#bc that's a recent revelation I've had

[tadpoles-and-daydreams]

Hey how many of y'all would be interested in like... A blog of mine that I started recently (without mentioning it here) that has some more personal, more "out there" UPG content. I could link it here, I'm just nervous that it'd get associated with me as a tarot reader and... Tarot is one thing, this is another, y'know? They're very different levels of "strange."

I'm gonna take any interaction with this as a "yes" bc I don't want to make anyone comment or anything and I hate reblog bait with a seething passion- plus, I'd rather this post not breach containment and get reblogged a bunch lol. I just want to gauge how well it were to go over if I were to like... Link the blog or reblog a post from it to let you all know that's also me.

It's not appropriative or fucked up or inappropriate okay guys plz don't freak out. I'm just quiet about it because it doesn't apply to most people and is ALL UPG. That's why I'm posting this.

[burningcomputerpersona]

the way spaces end up getting casually gendered is so weird. i normally try to get to my classes a bit early so i can choose where to sit and it's fascinating to watch how ppl will gravitate towards a certain spot depending on the gender of the ppl sitting nearby. by the time the lecture starts the classroom almost always has a visible distinction between the 'guys' section and the 'girls' section. and it happens individually too even when there's not a huge friend group clustering around the same place.

[incendiorum-arch]

thinking about the dreams ven gives io eventually progressing to more of a... actual future events kind of thing. instead of just reliving past almosts.

[a-forbidden-detective]

Curious add-ons: The Continuity, et al., for the Shibuya arc: Eps 14, 15 & 16

If I were the famous Scramble Crossing of Shibuya, I might scream first from a huge number of people crossing my streets and lastly, the mangaka’s choice of using it as a crime scene. It is also a coincidence that Junya Enoki’s characters have become part of it. First as Yuji Itadori from Jujutsu Kaisen then on RKDD as Toto Isshiki. No wonder Youhei Azakami and Enojun talked about Shibuya in their recent after-show talk.

Azakami: A lot of things happen in Shibuya.

Enojun: It seems that there are quite a few places where bad spirits gather around open objects. It's something like feng shui or anything like that.

Azakami: Shibuya is a relatively power spot, but from what I've heard, Shibuya is a bit lower compared to other cities (like Shinjuku).

The two rambled on the cities around Tokyo that contain more bad spirits and were relieved that only fictional stories happen around Shibuya. Enojun: “It only happens in fiction.” (I recommend listening to it bc of the duo’s goofiness. At the end of the radio show Enojun received his early birthday cake and greetings from Azakami-kun and the Kadokawa staff as it’d be his birthday last October 19th.)

I didn’t do the usual analysis per episode as it didn’t feel like it called for it. The animators stayed true with the manga most of the time.

The arc covered from Chapters 22 to 27 of the manga. Now that we have an idea how they divided them into into episodes, it highlighted the importance of Winter Moriarty in the upcoming episodes, who Enojun complimented as a "cute and amazing character."

So far the anime crew added a continuity intro for Ron on the 14th episode to refresh our memories highlighting the last scenes of the 13th ep from the first season. After Toto and Spitz have left Ron alone, he began to recollect what happened. We, the audience, in turn, had a good look at Ron’s apartment. Those vials in one of the shelves, could they be some fragrance oil??? Samples of blood? Then there are gemstones like the huge amethyst and the ammonite fossil that caught my eye. They have given us a glimpse of Ron’s own version of “cabinet of curiosities.” Like a true descendant of Sherlock Holmes, collecting things, which may or may not be useful in his profession-vocation, has also become a trait.

Retitling this as “Shibuya Apocalypse Serial Murder Case” instead of “The Case of Shibuya Revelation Serial Murder,” AA’s use of the Bible verse with the numbers 96 was well thought out just like the first time I read it. All those 96 references (the periodic table element iridium, Bach’s Miracle symphony) came into play.

It was almost one to one rendition except for scenes like the manga panel for Chapter 22 where they showed Toto’s “tired of all your shit” face.

Anime crew added Toto’s reaction to Ron’s blatant lying and Amamiya falling for it.

I don’t know how many times the anime crew has given us so many shots of Ron’s Sinatra blue eyes that tend to be so hypnotic. I would say, his scar too as anime Toto’s reaction to it comes stronger than in the manga. The way he bumbles when Ron has caught him looking at it is so cute.

What’s up with Deltard Hotel though? Or was it a typo error from Crunchyroll ?

Winter flipping their hair !!!! (The anime crew knows the fans’ Winter thirst! )

In order not to establish Winter’s “gender identity” this early on the anime crew successfully used words to mar it. Instead of designating Winter as a “male” like what AA did at first in the manga, Wataru Watari utilised the gender not specific/-neutral wording “agent” in describing Winter. Making a good spin on Spitz’s assumption that “Winter” could probably be a code name.

And once again the anime crew has added these scenes, before saying farewell to the Shibuya arc onto the next, we find Ron on his chair contemplating again of the events that happened in the last few days. Finally, struggling, trying to put the puzzles in their corresponding places before making his final conclusion of what Winter, the “agent,” meant for his own case. Parallelism it is. We started with this arc finding Ron on his chair ruminating, Episode 14, in order of importance: Ron’s chair/a bird’s eye view of the living room, his neck scar, his blue eyes.

And the scenes at the end of Episode 16.

