#be more chill talkback

[thesquirrelqueer]

I just realized i’ve never actually explained the be more chill historian thing??? cause like it’s not something I came up with myself someone working on the show did

so I went to a talkback with jennifer ashley tepper where she talked about a bunch of broadway history and after it we talked a little bit about bmc. I realized later that I should tell her about the bmc archive so I sent it to her on instagram and explained it a little bit. she thought it was really cool and this was her response

(I did also end up sending it to joe but I already posted about that)

and now I just keep it as a fake title cause it’s funny and accurate

[barilleon]

Holding A Mini-Con Online For Your Friends, or How To Learn A Lot of TTRPGs at Once

In November of 2020, nobody I knew was leaving their house to go eat turkeys with their family. We wanted to protect the ones we loved, but that left us with a whole lot of nothing to do where usually there was... something. Thus, the TRPG (Tabletop fRiendsgiving Potluck Games) was born!

You can do something like this too! Because chances are, your friends all know at least one game system to teach it to everyone else. And some of these systems don't take long to prep or run at all. In this post, I'll talk about how we do it and why it's a great idea if you and your friends are looking to learn more ttrpgs.

I have a private Discord Server called the Demonweb Shitpit, which is where I playtest everything I self publish. It's a very chill, invitation-only place that is reserved for friends. It doesn't have a code of conduct or anything like that; this isn't a community I'm managing. It's just a perpetual virtual house party. I wanted to wake up and head to the virtual fridge for breakfast and find two people standing in the virtual kitchen yelling about probability distribution, and that's what the Shitpit is. During the early days of the Pandemic, I really wanted to make life easier for everyone at that party.

The rules of the potluck are simple: everyone brings a game (or an event, like hosting a talk or panel) to play. That's what a potluck is. We've done this for three years now, and it is always a blast. I've played so many games I never would have otherwise: If It Hadn't Been for Cotton-Eyed Joe. Kids on Brooms. Blue Rose. Big Motherfucking Crab Truckers.

Here's how we do it:

Gather a group of interested people in one place. Discord works the best, because it has A/V built in for running games. You could also probably use a Facebook Event page or similar if you wanted.

Figure out a time people are available. You can set this over a long weekend (our first year, it was Thanksgiving Weekend) or on certain days of the week over the course of a month (One year it was "weekends during November).

Let everybody bring something to the Potluck. This doesn't necessarily mean that every one of these games is going to happen. You always need more players than you do games. But it is a potluck, and volunteering is part of the price.

Gather this information using a Google Form or similar: what are you bringing, what do people need to participate, when would you be available to facilitate, etc.

Get everyone to vote on which things they are most interested in trying out. Now you know which things are popular and which things might not shake out.

Make a calendar (Google Calendar or a Notion Database work great) of events and let people sign up for them. I usually let people sign up via informal poll on Discord:

After that, we make threads in the Discord channel for each game, and the folks running or facilitating coordinate things like how to prep for the game, safety tools, and content warnings.

Usually at the end of a potluck session, where I'd normally do something like Stars and Wishes, we have a talkback session. We talk about the system moreso than the session itself, give our impressions on it, and highlight moments or mechanics we really liked. It helps with learning a system if you can name one or two things you liked about it after the session is over.

What Games To Bring?

You are probably not going to want to bring a big, involved game with big, involved character creation to the potluck. If you really want to, check to see if the game has a quickstart with premade characters and simplified rules. Also, since you are introducing a game to folks who likely have never played it, multiply your estimated time to run the session by 1.5 at least. GMless games work really well, especially if there is little to no character creation, or character creation is an explicit part of play.

If you're going to run a potluck with your friends but need a starting point for games to bring, here's a quick list of games that might work well:

i'm sorry did you say street magic - worldbuilding, GMless fun

Stealing the Throne - you make your characters *during* play, which means you get to play right away

The Ground Itself - worldbuilding and GMless, a delight

Everyone Is John - VERY simple to learn!

Cozy Town - The best Stardewlike in my opinion

Paranormal Inc - GMless mystery game, where you draw clues and build the story together!

Heart: Quickstart - Dungeon Crawling, Underground City, premade characters

Orbital Blues Quickstart - Premade characters, You're Poor And In Space, Easy to Read & Run

Why Are We Doing This?

Our Potluck is one of the events I look forward to every year, and it's so easy and fun to get started. Also, if you're the kind of person who needs to play something in order to get a good feel for it, this is a really good opportunity. And scheduling to run a game for your friends is a great motivator to learn it. My friends and I are all in this together, and I don't want to let them down, so I prepare a kickass session and show up to their sessions. BOOM, now my horizons have expanded exponentially.

Including the talkback or any space to reflect on the game helps cement in our minds what we liked and didn't like about a system. And in future design conversations, we now have a shared vocabulary of all the Potluck games we've played together. When we talk about something, I'll go, "Remember that time in Blue Rose when you looked around and saw the set pieces?" and the folks who were playing will know what I mean and know what I'm getting at, and what experiences I'm trying to capture in our new project.

It's also just fun! Make fun memories with your friends and step out of your comfort zones. That's what it's all about baby!

[submergingartist666]

if you say something stupid, people should let you know

oh man you ever read a review and think to yourself “haha oh shit that was fucked up that’s a fucked up thing to say”

or even just “shit dude i don’t think you picked up at all what the artist was trying to put down and while your god awful experience is, like, so valid it doesn’t seem like you even tried to understand what happened or why …

and i don’t think it’s constructive to call an actor’s performance annoying … also ur writing just kinda sucks”

but the thing is you can’t stop them, you know? and there’s nothing i can say about how to be a better critic that hasn’t already been said, so i think if you say something stupid, people should let you know.

anyone. fellow critics, artists, you, dear reader.

i mean sure, critics have a responsibility to respect the artists we’re talking about while staying honest but we also have a responsibility to the way they’re being talked about by each other, right? think about it– the relationships critics have with artists– should they not extend past the interactions we have with them? should we not publicly address and comment on what our peers have publicly said about a public piece of art in our own reviews?

this is not about disagreement or taste because i hate most of what i see but clarity I think maybe also (for lack of better words) community? which is such a bleh word to use these days but i kinda like the idea of reviews becoming referential of a review interacting with ideas in other reviews of the same something different people experienced.

instead, we hide behind third person and we hide behind formality and authority and we think artistic dialogue only starts when we initiate it so we HAVE to have the answers, right? otherwise why the fuck would anyone want to hear from us? bc we’re smart cool sexy funny and kind? NO. bc we know what the FUCK we’re talking about (i have a BAH, mf)!

but sometimes we don’t know what the fuck we’re talking about, which is chill because you can’t always know what the fuck you’re talking about, and we should be ok with people letting us know especially if they can tell us why.

it would be, like, so hot If i saw a review that was like, “yo i saw this show and i loved the way they did this thing and this is what it made me think of, but that wasn’t this person’s experience [hyperlinked post], no they had the complete opposite time and hated it, but i see how that influenced their interpretation of the rest of the show. however, they didn’t pick up on some crucial elements (for whatever reason) that would’ve provided the necessary context for them to continue engaging meaningfully which may speak to a lapse in communication (which is a valid critique) and not an absolute failure of the artist as they’re saying.” or–

–idk i just think it’ll get really boring if we only ever do our critic thing individually bc we’re all kind of screaming into the void hoping our opinions get more attention than the next and right now, that overwhelming sense of competition and legitimacy is turning people off from collaborative, critical engagement.

could be kind of fun if we collectively decided to extend post-show lobby chats and talkbacks and conversations over drinks to somewhere like twitter or reddit a place where people can casually share their interpretations and cultural references like we do with television and books and movies, you know?

critics need ~community~ too.

or maybe we don’t maybe i’m talking out of my ass and if i am maybe you should let me know why :)

[onlyjellyillputinmybelly]

Fantasy High- the og campaign with the og cast. Many of them do not really know how to play dnd well, so its good for learning abt the game with pretty low stakes. Its like your classic high school funny sitcom, except its magic and in dnd. Extremely fun, very relatable, great mixture of story elements and mystery elements and combat.

Bloodkeep: fun little villainous sidequest. Much shorter than FH. Very funny with more CH members. Ive never really gotten too into its story personally but its still good.

FH sophomore year: WATCH THE FIRST FH FIRST. YOU WILL NOT UNDERSTAND ANYTHING IF YOU DONT

The Unsleeping City: a fucking masterpiece. Goes a lot more into dnd mechanics so it is a bit less beginner friendly. OG cast. Amazing characters, story, combat, and lore. Its set in NYC but theres magic. Very funny but also very emotional.

Tiny Heist: sidequest with a new cast (special guests the Mcelroys). Very short, very funny, less lore based but still very good story, its kinda toy story esque but much cooler.

A crown of candy: FUCKING WILD. Back to the OGs. Very long, EXTREMELY lore heavy and extremely angsty. Just be aware. Insane world building and really cool use of dnd mechanics in a setting where everything is food. Only watch this when youre mentally and emotionally prepared for it. Still funny tho

Pirates of Leviathan: dont watch before you finish FH sophomore year. Its a sidequest in the FH universe with some spoilers and lore that you wont rly understand til you watch it

Mice and murder: another one that i actually havent finished cuz i couldnt get into it but chill lil sidequest w a lot of mystery

Misfits and Magic: i love this one. Its the first campaign that Aabria DMs and i adore her. Also you get Brennan as a PC. Its the first campaign to have ab adventuring party talkback show after each episode so you gotta watch that too. Only like 4 episodes and its really funny and rly cool (its based on harry potter but its mostly just making fun of it. Also its not traditional dnd 5e mechanics)

The Seven: hear me when i say its truly my fave campaign. YOU MUST WATCH FANTASY HIGH SEASON 1 BEFORE IT. Set in the FH universe, all women except for brennan, definitely the funniest and horniest campaign ever.

Shriek Week: short lil campaign with non traditional dnd mechanics. Very funny, great if youre a horror nut but also like college stories

Starstruck: up there in terms of favorite seasons. Back w the OGs. Set in space and the villain is so flagrantly capitalism. Incredible sci fi vibes but also like 80s vibes. Incredible characters, really cool added mechanics, hilarious.

