#bc that is. true to life do u know how far it takes to stop a train

[fourteenfifteen]

ok this is less of a problem w sangf.ielle than it is me just being me but it took me a hot minute to get into the whole thing of the shape trains being like sentient beings with intention and everything and it’s still kinda not my fave. my like gut check for train-based horror is more of a “technology created by us that we now cannot fully control” kind of thing

[p-taryn-dactyl]

dudeeee ik ur reqs are open so why not give this a shot and see what u think abt it! since the new agatha trailer came out I CANNOT STOP THINKING ABT HERRRJDID!! so this is abt her! (plus love ur agatha content!! ive read all of em ALL OF EM)

so.. what abt a AU where agatha is the reader's manager and the reader is a famous actor? this could lead to a dark fic or just a wholesome light one! whichever u prefer ill leave it up to u!

~p.s i hope ur feeling better!! have a nice day and feel free to ignore this if u want to^^

a/n: first off, i love ur energy so much omg, and also SAME! the trailer goes through my mind 24/7 and i’m not mad about it! ooooo i love this idea!! definitely have to take creative liberties bc i’ve sadly never been famous😔 word count: 2.6k warning(s): fun fact: i am making all of these things up, if you're secretly an actor keep everything i did wrong in this fic to yourself - slight jealous!Agatha - friends to coworkers to lovers - agatha definitely knows how to communicate - all movies and characters mentioned in this are worlds/stories i have written- kinda rushed ending but then again i feel like everything is rushed - i really hope you like this! thank you so much for the ask and i am feeling a bit better 🫶🏻 - i really can't write kissing my apologies

i was the saint, you used to adore me

You remember when you first hired Agatha.

You were just beginning to dip your toes into the pool of acting, cautiously testing the waters by sending out your less than perfect resume to anyone who would accept. Agatha was the first, and only, acting manager to respond. She too was new to her field, so far only representing people who specialized in car commercials and medicine ads. She wanted a change of pace and your lack luster resume spoke to her. Some part of you still wanders why she picked to represent you, even though in the end everything worked out incredibly well, you wanted to know why she wanted to work with you.

Because now it seemed like she wanted nothing to do with you.

At the beginning, it was like the two of you couldn't be seperated. Outside of work hours, many movie nights happened, sometimes an excuse for Agatha to show you her favorite directing and acting techniques, sometimes an excuse for you to binge watch Sandra Bullock's entire cinematography. You would fill her inbox with emails of dream roles, she would fill yours with links to acting classes if the number of emails in her inbox from you exceeded 1,000.

She was your best friend.

You missed her.

If you had to pinpoint the time when she started drifting away, it was right after you landed your breakout role of Aerin Fey in the movie Pillars, which became a boxoffice hit, making nearly three times the production cost in theaters. Soon, your portrayal of the multiversal anti hero was on billboards, had sequels and contracts signed, had custom dolls on toy store shelves. It was everything you wanted, seeing little girls inspired by you as you either walked down a red carpet or passed them in the grocery store. You loved signing autographs in the signature Agatha and you spent nights perfecting. You loved taking pictures with fans, almost equally as excited as they were, after all your dream was coming true.

All you wanted was to share these moments with your closest friend but soon Agatha started only filling the manager role in your life. No longer did she appear at your door bearing tubs of ice cream to celebrate a role you had been offered, no longer did she let you cry when you lost a role you had been desperate for. Your texts and emails became dry, only notifying you of roles she had sent your portfolio in for or sending you calender invites for interviews and late night show appearances.

All this was swirling in your head as you scrolled through your old texts with Agatha, your eyes becoming watery as you went further into the messages. You sat in your living room on your large couch, a purchase Agatha practically had to force you to confirm. You still didn't understand why you needed such a large couch or house for that matter, as you were the only one living in the space. It was damn comfortable though. You let yourself sink into the cushions, your mind running wild with theories as to why Agatha suddenly cut your friendship off. Sure, you two would keep a professional appearance when seen together on the carpet but you were absolutely certain people noticed the tense atmosphere between you.

"Bitch if you don't answer this door right now I'm going to assume you're dead and call every TMZ reporter here!"

The voice of your co-star turned friend Wanda Maximoff interupted your self pity episode, making you realize that the pounding you had subconsciously been hearing wasn't a sad theme song your mind created for you. No, it was the furious knocking of the red head. You reluctantly got out of your comfy spot, slightly taking Wanda's threat seriously. You opened your door, revealing your friend holding a folder with Pillar's studio name printed on the side and a bottle of champagne. You nodded to the bottle.

"Where's the rest?"

Wanda laughed, nudging her way into your home, bumping your shoulder with hers.

"Oh so it's that kind of day."

Wanda took her place on your couch, setting the bottle on the coffee table and crossing her legs with the folder in her lap. She patted the spot next to her on your couch, a smile wide on her face.

"Now come on, we have to make sure we know the answers to questions and what not to answer!"

You groaned at the reminder of your TV appearance tomorrow. Which also meant enduring the new cold demeanor of your be-manager. Wanda seemed to read your face as you made your way to sit back on the couch. She patted your knee once you were sat, her face a mix of pity and a bit of anger for your sadness.

"Is Agatha still acting weird?"

You nodded while staying silent, not wanting to cry in front of one of your only real friends. Not yet at least.

"God that's so stupid honestly. The least she could do is tell you what's going on instead of acting like a fourth grader who's favorite swing is being used during recess. I know you love her Y/N, I'm sorry."

You both laughed and choked at Wanda's words.

She was right, you loved Agatha. You've loved her since the first time you met her and your feelings only grew and intensified as your partnership continued throughout the years.

But you'd never say it outloud. That would make it real. And if it was real, that meant the woman you loved hated you and you had no idea why.

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Agatha was leaning against the wall of your dressing room, her eyes glued to her phone as she typed furiously. You watched her in the mirror as your hair stylist put the finishing touches on the style that was supposed to look effortless. Almost as if she could feel your stare, Agatha looked up from her phone to meet your eyes in the mirror. You felt heat rise up to your cheeks as your own eyes widened, standing up a little to quickly. Realizing once you were up that you didn't have a reason for such a reaction.

Wanda burst into the dressing room, her red dress sparkling in the light.

"They want us to walk on stage together, shall we?"

Wanda held out her elbow for you to hold on to, winking in an exaggerated way. Out of the corner of your eye, you noticed Agatha's intense glare at Wanda but decided that you weren't going to let your manager's weird behavior affect this interview. You hooked your arm through Wanda's, playing along.

"We shall!"

Agatha followed behind the two of you, her stare burning into the back of your neck as the two of you walked onto the stage, cuing the raging applause and cheers from the audience. Agatha stayed off-stage, watching with crossed arms and an expression that could take down the toughest of tough.

The lights were burning and bright as you and Wanda took a seat next to each other across from the interviewer. You immediately regretting your choice in seat as Agatha stood across from you in the wings, her stare like ice as it stuck to your skin. Taking a deep breath, you plastered on a wide smile as you were introduced. Purposefully ignoring Agatha, you focused on how the interviewer angeled her body towards Wanda, indictating who she would be asking a question to first.

"Ok, I got to say," Darcy Lewis, the host of this show, threw her hands in the air as if she was giving a confession, "I can't ask any questions about the movie until I get confirmation about something that's happened in your life recently, Wanda."

Wanda smirked, obviously understanding where Darcy was going, You, however, were confused, your eyes flickering between Darcy, Wanda, Agatha, and the audience, hating the feeling. Your smile stayed plastered on, not wanting to reveal your confusion. Wanda met your eyes and reached over to cover your hand with hers, her left hand on top almost purposefully. You looked down to see a beautiful ring with a braided band of gold set with a sparkling diamond of reasonable size.

