#beat jordi

[dbstaches]

Psychic TV – Money For E… (Remix by Dave Ball) From Beyond Thee Infinite Beat (Ravemaster Mixes) (1990)

[waugh-bao]

@thedookieshooter and @charlesandkeef tagged me to share my instafest lineup (I’ve only had Spotify for a week, because I finally gave up on Amazon Music, so the results might not be super holistic):

Tagging: @charliesmydarling and @aiaiawar

[darthtaoshay]

I get to watch VanNuck hockey tonight 😌

[hy2ka]

guh (← gutpunched)

[livelaughlovefootball]

YAY FOR SPAIN !!!

[19burstraat]

hmmm I know we can surmise that kaz & jordie were the iphigenia of the series, in that, whether it's fair or not, they had to be sacrificed for the benefit of everyone else. jordie had to die and kaz had to suffer it and live with it, because if kaz had lain down and died on the barge, it would have had a crazy knock-on effect. inej likely would never have escaped the menagerie, or matthias from hellgate, jesper would probably have fallen foul of debtors or gangs some way or another (he gets at least one beating from enforcers), nina would have been caught up w the dime lions trying to get matthias out of hellgate, and there's even some more tangential ones, like kuwei probably dying at the ice court and marya being stuck at saint hilde.... but I wonder what would have happened to wylan.

kaz had him under dregs protection, so he never suffered the way he did ("kaz is your luck, merchling."); no beatings, etc. without that... well, it's tempting to think that wylan would have just been killed some way or another. and yeah, maybe, but miggson and prior couldn't get him, could they? wylan has that scary glimmer of the biting-animal, kaz-style survivalist in him, and he had a goal; amass enough money to get the hell out of ketterdam and start anew. but how far would wylan have gone to get that money? van eck's letters pushed him into the arms of dregs munitions building. without the perpetual intervention of kaz-- protection, constant jobs even when there were better people for it, good pay-- how quickly would wylan have turned into someone more like kaz? he has a core of decency, but he gets the privilege of keeping that, because kaz helps him to. alone, would he have surrendered it, or been forced to surrender it, just for a chance to survive? I don't think he would have ever willingly given up. it's not an accident that kaz and wylan's first days in ketterdam are so closely paralleled, or that they have a set of similar skills/traits; it's explicitly said that wylan would also be able to count cards and control decks like kaz can, if he wanted to. and after he finds out about his mother, wylan's comforted by the idea of retribution for van eck, that kaz could destroy his father's life. they're a little bit too similar. but kaz is there to take the moral fall, for the most part; all wylan has to do is help him. but without kaz... well. that's another story, isn't it?

[just-jordie-things]

jordie dont you just think about how megumi values his personal bubble so much he would literally kill to keep his safe space to himself but he would simultaneously, spontaneously expand the bubble for the reader like cmere baby sit with me lets be quiet together and they just sit together in utter laziness and solitude?? brain-rioting at this point.

yes omg i am so pickme for megumi bc i'm so different and special <3

you didn't count as an obstruction to megumi's personal space. if yuji threw his arms around him for a hug, megumi was annoyed. when gojo rubbed his hand all over his head and messed up his hair, megumi was annoyed. even if someone sat too close, megumi was annoyed.

it didn't take much to breech his personal space.

but you didn't count.

if you approached him with open arms, he was pulling you close to his side and holding you there. if he was sitting and reading his book in peace but you came around? he was making space for you to crawl into his nap to cuddle while he read. no matter the situation, you always seemed to be close, and megumi seemed to like you there.

it was no secret, everyone saw the way you rested your head on his shoulder during car rides, and always reached out to him for hugs. but with megumi being as stoic as he is, no one ever really pushed for an explanation as to... why?

had you always been close? were you dating? did he give up on trying to push you away? honestly no assumption made sense, so eventually people stopped trying to reach for one.

you would always know the truth, though.

"you've got your nose stuck in your book again, 'gumi," you huff as you walk around the couch, hands on your hips as though you're about to scold him. "been waitin' in bed for twenty minutes"

lowering his book only a little bit, megumi raises his head to meet your non-threatening gaze.

"twenty whole minutes in bed by yourself? when did my baby get so brave?"

you pout at him, and it's effective enough that he drops his book and beckons you to come closer. he knows you've been waiting, you're not exactly patient about it.

and as expected you come to him right away, straddling right over his lap and curling into his chest like you were his natural puzzle piece. megumi merely chuckles as he rubs your back, coaxing you to rest while he lingers on the couch with his book a little longer.

"gonna fall asleep if you keep this up" you mutter. megumi hums.

"and once again i'll carry you to bed" he says. you giggle. cling to him a little closer. enjoy the beating of his heart against your chest, almost in sync with yours.

"that's why i love you 'gumi," you sigh, only partially joking. "you're so sweet"

he chuckles. it vibrates from his chest and through you, and you smile as you snuggle into your secret softie of a boyfriend.

like the secret softie he is, he kisses your head a few times, continues to rub your back, and holds you close to him so you could sleep comfortably while he read.

"i love you too, baby," he murmurs into the crown of your head before picking up his book again.

and you don't need to be told. you know. you'll always know. for as long as he keeps you close, you're all his.

[leilakisakabiri]

Can I request something with Gavi being barely even home resulting to reader feeling lonely and empty? A fluffy ending please! Gracias a todos!

You're Losing Me (Gavi)

Summary: You and Gavi's relationship is slowly falling apart - and neither of you know how to save it.

Warnings: Angst. Toxic behavior. 

A/N: This request literally revived me so thank you. I’m so excited to write angst hopefully you like it! Also thank you guys for 1k notes on Surprise, here’s my gift to you. Please send requests!

Word count: 6.8k+

Masterlist

It was the fourth Tuesday in a row that you ate alone in your apartment. The fourth time Gavi had skipped out on your plans last minute, sending a quick half-hearted text about one event or the other.

The first time it was because Coach had asked Gavi to stay after practice, keen on teaching him the perfect one-touch shot. Then it was a missed dinner because Jordi Alba had invited him out with some other players, and he just couldn’t say no, because he was finally starting to feel like a part of the family - like the older players had finally started to respect him.

Of course you hadn’t minded the first few times, he had been apologetic enough, promising you that he would be there next time, but each next time took on the next week, and soon the prospect of next time didn’t hold as much meaning anymore. You were accustomed to reading those words by now, and you rarely took time to read over the dwindling text messages anymore, eyes only scanning for those two words, the ones that had become a staple in your relationship.

Next time.

Next time you would cook dinner for him and he would be there to eat it. Next time he would tell you he loved you in person, rather than getting an impassive ‘sorry cariño’. The thought of next time, which once seemed like a lifeline to you, had become a dull reminder of the boy who was just on the other side of the city, only a measly train ride separating you both. Yet the distance seemed much greater.

But now the football season was drawing to a close, and instead of being excited at the notion of having more time to spend together, you felt uneasy and on edge, almost as if you were waiting for the other shoe to drop, something to come up, making the distance between the two of you that much more tangible.  

You felt your phone buzz next to you and your eyes unintentionally went to the clock.

9:45 pm.

The texts were getting later and later each time.

You already knew what awaited you, but you couldn’t help but scan the message regardless.

“Can’t come tonight, only have a few days till the season ends and the guys wanna make the most of it. Be there next time. Noche.”

There it was again, that unexplainable feeling in your chest, like your heart was always one step ahead of your brain, preparing for the loss of something that hadn’t yet left. Your mind was an incomprehensible mess, a jumble of contrasting thoughts and memories, forcing you to overthink situations and undervalue your emotions.  

You lifted your head watching your roommate land with a thump on the couch beside you, “He canceled again, didn’t he?”

You opened your mouth, an excuse on the tip of your tongue.

She held up her hand, “Don’t try to defend him. He knows it isn’t fair.”

You avoided her gaze, “You don’t get it. He’s really in demand and-”

“It doesn’t matter that he’s famous or a professional athlete, that doesn’t discredit his actions, or put the blame on anyone but him.”

She continued, “Look Gavi’s a good guy, I like him,” you stared at her, “I do! But he’s stupid if he doesn’t realize that he’s losing you. I know you, and while you might make excuses for him now, I know that sooner or later you’re going to notice that he hasn’t been treating you like you deserve, and you’ll be smart enough to leave.”

You felt the impact of her words full force, like a sledgehammer beating into your body. All the signs were there, right in front of your face, and you had been turning a blind eye, not wanting to admit what your heart already knew.

You knew it. The distance you had felt hadn’t been in vain – every day you could feel the connection between the two of you chip away, so small, you wouldn’t think to notice it till you stood back and looked at the bigger picture.

