#be the victim again. or worse. tell me that i dont really think that. last time i said i knew i was a disappointment she said that.

[aropride]

hi

hello internet strangers want to hear about my personal life as per usual

well as those familiar w my lore know my title ix case (us-specific college thing where, tldr, if u get sexually assaulted u can do a little mini court case thru ur school) is finally fucking over + i won . which is awesome. unfortunately the respondent (title ix word for "person who did the assaulting") got preeeetty much no sanctions at all . like literally nothing changed . the lawyer recommended they be moved to the other dorm hall but they couldnt, so basically they got put on probation and that's it. Lmao. which means my situation is WORSE than before i filed the complaint, bc b4 i filed the complaint they were in the other dorm hall, and then they moved to mine. but i can't do shit about it unless i want to take my school to, like, court.

well anyway the respondent's life changed in no meaningful way Except they moved out of the dorms last month by their own choice. i assumed that meant they were embarassed abt what they did But i guess not. Bc they've been getting really into on campus events and hanging out in the central building that i like to hang out at. and its like. okay. whatever.

but the thing is . theyve been going to a lot of queer-centric events recently . and while im the only person whos filed a complaint or won a case against them. i am not the only victim i know that for a fact and the other victim is also a queer person. So can you see why im worried about someone who managed to sexually assault two queer people within the first week of living on campus like, integrating themself into the community like nothing fucking happened

and theres this school dance coming up in a couple weeks and im worried that will give them an opportunity to like. hurt someone else.

and i want people to KNow what they did because i dont feel safe with them on campus anyway but i especially dont feel safe now theyre talking to people and making friends (especially bc most of their friends r like. friends of friends. like i dont know them but i know of them yk) . i dont know what theyre saying about me (if anything) and i especially dont know if theyve hurt anyone else. and they might have! because they demonstrated a frankly dangerous lack of regard for consent repeatedly Like i think this is a genuinely dangerous person, whether by malice or stupidity or both, and i dont want anyone else to get hurt

BUT THE KICKER IS...! well first of all we're bound by a no-contact order (baby version of a restraining order). you cant be in the same classes and you cant talk to each other (irl, online, or thru a 3rd person) the title ix coordinator has provided jack shit about what a no contact order actually entails btw lol 😒. But if i were to tell someone and they went and told that person, idk if that would be considered 3rd party contact, which would get Me in trouble

i also dont know if it would be considered "breaking confidentiality" if i said their name- again, don't know jack shit, don't have documentation of the actual rules i'm supposed to be following. but i really dont feel like this is a safe situation for this person to be on campus with no one knowing what they did

im also just generally worried about them finding out ive told people and getting mad and going to the coordinator and me getting in trouble when the only reason im even considering this is bc, again, the school didnt do jack shit

and i dont even know How i would tell aynone . like im not rly friends with most of these people . i see them around and some of them i think are cool but theyre not friends or really even aquaintences . so it would be fucking weird .

but i dont know what to do and i dont want anyone else to get hurt . and i know thats not on Me, but. i also dont want to sit back and Know. and not say anytthing

[lestappenwdc]

pretty much all the commentary are taking the lewis move to ferrari as ferrari not trusting charles and this being xyz weakness on charles' part. istg if after yet again another reputation hit inflicted by the team, they either fail to give him the car or even worse, they pull a singapore or austin on charles (both under vasseur btw, can't blame that on binotto) for lewis, i really will be done with this team. good luck to ollie bearman, may you manage to run away in due time.

Pretty much all the commentary is biased towards Lewis in one way or another. Sky Sports IS f1 at this point. They are so ingrained in it. And they worship Lewis. I am very much not looking forward to that part of it. But that is only gonna make it harder for us fans. Charles will (for the most part) be unaffected. At least that's what he should do, hope Max can give him some tips on how to ignore those British pricks.

Maybe this is wishful thinking on my part, maybe it's just me hating what happened in Austin to the point of denial but I dont think something as extreme is gonna happen again. And I haven't written an extra long essay in 2 days so congrats!! Let's see why these 2 instances happened under Vasseur and why they will not happen again.

1. Singapore 2023

Fred needed that win. And when I say that I mean Fred AND CHARLES needed that win. Fred being a new TP (brought in to please Charles) needed to have results. Nothing and I mean NOTHING was allowed to stay in the way of Fred's first win with ferrari In a season like 2023. Charles was well aware of this. No matter how much Singapore hurts us, Charles was not helping Carlos in the moment. He was not even helping Ferrari. He was helping Fred. For Fred to get the respect he needs within the higher ranks of the team. Because Charles believes in the future Fred has in mind for the team. But for that future to be a possibility the TP needs to have that trust and that reputation. Both of them needed to say "see? We won! In 2023" want more of this? Trust US. And they (Fred and Charles) were successful. You're telling me Charles didn't want to attack? You're telling me he couldn't attack? That would be drama tho, they didn't need drama not after Monza. They needed the win!!

Charles made a mistake in quali and it cost him. They then had to make an adjustment to the plan and bring the win home anyway. When I say I trust Charles to make the right decisions this is what I mean. He knows how to disobey orders and attack (again, Monza) yet he did the opposite of that in Singapore. In history it will say that Carlos won that race. In reality Charles was the one who brought the win. Talk to the wall if you dont agree.

2. Austin. I get sad even thinking about it.

Fucking Austin man! Charles was a victim of his own skill. The only reason he had the wrong strategy was because he was too good at tire management. That's it that's the reason. Carlos did not get the better strategy on some strategic or backstage genious. No. He simply ate his tires and they gave him what they thought was the worse strategy. Why they didn't switch mid race? Because that's not what ferrari does. 🙄 adapting is not a word In their vocabulary. And this is one of the things that I hope will change with the new mechanics and engineers and all other personnel that Lewis will likely bring with him.

I'm not saying strategy mistakes like this will never happen again. They probably will but if we are lucky (and them better) they will happen a lot less than recent years. Hell even last year, apart from Austin and maybe Hungary I can not remember another prominent strategy mistake the team made (Carlos' strategy in Abu Dhabi was the right call and you can fight me on this)

Will they make a team decision in favor of Lewis at some point this season? Probably. It's Lewis Hamilton. Will Charles listen and submit to team orders? No. It's Charles Leclerc. He didn't do it for Seb when he was essentially a rookie in the Ferrari. He's not gonna do it when he has 5 years of experience and a team of people he brought along with a TP he got. Charles is not gonna listen. And when he does listen it is gonna be for scheming reasons. Because it works in his favor (remember what we said about Singapore)

So frankly I don't think we have anything to worry about. Apart from, you know, Lewis bitching on the radio and Crofty bitching from his commentators seat. But we're used to all that.

[cemetery14]

me comparing akashi to billie songs : )

the time has come for me to rant about why almost all of my akashi playlist is billie eilish, sometimes im bad at wording my thoughts and i just wanna go "yknow that one billie eilish lyric? yeah thats him"

idk why i just really relate music to whatever in into at the moment, like obsessively

a couple are just gonna be vibe based but some will also be very detailed 0_0 im just gonna go in order of my playlist

i dont need to explain myself on this one but,,, he literally had a "nah im gonna be the bad guy" moment

"I had a dream I got everything I wanted Not what you'd think And if I'm being honest"

akashi winning everything and being perfect at everything and realizing that it brings him no joy

"It might've been a nightmare To anyone who might care"

"Nobody even noticed I saw them standing right there Kinda thought they might care"

'kinda thought they might care' this song really makes me think of akashi in teiko and realizing that none of the miracles care about him the way he cares about them, and none of them tried to help him if anything they made it worse

"I tried to scream But my head was underwater They called me weak Like I'm not just somebody's daughter"

"And it feels like yesterday was a year ago But I don't wanna let anybody know 'Cause everybody wants something from me now And I don't wanna let 'em down"

"If I knew it all then would I do it again? Would I do it again? If they knew what they said would go straight to my head What would they say instead?"

i love that last line for him 'would i do it again' 'what would they say instead' if only they knew how fragile akashi was would they have treated him differently? would akashi have wanted them to treat him differently?

"I used to float, now I just fall down I used to know but I'm not sure now What I was made for"

"Looked so alive, turns out I'm not real Just something you paid for What was I made for?"

akashi struggling with his own identify after being used by other his whole life

"I don't know how to feel But I wanna try I don't know how to feel But someday, I might"

"When did it end? All the enjoyment I'm sad again, don't tell my boyfriend"

akashi going from loving basketball to just seeing it as another thing he needs to win at

"Think I forgot how to be happy Something I'm not, but something I can be Something I wait for Something I'm made for"

this song makes me think of akashi and mayuzumi :>

"I'm getting older, I think I'm aging well I wish someone had told me I'd be doing this by myself There's reasons that I'm thankful, there's a lot I'm grateful for But it's different when a stranger's always waiting at your door Which is ironic 'cause the strangers seem to want me more Than anyone before"

i bet akashi has a hard time making friendships with people his age, or just friendships in general

he deals alot with people older than him, like teachers and im sure his dad already had his talking with business partners and such

"Can't shake the feeling that I'm just bad at healing And maybe that's the reason every sentence sounds rehearsed Which is ironic because when I wasn't honest, I was still being ignored (Lying for attention just to get neglection) Now we're estranged"

neglect neglect neglect akashi is a victim of neglect, GIVE HIM ATTENTION OR HES GONNA ACT OUT

"Things I once enjoyed (ah-ah) Just keep me employed now Things I'm longing for Someday, I'll be bored of"

akashis love for basketball being twisted into just another thing hes expected to win

"I'm getting older, I've got more on my shoulders But I'm getting better at admitting when I'm wrong I'm happier than ever, at least that's my endeavor To keep myself together and prioritize my pleasure 'Cause to be honest, I just wish that what I promise Would depend on what I'm given (not on his permission) (Wasn't my decision) to be abused, mmm"

'im happier than ever at least thats my endeavor to keep myself together and prioritize my pleasure'

THIS LINE AAAAAAAAA this is how i would describe akashis character post birthday over, i just think it perfectly encapsulates him and how hes doing

"They're gonna tell you what you wanna hear Then they're gonna disappear Gonna claim you like a souvenir Just to sell you in a year"

akashi being taken advantage of

"I'm overheated, can't be defeated Can't be deleted, can't un-believe it I'm overheated, can't be defeated Can't be deleted, can't be repeated I'm overheated"

kinda vibes based but it makes me think of akashi and how he constantly has to be ON for interviews or just interacting with people he knows since hes extremely popular and how overwhelming it must get

"Did you think I'd show up in a limousine? (No) Had to save my money for security Got a stalker walkin' up and down the street Says he's Satan and he'd like to meet I bought a secret house when I was seventeen (Ha) Haven't had a party since I got the keys Had a pretty boy over, but he couldn't stay On his way out, made him sign an NDA, mm"

"You couldn't save me, but you can't let me go, oh, no I can crave you, but you don't need to know, oh-oh"

"At least I gave him somethin' he can cry about I thought about my future, but I want it now, oh-oh-oh Want it now, mm-mm-mm You can't give me up"

"Did I take it too far? Now I know what you are You hit me so hard I saw stars Think I took it too far When I sold you my heart How'd it get so dark? I saw stars Stars"

vibes based but like, heavy vibes

being rich and popular at such young age like EVERYONE knows akashi, having rapid success at such a younge age must be crazy

i also have I Didnt Change My Number, Therefore I Am, and You Should See Me In A Crown but those are mostly vibes based

i love you should see me in a crown for akashi, pretty boy on a power trip <3

[averysmolkirbo]

Since im working on my fic, id thought id share this other thing i made. I meant to make it an objection.lol, (thats why it's simple) might still do that, but im gonna have to get home first to do that.

