#bc i've got work soon and just didn't want to make this wait for another day

[beelearnsfinnish]

weekly recap: week 01 [30.12.24-05.01.25]

i decided to start doing weekly recaps as a way to keep myself accountable not only with language learning but with all my studying in general. So, peep my new rug and Pikku Myy cup, as well as the moomin calendar i got for christmas! let's see:

studying

Finnish

As I said in my last Finnish update, I hadn't been doing much this past weeks. I've restarted again, but I'm aware this two months are not gonna be the best, since I need to focus in all my tests happening in February. Still, I wanna try and find time for it everyday, even if its just couple minutes.

I'll add the tracker of what I did this week (only started counting the 1st tho) but yeah managed to get a session of active studying and one of writing besides my immersion. I'll continue my lessons next week so looking forward to that.

My degree

To be honest I don't normally have to spend much time with this. I only have three subjects this year, and since I'm studying online and have no classes I don't need to do much during the year. The only stressful times are when I have to turn in papers and exams. This being said, I do need to turn in papers next two weeks, and I have my midterms at the start of February, so I am indeed stressed :D

I started revising the content for one of the subject's paper, which is already something. I usually get decently good grades without much stress since its the second degree im doing in the topic and almost everything sounds familiar already, but last two papers with this teacher didn't go that well (imo bc of her way aka inexisting way of explaining the papers) so im kinda pissed off :D

I didn't need good grades in this degree since its kinda useless having already my previous one, but since there's the possibility of going in erasmus again i want good grades to hopefully get into the program again. Soo, this next weeks I gotta grind and start doing the papers as well as start working on the units.

Hygieniapassi test

New addition! Since my plan is to move to Finland hopefully this year (still don't know how or when but we're getting there) and getting a job of my area (media production) is impossible without experience anywhere, I'd need to get a regular no studies entry level job and I thought I could make things easier for myself and get it before the move. I'm going there late February, so thats my deadline!

Actually signed up today for the exam. I have been working on the material in the app for the past two weeks ish, I only have two courses left to copy into my notebook (I physically can't retain any info if I don't write it myself) so I'm hoping to finish them before my papers are due! I still have to work on a schedule so I have time for everything, but pretty happy so far.

life updates

work

Christmas rush is coming to an end, but we have an inventory coming soon, which means extra hours and extra stress. Not the most ideal thing with all the studying I have to do, but we'll survive i guess :'D

hobbies & social life

To be honest I don't have much time for hobbies these days, but that's something I wanna change. Went to see Nosferatu with a friend at the start of the week (loved it) and we have another 3 movies lined up for the next weeks (can you tell i love going to the cinema). Also planning couple meet ups with different friend groups, this doesn't happen often since couple of them we don't see eachother in months, but seems like everything's happening at the same time. Stressful, but happy to get to see them!! Also meeting with my bookclub, so gotta finish the book of the month at some point.

Also something I'm super excited about, booked my flights to Finland!! Already mentioned I was going in February but actually having the flights its a life changer when it comes to waiting. Can't wait to be back 😊

media update

📖: The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue - V. E. Schwab

🎬: Nosferatu - 4 ⭐️

🎧: Nonbeliever - Lucy Dacus

[jenniferjareauwife]

what about early in jj and r’s relationship the team goes out for drinks, and it’s the first time jj sees r in something other than work casual clothes. either a dress or something less formal idm, but im obsessed w the idea of jj just being floored by finally seeing r in something other than work clothes. ps love ya🫶🏻

So Fucking Good

pairing: jennifer jareau x fem reader

category: smut

warnings: smut, fingering r receiving

word count: 750

summary: jj sees you outside of work in a dress for a first time and she thinks you look really good

a/n: love you too :) 🫶🏼 i added some smut bc i thought you would like it

I fluffed my hair up a bit before getting out of my car and heading into the bar. The whole team was meeting up to celebrate closing our last case, I wasn't planning on going until I heard that JJ was coming. We couldn't go together because we didn't want anyone knowing we had started a relationship and going out with the team was the only time we could see each other outside of work.

I stepped into the bar and smiled as soon as I saw Penelope. She looked like she was already a few shots in and she ordered more as soon as she saw me walk in. "Where's everyone else?" I asked her.

"They're over there, dancing. I'm sticking to drinking." She gave me two thumbs up before taking another shot. I scanned the dance floor until I saw JJ, she was smiling over at Spence, making my blood boil a bit. I tore my gaze away from her and back to Penelope.

I felt a small tap on my shoulder and I turned around. Once I saw JJ's face my eyes lit up. "JJ! Hey!" I wrapped my arms around her neck, pulling her into a hug, forgetting we were in front of Penelope but she was probably too drunk to remember it anyways.

"You look stunning." She whispered in my ear, making me moan a bit. She knew how to turn me on. "I've never seen you in a dress before."

"Well..." I pulled away from the hug. "Now you have."

"I can't wait to get out of here." Her fingertips trailed along my ass before Penelope looked back towards us. My whole body shivered as I found myself leaning against JJ.

"More tequila?" Penelope offered.

"Yes please." I took another shot, feeling JJ's eyes on me. "You have to stop looking at me like that, people are gonna find out."

"Well it's really hard to stop looking at you when you look so fucking good." She whispered so soft only I could hear. "You should wear stuff like this more often. At my house. So I can take it off." I choked on my next shot, Penelope looking at me with a concerned look.

"I'm fine." I whispered. "Just...bathroom." I put my hand on my chest before going to the bathroom. JJ followed close behind, her excuse being that she wanted to check to make sure I was ok.

We locked the door to the bathroom as she pushed me against the wall, kissing me harshly and grabbing my breasts. "You look so fucking good in this dress. I can't look away from you." She started kissing down my neck, making my mind a fuzzy mess.

"JJ..."

"What is it baby? Tell me what you want? I'll give it to you."

"Your fingers. Please."

"Yes ma'am." She left hot wet kisses down the other side of my neck while dipping her fingers into my panties. I wrapped my arms around her, pulling her into me, wanting to feel every inch of her on me.

She shoved two fingers into me without warning and I had to bite back a moan by biting on her shoulder. She fingered me roughly, determined to pull every sound out of me. "Please...please please." It was the only word I could bring myself to say.

"Please what honey? I can't understand you."

"I need to..." My legs were becoming jello underneath me as I got closer to my climax. "I'm so close...please." I moaned into her neck.

"Shh, I'll get you there baby." Her voice softened a bit. "Just stay quiet for me. You don't want anyone to hear, do you?" I shook my head, it was finally registering that we were in the bathroom of a bar.

"JJ- I'm gonna-"

"Cum for me sweet girl." She kissed my lips to stifle my moans as she fucked me through my orgasm. "So good...You did so good for me, so good." She licked off her fingers before pulling me into a hug. "Such a good girl for me." She rubbed my back while I caught my breath, wrapping her arm around my waist as we walked out. Penelope's eyes widened at my state.

"What happened?" She saw how sweaty and red I looked.

"Panic attack." I whispered, sitting down and wincing as my legs started to cramp.

"Oh." JJ gave her look to tell her not to press before she leaned in and whispered in my ear.

"We'll finish later."

