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solasulad · 6 years ago

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Should I Feel Like This?

Ive put off writing for a bit.. My brains all over the place Like I do things to myself unknowingly realizing what the out come is. Last week Tuesday October 9th I went out to shisha with a girl friend. Ended off dropping her off at her place mad early like always and decided I still had time to kill before going home. So messages hermit. He was in my area watching a movie at the theatre.. said he’d leave the theatre to come see me and “hang” but I was kinda 50/50 on that. So he said come pull up and i did. Got in my car and we drove over to another fucking city within the region to get his car.

A total of 15-20 minutes on the highway knowing I only have my roads permit. During the car ride we were talking like saying we could’ve slept sooner back then but we both kinda didn’t think of it. He wasn’t feeling me and I wasn’t feeling him we where just friends. Could’ve pulled a move on him back in 2017 summer when we went to a club together and danced but after that we just went our separate ways.

Get to his car and we drive off to another location that’s empty.

We start making out and I’m now self-conscious because I have bath breath....

Me make out and he’s so aggressive mad aggressive like I’ve never seen. Biting my neck and nipples kissing me hard all over my body. I go down to give him head and he’s trying to get me to deep throat something I’ve never done before!!!! And his dicks already huge as fuck too. I tell him I can’t and he still continues to push my head down hurting me I couldn’t breathe. I look up at him and say I give up tapping out and he’s like “you’re not a freak like you said you where” I gave up. I get on top and slowly put his dick in me and I already felt the pain! I move in motion by my self and start screaming scratching him. About maybe 4 minutes in he pulls me off throwing me to the side and takes the condom off. I look at him like did you come? And he’s like no. So I said why’d you stop??? He’s like I’m hurting you. I said no!!! Wth why it was good why’d you stop. As he’s still taking the condom off I just look at him confused. He takes it off and steps out side still hard. I’m like your still hard wth? He’s like I’m 24 I can turn it off basically... I get quite. I fix myself my make up a mess, black tears on my cheeks from the mascara.

Tryna wipe it off putting myself together before he comes back in the car. I get dressed and just sit there confused.

As we drove back to my car he’s like “I normally had sex with older women”.. yah that makes sense... those women know what their doing.. so then he says tbh your soft, I would’ve hurt you. I’m like oh wow okay. Thanks I guess. So I say yah I guess I normally have a fuck buddy and his isn’t big as yours. Yours probably would stretch me out... I leave the car telling him I’m gonna hit up my fuck buddy and fulfil the rest of my night.

Well that’s that. I’m apparently soft. Been texting has continually to show him I here because I felt this vibe he’s been dealing with some shit and he called and cleared that up with me maybe last weekend of last week. Come to Wednesday night I stay in and keep it simple. Has called me during the afternoon but I felt a bit sick and just woke up conversation felt weird.

Thursday night I go into work. Get off Friday morning and text has and mo”de the same message “good morning” Mo’de responds back has doesn’t. Saturday I get off at 12pm and sleep for a bit Around 10pm ish I get a call from has telling me he fixed his car and that things are kinda okay now. I’m still showing him support also giving him a positive image and advice. I still text mo’de kinda on and off at this point. While still texting my neighbour about linking up so he could eat me out tehehe. Sunday afternoon I go into work get off at 12am and get a call from has around 1am. Prior to that when I was driving home I felt all sad. Like with all of these guys. I felt sad that when they’d ask me what was up I’d say nothing when in reality so much was going on. That I’ve built walls around myself and no one even notices. I kinda wished they cared more but I can’t change how they want to treat me. Come to a conclusion that I’d have to end one of the situationship I have going on with either mo’de or has. It’s tough cause they both told me not to leave them. But there i go Tryna make something that’s nothing into something. Even tryna plan things together outside of our regular day to day lives. So I said I’ll give it time and know my worth with these guys. So I get a call around 1am from has.. and I ignore it. I then get a follow up text message maybe 20 mins later stating that he has love and respect for me but he can’t see this going anywhere. Told me that he doesnt want to hurt my feelings and I can have a good life.

I read that messages and cried. I cried but laughed at myself. I wrote back saying I was trying but I get it hope he finds happiness and a peace in the near by future. I could’ve wished hell on him but I just couldn’t. I’m not like that. It’s all a whatever to me. I place myself in these situations but at least this time I was making use of it. Getting dicked down by other niggahs while claiming I was innocent and pure. Ha I’m living in my karma can’t blame myself. But I get it, felt that disconnection too. I’m not crying my eyes out like he probably thinks I am. I’m unfazed at this point I get it we didn’t connect I seen it with my eyes but it would’ve been fun to have fun with him. But it’s all good. That happened Sunday night. Monday came and I kept re-reading the text message. Like okay it was real.

Tuesday I went out shisha and more shisha posted snaps and insta video seen he still follows me confused like you think I’m gonna unfollow you nah niggah you’re gonna watch me post my snaps and vids see me all unfazed and Shit like you thought wrong bitch.