[mezzy303]

Ok laddies time for this week's theory time (do I need to make a masterpost of my theories? This is getting a little ridiculous lol)

Spoilers for One Piece chapter 1115 spoilers under the cut

The way I jumped and threwwww my kindle (onto pillows) when Vegapunk confirmed all the Atlantis theories!!!!!!! I made the mistake of reading it right before bed and I was wide awake for like another two hours talking to a friend and just thinking about it 😅

I honestly was ready to scrap my theory from ch 1113 about there being whole continents 800 years ago before a great flood happened, and I'm still reeling on how it all turned out to be true besides the natural phenomenon part (here's my theory from ch 1114). And Oda once again proves how fucking genius he is bc I never expected 200 meters?????? Omg???? That's over 650ft for my fellow US folks. Here's an image going around Twitter from a YouTube video that shows what are own world would look like if sea levels rose 200m

Insanity

These recent chapters have had me really questioning the mechanics of the One Piece world lol. Tbh I think we all just assumed that the world was just Like That and mainly functioned to drive the plot forward. But there are actual reasons behind it?? With this revelation, I started thinking about how the sinking of land could have been intentional on the Allies' part, beyond the destruction of the Great Kingdom and erasing it from history. The way the world is now, with the Red Line going all the way around and the Calm Belts running perpendicular to it, it's incredibly hard to travel between the different Seas. The islands are also fairly isolated from each other, especially on the Grand Line. It makes it hard for information to travel around, and the only way to get world news is through a heavily vetted newspaper. To me, it all seems purposeful to further subjugate the world by physically dividing the people, making them easier to control and rule over.

I also want to reiterate how easy it would've been to erase the Great Kingdom from history and collective memory when the Allies/World Government had the capabilities of mass destruction that could cause sea levels to rise hundreds of meters. Not only does it make the original land inaccessible, the amount of people that died was probably immense. And with the death of a large number of people comes the loss of knowledge. Those that survived likely wouldn't have wanted to pass down information on the Great Kingdom from both the trauma of the event and the fear of retribution by the World Govt (I assume the laws forbidding research on the Void Century was immediate). So potentially after just one generation, knowledge on the Great Kingdom and how the world used to be would've disappeared. Iirc only the Minks and the Kozuki family passed down info on the kingdom's existence, and their lands are largely isolated from the rest of the world. (Speaking of which, they both are in locations where further rising sea levels wouldn't affect them)

Looking into it further, the way the geography of the world also seems like it's trying to prevent (or at least discourage) people from getting into or leaving the Grand Line and also travel between islands. Just trying to get to that sea is dangerous because it requires a person to either sail through Reverse Mountain, where many pirates canonically have died because of the crazy currents and storms and end up crashing into the mountain, or going through the Calm Belt, which is current and wind free and infested with Sea Kings. And once you're in the Grand Line, the waters itself are extremely difficult to navigate. Now what's in the Grand Line that the Allies may have wanted to prevent people from getting to? Laugh Tale.

For a little while now, I've been playing around with the idea on how the magnetic fields on each island may have been created to specifically help a pirate/sailor get to Laugh Tale. We've already seen Kidd using his awakened devil fruit powers to change the polarity of different objects, what if it's possible to change the polarity of an entire island? With those powers, a person could have created the seven paths of the Grand Line. I'm still trying to decide if this was done outside the Allies' control, or if it was an order from the Allies and the person was secretly loyal to the Great Kingdom.

And don't think I missed that little detail Vegapunk said about the Allies using ancient weapons!!!!!!! Literally each chapter has been teasing the reveal of the Elders having Uranus!!!! ｡゜(｀Д´)゜｡ It seems like the Lulusia attack really was just a taste of what their weapon can do. I can't imagine how big an attack (or how many attacks in succession?) it would take to cause 200m sea level change???

[lansplaining]

Protagonist-centric readers will do anything but admit that their MCs did lie and impact other characters' decisions. It's not the side-characters fault that they did not know the whole truth because *drum roll* they weren't told anything and/or was deliberately lied to.

LQQ being hated bc he impaled XL in a coffin for a long time but like... XL admitted to killing the King of Yong'an and committing the bloody massacre so what was LQQ supposed to do? Sit down and ask his Guoshi for the truth when we know damn well XL will just continue to admit to it? XL didn't want to tell LQQ the truth to protect LQQ and the two groups of people, and that's completely admirable, but what LQQ saw was his Guoshi stabbing a sword through his father's chest and admitting to everything so him reacting the way he did was completely valid. The single act of killing the king was treason 100x already, and as the son of the king, LQQ's reaction was not out of the ordinary. we don't want XL to suffer and be even more traumatized, but XL already knew that the consequences wouldn't be pretty and lied anyway. idk why fans can't grasp that.

Or for JC's case, HE IS LITERALLY THE ONE PERSON ALIVE IN THE ENTIRE WORLD WHO ACTUALLY DESERVES SOME KIND OF EXPLANATION FROM WWX HIMSELF, THE MAN WHO ACCIDENTALLY CAUSED WN TO KILL JXZ AND INDIRECTLY KILLED JYL DESPITE CLAIMING THAT HE HAD EVERYTHING UNDER CONTROL. These two aren't strangers to JC at all; they're his sister and his brother-in-law, or more importantly, his sister's beloved husband and father of his nephew. He deserves to be angry and bitter at the one person who did all that, and there is no time limit for how long he should remain bitter and angry about it. The GCT was a whole mess and they both made HUGE sacrifices out of love but the only one whose sacrifice is made invalid is JC because one, it was short-lived and two, they already didn't like JC so no matter what he does for WWX, it will be seen as something negative.

