#bc i am an addict that's just. a fact. and i wonder if i am even capable of moderation or if abstinence is my only chance at a good life

[soloquel]

today, i was awake from 5:35am to am bc i couldn't sleep, but man, the way my creativity just flowed and had me writing much more than i ever had in the past YEARS... fuck sleep. that was really cool.

[butmakeitgayblog]

MBFW as parents sneaking in a quickie bc it’s been forever since they’ve gotten alone time? 🥺

It honestly felt like a page right out of their early days as a newly in love couple when they'd sneak away every single chance they could get.

A quick makeout in the third floor English department bathroom, slipping fingers beneath nudged aside underwear and breathing a sigh of relief into each other's mouth in the sorority house's coat closet during a rowdy party where they won't be missed. All the times they'd pulled at each other in desperate need for the world to wait just 10 more damn minutes, even though their schedules where constantly dragging them to the opposite ends of campus.

And having with two small children under the age of 5 certainly hasn't made things any easier this time around.

But what's exciting and exponentially better is the fact that now they have an actual bed.

A wonderful bed, with memory foam instead of cheap noisy springs, and a box frame that can handle whatever they throw at it.

Which was why they had grasped the opportunity to slip away from their house full of guests.

One look over the sea of party hat-topped toddlers and PTA moms working their way through a 3rd cup of 'Adult Juice' - that may or may not contain a healthy percentage of wine - and that was all it had taken for Lexa to fade into the shadows and slink out of the room with only fiery glance behind her. That was all it had taken for Clarke to laugh at the conversation she was no longer listening to before excusing herself with the excuse that she needed to check on something, uh... upstairs.

And Lexa had decided right in that moment that they would be rediscovering their lost art of disappearing more often in the future the second she pulled her wife into their room and latched on to that pretty mouth.

Seven years of marriage had done nothing to dull her addiction to taste of Clarke's lips. She moaned at the flavor of well salted pretzels and the triple berry punch their daughter had picked off the shelf at random for her 4th birthday bash, mixed with that flavor that she could only so elegantly describe as 'mmmm, Clarke tongue.'

Scrumptious.

Walking backward toward the bed and dragging her wife along for the ride, Lexa moaned with just how badly she'd been yearning for these few minutes alone. Between breastfeeding and diaper changes and treating a few hundred boo-boos on knees, it felt like it'd been an eternity since either could just enjoy a second to themselves without the heavy veil of exhaustion.

They smiled into their kisses, shushing each other's giggles of freedom as hands roved without restraint. The confines of time only made it all more giddy, more like a sweet rush of adrenaline as they collapsed into a graceless mess of limbs on the foot of their bed.

"What d'you think we got?" Lexa'd whispered while yanking Clarke's shirt clear from her jeans. "Fifteen minutes?"

Clarke shook her head at the hopefulness and tossed her leg over her wife's hips to straddle her. "Ten, tops, so long as the sangria holds out. Maybe five if someone starts crying."

Shoving the button through the hole and ripping down the zipper, Lexa gave Clarke a wicked grin.

"I can work with that."

"You're— ahh," Clarke cut off in a breathy gasp when Lexa raked her nails along the swell of her hipbone and slipped beneath the waist of her jeans. "You're very sure of yourself."

Dragging her fingertip along the damp strip of underwear, Lexa twitched them aside and hummed at the slick already waiting for her.

"Yes, I am."

She leaned up for another kiss, luxuriating in the tickle of dark curls as she traced the length of her wife's slit. A few passes left her fingers soaked in arousal, so thick she could almost taste it in the way it clung to her skin. She took her time smearing it around, making sure Clarke was completely ready despite the proper build up, coaxing strings up just to teasingly rub feather light circles over the clit that peeked out from its hood.

Pulling back from the kiss, she caught the darkened blue eyes and held then, soaking in the way they fluttered as she dipped down and pushed in with two fingers.

The wet heat that enveloped her was like an electric shock to her system. Every clench around her fingers made Lexa pulse in sympathy, so turned on she could barely focus on starting up a steady rhythm. It made Lexa realize just how much they had been letting this slide between them recently - neglecting this aching want that had always so powerful between them.

She had missed this feeling in the chaos of being moms. This connection and vulnerability that came from holding Clarke close while seated deep inside.

But as much as she'd have loved to lay her wife down and take her time with her, to fuck and cuddle and worship the way she'd been aching to for days, a muffled laugh from downstairs reminded her that they were indeed on a time crunch.

Shifting her wrist and shoving her thumb forward, Lexa swallowed her wifes gasp when she bumped the senstive underside of the bud. She pumped her fingers as deep the position would let her and found that deliciously spongy patch of skin that never failed to set her wife off like a rocket.

"Oh f— God, Lex," Clarke whined through clenched teeth, bucking into her palm and nearly crawling out of her skin when it rubbed Lexa's thumb firmer against her clit.

"I know, love, I know," she breathed against the fumbled slide of Clarke's kisses, ignoring the burn as her wife dripped down her wrist. "You feel so fucking good. Hold on a few more minutes. Just let me feel you a few more minutes, love, and then you can let go whenever you want to, I promise."

Lexa gave herself over to it, barely breathing as Clarke rocked against her with languid ruts of her hips as she curled her fingers against her front wall. Over, and over, and over. She threaded her fingers through blonde hair and pulled just the way Clarke liked it. Giving the illusion of her control - a hungered look of love and lust - as Lexa held her gaze and ruthlessly fucked her.

And she honestly didn't care about time or their friends or the party they'd spent two weeks planning when the liquid fire around her fingers pulsed and began to tighten.

Clarke gave a pitiful whimper. Bit her lip with a whined, "Please, baby, I want—," and that was all Lexa needed to give in. To nod for her to let go and trust her to catch her when she falls. To cup the back of her neck and pull her close, pressing her wife's mouth to the dip of her shoulder and bury her moans there, as Clarke clenched and spilled in a hot rush around her fingers.

Lexa let her ride out the waves of her orgasm. Guided her down with softened rolls of her thumb. She kissed everything within, peppered her lips along cheek and neck and temple, until her wife collapsed sated and thoroughly pliant in her arms.

In the quietening of their nesting, Lexa stretched her neck just far enough to look at the clock on her nightstand.

"Seven minutes. Three minutes to spare. Suck it."

"Fine," Clarke huffed against the collar of Lexa's shirt where she'd burrowed in to enjoy the afterglow. "So. Not out of practice then... Definitely not... out of practice."

Lexa laughed at her slurred white flag of defeat, but still felt the need to clarify, "Making you come, or making you come quickly?"

"Either. Both. I don't care, I can't feel my legs."

"That good, huh?"

"Don't gloat."

"I'm not gloating," Lexa insisted even as she preened a little inside. "Making you feel good is just second nature at this point. I know how to take care of you, love. Quick or slow... It's like riding a bike."

A finger roughly poked her in the ribs.

"Pfft, a romantic. Stop flirting with me, Woods."

Lexa grazed her thumb over the sensitive tip still within reach and grinned when her wafe gave a full body shudder.

"I don't think I will, actually."

Clarke sucked in a steadying breath and nipped a bite to Lexa's jaw. "You just wait until after bedtime. I'm going to make you regret that, sweetchee—"

The bang of metal against frame cut off the last of Clarke's words as the room suddenly exploded with a garbled,

"Oh sonofabitch."

Lexa felt all the heat disappear off of her in an instant at the spat out swear from above them as Clarke flung herself to the side... and took Lexa's wrist right along with her.

Her hiss and wince of pain as they both struggled to free her from the unyielding shackle of Clarke's jeans did nothing to drown out the enraged sounds coming from the moment-killer stood in their doorway.

"Am I in a goddamn time loop? Why does this keep happening to me?!"

Clarke groaned as she finally yanked Lexa's hand free and flopped angrily onto her back. "Maybe because you still haven't learned to knock before barging into people's bedrooms."

"Oh! Oh! Excuuuuse me," Raven whisper-shouted. "You guys only have a house full of your closest friends and their toddlers downstairs, why didn't I assume you two perverts were in here fucking."

"Shhh," Lexa immediately hissed as she rubbed at the throbbing joints in her wrist despite Raven having mouthed the swear rather than saying it out loud. "We just wanted to take a moment alone, alright? We never get actual time to ourselves, and we figured the kids would be fine with everybody—"

Raven shook her head and held a hand up. "Elgh, stop. Look at yourselves. You abandoned your children to come up here and get your jolly ranchers off."

"I... I think it's just 'get your jollies'..."

"Ah, well, thank you for your contribution, Ms. English Major." Raven grabbed the handle of the door and yanked backward out of the threshold, leaving only a slit big enough for her head to poke through. "Now will you two whores put yourselves back together, please. Some of us are waiting on birthday cake."

With a scathing look and final grunt of disgust, Raven snapped the door shut in her wake.

In the quiet that followed, Lexa let her head slump to the side, catching her wife's gaze as she smiled.

"That was embarrassing."

"Eh." Clarke flopped her hand above her belly. "She's seen us in worse positions."

"True. She's only mad about the cake anyway."

"Yeah, but she'll still never shut about this."

Lexa lifted the hand that had previously been shoved down her wife's pants and offered it up with a toothy grin. "Worth it."

Still flushed and beautifully relaxed from her orgasm, Clarke eyed her for a moment just to make sure she was serious, before laughing and slapping it in a high-five.

"Totally worth it."

[idyllcy]

from one admirer to another : fried?

pairing: leon kennedy x reader || masterpost: from one admirer to another

synopsis: from one admirer to another, an online penpal service, allows for two people with common interests to write to each other without ever revealing their actual address! Luckily for both you and Leon, you get matched up! What do eggs and Christmas even have in common anyway? sure hope it's that modeling business and NOT that Ada Wong addiction.

featuring: reader as scrambled eggs // leon as christmas

Dear scrambled eggs,

Happy Paris Fashion Week. I'm walking this year (finally???) but not the same show as Ada. I ended up cast by a different brand than her, which makes sense since we don't exactly share the same genre of face. Also, she's in Paris for shoots while I'm here to walk. Women and men's fashion week aren't even the same week. I found that a little sad. Also, my agent got me on some sort of makeup from my makeup artist and somehow he's made me look 29 like hello?? I am a literal child ?? (I'm not. but im still in my early twenties).