Coffin Run: another incredible campaign with altered mechanics. Perfect if you like horror, also IZZY ROLAND IS MY FAVORITE DND PLAYER EVER

ACOFAF: another brilliant Aabria campaign. Its beautiful. Its regency so if ur not into that maybe skip it. Its so hilarious tho and every character is so fucking incredible

Neverafter: a masterpiece. Back w the ogs. Prolly dont watch this one first because the mystery elements are SO hardcore and the interwoven lore is kinda hard to follow if youre not used to brennans storytelling

The ravening war: guest dm whoopieeee also dont watch this till after ACOC

Dungeons and Drag Queens: great standalone series but i just couldnt get into it personally

Mentopolis: love it but again, brennans insane storytelling so you have to fet used to it. Also HANK GREEN

Burrows end: holy fuck. Aabria. This one is also a lot but its so good. But dont watch it first or else your stabdards will be way too high

FH jr year and unsleeping city 2- you know the drill

I'm recovering from an ear infection so I'm gonna try and relax by playing balatro and watching dimension 20 where should I start

[boyf--riends]

review of Be More Chill!

i’m about to talk a lot about the show and the cast! if you don’t wanna read but you wanna hear about the talkback, the audio posts have just gone up and for those of you who want the review it’s under the cut!!!

- you can see jeremy violently pull down his pants before More Than Survive starts 

- the bus ride was so cute!! the actors jostled around like they were actually on a bus and it was super fun to watch even though it was literally only 5 seconds long

- the reason why chloe calls jeremy out is because he tried to sneakily snake his arm behind brooke to get to his locker and it looked like a weird pervy move

- rich walks straight into jeremy and we were blessed with “dOn’T TouCH Me TaLL aSs!!1!” and jeremy just stands there as rich violently scribbles on his back pack

- michael entered from the audience and accidentally hit my friend in the face with his backpack strap and did his lil marley jam session and the crowd went fucking nuts

- ”boyf. what does this mean?” jeremy turns around and so does michael so their bags read boyf riends and michael turned to jeremy and made kissy faces/noises the mom behind me violently whispered “what the hell is a boyf” tbh its a mood 

- jake lifts christine up in all her glory to sign up for the play and tbh,, i aspire to be that extra

- I LOVE PLAY REHEARSAL HOLY SHIT

- christine is so excited the whole time and god did her actress fucking kill the part

- when jake talks to christine it was pretty obvious he was nervous but tried to play cool and i really liked that

- two player game started and i shit you not the person in front of me started crying

- jeremy does not like to talk to his dad or about his mom

- “im your favowite pewson” michael nuzzles jeremys shoulder and jeremy shoves him off and he dramatically falls on top of the bean bags

- they had two of the ensemble actors as the payless employees and it was kinda weird but i went with it

- when they said it was top secret stuff michael was behind jeremy taking pictures of the stuff inside the box and it was super funny

-i thought jeremy picked out some kinda unisex blue v-neck ladies shirt not a sparkly pink tube top what the fuck

- “BecauSe SHe chEaTEd on MEeeEEEeeee” he rolled on the ground so fucking dramatically

- Do You Wanna Ride made 89% of the audience so uncomfortable but everyone went wild when brooke went “pi-i-i-i-i-i-i-ink beeeeerrryyyyy”

- jeremy’s voice cracked when he said everything about him made he wanna die and the squip turned the whole thing around but he kept that evil smirk on his face the whole damn time

- jeremy sleep singing Be More Chill while being carried to his bed and getting tucked in was so cute dont make me mention the “sleep tight slugger” bc my heart broke

- chloe totally psychs out christine before Guy That I’d Kinda Be Into and when jeremy enters christine pulls out of that whole funk and it was super freaking cute

- whenever christine does anything jeremy looks so love sick its adorable

- when christine said jake you could see physical pain on jeremy’s face before he grabbed his stuff and ran out

- brooke and jeremy had sex during upgrade (he comes out from backstage after making out with brooke, buttoning up his pants an smoothing out his shirt) and i was so fucking SHOOK 

- michael looked so angry and hurt but he got all excited when he figured out the squip worked but jeremy just stood there and didn’t even move to go after michael

- THE LIGHT WAS SHINING ON MICHAEL WHEN HE ASKED IF JEREMY WAS COMING THEN THE LIGHT WENT OUT AND ALL YOU COULD SEE WAS THE SQUIPS LIGHT NEXT TO JEREMY AFTER HE SAYS OPTIC NERVE BLOCKING: ON

- the costumes for halloween made me nut holy shit the barking unicorn was my favorite

-after the song is over rich is the only one still on stage and he’s twitching and repeating “halloween” over and over again until he walks off stage

- brooke was so excited to see jeremy and christine was so excited to see jake but they both were pretty rude and both girls loked pretty upset afterwards

- chloe rubbed herself all over jeremy and when she gave him the baby bottle full of alcohol jeremy loked genuinely panicked when the squip made him drink it

- Do You Wanna Hang also made 89% of the audience uncomfortable but it turned pretty funny when jake punch through a fucking window

- michael covered head to toe in trash is such a mood but jeremy look so relieved when he finally saw michael

-  “I had this whole spiel about 12 years of friendship going right down the drain” jeremy looked so guilty but michael looked so hurt and betrayed especially when he was trying to explain why the squip was bad

- jeremy shoved michael into the bath tub after he called him a loser, and all the parents who had no idea what BMC was gasped, and everyone was already crying

- Ryan Everett Wood is such an amazing actor and he really made Michael In The Bathroom the best scene in the whole show

- while jeremy and christine exchange weird noises, the dude in the unicorn costume sits up and just starts barking at them before he passes out again

- they make fun of rich for spazzing and asking for mountain dew red before the squip tells jeremy to skedaddle before the fire

- all of the shiny metallic costumes in Rich Set A Fire really highlighted the guys’ muscles and i liked it

- pitiful children was so well choreographed and i really want a pair of those sick light up sneakers

- as the show goes on and the squips control over jeremy gets stronger, the make up gets more intense and the squip starts to look more dishevelled and corrupt

- jeremy totally fucking roasted his dad (his dad looked so sad and shook) and what does his dad do?? run half naked to michaels house of course

- michael is getting high asf and sitting in a onsie burning stuff

- mr reyes is wearing jeremys costume and he looks so proud of himself until he sees jeremy 

- michael made his entrance through the audience and everyone lost their god damn MINDS

- michael is such a petty bitch like,, jeremy is literally on the ground in pain and he’s just “hmmm no sorry u gotta apologize ://///” and if that ain’t me,,,,,

- michael literally holds jeremy with his arms and legs and jake just shrugs and grabs the mt dew red before pouring it out and michael looks so SHOOK

- “did the squip heal your legs???” in the most evil yet nonchalant high school jock voice i’ve ever heard “No I just can’t feel any pain. and its AWESOME”

- when christine comes out michael starts to walk away like “whoops theres christine looks like he won’t give up the squip now” but gets so excited when jeremy tells her to drink the mt dew

- everyone starts shrieking and michael looks terrified and starts screaming too and when everyone passes out michaels still screaming “AAAAAAAOOOOOOOOHHHHHH FUCK”

- rich is in a legit full body cast but he looks so happy once jeremy wakes up and starts talking to him

- “oh my god i am totally bi” rich sounded so excited and the audience clapped and cheered

- rich and michael kinda had that “you were the only other person in this hospital room i could talk to and you’re not that bad of a person” vibe when voices in my head started playing

- jake looks like he’s about to punch jeremy but he sends him off with a lil bro hug and it’s such a pure interaction!! jeremy looks so stoked that everyone is still talking to him after the play!!!!

- “i think that all of us want to go out with you” they have sweet make out kiss thing and the whole cast is on the high beams looking down at them so fondly 

- the squip comes back and jeremy just started to sing louder and it was so good and such an empowering moment

LITTLE NOTES ABOUT THE CAST: Everyone was so good and they all fit their roles so well! So much respect goes out to Matt, Ryan, Sal, Lizz, Jason, Billy, Vincent, Lisa, Katie, Emily, Carly, Frankie, and Bridget because without their hardwork and dedication to the show, it wouldn’t have been so good!!

You could also tell how much effort was put into the details of the show like, nothing was there to just be there, everything had a purpose and there was never any weird “i dont have any lines so i’ll just awkwardly stand here” moments with any of the actors!! overall the show was  out of this world amazing and i’m so greatful that I had the chance to see it and meet the wonderful actors behind the original and the revival show!!!!

overall rating: hell yes/10

[yutaya]

Stuff from the Be More Chill TalkBack Event at Exit82 Theater on November 12, 2017

> When asked what is their favorite number to perform:

Ryan Everett Wood AKA Michael Mell Revival Cast: Smartphone Hour

Sal Pavia AKA The Squip Revival Cast: Halloween Party (he says even though he’s not actually in the scene he always jams to it backstage)

Matt Dalton AKA Jeremy Heere Revival Cast: More Than Survive

Katie Ladner AKA Jenna Rolan Original Cast: said her favorite song to perform herself is Michael In The Bathroom. (George jokingly got up and started to walk off stage)

Katlyn Carlson AKA Chloe Valentine Original Cast: Do You Wanna Ride, singing together with Brooke

Stephanie Hsu AKA Christine Canigula Original Cast: I Love Play Rehearsal, because she loves getting to be so weird. She actually gets too excited when performing that song and has to remember to tone it down because one time while doing it she choked on spit (George: Gross!)

George Salazar AKA Michael Mell Original Cast: Michael In The Bathroom

Joe Iconis: Fav song he wrote is Smartphone Hour. He always enjoys it when he hears it.

> Joe wrote A Guy That I’d Kinda Be Into SUPER late, once they were already rehearsing at Two River Theater. They originally had some sort of I Love Play Rehearsal Reprise there, but the scene was still dragging - then one day he ran out of the room to write GTIKBI and it was gr8. (As a personal note, I remember seeing an I Love Play Rehearsal Reprise sung by Squipped!Christine in that practice script that was released instead of her actual Guy I’d Kinda Be Into Reprise and I guess now we know why!)