I don't even want to get into the hell-hole regarding LXC but... damn...

the revelations after a character found out the truth should be "oh man, so that's what really happened" not "this character was a dick because they didn't know about the major sacrifice the MC made for them that would only be revealed many years later, and it's not even voluntary because someone else told the truth, not the MC themself"

I'm not the first nor am I the last person to say this but a protagonist is just a character we see, mainly, from their POV or the character that we follow the story through. That's all there is to it. I feel like a lot of danmei readers have yet to read a variety of stories about an MC that's completely shit but serves to tell a story just as important and interesting.

okay, first of all-- people hate LQQ?? The sweetest, most violent himbo of all????????????? even Xie Lian doesn't hate him for what he did??????

i have nothing to say to such people

i'll be honest, it is really only relatively recently that i've fully come to realise how completely Jiang Cheng deserves an explanation or even just acknowledgement of any kind from Wei Wuxian, and how cowardly and selfish it is that Wei Wuxian refuses to give it. and I say this with a heart full of love for WWX-- he is dealing with Some Trauma (tm) but that doesn't mean his refusal to even speak to JC isn't hurtful and unfair, even if it's what he needs... but man everyone in fandom and fanworks is focused on WWX taking what he needs in this situation and not even remotely considering that just maybe he also justifiably owes something to someone he harmed and who he supposedly (formerly?) cared about (i think he still cares)

the lan xichen thing is literally inexplicable to me and i will never understand it

[runawaymun]

Hi Mun, I'm curious about something you mentioned in the Vance post. Totally all good if you don't have room on your plate to answer this.

You said the Mormon phrase “burning in the bosom” is an example of how high demand groups shut down rational questioning. Could you expound on that?

As someone who is/has been a part of that religion, I'm not sure I've seen it used to shut down questioning (though I've certainly seen it over extended from the original scripture passage it references, which was talking to a specific person about a specific thing). But I've definitely only heard a tiny slice of what people say and don't always pay much attention.

Anyway, super curious for a more outside (and clearly well-studied) perspective on it if you feel like sharing.

Hey! I don't mind at all bc tbh religion in general is a special interest so thanks for giving me an excuse to talk about it 😅

Take me with a grain of salt because I am NOT LDS or exmo, but the area I live is heavily LDS and I've had LDS friends and many, many discussions with the various missionaries who show up at my door (I've also attended a few meetings and had a discussion with a bishop out of pure curiosity). My information also comes from Alyssa Grenfell on YT who's a very vocal relatively young/recent exmo, and Dr. John Dehlin who is also exmo but much older and formally excommunicated since he won't stop talking about the church and interviewing other exmos haha. I like listening to what they have to say especially because they come from the traditional/"normal" (non-fundamentalist) background. Everybody finds it easy to understand that fundamentalist Mormonism is a high-demand cult, but it's harder at surface level to recognize how the modern LDS is also a high-demand religion, just in a different way, since on the outside they present as very harmless "good Christian values" etc. etc.

Regarding "the burning in the bosom", what I'm really getting at is the matter of testimony. Your personal testimony is paramount within the LDS church, and it's based on feelings and personal revelation, which essentially means that you are constantly self-indoctrinating. Dr. John Dehlin was talking about this a lot on a recent podcast -- the problem with this, is that there is no litmus test as to whether or not the burning in your bosom is just your personal feelings, or if it's Heavenly Father, so a) everything becomes confirmation (pattern recognition), and b) it makes LDS people especially vulnerable to radicalization, since personal revelation can come to anyone at any time, and again there is no litmus test for whether or not these feelings or 'revelations' are true.

This becomes especially problematic when trying to reason and point out holes or inconsistencies. When a member of the LDS church experiences cognitive dissonance, they immediately fall back on (and are heavily encouraged to fall back on) their Testimony. That 'burning in the bosom', the 'feelings', as their litmus test of 'this is real and I know it to be true, even if the facts don't concur'. I've experienced this while talking to missionaries, and this is also something that I've heard discussed over and over by people like Alyssa Grenfell and Dr. John Dehlin (and the many people he interviews!). I've also heard that questioning people are often pressured into bearing testimony in order to publicly reaffirm their faith, or to create a hostile environment where if they aren't willing to bear testimony, then everyone assumes something is Wrong -- though I assume that varies from ward to ward.

If you're at all interested in how mainstream LDS falls into the high-demand religion/cult catagory, I cannot recommend Dr. Dehlin and Alyssa enough. Alyssa's information is very personalized to her, but Dr. Dehlin interviews pretty much everybody across the board that he can get to come in for a podcast (and also invites a LOT of very knowledgeable guests). I still find Alyssa's story extremely valuable though, because it's so recent. Can't recommend their work enough!

[this-is-krikkit]

Hello Kit

I am here for the fanfiction tropes rating game with: only one bed - arranged marriage - A/B/O - found family (feel free to skip one or more of those if it is too much, I got a bit carried away!)

And if it is ok for you, let's add: what is your favourite trope to read? What is your favourite trope to write?

