#bc you can't die or kill people in this game so u have to take things the long way (was so used to being able to kill people in rpgs)

[happy10thousandyears]

Also obligatory trigger warning for anyone that follows me that's curious about DoL (degrees of lewd!ty) it's like a r18 text based rpg happening in a town (affected by supernatural evil??) where people have an abnormal desire to do sexual activities (including sexually assault the player character)

[sapphim]

Dragon Age reverse unpopular opinion things I'd love to see u talk about:

- depictions of Tevinter so far

- Hawke sibling death(s) (scene, story beat, later handling, whatever you feel led to talk about)

- high dragons in all 3 games

- favorite codex entries

- Thedosian food/drink (I have opinions about this so I love reading other people's)

depictions of tevinter - I don't really know that I've seen enough of tevinter depicted to have formed an opinion? I haven't been keeping up with supplementary material, fwiw

hawke sibling death scenes - I think their deaths in the deep roads are the good sort of impactful because 1) you actually know them as characters by that point and 2) you're being punished for meaningful decision points that you didn't know would lead to their deaths but like... in retrospect yeah, taking your sibling on the dangerous expedition, not taking the warden on the dangerous expedition, tragedy is kind of fair play, there. the prologue fails on both counts here, but I think the deep roads was implemented well. ofc this goes out the door on follow-up playthroughs or if you've got the wiki open in another tab but I love when something terrible happens and you look back over your choices and say "ok yeah I didn't see that coming, but I probably could have"

high dragons - idk if the "kill 10 high dragons" sidequest in inquisition Was Actually a reaction to all the "if this is dragon age then where are all the dragons" jokes but it feels like it was. and if so, that's funny. like they had to fill their semi-open world with something and they were like. fine. ykw, fuck it. have all the dragons you could possibly want. you dicks. tell us there are no dragons in our dragon age game this time. you can't. I hope that's how that played out.

and like there were already like three major high dragon fights in origins—the archdemon, flemeth, and best girl andraste—so like. objectively there were dragons.

speaking of best girl andraste I loveeeee high dragon reaver cults. the concept is soooo sexy to me.

codex entries - I love the idea of codex entries fr fr. one of the biggest strengths of origins from the beginning, imo, was the decision to drop so much lore and all of it from biased in-world perspectives. mass effect's codex never clicked for me but I devoured every scrap of paper in origins. the lore attached to items made them feel distinct and meaningful, as well.

as for specific favorite entries, idkkk, it's been a while. I will say that nothing has stuck with me like the descent's darkspawn emissary has. fucked up if true. oh and also the one about the darkspawn magister eating the other. fucked up if true

thedosian food and drink - this answer is gonna sound like a cop-out. and it is! but the only opinion I have on food in thedas, which I am going to share here regardless of whether it's on topic (it isn't) is that free marchers have cheese rolling events. like at their grand tourney and shit. and I mostly have this opinion because it is very funny to imagine various fereldans reacting to this discovery. but also bc it is very funny to imagine varric tumbling ass-over-teakettle down a hill alongside a giant wheel of cheese if he ever elected to participate in this fine marcher tradition. there that's my food opinion.

[reverse unpopular opinion - send me a topic and I’ll say what I like about it (or die trying)]

[waterloggedsoliloquy]

see i take "doomed by the narrative" to mean a character who is doomed (either dead or stagnant with no hope of any trajectory) by the narrative (the nature of the work existing as a story puts unique pressure/limitations on the characters through the medium of choice, where the fact that its a story with a weaker fourth wall is a deliberate choice). Doomed by the narrative meaning the constraints of narrative/genre/medium actively prevent the character from getting out of a cul de sac, and the character pushing against this metatextual boundary is part of the conflict and futility of the exercize. but i see "doomed by the narrative" applied to characters who dont die, break free from their constraints, or go stagnant at all, let alone in metatextual fashions.

what i mean is like. truman and utena are doomed by the narrative in the sense that the narrative is an oppressive force that has put them in a lose-lose situation, no matter how much they object, and the only move left for them is to exit their respective stories. the only things left for them in the narrative are death, or playing by the rules and stagnating. so they bring the curtain down. this is also the intended functions of the truman show and of RGU, to deliberately invoke the fact that the world is a closed narrative and not let you-- the viewer-- forget it, in order to make a point, or a lot of points. The Truman Show and RGU categorically can't be interacted with an audience looking for an experience where they can be sufficiently immersed into a story that they don't need to think about it as something someone else made. (Tangentially, i feel like a lot of shallow criticisms of virtually anything could be remedied by reminding them that the works they complain about were created on purpose by real living people and did not spring fully flawed out of the void.) Thats not to say that kind of story or audience is wrong-- there are countless stories that work better without the looming reminder of fictionalization hanging over someone's head. But it's just-- ugh, you get me. onto another example.

