#also i. uh. rambled a lot on me too orz sorry

[aintitfierce]

since it is The Month, i'm going to say i have no clue what to call vanya's gender

i created him somewhat on a whim for the fic, and his personality kinda came together as i was writing (especially after i decided to describe him introducing himself with a flourish as the 'very pretty Vanya creature' and immediately breaking down into tears and 'demanding their listening ears' ghfhieo). i tend to go with nonbinary just bc it's Easy and seems to encompass a wide range of Experiences, as most labels do `~`;

in the future i may try the multiple pronouns thing for him, or just switch to they/them or it/its for him once my silly brain can get past the ??? of reading and writing it, at least in descriptive prose. it/its is a pronoun set i feel especially positive feelings toward, and i can't really put my finger on why

that all said, i do feel he probably falls somewhere on the aroace spectrum, despite his feelings otherwise. it's hard for me to imagine him finding someone genuinely attractive in any way outside of being very indulgent and fawning with him, and that affection can be quite fickle if he's not in the mood for it or gleans any sense of sarcasm or other artifice

(he will squeeze as much adulation as he can out of someone he quite sincerely liked just moments ago until he realized they're just buttering him up for Something. and then ultimately say No when they inevitably ask him for their favor. tho to be fair, it's still relatively easy to trick him with flattery. u probably just have to play the long game)

reading back through this in preparation to ramble maybe a little on myself, i realize i basically just made vanya Me

i've used the asexual label since i was a sex-repulsed teenager, but only considered myself aromantic kind of recently, since i wasn't aware that was A Thing back then. i'm no longer sex-repulsed, but some of it still Lingers, i think, in my aversion to things like kissing and other oral Stuff

in recent years i've wobbled a little on the acearo thing if only bc i had the big revelation that if i think about being in a relationship with someone who's Not A (Cis) Man, it didn't sound so immediately Not For Me. but in the end, atm i just don't really have the interest in getting a relationship to puzzle it out one way or the other. these days i consider myself much more firmly aromantic than i do asexual. i need some time living all alone before i'm ready to jump back into the constant compromise-and-share game

i've been leaning towards nonbinary for a long time but never told anyone. the extent of my embracing of that identity has been Sometimes clicking 'do not wish to disclose' for gender on medical paperwork, even if they have a nonbinary option ;; i'm still tiptoeing into that one. also the fact that i still enthusiastically wish to present in 'feminine' ways tends to give me some pause as well

[tortranslates]

UNDEAD Climax Event: Split Paths - The Admired Figure and Flashbacks: Hakaze Kaoru Mini-talks

Pre-TL Note: I'm so sorry this took so long to post! I had it done back in November and just...kept forgetting to post it orz. Since it's been so long, I also no longer have my screenshots of the mini-talks, and I don't feel like going back and getting new screenshots, so there aren't any in this post. Adonist and Koga will have screenshots in theirs (sorry, Kaoru). With that out of the way, enjoy the mini-talks! They're very sweet.

Mini-talk 1 (The Privilege of Being Good at Conversation):

Kaoru: Fufu, what a coincidence that we met here. The job I had this morning was harder than I thought it would be, so I was in the mood for relaxing. It was just a talk show, but the host had me talk more than I expected. I was pretty much just rambling…

→That’s what I’d expect from you.

Kaoru: Well, I think they had me do the talking since they like what I have to say. The audience enjoyed it too, so I’m probably going to get more offers for talk show appearances…

→Have a cough drop.

Kaoru: A honey cough drop, huh? Thanks. …Fufu, it’s tasty. This bittersweetness is perfect for when you wanna take a load off after work.

→Are you alright?

Kaoru: Fufu, I’m okay. I’m just a little tired. I don’t mind talking, plus it makes me happy when people get excited from what I say.

Mini-talk 2 (The Privilege of Being Good at Conversation):

Kaoru: Hm? “After talking so much, isn’t it troublesome to talk to me?” Ahaha, chatting with you is never a burden. If anything, it’s cheering me up.

→Is that okay?

Kaoru: Ahaha. What sort of question is that? I’m not lying to you, you know? Isn’t it fun and energizing for you too when you talk with a friend or someone you can let your guard down around? That’s how I feel…

→It’s cheering me up too.

Kaoru: Ahaha, thanks. I’m happy to hear that. Until just recently, I often felt charmed by things like that [1]..I wonder what sort of change of heart this is?

→I-is that so…

Kaoru: Going by that response…Don’t tell me you think I’m just flattering you? Come on, I wouldn’t lie to you. Can’t you trust me?

