#bc i said i couldn't come to celebrate with the others i felt bad i was maybe even depressed i can't remember

[papercutsmp3]

ignored my father for two years officially (it's his bd today) and well right now i do kinda feel bad and like i could've replied to him but now at this point i just can't stop the ignoring process

[talaok]

At the Met

Pairing: Pedro Pascal x actress! reader

summary: You and Pedro, Hollywood's hottest couple, attend the Met Gala together, but when you find out your ex was invited too, things start going sideways.

warning: angst, jealousy, age-gap

a/n: this was a request by the lovely @vawnila but since I am delusional, I decided to merge it with yesterday's event bc this man...

Pt. 2

[ "And here they come! y/n y/l/n and Pedro Pascal, Hollywood's hottest couple!"

"wow, they look amazing" ]

You'd been to the Met before, and so had Pedro, but going as a couple was something much different, especially with all the talk you two had caused in the last six months. There wasn't a magazine or a blog that wasn't talking about your age gap or the way you'd both robbed millions of women and men of the chance to be with Hollywood's most desired bachelor and bachelorette.

The past few months had been a mess, and still, you didn't think you'd ever had that much fun.

Pedro was everything you had ever wished for in a man. he was kind and sweet and funny, and not any less handsome, he was perfect.

So when he took your hands in his as you walked up the carpet, you couldn't help but smile up at him, just for him to meet your glance with the same adoration.

The carpet was the easy part though, what actually scared you, was the dinner.

Being seated next to a bunch of celebrities you didn't know... that was your personal version of hell, but at least this year Pedro was gonna be next to you.

The first part of the dinner went well, the first moments were awkward as you had expected, but then the woman sitting opposite you broke the ice and everyone seemed to relax.

Pedro sensed your tension at times and tried to soothe you by placing his hand on your thigh, or murmuring something to your ear that most times resembled something like "We're almost done, sweetheart".

It was a good table, don't get me wrong, but there was something about knowing you were being watched and filmed and photographed by the world's most popular celebrities that always prevented you from fully calming down.

You were always on edge, only waiting for something bad to happen, until finally, your fear came to life.

You had excused yourself to go to the bathroom and were finding your way through the maze made of chairs and tables arranged in the room, when you felt a tap on your shoulder.

"Hey baby"

wait a minute,

you knew that voice.

You turned around, "Hi Nathan"

Of course you'd meet your ex here.

"Funny meeting you here" he grinned

"I had no idea you were coming"

"Neither did I about you, darling," he said, his eyes traveling up and down your body, not even pretending to not be checking you out "You're beautiful as ever" he complimented, his fingers tracing the side of your dress, and you just smiled, rolling your eyes playfully "really" he spoke, his voice lower "You're breathtaking, baby"

"thank you" You felt your cheeks get some involuntary color "You're not so bad yourself, you know?"

"why thank you" he joked "I wanted to find someone to have some fun with, but I think I might just have"

"Nathan..."

"What princess?"

You sighed "You can use my name y'know?"

"oh I know" he reassured "I just know how much you like when I call you names" he murmured, getting closer as he moved some hair away from your face "especially on some occasions"

"Nathan what are you d-"

"c'mon y/n you know what you mean to me," he said, his voice already resembling a beg "I'm not asking for anything, I'm just saying you know we could have fun... like the old times"

"Nathan I-"

"y/n I love you" he confessed, not for the first time since the breakup "You know I love you. I love you so much I can't live without you. This past year has been hell, and I know it's been the same for you. I need you y/n, and you need me, baby, we need each other." he spoke seemingly without taking a single breath, and you were frantically looking around you, praying no one was paying you two any mind "and I know you love me back, just admit it, we could start all over again, just forget all about the past" he implored.

"Nathan I have a boyfriend" you spat out

"who, that grandpa?" he mocked "I know you don't love him, he's just a-a phase, you know you should be with me. Deep down you know" 

You hadn't noticed how his hand had made its way to your arm.

"Let's go now, we can take my car and run away baby"

Your mouth gaped open but before you could speak, a barking voice intervened.

"go where?"

Your eyes traveled to your left, and just as you suspected, they met Pedro's.

Nathan, like the coward that he was, swallowed nervously as he looked back at you.

"nowhere," you said "Don't worry babe" you tried being casual, as you took a step toward your boyfriend, feeling grateful for a way out of that situation "Well it was nice seeing you Nathan, but I better go now," you forced a polite smile at him, as you intertwined your arm with your boyfriend's.

"goodbye buddy," Pedro said, in a more than slightly threatening tone.

"c'mon," you urged him, starting to walk away.

"think about what I said" Nathan spoke again, his tone deprived of all bravery all of a sudden.

You didn't even look back, just started to quicken your pace towards the table (Your need to use the bathroom had been long forgotten) when you felt Pedro tightening his arm's grip as he moved you into the trajectory of a private part of the gallery.

You frowned, once he stopped, looking around at the empty room.

"what is it?"

"What is it?" he repeated, clearly incredulous

"What?"

"What did he tell you?"

"Who"

"y/n..."

"Nathan?" you asked "Babe who cares, you know how he is, he's dumb, there's nothing I can do about it"

"tell me what he told you" you could see perfectly through this calm act.

You sighed "he told me he loves me and that I should run away with him"

"that's it?"

"Yes Pedro, that's it"

"What did you say?"

You gasped, offended and slightly annoyed "What do you think I told him, that I loved him back and to wait for me outside?!"

"What did you tell him?"

"Are you fuckin- I told him that I have a boyfriend"

He nodded perhaps satisfied "He was touching you"

"my arm" you reminded him.

"and your cheek" he reminded you too "this is the last time he does this" he decided "I'm gonna go talk to him"

"No, Pedro-" you grabbed his arm "I can deal with this on my own, plus, you're too mad, you can't go now"

"You've already dealt with this on your own, and it doesn't seem like you've made much progress"

You gasped, now actually mad "This is my problem, Pedro, you don't have anything to do with it"

"It's my problem too when it involves you"

"no, it's not."

"y/n I'm trying to help you"

"well I don't want your help, not with this"

"Why? 'cause it sure looks like you need it"

You scowled at him "fuck you"

"It's the truth y/n this guy's been bothering you since before we got together, that's not fucking normal"

"I know it isn't but I'm dealing with it in my own way"

"and I can't try my way?"

"well, I'm sorry if I don't want you to go out there and punch him, Pedro!" 

He paused, clearly as a part of him wanted to reply that he wouldn't have, another part informed him that there was a high probability he would have, in fact, punched the guy.

"y/n-"

"no you know what, I'm tired of this- this thing you do. I don't need to be saved, I can take care of myself"

"I don't doubt that, but I just wanted to help"

"you know you were not gonna help Pedro" You shot him a look "And I'm tired of this- jealousy" you sighed "I love you, Pedro, you know that, but if you don't trust me I don't understand how we could possibly have a relationship"

"I do trust you"

"then I could go out there and talk to Nathan right now?" you challenged "or you fear he might convince me, and I might run away with him?"

His jaw twitched.

"see" you breathed "just as I predicted"

" y/n-"he tried putting his hands on your waist but you stopped him.

"no, Pedro" you took a step back "Just-" you sighed "I need to be alone"

[ "Someone's coming out, it looks like... Pedro Pascal has just left the Gala"

"Where's the missus?"

"I don't see her"

"well you heard it here first folks, It looks like Pedro Pascal has just left the Met Gala with y/n y/l/n nowhere in sight" ]

Pt. 2

[lovingseventeen]

hello,, if i can, may i request jeonghan with reader who likes celebrating others' birthday but not theirs. just because they feel like theirs is not even worth it to be celebrated ; perhaps bcs of low self esteem? like, reader even hope that their birthday doesnt exist

( im sorry if i failed to understand your "do i take requests" on your navigation post, please feel free to decline this ask if anything. but if you do decline it, could you please perhaps randomly send 🩷 emoji so i could know whether my ask is accepted or not?? im sorry 😭 )

jeonghan when you don’t enjoy your own birthday

a/n: hi hi, so sorry this took a bit to come out. i'm not writing requests in chronological order just because some of them are easier to write for some reason ?? but ANYWAYs i hope you enjoy this even if it's a bit late <3

*reader and jeonghan are not explicitly in a relationship, i just thought this could be taken platonically or romantically

✧ was lowkey offended that you didn’t even tell him. he had no idea on the day of because you didn't do anything out of the ordinary, not even a little celebration on your story!

✧ he didn't know because you haven't know each other too long, but still! how could you not tell him!

✧ he also felt awful because you surprised him on his and he was waiting for his chance to do something nice for you

✧ you had casually asked him if it was okay to stop by the hybe building since you were *coincidentally* in the area

✧ when he met up with you on the first floor to go up together, you had greeted him with the brightest smile, a small cake in a box, and a small bouquet

✧ "i thought i'd meet you upstairs! you're ruining the surprise!" you exclaimed as his eyes glanced over everything that you were holding

✧ "y/n.. you didn't have to do all of this.." he said, but he couldn't stop smiling. all of this, for him? he thought

✧ "let me help you carry some of this" he offered, not knowing what else he could do to express his gratitude (this day becomes one of his favorite birthdays)

✧ he had only found out that he missed your birthday when you had to show your ID at a restaurant. he jokingly took it from the waiter to see if you were younger in your photo and if you looked different before

✧ it was all fun and games until he saw your birthday, surprise and disappointment filling him when he realized it was last week

✧ he looked at you sitting across from him as you sipped your drink, unaware of every emotion coursing through him

✧ "your birthday just passed?" he asked, turning to look at you, before looking back down at your ID

✧ "yeah" you replied, a blank look on your face further surprising him. you just reached over to get your card, even if he was still staring at it

✧ "y/n, why didn't you tell me?"

✧ "because it isn't a big deal?" you shrugged, placing your ID back in your wallet

✧ you wondered why he seemed so passionate, meanwhile he wondered how you were being so casual

✧ "of course it's a big deal, i'd want to celebrate you on your day" he looked at you sincerely, you could hear the slight whine in his voice but you could see how serious he was

✧ it was hard to hold eye contact with him. "i um, don't really like celebrating it?" you said softly

✧ "can i ask why?" he continued, his voice gentle as he didn't want to push your boundaries

✧ "i mean, i like celebrating other people, people i love, you know? but it feels weird when it's about me, i don't know.. i don't need to be treated any differently on that specific day"

✧ he nodded, accepting your words even though he felt like he was bubbling with more questions. he still wants to make it up to you in some way

✧ you could tell he was a little off for the rest of your meal, he was sort of stuck in his thoughts. you really didn't want him to do anything but he still felt bad

✧ by the time your bill comes, you plan on splitting it with him when he closes the checkbook with just his card and hands it to the waiter before you could object

✧ "h-hey! you don't have to do that, you know" you called out, "it passed already anyway so you have no excuse"

✧ "who said it was because of that?" he asks coyly, "the last album did well so i want to celebrate that, don't worry"

✧ you rolled your eyes but you couldn't fight him on this one because the waiter already took his card. "just don't do anything else, jeonghan. it's really okay i swear"

✧ "then i won't"

✧ "good" you replied, eyeing his intentions anyway

✧ "good" he copies

✧ the next week, a package comes to your house, a very nice oversized denim jacket, with a card saying: NOT a birthday present, i ordered it for myself but it's too small so you can have it - jeonghannie :)

✧ you shoot him a text telling him not to get you any presents in the future and he only replies with it's not a present because it isn't even wrapped

✧ the jacket is totally your style and not his, so you know he's lying but you also can't be too mad

✧ he never really brings up why you don't like your birthday again. he never tries to organize a gathering or even a planned celebration dinner with you. he doesn't want to ever put you on the spot

✧ he figures if you ever feel more comfortable you'll tell him

✧ in upcoming years, he has his little jeonghan way of being a little kinder to you when it's coming around

✧ on the day, he'll do something for you without admitting it's for your birthday. it's something relaxed and besides, all he wants to do is spend time with you

✧ maybe he "randomly" tells you that he's craving your favorite food and he ordered way too much so you have to help him finish it

✧ or maybe he just so happened to be invited to an idol's concert and he can take you because he has an extra ticket ("you've literally never interacted with them" "yes i did on mnet in 2015" he literally sends a prepared clip)

✧ he always has his little explanation as to exactly why something is not a birthday celebration/present

✧ maybe he won something on going seventeen by cheating and wants to give you the prize because he won't use it

✧ the "non-presents" always come spontaneously so you technically can't say that they have a correlation to the actual day

✧ "i accidentally ordered the wrong shoe size" - it's literally a shoe you mentioned 5 months ago

✧ "they let us keep the accessories we wore on stage" - no they don't

✧ "i'm an ambassador for that brand anyway so i always have free stuff from them" - he would have had to post a thank you to that brand on his story

✧ but in the end, he just wants you to know he cares for you and wants to thank you, regardless of what day of the year it is

[princesssmars]

Hiiii! If you don’t mind could you please do a Sam carpenter x fem/gn!reader, where the reader is just like completely overstimulated and someone from the friend group does something that just makes the reader like get super upset and makes them walk away and sam is kinda confused and goes to asks the reader and comforts them and stuff? If not then that’s okay!

trust me

a sam carpenter x reader

wc : 1533

cw : fluff. angst. reader is stressed. conflict caused by mindy but its justified so don't think i don't love her! italic bit thats readers thoughts. ethan slander fuck that little worm. (f/t) means fave takeout!

an : couldnt think of a title nahh 💀but thank you for the request im happy to do it! i hope you like this even if it might be a bit rushed bc i wanna help add to the sam tag since im obsessed with her rn.

when you first moved to new york city it was a whirlwind. new people, new things to see, great food. granted when you got off of your first subway ride a rat tried to fight you over the grinder you had in your hand, but you still loved it.

but of course, everything didn't stay sunshine and rainbows for long. the big apple was expensive, and finding a job that fit your schedule and was able to pay your side of the rent was tough. but you managed. kind of.

your roommate and close friend convinced you to see a therapist she had heard about from a friend, and you decided it couldn't hurt to try. the guy was helpful if a bit annoying, but it was worth it when you saw her coming out of her session. now NYC was filled with a plethora of hot people, but you swear when she made eye contact with you and gave you a polite smile you felt your brain melting.

you saw her a few more times before you introduced yourself. she seemed wary but told you about herself as well, telling you her name was sam and that she had moved to new york not long ago as well with her sister for college. she seemed nervous, but you were a stranger so you chalked it off as anxiety.

you asked her for her number and did a small mental celebration when she said yes, deciding to text her the next afternoon to not seem too desperate.

luckily your efforts paid off! she was a bit distant the first few times you talked, but after inviting her out for lunch at some new restaurant in brooklyn she warmed up to you quickly, even enough to introduce you to her sister and her friends.

it was only after a few weeks of knowing her that you found out what happened in woodsboro. you had an inkling that something bad had happened, the way sam was hesitant with phsyical affection, the caution they all took when locking their doors and carrying mace and tasers with them to get groceries. when sam had let you in to what happened with ghostface - her ex - and how he had almost killed all of them. you had let her know it didn't make tou think of her any differently, that you still cared about her and her past wouldn't change that. that moment had led to the first kiss between the two of you.

and you had meant what you said to sam, that you would stick beside her no matter what. but it still took a toll on you, that danger was following you and the people you had grown to care about no magter what.

the one thing you didn't expect was for them to expect the danger could be you.

it was supposed to be a normal friday night at sam's apartment, spent talking to each other and her friends and maybe watching a movie with some takeout after her appointment. nice and simple.

the door opens and you turn to see if it's sam, smiling when tara, chad, mindy and anika walked through the door. chad's roommate. ethan, wasn't with them this time and you let out a small sigh of relief. he seemed nerdy enough

"hey guys, everything alright?" you asked the group, noticing the down and wary looks on their faces. tara mumbled something before quickly walking into her room, chad hot on her heels. anika rested on the couch next to yours with a sigh, mindy sitting next to her and farther away from you. a bit odd, but you chalked it up to all of them being tired from school.

"something happened over at fordham. some girl from blackmore was found almost butchered in an alley." anika wrings hers hands together, a nervous habit she told you she picked up as a kid.

"jesus christ, do they have any clue who might have done it?" you ask.

"oh please, how many freaks do you you think like to nearly carve out peoples chest?" mindy scoffed, busying herself with something on her phone.

"you don't think it's ghostface, do you?" your voice was wavering against your will. after sam had told you what happened you did some digging into the masked killer, and its safe to say you were on edge until it eventually showed its face again.

she shrugged. "we all knew they were gonna find us again eventually. nows just a matter of determining who it is." she looked at you, and you felt the strain behind your eyes at how far they widened.

"i hope you're not saying what i think you're saying..."

"dont take it too personally, y/n. she accused me and ethan too." anika waved your worries off, and even though her normally peaceful personality would calm anyone down, it wasn't really working right now.

"i'm just saying, you're also new to the friend group, coincidentally moved here a while before us and had the same therapist as sam? and then started dating her? it's suspicious." mindy lists off the reasons she suspects you, and with each item you feel your chest tighten.

is this really what they think of me? a threat? does sam think of me like this? does she not trust me? does she not love me?

you don't register the sound of mindy's voice or the sound of the front door opening before you hurry from the couch to the bedroom near the back of the apartment - sam's room.

you sit on the edge of the bed and put your head in your hands, trying to calm the racing negative thoughts in your head. it feels like hours when its probably been a few minutes of you failing to calm yourself down when the door opens slowly and a weight sits down on the bed next to you.

"is it ok if i touch you?" sam ask from next to you, making sure to keep a good distance so as not to overwhelm you. when you nod and whisper out a yes she moves to sit behind your body, wrapping her arms around you and allowing you to fall back and rest on her chest.

"do you wanna tell me what's going on? it's alright if you dont, i'll still be right here."

her soft tone makes you squint your eyes hard, scared that she's trying to get you to let your guard down. but there's a little voice in your head that trusts her more than anything. that desperately wants to let her in. so you do.

"it's just...mindy was talking about ghostface and she was questioning me. i know that you've all been through so much but...if they can't, if you don't trust me then i don't know what i would do."

sam doesn't interrupt while you speak, fully paying attention to your words as you let her know what's bothering you. you're just about to walk back your statement because of her silence when she softly turns your body to sit sideways in her lap, bringing her hand up to cup your face and turn it so you can't look anywhere but her eyes.