"Oh my god!" You gasped out, grasping Wanda's hand and bringing it embarassingly close to your face. Wanda and Darcy laughed, the latter clapping as her vague question was answered in a hilarious way.

"I can't believe it's taken you this long to notice!" Wanda laughed out, tugging her hand back to marvel at her ring herself, "I've only been parading it around for a week!"

You flushed with embarassment, a real smile painting your lips as you covered your face with your hands. After the crowd calmed down, Wanda confirmed outloud what the ring symbolized.

"A little over a week ago, my long time partner, who I met on this set by the way, proposed to me in the park we had our first date. Oh, he was so nervous but I couldn't let him finish his speach I was so excited! Obviously I said yes."

You wanted to give your friend a giant hug but decided against climbing over the arms of the chairs, choosing to keep your dignity as you didn't want your dress to ride up too much.

Darcy continued with the interview, the air of the stage light and friendly as you and Wanda evaded questions and made jokes about being trapped in these roles until you're 90. You realized once the interview was almost over that you couldn't feel Agatha's stare on you anymore. Since you had been actively avoiding the spot she was standing in the whole time, you hadn't notice her slip away. A spark of anger lit in your chest as memories floated around your mind. What had you done that she deemed worthy enough to sever your relationship?

You were surprisingly thankful when the interview was over, everything becoming a blur as you made it back home. Wanda had a date with her fiance, Vision but told you that she wanted to get coffee the next morning. You already knew you would be needing that coffee, as you had a few pages of script to begin memorizing for a cameo scene you were doing for a spin-off show of Pillars.

You wanted to just curl up on your couch and binge watch old Disney movies but you forced yourself to walk in circles around your living room, script in hand as you acted out your scenes. A few hours in, you were getting frustrated. Your mind just wouldn't grasp the script, each line entering your mind quickly but leaving even quicker. You were about to learn how to use your fireplace just to burn the papers when your door shook with someone knocking. It was rapid, almost desperate and it sent a sense of urgency pooling in your gut. You practically ran to your door, afraid of what you would see on the other side. Did someone die? Oh god, hopefully Wanda and Vision didn't break up that would be awful-

The door swung open.

It was Agatha.

Her eyes were ablaze with an emotion you couldn't pin point, her hair was a mess but it only added to her beauty, and she was gripping her phone so hard in her hand that her knuckles were white.

You were frozen in the doorway, your eyes wide and your jaw slack. Agatha just stared back at you, her chest heaving as if she had ran all the way to your home. Blinking, you broke yourself from your trance, and against the voices in your head that sounded suspiciously like a specific redhead, stepped to the side to let Agatha in. She barged in, going to stand in front of the couch, arms crossed as she continued to stare at you. Wringing your hands, you decided you wanted to mend what was broken.

"I'm just practicing for the shoot in a week, would you help me? I can't seem to get-"

"Were you ever with Wanda?"

Her sudden question made you choke on your words and you were back to being frozen, the script falling dramatically from your hands. Agatha came to stand in front of you, her face inches from yours. Your tongue was heavy with shock and all you could do was shake your head in denial.

Why was Agatha asking this? Did she like Wanda? That would explain why she wouldn't be happy with you, as you had grown closer to the redhead throughout the years and Agatha didn't.

Something clicked in your mind, reversing your sinking stomach into nervous butterflies.

But if she liked Wanda, why would she be glaring at her? Unless, the person Agatha liked wasn't the now engaged redhead and was-

"Y/N, please, I need you to answer me."

Agatha voice contradicted her body language, her words broken and shaky, as if she was afraid of a potential answer. Her hands flexed in the postition of her crossed arms, as if she wanted to reach towards you. You took a deep breath, preparing your answer.

"Is this why you started avoiding me? Because you thought I was with Wanda? I've only ever been her friend, Agatha and we only grew as close as we are because you stopped talking to me! God, I thought you hated me!"

Agatha's eyes lost their iciness and filled with panic instead. Her hands shot out and grasped your arms.

"Hate? No, I love you! I though the giant annoucment at the interview would be that you were in a relationship with Wanda! I didn't want to ruin your relationship with her because of my feelings!."

You shrugged Agatha's hands off your arms and took a step back.

"So you ruined ours? All because you thought your feelings were unreciprocated?" Agatha's eyes lit up with hope at your words, "Wanda's been with Vision for years, all you had to do was open Google!" You had started to raise your voice towards the end, all your frustration being let out at once. Agatha shrugged sheepishly as she slowly stepped to once again be close to you.

"I didn't want to be right."

Agatha smiled nervously as she brushed a hair from your face.

"I didn't know what to do and I'm terribly sorry for how I acted. God, Y/N, it hurt seeing you with someone who wasn't me. I thought you just wanted to be friends. "

Her whispered apology melted away the ice that had been hardening your heart for protection and you reached up to cup her face in your hands. Agatha leaned into your touch, her eyes closing for a second before opening and almost blinding you with how much hope was shining towards you.

"I loved being your friend and it really hurt me when you took that away but," you smiled at Agatha, shifting to be even closer to your manager, "I would love to be even more."

Agatha smiled softly, her eyes saying everything her words couldn't. Her smile melted into a smirk as she leaned in, your hands falling from her face so your arms could wrap around her neck.

"I would really love to make up for lost time."

You barely had finished nodding before Agatha's lips crashed into yours, consuming you. Her hands now cradled your face as you kissed, her tongue battling with yours. She started walking, directing you towards the stairs, where the door to your bedroom taunted you with it being far. As the two of you stumbled up the stairs, laughter breaking the kiss, you felt Agatha tugging on your dress, the one you still hadn't changed out of. Soon, there was a trail of clothes leading to your bedroom and once you hit your bed, from the look in Agatha's eyes, you wouldn't be leaving it anytime soon.

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a/n: please tell me u liked this bc i loved writing it :) i love this AU idea and would love to expand on it in the future! i wanted this to be a one shot but the potential in this pairing could lead to a series 👀 thank you so much for reading!! hopefully my writing slump hasn't affected my writing too much but i'm going to keep practicing to get better!!

[sunnebeam]

everything just stops.

A 'DARKEST LITTLE PARADISE' DRABBLE.

pairing: min yoongi x reader

warnings: mafia au (but no specific details in this particular drabble), mentions of past accident, mentions of sex work, yoongi & oc reminisce and spend time together

masterlist + disclaimers.

note: in case u didn't know, i'm still currently on my aug-oct vacation (see details in pinned post!) and this post was scheduled in advance :> anyw this is a calm chapter/drabble compared to the previous ones bc hey, our dlp!couple deserves a break ok? as always, feedback is much appreciated!

— prev: and all the pieces fall | next: run away with me?

"I'm gonna miss you 'round here, sweets."

You chuckle at your coworker's tone, whiny and teasing from the other line of the phone call.

"You're acting as if I'm never coming back," you say. "It's only three weeks, you know."

"And that's three weeks too many," she whines but you know it's all in jest. "Besides, I wouldn't it past that man of yours if he spoils you rotten. You won't even want to come back to work after three weeks."

You pout as if she can see you.

"He's not my man..."

"Sure," she drawls. "Whatever you say, sweets."

"It's true!" you insist. "He's just— He's, uhh... Yoongi is..."

Three knocks on your front door.

"...here," you finish, blinking at the clock.

"And that's my cue to hang up," your coworker declares cheekily. "Bye, love you, be careful, enjoy your date—"

"It's not a date—"

She hangs up.

You sigh, before summoning your courage and moving to open the front door. Yoongi stands before your dingy apartment in his immaculate, high-end clothing, and even though he's been here a couple times before, you still can't get used to the sight.