[emocafe247]

Ok, so the summary of today's day (it's fun, you know I'm a writer, so I can make it fun):

Before the concert+the concert

I went out. It didn't rain. I got to the city centre and it was raining like hell, but of course I didn't have an umbrella... I had my leather jacket though. Leather jackets are useful, because you can take them off and cover your hair and they don't get wet. But when I got there, it stopped raining, yay! Lucky me 😆

I got there maybe an hour before the doors? I would get an usual spot at the barrier on the side, but a girl was keeping it for her friend, so I let them have it and went to the middle. It was scary at first, because I never know what my happen and it's hard for me to stand for too long (which everyone knows, because I talk about it here a lot), but as usual the BC fandom here is very chill and most people were super nice and friendly and polite to each other, it's one of the main reasons why I love their concerts so much 💖

Most of the time I didn't see much, but Joel and Joonas got many interactions, if I find videos of those, I'll let you know! I had Joel right in front of me almost all the time, I could see his red snoot and wet upper lip, and he hit his face with the chain all the damn time... this guy 😆. Honestly, I had more fun there, in the 3rd row, than at the barrier on the side. Maybe it's because I was close to Joel, dunno 🤣. But it was probably my best BC concert so far, because I finally managed to relax and my anxiety was on a very low level. It really makes a huge difference!

Oh, and of course I lost my hairband with a big red bow. All because of Ghostkid's vocalist! I was filming Dark Side and he got near the crowd, I had no idea he was going to jump into it, because I'm small, I barely can see what's going on with everyone around being so tall. So he knocked off my hairband and I managed to catch my classes on time 😭. But I did catch him somehow, I made sure he didn't fall. Also damn, this guy is so light! Even with my health issues I feel like I could carry him myself easily. Also I'm not super sad about the hairband, if someone found it they can keep it, it's just a funny story 😂. If I lost my glasses, THEN I'd be upset. Because glasses are expensive. Btw I literally have it on video, I have proof! It's the funniest part of it 🤣

We also got another "kurwa bob" moment and Niko got a flower crown in the colors of the Polish flag! I even managed to take a quick photo (as I said, my camera is shite):

(he took it off soon after, so I was lucky to catch this moment on my camera, also hi Joel you look awful here, but so do I in most of the photos and you're still my fave edgelord 💖)

Meeting the band after the concert

I wasn't sure if it was worth to wait for them. It was still a bit rainy and the last day bus was leaving in 30min (night buses arrive only every 30min, so it's a pain in the ass). Most people have left, there weren't many of us left, maybe ~20 people waited? But I thought I don't get to see them live that often, so what the hell, I'll wait.

There were staff members and guys from the supporting bands walking around freely (everyone is always polite and we let them work in peace, it's why I love the fans here, they don't chase anyone away 💖), even Olli just walked around unbothered (I think only I noticed him at that time tbh, but I ain't a snitch hehe).

Tommi and Aleksi just went to the bus and it's understandable. Tommi is just Tommi and Aleksi was sick. All of the other guys actually stayed with us to talk and I've never had such a long interaction with them before! I feel even luckier and I'm so happy that I stayed 😍

I think everyone knows Joel is sick, so we didn't want to bug him too much. He was nice enough to let us take some photos and let us give him hugs, and he was pretty much braindead 😂. But it's understandable, he's usually braindead and he's also sick, so it's worse. I'm happy I could give him a proper hug this time, because the first time I met him I was too scared for one. The 2nd time I asked for one and patted his shoulder nervously. But this time? I just hugged him with no fear! I'm making progress here 💖

Niko is always the most friendly one, so we had a chat with him and he asked what does kurwa mean (really dude? you have no google in your phone?) and I told him it's like vittu, other people added more information, and I said he should google it, he'll find funny things. Niko, please. Just google it, dude 😂.

I also hugged him and he has a really soft coat, which other girls pointed out and he joked he's wearing nothing underneath, because he's Finnish and isn't cold (a deja vu moment, because there was exactly the same situation in Poznań before: "Niko, aren't you cold?" "No, I'm Finnish"), so I also told him it used to be much colder here in general, because we did have very cold winters before. It's always fun talking to Niko 💖

The next one was Olli, but I'm leaving Olli for the last part of the story, because it's the best. Now, I did hug Joonas and got a photo with him, but my brain is totally blank if we actually did talk to him. I think not really? Uh, dunno 😂. But it was a positive interaction as well 💖

Now, Olli. Everyone knows I just couldn't like the guy because of his crazy stans, so I was "meh" about him, but actually meeting him properly just changed my mind. He's really easy to talk to! But I really didn't think I'd manage to come up with an interesting topic, I usually have nothing to say and I'm horrible at asking questions.

My brain decided to ask him about Silent Library. It basically went like:

Me: "So I watched this show, Silent Library Suomi, and you were getting all these red cards. Was it done like that on purpose, or was it just a coincidence?

Olli (grinning): "it's called back luck"

Now, if you watched their vlogs and he had those funny moments with puns everyone loved, IT WAS LIKE ONE OF THOSE MOMENTS. But I don't have it on the camera (which is ok, I did that just for myself).

He explained it really was accidental and no one was plotting against him (I did joke that Joel maybe did 😂). I think he enjoyed talking about it, because I doubt anyone would get an idea to ask him about this show (though I might be wrong).

So here you go, it's called bad luck. That's it. I got the info from the man himself 😂

But, there's more. The girl who was taking photos of us had a malfunctioning phone and accidentally took a photo of his feet and he was wearing flip flops (she did show it to him too lmao). I'll share it as soon as I get it. Also she came up with a joke that I already told her I'm going to steal:

OlliFans

(feet pic coming soon 👌)

We all laughed really loud at it (Olli wasn't there anymore, so we=us girls), so I'm releasing it into the world, because it can't be kept in containment 😂

That's it for now, more video content coming tomorrow (cause I'm tired)

[gurugirl]

Heya girlie!! I hope you’re having the loviest day and have been drinking plenty of water💓 cheeky nosey question? Do you have anything sitting in your drafts that you’re undecided on posting?👀 or any concepts you’ve thought of or like that you might put out soon!

OH HI! I'm having a good good day yes! Just writing and sipping some iced coffee with my dog next to me so I have no complaints. I haven't had any actual water today but iced coffee counts yeah? 😬 I hope you're also keeping hydrated and having a lovely day :)

And I love these cheeky nosy questions!! Do I have anything sitting in my drafts??? Does this answer your question? 🤭

Let's see...

Of the things in my drafts that I feel like I can talk about (buckle up, it gets wild!)

I've got another subrry that's partly done (based on this couple),

I've got an extra part to go with this but it's not finished,

I have a few requests for a bunch of things that are really similar that I didn't share because I started writing them but never finished - and still intend on getting to them,

an idea with a housesitter!yn I started cooking up based on a cute/cheesy movie from the 90s with Goldie Hawn and Steve Martin (🙈) called Housesitter.

AS WELL as another idea I started based on another 90s late 80s (just checked and this one is 1987 lol) movie with Michael J Fox called Secret of My Success (I don't know what to tell y'all, sometimes I just go off the rails and start something to make it my own and it's based on cheesy older movies but I can't help myself 😂),

military!harry x military!reader

A Don't Stand So Close check where Harry grows a bit of a mustache

a stepdad!h idea someone sent me with a lingerie shopping spree

a MFM threesome idea I've been working on FOREVER

the beginning of a part 2 to Sex Ed with Harry that never got finished

a body guard harry (but i wanted to wait bc it was at a time when there were a bunch of body guard harrys coming out and I didn't want to feel like i was competing with the other amazing authors already doing it and doing it better most likely lol

a request for harry x his wife's best friend 🫣 that I have two versions of and cannot figure out how to finish and also wanted to give y'all a break from the cheating trope for a bit

hitman!harry who's very protective of yn and she has no idea he has feelings for her (or that he's a hitman) until one day she's in trouble and he saves her 👀

dark!harry who's your bartender and winds up talking you into going home with him and things get... interesting but you wind up LOVING it - felt a lot like MCC Harry with those kidnapping vibes (even tho yn doesn't get kidnapped it felt too similar at the time so I didn't finish it)

Phew! So that's some of what I've got in there. That's not to mention what I've got in my actual Word docs drafts (that's where I have most of my WIPs and unposted, unfinished fics). Potentially I could just hit post on some of the things but uffff!!! I really prefer everything to be readable and perfect.