My letter this time is going to be short (again) mainly because I need to mail this internationally and I'd like for you to send me a letter to my airbnb (the host gave me the keys).

I speak Spanish and literally no French, so when a lady in a shop was talking to me I could only shake my head and tell her no in Spanish and I still have no idea what she wanted. I guess we'll never know.

Right. The last walk was alright. I got to walk with the model, but I got a death glare from their friend bc I swear I felt my soul slip out of my body. Like, sorry your friend is hot??? Sorry I'm no better??? :((( What's it take for a guy to score a date these days? I ALSO did not get their number again. Can you believe that? I turned around and they disappeared into thin air! AUGH.

Anyways, I'm sending you one of the luxury-brand paris postcards I received as a small gift. Hope you like it.

What are you up to the month that I'm stuck in Paris? Christmas

Leon finishes walking his show, backstage with a handful of models he's met here and there, mainly sticking with the group of raccoon models. Everyone's sharing the same Airbnb. It should sound like hell, except most people have their own room, and somehow it's the greatest blessing on earth because he knows Ada would ruin his life if he even thought of asking her about you.

His letter is mailed out first thing, shitty translator in hand as he's told Reverso is the better of translators for French, and he gets it mailed out with a quick wink from the old lady at the post office. He's sure she did it because he's on the more attractive side and not the fact that he's sending a letter to his penpal like some middle school boy. He should get over that crush on you too.

He starts his last walk of this fashion week, meeting new people to have a quick talk to, adding private accounts and getting to know a handful of other Ada fans at his last walk. It's the only one where he even gets to see Ada, and her walk is... no joke. Hatred be dammed that woman can strut. He wonders if there's another universe where he didn't accidentally get shot through the heart the first time he met her best friend.

The more Leon paid attention, the more he seemed to understand that one of the main reasons your contract got off so easy was because Ada had requested it. Some people even call you a result of nepotism. Well, not that you seemed to like the job all that much. Dare he say it, to you, modeling was just a side hustle.

How nice it must be to be in a position like that.

When the models finish up at the show, Leon's told he has a shoot the next day, and then a handful of shows scattered nearby. They're making him go to Spain for a handful of days for a photoshoot with Ashley, and then he's practically free for the rest of the time. He's sure it's because his manager's girlfriend wants to hang around the city. Leon's more than fine with staying in the city. It'll be a good break.

Shame though, he misses Sunny.

prev letter : masterlist : next letter

[dairy-farmer]

I'm the anon who made the original ask of Jack knocking Tim up to keep him from being Robin and I am OBSESSED with what that newest ask you answered as of March 1 or 2 consists of!!

Bc just imagine it! A few years down the road, a decade and some change, Tim is 26/27 and heavily pregnant once again with another of the Red Hood's babies, and his two oldest son's are getting to be that age where they notice things like girls and boobs and think about sex, and well, their house is very open in regards to that, so they're exposed to that stuff often enough (seeing Tim breastfeed one of his many babies, just having his entire bare chest out, not to mention all of the sex he has with Jason ((and tbh I don't think Jack would be totally impotent? So there are still a few instances where any of Tim's kids have walked in on their heavily pregnant mother being railed by their grandpa)), there isn't much left to the imagination when it comes to sex). Is it any wonder when the older kids start to wonder what sex is like, but specifically with their slutty mom?

The older two kids, 12 and 11, talk to Jack and Jack has an idea, broaches it to Tim about having the boys watch the next time Jason comes over. Tim is wary at first, bc he doesn't necessarily LIKE having sex in front of his children, Jack and Jason just tend to take him wherever they see fit, and sometimes that's in the living room while the kids do homework, or on the floor of the nursery while the younger babies sleep and the toddlers play around the room, so he caves quickly, especially when the boys give him puppy dog eyes

It escalates much more quickly than anyone expects, bc Jack is watching from the sides, explaining things to the boys while Jason fucks Tim into the mattress, his full tits and heavily pregnant belly swinging and jiggling from the force of it all. But when Tim takes a moment to open his eyes and notices the way his children have hard little pricks, whining and palming at their erections, Tim can't help but drool and offer his services

Instead of just touching them, he goes straight to sucking off his younger son, offering his ass up to his older son once Jason is finished. They're all fucked out by the end of the night, and Tim might be a little addicted. Especially since, as Red Hood has become busier with his crime lording, Tim hasn't had as much easy access to cock the way he used to. So having his son's there to fill that void? Kind of genius

He draws the line, at first, at fucking him between pregnancies, bc that would be crossing a line, right? Letting his children knock him up? But a few years later, Tim is 28 and just gave birth a month previously (he's almost positive the baby was his father's, this time. That would be the third time he's made himself a big brother, and he couldn't be happier), when Jason goes on a trip that takes him away for nearly two entire months. Tim hasn't gone that long between pregnancies for a very, very long time, not since the gap between his firstborn and second born

His father is getting older and can't help as much, plus his swimmers aren't as strong as they used to be (Tim mourns the fact that his most recent baby will likely be the last he has from his dad), so he knows he can't get pregnant from him. So he has to find someone else. He doesn't want to leave the house if he can help it, with so many babies to take care of, Tim takes his duty as a mother very seriously. So going out and finding some random men to knock him up isn't an option either

So when he's helping his oldest boys one night, he realizes he can get what he wants here and now, from one of them. Only his two oldest can produce viable sperm at this age, his oldest 14 and second oldest 13 (right at the age Tim was when he had first been knocked up, how nostalgic! And it feels kind of full circle, Tim thinks as he's fucked full by both of his teenagers simultaneously, both of their smaller cocks fucking in and out of his pussy roughly in a way Tim loves), so they marathon fuck for nearly two weeks before Tim thinks it finally took. And he's right! One of his children has knocked him up, he's about to make himself a grandmother as he swells with this newest baby (and possibly an uncle? If his firstborn got him pregnant, that is ((and god it turns Tim on to think he might be carrying the child of his child who was fucked into him by his father)), and he almost expects Jason to be upset when he returns, but he thinks it's hot as well, seeing the proof of how slutty and desperate and cock addicted Tim is as he swells with a baby that was given to him by one of his babies

From then on it's hard for them to determine who Tim pops out kids for, but at that point they're all raised communally with Tim as their mama and Jason as their dad. The only one who calls anyone any different is Tim's firstborn, who calls Tim his mama and Jack his dad

Either way they have one big, happy (if fucked up) family, and it's just the way they all like it ❤️

tim being so utterly incapable of not having a baby in him so he crosses even his own lines to birth his own grandchild ❤️❤️❤️ their entire family dynamic and tree is just one screwed up little circle but they're all so happy ❤️❤️!!!!!

[sout999]

adhd talk

the third truly unsung project alongside my film and dissertation was the weird amount of targeted effort i had to put into Completing Anything Big As A Neurodivergent Person Whose Brain Is A Crazy Off The Rails Train Staffed and Patronised Entirely By Multiple Exact Copies Of The Squirrel From Ice Age

which is a description like 99/100 people reading this can relate to, but i think a sentiment i see less often and therefore feel kind of stupid and stubborn and lonesome about is "adhd is innate but is also exasperated by hectic lifestyle/modern instant gratification machines so if i fix my habits around those i can cure myself forever". which is silly and wrong but also i feel abit disconnected from adhd social media culture and cant cope just relating to it (which is all it seems to be sometimes) but learning to harness or tame it to do the things that are really important to me

i felt really cringe tbh having to look up youtube videos of HARVARD STUDENT REVEALS PRO STUDY TRICK and then narrowing it down to specifically adhd-focused study videos and keeping a planner and setting aside specific time to study studying and practising anti-academic meltdown journaling techniques and reading fucking atomic habits but i really didn't want to contribute to my abhorrent academic record following me all through undergrad. in fact i wish i had done this sooner but i was not self aware enough to consider the fact

probably the best change i made was severely cutting down or being mindful of social media time, i don't backread my tl anymore and have more moments of awareness when i find myself dumbly scrolling and realize i dont want to be doing this, and then wondering what i actually Do want to be doing. i keep a book nearby to read, and have also swapped a lot of social media time to sketching-off-pinterest time. reading about the psychology behind social media apps is also super interesting, although i always feel like a paranoid wacko conspiracy theorist talking about it. stuff like how negativity and judgemental behaviour is good for engagement (and therefore ad revenue), and how if all posts on your tl were interesting you wouldn't be as addicted to social media as you are, therefore microblogging employs a slot machine/gacha system where you "roll" for posts by logging on and hope to get a good one. it's a little full on but the more i think of it as a revolting and evil machine the more incentive i have to do something else with my time ^q^

a harder thing to do was, in the late stages of the project, the real crunch time month, avoid everything that could become a huge hyperfixation, and then eventually even minor distractions or fixations. because i know if i got super obsessed with something i'd just be up posting about it or drawing fanart. i had to bar myself from persona 3 remake and elden ring dlc and all these other shiny new releases, and the mobile games i was playing... i look forward to catching up on them now. i took up reading books a lot more because unfortunately thats just not as exciting. in the last month of film work i stopped listening to music on my computer so i wouldnt get drawing or animation ideas to distract me from film work. as of writing this i havent listened to music in like 40 days guys 😱 at the same time i am the kind of person who needs background noise to work, so i have:

watched novum's four hour hereditary video essay three times

watched novum's seven hour midsomar video essay three times

watched that one five hour bojack horseman retrospective twice

listened to audiobooks of the Britney Spears biography, Jennette McCurdy biography, three Playboy Bunny biographies (i was on some sort of lady bopgraphy kick i guess), and a few fiction books

rewatched all of bojack horseman

started on House MD and got a few seasons in before i finished the project, amazingly the perfect show to look away from bc of all the medical stuff, how many lumbar punctures do you need to show like seriously

honorable mention to the learned skill of communication and being honest and picking your battles and killing your darlings which is a larger part of managing mental illness than i cared to admit but one of the hardest ones because it involved confronting things and making big painful drastic changes and then having to tell the faculty about them. sometimes i'd be stuck on a piece of animation work for weeks/months, then go back and change the underlying idea to one i'm actually passionate about, and do the animation work in one day using newly found magical hyperfocus passion power. it's crazy! but being able to be confident about taking those steps rather than keeping on with what you're "supposed" to do went a long way.

i very much look forward to listening to a music and playing some video games properly now and being pulverized like a small victorian child from the sheer amount of fun i'm having. i'd say it was all worth it and a fun experiment in channeling the magical humours of passion and boredom and i hope it will help me with future projects too. i Am super burnt out though x__ x thanks for reading and for all your support up until now!

