#bc he’s a terrible sport and I have to give him a break after 5-10 minutes or else he’ll eat me

[l3irdl3rain]

Hey guys I’ve learned a very important lesson about cats with extremely thick coat. Looking at you Arthur

When my regular short hair cats needed to be brushed and a bath it’s always been fine to do the bath and then brush them out. That is a BAD idea for Arthur. He needs brush, bath, and then brush again.

[roarsaidthedinosaur]

tagged by the wonderful @sarah-crewe!!

1. are you named after anyone? nope. my parents just liked the name :-)

2. when was the last time you cried? as prone as i am to being blue i don’t really cry all that often. mostly at touching books, movies, or tv. so i think the last time was last month when my sister had to put her puppy to sleep because he had a really rare, aggressive cancer. she just loved on him so much and made his exceptionally short time on earth full of comfort and happiness.

3. do you have kids? thankfully no i would be a terrible parent lol i am not even a good pet parent. i have no maternal instinct and i am way too protective of my alone time. i will someday be a very good auntie bc i think kids are so smart and great and fun to be around, but i like that i can give them back to their parents when i need a break and and i like that i’m not the one responsible for making sure they don’t turn out to be jerks

4. do you use sarcasm a lot? when i’m feeling spicy yah

5. what’s the first thing you notice about people? i tend to lipread since subtitles aren’t an option IRL, so the first thing is usually someone’s smile! like. noticing what people think is funny or how they look when they’re laughing. what shape their smile is, is it  : ] or  : ) or  : D or : > or : } or : | or  : B or : [] or : Ì (that one is a dimple)

6. what’s your eye color? brownish greenish ish ish

7. scary movies or happy endings? scary movies with happy/hopeful endings!

8. any special talents? i can make a water droplet noise with my mouth a la cameron from ferris bueller’s day off https://youtu.be/-HCW8PrmrCo?t=54

9. where were you born? dirty jersey baybeeeeee born n raised

10. what are your hobbies? sewing (mostly making my own patterns for little crappy toys for my friends), owning books, taking personality tests and quizzes and analyzing myself based on my results, making little paper crafts, doodlin, playing pathfinder, and lately cooking

11. have you any pets? i am stepmother to my gf’s two cats Honey & Cooper, or as I call them Big Lady & The Boy

12. what sport do you play/have played? i have tried every sport under the sun as a child, but was nerfed by the universe with pretty bad asthma so nothing ever stuck. i was a great kicker in soccer, but couldn’t keep up with the running. i loved horseback riding but got pneumonia and developed an allergy to them. i loved softball, but again with the running. tennis, martial arts, ballet... you name it, i tried it. except for hockey, that was never popular enough where i grew up to have a girls league team but i always loved watching

13. how tall are you? 5'3/4″ but my license says 5′1″ and i’m stickin’ to it pal

14. favorite subject in school? you all thought i was gonna say physics or math but it was actually english!! i loved all of the assigned reading in hs, and the not assigned reading that my teacher recommended to me outside of class, and spent most of my time with my nose in a book from age 4 (when i learned to read) until 22 when i got a grown up job. i’ve been reading stephen king since i was like, 12 lol.  in college i had a really engaging professor who fostered my love of writing. also tied for a very close second are physics and math lol gottem

15. dream job? this is a hard question because i was very fortunate and got my “dream job” out of college but realized quickly that i was not built for the environment that type of work requires or the people it attracts. my job now is technically the same function but at a very different company that is a much better fit for my personality and my values. so i have two new dream jobs (which honestly were always kind of there as pipe dreams). i would love to teach high school physics or be a writer. i am surrounded by a lot of creative people who encourage me to write which is lovely but i know i am not cut out for the instability of the entertainment industry lol nor do i think i’m talented or hardworking enough to make it there. one day i would like to make an indie horror film tho. also i second @sarah-crewe​‘s desire for a four day work week

[childofhelios]

“flower blooms and falls scars cure and buds shoot”

ship: Hades!Doyoung x Persephone!Taeyong

characters: Doyoung, Taeyong, with appearances by Jeno and mention of Zeus!Johnny and Poseidon!Ten 

rating: general/teen for slight injury and mentions of blood, also slight possessiveness from Doyoung but he regrets it very soon after

genre: fluff with angst for like .5 seconds

word count: 2.8k

title was taken from seventeen’s fallin’ flower, which is really good to listen to while reading! also, tell me if there are any mistakes bc i did convert a piece of my other writing into this fic. but anywho enjoy and feel free to send a message/ask about what you think about it :DDDD

“Taeyong, please just come out.” I lean my forehead against the black, walnut door where I can hear him franticly running around her room.  “We can talk about this like civilized people.” I hear him begin to mutter under his breath and I catch him saying my name and a few unpleasant phrases that I wish weren't associated with my name, but alas. “Taeyong, don’t you think you’re being a little immature? You’re acting like a child!” 

I almost fall forward as the door opens suddenly. Taeyong’s eyes were ablaze with fury as he stares at me in front of his door.  

“Oh, my sincerest apologies, Doyoung. I just didn’t expect to get kidnapped by someone that I’ve never met, starved for six months, accidentally eat a pomegranate, and then be stuck in this terrible, dreary place with no other company other than the dead and you. And I would rather spend time with the dead!”  

“Believe me, the dead are worse company than I am.” 

“THAT’S NOT THE POINT!” I jolt at his loud voice echoing through the manor. I’ve had his presence for over six months, and I’m still not used to having people around me. To having an actual living, breathing person in my company. He sweeps a hand through bubblegum pink bangs and takes a deep sigh. “Doyoung, I beg of you. The humans need me. Without me, they’ll die. I need to go back on the surface to assist my mother.” 

I roll my eyes. “Humans are made to die. It’s how they're made to be. Plus, She’s is a goddess that has been around for centuries. She was able to assist humans without you there. Besides,” I take a hold of his hands, his beautiful tan contrasting against the blueish pallor of mine, “didn’t you say you loved me?” 

Yanking his hand out of mine, he says, “I said I loved you a little. And if I knew that it would go straight to your head and you would try to use against me, I wouldn’t have said it. If you had given me the chance, maybe it could have grown. Maybe I would have been able to become your bride.” 

“Taeyong, you can’t leave. I finally got used to having someone with me. You can still become my husband.” 

“Doyoung. You can’t just keep me here because you’re lonely.” 

I sigh and rise to my full height, towering over him slightly. “You’ve misunderstood me. You can’t leave. I forbid it.” 

He scoffs and pushes past me. “Haven’t you heard of free will? I’m leaving and you can’t stop me.” Before he rounds the corner, something whizzes by his face. He whips around, furious with a small cut on his cheek beginning to spill golden ichor. I stride up to him and yank the sharpened ruby out of the wall.  

“It seems that you've forgotten who I am. I am Doyoung, the god of the underworld and riches. I am one of the oldest gods to exist and I’ll be one of the last to disappear. Did you think you’ll be able to leave that easily? This is my domain and I decide what comes in and out of it. And you,” I crush the ruby and let the powder run through my fingers like sand, “aren’t going anywhere, my little lotus. Now, you can walk to your room on your own, or I can have Cerberus escort you back there. Your choice, my dear.” 

If looks could kill, I would already be six feet under as Taeyong stares up at me. Slowly, he steps away and walks in the direction of his door. I watch as he leads a trail of ichor and shuts his door with a forceful SLAM! 

 I begin walking towards my quarters. As soon as I close my door, my knees give out. “Gods, why did I do that? You know that he’s right. We can’t force him here; he’s going to be unhappy and what’s the point of having him here if he’s upset the entire time?” I stare down at my hands as they tremble slightly. “I injured him. On purpose, I made him bleed.” It’s a weird feeling to be shaken by blood when that’s what I deal with every day. I see the most gruesome of murders and war causalities but injuring a minor god has me shaking in my boots. I wobble over to my sink and submerge my face underwater. I came up gasping for air and catch my reflection in the mirror. At the rate I’m paling, I’ll look more like a ghost than the people outside the manor. My eyes resemble the darkest of obsidian and have deep eye bags underneath them, my face is sunken in as if I’m a beggar from the streets, and my hair is matted in every which way. The longer I stare at myself, the more I can see the monster Taeyong must see.  

“JENO!” My voice booms and seconds later, a pile of bones bursts through the door. No, quite literally, a disassembled skeleton falls through my door and onto the ground before me. The skull, sporting a flat cap, turns towards me and grins widely.  

“Master Doyoung! What can I do to help you today?” 

“Please tend to Mr. Taeyong from now own. First, make sure his wound is taken care of. Second, make sure he eats, sleeps, and does whatever else he needs and wants to do. Do you understand?” 

“Absolutely, Master. He’s in the right hands. Or, um, bones.” 

“No tricks, Jeno. I don’t think our guest would appreciate that. And neither would I.”  

Jeno’s voice takes on a mischievous tone. “Guest? Don’t you mean groom, Master? Unless you’re having second thoughts?” 

“I’m not sure what you mean. But I do know this.” I pick up the skull and stare fiercely where the eyes would have been. “If you do anything to upset her, I will crush your bones into powder and use it as incense for the next 30 years. Do you understand?” 

“Would my bones even last that long?” 

“Do you really test me right now?” 

“Fine. I understand. Now, can you please put me back together again?” I roll my eyes, but I set down the skull in the middle of the bones. My eyes glow a bright gold and with a wave of my hand, the skeleton assembles once more. He fidgets with his cap.  

“Now, that’s much better!” 

“What happened to you?”  

“Cerberus tried to use me as a chew toy. Again.” 

“I knew there was a reason he’s my favorite.”  

“I would take personal offense to that but, he’s my favorite too.”  

“Go to Taeyong. Make sure she’s alright.”  

“Your wish is my command, Master.” As he walks out the door, his bones clatter and then I’m left in silence. I fall back into my bed, wondering if I should just apologize to him directly. I did act unreasonably, and I shouldn’t have let my anger explode like that, but I don’t want him to leave. As I lay there, I slowly drift off.  

 The next month is difficult for multiple reasons. First, immediately after I send Jeno to take care of Taeyong, he throws a fit and makes flowers grow out of every hole in his skeletal body. Then, he refuses to eat with me or even look at me. I would walk down the hall and he’d sprint into a side room just to avoid me. And let’s not even get started with the escape attempts. You would think after about 10, he would give up. But no. He has tried to escape more than 50 times. Fifty. I swear to the gods, he’s making me grow gray hairs just from stress. Then we have Johnny, Ten, and practically the entirety of the Pantheon breathing down my neck trying to bring her back. And I’ve explained to them multiple times that it’s the law of the underworld and I can’t change it simply because one young goddess is down here. But now, Thunder Thighs and Kelp-for-Brains can’t grasp it for some reason.  