Antigone is doomed by the narrative because the complicated poetry of her small world is of the understanding that this is a tragedy, and the hero of a tragedy must die, no matter how much they try to fight it. The laws of her world are defined entirely amd immutably by the genre it takes place in. The characters implicutly know this. The best thing she can do is die on her own terms. No matter how many times the play is put on, the end result is the same. The characters of the world of OFF are doomed by the narrative because OFF is painfully aware that it is a video game, and many of the characters know it, or at least they know there is a higher power watching it spool out. And if you are an adversary in an RPG standing between the protagonist and his progression, there is only one end for you, and its your HP reaching zero. Finishing OFF means finishing them off. The game has multiple endings but to even get to the end you gotta kill basically everyone. By then its too late. There is not a circumstance where these characters survive bc the rule of the medium does not permit it. This is the category of fridged women.

As for stagnation this is for characters that are by edict of the limits of the narrative are neither permitted to die nor improve their situation nor even leave. They have reached a point of no return. This may or may not be their fault. I think this is a pretty rare character type. Creon also from antigone goes here. Zacharie, also from OFF. Any protagonist of an abandoned webcomic lol. WD Gaster.

i just feel like if ur gonna talk abt a character who is doomed u better actually mean a character who, no matter how many times you reroll the dice, is going to be irreparably fucked. And if its at the hands of a narrative you better mean its at the hands of the narrative, and that its part of the point, an active pressure and limiter.

[snobgoblin]

ok I wanna talk about the cave a little bit

so these are the characters pictured above are the Monk, the Adventurer, the Hillbilly, the Scientist, the Twins, the Knight, and the Time Traveler

this won't be a smart analysis or anything just basically reminiscing over things I remember about the game

ok so my favorite characters were always the Hillbilly, Time Traveler, and Twins- and actually I didn't remember the Monk AT ALL. like I could've sworn he wasn't in the wii u version but he was. I'm assuming either his route was so easy I don't remember it or so hard I never finished it but in any case I don't think I played as him much. I don't remember the scientists route either I never really liked her. BUT I DO REMEMBER THE ADVENTURERS ROUTE BECAUSE IT TOOK ME DAYS TO SOLVE A SINGULAR PUZZLE IT WAS SO FRUSTRATING her level is very very hard. so is the Time Traveler's but at least hers is actually fun and has a change of scenery, the Adventurer's just has you stuck in a pyramid the whole time 😭

anyway as for the knight I actually don't really remember his route that much either, I think there was a princess who was really bratty and I think he fought a dragon. idk I just know his ability was that he was immune to fire

ok yeah I don't remember most of their abilities so I won't elaborate on them but I WILL elaborate on my favorites aka the ones I actually remember because I care about them

ALSO SIDE NOTE but the cave himself is a really good character- man all the characters with voice lines are just so damn funny but him especially he's just an asshole tutorial guy

ANYWAY the Hillbilly's ability is that he can hold his breath for a long time

and why these abilities are important is because, you choose three characters every game to play as and depending on the combination you may be able to unlock secret things for each route. for instance I think I remember a part in the Knight's route where only the Hillbilly can access a part of the cave because he's the only one who can hold his breath that long, stuff like that you know. it's a very puzzle driven game and your character choice really matters a lot. anyway the Hillbilly's story is I think he was working at the carnival, he wanted to impress this girl, but she was mean to him, so he burned the whole carnival down with him in it

OH YEAH did I mention all the characters are dead. yes the cave is their journey to the afterlife and them making peace with all the wrongs they did in their life, and they all have wrongs. for instance, the Twins killed their parents because they were tired of being told what to do (they had very loving parents...) and it is implied that the Twins ended up dying on the streets because of this. their story takes place in Victorian times and basically the whole puzzle is just fix the house a little so you can put rat poison in the soup WAIT NO I JUST REMEMBERED they didn't die on the street- the narrator said "they would find their life would be a whole lot harder from this point on" but they didn't actually get to see that, one of the unlockable things is photos and you see that they actually died with their parents bc they ate the soup too, the picture has the caption "a family that dines together, dies together"

ANYWAY enough about them I wanna talk about the Time Traveler now she's awesome so basically, she wants to be employee of the month, but this rich asshole who's family has been ceo since the beginning of time won't let her be. so she goes rogue and to prevent the capitalist dystopia she lives in, she goes back in time to kill his very first ancestor before he can invent the wheel. I actually don't remember how that one ends but I don't think it was good. I think she ended up killing a lot of people indirectly or something bc their ancestor was gone. lemme look it up actually this is gonna bother me. oh also before I do I wanna say her power is she can phase through rocks, basically she can teleport also she floats everywhere but can't fly but it's still awesome. but yeah her level was hard because you had to alternate between the past present and future to solve the puzzle, like leaving a rock in a certain place in dino times so that a well forms in the present so that a bucket is left in the future, stuff like that

AWWWW OK so I looked it up and her gallery photos aren't in the same place so it's hard to say for sure but based on her pictures, when she was alive she had second thoughts and did not end up killing the ancestor, and instead congratulated the asshole on being employee of all time. in the cave though, she was able to live out her fantasy of killing him

so yeah I think that's all I have to say right now... gotta be one of my favorite games of all time I should play it again soon