Is there anything on this list y'all would be interested in currently??

xoxo

[alitgblog]

volume V thoughts bc once again fusebox has got me intrigued

first of all omg wtf

I usually end up reading a few spoilers before I play bc I'm bored at work but don't wanna play the volume until I get back but I had such a busy day at work I didn't do that and wow ok I gotta avoid spoilers more often I was shook

so excess baggage was okay. like yeah makes sense we want the couples to be tense again before voting the couple superlatives thing, but also such a throwaway. (and also I talked about this in my post about last volume, but we have so many challenges in a row!! why)

since my MC did initially flirt with Oakley a lot more than Jin, I do think it's funny Oakley talks about how cool MC's secret is (like it's annoying fs but also something I've seen happen on love island to create small drama but then ultimately it's just talk so it's nice to have that happen here).

Also i was worried Oakley was gonna turn on us or flirt with us and abandon Emel, so I'm very glad he was just asking for advice. (I'm a big Oakley and Emel fan, what can I say?) I'd be okay if that led into a different storyline where you could pursue Oakley later, but with how fusebox has been making the seasons lately, once you pick you've made your choice and I do miss in for example s2 where even if you don't pick Lurik when they first become available you have a chance the next recoupling and it feels like it changes your route.

Jack is still mad at MC??

Couples game was fun. I wish fusebox formatted it so you discuss with your partner and then make a choice before everyone revealed their answers instead of people talking and explaining before the player picks their answer. Like we know the characters already, just let me pick and we can see who agrees.

Oakley's evening wear outfit 😍 best dressed boy fs

I of course could never bear to see Oakley and Emel go, but I surprisingly actually missed Sophie and Jack as soon as they left but like in a me missing Allegra and Miles/Jasper when they left. Like yeah they were irritating but they brought drama and I understand where Allegra/Sophie is coming from (and I support women's wrongs lol)

Jin going through his main character of S6 arc??? No but fr I can't imagine why the public would vote him out so he's either hiding something that's gonna come out when he gets back or he was voted most popular and is gonna come back soon. I hope it's not casa because (1) that already happened in s6 and (2) I want the chance to flirt around with new characters in casa lol. I've seen a few theories around and I have no idea which is true but if I could throw in another idea which is post casa, MC is finally with a bombshell, Claudia/Theo, or a casa boy and things seem good but Jin and Luna show up together as returning islanders and MC has to choose between Jin and her current LI.

It's so interesting for drama, like ik I'm here for it. But a lot of people like loyal routes so I hope yall are doing okay

I was like half hoping we could walk out with him even though of course fusebox isn't giving us that option but like I wish he said something like hey you just got here, enjoy your time at the Villa and I'll wait out there for you no matter what happens. just to explain why MC wouldn't leave. that being said, their goodbye was so sweet.

One thing that's different in the game than the show is the number of islanders present at once, which makes sense its hard to keep track of all of them (though they've done it before in s2), and it just is weird bc now the people in the Villa are MC (single), Claudia and Theo (who don't like each other), and Emel and Oakley (only one couple).

despite my complaint about the challenge thing this is great pacing/timing for a new islander. it's just a shame the screwed over Tyler coming in so soon after MC. I can't remember if I already wrote this in my last post but I almost wish he came in with MC and got a better chance.

[ha-ule-nalu]

# my ocs as two door cinema club songs ━ 🌊

(bc theyre one of my fav bands and i need to involve my ocs in everything)

༄ | SATORU : SUN

ocean blue what have i done to you? cut so deep yet growing through and through drawn apart, new york and london all i see now, are distant drumlins the roads i knew became a city and i wonder, will you wait for me? although i'm far away i know i'll stay, i know i'll stay right there though it might be too late what would you say? what would you say? what would you do?

༄ | BITO : EAT THAT UP, ITS GOOD FOR YOU

your other love is gone and you know it's too late, it's too late you've got another one coming and it's gonna be the same it's too late, it's too late you've got another one coming and it's gonna be the- it's not the same, it's not the same, it's not the same you're gonna tell me that i'm right you know, you're gonna come back down find yourself where you are again you didn't know, you didn't know, you didn't know so don't pretend you saw it now it's not something you'd want to happen

༄ | ASASE EIJI : NEXT YEAR

i don't know where i am going to rest my head tonight so i won't promise that i'll speak to you today but if i ever find another place a better time for that moment i was never what i am take me to where you are what you've become and what you will do when i am gone i won't forget, i won't forget maybe someday, you'll be somewhere talking to me as if you knew me saying i'll be home for next year, darling i'll be home for next year

༄ | AUGUST : THIS IS THE LIFE

feel something right and feel something good 'cause if one thing works you might know it's true, it's true 'cause this if this is the life, this is the life this is the life, this is the life this is the life, then who'd argue? one year, 5 days and we're starting new try to make a change it's one more thing to do, to do

༄ | NOHEALANI / PUA : COME BACK HOME

another saturday, another careless move tells the world that you're thinking of what to do a window opens up, and someone calls your name but i can tell you don't know how to play this game i know this isn't it, uh-uh you'll hit your target someday so now you're on your own won't you come back home? to see you're not that kind and find the strength, to find the strength to find another way, to find another way so, tell me what you need and i'll accommodate but if too long goes by, you just might be too late an opportunity you can't afford to waste so have the lines in your head first for heaven's sake

༄ | POEIVA / MONARCH : SLEEP ALONE

he sleeps alone he needs no army where he's headed 'cause he knows that they're just ghosts and they can't hurt him if he can't see them, oh and i may go, to places i have never been to find the deepest desires in my mind we, we only know, what we see 'cause we're always fast asleep is it so hard not to believe that we'll never know oh hold, hold, hold, hold me close i've never been this far from home

༄ | SHIZUKA / RYUUJIN : SURE ENOUGH

tell us what you're frightened of just give it up here's the flood sure enough, sure enough give me just a little bit of peace instead i've got only so much room inside my head i've got better ways that i could use my time thing of something else so i don't lose my mind i know you're giving what we're asking for but nothing good can come from opening that door everything's enough to keep us wanting more and more, and more, and more, and more, and more won't somebody tell me what's going on?

༄ | KAI : SOMEDAY

is it a race, or a chase? it's a difficult one are you running faster and further away or are you trying to keep up? sticks and stones have left you alone and all your words will soon desert you are you waiting? there is no time for wasting any time this is the end of the line the definite sign of what we will be someday where do we start if we will end apart? where do we go from here? it's head versus heart, it will all be clear someday

༄ | KILORN TAKAGI : LUCKY

keep on pulling bricks out of the wall i'll be right there, waiting until you find that you can't go back again or put it back, put it back together we're running out of luck, i can feel the change holding on to little pieces of what remains and was it not enough? we're blowing out the flame hoping that there's something coming is not the same, the same, the same

[eliotlime]

Hello, I first saw your comics on tapastic. I was just today going thru all my subscriptions to cull out the ones that haven't updated in a while and weren't memorable enough for me to remember a single detail of. I found yours and was abruptly reminded of how much I loved your content. I'm a bit too busy now to really immerse myself in what you've got going on anymore, but I'm really glad to see you're still around. I can't honestly say I remember any of the comics you posted bc I was not my best self at the time, but I can say they meant a lot to me. Anyways, the point of this message is to thank you for being a relatable voice when I needed one. I'm really glad to see you're still around and that you've got things that you find enjoyable enough to blog about.

