#bc that's what I live for now. apperently

[kroosluvr]

present day

if every day will be like this from now on, i'll look forward to every single one.

ok. Sits down. help meeee i tried using csp's comic tools for once (and also gradient maps + coloring w monochrome) to save time bUT I ENDED UP SPENDING THE USUAL AMT ANYWAY SO. . erm. WELL IT WAS FUN ANYWAYS

hiiiiiiiii i wrote this script 4 months ago nd finally did it (had this on the backburner for 20 million yrs bc i wanted to get out other angst bullshit first)

the parallels of goro's back (x3) on the first 2 pgs are kinda not 1:1 as i'd like but REGARDLESS i still like them. goro, who had utmost control over his life, running it like a machine, regardless of how he feels or if he's tired or if he wants to give up.......he was in control. knowing, of course, that his life is on the line at every waking moment, but since he was always on edge, always alert, he was still in control.

but now, surviving the long winter and coming out to the other side, he's lost that control AND that edge. now what is he left with? what is there left?

very speficially in the 2nd page.... i think its so <3 YAY <3 that goro, now, doesn't feel the need to take such spic-and-span clean-cut care of his appearance.., guy who rolls out of bed and throws on a shirt to go hangout w akira and sumire. he decides to tie up his hair and forgoes his gloves... feels more "comfortable" to change his apperance, to let down his guard a little. <- was the rough symbolism JKDSHKFS

sumire getting the choco croissant but letting goro have the first bite YEAHHHH WHATEVER

4th page symbolism is also rough i didnt think abt it too hard LMAO. 3rdsem goro watching his detective prince self leave. he knows acutely well that chapter of his life is over - whether he survives the long winter or dies in it. all that he knew - even though it was miserable and awful and frustrating and dangerous - is gone.

and now there's just this: the present day. whatever that means.

i think something important to me abt royal trio is just the idea of Learning To Just Exist: no need for a "purpose" or a "calling" or some overarching "goal". they just learn to exist.

and of course none of them really have a benchmark for "wow i like this i want to live like this" so they just roll with the punches, as they always have, but yknow. finally getting to live their honest student life as they always deserved

edit: and most importantly for goro, i think, is learning to cut himself some slack. "despite everything" he says, despite all the shit he's endured AND all the shit he's done, he feels like this is "right." whatever that means, he's ready to take it day by day to figure it out. AND THATS THE WHOLE THING Punches wall really hard

edit: I ALSO FORGOT. i think the sentiment of "being waited for" for goro means a lot. since he had to do everything by himself, fight for himself, decide everything for himself frm such a young age, the idea of akira and sumire waiting for him, inviting him out simply for him to be there -> is really meaningful to him, more than they could know.

edit AGAIN: also goro sleeping in means a lot to me. i imagine that guy has pretty terrible insomnia. ALSO HE HAS A BEDFRAME! i like the thought of his apartment being so /r/malelivingspaces throughout the game. he doesn’t deserve a bedframe. BUT HE HAS ONE NOW!

goros expressions in the last page gve me a hard time. sparkly....

also im SO freaking sorry if his voice isnt too well-written... i had a crisis over the wording while draiwng htis so much DSKHASKDASJK AND THE PANELING AND WHATEVERRR IDEK WHAT IM DOINGGG but it was fun!!!! exploratory..... regardless i will keep workign to do him and royaltrio justice. THUMBSUP EMOJI.

[leynaeithnea]

Just finished your beautiful beautiful very yummy and very angsty analysis of love in paradise ( maybe I shed a little tear here and there, maybe I didn't, you can't know that ) so I thought this would be right moment to leave you an ask for a gods game analysis maybe?? *stares at you with big brown eyes*

Last one of this saga!!!! Yayyy

Praying ill remember all the musical parts ive heard about but im sure theres so much hidden i forgot/didnt hear about yet

30. God Games

We open with a choir of course, because...gods! Athena decides to do something (finially)

��Father, God King” (athena asks daddy for help SIJGSEIG)

“Rarely do I ask for favors” being the good favorite daughter

“Now, I’m knocking on your door, with hopes to save a friendship with one who’s a prisoner far from home....Odysseus” I LOVE the melody of this part somehow??? especially how the drop before “odysseus”, ALSO SHE CALLS IT A FRIENDSHIP INFRONT OF ZEUS TOO

“Divine intervention, is that what you seek?” ........yes, bruh. Zeus dont fuck this up, u are decent enough in Homers Odyssey

“To untie apprehensions that were placed on that Greek?” okay i had to google “apprehentions, and apperently it both means “arrest” and “concern/fear”...........to untie the arrest on Ody, and at the same time the concerns of Odysseus THATS GENIUS, Ive heard Homer does a lot of these double meanings of words in his Epics and IM SO HERE FOR IT, also “that Greek”, come on, dont use it as a slur >:)

“You are playing with thunder for a man full of shame”..................NOW WHO PUT THIS SHAME ON HIM YOU MF, YOU WHAT KIND OF SICK GAME IS THIS-

“But if he’s worth the risk of going under, why not make it a game?” Lukes vocal performance in this part is something else, like dude??? hello? youre a tenor SIEJGSEIGJ, its good, also WDYM GOING UNDER??? HUH??? ....yeah of course you make it a game, because everything is a game to you, because really, theres nothing and noone who poses a thread to you

“Convince each of them that he ought to be released, and I’ll release him” the slight echo effect in that voice.......fascinatinggg, wish i knew if the melody in this part had any meaning, gotta look it up

“Who’s them?” Athena god of wisdom asking about details before agreeing to deals *cough* Odysseus, learn from your friend

“Apollo” APPOLO MY GUY ehehehehee

“Hephaestus” okay, fair

“Aphrodite” the wWAY HE PROUNCES HER NAME?? OMG

“Ares”, yea yea imposing yada yada

“Hera” cant exclude his wife

“Or me” OR me, so its ALL of them, or him? bruh

“What do you say?” WHAT IS SHE SUPPOSED TO SAY

“Great” ehehehehe apollo <3

“Very well” just doing it because

“Eh” shes so excited

“Alright” he IS excited

“Groovy”....ok? um...imma move on

“Bring it” of course she would choose all of them over Zeus, its Zeus, he just WANTS you to loose, bc hes the god king

“Apollo!” parrot

“You all know I’m a fan of catchy songs” god of music yada yada HIS VOICE

“so with so many sirens gone, I think Ody’s in the wrong”.........there are so many reasons to dislike Odysseus and you pick the SIRENS? .......did you just join for the fun and had no real reasons or did u get dragged there or-....but its ok, your voice is amazing, also IIRC it should be the melody of suffering??? of different beast??? i forgorrrr norrrr also Lyreeee in the background! ehehehe

“They were trying to do him worse, All he did was reimburse them Now they’ll tread with caution first To live another day and sing another verse” maybe the melody was in this part. also, yeah tell him athena, what kind of argument is that, they tried to kill him he just did what he had to--------admittely he was VERY cruel about it, but athena doesnt have to mention that, and well Ody probably protected even more sailors in the future through his actions

ALSO DONT COME AT ME WITH “but all the sirens are dead” THERE ARE MORE, theyre obviously not talking about the sirens Ody killed, its about all other Sirens out at see that woudlve seen the others dying after being brutally cut down by a human, they WILL be more cautious in the future

“If that’s true, release him”, yeah u really had nothing to argue against, he just shrugs it off LMAO

“Hephaestus!” Hefefuf ehehehe ALSO JORGES DAD YAY adorable, tho when first listened i rly thought it was Jorge with voice changer again THEY SOUND SO SIMILIAR

“Trust is not given, it’s forged”...true, valid argument, Also Scylla melody??? I THink?

“Why should I give him my support? He sacrificed his own cohort”......well....um.....he didnt rly have much of a CHOICE ....but its a more valid concern, the sounds that sound like a hammers in a forge sound cool btw

“Did you forget they failed to listen?”.........yeah literally

“He was betrayed and then imprisoned” IMPRISONED AH ODY, but yeah EXACTLY, the WIND BAG, THE MUTINY AH

“But if you make the right decision He can still build a future with those who miss him” AND BUILD TRUST WITH THEM AGAIN AHHHHHHH yes. Hefefuf choose right.

“Fine, release him” good.

the music making it sound like steps in a game as you level up....fine, it sounds nice

“Aphrodite” seductive, i like it

“Your little high and mighty Odysseus” SHeS pissed, and does not like Ody you can hear the “high and mighty” in her voice :”) ouch

“Claims to love his mother But let her die of a broken heart” LIKE HE HAD A CHOICE IN THE MATTER HE TRIED TO GET HOME SHE DIDNT HAVE TO JUMP

“He was busy fighting”, yeaaah

“More like busy spiting the cyclops”.........yeah okay we can get behin that this was stupid decision but it wasnt a rational decision either he just lost his best friend, THATS LOVE TOO; GIVE HIM SOME SLACK

“Let him feel the pain that his mother felt and rot” WHY U BE SO COLD HEARTED , i love the melody/music in this tho

“Wait, please reconsider this”, athena using quick thought on a goddess, intriguing! also shes begging her :tear: aw man

“Really Athena? These old tricks?” annoyed older brother breaking into quick thought to the rescuse of his lover, makes him likeable somehow, i love the delivery of this line

“Ares!” yeah shes pissed

“What kind of sick coward Holds back his power While his friends get devoured? He didn’t even fight Scylla Didn’t even try to kill her Hides inside a wooden horse to get the job done Never handles things upfront” sorry that he didnt want to DIE dude??? i get your concern with straight forward, open combat but???? is dying on the battle field rly that much worse than wanting to come home COME ON, he wins, he is EFFECTIVE, are you jealous of his stragedies? HE GOT MENTORED BY ATHENA; OFC HE WILL CHOOSE THE SMART WAY OUT NOT THE QUICKEST-WAY-TO-DIE WAY OUT smh

“Pathetic and weak like his son” thats a low blow what is your issue with telemachus bro, the drums for ares makes sense

“Hold your tongue now His son’s my friend” awwww shes calling him a frienddddddd

“And tell your lover that a broken heart can mend” AHAHAH “tell your lover”, true true

“You want more bloodshed? Then set him free To get back to his homestead, he’ll make everybody bleed” SEUHGSOUEGESH “if you let him back he’ll kill everyone” Ares: :D thats what i like to hear, Athenas piano playing again, as she fights Ares is fun too

“Ugh, release him”, what made them change their mind? Esp Aphrodite? was it Athenas concern for Telemachus? and for Ares athenas promise of bloodshed? maybe who knows

“Hey baby”.....okay, flirty? from Hera? alright, lets interpret it as motherly flirting

“Hera” how to hit those high notes

“So many heroes So many tales Give me one good reason why yours should prevail” NOW THAT is intersting, everyone else so far gave a reason NOT to release him, but now Hera asks her to give her one reason WHY he deserves to be released “dont tell me of all the sins he didnt commit, tell me of the virtue he holds” typa thing

“He’s got the mind of a genius”, fair, but there would be others

“Try harder”, encouraging, she doesnt rly want her to loose does she? she support it, she just wants to see if Athena is worth it, i do like this characterization (as long as i ignore the disco animatic, i know its Jorges creative freedom but my brain tries to refuse ANYTHING that would be a reference to modernity, let me live in the bliss of ignorance to pretend its a movie set in ancient greece x)

“He’s pretty skilled with words”, hes a lair, i love him for it

“You can do better than that”, ...yeah

“He’s kind of funny?” running out of reasons athena, also YOU THINK HES FUNNY? LMAO ur right, the odyssey is quite the commedy for anyone but odysseus (and a few others but yk)

“Eh” doesnt sound convinced heh

“Never once has he cheated on his wife” HA HA HAHAHAHAHA HA right thing to say to Hera

[also the whole debate about “did odysseus cheat or not” no. idc what anyone says. if anyone argues he INITALLY consented to Calypso: fine, its blurry in the narrative, anyone can choose how to interpret that as they wish, but Circe was bestowed upon him by Hermes (in the myth at least, in Epic there ofc very clearly refuses her, and she accepts him (hear that calypso? HEAR THAT CALYPSO)) and Calypso, at the very least later on turned VERY unconsensual. FOR SEVEN YEARS., but the “he liked her no more” could also mean she didnt like her as a person anymore after she saved him. its not 100% clear how the relationship started out, we just know how it ends rly, but given the historic context too, it might very well be that it wouldntve been considered as cheating, even if it was consensual, would hera consider it cheating bc she does so with Zeus? maybe, idk, i think the idea of Ody being (one of) the only greek hero(es) that doesnt cheat is one i like, he gets praised enough by homer for all his skills he might as well have the skill of being true to his wife, in EPIC we know that Ody refuses her from the beginning so whatever did or did not remain unnamed in Epic, would NOT be cheating,.........and anyone who mentions Odys proof for cheating being the telegony or any other later versions where suddenly children show up, and he offs penelope for cheating and telemachus marries circe, can kindly, do some more reading into the history of the text and how later authors added their own twists, we dont know if the odyssey from homer was the most well known version, i think, but its the one we consider canon now, and i rly refuse to believe that Ody coming home only to get a new wife]

“Release him” the side glace Zeus mustve gotten LMAO

...ok angry zeus choir again, rly?

“I’ve played your game and won”, she did, fair and square

“Release him” you better

“You dare to defy me?”, what happend to your voice zeus? also....are you pissed that she called you out on cheating? bro, ur just pissed that she choose everyone else over you, grow up zeus

“To make me feel shame?” shame about loosing the game or shame for the humiliation about cheating, mhh

“No one beats me, no one wins my game!”, sounds like my 3rd brother, but hes at least cute when hes throwing a fit about a game having rules

“Thunder, bring her through the wringer Show her I’m the judgement call The one who makes her kingdom fall! ”.your voice is getting worse btw, but...are we talking about pride still? Athenas pride? or is “her” just Athena now? mhhhh, Odysseus DID call her “selfish, prideful and vain”, so maybe it does refer to her pride, she DID Have a character arc tho >:) unlike zeus, hes just an ass, also he gets a choir background for this? intersting,

NOW HE THROWS LIGHTING AT HER??? thats intense, i was gasping when i saw, night sound design

“Is she dead?”, he does sound concerned, is it bc big brother energy or bc athena was zeus favorite child? or do they know how Zeus fucked up just now? hah..ha

the flashes you can hear in the music....aaaah

NOW THIS INSTRUMETAL PART

IS SO BEAUTIFUL ITS SO GOOD THE WAY “WARRIOR OF THE MIND” AND TELEMACHUS LULLABY AND LEGENDARY BLEND TOGETHER AND BECOME “ATHENAS FINIAL STAND” (as its supposedly called) ITS SO GOOD i ah i like this part the most of the song, together with apollos voice aseghsegij Aphrodite is fine too :) and "rly athena; these old tricks"

AlSO her having a flashback to Ody giving her Telemachus to hold after his birth, PLS??? Thats so vulnerableeeeee aaaaaaaaah yeah, yea that was good

“Let him go, please, Let him go”, she reaches out to Zeus, as her light dims and she begs him to let Ody go, nothing left of the selfish and prideful goddess, she was selfless- sacrifcing herself and ler go of her pride to beg to Zeus to let him go, who stops as he grabs to throw another lighting, in shocked realization of what he has done.