[fatcowboys]

i rlly rlly rlly hope that in dragon age dreadwolf we get to go back to being just some guy. replying dai is strange bc you are almost instantly elevated to this like folk hero status in a way the other games didnt do. like sure u technically start as a prisoner but like once ur past the first mission you are the Herald of Andraste, who Andraste herself lead out of the fade. and then you just get Bigger when you become the Inquisitor who seals the breaches etc etc etc

in dao and esp da2 you are just. a fuckin guy. yes you are a gray warden and you eventually become the hero of fereldan, and yes hawke eventually becomes the champion of champion but it takes a while to get to that point.

the HoF usually starts with their whole world going to shit and becoming a fresh grey warden. and then the grey wardens go to shit and many people think you betrayes the king and people have been hired to kill you etc etc etc. you have to fight to earn back the belief and respect of fereldan inch by inch until you can deal with the guy who really fucked it all up and only THEN do you defeat the archdemon and become the hero of fereldan. depending on your choices you could die killing the archdemon and never live as the hero of fereldan - just a hero in memorium

hawke starts in a similarly shit situation. your hometown has been destroyed. one of your siblings has died. you get back to where you are supposed to have family to take you in but wait, they can't get you in, so you have to work for some other guy for a while. not to mention that either you or your surviving sibling is a mage, and the city you just rolled up to super fucking hates mages. things turn around quicker for hawke with restoring their family birthright and eventually, becoming the champion at the end of act 2 after defeating the arishok. but it takes a Lot to get to that point (and even then, doesn't last long because kirkwall falls to shit.)

contrasting that with inquisition where after a prologue as a prisoner (but even when you are a prisoner there is still some chosen one vibes with the weird magic mark you have) you end up as this larger than life figure who closes magical rifts and stares down darkspawn and survived avalanches sooo early on in the game. and like. i just miss being just some guy. even your dialogue tends to be more formal and forced than the HoF and Hawke who have a lot more freedom to be rude and assholes and such. and i miss that. i wanna be just some guy in a shit situation with my friends trying to make it work and really really hope we get that vibe back more in dreadwolf

[girlfriendsofthegalaxy]

saturday again no problem (a tuesdaypost retrospective)

sort of mixed feelings about this one bc, as we have previously chatted about, the august 2021-august 2022 period was one of the worst twelve-month periods of my life.

however! this year brought like six new tuesdaypost initiatives from other people (please shout at me in the comments or by DM bc my brain is broken and i don't remember all of you) and i DO want to take a look back at some media i enjoyed.

the normal format + some misc. stats below

listening

here are all the tuesdaysongs plus Permanent Peace by Jack de Quidt, who is not on spo/tify. this year gave me albums by: joywave, alt-j, unloved, scene queen, new doja cat, a bunch of junie and the hutfriends singles, and the gleeful insanity of the mcr tour. VERY good musical year imo

-

reading

this historically has been one of the more fallow categories, bc there is a level of background pain where it is quite difficult for me to read and viddy gaem is a better distraction.

could have sworn i read three cowboy novelizations this year but i can only find evidence that i read the sabata and red river novelizations. i have mixed feelings about the execution of Tom Lin's The Thousand Crimes of Ming Tsu and Silvia Moreno-Garcia's Gods of Jade and Shadow but do not regret reading either.

no particular comics or manga stand out in my fallible, forgettable brain this year. i am excited for the ongoing light novel and manga adaptation of Otherside Picnic but that's just from watching the anime

-

watching

happy that letterboxd is doing part of the thing i wanted (getting me to watch more movies) deeply annoyed i have fallen into the trap i was afraid of. this trap is: I Want To Make The Number Go Up and am now reluctant to watch tv bc i can't log it on letterboxd and it doesn't "count". fucking hate to gamify my own leisure like this!!!!

the very good thing about letterboxd is that my friends have excellent taste, and letterboxd reminds me which of the eight billion django knockoffs i have and have not seen.

GOD was january a good movie month. the below screenshot is movies i watched for the first time this year and really liked/have stuck in my head in some way, and 3/8ths were from january. thank u library streaming service kanopy

see letterboxd has taken such a big chunk of my Moving Images time that it was hard to remember that both peaky blinders and killing eve ended this year!!! and i rewatched several seasons of adventure time! and most of the first season of DS9! and i am now in the process of watching the vampire interview show with my sister!!!

-

playing

got a handmedown switch!

this year was mostly big open worlds that didn't require a lot of complex thought from me, or if they did require some puzzle solving it was in really short bursts. lion's share of the hours this year went to fallout 4, breath of the wild, and pokemon scarlet. i really loved junk shop telescope, depanneur nocturne, and card cowboy.

honorary mentions to phone games that kept my anxiety to a low simmer while in a lot of doctor's offices.

game im most hype for is probably the spooky fishing game Dredge, but i don’t think we’ll get that until early 2024. if anyone says the words "fallout 5" next year i will lose my mind bc i would like another one of these stupid motherfuckers before i die.

-

making

i think i'm going to mourn the old lair until i die.

i am deeply, deeply unhappy with how this year went both personally and professionally. made an apartment cozy. lost the cozy apartment. cleaned a whole bunch of metal. framed a lot of things. bought a whole bunch of furniture. still have moths.

hate to leave this post on this note however i really should have died twice this year and didn’t. so im trying to be nice to myself about the rest of it.

