katsuki jumps, startlingly, when you rub a hand up his back.
he's leaned too far down, bent over the counter at an angle that will give him an ache he'll complain about later, and his head whips up as you come to stand beside him. an e-mail on his phone is what previously had his full attention, but now he looks at you, eyes softening as you lean into his shoulder.
he's never been a very touchy guy. even after a year into your relationship, it's most often you reaching for his hand as you walk down the street; you pressing a kiss into his cheek while watching a movie on the couch; you running a hand through his hair as his breath steadies out beside you in bed.
it's not something you really complain about. you know how he is, knew before anything developed between the two of you, and you can't say it's a deal-breaker. there's little you know about his previous relationships or if he even had any, but you have the painful-gut feeling that affection just isn't something he's used to.
you press a smile into the sleeve of his shirt and his spine relaxes under your hand, finds that awful curve again. he watches you like he's waiting for something, tracing the tender details of your face.
"love you," you say, because do and you want to voice it aloud, put it into his mind even though you know he knows. as expected, his lips flatten into a wavering little line, shy suddenly, and your teeth wet the fabric of his shirt when you smile.
all you get is a little grunt in response and he dips his chin down in a wordless nod, accepting your lovey-dovey assault. it makes him feel a little helpless, you know, but you bring up an arm to wrap around him as he turns back to his phone, ears pink.
katsuki straightens with a dull pop!, stretching his arms up and allowing you to shuffle closer, so that your head is resting on his chest. you press your ear to it and wait, eyes closed, until the heavy promise of his heartbeat echoes like a drum in your ear. it's loud, and after a moment, your own falls into sync, right where it belongs.
"'s'wrong?"
"hm?" you glance up at him, the frown on his pink face, before breathing in the clean scent of his laundry soap. your laundry soap. and then you shake your head. "nothin'. just missed you."
"been home all day."
"i know," you sigh, letting your eyes fall shut again. the sound of his phone locking clicks and you can feel the slight down-slide of his sweatpants when he pockets it. "sometimes i miss you even though you're right here."
you expect — something; another grunt or laugh through his nose, a raspy little noise that voices his confusion. things like this can be hard for him; you know how he is, knew before anything ever developed between the two of you — but you don't think it makes him any less deserving.
katsuki steps back from you a little, and you feel the hesitant rise of his arm before you feel it. his hand comes up to your face — pink and scarred in your peripheral vision — and he tilts your head up, waits until you open your eyes.
when you do, it looks as if a million things are running through his head. his poker-face is good, it has to be, but you can see little bits of his vulnerability shining through. you wonder how long it's been since he showed it to anybody. he almost looks sad.
katsuki squeezes your cheeks until your lips pucker, and his frown deepens when you laugh. "y're so...damn weird."
that's along the lines of what you were anticipating: one of his teasing little insults, warm with a fire he's still learning how to kindle. you don't get the chance to say anything before he's kissing you, eyes shut tight, lashes brushing against your own.
you expect something soft, because affection is a fickle thing, from him — but his hand never falls from your face and his tongue is sliding with yours suddenly, a heated gesture that throws your heart out of whack. you let him kiss you as deeply as he can, until your back arches painfully backward over the counter as he leans into you.
when he pulls away, his lips are a little swollen and his cheeks are burning, as he presses one into yours. "i—jus'—" katsuki tries and then abandons it, a hand curling into the material of your shirt. "i get it." he murmurs, there, into the heated skin of your face, heart beating in time with yours.
things like this are hard with him — but he makes them so, so worth it.
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The first snow of the season comes on a Saturday night, where Steve planned a movie night sleepover with the kids (plus Eddie and Robin) and on Sunday morning there’s enough snow to let them all play and roll around it. It’s the first snowfall Eddie experiences with Steve as his boyfriend.
Steve lets them play outside in the condition that they all wear hats and mittens. Eddie makes sure Steve still joins them, even though he’s the last one out of the door, having to make sure to put out a pot of water to heat later and enough hot chocolate to feed the gremlins later when they get tired of the cold. His boyfriend always seems to be worried for everyone but himself, always forgetting that he could also enjoy himself.
Eddie enjoys the time with the kids, Robin and his boyfriend. He’s always loved the snow. Winter in Indiana doesn’t get really high, but yesterday’s downfall gives them just enough to play with. They teach El how to make snowmans, Steve even brings out some scarf and carrots for it. They make snow angels and they have snowball fights.
It’s cold. But Eddie has never felt happier, never felt lighter. It’s like summer sunlight contained in each of the kids smile, in each burst of giggle, in each joyful scream. Robin’s buried in snow like she’s buried in the beach in the middle of summer, as Max laughs beside her. The kids are being kids, and he feels his heart growing twice its size at the prospect of them getting the chance to finally heal.
He turns around, spinning his head from left to right, when he can’t find the red beanie with the matching red scarf Steve was wearing. There’s a cold shiver that prickles across his skin, it’s the anxiety from Spring and Summer.
Eddie takes a deep breath, it’s okay, Steve’s okay. He’s just here somewhere, he walks to the far end of the big Harrington backyard, to find his boyfriend laying on the snow, spread out as he stares at the sky.
He can’t help the sigh of relief he releases.
“Steve?” Eddie calls out, Steve doesn’t respond, but he raises his hand.
“Baby, are you okay?” Eddie walks closer to him, until he’s close enough to kneel beside him.
When he’s close enough, he sees the tears streaming down Steve’s cheeks, his brown eyes glimmering in such a beautiful manner, Eddie wonders if Steve is the closest thing he can get to heaven on earth.
“Are you okay?” Steve doesn’t answer, making Eddie worry even more.
