#bc even at gay clubs (but mostly straight ones)

[cherrygarden]

oooh i hate men

[cowboyjen68]

hiii how do i give hints to my dad? cause i have this childhood bestfriend (we've been friends since i was 11-12) and we're rlly close to the point that i always go to his house (and sometimes stay for a bit if me and my parents have some problems) and basically hang out in his bedroom mostly bc we watch movies or study (even tho he just procastinates while i suffer because of math) and after we hang out he basically brings me home which is the reason why my dad thinks we're a thing bc of how much we hang out. but the truth is he already has a girlfriend while I'm here hopelessly crushing on a straight girl from my school's theater club. so how do i give hints to my dad that i am definitely gay af and me and my friend are just close friends? i dont really wanna come out to him and only wanna come out to him once i go to college

I am going to answer this partially from a parent's point of view and partially from my experience of having a parent (Mom) in somewhat of a denial.

You really don't have the correct or tell him anything until you are ready. As a parent I see signs of stuff in my kids all the time. I can address those things, let them go or completely ignore and wish them away and it all depends on what it is . There is a good sized chance that your dad knows you are, at least, not straight, but he is not ready to work to change his "vision" of how he sees you or your future. But I would almost bet the seed is planted in there somewhere. However, some people are terrible at picking up any hints or clues so you can't really be sure.

If he is one of those clueless people the only way to make any headway is to be clear and forward with him. "Dad, because I love you and care about our connection I wanted you to know I am a lesbian and my BFF is just a BFF not anything more" . There is really no reason to do this until you are out of the house and in college. OR even wait until you are independent of him financially and securitywise(housing, insurance, car, phone etc.) That is what I did and Mom and Dad were pretty chill, but in 1993 I just had no real way to judge how they would react so I played it safe.

You can spend a lot of time and energy to give hints, tell your dad or not tell your dad and that decison to put forth the effort has to be for you and not him. IF you feel the need and it is important to you that you be honest with your father then that is one thing. Doing it for his benefit will do you no good. Here is how I know:

I had a best friend in college and we are still close today. He was out as gay when I met him (I was 19, he was 18) and he was the first person I told I was a lesbian sometime in our college years. He came home with me a lot (he is clearly gay even to the untrained eye) and he was pretty close to my mom and dad. Mom and Dad KNEW Shawn was gay. We both moved to Iowa City and were roommates after college and we went to my parents house on weekends for dinner or to ride the 4-Wheelers or horses.

In 1993 I started dating my first girlfriend and game out to Mom and Dad. Mom started crying because "life would be harder for me" and I remember Dad calmy saying "Doris, we have known since she was 6 or 7 AND this is Jippy (my nickname) she will be fine". SO mom and dad were clear on two things. I was a lesbian, Shawn was gay. YET she often said 'you two would make such a cute couple" Or "you know, you two could just try it"

When I married Wife (after many years together) she had finally stopped saying anything. HOWEVER when she was on her death bed and only had a day or two left in 2012, Shawn went to visit her and she told him "I sure wish you and Jippy would get together, you would make a great couple". Moral of the story: Don't waste a lot of time and effort convinicing others of your sexuality. They will think what they want and the best you can do is just live your life. Coming out to them once is enough, you should not have to continually try to "prove" anything. My advice. Don't come out while you are living with him if you think he will just ignore you or not believe you. It just becomes a hassle and unless there is some overwhelming reason he needs to know, it is work you don't need to do.

The "Happy Couple" then, and now.

[lingy910y]

Ian and Mickey Meta Questions: Clothing

this is my moment 🙏 aka just me rambling to myself @gallavichmeta

1. When do you think the first time was that one wore the others clothes? And what feelings did they have about it?

I’m looking through gifs and it seems like the earliest occurence is during 2x01/3x11 with this grey hoodie? and my only interpretation of this is that sometime during the s2 summer, Ian left it at the dugouts after they fucked. and Mickey saw it in the corner of his closet since he also forgot to give it back, and naturally was drawn to it without realizing it’s Ian’s to help him cope with how sad he was :/

2. Mickey is the youngest brother in his family and Ian is the middle brother in his family. What feelings do they have about hand-me-down clothing?

Mickey didn’t care at all cause that’s the way life was for him in Terry’s household, sadly.

Well canonically Ian was tired of living under Lip’s shadow and he’s his only older brother, so naturally some of his clothes are his hand-me-downs. You can also see that in the show. I think that Ian didn’t rly mind this particularly, just shows how close he is with Lip y’know? and they have different styles but so similar at the same time esp Lip’s is more nerdy

3. Do you think either of them have a favourite outfit or item of clothing?

Oh I know Mickey fucking LOVES his black boat neck sleeveless tank. mans wears it all the time, like if he was in a dress up game this would be his default option. I saw a cute fanart speculating that the reason why he mostly wears sleeveless clothes esp in early seasons is bc he overheard Ian saying he esp loves a r m s in men so he cut them specifically, but I feel like he felt uncomfortable and wants to stretch his arms. we all know how he’s a man of action

On the other hand Ian is obsessed with military outfits 💀 first of all bro got the ugly buzzcut. ok sure, whatever, he changes hairstyles every season anyway. but then he was wearing his rotc uniform everywhere?? cutting it into shorts for the club? and he dared mickey to wear the camo for the gig 💀💀 he literally has a kink for it and it’s embarrassing i’m sorry. tho I’m a hypocrite cause he does look good in it, but when does he not? if a watch counts as an item of clothing tho I’m gonna say that instead

4. Do you think either of them have a least favourite item of clothing?

Can I say Mickey’s first wedding suit? Because he was yanking the bowtie when he came out of the dressing room and the whole thing was both literally and metaphorically was suffocating him. which was why it was so meaningful for him to get to choose his white suit (and other stuff in his second wedding), even if he had to straight-up take his and Ian’s by force ASDKFJL

Ian telling Mandy he didn’t want to starve himself to fit that golden thong was so :((( I think he also greatly regrets his job at the club, so all memories involving it are prob bad for him. rly wished the show didn’t just brush how he felt under the rug

5. What do you think their personal style says about them?

Well Mickey’s style screams thug (not necessarily king of the southside) that’s for sure

Ian’s fashion sense is very wack lmfao. I think it just means that he’s a silly goofy boy! Someone said "every cis gay millenial dude owns this shirt" under a gifset of his raglans 😭

6. What items of clothing hold most significance for them?

Didn’t Mickey personally say in 11x05 that he “loves this shirt” in response to the black shirt he was wearing, and the whole fandom agreed that it’s the same one that Ian wore to Mexico 🥺 MEANWHILE HE WAS WEARING THE FLANNEL?? THAT SPANS A WHOLE TIMELINE

And Ian’s EMT jacket def means a lot to him. Everytime I look at it I gain new waves of emotion so I can’t even imagine what he feels when he reminiscences during late nights TT

7. Do you think the way Mickey’s sense of style changed over time was to do with his relationship with Ian?

Yes, definitely. Says a lot that he was dirtier in the early seasons, like he never gave a fuck abt his appearance bc there were other things to focus on before Ian did. I can imagine Ian nuzzling Mickey’s shoulder during another one of their summertime fucks at the dugouts, so Mickey wanted to clean up nice for him without directly saying anything. And how overtime, he dressed more and more fashionable :D

8. Ian has worn a few different uniforms (ROTC, janitor, EMT, prisoner, fake EMT etc etc) over the course of the series, how do you think they made him feel?

I feel like the ROTC and EMT uniforms made him feel empowering, like he’s reaching his ambition of doing something with his life. Then the other ones like his stripper outfit as I’ve mentioned in 4, janitor, prison, fake EMT uniforms rly made him feel horrible. But I think he did grow to like his prison uniform after seeing Mickey in that white tank top all the time, maybe?

9. How does their emotional state affect their clothing choices?

It does, but I can’t necessarily find much apparent examples? But I like how in 3x09/ abandoned building, Mickey was wearing his sweater. I think sweaters and sadness definitely go together

10. We see Mickey wear colourful/Hawaiian shirts a couple of times, how do you think those types of clothes make him feel?

It makes him feel fun! The first time he clicks his tongue, does a little dance, and asks ian for his approval & the second time he lets out a “ooh!” He’s a cutie. I rly get emotional whenever Mickey gets to experience the little joys in life that he never rly got to express when he was younger. Then I get emotional for a different reason - he had a whole dream of laying in the sun with Ian in Mexico but he ended up doing it alone or not at all I’m fucking crying

11. Compare their first and last appearances, what do their outfits tell us about the characters?

They both dress more “maturely” in the last eps compared to the first ones :0c cargo jackets(?) !!!

[plague-of-insomnia]

hm idk how ur gonna feel abt an ask like this but i do want to get smth off my chest & u seem p safe. feel free to delete if u want

i saw a post recently talking abt how "gay" got used as a slur a lot more than people acknowledge. and it got me thinking of my school years & how often it got thrown around.

thing is. and heres where my train of thought goes off the rails. i actually experienced the word "incest" as an attack more than the word "gay"... which. ill explain. but it really got me thinking on this whole purity culture & demonising of incest depicted in literature & yknow taking things too far with whats considered incest.

bc at the end of the day. the reason incest is illegal (mostly) is to prevent inbreeding & the health issues that come along with that. if ur not blood related then theres no problem.

and like. the reason i got called incestuous and generally ostracised was bc i was close with a boy in my year. like we dated for a week as 14 yros do. and at some point i discovered that hey. his last name is the same as my aunts and lo and behold hes my 2nd cousin thru marriage or smth. so. not incest at all.

anyway that p much ruined our friendship (& it was a friendship. i broke things off before i even knew we were related bc i just didnt feel the same way and we stayed friends for a little bit) all bc some kids couldnt let it go that we had the vaguest relation to each other. he got bullied for the rest of our school year & ive felt horribly guilty for leaving him bc i wanted to be "cool" & ended up without any close friends like we were.

sorry if thats a weird thing to put in ur inbox.

Hey, anon. I don't mind this ask. I hope you don't mind me replying publicly. (In future if you don't just say so.)

This post will be a bit long, so I'll go ahead and put it under a readmore.

TW for discussions of "gay" used in a negative way, and discussions of the use of the word "incest," and its association with child sexual abuse, though there's really nothing terribly bad here as I'm not going into detail on any of thse topics. (If you need something tagged, though, let me know.)

Now, I'm old as dirt by tumblr standards, and I remember VIVIDLY the word "gay" being used in a negative light. As a kid, I didn't really see it used as a "slur" per se, but it was used to mean something was bad.

Like, if you saw a movie that sucked, you'd say "Man, that movie was so gay." It meant something like "lame."

So obviously, it wasn't a good thing, and when I got a bit older and was explained why using the word was bad, I stopped, and fortunately most other kids did too and it mostly faded from use (in that sense) at least as far as I noticed.