-

bonus stats

47/52 weeks posted

moves: 1 (assisted with two)

recipes failed: many

postcards sent: many

number of 1040s i will receive next month: 4

overnight trips: 2

day trips: 3

covid: +1

serious covid scares: 9

combined hospital and doctor's visits: don't worry about it

number of lamps: also don't worry about it what are you a cop

cats: +1

[i3utterflyeffect]

I know absolutely nothing abt Wandersong so I can't ask any specific questions (;;-o-) BUT!!!!!!! take this ask as blanket permission to talk about any thoughts u have on the game that u want to, canon or AU

if u want some prompting, I saw ur MRD crossover and went 👀👀 I'm curious what ur AU changes from the game(s)!

oh!! okay so basically im going to split this into parts hang on

BUT. YOU ABSOLUTELY HAVE TO PLAY WANDERSONG ITS SUCH A GOOD GAME. ITS SO FUN AND YOU WOULD LOVE MIRIAM AND BARD THEY'RE SO LOVABLE

ANYWAY!!!!!!! godbard au will be under the cut in case its not way too horribly late for you to not be spoilered sfdgklgslg

Mad Rat Miriam

ok aside from this post basically. the combo means that miriam has a much longer time period that mad rat and instead of the entire world ending it's just her. audrey is basically herding her towards a cat and i feel like she's actually pretty violent before bard is like 'NOOO STOP IT'

bard may have been a cat but they're very nice and would not kill anyone. because that is mean and they are NOT mean. they may have been a stray but they'd always just beg for scraps from humans instead and give them the wettest eyes if they try to feed them a mouse.

mim is also still very distant from other people bc yeah she's still a lab rat and she's learned to not be too attached to other ppl and beside she's already alienated bc she's Weird. so bard is really the first time she's been friends with someone and the fact that she's going to die upsets her deeply. but she's glad she got to meet this stupidly nice little heart because god they're too nice but also they're so friendly and kind to her despite everything.

audrey is very much a beastie of instinct and instead of describing herself as a 'rat god' she more describes about as miriam's 'hero', 'guardian angel', whatever fits the bill for that sort of thing. even tho she very much is not and is scaring miriam into going where she wants since mim is not really a huge fan of the wish thing

a lot of the cities of wandersong is just a bunch of stray rats living and Fucking Chilling. and rat god is still a sort of legend thing but it's kind of a horror story where people go wandering into nowhere and never return.

ALSO. the heart battle is so fucking insane i bet. like bard HATES the idea of fighting miriam but they have to do SOMETHING because clearly mim isn't in her right mind. a lot of the fight is a test of patience i bet bc of this

also also! another counterpart of jack is dream king but he DOESN'T CARE about eating mim at all. lazy guy. audrey is not happy about this.

king of hearts is the main one tho since he starts drowning in place of jack and mim decides to save him!!!!!!!!

most of the monsters in general are just hallucinations

anyway miriam and bard have just this strangely similar dynamic to mad rat and heart. violence and 'be nice to people please :)' + Provider Of Beats

plus it's interesting to explore something where the person with their head on straight is bard bc you don't really equate someone happy-go-lucky like that to be the most realistic between the two! usually it's the pessimist but nah its bard this time <3

godbard au

anyway so basically i want to talk about audrey here bc she's been accused of killing bard and since she's basically forced to come along with miriam and bard she's very upset.

BUT. something very important: i feel like she believes in thought crimes.

she's always prided herself on heroism and she never really thought about it before but after some time around Normal People as a Normal Person she starts to get fucked up over her new thought patterns that she developed by being a hero

this gets even worse when bard and miriam start treating her with genuine concern and kindness because she hates them, and she's certainly thought about killing them

as people start talking abt her she becomes more self conscious and it eventually comes to a climax as she is found out and people go on a full-on witch hunt over her

she's very very prone to violence and as she realizes how fucked up her destiny to end the world is she goes into a downwards spiral as she begins to think about awful things more and more and about if she HAD killed them and watched the life drain from their eyes (and she wouldn't have even felt bad)

and if she finds her sword she only gets worse as the intrusive thoughts get worse and more within reach of being completed and she can't take it

and. um

basically i gave her ocd hours. and i feel like i'm correct <3

[bitesu-bitesu-bitesu]

