#bc when i barely knew my teachers’ names doing online school it was like. who cares if i have missing assignments

[chemicaljacketslut]

i am so fucking jealous of people whose brains don’t treat academics as life or death

[rxmvns-blog1]

                𝐇𝐈,  𝐅𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐍𝐃𝐒  !  i’m  𝒅𝒓𝒊  (twenty,  she/her,  pst)  !  i  was  late  posting  my  intro  for  the  first  iteration  for  pinky,  so  nothing  has  really  changed,  huh  ?  some  fun  facts  about  me  are  that  i  have  the  incredibly  dangerous  combo  of  high  ambition  and  poor  time  management  and  i’d  risk  it  all  for  a.c.e,  ateez,  and  loona  !  i’m  back  with  ya  fav  skater  eboy(?)  roman,  so  if  you’re  interested  in  plotting  connections,  feel  free  to  im  me  or  ask  for  my  discord  (where  i  would  be  way  easier  to  reach)  !

                *  𝒄𝒉𝒐𝒊  𝒔𝒂𝒏.  𝒉𝒆/𝒉𝒊𝒎.  𝒄𝒊𝒔  𝒎𝒂𝒍𝒆.  ╱  i  am  pretty  sure  i  saw  𝒓𝒐𝒎𝒂𝒏  𝒋𝒆𝒐𝒏𝒈  at  manon’s  party  that  night.  the  𝒕𝒘𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒚  year  old  is  in  their  𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒓𝒅  year  at  west  bridge  studying  𝒇𝒊𝒍𝒎.  i  hear  they  were  at  manon’s  party  because  𝒉𝒆  𝒘𝒂𝒔  𝒔𝒖𝒑𝒑𝒐𝒔𝒆𝒅  𝒕𝒐  𝒃𝒆  𝒑𝒊𝒄𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒈  𝒂  𝒇𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒏𝒅  𝒖𝒑  𝒃𝒖𝒕  𝒄𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅𝒏’𝒕  𝒇𝒊𝒏𝒅  𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒎.  i  wonder  if  they  got  the  same  restricted  call  as  us.  will  they  comply?  +  𝒕𝒉𝒆  𝒔𝒄𝒆𝒏𝒕  𝒐𝒇  𝒇𝒓𝒆𝒔𝒉𝒍𝒚  𝒃𝒓𝒆𝒘𝒆𝒅  𝒄𝒐𝒇𝒇𝒆𝒆,  𝒑𝒐𝒍𝒂𝒓𝒐𝒊𝒅𝒔  𝒔𝒄𝒂𝒕𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒆𝒅  𝒐𝒏  𝒂  𝒃𝒆𝒅𝒓𝒐𝒐𝒎  𝒘𝒂𝒍𝒍,  𝒑𝒖𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈  𝒑𝒆𝒐𝒑𝒍𝒆  𝒂𝒓𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒅  𝒊𝒏  𝒔𝒉𝒐𝒑𝒑𝒊𝒏𝒈  𝒄𝒂𝒓𝒕𝒔  𝒂𝒕  𝟐𝒂𝒎.

c://roman_jeong//quick_stats.txt

full name: roman jeong / jeong jinwoo (정진우)

age: twenty

pronouns: he/him, cis male

orientation: bisexual

zodiac: scorpio

place of birth: san jose, california

c://roman_jeong//history.txt

born in san jose, california, roman lived with his parents and little sister clarissa until the age of eight, when his mom left them in pursuit of an old flame from high school that she apparently never got over. their dad tried to raise them for maybe… a few months… before realizing he had close to no parenting ability. he and clarissa were sent to live with their rich aunt in wisconsin, and they’ve been there ever since.

listen… their aunt turned out to be a Helicopter Mom to them and it was… super suffocating, especially to roman. she expected so much out of them and tried to force her own dreams onto them but he was just Not Feeling It. he’d always hit her with the “ur not even my real mom” line. despite being a rather intelligent dude with a relatively quick wit, he put the bare minimum into school (especially around the halfway point in high school) … but still lowkey wanted to do well. he was the guy who always found a way to get test answers inconspicuously and found ways to work around the turnitin system, ya feel? tl;dr: smart and capable, but incredibly unmotivated

when he was fifteen, he found out (while eavesdropping on one of his aunt’s phone calls) that his dad had gotten remarried and had twins with his new wife, a girl and a boy. furious over the fact that this was kept a secret from him for two years, he went to rant about it to his sister, who told him that they should just keep pretending like they don’t know. roman suddenly couldn’t hear, and during dinner that night, he brought it up and it was an angsty time.

after this revelation, he began Acting Out more because he hated the idea that their dad just sent them away almost like it was nothing but ended up raising an entirely new family of his own afterward. it started to feel like it was him and his sister against the world, and even to this day he would do anything for her. he got into fights a lot in high school because he gets defensive and doesn’t know when to Stop. his temper is… so short…

he took a photography class his junior year high school and just… really enjoyed it?? it was practically the only class he actually wanted to Try in. his teacher noticed this, and they ended up being pretty close. when roman wasn’t out messing around, he spent a lot of time hanging in the classroom and talking about life and photography. probably the One adult he respected, but his teacher ended up moving to new york shortly after he graduated high school. it felt like he was being abandoned once again (yikes!!!) even tho he knew it had nothing to do with him.

but yeah, for the past few years, roman has just been studying film (his aunt thinks he’s there for engineering but he did a switchy switch… haha keep it a secret!), doing freelance photography on the side, and fuckin’ shit up ! his sister is currently going to school in california, and her decision to attend berkeley lowkey rubbed him the wrong way since it’s relatively close to where their dad lives and he doesn’t want thim to reach out to clarissa or anything because he’s supposed to be dead to them.

c://roman_jeong//personality.txt

people think roman comes off as intimidating, but they’re not entirely wrong. he takes a while to warm up to people, and even then, he doesn’t have a lot of actual friends.

he doesn’t express it often, but he would literally do anything for his sister and close friends. can be incredibly protective. no kidding, his sister has complained that people didn’t want to date her because they were afraid of him KJDHGDSG

you know that friend who is able to find a persons facebook page and essentially everything about them with very, very minimal information given? yeah, that’s roman. he :// lowkey keeps up with his dad through facebook bc all of his wife’s posts are public :// he looks at posts of their family and just Suffers… it’s so bad!!!

he is the type of person that won’t share his own food but eats other people’s.

listen… you didn’t hear it from me… but he’s really just a softie… he’s just scared

doesn’t know what it’s like not to hold a grudge

acts on impulse and emotion often

c://roman_jeong//fun_facts.txt

can and will argue about the superiority of ice cream over frozen yogurt

has an emotional connection to cats and will stop to pet one; also has a cat and he loves her with his entire being

is sustained by coffee and sarcasm; drinks his coffee black

romcoms are his guilty pleasure tho they lowkey make him feel a sort of longing

his bedroom wall is covered in polaroids, which are of his friends, scenery, and neighborhood stray cats! but mostly his friends. he loves taking pictures of his friends :/ he also loves the idea of polaroids capturing a singular moment unlike how digital cameras can be used to get the Perfect Shot after like… 30 tries

has that one second every day app

mildly allergic to bananas but didn’t realize it until he asked a friend if they liked the tingly feeling they get when they eat bananas

pushing people around in shopping carts at 2am/being pushed is one of his favorite pastimes

“u can’t wear thrasher unless u can deepthroat an entire skateboard” is his instagram bio and he thinks thrasher elitists can choke. bought all of his friends black thrasher hoodies for christmas in an act of spite.

going off of that, he started saying “sk8 or die” ironically but now he can’t stop

will look you in the eyes when he holds a conversation; this is sometimes terrifying bc it rly looks like he’s staring into your SOUL but tbh he just be like that

can solve rubix cubes very fast!! when he was 13 he once spent an entire night studying rubix cube algorithms online bc he didn’t like the fact that he couldn’t solve one

walks fast DGJHGS like slow down speed racer where r u goin

c://roman_jeong//that_night.txt

roman didn’t even want to Be at the party, let alone get entangled in the Big Mess

he showed up around 15 minutes before they found manon’s body, only in the area to pick up a friend after receiving a phone call

he went inside to seek them out, but little did he know what would take place 5 minutes later.

he finds it kinda unfair (and shitty karma) that he was brought into everything… but then again, a girl Died, so he doesn’t really have the right to complain.