I sit behind my desk, grasping my head as I glare at the piles of scrolls in front of me. You would think death was pretty cut and dry, but no. I have to deal with making sure bodies end up with families, people don’t act on stupid grudges and become monsters to kill people, or something else entirely stupid. I pick up one scroll when the door cracks open.  

“Jeno, I thought I told you if you disturbed me, I would- “  

“Let Cerberus year me apart and keep me as his chew-toy, I know, I know. But it’s urgent.”  

I drop the scroll in my hand. “If it means I can get out of my work, I’m all ears.”  

“Mr. Taeyong…. He’s disappeared again, Master.”  

The pounding in my head worsens. “Oh.” 

“Shall I go after him? Or maybe send some people after him?” 

“No, just leave him. If he’s this persistent to leave, then we should just let him go.” 

“But, Master!” 

“Enough, Jeno. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to take a rest before I break the law of my land.” I stand and stagger my way to my bedroom, ignoring Jeno’s shouts and how my head worsens with each step I take. Ugh, this whole affair is such a mess. I shouldn’t have gotten myself involved with him in the first place. I close my eyes and the next time they open; the sky had faded from the morning’s light dusk to the afternoon’s midnight blue. I rise with my robes wrinkled and sleep in my eyes. I find my way to the kitchen and snag an apple before heading to the endless pile of scrolls I left. On my way there, I see Taeyong’s door slightly ajar.  

“Jeno, I thought I told you about going through other people’s things? You never-” Instead of seeing that insufferable skeleton with a guilty grin, I find Taeyong unpacking a bag. “You’re back.” 

“Not by choice, unfortunately.”  

“Oh? I thought you had left. Did Jeno stop you? I told him not to and not to send anybody either.” 

“No, my mother stopped me. Talked about how if I came back before my time here was finished, you would kill any human that even breathed wrongly. So, now I’m back here. I’m sure you’re ecstatic about it.” 

“No!” He looks at me suspiciously, setting down the robes he took out of his bag. “I knew you didn’t want to be here, so I thought not going after you once you had left would finally let you be happy. But it appears to be untrue.” He shakes his head and turns back to his clothes. “If there’s anything I can do that would make it easier for the next five months, please tell me.” 

“I don’t know. Not being here would be pretty great.” 

I wince. “Other than that?” 

“Answer this for me. You say you want me here, but you act like a shriveled prune every time I’m near. Why?”  

“I’m not entirely sure what you mean.” 

“I mean this! This is both the most you’ve ever spoken to me and the nicest you’ve been to me. It’s been a month and we’ve barely talked.” 

“So, what should I do?” 

He walks past me to the door and looks back at me from the doorframe. “Show me. Be sincere and I’ll see if I’ll want to stay.” He walks off and I’m just left stupefied in her room. I all but sprint to my office and start scrawling out two letters.  

I summon Jeno and give him a message. “Give this to Ten and Johnny. Tell them to respond to me immediately.” 

If immediately means 6 days later, I fear for their subjects. As I skim through both of their letters, I see the same pattern of making fun of me, attempting to help, and then making fun of me again. I should have expected it from Airhead, but I thought Ten would be at least somewhat helpful. I throw both of their scrolls in the fire because there was no use in keeping those around. I slam my head into my desk a couple of times, wallowing.  

Over several days, I tried every trick known to man and god. But it either ends with me making a fool of myself or just making Taeyong even angrier. I squat in the garden and hang my head in defeat. The artificial sun in the sky beats down on my skin and my hands are covered in coarse dirt.  

“Master, are you sure you don’t want us to help you? We have staff for this sort of thing.”  

I look back at Jeno. “For the fifth time, Jeno, I truly don’t mind doing this. At least, this is something to distract me from my work. I think my headache is getting better too.” 

“That must be true, sir, because you haven’t stopped smiling since you started planting. “ 

“Really? I hadn’t noticed.” I look towards the lavender sprigs sitting next to me. “I was just thinking of Taeyong’s reaction when he sees this. I hope this brings a little bit of happiness to his stay here.” I continue planting the lavender until there was a cluster in the section closest to the entrance. At this point, I’ve only put half of the flowers in the ground. But I feel pride swell in my chest as I look at the tiny cluster I planted.  

“What are those?” I whip around to see Taeyong standing on the steps. 

“Oh, um. I was just planting some flowers in the garden. I know you’ve missed nature so I thought I would try to bring some to you.” 

“Wouldn’t they just die?” 

“No. I’ve been trying to grow different types of flowers down here and lavender was the only one that survived.” He continues to stare at me with a mysterious look in his eye. After a couple of seconds, he speeds down the stairs and gets on his knees in front of the sprigs I just planted. “What are you doing?” 

He snaps at me. “Shut up.” If it had been anybody else, they wouldn’t have been saying another word for the rest of their lives and even after that. But I close my mouth and I study Taeyong and he studies the lavender. His hands glow a soft pink and the lavender turns vibrant, almost energized. “There. That should help it for a little while.” 

“What did you just do?” 

“Just gave it a little pick-me-up.” I nod in understanding and Taeyong moves where I had placed the other flowers. “Where were you going to put these?”  

I point at the other side of the garden and he strides over there with the flowers in hand. “Ah, Taeyong. There’s no need. I have this under control.” 

He scoffs. “I’m not doing this for you. I’m doing this for the flowers because you don’t know what you’re doing.” 

“Isn’t it just simply putting the plants into the ground and tending to their needs?” 

“Oh, gods. It’s so much more than that. You must be gentle and treat them with the utmost care. You move slowly and fluidly. Come here, I’ll show you.” I squat next to him and see him sprinkling dirt to cover the roots. “Doyoung?” 

“Yes, Taeyong?” 

“Did you know that there’s a language just for flowers?” 

“Really? Fascinating. Is it possible for me to learn? Can you understand it? Wait, has the lavender been speaking the entire time?” 

Taeyong giggles and the artificial sun shines brighter. “Not that kind of language. Each flower has its own meaning. Roses are passion, daisies are innocence, carnations are good fortune, etc.” 

“Wow, then what’s lavender?” 

He stares directly into my eyes, the mysterious look back on his face. “A lot of things but to name a few: purity, calmness, and... devotion.” 

The sun beats down harder, feeling like ants are crawling over my back. “Oh.” 

“Mhm. That’s why they’re one of my favorite flowers. They have a pure message, they’re absolutely beautiful, and they’re able to grow anywhere.”  

“Oh.” 

“Doyoung, do you understand what I’m saying?” 

“To be perfectly honest, I haven’t the faintest idea.” 

His eye twitches and throws a handful of dirt at my chest. “You’re a fool. I’m saying I return your affections. I acknowledge your feelings and feel the same way. Gods, I’m saying I love you and I’m willing to become your husband.” 

It didn’t fully register so my response was: “Oh, that’s nice.”  

“Let’s just continue planting these before it gets too dark, or at least darker. Then, we can discuss this later.”  

And so, we spent the afternoon tending to the flowers and as the day faded to night, we fell asleep with “I love you’s” littering the air like the sweetest and most intoxicating perfume.  

[hey-hamlet]

BNHA AU Ideas: Alleycat

Also on AO3! 

TL;DR:  

The story of the Erasure villain: Alley Cat and his heroic kittens. Aizawa, a rather nomadic villain, accidentally acquires two teenagers and a four-year-old. It's not the most conventional family, but it'll do.

villain aizawa: hes incredibly brutal and efficient, kind of an antihero type. he shuts down some things the heroes dont see, patrols the sketchy areas, looks out for children

he kinda,,, accidentally adopted some children

shinsou and izuku were runaways from a terrible foster home that tracked down the 'villain' alleycat and basically said

"are we worth anything to anyone?" and aizawa sees these kids hurt by heroics and takes them under his wing

eri is a kid izuku stumbled upon while out with shinsou before they met aizawa, and izuku basically adopted her straight out, came back to shinsou like "hi we have a little sister now" they are like 12, eri is 4

so aizawa accidentally gets 2 teens and a lil kid and he finds out they lowkey wanna be villains like him bc they wanna help and heroes dont help people like them. aizawa's heart breaks bc he doesn't want these kids to have the life he's had, so he promises to train hitoshi and izuku only if they try for the hero course

they agree. a villain begins to train heroes to enter the very thing that hurt them, with hopes of changing it from the inside out

ok also: in this au whatever horrible thing happened to shirakumo,,,, didnt. and he's 1A's homeroom teacher. hes bright, bubbly and cheerful, with the same expulsion rate aizawa has

so, shirakumo's hero name is cloud nine, hizashi's is feedback, not present mic. they both think aizawa is dead, and separately have to deal with the villain 'alleycat' as his territory intersects w ua's zone

aizawa, as alleycat, is a lot gentler to shirakumo and hizashi, more polite when speaking to them, less brutal with his takedowns. hizashi notices, but says nothing

hitoshi and izuku, with their baby sister eri, end up living with aizawa, training to be heroes to improve them fucked up society that taught them they were worthless in the  first place

he takes them on parkour routes in the early morning, teaches them how to disarm people with knives, to use an opponents size against them.

izuku hones his ability to analyse, hitoshi learns how to push peoples buttons. there is no such thing as a fair fight for them. they break each others noses, chip a tooth or two, get black eyes. there are no hard feelings, they are together through everything

the 4 of them live pretty rough, only on what aizawa can get as a villain/working day shifts in a dodgy bar. aizawa pretends to be their dad for anything legal, says they had two different mothers. it works, somehow.

Some minor cosmetic changes:

Izuku, Hitoshi and Eri all dye their hair black. It started as them quietly wanting to look like their ‘dad’ for sentimental reasons, but they quickly worked out that it made the lie a lot easier for others to swallow.

They all take the surname Aizawa

Eri’s hair is cut into a messy bob – she loves getting Izuku to give her pigtails with the little sparkly hair ties Shouta stole for her. Izuku’s hair is shorter at the back and longer at the front, obscuring his eyes a bit. Hitoshi’s hair is shoulder length and growing, he ties it back in a low bun.

