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missyasf · 4 years ago

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Game Of Hearts

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↳ Summary: Your life is in monotonous tones of grey, day in, day out. Nothing matters besides your sister, the only thing you remember is seeing fireworks before waking up to Tokyo abandoned . Soon enough you are properly introduced to the deadly Borderlands where you must fight for your life in Games to survive. When things can’t possibly get worse soon division arises and rivalries are made. No matter what though, you are constantly plagued by a blonde who, no matter how hard you try, just can’t seem to go too far without.

↳ Pairing: Chishiya/Reader

↳ Genre: Angst, smut, thriller

Word Count: 11k

___| Next

Trigger Warning: ⚠️ much like the manga/Netflix adaptation this will be a dark fic which includes mentions of prostitution, attempted murder, child ab*se, sexual harassment, heavy grief and attempted suic*de among other things. Additional warnings will be added for chapters when triggers are brought up. Please read with caution if these are triggers for you or just skip all together!

Side mention: This could be considered a prequel to the current Alice In Borderland. I’m writing based off the Manga bc I was a glutton and couldn’t wait no spoilers will be present as of...

Escapism

noun

the tendency to seek distraction and relief from unpleasant realities, especially by seeking entertainment or engaging in fantasy ♡

You had known all about this during your short lifespan, as a child you’d often play pretend with your sister that you were movie stars living in a five star hotel rather than the shitty busted up apartment on the wrong side of town. Escapism came in, many forms. It was often a way for people to cope psychologically, simply because sometimes, facing the reality of your situation can be too much for one person to handle mentally.

Or at least, that was the topic of your lecture today in class. The human mind always fascinated you. Even at the young tender age when your mom died and you watched your once cozy little family fall apart piece by piece until nothing was left in its wake.

It was your fascination that drove you now for most things, why? Why, why, why? You always wondered what the motive was behind someone’s actions, not only thing but you wanted to understand them better, to try and sympathize. You were already fairly intuitive in nature. It wasn’t difficult to read people. In fact your line of work made it easy, you’d watch a man who would be excited to be with you reach for his left finger as if used to touching something. A wedding band perhaps?

The lowlife cheater was fairly common in a whore house after all. Or the man who had been pissy this morning behind you in line because you had decided to try something new on the menu and you weren’t fast enough, obviously because he was tardy and woke up late, his shirt unbeknownst to him was button the wrong way and his tie loose and even the way his hair fell were all signs of being late to work.

It was the little things you noticed in people’s facial expressions, the way they moved and spoke. You could read people like a book, and sure sometimes it was useful. But you often wished you weren’t so perceptive. It drove you mad knowing when a potential love interest was no longer interested through a simple text or a friend not wanting to talk by their tone. Sometimes you wished you could just blot it all out, still, you lived like this day in and day out, you were used to this kind of thing and honestly. Friends? Love? Your gaze dropped a little to your feet, the pumps you were wearing a jet black and the heel too high for any respectable woman to ever wear.

...It wasn’t like you ever had any of those in your life and you had struggled to come to terms with the fact that you could survive without that kind of support. Still...it made you envious, the couple happily holding hands on the sidewalk. The group of friends all laughing at a table while they studied. Oftentimes these feelings are muted, but when you’re faced with something you’ve always craved, those muted feelings suddenly become hyperactive in your mind.

It’s pathetic, honestly.

“How dare you! You disgusting slut!”

In this moment however, you were brought back to reality at just what was happening, you squeaked loudly as you dodged the shoe the woman had thrown at you. This was all a regular occurrence, you had a lot of regulars who weren’t the most amazing people but hey, money was money. But along with them they also left a trail which their wives and girlfriends always followed. And then they always blamed you instead of their partner for leaving them for a prostitute despite you never having agreed to anything such as that.

It really wasn’t your fault, you were just trying to make a living while juggling with keeping up your own education, paying your fathers debts, rent and still somehow getting food on the table. What part time college job could provide that?

Prostitution wasn’t a job you would’ve gone into willingly but given the past and your trauma that was already laced in it you had been learning that sometimes because of the trauma we experience, sometimes people go back to that same trauma and actively participate in it as a way of feeling like they’re in control.

That whatever happened before, would never happen again if you were in control. You weren’t sure if you qualified under this category, trauma came in many forms but the one most used as an example in your class was that a study showed that women who were assaulted often develop a kink for consensual non consent as a way of coping with what happened, except this time, it’s in a controlled environment where it can end the moment they want it too.

Again, you weren’t sure you fell into this category, but you often wondered if your line of work was intertwined with your earlier memories when you were younger, if anything it brought comfort to you. Much of it, blotted out now simply because your mind couldn’t take it. Trauma expressed through amnesia was also much more common than many thought, and it’s so small, so easy to miss. After all how can you be aware of something if you have no memory of it anymore?

“Security!” Your manager screeched, two of the bodyguards were already between you and the feral woman who was ready to gut you clean as she screamed hysterically, her husband...your regular....at her side trying to get her to calm down only for her to come to her senses and slap him clean across the face. You didn’t condone violence, but he did have it coming...

You weren’t about to justify cheaters, you couldn’t imagine the hurt someone had to feel that not only did their partner cheat on them, but it was with someone...like you...You had been trying not to put down your job occupation, sex workers were just as valid as anyone else...you knew you would’ve thought this way if it was anyone but you in this position.

You sighed as you ran your hands through your hair, watching the couple get dragged out of the tight space of the brothel, “Jesus christ....didn’t you say you stopped using perfume because of this?” Miki, your manager sighed as she crossed her arms. You didn’t want to say your manager was your friend but she was the closest you had as you’d often complain to her about most of your problems. Sex work often attracted broken people, it wasn’t something she wasn’t used to.

“Yeah, but apparently he never got around to washing his clothes…” You wiped your mouth on the back of your hand, “Lipstick stain,” You glanced down at the ruby pink color that stained your skin now, “Fuck...that did hurt.” You rubbed your sore cheek that was still throbbing from where she had first slapped it when she ripped the door open of the room where she got to see with her own eyes you riding her husband.

It had happened so many times now you weren’t even embarrassed about someone walking in let alone a partner. Miki gave you a lopsided smile as she patted your shoulder, “Guess that just pays for being one of the best here. Did you at least get paid.”

You nodded, “Yeah, I always make them pay in advanced but I was hoping to get a tip afterwards...He was a lawyer so you know he had good money.” You sighed, crossing your arms, you were well aware of his partner because a lot of the time he didn’t even come in for sex anymore. It was funny how humans work.

He often felt his wife was overbearing and you had suspected some sort of verbal abuse by the way he talked about her constant screaming. Truthfully, you don’t think he ever intended on cheating with her. He just wanted someone to talk to without being judged, you could relate with sympathy to that, but he unfortunately chose to walk into a brothel instead of a therapy clinic and this truly was the only inevitable outcome. Still, you hope if for anyone’s sake, he gets that divorce for himself.

“Hey I think I’m gonna call it a day. I need to get back to Nanami, she was wanting to talk to me about college applications.” You sighed as you rubbed your neck, ever since she had graduated high school she had been chomping at the bit to start applying for college, maybe to just get out of the house and into a dorm. You couldn’t blame her and if she did that it would lighten your load a little.

Guilt washed over you at the thought as Miki chuckled, “They grow up pretty fast huh? My brother was the same way, except the moment he found out I was a sex worker was the moment he called me a whore and we haven’t talked since. That was probably about five years ago,” She crossed her arms as she sighed, “Crazy how the things we do for the ones we love, never appreciate our effort...I’ll see you tomorrow then?”

“If I’m not bruising.” You offered a weak smile as you nodded at her before going back to your room to get changed. Truthfully, you much like anyone else, often wished you could go to a world where reality wasn’t a concept any longer. Where you could lay out in the sun for the whole day and just soak up it’s rays with no worries or trepidations.

But sooner then later everyone had to face their fears. Even you, you supposed. But no matter how hard you fought your demons, they always came back tenfold. Again, you supposed your story was no different from tens of thousands, and yet you all live on regardless. Maybe it’s you who should be the one seeking therapy. Pulling on your jeans and the cropped top over your head before pulling the jacket over your arms and grabbing your bag.

The walk home was as quiet as ever, your hood over your head and earbuds any unwanted attention, it wasn’t too late at night, only eleven PM and your work had just been getting started but that had ruined the night for you and besides, you had already failed a test today, you could use the sleep tonight.

Occasionally you’d hear the sirens of a cop car passing by or a bystander shout, nothing out of the ordinary in this neighborhood. Walking up to the apartment complex you pulled the key from your bag as you unlocked the door. Quietly stepping insides as you shut the door before locking it once more. Your nose wrinkled at the smell of stale air mixed with rotten...something…

If anything, you were always lacking in something, you had been so busy most of the day that you never had time to clean anything leaving the house in a horrible state. Not that you thought this was much of a house.

Walking down the narrow hallway you opened the rickety door with a missing lock as you gave a brief smile to the small clump of bedsheets. Your sister was curled up and on her phone, eyes darting to the door with a hint of fear before she jumped up, “Y/n! You’re home earlier from night shift already!?”

You offered a smile as you set down your bag and nodded, sitting down on the mattress that laid on the floor as you replied, “Yeah, a coworker needed the extra hours so I let them cover for me tonight. Besides, you wanted to talk about college applications?” Your sister was under the impression your late night job was bartending at some hole in the wall downtown, where in all actuality you just went there to drink a few days and talk to the loud and sometimes obnoxious, but good hearted bartender who loved talking about his nerdy underaged friends that couldn’t do anything beside stay and drink soda.

It wasn’t that you didn’t think your sister would accept you, if she knew what you were actually doing. Fear, most times came in many different forms and this was one of them. You simply didn’t want to be judged, even by her. So nobody in your life truly knew who you were, and therefore, how could you hold the expectation for people to accept you into society if you were already self sabotaging yourself?

All philosophy aside, you were simply a lost soul, looking for your way in the cruel reality called life.

“Yes!” Nanami was chipper as always as she squealed, clapping her hands, “I…! I was thinking about applying to the university you attend! Maybe I'll get a grant and move into the dorms there? I already applied for several jobs, I’m just waiting on a callback!”

You offered a small smile as you hugged your knees to your chest, “I think you’d like it there, there’s lots to do around campus. But what will you go in for? The only advice I can offer is be sure it’s what you want to do.”

Nanami’s face faltered a little as she hummed, “Well...I thought maybe working with animals? I’d love to be an assistant surgeon in veterinarian? I know it’s a pretty...sad job but...I really like the idea of being able to heal such innocent things.” Your smile tugged into a gentle one at your sister. She was too tender for this world.

It had been your goal sense the day your mother died that you took care of your sister, it didn’t matter what happened to you. You could rot for all you cared at the end of the day, all you wanted was to look up and see your sister's smile and her happiness in life blossom. She more than anyone deserved it.

“I think you’ll be great at it.” You encouraged as you rested your chin on your hand, always happy to see her bounce in excitement as you yawned, your body was used to your demanding schedule but it was always more than happy to welcome a few extra hours of sleep.”

Hearing the door loudly slam close caused you both to jump, Nanami hurriedly crawled back in bed, pretending to be asleep as you frowned. Your dad must’ve come back home from wherever he was.

“Y/n! Just stay here! Can’t you talk to him later?” Nanami looked scared, she always did when he was around. But you weren’t about to stand down to the bastard any day of the week, you offered a weak smile as you replied.

“It’s fine Nami, I’ll be just a few minutes.” You replied, you knew that she knew, that was probably a lie. But you’d try your best, for her sake at least. But somebody had to put this guy in his place occasionally and it was always you. It results in a lot of screaming sometimes, other times he’d break down in tears or on a bad occasion you’d get shoved to the ground, a few times hit. Nothing major.

Walking out of the room you leaned against the wall of the entrance of the hallway watching your father stumble around in the living room, “Did you finally talk to the loan company?” You called out as you asked, not in a forgiving mood tonight. He had said he’d do this for two weeks in a row. The company that sank your whole family into the ground. The reason your mother couldn’t take it anymore and put a blade to her wrist.

Your father stood up, looking a little wobbly, obviously drunk, “Now listen here little girl I don’t have shit to own to you or anyone else.” You sighed as you tucked your tongue into your cheek, annoyance flowing inside you as you straightened up. You weren’t going to be bullied into being scared of this guy.

“Actually you do,” Your smile twisted into something more sharp, more bitter and sinister as you walked forward, “See, if you hadn’t of gotten involved in something shady like loan sharks we wouldn’t be drowning in debt and mom wouldn’t have killed herself because of you and both your daughters wouldn’t hate you. I know you drink away all our money in some pathetic attempt to escape from the cold reality that you fucked up your whole life and watched your family slip from your fingers while not even trying to do anything other then put us in further shit,” You closed your eyes as you tilted your head, “But the least you could do, is admit that. You owe us at least that for being a total fuck up.”

You opened your eyes to find pure rage brewing in your fathers eyes as you smiled once more, this time a false sense of sickly sweet tone to it as you shrugged, “Or you could live in denial, at this point, there really isn’t anything you can do to get anyone back ♡ ”

You had turned around, planning to tell Nanami that maybe she should go sleep over at a friends house today but you never got the chance, suddenly being slammed into the wall and flecks of spit hitting your face, “I am your fucking father! I deserve respect from you and your worthless sister! Do you know how much I provide for you both?”

Anger splintered through your veins as you grabbed onto his wrists, his fingers digging into your neck as you squirmed, “Like fucking what!? A shitty broken down apartment that your vacant from because you’re too fucking ashamed of yourself to even look at us sober!?”

Much like years in the past you weren’t surprised to hear Nanami cry as she rushed out of the room at the sound of you both screaming, “Stop!” She cried out, trying to break you both up, “Stop! Don’t fight! Why…! Why can’t we all just get along!” She sobbed only for your dad to shove her down making her curl up in defeat.

Alarm bells were triggered in your head at the sight of Nanami on the ground, she had never actually gotten hurt while in your sight and it was triggering something deep inside you as you watched him stalk up to her. Your hands shaking and rage boiling in your mind as you grabbed the closet thing you could find. An empty beer bottle on the table.

Your vision blurred and you don’t quite remember what happened other than glass shattering over his head and the brute force of you shoving something before blood was stained on your hands.

How did you end up sitting against the wall? Why was there….blood on your hands…? Your fingers trembled at the metallic sticky substance. All you could hear were Nanami’s sobs and cries as she frantically pushed herself away from the body slumped on the ground.

“You…! He…!” Nanami’s eyes brimmed with tears as you heard a loud boom making you jump, your eyes darting to the open window where….fireworks, big and bold crashed and crackled before you felt like you were sucked into a vortex making your whole vision black out.

Your head felt fuzzy and there was ringing in your ears as you groaned, curling up into yourself as the darkness beckoned you closer before you forcibly opened your eyes. You were laying against the hardwood floor. Beams of light streaked through the window and you could see dust particles in the air against the shower of sunshine that streamed in.

...Wait...Light? The thought had perplexed your head enough to make you push up from the ground, memories pulling into your mind as your breath became shallow, suddenly looking to the side where...you slumped against the wall. It must’ve just been a bad dream….your eyes flickered to Nanami’s curled up figure...a really vivid dream…? Something wrenched in your gut as you rubbed your eyes. What happened? “Nami…!” You whispered, forcing your muscles to move despite their protest as she whined.

After another moment she reluctantly opened her eyes, flickering around before she suddenly scrambled up, taking a deep breath as if realizing what had happened before, looking towards where your dad once was she frowned, “...I...What…” She seemed just as perplexed as you and if her face was anything to go by, last night had obviously happened, “Is dad…” She looked at the absent place of the floor.

Leaning against the wall your eyes darted around the room, “I guess so…” You silently felt relief at knowing your dad was still very much alive as you leaned back as you closed your eyes, trying to remember what had happened before everything went dark...oh..! The fireworks...had it been a celebration last night? Your brows pinched together, something felt...off...getting up you opened the door to the apartment walking out.

“Y/n? Y/n! Hey! Where are you going!” Nanami called out, quickly chasing after you as you frowned, cars were parked odd and there was no one out on the street...as in...at all...Something was very wrong and you couldn’t figure out what.

“Wow...it..must be a slow day…” Nanami felt a sense of discomfort at the lack of life as you both walked down the side walk, it didn’t just feel like a slow day it felt, apocalyptic. As if humanity just left on it’s own leaving nothing but an empty city behind. Cars were parked on the curb and a few even left in the street.