As a result of both your busy schedules, you both had come up with the idea of having Tuesday night, the most boring day of the week as agreed on, reserved for just the two of you. On Tuesday you didn’t have classes that ran well past dinner time or have to pick up late-night shifts at the restaurant, and he didn’t have evening practice. It was perfect. Tuesday was yours.

Except it had been four weeks since you’d had a proper conversation with Gavi, and you couldn’t help but see the difference in your relationship when you first got together, both eager and determined to spend as much time together as possible, to now, where even if you attended his games, you two still managed to get away without speaking.

You shook your head, “I-I need to take a walk.”

She reached over placing a hand on your shoulder, “Y/n. I’m sorry-”

You shook it off, standing up, “No it’s ok, it’s not your fault. I just need to clear my head.”

You felt the cool night breeze hit you as you walked the streets of Barcelona. It was unusually quiet in this part of town, the lights from the main strip didn’t reach this far out, and for a moment the quiet reminded you of your hometown.

If you closed your eyes, it was almost like you were fifteen again, back in your childhood bedroom, before the ideas of pretty boys with big brown eyes and the weight of managing both university and a job plagued all your thoughts.

You reached a lookout point, the top of the hill dropping to show you the expansive city below. You stared out, the buildings looked so small up here, barely more than a glowing dot in the dark, the cars a blur of soft yellow. You wondered which tiny dot Gavi was in. You wondered if he had checked his phone, seeing that you hadn’t texted him back like you usually did. You wondered if he even cared.

You shook your head trying to get rid of the unwanted thoughts.

Your relationship with Gavi was good. He made you laugh like nobody else, whispering secrets in each other’s ears like schoolchildren, making forts out of old sheets in his childhood bedroom when you met his family for the first time. You remembered his sweet smile, the way his eyes would crinkle unintentionally when he couldn’t hold back his excitement or happiness. You remembered confiding in him about school, how you were so stressed because you couldn’t manage eighteen credits while simultaneously holding a job that required you to be on your feet for hours at a time. You could still feel the soft caress of his hand, as he squeezed yours, providing you comfort, cracking a badly executed joke here and there just to get you to smile while listing a hundred reasons why if anyone could do it, it would be you.

So, if he made you feel all those things, why did his absence make you feel so tiny, so insignificant?

Your finger hovered over the call button, and you hit it hesitantly.

You just wanted to hear his voice.

That would be enough.

It rang seven times before the line went dead.

It took you a moment to realize you hadn’t put your phone up to your ear, waiting with bated breath for the timer on the screen to start, indicating he had picked up, but it never did.

You stuffed your phone back into your pocket, the same unsteady feeling in your heart strumming.

Once.

Twice. 

Then it was gone.

You came home to a quiet apartment and your roommate already asleep.

You shuffled into your room silently, you would give it one more week you decided. Next time would be the last.

The next week came, and while it was the first week Gavi had off from training, he had already planned to go to Ibiza to attend a music festival with his hometown friends. He had invited you, but it was more of an afterthought, and you couldn’t find it in yourself to go because of rushed ‘you can come if you want’ and a barely there apology so you left it.

You got an ‘I’ll miss you’ text from him and for a moment it made you smile, filling you with warmth. However, an ‘I miss you’ only did so much, and other than his sweet messages, there was really no intent behind his words.

Now it had been two days since Gavi had gotten back from his Ibiza trip, and you couldn’t hide the surprise on your face when you glanced over and saw a Facetime call from Gavi.

When was the last time the two of you had Facetimed? Maybe two months ago? It was much easier to send a text, the times both of you were free were few and far between.

You answered the call, pushing your textbook to the side. The dark grey interior of Gavi’s car greeted you.

“Hello?” You asked.

“Hey, Y/n long time no talk.” Gavi joked, but you felt your stomach flip at the truth behind his words.

“I can’t see you.” You said.

“Oh shit, did I accidentally Facetime? My bad I told Siri to call and she must have Facetimed instead. Let me call you.”

You went to speak but heard the three beeps indicating the call had been cut.

You heard the phone ring again and bit back a sigh. You just wanted to see his face.

You answered on the second ring.

“Hey sorry about that. I wanted to call and tell you that I’m back from Ibiza.”

“Yeah, I know.” You admitted, “I remembered.”

There was a beat of silence.

“Well, anyways I wanted to ask you to come with me to the Spanish football gala tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow?”

You heard some shuffling and suddenly Gavi’s voice was much clearer and closer to the phone. You assumed he took it off speaker.

“Can you not come?”

You hesitated, “Uhm I’m not sure. It’s so last minute and I’m already scheduled at the restaurant tomorrow.”

“Can’t you just take off?” He persisted.

You felt your brow furrow, “I’m already on the schedule, I can’t just decide to take off the day before, I need to find someone to replace me.”

“Ok, tell whoever that I’ll sign a jersey for them if they do.”

You suddenly felt angry. Why did he think that you could only get a day off work if he helped you out? Were you not capable of handling your own situations? You hated feeling like this, like you weren’t even your own person, just a shadow of who you were with.

“No that’s fine. I’ll just take off like you said, simple.” You couldn’t help but let the bitterness seep into your voice.

He went to say something, probably sensing the shift in your mood, but you cut him off, “I have to go. Bye Gavi.”

You hung up before he could respond.

Finding someone to replace your shift was easier said than done, but after some back and forth, and a promise to Marcus to cover his next two shifts, you were free.

Free to prance around in a hall filled with people you barely knew, with a boy who you thought about more in your memories than you saw in real life.

The night of the gala arrived, and you were decked out, wearing the earrings Gavi had gifted you for your one-year anniversary paired with a necklace you had received after graduating high school.

Gavi had originally said he would pick you up but had sent a quick text earlier in the morning explaining that the team was getting ready together at a hotel, and to just meet him at the venue.

Your roommate had agreed to drive you and you gave her a grateful smile as you got in the car.

“Ana thank you for taking me.”

She brushed the comment off playfully, “No problem. Gotta step up when Gavi steps down.”

You let out a short laugh, “My hero.”

You got to the venue a couple of minutes before you had planned to meet Gavi and nervously walked around, staying out of the path of cameras.

You found someone to take you to a tent where some Barca staff were waiting for the players to start the program.

You walked in, a surprised look taking over your face once you noticed Pedri and a few other players in the corner.

You weren’t aware that some of the players from the hotel had arrived yet.

Pedri noticed your entrance and came over to say hello.

You gave him a quick hug, making casual small talk.

Just ask him, a voice in the back of your head urged.

Finally, you bit the bullet, attempting to sound as casual as possible, “How did you guys get here so early? I thought everyone was leaving the hotel at 6.”

“Ehh, it wasn’t that important, so I skipped it. Half the guys didn’t go anyway, and the other half just went to play FIFA. Besides I beat them every time, so it gets a little boring after a while.”

You tried to laugh at his joke, but could only manage a watery smile, mind running a mile a minute.

So Gavi hadn’t actually needed to go but chose to.

Leaving you alone.

Again.

It wasn’t a big deal by itself. But it was the fact that this was just another item you could add to your ever-growing list of things Gavi cared about more than you. You wondered briefly if you had been wrong, and if he had missed some other event to be there with you, only to remind yourself that you hadn’t seen him in a month, so no, he hadn’t.

You were still grappling with your emotions when Gavi arrived, unsure whether to confront him or just let this be another thing you swept under the rug.

Your reunion, if you could even call it that, was lackluster at best. He had walked in with some of his teammates, immediately going to greet the rest of his team, completely ignoring you standing on the right side of the room with Pedri.

It was only once he asked where Pedri was that someone pointed the two of you out.

You felt your body deflate; he hadn’t even asked for you.

Were you overthinking things again? Maybe he had just forgotten in the excitement of seeing his whole team for the first time after the season ended?

Gavi made his way over to the two of you, reaching out to Pedri first. You watched as they exchanged a hug before Gavi’s eyes floated over to yours.

“Hey.” His voice was casual, like he was greeting a mailman, or thanking the cashier.

“Hi.”

You closed the space, attempting to hug him, but he grabbed your shoulders stopping you, looking down.

You followed his gaze.

“I don’t want to wrinkle the dress.”

You felt your heart thud against your chest, and while you knew he only had good intentions, the rejection still stung.

You stepped out of his embrace, watching his hands drop to his sides, “Okay.”

The carpet went by in a blur, you posed with Gavi for a few photos before moving to the side and letting him enjoy the spotlight, he had worked hard for it. You took a couple of photos with some of the other teammate's girlfriends and wives before you headed inside.

