#bc it is miserable it is like let me sit down before i’m evil

[isthisthingeven0n]

being baby : d.d

brief summary: after joining the vs as their youngest member, you can’t help your feelings for david and the feeling isn’t mutual. but with your age in account and the thought of fans causing you grief, he’s stuck at a crossroad. 

word count: 2k requested: yes by a lovely anon and I hope this is how you envisioned it! warnings: angst, but it will end in fluff i assure you (in a second part bcs im evil)

* masterlistin’ / masterlistin’ 2.0

(everything on my blog is my own writing. if it is shared on another page or website know it isn’t me. all rights reserved. - i have to start doing this as I had some shit on my other blog with plagiarism)

being baby / being yours 

You were the baby of the group, that much was certain from the very moment you appeared in David’s vlogs. It didn’t seem like much of an issue initially, you helped Jason feel young (despite you being a few years older than Wyatt) and loved the chill days to the overly extra events David organised. 

After your face became one more familiar with fans, they grew to love you. Some had their fair share of comments to make about your age and you hanging out with people almost double yours, but those ones you simply swept under the carpet. You were happy, and living your best life with the friends you’ve grown closer with in the past year and a half. In particular, the one who started it all for you. 

It wasn’t something either of you necessarily anticipated happening, but your friendship simply blossomed into more. From the late nights editing to the breakfast burritos you would pick up on your way over, things started to change. You’d lean into him when you felt sleepy and he’d offer to drive you home to holding your hand in crowded places, ensuring you he wouldn’t let go. 

Of course, this was all private. Despite times when fans might’ve caught a snippet of something it was easily plausible as something else. You were starting to grow tired of walking on eggshells when filming, knowing when you had to be ‘on’ and times you could unwind. More comments started to pop up regarding your friendship and whether it could be something else. 

“Hey, Dave?” You call out from the kitchen as you lean against the counter, digging through the Taco Bell bags. 

From the sofa, David doesn’t even have to turn around to know you’ve lost something. The sound of you ruffling the bags and huffing to yourself gives it all away and he can’t help but smile to himself at the thought. 

“Check the drawer on your right!” David yells across the room as he continues to edit, hearing you mutter a thank you in response before walking over with two burritos and a drink. 

Plopping yourself down beside him, you glance over to his screen. “Still editing, huh?” You question, taking a bite of your breakfast whilst David rubs his eyes before nodding. 

“It’s taken me most of the night,” He admits through a long sigh. “but I’m almost done.” David watches as you focus on him with concern. 

“So that’s why you weren’t answering my texts.” You mutter under your breath as David places his laptop down and turns to face you. 

“Hey,” He moves the conversation on, knowing you really needed to talk last night. “Will, will you watch it through in a bit, just to make sure it’s okay?” He glances over, seeing you coughing on your burrito.

“You want me to give you the final okay?” You question with wide eyes, but David smiles back and nods.

“I trust your opinion, Y/n.” He tells you, nudging your arm lightly before leaning in and kissing you softly. 

Pulling away, you rest your forehead against his as the same thoughts from last night still swirl around your mind. “Dave,” You start before he moves back to his original position on the couch, sinking into the fabric. “I know you don’t wanna talk about it, but, what exactly are we?” 

David goes silent for a moment as he focuses on his laptop, seeing the video is paused on a frame of you laughing with Ilya. It’s your real smile displayed, not one that’s forced for show. God, he loves your smile. 

“Dave?” You speak up again as he snaps out from his thoughts, averting his attention back to you. 

“I mean,” David starts, but realises he has no idea where he’s directing this conversation. “we’re really good friends, right?” He looks over to see you unimpressed as you roll your eyes. “Like, really good friends, but I don’t wanna label it.” He tells you and his ears perk up as you scoff. 

“So we’re friends with benefits?” You coldly retort, but David shakes his head rapidly. 

“No, no.” He states. “You mean more to me than just a friend with benefits, Y/n/n.” His hand reaches out for yours, taking it in his as he strokes it with his thumb, not wanting to let you go. 

“Okay, so what is this then?” You question once more, starting to pull away at his long silence. “Right, I get it.” You scoff as you rise to your feet. 

“Y/n, wait,” David sighs, turning around as he kneels on the sofa watching as you stand in the kitchen with your car keys in hand. “I just, I don’t want anyone to get the wrong impression.” He states and you roll your eyes. 

“That’s dumb, David.” You scold him, but David shakes his head and rolls over before walking toward you.

“It’s not, Y/n. I know what fans are like, they’ll tear this apart.” He reasons, leaning closer to wrap his arms around you, but you move aside. 

“This is because of my age, isn’t it? You don’t want to be seen with someone immature right?” You ask him, watching as he lowers his head. “Okay then,” You mutter, fighting back tears. “let me know once you’ve matured, David. Then we’ll talk.” You walk out the front door with that, hearing it shut behind you as tears line your cheeks. 

*

It had been over a week since you walked out on David, and your absence was definitely noted. 

You thought it wouldn’t make much of a difference, but you were quickly notified by fans that they missed you. They wondered what happened as questions and conspiracies laced your timeline on Twitter. Some were closer than others, but it was a private matter at the end of the day, that is one thing David wanted to be sure of. 

Across town, David wasn’t doing much better. He continued to film and edit the vlogs, but he missed seeing you in his footage. Everyone could see how miserable he was, but despite their best efforts he just wouldn’t listen. 

“You guys don’t understand, they’ll eat her up.” He tried his best to reason, explain his side of the story but no one would accept that response. 

Sitting in his living room with a few others, Natalie walks in with a stern look on her face. She looks across to see David, still in the same hoodie for the third day. “Hey, Dave?” She calls out, looking down at her phone. “Can you get the door when it rings, it’s a delivery.” She asks and David gives her a thumbs up, averting his attention back to his footage.

As the doorbell sounds, David continues to edit. “Erm, David?” Carly speaks up, snapping David from his deep concentration.

“Oh, right.” David mutters to himself, walking toward the door to accept the delivery.

What he wasn’t expecting was to be greeted by his parents smiling sympathetically to him. “David!” His Mom chuckles, wrapping her arms around him as he remains frozen on the spot. 

“What the fuck?” He laughs as he Dad shakes his hand. “I, what’re you doing here?” He asks, watching as his parents share a knowing look.

“We’re here to talk about Y/n.” His Dad speaks up, crossing his arms before smiling past David.

Turning around, David notices Natalie stood there. “Hey guys,” She waves, ignoring the annoyance in David’s face as he watches her take his seat on the sofa. 

“Come on, David.” His Mom leads him away as she waves to everyone before following her son into his bedroom and closing the door. “Okay, so Natalie has filled us in on a bit.” She starts, looking to Pavo who sighs. 

“Y/n seems like a nice girl, David.” He states, shrugging his shoulders as his Mom sighs. 

“Real helpful, thanks honey.” She mutters before taking a seat beside David on the edge of his bed. “We just want you to be happy, and from what we can see when Y/n is around, you truly are.” She squeezes his shoulders lightly as she wraps an arm around him, pulling him closer into her embrace. “What’s so bad about that?” 

“I just know we’ll get so much backlash because of her age.” David admits, looking down at the floor rather than the unimpressed looks his parents are exchanging.

“Age is just a number son,” Pavo speaks up. “if you’re happy, and if you’re in love, it makes no difference.” He explains with a smile on his face, glancing over to his wife. “If she makes you happy, don’t let others stop you.”

*

After a long needed talk with his parents, David knew what he had to do. It was just a matter of having the balls to actually go over to your place and admit it. 

“She lives twenty minutes away, David.” Natalie continues to try and psych him up to the best of her ability as David remains seated in front of his phone, hoping you’ll pop up and say something first.

“I know, I’m just nervous.” He mutters under his breath before turning his phone to face down. “What if she hates me?” 

Natalie scoffs in response. “There’s no way she’d hate you. I mean, have you read the comments on social media?” She questions and David nods. “It’s not just yours or hers, we’re all getting the same comments.” Natalie explains, realising it was news to David.

“So everyone misses her?” He asks and Natalie eagerly nods. 

“Yes. Literally, the majority of comments are asking where she’s gone to. No explanation, no story or mention of her. It’s like she’s dead.” Natalie huffs and watches as David rises to his feet at last.

“I’m going to do it.” He tells himself, not quite meeting Natalie’s gaze. “I, I have to otherwise I’ll never hear the end of it.” A small laugh escapes his lips as he realises what is about to happen, that he’ll finally tell you the full truth.

“You got this, Dave.” Natalie wraps her arms around him, giving him a squeeze before releasing him. “And if you come back having failed, I will ban you from postmates for a month.” She sternly warns him, but David shrugs it off as he walks toward the front door, not wanting to look back. 

As David pulls up outside of your house, he can see all of your lights are on inside. It’s a positive sign, but also one that’s causing his heart rate to increase rapidly. 

Taking a deep shaky breath, David climbs out of his car and nears your front door. Hundreds of versions run through his mind of the speech he initially had planned, but now all the words have muddled together into gibberish. 

Standing in front of your door he shuts his eyes as he knocks before stepping back. His breath hitches in his throat as the door opens and David opens his mouth to speak, but you aren’t in front of him. Someone else is.

“Hi, can I help?” A tall man with blonde hair stands in front of David, towering over him. 

“I erm, is Y/n in?” David stutters through his words as the man tries to discreetly look David up and down before turning around and glancing over his shoulder.

“She’s not in right now. But I can let her know you stopped by?” The guy suggests and David silently sighs as he nods.

“That’d be great, thanks, dude. Just, just tell her David wanted to apologise.” He sadly admits before turning around and walking away, wondering if he missed his chance once and for all. 

[phoebehalliwell]

how would you rank the seasons from least to most favourite?

alright okay right off the bat worst season season 7. for starters i think this season has no staying power i mean like since i’ve been running this blog 4 so long now my knowledge of charmed is encyclopedic and insanely vast more than like it ever need be but for the longest time. i could not remember season 7. like wtf even happened there?? evidently leo became human??? cole returned? the avatars??? like all of it was just. it’s not even necessarily forgettable it’s just i straight up could not remember it for the longest time. and i’ve said it before the concept of utopia was way to advanced for a show like charmed to tackle i am not watching charmed for moral philosophy i am watching bc i love these girls ♥ hee hee hoo hoo magic adventure ✨ tho if i am to offer a single comment on utopia: it’s awfully rich for a show to go on about destiny and fate and then take a stand against utopia in the name of free will. but w/e. i don’t like leo in the avatars i don’t like his dynamic with piper in this season i don’t like whatever phoebe’s doing this season there’s like leslie?? maybe there’s someone else? boring & flavorless they should have been setting up her endgame instead of puttering around. and kyle. zoo wee mama. could have been a great antihero. morally gray. duplicitous. self serving. but no. they gave him all those traits and called him hero/love interest. s7 left a lot to be desired out of the characters and their relationships also gave us phat L’s such as the charmed ones are werewolves don’t worry about it and feminism peaked with naked women. shout out to zankou: demon, dilf, dub & the noir episode.

you know what? fuck it i’ll say it second worse season 5 genuinely fuck season five. this is probably a Very Specific beef 2 me But. i hate what they did to the charmed universe. this was the season that marked the transition of charmed from supernatural drama to campy soap which like. i love camp! i do! but fr. fuck this season and what it did to the worldbuilding. the early season have Such A Vibe to them man with warlocks and witches and just a couple niche monsters from assorted lore that the show took and made their own. season five opens with mermaids goes directly into fairytales then gives us superheros whatever the fuck was going on in that mummy episode the sandman leprechauns and nymphs. and i hate it for that. it takes away from this urban fantasy things that go bump in the night what lurks in the shadows of the back alleys of san francisco in favor of the ugliest cinderella dress ever put to television and an onslaught of horrible irish accents for a full episode. other issues with season five: cole’s still here? why? they don’t know and neither will you! we’re not redeeming him! phoebe’s not getting back together with him! yes he died we just refuse to let him go! the cherry on top of course being a cole-centric 100th episode. shout out to. hmm. lemme think about what i actually liked about this season. i like jason dean as a love interest i don’t remember what he did in s5 but i know he was there. the season finale i’ve talked about how stupid & shitty it was but idc i still love that episode and then shout out to bacarra the only original villain this season that was a proper serve. the crone gets second place.