I dont have an AO3 yet (i havent written fics before) so the story'll be below the cut.

Its a little wrightworth thing (with some bonus franmaya) its the first thing ive made so lemme know if you like it!

[Courtroom, ~8pm]

"Alright. I'm here, what did you need so urgently that it required me coming here now, at this hour?"

"Huh? Edgeworth? What are you doing here?"

"Oh don't play dumb, you said you "urgently had to tell me something at the courthouse"

"When did i say that???"

"Franziska spoke to me earlier today that you apparantly 'Had to tell me something'. What even is it anyway?"

"I never said anything like that to her. Maya said she wanted me to come to the courthouse for some reason."

"And... you believed her?"

"What? Yes, of course i did! And so did you!"

"You thought she had gotten herself arrested again didn't you?"

"Well, that thought did cross my mind, but really i came because i was sorta bored all alone at the office."

"Hmph. I fear we have fallen victim to some kind of ... practical joke. If you dont have anything else to say, i'll be leaving now."

"No wait, I- I actually do have something to tell you."

"Really? Are you in on this absurd joke too?"

"No, no! I just.... had something i was gonna tell you about the next time i saw you... and you're here already.... so......"

"Alright then. What is it, Wright? Please make it quick. I'd like to get home.

"Oh? What's got you in a rush?"

"I didn't come here to be interrogated. Get on with your question, Wright."

"Ok, just curious.... (Why is Edgeworth acting so strange? Its later than he'd normally be at the courthouse, but its only around 8pm....)"

"I'm just tired, alright?"

"[I thought he didnt want to answer?]"

"What is it? Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Oh, uh, sorry. Well not to be rude but you look... tired-er than usual?"

"More tired."

"Fine, whatever. You look 'more tired '."

"That's why i was leaving."

"Well what made you so tired to start with, then?"

"I happen to have some very important and complex cases right now. There. That's your answer, anything else?"

"[I swear i'm about to begin seeing things...]

"Hehe, that's me when i take 17 benadryl and i start seeing the hat man."

"Excuse me, Wright, i didn't quite catch that last part. THE WHO?"

"Not The Who. THE HAT MAN."

"THAT'S NOT WHAT. I. MEANT."

"WHOM IS THIS HAT MAN?"

"THE MAN WHO SHOWS UP WHEN I TAKE 17 BENADRYL. KEEP UP, MILES."

"You are absolutely, IMPOSSIBLE. Do you know that??"

"ive been told that a number of times...."

"Not to mention- why on EARTH are you taking SEVENTEEN BENADRYL? No wonder you're hallucinating."

"Idk, 2 just doesnt work for me. Especially if im already sick. Besides, arent those labels just suggestions anyway? Whats the big deal if i take a few more than intended?? I need it!"

"S-SUGGESTIONS? SUGGESTIONS?! "

"I'm gonna take it by your reaction that they arent suggestions?"

"SUGGESTIONS FOR LIVING."

"Calm down, Miles, its not that big of a deal. See, i'm fine. I havent died yet. ive only done it like 3 times or something."

"IT'S- I- I wonder what goes on in that head of yours sometimes."

"haha, this is nothing, ive done worse. Like when i got charged for murder and then ate at a glass necklace to hide the evidence."

"I would be shocked right know, if i was talking to literally ANYONE else right now. But since im talking to you, Wright, i'm not the least bit suprised.

"Let me guess, in true Wright fashion, you escaped with few ill effects from this most foolish behavior?"

"Haha, how'd you know?"

"I think i only had a stomach ache, but that also mightve been what i had for lunch that day..."

"Of course.... What sort magical force do you possess that allows you to be so... immune to harm?"

"Is it perhaps the work of that magical charm Ms. Fey gave you?"

"The magatama? No, dont think so. I think all it does it let me see people's secrets..."

"Well there has to be some secret to your invincibility."

"I don't know, maybe im just lucky?"

"I'd say "Lucky" people can't fall through a BURNING BRIDGE into FREEZING RAPIDS and end up with NOTHING BUT A COLD!"

"AND "NORMAL" FRIENDS DON'T FLY 14 HOURS ACROSS THE WORLD JUST TO MAKE SURE SOMEONE'S OK BUT YOU DIDNT HEAR ME BRING THAT UP, DID YOU?"

"I TOLD YOU, THAT WAS DIFFERENT! LARRY TOLD ME YOU DIED!"

"ok, yeah, fair point. But you of all people should know not to trust Larry."

"Would you have prefered i hadn't believed him??"

"If you're going to be bringing that up, then i'd say that i have some 'decisive evidence' makes you a hypocrite."

"Uh-huh. Sure, tell me what this evidence is then, Edgeworth."

"You changed your college major just to "save" me. Whatever that means. I'd say a "normal" friend wouldn't do that ..."

"I was already considering changing majors after the whole murder trial thing, really.

"Now you're just making up excuses. Ms. Fey already told me about the trial where her sister defended you and your sudden interest in law."

"Well... well.... WELL I LOVE YOU!"

"I LOVE YOU TOO!"

"What?" (shit. The jig's up.)

"What?" (oh god. I cant believe i just said that...)

"You... uh... you say something, Edgeworth?"

"No. Did you say something?" (Oh god, he definetely noticed... think of something-)

*maya pops up from out of nowhere*

"HAH! Gotcha, Nick!"

"Aah! Maya??? What are you doing here?? How long have you been here?!? I thought you left?!"

"Ive been here....The entire time. >:3"

"Was this some kind of elaborate scheme to get us to admit our... feelings?"

"Maybe >:3 , Franziska didn't think it'd work"

"Wait, Franziska was in on your little... scheme??"

"Oh yeah, this was actually all her idea. I just lured you here, haha."

"Wha-"

"Hahaha! You guys should've seen your faces!"

"Yea.... thing is franzy said it was 'getting too hard to watch you two lovebirds pine for eachother all the time'"

"WHAT? What pining?!"

"Nick, have you even ever SEEN yourself after a trial with Mr. Edgeworth?? You always look like your crush just asked you out to prom or something!"

"I-I do?! I mean... um... No i dont..."

"You might be great at bluffing, Nick, but you're the worst liar ever! Even Pearly can hide things better than you!"

"E-even Pearls??"

---

[Defendant Lobby, ~8:30]

"We should go back to the office now, Maya. It's getting late."

...

"Hold on a minute, Wright, before you go.... is what Ms. Fey said true? About you after a trial with me?"

"I guess.... it is, heh."

"Really? You... really feel that way?"

"Of course! Its ok if you dont-"

"Don't try to act like you aren't the same way, Miles Edgeworth!"

"Hi Franziska! Glad you could make it >:3 we're just getting to the good part! I told you it'd work!"

"It-it seems it has, Maya. Thank you."

"And for your information, Mr. Phoenix Wright, this foolish fool feels the same foolish way about you as you do about him. He's an absolute fool at trying to hide it."

(Did.... von Karma just stutter when she spoke to Maya?)

"I- Hmm...(Oh. There's no point anyway... its already out...)"

"I didn't know you felt the same way, Edgeworth."

"Speak for yourself, Nick! You two are the most open books since... since... forever!!"

"How long have you been trying to get us together??"

"Well, initially i wanted to give you two lovebirds time to do it yourselves, but-"

"It was absolutely unbearable watching you two foolish fools around each other."

"Yeah.... franzy originally wanted to just whip it out of you but i covinced her to try my plan first.."

"Ummm... Thanks?"

"You know i'm still open to doing so, Mr. Phoenix Wright.

"Ok! Ok! Sorry!"

"Wright..."

"Yeah? What is it, Edgeworth?"

"Would you perhaps... care to have dinner with me? Now? My treat."

"Oh, I would love to! How about we bring Maya and we all get burgers?"

"That sounds.... Wonderful. Let's go."

"YAY! Burgers! Let's go!"

----

bonus franmaya thing:

"Are- are you and Franziska together, Maya?!"

"I saw her blush while talking to you, and she didnt even call you by your full name."

"Duh! Why else do you think she lets me use a pet name? You know not every couple wants to wait 15 years to confess to each other ... right, Nick?"

"I just thought that she would be the last person you'd want to be with. She did try getting you convicted of murder, remember?"

"Franzy's actually way softer than you think, but don't tell her i told you that."

"Besides, Mr. Edgeworth did the same thing and YOU still love him!"

"That was different! He was my childhood friend and he probably didnt have a choice on who he prosecuted then. Also, Edgeworth has never whipped me to unconciousness before. Or at all."

"Oh yea, i remember that, franzy told me it was one of her favorite moments ever in court. But you also cant tell her about that either, or she might reenact a version 2"

(Maybe stop telling me all your relationship details then....)

"Why did she like it so much?? (is franziska a sadist??)"

"You know what, actually, im too hungry to argue right now... lets go."

"Good choice Nick, lets go get some burgers!"

============

[fleastinger]

I dont think you realize how hard this is going for me.

Its like picking at a burn that desperately needs to be left alone, risking infection every pull. Like my eyebrows. Like my ingrowns. It's not good for me, even now, when all I could think of is letter every day from the past week.

If I doing good, I think of you, and wonder if you're thinking of me. Unblock on soundcloud, search you on twitter, then block again. I wonder if you knew I kept looking at your music even after you messaged me. The moment you hid your likes is when I realized how bad I was getting.

And If I feel bad..... I think of you, and compare. I would miss how I would cry in front of you, but get sad imagining how you would respond. I think this wouldve been worse for you, since I was so quick to play victim and not own up to how I needed help.

I thought about it. I really did. I accidentally hit follow at work once, when I was thinking of you. I freaked out. I was scared to acknowledge how much you kept reaching out , and scared that I lead you on for my mistake. But i thought about it. I kept acknowledged how I felt through my reposts. Listening to pink reminded me of you so much. But it was too late for us.

I think if I had waited, and broke up with R , I wouldve been with you. I wouldve been mad, but i wouldve accepted the fact that you called the last day of the ultimatum.

But what happened shattered me. You have to understand. I always saw myself as a loyal person. R was someone I really considered kids with, until I realized I wouldn't be happy so young with them. I was ready to break up with him for you. I just got impatient, too comfortable. I got self destructive. I lost my mind the night we fucked. I was so depressed when we were together, guilty over how I handled myself. I feel like, no matter how depressed and hopeless I feel right now, at least I am not always smoking away my responsibilities and being stressed about you. Being mad, distrustful, exhausted, bitter. We had more people rooting for us than we realized on my families side. But neither of us were able to anymore. I truly feel that you are free of me now that you've let go first. And I only wish the best for you, hate that we werent the best for one another, and hope that you would understand if I let go too.