Once inside, there was still some time left before the actual dinner portion of the gala started. The gala was held for all Spanish football clubs as a celebration of their hard work during the season. It was also a great event to network, giving players the ability to talk with different coaches and directors they otherwise might not have gotten the chance to, allowing for discussions of thinly veiled preseason transfers to commence without the fear of unwanted ears listening in.

You found Gavi in the crowd quickly, linking your arm with his. He looked over at you, a smile taking over his features once he noticed you.

“Glad you found me.”

You noticed with great relief that his eyes still crinkled in the corners when he looked at you,

“I always do.”

The next however many minutes spent till dinner service started comprised of Gavi talking with various different players and directors as you stood like a shiny accessory off his arm, too insignificant to be acknowledged in conversation.

The call for dinner provided you solace from the repetitive conversations and mundane questions. You took a seat next to Gavi and were confused to find both Joao Felix and Antoine Griezmann seated at your table.

You leaned into Gavi, “I thought the clubs sat together?”

“Me too. I think they’re doing alphabetical tonight though.” He whispered.

“Which one’s your least favorite?” You looked up shocked at Gavi’s question, watching a boyish grin take over his features as he tried to hide his laugh, interlacing your fingers on your lap.

You shoved into him lightly, “They’re sitting right there!”

He leaned in closer, nose softly grazing your ear as he spoke, “Yeah but between me and you, I think Joao could have had a better season in Chelsea.”

You shook your head in disbelief, fighting back the smile that was threatening to spill out. Your eyes caught his and for a second it seemed like you had been transported back in time, back to when these types of moments were the standard not the exception, back when it felt like you were on each other sides, back when laughter was the antidote instead of tense silences filled with awkward hello’s.

His eyebrow lifted ask if to ask if you agreed with him, and a small murmur of agreement from you was all he needed before he opened his mouth, ready to hammer his point home, but his attention switched last second.

It was like you could visibly see the shift in his demeanor. First, it was his eyes glancing past yours, seeing the midfielder approaching. Then it was the subtle grip on your hand loosening, his fingers slipping through the gaps. Next, it was the complete shift in body, his posture straightening as he leaned his body away from yours, position shifting to face Pedri who had sat in the spot next to him.

To his credit, Pedri acknowledged the both of you but it was clear Gavi paid no mind to you, not evening sparing you a glance as he became immersed in a conversation with Pedri.

You tried to pretend it didn’t affect you and while you could lie to everyone else, you couldn’t lie to yourself. You had built up this evening up so much in your head, telling yourself that tonight would be the shifting point in your relationship and that everything would go back to the way it once was, but it was shaping up to be another Tuesday you had become all too familiar with.

Why did it feel like you were always competing for his attention?

Your mind was reeling, all the small actions Gavi did that you kept pushing aside, were floating back to the surface, each little remark or dismissal a little tug on your heartstrings till you were sure that if you stayed at the table a for a moment longer you wouldn’t be able to stop the onslaught of tears quickly approaching.

You stood from the table abruptly, catching a few people’s attention, but you gave them a polite smile, or at least you hoped it had been polite, you couldn’t focus on anything but the stinging in your eyes and the sinking feeling in your stomach.

You swiftly walked towards the restroom, glancing over your shoulder to see if anyone had noticed but your eyes fell on Gavi’s form. He hadn’t even bothered turning around.

Of course, he hadn’t. 

Somehow that hurt more than anything else.

You were immensely grateful for the single-use restroom as you locked yourself in, shaky hands coming to steady yourself on the sink.

Don’t cry. Don’t cry.

You were internally screaming at yourself, begging yourself to keep yourself together but the feeling was too overwhelming and before you could stop you felt the first tears slip down. Your shoulders shook as you forced yourself to be silent, embarrassed about someone walking by and overhearing you pitying yourself.

One hand covered your mouth as you muffled your sobs, while the other dug into the stupid marble sink until the skin was pink and indented. The pain acted as a distraction from the unbearable pressure in your chest, and you instinctively pushed your hand harder into the sink.

Your fingers felt numb as you slowly removed them, closing your eyes to steady yourself. It was obvious that you weren’t in the best mental state, but you couldn’t exactly sit in the bathroom for the next hour to sort it out. You had to clean yourself up and go back to pretending.

Yes, pretending, you realized, was exactly what you had been doing. This whole night you had been pretending, pretending everything was okay, pretending that your relationship was fine when in truth you couldn’t even remember what Gavi’s laugh sounded like.

When had it become all pretend?

Was there anything left here? Were your best years behind you both?

These unanswered questions haunted you as you calmed yourself down, wrapping around you like a blanket, one that provided you no comfort but rather a feeling of suffocation.

Finally, your eyes had dried, and the redness had faded significantly. You had gotten your breathing under control, and you felt a little lighter having stopped denying what had been plaguing your mind for weeks now.

You took one final glance in the mirror, smoothing out your dress as you exited the restroom.

You walked slowly back to the table. You had decided that if you could just get through tonight, go home, and cry and think some more, then by tomorrow morning you would be able to talk to Gavi and decide what to do.

But that plan had flown out the window when you arrived back at the table to a confused Gavi.

It seemed he had finally noticed your absence.

“Where did you go? They served dinner 15 minutes ago.”

“I had to use the restroom.”

“For 15 minutes?”

“There was a queue.” You lied.

He seemed to accept your answer and you chose to focus on your food rather than him.

You were halfway through your meal when you noticed Gavi giving you a double take from the corner of your eye.

“Your eyes are red.” He spoke in a hushed voice.

“I don’t know why.”

“Are you sure?” His attention was beginning to slip again, eyes darting back between you and Pedri.

“Yes, I’m fine.” You heard your voice waver on the last syllable, a tick you had when you were lying, and Gavi immediately picked up on it, facing you fully.

“What’s wrong?”

You shook your head not wanting to get into everything here.

“I’m ok.”

“You’re not.”

“Gavi.” You warned.

“What happened? Did someone say something?”

“No. Just drop it please.” Your voice had gone soft, tired of defending yourself.

“Y/n just tell me, I’ll help.” He urged.

You stayed quiet.

“What’s wrong?” He asked again, adamant to get an answer.

You felt yourself grow annoyed, why couldn’t he just let it go? Why was he suddenly interested in how you felt? You were just trying to protect what little left the two of you had and he seemed intent on destroying it.

“It’s you.”

He looked taken aback, eyes pooling with hurt and confusion, his body slightly deflating, “W-what?”

The moment was interrupted when the announcer took over the stage, beginning the presentation for the night, highlighting a few key players and matches.

You looked away first, turning to face the stage, clapping along, acting as though you couldn’t feel Gavi’s gaze burning into your back as he desperately tried to get your attention.

Once the presentation was over you were quick to excuse yourself, using the pretense of going to get a drink as a getaway.

You held your breath as you walked, praying Gavi wouldn’t follow you, and while he got up immediately once he noticed, he was quickly interrupted by another player coming to congratulate him, allowing you to slip away while he watched helplessly.

You let out a huff, leaning against the bar trying to slow your heartbeat.

“Long day?”

You looked over to see Joao standing next to you, watching as the bartender poured his drink.

“Something like that.”

He nodded, “Me too. Been a long couple of days actually.”

You smiled, “Actually, it’s been a long couple of weeks.”

He turned his head to look at you, “I take it back. It’s actually been a long couple of months.”

You raised your hand in mock surrender, “Ok I can’t beat that.”

He grinned, “Yeah not many people can.”

Your expression matched his own, and you gave your order to the bartender before turning to face him again, “So how’s the season been?”

“Shit. Honestly, I’m not even sure why I’m here I played for Chelsea this season not Athletico.”

You couldn’t help but laugh at his abruptness.

“Yeah, I saw your first game. A red card first match is pretty brutal.”

His grin only widened, “Oh keeping tabs are we?”

You gave him a playful glare, “Of course gotta know how Barca’s competition is doing.”

“Oh, so you’re a Barca girl?”

“Since the day I was born.” You revealed proudly.

And it was true, even before you had met Gavi, you had loved Barcelona. Growing up in a family of football lovers, your family had declared FC Barcelona as their home club, and you had witnessed so many legends play for Barcelona and so many underdogs find their true passion at the club.

“Can I tell you a secret?” he asked, and you gave him a nod of encouragement, pretending to zip your lips shut making him smile, “Ok well it’s always been my dream to play for Barcelona. Messi was always an idol to me.” He confessed.