Thank you 🩷

hey Kiyoshi! long time no see, i hope you're doing well ♥️ thank you for playing the trope rating game with me, these were fun! and nice idea to make me think of my fave tropes, that took me a second...

only one bed

rating: immediately A - love it (spend my time combing AO3 for it)

explanation: do i need to give you one??? i just. it's so yummy. it can be fluffy or smutty or angsty or all of the above, and ain't that the fucking goat for your otp? i just. YES. GIVE ME ALL THE ONLY ONE BED TROPE ALWAYS.

arranged marriage

rating: i guess B - like it (not one of my bigger cravings, but it can scratch a certain itch if I’m in the right mood)

explanation: i would have rated this one A if it wasn't unfortunately, in my experience, often lathered with problematic behaviors and depictions of male characters in particular (but not only as i've seen cringey takes on this for wlw ships too). i'm not targetting a specific ship or fandom for this, but there is a tendency in those AUs to have a power imbalance between the two characters that i find icky, esp in like royalty AUs. but i absolutely love this trope when it's both A and B being completely lost and unwilling participants in this but having to suck it up and deal with it, especially if there's an enemies to lovers vibe under there too. also.... arranged marriage and only one bed often go hand in hand, amirite?? 👀👀

A/B/O - omegaverse

rating: C - neutral (a good author might be able to sell it, but a bad one will kill it deader than dead)

explanation: sooo not neutral actually, but the definition still fits because i either hate it or love it. i've said it before, but i used to not even take anything that had to do with omegaverse into consideration. it just wasn't my thing, and i mean, i've just mentioned how much i dislike power imbalances in relationships so YEAH. the thing is, recently, i've discovered that there's more to this trope than dubious (or straight up nonexistent, which, ew) consent and heteronormative views of queer relationships, and that it's got a GUH-REAT potential for angst and interesting dynamics in a relationship. some of my favorite fics i've read recently have come with the tag "non-traditional ABO dynamics" and although i have to be veeeeeery careful and veeeeery picky when venturing into that part of any fandom (also, still not a fan of the smut aspect to it personally, tho i don't mind it either), it's a fascinating new world of possibilities to me. i may be writing something with that very trope for one of my snk ships, too. ijs.

found family

rating: A - love it (spend my time combing AO3 for it)

explanation: you know what, it's not only a trope i enjoy in fanfic, it's something i actively look for in canon material!! from team machine on poi and the swan mills family on once upon a time to the survey scouts in snk and the ada in bsd i just yesssss give me a blorbo with a dark past and/or a dysfunctional family only to Heal them through the chosen family they make for themselves. i CRAVE it!!!

fave trope to read

UNRELIABLE NARRATOR which is incredibly hard to explain as it can mean so many different things, but i'll sum it up to one aspect: i loveeee being surprised when reading fics, especially when it's done in a smart way. give me plot twists, give me unexpected revelations, give me narrators who lie to the reader (but for believable and interesting reasons that make sense, not just bc "huhu they're mean and cunning" as that's boring imo). i've written a few myself and have a bunch of wip/ideas for more, but i don't think mine are that well executed tbh.

fave trope to write

angst with a happy ending/fix it fics! because well!! i've been through canon blorbo deaths one too many times, and i need those to heal my lil heart. it's usually my reason behind starting to post fics for a fandom in fact: i disagree with canon and wanna fix it, so i come up with smth that's canon-compliant up to the point i think is bs, and then either rewrite that or try and heal my blorbos through it. that's right, my main motivation to write fanfiction is... spite. WHO'S SURPRISED? not me.

dividers by saradika-graphics

[dilutedconfusion]

okay listen so i've been thinking heavily on the yandere trope recently. but like with Kid as the yandere. and whenever i see yandere!Kid i feel like he's always the more sadistic version of yanderes.

basically used this post (hoping the link works for you🙏🙏) to look at the dif types bc i dont know all that😭 but i feel like he is always sadistic/possessive in fics. obvi all yandere!aus are gonna be at least a little ooc bc its a divergence of canon characteristics but hear me out girl...

delusional and overprotective yandere!Kid... like girl. or like basically a kinda soft yandere!Kid. but like still horrible and awful not GREAT at emotions. like he will still get mad and yell but otherwise? is strangely kind to you? (w you not really realizing any subtle manipulation tactics that him or Killer might be using cuz Killer is loyal asf to Kid🤞)

like being kidnapped by the Kid pirates, the worst of the worst generation, said to be cruel and sadistic. that's already bad, and you're terrified for your life. essentially having a meltdown because you had no idea what was going to happen to you, but you had a guess. you meet Kid and prepare to be tortured/killed. then he's like??? weirdly nice to you? like yeah he's gruff and kinda bitchy but that is a thousand times better than being killed.

thats as far as the thoughts go but see my vision?? figured you would appreciate the Kid thoughts🙏

OKAY OKAY I love this SOOO MUCH. Like I don’t think I can explain how much I love this but you SLAYED. GIVING ME LINKS AND DETAILED DESCRIPTIONS AND SHIZ 🤭💞 Okay so to get right to the point I will be of course writing a chapter on this (or maybe multiple on this because that’s how good of an idea it is pookie). BUT I don’t know when I’ll be able to churn out a full chapter. I mean probably soon but I sorta just want to get a better grasp of exactly the kind of character you want Kid to be before I start writing. So here’s a little traits list?? that I cooked up the minute I read over this just to get my creative juices flowing. Let me know if Im headed in the right direction and if there is any changes or additions you’d like to see. Other than that I’ll write up the chapter, tag and credit the hell out of you, and we can revel in softyandere!Kid together 🥰

Traits

Thinks that kidnapping you was the best choice for your life. That you will be the safest and happiest with him (even if you’re kidnapped and being held against your will)

Often uses manipulation tactics like love bombing, balant lying to keep you in the dark, and triangulation with Killer

Not only believes that everyone else in the world is a hazard to you (including most of his crew members) but you’re a hazard to yourself so he doesn’t allow you privacy??? This could be taken to the point where he feels like he needs to be in the same room with you at all times. Eyes on you whenever physically possible. Which is sorta intense so just let me know if that is too much for you (cause I could make it really gross or more mild lol)

Will do even the simplest task for you, not because he wants to do it to help, but because he doesn’t believe you can take care of yourself or MOREOVER he should be the only to take care of you because he is just that great. Which of course he will hang over y/n’s head in arguments and be like “BUT LOOK AT HOW MUCH I DO FOR YOU😡” type shit.