"Hi," he greets you softly.

"Hi," you whisper back just as softly.

"Ready to go?"

You nod before stepping out and locking your door. The two of you then walk out and head to Yoongi's car. After strapping yourselves in and driving away, you turn your head to gaze out the window.

"Where to, this time?" you ask him mindlessly.

It's been weeks since your birthday, since that night Yoongi told you everything, and it's become routine at this point for him to take you to the different places in your forgotten past.

So far, you've already visited your old childhood home, your old high school, the coffee shop you used to go to, the ice cream shop you part-timed at, even the spots where Yoongi used to take you on dates.

Unfortunately, nothing has sparked your memories yet. But you don't really mind. After all, you believe everything Yoongi told you, especially since they lined up with the blanks you have with your life's timeline.

What you're after, with these little memory lane trips you take with him, is to get back in touch with your childhood, get a feel of what your life had been like, and get to know the relationships you had with people from your past.

Especially your relationship with Yoongi.

"I was thinking we could just drive around the neighborhood this time. No particular destination in mind," he finally answers your question. "What do you think?"

You beam.

"I think it's perfect."

And true enough, 'perfect' is what you use to describe how your afternoon with Yoongi goes – with the both of you getting takeout and parking at a local fast food's lot. It feels inncredibly nostalgic – stuffing your face with greasy junk food while he sips his iced coffee and toggles with the radio.

"I like this," you remark. "Feels familiar."

"We used to do this in high school," he tells you. "Before..." he trails off.

Before the accident.

You sigh. All those weeks spent with him, you somehow managed to avoid talking about the heavy things. But now, you can't avoid it any longer.

"It's okay, you know," you say to him. "You don't have to walk around eggshells with me. You can talk about the accident."

He nods, but doesn't say anything.

"You know, I always used to think you were so familiar," you reveal, reminiscing about all those times Yoongi visited your room at the brothel and how he never once felt threatening. "I always felt comfortable with you, compared to my other clients. Now, I know why."

"Maybe, deep down," he mumbles, "you remember me. Maybe somewhere in the back of your mind, you recognized me."

"Maybe... It happens during sex, too, you know," you tell him cheekily. "I get deja vu sometimes when you're balls deep inside me."

He chuckles. "Yeah, well, we were just as wild back then, too."

You laugh along with him. The laughter lingers for a while before he speaks again.

"I almost told you the truth so many times before," he confesses. "But I didn't want to overwhelm you."

"It's fine, Yoongi."

A minute passes.

"I also almost told you I love you before," he admits in a whisper. "So many fucking times."

Your breath hitches.

"Before... What about now?" you ask hesitantly.

He gazes into your eyes, leaning closer and closer.

"I still do," he whispers.

And then his lips touch yours.

COPYRIGHT 2023. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

[pumpkinsy0]

hcs for ponyboy experiencing a lot of dread and worry leading up to his birthday because he's not ready to be older and is feeling some pressure of having to start living his life? i could see this happening on his 15th after everything that happened with johnny and dally (since he kind of stopped living for a bit after that) but any birthday is good! (this is totally not related to the fact that my birthday is in a few days and im feeling a bit of pressure to make sure this year is going to be filled with all the teenage experiences ive missed so far in my life whoopsies)

understandable reaction from both u and pony honestly, but i truly do hope u have a good bday!! u deserve it, but dont rush life!!! the beauty of it is that its different for everyone, thats y we arent all a hive mind!!!!plus, theres no age limit to things u can do<333

• I TOTALLY SEE WYM HERE AND I AGREE IVE ALWAYS THOUGHT THE SAME!!! howeeevverrrrrr i must say that instead of his 15th bday, these r the emotions he would more so feel when hes in his late teens!! like 17-19ish, im leaning more towards 19 however bc johnny was 16 when he died, on ponys 17th bday, he could also feel this way

•i say 19 bc hes gonna b turning 20, the same age as darry was when all that bs happened, and he’d compare himself to darry a shit ton, he’ll kinda see himself as a failure if he cant push himself the way darry did

•while he feels like he has to start his life, he feels like he also missed out on a good portion of it BC of what happened, he feels like he missed out on his teens bc he didnt fully heal from what happened and instead grew up wayyy faster than he shouldve

•ONNNN TOPPPP OF ALL THAT, he feels like he has to live for johnny, dally???? ehhhhhhhh w all due respect, to a bit of a lesser extent

•ik hes haunted by that whole “stay gold” thing too, “how am i supposed to grow up and cope w this in a few days and stay true to myself while doing so” type deal”

•two and sodas jokes about him getting older make him sick to his god damn STOMACCCHHHH, darrys seen pony laugh and then quickly have the look of a soldier back from war and he knows that look bc he has it every damn birthday😭

•darry knows EXACTLY how ponys feeling and hes not the best w emotions so he tries helping how he can, and unfortunately for pony, this means having a talk w darry which is soooo awkward, but it makes him feel less alone

•i could definitely see pony accidentally (age????) regressing, maybe he doesnt notice it at first, but the gang sure do, he starts doing things he hasn’t done in literal years and its bc to him, its simple!!! as soon as he realizes he beats himself up for it and thinks its SO stupid and pushes ts to the farthest part of his brain

•pony doesnt want a huge celebration, so it doesnt feel AS in his face, but i dont think he would fully voice this as a WANT, more like a suggestion, which to b fair, the gang isnt going ALLL out but its still not as lowkey pony would like, however he appreciated them taking it down a few pegs

•on his birthday, funnily enough, i dont think he’d feel that emotional, hes just thinking “hm,,,”

[astroyongie]

i honestly feel like i was born in the wrong era. either im too old for something or someone or im past the point of being able to achieve something. then when looking at how all these kpop groups are so young yet successful and talented just makes me question why i didnt do something like that.

we didnt have kpop in my school time but why couldnt i have just picked something and stuck with it? on top of it i believe im never going to fit anyones ideal type so whats the point in existing cause no one gonna truly get to know me.

unless i can somehow pass away before im 50 then i dont have to continue to think about all this shit and how i shouldve done better or i shouldve picked such and such a career and i shouldve tried to put myself out there more but in my age theres really nothing out there to seek when its all handed to younger generations.

and i would want to have my own success based on my own effort but have fallen short in so many ways its impossible to not find something i could do about it bc im too far behind and it does get to a point where you think that it is too late bc in order to gain any talent you have to have done it from a young age.

i dont want to rely on someone else to do it for me but i couldnt do it myself due to personal situations. yet i feel like thats an excuse cause once again all these young idols seem to be ro have something about them that makes their life a success. like yes the end inudstry is far from perfect but thats what people have been seeking themselves so it cant all be that bad all the time for them if these groups including older age groups have went out got success and even they get all the benefits of the super rich lifestyle but at the same time money doesnt bring true happiness and it seems a very shallow way they live sometimes, they have a supply and demand contract with their audiences and rely so much on social media which although i use it im not attached to it and i cant relate to obsessing over latest dance trend. i also want to stop the woe is me narrative but its really fucking hard to not feel so ashamed, behind or negative about things.

the most advice people gove is bog standard like if ur bored, go out more but its hard not to feel left out, if ur loney go find someone, if u dont have an income go get a job its literally never that simple. even in education you still have to pay for it as an adult meaning you have to already have a job but even then theres still means of you getting misjudged for your age and classmates have already done that to me before it wasnt that fun. its like saying to someone depressed to go take medicine to take away the feeling.

idk what im doing anymore besides waiting to randomly pass away so i can be done with this shite. sorry for ranting so much but idk who else to speak too bc no one else never seems to understand my frustrations with the way things have panned out.