Your mouth dropped open in shock before you abruptly shut it, your eyes almost widening comically as you spoke excitedly, “What oh my gosh. I’m in shock. Messi? But you play with Ronaldo!” You gasped.

He laughed at your facial expression, as he whispered, “I know! That’s why it’s a secret.”

You nodded along with his words, sending him a duh expression, “Of course, I won’t say anything I promise.”

“Promise what?”

Gavi had appeared by your side, a firm hand set on your waist, as he gently tugged you back into his body.

You peeked up at Gavi to see he was already looking down at you, jaw set. You gulped.

“Nothing much, just talking about the season.” You replied.

You saw Gavi’s eyes flicker between the two of you before he brought you closer, “Can we please talk?”

You bit your lip unsure but nodded.

He slipped his hand into yours as he led you to a quieter area. You waved goodbye to Joao as Gavi pulled you through the crowd, and he held his drink up in response.

He was a nice guy. You hoped next season would be better for him than the last.

He guided you to a standing table and propped your hands on the table as he played with the ring on your index finger.

“This a really pretty ring, is it new?” He asked eyes focused on your fingers.

“No, I got it last month.”

“I haven’t seen you wear it.”

“I’ve worn it every day since I got it.”

“Oh.”

You gently removed your hand from his, knowing that talking circles about something so small was going to get you nowhere.

“What do you want Gavi?” You asked quietly.

His voice came out gravelly, “I want to know how I let it get to the point where you feel more comfortable calling me Gavi rather than Pablo.”

His words when straight to your heart, and you could feel his pain almost as much as you could feel your own.

“I-I don’t know.”

You heard his breath falter, “I miss you calling me Pablo. Hell – I even miss you calling me Pablito. I’d take anything over whatever this is.” He gestured pointing between the two of you.

“Ok then let’s talk about it. Let’s talk about where it went wrong.”

His eyes lifted at your words, “Why are you speaking in the past tense?”

You remained silent.

“Amor please, why are you speaking in past tense?” You could hear the panic building in his voice.

“I think we don’t spend enough time together.”

“Ok we can fix that. No problem.” He agreed, desperate to save what was slowly unraveling.

“But do you want to? Fix it I mean?”

“Of course, I do. Please just tell me what to do and I’ll do it.” His voice was almost near begging, and you knew without a doubt that you were in a similar state.

You couldn’t believe that this was happening here, in front of all these people, but it wasn’t fair to either of you to hold it any longer. You had to have this conversation sooner or later and it seemed like tonight was the time for it.

“Sometimes I feel like you don’t have time for me.” You finally admitted what you had been feeling for the last month.

He shook his head rapidly, “I do! But I mean we both have such busy schedules, you have even less time than I do with school.” he argued, “You also have work so that cuts down on the time we have too, but I’m not complaining.”

You were trembling with anger as you spoke, but you kept your voice low, “Yes, because I have to work a job to be able to afford college. I hate the hours probably more than you do, but I do it because I have to. I don’t have an option. I want to go to school? I have to fund it. But you? You didn’t have to go out with the guys after practice or stay around Ansu’s to play FIFA, but you did. That was a choice you made.”

He opened his mouth to retaliate but you weren’t done, “And I’m not even mad about that. I’m mad that for the last month, you’ve put me below every other person in your life, treated me like I’m dispensable, someone who you only consider when you need something. I feel cheap. Like something you only want when it’s convenient to you.”

“That’s not true. You’re my girlfriend!” His voice shook as he spoke, and you realized he was probably just as scared as you were.

“Then why do I feel like I’m not?” Your voice came out soft, barely above a whisper, but it felt like delivering the final blow to an already sinking battleship.

You felt his eyes on you, eyes glazing over as hundreds of unushered words filled the space between you, but the moment was cut short, and you had to remind yourself that you were in public as Xavi approached the two of you.

You gave Xavi a quick hug before he congratulated Gavi on a great season.

Gavi only nodded, murmuring short responses, eyes glancing at you every few seconds like he was scared you would disappear from his life if he wasn’t watching.  

He left after a moment, and then the two of you were alone again.

“I’m sorry Y/n, I had no idea that’s why you were working. I would’ve given you the money if you just said something-“

“I don’t want your money Gavi! It’s yours, not mine.” You said exasperated.

“C’mon Y/n you know I have enough to provide for the both of us. You don’t have to work-“

“I don’t want that! In fact, right now I don’t even want to be in this relationship!”

The boy physically shrunk back at your words, your admission sending him into silence as he processed your words.

Finally, he spoke, head shaking in denial, not wanting to admit what was right in front of him, “I-I don’t understand.”

You wanted to yell at him to notice all the signs you’d been sending him, beg him to understand the things you couldn’t say but had always been lurking in the shadows, easy enough to make out if you just paid attention. You wanted to scream that it wasn’t fair, it wasn’t fair that Gavi got to pursue his passion while you were being told to give up yours. Your head was filled with millions of things you wanted to say to him, thousands of little moments you wanted to share with him, you wanted to confide in him about how scared you were, how you had never felt like this in your life, how the thought of him slowly falling out of love with you was ripping your insides apart, making you sick to your stomach. There were so many things but not one left your mouth.

“I know you don’t.” Your voice sounded tired, even to your own ears, and you wondered if this was it. If this is where the two of you parted ways.

“I-I’m just going to go home.”

“I’ll grab our coats.”

You placed your hand gently on his, giving him a sad smile, “It’s ok. I think I’ll go alone.”

Neither of you could deny what it meant.

He ducked his head so you couldn’t see his red eyes. There was a moment of silence, and you could tell he was fighting with himself, trying to figure out what to do to stop the inevitable, until he slowly nodded,

“Ok.”

He had just sealed your relationship closed, something you were grateful for because you knew you couldn’t have done it yourself.

He didn’t lift his head as you walked away, and you didn’t blame him.

You grabbed your coat quickly, bidding goodbye to a few people as you made your way out of the hall.

As you walked down the hallway towards the main doors you realized you didn’t have a ride back. Your roommate had dropped you off and you assumed Gavi would drop you back. Well, that wasn’t happening now. Train it was. One glance out the window told you it was raining, downpouring to be exact.

How fitting. At least the weather matched your mood.

You stepped outside, immediately becoming drenched, but somehow you found comfort in it, at least this way no one could see you cry.

You were about halfway down the steps when you heard the door slam open, yelling coming from behind you.

You spun around, surprised to see Gavi stepping into the rain, “Please stay. Please.”

You stood frozen, unsure of what to say.

You were sure he wouldn’t follow you. But he had.

He kept taking steps closer to you, closing the distance, till you were only two steps apart, “Stay.”

His eyes searched your own, looking for something, maybe a sign that there was hope, something you weren’t sure you could provide.

“Just let me go. We can talk about this tomorrow.”

He shook his head, breath unsteady, “No I can’t. I can’t. I feel like if I let you go now, I’ll never see you again.”

You bit your cheek looking away, he was right. After tonight you had no intention of talking to him again.

His shoulders drooped at your silence, and he sat down on the steps of the building, harsh rain pounding down on him, matting his hair and drenching his extremely expensive suit, but he didn’t seem to care, “I hate fighting with you.”

You glanced down at his figure, watching him sit in the rain with his head in his hands, utterly defenseless.

“But I hate even more that it’s my fault, and that I couldn’t see what I was doing until I felt what you did, just for a second, and it hurt like hell.”

“I should have been there for you. I should have made time for you. I knew what I was doing wasn’t right but then I kept thinking it’s fine I’ll make it up to her next time, but next time never happened because I never showed up. I guess I was just so focused on making sure my teammates all liked me, and they had just stopped treating me like a kid, finally inviting me places - and I’m not using that as an excuse because I know it’s a shit one, it’s on me. Nobody forced me to do anything, I just wanted to feel included, and I put everyone else’s feelings above yours when yours was the one that was the most important to me.”

He finally lifted his head, and he was close enough that you could see the tears streaming down his face as he looked intently at you, almost like he was trying to memorize you, “If you want to walk away you can, you should - I’ll understand. I just wanted to apologize, really apologize, and own up to everything I did. I love you, and I promise you I won’t take anyone for granted the way I did with you.”

Your expression mirrored his own, and the tears were falling freely at his confession now that it was just the two of you. All the things you had wanted him to realize he had. All the things you wished he had said, he finally did.

But was it too late?

“Thank you, Pablo.”

He let out a short laugh through his tears, “No, thank you.”

You gave him a soft smile before you put distance between the two of you, letting the rain mask the sound of you leaving.