If you do constantly try to pull away from him he’ll think you’re just shy or playing hard to get and will therefore push your boundaries harder. But if you actually PHYSICALLY harm him or try to PERMANENTLY leave he’d rather tie you down until you apologize and say you weren’t in your right mind when you did that then listen to your plea seriously (HES SO DELULU) The punishment for this could also involve taking away material items or aspects of freedom because like you said he's not sadistic so he would never hurt you.

To put it simply y/n would feel like this “I like you Kid but I don’t like who you become when you're with me” WHICH WOULD CAUSE SOME SERIOUS TURBULENCE IN THEIR RELATIONSHIP AND SOME SWEET ANGST EVEN.

I would write more but I don’t want to give TO MUCH away plot wise. Sooo hopefully this gives you a good idea on how I’m thinking of portraying Kid. If you have any other questions of course ask me!! Any little tid bits will be much appreciated and thank you so much for requesting something from me Emma 🫶

[papasbaseball]

15, 17, 24 🩷

Thank you for the ask, Roach💗💗💗

15. 5 most influential books over my life time

La Symphonie Pastorale by André Gide: An absolutely wild ride from start to finish, but I think it definitely laid foundational groundwork for me writing about fucking religious authority figures about 6 years later. Crazy that I read it for actual college credit.

Dracula by Bram Stoker: Another Epistolary novel. I re-read it every October and my favorite scene is when the Count forces Mina to drink Johnathan's blood. Peak 19th century subtle eroticism.

The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald: I will forever be chasing the musicality that he managed to capture with every single sentence. Poetic language is a big deal to me.

The Phantom of the Opera by Gaston Leroux: Quite literally saved my life. I grew up in an abusive household so from the ages of 10-17 the Phantom became a comfort figure. I used to pretend that he would be watching over me and I read my copy of the novel so much that the pages started falling out.

The Bible: Not in a fun way, but I can't deny that being raised in a fundamentalist household has proven useful later in making religious references and having a leg up in analyzing art and writing for those references. I do think the book of Esther and Revelations is sexy af tho.

17. Would you say Tumblr is a fair representation of the real you?

I used to be a Tumblr native. I left back in 2017 and only recently came back. Part of me feels a little alien in the environment. I don't always feel like I'm doing everything right and tend to hold back on expressing my true self bc I'm afraid that I'm doing it wrong and I'm too weird. I think the real me is not necessarily cut out for the 2020s internet. I often wish I could relive 2013-2015.

24. Have you ever felt like you had a mind-meld with a person?

A few times in my life. I'm pretty reserved for being an ENTP but I can be quite outgoing if I do find my right crowd. I've been making more of an effort lately to make friends. My life experiences and neurodivergency make it difficult to really understand most people, but I've been really working to overcome those and try to "fit in". It's difficult, but it's worth it.

[capriciouscaprine]

good morning! food bloggin tiem!

I've gotten a LOT done on my paper so far so I'm proud of that, but my fear is cutting it all back out again due to length, plus I really need 5-10 more references from 2019 or sooner and so far both papers I've referenced do not fit that

how am I supposed to stay under 45 pages double spaced when I also have to have 25 recent references in my lit review AND have a comprehensive analysis of my intervention and its effects on my students??? (then again, I am the type of person who doesn't understand how people can fit journaling into their morning routines bc I'll fill PAGES once I start writing)

I had my yogurt bowl and coffee for first breakfast (~200) and then homemade waffles from my mom that I had in my freezer for second breakfast ~4 hours later (proud of waiting that long, too!); had a coffee with a single serving of caramel cold cream from a spray bottle on top, and wow is 10 grams of that not a lot; I had to add an extra splash of milk to actually enjoy my coffee after all; waffles (two squares from one of those four square waffle makers, with margarine and sugar free syrup) and coffee all together were ~300, and I ended up not finishing them bc I was full!! (not gonna subtract any tho ;) )

which, while I feel full, it's like my need for taste sensation isn't satisfied yet? I'm going to have water with mio 0 c sweet tea flavoring added, which I've been trying and seems to work well; I guess I'm going to become a flavored water person??

my meal entertainment today has been annika's leaf vlogs, which are the perfect blend of aesthetic and realistic; yes, her breakfast is instagrammable and her gym sets match, but she still has to clean up crumbs and there are random vegetables smashed into the mats she has to avoid?? I mention her here bc I had a mini revelation: she went with a friend and got fancy 'coffee' (barely) drinks and cake from a cute cafe, had SOME of her drink while there, and then TOOK THE CAKE HOME FOR LATER

she didn't even try it at the cafe; she featured it next to her drink at the cafe in the vlog, and that was it! maybe this seems obvious to everyone else, but it never occurred to me that while yes, I can get the fancy cake from the cafe an hour from my house while I'm there with a friend, I don't have to eat it right then and there!!! sometimes I'd get nauseous feeling like I HAD to try and eat what I ordered wherever we were even tho I wasn't really hungry, and I didn't even realize this was an option!!