Hey man that's great, I'm glad you remember me! I feel like I can say the same about me making the at the time comics as well, I went through a few years absolutely hating that comic and what it represented because I made it as a way to cope with.. honestly, being a teenager. I really didn't like who I was and that comic was like a great summation of my being at the time.

(read more cause woof i talk alot!)

I'm just skimming through it because I pretty much forgot what I've even made. Like Holy Shit I made 117 comics? I think it holds up okay, it's pretty normal relatable humour though a bit dated. I think i definitely could have been a little weirder with it, though at one point I did try to do something meta with it (chickened out though, it was just way past my skill level). It all just screams of being a teenager, and that level of sincerity would make anyone cringe.

I think it's wild to me how willing i was to share my life to the world like that when I was so riddled with anxiety and sadness. Can't say I'm free of that still but I'm working through it, and I still stand by the last update I posted to that comic. .. Though I'd cut back on how many jokes i'd make to mask my fear this time. I still really love comics, narratives and characters! Though I've not been very good at sharing them lately haha but I promise I'm still chipping away at them. This is probably a very strange time to mention but I set up a Patreon recently, though I haven't gotten around to announcing it formally. But I have a short comic up in there I did for school! Of course if you don't feel like subscribing, I also have it as a one time purchase on gumroad as well :)

One more thing I'd like to say is that the timing of this ask is pretty crazy, cause I was just thinking of doing a retrospective. Just the general reflecting on art school and just looking back on what being nonbinary means to me and I guess YLNB as a whole. Though it's probably too soon to reflect on the latter haha, I'm probably going to wait another 3 more years.

Anyway thank you for reading and sticking around! I hope you're in a better place anon, I know things are rough in the world but I promise that there's good things too! If you'd like to support me I have Kofi and as previously mentioned a fresh new Patreon (wow!) I'm also on youtube where you can find some of my animations and though I've never mentioned it I'm drawing a rabbit (well, lagomorph but its been bunny central lately) a day @dailylagomorphs! We're about the half way point so you can spend half your year looking at all those little guys.

Additionally! my commissions are open! if you want to buy a funny little drawing from me

[loveandscience]

been in and out of intense anxiety the last couple days, so maybe writing it here will help

Okay so my old dentist who I loved retired, and gave his practice over to a new guy. Tuesday, I went to try out the new dentist and very loudly in the next room while I had my teeth cleaned, he was telling someone how they didn't need a crown or something because God designed the perfect teeth system?????

And as soon as he introduces himself to me, he out of the blue goes on about a "beautiful sermon I heard" on the way to work, and how this really ill woman had so much faith that she would just get better, and that she "touched Jesus" and was instantly healed. I'm sitting there with his sharp tools in my mouth and he's going on a religious rant and what the fuck am I going to do? He does tell me I have 2 cavities, then overcharges me for the cleaning and "exam."

Decided I really needed a new fucking dentist, and thankfully my friends suggested some to try. So Wednesday, I called a place and they got me in, and they were so nice and professional and I really liked them! They did another exam on me and apparently the last dentist (maybe the one before, too) had missed an entire fucking dead tooth???? It's been discolored for years but old dentist never thought it was an issue... Apparently it's dead and needs a root canal. Who the fuck knows how long it's been dead. Terrifying. Also they say it's 3 cavities not 2.

Anxious about the root canal, I've never had one, and it's so expensive. The same day I have my root canal, I also am driving somewhere I've never been an hour away to see my new liver doctor, and that's also terrifying.

On top of those expenses, I'm hoping to sign kiddo up for Brazilian Jiu Jitsu lessons bc I think it'll be really good for them and they are really interested.

But I've also had several clients transition to every other week or end, which is good they're doing better. I also have less income though so need to market again for new clients. Husband was planning to increase his income by taking classes paid for by work, but the classes are taking so long that I wouldn't be surprised if it takes all year, which is not what we'd hoped for a timeline.

Pet Day at kiddo's school is coming up and last year's Pet Day, we brought our cat who ended up dying shortly after. He had cancer which obviously wasn't caused by Pet Day, but I do think he picked up a virus which might have exacerbated the cancer. I'm planning to make sure every kid sanitizes their hands before touching the cat we bring this time, and bringing the young healthy one instead of the old frail one. Still some anxiety.

Wanted to take kiddo to this snow place in FL this weekend, but tickets plus parking are 100 dollars, yikes. So been incredibly anxious about that. Just before clicking buy I checked and it's supposed to be thunderstorms that day, so texted the friend we were planning to go with and hoping we can put that off... Really anxious they might have already bought tickets even though they said they'd wait til after I bought ours (maybe they could pick up on my anxiety around committing, idk).

So the common theme, laying these all out, seems to be financial. Which is sad, because I wanted to scale back on work and be able to rest more and focus on my health, but with husband not likely to be making much more money any time soon, it means I need to work more hours. Which is hard with the amount of dr appointments I'm going to have to be having.

At least... I got a little while of getting to work out almost daily and rest up.

[caelumangeli]

Just as things started getting easier after the cluster fuck that was the end of last year for me, and finally getting a new car after my car broke down, new car got stolen, and I basically had to teach myself manual on the temp car I was driving.

I spent 7 hours today waiting to get my cat in with the vet because he has an issue with his eye that could be trauma that needs to heal. Or it could be a tumor.

I don't have the money to make an appointment with a normal vet because I work commission and people don't want to spend money in winter around the holidays so I took him to an urgent care in a non profit organization that I used to get my other cat spayed for $150(plus a chip and shots and stuff) compared to $800 it would cost everywhere else.

They are walk in exclusive and only allow so many patients in a day so once it's full thats it. Went 7:30am to be there when they open to make sure I'd get in because when you get there doesn't matter, it's determined by severity of each pet to make sure those who have more immediate needs are taken care of, and understandably an eye issue like he had isn't high priority. But it wasn't until 2:30, when they close at 3pm that I went and asked if they'd still have time to take in my cat and check on him bc I know they close soon, and I was being extremely patient despite crying in my car for hours while my cat cried because he was both in a cage and in a car which he hates for hours, because it'd non profit snd the fact it would only cost me maybe $150-$200 was my only option.

I guess they completely overlooked him. So they didn't realize that I had still been waiting with him to be seen after 6.5 hours.

But they waived the exam fee and had given me a bunch of different medications for him to make sure he'd be good and comfortable and didn't charge me for that either because of the situation. They want me to bring him back next week, and assured me this won't happen again, so they can followup and confirm what's going on.

I want to say his eye isn't as red as it was on Tuesday when I noticed it, but I csnt say for sure. They said it was a good sign I'd thst is the case, so I just need to keep an eye on him.

