#bc of course i would be worried abt it cuz it's change

[infiniteorangethethird]

Every time I see a description of autistics and their routines, esp ones aimed to make allistics understand better, I feel like my experiences as an actually autistic person are completely misrepresented by it. And it's entirely possible that it's just me always finding posts that weren't meant for me specifically, but I've never found anyone talk abt autistic routines and be like "yep, that's me, that's how routines feel to me".

It sometimes feels like that even the most well-meaning of posts or articles or whatever boil down to the idea that, at the end of the day, an autistic person's routine doesn't serve any "real" purpose. That routines are just what we got used to over time, and as such they bring us familiarity and comfort, but beyond that familiarity and comfort they are senseless and pointless. That you should respect an autistic person's routine (so long as it's not harming anyone) - despite it being obviously nonsense.

And to be clear, I don't think there's anything wrong with routines "just" for the sake of familiarity and comfort, and I do agree that you should respect ppl's boundaries even if they don't make sense to you. This isn't the problem. My issue is that every time I take a look at my own routines, I could take each and every part of it and tell you exactly what specific purpose it serves and why it cannot be removed without serious negative consequences.

For example. I tend to eat at the same times every day, because my body sucks at telling me properly when I'm hungry and sticking to time instead of bodily sensations allows me to ensure I eat properly. I always go through my morning routine the same way because "morning routine" is a lot easier to remember than remembering each and every element of getting ready, individually, every morning. I take the same route to work every time because paying attention to my surroundings is extremely taxing, and walking the familiar path lets me turn off my mind and let my instincts instead of conscious decisions direct me.

And this perspective changes why I might be upset about changes in routine as well. It's not just upsetting because it's unfamiliar and scary, it's upsetting because the consequences can be downright painful. If I don't eat on time I might forget to eat at all and could end up in a too-hungry-to-eat spiral that can take days to escape. If my morning routine is messed with I am almost certain to forget at least one step of it, which, depending on the step, can mess with my entire rest of the day (for instance, forgetting to pack my bottle and not being able to drink as a result).

So much of the advice I see floating around regarding these routines seems to be of the belief that they don't actually stem from anything besides habit, and as such the negative reaction to deviation from these routines is purely emotional (and irrational). Even in the better cases that don't just outright dismiss this emotional reaction as something to be ignored, there's still this undertone that the emotional reaction can be culled and autistic ppl can be taught how to be more adaptable and how to let go of these routines, by showing them how to handle the emotional reaction better.

And while I don't necessarily think this is bad advice (it can be really helpful esp as an autistic person to figure out ways to step outside your already rather small comfort zone, so advice like this is actually greatly appreciated), but I really wish there was more acknowledgement of routines that are based on more physical and practical stuff and can't be changed with determination and patience alone. That sometimes the emotional reaction is completely rational and justified, and that some routines can't really be changed without facing some incredibly negative consequences.

[1moreff-creator]

hii!! so idk if you saw, but i recently posted a theory abt how xander and eden were survivors from a previous killing game.

you’re super cool and smart so i was wondering what you thought of it lol

(this sounds like free promo for my theory but i promise it isn’t)

(i just want opinions on it bc i can’t tell if i did a good job or not)

Hey there! Yeah, I saw it, and I think it’s a pretty good theory! I enjoyed reading it, your writing style is fun. Below are my full thoughts on it. For anyone else, please read the original first, this is going to be incomprehensible otherwise.

Also don’t worry about looking like you’re “promoting” your theory. It’s Tumblr, no one gains anything here, we all just lose. What would you even use the promotion for lol.

Also also you people have gotta stop giving me so many compliments it’s feeding my god complex /j

CW: Violence and blood, death, Danganronpa V3 Spoilers

[Background]

Admittedly, I don’t know how literally connected V3 is supposed to be to this whole situation, given the difference in the settings and the like. Especially since Teruko’s only mentioned remembering “that other killing game”, implying she doesn’t know about the 50 others despite vaguely knowing about the THH one. However, it is perfectly valid to bring up V3 as a meta point (which I think is what you’re doing?); the idea exists, so DRDTdev could have certainly taken it for DRDT. In any case, it sure is an interesting premise!

[The Survivors]

[Xander Matthews]

“[Post]: he has the personality for self-sacrifice.” True!

[For the sake of clarity, I refer to this scene as “the pre-prologue scene”, given that we see it before the Prologue title card appears]

““Them” could be the other people in the killing game. [...]

And, most of all, he says that he has to end the killing game. How the hell would he end a killing game without having been in one? (don’t answer that)”

I mean, solid reasoning! The idea that Xander was actively in a killing game while this scene happened has been thrown around, such as in my “original killing game” theory that we don’t talk about ‘cuz it was insane, because it’s a pretty reasonable conclusion to draw from the dialogue, as you said. For a while now I’ve sorta assumed that Xander was speaking of ending the killing game before it began, but there’s both semantic arguments to argue your theory and that one. The way Xander speaks in pre-prologue seems to imply the killing game is already underway, which is a point to you, but the secret David received mentions “The killing game is all your fault,” potentially implying there’s only ever been one modern killing game (“modern” as in, after THH). I think the idea of Xander actively being in a killing game in pre-prologue is stronger, though, I’m only bringing this up to account for all possibilities.

And “them” could be whoever so :p

[Xander Picture]

“When was this?

Why would he be in the same outfit, while having both eyes?

It makes sense if he was in a previous killing game, doesn't it?”

Well I mean. It could be. It could also just be from the time the cast (or most of it at least) was in the same Hope’s Peak class. Keep in mind all the outfits the characters were using at the start of the prologue are the same as the outfits they first went to Hope’s Peak with, as otherwise they’d have pointed out that their clothes changed between the moment they “lost consciousness” (the last moment of their memories, which is going to Hope’s Peak) and their appearance in the killing game place.

So, I propose that, seeing as it originated from LGI, this image could just be the first time David actually met Xander in person, or some other notable memory between the two of them. Of course, I have no evidence for this as much as there’s no great evidence for your take either. Basically I’m just saying this isn’t a very strong point in my books, but it’s not like I know any better than you what’s going on here :v

[Eden Tobisa]

“First of all, there’s the similarities between her handwriting and the handwriting of the note that Xander received. [...]

The T’s are the same, the E’s are the same, the A’s are the same. Don’t deny that it’s a strong, and the most likely, possibility.”

Uh… I don’t agree :v

I’ll give you the i’s and maybe the capital T’s, but I think the e’s and the a’s are too different for me to really consider it a possibility. It’s hard to explain this, so I’ll try to make some Paint diagrams to exaggerate the differences to get my point across.

-The T’s are pretty similar, but Eden’s have a slight curve towards the bottom, which the other note’s T’s seem to lack. In the diagram, you’ll find the recreation of Eden’s letters to the left, and the recreation of the “kill Teruko” note’s letters on the right.

-The e’s in Eden’s handwriting have a circular head, while the other note’s is almost triangular.

-Similarly, Eden’s a’s are a bit more circular than the note’s, which are sharper and triangular.

This all leads me to believe that the dev explicitly used different fonts for the two (assuming they dev used a text writing tool and didn’t draw the notes by hand, which I feel is a reasonable assumption). When coupled with the fact that Eden could potentially have been defending Teruko in pre-prologue (unless there’s more context we’re missing, Xander wanted to kill Teruko & Eden attacked Xander -> Eden didn’t want Teruko to die), I don’t think Eden wrote that note. Sorry :v

[Eden CG]

Now this is evidence of Eden being in the same killing game as Xander (of course, assuming Xander even was in a killing game in pre-prologue in the first place, which is as of yet unconfirmed). The CG itself heavily implies Xander and Eden were in the same place when the whole eye-fork situation happened, being that Eden is the person who hurt Xander before the pre-prologue scene (pre-pre-prologue?). If that happened in a killing game, then clearly, Eden was there!

“Why would the two of them have images of their past selves wearing the exact same outfits?

Oh, wait a second.

In V3, we see Rantaro’s past self. He was wearing the same outfit that he did in the killing game. And he was a member of a past game too.

And it’s not like we haven’t seen them in other outfits. Xander has been seen in another outfit in his bonus episode.”

I mean. As I mentioned, the characters probably just frequent these outfits, given they were wearing them when they first went to Hope’s Peak. The Eden thing is a bit more notable because, unlike Xander’s which could just be from any point of Hope’s Peak time, that image has to be from the pre-prologue situation. But the idea that she was wearing that because it’s just an outfit she wears often isn’t too far fetched to me. This isn’t a point against your theory, I just don’t personally find the outfits to be the most convincing point of evidence for it.

