#bc i have been. and [redated] is nice and treats me well and the fwb-ship is what i want
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how have i been hung up on the same guy for like 10 months smfh
#thats the same amount of time we were 'seeing' each other lmao#not even hung up like 'i wanna date him'#just like..... our whatever-we-had hit my aro-cupio-polyam with commitment issues and bpd sweet spot#also the way we bonded over our religious trauma ive never really had that before or since lol#i want that again but probably with someone else#i dont actually think i am hung up on HIM im hung up on the relationship separately lmao#and i dont mean hung up as in not dating anyone else#bc i have been. and [redated] is nice and treats me well and the fwb-ship is what i want#but he doesnt give me the same dopamine rush u get me#and most other dates ive been on ive realised its not fair on THEM if im comparing them to S and actively looking for a 'replacement' ffs#so i dont really wanna go looking for that until im over-over-over-over this but idk how long thatll take#ngl tho my IBD is also a huge reason im not dating anymore#rip my hot girl summer it was more of a trying-to-sta-out-of-hospital summer#personal#i uhhh. im gonna go to bed
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