[placeinthisworld]

ttpdta review part one 🤠

let me preface this by stating that i am a swiftie first and person second in this situation. i have grown up with taylor and feel as if shes my big sister- yes i can make fun of her but if i see anyone else do it i will get fiercely protective. i do understand her music is not only art but also her form of therapy. that being said, throughout these nonsense notes i am constantly mentioning that taylor should go to therapy. i am aware of what she has said about therapy (and why she doesn’t go) but i would beg to differ with her…especially after this album release lol.

taylor is an extraordinary storyteller and song writer. i believe this album is full of evidence of that, but it also has some faults that prevent from being as good as i felt like it could have been. overall the album feels rushed.

i also feel like it’s important to recognize the elephant in the room. i know we probably all expected this to be a joe breakup album, so the fact that it turned out to be a “fuck you matty healy” album shook us all a little bit. i know matty had a controversial history, im not gonna sit here and defend him. i don’t know much about him other than what is forced against my will. i do however know that he struggles with mental health issues/ substance abuse/ addiction. i’m not gonna comment much about his personal issues, i don’t feel like that’s right and taylor’s constant references to drugs throughout ttpd definitely rubs me the wrong way. i should also mention i grew up with an active addict and do view things from that perspective, so i feel slightly triggered by the topic and my feelings about that may just be personal but i do mention that in my notes when it’s relevant.

lastly, i am not a music production girlie idk shit lol. i only know i am a aaron dessner stan so any song with his name im already biased towards and i am aware, if u don’t like that idk what to tell u lol. i just know what i feel like is “good” or “bad” but music is subjective🫶🏻

1. Fortnight:

Hate the functional alcoholic part. Like the beat, the chorus is catchy. One thing i love about a taylor swift song is that theres always a story and its always visual. I like the metaphor of the “good neighbors” of like having this teasing/ longing feeling for someone that you could have had a life with. “Your wife waters flowers/ i want to kill her + my husbands cheating/ i want to kill him” feeling like you were robbed of her life, feeling “all my mornings are mondays stuck in an endless february” reminiscing about the short period of time where you were together and convinced it would last forever (only for it to end before it even started). I do not listen to much post malone but i enjoyed his verse!! So many florida references we get it everything bad happens in florida.

i have not seen the video yet oooopsies

2. Ttpd:

i thought this was the opening of Hey Stephen (the remix) or something at first. gotta say i absolutely love the way she sings “you left your typewriter at my apartment/ straight from the tortured poets department” i enjoyed the vibe of this song, and lyrics up until the “you smoked then ate seven bars of chocolate (OKAY SOOOOOOO ME CODED NGL I LAUGHED at this point i could let this lyric slide- bit then she had to mention the charlie puth and golden retriever thing and ngl it almost ruins the song entirely for me. Tbh when i first listened to the leak i thought this was a fake AI song and that i was sending around a fake leak bc these lyrics started to get a little weird to me. ‘Sometimes i wonder if youre gonna screw this up with me/ but you told lucy you’d kill yourself if i ever leave” …………girl i am begging you to see a therapist (side note did anyone else have a friend in hs whos bf would say that shit a lot?? I remember straight up fighting with a friend who refused to break up w her bf bc he would threaten to end his own life is she did and he was like 16? If an adult is saying that same shit i would be Very concerned not gossiping about it???) “i chose this cyclone with you” my first reaction was: ride the cyclone the musical? Overall i liked the first half but you lost me at charlie puth (hes the one with eyebrow right? I think i get him and miles teller mixed up) (i dont know who either of these men are)

3. My boy only breaks his favorite things:

Okay tbh i thought this was gonna be one of my least favorites, but the total opposite happened. I think this is one of my top 5 favorites on this album. I do think that there is a difference between a poem and a song and that they are not always interchangeable. I feel like if this was edited into a poem it would be KILLER. The visuals, the the story, the vocabulary, the sadness in it. “Im queen of sandcastles he destroys/ There was danger in the heat of my touch/ once i fix me/ hes gonna miss me/ i felt more when we played pretend then with all the kens / cause he took me out of my box” i feel like ever since folklore, taylors been trying to push these big fancy words and sometimes it feels awkward and forced, but this is one of the rare songs that doesn't suffer from that.

4. Down bad:

meh. Chorus is catchy. I dont love the narrative “fuck it if i cant have him/ i might just it would make no difference” but i also have never once experienced that over a person before lmao……….taylor go to therapy. Nothing really stands out about this to me otherwise. No offense, but it sounds like a generic jack antonoff song lol. Like maybe if another artist released this, i would enjoy it more but idk i wouldnt expect it from taylor i guess. Just kinda feels boring to me sorry if u enjoy it <3

5. So long, london:

oh man were done with british men now for real for real. “ two graves one gun. I'll find someone” its over for joe and matty (but thats fine if all she has to say about joe is what i think she said on this album i am happy i think We Get It…) Aaron dessner i love u (remember when he reposted me on his ig ahh).”i kept calm and carried the weight of the rift/ pulled him in tighter each time he was drifting away” + “I stopped trying to make him laugh/ stopped trying to drill the safe/ i didnt opt in to be our odd man out/ im pissed off you let me give you all of that youth for free” oof i FELT that one a LITTLE too hard. I think this is both a song about matty and joe- i think she had a life and an attachment to london just in general through both relationships, “im just mad as hell because i loved this place” and so reflecting back on how both are over and how all those plans with either are done. “You sacrificed us to the gods of your bluest days” OKAY kinda hate this phrase bc it feels like shes placing blame on whomever’s mental health/ depression, like as if they made the conscious decision to sacrifice the relationship solely. This very much feels like “how much sadness did you think i could take before i got bored???” overall top favorite songs bc it doesnt have too many cringey or odd lyrics and the production is 10/10 thank u aaron dessner ilysm king

6. But daddy i love him:

tbh when i got the leak this was the first song i listened to bc i thought it was gonna be the worst one and i wanted to get it over with (i was RIGHT until she dropped that second half……..) and i DIDNT have the lyrics obviously so i couldnt for the life of me figure out if she really said “im having his baby…..NO IM NOT!” until the VERY end of the song and bro…….the cringe. The cringe. The cringe. This is also when i started to question if this was real or if i was passing out a fake leak, lol. I dont understand how she could be saying this shit about matty. And like we all know it lol. “Sometimes growing up precocious sometimes means not growing up at all” …….but like does it??? I feel like thats kinda an oxymoron or something like i understand what shes trying to say and MOST of the time her metaphors and comparisons make sense to me but like this one doesnt. Growing up precocious means to grow up more advanced in maturity, how would that also mean not growing up at all? Is it just me getting stoned and overthinking things? “Ill tell you something about my good name/ its mine alone to disgrace” true that bestie ur doin a great job by being so politically quiet over the past couple of yeats after making a whole asss documentary about wanting to be on the right side of history. But I digress i am just one of those bitches performing soliloquies you'll never see. Overall this song is very weird and cringey imo and i wish it stayed in whatever vault it was sitting in lol.

7.Fresh out of the slammer: “In the shade of how he was feeling” -_- dont like this narrative already. I could honestly go on a rant about why i dont like this song but im going to spare for the sake of my sanity in this review of thirty one fucking songs but its along these lines “to the one who says im the girl of his american dreams” oh brother. otherwise i dont care for many of the lyrics, the chorus/ melody/vibe is mid i guess. It sounds like another jack song (i was right)

8. Florida!!!: “all my friends smell like weed or little babies” okay i know what she was trying to say but im SORRY you cant tell me she couldnt think of ANY other way to say her friends are either parents partiers lmao. Deserves jail for that but luckily the vibe and the chorus of the song are really catchy and florence’s voice is beautiful in it. “Well me and my ghost we had a hell of a time/ yes im haunted but im feeling just fine” CHILLS i loved it. I didnt think i would like this song but (maybe as much as i like no body, no crime which is meh) but no i lowkey love this song and think its really fun. Once again the drug references start to get heavy here in the album and like i mentioned i do get slightly triggered by drug mentions.

9. Guilty as sin?:

okay taylor we get it you masterbate. Another strong jack song and it’s pretty similar to others on the album so nothing besides the sexual lyrics stand out.

10. Whos afraid of little old me?:

“if you wanted me dead you should have just said/ nothing makes me feel more alive” ooooooooooh i love that. I feel like a live or an acoustic version of this song would give me CHILLS. “Is it a wonder i broke / lets hear one more joke/ then we can all laugh until i cry” honestly so relatable, “i was tame, i was gentle til the circus life made me mean” oh :( that hurt bc it just reminds me of the vibe shift during midnights era/ eras tour where it *feels* like she started to pull back from being taylor swift and started to become Taylor Swift (™) and the way her fans/ media has treated her made her mean or cold or something and that just makes me feel sad. “Whos afraid of little old me? You caged me and then you called me crazy! I am what i am cause you trained me! SO. WHOS. AFRAID. OF ME? Again the narcotics line kinda makes me feel icky but thats bc i have that thing about drugs and just dont LOVE all the references to them. Like i know its not that serious but theres a reason why i dont seek out artists that typically talk or write about that stuff ya know so its weird. Overall i think the production is one of the most unique ones on this part of the album.

11. I can fix him (no really i can):

i hate it all around i think. I hate the narrative of “i can fix him!! I can handle a dangerous man!!! No really i can!!!” there is a reason why this song is barely 3 mins long lol it should have been cut but i think taylor wanted to Be Edgy. i dont care for the productions or the lyrics, its very forgetful imo.