“No, it’s like everyone vanished...This is really weird.” You wrapped your arms around yourself as you frowned, looking around as you came closer to where typically it would be a booming part of the downtown but it was empty, just as everything before.

“Well, maybe it’s a national holiday?” Nanami rubbed her head, trying to make sense of the situation just as much as you, surely everyone wasn’t...gone...right? She looked around as she bit her lip, second guessing herself at all the cars that were vacant, “Hey Y/n.”

You paused as you looked at your sister, curving an eyebrow as she offered a weak smile, “What if everyone got raptured away like they talk about in christanity?” Your expression flattened as she giggled, obviously getting a rise out of you as you crossed your arms.

Raptured? Where? To heaven? “Wouldn’t it be fire and brimstone then if that was the case?” Nanami pouted at your words as you shrugged, snickering yourself at her expression, the tables now turned as you sighed, “I don’t think there’s anyone left in Tokyo...I mean, it feels like...we’d have seen someone by now...right?”

“Well…” Nanami frowned once more, a little disturbed at your words as she spoke, “There’s no way everyone could be gone I mean, where would they go? And how could we miss something like that...Maybe the police found us and now we’re under some weird simulation.”

Chills spilled down your spine as you shoved her making her whine, “Don’t say that! That makes me feel all weird…! I didn’t…!” You cut yourself off, you didn’t what? Murder your own dad in cold blood...you looked down at your hands, they were free of any blood but it still felt like something like sin lingered. Like no matter where you went, it would always be stuck to you.

You didn’t like this, not one bit. Briefly you felt the urge to go hunt down your dad, he was a deadbeat but you would never...you’d never kill him....Right?

“Well…” Nanami hummed her eyes scanning ahead before they jumped to the mall that was up ahead, “Hey…! If nobody is here...maybe we could make use of it! Come on! Let's go!” You yelped at her grabbing your arm before dragging you ahead. Cars were all parked and yet not a single person exited through the mall's entrance. Something just felt off! You wrapped your arms around yourself as you warily looked around the empty mall, “Nanami I really don’t like this!” You looked around, concern bubbling inside you as she ran ahead into the store, digging through the section of clothes as she giggled.

“Relax! I doubt any of this is real and even so…! Who’s going to stop us!?” She shrugged as she bounced in excitement, “Oh my god! I had dreamed of something like this happening! Now we can do whatever we want! Go wherever we want! Y/n!” She gasped with a smile, “Now we don’t even have to worry about money!”

“We don’t even know if this is permanent.” You looked around warily, not partaking as she began plucking off the racks, “Regardless of what this is, I don’t like it. I want to go back home, our home. This just doesn’t…” You shook your head, “This just doesn’t feel right.”

“Well you can feel that way!” Nanami clacked her tongue as she gave a childish smile, “But I’m gonna go through this whole store and get a new wardrobe so feel free to sit on the bench and tell me what you think looks good!”

Looking away you sighed, unable to pinch the anxious feeling you had away as you sat down reluctantly as Nanami went into the changing room. Well...at least she was smiling and she was happy...With each outfit Nanami tried out and giggled, you giggled with her and maybe things weren’t so bad after all…

“What a perfect day.” Nanami hugged you close as she sighed, yawning as you looked up at the sky in awe, you had seen a single star while living in Tokyo before, but now it was filled with constellations and millions of stars that stretched for miles. You could stare at it for days and days. The sun had just set a little over half an hour ago and you were ready to retire and find something to eat at the apartment.

You and Nanami had tried going to the food court but much to your dismay everything had been...rotten...soiled and ruined, meaning there was no point in trying to find anything there and you were getting really hungry despite devouring bags of chips you had both got at the convenient store, another thing that stood out to you was that there was no electricity...at all..

Looking back up to the sidewalk something caught your eyes...was that…! Light!? “Hey! Nanami look!” You shook her making her squeak as she looked up ahead, “It’s the hospital! They have electricity there which means there’s other people! Of course! Why didn’t we think to check essential areas!? Come on! Lets go! I wanna figure out what happened.”

“Alright! It sucks that this is already over but at least I can finally charge my phone, the battery is pretty low.” Nanami nodded in agreement as you both made your way up the road.

The walk wasn’t too far and you felt excitement fill you at the sight of the hospital all lit up as you walked into the entrance, a frown slowly setting on your lips once more as you walked past the receptionist desk and…! Oh there’s other people!

You felt relief wash over your as you ran up, there were at least seven other other people here at least! “Hey! Guys oh my god. I thought everyone was gone! What’s going on?” You asked, smiling bright in relief that you and Nanami weren’t the only ones left behind. Was this some kind of evac point or…?

Silence ensued and you slowly began to frown as you felt everyone stare at you as if you were insane, “Um…” You wrapped a hand around your arm, suddenly feeling as if everyone knew something you didn’t, “What’s going on…?” You furrowed your brows as you tilted your head, unsure of why everyone was looking at you like this.

Somebody looked like they were going to talk to you, a guy relatively around your age but a woman stopped him- his girlfriend maybe? “Stop, the less that know the better chance we have.” She said quietly though you still heard just enough. Fear twisted inside you as you took a cautious step back...The...the less you knew?

“Wow, you guys are assholes,” A girl suddenly whistled out, she was sitting in a waiting chair, a cowboy hat on her head paired with distressed jeans and...a bikini top? Strange but you’d roll with it if it meant getting answers. She stood up as she offered a smile, “Akari, nice to meet ya’. You folk must be new to the Borderlands huh?” She jutted her bottom lip a little as you frowned.

“Um I’m Y/n and this is my sister Nanami...?” You introduced yourself despite feeling confused as you raised a brow, “Borderlands…?” You echoed, what was that supposed to be? Other than Tokyo?

Akari gave a nod as she let out a brief chuckle, as if amused by your confusion but you sensed she had no real ill will unlike....your eyes checked to the couple that stood off in the corner on their own, “That’s what they call it here,” She nodded in affirmation as your eyes darted back to her in confusion, “To be frank with ya’, I don’t have a damn clue what's going on. Nobody does. But ever since you crossed the threshold there’s no going back, so I’ll be brief. We’re all considered outsiders here and we participate in games at venues such as this to extend our stay.”

Nanami and you looked at one another confused as Akari waved you over to the table in front of a TV, “Here, you’ll wanna put these on, it’s for the game.” She explained as you carefully picked up the metal bracelet, something about it felt ominous as you reluctantly put it on, jumping at the way it latched together and there was no getting it off now, “Word of advice, just don’t panic and you probably won’t die.”

“What?!” You screeched as Akari smacked your back, panic evident in your voice as you turned around to face her making her laugh again, this girl was insane! She had to be! “You’re…! You’re joking!”

Akari wrinkled her nose as she tilted her head, “Ah shit, I wish I was- Oh…! There’s the last player!” Just on que everyone turned to look at who had arrived, someone heaving breaths with their hands on their knees as if they had sprinted. You were mildly worried at why he seemed so scared but you had a feeling that was the least of your problems right now.

“Y/n what’s going on…?” Nanami frightened grabbed your arm as she hid a little behind you due to all these immensing strangers that looked like they were ready to feed you to the sharks, literally.

The guy walked past you both as he put on his bracelet, your eyes sharp as you watched it latch together automatically, your gaze jumping to everyone's wrists to notice you were all now wearing one. The TV suddenly lit up.

Game

You squinted your eyes a little at the sight of the screen, just what were you about to unwillingly participate in…?

Difficulty: 5♣

“The game you will be participating in is, Monster under the bed.”

A playing card? Monster under the bed? Your brows furrowed as you looked at Nanami who shrugged a little despite her concerned expression, looking just as confused as you. You could’ve made a joke out of this, surely it would’ve been easier. Maybe everyone would bust out laughing and you’d be at the end of a poor joke but...somehow you felt that wasn’t the case. Thus paying very close attention to whatever was on this screen,

“Everyone will be sectioned off into pairs by the number chosen on your bracelet, when the doors to the ward open you will have three rounds ten minutes each to figure out who is the monster under the bed that must be returned to its own, once the ten minutes is up you must hide before you are found. If the selected pair that is the monster is chosen correctly it’s a Game Clear. If the monster is not found by the end of the third round or if the pair fails to hide it’s a Game Over.”

Rules:

Once the doors are open you and your partner must find a hiding spot by the time limit

Both partners must be hidden. If one is exposed to the monster it’s a Game Over for both partners

There will be an X marked on the ground to place the monster of your guess onto.

You will have three rounds of ten minutes each to find the monster.

Any attempt to remove bracelets results in a Game Over

If the monster is not found by the third round a Game Over.

The only Game Clear condition required is for the monster to be returned by the third round.

What…

What!?

“Now the game will commence, you have five minutes to figure out who you have been paired up with before the doors open.”

Your mind was blanking as you watched everyone look down at their bracelet, hurriedly you lifted your arm as your mind blanked 2 looking back at Nanami her lips were already quivering as she sniffled lifting her arm in defeat as your lips dropped open, 5.

“Hey! Guess you’re my partner!” Akari grinned as she wrapped an arm around Nanami who sniffled, “Oh…” She looked between you both, “Oh! Oh don’t worry! We’re not the monster so I’ll make sure your sister lives! You should go find your partner.”

Your hands trembled unsure of what to do before you went to hug Nanami, “Whatever happens just stay calm okay! I need to go find my partner now!” You whispered, kissing her cheek as she sniffled while nodding.

Everybody was shuffling around looking for their partner now, you passed by a few people, 4, 1, 3...did you even have a partner…? You scanned around, your throat tightening a little in panic, there had to be a mistake! There were only 8 people surrounding you- you yelped at the tight grip that suddenly held your arm forcing you to turn around to be met with a white hooded figure, a lollipop handle hanging and earbuds in before sighing, “So it appears I’m stuck with someone useless.” The man concluded as he stood up making you back away a little as your lips parted somewhat indignantly.

How...how rude! You looked up, unable to fully make out his face but you could tell you didn’t like him one bit, “I’ll…! First of all I’m not useless! I’m just trying to understand what's going on! This is insane! We aren’t actually going to die from this, are we!?” Pushing his hood down you were immediately met with a snide gaze and cat eyes that leered at you like you were nothing more then dirt beneath his feet, long blonde hair pushed behind his shoulders and his bangs hanging low, suddenly a viscous side smile appeared on his lips, “Apparently so, otherwise I wouldn’t have watched half my last game get their brains blown out and the other half hung.”

You reeled a little away from the blonde, your face dropped in semi horror, unsure if this was just a sick joke or he was serious. You searched his face a thousand times over, but for the first time in your life, you couldn’t figure out what his goal was. You couldn’t figure out anything about him, except he was exceptionally cold, “Well I don’t suppose I have much choice to doubt you,” He said with an annoying sing song tone as he rattled his wrist that showed the bracelet with a matching 2 on it, “My name is Chishiya, just stay out of my way and we’ll both live.”

How arrogant! You scoffed as he walked past you, not the least bit bothered at your offense as you whipped around, glaring at his back. How come out of everyone you got stuck with the most…! Pompous! Arrogant! Ugh! You crossed your arms as you followed behind him, stilling secretly sending daggers into his back with your eyes as everyone shuffled into the ward.

Hospital beds were scattered around the room, a few closets and one large vent at the bottom right corner of the room ahead.

“Wait, what is this?” The first person to speak was a fair thin older gentleman, he appeared friendly as he observed the room around him, everyone looked around in confusion as you noticed what he meant.

Any possible hiding spot was covered by either sheets of metal or locked tight...How were any of you supposed to hide if…!? The rules mentioned nothing about solving puzzles to gain access to a hiding spot!

“Forget that,” Another man said with a sneer he was broad and a bit older, well into his late twenties at least, perhaps a gym coach? Or maybe a wrestler of some sort? He looked like he could break you and nearly every other person in this room like a twig, “We need to figure out who’s the monster. “ He cracked his knuckles as you leered a little away and nobody spoke for a second.

Of course, who would out themselves as the monster, more importantly, how does one even know they’re the monster? You could immediately feel tension rise as the previous, more patient man spoke, a little more collected, “How about we just check one another's’ watches! If anywhere it would show us on that! One pair should work on solving these puzzles here so everyone has a place to hide”

“Unless the monster is among us and it sabotages us so we all die by the time limit.” The girlfriend crossed her arms as she darted her eyes around. Truthfully you didn’t know what to believe, the wording on the soundbox was rather confusing as to just what were you looking for. Was the monster supposed to be in the group or it’s own entity?

“If that were the case it would’ve showed up on our watches, which it didn’t. So that won’t work.” Chishiya spoke matter of fact, his tone cool as his eyes gazed across the room before he walked away from the group inspecting various hiding spots granted you didn’t think he was about to help anyone but himself, if anything you were at least lucky that him securing a hiding spot meant it was one for you as well.

You looked at everyone in confusion, some arguing while others scattered to look for a hiding spot as the clock ticked down. You breathed in relief at the sight of Nanami and Akari both going for a bed to hide under. Your gaze finally found Chishiya’s form before following him, unsure of what you were supposed to do, if anything outside trying to figure out just what the monster even was.

You glanced up at the digital clock that stood above the entrance you had just come in from, it was already a minute in before you searched the floor where you found a red X in the center of the room, that must’ve been the...what? Offering spot? You cringed a little at the idea. Looking forward you peered behind Chishiya’s shoulder deciding to not think about that, it seemed the metal sheet that had wrapped around the bed and was sealed to the ground was locked by some sort of metal device…? Contraption? Lock?

“Isn’t hiding under a bed a bit obvious…?” You frowned as you crossed your arms, unsure as you looked behind your shoulder once more to where accusations were already being thrown in the group.

“The vent is a decoy to make you waste time, I already checked,” Chishiya replied, his fingers nimble as they rattled the metal, “And even if someone were to accomplish it in the time limit it’s the most obvious spot the monster would first check. Next would be the closet given it’s at eye level and the first thing one is drawn too when they walk into a room.”

Your lips parted a little in surprise at his assessment...obviously he wasn’t just overconfident, “And why this spot?” If he had really thought about all this in less than a minute then...did he have a reason for this spot? You now found yourself, slightly less annoyed and a little more curious as to what was going on in his mind.

“If the monster were to check a bed it would be after his eyes are drawn to the closet. Next in that line of sight would be the vent directly across it, which would be his next place to look if not his first and vice versa. The beds are all staggered throughout the room making them less conspicuous compared to the other hiding places, the bed on the far end of the room would be no good.”

Your brows furrowed in curiosity at his assessment as you watched Chishiya blow a piece of hair from his face, wiggling out one piece of the knotted metal, “It’s too far from the entrance where as the one in the middle is by average the one most people would start with, where as the first? It’s almost too soon in the start to look there thus making it the safest.”

“It’s them! They’re over there conspiring!” You both twisted around to watch the broad man point an accusing finger at you both as your eyes darted from him to the clock on the wall, which read at six minutes. A few other pairs, relievingly so was your sister had started working on a hiding spot while a few others stood around and argued.

Your face coiled a little as you replied, not appreciating the accusation to such a baseless accusation, did they not realize the longer they argued the less time they had to secure a hiding spot? “Someone who’s terrible at playing the minority would often be the first to point fingers. There’s only six minutes left before the first round is over and we need to hide. But if you want to talk about this then sure,”

You stepped closer as you crossed your arms, scanning over him before continuing, “Let’s talk about the chances of you being the monster, ever since you first came in you’ve been all twitchy and acting like something is wrong. Even when we first got paired up, you seemed a little panicked. Anyways,” You turned around as you spoke, “How do we know one pair is a monster and not one single person?”

“Eh,” Akari sat on the bed that her and Nanami chose as Nanami fumbled to work out the puzzle, she had always been good at those! You felt assured as your heart beat frantically at the idea of them not being able to get a hiding spot in time, “Let’s all calm down,” She gave an awkward laugh, “This isn’t a hearts game, we shouldn’t divide our trust. This is a team building after all which means this game should be making us work together, the last thing we need to do is throw that away on our own accord.”

“...Team building?” You frowned as you murmured having not been aware that this was some sort of game category...Hearts? Clubs? The memory of the playing card flashing on the screen appeared in your mind again, right...was that to stand for some kind of game genre? If Clubs stood for team building then...there should be no reason that the monster is any of you. Why would they even suggest that to begin with?

Then...what was the monster?

“One minute remaining.”