> Katie was given Jenna’s lines from Smartphone Hour to read when she was going in for the audition, but she didn’t know it was a song, so she was just like “...what the fuck??” Then she decided she’d play it as weirdly as possible in the audition and it would either be great or backfire spectacularly. Obviously things ended up working out well.

Katlyn went to her audition for Chloe dressed like a “noveau cheerleader cat lady”

> When practicing for the show and when everyone was building their parts, George devoted a lot of work to building a great friendship with Will that could then translate to Michael and Jeremy. (It’s called acting, George. :P)

> Ryan said he really loves playing Michael because he sees Michael in himself, because Michael is so relatable and that’s why everyone loves him because everyone relates to him (”and also they all love him because of this fucking guy,” he says, reaching towards George, who laughs as meanwhile 60% of the fangirls in the room swoon from the brilliance of his smile)

Ryan also says that he’s so honored to be a part of this production, because he is such a huge fan of the show and is in constant awe of the original team and is constantly freaking out just being in their presence - “Even little things, like, I die every time at ‘You shop here?’ [Stephanie and Katie are fake bowing down to Katlyn as Ryan hides his face from her] I can’t even look at you right now!”

> Who would your Squip look like? Not your character: yours.

Joe: Either Stephen Sondheim, Martin Scorsese, or Kermit the Frog

George: Danny Devito

Stephanie: “I mean, like, ‘Yes Beyonce!’ but in reality the truth is... A Tree.” (Katie: She would smell like essential oils constantly)

Katlyn: Initially said Steve Martin from the 70s, a couple questions later changed her answer to Gwen Stephani

Katie: A fusion between Clarissa from Clarissa explains it all and Melissa McCarthy

Ryan: Either Tina Fey or the Grinch

Sal: Was thinking originally Alec Baldwin circa 30 Rock, but then would transform into his mother

Matt: Shaggy from Scooby Doo

> Joe was asked who would he be in BMC - he said if it was actually just him in that world he’d be Jeremy, but if it was him as an actor able to play anyone he wants, he’d be Chloe

> If you could play anyone else who would it be?

Matt: The Squip

Sal: Brooke

Ryan: Brooke

Katie: (”But I love Jenna!! If I had to be someone else, I’d be the girl version of Michael. Mikayla In The Bathroom.”)

Katlyn: 100% Rich.

Stephanie: Would play in the band

George: Christine (”and btw guys, I’ll be singing some Christine at 54 Below this spring!”)

I believe it was the Exit82 Musical Director Chris Sabol: Mr. Reyes

> Ryan and George were asked how they felt about playing a character who has come to represent to LGBTQ+ community.

Ryan said that as a member of the community himself he’s so glad that this exists for people and that it’s always so amazing to meet young people at the stage door saying thank you to Michael for representing who we are.

George told a story about how a couple of weeks previously, his dad had called him, crying (”Dad what’s wrong who’s dead?!”), because when George was younger he was originally studying to be a doctor, and his parents were like “but! Doctor!!” when he switched to acting, He said when he told them he wanted to switch he said that he wanted to help people in that way, to give them an escape for an hour or two, etc. and his dad was kind of like “...but as a doctor you would help people! You would literally be saving lives!!” George said that they didn’t fully understand, but that at that time a couple of weeks ago his dad went through a box George had sent to his mom for her fanart scrapbook project or something: the box was full of a whole bunch of fanart and letters from young people who had written thanking George because they had been going through a really hard time and some of them were suicidal, and then they found BMC and it saved them, and then his dad called him up because he hadn’t understood before how important this was.

[keplcrs]

michael meets michael!

[dr-osiris]

"You dare raise your tongue at me." [His voice became a hiss and before CJ could move back, she was dangling in midair by the throat. His grip tightened so it was nearly impossible to breathe.]

"Perhaps I have been far too lenient with you. Maybe I should have done this a long time ago, you always run your mouth. It is infuriating."

[One hand was on the snare that held Silver down, the other was locked on CJ'S throat. How dare this BITCH think that she had the authority to speak to him of all people like that. It was his fault, he supposed, he had never been rough with her.]

"This is the way things go here in urbanshade, if you cannot learn to understand that then there is no place for you here."

[A threat, his voice was ice. Chipped ice that would chill anyone to the bone.]

"There will be no more talkback, you speak to me like that ONE more time and you will be depremoted to D-Rank. This is. Your. Last. Warning."

[His grip around her throat increased.]

[The sounds of roaring filled the air. Thrashing sounds could be heard, snarling filling the air as men shouted.]

{GET OFF OF ME.}

[What the.....]

[Osiris was in the middle of the room, Silver's massive form writhing on the ground- trying to get away as he was held in place with a snare. It was tightened around his neck, multiple bodies of guards that had their innards ripped out from Silver's relenting claws laid strewn around.]

"SHUT. YOUR. MOUTH."

[That voice, that voice was filled with fury. Multiple dents on his armour and metal corvid shaped mask. There was a crackle of electricity and Silver began writhing on the ground, as the snare came to life and shocked him multiple times.]

{STOP IT- STOP- STOP-}

[He roared, no. Both him and the parasite screeched in blistering agony as the pain grew.]

[Dr. Osiris turned his head, the red eyes from his mask glinting eerily as he looked at the newcomer.]

[CJ.]

@dr-osiris

CJ had barely even worked within the black site and had ALREADY been dumped with a bunch of dead bodies.

But even so. She's never really seen.. The experiments and what has happened within the experimentation wing.

When she even got close to that area she's been brought right back to her forensic lab to examine bodies..

No way this was what really happened in this wing.. She stood frozen as she stared in horror... Trying to grasp some kind of comprehension on what was happening...

She had some reports of some bodies she had just examined. She had only meant to turn the files to Osiris....

She took a step back, the files slipping from her hands as she barely cracked out her words.

"What... The hell.."

[scaryfaggot]

I AM GOING TO FUCKING A S C E N D (BUT NOT IN A GOOD WAY) IF I DONT GET MORE REVIVAL CONTENT

[me1odram]

Last night I went to a show. Long story short it was about a couple that are put together quite mechanically by the guys sister. It was called a ‘Millennial Love Story’ by the director. Afterwards there was a talkback where the audience can ask the actors questions. The Millennial Love Story thing was brought up (keep in mind the audience is majority 40+ and we’re a class of about 10 students in the back). One of the older men in the audience shouts out ‘But how can it be Millennial? There were no cellphones!’ and there was a small bit of silence before every single student broke into sarcastic laughter. No discussion, just immediate ‘oh hahaHAHAHA because-haha-because we can’t-ha-can’t live without them! Hahahaha-oh what a witty man-hahaha’. This continues for about 2 minutes and then we all just stop and look at him and his surrounding co-generation x-ers/baby boomers who are absolutely baffled by the fact that there was a group of millennials behind them in that very audience. It was great.

[ghostcat3000]

SKAM season 3 talkback series: episode 8, “Mannen i mitt liv”

The SKAM season 3 rewatch talkback series was done in conjunction with a first-time watch for a small group of newbies. I talked to a cross-section of fans about each episode so our newbies could get a varied taste of what the SKAM fandom was about.

Talk back with the wonderful @odeto-psyche​ (aka shoulderbone on AO3)

SKAM 3.8: Mannen i mitt liv conducted on 30, November 2019

@odeto-psyche​: Hello there :blue_heart: Thank you for having me on here, I am super excited.

@ghostcat3000​: Hello, hello! I am still mostly asleep on account of being a raccoon person who wanders around at night eating trash so please forgive my slow response time.

odetopsyche: You take your time, I just had my second coffee today.

Ghostcat: Good morning from NYC and thank you so much, odetopsyche, for coming by to talk to me about my favorite episode, Mannen i mitt liv.

odetopsyche: God Morgen from Oslo, where it is 15:30 right now. I am honoured. This episode is one of my favorites.

Ghostcat: I can't believe you're in Oslo this morning, you're really showing up all the other non-Norwegians.

odetopsyche: Haha, I try.

Ghostcat: FULL IMMERSION FOR THIS TALK BACK.

odetopsyche: The first time I was here was this time last year actually and I had some serious Skam moments, it was beautiful. But despite it being -3c here, it's beautiful as shown in the show.

Ghostcat: Did you bump into any SKAM actors? Because that is my nightmare.

odetopsyche: I did.

Ghostcat: Who? Where? I forgot, but please answer for the more awake who don't know this.

odetopsyche: At a bar where I knew the actors would be. It was actually really chill, they were all there for the con and I just wanted to see what was happening, so I went. I got to meet Henrik briefly, with a photo, a wave, and then that was that. I also met some of the Skam Italia cast. I never have done anything like that before, and haven't since, mostly because I'm not super into actor culture and don't watch tv. "Actor culture." "Fan culture." You know what I mean.

Ghostcat: I feel you.

odetopsyche: The last show that I watched that I truly fell in love with was Skam in late 2017. Over Christmas time two years ago, very late to the game, but because I was never in that loop, and found it by accident.

Ghostcat: And here we are, with you getting suckered into having a conversation about it with some random person online… By accident?

odetopsyche: I found Skam totally by accident. No one recommended it, I'd never seen it online. In 2017 I was living in London and studying my masters, so I never had time for any online findings of new shows, fandoms, the like on tumblr or beyond. When I finished that degree I was on tumblr for the first time in months and months, and was randomly on the search page and saw a random post - seriously - and read it and then looked it up. That make-out gif later, I found it on Dailymotion and watched season 3 in one night.

Ghostcat: What was the random post? (Unless it's spoilery―then give me the secret wink)

odetopsyche: No it's not. It was someone recommending LGBTQ shows and I just read the description and was curious. And I was just looking up all of them on the list, but that was the first one I picked. And that was that.

Ghostcat: Ah, so you saw season three first (not unusual post-season three really).

odetopsyche: Yes, I did. Then I rewatched it all from season 1 to 4, slower.

Ghostcat: Did you find it hard to follow without knowing the other characters? Or was it just go, go, go―immediately caught up in the momentum?

odetopsyche: Truth be told, until about episode 5, I wasn't really paying attention. I was doing other things and had it on, sort of following.

