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kdipshit · 2 years ago

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Balance

Im Finna go get that bag yuuuhhhhhh, so I got my job back holy shit who else is surprised?? Me lol, they said no stuff ups aloud lol, attendance has to be onnnn, its gonna be super easy though because I’m working with my mum who’s got make sure we get to work on time everyday lol, we get along so much better these days so its going to be FUN I loveeeee it already. Not gonna lie the anxiety and all the thoughts that I had when I first left a month ago, and I was scared I wouldn’t be able to show attendance… but like I’ve been doing, I’ve been showing up for MYSELF every single day, why not this swell? Literally why not? I have my goals in my mind, and I probably won’t even work here that long before I can sit comfortably on journalism and my path going this way. Its just that when I started thinking about it I started to feel it, and it wasn’t a good feeling, but now that we know feelings come from thoughts, and we can choose our thoughts, its become a lot easier to adjust to the perspective. I choose the most positive one every time, its a choice, if I did nothing I would go no where, but stay in my thought trapped brain, instead of living in my beautiful life. I choose to live every time.

I feel much better now that I’ve taken my morning meds lol, thank you for all the problems I didn’t have to face. There Is a version of myself in my head that I haven’t heard for a while, I’m very loud but blunt, cut throat and quick. Very much wanting to come forward, I’m trying to keep positive though.

The sweetness of doing nothing.

When I’m triggered and it turns to irritation and anger, it’s like I’m pacing back and forth in my head wondering why someone would do this harm to me, immediate victim complex. I feel stuck still, unable to move, usually scrolling vigorously is the only thing that can keep me calm and level headed, so I just did that but it’s so irritating holy fuck. I just don’t like being yelled at and i can just see a system going on like my dad yelled at me coz he thought I didn’t do something because when he walked in my mum was doing it AGAIN, and I was like no I did it lol, and then I still get screamed at and made feel like shit and it’s not like my mum would be on my side and say ‘no I’m just doing it again because we’re about to have visitors’ and she’s crazy fkn ODC but whatever. It’s my fault, and now I leave everything for my mum to just do herself apparently, walking around saying ‘ugh I’ll just do it myself’ like what do you mean I’ve been doing the house all morning the house was not a mess when you walked in, you didn’t complain about a messy house you just did what you always do and clean bc your anxious. I’m on the verge of tears bc of this shit holy fuck man, I’ve got a whole ass frog in my throat over some silly ass trigger, it’s so stupid. The feeling I feel when I’m getting attacked by my parents is ummmm….. I don’t know. Lol. It’s like I’m 16 again with no rights lol. I know it’s something so small, but it effects me, but because it effects only me, I should only really be dealing with these issues by myself, so I never let it out towards them and I keep it chill on the outside, but that causes me to freeze. So now I need to figure out a way to deal with it without taking it out on myself and feeling the guilt and anxiety to an extreme, I guess the answer is to write ✍️ I guess the answer for everything lately has been to write, my mum is hoping that by me expressing my feelings and shit thru a blog might help someone else who is feeling so much alone.

I’m happy now, I have a full vape, a clean 50, and WORK tomorrow! I’m grateful I have been more open to phone calls, because that is what I can thank myself for being able to go to work tomorrow, I’m really excited, a lil anxious, maybe it’s just excitement, I’m ready, and I’m so excited for the other things this job is going to give me. As well as coming to the full acceptance of me being single for maybe the rest of my life, I’m excited to see my life in my career, in my study in my work. I’ve been love lead for my entire life, but my version of love is unobtainable, instead I can find ways to give it to myself, since I have the power of the source. I’m ready to get rich, or die trying.

i was so excited… coming back into the music world, to start writing again producing just fan having that feeling of making amazing shit that you really love like, I love that sahit, when I came to the not pad however my rhymes were so whack literally like I was blank. I just gotta keep that ball rolling coz this verse I’m tweaking now is fun good shit cuz, its diff weirdly, and thats all goods coz it sounds gangsta, and I love it.

The version of myself I want to step into, has her routine and positive attitude and goals and is sorted absolutely content and happy with the over flowing of money in my bank account, good coping mechanism and the space to relax and appreciate every single moment and what it ultimately brings me (my manifestations) I am it already, the independence , the growth, the knowledge.

I need balance other wise I get burnt out. By healing I’m hoping to get better and better every day, and I know there’s milestones in healing and those are what I’m trying to accomplish so I can live my most free life. Focus on the journey… not the outcome, okay, so that’s what I’m trying to do right now…… focus on the journey, not the outcome, have faith that the outcome will be the best outcome possible for my journey and I let it go into the universe, while I focus on the journey.

Do I just have to not scratch that itch to check if my ex messaged me? Is that literally all I need to do? Okay I guess :)

I have come to realise I need to balance my material and emotional lives, I’m unhinged, lol, I don’t think I actually am I just felt like that was the right word, so maybe I am right.

I sometimes think if someone else can’t do it for me, I can’t do it for myself either, is that a self worth issue? Or am I scared of being judged for doing something first? That way of thinking wastes so many opportunities and ways of life.

#blogging #new blog #mental health #actually bipolar #actually borderline #mental instability #actually bpd #original post #original writing #original words #bipolar

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chaoshomeschooler · 4 years ago

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1/26/2021

a personal note:

I did not get a n y studying done at all yesterday and I probably won’t get much done today. That’s bc my sleep schedule is insane right now - I was up til 4:30 cleaning my sewing room so I can finally start on commissions. For the record, it’s not my fault that it was a mess - my parents use it as a storage room so all their stuff was encroaching on mine.

I’ve been sleeping when I should be studying because I have to go to my more intense job after this. I think I’ll be able to watch a lecture before I have to leave tho. Since I’m gonna be so tired all day I think I’ll be able to get to sleep as soon as I get home from work - then my sleep schedule will be normal and I’ll be able to do school all day tomorrow.

It’s kind of nice that I have like 5 followers rn so I can keep using this blog for whatever crap like this until I can actually figure out what I’m doing. I do actually have a studying tips post in the works so that’s exciting. I’ve been considering making it a youtube video but I’m not so sure about showing my face.

stu-dna challenge day 26:

what’s the hardest decision you’ve ever had to make?

Letting go. I can’t give a specific instance but I remember there’s been several times in my life when I’ve had to let go of something or of a person or a dream. Especially when I was younger and I was even more confused about my future - I would get it stuck in my head and heart that I wanted to do One Specific Thing as my career for the rest of my life - one of those dreams was being a composer. My mom kept telling me that I wouldn’t make any money and that it wouldn’t work out. I honestly didn’t have any natural talent for it but for some reason I was convinced that I was going to make it and like be the next Hans Zimmer or something.

I actually got the opportunity to try my hand at composing around that time. I was taking some kind of online masterclass in composing (I was in like 6th or 7th or 8th grade and this was designed for adults) (also I’m pretty sure the class was a scam) but my library had a recording studio - so I went in there, having done relatively minimal research on how to use the DAW and having no one to help me. But damn it I locked myself in that room for several hours a week until I had finally managed to kind of make something. If I remember correctly it was like 16 bars? or 8? I just know it wasn’t any longer than 3 minutes. That whole process was one of the hardest things I’ve done - partially because I was tiny and had no skills and no idea what I was doing but also because I was so. freaking. depressed. I think my grandfather who I was super close with had died earlier that year and I was in a really deep depression until November.

But yeah so basically once that whole process was done I was so drained and I had less than no hope - like my hope was in the negative if that’s possible. But I still wanted to be a composer so so badly even though what I had just went through was like the worst thing ever. I remember when I was going through the process of realizing I h a d to give up my dream even though it was the last thing I wanted to let go of.

Looking back on it like, I’m obviously not going to be great at My Future Career TM in 8th grade so I could have just tabled the idea and focused on the present. I think it worked out in the long run tho. I’m happy with my current creative abilities in other mediums. And if I ever want to indulge 8th grade Pineapple I can always go take a basic composing class and try again.

spell studies challenge day 2:

2. Tue. Jan 26: What classes are you taking this semester?

Death and Dying

Technical writing

Trigonometry (I think I’ve been on trig for three years bc I always put math on the back burner. I can’t believe I actually have to finish it. I think I was supposed to be in calc by now)

Personal Finance

Them Bookz™ - idk what to call this but my mom assigns me a different self help/finance/networking book per month. so far I’ve read:

How to Win Friends and Influence People (9/10 - very good advice, pretty easy to understand and super interesting anecdotes. Would recommend to anyone no matter their age or career aspirations.)

Rich Dad Poor Dad (7.5/10 - pretty good but I read most of it all in one night so I don’t remember much of it and it was hard to summarize the main point/points - still has some good advice tho - just read it in a normal amount of time and during waking hours so you can actually understand. Also spoilers: he didn’t actually have two dads who refused to merge their finances despite being partners - the poor dad is his real dad and the rich dad is his friend’s dad)

The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People (3/10 - there’s a bit of good advice in the first three habits but don’t waste your time - just look up a summary online. I hate the author. Full post on this book here.)

I know this isn’t a course but all my college apps and scholarship essays take up as much time and effort as 2 or 3 courses so I would like to give myself credit for that

wow another apology:

This was excessively long. I have to figure out a new format

#study challenge #spring quarantine fall challenge #SpringQuarantineStudyChallenge #stu-dna challenge #high school #college applications #homeschooler #homeschooling #home school studyblr #homeschool studyblr #home school #homeschool #studyblr

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ahtohallan-calling · 5 years ago

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chapter 16 of don’t read the last page is here!

masterpost

[kristanna / m / multichap / modern au with actress!anna and vetstudent!kristoff]

“I mean, even if that is what she’s filming today,” he said to a cat recovering from minor surgery as he held out a toy for it to bat around, “it’s not a big deal. I mean, she’s an actor, right? And anyway it’s for the movie, so no one else will see it yet, and everyone will know it’s fake. So it doesn’t bother me.”

The cat stopped playing and gave him a look that said even I know that’s bullshit, buddy.

Kristoff had always been a patient person. He wondered sometimes if it had started when his parents had adopted his oldest sister, or a few years before that when he had been a ward of the state waiting to be wanted, or perhaps he had just been born this way, stoic and solid, slow to anger and quick to forgive.

The magazine display in the checkout lane was testing that right now.

She had been excited about that photoshoot with People just a couple of weeks ago. “They want me to be on the cover!” she had called to tell him on her way home from Sam’s office. “And do an article about, y’know, my rise to fame and stuff. I mean, it’s not Vogue or anything so it’s not a huge deal, but still!”

He didn’t really recognize her on the cover. They had slimmed her down for some reason, when just last week she had come home from a doctor’s visit upset because the doctor had told her he was worried about the rate at which she was losing weight when she had already been slender. “I just don’t have time to eat on set sometimes,” she had explained to Kristoff as they went through the grocery store together, both of them in sweatshirts with the hood pulled up. “And then I’m dancing all day, and then I’m stressed as fuck, and I just…”

(He’d packed her lunch every day since then and left a note in each bag. She sent him a picture one day of all of them taped up around her mirror.)

Somehow worse than that, though, was the little blurb in splashy pink letters: Anna Arendelle Rises To Fame...And Falls In Love? Find Out More On Page 36!

She’d done the interview before the Hans debacle, and when they’d asked if she had ever been in love before she had said, “Oh, absolutely. And it’s the most amazing, wonderful thing that’s ever happened to me. I’d take that over the fame any day.”

It had been romantic when she had told him about it later that night when they laid tangled in bed together. It was less romantic now knowing that it was followed up in the article with a whole paragraph about her New Year’s duet with Hans Westergaard.

Between the two of them, they had almost all of the magazines on the rack covered, most of them promising “details about their budding romance inside!” One particularly abhorrent one actually had a picture of Kristoff next to her one day sitting on a park bench; he’d had his hood on, and she’d made the mistake of keeping hers off and leaving that unmistakable red hair on display. Still, he had no idea how anyone would be stupid enough to think he was Hans, considering he had a good five inches and thirty pounds at least on the other man. Then again, the same magazine promised proof Prince William was a lizard.

He turned that one around so no one else could see it, and then picked up a Twix-- Anna’s favorite-- and threw it in the cart. On second thought, he grabbed another; he needed one, too.

---

"Damn, is that really gonna work under latex gloves?"

Kristoff jumped and slammed his laptop shut. "Jesus, didn't anyone ever tell you it's rude to look over people's shoulders?"

The vet tech grinned. "Yeah. But I think when you see your favorite intern looking at engagement rings, you can make an exception. That bloodwork came back clean, by the way. We can send him home tomorrow."

"Thanks, Ryder."

The other man plopped down in the seat across from him. "Pay me back by finally telling me more about this girlfriend."

He groaned. "Why are you so invested in this?"

"I already watched all the good stuff on Netflix. Now I'm bingeing coworker drama. Casey and Paul are fucking, by the way, which is why--"

"They suddenly both started volunteering for kennel clean-up, yeah. Obvious."

"So give me something better to talk about. Like why you were seriously looking at a heart shaped stone."

"It's romantic!"

"It's cheesy. She'll hate it. Probably."

"How do you know so much about women?"

Ryder waggled his eyebrows. "I'm kind of a love expert."

"Didn't you tell me once you were perpetually single?"

"Exactly. I know exactly why to avoid all the bullshit. Stop changing the subject. What's her name?"

"Anna," Kristoff said before he could stop himself, and Ryder grinned.

---

had to talk to hans today bc we r shooting stuff together again

he was super apologetic

said it was a waiter who filmed n leaked it n that he called the company

Do you believe him?

idk

he said the bowtie thing was to match the confetti not me

i think i believe that part at least i mean why else would he have had a silver one lying around

Maybe he already had some ready no matter what color you wore.

idk i think that’s too creepy even for him

it is right?

god i can’t think about that today

He waited a long time before texting her again, keeping his focus on the puppies he was giving their first shots instead of why today was apparently the wrong day to think about just what Hans would do to capture her attention. As hard as clinicals were and as exhausting as it was, this was the work he had dreamed of doing his whole life, and the fact that it required his full attention when he most needed a distraction from the rest of the world was the cherry on top right now.

But then the puppies were vaccinated, and it was already four o’clock, and all that was left to do for the day was check on the animals who were staying in the kennels overnight, and his mind couldn’t help but wander as he went from cage to cage.

The cat stopped playing and gave him a look that said even I know that’s bullshit, buddy.

Anna had gotten home before him for once that night. She was already in the shower, and she didn’t emerge until he’d already cooked dinner and was half-considering digging in to his plate. “Oh! Hey, baby,” she said as she came into the kitchen, still only wearing her towel. “I thought I heard you in here.”

“Jesus, Anna, how hot did you have the water? You look like a lobster.”

“Nice to see you too,” she said, trying to tease, but she looked away from him instead of coming over to greet him like she always did with a kiss.

He went to her instead and stood before her, not touching her like his heart was screaming for him to do; she leaned away, just barely enough to confirm his suspicions.

“You had to do a kissing scene today, didn’t you?”

She only nodded.

“It wasn’t really you guys,” he said softly. “Just your characters. Did he-- did he try anything?”

“No, not at all. He was a perfect gentleman, and it went just fine, and after he made sure I wasn’t bothered since he knew I was kind of upset about all the hubbub but...I don’t know, Kris. I don’t know what’s acting for him and what isn’t.”

A tear slid down her cheek and spattered on the floor. Still he didn’t touch her, waiting to let her make the first move. “I’m so sorry, sweetheart.”

“Me too. I’m sorry I...god. I’m sorry for everything.”

“I’m not upset about it, though,” he lied. “In case you were worried.”

She stepped closer to him then, pressing her still-damp forehead against his chest, and he wrapped his arms around her, letting his thumb rub gentle circles over her shoulder. This is why, Kristoff, he reminded himself, this is why you can’t tell her.

“I love you,” she said, sounding so forlorn he could have sworn he felt a little crack open up in his chest.

“Love you too. More than anything.”

---

He still didn't understand exactly how to use Twitter, but he did know enough to understand that when he logged in and saw stuff about Anna before he even searched her name, something big was happening.

Exclusive new behind the scenes photos from Anastasia! Click here for more:

It already had six thousand retweets, and dozens of replies all screaming about the photo of Hans and Anna clinging to one another. They were in full costume, surrounded by cameras, and the photo was grainy, but still he couldn't help but zoom in on Anna's face, the way she gazed up so lovingly at Hans, the same way she used to look at him before she started running so low on time. Now it seemed he only ever saw her when she was asleep or halfway there.

"Didn't take you for a Disney fan, Bjorgman," Ryder said from behind him.

"Not Disney. It's Fox," he muttered, knowing it was useless to rebuke him for peeking yet again.

"My sister works on that set," Ryder said proudly. "She does Anna Arendelle's hair and makeup."

"...Honeymaren is your sister?"

"...what the fuck? I thought I was the nosy one. How the hell do you-- oh my god, is that your Anna? The one you’ve known since high school and you live with and--”

Kristoff stood up suddenly, his chair screeching with the movement. “You can’t tell anyone,” he said, his voice unnaturally harsh. “I’m serious.”

For once, Ryder looked serious. “Jesus, man, no need to go all ‘I’m six-foot-four on me’. We’re friends. I wouldn’t fuck you over like that.”

His heart was pounding. He could trust Ryder-- he wanted to, at least, but it had been a secret for so long, and already even without other people knowing his life had been upended, and if it got any worse he might have to--

“Kristoff. Seriously, man, I’ll forget you said anything.”

Ryder looked wounded somehow as he turned and left. Feeling guilty, Kristoff called after him, “Wait, it’s just--”

Ryder glanced back over his shoulder. “We’ve all got our shit. I’m here to talk if you need.”

He walked away, and Kristoff found himself standing alone in a room silent except for the buzzing of the fluorescent lights and his own breath, harsh and heavy in his chest.

---

Sweat poured down his back as he ran harder than he ever had before, his legs pumping like he was desperately trying to get somewhere that remained forever just out of his grasp.

He had woken up that morning to an empty bed and a post-it on the fridge with an apology. Meeting with Sam before filming, completely forgot. So sorry xo

She hadn’t even remembered to grab her lunch from the fridge. She probably had forgone breakfast too, and they were in the thick of filming now, doing the huge dance scenes that seemed to take all day and half the night and left her so exhausted sometimes he had to help her undress.

Last night had been one of those nights, and the night before, and this night would be the same, and his lungs were burning, and he’d already gone five miles, sprinting the whole way, and by the end of the day he would be too sore to move, but he still didn’t know what the hell to do and so he just kept running.

---

He was covering the front desk today for the receptionist, whose daughter had just had a baby; normally he wouldn’t have volunteered for something like this, would have wanted to stay doing what he knew best and getting as much experience working with the animals as he could, but as much as he hated talking on the phone to people, he knew he was likely to do more harm than help in the back of the clinic today.

Mercifully, the phones hadn’t been busy so far that morning. He stared, distantly curious, at his hand as it rested on the mousepad, trembling as if he wasn’t sitting perfectly still in a room that was by all standards a little over warm.

A styrofoam cup filled with shitty breakroom coffee appeared just in front of his fingers. “We’ve been taking bets on how long you’ll last out here without falling asleep,” Ryder informed him. “I said another hour, but it was looking iffy for a second there, so I brought you this.”

“Thanks, man.”

He ignored the cup and went back to watching his hand. He didn’t know a lack of sleep could do this. He’d have to keep that in mind next time he was scheduled for a surgery the next morning, would have to find some way to fall asleep in spite of his own mind.

“I, uh, I told my sister I know you. And that I know about it. If that’s okay, I mean,” Ryder said hurriedly. “She’d told me before about hanging out with Anna, and so I just kinda put two and two together and assumed she knew.”