12. Loml:

okay i really thought this was gonna be a joe song (rip) so i was thinking it was gonna be really deep and sad and like it IS but with the context of it being the pt 2 fling with matty it doesnt seem like it now. Anyone who thinks this is not about matty please look at the lyrics and be so serious “whos gonna stop us from waltzing back into reklndled flames/ if we know the steps anyway” I think matty just said too much shit to taylor during their fling and taylor WAS truly convinced this her invisible string and he promised her a lot that he couldnt upkeep and ghosted her and she took it SUPER hard, i mean two breakups in one year is a lot (me, whos never been through a single breakup once). I just dont understand how she feels like matty is the greatest loss of her life. One of my favorite tracks on the album, “our field of dreams engulfed in fire/ your arsons match your somber eyes” a LOT of these lyrics are actually really good imo. I think im the only one that didnt find the “mr. steal your girl and make her cry” line idk i thought it was actually kinda neat, the phrasing of it, kinda contradicts the title “love of my life” because he was never that serious or respectful of her and only use her from the beginning. This is another song that i think would make KILLER poem over song. Overall i think the piano is haunting and a live version of this will make me die, thank u again aaron dessner 10/10

13. I can do it with a broken heart:

ngl i thought this was the opening to mastermind for a hot second- also gave me a scare on whether or not this was a fake leak lol. Catchy ass chorus but very YOYOK. “Breaking down i hit the floor/ All the pieces of me shattered/ as the crowd was shouting “more!” ooffffffff seeeeee that is exactly WHAT i was afraid she was feeling durning the eras tour after the joe breakup/ matty situation and all these stupid twitter and tik tok swiffers were out here overanalyzing EVERYTHING and demanding rep tv like every other day. “Im so depressed i act like its my birthday” …….okay taylor. Like a lot of people have said, i think she interchanges “depressed” for “sad” a lot and the two are not the same. I think taylor wrote this song (but specifically the “i cry a lot time but i am so productive” and was like “yup this part is gonna go viral on tik tok,” initially i wrote “feels like taylor saw that depression barbie commercial in barbie 2023 and wrote a song based on that” lol which i still agree with. Overall the production of this screams midnights reject lol, very jack antonoff. Over time this song has grown on me a lot. Originally i didnt care for it but now its kind of a bop but i think its bc its so similar to YOYOK. “Try and come for my job” @taylorswift deadass you couldn’t think of anything else to say instead. cmon. I was mostly on board until that very last part, just seemed very cheesy lol like its not a big deal but i thought it delivered well without it.

14. The smallest man who ever lived:

(aaron thank u for saving me and this entire album) “they just ghosted you/ now you know what it feels like” OUCH. “i dont even want you back i just want you to know/ if rusting my sparkling was the goal/ and i dont miss what we had but can someone give/ a message to the smallest man who ever lived” oh this was somber af. I am obsessed with the phrasing of the chorus. I also LOVE taylors deeper voice its def giving me the same feelings MTR gave me from folklore, that made me CRY and this was very similar. This is another classic taylor song that i could EASILY write like a ten page essay about if someone put a gun to my head. I know that its about a *romantic* relationship, but it feels general enough to be able to relate to anyone who is close to someone with an addiction or struggles with substances. A lot of addicts dont understand the impact of their addiction or their behaviors that they display while struggling. To meeeeee, this feels very much like “you were self centered and betrayed my trust, was any of this true? Real? Am i paranoid or is this that deep?” “it wasnt sexy once it wasnt forbidden” has me thinking lots of things. I think that describes taylors “type”if that makes sense? Like i said i would need to literally break this song down line by line like its ridiculous i have too many thoughts about this song i have listened to it on repeat six times by the time im typing this. “In public showed me off/ then sank in stoned oblivion” FUCK. “you treat her like an also-ran” honestly i have never heard of that phrase/word thank u dr. swift. “Were you sent by someone who wanted me DEAD/ did you sleep with a GUN underneath OUR BED/ were you writing a BOOK?/ were you a sleeper cell SPY? IN 5O YEARS WILL THIS BE ALL DECLASSIFIED?/ AND YOU’LL CONFESS WHY YOU DID IT!/ AND ILL SAY GOOD RIDDANCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” tears were formed besties. Also love the gracie abrams reference. “And you deserve prison but you wont get time” i feel like is very metaphorical like you DESERVE to be punished for what you did to me but you won’t admit to the guilt, you wont admit your wrongdoings, you wont admit that i would have done anything for you and you have no problem replacing me. “You said normal girls were boring/ but you were gone by the morning” first of all red flag girlie, nonetheless heartbreaking. “And in plain sight you hid/ but you are what you did” i say this with all the love in my heart, someone take taylor swift to a really good really private therapist. I could say more but i think i need to move on because i am now on my eighth cyle of listening to this song.

15. The alchemy:

already kinda hate it. “What if i told you im back/ the hospital was a drag/ worst sleep i ever had” do you think taylor swift has ever been admitted to a real hospital in this context. Feels very out of place and like i said earlier i dont love the psych ward visuals/ references she keeps inserting in this album. “He jokes its heroin but this time with an e” thanks! I fucking hate that line so much. Feels very icky, not funny. I get what shes going for but it falls so flat for me. The football references (yall know my opinion on meathead!!!!!!!! I will not engage!!!) are fucking dumb. Production is kinda lame and uninterested. Will only listen to this song if by force and will not repeat it ive head enough lets move on.

i have Lots Of Thoughts. i don’t think anyone cares about what i have to say though so i don’t think i’ll bother posting the rest lol but i did do a lot of work so ill post just a bit to make myself feel better.

[rancid-zinnia-onthepatio]

BEHOLD‼️ HE IS MYSTERIO‼️

hey if I end up redesigning him I’ll just edit the picture

SO, Quentin Beck mention

He's not AS developed as curt and otto bc I'm still trying to figure out his deal

An actor, stuntman, special effects expert, he wanted a professional career in the movie business. After directing his own, it failed miserably. Being a very passionate artist at heart, this messed him up.

He used his resources to start off in the criminal business, figuring his talents would best be used elsewhere. Hiding behind the Mysterio persona, others he works with think he's a sorcerer. (He ALWAYS has the bowl on when he's working with criminals to hide his real identity) Beck spends his days as a magician, performing at smaller shows.

A couple of years after Spider-Man's debut, Beck wonders why the hero never capitalized on his fame. A man who never got over the addiction for applause and fame, grew spiteful of the hero. (I may find a way to link Spider-Man to the movie thing to further his motive) So, he decided to take him down by becoming a worthy match for the spider and even take his popularity while he's at it!

random facts

The pettiest/sassiest man in this universe.

He knows a bit of French, and will flex it whenever he can.

A very multi-talented individual- will get flustered if you compliment him (then say "of course i am!").

He's mildly allergic to roses, this gets used against him to reveal his identity.

The storyline for Mysterio is set up like a mystery for now. Mysterio's real identity isn't known, and is usually quite hidden in the criminal world for the sake of protecting his civilian identity.

Quentin presents himself as a neat freak so he can get away with messing around with his sleeves or coat. (there's hidden buttons inside that can ctrl robots and such)

Studied Spider-Man for a couple of years, so he is a sort of advisor for Ock during the Sinister Six arc.

Loves David Bowie, his playlist would be full of him.

Multiple outfits for multiple purposes. Some may have a cape, some may not, but they all have the bowl.

Due to his stunt work, he is athletic, which catches Spidey off-guard at times. (But he's not obnoxiously buff, he's just lean)

[aurcls]

HSHQTASK059: FAREWELL !

i know i already yapped in the admin post but let me continue <3

1: when did you join ? what made you join ? what do you remember from the plotlines that were current at the time ? where were you in life when you joined and where are you now ?

i joined in 2015 as a high school freshman, jfc ! i don't think there was anything major going on, the rp was very much a rich kids rp so the drama was chill and petty; entertaining but not that deep. one thing that made me join ( aside from my obsession with royals ) was the fact that phoebe tonkin - THE most popular fc at the time - was up for grabs. i thought it was meant to be !

2: which characters have you written over the years ?

errrmmm... merjem/kalla, olivier, livia, florencio, alexander, anneli, lixun, nicole, maryam, blazej, definitely some other characters whose names and existence i cannot remember

3: what is your favourite plotline that you've been part of ?

i think this is just nostalgia but i think olivier-viggo-armani-lykke-anton-etc era was my fave. artistically it's very hollow but i think the lightness of it all makes it my favourite. i also sort of view it as a testament of my own naivety and youth. i'm not saying i'm old now but i'm not 17 without a single worry. back then ( because i wasn't busy and i could sat in front of my computer for hours ) the plots moved quickly and the threads were really fun to follow. there weren't that many characters so everyone was, in a way, forced to write with each other so the plotlines were very interactive. i appreciate the organic way things evolved. ( i do have a soft spot for annexei but i think it's mainly bc i admire alexei's characterization so much and elisa's ability to depict depression )

4: what about other people's plotlines ?

i was insanely invested in the zulu conflict of 2020. it had so many moving parts and i think if it had only gotten a chance to evolve even further, it would have been on a whole new level <3

5: who is your favourite character from the ones you've played ? why ? what made you love them ? what made them so fun to write ?

i think nicole or olivier. nicole's plotline was so well defined that it was fun to write her. i loved her relationships and it was interesting to write someone older. i think she's a character i could write a book about but she wasn't the best for an rp setting ? getting a chance to be involved in the english drama was wonderful ! olivier on the other hand... i think he's just a fave because he lets me connect to the old days ? when rp was a top priority and everything was exciting and fun. i don't want this to sound like it isn't that anymore but times were different back then and i don't think it ever felt the same after maybe high school graduation ?

6: if you could relive a plotline, which would it be ?

i think the finale of the english plotline maybe ? or the insanity of the lawn chair thing. possibly the rise of olykke too <3 but honestly i would like to experience all of it again, as cliche as it sounds. i will very think of the nights i stayed up until 4 or 5 am just to write/read the dash. waiting for a reply was such an addictive feeling and idk where i'll find my replacement for it. it really breaks my heart and makes me feel very old to realize that i don't know if i'll experience the excitement again. those sleep-deprived nights were some of my best. i've said "it's just rp" a million times but honestly, rping itself is such an experience and i'm glad i've gotten to get the best version of it.

7: is there a plotline that you'd edit now if you could ?

i think i'd improve the kalla era's germany. i didn't do much with it.

8: what's a plotline you wish you would have been able to finish before closing or just write more of ?

i would have loved to finish aurel x araya story, i mean i can probably still accomplish that but nbskdgbjs there were big plans for the slovakians and it's a shame we never got to write it out on the dash. i think i would have enjoyed writing the inner struggle of blazej. he had a lot of potential but alas, it could not be !