(I'm not saying gay hasn't been used as a more nasty slur/word ofc, this is just my personal experience with it.)

Granted, keep in mind when I was in high school, our LGBTQ+ club was just the "Gay/Straight Alliance." Back then, it was basically, you were gay/lesbian, or you were an ally. We never talked about trans people or nonbinary people or ace/aro people. Ofc every one of those identities/kinds of people existed, but as far as my world went, they didn't. Most of my circle of friends was queer in some way, but many were closeted or semi-closeted for various reasons.

Anyway, sorry for that detour. Now, as to your incest situation. I'm sorry that happened to you. It definitely wasn't fair. You didn't have any way to know if you were related, and if/when you did it was "easy" to end the relationship. But kids are kids, and they always love to find a way to single people out, and they probably didn't really care what the actual truth was.

Even if you'd discovered having a similar name was total coincidence, I'm sure they'd still have bullied you for "incest."

I wasn't bullied for it, thankfully, but I did have a classmate in high school with the same last name as mine. My name is very common in some places, but where I lived at that time it was not, so everyone assumed we were fraternal twins. He was a nice enough guy, but I really didn't want people to think we were siblings. But no matter how many times we both explained we weren't related, no one believed us.

Sometimes, once someone makes their mind up about something, there's no changing it.

As for "abandoning" your friend because you didn't want to be left out and regretting it, I get that too. There was a guy I dated when I was around 16, and we were very passionate, but I think honestly I entered a major depressive episode and lost all interest in everything, including him, and... anyway, I regret how things ended between us even today, many, many years later. I wish I could shake my 16-year-old self and tell them not to be so cruel, but we can't change the past, only learn from it and move forward.

With regards to antis/purity culture taking incest so far, I do agree it has gotten ridiculous. As you said, the reason incest is taboo is because of inbreeding, because if your (general you) DNA is too closely related, you increase the chance of having major/significant diseases due to a lack of genetic diversity. But antis tend not to understand the WHY's behind things (since they also believe pedophilia is bad bc it's disgusting, and not because it hurts children, who become real grown adults).

But I have seen some really wild takes called incest. Like a ship from one fandom where the male and female characters are friends. A lot of people consider it "problematic" apparently, because they have a "sibling-like" relationship. They did not grow up together, they aren't related, and yet that's "incest" according to antis.

I do want to mention another reason that incest can/is considered so bad, and it's because, despite what antis may think, most sexual abuse of children comes from someone close to them in their lives, often a family member or close friend. So for a lot of people, when they think of "incest," they closely associate it with sexual abuse of a child. It's possible that's why antis get so upset about it. I don't know. But that is another aspect to it. (Ofc for you, in your past situation, you were both around the same age, so that's not the case, but that association is there.)

But, in the end, in fiction, it doesn't matter, because there are not actual children who can be conceived or harmed, and so the whole purpose behind why incest isn't allowed in many places in modern times doesn't exist.

I hope you're doing OK now, anon. Don't be to hard on yourself. A lot of people have done things when they were young teens they regret and wish they could "undo," but as long as you learned from that experience so you could become a better person than that 14-year-old version of you, I think you're doing OK.

Sending you some hugs. <3

[tankaramo]

i have two (2) moods:

being gay is a blessing

being gay is a burden

[ryansjane]

Sorry if this is crossing the line that’s not what I’m trying to do :( My ask is due to me traveling to a couple of Asian countries with my friend later in the summer and she’s going back to home for the first time in years and she’s trans and I’m 💅 (and I look It tbh) and we’re trying to stay safe.

I was wondering about the dating scene and visibility in Thailand. Have you been dating or are you too busy? Are there a lot of gay clubs? And if there are, are they more hidden or open? Do you see LGBT+ people holding hands/kissing/anything? Have you been openly hit on (because if someone doesn’t tell me that they like me then rip it’s never going to happen)? Anything can help! We’ve been doing a lot of research but nothing beats actual experience. Thank you ❤️

hi anon! no, you're not crossing the line! sadly you're kinda asking the wrong person bc I'm a forever single woman who literally doesn't know the first thing about flirting. though today a guy (not flirting, he has a gf) told me that it's crazy that I'm single bc I'm beautiful, kind & have a great personality so... I have now been hyped up about myself for the next month or so 😌 ANYWAYS, so here's my answers, though again take it with a grain of salt bc I get zero plays & also I'm not very visibly queer (for the straights at least!)

I haven't been dating but I've been making lots of friends, which was personally my priority. though I know many of my friends who have gotten significant others from tinder or bumble, so if you're trying to meet people & you might be shy to do it in clubs or whatever, then maybe try that!

as for the gay clubs, there's surely a lot, though I haven't been to any (yet, tbh I'm waiting to finally make a queer friend that can take me there bc I'm not going clubbing alone sorry lol!) silom road is THE gay street & I stayed near there when I came here for tourism 3 years ago & it was definitely the street for gay clubs! they're not hidden from what I've seen either bc again, everyone knows silom is the queer street :) I'm pretty sure there's also gay clubs at khaosan road (the clubs street), but maybe check before going there!

I don't see many couples doing more than holding hands in general tbh, queer or not. thai culture is not big on pda so I have yet to see anyone kissing in front of me. but there are definitely visibly queer couples out & about!

I've been hit on by this one dude as I was going outside of a club & he complimented my hair (it's a real conversation starter for me, I love it) and then we both just stood there & do I regret not giving him my ig even though he was a foreigner who likely would've gone back to his country three days later??? absolutely, let's not talk about it. once again my flirting game is at -10000 🥲

as for being visibly queer in bangkok & big cities, I really gotta say that you're gonna be fine. there's a LOT of trans people & queer people here, and from what I know, while not everyone is accepting, you just have to expect weird looks sometimes (that will happen for any foreigner tbh) but apart from that I don't think there's much risk. especially if you're two, you won't even notice the weird looks lol, I only noticed them when I stayed here alone. also since it's pride month rn, rainbow pride flags are plastered all over the city & while it's mostly marketing while the same-sex marriage bill still gets rejected by crusty old thai politicians, it still feels very welcoming to see the rainbows everywhere :) so you'll be fine! have fun, meet wonderful queer people & see lots of beautiful things <3

xxx

[possibilistfanfiction]

it was really interesting to read your last few asks about the uswnt. i’m an english football fan so most of my football world is mainly about the PL/WSL + our national teams (rife with our own issues ofc), and my awareness of uswnt players in anything more than a general sense is only for those that play/ed over here.

c@rli has always given me sketch vibes and i’ve never known why, so nothing you wrote actually surprises me.

from the outside, it seems christen has been overlooked by the set up for years - is it a case of the system not supporting/recognising her (or even actively diminishing her) or were there genuinely people who merited selection above her?

getting to see christen + tobin play in matches over here last year was exciting af, i’ve developed a weird defensiveness over them lol (calling tobin a himbo? perfection)

(😂 toby is the most devoted wife i mean himbo in the absolute fondest most positive way lmao i love her & relate, it’s great to get to just vibe w your wife who is more competent than u in all ways lmfao)

& i mean discounting abby wambach who is definitely one of the absolute best players of all time, & kind of an anomaly, i think it’s sort of both the “way” the uswnt “likes” to play & also cp just being diminished or dismissed, like u brought up — as a 9, alex seems more built for what the us wants sometimes bc she’ll sit in & draw fouls. it’s not particularly productive a lot of the time, & she’s been terrible at club for a while. cp was a better player in college & club & then waited years for a uswnt call up. i don’t think in any world that alex (or arod, even, early on) are better players than her.

cp is also like…. incredibly smart & tactical & just brilliant off the ball, which i’m sure u know lmao. the us has relied for a long time on sheer athleticism to win games (which, now, is why u see the rest of the world beginning to catch up — teams are smart & tactical & incredibly athletic at the same time, & it pushes us to have to be the same). cp is all of those things — precise, terrifyingly fast, lethal around goal, when shes given consistent opportunities in systems that make sense, & with teammates who understand (& adore) her style of play.

what’s frustrating to me (& i’m sure this isn’t a new take) is that alex has gotten tons of accolades & that’s mostly bc jill just constantly played her. she’s also white, straight, wealthy, not even particularly liberal — the all american girl next door, prolific queen of sponcon, etc. of course that’s the kind of player the uswnt LOVES, especially pairing her w wambach (i love abby infinitely, to be clear, she’s just less palatable a person to the american dads who pay for their daughters to play soccer). it’s not even an alex-only thing obviously, the 99ers kind of set up uswnt to look & be one way — female athletes who were entirely non-threatening to femininity.

i think if u look at alex, who works in a “traditional” kind of us play, u can kind of say like oh maybe she’s just a more traditional kind of player. but tobin isn’t at all a traditional kind of player (in the BEST way) but she’s always been a uswnt darling. tobin is like hot & soft butch & Clearly presenting as queer now (& she seems SO deeply happy!!! love that for her) but when she was younger she was actually also pretty femme a lot of the time. it looked so uncomfortable but she fit the bill of like. what a uswnt should look like, dress like, etc: thin, white, wealthy, able-bodied, relatively conservative, christian, patriotic, not out as gay (i’m not abt to say tobin was straight lmao but u know what i mean).