The song fades out. And we are left to wonder if Athena is ded or not

now initially i rly thought Jorge killed a goddess

by now im more hopeful that she isnt dead (im hoping for that, mostly for the fun of sticking to the source material of Athenas help in the last chapter(s) of the story)

but

im still doubting a bit. the chance is there that she is, infact, dead, but i dont know how that would impact the narrative-,...i suppose we’ll see, either in the vengence saga, or at the lastest in the ithica saga x)

[slafkovskys]

ok i feel like when the reader introduces old money barzy to their friends and everything goes really, bc everythings going good they step out of the room for a min to refill their drink or whatever, during this one of their friends would innocenrlty bring up an interest the readers always had but never had the money to pursue and think nothing of it, (for example photography or vintage cars ) but he would make a mental note, and then the next morning when u wake up just everything you've ever needed for said interest would have just appered in your house

so mat rents a house where y/n lives (i really see it as some middle of nowhere midwestern town idk) when she finally decides to give him the time of day, and shortly thereafter she’s spending a lot of time there. she invites her friends over one night for a girls night and mat just hangs out in the backyard while they do their thing.

he’s passing through the livingroom to get a glass of water when he overhears one of her friends ask, “i need someone to do my engagements. do you still do photography, y/n?”

“oh no, my camera broke a while ago. sorry,” her voice is genuine and mat can see the sad look on her face.

her friend frowns, “damn, you used to love doing it. is that why you don’t post on that burner anymore?”

so now mat has something to hyper-fixate over until she joins him in bed a few hours later. he’s looking up the best cameras, the best lens to go with them and he express ships them to his front door. two days later, she’s surprised to find boxes addressed to her on the kitchen table and mat practically vibrating in his spot. he points, “open.”

“mathew barzal, what did you-” she uses a key to rip open the tape and the breath leaves her lungs, “mat, why-”

“the other night, you told your friend that your camera broke. you looked sad about it and she mentioned a burner? i went and found it and you were really, really good, baby. so, i got you these.” his grin turns into into unease as she looks like she’s about to start crying, “no, i can return them if it was too much-”

“nobody’s ever done anything like this for me before,” she sets the box down and walks over to mat, framing his face with her hands, “i love you, mat barzal. thank you.”

and that was the first time that she had said it. mat surges forward and presses his lips to hers, “i love you too.”

requests are open for soft thoughts sunday!

[i-need-some-advice-on]

I'm a 18 year old latina girl (I live in Brazil), I just finished high school and as much as I wanted to want, I'm not thinking about going on to college now. Because first: I'm poor, really poor. And if you live in a country in Brazil and is young and poor, is almost impossible for you to be relax and thinking about studying when you could help your loved ones in home. Not that I'm against college, I would go too if that was the only reason, but here is the thing: I never was one of those people that knew exactly what job they wanted since they were kids. I like some things sure, but I was never sure if I really liked them. What if I spend all my hard work to get into four years of college just to regret because I was never sure? So, with these reasons, I'm thinking about doing some academic courses of different things to know what really is my passion (my school was full-time. I got there at 6 am and classes didn't end until 5 pm, never had time to do anything or exploring my passions because of the time). I'm planning to get a job too to pay for this course, but besides that, I'm lost. To get worse, I seeing my school (ex school now) page on ig to see some old things (for the sake of nostalgia). I don't remember now how I led myself into this but I ended up in the instragram of a girl of my class, and well, I'm embarrased of saying this but I always felt a biit jealous of her. Not that she wasn't nice, I liked her because even if we weren't in the same group of friends, she was nice to me. But she is kind of the things I wanted to be: I always was very bullied (by some of her friends too btw) because of my appereance, while she's very pretty and was considered the prettiest in class. She's popular. She's still poor, but he had a better financial condition than me, She has beauty and brains (even if was always considered a nerd, I still seem to struggle to understand some things she never had problem with in class). When I looked at her, I felt a bit sad about myself but always rooted internally for her bc she deserved. Today, I was in her insta and found out she she was accepted into a college with a 100% scholarship and is going to study dentistry, which is considered promising where I live. I'm happy for her, but the fact that she knows what she's doing with her life and always knew what she was going go be without indecision makes me a bit unmotivated. I know, I know I shouldn't be stalking people and feel bad, this is such a thing that I told people to not fall into but, well, I'm human and I'm feeling like my existence is an error. Somebody wanna say something to.. idk? Make me feel less depressed?

.

[robinette-green]

I hope i am not asking too spoilery stuff, or just too much at once

What are vampire's special features in your setting?

Like we already know they are super strong and fireproof. And apprently can't fly or spiderclimb. At least reader can't because they fall of the roof like a sack of potateoes. (Gosh, they really suck at being vampire arent they?)

I must admit, it is both funny and very interesting that, despite being undead, thay apperently still need to breathe. Can they, at least, hold their breath for longer?

Can they be hurt by not silver? I mean, they get ouchas from sitting to long on a horse! Or is this only bc they are so low on blood, that anything could hurt them?

Do they, by any chance have a heat vision? It would be super cool.

Is their sense of smell good enough for tracking people?

You are all good, friend! I don’t mind sharing some stuff about the vampires in my fic and I’ll leave out anything that could be spoilery.

(Also. I’m so sorry. This is probably more than you wanted but here is a fun little vampire dump for my AU)

So, yes, Vampires are super strong and fire proof. They also have vision and hearing that is much better than human capabilities.

the fun superpowery stuff is found more in the vampires higher up on the food chain. (The vampire hierarchy come more into play in some of the upcoming chapters) Some of where you are in the chain of power has to do with how long you’ve been alive and what powers you have or have gained.

Vampire king - has lived over 500 years and has at least an above average magic power level (or has an extra high level of magic power)

Vampire lord - had lived over 250 years and at least an average magic power level (or has done something beneficial to a king)

Vampire master - had blooded (created) at least 3 vampires

Vampire - has lived a year as a vampire

Freshly blooded - has been recently turned into a vampire and is still adapting to the new life

Magic power has partly to do with who blooded you, the more powerful the vampire you received blood from the better chance you have of gaining more powerful magic/ powers. Their are a few ways you can agin more magic power. One is to feed from magical beings (witches and wizards or other supernatural creatures). Another is to craft potions from the old texts but this is usually a temporary effect. You could also feed from a vampire with more power then you and sometimes they’ll let you do that if you do something for them.

Reader is only your basic vampire rank, mostly because they ran away from their clan. They may or may not have special magic abilities but they don’t know because they’ve been starving themselves for so long, their too weak for anything to manifest or be used.

(No they’re not great at being a vampire 😅 but they’ll get better over time)

———————

So for the breathing. Vampires don’t need to breath but they tent to still go through the motions even after becoming undead. They were once alive and used to breath without thinking about it. Now that their undead their bodies continue to go through the motions.

I want to assume that when you bring a human body back to ‘life’ it’s going to try to function just like how it used to because there’s not a way to tell the brain that you don’t need to breathe anymore. 🤷‍♀️ (unlike zombies that are not really controlled by the brain any more. Or at least not the entire brain)

Older vampires, more often than not, won’t breath. (It’s a posh vampire thing, training your body to stop breathing.)

————————

Vampires can be hurt by this that aren’t silver and silver isn’t the only way to kill one. Sure, regular bullets and swords and things aren’t going to kill a vampire (and wood stakes won’t kill them either) but if you cut a vampire’s head off, If a vampire loses all their blood, If a vampire spends to much time in direct sunlight, if you starve a vampire, all these things WILL kill a vampire.

Uuuh… wait hold on let me circle back to the question. Yes. The reader can be hurt by more things because they are low on blood and weak. But vampires can still get sore like humans can, it just takes more to get them to that point. The reader can gain sore muscles easier while low on blood.

_______________

They don’t have heat vision but they do have night vision

And yes. Their since of smell is good enough to track people. (Think tracking in Witcher 3 with the fun little ghost trail. ((Such a fun game)))

Thank you so much for the ask ^_^! I love ranting about things in my stories!

[seyvetch]

A vent post of things that have been on my mind lately

I want to fucking die ;-; (I have no plans to act on that just need to vent)

Ffs everything is just getting harder, people can leave me at any time like the person I loved the most who left me a month ago and Im becoming a worse person and I wasnt that amazing in the first place. Everything is just going worse, I barely have hope for future and I cant even feel love properly anymore. Im overwhelmed by minimal ammount work I used to be able to handle and unsure I could even work to get money to sustain myself.

Almost all that I feel is despair anger and apathy. Last time I tried to medicate it caused me great loss of appetite and I almost starved to death bc I couldnt eat. At this point I just want my life to end. I dont know how Im supposed to live in Russia like this nor do I know how to escape it.

3 people who Ill eternaly be greatful to said they would be willing to let me stay with them if I wanted to escape Russia but problem is: one broke all contact with me cuz the host got themself a boyfriend so apperently they didnt like I had a relationship with their sysmate, one ghosts me for some reason despite actively reblogging my posts and me seemingly being on good terms with them when we talk and the 3rd one lives in Germany - a country which language of I dont know still.

Well even if I stayed with any of them Id probably just ruin my relationship with them. Im not that great in person.

One other thing thats been on my mind is the first person I talked about in the list of people who offered me to stay with. I loved them more than anyone probably. More than myself certainly. I thought we were soulmates. I just cant get over them no matter how much I try not to care. They even appear in my dreams though its more like nightmares of rejection. Why did it have to go this way. Is it bad that I still have hope everything will work out? Its probably futile. Im blocked instantly any time I tried to reach them. Whats the most cruel is how the breakup went it wasnt even them to my knowledge who broke me up with them it was their host or another sysmate despite the previous promise that I could still date them. I dont even know how they feel about the breakup. Maybe it was them and they got tired of me. Ill never know bc I havent recieved as much as a goodbye before being blocked. Not as much as a word. I only know that they have a boyfriend bc I looked at their tiktok in trying to decypher why I was left like that :/.

Whatever the painll probably go away with time. What wont go away is my disabilities which are getting harder to deal with in terms of my productivity. Its only getting worse. I can barely make myself do the minimum required of me. How will I find the job? How will I get enough money to move to a different country before I cant leave Russia anymore? Could I leave Russia now if I had money? Would that even be possible? Is it already too late? Had I never had a chance to escape?

No matter how I look at it all I can see in my future is being alone stuck in this hellhole of a country which will only get wose and more authoritarian with time. And then if Im lucky another revolution will happen and devistate what remains of the country leaving the poeple maybe not as oppressed but left in poverty just like the horror stories my parents told me of what happened last time a revolution occured.

Everyone will just leave me behind no matter what I do. It always happens. Its just the matter of time.

Well we will see how it turns out but for now all I can do is to move forward.

[thecrowslullaby]

Okay so I thought I could pick one but I couldn't

So you can pick whichever you want

(I'm asking for platonic content cause I've been craving some familial angst)

27 Gen->Virgil and Janus

40 & 41 angst-> Creativitwins

27 angst-> Roman and anyone

Thanks for the ask!!!!! Stuff has been wild over here so, while i have half of the story written I only now have gotten around to proofreading it ^^' (not that it does much since I still can't spell very well).

Hope you'll like it :D!

Pairing: none

Warnings: foul language, shouting, some crying, mention of emotionally abusive parents

Summary: Remus and Roman come to a disagreement. Roman finds comfort in an unlikely person.

Word count: 1327 (these chapters are getting longer! YAY!)

first-prev-next

Tuesday 7:15

Roman woke up to light shining from behind the curtain. hitting him square in the face. Great. The day was already off to a great start.

He reached for his phone to check if Patton was awake. He knew Janus would throw a fit if he left without his bodyguard and he didn’t need his assistant to be breathing down his neck today out of all days. There was a reason he gave the man the day off, after all. The longer Jan remained oblivious to his plan, the better for Roman.

The redhead almost dropped his precious device as his notifications buzzed off. He caught it right before it hit the floor. Unlocking the screen he smiled to himself, seeing his brother already typing the next message. Maybe the day won’t be so bad after all.

Remus was ecstatic when he learned Roman would come to Australia, already planning to meet up with Roman in secret. Not that they needed to be too sneaky. It’s not like Janus or Patton would mind having his brother around.

Evil Twin

HEY ASSHOLE!!!!

YOU DIDN’T CALL ME YESTERDAY.

I DON’T DON’T KNOW IF YOUR PLANE CRASHED OR NOT.

I’m alive

THANK GOD!

I’M TERRIBLE AT FAKING BEING SAD!

rude

I KNOW! NOT LETTING YOUR BROTHER KNOW IF YOU’RE ALIVE OR NOT!

Feeling too tired to respond, Roman pressed the call button. Remus picked up immediately.

"Hey Pissy!" Roman could practically feel the taunting grin on Remus. Somehow each time they talked his twin found a worse nickname for him.

“How’s counseling for summer-camp going for you?”

“Roman, it's winter in Australia.”

“But… it’s June.”

“I see spending time with Janus hadn’t made you any wiser.” Remus snickered. “Clearly I inherited all the smarts.”

“Hey!”

“At least you got double the sanity.”

“I’m not so sure about that lately.”

“What happene- GREG, I TOLD YOU NOT TO LICK THE FUCKING POLE-....-STEPHANIE I WOULDN’T TOUCH MY DEAD BEAT MOTHER WITH A 6-FOOT STICK, LET ALONE MY MOUTH-...-NO!-...FUCK ME YOURSELF YOU COWARD!-....-THAT’S WHAT I THOUGHT- sorry, where were we?”