9: what is your favourite ooc memory ?

i have two that stick out but my trip with serre ? we were on my sister's couch writing the stupid lawn chair saga and i think it was the first time in a long time that i had that much fun writing ! the second one would be me visiting evy because it was a surreal experience and i have to admit i was so socially awkward that evy's family probably thinks i'm weird nfgbkdsgbj i just think it's amazing that those two meetings could happen ? prior to hshq, i hadn't really believed in online friendships, everyone felt just too remote ! a special mention goes to this crackthread thing we wrote: link just a random memory though: i remember when we did those feedback surveys. we sorta forgot them but they were so important at that one point. other funny thing is our old adminooc blog. snapchat replaced it and then some years later discord replaced snapchat. we should bring the admin snapchat back btw @armanicatherina & @barbiebraganca

10: where can others find you if they want to get in touch ?

i'll be on discord !!! you can find me on the hshq server ( which we aren't deleting if i can have a say ;) )

11: what else would you like to say ?

i said a lot in the admin post but i actually had to "keep it short" so here i will say so many things that you wish i had edited this. for me rping has been an amazing way to connect with other people, learn about people through writing and to experience emotions that i wouldn't otherwise. some of the words i've read here have managed to capture thoughts that i hadn't been able to put into words and it's been amazing to see how differently people think but also how alike some feelings among different people are. i often try to wrap my head around the fact that this group's been going for eight amazing years. i've gone through a lot in those eight years and the existence of this group has brought me a lot of joy. i am sad to let go of it and i guess i'm in a bit of denial because i keep thinking that 1x1 rping exists and y'know... even if a group doesn't exist, threads can still happen. when i think about hshq and the plotlines i've read and written, one thing really sticks out to me and it's the way we shifted from a p basic rich kids rp into something intricate and sophisticated ( yes, we had a drug related nye event and we've had a fair share of petty fights ). the range of emotions people have been able to write and the psychological work they've done to write a convincing and very realistic humans is something everyone can be proud of. i don't know if i look like a sadist but i was most impressed by the depictions of sadness, guilt and self-loathing. in my opinion it's not easy to write a piece of sad prose without it being a bit melodramatic. aside from hshq's longevity, the most amazing thing has to be everyone's willingness to get involved. the plot drops that i wrote wouldn't have happened without your input and when it got too tough for me to write them myself, y'all stepped up and continued the plotdrops with your newsposts. as an admin, it's been so so so so so awesome that we've been able to put some responsibilities on the members and have you guys perform better than well. i think we did something unique here and i'm so proud of us as a group!!!! i wish i could flex about this irl because hshq's history and way of working is something extraordinary. i really wish i could properly put my love for hshq into words. i don't know how to express its meaning and influence in my life. i feel like it has helped me to improve my writing but more importantly it has taught me a thing of two about empathy <3 i really hope we'll stay in touch and if anyone comes to europe, or more spesifically finland, don't be afraid to message me bc i'd love to meet up !

[twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat]

oooof ask for hozier recs and i shall deliver!! i've been obsessed with him i fear...

my personal rn is probably Too Sweet, but my most played song of 2023 was All Things End. beautifully moving (as in i was sobbing for the entire song the first time i heard it), i just adore the way he describes love.

more personal favorites: Through Me (this song is insane actually!! can't describe it with words.), From Eden (one of the best love songs i've ever heard), Angel of Small Death (soo insanely addictive, his voice in this one ugh) and Movement (soft and beautiful and the very first song of his that I heard). The Eat Your Young EP is a wonder in itself but tbh so is everything else,,,,

now for some specifically sugu coded songs: Through Me and All Things End, Who We Are from his last album (the lyrics... my days the lyrics are so beautiful), Blood Upon the Snow!! (written for God of War Ragnarok, it's so good ??), Almost (Sweet Music) (be still my foolish heart, don't ruin this on me ✊😔)

but like i said, every time i hear a Hozier song it's sugu coded in my head... the lyrics always make sense to me. the way they're always so poetically romantic, yet in many of them there's a lingering pain underneath, wether it's because the love is already gone or because the love is simply way too much for just one heart to handle... i'm not okay.

fun fact, i once fell asleep listening to him and dreamt that it was suguru singing... and you know what it makes so much sense, i'll take it.

this got kinda long i'm sorry :(( anyways i hope you have a great day/night

(perhaps i shall write a lil' sugu thing inspired by too sweet)

NOE !!!! finally getting to this……. thank you so much for the recs!!! 🥺🥺 i appreciate it sm…… putting some of my thoughts under the cut hehe

I LOVE TOO SWEET . SO MUCH. it was the first song of his i listened to and wowwwwwww does it go hard….. so catchy and good and just. augh. IT’S SO SUGUCODED TO ME…. esp depression era sugu….. the lyrics are just gorgeous and so him. “but while in this world // i think i’ll take my whiskey neat // my coffee black and my bed at three // you’re too sweet for me”…. :’3 my baby

FROM EDEN IS SUCH A BOP . i loveee the instrumental ……. AND THE LYRICS . ”honey you’re familiar like my mirror years ago // idealism sits in prison, chivalry fell on its sword” <- BANGERRRR I CRIED . i am thinking many knight sugu thoughts ngl…. “i slithered here from eden just to sit outside your door” THINKING MORE SUGU THOUGHTS but specifically cult leader sugu …. aughhh 😔😔

angel of small death & the codeine scene……… tell me why this one made me so insane . such a tasty title and instrumental and lyrics i’m just????? i feel this way abt all of these but this one is so sugucoded too 😭 “freshly disowned in some frozen devotion”…. that’s our guy <333

EAT YOUR YOUNG IS SO CRAZY GOOD OUGHH….. i love love loveeee the “seven new ways that you can eat your young” part 😵‍💫😵‍💫 soso addicting. the lyrics are great and his voice is just soooo……. i don’t even know . i’m a little obsessed . “it’s quicker and easier to eat your young”…….. hhhhhhhhHH very sugucoded too ofc . any mention of eating is automatically a sugu reference 🙏

movement is super catchy !!!!! kinda relaxing too…… very soft. i rlly like the chorus :33 gives me waltz vibes…… kinda haunting…….

all things end + through me are soso pretty!!!! goshhhh his voice is nice……. i love the final part of all things end!!! w the synchronized clapping!!!!! so good …. and the lyrics for through me are so tasty . “with each grave, i think of loss // and i can only think of you // and i couldn’t measure it”…….. nomnom

ohhhhhh who we are is so beautiful :(((( his voice sounds so tender ….. i def get the sugu vibes here too!!!!! the feeling of something important slipping through your fingers …. “this phantom life, it sharpens like an image // but it sharpens like a knife” 😵‍💫😵‍💫 vert tasty . very sugu.

I’VE HEARD BLOOD UPON THE SNOW BEFORE BC OF RAGNAROK….. godddd it’s so. chillingly beautiful. the instrumental scratches my brain just right …… and the LYRICS . “too all things housed in her silence // nature offers a violence”….. “the parent forced to eat its young before i grows”…… it’s very . Raw . i like it a lot :3

AND FINALLY….. almost (sweet music). SO GOOD. i adore this instrumental and vibe so much + the lyrics are obv super pretty….. “i laugh like me again — she laughs like you”…… i love how light this one sounds in comparison to some of the other ones!!! a summer song for sure… a lil bittersweet….. and the chorus is literally SO addicting i can’t stand it……. BUT YES THIS ONE IS SO VERY SUGU. NOE. IM TEARING UP 😭😭 “be still my foolish heart // don’t ruin this on me”…. the idea of sugu thinking this…. maybe an au where he slowly recovers after his almost-defection….. or a childhood friends to lovers au…… i dunno. but my brain is spinning. i love him :(((((((

PHEWWW THOSE WERE GOOD . i love his voice sm….. i think my favs out of these options are too sweet, almost (sweet song), from eden and maybeeee angel of sweet death/eat your young…. but they were all super catchy :’3 thank you sm for these recs noe… sugu has invaded my brain

[fairyhagmother]

okay i’m sorry i simply have to come here. i just love the persephone lore you are sharing. please, im begging for more persephone thoughts from you.

HIIIIIII LILY IN THE INBOX!!!!

the thing is right, you have heard most of my Pippa lore bc a.it is largely inspired by yours and b.whenever I am struck with a Pippa insight I literally run to yell at you in ur inbox, replies, etc.

+ I 100% believe her situation during the civil war was extremely dire. she literally had to resort to cannibalism. it must have been real bad.

+ I'm so sorry everybody. but her relationship to festus is so, so precious to me. It's one of the first things I was dead set on when I finished the book and decided to forego all feelings of shame and write. a 4 weddings and a funeral AU. as they were my wedding 1 I guess I have spent a lot of time with them and I'm very attached now okay.

+ they literally bring out the best in each other. persephone is actually very shy and quiet and he makes her more adventurous and fun! persephone mellows festus out. she hates gambling so he quits cold turkey for her sake. she makes him feel more confident so he drops the macho facade as he matures. still loves a party though! sorry back to pippa

+basically the moral compass of her friend group. like: no livia dont take apart palmyras pointe shoes so she breaks her ankle come on now. her friends are insanely protective of her because they see her as this pure soul that must be protected at all costs. additionally, vip and livia both know how traumatic the war was on the price household (not the cannibalism I dont think, but they know it was bad), and they really admire / are puzzled by how she emerged from all that while remaining kindhearted.

+ she has a little boy who, at times, violently reminds her of mizzen.

+ she's kind of a blindspot of coriolanus's but not because he underestimates her, but because he finds her so repulsive that he refuses to see her as anything more than an abstract concept. livia keeps saying these insane things about him to Pippa over tea, and Pippa is immediately like. this guy is crazy actually. but festus is like nah Pippa that's just coryo he's a bit of a freak but he's harmless, he was my best man!

+ festus dies out of nowhere. the coroner rules it a morphling overdose. to Pippa's dismay, no one in the friend group is shocked and they keep coming to her and: she should have said something if festus was struggling with addiction! you remember how he was at the academy, etc, etc. where the fuck did these stories even come from you know? well pippa can't prove it but she has an inkling.

+ she goes insane with grief. like. its horrible. she keeps telling everyone that something's off but no one listens to her because as far as they are concerned its just the insane ranting of a recently widowed woman.

+ and as I said, she keeps a box of 'evidence' that coriolanus is somehow behind all these mysterious 'purges'. it gets brought up when snow is tried at the hague of panem circa mockingjay.