& so i think ur hitting on both points — the us system favors a particular kind of bruising play that is becoming less & less effective, & that’s why you see cp THRIVE when systems are smart & encourage off the ball movement, especially out on the left wing. (she can kick ass at a 9 tho). but there’s a rly gross underpinning of a lot of just gross racism & lots of other intersections. it’s not just cp obviously but i think she’s probably the most glaring example of a brilliant player who has never been honored for her incredible skill (crystal too) — even listening to commentators talk about cp & crystal, mix them up sometimes, describe their play as “fast” & “aggressive” Only, etc, just sheds light on how widespread & deeply rooted an underpinning it is.

however, if u look at cps goal involvement over minutes played, she’s actually prolific as hell!!! i genuinely cannot imagine how difficult maintaining her level of play within such harm has been, & she seems truly happy & peaceful & emotionally/mentally well on top of that (w her wife aka a golden retriever). seriously tho i gain more respect for her all the time. she’s a little neoliberal for my politic sometimes but like. she’s pretty fucking awesome

[omegawolverine]

Plesse tell me about queerness in the get down!!

okay okay queerness in the get down let's fuckn goooo

disclaimer: I havent watched this show in full for like 5 months at least, probably gonna get something wrong and/or forget some more important bits. also this wasnt proof read I just word vomited

tws: period typical homophobia, abuse mention, f slur use, bury your gays trope, overdose mention, mention of a creepy possible age gap (the age gap hasnt been confirmed so that's why its possible), cops

going from least to most prominent queer characters, let's start with mylene cruz!

so, from the beginning of this show she has an established romantic relationship with ezekiel (although the status of their actual relationship changes frequently throughout the show) and though this was a relationship she was hesitant to pursue, it is clear that she does have romantic feelings for him and if not for them both having growing careers in very different music genres (zeke specifically working in a genre that she repeatedly labels as bad because she thinks they're ruining records + that it isnt real music because they're using someone elses piece and rapping over it, that's not really important here tho lol) they probably wouldve had a much healthier, smooth sailing romance. that being said theres a few things that happen in the show that, while not explicitly clear, or even really good coding at that—to the point where you wont catch if you really arent looking for it (and trust me, I always look for coding, hers was just so little that it flew over my head until I saw someone else mention it)—are still cool to think about!

so, for starters, I wanna mention the toy box performance, which was performed by mylene and regina, who are best friends. that's all cool and shit, and you dont really think much about it...until you hear about the fact that the show runners purposely colored a lot of the scenes in that performance with the bi colors. like. the writers after the show ended basically said "oh yeah there was plans to make her coding more explicit, but our shit got cancelled soooo" and then dropped the fact that she was gonna be bi (or at least implies bi) in the series, which puts a new twist on a few things.

now, besides the bi coloring in the background of the toy box performance (which was mostly on scenes with her and regina, which involved a lot of uh,, lowkey lewd dancing. with each other. in very revealing outfits. wooooo), there's her music! I dont tend to read too much into this one bc, like I said before, her coding is fucking light and the writers themselves said they didnt really get to do much with it, but I think some stuff with her music is interesting. specifically how her, yolanda and regina's song set me free blew up because dizzee, resident (lowkey enby coded) bicon, got their song played in a queer club. also that the song was majorly important to dizzee and started playing literally right as he kissed a boy for the first time and realized "oh shit I like boys that's bonkers". also that the song can be taken in a gay way since literally the entire thing is about becoming your true self, fully and unapologetically, which is what both dizzee and mylene's entire character arcs are about. dizzee (and a lot of other queer people, apparently), heard this song about being set free and it resonated with them so much that they got that shit most of its popularity.

speaking of dizzee and mylene, they parallel each other a lot in the way that their arcs are about them realizing who they are, coming into themselves and no longer just letting people treat them like shit in a sense (dizzee starting to tell people essentially that they can call him weird all they want, they can make fun of how he acts, what he likes, how he dresses, etc. but he likes how he is and quite literally saying "it's okay to be an alien" as he has consistently compared himself to one throughout the show vs mylene learning that if she wants to be a disco singer she needs to put her foot down, not let anyone, not even the love of her life, not even her abusive father, stop her from achieving her dreams, etc. and continuing to pursue her career with or without their support). one more little parallel that I think is interesting is during I think s2 towards the end of the show is when dizzee and thor are shown together having fun with each other, painting all over the building and each other and are basically just being happy and in love together and then they have these clips of them being interspersed with clips of mylene at a party where she is starting to realize that if she wants to get anywhere she needs to be her own main priority and that she needs to put her career and her dream, which is what makes her the happiest, above all else if she wants to succeed. idk I just think how the show made these two into a weird parallel, accidental or not, is neat. maybe not an explicitly queer parallel, but I think at least how her music and whatnot helped dizzee, the main queer character in this show, blossom, is important.

moving on we got shaolin fantastic also known as "oh no your internalized homophobia is showing-"

so, heres a quick list of...interesting shao facts:

Consistently referred to as fag/faggot (shaolin fanfaggot is my personal favorite); he gets really defensive about this despite nobody actually thinking he's queer, it's just people being assholes to be assholes, and he is the only character consistently referred to using a slur, especially a homophobic one, especially for a "straight" character. dizzee, a canonically queer character, is called a fag less than shaolin is even though dizzee actively goes to gay clubs, has a not so secret dude he "hangs out with" and wont let anyone properly meet, paints his nails, wears less than straight clothes even by the 70s standards and is just all around the definition of fucking queer (and I mean like in the weird way, not the gay way). in fact theres only like once I can remember him being called a fag and it had nothing to do with him actually being gay it was literally just like thrown out there the same way you would call someone a bitch.

Has only shown sexual interest in women, yet refuses to have deeper relationships with women in general (possibly because of trauma but who knows) but takes his relationships with his "brothers", specifically zeke, very seriously

Tells zeke and zeke ONLY his real name when zeke was planning to stop being his friend bc shao more or less got boo boo, a like 14 year old black kid, arrested for selling hard drugs; he was clearly scared and trying to do anything to keep zeke around, literally chasing him down the street and hounding him until he got zeke to stop and argue with him

Kept threatening to beat up zeke in the end but couldn't actually bring himself to do so, instead saying that zeke is "fucking lucky" before walking away

Let's zeke get away with things that nobody else can, in general just has a weird soft spot for ezekiel that he shows with nobody else

when shao found dizzee with thor in a vaguely compromising situation (like they were just shirtless covered in paint sleeping next to each other but shao had also seen everything they painted on the walls ((which some of it was sus)), it was clear they had painted on each others bodies and dizzee had been routinely disappearing with this guy for weeks now yet not producing nearly as much art, at least, as far as we audience members know) he didnt judge him but instead, waited for him to get cleaned up and then told him something along the lines of "theres a reason why im so secretive blah blah blah [not everyone needs to know everything about me]", which, in context, kinda implies that he might be a lil. a lil homiesexual. jus a lil.

whenever even the possibility of zeke leaving him comes up he absolutely loses it. he has literally cost ezekiel life changing opportunities because he thought zeke would just up and leave him for them. this could be abandonment issues bc he's a severely traumatized character, and that probably does contribute to it, but it also is just not a reaction he has to any of their other friends just randomly dipping in and out of his life soooooo

generally speaking, this mfer has got either bisexual with a big hard on for zeke coding or homosexual with terrible internalized homophobia and still a hard on for zeke coding. either fucking way, that nigga gay. he gay as hell. gay as fuck man. there wasn't really much to analyze here tbh bc the coding is just so fucking obvious if you look for it or you are/have been a gay person who's dealt with at least a little bit of internalized homophobia.

also, just a sidenote, idk how fucking old shao, but I'm praying hes like at max 19 bc I'm pretty sure zeke is a minor in this show and shao definetly is not so the whole him being heavily implied to have a crush on ezekiel thing is kinda. oof. not oof if zeke is like 17 but any younger than that? OOF.

edit: apparently the characters are only supposed to be a year apart in age but i had no clue about that before writing this post and since shaos age was never actually stated in the show i naturally assumed he was an adult since his actor Looks Like An Adult. this is definetly on me to a certain extent, but i also never saw anything about this when trying to find our their ages so 🤷‍♀️ maybe i just didnt look deep enough, sorry!

now moving on to the main event...marcus dizzee kipling :]

so, first things first, let's talk enby coding bc him being bisexual was already confirmed!

um, to start off, I just wanna say I dont think this enby coding was intentional or even really coding, it's just moreso me being a dizzee kin on main and knowing as a transmasc enby he has very transmasc enby vibes. for example:

cool, gender neutral nickname that everyone calls him

paints nails various different colors

the whole wardrobe is just a transmasc enby heaven...fishnet shirts, jean overalls, jackets and cuffed pants galore, the big colorful pins, etc

gender neutral hairstyle (when I had my fro it was very sexy and made it easy to transition between hyper masc and vaguely fem, which is pog)

comparing himself to/representing himself consistently with an alien character (though this is meant to represent his sexuality, it could also double as a gender thing too, not neccesarily bc of the whole nonbinary alien trope but bc an enby who likes aliens might heavily identify or compare themselves to whatever their idea of an alien is, whether that just be a genderless entity or a motherfucker with fly style and no need to be perceived as anything other Wacky As Hell)

moving on from there, let's talk about how his queerness is presented to us and how, while it may be a really good piece of representation, especially coming from netflix, it still lacks in A Lot of places.

so, let's start with good things!

i personally really like the get down's queer rep with dizzee bc it's (for the most part) nonsexualized and very very soft, about dizzee figuring himself out and realizing there is a place where he fits in, and about two teenagers in the 70s falling in love over their shared passion for street art. it also features an interracial couple where both boys challenge stereotypes both about queer men and men of color, which is epic poggers and very sexy. this piece of rep specifically is very important to me bc I am a queer black person and even tho interracial relationships are mostly normalized now, I've still had people give me shit for primarily dating white people in a town that is...primarily white lol

mm anyways, I can also appreciate how in the get down, dizzee being represented by rumi the alien is not a thing specifically related to gender (as it often is) and instead is about his sexuality and just in general weirdness and how it has led to him being alienated amongst his peers, poc or otherwise. him seeing himself as an alien is not about just his queerness, which is important, it is about him being a queer black man who talks different, acts different, dresses different and is "soft"—he isnt a walking black male stereotype and he wouldnt have been seen as masculine back in the 70s by any stretch of the imagination. this can be relatable to a wide spectrum of queer poc, from queer black men currently who still have to deal with this shit or to people like myself who are afab neurodivergent mixed race enbies that have always been signaled out as weird and alienated for it. dizzee is god rep bc while he has a small part in this show, his parts are very impactful, hard hitting and show queer poc of all ages that they arent alone and that it's okay to "weird", you just need to embrace it because somebody will love you for you, as thor did for dizzee.

that being said theres um. some minor problemas here,,,

namely:

dizzee and thors first kiss

the lack of development this pairing got

the way dizzee was confirmed bisexual off screen, he never said the words himself, just showed interest in both genders

the way dizzee and thor were never even confirmed boyfriends or just fwb so most of the fandom just calls them boyfriends bc Why Not

dizzee was implied fucking DEAD??? AT THE END OF THE SERIES?????? AND THOR WAS IMPLIED ARRESTED?????????????

now, these might have been things that wouldve been fine had the show been given it's full run but it wasnt which is why we are now left with probelms.

so, from the top, let's go over these: dizzee and thor's first (and only "on screen") kiss was one that was shown in a montage of other queer people making over and doing other vaguely romantic/sexual things, one of those things being a whole ass naked titty being mouthed at, but the actual kiss...was just not shown? like they really did just say "yes they kissed <3 you know this from the context clues of it being in a montage with kissing, hickey giving and titty sucking <3 but no we will not show it <3" LIKE HELLO? I SAW A NAKED BOOBIE BUT NOT TWO MEN KISS??? HUH????????