[rxmvns-a]

↪ choi san. he/him. cis male. ╱ i thought i saw roman jeong getting questioned by the police. the twenty year old is in their third year at west bridge studying film. they were at manon’s party because he was supposed to be picking a friend up but couldn’t find them. do you think they had something to do with her death? + the scent of freshly brewed coffee, polaroids scattered on a bedroom wall, pushing people around in shopping carts at 2am. 

hi, friends! i’m dri (nineteen, she/her, pst), and being extremely tardy is just integral to who i am as a person, i guess ! i’ve been really busy with my team this week in particular, but i’m here now, hello ! so, anyway, here’s my boi roman — he’s a mess, but i’m excited to bring him to y’all ! if you’re interested in plotting connections, feel free to im me or hmu on d*scord pray for dri’s kneecaps#7258 (where i would be Way easier to reach) !

c://roman_jeong//quick_stats.txt

full name: roman jeong / jeong jinwoo (정진우)

nickname: rome

age: twenty

pronouns: he/him, cis male

orientation: bisexual

zodiac: scorpio

place of birth: san jose, california

c://roman_jeong//history.txt

born in san jose, california, roman lived with his parents and little sister clarissa until the age of eight, when his mom left them in pursuit of an old flame from high school that she apparently never got over. their dad tried to raise them for maybe… a few months… before realizing he had close to no parenting ability. rome and clarissa were sent to live with their rich aunt in wisconsin, and they’ve been there ever since.

listen… their aunt turned out to be a Helicopter Mom to them and it was… super suffocating, especially to roman. she expected so much out of them and tried to force her own dreams onto them but he was just Not Feeling It. he’d always hit her with the “ur not even my real mom” line. despite being a rather intelligent dude with a relatively quick wit, he put the bare minimum into school (especially around the halfway point in high school) … but still lowkey wanted to do well. he was the guy who always found a way to get test answers inconspicuously and found ways to work around the turnitin system, ya feel? tl;dr: smart and capable, but incredibly unmotivated

when he was fifteen, he found out (while eavesdropping on one of his aunt’s phone calls) that his dad had gotten remarried and had twins with his new wife, a girl and a boy. furious over the fact that this was kept a secret from him for two years, he went to rant about it to his sister, who told him that they should just keep pretending like they don’t know. roman suddenly couldn’t hear, and during dinner that night, he brought it up and it was an angsty time.

after this revelation, he began Acting Out more because he hated the idea that their dad just sent them away almost like it was nothing but ended up raising an entirely new family of his own afterward. it started to feel like it was him and his sister against the world, and even to this day he would do anything for her. he got into fights a lot in high school because he gets defensive and doesn’t know when to Stop. his temper is… so short…

he took a photography class his junior year high school and just… really enjoyed it?? it was practically the only class he actually wanted to Try in. his teacher noticed this, and they ended up being pretty close. when rome wasn’t out messing around, he spent a lot of time hanging in the classroom and talking about life and photography. probably the One adult he respected, but his teacher ended up moving to new york shortly after he graduated high school. it felt like he was being abandoned once again (yikes!!!) even tho he knew it had nothing to do with him.

but yeah, for the past few years, roman has just been studying film (his aunt thinks he’s there for engineering but he did a switchy switch... haha keep it a secret!), doing freelance photography on the side, and fuckin’ shit up ! his sister is currently going to school in california, and her decision to attend berkeley lowkey rubbed him the wrong way since it’s relatively close to where their dad lives and he doesn’t want thim to reach out to clarissa or anything because he’s supposed to be dead to them.

c://roman_jeong//personality.txt

people think roman comes off as intimidating, but they’re not entirely wrong. he takes a while to warm up to people, and even then, he doesn’t have a lot of actual friends.

he doesn’t express it often, but he would literally do anything for his sister and close friends. can be incredibly protective. no kidding, his sister has complained that people didn’t want to date her because they were afraid of him KJDHGDSG

you know that friend who is able to find a persons facebook page and essentially everything about them with very, very minimal information given? yeah, that’s roman. he :// lowkey keeps up with his dad through facebook bc all of his wife’s posts are public :// he looks at posts of their family and just Suffers… it’s so bad!!!

he is the type of person that won’t share his own food but eats other people’s.

listen… you didn’t hear it from me… but he’s really just a softie… he’s just scared

doesn’t know what it’s like not to hold a grudge

acts on impulse and emotion often

c://roman_jeong//fun_facts.txt

can and will argue about the superiority of ice cream over frozen yogurt

has an emotional connection to cats and will stop to pet one; also has a cat and he loves her with his entire being

is sustained by coffee and sarcasm; drinks his coffee black

romcoms are his guilty pleasure tho they lowkey make him feel a sort of longing

his bedroom wall is covered in polaroids, which are of his friends, scenery, and neighborhood stray cats! but mostly his friends. he loves taking pictures of his friends :/ he also loves the idea of polaroids capturing a singular moment unlike how digital cameras can be used to get the Perfect Shot after like… 30 tries

has that one second every day app

mildly allergic to bananas but didn’t realize it until he asked a friend if they liked the tingly feeling they get when they eat bananas

pushing people around in shopping carts at 2am/being pushed is one of his favorite pastimes

“u can’t wear thrasher unless u can deepthroat an entire skateboard” is his instagram bio and he thinks thrasher elitists can choke. bought all of his friends black thrasher hoodies for christmas in an act of spite.

going off of that, he started saying “sk8 or die” ironically but now he can’t stop

will look you in the eyes when he holds a conversation; this is sometimes terrifying bc it rly looks like he’s staring into your SOUL but tbh he just be like that

can solve rubix cubes very fast!! when he was 13 he once spent an entire night studying rubix cube algorithms online bc he didn’t like the fact that he couldn’t solve one

walks fast DGJHGS like slow down speed racer where r u goin

c://roman_jeong//that_night.txt

rome didn’t even want to Be at the party, let alone get entangled in the Big Mess

he showed up around 15 minutes before they found manon’s body, only in the area to pick up niko after receiving a phone call

he went inside to seek him out, but little did he know what would take place 5 minutes later.

he finds it kinda unfair (and shitty karma) that he was brought into everything... but then again, a girl Died, so he doesn’t really have the right to complain.

[kootenaygoon]

So,

The Nelson Star office was located right downtown, half a block off Baker Street, in a quaint little brick building at the top of the Stores to Shores development. It was within a short walking distance of my house, though I still drove most of the time, and right above a coffeeshop called Sidewinders that I haunted every day. Next door was a small park that desperately needed some attention, with a concrete staircase leading through a shaded forest slope strewn with garbage and scrub bushes. 

The newsroom was on the second floor and was smaller than your average bedroom, which meant I was in ultra-close proximity with Calvin and the two other reporters. Downstairs was the advertising department, our front desk lady Cheryl and the publisher, Sharon Carpenter. One half of a power duo in town, Sharon worked closely with her husband Cam, who was the regional publisher. They were fiercely career-driven, well-connected socially and politically, and had recently become intimately involved in the local soccer league — which meant I was going to end up writing many, many stories about soccer.

Before the Star was born, there had been a century-old institution in town: the Nelson Daily News. Beloved throughout the Kootenays, it had crumpled under its own weight — though most people felt Black Press was to blame. The Carpenters helped finagle the deal to purchase and rename it, a move that left long-lingering resentments in the community. It was about thirty pages an issue, twice weekly, with a regular supplement called the West Kootenay Advertiser and a monthly arts publication called Vurb. When I first picked it up I noticed there were an alarming number of photos with people smiling self-righteously behind big cheques — we called them grip n’ grins — and some of the submitted copy was embarrassing, but there was also an eclectic smorgasbord of different things to read about. 