All three of the kids have scars. Eri’s are like canon but a less extreme because her quirk only just showed up. Izuku and Hitoshi have some from bullies, horrible foster parents and reckless sparing. Izuku has a few more little ones because he developed his not-dad’s love of cats and is unafraid of getting bitten – on top of his lack of self-preservation.

they go to aldera middle school, bakugo is still a little shit. to be honest, izuku hates it the most when bakugo burns his uniform - they cant afford to buy extra. there have been a few weeks hes just had to where shinsou's spare and roll the sleeves up

izuku and shinsou have a bit of a spat the afternoon of the sludge villain. it's nothing either of them remembers in a weeks time, but it means shinsou leaves school first, without izuku

bakugo corners him, notebook, allmight, etc

izuku has to ask

all might says no

izuku crumbles, such a dramatic shift from the calm but nice boy he'd been before. you can see the moment his heart breaks. all might feels terrible, but izuku has jumped down the fire escape before he can say anything.

to be honest, izuku is moments away from a full-fledged breakdown. He shoots shinsou a quick text about the villain, but pauses when he hears explosions. He knows the chances its Katsuki are tiny but he’s never been a lucky guy, so he runs towards them

basically the rest of the episode plays out like canon, izuku goes home and meets with his whole ass family panicking because he sent a vague text about a villain then was totally AWOL for 2 hours

hitoshi hugs him really tight while aizawa mumbles something about a tracking chip.

Izuku tells hitoshi about all might, but just tells aizawa vaguely that hes getting a quirk, no he isn’t in any danger, yes he’ll be safe, no he can’t tell you how.

Izuku and Hitoshi both pass the entrance exam with a mix of hero and villain points.

Izuku still doesn’t his whole bone breaky routine but he also manages to take out a few robots by himself before that. He ends up with the highest score.

Hitoshi takes out a few more robots but spends a fair bit of time pushing people out of the way of robots, yelling at people to be more careful about the others around them, and controlling people to get them out of the way of debris. He gets into the top 10.

Nezu is very very interested in the two ‘brothers’ with very different quirks that both did so well. He resolves to keep and eye on them.

Shirakumo is a riot as a teacher but boy is he stressful to be in a class with. The first insult out of Bakugo’s mouth and hes kicked him out of his class, telling him to try class B or get out of the school. (Blood King takes him. Bakugo is a little less horrible to izuku, at least where others can see)

Izukus having a quiet panic attack because Bakugo is going to kill him, and Hitoshi is caught between respecting the balls on their teacher and being pissed at the guy for putting izuku in a terrible position.

No quirk test, they do actually go see the opening ceremony. Hizashi and Shirakumo chat in sign while the principal’s speech drags on. Hitoshi and Izuku watch on, trying not to laugh when they start signing that they want to go to sleep.

Then they do the quirk test bc shirakumo’s a bastard. They end the day with Bakugo kicked out and Hagekure hanging onto her place by a thread. Izuku and Hitoshi come 4th and 5th respectively, despite not being able to use their quirks in the test. Shirakumo is interested.

Skipping to the interesting bits:

The USJ is just as terrible as canon, with the added fact that some of the thugs totally recognise izuku and hitoshi. Izuku works out how to use one for all at 1% during the attack. Hitoshi ends up with a scar on his eyebrow from a person with a claw quirk, Izuku gets a broken arm. Hitoshi sees all might in his skinny form for the first time and is suitably surprized

The sports festival goes a lot like canon in the first round, the second round features a team-up of just Hitoshi as the horse and Izuku as the rider bc they are so used to working with each other they felt it’d be more trouble to have extra team members. They arent exactly wrong and that round ends with them still in control of the 1’000’000 points band – along with a fair few teams just sitting on the sidelines with no idea how they got there.

Tournament round has izuku fighting Todoroki in the second round like canon, but in this universe, he wins (after helping him because whats izuku without a saviour complex). Hitoshi beats Tokoyami and Sero, but loses to Bakugo. The final round is Izuku vs Bakugo, they tie.

The stain arc is a riot. Izuku is interning w Gran, Hitoshi is with Nighteye who happens to be looking for ‘Alley Cat’. Hitoshi is so done with this.

Izuku finds Iida about to be attacked by stain and swoops in. Stain recognises him instantly

“Oh, you’re one of the cat’s kids, aren’t you? Let me deal with this fake hero and you can show me what your dad's taught you.”

Iida is confused – resolves to ask about it later

“You step away from him.”

“What?”

“I said. Step away from Iida. He’s – We’re going to be heroes. We’re both going to be heroes and I won’t let you hurt him!”

Stain pauses, then smiles.

“Lets see if the apple falls far from the tree, hm?” And he launches himself at Izuku

Izuku can dodge with the best of them, but he can’t get close enough to hit stain while protecting Iida. He manages to escape paralysis, but by the time Todoroki arrives stain has barely taken damage.

Todoroki isn’t the only person that responded to that warning. 1 city over, Hitoshi is franticly begging Nighteye to do something, because his brother is in danger. Nighteye is shocked at the fear in the previously apathetic child’s voice. He alerts heroes in the area, and makes his way over with a nervous Hitoshi in tow. On the other end of the city, where he’d been trying to keep an ear out for his kids, Aizawa gets the text and his heart drops. He begins running over.

Stain is taken out before any more help arrives. Without ropes, Todoroki freezes him solid in a block of ice. Endeavour arrives, as does Nighteye with a panicked Hitoshi. Aizawa arrives soon after, perched on a nearby rooftop, ready to whisk his kids away to safety should they need it.

The nomu swoops down, grabbing Izuku. Stain can’t help – trapped in his block of ice. Aizawa runs after Izuku. The nomu drops Izuku off at Shirgiraki’s feet, who is rather delighted to have the annoying boy from the USJ delivered to him out of the blue. He’s not, however, so happy with the knives he finds flying towards him. Kurogiri redirects them and the portal fades just in time for them to come face to face with the villain ‘Alley Cat”

“Well that was a cheap shot Alley Cat, what crawled up your ass and died?”

Aizawa places himself in front of Izuku, teeth bared. Izuku is clutching the leg of his costume. “Don’t hurt him and you won't lose a hand.” Kurogiri goes to attack, but Shigiraki waves him off, letting Aizawa take back Izuku.

“Sir?”

“Don’t you see? There are villains in the hero course. I smell a side quest, don’t you? We might even get some new party members out of it.

[buckyismyaesthetic]

Punk (Chap. 5)

Summary: You’re head over heels for your best friend Bucky and hate the nickname he gave you as it doesn’t exactly scream romance.

Word count: 2942

Warnings: Same as always

A/N:  FYI on Chap. 4 I had to go back and make a minor change bc of a continuity error.  Bucky’s hair is short (think TJ Hammond style) in this fic and i slipped up an put in a man-bun note (it’s my weakness). Sorry!  Now, back to the story….

Abandoning Wanda in your closet to hunt through the mass of new clothes you’d unceremoniously shoved in there earlier, you raced down the floor towards Nat’s room, ready to call the whole night off after that disaster of a dinner.  You rounded the corner and attempted to stop short but your socks had no grip and you crashed into a wall of muscle.  “Sorry, Sam,” you mumbled.  “You okay?” Sam laughed and steadied you back on your feet.

You heard Bucky snort from behind and winced. Great, he’d just seen you stuff your face full of Chow Mein and apple pie and now he caught you hurdling down the hallway like the giant boulder from Indiana Jones.  “He’s fine,” Bucky clapped him on the back.  “Not even you could crack this thick skull.”  

And with that he pulled Sam’s sweatshirt hood over his eyes and gave him a noogie before guffawing like a doofus and racing past you with Sam hot on his heels.

“Ay yo!  What the hell’s that mean?!” he hollered.  “And don’t touch my hair, man!”  Sam’s voice carried down the hallway as he chased your best friend.  A loud thud and muffled ‘ooof’ confirmed that he’d caught up to him and apparently rugby tackled him in the living room.

What does that mean? You asked yourself, thinking back to what Bucky’d said. ‘Not even you…’  What? Is that, like a fat thing?  Like yeah, you’re clearly big and round and wrecking ball shaped so one might think that you’d be able to smash Sam’s bird brain like melon but…what?  Or like, you’re almost, not quite, rhino sized but if you keep going for a lil’ bit longer you’ll get there?    

You shook your head angrily at yourself.  No, Bucky doesn’t think those things.  You think those things.  The nasty little gremlin in your head who stood over your shoulder when you looked in the mirror and parroted nasty thoughts and held a magnifying glass to every flaw.  But what if all of the terrible things you thought were true.  And what if Bucky could see them?  What if everybody could see them?  What if they all whispered about it behind your back saying, “Poor Y/N, no wonder she’s alone.  Look at her.  She’s so fat and ugly.  Too big to be desired.”  Just the thought of what the others might secretly think of you made your heart clench painfully.

Moving on autopilot as those nasty thoughts swirled around in your head, you found yourself standing gloomily in front of Natasha’s room.  You twisted the handle and swung the door open, ready to declare defeat for a night that hadn’t even started, but you pulled up short at the sight before your eyes.

Clint and Natasha were standing in a passionate embrace next to the redhead’s bed.  Her arms were wrapped around his neck while his hands cradled her face.  They moved slowly, lost in the moment of being together and kissing so intimately.  You leaned against the doorframe watching them for a minute.  That was what you wanted with Bucky.  To be held close like he couldn’t get enough of you.  To pour your heart into a kiss and have it returned tenfold.    You sighed softly at their love.  Seeing them, two people who deserved love more than anything, well, you’d admit to turning into a big old mush.  They were your OTP.  You shipped ‘em—hard.  

Nat pulled away from Clint’s, her lips brushing his as she spoke.  “We know you’re there,” she said, not looking at you.  

Clint smiled against her lips and you couldn’t help the goofy grin spreading across your face at his actions.  “Hey, Y/N.”

“Hi guys.  Sorry,” you smiled sheepishly.  And suddenly you remembered.  “Oh shit! Sorry.  You’re sayin’ bye! I’ll just—I’ll come back.  Fuck, I’m sorry—”

“It’s fine, kiddo,” Clint replied stepping away from Natasha slightly to look at you.  “I don’t leave until 5am anyway.”  He, Thor, and Vision were leaving for New Mexico on a mission. Something about drug cartels or the Roswell incident…you hadn’t been listening at dinner and, admittedly, you knew like two things about New Mexico…was the Grand Canyon there?  Or in Arizona?…Nevada?  Note to self: Google shit later.