He's already like 11 years old, and I've had him since he was so small he fit in 1 of my hands. He's my grumpy little baby and he's grumpy at everyone but he adores me and would let me do anything to him. He complains if I smother him with love frequently but whenever I don't he starts coming up and getting really affectionate and needy on me and everything because he does like it. He's just a sensitive lil boy and most people don't respect or care for what he likes or not enough for him to actually like them like he does me and my roommate. She's like the only one that's properly respected what I say and he shows that he likes or doesn't like, or how to tell if hes fine being held if/by the noise he makes when you pick him initially.

He's /my/ first pet and my first cat and my brother used to say I stole his kitten he found, even though he had a cat already, and it was established if we got another cat, they would be my cat. It took a couple of years because we were young, but he full heartedly admits Ezekiel has most certainly always been my cat, and he was just jealous because he wanted a kitten.

My other cat, Pudge, is even his daughter.

I've just been so worried about if this could mean something else is wrong with him I couldn't just wait to see how it goes I don't know how quickly some of these medical issues escalate but I know some of them can be quickly.

[anachronistic-falsehood]

5 (and why is it dreamstuck 👀) and also.... 50 >:]

5. What fanfic of yours should everyone have read?

YEAH. DREAMSTUCK FOR SURE. I've had so many people say they they're reading without even knowing what homestuck is and others saying that they've started reading homestuck because of it and i'm like YESS!!!! YESSSSS SPREADING THE HOMESTUCK!!!! But also another fic i would like everyone to read right immediately now is probablyyyyy Parting Words. It is the only moon knight fic i have ever written but i love it so so so much, it reads exactly how i wanted, and it's just. exactly what i wished we could see in another MCU Moon Knight episode, it's something I wanted to see in the show that we didn't get and I love it very very much :3

50. Can we get a teaser for an upcoming chapter?

HEHEHEHE >:33 i am so excited for this chapter :33 i'm gonna put this under a cut because it is Long and also contains some motherfuckin uhhhhhhh SPOILERS for ch 77 of dreamstuck so if u don't want spoilers u can turn back now but i am sooooo so so excited about this and i hope u will be too!!! this chapter is going to be called Clockwork Sorrow, if that gives u any prior hint as to what it might be about :3

==>Tom: Pester Tubbo.

-- bigmanCat [BC] began pestering nuclearBuzz [NB] --

BC: hey NB: hey whats up bossman NB: any idea where ranboo is i tried to get a hold of him but hes ignoring me BC: yeah uh BC: I came to LOFAE BC: I found him, he’s okay, just distracted NB: wait is this tom? BC: no dude this is tommy what the fuck NB: idk i guess you just feel similar your literally the same person anyway BC: uh also BC: about Tom? BC: I found him too BC: He’s kinda dead. NB: what BC: yeah like he’s DEAD dead man BC: kicked the bucket, whatever. NB: holy shit what happened BC: I don’t really know??? I wasn’t here for it but I think he got stabbed BC: buncha underlings BC: one of ‘em must have found like a sword or some shit that Ranboo left laying around? Idk but he is stabbed the fuck out NB: cant you revive him BC: nope i BC: i tried BC: he was doomed so i guess my dream self/sprite didn’t register as his or something so it couldn’t be his backup life BC: idk if it would even work for me bc you know it’s a sprite and all NB: oh man thats sad NB: i really liked him BC: yeah BC: me too NB: im sorry bossman ill be on lofae as soon as i can BC: NO BC: i mean BC: stay there BC: i don’t want you to see this you know??? BC: Ranboo and I will head back to his house and open a memo. BC: I don’t think we have a lot of time. NB: wdym BC: there’s a fourth planet in out Incipisphere, idk what it means but i think BC: i think we might need a fourth player somehow. BC: and the Reckoning’s already started. NB: hply shit NB: yeah get over there as fast as you can ill be waiting online BC: on it, see you there

-- bigmanCat [BC] ceased pestering nuclearBuzz [NB] --

You heave a sigh and lower your phone. The back of your head thunks against the tree trunk you’re sitting against. Ranboo makes another weird alien noise somewhere in his chest. You feel so, SO bad about lying to Tubbo about this, but what else can you do?

Your name is Tommy Innit, and you just watched yourself die.

Wack.

[seaofolives]

ok but some selfish and abrasive g witch finale thoughts:

all these boohoos going on about how that shit sucked bc they were really expecting a kiss on screen and it didn't happen and how the execs chickened out of a """real gay rep""" just really tells me how much better we acespecs are at finding and telling a love story. like if fucking yuri on ice didn't/couldn't do it (I know this is a time slot thing and pls, we are talking about a production that happened in a country where the fucking nagano ruling is already considered monumental! try to imagine that if u can!!!!), what the fuck makes you think a gundam show will? and like, a kiss? really is the only way you'll believe two queer people are in love? so if you see two people who are out and out and they're just holding hands, you're not gonna believe they're in love??? come the fuck on, stranger

like let's give this the benefit of the doubt: execs wanted an onscreen kiss for the impact and the hashtag but censorship is homophobic and stuff. look, they went around it, didn't they?? eri identified herself as miorine's fucking sister-in-law, they have motherfucking rings, and they're living together???? and in so doing delivered an even more holistic couple??? and you're telling me that's not queer rep, that they're not in love, and that they owe it to you to explain their love story as if they didn't fucking spend 576 minutes telling it and almost literally even died for it??? like maybe at this point, people should just fing reevaluate their shallow grasp on romance and maybe even their inherent acephobia

am I stepping on toes here? yeah I'm fucking stepping on toes here but I wouldn't be me if I wasn't making enemies left and right, right? also you can't blame me for being angry about the way media has turned romance into a narrow checklist. I'm tired of that shit

in other news, after that roller-coaster ride of an anime, I think I'm suddenly prepared for anything the other animes I'm watching/games I'm playing can throw at me. character death? give it to me; my favorite character got a great ending in g witch so I'm happy to take a loss on another front. (and like come on, I was prepared for Jin Sakai to die until I realized that he was the mc of the DLC too which is a big duh on my part but anyway—) gay skater suddenly gets a girlfriend in the next season? give it to me, I don't care anymore. we'll all know it's fake anyway, we just need the money from the hetties

lastly and selfishly, I can finally work on my guel fanmix holy shit and boy am I glad I've been going on the right direction all along 😭😭😭 (guesule fanmix, don't worry, I have a hundred sad songs waiting for you, so you just sit right there and auntie liv will get to you soon 💖)

[thegeminisage]

doing a dog sidequest in zelda and i STILL cant pet them. got the ember trousers tho!!! i bet the whole outfit rules i cant wait to see it

wait wait these guys found a bottle...dont tell me its another gerudo love letter lol

oooh clues to the fierce deity armor...i found some already but that's COOL. and i gotta come back to get the sword even tho i snagged it with amiibo already lol

i've decided to clean up some shrines i've neglected to do...i promised myself i'd do more story but i never have TIME to sit down and enjoy it!!

this shrine by snowfield stable was absolutely delightful. 10/10. it feels like such a proper zelda dungeon

omg lol the well here is frozen

FAIRIES........man thats so cool. the way their light works in this game is absolutely stunningly beautiful. i wish they came in different colors like oot

always gotta grab a few seeds wherever i am but now it's time for A Different Shrine

i've got maybe 6-7 shrines i activated but did not do, and 2 shrines i did do but didn't get the chest at.....in hebra lol that was early game bs. "oh i want to have fun now i'll get the chests later" the literal devil talking smh

GOT MY LAST STAMINA WHEEL........taking a break 4 now but man am i ever stoked!!! my "being is overflowed with vigor" apparently. nice.