"Trying to make my ears bleed, apparently."

"Pog. Anyway, When are you coming to visit?”

“That… might be a bit of a problem.”

“What? Why?”

“Well, you know how our parents are-”

“What did they do to you?” Remus was seething on the other end.

“Nothing!” Roman protested. “Nothing I didn’t agree too!”

“Oh, because you sooooo love their ideas.” Roman could practically hear the eyeroll.

“You’re starting to sound like Janus!”

“Like that’s a bad-FUCK OFF STEPHANIE, THIS IS IMPORTANT- like that’s a bad thing!”

“I don’t need two people bossing me around Remus!”

“Great! Now go and tell that to our parents!”

“It’s not that easy Remus!”

“It literally is that easy Roman!” There it was again, that annoying pitch in Remus' voice, like he would do better in Roman’s situation.

“They would kick me out of their lives if they knew Remus.” It’s not like they haven’t done that to a child before.

“Like that’s such a bad thing!”

“Well maybe I don’t want to end like you.” He whispered the last part but if the silence ringing in Roman’s ear was anything to go by Remus definitely heard it.

“I see.”

God why did he say that?

Stupid, stupid, stupid-

“Re-”

“Save it-.” He sounded bitter, like he was biting down tears. “I get it ok? Having a cushy life is far more important to you than living by your own ideas!”

“Remus I-”

“You know-.” He could feel a sob, shaky and desperate. “I actually thought you wanted to hang out with me-”

“I do Remus, I-”

“NO YOU DON’T” Remus screamed “You didn’t back then and you sure as hell don’t now!” His voice was shaky and Roman wanted to scream back, say something, explain himself but he couldn’t force himself to make a sound. “I actually thought, I actually thought you’d back me up back then! But you didn’t do it when we were sixteen and it sure as hell doesn’t look like you changed your mind for the past 5 years!”

“Remus I-”

His speech was cut short when Remus hit the disconnecting button. Roman tried calling him, multiple times, messaging, pleading, but all he got in return was getting ignored on every platform he tried.

He flung his phone across the room, the device hitting his suitcase and plopping safely to the floor. Roman grabbed the nearest pillow, screaming into it until he felt his throat burn.

Great, first his parents sent him here and he had to ruin this one thing he was genuinely looking forward to on this trip.

Why did he have to be such a fucking coward?

He wasn’t sure spent, bawling his eyes into the pillow, wallowing in self misery, until he cried himself to sleep again.

A banging knock to his dorr woke him away.

“Roman?” Great, Janus.

“Go away.” He mumbled into the pillow, his throat burning.

“Roman get your ass up and open, I’m worried sick.”

He didn’t want to. He didn’t want to see anyone, let alone Janus, who always seemed to weigh him down with those judging glances. Why was he here anyway? Where was Patton?

He could already feel his eyes stinging again.

He would murder for one of Pattons hugs right now.

Something thumbed softly against the wooden door.

“Roman, please-” there was a sudden shift in his voice, he sounded almost-sincere.”-Patton’s sick, you’re ignoring my every call, and while I hate believing rumors I just heard some horrendous news and I really need to talk to you so I can clear things up.”

Roman signed, pulling himself up and dragging his feet to the door.

He wondered briefly if Janus heard him, and was waiting patiently, or if he simply left without a warning. It’s not like he would be the first.

Groggily he opened the door, glancing down to find Janus still standing there, without a trace of annoyance on his face. Small miracles, eh?

“You look awful.” Janus said, except it didn’t sound anything like he’s usual biting self, almost caring. He wasn’t sure why the snake lost it’s venom but he wasn’t going to complain. “May I come in?”

Roman nodded, stepping aside to let the small man step in. Janus closed the door before turning towards the redhead.

“Do you need a hug?” From Patton or Remus preferably, both whom could squeze the air out of Roman and make him feel safe. But without either or them around he would have to settle for the tiny man.

He nodded groggily and the blond wrapped his short thin arms around his torso. Roman laid his head on top of the shortest man, allowing himself a moment to breathe. Janus still hadn’t let go, instead he started rubbing small circles on Roman’s back. And as odd as it was, the performer found the gesture oddly comforting.

“You’re not secretly-”His voice felt awfully raspy, he wondered how long it would take before he could sing again. A day? Two? ”You’re not secretly Patton disguised as Jan?” He felt himself relax slightly as the blond actually chuckled at his joke. Patton was a good head taller than Roman and almost as broad as Janus was tall.

“No, it’s still me, your awful assistant.”

“That’s nice too.”

“Roman?”

“Yeah?”

“I need to talk to you about Vivien.”

“Oh.” Roman swallowed hard. “Did Patton-”

“Patton knew?!” There was a flash of anger before the man closed his eyes. He could see Janus trying to even his breath, before speaking up again. “Did you plan to tell me?”

“I guess. Maybe?... Maybe not?”

Janus took a deep breath.

“I’m sorry.” Roman blurted out.

“For what?”

“Everything.”

“Roman, it’s your life.”

“Doesn’t feel like it.”

“Well.” Janus said, pulling apart and actually smiling at him. “Then I think it’s time we finally do something about it!”

[4dtk]

anon: “hewoo !! umm can you make nct ideal type like age , apperance , height , cute or sexy etc 🌬️” let’s fuckin GOOOO. i’ll be using gender neutral terms for this! please tell me if i used she/her for any part as i’m more used to writing for fem readers!

sorry this took like almost a week i’ve been really busy lately, i apologise! under a cut because its so long lol

disclaimer: tons of “i feel”s and “i think”s; plus, this is just my headcanons of the boys! remember that all of you are beautiful and lovely and special in ur own way!! <3

TAEIL

i feel like taeil would want someone closer to his age (+/-), unless,,, UNLESS he finds someone he really clicks with (like haechan for eg) if they’re at a younger age

if he really does then taeil will 100% make the effort

ngl taeil would love a person taller than him, would worship the shit outta them 

if he gets teased for being shorter he doesnt care LMAO this man will have his hand around your middle and eye the other person mockingly

would love when you own your appearance with confidence, he likes to be by your side to admire how comfortable you feel in your skin

see him being a more traditional man by dating a korean person, but if he’s attracted to someone not of his race, i can see him making the effort

appearance? maybe someone who cleans up well, in a sense who’s a bit proper in their hygiene and like hair or accessories ig. he doesn’t mind what you wear tho, personally leaning more towards the comfy styles of cardigans and baggy clothes.

JOHNNY

either wants someone younger or older… i’m leaning more towards a younger s/o though bc he naturally has a “taking care” kinda vibe, and it’s sweet to see since he naturally takes care of the younger members like mark and haechan

wants to SMOTHER his s/o so i also think he’d want someone shorter than him. the man is a fucking skyscraper lawd

generally likes to give love A LOT since he’s an only child and wants to share that affection with someone who aren’t his parents or the members

but, but, like taeil, i see him really liking being held by his s/o, not just in a small spoon but laying on your chest, lying in between your legs with his head on ur tummy… so cute

i feel like johnny wouldn’t care much for appearance, nor your race since he kinda has the freedom to engage in english conversation. likes a cutesy positive vibe that can share the positivity and happiness he radiates normally!!

TAEYONG

feel like he would go for someone a tad bit older than he is, bc he likes to be taken care of

looking over the members can become really tiring and he needs some sort of solace to relax in

honestly if you’re younger too, he wouldn’t mind, he just needs to be babied LOL

likes tall people… ngl…

would like someone more in tune with their emotion and just not afraid to speak their mind? he likes confidence tbh

can see him going for a foreign person if he’s really passionate about them, would learn english/your native language 

taeyong likes a person that likes their outfits and doesn’t care what you wear out as long as you feel comfortable in it

would prefer more of a calm s/o, but easy-going and fun when they want to be

YUTA

doesnt really care for age tbh. if you’re able to bring him happiness and love him he doesn’t mind whether you’re older or younger

shorter 100%. wants to hold you very much, big spoon, the one holding you in the relationship

would go for a foreign person, but honestly, would want someone he can speak japanese with too. even he has shotaro now, he wants like just a closer person to confide in and also just share lil cute inside jokes with <3

yuta just wants his s/o to be themselves. just. yes. (i mean unless your personality is shit but he doesnt want someone to put on a front with him)

although he also likes cute people… he just wants to pamper u and make u feel like you’re the only one

KUN

goddamn, six kids plus three pets? this man is hanging on by a thread, but he would like a younger and shorter s/o

what’s one more right? 

also naturally has the taking care vibes like johnny, but there’s just something so… dom… about him AHASHFHEHR

would lean more toward a chinese- or korean-speaking s/o but

doesn’t mind a foreign s/o IF they make the effort. he would if he knows you would too. 

kun is lowkey energetic tbh and would want someone who can read the room of whether he’s comfy enough to let loose and remain the ‘parental’ figure

cute people i think will attract him, but oh my gosh when you’re self-assured? WHEW he really likes that, how you’re uncaring of people’s opinions regarding your appearance or personality

DOYOUNG

doesn’t mind older or younger or the same age, although i seem him gravitating toward an older s/o

this man is also 100% stressed. needs to be held, there’s a balance though in your relationship of who holds who though

would stay dating a korean/korean-speaking person i feel. not saying he wouldn’t make the effort but he takes his idol life very seriously and the outcomes if he were to get together with someone who doesnt speak his native tongue

he would want someone proper, like taeil, and would prefer his s/o to be cute and stuff

doyoung needs to know what you want though, so you’ll need to be sure of your choices basically

would like it more if his s/o was calm and just collected bc like taeyong, he needs a haven to relax in when he’s done for the day or when he needs to recharge

TEN

same age or older s/o !!! wants to be taken care of, this man also has a lot of love to give, altho they’re towards selective people like his members, pets, you

would gravitate towards tall people i feel

you need to love leon and louis. period. bella is a hot second.

ten would want an s/o who supports him wholeheartedly, seeing as he has so many talents that sometimes he gets caught up in showing talent for his idol life as opposed to creating things for himself. it’s easy to get lost in the pressure of the media to put out content that he feels is half- assed.

ten knows of his worth, but sometimes he just needs a bit of confirmation and support from the right people to truly create and post what he wants to

he would date a partner who doesn’t speak korean/chinese. he has english and thai and basic japanese baby!!! but yea, he def wouldn’t mind a foreign partner AND would go search up on resources to learn your native tongue!

another person who doesn’t care about how you dress. nor how you look as long as you’re being yourself!

JAEHYUN

oh, younger definitely and a shorter s/o

definitely doesn’t mind an english speaking s/o, although he would prefer someone who can speak korean as well. with s/o’s of other languages, he wouldn’t mind learning your language, although give him some time

the language barrier will be a bit awkward a first tho, but if you know minimal english, i think that’s more than enough for jaehyun to at least steer the convo!

jaehyun is the guy to always give me first love, love from high school vibes so he’s usually the one to embrace you, but LOVES it when you’re the one to initiate contact and affection

jaehyun knows he’s good looking, but he does want an s/o who loves him for who he is, who sees all his good traits as equal to his looks. he would also like an s/o who has a live in the moment mindset, bc he spends a lot of time in his idol life, that a carefree s/o to take him away from the stress of idol life would really help

a sucker for a cute style ngl, pastels and clips in your hair and stuff. 

WINWIN

wouldn’t mind someone a tad bit older, although i can see him with a younger person/same aged person too

shorter s/o!

sicheng wouldn’t care much for appearance, but he likes it when his s/o is confident, or in general confidence attracts him like the other guys in this post. that confidence would allow for him to be ‘guided’ in the relationship

would lean more towards a chinese/korean speaking person, but would try forming a r/s with someone of a different race to see how the language barrier would work

someone who is respectful of his space 100%. winwin wants someone who knows their boundaries in a context that there’s this sense of “i know when he’s feeling upset and wants to be left alone”, something like unspoken exchanges that the other just understands

sicheng also likes when his s/o is a little playful and cheeky, but not to the extent of the boys. just the right amount of outgoingness i guess haha. he would accommodate a bit of wildness, but sometimes it tires him out so you’ll need to know when to tone it down

JUNGWOO

feel like he would lean to an older s/o, but not necessarily needing to keep him in check because you’d be on the other side entertaining his antics lol

jungwoo uses up a lot of his energy tho, so sometimes he tends to go quiet and just likes to slump in your embrace

when he’s not quiet tho, he’s pretty cheeky in a sneaky kinda way and would want someone to reciprocate that.

jungwoo would also like an s/o who cheers him on a lot. he’s a bit insecure naturally, so he would want someone who doesn’t miss a beat to tell him that he’s doing good that day and would like a random compliment sometimes

would like to be held more than holding someone tbh

he wouldn’t care much for appearance, but does lean more towards cutesy appearances

LUCAS

younger and shorter s/o

would want an s/o to just calm down and rest with at times. sure he likes to have fun with his members and with his partner, but most dates with his partner has him in their arms and usually involves a calm activity

i mentioned this in chenle’s one as well, but the happiness he feels with his members is different from the one he feels with his partner, although lucas’ one is more of a blur where chenle’s a bit more distinct. does this make sense

wouldn’t ask much in an s/o, tbh. even if they’re just doing nothing, as long as lucas know he’s making you happy then he’s content with that. like when you’re smiling and loving him, then that’s all he really needs to be honest

lucas would not mind taking up an r/s with a foreign s/o, although he would have trouble with language barriers. would prefer a chinese/catonese speaking partner bc then he’s able to practise his dialect. he’d have a korean-speaking s/o too, although he sometimes stumbles over his korean a teeny bit

would love a cute style definitely!!!