The lights suddenly began flickering, “Got it.” Chishiya yanked the last piece of metal undone as he pulled the sheet of metal off, everyone was now scrambling and the few who had not done their puzzle were now panicking. Getting down you crawled under the bed, your back flat to the ground as you inhaled sharply as you noticed the lights beginning to dim, “This is...uncomfortable.” You mumbled, trying to ignore being pressed shoulder to shoulder with a man you didn’t even know besides him having a god complex, “We should’ve went with the vent.”

“By all means, if you want to try and get yourself killed already. Go for it.” You turned to look at him, dark endless cat eyes meeting you as you harshly glared at him, why was he so condescending!?

You were about to snap back something before you realized it was completely dark and the door slammed open causing you to jump. Was your heart always this loud? You could see the heavy boots step against the ground making you unsteadily inhale, swallowing as you closed your eyes. You could only place your trust that Chishiya hadn’t picked a horrible spot.

More importantly your mind was plagued with worry for your sister, you had been so caught up you hadn’t even tried to help her yet...did she even…! You heard a sudden loud scream from two people causing you to stiffen as you looked up at the bed frame lined with wooden planks. You could only cower back down at blood suddenly painting the floor.

Your stomach suddenly churned as you covered your mouth. So he wasn’t lying. Chishiya however looked just as nonpulsed as he did when he first told you himself, his eyes blankly staring up at the bed frame as if this was just a regular game of hide and seek as people screamed as they were torn apart.

Or that’s at least what you assumed it was.

After an agonizing few minutes the doors finally closed and the lights flickered back on making you breath in relief as you waited a moment, could you even bear to face what was waiting on the floor? You winced a little before something caught your eye. What was with all this extra wood stuck in the frame?

Chishiya had already gotten out from under the bed and before you suddenly heard a few girls scream, your sister among them making you puff and breath as you scrambled from beneath the bed.

Standing up your mouth agape at the horrid sight of the female and the broad male that had been too focused on accusing others, they didn’t have...enough time...it looked like they had been completely mutilated, blood pouring on the floor and the smell made you want to gag as you looked away.

“Well, now what do we do.” Akari scratched her head, also not looking phased that two people had just been brutally killed. Your eyes stayed placed on the bodies before they slowly trailed to your hands, the memory of blood staining them still fresh in your mind.

“Well we have to figure out where the monster is?” The girlfriend of the couple spoke up, she looked around somewhat suspiciously, “But I’m not sure where we could find it? Maybe it has to do with the bracelets? Maybe there’s a clue hidden.”

“Oh what about in the cabinets?” The collected man from before offered as he went to search the cabinets, your frown furthered as you glanced around. Everyone was now getting along, still on edge but along at least.

Chishiya only leaned against the wall, his hands in his pocket as he rolled the lollipop in his mouth, his gaze the same steely one it was before as if he had done his job in securing his temporary salvation and was now done.

Or maybe he just didn’t know what to do? It was obvious his strength didn’t lie in teamwork, clearly. But then again, you weren’t sure what was going on, you couldn’t get a read on him. Crossing your arms you stayed beside him, your eyes briefly washing over your sister who was working Akari to dig through a desk together.

“Cabinets and drawers are too obvious.”

Chishiya’s eyes flickered to your figure, his expression just as cold if not...a little smug maybe? He said nothing in return as you continued, “If we’re looking for a monster, it’s obvious it’s a metaphor for something. Inanimate most likely,” Your eyes flickered around the room, inhaling sharply, why did it feel like the answer was right in front of you?

Think…! You glanced at the clock, only six minutes left. The rounds were really short…! “It’d be something small and inconspicuous, something that’s in plain sight….but easy to miss...and the game said it was a pair which means there’s more than likely two.”

“Three,” You glanced at Chishiya as he spoke, pulling the lollipop from his mouth, that permanent smug look on his face as he answered, “Two is what they want you to think and if you spend a round searching for each like they hope it’s game over by three.”

You rubbed your neck as you frowned, “It’s already the second round and we haven’t even found one…” You glanced around before you suddenly perked up, “Wait…!” Getting back down on the floor you laid on your back as you pushed yourself under the bed, “Chishiya! Help me get this thing out!”

Within a moment the blonde appeared as well, his eye sharp and keen as they noticed straight away what you were tugging at, “You think this is the monster?”

You looked at him as you raised a brow, “We have less than four minutes left on our second round, you have a better idea?” Chishiya said no more but helped regardless, successfully with the both of you maneuvering it around from beneath the wooden boards you managed to get it out.

Holding it up you looked at it, “It’s a poppet doll.” You turned to face him as you smiled in accomplishment, “They’re typically used as curses to place upon people in folklore. If anything is a monster, this would be it.”

Excited at your first victory you pulled out from beneath the bed as you waved it up, “Hey guys! We need to start looking for something similar to this! If not a replica.” Everyone huddled around you examining the doll before the microphone sounded, “One minute remaining.”

Everyone had immediately scrambled back to their hiding place as you ran to the red X, placing the poppet on it, that's the reason that had to be there right!? You’d just have to see, hurriedly you ran back to your spot under the bed. Making it just in time as the lights flickered off.

The door slamming open once more as you slowly inhaled, it had to work right? If not...then you were at a loss for what to search for and you were utterly screwed.

The boots stomped against the floor past the bed as you closed your eyes, unable to calm yourself. After a moment you heard a screech and something rip open before screams followed making you jump. Chishiya’s eyes were on the feet that stood by the closet that had been obviously ripped open.

You heard the sound of something wet and a gurgle before a body slumped to the floor and you could hear begging before something got snapped in half causing you to close your eyes once more...Did you make it angry!? Was that not it? Fuck. You had never felt this stressed before as it roamed around, passing in front of your bed as you tensed.

Was this your last moment alive? Truly?

Much to your relief, the door closed once more before the lights followed, flickering on, relaxing a little you sighed as you reluctantly got out from underneath the bed with Chishiya to see what had happened. Much to your horror it was the man who had been so kind this whole game and his partner.

The monster didn’t check anywhere in the first round, yet he did this round? You tried to block out the bodies slumped in the corner as you glanced at the red X, the poppet doll gone.

“Why- why were they killed!” Nanami’s eyes began to water as she grabbed her head, “This makes no sense!”

“If it accepts the doll that means we only need two more. What happened to them is irrelevant.” Chishiya stuffed his hands back into his pocket as you glared at him sideways, not appreciating his careless tone. You could deal with it, but you didn’t want your sister dragged into it.

Grabbing your chin you thought about it for a moment, “Well...the game said to return the monster to its own and…” You glance down at the X, was there some kind of unsaid rule that if you didn’t get all three of them on the first try that it would start hunting down players? “How would a mother feel if they only returned one of its children?”

“This thing doesn’t have feelings,” The girlfriend of the partners replied coldly, her eyes like steel of her own as she clung to her boyfriend, “It’s as he said,” She waved to Chishiya, “It doesn’t matter, we’ll be like them if we don’t figure this out.”

You glanced around the room, “Tell me this, if it doesn’t matter, then why did they give us all these different hiding spots?” Everyone was silent, all eyes on you as if your question didn’t make any sense, your eyes flickered to the clock that was nearing eight minutes, you didn’t have time to monologue, “No think about it. The monster never intended to look for us- that was never stated in the rules. So why did they give us all of these choices if we only needed one per pair? My point being, if we found one poppet in our hiding spot then...You get where I’m going with this? Chishiya.”

He glanced up at you acknowledgement as you curved a brow, your lips threatening to tug into a smile as you tilted your head, “How confident are you in solving that vent?”

He glanced back down and for the first time, you watch a cocky wide smirk twist onto his lips, “You’re lucky to have someone as smart as me here to be able to open it.” You tucked your tongue into your cheek as in annoyance as he sauntered over to the vent already getting to work, “As for everyone else, we need to open up as many of these as possible to find the other two.”

Everyone immediately scrambled to get to work, with only seven minutes on the clock this was...going to be difficult. First Nanami and Akari searched all the opened spots as you worked on another bed. Rubbing your head as muttered, “Shit...I never was good with puzzles.” You awkwardly hung your head in defeat temporarily, briefly letting your eyes shift to Chishiya who was fiddling with several locks, his gaze sharp and you couldn’t even imagine all the calculations going on in his mind. You were somewhat envious of what it would be like to be that perceptive to anything adhering to logic and solution.

“Aha! Found one!” Akari yanked the poppet from the top of the closest as Nanami covered her mouth, looking like she was gonna throw up being so close to so many dead bodies. You ignored the grisly sight at the second victory of the poppet doll. Akari quickly placed it on the X as you began to work on the puzzle once more, looking up at the clock. Oh no...Oh no there was only three minutes left!

“Chishiya! Hows that puzzle coming along.” You called out, trying not to sound alarmed but you could see the clear cut annoyance on his face as he continued working through the locks, “If you’d like to help while struggling on a novice lock feel free.” He replied condescendingly, not appreciating the pressure.

You rolled your eyes with huff as you finally managed to get it undone, feeling triumphant as you searched under the bed but there was no luck, “There’s nothing here!”

“Or here!”

Several people called out as well as you rubbed your head, standing up, “If the only other place that hasn’t been searched is the vent then maybe there’s only two? It did say a pair.” You felt a lump of anxiety well in your chest at the sight of the clock ticking close to a minute and half.

“Should we really take the risk?” The boyfriend asked as he rubbed his neck, concern on his face as he looked around, “If we’re wrong then we’ll all…”

You hadn’t even thought of that…

“...! Hey.” You turned to Chishiya who seemed to be trying to get your attention making you immediately come over, if he was asking for you it’d have to be for something important given there was nearly less then two minute on the clock, “Hold this right here.” He immediately pushed your hand onto the lock right where he wanted it, “This is a two handle mechanism meaning that there needs to be two people unlocking it. Push down and out at the same time.”

“Hide! Everyone needs to hide now!”

The lights were beginning to flicker as everyone scrambled to hide, stress evidently put on your shoulders now more than ever. You could only hope he was right with your life on the line, “Now!” You pushed down on your side, the lock sliding as you pulled out, pulling a piece of metal holding up the lock directly out as Chishiya did the same with his side.

The lock fell off as well as the metal of the gate of the vent, you immediately with no hesitation leaned inside it was dark and hard to make it out anything besides the steep drop off. So he was right, this was a waste of time for a hiding place.

Looking down you caught sight of wood before laughing in relief, “It’s here! Wait shit! Chishiya! It’s too far down in the vent, you’re gonna have to lower me down to reach it. Time?”

“Forty five seconds.” You felt unfamiliar hands on your hips lifting you up as you were lowered down, “We have time.”

You squinted trying to see as you reached down, “Lower me further! I’m not quite in reach,” Your muscles began to ache in your shoulder as you reached harder, growling in frustration, “Time!?” You were lowered a little further, the wooden poppet brushing against your fingers.

“Thirty seconds! Could you go a little faster?”

“Could you lower me a little quicker- Ah! Hey did you almost let go!?” You snarled back, grabbing the poppet doll, giving a good yank as it lodged in between the crevice it was in, “Get me back up! I got it. Time!”

“Twenty seconds.” Chishiya called back, pulling you up as you gasped, pain from the metal jabbing into your stomach evident as you were met with a darkening room. Setting your feet firmly on the floor your eyes flew to the flock fifteen seconds and your spot was all the way across the room….!

“Where are we supposed to hide!? We can’t get all the way there in time!” You hissed out running to the X as you dropped the poppet down. The lights shut off as the final five seconds counted down and before you could do anything you were shoved to the floor as you squeaked. Your body throbbing in pain and your mouth immediately covered as you were met with the coverage of a bed but neither one of you were bold enough to try and scramble beneath it as the doors slammed open.

Fuck.

Your whole body was tense as your eyes squeezed shut, you were just a little ahead of the X here, if this is all the poppet dolls...they’d have no reason to go further into the room...unless...Your hand squeezed tight around the wrist of the hand that covered your mouth as you tried to calm yourself at the loud thudded footsteps.

It was quiet for a moment before you heard more walking before the doors closed.

“Game Cleared”

The lights turned on as you fell limp against the side of the bed, Chishiya’s hand removed from mouth as you pushed your hair from your face, closing your eyes as you breathed in relief, “Holy shit.” Was all you could mutter to yourself, you had never been more grateful to breathe air in your whole life.

“I guess you weren’t that useless after all huh.” Chishiya clacked his tongue as you turned your head to look at him, raising your brows as your face contorted into something between insult and amusement.

You’ve only known this man for a half an hour and yet...something about his words, if you dug down deep past that smug expression of his, was this a compliment? Looking away you pressed your tongue into your cheek, trying to keep from smiling, “Yeah, and you’re still conceited and arrogant but, I guess you have a good reason to be.” You glanced back at him again but you could hardly hold his gaze, something in that brief moment was electrified between you both as you laughed somewhat sheepishly, closing your eyes as you looked away once more.

What the fuck was even wrong with you? If this was back before today you would’ve totally kicked this guy in the balls and went about your day.

“Y/n!” You straightened up at the sound of Nanami’s voice, your expression brightening as you stood up, quickly running to her as you hugged her tight, “I can’t believe that just happened…” She whispered to you as she pressed her face into your neck. You couldn’t either but, you were thankful you had survived this game. Whatever it was.

“Come on, let's get out of this room.” You tugged on her arm, no longer wanting to be in this death room despite knowing it was all over. Pulling her out you paused at the sight of the TV and a...register…? You bracelet unlocked as you took it off, tossing it on the table as you tilted your head.

“Congratulations Game ''Clear ``.''

“...Now issuing visas to those who survived the game…?” You furrowed your brows as you glanced at Nanami who rubbed her head in confusion. You grabbed the receipt as you looked it over with a frown before picking up the 5 of clubs playing card along with it. Odd.

“It’s how many days you’re allowed to stay now! Almost a whole week, that's a good score for a first game!” Akari called out as she patted your back making you jump a little.

Almost a whole week…”Until we have to play again to...continue our stay?” You raised a brow, deciding not to ask what happens if you refused. While you had many questions, you had a feeling you knew the answer to that one.

A part of you couldn’t even believe this had happened, or was it all still a dream.

“Hey…! Sorry for all of that in there,” You turned to see...oh…! It was the boyfriend of the partner, the gifrlfriend stayed behind looking brooding, “I’m Ryu and that’s my girlfriend Hiroko I was...ah…” He faltered a little, rubbing the back of his neck as his gaze flittered to his girlfriend who was glaring him down, “You should stop by the Beach- I...I think you guys would make good additions! Bye!” He hurried not even finishing his original sentence before scurrying off making you furrow your brows at what he even meant.

“The hell?” Akari raised a brow as she watched the guy run off, “Seems to me he wanted to chat more…guess we know who's really pulling balls in that relationship.”

Nanami suddenly snickered, covering her mouth as she giggled, “Hey Akari! Why don’t we stay together! We did really well in the game together!”

“Awh shit, if you guys really want me too!” Akari offered a quirky smile as you laughed, you had no problems with someone staying behind with you. Looking past Akari your smile faded a little at the sight of a white hoodie exiting the entrance.

“Hey- I’ll be right back!” You pushed past the both of them who paid you no mind as you pushed out of the exit and down the stone steps, not sure why your feet were making you chase after such an egotistical man but…!

“Chishiya!” You called out, making the man pause, he turned around, pulling the earbuds out as he glanced up from his hoodie, raising his brows in acknowledgement, “Um…” Why did you even chase after him…? You stepped down the last step as you wrapped your arms around yourself.

It was silent for a moment as you berated yourself internally for why you seemed so speechless all of a sudden. Chishiya however didn’t seem to mind, his eyes absent now as he stared up at the hospital, “I used to do my clinical rotations here.”

You were broken out of your silent thrashing of internal humiliation as you raised your brows, lips parting in curiosity as you asked, “You were a doctor?”

“No,” Chishiya snorted, that amused calico look of his on his face once more as he looked down at you, “I was a medical student. Training to be a doctor but that obviously didn’t happen…” His lips curved into a frown, his eyes cold once more as they looked back up at the building, “I came here tonight to see if anyone I knew would be here.”

“Oh…” You looked away, feeling somewhat awkward and unsure of how to reply to him as silence took over once more beside the occasional rustling of the wind in the tree’s, the urge to speak overtaking you to the point you couldn't resist, “Chishiya...I…” You looked away, feeling somewhat bashful, “We...made a really good team back there.” You forced yourself to look up at him as you offered a bright yet subtly shy smile, “If you want...you could stay with us…?”