Wednesday night I stay in. Talked to mo’de via text like always talking about he wants to come to mtl with me on my bday weekend. Uhm I’ll think about it. Thursday night aka now at work We still talking told him my bro’s getting married to that girl he said he knew wanting to know any info on her. Then tonight he hits me up with that “when can I see you 🙄” asked why the face said it’s been too long. Yah you made it that why duh. But told him I’m mostly working weekends and that I chose that shift cause I don’t do shit on weekends. He replied back like our schedules don’t match but blah blah blah.

I don’t even see myself with him either. If anything he was the first on my list to cut off. Physically I’m not attracted to him, mentally we don’t connect he’s an air head and doesn’t show me any love that I need. Last we went out was the night before I went to Miami July.. then I last seen him was when we linked up last week of August.. then the whole shisha spot incident.... he messaged me like a week and a half later tryna see me. But it’s just so bad. I gave up on trying with him. He hurts me like the efforts I put in I don’t want that kinda hurt again.

If we link up we link up, but I’m not gonna settle for a car convo unless I’m cutting him off. And as stupid as I may sound... winters just around the corner. I might want his company but we’ll see what happens.

So i’m apparently soft, unattractive and not worthy of seeing.

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shamelessmilkshakepanda-blog · 6 years ago

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I'm a confused soon-to-be licensed driver. My mom just got my sister (who is 18) some type of insurance for driving. From what I know, it's expensive. But I know that our car has insurance. What kind of insurance did my sister possibly get and how does it differ from the insurance for the car itself? Is there personal insurance for each driver? Is it required or is the car insurance only the main requirement? Which type of car insurance/s is required???...(sorry if my question doesn't make sense. I dont know how else to word it lol)""

Short term car insurance for foreign visitors?

Me and a few guys (UK citizens) are planning on coming to the US and driving East to West over a few months. We are thinking of buying a car and then selling it before we leave. Is it possible to get short term car insurance for this amount of time? Keeping in mind that we are not from US also? thanks

How much will my car insurance go up?

I already pay $270 a month for car insurance for my truck. If I were to buy a 1992 Jeep Wrangler, how much more will it go up?""

Cheap insurance for new drivers?

Low premiums, Cheap Car insurance, Savings""

Free or inexpensive health care?

I dont qualify for medicaid and my job doesnt offer insurance...where can i get some good coverage for cheap?

""I just got married, does my parents health insurance still cover me?""

I got married on the 5th of december of 2010, neither my husband or I has health insurance through our work, and neither of us are still attending college, I know they have made a lot of changes with Health insurance lately and I have a prescription that usually costs about $200/month, but with the Insurance it is only $15, I stumbled upon a website that says I can still be considered a dependent even if I am married, since my job doesn't offer Health plans, but it doesn't say anything about being married in the middle of the insurance plan year (starts and ends in August). The website is http://quinnscommentary.com/2010/03/24/no-child-left-behind-big-changes-for-employers-and-employees-as-adult-children-remain-in-health-plans/ If anyone can dicipher if it does in fact state anything about being married within the insured year, or if you know of any other websites, or anything about how marriage affects health insurance with all the new plans and Amendments to those plans. Any and all help will be greatly appreciated!""

Will my car / auto insurance increase?

My boyfriend was driving my car and was clocked (in the City of Stone Mountain) driving 26 over (51 in a 25 zone). Will this cause my car insurance rates to increase?

Need to find homeowners insurance?

Have pit bull trying to find homeowners insurance that will allow me to keep my dog

Gap insurance on new auto?

what is the cost for gap insurance for honda acord 4 door sedan 06 year

How much is it for car insurance for a 17 year old in long island new york?

my mom had a 2002 honda accord that she just bought a week ago and we need to get it insured but she doesnt have a permit or licence bc her permit has expired in the year of 2010 , so now what she wants to do is, get a car insurance under my name . im going to be 18 in early june . and i have my permit .""

Insurance question for monthly cost for 2 people.?

Does anyone have a ballpark idea of what an insurance plan would cost (monthly) for 2 people in their early 60's?

How do I help families not see life insurance?

How do I help families not see life insurance as a bill but rather protection for their family? I am on a crusade to help families become properly protected (create an immediate estate) in case of a loved ones untimely death. Of lately, prospects see life insurance as another bill. Although it is; can any life insurance agent please share with me how they get around to making sales in the life insurance industry? Thank you.""

Does insurance go up for out of state speeding ticket?

I hae a New York drivers license, i was pulled over going 45 in a 30.....$150 ticket....................i looked it up and i know i do not get points on my record, but does my insurance go up? does anyone knoow and have a good source they can provide? Thanks""

Does adding additional drivers reduce insurance?

if you add a parent as an additional driver on a car insurance quote, will it reduce the cost of the quote?""

Do red light camera tickets increase your insurance rates?

Do they go on your driving record and increase your insurance rates or do you just have to pay the fine and that's all there is to it? I live in Washington State.

What is the average Car insurance cost a year in Canada?

What is the price range for insurance on a 07 mustang premium v6?

I am 20, I live in AL. no accidents or violations. I want prices or estimates please, not what I should consider n etc... Thank u""

insurance quote software engine

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/aviva-health-insurance-quote-geoffrey-kent/"

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