I think its scary for me to write that. But its an inevitable fall. I think of someone else now when I say baby. I really found enjoyment in cooking again, something I had a hard time doing without you. And I can't go back.

And it feels weird to start falling in love again. The beginnings of it, how he makes me feel like I can really keep going. how I want to encourage him and be there for him as he goes through decision making through life atm. I felt helpless, asking him for help, but I know he has my back, and all I want to do is return the favor and be there for him. To be better with him, for myself and for him.

And just.... i get mad, but not the same kind of mad. I can calm myself down and not yell . I can cry it out and be patient. I think that you and I had too much trauma, acting out the way we were yelled at to each other as kids through our fights.

I was scared of being like your mom. I knew my depression was getting worse, fueled by my anxiety. I felt like I was becoming a worse version of myself and hated how I treated you. And when you messaged me on tumblr, pleading to reach out, I felt so fucking sad. I wish I could reach out to you, sometimes, and just tell you how much ive been struggling. How sucidal i feel, how scared I was over getting evicted. How it scares me to be so depressed, to feel like it doesnt matter if I'm here.

But i knew if I reached out everything would fall apart. No one would support me anymore. I wouldve accepted losing my apartment and let my job fall into jepoardy. And none of my friends or family would support me again.

And i know for certain I would not be here, with my cat, saved from eviction.

You wouldve hated my cat. I really do think that. You wouldve loved petting and playing with her, but you wouldve smoked in here with me , and hated how i would run home to take care of her instead of cuddle you and harley. I think harley would stress her out and scare her, and i probably wouldve been alone for her (or worse, not home if she was in labor).

I'm sorry, Zach. Its over. And you were right. I wish i wasn't a coward when i broke up with you that final time and did it in person. Your last words haunted me. You still loved me until the end. And I wish things were better. Maybe I wouldnt have been so hung up on you so msny times if we split in person.

Please.....I wish you get help and live a long, wonderful life, full of happiness. I hope you find love again and do better for her.

[misshorrorotaku]

Black neighborhoods are over-policed, black men are more likely to be convicted of a crime than white men and are similarly vulnerable to racial profiling, black people are more likely to live in poverty, one of the men trying to get into office and governor of Florida is banning books that talk about slavery. Gentrification primarily effects black neighborhoods. and this isnt even getting into the rampant colonialism at the core of capitalism and the commodification of black art and religion. Did you know they sell skin whiteners in the Philippines? some of the most popular porn categories fetishize black and asian people? Did you know that even in desperate situations, tourists are valued over locals in hawai'i? black drivers are more likely to get pulled over by police. The alt right is back in vogue and you somehow think that that has nothing to do with racism. i am sorry but just because it aint on the books doesnt mean that it magically doesnt exist. For every video of a black man beating up a white guy, theres 20 of a cop killing a black man or fuckin snuff film featuring a black woman being molested. funny you bring out south africa, apartheid was only abolished in the 90s. The last president we had sold himself on xenophobia

I dont like arguing with you or anyone for that matter. I just really think you have a naive view of the world

.... Hun, only two things you listed could even count as oppression. And even then, they aren't things white people don't face too.

Only the thing is: poor neighborhoods with primarily white people are also over-policed, most victims of police violence are again white people, there is no colonialism at the heart of capitalism (something tells me you're the type who conflates corporate greed with Capitalism), porn categories are not fucking oppression, gebtrifications effects all poor neighborhoods not just or even mainly black ones, the "commodification of black art" is not fucking oppression (black people commodify it themselves, what the fuck are you talking about?), the "skin whiteners" shit is not oppression either and is more due to the fact that rich people tend to be a bit paler regardless of race than any racist oppression of poc, the shit in Hawaii is not oppression either (it is wrong, yes, but you cannot claim as that as racist oppression of poc as it is not because of race but because of greed), black drivers are NOT more likely to get pulled over anymore that has not been true for decades, and I didn't say "beating up" I said murdering. And Hun, for every 20 videos of a black person being killed by cops or a black woman being molested, there are literal thousands of documented AND undocumented cases of white people facing the same and worse that don't get shown in media because why would they, white people dying doesn't get clicks, and no the fuck the alt right is not "back in vogue" they are rightfully viewed by the majority of the country as idiotic backwards-thinking mouth-breathers. Many even want to commit violence on them and you wanna claim the alt-right has ANY real fucking power in America? Seriously? They had to fight tooth and nail to even get the right to say no to making gay wedding cakes and you wanna claim they're "back in vogue"? Ridiculous.

And bitch WHAT, I am the one who has a fucking naive view of the world? Says the idiot who thinks they can't be racist to people with pale skin cuz sometimes a black person is killed by a cop even tho white people are killed way more, or because some person in non-white-majority country faces something fucked up that you somehow attribute to white people instead of their own governing body. Oh, And let's not forget you think apartheid not being illegal until the 90's somehow makes the genocides in South Africa not matter.

You, my friend, are a racist who only sees the world in black and white, but you seriously wanna claim I am the one who has a naive view of the world? I hate to say it, but even as an American myself I must say you have a very American-centric attitude. Like clearly you are among the privileged American populace to view shit like this. Our views on racism are so fucking eschewed it's ridiculous. Idiots like you just don't wanna admit you are not better than the race you hate.

[adhesivedildos]

I've, been doing better?

I briefly entered psychosis a month ago, just, under everything. Hallucinating at work, losing touch with who i am even am, being ostracized and threatened, i started idealizing religious esque themes of suffering i dont even know. but its okay. Friends have really fuckin helped me clear my head, telling me that im not crazy for feeling all of this, that everything has just been, a mess, and im allowed to just be alive. indi and mika notably, and im finally getting back into mutual aid, a community I've really missed and wanted to give myself to. I was so afraid I wouldnt be able to.

But I finally got back into therapy, back on E, I've been sober for weeks, (but i dont really feel that different, it was easy as just not drinking. hasnt really been an issue for a long time, just feel its time) I'm reading and journaling in my lil books everyday, taking shrooms, breaking into buildings with friend for photography and tagging, run sometimes, coming back into activism. Stargazing. My little things philosophy. Everyone at my job showed me overwhelming love when they found out i was leaving, im getting to see my friend for their birthday and it caught me really off guard and im excited for their gifts. ive rebuilt a healthy relationship with sex that i lost a long time ago, I did quite a while back but im only starting to let myself feel it now, (not that i usually even desire that frequently at all?) Im just being human again and im grateful.

I got, so immersed in hurt and confusion trying to bridge any line of communication and trying to understand what was happening to make people believe the things they were telling me i am, and what i was trying to do, it warped my reality for months. i couldnt let myself trust myself at all, every time something didnt add up or try to come up with an answer it was like voices screaming in my head telling me i was in denial, or shit like " oh so anybody except you must be crazy huh" and id just start from the beginning completely broken.

I've had a lot of massive revolutions of my understanding on life, about addiction down to all its microcosms of reward systems be it drugs or relationships or validation or cell phones. Spirituality, accountability, victim/abuser identities and the complexities of trauma, how to qualm and rewire those pathways that leave us helpless to ourselves. Most of all I just feel a deeper peace in understanding and letting go. empathy for myself, for everyone whos hurt me before. Were all going through the motions that come with being a collective of people at all, making the same mistakes and subsequent realizations that have been had before, will happen again, and getting closer to whatever "it" is.

I've been suspended in an extremely hard emotional state for a long time. I felt helpless and scared throughout my last two relationships, and it only got worse after it got better. I think im actually living again now.

[aromanticle]

on top of that i also have to admit that every single bad experience i've had this past year + few months with people were all really my fault

i literally cannot blame someone for not knowing they were making me uncomfortable and hurting me especially when i encouraged them so much

i had a very bad night yesterday at sagu's boyfriend's house and this night her other bf was here while i was putting on my makeup and he was like mostly joking around but instead of telling him to stop i was just. honestly straight up encouraging him to make me as uncomfortable as possible. not directly but i know he couldnt have possibly known i was feeling pretty awful. neither could the guy last night when i willingly went to his house and said "yes im staying the night" and gave zero signs that i actually wished i was anywhere but there, because deep inside that's not true and i wanted to make myself feel bad so much that instead of asking him to drive me home i stayed in his room sitting on the floor next to the outlet because i felt too uncomfortable and unsafe to sleep. if i actually didn't want to feel unsafe i wouldn't keep coming back to people who treat me badly and couldn't care less about me, i wouldnt have accepted marcus's proposal, i wouldnt keep making new meeff accounts and wandering away from my friends and trying so hard to make the shadiest looking guys in any given place notice me. no matter how you look at it im the only reason i keep having really bad experiences every other week.

except for this time, which i guess is what makes it so infinitely worse and scarier and more traumatizing and its why i have been cryiing in anger and disgust and shame and why the moment i walked into a safe place those memories were instantly blocked and repressed and maybe even entirely forgotten. ive been actively looking for awful things to happen to me and ive put so much effort into making myself as vulnerable and easy to hurt as possible to satisfy my own desires that i forgot how it feels to experience things i actually don't want as opposed to things that would be terrible in any other context except for this very specific one, where even though i feel awful, its the kind of awful that brings back a certain sense of comfort and possibly nostalgia.

this, somehow, makes the whole situation so much worse. to think that all this time i thought i was re-living my early childhood in a way that would help me get over it when in fact i was just suffering for no reason and now that i got to experience what it really was like back then i realize it is as absolutely devastating and horrifying as i thought. i should have known because it hasnt even been that long. in fact, sometimes i randomly feel really bad and immediately know why. i should have known my silly little attempts at making myself the victim of several different things do not feel the same as actually having something really bad happen for real. i guess i just thought i was over it and it didnt hurt me anymore but i only felt that way because i was intentionally putting myself through it. in conclusion im so stupid i regret everything i dont want to ever leave my house again im in pain i want to sleep i want to go back in time i want to have never been born but i also know none of this will stop me from going right back into doing everything i just said i regret

[one-abuse-survivor]

Hi i really dont know how to feel about my mom. Shes kinda abusive ig i mean she has hit me before and shes verbally abused me more times than i can count, but shes less worse than dad so i think i just have a soft spot for her and its like its killing me lmao. she just lost her mum, and she has to do it all alone. the whole planning, and dealing with the ashes and bills and so so so many phone calls. shes very stressed out atm, and as ive started work lately, i feel like we've become sm closer and idk i wish i could fully forget all the bad shes done to me so i can just relax when its good. she snapped at me last night twice, calling me horrible things and threatening to punch me and stuff, and ik shes so stressed out but it still hurts inside and idk how to feel about it all. im autistic and i see things pretty black and white, and shes a grey colour and its just difficult for me to process it all and form an opinion cos shes 'supposed' to be one or the other, not both. (ik this is a false thing dw haha ik people cant fully be bad and fully be good lol) she vented to me before work today telling me how bad dads treating her, like he only cares about himself and isnt helping her with her grief at all. he just sits in the living room all day ranting to her about transgender people and black people and politics and she hates it. (hes every -phobe and -ist you can think of lmao) i just dk how to help or how to feel or just anything lol. im having a hard time atm myself and its just so stressful to have to always be the grown up around my parents. i have to always stay calm, i have to be the mediator, i have to calm them and comfort them and offer them solutions for their problems, i have to be their parent and its exhausting. ik theyre both orphans rn but i feel its unfair to use your own kids as your 'new parents' lol. its always been like this but its just more so now than before. i just cant cut myself off from my mum as shes in charge of everything in the house, and shes my mum, yk? shes had the short end of the stick her whole life and i just want to hug her and protect her but she hurts me a lot and im just torn between wanting her away from me for the rest of my life and wanting to be as close to her as i can, for her sake. idk if it makes much sense lol but i hope youre doing well and thank you for all the time an effort you put into answering the asks 💕

Hi, nonnie! Sorry I took so long to reply. Everything you shared here makes perfect sense. It's always hard for abuse victims to come to terms with the fact their abusive parents aren't all black or white but grey, and I can only imagine how much harder that is to deal with when you're autistic. I'm really glad you understand she can be grey, even if it's hard to come to terms with. That's already a really big step you've taken, and I hope you're proud of that!

