#bc anytime i do lineart normally i fucking hate it

[fossilizedhysterics]

sanders sides beach episode when

[rocketandonuts]

ah fuck it, personal vent post for real, probably. Ugh :

its all silly which is majorly why i hate how much im weeping over this

im currently in a depressed session bc a few days ago i broke my fucking screen tablet. lol

i dont even know what to say. i used to only draw on normal pen tablet and i was absolutely fine with it. and years ago i got the screen tablet (Wacom one) which, uhh there were reasons at the time i dont wanna get into lol but the result being i didnt mesh too well with it as first. i only used it when i needed to. otherwise it was just collecting dust

well there was also that huge art block that i ended up just become suck at drawing in general (in my own opinion). anyway

its til last year i picked it up again. cuz even tho i dislike screen tablet for many reasons, it makes drawing lineart a hell lot faster. I ended up using it majorly for my comic and as my artskill slowly grow i started to really see the good sides of the medium

but the thing is since i was really treating it rough. (And also bc Wacom one realy just sucks in quality in terms of screen tablet. It might be the cheapest but Don't get wacom one) it was already kinda dusty and half-broken and scratchy. I was aware it might stop working anytime.

I was aware but i wasnt prepared

and it didnt even just stop working on it's own. It's broken bc i dropped it. lol like a dumbass

During that night when i was like "OOO imona do a gamejam :)" I didnt place it steadily on my desk and when I stood up it fell to the floor

god i feel sick to stomach remembering that

then i tried to distract myself for a day or two i think.

i still have my pen tablet so i tried to use to it... works but it doesnt feel right. expesically when doing character expressions and certain type of lines

i ended up ordered myself a new screen tablet THANK GOODNESS HUION TW HAPPENS TO BE ON HUGE SALE THANK GOD

thing is it arrived tonight and before it did (i wasnt sure when it would arrive) i was so anxious the entire time cuz i even tho it wasnt a huge lot lot of money cuz it was on sale its still quite smth and i was really scared i will not mesh well with it cuz ive never used huion b4...

it was pretty damn alright. and the cable design makes so much more sense. im never going back to wacom again after this lol

but still during these few days i kept thinkning about what a dumbass i am and how i didnt use the full of the tablet and just broke it like that. how im already behind on my intended schedule. and that im literally depressed when i cant draw as i wanted. i feel like dead all days. and the fact i feel dependant on higher end products now when i used to be able to do everything with my tiny pen tablet etc etc. and lol even tho its mostly fine now, the anger the stupid sorrow still are lingering. why am i like this