"hey, i want you to listen to me, ok? you know mindy. she's just looking out for us, she didn't mean to antagonize you im sure of it. if anything i'm pretty sure if ghostface comes back she's more likely to suspect ethan right away, the kid weirds her out," she says, unable to help herself from smiling when you giggle at her words.

"but more importantly you know me. you know i'd never have anyone around me, my sister or our friends if i didn't trust them, yeah? i trust you and i love you, more than anything."

you cant help but tear up and smile at her words. sam wasn't one for frequent words of affection, so you knew when she said something she meant it. she lets out a small grunt when you throw yourself into a hug in her arms, tackling the both of you onto the bed in a heap of giggles. you spend the next few minutes laughing and sharing small i love you's and sweet kisses.

after you've both calmed down sam asks if you're ready to head into the living room, squeezing your hand when you give a strained little nod. walking together back to the living room, your face lights up at the smell of your favorite takeout, rushing to the couch to see everyone munching down on some food.

mindy turns her head around to see you and purses her lips awkwardly. "uh, i was hungry so i ordered some (f/t). there's enough for the both of you."

"she's trying to apologize for calling you ghostface." tara butts in while taking another bite of her food, ignoring when mindy slaps her on the leg.

"aww, it's alright cheeks. i understand." you tease the brunette with the silly nickname you gave her a few weeks ago, reaching over to squish her cheeks together like a kid. she sticks her tounge out at you but doesn't move to stop you, figuring she'll let you have this.

"yeah yeah whatever, sit down and eat your food."

you sit on sams' lap on the squished couch, ignoring the kissing noises and fake gagging sounds of your friends. in this moment, nothing anyone says can get to you.

.

.

.

i believe in the lost art of ending the fic with a cheesy bit. happy pride gaybos.

[psychicreadsgirl]

hi！ beenzino and stefanie marriage reading，please， and thank you！

I do feel they both care and love each other, but I do sense that Beenzino at this time loves Stefanie more. Sometimes his love for her can be too overbearing and possessive. Beenzino gets easily jealous, despite his "cool" or nonchalant attitude. He's actually quite sensitive towards others' feelings and can sometimes read too much into things. He tries to act like he's totally all right with Stefanie hanging out with certain people or just doing her own things, but in reality, he isn't. I do see him trying to give her space and distance because Stefanie values her freedom and independence a lot.

The way he wants to receive love versus the way she gives love/care is very different. Stefanie is very much the sort that is more nonchalant and in some ways ignorant of others' feelings. She can often say things without thinking and come off as rather ignorant or rather offensive. She thinks she's just being truthful though. She also isn't really the sort to be always clinging by Beenzino. She doesn't need that much constant attention from a partner. She doesn't see love as everything in her life and certainly doesn't want to always be known as Beenzino's wife.

I do feel that she feels a bit caged in this marriage. Career wise I sense she feels a bit stunted because a lot of times people are just curious about her and Beenzino and their relationship, not really are interested in what she really has to offer. She doesn't want to have to rely on her marriage as the highlight of her career, yet she knows that that would likely give her some success. I do feel like over time Beenzino seems to be more and more possessive, jealous, and controlling. I think some parts of it comes down to insecurity and some of it is because like I said Beenzino isn't getting the type of love he wants. Beenzino is the clingy type and requires a ton of attention and showering of love through affection or praise. While Stefanie is affectionate physically, she's not really the type to constantly praise nor is she type to cling onto her spouse. She needs much less umm time spent together than him.

Also during the period where the two had to be away from each other (I think bc he was in military?), Beenzino got more anxious and scared of losing her. I think he felt like she would cheat on him or dump him because she couldn't wait for him. Beenzino also had some picked up some signals/messages from her or from mutual friends about Stefanie that made him feel that she was moving on from him.

I do see that they have some chances of divorcing later on if Beenzino keeps being insecure and keeps being possessive/controlling. His need to control her will likely become greater over the years. If he restricts who Stefanie sees/hangs out with, then Stefanie will be very upset and bothered. I also do see that there are some cultural differences between them that are kind of hard to resolve and some family matters like differences in thinking/ways of doing things. I don't get the sense that Beenzino's family is very fond of Stefanie; they find her ok but they feel like he could do better and is suited for someone else. Stefanie's a bit too wild in their eyes.

I just get the sense from Stefanie that she feels Beenzino has changed and is becoming way too controlling like what happened to the man she fell for? She wants to do a lot of things but then Beenzino will tell her she can't do that or if she does, it won't be successful etc. Sort of put her down in a way and not be supportive? Restrict her... I think she does feel in a way caged and really doesn't like that. She's also very close to a few guy friends and she doesn't think there's any romance between her and them, but Beenzino questions that. He feels like those guy friends want to sleep with Stefanie. Again, Beezino really dislikes some of Stefanie's friends who happen to be celebrities. He thinks they are very cringey and are a bad influence on her and will bring her trouble.

[comphet-critical]

What if i had sex with like four guys (only piv with one, but gave oral/handjobs or tried to with the others (i'm bad at it lmaoo)) but was drunk?? I mean, i wanted it to happen, and i remember even feeling dissapointed when they didn't have condoms with them so we couldn't do piv, but maybe it was just bc i was drunk and wasn't fully realizing what was going to happen?? As you can imagine, all four guys were strangers i met at the pub. Next day i didn't feel repulsed but i certainly didn't wanna know anything about these guys and even felt anxious when one of them kept on texting me (i had to block him)

Also, i had sex with one guy who i met on tinder (it was on our third date, and we had been talking for two months i think) back in march/april of last year, being fully sober and while it wasn't really pleasent bc he was too big for me and i was kind of awkward i didn't feel repulsed but when it ended and we went to sleep i felt super anxious about it bc i didn't really enjoy it either and couldn't really sleep :/

i went home the next day and we even had a fourth date and had a good time hanging out but i remember him implying that we could go to his home to hook up again and i excused myself saying that it was a really nice day outside and that we should enjoy it. Eventually, we kind of planed a 5th date in his house to watch a sport that we both liked but i felt anxious about it (bc i knew that he would try to have sex again) and i declined and eventually we stopped talking.

Apart from all of this, i think i've had crushes on boys/men, but i'm not really sure anymore, and i think that sometimes it was more wistful thinking or even admiration in the case of the celebrity ones??? But from time to time i find a guy attractive (mostly when i'm kind of buzzed but not always) and i don't know what to believe because granted my experiences i don't know if i would enjoy being sexual with him or not.

Like, last time, i was hanging with two of my friends and some friends of them and while we were drinking at my friend's house, one of them caught my eye and i kind of felt attracted to him and this only intessified when we went to the club and i tried to dance with him (and got succesful lol). I remember feeling jealous when he would dance with the other two girls in our group and happy when he started to dance with me. Also, i felt warm and comfortable with him touching me and i felt like i was into it. At some point i tried to make out with him but he let me know that he wasn't interested and just liked dancing with girls because of the sensuality or whatever (also i think he told me he was gay but then told another girl he had a girlfriend so to this day i don't know lmaoo) and so nothing happened and eventually we went home and i was very embarrassed the next day bc i probs made him uncomfortable. Also, when we were saying our goodbyes i told our mutual friend that i wanted her to let me know when he was coming on our next night out and apparently i was very insistent over it.

Aaaaaaand i could give other examples of my experiences with men, but i'm already sorry i made you read this. But basically there's been men in which i have had some interest/crush but i could never really test it because i never tried or because they weren't interested. On the other hand, because of this sometimes i've settled for guys that wanted me and entertained them for the night, a few days (twice at a summer camp lmao), and with the tinder guy i guess for a month, before i got tired/anxious (the ones i made out while on a night out were more or less fun, mostly initiated by them. The only time i really initiated and felt like i wanted to know about the guy the next day i forgot to get his number and our mutual friend said he wasn't attending classes anymore lmao).

And lastly (bestie i swear i'm sorry for putting you through this) i kinda had two boyfriends when i was like 8 and 12 (so not really bf but you get it) and the first one didn't really like me and when he told me i remember crying and feeling upset about it and the other one apparenlty didn't like me either (we actually dated for like 3 months even if we didn't see each other that much but we kissed and i didn't feel repulsed nor anxious, which it's interesting i guess, but also it didn't feel special, just fine i guess) and lets say i was dramatic and made a scene in front of mutual friends and people made fun of me for several years which affected me and made me really insecure (among other things but whatever).

Sooo, i know you are not a psychologist (i should talk to this to a therapist, i know) but what do you think about my experiences?? I know i'm attracted to girls but figuring out how i feel about boys is so difficult and makes me stressed and sometimes i think it even consumes me?? Almost as it was a puzzle and i needed to me make sense of all the pieces and i can't rest till i figure it out. Btw, i'm a 23 y/o and at some point i thought of my self as a lesbian due to some of these expierences but then i've met a guy that caught my eye or that i kind of felt attracted to (like the one i danced with) and i don't know what to think. Anyway, sorry for all of this, in a way i just needed to vent because it's all to much.

you’re bisexual

[kitashousewife]

i wish i knew you wanted me

an: i've been swimming around with this idea for a while! this is loosely based on the song bad habit by steve lacy :D

pairings: timeskip!kuroo x fem!reader

warnings: childhood neighbor!reader, kuroo is down horrendous, food mentions, reader has a shitty bf (neglectful, unkind to reader) anxiety mentions, slight angst, fluffy ending, lots of fluff bc kuroo is a sweetie, lowercase intentional

word count: 3k

-

you've always loved kuroo. ever since you were 8, in fact. kuroo loves you too, but just a little differently.

that's because he is in love with you.

you'll never forget the day you met him. carrying your small backpack up the steps of your new home, a ball rolled in front of your feet.

"sorry! did i trip ya?" a rooster-haired boy stumbled over and grabbed the ball. he took your hand in his and introduced you to his friend kenma. before you had a chance to talk to them, you were whisked away by your parents.

every day of your childhood was spent with them, in some way or another. waiting for the bus together, playing on the sidewalk after school, even the occasional sleep over on the weekends. kenma and kuroo are the best friends anyone could ask for.

kuroo thinks he started to love you when you were 10 years old. one day, as the three of you stepped off the school bus, you tripped and scraped your knee. the worry he felt for you was strong, and hated seeing you in pain. ever since that day, kuroo has tried his best to keep you happy and smiling.

he started by giving you little gifts. a bouquet of dandelions from recess, that you carefully brought all the way home and placed in a jar. he gave you tons of rocks he found over the years, even giving you his favorite snacks to share.

you think you started to love kuroo when you were 12 years old. you were in middle school, walking down the street with kuroo and kenma, talking about an upcoming volleyball match that they had. a boy from school passed by and tripped you, calling you names and laughing as he walked away. you blinked tears back, assuring kenma and kuroo that you were fine, it was no big deal. without second thought, kuroo turned around and pushed the other boy, which started a fight that you and kenma had to separate. kuroo got a black eye, but he never complained.

kuroo fell in love with you when the three of you were first years in high school. one day, when he got home from a run, he saw you sitting on your front steps reading a book. you looked perfect. eyes focused on the pages in front of you, almost glowing in the afternoon sun. once he got closer, he realized you were reading his favorite book.

"good book?"

you peak over the top of the pages and smile. "so far, yes."

"what gave you the idea to read that one?"

a blush coats your cheeks and you return to reading.

"i just had a good recommendation."

kuroo spent the next two days speed reading the novel so that by the time you finished, he could ask you all about it. two weeks after that day, though, he realized that you didn't read it for him.

the last day of your first year, kenma and kuroo had been looking everywhere for you. you had plans to walk home together, and do your annual all-nighter to celebrate the end of another year.

"i haven't seen her all day," kenma mumbles, eyes trained on the game in his hands.

"me neither, but she couldn't have forgotten. we do this every year," kuroo's words trail off as you come around the corner, hand in hand with one of the most popular boys in your school. his heart drops, his stomach flips and twists. as soon as you reach his gaze, you feel the exact same way.

the entire night, in the glow of kenma's video games, kuroo seethed. there were so many chances, so many opportunities for him to have said something, made any kind of move. and now it doesn't matter. that night, he decided that he was going to put all of his focus on volleyball and studies. but still, he never stopped being your friend. he would never admit it, but every new years, every time he saw a shooting star, and every single other time he was given the opportunity to make a wish, he would wish for you.

high school flew by, as did college. the three of you stayed in close contact, calling every week, visiting each other every chance you all in town during your college years. you even went on a trip with kenma for a couple days for one of the events he was invited to. you remember that entire trip, all you wanted was for kuroo to be with you. that was the first sign that you were ready to leave your high school boyfriend.

the two of you had been together for five years now. things were great at first, as they always are. flowers, special dates, notes passed through classes, stolen kisses in crowded hallways. but, as soon as the honeymoon phase was over, you began to see who he really was. a man who put everything else first, keeping you to the side until he really needed you.

and you've had enough.

one night, after a particularly long shift, you had sat down in the kitchen to enjoy some takeout before your weekly facetime with your two best friends. right before the call starts, your boyfriend walks in.

"you're still talking to them?"

you tilt your head to the side. "what do you mean? they're my best friends, you know that."

he scoffs. "don't you think that it's time to grow up? you know, make some new friends?"

you feel your palms start to sweat, and anger starts to fill in your chest. "why would you even suggest that?"

he shoots you an annoyed look. "don't get all defensive, alright? i just think it might be time to move on from that twitch streamer and whatever his name is."

an incoming call appears on the screen from kenma, which you accept immediately. forgetting to mute yourself, you turn to your boyfriend one last time. "his name is kuroo, and maybe it's best if you just go home for the night."

he rolls his eyes. "whatever,"

as if it was on purpose, directly behind your boyfriend is a photo of you and kuroo at graduation. wide smiles, bright eyes, full of excitement for the future. when you look at the photo, you realize you haven't smiled that genuinely in months.

you want to be happy again.

"actually, i think it's best if we break up."

kenma sits on the other end of the call, jaw dropped while he watches the entire scene unfold. he knows you probably meant to mute yourself, but he doesn't have the heart to tell you. kenma has hated your boyfriend for years, truth be told. kenma also knows that his best friend is deeply in love with you.

that same friend should be hopping on the call any second now.

kenma watches your boyfriend stutter, mumble something under his breath that the mic couldn't quite pick up, and hears your apartment door slam shut. you let out a deep breath and grab your phone once more, letting a small gasp when you realize that you are in fact, not muted.

"k-kenma!" you cheer, voice shaking slightly. you wince. "d-did, did you hear that?"

he nods, pretending to be focused on his game. "yeah, i heard."

you groan and put your head down on your kitchen table. "please don't tell anyone."

he hums. "i won-"

"not kuroo, either."

he looks at the screen and nods. "i wouldn't. i promise."

feeling a little relief, you rub your eyes before picking up the phone again. "hey, kenma? i think i'm going to just head to bed. i'm really sorry. i'll call again in a few days, yeah?"

kenma nods once more and gives you a small smile. "you text me whenever you need to."

as soon as your face disappears from the screen, kuroo's appears. kenma chuckles, which earns a confused face from his best friend.

"what's that for?"

"she just left. she wasn't feeling to well, but said she would give us a call a different day."

kuroo was dying to see you, to see your face. he loved his job, it's a dream, but lately he is feeling stuck. he was really looking forward to this week's call. he knew your voice and pretty laugh could give him the boost he needed to keep going.

sensing kuroo's disappointment, kenma sends him an invite for the match he's about to begin. "wanna hop on?"

kuroo looks at the same photo you have from graduation, placed on top of his dresser, and lets out a sigh.

"yeah, why not."

-

it's been over a week since the call. you haven't talked to your now ex-boyfriend since that night either, or anyone for that matter. you've felt down, not because you miss your ex, but because you just feel alone.

kenma notices this.

hey, you doing okay?

you feel a little better after seeing kenma's name.

i'm okay. i miss you guys

kenma debates even saying this, but decides he can't take it anymore.

kuroo misses you. he's been asking about you for a week now.

your heart skips a beat at his name. you've been avoiding him, not because you don't want to see him, but because you can't stop thinking about him. you wouldn't admit it to anyone, but you couldn't help but think about how kuroo would treat you. he wouldn't scoff at you when you're having a good time. he wouldn't blow you off, night after night, just to hang out with his friends.

the buzz of your phone brings you out of your thoughts.

it's really annoying. you better message him before i drive him to your apartment.

you smile for the first time in days.

fine. anything for you

-

kuroo walks out of his last meeting of the day, exhausted and ready to go home. unfortunately, he still has two hours to go before he is free for the weekend. pulling his phone out of his pocket, he is surprised to see text notifications. he checks the text from kenma first.

you're welcome.

his face twists with confusion, but before he can respond, he sees your name in his notifications as well.

hi tetsu! i miss you

when can i see you again?

his heart stops. he feels like he could faint.

tonight. come over, ill be home by 6

he doesn't have time to worry if that text was too forward, not when his head is filled with thoughts of you. hugging you, seeing you, watching the way your nose scrunches at the nicknames he gives you.

-

your feet shuffle up to kuroo’s door, right at 6. you walk a little slower as anxious thoughts fill your mind. am i too early? is he just seeing me because he feels bad? what if it’s awkward, i haven’t seen him in-

“you’re here! come in!” kuroo exclaims, pulling you in by the grasp of his hand. as soon as you step into his apartment, he wraps his arms around you and spins you around, filling the room with your laughter.

“tetsuro! put me down!” you laugh, hands gripping the white dress shirt he still has on. setting you down with a chuckle of his own, you look him in the eyes for the first time in weeks.

you forget how to breathe.

somehow, he looks older. his hair is still a little unruly, but much better maintained than before. his eyes are full of love. you pout a little when you see how tired he looks.

“tetsu’, you look tired,” you sigh, looking at the dark circles sitting directly under his eyes.

he offers you a small smile. “works been kicking my ass, that’s for sure. but,” he sing songs, grabbing two cups for tea. “i feel much better after seeing you.”

what would normally be a friendly comment between the two of you, now causes your cheeks to heat up slightly. “how have you been, besides work?”

his fingers tap against the counter tops. a habit he picked up as a child that has stuck with him to this day. “besides work, i can’t complain,” he lies. “how about you?” he almost didn’t want to ask. his promise to himself to make you smile and protect you from hurt as a child is still true to this day.