I feel like this is a holdover from being a kid; you HAD to get whatever it was right then and there with your mom/aunt/whoever bc who knew when you'd get to go back, but then my family at least would judge you for being wasteful if you didn't finish it NOW; I feel like this might be different for someone with a different family or regional culture, but food as a souvenir really was not a thing in my family, and now I'm understanding how that may have impacted my long term relationship with food: order everything you like the taste of NOW, bc you might NEVER get to have it again, and if you don't finish it before you leave that's WASTEFUL (and yes, we were a 'clean plate club' household, how did you guess? lmao)

I don't think I'll be able to address this aspect of my relationship with food until I've sorted out my finances (aka gotten a better paying job) and have more free time to go to these fun food places regularly and prove to myself that yes I can go back whenever I want so there's no need to gorge myself right now immediately

ugh, I wanna finish this paper but I don't want to go back to working on it ;_; ;_; ;_; I guess I could load the dishwasher at least??

[aintitfierce]

since it is The Month, i'm going to say i have no clue what to call vanya's gender

i created him somewhat on a whim for the fic, and his personality kinda came together as i was writing (especially after i decided to describe him introducing himself with a flourish as the 'very pretty Vanya creature' and immediately breaking down into tears and 'demanding their listening ears' ghfhieo). i tend to go with nonbinary just bc it's Easy and seems to encompass a wide range of Experiences, as most labels do `~`;

in the future i may try the multiple pronouns thing for him, or just switch to they/them or it/its for him once my silly brain can get past the ??? of reading and writing it, at least in descriptive prose. it/its is a pronoun set i feel especially positive feelings toward, and i can't really put my finger on why

that all said, i do feel he probably falls somewhere on the aroace spectrum, despite his feelings otherwise. it's hard for me to imagine him finding someone genuinely attractive in any way outside of being very indulgent and fawning with him, and that affection can be quite fickle if he's not in the mood for it or gleans any sense of sarcasm or other artifice

(he will squeeze as much adulation as he can out of someone he quite sincerely liked just moments ago until he realized they're just buttering him up for Something. and then ultimately say No when they inevitably ask him for their favor. tho to be fair, it's still relatively easy to trick him with flattery. u probably just have to play the long game)

reading back through this in preparation to ramble maybe a little on myself, i realize i basically just made vanya Me

i've used the asexual label since i was a sex-repulsed teenager, but only considered myself aromantic kind of recently, since i wasn't aware that was A Thing back then. i'm no longer sex-repulsed, but some of it still Lingers, i think, in my aversion to things like kissing and other oral Stuff

in recent years i've wobbled a little on the acearo thing if only bc i had the big revelation that if i think about being in a relationship with someone who's Not A (Cis) Man, it didn't sound so immediately Not For Me. but in the end, atm i just don't really have the interest in getting a relationship to puzzle it out one way or the other. these days i consider myself much more firmly aromantic than i do asexual. i need some time living all alone before i'm ready to jump back into the constant compromise-and-share game

i've been leaning towards nonbinary for a long time but never told anyone. the extent of my embracing of that identity has been Sometimes clicking 'do not wish to disclose' for gender on medical paperwork, even if they have a nonbinary option ;; i'm still tiptoeing into that one. also the fact that i still enthusiastically wish to present in 'feminine' ways tends to give me some pause as well

[azelle-intermisson]

woo last month's topster

the persona 4 soundtrack is one of my favorite video game osts rn. all of the vocal tracks are really amazing your affection is sooo fucking good i listen to it literally all the time.

i've always kinda been into charli xcx but i had never listened to a full album other than crash when it came out until recently. sucker is really fun i really like body of my own and boom clap a lot. how i'm feeling right now is good too, a lot of the songs remind me of something sophie would make even though she isn't on the album to my knowledge. my favs are visions, pink diamond and c2.0

i've been listening to the town inside me a lot bc i've been getting back into guilty gear and bridget is one of my mains + pride month and bridget is trans. also i had a major revelation about my gender this month while listening to this song and in general i've been thinking a lot about my gender recently. i kinda want to talk more about it but i feel really dumb when i try to explain it

also i listened to a ton of music on youtube last month and since i use last.fm to make these my youtube stuff doesn't show up so i might post some of it later :3

[matrixwhore]

.

k…so…hmm i don’t know if i’ll leave this up. im truly in a moment where i just wanna be lowkey. i don’t exactly want to be perceived too much rn. but this pride is really important to me. and i don’t really even know if this is worth anyone’s time, but i feel like i should say something...if only just to be able to look back and see that i did celebrate in my own way.

i don’t think i’ve had a pride where i’ve experienced it the way i would have liked, tho this is the year where i really feel whats at the heart of it the most. im queer and genderfluid/nonbinary. not just in how i love, but also how i live. i’ve had some recent revelations about all that that’s been really exciting, but a lot of figuring myself out happened in the midst of a great deal of crisis so there hasn’t been very much, joy or celebration these past few years. last year in particular was so hard i experience such a severe period of anhedonia and apathy i didn’t think i’d see the other side of it. iwtv was the first thing i was able to fully enjoy, and feel the enjoyment, and then coming on here and meeting so many amazing lgbtq+ people (espc. my black mutuals) has been mind altering. not even an exaggeration! talking and sharing ideas and laughing and just enjoying you guys has shifted my life experience in ways i wish you knew. i wish words could express it, but i don't think they really can. so i guess this is a thank you to my gay vampire show family as it is a very real celebration that i chose to watch it and that i'm still here.

