#bc we talked about that movie too. because gambit

[mat-neptune]

HE'S INSANE???!???

[tortoisebore]

love your rambles love <3 what about their favorite movies/shows?

oooooo this is a good one

for movies i think remus would enjoy historical type stuff, so period pieces and war movies and all that. he'd talk about 1917 for weeks after seeing it. he's a wes anderson girlie too & he loved the french dispatch so much he bought a poster online & hung it in the living room. pride & prejudice is just always on in the background & he had to buy another DVD bc he watched the other one so much that it just...,.didn't work anymore. anna karenina with kiera knightly is one of his favorites, and it was the first movie he & sirius watched together (it's now in sirius' top ten movies of all time). he'd also force sirius to watch les mis even though it's like four hours long & by the end they're both crying.

on that note, sirius is a musical-adaptation girlie. he saw the phantom of the opera with gerard butler at a formative age and the rest was history. he dragged james to see la la land in theaters eight times in two weeks. remus makes him watch les mis & he's really put out about it until 'valjean's soliloquy' and then he just cries for the next two hours. but he's also a secret sci-fi and suspense stan, so he'd be a little bit in love with christopher nolan and inception would be one of his favorite movies. he watched interstellar once with regulus and never will again because it sent him on a two day emotional spiral & remus was worried. he's going to be first in line for oppenheimer. he & remus bookclubbed dune before it came out & they saw it three times the first week after the premiere. he's 75% in love with jordan peele & will physically harm anyone that thought nope was his worst movie.

they both love a good comedy and rom com, though, and movie night is usually something like bridget jones or she's the man. they quote mean girls back and forth constantly and remus does a really good impression of jane lynch in 'another cinderella story.' they have a framed picture of jennifer coolidge in the living room and two copies of legally blonde on DVD. sirius also bought it on amazon prime, just in case.

i think they'd do a lot of tv shows together, so their tastes kind of intermingle. remus leans toward quotable comedies like parks & rec and new girl, maybe friends if he's in the right mood. sirius likes the dark and dry comedies, like fleabag and what we do in the shadows. remus would want to watch stuff like the queen's gambit and the great (he enjoys it but cuts in every twenty seconds with 'this isn't actually what happened, you know' and sirius is like 'yes baby i know it's just a show') and sirius would want to try things like pen15

but their mutual favorite show and the place where their tastes intersect perfectly is arrested development. it's stupid and hilarious and quotable & they talk about it constantly. none of their friends except for peter have seen it so when they're out as a group it's just remus and sirius and peter going back and forth about 'beads???' and 'there's always money in the banana stand' and 'family love michael.' it's really annoying to everyone else & they can't even really explain where the quotes come from because it's all one big long running joke in the show that doesn't even make sense anymore.

like, they're out for brunch on saturday and the place has a french toast plate called "mr. frenchy" and remus goes "🎶mr. F🎶" and then sirius almost spits mimosa all over the table & it's coming out of his nose and peter chokes on a piece of cantaloupe and falls out of his chair. and everyone else at the table is like 😧🫢😟��� 'what the hell' and remus is like 'it....would take too long to explain.' and peter is on the ground and sirius is crying when the waiter comes back to take their orders & james just goes 'we're gonna need another minute'

[finniestoncrane]

congrats on 1k Finnie!!! u deserve all the hype!! I’m gonna throw myself in the ring for the event, respectfully requesting number 9

a little bit about me is that I’m 4’10 (pun intended), I have brown eyes, reaaallly long curly brown hair, I wear glasses (the dano riddler kind LMAO), my fashion sense basically Bella Swan from Twilight, I’m questioning my sexuality/bordering on unlabeled so I’m fine with anyone, I’m an INTP 5w6, and a Leo (I don’t know shit about astrology lol.)

my hobbies include:

- acting, which is ironic bc I can’t stand theater kids lmao

- writing, whether it be my cringe ass fanfics, or to my feelings (or lack there of), or to the dreams I have at night, I gotta always have it documented

- watching movies, specifically horror or comedy. If I have any free time, u can GUARANTEE u that I’m going to being at home watching a movie, or at the theater with my friends. If I could legally marry my favorite movie, I would.