It really sounds like your parents have parentified you—that is, they've forced you to take on the parent role in the house, emotionally. When this happens, it's not uncommon to feel the way you express at the end of your ask: like even though they've hurt you, you want to take care and protect them for their sake. And I'm really sorry you're going through this, nonnie. It's a horrible way to feel, and I can really relate, because I felt that way with my mother as well.

I don't know if this will help to hear, but through recovery, I've found that the longer you stay away from that parent, the easier it becomes to not feel so worried about them, responsible for them, or guilty for leaving them. The guilt was especially crushing for me years ago, and now it's completely non-existent except on special occasions (mainly when I have to see her again for any reason).

And I know you probably already know this, at least deep down, but nonnie, your mom is abusive. Your dad being even worse than her doesn't change that fact. The fact that your mom has had it really hard in life might explain her abusive behaviours, but it doesn't justify them. They're both abusive in different ways, and you deserve so much better than the way both of them have been treating you.

Sending a big, big hug and all my support your way ❤️

[lurking96]

Chapter 319 or why Bakugou might not be healthy for Izuku

This here might be a bit on the anti Bakugou side. I tagged it as such so you can filter those out and put it under a read more if you dont want to read it.

So. In the last day I did read a few opinions on the chapter leaks. What some think will happen and so on. Some from Pros some from Antis. This again is an opinion. It is not absolute. I do not claim it to be the absolute truth. This is just my personal interpretation. What I think that will happen is that Class 1A lead by Bakugou will fight Midoriya to try to bring him back. I don’t think talking to him will happen with Bakugou there. As one of Bakugous coping mechanisms is fighting. However with that come problems. I can understand the reasoning behind fighting him. A little talk will most likely not make him come back. However it might ease things. Might make him a tiny bit calmer. Might not make things worse. Fighting however will make things worse. Izuku is already on edge. He is already filled with paranoia. He hasn’t slept or eaten well. He might do rash decisions. He is not in a healthy mental state. And here we have it. His friends, his supposed allies are fighting him. The people he wants to protect went out and attack him. Out in their costumes. Ready for battle. A kinda scary scene overall. You dont see their faces. You feel anger coming from them.

It might bring some memories back to Izuku if you compare it with another picture.

Just like the picture before Bakugou is kinda in the foreground.He is leading just like back then he was leading his so called “extras” This might bring back memories to Izuku. Again he is sleep deprived. His mind might not work the sharpest. For all he knows it´s like back in his other schools where Bakugou lead his group of “extras” to attack Izuku. He might fight back stronger than intended. He might just try to flee even more. Overall it is not very helpful to him. Because a part of the reason for Izukus mental health is Bakugou. Not in a kind of friendship way but more as a cause. Bakugou to put it simply had been Izukus main bully. They were never apart. From preschool to UA. They were in the same class. With team exercises they were together. Izuku never had a break from him. He was never allowed to have time without him. From early on Bakugou has called him useless, worthless, what does one think the name Deku means. Has been using his quirk on him without the teachers caring. Before people say that is long ago. It is not. Right now they are in their second year. How did their first year start. Bakugou trying to attack Midoriya. Trying to kill him. Insulting him where he goes. It is not long ago. And even if it was like 300 or so chapters ago. That still happened. That is still the characters backstory. Honestly you are fine to like a character. But one should recognize that a character has flaws. No character is perfect. Saying that you like a character and saying that they are an asshole that needs to change can coexist. I like Overhauls aesthetic and quirk. Am I okay with what he did. Nope. Would I want him set on fire. Yes. Simple as that. Now back to it. In chapter 319 we hear Bakugou say that Izukus self sacrificial nature is caused by All Might. This. I do not agree with. Again. Who has called him worthless, a pebble on the road, useless, a deku for years. It was not All Might. Izuku has incredible low self worth. If it means saving a cat from a tree he would break his legs. He doesnt care for himself. He sees himself as worthless and only as somewhat useful when he is saving people. It got drilled into him from a young age. This is not something simple that is left behind after a few days. It can take years. And so far he has nothing contrary to those ideas. There are three people that know of his former quirklessness. His mom. Who is kinda supposed to love him. All Might who never really went back on the quirkless hero thing and Bakugou who still insults him for it. Everyone else only knows him with his quirk. Only knows him with being useful. Just because he has a quirk now doesnt mean that quirkless Izuku has ever left his mind. Yes All Might is not perfect. He has flaws. Those flaws are shown and others call him out. Could he have done more. Yes. Could he have helped him mentally. To a degree. But again. All Might is flawed. He is not perfect. All Might is shown to lack social skills. Seeing Bakugou just as rival or Endeavor who has open hate for him as friends. He never had a normal relationship. And again he was not the cause for Izukus psyche. He didnt lay the groundwork. With Bakugou blaming it on All Might. The guy that is not there and can’t protect himself he is doing something one could call damage control. He is not telling the entire truth. For the truth would hinder his dream of becoming number one and reduce his social standing. Him telling others that he is even partly responsible would surely open more questions later he would want to avoid. He also calls Midoriya crazy which is a tactic used to discredit a victim. Same for him making things up and overexaggerating and so on. He did do damage control before. A bit ago he told All Might that he was bullying Izuku in the past. You would think It´s something positive. But here is the thing. He lacked details. He didnt tell him much. For all we know All Might assumed some rough housing and name calling. Nothing that bad. It is to soften the blow. So if Izuku tells him later All Might is already in the mindset that it wasn’t so bad. Bakugou seems not that he would lie and my successor must be overexaggerating a bit. Bakugou is not that dumb. He knows his way around words. He knows when to not openly attack and wait for a better chance. A fool would have kept attacking Izuku after Aizawa held him back. He was just waiting for the training with All Might. He knows what buttons to push to get information out of Izuku. He basically forced the OFA secret out of him. One could call this a good use of crocodile tears if they so want. If they dislike him that much. Again an opinion of many. As of Chapter 319. He might have good intentions. He might want something good for Izuku. But the road to hell is paved with good intentions. Good intentions are not an excuse. Just because Bakugou thinks it is the best doesn’t mean it will be automatically the best. Just because the dog wants the chocolate bar doesnt mean it will be healthy for anyone involved. Bakugou being there might be quite detrimental to Izukus health. He might just open up wounds again. Izuku fighting class 1A would probably not increase his trust. And what are they going to do if they win. Tie him up, drug him, force him back. He will just try to escape. His trust in them will be broken. He might allow some sleep but it will never be the same. He already had trust issues before this will just expand them further. Isolate him further. This is what AFO wants. To have the heroes fighting with eachother. To have the OFA holder isolated and even branded as Villain for fighting as hero class. 1A winning is also a big IF. Shigaraki fought Gigantomachia and the MLA sleep deprived and incredible tired and won. Shigaraki and Izuku are foils. Two sides of the same coin. Izuku had a year to analyse their quirks. He has a bunch of quirks for himself and OFA mastered far more than anytime before he trained with them. He has become a natural disaster in human form. It wouldn’t be a surprise if he defeats them and leaves. To me the good option would be trying to talk to him. Not let Bakugou do the talking. He lacks the fine control. Get him in the direction of rest. Sadly none of them are trained professionals to deal with mental health. They are children that just fought in a war and also got traumatised. So I dont have great hope on them taking the talking route. Overall I think this will be a breaking point. They will fight. Izuku will most likely win and his trust will be broken even more. He will be even more isolated. His personality might take a darker turn seeing as there is no one he can trust. It might just get even darker than before.

[shewhotellsstories]

i really dont wanna annoy you but you post about racism in fandom sometimes so i thought you'd be the right person to ask. i hope this doesnt come off as expecting u to be my teacher. yesterday someone said they didnt trust white zk shippers and i thought it was mean but then people started sending the them all these nasty messages and i started to worry maybe op was right. honestly a lot of this stuff is pretty new for me. i think our fandom is inclusive & unlike the rest of the atla fandom we actually like katara. but i'm trying to learn.

why would it be a problem that a lot of zk fics have katara looking after zuko? i always just felt like he needed it more bc he was abused and kataras better at dealing with feelings and she's good at taking care of people. is fire lady katara still ok? is there racism in our fandom? there are a lot of woc zks and i've seen them get hate for it. but the messages op got were pretty bad too. i know i'm asking a lot of questions i just hate the thinking that we might be as bad as the z*kka stans have been saying all year.

This is gonna get long so I’m just gonna jump right in. When I listened to fansplaining’s episode on fandom racism one of the guests said white fans who can acknowledge that fandom racism exists tend to frame it as “just a few bad apples” and get caught up in worrying about not looking like a “bad apple” instead of making fandoms spaces that aren’t hostile for BIPOC. Jag offs hiding behind anon to tell women of color who ship zutara that we have a creepy fetish for imperialism and colonialism suck, but your biggest concern really shouldn’t be the optics or if you can claim superiority over zukka stans.

Yeah the “katara’s a homophobe” nonsense didn’t come from our end of the fandom, but it feels naive at best or dishonest at worst to act like the zutara fandom is uniquely immune to fandom racism. A creator I follow made the excellent point that allyship conditional upon if a poc talks "nicely" about racism is still white supremacy. I believe poc need to be allowed to vent and be salty or angry without being tone-policed. I definitely have my days where I’m like “ugh white people,” or "why must white fans be like this," so I get where the OP was coming from. Ironically the folks that sent them anon hate proved their point. You can always count on hit dogs to hollar.

Fandom is only escapist for some people. It doesn’t exist in a vacuum so you’ll find racism in fandom because there’s racism in the world. Navigating that gets exhausting. There are certain things I enjoy, but for the sake of my sanity I'll only talk about it with friends in real life or only follow fans of color. Before I follow white fans I need to see first that they’re not the kind of person who inspires posts about fandom racism. A good friend of mine loves Star Wars, Kpop, and gaming but after years of attempts at calling in she decided that she’d only interact with woc in those spaces. Again, you get tired.

