#beauty lab
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Soviet Birds.
The secret facility that I work in has holes in the ceiling. We don't know how to get them fixed.
We tried asking the government to fix it, once. We told them that the holes in the older parts of the facility had gotten large enough to fit birds through, and that birds were getting through, and that, perhaps, a Soviet Spy could fit through as well.
After all, it is well known that Soviet Spies and pigeons are approximately the same diameter.
Our hope was that that this vague and nonsensical threat would put a little fire under Uncle Sam's feet. If the fed couldn't be bothered to give a shit about the giant gaping holes in the roof of our facility, perhaps they could be persuaded to give a shit about... Soviet Spies.
This attempt at manipulation 100% blew up in our faces.
See, the government does not need to be persuaded to give a shit about Soviet Spies. It still wakes up most nights, drenched in cold sweat, terrified and confident that a Soviet Spy is hiding in their nightstand. If it sees a rock on the ground, it flips it over, pistol drawn, ready to shoot the Soviet Spy it fully expects to slither out from underneath. Which is to say: The government is crazy. So when we dropped those two words - inflitration risk - in the repair request, they came in guns-a-blazin'.
Does that mean that they fixed the roof? Of course not. Don't be stupid. No, instead of performing basic maintenance, they installed a state of the art alarm system throughout the facility - lasers, sonar, the works - and told us to always be on the guard. Because of the roof holes.
Then they left.
So now we had an extremely good alarm system... and birds. Which have combined in incredibly obvious and predictable ways to produce an unending fountain of problems.
For Example: About once a month, someone gets called in by the local airforce dispatch because AAAAAAAAAAA a Spy is in the Rad Lab! We're all gonna die! Except every time, it's a bird. And I get why we have to check, but every time, the dispatcher is panicked and the person going out has to be like listen, listen: It's a bird. It's always a bird. It's been a bird every month for the last fifteen years. It will be a bird next month. All this stress? Bad for your heart.
Second Example: Sometimes, birds get in while we're actually working. And when it's in the morning, you know, it's a nuisance, and it stops testing (we are not going to risk irradiating a bird) but it's not an all-hands-on-deck situation because it doesn't take ten hours to get a bird out. But surprisingly often, the bird gets in riiiiight at closing time, and in that situation, everyone goes feral because nobody can leave until the alarm is set, and we cannot set the alarm while the bird is there, because the bird would immediately trigger it and then we'd have to stay another 4 hours to confirm that it was not a Soviet Bird.
So in order to go home, everyone's top priority is Get That Bird. And we have a system for it.
Step 1: The test stands tend to be located in rooms with 30+ foot ceilings. We can't catch birds in places like that - so we have to lure the bird into the relatively low ceilinged (8 feet only) upper offices.
We do this by turning all the lights off in the test rooms, then putting floodlights by the exits. I don't know why this works - some kind of evolutionary brain fragment shared by both Bugs and Birds - but work it does. The birds almost always follow after the lights. From there, it’s just two guys moving the floodlight and a third guy to turn off the lights.
Step 2: Everyone else has been waiting for this step. There is this long stairway up from the basement level into the offices, and in the final stage, the floodlights are brought to the base of the stairwell to bring the bird up. At the top of the steps there will be a group of tennish people, waiting for the signal. The light guys will set up the final transfer, everyone will tense, and then, swish...a bird will flit up the stairs and into the offices.
It's like watching werewolves on a full moon. Before the bird cometh, we are engineers. Nerds. Pale and skinny things, trembling under the fluorescent lights. After the bird, we are beasts. Feral, gnawing things, glowing under the orange sunrise of the 70's halogen floodlights.
And like all beasts, we cannot help but give chase.
Step 3: The were-engineers begin the hunt. The goal at the start is not really to catch the bird - just exhaust it. So the pack simply does not relent. Because the stakes are going home on time, the group is basically given free reign to go anywhere in the building. If someone's door is open, and the bird goes inside, they're going to have to deal with ten sweaty panting maniacs leaping around their office. They don't get to say that they're busy, or remark on how all this movement is a terrible distraction. They are allowed to sit in silence during the chaos, and perhaps thank the war party for chasing the bird while they sat comfortably on their ass. This has been explained several times, and it will continue to be explained until cooperation is achieved.