personality wise, I come off as very blunt and have a really dry sense of humor to everyone I meet. When I’m in my element, I can’t help but let my wit get the better of me. I am legitimately confident in my capabilities and myself. I can almost always talk my way in or out of situations. I love cracking jokes at any given moment and I always enjoy making anyone laugh, I’ve been told that I have good comedic timing so obviously, I gotta keep going with it. I also curse a lot, like I need a censor bar around my mouth at all times lol. I’m not afraid to stand up for myself or my friends and honestly, I kinda enjoy to. I absolutely value humor and friendship the most, and they are what keep me going. If I could describe myself as 5 fictional characters, I’d be Mickey Milkovich (Shameless), MJ (MCU), Ruth Langmore (Ozark), Louise Belcher (Bob’s Burgers), and Beth Harmon (The Queen’s Gambit). My positive traits are humorous, competitive, straight-forward, creative, and quick-witted

on the flip side, when I’m in a newish setting or a setting where I’m off my game/ not feeling myself, I’m ice cold, rarely speaking to anyone and if I do, it’s venomous. I tend to isolate myself and obsessively throw myself into whatever it is I need to do and just be done with it. I try to maintain a high level of professionalism and confidence and hold myself to a high standard, becoming wildly competitive and forcing myself to be better than everyone, basically faking it till I make it (and it always works). I tend to hide and bottle up my emotions, and I’m scared of/ hate being emotionally vulnerable. My negative traits are obsessive, indecisive, aggressive, sadistic, and emotionally detached

…and I just realized I went on for waaay too long lmao sorry. congrats again on 1k!!!

🎀 No.9: Ever Fallen In Love With Someone 🎀

tell me a little bit about yourself and i'll give you a rogue pairing a/n: thank you!! it's funny, with this one i thought of several rogues and then suddenly it came to me in a moment of sheer inspiration and i was like "oh shit yeah that's the one" 1k milestone info! 🔞minors dni🔞 • kofi • tag: finnie1k

i swear to you the height thing is a coincidence but i think a short couple are strong vibes. and he's a mama's boy, so the fact that your hair is long and curly like hers would probably be one of the first things that drew him in

we know he feels about glasses wearers, so... yeah

(side note: i feel you on the theatre kids one, i studied theatre at university and it made me realise i couldn't be a playwrite, because i cannot cope with actors)

ok so oswald has an absolute flair for the dramatics, and don't tell me he wouldn't make an excellent actor. you two could reenact scenes together and write your own plays or movies just for you two!

he strikes me as a diarist, so spending time together writing whatever you're writing while he catches up on his comings and goings in his little unpublished and just for him (for now) autobiography would be one of his favourite wind-down activities at the end of the day

oswald lives his entire life with main character energy and you can't convince me he didn't pick that up from obsessively watching movies about underdogs rising to the top and film noirs. he loves gore and brutality too, so a thriller or a horror would be perfect viewing material for you, and he'd definitely take you to the theatre on a date

ok so, it might be a nightmare putting the two of you together, but it could also potentially be the most fun. both of you are dry, humorous, experts in wit and sarcasm. charming enough to talk your way out of disaster, and into opportunity. together, you'd be a dynamic duo, perfect partners in crime. the confidence you would have separately and together would be insurmountable and intimidating, which oswald would find deeply romantic

little comments and sneaky jokes with the right timing are his forte too, i'm beginning to wonder if you aren't just the same person?

and the aggressive protection of yourself and others? come on, that's just him all over. and he might not swear frequently (although he might have if gotham was more risque) he does yell. a lot. and what extreme screaming match isn't complete without a few good fuck shit cock ass bastards in the mix?

speaking of friends, the loyalty and fierce protection of them would make it easy for him to trust you, which is so important to him. you're obviously a valuable asset in a friendship, and he would treat you as such

it's funny, i always think of oswald (specificalyl in gotham) as louise belcher! very much quick-witted and humorous, which you both are, and he's obviously extremely competitive, with high self-esteem and a belief he can conquer anything. he's not always straight-froward though, but that's something you can bring to the relationship that he can benefit from

he would understand the isolation and the cold attitude also though. it's a good facade to maintain when you're around new people, especially if you find it difficult to trust or open yourself up to them. a safety mechanism almost. it ties in with the holding yourself to a high-standard. he's dead set on being the king of gotham, a position he would gladly share with you if you could assist him in that professional and personable journey, which by the way, faking it till you make it? he's very familiar with it, umbrella boy to mayor after all

i doubt he'd feel the need to hide his emotions around someone like you who was so similar to him and so trustworthy, but he does that around others and wouldn't blame you for a second for trying not to be vulnerable around him, though he'd hope you'd warm up eventually

and please, your negative traits are all ones he holds in high-esteem within himself so get ready to have your ego boosted by him constantly praising you

[diteach]

2020 in review

I was tagged by @apeironaxiomaton to look back at 2020 and pretty much to try and not hate it so much! Thank you!!