Mini-talk 3 (The Privilege of Being Good at Conversation):

Kaoru: …Oh, our glasses are empty. Since I still have some time until my next job, I think I’ll order another drink. What about you, Producer-chan? Are you going to have seconds? I’ll treat you as thanks for helping me relax with a nice chat.

→I’ll take you up on that…

Kaoru: Yep yep, it’s fine for you to rely on me as much as you want. Of course, I don’t just mean for today; when work is troubling you or something, you can always come to me.

→I should get going…

Kaoru: Really? That sucks, but it is what it is, I guess. Let me show you my gratitude in a different way next time. Good luck on your next job, okay?

→I still have some left over, so I’m alright.

Kaoru: Ahaha, really? I didn’t take a close enough look at your glass. Sorry about that. There’s no rush, so take your time, alright?

Mini-talk 4 (Nostalgic Photos):

Kaoru: Ah, Producer-chan. Take a look at this picture! I was just with Moricchi and he gave me this old photo. …Uh-huh, it’s from the Year End Party UNDEAD did with Ryuseitai [2].

→It was a lot of fun, huh.

Kaoru: Yeah, it was. It was a rare opportunity for our two units to eat at a restaurant like that, but it was nice. It would be nice if we could have another opportunity like that; maybe I should ask Rei-kun about it?

→You filmed a music video too, right?

Kaoru: Yep. I remember I was in super high spirits since you were watching. You gave me a perfect score. I’m supposed to have grown up since then, but I still have to do my best from now on so that you’ll praise me.

→That takes me back.

Kaoru: Then, do you remember us talking outside the restaurant? Ahaha. For better or worse, you can’t forget it…huh. For me, it’s a memory I just can’t forget.

Mini-talk 5 (Nostalgic Photos):

Kaoru: Now that I’m looking back on it, I did a ton of things at Yumenosaki, huh. I can’t believe I wasn’t taking my idol work seriously in the beginning. I never would’ve thought I’d be able to make memories like this with everyone.

→It’s a good thing, huh.

Kaoru: A good thing…yeah, you’re right. I think that if I’d never joined UNDEAD, I’d be leading a completely different life right now. It’s thanks to meeting everyone that I’m able to live like this.

→You never know what’s going to happen, huh.

Kaoru: That’s true. People really can’t predict things like that. I never would’ve thought I’d be able to talk with you like this one day either.

→You meet a lot of good people, huh [3].

Kaoru: There are people you mesh well with and people you don’t…that sort of thing, huh? Even now it feels a little weird to think things like this but…I think I’m glad that I joined UNDEAD.

Mini-talk 6 (Nostalgic Photos):

Kaoru: Fufu, I talked a little too much. I wonder if being around you makes me wanna be honest…You really are a strange girl. I don’t know if this is the right time, but I’ll say it again. Look after UNDEAD from now on too, okay? I’ll do my best to make you fall even harder for me.

→I’m looking forward to it!

Kaoru: Yep yep, I’ll be sure to properly meet your expectations. I’ll be on a night-time variety show with Koga, so first on the list will be succeeding at that job.

→I’ll be cheering you on.

Kaoru: I was right that you saying things like that really turns up the tension. I’m really pumped up now, so I think I’ll go to the break room and practice my dance moves.

→I’ll be watching.

Kaoru: Ahaha. Just from those words alone, I feel like I can do my best. It’s probably the same for everyone in UNDEAD, so I’ll let them know that you said you’ll be watching us.

TL Notes:

[1]: I translated this and compared it to numerous sites which kept giving me conflicting things, so I’m not 100% sure this is correct.

[2]: referring to the Radiant Hot Holiday Party event (https://ensemble-stars.fandom.com/wiki/Radiant%E2%98%86Hot_Holiday_Party)

[3]: lit. "there are a lot of good encounters"

[telesthisia]

HOW I RUN MY BLOG.

[Pictured: me coming into this blog when i get motivation] 

SPEED: DON’T TRUST THIS BECAUSE AT THIS POINT, AMBER SIGHTINGS ARE LIKE CRYPTID SIGHTINGS!!! I only come to my blog bloody mary style, meaning you gotta make a summoning circle say “amber do your drafts” three times and I’ll come running. BUT!!! UH! I honestly can’t tell at this moment in time because I don’t spend too much time on the internet! I’m fickle as fUCK so it can range between.... a week for a response to a month and I’m sorry!! 

REPLIES: Depends on my partner! I tend to mirror their response, but with me more is more because sometimes I can just ramble in my writings and add too much fluff to my replies. 