Anyway.
The chase can go on for quite some time. Sometimes, the bird will get tired and find a crevice to hide in, where it can then be reached through standard cornered-bird catching techniques.
Other times, it will slow down enough that someone can actually yoink it out of the air. But this will go on until someone catches the bird and triggers Step 4.
Step 4: The Finale. This is the get-the-bird-out-of-the-building stage, and it requires someone to adopt a specific role: To Become the Sacrificial Vessel of Bird Removal.
This job is both coveted and feared. It's coveted, because holding a wild bird in one's hands is a precious thing. To feel how small, and fragile, and scared it is, only to free it from the building? That is what it's like to be a benevolent God. But the cost! Oh, the cost. The entire time the Vessel is in motion, the bird will be biting the hell out of their fingers. And I cannot emphasize enough just how painful bird bites are. Their entire face is a set of needle posed pliers, and they know tricks the even the cartels haven't figured out yet. So there's always a little hubbub about who shall be The Vessel while onlookers, stranded outside The Office of Bird Capture, can only look on. Quiet arguments and pleas are heard, little fragments of fear and pride and glory trickling out of room like the silver dust left behind in a bag of well shook quarters. The sound of concensus is silence, and the argument will go on until that's all that's left. And then, from the darkness of the final office, the chosen sacrifice will step forward: Hands gently cupped, tears streaming down their face, fingers trembling from the pain of the ongoing bird chomps.
And this scene is what organizes people. Not leadership, not truly. No one can think and coordinate a crowd while their fingers are being attacked with a combination nutcracker/ear piercer. But the crowd sees the suffering of their annointed, and it is driven to do everything poossible to make the process flow. People instinctively flair out, finding the fastest path outside. Doors are held open. Paths are cleared. Someone, somehow, always knows the way forward and can describe it to the sufferer. Left, left, forward. Corner closet. Yep, there's a hall in there. Forward. Two-hundred more feet man, you're doing great. Just hold it together a little longer. You're killing it.
Then the final door swings open, and the bird flees out into what remains of daylight. And yet, even here, the deed is not yet done. I cannot explain it in words, but the crowd that helped is never content until they can see and speak on the Bird Vessel's wounds. They all have to pull the fingers back and see what was given. Estimate the price: One day to get better - No, three - No, a week! Are you blind? Do you see that blood blister? -Yeah, that's not going away anytime soon - Damn, can you believe how feisty those things are? Like wolves without teeth.
(They cannot help but touch as they go. It has always been this way. Even Thomas was not content until he felt the wounds in Christ's hands.)
Only when the last of the helpers has seen, and commented, and commended, will the engineers scatter. It is their return from the underworld that announces to the sun living surface dwellers that they too can go home. (@somerunner tolja it needed to be a post.)
#DoD work#lab nonsense#soviet birds#i really like being the bird guy if you cant tell#i just like birds in general#i think this was an essay?#dont really know how to cover the ending for this thing#one part explanation of insane government inefficiency#one part explanation of the kind of joyful humanity that only *comes* from interacting with hilariously inefficient systems#like a full on defense of the beauty that only comes from poor uses of resources#and one part poetic exploration of the sacrificial hero archetype as a bird catcher#i spent so much fuckin time make this guys you have no idea#maximum effort post#effort post
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"There's beauty in imperfections."
"In all timelines... In all possibilities, only you can show me this."
#In all timelines... In all possibilities#only you can show me this.#“There's beauty in imperfection.”#viktor arcane#jayce talis#jayvik#jayvic#arcane s1#arcane s2#hextech husbands#jayce x viktor#arcane#viktor talis#jayce arcane#I'm sorry i just can't stop drawing theeeeeeeeeeeeeem#leagueoflegends#arcane season 2#runeterra#league of legends#arcane jayce#jayce league of legends#jayce lol#and they were lab partners#viktor my beloved#arcane jayvik#jayvik fanart#cult leader viktor#machine herald#machine herald viktor#glorious evolution
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@/vinetrria
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Forgot to put my favorite freakazoid here
#judgement was created in a lab specifically for me to like#we got uhhh#woman too angry to die#big beautiful man that is So Nice but So Dumb#weirdo freak genderfuck plague doctor#and jaguar joe#jrwi#just roll with it#jrwi fanart#just roll with it fanart#jrwi judgement#jrwi paeon#paeon pestifus#honkceasar
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Queerplatonic jayvik is so important to me btw. Bestest reading of their relationship I think.