“works been okay, it hasn’t been too busy,” your tone sounds convincing, but he can tell in your eyes there’s more to say. “i also, well, how do i put this,”

“is everything oka-“

“we broke up.”

kuroo’s jaw drops. “what!” he almost shouts, but when he notices how startled you are, he clears his throat. “i’m sorry, u-um, let me get you some tea,”

the two of you sit in silence for a few moments while kuroo pours tea in each of your mugs. he doesn’t want to rush you, by any means, but he can tell you’re hurting.

“you don’t have to talk about it, you know.”

you sigh. “but i need to. i’ve been keeping it to myself for a week now, and i know it’s not healthy to-“ you pause your rambling and look at kuroo. his eyes are swimming with concern and love. he hasn’t stopped looking at you since you walked in, giving you his full attention. “i just decided it would be better if we separated.”

kuroo nods. inside, he is a nervous wreck. it’s been years since high school, yet he still can’t get himself to make any type of move. every time his mouth opens, he shuts it quickly, swallowing back the words.

he scratches the back of his head with a sigh of your name. "you can talk about it whenever you're ready. no rush," he smiles at you and nudges your mug with his. picking it up in both hands, you smile but set it down. kuroo raises an eyebrow.

"do you remember the night after graduation?"

he nods. of course he does. that's the night the two of you stayed up til 3, talking about the future, about college, your fears, and excitements. the two of you laughed until you cried, nearly falling asleep on his bedroom floor with tears in your eyes.

"why do you ask?"

a small smile forms on your face, but kuroo can tell there's some sadness behind it. "i think that was the last time i was truly happy."

he stands up and comes by your side, hugging you while you sit down. he doesn't say anything, but you don't need him to.

kuroo decides this is his chance. he takes a few steps towards his living room and loosens his tie.

"do you remember the work party i took you to last month?"

with a roll of your eyes, you stand up and walk over to his place on the couch. flopping down next to him, you begin to laugh.

"oh my god, of course i do. how could i forget tripping in front of your colleagues and spilling a drink all over myself and your boss?"

kuroo can't help but laugh. it was a sad sight, watching you trip over your own feet, spilling your drink and his all over his boss who happened to be right in your path.

"why would you bring that up!" you playfully slap his arms. raising his hands to protect himself, he takes a deep breath.

"you looked absolutely stunning that night."

your laugh trails off and you feel your heart beating quicker and quicker by the second.

"thank you, tetsuro," you mumble.

"you've always been so beautiful," he whispers and places his warm hand over your own. he almost pulls away, worried that he's scared you. shoving down the fear that bubbles in his stomach, kuroo grabs both of your hands in his.

"i'm in love with you."

you open your mouth to say anything, tell him anything that you can to let him know you feel the same way, but words don't come out.

"since we were 15, i-i just have always loved you, and i just needed to finally tell you." his eyes examine your face, trying to read any emotions that cross it. he's already in deep, so he might as well keep going.

"i remember when you started dating him, god, i was so angry. at myself. i let you get away. and it killed me to see you so upset and hurt. every call we had, i could see it in your eyes. and i just love you so much, i can't-"

"i love you too," you whisper, placing your hand on his cheek. the tip of your finger rests over his pulse, and you feel terrible at how quick it's beating.

"w-what?"

"i love you too. i have for a long time, i just-" you stop, and shake your head. "do you want to go out sometime? just you and i, maybe we coul-"

kuroo cuts you off by placing his lips on yours. his lips are soft, pulling away to linger right above yours. you close the gap again, pulling him closer and wrapping your arms around his neck. he only pulls away when he absolutely has to, taking a deep breath. he can't help the giddy smile that appears.

"i don't want to be that guy," he laughs. "but i've literally been waiting years to do that."

leaning into his warm body, kuroo holds you tight. suddenly he sits up, reaching into his back pocket for something. grabbing his phone you see him giggling to himself.

"thinking about the company dinner again?"

"no, no. this is much better. just a sec,"

kuroo snaps a quick photo of the two of you, arm wrapped around you, fingers intertwined. he giggles again and hits send. as soon as he sees delivered, he locks his phone and gives you a kiss on the cheek.

a text to kenma has been sent.

Attachment: 1 image

remember that bet we made when we were 16? i'll take my money now.

[littlemisslipbalm]

A Cool Christmas

Josh Kiszka x fem!reader

ugh crying at this gif, its literally so fucking perfect :')

Summary: She's neighbors with the Kiszkas and their families are close family friends, spending the whole holiday season together is the norm. When she comes home for the holidays for the first time in two years, she's confronted with the boys who used to annoy her to no end.

A little bit of a enemies to lovers moment, but I couldn't make them too mean bc Josh is just a love bug! Happy Christmas to those who celebrate!! I hope you have a wonderful time no matter what your situation is.

Warnings: kissing, being mean to each other, enemies to lovers as previously stated, idk its pretty tame I just wanted to finish on Christmas Eve lol, also the smallest bit of Jake is in there - like as a possible romantic partner

Word Count: 11.6k I believe :)

The drive to Frankenmuth from the Detroit airport was a journey she knew well, even if she wish she didn’t. She blasted TV Girl and Phoebe Bridgers through the rental car’s stereo as she looked out at the snowy landscapes racing past her eyes. Her brain was pushing her to turn the car around on the two lane highway. It’d be so easy, she reasoned, she could make a lie about how she actually didn’t make her flight. They said there was a storm coming in and who’s to argue that she didn’t feel safe even if they weren’t grounding flights yet after missing the first. She could get a room in Detroit and just…spend the holidays alone.

No, she shook her head to herself as she watched the pavement continue to disappear beneath the car. She had to go home. It wouldn’t even be that bad. Sure, she hadn’t been home and seen any of her family for two years and, yes, she saw the temperature outside the car and thought she might die, but she could do it. Surely her mom still had her winter clothes tucked away somewhere for her to pull out and use. There was simply no need for anything she had worn during winter times in Michigan to accompany her California. Living there for the last six years had allowed her to grow accustomed to the climate so much so that she feared going back to Michigan every holiday season and with the last two year break, the fear had come back all the stronger.

Still, as Frankenmuth began to actually show up on the highway signs and as the number of miles beside the name began to dwindle, she bobbed her head to the music and sang along to the music, screaming along to parts that were particularly important to her. While fear and worry were two of the strongest feelings she felt about this return home, she’d be lying if she said she wasn’t a little excited to see her siblings who also lived in different corners of the country and even world, in her brother’s case. Family was one thing that she knew she could handle even if they gave her plenty of headaches all on their own, but another thing was the nagging knowledge in her brain of something she was trying to push off.

The fact that her mother and father were best friends with their next door neighbors and Christmas Eve and many other festivities were tied together with their family. She would be subjected to sharing her time with her family with the neighbors as well, which was something she was far less excited for. Not that the Kiszkas weren’t lovely, well at least Karen and her husband were lovely, and she had no problem with Veronica, but the Kiszka boys… She had been in Josh and Jake’s class growing up and between that and being their neighbor, she knew them all too well. Now with their band having become rather famous, she always hoped they were more tolerable, but based on her last encounter she felt like they might be annoying and terrible in new ways.

Just as the town approached, the thoughts kept creeping in. Admittedly, she had listened to their music and had enjoyed it. She, too, was an appreciator of music, but adamantly refused to converse with them about it when they were all growing up. Her mom continuously pushed her to talk with them about the Beatles, who were her first true love, and the other musicians her mom knew they all liked but Y/N refused every time after the first time she took her mom’s advice. When she had been seven and she asked the twins their favorite Beatles song, Josh had told her that they weren’t all that good and she had turned on her heel and walked back into her house. From that day on, she refused to talk to them about music, even their little brother Sam since she felt like he was basically a third version of the twins.

Still, they were good musicians, she was a big enough person to admit that, but she never offered anything more than that if Greta Van Fleet was mentioned around her and certainly not any information about them if someone figured out she was from the same town as them. God forbid they know she actually was neighbors with them and she guessed the correct term was ‘close family friends’. It was almost nightmarish to think that there were pictures out on the internet of them when they were young that fangirls circulated and possibly speculated about who the random girl was beside them. It made her cringe just to think about, but still, the thoughts plagued her as her stomach flipped at seeing them all as she knew she inevitably would. As much as she hated it to admit it, they were some of the people who have been in her life the longest outside of her family. She wasn’t close with them if that wasn’t already abundantly clear, but she also hadn’t stayed in touch with anyone else from Frankenmuth after leaving for college either. And the friends she had made in California were mostly from after college, except her best friend from first year, meaning it was only a six year friendship. The Kiszkas had known her whole life and she was a significant part of their growing up in their eyes. It was a bond that she wouldn’t acknowledge, but it was undeniably there.

The last time she had seen them, Christmas two years ago, had been the usual besides the fact that they had really settled into being rockstars or famous or whatever they liked to call it, what had they said as she’d rolled her eyes? Successful. Right. So that was the first holiday season that they had been comfortable saying they were successful and they had just finished all of the intense touring they had been doing. So they of course were the talk of the town and dining table discussions for the entirety of the three weeks she had been home. What was next for the band? When was the next album coming? Shit like that and she had just been there, trying to have a nice time with her family when she wasn’t subjected to her mother telling her to be nicer to the boys. She had easily responded that they probably didn’t need one more person being fake nice to them and her mother had glared at her and began to lecture her about the holiday spirit and friendship and a lot of other things that she drowned out as she helped herself to another glass of wine.

Two years later and they were arguably more famous than before, somehow. The pandemic had really seen a lot more people get into music which she wasn’t upset about, but she guessed it was also the reason why a lot more people were head over heels in love with Greta Van Fleet, making her life harder somehow. More people inquiring about Michigan whenever it came up that it was her home state. More dodging questions about them if someone realized she was from the same town. More expensive tickets into Flint and Detroit (this likely wasn’t because of them, but she really really thought it was). And more people visiting Frankenmuth which meant there was more traffic on this road than ever before, specifically just as she was driving in.

So it was just the anxiety of seeing her family, the cold temperatures, and the Kiszkas making her want to turn around and go back the way she came from. Barely anything. She could do this. Christmas with the fam…and the entire Kiszka family…and the cold ass Michigan winter. She turned the music a little louder in an attempt to drown out her thoughts. Yearning for a nonexistent lover was far better than worrying about real life that was only five miles away now.

At her parents’ house, she’s greeted with hugs and jests about how cold she must be. She grinned genuinely at her parents and inquired about when her brother would arrive. Her sister and her husband sat in the living room when she dragged her backpack and small suitcase through the area to get to her bedroom. They laughed at her as well, seeing the grimace on her face when they asked about the drive from the airport and what she thought of the weather compared to California. They lived in Alaska, so this wasn’t anything for them anymore. She only rolled her eyes and huffed into her room.

Thankfully, there, her mother had laid out exactly what she had been hopeful for. Her Michigan winter clothes. Wool longjohns, a big puffer jacket, some waffle long sleeves she had cheesily cropped when she was a teenager, a thick pair of black overalls, and some University of Michigan and old Christmas sweatshirts. Her mother was one of her favorite people in the world, even if she could also piss her off to no end.

Before returning outside for her purse that she accidentally left in the car, she changes into the longjohns, one of the waffle long sleeves, and a navy Michigan hoodie. Not too much, considering she was only going to be out there for mere moments.

“I see you’re back, too,” A low voice calls as she reaches across the seats to grab her purse in the passenger’s seat.

Her eyes close at the sound as she grasps the strap of the bag in her hand, her body splayed over the seats and she thinks about the view this person must have of her in this moment – her ass and legs mainly, covered in her black longjohns and some fuzzy slippers she’d slipped on. She takes a deep breath before returning to a standing position and swiveling around while closing the car door.

Jake Kiszka stares at her, unabashedly letting his gaze travel from her legs up to her face, a quick flicker down again before meeting her eyes. He’s standing next to his family’s car in their driveway next to hers, holding two grocery bags and with his usual smug expression on his features.

She offers a grimace back that she doesn’t try to make any more pleasant and a half-hearted wave with her free hand, which only makes Jake’s smirk grow wider. His hair is longer than it was last time she saw him and it looks quite clean splayed around the shoulders of his navy wool peacoat, which looked terribly expensive.

“Had to come back at some point,” She finally says with a shrug, beginning to walk towards the front door of her house, locking the car behind her.

He looks a little perplexed as she clearly walks away from their conversation and begins to walk to his front door as well. “Nice sweatshirt,” He calls before she disappears inside with finality, no interest in speaking with him obvious when she doesn’t even shoot him a glance as she closes the door.

He shakes his head, a smile still on his face as he enters his own house and calls for Josh to help with unpacking the groceries.

“You’ll never believe who I just saw in the driveway,” He says slowly, taking out the egg carton carefully.

Josh opens the fridge and looks over his shoulder with his eyebrows raised, silently telling Jake to continue, surprisingly no guess at his lips.

“C’mon, guess,” Jake insists in a way that sounds cool rather than whiny, the hint of a joke mixed in his words.

“I don’t know,” Josh shrugs, raking his brain for names of their school teachers from their youth. “Ms. Young?” He guesses, knowing she was both their first crush in kindergarten.

“No,” Jake laughs, handing Josh two cartons of Egg Nog. “Try Y/N, our neighbor.”

“No way,” Josh says, truly disbelieving.

Jake nods, “I didn’t think she would be home this year too, and I don’t think she realized that she was wearing Dad’s college sweatshirt that he gave me in high school.”

“How do you know it was yours?” Josh asks, almost incredulous, Jake had been right when he said he wouldn’t believe him.

“Because I remember losing it during Christmas time one year and it has a nice big stain on the right sleeve that I saw when she waved at me like she wanted me to vanish into thin air. I’m sure her mom just assumed it was one of theirs if I left it lying around at their place.”

“I didn’t know waves could communicate that, but with her, I’d believe it,” Josh adds, not really caring about Jake’s sweatshirt all that much, thinking about his neighbor who had always really disliked him.

“I feel like we were kind of shitty to her in high school and then she has to see us every time she comes home, probably isn’t great,” Jake muses, finishing up the unloading of the groceries rather quickly. “Maybe we should apologize?”

Josh scoffs and looks at his brother with a humored expression, “Oh please, we could’ve been saints and she would still hate us. She’s just like…the worst.”

“Right,” Jake laughs and pushes a bit of his hair out of his face, “Maybe she mistook me for you, then – wouldn’t be the first time. I think I’m going to try to get on her good side though, I feel like we’re all adults now. Plus, it’d be nice to have someone around who isn’t asking for autographs or anything from us while we’re home to hang out with.”

“Good luck with that,” Josh calls as he walks back to the living room. His curly hair bobs as he disappears through the door and Jake can’t help but roll his eyes at his twin.

At her house, she mentions to her sister that she just saw “a Kiszka”. The only way she ever liked to refer to them besides “the Kiszkas” when she wanted to speak of them as a whole.

“Which?”

“Does it matter?” She says as she sits on their couch.

“I guess not,” Her sister, Heather laughs in reply. “Give me a hint though, long or curly. Those two always made you the most upset.”

“Long, thankfully,” She breathes, frowning at the thought of Josh, who was admittedly the one she disliked the most. He was too loud and always talked over everyone and was always far too peppy on early morning excursions when she was forced to attend things like morning hikes during the holidays.

“Do you think you’ll ever get over this hatred for them or are you just going to carry it to the grave?”

“Why do you say hatred like that?”

“Like what?” Heather’s brows raised at her little sister.

“Like I don’t actually hate them?”

Her sister just laughs with a coy smile. “You tell me.”

“Okay, fuck off,” She sighs, not really meaning it, but leaving to go to her room anyway.

At dinner that night, her mom informs the family that Joe, Y/N’s brother, was getting in tomorrow morning, but that was also when their family was supposed to get the Christmas tree. So her mom explains that someone needs to stay back to do that and Heather conveniently mentions that she and her husband were already tied up with something she was rather vague about, which was oh so convenient. Her mom and dad were adamant about both being there to pick up Joe from the airport in Detroit since he was flying in from Japan and returning home for the first time in over two years. Since she had been coming from California, they had no problem letting her get a rental car and just dealing with the drive, but no, Joe was special. He also was the youngest, so that probably added to the coddling besides the two years since they’d seen him in person. He was actually the same age as Sam Kiszka, so they got along pretty well, much to Y/N’s chagrin because it added to the reasons why she was forced to see the Kiszkas.

So, if her math was correct, that left her to get the tree. Which, how the fuck was she supposed to get the tree all on her own? This didn’t add up at all to her as her eyes flashed around the table at her family members like they were insane.

“So I’m getting the tree by myself tomorrow?” Her eyes wide.

Her mom nods, “Well, not completely by yourself. The Kiszkas have the same pickup time. So the boys can help you with it.”

“Mom!” She feels like a little kid when she says it, but can’t help it. This was exactly what she feared she would say, but it also inevitably was the only solution besides her dragging around a six-foot Christmas tree all on her own – which was, admittedly, physically impossible.

Her mom gives her a look from across the dinner table and she closes her mouth instantly, licking her lips before sighing.

“Okay,” she breathes out, “Don’t worry, I – I’ll be fine, I can do it.”

Saying she could do it and doing it were entirely two different stories because now that she’s at the tree lot with the Kiszka twins standing in front of her and at least five layers of clothes covering her shivering body, and she wants to run the mile home rather than stay here. Sam steps out of the car behind Jake and Josh and he smiles at her warmly, his gangly limbs hidden in a black Patagonia puffer and dark wash jeans that work to contrast with his brothers’ shorter statures. She didn’t even have time to take in their outfits, both of their haircuts being the loudest part about them (besides Josh’s voice, of course).

“Y/N,” Josh says gravely, in some form of greeting.

“Josh,” She says back, curtly. “Jake, Sam. You’re all…here.”

They nod and Sam gives a quick ‘yes’.

“I was told you’d help me with my family’s tree since they abandoned me.”

“We were told that, as well,” Jake says, “So we should probably get to picking two of these guys out?”

There’s a small beat of silence while she stares at them, not one of them shivering from the cold even though they didn’t live through Michigan winters anymore either.

“Yes,” She says when she realized they were waiting on her agreement. Idiots, she wanted to mumble but refrained.