[Eden’s secret]

“Why is this secret so mundane? (At least in comparison to the others)

Wouldn’t it make more sense to say something about what she did to Xander?

Of course, that could just be because they didn’t want her to know about something she did during the missing year.

But it could also be because it happened during the last killing game.

That one’s a stretch but I just thought I’d put it out there.”

Well, you recognize it’s a stretch, and I agree. If Eden doesn’t remember the Xander thing, then the secret which would be most effective for her would be something different, and apparently she doesn’t really have many serious secrets outside of her sexuality. Keep in mind these secrets don’t necessarily have to be the worst thing the person in question did, as stated by Veronika in 2-13.

“Why specifically these two?

Dev didn’t have to post the colored picture of Xander.

It’s clearly important.

Same for Eden.”

Also not a point for Xander imo. Dev posts a lot of stuff that isn’t necessarily important, such as the Veronico Christmas comic or the “long hair style” images. That is to say, dev posting it isn’t sufficient evidence of something’s importance, you gotta find something important in the content itself to claim that.

And even if the image is important, it could be important in a different way. There is the whole “why does someone turn their back on who they’re talking to” caption or whatever, which could for example be trying to draw a connection between David and Xander in this scene and Mai and Teruko in the 1-6 dream sequence, among other interpretations.

But that’s Xander. I will agree with you that the Eden one is important because it appears in the main series and has a clear connection to the pre-prologue, though.

“Why would he say this?

Unless he knew Teruko in the past, of course.

My guess is that Teruko was named the mastermind during his game. Whether or not she actually appeared, who knows. But she was to blame (supposedly) (to his knowledge) for the killing game. And apparently, killer her would do something important.

This ties in to the note that told Xander to kill Teruko as well!”

I would actually argue that Xander in the pre-prologue doesn’t think Teruko is the mastermind, because “ending the killing game” and “killing Teruko” are two separate goals. If you assume that killing the mastermind ends the killing game (which is a fair assumption I think), and Xander believes Teruko is the mastermind, then what he says is “I have to end the killing game. And even if I can’t do that, I have to end the killing game a different way.” Doesn’t really track does it?

But “ending the killing game” and “killing Teruko” do seem to be aligned goals, at least, so it makes sense to think that Xander believed she had some sort of involvement in it, which is sufficient for your theory I think. Of course, this is very speculative, we don’t know a lot about why exactly Xander wanted to kill the girl.

Btw, what is Teruko’s deal in your theory? Is she another “sacrifice”, a recycled mastermind or traitor of some kind, or someone who was known to the participants of the previous killing game but didn’t participate until the one seen in DRDT? I feel like that ended up a bit unclear lol.

“Who do we think were the survivors of their game?

My first guess was maybe a couple of the AltDRDT characters, but I’m not sure.”

I mean yeah, there’s kinda no one else we can really point to lol. As you said, it’s a guess, so I’m not gonna bother you about the lack of evidence, but yeah. That is a lot of survivors, though, so I’m gonna guess that if this theory is right, the survivors of the old killing game are other people who are probably unknown as of yet.

Overall, a really neat read, and a fun theory! Pretty plausible, too, at least the idea of the pre-prologue killing game and Xander and Eden (and Teruko?) being in it. I disagreed on some points, but that’s only natural with highly speculative things like this. I thought the post itself was well written with a pretty unique style, easy to understand (even if I feel some points could have used a bit more elaboration, but that might just be me), so there’s that. Hope this was enough, thanks for the ask!

[natsmagi]

maybe a weird question but ive been wondering this for a while and i kinda wanna hear ur opinion, would u still consider it hetbending if i headcanon natsume as a trans man and tsmg as a trans woman and ship them like this? cuz those are my hcs and sometimes i wonder if its like problematic?? Like id get it if ppl didnt agree with my headcanons thats just differing opinions of course, and thats fine, but im scared bc i dont wanna like, turn gay ships straight and stuff? Either way i hc both of them as bi, but still :( im worried im doing something bad fhfhgjdh sry if this makes u uncomfortable to answer?? I just wanna hear opinions abt this? I truly dont wanna hurt anyone!!

waaa ur fine no worries!! i dont mind answering questions like these at all!!

i guess its sorta nuanced? i suppose by definition it would be considered hetbending, esp if one has an altered appearance to suit the assigned gender. but then theres also the headcanon aspect of it. since it is a headcanon that would make these genders be how you view the characters in their source, rather than altering them for ur own silly amusement

since these things are so nuanced i personally tend to tackle it from a portrayal point of view. Have i altered these characters to make one look like a man and the other a woman? if so, id say it should be tagged and considered as hetbend even if both or one party is trans and their sexualities are bisexual, because the point of tags such as "hetbend" or "genderbend" are so people who dont wish to see their favorite characters altered in these ways dont have to see it. these tags are used out of courtesy! Now, if you've taken the characters and headcanon one as a man and the other a woman but there have been no altercations and they look the exact same except for some pronouns and maybe some clothes change then id say it doesnt need the hetbend tag, as clothes do not have a gender and you can go by whichever pronouns you want while being a gender that said pronouns arent commonly applied to

Basically; if the appearances are altered it should be tagged accordingly out of care and consideration for those who dont wish to see that sort of thing for whatever reason. i dont get why people act like theres some morality thing at stake for tagging things like genderbend? trans or cis, the character looks different now which may be upsetting to some, so tag it!!! we're all just here to have fun!!!!

i also want to say enjoying or creating "hetbends" does not make you a bad person nor are you erasing queer rep, especially if you are keeping their queerness!! the original characters will remain the same no matter how much we may alter their gender and appearances in our niche circles, and there will always be a VAST majority of people representing the canon, so really theres no need to worry about wishing to indulge in the things that make you happy. none of us wish to hurt people with what we create!! and that is the REASON its tagged accordingly to begin with. So again; if you feel you have altered the characters to a point where some may be uncomfortable PLEASE tag it. and if there are things that make YOU uncomfortable PLEASE MUTE IT!! we tag things FOR YOU!!!!

[tchouameninga]

https://www.tumblr.com/tchouameninga/768493240168185856/random-question-but-whats-ur-fav-mascara-if-u

I don’t even have a skincare routine cus I have acne and sensitive skin and literally everything makes my skin worse. Makes me wanna kms :/

ok sooo. full looooooooooooooooooooooong response under the cut cuz i dont wanna bother other ppl w skincare & makeup lol. personally i love it but i get its not for everyone 😭

when i was younger from about 13 to 18 years old i suffered reaaaaally bad acne. like it covered my entire face, refer below

this is before and after (i dont have a better photo of when i was younger lol. i think i was abt 13 in the before photo, and i’m 22 now. so almost 9 yrs apart). its not the best skin itw but it’s improved so much. barely get any acne, and if i do it’s during the time of my period. some scarring still, but i’m working on that even til now

tried to conceal my identity best i could lol

idk how old u are but if u’re below 18, don’t worry too much abt it bc it’s mostly just puberty!! trust me. also for context my skin type is dry AND oily AND acne prone so it’s literally the worst 😭

i used to be scared of skincare and makeup too cuz obviously u see how bad it was (and it wasnt even my worst phase, i just dont have pics unfortunately).

but then if you invest on good makeup in the higher end, obviously if you have the funds- make up is not a necessity-, they’re not bad for your skin. you just need to find the right one (e.g. water-based or silicone-based). but what’s important is to MOISTURISE AND HYDRATE!!! even with oily skin, u have to do so no matter what

for skincare i do recommend doing a lot of research!!! i was too scared / disheartened to do so, but luckily my mum was attentive enough to do so for me. what i recommend is laser treatments. it’s life changing, believe me. my skin cleared up after about a year of consistent laser treatments. DONT do facials if u have acne prone skin. worst decision you could make

and of course visiting the dermatologist would help but having a good routine is sooo important as well. cleansing is the most important part. before bed, cleanse even if u’ve been at home all day. after makeup, double cleanse. in the morning, cleanse again!!

hyaluronic acid for the serum is good, but it’s not an acne treatment on its own. and then niacinamide acid for the acne scars. hyaluronic acid for night, niacinamide for the morning

you should talk to an expert abt this because it’s quite a harsh product, but RETINOL for me helped so much too!! it treats acne, creates collagen (for skin cells) and good for hyperpigmentation. but retinol should only be used at night cuz its not good w sunlight

and then after this tie it up with a scent free moisturiser (also choose based on ur skin type) and then some sort of oil to lock everything in. but if u have really oily skin skip this step