As I flipped through the pages I felt myself getting giddy over the prospect of doing things in a new way. I wanted to bring my literary sensibilities into even the simplest of stories, and stamp my personality proud on the page.

Because I was hoping to create a sustainable future at the Star, I knew I had to make an effort to get along with Calvin. The real problem between Cass and Calvin, I figured, was they had incompatible personalities. Maybe it was a gender thing. It only took a day or two before I had a pretty good read on the guy, though: he was desperate to please, always making vaguely inappropriate Dad jokes, and operated in a near-constant state of panic mode. His ambition was to put in a couple of years as an editor out in the booneys, then leap-frog up to a similar post in the Lower Mainland. Calvin had come over from the Abbotsford News, and he couldn’t have been more out of place in the Kootenays. He had a round face, small glasses and a neat silver goatee. His right-wing politics matched nicely with the Carpenters’, and he was a big fan of Dooley, but I couldn’t believe the editor of a Nelson newspaper could routinely be heard murmuring “fucking hippies” and questioning whether climate change is really that big of a deal. He wore Chicago Blackhawks shirts nearly every single day, ate fast food at his desk, and often wrote his editorials in the mad-scramble final moments of production day. 

He was going through a tough period in his life, routinely commuting across the province to visit family, and I knew Nelson didn’t feel like home to him. Eventually I decided he was a dude, doing his best, just like everybody else.

My favourite piece of Calvin advice had to do with job titles. He didn’t believe they should ever be capitalized, a stance which had gotten him into trouble with the public in the past.

“This one guy got so mad at me, told me ‘I’m the president of the company, you have to capitalize my title’,” Calvin said, after putting the paper to bed. He grinned, remembering.

“There just happened to be a garbage man walking by the window and I said ‘he’s the garbage man, you’re the president. I don’t capitalize his job title, why would I capitalize yours?’”

Just before I was hired the Star picked up Tamara Hynd, a world-traveling adventurer a few years older than me. She was a tall and slender brunette, with kind eyes, and an ultra-healthy lifestyle that contrasted dramatically with Calvin’s. Her journalistic instincts were on-point, and I was awed by her ability to shoulder her way into situations to get the story. She started mostly reporting on the school board — there was a teacher’s strike going on — but she also got intimately involved in the Nelson Commons project, a condo development downtown that was struggling to find buyers. She cultivated relationships quickly, was professional to a fault and fearless when it came time to bull into new surroundings. She would eventually be the first person on scene during a deadly shooting incident in Slocan, she traveled by herself to cover the Shambhala Music Festival, and she became a regular on the slopes of Whitewater Ski Resort. She knew how to do the job in ways that I was still learning, and she was entirely modest about it. Sometimes I felt sorry for her, the only woman among three dudes, but she always held her own. 

Then there was Greg Nesteroff. During our drive, Cass had called him her favourite person in Nelson, and I quickly learned why. Mild-mannered and polite, he was like a character from a different time. He was easily the most respected name on our masthead, and was also well-known as a local radio personality. At first I had scoffed at some of the prose being produced at the paper, but Greg’s stories were gorgeously rendered and book-ready. He wrote historical features about characters people had never heard of, illustrated with incredible black and white photos, while also covering some of our most pressing crime stories. By the time I arrived he’d already won a number of newspaper prizes for his work, and the plaques were proudly displayed down at the front desk.

One thing I decided to do, right on my first day, was create a new personal Facebook page. I didn’t want my friends at home inundated with Nelson news, and I wanted a professional account that I could connect with any contact without worrying about them glimpsing too much of my personal life. I’d learned about social media marketing through my internship the year previous, and I was keen to mobilize those skills. I searched “Nelson, BC” and then added every organization, every business and every group I could find — effectively turning my newsfeed into a list of story ideas. I was aggressive about adding friends. My plan was to funnel all my content through my newly created Tumblr, Kootenay Goon, so I would have a digital archive of my work. 

When I checked out the Star’s Facebook page, I found it barely active and seriously lacking in photos. The Twitter account was even worse. I made it a personal goal to make sure every story of mine was posted on social media, something that wasn’t currently happening in any organized way under Calvin. He was too busy with laying out the print issues while playing catch-up with his editorial duties to really give much thought to the paper’s online presence. If somebody was going to bring the Star into the 21st century, it wasn’t going to be him.

When it came to divvying up the stories, it became clear that the primary hole I was there to fill was in arts reporting. Greg had crime and city hall covered, Tamara was all over the school board, and there was a summer intern helping Calvin with the sports stuff — he himself covered all the Nelson Leafs games. I eventually learned that the arts section was routinely comprised of press releases, published exactly as submitted, that often featured the same photos being used for that organization’s advertisements. The second half of the paper was often devoid of real bylines, with the phrase “Submitted” splattered all over the page, and all these institutions in town had gotten used to funnelling their content into the paper free of any editorial interference. Annoyingly enough, that relationship was symbiotic — there was no way we’d be able to fill the whole 30 pages otherwise. I figured the more stories I wrote for the arts section, the more we could elbow out this embarrassing content and elevate our game.

Calvin gave me the task of laying out the entertainment page, a chore I quickly grew to loathe, though it introduced me to many of the organizations I would come to rely on for leads — Selkirk College, Oxygen Art Centre, the Capitol, the Civic, On the Road Management, Spiritbar and the Royal. It was often the last thing I did on production day, scouring my e-mail and the internet for details on upcoming events. I quickly figured out that the larger I laid out the picture, the less work I would have to do filling the columns. While I poured my soul into my writing and reporting, this part of the job meant nothing to me. I knew that nearly nobody was turning to the hard-copy newspaper to figure out what was going on around town, while meanwhile there were a number of online calendars that were far superior. The entertainment page was a relic of the print past, and I was interested in the digital future.

One columnist who stood out to me right away was Anne DeGrace, from the Nelson Public Library. She was in nearly every issue, and she always seemed to have some cutesy or experimental element to her prose. The woman obviously knew her way around a sentence. I would later learn that she had been a single mother who had come to Nelson decades earlier, eventually starting a bookstore called Packrat Annie’s and authoring a series of novels. She was one of the masterminds behind ArtWalk, a yearly collaboration between artists and the business community, and she was an organizer for the Elephant Mountain Literary Festival. A powerhouse. Calvin recommended that I meet her in person and I did, at Oso Negro coffeeshop a few blocks from our office. She seemed a little wary of me, perhaps because I was planning to edge in on her literary niche, but happy to share her expertise. She told me stories about the Nelson Daily News before it died, and about how editor Rob Wall was the only one to successfully make the transition to the Star. According to her, people were still getting used to the new paper in town. There was animosity, for sure. She told me no matter what kind of journalist I was or what kind of work I did, I would be perceived as working for “The Man”. And in a community like Nelson, constructed on an ethos of default defiance and grassroots activism, that was tantamount to being the enemy. She sipped her coffee.

“Now you can’t say I didn’t warn you.”

The Kootenay Goon

[vxnevermorevx]

Welcome to my mind

For the last three years, my mind has been... Well, shit. Not that it hadn't been on a steady decline for years prior.

Recently, someone named her Denise. My other me. "Because that's what she is..when something is the opposite of something it's de-. She's not nice, she's De-Nice..."

Denise.

The name give to the me that's not me but spends more time pretending to be me than I do.

*Character Bio*

When I'm not Denise, I'm Ginny and she was the most wonderful person. I miss her dearly.

I had a great childhood. Very few psychological events, in my opinion. We never had much money, but my mom made sure I never knew it. My father worked hard at both his job and destroying his marriage; which is probably one of the marks on my childhood. More to come on that, I'm sure.

I didn't have trouble in school, per se. Bullied only a handful of times in all my school years. My mom is a designer, so I wore things you couldn't find on stores throughout my whole school life. I was *always* ahead of the trend and some kids couldn't handle it. We're talking 1991-2003. So, jumpers, corsets, mesh dusters, pants with fur on the bottom, dressing like anime characters... I was the first of everyone around me to be dressing that way. And I loved it!