Also I’m stealing the idea of putting everything under a cut, which I have never done in my life (and probably should start doing) bc it makes things neat as heck. Almost none of these are in a particular order.

Top 5 movies I saw this year:

Volevo Nascondermi by Giorgio Diritti - this movie is REALLY good AND I have good memories tied to the protagonist for Reasons I’m gonna cry bye (a shame that I’ve only watched this other excellent movie starring Elio Germano tonight bc it should be on this list)

Emma (2020)

The King’s Speech

Spirited Away or Porco Rosso - I had watched the first before and never the second so I think the fairer choice would be Porco Rosso but I’m not entirely convinced of it

The Wolf of Wall Street - look, I simply have a weak spot for stories that are so absurd they can be nothing but real (see “the other Elio Germano movie”)

Top 5 TV shows I watched this year:

Murdoch Mysteries - it will stay engraved in the first place of EVERY chart in saecula saeculorum and NO nothing can take its place I don’t care

Peaky Blinders

Alias Grace - which I was sure was a movie? I was so shocked to discover it isn’t like was it really six hours long what the

The Queen’s Gambit

Suburra: Blood on Rome - “The series was developed by Daniele Cesarano and Barbara Petronio for Netflix, making it its first Italian-language original television series.” I’ll be honest, some bits were a little bit hmm-inducing. Not the best tv series I’ve ever seen, but it managed to be fun and easy to watch. Suspenseful even!

Top 5 Songs:

So there’s a reason why Spotify said I’m an octogenarian this year and for as much as I complain about it... it’s right... Spotify’s right. And it will only get worse, I’m afraid. All the songs are from the same playlist which was my most listened to (and is the most interesting to share imo). I swear I have listened to other, newer things as well.

Shake That Thing by The Abe Lyman’s California Orchestra

Night Hawk Blues by The Coon-Sander’s Nighthawk Original Orchestra

Where the Sweet Forget-Me-Nots Remember by Merle Johnston and His Ceco Couriers (I’ve loved these flowers since I was a kid it was so nice to find a song with them in the title!!)

Dew Dew Dewey Day by Nat Shilkret

The Panic is On by Mezz Mezzrow And His Swing Band

Top 5 Books I Read This Year:

so this is embarrassing,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,I “bought” an insane amount of books and read a grand total of...like...t w o. It was actually like four and some short stories (which I hated and are therefore banished from the good boy list) so I’m gonna list my silly little titles and make my silly little comments about them all. From “””””best””””” to “worst” we have:

The Adventures of a Modest Man by Robert W. Chambers - I literally cannot shut up about this book and, yes, it is the one tied to this illustration, about which I equally cannot shut up about. It’s so horrible that it makes a 360 and comes back as good, but not before hitting you with a cardboard tube for a laugh and subsequently stabbing you in the kidneys just because it can. I think we can confidently state that we are in the “I didn’t say it was good, I said I liked it” realm. I have so many questions about this book. Why was it written? Was it taking itself seriously? Was it commissioned by someone? Why is it so gay but only if you know that the author is a man? Maybe it’s a parody? Was it an experiment made by the author to test his own skill? I know jack about literature, unfortunately, so grain of salt here but it made me feel strong feels. Not that I could identify any of them if you asked, but they’re definitely there.

Old Possum’s Book of Practical Cats by T.S. Eliot - I’m counting this in bc what is a book if not a patchwork of silly little paragraphs anyway so yes, we have a collection of poems. Not only do I know jack about literature; as a matter of fact, I know jack about poetry as well! All I’m gonna say is: I like cute things, I like cats, the poems were cute AND about cats. I really liked it! I often find myself going back and reading again specific parts just for the delight it is to read them out loud! I also may or may not have named the cats you can adopt in Stardew Valley after some of Eliot’s cats. The movie Cats (2019) did one good thing: making me read this.