#they didn't kiss but they love each other so much that they keep fueling a time loop of suffering because without it their love doesnt exist#if that isn’t gay i don't know what is. but it's also. they spent years and years trusting each other. working in one lab. side by side.#two halves of a whole. their love is familiarity and closeness and mundane moments as domesticity and all the little things that make#togetherness so beautiful. they're not big excitement. they're not about fireworks and rollercoasters. they're about waking up to each other#about doing the dishes together in silence#doing the laundry. solving equations. walking home. watching sunsets. eating home cooked dinner and laughing.#they're sososo in love your honour but not in a romantic way <333#also. jayce choosing his queerplatonic love over his romantic love is. is very very very important#to me. at least. bc he isn't aro. he isn't aro and he still chooses to love his life partner in a way that defies romance. <3#if anyone wants to talk about them with me i am available and will love you for it btw. :)#jayce talis#arcane#viktor arcane#jayvik#arcane season 2#queerplatonic#arcane jayce#jayce x viktor
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Just finished Dr Stone Reboot
#Dr stone#Dr Stone Reboot: Byakuya#Dcst#Tsukasen#is there a rei tag here do you guys call her rei ishigami ...#byakuyas beautiful robot girl daughter and his cabbage son#she literally turned herself into a girl because she wanted to. that was an actual cosmetic upgrade and had no function whatsoever#also man i cant believe boichi really drew that panel of senku and tsukasa making out in the lab ... at first you think its just another#instance of an artist trying to queerbait or like do fanservice but that scene was really deep and poignant and important to both their#character arcs .. .so even though i did think it was a little gratuitous and in-your-face im glad they didnt shy away from illustrating it#also im obsessed with how tsukasa has to hunch over so much his shoulders are literally scrunched AND his knees are bent hes literally#trying so hard not to let senku lift his head too high or it would be uncomfortable. does he love him or what ?
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"And you are sure these are edible?" "Ja. Well, sort of." "What does 'sort of' mean, Caleb Widogast?"
Here is Shadowgast in the style of Scavengers Reign!
Yes, this is a transparent and blatant attempt to pspspsps my fellow fans of Critical Role into watching this series. The first season is airing now on Netflix as of May 31st. They picked it up after Max did not renew it for a second season, and will decide based on the reception now whether to continue - so I am hoping that lots of people discover the show and love it! The animation studio is Titmouse, who also produces The Legend of Vox Machina.
It's like a Miyazaki-esque Annihilation. Cosmic horror and cosmic wonder in equal and necessary parts. If you like the funky biology parts of Candela Obscura, give this a shot. There is horror. There is humanity. There is hope and connection. There are creatures of all shapes and sizes, including a wonderful amount of tiny idiots, which I have made many compilation posts about. It's a setting where you can envision David Attenborough peacefully narrating a nature documentary about it, but be horrified the same time. Just an absolutely incredible show.
#the horror elements do include body horror in case anyone doesn't have the Annihilation reference to glean that from#curate your own experience etc#but anyway#what if they were both wizards except they're scientists and they happened to crash land on the same wildly beautiful and dangerous planet#Essek's undercut has grown out since his landing#i imagine his pod stayed more intact so he's had supplies and hasn't *had* to rely as much on the local flora and fauna#i translated his mantle into a sort of half lab coat thing that goes to mid thigh#Caleb meanwhile had a standard issue jumpsuit from whatever crew he was on#and has definitely been roughing it with fewer supplies#critical role#scavengers reign#pspspspspsps#ariadne draws CR#shadowgast#op
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A lab joined our brittany party 💚💙💜
#dogblr#rory borealis#irl bffs#so kinda crazy#i met this friend through instagram but she is local to me#and she got a brittany specifically because she had seen me compete with mav irl#(i didnt know this until after - she introduced herself to me when i was showing rory in confo)#her rally debut with her lab was the same day and show as miles's rally debut with pike#objectively i know i influenced people to get into sports#(i dont say that to be immodest - i attended a lot of show made a lot of social media posts and talked to a lot of people irl#but it's crazy to actually meet people irl who 'knew' maverick#who know who i am because of my beautiful dog#anyway its always such a pleasure to hang out with her#our dogs get along so well#i wish she couldve met mav instead of just watching him from afar#but im glad she got her very own little brittany friend#(when she told me that i cried btw#i couldnt believe someone actually loved watching mav so much that they would get their own britt#very meaningful to me specifically#and shes doing a great adapting to the huge major differences of lab vs britt)
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“Little bird, let your wings carry you on winds up high.