MARK

same age, probably. he would feel more comfortable in terms of affection and conversation i feel!

equal amount of who holds who, but loves when his s/o initiates and cuddles him first 

likes baggy clothes on you tbh, likes to match appearances and styles with you

wouldn’t mind an s/o of any race. he’s dedicated to learning your language if anything, the man likes to learn about new things

mark just wants someone fun to be around who returns his laughter and jokes, kinda like how johnny does

he’s suffered enough from johnny though (“ah, mark! the smell!”) and would probably like it if you defend him instead LOL (sometimes you poke fun tho)

he would also want his s/o to just reciprocate him in terms of laughter and happiness level. mark is always so bubbly that he wants someone to smile at him and laugh with him

XIAOJUN

would like an older s/o ngl, i feel like he would want to be guided as well

doesn’t care if you’re tall or short tbh

but would like an s/o who brings him out of his shell like the members do.

he wants to be able to laugh without trouble around his s/o and let loose. xiaojun sometimes gets annoyed, mostly feigned annoyance, so it would be nice for an s/o to fit in like the members: making fun of his angry face and rolling eyes and then having some light banter

he’s also gonna need an s/o who’s not afraid to pull him back whenever he says out of pocket things. they’re not necessarily harmful just extremely blunt at times that makes you cringe and you have to pull him back to tell him of his comments LOL

xiaojun would... not go into an r/s with a foreign partner i feel, but he will TRY if the conversation is not too awkward, save for like activities and such. like others in this post, he’ll make an effort if he’s committed to you, and only if you’re sure of dating him as well

xiaojun loves a cute style lawd!

HENDERY

same age, younger, older, tbh i don’t think hendery cares that much

he would want a shorter s/o though, i feel

wants a fun and playful s/o, someone who’s just so enjoyable to be around that he sometimes forgets himself and gets lost in the happiness you two give out

he does also want an s/o who can make him shy and basically challenge his personality, but not in a headbutt way where it’s your same two personalities against each other. it’s rather two variations of the same feeling like your playful aura against hendery’s playful aura, which would be honestly quite fun to watch and experience bc you’re just trying to one-up each other

and idk, because he’s talkative quite often, he feels like it would be nice to be the flustered, eyes-wide one for once

hendery in a foreign partner relationship... he would try, but i think he’d be a little intimidated at the languages that he has to have some time to warm up. he would commit and make the effort if he was willing to, though

oversized fits are his shit!!!! he also doesn’t mind seeing you explore with your appearance and style, esp in the goth or rebel kinda style 

RENJUN

same age or younger, wouldn’t mind if you were taller since he knows his height is not THAT high

renjun loves for you to hold him though

the cheeky lad wants a laid back s/o, who doesn’t take life so seriously as well and like hendery, would like it if his s/o was a bit goofy and playful

would also want an s/o who’s deep about the universe and stuff, kinda intelligent to debate alien life and what not, he wants to be able to talk to you about anything and keep the conversation going even if you’re talking about something simple and dumb like snacks

i also can’t exactly see renjun go for a foreign s/o, mainly because of the language barrier, but i can see him trying if he’s able to get help from mark hyung and if the situation allows for you to meet frequently

renjun would definitely like a cute style on his s/o, but also would like more flashy or out-of-the-box outfits. as long as you’re comfy then he’s fine

JENO

same age. he likes to be taken care of though, would maybe be a 60/40 split of you taking care vs him taking care of you respectively

i feel like jeno would like a shorter s/o!

cute s/o, maybe matching up to the personality of jaemin since he was his longest friend from before. enthusiastic while he takes the back seat and admires you

while jaemin loses his social battery over time, jeno wouldn’t mind if you were a literal menace like haechan bc he feels that would make the r/s really fun

see him preferring a korean-speaking person. kinda like doyoung but not quite, he’s more careful than serious (?) about his idol life, and he wouldn’t want to take the risk

HAECHAN

same age or older i feel. equal split of who’s the embracer in the relationship though 

wouldn’t mind a taller person, although he’d prefer if you were around the same height bc he doesn’t want to be teased by his members lol

i feel like haechan would rlly like y2k outfits on his s/o? a mix of baggy outfits as well as cute ones

his natural outgoing personality allows him to get together with a foreign person i feel, bc he’d suggest things that don’t need talking like bowling or an arcade y’know? he struggles a bit with native languages tho, bc he’s so used to speaking korean

btw please egg him on, he loves it when you do it and also do dumb things with him. he would want someone who doesn’t take life so seriously while also possessing the ability to think deeply i feel, but mostly someone who can keep smiling and strong even through hardships. kinda a happy-go-lucky personality

JAEMIN

younger, i feel. like johnny he has a lot of affection to give like he usually does to jisung…. jisung is grown up alr tho so :”(

loves giving the cuddles, big spoon, etc. he just wants you to feel loved no matter what size you are

he also would love tall people ngl! although sometimes he can’t decide between short and tall people

jaemin would appreciate an affectionate s/o who’s committed to him and also a person who’s just naturally shy i feel

they don’t necessarily need to return the energetic bursts of aegyo or stuff (he’d love it though) and also someone who just enjoys life and the small little things in general

would not mind dating a foreigner, would love to learn about your native language actually!

he likes cutesy appearances i reckon, a bit of oversized styles but overall likes the pastels

YANG YANG

same age or older, likes to be taken care of tbh

yang yang is also someone who doesn’t care if you’re short or tall, and likes you either way :)

does not mind a foreign person, plus he’s moved countries a little and could maybe find solace in the fact that his homes are sometimes not fixed, esp with how many languages he speaks as well

yang yang would want an s/o who lives up to his excitement in jokes and memes. he would feel a bit down if you happen to not understand a joke although he cant blame you, but he would want someone almost identical to him? 

create chaos together and then fall asleep together

can see him liking a cute style tbh, and also reaaaaally likes to match outfits with you in your own respective styles

SHOTARO

same age, def.

i think being in nct has made him a little shy as compared to before when he was in a dance crew, so he’d need someone to encourage him while also taking care of him!!

talking to a non japanese- or korean- speaking person might scare him, so he would settle just for that. shotaro wouldn’t mind in a sense if he knows the other person is committed, but the language barrier for the first few dates would be awkward

ooohhh likes it when people are confident definitely, comfortable in their own skin. shotaro is another person i feel would really be attracted to y2k fits

like i said earlier, shotaro just needs a little push, which would help with an outgoing s/o and someone who’s not afraid to try new things. he feeds off your confidence and uses that to boost his!

CHENLE

doesn’t mind an s/o who is the same age or a tad bit older, i’m not sure if i see him with a younger s/o

doesn’t care if you’re tall or short as long as you give him his damn hugs!!!! 

outgoing personality? check. he would literally befriend anyone, and wouldn’t mind a foreign s/o who doesn’t speak korean or chinese. with his limited english, he could probably make an outing fun by doing activities together and will learn your language!!

an s/o who can calm him down. chenle uses up his energy a lot and can get worn out and just wants someone to embrace at the end of the day. i wouldn’t say its similar to taeyong who’s sometimes tired from taking care of the members, but rather in a way where it’s a little playful and bubbly in your own little circle.

it’s a different kind of happy that chenle feels with you as opposed to the joy that the members bring him.

chenle also would want someone who’s sure of themselves, more so in personality rather than apperance. he likes all sizes and colours and styles, altho leans more toward the oversized sector

SUNGCHAN

sungchan is bit mischievous, so i feel like he naturally lean towards an s/o who can kinda be the “mother slash partner” of him: either the same age or younger, leaning more toward a same aged s/o

lawd this man is so tall. i think he’d want a shorter partner, sometimes a bit awkward with the affection but overall likes to give it. plus point: he likes to see you struggle wrap your body around his to get all of him in your cuddles

he wants to be able to relate to them and wouldn’t want awkwardness, so i don’t think he would go for a foreign person as of now

sungchan likes someone to have fun with him, ofc he’s aware that he can’t take away all their problems but he would want his s/o to feel relaxed and content around him with his goofy personality

sungchan likes a cutesy style, maybe, BUT i always see him being really drawn to y2k fits!!!

JISUNG

leaning more towards the same age (+/-1). i think a noona would make him shy and a younger s/o would just feel weird to him idk. 

this man is also very tall, so probs a shorter s/o,,,,, would not mind if you are tall though!! he just likes to have you in his arms instead of the other way round (so you can’t see his flushed face)

not sure if he’d commit to a r/s that is foreign, but he would try with the help of mark-hyung or something. the reason why he’d take it was because the members would help me, but if not, he wouldn’t take the risk with his idol life at stake.

jisung wants someone who’s self-assured as well, strong in mettle and who has a strong character that helps him build up his drive. seeing you in your element helps him achieve more and he appreciates that you are able to provide him with a source of motivation

jisung likes cute stuff, but he does like oversized fits!

[gogolstoelicker]

Yahoo ! Can you make this please ?

The dorm leaders, vices and the rest reacting to Ace having a powerful Unique magic more powerful that malleus (if it's too much you can only do the dorm leader (if you don't have ideas here is one)

Ace Unique magic is rabbit hole : He has a shadow who can crontrol a person shadow so he can controle the person, the shadow may take a person apperence, personality and magic so the shadow go to Ace and be in him so Ace can be that person, personality and their unique magic and last the shadow can make himself a hole when a person fall in it they gonna live a cruel nightmare and gonna be tortured mentaly and Ace gonna be there to watch them

Hope it is ok ! 😊

Twisted wonderland reaction to Ace's unique magic

ace may be an ass but hes not an ass ass alright

Warning: slight spoilers for book 6

Note: •im sorry if it doesn't reach ur expectations since uh i barely mentioned abt what his UM is like or just him using it on someone💀i genuinely can't see ace using his UM to harm someone unless ofc someone he cared for got their safety threatened or for his own safety

•also sorry if i got the UM kind of wrong? or if the parts are short💀

Heartslabyul:

he most likely won't use his unique magic to harm someone🤔well at least i hope so💀

so lets say riddle is safe (kind of)

pretty sure ace got enough revenge by punching him anyway

he just plays pranks do not worry!:D

imagine riddle being woken up in the middle of the night just to see some random shadow who looks like him

ace got collared in the morning btw

deuce is... deuce

at first he goes 😰😰

but then he goes 🤬y🤬you think that scared me⁉️

and then went back to fistfighting with ace

maybe tho maybe ace will like play around with his UM to scare them🤔but that's all

oh right speaking of which, he'll surely brag abt it 24/7

"yeah ok thats ur unique magic but have u seen mine?"

but if we're being frfr💯, his own ability scares him sometimes💀

like ace??? getting THIS big of a responsibility??? damn that makes him wanna sob

ace when he found out abt his um:

it lasted for about a week before he finally went "maybe this isn't so bad yall‼️‼️"

cater was like yikes but lemme take a quick selfie

^it got viral and that's how everyone else found out too

hehe oops -cater before running off

ace doesn't care much??? hey hes getting famous, sounds like a win for him

now he walks around school with people being scared of him

at first he went 🤩😘🤷‍♀

but then after a few weeks he went😁😟😔

bc people are avoiding him and its kind of sad????

thats when his bros from heartslabyul comforted him

a small tea party for them‼️‼️ with the bros from ramshackle dorm too‼️

this may sound like a surprise since ace pranked him nonestop but riddle is the one who planned it

deuce brought it up and cater said lets cheer him up

and then riddle went "leave the planning to me"

trey made the best pastries

even put a small word of motivation for him ontop of it

ace sobbing in his pillow at night /pos:

trey seeing it while walking around the dorm checking on the freshmen🤨⁉️

leona goign RAWF RAWR GRR bc THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE HIM🤬

Savanaclaw:

oh well he can't do anything abt it

so the most ace will get from him is😡 looks

ace: ?????

"i dont think I've pissed anyone from savanaclaw off lately🤔"

ruggie would be cautious around ace

all bc he doesn't wanna get tangled up on smth he can't handle

other than that he's still the same as ever😘

maybe he'll think twice before stealing from ace but

hey if he doesn't know its u, he can't do anything abt it amirite⁉️

jack is shocked bc like

wow that troublemaker friend of mine is THIS strong🤔u really can't underestimate people

overall a supportive friend

not scared❌will knock ace out if he do smth against his morals

will invite ace to practice with him

he said "so that u can control that better"

and smth abt how he can still be stronger anyway🤔so why stop now🤔

ace sobbing bc jack actually woke him up at 5am or smth just to practice

Octavinelle:

the dorm that's on thin ice

one wrong move and ace gon use it on them woops💀

floyd chase him around sometimes for shits and giggles

in a good mood that is

hey he just wants to see ace lose his cool and use hid UM alright‼️

although most of the times, ace FORGOT what his UM was when he saw floyd chasing him💀

bro still got that unhealed trauma from book3

its ok ace its better than jade at least⁉️

bc hes officially jade's test subject💀

sometimes he just

control jade to go far FAR away from him

but hey it works at least⁉️

and it kind of satisfied + pissed jade off bc like

one. he can't do his usual mushroom test subject plan

two. he kind of got to see the UM and test it for himself so like🤗

azul? he is curious🤗

goodluck to ace for having to deal with menaces all day long

ig its a price to pay for being a menace himself

azul wants to know how it works + how it'll benefit him + how to get ace to work for him etc

so ace will sometimes see azul studying him fron afar

ace probably: 😟 (unhealed trauma yknow)

Scarabia:

kalim does not care or fear him💀

HE DOESN'T EVEN FEAR MALLEUS WHAT DO YALL EXPECT

would literally run up to ace and ask him abt his UM out of curiosity

with jamil trying to stop him bc ‼️DANGER‼️HELLO‼️⁉️

i don't think ace can use his UM on kalim tbh

bc like we all know kalim's intention is pure💀ljke he would never approach someone with bad reasons

so ace lowkey got his conscience stabbed whenever he even thinks of using his UM on kalim

if he ever did🤔

jamil tho? maybe he would after careful consideration

HELOKELSMLSKA

i didn't mean this in a mean way (i think)

im just saying he would use it on jamil as a way to get back at him

say there's this strategic game and he loses

he'll use his UM on jamil for shits and giggles

careful not to harm him ofc💀

he better run tho bc jamil will surely give him a nice beating for that

Pomefiore:

🌟welcome🌟 to ace's new stalker kind follower🙏✨ROOK HUNT✨🙏

we all expected this come on

look at rook, now look at me in the eyes and tell me he won't follow ace around after finding out abt his UM

rook heared it and went "THAT IS VERY INTERESTING😍" and from then on, ace's nightmares started

actually tried to scare rook off with his UM but it backfired

bc not only did rook got more interested, he also follows him even more now:D!

vil did sternly told rook to lay off stalking ace but

but hey will rook ever listen to that?

mhm

speaking of vil, he doesn't care much

tho he does encouraged ace to learn how to control his UM better for his and the people around him sake

epel however took this as an inspiration

if THAT ace got to be strong, then surely he can too‼️

will never ask ace to teach him tho (that'll flare up ace's ego)

sometimes wishes he can have that UM so he can protect the people around him better rather than with his UM