The lights from the venue grew dimmer as you continued walking, and you spared one last glance over your shoulder before it disappeared from view, seeing Gavi’s tiny figure rooted in place, watching you leave.

Your steps faltered.

How could you leave this relationship, this boy, when every single warning sign was going off in your brain, telling you to turn around and fight, to not give up? He had understood, he had understood exactly what you had felt, and had owned up to his mistakes, what else could he have done? He couldn’t go back and make it better, but he could change the way he treated you, but how would you acknowledge the change if you didn’t stick around?

It didn’t feel right walking away.

You thought you would feel content, feel like the pressure was lifting from your shoulders, but the dropping feeling in your stomach was multiplying, and your heart was constricting painfully at the thought of never seeing him, never laughing with him, never kissing him again, at the idea of falling in love with someone that wasn’t him.

You never ran faster in your life.

Let him be there. Please let him be there.

You didn’t know how you could explain yourself if you had to walk back into the event sopping wet, eyes puffy, and nose runny.

You couldn’t stop the wide smile that stretched across your face as he realized he was right where you left him.

You sat next to him and he didn’t notice until you spoke.

“Pablo.”

His head shot upon hearing your voice, and his face lifted for a second before falling again, “Di-Did you forget something?”

You nodded.

“Ok I can get it for you, what is it?” He cleared his throat, trying to make his voice clear.

You shifted closer to him, bodies pressed against each other, “I forgot that I love you. I love you and I want to work this out. I’m happy that you took responsibility and I believe you. I believe that you won’t do it again. But I should apologize too – I also wasn’t fair to you, and I did things that I shouldn’t have just to get back at you for making me feel so small.”

“I’m sorr-”

You cut him off, “Let’s stop apologizing.”

He nodded, eyes looking at you with nothing but love and admiration,

“Ok but we’ll have to work on our communication.” He said, and you hummed in agreement.

You touched your forehead with his, staring at each other with baited breaths until he finally closed the distance and kissed you. After a month of not seeing each other, you were finally kissing, pouring all your emotions, all your love, all your pain into the kiss, making a promise to be there for each other, and it felt like coming home.

alternate ending

[thebearer]

would you be willing to write something along the lines of casual dominant Carmy taking care of his girl who’s injured, maybe working at the restaurant with him? like maybe he’s super pissed at the carelessness causing injuries but also super concerned and caring

(may or may not be inspired by me breaking my finger and having it taped up, chipping the bone in my ankle and hurting most of the toes of the same foot 😅)

i tweaked the plot just a bit but same scenario lol. hope you enjoy!

"Hands!" Carmen yelled, plating the finished bolognese for Tina to grab, nodding at the perfected response. It was busy today, far busier than he expected with the stormy, summer weather, but he couldn't complain. The team was moving like a well oiled machine, customers were happy, and even Richie was in a good, upbeat mood.

"Corner!" Sydney announced, turning the corner abruptly, hand on the store's phone. "Chef, I need you."

"What?" Carmen looked over, adding the finishing garnish to the dish before putting it on the serving station. "What's the matter?"

Sydney hesitated, turning to Tina. "Tina, can you cover please? Just for a second?"

"Yes, Chef." Tina nodded, moving to Carmen's station, and ripping another order out.

"What's goin' on? Is it the freezer again? Fuckin' Richie-"

Sydney shook her head, nodding towards Carmen's office. "It's for you." Nodding to the phone in her hand.

"For me?" Carmen's eyes bulged, heart skipping a beat. "Are they mad?" His voice dropped low, eyes cutting to her's.

"No, no, not like that." Sydney shook her head. "It's a personal call. Look, I-I'll go cover for you."

Then Carmen was left, standing alone in his office, cradling the phone with a blinking hold line. He recognized the number nearly immediately- your number. Why would you call him at work? On the store phone? Suddenly, he was taken back to New York, standing in the kitchen after the dinner rush, looking at Sugar's name flash over and over and over on his phone.

His stomach turned, hands shaking when he answered it. "H-Hello?"

"Hi, Carmy." Your voice sounded small, a little wobbly- like you'd been crying. He was sure he was gonna be sick now.

"Hey," Carmen breathed, trying to still the beating in his chest. "What-What's goin' on? You alright? I-I didn't have my phone on me, but-"

"I'm alright." You soothed. "Well, I mean, for the most part. I... I'm at the emergency room."

That was all Carmen needed to hear, snatching his things out of the top drawer and bounding around the corner towards the back, shouting at Sydney to handle it, and cursing furiously when the line went dead.

Carmen walked through the dreaded halls of the emergency room, under the sickening fluorescence until he found your room. You looked up at him, eyes still red rimmed with left over tears, your friend chatting next to you.

"Hey, you alright?" Carmen pushed through the door, clumsily bounding towards your bedside. He still had his apron on, drove here in his fucking clogs he could barely press the pedals on, mind racing too quickly to care.

"Yeah, 'm alright." You muttered, looking down at your bandaged arm. "I burned myself and it was pretty bad. Jordie got scared and wanted to make sure it was treated." You nodded towards your friend.

Carmen felt the lump in his throat, bobbing with every movement of his head. "Yeah, I, uh, I see that." He looked carefully at the gauze.

"I'm gonna go," Jordie said, looking over at you gently. "If you're good with that."

"Yeah, I'll be alright now. Thank you." You hugged her with your good arm, Carmen muttering a thank you as she left.

Carmen sat beside you, hand falling over your leg. "How'd you do that, baby? What happened?"

You sighed, frustrated, maybe a little embarrassed. "It's so stupid." You could feel the tears flooding your water line again, Carmen's hand soothing them with tiny rubs. "I was making brownies for me and Jordie so we could have, like, a chill little movie day. And-And I wasn't even thinking, we were just talking, and I grabbed the tray out of the oven without a mitt." Your lip wobbled.

Carmen's eyes softened, cooing at you lightly. "And-And I freaked and didn't want to drop the tray so I threw it in the water, and then I ran my hand under cold water, like you said to do, but it was blistering really bad already and-and I don't know it looked like it was bleeding, and we were both freaking out because it hurt so fucking bad, so she took me here."

"That was good." Carmen nodded, your watery gaze meeting his. "No, that-that was the right thing to do. Could get infected."

"It's gonna cost so much." You muttered, looking down at your feet. "I-I should've called you- I tried to, but you didn't answer and... I just got scared."

"Don't worry about it." Carmen shook his head, reaching out to wipe a stray tear with the pad of his thumb. "You got insurance, we'll figure it out, alright? Just... You did the right thing, baby."

You took a shaky breath, curling into his touch, cheek to the palm of his hand. "The doctor said it was third degree." You muttered.

Carmen sucked a breath in. "Ouch. That's gonna hurt tomorrow. They give you anything for it?"

You nodded. "It's at the pharmacy. Some cream and bandages and something for the pain."

"Good." Carmen nodded. "We'll stop on the way home, ok? You gotta make sure you keep it clean, alright? Be gentle with it. Take it easy, ok? Can't get it infected."

You rolled your eyes lightly, rubbing your eyes with your free hand. "I will." You nodded.

"I know you will. I'll make sure you do, alright? I'll help you, baby." Carmen cooed, taking your wrist gently in his hand, pressing a soft kiss to the bottom of the bandage.

"I didn't mean for you to leave, Carmy." You sighed, blinking at him gently. "You didn't have to leave for me-"

"-Yeah, I did." Carmen said, a finality in his tone that left no room for argument. "Don't say that to me. You know I'm gonna come check on you. You're hurt."

"And it's dinner." You countered. "I was just letting you know."

"And I'm glad you did." Carmen said sincerely. "But I wanted to come. Syd's got it. I called Sugar on the way here, and she's gonna help Richie out front, and I'm gonna take you home. Make sure you're all good."

Carmen took extra caution, listening to the doctor's orders before your discharge- as if he didn't know most of the protocol. He was meticulous about your schedule for the next few days, texting you when to take your medicine, clean your gauze, not hold your phone in your injured hand. Everything he could to make sure you felt better, even making those brownies for you- from scratch, this time, which beat your Betty Crocker box ones.

[xas24]

young and in love ~ pablo gavi

summary: just gavi and y/n being completely infatuated with eachother.