Chishiya pulled the lollipop stick from his mouth, letting it drop to the ground as he spoke, “No thanks.” You turned to him in surprise as you frowned a little, you shouldn’t have expected anything less…

“Oh...I understand.” You offered a weak smile as he turned his back on you and began to walk once more, “I just have one more question,” You called out causing him to pause, “...Do you by any chance know about a place called the Beach?”

Note: Whew...! As a lurker in the Alice in borderland fandom I saw a lot of people complaining about the lack of Chishiya fics so I decided to volunteer myself and take on for the team to write a series for this little blonde fucker so PLEASE let me know your thoughts and I hope you enjoy!! Also

#alice in borderland #aib #alice in borderland imagine #alice in borderland x reader #chishiya x reader #chishiya x reader smut #shuntaro chishiya #shuntaro chishiya x reader #aib imagine #aib x reader

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bluemoon-writer · 4 years ago

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Childhood Friends AU: Marikim part 4

In which two dumbasses fall in love

AN: You don't have to read the previous parts to understand this one, but it might add a little context. parts 1-3 are only headcanons about their friendship though, there's nothing romantic included unlike in this part.

Read them here: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3

-Kim catches feelings first

-he doesn’t realize it at first, but ever since Lila accused him of having feelings for Mari he started wondering what dating her would be like

-they would be doing something mundane like homework, or walking to school together, and he would start to wonder how different it would be if they were dating.

-he assumes they would hold hands, maybe give each other quick kisses when no was looking

-and he starts to think that he wouldn’t mind holding hands with Marinette or kissing her

-just as friends tho, because he totally does not have a crush on her

-but then, Ondine confesses to him

-and his first thought is ‘but I like Marinette’

-he says that out loud though

-“oh shit, I’m sorry Ondine. I didn’t mean to say that. I don’t know why I said that, because I totally don’t have a crush on Marinette…”

-Kim is in denial

-Ondine is a little sad, but she’s also a total bro

-meaning if she can’t be with her crush then she’ll make sure her crush is at least happy

-Kim doesn’t make it easy though, because he’s also a bro

-once he accepts that he genuinely likes Marinette, he doesn’t even consider the possibility of them dating

-because Marinette likes Adrien

-Kim’s heart aches a little when he remembers that

-so there’s only one thing for him to do

-get Marinette and Adrien together

-Ondine agrees to help, but secretly has an ulterior motive

-which is: get Marinette to fall for Kim while Kim is trying to get her and Adrien to date

-it’s a mess

-but together they make a rough plan

-the first step is to get Marinette to actually hold a normal conversation with Adrian

-they’ll have her practice on Kim to start

-kim wanted to team up with Alya initially, but Ondine convinces him that it’s best if they work separately

-bc Ondine doesn’t want Marinette and Adrien to actually get together. Alya would take the planning seriously, while Ondine is not

-they rush over to Marinette’s house after swim practice

-Kim has a key to Marinette’s house so he doesn’t even knock

-he just pops into the bakery to hug Sabine, wave at Tom, and grab some snacks

-Ondine marvels at how close they have to be for Kim to be this comfortable with Marinette’s family

-they run up to Mari’s room

-again, Kim doesn’t knock, he just walks in and flops on her couch

-Ondine awkwardly walks in with a wave bc she doesn’t really know Marinette and doesn’t want to seem rude

-Marinette had been expecting Kim but is surprised to see Ondine

-her shipper brain starts wondering if she should help them get together?

- “We’re going to help you get together with Adrien!” Kim announces.

-Marinette collapses back in her chair with a groan

- “Ugh, not you too! Maybe I’m happy just watching him from afar.”

“No offence Mari, but that makes you sound like a creepy stalker,” Kim argues.

“I can’t even talk to Adrien properly! Much less get the courage to ask him out!”

“That’s what we’re going to help you with!” Ondine interjects. “With our help, you’ll be able to talk to Adrien without a problem!”

-Marinette’s curiosity is piqued

- “How?”

-Marinette reluctantly agrees with practice on Kim, not convinced that it’ll actually work

-they sit on the floor facing each other, with Ondine in the middle like a referee

-they tape a picture of Adrien to Kim’s face

-Kim does bad impressions of Adrien’s voice and Marinette can’t collect herself well enough to hold a conversation

-not because she’s nervous but bc she keeps laughing at Kim’s impressions

-Ondine is in serious coach mode tho

-she pretends to blow a whistle every time they mess up

“Come on team! I know you can get this right!”

-eye holes are cut in the picture of Adrien so that Kim can see

-but that just makes Marinette laugh harder

-a mouth hole is added so Kim can eat some snacks

-Kim tries to impersonate Adrien while eating

-does a dramatic hair flip and chokes on a cookie

-Marinette is sobbing from laughter and Ondine has given up on whistling

-eventually (after they run out of snacks) they calm down

-Ondine throws away the picture of Adrien

-Things are serious now

-Kim takes Marinette’s hands and gives her a gentle smile while leaning forward slightly

“Hey Marinette,” he says in a low voice

-and Marinette’s heart skips a beat. Just once.

-but there were no thoughts of Adrien in her head

-once she does think of Adrien doing this, then she turns beat red

“uh, h-hey A-A-Adrien! How’s you do? I-I mean, h-how do you? How are you!”

-Kim is starting to blush now because Marinette is just so cute

-He wants to bop her on the nose

-so he does

-Marinette blushes even harder, but it ruins the roleplay

“KIM! Adrien isn’t going to randomly bop me on the nose!

“He might! I’m trying to prepare you for all possible events!” Kim argues to save his ass

-Ondine lowkey feels like she’s third wheeling

-but on the upsides, the longer she watches Marinette and Kim interact, the more she ships them and the smaller her crush grows

-soon she’ll be a full-time Marikim shipper

-after that first instance, Marinette can’t imagine Kim as Adrien

-Kim insists that she just needs to “focus on the blonde part of his hair”

-but it doesn’t work

-their conversations turn into inside jokes about each other

-eventually hunger drives them downstairs for dinner

-Ondine is invited to stay and the conversation turns to swim practice

-eventually Ondine stops feeling like a third wheel

-the next step is to have Marinette interact with Adrien in a group setting

-so another study group is scheduled

-in the days leading up to the study group, Kim starts lowkey hyping Marinette up to Adrien

-when Marinette gets an A on a test Kim is holding it up to show Adrien how smart Marinette is

-when Marinette stumbles through a few lines in another language Kim shouts to Adrien, “Dude, did you hear that? Marinette is BILINGUAL”

-when Marinette makes it to class just before the bell rings, Kim nudges Adrien and goes, “Isn’t Marinette cute when she’s running late?”

-whenever someone compliments Kim on something he goes, “Psh, Marinette is twice as good as me. DID YOU KNOW THAT ADRIEN?”

-Adrien assumes this is Kim’s weird way on trying to become friends, by talking up one of their mutual friends

-so, he starts talking up Marinette to Kim

- “did you know Marinette is so talented that Jagged Stone asked her to design his album cover?!”

-this leads to full-blown conversations about Marinette in the hallway

-which actually leads to them becoming friends?

-through talking about Marinette, they realize they have a lot in common

-both like sports, video games, jagged stone, and Marinette

-Ondine overhears Kim hyping Marinette up to Adrien in the hallway and decides to copy him

-She starts coming over every day after practice under the guise of ‘helping Marinette learn to talk to Adrien’

-really it just devolves into the three of them joking around after an hour

-but during these ‘sessions’ she starts hyping Kim up

- “Kim nearly broke a world record at practice today! I swear he’s going to the Olympics!”

-Kim always returns the compliment tho

- “If I’m going to the Olympics then so are you! You’re just as good!”

-which further convinces Marinette that they like each other

-Finally, that Saturday is the study group

-its Max, Nino, Chloe, Adrien, Kim, and the newest addition of Ondine

-(if you want to know how the study group started read part 3)

-Marinette spends the morning nervously cooking snacks

-Kim and Ondine come over early to ‘help’

-Kim knows how to cook, but he spends most of the time stealing bits of batter

-Ondine doesn’t know how to cook, so Marinette shows her the ropes

-This helps Marinette calm down too

-Marinette is more nervous than the last time their study group met because this time she has the ulterior motive of trying to get closer to Adrien while last time she was focused on studying

-the study group gathers in the living room of Marinette’s house

-Kim and Adrien are next to each other and Marinette is strategically placed across from them

-this way if Marinette gets too nervous to look at Adrien, she can look at Kim instead and pretend she’s talking to him

-the first couple minutes of the study group are filled with laughter and snacks as everyone piles into the living room

-but eventually they quiet down to do some independent studying

-Adrien is great at science so Marinette figures she’ll ask him to explain one of the concepts listed on their science study guide

“Hey Adrien,” Marinette starts confidently, however, almost as soon as the words are out of her mouth she starts to get cold feet. She glances at Kim who gives her a subtle thumbs up and a wink. Marinette swears the blush that starts to cover her face is just from being nervous about talking to Adrien.

Adrien glances up from his book, “What’s up, Marinette?”

Marinette glances back and forth between Kim and Adrien before settling her gaze on Adrien.

“C-could you explain how the potato is used as an example of osmosis? I don’t understand it.”

-Adrien is happy to help, and launches into an explanation

-Marinette so is high of the rush of dopamine from successfully asking Adrien a question that she’s able to ask two follow up questions after Adrien is done speaking

-Nino pinches Max to keep him from intervening

-Kim is proud of Marinette, but he can’t help but also be a little sad because she’s never been that excited to simply talk to him

-however, what he doesn’t know is that after Marinette successfully talks to Adrien, she finds her thoughts not centered around Adrien, but around Kim

-She knows science isn’t Kim’s best subject and her thoughts keep drifting from questions to ask Adrien to how Kim is doing.

-she doesn’t realize it yet, but her feelings for Adrien have shrunken a little which is partly why she found it easier to talk to him

-the other reason is that she’s just become more confident in herself due to the ‘practice sessions’

-when the study group ends Kim and Ondine stay behind to help clean up

-Kim is hiding the fact that he’s bummed about Marinette and Adrien and Ondine realizes this so she tries to distract him

-she sticks two pretzel sticks in her mouth

“Guess what I am?”

“Uh, a walrus, duh.”

“No! I’m the giant spider from Harry Potter.”

Kim chokes on a laugh from surprise, “What the hell? How was I supposed to guess that?”

-Marinette watches them mess around and becomes certain that they like each other

-but now she feels…off about it.

-together the three clean up quickly

-the weekly Dupain cheng/Le family dinner is tonight, so Kim isn’t leaving after study group, but Ondine gets ready to leave

-Marinette invites her to stay for dinner though

-even though she feels weird about Ondine and Kim getting together she’s still gonna do what she can to help their relationship

-bc she’s also a bro

-also, Ondine has been around so much the past month that she’s practically a permanent fixture in Marinette’s life

-she also doesn’t knock anymore when entering Mari’s room and is on a first name basis with her parents

-Ondine is honestly glad to have become such good friends with Marinette

-After the success of the first study group, more are planned

-it becomes a biweekly event

-Ondine is worried at first that this might backfire and Marinette and Adrien will actually get together

-but she notices that while Marinette talks to Adrien more she also blushes less

-in their practice sessions Marinette has also stopped gushing over Adrien

-what convinced Ondine for sure that Marinette’s crush on Adrien was gone though was when a new exclusive photoshoot of Adrien came out and the first thing Marinette commented was the design of his outfit

-how did things get to this point?

-well, interacting as friends and focusing on becoming friends made Marinette see Adrien in a platonic light

-Marinette just doesn’t realize her crush is gone bc it was so ingrained in her that it became a facet of her identity

-she has black hair, blue eyes, and a crush on Adrien

-it’s when Marinette has zoned out while staring at Kim that Ondine decides they’re ready to move to the next step

-it’s time for Marinette and Kim to go on a fake date

-the official reason is so that Marinette gets practice before asking Adrien out

-the unofficial reason is that Ondine is 90% sure that Marinette is also crushing on Kim now, and she thinks that if they’re in a romantic setting then she’ll realize the reality of her feelings

-and so, after school, instead of going home like usual, Marinette and Kim go to the movies instead to see the newest romantic comedy

-Ondine secretly trails after them with binoculars, just to make sure everything goes well

-Kim pays and refuses to split the price, much to Marinette’s dismay

-as the trailers play, they get into a mini popcorn fight and waste half their popcorn

-a bunch of it ends up stuck in Marinette’s hair

-Kim, heart pounding, holds Marinette’s chin to keep her head still as he gently pulls popcorn out of her hair

-The darkness of the theater is the only thing hiding Marinette’s blush.

-Kim leans closer, focusing on getting all the little pieces of popcorn

-Marinette’s gaze is locked on Kim though. Their faces are only inches apart.

-Suddenly, Kim looks down and realizes the position they’re in

-He’s frozen, unsure of what to do.

-He wants to lean in and kiss her, but he thinks she still likes Adrien

-Adrien, however, is the last thing on Marinette’s mind. The only thing she can focus on at the moment is the warmth of Kim’s breath on her face.

-The moment is ruined however, by a group of people jostling past them to get to their seats

-The movie begins shortly after, but both teens are distracted by other thoughts

-They head for the park afterwards

-They’re hearts stopping each time their hands bump into each other.

-Ondine finally gets fed up and texts Kim to hold hands with Marinette

-Kim looks around in confusion, unsure where Ondine was watching them from

-But he does what she says

-Marinette looks up in surprise

-“We’re on a date, so we should hold hands, yeah?” Kim says with a blush.

“O-oh! Right, yes!”

-Both of them look away and blush

-Their conversation on the way to the park is a little awkward as neither of them are sure what to say until Kim blurts out, “By the way, I think Ondine is stalking us.”

-This launches them into a game of “spot Ondine without her noticing.”

-They fail miserably, completely unable to find her

-But they have an amazing time guessing where or who she might be

-Each time their guesses get more and more ridiculous

-Which has them laughing uproariously in the middle of the park

-This garners the attention of several people, in particular a blonde model who is in the middle of a photoshoot.

-Kim walks Marinette home, and, unable to stop himself, kisses her on the cheek before leaving

-Marinette can only stare at Kim’s back as he leaves

-Half an hour later, her mom opens the door to take out the trash, and scares Marinette out of her reverie

-Marinette is supposed to confess to Adrien the next day, but when she goes to bed the only person she can think of it Kim

-(she dreams about him too)

-The next day, Marinette asks Adrien to stay behind after class so she can ask him something

-Kim and Ondine wait anxiously outside the classroom

-Kim is torn between excitement for Marinette and heartbreak for himself

-in the classroom, Adrien gazes at Marinette expectantly

-He’s not sure what she needs from him, but he’s ready to help

-Marinette breathes in deeply, mentally preparing herself utter the three simple words.

-But they don’t come out.

-They can’t come out, and Marinette realizes with shock that it’s not because she’s nervous.

-In fact, she doesn’t feel anything at all except a sense of wrongness

-For some reason, the only person she can imagine confessing to is Kim

-her eyes widen as the realization sets in

-She doesn’t like Adrien anymore

-She likes Kim

----

AN: There we go! The long awaited Part 4 is finally up a year later. Don't worry, part 5 won't take as long. Though, it probably won't be up until after I finish finals and move home.

I didn't intend for Ondine to have such a big role, someone mentioned that I forgot about Ondine in the last part, and I slapped myself for forgetting her, so I made sure to start with her and then it just snowballed until she was part of the crew lol.

Also, I discontinued the taglist because it got too big and I got overwhelmed.

#marikim #mlb #miraculous ladybug #marinette dupain cheng #kim le chien #marinette x kim #childhood friends au #mlb headcanon #kimette

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sophocused · 3 years ago

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so I picked up a certain book from my shelf that I remember picking when I was 12 or 13 (almost 10 years ago) because I want to start reading for pleasure again and im realizing that this was the very first time something lgbt+ happened to me. keep in mind, I was 12/13 and the main characters were 13 y/o twins, Connor and Grace Tempest.

it was really refreshing thinking of such an innocent time, roaming a bookstore literally judging books by their covers and my core interests that weren't yet overly saturated by media reviews and other external opinions. Just pure, intrinsic motivation.

I also realized since I'm reading books for pleasure, I no longer believe in "reading for my age group" because frankly, I want at least some minute guarantee that some happiness/triumph will come of all the suffering that comes into the plot line of a book.