They walk through the rows of trees while she informs them that her house needs a 6-foot tree, Sam tells her that they were also getting a ‘6 footer’ as well. Josh says something under his breath, but she pointedly doesn’t try to catch it, not caring what he could possibly have to say about Christmas trees. They’re successful after about fifteen minutes, there was a bit of an issue when Josh tried to insist that the Kiszkas needed the one she had picked out for her family, but Jake and Sam had been quick to cut the pair off from bickering too much. Jake pointed out another 6-foot tree to Josh and Sam stepped in front of the twins to say to Y/N that her family could have the one she wanted. She smiles graciously at Sam and Jake, but can’t help that it slips from her face when Josh returns into view, an annoyed look on his face.

The boys all hang back to begin loading the trees onto their respective cars while she heads to the checkout. Her mom had given her enough cash to cover hers and Jake had handed over the money for the Kiszka tree as well. She had honestly been grateful that none of them insisted on going to pay with her so that she didn’t have to wallow through aimless conversation that they struggled to keep up when she didn’t really offer much to add to it.

When she reaches the register, the cashier is a girl, clearly in her teenage years. They all looked so young these days, she was probably 16 or 17, but to her, the girl looked more like 12. The girl, whose nametag reads Maddy, smiles at Y/N giddily and there’s a glint in her eyes that isn’t quite placeable. Y/N nods and offers a normal greeting before telling her that she’s covering the two trees that the boys are beginning to secure to the car roofs and she gestures over that way. In reality, she wasn’t sure why she was offering so much information considering there was a specific time for this tree pick up, there were no other trees being bought at this time. Still, she was trying to talk in hopes that what she feared wouldn’t come to pass. The glint in the teen girl’s eyes was making her nervous and then she realizes that gesturing towards the Kiszkas was the worst thing she could’ve done.

It was enough to have Maddy speaking up and Y/N can’t escape it.

“I can’t believe you’re friends with GVF,” Maddy gushes, “I don’t think I’d ever be cool enough to talk to them, much less be friends with them. Do you know Danny too? Are you one of their girlfriends? I won’t tell anyone, I swear.”

She resists the urge to gag and roll her eyes at this kid because for her it really must be cool to be so close to see musicians you love, but god if only she knew. But a scoff still sounds and her mouth is talking before she can stop herself.

“Not cool enough to be friends with them? Oh hon, have you seen their high school pictures?” There’s a smile on her face as she says it, feeling smug in the fact that she knew these guys weren’t cool in high school, at all.

She shakes her head with a quick yes that she had indeed seen pictures of them in high school, which only made Y/N slightly uneasy, but let it slide. The transaction finishes on the register and Maddy is handing her the receipts, which Y/N takes gingerly before tucking her hands back into her pockets.

The cashier clearly wants to say more, but Y/N is already turning to go, yet her mouth is out of her control once again.

“Oh and for what it’s worth, I’m not friends with them – they’re actually not cool enough to be friends with me.” She flashes Maddy a wink and walks away.

Sure it was an arrogant thing to say, but it felt so damn good, she couldn’t wipe the grin off her face as she walked back to the two cars.

Sam hops off the side of her car where he just finished tying the last side of the tree down and creates a semi-circle by joining where the twins are standing, who were not helping – of course. She stands before them and presses her chin down slightly into her scarf, feeling cold and also trying to hide the smile from them.

No luck.

“What’s got you smiling like that?” Sam inquires with a tilt of his head, having a hard time imagining that she’d be so happy with them that she’d let it show.

“You should go give that girl an autograph or something, she seems like a big fan,” is all she says, voice deadpan.

When they don’t move to actually go over to the cashier, Y/N raises her brows expectantly. “Seriously, at least one of you. Or are you all bigger assholes than before?”

“Hey –” Josh starts, but Jake rests a hand on his brother’s forearm.

“Yeah, we can go over, but I seriously doubt that’s why you’re smiling. Right?” Jake questions.

Josh starts to walk towards the girl and Y/N turns to watch as the girl’s eyes light up with a mixture of giddy excitement and fear. Instead of responding to Jake, she just nods her head in the direction Josh went, encouraging them to hurry it up. The boys walk over there together and take a selfie with Maddy before scribbling their names on a random receipt, making the girl elated. Josh’s face is so pleasant as he chats with her, a genuine smile on his face, but Y/N doesn’t notice because she’s on her phone trying to ignore how cold she was and also the nice thing she had done for the cashier, despite disliking the boys. She had to prove they weren’t all that impossible or otherworldly to talk to, it was just like talking to normal people. So really it was more for her than for this Maddy kid, she told herself in reassurance.

Once they’re finished with the impromptu meet and greet, the satisfied smirk on her face is still present when she looks up at them standing next to her again.

“She was nice,” Jake confirms, “But why did learning she was a big fan make you smile? It certainly doesn’t sound like you.” He was unable to let it go.

“I just told her you guys weren’t as cool as she might think, certainly not too cool to talk to her. And that we weren’t friends, nothing crazy.” She shrugs and starts to go for the handle of the driver’s seat of her car.

Jake looks surprised and Josh has a scowl on his face, while Sam barks out a little chuckle.

“Don’t start with me Josh, I sent you over there to give her a picture and shit, I was being nice, even when I am freezing to death – I doubt my little comment tainted your image or anything, chill.”

“Do not tell me to chill.” He snaps, sounding annoyed, she knew the tone really well unsurprisingly. “Why did you even talk about us with her?”

“Hm, I don’t know, maybe she saw me walking around with you three and assumed we were friends so she brought it up as she was ringing up the trees? Seriously, she was word vomiting about how cool the band is and was wondering if I was dating one of you. I had to tell her that that was not the case.” She shrugs, opening the car door now, done with the conversation. “At least two of you will help me get this in my house right?”

Josh disregards her question by scoffing at the previous statements. “Just don’t point us out to people, okay, there are already too many people asking us for stuff without you advertising that we’re here and sending us over to meet fans. I don’t even know how you manage to do that while also talking shit, it’s a real talent.”

“Aww,” She croons, but her face is rigid with loathing, finally running out of patience with him, “I made Joshy mad.” She scrunches her face at him before continuing, “Better go realign those chakras, don’t want people to find out that not only are you uncool, but you’re also a huge asshole.”

“You are the –” But Josh is once again cut off by Jake telling him to get in their car.

“Sam and I will come over to help, just wait for us, okay?” Jake says finally, a bit of a harsh look on his face. Making fun of someone’s brother usually did that.

“Thanks,” She can’t help but say, maybe she’d been a little harsh, but didn’t Josh have it coming? He was always an asshole to her.

The tree gets put in the house by Jake and Sam with little to no unpleasantness. Sam apologizes to her about Josh being rude at the Christmas tree lot and tries to explain that they’re so happy to be home and have a little break from touring and famous life, that Josh is trying to take some time to relax and reconnect with himself instead of being the big frontman personality. She refrains from rolling her eyes when Sam can see, but she nods and gives a short wish of luck with that endevour. It was annoying how charming the Kiszkas could really be, because Sam was making her heart thaw just a little bit even if she’d never admit it to anyone. Like, maybe they had grown up a little bit – besides Josh, at least.

When Jake hangs back after they’ve finished setting the tree up where her mom had instructed her to tell them to place it, she’s once again shown that some of the Kiszkas have seemingly grown up. Jake looks at her with a soft expression and she returns it will a look of confusion.

“Yes?”

“I just want to apologize,” Jake starts.

“Yeah, Sam already did, it’s okay, Josh is an idiot, I know.”

Jake laughs, his hair shaking out behind his shoulders. He was just in a dark grey waffle long sleeve and there’s four necklaces hanging down on his chest over it. They all look unique and interesting and if they were close she might have asked to check them out.

“I mean, yeah, he is, but I meant for how I acted in high school and growing up with you. These past few years have allowed me to do a lot of reflecting on myself and teenagers are just such assholes, you know. I guess, I’m just trying to say that whatever I might’ve said or did when we were younger, I didn’t mean it and I’m not that kid anymore, so I’d like if we could put that behind us and actually talk since I know our families aren’t going to stop being close anytime soon – both physically and socially.”

Her eyes widen at Jake’s words and she leans against the wall behind her as he speaks to her in her kitchen. They were right beside the side door that allowed him to get back to his house quicker than going through the front door. An apology for childhood wrongdoings. She really hadn’t expected that.

When she’s silent, Jake continues, “I guess you don’t need to necessarily forgive me, but I just wanted to tell you I was sorry. And that you won’t have any trouble from me this holiday season.”

The smile that spreads on her face is genuine as happiness washes over her. Jake looked sincere as he pushes a stray hair out of his face instinctively, waiting for her to say something, anything.

“Thanks Jake, it is nice to hear. Also I know I can be a bitch sometimes, so sorry about that too, I guess, but seriously you two were menaces growing up.” She decides to relent a little, to not present the hard exterior that had been reserved for the Kiszkas when she was younger. Jake was right, she wanted to be an adult too, if he was willing.

He laughs and mumbles another sorry. She tells him she’ll see him around, of course, and that she’d report to her mother that they had been lovely, so her mom could tell Karen the boys had been good. He thanks her for not mentioning Josh’s little outburst in advance.

As she watches Jake disappear through a crack in their shared fence that she had forgotten about back to his house, a memory of Christmas past comes to mind. When she and the twins had been seniors in high school.

She was laid out on the couch in her family’s living room as everyone was hanging around in the kitchen and dining room after diiner. She had disappeared to read to avoid teasing from the twins who found it endlessly enthralling to make fun of her in every way imaginable. She would have thought they would have gotten bored with it after all these years, but they still found it more interesting than cleaning up or talking with grown ups about their lack of interest in college.

“Are you seriously reading Nietzsche and listening to Christmas music?” Josh asks, seeing her with the book in front of her face as she’s on her back.

“Yeah?” She calls back, not bothering to lower the book or tell him that it wasn’t her who put the Christmas music on anyway.

“You’re twisted,” He says as he crosses to stand next to the couch, placing himself so that when he leans over the side of the couch, his face is above hers, separated by the book.

He pushes at the book, attempting to see her face. Her hands relent and it comes to rest on her chest and she stares up into his dark brown eyes, not lit up by anything as his back faces the fire in the room and it’s dark outside. His hair curly but short at the sides, he had recently gotten rid of his middle part almost bob that she actually thought was cool, but would never have told him about. Now he looked like the asshole he was, rather than the cool hippie he had been impersonating for the last year or so.

“And you can’t even spell Nietzsche properly, so just, can you go away?” She asks, but a smirk slips onto Josh’s face at that.

He continues to stare down at her, playfully, while she stares back, unamused.

“You know,” Josh starts and pulls around the couch and gestures for her to make room for him. There isn’t a fight she wants to get into less than Josh trying to sit on her if she doesn’t move, so she sits up and scoots into the corner of the couch. Josh sits in the center and looks at her. She rolls her eyes in annoyance. “It’s actually bad luck to wear black all the time.”

“You’re such a fucking liar, Joshua.”

“I bet Nietzsche won’t tell you that,” He raises his eyebrows at her.

Another eyeroll ensues and he’s still smiling because he loves just how easy it is to get under her skin. She gets up and leaves the room after that, unable to enjoy - well, enjoy was the wrong word as reading philosophy was pretty unbearable to get through, but a necessary evil to communicate her anti-cool girl persona she had worked tirelessly to cultivate in high school - her book. Not being allowed to go to her room by her parents instruction and not wanting to be in either the kitchen or dining room, she heads to the side door and slips outside. The air is freezing but it’s better than being bugged by Josh and at the time, she had been accustomed to the Michigan winters, her skin a little thicker.

When she’s finally peacefully alone, she sighs a breath of relief. But then there’s a rustle behind the fence in front of her and she’s widening her eyes, slightly unsettled. There’s a little smoke raising on the other side as well, but she doesn’t notice it.

“Is someone there?” She calls after another rustle, feeling anxious, but then kicking herself for calling out when a head pokes through the hole in the fence.

It was Jake and his eyes are as wide as hers until he realizes it’s her.

“Oh, it’s just you,” He says as coolly as possible, stepping fully into her family’s yard, a half-smoked cigarette still burning in his left hand.

“Sneaking off to smoke a cigarette at family Christmas dinner? Scandalous, Jake,” She laughs at his face that is set in a hard line at her joke.

“Don’t act like you don’t smoke just as much as I do, I’ve seen you at parties.” Jake says quickly, trying to discern whether she’ll tell his parents on him. Sometimes it felt like they were almost friends, comrades in their adolescence.

She laughs, but shakes her head before motioning for him to pass her the cigarette. He obliges and she takes a drag, the smoke instantly warms her up from the inside out.

“You and your brother are dicks, you know that,” She muses after a few silent moments of them passing the cigarette between the pair.

Jake kicks at the ground for a second after dropping the cigarette to the group, knowing it was done.

“I feel like it’s him more than me, though,” He mumbles, “Your face is just so… cute when you’re upset, for what it’s worth.” He decides to add, the darkness making him brave.

She definitely would agree that Josh made her more angry than Jake. Jake’s teasing was never extensive if he was without his twin. This maybe should have clicked something in her brain, but as a 17 year old, she really wasn’t as smart as she thought she was.

“Right,” is all she says.

Maybe if Jake had been braver that night, she would have finally understood why the twins teased her so much. There were plenty of times that school year when Jake and Josh both got close to saying it, for leaning in, for doing the thing. But they were 17 and stupid and teenagers didn’t really understand exactly what to call the feelings they had inside of them. Plus, she probably would’ve punched them in the nose if either of them had actually made a move. In her eyes, they really were just the next door neighbors who were absolute idiots and who tormented her to no end.

Looking back on it, she recognized a bit more of those tell tale signs that a boy like the Kiszkas had a crush on her in high school. At 25, she was sure shit like that didn’t linger around. Now, Josh was just an asshole to her because he liked to be, she was sure of it.

For two days, she is free of seeing the Kiszkas, or she guessed just Josh now. But either way, she was free from annoyances. She had gotten a little more acquainted with the cold weather again and her family wasn’t being too naggy about everything she did. It was good to see Joe again and spend time with everyone, just the six of them – since their family included Heather’s husband now.

The third day, she isn’t so lucky. Her mother informed her the night before that they were set to be doing their annual gingerbread house decorating with the Kiszkas at their house. She didn’t even try to get out of it, knowing better than trying to find an excuse for this event. It entailed each child to make a house because it had started when they were children and everyone wanted their own house. Now their parents insisted on it because they had grown used to it and there was no point in arguing with their mothers even though everyone thought it was a waste of materials and time now. Not everyone, but definitely Y/N and she knew Sam was one her side about it, too.

The Kiszkas are loud. She knew this from years of experience confirming this fact over and over again. But today, the house is somehow louder than ever before which she thought was impossible since they were no longer shrieking eight year olds. Maybe her ears were just more sensitive now. Still, the music was blaring from the expensive stereos in the family room when she walked in. Ronnie is yelling at Sam about stealing a sweater. Jake is laughing too loudly at something Josh just said, a grin still evident on his face as he beams at his brother. Karen is in the kitchen with Y/N’s mom making sure all of the houses are stable enough to be decorated.

She walks lazily into the dining room, head down, not looking to speak with anyone as Heather talks with her husband and Joe hugs Sam and begins talking about Japan with him. She feels Josh’s presence before he speaks, but she doesn’t look up. Not particularly interested on staring at his curls or his very well trimmed goatee and mustache up close. She thinks about how unfair it was that she had been in a family that was friends with famous musicians, but not musicians that she particularly cared about. Why couldn’t it have been Phoebe Bridgers’ family who had been her next door neighbors. She would’ve loved that. But no she had to be born in fucking Frankenmuth.

“Look,” Josh starts and her gaze finally meets his face, when he realizes she isn’t going to look up unless he says something. “I am sorry I was a dick at the tree lot. I understand that my brothers both apologized for me and that just…felt weird not to say it myself.”

“Okay.”

“Okay?” He raises a brow and she watches it disappear beneath his fluffy hair rather comically.

Her lips press into a thin line, she knew he wasn’t sincere. She hadn’t said anything to Jake’s apology and he had been kind, she tells Josh ‘okay’ and he gets upset.

Before anymore words can be exchanged, their moms rush in and tell the children to take their seats, despite everyone being adults. The youngest were both 22. Jake brings out a whole ice chest of beer and places it in the corner, near the head of the table, where he sits, right beside Y/N. He grins and passes her a can, wordlessly, and she nods appreciatively.

“Joshua, go sit right there, please,” Karen says when he’s the last one standing somehow, despite him being one of the first people in the room.

Right there. Right where? Oh, right. Right next to Y/N, the last open seat. It was fine. She could be between the twins throughout this ordeal. They weren’t kids anymore. They were adults. And Jake had apologized and just given her beer, so they were good. And Josh had…well, he tried at least, but only because his pride wouldn’t let his brothers apologize for him. She was pretty sure she was going to be sick.

Jake gets caught up with Heather as they decorate the gingerbread houses, so that really only leaves Josh as a possible conversational partner, considering once her sister started talking about Alaska, it was hard to talk about anything else.

“I can’t believe you won’t accept my apology,” Josh hisses in an angered whisper to her, trying to make sure no one else heard him, for once. “And I was being nice not requesting one back from you.”

She closes her eyes as she’s holding the frosting pipette. They felt like they were burning from concentrating on the little cookie house in front of her for so long and the sound of the demon beside her. After one breath she opens them and turns her head to look at Josh beside her. Her eyes bright with something he couldn’t put his finger on. He unconsciously runs his tongue over his lower lip to wet it and then bites at it. She shakes her head in disbelief.

“Requesting one from me,” She whispers back. “You’re the one who all but yelled at me for doing something nice for a child, where’s the holiday spirit, dude?”

“That was not the reason why you did it,” He throws back.

“Yes it was,” She cries a little louder, she couldn’t believe Josh thought so little of her.

“Whatever,” He sighs, his eyes flickering away from her face to something behind her for a moment, “Let’s drop it.”

She nods, but rolls her eyes at her sister when she notices her staring at her and Josh.

“Can you pass the mini gumdrops, please,” She asks after a beat of silence between her and Josh.

He was in the middle of running his hand through his hair, which she refrained from saying was gross at this moment because she knew he would probably strangle her. His left hand takes the little bag and moves it so that it sits between their two houses, still slightly closer to his, but she again wasn’t going to mention it. Trying to be an adult was so damn hard with him.