“‘S fine. She’s known the whole time.”

“I, uh, I asked her if she knew why it was a secret. I could have asked you, I know, but, uh...you know how you are with secrets. Figured if I wanted the truth--”

“Just tell me what you want to say. Please,” Kristoff said, taking a sip of the lukewarm coffee in the futile hope it would help.

“Just...that it sucks. Especially with this shit with them saying she’s dating Hans Westergaard. Wish I could tell you ‘I get it’ or something. But I don’t, so I, uh, just...yeah. But I hope the, y’know, engagement ring thing that I saw you looking at that one time...I hope it works out.”

Kristoff ran his hand through his hair. “Yeah. Me, too.”

---

“They seriously won’t just let you call in sick?”

“I mean, I could, but at this point, I’m in all the scenes that are left, and I can’t just halt production for a whole day just because I’m sore, especially when we’re going to Russia in two weeks, and they’re all depending on me, and I can’t just--”

“You sprained your wrist,” he said flatly. “This is more than just being sore.”

“I know, but we already filmed one scene with it, I got Honeymaren to put some foundation on it so you can’t see the--”

“Anna,” he said, his voice so strained she finally went quiet.

He grabbed one of her makeup wipes off the bathroom counter and came back to where she was perched on the edge of the bed. He took the injured wrist in his hand as carefully as he could and started gently dabbing at the nearly-invisible lines of makeup. She winced, and that crack in his chest widened a little more, deepening further as the green and brown smudges faded into view.

“Jesus,” he muttered, and her fingers curled into a fist as she tried to pull away, embarrassed. “Anna, no, I just-- how did you manage this?”

“There was this stunt with the train scene, and nobody else was going to have a stunt person do it, and so I...I wanted to try and see if I could do it, but I just...I don’t know, Kris, I just fucked it up, I guess.”

He bit back everything he wanted to say; what good what it do, anyway, when everybody else seemed to be encouraging her to push herself this way? Instead, he leaned down and pressed a featherlight kiss to her palm. “Let me get something to put on it.”

When he came back a few minutes later with a bag of frozen peas wrapped in a towel, she had already curled up on her side and fallen asleep, still fully dressed. He sat beside her, lifting her head onto his lap. She still didn’t wake up, and so he carefully raised her injured wrist, holding it gently as he could as he pressed the makeshift cold compress against it.

He stayed holding her that way, for a long, long time, until the peas had thawed, and then he went to the kitchen and threw them out and leaned over the sink and splashed cold water onto his face, wondering how much one person could bear.

---

Mid-February had finally rolled around with all its gray skies and sappy pink storefront displays. She was leaving in thirty-six hours, and he hadn’t seen her since the night before, because he’d gotten up two hours earlier than normal to come in early so he could leave early and take her out on the date they’d been planning since even before New Year’s, the one to make up for her being gone for the next three weeks and missing their first Valentine’s together.

It wasn’t that he gave a single fuck about the holiday; it was that she did, and so he’d put his heart into planning it all out: they were going to drive outside of the city limits, just enough that anyone who saw them might do a double take but still keep walking, but not so far that they would get back home too late for anything else. He’d found a diner just like one they used to hang out at in high school, one where they could order a giant strawberry milkshake to dip their fries into and spend all the quarters they could find in her car on playing cheesy old love songs from the sixties, one where if they got lucky they could risk holding hands under the table without anyone seeing.

He was already half-dressed after showering off the day’s stress, expecting her to come through the door any minute, when his phone buzzed.

i’m so sorry

He was half-tempted to throw the phone out the window. Maybe if he didn’t read the rest of the message it wouldn’t come true.

He looked again anyway, that now-familiar crack in his chest widening into a full-blown chasm.

i’m so sorry, something happened with the plane tickets and then the schedules changed and so they want us to have a meeting

hans said we can do it at his place (🤮) since we’re all tired of the set

but at least that’s towards where you said we were gonna go

i’m so so sorry kris can you pick me up from here? ill just ride over with him i guess so i can leave my car here

He sat down heavily on the edge of the bed, putting the phone aside to bury his face in his hands. How the fuck had they gotten here? This wasn’t supposed to happen; they were supposed to move in together, and it would all be fixed, and he’d see her enough, and it was all going to be fine, but it hadn’t been fine for so long he was starting to wonder whether it would be again.

His hand, his arm, his whole body felt like it had been filled with lead when he picked up the phone to respond. Of course, baby. Just call me when it’s over.

He finished getting dressed and went to sit on the sofa; figuring at least he could turn on the TV and find some stupid show to drown out his thoughts. His eyes flicked down to the Netflix button on the remote; what the hell, he thought, you already feel like shit, might as well see her during it.

He put her movie on, the stupid Christmas one he’d helped her run lines for, and watched her-but-not live through a dreamy, whirlwind romance, even almost smiled at the scene they had read together on his living room floor all those months ago; he closed his eyes for the kiss at the end, even though he’d seen the movie before with Sven when it first came out, he didn’t know if he could take watching it right now.

He kept watching while the credits rolled, jealous of all the people whose names scrolled by for every second they got to spend with her, not knowing how he coveted her time. It was getting dark; he glanced at his phone, expecting to see that he’d missed something from her, but there was nothing.

He went to the kitchen and cracked open a beer; he wasn’t normally one to drink when he got like this, but tonight-- tonight something felt different, like the air was suddenly running out of oxygen, like the walls of this house they had thought would be full of so much happiness were closing in on him.

He finished it; still nothing. It was late enough now she’d be too hungry to wait through the drive up. Fine; they’d get McDonald’s, or order a pizza, or he’d cook pancakes for her-- he didn’t care, he just wanted to fucking see her before she left, just wanted to be with her and no one else and pretend that it could be that way all the time.

He cracked open another beer. Another hour passed, and the frustration that had been pooling in his gut had started to ferment into worry. She was never quiet this long; something had to have happened, something had to be wrong.

His jaw was clenched; he released it, thinking it would lighten some of the tension coiled tight in every part of him, but it didn’t. He felt hot and cold and too big and too small all at once, a bundle of aching and anxiety bouncing around the prison of his own skull while he waited to hear something, anything.

Suddenly he could take it no more and stormed out the front door, snatching up his keys and heading for the car. He had it started, had his hand on the gear stick to pull it into reverse when a sudden horrible thought hit him: what if she didn’t want him to pick her up? What if she wanted to spend her last nights here with everyone else, with all the other people like her, the ones who kept pushing her and and demanding so much of her, all in the pursuit of-- of whatever the fuck it was that kept her going like this.

He went back inside and sat at the kitchen table, his eyes never moving from the door.

Another half hour passed, and then suddenly it swung open and she was there, her eyes wild and her hair half-out of a ponytail. “Kris, I’m so fucking sorry,” she gasped out, and he stood, striding over to her.

“I-- I rode with Hans,” she explained, already reaching for him, “and then I got there and realized my phone was gonna die, and I didn’t have my charger with me because it was in the car, and no one else had theirs either, and then the meeting just kept fucking going on and on because everyone was asking so many questions, and then I had to borrow someone’s phone to get an Uber and it turns out that that just complicates things and I-- fuck fuck fuck I’m so sorry, I just--”

“I need to go,” he said shortly, catching the door before it could swing shut behind her and slipping out into the night without saying goodbye.

#.............oop #drtlp #my fics #thank you fericita for helping me with ryder and the ring bit haha

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flipsideds · 5 years ago

Text

“ oh, haha... ” a default response to a very non-default situation –– a little post-show, barside rendez-vous with an older man who insists nour has been singing to directly to him the entire night. “ flirting ? i... ”

gentle eyes gloss over the banquet hall’s dimmed lights, bright smiles, flickering electric candles... “ . . . what’s that ? ” and then he’s off, gin and tonic in hand. three strides and it’s already half-drained. yikes.

or, alternatively : greetings loved ones!! my name is linc ( 21 / est / she/her ) and here is the ever so graceful, ever so unintentionally magnetic nour al-busiri! below the cut you’ll find a messy run-down. i am so excited to plot & write with all of you !!

( i’m scheduled for a tonsillectomy tomorrow so i’m gonna be so grateful for the distraction, y’all have no idea. )

if you want some great mood-setters for this beb’s backstory / insight into his soul, slap on some jacob collier, kevin garrett, or charlie burg ‘n let’s get cookin’ !

so this is all copy-pasted from a discord chat with devon bc i improvised nour’s entire life story over a span of... 10 minutes ?? bahaha pls enjoy i apologize in advance. ( i also put this in normal text size bc it is v long and i don’t want anyone hurting their eyes !! protect dem beautiful retinas <3 )

h i s t o r y .

his parents met in grade school in egypt, but then didn't reconnect until their masters studies crossed paths in london... immediately fell head over heels again ( had they been searching for one another in crowds since being 6-7 years old?? maybe... ). graduated top of their class, accepted job offers in london in the biopharmaceutical realm. but then. when nour was 3...

they were involved in a freak monorail accident on their way back from a science conference in amsterdam. the babysitter paid 80 quid to watch the kids for two nights became their sole protector in this world. british authorities had trouble contacting other kin, but managed to reach mr. al-busiri's mother, rashida, who was still living in dahab with her second husband, zaim.

the al-busiri's came from old money. so off nour goes ( and potentially his older bro if i decide he exists... potential wc with a rami malek fc tbh ) to live in the city which, unbeknownst to him, sparked his parents' storybook love.

so nour grows up in this like... picturesque seaside childhood. collects shells. bonds with his grandmother and her husband. they encourage him with school, etc. but he quickly shows that he excels at maths and... music? wow. that's unexpected. gets his first piano at 5. first guitar at 6. by 8 1/2, he's managed to hodge-podge together a little recording studio for himself in his bedroom, and he's constantly serenading his friends at school.

( death tw / illness tw ) then comes zaim's stroke. he lives for four months after, but he loses his ability to speak. his motor skills deteriorate. nour and his grandmother do their best to tend to him –– she's already about 40% down the macular degeneration path, but hasn't told him yet that her vision's going. so 10 y/o nour does what he does best: unconditional love and support, delivered through the gift of song. zaim dies after requesting his favorite song: 'blackbird' by the beatles, sung in verses alternating from english to arabic.

after, it's just nour and rashida against the world ( maybe his brother too bergorghre if i decide he's a thing ) . rashida's forced to come clean about her vision the day she can't for the life of her find the bloody pen she just put down so she can finish signing off on nour's choir trip permission slip. ( it's right next to her, to her left, just out of her closing field of vision. ) things progress more rapidly after that. by the time nour's 16, his grandmother is legally blind. it's not an uncommon sight to see him at the markets or strolling along the beach with her on his arm. she refuses canes as long as nour's around. ( “ don't rob me of my youth, nuri-nuri [ my light ] ” )

despite her growing dependency on him, she encourages him to apply to unis all over the globe. by the time college apps roll around, nour is somewhat of a local household name: he plays summer concerts, coffee shops, and is even asked to play at his teacher's wedding ceremony –– and his neighbor's cat funeral.

acceptances roll in. julliard. berkeley. chicago school of music. he chooses chicago, because there's someone there. someone he connected with online a few years back, a friend, but... could turn into something more. this hopeless romantic heedlessly ventures off to find out if this boy in chicago might... be someone. something more.

spoiler alert: he gets to chicago, starts music school. and each meet-up they set? gets pushed. sometimes it's traffic. a cold. transit trouble. can't get work off, sorry. things with ma are really tough. the excuses kept coming but... nour's naive. he believes every word. but in his second year of uni, things....... start getting suspicious. by chance, he spots this man in the window of a coffee shop downtown. overjoyed, he texts as much. but ... messages go read and unanswered. phone calls dwindle.

his music suffers. so does his muse. so much so that he's tempted to drop out, to throw in the towel, to just...... go back home. he speaks with his grandmother each day on the phone. she's doing well, stop worrying, nuri-nuri, your uncle is taking good care of me. nour goes on dates. thinks about chicago boy. thinks about him a lot.

he's 20 when it happens. sat on a stage in a little dive bar, tuning his acoustic guitar for an opening number, and there. those eyes. he knows them.

they talk after the show, in the alley. share a cigarette. and it's almost like... maybe things are finally clicking. maybe this is finally their shot.

except chicago boy ( neil ) says they have to stop talking. that he had to just... see nour for himself. see that he's real. hear him sing, and... move on. nour doesn't buy it. pushes back. asks why the hell neil'd come out now only to slink back to the shadows. things get heated. neil yells. and the men... the men who hear and come running ? they think nour is the cause of it all.

( hate crime tw, violence tw ) how many kicks does it take to break to the center of a broken heart ? twelve. how many broken ribs does it take to immobilize a probably terrorist, dude ? four. shattered wrist. snapped ankle. broken arm. cracked skull. and neil scuttles off like nour's bad meat. bad blood. like he asked for this.

chicago school of music receives a call from weiss memorial three days later.

nour never gets his degree. he breaks his apartment lease. flies home after he heals, spends a year with his grandmother and uncle. just... creating. writing, playing, trying to fill that void with something. but then things with his uncle get heated. he wants to put his own mother in a home, sell the estate, pocket the cash. nour fights it, but he's got no legal bearing.

the nursing home concept never takes hold, though, because his grandmother's still sharp as shit and refuses to sign anything nour doesn't read first. eventually the uncle grows tired of fighting and stops trying, just... slinks back to his husband and keeps his mouth shut. nour's grandmother pressures him to go back to chicago, make that city wish he never left. take back his own story. together they work to find a live-in aide they trust. freshly 22, nour ventures back to the city that broke him.

he finds cheap housing, a gig. the malnati, seems legit. good money. good exposure. and then he meets @ryderxmms –– they form one night stand. when not scheduled for malnati banquets, you can find nour providing vocals ( and occasional keys ) in the dive bars / parties the band lands gigs at.

g e n e r a l .

nour creates like food and drink don’t exist, sunlight is an illusion, and all the human body needs for sustenance is sound. he can find his way around just about any instrument under the sun, but his main poisons are piano, acoustic guitar, and digital recording tools –– think jacob collier and you’re right on the money.

actually, i’m stealing a lot��of jacob collier discography and pegging it as his creations. this kid’s got an experimental sound and loves it.

he grew up speaking english and arabic equally, but because he learned english in london and then continued in egypt, he does have a mild brit-arab accent. it’s v cute, i promise.

looks like he’d be a total lothario, yeah ?? but. he’s so shy ? so sweet ? get him on a stage and he’s shameless but plop him in a bar and eye him up and he’ll honestly just smile nervously and pretend you’re looking at someone else.

love languages : singing to his succulents and plants before his 5am morning runs. facetime calls at times least convenient for him, but most convenient for you. little notes written on napkins, smiley face doodles included. candy bars. lingering a little longer in doorways after saying hello, just to see you smile.

he’s got major water sign vibes. birthday comin’ up in march, woot woot !!

he often wears very simple statement pieces. he likes rings, crystal pendants, leather bracelets. soft tees layered with embroidered jackets, metallic blazers. somehow he pulls off mixed media and crazy prints that should never go together ? he just... is so easy breezy.

he often wears his hair wild ‘n curly, unless the gig he’s got mandates a more streamlined look.

falls in love.... 14 times a day ?? really.

has a scar across his left temple from the incident with neil. will probably write it off as a bike riding accident. ( he doesn’t know how to ride a bike. )

don’t let him cook ever, okay ?? unless you want him to literally do this.

pls come at me for all the plots ? i’m so open for all the things !!! y’all got me on discord, so feel free to slide on into my dms. i promise i will be so thrilled <3

#intro.#☼ –– gimme that afterglow ! inspo.

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cravingcrazewriting · 6 years ago

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youwillbefound.org

Trigger Warning- Mentions of suicide attempt and suicidal thoughts.

youwillbefound.com is a safe haven for any troubled teens/young adults who are looking for someone to find them. This site intends on being a place to reach out to others and to find them as you wold want yourself. Harassment is strictly prohibited. If we find you are abusing this site to target and harass people who are suicidal then you will be banned firstly for a week, secondly for a month, and thirdly will be a permanent ban and removal of your account. We hope you find whatever you're looking for on youwillbefound.com and we wish you the best of luck! Have a fantastic day!

What was Evan doing?

It wasn't like him to get a social media. It wasn't like him to rely so much on people, but yet he did, for no reason whatsoever. He did meet someone who he could trust, and needed help as much as he did. It was nice. He only had a few other friends who friended him out of pity.

He was currently on his laptop, writing his therapy letter, when he heard his phone go off.

HighandAllMighty: hey dude, wuts up?

Evan made a smile. High, that's what Evan nicknamed him due to privacy issues, was one of his closest friends, he'd even call him a best friend. High suffered from Anxiety and Bipolar, and had a very hard time making friends due to all of his outbursts. On the internet, he was able to calm himself down and not act rashly, but sometimes would assume the worst and snap at Evan a few times, but when that did happen, he'd awake to multiple apologizes from High.

High admitted to smoking openly, from cigarettes to weed, mainly because the way it calmed him down and less likely to snap at people. Evan didn't really mind this, since High's parents didn't get him any medication to him. If it helped, then that was that.

AnAnxiousTeen: Nothing much, just sitting in bed. I might write my therapy letter soon. What about you?

HighandAllMighty: sweet. Honestly I'm just dazing in and out atm. Me and my family just ate and my dad is trying to start shit again. HighandAllMighty: so the usual bs

AnAnxiousTeen: I'm so sorry.. I wish I could help you.

HighandAllMighty: Nah, don't be. U should probably start your letter.

AnAnxiousTeen: Well you know I hate writing them so I'd rather not heh

HighandAllMighty: hey, can I ask u something kinda important?

AnAnxiousTeen: Sure! Ask away!

HighandAllMighty: can we FaceTime? HighandAllMighty: I know u might not want to bc of ur anxiety HighandAllMighty: it was just something I wanted to try, if you wanted to at least

AnAnxiousTeen: I'm.. not sure.. I need time to think this over. AnAnxiousTeen: My mom is still home, so I can't right now.

HighandAllMighty: I understand. It's ok

Evan was trying not to freak out.

He was scared. He was scared he'd disappoint High. Incredibly scared of the mental image he imaged him looking like and being a huge let down and not being able to say anything and make things ten times worse than what they are and-

"Honey! I'm heading out! There's a twenty on the counter! Please get something to eat while I'm gone! Love you, bye!" Heidi called from downstairs, pulling Evan out of his thoughts. A moment later a door closing could be heard.

Evan sighed and ran his fingers through his messy blonde hair. There was another complication; he had completely fallen for High, one hundred percent in love.

HighandAllMighty: ah man, I'm rlly srry. My dad is gonna take my phone. HighandAllMighty: we'll talk later, k?

AnAnxiousTeen: I understand. I'll see you when you get back!

HighandAllMighty: in one week. Bye bud

Evan laid down on his bed. A whole week?! This obviously wasn't the first time it happened, but would that stop him from missing him? No. Definitely not. It'd be a lonely week without him.