next on this come on we all saw it coming season 8. it’s a bad season! and i get bts there was a whole lot happening budget cuts missing actor etc. but it goes beyond that. it was a bad season. billie and christie were bad. and i’ve said this before but billie in herself is not an inherently bad character. she was just the literal worst for the show. she was a dollar store buffy blonde confident cocky skilled and ready 2 fight evil But. we are not following her like we followed buffy we are following her mentors. it’s like if we had a show called giles that aired for seven seasons And Then buffy showed up. billie was insanely irritating to watch from our perspective and in general wasn’t like. well written. attempts to humanize her / give her more depth often fell flat. and then christy. oh nelly. oh my god. barely a character. not well acted but hey it would have been a miracle if she was. negatives include dumain who was a mess omg bringing back the triad bringing back the source billie & christy obvi and also involving homeland security. which is season 7′s fault which is why it’s the worst. dubs on the other hand include both coop and henry i really liked them the shoehorned love interests weren’t great but i like their characters i though the way the got rid of leo to save on the budget was really creative and gave us a great piper episode and of course the sugary sweet finale i love it i do what can i say.

yet another controversial choice aptly coming in fourth is season 4. i respect what season 4 set out to do. i think it was a good idea. long form narratives, keeping a darker tone, focusing on character-driven drama and growth. too bad it fucking failed miserably at all of this. cole as the source and phoebe as the queen of hell was just so so botched. they had a very unique opportunity following the death of prue to explore these characters and what it means to them to be charmed, to be witches. they saved the world but the cost is insanely high. they’ve lost an older sister. they’ve gained a new sister. how do you even begin to cope with all this? episodes such as hell hath no fury and brain drain fuck so hard because they work with exactly that. had the whole season been like those episode season four would sit at number one with flying colors absolutely no competition. but alas. we can’t have nice things. the show got so bogged down with phoebe & cole, in a way that was just so, so messy. for starters, whether you loved cole or hated him before, we can all agree source!cole sucked. he was such a strong 180 from what we had seen that the show had to make the source some type of possession to justify half the shit they were trying to pull. and then to pit phoebe and paige against one another over a man was just. disgusting. and the ending of course felt rushed because it was! they wrapped up that entire issue in a nice little bow much faster than they reasonably should have been able to. it could have been a great season. it was definitely not. shout out to the seer an iconic mastermind on barbas levels, as previously stated brain drain and hell hath no fury Specific shout out to piper’s scene at prue’s grave shout out to paige as a character i like what they did with her and um. yeah that’s it.

okay we’re exiting the shit tier in favorite of the good tier welcome to the upper half. kicking us off is season 6. season 6 did what season 4 could not in that it gave us a long form plot that still left plenty of room for like. normal demon of the week episodes. i love phoebe early in this season with her faboo haircut her brand new empathy power and her relationship with jason dean. obvious strikes against for whatever the fuck that baby crazy stint was and also the mata hari episode. yikes. i love paige’s hair color in this season nothing paige as a character necessarily stands out to me however i like how they seem to have hit the blend of work-magic with paige where she wants a life and career outside of magic however she still loves the craft and embraces is with an open heart and mind. season six also gives us chris who was a very fun male lead imo we really didn’t have many like him he’s bitchy. he whines and bitches a lot he’s got an agenda he’s a bit secretive but at the end of the day he just wants a family i like him. i like the character growth we see out of piper i like seeing her try to move on from leo i love seeing her get back together with leo i like her dynamic with chris and her fears about motherhood. i also liked richard but that one takes a lot of justification. L’s are witchstock hyde school reunion used karma off the top of my head also the paige/richard/addiction plotline was so tone deaf. also the girls were mean to darryl : ( he deserved so much better. dubs were chris as a character, tbh the episode little monsters, phoebe with empathy specifically saying i love you too to jason i could write a dissertation on that line alone also the courtship of wyatt’s father and i thought the reveals of evil wyatt and chris being piper and leo’s son were both fun and interesting plot twists.

coming in third is actually season 2 a season i really do love it’s just. it lacks structure. imo there is a lot to love about season 2 morality bites and pardon my past are both delightful time travel episodes we get jack sheridan and bane jessup two of my personal favorite prue love interests we get p3 h2o and a great prue plotline regarding the death of patty we get the super cute cupid episode it’s a great. collection of episodes. it’s not a great season. there’s just imo not a strong enough thread connecting the stories together it’s mainly held together by having the same characters in it over and over again i really liked dan personally but like. i knew we were wasting time there. he was just an obstacle. a super cute loving and caring obstacle who’s great with kids but lbr piper and leo were always endgame. wasting our time on dan was stupid. i do love the sister dynamics in season two “gotta hand it to those pesky little demons they sure have brought us closer together” but again. this season could have benefitted from a rex and hannah type or even like a cole or zankou. this season is less of a season and more of just like a handful of episodes, and while there are some fat dubs, there are also some definite swings & misses. shout out to the time travel episodes the prue centric episodes phoebe’s character growth and maturity throughout this season (e.g. her going back to college) and i also think the fashion got a lot more fun this season.

second place i’m saying season one season one was a really strong start and gave us these really compelling characters with interesting relationships between one another But. a lot of it just kinda falls flat. and credit where credit is due it was a brand new show getting its feet under it but the fourth sister feats of clay which prue is it anyway they just simply aren’t dubs imo. also i don’t like that 70′s episode bc again i am an asshole concerned about The Lore i can’t believe one bitch ass warlock caused the Charmed Ones to grow up without powers. it just really bugs me. all in all the plots as a whole like aren’t great imo they’re nothing to write home about (save for from fear to eternity) it’s really the characters that make this season so goddamn good.

first place congratulations to the one the only season three. this is just because it kinda hits all my requirements in that it has some banger one offs (e.g. all halliwell’s eve, the good, the bad, and the cursed) it has an overarching plot at the exact same time as the source becomes more prominent and obvi cole is also there with murderous intent i like the character growth we see especially from prue i like piper and leo finally get married overall i really like the aesthetic of this season that blends a darker urban fantasy tone with still some charmed fashion and whimsy. strikes against tbh phoebe and cole’s relationship i am insanely picky with my enemies to lovers and the do not come remotely close to cutting the mustard in fact they are almost immediately disqualified however from afar i can see and respect The Drama. shout out to recasting victor prue with pistols death as a character and shannen directing episodes

[gayregis]

blood and wine rewrite au basic layout

i already posted something like this before but i cant find the post so im just rewriting all of this from the top of my head

everyone’s repurposed roles:

geralt - he’s still a witcher. he’s geralt of rivia. obviously. i don’t have time or interest to think about how to rewrite the entire witcher 3 game to be lore-friendly, but i assume there would be less triss and more dandelion involved in it. for this let’s just take him as geralt having done everything in tw3 but with the personality of geralt from the books because geralt from the games doesn’t have much of a strong personality good for writing or thinking about.

regis - a bitch. nah jk. he’s same regis but just what he was like 100 years ago when he got his head cut off. he’s less spiralling-into-doom than he was then, and is less desperate and hopeless overall, but is slowly getting there once again. he doesn’t remember anything about learning from his mistakes and becoming a good person, because this regis didn’t get any of that. to this regis, it’s like no time has passed at all since he died, and he’s ready to start partying again without any thought of the consequences. he’s moved to toussaint because everyone’s already tipsy there and the north is plagued by war so it’s not a really great source to be drinking from (like if there was a sewage leak near the vineyard you sourced your wine from). he doesn’t remember anything about maturing up or about becoming a surgeon or about the hansa, so that sucks.

dettlaff - not a fucking maniac. actually a character geralt will likely spend a good amount of time talking to. total character overhaul because he does not have a personality in the actual DLC. he arrived in toussaint because he had heard that regis had returned and wanted to fix things wih him, he had previously left him.

syanna - not a fucking dumbass, yet still naive in her own way due to being blinded with the promise of power. in this, she is planning to stage a coup on the duchy (because she is the older sister, so it IS her right by law) and she supports regis’ slow dive again into uncontrollable insanity because it helps her prop up rumors that her sister’s reign is ineffective against real threats and is cursed. but this alliance does not go as she planned...

orianna -  in this, she is the owner of a gladiatorial school (instead of an orphanage), and is still like in canon a wealthy and influential individual of beauclair, yet reclusive from human society. she is regis’ best friend and goads him on, because she never fixed her own issues with alcoholism and now is elated to have him back and forgetting that they had disagreements which drove them apart in the first place. they’re best friends (NO romance) and it’s just good to see how insanely different orianna and geralt are because they’ve both been regis’ close friends at different points in time.

the purpose of this:

fix regis’ relationships with the vampires. he slowly drove all of his good friends away by going off the deep end and many are likely wondering whatever happened to him. but books regis would never consider partying like that again, so we bring the party regis back and then slowly de-escalate him into normal books regis again, and we finally get closure with him and his old friends.

cool dramatic stereotypical vampire shit. i’m talking about a final battle or conversation in a giant dark castle with large open windows and billowing drapery.

regis’s hairstyle

give syanna actual agency as a character and give her motivations that extend beyond pure revenge (although they are related to revenge) and make her more unique so she is not just a ripoff of renfri. 

demonstrate anna henrietta and geralt’s relationship as it was in the books. he was genuinely intimidated by her and i interpret him as being jealous of her relationship with dandelion, so he in practice was quite withdrawn around her as she was her overemotional and embellished self

give dettlaff an actual character, holy shit. i hate how sorely underdeveloped he is in the game. i understand why because it’s not meant to be writing, it’s meant to be a video game, but come on. i hate having the vampire with the cool character design be the ultimate villain of the whole narrative. in this, he’s someone geralt can talk to and sees himself in. he’s emotionally mature and doesn’t mix with the other vampires. since we already know what regis is like, we don’t have to sit through dettlaff making excuses for him and trying to describe what his character is like. we also get a better view of regis’ past through dettlaff’s lense. 

give orianna an actual character, holy shit. i hate how they didn’t even try with her and just used her as a “surprise, she is quite evil!” gimmick. have her actually have a larder for blood that is lore-friendly yet still jumps out at the audience as morally wrong.  give her more personality and development.

examine regis’ backstory without actually getting into every single year of those 4 centuries. we can examine how it started good, turned bad, went worse... there’s a lot of loss involved and i think this would be nice to process it.

roughly what happens (under cut because if i ever do write this fic out, this is spoilers, literally the synopsis of the whole thing):

anna henrietta sends envoys to geralt. they establish that the duchess has no conflict with geralt and that her conflict was with dandelion, only. she has requested his help because he effectively dealt with many monsters while he was in beauclair and established a trustworthy reputation (also, he’s famous, and toussaintoirs are superficial). instead of the beast of beauclair killing particular victims, it’s the countryside which has been plagued by vicious attacks of the devil knows what.

geralt arrives and examines the scenes of the attacks. the sincere majority of the victims are alive, so he speaks to them. they remember nothing, but woke up with their village fucking absolutely trashed and with vomit everywhere. they all have wounds on their necks. geralt thinks he knows what’s up, but is reluctant to deal with it because of his memories of regis, who he misses

damien de la tour is assigned to geralt as a sort of backup. they argue and geralt manages to get him to stay put in beauclair while he rides to a village they believe will be attacked next. it’s not even a full moon so the vampires don’t even come out in their bat form (disappointing) but instead just mesmerize their way in in humanoid form. dettlaff sneaks up on geralt who is (ahem) staking out the situation, and is like hey dont kill regis hes not evil hes just misguided!! and geralt is like REGIS? EMIEL REGIS? THTS WHO’S LEADING THEM? i ..... i know him.... and dettlaff’s like what the fuck how... then they get caught and regis is like oh hey dettlaff who’s this guy and geralt feels very left out :( and also sad bc regis doesnt remember shit and geralt even lists the hansa members by name and regis is still like O_O ok yeah im just going to hypnotize you to get lost ok goodbye! but dettlaff prevents him from doing this and they both get thrown out of the party.