“Let the bright blue embrace you, the bright blue sky.
“Little bird you are free, horizons in your eyes.
“Little bird, take me with you, let’s soar you and I~”
#art#my art#artists on tumblr#izuart#izzy oc#vox the hedgehog#vanitas the hedgehog#talia the hedgehog#ultimate lifespawn au#sonadow#sonadow fankid#sonic fankid#sth fankid#fankid au#sonic art#sth art#sonic the hedgehog art#oc#original character#vox canonically has a beautiful voice hehehehehe#vox also caonincally used to sing lullabies to the lab kiddos
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Back in like 2012 My Head is an Animal was THE bagginshield album and nowadays the title is slowly but surely being passed to Stick Season. So many top-tier song edits out there.
#the absolute GRIP indie folk has on lotr/hobbit fans should be studied by a beautiful woman in a lab coat#King and Lionheart…. Mountain Sound…. Little Talks….. god I feel old#the hobbit#bagginshield
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I want to eat pottery sherds 🥺
#study archaeology just to get close to beautiful (tasty?) pottery sherds#I just really like all the diff typologies of pottery#not at all inspired by a lab we did in class today#shitpost#archaeology#archaeoblr#anthropology#sea glass also looks tasty#stole the photo from the British Museum's site since they steal everything else..
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i just saw wicked while in the trenches of my arcane fixation. and what if i said i wanted to write a jayvik fic based on popular. what then. what would you do.
#HEAR ME OUTTT#during the beginings of hextech#viktor is SHIT at talking to potential donors so jayce takes it upon himself to give him a lil media training of sorts#and maybe a little makeover too#not much just jayce fixing his hair and making his clothes neater#and of course it ends with the “why miss elphaba look at you! you're beautiful” but yk. with viktor.#and he panics and leaves jayce in the lab like. curious.#DO YOU SEE THE VISION#jayce talis#viktor arcane#jayce x viktor#jayvik#arcane s2#arcane netflix#arcane#league of legends
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Some things never change about my favorite scientist.
#andrew garfield#this mature peter is the version of tasm peter parker that i needed but never got it#the things i'd would let andrew garfield do to me#tasm peter parker in the lab again#some things never change about my favorite scientist#when he wears the lab coat does things with me#so tasm peter coded#wearing this lab coat#he's so fucking beautiful#andrew garfield visits the omega museum#omega museum#omega watches#omega event#peter parker#andrew peter#andrew peter parker#tasm peter#tasm peter parker#tasm#the amazing spider man#spider man#glasses#peter 3#spider man no way home#sincericida
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NCT LAB 〖Marine Turtle〗 // RENJUN
#he's so beautiful#looking forward to it!!! 231206!#loml#huang renjun#nct#nct dream#renjun#renjun pics#nct lab#nct u
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@userdramas 2023 secret santa maeda kentaro — for @t-u-i-t-c 🎁💖 happy holidays!
#i hope you like this gift umbrella#maeda kentaro#userdramas#jdrama#jdramasource#kimi ni wa todokanai#watashi no oyome kun#my beautiful man eternal#kamen rider revice#asiandramasource#dailyasiandramas#asiandramas#asiandramaedit#also can i talk to u about your toku show real quick like#that lab guy in glasses george he be handing out stamps all the time lmao he funny#and evil daiji tho woahhhh#ngl i could't finish all of the eps but it was so much fun watching one of ur fav toku shows!!!!#belleparkgif
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