By the time the gingerbread houses are getting close to being finished and their moms have taken enough photos to fill three photo albums, she was four beers in and fully relaxed. Josh and she had actually chatted aimlessly for a bit of the decorating time without being unpleasant with one another. She wouldn’t categorize it as pleasant either, but it was definitely bearable. The buzz of the alcohol might have helped with that. Still, she counted it as a win. She also refused to speak of the times when her and Josh were sharing a decoration, like the mini gumdrops, and their hands had grazed against one another. They were split seconds in time, when his warm fingers would touch her cold ones and one of them would pull away like they had been burned. She didn’t notice the terrible blush that would turn up on the tops of Josh’s cheeks when it would happen because why would she be looking at him.

It’s Christmas Eve eve when she finds herself in the presence of Josh Kiszka once again. And once again, she’s wondering why her family hates her so much. She’s sitting in her Dad’s old pick up truck that disturbingly says “fight crime shoot back” and Josh is in the driver’s seat. The heat doesn’t work very well – it allegedly blew some hot air, but not enough for any person who wanted to live – so they both have an old blanket over their legs and it’s too small so she’s in the middle seat, right beside him. Fate was a cruel lover.

This happened after ten minutes of back and forth over who really deserved the blanket and finally she had relented to sitting beside him just for the time being so that neither of them had to go without the extra warmth as they drove to the supermarket a half hour before it closed for the holiday – in Frankenmuth, stores were closed all day on Christmas Eve somehow. The pair had been sent on the last minute grocery store run for both the families for some reason. Her mother had said that no one else was available because they had other tasks, present wrapping, cooking prep for Christmas Eve, etc. etc. She likely wasn’t assigned present wrapping since her mom didn’t particularly like the way she would wrap presents so that explained that one at least. Still, it felt like a punishment, especially being required to go in the truck which she put her foot down at driving in the new snowfall. How Josh was assigned to this task was also questionable, it possibly was due to the fact that everyone had their fill of Josh’s ramblings for the night, which her reply was why did that mean he should be sent with her. But sent with her, he was.

“See, sharing is caring.”

She shakes her head at Josh’s silly grin as he looks at her shivering body tucked almost against him. She wouldn’t admit it but being beside him allowed her to leech from his own personal heat supply that seemed unending.

“I hate you, I really do.”

“You say it, but it just doesn’t pack the same punch it used to,” He remains smiling. She decides to stay quiet.

He fiddles around the case of CDs her Dad keeps in the car and finds exactly what he’s looking for. The serendipitously named Back Home Again album by John Denver. His fingers deftly open the worn plastic case and slips out the disc carefully and slips it into the reader. The machine wirs a bit as it recognizes there’s a CD inside now and gets to work playing throughout the car. She watches him complete the task and can’t help but smile at the opening notes of the first song, eponymously “Back Home Again”. He smiles at her and she can’t bring herself to frown at him. John Denver’s voice was too sweet. His voice made her feel a little warmer and Josh’s eyes glint from the street light outside the car as he puts the car into drive. She turns to look out her window, taking in the words.

“Hey, it’s good to be back home again…sometimes this old farm feels like a long lost friend.”

She thinks back on those times when she had told Josh she hated him in high school and the feeling she had when she said it at the time. Maybe he was right that she didn’t feel that way anymore. Her words were empty memories now. It’s the little things. They were saying the same words, but they clearly weren’t the same people they were. What was stopping her from being friends with the guy who also loved John Denver. She wanted nothing more to hate him, it felt like that’s who she was supposed to be but in this moment she couldn’t play the part. Not with him softly singing along to the words. Not shouting louder than John’s voice for once. It made her turn back to him. His voice was beautiful too, it was an unequivocal fact. His eyes focused on the road as the windshield wipers swiped the snow from the glass in front of them. His hair perfectly flowing around his face and framing it. He was attractive in a way she had never seen in anyone else – besides his siblings obviously, but even then it was slightly more. He had a glow that was undeniable, even in the dark of the winter night.

“Why are you staring at me?” He finally asks, just above John Denver singing “Matthew” now.

“You’re right.”

“What was that?” He tilts his head to her, his eyes lighting up at the frown she does give him this time. He could be so difficult with her.

“I guess I don’t really hate you, it was really easy to do in high school, because, you know, you deserved it. But now,” she trails off as the mischievous expression on Josh’s face switched to his serious one, showing he was actually listening to her.

“I know what you mean,” He says, eyes back on the road. “When Jake said you were back, I assumed everything would be the same, but it just feels exhausting to pick fights with you. Like, I am not the 16 year old idiot who has a crush on you anymore, so I don’t even know what I’m fighting for.”

She laughs at that, finally hearing Josh admit it. “You bullied me because you had a crush on me? So cliché, Joshua.”

He smiles a rather sweet smile, one that she never saw directed at her. It was genuine and it was filled with malice, it was kind. He loved when she called him his full name, it felt so nostalgic, in the best way.

“Hey! I was a stupid boy, I said that. It’s not like you made it easy not to like you, you were so cool. Teasing was the only way to get your attention, you never gave me the time of day otherwise.”

“I’ll take the compliment, but for what it’s worth, I was a nervous wreck behind that cool facade. I was obsessed with looking like I didn’t give a fuck, which is just, so paradoxical.” She smiles when he laughs now.

“You had me fooled,” He says, “I remember one time talking about you to Jake when we were in high school and I was so in awe that not only did you read Nietzsche for fun, but you also pronounced his name right and didn’t misspell it.”

“God, I was so pretentious reading philosophy books for fun,” She laughs at herself now, finding it funny that she had also remembered a similar memory just the other day.

“No, no,” He insists, “And you were the reason I started listening to more of the Doors and George Harrison’s solo stuff because I would hear you blasting both of them from your bedroom. And Twin Peaks, I remember you mentioning that you watched the show one time and I went and rented it from Betty’s because it wasn’t on Netflix.”

“Oh my god,” She says in disbelief, but Josh’s sparkling grin is present on his face when he raises his bushy brows in insistence that it was the truth.

Soon the car is filled with laughter from both of them as they recount high school memories. Mostly Josh explaining more moments in their youth when he was really just trying to communicate his crush to her and she got mad instead. He was being so sweet right then. Telling her all the nice things he thought about her when they were kids with no embarrassment. It felt really good to hear all of it because sometimes she didn’t always think the best of herself. But if someone could’ve liked her even in her adolescence, then that meant that she was worthy of love now – by others and herself. She saw so much goodness in Josh that she hadn’t before, teenage idiocy blinding her from it before. But that car drive to the supermarket seemed like a restart for them because she realized just how much they had in common. God bless the angelic voice of John Denver for softening her up.

Their families stare at them confusedly when they walk back into the house, arms filled with groceries and laughter on their lips. She shrugs at her sister and Josh winks at Jake, a smug smile on his lips when his twin looks at him in slight confusion. At the store they had giggled up and down the store aisles and on the ride home they had promised to explore this new friendship while they had the chance. Neither of them acknowledged how they would be leaving in a week or how their stomachs flipped a little in a way that was a bit more than friendly when they looked at each other.

She laughed on Christmas Eve when her brother prodded her for information on why all of sudden her and Josh were seemingly friends.

“I know you’ll just go running your mouth to Sam and end up embarrassing me, so the answer is no comment.”

Christmas Eve dinner is just her family which she is happy about initially and then sad at the thought that she wasn’t going to get to see Josh. How quick things can change. But soon enough it’s Christmas day and their families are set to do their annual Christmas dinner, that started at 3pm. She spends a little extra time on her makeup and adds some golden glitter just below her eyes and up slightly on her cheekbones. Her dress is black and understated, but it fits her perfectly, accentuating all of the right places. The dress has a low neck as it as a collar and buttons down the front. Instead of a necklace, she puts on her Dad’s old bolo tie that he gave to her when she said she wanted one. It was a light brown braided cord with a silver eagle and matching engraved tips. The tips laid just between her breasts, where the dress parted. Since they’d be staying inside the warm house tonight, she doesn’t bother with tights and chooses matching brown high heeled round tip boots since she’d left her cowboy boots in California even though they would have perfectly completed the look she was going for.

When the Kiszkas arrive, she was one beer in, her parents saying they had to wait for the Kiszkas to open the champagne, which usually would have made her roll her eyes, but now it just made her slightly giddy.

Josh walks in and he’s wearing an outfit she guesses was the only thing he owns. It seemed to be the only thing he’s worn this entire week, besides a few Christmas sweaters that his mom had obviously given him. It’s a long sleeve crewneck style white shirt and dark skinny khaki pants and slip on white vans. He takes off his winter overcoat and it reveals that he has on a long silver necklace today instead of the usual wooden beads. He must be feeling festive. He places down the salad bowl he had carried over and crosses to her at the edge of the kitchen when he sees her.

They smile simultaneously and she doesn’t miss how his eyes sweep over her outfit. She takes an inconsequential step backwards, but it effectively takes them into the hallway away from the rest of their families without being conspicuous.

“That dress is fantastic,” He breathes.

“You think?” She asks before giving a twirl.

“Yeah, where did you get it? It looks like it was made for you.” His eyes still on her figure, not a single shy bone in this man’s body.

She smiles at the words and runs her hands over the fabric, showing it off a little more than the occasion called for, but Josh wasn’t complaining either. His eyes taking her in in her entirety, letting her have her moment.

“I thrifted it, would you believe?”

“Wow, that’s just, amazing,” He looks to her face again finally when she stops preening from his gaze. “And the glitter… I think I might need some of that.”

“Really?” She asks, but she can tell he means it from the look on his face. It makes her eyes light up with complete joy. “C’mon,” she beckons for him to follow her and quickly turns to go to her room.

She takes the glitter from her makeup bag and turns to Josh who followed quick behind her. Her hands hold up a white glitter and the same gold glitter she has on her face. He stares at both and then back at her face. She bites her lip, refraining from the unbridled giggle her chest wants to let out at his happy face.

“Which one do you think? The white would match your outfit and it would reflect rainbow when it hits the light. Gold will match with me.”

“Ooh,” Josh’s eyes widen at the decision. “Let’s match, but I want to see the white in action sometime.”

“Deal,” She agrees. She motions for him to sit on the edge of her bed so she can apply the glitter for him. He complies and she sits beside him, one of her legs folding beneath her as she goes. Their faces are level as she unscrews the cap and dips her finger into the pot. “Dots, lines or like mine?”

“Surprise me,” He says, his warm brown eyes piercing hers, seemingly looking deep into her soul. She nods and he lifts his chin and closes his eyes, settling in to her taking charge. It would be so easy to lean in and kiss him on his soft looking lips right now. She pushes the thought away.

Her right middle finger goes to his cheek, right beside his sculpted nose. She presses down lightly and he refrains from humming from her soft touch. He can smell her perfume, which smells like lavender and cream, like the cleanest sheets on earth. Her finger moves down ever so slightly and then pulls away. She repeats the motion four times on each side of his face, the last one on the outer edge of his eye going down the longest. She’s done for about thirty seconds before she actually tells Josh she’s done and in those thirty seconds, she gets to admire just how radiant he is. His face peaceful yet glowing, not just because of the glitter, but it does add to it.

When he looks in her little desk mirror that she holds up to him, he laughs heartily, his top row of teeth making a full appearance. She gets to see the little gap in his two front teeth and she finds it terribly endearing. She had gone so soft for this man in no time, it was a little embarrassing, but as long as she didn’t tell anyone, who cared.

“Thank you,” Josh says sincerely. “It’s a Christmas miracle.”

She quirks a brow at him, “What is?”

“This. Us. I wouldn’t have thought just four days ago that you’d be putting glitter on for me as we hide away from our families at Christmas dinner. It’s funny.”

“Blame John Denver, he made me feel really sentimental in my dad’s truck the other night.”

Josh laughs at that. “He really is a miracle worker.”

Then they say simultaneously, “He’s the best.”

It’s silent for a moment. Just the two staring at one another, inches away on her bed, smiling like they’ve never been happier. Josh darts his tongue out to wet his lips and his eyes flicker from her eyes down to her lips which are still spread in a smile. Maybe both of their heads inch forward inperceptibly.

But then there’s a call from somebody down the hall. “Josh! Y/N! It’s champagne time! Stop…whatever it is that you’re doing?” The last part is a question because not a soul in their families really understood what was going on with them, but they also didn’t want to question it too much as there was finally peace between the households. No angry tension at the dinner table for the first Christmas ever. It was going to be fantastic.

“Maybe some champagne and caviar?” Josh says with a smile and a single brow raise, smoothly recovering from whatever it was that almost just happened.

She simpers and offers her hand out to him to help him stand. He doesn’t need it but takes it nonetheless. His palm is smooth and warm in hers and he squeezes it to envelop hers.

“Why are your hands always so cold, mama?” He says quietly, it was just above a whisper.

Her expression shows her surprise at the nickname, another thing she had seen Josh say, but never directed at her. She finds herself basking in the warmth the name fills her with. His fingers rubbing at her soft skin remind her of his question as she refocuses on his eyes. They were almost the same height with her boots on, which didn’t seem to bother Josh. She liked seeing him from this angle, his hair sitting in a way that she could see the glint of his small golden hoops in his ears, in a way that was unfamiliar.

She hums in thought, it wasn’t like they were outside so she couldn’t blame it on the weather. “I just run cold, I guess.”

“I’m happy to warm you up,” He offers and the deeper meaning is clear as she purses her lips and pulls herself from him reluctantly, knowing someone will come into her room if they don’t emerge soon. Even though she doesn’t say anything, Josh knows she understands from the look she chances at him again as she walks out of the room ahead of him.

That night at dinner is filled with stolen glances and fingers brushing against each other as they reach past one another for salt shakers and platters. Jake arches an eyebrow at her and she simply shrugs in response. Her mother comments on Josh’s glitter and he praises Y/N’s handiwork, saying he felt filled with the Christmas spirit with it on. When each of them tell jokes the other laughs a little harder than is probably necessary but no one says anything about it. Sam and Joe share a fleeting look.

After dinner she slinks off to the living room, reclining herself onto the couch, hands twiddling with the champagne flute in her hand. The little charm on it was a penguin with a green scarf. She fiddles with it for a moment before tilting her head back and taking a sip of the bubbly liquid. Her eyes slip closed, savoring the taste. When they reopen, Josh has appeared beside her, standing quietly, watching her move. He beams at her and the glitter looks like the radial lines that reflect off the sun.

She motions for him to sit beside her, scooting over just slightly. He places his body snug between the armrest of the couch and her, the space that she provided for him was minimal, but perhaps on purpose. He doesn’t complain at the proximity.

“Sam said something the other day about you trying to take a break from your big frontman personality,” She says after a moment of silence and Josh turns to look at her, his eyes slightly widened at her words, “What does that even mean? You seem like the same guy as the one on the stage, granted from the little that I’ve seen. If I’m honest, I’ve avoided anything to do with your band as much as possible. I hate when people figure out I’m even from Frankenmuth these days.”

His lashes flutter softly as he blinks at her words, a soft chuckle falling from his lips. His tongue darts across his lips before he reopens his eyes, he exhales a quiet sigh. “I just never want it to become an act. The me on stage. I always want to feel that way, but there’s so much more to it than just Josh from Greta Van Fleet on stage, there’s me in interviews and everything else. People just except so much. It feels like they forget I’m only human.”

She twists her lips into a sad smile, her free hand instinctively goes up to his shoulder closest to her. Her hand pets down the soft cotton of his shirt. It rests on his forearm and lingers there with a gentle squeeze.

“I’m sorry I didn’t always see you as a human. I feel like I was also quite hard on you when I have no idea what your life is really like. Just assumptions.”

“I forgive you, as long as you forgive me too.”

Her eyes shut as she smiles self consciously. Josh’s eyes are too bright as they look at her. It’s like the sun is staring at her. She both is simultaneously being pulled into it and wanting to run and hide away. But the urge to be pulled in is far greater. When she reopens them, he’s still staring at her, but his face is much closer. She nods when he gives her a look of needing some reassurance. The right side of his plush mouth curls up in a half smile before fluttering his eyelashes closed and leaning in. She watches it, this stolen moment before the fall. Before it all changes, she allows herself to watch him look so lovely as he gets closer to her than ever before. They’re unobserved as his lips brush lightly against hers and at the touch her eyes finally relent, closing as well. She is hyperaware of every small movement Josh makes against her. His nose is warm and softer than she knew to be possible as it nudges against the small indent between hers and her cheek. She feels his breath as he sighs softly into the kiss. Then he pulls back just the smallest bit, his forehead ever so lightly touching hers, their lips don’t touch but when he speaks they brush up against each other once more.

“Maybe you won’t try to hide that you know me anymore.”

She nods emphatically, laughing a little at herself when both their heads move. She covers it up by pressing her lips to his again, with a little more force. Their lips move against one another with brushes and sighs and soft timid licks against each other that make each other giggle childishly. Josh’s hands had traveled up to rest on the side of her neck and the other lightly cupping her jaw. Her’s had slithered onto his chest and ocilated between right over his upper chest and the dip in his collarbones that felt so deliciously warm, she couldn’t stop her hands from moving if she wanted to.

“And maybe,” Josh whispers against her lips, a hint of something in his words, “You can stop telling people I’m not cool.”

She laughs and bites her slightly swollen lips, pinkened from Josh’s attention. “But you aren’t… or at least not as cool as me.”

“That’s fair, I guess,” He laughs along, the hand that was on her jaw traveling to swirl around some of her hair. His fingers playing with it absently as they stare into each other’s eyes now, happy to just have gotten here.

“What the actual fuck is going on in here?!” A voice sounds from across the room and both of them whip their heads to it.

Sam is standing in the doorway with a fresh cocktail in his hands, mouth agape and the biggest eyes she’s ever seen. “I fucking knew it,” He follows his own exclamation and turns on his heels and walks back out. She wants to turn into a puddle of embarrassment, but Josh’s unwavering calmness grounds her when she looks back to him. It makes her smile.

“Happy Christmas,” He winks, “You think we’ll ever hear the end of this?”

“Not a chance.”

[ry0chann]

Congrats on 500 followers!!!

For celebration can I request 🌧 aka dancing in the rain for Ranpo?

Thank you and congrats once again

oh yes, thank you!!!

🌧 dancing in the rain

event // 500 follower event

pairing // Ranpo x gn!reader

genre // fluff

wc. // 528

warnings // none

notes // this ended up being so much longer than i intended bc there's a lot of build up. like the actual dancing bit is short and at the end LMAO

event m.list

It was supposed to be clear skies tonight. You told Ranpo you wanted to go stargazing, and yet it was looking like that wouldn't happen. The weather wasn't as nice as you would've hoped it to be; it was gloomy, and a bit warm, despite it being night. Nonetheless, you came here together anyway; lying on the rooftop of your apartment building, staring up at the dark clouds, anticipating their departure.