This would be a long week

~~~ It was only Tuesday.

High had his phone taken on Saturday, so they were completely out of touch for tree days straight so far, and Evan was miserable and lonely.

Evan was sitting in his room, unenthusiastically working on homework. He was sinking into a depressive state. He'd never admit to it, but there was something wrong, that he just wasn't happy. He let out a sigh, setting his pencil down and grabbing his phone. The only notifications he had was some posts from people he liked, and a text from Jared.

Jared K: U have math done?

Evan H: -Evan H has sent a picture-

Jared K: thanks

Well, that made Evan feel even more like shit. It made him feel like Jared would only miss him for his car insurance if he suddenly disappeared. Hell, his mom would have it easier if he was gone. And High.. he was just a burden to him. Fuck it, he needed to vent.

AnAnxiousTeen has posted a status update: I'm always being told that things will get better, that I'll find someway to deal with my social anxiety, but nothing is seeming to be working. No one would notice if I suddenly left, if this account was suddenly shut down, maybe except for @HighandAllMighty but if I'm being honest, I'd be doing him a favor. I wish that things were different. I wish that anything I said mattered to anyone. Because let's face it. Would anyone here notice if I disappeared tomorrow?

After posting his update, he got a handful of responses, that mainly said stuff among the lines of "I'd notice! Please don't do anything rash!". It didn't feel real to Evan. He knew how this stuff worked. After a week of his death, people would forget him. All he could think of was how thankful his anxiety held him back from another attempt.

AnAnxiousTeen has posted a status update: If a tree falls in a forest, and no one is around to hear it, does it ever make a sound?

There was a lot of debate about this one. No one saw the hidden subtext, that he fell-no, let go of the branch that was holding him and was now restrained to a cast. It made his stomach do a cartwheel at the thought.

AnAnxiousTeen has posted a status update: Sorry for all the depressing stuff tonight. I'm going offline to hit the hay early.

Well, that wasn't a total lie. He had homework to do first, then he'd probably lay in bed till sleep took him away.

And that's exactly what he did.

~~~ HighandAllMighty: why didn't you tell me how you were feeling?

High was back, early, and Evan was downright terrified.

Unlike before, he used almost perfect spelling and grammar, something he'd only do in serious situations. Evan hated confrontation, so so much.

AnAnxiousTeen: I'm sorry.. I didn't want to be a burden...

HighandAllMighty: you could never burden me with your problems. HighandAllMighty: we have to look out for each other, otherwise we'll loose us both. HighandAllMighty: I want to video chat with you. I want to see /you/. Let me help you. Please

Evan didn't really think when he answered. He didn't consider what his anxiety was telling him. He just had to make it up to High, especially with what he just put him through.

AnAnxiousTeen: Of course, just give me a few minutes to set up.

HighandAllMighty: thank you. I mean it

Evan let out a puff of air and set his phone down. His mom was home but sleeping, so he'd have to be quiet and not talk to loud, which wasn't a problem because he's.. him. He grabbed a set of dark blue headphones (he preferred them because they felt more comfortable on his ear) and plugged them into his phone. He made sure they worked okay and sent High a message.

AnAnxiousTeen: I'm ready. Can you send the request?

-HighandAllMighty has sent you a Face Time Request!-

-x Accept x or x Decline x-

Evan hesitantly hit the accept key and sat down on his bed, tidying up his shirt and hair while it loaded. Things'll be fine. They'll be perfectly okay. Just stay completely calm, don't fuck anything up, and your guys' friendship will be saved.

A minute later, the Face Time had finished loading, and on Evan's screen he was greeted to a pale skinned boy with long brown hair that went down to his shoulders, his eyes were blue but they had this brown glint to them that really made them stand out and made them so much more mesmerizing. He was wearing a simple black hoodie and the rest of his outfit Evan couldn't see.

The room Evan assumed was High's was messy, to say the least. Evan never understood how people could find what they needed in a mess. That's why he kept everything organized and clean, so if he needed to find anything, he could right away. It was an anxiety thing he couldn't get over. Evan also noticed the contrast of dark colors in High's room, that was mainly dark purple and black for the most part. Evan knew High enjoyed dark colors rather than light ones it made sense to why his room was painted that way.

Holy fuck was he hot or what?

"Um, hi! C-can you hear me o-okay?" Evan asked nervously, adjusting his headphones ever so slightly. He could hear some shuffling around so he took that as a good sign.

"Yeah, you're good. What about me on your end?" High asked, leaning back.

"Yo-you're good too," Evan nodded, confirming that he could hear him quite well. "Why did you w-want to call?"

"Well one, I wanted to see what you looked like, and two, I need to ask you a few other things, and this is the best way to see if you're lying or not," he simply said, shrugging his shoulders.

"O-okay, ask a-away," Evan smiled, shuffling slightly on his bed to get comfortable, waiting for whatever High was about to ask.

High inhaled, staying silent for a moment, before asking, "..Are you suicidal?"

Evan immediately tensed up. He hadn't put much thought into being depressed or suicidal, although he had those thoughts a lot he couldn't possibly be.. right? "I.. I don't know, a-actually... It could be a p-possibility, I do get suicidal thoughts and... a lot of self h-hate..."

High nodded slowly, picking at what appeared to be black nail polish. "Well, have you ever... attempted?"

Evan bit his lip, and he turned his gaze to his cast, although it wasn't planned, it still counted as one. He simply nodded his head. "It's.. s-scary..."

High let out a sigh. "I know the feeling all too well.. Just, wanting it all to end, but yet your anxiety is telling you not to, and you get so afraid.. I dunno, it's a reminder that you're still human I guess, attempting or not.."

"Honestly, it's m-my anxiety holding me b-back from trying a-again.. I'm scared I-I'll fail again.." Evan chuckled meekly, picking at his cast's plaster.

"Well, I'm glad," High smiled at him. "You don't know how much better you've made my life. I.. probably would've attempted again if I didn't know you.."

"Same with m-me. I'm.. so, so a-alone at school, I don't have any f-friends, and I was-well, still kinda- miserable. But, when we started t-talking, I didn't feel as alone a-anymore.." Evan admitted, blushing lightly.

"I wish I could meet you," High admitted. "I can tell no one's signed your cast still, and I really wanna fucking sign it. I.. I want to be by your side... Helping you order food, keeping you company, hell, I even know a few places down here you'd fucking adore and I know it.."

Evan smiled like a complete dork at these things. "That's s-so sweet.. You probably w-wouldn't like to meet me though.. I-I'd be so awkward.."

"Hey, don't put yourself down like that. I prefer awkward over cocky assholes any day," High said. "And like, not to mention you're a fucking amazing guy. Any girl would- fuck how do I phrase this?- well, she'd be pretty lucky to be with a guy like you," High told him, a noticeable blush appearing on his cheeks.

Evan blushed probably more than what he should've, but he couldn't help it. No one except his mom had said this type of stuff to him. "Honestly, t-thank you.."

"Okay, secondly, I need to tell you something really important. I hope it won't weird you out or anything but here it goes.. I really, really like you- and I don't mean that in the friendly way, I mean like- fuck this is harder to explain than I thought. Look.. I'm, head over heels in love with you, man.." High finished.

Evan was in pure shock. He had his hand on his mouth and felt like he could've cried. All that his mind could register was he liked him back. Holy fuck, he never thought he'd see the day his feelings would be returned. He could process words, he moved his hand away from his mouth, revealing a huge smile he was wearing and said hand anxiously ran through his hair.

"Holy f-fuck.. I.. I didn't think you'd l-like me back, so I never said anything.. Oh my god, t-this is incredible!" Evan admitted, watching the brunette's shocked expression turn into a smile.

"Holy shit, you actually like me?" High asked, and Evan nodded to him, he'd proudly admit to it, because now he had nothing else to loose.

"Does this mean we're like.. a thing or..?" High trailed off, and Evan laughed, saying, "Maybe! I t-think We should try."

High smiled at him, "I'd love to date you.. even if it's long distance.."

"Can I a-ask you something?" Evan smiled sheepishly, tugging lightly at his shirt while High responded with a "You can ask me anything you want to."

"What-what's your a-actual name?" Evan asked slowly, as stated earlier, they both kept their names a secret for privacy, but Evan was too curious to contain himself from keeping the question residing in his mind.

"It's Connor. What about you?" High- no, Connor returned his question, gazing at him with a loving gaze.

"I l-like to go by Evan.." Evan hoped that would satisfy him, because who'd want to date a guy with a name like Mark? No one, that's for sure.

"It suits you," Connor stated. "A wonderful name for a wonderful boy."

Evan flushed at his comment. "Well er- it's n-not as beautiful as 'Connor'. It, it fits you, so so well.."

"Are you calling me beautiful?" Connor teased him, and Evan just laughed.

The two ended up chatting for an entire two hours, enjoying whatever they could get out of each other's presence. They were both hopelessly in love, despite distance keeping them apart, they hoped they would one day meet in person.

That would be more than enough for them both.

A/N-I fucking love this AU so much?? I loved writing every second of it,and going over 2000 words better prove it.

Anyways I'm opening up requests! I don't have a lot of ideas so please request so I can keep updating this book! Thanks a ton!

#treebros #connor #connor murphy #evan #evan hansen #deh #dear evan hansen #convan #online dating

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paladxns · 5 years ago

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* ☆ ◞ KANG YEOSANG. CISMALE. HE/HIM. ◟ wait, wasn’t that THEODORE ‘THEO’ CHOI? they’re a TWENTY year old JUNIOR, hailing from SAN DIEGO, CA. i heard they’ve chosen to study VETERINARY SCIENCE while living at CORAL TOWER ( UNIT 415; ROOM B ). word around campus is that they’re LAID BACK & WELCOMING but also quite PASSIVE & UNRELIABLE. if you happen to see them walking to class with their earbuds in, they’re probably listening to BREEZEBLOCKS by ALT J.

HEY WASSUP GANG !

didn’t take me long to get a second character did it ?? gee what a surprise

anyways he is very different from hana so !!!! i’m v excited to play him tbh BUT — TW: there are drug references* and parental death** mention

H I S T O R Y

he is from san diego !! a cute lil neighbourhood where ppl kind of knew everyone ?? so everyone knew when his (tw** )mom died from a heart attack when he was only fourteen

it SHOOK the choi household — it was so sudden and it was very traumatic and theo really struggled a lot with it since he was there when it happened

he’s the oldest of three boys, the 2nd oldest being 16 ( 10 when she died ) and the youngest being 12 ( 6 ) so he really tried to step up when they lost their mom and helped his dad a lot but tbh it was super stressful bc his dad just wanted him to focus on school and ??? theo was like wtf i’d rather be there for my brothers but now he’s older he kind of sees his dad’s point

he got pretty depressed and ?? honestly just took a turn for a worst

they weren’t the most wealthy of families, and then with her death it caused quite a bit of financial struggle and so theo got into selling (tw:*)drugs when he was about fifteen which ... his dad did NOT like but at least they were paying their bills on time

he had a super rough patch between 15 - 18 where he wouldn’t be heard from for hours or days and he’d stumble back home on the worst comedown or hangover imaginable

like boy did alllllll kinds of stupid it’s a surprise he survived tbh

he’d never let his brothers see him that way but he does regret that it got as bad as it did and his dad knew but he couldn’t really intervene in anyway and it’s not like theo would listen either

still, even tho he spent most of his nights getting messed up, he DID work hard at school and got a scholarship to nyu where he’s doing veterinary science bc ya boiiiii loves animals and tbh his mom always knew he wanted to be one since he was a kid so even if he grew out of that dream he was always gonna pursue it bc of his mom and he feels like he can make her proud

tbh that’s all u need to know background wise so

P E R S O N A L I T Y

very ?? loving tbh he has so much love and affection and he’s ready to hand it out to whoever wants it — genuinely loves physical contact too he will 100% be trying to hold your hand or lay in your lap whenever he can... he needs to learn not EVERYONE is ok with this tho

is kind of a hermit sometimes but more in the sense he can spend days alone in his room without any human interaction and be fine ??? like won’t even realise he’s done it but he's ALWAYS down for hanging out with people and socialising tbh he’s happy either way

he’s very good at hiding his depression, like you’d really never expect it from him he’s so smiley and has a super warm aura — definitely the type to try and fix everyone else in hopes it’ll fix him but some days if he is feeling especially low, he’ll shrug it off as being tired and just isolate himself in his room

he’s stoned A LOT, like expect 99.9% of interactions with him he’s probably blazed tbh — he definitely uses it as a coping mechanism for his depression. the only time he’s not high would be if he knows he’s doing something surgical or super important for class

a very go with the flow kind of guy and doesn’t really like pressure being put on him, ya boi doesn’t like S T R E S S and will just rather see how things go than worry about what could happen

the type to make best friends super easy but ?? doesn’t really put too much effort into relationships he’s quite bad

a proper peace keeper, if there’s any kind of conflict he’s in the middle trying to diffuse it and make everyone happy

kind of a pushover but more bc he just doesn’t really care about anything and he definitely thinks life is pointless and nothing matters so ??

random facts // hcs

a pro joint roller — super quick, super neat, but can also make fun, creative ones to smoke too

skateboards around campus, usually bc he’s slept in late and needs to get to class quickly

pansexual af

he gets panic attacks sometimes and if anyone sees he’s super embarrassed about it tbh but sometimes he gets flashbacks of his mom dying so :|

speaks english, korean, and knows a lil bit of spanish

finds painting nails SUPER therapeutic so catch him with randomly coloured nails any day of the week

is in the photography club !! and also the earth matters club

he’s a neat freak !!!!! everything must be organised and clean or he can’t FOCUS

definitely a bit of a ho .... he’d sleep with anyone and does tbh

loves naps and sleeping in general

ok thatsss it !! i dont really have many specific wcs other than ? hookups and smoking buddies...... so ? maybe someone who lets him paint their nails, he’d LUV that but yes i’m down for brainstorming so click the heart for plots !! i’ll come 2 u but maybe tomorrow as i gotta sleep but maybe tonight too bc... i’m a mess

#violet:intro #✩ muse.『 theo 』#✩ conversation.『 theo 』#✩ visage.『 theo 』#✩ spotify.『 theo 』#✩ starter.『 theo 』#✩ musing.『 theo 』#✩ texts.『 theo 』#✩ instagram.『 theo 』

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surveys-at-your-service · 5 years ago

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Survey #225

“i tried to write your name in the rain, but the rain never came.”