STARTERS: I SUCK!!! STARTER MACHINE BROKEN! It’s funny because I used to be good about this but I feel like I need to mildly plot things out now this way it can give both my partner and i a thread to work off on. I do like starters from ask memes though they can provide good situations. I just need something happening in a thread, domestic/talky talk threads are fine but I want more oompf you feel? 

INBOX: IT’S UH.... FULL old memes and anons and other things. Ye! I need to be better with answering things tho orz. 

SELECTIVITY: HIGHLY!  It’s for my own sanity at this point rather than being a snob, because trust me my writing is nothing special. If the person has good characterization, fun content, interacts with mutuals ooc through funny posts, interesting headcanons and just a good vibe I’m totally in! I typically don’t follow if I don’t see writing styles match, uncut posts (this is a big one) or purple prose (another big one, I am a hoe for metaphors that tie into themes but how can I take the 4000 metaphors you throw at me seriously when your writing is at a full 100?)/.

WISHLIST: ME SLAMMING DOWN MY BOOKS well I have tons of fun AUs. I may not be good at starters but building foundations of a new universe and then building it up with partners is always so much fun! I made a neato Viking AU for OOT Zelda where she’s hunted down to stop Ragnarok since it’s believed she has the powers too..... I believe I’d like a cyberpunk sorta thing with this Zelda! Or Barrier Maiden who’s actually an Apocalypse Maiden sealed away by the sages AU that I have cooking up because Zelda is typically a barrier maiden so why not switch things up a notch where she is still the pillar of the world but carries a great power that could more or less destroy the world.... in case you can’t tell I have some heartbreaking ideas that include world destruction idk why. A good old dungeon exploring thread is always a lot of fun to write out! I’d also love to do some fun ship threads too! And fun shippy ship AUs, like one time with my old ship partner we had a reverse AU where Link was the prince and Zelda the maid and they fell in love despite circumstances because their relationship wouldn’t be possible due to class difference and the obligations that Link has a prince to marry out of strengthening a neighboring nation. I do have all sorts of shipping AU, I have a mythology AU going on in a discord rp for crying out loud! It won’t be coffee shop AU that’s for sure.

HONEST NOTE: I’m slow. But I truly do appreciate the partners who’ve stuck with me throughout the months or years or however long you’ve been on this crazy ride with me for! I believe that RP should be treated as a hobby rather than something you gotta do just to meet some sort of weird quota we have as a community when really, we should just chill. I understand being super excited for threads and all but understand that behind the computer screen, is a person. That said I don’t have plans leaving unless I say I am, don’t take the three months of absence of me going away forever ;v;

[pacificpikachu]

Just rambling about Fanime and other stuff!

- Fanime was a wonderful time, as it always is! I got to spend a lot of time with friends, we did a number of fun, silly things and laughed and talked a bunch, I met and exceeded my goal at Swap Meet, attended some great panels, got the autographs I wanted, bought some excellent swag (mostly from Artist Alley), ate good food, and so on! I just wish I could’ve seen the AMVs, orz, they conflicted with other events on both days they were shown. Oh well, I can watch them online~ (I didn’t find all of my friends, either, but that’s inevitable--there are too many of them and you can’t bump into everyone by chance!)

I never get tired of Fanime, it’s always a delight! After 15 years, it makes me just as happy as ever.

I have photos to share, hopefully I’ll get around to doing that!

- The Joe Hisaishi/Ghibli concert was spectacular! I teared up numerous times, it was just so beautiful and moving, and it brought back tons of memories. The seats my friends and I had were amazing, too. I feel downright lucky to have gotten to see this concert, it was such a life experience and I can’t express how great it was. I recorded videos of it but I’m not sure if I’ll post them, it was mostly just for my memories. (Someone on a Facebook page for the event complained mildly about people recording, they may have even seen me, but I didn’t see any signs or anything saying not to and no one said anything, so, uh, sorry? I tried to keep it low-key, but I hope I didn’t bother people with it... ><)

- I’m still pretty exhausted from con, especially because I worked the last two days since I got back. I’m going to take a nice nap tomorrow so hopefully that’ll help, but I’m also planning to visit friends an hour away, so, hm, it might take me a bit longer to recover yet.

- I’m excited about the new Pokémon news! I’m a little meh about more Kanto, as I feel like the non-stop Kanto stuff has burned me out on it somewhat, but otherwise the game looks adorable and fun! In spite of my username (and yes, I do love Pikachu), I’ll almost certainly go with Eevee, as I’m a huge Eevee/Eeveelutions fan! I might get both, though, depending on the later news and details that come out on them. The responses to it so far seem mixed, but whenever I watch the trailer, I can’t help but be excited. There seems to be an assumption from a lot of fans that this will be a very basic game and I acknowledge that could be the case, but, hey, it still looks like a lot of fun, so I’ll reserve judgement for later and just let myself be excited. Gonna have to save up for a Switch and buy one in the months to come!