so right and also this isn't just riding the wave after walking dead, bc we have to give it to them, they were the first ones who did a setting where the zombies were just a facilitator for the interpersonal connections and societal changes taking place in an apocalyptic scenery. before that, zombie media focused mainly on the zombies as a creature feature and the main emotions were fear, despair and building up the will to fight, with characters usually painted in a less in-depth way. and the walking dead shifted this focus to the people, detailing the complex processes of interactions between them and the multitude of emotions experienced (however I think they kinda fucked up by dragging that shit for what seemed forever but whatevsies still got to give this to them). AND THEN tlou (the game) shifted this to another level by taking you even further into a shorter but more personal storyline while also strengthening the bonds between the player and the characters by interaction, making the emotions truly yours in a way, while making you take care of characters, and by this extending your investment in the story, showing multiple sides of it, making you question the morality of the characters in a thought provoking way, they give characters in you hands, that you have to protect now, that you fucking tried to kill!!! earlier. and in some cases did actually kill. the game makes you go back in time and you have to experience the other side, meet the people who you already viciously killed. by this for me it's unlike any other game with similar functions bc its so much more emotionally (for me!) AND THEN tlou by HBO fucking went and twisted this whole thing, expanding and examining the societal and personal connections even deeper, giving you more time to rly face things that i guess a lot of us didn't think about before. it emphasized the diversity of people even more, pointing it out for gamers who didn't notice this before (for example a lot of people who aren't that queercoded or just don't pay that much of attention to these kinda things didn't realize Bill was gay, and that they were partners CANONICALLY and they got mad at the series and it's like?? they were queer all along and also u were playing a game with a lesbian main character so whats up?? ) making it more evident that we have to pay attention to marginalized and minority people, we have to lift them up and take care of each other or else we fucking die. all of us. it's a transparent message that we have to get our shit together, and that all kind of people deserve happiness, love, safety and understanding. can't wait for s2!! (also if you haven't played the games yet, I highly recommend (even if you're not familiar with these kinda games) if you're able to play!!)

What I WISH so badly people would understand about The Last of Us is that its not about zombies. Its about people. It has always been about people. When i see people being like “why are there ‘politics’ in my zombie show” I want to rip my fucking hair out. Neither the game nor the show are about the fucking zombies. Its about Joel and Ellie. Its about Sarah. Its about Bill and Frank. Its about Riley. Its about Tess. Its about Tommy. The zombies just happen to be there. Its about the human condition and its about how humans continue to love each other and fight for survival even after enormous tragedy. Its about learning to love and care again. Its about loving someone so much you would sacrifice the entire world for them. If you cannot grasp that concept then maybe consuming media isn’t for you.

[cutebutahandful]

the things they don't tell you about failed suicide attempts:

you will wake up in pain. whether hours after the attempt or a day, you will be in pain. whether pills, poison, blades or gravity, your body will make its grievances known once the meds wear off.

if you, like me, get absolutely manic in the lead up to killing yourself and you spend your last few days spending/giving away/just fucking burning through all the money you've worked so hard to get - bc you can't carry that shit into the afterlife anyway - please make sure you actually die bc your family will forgive u, your friends and colleagues and partner will forgive u but your bank account won't. capitalism is unforgiving and the climb up once you've reached stability is almost enough to want to make you off yourself again

not only are you broke from spending your lifetime savings away, you now have hospital bills. congratulations.

the psych ward actually feels comforting after a while though and you will have a favorite nurse and favorite bed by your third time in

also the years that you tried to destroy yourself, kill yourself, fail, rinse and repeat? during this time, normal people are building their lives, saving up for big life events, mapping out the futures they want - all of these are essential life skills and you will only realise this once you're past desiring death

you will be sent lots of flowers but you can only view them at the nurse's office bc theyre worried you'll break the vases and use the glass to cut yourself again

you also can't charge your phone in your ward in case you use the cable to strangle yourself again

people will ask you what made you stop being suicidal - it is hard to tell them that it wasn't that you magically turned over a new leaf, you were just embarrassed you were down 0-5 in the game of scar vs life bc death keeps rejecting u. and you tried real fucken hard too :(

you realise (like really, actually, fully and truly fucking realise) that a) people love you and b) man they really fucking love you bro

in that vein - you don't believe whenever people tell you "it gets better" (that hasn't been true in ur experience) but what is true is that the people saying that are people who love you. and you know they want the best for you and would never lead you to a future that would harm you bc they've shown the past few years how much they've cared for and protected you. so while this idea of a better future is still fuzzy and out of reach in your head, you will allow yourself to hold hands with the people who love you and let them walk with you to wherever it gets better.

(sometimes you spiral and fall and let go of their hand and it's hard to speak out and they don't realise bc they didn't know you've taken a tumble, they just assume you've slowed down and will be right back in a jiffy - they also have other things occupying their attention in front so they haven't looked back)

(and its easy to feel resentful and small and unlovable again when you're gone and hurt and no one has noticed and must you cry and bleed and wound yourself again before people notice? but you know these are old ghosts and you're a better exorcist now so you tell them to be quiet and you focus on small movements at a time)

first you're on the ground and then you're on your knees and then slowly and slowly you pick yourself back up. you take a couple small steps and theyre tentative and unsteady but they're there

and it takes a little time and sometimes your person will realize you've fallen and they'll come back to help you up, help steady you

whether they do or not is immaterial - the most important thing is that you got back up.

you will keep falling again, even when you follow all the rules, even when you avoid all your past vices, you will be made to trip and you will fall.

but falling is nothing in the grand scheme of things - how many pills have you swallowed? how many substances have you ingested to ensure your organs refuse to work? how many cuts did it take before you stopped feeling pain and the euphoria set in? how many minutes did you last even when the wire chokes your neck and you're second guessing asphyxiation bc MAN this shit fucking hurts. after every ER visit where they stomach pump you free of the things you need to kill you, you had to restart and rebuild, and you've done both better than neurotypicals.