after the party geralt is a mess and is like wtf so hes back and what... how... huh... and dettlaff doesnt know how he returned or why he returned either but they compare geralt’s knowledge of how regis died with dettlaff’s knowledge of how regeneration works and they figure out that regis just regenerated from his past body and that’s why he doesn’t have any of his memories from when he turned good.

then they eavesdrop a little more and find out that syanna has been talking to regis and making deals with him (its... not really like she thinks, regis really hasnt been doing anything he doesnt want to. shes just like “hey can you attack this village here” and regis is like yeah i was gonna host a party there tomorrow night ...) so they are like who the fuck is this woman and track her down to her base of operations, and then they find out that THEY got followed by damien de la tour, who identifies her as sylvia anna. geralt is a little miffed on behalf of dandelion that damien seems to be so close to anna henrietta but i digress.

geralt reports his findings to the duchess but does NOT mention regis because the duchess knows who regis is. then we get the same vampire talk from canon b&w where the duchess and damien are sorely misinformed on every single thing ever.

geralt is defeated and has no idea on how to fix this and hes looking hard into a mirror by candlelight and then decides to go to bed so he turns around and regis is right behind him like hey. cue ‘holy shit what the fuck’ moment and freaking out. regis explains himself and says that he doesnt remember him but the fact that he gave so many specifics weirded him out and he kind of wants to know more out of curiosity. also he wants to talk to dettlaff but feels too bad about how he argued with him like 3 centuries ago that he cant just ask him directly.

so they talk and geralt is all :(( and regis is like ok well. i kinda want to get these memories back because they sound pretty significant and also im pretty miserable. but also im not going to stop partying bc its the only thing that makes me feel alive rn. so long!

geralt and dettlaff talk to orianna and she dislikes them both but still talks to them and then regis materializes and also begins bothering them and its quite civil but this scene just serves to demonstrate how annoying they are as friends lol

there’s scenes where you can either save damien / syanna from being unalived by the vampires’ / regis’ hand, only if you let syanna die will the duchess be mad and accuse you of being heartless like dandelion is and then geralt and the duchess actually get into an argument bc of that comment but geralt ofc loses bc hes scared of her lol

no matter what you get regis his memories back but your decisions to either continue helping him or not is what makes him change or not. even after he gets his memories back (or because he gets his memories back?) he decides to raze beauclair bc hes just so fucking miserable and geralt has to talk him down, if you are harsh and not understanding and shame him etc then he doesnt change, if you condemn his actions but still offer your support then he does.

if you offer your support > geralt talks about the hansa like For Ever and regis then adds in everything and yay regis is back to normal. theres like a wholesome montage of geralt being like “just TRY to sew up a wound i promise you you will be good at it” and regis does and hes splendid at it. regis and dettlaff finally make up and are bros once again. we help orianna with her issues and she realizes stuff but is still going to have a drink once in a while. if syanna is alive she doesnt hate on any of this but just decides to make up with the duchess and then become captain of the guard (damien gets fired for being a dumbass).

if you do not offer your support > regis goes to cry in a delapidated creepy old castle and you have an epic fight (geralt is backed up by dettlaff) and he turns into a bat and geralt almost dies, they manage to decapitate regis again and put him in the ground and set a timer for 50 years

if you redeem regis then there’s an ending scene where the duchess is like “oh regis i didnt know you were in town” and hes just like <:) ahaha... yeah...

cue crying about milva/cahir/angouleme For Ever. maybe link this with the fic where geralt and regis bring them all back as ghosts/real ppl and then they have to deal with those consequences

[jackkodiac]

Oh boy this is fun. Extremely long post ahead. Beware of ooc drama.

@holydestruction

"If someone has an issue with another mun, please do not send yourself ‘‘anons’‘ or have your friends send ‘‘anons’‘ as an excuse to try and attack/punish other muns."

Neither I myself, nor any of my friends know who sent the ask. I avoided answering it for 3 days because Ollie and I had not finished discussing the final outcome. I went into Ollie’s DM’s SPECIFICALLY BECAUSE of this ask to try to finally clear the air and have some kind of answer. The ask made me uncomfortable, and the 2 previous ones had as well. It had been sitting unanswered for 3 days before everything blew up. 

"Once someone has blocked me I keep it at that and respect their wishes, and i normally don’t give a fuck about the petty vagueposts on here--in fact, check my rules for how i generally approach situation."

Please show me where I apparently vagueposted about anyone??? I didn’t even tell my closest friends about the problem until today (5/2/2020) when I was informed of this callout post, let alone make vague public complaints about you OR Ollie. I blocked you knowing you would likely block me soon anyway. 

"However, if someone is coming up to me saying that people are posting things like this, and bringing private matters public while spreading misinformation then I’m going to respond."

No I’m pretty sure I didn’t air any dirty laundry, unlike you? I spoke the truth; in the end I did not get a choice. I got an ultimatum. And I dropped the subject after that ask. Good to know you have someone stalking my blog for you though.

You posted a screenshot of my ask response; a request to have the subject dropped bc I was hurt by a situation I couldn’t do anything about. How horrible of me.

"Hi yeah since you blocked me and Ollie is rarely on Tumblr any more cause of this exact shit right here, and you’re trying to vilify the mun OVER FUCKING WORD BARBIES, I’m stepping in to tell you top stop playing the fucking victim when I have chat logs of you trying to hold Ollie emotionally hostage."

Like I said, I blocked you knowing you would block me eventually anyway. I blocked him too, because I figured the same thing. He specifically stated to me in his last Discord message, and I quote: “After this conversation, I really do think it’s best that we don’t talk again.” So I blocked you both to deter the possibility of accidentally engaging with either of you again. As. Requested.

Also, it hurt knowing you have full reign to npc his character when I was denied even the possibility of npcing a *background relationship*. So yes. I blocked you. I could not forsee us ever interacting in a positive manner, so I cut my losses.

I am not sure how you think I’m “playing the victim” as if I wasn’t also hurt by his words and actions? There were no winners in this argument and you blaming all of it on ME is the actual vilifying.

Also good to know that wanting to talk about something instead of being told I have to end it on the spot with no explanation is “holding someone emotionally hostage.” I guess I will just have to avoid discussions with people ever again bc talking ooc is evil now!

"Ollie tried multiple times to contact you over this issue because they wanted to stay in contact."

This is actually true! Ollie contacted me to talk about general things as well as the topic of our characters a few times over the last month. I did the same thing just as often. He would contact me to say hi and ask how I was doing, we would small talk. I would contact him to show him pictures of my cat bc he liked them! We would small talk. Occasionally we actually would start to discuss things. Then we would either get busy, go to sleep, or have to go to work, and the discussion would end. Other times we had to stop because one or both of us was too stressed out over various factors and the topic was strenuous.

"Every time, you brushed them off begging Ollie not to have them break up because, as you stated, that was the only thing you had to look forward to that made you happy."

I did not brush him off EVERY time. Sometimes we started to get somewhere. He asked to stop talking just as often, if not more times, than I did. And while I did say the ship was ONE of the only things I was looking forward to, I did not say it was THE only one. The epidemic has been stressful on everyone, and with both of us being “essential workers” the external stress is even harder. I enjoyed having something to talk about when I got off of a hard day at the warehouse. I wasn’t ready to let go of that when HE even offered to have them work it out in the first place. 

"You then ghosted them for days that rolled into weeks, and Ollie would have to contact you AGAIN."

Correction: I left Ollie ALONE for days at a time, after he would request it. He would leave my messages unanswered just as often? But I didn’t complain about it, because that is something he has always done. We don’t always have time to stop and talk. He would get stressed out and I would drop the subject AT HIS REQUEST until he brought it back up. I think that is actually considered respecting someone’s space.

"Do you know what that is, acyl? That’s putting the responsibility of YOUR HAPPINESS onto OLLIE over a FUCKING ROLEPLAY SHIP, ACYL."

And yet, his choice to make both of us retcon/cut down months of character development between both our muses ISN’T putting the responsibility of HIS happiness on ME? Ok. If you say so.

"Ollie explained to you now stressful and anxiety inducing roleplaying had become, and how miserable they were roleplaying this character for reasons that I’m not getting into and don’t matter right now. The point is, ollie explained how they felt."

And just as many times, I expressed that he did not have to continue writing. He said he was leaving tumblr and going to restrict rp to Discord. I said Ok I can work with that. He said he wanted to drop the character. I said Ok I can work with that; I have had many partners drop muses or leave the rpc before, and this issue has NEVER arose in all 5 years I have been writing this blog. The characters have either been killed off by the original mun or allowed to be npc’d in a background relationship. (Ie, implied that they occasionally hang out or talk. No large modding of anyone else’s characters.) Not once has someone started a huge ordeal over this.

"You then got MAD AT OLLIE, and LASHED OUT because Ollie deleted their blog, and told them that OLLIE SHOULD HAVE CONSULTED YOU FIRST???? AS IF YOURE ENTITLED TO THEIR BLOG??"

I was never once mad at Ollie. I was shocked and hurt by the last message Vwig had dm’d to Crow on tumblr before Ollie deleted the blog. I was concerned for Ollie over what had caused this sudden change. I had just gotten off an 8 hour shift at work and seen the aftermath, and I went into Ollie’s DM’s on Discord asking what was wrong. The previous night, when the characters had been fighting, I asked Ollie multiple times ooc if he was ok. I asked if he was bothered and he told me no multiple times. He said it was all ic and he was perfectly fine. I dropped it and the next I heard from him was THAT. I asked what was wrong, what had happened. I was concerned for my friend who just previously said he was ok. He said he didn’t want to rp vwig anymore and we started to talk about what to do since he was leaving the community. Not once did I say he had to ask my permission to delete his blog. I asked why he didn’t talk to me first about what had upset him, but I did not tell him he had to have my permission.

"YOU DO NOT OWN ANY RIGHTS OR GET TO HAVE ANY SAY IN WHAT OLLIE DOES WITH THEIR PROPERTY, NOR DICTATE WHAT OLLIE DOES WITH A HOBBY MEANT TO MAKE THEM HAPPY AND RELAXED. YOU DO NOT HAVE THAT CONTROL OVER OLLIE."

At no point did I ever express that I did. I expressed concern over his change in demeanor. 

"You DO NOT get to do nothing but guilt trip Ollie to try and make them do what YOU WANT. You DO NOT then get to try and use anger to INTIMIDATE Ollie into doing what YOU WANT. You DO NOT get to ghost Ollie after they try to reach out, and pin the blame on them. You DO NOT get to try and vilify ollie because YOU DIDNT GET YOUR WAY."

Good to know that expressing my own discomfort, and concern is suddenly all of these things. Good to know that trying to find out why we can’t work things out all of a sudden is manipulative.

Good to know that internalizing my pain over this fight and going out of my way to avoid talking about it to literally anyone in order to avoid vilifying him in any way is me trying to make him look bad.

"Ollie stated why they were uncomfortable with you NPCing their relationship, and it is your responsibility to RESPECT it. Even if you disagree, it is THEIR CHOICE."

Just as well, I stated why I was uncomfortable with retconning months of writing and development. But apparently it is not his responsibility to respect that and try to come to a compromise. I am the one supposed to only respect him and not expect him to respect me back.

TLDR; You claim I am out here slandering and defaming someone I have never once mentioned in public about a private issue. Yet you name drop and vilify me in a callout post, yourself. You are being a hypocrite, and I would appreciate it if you did not mention me again. Have a nice day.