- I also bought tickets today to see the pillows in July! I’ve seen them four times, but it’s been several years now since they last came to the US. I’m really excited to finally see them again! They’re always incredible live, truly one of the best bands I’ve seen (they’re one of my very top fav bands in general, too). I was hoping they’d do a new US tour for the FLCL sequels and I was right!

- And AX is coming up in a month! I’m...how I usually feel about AX, which is a mixture of both excitement and a bit of dread, haha. AX is intense. I’m curious what their guest list will be ultimately, that’s the most important thing when it comes to AX for me.

- I have lots of plans for fun things and spending time with friends this summer and I’m so excited~ @adragonwithablog is probs going to come stay with me for a while next week and we’re gonna marathon HxH so I’m really looking forward to that!

- Anyway, back to resting. Just wanted to gush about all the good things going on. :D

[adhd-ahamilton]

C F I M S T Y :) (I'm sorry....) ❤️

Never apologise for responding to these memes :P And oh, one of them’s already done, so that’s ONE less... :P

C: What character do you identify with most?

Lmao that’s a really good question!! It’s funny... I think many of us went through a similar process here, of liking Hamilton and relating to him, but then also encountering Laurens and really relating to him? But I think that’s because Hamilton is a specific kind of person, that a lot of the time it’s less relating to him outright and more... looking to him as an example? Both good and bad. Being enthralled by him and wanting to learn from him and figure out how to take on those qualities of passion and ambition and hard work without also gaining the many negative qualities. And I think that’s part of what interested John about Alex as well - John had so much tendency to self-doubt, and of course there was the whole issue of what he would study and how his dad basically forced him into law, but then there’s Alex who is so sure of what he’s going to do and how he’s going to do it...

But ramble aside: I identify a lot with Laurens like emotionally? And tend to project my insecurities and worries onto him. And also since I am also a white person from a wealthy family I try to kinda... be aware of that through him, as a way to work through what it’s easy to forget in my position and how I need to do better. So I guess I relate to him morally, as well. But... I first did get into this fandom because I saw something in Hamilton that I almost never saw in any other characters. Like, I almost never really relate to characters? There isn’t any character at all I can point to and say ‘yep, they’re just like me’? And Hamilton spoke to me in a bunch of ways I didn’t think I’d ever find. But like I said, it’s also partially a lesson thing - he taught me that I could be the way I was and still work and achieve things and be useful and do good, but it was also kind of a ‘yeah you can do better in THESE ways though, wow’ kind of thing. So though I don’t write from his POV much for various reasons, I definitely relate to him in some really important ways as well.

And uh, beyond this fandom... I love Leslie Knope but I’m more like Ben Wyatt, and there’s a whole bunch of moe anime girls that I relate way too much to (like Suou from Flowers and Hanamaru from Love Live! and oh god, Tsukimi from Princess Jellyfish for sure...)

F: Care to share a favorite hurt/comfort fic?

Hmmmmm! :O There are a lot of good ones by Madtom and Publius in their whole verse! Also, going through my fic tag... wow this one by ciceroprofacto is SO GOOD (it’s not like overtly hurt/comfort but the overtone is definitely there in the end).

And beyond this fandom... I was into Supernatural right before this and lmao, canon-verse Dean/Castiel is like, inherently hurt/comfort :P And yet my favourite is probably this human AU one where Dean is a paraplegic and Cas is a guy who comes in to hang out and talk with people at the care facility and it’s written so so sensitively and avoids a lot of the gross ableist tropes that are so common in this type of fic because it’s written by someone who actually knows their stuff a lot and it’s REALLY GOOD and great!!

(Also just in general I tend to bookmark fic on AO3 when I like them, and I read for a pretty broad array of fandoms, so if you’re looking for recs you might find some you like there!)

I: Do you have a guilty pleasure in fic (reading or writing)?

MAN like I really have a thing for like... stuff to do with intimacy? Specifically, kinda mismatched or forced intimacy or whatever. Like the classic ‘there’s only one bed’ thing, where two characters who are just friends (or, like ‘’just friends’’) suddenly have to share a bed together, or the even MORE classic pretend lovers thing, where two friends have to pretend to be a couple and it’s all awkward and uncomfortable and they start feeling it FOR REAL but then it’s like nooo they’re only pretending, we have to act like we’re so close but we’re not but I wish we were...! MAN it’s so great!! Like IDK there’s just something about characters ending up in this position and it’s awkward but they end up learning so much about each other and then falling for each other and that just makes it even worse... Love it :’)

Or like, I looove like sexual tension and friendships that tip just a bit over too much and that steady slow burn as they get closer and closer and they’re SO CLOSE to getting together but NOT QUITE and they’re so much PINING and TOUCHING and ahhhh!!!!