ATLA wasn’t on my radar until last year so I definitely haven’t read every zutara fic out there but I have noticed a lot of fics do tend to have Katara being the one comforting and supporting Zuko. It’s not inherently wrong of course, it’s just in the grand scheme of things in fiction woc are often cast as eternal caretakers and confidants in fiction:

“How characters of color are portrayed in fanworks, especially fanfiction, is worse than the actual films. They are portrayed as supportive, almost invisible understudies. Any characteristics which they possess in the [MCU] films are stripped and given to other white characters. It is not only erasure. It’s a theft of identity.

Characters of color are positioned within storylines to support the main, white characters. Even within the slash biracial pairings, the character of color is underdeveloped and in a position of servitude within the relationship.”

TheNavyLanguage, Fansplaining

As the quote above points out this honestly happens in a lot of fandoms. I’ve read fanfic for books, movies, tv shows, and comics and I can’t help but notice that in fics the writers often have the non-white character or-- if neither character is white--the darker skinned character being the care-taker, the bodyguard, or the person who is performing all the emotional labor. It’s not inherently wrong to have a character of color have a nurturing personality, you just have to remember that since Black and brown folks have been saddled with narrative after narrative where we exist to serve leaning into dynamics where the non-white or darker skinned character is providing all the emotional support and getting very little in return has some unfortunate implications.

It’s not better if instead of being defined as the avatar’s girl, Katara’s the fire lord’s girl. Part of the appeal of zutara for me is the idea that Katara could lay down some of her burdens and get some much needed support. I always imagine she’d have some major issues after the war.

"i always just felt like he needed it more bc he was abused and kataras better at dealing with feelings and she's good at taking care of people."

I’m going to push back against that statement. Yes, Katara didn't grow up in an abusive household but she has pain and trauma of her own. In fact I’d argue that her believing it’s her job to take care of everyone is rooted in her trauma. Katara needs support and care just as much as anyone else does.

Having read a lot of fics revolving around abuse victims in different fandoms I’ve observed that if fans feel a character’s trauma wasn’t properly addressed in canon, they’ll give them a lot of TLC in fics. But again, reducing the non-white or darker-skinned character to a glorified therapist has some implications.

I feel like the Fire Lady Katara headcanon's been talked to death so long-story short, it’s not inherently racist but it can problematic if it's not clear that Katara is Katara of the Water Tribe wherever she lives. Fics and art where her crown has a crescent moon, she wears blue, or Zuko wears blue when she's in red are the executions I'm fondest of.

When in doubt just listen when poc talk about uncomfortable trends in the fandom. Give fansplaining’s episodes on fandom racism a listen here, here, and here. And very loosely quoting my favorite professor just remember that if a marginalized person says they’re distrustful of a group of people or institution it usually happens after a lot of bad experiences. Don’t center your own comfort and hurt feelings.

“If we truly believe in fandom’s progressive credentials, then perhaps it is necessary for us to listen to critiques that make us uncomfortable rather than those that keep arguing that the status quo is perfectly acceptable—even as there is plenty of evidence to the contrary. Perhaps then we will be able to come at these, yes, these very complex and nuanced discussions with the type of openness and good faith that is required for them to succeed, rather than approaching them with hostility.”

-Rukmini Pande, Fansplaining

[nerd-at-sea5]

isn’t this all enough? pt2 (find pt1 here)

the gang’s all together, nancy and dustin are still friends, and robin wants to go back home. they know what they’ll see, but they don’t want to believe it. steve tells nancy a little bit about robin. there's comfort and it ends on a somewhat happy note.

they/them robin and max, he/they/it eddie, canon everyone else

cw-blood, guns, death, suicide, bad coping skills, sh, smoking

nancy’s pov this time (she refers to the zombies as ‘infected’ dont as me why i thought it would be a nancy thing to do also i’m not the best at writing trauma from nancy’s pov but i tried??) i used google translate for the italian, french and spanish. (i’m still learning spanish lmfao)

the edge that she’s been standing on seems to elongate slightly when she finally steps into steve’s house.

nancy thinks, at first-it’s because she doesn't have to worry about her infected parents below their feet. not even her parents anymore, she’s guessed that the disease infects the brain, killing and slowly driving it’s victim mad. the colorless and pealing skin, red eyes, loss of hair-all side affects of it. for what feels like the hundredth time since she’s stepped out of her childhood home for possibly the last time, nancy sinks her teeth into the soft flesh of her cheek, without a change in face at the pain.

holly’s curled up in her lap, her breathe is warm on nancy’s legs, the sleeve of her princess shirt was pushed up and nancy can see the new scar slicing from shoulder to just above the blonde’s elbow.

she remembers the scream of pain, the running into the kitchen, only to see her mother, pale and sickly looking, holly’s arm bleeding with a blood soaked knife on the floor, dropped from karen’s hand. she remembers grabbing her sister and shoving a wooden spoon into her mother’s face, the shouting question of ‘are you sick?’ echoing through the room before her mother nods. she remembers it getting worse and worse, her dad swiping at her, drawing blood and nancy realizing she has to do something. nancy remembers the week spent in her bedroom with holly, praying to make sure that neither of them were sick-desperately trying not to listen to the screams from the basement. god seemed to have answered her calls,  but nancy doesn't know if she really believes that god exists anymore.

robin slides onto the couch cushion next to her, and nancy lets her head fall onto robin’s chest without a second thought, the taller instantly wrapping their arms around her, nancy can feel their lips pressing onto the top of her head, then leaning over to do the same to holly.

“stealing my sister, buckley?” 

“she’s a cute kid.” 

robin’s lopsided smile and shoulders shrugging up with it makes nancy unable to bite back her grin. 

when steve comes back into the living room, nancy’s half asleep on robin and barley registers what he’s saying until he bends down to pick up a sleeping holly, she jerks awake and pulls her sister back.

“hey, hey-just was letting you know we’ve got a room for you and robin. holly can stay with max-they’ve already offered. you cool with that, nance?”

“oh. um, yeah-thank you. max, thanks.”

the redhead shrugs, but nancy doesn't miss the smile when holly sleepily wraps her arms around max’s neck when the teen picks her up. the memory of max on her roof one night, passing a cigarette back and forth with robin while nancy chastises them, ‘i wish i had a little sister.’ ‘want to share mine? i think she loves you more than me at this point! robin, babe-put it out.’

she feels hope tugging at her chest again, robin leading her upstairs with a grin, if nancy lets her vision slip enough, then she’s walking up her own stairs, and falling onto her own bed, robin’s sliding an arm around her pink pillow’s and tugging it under their head.

but it’s not, and it’s the silent tears while the taller of the two holds them tightly under the covers, chest to chest, legs pressed together-shaking. soft whispers fading into the night, and slowly, slowly falling into sleep.

the morning is a blur, holly waking them up by jumping on nancy at seven am, a sleepy max still in steve’s oversized ‘queen’ shirt with messy hair apologizing, robin teasing max for not being a morning person while max flips them off, all three knowing robin’s the same way. nancy making her way downstairs, greeted by eddie standing on the counter with a roll of paper towels, the yell of ‘spider!’ and horrible aim while steve stomps on it and chastises his boyfriend for being afraid of something so small, but nancy can see the love.

it used to make her heart hurt, seeing how steve looked at girls with the way he used to look at her-seeing how he looked at robin for a period of time, back in creel house-but then she’s in her car behind the movie theater, kissing robin for the first time and it’s like a puzzle when all the pieces are falling into place.

dusin jolts her out of her mind when he asks for the plan, and steve cracks a glass when robin calmly states, “i wanna go check out my house.”

eddie, max and dustin all look normal at this comment, holly to busy eating her pancake (and nancy’s) to realize what’s going on, but steve is staring at his friend like they just slapped him across the face.

curiosity bubbles up, and nancy has to ask, “that sounds normal enough, what’s wrong steve?”

he glances at robin once more, “well. they...their dead, rob. and it was kinda...erm. brutal, don’t you think?”

the brunette shrugs stiffly, and nancy slides a hand into theirs, watching the muscles in robin’s arm relax, “steve. please. i didn’t get to say goodbye.”

“i think robin should be able to, what’s the worst that can happen. i can go with them.”

“no, nancy-”

before robin can finish their sentence, steve’s dragging nancy into the hall and she’s glaring at him with the now familiar heat of anger boiling up in her chest, “what the hell?”

“nancy. robin’s parents-” he looks around franticly, “they shot themself, nancy. made them climb outta a window and bike here. they heard the shots. haven't been back since. i don’t think they’ve even fully processed it-we don’t, fuck.”

nancy’s anger fades, watching steve push his hands through his hair, seeming debating telling her the next bit of information or not, “what do you mean, ‘fully processed’? have they started or...?”

the question hangs heavy in the air, the journalist in nancy roaring up for a response, “i didn’t let them finish, they’ve....tried. theirs a reason robin’s the only one who’s not allowed to have a weapon in the same room as them when they sleep.”

nancy can’t stop herself from sliding down the wall in shock-steve says it with the knowledge that robin’s attempted to process their parents death by following more than once, and for the first time she wonders if the cut on steve’s upper arm was from an infected or a friend.

her brain doesn't stop tripping over itself, questions and idea’s popping up every single millisecond until she’s starting her car with robin in the passenger’s seat and robin asks how much steve told her.

“what? sorry i kind of-”

“your good. how much did steve tell you? i know he did a bit.”

maybe it has something to due with how holly screamed when she saw nancy leaving and it took dustin and nancy almost 10 minutes to calm her down, or how robin won’t make eye contact with her, but nancy grabs their hand before speaking, “he said that your parents killed themselves. they made you bike here, that you didn’t get to say goodbye and...and..” 

it’s like nancy’s throat is closing up, the words can’t get out and it’s making her feel trapped, unsafe-“that i was going to try and kill myself?”

robin’s voice is deathly quiet, and nancy feels their hand tense in hers, “yes.”

they nod, and nancy sucks in her breathe, holding it for a moment, eyes glued to the road, “why?”

“my family was gone-i had steve and max but...parents, grandparents-you. all gone. i didn’t have anything to hope for, i’ve never been good without my mom. i can’t...i can’t function without talking to her, it hurt so fucking much nance. steve..he found me sitting in the bathroom with a knife on the floor in front of me and then a week later max saw me with eddie’s uncle’s gun in my hands. both ended with crying conversations with steve, and now he���s been to worried to let me sleep alone. so i’m in the living room with dustin and no weapons for me, unless it’s a mission.”

nancy wants to lunge across the car to wrap robin in a hug, to reassure them that there is hope, that it’s going to work out.

but she can’t, so she decides to settle for gripping their hand a bit tighter, pulling them close for a moment when they step out of the car, before watching robin pull themself onto their roof, and into their bedroom, “just like yours.”

nancy has to laugh as she falls in, “why did you want to come back?”

robin sighs, slowly walking around their room, pulling down a poster, selecting a book, dropping a tape into their bag, “i wanted to...i dunno. get closer on it? say goodbye, i think.”

nancy nods, and robin sits next to her, with a voice as low as a whisper, “i never got to tell them about you. i’m so sorry.”

and nancy’s pulling them into a hug, her back against the door just like it was when she sat with her back against the basement, the day when the screams turned to desperate begging, when she finally said it, “i’m in love with robin buckley.” and the begging went back to low howls. she spent the day crying, holly confused and just as sad.