also, dizzee and thor were both fucking high as hell during this bit like this isnt a terrible thing but it's also like sometimes you do shit when you're high that you wouldnt do sober and they just never kissed again on screen so like?? like idk that's not that bad but it does kinda irk me since they deadass got no other on screen intimacy after that unless you including painting on eacher other or sleeping next to each other on a shitty mattress but not touching at all during it bc they were both at opposite ends of the mattress like half way off it

so yeah, that was trash. then we got lack of development, which kinda goes with the "dizzee being a bisexual but he never says it in canon" thing cause like...okay dizzee was already sort of a side character from the get go like he wasnt the mc by any means, but he became way more of a background character as things continued until we basically only saw him for performances or when he was with thor, yet they got no fucking development as a pairing other than "dizzee realize he gay, he like thor, he and thor spend time together and ig probably do some gay stuff but we dont really know bc we only ever see them do graffiti together now" like?? tf am I supposed to do with that shit. answer. quickly. and then theres dizzee not being confirmed bisexual, which is just a running problem with shows literally doing everything to say a character is bi except for having the character just...say they're bi? which would be so easy? like a good way dizzee and thor couldve had some development is by thor teaching dizzee things about the queer community that he didnt even know existed, thor couldve helped him understand what being bi meant and helped him label himself and whatnot but instead we got an off screen confirmation that the writers had bisexual in mind when writing him. which is garbagé.

the whole thor and dizzee never having a confirmed relationship status is also a development problem cause like literally nobody knows if they were just friends who made out, maybe fucked, who knows, or if they were dating bc dizzee does give a love confession but a love confession doesn't mean there is a relationship, especially since thor didn't say he was in love either (as far as I remember, I could be wrong, plus whether or not that really happened or was apart of dizzee literally overdosing during a performance is unclear so 🤪)

and now for the biggest issue...bury your gays trope.

during the season 2 finale, dizzee and thor are chased by cops after they are found doing graffiti, one of the cops is able to catch thor while the other chases dizzee into a train tunnel and there is a train seen headed straight for him before the show cuts to black on a train horn. the show writers claim that if they had gotten another season, dizzee wouldve been alive but since they didnt and since that's essentially super fan trivia knowledge, most people dont fucking know that and instead had to watch a black queer teenager chose death over being fucking arrested by a white cop. on top of that, thor didnt see any of that shit because he was caught and the cop started hauling him off while dizzee was still being chased so thor literally has no clue where his friend/possible boyfriend fucking is or that he's likely dead in a goddamn tunnel all alone, unless you count the fucking pig that chased him in there who wouldve died too. this shows rep was so fucking good as far as most shows go on not having major fucking problems, on not being toxic and over sexualized, etc, etc. and then they just. killed a black queer teenager for no fucking reason. like it was literally the last episode ever, it would add nothing to the plot, it would just devastate fans and devastate it fucking did. I dont cry easy but seeing a character I identified with, who I had hyperfixated on, die because he'd rather that than be arrested is terrible. it fucking sucked.

so yeah. that's my all too extensive thoughts/analysis on the get down's queerness. theres definitely stuff I missed, or misinterpreted, or looked too much into, etc, etc., but this was a fun thing to spend time writing sooo yeah!! thanks for the ask anon, sorry this was just a big rambley info dump, but hopefully you get some enjoyment out of it since it took like 3 hours at least 😭😭 feel free to ask clarifying questions lol

[struckbyelectriclove]

5 and 6 for Kat and Merula? ╰(*´︶`*)╯♡

(IM SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG,,,, under the cut bc it is quite long fjdnnd)

5. What activities do they enjoy together?

oooo good question!!! first and foremost, if we’re talking activity-activity, then they enjoy dueling each other a whole lot! at least at school, they’re in the dueling club at least three times a week, not always dueling each other, but definitely watching the other and noting down their spell choice and footwork and such to possibly critique if they ask for it (and also to you know. stare. because they’ve both got their sleeves rolled up and they are sweaty. it’s gay). if they are dueling each other, than get ready for an intense match up! luckily the wards are in place so that they don’t hurt anyone else, and that they both have a firm grasp of the rules so they don’t hurt each other too bad (and also they’d feel really guilty about it, though how quickly they make up does depend on the person and also the spell they happened to use fudnjdkd) so it’s usually just a straight fun where they have a lot of fun!! their relationship kinda started with dueling after all, so it’s a little fitting that they’d both come to love dueling the other!

if we’re talking just leisurely activity, i think they would really enjoy just. walking around with the other? probably in hogsmeade, and definitely holding hands (if there’s not many people around, at least at first! they don’t need to talk much, though they usually do (which is mostly just kat rambling abt the newest magical theory she read about in a book and how it can be applied to other concepts to make it either easier to grasp, a more functioning theorem, or in some cases, both! and merula looking at her with that fond “you’re such a nerd” look in her eyes) but when they don’t feel like talking they just amble around in comfortable silence,,, it’s nice and sweet. they just really like to be around each other, even when they’re not really doing anything that warrants being around the other.

6. What is/are their love language(s)?

ooo okay,,,, first off, kat has a few love languages (does this mean she’s technically bilingual? i mean she’s bilingual anyways so like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯) but mainly her two favorites are touch and sharing food! she’s a really naturally affectionate person, and she’s also a bit touch-starved, so she really likes to be with merula and hold her hand or bump her shoulder with her own or rest her chin on her head (that ones usually just to be an asshole about her height tho lol),,,, the possibilities are endless. whether merula reciprocates these touches depends on what stage their relationship is at atm, since early on she’d probably tug her hand away or step away from her if they’re in public, but if it’s later she just lets it happen. she’s made some peace with the fact that she’s a massive sap (so is kat lmao) and she doesn’t mind it much if they’re in public anymore djndnd!! kats other love language is sharing food, specifically fruit because it’s her favorite. oranges are especially her favorite, and i’ve got this weird vision in my head of them around winter holidays when they both stay in the castle and merula is sitting in the courtyard and watching it snow and kat just shuffles up to her with half an orange and she takes it, and kat sits on the ground and leans her head into merulas knees as she eats her own half,,,, it’s just really soft fjdndndn

for merula, i actually think she’d be pretty verbally affectionate? at least later down the line, and often only behind closed doors. she loves to call kat beautiful and watch her blush and stammer and tug at the back of her hair,,, she just lives for her reaction alright it’s a whole thing. eventually she works her way up to be able to do it in public without caring that she sounds like a romantic and it’s all downhill for kat,,, her poor heart she can’t take compliments normally but compliments from her girlfriend? especially these kinds of compliments? forget it, her whole face and the tips of her ears are redder than tomatoes,,,, merula i know you love her but please she’s dying over there!!! i feel like she’d also like physical affection as well? i feel like she’s touch-starved like kat is, and when they’re behind closed doors she is very reciprocative of all the cuddles and kisses her girlfriend can dish out, which is a lot. she likes to lay down with kats head on her chest while she reads like. those weird mom romance novels with the curly font titles? she doesn’t read them out loud, but like,,,, it’s a show of trust,,,,,, she knows kat won’t make fun of her for it (partially bc if she does, then merula just has a mountain of embarrassing things that she does to counteract it fjdndk)

[the-paper-furler]

FYI: I kinda hate this post now.

Headcannons for Animal Academy characters and why. (mostly just sexuality headcannons tho, bc I'm not the most creative).

- Miiko is a lesbian: Evidence: 1. she states at end of report 1-2 that Neko's smell (she's got a strong nose bc she's a transforming cat), not only doesn't bother her, but calms her down and that she stopped being anxious when she learned she and Neko would not only be in the same class, but roommates... that's some sapphic stuff right there. 2 Neko is one of two characters that Miiko has neither tried to slap, or flat out insulted or just said she hated (I only include that last one for Yusuke's sake). 3, When Kotaro confesses to her in volume three, Miiko states she likes someone else, it's implied to be Teruo, as we learn in volume 6 that he was her owner. But I personally think it's Fune/Neko. Also in a way, Teruo is more like a fatherly figure... 4. In volume two, Miiko goes out of her room to look for Neko in the middle of the night, simply bc she wasn't in their room. 5. when she learns what the term 'bride' means, she thinks it's weird/just finds Kotaro's confession meh. 6. literally everything that happens in the damn manga.

- Kotaro is omni or pan, but doesn't use labels: this one is more just from a character stand point. I mean clearly he's bi+. But he doesn't strike me as the type of person to use labels. Like if anyone asked him are you gay, or bi, or straight, or anything, he'd say no. Even if he's been in romantic relationships w/ people before. Because he just doesn't think that way, like in volume three when Neko and Yuichi tease him abt how a fox and a cat can't get along, and he just says, "but I don't like cats, just Miiko".

-Sasuke is aromantic: This one is based on interpreting certain sences from a different pov, but there is solid logic to it. 1, in volume six, after Neko confesses to Sasuke (something he's suprised by), Yusuke confronts him in his room. During this incounter, he (Sasuke), never mentions how he feels abt this, just that Yusuke pushed her to do it, likely in somekind of bad deal. Yusuke, meanwhile, taunts him, telling him he can't turn her down without hurting her feelings, and that "if you don't care, then maybe I should take her", after which Sasuke grabs his brother by the collar, and just looks at him in the eyes w/ a pissed expression. The panel that follows is just Yuichi saying "Oh, so you do care". It's vague enough that you can view it from the perspective of a straight guy, getting mad that his brother might take away the girl he likes. Or from the pov of someone who doesn't want his friend getting hurt (in multiple ways), by his brother, who could debatably be called a sociopath, or an impulsive imp. Along w/ the fact that up until this point he's just kinda played along w/ his brother's antics. 2, I just really prefer Sasuke and Neko as friends okay. 3, also from volume six, we learn from Yusuke that the reason why he's so deicated to protecting Neko is that he has rock bottom self estem, that he genuionly wouldn't mind dying O-o. I shouldn't have to explain that one... 4, Even the wiki agrees! "Neko has a crush on Sasuke and confesses to him, but he's extremely dense in love and doesn't really notice anything different about her." HE'S DENSE BC HE DOESN'T VIEW PEOPLE IN ROMANCTIC WAY!

- Umeka is bi: I mean just look at her (this would be the part where I show a picture, but she's not on any of the front covers and I'm not using my ipad... but just trust me. She ain't straight)

- Yuichi and Neko are bi: I'm putting these together, 'cause lazziness. 1. it's established in volume that they have crushes on eachother. And they are both VERY close to their roommates...

- Zenda is gay and Manjiro is pan: w/ M, he just love cats, and tells Zenda at one poit that he should drop his form. Z and M: they're prez and vice prez of the ninja club, and I just think they're gay for eachother 'kay.

possible trans characters: Yuichi: he's says he needs to figure out who he is at the end of volume 3, maybe that includes gender. Neko: gets nicknamed Fune, has rlly short hair, if you think hard enough, you could write a whole saga abt Fune realizing their gender identity, and coming out/just asking the school for the male uniform. Miiko: Teruo probs didn't check to see which parts Miiko had before giving her her name.