FINALLY what’s MOST MOST MOST important is sunscreen. like i cannot emphasise this enough. even with a UV level of 1, use sunscreen. please

ok i lied what’s actually MOST IMPORTANT is the food that u eat. stop eating oily stuff, stop eating fried food, avoid nuts and dairy. consume lots of veggies and fruits for antioxidation (idk if its a word or not lol)

for makeup i use armani luminous silk (foundation), dior forever skin (concealer), charlotte tilbury filmstar bronze & glow (highlighter and bronzer), charlotte tilbury airbrush (primer & setting spray), diorshow browstyler (brows). then a bunch of lipsticks. for lashes i use extensions lol cuz my situation is hopeless

my skincare routine is 90% la roche posay (serum, retinol & moisturiser). masqmai beauty elixir (oil to tie everything up), and then if you want lips i use laneige

disclaimer i’m not a dermatologist lol i don’t have a degree or anything, i do LAW ffs 😭 but i have done so much research and everything is based on my personal experience and it has done wonders for me and my skin. again i’m not saying my skin is the clearest, but my god it’s improved so much and it’s such a long journey but it DID. my only credentials is my friends go to me for skincare and makeup advice 💀

i hope you found this helpful and not condescending at all like i’m aware i’m not some victoria secret angel but yea 😭 pls dont hesitate to ask me any more questions abt these things

[zai-doodles]

OK OK this is my last question for real this time, I say with complete confidence

I just… MAN you really sold me on platonic Nalu!!! Would you please give a poor, desperate soul (me) some of your platonic Nalu headcanons? Or even just one is fine, I know writing all of these up must be tiring lol

bestie im literally having a blast stop apologizing im kissing u so platonically ily

ONTO THE NALU HCS

i actually have a bunch of stuff written for them so imma just throw it here

Natsu is so fucking acearo its not even funny They're besties, natsu would protect lucy with his life and lucy would do the same but its platonic i swear guys- Lucy is the first NEW person natsu gets close to after lisanna, bc this boy is so tired of having ppl taken from him without his fucking say so Like idk natsu works so hard to be strong enough to protect his family and then his dad and childhood best friend disappear without a trace when he's not even around to help?? Boy thinks he's cursed I fully believe that Natsu would rarely leave gray and erza's side as kids bc he was worried he close his eyes and they'd just be gone It gets SO much worse after lisanna dies

Idk the actual age when this happens in canon but im saying he was probably like 11 and had known lis since he was like 4 Erza and gray r also really shaken by her death but the thing that really fucks with them is how it changes natsu bc if u thought these 3 were codependent before oh boy All this to say that lucy was like, an exception, and its probably why erza and gray were so quick to be like yes shes great bc they were more just excited and kinda relieved natsu made a fucking friend without them or the guild involved I think his job was taking longer than he wanted, and he was growing really frustrated and impatient with the fact he hadn't found anything abt igneel and happy was trying to cheer him up but in my mind when natsu's bummed he's bummed he meets lucy and she's just so nice But its also that shes also kinda fucking weird and natsu just latches onto that bc to him weird is normal and comfortable and it makes him bounce back and idk it goes kinda similar to how it goes in canon without natsu and happy being weirdly antagonistic and Lucy isnt as put off by how bat shit crazy natsu is bc she just finds it fun and like a breath of fresh air Like lucy grew up in such a suffocating proper environment, so when she meets natsu and his fucking crazyness shes like omg finally my life is so boring Lucy is genuinely looking for excitement and adventure so of course she goes with natsu to join fairy tail And I think it takes natsu aback how ready she is to go with him but i think in his mind because she wasn’t deterred by his “quriks” like most ppl he was immediately like new family fuck yea Bc idk that's just how his mind works bc subconsciously i think natsu knows he is difficult or weird so he's learned to latch onto the people who don't mind that abt him and that's just so happened to,, only be ppl who had to put up with him in fairy tail Not to mention a part of him probably believes it's his fault that igneel left in that kid way where u just feel like everything is ur fault oop Also also i think that lucy literally has no frame of reference for like, a normal healthy friendship, so she kinda just takes natsu's lead and oh boy is that a mistake Like after lucy joins the guild natsu is just CONSTANTLY hanging around her the way he did with erza and gray when they were kids and lucy, again having little to no sense of how friends work, just kinda lets him and gets use to it, she actually really enjoys having that sort of attention bc idk she's never really experienced having someone WANT to be around her just cuz, like the closest thing she had to friends were her servants who were literally obligated to be around her all the time and any “friends” her age she had were forced to hang out with her bc of her family I think Gray and Erza start to worry a bit that if Natsu is too overbearing he’ll end up pushing lucy away bc they're all under the assumption that lucy is a normal person with normal boundaries and a normal childhood So they pull natsu aside like hey bestie maybe don't growl at people when they look at her she might think ur mean and stop wanting to hang out with u Bc they KNOW how natsu is and they dont mind but they're also 2 traumatized orphans who don't have a normal frame of reference for how other ppl work, but unlike natsu they usually air on the side of caution It kinda eats at natsu a bit and he tries to give lucy her space especially if she gets even a little annoyed with him Lucy starts to notice but doesn't say anything bc she just figures he's probably bored with her bc she genuinely believes she's just painfully uninteresting in every way And then she gets kidnapped And natsu loses his fucking mind :D Bc for fuck sake this boy can NOT have a friend without them being taken from him High key it goes like, the same as canon bc i like how that went But the AFTERMATH Oh fucking boy Natsu literally doesn't leave her side This is where, i think, Natsu starts breaking into lucy's apartment lol Its treated as comedic but there's an underlying tension where natsu is just extremely hesitant to leave ever or even let lucy leave And that's when lucy starts to be like aight this cant continue Not in a mean way in just a, idk how to function if i can't be alone ever and it lowkey brings memories of her childhood which is also bad bc natsu isn't her keeper nor should he be And that's not what natsu is TRYING to do he's literally just so scared that if he blinks wrong shell disappear they figure it out tho bc they r friends and UGH i just wanT them to talk and cuddle platonically bc UGH I LOVE THEMMM

[hanazuma-inactive]

ok thank you sm !! i requested a ftm player (who only ukai and sensei knows is trans) on karasuno and one day someone sees his binder or a sports bra or something and asks the team “wait- is y/n a girl?” ukai overhears and tells him what the rest of the team was talking abt so reader comes out to everyone pretty much on the spot and lowkey cries bc everyones accepting. srry its long and v self-indulgent but thx again ☺️

never alone (sfw special), karasuno x platonic ftm!reader

pronouns: he/him (FEMALE ORIENTED DNI!!)

warnings: mentions of slight panic, briefest mention of pre transitioning and transphobic doubts but it's a good ending :)

a/n: sfw special cuz i forgot to do this on my acc and i dont wanna go on that mess again! :), sorry if this was a bit short and diverted a little bit! i had quite a hard time writing this i hope it doesn't offend anyone. please keep in mind this is a sfw special! the rest of my acc is nsfw, so if you do not like the potential content please dni!

_____

you came out to coach ukai and takeda sensei a while ago. since you wanted to join the boys volleyball team you thought it was necessary to tell them about your condition. they were more than happy that you trusted them enough to come out to them but they did give you some fair warnings about joining the team. you accepted the difficulties you might face and after that you were an official member of the karasuno boys volleyball team.

everything worked out pretty well, the two introduced you to the team and they welcomed you. however, you asked the coaches to not tell your teammates about your situation and they respected your request and kept it a secret.

your time in the volleyball team really went smoothly. you became good friends with everyone and they all liked you a lot as a new addition to the team. however, one day after practice you accidentally let your secret slip.

while changing, you usually change in a private stall so that the boys wouldn't see you. but this time, you accidentally left the stall door open when you went to the washroom before changing. there it was, your binder sitting on the bench for everyone to see. and noya just so happened to have walked by the stall to see the it.

"hmm? is that a…"

noya got the idea of what it was and quickly came to the conclusion of you being pre-transition. good thing he didn't say anything right there and then but instead walked away and acted like he saw nothing. he played everything off as normal until everyone else left to ask the coaches about it. he wasn't weirded out by it of course but merely surprised. surprised by the fact you had the courage to do something that he knows he himself might not have been able to do if he was in your shoes.

the coaches told him the truth for now and asked him to keep it a secret as well, and from the looks of everyone the next day it looks like he kept it pretty well. after practice, ukai and takeda sensei pulled you aside to talk about something with you.

"hey y/n, we need to tell you something if it's alright?" takeda said kindly.