“i wish i could change time. i’d do anything to fix all this.”

but they both know she can’t, no matter how many times they dry each others tears, or kiss wounds.

robin has to slam a shoulder into their parents bedroom to open it, and nancy can’t help but recoil at the smell of decaying human.

she can’t look down, studying robin’s face as they break, the way their eyebrows fall with their mouth, the way tears form after their nose gets red, the way the tears trace between robin’s freckles. gripping the doorframe while words in other languages spiral out of their mouth, “perché non mi hai lasciato andare? j'ai l'impression d'être si seul..”

nancy can’t help but wrap her arms around robin’s waist, they fall, and she doesn't have enough strength to keep them up, she falls with them, and they stay there, she refuses to let go of robin and robin can’t move.

it’s almost an hour before their shaking subsides, nancy’s become numb to the smell at this point, watches robin pull a jacket from their father’s closet and hug it around themself, “te veré d”e nuevo, lo prometo.

the car ride back is silent, nancy doesn't let her hand leave robin’s until their inside the harrington’s and she’s pulling robin back into her arms, not caring if she’s four inches shorter, she feels a body hit her legs, holly’s small arms wrapping around both nancy and robin’s.

steve’s chest is pressed to robin’s back, arms on nancy’s shoulders, max and dustin are on either side of them all and eddie’s hand is on their hands.

they don’t talk until their sitting on top of the bathroom counter with nancy standing in front of them, looking up at robin.

“how did you live with them below you?”

she looks down, “i couldn’t kill them. not with holly there, i thought...i thought i was protecting her, it was just more danger.”

robin nods, and surges forward, nancy’s expecting them to hug her, but doesn't pull away when she’s pulled into a bruising kiss.

“i-i’m sorry. i’m so sorry.”

“robin. look at me.”

they do, eyes wet and glassy, nancy let’s her hand drop from robin’s shoulders to their arms, small white scars splattered across them.

“what do you need to do to stay safe?”

‘what do you need me to do to keep you safe?’

it might be the same question, and deep down nancy know it’s not how you should deal with emotions, but her girlfriends voice is shaking so badly-a painful mix of sadness, anger and desperation, that when they ask, “kiss me?” nancy obliges, pressing her lips to robin’s and pulling them down from the counter.

they fall back onto the bed, and nancy pulls away, gently kissing robin’s cheeks, their forehead, every part of their face before gently bringing their foreheads together, “we’ve made it this far, and i’m not giving up on you yet, ok robs?”

robin’s answer is smothered in a hug, pulling nancy on top of them and wrapping their arms around her back, “ok.”

[vincememes]

banana fish starters

WARNINGS: IMPLIED SA, VIOLENCE MENT, DRUGS MENT spoiler warning .    to make it less long, the rest is under a cut.

feel free to adjust pronouns / names as needed !

ASH LYNX

❛   even if i did know something, what good would it do?  ❜  

❛   even a stupid street punk like me knows that  ❜  

❛   i envy you … being able to jump like that.  ❜  

❛   what could be more relaxing than three days away from these guys?  ❜  

❛   i wish i could hate you. i need someone to hate.  ❜  

❛   someone is dead. not that you’d give a damn one way or the other.  ❜  

❛   treating him like you’re giving the pope a bath isn’t going to help.  ❜  

❛   aren’t there any decent parents in this world?  ❜  

❛   that guy always regarded me as a human being with a real heart, not some sort of tool.  ❜  

❛   this little act of charity, you’re going to regret this.  ❜  

❛   i tried to forget.  ❜  

❛   stay with me... i won’t ask "forever". just for now.  ❜  

❛   well, i already know you’re a sick man.  ❜  

❛   ready to lose your life over a pizza?  ❜  

❛   my name... has become the signal for a massacre.  ❜  

❛   what on earth... have i become?  ❜  

❛   what do you think i am...? i’m a murderer... okay?  ❜  

❛   i told you before. i kill people.  ❜

❛   they paid the price for their decisions— that’s all.  ❜  

❛   what the hell do you know?!  ❜  

❛   let‘s say i am ‘exceptional’. the problem is, i never, ever, my whole life wanted to be.  ❜  

❛   you said i am not like ordinary people.  ❜  

❛   there’ve been countless times in my life when i thought i’d be better off dead.  ❜  

❛   that nothing could be worse than what was happening to me right then.  ❜  

❛   at times like that...death looks sweet and peaceful, and unbearably enticing.  ❜  

❛   war is always good business for those in power.  ❜  

❛   sorry to destroy your youthful innocence.  ❜  

❛   you have any idea what those guys made us do?  ❜  

❛   don’t tell me you still believe the pen is mightier than the sword.  ❜  

❛   if you ask me, the white house can go screw itself.  ❜  

❛   i wonder if i’m dying somewhere.  ❜  

❛   i wasn’t expecting the law to protect me.  ❜  

❛   i’ve ignored it all my life... i sure as hell don’t plan on hiding behind it now.  ❜  

❛   just keep them away from me— please!  ❜

❛   this town’s my backyard, remember?  ❜  

❛   sunrise and sunset are about the only times this junkyard of a city looks good.  ❜  

❛   even if i said no, you wouldn’t go back anyway.  ❜  

❛   if you went home i’d probably worry if something happened to you.  ❜  

❛   so it’s better you’re right here, where i can keep an eye on you  ❜  

❛   some people never change.  ❜  

❛   vulture got together with the viper. you make a great pair.  ❜  

❛   why now after all this time— does it have to be you, of all people...?  ❜  

❛   i don’t stand a chance. i’m dust against him.  ❜  

❛   over my dead body. if anybody hurts you... it’ll be over my dead body—  ❜  

❛   i don’t care who it is. i am not letting anybody hurt you.  ❜  

❛   do i scare you?  ❜  

❛   dont give me your stupid advice.  ❜  

❛   i’m happy, goddammit!    ❜  

❛   i know there’s at least one person in this world who cares about me. who doesn’t want anything from me.  ❜  

❛   do you have any idea what that’s like? i never did... not once in my entire life—until now.  ❜  

❛   and that’s worth more to me than anything else.  ❜  

❛   go back home! don’t look at me!  ❜  

❛   i don’t want you seeing me like this!  ❜  

❛   my hands are dirty with other people's blood.  ❜  

❛   i don't even know how many people i've killed.  ❜  

❛   i'm bad news.  ❜  

❛   i wish i could’ve been like you.  ❜  

❛   it’s just that… i always picture the worst-case scenario, that’s all.  ❜  

❛   guess it’s because i’m a coward.  ❜  

❛   i just can’t relax. it’s turned into a habit.  ❜  

❛   i was so scared i couldn’t speak, i couldn’t cry, and i screamed in my head, but... nothing came out.   ❜

EIJI OKUMURA

❛   if i ever lose you too... i'll go crazy.  ❜  

❛   come back safely. i'll be waiting for you, forever.  ❜  

❛   if you feel responsible, the same goes for me.  ❜  

❛  my words might not mean anything now, but just remember one thing.  ❜  

❛   even if the world turns on you, i'll always be on your side.  ❜  

❛   humans can change their destiny.  ❜  

❛   if i'm going to die anyways, at least i'll die trying!  ❜  

❛   don't apologize. that's something for people like me to do.  ❜  

❛   i'd do anything for you.  ❜  

❛   i know we'll meet again, no matter how far apart we are.  ❜  

❛   you're the greatest friend i'll ever have.  ❜  

❛   you're not alone. i'm by your side. my soul is always with you.  ❜  

❛   you asked me over and over if you scared me. but i never feared you. not once.  ❜  

❛   i'm really glad i came here.  ❜  

❛   i met lots of people. and more than anything, i met you.  ❜  

❛   that’s when i decided. i would always believe in you, no matter what.  ❜  

❛   no matter what happened, he would always have at least one person...  ❜

❛   i am very worried because i haven’t seen you and i don’t know if you are okay.  ❜  

❛   but so what? we are friends. isn’t that enough? what else do we need?  ❜  

❛   actually, i always felt that you are hurt, much more than me - that your spirit is wounded.  ❜  

❛   i know you are much smarter than me, and bigger, and stronger - but even so.. i always wanted to protect you.  ❜  

❛   but what did i want to protect you from?  ❜  

❛    i think i wanted to protect you from your future.  ❜  

❛   because your fate was sweeping you away, like a flood.  ❜  

❛   but i’m not saying “goodbye” to you... because this isn’t goodbye.  ❜

❛   are you going off on your own again?  ❜

❛   somewhere far away.. without a word?  ❜

❛   i want to see you. i wish i was with you right now.  ❜ 

YUT-LUNG

❛   a bloody history is inevitable when you are the one ruling.  ❜  

❛   what's wrong? you hated him, right? guess what? so do i.  ❜  

❛   no need to glare. i won't eat you up.  ❜  

❛   there's nothing you can do to help.  ❜  

❛   and what can you do to help?  ❜  

❛   you really irritate me.  ❜  

❛   you make people want to protect you or make them want to tear you apart and crush you.  ❜  

❛   so, what to do with you now.  ❜  

❛   i heard you tried to escape again. you have some spunk.  ❜  

❛   we have hired him, his target is your friend.  ❜  

❛   i have other things for you to do for me.  ❜  

❛   we still have two more scorpions.  ❜  

❛   i am a monster, too.  ❜  

❛   i'm not hearing any good news.  ❜  

❛   you become all tame when you’re around them.  ❜  

❛   you’ve degraded from a lone lynx to a content pet cat.  ❜  

❛   depending on your answer, i may not forgive you.  ❜

OTHER CHARACTERS (shorter, max, sing, shunichi, etc.)