[bloody-wonder]

Every time I read a fic where Nicky just inexplicably ~understands~ Andrew or is the one to explain Andrew’s actions *TO* Neil, my suspension of disbelief automatically snaps. I get that people want to like Nicky and therefore make their versions of him more palatable for themselves, but it’s annoying. That’s not who he is. He doesn’t make any more of an effort to understand Andrew than anyone else and he doesn’t have an inate knack for it either, which some fics would have me believe

the all consuming, uncritical, absolutely blind love for nicky in the fandom is one of my biggest pet peeves. welcome to another rant.

i remember when i read aftg for the first time and dived into the tumblr fandom i very much expected to see posts calling him out at for what he did during their first trip to eden’s bcs isn’t it the bread and butter of tumblr discourse - taking one problematic thing a character did and cancelling them for it forever. however i was surprised to find not a single such post. seriously i’ve been in the fandom for almost a year now and i have been lurking on the old blogs and following the new ones and i have yet to see such a post. here’s the one i wrote back then

https://bloody-wonder.tumblr.com/post/189107928398/so-nicky-discourse

there i mostly talk about the eden’s incident but the point i tried (and probably failed) to get across was not that what he did is Problematic but rather that why he did it is. bcs like with roland it’s self-evident that nicky did a bad thing and it’s also framed as such by the narrative. but taken out of context this single incident can be easily dismissed as a mistake commited by a young inebriated person which they realized was a mistake and apologized for. the fandom is certainly ready to dismiss it and to accept nicky’s apology to neil. fair enough. in fact it would be an example of some very mature thinking on the part of the fandom - if the context of nicky’s behavior and personality wasn’t discarded along the way.

and the context is this: nicky has very rigid and one-sided views about what’s normal and what’s not and he acts accordingly. he thinks it’s normal to feel attraction like he does and to strive for a romantic relationship - hence the “neil you have to date someone or you’ll die unhappy” pep talk. he thinks it’s normal to casually kiss a guy he likes at a club despite him being very obviously uninterested. he thinks it’s normal to comfort people by touching them, so he will do it to andrew although it’s common knowledge that andrew doesn’t like to be touched. when andrew lashes out at him for it - it must mean andrew’s not normal bcs “normal” people like to be touched. andrew doesn’t behave like a “normal” person would, ergo andrew’s crazy. how do we “fix” andrew? how do we make him “normal” again? apparently by forcing “normal” things and behaviors upon him until he’s magically healed by the abundance of care and hugs.

instead of trying to understand andrew and connect with him “from below”, he’s dead set on imposing “normalcy” on him “from above”. like i said in my old post, he doesn’t even seem to give andrew credit for defending him against those jerks and winding up on the pills bcs of it. nicky just doesn’t get andrew to the point of calling him soulles, but seems to be under the illusion that he does everything in his power to understand him. well, on second thought, is it in his power though? i had some hope that after nicky finds out about the nature of andrew’s trauma, he’ll realize some things and his treatment of andrew will change. that didn’t happen as far as i remember. when the gang returns from the easthaven with andrew, nicky’s like “andrew won’t you ask neil why he’s all beaten up? well that’s just rude”. in fact, now i’m remembering that nicky and aaron were telling everybody that andrew’s much worse when sober but?? what’s worse about him? that he isn’t smiling at them? what a scary behavior indeed. or that he isn’t chatting with them? well it’s their problem that they aren’t as stellar conversationalists as neil. i digress. what i’m getting at is that it may very much be not in nicky’s power to understand andrew bcs they are very differend people and come from different circumstances. i’m not saying that you can’t write a plausible arc where nicky learns to communicate with andrew but most people don’t even try. as far as i understand nicky is seen as nothing but kind and if sometimes he makes mistakes, well, they don’t count bcs his intentions are good. but there’s a road paved with good intentions. you know where it leads.

that’s the insidious thing about nicky, that’s why i think he’s one of the most well-crafted morally grey characters and why he fills me with rage - the problematic side of him is hidden beneath the good intentions, the kindness, the jokes, all the other little things that make him nice and relatable, that the fandoms tend to latch on to. we have no problem engaging with characters like andrew critically, it’s easy for us to separate his good sides from his flaws bcs he’s upfront about it. we sure love andrew but we don’t romanticize his bad boy attitude and his knives bcs the media shift in recent years has taught us that “bad” boys tend to be Problematic and you have to watch out. andrew is hard to swallow so you swallow only if you absolutely want to, but nicky is so palatable you don’t even have to drink anything to wash him down, all the while oblivious to what you just swallowed. the “good” boys you have to be critical of as well.

sorry, this metaphor was weird.

lastly, we have to address the elephant in the room - nicky’s gay as the fourth of july. he’s the uwu gay cinnamon roll that has to be protected at all costs. we’re still at a point where, despite gradually getting more and more media rep, gay people feel like the characters they’re represented by have to be paragons of virtue lest the general public think that all gays are like this one imperfect character. so i can see how the aftg fans would want to overlook all nicky’s flaws because they like him and relate to him so much. i can also see how, if he were straight but otherwise retained the uuh... lets say “sexually enthusiastic” facet of his canon personality, he’d probably be burned at a stake by now. there’s this wonderful trend where people rehabilitate seth and aaron by treating them as complex characters. i can only hope that the same thing will happen to nicky some time soon.

so yeah, i 100% agree with all you said. nicky doesn’t understand andrew and the fics where he magically does are ooc. or, you know, those where nicky explains demisexuality to neil. don’t. make. me. laugh. nicky who has forced himself on neil and when that ended in a disaster tried to allo-splain the joys of a romantic relationship to him? nicky, who, upon seeing that neil doesn’t seem to be interested in girls, thought that the only possible conclusion must be that neil’s gay? all of this after neil explicitly told him that he doesn’t “swing”. i’m sorry, writers who hc nicky as some kind of wisened by life sexuality mentor, but he doesn’t know a thing about the ace spectrum.

tl;dr nicky really needs to do some self-reflection but, since he isn’t a real person but a fictional character, the readers need to reflect upon his canon behavior instead, before declaring him to be the kindest, most perceptive and tolerant person in existence. 

[babygirljoelmiller]

feeling kinda lonely and sentimental. long rambling about missed connections and friends who could have been best friends. or maybe people who were best friends for a short period of time, in a certain context when the stars aligned just right, but then drifted away. 

tldr: i fall in love with my friends too fast, in the friend-way, and i like when guys can drive me places. 

i thought a little bit too hard about people who i clicked with really hard, but for one reason or another, we never got much further than hanging out one or two times. mostly because i met them all in my last two quarters of college, and then graduated a quarter early. 

this one guy alejandro was in two of my classes, a year apart, and then left to study in DC for a quarter. we would sit together to exchange notes, and then walk together to the campus bus stop after. while he was away, he would send me updates about his internship and all the cool stuff he was doing around the city, because i was planning on going to DC the following quarter. he knew i was learning how to roller skate, and told me about good spots that he found while skateboarding. he even connected me to one of the friends he made who lived in DC, and she invited me to a party and showed me around town when i got there. 

we only really hung out once outside of school. it was during the one week we were both back on campus, before i left for DC. he picked me up from campus and we drove around along the beach for a while in his big pickup truck. he brought me to his favorite thai place and told me how excited he was for me to experience all the things that he did and more and in DC. 

he was such a ray of sunshine. he was so interesting and easy to talk to, and just fun to be around. we still keep in touch on ig and reply to each other’s stories sometimes. he offered to teach me how to surf. he doesn’t live too far away now, but i think i’m never going to see him again. 

--

one of the friends i made in DC was sadies. i was still questioning my bisexualness at this point, and they talked to me about their own experience being nonbinary and gay. they brought me along with all the other gay interns when they went out for drinks after work, and they helped me have my first positive experience going to a club (a GAY club). i had never been around people who were (this) gay, or who actually liked going out dancing just to dance. i never felt comfortable going out with my regular college friends (maybe bc they were straight and drank too much), but idk. i just had so much fun and i felt safe around them. 

we were interns at the same org, but in different departments. we had a bit of a reputation as a tag team because our supervisors were friends too so we worked together and went out on joint assignments a lot. 

i never learned all the details, but they ended up having to go home halfway through the semester because (i think) their mom was diagnosed with some kind of cancer and they wanted to be there to help out. i didn’t really get to say goodbye because they flew back to california the day they got the diagnosis. again, we follow each other on ig and text sometimes, but they’re not very active on social and we just don’t have much to talk about now that school and work are over. 

--

ok this is the last one. this guy lane (yes, like a bike lane. that’s his name) was my co-intern at a different org during school, and we had one class together. he’s the whitest, straightest frat bro i’ve ever met but i feel like i got closer to him in the few months we worked together, than i ever really go to the friends i do still keep in touch with. 

we worked really late nights and had to travel around the county a lot. he had a car so he would give me rides, and i would pay for food once a week when we had to stay out late. we did develop a little lunch routine after the class we had together, where we would just kind of wander around after class until we decided where to eat. we would talk about being sad a lot, but it wasn’t draining like when i would talk to my other friends. sometimes he would give me one of his airpods during lunch, and he would play me the newest sad (and sometimes not sad) songs that he found. we would also sing (scream) along to really loud music in his car, and i cried more than once from laughing at his jokes. 

he was a year below me, so the week before my graduation we got brunch together at this little cafe by the beach. we walked around along the water and did the airpod thing again, but we listed to our favorite songs that we found together over past few months. 

we do not keep in touch now. i feel like he kind of had a crush on me, and then he moved on when i graduated. or it’s bc i graduated and that’s just what happens. 

--

idk. this all feels like a dream now. i’m two years out of college and i’m probably never going to see these people again. maybe i’ll try talking to them once covid stuff is over. 

i was really sad during college. i had a lot of fun with my friends though, and it’s nice to look back and know that i was loved.