Ghostcat: Ha ha ha, okay. What caused the turn?

odetopsyche: Sorry, that's not true. It was episode 2. The window scene. Then I was like, oh.

Ghostcat: Right, right. You had the fanfic oh moment.

odetopsyche: Then episode 5 when he has his Kanye moment, then I really stopped everything―went from my oh shit the lighting the actors the stillness the silence―to now I have to write something about this.

Ghostcat: (nods, drinks tea)

odetopsyche:  So after that episode, I knew if I found a fandom for it, I would probably see what's in it. Explore a bit, write a bit, etc. Episode eight was...quite incredible.

Ghostcat: Yeah. Before we get fully into it. I want to go back a little and present a question from our previous talk back guest, @etal-late​, for you: how does the setting and the whole architecture and space of the hotel add to the scene?

odetopsyche: Okay.

Ghostcat: Which, I guess, technically, puts us right at the climax of the episode but like that hotel scene we'll move around in time a bit.

odetopsyche: Excellent. Well, for me, the hotel scene is from where Isak steps off the curb outside of KB, when Gambino begins to play, to the end of the scene when he leaves the hotel in the dark. That entire sequence is blue. It's nearing real winter and the sky is a toneless gray, the buildings go from the west side's white and neutral facades to steel, glass, and taller business buildings and hotels. It's also just near the central station, so you really feel like you're not a kid anymore but in the 'city' part, alone and adult. Which I feel matches exactly the experience Isak is going through, checking into a hotel  feels sort of  like this romantic, exciting 'quasi' adult experience he's having.

Ghostcat: Yes.

odetopsyche: Inside the hotel, I feel like it also repeats this theme of feeling adult. It's not the Kollektiv, it's not Even's room with all his posters. It's a nameless, pale, anonymous backdrop. But I also am implying that 'feeling adult' also is meant to feel like you're 'out of your depth' ~~ a frequent adult feeling, might I add.

Ghostcat: Lol. That is the entirety of what being an adult is for me.

odetopsyche: Yes.

Ghostcat: A mad scrambling improv of "having it together" (spoiler: you never have it totally together). It's a rite of passage for all teenagers that...I want to say transgression but that's not the right word. That first thing you do that feels like something so far outside of your scope but you're unafraid (mostly) because you're doing it with another.

odetopsyche: It's certain a transfer. And an interference, I think, as well lol, to your sense of what the world appears to you to be.

Ghostcat: I remember cutting school once, leaving at the usual time, but taking a bus into Manhattan and meeting my boyfriend and spending the whole day together. It felt like a different world. It was a different world.

odetopsyche: Yes and you're in this 'bubble' together that is as intoxicating as doing drugs out in public in the middle of the day.

Ghostcat: Always with that nagging sense of can I get away with this?

odetopsyche: Same chemicals released in your brain. So I definitely understand why Isak and Even could have this experience and go along with it and get caught up.

Ghostcat: And go up. Literally.

odetopsyche: That's the wave, the whirlwind.

Ghostcat: The ride up to the suite in that elevator, leaving the city behind and being in the clouds a bit.

odetopsyche: This is Andem's goodness here.

Ghostcat: Yeah, she knows what she's doing.

odetopsyche: It's such a normal elevator in reality and yet she makes it really feel like that swooping feeling up in your gut.

Ghostcat: It's like she took the word "high" and started to think about all the ways she could indicate it without slapping us in the face.

odetopsyche: Also, one of my top Isak/Tarjei acting quirks is the little 'eyebrow raise' before they kiss, while the Weeknd is playing.

Ghostcat: I love that. It's such a challenging look―flirtatious and sweet and unafraid.

odetopsyche: These are the types of things that, once I clued in to what I was watching, absolutely thrilled me. And has since forever set Skam apart, is that subtlety.

Ghostcat: One of our newbies thought Isak might have some hesitation here and I bit my tongue because I wanted to shout LOOK AT HIS FACE, THAT EYEBROW, HE'S ALL IN. The subtlety is sublime. It makes one a part of the experience because you come to the associations naturally.

odetopsyche: It is, we're all flies on the wall here, rather than an audience. It's a great feeling.

Ghostcat: Thrilling but we'll come back to the hotel in a bit. Do you remember how you felt at the start of this episode? Were you worried going into this one?

odetopsyche: Quite excited, since the reunion was the episode before.

Ghostcat: I know some audience members were concerned that Isak never had a talk with Even. He just immediately leapt.

odetopsyche: I did have a thought like this, but not at this moment. For me, it made perfect sense that he would do this. He is a teenager who is in the throes of his first reciprocated crush and is kind of having puppy love levels of feels, which are Total Serious Ness when you are 17.

Ghostcat: They might as well be full-on love.

odetopsyche: Yes. Though I did feel his guard was still up when he got up. And he did tell Even the truth about how much the Sonja thing upset him, even if he didn't use the exact words.

Ghostcat: With time you come to understand love differently but that first full-on flush is a wild overthrow.

odetopsyche: Indeed.

Ghostcat: I was quite proud of Isak.

odetopsyche: Me too. I felt really happy for him, relieved, and hopeful.

Ghostcat: Which sounds like a ridiculous thing to say, but I felt such a sense of kinship with this kid.

odetopsyche: His comment 'only you can feel what you feel' was intensely powerful, that same kind of power that paralleled his negative comment about mental health in the locker those previous episodes.

Ghostcat: Yes, so powerful. It really grabbed me and then the camera pans to Even and he is equally captured.

odetopsyche: It also exposed his vulnerability a great deal. Given he doesn't know about Even's mental health history really, for him to say this carried a lot of depth to follow. It was quite a profession, almost like an I love you without knowing that is what he was saying.

Ghostcat: Yes, definitely.

odetopsyche: Even felt this though, and it must have felt so good, so validating (also an intoxicating feeling), and so pure coming from Isak. Which I think touches on this theme we see.

Ghostcat: Even's explanations about Sonja confused the fuck out of me but I believed the ramble of it, if that makes sense?

odetopsyche:  Where Even sees Isak as 'pure' in the sense that he doesn't know Even, isn't hurt by him, and Even really tries to protect him from whatever he deems a threat, whether it's himself, or Sonja, etc.

Ghostcat: Especially himself. It felt like something difficult was going on, more than your usual “we're done because she's a b” sort of talk.

odetopsyche: So the rambling Even did also was a bit of red flag.

Ghostcat: Yes, but at the time, I didn't pick up on it. I thought it was just SKAM's hyper-realistic dialogue, ha ha ha.

odetopsyche: One because I am weird about how people explain their break ups. And his 'control' explanation, I didn't quite understand what he meant. I chalked it up to their relationship being so long.

Ghostcat: That rambling, I've-never-had-to-articulate-this-before type talk. I understood control as gaslighting of some sort which seemed weird given what Even has shown us so far.

odetopsyche: I do have to say, that as someone who has experienced a relationship ending akin to the end of Sonja/Even, I do really feel for her. I know that maybe is not the most common opinion but I felt that Sonja became the enemy in her own relationship which must have felt like shit. And I could understand, in that way we understand that people are complicated, that perhaps she did feel controlling to Even because she was aware he was leaving her―emotionally, physically, etc. So I thought maybe she was clingy, or manipulative. And I didn't understand why Even didn't seem sad it was over with her. Or perhaps it just didn't seem like that to Isak―seeing as this is his perspective, and he wouldn't have witnessed those moments.

Ghostcat: True.

odetopsyche: A six year relationship doesn't just end like that. Likely it had been over for a while, or never quite recovered from the last time they nearly broke, and so Isak was a catalyst, rather than a breaking point. Which is how I choose to view their ending.

Ghostcat: Though Isak's POV is an interesting thing. He's observant and mindful of other people, he has a lot of moments of "regret."

odetopsyche: Yeah he does. Which I really appreciated. Because it's human.

Ghostcat: Yes. His moments of understanding that he'd done wrong.

odetopsyche: He hesitated, because he knew obviously it was something he wanted to do so badly, badly enough that he would forget for moments that Even was with Sonja, but those would loop around.

Ghostcat: And going back to fix them.

odetopsyche: Yes.

Ghostcat: I love that about the character, his willingness to evolve.

odetopsyche: Yes, me too.

Ghostcat: Which you wouldn't expect―how open he is to change given how he starts the season.

odetopsyche: I know. It's quite impressive, in my opinion, how quickly he unravels some of these inner resistances and leaps. I guess being a teenager is like that though. Sometimes you arrive at these cliff sides and you jump with your eyes closed because what else is there to do but grow.

Ghostcat: (btw, I agree with you regarding Even and Sonja―but I suspect that I'll veer into spoiler territory there so I'll come back to this in a future talk back.)

odetopsyche: Totally understandable, I look forward to it :smile:

Ghostcat: What strikes me though, is that when you're a teenager you don't always know growth is happening. Things are happening.

odetopsyche: No, you can't know. We only see it in retrospect, like a holographic sign.

Ghostcat: Yeah, and Isak is introspective.

odetopsyche: But that is why Skam was great, because we as viewers simultaneously could see these moments whilst also being Isak and sharing his experiences.

Ghostcat: We spend a lot of time in SKAM hanging with our mains in silence. When they're in bed or zoning out or whatever. But Isak's alone moments always seem especially active to me. There's a real hum to his brain.

odetopsyche: That was one of my favorite things about Skam; the silence. It sets it apart from many other shows, and most of the remakes. It tells a huge story.

Ghostcat: Yes! The willingness to be quiet, let things take time. Real time.

odetopsyche: It makes the music more important, it gives the acting a lot more space, and we, the audience, are made to wait patiently with our mains and stew with them.

Ghostcat: It's the stewing, ha ha ha. You're really in it with them.

odetopsyche: All of the mains do this well, of course. Tarjei has a very masterful way of expressing the minutiae of his body language for us to see, and that was a delight.

Ghostcat: I can think of so many moments on the show that really stretched out and I actually thought wow, that's a bold use of time there.

odetopsyche: I appreciate especially―not just for it's meme content―the scene where he finishes Romeo + Juliet and lies on his back in silence. This was so relatable.

Ghostcat: That is a wonderful clip.

odetopsyche: It is.