"of course coach, what's up?"

ukai and takeda took turns briefly explaining what happened. you were a little shocked when you first heard and your heart began to race. it was getting harder and harder to calm down, gaining the information that someone now knows your secret that you weren't ready to tell yet.

"y/n please calm down! it's alright, there's nothing to worry about. i know what you're thinking about. the reactions of your teammates might not be positive and all the things that follow. but we promise, the boys aren't like that. you've been with them for a while now, you know how they are. they would never be someone to say anything or do anything bad because of this, alright? so please, calm down for now." takeda said with a smile on his face, placing his hand gently on your shoulder.

"sensei is right, your teammates aren't people like that, they're very accepting friends. take a look at nishinoya for example. you know how much of a loud mouth he usually is, but this time, even he knows how important this is to you and kept his mouth shut. so c'mon, why don't we give it a shot? don't worry, we're here with you." coach ukai followed up with.

your heartbeat began to slow down and the oxygen returned back to your brain. considering the situation right now and how everyone is here there really isn't a way around it. you were going to tell them anyway but you just didn't expect it to be now. on the brightside, this way with your coaches supporting you on the side it'll be easier to come out. so that was it, you decided to come out to your team right here on the spot.

"hey everyone!" you yelled across the gym, grabbing everyone's attention. "i have something to say! if you guys don't mind gathering around for a bit?"

heads poked out of the change room. daichi came out of the supply room, and the others gradually gathered around you. all of the eyes were placed on you and despite it being a lot of pressure it was something you had to do. your tongue stopped working for a bit, unable to speak. the coaches saw this and jumped in to help you out.

"guys, y/n has something to say, please accept him and hear him out first!" ukai said with takeda aggressively nodding on the side.

everyone calmed down and waited for an answer to come out of your mouth.

"alright, i just wanted to say that i'm trans! i go by he/him and i hope that all of you can accept that!"

all went silent for a bit except for the two adults behind you. takeda practically tearing up being so proud of you, and ukai trying to calm him down.

the other began to speak.

"yah of course! why wouldn't we, good for you y/n i'm glad you can come out to us." daichi said.

"yah what the captain said! we accept you for who you are. why wouldn't we after all? your our friend and we care about you. the last thing we would want to do is to make you uncomfortable." suga followed up with a grin on his face, leaning on daichi's shoulder.

"yah yah me too, we accepted you and i think it's great for you to trust us enough to come out to us." asahi said nervously but it did calm you down a bit.

"oi oi! us too! us second years accept you for who you are. and you tell me if anyone doesn't alright? noya and i will make sure to teach them a lesson." tanaka said, punching his fists together.

"exactly! y/n you had no idea how nervous i was yesterday but i'm glad oi-"

"what tanaka meant to say was we will correct them if anyone tries or disrespects you." ennoshita said, cutting off noya.

you giggled a little in response, glad the second and third years have such a positive response to this. during this entire time hinata's eyes were lit up because this was the first time anyone has ever come out to him. yamaguchi try to calm him down to not overwhelm you. when tsukki was trying his gosh darn best to explain to kageyama what you were trying to say.

"that's great y/n! don't worry, kageyama and i don't fully grasp the idea of it yet but we'll try our best to remember it!" hinata said, giving you a thumbs up and giggling a little.

"same with tsukki and i! we'll remember it don't worry! and if anyone messes up we'll correct them as well!"

tsukki nodded along with yamaguchi, agreeing with him. same with kageyama after 5 minutes of explaining. you know that tsukki didn't look enthusiastic about it but deep down his is happy for you.

"thank you guys so much… you have no idea how much this means to me. i'll never forget this day, thank you all again." you said with tears slowly streaming down your face.

"alright now! no crying, this is supposed to be something happy! everyone group hug!" ukai proposed.

everyone in the gym gathered together and formed a huge hug, laughter filling the room, with fears and doubts leaving your mind forever.

[whiteteadreams]

HELLO MY DEAR. I CAN'T BELIEVE I ONLY FINISHED READING 《SMELLING LIKE ROSES》NOW AODKDMFKEKEMSMSKDDK IT'S A FUCKING. FUCKING. FUCKING. MASTERPIECEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE I HAVE ONLY READ ONE WORK OF YOURS AND I ALREADY KNOW YOU'RE ONE OF MY ABSOLUTE FAV FANFIC WRITERS IN MY ENTIRE FANGIRL LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!! THANK YOU FOR WRITING FOR NCT 😭😭💚💚💚 AND ESPECIALLY JENO CUZ HE'S MY FAV MEMBER TO FANTASISE ABOUT 😭😭💚💚💚💚💚💚💚 i usually skip threesome bc my peasized brain can't handle so many people (above 2 ppl 😭) at once and i'd lost track as to what everyone's doing at that time but when i read the sneak peek of your fic i just knew that i HAD to read this story and im SO glad that i did 😭😭❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ it corporated so many of my fav (kinky😍🙈 & FLUFF) elements i will absolutely be coming back to this fic so many times (when i like something, ill just keep going back at it so pls don't be surprised if you see me screaming about this fic again in the future 😭😭). also, i absolutely dig innocent as well 😭 why are you so good at it!!! and oh gosh the fluff 😭🤍🤍🤍🤍i can't express my gratitude enough ㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠ please write more for jeno in the future ㅠㅠ you're an absolute goddess ㅠㅠ♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

also, this was my immediate reaction when i read this part wieksksksk -

Jaemin only thought Jeno wanted to fuck you, and to be fair, Jeno did, he really, really wanted to fuck you, but he also wanted you. Just you in general, he wanted you the same way Jaemin had you. Even though Jaemin knew him better than anyone else, Jeno would make sure that Jaemin never knew the extent of his want for you.

OMG HE WANTS HIS BEST FRIEND'S GIRL??? SIDJSKSKSK DID HIS WANT STEM OUTTA COMPETITIVE JEALOUSY? would he have wanted her, or as badly, if she wasn't jaemin's? ㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠ

he's so bad omg ㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠ but luckily he decided not to ruin anything good between this couple ㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠ on any given day, im usually team jeno but here i had to side with jaemin 😠😠😠 whoever is nice to the girl wins my heart!! 😠😠💗💗💗💗💗

also did jeno & jaemin agree on what jeno wouldn't do to her? (like no penetration or lips-on-lips kissing during 🙈) i honestly feared that jaemin would let him use her however he wanted but luckily he didn't!! 🥺🥺🤍🤍🤍🤍

im so sorry for this lengthy ask & reblog, i like this story with all my heart ㅠㅠㅠㅠ♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

OML THANK YOU SM FOR THIS!! I'm so flattered and Jeno is one of my favorite members too! I actually read threesomes and gangbangs often bc I like the chaos of them bit I get worried when writing them that I'm going to forget about someone/leave them out. I'm so glad you liked the fluff, in the beginning of coming up with the idea, it was supposed to be barely any fluff, but I just count help myself, and ended up writing a whole relationship. I look forward to your future notes and comments!

I have two fics now with the whole innocent reader theme and I was worried that they were going to be too similar and boring once they were compared, but I'd like to think they're different enough. And I have a couple jeno fics in the works now! Although, I'm not sure when they'll make it out.

I didn't go into detailed abt why Jeno wanted her but I think some of it had to be because he was jealous of Jaemin, and he kind of only wanted her bc of Jaemin bc if Jaemin didn't have her, Jeno wouldn't know her so I think the forbidden aspect of it definitely egged the feelings on.

Jeno didn't want to step in and ruin the relationship, but he wouldn't of said no if she changed her mind and wanted him instead. He was trying to make himself seem better than Jaemin in hopes of winning you over.

They might've said something while they were planning the whole thing but another option was that Jeno was trying to show her how much she wanted him without even doing much (if that makes sense). Of course Jaemin wasn't going to willingly let Jeno have his way with his girl tho.

And no worries! I enjoyed reading the ask and responding to it. I'm really happy you liked the fic and felt the need to reach out, I really appreciate it!