(its ok epel u can use ur UM to help protect my sleep schedule)

Ignihyde:

oh yikes idia def doesn't wanna get tangled up with ace lmao

its ok its a nice UM but pls don't bother him😘

he did nothing wrong in this life, pls don't EVER use that UM on him🤗

ortho however, while cautious abt it, is pretty happy for ace

like wow his friend got THIS strong⁉️congrats⁉️⁉️

will do daily checkups on ace just to make sure he's not overdoing it

will suggest to ace for him to train more so he can control his UM better

even offered ace he'll train him himself💀

ace ain't getting any rest now from the constant training and schoolwork

its ok it can't be that bad amirite

ignihyde is probably the shortest one of all but oh well, bear with me here

Diasomnia:

sebek is ofc the first one to find out

the first years bros will always find out first‼️

he is BEYOND shocked💀

like damn THAT ace is stronger than his master😰⁉️are we sure we're talking about the same ace here

angrily rants about it during teatime in the diasomnia dorm

lilia have heard of it too!

how u may ask? teehee, thats a secret

doesn't make a big deal out of it tho

he likes how ace can surpass his own expectations tho^^ lowkey makes the old man happy for some reason

silver does not care sorry HELP

he's busy trying to stay awake already, u can't blame him for not caring abt this newfound information

malleus is pretty surprised when he heard of it

probably the last one to hear abt ace's UM💀

bc sometimes hes not invited to those tetimes

he either hear it from sebek one day bc they saw ace

or from the mc bc the mc needs someone to rant to abt how thry couldn't believe of all people, ace is the one who's the strongest among their gang

while he is surprised, i don't think, he'll care much??🤔

i mean hes not even friends with ace. what do u expect

well i mean there's some hope for him tho

bc like ace is feared now too😁so do u think he can be his friend too since they experienced the same thing😍😘⁉️PLEASE.

nothing is more important to malleus than invitations and friends /j

Ramshackle:

ah yes, ace's 2nd dorm

he basically THRIVE on scaring the residents there (the only 5 residents) with his UM

will brag to grim about it daily

and will absolutely use it on grim for shits and giggles

grim clawing him after:

mc absolutely not believing ace is the strongest

still support him tho‼️good for ace ig

ace brought out that maybe he should be the prefect for heartslabyul/ramshackle and absolutely getting his ass kicked out

like u ungrateful swine🤬i let u sleep here when u don't wanna face ur dorm leader and this is how u repay me🤬⁉️

ace thought it was hilarious btw

he had fun scaring the mc and grim with his UM too

absolutely teams up with the three ghosts to scare them both

got his ass grounded after LMFOAOAOAOA

[zarafey]

Afaik im a student on literally the opposite side of the world from you and it's exactly the same here.

I think I had a bit of luck with my high school bc we were taught to be very self sufficient and not ask many questions/ask for any help (which has its own issues but that's another topic)

Now in uni so many of my class mates ask the most obvious questions (at least for me). Asking how to do assignments and wanting very detailed step by step instructions bc the fear of doing something wrong is just that big. But also because some school do basically spoon feed their students and well... Coddle them a bit too much.

There was this one assignment in a statistics class that a lot of people struggled with bc the professor didn't explain the statistics program in depth and some numbers in the excel file got mixed up (excel turned it into a date instead of a number etc) and the people were unable to do this assignment. (the assignment was actually incredibly easy because he did provide all answers in a different document where you could look up how to get to the answers for your own numbers)

I started that assignment and had no idea what I was doing. I literally just opened all documents and tried out stuff until I understood what I have to do to get the answers.

Half the class got together and wrote a complaint to the student administrator of our class about how this assignment was unfair bc so many excel files were 'unusable' etc. (there were a lot of people who wrote to me about their issues bc I posted in the group chat that I thought it was fairly easy. Most of their problems were solved by a 5 minute Google search).

And that's not the only time something like that happens in my class. My class mates also prefer going over the professors head and complaining to the administration first thing despite them having told us multiple time to talk with the professor first.

I always thought one of the great strengths in my generation was the ability to Google and easily find information for ourselves. Apperently that's not the point because in university it seems like Noone wants to find solutions themselves and everyone just wants instructions by the professors.

There is also this distinct lack of trying things and 'fucking around' without a prompt or an instruction. It seems like everyone's creativity and curiosity just got stamped down a bunch. Many people in my class think im some genius with statistics, meanwhile I just spend some time with the data and try out whatever idea I have and use the internet if I don't already know how to get where I want.

Just last Semester we had a lecture about education and psychology which was very interesting. Because the lecturer talked a lot about the effects the current school system had on kids and you could see all those effects playing out live in the lecture as well. He talked about how kids curiosity got pushed down and when people raised their hands they didn't ask questions that could lead to discussion but questions about which page in the book this is or if this is relevant to the exam.

There are a few people in my class who still have this 'academic spirit' and this curiosity and interest. But it's kind of sad that when it comes to discussions only a handful of people actively participate. (we are also not that big of a class. 40ppl in total and around 20 sitting regularly in lectures).

I really wonder if this is all about the current school system and how much of this phenomenon is also coming from the 'academization' of today's world. A lot of people who don't actually want to go to university still go because it's socially expected of them. In Austria we have this concept of apprentice jobs, where you get vocational training that is very praxis oriented and come out as a fully qualified professional in that field. It's jobs like carpenters, cooks, painters, mechanics etc. And every year less people go into these apprenticeships because their social 'value' is seen as less (even if the government is trying really hard to make them seem appealing to people).

There's also these 'job orientied schools' where you come out as a graduate and are qualified to go to university, but you also have a full professional education as well. With those you can get jobs like acountants and stuff to do with it and mechanics and gastronomy and tourism and kindergartens and administrative work etc. It used to be that people went to these schools and then started work. Did some further training for some more specializations etc but those are still very different from the full academic experience I think.

Nowadays almost every graduate from these schools goes to university, because it's what's expected of them. And there's so many new university paths that sometimes don't make sense at all because you just do not need academic training in those jobs. So now you have all these people that just wanna be idk a physiotherapist sitting in these classes and learning how to conduct studies, how to write academic papers, and a wealth of theoretical knowledge they are almost never gonna need in the day to day job.

You have people studying Psychology (where there is such a big focus on research and statistics etc) even though they want to be psychotherapists (which is something different in Austria and also where the education doesn't have that big of an academic focus).

So yeah I don't know how it is in other countries, but I think this low academic spirit in so many students is definitely to blame on the current school system. But maybe also partly to blame on the fact that academia is just... not for everyone and there's a lot of people being 'forced' into academia that don't want to be there (which is literally not to say that academia is somehow better than everything else. On the contrary, non academic jobs are literally the backbone of society and without them most things would just colapse).

I've taught the same couple classes for a few years, and each term the percent/volume of questions about the assignments has gone up, based on the same (or more!) starting info in the outlines and rubrics. Students are so focused on getting The Right Answer and doing things Right that they don't trust their own judgement and ask a ton of questions to make sure they're doing things right or want an excruciating level of detail.

And honestly? It's exhausting and a little frustrating.

I want students to succeed and feel confident in themselves, but I also don't want to be holding the hand of whole ass adults and telling them which specific passages in the textbook are the most critical to focus on and that yes they're on the right track with that analysis or that it's fine to interpret as they've done or that yes when we say apply the concepts from class those are the concepts we mean and yes when we say make a critical judgment we do expect you to apply critical thinking and evidence and that's exactly what it says in the assignment outline and -

I know it comes from a place of anxiety and it's how they're trained so I don't put this frustration back on the student but as an educator, it feels like a certain amount of bullshit to be teaching graduate level classes with the same degree of hand holding I would have sought as a student in *maybe* my first term of uni but realistically only sought early to midway through high school, if that.

The kids (and many of the adults) aren't all right, y'all. And the burn out and burden this places on everyone else in the system is just as much of a problem.

[medical-gal]

Death by a thousand cuts

I have been thinking about writing this for months now. Even before I decided to quit the residency at my previous job.

COVID has been kicking our ass, true, but that was (is) true for most healthcare providers all around the world.

No, my struggle started a bit before that actually.

First some background, I have been working at one of the biggest most famous ID clinics in central Europe. The clinic is in a different country than I am originally from so there was a bit of cultural accommodating at the begging. But we were a big group of ID interns/residents/fellows and specialists.

I don't actually remember that much from my first year working there. And I couldn't figure out why, but then I read in some study that when u experience a high dose of stress and/or sleep deprivation for a long time, your brain kinda stopps being able to transcribe short term memory into a long term.

I was working 100hours/week, sometimes less, sometimes more. After a year and a half, when the last half I worked in the ID ER for five months, I always stayed after working 24 hours, sometimes over 36hours, and I would see and treat 70ish patients. Nobody from the older docs would help me out, nobody from other interns either bc usually they would have their own kind of hell to take care of.

The fact that basically, inexperienced doctors are taking care of patients never really phased my ex-boss. Her mantra was that if there was a problem that you cannot resolve, you can call her and she would advise you. Which most of the time was true, I must say that.

But we all have been young docs, barely out of our medical school garments, and sometimes as it happened, we could not recognize there IS a problem that maybe needs a more experienced opinion.

I am often confronted with this idea or more like a culture, of pretending that once you are an MD you don't need help and asking for it is a kind of weakness and that then you are forever on the list of WEAKLINGS.

And let me say this only once.

That's absolute bullshit.

Anyway, the first time I decided to quit I worked there for about a year and a half, I went for a long-expected holiday, I took three weeks off, had interviews and talked with my bf about my options.

Second thing...my man, bless his beard, would support me no matter what. He is almost 10 years older than me, so he has more work experience and I find it reassuring to discuss stuff like this with him bc I know he will not sugarcoat it. He said that I should dig my heels in and last at least one more year till the end of my "internship". As a "resident" who worked at this specific department, I wouldn't have a problem finding another job. We r basically the equivalent of a french legion of medical professionals (when u work in this specific department and everyone knows it, I will come back to that later).

So I took his advice. Thankfully as a part of our training, one of those parts is a year-long internship at the internal medicine department, which I did shortly after we had that conversation and guys, that was a revelation of how medicine and just...work and life can be experienced. There were enough docs for a floor, an attending who had the time to manage and advise us. I´ve grown that year as a doc so much. Other internships were mandatory so I could have become (equivalent of) a resident, and it was a general surgery, anesthesiology, radiology, microbiology etc. But I did them all and became a resident.

The moment I came back to our clinic, my boss would put me in our outpatient department. Which I have never worked on before. The head of the department has quit a few months before, and I had no idea what to do there, bc it's a very different type work. The only thing my boss told me when I spoke of my concerns were "you will learn".

Thankfully the previous head of the department was a good friend of mine and she would always answer my questions and requests. Suddenly I no longer had to deal with the hectic life of an ID floor or ER, no sepsis, meningitis, etc.

Most of my patients were the chronic type...Lyme, chlamydia, mycoplasma... let's say it literally drained the life out of me. But I managed. Also, I started to work for their outpatient office which takes care of patients with chronic hepatatis. That I enjoyed more.

I also started to dip my toes in vaccinology, either planned like for travel but I started to be more interested in preventive care in the immunocompromised and my own phantasmagoria was to make a palliative care team in our hospital. Bc, we had none. And then a wonderful thing happened, other docs, older experienced, great at their work, started to refer their patients to me specifically.

There were more examples of the utter a complete FUCK U(s) which were kindly provided either by the system or by the head of the department or the hospital.

Then covid hit and the shit hit the interstellar space.

I still can't make myself remember the first few months bc it actually causes me to go into a rage fit, and honestly, I am done with that kind of negativity.

I hold out for a year. Year of such shitty treatment from the chief and our hospital head. No thank you- s or you are doing a good job or we r all on the same ship.

No.

People will say that I quit bc of the money. And that's not true, tho it did irk me a bit. All the other ID specialists working at different hospitals would get covid bonuses every month. We got jack shit. Again, the best biggest most know ID clinic. We were the first and oftern the ONLY ones who would test for/diagnose/hospitalize/treat a patient who had covid FOR MONTHS in the beginning.

I mean, the medical community is small, the ID community even smaller so yes, we were able to compare and contrast the work at different ID departments in other hospitals bc our friends worked there. And all of them would go speechless when they would hear from us what we were living thru.

At one point at the beginning of the pandemic, ALL the ambulances would go thru our ER department and we were supposed to decide where the patient should go.

AN EXAMPLE

Ambulance with a woman who has known colon cancer, had a fever, stomach as a rock and is projectile vomiting. I was supposed to decide where she should go and the surgeon would be super pissed when I said that I don't think she has COVID but without PCR I can't be sure but I think there is a bigger pressing issue. I remember him saying:

"well if anyone else gets infected at our department and dies, it's on you."

fun.

There were other examples of seriously stressful episodes which I and my coworkers lived thru, for which we were not trained for, advised, or properly supervised. At a certain point, I started to take anxiolytics before and during my all-nighters bc I didn't know what I would do with all that stress which was so callously shat on me and my coworkers.

For a few months, I stopped working nights, only thru the mercy of my coworkers who saw how exhausted I was and would take my shifts.

Anyway, after only two months I had to start working nights bc I needed the money. The basic pay for docs was just not enough without the extra from night shifts. Talk about exploiting.

The moment however when I decided to QUIT, when I was DONE, when I actually heard my heart break, was the moment at the end of the previous year. They decided to start vaccinating in our tiny small vaccination centre. Let's say a "shit storm" brewing is the light version of events that ensued.

But basically, as I was trying to discuss with my boss that we are all exhausted, that this wave is not slowing down and that throwing more work at us, the docs and nurses and other staff, who are overworked, is not a good idea,

What she basically said to me is that who says things like that is lazy and that if she can handle it everyone must be also.

The thing is..most of us were at the bring. Some would handle it with casual and calous sex, drugs (legal or not), a bottle of wine before sleep. A coworker ended up with antipsychotics.

But u know,

we were all lazy apperently.

I realized there is no way out of this other than quitting. I could not continue being so tired and sad all the time. I took two weeks off, really thought about it. Had diarrhoea and nausea for a week as I realized I will have to quit :D

On a Monday I came back, handed in my notice. Basically what she told me and how she reacted made me realized how right the decision was.