How many times a day do you check your cell to see if you have a text? Considering my dumb phone doesn't let me know I have texts half the time, I do multiple times throughout the day. Ever wonder if the person you hate will become the person you marry? HA HA YOOOOOOOOOOOO SARA AND I DID AND NOW I DEADASS WANNA MARRY HER TOMORROW How many times a day do you wash your hands? It varies. After I use the bathroom or if I'm about to touch food. You walk in on your parents smoking pot, what do you do? lol h u h How old were you when you had your first crush? Hell if I know. I do remember as a young kid though, I was very much "ew boys no thnx." Maybe like... 5th grade? When was the last time you asked God for something? A long, long time ago. Your opinion on smoking: Just don't, dude. It's money going towards gradual suicide. No one likes the smell. You sure won't like how it affects your body. It's an addiction/it's stressful to stop. I'm not gonna like, judge you if you smoke, but nevertheless, I'll tell anyone it's an awful idea. Make love or fuck? It depends on the mood. I was more into the former mood back when that even applied to me, though. Have you ever cried so much over something that later felt like nothing? Oh, I can assure you I have. The last time you were afraid of the dark was: I'm not really scared of the dark, but one time I got up semi-recently in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, and after one incident, I was so, so careful and nervous to step on Bentley's tail. He lost his fucking mind on me when I did it once, of course on accident. The TV was off by this point, so I couldn't see well at all. I love having a dog that fucking scares me. How often do you say I love you to your parents and mean it? A whole lot. Your boyfriend/girlfriend say they can’t hang out & it’s been two weeks. You? I mean sure, it sucks, but if they're legitimately busy, they're busy. Have you ever wanted a wild animal for a pet? If yes what animal? I had a phase where I really wanted a fox, and now I am DEAD serious about fostering opossums at some point. When you go to sleep, do you have to have white noise or silence? SILENCE. Though I don't really get /total/ silence 'cuz I have to have my fan on. My room's always hot. Have you ever gotten in a fight with a teacher? No. Ever had a creepy dream about a teacher? No. Where were you when you had your first sleepover? Your house or a friends’? I believe I was at my then-best friend's house. I had suuuuch bad separation anxiety from my mom that I know I was older than most kids who did. What are you limits for doing stuff for money? I'd never do sexual favors or seriously hurt someone for it. Is there someone you are mean to all the time for no reason? No. I'll admit I'm typically rather short with Bentley, but Jesus, do I have reason. When you think of love what’s the first that comes to mind? Sara. How do you calm your mind and find peace when you are stressed? My best bet is going to sleep; that's pretty much, usually, my reset button. Have you ever given someone flowers? I gave Jason flowers once or twice. I gave my mom some for Mother's Day as a kid. How often do you get on Facebook? A couple times a day... mainly just to see memes lmaoooo. What day of the week is usually your busiest day? Good Lord, Tuesdays. I'm at school for 13 hours. Mostly sitting in the library waiting for classes, but. I do study a whole lot, though, and it's when I get a bunch of schoolwork done. Is there a place that you will never return back to? Idk. When was the last time that you created a PowerPoint? I'm actually working on/off one for FYS 'cuz we have to do this "Lifeline" thing where we introduce ourselves and give our stories. Guess who's not fucking ready. Do you like group work? NO. NO. Particularly if it's with people I don't know. Do you have any stickers on your laptop? No. Is music or the TV on while you complete this survey? I'm listening to Chase Holfelder's cover of "Kiss The Girl" rn. Does your grass need cut currently? No. Do you listen to Nirvana? Occasionally. What color are the doors in your house? White. Have your friends ever not wanted you to be with someone? Probably. What is your favorite use for whipped cream? I hate that stuff. What is your favorite flower? Orchids. And your favorite nut? Ew no thanks. Can you curse in a foreign language? Of course I know "fuck" and "shit" in German lmao. Are you fond of spaghetti? Hell yeah man. Have you ever played in the mud? I sure did zoom through it on my bike as a kid. Do you remember what your first real relationship felt like? That relationship ultimately led to PTSD, how could I possibly forget. Who can make you happy no matter what? Sara, Mark, and Game Grumps are particularly good at that. How tall are you? 5'4.5'' Are there any animals near you? No, I'm at school rn. Do have a lot of lists? No. Are you a godparent? No. Do you sleep too much or not enough? Eh, it depends on the day and my mood. Have you ever gone a full day without interacting with another person? Yep. How many relationships have you been in that lasted less than a year? Four. Where were you going the last time you were on a train? Never been on one before. Do you think having a bad temper is a sign of immaturity? I mean, no? It's an interesting question and I guess a "maybe," but. I feel this depends on the trigger. Have you ever been significantly more physically fit than you are now? I was a fucking yoga master babe in 9th grade, fuckin fite me. When growing up, did your parents keep the house very tidy? I guess? It wasn't dirty. How many watches do you own? Zero. Are there any ways in which you greatly differ from everyone else in your family? Political views, I guess? Or the fact I'm bi? I only know of one person in my extended family that's gay. Should teenagers be allowed to have their cell phones with them in class? No shit? Emergencies are a thing? BUT, respect the teacher, please. I cannot stand people using their phone in class, especially here in college. You're paying a shitload to learn. Spend that time as you're supposed to. Take education seriously. If your phone's on vibrate for said emergency situations, that's cool. Do you have any gay relatives? Lol oh. Yeah, Mom has a cousin. Have you ever had to have a pet put down? Yeah. Have you unfollowed, deleted, or blocked anyone on social media recently? I deleted my sister's mother-in-law in fury over her homophobia because I've seriously had it, then just a few days ago actually I went through my Facebook list deleting people I just didn't really feel connected to/didn't really care to follow their journey anymore. How many cups of coffee do you typically drink per day? Zero. Do you know what your vocal range is? It's not broad. I'd say I'm probably in a rank slightly lower than most women. What’s the biggest financial mistake you’ve ever made? I've never really been in the position to be capable of that. I've never had a source of income. If so, what sub-genres of metal do you like the best? Probably heavy. Or symphonic, though I haven't found too many artists in that sub-genre that I really enjoy. But BOY, when I do? I will BINGE that shit to the ends of the earth. Have you ever turned down someone who didn’t handle the rejection well? Ha ha oh man, I remember in 4th grade, this kid Nick was desperate to date me. It was endearing and cute, but he asked kinda obsessively. Then jfc, when I broke up with Tyler, you would've thought I was Jason and he was me, holy shit. How large is your largest scar, and what is it from? Well, I can't see it, so I actually don't know. I guess kinda long, but not wide. It's from a cyst removal surgery. Who was the last person you sincerely thanked? Omg, my Writing teacher. She really liked my writing on my essay. I was so flattered. When was the last time you went for a walk? Like, just a casual walk for the sake of walking? Not since I was at Sara's last. That was when my muscle atrophy was starting to get extremely bad though and I was very close to death omg. Have you ever been in a relationship where there was a large difference in maturity levels? I don't think so. When cooking a meal, do you clean up as you go or wait til you’re done? I don't know how to cook. Do you develop crushes easily? NO. I am soooooo romantically picky. What’s the longest you’ve ever stayed as a guest at someone’s house? A month or more with Colleen after we were evicted. That was a really good time, honestly, regardless of how we feel about each other now. I don't think anyone's done something so selfless for me, and we really did have fun. How bad was your acne when you were a teenager? I'd say it was normal for someone that age. Do you like salsa that has fruit in it? NO. Do you think stained glass windows are pretty? Hell yeah. That was my favorite thing about the church I grew up with; Catholic churches tend to truly have incredible stained glass. Are you scared of snakes? Nope, snakes are Baby. Have you had your wisdom teeth removed? No; I only have two, and I just slightly have enough room for them. Do you like hard or soft pretzels better? I strongly prefer soft. Have you ever been carded when buying something? Yes. Do you eat meat? Regretfully. Can you sleep with the light on? NOOOOOOOOOO. I have to truly be exhausted. Have you ever broken a bone? No, but I did fracture my wrist as a kid. Have you ever made ice cream in chemistry class? Bitch I wish, tf. Do you use the microwave often? Considering a bitch can't cook, yes. Microwavable meals are the reason I am alive. Have you ever painted a room? No. What’s in your copy and paste? This survey. Do you know anyone that’s painfully, socially awkward? Fuckin ME JFC. How do you usually pose in your pictures? With the left side of my face facing the camera (bc my hair kinda swoops over the right side), and I'll usually smile with my teeth or do a :D face bc at least I look happy instead of high with my squinty-ass eyes. :') Do you know anyone that absolutely freaks out if you try to take a picture of them? um????????? me?????????????? Do you pick on them for it and attempt to take loads of pictures anyway? If someone doesn't want me to take a picture of them, I absolutely don't push them 'cuz I totally get it. How’s your posture? Bad. Have you ever had to take care of a fake baby in family ed? Thank God in Heaven no. I. Would. Have. Raged. ^ were you a good mother/father? N/A What’s your favorite way to wear your hair up? My hair is too short for that. But I generally find french braid buns SO pretty. Have you ever read a ‘banned’ book? Uh, I don't think so. What does your screen name mean? Favorite animal, meerkats, + favorite artist, Ozzy Osbourne. Have you ever had to take a sobriety test? N- no wait. They were mandatory when I've gone to the ER for suicidal thoughts. Do you like movies more if they’re based on actual events? It doesn't really matter to me. What’s the dumbest thing you’ve ever done with your cell phone? Idk, dropped it? What’s your opinion on gold diggers? Selfish, or smart? Both? Uh, I don't think it's exactly debatable to call it selfish... I mean, you're dating for the sake of monetary gain...? What would you do if your bf/gf was hitting on someone else right in front of you? I couldn't even try to picture her doing that, but obviously I'd be uncomfortable and jealous. What’s something you’ve done that you’ve sworn you’d never do? Idk, multiple things. Which ex of yours do you talk to the most? I only talk to Girt. Can you recall the first person you ever drank/got drunk/high with? I drank with family, probably, but I've never reached the point of being drunk, and I've never been high. ^ are you still friends? I mean, I love my family. Have you ever taken someone else’s vehicle without permission? No. What were you doing the last time you were videotaped? *shrugs* Is that something you’d be comfortable uploading and sharing? I don't know what it would be. Which friend wears the same size clothes as you do? Probably none? I don't have many friends to compare to. Is there anyone’s wardrobe that you’d like to steal? UM Suzy Hanson is a B A B E? ?? ? ? ??? I adooooorrrrre her clothing line (Psychic Circle), too, and so wanna buy something. Have you ever been lost in the woods? DARLIN I've watched The Blair Witch Project 2 much for that shit. What did you last stretch the truth about? Idk. Have you ever had withdrawals from something? Caffeine, and then WoW for quite a few months after I stopped playing for like, a year or more. Is there anyone on your friend’s list you know next to nothing about? I know at least one of Mom's friends that I've only met once, and briefly. How old is 'too old’ for you to date? I wouldn't date over 30 (I absolutely stg that has nothing to do with H I S age being 30 lmaoooo). How do you feel about guys in tight jeans? Skinny jeans look good on like, anyone. Favorite hour-long show? Uhhh idk. Well, at least out of the shows I used to like and would be most interested in watching, The Good Doctor. Favorite half-hour show? Meerkat Manor. Most people who’ve slept over at your house all at once? My current house? Just one, I think. Steak or chicken? Chicken. I'm piiiiickyyyy w/ steak. Is flirting really cheating? Yes, if you're clearly not just teasing. What’s something you own that’s /only/ of sentimental value? My pebble from my partial hospitalization program. What’s your choice of chips? Girrrrrllll gimme Cool Ranch Doritos. What song would you use to torture someone? i t ' s f r i d a y f r i d a y What is the weirdest compliment you have ever received? Probably that my nose was cute? If someone REALLY fat was upset, and saying how FAT they were, what would you say? First off, NOT say "you're not fat omg ur beautiful." I'M overweight and don't like when people say that. I'm perfectly aware that you're lying "for my own sake," which is sweet, but it's not helpful. Motivate me/the person to improve without being an asshole. Let them know I believe in them, which I do for ANYONE. If I could lose 60-70 pounds in a year, anyone can. What’s the funniest thing you’ve ever heard a kid say? So when I was very little and my mom gave me orange juice, I freaked out because it had pulp in it. And what did I say? "I CAN'T DRINK THAT IT HAS NIPPLES IN IT" look idk don't ask but boy does Mom love sharing that story. A random stranger walks up to you and says 'you’re hot’. You say: Most likely "go away." Possibly "thank you, but please go away." Actually yeah, that's more likely. Like it's flattering to know someone finds you attractive, but yeah, that's just uncomfortable for some stranger to do that. I also wouldn't want to really piss the person off. Do you send messages on Facebook a lot? Definitely not. Almost the only person ever would be Girt. Have you ever gone to a strip club? No. Not my kinda scene. Like I absolutely will not think less of someone who does this, but I just don't like but moreso feel bad for men or women who reduce themselves to their sexual capabilities. Do you like Chinese food over pizza? Hell nah man. Pizza is supreme. What color is your watch? I'm not wearing one. I never do. Do you believe in love at first sight? Absolutely not. Visual attraction, of course that's real, but I promise you dear, you don't love someone upon looking at them. When you eat Frosted Flakes, do you add sugar in it? I hate that stuff. Who’s the biggest hugger you know? Ashley's father-in-law's mom. ... At least I think that's what she is? Do you want to change your name? Nah, it's fine. Have you ever tried to erase someone from your memory? Of course I have.

#survey #questions #quiz #random #bored

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thedornishprincess · 5 years ago

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g2k me uncomfortably well

I was tagged by @eatmyshiftsticky thanks sweetie !! :) I’m sorry to answer to this so late but this week at wasn’t home and I couldn’t do it. I’m so sorry to also be less active here but never forget I love you all and I miss you !!!

1. What is your middle name?

I don’t have any middle name. Just a first name :) Anthea

2. How old are you?

3. When is your birthday?

30th May

4. What is your zodiac sign?

Gemini !

5. What is your favourite colour?

Black, Purple & Red

6. What’s your lucky number?

Uhm well... 7

7. Do you have any pets?

Not anymore... my cat died a month ago. But my neighbor’s dog really love me and I considere him as my own dog :)

8. Where are you from?

France

9. How tall are you?

5′5

10. What shoe size are you?

8 US

11. How many pairs of shoes do you own?

Hard question !! I think... 10

12. What was your last dream about?

I can’t really remember but It was something really weird and at the same time awful. It was actually a fucking nightmare

13. What talents do you have?

I can do some twirl with my drumsticks, I dance pretty well and I think that’s all ! LOL

14. Are you psychic in any way?

I don’t think so

15. Favourite song?

Dammmmmm !!! I can’t choose !!! It’s so hard !! Who are you, the devil ??! LOL ok so.... Don’t you ever leave me Hanoi Rocks

16. Favourite movie?

The Lord of the Ring and Forrest Gump

17. Who would be your ideal partner?

A fucking rockstar ! LOL A man open-minded, who loves music, films and he’s really clever, cultured with whom I would speak about philosophy, history and litterature. A man who has long hair would be perfect by the way !

18. Do you want children?

Yeah why not ! But not now

19. Do you want a church wedding?

In France, you can marry only in a church or in a city hall so... I don’t know now

20. Are you religious?

21. Have you ever been to the hospital?

Yes like a lot of people I suppose and many many times

22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law?

nope, I don’t plan on i

23. Have you ever met any celebrities?

Ok... I met a lot of celebrities, some are really famous and some not. This is a short list of celebrities I met : Richard Madden, Pilou Asbaek, Natalie Emmanuel, Eugene Simon, Joe Dempsie, Alfie Allen, Daniel Portman, Gemma Wheelan, Vladimir ‘Furdo’ Furdik, Isaac Hempstead-Wight, Iwan Rheon, Jerome Flynn, Iain Glenn, Jack Gleeson, Jacob Anderson and Duff Mckagan :) ( I met other celebrities but you may not know the name )

24. Baths or showers?

both

25. What color socks are you wearing?

white

26. Have you ever been famous?

Not sure ahhaha I’ve been interviewed few times but that’s all

27. Would you like to be a big celebrity?

I would ! maybe as an author or actress

28. What type of music do you like?

Rock ‘n Roll, Punk, hard rock, pop, soul funk...

29. Have you ever been skinny dipping?

I have never.

30. How many pillows do you sleep with?

Only two but I’ve got 5 more pillows on my bed

31. What position do you usually sleep in?

i’m either on my right or my left side in the same position of a baby

32. How big is your house?

It’s a single-story but enough big for 4 persons

33. What do you typically have for breakfast?

Orange juice with cake for eating ( in french the brand is ‘’ Bellevita ‘’ )

34. Have you ever fired a gun?

No I only did rifle shooting

35. Have you ever tried archery?

I’ve only really ever done archery during summer camp and it was a long time ago !

36. Favourite clean word?

Ok in French it’s ‘’ magnifique ‘’

37. Favorite swear word ?

In French again it’s ‘’ Va te faire foutre ! ‘’

38. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep?

One day only

39. Do you have any scars?

Yeah one in the back of my arm because I felt a year ago when I was doing fencing

40. Have you ever had a secret admirer?

No...

41. Are you a good liar?

Indeed I am. But I don’t like to lie.

42. Are you a good judge of character?

I’d like to think I’m good at reading people

43. Can you do any other accents other than your own?

British accent, german and spanish just for fun

44. Do you have a strong accent?

No in French and when I speak in English I try to have no French accent at all. My english teacher said that my english accent was a mix of an american, british and scottish accent. I can’t imagine it but why not LOL

45. What is your favourite accent?

British !!!!!

46. What is your personality type?

Crazy, shy, a bit lunatic and open-minded

47. What is your most expensive piece of clothing?

I don’t really have exepensive piece of clothing... maybe the most expensive is about 90 euros

48. Can you curl your tongue?

nope

49. Are you an innie or an outie?

Innie.

50. Left or right-handed?

right-handed

51. Are you scared of spiders?

Fuck yeah

52. Favourite food?

Pizza

53. Favourite foreign food?

Chili !

54. Are you a clean or messy person?

I hate mess ! I’m fucking clean person

55. Most used phrase?

Even in French I speak in english and I say ‘’ anyway ‘’. In French I say always ‘’ genre ‘’

56. Most used word?

‘‘ Fuck ‘‘

57. How long does it take for you to get ready?

An hour bc I stay around 20 minutes in my bed

58. Do you have much of an ego?

No, I don’t.

59. Do you suck or bite lollipops?

Suck them

60. Do you talk to yourself?

All the fucking time ! I’m asking questions to myself, talk in English to myself and having a conversation with myself. Yeah I’m crazy and so ?

61. Do you sing to yourself?

bitch yes, all the fucking time !!

62. Are you a good singer?

I like to think that I’m okay ( but that’s not true )

63. Biggest Fear?

Being Deaf

64. Are you a gossip?

Not really

65. Best dramatic movie you’ve seen?

Forrest Gump !

66. Do you like long or short hair?

I don’t mind either way but long hair....dammmmmmm !! That’s my weakness

67. Can you name all 50 states of America?

You’re funny girl ! Not at all !

68. Favourite school subject?

History

69. Extrovert or Introvert?

Introvert

70. Have you ever been scuba diving?

nope

71. What makes you nervous?

A lot of things

72. Are you scared of the dark?

Nope... sometime yeah but I’m gonna say no bc most of the time I’m not

73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes?

depends what kind of mistakes we’re taking here.

74. Are you ticklish?

yes, and I fucken hate it.

75. Have you ever started a rumour?

I don’t think I ever have

76. Have you ever been in a position of authority?

No LOL maybe few times but I can’t remember

77. Have you ever drank underage?

yeah maybe a glass but just one

78. Have you ever done drugs?

79. Who was your first real crush?

I’ve never really had a crush on a real person... but when I was a kind I had a crush on Aladdin from tht disney movie

80. How many piercings do you have?

Just my ears but I want more .

81. Can you roll your R’s?

a little, but only for like two seconds.

82. How fast can you type?

As fast as I can lol

83. How fast can you run?

... i hate running

84. What colour is your hair?

black, dark brown

85. What color is your eyes?

green and brown

86. What are you allergic to?

mushrooms and some medicine

87. Do you keep a journal?

No just a book where I write my ideas for my story I’m currently writting

88. What do your parents do?

My mother works in a hospital and my father is an electrician

89. Do you like your age?

Yeah...

90. What makes you angry?

A lot of things, but I’ve learnt to control it ( not always...)

91. Do you like your own name?

I love it !

92. Have you already thought of baby names, and if so what are they?

I have. Boy names : Peter, Michael, James. Girl names : Arwen, Diana, Alice

93. Do you want a boy a girl for a child?

I don’t have any preference

94. What are you strengths?

I don’t know ahahah

95. What are your weaknesses?

I can be very touchy

96. How did you get your name?

Long story !!!!! But my name came from a french metal band and so now I’m the mascotte of the band. ( send me a dm for more details ahah )

97. Were your ancestors royalty?

Nope

98. Do you have any scars?

I’ve seen this question somewhere else...

99. Colour of your bedspread?

White

100. Colour of your room?

Grey, purple and white

I’m not going to tag someone bc I’ve got to sleep right now or tomorrow I’m gonna look like a shit LOL

Love you all !!! XXX

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serendipityseulgi · 7 years ago

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soccer boy.

— lee jeno

･*:༅｡ the one where you fall for soccer player jeno.

aka, a really cute headcanon :)

so let’s make your best friend in this story our dearly beloved Mark Lee ™.

as your best friend he often tries to drag you to his soccer practices since soccer season has been coming up but you never rly got the chance to bc

p o i n t l e s s and b o r i n g

just kidding

you’ve just been super duper busy so you haven’t been able to attend

but AT LAST your schedule has finally freed and you get to see your bff in his element

so after school Mark’s dragging your arm onto the field and he’s all changed into his clothes and knee high socks with his new cleats that he made you buy with him

homeboi was so excited for soccer season

anywho

he’s dragging you on the field and all his teammates r giving him The Eyes ™ and the coach is all like

“Lee, is that ur girlfriend?”

and your eyes widened and he started fake gagging and you’re just about ready to scream

“EW NO WTF”

“no swearing, Lee.”

“sorry coach.”

but you’re literally retracting in disgust at the assumption bc

you love Mark more than anything yes, but he’s your bff and he’s just gross

anyways enough about Mark, let’s bring in Jeno.

so the moment you arrive on the field with Mark, Jeno instantly sees you

and he’s all **heart eyes**

he thinks you’re so pretty

and boom.

just like that,

he’s in love with you.

jk, not yet but he’s extremely interested in you and he's heard Mark talk about you a few times and from what he's gathered is that you’re super nice and smart and really funny and that you annoy Mark A LOT but that’s not important

so when Jeno sees you for the first time he literally loses his breath because what Mark failed to mention was that you were sO PRETTY

so you on the other hand are once again being dragged by Mark so he can introduce you to his teammates

you meet Jaemin and Donghyuck first, then Lucas, and a few other guys, but the last person you’re introduced to is Jeno

and when you meet Jeno

boom.

now YOU’RE the one in love.

and you notice his pretty eye smile, and his pretty face, and he has such a nice laugh

so there you go,

now you got a crush.

and if Mark finds out, then you’re in for hell of a shit show.

so you keep quiet and take a seat on the bleachers

now you promised Mark you’d come for him, which you did

but you couldn’t help but stare at Jeno

the whole time, might I add.

and you notice how .. freaking good he is??

see like i don’t know a lot about soccer but

this boy is scoring goals left and right

when he kicks the ball to pass it to another member it’s spot. on.

at a point he had to play in the position of the goalie and he managed to block every single damn goal???

HOW

you don't know

but what you do know is,

you're so impressed,, and it makes your heart go !!!!!

so about an hour and a half later the boys finish up and you go to meet Mark and he’s all like

“so how good was I doing?”

and you're all like “uhhhhh”

and he’s like

“you weren’t watching me were you.”

and you're like “I WAS AT FIRST.”

and he's not mad at all, because you've been to past practices before in the past many years you've been friends.

but he does question WHO you were watching because ..

if it wasn’t him then it was someone else on his team

you shrug it off and change subjects

but what you didn’t know what was that, while Jeno and Mark were taking breaks on the bench Jeno was asking so many questions about you

“Dude you didn’t tell me y/n was so pretty”

“Ew are you gross??”

“??”

“She's so ugly lmao.”

“Shut up she isn't.”

“Yikes.”

Mark is such a bitch but you know he's only teasing

anyways, he catches on to Jeno’s peaking interest in you

“You know, if you like her I can ask her about you.”

Jeno starts choking on his water as Mark starts patting his back.

“Wha- I don’t l-like her wha??t the ?? fuck ?? lmao stopnfnsns”

that’s enough indication that does in fact like you he's just too scared to admit it because he's only met you like .. half an hour ago and you guys talked for .. 30 seconds at most

anyways,

on the way home Mark starts asking you questions about Jeno and you're getting hecka nervous bc ???

he wasn't supposed to know so soon ??

“Mark why do you keep asking me about him, I met him like an hour ago.”

“I’m just wondering what your opinion is on the guy, am I not allowed to ask questions?”

“well for your information, you nosy fuck, he seems really sweet and he’s really cute.”

“ah, noted.”

“noted for what??”

“lmao did i say that out loud?? lol dwbi.”

so of course you started freaking out because Mark is about to expose your ass

“Mark don’t tell him oh my god, don’t ruin my life!!”