Also just, projecting as much of myself and various identities and stuff onto characters as possible :P

M: Got any premises on the back burner that you'd care to share?

S-so many... orz hmmMMM here’s a couple!

A modern day AU Hamburrger thing where they dated in college and now they’re both politicians and it comes out and Ham just kinda admits to it because what does he care and now Burr is just *screaming internally* at all times because he actually wanted to keep every tiny bit of his private life out of the public sphere, thanks?

Another Hamburrger thing where Ham is just trying to have a fun sexy time but Burr keeps unintentionally prodding at Ham’s really painful memories and stuff and it all just falls apart

One that I’ll almost certainly never write but: Lams AU assuming Ham dies in 1804 (which I don’t think he would but whatever) and Alex Jr is mourning but it’s difficult at home because he and Eliza never got along that well so he ends up staying over with Laurens instead and somehow they get to talking and finding ways to mourn together and Eliza as well and it’s all awkward and sad but they’re figuring it out eventually somehow

Various other Lams AU things, including: a kind of day in the life thing featuring domesticity and more Ham and Frances interaction, Laurens first moving into the city next to Ham and a LOT of domesticity and also porn?, Ned Stephens showing up and effectively doing the ‘if you hurt him I’ll kill you’ to Laurens, Alex and Eliza talking about the whole ‘Im cheating on you with a man’ thing where they are both irrevocably on different pages and will never agree but at least start to understand each other a little better

John and Francis meeting up during the war. Which sounds like a perfectly simple premise which I totally don’t need to research at all before I start writing it in my head!!!

Also I couldn’t write it myself because I don’t know nearly enough but I’d be really curious to see a Lams fic set in modern times, but like, where they’re both still in the military? Obviously such a fic would have to engage with the whole issue of the American military and all but like, we already have to engage with slavery as a thing, soooo it’s hardly foreign territory (no pun intended).

S: Any fandom tropes you can't resist?

Already covered part of that :P I love those dumb plots that basically revolve around ‘two characters are stuck together! How do they react?’ because there are just so many ways they can go depending on the characters and that’s really interesting!!

I also really love domestic fic including kid fic, historical AUs, interesting formats (like epistolary etc.), Outsider POV, and of course slow burn!

I quite like fandom tropes in general, to the extent that people really do, like... cross-reference the pairing and characters to the trope and write it specifically for them, and not just some Generic Pretend Couple Fic and change the names? I just really like seeing all the subtle differences between different interpretations of the same characters, when it’s done well!

T: Any fandom tropes you can't stand?

Hoo boy :) Well first up, I’m not into D/s, so any kind of A/b/o and slavefic and stuff I just walk right past. And as I implied above, when I get into a pairing, I really like to get into like... what makes that pairing special and unique and different? So I really dislike any stuff which cleaves towards making them more generic, like ‘jock!{character}/nerd!{character}’ type fic, which usually just ends up exactly the same as any other jock/nerd fic. (Also maybe it’s just cause I’m Aussie but we...didn’t ever actually have strict groupings like that in high school? So those fic in particular are just. Bizarre to me.)

Related, I tend not to like high school/college/coffee shop AUs because they’re usually like really overtly ‘hey this is what it is like for people here!! haha doesn’t it reflect your time in college really well? this is just what things are like for me!!’ and they are...usually not relatable to me. At all. Because my experiences are quite weird;;; So I just. don’t enjoy reading them because it makes me feel bad lol.

And uhhhh I really dislike fic where people go hard on the sarcasm and stuff? Like it mostly just ends up making them sound like assholes. I admit I’m particularly sensitive to this but I really, really hate people who mock and insult other people for just being themselves and doing what they want and 90% of snarky seems to be about that, especially when done by inexperienced writers. But even experienced writers do this sometimes when they get this idea that banter is good writing 100% of the time or that it’s too ‘’’simple’’’ just to write a character being like... nice? Or genuine? (Like holy shit I got soooo damn sick of snarky!Castiel like yeah great he is sarcastic OCCASIONALLY in canon, he’s not a grumpy asshole 24/7, where do people get this??? But it’s also something that comes up a lot in Hamilton musical fic and. yeah.)

Aaaand that’s probably enough lmao thanks for asking again!!! :D