❛   his face when he laughed was cute, and childlike, and totally angelic.  ❜  

❛   it's my problem too! if you go alone, you'll just be killed.  ❜  

❛   you'll die for nothing!  ❜  

❛   i won't let you go alone.  ❜  

❛   i'm sorry, but believe me when i say this: i'll die before i let them lay a finger on you.  ❜  

❛   i can't anymore. set me free. i'm in so much pain.  ❜

 ❛   we need to stay apart so at least one of us survives  ❜   

❛   if the former boss gets hit then it's the duty of the new boss to make the drop.  ❜   

❛   if we don't fight back now, we'll forever be expendable tools. ❜  

❛   you asked me to look after them.  ❜  

❛   yes, honey.    ❜  

❛   that’s for you to decide for yourself..  ❜  

❛   what’s wrong? you can’t punch me from that far back.  ❜  

❛   this will be the last time i give you a word of advice.  ❜  

❛   time is an ironic thing. for us, it means to age. but for people like him, it means to grow.  ❜  

❛   i love all women. they're beautiful and strong. like life itself.  ❜  

❛   it would only be making another one of us. ❜  

❛   one more wretched being, unloved and unloving, whose only sustenance is hatred and nihilism.  ❜  

❛   don’t fight your memories, cuz you’re never going to win.  ❜  

❛   i guess home isn’t something you want to remember if you ran away from it.  ❜  

❛   in one second i knew he could read everything on my mind.  ❜  

❛   i wondered when this boy had started to watch out for his soul, then i knew how much he had suffered.  ❜  

❛   you are the most beautiful and the most dangerous, of all the beasts i have ever known.  ❜  

❛   rather than hate and be triumphant, you chose to love and be destroyed.  ❜  

❛   i staked my life on that choice. please try to accept it.  ❜  

❛   one who does not love cannot be loved, either.  ❜  

❛   you at the very least knows what it is to love.  ❜  

❛   how can you expect someone who suffered so much to have any respect for authority? ❜  

❛   fine line between offender and victim it’s hard to know where to draw it.  ❜  

❛   there’s something about you that i just can’t hate.  ❜  

❛   'cause you’re hurt your soul’s bleeding-even now.  ❜  

❛   you’re just like me that way.  ❜

[low-budget-korra]

Lets talk about Korra (again)

i already made this analysis, and it was well received but i dont know, i wanna do it again. Why not right? My english is better now than was when i made that analysis so i think  this one will be better written

What a way to introduce a protagonist. This line and this scene tell us everything we need to know about Korra at that time and everything she knew about herself.

In book one Korra is a 17′s old teenager who have no idea how the world, how life is outside the training center she grew up in and had been locked up since ever. So she is not only naive but have lack of social skills

Oh, and not everyone who lack’s social skills will act like Zuko and Azula okay? Korra can be confident, expressive and outgoing and still have problems when it comes to social skills.One thing dont exclude the other.

“I’m the Avatar and you gotta deal with it” did you guys notice that only for that line we can see the entire opposite on how she treat her role as avatar in comparisson with Aang? And im not here to judge because is two very different contexts.

As far as we know, Korra grew up without friends or romantic partners. Of course, she had her training partners but i believe that they are just that. 

So her entarely perception of herself was around her duty as Avatar, she didnt have personal life, she barely was Korra...She was The avatar and thats that.

So she came to Republic City, it was a mess. 

Its funny to see that she have no touch when it comes to simply talk to people, i guess when you grew up away from society, this happens. And yes, she is cocky and had to learn that people arent there to somewhat please her, and she learned that quicky. 

Thats why the Pro Bending was important for her character, not only for training but also as means of socilization.

Now lets talk about the villains: Amon and Tarrlok

The two of them represents two differents threats to Korra. Amon represents a threat to her duty as Avatar while Tarrlok represents a threat to Korra as a person.

In episode 4 we have what i still thinks is the darker episode from TLOK. In this episode Amon ambushes Korra in the final moments... Even knowing that they did their best to make Amon’s power and control be non-sexualized as possible still...He have her down on her knews, totally helpless and he even invades Korra’s personal space by touching in her face forcing her to look at him. He didn't have to sexually touch her to violate her.

And right after, the fear in Tenzin voice when asking what happened after seeing her laying in the ground like that, and how Korra is sobing in his arms teeling him how powerless and helpless she felt. I mean...Oh, and she keeps terryfied by him until he takes her bending.

Tarrlok in the  other hand doesnt do much different from his brother and started to harass Korra because he cant take ‘no’ as a answer when Korra didnt wanted to join his task force.

Whats interesting is that if it wasnt for Tarrlok harassement and maniputation, Korra wouldnt have joined his task force and wouldnt have confronted Amon and wouldn't have gone through that terrible encounter.

The thing is that Korra is caught right in the middle of a politcal power dispute over the city, something that she for sure wasnt prepare for it. And both Amon and Tarrlok woud hurt or kill her without think twice about it if that means gain  power. And that was exacly what happened

Tarrlok tried to manipulate her and keep her on leash where he could, and when his tatics didnt worked anymore he alreay had a plan B. Yes that whole metal box in that cabin in the middle of nowhere was made especifically for her and maybe Tenzin if he also get in his way.

In the end Korra lost the physical battle against both but won the ethical battle also against both. She was the responsable for expose both of them as corrupted and hypocrites. But at what price? Amon was able to remove the bends of the Avatar. And without them, how could she be the Avatar?

Remember that her entirely conception of herself was built around her duty as Avatar, be the avatar. After all, everything she was, everything she'd trained so hard for, had been destroyed in minutes. Thats why i still strongly believe that she was thinking about killing herself at the end, nobodys goes all sad and crying to in front of a clifft without thinking about jumping from it. 

But she, i think given up the idea and just sit and started to crying when Aang appeared and help her, giving her bendings back in one of the best scenes of the show. So after have everything solve and still managed to get the boy she was in love with, things where great and she “move on”

In that first half, Korra is unbearable. Everything she learned in Book 1 how to be more mature, less spoiled and all, was thrown in the trash and she was the same "child" of the book one only worse.

Until I stopped and realized that I was also unbearable and childish like this when I had my bad phases of anxiety and depression, as defense mechanism and keep people away. Returning to Korra, and if this way of acting of her was nothing more than this defense mechanism?

Because guess what, i dont think she “move on” from all that happened in Book One that fast, and for add more drama she discovered that was her father idea of keeping her locked up training in that training center we saw in book one and not traveling like avatars before her. No wonder she felt betrayed. And for adding even more drama, people still keep treating her like child, so she was despered for some validation. Something that she found in her uncles arms but she was betrayed by him after.

In the end, Korra again goes through a traumatic experience when she has her connection with past lives destroyed. We see how it affected her when she apologizes to Tenzin, through tears. And Tenzin, as the excellent master he is, tries to motivate her to face Vaatu again (now merged with Unalaq, her uncle) and again she saves the day even after go throught a traumatic event

In the final moments, we see the innocent decision to reconnect the world of spirits and the world of men. And we also see Korra and Mako permanently end their turbulent relationship.

Book 3 begins in a more mature, we see all the characters being presented in a more mature way and it seems that Korra now has overcome everything that has passed. We have the relationship between Korra and Asami deepening as well

In Book 3, called "Change" we have a great sacrifice from Korra. Her life goes down a notch when she decides to save the new airbenders from Zaheer and the Red Lotus, the only villain until now that really threat her life since their sole goal was to kill the avatar.

Korra won again but this time victory costed way too much. Yes she save the day again but now she was  physically and psychologically defeated. It was too much, she broke.

Book 4 begins and we only saw Korra in the final minutes and she is unrecognizable. We see that, once proud and courageous avatar, in someone depressed and cowerd. We never have saw Korra like that, even when she was afraid of Amon she wasnt like that.

Korra is afraid of being the Avatar again and her fight against PTSD is still one of the most sensitive, responsable and honest representation of Mentall Issues that i saw, and it was before this subject gain more space on media. It was before people started to give attention to this

I also think that she was having flashs from her other fights and not only the one against Zaheer.

Another thing I think is worth mention is that Korra took 3 years to feel safer and re-embrace her duties as Avatar. It was not 3 weeks or 3 months, it was 3 years. And anyone who suffers from some mental illness knows very well the stigma that is, the fight that is, because everyone wants you to be well faster as possible  when the truth is that many times you spend years fighting against this.  And this is a pressure that falls on you.Imagine, seeing all your friends moving forward while you continue "stock in the same place"?

Only after Korra confronts Zaheer, I think that was a way to show her coping with the trauma, she improves to the point of returning to be the great Avatar we know. I personally still struggles with this scene because put the victim in front of her agressor may not be the best idea but i understand that she needed to see that he was just a man and not the invencible monster her mind was telling her

One of the lines that stuck with me the most was in the TLOK version of the ember island players, the one that made a recap of the show before the finale. When Korra said “I was so naive” just before we watch her narration of her journey, we can feel pain, sadness and strenght. Janet was amazing in the way the delivered this line.

And this fucking quote i saw here on tumblr still is the goat: “The Last Airbender is a story of a boy who becomes a god. The Legend of Korra is the story of a goddess who becomes a girl "

And I still get really pissed when someone comes to talk shit about  Korra because she is such an incredible heroine and her journey is also so incredible.

The story of how life can be hard and unfair, how it can hurt and paralyze, but there is always a reason to move on. We should always move on.

Korra is definitely not weak, quite the opposite, she is one of the if not the strongest heroine I have ever seen. Korra inspires overcoming 

[kellyvela]

Has GRRM ever said in any interview or on his blog that he hates Sansa's complete storyline after 4th season? I dont really follow all of his fan/media interactions but from what I can recall he has spoken abt how LF in books wont give sansa to ramsay or how noone had issue when Jeyne was given the Ramsay storyline in books etc. Asking this question to you bcs you rightly point out how ppl misunderstood his interviews/posts ( sansans/targ stans etc) & I cant recall him ever saying he 'hates' sansa's story in the later seasons of the show ( not s5 in particular but even s6 to s8).

Capclave 2013:

A change that has repercussions for season 4 is Marillion’s tongue removal from the first season. Martin said that the change was made (from an anonymous singer being the victim of a de-tonguing) because they wanted Joffrey to maim someone the audience would recognize. He believes this is an issue because of the part the singer plays in Sansa’s storyline, how he affects her interactions with others in the book, and he doesn’t believe another character will be fulfilling that role on Game of Thrones.

—GRRM talks season 4 & beyond - Winter is Coming - October 13, 2013

2014 Fan Reports about Capclave 2013 (*):

In a convention panel this year, George said on the record that he had no idea what they were doing with Sansa or where they’re taking her storyline, which now makes sense perhaps. He was not pleased when he was talking about it, so who knows what’s going to happen with her! Knowing GRRM, that could mean they’re going off the canon reservation, and/or that they’re going to be making a lot of shit up

I have notes I’ll be responding to (thanks!) but enough people commented about Sansa that I thought I’d share that tidbit, since it happened back in September iirc (was the same panel where he criticized the exclusion of Tyrell brothers)

—starkalypse - June 3, 2014

GRRM’s comments at capclave about Sansa (which I was in the third row for, for those asking about legitimacy) were among others during the panel that had a general theme of dissatisfaction with show changes. He was not in good spirits for that con and didn’t really have anything positive to say regarding the show. So take it with a grain of salt; there are deviations away from the books in the episodes he gets writers credit for, so maybe they’re doing something stupid or they really don’t have a gameplan!

—starkalypse - June 4, 2014

(*) These reports were posted in June 2014, during the airing of Game of Thrones Season 4, about Capclave 2013 that happened in October 2013.

Just after the rape episode:

How many children did Scarlett O’Hara have? Three, in the novel. One, in the movie. None, in real life: she was a fictional character, she never existed. The show is the show, the books are the books; two different tellings of the same story.