“¡mira a esos dos!” (look at those two) ansu snickered to pedri and jordi alba, pointing towards one of the lounge chairs near the pool. the three players turned to where he nodded and a cheeky smile instantly fell on each of their faces when their eyes landed on their youngest friends.

pablo and y/n sat so close together on the lounge chair that if they even moved a little, one of them would’ve fallen off. they looked to be deep in conversation, each of their sunglasses sat atop their heads as they maintained eye contact.

the heat of the sun blazed down in araújo’s backyard. he had invited the whole team over, and their girlfriends, for a big cookout slash pool day. the season had officially ended and they had nothing but endless ‘relaxing’ time on their hands, as araújo claimed it.

it’d been a few hours since everyone arrived. y/n and pablo, as soon as they came, decided to relax on one of the lounge chairs. they greeted everybody at first, had a drink, y/n talked with the other wags whilst pablo conversed with his own friends, they ate some of the snacks before huddling off together on the lounge chair by the pool to which they haven’t moved from in an hour.

only god knows what they were talking so intensely about, their little giggles being heard now and then. it was as if no one else even existed outside of their little bubble.

pablo had one of his arms around the top of the chair, his other arm comfortably laying around his girlfriends waist. y/n had one hand folded over his, the other playing with the small bracelet on his wrist.

pablo’s eyes never left his girlfriend. his big, brown orbs were almost glued to her as she comfortably conversed with him. he couldn’t care less if everyone else was looking at the two of them, he had his girl in his arms, looking as beautiful as ever in her white sundress and wavy hair.

every now and then he mumbled out a small reply to her words, letting her know he was listening but they both knew he wasn’t. he was too preoccupied gazing at his girl, his love. his cheeks were slightly flustered, mostly from his beating heart and not the blaring sun, but he did use it as an excuse though.

pedri laughed a little when he noticed how y/n playfully rolled her eyes at something pablo seemed to have said, his smile mirroring hers.

“¡ah, ser joven y estar enamorado!” (ah, to be young and in love!) jordi sighed out loud dramatically making ansu snicker.

“¡como si! no pudieran ni quitarse las manos de encima.” (as if! they can’t even keep their hands off eachother) ansu commented when he saw gavi reach one hand down, fingertips toying with the strap of her dress. jordi, with a last content smile in the young couples direction, walked off, giving ansu a pat on the back, as he left him with pedri.

pablo reached forward and planted a kiss on her cheek, quick and gentle. y/n smiled and turned to look at him, his eyes already on her. she started to lean in to press a kiss to his lips when they both heard pedris voice from the other side of the pool.

“¡oye! ¡dale un respiro, tortolito!” (oi! give it a break lovebirds!)

the young couple turned their heads to see pedri with a cheeky grin on his face with ansu stood beside him chuckling at their amused faces. y/n felt her cheeks immediately start to redden with the embarrassment of getting caught being a little touchy with her boyfriend.

however, it seemed pablo didn’t really care as his features were pulled into his usual frustrated expression and he shot a hand up and gestured for the two to, basically, get lost.

he looked back to her flustered face and leaned back in to resume what she was about to do. as soon as his soft lips touched hers, she heard the two twenty-year olds laughter start to recede, indicating they had walked off.

pablo pulled back after a few seconds, face still hovering over her as his eyes searched hers. they both looked at each other with such raw intensity and love, it looked admirable to anyone who walked past.

pablo asked if she wanted anything to eat, to which she nodded and signalled for him to get up. one he was off the chair, he held out his hand for her to take, fingers gently encasing with hers as he led her over to where everybody else was situated.

the two couldn’t hold back the bright blush that rushed onto their cheeks at the teasing comments they all made about the ‘two lovebirds that finally made it out of their little cage.’ pablos grip on her hand tightened and his heart began beating louder in his chest when she squeezed back.

[harrie-fic-center]

satoru gojo

12:03 pm by yueebby

a family forged in curses by livinghostly

a night to remember by ianyoa

a typical family by literalia

after what happened by kingkohona

all mine by yueebby

always, eventually, yours by steleir

apocalypse by strxxberries

as if the memories have a heart that only beats at night by sttoru

ask me to leave and i'll stay forever by twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat

astral cadence by voidslasher

back off, kid by inupibaldspot

bewitched by lovelyprincessmarie

beyond the unending night by stellamancer

blurb by awearywritersworld

blurb by sttoru

butterfly effect by jikoolkat

close by certifiedfreec

cupid's quiver by venusiansilk

death is pretty but his eyes are prettier by chronicdisasterwrites

decidedly yours by elusivemoon

don't take me home yet by malo_star

do you like me? nope by awearywritersworld

drunk by coconutdays

drunk in love by yueebby

fear by chuluoyi

for better, for worse by alatushills

for you, i would by chronicdisasterwrites

gratitude by awearywritersworld

heartbreak, heartbreak by littlepookie

how the star and the moon found the planets by kenmasroots

how to keep house while drowning and buy yourself the lillies by venusstar

i wasn't waiting by tender-rosiey

i will hold on to you for as long as you let me by livinghostly

intrinsic warmth by thatdesklamp

i will hold on to you for as long as you let me by livinghostly

ito by peekamatcha

keep dreaming! by yueebby

know it all by elusivemoon

light sleeper by stsgluver

like a tall child by hangelvr

love entries by chuluoyi

married on purpose by chuluoyi

meet cute by teddybeartoji

migranes by stsgluver

musing memories by myuroll

my heart is like paper by strawberrylover44

my wife by tender-rosiey

not so invisible strong by sahkuna

nothing stays the same by transitorywhim

october by shogunish

playing dangerous by satorkive

promise by stsgluver

reflections by staryuuu

snapshot by stsgluver

suffocation by foxisune

summer skies, winter lies by miyaspudding

synchronise by vagabond_umlaut

take me back to before by stsgluver

tell me you don't want me by awearywritersworld

the butterfly effect by ranposs

the honoured, the blessed. by sucker4sadlove

the moon, the stars, and the sun by ealynwrites

the path to insanity starts with you by aveirix

the strongest by emefaerie

the thorn in your side by sugurustattoo

the three times gojo thinks he might be in love and the time he knows for sure by awearywritersworld

to build a home by just-jordie-things

too many beds by dyaz-stories

walk him like a dog by inupibaldspot

what lies in the ocean by ealynwrites

where did i go wrong by hiroka

wingman ain't subtle by inupibaldspot

you are not a god (just a man i love) by haveuseenthis

you are somebody that i want to keep by twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat

you make my heart flutter and fibrillate by vagabond_umlaut

you touched my hair and i almost passed out by chronicdisasterwrites

[bubbles-for-all-of-us]

Hi grl! First of all I wanted to tell you how much I ABSOLUTELY ADORED your kaz x reader series (exactly as you are)! The way you treated kaz character, how he actually cares (even if he tries to mask it) about the reader and his crows, how he wants to be better for reader, and how he consideres himself weak when he fails at a simple thing like touching his loved one or expressing his feelings... Besides, I hate it when people just ignore kaz haphephobia and trauma but, again, your work was amazing.

Now that you're taking requests, could you maybe do a one-shot/two-shot about him and non grisha crow!fem!reader? Maybe a flangst/fluff, something to do with him trying to overcome his touch aversion brick by brick for her, or with a sunshine reader who's been through so much trauma but she's a sunshine (not naive) with everyone to try and lighten their moods and hide her trauma... or idk literally about anything you can think of (I just want some kazzle dazzle content tbh hehe)

Thank you so much, you're great <33

Your girl is rusty when it comes to Kaz but boy do I miss him. So, I hope you will enjoy this!🫧

warnings: abuse, blood and implied violence.

Petal

On nights when Kaz felt like sabotaging himself, and that was most nights, he forced himself to watch your restless form as nightmare after nightmare ripped through your mind, making you claw at the plush blanket beneath you, drenching you in cold sweat. Kaz forced himself to watch because it’s his fault. His fault that he didn’t see it. How could he sit here and claim that he knew it all? Knew even the exact time a leaf was going to fall from a tree when he missed something so important right in front of his nose.

Kaz remembers the time you had first stepped into the club. Hair windswept. The cloak way too thin for the winds outside. You had barely given yourself a chance to look around before your whole body grew stiff as you prepared yourself for the worst. See, Kaz had been forced by Nina to hand out leaflets about the club hiring new staff. “You can be wiping your ass with the coins you have and I’m there alone with cracked skin on my hands”.

But everything had screamed at Kaz to say no from the moment he saw you. Too sweet. Too pure. Too innocent. Who even wears flowers in their hair in the dead of autumn? Yet he couldn’t look away. “We don’t sell cakes here, move along”, his cold voice cut through the silence, as he motioned you back to the door with his cane. One more beat of surprise and fear. And yet another beat came out clean and steady. “I can sell beer too or whatever that you sell here”, your hands had been clenched in fists as you spoke. A slight tremble. But even the dismissive silence hadn’t chased you away. “I can mop the floor, I can do it all. Can even sing if guests need entertainment. I just…”, that whole time you had been talking to the darkness. Since the club was empty still Kaz was a fan of hiding in its corners. “You don’t even have to pay much just so I could buy some food”, that had stirred something deep in Kaz. Imagines of Jordie flashed by. Empty stomachs. Cold streets. But then if you were suffering from the same fate he had you wouldn’t be standing there shining like the sun in the spring sky.