I finished Silence of the Girls by Pat Barker last night and was just left really sad and triggered. Don't read it if you're sensitive to mentions of SA, r##e, p#d0philia. I get that the point was to tell me how Greek women suffered whilst mainstream beliefs of the legends of Achilles was positive. I get that that was the point but I was really craving some whimsical Greek myth woman girlbossing or something (and not too close to the sun)

Anyway, that's how I ended up picking up Vampirates again bc hello, vampires? pirates? dystopian future where most of the world is ocean and there's a new age of piracy rising up in the world? yes. Also, one of the very few YA novels I saw as a kid that had an Asian main/side character, Wu Chen Li. We're not going to talk about how she's Chinese yet weilds double katanas which are Japanese (the author is from the UK) , I'm reading purely for nostalgia and to be immersed in a world that's entirely from the figment of my comfortable imagination.

Also since it's YA, I have some peace of mind that some triggering no-no stuff is less likely to show up. Also for my eyes which can't see stuff clearly 6 inches away from my face, it's nice to feel a thick book but it's because the words are 1.5-2.0 double-spaced

This has been a ramble but it's to prove to myself that I did not let my mini breakdown over a recurring mistake from earlier this day sink me into an episode of being non-verbal and non-reactive. I basically just saved myself from dissociating. It certainly helped that I immediately messaged 3-4 friends who I could be transparent with that I needed some help, to just talk about anything, feel normal, and I appreciate them for that ( ꈍᴗꈍ)

Thank you to the random blogs liking my little rambles about the little wins I do in the day, like just about successfully doing a calc problem, or cleaning my room. It feels like a virtual pat on the back, with the additional respect of boundaries because my physical space doesn't get infiltrated! ヾ( ͝° ͜ʖ͡°)ノ♪

Alright good night, take it easy~

#nina rambles

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gra-sonas · 4 years ago

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Am I crazy in being scared that with so many new characters, many of the characters that we love will not get the focus that they should? They already have a big cast and so many of their stories are not told (for example, Alex's past in the military)...I fear that there will be many storylines and all of them will not be well developed (like s2)...I really hope I'm wrong...

Not crazy, nonnie, no.

Let’s break down what we know (hahahahahahahaha 😒) about S3 so far:

There were some S3 interviews with CAM after the S2 finale, but since she’s no longer part of the show, and she herself said that the S3 outline changed “a lot” after her departure, anything she said in those interviews (and that wasn’t all that much to begin with), could no longer be valid information.

Time jump? Will probably happen, but we don’t know for sure.

Forlex? Could happen (for how long/to which extent, who the fuck knows), or maybe not??

Echo? Will definitelylikely get back together (probably in 3x02 or so, can’t keep the straights apart for too long...), we just don’t know when.

Happier times for Malex? HAHAHA, as if Could happen. OR NOT. Who knows. NOT US!

WE ARE JON SNOW! ¯\_(°~°)_/¯

The few things we (kinda) know about S3 so far:

It’s likely the season will start with Liz (still) in LA (where she’ll meet one of the new guys, Heath), but it’s fairly certain she’ll return to Roswell early in S3

It’s likely the Pod Squad will have to deal with Mr. Jones.

we know a few things about 4 new guest characters - 3 of them white, and at least Jordan Bernhardt (mayor’s son) and the new Sheriff, Brooke Taylor (WHAT ABOUT MICHELLE VALENTI?????) seem kinda shady. Edgar/Eduardo sounds like he could be a link to Deep Sky or maybe the Alighting?

going by Dylan’s extended stay in Santa Fe, it seems like Wyatt Long could have a larger arc this season

we know that Christian(Forrest) filmed at least one episode (could be more but we don’t know for certain)

Tanner(Gregory) is currently/was recently in Santa Fe to film a second episode.

It doesn’t look like Justina (Steph)’s been in Santa Fe yet, since they’re already filming 3x04 or 3x05 (we don’t even know that for sure), it’s possible she won’t return for S3 at all.

We don’t know whether Riley(Jenna)'s been in Santa Fe yet (production of Hightown S2 recently started, maybe she’s already been in Santa Fe and filmed some scenes, but we have no confirmation about that, it’s just as likely that she hasn’t been there yet)

Jamie Clayton(Charlie)’s currently filming something else.

Kiowa(Flint)’s also not been confirmed to have filmed any S3 scenes yet (doesn’t mean he hasn’t, the entire cast is notoriously bad at keeping us in the loop about stuff like that 😩)

So that’s what we “know”. In addition:

It could be, that Tyler(Alex) won’t be in 3x01 and/or 3x02 (it’s super hard to tell bc those eps were directed by the same director, maybe they just shifted things around and cleared his schedule for an extended period so he could go home???).

The actor who played young Max in S2 is listed for S3, that probably means Max flashbacks

They’ve released 3 episode (incl. 2 directors) titles so far + we know Dr. Rachel Raimist will direct 3x05

Other than that we have this vague af S3 synopsis that doesn’t tell us anything substantial about S3:

In season three, still reeling from the events of last year, the Roswell aliens and their allies are drawn back together through a threat from a familiar stranger and a murder that has not yet happened.

From near and from far, amidst breakups, reunions, scientific advancements and the impending death of someone they hold dear, our heroes must grapple with two central questions: Who enters our lives and defines who we are?

And what power do we really have over our own futures?

In conclusion:

We actually don’t know ANYTHING about Liz, Alex, Michael, Rosa, Isobel, Kyle, Maria or Max and their S3 arcs!

And I think that’s the main problem here. We know more about four guest characters, their motivations and what they’ll be up to in S3, than we know about the core 8.

And that’s probably what makes so many people anxious. We have no idea how these guest characters fit into S3 because we don’t know anything about S3.

There’s only guessing and assuming and speculating.

Oh, there’s also S2, where so much (too much) focus was put on a million different storylines and side characters, where a main plot was missing for most of the season, where core 8 characters were sidelined and/or had little to no character development, where seemingly important scenes were cut, and so on. And the way S2 ended, doesn’t exactly spark joy and excitement for S3...

It’s no surprise that we’re fucking anxious and worried S3′s gonna serve more of the same.

With new characters (that are not even new characters we’d probably be interested in meeting, like Clay and Mindy Manes, Jim Valenti (yay, flashbacks) or perhaps Maria’s dad) being announced, and no S3 info for reference, how are we supposed to be excited? How are we supposed to not worry S3 will be a repeat of S2.

I don’t think that’s going to be the case (esp. not with Chris having taken over as show runner, I still believe that with him helming the show things will be better), but I get why so many people are worried (to the point of being utterly annoyed and ready to quit the fandom).

One way to fix at least some of this mess (and ease some of the anxiety) would be an interview with Chris Hollier, or at least an article that provides us with UPDATED information about S3, especially details about the core 8.

Because that’s what most of us want to know. What's in store for the characters we love and care about? What about the ships (Malex and Echo in particular)? WHAT ABOUT THE FRIENDSHIPS??? What about the individual characters and their specific journeys?

As long as we don’t know more about S3 at large, and the main characters in particular, any new characters that will be announced, will cause people to worry and/or get annoyed.

#rnm speculation #rnm spoilers #s3 forlex discourse #nonnie asks

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impassiveesper · 4 years ago

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give me ALL the multiples of 5 of the ship meme for Shigeo and Teru >:)

ship headcanon meme

YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH CUTE BOYS WITH CUTE CRUSHES

[ Cut for length ]

5. Who says ‘I love you’ first?

Teru. These two are not even on the same fucking planet, it’s possible Shigeo has been responding positively to flirting and the prospect of intimacy for MONTHS and he doesn’t even realize what they’ve been doing counts as “gay romantic shit” before the L word comes into play. It’s not a problem he just doesn’t think decisively in the emotional realm and many of his feelings go unlabeled.

10. What two songs, two books and two luxury items do they take to a desert island?

Man idk. Is this a vacation or are they stuck there?

Uh don’t put any stock into my answer bc I really dont like questions like this but here goes. If it’s not a vacation they probably both bring some books on survival skills, but let’s pretend it’s a vacation.

Songs: Shige brings Daysleeper by Dirty Art Club Teru brings idk maybe Step??? or some upbeat top 40 pop. Teru probably likes all the best niche music and all the worst overplayed music at the same time he contains multitudes.

Books: Depends on how old they are, they deadass both might bring comic books. Otherwise idk Teru brings Mongrels by Stephen Graham Jones. Shige brings??? Warrior cats?? Idk he’s not a huge reader imo. He likes YA books well into adulthood that’s for certain.

The luxury items are probably both something of Teru’s bc I’m not convinced the Kageyama household has much in the way of luxury items. Maybe grooming products.

15. When they watch a film what do they choose and why? Who gets the final vote?

Teru chooses most of the time. This isn’t to say that Teru doesn’t immediately yield to whatever Shige asks for because I think he often does, but it’s mostly because Shige rarely asks for anything in particular. It’s an entire Situation when Shigeo feels inclined to have an opinion on something. He goes with the flow on most things and tends not to feel strongly about what they watch. Teru likes a good romcom. Teru has almost certainly also put on a horror film to see if he could get free hugs out of it, though I’m not sure he’s super into horror. Shigeo likes anything with a feel good ending. He’s more into overly dramatic / emotional films than you’d expect the least emotional person alive to be. Shigeo also likes animation.

20. Where do they go on holiday?

Teru probably wants to go all over the place and visit big cities and attractions, but Shige is more of a homebody and doesn’t like all the noise. Where they end up probably depends on the length of the trip. If it’s a shorter holiday they’ll go somewhere bustling. They’ll visit a city or go to a crowded attraction, but if it’s longer they’ll visit somewhere quieter. Go be in nature or visit the countryside or something. Or they just stay home and enjoy some time in, maybe visiting a park or cafe or their favorite local spots if they feel like it.

25. Why do they fight?

I think they have a lot more fights early in the relationship than later on. For one, Shigeo is genuinely just kind of a frustrating person to deal with sometimes. He doesn’t really explain himself well and he can be very sensitive and not give good emotional feedback, which can easily lead a partner to feeling underappreciated or unheard, like their emotional needs aren’t being met, or like they just can’t do the right thing with him. Shigeo will struggle to be outwardly loving in a lot cases. It’s hard for him to feel connected to other people after a lifetime of isolating himself and shackling his own feelings. Romance does not come naturally to him. When it comes to emotion or affection, it’s very hard for him to want or give the “right” amount of things. Like, he either understands completely or not at all. He either wants a lot of physicality or none at all. There’s not a ton of middle ground with him. The lack of obvious emotional cues makes Shigeo somebody who takes a lot longer than usual to learn and understand, especially when he doesn’t have the words for what he’s experiencing. In addition, Shigeo doesn’t always read social cues well or know what’s socially appropriate, which makes him somebody you can’t really give “hints” to. His lack of opinion and lack of social skills can make him somebody who is frustrating to cooperate with during mundane, daily situations. He doesn’t read subtlety all that well. Communication can be a challenge which can lead to fights. They have their fair share of little spats over minor daily things that just aren’t going right because they haven’t learned how to function as a unit yet.

Teru also has a lot of self hatred to work through which I think contributes heavily to arguments. Early in the relationship I think Teru has a habit of putting Shigeo on a pedestal. We know from canon that Teru is trying very hard to reinvent himself and still has some not-so-nice tendencies in him. To him it’s frustrating that he can’t just have nothing but patient, gentle thoughts the way he thinks Shigeo does. And it’s very easy for Teru to get pissy and be manipulative and unfair when they argue because Shigeo just struggles to keep up with anything that’s vague, but doing that doesn’t make him feel good even if it can win him a few fights. There is definitely a period of time where Shigeo will try to voice that he doesn’t like Teru acting like he’s perfect because in his eyes they’re both commoners and not special, and Teru will have the wit to argue that Shigeo has it easy because he’s “naturally a good person” or whatever. And of course if Shigeo manages to notice that Teru’s arguing tactics are a little unfair and tries to point out, that’s just gonna make Teru double down on “fine I’m a shit person” kind of talk. If things get particular nasty I could even see Teru guilting Shigeo once or twice because “we can’t actually argue about this, you need to calm down bc of your powers”. I think Teru in particular has led a very rough life that’s caused him to develop a very dirty set of tools for winning arguments. He’s good at being manipulative which, if left unchecked over time, could cause more arguments than it solves.

30. Why does it work (or not work) between them?

Despite all the rough shit I just said, I think it can absolute work out really well between them if only because they have already canonically had the worst interaction they can possibly ever have and they are both powerfully aware of how much they don’t want to do that again. It doesn’t take much to remind that of what really matters because they both have that strong reminder. It’s easy for them to let go of smaller things when they are reminded of those large things they are moving away from.

Because ultimately, that very first fight in canon is what defines the most important part of both of them. They are both people who are working very hard to change for the better. When they get into unhealthy habits or difficult conversations, their shared history is something that reminds them both of who they want to be and why they decided to know one another. I mentioned that Teru wants to be a better person, and that includes learning the hard way that it’s up to him to recognize when he’s being unfair or manipulative. It’s gonna mean accepting Shigeo as a human with faults rather than this infallible figure who has only patience and virtue.

And for Shigeo changing means managing and voicing his feelings so that he can maintain control. It’s gonna mean having conversations he’d rather avoid. It’s gonna mean standing up for himself a little more and working harder at being honest with other people about how he feels. It’s gonna mean trying harder to understand what other people need from him.

Like as cliché as it is to say, these two have had an experience together that represents each of their core motivations as characters. That’s why I really think things can work between them even if they have some rough patches early on. Shigeo is so patient and he can help Teruki learn to find patience too. He can help Teruki learn to love himself and to take a different mindset to into the world. Meanwhile Teru’s boundless charisma can help Shigeo learn to try new things and be more outgoing. He can learn to recognize Shigeo’s needs and emotions and help him put them into words. He can help Shigeo to be more honest about his feelings and to appreciate himself despite all his shortcomings. I think they’re different in a lot of ways that can really help each of them be a good influence on one another.

#long post #[Ship]#[Terumob]#[ooc]#brigadeleadxr #[Asks]#[Headcanon]

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gettin-bi-bi-bi · 4 years ago

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[Part 1/5] Hi! I don’t know if I am depressed, but i’m unfortunately having suicidal thoughts because of my identity (not in danger on acting on them, just death ideation but it makes me feel awful). I fear what my family would think of me if they knew I was bisexual. It’s not easy to think that, even when I know I wouldn’t be disowned or kicked out or anything else, their perception of me will probably change.💜

[Pt2/5] I will no longer be the “golden child” of the family and maybe they won’t even compliment me any longer. I am aware that, if that ends up being the case, i’m better off without people who don’t accept me for who I am, but it’s still an extremely painful thought because I don’t want to leave my family or lose their love. I’m not prepared for that and i’m not sure I ever will, but that might be a dramatisation on my part. 💜

Pt.3/5 I dont have any queer friends irl that I know of and I still don’t feel comfortable enough to tell anyone either. I have a therapist but I don’t feel comfy talking to her about this bc she said “oh yeah they want to be inclusive 🙄” some years ago about Tinder letting you choose your potential partners’ genders and also I live with my parents so I would fear that they could overhear the convo (but what i first said is my main motive for not telling her)💜

Pt 4/5 I don’t feel comfortable seeking another therapist now bc 1) pandemic 2) i dont want my parents to ask why I want that and also I still dont feel comfortable seeking for help irl because that’d make this more “real” i suppose. It’s very hard to embrace the reality that i’m not what I was supposed to be, even when I realise that type of thinking is BS. 💜

Pt5/5 Is there any way to cope with this better? I have an online friend to whom I talk to daily and they know im bi but i dont want to overwhelm them. I just don’t know how to cope with this. I can’t help but to wish I was “normal” sometimes. Everyone talks about being proud of their identity and I wish I could relate. I want to be me and I want to be proud too, but sometimes I am just distressingly worried about my future bc of who i am. 💜

You pretty coherently described an experience that I think a lot of queer people can relate to one way or another. If you read the message I replied to before yours for example you’ll see there are also some similarities. That is to say: you’re not alone. Your perception of “everone being proud of their identity” is a very skewed image of queerness. Of course there isn’t one universal queer experience but there is often only these two narratives: either you are miserable and hate yourself or you have the magical epiphany and are the most flamboyantly queer who doesn’t give any fucks about homophobic opinions.