Ghostcat: All he does is watch a movie―"ISAK sits in bed and silently watches Romeo + Juliet." If I read that in a script, I wouldn't think, oh, that's gonna be magic.

odetopsyche: Exactly. I like that it is bold, though, because I can see the style and effort in these purposeful moments and it leaves a specific taste in your mouth.

Ghostcat: I mentioned to you that we were going to touch a bit on the social media content for this week.

odetopsyche: Yes, I went through and re-read them all.

Ghostcat: I must confess that when I first saw this, I was not looking at the social media, but when I went back and read it on the rewatch, I was like damn, they really thought about the build in this episode.

odetopsyche: Indeed.

Ghostcat: There's very little Even in the social media extras and then this week, it explodes! Isak posts Even’s photo on his instagram.

odetopsyche: Honestly, the social media is brilliant here. I think Even's back all of a sudden and it's like a dam being broken. All of a sudden we're in the flood, which is the flood of Even all of a sudden becoming so available to Isak again.

Ghostcat: But even that photo is genius, in terms of character. Even playing a video game.

odetopsyche: Yes!

Ghostcat: Could be just a bro? But then he's wearing Isak’s shirt. (Not a bro?)

odetopsyche: But everyone who is meant to know, knows it's definitely not just a bro. Which is such a statement from Isak.

Ghostcat: Yeah, exactly, it's such a statement and then the building back and forth between Even and Isak, where you realize he pretty much stayed there all week. They don't just go from reunion to hotel.

odetopsyche: Also, the idea that Even's been there all day hanging out, playing video games, and then yes―continues to basically be there all week. Yeah, exactly. It's a build up of Even totally up in Isak's space, literally, mentally, emotionally, just amping it up and up and up. Even is a brilliant character and the way they write him is great because you do just feel everything being supercharged.

Ghostcat: And Eskild takes that photo of them and shares with the kollektiv (with Isak's consent I'm sure because Eskild is very careful with Isak that way) and Isak says don't share it, we're not official or anything. Which made me go, Boooooooy. Even is at your house EVERY DAY. What do you think is happening?

odetopsyche: Which I think matches his inner feelings. In a way we can see Isak's experience of the intensity as a reflection of Even's inner state. Yet, as we see in the group chat with the Kollektiv, there is still some hesitancy of making it  public.

Ghostcat: Yeah, and I thought it was Isak hesitating being out.

odetopsyche: I think it's that, and also, the drama at school about Emma-Even-Sonja-Isak etc.

Ghostcat: And yet... at the hotel, Even introduces him as his boyfriend and Isak posts an insta story right after, a photo of the two of them in their hotel room.

odetopsyche: I know that was so cute. Isak was 'numb with happiness' I CAN'T.

Ghostcat: So any hesitation disappears and really being with Even openly matters more than any other drama.

odetopsyche: You can see, though, those hints of babbling. At the first watch, I thought Even was just being goofy, giddy excited (which he is) because on re-watches I do see it as rambling now.

Ghostcat: He's totally rambling.

odetopsyche: Very friendly, but unusual, given how polite and quiet Isak is. Not the norm here, certainly

Ghostcat: My favorite little bit of acting in that reception scene: Isak's giddy little fist pump.

odetopsyche: Ha ha.

Ghostcat: Like, good job, me! I AM handsome. I did it!

odetopsyche: It's precious.

Ghostcat: It's so goofy and sweet and it's going up against the rambling and the teenager using a credit card to book a hotel suite which is expensive as fuck and what is happening??? There were too many things happening for me to fully sink into worry until of course, they're eating their mini-burgers and drinking their champagne and Even completely stops making sense.

odetopsyche: Yes. That was obviously difficult to watch for me, and also on re-watch. I think it's quite good of HH and his acting was pretty good, as well as the reactions of Isak's face, as he slowly lost confidence that Even was making sense. What was doubling intense were the cross cuts between this scene and them in bed.

Ghostcat: The last time we saw that effect was in season one with Eva and Jonas' break-up and it immediately gives you the sense of this is an important moment.

odetopsyche: Yeah, that was a great scene.

Ghostcat: That is being documented by our main as it's happening, stored and saved for later.

odetopsyche: I will never forget Tarjei's/Isak's head in the bed with half his face obscured and that single bright red cheek.

Ghostcat: Ha ha ha, about that shot.

odetopsyche: Yes. It's a moment.

Ghostcat: My co-mod and I have a joke about TSM only needing one eye to act. Julie Andem likes to frame half his face with a single emoting eye. It happens a lot and in that scene, along with that red, red cheek. It's especially vulnerable. He really does look like he's falling asleep, pure exhaustion and we, as viewers, want him to wake up because the sound design and the black-outs and Even are telling us to brace ourselves.

odetopsyche: Yes. It does. He also just looks like he's been running on pure energy and adrenaline for an entire week.

Ghostcat: He's up in that bathroom building an ODENSVIK bathroom cabinet. I didn't know whether to laugh, scream or run. What is he doing in there and why does it require so much banging???

odetopsyche: I didn't know―the cut shots were brilliant though, and finally you thought―as a viewer―something was about to be revealed. Also keeps us totally within Isak's pov.

Ghostcat: Did you guess? At the time, did you guess? Or had you been spoiled?

odetopsyche: Guess what was going to happen, or why he was acting like that? No, I did not. I really didn't understand as it was happening, I couldn't pause to think, only watch and wait with that same fascination when you're watching a crash about to happen.

Ghostcat: Okay, I know you have time constraints, so I will let you go. We always think it's going to be short and then I start rambling. Forgive me. Before you run, any final thoughts on this episode that we didn't get a chance to discuss?

odetopsyche: Haha, No don't apologise. There's so much to this episode, as a pivotal game-changer, which was equally shocking (and soon I learned, very Skam like) to have an episode like this so late in the season.

Ghostcat: Episode 8. Always a killer.

odetopsyche: I think this episode is obviously so crucial and intense because it both confirms all we wanted all season (and Isak wanted) and also totally brought us down to question everything again. A super high and super low. Of course, we're left with this gut wrenching feeling of him searching the city and panicking, and then the confrontation with Sonja, we really feel Isak's panic. And confusion.

Ghostcat: When she says Even's with the police and Isak gives that big long shaky exhale.

odetopsyche: And thus arrives the full circle of the 'out of the depth' Anonymous city/adulting cold architecture, blue tones of the city's steel and glass, the hotel, and now we're in his murky darkness where you are totally drowning, and you have no idea. Yeah, he's obviously relieved and feels really guilty. Possibly unbearably so.

Ghostcat: Like he saw but refused to see?

odetopsyche: And very out of his depth abruptly at once again. Drowning in it. You remember suddenly that he's a child again when he messages Eskild. (Woops, not sure if that's in this ep or beginning of ep 9...)

Ghostcat: Isak, who questions everyone's motivations seemingly at all times.

odetopsyche: Yes.

Ghostcat: We saw the text, it's okay. The group needed to know Isak got home safe.

odetopsyche: But it's hard to want to question Even's motives when that would mean questioning if he's worthy of something he wants so much. And so Isak doesn't.

Ghostcat: Well, Even's the man of his dreams.

odetopsyche: That's exactly right.

Ghostcat: This episode introduces us fully to Even really and brings up the question of what that means exactly: “The man of your dreams.” What does that even mean? How real is that? How much have you constructed?

odetopsyche: Even materalises so much for Isak, of his feelings, his desires, and that fact that others may desire him too. His real form, too, not his mask, but as a boy-to-be-man attracted to other guys. So how devastating it is to be questioned as real/not real.

Ghostcat: Yeah, he's everything to Isak.

odetopsyche: It really sucks.

Ghostcat: The episode begins (sort of) with that real/not real question. Even questions his own feelings, ones he’s never felt anything like before. “Only you can feel what you feel,” Isak answers. And it ends with Sonja's answer: not real, all those feelings were a "sick idea" and Isak's stricken face.

odetopsyche: What is beautiful though, in my opinion, is that―at least for me―I didn't leave the episode feeling like Even was malicious or shady. I just felt he had secrets, ones he understandably did not reveal. So it's heartbreaking without...breaking our hearts over characters we believe (and want to believe) are redeemable and kind. Which I do feel Even is, regardless of what he did or he did not tell Isak.

Ghostcat: Yeah, especially since it was always posited that, as Jonas said, he was “playing” Isak.

odetopsyche: And I do feel Isak is, regardless of the fact of what happened.

Ghostcat: Oh absolutely. Even wanted to be able to have Isak in his life despite thinking he's the worst thing for him, even if it was for one week, and Isak didn't look too closely. Even though, given his own experience with his mom, he had a growing sense of something being wrong.

odetopsyche: Yes. It would have been very devastating if it turned out Even was a character who did things along the lines of what Eskild was talking about, and that was the big reveal. But instead it's much more personal and traumatic of a reveal for Even, which exposes something about him that he cannot always control, and something he cannot walk away from. So I did really empathize with the MI line, not only because I have my own experiences in relation, but because it wasn't like he could explain everything just for the sake of Isak knowing. But rather there was a deep personal stake in this that he couldn't quite reveal, because it would be a vulnerability you can't return from; only move on from. Does that make sense?

Ghostcat: Makes total sense.

odetopsyche: Yeah.

Ghostcat: It's another starting point. Once that information’s out, you begin again in a world where that is a thing that defines you, something you always have to be aware of. Your partner knows and you know that they know. “We can’t go back,” part two.

odetopsyche: I like these self-invested survival skills of these young characters, they truly feel like teenagers to me. And they were, haha. So I really identified with why neither of them did anything but what they did.

Ghostcat: Yes, absolutely. so relatable. SKAM has plenty of drama but doesn't feel soapy. It has a rawness.

odetopsyche: No, it remains outside of a lot of cliches. Because it utilises the stress of awkwardness, silence, feeling left out, mopiness, rather than drama, constant confrontation, and intense expressions of love etc. So we feel tense despite it not being soapy. You're right, I do have to get going now

Ghostcat: Go go go. Thank you so much for coming by to chat with us! Enjoy your Oslo time. :smile:

odetopsyche: Thank you so much for having me on again, and making me break out of my shell and do this. I hope I answered all your questions. I have been really enjoying reading everything people say.