[enoshimatroll]

after reflecting on living w gene and elm for half a year and how awful it was, i’m a little shocked that it took me so long so realize how abusive/controlling they were and how miserable i was. bear in mind the entire time i was convinced that i was the bad guy, i was a jerk for complaining, i would feel massive amts of guilt when they would tell me i made them feel bad (for voicing perfectly reasonable concerns). 

they would rearrange the house w/o asking, all the furniture i’ve had for years, tell me how ugly everything looked before, ask me why i didn’t thank them bc “they did me a favor”- then expect me to clean up after them, eat all my food, use the things i bought for themselves. they ripped up the floor in certain rooms, tore the flower beds off the windows out front, removed doors from closets, knocked down the porch railing. they were constantly making changes that they weren’t allowed to make bc i was just renting the house- and i told them repeatedly that my landlord was going to be furious/charge me (he did charge me, for all of it) and they still wouldn’t stop. my house didn’t feel like my house anymore. i didn’t even want to be there. “its our house” they would say when i would complain. no, it was my house. i had been there for a year and a half. they just got there. did i mention they barely ever paid rent, and if they did, it was late 

all they did was drink and trash the house. i would come home and all the newly bought groceries i had spent more than half my paycheck on would be gone and never replaced. elm tried to instill a rule where we all picked one mug/one bowl/one plate and that was the only dish we’d use- that way i had way less dishes to do (since i was the only one who did the dishes, he was just trying to make my job easier, see?)

i remember when gene told me they would get mad when i would “flirt” w people, and it made them feel left out/lonely, and i told them that i’m sorry they felt that way/i’ve been there but i had to learn that you can’t use your insecurities/irrational feelings to control other people. they called me selfish and cruel and went to their room to cry.

they would invite people who said terrible things abt me into my home and commandeer the living room/my tv for “movie nights” and i would be forced to deal with awkward tension/being glared at, going out, or hiding in my room all night. coming home from work after a long ass day to someone who hates you making themselves comfortable in your home, immediately making you uncomfortable, was exhausting and stressful. 

gene getting mad at me for not catering to their feelings was a constant thing. i was so stressed, all. the. time. bc i thought if i said one wrong thing they would get angry at me. usually elm was there to back any of their claims up- they would both raise their voices just enough that i would be too scared to say anything to defend myself. 

i’ll never forget the time i locked the door bc i was home alone and leaving it unlocked made me paranoid. i assumed they would knock if they got home and i would let them in since i was just sleeping on couch. elm apparently came home and assumed i locked him out. instead of knocking, he got his tools and TOOK THE LOCK OUT OF THE DOOR. i woke up to a note/the lock on the coffee table that said “don’t ever fucking lock me out again”. 

one time i woke up to elm telling me gene was mad at me bc i flirt with this guy they had a crush on. gene had already told me this numerous times, told me that they thought i was doing it on purpose to upset them, even thought i KNEW that i wasn’t. i didn’t even like this dude. but they constantly gaslit me and said that even if i didn’t think i was doing it, i was. when elm woke me up and said this, i told him “that sounds a lot like projecting to me” and he said “sure kris, everyone else is evil and you never do anything wrong” and left. 

i never claimed to be a perfect victim. i was extremely depressed, especially near the end. i didn’t want to get out of bed. i was neglecting my animals- not feeding them routinely enough, not spending enough time with them. after gene assaulted me, they tried to say that was the reason. it was the easiest scapegoat. they attacked me because i was an “animal abuser”, not because they’re a violent person with irrational anger issues. i never hurt my animals. i did everything for them that i could, which at the time wasn’t much, and i know that isn’t an excuse. i re-homed my dog after they moved out because i knew that my living situation/mental illness was hurting his quality of life and i couldn’t care for him properly anymore. 

i would get home and just sit in my car and cry because i didn’t want to see them.

i’ve repressed a lot, stuff i’m still dealing with and not ready to shout into the void about yet. this was meant to just be venting but i went off on a tangent. this isn’t even half of it. o well, thx tumblr for being my diary half the time 

[dwindlingashesburnt]

How long do the shields stay down?

This is something I think is really really important for you to be aware of if you're in a situation that's bad for you or are just doing kinda shit in any way - physical, mental, emotional, whatever. And I'm including stuff like food, shelter, sleep under physical for the sake of this

And that is this - at some point your body and or mind will almost definitely try to protect you by shielding you from it. When it's mental or emotional this is typically a very long term thing to keep you safe that you have to actively unlearn, as is physical stuff like training yourself not to flinch or stuff like that. When it's a lack of something physical like sleep or food or so on, it's generally just intended to keep you going until you manage to get whatever it is you needed, at which point the shields should start falling on their own pretty quickly

But the obvious problem with this is that if you're being shielded from the problem, you don't know how bad said problem is. You might not even be sure what the problem is, or even worse, might not even be aware that there is a problem. This means that until those shields go down, you can't figure out what's wrong or how to fix it, and you may end up actually making the problem much worse without realising in the meantime

(That's the end of the general advice bit - which is important btw! - and now goes into my own stuff, which isn't important except to me cos it's mostly just venting so feel free to stop reading at this point)

I rediscovered this yesterday night.

Every time I get this badly worn down, it always happens exactly the same way - I've already been apathetic and tired for quite a while, low on sleep, and been constantly tense for a long time, but bc I'm apathetic and can't sleep, I stay up watching videos on youtube for far too long. At some point, I find myself actually in quite a bit of pain and only then realise it's because I'm so incredible tense, and at this point I start finding it to be a real struggle to focus my vision or pick out the voices and concentrate enough to really watch videos. A while after this, I normally find that I'm shaking uncontrollably, and acknowledge to myself that it's most likely a mixture of a shitty mental place, being so tense for so long, and utter exhaustion. So to double check, I put some simple music on that doesn't require much focus, close my eyes and focua on going limp - I know that if my own thoughts fade to absolutely nothing while the singing drifts through my mind, and that I lose ALL tension and start melting into the bed...This means I'm on the point of passing out and or veering into dangerously sleep deprived suicidal ideation type territory, and need to sleep stat.

And this is the part that really alarms me - before I go to bed I need to put the light on so I don't trip, put my phone on charge, go to the bathroom and have a drink of water. Before sitting up at this stage I am AWAYS exhausted, noticably shaking, struggling to focus my vision beyond a blur, and so mentally wiped out I can barely string a single thought together, not to mention thirsty, empty, and feeling tired down to my bones, off balance and like I want to either pass out or start sobbing any second.

But by the time I get back into bed I'm always seemingly fine, if not better than when I first started watching videos - and this fucking scares me.

Because that switch happens in less than five or so minutes! Nothing has changed in that time, I am still on the borderline of passing out, I am still exhausted, I am still in an absolute shit place both mentally and emotionally and quite frequently in the middle of a relapse, and god knows what else. NOTHING HAS CHANGED I'm just far too good at putting up a front even to myself, and so practiced at it I just do it automatically- even though this normally happens around 2am or 1am when there is absolutely nobody to put up a front for!

And when I get back in bed, if I didn't remember exactly how bad I had been not ten minutes before, even I wouldn't realise there was any issue whatsoever! Let alone an issue THAT bad

That means that every time I walk into the bathroom and instantly feel sluggish thoughts crawling through my mind and then rapidly speeding up to a somewhat normal speed, every time I fill my water bottle and watch as my hands go from shaking so bad I dropped my phone and struggled to take out my earphones to not shaking at all, every time I stand and feel the majority of the tension leave and my shoulders force themselves up and back into more of a slouch and less a slump, every time I realise my vision is suddenly clear enough to be able to plug my phone in, and balance good enough to safely walk past the landing...It scares the fucking shit out of me.

I don't make any conscious, or as far as I'm aware, unconscious decision to do this, to put up this front - it just fucking happens without my input, automatically. That's terrifying because it suggests it's going to be difficult or even impossible to stop this, or any lesser form of this, from happening in the future

It also alarms me that it tricks me, that it goes so far as forcing my thoughts and mindset to shift, and that it happens when I'm entirely alone and safe. That's fucking scary - how do I stop it if I'm not even aware of it, if it's deep enough to change how my thoughts are happening, if no outside input seems to affect it? It's not a case of just, remove the bad input and I'll be fine - what do I do with that?!

Additionally, the fact that it's so thorough, tricks even me and happens without my input..I'm horribly aware that means that at more or less any moment I may be maintaining this front and not even realise. And I know for a fact it impacts my decisions...It makes me feel scared that maybe, maybe I'm hurting far more often and far more than I think, maybe I'm effectively lying most if not all of the time, maybe I'm making decisions I wouldn't if I wasn't shielding, maybe, maybe others don't even know me properly with this.

It's only maybe ten minutes total between music (shield down) and getting back in bed (shields up)

Sometimes I suddenly and very temporarily break free of this front, or apathy, or simple fear and nonoIcan't, and message my friends trying to tell them things I urgently want to share that I know I won't be able to when those shields come back up, so it's urgent and important.....And sometimes they don't reply in time and they ask something like, "what is it?" but I won't have the words anymore, or it won't seem important, or it will seem like the worst idea ever, or I'll struggle to even remember what "it" was, or I'll feel unable to say it

But every time I know I urgently wanted to say something, and now I can't because my mind and body is just, doing its damn best to protect me, which I appreciate but I just....But it also is awful because I don't know how to tell them in a way that makes sense "I'm sorry. You missed your ten minutes. I can't, I can't, I'm sorry - I want to but I can't. You missed it" so...so often I end up deflecting because at that point really do anything else

And usually in THAT kinda scenario it's not ten minutes (it may be anywhere from 2 minutes to 2 hours) but it never lasts too long so, so if they're not online or busy or caught up in another conversation etcetcetc......I lose the chance to be honest.

And I often don't get another chance to be really, truly honest, for LITERAL MONTHS

Apparently it's been determined that this is the best way to keep me safe and not in even worse health, but it's also incredibly isolating and I hate it

Quite often all I really want to say or do is more than a quickly passed over "I love you" and a brief hug - I want to be able to say "I love you. You're my best friend and I love you for this reason and this reason and this reason. You're amazing, and I love you - you help me in this way and this way and this way and I'm so grateful. If there's ever anyway I can ever help you or make you happy...Tell me. I want you to be happy. I love you - how could I not love you?"

And I CAN'T and I FUCKING CAN'T and I can't share any of the other stuff about my experiences or personality or relationships or opinions or anything that my brain has deemed "unsafe" BECAUSE OF ABSOLUTE PIECES OF SHIT WHO THINK IT'S SO FUCKING FUNNY TO BULLY AND BELITTLE AND GASLIGHT AND EMOTIONALLY ABUSE AND HURT AND IT'S NOT FAIR

The three biggest things for me, are affection, understanding, and being close to people

Do you know how much it fucking kills me to not be able to say EXACTLY how much I love everyone near me, because I was told so often that to love anyone and especially to love so freely, was am invitation to be hurt?

Do you know how alone and miserable and frustrated I get when I try to be understood and understand others and succeed in neither?

I nearly started crying one time because I was with my dad and sibling, and that was all, both of whom should be safe, and I started telling a funny story about one of our cats. And suddenly I just realised that the words coming out of my mouth weren't the truth. I knew damn well they weren't, and I hadn't been planning to lie at all, and I'd started off truthfully, but some stupid small part of me had started going "this isn't safe this isn't safe you'll be hurt they'll hurt you scream at you make you feel like you should be dead they'll make you cry then call you evil for it it's not safe it's not safe" so suddenly I realised the words coming out of my mouth weren't the ones I meant to say, and I tried to stop talking and it didn't work, and I tried to go back to how it actually happened or just my original story which was very very minorly altered (like 10% different from the truth) to keep me safe, but I couldn't and that scared me because I just kept talking, this version of the story that played up how cute and tiresome the cat was, that simultaneously diminished my part in it all and yet at the same time painted me as being silly and harmless and useful and entertaining and I just....I remember I freaked out a bit when I kept speaking even though I didn't want to, but that part of me was still going "not safe not safe not safe" and then I remember feeling for an instant like I was going to have to flee because I was about to start sobbing, but then I just felt some part of me shatter and go dim and silent and die. And suddenly I felt hollow and miserable and I was shielded again, and so I just kept talking even though later I cried about it and freaked out a lot and just...I hadn't even meant to lie. I was safe. I was among allies. It was a harmless story about a cat that didn't even feature me heavily and certainly didn't cast me in a bad light, but the entire time some part just kept chanting "not safe not safe they'll hurt you you musnt you cant you cant let them theyll hurt you its not safe its not safe its not safe"

And that fucking kills me

[thelittlestspider]

💜👻

@mvcreates

💜- top 3 favorite lines

hmmmm. okay forewarning: this is gonna be long. also spoilery. 