Most queer experiences and coming-out processes (which includes self-acceptance) lies somewhere in the middle. Those super proud queers you think of? They probably went through some hard times. They were probably scared of coming out - at least to some people. They might’ve had doubts and fears. Queer pride is often a way to show to the world “look how far I’ve come” and not a “look at me, I never had any problems about being queer, I just magically accepted myself”. Obviously I don’t like it when suffering is portrayed as an essential part of being queer. Suffering isn’t and shouldn’t be considered inherent to queerness. But try to look at those “proud queer people” with more nuance and realise that you don’t know their story. Try not to think “I will never get to this point” but instead “who knows what shit they have been through but they got out of it and now they are out and proud”. Try to use it as an inspiration and not as some unachievable goal.

If you suspect that your therapist isn’t queer-friendly then I would recommend you try to seek out some kind of additional queer counsel. Maybe you have a local queer resource center that you can contact. A lot of them offer email or chat counselling as well because they know that talking on the phone can be risky when living with family.

Also try to get into contact with more queer people online, for example by checking out certain tags on tumblr or joining a discord server where you can talk to others, share experiences, vent and also just have some light-hearted conversations about your sexuality.

You know, your message reads incredibly self-aware to me and that’s a very commendable thing. You know pretty well why you are feeling the way you do and you can identify which aspects of your living situation and circumstances make life hard for you right now. Don’t lose sight of that. Remind yourself that your negative feelings aren’t your fault. And you will see better days. Even if it means being patient now and fighting your way forward day by day until you can move out, be free, be yourself... you’ll get there.

And as for your family accepting you? Maybe they will one day. People can change, they can grow and learn. There is no guarantee of course but it could happen.

Maddie

#Anonymous

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wetalkinboutbooks · 5 years ago

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Realm of Ash by Tasha Suri

Summary: The fate of an empire rests in the hands of a young woman with magical blood and nothing left to lose, and an outcast prince determined to save his family at any cost, in this "dark, melodious, and memorable" new fantasy (Library Journal, starred review) from the author of the award-winning Empire of Sand.

The Ambhan Empire is crumbling. A terrible war of succession hovers on the horizon. The only hope for peace lies in the mysterious realm of ash, where mortals can find what they seek in the echoes of their ancestors' dreams. But to walk there requires a steep price.

Arwa is determined to make the journey. Widowed by a brutal massacre, she's pledged service to the royal family and will see that pledge through to the end. She never expected to be joined by Zahir, the disgraced, illegitimate prince who has turned to forbidden magic in a desperate bid to save those he loves.

Together, they'll walk the bloody path of their shared past. And it will call into question everything they've ever believed...including whether the Empire is worth saving at all. (Taken from Goodreads)

Our Ratings:

→ Geena: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

→ Kae: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Overall: Realm of Ash is a great follow-up to Empire of Sand, where we follow Arwa who was introduced briefly in Empire of Sand. There is quite a bit of political intrigue in the first half which sets the pacing a bit slow but picks up quickly once the characters go through big revelations. The characters and their motivations draw you in, and overall it was a good read!

~Check out our spoiler Full Review Below

A QUICK SUMMARY:

So, this book picks up twelve years later from where we last visited this world in Empire of Sand. In this book, we are following the story of a once minor character, Mehr’s little sister, Arwa. Arwa has grown and married and been widowed when we meet her again. She is on her way to a widows hermitage where she is to live out the rest of her days in mourning, after losing her husband.

Since the Maha’s death, this world had descended into chaos. The daiva, aka, eternal spirits, aka CHILDREN OF THE GODS, have been wreaking a bit of havoc on the world. If you remember, the Maha was manipulating the dreams of the Gods to favour the kingdom. When he was defeated, those dreams had begun to take their natural course. With dreams come nightmares. And those nightmares have taken form. BUT. The daiva protect their own blood, which is the Amrithi people. Arwa is half Amrithi, but she isn’t sure if the daiva are there to protect or hurt her. In addition, her mother (aka stepmom) raises her believing that Amrithi are cursed and savages, and essentially taught her to hate herself.

In the widow’s hermitage, she meets an influential widow, Gulshera, and realizes she has connections to the imperial family and because Arwa doesn’t care about anything she offers herself up as a tool to the royals. So, Gulshera takes Arwa to serve under Princess Jihan, we’re subjected to court politics and meet Prince Zahir, aka a bastard. Together, Arwa and Zahir work together to find the Maha in the Realm of Ash (essentially a spirit world) so they can unlock a way to save the empire from ruin. Princess Jihan turns around and essentially implies that she sent Arwa to Zahir to ‘PLEASE’ him in an INTIMATE fashion. Arwa doesn’t take it and gets mad but Zahir isn’t here for it and it’s smooth sailing again.

During a trip into the Realm of Ash Arwa realizes the truth behind her Amrithi blood and the Maha’s crimes and shares it with Zahir. They both struggle, Arwa being staunchly anti-empire and Zahir trying to do something to prove his worth to his sister. When the emperor dies, he names Zahir as the Maha’s heir and Jihan’s older brother Prince Akhtar as Emperor. A few murders later, a different Emperor sits on the throne and Zahir has a bounty on his head. Zahir and Arwa use the aid of a secret women’s society Zahir’s mom was a part of to escape to where the Maha was stationed to find the secret to the empire’s success, discovering cursed towns, ghosts from their pasts, and their feelings for one another.

The Good:

→ Zahir

Kae: So ZAHIR! I love him. He is as kind as a kitten. As sweet as an apple pie. But because he is a bastard, he is hidden away in tombs that were converted to be his rooms. There, he does research on how to restore peace and order to the Empire. He knows his days are numbered, being the bastard son of the Emperor, so he is essentially doing research to bargain his own life. Besides that, he genuinely likes learning and spent the majority of his days doing that anyway before he was banished to the tombs to live in secret.

When we first meet Zahir, he is studying by candlelight in his rooms. Arwa finds a bit of power in him not noticing her, and takes the time to watch him for a moment. She thinks he’s handsome with his ‘pretty face’ and sharp, slender form. She’s like “damn he’s kinda hot… but I'm a widow… I’m not allowed to think boys are hot anymore.” But alas, she thinks he handsome. So they assess each other for a moment and agree to be apprentice and teacher.. Zahir gives Arwa poems and books to read that will help her better understand about the Realm of Ash and what he is working on.

Geena: Arwa wears a veil for 90% of the book because such is the way of the widow, so she makes a point to stare at Zahir through her veil because she knows he can’t see her checking him out. And this boy turns around and hands her poetry, the more we learn about the nocturnal prince the more you realize he’s such a Soft Boi™ who loves literature and wants to desperately prove that his life has worth. His mother was killed because she tried to give the Emperor some advice, and the Empire of Ambha drinks the ‘women aren’t shit’ juice so she was labelled a traitor and murdered. Zahir only survives because Princess Jihan loves him, and as a legitimate spoiled princess she has to be pampered. Zahir has the ability to study and work with magic, because his mother was part of a secret women’s society that did so and it was passed onto him, so he’s been tasked with figuring out a way to stop the Empire’s decline ever since the Maha died.

His character made me sad a little bit, because he feels like he should have died with his mother to some extent. And Jihan has led him to believe that his life being worth something depends solely on the fact if he can find the Maha’s spirit and save the empire. He’s treated like trash by everyone else because he’s a bastard and into witchcraft, even Arwa thinks he’s a weirdo in the beginning. But he’s such a kind-hearted soul?? Who btw respects women, when Arwa accuses him of tryna sleep with her, Zahir is like “MA’AM, I RESPECT YOU WITH MY WHOLE HEART IDK WHAT SHIT MY SISTERS BEEN DRINKING BUT I WOULD NEVER!” well, he’s less dramatic than that but yea he suggests laying out rules so they don’t cross the apprentice/teacher dynamic. Also, during one trip into the Realm of Ash and Arwa’s veil comes off and she literally snaps at him to not look at her face (bc it is not the widow way) he straight up doesn’t look at her face ever for a good portion of the book after that skfjdf.

Kae: YEH HE JUST LOOKS AT HER HANDS. SOFTIE. I LOVE HIM.

Geena: Hand fetish IM JOKING… BUT SNDKFJDNST THAT’S ALL I COULD IMAGINE.. Arwa was like “Man, my veils off but this boy is still looking at my HANDS”

The Bad:

→ Gulshera and the Royals

Kae: Gulshera! Ohh, she made me mad at the end. But like, I get it, ya know? So Gulshera, our bow-wielding widow, was Princess Jihan’s nursemaid and confidant. So when Gulshera finds out Arwa is Amrithi (because Arwa got caught trying to rid the Hermitage of daiva) she basically goes to Arwa like “You know you gotta get up outta here right? You can’t stay here, shawty.” But she gives Arwa the option of possibly going to the Empire and devoting herself to the Princess and her cause for solving the Empires bad luck. So Arwa goes, meets Zahir, yada yada yada.

Gulshera asks Arwa very vague questions about what she’s doing but doesn’t exactly want to know what Arwa is doing. She just a lil nosey. So after a while, the Emperor dies and the named prince is killed by his brother. Zahir is next and he and Arwa escape. Eventually, they are found in the desert where Gulshera shoots the shit out of Arwa’s shoulder. It’s such a bad blow that Arwa is pretty much bleeding out. I was like, yo what the FUCK GULSHERA.

Geena: YEA LIKE SHE PRETENDS TO BE HER ALLY AND CARE FOR HER BUT TURNS AROUND AND IS LIKE “SORRY BABES IMPERIALISM ALWAYS WINS”

Kae: AND THAT’S THE TEA BAYBEEEEEE. IT was such bullshit. But again, I get it. Gulshera is like “It’s either me or you… And I raised the princess so imma do what she says and also I knew her longer soooo…. Bye Arwa. This will haunt me for the rest of my days… but it be like that.”

Geena: Kae covered Gulshera really well! But yea she was a stank old lady in the end, like you’re essentially the reason Arwa is where she is but you’re acting like you had nothing to do with anything. BUT N E WAYS, I’m gonna talk about Princess Jihan a lil bit because she annoyed me too. She was privileged and used Arwa like a ragdoll, actually not even just Arwa but her brother she claimed to love too. Jihan really guilt-tripped the FUCK out of Zahir being all “Did I save you from nothing? Do I deal with other’s scrutiny for nothing? Prove your worth to me brother, prove that I’ve placed my love in the right man” and I was like…… bitch…. She might have been a princess but she was the queen of emotional manipulation. Also, she claimed to be for the women but essentially told Arwa that one of her jobs was to fuck Zahir and like…. Hello….. What is wrong with you.

OH AND ANOTHER THING… when it’s revealed that the Maha used Amrithi people to shape the Empire’s success, and Zahir confronts Jihan about this she’s like “Yea, and?” like she saw no problem in using a group of people and villainizing them in the same breath… Imperialism is a hell of a drug

The Ugly:

→ The Nightmare

Kae: So the Nightmare was truly… A nightmare.

When we first learn about how Arwa became a widow, we learn about an incident that took place at a military base called Darez Fort. Darez Fort is where Arwa stayed with her husband, Kamran. We learn some soldiers come back with what they think is a Daiva, trapped in a little cage/crate thing. When they open it up, it appears to be a childlike creature. But it soon reveals a face of white bone and attacks everyone in the fort. The Nightmare makes the men turn on each other as well and it’s quite literally a blood bath. Everyone is dead. The maids, the cooks, the soldiers, and Kamran. All killed. BUT THERE IS A DAIVA THERE. It’s Arwa’s litter guardian angel. She knows her blood protects her, so in a panic, she makes this big ass cut on her arm and surrounds herself with her blood. The Daiva protects her from the Nightmare and she is the only survivor of Darez Fort.

The Nightmare leaves a sense of fear in Arwa that literally makes her shake. She can kind of sense when it’s near. So on her journey with Zahir and a guards woman named Eshara, they end up at another fort for a rest. Some soldiers are ordered by this mean ass general to stay inside the fort because they aren’t allowed to leave. This is when Arwa gets that chilling sense of fear as she did in Darez Fort. SOME EVIL SHIT IS AFOOT.

Geena: Yesss, the nightmares are like anti-daiva essentially. I really liked their concept and how they factored in with the worldbuilding. What makes them terrifying is that the Maha spent how many centuries fending off nightmares by using Amrithi, but suddenly without him to control how gods dream, nightmares are flooding the empire. Arwa manages to defeat the nightmares by unlocking the memories of her past ancestors from the Realm of Ash and crudely dancing a rite that locks nightmares in cages. Along with Zahir, Arwa figures out that nightmares consider themselves some sort of god and love to be worshipped. Both Zahir and Arwa decide that the empire can rot, and the nightmares can do what they want but they’ll teach anyone with amrithi blood to dance the rite and worship the nightmares to prevent any more massacres like Darez Fort.

→ Maha

Geena: God….. This stankass wrinkly-ass bitchboy really sunk his claws so deep into the Ambhan people that after he died, he was thought to be a martyr. Like 12 years after his death and people still worship him, and mourn his death? Mehr and Amun went through so much to end his reign of terror yet the empire continued to worship him. I’m sure they didn’t have the time or power to go around and spread the truth behind the Maha’s work but good LORD was it grating to read people missing that disgusting man. But thinking back on it, even if Amun and Mehr had exposed him… would people have believed an Amrithi couple that killed their beloved Maha? They probably would’ve killed them instead :(

Though, this was an interesting detail that Tasha Suri included. That, despite the evil being defeated, people will refuse to acknowledge it as evil and continue to point fingers at marginalized people for the problems caused by the evil being.

The Awesome:

→ Arwa and Mehr

Kae: If y’all could see me now, you would see me doing a little dance because BIIIIITCH. I WAS LIVIIIIING SOLELY FOR MEHR AND ARWA TO MEET UP AGAIN. EVERY PAGE I WAS LIKE “is Arwa gonna talk about Mehr? Does she miss her sister?” AND SHE DID SOMETIMES AND I LOVED IT. AND THEN ARWA SAID SHE WAS TOLD HER SISTER HAD DIED AND I WAS LIKE NOOOOO. SHE IS ALIVE, ARWA. SHE IS ALIIIIVE.

So when Arwa was in the Realm of Ash, she had seen Mehr and was SHOOK. Because you can only see dead relatives in the Real of Ash. So she actively avoided Mehr in the Realm because it hurt too much to see her there. It just confirmed that her sister was dead. And even I was confused because I was like “Ummm, Tasha… I know you didn’t kill off my girl after she done went through all that shit.” So I started thinking…. Because in the Realm of Ash, you saw the dead as grey ash. Shadows. But she saw Mehr in colour and full of life. So I had this theory that since Mehr has Amata (Amrithi spiritual magic closer to the ancestors) that she was seeing Mehr in the realm because of how close Mehr’s amata was so the ancestors and daiva.

GUESS WHO WAS RIGHT BITCH? MEEEEEE. I CALLED THAT SHIT. IT’S MY SUPERPOWER. So like, as Arwa is dying from that arrow bitchass GUlshera shot her with, she ventures into the Realm and see’s Mehr again. She calls out to her, and Mehr sees her. She promises to find her.

When Zahir and Arwa escape from his sister’s claws, the daiva take them out into the desert. Mehr eventually finds them and brings them back to her home. When Arwa wakes up, she is greeted by Mehr bandaging her up. They cry and hug. I CRY BECAUSE I’M SO DAMN HAPPY. I LOVE A GOOD REUNION. MEHR LOVED ARWA SO MUCH AND ARWA LOVED MEHR. AND THEY WERE SEPERATED AND HADN’T EVEN KNOWN THE OTHER WAS STILL ALIVE. AND THERE THEY WERE. TOGETHER. AND ALIVE AND HUGGING AND CRYING. It was beautiful. I was like, ugly crying. So thank you, Tasha. Thank you for writing that scene so well because it was happy and emotional and they both deserved to see each other again. It will go down as one of my top 5 reunion scenes.

I’d also like to say, unrelated to Mehr-- That Awra and Zahir did admit their love for each other and kissed. And Zahir was Arwa’s, and Arwa was Zahir’s, though they made it clear that they belonged to no one. They belonged to each other. And their love was so soft and built on mutual respect. They were both very lonely and longed for one another, but never pursued because Arwa didn’t want to break the honour code of the “widows way” or whatever, and Zahir didn’t want to disrespect her. BUT THEIR MINDS. THEY LOVED EACH OTHER. So they both finally gave in. And it was lovely.

Geena: ugghh yess, Arwa and Zahir’s relationship was based on mutual respect and love (just like Mehr and Amun!). In both instances, people forced them together but it was only through their own agency that they fell in love with one another, and support each other wholeheartedly.