But Kaz hadn’t even been close to imagining what you were going through. Nina had fallen in love with you almost immediately so the hustle of you two twirling through the club had become a regular sight. It was the difference in your stance that the first monthly pay had made. You had been late to work the first day after. Your movements were slower. Eyes hollow and tired. “Well one of us celebrated nicely huh”, Nina had nudged you, “Up all night spending that earned coin”, you had returned her smile with a somewhat made-up smile of your own but that had been the first time Kaz had an inkling that something was happening behind close doors.

“You can eat food in the club, you know”, Kaz had managed to find you alone in the storage room, organizing the boxes. Your hair was falling out of the loosely done bun, draping across your face in such an enchanting way that Kaz had to make sure to not let his jaw hang low. You had swept some of it away with the back of your hand, “there’s no need, plenty of food at home”, you said. It was a slight jab and your eyes instantly had grown wide at the realization so you added, “Thanks to you, of course”.

Kaz had humbled, letting his gaze linger. “You can also, as an employee, stay here for the night if there’s a need”, and there it was that sharp bob of your throat. But you shook your head, “I appreciate it but”, you shrugged, “I’m fine in my own home”. You wondered if he was going to push or order you to do so but Kaz had simply turned around and walked away but his mind was already set. Just things had been set into motion even sooner than he expected because a couple of days later you had once again barely been walking at the end of the week.

“You’re stalling orders, man don’t like waiting”, Kaz said firmly, for the first time making you flinch slightly. “I’ll pick it up, I’m sorry”, you said bluntly, reaching for two more pines when Kaz’s eyes drifted to your exposed wrist.

The end of his cane pressed against the purple mark, “What is this?”, his tone was cold, dripping ice. You knew how he was with his investments. No flaws. Always useful. “I… A barrel fell…”, you mustered, making Kaz raise a brow, “A barrel?”. You nodded eagerly, maybe too eagerly. “And left fingerprints on your skin? Do you think I’m stupid?”, Kaz’s tone had turned sour. You quickly shook your head, “Of course no, you are the best…”, “Who did this to you, YN?”, Kaz cut you off making you look up at him instantly.

You couldn’t tell him. He couldn’t know. “It’s nothing…”, you whined right as Kaz stepped right in front of you his gloved hand now the one wrapped around your aching wrist. That not only was purple and blue but also broken. “Looks like something to me. Who?”, Kaz demanded. His electric blue eyes pierce your soul. You let out yet another whimper as your eyes started burning with tears. You had a feeling what end the person would meet and her and now you were the one vowing the thread of life. “My father”, your voice had been barely a whisper but Kaz’s face had turned ashen. And then he turned around. As if haven’t just given him your biggest secret.

“Kaz”, you called after him. Wanted to reach for him yet more than aware that he hated touch. “Go to the office in the back of the club”, he turned back, white medical wrap in his hands, “You are staying in the house from tonight”. Taken back all you could was watch him. As his trembling hands reached for your wrist, wrapping it up for support.

“But…”, you muttered. “Nina will bring you food and then walk you to your new place”, he was speaking as if all of this had been set for months. “Kaz…”, you tried to cut in but it’s like your words didn’t reach him. “You won’t be working for the rest of the week”, he grumbled and you failed to understand if that annoyed him or not. “Kaz, please”, you muttered but once his eyes met yours his expression was like nothing you had seen before, “Any stuff you want for yourself from that place?” You blinked a couple of times before shaking your head. Kaz’s fingers lingered on your skin before he dropped your hand, “Good”, he said as if you had signed your life away to him fully and stepped out of the back room.

Now weeks down the line here he is. With your father’s blood on his hands. Still lingering. It didn’t give him the closure Kaz wanted. The old fuck died too quickly for his liking. Not to mention that Kaz hated the man even more now because even if physical he wasn’t here. His actions still haunted you. “Please”, you cried, head turning to the side as you tried to flee from the horror, “Don’t lock at the door, no, papa”. Kaz pulled back from the wall he had been leaning against, crossing the room in a couple of strong steps. Then there was the choice that he had to make. He doubted that seeing him first thing out of a nightmare would make you happy. So he slowly, through gritted teeth made himself lay on the side of your bed. Now his own frightened eyes watched you because Kaz could feel the heat from your body.

Your head turned to the side with another plea, this time hitting Kaz’s arm. His whole body got ridged. The salty smell of the sea filled his senses. But then a content sigh leaves your lips and Kaz sees the tension in your body fading. The content was minimal. Your forehead was resting against his upper arm, fingers grazing his palm. Kaz took a sharp breath in. Making himself turn to look at you fully. His heart practically clawing at the chest at the sight of your clam features. All because of… but he didn’t let himself entertain that thought. Not now. Not tonight, “I’ll always protect you, petal”.

[kanejlover729]

the way kaz feels love

kaz brekker loves so deeply and it's not talked about enough. he spent 8 years hell-bent on seeking some kind of justice for his older brother — justice is the distribution of love. he may have discarded his family name along with his innocence, his childhood, but kaz kept jordie so close to his heart that it haunted him. his first thought when he saw mikka walk through a wall was not that he was drugged, but that it was his brother's ghost. while on the most dangerous heist of his life, with almost complete certainty that it would fail, kaz turned up late to their meeting spot because he intended to find pekka. for jordie. everything he had done since the age of nine was for jordie. he survived for jordie. while his methods of justice aren't at all moral or "good", he doesn't care. he won't stop until he succeeds in avenging his late brother. "Kaz Brekker didn't need a reason", and yet the very reason he escaped that harbour, the very reason he was still alive and strong as ever, was for his family. his brother. jordie.

and what about inej? of course, he comes to the quick realisation in the books that he would do anything for inej. for her happiness and her health and her freedom. he damages his bad leg, running, to save inej from death before they leave for the heist. he kills a man for hurting her.

"He tried to think of his brother, of revenge, of Pekka Rollins tied to a chair in the house on Zelverstraat, trade orders stuffed down his throat as Kaz forced him to remember Jordie's name. But all he could think of was Inej. She had to live. She had to have made it out of the Ice Court. And if she hadn't, then he had to live to rescue her."

he cares so much about inej's safety that he forces himself to stay awake as long as he can — drowning in a way that could only have reminded him of the worst moment of his life — because he needs inej to get out alive. he liquidates every asset he has to buy off her indenture. he defends her freedom, chastises himself for thinking of her as "his". buys her a ship and uses his one favour with the king of ravka to reunite her with her family. to give back her life. even at the risk of potentially never seeing her again. and of course there's the eurydice and orpheus parallel at the end of six of crows, where the crows are practically cornered after being scammed. his life is at risk, he should be getting ready to fight. and yet he looks over at inej in a moment of concern, and just like that she's taken from him. because he cares too hard. loves too much.

now jesper. jesper has always reminded kaz of jordie, hence the deep-rooted bitterness he has for jes' gambling problems. for all of his snark and unfeeling, the last thing kaz wants is for jesper to end up dead like his brother because of his own foolishness. he treats jesper with a quite childish act of resentment (practically silent-treatment, when you think about it) after jes' habits nearly gets them killed. nearly gets inej killed. even the immature way he handles this situation is a testament to the fact that he sees jesper as his brother — he's bitter and stubborn and harsh with his words, just because of one poor mistake. [as if kaz hasn't made those before]. even when they do end up getting into a fight, it's more of a scrap than it is a beat-down.

"Jesper and Kaz swung around, crashed into the mechanism of the clock, righted themselves. It wasn't a fight, it was a brawl—graceless, a tangle of elbows and fists. “Ghezen and his works, someone stop them!” Wylan said desperately. “Jesper hasn't shot him,” Nina said. “Kaz isn't using his cane,” said Inej. “You think they can't kill eachother with their bare hands?” They were both bleeding—Jesper from a cut on his lip and Kaz from somewhere near his brow. Jesper's shirt was halfway over his head and Kaz's sleeve was tearing at the seam."

They're resorting to a fist fight because in the end, they aren't trying to kill eachother. they're trying to prove something — but what? jesper is defending himself for the mistake he made, for the forgiveness he deserves. and kaz... is vitriolic. angered that jesper is just like his brother. because it means he cares.