1. sage “kills” owen.

[warning(s): car accident, violence, torture, blood, guns, gunshots, and crying.]   

sageis driving when the tires are shot out, causing them to spin out andflip over a bridge. Sage is hella pissed. Like burn the world downpissed. She drags violet and carter out of the vehicle, laying themdown safely out of sight, and then goes to hunt down the fucker thatdared to try and kill them.

Shegoes up to the bridge to see a boy and a girl who she thinks might besiblings, holding guns in their hands. Sage holds up her hands tomake them feel safe.

“whoare you” asks sage, slowly edging closer to them.

Theboy smirks. There’s a look in his eyes sage dislikes immediately,something evil. “hm, nobody you need to worry about.”

sage’smouth quirks. “i doubt that.” she glances at the girl, then atthe gun aimed at her. They are fools, the both of them. She wouldhave thought they were trained better than this.

Sagegrabs the gun out of the girl’s hand, punching her hard enough todaze her. She spins lightning fast to hit the boy with the butt ofthe gun, then slams her hand against his chest with enough force tobreak ribs, dropping him to the ground. When he holds the gun up,wheezing for breath, sage wrenches it from his grasp. He glares ather with a hatred that would be frightening if he wasn’t so pathetic.

“thiswas your idea, wasn’t it?” she asks, voice low, soft. “i hopeyou’re satisfied with what happens to you now.” his sister screamsat the first gunshot, tears streaking her face, her handoutstretched. Sage glances at her. “get out of here while you stillcan. I might not feel so charitable once i’m done with your brother.”

theboy gurgles as blood fills his lungs. His sister cries. Sage watchesthe scene, unmoved by their pain.

“what’syour name?” the girl looks up at her with frightened eyes, lipsquivering against her sobs.

“w-what?”

“yourname.”

thegirl opens her mouth and closes it again, struggling to draw breathinto her lungs. “bella. My name is bella.”

“thankyou. I just wanted to know who i’m dealing with.” sage walks aroundthe boy’s legs to stand next to his side. He gives her that glareagain. She narrows her eyes at him, places her foot on his gunshotwound, and presses down. “Now i’m going to offer you a way out ofthis. You leave him here, I spare your life, you live the life you’vealways wanted free of this cancer.” he screams as she presses downharder, grinding her heel into his wound. “he made you do this,didn’t he? He’s always making you do things you hate.”

“yes,”whispers bella. More tears fall down her face. Bella’s guilt ispalpable.

“go.”

bellastands on shaky legs and walks away. She doesn’t look back.

i mean. it’s gonna have to be rewritten but like sage is so fucking raw in this scene i had to put it here. 

2. nina tells carter about her abusive ex kyle. i really like bc it was one of the scenes i wrote that solidified the bromance between them. 

[warning(s): talk of emotional abuse and gaslighting.]

the party has been going approximately an hour, when they realize nina is nowhere to be found. Violet sends carter to make sure nina hasn’t been kidnapped or eaten, or boarded herself up in the bedroom to avoid an awkward conversation.

Eventually carter finds her sitting in one of the lawn chairs in the backyard, gazing up at the night sky. She looks so serious sitting there, knees pulled up to her chest. Carter wonders if the void would give him the answers to life’s mysteries if he asked, or if it would stare back at him with its vast coldness, as unknowable and everchanging as time itself.

He plops himself into the chair next to nina, deciding nina’s troubles are more important than the void.

“are you alright?” asks carter, copying nina’s sitting position.

“yeah, i’m fine. I get overwhelmed when it’s a big crowd of people. So sometimes I have to go hide away somewhere when it gets too much.”

“um, ever since I was a kid, i’ve always liked going out at night and talking to the moon. I’d tell her about my day, or about the books I was reading.” nina smiles jewel bright in the faint moonlight. “kyle always told me I was weird for doing that.”

“was kyle nice to you?”

“most of the time. I guess.” nina looks down at her hands, fiddling with a thread on the sleeve of her cardigan.

Carter waits for her to speak.

“kyle could be really mean sometimes. He would tell me I was weird and that’s why I had to have the moon as my friend, because I couldn’t get anyone to be friends with me.” nina’s eyes become shiny as she talks, reliving an open wound. “and when i’d cry because it hurt so bad, he told me he was sorry. Then he would um,” nina sniffles, wiping tears away with her sleeve. “he would buy me gifts, take me out to dinner; that kind of thing. He was so sweet that I forgave him, and I’d start to wonder if I had overreacted, like maybe I just blew it out of proportion.”

“but I wasn’t carter, I wasn’t.” nina’s face scrunches up. “he didn’t care about me at all. When the ghosts hurt me, he didn’t believe me. He said I was just making it up for attention.” carter wraps his arms around nina, rubbing her back as she cries. “tiffany was the only person who believed me.”

“i’m going to set him on fire,” says carter, deadly calm. “and then i’m going to use him to light my cigarette.”

“please don’t do that,” nina hugs carter tight, resting her cheek against his shoulder. “but thank you.”

some of this is gonna be rewritten bc of plot related stuff, but i still really like the lines in this.

3. carter confides in nina about a one night stand gone wrong and about his past. nina is heartbroken. 

warning(s): mentioned slutshaming, implied domestic violence and sexual assault. it’s not graphic or anything like that, but still heed the warnings just in case.

nina hears carter take gasping breaths behind the door as he cries, and holds her clasped hands to her chest, a terrible ache in her gut. She recognizes that kind of crying; the kind of sound you make when you try so hard to stop, but you can’t because it’s pouring out of you. All of the hurt comes out in these kinds of moments. Nina closes her eyes, bracing herself for the fallout.

She raps her knuckles on the door. “carter, can I come in?”

“come in.”

carter’s sitting on the toilet seat, lips pressed together against another sob. His face and eyes are red and his nose is dripping. He grabs a handful of toilet paper and wipes his face, trying to look brave for Nina and utterly failing in the attempt. Nina looks back at him, thinking Who did this. Nina sits on the floor next to him, back resting against the cabinet, arms draped around her knees. She waits there looking down at her nails to stop herself from looking directly at carter’s downturned face. The trick to getting carter to open up is to let him talk first. She tried to force it once and saw that naked look in his eyes, before he flew away like a startled bird. Out of the corner of her eye, carter sniffs wetly, tears clinging to his lashes.

“i’m sorry,” rasps carter. “i didn’t want anyone to see me like this.”

nina chances a look at him. “what happened?” carter opens his mouth, then closes it. More tears fall.

“some guy I went out with, we– we were having fun. And um, he asked if i’d go back to his place. So I said, “okay.” but once we got there…” carter blinks, eyes distant. “he started getting mean. He called me a, a slut, and he sounded so much like him, I just couldn’t–” he puts a hand against his mouth, lips trembling. “i left.”

I’m so sorry, Nina thinks, blinking back the warm pinpricks behind her eyes. She clenches her hands into fists, feeling her palms itch with the urge to hurt whoever gave carter these wounds.

“if I ever find him, he’s a goner,” says nina, jaw set.

“bella beat you to it,” replies carter with a watery smile.

i can’t spoil what’s gonna happen, but nina sort of plays a part in owen’s eventual downfall. 

👻- 2 or 3 sentences from something you haven’t posted yet

tiffanysees carter grinning down at his phone during break and it takeseverything in her not to lean over his shoulder to find out who he’stexting. The curiousity is killing her.

“so…”she settles onto the stool next to carter, trying to be cool andfailing miserably. “okay you know I can’t be chill about anything.Who are you texting?”

“there’sthis girl. Her name is nina. She likes ballet and horror andantiques. She’s really cool.”

“likebuddy cool or girlfriend cool?” carter looks at her with such blankconfusion – like the thought of nina being anything more than afriend had never occurred to him – tiffany almost laughs out ofreflex. Luckily she doesn’t. She’d hate to put that red tinged,shamed look on his face he wears when he feels he’s done somethingwrong, only he doesn’t know what and he’s being laughed at for it.It’s a look she’s seen him wear too often.

“well,i’m glad you made a friend. I know how hard it is for you.” tiffanyprobably knows better than anyone how hard it is to find a friend.Especially when everyone knows you’re different.

It’sone of the loneliest things in the world.

[strapcats]

Thicker Than Water (Part 6)

↬ Genre: Gang au, angst, drama, eventual fluff

↬ Pairing: Jeongin x Chan

↬ Word Count: 2,390

↬ Description: Dépaysement- (n.) When someone is taken out of their own familiar world and pushed into a new one.

–

Yang Jeongin is a young Busan runaway with a sharp tongue.

Bang Chan is the easily-offended leader of a crime syndicate.

Read on Wattpad // Read on Archive

Part(s) One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six

Chapter Six

Jeongin awoke to the sound of his bedroom door screeching open at the same time as his alarm going off. He wrinkled his nose and pinched his eyes tighter together in deep distaste at all of the noise, before reaching over and blindly turning off his trashy alarm clock. He sat up slowly and rubbed his eyes before opening them cautiously. He saw BC squatting down in front of him with a cruel smile on his face.

“Morning fox! We gotta get moving, I have work to do this afternoon. So throw some clothes on and meet me in the gym.” Chan spoke as he ruffled Jeongin’s hair, causing the younger boy to lazily bat his hand away. Chan chuckled before leaving the room, letting Jeongin to change out of his pajamas and into some workout clothes. He did so swiftly and sauntered into the warehouse’s makeshift gym once again. BC was on the ground stretching out his arms, his legs crossed. Jeongin followed suit, stretching out his arms first and then his legs, pushing himself into nearly a splits to stretch his thigh muscles. Chan laughed a little at the sight.

“I had no idea you were so flexible, Jeongin. What other tricks are you hiding from me, kid?” Chan spoke as he tried to copy what Jeongin was doing, only to fail miserably. The older man wasn’t very flexible at all, he didn’t have to be. He relied on his wits and his strength more than anything else, he let other people to the flips and wall climbs.

“I’m not hiding shit, Bang. So shut it and let me stretch.” Jeongin spit his words sleepily, switching the leg he was working on. Chan rolled his eyes and followed the younger’s example as they worked. After about ten minutes, the pair of boys stood up and got to work. Chan pushed Jeongin much harder than Felix, just like he had suspected, but he worked through the pain he was in. Sets of pushups, pullups, burpees, and planks, Chan let him rest for a few minutes.

The young boy was drenched with sweat, and collapsed onto his back after guzzling water. It was the first break Chan had given him, and he felt like he was going to die, he was so exhausted. His trainer disappeared into the supplies closet momentarily before coming back out with an armful of thick rope, an evil smile making its way onto his face. Jeongin sighed and squinted his eyes closed. He didn’t know what he was about to be told to do, but he didn’t like it already. The black-haired boy heaved himself up off the ground and walked over to BC.

“What’s all this?” The young boy asked unenthusiastically as he took another gulp of his water. Chan was kneeling on the ground hooking the two ropes to steel loops in the wall and untangling them from each other. Jeongin tilted his head in confusion.

“These,” Chan said, standing up and motioning to the ropes on the ground. “Are called battle ropes. You’re going to train with them from now on, since you’re doing pretty well everywhere else. I want you to spend half an hour each day using them and when you can get them to the right speed without losing form, you’re training is done. Okay?” Chan explained the situation as he picked up one of the heavy ropes and wiggling it a little. Jeongin nodded slowly before walking forward and picking up the ends of the two ropes.