But I had my revenge, as my hecklers could be seen wearing the same things they made fun of me for, after it became trendy. I guess you didn't have to be dead to be caught wearing that after all...

I struggled in math and excelled in art and writing. I had mostly good teachers, I think only one hated me.

I met all my best friends there. Can't say I've made all that many more in the years since. But, in my defense I'm surrounded by people who are nothing like me. You see, I grew up in Florida. All my vital youthful years were spent there. And now I live near Portland, Oregon. God, why? I even lost one of my dearest friends to the city. She completely changed from a fun, artistic girl who liked to draw, read, and cook...to...one of them. She's now a guilt vegan ( let's you know how disgusting you are for eating meat ) and is obsessed with shows that need to be cancelled. I had known this girl since first grade, she said she would follow the first friend who loved out of state. That was me, so she came out here too. Our friendship immediately began deteriorating as she would not allow me in my own room during the day, because she was talking to some loser friend of hers online. This person left her in a Walgreen's 20 miles from her home, on the wrong side of town, when we were all barely old enough to drive, because she was taking too long looking at eyeliner. But, she sounds like a solid individual to begin emulating. Are you serious? I watched my fully replacement take effect. 20 years of friendship completely gone in a matter of months. Have you ever watched someone stop carrying about you? Think about it. No, don't think about it. It's awful. She even physically ended our friendship. The first I had ever experienced. It was wrenching. But, I'm too far ahead now. I need to tell you how I got to Oregon.

Somewhere around me being 16, my dad stopped coming home. His mother had recently died and he knew some pretty shitty people willing to help him take the pain away. How does a poor, dyslexic, hoodlum, with a history of abuse cure the blues? Crack, of course. My mom did all she knew how to do, but she was pretty done with it all. They got divorced and some rich old lady "saved" him and whisked him off to Maryland where he would suffer many years of depression for what he had done to his family.

Now, it was just my mother and me. I immediately got a job and gave her my entire paycheck to help keep us in our lovely house. But as fate would have it, the city claimed eminent domain on our house with plans to build a water treatment facility. So, they lowballed us on what our house was worth and gave us 6 months to move. Now, here's some important side information: my mom is an army brat who grew up with mountains her whole life, until moving to Florida for my dad, which was apparently one of the last places she ever wanted to be. And my chummy from another tummy, was born in Oregon and had recently left me to go to OSU. This girl is my sister by all counts but blood. So, with a few other helping factors the logical answer was to start anew. How completely different my life would have been if I stayed. Can't say it would be better, just 100% different from what it is now.

But, in 2005 we moved to Oregon on the promise that we would do all the things we wanted to do and be living in Seattle in a few years.

None of that worked out. I can still remember the first night we spent in our apartment. I hated it. I let everyone know too. I think I cried for a week. I just wanted to go home. My Sisi was too far away to see her more often than the weekends and slowly her grades began to falter. This led to her dropping out and moving back to Florida just five months after I moved out here for her. I fell apart. I had only my mom and I love her, but sometimes you need your friends... You know? We did what we could and took jobs we hated and tried to get used to our new surroundings. I'm apparently a spoiled brat so I'm sure I made things painful for my mom who was finally back in her element and here I was stomping around telling everyone how much I hated it. Hate it. Present tense. I know the whole world is a cess pool of hipster, millennial idiots who all think that they know how to run the world, but the concentration of their free-for-all holier-than-thou ways is as dense here as the trees. It's exhausting listening to people who haven't showered in a week tell you how special they are because they have this heightened awareness that they learned from some Joe Blow and happens to not be fact at all. I have had a 24 year old Hispanic girl tell me that only white people can be racist, everyone else is prejudice. I told her that that in itself was a racist statement. And she said "no it's not. My teacher told me, and she has a PhD." I don't think I need to explain the definition of racism, but I do think Manson could have thrived in this town.

Fast forward quite a few years and we are both still in Oregon working jobs we hate not getting any of the things done we said we would. Are we lazy? Are we depressed? I'm sure it's both.

But, a small miracle comes my way, as I'm getting dressed to go down to the office to sign the next years lease I get a call from a woman who used to work with me. She asks if we are still looking for a new place to live and I tell her yes! We end up renting her townhouse from her because she's getting married. She proves to be a terrible landlord, probably because she's not all that good at being a person. She's really great at other things, but not that. Somme people are like that. But, I also haven't learned how to speak Oregonian in the 14 years I have been here.

A few more years and we end up buying the house and I have changed jobs for my health and things are looking up. I lose some of the weight I had acquired in my sorrows. I even find a guy that I can tolerate. Mostly bc he's 4000 miles away in another country. But, I struggle to find my way in our incredibly mismatched relationship. And he's so smart. So, successful... Here it comes... "what's he doing with a loser like me?"

My friends.... They all have something to show for their lives: degrees, children (Im not interested in these things,) husbands, jobs they don't hate....

I have a mortgage and a ridiculously high HOA, two payed off cars, 50 extra pounds on my ass, a job I'm not particularly built for, and a guy whom I love differently than he loves me.

I'm killing it.... Or myself. One way or the other. "I still haven't figured that shit out yet " -Eddie Murphy

I think this a pretty good place to stop for now. You should have a good amount of reference points for the following posts which will entirely be me, describing my chronic severe depression hoping that someone somewhere might read it and know they are not alone. I feel such a sense of validation when I read something from someone who feels the same as I do. This blog isn't for attention or critiquing, as most will likely be written when things like grammar and story structure aren't focused on. It's purely to get the chaos out so, I can organize it.

I don't know who you are but if you're reading this far, please stay tuned if you want to say "Wow, that's exactly how I feel."

Do good.

[jaeminlore]

An Artist's Soulmate // Huang Renjun

-

the prompt: renjun x reader artist/soulmate!au where he just has this one “OC” character that he constantly draws like 24/7 n then he bumps into the reader n realises like woah I’ve somehow been drawing you for years, but doesnt tell them cause its a bit creepy. I’ll leave the rest up to you bc i wanna be surprised!!

words: 1830

category: soulmate!au + fluff

author note: renjun is the softest and i love him so much and his love for art is so endearing. ft. a few awkward 00 liners.

- destinee

-

Renjun sat in the back of class, his notebook open. However, instead of taking notes, he was busy sketching his favorite OC.

Today he made his unnamed OC into a pirate, complete with a sword and a bandana keeping their curly hair back.

Jeno leaned to the side and watched his lab partner draw for a moment. “Why does your pirate have pink hair?”

Renjun shrugged and whispered back, “I felt like it.”

“It’s cute,” Jeno commented, staring at the drawing. “But isn’t that the same character you draw all the time?”

“So?” Renjun asked defensively. “Why can’t I draw my favorite character?”

“Don’t favorite characters have names and personalities?” Jeno asked, this time simply out of curiosity. “I find it strange that you haven’t made a personality or a name for this character.”

“It doesn’t need one,” Renjun said, quietly ending the conversation by going back to shadowing in his colored pirate ship.

-

The next day, Renjun sat at his desk with Jeno again, this time drawing a portrait.

He was so inthralled in the individual strands of ebony hair on his OC’s head that he barely heard the teacher announce that a new transfer student had arrived. He certainly hadn’t heard their name.

But when he looked up, just to see why a new voice had followed his teacher’s, his breath caught in his throat.

You smiled from the front of the classroom and bowed, “Hello, I’m Y/n Y/l/n.”

Everyone spoke back the default greeting, but it was Renjun who couldn’t open his mouth to speak. It was as if his mouth was filled with sawdust and his head was filled with lead. He dared to look at Jeno, but the younger boy perhaps didn’t notice what was right in front of him.

You looked just like Renjun’s OC drawings. Aside from the colored hair, and the fact that you obviously weren’t a pirate, or a conductor, or a circus trainer like some of the sketches Renjun had drawn. Renjun looked down at the historical-esque portrait he was drawing of his OC. Only it didn’t looked like his OC; it looked like you.

When you began to walk down the aisle to your desk, which was conveniently right across from his, Renjun hastily shoved his notebook in his bag, feeling his cheeks heat up.