Comparing yourself to others people archievement is the worst thing you can do. because we are all different, we all go through different shits (just like you rightfully said) and not all of us have the same opportunities presented. beating yourself up for that is a cruel thing to do wishing yourself.

It does also seem like you struggle a lot with self worth, self love and that is probably because never once someone complimented you for the things that you have achieve (to this point were you believe you havent achieved anything).

Love, hatred that you carry is a motivator, and you need to accept one thing. as long as you are breathing nothing is to late to archive, as long as you are here you should be kinder to yourself. because why are you comparing yourself to idols? I often say this here but when was it the last time you appreciated life? when was the last time you went out, stared at the ocean, at the night sky, breathed into a forest, when was the last time you felt a sense of peace? seek that out. dwelling on what we could have been is cruel hun, and not helping you in any kind <3

its okay to rant, dont worry, I hope I dont sound to harsh either, its just that I pains me seeing you guys going through so much suffering when I promise you all, darkness cannot live without light. just find your way back to it, often you dont need a big reason. sometimes the most tiny thing can be a source of happiness, seek yours !

[lunarsights]

im still confused as to how the whole adore x hybe thing came about and honestly props to both illit and newjeans for not overreacting the way the adults in charge of their respective groups have mishandled them. in a way the two groups handled their current situation better than those in charge and it boggles my mind how such " adults" get put in charge of literal minors.

it kinda gives off um p3d0 vibes a lot of the time. ik kpop is rampant for appealling to naive girls and boys but I still think that groups can still coexist without too much competition. as you csn see with for instance skz and ateez they both coexist maturely without much competition between the groups despite doing vastly different performances. it just gives sleazy wannabe wealthy but really they are making bigger deals out of nothing vibes too. bc we know kpop puts more unhealthy emphasis on the imagery and less on the music itself. I dont know if itll be kpops downfall but as of late with everything that seems to be sturring about in the media towards idols and those in charge of said idols, ehh i dont really get good vibes from it these days. I very much think eventually its a trainwreck waiting to happen. maybe its bit off more than it can chew, got too much going on at once and cant really separate their greediness for general interest in what these groups want to achieve.

and even if mhj does become less bigoted she is still a pos for escalating this issue in the first place. do u think all the negatives that go on in kpop is complete karma? someone else stated that things can often be a cover up for worse things so is this really a pr stunt? a distraction tactic?

illit, newjeans, le sserafim, and all othe groups mentioned in the whoel debacle have really been mature about everything for sure. i think companies/"the adults" get very caught up in the money and therefore have little foresight of how these things impact idols. they don't care what happens to who as long as they still make a profit, you know?

i'd also point out competition always exists: even amongst groups we think don't show it (and sometimes it's pushed by fans instead of companies). as someone who's a staytiny, ateez and skz literally competed in kingdom and although members kept it friendly and strictly to the show - fans hyped everything up and made it seem real and even kept it going afterwards. i think this is happening with illit/newjeans/le sserafim also. all those girls like one another; they probs message each other, do challenges, and all types of other things. it's mainly the general public and their companies that create this idea of them competing fiercely.

i don't know if karma is the right word, but i believe everything done in the dark will be brought to light - even if it seeminly takes forever to happen, and pluto in aqaurius especially makes the statement true. pluto in aquarius is all about creating havoc and clearing out traditional channels of life that have operated under circumstances against society's greater purpose or ideals. so, if you count that as karma then i'd say yes.

i think people go too far with the pr stunt/distrction tactic takes. none of this is helpful for hybe, min heejin, new jeans, illit, le sserafim, or anyone else involved. everyone looks bad, and it makes audiences not want to engage with anybody mentioned. as for kpop scandals being made public to cover up government scandals? also unlikely. kpop fans don't pay attention to the korean government like that, and those living in korea don't care about kpop as much as foreigners do; and even if they do people need to logically think: when celebrities in your home country get into controversies does that stop you from caring about what your government is doing? likely no, so that belief is also unfounded imo.

last thing i'll say is that pluto in aquarius is supposed to incintivize the collective to want less artists/celebrities who are far removed from them. people will want to listen to music that mimics their own experience and will want artists who are more humble and home grown over record-label made. even the kpop industry is finding this out with trying to champion groups and members that are self-producing as opposed to how it was in earlier generations. authenticity is key with pluto in aquarius.

[wintrwinchestr]

Hello Winter ❄️

I want to spread some love, hugs and forehead kisses to all the writers I adore.🩵 ( of course u are on that list)

I don’t even know how to start….so on a random day I decided to read the parts of “obedience” that are out so far and I’m floored. I don’t think in real life I would ever want to be a puppy but for Joel fucking Miller, I would be any day of the week. What made me giggle was this warning “one face slap but she likes it (and so do i)” because so do I !!!!!!! 😍🥰

Maybe I shouldn’t find it so hot to be slapped in the face but I just do there’s no stopping me. 🫣🤭

But what absolutely crushed me into oblivion was your rockstar!joel….. i’m serious. You must’ve put some kind of drug in your writing because it’s just wow, u turned me into a pathetic little puddle. The smut was so incredible hot and the whole Daddy thing is soooooooooo far up my alley so of course while actively reading I had to take multiple breaks to just calm down to not lose my mind while they were fucking.🥵

I would give my soul away to have that Joel fuck me the way he did reader even if it means unavoidable heartbreak. ���️‍🩹

I truly hope that Reader chews the fuck out of him and makes him live in hell for treating her like that.

And for some reason, I was kind of thinking of Tommy Lee, which is maybe not that fitting, but that’s the only Rockstar I really know and for some reason he popped into my head 🧐

Lastly, I can only say I’m really excited for what else you got in store with both of these stories but please know that you should never feel pressured or forced to get a chapter or story out as quick as possible. I will wait however much time it takes because in the end, it’s absolutely worth it. 🩵

I hope u have fantastic day and take care of yourself Winter ❄️🫶🏻

mina, this is so incredibly kind and sweet, i saw this first thing this morning and i've been thinking about it all day, waiting until my work day was over so i could properly sit down and respond to you.

i'm happy that random lil tag made you giggle!! i probably giggled when i wrote it. you and me both find it hot to get slapped baby, nothing wrong with being into it 💖 every time i watch joel's lil interrogation scene from the first game and he does that "you focus right here" with the slap i blush and kick my feet like want him to do that to me 😔

i am so glad you love my baby rockstar!! daddy kink is like my #1 favorite thing, it pains me to write something without it like what else am i supposed to call u? i'm a slut for titles, especially that one 🤭

i'm excited to finish the next chapter and give it to you all to read!! i've put a lot of thought and work into what joel and reader are both going through post-morning after and then what happens after her little surprise performance that night, i hope you all enjoy reading it :)

you're so true for tommy lee bc i kind of associate him/motley crue with rockstar as well!! in my mind tommy was definitely like the sex, drugs and rock n roll pretty boy back in the day, that impression is mostly due to watching pam & tommy on hulu lol (highly recommend). you're right like it's not quite the same vibe but he definitely kept coming up in my mind too!!

i appreciate your kind ending words so so much 💖 i write/create in the free time i have from my full time job, my creative energy kind of ebbs and flows, some scenes and stories come easier than others but i am so happy i started writing again and i never would have imagined someone as sweet as you would take the time to say such nice things about my writing.

i did have a pretty good day today and you were definitely a part of that 😁 thank you again so much for sending me this amazing message, and thank you for reading!! 💖

[trueoathbreaker]

Im watching a video on mmos and i wanted to talk about my experiences with the genre for the past like 2 decades

I first got into mmos with toontown back when it was all over tv

My parents paid for an account for me and my sibling to share and my dad had his own account

I played a whole bunch of toontown but i avoided a lot of things....i was barely in double digits....stuff like cog buildings and the factory (back when there was like...1) scared me...heck i still tend to avoid them when i go back to ttr (and bc i have zero social skills so i suffer in solo)

My first TRUE mmo was maplestory....i never got far tho i leveled up a few times and got to like the elf area and had someone try to trade me but again i was just a confused 11 year old at the time....idk how mmos work! I still played them!