[therinreport]

i've had so many people tell me the office is a straight show and parks and rec and community are gay shows, and i won't necessarily disagree, bc yeah, i honestly feel the same way. but i also think that that's interesting, bc i think in a lot of ways p&r and community aren't actually all that much more progressive than the office when it comes to lgbtq+ representation.

like, let's look at the gay characters in these shows. p&r has no long-term, narratively important queer characters as far as i remember. there were april's boyfriend and his boyfriend, craig, and those penguins. according to the wiki, jean ralphio was bi (?), which i didn't even remember. most of these are basically played for laughs—the closest any of these characters get to being a serious character is craig, who is only in the final few seasons and isn't all that major.

next, community. the dean's flamboyance is mostly played for laughs, his costumes and drag are always jokes, and, most relevantly, he's creepy with jeff. he touches him randomly and without consent, constantly flirts with him when jeff is a student and he's an administrator, he blackmails jeff into spending the day with him (studies in modern movement), and he moves into the condo next to jeff's (i think this is in history 101). i've sen this sort of thing called out for a lot of shows, most notably in glee, which is also a gay teacher being creepy to a student (albeit in a high school rather than a community college, which changes the ages), but never in community. there are some good things—i think s6ep4 "queer studies & advanced waxing" has a brilliant way of exploring tokenization and the ways labels don't always fit people's full experiences. the other instances of gay characters are fairly lackluster—they pull that thing where a character comes out at the very end of a show's run with chang, which i've always thought was sort of a cheap joke, and other characters are often called gay or implied to be gay by other characters (britta, troy and abed, frankie), but none of those characters end up being canonically queer in the show. troy and abed do have a relationship that many interpret as queer, however, which i feel warrants mentioning.

then there's the office, where we have oscar. oscar is confirmed to be gay fairly early in the show's run (s2ep13 "the secret"), then forced to come out in s3ep1 "gay witch hunt". characters are certainly weird to him about it, but the joke generally seems to be on the people making fun of him; for example, in "gay witch hunt", when michael kisses oscar, it's pretty clear that the audience is supposed to be solidly on oscar's side. there are also a few nice moments; one that stands out to me is the time darryl gets defensive against a homophobe when paired up with oscar in s9ep16 couples discount. of course, later they do the whole gay senator thing, which is a little annoying (the whole duplicitous gay conservative politician is kind of a tired trope, and there are a bunch of things in the senator that you could probably get hung up on), but overall i would maybe say that the office has better gay rep than p&r and community (i'd say it's almost definitely better than p&r).

anyway, this makes me wonder why others have told me that community is a gayer show, and i think this comes down to two big things, which are 1) progressivism and 2) assimilationism.

progressivism is a bigger deal when it comes to contrasting p&r and the office. p&r is a very progressive show; leslie knope is a very progressive person, and since she's the main character, the whole show follows that bent (most other characters are also progressive, with the notable exception of ron swanson). the office is not; it's humor is often more offensive and edgy (which i think can partially be drawn back to the facts that it started airing in 2005 rather than 2009) and it's not set in a government environment; the show as a whole isn't really based on politics, and it doesn't explore the characters' political views all that often. i think it's this progressivism and political focus that people connect with gayness in p&r.

for community, i think the main way you can contrast it with the office is by looking at the long-running gay characters. oscar is gay, but he basically fits the mold of a straight character who dates men (a la love, simon). he says himself that "Besides having sex with men, I would say the Finer Things Club is the gayest thing about me." he is rarely shown being romantically interested in men, and rarely does anything else that might identify him as gay. the dean, however, is flamboyant, dresses in drag, is constantly shown to be interested in men, and is generally seen as gay by other characters. i think this creates a different attitude about queerness within the show: community's more questionable (in my opinion, at least) portrayal of flamboyant and obvious queerness is more attractive than the office's portrayal of accepting assimilated queerness. (we could also talk about how troy and abed seem to be relatable for gay people, but that's a whole different post.)

anyway, this isn't meant to flame any of these shows for their gay rep. i just think the differences between the attitudes we have towards them kind of reveals what makes us see tv shows as gay, and especially where that diverges from 1) what would be expected and 2) what tv writers may be trying to do.

[gra-sonas]

Alex Manes - an essay

Alright, my inbox is bursting with asks, and I’ll get to them (tomorrow, it’s almost midnight D: ), but I’ve been thinking about this all day while trying to work (had to get up and angrily pace my flat several times), and I had to write it all down to get it off my chest. (Also, I’m sorry, but once again Tumblr won’t let me add a Read More, after two attempts at creating new posts with a Read More, I’m giving up 🙈)

As viewers, we’ve been introduced to two different versions of Alex.

Alex at 17

wears mostly black

puts on nail polish, eyeliner and jewellery, including a stud earring and a septum piercing

loves skateboarding

plays the guitar

works at the UFO Emporium

his mom, a Native American woman from a New  Mexican tribe left the family when he was younger

has 3 brothers, presumably they’re all older than Alex

Alex at 27/28

a soldier, he’s been in the Air Force for a decade

a decorated purple heart airman with three deployments under his belt

an amputee, he lost part of his right leg in an attack in Iraq, sometimes uses a crutch

a codebreaker who's hacked into Russian and Chinese intelligence

a man who still dips fries into his milkshake

the nail polish, spiky hair, piercings and jewellery are gone

Alex wears fatigues occasionally, his civil clothes are mostly neutral colored shirts/jeans (until The Leather Jacket™ in 1x13)

we don’t know whether he still plays the guitar

his brothers are also all military, Flint (~2 years older than Alex) is a Special Forces Weapons Sergeant with the US Army

Quotes from/about Alex’s youth (incl. Jesse’s abuse)

1x01, Alex: "We're not kids anymore. What I want doesn't matter.“

✧→ 17 year old Alex hoped to escape his father one day, he dreamt of making music. His  hopes were shattered that day in the toolshed, and Alex hasn’t allowed himself to go for what he wants since then - including Michael.

1x02, Alex: “Made me think about... I don't know, who I was when this started. Before I went to war.”

1x05, Kyle: “Do you remember that night your dad made us set up that tent to teach us extreme weather survival?” Alex: “Yeah. Your dad had driven home for the night, so mine concocted a brand-new form of kiddie torture.”

1x05, Alex: “My dad was a homophobic, abusive dick."

1x05: Alex: “The dad I got was a monster. Is a monster.” Kyle: “Because he sent you off to war?” Alex: “My father was my war. And your dad saw it, when we were kids. Do you remember the summer - that we built the tree house?” Kyle: “Yeah.” Alex: “That's the summer that my dad found out I was gay. He knew before I did. He thought he could beat it out of me. Jim tried to intervene. But you can't make someone stop hating someone. And my dad hated me.”

✧→ Alex is talking about his father/childhood matter-of-factly, but the language he’s using to describe his childhood allows a glimpse at the hell he went through: torture (through extreme survival trainings), homophobic abuse, his dad is a monster, sent him to war, for years tried beating the gay out of Alex, Jesse hates him. This is not just a homophobic remark his dad made at the dinner table, this informs us about years of violence and abuse Alex endured at the hands of his father.

1x06, Alex: “Things at my house suck.“

✧→ Many teenagers will probably say this at some point while growing up, this isn’t about Alex being upset about a curfew, or having to do his homework tho. This is as much as Alex will disclose about the ongoing abuse.

1x06: Alex: “Dad, this has nothing to do with you.“ Jesse: “Everything you do... everything. And I will not be humiliated.“

✧→  This is Alex, terrified of what his dad might do. And he knows that Jesse will do something (he’s already picked up the hammer). Alex expects violence, because that’s what his dad has done to him numerous times. 😔

1x07, Mimi: "You look like your dad today." Alex: "Oh, good. I was hoping that the rage face might skip a generation."

1x08, Alex: “I've been looking for leverage my entire life.“

✧→ “My entire life”, a clear indication that having Jesse as a dad’s never been a walk in the park, Alex just got the special ‘anti gay’ treatment as a bonus when he got older.

1x08, Alex: “When I was...- I wanted to make music. You sent me to war.“

✧→ Alex at 17 wanted to make music, and although he never says it, I think it’s implied that he never planned to join the military. Jesse didn’t give him a choice though, he made Alex enlist, probably threatening him with what he’d do to Michael if Alex didn’t do as he was told.

1x08, Alex: "Why are you trying to frame Michael? Haven't you done enough to him?"

1x08, Alex: "Do not talk to me about unprovoked violence!"

1x09, Michael: "And what do you want to say, Alex?” Alex: That I loved you. And I think that you loved me. For a long time.” Michael: “Yeah.” Alex: "But we didn't even know each other that well, did we? I mean, we just, we-we connected, - like something… -“ Michael: “Cosmic.” Alex: "Yeah, but we didn't even do that much talking."

1x10, Alex: "My dad is a bigot with no moral compass."

1x12, Flint (to Alex): "You ever get tired of being the black sheep of the family?"

1x13, Alex: "Look... I shouldn't have left you behind when I enlisted. I could... I could stand here and tell you that I didn't want to leave, but I did. After what my dad did to you, I just, I... I wanted to be the kind of person who won battles. But now I-I look in the mirror, and I-I don't even see myself sometimes. I see my father. I'm still fighting his battles. Not mine."

✧→ It’s kinda implied that Alex never wanted to enlist, but once Jesse forced him to do it, he tried to make the most of it. He wanted to be the kind of person who won battles. He was also looking for leverage, something he could use to take his dad down.

✧→  Alex at 17 wanted to get out, he wanted to make music and live life his way. Since Jesse was going to beat him for being gay anyway, he’d at least wear what he wanted, put on make up, and wear jewellery. Jesse hadn’t manage to break Alex.

✧→ The shed incident changed everything, because someone else got hurt. And from Alex’s POV it was because of Alex. Because he’d been selfish. He’d wanted Michael. And because of that Michael got injured.

Now that we’ve established the basics, onto Carina’s statement.

“Alex was too ashamed of Michael  (not of being gay, which Maria knew, but of michael specifically) to name him to Maria for 10 years - until he saw Maria as a threat.” [x]

✧→ At 17, we saw how much Alex cared about Michael, that he wanted him safe and warm bc nights twere too cold to sleep in the car. That’s why Alex offered Michael to stay in the shed. He liked Michael, and he wanted to spend time with him. He even brought Michael a guitar bc he thought Michael would like to play. None of Alex’s behavior gives any indication that he was ashamed of Michael before the shed incident.

✧→ 17 year old Alex was afraid of his father, no surprise after years of abuse, but he also seemed confident, defiant even, believing he could handle it for a little bit longer until he’d finished high school and would finally be able to leave to make music. Despite living under Jesse’s roof, he dressed in all black, openly wore make up, nail polish, and jewellery/piercings, refusing to be another picture perfect son of his military father. We didn’t see it on screen, but given Jesse’s homophobic views, Alex’s behavior very likely caused his father to punish him in some way for it.

✧→  Then Michael kissed Alex at the UFO Emporium, Alex kissed back, one thing lead to another and they ended up at the shed where they had sex for the first time. It was Michael’s first time with a guy, we don’t know whether it was Alex’s first time tho. Alex still didn’t show any signs of being ashamed of Michael.

They were SO in love and happy in that moment. 🥺

✧→  When Jesse and the hammer happened, and it changed everything. Up until that moment, Alex had been used to his father’s abuse, he’d been strong enough, he’d been convinced he could take it, but this time someone else got badly hurt, and I think that broke something in Alex.

✧→  We never saw how things played out for Alex after Michael left the shed, all we know is that Jesse made Alex enlist. And given Jesse’s preference for blackmailing (he blackmailed Jenna, and Alex asked Flint what Jesse had on him) it’s probably fair to assume that Jesse threatened to go after Michael should Alex not do as he says.