He chewed on his eraser as the teacher talked, wondering if he should tell Jeno. Wouldn’t that be a weird thing to bring up?

Maybe he would wait until he got to the dorm, where he could ask Sicheng about it.

That seemed like the safest option, and the one where he was least likely to get ridiculed, so he set his mind on that option.

He just couldn’t help but look at you from time to time, however. Just how had he managed to draw you so perfectly detailed? You even had the same mole on your neck that his OC always had.

Renjun felt goosebumps on the back of his neck. It was a bit creepy. How could he bare to look at you knowing he had literally hundreds of drawing, doodles, and paintings of you in his room?

So he ignored you when you caught his eye and gave him a friendly smile. He turned away, seemingly disinterested.

You kept on watching him, a bit confused as to why he gave you the cold shoulder.

-

“Are you serious?” Sicheng asked. He placed a cup of tea in front of Renjun before sipping some tea from his own cup and sitting down.

Renjun nodded, hugging a throw pillow and staring at the tea sitting on the coffee table. “I feel like a creep.”

“How can you be a creep?” Sicheng asked. “She just transferred to your school.”

“From another school only an hour from here,” Renjun replied. “What if I saw her before and subconsciously turned her into my OC? What if I’m that guy.”

Sicheng laughed and shook his head, “Somehow, I don’t think your that guy, as you say. Maybe you two are soulmates.”

“Soulmates?” Renjun choked on his own spit at the sound of such a grown-up word. He was only a junior in high school for crying out loud. He took a sip of tea to stop the choking, and ended up with a slightly burnt tongue thanks to his inability to sip slowly. “W-Why would we be soulmates?”

Sicheng shrugged, “It’s inevitable to get the soulmate link sometime in your life. Maybe this is it.”

Renjun shook his head in disbelief, eyeing the tattoo on Sicheng’s neck. “Why wouldn’t I get a tattoo like you? Or a timer like Kun hyung?”

“Maybe it’s rare,” Sicheng answered. “Look, I wouldn’t worry about it too much. Why don’t you go wash up and head to bed.”

Renjun swallowed nervously and nodded, obeying the older boy’s words. “Okay. Thanks.”

“Anytime.”

-

Renjun had a hard time sleeping that night. After tossing and turning for the umpteenth time, he finally huffed and kicked his covers off of his warm body. He grabbed his phone off of his nightstand and quickly logged onto the internet, searching all the known forums for soulmate links.

There it was: link-type 93. He clicked on the link presented and scrolled down, reading as he went.

An artist’s link is one of the only known links that works on only one side of the pair. The chosen side will draw the unchosen side as their muse, the urge to see them so strong that their artistic abilities will push forth and allow their subconscious to see their soulmate, whether their physical eyes have or not. When the chosen side witnesses the unchosen side for the first time, they will know their soulmate.

Renjun let out a sigh. Of relief or frustration, he did not know. All he could figure out was that he was the chosen side, and you had no way of knowing the two of you were soulmates unless he told you himself.

Which he vowed to never do until the two of you were older.

-

Even near the end of the school year, Renjun had kept his promise to himself. He hadn’t told you.

He felt too young to have a soulmate, and too young to be thinking about soulmates. Plus, he would’ve really liked to get your opinion on the whole situation. Except he couldn’t without telling you the truth.

All of his friends knew by now, and they loved to tease Renjun by calling you OC around him.

You eventually caught wind of the nickname, and one day dared to ask your lab partner, Jaemin, what it meant.

Jaemin stared at you for a long time, his mind reeling a million miles a minute to come up with anything that could keep you off Renjun’s scent. “It means obnoxious collarbones.”

You looked down at your shirt that did, in fact, show a hint of your collarbones. You frowned thoughtfully, “Obnoxious? I thought they were always kind of nice.”

Jaemin stood up nervously, “Ha ha, yeah, I guess me and my friends don’t think so. Well, gotta blast!”

“Wait—” you ran after him, confused, only to bump into the only other person left in the room.

“Sorry!” You said, bending down to pick up their things. You grabbed a sketchbook that was conveniently open, and stole a glance at the drawings inside. With a gasp and a quick look at whom the sketchbook belonged to, you continued to look through the book.

You had never talked to Renjun, save to ask about notes or to borrow a pencil. That was why you were so utterly surprised to see that every single drawing in his notebook was of you.

“It’s not what you think!” Renjun said hastily after he saw what you were doing. He ripped the sketchbook from your grasp. “We’re soulmates!”

If you thought he was creepy before, now he was just delusional. Everyone knew that soulmate links worked both ways. You would have known if he was your soulmate. You would have known as soon as you saw the boy earlier that same school year.

As if he could read your mind, the handsome boy kept talking, “Look, I thought it was weird too. You look like every one of my drawings. Sicheng told me it may have something to do with the soulmate link, so I looked it up. It did.”

You weren’t sure if you should believe him or not. On one hand, he had never done anything creepy or strange before. In fact, he was very generous and helpful in every class you two shared.

On the other hand, you had never heard of a soulmate who couldn’t feel their soulmate link.

Renjun pulled out his phone and handed it to you after clicking a few things.

You saw a screenshot taken from online, describing the artist’s soulmate link. You gulped. “So is that why you have so many weird drawings of me?”

Renjun smiled apologetically. “I didn’t want you to know until we were older. That way I could get to know you for you and you could get to know me for me. But I guess the cat is out of the bag now.”

You sat back, unable to stand up, let alone comprehend what was going on. “Let me get this straight: you’ve been drawing pictures of me before you even knew me?”

“Yeah,” Renjun answered. He flipped to a page in his sketchbook and showed you a drawing, clearly dated sometime two years ago. “I’m not creepy, I swear.”

You breathed out a small sigh. “Okay. It’s not the ideal soulmate link every girl dreams of, but it’s not that bad.”

“You mean it?” Renjun asked, offering you a hesitant smile.

“I do,” you answered. “I supposed we should go on a date or something now, since we’re going to spend the rest of our lives together.”

Renjun smiled and threw his backpack onto his shoulder before offering you a hand. As he pulled you up, he spoke, “There’s this photo gallery downtown that just opened. Should we go after school?”

“Okay,” you agreed.

The two of you walked out of the classroom, shoulders occasionally brushing. Every once in awhile you would look at Renjun, only to see him already staring at you. Then the two of you would look away with soft blushes on your cheeks as you realized you had been caught.

“By the way,” you brought up, “Does OC really mean obnoxious collarbones?”

“What?” Renjun laughed. “No! OC means original character. You were my OC, and that’s why the boys called you that. They were teasing me.”

“Oh,” you smiled and looked at the ground. “So, are there any other drawings of me?”

“Tons,” Renjun answered. “I’ll show them to you one day, if you want.”

You smiled at your new-found soulmate, only to see him already grinning fondly at you. “I’d like that.”

~the end~

[bambamsgotjams]

Classmate!Joshua

I hope this can be the start of a new series for me! I got this idea entirely off of a click and drag I did so credits to the user who gave me this idea. I made both Joshua and the reader be transfer students from America so if you aren’t in any way American, bare with me here. (fair warning that this is going to sound really cheesy and corny like most fanfics)

Joshua is such a softy

And a sweetheart

I feel like he would be that cute boy that everyone just kind of likes

But he would be so quiet due to the fact that he’s a transfer student from America

He doesn’t really know his Korean very well and would be super anxious to say anything in front of the class

Of course he knew his basics and could put together some really simple sentences

But he was afraid that he didn’t know enough to carry on a full conversation with his peers

So he just kind of kept to himself and sat in the corner by himself

He would also be super shy when it would come to meeting new people

Like he considered himself socially awkward and he thought he wasn’t able to make friends easily because of that

He constantly thinks about all of the friends that he could make if he actually became confident in himself with his Korean

But he’s too nervous to ask for help

And his online Korean classes are too confusing for him

So that’s the main reason why he rarely spoke

He pretty much blames it all on his lack of self confidence as to the reason why he’s so quiet and shy and won’t speak to people