omg i never realized it but yunobo got added to the goron city statue!!

daruk looks like he's dabbing lol (i'm taking a pic of it for a sidequest)

death mountain intimidates me so i'm biting the bullet and heading to lanayru - i'm working my way from hateno up around the south/east side of the mountain. and i guess from there gradually towards kakariko, although i'm saving the ones in kakariko proper for later

IT'S NAYDRA HEY GIRL

good lord that horn went all the way back down to the ocean lol

omg my map says there's a letter in a bottle here...i see it now, but i can't believe i didn't see it when i was getting korok seeds before

i cheated and i know where the cave is, so i'm not gonna follow the brightbloom seeds. i'm going that way anyway on my korok journey and i don't want to do it twice in a row. koroks robbed me of doign this quest organically!! oh well. it's my own fault for looking at "user contributed" on the map lol

dragging my bike around in this cave with me bc my supplies are so desperately low lol. idw it to respawn i JUST made it

oh........................i don't know if i can get it back out lol

i did it!! it would have been less trouble to make a new bike which sort of defeats the purpose but whatever

mapla point, my old enemy...when i had 899 seeds in botw, here was the missing one

i can see the brightbloom seed trail from here! it's quite beautiful actually, especially at night. the reflections on the dark water..........

i wish i could shoot arrows while riding the bike/any vehicle. that would fucking rule

if theres one thing i do like about koroks its how the boulder rolling puzzles from botw became these put the boulder OUT of the hole into the tree puzzles. really good subversion since rolling boulders into holes is now completely doable with ultrahand without any effort or thinking at all. and thank god for that frankly.

i thot maybe this cave guy would turn out to be a yiga but he was legit lol good for him

ok, before i tackle lanayru proper i need more FANS........always out of mf supplies around here smh

the gacha i use for fans also gives out portable pots and flame emitters, at what feels like a higher rate...i don't use flame emitters often but it's nice to know there will never come a time when i'm not able to cook lol

49 fans, but only 9 steering sticks! if only there was a gacha that gave out nothing BUT fans and steering sticks...bc soon i'll have to go load up on THOSE

kinda good that i need fan refills so often tho bc from there i go straight down to this construct camp and then into the mining cave to trade zonaite for crystalized charges AND there's zonaite mining in there...a good thing to do regularly. i don't have as many problems finding zonaite as i do with that middle step of trading it for crystalized charges lol. i kind of wish they hadn't added that in there

ugh, off to lanayru we go.

it's fine. i have snowboots now, and so many fire arrows

WAIT DROP EVERYTHING STAR PIECE

lmao. warp into lanayru warp out of lanayru

oh my god i left at 2:55am i can't BELIEVE i made it in time. thank you, bike. thank you, dark link armor

ugh. ok. back to. lanayru

first stop of COURSE back to the wisdom spring. girl i finally have that claw

done. one down two to go........i have the claws i just never wind up at the springs lol. i never want to go near the quarry again <3

AWWW addison is here shivering in the cold...he says he eats food to deal with the weather conditions but man!!! buddy!!!!!

love it when he gives me muddlebuds. king

accidentally dropped my bike off the side of the mountain lol. i used recall on it just in time but it went too far before i canceled and dropped into a lizalfos camp. life is so textured

spotted naydra coming out of her hole (and doing just fine). beautiful! sadly not chasing her at this time though rip in peace the mats i could have farmed

plotting my next few korok seeds and apparently there's not one but THREE sets of gloom hands near one of them (purifier lake). no fucking thank you i'm quitting before i get to that one. a problem for tomorrow me

maybe if i'm careful i can fly over them...? eugh there's a shrine near there too. why do they make certain areas scary in both games!! there was a lynel here in botw!!!!

oh it's zelda 🥺🥺🥺 she's so far away though, i can't go chasing her either...babygirl i miss you

ugh fine ok it's the next seed and i don't wanna quit yet...i'm just gonna fly over them. you have to be kinda close for them to spawn...hopefully it will be fine...

yea tho i walk through the shadow of death or whatever i fear no evil if i can fly the fuck over it

successful landing. no hands so far. if i don't move much while i solve this block puzzle. OF ALL THINGS. maybe it will be fine

I DID IT......

AND it looks like the shrine is underground. huge win for me

wow! and one long trip thru an underground road later here i am at the good old promenade. a great place to either start or fuck off from tomorrow <3

[brendaonao3]

The Forge, Death Takes a Holiday or The Offer! I'd love to hear about any or all of these WIP's! 😍

HIHI!!! Sorry - again - for answering these late <3

For the WIP Meme (where I get to talk about my insane number of WIPs to anyone who asks)

The Forge (Superbat)

Oh man, I feel awful about this one, because I've been promising @susiecarter I would finish it for...Idk, 3 years? 4 years? now - I'm an awful friend. :D

But, well, I'll just put the my initial word vomit to Susie here to explain the idea behind it:

Bruce would make a great Hephaestus (SUPER smart and misunderstood and thinks he's flawed!) and just picture Clark as Aphrodite (as this symbol of hope and love and beauty and making people believe in themselves and be BETTER)

and there's no way a god like that would be interested in anyone like Bruce - i mean, who would stick a creature of light and beauty in a literal CAVE

so, start like the OG myth and they're already married, either for political reasons or Zeus was just being a dick - but they've never met because Bruce doesn't leave his cave ever since The Tragedy

And Clark doesn't feel this big need to get to know his spouse, why should he, he's beautiful and young and the god of love and hope, he has better things to do

But say Clark either pisses off Zeus or Hera or Ares or maybe he makes a bet (which was something Aphrodite did) that he could get anyone to fall in love with him

And someone (Diana bc she would want to take Clark down a peg) is all, well, what about your husband, and Clark's all pfft easy peasy he hides in his cave all the time, give me a real challenge

And bc the gods are the gods and are capricious as fuck, they're all, okay, well, what if you didn't have your glimmer and you had to make him fall for you posing as a human

Oh and you only have...let's be generous...six months...and Clark is all, i can do it in 3

And they don't mention (of course) that Clark will be STUCK there the entire time, so no sneaking off to be all beautiful and adored and godlike (because Clark is very good at his job, but he's a little out of touch and in danger of becoming a total asshole, so everyone thinks this will teach him humility)

And of course, Bruce is going to be his usual grumpy and pissed off and brilliant self who suffers no fools, so yeah, and also happens to take his marriage vows seriously (because he takes everything seriously)

So good luck Clark!

Death Takes A Holiday (Steve/Bucky)

I should probably just say this one is abandoned by this point, which is a shame, because I got about 19k written before I stalled out. But it was basically my take on the Hades/Persephone story (Bucky as Hades, Steve in the Persephone role, still male) mixed in with a bit of the plot from the film Heaven Can Wait - ie, Steve gets stuck Hades' realm because his thread was accidentally cut a second too soon, so he's not quite dead, not quite alive, and no one can figure out what to do with him, least of all Bucky :D

The Offer (HangMav & HangRoosMav)

This is straight up a sequel to the end of The Bet where Mav invited Hangman to join him and Rooster in bed - only Hangman decides to make Mav (and Rooster) work for it, and they all make another bet that Mav can get Hangman into their bed within 48 hours (essentially) without either touching Hangman OR doing anything seductive (ie, no dirty talk, no dick pics, no suggestive flirting) :D

[frederickkatz]

Texts: Sparky (Cameron) & Freddie

@cameronslaw

[Following Wednesday]

Freddie: hey Sparky!