The archer moved to the bed to pack more things into his go-bag.  He looked down at his watch, prompting you to go the same.  10:30.  Shit.  “Alright, you two, about this ‘girls nite’,” he adopted his ‘serious’ voice and glanced between you and Nat, which only made you snicker and Nat roll her eyes.  Clint ignored you both and continued.  “You,” he pointed to Nat.  “Do not kill anyone.  Drunk men hitting on you deserve to be maimed, not murdered.”  

“What if they touch me?” Nat teased.  “Is violence permitted then?”

Clint pretended to think about it.  “As an Avenger, I frown upon it.  As your boyfriend?…well, just don’t get caught, babe.”  He gave her a playful wink which made her grin devilishly.  “And you,” he rounded onto you.

“‘Be Natasha’s alibi,” you replied with a little goody-two-shoes sass.  “Have the getaway car ready to go with fake passports in the glove department—”

“No setting anything on fire, no starting bar fights, no ritual Satanic sacrifices of any kind,” he spoke over you, ticking off his fingers,  and you weren’t sure how he managed to keep a straight face because you’re cheeks were puffed trying to keep gales of laughter from pouring out.  

“I make no promises,” you snickered.

“And try not to break any hearts while you’re out there, kid.”  He gave you wink.

“Ugh, okay, that one I can promise.”  You rolled your eyes.

Nat, having moved to the closet to collect an outfit and some makeup, materialized at you side.  She leaned in to whisper in your ear while Clint was distracted rolling a pair of socks into tiny all for his bag.  “I know that look, Y/N.  We’re not cancelling.  You’ll be fine.  It’ll be fun.”

Blast her and her stupid spidey senses!  How could she possibly know that you were planning on backing out and spending the remainder of the evening playing Call of Duty and drinking cocoa?  Nat hooked her arm through yours, leaned in to give Clint another kiss goodbye before warning him to come back to her safe and sound, and then marched you back towards your room where you were subjected to the tortuous task of making yourself look half way decent to be seen in public.

Tears were shed.  Curses were thrown.  Friendships abolished.  Mortal wounds were inflicted.  But, in the end, Wanda and Natasha had managed to get you dressed for the club.  They assured you over and over that you looked stunning in the three quarter sleeve, tea length dress but you honestly didn’t see it.  You felt exposed and vulnerable and kept tugging at the hem to pull it further down, fearing that your cellulite was on display and that with every step people could see your underwear.  And you weren’t used to wearing things that were so….form-fitting. You normally wore boys clothes.  Baggy sweaters with sleeves so long that you could curl your fingers around the edges.  T-shirts with graphics and movie quotes, images from your favourite fandoms.  Your socks never matched and usually had pictures of pizza slices or dinosaurs.  And your feet were usually kept nice in warm in combat boots or chucks.  None of this ‘stilettos’ crap.

Speaking of which.  “I feel like Bambi on ice, Wanda,” you whined as your ankles wobbled with each step in the ‘fuck me pumps’ Nat had smashed onto your toes.

“Stop complaining,” she replied.  “You look amazing.”  She whipped her phoned in front of you, forcing you to take a selfie with her.  You grimaced. Having your photo taken was one of your least favourite things.  You’d much rather take the photo than be in it.  She could put one of those pretty filters on it at least.  Something that got rid of your double chin and deemphasized the asymmetry of your face.  Preferably, a filter that evened out the plethora of skin tones your face was fond of sporting despite MACs best effort to conceal everything.   And even with all that expensive make up on you felt ugly. Like a clown and a liar.  This isn’t me.  This is a mask…Like a villain from Scooby Doo…

“Get outta here with that!”  You pushed the camera away and focused on not tripping on the sidewalk.  

“Are we there yet?”

“Yes,” Nat groaned stopping in front of a door. You had asked her that question about eleven times in the fifteen minute walk from the tower to the club.  And when you had protested and wanted to take a cab she said “you need practice walking in those heels” in her stupid, know-it-all voice.  She was right.  You did need practice.  Also. You needed new feet!  You were surely bleeding.  They’d have to be cut off.  Why the fuck do girls wear these things?!

The heavy bass music from the club assaulted your ears as the bouncers let you pass.  The lights were dimmed out over the dance floor but the bar was light up and crowded as people shark swarmed the bartenders, waving money for drinks.  

“Breathe,” Nat whispered in your ear.  She must’ve seen your eyes go wide as you took in the mass of beautiful people before you.  Women were decked out in short dresses, five inch heels, tits up and out looking like Victoria’s Secret models.  And…where they casting the next Magic Mike movie in here?  All of these guys looked like they’d stepped out of an Abercrombie Catalogue.  Where were the average looking people?  Where were the normal, regular shaped folk who didn’t look photo-shopped to perfection? What kinda club was this?

Why were all of these girls either short and petite or model tall and waifish?  It made you feel like Shrek.  Oh, fuck.  My dress is green.  Greaaaaat.  You crossed your arms over your stomach in attempt to make yourself feel smaller.  I don’t like this, I don’t like this, I don’t like this…

“You okay?”  Wanda handed you a cocktail.  

“Yeah, fine.  Good.  I’m good.” Do.  Not. Hyperventilate.  

She knew you were lying.  She was Wanda after all.  Why you even bothered was a mystery…probably just natural instinct; when in doubt, lie your ass off.  “Come on, you see anyone you like?  You can practice talking to boys here.”

“Yeah, that’s perfect.  Pick a guy an’ practice what you’d want to say if he were Bucky,” Nat pipped in as she sipped her martini.  Just the thought of pretending to flirt with Bucky had your stomach in knots.

“I dunno.  It seems mean.  Flirtin’ with someone and just, I dunno.  Not likin’ ‘em,” you shouted over the beat.  “And I don’t even know what I’m doing anyway.  ”

“Just go over to,” Nat twirled around gathering intel of the men by the bar, “that guy.”  With a jut of her chin she pointed out a cute, stocky guy with short, light brown hair.  

“No, he’s—he’s probably not interested.  I don—I don’t wanna bother him,” you stammered. You could feel sweat gathering on your back and cursed under your breath.  Now that you were here, you didn’t think you could do this.  Sure, it sounded great in your head.  Practice makes perfect.  But what if this guy rejected you…like Bucky would…what if his face twisted with revulsion as you approached him? What is he just stares at you thinking ‘Great, the ugly chick is talking to me’?  No, you can’t handle that!  Rejection like that would kill you, you just knew it.  

You tugged on your neckline, fanning yourself. It was getting too hot in here; your face was flushed and every square inch of skin felt hot and clammy.  There was no way you could flirt with Bucky!  You couldn’t even flirt with Joe Schmo over there! But you had begged Nat to help you, recruited Wanda into the plan, interrupted their evenings. Backing out now wasn’t really an option.

The guy at the bar turned and happened to catch you staring at him during your mental freak out.   Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck!  Stop looking! You, rather uncooly, averted your eyes and turned to re-join Nat and Wanda’s conversation only to see them slinking away from you.  Natasha mouthed ‘go!’ and pointed towards the bar while Wanda gave you an apologetic shrug and allowed herself to be lead off into the throng of dancing bodies.  Spinning quickly back to face the bar, hoping your face wasn’t frozen in mortification, you found your target.  The guy was still there with his friends.

So, you had two options: 1) stand in the middle of club, alone, looking like an idiot, or 2) go talk to that guy and make a fool of yourself.  Both sounded equally horrifying but right now you felt like every single eye in the club was on you, and not in a good way.  This is how the gladiators must’ve felt before they were eaten by lions, you mused.  Seeking the shelter of the bar, you meandered through a mob of people and forced yourself to go over to the him.

He was slightly shorter than you with your heels on, a small problem to some people, but to you, well, it made you feel like the Jolly Green Giant.  Guys liked girls who were tiny.  Little.  Small enough to pick up and carry around.  They want to be the big, brave protectors.  Your physique didn’t exactly allow for that, at least not with this dude.  But if Natasha saw you walk over here and not even attempt to flirt with him, she’d flay you alive; you liked your skin where it was thankyouverymuch.

You swirled the drink in your hand, trying to hype yourself up to make your move.  Aha!  Liquid courage!  Downing the glass in two quick gulps, you slammed it back down on the bar.  This caught the guy’s attention and you froze like a deer in headlights.  Line?  Line? What’s my line?

“Hey,” he said.

Oh thank god. “Hi.”

  Flirting should be a college course.  People should have to pass tests or get board certified before being permitted to attempt making advances on civilians. Why the hell don’t they teach these things in school?  What were you supposed to do with your hands?  Do you touch his arm?  What if he doesn’t like that?  Your dress doesn’t have pockets to jam them in—clearly a design flaw—and you’d already dropped two straws on the floor as you fiddled with them nervously.  

After the standard introductory greeting where you learned that his name was Ethan, you both lapsed into a silence which you assumed was becoming unbearably uncomfortable and, being the awkward turtle that you were, felt the need to fill it.

“So, uh,” you bumbled.  “D’you—” Don’t ask “d’you come here often?”! “—d’you…have…a…job?” Ohmygod kill me.

Ethan laughed and proceeded to tell you about accounting.  It went right over your head, like anything math related did.  But you smiled and nodded in what you hoped were all the right places.  And that was how it went.  An odd, uncomfortable conversation where you felt like you were conducting an interview and somehow intruding on his life.  He was perfectly polite, but you couldn’t tell if he was even interested let alone flirting, hell, you couldn’t even tell if you were flirting, or if he was just being a nice guy and putting up with the unsightly, annoying chick crashing his night out .  Luckily, your rescue came in the form of a cute little witch asking you to go dance.

“Nice to meet you,” you waved to Ethan as you followed Wanda into the chaos of the dance floor.  “Thanks, Wan.  I was dying out there.  This isn’t really my thing.”  Wanda rolled her eyes in amusement and tried to get you to gyrate your hips to the beat, but you merely stepped back.  “This isn’t my thing either.”  You were a dorky dancer; you danced to the Spice Girls, Mambo No.5, N’SYNC.  You head banged to Motely Crew, rapped to 50 Cent and Eminem.  You were not Beyoncé or Shakira.  You did not have sexy hip swivels; you did not drop it like it was hot. If you dropped it, it stayed down and shattered like Humpty Dumpty.