But that all changes when you arrive

You had become a transfer student to a new school in Korea due to some issues you had at home

Basically your parents hadn’t always been the best to you

And it got to the point where you didn’t really feel safe being around them

So you found out that you actually had an aunt who was living in Korea at the time

And lucky for you

The school you went to was offering for some students to have the chance to study abroad in Korea

So wanting the chance to finally get away from your life in America you managed to somehow convince your parents to let your study abroad

It didn’t really take much convincing to be honest

Sometimes you felt like they could care less about what you do

But luckily your aunt was willing to take you in as her own daughter and allowed you to stay with her in Korea for a while

To prepare for transferring schools

You signed up for a couple of online classes to help teach you Korean

And within a few months you knew your basics

You weren’t terrible at it

But you also weren’t exactly good

Your aunt had reassured you though that your Korean was just fine to get you through an average day in Korea

And finally the day came when you were able to transfer schools for the next year or two

Korea did take some getting used to at first

But the people there were pretty nice

A lot of your neighbors seemed impressed that a young teenager was willing to spend a couple years in a foreign country to study abroad

They all seemed to praise you for knowing Korean so well in such a short amount of time

Your school was impressed too

They had told you that you would fit in just fine with their students

Having the reassurance from so many people had kind of made you less nervous about talking to your peers

On your first day the principal had so kindly escorted you to your first class

The teacher had welcomed you inside with a warm smile and motioned for you to stand in front of the class to introduce yourself

Your peers looked kind of dead and bored

You couldn’t blame them though because who ever really wants to be up at this time in the morning to learn

You took a deep breath before speaking in your best Korean

“hello my name is y/n and i’m a transfer student from america. i hope you all take care of me~”

The class had responded with a couple of deep mummers before the teacher showed you an empty desk in the back of the room

You had happily taken your seat in the back and set your stuff down as the teacher began to speak

During her lesson

You couldn’t help but let your mind wander as you looked around the class room

Your eyes landed on a cute looking boy who was a couple seats down in the row next to you

He had soft brown eyes and his hair was nice and silky looking

His uniform looked clean and well put together

Basically he looked like a cute little school boy who was ready to learn

You couldn’t help but notice that he had a really handsome face

Your favorite feature of him was probably his lips

They looked so soft and full

You couldn’t help but think about what it would feel like to kiss them

You found yourself so caught up in daydreaming about the cute boy that you didn’t notice him turn his head in your direction

And you didn’t even realize that your eyes had locked for a couple seconds until you saw him turn away with a blush on his cheeks

And you finally realized how creepy your probably looked starring at this really cute boy and damn you thought that you really messed up that first impression

The first month you spend at the school actually went by better than you expected

You managed to make some really good friends there

You even had a small group of people who willingly accepted you into their friend group

You remember them introducing themselves as Hansol, Seokmin, and the ‘I’m-that-really-annoying-guy-who-you’re-probably-going-to-hate-at-some-point-bc-of-my-lame-jokes’ (a.k.a Kwon Soonyoung)

They basically took you under their wing and were the first people to accept you for you

You proabably got along most with Hansol, who was a freshman, due to the fact that you both were American

The two of you were basically best friends

And your favorite activity would to speak in english in front of Sookmin and Soonyoung just to see the look they would give you as they tried to figure out wtf you were actually saying

Eventually they just started getting the idea that everything you said was a compliment

Like you could say that Seokmin’s screeching reminded you of a whale and he would just kind of

“yes i know i’m the most handsome man in the who school you don’t have to remind me”

And you and Hansol would just kind of roll your eyes

As much as you loved your best friends

You couldn’t help but want only one person to talk to you

And that was the same cute boy that you shared your first class with

Actually he was in a couple of your advanced classes

But you guys never crossed paths or spoke with each other since the incident where you basically ruined your chances of getting him to like you because just just had to be creepy and stare at his cute face and kissable lips

You began to give up on ever getting the chance to talk to him until one day after class

You had been called down to the office for a quick screening and you were already ten minutes late to your next class so you grabbed all of your things and rushed as quickly as you could down the empty hall

You were making great time until you just had to crash into a tall object

Or person

When you looked to apologize to the person

You noticed that you were now face to face with the really cute boy in your advanced classes

“are you okay?”

You swore you never heard an angel speak such good english as this one right in front of you

You just kind of stared at him for a bit before letting out a weird jumble of words

Like you couldn’t even remember what you were saying because it was that messy

The boy just kind of laughed and helped you pick you your books

As he handed you your last one, your fingers brushed together

And you both just kind of stood there without moving

You were sure in that moment that the boy felt the same fluttery feeling you did judging by the look in his eyes

He was the first to break the silence and smiled at you

“my name is joshua and i think we have some of the same classes”

You would just kind of stare at him and stutter

“i’m y/n and i think you have a really cute face”

It would take you a moment before you would facepalm at the words that just came out of your mouth

Joshua just seemed to kind of laugh at your response and move his other hand to push a stray piece of hair behind your ear

“i’ll see you in calculus, darling”

And he would strut off just like that

Just leaving you standing there wondering what the hell just happened

Later that night you would be fangirling to Hansol over the phone and he would just kind of sit there on the other line ready to hang up because of how girly you were acting

But you knew he was too much of a sweetheart to do that

Hansol understood how much you like Joshua

It’s not like he’s all you ever really talked about or anything

Nooooo, not at all

Every day for the next few weeks you and Joshua would always stop to say hello whenever you saw each other in the halls

And you would always work on classwork together in your classes

You found yourself falling in love with Joshua and his character

He was actually a really interesting person

You found out that the reason he was so good at english was because he had lived in LA for most of his life before moving to Korea

And he was always quiet because he was afraid to speak in Korean because it was apparently really bad

All of your classmates began to ship the two of you together because it was so cute seeing you and Joshua acting all cutesy with your new friendship

Seokmin and Soonyoung would always tease you about it saying that you and Joshua were going to get married and live on a farm in America with 12 kids and 30 pigs

And it would make you really embarrassed to the point where Hansol would sigh and respond sassily to them

“at least in her future she’s going to get married unlike you guys who will probably live with each other and a million cats”

And that would get them to shut up

After the first 3 months of school you realized that you managed to survive a whole season at a foreign school

As the month of Winter began everyone began to buzz about the fancy Winter formal that was coming up

And Joshua was beginning to act weird around you

You noticed that he would become quieter and quieter as the weeks rolled on and the formal grew closer

It eventually came to the point where he grew distant

And it kind of scared you because talking to him was the only way you could be close to him

He never really did work with you anymore and basically ignored you in the halls

It got you thinking about what you did wrong to make him ignore you

You talked to your friends about it asking them why guys were always so weird

But they didn’t give you a legit response and it kind of upset you

A week until the formal and you were kind of hoping Joshua would ask you to go with him but your hopes were slowly washing away because it got the point where he didn’t even acknowledge you

One day when you were about to head home after school

Hansol pulled you in the opposite direction despite your protests for him to stop

Once you got the the school yard he told you to sit down at the fountain and just wait

You looked at him confused but you listened to him and trusted that he knew what was going on

A couple minutes after Hansol left you began to hear the soft strumming of a guitar

You sat quietly and listened as an oddly familiar voice began to sing

You furrowed your eyebrows before standing up from your spot on the fountain and walking to the other side

There you saw Joshua looking right back at you as he continued to sing

When he was done, he set his guitar next to him and waited for you to say something

Only you couldn’t

You just kind of stood there like “wow this man can really sing”

Joshua stood up and took your hands in his own

He looked right into your eyes and smiled sweetly and you swear that your heart melted

He pushed a strand of hair behind your ear just like he did when you first ran into each other

“sorry i’ve been ignoring you, i just couldn’t find the right words on how to say this”

oh boy

Now your heart was beating so fast you swear that it was going to burst

Joshua could probably hear how hard it was pounding at this point

“y/n i’ve liked you since the first time i caught such a pretty girl starring at me and i was hoping that you would go to the formal with me???”