Freddie: sorry I was MIA, things got crazy busy with both jobs and the finding a place and then moving and it's been more chaotic than I expected

Freddie: hope you're ok, and specially not overthinking and blaming yourself cause you promised to be a good boy 😉

Cam: Freddie!

Cam: hi!

Cam: me overthinking? pffffffff

Cam: 😇

Cam: did you find a place?

Freddie: does it mean I'll have to punish you for not behaving as you promised?

Freddie: I did, I'm still finishing some touches but it's almost ready

Freddie: I'll send you the address as soon as it's all done

Freddie: how have you been¡

Cam: punish me??? but I’ve been the best boy!

Cam: I even did my homework

Cam: which, by the way, amounted to 42 kisses and 5 fucks

Cam: just saying

Cam: can't wait to see it!

Cam: I’ve been a bit bummed out tbh, but it's all better now

Cam: how about you? having fun decorating the new place?

Freddie: I'll ask Trevor just to make sure

Freddie: lmao! Good, I'm glad you're taking count tho you probably omitted the spanks

Freddie: ah! I knew it. I told you not to worry, I just needed to handle this, and I did tell you beforehand, so you didn't think I was ignoring you

Freddie: I'm fine. I'm not, I like how the place is, I'm just getting some furniture and brought my stuff from the hotel last night so I'm waiting for a few things to arrive, and it'll be set

Cam: ...okay fine, maybe I did overthink a bit, but Trevor helped me to stop

Cam: I don't choose the spanks; those are not my department 💅

Cam: I know!!! and I thank you a lot for it, it was the reason why I could get out of that spiral at some point, just

Cam: old habits die hard

Cam: but I am trying

Cam: oooh! so I’ll be able to come over in a couple of days then?

Freddie: That's good to hear. I'm glad he helped

Freddie: well a really good boys also knows when they don't behave right and when they deserve some spanks so...

Freddie: it's ok, I figured it would be hard cause you were taking a blame you didn't deserve, and you've done that before, so I figure it was a normal response from you when things go south

Freddie: I know, I'm proud of you for that

Freddie: tho I did miss hear from you, I figured you'd reach out, but I understand that probably you tried to give me space

Freddie: hopefully, yeah, if you want to of course

Cam: true... ok maybe I’m not such a good boy then

Cam: thank you

Cam: I missed talking to you, but I figured if you said you'd be a bit unreachable, me bugging you could mess something up

Cam: and I said I’d wait, right? so I waited

Cam: I’d love to!

Freddie: well but good boys earn their good status by behaving and accepting their punishment, but I'll let it pass this one-time cause of the distress 😘

Freddie: I appreciate that you gave me some space. If something like this happens again, don't hesitate to reach out. It might take me a bit, but I'll reply

Freddie: that's true, you did

Freddie: good! I'll send the address later today or tomorrow

Cam: you're the best 🫰🏼

Cam: ok!

Cam: ok!!!!

Cam: in the meantime tho

Cam: you're working tonight?

Cam: bc even tho you're this immortal super being, your vessel probably needs to rest too

Freddie: I know 😏

Freddie: not working tonight

Freddie: I've been resting. I meant it that you didn't have to worry. Maya let me borrow her apartment while I found my own so don't think I was struggling that much

Freddie: how was work? You didn't have another argument with Warren did you? I know his support is important for your project and I don't want that to be affected because he and I don't always see things eye to eye

Cam: well if you're not working, you're more than welcome to come over (:

Cam: I mean, I know how messy things get while moving, and I happen to have a warm bed with loads of space

Cam: we did

Cam: but I stand by what I said

Cam: and he didn't pull out of the project yet, so that's promising

Cam: work has been slow; we sent out a bunch of documents and I'm just waiting for signatures

Cam: just the boring part of being a lawyer I guess

Freddie: well that's sounds nice, only if I bring dinner. It's the least I could do after such a nice invitation

Freddie: Cameron. Please don't do that. Whatever are the problems between me and my brother shouldn't affect you. Especially with your job.

Freddie: hope you get everything back with the signatures you need

Freddie: any news on the kid you wanted to adopt?

Cam: you've got yourself a deal (: what are you in the mood for?

Cam: it's not light we're fighting! It was just a divergence of opinions

Cam: and it was not because of you either!

Cam: thanks

Cam: I'm not "adopting" her, just being her legal guardian, and YES! I'm seeing if I can bring her over for Thanksgiving (: I'm really excited about it

Cam: she's never been in a town with so many spn people before

Freddie: You. But you can choose dinner

Freddie: still. Don't make him your enemy please

Freddie: isn't that the same thing?

Freddie: that sounds nice

Freddie: hope it's not overwhelming for her

Cam: 🙈

Cam: Chinese?

Cam: don't plan to!

Cam: yeah, but with one I have a kid calling me Cameron and the other calling me dad

Cam: and I'm not exactly dad material 😛

Cam: thanks! I hope so too

Cam: I plan on introducing her slowly, so she makes friends around town and has people to hang out with during the holidays

Cam: do you have plans for Thanksgiving?

Freddie: what? Are you blushing now?

Freddie: Chinese it is

Freddie: ok good point

Freddie: how are you so sure about that?

Freddie: it's sounds good

Freddie: you do realize I don't celebrate holidays, right?

Cam: no??

Cam: I'm not exactly a good influence

Cam: or have any of the stability a kid need

Cam: well yeah but I can't imagine the bar will have any movement on Thanksgiving so I figured you'd have the day off

Cam: have you ever eaten Thanksgiving dinner? I think you'd like it

Freddie: ok, I'll believe that you're not blushed nor hard

Freddie: who says that?

Freddie: vampires don't celebrate the holidays either

Freddie: not on Thanksgiving but it's just another day for me really

Freddie: I assume everyone else in town has plans already so the best plan for me is to go through it as any other day

Cam: I didn't say anything about hard

Cam: idk it's kinda common sense

Cam: oh right

Cam: well

Cam: would you like to have plans for Thanksgiving?

Freddie

Freddie: and like it better when you're hard AND blushed

Freddie: it's not

Freddie: I don't really care. It's just like any other day for me tho this is the first time in actually in human form for it

Freddie: it's really doesn't really matter to me

Cam: guess you're gonna have to come around to find out 🙃

Cam: welp

Cam: I'll save you a plate of the traditional Thanksgiving dinner for when you get home from work then (:

Freddie: I'll be there in a bit. Need to get dinner first

Freddie: you really don't have to

Freddie: I figured you had plans with your family

Cam: ok!

Cam: what? the traditional Thanksgiving experience ™ is not about who's around, is all about the food, everybody knows that

Cam: not really, but I think dev and Adam might come over for dinner

Cam: we're not exactly an orthodox family lol

Freddie: like I said, I've tried all that before but not during the festivities

Freddie: well you have a brother, a brother-in-law, and a boyfriend. Seems like a family worth spending Thanksgiving with

Cam: and a guardianship over a teenage angel lol

Cam: but yeah I get it

Cam: btw, you can just pop inside if you'd like (: I'm gonna set the table

Cam: and yes, no dinner in bed tonight bc I know you and we're not gonna get around to eating if we do that lol

Freddie: true. A kid in the mix. Sounds like a perfect family setting for the festivities

Freddie: alright. I'll be there in 5

Freddie: good boy

Cam: will be ready by then

Cam: 😉

[nathank77]

11/16/24

6:53 p.m

She refused to go the hospital thank God. They got her in a chair and they told her if she falls again she's getting taken by force....