like a grand architect building a tower of dominoes, you're always at a peak before you bring it all down but you've always always gotten yourself back up. and now that you've chosen (whether voluntarily or not) to live, you get to choose how to live too.

what they don't tell you about failed suicide attempts is that in the life after each of this failed attempt, you are both the marble and the sculptor - you no longer end things, you Create.

and you are the best creation if you choose 2b

[theringers]

V-card anon: hi sorry about that first ask i kinda went into a fugue state (spelling?) altered state of reality maybe when i wrote that and damn near outlined a fic in your inbox

The way we played hot seat was either part of a larger drinking game when a certain card was pulled from a deck, or just on it's own. You sit in a circle, everyone has a drink, usually a beer or cider. In the card pull version, the one who pulls the card gets asked a question by every person playing and if they refuse to answer they drink from their drink. In the standalone, you do that but everyone gets a turn being asked until people get bored and leave. Fun way to find out shit about people. Usually the unwritten rule is that you can't lie. I imagine everyone sitting on shitty chouches and chairs in a semi circle around a table full of cups and bottles playing it

Questions i have been asked: are you a top or bottom? Do you like anal? Wheres the weirdest place you've fucked? Body count? Favorite position (sexual)? Fuck marry kill/ignore people in this room (EVERY TIME I PLAYED I GOT THIS QUESTION)? Tits or ass or other? Favorite non sexual body part ex. Thigh? Ideal fuck buddy? Sex regrets? Etc

Also more weird details i have head cannoned out for some drivers and most likely does not fit with irl personalities, do with this what you will, use it or don't i just have feelings. Also everyone is like compressed in age to like 20-27ish except for some of the grid who i will just think of as younger alumns who come back:

Danny R: social chair, owns a jeep he takes the doors off of in the summer, walks girls home at night to make sure they're ok, tries to DJ house events and is rebuffed by literally everyone, has like 30 pairs of vans you trip over in his room, stolen roadsigns everywhere, masters in something arigcultural or physiological, cutoff frat shirts for days, fuckboy but nice, a bit cringe, will drive around with you at night so you can scream, met reader bc she had a band tee on and wanted to talk to her about it (no gatekeeping)

Charles: some kind of engineering or math degree but no one has any idea how the fuck he's gotten so far, 4.0 never studies, games with other house members, will show up at events randomly you will have no idea how he gets on your couch but he is there, the best and worst taste in clothes, is the only one allowed to play the piano in the house, sweet, cannot help you with studies but is always down for helping you out after, has to be reminded to clean stuff, disaster bi, reader met his gf first and they probably met through that

Pierre: good fashion and music taste, shirt is gone halfway through the night, also fuckboy but wholesome, actually studies, plays a sport for sure probably soccer in some way either club or Division he's too good for rec, will hold your hair back so you can throw up, will tell you your outfit sucks, good at math, also part of the squad that games, econ major, workout buddies with reader anday have taken a math class together

Max: is part of the hockey team he will go pro, also actually studies, got into gaming because of Charles, has the nicest car, is serious until he gets a couple drinks in him, he and Daniel are close and roomed together at some point, owns like 30 sets of the same outfit a white tee and jeans, knows reader through Dan and they get dragged by him to some of the same stuff

Lando: is a pledge or new member his big is Carlos, undeclared major, just happy to be here, gaming squad, used to play lacrosse or something equally obscure, king of knowing where the good snacks are, weirdly good at beer pong, growing into a fuckboy wholesomeness level tbd, probably sweet with reader as she helped him through a blackout or something, met her because she's basically house mom for some of the new boys (the kind of mom who will teach you to do laundry or iron ONCE)

Carlos: hockey flow but does not play hockey, actually studies and is smarter than what people give him credit for, came from a private high school and uni really opened his horizons, also good study buddy, gets along with most people, goes to office hours the most out of the actually studies gang, fun at parties, owns the frat dogs, he and reader met at Office hours (they were the only students) and found they had mutual friends too

Lewis: is/was president of frat, great grades greater bod, did full evolution from fuckboy to good man, has the back tests and the moral support, up for late noght talks about life, definitely was a D1 athlete, best fashion game, implemented no hazing policy, fits into notable alum or PhD category

Mick: undergrad like Lando, also plays soccer or something, too sweet, also walks girls home/holds your hair back etc, cleans parts of the house that aren't his responsibility, higher alcohol tolerance than you expect, everyone is bizarrely protective of him, legacy member (his dad was a legend), drives a motorbike around campus and can't decide between law and psychology, actually studies, met reader through the frat and she would die for him, brings her to class on the bike sometimes because the bike is faster

George: business major, frat treasurer, three ring binder business casual in class kind of guy, nice enough, shirt comes off when drunk, runs marathons and a podcast about investments, best notes in the game and great study partner, actually studies, is drinking monster at 6AM but not because he stayed up late, he and reader met through the frat and sometimes drink wine and bitch together