“How’d it go?”  Natasha walked up behind you and you quickly informed her of your less than stellar performance.  “Aw, it’s okay.  You just need to keep tryin’!  You didn’t burst into flames, Y/N.  He didn’t shove you away or look at you like you were something stuck to the bottom of his shoe,” she parroted back your earlier concerns.  “You can do this!  C’mon. Let’s find someone else.  You pick.”

Natasha gripped your shoulders and spun you about, forcing you to dance, and making you laugh in turn.  “Okay, okay!” you gave in.  She was sort of right after all.  That guy didn’t run screaming from the club when you went to talk to him. Maybe you could do this.

The darkness of the dancefloor didn’t really let you see anyone clearly so you angled yourself so that the people by the bar were in view.  “Okay, I pick—” Just then the crowd parted like the red sea and there he was, looking effortlessly gorgeous, like he’d been carved from marble and blessed by Aphrodite herself, leaning against a stool occupied by a very beautiful woman—“Bucky.”

TAG LIST:  strike-through means the tag doesn’t seem to work.  If your tag doesn’t work for some reason, send me a message and I’ll take a look.

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[sinkingcanoe]

Hunk Headcanons (+gen Garrison Trio)

(1.) He’s an only child That’s part of why Hunk’s so quick to adopt Keith and Lance as his brothers, honestly, he always wanted a sibling and other kids could be jerks sometimes. Being the chubby kid is bad enough without also being The Smart One. So he just wants people to hug and share his food with and have that brotherly stuff he’s seen on tv. It’s also why he’s so terrible about privacy, he didn’t grow up with siblings fighting for their own space and stuff, so he’s just like… what do you mean I shouldn’t read your diary Pidge… it was right there… Pidge why can’t I play with your computer it’s so cool… I bet I could make it even better if you just let me take a look… why is this a big deal?? please let me play with the cool robot too??

(2.) He hates soda. Like, listen, if you have to have caffeine to exist (Pidge and Shiro tbh), at least drink coffee? Or tea? Hunk is a big herbal tea dude, but black tea is great for when he’s tired. It depends on his mood and what he’s eating. His favorite flavor is pomegranate rose. It just has this lovely aroma when the steam rises, like potpourri.

(3.) He was on master chef junior as a small child. Hunk took second place, which kills him to this day, but he got no less than three Gordon Ramsey hugs. Lance doesn’t believe him, even with photographic evidence. Keith totally watched that season in one of the better foster homes, so he gives Hunk weird looks for a bit at the beginning before he recognizes him. Then, as usual, Keith’s mind is blown. Lance refuses to accept Keith’s word as additional evidence. Hunk is smug tho.

(4.) Hunk wants to help Pidge with more stuff, she’s just a jealous brat (ha, green eyed monster) who never learned to share. Mostly out of spite bc Matt was terrible about taking things and then breaking them. Pidge has trust issues with letting ppl touch her stuff thanks to him. They’re working on it. In the end she gives in bc Hunk fixes everything he breaks. Pidge breaks more stuff than he does, so he’s kinda like… ha. Told you so.

(5.) Hunk is still kinda uneasy over Pidge’s whole “I don’t have time for you” thing from when they first met? And he gets it now, she’s trying to find her family, which is SUPER important. I mean he was on her side about leaving at first, his family is small but they’re all he has and he wants to go back to them. But just bc he understands doesn’t make him comfortable? In some ways it’s worse, bc now he feels bad about it, like every time he wants to hang out with Pidge he’s just wasting her time or getting in the way. Then one day he’s got this software problem, and honestly, Hunk is fine with the basics but he IS NOT a software guy. Just let him at the moving parts and they’re fine. Intricate code where forgetting one freaking parenthesis will fuck the whole thing up? No. Anyway so he finally gives up and goes to Pidge. Says he knows she’s really busy but he’s stuck, and if she has a minute to take a look he’d really appreciate it? And Pidge is just like, for you? Always. And Hunk doesn’t say anything but his heart… just… grows three sizes, he’s just really touched tbh. He bothers her more often after that, and she gets impatient easily but she never turns him away.

(6.) Pidge, unlike Keith and Lance, isn’t really on his sibling-wavelength. Hunk kinda sees her as his partner in crime. His fellow evil genius. He insists that since they pilot a giant robot together through the power of their minds they’re drift compatible. She’s basically his platonic life partner.

(7.) Lance gets kinda jealous of Pidge unintentionally stealing his best friend, until Hunk reminds him they’re brothers. Then Lance holds that over Pidge’s head (sometimes literally) like, ha, you’re not sibling material. Her response basically sums up to, listen my one sibling experience was objectively terrible, I don’t need another one. But he’s MY terrible, so I have to go get him back.

(8.) Despite having been ON a cooking show, Hunk can’t watch cooking shows anymore. He gets sympathetic nerves. He questions every decision they make. He once LITERALLY TORE HIS HAIR OUT over their bad decisions, like, WHY would you DO THAT, ugh. It’s like hardcore sports fans watching the game on tv. There’s screaming and judging and groaning and cheering. It is An Experience to witness.

(9.) He loves Kaltenecker, really. Hunk is a kind and gentle soul who is good to animals. But he’s SO TIRED of space goo that sometimes he just stares at the cow… thinking of all the food he could make from the cow… Burgers, obv. But French dip sandwiches. Meatloaf. Tri-tip. Beef stroganoff. Ribs, he would die for honey-bbq ribs. And he knows he’d need not just a dead cow but also a bunch of other earth ingredients for this stuff, but a man can DREAM, OKAY??

(10.) His favorite NASA robot is the Opportunity. Hunk is embarrassingly parentally proud of this determined little robot. First teenager in space. He calls her Oppy, and tbh he did not want to be a flight crew engineer. His scores were too good so they pressured him onto that track, Hunk really wanted to help design the ships and the rovers. Just let him play with electronics all day, stop making him ride the terrible zero-g sims.

(11.) Hunk can fly the Green lion in an emergency, and he feels really honored about it. Like, he loves Yellow, Yellow is the best, he would not trade his lion for Green. But he likes knowing he can pilot two lions, and Green is so salty and blunt that being in her head is almost like hanging out with Pidge. But it only ever happens when Pidge is unable to pilot her own lion, usually on stealth missions gone wrong, so it comes with some bad associations. Hunk’s never had time to just sit and enjoy it; always gogogo, run, gotta get Pidge to a healing pod, gotta help the others. Pidge can’t pilot Yellow, but very very rarely Lance can. Pidge can pilot Red sometimes, though. She has a lot of rage and rebelliousness packed into a very tiny body. It’s heavily concentrated. Hunk knows this, and wishes that she and Lance had at least one iota of chill between them. They do not.

Anyway add your own if you want!

[junker-town]

Does Jeff Tedford have some magic left for Fresno State football?

First things first: get back to scoring points.

This preview originally published April 3 and has since been updated.

We get used to certain programs doing certain things. It almost starts to feel like a birthright. Certain teams are good at offense and bad at defense, or vice versa. Certain teams play in shootouts, others in slogs.

For the Fresno State Bulldogs, the birthright was 370 points. Since the breakthrough of 2001 — in which Pat Hill’s Bulldogs knocked off title contender Colorado, beat ranked Oregon State and Wisconsin teams, rose as high as eighth in the polls, and finished with 11 wins and 560 points — the Bulldogs scored at least 370 in 12 of 14 seasons. Sometimes they barely did it. But they did it. And they sometimes allowed quite a few more than 370 as well.

Make that 370 points and a bowl bid. That’s not a bad way to go through life, and the prolific Bulldogs usually locked up both parts. From 1999 to 2014, they missed the postseason just twice. They were among the steadiest mid-major programs, even if Boise State’s emergence stole some of their thunder.

In the early stages, Tim DeRuyter looked like Pat Hill II. Fresno State had fallen to 4-9 in 2011, but the former Air Force and Texas A&M defensive coordinator walked in and restored order. He made a good Fresno offense better, and he established his own defensive structure. Fresno State went 9-4 and ranked 31st in S&P+ in 2012, then rose to 11-2 while maintaining a decent No. 46 ranking (17th on offense) in 2013.

This was what Fresno State was supposed to be, and it looked like the DeRuyter hire was going to work out swimmingly. And following 2013, everything fell apart.

From 11 wins in 2013, FS won 10 in the three proceeding years. The defense ranked in the 80s in Def. S&P+ for three of four years — steady, at least — but the offense fell apart. The Bulldogs went from 17th in Off. S&P+ in 2013 to 92nd, then 110th, then a ghastly 123rd.

Fresno State, awful at moving the football! It’s bad enough to be bad; it’s even worse to lose your identity. The Bulldogs had ranked between 17th and 64th in Off. S&P+ every year from 2005-13. And in 2016, it was like it was third-and-9 the moment they walked onto the field.

When you fall from 11 wins to 11 losses in three seasons, your fate is sealed. DeRuyter was fired after a 1-7 start, and interim Eric Kiesau finished the season. DeRuyter landed the coordinator job at California, and back in that role, he could thrive.

Meanwhile, with Fresno State’s former head coach going to Cal, the Bulldogs took a former Cal head coach. I was not exactly blown away.

He’s got solid California connections, and in theory he’s still got decent years to offer. But were the good recruiting ties and memories of great Tedford offenses really enough for Fresno State to so quickly pounce? Without seeing who else the market might have to offer, the Bulldogs nailed Tedford down in early November. It was a safe, uninspiring, and quick hire. That’s odd.

Our immediate impressions of a hire center around upside. The moments before and after a hire are the best times for dreaming big and aiming high. And from an upside perspective, I didn’t love the hire. After tying for the Pac-10 title in 2006, his last six years in Berkeley produced just one top-25 finish and just one finish higher than fifth in the conference.

Tedford was drifting in the years since his Cal dismissal. He sat out a year before becoming the Tampa Bay Buccaneers’ offensive coordinator, but heart problems prevented him from holding that role long. He spent a year as the BC Lions’ head coach in the CFL, going 7-11, then left to pursue another college job. No real one took shape, and he spent 2016 as a consultant for Chris Petersen at Washington.

My frustration with the Tedford hire stemmed from the fact that Fresno State went after him so quickly. As aimless as his last five years may have been, it’s easy to see the draw. He’s somehow only 55, and he’s got more than a decade’s worth of head coaching experience in an area close to Fresno. And in 11 years at Cal, he suffered only two losing seasons. Granted, they both came in his last three years.