Ghostcat: We'd love to hear your take. Now go enjoy the freeze!

odetopsyche: Thanks! Ciao babe.

Ghostcat: Chao, as we say in The Motherland.

*

Join us next week to read our talkback with @heihallohadet​ about SKAM episode, 3.9 Det går over and its transcendent final moments.

[jq37]

The Royal Report– A Crown of Candy Ep 2

Ambush on the Sucrosi Road

And we’re back for our first battle episode! Are you feeling trepid my guys, cause I sure am.

You’re Dead and Here’s Your Mini

You’ll remember that, at the end of the episode, the Candia Caravan had stopped in the road because of a fallen tree--the universal fantasy fiction indication for an impending ambush--and Ruby was unceremoniously dropped to zero HP. But don’t worry! Brennan is here with all the missing ceremony at the top of this episode! And by ceremony, I mean we get the most graphic, visceral, bloody description of bodily harm we’ve ever gotten in an episode of D20 as the arrow pierces her neck and she goes unconscious. In her unconscious state, she’s on a trapeze, swinging from one bar to another that seems to be either getting closer or farther away. A voice in the inky black that surrounds her tells her to bring it towards her. We fade out from the vision and that brings us into the combat proper.

So that’s the very chill place this episodes starts.

With Ruby down, everyone else springs into action. Liam does his ranger thing and reveals a hidden enemy--which is like finding a roach in your house: You *know* there’s no such thing as a single roach. Jet tries to snatch Ruby into the carriage but when she loses her grip, she opts to instead threaten Lapin--Heal my sister or I’ll reveal you’re working for the Sugarplum Fairy--and hop on top of the stopped carriage to use herself to shield her sister from any further damage. She also activates the Locket of the Sweetest Heart--a split friendship locket the two of them have which gives advantage on saving throws if the other person is within 5 feet--so she’ll have help on her next death save which happens right away. She gets a success with two 13s, which gives her 1 save, 1 fail (I assume from getting hit by a second arrow--ranged attacks while down count as a fail and melee attacks count as two. Yikes!).

In her mind, Ruby uses Mage Hand to bring the trapeze bar closer to her and, as she does so, she sees a pair of smiling purple eyes and hears a voice say, “You are gifted in the ways of the arcane. It seems that my brother has made quite a family for himself.” Ruby gasps. “Are you my aunt?” The voice tells her to take good care of her bow. She’ll need it.

On Amethar’s turn, he clocks a bunch more hidden archers and hears that they’re speaking Carnish (the meat language) but (and Jet especially notices this because she speaks Carnish) they’re speaking it brokenly and with weird (vaguely French-y) accents. And the arrow that hit Ruby is baconsteel, but the archers look weird. Like, it’s less that they’re made of meat and more like they’re *wearing* meat, and it smells like it’s rotting (which, hey Brennan? Gross). Something’s up.

Amethar, charges out and goes into a rage--pouring cola onto himself and letting the pop rocks of his body explode out (extremely cool flavoring for that), doing 2 points of damage to anyone in the immediate vicinity. Jet, still over Ruby’s unconscious body, narrates this all to her, because Emily Axford never lets a moment for an emotional gut punch go to waste.  

Amethar gets a Nat 20 with his first attack and hits the nearest enemy hard enough to cut through the meat. Underneath, he smells stinking cheese. 

But then, it’s the enemies’ turn and Amethar is absolutely beset. A couple of enemies go after the others’ but five enemies go for him and all hit, bringing him down to less than a third of his HP in one round of combat (down to 10). And they’re not messing around. They are really and truly trying to murder him specifically. 

Thank the Sugarplum Fairy or the Bulb if you prefer that Lapin’s turn is next. He scrambles to the top of the carriage and casts Cure Wounds on Ruby which brings her back to full because first level rogues are so so weak you guys. Lapin goes through the Bulbian motions but Jet, who is closeby, can smell the sugary magic energy from his true patron. She doesn’t much care though since it means Ruby’s back and she promises her silence. Lapin also tosses Amethar a d6 of healing with his bonus action.    

Theobold hits a nat 20 to do a good bit of damage then action surges and casts Compelled Duel with his sword--Battlepop the Broadscicle--to force the Captain of the attackers (who rolls a Nat 1 save) to 1v1 him to take some heat off of the king. 

Ruby and Jet are forced to confront the possibility that Lapin and Theobold might be...cool? Really, all the old dudes this fight are kinda badass--Calroy also hits a nat20 and is kicking ass all fight (also, his pants are on point--I think this is only the second time in d20 pants have ended up being *A Thing* (John Feathers) but that still feels like a lot for *pants*).   

The fight continues! 

Jet fights alongside her super proud dad and does a bunch of damage but doesn’t quite get a killing blow which she blames on Theobold’s refusal to teach her one last episode. The brigands continue to strategically try and take out Amethar and Lapin judiciously uses his precious few heals to let him drop and then bring him back instead of blowing all his heals at once--stressful but effective. Also, Sir Theo comes in clutch and uses his shield--Swirldwarden--to, as a reaction, take one of the attacks that would have F’d him up.

Ruby shoots the leader of the cheese brigands--at this point everyone knows that these are cheese people disguised as meat people--and, spurred on by some new, hazy awareness from her near death experience, uses her once per day grasping arrow (an Arcane Archer ability) to hold the captain in place and make him take damage if he moves. Amethar goes back into a rage after having gone down, teaching us that when he does that, it hits enemies and allies alike. On the baddies’ turn, the captain tries to move and gets obliterated by Ruby’s arrow. This is super clutch, not just because he was going after Amethar, but he also gave +1d4 to all attacks to all of his guys of which there are/were many. 

Amethar goes down again and, on his turn, Lapin heals him, and then wrecks some of the brigands with a very un-Bulbian blast of candy energy, though he continues to insist that it’s all above board. On her turn, Jet gives her half of the locket to her dad in case he drops again (not how it really works since it requires attunement but Brennan allows it this time since it’s her dad). One of the attackers tries to hit Jet but between her once-per-day shield with Flickorice and Theo imposing disadvantage, she’s unscathed. 

Our Daily Bread

You’ll remember from last episode that the caravan was on their way to meet an Imperial escort. Well, they finally show up to help, led by a young Ceresian Centurion Commander (they confirm later it’s the guy they were supposed to have been meeting--Commander Constano Grissini--wonder if him showing up was like an “after x rounds of combat” story event or if it was based on something else). Ruby (very conspicuously) casts Fog Cloud around her dad to try and make it harder for anyone to hit and drop him again. Brennan makes her roll an Insight check and on a 12, tells her nothing which is the most maddening thing a DM can do to you.

With the extra help, they’re able to end the fight pretty quickly after that without any casualties (tiny violins for Brennan because, lbr, the house always eventually wins--it’s only a matter of time before he gets one of them). Theobold wanted to keep one enemy alive for questioning but the Tartguard didn’t quite get the memo and skewered the last guy. Lapin is very suspicious of Grissini but his 23 Insight check tells him this is a straight up guy who would have been ruined if anyone here had died. However, he also notices that Grissini won’t look Ruby in the eye. Calroy quietly comes up to Ruby and tells her that, while she did a good job this fight, things are about to get very complicated and she should be a loooot more careful with any future magic she does. She seems confused by her own abilities and mentions she saw her aunt Lazuli while she was passed out but Calroy shushes her before she says anything else incriminating. It seems we didn’t get the full picture of how frowned upon non-Bulbian magic is outside out Candia. 

Lapin rolls to cover for Ruby with Grissini and says that her magic is Bulbian and Brennan rolls in the Box of Doom to see if he buys it. 10 or higher and he knows something’s up. We don’t get the result (though it *looked* like a 1) but he either buys it or plays along.

Theobald investigates the area (with help from his living sprinkle/dog Sprinkle who I haven’t mentioned before but gives him the help action in battle) but doesn’t find any info they didn't already have. However, he does notice that there aren’t any steeds around, which he interprets to mean they didn’t get there through outlaw means (ie: ride in on your horse, steal a bunch, ride out).  

Calroy pulls aside Lapin and Theobald and says that even though they may have been able to convince Grissini, all of his men also saw Ruby doing forbidden magic and if word gets out it’ll be a problem. They need to make a plan and they need to be very careful about how they tell Amethar because if he finds out they “know how he’ll solve the problem.”

Ominous!      

Things I’m Concerned About

So something I talked about while this episode was happening (and something that Brennan talked about during the talkback afterwards but in slightly different terms) is that the enemy NPC Battle effectiveness has, like, changed from “Saturday Morning Cartoon Minion” to “Art of War Scholar”. No one came into this like, “Let’s have an epic fight!” It was like, “We need to murder one specific guy as quickly as possible.” This isn’t a world where you can spend several rounds trying to jump on tables for cool points. This is a world where you need to be paying full attention even when it’s not your turn and everyone figured that out pretty quick. This is the most tense I��ve ever been during a d20 battle episode and this was only the first one! Amethar--the *Barbarian*--dropped THREE times. He ran out of rages which I didn’t even know was a thing! The fact that everyone made it out of the battle alive was really a miracle! Like, everyone was strategic and played well but if Ruby hadn’t won that Grasping Arrow roll off (Siobhan: I love gambling!), if Lapin hadn’t been perfectly placed in the initiative to feed Amethar heals right after he dropped, if just a couple of things had gone differently, they could have been so screwed. 

Oh, and you know what else? Rezzes don’t exist in this world! Like, I think we all kinda figured but we got confirmation this week on Adventuring Party. It makes total sense. It is absolutely the correct choice for the setting. But, God, does it ratchet up every single round of combat. Every single decision. Every one of Lapin’s limited heals. Like, RIP Zac. What a season to play the party healer. Ally and Lou got off easy. (Note: The Spare the Dying cantrip does exist though at least, which isn’t a powerhouse spell but it’s not nothing).   

I’m concerned about Jet’s flirting! First Thad now this hot Italian breadstick soldier guy? Like, usually I’d be like do you girl but, like, romantic entanglements are a quick way to get in a lot of trouble, up to and including death in a world like this! This is the “actions have consequences” season! 