[dog-teeth]

Hey!! Ik you're not a medical professional obviously, but from your point of view how did you make the decision to start taking t? I'm worried abt the male pattern baldness, potential health side effects, and the idea that my body will become too masc in places I dont want and I wont be able to go back- but I still feel like I want to take the risk bc I do Not want to stay in my body as is lmao. Did you ever feel smt similar and how did you navigate the changes happening when you started t, if you dont mind my asking?

yeah, i felt pretty much all of that, except for the health side effects cuz i was 18 and didnt give a shit (also its v low-risk all things considered). firstly, you can ask your doctor to prescribe you an anti-hair loss drug, i take a super small dose of finasteride bc at my first check-up after starting hrt i told them i noticed my hairline had changed a little bit (def not noticable to anyone but me but i was worried).

i would say to specifically consider what you mean by 'too masc in places' like which changes in particular you don't want, and weigh how important it is to you. personally i was extremely afraid of bottom growth and didn't want more body hair bc i already had a lot, but both things ended up being chill (mfs are Obsessed with my happy trail lmfao every time i post a photo w my tummy in it i get bisexuals thirsting in my notes).

i was actually super worried before- and when i first started- taking hrt, i was afraid of doing "irreparable damage" to my body. i ultimately decided that i wanted to take the leap, even if i still had doubts about it. i was afraid of hating my body or making a mistake and damaging it, but realized that i already hated my body and had made many mistakes damaging it (self harm, drugs, shitty stick n pokes, etc). i realized that if i ended up hating my body because of hrt, i would come to terms with it as it happened, just like i had to come to terms with my body not matching my gender, and just like i had to come to terms with my visible scars, but i couldn't not take T because i was afraid of the possibility.

ultimately my advice is take as much time as you need, do a ton of research, and if u have any friends who take hrt, talk to them about it; i def wouldn't have started T when i did if it hadn't been for one of my best friends who started E a while before, which made hrt seem much more real and feasible to me.

as for how i navigated the changes when i started, idk! it was a wild fucken ride! puberty 2! my body was goin thru some shit! it was awesome and hilarious and weird. i took about a million recordings of my voice, and sweated through all my clothes, and tore thru snacks like a monster, and felt emotions differently, and it was all very exciting and strange. you kinda just gotta let it happen and enjoy the ride. also you can start with a small dose so that it isn't so hectic and sudden! i started with the largest dose they would start me on which was good for me but not for everyone of course.

i'm really glad i made the choice i did, and i hope you figure out what's right for you too!!

[theloveinc]

this is v v random and you dont have to answer if you dont want to bc it IS personal, but i wanted to ask abt ur experience on wellbutrin? in terms of like, getting energy or feeling tired, sleepy? im worried about it making me sleepy/tired/brain fog (im 26 n BUSY as heck) again, dont have to answer at all, just asking bc i know youre quite open n honest on stuff so i thought id give it a shot and ask about your experience n like. ur pros & cons if thats okay. anyways thank u lub u legend bye <3

🥺Legend, of course u can ask!! I'm probably not the best choice, given I've only been on it since early June (and some people, much longer)... but honestly, in terms of brain fog and sleep... I have had almost literally NO issues and am all positive reviews here (...kinda).

One of the reasons I was prescribed it actually was for excessive sleepiness and brain fog (I get horrible, horrible brain fog normally and I have for years.)... and even though the results have been somewhat inconsistent since I've switched dosages like three times (and was off for a bit), literally it's helped SOOOOO much.

Obviously, people's reactions are going to be different, a moot (who I can tag but don't want to like... expose)(edit: @ace-of-books in the replies of this post!!!) on here told me Wellbutrin actually keeps her awake to the point where she needs mild sedatives to sleep... but I've honestly found I have no trouble actually going to sleep once I actually decide to (I like to use my phone in bed so I partially blame some sleep issues on that, but... you know) and waking up has gotten way, WAY easier.

(Also, with my new dosage, I take it twice a day and it's the NON-time release pills, and I've noticed that actually I haven't been as tired getting into bed usually... but someone told me this would go away once I fully adjusted AND I didn't have that problem on the time released capsules I took initially. Also it could just be that I've been taking a lot of naps at 8pm LMAOOO AND it doesn't actually bother me since the brain fog has been very reduced! *skips and jumps and claps feet together like a little leprechaun*🤩🤩🤩)

So yeah. More issues with... not being able to sleep than with being sleepy in the daytime. Thought when I was taking my more concentrated dose, if I had caffeine with it, things would get a little WoOoOooooOOOOooo funny🤡!!! at first.

As for cons... it's so funny because when I switched dosages the first time, I was like "omg these pills suck they stopped working after like, a month..." THAT WAS NOT TRUE LMAOOO. I HAD JUST GOTTEN USED TO THEM, and when I moved on to a higher dosage (150mg once a day to 150 TWICE a day🥶😨😱), I literally went insane (crying over mild inconveniences IN PUBLIC. I could think too hard and I would cry. Keep me awake over anxiety literally non-stop type insane).

And then, when I subsequently stopped taking them and it faded(?) from my system, it became very clear I actually was... worse off without them and I was extremely happy to go back on

I could always get used to it again, but right now I feel GREAT and literally kind of spring out of bed when I need to be up. No more lazing about waiting for my mind to work, it just does for the most part.

(Though I do get tired in the day because my schedule is awful, and also still crave sleeping a lot when I am in bed, it's just when I do wake + get up the adjustment period from sleepy time to being awake is almost... instant. So that, I would say, is fantastic).

ANYWHOOOO, this is kind of a long-winded answer that I answered sort of... backwards (talking about lack of sleep vs. excessive sleep), but... my experience has been so positive, even despite the dosage changes and the fact that it obviously hasn't cured my depression entirely. I just haven't had any issues with it making me tired at all, and it's FIXED my brainfog, which I guess is the answer to your question!

BUT, and I'm just gonna say this for legal reasons cuz I'm sure you already know, talk to your doctor/a medical professional first before making any decisions! Don't base taking it entirely off of ME because I also know people who experienced nothing positive on Wellbutrin at all. Not me, tho. But that can be common.

Thanks for reading this all (and being sooo sweet I lub you too + am kissing you), if you did! And no worries if you didn't, but good luck with whatever ends up happening!💕💕💕

[helliontherapscallion]

omg pls share the story abt the lecture from that girl’s dad (only if u feel like it) but seriously ppl it’s not that hard to put a mask on to help the spread of a virus. just wear it, it keeps u safe. and for the ppl who don’t care then just wait til it affects u, bcs covid isn’t a game. I just wish ppl were more serious abt it

Ok so sit down and buckle up kiddos and grab some snacks bc this is a helluva ride

Little background info: I have been a section leader for both my junior and senior years now. When the new freshmen came in my first year of being section leader I was hyped as hell. And then this new freshman whips out a lighter and lights it WHILE WE’RE INSIDE THE SCHOOL MIGHT I ADD with a straight face looking off into the distance before we ask her to put it away. She also always has a pocket knife on her that we found on the ground during band camp. I’ll call her POS. 

I tried to like POS I really did, but then she turned out to be a bigoted racist asshole (she also drinks deer blood straight from the corpse and simps over jeffery dahmer so even more red flags). It was extremely hard for me to treat her like I did with the other people in my section, but I managed to treat her the same as the other people and avoided her for the most part (thank god she wasn’t in my subsection I would’ve actually gone insane)

Flash forward to this year. Covid was hitting full force and we had to quarantine for the first two months of our season setting us back by a lot. She was wishywashy about rejoining but as the most senior leader of my section my band director was on my ass about getting a straight answer from her and fast. So I kinda had to force her to give me an answer (which she told me she was doing it quickly which leads me to think she already knew she was doing it) so she already was going into the season hating my guts

When we finally had an in person rehearsal for the first time, she wasn’t wearing a mask so when I asked her where it was she looked at me like I was the dumbass and said in a matter-of-fact tone “it’s in my pocket” and pointed to the confederate flag bandana hanging out of her pocket. Those four words told me that this season was going to be a fuckin long one with her. I just deadpanned (she couldn’t see it tho bc mask, sunglasses, and floppy hat blocking my entire face) and said “I’d rather it be on your face. (band director and marching instructor’s names) will have my ass if they see you not wearing one.” She rolls her eyes and puts it on (at least it was over her nose)

A few months go by with me telling her constantly to put on a mask bc I am responsible for my section and I’d be damned if one of them got sick bc of one idiot being stupid that I could prevent. She is getting madder and madder with each passing rehearsal. 

Band camp rolls around and it changed from 5 13 hour days to 15 3 hour ones and I am already done with her bs. We get our dots and I mentally groan bc she’s next to me for the vast majority of the show. She is between me (an asthmatic) and my close friend (vvv immunocompromised and also hates her, I’ll call her S) so now I’m more worried about covid going around the section. It was in this time that I find out that at least 5 other people out of 20 also have pre existing conditions that make them susceptible. So now I make it even more my mission to make her wear a mask. 