“RELAX. i’m not.”

and so to your better judgement you trust that your best friend will do as he says.

(( spoiler alert: he doesn't ))

so for the next few days you’re forced once again by Mark to attend soccer practices

in turn, Mark gasses you up to Jeno and he gasses Jeno up to you

to Jeno:

“so as much as i want y/n dead sometimes, she’s a really good best friend. she cooks for me, she takes care of me when i’m sick, she can be kinda strict but she’s also super fun to be around, she likes to drag me to different places to explore and she loves going to new restaurants and she especially loves getting ice cream or donuts at 2 in the morning and then sitting on the roof of her car to talk. see, if you date her you’re in for a fun ass adventure ;)))))”

to you:

“Jeno is very dedicated to soccer but this boi is hecka smart, so friendly, he really likes going out and having f u n and he also enjoys volunteering at that daycare next to our school bc he likes kids, and YOU like kids and wow, he’s amazing-”

“are you sure you don’t wanna date him Mark?”

“stfu and listen to me bitch, he is very nice as well so I KNOW for a damn fact that he’s gonna treat u really well. and you know how protective i get when guys try to talk to you, but clearly i like Jeno enough to let him date you.”

after that, you two were instantly sold for one another.

sO, it’s thursday right, and after a practice Jeno taps you on the shoulder and is like

“s-so I heard you um, liked, ice cream,, do you maybe wannacomewithmeandgetsome?”

and you nearly combust on the spot bc JENO JUST ESSENTIALLY ASKED YOU OUT

on the inside ur like!!@$@$#%!

but on the outside ur like, “ya sure why not.”

so you go to Mark and tell him you’re going with Jeno and Mark just winks at you and tells you to have fun and aLSO “DON’T FORGET OUR FIRST GAME TOMORROW” before pushing you off to go with ur soon to be man ;)

so Jeno can drive which means he has his own car and he opens the door for you and you get in and it smells so CLEAN AND FRESH

(stan a hygienic king)

he suddenly pulls off his shirt and you're like o_o

and he’s like “oH MY GOD IM SORRY. force of habit?? I always change in my car.”

and you’re like “DW IT’S OKAY” like really, you’re not complaining

but anyways, he relaxes because the last thing he wants is to already make you uncomfortable and he's relieved he hasn't royally screwed this up

so you two drive to your local ice cream place and this boi pays for you

you told him it was okay but he refused

so you guys go outside and the sun is starting to set and he helps you onto the hood of his car and he sits beside you

you guys start to talk

you tell him some stuff about your childhood, what subjects you liked in school, how Mark became your best friend,

all that Good Stuff

and then he begins to tell you about himself

he loves science and gym

hates math (but doesn't everyone tho lol)

he’s really close with his parents and he thanks them everyday for getting him into soccer

“My dad would play soccer with me when I was like 4, everyday he would take me out onto the backyard and set up a small net and I would play with him for hours until my mom would call us in for dinner, and then my mom noticed how good I was and she signed me up for a team and I’ve been playing ever since. They always encouraged me to get scholarships and to do my best, but only to do it so long as I was happy. And I think that’s why I love it so much is because they always made me feel confident about it and always encouraged me but they never pressured me to continue if I didn’t want to.”

you melt on the spot

and he would tell you what kinds of things he enjoyed doing other than soccer, and he, similar to you, liked going to new places and going on adventures

“we should make a bucket list and go on adventures together”

“really?”

“Mark might get a little jealous, but he’s always complaining, and I’ve spent too much of my life with him.”

Jeno laughed and your heart skipped a beat bc he has such a nice smile

“okay, we’ll make a bucket list.”

and so you do.

and now you have a whole list of things Jeno and you plan to do together.

you haven’t realized how many hours you’ve spent in the parking lot, laying beside each other on the hood of his car, your ice cream finished a long ass time ago

you check the time on your phone

it’s almost ten o’clock

you’ve spent nearly six hours with the kid, not that you’re complaining but you really need to get home bc school tomorrow

so he drives you home and you’re watching him

you realize right then and there that you’re in deep for the kid

when he drops you off you feel kinda sad but it’s okay bc he knows you’ll text him

“Thank you for tonight”

“Don’t thank me, I would do this again a million times.”

your heart? sNATCHED.

“You’re coming to the game tomorrow right?”

“Of course I am.”

“Good.”

he leans over and kisses you and you’re STUNNED

but you kiss back obviously and

you’re kissing for a solid minute before he pulls away, and his eyes crinkle into that eye smile

“I’ll see you tomorrow beautiful.”

“see you tomorrow”

aND YOU’RE ABOUT TO COMBUST BC WOW

and you walk into your house with biggest grin on your face and you go to sleep so so so happy

sO IT’S FRIDAY the school is joining for their first soccer game

everyone’s hyped as fuck and you’re wearing your school colours.

you get front row seats bc ur special to now TWO boys on the team

before the game starts Jeno sees you

“okay, fun fact, i always do a lot better when you watch me during practice, so now you’re my good luck charm. oh and also, if we win this game, you're my girlfriend.”

and with that he runs off and you’re just O_O but again

you’re not complaining

so the game starts and

things are going rly well

but then Mark gets benched for nearly assaulting someone on the opposing side and Mark is one of the best players

and a few of the other guys are benched to give the other players a chance in the game

you’re currently winning anyways so you don't worry too much

but then

no offence but now the sucky players are on

and now,

unfortunately, they’re losing by a lot

and you feel sad bc you know how hard these boys worked and also, Jeno’s words “if we win this game you’re my girlfriend”

sO DAMN YOU RLY WANT THEM TO WIN

they’re losing by a lot and you’re all in a slump and even tho the coach is starting to put back the better players they have a lot of catching up to do

it’s down to the last minute and you’re tied to the other team

you’re now feeling hopeless and everyone is on edge hoping for the best

Mark is now put back on to play

he passes the ball to Jeno and Jeno iS DOING THE FUCKING MOST

and guess what??

HE SCORES THE LAST GOAL SO

Y’ALL WIN!!

and so you run down the bleachers and you’re screaming and you practically tackle Jeno to the ground but boi is strong as fuck so he catches you and you’re so glad he won that you just

KISS HIM in front of the whole school

and everyone’s like screaming too now

and you pull away and he’s like

“you’re my girlfriend now.”

and the last thing he cares about is how he score the winning goal, all he’s focused on is that YOU’RE HIS GIRLFRIEND NOW

so fast forward, you’re officially dating

you’re dedicated as fuck to going to every single soccer game, and as tradition, you, him and Mark will go out for ice cream or pizza

sidenote, Mark gets a girlfriend so y’all will double-date a lot but also when you and Jeno hang out alone Mark no longer complains that he’s being left out

you’re still BFFs with Mark tho,

after all, he is the reason why you and Jeno are together.

Jeno as a boyfriend is honestly the most amazing feeling.

he is exactly how Mark described him to you, and after practices he’ll often take you to that daycare he volunteers at and you and him have a good ass time with the kids

one time he accidentally blurted out that he couldn’t wait to marry you and have kids of your own

of course he was embarrassed but you reassured him that you were perfectly fine with having that future

so he often talked about your future kids a lot

“-And our little boy or girl is going to be the next best soccer player. He or she will take after their mother’s good looks and their father’s amazing ball skills.”

you feel like your heart is going to burst

and Jeno will often take you out onto the field and try and get you to play soccer

you suck at it

but he enjoys spending time with you

and he’s so happy you’re wiling to do the things he loves

because yeah, soccer, and you (and school) are his biggest priorities

he begs his coach to make another jersey with his last name and number on it so you can wear it to his games

which you do

your coach lowkey loves you guys together so he does it

and Jeno forces you to take cute couple pictures with the jerseys and captions it something cheesy like “the two things i love” with your username and a soccer ball and heart emoji next to it

and Jeno has two soccer hoodies and he gives one to you because it smells like him and you LOVE the way he smells

and he loves the way you look in his oversized hoodie

OH and that bucket list you two made?

you complete every single one

and add more to it

every day is an adventure with him tbh

you two have so much fun

and you two have the best late night talks

you become each other’s lovers and best friends (shh don’t tell Mark)

you guys are so close

“All thanks to me fuckers” - Mark Lee, 2018.

Jeno loves you so damn much man

and you love him so much too

he makes you so happy

and you’re so glad that he came into your life

(thanks to Mark)

#lee jeno #nct jeno #jeno scenarios #jeno imagines #jeno fluff #jeno x reader #nct #nct dream #nct imagines #nct scenarios #nct reactions #kpop #kpop imagines #kpop scenarios #kpop reactions

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shatteredlovers · 6 years ago

Note

BABE ANSWER ALL OF THE QUESTIONSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

I’m gonna fight u

1. Who was the last person you held hands with? u2. Are you outgoing or shy? shy3. Who are you looking forward to seeing? u... and my nj peeps at the end of the semester4. Are you easy to get along with? ye i think so5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you? u do lol6. What kind of people are you attracted to? u 7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now? yes (:8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind? i’m wondering how my little brothers are making out in college!!9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? no10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? wendy, lexie, or dom I’m not sure11. What does the most recent text that you sent say? “she’s just bein safe!!”12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now? “Rivers and Roads” by The Head and the Heart, “Feels like Summer” by Childish Gambino, “Fallingwater” by Maggie Rogers, “Peach Scone” by Hobo Johnson, and I can’t think of another rn but I’m listening to “17″ by Youth Lagoon.13. Do you like it when people play with your hair? YES14. Do you believe in luck and miracles? yeah15. What good thing happened this summer? I got to spend it with u making memories16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? hell yeah (;17. Do you think there is life on other planets? yes18. Do you still talk to your first crush? no19. Do you like bubble baths? yes!!20. Do you like your neighbors? i don’t know them /:21. What are you bad habits? i’m messy tbh22. Where would you like to travel? oh god everywhere, but i’d really like to meet my cousins in Scotland23. Do you have trust issues? I did but I feel good now24. Favorite part of your daily routine? putting my feet up at the end of the day to eat and watch New Girl or Big Mouth25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with? maybe my teddies mostly bc they hurt my back lol26. What do you do when you wake up? i hit snooze about 6 times27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker? nah i’m chill28. Who are you most comfortable around? wendy29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up? all but one30. Do you ever want to get married? yes i do31. If your hair long enough for a pony tail? yes!32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with? rihanna and harry styles are prob my top33. Spell your name with your chin. sd jk,hg34. Do you play sports? What sports? i don’t anymore lol35. Would you rather live without TV or music? tv36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them? that was my entire childhood-adolescence 37. What do you say during awkward silences? nothing, they don't bother me rly38. Describe your dream girl/guy? u wendy!!!!39. What are your favorite stores to shop in? i like thrift stores, h&m, target, honestly wherever40. What do you want to do after high school? I’m gonna be a music therapist41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? no42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean? I’m probably either observing, spaced out, sleepy, or fuming.43. Do you smile at strangers? yeah44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean? ocean45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning? there’s stuff i gotta do46. What are you paranoid about? figuring out internship stuff coming in the next year47. Have you ever been high? once48. Have you ever been drunk? plenty49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about? no50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore? gray51. Ever wished you were someone else? when i was like 12/13 i did a lot52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself? i wish i was a little more organized53. Favourite makeup brand? thATS HARD54. Favourite store? barnes and noble55. Favourite blog? urs56. Favourite color? dark green57. Favourite food? eggplant parmesan 58. Last thing you ate? a lifesaver gummy that my client’s sister gave me!59. First thing you ate this morning? baby carrots60. Ever won a competition? For what? idk honestly lol i’ve won singing things61. Been suspended/expelled? For what? no62. Been arrested? For what? no63. Ever been in love? i’m falling right now.64. Tell us the story of your first kiss? i was taken advantage of so it kind of blew65. Are you hungry right now? very66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends? i like you all equally!!!!67. Facebook or Twitter? neither68. Twitter or Tumblr? tumblr69. Are you watching tv right now? no70. Names of your bestfriends? i have quite a few71. Craving something? What? u wendy i want to snug72. What colour are your towels? turquoise72. How many pillows do you sleep with? 173. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? sometimes but i usually hug wendy or my pillow74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have? 1, I got rid of everything but a sloth that my friend got me when i got into my car accident75. Favourite animal? dogs and owls76. What colour is your underwear? i’m not wearing any lol77. Chocolate or Vanilla? chocolate all the way78. Favourite ice cream flavor? chocolate fudge brownie ben and jerrys

79. What colour shirt are you wearing? gray-blue

80. What colour pants? gray81. Favourite tv show? i love the office, criminal minds, and new girl82. Favourite movie? When Harry Met Sally or Dead Poets Society83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2? original84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street? idk they’re different types of funny lol85. Favourite character from Mean Girls? idk86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo? squirt87. First person you talked to today? lexie88. Last person you talked to today? my supervisor89. Name a person you hate? i don’t really hate anyone, i just distance myself from people that are toxic to my wellbeing.90. Name a person you love? I love you, Wendy.91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now? nope!92. In a fight with someone? nope!93. How many sweatpants do you have? 3 pairs maybe94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have? too many (i.e. not enough)95. Last movie you watched? Scarface96. Favourite actress? eh97. Favourite actor? eh98. Do you tan a lot? no99. Have any pets? I HAVE A BUNNY HERE IN AZ AND IN JERSEY I HAVE TWO DOGS AND A FISH AT MY PARENTS100. How are you feeling? p good 101. Do you type fast?decently fast if i don't think about it lol102. Do you regret anything from your past? not really103. Can you spell well? yes my grandpa made me spell all the time as a kid104. Do you miss anyone from your past? no105. Ever been to a bonfire party? yes they're my fave106. Ever broken someone’s heart? yeah107. Have you ever been on a horse? no108. What should you be doing? my session summaries and activity write-up for tomorrow109. Is something irritating you right now? i slammed my foot getting out of the car and idk if i super fucked something up bc its hurts rly bad110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt? yeah111. Do you have trust issues? i did but i’m ok now112. Who was the last person you cried in front of? probably wendy113. What was your childhood nickname? M&M114. Have you ever been out of your province/state? yeah115. Do you play the Wii? i have before lol116. Are you listening to music right now? yes “let’s talk about feelings” by joywave117. Do you like chicken noodle soup? yes118. Do you like Chinese food? YES119. Favourite book? idk i rly like classics120. Are you afraid of the dark? partially121. Are you mean? i can be122. Is cheating ever okay? N O 123. Can you keep white shoes clean? no i suck124. Do you believe in love at first sight? no but you can click w someone125. Do you believe in true love? sure126. Are you currently bored? no127. What makes you happy? you, my friends, my family, animals, music128. Would you change your name? thought about changing it to my middle name129. What your zodiac sign? libra130. Do you like subway? eh jersey mikes is better131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? say thanks but i love wendy132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? i think i already answered this133. Favourite lyrics right now? idk134. Can you count to one million? no i lose focus easily135. Dumbest lie you ever told? idk lol136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed? closed and often locked137. How tall are you? 5′2138. Curly or Straight hair? i have straight hair but i love curly hair139. Brunette or Blonde? i love brunette hair140. Summer or Winter? summer in jersey, winter in AZ141. Night or Day? night142. Favourite month? October143. Are you a vegetarian? not a chance144. Dark, milk or white chocolate? DARK CHOCOLATE145. Tea or Coffee? i like both146. Was today a good day? yeah it was my session went rly well w my client147. Mars or Snickers? snickers all the way148. What’s your favourite quote? “If flowers can grow through blankets of melting snow there is hope for me” - @tylerknott149. Do you believe in ghosts? yes150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page? i don’t have a book anywhere near me unfortunately lol

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forgettinggirlinterrpted · 6 years ago

Text

Sunday 5/6

My roommates name is Shauna. She doesn’t flush and when I got here there was what I can only assume were soiled clothes in a brown paper bag.

A woman in the hall is also talking about her shit. I’m the youngest person here and im afraid to shower, there’s no door. The poop lady is cackling.

My roommate and I talked, she’s nice, and I met her night nurse and she is so nice. Her name is Maria.

I’m having a hard time figuring out why I feel like this. Its hard b/c I’ve been hungover but surely that’s not all it is. How do you recover from a hangover so bad you end up in a psych ward?

It weird not having my phone, I want to check twitter. I don’t want to go to group therapy tomorrow.

I just can’t stop crying, my eyes actually hurt.

My mouth tastes bad but I have no toothpaste.

I started reading this book called notorious nineteen and it is truly trash.

I don’t have the lights on bc Shauna’s sleeping- I feel like Mozart.

My eyes hurt, I might go call my dad again to get my moms phone number.

Ill be back.

Got Taylor’s # and called her/my mom. Maria gave me some antihistamines to try to calm me down/sleep.

My sisters want to come visit me on Tuesday.

I’ve only eaten a donut this morning.

There’s a painting of a window that is 100% mocking me.

I’m sweaty.

Some snaps I would be sending if I had my phone

*a pic of the little card that was on my bed when I came in w/ a number on it for housekeeping. Caption idea-

is this a joke?

It’s a work in progress.

*def a snap of me whipping/nay naying to the woman whose been singing in the hall all night (singer)

Shauna is snoring. There’s no joke there but its absolutely worth noting.

I just want to play candy crush.

Monday

(12:30 pmish) I feel like I’m in a dream. I’ve been sleeping all day- it turns out it was only like 3 hours tops.

I had so many dreams.

I just went and talked to a big ass table of doctors about my life and I just feel so groggy. They’re in there talking about me.

I skipped lunch b/c my tummy hurt so bad after breakfast.

Shauna puked everywhere.

I think she’s leaving.

Also turns out she’s in withdrawal AND pregnant.

And she has an infected injection site on her arm.

I just talked to my mom/dad/Taylor and asked them to bring me some books + shirts.

The nice psychiatrist said she would give me some adavan to calm me down. Also I skipped lunch b/c my stomach hurt so bad from breakfast but now I’m hungry so I guess they’re gonna order me something. I feel so weird. (might have napped here)

4ish pm

40 mg stratera (sp?), one mg atavan.

Finally left my room, I’ve been asleep all day.

Nurse went and got me a coke + a water and I saw they’re watching forgetting Sarah Marshall so I thought Id join. Everyone called me out when I came in since ive been hiding out. Bitches.

Movies suggested by the dude I’m watching FSM w/

- assassin’s creed

-Dogma

10 positive ways to describe myself

1. Legs that go up to my asshole

2. College educated

3. Big heart

4. Good sense of humor

5. Love babies

6. Love my friends

7. Good communicator

8. Love the outside

9. Big smile

10. Lovely family

9 positive coping skills

1. Talk to Taylor

2. Going on walks

3. Calling my parents

4. Reading

5. Going to therapy

6. Doing hw

7. Watching movies

8. Candy crush (questionable)

9. Eating veggies

8 things I’ve accomplished

1. College

2. Getting into grad school

3. Learning Spanish

4. Coming to the hospital

5. Making great friends

6. Moving a lot and making it through

7. Driving to SLC

8. Supporting myself (for the most part)

7 healthy things I can do each day

1. Eat well

2. Shower

3. Talk to my friends

4. Not drink

5. Clean my room

6. Clean my clothes

7. Do my hw

6 things I can change

1. My eating habits

2. Drinking

3. Exercising more

4. Getting a routine

5. Whitening my teeth

6. How I see myself

5 things I can’t change

1. How my family acts

2. How my friends act

3. The status of the US public school system

4. The amount of sunlight in my apt

5. My face

4 reasons I can’t give up

1. My family

2. I’m going to change the world

3. My friends

4. My future students

3 places I can get help

1. w/ dr. whose name I can’t remember

2. my apt (Taylor)

3. the hospital

2 people I can really trust

1. Taylor

2. my parents

1 reason I’m here

1. I need to not feel like this anymore

I’m holding myself back from asking why everyone’s here.