On the exact opposite end of the spectrum, Liam doesn’t seem to have any interest in romantic entanglements which doesn’t always go over well if you’re a royal. He’s not directly in line for anything important it seems since he had so many older brothers, so maybe he can skate by. But last episode, Caramelinda did seem to be pushing him a little bit in that direction--saying he could get out of exile earlier if he got hitched--and I feel like there’s a good chance this becomes a bigger issue for him.

If we have a false flag attack AND and an attempted assassination in episode TWO, what are we escalating to, huh? Where are we going that that’s where we’re STARTING? 

I could have mentioned this last episode but I’m glad I waited until this episode because it underlines the point even better. I’m *very* concerned about the religious politics of Calorum. In the first episode we got kind of a sense that things were different in Candia versus the rest of the world but this ep it was less of a “sense” and more of a concrete fear that someone was about to start gossiping about having seen Goody Ruby with the devil. And we knew from last episode that Lapin is secretly in league with the Sugarplum Fairy but Brennan used the word heretic in the talkback which feels a *lot* more dire but...yeah, is accurate. Plus, one of the girls’ aunt is St. Citrina, clearly a respected figure in the Bulbian faith, so there’s obviously Lore to unlock there. Look, a lot of going on and none of it feels very chill. Lapin better keep nailing all of his deception checks.  

And, to drill down a little deeper, I’m very concerned that Ruby--who has presumably been told that magic is banned in the rest of the world, decided to illegally cast a spell in front of a ton of people--including Imperials--while loudly shouting “ABRACADABRA!” Like, if her impulse control doesn’t improve, we are gonna have some *issues*. 

You know what I’m concerned about? My continuing relationship with several different food groups if I have to keep hearing graphic descriptions of them fighting each other. I mean, BONES in the CHEESE? *Bones* in the *Cheese*? My forgetting to preheat the oven is the *only* reason I wasn’t eating pizza when I heard that line. And the worst part is, with another DM I’d be like, “They probably didn’t think of the implications.” But this is Brennan so I KNOW he thought of the implications and he was like, “I’M DOING IT ANYWAY.”

Also, while we’re on the implications, I was also concerned--as Theo/Murph was--about Lord Swirly’s (the ice cream Candian) loyalty considering he is dairy (like the cheese brigands) even though he is Candian. Like, there’s a *lot* of overlap in different food types and that feels like it could easily get messy.  

If this fight is an indication, these fights aren’t gonna be balanced to be fair. They’re balanced to be tactically sound--as in, “What would their enemies do to them at this moment?” And, man, I am really dreading the inevitable moment they get hit when they’re down for the first time. Having to start a fight already down to one third of your HP and having already burned through most of your spell slots is so demoralizing but you know it’s gotta happen!  

I share Zac’s concerns about their Imperial allies. When he said, “This is Games of Thrones. It doesn’t mean anything,” I felt that. 

I was reminded of a scene in the trailer which shows what looks to be the PCs in a freezer and now I’m just full of questions like is a freezer a part of a fridge or its own thing? Is it Calorum or is that like the upper part of the map that cuts off? Is it a death-y no man’s land? What’s going on?

So the toughest prof I've ever had was my Constitutional Law professor my 1L year of Law School. She's probably the smartest person I've ever met and so supportive but also super scary. What you need to know about law school grades to understand this story is that they're fake so a B- is like a hard C, a C is like a D, and a D means your professor wants you to die. A professor has to fill out paperwork and justify giving you a D at my school. So we heard a rumor that this professor gave one of her students a D and we were like, "Oh man, even she wouldn't...would she?" So, one day--I think at some kind of event, we're all chilling and we're like, "Professor! Did you *really* give a student a D last year." And she turns to us, glint in her eye, and says, "Who said I only gave out one?" Chills. Absolute chills. Anyway, that is all to say, I'm very much feeling shades of that conversation right now. "Brennan, did you really kill a PC this season?" *Anime Glasses Flash* "Who said I only killed one?"

Lingering Questions

Theobald is an Eldritch Knight, not a Paladin. So he has some magic, but it wouldn’t be Bulbian (unless Brennan flavored it that way). Is he also doing arcane magic on the down low or is there some other mechanism for that? (Sidenote: Glad the cast made the gummi berry juice joke when Murph cast Jump on Amethar so I didn’t have to.) If he is, gotta say, hiding it *way* better than the others. 

Curious about exactly what Liam’s favored enemy is. Cause he was getting the bonus for that during this fight but was it because they were bandits or cheese people or archers or what?

Another quick holdover from last episode: Sir Theo rolled a deception check last ep against Ruby's insight upon seeing the princesses training with their new weapons (Theo won with a 19 to her 17) and Brennan gave us no information so it’s like, what was their deal? Past relationship? Past magical relationship (see first point)? Just concerned Ruby is gonna do something stupid with a magic bow in the world where magic is banned?

Five Six More Things

OK, let’s get the most important thing out of the way...my Candysona would be a Mint Chocolate divine soul sorcerer librarian/researcher. I’m sure ALL of you were wondering.

I really wanna give it up for the crew this episode! The battle set was amazing and the music was so good! Especially Ruby’s quirky circus-y theme. Loved that! Oh and the overlay of all the magical items was very helpful. (Side note: It’s all on the wiki if you wanna see it--I’d link it but tumblr hates when I do that. EDIT: @cloudmancy actually wrote them all up here too so here’s the link). 

There was no way Brennan could have known that Ruby was going to drop immediately when he initially planned the session but using that as kind of a vision quest moment to unlock her magic which she starts fully using after that point for the first time was a very clutch story choice for them.

Murph and Emily sitting next to each other this season is a *gift*.

I cannot imagine having the gall to play a level 1 magic rogue in a world where magic is illegal, people who can hit for more than my hit point total 100% want me dead, and rezzes don’t exist. What a choice. 

If one twin dies...and they have to decide...what to do with the other half of that locket...Brennan…

Housekeeping

Brennan is doing an Answer Time here on tumblr! Get your questions in before the 25th!

Not strictly D20 related but Brennan is also DMing a D&D game with some actual play vets and their kids! Check it out here! 

I can’t believe I failed my word count limit two episodes in on a battle episode that I only had 3 pages of notes for. Bold of me to assume I could tamp down on me. But, plus side, Brennan did say I was valid on stream last week, so I’m gonna say these two things cancel each other out and I am in the clear. 

[sonseulsoleil]

some stuff from meeting Will Roland (and also his performance): 

So, there was the actual show, which was mostly him singing, then a talkback with Will and the director of the show, and a moderator, and then he signed stuff and took pictures 

okay, listen, this man can SING his ass off and he is severely underutilized in Dear Evan Hansen 

The show itself is, unlike a usual cabaret, which has a lot of smaller stories packed into it, is the story of one man’s life, a nameless character, and it’s told through words and song 

It was both emotional and hilarious and Will Roland is incredible 

His girlfriend, Stephanie, was there in the audience, which I thought was really sweet and adorable

He came prepared with his own sharpie (even though the signing thing was not technically part of the event) 

He said that he actually wasn’t sure he was allowed to perform Goin’ Viral, so I don’t think it’s the mystery, never heard before DEH song that he’s performing...Unless he was just trying to throw us off 

His bowling high score is 164 

Apparently, he was wearing the same jacket that he wore to the Grammys: “oh by the way, Will won a grammy a couple of weeks ago” 

The director of the show helped him pick out said jacket, “and some credit is due to my amazing girlfriend, Stephanie, who’s here tonight” 

During the talkback, Joe Iconis came up a lot (bc Will sang quite a few Joe Iconis tunes), and they mentioned the “underground, and terrifying internet fandom for Joe Iconis’ work” and that was absolutely 100% about the Be More Chill fandom

When we came up to meet him, I complimented him on the enamel rocketship pin he wore on his lapel and he was kind of surprised 

friendlyneighborhoodpagan asked which of our phones we should use for the picture and I said “yours because mine is still off” and he was like “thank you so much for turning your phone off before the show, seriously, thank you” super genuinely

I told him that Dear Evan Hansen is really important to me, and that I really love him and the way he said thank you made it seem like it actually meant something to him, even though I’m sure he hears that stuff all the time. I hope that it still means something to him, when he hears it. 

Anyways everything was wonderful and amazing and I’m still in shock 

[hadmysushi-blog]

hey i just got back from seeing be more chill @ the strand in lakewood nj and i have to make this post because hoo nelly that was... one of the most stressful shows ive ever been to

now lemme preface my explanation with this:

the show was great! exit 82 did a great job, props to the cast for such a massively successful run orchestrated by a troupe of talented individuals. they ran a fantastic show and you can tell they all really enjoyed the material they were working with. the portrayals were all true to the original work while adding their own little flairs and traits to the characters, played by some really outstanding actors. they played the parts with heart and passion that i really loved watching and im glad they brought this show back and that i got to go see it and be a part of that. it was really special, and the strand was a beautiful theatre. i work in a theatre in new jersey myself (similar era, capacity, & construction) and not gonna lie, i was partly jealous of the architecture and design. really a beautiful building, beautiful auditorium, beautiful design. v impressed, would definitely see this cast and attend that theatre again.

but heres whats not cool:

the amount of Fandom that was present there.

im passionate about the show, too. i fucking adore it, thats why i traveled halfway across my state in subfreezing temperatures to see it. ive listened to it countless times, this musical is fucking great. i get it.

but what i just watched happen in that threatre was not okay

the amount of shrill, ear piercing screaming that happened after every musical number. as a theatre kid and employee, lemme tell you, that was not okay. that’s not what you do. in drama, in theatre, in choir, they tell you one thing over and over: don’t applaud til the musical number is done. dont shout. dont disrespect the performer(s) or the audience. the applause should compliment the program, not distract from it.

after every song, the entire audience would scream. theyd interrupt musical numbers with bouts of screaming and applause. it actually LEGITIMATELY HURT my ears and thank god my (equally mortified) best friend was sitting to my left or other boTH my eardrums might be fucking numb right now. thats not cool. thats not the etiquette. thats just not how we do it.