And that’s when your heart exploded

All you could do was nod your head a super speed and wrap your arms around his neck

Joshua was taken aback but hugged your back and gOD IT FELT SO GOOD

Immediately when you got home you gave Hansol a ring

And you found out that he basically helped set it up by telling Joshua that a special someone had a huge crush on him

At first you wanted to hit Hansol for spilling to your crush about your crush on him

But you couldn’t help but love him at the same time for it because you would never have had the guts to talk to Joshua about it on your own

Fast forward to the night of the dance

You had the prettiest ball gown that anyone had ever seen

Your aunt made sure to take lots a pictures for her memory book

And when you answered your door

Joshua basically stopped breathing and looked so awestruck at how beautiful you were

He would be so cheesy with the compliments he would give you

“wow, i thought that just seeing you was the most beautiful thing in the world but here you have invented a whole different level”

And you would blush so hard at his compliments

Your aunt waved as the two of you headed off the to big dance

Once you got there your heart was pounding because you were so nervous

You wanted his night to be perfect

Well, with Joshua it already was

But you wanted to have every girl’s dream dance

You had the perfect date and now all you needed that romantic dance where you got your first kiss

Sadly that didn’t happen because Joshua didn’t really have the balls to kiss you yet

But you did have a great time

All your friends showed up and basically joined in on yours and Joshua’s date

He didn’t seemed to mind so you just kind of went with it

You did get your slow dance with him on the plus side

He was kind of awkward when first dancing with you

But as he became less tense and nervous he looked basically like a pro

By the end of the night

Being the gentleman that Joshua is

He walked up up to your door

You thanked him for having such a great night

And he just kind of stood there with his cheeks flushed pink saying that it was not problem

Before he left he placed a sweet kiss to your cheek

And right after the two of you heard a snap of a camera so you pulled apart and glared at your aunt who just giggled and ran away

So in the end you kind of did get your kiss even if it wasn’t as perfect as you wanted it

The next few weeks at school you and Joshua were basically stuck together

Everyone thought you guys were a couple at this point because of the tings you would do

Like walking through the halls hand in hand

Or always making sure to sit next to each other at lunch

And confronting Seokmin together when he started a rumor that you actually were dating

But you kind of had to thank him for that one because after that Joshua was just kinda like

“why not”

And that’s you you guys became an item

He would be the sweetest boyfriend awe

He always made sure to hold the doors open for you

He helped you with your homework

And he always made it his priority to spend time with you everyday to make sure you didn’t feel alone

After 3 months of dating your friends began to bug you guys about why you haven’t had your first kiss

Hansol smacked them both on the back of their heads and apologized to you guys for your friend’s stupidity

But you too kind of began to wonder why you haven’t had your first kiss yet

You didn’t want to rush Joshua though because you knew he got really shy and nervous about these things

Joshua on the other hand felt bad because he felt like he was holding you back

So he did plan to give you both yours and his first kiss

When he was over at your place on a late Friday night

Your aunt had gone out with a couple of friends and told you that she wouldn’t be home until the next afternoon

So Joshua said he would stay the night with you to keep you company

He showed up with tons of snacks and movies for you guys to watch

You sat for hours upon hours watching corny old movies

You got really tired and you leaned your head on Joshua’s shoulder

You felt his lips press to your temple, not moving from their place for a while

You pulled away from him and looked up at him with concern asking if he was okay

He bit his lip nervously and played with his fingers in his lap before looking at you dead in the eye

“can i....kiss you?”

You were kind of taken aback in shock

You just smiled and giggled at him before cupping his cheeks

“you don’t have to ask silly”

And you pressed your lips onto his own

And damn were your right about your first impression of his lips all those months ago

They were just as soft and sweet as the looked

Kissing him was like being in a dream

It was something beyond what you could have imagined

The two of you pulled away only when you needed to breathe

“wow”

was all that he could say

You blushed and leaned your head on his shoulder again as you finished watching your movies

If you thought that you and Joshua were close before

Well damn you guys were even closer now if all possible

You were that couple that couldn’t bare being away from the other

But everyone thought it was more cute than annoying

Mainly because they’ve never seen a girl make Joshua so happy before in his life

In fact they were shocked that you were able to help him open up more

He talked a lot more in classes

Made a couple more friends

But what really shocked them is when he stood up for little Chan being bullied in the hallway

They were basically beating the poor kid up to a little pulp until your boyfriend stepped in and threw a punch at the kid who was beating up Chan

He did get in trouble and ended up getting detention

But you didn’t mind because he had the right heart

Chan couldn’t stop thanking Joshua and was basically a puppy to him for the rest of the school year

He always followed you guys around

It did get annoying, but you understood that Chan didn’t have any friends so you took him under your wing

The school year seemed to fly by so fast and now you and Joshua were graduating

The only person who was a worse mess than you that day was your aunt

She was so proud that her niece was graduating high school

The whole thing was such a sad moment but one of the best in your life

She even gave you and Joshua cute couple ideas for your graduation pictures

You were kind of worried about losing Joshua after graduation because you were returning to the states for college

But he promised you that he would wait and visit you every chance he got

It didn’t happen that often

But you guys were able to spend winter break and summer together

You guys were the high school sweethearts that ended up getting married later in your life

And everyone thought you were goals okay

You were so grateful that you got to meet a man like Joshua

Going to Korea was by far the best choice you ever made in your life

[bamgyawn]

get to know me tag

I was tagged by @jinfluenza thank you!!!!

Last…

1.Drink: water (because i have no more pop)

2. Phone Call: united blood services because they never stop calling me 

3.Text message: “reading is so much better” to my friend

4. Song you listened to: willy wonka’s welcome song from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

5.Time you cried: several months ago though i might in a second with what my mom is doing

Have you ever…

6. Dated someone twice: No way

7. Been cheated on: nope

8. Kissed someone and regretted it: Yes

9. Lost someone special: No

10. Been depressed: For 6 years

11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: I have never gotten drunk i am a law-abiding citizen

List 3 Favorite colors:

Brown, pink and orange

In the last year have you…

15. Made new friends: Yes

16. Fallen out of love: Yep

17. Laughed until you cried: Yes definitely it was because of some joke my friend britt told me 

18: Found out someone was talking about you: yes it was like a week ago

19. Met someone who changed you: yes

20. Found out who your true friends are: Kinda? I don’t have a ton of friends

21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: the last time i got kissed was 2 years ago 

General:

22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: literally like all of them i have like 95 friends

23. Do you have any pets: i got one dog she is a sheltie

24: Do you want to change your name: I technically go by another name online and i would probably change it if i had that chance

25: What did you do for your last birthday: I went to Ihop and saw Underworld: Blood Wars

26: What time did you wake up: 9:30 am because i got work

27. What were you doing at midnight last night: I was writing and watching Bones!

28: Name something you cannot wait for: Go to seoul for school

29: When was the last time you saw your mother: last week when we picked up my sister, before that it was in May

30: What is the one thing you wish you could change about your life: I wish I could be prettier

31. What are you listening to right now: the show The Killing Season

32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: I knew a guy named Thomas in elementary school

33. Something that is getting on your nerves: when people do something without asking

34: Most visited website: tumblr, ao3 and youtube

35: Elementary: are you asking for my elementary school name? because i had like 4

36: High school: been to three high schools

37: College/University: I am currently waiting to go to Seoul National University for a semester

38: Hair color: Brown

39: Long or short hair: its just barely past my collarbones

40: Do you have a crush on someone: yes but i dunno if it is a crush crush or just me being emotional

41: What do you like about yourself: i have a generally good memory

42: Piercings: my ear but i never wear earrings (which makes me feel bad bc a friend bought me earrings)

43: Blood type: A+

44. Nickname: Nezu, Nez

45. Relationship status: single because what is dating

46: Zodiac sign: Aquarius

47: Pronouns: They/Them but i honestly don’t care what you call me lol its not like i’ll get offended

48: Favorite TV show: No.6 (anime)

49: Tattoos: I have the characters  花樣年華 with a butterfly on my left forearm and the Wings album logo with “wings” across the top on my right wrist, I am going to get a Disney tattoo at some point on my right arm as well

50. Right or Left: Right

First…

51: Surgery: never had one

52: Piercing: ears

53: Sport: soccer

54: Vacation: Disney World (haven’t really been anywhere lol)

55. Eating: I just had some chicken with rice

56: Drink: water

57: I’m about to: try and make out what the hell my mom is talking about in her email

58: Listening to: the show i am watching

59: Waiting for: Seoul!!