Assassin’s creed guy, also known as biting guy (an inside joke from earlier) and sweater girl are talking about if the food delivery guy has extensions.

We got called to dinner, now were finishing Sarah Marshall.

Biter dude told hair guy “nice hair”.

Oh my god, when peter sings about how much he hates himself, biter and white shirt turned to me and said dang sounds like he’s going to be in the room next o me! way to be self aware guys!

Just called my dad to find out about my stuff getting dropped off but turns out he did 2 hours ago and its all been in my room.

I started crying immediately b/c Taylor is amazing- she brought me the perfect books. It was like she was talking to me through the books.

She gave me b Franks autobiography and Jesse Donaldson’s ‘on homesickness’. And the book Amanda gave me. also wuthering heights and pastures of heaven. All so perfect.

Shirts is roasting the shit out of double lasagna (he ate… double the lasagna we all got for dinner).

He keeps saying he looks like he’s about to give birth

“I mean were already in the hospital we just gotta figure out what floor is maternity”

Wuthering Heights

1801- Mr. Lockwood +Heathcliff

Thrushcross Grange

Double lasagna is talking about the last time he had tequila- brother the last time I drank it I ended up here.

What an anecdote.

“they could have stolen my jewelry or even my virginity!” – about the guys who helped when he got too drunk. Double lasagna’s real name is * but he just introduced himself as Dorothy (to hair the night nurse helper).

Fake Abby (biting guy came to my room thinking I was her) is here and shirt just said “you’re awfully quiet” and she rejected him hard. It was awk.

One of the helpers is just chillin in here w/ us while I read my shitty book and we watch “just go w/ it” – its so bad.

One of the nurses (pony tail) just made me go on a walk down the hall w/ him. They all keep asking me how I’m feeling and I keep saying fine but I’m not. As long as I don’t talk I don’t cry. I’m starting to think I want to stay here longer but also leave right away. Its all so confusing.

Double lasagna just asked hair nurse if he could have his phone out of his bag and the way just looked up from his phone and said “nuh uh” was iconic.

Its 805 pm and I think I’m going see about getting my sleeping pills so I can just crash.

I need to document stuff better tomorrow b/c I don’t like how much of a blur today is.

I finally showered and I feel better I think. I just don’t know what the move is once I get out. Like I don't know how to talk to anyone.

I need Taylor to contact Morgan I think.

I’m sure she’s confused. Or maybe she doesn't care literally at all. Who cares. I’ve been surprised at how easily I’ve been sleeping today especially without my phone and with everything on my mind.

I need a talk therapist like yesterday.

I can’t bring myself to get through any of the books Taylor brought. The 19 book in such trash but it’s easy to read.

The shower needs to be pressed every 45 seconds to say on. I wore shower shoes.

Fake Abby doesn’t know what the move is, I can tell.

I called Taylor + my mom then got snack in my night meds. I mom told me to call back to talk to Mack so I just did. She’s lovely.

Double lasagna somehow talked to snack nurse into giving him a full sandwich. I got a strawberry poptart and a coke.

They’re checking in a new girl now who looks a bit like she’s closer to my age.

I’m happy she’s not my roommate.

I think tomorrow ill try to call family/friends less and trust the process. I need to really take a step back.

I’m just happy I feel comfortable sitting in the sun room. I knew a lot more about movies than they did

Goals for tomorrow-

Check out group

Find rec room/sign my name by Mack’s

Document everything

Keep room clean

They still haven’t cleaned Shauna’s side. Its off putting.

Have I mentioned they check on me every 15 minutes?

Its off putting also.

I wish I had just like some mascara or something. I hate to be that girl but damn.

My mom keeps trying to talk about the funny aspects of this but I can’t say I’m feeling them yet. Today just really was such a blur. I sept a lot then talked to therapists then I think went back to sleep? Then begged for lunch then I think slept? That’s where its fuzzy. Called my fam too much, I need to not tomorrow.

I also want to gain control of tv room tomorrow. Power move!!

Did I mention I called Chelsea? My brain is mush.

- Be more present tomorrow-

- Ask more questions-

be warned: new beginnings are rarely pure, and neither are the men who seek them

On Homesickness pg 23

Scott County

We are homesick most for the places we have never {truly} known

37, Franklin County

Questions to Proteus -> how do I get home? 45, Montgomery County

Tuesday

7:10 am

slept super hard but also had super vivid dreams. Mack and I talked about that last night.

She said she had never brought it up. I was a little restless, prob just bc they were constantly opening my door and eventually just stopped closing it.

I’m just trying to let go of control. I don’t want my phone back. I need to talk to someone about the insane anxiety I feel when I think about home back to the real world.

Even just being in my apartment scares me b/c it feels like its full of negative energy. I need to focus on the good when I get out.

I keep thinking about my phone bill and I can’t remember if I paid for internet. Also the maintenance light is still on in my car.

Even though mom and dad are coming today I need to be communicating less w/ outside world. If I really want to be off the grid I need to really b alone with me thoughts and be okay with it.

I kept feeling for my phone throughout the night.

I wonder what the nurses think of me. do I seem different than everyone else?

I keep finding myself trying to relate to the nurses, esp. the young male one (hair) but what am I trying to prove? That I’m not like everyone here?

Newsflash, asshole, I am

(I’m the asshole)

I need a sharper pencil- do you think a lobotomy joke will be appropriate when I request one orr?

I wonder if Prather has texted me. I’m supposed to sub on the 21st.

Yikes

Not looking forward to checking my bank account. I really spent a lot w/out giving a shit. It was freeing but I also haven’t worked in over a week + a half soooooo.

On homesickness is so dramatic but I love it. Makes me think of Taylor. (bc home, not the drama)

Also I think I’m getting fucking sick. Or, according to Lula (Flula) in 19, I’m getting hospital cooties.

7:27 am

I’m in TV room w/ singer. I asked what we’re watching and she said “some kind of cartoon”. She’s not screaming which is awesome. I’m going to read Wuthering Heights.

Almost 8

Called dad and asked him to bring me a pair of readers since my eyes hurt. Nice nurse #2 is here again. She’s blonde. I haven’t seen Maria again. Met another nurse too. She was young. Also there’s a fake nurse (fake nurses are in teal, like hair, and he real ones are in blue) who I def. know. Cant figure out from where, maybe high school? Either way, not cool with it. Also, they sharpened my pencil.

TIME TBD

Having a hard time focusing on reading. My eyes hut.

I don’t like waiting around.

Is it petty to point out inconsistencies in the rules? There’s different info on different sheets in the packet they gave us. Makes me wonder how closely these patients are reading it. Its all petty though, like whether or not we should take 5 or 10 minutes to use the phone or how many visitors we can have at a time.

I know myself too well, ill be bringing it up. I’m going to check on breakfast.

8:30ish

breakfast was sub par. Sat alone. New girl, sat w/ double lasagna. She only wanted milk so homeboy asked if he could eat hers! Has he learned nothing?? I ate pretty quick; I think I need to go back to sleep. I feel weird.

Time-?

Dr.?? (nice psychiatrist) came in and we talked. Started fine but I got really upset b/c of how much I feel like garbage and I don’t now if I want to be here. But also I don’t want to go back to the real world. She left and I went to go get a visteral 25 mg b/c I’m so upset. They gave it to me and when I got back to my room I 100% had a panic attack.

I felt like I was a kid again. Maybe its b/c I’m here but I’ve never been sure that what it was until now. They happened a lot as a kid and usually ended in my mom holding me and saying everything’s ok. Its so hard not having that now. I left my room and the med student from Sunday was in the hall and he came and talked to me until I calmed down.

With talking to them I finally feel like I’ve been able to verbalize how anxious I feel here along with how I feel about leaving. I just need to rest my eyes for right now, but when I’m up I need to write down what Dr. B said about when I get out.

I miss my parents.

Time unknown

Honestly can’t remember what happened next.

Social worker came in, she’s lovely. Talked a bit then I kept resting.

She gave me some info on how to stay grounded during a panic attack.

Then I think I went to the rec room to do a puzzle but then religion group started. I stuck around but then little dr came to get me and asked if I would meet with big table of doctors even though I hate it.

I did it but it made me upset again. They said they would come talk to me but they haven’t.

I fell asleep again then not Maria nurse came to tell me they’re gonna give me more adavan once my visteral wears off. Fell back asleep then got a drink/ate lunch.

My puzzle got hijacked so I brought a new one into my room. I hit a wall so I stopped to write all this down and go find out what they talked about it my meeting.

I think its around 1 pm.

2pm

Sat and watched how I met your mother for a little. Started crying. Asked a nurse when I was gonna get talked to when little doc came up. they gave me an adavan and now I’m waiting for him to come talk to me. the maid is making up Shauna’s old bed while I sit and cry. Very awk.

I don’t know why I keep crying. I just feel like I’m going to keep having these attacks. I feel so hopeless.

Still sitting here crying. Still no doctor.

My name is Abigail and I am safe. I am in the present and I am safe.

~505

lil doc came to talk to me and I got upset. I don’t understand what my next move is.

Just slept pretty hard until now then got dinner. Going back to sleep is very tempting.

I think I’m allowed another pill. What’s the point?

6:50 pm

I honestly don’t know what I’ve been doing since after dinner. I’ve been doing the puzzle in the TV room. I’ve been watching the office. I asked nice nurse if I could have another pill but she’s pretty sure she cane until its time for bed. My anxiety is pretty high right now my parents will be here in like an hour.

7 pm

officially been hoarding pencils. They say I can have an atavan at 10 pm for bed, but they gave me a V. im wondering if that’s going to help me sleep. They’re going to put me on abilify on top of my startera. I’m hoping they’ll give me some of this visteril to take home in case I start to freak.

Decided that in order to help me not get stressed I want someone to take my phone and ask me one by one about who texted/called/emailed and help me deal with it. Same w/ my bank statement.

I want to say I feel better, but I don’t know. Its just all a blur.

I want to see m parents so I can find out what the move is when I get out. Maybe a meeting with Andrea and social working and one of them would be cool.

I don’t want to get out after Taylor leaves. Fuck.

Double lasagna and biter left.

* is still here, and fake Abby is MIA.

New girl who I don’t know

New guy Brandon- wears vans

And tad who Mack warned me about. Apparently he called 911 on the nurses from the phones.

Bold move.

Fake Abby and I are friends. I think she’s lonely, I know she wants to be my roommate, but I can’t deal with that.

Now I just kill time until mom gets here.

930 ish?

Mom and dad came and I feel a bit better. Mom and I did our crossword puzzle and dad and I figured out grad school. I also had him assure me I don’t need to worry about $ right now.

I asked for a pen but they said no. but I STOLE ONE FROM MY DAD!!

Honestly its low on ink but just having it feels great.

Just called my mom and said goodnight to Mack. I feel ok. Mostly just shook b/c of how much of a dream this all feels like. But I’m ok. Time to crossword and eat my poptart like the star patient I am. And I’m gonna do it in god damn pen!

Goals for tomorrow-

- track when all meds taken

- get better at checking time

8am

slept like shit. But I think I might go home today?! I’m sick so my head fucking hurts. I dontknow what to think. I just want to sleep in my own bed.

11am

talked to dr. B + some of the team and I think I’ll just stay another night. It was hard for me to think of what I wanted to b/c I just woke up. but she made a good point that if I’m sick and drowsy it could be good to stay since they’ll change the time I get the abilify. I don’t know. Just very tired.

1109

Watching fresh prince. Thought there was gonna be group in here, but so far nothing. Fuck this.

Fake Abby told shirt he looks like Carlton and no shit he kind of does. He deadass did the dance while he was walking out. He thinks side burns were cool. Now singer is singing Elvis songs.

Newer girl is even scarier she’s very touchy. Seems like she doesn’t listen.

singer is standing directly in front of the tv. She threatened to fire the nurse that told her to stop.

Shirt is leaving today.

New girl just came in and snatched the stuff out of singer’s hands and then tried to talk to everyone. Now singer is out for blood. New girl is wild.

1140

going to lay in bed until lunch.

~12

slept a little until lunch. Hamburger and a coke.

I’m def staying another night. Thinking of some ideas for pickup since I need someone to go back to my apt w/ me.

I think that’s the move. And then if its horrible I can try to stay somewhere else. I’m thinking of asking my sisters. Idk. Might call some of them now.

I’m really just waiting to get something for my cough.

215

just slept super hard

even denied taking my cough meds so I could sleep more

I finally got into the rec room and unsurprisingly it was a disappointment.

Couldn’t find macks mark so I left.

Gonna go try to get more crossword

255

just called Chelsea, she said she would try to come over after work/talk to liv about doing the same. I just want to take a real shower.

Crazy Tad just said hi to me.

New girl (maid) is asleep sitting up, we’re watching that 70’s show.

My shirt smells like Keenan.

Also its almost snack!

Hmmmmm 4?

took a shower after smashing a poptart. The sheets they gave me to use as a bathmat smells like actual piss and shit- maybe I shouldn’t have wrapped myself in it.

A little before 5

Slept again. Got woken up for dinner. It was ok. God I’m so fucking tired.

I’m glad I’m writing everything down b/c its all such a blur.

Cant remember if I already wrong down that I talked to chels. I want help meal prepping and doing some laundry. Also someone to sleep over. I want my own bed, but I don’t want to be alone. I don’t want my phone. I don’t know what good anyone can do me right now until my meds get figured out. I don’t know!!

I met my new nurse, DD, who said I’m taking my abilify in an hour. Then I want my sleeping pills so I can konk out, ugh.

Time to lay down. Again.

I think I fell asleep again?

Went to get my abilify around 615. Panic attack happened again.

I can’t stop crying and I don’t want to be here anymore w/out talking to someone about all my regrets.

I think more than anything I’m really disappointed with how this whole thing is going down.

Just want to stop crying.

830 pm

calmed down. Kind of okay w/ leaving but also so anxious.

844

Singer has 12 different personalities.

About to go ask for my meds/follow up on what’s up w/ the nurse’s research

9ish

Ate a poptart. Nurse was doing meds so she hasn’t looked into anything. Took 2 hydroxizines (50 mg) + a 3 mg melatonin. Called dad, still not a grad student. Very frustrating. Everything sucks but its ok bc I am Abigail Nash and I am safe in the present. I am not in the past. The present. And there are people that love me.

Thursday

- if… because then

- one day at a time

9 am?

Had breakfast, found out I’m going home today.

Called mom + dad, and mom is gonna pick me up around 5

2 more free meals!

Getting a therapist is going to take a minute but I feel ok about it

Nurse Nadine is so sweet.

These people are getting the wildest thank you cards later.

930

I’m going to get a watch

I don’t like not always knowing the time

That fucking short haired nurse came in again and gave me shit for being in my room

Don’t know her name

But I don’t want to

I’m getting out here short haired lady! And I’m pulling out to win!

I’m getting sleepy, fuck

I have like 8 hours to kill

Soooo

Suddenly now that I know I’m getting out I feel like some kind of bubble has been burst and I feel semi normal

Am I really the Angelina Jolie of this place? Not actually Angelina, but her character from Girl Interrupted?

She’s hot in that too, though.

Final thoughts for now- RIP Brittany Murphy.

925

group- only going because nurse Nadine is leading it.

Tad gave a very sweet little speech about his dad

Grabby girl wouldn’t share, she it nuts

But now miss congeniality is on!!

1055

cute rec therapist let me into the rec room. I wrote

SCABZ

In big letters on the table, and made a picture frame. Also played ping pong with grabby. I’m not even going to go into how that went.

Update: grabby thinks I’m her mom

My best gift:

The gift of travel. Travel in the sense of moving, traveling to see a friend, or a friend traveling to see me. travel has allowed me to maintain friendships w/ people I usually wouldn’t. Another gift coming from travel is my best friend, Taylor who traveled to another state for school, where I met her. And the gift of going to visit my best friend in France a few years ago who I’ve known since I was 9.

~~~~ when the party is at it’s best, it’s time to leave the party ~~~~

- Tad’s ex-father-in-law

almost noon

Tad (ok turns out its not the Tad Mack was talking about) said some really good stuff in group and when he was talking about finding balance I said, “like the yin for your yang?” and he did not know what I was really talking about but it fit into the convo really well. So I started to draw him one and when it was over I gave it to him and he was really touched. I feel really good about it. It sucks I’m just now getting to go to group but I think my meds might be working b/c I haven’t gone back to sleep yet.

Also, they said I could keep 19!

I need to get some books together to donate. And some puzzles.

After lunch

Pulled pork. Singer change the channel on TV to cartoons. I see a nap in my future. Also brushing my teeth.

There’s a new kid, he’s gotta be newly 18 b/c he looks young.

Tried playing monopoly w/ Tad, maid, and new guy, but it devolved.

Thought he was cute but he might be nuts (shocker)

I said he was welcome to my books and he looks a mans search for meaning and I’m about to leave so I don’t think im getting it back.

Amanda wrote a nice note in it. That sucks. I gotta stop being so nice.

I asked them to give me a visterile and they did. I should be ready to rock when mom gets here.

430

did more painting- made a weird sign for door knobs. No sign of homeboy + my book. I kind of don’t want to leave, but I refuse to let myself have fomo in a place like this. Idk what the move is for my book. He better be reading it. I don’t want to leave before dinner so he can at least have a chance to say something to me about it.

Tad is really fun to hang out w/. he is really nice. We talked about grounding during panic attacks and he invited me to play monopoly and we talked about how it sucks that we all just started talking to each other but that’s also prob just a sign that the meds are working.

I saw he put my yin yang in the front of his journal. Very sweet.

This isn’t to say he isn’t totally nuts. Also, young guy said my voice reminded me of “stuff” what the fuck.

Grabber called me mom and tried to give me her hand.

2 notes · View notes

folkloreguk · 7 years ago

Text

Pick Me Up (optional bias smut)

(yes I did use ioi’s song as a title for my smut pls don’t fight me)

warnings: smut, horrible pick-up lines

pairing: reader (fem) x optional bias (male)

A/N: I thought about Ilhoon from BTOB when I wrote this but you can literally imagine anyone! I didn’t proof read this bc it’s late and I wanted to post it, but I’ll do that tomorrow. I hope you won’t find mistakes and even if you do, enjoy reading!! x

(H/N means “his name”)

[I wish I could tag my masterlist here, but if I do this post won’t show up for you guys anymore, but I havea link in my description!]

You were convinced. He was the most annoying fuckboy you had ever met. There were at least 10 other girls in your class, that were just as good looking as you. But for some reason he had chosen you. You didn’t understand why, but ever since he had first seen you, he hadn’t stopped trying to get with you. The amount of times he had asked you for your number was out of control. Not that you were going to give it to him any time soon.

You had to admit, he was smooth. He never seemed to run out of energy when it came to making up pick-up lines and asking you about your previous boyfriend. You had broken up with him after he had cheated on you. It turned out he had only been in it for the sex, and it prompted you to have lost all trust in boys. Otherwise, mr. fuckboy was the annoying but smart kid in class, who every teacher wanted to hate. They simply couldn’t, though, because no matter how many silly remarks he made, he always made up for them with just as many clever ones. He did manage to make you laugh too, at times when you weren’t busy being annoyed at him. All he seemed to think about was sex. And you.

The worst part about hating his acting though, was, by far, his handsomeness. Of course you would never admit it in his presence, but you didn’t exactly think he was ugly. But being attractive wasn’t all it took to make you open up to him. A boy. Boys, of whom you knew you shouldn’t trust them ever again. Sometimes you felt yourself doubting your devotion when you stared at him. When he grinned slyly after having made a smooth remark towards you before he turned around in his seat, facing the teacher who had probably warned him about interrupting the lesson already. But you were strong-willed.

“Shut up,” you muttered at him under your breath, glancing at the clock in the corner of the class room. 5 minutes to go. You can do this. He grinned, not fazed by your comment. He had just showed you an actual screw he had brought from home. “Wanna screw?” had his exact words been. You had never been this done with anyone. Lucky for him, your teacher had no interest in warning his students for interrupting. Especially because no one was listening anymore when there were only 4 minutes of the lesson left.

“I admit, not my best one. Here’s another one,” he said. Oh boy, here we go again. “If I flip a coin, what are my chances of getting head?”

You wished in that exact moment you could slap his smirk off his face. Why did he have to sit in front of you? 3 minutes left.

“Your chances are smaller than zero, how many times do I have to tell you?” you muttered.

“Actually, my chances would be 50%. But I guess you- Ow!” he let out, as you had smacked his arm playfully. “You know you’ll say yes one day.”

“In your dreams,” you laughed ironically. “Can’t you just behave like any other normal student for a minute?”

And so he did. For the last minute, he turned around and shut up. You were almost impressed. Now and then you caught him taking a glimpse at the clock on the wall, eager to leave just like anyone else in the room. At the same time, you caught yourself staring at him. Black skinny jeans, deep blue sweater, some sneakers. Nothing out of the ordinary. His hair looked a little messy from where he ran his hand through it earlier (Not that you had noticed that, too). Then, the bell rang. Finally. Voices bubbled up and chairs scratched over the floor. You packed your bag just as he stood up, placing his own bag on his table. Rummaging through it, he pulled his phone out, checking the screen. A second later, his face darkened in concern.

“Crap. There’s something wrong with my phone,” he cursed. You were 900% ready to get out of this classroom, but being the good person you were, you worried at his genuinely stressed expression. When he was being normal for a minute, you couldn’t help but be polite.

“What is it?” you asked. He looked at you for a moment, then sighed.

“Your number isn’t in it,” he said, sounding completely serious. Was he for real?

“And that’s the way it should be,” you caught yourself. “I need my break from you when I’m at home.”

And with that, you left him standing. If you just had his determination and used it for school work, you’d have heavenly grades. You dragged your body home, feeling unusually tired. You didn’t have a big appetite, which was unusual, and couldn’t focus on anything.

The next day you were sick. You were sure it was nothing serious, but decided to stay at home either way. At least in your bed you would be left alone. No pick-up lines for a day seemed like a week of holidays to you. It was a Thursday filled with coughing, sipping hot tea and watching your favorite TV show. You felt better in the evening, but not exactly healthy.

The next day you walked into the kitchen. It was morning and you were ready to leave for school again. The second your mother heard the ugly cough leave your throat, though, she sent you straight back to bed. Fine, you thought. Even though you didn’t feel sick anymore, another day in bed surely wouldn’t hurt. It was Friday anyway, allowing you to be excited about the weekend already.

Around noon you decided to check your phone for messages from your friends. You were sure you had missed homework and other school stuff you didn’t exactly feel like dealing with. To your surprise, none of your friends had messaged you about homework. Instead, you found a text from an unknown number.

unknown number: hey

you: who is this??

unknown number: if you were a Pokemon, I’d choose you

you: how the hell did u get my number???????

unknown number: we got paired up for a project

you: what u talking abt???

unknown number: mr. smiths made us a pair for the history projects so ur friend had to give me ur number. its due to monday

you: what the hell????

unknown number: I didn’t come up with the dead line

unknown number: btw what’s with all the question marks

you: it’s called confusion

you: so when do we meet up?

unknown number: tomorrow? my place

You knew your parents wouldn’t be at home all day, and praying that his would be, you said yes. So there was still a small chance you wouldn’t have to spend an entire afternoon in a house alone with him.

On Saturday afternoon you had thrown on a random sweater with some pants, your sneakers and left your house. When you pulled up in his driveway you instantly noticed the lack of cars. He’s not getting into my pants, you told yourself. Why did you even have to remind yourself? For some reason, you felt nervous.

He ripped the door open around two seconds after you had rang the bell. In surprise, you flinched. The way he leaned against the door frame and grinned smugly made you frustrated. And you hadn’t even entered the house.

“Come in,” he made a dramatic gesture behind him, waving you inside. It almost made you laugh. Almost.

“Okay, first of all, rules.” You entered the house and looked around.

“Rules? What is this? BDSM?” he asked. You rolled your eyes. He nodded his head towards the stairs and you followed him.

“Focus,” you said, making him chuckle even more. “No pick-up lines. We need to get stuff done if this needs to be finished by Monday. I really need a good grade on this. Smiths already hates me for no reason.”

“Do I really distract you that badly?” he asked, smirking and turning around to you. His hair was messy, but in a good-looking way. His collar bones peeked out from under his shirt. You guessed he did distract you a little.

“See? That’s what I meant. Keep those comments in. At least until we’re back at school,” you said, entering his room after him. It looked cozy, and like he had just cleaned up. You hadn’t expected him to be messy, but not this clean either.

“Oh, I’m sorry. That’s literally my character, if you haven’t noticed yet, sweetheart,” he said, sitting down at his table, smirking again.

“Sweetheart?” you asked in disbelief. You realized that he wouldn’t stop with his comments until you did. And because fighting wouldn’t get you anywhere, you decided to shut up and start working. Your topic was the most boring subject you had ever heard about, making it even more bothersome to research it. It had been at least three hours. He had kept quite calm throughout it all, but you still seemed to struggle to make progress. You had taken your space on the floor, leaning against his bed. Around you, pens and papers were sprawled across the floor while you bit your lip trying to figure out a structure for your presentation.

“I need a break,” he murmured quietly from his desk. You only hummed, your thoughts focused on the presentation. Your hand ran through your hair, sighing in stress. He cleared his throat, making you jump.

“Looks like you could need a break too,” he laughed. “I’m gonna get a glass of water. Do you want one as well?”

Still in concentration, you snapped out of your trance slowly. You got up while nodding, deciding he was right, for once.

You watched the back of his head as he walked. The work had made you sleepy and dizzy, a little as if you were drunk. Crazy thoughts flooded your brain all of a sudden. Your fingertips tickled at the thought of running your hands through his hair, down the nape of his neck. You had always loved his neck, you just never had admitted it. Shaking your head, you asked yourself what had suddenly gotten into you. All you hoped for was for the water to wake you up and let you focus again. You entered the kitchen.

You thanked him when he handed you a glass of cold water. After you had downed it, you still didn’t think clearer.

“I don’t think we’ll get to finish this today. My mom wants me to be home by eight for dinner,” you admitted. It was already half eight. “What are you doing tomorrow?”

For a moment he blinked at you, then he grinned. You already knew what that expression meant.

“I mean…hopefully you…,” he mumbled. When you playfully lifted your hand as if to smack him, he held up both hands in surrender and giggled. “Okay! I don’t have plans, alright?”

“That’s literally all you had to say,” you let out, shaking your head at him.

“Y/N. Be honest for once. You like my pick-up lines,” he urged you. You laughed ironically. “Deep down, you do.”

“You drive me insane,” you said.

“That wasn’t a no!” he yelled in success, putting down his glass. “Come on. What’s so bad about me? What wrong have I ever done to you?”

You were taken aback by his sudden question. What wrong had he done to you? He had never been rude, only his goofy, sex-obsessed self. You glanced at his face. His eyes were waiting for an answer, hands crossed above his chest.

“I’m just not very fond of boys after my ex cheated-” you began.

“Seriously? You compare me to your ex-boyfriend?” he asked, genuinely offended. It was true, he was nothing like your ex. Much funnier, to begin with.

“I’m not comparing you! I guess I just don’t want to get involved with a guy any time soon,” you admitted.

“It’s not like I want to get married to you!” he argued.

“Wow, thanks,” you laughed at his defensiveness. “What do you want, then?”

He tilted his head at your question as if saying “Are you serious?”. Suddenly, he took a step towards you, startling you. Your body backed up against the counter, hands gripping the hard material as he studied your face.

“You know exactly what I want,” he breathed out. His face was so close to yours, you could feel the air from his lungs on your skin. It made your heart beat restlessly. His hand went under your chin, as if telling you. It was you, he wanted. You waited for his lips, but they never touched yours. He was waiting for your reaction. You realized he wasn’t going to kiss you without your consent. The boy wasn’t just determined, he also had one hell lot of self-control. Unlike you.

You closed the space between the two of you, lips colliding. Kissing him felt like triggering an avalanche of built-up frustration and emotions that had only been waiting to break free. His hands grabbed your sides roughly. He finally had what he wanted. In agreement, he let out a low sound when you pushed your body against his, chests touching. His tongue swiped over your lip, and you opened your mouth instantly. He tasted of bubble gum and smelled of cologne. His hands were even more eager than his mind, exploring your hips and waist, tugging at your clothes impatiently. You felt as if a ton-heavy weight was slowly lifting off you as you relaxed against his controlling touch and dominant kisses. He was right. Sex wouldn’t hurt your feelings. Not like your ex-boyfriend had. But your thoughts of him washed away in a blink when the boy in front of you pulled away and turned his attention to your neck. Your breath was shaky when he kissed you roughly, his teeth scraping against your skin. For a moment you let your head hang back, closing your eyes. His lips were soft but so passionate at the same time.

When your eyes opened, they fell onto the clock above the fridge. It was five to eight. Your eyes widened in shock.

“Wait, hold on,” you mumbled, softly tugging at his shirt. The look he gave you resembled a puppy whose food had been taken away. “I gotta get home, or else my mom kills me. She wants to have a family dinner. I’m sorry.”

He pouted, but nodded hesitantly. You wished you could’ve just been that rebel that ignored their parents for once. But that’s not who you were.

“But you’ll come over again tomorrow, right?” he asked, hope in his look as he showed you the way to the door.

“Yeah. To finish the project,” you emphasized.

“Sure,” he grinned, rolling his eyes. For the first time, you couldn’t blame him for thinking about sex now.

“I mean it! We’re not even halfway through, especially the presentation is not even close to finishing. We still need to write the entire text and draw the map. It’ll never work out,” you suddenly started to worry. Tomorrow was your last day and you had to spend it working with a boy that was sexually frustrated because of you. Which you, by the way, were as well.

“I’ll work on it tonight, maybe I get to finish it,” he said, completely calm.

“If you finish the project tonight I’m the princess of China,” you joked.

“And you’d let me have what I want?” he asked, unfazed. Let him have what he wanted. You laughed at him. There was no way he could finish the project by himself, in that short time. But a boy can dream.

“Yeah, sure,” you said, already out the door. “Bye. See you tomorrow.”

The next day at 3 you left your house, your bag full of pens, books and paper. You remembered the way to his house perfectly, and pulled up in front of it 10 minutes later. You chewed on your lip nervously whilst waiting for the door to swing open. You had thought the feeling would’ve gone away by now. But no way. The second you laid eyes on him when he opened up, you wanted him even more than yesterday. His hair looked freshly done but you wished you could mess it up. His lips were parted slightly as his gaze ran over your figure. You hadn’t worn anything special, just casual clothes. Yet he eyed you as if he never wanted to look at anyone else. When his look met yours, you looked away shyly.

“Come on in,” he said, completely relaxed. Without words you followed him to his room. The half which had the bed looked practically untouched. The other half, however, was a tornado-like chaos. Various pens sprawled across all surfaces and paper with messy notes covered every surface.

“Told you,” he grinned proudly. You lifted your eyebrows when he carefully stepped over the paper maze and grabbed a stack of them. Proudly, he handed it to you. You couldn’t believe your eyes. While he watched you, your eyes scanned the text quickly, making sure it made sense. You had known he was smart, but not this smart. Suddenly you wished you could do all of your projects with him.

“You did this by yourself? Last night?” you asked, still surprised. He chuckled.

“Indeed. It took me until three in the morning, but it’s done now,” he said. “Not a big deal.”

“Why didn’t you work that hard yesterday when I was over?” you asked.

“Honestly? I wanted you to stay over longer,” he admitted. His determination was definitely out of control.

“And now you asked me to meet again. If you were finished anyway you didn’t need me to come over,” you noticed. Then you remembered his words from last evening. He wanted his reward. You caught him licking his lips and your stomach flipped. Quickly, you looked over the text in your hands again.

“Is this how badly you want to get into my pants?” you joked, gesturing to the paper.

„Actually I think I just discovered my love for the history of the Medieval and Modern Africa,“ he explained matter-of-factly. You laughed out, and at the sound his eyes crinkled up too.

“Oh, of course, I’m sure of it,” you played along. “You know I could still say no now, and you’d have to accept it, right?”

He thought for a second.

„Sure, you could and I would. That sounds a lot like you’re saying yes, though,” he commented, smirking his famous, way too confident smile. He had never been more right and you knew it.

“Look. This one time, I’ll let you get away with it. But for the record, you can’t buy me with work. I’m only agreeing because I wa-” you started, holding up your finger. Suddenly, he walked over to you, grabbed your sides and attacked your mouth with his. You let out a surprised sound and stumbled backwards. You didn’t fall, though, because his grip on you was tight and after three chaotic steps your back hit the wall. There was no way for you to leave now, (not that you wanted to anyway) as his hands lay flat against the wall on your sides and he kissed you like his life depended on it.

He wasn’t doing anything particularly dominant, but the way he had you caged between the wall and his body and controlled the way you kissed him made your knees feel weak. Your previous boyfriend had made you feel good, but in a very sweet way. The boy that was all over you right now, however, seemed to not have the word vanilla in his vocabulary. You had no problem with him being rough. When you thought about it you let out a low whimper, to which he responded with a low growl.

“I’ve waited for so long, I thought I was gonna go insane,” he breathed against your lips as your chest heaved at the intensity of his kisses. You didn’t know how to speak anymore. Instead, you grabbed his neck and pulled him against you again. The way his tongue moved over yours made you wonder what else it could do to you. Involuntarily, your legs pressed together.

His hands were pulling your hair softly before moving downwards. Almost innocently they wandered over your chest, but you instantly arched your back, wanting more. They continued over your sides, holding you firmly by your hips. Then, they began lifting your top eagerly. You didn’t hesitate. It landed on the floor and meanwhile, he took off his own. You eyes barely had any time to admire his toned upper body, before they closed when his lips attacked your neck fiercely. His hands grabbed your ass and you moaned slightly. The way his lips played with your senses made you feel like melting underneath his teasing touch. They were rough and biting, and a second later soft and soothing. Your head leaned against the wall as he skillfully opened your bra, letting you toss it to the side carelessly. You whimpered at the sudden contact when his lips closed around one of your nipples, his hand playing with the other. His teeth grazed over your skin repeatedly, surely leaving purple marks. At least no one would see them there.

When he pressed his body against yours, you felt the bulge in his pants had grown. That didn’t take long, you thought proudly. On the other hand, you weren’t surprised. He was basically begging you to let him fuck you on a daily basis. You laughed quietly. While he was playing with the waistband of your pants, almost dragging them down, he reacted.

“What’s so funny?” he asked, confused but amused. You blushed, helping him to get rid off your pants, his following afterward.

“I was just thinking about how happy you must be now,” you explained, teasing him.

“I’m in heaven,” he didn’t hesitate to say. You were busy laughing as he took your arm and lead you to his comfortable looking bed. Turns out it didn’t just look the way. First, you admired his soft sheets, but then your focus diverted to him. To his mouth, to be exact. He kissed down your chest teasingly, but you felt how eager he was to get to your lower region. His hands stroking over your hips so tenderly were a massive contrast to his mouth. He licked and bit your skin until he reached the material of your underwear.

“You’re sure about this, right?” he asked. You wondered about his sudden hesitation.

“Of course I am,” you assured him, begging him to continue with your look.

“And you’ve done this before, right?” he asked. You were taken aback.

“What made you think I haven’t?” you asked, getting really impatient by the second.

“I just thought…, maybe you didn’t react to my pick up lines and jokes because you had never-” he explained. You laughed out. He looked puzzled.

“The problem wasn’t that I hadn’t had sex before, which I have, by the way. Your pick-up lines are just really, really bad,” you joked, grinning at him. He was playfully outraged.

“Okay, wait, you’ll love this one. Why do-,” he began, but was cut off by your voice.

“I am laying on your bed, half-naked and you’re trying to impress me with a pick-up line? You can do better than that,” you scolded him, chuckling. The tension between your legs became more unbearable with every passing second of him not touching you, and you couldn’t handle it.

“You’re right. I’ll show you how to be truly impressed, don’t worry,” he was back to being his cocky self. You were almost glad, because finally he pulled down your underwear. You lifted yourself up on your forearms, watching him as he breathed hot air against your wet center. Gently, his arms wrapped around your bent legs, laying on your lower stomach.

“Please, hurry,” you begged. He smirked, and you almost regretted saying it. Then you sucked in a breath when he licked a stripe over your folds, teasing you endlessly. He chuckled lowly when you let out a mix between a whimper and a groan, only leaving you more eager. His tongue was way too gentle on you. Forcingly, he pushed your legs apart further, giving him better access. When his tongue went over your clit, he suddenly stopped the game. While his finger nails dug into your stomach’s skin, he sucked on your clit, first hard, then softly and so on. He hadn’t been lying. Your throat left a breathy moan when he continued with licking, this time stronger than at first. As time went on, his muscle became faster and you felt yourself become weaker. You had to admit, he looked extra good laying between your thighs. You smiled in bliss, forgetting everything else around you.