I had to stay there for another three months bc that's the law, but my mood changed significantly.

I got another job in a smaller ID department, working with amazingly kind people, but that's another story.

But that was the only interview I actually looked for and did. I, however, did get several job offers from different types of medicine. From heads of different departments in my old hospital to smaller general medicine chain offices who are looking for ID specialists, to insurance companies.

Like I said, french legion.

Or Runway and your boss is Miranda Pristley. Once u survive that, u survive anything.

But at my old work they would keep hitting you with wave after wave of passive agressive comments about how if u quit, u wont be able to find anything as"prestigious" as this.

There were many other exmaples of a shitty and questionable situations which were treated as "normal" but there is not point on getting on that rage train.

Contrary as it might seem, I am greatful I got to live thru this, good and bad, bc now I know what I am and am not willing to sacrifice for a job. No matter how much I might love it.

[mouse-fantoms]

Helpful

...THIS IS COMPLETELY BC I SAW THIS

Reggie helping Ray, Ray becoming suspicious of his house, follows Julie out to the garage after an incident of the helpfulness in the house

Either Ray was a forgetful person or something else was going on.

It had started when the items he seemed to misplace, seemed to suddenly appear in the most obvious of places. Even though he was 100% sure that he had already checked there.

Such as the time when he had padded his pockets down before leaving for work and realized his wallet was missing. He would normally recruit one of his kids for help but the two were currently at school. Maybe it had fallen between the couch cushions? Nope. Maybe the computer desk? He did a quick scan and nope, not there either. Maybe the dining table? He did place his laptop there to do work sometimes, it made sense it might- not there either. Where on Earth was it? Perhaps he didn’t check the cough throughly enough. He went back to the living room and as soon as he entered his eyes landed to the corner of the computer desk. Right there, placed on the corner, in plain view, was his leather wallet.

He thought it was a little odd considering he had just checked there. He was more so concerned about getting to his job on time and took the wallet off the table and in his back pocket and out the door he went to his job.

If the wallet incident was the only occasion, he probably would have let it slid. However, that was not the only incident. It seemed to only happened when he verbally said what he was missing... odd. A few misplaced things being found here and there could fully well be him being forgetful. Or maybe something else was going on in his house.

~~~

“Julie,” Ray requested after his daughter got up from the table to put her plate in the sink that was full of dirty dishes, “your turn.”

“I know, I know.” She said in response to her dad reminding her to do a chore. “Just let me-”

“Ah uh.” He blocked the archway that lead to the dining room. “When you go out there you lose track of time.”

He didn’t mind that she was spending so much time in the garage, it was the constant reminder of his wife, her mother, after all. The only time he did mind was when it got in the way of Julie’s chores.

“Sorry, I get caught up with band things. I just need to grab something I left in there earlier. I’ll come right back in and do the dishes. Promise.”

He dropped his hands from the doorframe and let her pass since he knew she would keep her word. He didn’t know what kept her in there for hours, she would say band things but how much could get done in there by herself? Maybe he could ask for more information about her band at a later time. Preferably about the sleeveless one.

A few minutes later, after he had sat at the computer desk to check his work emails, he heard the back door. Julie came around the kitchen corner and stopped by the bottom of the staircase to talk to him.

“I told you I would be right back.” She let out, her backpack strung on her shoulder, the item she had gone to retrieve. “You didn’t have to do them.”

He looked quizzical. “What?”

“The dishes. I said I would be-”

She paused her sentence seeing him get up from the desk and walk passed her. They both looked in and saw the now empty sink that was once piled with dirty dishes.

“How did...? I never...?”

“Uh...” Julie said in response to Ray’s clear confusion. “Maybe Carlos did them...” she trailed off, he could tell she didn’t fully believe herself either.

“You know your brother.”

“Well... at least they’re done now.” She set her bag down on the floor.

“Where are you-”

“Forgot something else!” She called as she rounded the corner and went out the back door again, this time looking like she was annoyed.

~~~

“Did- did you...?” Ray asked to his son in response to opening the fridge to get breakfast ready for his kids on the Saturday morning. He knew what he alluded to wasn’t the answer, he knew his son, but was looking for one.

Carlos was sat at the stool of the kitchen counter, seeing his dad open the fridge in plain view. “Maybe Tia brought it?”

Ray held a clear plastic wrapped paper plate of scrabbled eggs in his hand.

He shook his head. “She didn’t bring this.”

“Maybe it’s a ghost.”

“What?”

“The chef ghost.”

“I thought we did his ‘unfinished business’.”

“Maybe it wasn’t.” He shrugged.

Julie came down the stairs into the kitchen. “Eggs?”

“Dad found them in the fridge.” Her brother informed.

“Tia didn’t bring them.” Ray added.

He could have sworn he saw his daughter looking next to him, passed the kitchen island, by the stove. Then her face turned to an annoyed one. Her eyes went back to her dad.

“Maybe you-“

“AHHHHH!” A unison shriek came from the family of three hearing the noise the toaster made.

He dropped the paper plate on the island and went over to the toaster. From the toaster popped up evenly toasted bread.

“I’m telling you it’s probably the ghost.” Ray didn’t catch the elbow hit that Julie did to her brother. “Chef ghost!” He corrected.

“That’s not-” he began to shake his head even though the toast he picked up was not a good point to prove his arugment.

“I didn’t put the toast in, you didn’t put the toast in, Julie didn’t.”

Ray saw from the corner of his eye Julie get a frustrated look and walk away. He looked over his shoulder, saw her go around the corner and heard the back door. He looked to Carlos for some answer.

“Maybe the haunting is too much for her.” He found an excuse.

He dropped the toast back into the device it came from.