How You Can Keep Fit by Rudolph Valentino - Yes, that is correct. A book on fitness written (in English!) by silent movie superstar Rodolfo Valentino. It is less than 100 pages on real, actual exercises that the reader can replicate in the comfort of their own house with little to no equipment. With a sprinkle of old timey manly manner of speaking, a few anecdotes from the author’s childhood in ye merry Italian countryside, a dusting of precious advice against ice-cream, and a dash of genuine intrigue for these newly discovered “vitamins” everyone is talking about. Overall a fascinating read that I treasure dearly! Valentino also wrote a book of poems, which I am absolutely thrilled to read this year.

For Whom the Bell Tolls by Ernest Hemingway - Hmm.. I have mixed feelings about this one. Whenever the original language of a book is English, I instinctively want to read it in that language. Because I can! And because that way I get to read exactly what the author wrote. If it was another language, I’d get a translation, make peace with the fact that selling my soul to acquire perfect knowledge of all things is morally questionable, and call it a day. Problem: I’m a sucker for old books. And old books I did find indeed. There were three books by Hemingway for sale, very pretty, and for an almost symbolic price too so I bought them. They are Italian translations from the late 50s and my plan was to go through one in Italian, one in English, and after that, decide in which language to read the last one. I believe it was a mistake for me to start with Italian in Hemingway’s case. He’s known for having a very, VERY peculiar style that is integral to how the novels are perceived and I feel like I've robbed myself of literal peace of mind. For as much as I found the story interesting, I could not ignore the voice in the back of my head that kept wondering “was it necessary to render it like this?”. It did make me feel feels and think thoughts, but honestly? It was partially for the wrong reasons imo. It’s one of those books you should read at least once in your life, I guess, so I’m definitely glad I did it! Surprisingly, it captured me more than I expected and trapped me into its little world. I could clearly imagine the scenes in my head, which hadn’t happened in years! I’m really excited to move on to the next two books and finally be able to say if I appreciate his style or not.

Top 5 positive things that happened to me in 2020:

Visited Rome and took a stroll around on my own (sort of) for the first time in my life. I had never seen it at night :) Right after that I celebrated my birthday and got some cute gifts, including sweets that were sent all the way from Australia!!

Managed to buy my mom a gift, which is possibly the only real Accomplishment of 2020.

Took a bizarre trip this summer (I know, guilty) and fell in love with Slovenia

Discovering I like textile arts kinda gave me hope for myself and for the future. I say kinda for I dare not think concretely of anything too positive lest it should be prematurely taken from me. I shan’t elaborate. It is what it is.

Therapy!!!

The last few months of 2020 really hit me hard whereas in the beginning nothing was too bad so it was nice to see the list growing and growing! So many tiny good things happened and it’s worth to cling onto them. I’m tagging @sonicysuchillydog, @nurmilintunen, @alfonzone and anyone else who’d like to participate!! “Tell them I sent you” lol. Guys.............if you don’t feel like going thru your 2020 feel free to ignore bc......I get it............................

[iuniverseblog]

Using “The Art of War” to Market Your Book!

Sun Tzu’s The Art of War, written in the 5th century BC, remains a classic for military strategists as well as corporate marketers and salesmen. Today, I’ll show you ways in which to use Master Sun’s lessons to market your book.

The Art of War gives advice for generals on outsmarting and defeating the enemy. Naturally, you, as the author, are “the general”. But how to define “the enemy”? For all practical purposes, it is the crowded marketplace of books, the skeptical or complacent customer, and the competing authors in your genre. Regarding the latter, the best way to “defeat” them is to outshine them through your marketing.

  “All warfare is based on deception”: Let’s begin with the book’s most famous line. What kind of “deception” are we looking to use here? This applies to writers who have not yet published, as well as published authors who are looking to market their new book. For those who have not yet published, here are some “deceptive” strategies:

Choose a title that is catchy instead of just informative. A great example of this is seen with the book If You Want to Be Rich & Happy, Don’t Go to School, by Robert Kiyosaki (author of Rich Dad, Poor Dad). Kiyosaki’s publisher wanted him to call the book “The Economics of Education”, to which Kiyosaki replied that he would probably then only sell two copies. The more catchy title made the book much more attractive to shoppers.