Theres a bunch of mmos id get into during middle school and into hs but never for too long....i was like a grandma with a cell phone....idk what im doing im just hitting things and running around the first area

I have a friend who id play some of these with back then but even then i didnt know what i was doing

At this point in my life and its only been 28 years of being alive....most of these memories are fuzzy...

I remember always being magic classes until i got one with a gunner...i thought wow thats cool!

My friend always did way more in these games than i did....

And then there was one particular mmo....i had gotten into with a different friend in hs....

Tera

Now my first jump into tera was short lived (in 2013) bc i had a laptop not made to play such a demanding game and i barely saw past lumbertown for years. I shelved tera and had a small burst of playing mmos during this time from new to old

For....whatever reason i dont remember

My previous friend got me to hop back into tera in 2015

And that

Was the start of my true mmo years

Every other mmo i clueless played barely getting anywhere for a few months to playing talesrunner a few times to whatever mmo i wanted to try that gave me a virus once and i very shakily saved my computer from it (probably)

Didnt matter

Here we are back in tera 2 years later and its all different and would only get more different the more i played....i deleted the like 3 characters i had barely used bc their names were trash and i made a new archer named deed

And we had a blast (and i had a third friend join us for some time but we dont talk about him anymore ok ok)

I dont remember how or when

But i had found an mmo coming soon with a closed beta upcoming

Blade and soul

My first time playing blade and soul.....was awful

I was on yet another laptop that could not handle the game....i gave up at the first world boss area bc i had worn the pvp outfit not knowing it was a pvp outfit (whoops) and was basically stun locked into death by strangers bc my poor computer was too slow to handle it

Despite that i bought the founders pack and walked back into the earthern realm with my blade dancer magmia

Who i promptly disgarded to play with my friend on iksnanun

And seeliewood was born

And the rest they say

Is mostly recorded on this blog for your viewing pleasure

Blade and soul to this day is still one of the best experiences ive had in an mmo despite it all despite the games jank despite it taking me months to actually DO non story content bc i had new friends who dragged me with them besides doing the first two dungeons over ans over bc i was a scared baby of 20something despite the absolutely wild people ive met and friendships lost and stupid things ive said and done and times i got my butt kicked by mushin

Its about my friends still letting me try the scary raid with them after i have an embarrassing meltdown down in front of them and a bunch of strangers

Its sitting down for hours in a dungeon just to talk bc no one is gonna yell at us to get out

Its watching a whole raid stop and watch a rare item vanish bc one of u thinks its the ugliest outfit in the world and she paid us to throw it out

Its roping people in to farm pirate princess or black ice for months until they finally drop

Its not about reaching the best gear to do the newest raid that kills you for looking at it funny

Its about a game that introduced me to my gf @shironuri

And while i have had a lot of other mmos following some lasting longer than others including a third return to tera

Most are short lived

I don't stay as hooked on some mmos or i fall back into my rapid pick up and put down way of playing games in general

Many mmos are shutting down or mobile only or have specs past my nearly 10 year old pc that i do not have the money to replace

I'm back to staying away from socializing and many of my friends have moved on or have no time for these games anymore (or they're all in ff14 which i technically own but.... you know)

So many mmos i played only a few years ago are just gone or out of my computers power to play (id love to try and get pso2 to work again but i only played on jp and that takes a HUGE amount of time to set back up)

On that note i realize there's a lot of games i play that should go on this blog but i just haven't

Like other social sims

Yall want my vrchat screens??? Eh probably not theres like 2 active followers yall probably see this on my main enough

[susandsnell]

Hey--there will be more beautiful days, and you'll even be able to enjoy some of them, hopefully soon. Love you, Coco, I know generic positivity can be grating/feel superficial and insincere and advice can be patronizing, but I'm sorry you're feeling awful and it's the only thing I can think of to try and help. please give yourself some of the grace you afford other people--you are not a failure or defective for being unable to conform to the behavioral expectations of a society that is founded on the relentless exploitation of people and planet at the deliberate expense of community. Who do u want to be? What are the things about life that you enjoy? What art do you want to create and why? You don't have to achieve on anyone else's timeline--that will come when you've found a way to keep living that doesn't consume you with grief and guilt. Who does it serve for you to be miserable? Tearing yourself down at the slightest glimpse of hope bc you're afraid of continuing a pattern of perceived failure is an easy response to fall back on, I've been there, I know how the panic swallows you whole, and breaking yourself out of that tortuous cycle is hard and it sucks but please keep trying--anything that drives those windows of intense self-loathing further apart and shaves them down is a step towards a you that you can and WILL be proud of, even if you can't believe it right now. This might sound stupid but honestly having an idea of what you want your life to look like that you can break up into achievable steps and focus on/prep and strategize for can help with a sense of structure. The practical things you do to stay afloat can be romanticized or modified in ways that make you feel more engaged--music or podcasts or audiobooks while you do laundry and dishes or clean the bathroom, that kind of thing. I think you'd mentioned before that you don't typically have problems keeping up with house chores? If that's still true, could you maybe adopt an older cat? It helps to have something else to take care of and come home to, and it's easier to stop fixating on what you hate about yourself when you have a dumb little animal flopping around in your space. You seem like a very analytically-minded person, maybe give yourself projects that intersect with your passions? Aspirational as well as critical, like what specifically have you internalized from the formative works like Frankenstein and Carmilla or Les Mis or Phantom, and how do they inform the way you think about art as creation, or gender conventions in certain genres and art forms, what techniques and subversions fascinate you, etc, just earnestly dive into what you want to make and see and engage with for yourself. When the day to day becomes easier to manage, you'll have the time space and energy to start forging the community you crave or strengthen the connections you've already made. it'll take some time to get there, but that's okay bc you'll get there. And it'll be worth it.

It's taken me quite some time to answer this because I'm genuinely at a loss for words, this moved me so much. While I do think my inability to conform to societal behavioural expectations without any clue or good reason for being this way, no excuse or sympathetic cause to this dysfunction, is a very fundamental defect, like a part of me I'm supposed to have that everyone does is just missing, while I ache at the thought of timelines and the thought of how much time I've already lost, being partway through my twenties and this far-gone and still having such a long road ahead of me until I can come close to what's come naturally to people far younger - and I desperately want to be some semblance of normal - this lifted my spirits and gave me something to hold onto in ways I cannot begin to express. I'm completely overcome with this, and astounded by the thoroughness, the thought, the attention to details I've mentioned before (in concrete examples that I can work with), and the care and compassion combined with concrete steps I can - and want to - take to get better. That you've seen what a wreck I am and still have such faith I can find better footing - that I haven't fucked it all and it isn't too late for me - is touching and inspiring in more ways than I even know how to express. Thank you. Thank you. A thousand times, thank you.

Love you too, anon. Love you so so so much.