there used to be a goal post for not being here. and wanting to see S2 shifted that. and then immersing myself within this fandom experience gave me reasons to push it further. and then suddenly i was being inspired to do things for me that i had given up on just bc connections i've made. and now i dont even know where that goal post is. it used to be so clear and in sight. i was almost a statistic in the worst way. one of the most effective way to erase us is by making us take ourselves out of life so they can say it was us all along. something was wrong within is. but nothing is wrong with all the beautifully complex and chaotic ways i exist. something is wrong with a society that doesn't want me in it when the world clearly does. when it keeps giving me reasons to keep going and keep fighting despite the opposition. even if i took myself out, i couldn't be erased anyways bc i’m so loved. as i am. im loved. and i love and that’s really untouchable. on the other side of not being able to feel, and not being able to care. im reminded im loved. and i feel it now. and i care so much about it that its given me fight. its given me the stubbornness and spite required to live in all this.

i think a lot about this.

[image description: a poem by Lucille Clifton titled - won’t you celebrate with me.

won’t you celebrate with me

what i have shaped into

a kind of life? i had no model

born in babylon

both nonwhite and woman

what did i see to be except myself?

i made it up

here on this bridge between

starshine and clay,

my one hand holding tight

my other hand; come celebrate

with me that everyday

something has tried to kill me

and has failed.

end image description]

i know theres a lot of pain. and grief and uncertainty that exists throughout this fandom. i know there’s a lot people are experiencing that they aren't sharing or getting into. if my life is anything to go by i know that suffering in this life can sometimes be so egregious you question what it’s all for. i question that a lot. even now. and i don't have an answer really. I don't think it’s my place to answer that for others anyways. but i’m celebrating you guys bc you’ve helped me feel. and care. and i attribute so much of the joys i’ve had these past several months to getting to experience you all. you were here when i came searching for something to connect to. even if i didn’t realize that’s what i was doing at the time. we’re here together now. and you may not know it or feel it. but just you being here ripples and reaches. so i really hope you’ll celebrate with me. they didn't kill us. and the ones that have passed live on in the ways we still love them. still grieve them. and honor them in everything we do. our lives are written in pen and permanent marker all over the world. they’ll tear off the flesh of their fingers, raw and bloody, before they ever succeed in wiping us away. we’re rooted in the core. the earth remembers us and keeps bringing us back. bc we belong here. happy pride.

[bikananjarrus]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

finally getting around to this, thank you @astromechs for the tag!!

::

1. How many works do you have on ao3?

29

2. What’s your total ao3 word count?

327,391

3. What fandoms do you write for?

mainly star wars and marvel! though i don't write marvel as much anymore (the mcu really burned me too many times lol and just took away a lot of my inspiration/motivation to write for it). so mostly star wars nowadays, but occasionally i will sprinkle in a fic for a different fandom!

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

a. we find ourselves when we lose everything else - 519 kudos

b. our time in the dark - 518 kudos

c. risk everything we have (and just let our walls cave in) - 426 kudos

d. if loves elastic (then were we born to test it’s reach) - 391 kudos

e. revelations (come to us in recovery) - 388 kudos

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

no 🙈. weirdly enough, i was a lot better about responding years ago on my ff. net account. but i don't really do it on ao3, honestly because i'm just a little lazy about it lol. but i promise i read every single one and know that if you've ever left a comment, i appreciate it so so much!!

6. What’s the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

probably broken things. it's a romanogers soulmate last words au which ended in a major character death. but you know. last words au, death. it made sense haha.

i've also written a couple canon-compliant character study type fics, including one for natasha romanoff, one for cassian andor/rogue one crew, some for leia organa (post-tfa), and well, none of those end very happily sooooo.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

uhhhhhhh why was this so hard asdffglkhglj. i write a lot of agnst and hurt/comfort lol. but my fic, the weight of your love, is just pure kanera fluff. and these two kanera fics that i've posted on tumblr (but not on ao3 yet), are just silly and fun and fluffy.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

not really, thankfully. i mean, i've gotten some not-so-nice comments in the past (again, mainly on ff.net) but i've never gotten anything super aggressive or confrontational, so i'm grateful to be in nice corners of fandom!

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

occasionally yes. typically i insert my smut scenes into longer fics though. (i do have a bunch of unpublished half-written smut fics that i haven't gotten the courage to finish and post yet, bc i'm not always the most confident in my smut writing but maybe one day!)

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

not really. i'm not even the best at coming up with AUs, much less crossovers lol. i think the closest i've gotten to a crossover is an agents of shield/mcu crossover, which shouldn't even BE a crossover, but considering that the mcu never acknowledged AoS, it kinda feels like it is. anyway, wrote a fic where daisy johnson and bucky barnes are bffs, and i'm quite fond of it!

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

yeah :/ i had somebody take one of my fics and (related to next question) translate it and put it on wattpad. i couldn't message the author and my attempts to contact wattpad got me nowhere so i kinda just let it go.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

looking at last question, technically yes. but other than that, not yet! i would be very honored if someone wanted to translate one of my fics though, and would have absolutely no problem with it! (so long as they asked and didn't steal it asdkfsjd)

13. Have you ever cowritten a fic before?

only bits and pieces of shared aus with friends for fun, but haven’t published anything.

14. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

kanera and romanogers, hands down. kanan and hera are more recent, but i fell in love with both their characters and them as a couple so fast, and i absolutely love writing for them. they're going to stick with me forever. and steve and natasha.... my loves. fell in love with them when i saw catws the first time and haven't looked back. they've stuck with me the longest, i think. and even though i don't write marvel as much anymore, i still think about them a lot, and there's a lot of stevenat wips i have that i still hope to finish one day.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

whew ummmmm. there's a couple of romanogers fics (specifically finishing our time in the dark and the follow-up to revelations which is an endgame fix-it) that i have told myself i will finish. and i want to! but it will really take a major push to get me back into the headspace to write for marvel again. genuinely, endgame drained so much of the love and inspiration i had so 😔 i hope i can prove myself wrong one day!

i also have ambitions to do a star wars sequels rewrite, but it feels so big lol, so idk if i'll ever actually get around to finishing it. but the bits i have written for it i have so much love for.

16. What are your writing strengths?

digging deep into character emotions and their headspaces. that's something i really like exploring. also i think i'm pretty good about including small details, particularly with using the different senses and using those to help set the scene, and whatnot. in short, description and emotion are my strong suits!

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

humor. i think i can be funny sometimes in my writing, but i definitely don't think i'm as good at humor as other people. and especially funny dialogue and banter, that's something i feel like i have to think about more. so still working on that!

i also don't know if this is a true weakness, but i literally don't know when to stop writing asdfljgldkj. i feel like lately it's so hard for me to write short fics (unless i do it in a mad burst in one sitting). but if i'm thinking a lot about a fic, chances are it's going to be 5k MINIMUM.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

i'm not real comfortable with it, especially if i don't speak the language. if it's a very short phrase or a singular word, i will try to use a translator and other online investigating (and then nicely ask people to correct me in the comments if i'm wrong lol). but if i want to have the character speaking full sentences i will usually type it out in english and then use "they said in [insert language here]" as the tagline.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

if we're going wayyy back, technically the first fic i wrote was a bones fic when i was in middleschool lmao. i wrote it in a notebook, never published it online. but i first posted fics online in high school (as a freshman i think), and i think the first fics i published were for percy jackson and supernatural lol.

20. Favorite fic you’ve ever written?

probably revelations. looking at it now, there are certainly things i would change about this one, but i wrote it on and off for 3 years, so i was just really proud when i finally finished it. and there are still a lot of character moments i wrote into this one that i still love.

also you are my solid ground. plot does not really exist in this fic, but i had the best time writing the steve/nat/sam dynamic. literally dream trio.

(real talk, some of my fave fics are ones that i haven't finished yet/haven't published yet. i think my newest favorite fic is the kanan character study one i'm working on now. i still have a little bit to go, but i'm really close to finishing it, and i'm just so proud of it. there's so much about it that i love and i can't wait to share it (hopefully by the end of the year!)).

::

no pressure tagging: @effie-trinket and anyone else who would like to participate!

[queen-scribbles]

to no one's surprise i'm here to talk about tlbt LMAO but i really do enjoy it!!! xaeryn is an engaging and clever narrator and it is not an exaggeration to say i was losing it over the way you've upped the stakes in the most recent chapter, both with the cliffhanger and with briony's revelations. i adore how you've reinterpreted canon elements as well as incorporating magic into the 20's setting! also the way you write red & the circle crew is incredibly charming and i love seeing new chapters appear on my dash -em <3

Thank you sm Em!!

I love Xaeryn bc she's a bit more... formal and stiff and forthright, a little more serious, than my typical MC in games like this. She does have a warmer/softer side, there's just only a few people Red who can bring it to the forefront, and it makes her such an interesting POV to write for something like this. All the things in canon I've written her have been with Red, so it's really shown more of her more relaxed side. Having her interact with a bunch of different characters in this lets her show of more of who she is and I love it. Poor Shery and her crush tho

It's so fun playing with ways to bring in canon elements and make them fit with a 20's setting. Figuring out which of the cast would lean more heavily into slang, how they'd dress, oh I can nod to Chandry here and put Red's warhammer in the museum since he's not actually using it, and here's a nod to the Equalizers in the Blade/Trouble/Trick/Wen cameo, and here's a way to work in the Faceless Lords when my protag isn't. um. what she is in canon, let's say. (there's at least one, possibly 2-3 more coming >:3)

I've been plotting out/sitting on Briony's revelations for a while now, and I was so excited to finally get to cover that in this chapter. It was supposed to be in the last chapter, before I realized how LONG it would have made what was already a beast of a chapter. And if I'd put that in there things would have gone a different direction and Ryn/Red might not have gotten their Moment while he was patching up her hand. Since I'd been sitting on that scene since I started writing this AU, OBVIOUSLY it had to happen. xD So Briony and Darius got shifted back a chapter and got to have their 4k word conversation/info dump without me wincing too much about the length.

And yeah. That cliffhanger. *cough* I'm equal parts sorry and cackling like a banshee for that. It has pretty much always been the plan. Gotta up those stakes for Ryn, in a couple different ways. I have PLANS for how that's gonna resolve and it's going to be so much fun to write.

I love the whole Circle crew dynamic and the camaraderie and teasing and matchmaking and everything, it's a joy to write. I'm definitely going to write at least Pan and Neon's visit during the gala as a side vignette at some point(Pan POV, I can just tell he'll be fun as a narrator xD), and there's a couple things I'd love to do Red's POV on for this bc he was having Emotions.