Chan stepped back and explained the proper form to Jeongin. “Put your legs shoulder width apart and squat down a bit. Make sure the muscles in your calves are being pulled tight, and then shake the ropes in opposite frequencies. Try to whip them as fast as you can, and don’t let them touch the ground.” Jeongin rolled his eyes at the task. That didn’t sound too difficult, right? They’re only ropes. So the young boy took a breath before whipping the heavy ropes in opposite ways, pulling them slightly to keep them off the ground. Just when Jeongin started to think he had gotten the hang of it, the backlash from the ropes started to hit him in waves, knocking him off his feet and making him let go of the ropes to stumble backwards into Chan. The older smiled and caught him, only to push him back towards the ropes and nod, as if to tell Jeongin to keep going.

After a while, Jeongin’s vision started to blur from exhaustion, and Chan had left the gym. Just as Jeongin was about to quit, Felix poked his head in the door to the room.

“Chan says you can stop now, Jeongin. Are you okay? Can I get you anything?” Felix asked his questions kindly, clearly worried for the younger. Jeongin heard his words and collapsed onto his knees before falling backwards, panting hard and trying to get his heart rate to stabilize. Felix rushed over to him and put to fingers to his neck to take his pulse. His veins were bulging out and his palms were bleeding from the abrasion of the ropes. His heart rate was pounding, and Felix’s eyes flashed with worry before Jeongin shooed him off.

“Jesus, he really is trying to kill you…” Felix mumbled as he grabbed Jeongin’s water bottle for him. Jeongin nodded slowly as he pushed himself up into standing. Felix ran over again and steadied his younger friend, handing the young boy his water bottle and slinging one of his arms over his own shoulder, helping Jeongin walk out of the gym room. The pair walked down the hallway and into the main area, where all the boys were sitting down to dinner, chatting and laughing, with Chan at the head of the table sipping a beer. His eyes locked with Felix’s and the younger death glared into the older as he passed, before helping Jeongin into his room and grabbing him some clothes. The white-haired male had been lending Jeongin his clothing until Chan decided to be nice enough to take the young boy out shopping for his necessities.

The younger boy collapsed onto Felix’s bed once he let go of him, and Felix turned to grab some clothing before leaving the room and shutting the door to give Jeongin some privacy. He walked back to the dining table where hushed whispers filled the air and stopped abruptly once his chair squeaked to show his arrival. Seated next to Jisung, the freckled boy rolled his eyes at the immature greeting. Changbin broke the silence first.

“Is Jeongin feeling well enough to come eat with us? If not someone should definitely bring him something to eat.” The buff male spoke clearly, eyeing Felix across the table with an all-too-knowing gaze, and the rest of the table hummed in agreement. Chan scoffed audibly.

“The kid is being overdramatic. He’s fine, so don’t baby him.” He spoke bitterly before scooping a forkful of steamed vegetables into his mouth. Felix tried his best to hold back in anger, though it didn’t work very well, as everyone could see he was fuming. Seungmin opened his mouth to speak, but was cut off but Felix’s rough voice.

“Why’d you push him so hard today Chan? No, actually, why do you always push him so far? You’ve never treated any of us like that, even when we were just as snotty and entitled as him. So why are you so cruel?” Felix questioned intently, standing up from his seat as he did so, causing his chair to squeak backwards behind him and for all eyes to be on him. He slammed his fist on the table in frustration. “He’s a good kid, hyung! He’s sweet and bubbly and really wants to please you, it’s all he talks about.” Felix’s soft features were shifted into a desperate form, silently pleading with his leader to be kinder to the newest recruit. Chan chuckled darkly at his inferior, causing a couple of shifty glances to pass between the members.

“Well, looks like our sniper here has a crush boys! Tell me, is that why he’s been wearing your clothing since the first week he got here? And why you cook for him, let him sleep in your bed if he’s cold, and treat him like a baby? Don’t think I didn’t notice, Felix, you aren’t slick. And you want to know the reason I’m so hard on him? Huh?” Chan spoke harshly, his cold words cutting through Felix’s confidence, the younger gulped expectantly.

“It’s because he’s talented. He’s smart, quick, strong, he could be the syndicate’s best runner, his skills could put us so far above the rest of the gangs, it’s crazy. He thinks he’s trash though, because I am teaching him discipline. If he doesn’t learn it the hard way he’ll separate and then he’ll become our downfall instead of our weapon.” Chan explained, folding his hands under his chin and resting his head on them. He looked down to his half-eaten food and sighed solemnly.

“I hope you don’t step out of line again Felix, otherwise something might happen to this little crush that you’ve developed… I’d hate to step on your feelings.” Chan hissed his words bitterly, causing a ripple of apprehension faze through the members, who were sat petrified at the fight that just went down in front of them. A shrill laugh sounded from the couch, where - as Felix and Chan only just then saw - sat Jeongin in a bubblegum pink hoodie and basketball shorts he had found in Felix’s room. All of the member’s eyes widened at the unsuspected guest.

“Thanks for all the compliments Channie-hyung! It’s really sweet of you! I’m glad I know your intentions now, so I can hold it over you. I won’t leave, so don’t worry about that, you guys have a panini press! I wouldn’t leave that shit for anything.” Jeongin spoke like he was in Chan’s position now, in power, superior to the other members. He stood up from his place on the couch and walked over to Felix slowly, ruffling the older’s hair just like he had done to him many times before.

“I know you don’t really like me like that, hyung, Chan is just a little bit jealous because you get to spend so much time with me.” Jeongin gave a big eye smile to the freckled boy, shooting a cheeky glance to Chan when he spoke his name. The youngest boy heard Chan audibly growl at his dig, which made his chest swell with accomplishment a little more than it should. Felix’s face heated with a blush at the situation, he thought it was funny that Jeongin was so blind, even though it was convenient for himself.

Jeongin sat down at the large table, moving his plate to reach of food that was laid out. A serving of fried rice, some steamed veggies, it looked delicious to him, so he smiled. Felix was looking at him like he had just committed a crime, as were Hyunjin, Changbin, and Minho. Seungmin and Jisung look frightened, Woojin looked disappointed. Jeongin began to eat when Chan’s chair now squeaked and the fuming man stood up in frustration. He glared at Jeongin across the table, and then stormed out of the room, making good time towards his bedroom. Woojin sighed, as did Hyunjin and Minho. Jeongin looked around, confused.

“Why’d he go? He didn’t finish his food…” Jeongin looked at the now empty seat, and he heard Changbin scoff at his thickness.

“Are you really that dense, kid? You pissed him off, and now your neck is on the line because you couldn’t hold your god damn tongue. Have fun on the streets.” The straight-haired male said. He shook his head lightly, chuckling at the youngest member before tapping Hyunjin on the arm and flicking his head towards the bedroom hallway. Hyunjin nodded and made eyes with Minho, and then all three of the older boys stood up from their seats and walked off, marking their disappearance with one single screech of a bedroom door. Jisung and Seungmin slipped away silently and Woojin had followed after Chan shortly after he disappeared. Felix and Jeongin were the only ones left and they both picked at their food awkwardly.

“Honestly, I could take the effort to tell you off right now, but I just want the day to end. Just know I’m not the happiest with you, Yang.” Felix sighed defeatedly after a few silent minutes, picking up the plates at the table and taking them to the sink. Jeongin nodded and followed his actions, helping load the dishwasher as Felix finished cleaning the dishes. Felix gave a small thanks before walking back towards his room, Jeongin still following like a lost puppy, all the way to Felix’s room.

“Nuh-uh. Sorry Jeongin but I see Chan’s point. You do need to learn discipline, so you’re sleeping in your own room from now on. Goodnight.” Felix had turned around sharply when he felt the boy following him to his room, and shooed him away unhappily. Jeongin looked to the ground and nodded solemnly before turning and walking back down the drab hallway to his own pitiful excuse for a bedroom. His door screeched closed behind him and he shuffled his one blanket and pillow to look something like a sleeping bag again, before laying down on it and uncomfortably shutting his eyes.

Once Felix had closed his own bedroom door, he waited to hear Jeongin’s close, and then slid down the cold steel door until he was seated on the ground with his knees close to his chest. He ran a hand through his hair and knocked his head back against the door in exasperation. He needed to get over his crush, which is hwy he was locking Jeongin out now, but that didn’t mean he wanted to. He knew he needed to, for the sake of the clan. He regained his composure after a beat and climbed into bed, falling asleep nearly as uncomfortably as Jeongin, despite having a soft bed beneath him. His emotions were making him uncomfortable, ones that he hadn’t felt in so long, but now felt the need to rid himself of.

[cometkins]

idk how to make readmores on mobile so i logged back on desktop bc i need to vent this or it will traumatize me and my bpd is making me think ‘oh it’s fine now you got it out of your system’ when lmao it’s def not bc my body is shutting down so jokes on you shitbrain

it was two hours. two hours to finding out that mikey was sick to putting him down. it felt like weeks in that waiting room. he was running around happy the day before. i was out with friends and the day was fine. and then suddenly he goes into cardiac arrest. my mom’s been sick and kept waking up and that’s the only reason mikey even got to the hospital, because she heardhim struggling. we could have woken up to him being dead, suffocated.

mikey has apparently had a bad valve in his heart all his life, and there was no fixing that. the other problem is that he also had an enlarged heart, and it was 50% larger that it should be. his organs didn’t have room, and his lungs started to fill up with fluid. i’d noticed mikey wheezing even when he was laying down doing nothing for weeks and i mentioned it to both my parents and they dismissed me.

mikey also had diabetes, something his sister margie has been dealing with for a while. we didn’t know, and it seems like his blood sugar spiked enough only recently to b considered diabetic. i’d been trying to feed him less high calorie foods and treats but my mom kept giving him shit, including her fucking cereal milk apparently. the dogs having diabetes is something i 100% blame her for, and not something i will ever forgive.

but basically. to fix his heart problems and his lungs being flooded, he needed to be dried out with medication. the problem with this is that it would make his blood sugar spike, and you need fluids to dilute it. so. he was at an impasse.

apparently even without the diabetes though, his heart problems were just that bad. he might’ve had more of a chance, but it wasn’t good.

he couldn’t live outside of an oxygen tank. he was hot and uncomfortable. he was laying down when i came into the room he was being kept in, but he sat up when i showed up because he was happy to see me. he liked being pet and seeing us, but he was putting in so much effort just ot breathe and stay alive he couldn’t do anything else. he’s the kind of dog that if you let him, he’d lick your arm for hours, just because. there was no licking. he didn’t have the energy. he was so hot and thirsty and he was suffering.

so. he couldn’t live outside of the hospital, so we had to put him down. he was able to be in the room with us for a while, but he started having trouble breathing really fast. he was wheezing super loud and trying so hard just to breathe. his tongue got so purple and his eyes were so hazy and foggy and he looked so miserable.

i had brought my water bottle with me. the last thing i did for him was let him drink from it. it didn’t matter anymore, because he’d be gone soon. he drank half of it before the doctor came in to finish everything, and he looked up at me and he seemed happy. i’m glad i could do one last thing for him.

i couldn’t stop petting him through all of it. it was fifteen minutes before any of us worked up the will to leave.

my brother had no reaction or care. he’s told us he doesn’t like small dogs, and he felt nothing for mikey. he’s kicked and hit him before. i fucking hate him. he didn’t sit with him when he was being put down, and he didn’t pet him after he was gone. he’s a fucking monster and he’s evil and selfish and i fucking hate him. mikey was his dog for over 10 years and he didn’t give a shit.

my dad spent the whole day laying in bed and crying. i don’t think my dad cried this much when my grandpa died. he told m mikey was his favorite dog he’s ever had.

before we left to see mikey in the hospital my mom wasted so much time in the shower and blow drying her hair and doing her makeup. her dog was dying and she didn’t give a shit. my dad and i eventually said fuck it and left her behind because we couldn’t wait anymore.

just. his tongue was so purple. he sounded so bad. he looked so bad. he tried to be happy but he couldn’t do it anymore. and i have a really hard time dealing with death, i have fucking panic attacks thinking about death too much and thinking about having to suddenly die like that is hard. having to go from two dogs to one is so hard. i’m so worried about margie. i don’t think she knows that mikey isn’t coming back. i’m so worried that when she figures it out that she’ll start shutting down. i hear all the time about bonded pairs where if one dies the other goes shortly after from heartbreak. i really can’t handle that.

i’m so sorry mikey. that we failed to help you sooner. maybe you could’ve had a little longer. maybe we could’ve prepared for it. maybe you could’ve been more comfortable than suffocating on a cold tile floor in an unfamiliar place.

it’s not fair. it’s not fair that he had to go like this. my last dog died of cancer but we knew. she was able to be euthanized in our home. i hate that he had to go like this. i hate it. i’m so sorry. i’m sorry.