[taegularities]

Rid you're crazyyyyyyyyyyy

just finished cmi11 IM FUCKING CRYING holy shit that was so good oh god

first of all the conversation between oc and her mom made me cry so hard- it hit home for me, as a girlie with mommy issues, that part felt so real to me. Oc's courage to stand up for herself like that and tell her how much she hurt her own daughter is something i dont have in me. It broke my fucking heart, that yearning feeling, i cant believe you put that specific feeling into words rid [are u part of the mommy issues community as well🧐 or are u just that amazing, a true fucking artist (i saw that anon calling you the beyonce of ff and i agree 100%)] idk how to describe my feelings rn, that part definitely left a mark in my heart, ill never forget it

second the domesticity in these two dorks oh my goddddd they're driving me crazy, theyre so cute and in love and im in love with them and i want to cry bc i want what they have but bc irl men suck the hopeless romantic in me is gonna have to live through fanfics for the rest of my life and that makes me fucking miserable but bless the fanfic gods like you that keep my soul alive, idk what id do without you

lastly that scareeeeee oh god like i knew itd be a negative but it had my heart beating out of my ass (idk if thats a phrase) but the way they handled it oh god, the emotionsssssss the fears and insecurities, just reminded me that theyre human, even if theyre the most fucking adorable characters ever, theyre still human and i loved seeing such nuance. You really are doing an amazing job rid, not only writing the story, scenes and dialogue, but also the way you write these characters in such depth, its so fucking refreshing to see.

i want to kiss your beatiful head that holds your beautiful brain, seriously ive never ever been so enchanted by a piece of writing before (and i read so much fanfiction its like an addiction) you are by far my strongest fix. For real tho, your writing, and particularly cmi has touched me deeply and I'll never ever forget it. So thank you

Rest assured and stop doubting yourself bc youre seriously incredible and so fucking talented. Now rest up and take care of yourself, i imagine its not easy to birth such work (i mean 36k you monster, i loved every second of it but damn girl take a break before you burn your brain out) but no srsly i hope youre eating well, sleeping well and doing things that make you happy and relaxed. You deserve all the best of this world rid🫂🩷

sincerely ~ 🐼✒️anon

panda hi hello oh my gosh, sorry for being late, but you mentioned so many important things, so i wanted to take my time HELLO!! never stop sending these lovely af reviews 🥺

i know... she really is inspiring bc the courage to stand up against someone you feared for so long is admirable. i'm part of both the mommy and daddy issues community even though it's gotten a lot better lol like i wonder why it's such a recurring theme in my fics 🤣 i'm so sorry you could relate to oc :( but i'm glad you liked the scene so much.

and ahhh the domesticity 🤧 it's been so so fun and relaxing to write!! real life romance can be hard to find, yeah :') so i guess writing these scenes and chapters has been extra cathartic (although it drives me crazy, too — the next chapter has been making me so jejfhdjjsgd), but here's to finding a cmi jk irl soon :') much more to come!!!🕯️

the scare was one hell of a ride 🥺 i cried a lot!! and even i have been realising lately that i sometimes try to make my characters flawless, but that's actually not what i wanna go for. i always snap out of it and then try to make them flawed bc they're human, and i think the cmi couple, despite how endearing they are, is definitely vv flawed :') thank you for pointing that out 🥺

your strongest fix?? girl PLEASE ILL CRY 😭💔 i love you so much, you're so sweet for saying that and seeing me in such a way, pls i want you here forever <3 i rested a lot after cmi11! but ngl, cmi11.5 almost burned me out ksjdhehd gonna rest even more after that hehe. tyssssm, i hope you're well and healthy and i appreciate you so much for your kindness, reassurances and love for this series/me. love you so much 🤍

[bedazzlecunt]

wren, i know this is a somewhat personal question but have you ever felt unsafe or uncomfy when you went out all bimboesque? i'm a little scared of real life repercussions bc yes, while i do fantasize abt strangers taking advantage, i wouldn't want that to become a real, dangerous situation oof i hope u know what i mean. do you keep safe somehow? i'm sorry if this is too personal

omg no it's not too personal, and honestly i'm really grateful you asked. obviously this is a kink blog and i'm talking a lot about fantasy and fun and etc, but i really also love an excuse to talk seriously about it, especially since so much of the tumblr nsft community doesnt

the answer is yes, unfortunately. i'm lucky in that i live in a major city, where alt fashions are more common and turn less heads; it's not new york or anything, but i get way less shit than i did when i lived in Small Town USA. and it's a fucking shame that i sometimes feel like i have to compromise my style because men (and some non-men, but it's mostly men) can't behave. getting oggled or taken advantage of is sooo hot in theory, but in reality, that shit's just scary.

the thing is tho — at least in the major city i live in — i have gotten catcalled and whooped at nearly as much in long little house on the prairie style dresses as i have in miniskirts. the last time a man followed me anyplace i was in a knee-length selkie dress; not exactly the picture of sexy. this isn't to say that concerns about dressing too slutty aren't fair, but i want to emphasize that this shit is about men and their desire to punish folks who exist outside the 'appropriate' flavors of gender expression. it is not your fault or your clothe's fault if someone harasses, whether you're wearing a maxi dress with a high collar or god's shortest skirt. that's on the freak harassing you.

you have to navigate to what extent you're comfortable, and to what extent you're willing to compromise your style to avoid discomfort and stay safe. this is true of almost any alt-fashion, unfortunately. i'm extremely confident in myself and my style and hard to upset, so men catcalling or whatever neither bothers or scares me, but i still take some steps. i only go out in extra slutty fits when i'm with friends because i know men won't be as weird to me if i'm not alone, i stick to heavily populated areas when i am alone, and while i love to flirt and act ditzy and etc, if anybody starts crossing lines or getting too close, i abscond immediately. i also don't flirt with folks at bus stops or the like due to the risk that we'll then be stuck on a bus together and they'll know where my stop is and etc.

and like, this sucks! it fucking blows that i have to do this. but any person, especially fem ppl, who doesn't dress in a 'normal' way will have to navigate this until men learn to be normal. like i said, though; i turn more heads in a bimbo look, but in terms of actual harassment or shit, that often happens regardless of what i'm wearing, and i've luckily never been attacked or assaulted by a stranger. i wish i had a more coherent answer for you; something where i could say 'if you do xyz you'll be safe for sure' but that just doesn't exist. freaks will be freaks no matter how you look

this all being said — i will say that i get far more positive responses (particularly from women, lol) when i go out dressed to the slutty nines than i do negative, and overall it's fun and rewarding and a joy, or i wouldn't keep doing it. i get far more compliments than i do bad vibes, and i feel good. i don't want this answer to scare anyone out of a style they sincerely like. if you're just getting into it, just err on the side of caution at first while you feel out how your community reacts, and you can go from there.

[xumoonhao]

when i say this i mean this with as much disgust and vitriol as i can possibly muster up, but kpop stans who care abt whether idols are dating someone are genuinely the most rancid bitches you could ever have the misfortune of knowing. like oh my GOD there is something Legitimately wrong with u if you devote time and effort into finding out whether its true or not, going so far as to seeing if u can find the person, looking up things abt their personal life (which is creepy enough if theyre a semi-public figure but if theyre just somebody random??? u need to be hit by a bus im sorry but there is literally no saving you), and obsessing to the point that youre practically making a fucking conspiracy chart over it. you are a sick person. like if youre like this u need to fucking take a good look at yourself in the mirror and question whether or not you are proud of yourself. like honestly, consider yourself telling someone that you do shit like this. imagine you bring this up to a family member, or a friend, or anyone else in your life you trust; imagine telling them youve stalked someone (or multiple people) online bc you suspect theyre dating an idol you like. can you imagine how odd they would think that is? how strange??? theyd be right. youre a complete fucking weirdo. god.

and like…the worst part abt it is idols arent doing anything wrong if they date someone. if they werent famous, theyd probably have a partner anyways!!! someone theyre dating, or married to, or they might even - gasp - have a family with someone, but they cant (or do it in secret) bc theyre scared or bc their company is stopping them or for w/e other reason they have to hide bc theres unhinged ppl out there who think theyre entitled to live under the fantasy that their idols are free for them to fantasize abt. but its just that; a fantasy. theyre not going to fall for you; they dont even know you, specifically, exist. youre a fan to them. you listen to their music, you watch their videos, you buy the products they advertise. you are a consumer to their brand; they are not your friend, or your confidant, or your lover. but beyond that, theyre a human. love isnt a luxury in this world; its something everyone should be allowed to experience, but some of yall seem to have gotten it in your heads that idols exist solely for your consumption and to be a vessel to push your unrealistic fantasies on, and its sick. youre sick. if you dont respect or like an idol anymore bc theyre dating someone (or even just RUMOURED) to be dating someone, i dont know what to say except get help. idols are people and theyre allowed to date whoever they want, and they should be allowed to do that without having to fear repercussions. i dont know why this has ever been an issue bc its literally not the business of any fans, but some ppl are just so entitled.