“Sweetheart, you have to tell me if something is wrong. Did Dustin hit your head too hard with that snow ball? I told him to slow down. Do you want me to call for help? Are you getting a migraine? Is it too bright for you?”
Steve turns his head at him, finally looking Eddie in the eye. From the distance, he can hear El laughing so freely it heals something in him, something he didn’t even know was broken in his heart.
“Steve?” Eddie whispers, as more tears fill his boyfriend’s eyes.
“I—“ Steve sniffles, “I am happy, Eddie.”
Eddie softens, “Oh, baby.” Steve sits up slowly, letting his head fall on Eddie’s chest, as Eddie wraps his arms around him.
“I think— I thought— I’d never be genuinely happy again.” Steve looks up at him, eyes filling with fresh new tears, “And I am actually happy right now, Eds. I don’t want it to go away.”
Eddie clutches his closer to him, leaving a kiss on top of his red beanie, “I can’t promise you that we’ll always be happy. But I can promise you that we'll be okay, and as long as we're all together, that'll be enough. You believe me, sweetheart?”
Steve hums against his chest, “Yes.”
In the background, they can hear the Mike starting to scream for hot chocolate, Robin’s starting to freeze under the snow as Will and Lucas try their best to dig her our of it, El is still trying to make balls of snow fly and trying to make a gigantic snowman, as Dustin and Max try to see if the pool was hard enough to skate on.
They’re all happy, a little cold, noses red from spending way too long in the snow. And maybe later, they’ll all end up with snots in their noses, bundled together in thick blankets as they watch a Christmas movie, hot chocolates in hands.
For today, that’s good enough, because they're finally happy.
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thinking about alexsander kallus who starts off being a passionate servant to the empire and proud destroyer of lasan who has a strong mutual hatred for zeb
alexsander kallus who never really sat well with the massacre on lasan after it happened, because it was never supposed to happen that way, who starts to question things after being trapped on bahryn with zeb, who actually gets to talk with his enemy and come to a shaky, shaky truce
alexsander kallus who helps sabine escape even before he's officially fulcrum, just because he knows he owes zeb, and he knows how important sabine is to him
alexsander kallus who becomes fulcrum because he knows it's the right thing to do, because he knows that the events on lasan have happened to so many other planets, and he realizes how wrong he was, and how he's been changed
"heart of a rebel" alexsander kallus who fights against thrawn and manages to escape and becomes an unofficial spector as he gets folded into the rebels
alexsander kallus who, after feeling guilty and twisted for so long because of the lasan massacre, who has atoned for so many mistakes, who has struggled for so long to find his place, is shown to the planet where the lasat people are thriving, who is welcomed into their home, forgiven and seen as one of them
just... alexsander kallus
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thinking soft childe thoughts again. this man truly does live rent free in my brain
falling in love with him, i think, would feel a lot like learning to walk with the knowledge that the space beside you is no longer empty.
there aren't any grand signs when you first meet: there is no moment of déjà vu, no sudden flurry of butterflies in your gut when you lock eyes for the first time, no hushed internal whispers of "have we met before?". there is no higher power guiding him when he approaches you and introduces himself, bright eyes and boyish grin on full display. there is no higher power guiding you when you test the feel of his name on your tongue and introduce yourself right back, cautious but curious of who and what he is. you're just two people who happened to be in the same space, at the same time, and that's how your story starts.
the days pass by like a warm reel of laughter with childe at your side. he's a wonderful friend; funny, charming, with a tendency to spoil you and insist even when you refuse because "this is what friends do! besides, i'm gonna eat your food anyway, so at least let me pay—". he's thoughtful and courteous, but he keeps your life exciting with all the mischief and stark joy he brings along with him. you know what he is, and though you don't completely know what his job entails, neither of you bring it up in the times you spend together. in the comfort of your company, he is not childe the harbinger or tartaglia, the waker of the deep. when he walks and fills the space beside you, he's just childe, your friend who raids your cupboards when he's feeling snacky and slips mora into your wallet when you're not looking. who wakes you up in the morning by knocking on the window right by your bed (instead of knocking on your door, you know, like a normal person). who goes on walks with you around the harbor to admire the sights and maybe work on his liyueren accent and vocabulary by conversing with you about anything and everything under the sun. who holds your hand like it's second nature, and matches the length of his strides to your own like he doesn't want either of you to ever be too far apart.
when your days pass like this, gradually getting to know the familiarity of his touch and presence in your life, falling in love isn't as daunting as it should be. the realization comes slowly to you though. it's when you find yourself tilting your head to whisper to the waiting ear beside you, when you stand and wait in an ever-moving crowd once you recognize the sound of his approach. it's when you set out two bowls instead of one at night and attach an assistive band to one pair of chopsticks because even after all this time, he still doesn't know how to use them.
falling in love with childe feels a lot like a gradual shift of colors in the ginkgo leaves of your homeland as the seasons pass by. he walks with you through the harbor often now, like a routine he can't give up. and while he admires the sights of liyue in the beauty of fall, you admire him.
it's in the glint of those golden leaves framing his fiery hair and blue eyes that you realize: "i've loved him for a while now, haven't i?"
i think that's how it all starts, honestly. you fall first, before you even realize, and your life suddenly becomes all the more colorful with the feelings you couldn't recognize before suddenly intermingling with the casual comfort he brings with him. it could open the door to something angsty, where you think your feelings are unreturned and try to cope, or maybe something soft and silly, where everyone can see just how much you like childe while he remains oblivious to your affections, but still sweet all the same.
in the end though, it wouldn't really matter if you really were the one who fell first. because childe, who saw you in that moment and took the first step to something bigger than he could've ever expected, would definitely be the one who fell harder.
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