It was in the middle of band camp when she is yet again not wearing a mask (we were just marching without instruments) and I turn to her and as kindly as possible (it was the second time that day) asked her to put on her mask. She once again rolls her eyes and says “ya know, (band director) walked past me 3 times and hasn’t said shit, so I think I’m gonna listen to him and not you.” S and another friend of mine looks over in shock cuz she just talked back to me. They were about to say something but I wove them off. POS wants to fuck with me? Fine. I’ll just go full force with this. She wants petty?? I’ll give her petty, I’ve been holding off all season. 

So I’m marching there for the next twenty minutes quietly seething and counting more aggressively. She’s getting annoyed, but I pull the section leader card and tell her that she needs to be counting as loud as I am bc her feet was lowkey off time. After we break off for a gush and go (very short water break), I go straight to my band director and use my limited water break to tell him what she told me. He apologizes and says that he thought she was just taking a breather. He tells her to put on a mask and she does so and glares at me the rest of the rehearsal. 

She blocks me on all social media and I obviously clown on her in private with the other section leader (he’s more of a pacifist and never really told her to wear a mask which kinda pissed me off but I understood) until she makes a passing comment to my other friend about using the knife she kept in her boot. Now he tells me cuz he’s a good friend and I’m shitting myself at that point bc holy shit I might get shanked. 

I think about telling the band director but I realize that there’s no proof of her saying this and she could easily get out of this so it’s kinda pointless to tell anyone. Plus if she did shank me, she’d get into so much trouble and I’d be laughing at her from my grave/hospital bed. 

Many rehearsals go by and she still refuses to wear a mask so after one rehearsal S and I went to the band director and reminded him about our conditions and told him about how we were worried for our safety (I also told him abotu the other vulunerable ppl in the section) and he says he’s gonna do something. Next rehearsal he gives POS a warning and she begrudgingly wears a mask for the rest of the rehearsal. The next rehearsal rolls by and she isn’t wearing a mask (again) and he sends her home. Major victory for S and I.

The next sectional tho was something I wasn’t expecting. I get there like 10 minutes before it starts like I usually do in a good mood. I get out of my car and go to grab my stuff when a massive white truck with a busted muffler pulls up into the parking space next to me with a cloud of black smoke. The window rolls down and reveals POS’s dad and POS herself in the passanger seat. 

Of course I’m thinking that this is the day I die and start mentally preparing to yell for help to my other section members 100 feet away on the field already.

Mans starts to lecture me saying things like “it’s unhealthy to wear a mask outside bc it’s like a pitri dish under there. 6th grade science!” (I am not joking or overexaggerating with this, he actually said that). I really wanted to say “well, 7th grade science says otherwise, but you wouldn’t know that bc I’m sure you didn’t pass 6th grade, but go off ig” but I didn’t bc I didn’t want to get shanked or disappear randomly. I just tell him that I am only doing what my band director told me to do and that there are tons of people (myself included) that can really get hurt from just being in contact with covid. He says that’s bullshit and tries to tell me that I’m an idiot before I cut him off by telling him once again that I am just trying to protect my section and that the sectional was going to start soon so I didn’t have the time for this. I walk away leaving him trying to keep talking to me and soon enough POS gets out of the car and follows me to the field giving me a smug smile on her unmasked face before she puts it on when she sees the other section leader stroll up. 

Lemme paint the picture for you: this guy (a 6′something burly guy in his 50′s that I know has like two felonies under his belt) pulls up next to me (a 5′2 17 year old ball of anxiety that drives a small yellow car) and starts to borderline yell at me. Traumatizing. I was shaking for the rest of the sectional and I spent the rest of the season looking over my shoulder looking for the glint of a knife swingin at me

Now I’m pretty sure she’s suspended bc she was caught with a knife on school property and she wore a confederate t-shirt to school, but I would be lying if I said I don’t still look over my shoulder or speed up when I drive past her house lmao

[hwanhee]

hi!! so I’ve been wanting to get more into up10tion for a while now, but I’ve never known how to go about it. I’ve listened to most of their title tracks (i think lol?) (I actually checked out attention bc of the caption on your blog and it changed my life not even lying) but I’m not sure where to begin with bsides, so do you have any up10tion bsides that you would recommend? also if you know of any good content to help get to know them more I’d appreciate that too, but no worries if not! thank you🤗❤️

OMG HII!!! 💛💛💛 Okay I have to say I respect you immensely for actually clicking the link in my description and I’m glad it changed ur life cuz attention is THAT song and deserved 3 daesangs at least. and of COURSE i have recs and content if you’ve seen my blog you already know wtf it is. Under a cut to spare normal people

OKAY first things first list of title tracks in case: So Dangerous / Catch Me! / Attention / White Night / Runner / Going Crazy / So Beautiful / Tonight / Candyland / Blue Rose / Your Gravity / Light (Japanese: ID / Wild Love / Chaser)

FIRST THINGS FIRST: SUNYOUL’S DEFYING GRAVITY COVER <3

B-sides I LOOOOVE:

Phoenix

Never Ending

Stuck on You (Written by day6!)

Target On

Magic

Beautiful

Destiny (Has an “MV”)

Just Like That

Restore

call me

dream you

Big Wave (jpn)

The World is Waiting (jpn)

Lose Myself (jpn)

I feel like liking up10tion should come w a disclaimer which is that it will only cause you immense pain <3 idk if u know but Jinhoo (leader & oldest) is currently enlisted for god knows what reason & Wooseok & Jinhyuk are currently solo artists bc topmed is evil so we are running on up7tion in the present.

I have a few other posts w content links in them I can link here! I’m a big vlive person so I hope you also are cuz that’s what most of my recs are!

This post / this post 

This will definitely be content overload but if u have questions or wanna talk abt it just send me an ask xoxo <3 if you follow me for long enough the vibes of the men will just be beamed into your brain by my annoying posts

Please tell me who ur bias ends up being!! 🥺🥺💛💛

[sporesgalaxy]

WOE. MY SHITTY PERSONAL EXPRESSION/TONE NOTES BE UPON YE.

also hi partly doing this bc it looks like it will take a loooong time to draw and ive gotten several questions abt the au that this would just instantly answer

•••

?: [distantly] Philip?

?: [closer] Philip!

?: Philip Wittebane!!!

P: [weirded out cuz hes in the middle of the woods] What in the--

C: Philip!!! It's SO good to see you again!!!

P: Er, excuse me miss, but do I...know you?

C: !

C: Come on, now, Philip. I thought for sure that the King of the Witch Hunters would recognize the Dread Witch Beezelbella!

---

P: ...

C: [smiling]

[Philip bolts]

C: Wh- Philip!

[Circe catches up to Philip on her staff]

P: GAH!!

C: What are you running away for?!

P: I'm running because you're some sort of cruel illusion!

P: Sent to-- to torment me, or tempt me to forfeit my soul to the devil!

P: Well it WON'T WORK, so-- [weird rebuke-y hand gesture] BEGONE!

C: [confused] ...

P: [waves hand a bit more] Shoo!

--

C: But why would you think that I--?

C: [REALIZES SHE IS LEVITATING] Ah!!! Er...

C: [getting off staff, embarrassed] I meant to save that for later.

P: Oh, did you?!

C: Ah, don't be like that! It's harmless! [looks at staff, holds it behind back and smiles apologetically] Well, I'd never dream of hurting you, anyhow!

P: [mentally calculating] ...Is that so.

C: [beams] Of course!

P: [less defensive body language, but still clearly a little wary] Hm.

--

C: Ah! Right! Allow me to re-introduce myself!

C: [giddy/nervous] You may have noticed that I look a bit different!

P: [raises an eyebrow, interest] Indeed.

C: [trying to bulldoze through it] Don't worry! Hardly anything's changed! I'm just happier being your sister! Not too complicated, right?

P: I...suppose not--

C: Spectacular!!

C: So, you'll call me Ci-- [eye contact w Flapjack. Shoves FJ into coat] ...just C.C. is fine for now! [smiles] Probably easier and, er...good for an Adjustment Period! [sweating]

P: [mostly just baffled] ...C.C.

C: You've got it! And none of the old name, pretty please? [before Philip can reply] Great!

C: Now, with all THAT out of the way: It's YOUR turn! Tell me everything! How are you?! What's happened while I was gone? Tell me all about what you've been up to!

--

P: Oh. Er...

P: I'm...doing very well. I... ["thinks", bringing a finger to his chin a little too theatrically]

P: ...Goodness, so much has changed, I'm not even sure where to start!

P: Perhaps you could just visit the house with me and see what's changed for yourself? [grabs her arm and gently tugs]

C: [Withdraws, very nervous] Oh, no no no, I reeeaaallly shouldn't go into town.

C: You of all people should know how they are about--!