+ Pippa feels guilty for having been a passive cog in an objectively evil machine, along with festus. she loved / loves him so much but she never really gets over the fact that they were complicit with the regime. she thinks back to all the times her friends called her kind, and she wonders if they're wrong.

[lostfracturess]

hi nici i'm back

So I stumbled on, each day collapsing into the next.  Until the next semester started and I remembered I had an actual job.

lmaoooo wait he kinda relatable for that ngl

GASSPPP SHE'S IN THE CLASS HE'S TEACHIGN omg this is so crazy. w all their history. n it's just back to square one. teacher n student. also i cant believe it's been four weeks sighhh

"Have you ever thought about how I felt when I found you?" she snapped, her voice rising. "How terrified I was when you wouldn't respond? When you couldn't even recognize me? When I thought you'd die on me?" She took a shaky breath. "Fuck Satoru, I held your face in my hands while you were barely breathing!"

YES!! LIKE SRS I CAN ONLY IMAGINE HOW TERRIFYING THAT WAS. omg this argument scene i canttt i mean reader kinda spittin facts but also idk it's hard for him too :((

"And that," she leaned closer, almost brushing my lips, "is what makes you the most pathetic person I know."

GODD I'M LOVING THIS FUCKING ANGST RN IT'S SO GOOD. THE ANGER IS SO PALPABLE also i just love how consistently in character reader is

But I also wanted nothing more than to fuck that attitude out of her right then and there.

HELPSDKFJSHDKF i must love toxic bc this had me UHHHHHH HAD ME FEELIN LOTS

:(( omg reader saying she's been waiting for it to get easier n how he said it would (once again proposing the song loml by ts for s&c couple) also KSDJFHSDKL suguru always walking in on them damn. send HIM to therapy too LOL

man i am EXHAUSTED for satoru rn. every single day for him is like a living hell jesus. i mean it CANNOT feel good for him to live this way, obv he's an addict but i guess i always err on the side that it's not really addicts faults?? esp when you know what goes on biochemically when it comes to addictions, they are literally almost impossible to fight, and in a lot of cases, canonically for s&c gojo too, addicts didn't WANT to be come miserable n codependent on substances. a lot of times, it's just bad place/time or someone coercing or influencing them to begin. and then they're fucked for life. the fact he's managed to become a self sufficient professor and maintain surgerical prowess while fighting an addiction is incredible, but he neeeeeds to get clean. like, there's nothing more important rn than for him to just. literally put himself in rehab, in therapy, etc. idk. im word vomiting here but i just really hope he gets genuine professional help. ive always found it interesting how doctors are at times the most careless of their own health

DAMNNN he called her a bitch.

oh my godsshhh the hATE SEX. PLS.

"You're a fucking hypocrite, you know that?" I leaned closer, my mouth close to her ear. "You hate who I am, but you crave this, don't you? Giving up control, being at my mercy. Admit it."

sighhhh. yes.

I leaned down over her, my hand snaking into her hair. I grabbed it tightly, forcing her head up to meet mine. "I love you, first-year," I murmured against her ear. She trembled, but her defiance remained strong. "I hate you." I sighed — always so fierce, makes me wonder what it takes to fuck that stubborn attitude out of her.  "It's alright, I love you enough for both of us."

HEEELPPP IM DECEASED THIS IS SO SEXY AND SO TOXIC AT THE SAME TIME SFKJHSDKFJS

damn. this chapter was just pure angst. im ngl gojo's brain is an insane thing, and the way you WROTE THISSS NICI???? literal poetry. i cannot believe how you can make me feel sm emotions n im like exhauted rn. emotionally worn out. but in a good way lol idk if this makes sense, but in the sense that it hurts so good?? anyways yet another awesome chapter, thanks sm for your hard work :''')

hello in part two !!

GASSPPP SHE'S IN THE CLASS HE'S TEACHIGN omg this is so crazy. w all their history. n it's just back to square one. teacher n student. also i cant believe it's been four weeks sighhh

they really are back to the beginning, but still everything changed, i loved this idea that they have this kind of seeing each other for the first time again in class as like in the beginning of the story 🫠💔

HELPSDKFJSHDKF i must love toxic bc this had me UHHHHHH HAD ME FEELIN LOTS

lol you're not the only one haha

also KSDJFHSDKL suguru always walking in on them damn. send HIM to therapy too LOL

poor suguru – the man needs a break from walking in on this trainwreck of a relationship. and yeah, a good therapist wouldn't hurt him either 😂😂

& yes ur talk about addiction is spot on. it breaks my heart, too, because that ongoing internal struggle is a huge part of what makes gojo such a compelling character.

his addiction isn't just a simple choice, it's incredibly complex, especially when you factor in his history and the immense pressure he faces every day. and his self-hatred and guilt just fuel the cycle.

and yes gojo desperately needs help, but for him, there's that added layer of fear – the fear of vulnerability, the fear of failure, and the overwhelming belief that he doesn't deserve help. really tragic. shame the author for writing this pewww !!

DAMNNN he called her a bitch.

i found it hilarious ngl 😂😂

ahhh, thank you so so much for always reading, commenting, and sharing your thoughts so generously ellie. it truly means the world to me 😭😭❤️

[chirpsythismorning]

wait you're not saying you think Jonathan might be Hoppers son too, right? hooking up Twice and having Two sets of kids with each other multiple years apart? sounds a bit too out there and something that would have Had to have come up before if they want it to be satisfying, because there'd be no way either of them could be in the dark about it

Hey, I get it! I was also skeptical myself (I still am)!

To be fair, when it comes to Jonathan, I'm still not 100% certain Hopper is his dad. But tbh, the fact that there is so much sufficient evidence he is Will and El's, along with some notable mentions pointing to the possibility he could be Jon's too, I'm intrigued. Like, they might as well go all out if they're going this route anyways?

No, I would not say it's explicit by any means, though I also wouldn't say with certainty that it's never come up at all either?

I also want to say that it took me a while to get here. I didn't just believe it all at once, it took going through different revelations and correcting theories based on things not adding up, while in contrast other things made a lot more sense for the overall story. And that is bound to continue happening regardless of what I think at this moment!

Initially, after stumbling across twelvegate, I wasn't even sure Will and El were twins? It wasn't until AGAIN rewatching certain scenes and seeing all this twin imagery that made it hard not to consider?

Though even so, at the time I was still pretty set on the assumption that they couldn't have the same mom, with Joyce obviously being Will's mom and Terry obviously being El's mom (right...). And so I thought maybe they could just be half-siblings? Sharing the same dad (Lonnie) and conceived around roughly the same time? Estranged siblings, only mere days/weeks apart? And so like, might as well be twins? I guess?

This was a pretty easy conclusion to come to because there was already a decent amount of evidence from s1 pointing to Lonnie potentially being a volunteer for MKUltra, alongside Terry.

I made a shit-post about this a while back. In case you want to see all the images related to this, feel free to check that out. I'll try to summarize it here quickly though, bc it's probably too vague there with the images alone:

When Hopper and Cal are at the Library in s1, we're shown quick snapshots of newspaper clippings related to Hawkins Lab, with one picture being the volunteers that participated in MKUltra. Though, the first time we see it, it's a negative image. So there was almost this anonymity to it, making you wonder if there was something that might have warranted them not wanting us to see it fully? At least not right away, for some reason? And I think this actually might have been because the effect made it appear like most of the participants were likely women, bc they all had long hair. But then, when we're finally shown the original picture near the end of the episode, right before they let us see it, Hopper says Forget about her (referring to Terry), only to reveal it was actually a man with long hair at the forefront, with Terry in the back to the right... And honestly, this guy in the middle does resemble Lonnie quite a bit. Like, if they had to cast someone to play a late 20's/early 30's Lonnie, this guy would fit the bill.

In that same scene, we also got an article that specifically mentioned individuals that were already addicts/alcoholics being chosen as participants for the experiments, and I do think Lonnie could arguably fit there.

Then there's the multiple comments about Lonnie dating women younger than him, and that might very well have aligned perfectly with Terry's sister saying she had joined MKUltra in college as a way to get extra cash (he would have still been roughly 10 years older than her, assuming she was in here early 20s at the oldest). It's also implied quite a bit that he's not exactly faithful, so this possibility of him cheating on Joyce with Terry while volunteering at the lab, could explain Will and El being practically the same age and with the same dad.

Basically this led me down a rabbit hole that had me genuinely considering the possibility that Will and El are blood related and that Lonnie could be their father, with El being born in the lab with Terry, while Will was born on the outside in Hawkins with Joyce. And I guess this could also fit the whole Will being the control group/El being the experiment group theory? Bc the lab probably found out about Will's existence after he was already born outside of the lab. Maybe they realized this would be a perfect opportunity to compare one kid in the lab vs. one out of the lab?

There are some other notable moments from s1 that read as potential evidence to me. My favorite though probably has to be this one, bc it just screams Willel twins:

This next one is so random, but here we have a transition between El in Mike's basement, followed directly by Lonnie taking a shower at the Byers...

Though, when it comes to Lonnie, he kind of falls off after s1? We get a few mentions of him here and there, but as time goes on, it's less and less. The story as a whole hasn't really prioritized him in the narrative, beyond the first two seasons (mostly the first), which would just make the revelation that he's been their father all along less impactful/satisfying if I'm being honest? Not saying he won't return in a vision or something, because I do think that's likely for s5. And yet arguably they've put more effort into connecting Terry to the overall story's narrative throughout the series than they have for Lonnie. And if you've read my previous posts about Terry, you know that's not saying much...

Which just makes you think, if they're putting all this time into prioritizing Hopper and Joyce, from the very beginning and even until now in s4, then that's probably for a reason? Remember this is a show that wants to encourage its viewers to rewatch it as an overall story once it's all finished. Emphasis on 'be kind, rewind'.

What I think makes this whole time trickery business interesting in regards to this 'crack' theory though, specifically within the context of Back to the Future, is that the plot of the movie was literally centered around Marty going to the past (1955), unintentionally preventing his parents from getting together, which in turn meant he was on track to cease to exist.

Although Marty thought he fixed it, Back to the Future Part II follows a similar storyline. Only this time, because of Marty's actions in the first film, another timeline has emerged that has lead to him, yes technically still existing in 1985 bc his parents still got together like they did in the original timeline, though unfortunately somewhere along the way, in the 70's George McFly died, which lead to a timeline contrasting the original 1985 timeline we were presented with in the first film, which looked like a literal nightmare, with Biff having taken the place of their father.