“Don’t eat that.” He didn’t need to even look at his son to know he had already grabbed the food he dropped back in. “We don’t know where it’s been.” He advised before going out the back door himself to follow his daughter.

~~~

“Reggie...”

The one in question fell off the couch once Julie closed the door.

“I was being helpful!” He put his palms up in defense.

Luke looked down at his friend on his right who was on the floor and back to Julie, who was clearly irrated based on her crossed arms. He was on the couch with his leg rested on the coffee table in front of him, journal open in his lap, pen in hand.

“What’d he do this time?” Alex asked sat in the chair by the couch, fiddling with his drum sticks.

“I don’t mind you being helpful,” she dropped her arms, stepping closer to the couch, “but when my dad is around-”

“Helpful?” Luke asked wanting more information. “Wait did you do the dishes again?” Recalling the night Julie came back into the garage after getting her backpack. She had given Reggie a warning about being helpful when other people were around.

“No, he made us eggs.”

Alex gasped looking down Reggie on the floor. “You made them your eggs? Why didn’t you tell us?”

“We wouldn’t be able to eat them anyways.” He put his arms on the edge of the couch and pushed himself back up next to Luke. “Did you get the toast?”

“You could have warned me. Instead of all of us screaming when it popped up.”

“You glared at me when you found out about the eggs. I poofed out because I panicked.”

“Understandable.” Luke sided with Reggie. “Julie’s glares are-” his eyes looked up to the girl who had now re-crossed her arms, looking to hear his answer. “...Understandable.” He repeated not wanting to get in trouble looking back down to the open page in his lap.

“If any of you are going to be ‘helpful’,” she put in air quotes, “be careful when my dad’s around.”

“Maybe you could tell him about us.” Alex suggested Luke’s old one. “Your brother knows, it’s gone pretty well so far.”

“Except for his constant questions.” Luke input.

“He gets so excited though whenever we pick something up.” Reggie countered.

Julie added. “Also when he asks if any of you are in the room.”

“Flynn knows.” Alex added onto his suggestion. “It’s gone well too.”

“I had to tell Flynn though,” she was contemplating the idea, “Carlos found out on his own. What am I supposed to tell him? ‘Hey Dad, the boys in my band are ghosts that live in our garage. The one who’s been helping around the house, that’s Reggie. I didn’t tell you do so long because you would have me visiting Dr. Turner again.’?”

“...well if you want to put it brief.” Luke nodded.

“Just all of you be careful if you’re in the house when my dad’s around.” She repeated to them and headed to the door. She froze once she opened it.

“We can talk about it later,” Ray addressed what he overheard, “but thank you Reggie.” He peaked his head into the studio, looking around to hopefully meet the eyes of the helpful ghost so he knew how appreciative he was. “Is he at the couch?”

“Umm...” he knew his daughter was obviously at a lose of words as a result of him now knowing this information. “...yeah...” she finally said, “How’d... How’d you know?”

“Well, there’s a pen and book floating, also a drumsticks above the chair.”

She looked back at the couch. To her it was the familiar sight of Luke with his journal and pen in hand and Alex with his sticks. To anyone else, they would appear to be objects floating. She turned back to her dad.

“Yeah he’s at the couch. Luke had the journal and pen, Reggie’s next to him and Alex has the sticks.”

He nodded. “Why don’t you come back inside and have some breakfast?”

“You’re taking this rather well.”

He shrugged. “They brought music back to my little girl. How else am I supposed to respond?”

A smile appeared on her face. “Yeah they’re pretty great.” She followed her dad back to the house once closing the garage door behind her. She knew questions would follow, some she had answers to and other’s she didn’t, but it was nice not having to keep them a secret from him anymore.

It was nice to know he wasn’t being forgetful and that something else was truly going on. Out of all the things that could have been going on, having his daughter be in a ghost band, one where one of them is apperently an extra hand around the house, that wasn’t the worst option.

A smile was on her face whenever she was with her band. A smile he hadn’t seen in over a year. The way she was eager to go to the garage everyday. The passion all of them had showed through in their performances. He might not have known all the details yet but what he did know was that her band made her happy and that was enough for him.

[emotionalcello-makefanfics]

Chapters: 2/? Fandom: Red Hood and the Outlaws (Comics), Red Robin (Comics), Batman - All Media Types Rating: Mature Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Tim Drake/Jason Todd Characters: Tim Drake, Jason Todd, Tamara Fox, Some OC for cuteness Additional Tags: Angst, Fluff and Angst, Sickfic, Tim Drake is Not Robin, Tim Drake is Not Red Robin, Jason Todd is Red Hood, Tim Drake Needs a Hug, Jason Todd Needs A Hug, Crying, so much crying, Love Confessions, Cheesy, God it's so cheesy, Cringe, So sweet so cheesy so angsty that you'll cringe, Tim Drake-centric, some Jason POV tho, A wild X-men appereance, I know they're not the same universe but I'm running out of character and running out of creativity, So yeah X-men characters and vaugly their mansion/orphanage too, Bruce Wayne Bashing, Some things that I don't put down bcs it'll be a spoiler, Smoking, Implied/Referenced Sex, POV from a cat????, The Clichést Cliché that ever Cliché, Cliche Summary:

They meet again on a rooftop after ten years. They're different now, and things are not the same. It's all too late. Chapter 1 sneakpeek

“Don’t jump.”

Sighing exasperatedly, Tim puts down his cigarette-clutching fingers and drags his eyes to the source of the voice. His gelled-back hair loses its hold and a strand of ear-length bangs falls to his vision.

Sadly, without seeing him and just from the voice, Tim knows exactly who this person is. One of the Bat franchise, and it just had to be the Red Hood variation, fucking great. Out of all time, it has to be tonight. The world is playing a joke on him.

Tim is sitting hunched on the rooftop’s edge, wishing he’d have some peace and quiet for once, and of course one of these pestering bats just has to bug him at the worst time. Yet, it’s actually pretty rare for Red Hood to patrol Gotham lately, and Tim curses up a storm in his mind. Out of all the days, it just has to be fucking tonight.

No, Tim is not having it.

“This man has too much to do tomorrow to jump.” Tim looks away, getting a light from his suit.

One hand lighting another one of his death stick, and the other unbuttoning his suit and loosens his tie. After a puff and two, Tim drags in and keeps the smoke in, letting his nerves uncoil. Seems like it doesn’t work that well when the big bad shadow of a vigilante doesn’t move from the corner of his eyes.

“I’m not jumping, go away, I can’t deal with you tonight,” Tim says as he sighs the smoke away to the red polluted sky, thinking the man must be deaf or just not convinced. Maybe the latter, the bats are famous for their tact after all. People say they’re purely human. Seeing Red hood’s physique, maybe this one becomes meta-human at some point.

Tim looks the other way so the vigilante is completely out of his vision, to make a point that he’s not having this conversation. He looks to the city, engulfed by the red sky. It’s bright since this building is at the heart of the city, where the higher caste of Gothamites live and prosper. You can see the border around the bright side of the city where the lights stop dead and darkness begins. The poor side of the city. The gap is ghastly, it’s what makes Gotham what it is.

Tim is not surprised but highly disappointed when he hears shuffling instead, and when he looks at where the tall brick wall of a man, he already sits down next to him. Red Hood keeps a respectable distance though, at least he has that much of a tact.

Red Hood hooks his fingers inside his helmet, does some finger shimmy, and the red shiny mask helmet is off. His face is still covered by a domino mask, his hair looks damp, and his gloved hands rake his jet black hair back. Curls bounce to his forehead, sighing a fog, the only indication that the weather is reaching the end of the year. In turn, Tim felt his cleanly shaved nape chilled.

From inside the leather jacket, the vigilante digs to look for something, and that’s when Tim realized he’s been looking at the cuts on Red Hood’s exposed forearms from the folded sleeves. Very thick and muscled forearms. This guy either lifts all day or a meta-human, not that Tim cares anymore.

“Got a light?” Red says, plush lips smirking.

Tim sighs, guess he has company today. He digs into his suit and throws him his lighter. The masked man inspects it and Tim rolls his eyes. The lighter is a metal one that you flip, and on it engraved ‘From my heart with love, that this one lasts longer, Tam.’

“A sweetheart of yours?” Says the man, the second sentence he speaks, and Tim doesn’t recognize the voice. Deep, gravely, the typical voice of someone that smokes.

Red Hood extends his hand to give back the lighter to Tim instead of throwing it, must’ve thought it’s special.

“Kind of,” Tim says, receiving the lighter.

Red Hood drags in, keeps the smoke in, “Why kind of?” and sighs.

“Never established the relationship.”

“Commitment issues?”

Tim quirks an eyebrow at the man, sitting just as hunched as him. There’s a pillar beside Tim, and he lays his back there, thinking whether or not he should engage in this conversation. Eh, why not right? It’s not like it’s confidential information, and Tim is just so tired of caring about social politics.

“I was too late,” Tim says. It’s not as painful to say now, but lately, Tim has been numb. He’s been numb for years. Tim’s gay, or so he thought. When he began to really love her, she’s gone from him.

“Girl got another guy?” Red Hood teases.

“Girl got dead,” Tim deadpans. The smile dropped from the vigilante’s mouth, and if only he can see his eyes, panic would look funny on the all-powerful Bat. But, no, Tim can see his tell by the tapping hands.

“Ah fuck, sorry.”

Tim chuckles at the spectacle of an awkward vigilante. Maybe this night won’t be so bad after all.

“Relax, I’m not too sad about it now, it was years ago.”

It’s hard to predict Red’s expression with that domino mask that takes his cheekbones and half his forehead, but Tim’s pretty sure the twist on that mouth means his opinion of Tim isn’t good. Well, not that Tim cares.

“How did she die?”

“Wrong place, wrong time,” Tim put the filter on his lips and drags in as deep as he can. Too deep, and Tim coughs hard, once and twice that his vision blurs. Her face comes to vision, the morbidity of her expression tips Tim’s nerves off balance. Tim quickly takes another deep drag, “She was in the Joker’s way.”

At the name, Red Hood snaps his face at Tim. Slowly, languidly, Tim looks back. The vigilante clenched jaw and balled fists look like he’s about to kill somebody. Tim knows that a few years ago Red Hood kidnapped Joker, didn’t kill him, and just vanished before popping up again to have a vendetta against Batman. What a load of drama those bunch.

This also means that Tim knows exactly who this person is. Suddenly the voice registers, the familiar jaw, the soft fucking tone.

He blames it on the nicotine that his heart is calmer than he’d like, his mind still not on overdrive, still plagued with Tam’s face as she died in front of him. He’d breathe smoke instead of oxygen if he could. God he wished he’d breathe smoke from now on. Why does it have to be today? One grace from the universe is that Tim -for some reason- feels amused instead of dread.

“You look like you’re about to kill somebody, Red,” Tim says, can’t help the ease and sass in his voice. Tim lays back hunched, crosses his legs. “I thought you let go of your vendetta against the Joker.”

“Where do you hear that bullshit?” Redhood snaps and Tim can’t help but let go another chuckle.

“People talk, words get around,” Tim says.

“Then they’re far off the truth,” Red hisses before dragging in his cig.

“Yet the Joker still roams.”

“Ain’t my call.”

“Is it the big bat daddy calls?”

Red Hood splutters at the name and Tim smirks evilly at the reaction. “Ew, don’t call him that!”

“I can call that higher-than-thou furry hero wannabe anything I want,” Tim spits bitterly, looking out to the city. Sometimes when he’s really lucky, he’ll catch one of the bats twirling in the sky, and now one of ‘em is sitting beside him, but sadly it’s not the most shocking knowledge he has today. “One of these days it’s going to be my turn.”

“What?”

“Dying in the collision of mad men’s evil master plan you refuse to get rid of.”

“Ck, I don’t like what you’re insinuating.”

“Sorry then, I don’t mean to insinuate anything. This is me telling you loud and clear that you’re all cowards for not killing these maniacs that kill us like ants when you have the power to stop them.” Tim’s voice is even and chill, it did not raise a tone, but it reduces the bulk of a man beside him to still. “Some of us rooted for you when you caught the Joker, and your reputation gives us high hopes that it’ll be the last of him. Then he showed up again.” Tim feels the lighter in his pocket burn, “Then Tam died.”

Tim pumps his lung full of smokes, keeping it in there so that the clawing gloom will die before it takes roots.

“I almost did kill him, Batman stopped me,” the gravel voice says lowly.

Tim feels himself stiffens, now that’s something he doesn’t know. His eyes scan the hunched vigilante, trying to find any sign of a lie, there’s none.

“Shit,” Tim curses, sighing up smoke and quickly takes a deep drag in. “Fuck Batman.”

For the first time, Tim hears Red chuckle, “Yeah, fuck him.”

“Still your family though, right?” Tim says, earning what he thinks is a glare, who would fucking know with that mask. “Why else would you stay in his line?”

Red Hood looks away, not answering.

“Guess I understand. Proving something to someone.”

Red scoffs, “Would you?”

“You know who I am.”

“Yeah, not your story.”

Tim scoffs at the obvious lie, “Look it up. I have better things to do than telling you my backstory that’s a google search away.”

Tim Drake. Son of the CEOs of Drake Industries. Running smoothly since ever he becomes the COO. Yada yada, young and successful, yada yada, has the reputation to chew out the reporters and a resting bitch face, all that shit. Tim doesn’t have the best bedside manners, but when it comes to business, Tim gets things done, and his business partners know to swallow their pride for a potential too stupid to missed just because Tim has fangs.

“I dunno, you’re pretty mysterious in the eye of the media,” Red says.

“Because they’re nosy pricks and not worth my time when they’re asking me about rumors of my flings.”

“They’re not true?”

“What the fuck are you? Does TMZ sent you?”

“Good point, never mind.”

They let the quiet settle in, and Tim isn’t too bothered by the company so much. The red amber eats to his filter. Tim puts out the light and puts the bud back inside the pack while he gets another one. He looks down at his light, which reminded him of Tam. Damn, she was such a good assistant, she’s also his best friend but a damn better assistant. Tim doesn’t let himself think about it.

He lights another, and puffs.

“Shouldn’t you be patroling?” Tim says before he can stop himself.

“Nah, not here to patrol, just some errands.”

“Don’t mind me. I’m not jumping.”

“No, I know that,” Red says, tone softer that Tim narrows his eyes at him.

“Lonely?” Tim teases, putting the filter in his lips while locking eyes to the pair of white lenses.

Red shrugs, “Just wanna kill time with someone that doesn’t wear one of these,” he says, tapping to his domino mask.

Tim hums imagining himself with his family, “Yeah, me too, I’d take a vigilante franchise over family dinner anytime.”

“Aww,” Red surprisingly coos, making Tim flustered.

“Don’t get it twisted, my family sets a pretty low bar for good company.”

“I can say the same, Timmy.”

Tim flinches, “I didn’t say you can call me Timmy.”

“What about friends then?” Red follows up, ignoring him.

“Joker killed my only best friend. Oh god, stop making that face, everyone I know got someone they know killed by the Joker, or Bane, or.... shit just those freaks.”

“Doesn’t make me feel better.”

“I don’t care what you feel.”

“I’m wounded,” Red says in that joking ‘boo-hoo’ voice but it was the last thing to snap Tim’s patience completely. He hates this casual conversation as if nothing happened.

“I’m not jumping, and I know you’re not here just to talk to some random civilian. You know who I am, so say what you wanna say and go,” Tim inhales deeply after the low-toned rant, only to be met with another silence.

They stay quiet for a few whiles again. Smoking the tension away. After Tim’s cig burns halfway, his nerves calmed down. Then he realizes that Red is looking at him. Staring.

“What?” Tim says, sighing smoke.

“Would you kill Joker if you could?”

“In a heartbeat.”

“Killing someone isn’t as easy as it sounds, especially if you did it before.”

“You underestimate my anger then.”

Red Hood goes still for what Tim is insinuating. His phone vibrates in his pocket. Tim gets it and his new assistant reminds him of a flight in an hour and he needs to be ready in half. Tim puts out his cig and pockets it.

As he stands up, he looks down at Red Hood, really looks at him. It reminded Tim of the time has passed. It’s been so long.

“Nothing to say?” Tim asks, he has an underlying tone of ‘last chance.’

“Thanks for the light.”

Tim clenches his jaw and breaths slowly. What did he expect? “You caught me at a bad time but it’s good to meet you again, Jason.”

When Tim walks away, his elbow is grabbed and he’s spun to face Jason in all his bulk. Looming over him with his height.

“You know who I am?” Red says with a threat in his voice that makes Tim wants to laugh.

“Are you really that surprised? Or did you forget me when you fucking died?” Tim smiles bitterly.

Moments passed, eyes on each other, chest to chest. The last time he sees Jason, Tim was staring at these white lenses too, and Jason was still as tall as him. At this close, Tim sees tiny tears that heal pale than the rest of his tan skin, bulked up body looming over him that used to be similar to his. For anyone, Tim had two best friends, Robin and Jason Wayne-Todd, he had known the two are the same. Seems like Jason doesn’t.

Doesn’t matter now. Everything said and done. Too late.

“Say your goodbyes now,” Tim says, because why else would his childhood friend pops back again after a decade of not saying anything after he returned to life. Tim doesn’t realize it’ll hurt this bad though. Missing Tam doesn’t hurt this bad.

Perhaps it was because the scar never healed right, but he still thinks of Jason like a big chunk of him that’s been torn away forcefully, even now.

“I’m sorry,” Jason finally says, low and guilty, as he should be, but it irks Tim to no end.

“I lost you, and when you’re back you didn’t tell me,” Tim says, his voice cracks and he curses it to hell. Red Hood’s been around for years, and Jason never came to Tim to say he’s alive.  “If you have nothing else to say, let go of me.”

“I didn’t know that you knew.”

“What?”

“I didn’t know you know I was Robin... Did you know... everyone?”

Tim rolls his eyes, “Yes.” Gloved hands still on his elbow, and white lenses not letting him go. The non-challant face he wears slips off as if oil just slicked between the mask and his skin. His heart picks up a beat. There are layers between their skin, Jason’s thick gloves and Tim’s three-piece suit, but it feels warmer. Burning.

“Damn,” Jason curses under his breath.

It’s just a little thing, but Jason’s silence following that is a nother prick to Tim’s skin.

“Is that all?” Tim dismissed, pulling his arm away, but Jason only holds tighter.

“I didn’t know, okay?” Jason pushes, “And you’re a civilian, you’re not supposed to know Jason Todd is back to the land of the living.”

“A civilian,” Tim mutters under his breath. That’s all he is to Jason? All this time. His chest hurts, Tim knows this is because of Jason’s words instead of anything else. “Get away from me.”

“I’ll see you again,” Jason says before letting go.

Before Tim can say don’t bother, the man puts on his red helmet and grapples away. For a moment Tim can see the shadow of red yellow green flying away.

[aitarose]

ATLA GIRLS’ IDEAL TYPES HEADCANON

↳ directory

request: “hey! what are your headcanons about the ATLA girls’ ideal type? as in apperance and personality?” by anon

notes: this includes katara, toph, azula, and suki. no ty lee and mai, bc i’m lowkey feeling lazy rn and i just don’t vibe with them asfdklj

KATARA

personality

❅ i can only imagine katara with one specific type of person

❅ she’d want someone with a kind heart. the sort of person that’d be selfless in even the simplest times

❅ she’d 100% want them to be upfront and honest with their feelings. she’s definitely not a fan of closed off personalities.