ALSO, THE REUNION KSJNFKSJF I had a suspicion that Mehr was alive too based on everything that Kae mentioned too! So, when Mehr says to Arwa that she’ll come for her I sCREAMED!!!! I loved it so much, them crying in each other’s arms… Arwa seeing Mehr’s own kid… LIKE HELLO???

Kae: AND TASH SAID HER AND AMUN COULDN’T HAVE KIDS BECAUSE OF THE RITES SO I WAS SHOOK AND HAPPY AND OMG. literally SCREAMING.

Geena: YEA I REMEMBER THAT, BUT THEN I ALSO REMEMBERED YOUR THEORY! Where the Maha had said that people that danced the rite couldn’t have children because he tried to impregnate amrithi women he enslaved but it didn’t work… and Kae you’d said it was probably because he was shooting dust and YOU WERE RIGHT!!!

Kae: IT’S MY SUPERPOWER. IM TELLING YOU. I CAN GUESS THE SHIT OUT OF SHIT.

Geena: KJDSFNKSDJF I LOVE YOUR SUPERPOWER!!! My only complaint was that we didn’t get a longer scene with Mehr/Amun and Arwa/Zahir bonding :( I wanted mooorreee… other than that it was everything!

Conclusion

Geena: TO CONCLUDE! Tasha Suri didn’t disappoint with this sequel… and it’s so easy to write a shitty sequel but she was like nAH WE’RE NOT ABOUT THAT LIFE. And we loved it! There was a slow start as we read Arwa struggling with her internalized hate, but after she realized that she came from a people who have survived in Ambha in the face of adversity the book sped up real fast. The romance was so soft and wholesome and everything that we want in a relationship, Tasha knows EXACTLY what she’s doing when she’s writing romance. I don’t trust anyone else with a romance this soft, and I cannot wait to read her upcoming series that feature a wlw couple.

Kae: GEENA SAID IT ALL. Tasha knows how to write a romance. I love soft boi’s that will also murder a man for you if need me. LIKE YAAAS HE’S SENSITIVE AND RESPECTS ME AND WILL BEAT SOMEONE'S ASS FOR ME. WE LOVE TO SEE IT. Honestly though, overall, this was such a stunning sequel. Because Geena and I have read some sequels that were…. How to say this nicely… fucking terrible. Tasha is a phenomenal writer and I know her upcoming series will be great too! This book was full of lessons. One being, SELF HATRED IS FUCKING TRASH. SO LOVE YOURSELF AND YOUR RICH BACKGROUND. BECAUSE PEOPLE WILL LOOK DOWN ON YOU FOR WHO YOU ARE AND WHERE YOU COMF FROM SOMETIMES, AND YOU JUST GOTTA SAY FUCK ‘EM AND KEEP IT MOVING.

Geena: JKSNFKJSNDSKJF YAAAS, ALSO IK IT WAS BRIEF BUT LIKE DAMN… TASHA REALLY WENT HARD WITH THE AMRITHI IN THIS BOOK AND HOOBOY… Like the insights into past ancestors? And the fact that there are so many mixed Amrithi people that have been forced to hide their heritage… once again… I M P E R I A L I S M and G E N O C I D E… this series covered it pretty well… PLEASE READ AND SUPPORT TASHA

#realm of ash #tasha suri #book review #booklr #book blogging #book blogger #books #reading

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testoultramalaysiamy-blog · 5 years ago

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jokerfic · 5 years ago

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Do you ever find it hard to push yourself to keep writing/to finish a fic? I really admire your works, especially pastimes, because you write both good quality and a good quantity with your stories. I find i'll plan out this long fic, and know all the details, but when it comes to writing more than a few chapters I find it difficult to continue. I don't know if it's just me getting bored of my own idea or being lazy but, do you have any advice for seeing a story through to the end?

Oh, it’s hard forrrr suuuuure. There’s a post floating around about how Charles Dickens shouldn’t be given credit for his prolificity bc he didn’t have streaming services and it strikes me to my core every time I see it. It’s part of why I like Neil Gaiman’s writing advice more than anyone else’s (in no small part because it’s really advice, not rules for you to follow– I hate “writing advice” that’s really a bunch of “don’t EVER use adverbs” and “write only in the mornings!” and other things that only cage you in rather than making you feel free)– it basically boils down to “write anything, write everything, just make the time to write.”

and generating content is just one part of the multi-pronged problem– the second is generating content for a specific project, consistently enough that you actually finish it, lol. some people would have you believe that if you love a project enough then it’ll always come naturally (and imply or even outright say that if it doesn’t come naturally, you don’t really love it– side note, I like some of Charles Bukowski’s poetry but he can eat my entire ass with that “if it doesn’t come easily then it’s not what you’re meant to be doing” idea). That’s only part of it. A thousand writers better than I am have already said that love/“inspiration” only gets you so far, and after that comes the work.

I’ve found that to be true. Not that the love doesn’t come back! I’m constantly falling in love and out of love with different WIPs, and each time I fall back in, I get a little bit (or a lot!) more done, but there’s definitely a point where I say “okay, I’m not allowed to work on anything else until x book is finished.” (Whether or not I stick to that resolution is a different matter.) Honestly, it happens the most with jokerfic because I have a small but active and devoted audience and I start to feel THE GUILT if I leave them too long without new content bc they’re so loyal and it has to be a symbiotic relationship or it’ll 100% die.

idk, man, I’m mostly musing out loud here because writing is work, and it might be fun work, and fulfilling work, but you have to allot time and energy to it specifically, and if you do want to finish and publish something on the longer side (fanfic or original), you have to be the one to decide to put that time and energy into it– no one else can do it for you.

All that to say: you have to figure out what motivates you, and what’s important to you. Personally I’m motivated by a moderate dose of ambition and just a little bit of spite (I see writers I don’t like flourishing, I think “I can do better than that,” and it’s good for at least a few pages), as well as feedback from readers and the desire to be able to re-read the specific, finished work whenever I want to. Probably more significantly, and not to be morbid: it’s extremely important to me to get these stories out there and not let them die with me. Listen, I may be a slow writer, but I live and breathe storytelling, it’s the majority of what I think about, and there’s very little that kicks me in the ass like the realization that time is coming for me and all of us, and I don’t have an unlimited amount of it to waste. So what’s important to you, what’s worth spending your time on? Rewatching a TV show you’ve seen all the way through 3 times already? or making something new and sharing it with people, connecting to people through a story that’s important to you?

of course, you can’t and shouldn’t aim to be productive all the time, you’re not made for it, you need to live your life in addition to doing your work. Stephen King says you have to read a lot if you want to write well, and I agree with him. It’s harder to write people if you’re never around people! Some days you are just gonna NEED to veg out in front of the TV (or tumblr) because you don’t have the energy, mental or otherwise, for anything else. you have to read books, watch movies and tv, spend time with people, live your life, have experiences, if only so you’ll have more to draw from when you are working.

Outside of that normal “living life” stuff, I’d focus on trying to trim things that you know are a waste of time, or that drain your energy without reward. Delete the social media you can do without (or outright hate but for some reason haven’t pulled the plug on yet). If you’re sitting down to write, then write, even if you have to use an app to block out the million distractions that are just a click away. If you can, try and make friends that write so you can egg each other on (there are a lot of writing Discords out there that may be helpful). I personally like reading or watching interviews with artists (not even just writers) that inspire me or that I relate to– the richness of David Milch’s mind and the way he seamlessly ties together humanity, community, history, and art makes me want to work harder and be better so that someday I can be a fraction as good as he is, I found out like yesterday that Donna Tartt and I have basically the same process (and take about as long to finish a thing lol), Jack White’s live performances energize me and make me want to create, Tom Waits is a natural born storyteller and funnyman who weaves such a thick atmosphere and mythology for himself with every word that I feel compelled to try and do the same.

and that’s it, that’s the process that consistently results in the most productive work for me: I read or watch other creators I admire until I’m whipped up into a frenzy of needing to do something, then I get in front of a screen and do it. When the excitement runs out, I pretend it hasn’t until it comes back (with mixed success, but really, “fake it till you make it” is an EVERGREEN piece of advice in almost every area). I try not to let too many months slip away without having something finished and semi-polished to show for my time. That’s about the only way I know how to do it anymore.

#Anonymous #meandering writing advice that may or may not help at all bc everyone has a different process #feat. a dollop of existential dread naturally #I know I linked to a full documentary. shut up.#honestly though: find people that inspire you. people with broader horizons than yours #so you can see through THEM what you haven't been able to see before by yourself.#learn from artists you admire! if you can identify WHAT you like about their work then they're the best teachers you'll find #anyway guess who's on a reading/writing kick and feeling like she's unlocked THE SECRETS lol #it'll fade eventually like it always does and then I'll go through the whole cycle again. so it goes #but yeah do yourself a favor and install that Cold Turkey app I linked to #nothing will get a thousand words out of you like knowing your computer is locked until you write them #also I may have talked about this before but that Tom Waits interview I linked to?#some people are CONVINCED that Heath Ledger used it as inspiration for his Joker-voice #I don't buy it but it's a nice thought bc I love them both 🖤#I'm rewatching that interview rn-- it's one of my favorites; he was my age at the time-- and it kills me I'm literally in love with him lol

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out-to-the-universe · 5 years ago

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+ and maybe its kind of a weird problem but like i really want to be the best (its a dancer's thing bc everyone is competition you kinda get used to it after a while) i dont know how to improve tho And that one girl lives in the same city like my ballet best friend does so they hang out really often and i am third-wheeling. Its not the 1st that people steal my friends Apart from the Being Better problem, I really dislike that girl ㅡㅡ i cry after every single class nd idk what to do anymore

Hey! Thank you for sharing this with me :) Don’t feel bad for feeling like this - even if it’s not quite right, it’s a natural response. But you writing to me about this shows that you want to change it and that’s good!

So. I think both of these situations (competition at ballet and your friend hanging out with the other girl) could be put under one category we need to deal with - and that’s jealousy. Your whole journey as a dancer has been accompanied by this feeling of jealousy and competition and it seems fine because that’s just how things are in the ballet world. But it doesn’t have to be like that. You need to find the strength and confidence inside of yourself to not feel like you are competing with these girls. You are on completely separate paths and all try to do your best. But you cannot control their path - only your own. So if you want to improve you need to shift your focus. Shift it away from them and put it to yourself - you no longer want to be better than them, you just want to be better than you were yesterday. If you focus on the hatred and jealous feelings, it will produce more negativity and will take your focus away from your journey, and you will end up losing all of your confidence and motivation. Try to see it from their point of view - they want to improve as much as possible as well and they want to make new friends, that’s normal. Your friends are not yours only and success isn’t meant only for you just because you were the best one until now. To be a great dancer you need to accept that there is always going to be someone who is better than you and this is fine, as long as you give your best. You need to approach this with grace and you will see that beautiful things start happening.

It’s your choice - you can choose between these two scenarios:

1. You get upset about them getting better than you. You cry every day because you feel like you’re losing the position of the Best Dancer. You start resenting these girls and they feel this negative energy so they respond with negative energy. Now you have two girls there that you hate which takes all of your mental energy. You feel like you’re not good enough so you start losing your motivation and thinking about dancing causes bitter thoughts in your head. Your friend hangs out with one of these girls so you start resenting her as well and feel jealous. Your friend picks up on that and becomes defensive, maybe even distances herself from you because she feels like you’re not letting her have other friends in addition to you. Jealousy pushes people away!

2. You accept that you can only control your own life. You choose to be inspired by these girls and understand that they are training more than you are, so of course they are improving more! It’s nice that finally there is competition for you which makes you want to push yourself more, but you are also happy for their progress. You acknowledge everything you have accomplished this far and realise that there is so much more you are capable of doing. You choose not to feel like you are third-wheeling when you’re with your friend because you know your worth and feel confident that people want to hang out with you - even if they sometimes spend time with other people.

It all comes from within, just try to shift your perspective and you will see how things will change. Don’t wish for these girls to fail, see them as a blessing instead. Maybe they are really nice and you could all be friends? You said you don’t like her but it could be just because you don’t know her and you feel this resentment towards her for all of these reasons. Try to get to know her!

Also, maybe you can work extra hard and practice at home as much as you can? And maybe the new girls want to do a special project with you, say, you find someone who wants to film you dancing and you create your own choreography for a song you all like. Do a dance video project. Something like that. Join forces and you will feel really empowered!

i hope this helps you. I really believe that with love and joy in your heart you can go a lot further. Jealousy and hate only stop you from growing. Good luck with everything and let me know if you need any more advice! <3

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charismastaticarchive · 5 years ago

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lulu ( & patricia ) hc/meta:

motherhood/maternal instinct in fiction & feminist analysis

if u read my content, you know that i like to have a bit of a leftist, feminist&genderfuck slant to all my writing and the analysis of all my characters. women in particular are never just women, and they’re always more than the fanservice and literary/video game tropes that are pushed on to them.

i want to talk, for a moment, about “cis” motherhood and a cis woman’s body, particularly a fictional/conceptual/symbolic one---from the perspective of a non-binary afab lesbian with psychosis who has experienced delusions and dysphoria about pregnancy my whole life. from my own personal perspective, mostly because of the aforementioned marginalizations and mental illnesses i experience.... pregnancy and motherhood are both terrifying.

but i don’t really want to talk about that, i want to talk about the typical “cis” women characters with maternal instincts----and how i believe mothers in fiction can be portrayed as complex women without losing their personalities and personal goals, namely by choosing to believe that a woman’s experience with pregnancy, childbirth, and her family/romantic entanglements are as complicated and varied as she is---and believing her problems are not solved by a man, a child, or pregnancy and in fact, can even be excacerbated by them.

so to do show examples of simpler narratives that can be made more complex, i’m going to talk about two different characters of mine that are ‘mothers’ in canon----patricia, and lulu.

to start with, patricia is the archetypical dead anime mom. the only things that make her a special character to me are that: 1) she had an extraoridinanary amount of children in order to birth a ‘special’ child. 2) she was married to two men at apparently the same time. and 3) because of her wanting to see her own child, extreme tragedy takes place that she apparently is aware of when she asks the villains of the game---a man masquerading as her own brother included among their ranks---to help her.

now we could go the typical route. we could say that patricia is a mother---and of course she loves her biirth children more than anything, and she wanted to see her birth mother instead of her step-child. (in addition to being a dead mom archetype, she makes a very excellent evil step-mother.) but her life is so much more complicated than her child. she has two husbands. her brother is one of the main villains of the game that tortures her child. there’s thing you can get into, hidden depths that can’t be explained by her just being a woman or a mother. perhaps she loved her birth children as if they were her only family bc she knew her brother no longer was her family, her parents did not believe she was any use to them other than a bargaining chip to becoming royalty. the emperor was old, and she was very young. perhaps she felt for the past ELEVEN pregnancies that only her children, made inside her body, were the only thing that were her own in that terrifyingly lonely castle. perhaps she wanted to see them because her second husband was just as patriarchal as the first, perhaps as self-consumed. perhaps she wanted to be more than a wife---and all she knew she could be was a mother.

there’s was you can write her as very complex, and even make the seemingly simple motivation of just seeing her birth child a symbol of a greater inner life within her, even though she’s not even mentioned on the black eagles route, and is only mentioned in passing in blue lions route!

and so, on to a much more complex example of my portrayals, because lulu is an actual canon character who we can actually see in the canon of ffx and who is not just alluded to.

lulu is maternal, an ‘older sister’ figure to yuna, and a voice of reason the whole game who takes care of yuna and even wakka in a famililal context. she’s nurturing and kind despite her dark & gothic appearance, and even her puppets refer to her as ‘mother’ in certain unlockable cutscenes in the second game.

but despite this, this is not all lulu is. lulu is a wise guardian figure---but she’s also a fierce fighter that can get the most damage in your party. she’s knowledgeable about the world at large, she’s sensible to a fault and takes 0 bullshit. she’s deeply traumatized about the loss of her first love, chappu, and probably her second lost love, someone she tried to guard shortly before the game begins. despite the most important person in the world to her being her sister character in game, the second game pairs her up with wakka (her dead fiancee’s BROTHER) and ‘shows her’ having a child with him. i say ‘shows her’ because, the game uses the exact same model from the first game, and does not ACTUALLY show her looking pregnant before she has the child even tho she could supposedly give birth at any moment.

we can assume lulu wants to move on from all the death in her life---to a new life with wakka. but it doesn’t make sense that she would get over her trauma so easily, especially without yuna by her side. she lost her parents to sin, she lost chappu, and just because sin is gone, doesn’t mean that the church and all its teachings which she believed in for long hasn’t left a mark on her, or that the church being willfully wrong about how to save the world (and sacrificing so many people in the process) ALSO didn’t have an effect on her when so much of her trauma is related to that.