Which instantly reminds me of another certain show's incoming 1950's timeline, which is said to connect the overall story's s5 revelations with the origin story of Joyce and Hopper...

While I do agree, at a glance it's confusing to presume that not only Will and El are Hopper's kids but also Jonathan, I would argue it's just as confusing that somewhere along the way they got together, while Joyce was still married to Lonnie? If that was the case, I think the story would supplied a lot more evidence of Joyce herself knowing there is a big chance that Will could be his. But instead they behave as though they haven't talked since high school?

So... basically, regardless of time trickery or not, their memories are shot.

Which brings us to the most important piece of the puzzle:

Terrygate.

I am now 99.99% sure Terry is not El's 'Mama'... (Very strong evidence explored here and here)

And so that obviously begs to question, if Terry isn't El's mom? Then who is?

Joyce. It has to be Joyce.

And so that means that us just assuming Lonnie could be both of their dads, and with us now also assuming Joyce is their mom.. Then, maybe they are twins? Maybe all of that twin imagery connected to Will and El did count for something?

If you've read the posts about Terry not being El's mom, then you know that a lot of El's visions provided by Terry have resurfaced in different variations ever since she met her in 2x05, all the way up to now in 4x09. Not only that, but the references to 008 (Kali) in most of these flashbacks, including her flashbacks of the massacre (provided by Brenner), are incredibly suspicious. And the fact that we've got a woman doctor matching the nail polish of Terry in El's memory of her birth (one where you can hear two babies crying, I might add...) could very well be an indication that the memories she has, are tampered with...

You might be thinking NO! NO WAY! And I'm sorry but, Yes. Yes way.

Because this was in large part the main goal of MKUltra, from the very beginning. No, but like literally.

As I'm posting this, @erikiara80 posted this and... It makes so much fucking sense.

Just like El, Hopper has also been experiencing some PTSD like memory flashes throughout the series. We get the same like 10 snippets of memories. They keep reminding us with these snapshots that are super cryptic, only leaving us with more questions than answers.

Not only that, but David has said for YEARS that Sarah's death might not be what it seems, and basically alluded to the fact that she could have some sort of connection to the lab. Hopper literally experiences these flashbacks while trying to find Will in the UD, after discovering Will's tiger in Castle Byers at the end of s1 (the same stuffed animal Sarah, Will and El all have).

Not only that, but it's clear based on the setting of where Hopper is during the flashbacks with his daughter in the hospital, that he is quite literally at Hawkins lab... And so what the hell? He doesn't remember that? Why? Wouldn't that be an important detail for him to bring up and mention at some point? Wouldn't they want to inform us of his history at the lab, assuming he had one there? Wouldn't he be more skeptical about having Will go there if he had such a traumatic experience there? Unless he doesn't remember it being Hawkins lab? Unless those cheap ass memories are not the full truth in the first place??

I mean why else do these flashbacks read like forced memories more than actual reality?

Also, I find it interesting that Hopper left Hawkins right around the time before Will was born, to live in New York with his newborn and his wife (NYU is also Jon's dream school, since he was 6... Interesting).

And so what I think is going on here, is time trickery and false memories. An og timeline and a new one (or more...).

This means that Joyce, Jim, Jonathan, Will and El were probably a family at one point. But they've basically been ripped apart, losing each other (their memories of each other), leading them to believe that they are not family based on new memories in place, blocking the old memories.

The whole thing with Back to the Future is that those 3 kids can ONLY exist if their parents get together. This means that if Biff had somehow ended up preventing George and Lorraine from ever having kids like in the original timeline, then Marty and his siblings would cease to exist, as it wouldn't be possible for Biff and Lorraine to have the same kids as George and Lorraine ie. genetics.

And so this begs to question if perhaps Henry or the lab (assuming they successfully cracked time travel, which was one of the goals of MKUltra...), benefited much greater from Will and El and the entire family not knowing about their true relationship, and yet here they are experiencing the most intense bouts of deja vu I've ever seen.

This scene right here with Hopper? Still 99% unexplained. Why is this dude experiencing borderline dad deja vu, encased in a rainbow, witnessing the lights flicker firsthand (unlike Callahan, who upon arriving, the lights turn back on)? And we're all just nodding our heads like it's nothing, despite having no clue what is going on? This is the pilot? And we don't know what happened here??

Also I wanna remind ya'll that Hopper was seen mixing alcohol with Tuinal in s1, though he did stop after having suspicions he was being watched. And so presumably, since his 'daughters death' he has been highly medicated, mixing drugs/booze... not great for a persons memory... like at all (especially if it was intentionally being done to him by the lab to hide the truth from him).

This is obviously too iconic not to mention. But this basically supports the theory, that despite the this whole family being clueless about their true connection, we're still acknowledging the fact that Joyce and Hopper have indeed been intimate at some point. And here with Will's name being thrown in the middle, followed by That a yeah or? And so what's happening subtly is, Will's name being used as proof that yes. they have... aka Will existing is the proof.

Oh would you look here! Terry likes reading books on Bonsai trees? Wait, didn't Brenner open s4 as a Bonsai tree enthusiast? Also notice what Hopper at the end there? What did I tell you about that dad deja-vu It's almost like subconsciously he knows deep down that there is a connection to Terry and Brenner.

Seems like Terry knows something that someone doesn't want Joyce and Hopper (or the audience) to know... Almost like if she could actually respond to them, she would debunk/correct their assumptions. And so because she can't, the characters (and the audience) believe what is on the surface being told to us, while being forced to rewatch El's memories connected to her mother + Hopper's memories connected to his daughter, over and over in flashes... This is because despite what they're telling us, they're SHOWING us that there's obviously something we're still missing...

Hopper seeing Will's lion stuffed animal in castle byers and it triggering flashbacks of his daughter, n a gown that has clowns on it, matching the clowns in the baby nursery... Like, I don't?.. I just don't trust it? It reads as a mixture of true and false, just like El's flashbacks from Terry and the lab do.

And I'm sorry but, Owens? Oh, he knows something for sure... And there's that dad deja vu again. DUDE KNOWS SOMETHING IS OFF! HE KNOWS!

Also, I am a byler, and so I do agree in part with the byler implications fans have speculated over the years for El and Will's relationship being sort of pushed to obscurity, to represent Mike's struggle between his feelings for both of them...

But, lets really think about this for a second... Girl and boy, who are mirrored to each other for most of s1-2, don't even get properly introduced ever? Like it's just odd that it happens that way. It almost feels like they knew an introduction wouldn't have done them justice? It wouldn't have felt right for these characters, assuming we will all be going back and rewatching from a lens of them being twins and not knowing it? It also makes it a lot more interesting seeing them approach it in this way, where they're quite literally avoiding interactions between them at all costs, only for them to end up being siblings the moment they do start a real connection?

The 2 babies in between them... The keys... This has been a recurring theme since the first fucking episode ya'll, connecting all of these characters? Like, do I even have to say it..?

Will and John sitting in front of the Lucky Charms... Followed by El having deja vu, inspired by the Rainbow/Upside down horse shoe... Remind you of anyone?

Father of (micro)biology behind El, whose looking at Will, both with their matching wrist accessories (also matching Hopper's blue bracelet/watch being focused on for his introduction in the series pilot), and also with a literal Hopper diorama in front of her/between them...

Oh, and just this arguably unnecessary line, that barely even made sense in the context of the scene it was in...? Usually when this happens, it could be a hint that the whole reason it falls flat in the moment is because the true meaning lies somewhere else in a different moment, still yet to be revealed.

And then you know, there's this...

With all of that in mind, these tiny moments in particular, potentially connecting Jonathan's role in all of this, definitely have me side eying...

What part is he talking about? Part I or Part II? What timeline are we in again???!!

Is it explicit and in your face? No. Definitely not. BUT it's there and it arguably holds more weight consistently in terms of these characters all being tied together super intricately and also prioritized more than any of the other supposed parents, since the very beginning... and that seems like something that would make this revelation so fucking crazy, quite literally going full circle just like the Duffers and the actors have been saying the ending indeed accomplishes...

I am subject to be wrong about any and all of this! I am human! And I will be okay if I am wrong! Now, will you be okay with others theorizing? That is up to you my friend!

I do think that this theory does give off the vibe of the whole curtain metaphor in s2 though? How those willing to take a look behind the curtain aka consider byler for example, are going to be the same people that are going to be able to pick up on other things beyond that. Because if you're not willing to consider byler, that means you're going to have to subscribe to the claim that details don't matter, and therefore you're essentially blocking yourself from looking at anything deeper than surface level. Being willing to even look behind the curtain at all, would open the curtain behind that curtain. and the curtain behind that one, and I think behind byler, is Willel. It's like a plot twist within a plot twist. And same goes for Jopper being their biological parents.

Whether or not Jonathan is included in that, along with all of this theory as a whole, remains to be seen!

[emirrea]

I'm playing a new Genshin-themed Rimworld save again (the previous save got too big and constantly crashed the game asjfklg)

Anyway, this save is pretty much built around Scaramouche. He started out as a lonely rich explorer, with the aspiration to artificially modify his human body to become something superior to normal humans.

Fairly long explanation on the cursed, straight out-of-fanfiction stuff that has happened during this playthrough under the cut:

(EDIT: also, updates in reblogs)

Fairly quickly, people started joining Scara, and now there's seven people living with him: Childe, Kazuha, Lumine, Cyno, Zhongli, Bennett and Tighnari. There's also Nahida, but she is still a prisoner who they are trying to convert, but she'll join soon. Kazuha may have just recently set her on fire with his plasma sword, but I'm sure she didn't mind that too much lol.

But anyway, here's the thing. I gave Scara the traits beautiful, abrasive and vengeful (among other things). He has good social skills, so for the most parts he's getting along with the others well enough. Because he is beautiful, everyone has REALLY good opinions abt him. BUT because he is abrasive and vengeful, he doesn't really care about anyone. He's mostly neutral towards everyone.

Except Cyno.

From the moment Cyno joined, Scara has HATED him. And because he has the vengeful trait, Scara has literally wanted Cyno dead AND has had multiple mental breakdowns over the fact that Cyno is still alive. Cyno, on the other hand, has had a pretty positive opinion on Scara the whole time lmao.