[randomfandomimagine]

No Matter What (Barry x Reader)

Character: Barry Allen

Fandom: The Flash

Categories: Reader Insert, Female!Reader

Title: No Matter What

  Requested by anon:

hey there! i was wondering if you could write a Flash request for me? The reader is part of Team Flash and an evil meta human kidnaps her and tries to force her to tell who The Flash is (maybe he hurts her, but you don't have to put that in detail bc Ik you're uncomfortable with that stuff) she ends up telling Barry's secret and when Barry finds her and saves her she is broken down for telling his secret, once she gets better Barry reassures her that it's okay and its all fluffy :3 thanks!!

Warning: Kidnapping and mentions of violence! Nothing hardcore or explicit, just letting you know in case it might make you uncomfortable.

I accidentally bumped into Barry and lost balance, but he quickly kept me from falling.

“Sorry, Bar” I nervously chuckled, embarrassed by my clumsiness.

“No problem” My friend dedicated me a friendly and sweet smile that made me grin as well.

He kindly patted me in the shoulder as he carried on walking to do whatever he was doing. After all, he was a very busy person, being the Flash and all that.

I just sat in my desk and proceeded to prepare my working area. I had arrived early and neither Cisco nor Caitlin had arrived yet. Only Barry, but he had super speed so it wasn’t really fair.

I started my computer and displayed all the papers I would need in the table, spreading them all over the surface of my desk. Then I cracked my knuckles, getting ready for another exciting day of work at Star Labs.

“Mornin’!” Cisco’s voice happily came, so I looked over my shoulder to him.

“Hi” I greeted him with a smile as he walked over to his own desk and took his coat off.

“Hello there, Y/N” Openly winking at me, he came to my desk and left a little bag on it. “This is for you”

I opened it, curious as to what he brought me, and chuckled a bit in appreciation. It was filled with candy: lollipops, gumballs, licorice and other sweet goodies.

He was such a sweetheart! We both had sweet tooth, and he probably bought me all that as he passed by the store to get some for himself.

“Thanks, Cisco!” Excited, I quickly picked a lollipop, took the wrapper of and shoved it in my mouth. I was craving it!

“We’re candy buddies after all” He joked as he sat at his desk and made his chair spin like a child.

We did share our snacks all the time, it was like our thing, apart from the usual chatting and being nerds together.

“Sorry I’m late!” Just then, Caitlin rushed in, waving at us.

“I’m writing this down, Cait!” Cisco teased her, smirking at her slip up.

“Don’t worry, he just got here” I tried to reassure her, to which she smiled.

“You look cute today, Y/N” Caitlin complimented me briefly as she rushed to organize herself for the day ahead.

“Look who’s talking” I told her back, taking the lollipop off my mouth so she would understand me.

“What about me?!” Cisco joked, pretending to be offended.

Barry happened to be walking into the room just then, so he followed along.

“Sorry, buddy” He laughed, making our friend pout. “You have nothing on them”

I laughed as I faced my screen once everything was on.

I loved working there so much, because not only my friends were the best. But I was helping no other than the Flash. I worked in an amazing place with amazing people and also aided a superhero to save Central City. What else could one wish for?

*

A disturbing tingling in my neck told me something was wrong as I made my way home from Star Labs. Like I was being watched or followed.

I rested my hand inside my pocket, against the phone just in case I needed to call someone to be safe. And that someone would probably be Barry for obvious reasons.

Not only because of his speedster status, but because he was probably the one I was closest with out of the three of them. And he was so kind and protective that I almost considered him like an older brother, I definitely loved him as such.

I looked over my shoulder, restless, and spotted a suspicious looking man walking behind me. It actually looked like he was following me.

Restless, I picked up my phone and called Barry. I really hoped he would answer, because I was getting really scared.

Whether it was to scare the man away once he saw me on the phone or to get Barry here with me, I didn’t care. Both of them would make me feel safe.

After a few seconds, he replied. Not even his friendly voice made me feel better about my apprehension.

“Yes?”

“Barry” I whispered worriedly.

“Y/N? What is it?” He told me, concerned as well. “Are you okay?”

“There’s a man in the street” I looked over my shoulder, hoping he couldn’t hear me. “I think he’s following me”

“Where are you? I’ll be right there!”

“I’m-“ I was about to tell him when I heard fast footsteps behind me.

He was getting closer.

“On my way home from work” The footsteps were barely a few inches behind me as I finished the sentence.

“Hold on, I’m on my way” Barry told me just as I felt two hands settling in my shoulder.

“Barry!” I yelled in panic, just before I dropped my phone and everything turned dark.

*

When I came to I felt confused, dizzy and disoriented. I opened my eyes, which felt painful because of the intense headache that spread all over my skull.

I tried to sit up when I realized my hands were tied behind my back. I was sitting in a cold metal chair that made me feel heavy and left me with a cold fear.

“You’re finally awake” A scary and hoarse male voice said from somewhere in front of me.

Everything felt confusing and surreal, which was probably explained by my headache. I might have a concussion.

“Where am I?” I asked him weakly, feeling my voice feeble and low. “Who are you?”

“How am I to question an unconscious subject?” He smirked, completely ignoring my questions.

“Question?” I cringed in fear at what that could mean and imply.

“Just one simple question” He held up one finger and took a few steps closer to me. “Who is the Flash?”

“Who is-“ I repeated, dumbfounded. “How am I supposed to know?!”

Even with a concussion, it was clear what was happening. I was a part of Team Flash, and that man somehow knew about it. Most likely, he was an evil metahuman who was trying to take down his arch enemy. The Flash.

“Oh, that’s easy...” The man got so close to me that I averted my eyes, tilting my head the other way. “I know you work with him”

“I don’t!” I exclaimed, loyal to my friend. It would be better if I played dumb. “And I have no idea who he is!”

“We can do this the easy or the hard way” That guy looked angry, and I did not like that. “Now tell me, what is it gonna be?”

I still looked the other way, until he held my face with rough hands and made me stare at him. I shut my eyes tight, uncomfortable and frigthened.

“Who is he?!”

“I don’t know!” I shouted, already shaking in fear. “I swear, I don’t know!!”

“The hard way it is then” His voice sounded extremely intimidating as he held a hand up.

I had no idea what powers he had, but I knew something for sure. I wasn’t going to like it.

*

I couldn’t stop crying. Everything felt so terribly wrong that it was the only thing I could do.

After that torture the metahuman put me to, I was sensitive all over. Every muscle sore because of the strain and pain I was subjected to, making my body shake and my muscles tense.

Not to mention the fact that I gave up. I had betrayed Barry by confessing.

I told that man who the Flash was. I spoke Barry Allen’s name. The words just slipped from my lips before I could stop them, screaming in the hopes that the nightmare would stop.

What I didn’t think about was the fact that I was no longer useful to him. I was probably going to die. And feeling so low and miserable, I was starting to believe that I deserved it.

After all, I broke Barry’s trust. I had betrayed him by exposing his secret identity and hence putting him and all of Central City in danger. And I would never forgive myself for that. I didn’t mean to do it, I didn’t want to talk, but I just couldn’t take any more of that terrible pain.

“Y/N!” A whisper came. “There you are, finally!”

“Barry…” I sighed in relief at the sight of him. Even if the guilt stirred my insides in a very unpleasant way.

“I’m here” He whispered soothingly yet worriedly. “It’s okay, I’ll get you out of here”

My friend untied me from the chair and then swiftly picked me up in his arms. Then his sweet green eyes fell over me as he observed me in concern. He probably didn’t like to see me so wounded and weak.

“Are you okay?” He asked me as he pushed me against him to comfort me.

I just nodded and hid my face in his shoulder, shaking like a leaf. However, it felt like I didn’t have the right to look him in the eyes after I discovered his secret identity to one of his enemies. It felt wrong, I felt wrong.

We moved quickly, and I knew that he was taking me out of there with his powers. It made my unease to lessen slightly because that man wouldn’t hurt me anymore. But nothing could ever reassure my tortured mind.

As soon as he carefully put me to my feet, I glanced at him and took a deep breath to gather all the courage I could.

“Barry, I need to tell you something” That was the least I could do, confess my mistake. My horrible and unforgivable mistake. “I told him who you are”

“What?” He observed me carefully.

“He took me to get to you” I explained, sobbing out of shame and fear still. “He… tortured me and I couldn’t… I ended up telling him your secret identity”

“Y/N…” Barry whispered sadly.

“I know, I’m despicable!” By that point, I was already crying. “You should have let him kill me, I deserved it!”

“Hey, no, no, no” Gently, he wiped my tears and spoke softly to me. “You don’t deserve to die, never! I know you had no other choice, I understand that!”

“But, Barry!” I complained, not wanting to let him forgive me because I couldn’t even forgive myself. “I put you in danger for my weakness! And with that, all of Central City!”

“You’re my friend, and I love you” Barry gravely told me, fixing his eyes on me seriously. “No matter what, okay?”

“So you’re not mad?”

“No! I know you didn’t want to do it. I don’t even want to think about what he did to you so you would talk” He shut his eyes tight, cringing at the thought. “The important thing is that you’re here, safe with me”

“But I told him your secret!”

“I know, but we’ll figure it out” He nodded and gently placed his hands on my shoulders, squeezing them fondly. “We will find a way to fix this, together”

“I can’t believe you’re still my friend after this” I sniffled, trying to get a hold of myself.

“I said no matter what, Y/N” He grinned a little to cheer me up. “Well, unless you were to do something terrible or something like that. This is really not so bad…”

I chuckled at his joke and glared at him in a thankful gesture that he understood.

“Let’s get those nasty wounds healed, okay?” Gingerly, he brushed his thumb against a cut in my cheek.

I nodded silently and sighed shakily, slightly wincing at the pain of my wounds.

“Everything’s okay” Gently, he placed his hands on my back and attracted me towards him in a warm embrace that was very much needed.

[emetofiend2dand3d]

Saeran can't stand seeing his brother with MC, so he decides to put ipecac inside of a lunch MC made for his brother. It tastes funny, and soon 707 can't stop vomiting and he feels bad bc he's throwing up mcs food while Saeran rubs his hands

This is evil and I love it so I had to do it. AND… I’m pretty sadistic so I took it even a step further and made Saeran sick too… hope you enjoy!

*NO other spoilers than the ones in the prompt* (Reminder, I keep MC genderless)

.

The whole day he couldn’t think of much else except for how excited he was to have the lunch MC made him. It was the only thing keeping his going as he worked on a particularly boring hacking case.

Saeran had been sitting around all day being nothing but a pest. It was bad enough he had to work, but having to keep track of his brother like he was a child made it that much more intolerable.

“I didn’t understand why you had to be so rude to MC this morning.” Seven said to him.

“I wasn’t rude. I didn’t say anything to MC.” Saeran replied.

“Exactly. You made it openly clear that you had no intention of being civilized.” He said, still focused on his computer.

“I hardly know her!” Saeran shouted, standing up.

“Yes, and you should treat people you don’t know with respect!” Seven stood up too, tearing off his headphones.

“Now you’re trying to give me a lesson and act like a brother?”

“Yes, because I am your brother!” Seven shouted.

Then the two fell silent and Seven sat down in his chair again, putting his headphones back on and escaping into the digital world.