Alex didn’t tell Maria for a decade because he was ashamed of Michael (at 17)?

Say what now???

There are several good reasons why Alex wouldn’t have told her, but shame isn’t one of them... I’m sure Alex thought of Maria as a trustworthy friend back then, but the most important reason why he wouldn’t reveal who ‘museum guy’ was would be the one the straight showrunner of the show’s apparently not aware of:

Alex would’ve outed Michael (without Michael’s consent I’d like to add) to Maria by telling her who it was. As a gay kid in 2008, I’m sure Alex was very well aware of LGBTQ etiquette, and the first rule of queer club is, you don’t out a fellow queer. And guess who’d just experience a brutal attack because he’s queer? Why would Alex ever consider outing Michael and potentially putting him at risk???

The outing reason alone would be enough to explain why Alex never told her who it was. And in 1x10 he didn’t outright out Michael either, Maria realized it was Guerin and Alex reluctantly confirmed (there was no way for him to plausibly deny it).

1x10, Alex: “It is just a standard, run-of-the-mill boy problem. Oh, come on. Don't give me psychic face, Maria.” Maria: “It's the guy from the museum, the one that kissed you into crazy stupid love when we were kids. He's back?” Alex: “Wha... How-how do you do that?” Maria: “You're just... I feel it, you're-you're hopeful, like you were before. Who is he? Come on, spill it. I've been waiting ten years for this. - Come on.” Alex: “You... you wouldn't believe it.” Maria: “It's not like you're hooking up with Wyatt Long or Michael Guerin or something. Geez. Please tell me you're in love with Wyatt Long. Wow.” Alex: “Michael's not so bad after a shower. But you know that.” Maria: “I had no idea...” Alex: “I know. I mean, how would you?” Maria: “It meant nothing, Alex. Seriously, I swear, it was just a drunk, dusty, no-good Texas rounder."

Another reason why Alex wouldn’t necessarily have told Maria: Alex was traumatized by what happened at the shed. This wasn’t just the ‘normal’ kind of abuse he endured on the regular (which is a boatload of trauma all of its own), someone else had been hurt, someone Alex liked, and because Alex liked him. On top of that Jesse likely threatened him. There’s no way Alex wasn’t scared and deeply traumatized. It’s fairly common that victims of abuse don’t tell anyone about it, out of fear even more bad things could happen, there’s surely also a lot of shame and self-blaming involved.

Alex also knew that Michael was homeless, and probably not yet of age. Jesse could’ve threatened Alex to put Michael back into the system or whatnot.

Absolutely NOTHING we’ve seen on screen suggests that Alex was ashamed of Michael when they were 17. Alex joined the military afterwards, and was away for a decade. Not many opportunities to talk about it to Maria, but again, the first reason (outing Michael) is a perfectly valid reason not to tell her for an entire decade. And this being a major trauma, Alex probably didn’t feel like opening that box again after such a long time.

And wow, claiming that Alex waited to tell Maria (which isn’t exactly what happened) because she felt threatened by her? Sure, Alex just waited for the right moment. 🙄

Is Alex ashamed of Michael at 27/28?

In 1x03 it seems like Alex let’s his father’s words get to him. “Seems to me the only one you're embarrassing is yourself, son.“ I’ve always interpreted this as a thinly veiled threat tho, and Alex, on instinct, immediately put distance between himself and Michael. Because before he talked to his father? Alex was perfectly happy to be seen with Michael, if he'd been ashamed, as Carina claims, he wouldn’t have approached Michael in public in the first place.

This is also how I read the scene in 1x02: “What happened at the reunion cannot happen again.“ In the pilot, Jesse had been part of the group of soldiers poking around Michael’s Airstream, and Alex saw the way his father looked at them talking. Then they kissed at the reunion, and I’m sure it felt so good and like coming home, but the fear of what Jesse could do if he found out was back the next morning, and Alex once more tried to put distance between himself and Michael to keep Michael save.

This is not an excuse for Alex pushing Michael away, not an excuse for Alex to call him a criminal either. That is absolutely shitty behavior and not okay. I just don’t buy this ‘Alex is ashamed of Michael’ shtick.

Friendly reminder that Maria did not only tell Alex in 1x10 “It meant nothing, Alex. Seriously, I swear, it was just a drunk, dusty, no-good Texas rounder.", here’s what she said in her next scene with Guerin:

1x10, Maria: “We're closed. - You found my necklace.” Michael: “Clasp broke. I fixed it. I think it calls for a celebration. And by celebration, I mean booze, preferably the free kind.” Maria: “Alex is one of my best friends.” Michael: “Congrats.” Maria: “I never would have slept with you if I knew you two had history. It can't happen again.”

So in 1x10 Maria

learned Michael is 'museum guy’

realized that Alex is in love with Michael (still), and hopeful

swore to Alex it was a one time thing and that it meant nothing

told Michael that Alex is one of her best friends (and you don’t go after your best friends’ love interests)

she would’ve never slept with Michael had she known

she also says it can’t happen again

And yet Carina’s surprised why many few fans don’t understand

what made Maria ignore Liz’s advice to talk to Alex (which would’ve been the fair thing to do, no one’s mad at Maria for catching feelings, it’s that she acted on them without talking to Alex first what upsets and angers people)

why Maria invited Michael to kiss her just 3 episodes later

why she’s still chasing after Michael 2 weeks later without having talked to Alex

she’ll continue to go after Michael but still won’t talk to Alex

and therefore some are having a hard time not to dislike Maria to some degree? Okay...

Either way, imo Alex was definitely not ashamed of Michael at 17, and I don’t see much evidence of him being ashamed of Michael at 27/28.

Apart from that, shame is for sure NOT the reason why Alex never told Maria.

Alright, this got LONG, but it I had to write it all down. I think I provided facts in the form of dialogue quotes. In addition, I’m sharing my interpretation of these facts.

I don’t claim that I’m right, I don’t claim that I know more than Carina (who seems to have forgotten some things she herself wrote tho), none of that. This is my interpretation of what happened, based on what we saw on screen, what’s been said by the characters, and what we know about the different characters involved.

I also don’t claim that Alex didn’t do anything wrong, that he’s a saint, or whatnot. But I strongly disagree with the notion that by not telling Maria Alex is somehow to blame for her going after Michael.

[ad0xa]

Shot story / dream.

Before I went to bed I had watched "Enola Holmes" on netflix and also a documentary about triplets separated at birth. And my brain did a really cool mashup. So I dreamt about this sort of... big complicated spy plot? Where one girl (it was me and not me at the same time) were investigating where her twin sister had gone. And she met a boy at the way of her investigating. And they fell in love while doing this search, they talked to and met up with professors and teachers and stuff. Also running from the "bad guys" who were trying to capture her. The thing was, that she and her sister had "special powers". She could like slow time? for short amounts? Or more like having super good reflexes so she could fight really well. Do these amazing jumps and balancing acts. And her sister was much weaker than her physically she had a power to "dream" about real life places and she and her sister could explore these places like they were real. (She could bring other people in to the dream) and when you woke up you would be back in your bed. This had made the two of them the "best spies ever" And they were working for the government or something similar. But now that her sister had disappeared she was suspicious about this government or organization or whatever. Some clues pointed to it being an inside job. And eventually she found this big place like a prison. But it labeled itself as a school? All of the girls were being trained in disguise, social shit and logical puzzles and stuff. And the boys were being trained just to be strong and fit. And I think all of them had some sort of small power of sorts? No power were like "I shoot fireballs!" it was more like things that were hard to explain but might be natural or... something? And so she found her sister there, but she was so weak she were just staying in this room in bed. It was like she had gotten weaker being away from her sister. Then, PLOT TWIST. The guy she had been with this whole time who she thought was just this random cool dude, was actually working for this organization. Not only that. But he had a twin too. I don't remember why this was clever tho. But something about them switching places and being able to be at two places at the same time and stuff like that. I had flashbacks where she would realize it was one or the other of them. 

This whole time the clues and things she found out had made her think that this organization had formed their “school” out of the dynamic she and her sister had. One really smart and clever one and one who was more fitted for fighting and action. (tho she obvs was clever too just not AS clever.) But it turned out that they had plans bigger than this. The twin boys were actually the "golden pair" they were PERFECT. Both could do action and had skills and cleverness. They had tried to kidnap the girls to train them to be as good as the boys and then have them couple up as a four-man operation. They had just realized that it was too hard to capture her bc of her powers, without it being a big scene somewhere. So they decided to just take one sister and basically hope that she would find her way to the location , but without actually knowing what was going on being mislead by the boys.  The school and how they trained the girls and the boys were just due to sexist stereotypes. The twin girls dynamic had nothing much to do with it. They might've inspired the scientist who came up with the plan but... it wasn't the reason they had wanted to kidnap them.

Now with this betrayal from the boys and everything a big fight ensued. One of the twin boys were actually in love with her and switched when he realized he couldn’t go through with this. He got hurt but retreated to where her sister was sleeping to help her escape.  She was stuck in this epic fight with the other twin. Who were much more cold and psychopathic for some reason. Typical “evil twin” plot haha. 

She managed to flee or subdue the guy, and joined up with the "good" twin brother and her sister. And they fled. They found some place to hide out and her sister did her dream thing for them to find out more. The twin brother twin sister project was a side project. The real big thing was this training school they had going. Were they were trying to "make" super spies. Making them pair up eventually. Not like romantic couples. But you got the feeling that they might've planned for people to actually fall in love and maybe have children.... so they could take those children eventually. But if this was a real plan it wasn't mentioned to anyone. Just that it was almost encouraged to date people from the "other" training camp. (Boys / Girls ) I remember a small sideplot about this big muscular dude who was gay and felt pressured to date a girl “just because” and how sad it was for both of them.  They clearly didn’t care about anything other than straight.  It was very cult-ish and strict in the school other than they were allowed to date.

