#bc i just. idk. i get viscerally uncomfortable if im in a room with someone yk. bc i start thinking sbt every movement i make

[nomaishuttle]

see i wanna talk to u guys more and be fr friends but ihave no clue how to go abr it. 1 on 1 talk terrifies me and i feel like just dming ppl wouldbe weird and even if it wasnt id still be rly scared 2 do it. but i also cant just post like Everybody tlk to me bc wheni see posts like that im like They mean everybody except for me. which is nonsense it says everybody yk... but i get worried nd i feel like others do too. i have a discord server But it scares me so i never talk in there.. this is the devil speaking but i wish still went to school and was just forced to be around ppl thatd be so much easier

[fairycosmos]

hey chloe i love ur blog. i started uni last week and it’s been ok but i’m rly scared i’m never going to make friends:(( i tried to talk to people during freshers week but none of those interactions ever went anywhere and now i’m sat in my room in halls completely alone. i feel like i never learned how to make friends and now i’m terrified i’ll always be alone. i can kind of do small talk but after that i’m awkward and can’t open up/be myself and i just get progressively more shy. any advice?

hi love thank you so much!! i appreciate that a LOT n im so sorry to hear you're going through such a rough time right now. i can definitely relate as i think many many people can, even if they seem confident to you. i massively struggle with making friends too, so idk if you've asked the right person sfhkjdhljf :( but generally speaking i guess, during times of such significant change it's very normal to go through a period of adjustment where you only have yourself to rely on and everything's out of wack. it's not an indicator that you'll always be alone and it's not something to be embarrassed about. this is a completely new environment and experience, you're bound to be overwhelmed. it's ok to feel down and to process negative emotions, as long as you can at least try to recognize them for what they are - temporary responses to temporary situations. simply feelings that you can learn to manage in a healthy way if you take the time to prioritize yourself and your needs. and it sux that it hurts and that you have to put up with it, but i promise that things will improve once you get settled n start working on the relationship you have with yourself. of course it's a lot easier said than done, and i genuinely don't blame you at all for being disheartened. every time i talk to someone in real life and i can't maintain the friendship, or i feel uncomfortable and i say the wrong thing, it throws me off and makes me burn with embarrassment. but it's all a learning process, and there's no rule book or deadline. it's very common for young adults to be between friends and to have moments of solitude. it's not like everyone consistently has a great group of friends. and honestly it's a blessing and a curse because obviously it's extremely lonely, and you're allowed to acknowledge that pain, but the freedom can teach you how to be your own best friend. you said you find it hard to be who you are (me 2!!) but....... maybe you'd feel better about showing your personality to others if you appreciated it yourself, in quiet moments. actively working on your self esteem and making the conscious choice to recognizie what you have to offer every single day, even if you feel stupid doing so, could make a difference. it's easy to attract like minded people if you're genuine, you know? the fact that you're making the effort to engage in small talk is wonderful, and like any other ability, social skills take time to develop bro. it's ok to not be great at talking to people when you're young, alright? so anyway point is, i would recommend setting a few small weekly goals for yourself - talk to that girl in class and breathe through the awkwardness, try that new bar or cafe, offer someone your pen. baby steps are great, every effort counts. maybe you could build up to joining a group or a club around your uni? i know that probably seems like a daunting and far fetched idea, and there's no pressure of course, it's just a lot easier to start a conversation when you have some common ground with someone. just something to consider while you get your bearings. ultimately, the world deserves to know you and you deserve companionship, they will never change. i want to stress that the situation you're in right now is not proof that you're destined to be alone or that you've done something wrong - you're just a small fish in a big pond, and so is everyone else, and just because uni isn't everything you expected doesn't mean it won't be worthwhile in its own way. you're doing so much better than you realize and im seriously infinitely proud of you for trying bc that's what it always comes back to. just have to keep dipping your toe in the water, keep it embracing the awkwardness, keep pushing and give yourself breaks when needed. also as a sidenote if this is having a big impact on your mental health/emotional well-being then i just wanted to say that there's honestly no shame in looking into any counselling services or hotlines or support groups that might be on offer. it may feel like you're isolated but there are always people who care and who have the tools to help you navigate. having someone to talk to and learning the root causes of your insecurities, and knowing how to self soothe......all of that will make a difference. don't allow your mind to write the idea off completely. vulnerability isn't something to run from, it often enables positive progress. no matter what your brain is telling you, you'll get through this one day at a time. and if a plan falls through, or you mess up in conversation, then there's always the next day. that's the beauty of uni and being young i suppose. anyway sorry this got so long, i just viscerally understand the absolute shame and discomfort of feeling not right around others. and i really hope you find the patience and self compassion to keep putting one foot in front of the other. even if it seems impossible at times. im rooting for you and honestly ik it's not the same but feel free to message me anytime. sending love and warmth 💘💘