[nonclassyparty]

and the san part 😭😭😭 it's all what yn could do for san but what can san do for yn? love sometimes just isn't enough

Well I assume what yn can do for san is love him whatever he does, and what he can do is at least get to know her? give it a go? see what they can be? ofc if he can't then he can't, he doesn't owe her love & can't be forced but he should at least grant her the possibility as all he's been doing is saying no with no explanation. he's been judging her for so long

tho his kinda guys quickly get swallowed by their pride and just bc homegirl is rich they'll have this inferiority complex and make everything a problem. what if her parents disown her or she decides to go make a life of her own, which will make her financially san's equal, what then?

& what can mingi do for yn? what can yunho? what can any guy? a relationship goes both ways and being there is already giving. but legit question bc I'm curious, what in your eyes can the other guys give?

I think I should get a diary instead of making your ask page my brain dump place hahaha

the worst thing you can possibly do for san is love him no matter what he does bc he said it himself in the teaser (and we'll learn so much more about him in the next chapter) he is selfish and he will use that love to his advantage bc he knows she'll always take him back/forgive him. and san is san, he'll fuck up and he'll hurt people and he'll hate himself but he still won't stop doing what he knows is wrong because some cycles are simply too much work to break and hating yourself is easier. this does not make him a bad person (please however reads this do NOT come into my askbox dragging him😭 idk why im so weirdly defensive over him, probably bc im the one who created his character but also bc i usually dont think people like that are bad people just really sad people)

he doesn't dislike that yn is rich, he feels like yn is ungrateful.

and what can mingi and yunho (still cant believe im even counting him in this it rly came out of nowhere) can do for yn is show her what it means to be loved. they dont struggle with the concept of it, i'll use yunho for example bc he's barely mentioned in the story so far but yn already managed to figure out that he's not scared of commitment, dating, even knows the type of girl he usually goes for etc etc (altho the way yn explains it in the first chapter sounds rly bad but thats bc its her perspective of him which isnt exactly good at the moment). and all this sounds like im saying u shouldnt date people with baggage or something and thats not what i mean at all bc yn has a ton of baggage as well so i just keep wondering how can two people with so much baggage and who are confused about love as much as they are know how to love each other and for it to be healthy? who is going to show who what is the right way you should love someone or how they deserve to be treated or that theres no reason to be scared if they're both scared??

like i genuinely keep going back and forth these days bc i had one ending for the series but recently i've been thinking about another one and i keep trying to figure out how to give yn a happy, healthy relationship with any of these three guys and for it to still stay true to all of their characters even after 2-3 years of a time skip and some very much needed growth..

also i totally don't mind these thought dumps in my inbox bc it really got me thinking a lot 😭❤️

[ya-jirushi]

Tsurune Audio Drama: A Shot of Color 6 Shiragiku-san goes to Karaoke

I was happy we have an audio drama with the girls just hanging out after their focus ep but I didn't ask for all this schoolwork... Notes: - Yuuna's talking about how when the big plate of fried chicken comes out and everyone races to get pieces they like - Just in case it's unclear she means letting people stay to study in the lib instead of just borrowing the books - The three notes that come after are all kiiind of related but ngl there's no good way to put this in eng bc they're related to irregular verb conjugations in jp grammar: ari ori haberi ima so kari (あ��おりはべりいまそかり/ 在り居り侍り在そがり) is a mnemonic ppl use to remember the verb conjugations for verbs that end in ru in old jp the words themselves are all variations of 'to be', na ni nu nuru nure ne is for verbs ending in nu, and ka ki ku kuru kore koyo are for the verb kuru

Noa: This… This is… It’s the so-called ‘karaoke room’! Yuuna: Aren’t you a bit too impressed at it? Rika: Eh? Is it your first time at somewhere like this? Yuuna: No way… Noa Why, yes it is! The first time in my life! Yuuna: Noa-chan, last time you said it was your first time eating okonomiyaki too, didn’t you? Noa: Okonomiyaki! That was wonderful too! The spicy sweet and sour taste of the sauce, the dancing bonito flakes, and the soft and delicate– Yuuna: Yes, yes, that’s enough of the okonomiyaki hymn. For now, why don’t we get our textbooks out? Noa: U-Um… I hear that food and drinks are brought to you automatically at karaoke places, is that true? Rika: Calling it ‘automatic’ isn’t exactly accurate, but if you go and order from that phone over there an employee brings it for you. Noa: What ground-breaking service! Yuuna: I’ve always thought this, but… just how detached from reality is your household, Noa-chan? Do you possibly not know about the fried chicken scramble* either? Noa: Why would it become a scramble? When it could all be placed and separated properly when served… Rika: Do they not bring out the food on big plates at your house, Noa? Noa: Did I say something odd? Yuuna: Nope, just about as we expected~ Rike: Well, our agenda for today is to study for exams, isn’t it? Let’s get started. Yuuna: It’d be nice if the school would just keep the library open… I mean, really, all they do is let us borrow books at a time like this?* Rika: If they did that it’d be filled with people having study meets like we are. Noa: Though as a result of that, I was able to learn about the world of the ‘karaoke room’, the future is truly unpredictable. Yuuna: What an optimist! I’ll take a page from your book~ Rika: Alright, alright, back to studying, guys. Yuuna: Yes, ma’am~ Yuuna:You’re good at english, right Seo? Rika: I guess, but that’s ‘cuz I like it. I want to work somewhere where I can use english in the future. Yuuna: You’ve thought that far ahead? Rika: It’s more like a dream, like wanting to study abroad or wondering how I could become an interpreter. Yuuna: That’s so cool, Seo, it suits you! Being good at both kyudo and english, you’re amazing! Rika: Really? Hearing you say that boosts my confidence. Yuuna: Ehh? Wait, wait, that’s just ‘cuz I’m only at the level where the difference between transitive and intransitive verbs or present perfect and present perfect progressive tense are just things I go “That looks good, let’s just leave it!” though. Rika: Increasing your grammar skills and vocabulary are the keys to improvement. Yuuna: I mean, I know that– Noa: Ari, ori, haberi, ima so kari!* Yuuna: Eh, what are we talking about? What? Noa: Na ni nu nure nure ne!* Yuuna: W-Wait, Noa-chan, stop~! Noa: Ka ki ku kuru kure koyo!* Yuuna: The english I worked so hard to remember is going to leave my brain! Rika: Noa, if you keep practicing irregular conjugation instead we’re gonna start charging you. Noa: Eh? That’s…a joke, right? Rika: …Is it? Yuuna: It’s really not a good idea to do that outside of study meets and karaoke, there’ll be an optional fee. Noa: Is that true…? My apologies. It’s just that, I felt a bit envious when you and Seo-san started talking about the future, so I just… Yuuna: Kidding~ Noa: Huh? Yuuna: There’s no such thing. Rika: I think it’d be good if you learned a bit more about this stuff, Noa. Yuuna: What did you want to do in future, Noa-chan? C’mon, tell us~ Noa: I… I think I’ll probably do what my parents choose for me. Yuuna: Eh? In this day and age? Noa: Yes. Although I do have things I’d personally like to do, I’m still a part of my family lineage so I think it’s natural to consider what my parents would want. Yuuna: I see… Rika: But it’s not like you’re doing it against your will, right? Yuuna: Have you thought it over for sure? Noa: Well, yes, I have. Rika: It’s all the more that you should learn about the world around you. You have to try and find what the best solution might be. Yuuna: Now those are words to live by! Rika: It’s nothing grand, it’s a reminder to myself too. Noa: I understand. I’ll put even more effort into my studies as well. Yuuna: Me too~ Noa: But first, as this is a rare opportunity… I’d like to learn the ways of karaoke!