He’s got some work to do. DeRuyter’s failure involved horrific player development. Per the 247Sports Composite, from 2013-16, Fresno State’s recruiting classes all ranked between third and sixth in the Mountain West; the Bulldogs’ average recruit was right on the borderline between two and three stars. But walk-ons and no-star recruits were scattered throughout the two-deep last year and probably will be again in 2017. Not many of those three-star signees matriculated into the starting lineup.

2016 in review

2016 Fresno State statistical profile.

After going just 3-9 with a No. 102 S&P+ ranking in 2015, DeRuyter tried to hit reset in 2016. He brought in two new coordinators and handed his offense over to a redshirt freshman. But while the defense would come around, the offense never stood a chance. The Bulldogs scored more than 22 points just twice all year, and even with a defensive rally, there was no hope.

First 5 games vs. FBS (0-5): Avg. percentile performance: 23% | Avg. yards per play: Opp 6.5, FS 4.9 (minus-1.6)

Last 6 games (0-6): Avg. percentile performance: 21% | Avg. yards per play: Opp 5.4, FS 4.3 (minus-1.1)

The defense came around, and the offense got worse.

We’ll just go ahead and move on. You can’t glean much from such a terrible season, though it does bear mentioning that Fresno State returns most of its front seven from the defense that came around.

Offense

Full advanced stats glossary.

Tedford is taking the “fresh start” thing seriously. In returning to college coaching, he didn’t lean on an old friend to run his offense; he went out and made a creative hire.

Kalen DeBoer went 67-3 in five seasons as head coach at NAIA’s University of Sioux Falls before serving as coordinator at Southern Illinois for four years and Eastern Michigan for three, and after inheriting one of the most hapless offenses in FBS, he led EMU’s attack to a No. 58 ranking in Off. S&P+ last year.

DeBoer’s 2016 EMU offense was based around tempo (23rd in adjusted pace), pass-first principles, and an allergy to moving backwards. Fresno’s 2016 offense was slower and more based on balance and moved backwards more than almost any in the country.

Basically, Fresno State had an all-or-nothing offense that never produced “alls.”

Quarterback Chason Virgil proved exciting with his legs, averaging 5.3 yards per non-sack carry; that catered well to a run-first attack, but Bulldog running backs were almost impossibly unproductive, combining to average 3.6 yards per carry with an opportunity rate (percentage of carries gaining five or more yards) of just 29 percent.

Despite Virgil, Fresno State ranked 128th in Rushing S&P+. That meant a redshirt freshman was forced to throw the ball on second- or third-and-long a lot. How do you figure that worked out?

Photo by Ethan Miller/Getty Images

Chason Virgil

Nearly one-quarter of Virgil’s passes last year came on third-and-7 or more. That’s a recipe for failure, and it didn’t get any better when Virgil got hurt late. In his absence, Fresno averaged just 9 points per game.

Virgil will have a shot at the job, but he’ll have to fend off three-star JUCO transfer Jorge Reyna and three-star redshirt freshman James Quentin Davis [update: Davis has transferred out.]

Based on what the Bulldogs return, though, I would assume DeBoer maintains his pass-first principles. Junior Jamire Jordan is by far the team’s best big-play threat; he caught 19 passes for 345 yards in September before the offense bottomed out, and he had 15 catches for 231 yards in Virgil’s last three games before injury. He is a home run hitter, which makes possession guys like junior KeeSean Jackson and Da’Mari Scott more dangerous. Scott missed 2016 but averaged 9.8 yards per target with a 49 percent success rate in 2015.

In theory, experience could help the run game — every running back returns, as do basically 4.5 starters on the line — but the best boon the ground attack could get is a competent passing game. EMU didn’t get much out of its ground game but still improved dramatically last year. In theory, maybe the Fresno State offense does the same.

Cary Edmondson-USA TODAY Sports

Jamire Jordan

Defense

Seriously, Tedford gets bonus points for creativity. I gave Nevada’s Jay Norvell credit for hiring some assistants I enjoy, and I find myself giving Tedford credit for the opposite. He had never worked with DeBoer before hiring him, and it appears his only experience with defensive coordinator Orlondo Steinauer came when Tedford’s BC Lions played the Hamilton Tiger-Cats in 2015. Steinauer was the Tiger-Cats’ coordinator over the last four seasons.

Steinauer’s Hamilton defenses were high-havoc, ranking second in the CFL in interceptions and third in takeaways in 2016 and finishing two sacks off of the league lead. In 2015, they led the league in takeaways, and in 2014, they were first in rushing average and second in total defense.

He inherits one of the lowest-havoc defenses in FBS. Even though the Bulldogs improved over the second half of the year, they were less than disruptive, ranking 126th in havoc rate. This was a bend-don’t-break unit, allowing 42 gains of 20-plus yards all season (fifth in the country), but opponents were allowed five yards any time they wanted.

This makes Steinauer’s CFL experience interesting. The three-down CFL basically starts every drive on a second-and-10, but every set of downs for the Fresno State defense basically started on second-and-5, once the opposing offense got its easy first down yardage. Steinauer knows what to do when an opponent is leveraged behind schedule, and Fresno State’s secondary was efficient when opponents had to pass. But opponents have to get there first.

It appears Fresno’s front seven will be experienced and physically impressive. The Bulldogs return six of their top seven tacklers and four of their top five linebackers. There could be a problem with tackle depth as they move from a 3-4 to more of a 4-3 (or, as Steinauer described it in perfect coachspeak, a “multiple” defense), but the tackles will be in the 300-pound range and the ends around 260. And in James Bailey and Nela Otukolo, the Bulldogs have a couple of potentially exciting junior linebackers.

Cary Edmondson-USA TODAY Sports

James Bailey

Stopping the run is mission No. 1 in the MWC West, and physically, the Bulldogs might be better at it. But they now might have to deal with far less experience in the secondary. Free safety Stratton Brown and starting corners Tyquwan Glass and Jamal Ellis are gone after combining for seven tackles for loss, five picks, and 18 breakups. Steady junior safety DeShawn Potts remains, but sophomores like safety Mike Bell and corners Juju Hughes and Jaron Bryant could be counted on heavily, as could a trio of JUCO transfers.

More than any other unit, turnover in the secondary typically leads to regression. Can a new scheme and energy offset that? Will Steinauer have the pieces he needs to do damage on passing downs? Will Fresno State even force passing downs?

Cary Edmondson-USA TODAY Sports

Deshawn Potts

Special Teams

DeRuyter’s pest parting gift to Tedford might be the special teams unit, which ranked 41st in Special Teams S&P+ despite a freshman punter and freshman kickoffs guy. Kody Kroening made 15 of 17 field goals last year (seven of which were 40 yards or longer), Jamire Jordan has potential as a kick returner, and Fresno’s kick coverage unit was impeccable. And with everyone back, I’d be surprised if the Bulldogs didn’t crack the top 40 here in 2017.

So they’ve got that going for them.

2017 outlook

2017 Schedule & Projection Factors

Date Opponent Proj. S&P+ Rk Proj. Margin Win Probability 2-Sep Incarnate Word NR 29.3 95% 9-Sep at Alabama 1 -49.2 0% 16-Sep at Washington 13 -33.2 3% 30-Sep Nevada 117 2.8 56% 7-Oct at San Jose State 105 -4.3 40% 14-Oct New Mexico 110 1.7 54% 21-Oct at San Diego State 52 -19.1 13% 28-Oct UNLV 118 3.0 57% 4-Nov BYU 46 -14.9 19% 11-Nov at Hawaii 109 -3.7 42% 18-Nov at Wyoming 80 -11.2 26% 25-Nov Boise State 29 -18.9 14%

Projected S&P+ Rk 115 Proj. Off. / Def. Rk 114 / 100 Projected wins 4.2 Five-Year S&P+ Rk -13.2 (116) 2- and 5-Year Recruiting Rk 85 / 82 2016 TO Margin / Adj. TO Margin* -9 / -3.9 2016 TO Luck/Game -2.1 Returning Production (Off. / Def.) 58% (77%, 40%) 2016 Second-order wins (difference) 2.3 (-1.3)

In his first go-round, Tedford inherited a one-win Cal program and turned things around. The Bears went 7-5 in his first year, and by his third they were winning 10 games and narrowly missing out on a BCS bowl.

I do like Tedford’s potential to raise Fresno’s floor, and I would be surprised if the Bulldogs don’t exceed their 4.2 projected wins. But with this schedule, another turnaround to seven wins would be a miraculous job. Fresno State must travel to Alabama and Washington in non-conference play and face both of last year’s MWC division champions (San Diego State, Wyoming) on the road. Four home games against teams projected 110th or worse in S&P+ should assure that the win total rises, but the Bulldogs will need to win every semi-winnable game to bowl.

That��s putting the cart ahead of the horse. Fresno State was really bad in 2016, and the Bulldogs were bad in the most anti-FS possible way. When you fall as far as this program did, you don’t make specific plans. Score in the mid-20s or low-30s a few times, and 2017 is a success.

Tedford’s job over the next couple of seasons is not only continuing Fresno State’s top-half-of-the-conference recruiting averages, but developing three-star guys into three-star players. He made some interesting hires that could pay off, but getting talented athletes to play like talented athletes is step one.

Team preview stats

All preview data to date.

[hey-hamlet]

BNHA AU Ideas : Happy Famlies

Also on AO3!

TL;DR: This AU is exactly what is sounds like. Everyone gets a happy family. 