“You’re so damn good at this,” you said, but the last part ended in a whimper when he payed extra attention to your sweet spot, making you see stars for a second.

“Told you,” he mumbled, barely pulling away. The vibrations his voice sent through you made you grip the bedsheets tightly. “If you would’ve only realized it sooner.”

He smirked up at you, not stopping his actions. Your stomach twisted in pleasure and anticipation. At this point, holding yourself up was no point anymore. You let your upper body fall backwards, the soft sheets catching you as you closed your eyes. You felt like you wanted to get even closer, although his face was basically buried between your legs. You squirmed under his grip when you felt yourself near your release.

“Stay still for me,” he ordered. There was only a little dominance in his voice, yet it made you want to behave. Even though you knew you couldn’t.

“But I’m so close,” you whimpered. He only took your words as a motivation. Faintly, you wondered how he had gotten so good with his mouth. His hands made you shiver even though they were gripping your body with roughness, keeping you in place. As you felt yourself get closer and closer to your release, your hands went to his hair. He slowed down for a second, but then he realized you didn’t want him to stop. The short break seemed to have left you even more sensitive. When he began sucking your sweet spot again, you almost couldn’t take it. His tongue leaped at your clit quickly. All you could do was close your eyes and attempt to control your moans. Within seconds you were coming, squirming underneath his touch while pulling his hair. Your back arched off the mattress and you moaned his name, no one else on your mind. He slowed down his actions and you shook slightly when he licked your over-sensitive clit one last time before pulling away.

For a few seconds you caught your breath, feeling his arms loosening their grip and his hands stroking over your skin soothingly. You stared at the ceiling for a while as your chest heaved, eyes blinking slowly. For some reason, you didn’t have enough of him yet. When you looked down, he was already staring up at you, grinning proudly at your expression. He gave you no signs of being eager, even though you were pretty sure he was. He was simply admiring you. It made you feel slightly weird.

“Are you not gonna take your pants off?” you asked. He laughed at your comment, shaking his head out of his focused state. Then, he got up and did just that. His boner was prominent and looked almost painful. He made a move towards the bed, almost as if he was going to climb on top of you. Then, he stopped in his tracks.

“Wait-” you began. Use protection, kids.

“Condom, I know,” he said, digging through his dressing table. When he finally scrambled onto the bed, he seemed to have lost all patience. Your hands went around his neck while he pumped his shaft a few times, squinting his eyebrows at the built up tension.

“Ready?” he asked you. You nodded before he had even finished the word. He entered you slowly, but wasted no time in picking up pace. At first, you whimpered at how he filled you up and how sensitive you were. Then, you got lost in the way he bit his lip and how his jaw flexed under his skin. His moans sounded like music to your ears. He was holding himself up on his arms while your legs bent a little, making him slam into you at a perfect angle. You cried out when he almost pulled out fully, only to thrust back into you until his hips met yours, his skin hot against yours. Your hands were playing with his soft hair by the nape of his neck, while he lowered his head a little. He wasn’t kissing you, but your lips were touching slightly, your unsteady breaths becoming one. He repeated your name a few times, as if praising you. His arms flexed under his weight, his veins standing out.

His member brushed over your sweet spot over and over, making you clench around him. He grunted at the sensation, only leading you to do it again. You loved seeing the way he shut his eyes tightly, concentrating on the pleasure. His thrusts were quick, but seemed less controlled than in the beginning, meaning he must have been close. Curses left his mouth, while you moaned softly. His motion became even quicker as he buried his head in the crook of your neck, lips hovering over your skin. His name slipped past your lips when he messily kissed you there, not slowing down his thrusts. When you clenched your walls around him again, he was sent over the edge.

He groaned, his arms giving out and he fell onto his forearms, basically laying on top of you now. His skin was hot and his breaths uncontrolled, face still in your neck. When he looked up at you he looked thoroughly content. You grinned tiredly. He pulled out carefully, making you whimper. For a few seconds you stayed that way, catching your breaths. It was quiet in the room, and you felt energetic and at the same time completely exhausted. Of course he was the first to speak.

“Don’t you wanna hear my pick-up line from earlier?” he asked. You almost smacked him. Then, you laughed.

“Okay, tell me,” you said, leaving him surprised. He was going to tell you anyway.

“People call me H/N, but you can call me tomorrow.”

#optional bias smut #kpop smut #bts smut #exo smut #seventeen smut #ikon smut #winner smut #pentagon smut #vixx smut #nct smut #btob smut

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alyjojo · 4 years ago

Text

20 memories & isms I love about you.

1. He sent me flowers at work. Twice 🥰

2. He left work to help me fix my tire, outside my ex’s house. Never drove on a highway before that day. (no I shouldn’t have dated the guy, but that particular Gemini is the asc degree of our composite chart, he’s the reason we ever met at all, and hubby is the reason we broke up so...lesson learned)

3. He made me eat his mom’s food. Not only that but excitedly. He’d be like “mom is making hot spaghetti and you’re gonna come over and have some”...I’d say no thx 20 times but he wasn’t hearing it. Hot spaghetti day. I felt weird having someone’s mom cook for me. She probably felt weird too tbh, but he was so over the top happy about mom, food, and me, that it didn’t seem to matter and worked out fine 😆

4. He’s so forward, and bold as hell. I’m irritatingly shy and very guarded. Literally the only way he got me was because he’d act before I could really even think about it or think myself out of it. Winners mind.

5. He moved me into his moms house. I was not ok. Not not not. My pride is...well it exists, and burns like fire whenever help is given. I will never ask in all my life and idc, feels better that way. Will gladly die first. My rotors were broken though (I could write a book just about car problems fr), I needed two and it was gonna take awhile. I’d be in the city and he’d be way out there. He’s like nah. You stay. He insisted...and I stayed. Staying was not a me thing, he changed that.

6. He gave me a baby. After all of the years I didn’t have periods, needed pills to have a normal body, all of the times I talked myself out of that sort of life altogether because I clearly didn’t have the guy (ex was not a kid guy) or the working body parts to even do that, must not be for me. First time in our new apartment, boom baby.

7. First time in our slightly bigger and nicer apartment, boom baby 2. We started actually using protection after she was born. Clearly we can.

8. He worked stupidly long hours and put up with so many people that just had no fn clue, it put a strain on everything, most of all him. When he got the offer for Indy, I pushed it. And pushed it. And pushed. May as well have pushed him right out the door, we were going, because those people suck and you’ll never get the chance to be seen while you’re doing that glorified delivery guy’s job for him. We’re going. So, we did, and he got me out of this damn state. At least once.

9. He loved getting lost with me, and it was my favorite thing. Indiana is a beautiful state and I encourage anyone to get lost there, on purpose.

10. I forgot work. He caused some serious change. Everyone else lost their job, including hubby’s favorite person ever, Jonathan. Today he’s the sole survivor of a mom and pop shop, and I’m so unbelievably proud of him. The best part though, is two of the guys from work used to come see me at my new work all the time, with all their bar bitches 😆 They were my favorite people, I was always so excited to see them. Hubby tried to get them back on, and did for one of them. And when the bigger boss needed a new smaller boss bc hubby was leaving the state, hubby fought like hell for Jonathan. Like Highlander, there can only be one *sksksksksksk* They looked at a couple and hubs was like no only Jon knows the ways of the force. They hired him back, Jon has sent him some of the sweetest thank you messages...it changed his life, and hubs still loves him very much. It’s adorable.

11. Screamy baby Shmoo, she was a screamy baby, and so very beautiful. Baby Bam was like a dream, she was the perfect baby in every way. My screamy baby Shmoo was also a perfect baby, with a pitch that could break glass and sometimes she just wanted to practice for hours. Usually I got her to bed with mama snuggles & milk, singing Alison Krauss and rocking. Sometimes though, on the roughest nights, it’d be over an hour before I’d open the door with screamy baby still in a fit, and he’d take her. He’s so warm and calm, he’d win every single time, and I’d be like...zzzzz tysm ily tyty zzzz....

12. His jokes. He’s not funny (yes he is don’t tell him). He thinks he’s funny. He jokes all day every day about everything always. The girls know when dad says something to be skeptical bc he said they gotta go outside and till the land with tiny shovels, and when I roll my eyes they know he’s full of it. What’s funnier, his mom was the kind of person that took things literally always. Every time him and his goofy dad were being sarcastic, I’d have to tell her that because they’d have her believing crazy stuff. My kids share a lot of her isms, that’s one. My son absolutely does not joke, he is quite literal (so far), and I always have to scold hubby or tell lil guy nooooo he’s kidding. I don’t talk about his silliness nearly enough and I should, that’s him ❤️

13. His relationship with his mom. His mom was always on the...I wouldn’t say weaker side, but older, regular pain, on disability. He was her BABY. Her eyes lit up like Christmas when he entered the room. She loves him so so much. His sister... You know the kind, or...just imagine, probably close. He hated it. He got his job pretty young and just kept it. Always had money, always offered to help his mom, always was like IM FINE MOM. She just wanted to do for him, and he’s always been the kind of guy that wants to do for himself. And she was so funny, she’d slip $20 into the diaper bag and tell me “don’t tell him”, putting it on me. So we’d get in the car. And I’d be like there’s $20 in the diaper bag, knowing he’s gonna be pissed if he finds it (she needs it). And he’d get it, run into the house, set it on her table, and run out the door while she ran after him hollering protests 😆 Lots of other stories too. I miss her so much, I can’t even imagine how much he must.

14. His relationship with his sister, and other whirlwind people. He’s like a rock. I’ve spent lots of time with his sister, but not at once. The one day I did, I came home and my brain was so full of her bazillion ideas and impulsive let’s do this and just one thing, opposite thing, different subject, back to the subject, hey let’s do this, omg I have an idea. I love her to death but I had to sit and just...dump my brain. Ask myself for my own input bc I’d lost wtf...what were we doing again?!? Him though? Doesn’t miss a beat. No...no...no...I’ll think about it...no...no..change subject. No issue saying no. Back then I was like thank god, girl would have me on a cruise to Aruba tomorrow with costume jewelry and black face before I could even think to protest. Not him.

15. Making up. The difference between Taurus moon and Sag moon is that Taurus moon stays mad for the rest of their lives (hello...) and Sag moon wakes up in the morning like nothing happened in the history of ever. This was something that irritated me THE MOST. Don’t make me laugh, I’m pissed at you. Over the years, it became the only way we’d talk at all sometimes. Is certainly the only reason we made up, countless times. He never stopped trying to make me smile, even if I wanted nothing to do with it.

16. Acts of Service. Is not mine, which is either words time or touch and I really can’t decide which. All. He speaks a whole other language. He will let me nap, or take the kids somewhere, he will spontaneously clean or go grocery shopping, walk the dog, mow the lawn, hang out at the birthday party. It didn’t start right away, more and more as he learned my isms. He’ll make me coffee as I’m coming down the stairs. I rarely have to ever ask for any practical thing. He knows my orders for anything, recently there’s been twice that he literally read my mind before I spoke. I try to do the same for him as much as I can, because I know that’s his language and I really appreciate him.

17. Bedroom games. The man knows my body like a map, no, an Excel spreadsheet 😭, and how to get every reaction he’s looking for. He is the only man to ever satisfy my insatiable ass. He made me a whole new person in that regard. He says the same about me. Never an issue there. It’s this far down the list cuz it’s not the most important, but it’s pretty important too so there that is.

18. We share the same goals. We judge the same way, like why did they wrap this like that it looks sketchy. We parent the same. We decide the same. We critically think and weigh ideas the same. We walk the same line in the same direction. If anything he’s too negative sometimes, but that’s his own personal thing. Can’t be full of Capricorn and not lean more toward pessimism (not “realism”) sometimes I think. If it’s worth it, I’ll try to coax him to middle ground. Sometimes it’s a battle, but only if I’m really sure. Usually, he’s right, so I just let him lead.

19. When I was pregnant with my son. Initially. It was hell. His car was trashed, mine was broken and thousands of dollars to fix (this particular car in this particular year has this and what a coincidence it was particularly my problem...cars, I’m telling ya). I was two feet out the door with his shit, but his sister’s issues led to my heart. Because her kids. I love them very much, of course they can stay here and not with some strange person hell no. I cannot describe how angry I was at him. HE strapped backpacks onto his back and walked to the nearest store. Hauled so much crap in a huge backpack and just his arms. Over the course of two months. He quit drinking. He went above and beyond to do get offer or provide anything I could even imagine. More romantic then I think I’d ever seen him before. At least...it had been some time anyway. Of course...he was lying to me. The whole time. To what extent idk. Regarding the work shit, idk. Thus the question and the dream and the crazy and the...crazy 😞 Wanted to piss me off boy he got that tenfold. His actions during this time period are 💯 why I stayed. He was clearly trying like hell to prove to me he could try, and it’s more than anyone I’ve ever known has even bothered to “bother” with. I was impressed, and proud. Respect counts for a lot more than love sometimes, and at the time I respected him.

20. He’s an amazing father. There are so many stories I couldn’t possibly write them all. Our son though, he chose daddy, right from the start. Nothing like our daughters, nor any kid I’d known. He’d scream, FOR his dad. He’d only sleep on his shoulder. Hubby held this baby for hours on end. If he didn’t baby would demand it, but it was very natural to them both. Baby wanted a bottle, and hubby to give it to him. It blew my mind. Hubby got his little teammate and together they’ve changed my life and perspective in ways I couldn’t have ever imagined.

I’ve spent so long sporadically venting on here that I don’t think I’ve ever posted the sweet things. So many great memories and daily...everything...are missing, so many years and little moments. That would take forever. Its always been my frustrations, which was the purpose. This is my heart. No matter what happens, all of these things will always be true.

#I love him with all my heart

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universalfanfic · 7 years ago

Text

Next Gen AU

I’m posting it here first bc I can’t post it on ffn until the ‘Coco’ one goes up, else I be truly shamed.

[][][]

Steve’s phone buzzed in his pocket and the caller ID read “home”. Sutton generally didn’t call him while he was out on mission, not until he gave her the clear. She was always worried that he’d have forgotten to put it on silent and she’d get him killed while he comically fumbled for the off switch.

Which was ridiculous, because he had perfect memory, but the system worked so he didn’t make a deal of it.

“Hello,” he hedged, holding up a finger to signal for his teammates to wait. “Sutton, is everything ok?”

“Hey, sweetie.”

Her voice was sickly sweet and it instantly set off alarm bells in his head. Not a bad emergency, but probably something inevitably worse.

“What happened?”

He could hear running footsteps in the background, there was a crash, like a tub of legos had been dumped, and then yelling and barking.

“How’s the mission going,” Sutton asked, still sounding too happy to talk to him. “I, myself, have had just the most splendid day.”

“I’m actually in the middle of something-”

“Was it Connor,” Tony piped up. “If it was Connor, tell him no robotics for a week.”

There was some scuffling on the other end of the phone, and then Sutton grunted and there was an indignant cry from one of the kids.

“Do you know what your son did?”

Steve hissed through his teeth. He was kind of hoping it’d been Connor.

“I’m sure you’re about to tell me.”

Sutton let out a sharp laugh.

“Oh, phew,” said Tony. “Not mine.”

“Someone teleported into Disney World and mommy had to leash up two other kids and chase him down. And then do you know what happened, because mommy turned her super powers on? She got a call from Mr. Fury who wanted to know what in the world was happening.”

“Oh no,” said Steve.

“Oh yeah,” said Sutton.

“It wasn’t my fault,” a tiny voice wailed in the background.

“Ha, ha!” Another voice taunted. “Now Owen is in trouble! I was good this time! Hey, dad is gonna be sooo mad at you!”

Steve pinched the bridge of his nose as Sutton audibly growled under her breath.

“Maddie, you’re about to be in trouble for being mean. I haven’t forgotten how you tried to sneak onto the Small World ride.”

“Oops.”

“Let me talk to him,” Steve cut in. “Hopefully we’ll be finished here in a few hours.”

“Please? Today has been insane. And I have narrowly avoided legal action for breaking into an amusement park.”

There was rustling as Sutton passed over the phone and Steve could hear sniffling before he even started speaking.

“Owen,” he said in a firm tone. That was all it took. Owen burst out into, knowing him, what were probably renewed tears.

“I just wanted to match the castle.” He cried. “I’m drawing a picture for mommy and I need the right colors.”

“That’s no excuse. You know what we said about powers.”

“Don’t lie,” Maddie shouted from somewhere in the room. “You wanted to go on rides.”

“That was after,” Owen shouted back. “Because I forgot I wasn’t supposed to!”

Steve grimaced and tilted his head back as if praying for patience.

“You know what, hand the phone back to your mother. We can talk when I get home.”

“You’re gonna get time out for forever,” Maddie taunted in what was probably supposed to be a whisper. The phone rustled again and Sutton sighed.

“Hurry and get back before I velcro all of them to a wall?”

Steve turned back to the team.

“We better wrap this up.”

[]

“All I’m saying is that there’s some sort of cosmic balance going on with your kids being the troublemakers here.”

Tony smirked, chin tilted up, as he strolled next to Steve up to the front door. Steve unlocked the door and gave him an unamused glare. So far, there were no loud sounds coming from behind the wall, which could really go either way.

“Didn’t Connor shoot a laser beam through his bedroom wall a few weeks ago?”

Tony let out a chuckle and grinned.

“Pep was irate,” he said. “I didn’t dare tell her I let him build out of the lab.”

The living room was dimly lit and only the murmurs of the television could be heard. Steve edged into the house cautiously, looking around to watch for any incoming children.

Some cartoon he wasn’t fond of was playing, the one with the sponge, and everyone was piled on the couch.

Sutton had fallen asleep alongside the kids. She was slack against the cushions, almost sliding off, with Owen curled up on top of her, a piece of paper crinkled up in his closed fist. Conner was pressed against her left side and Maddie was stretched out across her right. Sprinkles had squeezed in behind Maddie, her legs draped over his daughter’s as if to keep her in place.

“Well, if that isn’t a kodak moment,” said Tony. He actually pulled out his phone and snapped a picture then turned back to Steve. “It’s good to document when they’re not being gremlins.”

“I’d escape while you can. I have a feeling there’s going to be a discussion once everyone’s up.”

Tony hopped into action, clearly not wanting any part of that. Delicately, he scooped a still sleeping Connor from the couch and made for the door.

“See ya, Cap,” he said. “Good luck.”

Steve let out a quiet sigh as he cleaned up a few scattered toys and picked up both kids to put them in their beds. It always amused him, how they went limp like ragdolls and molded to whatever surface you put them on.

He tucked both of them in, brushing back their mussed hair kissing their foreheads. Sutton must have bathed them. They smelled like lavender soap and and freshly done laundry.

He pried the crinkled paper from Owen’s hand and closed the door behind him as he left the room. The paper was overloaded in crayon wax. A blue and gray castle sat in the background with a squiggly-haired stick lady smiling in the front. There were blue lines emanating from around her and a yellow crown hovering over her head.

Steve shook his head and put the drawing down before he walked over to the couch and shooed Sprinkles out of the spot next to Sutton. She let out a disturbed groan as he sat down.

“I almost portaled right into Tigger with two squealing children. Do you know how awkward that is?”

“I saw the video.”

She groaned again and turned over to bury her face in his side; he automatically wrapped an arm around her shoulder.

“It’s viral, isn’t it,” she mumbled against him.

“Sam said it was already a meme.”

“Why,” she whined.

For a moment they just sat. Steve let his muscles relax as he soaked in home. Even with crazy kids, it was more of a relief to be with his family than on any mission.

Turning over, Sutton propped up her head to stare up at him. Her face was twisted in a wry sort of ironic humor.

“I can’t even stay mad at him. Do you know he grounded himself? He told me he wouldn’t eat dessert for three days.” Steve raised an eyebrow and she smirked. “I told him nice try, it’s a week, but the principle was there.”

Steve ran his fingers through her hair and smiled as she hummed and leaned further into him.

“We’ll still have to talk about use of powers tomorrow. He can’t just go running off whenever he feels like it. We already have Maddie.” Sutton giggled while trying to keep the volume down.

“You can lead that discussion,” she said. “I already had to chase them around a giant park like I was herding a bunch of cats. The Rogers’ name will go down in infamy. These children won’t have it any other way.”

Steve reach over for the remote and turned off the television with a grimace, cutting off the sponge’s grating laughter. The room bloomed in a blessed silence.

“Not sure I can talk,” he said. “I don’t know what I would’ve been like with enhanced abilities at such a young age.”

Sutton snorted and gave his side a light pinch.

“In front of your parents or hanging out with Bucky? Because I can see it going two different ways.”

He grinned in return.

“That’s fair.”

They both might have fallen asleep on the couch if Sprinkles hadn’t come over and complained about them not being in bed so she could sleep in her special corner of their room.

When they pulled back their comforter, there was another crayon drawing and a Lego sculpture. This drawing was of what looked like a self portrait, Owen crying fat blue tears while a stick mommy and daddy watched him with thin arms crossed. He must have recruited help, because in a wonky circle above his head was blocky, childish letters that looked like Maddie’s scrawl.

“I’m sorry mommy and daddy,” it read.

“Bah,” Sutton whisper yelled. She flopped onto their bed as Steve put the Lego creation on his dresser. “That’s your son, alright.”

“Please.”

He sank into bed next to her and they both snickered as she put the drawing away on her nightstand.

“Pancakes for breakfast, I bet he forgets all about this incident by morning,” Steve mumbled, nearly already asleep. Sutton pressed up against him and smiled as she drifted off as well.

“Bet you bacon he remembers the second he sees you.” Steve hummed.

“Hm, sounds like breakfast. You’re on.”

#my writing #next gen au #idk what even this is #i should be sleeping #and yET

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