Lance: hockey player, legacy member, studies sometimes, sarcasm on point, great at stack cup, very chill, knows every good nap spot on campus, also has high alcohol tolerance, is the kind of person who does well in the cold but does not like it, wears headphones so people don't talk to him, great one on one but not in crowds, business major and minor in computer science, probably also met thru Lance's gf but vibe as more introverted people and will cover for each other if one does not want to go out

Nicky: a good boy, part of the walks people home squad, sets up designated drivers for parties, good snack game, future in medical field, good listener, pretty good study buddy, midnight snack enabler, met reader through frat and his gf he and reader are on babysitting duty together sometimes when others get too drunk/high

Yuki: also a pledge or new, majoring in games or computer science as they gave me the same energy as him, games squad, bit of a mad lad, has several stolen street signs, good, met reader through frat and Yuki is the only one patient enough to explain some games to reader, they cuss people out on mic

Esteban: good man, has a full ride scholarship, actually studies, also good study buddy, Dan's little, plays soccer but maybe on a rec team because he prioritizes school, very sweet guy as well, probably chose a really practical major/dual major, met reader through Dan and are also dragged similar places by him

Antonio: manbun, philosophy or classics major possibly business dual, generally good natured but can be seen supplying his own wine at parties, used to be really into metal but kept the hair, does not know that people find him attractive, soccer boi, met reader through frat and she's the only one who will (pretend) to listen to him rant about philosophy

Alex Albon: another full scholarship guy, somehow gets along with everyone, switched majors due to an asshole professor, electrical engineering or computer engineering, actually studies, helps with frat pets,will show you pictures of his cats at home, sweetie, another contender for will hold your hair or walk you home, probably met reader through a class or club and found they had mutual friends and that reader is friends with his gf

Notable alums:

Checo - dad, successful in finance somehow (he looks like an really successful accountant of CFO to me idk why)

Kimi - dad but people forget he is, holds the record for most drinks in 24 hours that will never be come close to by anyone else, shows up on random alum weekends with 2 kegs, legally cannot tell you what he does or he would actually have to murder you

Valterri - was good at a sport when he was there, now a very effective lead engineer at an architectural firm

Seb - environmental or mechanical engineering, all around good guy with someone the best grades in frat history

Alonso - legendary for sexual exploits (consensual)

Anyone I put as actually studies is probably the type reader would hang around for more serious stuff/schoolwork and would probably be closer to, with the exception of Dan bc I feel like he'd be like we're friends now :)) we shall hang or Charles bc he will just show up. I also imagine she has a pretty good friendship with any existing gf, however if a driver does have a gf and he is the love interest sorry bb girl u gotta go for the purposes of this fic

Sorry this is so long hahaaaaaaa glad you liked my Charles thoughts ilu

i honestly wasn’t going to share this like the rest of the anon asks i’ve gotten that i keep close to my heart but this was just too good to keep to myself.

LOOK! AT! THIS!

f1 drivers as frat bros/college students headcannon

i’m writing a series - each “chapter” will be a smut with a different frat bro and i’m hoping to post a sneak peek this week some time but here’s something to hold you over and give you some ideas

to my vcard anon - i appreciate this so much. my inbox is always open for ur thoughts bc they are SO GOOD !! can’t wait for you to read the first part of the series bby

PS if some of this doesn’t make sense to u feel free to send in asks (i know a lot of this is focused on american college culture so if u don’t get it i’m happy to explain)

[rivangel]

sopranos spoilers i guess. this show is like 25 yrs old lol

i don't think ive ever felt so profoundly depressed, but it's a good feeling too? the show was always portraying how u must hold onto good times and be conscious of the value of your life because it is fleeting; you might not even HEAR it when it ends.

i think i was expecting tony to die but i should've expected the much more poignant, "big" way it happened to fit such a complex, genuine, and often profound story.

several times it's suggested there's something More in the grand scheme of things, but the writers don't pretend to know what it is, whether alternate universes or whether hell is watching yourself die over and over, or if ghosts are real. making the ending so ambiguous yet full of symbolism and direction is the most fitting way to carry it out i think.

like any way u slice it, things were gonna go bad for tony the exact way things ALMOST did times before, but he was saved due to the specific circumstances at the time. the closer the ending got, the more it felt like everything had been building up slowly to a boiling point.

it makes sense that EVERYTHING about the highly suggested to be shooters, is suggested. phil (aka the ny family who was trying to kill tony) is dead, and tony's highest ranking caposare dead (and sil in a long term coma). tony fucked over so many people across the seasons it could be an assortment of people coming back for revenge.

i heard this while reading a story called 'the left right game' that i haven't been able to get out of my head, and it's that a character like tony's most fitting ending is some kind of penance regardless of the complexity of his morals, or why he does what he does - and on this magnitude, his death. especially what with the kind of life that comes with being in the mafia; there's not any glory in it at the end of the day. i can't think of a more fitting ending for tony despite how attached i naturally got to him.