C: ...

C: [Squints]

P: ...Is something the matter?

C: [Squints harder]

C: It's been a long time, but I haven't COMPLETELY forgotten what it sounds like when you're LYING, Philip.

P: >:| ...

C: >:[ ...

C: You're still hung up on witchcraft, aren't you?

P: ...I have no idea what you're talking about.

C: UUGGGHHHH.

C: Look, I know magic is going to be a lot for you to take in, but it's really not so bad!

P: [MAIDENLESS STARE]

--

C: See, as it turns out, you DON'T have to sell your soul!

P: [false neutrality] Is that so?

C: [frustrated] I'm not lying! It's true! I could prove it to you!

C: Well, I guess I can't PROVE that I still have a soul. Not that I know of. [to herself] I wonder if there's a spell for that...

P: [still falsely neutral] Perhaps you ought to go enlighten the entire town to the existence of this fascinating *benign sorcery*.

C: You're making fun of me. >:T

P: Nonsense. If you can prove that it's harmless, then why wouldn't you prove it to everybody, hm? It'd sure make our lives a lot easier...

C: Philip.

P: Why, no one would have to do chores ever again.

C: Philip!

P: Maybe we could all be in one big witch's coven together.

C: Philip, STOP!

---

C: I'm not here to waste my time on them!

C: I'm not even here to talk about magic!

C: I'm here to see *you*! It's been far too long, and I--

P: [pinches bridge of nose] Oh, I can't endure to this.

P: [looking back up] Frankly, I'm embarassed for you. You're just blatantly telling me whatever I want to hear!

C: ...I am? Even...me being a woman?

P: Oh, what do I care?! I'd give anything to see you again, regardless!

C:  :-) !!

P: ...EXCEPT MY IMMORTAL SOUL, OF COURSE!!!!! SO. GOOD DAY, MADAM. [starts walking off]

C: wait Philip!

---

C: Don't go! It's really me!

C: Please! I just want to talk!

P: [turns around angrily] Just how gullible do you think I am?!

P: Where in the world could have you been, that you could vanish without a trace, for years,

P: [facetious] I suppose you could have dropped by to chat whenever you wanted in the last seven years??

P: and then-- reappear out of thin air, to TALK?

C: [guilty] Well...I mean, technically...

P: [outraged] What?!

C: Now, hold on--

P: Then where have you *been??!!!*

C: I wanted to visit, Philip! But I couldn't-- I couldn't just-- it's complicated!

----

P: So you just LEFT me here to assume you were DEAD???

C: Wait--

P: I spent YEARS trying to hunt down that witch--

[Circe grimacing/wincing rxn shot]

P: [Pacing & gesticulating wildly] YEARS hopelessly wondering what might've become of you!!!!!

C: I was--!

P: I WASTED all that time searching for answers, when you could have just TOLD ME!!??

C: Please--!

P: I suppose you were too busy learning WITCHCRAFT in-- in-- WITCH-LAND!!

---

P: ... [catching his breath]

P: [manic] Hah!!! I suppose I should be thanking you!!

P: Now I needn't worry about this [motions to her] being too good to be TRUE!!!!

C: ... 😟

P: For you appear after I finally thought I'd given *up.*

P: [buries his face in his hands for a moment, then drops them, looking defeated]

P: ...What a cruel joke.

[He turns and walks away for a few steps]

[Circe has run up, and grabs his arm to stop him]

----

C: I'm so sorry, Philip.

C: But...

C: I do care. I did want to tell you.

[she squeezes, then lets go of his arm]

[Philip tuns around, looking desperately lonely, but then seems to think better of it and steps back, out of her reach, body language defensive]

[She looks down. Philip is still.]

C: I honestly...

C: [breath out] I thought you'd be better off here without me.

P: [genuine shock] *What...?*

---

C: [bittersweet amusement, shrug] I was the one always getting us into trouble.

C: I was supposed to be this great achiever just because I was the eldest, but...

C: ...you were *actually* smart! You could accomplish anything you put your mind to!

[Philip cringes slightly]

C: I was certain that the only thing stopping you from achieving *really* great things was...

C: ...me.

C: [sighs, sits on a log]

---

C: I'm only just starting to understand how...reductive I was being.

C: I told myself that leaving was a sacrifice I could make to give both of us everything we wanted.

C: ...But that was just an excuse. To avoid thinking about *all* of the consequences.

C: [serious. looks into Philips eyes] I *don't* regret leaving--

[Philip looks like hes about to say something angrily]

C: --but I regret leaving *you*.

[the anger leaves him]

C: [over img of philip unangry] More than anything.

C: [looks into the woods] ...I'm still not sure how to make it up to you.

----

C: [looks a bit guilty] If you'd rather I do leave, though, I--

P: [sudden, desperate] Come home.

P: [looks shocked that he blurted that out]

C: [wide eyed. that was the last thing she expected him to say, too]

C: [sadly] Philip...

C: You know that I can't.

P: Why can't you?? If-- if witchcraft really doesn't cost you your soul, then-- couldn't you just...stop?

C: [serious] It isn't about magic.

C: If I'd never used a drop of magic in my life, my days would still be numbered here.

P: That's--! No. No! After everything you did to make a place for us here, you don't really think they would...just...throw you out?

C: [fiddles with her skirt, thinking of how to word this]

----

C: They would. That's why I was so afraid of this place.

P: [concern, confusion]

C: I wouldn't have said anything to you-- I was supposed to be the tough one. Looking out for you. [rueful amusement] I couldn't be *scared.*

C: But the older I got, the more terrified I was.

C: I would be judged unfit to even exist, for not...

C: No matter how hard I tried...I knew that someday, I would make one too many mistakes.

C: [as if it puts a bad taste in her mouth] being who I was told to be flawlessly.

C: ...

C: If I couldn't be a perfect witch hunter, and stay a perfect witch hunter until the day that I died--

[shot of Philip w next line. He looks scared. He doesn't like that he knows this feeling.]

C: Then that would make me a witch.

C: Magic or not.

----

[Circe analyzes his expression, and is saddened by it]

C: You understand?

[Philip looks conflicted, and then closed off but almost sad/frustrated]

P: I...

P: ...I understand what you mean about, the...the pressure of it all...but I don't....that doesn't mean that...! Gah!...

[gets frustrated. pinches bridge of nose as he plops down next to Circe on the log]

P: [still closed eyes, headache body language] ...I was supposed to collect firewood while I was out, you know.

C: [smiles slightly] Remember when we would put off collecting wood to play witch hunter back here as kids?

P: ...

---

C: ...is it still as bad as it used to be?

P: [rests chin in hand, looking tired]

P: I don't know. Less frequent, maybe.

C: [a bit pleasantly surprised] You don't sound disappointed.

P: ... [furrows eyebrows]

C: ... [realizes]

C: [angry on his behalf] Did someone accuse you of--?

P: [breaks a twig off a branch on the fallen log with his left hand] No.

P: [looks annoyed at the stick momentarily. passes it to his right hand] That would be ridiculous, seeing as I am not a witch.

[Circe looks sadly at him]

----

[Philip starts doodling in the dirt with the twig]

C: Do you honestly still believe that only real witches get punished?

P: [stops drawing. gives her an angry sideways glance. then glares at the dirt] ...

P: ...Yes.

C: [furrows eyebrows] ......

P: Witches are born doomed. You know that.

C: We were told that.

P: ...

[Philip resumes doodling]

[Circe watches him draw]

------

[Philip draws The Belos Mask]

[Circe is thinking hard. Philip looks a bit blankly at his art.]

C: ...Are you happy here?

P: [startled] What?

C: You look exhausted.

P: [rubs eye absently] It doesn't matter.

P: ...

C: It matters to me! You're still my little brother!

C: I...I worry about you.

P: [cold] I'm fine.

[Philip scratches out the doodle. Circe watches with concern]

C: ...

P: ...

----

C: What are you going to do?

P: [tracing circles in the dirt] What do you mean?

C: I don't know. With the rest of your day? With your life? When you get back to town?

P: ...

P: Treat this whole encounter as a bad dream, and hope that it is one.

P: I don't have the energy to figure out if someone is casting hexes on me right now.

C: Wha--! After our WHOLE conversation-- you don't even believe I'm real?!

P: [scrunches]...

-------

P: [sad, desperate] I know that I want you to be.

P: I want to know for certain what happened to you. I want to be able to really talk to you again. I...

P: ... [doesnt say the last one]

P: ...But even if it is really you.

P: ...You're a witch.

P: I can't trust you.

C: [ouch]

C: [looks down] ...