A more extreme method of deception involves choosing a strategic pen name. A good example of this is Lee Child, author of the Jack Reacher novels, whose real name is Jim Grant. Child chose his pen name because he wanted his books to be between Raymond Chandler and Agatha Christie on the shelf in a bookstore. Hence, if you are a horror writer, choosing a last name that would fit in between “King” and “Koontz” would be a good move!

If you’ve already published your book, there are still many strategic gambits that you can use:

Headlines and titles: One of my professors, during my Masters Degree, wanted the department to come to a somewhat dry lecture about how Sir Walter Scott’s writing style occasionally took a feminine turn. He titled the lecture, “Sir Walter Scott in Drag”, and the lecture hall was filled. Likewise, you can advertise your book using any headline you wish. If your book has a title that isn’t particularly attractive in a marketing sense, use a headline for your ads that is enticing.

Another devious tactic involves placing your book on the shelves of bookstores, even if they haven’t stocked it. Similar to the strategy employed by Lee Child, you can then have your book next to the superstar authors, and in the genre that you want. Shoppers are bound to consider you as of a similar caliber, just by being there. I used this ploy with my self-help book, Winning the Fight to Be Happy, and placed it next to a book by the Dalai Lama! Yes, your book technically won’t be for sale in the store if someone tries to buy it, but with enough interest shown by shoppers (your “spies”, as mentioned later), the store will eventually want to carry a book that will make money for them.

“Know your terrain”: In other words, know the marketplace. A good example of someone who studied the marketplace and has become a huge success is Meredith Wild, author of the erotic thriller Hardwired and numerous other books in that genre. Wild somewhat “piggybacked” on the success of E.L. James’ Fifty Shades of Grey, and actually advertised her book in movie theaters just before the film version of Fifty Shades of Grey came on. For erotic thrillers, it is also important to have an e-book version of your novel, as many readers in this genre are too shy to buy it in paperback at the bookstore. This was actually the case with Fifty Shades of Grey.

Knowing your terrain means knowing the target audience of your book, what genre it falls into (and subgenre), and how to capture that demographic – i.e. understanding customers’ buying behavior in your genre, and also where they are likely to come into contact with your book. If you write fantasy or sci-fi, try to attend one of the many conferences, such as Comic-Con, with plenty of business cards and copies of your book to give out. Join chatrooms and websites where these types of readers spend their time. As Master Sun says, “He who has a thorough knowledge of himself and the enemy is bound to win in all battles.”

“Attacking with Fire”: This means being proactive and keeping an arsenal of “weapons”. When Sun writes, “The material for raising fire should always be kept in readiness”, this relates to both your advertising and promotional material and — if it is possible for you – some money to run the ads. Here are some weapons you should always have at your disposal, many of which don’t cost a penny:

Carry a copy of your book with you at all times

Have photos of yourself holding your book, in your phone and on your computer, and indeed anywhere else where people can see it

Have an “elevator pitch” for your book: be able to describe your book in one to two sentences to a complete stranger

Have a short “abstract” of your book, two to three paragraphs, in case a newspaper asks you for one

Set aside a small budget in case you need to print posters

Have an author page and an author website, and post frequently on social media, especially Facebook. When you post, use catchy headlines and pictures.

Contact bookstores and ask if you can do a book-signing. The worst they can say is “no”.

Make sure to always have at least ten spare copies of your book in your house

Throughout all of these, do not simply market your book haphazardly, hoping that random onslaughts will create attention. As Sun says, “Move not unless you see an advantage; use not your troops unless there is something to be gained.”

“The Use of Spies”: In your case, “spies” will be your friends and family, whom you will ask to help you with promoting the book. Don’t be shy about asking others for help. As the old saying goes, “If you don’t ask, you don’t get.” Their “spying” activity can consist of giving you any information about promotion, and simply spreading the word. One of my friends mentioned my book to a bunch of her friends, and I ended up giving a motivational talk to the sales team at one of their companies – selling some copies of my book in the process, and ending up with some new friends, some of whom promoted me on their Facebook pages. Your “spies” can also give signed copies of your book to people as gifts – everyone is always happy to know a published author – and can leave copies at strategic locations – including bookstores!

Make sure to check out the iUniverse site for more advice and blogs, as well as iUniverse Facebook and iUniverse Twitter.

–By Tom McKinley