But it went even deeper than that. They were also trying to "enhance" the natural powers of people. And sometimes it went wrong... They had this theory of everyone having a "true nature" and that it was from there the powers came. Like someone being a supernatural good swimmer had a "true nature" of being a fish or something. More of a soul / feelings thing I think. Not like otherkin but like... a natural aptitude?  But this feeling and state of being could take over and and change people.... horribly. So we found out about this one scandinavian girl (this all took place in the uk) that they had kidnapped bc she had powers. And she had turned in to this mermaid creature thing that needed blood to survive. She wasn't like, a conscious human anymore. But she could understand humans somewhat. She also laid a lot of eggs and it was super nasty bc they had unborn babies in them. (dunnu how the fuck that happened but..... ) And they had to keep killing off these creatures before they hatched. But they also wanted to study them. So she was mostly just laying in this pool of blood with weird wines coming out from under her, like she was this mix of different sea-creatures. Half of this information was found out by the dream snooping and half was talking to one of the doctors / scientists that were just like "I'm trying my best to treat these kids. Obvs I can’t expose the organization I work here, I think my time is best spent on trying to help these kids. " I was like... mmm I'm not sure but ok. And then he told me the bad news. He said "You know how your sister has been being weaker and weaker? Well... She's actually turning in to one of these beings. Her "true nature" is a sort of moth. She will be sleepier and sleepier until she becomes her "true nature" and then she will be lost forever. " Obviously this wasn't very nice to hear. But he promised to take care of her best he could if I brought her there, without the organization knowing. Bc her powers were sought after. So I / we did. Cause we didn’t know any other option. Also, I would totally kill the guy if I found out he was lying.  Then I set out to "destroy" this organization. Now I was working with the "good twin" like before but I didn't really trust him so he was mostly in the background doing small work. The organization was trying stuff with hypnotics and mind control. On the kids and on the public. They for one thing had this ad out for a big event they were going to have at disneyland? "Become a real princess"??-kind of thing. It was marketed as this event and club submission were they would choose "the best" out of all the people to take in to the club. It was really just a way to get as many people gathered at one spot so they could mind control them to be ok if their children were ever taken by the organization in the future. The princess stuff was like a plus for them, getting to maybe find some more subjects for the "school" they had since they had a shortage of girls. And I was working against the clock. I had infiltrated the "school" and had gathered some of the more critical students in a small club of sorts. The mind control was very prevalent in the school. They didn't want people to question why they were learning or doing these things. They certainly didn't want their full grown super-spies to think too much about what they were doing eventually either. But this small group of students wasn't effected by the hypnotic mind control shit, and they were questioning things. So I made some sort of plan (I think I drifted out and in of sleep some here, or I just wasn't interested in that part) and it was about to be carried out. But surprise surprise! The evil twin brother found out about it and epic fight scene ensued! I remember how weird it felt fighting someone I loved, and how alien it was like... he looked like him... but he wasn't him. And he almost defeated me but ofc.... his brother came to my rescue. And so they fought while I was trying to continue with the plan. (Pretty beaten up) I just remember going up and down these cold stone stairs in the castle (school/prison) and seeing in the distance the lightshow that was being done at the "princess" event. (I guess it was really close to disneyland haha) We shot something at the place like a laser or something? To shut down the tv-screen central thing that was doing the hypnotic stuff. And the event continued like planned but without the hypnotic thing happening to the public. Which they "the bad guys" didn't know about until it was over. We couldn't save the people who willingly had entered in to the "club" however. But we planned on rescuing everyone eventually. Shutting down the school. So it was a good win anyways. I returned to my sister to tell her the good news. But the doctor warned me that it wasn't looking good. He showed me to a barn outside of the sciency-building. And a small ladder lead up to a small attic space. It was light and the small dust particles made everything look weirdly glowy and fuzzy. My sister sat in the far end corner of the small space surrounded by big moths flying everywhere. It was creepy and beautiful at the same time. She had this cocoon like thing around her, looking very sleepy. But smiling at me. There were silk threads all over the place. She was soon going to cocoon herself in this silk thread completely. What she would turn in to... no one knew.

After that the dream basically ended. Or rather, it flowed in to another dream that had nothing to do with this plot.

[shy-marker-pliers]

High school AU thingamabob

Dark

17 year old senior

class president and is kinda high and mighty about it tbh

“yes i know student council can’t really make any changes without the input of the superintendent but IM THE PRESIDENT AND YOU’RE NOT SO SUCK MY DI-“

does sound/lights for all the shows the school puts on

dating wilford and no one knows how or why they’re together

had a deep as hell voice and a beard the second he hit puberty

takes every ethics/psychology class he can

wants to be a lawyer

that one kid that everyone fears but is actually kinda chill if not a little surly

wears a collared shirt and tie to school every day and would totally get made fun of for it if he wasn’t terrifying

listens to classical music unironically

“oh my god i’m so going to fail this test” *proceeds to get the highest grade in the class*

protector of the gays™️

person: *says something mean to a student because they’re lgbtq+*

Dark: *teleports in front of said student* omae wa mou shindeiru

Wilford

19 year old senior

Yes he still has the mustache

doesn’t give a fuck about what anyone thinks of him

deadass wore a dress to school after one of his friends got made fun of because she wore a suit to a school dance

b u f f a s h e l l

could bench press a teacher if he really tried

on the cheer team

“no i’m not wearing pants, this miniskirt makes my ass look great!”

everyone’s bodyguard

usually attracts a crowd of nervous underclassmen

has mild dyslexia

tol

gives his friends piggyback rides

president of the drama club

works hard enough in school to pass his classes but that’s pretty much it

sleeps in class

Bim

15 year old freshman

vice president of the drama club

wilfords shadow

first freshman to help run the drama club and shoves it in everyone’s face

shouts his gayness from the rooftops

secretly super insecure

loves plants and helps out in the schools greenhouse

named all of the plants but if you tell anyone he’ll stab you

gets mostly B’s and C’s

has mild ocd but not enough to affect him severely

talks like a game show host cause he thinks it makes him sound attractive

it doesn’t

Google(s)

16 year old juniors

identical quadruplets

they have to wear different colors every day or else no one knows which one is which

they’re called the googles because their backpacks match the colors of the chrome logo and they’re super smart

straight A 4.0 GPA students but Oliver has to try a little harder than his brothers

all of them are in the robotics team except for ollie

Blue works on programming and red and green are on the build team

Ollie is the sweetest day of sunshine to ever exist and everyone loves him

he’s basically adopted Eric as his lil bro

tutors people in the library every tuesday and thursday

the other googles disapprove of his relationship with bing but he makes ollie happy so they don’t do anything about it

they all work in a supermarket and they’re saving up for college

ollie wants to be a vet, red and green want to be engineers, and blue wants to be a web developer

Bing

17 year old junior

mostly A’s, a few B’s.

his full name is zachary bing but people call him bing because he’s always trying to one up the googles

dudebro

was pining after ollie for months before chase finally felt sorry for him and told ollie how he felt

they’re dating now and it’s adorable

so soft for his boyf

a really good skater and wins a lot of local competitions

doesn’t study but still gets p good grades

wears sunglasses all the time because he has light sensitivity

Has ADHD

s t r o n k

always challenges people to arm wrestle him

can sing really well and plays gitaur

shares a youtube channel with chase where they skate and to challenges and stuff

Dr. ipiler

18 year old senior

Everyone calls him doc because he helps the school nurse and takes every single biology and health class there is

all A’s

really wants to be a surgeon

best friends with Schneep

huge star trek/harry potter nerd (ravenclaw if you’re wondering)

almost always at schneep’s house studying or just chillin’

kind of a control freak

thinks he’s charismatic but he’s actually kinda annoying

but annoying in a funny way

has a pet ferret that he sneaks into school

feral

espresso and sugar flows through his veins

“i actually got a good sleep last night.” “oh really?” “yeah bro i got a whole half hour!”

super dark bags under his eyes

Host

17 year old junior

all A’s except for in gym class

he has eyes in this

his real name is Simon Charles Teller (there are specific meanings to those names btw look them up) but he’s called The Host because he does morning announcements every day.

has gold eyes and a lot of people find it unnerving

“hey i have a podcast you should totally listen to it”

nocturnal

spends all of his free time in the library

always reading in class but the teachers don’t really care bc his grades are good and he does his homework

wants to be an english/poetry teacher

crushing on the cute shy kid from his english class

doesn’t talk much but he’ll still be nice to you

that one kid who’s always correcting the teachers

Runs the D&D club (he’s the dungeon master)

Eric Derekson

16 year old junior

Mostly high B’s, a couple of A’s.

lives with his uncle mark after he ran away from his abusive dad and is living a happy life

the guy that always volunteers to take care of the class pets over the weekend

animals love him

has anxiety, mild paranoia and autism.

animals, harry potter, and pokémon are his hyperfixations.

he also really likes gardening

crushing big time on hostioli

spends his entire english class staring at him and blushing

is seriously considering joining D&D club just to be able to talk to him

he’s in the art club

wants to be a vet and maybe do some freelance art stuff on the side

Ollie keeps yelling at him to just ask host out already but he’s too nervous

my poor bb boi

Wears sweaters all the time

wears headphones to block out noise if it ever gets too loud at he goes into sensory overload

disaster bi

Yan

18 year old senior

gets C’s

non-binary

has a makeup tutorial channel on youtube and has a pretty decent following

That one weeb

dyes their hair a new color every week

also has a new crush every week

everyone knows who their newest victim is because they never stop watching them

draws anime or cute animals for every art class

wants to be a a fashion designer

does MMA

everyone kinda stears clear of them

writes their first initial along with their crush’s on every notebook they own

has gotten suspended for beating kids up on multiple occasions

doesn’t really have that many friends but they don’t mind

spends their lunches watching their crush

in the drama club and the art club

Randall Voorhees

18 year old senior

C’s and D’s

Eric’s cousin/bodyguard

they have a lot of the same classes and walk everywhere together

loves animals and has like 10 pet rats

he doesn’t really care about his grades because he knows that he wants to be a woodworker/construction guy

makes little houses out of scrap wood for his rats and Eric thinks it’s adorable

always sneaks his rats to school and lets them have play dates with dr. iplier’s ferret

“nO IM NOT RELATED TO JASON VOORHEES HES NOT EVEN REAL SO SHUT THE HELL UP-“

used to live in nyc in queens and still has a pretty strong accent

completely incomprehensible when he’s excited or angry bc of the accent

everyone is jealous of his hair

spends like 100 dollars on shampoo and conditioner and stuff but it’s worth it

acts like the straightest guy in existence but could not be more gay

his boots are always muddy

Yancy

16 year old sophomore

his name is Yancy Bird

g...get it? like jailbird? ahaha...ok i’ll stop

permanent resident of the detention room

but he gets to just chill out and read for an hour so he doesn’t really mind

mostly gets detention for beating up kids that bully others

fuck the system

always wears a leather jacket and blue jeans

“hey, the 50’s called and they want their-“ SMACK. “shut up.”

takes a lot of criminal justice and psychology classes ironically

in the botany club but if you tell anyone they’ll never find your body

everyone is surprised when they find out he’s friends with Eric and ollie

pan but in denial

“i’m not gay guys, that ain’t me, i’m just comfortable with my sexuality. so i can admit when i see a guy with a handsome face and pretty eyes-“

that song is great btw you should listen to it

anyway

always makes really dark jokes and everyone is like “are you ok?”

except for his friends they just laugh

“lmao wouldn’t it be funny if everyone like...died”