[elaichoi]

PLSDJJIDS I WAS THE OPPOSITE like i didnt wanna pay money but also like i had to have it to reach my fullest potential 👹👹👺

yes exactly i burnt out big time OTL cheers to being *less* mentally ill in the near future ^3^

that's totally understandable,, from the way i see it a majority of the asian population that goes by undiagnosed is v large,, and i'm not basing this off of any actual studies though i know there are some out there- but rather just the role culture (at least in most east asian cultures is as far as i'm qualified to speak for lol) plays in mental health makes diagnosis and treatment,, idk and just going by undiagnosed makes me sad that there are ppl who think this is the norm and that it's something you are expected to get over bc it's something "everyone goes thru" :( i very much relate on the front of gaslighting urself/being gaslit into thinking u just can't handle struggles that "everyone else manages to manage well" n that rlly sucks im sorry beb </3

DAMN LOL we r on the same boat on the same river 🥲 my little tiny snowball also started out w family problems and oh my god my mental health has come out of its hiding >o< i remember my counselor describing it as an unvented pressure cooker lmao

don't answer if you don't wanna, but do you still feel that way in the sense of repressing ur emotions? like refusing to acknowledge it ? i think i was like that for a small period of time but now im like the complete opposite which is like half miserable half not lmfaoo i will forever be the biggest advocate for anyone getting therapy even if u think u don't need it,,, but!! i also know its a big step and may not be accessible for some :<

no yeah cus i feel so gross and overwhelmed and like not in control of things and so ill start spiraling if i dont get up and take a shower ^_^

not throwing pity confetti in your face, just as someone who can relate at least in some ways, big kudos to u for having so much patience to put up w everything bc it must b very hard not to lose ur marbles all the time,,,, standing w u solider 🫡

OH TRUE I FORGOT AB THAT UGH BARF i remember ig always fucked up my video quality saur bad even after rendering n shit T_T

aaa goodluck bae<3 hehe yeah i always rlly want to after seeing so many pretty edits jdksdkf i might i might we shall see :>

STOPITNFSISD I WISH I COULD INSERT A REACTION PIC BC UR RIZZ GAME I HAVE NO WORDS HAHSDJJJ

mental health is such a fuck up like it's like a ticking bomb the way it can go off at any point of life and the urge to ghost everyone, im so ashamed fr

yeah like most of asian countries i feel like. in our culture mental health is seen as something that is seen interjected with "adulting" like when you grow up you're supposed to feel like this and it's your duty to like make peace with it and if you try to seek help for it your family members kinda take it like a failure like you couldnt even deal with this? there's just a whole lot of stigma surrounding it and on top of that, therapy not being that widely available in south asia is a huge problem.

bro pressure cooker, im glad to know you're actually very up front with your feelings now. it's always better than bottling them up, at least you don't feel like a stranger to yourself either, my issues make me feel like an imposter within myself like it's hard to distinguish between things that I feel like I'm making up and the other things that's fucking me up.

YOU ARE SO NICE I AM WITH YOU TOO MY SOLDIER ILY!!!!

lmao ngl I was like those scenario and concept editors right I would have continued to edit bc my edits were like THSIE most beautiful scenes in kpop mvs but I stopped bc the resolution was ASSS THAT TOO WHITE ASSS!!!!!

OMG i wonder how i rizzed u up 😩😩😩😩

[transpat]

we weren't shown a lot of how pran was after the separation and so all we talk about is pat turned cold and harsh without pran in his orbit but i think pran's reaction after the kiss was the most telling of how he suffered during that period.

anyone else would be elated their crush of years liked them back but that incident became such a deeply seated trauma for him, his immediate response was to push pat away. he didn't think that they could lie, like he always has, that they could pretend, like they've always had to, that they could hide. he's such a thoughtful, rational person, he keeps his wits about him even when they run away, but in that moment where pat tries to change the natural of their relationship again, he doesn't think he runs away.

bc they've done this before. they tried being smth other than rivals, smth more than strangers. they tried to be just friends. and they were so violently separated. his mother reacted so drastically to him simply sharing a stage w pat. what if she caught him kissing pat just then? what if she noticed the meaning behind their shared gaze? what if found out pat loved him, what then? he lost pat once, he couldn't do it again, especially not now that he knew pat liked him.

i'd say he thought pushing him away would be better bc at least pat would remain in his life even if it was at distance. thou tbh i doubt he was thinking at all. when he ran from pat he wasn't thinking. when pat was banging at his door his thoughts were racing, incoherent strings of memories and emotions. when pat tried talking to him the next day, when pat came to his house, when he gave his guitar away, he wasn't thinking. he was on autopilot, the scar from three years ago reopened and all he was doing was trying to staunch the bleeding. the wound on his heart said: if u let him any closer, u'll lose him forever. and all pran was doing was tending to it, pushing pat as far as he could so he wouldn't have to lose him.

then pat wouldn't give up and followed him all the way to the beachside. there, removed from his mother and having had time to stop the bleeding, pran's head started to clear. there, alone w pat, he finally had space to breathe, to think. after he's pushed pat w all his might, after he's ignored him pretending pat was this insignificant little thing, after he's hurt pat as much as he's hurting, and pat still hadn't given up on him, pran slows down. the autopilot is shutdown, unrequired when he's alone w this boy, he slows down and finally thinks.

that's what u see him do during their impromptu date. bit-by-bit, pran is shedding his guard. bc last night he used his mightiest weapon, he drove it into pat's chest as deep as he possibly could, he thought now pat will give up, now pat will hate him, now things will go back to normal. but pat pops up again the next morning, unrelenting, unfaltering, unchanged. and pran's so relieved he loosens up subconsciously.

then he realizes that he can't do that either. he can't make pat hate him, bc that too would be losing pat forever. he can't take a step forward and its too late to go back, so he calculates his chances and lets pat in little by little. still scared of taking a plunge, still hesitant of rushing into a 'doomed' relationship, he instead uncovers the window to his soul. lets pat see. that he's not indifferent, that he's hurting as much as he hurt him, that he's just scared, petrified. pat understands what this is about and asks him if he hates him for the transfer. pran who knows how frightening the notion of pat hating him is to him says he was only angry.

after that pran continues to let him in, lets pat amble closer. they return back to their previous dynamic, but pran also lets him see he too is disappointed they didn't get to room together. pat obv knew who was the reason he didn't get beat up by the architecture gang that night. and when pat grabbed his arm, pran stayed w him.

now that he was thinking he had his doubts. how true pat's feelings were, how deeply they ran, what about ink? pat answered the former two w his actions and the latter w his words. he offered the bet, and now that pran was thinking he understood what this was about. understood what this meant for pat. for someone who always gets things done immediately to wait for pran, to offer him safe ground pran could back out of anytime, to hold back the confession he's clearly dying to spit. pran understands what it all means, erases any lingering doubts he had about pat's feelings. he needs what pat's offering rn so he takes it, but when finally takes a leap and changes the relationship, pran doesn't look back once.