There have been differences between the novels and the television show since the first episode of season one. And for just as long, I have been talking about the butterfly effect. Small changes lead to larger changes lead to huge changes. HBO is more than forty hours into the impossible and demanding task of adapting my lengthy (extremely) and complex (exceedingly) novels, with their layers of plots and subplots, their twists and contradictions and unreliable narrators, viewpoint shifts and ambiguities, and a cast of characters in the hundreds.

There has seldom been any TV series as faithful to its source material, by and large (if you doubt that, talk to the Harry Dresden fans, or readers of the Sookie Stackhouse novels, or the fans of the original WALKING DEAD comic books)… but the longer the show goes on, the bigger the butterflies become. And now we have reached the point where the beat of butterfly wings is stirring up storms, like the one presently engulfing my email.

Prose and television have different strengths, different weaknesses, different requirements.

David and Dan and Bryan and HBO are trying to make the best television series that they can.

And over here I am trying to write the best novels that I can.

And yes, more and more, they differ. Two roads diverging in the dark of the woods, I suppose… but all of us are still intending that at the end we will arrive at the same place.

In the meantime, we hope that the readers and viewers both enjoy the journey. Or journeys, as the case may be. Sometimes butterflies grow into dragons.

—The Show, the Books - Not A Blog - May 18, 2015

Report about the last Game of Thrones Script that GRRM wrote:

No Wedding for Sansa and Ramsay: Without question, one of the most controversial changes the show made in trying to streamline the books was by slotting Sansa into the role of Ramsay’s wife and rape victim in Season 5. In the books, Ramsay marries and assaults Sansa’s best childhood friend, Jeyne Poole—who is being forced to impersonate Arya—instead. (You can actually see Jeyne briefly sitting next to Sansa in the show’s pilot.)

At the time Martin wrote this script, though, substituting Sansa for Jeyne was not yet the plan. Martin has Roose Bolton tell his bastard son: “We have a much better match in mind for you. A match to help House Bolton hold the north. Arya Stark.” It should be noted, however, that in Martin’s script, Sansa isn’t free from menace either. At his own wedding-day breakfast, Joffrey still threatens to rape the older Stark sister—once he’s “gotten Margaery with child.”)

—Game of Thrones: The Secrets of George R.R. Martin’s Final Script - Vanity Fair - December 7, 2018

A month before the Game of Throne S8 Finale:

Sansa’s story, in particular, has really deviated from the books. Ramsay Bolton — that marriage obviously was with a different character. When they start deviating like that, did you initially have any emotional reaction, even though you worked in Hollywood for many years yourself?

GRRM: Well, yeah — of course you have an emotional reaction. I mean, would I prefer they do it exactly the way I did it? Sure. But I’ve been on the other side of it, too. I’ve adapted work by other people, and I didn’t do it exactly the way they did it, so ….

Some of the deviation, of course, is because I’ve been so slow with these books. I really should’ve finished this thing four years ago — and if I had, maybe it would be telling a different story here. It’s two variations of the same story, or a similar story, and you get that whenever anything is adapted. The analogy I’ve often used is, to ask how many children did Scarlett O’Hara have? Do you know the answer to that?

I know it’s different in the book and the movie …

GRRM: Three children in the book, one by each husband. She had one child in the movie. And in real life, of course, Scarlett O’Hara had no children, because she never existed. Margaret Mitchell made her up. The book is there. You can pick it up and read Mitchell’s version of it, or you can see the movie and see David Selznick’s version of it. I think they’re both true to the spirit of the work, and hopefully that’s also true of Game of Thrones on one hand, and A Song of Ice and Fire on the other hand.

—George R.R. Martin on the Stark Sisters and Ending ‘Game of Thrones’ - RollingStone - April 22, 2019

James Hibberd’s Book:

GEORGE R. R. MARTIN: Jeyne Poole was included in the pilot—she’s shown giggling next to Sansa—but she’s never seen or referred to again. I actually wrote Jeyne into “The Pointy End,” my first script, when Arya killed the stableboy. I had some stuff with Jeyne running to Sansa being all hysterical and dialogue in the council chamber with Littlefinger saying, “Give her to me, I’ll make sure she doesn’t cause any trouble.” That was dropped.

DAVID BENIOFF: Sansa is a character we care about almost more than any other. We really wanted Sansa to play a major part in that season. If we were going to stay absolutely faithful to the book, it was going to be very hard to do that. There was a subplot we loved from the books, but it was a character not involved in the show.

GEORGE R. R. MARTIN: I was trying to set up Jeyne for her future role as the false Arya. The real Arya has escaped and is presumed dead. But this girl has been in Littlefinger’s control for years, and he’s been training her. She knows Winterfell, has the proper northern accent, and can pose as Arya. Who the hell knows what a little girl you met two years ago looks like? When you’re a lord visiting Winterfell, are you going to pay attention to the little kids running around? So she can pull off the impersonation. Not having Jeyne, they used Sansa for that. Is that better or worse? You can make your decision there. Oddly, I never got pushback for that in the book because nobody cared about Jeyne Poole that much. They care about Sansa.

—Fire Cannot Kill a Dragon: Game of Thrones and the Official Untold Story of the Epic Series by James Hibberd - October 6, 2020

GEORGE R. R. MARTIN: My Littlefinger would have never turned Sansa over to Ramsay. Never. He’s obsessed with her. Half the time he thinks she’s the daughter he never had—that he wishes he had, if he’d married Catelyn. And half the time he thinks she is Catelyn, and he wants her for himself. He’s not going to give her to somebody who would do bad things to her. That’s going to be very different in the books.

—Fire Cannot Kill a Dragon: Game of Thrones and the Official Untold Story of the Epic Series by James Hibberd - October 6, 2020

I hope it helps you.

Thanks for your message.

[iamsuchi]

Oof where do I start from? Ok so the last year was a pure hectic for me and so many bad things happening and the thing is that I didn't recover from things that happened last yr but now I have alot of new problems to worry and cry over .I just want to go to my old self who was happy, confident , inspired, knew what she wanted, didn't care if others tried to discouraged or didn't even care abt the freaking circumstances. I'm so tired tbh my friends are so toxic and all my friendships are one side its always me putting the efforts to carry the convo I lost so many funds too ...I just wanted some nice people and some good relationships and people that I can trust blindly... tried to take advice but it made things worse .things r so bad rn Idt they will ever improve will they ? Mental health was bad too so I wasn't able to focus on my goals or just be in rt state and recently I got rejected by my desired school ..feels like I don't have any reason to live for . I had fight w my bff but she was the one who was wrong and now she is pretending 2 be the victim and ignoring me

WOW, I AM SO SORRY ALL OF THIS IS HAPPENING TO YOU NO ONE DESERVES THIS! If you need a friend I am here my inbox is ALWAYS open, send me a DM if you feel the need. Trust me I need what this is like it's a hard mindset to live with there's so much to unpack here... I want to explain it to you in the best way possible without sounding like victim blame because I don't want you to feel bad or blame yourself any further. The best way I can say this is that your assumptions leading up until now that what's happening to cause all of this and I am assuming that it's probably a happening on an unconscious or subconscious level. PLEASE DO NOT BLAME YOURSELF HERE, THIS IS NOT MY INTENTION IT IS NATURAL FOR SOMETHING BAD TO HAPPEN TO US AS HUMANS AND WE GET INTO A BAD THINKING PATTERN OF THINKING ONLY BAD THINGS WILL HAPPEN TO US - BELIEVE ME, I SPEAK FROM EXPERIENCE. A FEW YEARS AGO I DIDN'T WANNA BE HERE ANYMORE. I HAD TO DO ALOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT OF MENTAL REPROGRAMMING BY MYSELF ONLY WITH THE AID OF A FEW VERY CLOSE FRIENDS AND BY FEW I MEAN MY BEST FRIEND AND LIKE 2 OTHER PERSONS. MY FAMILY DOESN'T TAKE MENTAL HEALTH SERIOUSLY SO I HAD TO DO IT ALONE. AT THAT TIME I DISCOVERED PEOPLE LIKE ALAN WATTS AND NEVILLE GODDARD AND THAT'S THE CATALYST FOR ALL THIS TODAY AND TRUST ME WHEN I SAY I AM STILL NOT WHERE I WANT TO BE EVEN MENTALLY, WORSE I AM STILL IN AN ENVIRONMENT WHERE I DONT REALLY FEEL HAPPY IN. LITERALLY, MY ASSUMPTIONS ARE CARRYING ME DAY TO DAY MOST TIMES. I KNOW THAT HORRIBLE FEELING AND I WISH IT ON NO ONE SO PLEASE REACH OUT TO ME IF YOU CAN WE NEED TO WORK ON THOSE ASSUMPTIONS WE NEED TO BACKTRACK THOSE LIMITING BELIEFS, LIFE IS WORTH LIVING EVEN IF YOU DON'T FEEL THAT WAY RIGHT NOW! TELL YOURSELF IT WILL GET BETTER, IT IS GOING TO GET BETTER, I NEED YOU TO BELIEVE THAT IT WILL! IT IS WORTH THE FIGHT YOU'RE ON THIS EARTH FOR A REASON, THIS IS YOUR HUMAN EXPERIENCE YOU CAN MAKE IT A BEAUTIFUL ONE! YOU CAN BE THAT BEAUTIFUL CONFIDENT PERSON YOU WERE I BELIEVE YOU STILL ARE THAT AND MORE MAYBE YOU JUST NEED A LITTLE HELP WITH GETTING THERE AND I AM HERE FOR YOU! I AM REALLY SORRY AGAIN THAT ALL THIS IS HAPPENING TO YOU AND THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR REACHING OUT! PLEASE DM ME IF YOU CAN IF YOU NEED A FRIEND I AM HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Unfortunately not all the people we meet in our lives are there to benefit us and it sounds like you met some real messed up ones and again I'm sorry about that but there are good people out there, I'm sure there others like me who would love to see you flourish in life. So please don't let the few assholes you've met so far stop you from meeting even more amazing people out there. (GUYS IF YOU READ THIS FAR AND YOU CAN - PLEASE ADD SOMETHING ON TO THIS ASK PLEASE LET THIS PERSON KNOW THEY AREN'T ALONE - WE ARE ONE GUYS! YOU ARE ANOTHER ME - WE ALL SHOULD WANT HAPPINESS AND A WONDERFUL LIFE FOR EACH OTHER.)

Also please mental health is veeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeery important, if you need to cry let it out don't bottle up your emotions, AND PLEASE DO NOT BLAME YOURSELF YOU ARE HUMAN YOU ARE ALLOWED TO FEEL AND EXPERSS YOUR EMOTIONS - LIFE IS HARD SOMETIMES BUT I BELIEVE YOU A RESILIENT, YOU CAN OVERCOME THIS! take some time for yourself, try doing things that make you happy - watch funny vids, eat your favorite food, take a nap and if you can I'd recommend speaking with a therapist or licensed professional when it comes to your mental health. I am sending you so much positive energy and all the love and support I can from where I am, things will get better I believe they will.