Saeran left the room in a huff. He went to the kitchen and paced around, fuming. Then he saw the lunch that MC had come over and brought Seven that morning. It made him furious. He thought about throwing it on the ground or down the sink but he didn’t see how doing those things would benefit him.

Then he had a thought, and went into the bathroom, closing the door behind him.

He searched frantically through the drawers and cabinets. “Bleach? Rubbing alcohol? No I don’t want to kill him.” He thought. “What do I want to do?” He stopped suddenly. “If I don’t want to kill him then what?” Then he caught a glance of something he had pulled out of a cabinet and grinned. “I want to make him suffer. Yes, that’s it.” He pulled out a bottle and slipped it into his coat pocket. Then he went back into the kitchen.

He opened the food that MC had made for Seven. It appeared to be homemade kimchi. “I bet MC spent hours making this.” He chuckled to himself.

He pulled out the bottle that read ‘ipecac’ and poured a small amount on the food. At first he was worried it would be obvious so he only put a small amount, but it turned out not to be visible at all so he kept pouring. He could hardly contain his laughter and excitement to himself but he realized he had to stop or Seven would notice it tasted off. He restrained himself and returned the bottle to its original spot. Then he sat and waited.

.

At exactly noon Seven stood up abruptly and announced. “Finally! I get to eat lunch.”

He went to the kitchen and sat down at the table with his meal.

Saeran wanted nothing more than to witness his plan in action. He went over to the fridge and poured himself a glass of water so have an excuse to sit down. It took all of his will power not to give away his plan on his face as he watched Seven swallow a bite.

He paused after the first swallow. “Huh. It tastes off.”

Saeran cursed in his mind. “Oh no. Everything’s ruined now. I shouldn’t have been so greedy.”

But Seven simply shrugged. “Oh well. MC made it for me so I’ll gladly eat it anyway.” He smiled, before he continued eating without a second thought.

Saeran let out an internal sigh. He was overjoyed that things worked in his favor.

Saeran didn’t have much patience, and fifteen minutes after Seven had finished eating he was tapping his finger wondering why it wasn’t working.

He was too distracted by his own thoughts however, to notice that Seven had been burping every a few times a minute not long after eating. He didn’t notice anything was off until Seven suddenly jerked away from his computer backwards in his chair. The movement was so abrupt and miscalculated that the cord to his headphones tore out of their jack while they were still on his head.

Before Saeran even understood what was happening, he saw something dripping down the side of Seven’s chair. He ran around to see the front of him and saw Seven covered in vomit. He was covered down his chin, all over his pants, and dripping down the sides of his chair.

Saeran didn’t know whether to be disgusted or ecstatic, but he ended up standing petrified in front of him.

“Well don’t juUHHhst stand there. You could help!” Seven coughed.

Saeran helped him cautiously, trying to avoid getting vomit on himself but it was difficult because Seven was drenched in it.

He dropped him in front of the toilet in the bathroom in Seven’s room and at once he began puking into it.

During a short break he began trying to undress himself out of his soiled clothes but he couldn’t even take his shirt all the way off before he was back over the toilet.

Finally he got out of his soiled clothes and sat on the bathroom floor shivering. “Saeran, can you please gaAAHHuut me a new pair of clothes from my room?” He asked between stifled gags.

Saeran said nothing. He was simply bathing in the enjoyment of seeing his brother weak, naked, and on his knees.

“P-p-please?” Seven begged.

“That’s right beg.” Saeran thought to himself. “How does it feel to be so weak?”

Seven pitched forward again, spewing out his stomach contents so violently he could no longer speak.

Saeran wanted nothing more than to continue to enjoy the show, but he worried it might be suspicious if he seemed to be getting too much enjoyment out of it. So he went to bring him a new pair of clothes.

When he came back Seven was still at it with just as much vigor as before. He helped dress his brother and Seven finally stopped shivering.

After an hour of consistent puking, Saeran had begun to grow weary of it.

By this point, Seven was drenched with sweat so thick it stained the new pair of clothing he got and his face was so damp his glasses couldn’t stay on his nose.

He was nearly on the verge of tears by this point. “MC. I’m so sorry.” He sobbed.

This drove Saeran up the wall. “MC?” He stood up shouting. “That’s all you care about?”

Seven looked up at him with a glossy sheen of bile stuck to his lips and his Adam’s apple bobbing up and down. “I wasted the food she worked so hard to make me. I feel terrible.”

“That’s why you feel terrible?” Saeran was in disbelief. “You don’t care that you’re sicker than a dog. You’ve been puking your guts out for over an hour now and that’s still all you care about?”

Seven didn’t understand why Saeran was getting upset, but without another word he left, leaving Seven on the floor of the bathroom.

Saeran decided to call MC.

MC came without a second thought the moment after hearing Seven was ill.

The look on Seven’s face alone when MC came through the door to see him a sick pathetic mess on the floor was incredibly gratifying to Saeran.

“MC…” Seven coughed out sob. “I’m so sorry. I wasted the food you gave me.” He wore a look of shame over his pale sickly complexion.“

Saeran was eating it all up. He couldn’t get enough of it as he watched Seven suffering guilt and discomfort simultaneously. But his excitement began to simmer as he watched MC tend to Seven like a nurse. Putting a washcloth over his neck and rubbing his back between frequent bouts of puking.

His pleasure was replaced with a cold layer of jealousy.

He went to the other bathroom in a fit of anger and pulled out the ipecac once more. Without a moment’s hesitation he swallowed a large mouthful and stomped back to the bathroom with MC and Seven.

He waited, but he didn’t feel anything. He was getting even more frustrated by the minute and felt he couldn’t wait any longer or he might explode. But then suddenly he felt a strange sensation that caused him to reflexively clench his stomach muscles. This only caused a burp, which he let out silently to avoid suspicion. But the next time it happened, he felt a surge of liquid rush up his esophagus and before he had a moment to realize what the feeling meant, he let out a deep burp which brought a waterfall of liquid escaping from his mouth, all down his front and on his shoes.

MC and Seven simply stared at him with their jaws dropped, when MC ran to his aid helping him undress and make sure he was okay.

Seven and Saeran now sat on the couch with trash bins in their laps looking miserable and MC sat between them, comforting them each time they were sick.

While Saeran felt terrible and was disgusted by the process of vomiting, he thoroughly enjoyed being tended to by MC.

He wasn’t quite as bad off as Seven but he vomited continuously for over an hour every five or ten minutes.

"My stomach muscles are sore.” Seven whimpered in a hoarse voice, and in response MC rubbed his stomach gently.

Saeran’ face suddenly felt hot and he shouted. “M-mine too!” So MC rubbed his stomach too.

The plan had gone perfectly. He had managed to make Seven feel guilty and get MC’s attention, when out of the blue Seven said. “But Saeran, you didn’t have any of the kimchi.”

Saeran’ face went pale and he began to sweat.

MC always caught on quickly and went to the kitchen to see if there was any spoiled food. On the way there though, MC passed by the other bathroom and saw the open bottle of ipecac.

Bringing it back for Seven to see, he was furious.

“You poisoned me? And yourself? Why?” He didn’t understand.

“You just don’t get it!” Saeran stood up and began shouting. “You could never undersand-uuhHGG.” While standing, he suddenly began gagging and fell to his knees, clutching his stomach as it recoiled, flexing painfully until it forced another sea of fluids out.

MC was quick, and placed the bin under his chin before he was sick all over the floor again.

MC rubbed his back as he spat up bile and other things into the bin. It’s okay Saeran. You are forgiven.“

[pluckedrosepetals]

i never expected to have this kind of moment with my mom before i got everything in my adult life nailed down but she said she was proud of me??

and she’s proud of me because of the kind of person i’ve grown into, not the things i’ve done in my life, and that the fact that i’m becoming an openminded, nurturing, introspective person (to her) makes her feel like she’d succeeded as a mother

as horrible as it is to say i think the breakdown of the relationship between my father and me made her think about what values she’d embodied to me and it made her appreciate the value of being a good person more because my father (even if he’s not straight up evil the way he comes across in his communications) dismissed those qualities in favor of concrete achievements and now neither of his kids will speak to him of their own volition and she can’t stand being in the same physical space as him

idk it just means a lot that she’s proud of me after how horrible our relationship was in high school and the early part of college

she also said that she knew i’d turn out well and that she’s doubly proud of my decision to go to grad school to be a therapist precisely because i decided it myself, i perished through undergrad and still decided i was going to get a master’s for a career track, and the fact that i found my way after being so lost meant a lot to her

i was always super scared that she just left me alone to my devices because she’d given up on me and she reassured me that that wasn’t the case, that she knew that because i was a person with my own individual ideas i’d make a decision somehow

plus she promised that if things went wrong in my life or i had regrets and needed to do something big with my life, she’d always be there to help with no judgment, which is HUGE for me because i was always so scared of being judged for failure

tbh i see bits and pieces from my classmates from high school and i feel so bad for them? because even if i didn’t appreciate it at the time my mom left me to myself a lot and i had a lot of autonomy until my father flipped out, and she let me be lost in undergrad and find my own way in my life and a lot of moms in my international school bubble were super aggressive and helicopter-y (and korean moms in korean public schools are even worse)

so many of them are highkey miserable, they’re either stuck in miserable tracks that their moms laid out for them in high school and they hate it, or they hate where they are enough to rebel when the stakes are too high for them to realistically experiment in the life they want and essentially pull a rebellious high schooler, 5+ years after high school

like, the people whose dreams aligned with their moms’ dreams for them are like, two (2) out of the 100+ i scanned, and one of them can’t even fulfill their dream anymore because her mom was too ambitious and overworked her when she had tendinitis and now she can’t play the flute anymore despite being a music education major

and none of them talk with their moms about anything of substance anymore, which they love to complain about at SFS mother reunions while they humble-brag about how they helicoptered their kids into successful jobs through aggressive interference and sometimes straight up nepotism

meanwhile my mom’s sitting at those reunions super smug because her child not only wants to go to grad school on their own, but also talks to her about their issues and the things that really matter to them because her opinion matters to them and she’s a safe person to go to

also i told her the things i was too proud to admit at the time (like the fact that i should’ve taken higher level math and i was really just being a baby and the fact that i shouldn’t have been so scared to tell her i wanted to go on leave) and we just, had a really good deep conversation? i could be vulnerable with her but it all felt so safe and i’m just not used to that from my family

my mom also gave me so much dirt and salt on the rest of my family lmao we talked about the ADHD and my current meds adventure and she felt so bad that she had been so hard on me in school when i had this disorder and i literally couldn’t help my brain being wired this way, and she said that she spends a lot of time bouncing between feeling bad that she couldn’t get me help for it earlier and resenting my father because apparently his health and every other excuse i’d heard for him not moving to america was FALSE he was anchored in korea because of my grandmother (my mom’s MIL which yikes so much baggage there) and my mom’s 99.99999999% sure that we could’ve caught the ADHD and the anxiety and the depression so much faster in america

it was just, really nice to hear that she also wished i’d been able to get help faster and she was talking about her experiences having a MIL bc of my current apartment drama with brendan and his mother and it just felt like she genuinely wanted to break the cycle of inheriting trauma from strained family/inter-family relationships which like, as a korean felt absolutely revolutionary because we spend so much time internalizing the inevitability of a bad relationship with mothers-in-law if we’re afab and she wanted to spare me that pain?

then again hearing my mom salt about my grandmother was hilarious in and of itself lmao

we also talked about my father’s painkiller addiction bc she was worried that i’d be dependent on a lot of meds in my life so i told her how much his addiction had scarred me growing up and how cautious i am with my meds and that made her feel a lot better about my use of meds for ADHD

idk i just

i have the best mom in the world! she trusted that i’d have enough of a moral and intellectual compass to find my way even if it was at a pace that was slower than who she’d perceived to be the competition, and then reflected on why it was so important that i compete in the first place, why can’t i just live? and then changed her attitudes which honestly, says the most about her out of everything i think

i love my mom