60: Want: to go to disney world/disneyland I would literally die for it

61: Career: I want to be an English teacher

Which is better…

62: Hugs or Kisses: Hugs

63: Lips or eyes: lips

64: Shorter or Taller: shorter

65: Older or Younger: Older

66: Nice arms or nice stomach: Nice arms

67: Sensitive or loud: Sensitive

68: Hook up or relationship: Relationship

69: Troublemaker or Hesitant: I am hesitant but i like troublemakers

Have you ever…

70: Kissed a stranger? No who would kiss me lol

71: Drank hard liquor? yes (though i probably shouldn’t have)

72: Lost glasses contact/lenses? i don’t wear glasses but will probably have to soon

73:Turned someone down? if you count nasty perverts then yes, otherwise never had the chance

74. Sex on first date? never even been on a date let alone had sex

75: Broken someone’s heart? no

76: Had your heart broken? definitely

77: Been arrested? hell no

78: Cried when someone died? yes but mainly because it was others around me

79: Fallen for a friend? . . . yes

Do you believe in…

80: Yourself? ehh

81: Miracles? no

82: Love at first sight? in theory, yes

83: Santa Claus? No that died long ago

84: Kiss on the first date? if i like you enough maybe but then again never dated

85: Angels? no

Other…

86: Current best friends name: i mean i don’t think i have a best friend but if i had to name one person that could be close it would be britt

87: Eye color: blue

88: Favorite movie: train to busan 

imma do some mutuals too so here we go

@sonyeondamnfine @suganochu @minyoongistummy @wanna-be-your-star-astr0

[minishmarbles]

Long vent, strap in.

When I was born, I was named Abigayle Kristynn Rayne Gibbs. To break down that name, Abigail means "father's joy," and my parents did that white people thing where they spelt it wrong. Then Kristynn means "follower of Christ." This was not a planned thing, my parents just thought it sounded cool and it was similar to my sister's name, "Korrynn." Rayne was after "The Rainbow Connection" a Muppets song my mother loved growing up.

I was supposed to be the rainbow at the end of the storm for my parents.

My mom and dad had lost a baby before I was born to birth complications.

By birth complications I mean the nurse was a bitch and called my mom a liar because she was giving birth two weeks before expected, the doctors made my mom wait two days in the worst pain she'd ever been in and when they finally performed an emergency C section, Korry had wrapped her chord around her throat while trying to be born, suffocating her and resulting in a stillbirth.

Korryn, the baby that my mom and dad were so excited to welcome into this world, had slipped through their fingers, and was lost on Friday, December 13th. Korry Gibbs didn't breath a single breath before it was all stolen from her lungs by doctors who didn't give a shit.

Thus I was born. A sloppy replacement, and a hope for my parents that they could go back to normal and be happy again. I was born in Las Vegas on October Tenth.

Then, my little sister was born two years after me. The family that was once broken apart now had 5 children in it, my older brother Kyle, my older sister Angelyka, my older sister Kayla, me and my younger sister Isabella.

But even though I was there to help my parents heal, instead of being a cast on a broken arm, I was a bit more of a bandaid on a laceration. My mom was still broken to pieces, and my dad was barely hanging on.

It was never exactly hidden from me that that's why I was born, but it was said in much nicer and optimistic tones. Stuff like "that's how you got your name! Because you made your dad so happy, and we know you will forever!" And "Korry would be really proud to have you be her sister" were. Small.

The small things gathered and I began to realise what they really mean. "We need you to be happy!" "We expect a lot from you!" "We really can't handle you being what we don't expect!"

And even though my mom and dad never realised that's what they were saying, that's how I read into it. If i was sad i didn't go to my parents. If i was making trouble that was my fault. All of the pressure wasn't put on my explicitly, but it was there.

It got worse when I got into school, and turned out to be very good at it. I never needed to practice counting, I never had to practice writing, never had to read the whole story to know what would happen. I was good at drawing, i was good at thinking, I got As ans Bs and was in a special class for Gifted students called GATE (Gifted And Talented Educations) i had it all. Sure I wasn't the best at reading or talking but that was okay, I was smart. At least that was my train of thought.

Every ego booster was more to add to the pressure to keep it up. The more people expected the less i felt i was putting on the table.

By third grade I was almost completely quiet, and never spoke unless spoken to. If I spoke, I could be wrong, and that would be bad. I didn't raise my hand and I had a hard time telling people if i felt sick or upset (that being said, I still went home sick a lot. The nurse knew me by name and we talked a lot. I knew her daughter too.)

In fourth grade I made friends. Their names were Lauren and Emily. I don't feel ashamed saying it now because they have very unoriginal names. Abigayle isn't much better frankly, but no ones going to single these girls out ever bc you really can't.

Lauren was half South Korean, and was a swimmer. She was very smart, and looked a lot more like her dad than her mom.

Emily was a redhead with glasses and was also very smart. Her mom was a teacher.

I was close friends with them, and we would talk a lot about nothing in particular. Emily and Lauren were closer to each other than to me, but that was ok, i was okay being the third wheel.

Now a little bit about me in 4th grade. I was very tall, taking boxing, kinda scary looking and very quiet. This made it easy for what Lauren and Emily did to me to succeed.

Sometime after winter break, Lauren and Emily started to spread rumors about me bullying them. Insulting Emily's red hair (which was bullshit, my mom has red hair and I later dyed my hair red) and making fun of Lauren for being Korean were just two of the things they said I did.

No one wanted to be friends with me, because I was "mean" to Lauren and Emily. Even though it had never happened. I was isolated.

The rumors got so bad i was taken to the counselor's office, were she told me for 20 minutes I was lying and being mean. I went home that night in tears. I lost all of my friends for something I didn't do.

I would be lying if I said I knew why they did that. But it sort of sparked a fear in me. If this is how it was when I wasn't mean, imagine how it would be if i WAS. from then on, i was paranoid every action I made was mean.

In middle school, I had no friends from Elementary, and I moved across town. Puberty hit before I knew how to deal with it and I got my period without knowing what it was. I was alone again, and only really liked my sixth grade art and science classes, my seventh grade history and my eighth grade math.

During middle school is when my relationship with my mother took a nosedive, and it had a significant impact on how I did in school. All the normal teen angst was multiplied by how bad my arguments were with my mom, as I watched her mental health decline while dragging down my own and no one else in my family paid attention.

My grades sucked for the first time ever. I wasn't perfect. I went down a spiral of self loathing and confusion, and came to the conclusion I was stupid.

In 8th grade, at a time I had no friends I talked to outside of class, after an argument with my mom, I attempted suicide. It was a stupid attempt at overdosing, i tried to use the only thing i had, a bottle of alergy meds. I threw up, went to sleep, and even though i had terrible muscle spasms and felt sick to my stomach and very tired, it obviously didnt work. I would go on to attempt overdosing five times, none working.

Upon hearing i had attempted to kill myself, both my mom and dad threatened me with physical violence and being forcefully sent to a hospital. Even though i had been talking to them constantly about my mental state and how I needed proffesional help or even just someone to talk to, they acted as if there were no warning signs even though i had been very clear i was having suicidal thoughts. They forced me to do the dishes while i was dizzy and still spasming.

The only friends I reaally had were online. I had no one to talk to irl. So i began to overshare where I was anonymous.

In Highschool, not much changed, but my family began to notice my mom was nuts too and i got like. 2 friends only one of whom and im still talking to.

My mom and dad split in 2019, and the night before my dad and my and my sister left, my mom said she wished I'd died in birth instead of Korry.

Im still depressed, im not going by my birth name anymore, and im still super fucking suicidal. Oops.

Tldr : im a failure oops.