i think lulu as a mother figure fails. i think in this case of canon, motherhood is a copout for the character---who literally just wasn’t in ffx-2, because it would restrain yuna and not let her grow as a character as much, in the director’s own words. she’s ‘healed’ by wakka and motherhood, her agency as an active player in the story (and her sister’s life, the most important person in the world to her) is taken from her. we’re supposed to take it as FINE with lulu that yuna just left in the middle of the night and never came back even tho she told no one where she was going! she could’ve been dead!

but i think we CAN make the circumstances of lulu in ffx-2 more complicated, if we try. if we take lulu’s trauma seriously, and show that her circumstances effect her. if we make her relationship with wakka something of desperation---to try to make her life make sense, to try to inject new life into a world still full of death & ghosts. we can make her feel not connected to her body and her baby by not being able to ‘show’/’see’ the growth of her child inside her. and we can make part of the reason she wanted to have this child because she felt she ‘lost’ yuna, that yuna was growing beyond her---and she wanted to have someone to take care of, still, even tho she might never have the same connection with her child as she does with yuna---and that SCARES her. we can also note that as a wlw as i play lulu---she might’ve thought she HAD to be with wakka to ever find someone who could love her AND have children with her, and being pregnant with a man’s child making her feel lost from her body and sense of self---her love for both chappu, and for women.

final notes: this was about cis women, but i want to note that all motherhood can really be something beautiful. i believe that stories should be about LOVE more than anything, and the bond between mother and child---especially a trans mother who chooses their own child through adoption, found family, surrogacy, or having a child with their partner with a uterus---can be one of the most beautiful sources of love on this planet!

being responsible for another human’s life with always be taxing. but when it’s something you choose---knowing that responsibility, wanting to bear the burden of a human life, and actually seeing the goal of raising them for the rest of your life and seeing to it that they’re happy and healthy---that’s something that’s really special and wonderful, even if it’s something i can’t see myself doing.

still, i don’t think the story is EVER so simple as a cis birth mother in a nuclear family loving their child and their husband, and living solely for them. life is complicated. women are complicated, with rich inner lives! and that’s part of the thing that makes willful, ethical motherhood so beautiful----knowing that taking on the burdens of taking care of another person for the rest of your life, meaning that your life comes second, is such a. big step in giving up part of your self just to love someone, just to take care of them and be there for them as your child deserves.

it’s more complicated than that, obviously, but love is complicated! and if love is worth telling stories about, then complicated stories about women and the ways they love their children, each other, and themselves are even more important.

i don’t know how to end this so [dabs] i guess lol

#{ ch: in my dying breath i will still wish to see you; as i have again & again until even death itself knew your name | patricia }#{ hc: in my dying breath i will still wish to see you; as i have again & again until evil death itself knew your name | patricia }#{ ch: puppet of fate | lulu }#{ hc: puppet of fate | lulu }#{ ooc: hc }#pregnancy tw

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robertmarch82 · 5 years ago

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They created a “Palestinian people” as a tactical instrument to have the right to claim land in Israel. It was Nasser, president of Egypt, who brought the Palestinian people on the political agenda first. To strengthen their arguments, they settled Arabs by the millions until today.

Ben Fladder, studied German Language and Literature & IT System at Free University of Berlin (2010)

To explain why Israel is such a big thing on Quora (at least for me), I want to tell you some of the earlier history of the State of Israel. This short part of history is enough to make Israel a big thing for me, I don’t need to go into detail about the almost 1600 years, that Jews lived there as indigenous people from 1500 BC to 70 AD (and until today).

I do not deny, that Israel has committed war-crimes, just as the Arabs have. I am not an Israeli, nor am I Jewish, so I do not have any personal connection to Israel that would make me feel I must justify anything. Just the facts are enough in my opinion.

Before the first Zionistic settlements started in the 1870s, there were roughly around 255.000 Arabic people in the rural areas and around 24.000 Jews (the numbers vary, but that’s the average) living under Osman rule. The land was totally devastated. Agriculture and livestock took place on a minimal level, just barely enough for the self – sustaining of the inhabitants. Reports from 1882 - 1913 talk about “completely sown land, with dirty dilapidated houses built of loam, catastrophic hygienic circumstances”, the little agriculture done with small wooden plows. You find these descriptions for practically all the land. People were shocked when they came there and compared the status quo with what they had imagined.

Felix Bovet wrote about his visit of the area in 1858: „The ... Turkish [Osmans] ... turned it into a wasteland ... The Arabs themselves, who are its inhabitants ... have created nothing here.“ Quote from: Felix Bovet in: "Egypt, Palestine and Phoenicia: A Visit to Sacred Lands" (Can be found in /Scheel/)

The reasons lay in a chaotic, inhuman politic and the traditional lifestyle of the inhabitants. An example is the “Musha-land”, one of six categories of land under ottoman rule. Musha-land is supposed to have been the biggest obstacle against improvement for the fellahin/fell. In addition, wells and fields were further destroyed through steady fights between the Arabic residents themselves and the steady attacks and extortions from their neighbours, the Bedouin. The population was steadily declining.

Alif I. Tannous, a Palestinian intellectual wrote in October 1935: “Until today the fellahin/fell are the object of oppression, disregarding and bad treatment by their own people and the old political regime. The feudal system extincts their life, the effendi-class looks down on them and the old Turkish regime was too corrupt to deal with this vital problem.“

Because of this always declining population, lease declined as well and so the leaders constantly let non-Arabic and Arabic workers into the country. According to the Encyclopaedia Britannica of 1911 not less than 50 languages were spoken in what today is Israel.

With the new workers/peasants it went the same way as described above: They fell into poverty; the wars went on and the owners didn’t gain enough income from their land …

So, selling it to immigrating Jews was a jackpot for many of the owners. As said most of the land belonged to Arab families in the cities like the Sursock family in Beirut. They for example sold 240 square kilometres between Haifa and Beisan for over 800.000 British pounds to (among others) the Jewish National Fund. That‘s only one family. There were so many, who got rich by selling land, they had no use for because it was dried out and devastated. The money from these land sales often became the basis for their political power today. They also sold swamp land to those Jews, who had no experience with farming (swamp land was almost impossible to cultivate. If you were lucky enough to survive the first year, you gave up during the second). Jokes made the round about the stupid Jews who paid so much money for swamps.

But the Jews made it. I guess the century-long experience of being mistreated together with the pogroms that had happened not long ago, in Russia, Europe and North-Africa did theirs to motivate them. They put effort, all their money and knowledge into building up new homes. The immigrants that came there were a mix of farmers, workers, soldiers, intellectuals, medics, engineers etc. Men and women were active in the discussions and plannings of the settlements. All that contributed to the successful re-cultivation of the land and to the relatively modern and open society that evolved in Israel.

Together with the green, Arabs came to work there. Many Palestinians are descendants of the migrant workers from Egypt, Sudan, Syria, Lebanon, who came between 1830 and 1945 to what is now Israel. And they came by increasing numbers, because the Jewish immigrants created more and more work and wealth.

A study from 1943 – 1947 and 1949 – 1963, as well showed that most Arabic inhabitants came from other countries. For example, the village el-Fahan (20 km west of Hadera): In 1943, out of 2.800 inhabitants 900 were from Egypt, 1.400 from Hejaz in Saudi-Arabia, 500 from today’s Jordan.

The population of el-Fahan exploded when Jordan’s King Hussein brought ten thousands of Arabic settlers there from 1948 – 1967, for the Arabization of the city that is already mentioned in the Bible.

Since the founding of the state of Israel tenth of thousands of Arabic immigrants have come to Jewish cities, farms and fabrics and all the other work opportunities, doubling and tripling the number of Arabs.

The Peel-Commission reported in 1937, that the „… lack of land … is less attributable to many Jews having bought land, but to the increase of the Arabic people.“

So far so good. But now the real problems began. To make it short: The Arabic leaders didn’t like the thought, that the Jews were prospering, especially since the idea of an organized Arabic settlement in the areas had been existent for a while among them. There had been attacks on a lower scale all the time.

But now a broad anti-Jewish campaign was launched, intensified especially during WW II, all over the Arabic world. Protagonists of this campaign were for example the Muslim Brothers (especially their founder Hassan Al-Banna, a big admirer of Hitler and Mussolini, who praised them in speeches) or Amin al-Husseini - the Mufti of Jerusalem (a searched war-criminal and collaborator of NS-Germany). These campaigns were supported by the Nazis. Hitler and his thugs even set up a radio-station for al-Husseini to spread anti-Semitic ideas from Germany (where he lived as Hitler’s guest since 1941) over Egypt and the whole Maghreb. Powered by the internal explosive situation in the Arab countries – poverty, political fights etc. – this anti-Semitism digged its way deep into people’s thinking.

Arabic leaders and organizations tried to destroy Israel twice with military force but lost. So, they changed their tactics and used not only terrorism but also humans as a “tactical” instrument. During the 1967-war, they actively tried to make Arab inhabitants move out of Israel by telling them horror-stories about massacres by Israeli soldiers and pretending to want them safe when they overrun the country. Similar tales as we had them in Europe during the middle ages and up to the 1940s (some statistics talk about 68% Arabs that left Israel without ever having seen an Israeli soldier. They then denied many of those refugees to enter Egypt for example and used them to “stay an open wound in Israel’s flesh forever” (see the sources).

A quote from the Muslim Weekly Magazine KUL-SHAY, Beirut, 19.08.1951: „Who brought the Palestinians as refugees into the Lebanon, where they came into huge hardship and destitute – no one else but the Arabic States themselves, including the Lebanon.” Can be found in: /Farah/

Since 1967 Arabs built 261 settlements in Judea and Samaria alone - but only 144 Jewish settlements in ALL of Israel were built. But we never hear about that, do we?

When Jordan overran a part of Jerusalem in 1948, the Jews in this part of the city were killed, robbed and expelled to make Jerusalem Arabic. That happened in many parts of the country: Kfar Etzion near Hebron: in 1948, all Jewish citizens except one who managed to flee got shot by the Jordans. On the north side of Jerusalem, a village named Neve Jaakov was arabized through the murdering of all Jews.

Quotes:

· Zuheir Mohsen, a high-ranked PLO-member, said in 1977 (in a disarming honesty): “There is no Palestinian people. The creation of a Palestinian State is one weapon to continue our fight against Israel and for the Arabic unity. Since Golda Meir is denying the existence of a Palestinian people, I claim, that there is such a people and that it is to be distinguished from the Jordans ... Only for political and tactical reasons we talk about the existence of a Palestinian identity, because it lies within the national interest of the Arabs, to oppose a separate existence of the Palestinians to Zionism. For tactical reasons Jordan, which is a country with fixed borders, cannot claim Haifa and Jaffa. I in contrast, as Palestinian, can claim Haifa, Jaffa, Beerscheba and Jerusalem. But as soon as our rights on Palestine are restored, we must not delay the reunion of Jordan and Palestine not a single longer.” Quote from: W. Roxan: Israel und die Palästinenser. Darmstadt 1978. p.66·

· Prof. Philip Hitti, Arabic American historian from Princeton university, said in 1946 in front of the Anglo-American committee: „Something like Palestine has never existed in history.“ and in 1988: “One thing is clear: No Palestinian State has ever existed not for the shortest period in the past. There is no Palestinian language either, no distinct Palestinian culture, no special religion in Palestine.” Quotes from: Mitchell G. Bard: Behauptungen und Tatsachen-Der israelisch-arabische Konflikt im Überblick, Hänssler 2002. p.50 (original from Jerusalem Post, 2. November 1991) and from /Pfisterer/ (originally from Six millions de Palestiniens ... valeurs actuelles. Paris 26.12.1988, p. 31)·

· „The Palestinians… it could have come to a humanitarian solution, like in other parts of the world ... [But it is as] the Arabs in the Arabic League said in those days: ‘We want to keep this as an open wound und use the human beings as a pawn against Israel. Quote from: Joan Peters in, quoted in ARAB NATIONS PERPETUATED THE REFUGEE PROBLEM /Arutz Sheva-4. Febr. 2001

I did not mention all the things we can see on TV every day: Terrorist attacks and rockets that end peace-negotiations and provoke counter-attacks. There are organisations, who have no interest at all to make peace with Israel. They will not stop until Israel is destroyed or they are. The sad thing is that they use their own people, Muslims and Arabs to reach their goals. And these people get brainwashed and let themselves be used for a war, that will better nothing for them. What will happen, when Israel is destroyed? Will the Palestinians live any better in the ruins of this country? It would be so easy: Let the refugees in your countries, not like 1967 when you first called them to leave their homes and then put them in refugee camps and treated them like second class humans. Just let them in, stop telling them, that Israel is the root of all evil.

But this will never happen, I fear that peace will never come. I feel sorry for the Jews, who for almost 2000 years are expelled from their land, fought, harassed and lied upon, be it by Europeans or Arabs, Christians or Muslims. It’s a shame. Not even after the fabric-like murder during the “3rd Reich” we manage to let them live in peace. They do not want to make the world Jewish. They just want to live their lifes with their religion in their country.

When you watch the news, not from Arabic countries or Israel – no, from Europe, then you can find reports about policemen giving their microphones and speakers to people who use them to shout things like “Hamas, Hamas, Jews into the gas” through them:

http://www.faz.net/aktuell/rhein...

Did German (!) police do anything against those exclamations which are illegal according to German law? No, you know what they did? They put a young man on trial, who had stood beside this aggressive bawling people and waved a little, 5-inch-long Israel-flag. Sued him for making an unregistered counter-demonstration. Although the German constitution gives everybody the right to express their opinion peacefully at any time. But the judge spoke justice, right? No. He found that the man was guilty and since he was a kind judge, he offered him, if he would commit his crime, to just make him pay a small fee. Otherwise it would be way more expensive.

Such things happen all over Europe. Jews emigrate back to Israel out of Europe and this only place where they can feel, if not safe, then at least wanted, this place is in steady danger of being destroyed. Arabs have so many countries where they can live in, Europeans, Christians, Muslims have. Why don’t we leave Jews live on this tiny place on earth? I really don’t get it. We are drifting into something very bad. But this time no one will be able to say that they didn’t know anything. This time everybody could see the signs in the newspapers, on TV, on the radio. If you believe in god, no matter which: Beware, beware. If you do not believe in any god then: Will you be able to stand the shame?

Sources:

/Stein/: Kenneth W. Stein: The Land Question in Palestine, 1917-1939, The University of North Carolina Press, 1984

/Peters/: Joan Peters: From Time Immemorial-The Origins of the Arab-Jewish Conflict Over Palestine, Harper & Row, NY, 198

/Twain/: Mark Twain: The Innocents Abroad, London 1881.

/Voss/: H. Carl Voss: The Palestine Problem Today. Israel and its Neighbours.

/RBP/: Royal-British-Palestine-Commission: Report of 1913

/Goldberg/: David B. Goldberg, M.A., Haschiwa: Auf unwegsamen Pfaden- von Touristen selten betreten (Exzerpt), in: Die Rückkehr No.2/1995

/Samad/: Hamed Abdel-Samad: Der Islamische Faschismus. Eine Analyse. Droemer Verlag 2014

/Pfisterer/: Rudolf Pfisterer: Israel oder Palästina. R.Brockhaus 1992.

/Kark/ Ruth Kark, Ed.: The Land that became Israel/ Ran Aaronsohn: Cultural Landscape of Pre-Zionist Settlements. Yale University Press. London 1990

/Scheel/ Wolfgang Scheel. Referat March 2006: Zionistische Landbegrünung als Erfüllung biblischer Verheißungen.

/Ba/ S.83, /Pf/ S.147 (Bericht der Königlichen Palästina-Kommission, S. 242, Detaillierte Protokollauszüge in J. Peters, From Time, S. 302ff). and https://www.freitag.de/autoren/b...

/Fereydoun/: Fereydoun Hoveyda: Que veulent les Arabes? Paris 1991. In German: Was wollen die Araber? Droemer Knaur. München 1992

/EB11/: Encyclopaedia Britannica of 1911

https://www.quora.com/Why-does-Israel-seem-to-be-such-a-big-theme-on-Quora-when-there-are-so-many-other-troubled-areas-in-the-world

#antisemitism #israel #palestine #arabs #palestinians #muslims #islam #europe #germany

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