Ranpo lets out a sigh, sitting up and crossing his legs. He gives you a look that said he was bored, staring at you with tired eyes when he murmurs your name. You sit up as well, grabbing his hand and giving him an apologetic smile.

"I'm sorry," you mumble, "I know you wanted to see the stars... I did too..."

He notices how your face grows glum, brows furrowing at seeing you upset. He leans in, softly kissing the tip of your nose and getting your cheeks to turn pink; a non-verbal way of telling you it was alright. Ranpo takes hold of your hand as he rises to his feet, provoking you to stand with him.

"We can see the stars some other time." he says, beaming brightly.

You nod in agreement as you stand, giving his hand a squeeze. As the two of you begin to leave, you swear you feel a droplet fall on your head. Then another. And another. Until it becomes an entire downpour.

Ranpo groans in agony, rolling his eyes at the fact that you're both caught in the rain. As if you couldn't feel any worse for the way the night was going, you felt bad that this of all things was happening. Of course, you can't control the weather, but you felt bad nonetheless. He stood there holding his coat over his head, as though it'd actually protect him from the rain.

In an attempt to lift his now soiled mood, you laugh; amused by the turn of events. Ranpo doesn't find it funny though. He gives you a look that implied he was annoyed, however seeing you suddenly elated did make him feel a bit better. He lowers his arms, letting the water patter onto the flimsy hat he wore.

"Stop laughing at me." he grumbles, in spite of the slight smirk on his face.

You entwine your hands with his, kissing him softly as your giggles die down. As you pull away, your eyes light up, an idea popping into your head.

"Oh! Dance with me Ranpo!"

He giggles, clearly enjoying the idea despite currently being rained on. You adjust your position, prepping for something of a waltz. To your surprise, he let you lead, though both your moves were a bit rusty due to your current excitement.

The two you couldn't wipe the smiles off your faces, poorly dancing to no music while the rain comes down around you. Your clothes were soaked at this point, faces dripping wet and skin feeling a bit cold to the touch. Yet neither of you cared. The evening may not have gone exactly to plan, but compromised, and ended up enjoying yourself more than you expected to.

[kerie-prince]

forgotten birthdays

Fred Weasley x Slytherin!reader

requested: (anon) Hiii, can I request something aangsty with Fred Weasley and slytherin reader? Like he got mad for something, maybe jealousy bc reader was spending much time with her house mates and he ignores her or says mean things to her but with a happy ending please 🥺

warnings: language

summary: Fred has his suspicions about your best friend and on the day of your birthday, he crosses the line which causes you to rethink your relationship

a/n: yoo this was hard to write for a quick second lol i hope you enjoy ~ plus, i got a new job so i'm in training and i'm so excited bc i've been wanting this job for so long (y/n/n = your nickname)

(gif not mine, cred to owner)

It was getting irritating.

You love Fred with all your heart, but he needed to stop being jealous. Marcus Flint was, is, and always will just be a friend of yours. You two grew up together and are nearly attached to the hip. Never once had you two of you flirted or done anything together. It was purely platonic, but Fred insisted there was something.

And going to Marcus’ prefect dorm after every fight probably didn't help your cause all that well, but he's your best friend. Who else would you talk to? You didn't have many girlfriends and when Fred introduced you to Angelina, you had gotten into a big fight for no reason. But you never asked him to stop hanging out with her even though you wanted to.

You could tell she liked Fred, but you were confident enough to know that Fred would never do you wrong like that. So why does he think that of you? Why does he get to hang out with Angelina, but he gets angry when you barely say two words to Marcus?

It was hard, but you’d work it out and still love each other at the end of the day. But then your birthday came around, and you’d just about had it.

You woke up in a good mood; the river sent in flowing rays of sunlight. Not too blinding, but not too dim either. This would be the second time celebrating your birthday with your boyfriend and if last year was amazing, you couldn't wait to see what Fred had planned for you today.

You took your time getting ready; you put on more make-up than usual and rather than tying your hair up with a clip as you always did, you let it down and fixed some strays to better frame your face. When you walked into the common room, your best friend snuck up behind you and yelled in your ear, “HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Y/N!”

Your natural response was to duck down and cover your ears. You hated when he did that, but you still appreciate the sentiment. You punched his arm as you laughed. “That’s not funny.”

“Oh yeah, then why did I laugh?” Marcus joked. Malfoy and his friends were behind him chuckling, all boys greeting you and wishing you a happy birthday. Marcus flung his arm around your shoulder and walked with you to get breakfast.

Once in the Great Hall, you saw Fred and his friends all laughing at the Gryffindor table and just when you were about to break free from Marcus’ hold, he pulled you back, “Oh no you don’t. You have all day to hang out with Weasley and company, but right now, you are gonna have at least one meal with your best friend.” You weren't going to argue; you didn't want to. If you wanted to sit with Fred, you wouldn't have to put up a fight, you would just do it. At your Slytherin table were Marcus’ other friends, Adrian Pucey and Terence Higgs. You sat in between them and pulled your hood up when they started embarrassing you by singing a birthday song. It was starting to be a great day.

However, across the Hall was Fred glaring daggers at your best friends’ arm around you. He couldn't hear what was going on, either due to the fact that you were pretty far from where he sat, or from jealous rage. “Freddie, you alright?” George asked his brother. “Yeah, just fine, Georgie.” He couldn't stand Flint. He would be enraged with every glance towards you, every whisper in your ear during class, and every time he made you laugh. Fred was sure that Flint was in love with you, but because you grew up with him you were too blind to see it. He was convinced that at any given moment, your ‘best friend’ would take advantage of you.

What also made him upset is that not only did you let Flint wrap his arm around you, you didn't even come say hi to your boyfriend. You always came every morning to his table to give him a morning kiss and sometimes even sat at the Gryffindor table.

In potions class, you sat and waited for your boyfriend to come through the doors. You weren't sure what to expect from him. Fred is an absolute wild card and could come through those doors with anything. And no matter what he brought, he’d for sure get in trouble with Snape.

When he walked through the doors with his brother and Lee, you sat up straight in your seat and waved at him. He saw you, but instead of smiling at you and taking the seat next to yours, he just looked away and sat on the other side of the room. Did something happen? You chose to ignore it until lunch rolled around and he still hadn't come up to you to even say ‘hi’ to you. Had he forgotten your birthday? It could happen, but that doesn't explain why he looked to be in a bad mood.

Once your classes were finished, you walked up the changing stairs and said the password to the Gryffindor dorms. You remembered the updated password your boyfriend gave you the week before and it was your first time using it today.

You didn't know what to expect to see; you secretly wished that today was just a big prank and Fred had actually planned a surprise party of some sort. But when you stepped foot into the room filled with tones of red and gold, there was no party. Just Fred laughing with his friends like normal. Normal without you.

Lee’s laugh died down when he noticed you walking up to Fred. He noticed Lee getting quiet all of a sudden and asked him, “Why are you quiet all of a sudden?” He felt a tap on his shoulder and spun around. “What are you doing in here?”

“Why, are Slytherins not allowed inside?” you joked. Your voice was slightly quiet and had a slight sad tone to it. “I missed you today, is everything okay?”

“Yeah. Fine. I've just been busy. Like you have,” Fred didn't mean to sound so bitter, but he was getting tired of it. He was tired of being second best to Flint.

“What are you talking about?” you asked.

“You've been with Flint all day,” Fred explained himself. You rolled your eyes, two fingers grabbing the temple of your nose from it suddenly starting to become irritated like you were. “Merlin, this again? Freddie, we talked about this. Marcus is just a friend. He's my best friend.”

Fred scoffed, “Y/N/N, you may think that but he doesn't. You trust him too much to see it, but I do. He's not just a friend.”

“You’re friends with Angelina when you know she likes you. And I know it too, but I don't say anything because I don't want to be that girlfriend who controls her boyfriends,” you were tired of playing this game with him. Your voice was heard by everyone in the room and soon enough, tons of peers had all eyes on you. Some either decided to stay, and some like Neville decided to head straight into their dorm rooms and lock the door for safety.

“Me being friends with Angelina is nothing like you being friends with Flint and you know that,” Fred raised his voice louder than anyone’s probably heard him. George and Lee silently guided people out of the common room and up to the dorms. Some people looked over the stairs to get a view of the commotion downstairs. One of them being Angelina herself when she heard her name being called out.

“No you’re right, it's different because he’s not pining over me and waiting for me to become available,” your arms were flailing about in anger, pointing at nothing to put emphasis in your words.

“How many times do I have to say I don’t like Ang? It’s never going to happen!” Angelina heard from up the staircase. Everyone heard him, loud and clear. She ran into her dorm and slammed the door so hard that you could feel the walls shake. “Great,” Fred sighed in frustration. It wasn't the ideal way to let someone down. He intended on talking to her in private without listening ears so she wouldn't be embarrassed.

“I'm not saying you like Angelina. I know you don’t like Angelina. What I’m saying is that you’re wrong about Marcus. I know he doesn't like me, you're just acting insecure,” you yelled back at him..

“I don’t know why it’s so hard for you to see he has feelings for you, Y/N/N,” Fred yelled, “I see the way he looks at you in every class and in the Hall. But you’re too fucking stupid to see–,” he immediately stopped what he was saying.

You couldn't believe what he was telling you right now. You could handle him calling you naive, but stupid? This was low, even for him.

You were getting stares from everyone in the common room. Your pride was more than hurt in this moment; it was destroyed. No words came from your mouth as you were completely still in your seat on the couch. Your nails dug into your skin as it was formed into a tight fist. But the worst of all was that your lips were quivering and you had to fight the tears on your birthday.

Your fucking birthday.

“Well if it bothers you so much, then fine. I'll fix the problem,” you started to speak low for only him to hear you.

“How?”

“I’ll end the problem,” a single tear escaped and trailed down your cheeks. This was the last thing you wanted to do today, but you couldn't take it anymore. He was scared to ask, but his ego got in the way, “And what's the problem?”

“Us,” you stated. He started saying something, but you couldn't hear it as you left. No, you actively ignored everything he was saying at that point. The second you were outside, you started bawling. And you kept at it all the way to the Slytherin common room and into your room.

You paced around your room rubbing your hands on your arms to try and calm yourself down, but nothing was working. Before you even processed it, your legs took you to Marcus’ room without second thought. You continuously knocked on his door until he answered, shirtless and with sweatpants that looked like they were just thrown on.

“Listen, I know it’s your birthday but that doesn't mean that you can do whatever you want–,” he focused in on your face and saw your red cheeks and puffy eyes. You looked behind him and there was a girl with him who sat in his bed looking curious. He looked back to her and just simply ordered, “Out,” which got her moving in seconds.

Once she was gone, he pulled you in and shut his door. Marcus guided you to a black leather chair in his room. “Sit,” his voice was stern, but never harsh with you. “What happened?”

As if by cue, you broke down completely. “It's o-o-over.”

“What is?” he questioned. But piecing it together, there's only one reason you'd be this upset in his room.

He never really knew what to do in situations like when you'd have your usual arguments, always just telling you that everything will be fine and you and Fred would be fine in the morning.

But now, he was feeling two things. One, slight heartache that his best friend is upset in front of him and two, nearly absolute rage that Fred is such an idiot.

Marcus started rubbing your back, “Hey, look at me.” When you shook your head no, he gently tapped on your shoulders until you did. “You are gonna be fine. Okay? You will be fine. There's plenty of other guys here–”

“I don't want to be with other guys, Marcus. I want Fred. I love Fred. But,” you shrugged up both hands, “I don't know. I don't know.” Your best friend pulled you in for a hug.

“Hey, sleep here tonight. You shouldn't be alone right now, especially today.” You nodded your head and kept crying until you couldn't anymore.

—

“HEY!” Marcus’ voice traveled beyond the corridors. Students were fleeing left and right to move out of his way as he made a straight line towards the group of Gryffindors who sat around a tree outside.

Before they could react to what was going on, Marcus punched one of the tall gingers in his abdomen. “OW, what was that for?!”

“You're going to apologize to Y/N right now,” Marcus demanded.

“You idiot, I'm George,” he corrected, still bent over and leaning on Lee for balance. “Shit, sorry.” Marcus looked at Fred and punched him in the same area quicker before Fred could block it. “You're going to apologize to Y/N.”

With a strain in his voice, Fred looked at the Slytherin in front of him, “What for, she broke up with me.”

“Okay, why? Because you're pathetic and insecure.”

“Is that what she told you?” Fred straightened himself up rubbing on the pain. “Of course she told you, she tells you everything.”

“Yeah, why wouldn't she? I'm her cousin,” Marcus pointed out. If he wasn't so mad, he would laugh at Fred's look of astonishment.

“No, you have different family names. And you don't even look related,” Fred wasn't buying it.

“That's because when I was eight, my dad married her aunt. I'm still her cousin,” Marcus explained.

“She never told me anything, how was I supposed to know?” Fred complained. George and his other friends left the two to argue by themselves but stood at a close enough distance to hear the conversation and be able to jump in if it were to get violent.

“Maybe if you got your head out of your ass, you would actually pay attention to her,” Marcus used his pointer finger to push against Fred’s forehead which caused the ginger to swat his hand away. “So get over whatever complex you have and apologize. If I'm being honest, there's plenty of Slytherins that can treat her better but she wants you for some reason.”

Fred knew he was right. And it was that reason why he always felt the way he did. You were enamored by many housemates, all handsome and rich. But you didn't like any of them. You love Fred. You love the lanky, devious, modestly handsome, funny Gryffindor more than anyone you've ever met.

Fred didn't say anything and walked away. His brother was asking where he was going but he didn't answer. Before he was out of Marcus’ sight, the Slytherin said one last thing, “By the way, I hope you know it was her birthday yesterday.”

Fuck. He picked up his pace and ran towards the dungeons. Halfway there, he figured that he didn't want to show up empty handed, so he made a detour to the greenhouse to 'borrow’ some flowers from Sprout’s personal garden.

You sat on one of the couches in your common room. Across from you was Adrian and Terence, arguing about some Ravenclaw girl. Some younger students passed by and whispered amongst themselves to which you didn't pay any mind to until you heard a third year say something about a Weasley being outside.

You knew it wasn't Ron because after his second year break in with Harry, he vowed that he'd never do it again. You stood up and nearly sprinted outside.

Fred was standing awkwardly outside. He tried to get a student to ask for you to come outside but they would all just scrunch their noses in disgust and keep walking. “Annoying little–”

“What are you doing here?” you asked. Your arms were crossed and you slouched your shoulders a bit. Fred noticed how your cheeks were swollen and the bags under your eyes were tinted a rosy pink. In his left hand, there was a single, large sunflower. He raised it in front of you, hoping you would accept it. “You know I’m allergic to those, right?”

Fred’s eyes bulged out. There is no way I didn't know this. Figuring he’s had enough torture, you spoke again, “I’m joking.”

“O-oh. Heh.” You grabbed the flower from him. “I’m… really sorry. I was such an arse–”

“You are an arse,” you corrected. “Yeah, you’re right. I should have trusted Flint. I should have trusted you. And if you’d let me, I want to prove that I do.”

You released a deep sigh and rubbed your forehead. “Freddie. You have to mean it this time. I can't keep going back and forth with you like this. You can't throw a fit every time I hang out with Marcus. Or Adrian. Or Terence.”

“So is that a yes?” Fred persisted. You looked at him properly in his eyes; he seemed sincere this time. And you could only hope that he was. With a nod of your head, Fred broke into smiles and picked you up from the floor and twirled you around. Your head was still sore from all the crying the night before, but you still had a smile on your face.

When he put you down, he took the hand that wasn't holding the flower and walked with you to the Great Hall for food. “So when were you going to tell me that Flint is your cousin?”

“I figured you’d find out at a family gathering or something had you waited a little longer.” He pinched your nose in response, “And you call me devious.”

—

requests open!

[mintseesaw]

northeast monsoon

pairing: god!jungkook x goddess!reader genre: fantasy, smut, slight angst, soulmate!au word count: 3.7k warnings: mature content, unprotected sex, brief mentions of the character’s health conditions, cursed!reader, son of the deity jungkook // 18+ summary: Jungkook, not out of ordinary, decided to celebrate his 24th birthday in his favorite place on earth, the closest place to heaven—on a mountain summit. However, even before he reaches the highest peak of the mountain range, he was trapped, enthralled, and coincidentally found his true nature.

note: the idea occurred to me earlier while i was at work yesterday used jk’s birthday as an excuse to pursue it and ignore my 36433 wips and drabble requests; short, steamy and a literal filth bc it’s unedited

Jungkook was lost.

His birthday seems to carry the bad luck today. His very first misfortune in his two year experience of mountain hiking. The moment he stepped foot on the soil of mountain range marks the start of a weird feeling sitting at the pit of his something. That he refused to acknowledge  because nothing bad happened to him before.

When they visited the homes of the natives on the foothill of the mountain to pay respect as inhabitants of the ancestral domain, the chieftain’s storytelling of the mountain’s cursed guardian sounded incredulous. He didn’t take it seriously nor think of it as a warning. He didn’t understand why the indigenous leader felt the need to tell them a folklore causing a delay on their activity.

Amongst the group of civilian trekkers, he was the only one who skipped the supposed ritual of spitting to the soiled ground and drawing a cross on foot on the same spot before entering the premises passed the small village. It was said to reverse the effect of any potential supernatural force against them.

Approximately 45 minutes after they started their trail onto the summit, he caught a swarm of fireflies flocking on a trunk of a humongous tree, seemingly in its hundred years of existence or more. But it wasn’t the insects that prompted him to stop and admire the view. It was the rare glow surrounding the tree that did. In his great fascination, he even loudly shared his discovery to the group. Their disinterest to the majestic tree dismayed him. Are they blind or something? It’s not everyday that they get to admire such beauty. For a solid few minutes, he was left dazed, stunned to see a tree before his eyes just like the one he had seen recently in a fantasy drama where there existed witchcraft and wizardry.

He’s not dreaming, is he?

When he finally snapped out of his reverie, the group was no longer in sight, leaving him there standing alone. At least, there’s a trace of footprints he could use to follow their tracks.