i feel really existential and sad. like yeah it took me like a month to finish this show, but the writing is also incredibly well done. i felt like i was getting to know actual people, not characters and especially not flat ones. for some reason i have a memory of when i was a kid and my mom asking me if i'd ever watched the sopranos because it had just ended (and this was 2008 mind u so i was like. 9 and that's the type of person my mom is but anyway). on top of this actual nostalgia, the show takes place over several years so i was watching the characters literally grow up in a way. also learning how some of the actors have died and all the media that exists in remembrance of the show gets to me in a way. i almost never see the sopranos mentioned online, and tbh i only knew about it bc it was recommended after watching breaking bad. it feels almost niche in a way, and is clearly dated to the time it was aired, but all the same TIMELESS. and not only timeless, but universal. mannn.

just finished the sopranos

me rn

[kurosukii]

Be prepared to journey with me to dreamland. So normally my dreams love cunt blocking me, or as I love to call it "sandbagging" bc its preventing me from flooding my half of the US.

So last night I had a weird ass fantasy like dream where a bunch of people were in this large cave entrance holding a ceremony to pick the next monarch. In this world they didn't pick monarchs by blood line, it was a giant sky whale that looked like something out of Shadow of the Colossus, that basically announced the next monarch after the previous one dies.

So I end up standing on its back and it tells me I'll be the next princess, but I'll only be crowned or given the title post mortem. Like fucking great, so I'm going to die soon? Literally the monarch before died and they needed another but were only going to consider me one after I died. Wtf? So anyways, after it's prediction it starts to split and fall out of the sky, me along with it, and guess who saves me from impending death? Atsumu Miya (which I find humorous bc I have the hots for Osamu and in the dream it was clear that Tsumie was my bff).

So after that we go on a quest bc I need my Arthurianesque sword in the stone, which my sister finds and pulls out. Turns out anyone can pull it out but only the chosen one can put it in this weird portal to open up this tomb with other stuff. So I put this huge white glowing blade into the shining hole (not a euphemism) and this tomb comes up from the ground. I open the door and there is a scepter that looks like the hook ones that shepherds use. At the tip was a giant crystal. There was also a snake pattern. Snakes are an ongoing theme in my life, it's not even funny anymore.

Of course I reach out for it. Once I take it a monster awakens, bc of course it does, and it comes after me. I keep it away with the end of the scepter and can only do minor damage with the sword at that distance so I call out for help. Who is the first to show? Tsumu. He helps kill the beast. Then we go foraging around for things like in a typical fantasy rpg video game. Yay, quests.

We end up at a place that gives upgraded armor and weapons for your class. Mine automatically is more of a mage's robes instead of a typical fighter. And I had this epic hat that looked like a mushroom. I need to find the type of mushroom bc it was cool looking. And all white. I guess so the blood stands out. Haha.

Then I had to choose outfits for my "coronation" I picked a gold and biege one that was very pretty and flows and then this purple one with a halter top and huge purple ruffle skirt. It looked like a wedding dress. As Atsumu aptly put it. He told me to pick it and I went with it too deciding to change outfits throughout the evening.

So as I was getting ready Atsumu sneaks in the back and we're about to start having sex and someone fucking walks in! Like wtf?! So we stop and he kisses my cheek and says, "cya Ina bit, princess. Let's get married". It was funny bc I think it was supposed to be an arranged one too. But they only arranged it after I was announced as princess by the whale.i guess they figured why not we're besties. Man, dis I hate being cockblocked.

Second dream I don't remember too well, why you may ask? Bc I actually had sex in it. NOT ONLY THAT BUT A FUCKING THREESOME WITH MAKKI AND MATTSUN!!! I'm telling you my brain hates me. It either always interrupts me or I can't remember. Only a handful of times have I ever remembered the sex in my dreams. All I remember was it was intense and slow. Makki was teasing me a lot as Mattsun was sucking on my neck and balls deep in me. Man how I wish it was real.

omg 😭 how the hell do u guys get sex dreams 😭 my dreams are so fucked up that if i tell people about it i’ll be institutionalised 😭

[sporesdruid]

having rly weird and awful dreams, visited an old teacher i never had for the first time in forever (my dreams have recurring places and people but it's all so ephemeral I wldnt know how to describe it) and almost told her to fuck off (not something I'd have done as a teen) bc I was being overly polite when I accidentally walked into the wrong class and saw people i knew

been also A) meeting some of my longer term exes in my dreams, B) meeting weird versions of my friends or old people I knew from hs and C) taking part in a hiding/killing game, there's a special location I can't think of the layout now it only makes sense in my dream but its Down, stuff was the same for a long time but now it feels different? like someone became aware of the secret spot and now it's less safe. idk. anyway gets chased and hides badly under a blanket in my dreams bc i guess that's the best my brain has when im panicking

SIDE NOTE I hate those dreams soooo so much. I'm always anticipating being killed and being killed in a dream sucks ass. I always find myself toward the end half hoping I'll just wake up so it can end 😑 which usually does the trick I imagine pretty fast but it Feels like ages. anyway. I'd like to have a word with whoever said you can't die in dreams bc u lied to me and dying in dreams is quite possibly one of the more stressful things to do