now dont get me wrong, i can understand cheering for certain things, when your favorite character takes the stage the FIRST time (not EVERY TIME) or after major important musical numbers or solos (more than survive) but screaming every time a character (coughMICHAELcough) shows up or after every single song or even 1-refrain reprises? literally screaming yourself shrill at top volume? 

like i dont know whats worse, how disrespectful it is to the actors when you scream over their dialog, or how inconsiderate it is to your fellow theatre goer to scream in their ear

dont get me wrong, im not trying to shame or embarrass anyone who was at the show tonight (uhhhhhhh sup) but jesus christ, i just cant believe i even have to say it? like “Don’t Yell During a Musical” its pretty, like its common sense.

i get that you’re excited. me too!! i was SUPER excited to see this show. but yknow what? it got to the point where a couple seconds before the end of a song, i would cover my ears. i dreaded certain musical numbers or lines, because i know they would incite thunderous roars from the gallery. i couldnt really relax or ENJOY the show because the crowd literally MADE MY EARS HURT. i was WAITING for it to be over so i could LEAVE and be out of that environment

thats not cool. everyone was seeing it for the first time just as you were and you took it away from being about the musical and made it all about you. this theatre has like 1,020 seats. one Thousand other people besides you were seeing that musical for the FIRST TIME. when you act like that? you disrespect your fellow fans and thats not cool. we’re all trying to enjoy ourselves. not screaming wouldnt have ruined the show for you, while screaming effects those around you. this isn’t a fucking concert. this is a theatre performance. like.. theres no getting around saying it, however pretentious it sounds: theres a goddamn level of tact.

i have a headache now. im high, and i still have this fucking headache.

also like hey can we just like. leave some fandom shit at the door? like.. cosplay okay i wasnt thrilled about but thats just some “euugh cant we pretend to be normies for one night” level of shit, but like, so they had a (??)twitter(???i guess?) hashtag livefeed and yknow it just.. it woulda been really nice to see shit like “break a leg, exit 82!” or “clap if you love joe iconis!!” or something instead of shit like... “boyf riends is canon,” “clap if youre gay,” and george salazar memes. and the fan favoritism and coddling of michael was just way too over the top. like hey dont get me wrong i fucking love michael mell (i mean... clearly) but jesus christ. spread the love around guys. we’re lucky enough to have a multifaceted cast with not one unlikable character. 

like speaking of which, tomorrow theres a talkback? with original cast members and iconis? and i have fear for that event. i was gonna go! i was thinking about going to see tomorrows matinee and attend the talkback, not doing that now. so glad i didnt buy tickets to the party. i was gonna get a motel about it and i LITERALLY went the 60 miles back home. just got in the car and drove.

man that was stressful. that hurt. i really wanted to have a fun night but some fans just.. had to make it all about them, and that really sucked. 

so if you’re going tomorrow? could you please do your neighbor a courtesy and just... be quiet? so hopefully someone can have a better experience than we did. thanks

[jeremystrele]

A Day In The Life Of Annie Portelli, TDF’s Art Director

A Day In The Life Of Annie Portelli, TDF’s Art Director

A Day In The Life

by Sally Tabart

TDFs art director, Annie Portelli! Photo – Amelia Stanwix.

Every morning Annie walks or rides through the Melbourne’s Carlton Gardens to get to work. Photo – Amelia Stanwix.

On her 40-minute daily commute, Annie chats to her mum. Photo – Amelia Stanwix.

Stopping off at our favourite local cafe, Burnside, for a morning coffee. Photo – Amelia Stanwix.

As art director, Annie is responsible for almost everything visual at TDF. Photo – Amelia Stanwix.

The desk of an art director! Photo – Amelia Stanwix.

Annie in the TDF office. Photo – Amelia Stanwix.

Working on a storyboard for a client project. Photo – Amelia Stanwix.

It’s no secret that everyone in the TDF office has a crush on our art director, Annie Portelli. It’s hard to go a day around here without someone asking where she got her shoes, how she made that delectable-looking meal last night, or which picture-perfect camping spot she spent her weekend at.

But although she makes it all look rather effortless, under the surface, Annie works insanely hard for all of these things. Routine, time management and forward planning are a central part of Annie’s approach to work and life. Her partner Simon even coined the nickname ‘Plannie Portelli’ on account of Annie’s rigorous list-making ! ��I write them for everything and anything, and not necessarily to ‘tick things off’ but more so just to get things out of my brain’, Annie says.

Every day is different for Annie, and her workload can be intense – but she always finds a little moment for herself in each day.  Today we’re following her on a typical day… hoping some of that Portelli magic might rub off!

FIRST THING

My body wakes up at 6.00am. I can’t seem to break the early bird habit!

First things first: I switch on the radio. I’ve always had a portable radio within arms reach of my bed since I moved out of my family home. It started off as a nostalgic thing to hear the ABC pre-news orchestra blast out of a crackly radio each morning, like a soundbite of my childhood – but now it’s just how I get my daily news.

I have also recently started getting into boxing classes before work (6.00am class means 5.15am wake up, two to three days a week). It’s a pretty intense way to start your day, but by 9.00am you totally forget it even happened… until you lift the kettle to make your tea, and you have sudden flashbacks to the drop sets that morning!

In the morning I am at my peak of productivity and enthusiasm, often much to my partner’s dismay. Imagine living with someone who bursts out of bed, blasts the talkback radio, vacuums the entire apartment, waters the garden and sometimes re-arranges the house – all before 8:00am?! It’s a Portelli thing, I think I’m stuck with it for life.

MORNING

I ride or walk to work most mornings. It takes me about 40mins door-to-door so usually, I pop my headphones in and call my Mum – every day! We talk about anything and everything that’s been going on since the day before. You’d be surprised what we can cover. She’s usually on the other line walking our dog back at our family home so we ‘do our walk together’ which I find sweet.

Once I get to Gertrude street, Mum wishes me a nice day, and I step into my local favourite cafe of all time, Burnside, and say hi to Jona and the crew who have been serving me coffee and the occasional muffin since my first day at TDF five years ago!

Once I arrive at work, we usually spend the first 10 mins (or half an hour) or so gasbagging about our evenings, before putting our headphones on, our heads down and getting on with the day ahead.

LUNCHTIME

Sometimes lunch breaks are outside, some are at my desk – it really depends on what’s going on in the land of TDF. We have some weeks that are non-stop where we’re all deep in the midst of a campaign roll out or event planning, and sometimes it’s more chill and I’ll take myself for a little walk down Smith Street and inevitably bump into a friend or two.

On days where I’m out shooting homes with one of our photographers, lunch breaks are a gamble. Sometimes we have time to sit down with the homeowner and eat lunch together, and other times we’re racing to the next house with our snack packs under arm, eating on the go. It’s all part of the fun!

AFTERNOON

When I’m in the office, my responsibilities are mainly based around our large, long lead projects such as Open House, TDF Design Awards, TDF Collect exhibitions, or any big styled shoots or events that we have on the go. So I am constantly working on a couple of things at once, depending on priorities and deadlines.

Time management is absolutely crucial, I usually work back from a monthly plan or timeline, and break it down into bite-sized pieces to ensure I’m chipping away at the big picture projects.

On days where I’m out of the office, I’m with one of our talented photographers shooting our beloved weekly homes. I could be anywhere from Mt Macedon, to Warrandyte to Armadale or Collingwood. We photograph two houses in one day. Those days are usually long, but fast, and are often my favourite days! 

EVENING

I don’t often bring my ‘work home with me’. I hear of people doing this all the time, but even when there is lots going on, I’ve usually been thinking about it all day, so I try really hard to stop my brain from thinking about it when I leave the office.

LAST THING

I usually aim to get into bed at around 11:00pm. Generally, I can quite easily run off very little sleep. I am sure one day it will all catch up to me, but I’ll try and get away with it for as long as I can.

Annie shooting a home with our amazing photographer, Amelia. Photo – Amelia Stanwix.

Annie styling on a home shoot (this is a special sneak peek of a beautiful home coming up in the next few weeks!). Photo – Amelia Stanwix.

Right now I’m listening to/watching/reading…

Watching: CHEER on Netflix – I’m so into this!

Listening: The New Yorker Fiction Podcast

Reading: Normal People by Sally Rooney (aren’t we all)

One important thing I do every day is…

Can I make it two important things?

1. Gotta make the bed – a made bed makes me feel like I’ve got my sh*t together, so I can’t leave the house without having this done! 

2. Every day, I try to squeeze in an ‘Annie moment’, whether it’s on my walk home from work, or during my lunch break, or whenever. A moment where I don’t speak to anyone, or listen to anything, just hang out alone in my brain. I only need 20 minutes or so. Just a moment of peace, think about nothing necessarily. But it’s an important moment.

I get my best work done when…

There is lots to do, the deadline is near and we’re all working together towards a big, exciting goal!

A philosophy I live and work by is…

When you’re at work – work hard. When you’re not at work – do something totally different, take yourself out of the city for the weekend, go for a hike, swim in a beach, go somewhere where there is no reception if you have to!

My productivity tip/tool is…

Manage your time! There’s nothing worse than feeling overwhelmed by a looming deadline (or several) that you don’t feel on top of. Make detailed timelines, lists, have a strong understanding of what the end goal is, and how you can work together to achieve it.

We’re often working towards 2 or 3 major events a year, which we are all involved in at different points throughout. That’s on top of our daily content, our weekly shoots, our monthly events. In order to drive this huge ship with ease, we all need to understand our role within each project, and manage our time leading up to it. When one person is stressed out, we all feel stressed out. We’re all about the shared Google sheets and multiple Slack channels here at TDF!

Something I learned the hard way is…

I still doubt myself every day, and that’s ok. I am learning every day. There is nothing more terrifying to me than a self-assured 27-year-old who has already mastered the ropes of the world, and seems to have nothing left to learn! I can only hope that I continue to doubt, and question myself everyday because so far, that’s all I know. And I think it’s working! 

[boyf--riends]

this is the first 20 or so minutes of the talkback from the closing night of Be More Chill! sorry if you can hear the people around me talking or if the people on stage sound too quiet, i’ll try and type out all questions and answers later!