In silence, Jungkook couldn’t help but think back of the past, and the last bit memory he remembers when he woke up in a hospital bed with no recollection of his identity.

Four years ago, he was met with a major car accident with its impact resulting to hundreds of stitches in his chest, the only hideous scar he obtained after he was said to be hospitalized for a month. He not only developed a heart condition but was also diagnosed with a retrograde amnesia. He believes that his inability to recall his past memory marked the start of his vivid dreams occurring every night. Still, he was lucky enough to have his body remain in the best condition despite the lasting emotional and physiological damages it left him.

The endless dreams of mountains and forests led him to discover his fondness in scenery and the constant sense of emptiness becoming difficult to ignore. His newly found obsession with nature was enough to convince himself to start trekking, particularly mountains. Strange enough, he found the solitary in mountain peaks, of the scenery, and the cold climate in summits.  He found a temporary peace in the closest place to heaven from the constant ache that each of his bizarre dreams left his heart bruising.

It was not only his dreams that he finds peculiar. Although his mother had reminded him numerous times that it was his adolescent self who developed a liking to tattoos, he didn’t know what occurred to him in his teens to consider inking his body with unrecognizable symbols that even with a brief searching in google couldn't provide him what the underlying significance each mark carries.

Few minutes later, he found himself stopping at the same spot where he had taken his time admiring the tree. He didn’t know how it happened when he was only following the remnants of the collective footpath on the ground. If he perceived the situation odd, he didn’t acknowledge it until the third time he came back on the same spot, same view.

The fact that he’s always has this great sense of remembering directions whether it be in the road or in mountains, makes the situation even weirder. For the nth time, he took a glance at his wristwatch. A groan resonated through the eerie silence in the midst of the forest. He’s been walking in circles for almost two hours now.

The group might have been halfway through the summit at this point. The trail takes about 4-5 hours and he’s far behind them now. With a heavy heart, he decided to return back to the foothill.

The sun is at its highest peak above the sky, amplifying the dryness of his mouth from the heat of noon. Yet, he couldn’t bring himself to drink the remaining content in his flask.

The gust of wind brought by the monsoon is somehow mixing up his sense of direction. Some may find it strange, but he could feel the presence of wind oddly stronger than other human beings. Out of the ordinary, he could sense where the wind came from just by the mere blow of breeze passed his skin. Right now, he couldn’t put his extraordinary ability into good use because even with his attempt to go back down, he keeps returning to the same location.

Jungkook is lost. Somewhat, he’s trapped.

Now more than ever, he’s almost convinced some being invisible to the naked eye is playing him around. Jungkook lowered his rucksack on the ground, and started pacing back and forth as he tried to figure out how he’ll reverse the imaginary spell.

Even with the time passing by, the fireflies remained there, swimming around the trunk like they own it. If he’s trapped, someone or something might be responsible for this. Whether or not these stupid supernatural creatures are true, he needs to get out of here.

His foot stopped mid-step and fixated his glare at the old tree. What else would prove the peculiarity of the situation other than the mythical personified before his eyes.

“Come on, take back whatever spell you’ve casted on me. I’m not gonna destroy your home. This is an order, you devious creature.” Jungkook reprimands sarcastically as if the poor, ginormous tree can understand him in the human language.

There was nothing significantly remarkable about it if not only for the fairy dust-like glimmers surrounding it.

However, to his surprise, he suddenly hears the rustles of the leaves and cracks of branches echo through the stillness in the air as they pliantly bend over. He could feel the shiver run through his spine as he gathered what was happening to the tree. It is bending, its crown slightly crouched in front of him as if it was bowing down.

Jungkook staggers back in utter astonishment.

What the fuck is this sorcery? Is he dreaming?

He blinks furiously, trying to deduce the realness of the scene in front of him.

Soon after, he felt another surge of force-like brush of the wind against his skin, kindling tingles and goosebumps to appear on his skin. Dust swirls like a whirlpool in the air as weightless dead leaves harshly dance above the ground before they fall back down. To make things more incredulously mad, out of nowhere, a blinding form comes into sight near the trunk.

As its gleam dies down, the next thing his eyes have captured is the most enchanting being he has ever seen in his life.

A goddess.

She leans forward, her shimmering palm rubbing up and down on the rough texture of the trunk, as if the bewitching creature is consoling the seemingly submissive native species. Whether or not the goddess is upraising its spirit, he couldn’t be sure.

In quiet amazement, he watches the beauty just a few meters away from him while his presence remains hidden. Long silky hair in beautiful waves flowing with its end touching her lower back. It’s shade resembles that of the dead leaves with seemingly fresh petals and leaves decorated as accessories on her hair. Almost brandishing her as a forest goddess. With her side facing his front, Jungkook could clearly see the swell of her breasts with her thick locks keeping her peaks hidden like an enthusing mystery.

As if abiding by whatever the goddess had said, the crouched tree slowly returns back to its natural form. And just as the goddess turns her back at him, ready to vanish into the thin air, he scurried forward.

“Wait!” Jungkook shouts, hurriedly calling their attention despite hardly recovering from the peculiarity of the scene in front of him.

You only responded with a side glance, just enough to see him in your peripheral vision.

Jungkook took it as his cue to garner more of your attention, “You’re a goddess?” He says with his tone clearly filled in awe.

As if his naive question took you by surprise, you whirled around. When you did, it was like there was an invisible electrifying sensation that struck him the moment your eyes landed on him. The tremor of sparks immediately radiating in his body.

She’s such an exquisite sight, Jungkook gawked. Cting you as his example, none of the illustrations he’d seen on the internet had given justice just how beautiful goddesses are in real life. In real life! 

When you spoke for the first time since you appeared in his vision, he was quickly snapped out of daze.

“You can see me? How… you mortals do not have the ability to see us.” You say breathlessly, bewildered to have met the eyes of a mortal for the first time since time immemorial. No living mortal can and will see you, unless you have opted to be seen.

Jungkook’s mouth parted. You said no affirmation. Yet, the way you addressed him as a mortal only meant one thing.

“You’re really a goddess!” He exclaims, still stunned.

“Go back to the land. The fairies will guide you the way.” You said with a simple directness, having no intention to unravel the mystery of his identity and why he seemed to carry power in him. Just as you uttered those words, the fairies appeared from the crown of the tree.

“No, wait! I’m not gonna leave until you answer my questions.”

Your head shook and with firm persistence, you say, “I am no guardian of a mortal like you. Leave the mountain before another fairy casts a spell on you. If that happens, you will never return to your home.”

Jungkook held his arms out. “I’m not here to harm anyone or anything.”

As the wind continues to swirl around the two of you, the long locks of your hair resting over your chest continue to sway pliantly in the wind’s direction.

At some point, Jungkook caught a vaguely familiar mark decorated on your skin just below your shoulder blade. On the same spot of one of his marks which mirrors yours.

“I am the guardian of this shelter and supernatural beings that live here. I cannot fill your curiosity nor have the power to keep you safe against them.”

Jungkook could perfectly hear you, but his focus had zeroed in to your shoulder. To see the exact resemblance of his mark on yours is a different story. You’re wrong, definitely wrong because you are the answer to his dreams.

Jungkook suddenly peels off his waterproof jacket while dragging his feet toward your direction.

The swell of your breasts entice him almost too painfully that his cock twitches from the mere sight of your glowing skin in complete nudity. As if they were inviting his palms to touch them. And even with your orbs glinting with subtle surprise, your face remained expressionless.

Why, he finds it fascinating. You have bewitched him!

Your confusion only lasted for a couple seconds until the last layer of fabric was taken off of his upper body. But it was replaced by a thunder striking discovery, gasping as your eyes landed on the flesh-colored, slit-like scar on his chest similar to that of the Deity’s symbol. Lightning bolt.

Jungkook met your eyes, thinking you’ve already recognized the identical marking on his skin.

When he parts his mouth to speak, you beat him to it.

“You’re not a mortal.” You revealed, still astounded.

“W-What?” Jungkook stopped in his tracks.

It couldn’t possibly be. The children of the Supreme Deity are no mortals. The God of the sea, the Ruler of the stars and moon, the Owner of the soon, the twin Gods of love and beauty, the Prince of the earth and the deity’s successor, and the missing guardian of the wind have no mortal blood. That you’re certain of. But the missing god... does it mean he’s the missing guardian of the wind?

Your gaze sifts through the generous amount of inks on his arms where the secrets of his power lie beneath the layer of the markings. The God of love have revealed this to you once several years when you dared question the reason why his body is decorated of inks, unlike other gods you have seen.

When your eyes shifted upward to his shoulder blade, you felt your heart tightens in an almost unbearable grip for the first time since the Deity has cursed you.

“Soulmate,” you reveal for the second time.

Jungkook’s eyes went round. “S-Soulmate?” He stutters.

You reach out and touch the ink of your bond on his skin. And just like that, Jungkook visibly shudders at the minimal contact.

Your eyes glossy from moisture. “I’ve been waiting for you.” You confessed.

He took one bold step forward, cupping your elegant face in his palms.

“Heavens, you’re so beautiful. How could I possibly believe that I’m rewarded with a soulmate like you? Tell me, I’m not dreaming.” He says with wonder glinting in his eyes.

He inches his face closer until your noses are touching. “If I only knew you’re waiting for me, I should’ve come here sooner when I began having those weird dreams. Fuck, let me kiss you, princess.” He groans, unable to wrap his head around with the revelation. He still has yet to ask what you meant when you said he’s not a mortal, but right now, he doesn’t care what his true identity is.

He needs to taste you.

And so he did, capturing your mouth in a flash, and taking your breath away as he pushes his tongue into the caverns of your mouth.

“So sweet,” he murmurs against your mouth. “You taste so sweet, princess.”

But the moment was cut short as he felt a searing pain in his chest. He jerks back as his body contorts in agony.

Jungkook hisses as the pain all too quickly rushes in his blood, the sensation numbing his entire body. With his eyes clenched tightly shut, he failed to witness the glow beginning to exude from each ink on his arms, the most vibrant glimmer coming from the mark on his chest that symbolizes his birthright.

His power is trying to rouse back through his mortal senses. Your glimmering fingers cautiously graze the bond on his skin, exploring the effect of your touch to him. 

The tingles that radiate through his veins left him whimpering and wanting more, more of it to distract him from the unbearable ache.

“Please touch me…” He writhes, sharply drawing a breath in and out.

You lower your head and let your mouth touch the bond. A ripple of tingles slither through him almost instantly, involuntarily making him shiver from the newfound sensation. He could feel the rush of blood going straight to his cock inside his pants. He needs more.

As if you heard his silent pleas, your tongue darts out of your mouth, swirling around the spot to soothe his aches. Jungkook’s hands curl over your back, closing the distance between your bodies, leaving no way for him to not feel your breasts on his chest. In daze, he looked heavenward, mouth parted back as gasps proceeded to stumble out of his mouth deliriously. With the pain drowned by the pleasure that your sensual licks carry, he tears your mouth off of his skin just to crash his mouth to yours in a searing kiss.

He lets his instincts rule him out, and there’s one thing he wants more than anything else than to permanently mark your body his, to seal the bond that will eternally link your souls together.

“I need you so much, Princess. Tell me you want this, too. Otherwise I’ll leave and will never bother you, again.” He says in a whisper against the corner of your mouth.

The harmless threat of his words stirs alarm in you, giving him the answer he wants to hear almost instantaneously. “I’m yours, please have me. Do as you wish to my body.”

He groans, loving the way you call him yours. “Jungkook,” he whispers against the plump skin of your glowing cheek, “Say it. Say my name, Princess.” He demands softly.

“Jungkook,” you utter breathlessly.

His chest vibrated as the growl rang through the emptiness of the forest. “Fuck, you’re so perfect, my goddess.”

Jungkook sweeps you off in his arms, and with a few, calculated steps, he laid you over his thrown jacket on the ground. Another groan tears out of him just as he parted your legs, with your bare, leaking center exposed right before his hooded eyes.

Unceremoniously, he braced himself on top of you, sucking the raven mark on your skin. His fully aroused member is freed with a pop of his button and a one forceful pull of the waistband of his trousers.

He wasted no more passing second and impulsively align the red tip of his mad cock on your entrance. With a calculated thrust of his hips, he sinks his member to your warm tightness, releasing a heavy sigh in relief as the heat of your hole equally envelops all throughout his body despite the chills brought by the gust of the wind.

Jungkook catches one of your peaks with his mouth as you get lost to the heat of the intimacy. He didn’t know if goddesses such as his enchanting soulmate can conceive like mortals do or if there are other methods to reproduce but it’s never a waste of his fluid to try and test the theory. After all, if your words bear truth, he may not be a human like what he actually thought he was.

Your heavenly mewls coax him to penetrate in you deeper, until your cries have intensified and your body writhes helplessly beneath him.

With each roll of his hips colliding against your pelvis, your delightful cries have become more profound, unrestrained, enough to flare warmth right straight to his abdomen. Jungkook rests his forehead just below your temple, murmuring sweet confessions to you, the owner of his soul and inevitably soon, his heart.

He guided your legs around his waist, giving him the access to ruthlessly pound into you deeper. And then something snaps out from him.

All the gentleness of his movements have evolved into something more carnal—feral, manifesting the strength of his true nature.

God of the wind, son of the Supreme Deity. The longer his body connects with your immortal form, the luminescence emitting on his skin becoming more vivid.

“Jungkook!” Another scream tears out of you. Tears cascading from your eyes from both pain and pleasure.

With his godly powers spurring during the intimate joining of your bodies, his strength turns more powerful that no human would possibly ever survive from. You could never match the godliness of a deity’s son, but your supernatural strength was able to neutralize the surge of his energy and entwines the intensity with yours.

The God of the wind continues to rock you closer and closer to the end, with the thought of his future with you, you carrying his children, you and no one else.

He senses the buildup tension in your stomach with your head tossing restlessly from side to side.

And in a suck of your bond with his mouth and a flick of your bud in your center, you exploded so powerfully around his cock. Jungkook chases his end while the rush of your euphoria continues to spark in your veins, giving your body an exceptional glow.

He reaches the peak of pleasure with an animalistic growl reverberating on his chest, locking your hips immobile to make sure your walls greedily take in every drop of his cum. He’d want to breed you with his children.

“My sweet goddess, you’re amazing.” He praises, nuzzling on the thick, wavy locks of your hair.

Jungkook didn’t miss the squeeze of your palm on his waist. He let your wandering hands trace the length of his body. But he pulls away when you spoke.

“Will you leave me after this?” There is sadness hinted at the tone of your voice.

He tilted your chin up with his fingers, studying your features. “Of course not, how can you say that?”

You smile weakly, the grief dancing in your eyes making his chest tightens. “I’m not as powerful as you are. You are the son of the deity, you can… reject our bond and choose any goddess as you wish. Whereas, I only have one eternal soulmate and that’s you. But…”

Even with the truth unraveling right before him, he could only focus on your grief. Why is someone as perfect as you hold so much moroseness in your heart?

“But?”

“This mountain is my world. I’m eternally cursed to guard this shelter.” Your lips quiver in fear. His thumb grazes your lower lip as his arm tightens over your back. The tale told by the chieftain crosses his mind. The cursed guardian is you.

“Oh princess, do you think anything else will convince me to live without you in my life? I’ll be wherever you need me to be. Goddess or not, I will never let you out of my sight forever.” He vows, sealing the promise of eternity with a power-clashing kiss.

mintseesaw © 2020

[turinn]

Naive

Ray Blackwell x M!Reader

Summary: An invitation at a party reveals that Luka had no idea you’re gay, and brings up a concern you hadn’t had before. Tags: Crack, fluff, secret relationship, mention of homophobia, alcohol consumption A/N: This is based on a dream I had where Luka and I had this exact conversation and when I woke up and remembered it I nearly threw up laughing. I did actual research for the girls outfit and hair bc im a fashion history nerd. the pocket watch i just thought was cute. Fenrir calls the reader fruity but its okay bc hes gay too god bless Word Count: 1.5k

The party was the usual affair expected of the Godspeed's, an air of elegance- present but not too overbearing- hanging over the large hall. Music drifted gently to your ears as you took everything in, a small smile settling on your face.

You couldn't help but feel a little underdressed. The officers had, of course, kept their uniforms on, but everyone else present was dressed to the nines. You'd thought the suit you wore was lovely when you and Seth had seen it last week, dark blue with a white trim, paired with a pale cyan tie and pocket square. The gold watch that settled comfortably in your pocket had been a gift from Blanc, supposedly made by Oliver to look similar to his own, to commemorate your decision to stay in Cradle. Compared to everyone else, it felt rather simple now, but you pushed the thought aside. Nobody was judging what you were wearing, they were here to enjoy themselves same as you.

"Would you like a drink?" Ray asked, voice soft enough not to startle you too much. This wasn't too effective, as you'd gotten lost in your thoughts, and sort of forgotten there were people around you, but it was kind of him to try. "Oh, yes, please." You smiled at him and a moment later he'd walked off, talking to Sirius about something, leaving you alone with Luka. Fenrir had disappeared to greet his family when you'd first arrived, and Seth was who knows where, but you didn't mind it being just the two of you. Luka rarely came to these, in fact this was the first he'd been to since you'd arrived in Cradle, despite it being your fifth, and you decided someone should stick with him so he didn't feel quite as nervous.

As you turned to say something to him, you noticed a lady making her way over to the both of you, looking rather flustered. Her fists were clenched at her sides, and she seemed to be muttering something to herself, but it was clear she had intent to speak to one of you. Perhaps she wanted to talk to Luka? He was cute, it wouldn't surprise you. What did surprise you, however, was when she walked up to you instead.