[swanimagines]

BY YOUR SIDE | KAZ BREKKER

Summary: Your dad has just died and you have gone to Kaz for comfort.

Kaz hated seeing you cry. Empathy was something Dirtyhands was supposed to lack, but when you sobbed there, it made him feel so helpless to see how you looked like a hollowed-out husk of who you usually were. The light in your eyes had dimmed as you wept into your knees.

Kaz remembered his own father dying, but he had been so young and had Jordie for support that the memories felt distant in comparison. He didn't know what to say or what to do, to be honest he hadn't expected you to come to him for comfort in the first place. Inej would be better at comforting, or Nina. But he would just sit there staring at you crying, you knew you wouldn't get hugs or kisses from Kaz Brekker no matter how much you cried. It wasn't something he was proud of.

After a while your sobs slowly died down and you wiped away your tears with one sleeve of your cardigan, sniffing back some snot. You ran your hand over your hair and tried to smile, though it looked more like someone else's imitation than anything real. "I'm sorry," you said softly. "You shouldn't have had to see me this way."

"No apology necessary," he replied, glancing at your hands folded in your lap.

Your voice sounded weak and strained when you spoke again. "I... I  just don't know what to do."

He frowned, he knew you were good friends with other Crows. He was the worst possible person you could come to with a matter like this. He didn't even know you'd be willing to show yourself being so vulnerable in front of him, especially after he had been extremely vocal about affection and love being a weakness, completely opposite of what most of the other Crows stood for. And he kind of considered telling you that and sending you off, but... he couldn't. You weren't weak, just lost.

Kaz glanced around the room as if looking for an answer, but then shook his head and sighed, standing up from his desk. He had a meeting to attend downstairs, but he didn't want to send you off in that state. He walked up to his clothing rack, taking one of his coats and went back to you. You flinched upon feeling the soft fabric landing on your shoulders and looked up.

"Take it. It's cold here," he told you, still not sure where to take you or how else to help you. But this would be the best he could do as for now. "We have a meeting with the Crows in a few minutes. But I'll be back in an hour or so."

You blinked at him, but then slowly wrapped the coat tighter around you. A flicker of your light passed in your eyes, which made the corner of Kaz's mouth twitch upwards.

"Thank you," you whispered, and he nodded before heading out from the office.

---

The heist had been planned ready and Kaz could almost see the kruge glinting in the vault already as he made his way back upstairs. He smirked at the thought of yet another foolish merchant thinking they were clever enough to beat his gang, and having to eat their words when their vault would be empty.

He opened his office door and paused. He had forgotten about you completely, or maybe he thought you'd go to your room while he's at the meeting. But instead, you had dozed off on his sofa, clutching his coat in your hands and wearing it like a blanket. Your hair had fallen down around your face, and you looked like one of Inej's Saints. It made his heart skip a beat.

Kaz set his blueprints down on his desk and glanced at you sleeping there, wondering if he should wake you up and send you off into your own room, but then decided against it. You needed comfort, and if you could get it from sleeping on his couch with his coat as your blanket, so be it.

Maybe he wouldn't confess it, or even acknowledge it himself, but Kaz Brekker was completely and utterly in love with you and would do anything for you.

---

Requests are always open! FANDOM LIST | PROMPT LIST(S) | RULES (READ!!!)

[redamancyys]

Hello! I've got an idea for some headcanons! (If you're comfortable) Maybe dry humping with Kaz for the first time because he's not ready for skin to skin content but he's ready for something :)

yes yes YES!!!!

nsfw under the cut!

kaz would be dying to touch you, i think that it would literally be ripping him apart that he doesn't have the strength to do so yet. because he wants to pleasure you, he desires you so much that it probably gets to the point where it pisses him off that he doesn't feel comfortable with touch yet.

but you understand this, at this point the two of you have been together for so long that you know all about his trauma with jordie and touch that you don't let him beat himself up about it.

so instead, you two try to think of different things to be intimate. slowly building him up to the idea of going all the way.

you two have kissed, done all of that stuff, but the two of you still haven't been able to have sex, or you give him head, or anything of the sorts.

honestly, the idea of dry humping didn't get on any of your guys' radar before one day you were sitting together and you were looking at his thigh, watching it flex for just a moment and suddenly getting the sudden overwhelming horniness.

i mean come on, the man is so fucking hot. like drop dead gorgeous and he doesn't even try.

and then without even thinking you put your book down, turn to face him and watch as his attention came onto you. you breathed out suddenly, asking, "do you trust me?" and of course his answer is yes. "just stop me if it's too much."

you got up and straddled him, which caught kaz by surprise because hello you're so hot and straddling him and this isn't the closest you've ever been to one another but it's pretty close. his breathing gets heavier, yours does too.

you placed yourself above his hips, clothes against clothes, and bucked your hips forward, feeling your core press against his clothed dick and OH MY LORD does it feel good.

all this pent up tension between the both of you is finally getting some relief and at this point kaz is realizing what you're doing, it feels so good for him too, that his gloved hands place themselves on your hips and start helping you with the movement. your head finds its way to his shoulder and you're lightly moaning into his neck. he even lets out a few grunts too.

and you two continue like that until you both find release. earth shattering, amazing release and you two realize that there is a lot you can do clothed. and you were definitely doing this again.

[just-jordie-things]

WAAAAH thing about playfighting w megumi (;_;)

he always tries to suppress his giggles but he just can’t help it!!!!! i love thinking about silly soft boyfie megumi he makes me Sob.

what are ur thoughts?!?! keep up the good work!!

ᕦ(ò_óˇ)ᕤ

nonnie I've been reduced to a silly girl with a silly crush. how should i tell my partner i am taken by a fictional man.

___

play fighting with megumi has become your love language. it might seem silly but it's the best way to reduce him to blushing and giggles.

he's sitting in bed reading? sneak attack! you throw yourself into his lap with a delighted squeal. but his distraction was a farce! he knew what you were going to do, and was quick to toss his book to the side to flip you over and pin you down. he teases you for falling for his trap as he tickles you.

but you're feistier than he is, and you know just how to trick him.

kisses. your trap is kisses.

but he always gives in! it's too easy to pepper his face with kisses and fool him into thinking you're done with play fighting. silly boy, you think, as you wrap your arms around him and flip him over again.

this sends you both off the bed with a loud thud, but neither of you are bothered as you go back to trying to pin his arms down while he's trying to throw you onto your back again.

you're so lost in your giggling and squirming around, that you don't hear the scurry of footsteps nearing megumi's door.

"surrender" you playfully growl in megumi's face when you successfully hold both his wrists above his head.

"never" he raises his head to be closer to your face. there's a playful look in his eye, hiding something more mischievous behind it because, after all, this is fun because he quite enjoys having you on top of him.

"then face my wrath!" you're practically cheering, but before you can deliver your rain of terror, megumi's door slides open.

"WHAT HAPPENED!?" yuuji screeches.

"ARE YOU DYING?" nobara's scream follows.

both pause in his doorway as they see what the ruckus was all about.

you and megumi are in a rather compromising position, on the floor, the sheets tangled around you from your sudden fall, your faces inches apart and you're still pining his wrists to the ground.

megumi tilts his head backwards, giving his friends an upside down glare, while you just grin at them, finding the whole thing entertaining.

yuuji awkwardly apologizes, swiveling around and nearly running away from the scene. nobara's face contorts into disgust.

"gross!" she hollers, before slamming the door shut and chasing after yuuji while wailing something about bleaching her eyes.

megumi tilts his head to look up at you, furrowing his brows in annoyance.

"what, you embarrassed, 'gumi?" you tease with a smirk.

"they could learn to knock" he grumbles back.

"not like they walked in on anything that bad," you muse, lowering your face so your lips could ghost over his. "although they'll pro'lly leave us alone for a while"

sneaky girl, megumi smirks and finally pulls his hands out of your hold so he could wrap his arms around you and pull you completely down against him, slamming your lips together.

"i still won, by the way" you don't miss the chance to remind him of your victory, as soon as his lips trail away from yours and trace along your jaw.

when you finally get up off the ground, megumi picking you up gently to bring you back to the bed, you pull your finishing move, pushing all of your body weight onto him to make him fall onto his back on the mattress. you pin him again, giggling with glee as you do so.

he's flustered, because his mind had been elsewhere, but he can't help but burst into giggles with you, because you look so happy whenever you 'beat' him.

"i win again!" you declare.

distracting him with kisses always worked.

___

icanticanticant the idea of doing this is ruining my fucking life

xoxo ~ jordie