[wide shot of them sitting in unhappy silence]

------

C: ...if you ever change your mind...

[Philip glances at her w/o turning his head]

C: [pointed] And especially if you're concerned someone might accuse you of witchcraft,

C: [frustrated that he doesnt seem worried abt this] That your life could be in danger,

C: If you'll just...give me a chance, I could take you somewhere safer!

C: [starting to reach towards him] I know it's frightening at first, but--!

P: [sits up straight but doesnt turn to look] I refuse.

C: [Stops short. Puts her hands back in her lap]

-----

P: I have a responsibility to Gravesfield. To its people. I have duties to fulfill for the good of our town.

P: [more like hes reassuring himself than talking to Circe] I will not be tempted.

[Circe cringes a little]

P: [actually to Circe] I am not leaving.

C: [sad]

C: ...perhaps I could write--?

P: I'd rather not be found recieving letters from a witch.

C: Oh. Right...

P:

------

C: ...Well...

C: You'd better find some firewood soon.

[Circe stands, brushes her skirt off. Philip remains sitting, avoiding looking at her]

P: ...

C: I won't disturb you again. But...

C: If you ever need me... [flapjack lands on her shoulder] I have Flapjack check on the town every once in a while. So....I don't know, [amused] start shouting at cardinals?

P: .......

------

C: Stay safe.

P: ...........

C: I love you.

P: [gripping that stick very tightly]  ...................... . . . . . .

C: [Circe's smile falls to smth bittersweet.] Goodbye, Philip.

[she walks away]

[Philips resolve falters again--]

P: [as he looks up] C.C., I--

[--he realizes hes alone.]

P: ....

P: [slowly, he stands up. brushes his jacket off. walks away.]

-----

hello do you want the whole Circe AU part 1 The Reunion script? bc here it comes. this is me forcing myself to stop rewriting it. mostly. probably. i hope to God.

[jelly-omelette]

Today I felt emotionally stable. I got a solid amount of work done even though I worked four out of eight hours. I had fun texting Jess. I want to call them hiro. I like flirting w them. Tho I would like to get to know them better. I don’t want to rush into anything and I wanna feel calm n comfortable around them. So far I am. I have yet to find out if we compliment eachother and if we will mesh. I think I just want to be myself around them and not worry too much abt labels or expectations. It’s good so far cuz I think we have common interests and shared hobbies like video games. So I def feel like we can bond as friends over that. And then maybe it’ll grow into something more or maybe it won’t. Kinda hard to know this early on. It’ll take time for me to feel comfortable opening myself up to them. I’m not gonna throw myself out there too soon and reveal all my cards. I’ll keep it reserved and wait for them to make some moves first. Seems p balanced so far. They said good morning to me n was initiating convo :3 so that made me happy. I’ve been doing a good job holding my infatuation back but also enjoying the rush of the moment. It made me said when hiro told me that they have neophobia, cuz I really like trying new things. And also I worry that their Coeliac disease might make sharing things more difficult since a lot of food has gluten. I like that they r pretty asian in terms of cleanliness and eating foods like natto and umeboshi. And they’re rly cute for sending me wiki articles of both those things haha. I was surprised to find out that hiro is 25 years old but I kinda glad bc I like more mature ppl. And I like how we talk in diff languages to eachother. I wonder what their friends r like. I hope they’re not all white cuz I’m scared of white ppl. I just don’t feel super comfortable around them bc they make me feel invalidated and so foreign. I think it’s cool they have a therapist cuz that’s something I’ve been thinking abt lately. Investing in mental and emotional health is always rly attractive. So are their hands hehe. It’s funny how we’re both kinda shy abt flirting w eachother. I’m not as forward as I usually am and I like that I don’t have to be to keep their attention :) and we also share a love and interest for art, which is something that is new to me that I’m really excited to experience. Cuz then we could paint stuff together and look at art museums together. But of course it all needs chemistry first. I wonder if we’ll have any physical chemistry when we meet in person. If it’ll be rly strong off the bat or be a slow buildup or maybe it won’t b there at all and we’ll feel super comfy w eachother. I wonder what our love languages will be. I feel like it’s easy to communicate love w other Asians even if they’re only half asian bc they understand both the American and asian perspectives. They thought I was 19 lol. Oh and we also both climb, that’s gonna b really really cool if we actually have good chemistry and friendship. They’re kinda shy and hard to talk to on phone tho. I hope that’ll change over time. I didn’t like how hiro called my island bald and was saying that I was leaving trash on her island >:( not nice. But other than that they seem kind and encouraging. Can’t believe I told her I’m attracted to the thought of their nice hands embracing me tenderly and they weren’t weirded out about it :D that means I can dial it down a notch which will definitely make me feel a little bit more stable and not afraid of being ghosted or it not being mutual. I’m curious abt their family dynamic and what it was like for them growing up w unmarried and mixed parents. I want to ask that but I’ll save it for later. I’m also curious about their pronouns and if they would feel dysphoric if I referred to them as my gf. BUT that can wait cuz I mean we’re not dating and I don’t wanna rush or scare them w the dtr talk. They seem pretty open tho so I feel pretty comfortable. They like olives also and actual legit lavender flavor. That’s attractive.

At first I had some traumatic flashbacks of jenna bc they reminded me of her. Strangely kinda similar. Jenna isn’t half asian, but she was adopted by white parents. Also her parents had an unconventional dynamic, the dad was a widow bc the mom took her life and the dad married a new person. Oh also hiro has tattoos and kinda dressed like her. But hiro seems more reserved and emo and I like that, and into video games. I rly rly like that :) and culture and art. I like I like. And rly studious. Me like hehe. And also gender queer. I also like hehe. And dorky n shy and playful. Def bonus attraction :D I p confident we’d get a long as friends. Def wanna solidify that first before doing anything beyond that. But ya I would definitely get in bed w them hehehe. They’re rly cute.

Anyway about my day I also practiced guitar for like two hours, played animal crossing w hiro, and hung out w EG friends. That was the highlight of my day. I rly miss em. We watched shrek and played some jack box. That was good. I had a lot of laughs. :) then I started questioning my feelings and the way that I love ray is related to the slogan from the half of it. “Not every love story is a romance”. Cuz I love that guy to death and at one point I had like mini moments where I’d really want to cuddle him or like be physical w him, but I think I just rly rly love how much he’s helped me grow as a person and supported me and allowed me to be honest w him about everything and anything. I really want to apply all the positivity and thoughtfulness I’ve learned from him to my everyday approach to life. I feel like I’ve gone from a really depressing person to someone who is still depressed but very excited and positive about life at the same time. And no longer had to desperately search for external validation or guess about whether or not I deserve love. I just don’t question it anymore who decides to give me love and who doesn’t. I feel very grateful for my friends and my financial situation, my own place and freedom and awesome coworker rex. I feel grateful that I’m still in touch with sean, kara, dixie, aish, my swe friends, Jon, and I get to have awesome conversations abt politics and feminism and funny memes w people everyday. Also my brother and my mom, eh for my dad. And also natalie and my brother who have been there since day 1. I can’t wait to explore what else is in store for me for the future and move on wo th my life. I’m excited to explore my relationship w hiro and see what I can offer and what they can offer. I hope they see value in my abilities to be emotionally sensitive, make delicious food, be methodical and logical and clean, and also have stability and boundaries and good articulate communication. I want to work on being less defensive and being more kind to myself. Not doubting when people show me affection and not questioning when ppl do nice things for me. My perspective on life and fervor to do the right thing. I want to finish my list of tv shows and movies and make some bomb ass paintings. Oh also the fact that I got closure w my ex and we’re on good terms now and they’re gonna hook me up w some film gigs :D I rly hope hiro isn’t the jealous type that gets insecure and makes assumptions abt my relationships w other ppl. I’m still scared from my relationship w bianca and paranoid abt doing the wrong thing and not having my boundaries respected. Not having my voice heard or believed. I want to see if it’s worth it to go all in first before I do. Bianca def dived in head first super super soon. Like our first date we kissed and she slept over. And I was pressured into doing it w her even when I hesitated. That was such a meh thing and sign I should’ve realized it. But my self esteem was so low I think I was unable to value my own feelings and be there for myself when I needed myself to stand up for my feelings. I hope that I can improve my social anxiety and be more kind to myself and respect myself more. I’m doing a p good job so far w that whole situation w my dad. Just keeping my distance so I can keep my sanity cuz I care about myself enough to not compromise myself for his shittiness. I love this time I get to reflect on myself. I really really love it. I feel so free. I can’t wait to talk to hiro tmrw