"Um, excuse me if this is far too forward, but... would you be interested in dancing with me?" She sounded so nervous, and you almost wanted to say yes. Any other man would have been lucky to get such an invitation- she looked stunning. She wore her hair in curls, gathered at the back of her neck, with a hairpiece of pale blue flowers was pinned at the front, a necklace donning the same type of flower hanging just above the neckline of her gown. The gown in question matched the colour of the flowers well, though the width of the crinoline supported skirt would have made you concerned about the logistics of dancing with her- if you'd had any intention of saying yes. Her cheeks were tinted pink as she chewed her bottom lip and waited for your answer, avoiding your gaze. A hand on your chest and a sincerely apologetic look on your face, you began to respond. "Oh dear. I'm terribly sorry, but you seem to have gotten the wrong end of the stick. You're a very attractive young lady but I'm afraid... how should I put this," You glanced at Luka for help, but he seemed to have no idea what you were trying to tell her, "I'm afraid I don't tend to set my eye on the ladies, so to speak." "You're... gay?" A sympathetic nod. "That's the ticket. Sorry, love." "Oh, it's not a problem! I'm really sorry to have bothered you!" She suddenly looked much less nervous, though a little embarrassed, and scurried off. You sighed. "I feel a little bad. I really hope she finds someone to dance with." Luka looked at you quizzically. "Why did you lie to her?" A confused laugh escaped you. "I'm sorry?" "You told her you were into guys. Why lie?" As he said this, Seth and Fenrir came up behind him, and hearing his question their eyebrows shot up. So did yours. Was he kidding? "Luka, sweetie, you have got to tell me what part of my personality made you think I was heterosexual, so I can set about changing it immediately." Seth choked on his drink, and though you flashed him a grin, you weren't entirely kidding. Going from Victorian London to a world where being gay was perfectly acceptable had been quite the change, but you'd been certain all of your friends had known. It's not like you were quiet about it, and sure, Luka was naive but... come on, now. "Wait are you... you were being honest?" "Yes?" "Luka," Fenrir began, stepping next to you and resting an elbow on your shoulder, "How have you seriously not noticed that he's gay yet?" "Well- there was no reason for me to assume!" "You watched me drunk make out with at least 2 different Black Army soldiers in my first month here!" Luka looked flustered, and utterly dumbfounded. The expression was one he wore often, usually when people insinuated that someone was in love- but somehow about five times more confused. He was unfortunate enough that Ray and Sirius returned at this moment, just in time to hear both your last remark, and his next one.

"I thought that was just something you did when you were drunk?" In another moment you were on your knees, legs shaking so much from laughter that you couldn't hold yourself up any longer. Fenrir was right there beside you, practically convulsing. Everyone else was laughing too- except poor Luka. You felt a little bad, truly you did, but this had to be the funniest thing you had ever heard. "He's completely straight, but watch out! Get a couple drinks in him and he turns fruity!" Fenrir managed to get out between cackles, and Ray was glad to have put your drinks down when Luka had last spoken, because he too nearly fell to the ground at this.

"Luka- Luka I'm sorry." You pulled yourself to your feet, wrapping an arm around his shoulders. "We aren't laughing at you." Another fit of giggles overcame you. "Okay we kind of are, but it's not malicious or anything. That was just... hands down the funniest thing you've ever said." It took most of you 5 or so minutes to fully calm down from what he'd said, and anything that jogged your memories of it would bring you back to a state of uncontrollable laughter for the rest of the night. Luka came round to it being pretty funny after you talked him through the dozens of times you'd mentioned your sexuality to him since you'd met- every one of which had gone over his head.

Hours after the party had worn down and you'd all made your way home, you lay in bed, your head pressed against a familiar chest, and sighed. "What's up?" "I just... D'you think anyone else just hasn't realised?" Ray cocked his head, confused. "I'm gonna need a little more info than that, kitten." "I suppose I just... Back in London, it's not even legal to be gay, and I don't know if it ever will be. When I first came out to Fen, he told me that it was fine here, accepted and even celebrated. So, I guess I just thought that people wouldn't make the automatic assumption that I'm straight, y'know? I mean I talk about it a lot among you guys but- when I’m out and about... where do people think my final destination is? When I pick up a silly cat themed gift for you does the shopkeep think I’m buying it for my wife? It shouldn't be a big deal, I guess, but I'd never been able to be myself until I came here, and now it's like I can be me but... people will still only see who I am if I tell them. It's just weird is all. I dunno. Maybe I'm drunk." "You're not drunk. It's an understandable concern. I guess I've never thought about it, because whether or not people would accept that part of me has never been an issue, but the fact that you've had to hide it for so long and now that you're able to be open people still aren't seeing it must be hard. If you want we could... come out, so to speak?" Your eyebrows raised, and you moved back, propping yourself up on your arm so you could look your partner in the eyes.

It had been decided at the very start of your relationship, which had officially begun a few months after you'd made the choice to stay in Cradle, that the two of you would keep it under wraps for a while. Being from the Land of Reason was more than enough reason for people to take an unwanted interest in you, and you didn't need the extra attention being the King of Spades' partner would garner. Plus, anyone with a grudge against Ray would see you as a target the second you announced it. It had been a sensible suggestion on his part, one you hadn't hesitated to agree to, and as far as you knew only Sirius and Fenrir knew about your relationship. Fenrir because he had walked in on you sitting in Ray's lap while he worked late one night, and Sirius because- well, can anything get past that guy? And now, Ray was offering to tell the entirety of Cradle you were his, just so that you didn't feel like you were hiding your identity anymore? You could feel your eyes starting to burn, and you cursed the late hour and the alcohol in your system for making you cry so easily, but... "I don't think we need to be that drastic. You were right when you said it would keep me safe for us to not be in the public eye, at least for now. I'm sure Seth can come up with some better way for me to tell the whole world I'm gay." "I don't doubt that at all." Ray grinned, placing a gentle kiss on first your forehead, then your nose, and finally on your lips. "Tomorrow, though. You need your beauty sleep." "Ah, yeah, can't risk getting ugly. My boyfriend might not want me anymore." You quipped. "Exactly." He smirked at you, turning out the light and pulling you into his arms.

[verobatto]

Destiel Chronicles

(Vol. XII)

It was a love story from the very beginning.

First date Illusion for a broken man

(5x03//5x10//5x11//5x13//5x14)

Hello Friends! I'm here again with another volume from my Destiel Chronicles.

In this meta I'm gonna trace a parallel between 5x03 "Free to be you and me" and 5x13 "My bloody Valentine."

I want to say thank you to my friend @agusvedder who made the gifs for this meta! You are amazing, girl!

Now, let's start this...

First hunting date

When Dean and Cas went on their first hunt together, it was like a first date, and as we saw in 5x03 "Free to be you and me", Dean really enjoyed being Castiel's partner and hunt with CAS.

Trying to teach him human's stuffs, giving him advices, and even going out to a brothel with him was so fun, that he admitted he was happy with him, as he wasn't in a long time.

Yes... Seeing Castiel having a bad time was funny too, he was discovering being around the angel was exquisitely entertained. He had tried made him mad, and locking him with pop culture, and now watching him so nervous was delicious.

That had been a great first date, he even tried to seduce him by flirting... But Cas was such a cute clueless angel...

But I'm a broken man

Coming back to 5x10 "Abandon all hope", Jo gets hurt bc she saved Dean from the hellhounds. And she dies later with her mother Hellen.

Dean let the guilt to consume him again, and we had, immediately after that episode, 5x11 "Sam interrupted", in which we saw Dr. Cartwright, as a construction/illusion, from Dean's mind to question himself about the mission, about his duties. The program he had in his head as THE BIG PROTECTOR and the FIRST BORN. The mission to protect everyone to any cost, even his life. He was questioning that because he felt Jo and Hellen had died for him. And that was too painful.

The first time Dr. Cartwright appeared, she asked Dean about his father, but the second time... He asked about the Mission Heritage.

DR. CARTWRIGHT: Why you?

DEAN: Why me, what?

DR. CARTWRIGHT: Why do you have to hunt monsters? Why not let someone else do it?

DEAN: (shrugs, smiles) Can't find anybody else that dumb. (thinks for a moment) It's my job. Somebody's gotta save people's asses, yours included.

Here is Dean asking himself why he has to do this. Why he has to hunt and keep saving people. And he answers himself. IT'S MY JOB. IT'S MY DUTY. BECAUSE I'M AN OBEDIENT SON. I'M A GOOD SON.

Then this...

DR. CARTWRIGHT: So, is there a quota? How many people do you have to save?

DEAN: All of them.

DR. CARTWRIGHT: All of them? You think you have to save everyone?

DEAN: Yep. Whole wide world of sports.

Dean has to save and protect anyone. So... Why he couldn't protect Jo and Hellen? That's the huge guilt that is now on his shoulders... But this didn't end there... When the Doctor asked how he would protect and save everyone, he said...

DEAN: It's the end of the world, okay? I mean, it's a damn Biblical apocalypse, and if I don't stop it and save everyone, then no one will, and we all die.

DR. CARTWRIGHT: That's horrible.

DEAN: Yeah, tell me about it.

DR. CARTWRIGHT: I mean, apocalypse or no apocalypse...monsters or no monsters, that's a crushing weight to have on your shoulders. To feel like six billion lives depend on you...God...how do you get up in the morning?

DEAN stares contemplatively for a moment.

DEAN: That's a good question.

How can Dean avoid all of this and wake up in the morning? He can't... He is carrying with it the whole journey... As we will see in the following scene.

Free will is an illusion

In episode 5x13 "The song remains the same", Dean talks with Michael!John, and that was one of the huge points that settled the Dean's despair that will lead him to say Yes to Michael and I will talking about that in the next volume, I just wanted to point here this phrase from the Archangel...

MICHAEL: You're my true vessel but not my only one.

DEAN: What is that supposed to mean?

MICHAEL: It's a bloodline.

DEAN: A bloodline?

MICHAEL: Stretching back to Cain and Abel. It's in your blood, your father's blood, your family's blood.

Michael is announcing everything is part of a plan, everything was constructed with a reason and with a destiny.

MICHAEL: You know, my brother, I practically raised him. I took care of him in a way most people could never understand, and I still love him. But I am going to kill him because it is right and I have to.

DEAN: Oh, because God says so?

MICHAEL: Yes. From the beginning, he knew this was how it was going to end.

DEAN: And you're just gonna do whatever God says.

MICHAEL: Yes, because I am a good son.

DEAN: Okay, well, trust me, pal. Take it from someone who knows—that is a dead-end street.

Michael is the good son, the obedient, as Dean is. This similitude is traced intentionally, and is one more proof that reveals everything was written to be like this. Even Mary and John were made for each other by design of God.

This lasts words from Michael will stay in Dean and will be part of the following events I will analyze in the next volume, will show us why he was about to quit to his free will.

Tryin to remember that first date when I was happy with you...

So, after these two things that happened to Dean, after questioning his duties, Famine arrives to the town on 5x14 "My bloody Valentine". And is Saint Valentine's day... But Dean was so broken and sad, that he didn't want to celebrate as always...

They start to investigate in the Morgue, and when they found enochian in one of the victims, they decided to call Castiel... And this classic Destiel scene happened...

Again he has this dorky angel in front of him, and is incredible he is doing that. But Dean and Cas are looking at each other's eyes again, with that intensity the hunter is use to by now... But is not less captivated.

And then, when CAS is explaining the boys about Cupid, Dean made a joke again...

DEAN: You mean the little flying fat kid in diapers?

CASTIEL: They're not incontinent.

SAM: Okay, anyway. So, what you're saying--

CASTIEL: What I'm saying is a Cupid has gone rogue and we have to stop him--before he kills again.

Castiel got a little anxious here, and Dean enjoys this. He enjoys this as he enjoyed putting him nervous that time in the brothel. He enjoys seeing Castiel mad too.

With all the things that happened to Dean, sad things, seeing Cas and... As we could see later on this episode, hunting alone with him, it reminds him that first date/hunt they had, when he was happy. When he enjoyed Castiel's company. So yes. Dean wasn't interested in food, in sex, in celebrating Valentine's day, he didn't feel Famine influence on him... The only thing/person that caught his attention was this dorky angel again. Because with him he had a good time. And now, admiring him and looking at him that way, checking him, he was trying to enjoy Castiel's company. (Even if people could say this was a cockles scene... The writers and the producers let the thing in the episode for one narrative reason.)

That's one deep, dark nothing Dean got there.

When Castiel realized Dean was the only one not having symptoms with Famine on town, he get curious.

CASTIEL: (...) What I don't understand is...where is your hunger, Dean?

DEAN: Huh?

CASTIEL: Well, slowly but surely, everyone in this town is falling prey to Famine, but so far, you seem unaffected.

But the truth was, the big hole Dean's had inside and Famine saw...

As I analyzed in my meta "Let's make a tour inside Dean's soul", that hole, that nothing, will be filled with love, family love and romantic love. But now, Dean is feeling empty, dead.

To conclude:

Jo and Hellen's deaths incremented the guilt inside Dean, he questioned his whole mission as the Big Protector.

The first date/hunt Dean and Cas had in 5x03, is a very nice memory for Dean, because he was happy and having a good time with CAS there.

In 5x14 "My bloody Valentine", the only thing/person Dean showed interest was Castiel, going to a hunt with him again and seeing him acting like the weird, dorky, little guy he is, should brought Dean good memories from their first hunt together.

The emptyness Dean have inside, pointed by Famine, is one another huge point for the following events, and later will be filled with Love.

I hope you like this!! C-u in the next volume!

Tagging @metafest @gneisscastiel @mrsaquaman187 @magnificent-winged-beast @emblue-sparks @weirddorkylittlediana @michyribeiro @castiellover20 @whyjm @koshisekisen @legendary-destiel @a-bit-of-influence @thatwitchydestielfan @misha-moose-dean-burger-lover @lykanyouko @evvvissticante @cheerstofandomfamily @drsilverfish @savannadarkbaby @angelneedshunter @trickster-archangel @dea-stiel @poorreputation @bre95611 @thewolfatmydoor @charlottemanchmal @neii3n @deathswaywardson @followyourenergy @dean-is-bi-till-i-die @hekatelilith-blog @avidbkwrm @anarchiana @mishka-the-angel-of-saturday @dickpuncher365 @vampyrosa @hippyatheart80 @xsghn @foxyroxe-art @authorsararayne @anonymoustitans @mybonsai1976 @love-neve-dies @wildligia @dustythewind @wayward-winchester67 @angelwithashotgunandtrenchcoat @trashblackrainbow @deeutdutdutdoh

If you want to be tagged in the Destiel Chronicles, please let me know.

Links to previous volumes: VIII / IX / X / XI

Buenos Aires May 23rd 2019 1:21 AM

[luvdsc]

i actually just signed up for classes today and i got pretty much all the courses i wanted 🥳 i am looking forward to econ and art the most!

i was so so sad i couldn’t catch dpr’s set 😔 god la traffic is always so bad for what and i was looking forward to keshi as well but idk i was just so underwhelmed by the songs he played?? like i still enjoyed it but i think i was just disappointed bc i was hoping he’d play a song from his skeletons ep . speaking of hitc was the second time i got to see keshi live which was so surreal. that being said i’m really happy he’s getting sm more recognition he’s representing and making us viets proud!!! how close were u to the stages? i was more in the back in the first day BUT that kinda made illenium more enjoyable and i was close enough 2nd day i didn’t need to zoom in as much for joji :’)

literally not even a week after hitc i went to another concert akskdkdkf ok but this one was just absolutely insane and a completely different experience from the other shows i have ever been to since it was for a super popular rapper KAKSKDKDF me and my best friend were a double miniority being asian and girls surrounded by a bunch of non asian boys with a ton of sweat and bo 😭😭 i still had lots of fun tho like after i got out of the pit barricade and moshed outside of it. but out of all the concerts i’ve ever gone to seeing keshi back in 2019 is still the best by far i got to meet him and the opening acts take a pic w them AND one of them signed vans hehe i still have them til this day

my birthday was yesterday omg hehe me and my friends celebrated by eating out and i finally satisfied by xiao long bao cravings 🤩 we also went and got piercings too and crazy but it also happened to be my piercer’s birthday that day too 😳idk i’m an adult now but i also dont feel it kakskdkdkff

i agree with you about the all too well mv being unsettling esp when dylan and sadie were making out i was like ummmm UMMMM LMAKSKSF but ik it was done on purpose to make us uncomfortable which honestly really worked. as basic (maybe??? i am not sure tbh) as it may sound my favorites songs on red have always been red and everything has changed 😸 and its still true to now. ok i am not a fan of ed or his music at all but that song he did with taylor was just too cute especially when you watch the mv and ofc we are adding message in a bottle to it now as well into my favorites 👍 which album are you excited for to be re-recorded next? personally i am looking forward to speak now because ik im going to cry to the new ver of last kiss and back to december 🥲 - 💐 anon

aaaa omg congrats on getting all the courses you wanted, honey bee !!!! 💘 which econ are you focusing on? :o macro, micro, international, or another type? and omg art !!! what art will you be doing, sweetpea? 💞

omg i missed half of dpr because my flight kept getting delayed and eventually canceled so i had to rebook a new flight right then and there and couldn't get there in time 😭 they were sooo good live tho and i hope they come back next year 🧎🏻‍♀️ also yes, keshi was a bit underwhelming plus with the whole mic issue /: but i am over the moon that i actually got to see him perform live !!!!!! i love love love his music so much, and it felt like a dream to see him 🤧 and YES omg i'm glad he's getting more recognition and heck yea for the fellow viet pride !!! 💛 i was in the middle ! like not in the back but not very close to the front either so i still had to zoom in with my cam rip but it was sooo much fun 💓

oooo omg who did you go to see? oh god, the BO and sweat in raves and mosh pits 💀💀 it's unbelievable and i'm so glad we wear masks at concerts now. i'm glad you had a good time though, lovebug !! 🌸 NO WAY OMG YOU MET HIM ?? WHO WERE THE OPENING ACTS? AND THEY SIGNED YOUR VANS asdfhalksjda you're living the true concert experience 🤩🤩🤩

aaaa i'm so sad i missed it, this is long overdue, but happy (belated) bday, honey bee 💖💖 xiao long bao sounds so good aaaa i really wanna get some now 🤧 and omg new piercings !!!! which piercing(s) did you get? congratulations on being an adult now, lovebug 🥳🥳💜

YES oh my god when they made out i was like .... this should be illegal 😬😬 but yes she definitely proved her point with the casting and their acting. red and everything has changed are both so good !!!!! omg yes the everything has changed mv 🥺🥺 the little versions of themselves are so cute and that mv makes me smile :') yessss omg i hear message in a bottle playing on the radio in the car nowadays too, and it makes me so happy 🥰 i'm also looking forward to speak now !!!! YES omg last kiss hits so hard, and i also really love ours 🥺💗💗 i'm also hoping crazier will be added to her rerecording for speak now 🤧 also enchanted and long live ✨✨

how have you been doing, sweetpea? are you celebrating the holidays? are you doing anything fun for nye? 💕