#bc i cannot handle the denseness of some ppl

[bunnyboy-juice]

i can never be online famous or whatever bc ppl misunderstanding me enrages me so much that i want to kick them in the teeth

[freezeriafan]

Honestly i wish i knew whats going on with emery too. I feel like shes simply just a nasty person with no personal baggage. People like that exist - amii

PEOPLE LIKE THAT EXIST .... and i love that abt her i never want that to change .... But despite that I Just Keep Thinking abt what kind of person a sour nature like that would create...

UGH it's not your fault that i wrote paragraphs musing abt ur oc Emery . I just have a lot of thoughts . I'm like ... a fan. These are my fandom thoughts . IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT .. if u read it tho tell me ur thoughts bc you know emery more than i do obviously . IDK WHAT IM TALKING ABOUT but i say it anyway. Welcome to the shitshow

A lot of the time ppl perform behaviors bc of a root emotional cause but maybe it's reversed w Emery. She's already naturally a c*nt, she's stubborn, she's conceited, she's belligerent, she's inconsolable, she's egotistical; she always thinks she's right and always thinks that everyone is wrong; she refuses to change and learn and grow, and she refuses to believe that other people may be right sometimes and that they have their own valid feelings.

And's that's so funny she's so full of hubris im not advocating that that ever changes ever....I'm not even gonna say how there probably are a lot of things in her upbringing that shaped her nastiness .... bc i dont really care at all of that for her idk...she's not real.... But I do keep thinking abt what a nature like that would do to a person .

She has no close friends bc she drives them off and bc she needs to be better than everyone. She probably just believes that that's how life works; I don't know if she knows what real comradery feels like, what playful fraternizing is.

By nature she never admits fault and always pushes the blame onto someone else; this means that she never has to reconcile with shame or guilt or embarrassment. This creates a person who CAN'T reconcile with those things, she never built a tolerance, no idea how to even begin handling that. If she's always right why would she feel shame? And in the instance that she does something regrettable - If she's always right then why would she do something that causes shame? That's just not in line with her self image at all. Was is someone else's fault, or is she a powerful individual with deliberate volition? If she's always right, how does she address real internal confliction? If she rationalizes it all away at the first hint of self-doubt, then how long can she actually tolerate a healthy amount of shame when it arises?

I think it was brought up before but maybe not that while she's stubborn, she Will change her opinion if it keeps her in the right. So like if she does something unwonted or that would put her in the losing end of the argument, she will change her tune in order to preserve herself. That fluidity is more sustainable and realistic then being one way and always one way, but that two-facedness WILL drive everyone away and will weaken the stability of the hill she's trying to die on.

BUT EVEN WITH THAT FLUIDITY OF VALUES, If she's hellbent on being right all of the time and asserting herself first, then there's never room for honest listening and mindful growth. So she's essentially been climbing through the multitudes of life as one shape. Awful. She must feel like a lobster stuck in its own shell but she wouldn't know enough to know it. She never introspects enough to realize when she changes her opinions and when she doesn't, much less notice when the person she is now just isnt working. Doesn't she get bored of that? Does she ever want something different?

If she did begin to tire of herself, how would she rationalize that? What would it look like?

If she did want something different, would she get it, and then change her tune to match? Where are her limits? Is she just a shifting morph of desires? I mean that's a valid philosophy abt humans, that everything abt us is just the result of desires. But Emery definitely acts like she's solid and that she knows best and that she's reliable, unlike some other snakes in her life, an that incongruity is noticeable.

Even if she's full of self-serving fire by nature, I keep thinking about how she's a mean angry person STILL ... at her age... like she never mellowed out... never stopped putting her fire out there....like it never really got out there. Was never really heard? Never really got to burn? Does she crave vindication? Is there an ounce of something sympathetic in her character? What sort of reverence and attention does she need that she hasn't already bullied her way into getting?

I know she's incredibly self-serving, but has she ever shown herself sensitivity? I don't think she knows what tough love is when it comes to herself. It seems she gives herself everything she wants, all the rights to argue and to stand her ground, but never the softhearted consideration of how she's a multifaceted individual, and never the forgiveness after a healthy amount of self-doubt.

IDK. But I do keep thinking about the idea that the human brain can only put off something for so long. For example people can repress things for a long time or overwork themselves for a long time but there will be a point where their subconscious snaps and demands to be heard . That's when ppl have breakdowns, and they can be out of commission for years; it's an incredibly tough state to be in.

and idk I Keep Thinking abt how Emery cannot be so stubborn and insensitive forever something has GOT to happen at some point. She wouldn't listen to external forces, something inside has got to shift .. she's got to start reconciling with SOMETHING .. she's a grown ass adult she cant play the fool and play the victim forever .. she cant pretend she doesnt know the push and pull of life.... nobody is really THAT dense are they ?

IDK !!! I think I'm just approaching this at the completely wrong angle. She probably gives a little and then just reclimbs the podium to where it had shifted to; she has a superiority complex that really isn't that complex; she doesn't like to share her victories like how Quinn doesn't like to share her prey; she's of a generation; she's not interested in learning new things or changing her ways; she's a c*nt and that's FINE. Ughhhhhhh . She's on her way out anyway . Thanks for the homophobic papa louie oc . Gives me smth to rant abt . THANKS. Bye