Feat. Dadmight, and his sons Izuku and Tenko, Big Bro Dabi with his little bro, Shinson and his Dadzawa.

allmight n inko end up dating and tenko n izu are brothers

dabi and tenko are third year ua herocourse students when izu and the others join

tenko is a soft sunshine boy cause izu rubbed off on him a lot

dabi wants to be an underground hero so he'll never be like his father

todoroki takes the entrance exam so inasa and hitoshi are recommendation students

izuku kills the exam because he starts ua being able to use full cowl 5%, breaking allmights record with a whopping 130 points

because consider dabi, shouto, izu, tenko and hitoshi all singing karaoke together, dabi has a tambourine and tenko is violently shaking maracas

izuku and inko dont know toshi is allmight, but tenko and toshi are terrible liars

the first time toshi meets izuku its just tenko presenting him saying "you gotta give it to him dad"

izu is only 5 n still broken up about having no quirk, toshi says he might just be a late bloomer while tenko nods

toshi sneaks izuku his quirk when he turns 7, izuku wakes up n accidentally punches a hole in the ceiling, he n katsuki make up cause izuku has a bomb ass quirk even if it does break his bones

he and inko just think he was a late bloomer cause his quirk was so strong. tenko and toshi highfive

seven year old izuku walking back into his house like mom i broke both my arms again :(((

katsuki actually helps him work out the flick thing

"it breaks my arms!" "then use less you dumb fuck!" "oh yeah actually thank you"

they’re so used to shouting criticisms while sparring that they still do it after they enter ua

when they spar at the sports festival mic can’t get a word of commentary in bc it’s just a constant slew of

“kACCHAN I TOLD U TO STOP LEADING WITH UR RIGHT”

“SHIITY DEKU IF U LAND LIKE THAT UR GONNA BREAK UR LEGS”

dabi n tenko the third years can hear them in their own stadium. tenko is cheering softly, dabi has a heart attack when he sees the walls of ice

izu has a massive handshapped scar on his wrist from when tenko saved him by pulling him out of the way of a car

he doesnt mind it but it makes tenko sad so he wears a lil cuff over it

tenko snuck in to watch the entrance exam he n toshinori are cheering quietly, the other teachers just sigh

izuku broke allmights record for points scored in the entrance exam but hes still scared he failed

tenko wants to s c r e a m

USJ ANGST TIME

starts as normal students enter, villains arrive kurogiri has an ear piece and is talking with afo directly, some of the 8 prefects goons are there too

hitoshi used his quirk on kurogiri to find out who they are, but is targeted after that and the villains know not to respond

the students are scattered, its izu/tsuyu and hitoshi. they do the whirlpool thing w/o the sitcking, hitoshi instructs them to tread water and not to move

hitoshi is nearing quirk overuse, tsuyu is shaken, izu is pretty much ok

aizawa is fighting the villains as normal, the nomu arrives

hitoshi tries to mind control the nomu, kurogiri attempts to direct one of the nomus punches to hitoshi, aizawa cancels the portal, severing one of the nomus arms. its grows back, aizawa is beaten

izuku charges forward, fighting the nomu with a higher percentage of full cowl than he can safely use but they are evenly matched

todoroki shows up, cant help because the two are moving so fast he cant aim his quirk and not hit mido

he and hitoshi keep kurogiri busy

before allmight arrives, dabi and tenko do, after seeing tenya running towards the school

izuku can barely move, over using his quirk to the point that he has countless micro fractures and the nomu has landed a few punches, and he took others to protect aizawa

tenko yells at dabi to grab izuku, kurogiri mentions that his master killed tenkos family and hes pissed

he cant stand up to the nomu but shouto makes an opening and he and dabi try to damage it as best they can, shouto has to hold izuku down to stop him from joining the fight again

allmight arrives, quickly dispatches the nomu, turns on Kurogiri

so tenko, allmight and a shaky izu are all facing down kurogiri while afo is trying to convince him to keep fighting

reinforcements arrive and kuro nopes out

as soon as the portal closes, izuku collapses and tenko n allmight rush over, shouto is grabbing onto dabi and hitoshi is trying to get aizawa to respond

hitoshi, crying, has to ask dabi to pick up his dad because his arms are shaking to bad hes scared he might drop him

tenko has no gloves anymore and he cant touch izuku and hes just lost, shouto wraps an arm around him and hitoshi n they cry as dabi takes aizawa and allmight takes izuku to recovery girl

aizawa n izu in the same hospital, hitoshi tells him what izuku did n aizawa fucking, breaks out of bed like a jackass to call him a problem child then fucking limps back

less depressingly, happy families dabi and tenko do "get help" from Thor Ragnarok

"gET heLP hEs BUrnINg UP"

aizawa : "kids that movie is like 240 years old"

izuku : "so... you know it then?"

aizawa: "fuck"

nighteye and gran torino are izuku and tenko's terrible uncles

he stars school at 5%, internships is 10%, camp gets him up to 15% so hes around 25% at the eri rescue

ochako being a terrible influence on kirishima

“uraraka i like katsuki. what do”

“push it down”

“what”

“pUSH UR FEELINGS Down”

also happy families shouto actually interns w nighteye n izu because dabi said he was an ass so no death thanks

one person asks izuku what his quirk is

he pauses

"aaaaaaaaaa"

"hm"

"my mum has minor levitation and my dad is quirkless"

izuku pauses again.

"wait"

"wait im not toshis biologically"

"waiT Who WAs My FirST Dad?"

shouto thinks inko has an affair w allmight then married his secretary but izuku met toshinori through tenko so he just lays down on the floor and screams

shouto’s brain is going to explode one day

consider tenko and izuku looking soft and pure but you turn around and suddenly you dont have a wallet and your food is gone

happy family izuku and kastuki were eachothers first kiss but in a dumb ass way

izuku was like "i need to ruin my frist kiss so the next one will be better"

"wow me too, you seem like the worlds worst option!"

"cool!"

they both almost gagged afterwards

tenko walked in on them violently scrubbing their lips

“wow katsuki who was ur first kiss”

bakugou stares off fondly into the distance

“deku :))”

"it was fucking terrible" wistful sigh

izuku, blushing happily: “id never do it again”

izuku: "yeah i scrubbed my face until it bleed so none of my skin would be tainted"

first week of 1a, someone asking izuku if he and katsuki are/were dating so izuku asks ochako to launch him into the sun

no matter how many people they date everyone always insists that katsuki and izuku are dating each other

izuku is actually dating shouto but no one believes him for some reason

dabi and hitoshi find it so funny

please consider dabi being the frontrunner of these rumours, like these random first years will come up to izuku while he’s eating lunch with shouto and they’ll be in t e a r s

“wHY ARE YOU CHEATING ON BAKUGOU SENPAI?”

izuku starts crying

shouto, totally deadpan: "i thought our love was real, izu-chan"

izuku wheezes

they have a katsudeku fan club and shouto’s the mascot

dabi is in it. hes a full hero at this point but nezu gave him a pass so he could attend

they have weekly meetings

it’s dabi, shouto, kirishima and like twenty first year girls from every class

shouto, in a deadpan voice: “good morning girls today i saw katsuki and izuku sharing bread. discuss”

kirishima is one of the most popular fanartists

tenko loves the meme but looking at his brother and bakugo “dating” makes him deeply upset so he breaks in to decay all the art on the walls once a week

he crowds shouto in tears one day

“how are you okay with your boyfriend and your classmate being the subjects of such horrid art”

shouto, deadpan: “it’s just a prank bro”

izuku falls asleep in the common room and toshi carries him back to his room and has to call tenko to unlock the door for him. tenko was in his own dorm on the other side of school.

he sprinted

iida the good boy finishes his essays the week before and hands them in a day early

izuku, the hot mess, procrastinates by training until he cant feel his arms and doing any other subject work than the stuff due, stays up till 4am to finish his essay and doesnt go back to sleep cause its time for his morning run

they get the same grades

no one knows izuku is a hot mess

Dabi is like izuku but he doesnt study hes just depressed

Tenko finishes his the day before but he gets izuku to read it over

shouto does his essays in class

aizawa wants to be mad but he remembers him mic n tensei distracting the teachers for as long as they can to violently finish their essays

“katsuki why didn’t you finish your essay”

“i was making oreos from scratch sensei”

"fair, give me some and you can hand in it wednesday"

he bribes every single teacher into giving him extensions and no one can refuse him bc his extra spicy curry is to die for. he maybe sometimes he helps deku get an extension too but if he does that’s no one else’s business but his

izuku acts so soft w the others "oh isnt kacchans food so good? "

but he climbs into through katsukis window

"bitch whats the recipe"

izuku banging on katsuki s window at five in the morning: “kacchan give me ur fucking curry recipe you promised it to me three years ago”

bakugos hands shake as he tries to call aizawa

“i see u calling sensei kacchan, put the phone down and no one gets hurt”

he has one of katsukis limited editing all might figurines in his hand

“give me the recipe and all might lives katsuki. it doesn’t have to end this way”

shouji, stressed and sleep deprived walks into bakugou’s room just to see izuku menacingly trying to force his way in while bakugou is crying

[junker-town]

Does Jeff Tedford have some magic left for Fresno State football?

First things first: get back to scoring points.

We get used to certain programs doing certain things. It almost starts to feel like a birthright. Certain teams are good at offense and bad at defense, or vice versa. Certain teams play in shootouts, others in slogs.

For the Fresno State Bulldogs, the birthright was 370 points. Since the breakthrough of 2001 — in which Pat Hill’s Bulldogs knocked off title contender Colorado, beat ranked Oregon State and Wisconsin teams, rose as high as eighth in the polls, and finished with 11 wins and 560 points — the Bulldogs scored at least 370 in 12 of 14 seasons. Sometimes they barely did it. But they did it. And they sometimes allowed quite a few more than 370 as well.

Make that 370 points and a bowl bid. That’s not a bad way to go through life, and the prolific Bulldogs usually locked up both parts. From 1999 to 2014, they missed the postseason just twice. They were among the steadiest mid-major programs, even if Boise State’s emergence stole some of their thunder.

In the early stages, Tim DeRuyter looked like Pat Hill II. Fresno State had fallen to 4-9 in 2011, but the former Air Force and Texas A&M defensive coordinator walked in and restored order. He made a good Fresno offense better, and he established his own defensive structure. Fresno State went 9-4 and ranked 31st in S&P+ in 2012, then rose to 11-2 while maintaining a decent No. 46 ranking (17th on offense) in 2013.

This was what Fresno State was supposed to be, and it looked like the DeRuyter hire was going to work out swimmingly. And following 2013, everything fell apart.

From 11 wins in 2013, FS won 10 in the three proceeding years. The defense ranked in the 80s in Def. S&P+ for three of four years — steady, at least — but the offense fell apart. The Bulldogs went from 17th in Off. S&P+ in 2013 to 92nd, then 110th, then a ghastly 123rd.

Fresno State, awful at moving the football! It’s bad enough to be bad; it’s even worse to lose your identity. The Bulldogs had ranked between 17th and 64th in Off. S&P+ every year from 2005-13. And in 2016, it was like it was third-and-9 the moment they walked onto the field.

When you fall from 11 wins to 11 losses in three seasons, your fate is sealed. DeRuyter was fired after a 1-7 start, and interim Eric Kiesau finished the season. DeRuyter landed the coordinator job at California, and back in that role, he could thrive.

Meanwhile, with Fresno State’s former head coach going to Cal, the Bulldogs took a former Cal head coach. I was not exactly blown away.