(Also Cyno spent like half a year in a catatonic state bc he was getting over a psychite tea addiction. Things weren't going well for him, but he's okay now.)

Scara has also seen Kazuha as a rival and has wanted him dead, but it hasn't nearly been as bad as with Cyno. Sometimes Scara and Kazuha have gotten along, sometimes not.

However, while Scara has been plotting Cyno and Kazuha's deaths, those two get together and get engaged?? Don't ask me how or why or when. But they are happy together and are planning on getting married at some point.

...unless a certain someone (*cough* Scara *cough*) accidentally friendly-fires one of them before that, like he did with Bennett during a raid. Poor guy almost lost both his arm and a leg from that one shot.

Anyway, fast forward a bit, and out of nowhere, the game suddenly prompts a notication about new lovers. And here I am, wondering which two people are getting together.

It's Scara and Cyno.

At some point, they have literally gone from enemies to lovers. All while Cyno has been in a relationship with Kazuha.

And apparently it was SCARA who initiated the whole thing. After literally hating Cyno more than anyone else in the colony. And even though Scara and Kazuha's ideology disapproves multiple spouses.

...I have a feeling that things are going to get spicy. And someone is probably going to end up dead askflfjdlgf

[bisluthq]

But I cannot for the LIFE of me understand WHAT THE FUCK was Matty's reasoning throughout all of this????//

Urgh anon I feel you, I really do😭 as maddenning as the whole thing is though I do think that the simple answer is that Matty is a drug addict (per his own words, he has straight up said it) and drug addicts tend to impulsively search for temporary highs in different forms, often without being aware that that's what they're doing. Tbf Matty has also said that he's now clean from the heroin and stuff but Taylor does sing about him buying pills and being stoned so🤷🏻‍♀️ And anyways, even if a drug addict is in recovery they're still bound to have erratic behaviours and/or withdrawal symptoms and I legit think that's a big part of why this man is the mess he is. Like he would be messy anyways but with the drugs he just stands no chance and so he ends up hurting the people around him a lot without meaning to.

I did have a phase there in 2022 where I was very into the 1975 and Matty specifically as in, I wanted to fuck him and yes that is so deeply embarrassing for my life and for my soul I know ☠️☠️ but besties we'd just come out of a global pandemic that'd nearly done me in literally like I really almost ended it all so I wasn't exactly ok and I did a bunch of messy questionable stuff that year and yes had a crush on Matty bc I was fresh out the slammer (as in the pandemic lol). When it was confirmed in May that Taylor was in fact hooking up with him I joked with Nat that she went ahead and fucked him for me💀😭 but that was all before the man outed himself as an avid enjoyer of deranged misogynistic racist porn and before he said the racist ass shit about Ice Spice. No crush of mine has ever been so quickly and effectively extinguished as that one was, the moment I knew about that he was suddenly the most disgusting and unappealing human ever to me🤷🏻‍♀️ ngl kinda wish my irl crush that I've been pining after for years would do something repulsive like that and kill the crush once and for all lol. But yeah when Nat put 2 and 2 together about Question...? there was no question (pun intended lol) between us that the song was about Matty, I'd been listening a lot to 75 songs and yeah he is the certified Sad Boi and she was the certified Good Girl back in Tatty 1.0. I think the ootw sample at the begginning of the song is making a nod to the time period when this happened, not to our boy Harold. Crazy how she was wanting explanations from Matty back then and once again does now 10 years later💀I was listening to the album again while walking home yesterday and Nat you're right I had too much faith in her lol it really does feel like she wrote this album instead of going to therapy 💀😭 it's like if she'd managed to write her way out of 2016. I do think that's ultimately a good thing though bc she carried around the wounds and trauma of 2016 for years but with this it seems like she effectively sucked the poison out of the wounds and is very determined to close the chapter and heal. I still really wish she would just go to therapy though😩 girlie can pay for the best therapist in all of the US if she wants and make them sign the most solid NDA for privacy. I legit wonder if that has been a hold up for her going to therapy, maybe she's terrified of things leaking and feels like she could never truly trust a therapist/inhibit herself enough to be able to say everything she needs to say, and so she ends up thinking that it's not worth it and instead talks to her friends and makes unhinged songs lol

”Crazy how she was wanting explanations from Matty back then and once again does now 10 years later💀” literally tho.

Also ngl I’m very grateful for your (brief but intense) crush on Matty because without it I’d never have figured out Question and then I wouldn’t be out here feeling as vindicated as I am in a post TTPD world.

[startledstoat]

i’m literally just pointing out that people in the fandom have noticed that the apparent standard in their fanart is hourglass figure, 0% body fat, massive thigh gap lol. i am obviously not hating on those bodies (that is literally what i look like!!!), just wondering why none of their characters have any sort of meat on their bones, especially regulus who canonically looks to be at least mid-sized

with what you said about remus - i agree! my favourite fics are the ones that delve into his body image and eating disorder as a result of his lycanthropy. with regulus, i don’t like it as much, mainly because people (cough cough jegulus writers) use it as a way to be like “well yes he was a massive racist prejudiced death eater voldemort fanatic but he had an eating disorder :((((( so it isn’t his fault he needs jamie to come save his wittle self :((((“

anyways thank you for your nuanced response i do appreciate actually debating with people on here instead of people just going “SKINNYPHOBIC AND MEAN LMFAO” which is like. yes maybe i am mean but skinnyphobic?? 😭

Love that you responded nicely!

When I think of Reg with those HCs I think of the EDs going along with the trans Reg idea, stemming from his body dysphoria and also having to do with him being raised with the pressure of being an upper-class pureblood "girl" who was expected to be the picture of flawless beauty, which would've been a very toxic beauty standard for someone in that position during that time (flat stomach, thigh gap, hourglass waist, full hips and chest). This is definitely not a HC that works for everyone, expecially those who don't HC Regulus to have been abused in his childhood or don't HC him to be trans.

The addiction is a separate HC and I'm not saying your take on it is wrong but my thoughts on it are a bit different. It's more what I think would have come around the same time he started realizing that he was on the very wrong side of the war and wanted out but couldn't see a way that he realistically could get out bc Voldemort isn't a dude you just go up to like "yeah man listen we had a good run but now I'm realizing that this is so much more fucked up than I thought and now I don't wanna be part of it anymore". (I like to think that he didn't betray Voldemort just because of what happened to Kreacher, but more like his doubts and fears were building up for a while and Kreacher being tortured was just the last straw)This guilt and self loathing that would likely have ensued would have been a very slippery slope, especially when paired with the pressure of being the new heir following Sirius being disowned and their father dying as well as the trauma from his potentially abusive childhood, I think he could have turned to things like calming draughts and dreamless sleep to initially calm his nerves and moods, but then fell in too deep. And it's fine that you don't like that as much! As long as you're being respectful to the people that do, because it's not a HC that's harmful to any real life people.

His redemption arc, both the canon and the fanon parts, definitely don't just erase the fact that he was a death eater that likely tortured and killed people, but the fact that he tried to do the right thing in the end does count for something. Not to mention that he was literally a teenager that was raised in that environment and was taught nothing else until age 11 when he went to hogwarts. 11 years of one type of propoganda being taught to him, during his developmental years no less, doesn't just go away. Yeah he was 18, and as a 19 year old myself I can say that he was both old enough to have learned right from wrong as he went through school, but still young enough that it's perfectly normal for him to have been terrified of turning his back on the family he knew and outright defying a genuinely horrifying maniac that killed people for fun. 18 is still a child in so many ways even if it's also an adult in some other ways.

It's unrealistic to think that Sirius and Andromeda didn't struggle themselves with nature vs nurture when they first started being taught other things in hogwarts and started hanging around other people, even if we wanna say that they were morally perfect right from the beginning and didn't have any internalized prejudices to work through.

I got off track lmao but anyway

I've actually noticed that more artists now draw plus sized characters than there used to be, and maybe that's still not a lot, but it's not a change that's going to happen overnight. It's like the difference between white james in older fanarts and indian james in newer ones. HCs come and go, and I do really hope more people get on the plus sized characters idea because I think it's great, but even people who do share that idea are still going to have different ideas of which characters it fits based on their own HCs.

The most important thing is that characters who are plus sized in canon stay that way in fanon. Characters who were never given a specified body type in canon (or maybe were specified to be skinny but not given a real reason to be skinny) are fair game for however people want to think of them.

[fairycosmos]

i got word from my ex-boyfriend's host brother that he, quote, "never loved me, dated me bc he felt bad for me, regrets dating, hates me, and wants nothing to do with me". i held back tears on the bus and cried for 15 minutes when i got home, but then got hungry and made quiches. i told my parents about how stupid that was and my mom was like "he's probably lying because why'd he do all those things for you if he 'never loved you'?? and you tell me how lazy and addicted to video games he is to the point where his friends complain about it (you know it's bad when his friends complain about it), so why would he put that much effort for a month and a half?" so i was like no literally. my dad took the more intellectual approach and said "(your friend's dad) and i will go over to his house and beat him up. and we're going to make a sign that says '(ex-bf's name) = jerkface'. because he's being a huge jerkface."

anyways, i think i've finally moved on from this horrible break up and i mean it this time!!! if he keeps moving between "oh god i still love you so much please can we be friends i can't bear to lose you" and "i actually don't want anything to do with you i regret even meeting you GODDD" i don't think he's worth crying over anymore :)

WOW what the fuck is wrong with him!!!!! im with your mam like it really sounds like he's just saying that to hurt you / cope with himself and what he's done or whatever bc you truly don't invest that much time and energy and emotion into someone (esp as an introvert 😭) if you don't like them. i am so so sorry he has put you through this and i hope you don't internalise any of the negativity or insecurity from this relationship - i hope you move forward truly knowing that you are wonderful and that you did not deserve to be treated like that. im glad you have your parents there to support you as well - they sound very real like literally he is a jerkface and also a cunt. and though it might be hard to contend with the pain inside you your life will be infinitely better off without him now he's revealed his true colours. for real. the fact that he's even reverting back to the whole i love you thing after saying that shit to manipulate you into getting back with him?? yeah absolutely not he can fuck off. you've got it love - he is quite literally in every sense of the word not worth agonising over. mwah wishing you all the love and healing you deserve - and someone who treats you right. mwah x