❅ her ideal relationship is one where love matters above all else. she always follows her heart and she’d expect you to do the same, even if it’d lead you into some unfortunate situations..

❅ katara’s all about teamwork and staying postive, so you’d BETTER be with her on that level of serotonin.

❅ she just needs someone who will be able to take care of her, not in the protective sense, as she can obviously handle herself..but in the emotional sense

❅ katara’s always worrying and taking care of others, but there’s never anyone truly worrying about her and only her

❅ you’d be her shoulder to cry on..her late night conversation companion..and the person she can always count on to listen

❅ all katara needs is a person who’ll put her first and love her unconditionally

appearance

❅ katara isn’t very dead set on what she would want her partner to look like, she’s more of a personality>looks kind of girl

❅ however, i do think she’d want someone taller than her, luckily for her, aang grew

❅ i’ve also noticed she has a thing for brunettes ex. aang, haru, jet, and very attractive people ex. OLDER aang, haru, jet

❅ so if you’re tall, brunette, and good looking..you’re right up her alley :) lmao after writing that, maybe katara does like looks a little bit

TOPH

personality

❅ toph beifong settles for NO ONE. you’d have to be extremely special to just catch her attention. let alone keep that attention for life.

❅ she’d definitely prefer a bender, not that nonbenders are lame, but toph prefers the best of the best

❅ she’d want someone a little bit like herself, a person who’s tough on the outside, but a softie on the inside

❅ you’d HAVE to have a sense of humor. this girl is as brutal as they come..which means you’re taking shots day and night. ‘shots’ as in her making constant jokes about you

❅ you two would be the most feared pair in republic city, like you’d literally be such an iconic fighting duo and toph would absolutely love it.

❅ she’d be so proud that her partner was someone who was so cool. it’d be important to her that you’re on the same level of awesomeness

❅ in the long run, toph would want to be with someone who could never bore her and as long as you’re constantly full sending it and giving everything all of your effort..you’d be perfect for her

appearance

❅ tbh i don’t think appearances really matter to toph..it’s not like she’d be able to see you anyways.

AZULA

personality

❅ in no world is azula a relationship kind of person. she prefers to get some and then get out

❅ you’d definitely have to be her friend first before starting anything romantic, and we azula is a very complicated girl..very complicated..but also misunderstood

❅ she’d never admit it, but she’d want to be with someone opposite to her own brash nature, someone gentle and sweet with a calming demeanor

❅ she’d want you to balance her negatives with your own positives, in no way does this mean that she’d want any kind of pushover.

❅ you’d have to be the kind of person to retaliate when she crosses the line, since she’d simply get bored of you if you had no backbone.

❅ little arguments and bickering are azula’s unique comfort zone, if the disagreements die down, that’s when she gets antsy

❅ you not only need to fuel her fire..but also smother it when necessary

❅ azula needs someone who can bring out her real feelings, someone who understands her in ways that no one ever did before, and hopefully you’re up for that task, however hard it may be

appearance

❅ azula would have to be with a fellow fire nation citizen, there’s no way she’d ever go for a person from another nation

❅ which means she prefers the tall, lanky kind of build, perhaps a bit of muscle mixed in

❅ she’d prefer someone attractive. she’s gotta keep the line of royalty good looking

❅ but in the end appearances are never the only thing that matters, it’s all about who she can actually tolerate :)

SUKI

personality

❅ now, i can imagine suki with any type of person

❅ she’s has a very versatile kind of personality, and can get along with nearly anyone, but with her future in mind, she’d want to be with some kind of warrior

❅ someone who can defend themself while trusting that she can do the same. she’d NEVER want a partner that dictates everything she does

❅ suki is the definition of free spirit. feeling tied down is not her thing, at all, so there has to be a definite level of trust in your relationship, a silent reassurance that she’d always be fine on her own

❅ if she ever needed help, she’d simply ask, and unless you wanted to live on the road forever..you’d be in a long distance relationship

❅ as a kyoshi warrior suki never knows where she’s going next, communication is key in this kind of situation, she’d always want you to send her updates on how you’re doing and you’d expect the same of her

❅ just a best friend/lovers bond is what you’d share, two people that can spend time apart, yet still be connected

❅ in the end, suki is perfection and only deserves the best.

appearance

❅ SUKI DOESN’T CARE ABOUT APPEARANCES

❅ she has her makeup on 99% of the time anyways. you can barely ever see her own face, so she’s not obsessed with seeing your’s

❅ just treat her with respect and she won’t punch your face in ok?

TAGS: @practicallylivesonline @cherryskyies @shell-bells-ringding @xapham @mochminnie @lammello​

[kingborb]

Spill the tea bestie :0 I'm pretty curious. Deadass I'm so glad, literally EVERYONE I know loves nick and/or dogmeat ONLY and it's so tedious and stale to me. It also makes talking about fallout 4 so boring bc they haven't traveled with anyone else but Nick and dogmeat 😫

Yeah, that's a huge problem and I'm having it too, especially when the tier S companions for me are Preston, X6, Hancock and Gage XD Ok then, I think I can adress few things, why not c: It will be the longest post ever, cause I will try to write everything I can about this topic (cause it bothers me so much). You don't have to read my rumbles of course, I will make tl;dr version somewhere at the end just in case you get bored, my friendly anon <3

Oh and if you want to talk about any companion (I've done everyone except Dance), you can hit me on dms or asks, feel free to do whatever suits you! :3

So I have a few problems with Nick, some of them might not be that serious or game changing, others were huge when I encountered them for the first time. Let's spill some tea on one of the most beloved characters in this game!

1) People see Nick as an empathic person who wants to help people, makes rational, unbiased decisions, and has a good reason to be against the Institute. When I can agree with some of those things, this image of him was ruined for me in the Acadia. Okay, okay, I understand that DiMA actually murdered Avery and it wasn't a good choice. However, it bothers me that Nick sees nothing against forcing DiMA to confess to people from Far Harbor about what he had done in the past (and Nick actually likes this choice!). It is pretty obvious that he would die there and every other synth on the island would share the same fate if not now, then probably in the nearest future. And even if Aleen kills 'only' DiMA (because of the speech check with you) Acadia would fall anyway. Why? Tell me - who would be their next lider? Maybe the ex-courser whose mission is bringing back synths to the safe place because DiMA said it's the right thing to do? Or maybe 'dearest Faraday', depressed after the fact that some random wastelander came to the Acadia and convinced his loved one to literally commit suicide? The only safe place for synths who don't want their minds to be wiped by the Railroad or the Institute would be gone forever and for Nick, our 2nd gen hero, it is the right thing to do. Great. Fantastic. I love his logic.

2) Nick sees DiMA only as a murderer, even though he kills with you so many people on everyday basis... I know it's not the same. But c'mon! DiMA killed once because he knew his people were in danger. It was them or Far Harbor, and obviously he chose the Acadia. What a surprise. I wonder what Nick would do in that situation... I know I'm a bit biased with some of my opinions here, but I love so much the concept of the Acadia and 2nd gen gay nearly-pacifist Plato that DiMA is. Nick doesn't understand that the whole Acadia is in constant danger because of some bigotry in Far Harbor and Children of Atom being, well... Children of Atom. And he does nothing when people from Far Harbor murder not only DiMA but the entirety of Acadia - a group of innocent synths. Their lives apperently mean less for Nick than hiding one bad thing done in the past...

3) So now we can begin the next chapter which is the Railroad. Nick loves their every move, of course he does... I don't want to talk about them too much, but here I can mention their fantastic standards, when it comes to synths. They're killing the 1st gen and the 2nd gen, they're saving the 3rd gen... and what about the coursers? Desdemona is calling them per 'IT'. Fucking hypocrisy hits hard on that one. I know they're enemies but man... Why are you objectifying them? Why are you assuming they don't have personalities only because they're fucking brainwashed and controlled as hell? The existence of Chase and Harkness shows that coursers can resist too, so... Yeah I have a general problem with the Railroad and their double standards, but this fact is killing me every time. And about Nicky, oh... I'm sorry man, but they will shoot you on the side, when you will take off your clothes and appear as every other 1st and 2nd gen.

4) So here's the another thing, which is the atmosphere around him and a character building. People seem to like Nick because he's a unique synth (that's actually a great point) and because of the noir/detective vibe around him (as with Deacon/Railorad and their secret agents vibe - I get that too). I know, I know it's pretty fun to have the 2nd gen experimental synth as a companion who has memories of the detective from the past with... A DEAD FIANCÉE. Yup. Another one. That's why I don't like Deacon's and Maccready's stories too (and the main plot of fo4, especially when I want to play as a character without a wife and a fucking kid...). I like his storyline, don't get me wrong. However I think some companions in fo4 are well-written as well, maybe even better than Nick (I like in them the lack of dead wifes!). The last standing Minutemen, depressed and traumatised, who is such a sweetheart anyway. A killing machine which turns out to be real human being with fears, emotions and insecurities. An asshole who becomes a raider because he didn't want to suffer the same pain as his parents did, and has trust issues because of his past. A lonely, depressed drug addict who wants to see good in people but was rejected by his own brother only because he has became a ghoul. Again, don't get me wrong - Nick's story is really interesting and tragic as hell. His problems with his identity, personality splited between the prewar detective and the 2nd gen synth... It's all fascinating, however I will not forgive the developers recycling over and over again the same fucking cishet tragic story with dead wife/fiancée/whatever. It gets boring and repetitive after the main plot honestly.

5) WHERE THE HELL DID KELLOGG GO AFTER CORRUPTING NICK'S MIND ONCE?! TODD. WHY. It would have been much more interesting than another dead loved one plot. Todd, you lazy ass. He had offered so many, and he gave nothing back... As he always does.

6) The last one, I promise... Nick's reaction after siding with the Institute bothers me so much (the same deal with Piper). I. Am. The. Director. Of. The. Fucking. Thing. And it means I can do whatever I want, cause the director has a pretty authoritarian power there. So I can change everything, including the way they treat synths, accept or deny their experiments, say goodbye to some nasty scientists... The Institute route is not ideal in any way, however I see it as the only reasonable path in this game, even from the lore perspective. The Brotherhood is just a bunch of shitheads in the blimp, and I've said enough here about the Railroad earlier. The Minutemen are great but I would like to have an option to connect their morals with the Institute's resources and wabam - you've got the true happy ending in fo4. I understand why Nick is pissed, however if you are with him on the highest level of the relationship, he knows that you are an emphatic person who wants to make Commonwealth a better place for everyone including synths, ghouls, etc. It would be logical for him to not see you as a traitor. But well, I guess I'm wrong. Whatever, Nicky, whatever...

So here's the lazy version:

1)/2) Nick likes convincing DiMA to tell everyone in Far Harbor that he killed Avery. Nicky does nothing when people from Far Harbor kill innocent synths.

3) The Railroad and their double standards, when it comes to synths, especially coursers, but 1st and 2nd gens too. Nick loves it when you're helping the Railroad, even though they would kill him on a spot if he forgot to wear his clothes, so...

4) Another companion with dead wife/fiancée needs your help.

5) Kellogg in Nicky's mind. Missed opportunity for a good plot... What a shame, Todd.

6) Siding with the Institute and Nick's reaction to that, even when you're at the maximum level of the relationship with him.

[pomegranates-and-blood]

Idk how different the Ivar in nostalgia is from the Ivar on the show, but would he kill reader if she attempts something like running away from him?or turning on him? Just like what happened on the show.

And what would his thought process be if he ever discovered she is planning to go back to Greece?

Hi love! This is a lovely question! Okay, here I go!

The Ivar in Nostalgia got to the throne of Kattegat a couple of years after the Ivar in the show, bc he spent a longer time with his brohters (with the Great Heathen Army) in England; so he is a bit changed. And, througout the story he changes as well, from the man that abducted a poor woman and forced her to marry him, to who he is now (Chapter 35~). So he is a bit different.

Now, I don’t know where you are exactly in the story, but in vague terms the answer would be: depending on where on the progress of their relationship/the story they are, the response would be different. One way or another, Ivar would do whatever it took to keep her with him. Her betrayal wouldn’t cost him Kattegat (unlike the the show), so I don’t think he’d get far enough to kill her, especially because what her leaving him would do to him would be just making him want to hold on to her tighter.

Now, if you are up to date, under the cut I’ll go into more detail, but just in case I wanted to avoid spoilers.

So, after Chapter 21, Ivar is very much aware that the Reader plans (or hopes) to go back to Greece, it is part of the deal they made. In his mind, ever since they made that deal (and he promised to let her freely choose between him and her homeland once Stithulf died), he has ‘known’ what her choice will be. Part of the reason they have such a big fallout in Chapter 23 and onwards is that he takes her choice away from her by acting like she will undoubtely leave him, by firmly believing all she wants is to be free of him and leave him behind.

Still, it is important to him to keep that promise, to keep his word in general. This is why at some points during the story (mainly around Chapter 23 and onwards) he does things that are a bit drastic; because he thinks he knows what her choice would be, and it’s this madness of having given your word that you will one day accept losing the person you want at your side the most.

Her leaving (or preparing to leave) for Greece before Stithulf dies would not only take control of the situation away from Ivar (which, as the Reader notices multiple times, is something Ivar craves/needs), but it also leaves him unprepared to losing her, which would...unbalance him, to say the least. Considering what he has done (I’m talking about the end of Atfǫr here, where he lets Stithulf go after they capture him to get more time before he has to let her choose), the deal not mattering anymore, it not keeping the Reader bound to him anymore, would not sit well with him. At all.

In his mind there is no alternative other than her leaving him. This is what Freydis preys upon in Brim, that Ivar holds on desperately to certainties, and in this case he holds on to the certainty of her choosing to leave him when the time comes; he wouldn’t believe the possibility of her choosing him over Greece (it also ties to the idea that if he considers that she may choose him it is a horrifying uncertainty to live in, as he mentions in Chapter 33, it’s not a life he can live, one where he doesn’t know which side the coin will land on). He goes over it in Unna too:

It feels like living on borrowed time, it feels like he’s awaiting execution but doesn’t know where the axe will fall when the time comes.

He tries telling himself he doesn’t know, at least. But he is a cripple, not an idiot. He took you from your people, held you against your will, made you his wife even though you dreaded the title; he knows what your answer will be when the time comes for him to let you make your choice.

If she left before the deal was done, if she didn’t keep her word and didn’t wait for Stithulf to be dead to return to Greece; I don’t think he’d kill her, but I do think he’d do something drastic. I don’t think the anger would overcome him in that sense, because not only is he older than in canon when he killed Freydis, but also the Reader’s betrayal doesn’t cost him Kattegat, and he isn’t losing his home. And so, he wants to keep her with him, he wants her to stay.

But, going back to his words in Chapter 26:

“I can give you anything you want, if you ask,” He promises, voice low and beseeching. His nose furrows, his teeth bare in a snarl, barely a second but it is still there, his fury at being seen as human, at being vulnerable. Ivar’s eyes burn as they gaze at you when he says, “But never lie to me, never turn your back to me.”

Insider secret again, but: If the Reader asked him to, Ivar would do his damnest to give her Greece, give her Attica. He’d find a way, he’d do whatever he could to do so, if she asked. She wouldn’t, we know that, because she doesn’t want to repeat the mistakes she made with Narses with Ivar, but he would.

I do think he’d go off the deep end if she betrayed him. He’d do anything to keep her (and also a part of him would wish to punish her for daring to do that to him), and that would probably mean putting her in chains. Symbolic or otherwise. Which, for her, as we know, is a fate worse than death.

Granted, this all depends on which part of the story this happens on.

If it happens in Dublin (around Chapter 6), that she runs away, he simply brings her back to his side and puts the shackles back on her. It is of no consequence. He will show her this is ‘the will of the Gods’, and that she was sent to him by Freyja when they get to Kattegat, and everything will be alright. Or so he makes himself believe.

If it happens when she is ‘just’ the Greek witch Ivar brought to Kattegat, he forces her to marry him and stay with him against her will, and if the people whisper of how Ivar the Boneless had to shackle and cage a woman for her to marry him, he wouldn’t care. They already think him crazy, they already say and think so many things of him, what is one more, right?

If it happens when she has married him, and not only has he had this taste of what a life with her could be, but he has also shown the people of Kattegat (and his brothers) how he can have a woman that wants to be at his side, and how the woman so many want has chosen him; he’d still would want her at his side, if only to keep up appereances (and to let the part of him that can and would accept lies as truth keep pretending this is the life they will have, like in Unna:  “(...) when it’s the two of you and there’s warmth in your eyes even if there’s an edge in your smile, to sometimes forget the road that took you here.”) and he’d find a way, probably by threatening Freydis and Valdís and the people she loves, to keep her ‘chained’ to his side, this time figuratively.

If it happens after the progress and new beginnings of Chapter 31 and forwards, I don’t think Ivar would accept it, at first. He wouldn’t believe she would betray him, because believing that would be one of his worst fears when it comes to her coming true: that it was all a lie (going into this interaction in Chapter 30: “You’ve blinded me, and you know it. Did the same to that poor bastard you promised to marry. I won’t let you-…” He snarls back at you, eyes blazing and mouth curled too alike an animal baring its teeth. Even though he stops himself, you hear the words he doesn’t say: I won’t let you tell me one day that it was all a lie.). Whoever is the poor idiot that has to tell Ivar the Boneless the woman he loves (and that claims to love him, if you go past Chapter 35) has betrayed him, would definitely die. When he had to come to terms with it being true, that she betrayed him; his worst thoughts about how no one could love him, about how it was all a lie (I can’t help but think it a…a vision, a mirage, that once I get close enough to having will just…vanish), would have more foundation to stand on and...that can break a man. I’ll leave it at that.

I hope this answer was okay! Thank you so so much for reading, and for this lovely question! Sending you my love!! ❤️