He’s got solid California connections, and in theory he’s still got decent years to offer. But were the good recruiting ties and memories of great Tedford offenses really enough for Fresno State to so quickly pounce? Without seeing who else the market might have to offer, the Bulldogs nailed Tedford down in early November. It was a safe, uninspiring, and quick hire. That’s odd.

Our immediate impressions of a hire center around upside. The moments before and after a hire are the best times for dreaming big and aiming high. And from an upside perspective, I didn’t love the hire. After tying for the Pac-10 title in 2006, his last six years in Berkeley produced just one top-25 finish and just one finish higher than fifth in the conference.

Tedford was drifting in the years since his Cal dismissal. He sat out a year before becoming the Tampa Bay Buccaneers’ offensive coordinator, but heart problems prevented him from holding that role long. He spent a year as the BC Lions’ head coach in the CFL, going 7-11, then left to pursue another college job. No real one took shape, and he spent 2016 as a consultant for Chris Petersen at Washington.

My frustration with the Tedford hire stemmed from the fact that Fresno State went after him so quickly. As aimless as his last five years may have been, it’s easy to see the draw. He’s somehow only 55, and he’s got more than a decade’s worth of head coaching experience in an area close to Fresno. And in 11 years at Cal, he suffered only two losing seasons. Granted, they both came in his last three years.

He’s got some work to do. DeRuyter’s failure involved horrific player development. Per the 247Sports Composite, from 2013-16, Fresno State’s recruiting classes all ranked between third and sixth in the Mountain West; the Bulldogs’ average recruit was right on the borderline between two and three stars. But walk-ons and no-star recruits were scattered throughout the two-deep last year and probably will be again in 2017. Not many of those three-star signees matriculated into the starting lineup.

2016 in review

2016 Fresno State statistical profile.

After going just 3-9 with a No. 102 S&P+ ranking in 2015, DeRuyter tried to hit reset in 2016. He brought in two new coordinators and handed his offense over to a redshirt freshman. But while the defense would come around, the offense never stood a chance. The Bulldogs scored more than 22 points just twice all year, and even with a defensive rally, there was no hope.

First 5 games vs. FBS (0-5): Avg. percentile performance: 23% | Avg. yards per play: Opp 6.5, FS 4.9 (minus-1.6)

Last 6 games (0-6): Avg. percentile performance: 21% | Avg. yards per play: Opp 5.4, FS 4.3 (minus-1.1)

The defense came around, and the offense got worse.

We’ll just go ahead and move on. You can’t glean much from such a terrible season, though it does bear mentioning that Fresno State returns most of its front seven from the defense that came around.

Offense

Full advanced stats glossary.

Tedford is taking the “fresh start” thing seriously. In returning to college coaching, he didn’t lean on an old friend to run his offense; he went out and made a creative hire.

Kalen DeBoer went 67-3 in five seasons as head coach at NAIA’s University of Sioux Falls before serving as coordinator at Southern Illinois for four years and Eastern Michigan for three, and after inheriting one of the most hapless offenses in FBS, he led EMU’s attack to a No. 58 ranking in Off. S&P+ last year.

DeBoer’s 2016 EMU offense was based around tempo (23rd in adjusted pace), pass-first principles, and an allergy to moving backwards. Fresno’s 2016 offense was slower and more based on balance and moved backwards more than almost any in the country.

Basically, Fresno State had an all-or-nothing offense that never produced “alls.”

Quarterback Chason Virgil proved exciting with his legs, averaging 5.3 yards per non-sack carry; that catered well to a run-first attack, but Bulldog running backs were almost impossibly unproductive, combining to average 3.6 yards per carry with an opportunity rate (percentage of carries gaining five or more yards) of just 29 percent.

Despite Virgil, Fresno State ranked 128th in Rushing S&P+. That meant a redshirt freshman was forced to throw the ball on second- or third-and-long a lot. How do you figure that worked out?

Photo by Ethan Miller/Getty Images

Chason Virgil

Nearly one-quarter of Virgil’s passes last year came on third-and-7 or more. That’s a recipe for failure, and it didn’t get any better when Virgil got hurt late. In his absence, Fresno averaged just 9 points per game.

Virgil will have a shot at the job, but he’ll have to fend off three-star JUCO transfer Jorge Reyna and three-star redshirt freshman James Quentin Davis.

Based on what the Bulldogs return, though, I would assume DeBoer maintains his pass-first principles. Junior Jamire Jordan is by far the team’s best big-play threat; he caught 19 passes for 345 yards in September before the offense bottomed out, and he had 15 catches for 231 yards in Virgil’s last three games before injury. He is a home run hitter, which makes possession guys like junior DeeSean Jackson and Da’Mari Scott more dangerous. Scott missed 2016 but averaged 9.8 yards per target with a 49 percent success rate in 2015.

In theory, experience could help the run game — every running back returns, as do basically 4.5 starters on the line — but the best boon the ground attack could get is a competent passing game. EMU didn’t get much out of its ground game but still improved dramatically last year. In theory, maybe the Fresno State offense does the same.

Cary Edmondson-USA TODAY Sports

Jamire Jordan

Defense

Seriously, Tedford gets bonus points for creativity. I gave Nevada’s Jay Norvell credit for hiring some assistants I enjoy, and I find myself giving Tedford credit for the opposite. He had never worked with DeBoer before hiring him, and it appears his only experience with defensive coordinator Orlondo Steinauer came when Tedford’s BC Lions played the Hamilton Tiger-Cats in 2015. Steinauer was the Tiger-Cats’ coordinator over the last four seasons.

Steinauer’s Hamilton defenses were high-havoc, ranking second in the CFL in interceptions and third in takeaways in 2016 and finishing two sacks off of the league lead. In 2015, they led the league in takeaways, and in 2014, they were first in rushing average and second in total defense.

He inherits one of the lowest-havoc defenses in FBS. Even though the Bulldogs improved over the second half of the year, they were less than disruptive, ranking 126th in havoc rate. This was a bend-don’t-break unit, allowing 42 gains of 20-plus yards all season (fifth in the country), but opponents were allowed five yards any time they wanted.

This makes Steinauer’s CFL experience interesting. The three-down CFL basically starts every drive on a second-and-10, but every set of downs for the Fresno State defense basically started on second-and-5, once the opposing offense got its easy first down yardage. Steinauer knows what to do when an opponent is leveraged behind schedule, and Fresno State’s secondary was efficient when opponents had to pass. But opponents have to get there first.

It appears Fresno’s front seven will be experienced and physically impressive. The Bulldogs return six of their top seven tacklers and four of their top five linebackers. There could be a problem with tackle depth as they move from a 3-4 to more of a 4-3 (or, as Steinauer described it in perfect coachspeak, a “multiple” defense), but the tackles will be in the 300-pound range and the ends around 260. And in James Bailey and Nela Otukolo, the Bulldogs have a couple of potentially exciting junior linebackers.

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James Bailey

Stopping the run is mission No. 1 in the MWC West, and physically, the Bulldogs might be better at it. But they now might have to deal with far less experience in the secondary. Free safety Stratton Brown and starting corners Tyquwan Glass and Jamal Ellis are gone after combining for seven tackles for loss, five picks, and 18 breakups. Steady junior safety DeShawn Potts remains, but sophomores like safety Mike Bell and corners Juju Hughes and Jaron Bryant could be counted on heavily, as could a trio of JUCO transfers.

More than any other unit, turnover in the secondary typically leads to regression. Can a new scheme and energy offset that? Will Steinauer have the pieces he needs to do damage on passing downs? Will Fresno State even force passing downs?

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Deshawn Potts

Special Teams

DeRuyter’s pest parting gift to Tedford might be the special teams unit, which ranked 41st in Special Teams S&P+ despite a freshman punter and freshman kickoffs guy. Kody Kroening made 15 of 17 field goals last year (seven of which were 40 yards or longer), Jamire Jordan has potential as a kick returner, and Fresno’s kick coverage unit was impeccable. And with everyone back, I’d be surprised if the Bulldogs didn’t crack the top 40 here in 2017.

So they’ve got that going for them.

2017 outlook

2017 Schedule & Projection Factors

Date Opponent Proj. S&P+ Rk Proj. Margin Win Probability 2-Sep Incarnate Word NR 29.3 95% 9-Sep at Alabama 1 -49.2 0% 16-Sep at Washington 13 -33.2 3% 30-Sep Nevada 117 2.8 56% 7-Oct at San Jose State 105 -4.3 40% 14-Oct New Mexico 110 1.7 54% 21-Oct at San Diego State 52 -19.1 13% 28-Oct UNLV 118 3.0 57% 4-Nov BYU 46 -14.9 19% 11-Nov at Hawaii 109 -3.7 42% 18-Nov at Wyoming 80 -11.2 26% 25-Nov Boise State 29 -18.9 14%

Projected S&P+ Rk 115 Proj. Off. / Def. Rk 114 / 100 Projected wins 4.2 Five-Year S&P+ Rk -13.2 (116) 2- and 5-Year Recruiting Rk 85 / 82 2016 TO Margin / Adj. TO Margin* -9 / -3.9 2016 TO Luck/Game -2.1 Returning Production (Off. / Def.) 58% (77%, 40%) 2016 Second-order wins (difference) 2.3 (-1.3)

In his first go-round, Tedford inherited a one-win Cal program and turned things around. The Bears went 7-5 in his first year, and by his third they were winning 10 games and narrowly missing out on a BCS bowl.

I do like Tedford’s potential to raise Fresno’s floor, and I would be surprised if the Bulldogs don’t exceed their 4.2 projected wins. But with this schedule, another turnaround to seven wins would be a miraculous job. Fresno State must travel to Alabama and Washington in non-conference play and face both of last year’s MWC division champions (San Diego State, Wyoming) on the road. Four home games against teams projected 110th or worse in S&P+ should assure that the win total rises, but the Bulldogs will need to win every semi-winnable game to bowl.

That’s putting the cart ahead of the horse. Fresno State was really bad in 2016, and the Bulldogs were bad in the most anti-FS possible way. When you fall as far as this program did, you don’t make specific plans. Score in the mid-20s or low-30s a few times, and 2017 is a success.

Tedford’s job over the next couple of seasons is not only continuing Fresno State’s top-half-of-the-conference recruiting averages, but developing three-star guys into three-star players. He made some interesting hires that could pay off, but getting talented athletes to play like talented athletes is step one.

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