While she was walking around, Riley licked her sandwich like crazy. Funny enough she didn't actually eat it or steal it but she was licking it. I told my mother and told her not to eat it and that I would make her a sandwich bc Riley eats her fucking poop. And she ate it anyways.

I took a shower finally and got my last load of laundry in the washer. I'm never going to get my poison ivy clothes washed. Maybe next laundry day. I want to do them last for obv reasons.. but by the time I can wash them, it'll be like 8 p.m and I cannot fucking wait to take xanax and fucking go to sleep. And I'm not getting up to pee my body can go fuck itself.

My hallucination has been so much worse today bc of my lack of sleep... I've hallucinated more since I woke up this morning to now than I have in 3 FUCKING MONTHS. At least... not getting enough sleep severely effects my fucking auditory hallucinations and it makes me want to throw myself off a fucking Cliff. You have no fucking idea how fucking bad it's been. It might as well be fucking March or even January for christ sake.

I just want to fucking sleep and my bladder can fuck itself. When I get 7 hours then we can fucking pee and lay there tossing and turning for 2 hours. I cannot afford to lose hours of sleep. If it was like this everyday I'd be fucking dead.

I found some bins and organized my room pretty nicely. I'm trying really hard to make my room the most roomy it's ever been. Like it's sorta a studio apartment. I have that area where I put my water bottles when I was buying them filled with water gallons, plates, bowls, bread, v8, spoons, etc. So it's hidden off in a corner.

But ever since Riley got here and I've had gloves everywhere... and shit everywhere bc i moved my Mouthwash and tooth brush in here bc I was worried liv was rubbing it on the toilet bowl or something after that weird snapple incident.... so my room became more and more cluttered.. obv I had that wire pit under my desk it's still not great but it's better and when I do finally game I'm going to make it look similar to how it was.

But I've had my gym clothes on my original Xbox and my going out clothes I've already worn on my dresser. And the gallon water the one I'm using sits on my other dresser... with my juice.... so it got a little cluttered bc of the gym and Riley. Also with my sponge sits in a cup next to my Xbox bc I don't want my mother fucking using it... that's why i bought my own to wash my own dishes which has helped me work on one of my ocd issues... I just wash my pan and spatula.. but I have no where to put my sponge other than in a cup next to my xbox...

It's not perfect. And I swear once I get my capture card out and hook some shit up it's going to be more messy... but I also found another bin and I'm going to put my gym clothes (since I dont sweat there anymore since I stopped running) and my going out already worn but still clean clothes in the bin next to my Xbox so they aren't spread out all over my room making everything messy..

I also grabbed another bin to put my gloves in. All my vinyl gloves and my hyper tough gloves (minus the poison ivy ones that are stored in my room under a piece of furniture bc I dont know what to do with them.)

The other problem is since Riley got here I've been using my laundry basket that was holding my old glasses I was going to donate. I've been using that as a laundry basket which makes my room look messy... eventually anyways... and I had to move my old glasses to my storage hanger in my closet which is the only shelf I have left unfortunately... but I won't be getting new clothes any time soon bc I'm fucking poor. Eventually I'll donate the glasses and get new shirts and spread it out a little... and if she ever leaves I'm start using the hamper in the bathroom again. I'm afraid she's going to pee on it or something if she breaches my barricade.

I also got to get washable nitrate gloves or rubber gloves so I have gloves i can use around the house.. the hyper tough gloves you can feel moisture through.... I need about two pairs so I can fucking use one for cleaner dirty things and one for super dirty things.. and then I dont need gloves you throw away.. I've went through 300 pairs in less than a month and trust me I try to use them in a efficient way but ocd is hard to live with...

Anyways look at how awesome my room looks in the area I was able to fix up, NO MORE WELCHES JUICE POP BOX AS A FUCKING WIRE BOX 😁

My dresser is a disaster but I'm working on it...

[fantasticcloudcreation]

More rambling hehe slander is on rn and I have a headache and I might be having a heart attack but it's probably just this low simmer panic I've been sitting with all night and there's only an hour left and I'm gonna get thru it

You know what? It's fine. I'm surviving. I'm getting paid to be here and maybe I'll hit overtime this week bc of this shift. Nothing matters, I'm not special or important, I'm just another number on the roster, it's fine. There's only an hour left and then I can go relax at the hotel for an hour and come back in the morning :)

I'm gonna get back on track with food + exercise this week, I'm gonna hang out with L and get as much time with him as I can, I won't be so grumpy because none of this even matters, let it go.

I'm skinny and if I stay on top of my shit this week I'll be 105 or lower whenever I find a scale. I'll get to go home for thanksgiving (cold weather + hug my family) and then I might come back to Miami for the next gig, might not, it doesn't matter either way. (Realistically I probably will and it might suck but it might not suck, who knows.) Next year I'll plan ahead to Not be in Florida for the entire fall + winter seasons :)

Everything is fine. I'm surviving. There are worse jobs lmfao. There are better jobs too! Right now I'm here and it's fine! Most days I love my job and it's unfortunate that this gig hasn't had many of those days but you know what, it's fine, none of it matters!!!

Tomorrow will be a better day. Load out is easy, you just take things apart and put them in boxes. There's so many people on this call, I can fuck around and just pretend it's a workout and talk shit with my coworkers and it's gonna be fine.

My phone hasn't died even though I've been on it for almost 10 hours straight, old phone would've been dead twice by now. Even if I had a book or activity it's too dark down here to see anything, I would've had to sit out in the open somewhere on some random box, this is better. I feel like today's shift has been the equivalent of "a watched pot never boils" except you know what, it does eventually boil, and a 12 hour shift with Zero tasks also eventually ends! It's almost time to start packing my shit up and go sit somewhere visible so bossman can tell me when it's over lol.

Life is funny. I feel like I've gotten over something tonight, not sure what exactly. This music is still getting louder, idk how they do it. I feel like my ears hurt even through the earplugs. But it's fine and I'm feeling better than I did when I got here. I also didn't actually cry the entire time! Almost cried once, had a lot of low level panic energy and a big mope, feeling ok right now (maybe bc it's almost over.) I guess the lesson is, no matter how unpleasant the situation, just make yourself as comfortable as possible and wait it out? Nothing lasts forever.

How silly that people pay thousands of dollars to attend this event and I've just been complaining and resisting the entire thing; I'm being paid to be here and I can't even enjoy it ? / But it's not my vibe and I would've never come here if I didn't have work, and now I know not to work it again next year. It's all fine.

I guess there's something to be said about learning how to surrender and accept whatever unpleasant environment you find yourself in, there's a lot of potential for growth if you can meditate your way through it. The music hasn't been terrible and I might've had a better time on a different day (if I wasn't on the clock and I could've done drugs haha)

But, ayy, 9:56. Bossman said expect to get cut around 10 or 11 so it could be any minute now :) maybe I'll pack up and go sit somewhere with less bass resonance; there's not a lot of good options for seating out there but maybe I'll socialize for the last bit of the night.

Whatever. Nothing matters. The bass vibrations feel kinda cool and at least this guy has variety between his songs. Maybe L will come back soon but I know he wants to see John summit so maybe I'll be driving myself home and he'll find another ride, or maybe he'll try to talk me into going over there with him, or maybe we're actually staying until midnight for some reason, who knows, I don't know shit, I'm tired of all of this, I'm just here and I'm just existing. As soon as I can leave this place, I will be. I'm gonna go check in with bossman and see what the deal is about cut times.