#bc I’m in a self destructive mode

[thehauntingofbasingse]

.

[museofthepyre]

Thinking abt Elijah and Jedidiah again, I’ve said a lot of it before, but I’m expanding here (finale spoilers btw):

I think Jeddie and Elijah were intentionally written to represent the opposing extremes of unhealthy love/ affection. It’s a symbolic parallel, they’re complete opposites in terms of attachment style… but they’re united in the fact that they’re both hurting Sydney (the subject of their feelings).

Jedidiah embodies cold, distant, withdrawn and purely behind the scenes love-

And Elijah embodies obsessive, love-bombing, all consuming and suffocating love.

Through this lens,

They both saw Sydney suffering and without consulting him (WITHOUT GIVING HIM A SAY!!!) took it upon themselves to help- but their fucked up perceptions of love lead their solutions to being… naturally… fucked up.

There’s even symbolism in the WAY they both tried to help (…had Sydney die).

Jedidiah wanted to end Sydney’s suffering. He would have Sydney die a lonely, cold, quiet death in the sterile environment of a hospital- then he’d bring him back in body, hoping that he’d return healthy again (the rose tinted memory of the old friend he loves)

Elijah wanted to end Sydney’s suffering. He would have Sydney die in a passionate roaring flame, surrounded by a crowd of feverous celebration- then he’d bring him back in spirit, hoping it’d bring him eternal peace and rest (the mirage of the deity-like figure he loves)

That is like the most blatant metaphorical representation of this whole thing imo. The mode of death represents their destructive love, and how it’s killing Sydney. Like, literally. But when it happens, they both wholeheartedly believe they’re doing this FOR Sydney, to “help” him.

AND THIS BRINGS ME TO MY OPINION ABT ELIJAHS INTENTIONS:

I’ve always interpreted Elijah as being entirely, legitimately convinced of everything he said. Like, through the lens of his own incredibly warped and distorted perception of “love”, he genuinely thought he was doing what was best for/ “helping” Sydney.

He had it in his head that he loved Sydney, none of that was a knowing lie, it was real to him— but his reality was… again, distorted.

And it’s written in a way which highlights how HORRIBLY UNHEALTHY that warped perception is. It mirrors how Jedidiah’s starkly contrasting ways are showcased as unhealthy, despite him too thinking that he was doing what was best for Sydney. Neither go excused, or sugar coated, the point being: to show how neither extreme is good.

Beyond their skewed actions,

They both wanted to resurrect a Sydney that didn’t exist. The Sydney Jedidiah wanted back had withered away,, Sydney’s sickness was more than physical, it had roots in his mind and memories. Jedidiah had left him feeling abandoned for so long that it’d take more than a simple reset to heal their rift. But he didn’t know how to do that, he didn’t know how to be close, and he was too wrapped up in his self- flagellation to actually break down the walls he’d built.

And Elijah’s version of Sydney was a total idolization. He was never self aware enough to realize he was a large contributor to Sydney’s suffering in the first place. He was too wrapped up in the thrall of his own delusions to realize how scary and confusing this all would be for Sydney. (I say delusions bc I think… they were/gen. Coming from someone who’s BPD-spawned delusions get similarly obsessive and convincing… I have a whole other tangent on this for another day)

This isn’t an Elijah apologist message btw, nor is it a Jedidiah apologist message— I just think this depth is an important part of the overall message- you can love someone and hurt them every second of it, if there’s no balance- a line between the two extremes!! I think we are seeing Jedidiah starting to find that line- he was actually listening to Sydney by the end of it all. Elijah… is still stuck in his head.

[tragic-vaudeville]

is there any goth albums or bands you suggest listening too?

I listen to: all the cure goth albums, Selected Scenes from the end of the world by London after midnight, Ju Ju by Siouxsie and the banshees, Unknown Pleasures by Joy Division, Floodland by The sisters of mercy, In a flat field by Bauhaus, Ocean Rain by Echo & the bunnymen, one Ploho album (it’s in Russian), and two Molchat Doma albums (it’s in Russian 😭)

IN PROGRESS: Only a theater of pain by Christian Death and Clan of Xymox (I’m listening to it rn!!)

Right now I been looking threw Reddit for goth albums and one goth friend on instagram I follow your tumblr so I was wondering if you have any suggestions for bands and albums?

Also I went to your card and added you on air buds im on air buds (my name is Millie⁉️ and user is apolloflightsss or something similar to that)

oh i got plenty of recommendations for goth bands/albums!! i've limited down to 15 artists and 15 albums.

GOTH BANDS/MUSICIANS:

Love and Rockets

Depeche Mode

The Birthday Party

The Chamelons

Specimen

Rosette Stone

Skeletal Family

The Sound

Pink Turns Blue

Diva Destruction

Romeo Void

Play Dead

Faithful Dawn

The Damned (i specifically recommend their album Phantasmagoria bc it's their most iconic and gothic album it's so life changing vro)

Echo & the Bunnymen (okay im a huge bunnymen fan and im so glad you checked out ocean rain!! i really recommend listening to basically their first 3 albums before ocean rain (crocodiles, heaven up here, and porcupine) because they're super iconic and gothic. unfortunately from their 1987 self titled album and forward they lose their post punk/gothic sound and became like alternative dad rock. they're still good but those albums are hit and misses)

GOTH ALBUMS:

Hyæna - Siouxsie and the Banshees

Night Time - Killing Joke

Sleep in Safety - 45 Grave

Song and Legend - Sex Gang Children

The Nephilim - Fields of Nephilim

...If I Die, I Die - Virgin Prunes

Serpentine Gallery - Switchblade Symphony

Big City Fun/Blue Sisters Swing - Flesh For Lulu

All About Eve's self titled album

The Singles: 1981-1983 - 13th Chime

The Botanic Verses - The March Violets

Ceremony - Twin Tribes

Who's Been Sleeping in My Brain? - Alien Sex Fiend

Bloodletting - Concrete Blonde

Gag - Fad Gadget



[s-b-party]

Tayzzyronth & Oroboros: Aeons of Deadly Sins

****Honkai star rail spoilers/simulated universe spoilers/swarm disaster spoilers****

*The moment Herta described them as being arch enemies, my mind immediately started falling into a rabbit hole trying to analyze them both & some thoughts have been cooking lol

So who are these 2 Aeons? They recently have made more formal appearances (we finally get to see their forms) in the newest hsr patch specifically in simulated universe

Tayzzyronth is the Aeon of Propagation & Oroboros is the Aeon of Voracity; propagation refers to reproduction while voracity is excessive eating

I’d like to suggest that Tayzzyronth & Oroboros are aeons that represent 2 of the 7 deadly sins: lust & gluttony respectfully

*Note: lust can refer to extremely strong sexual desires but without sexual connotations it simply refers to an extremely strong desire/emotion for something you crave*

Tayzzyronth often self-replicated & the heirs they created eventually became their faction, the Swarm

The reason why they started reproducing was bc they feared being alone since they were the last of the Coleoptera (scientific name for beetle) so they had an extremely strong desire to procreate

As for Oroboros, they devour everything that gets in their way since everything including worlds will simply return to the void in the end

Now that we’ve established how they depict lust & gluttony, let’s look at their dynamic

Both are said to have been enemies & it seems that Tayzzyronth died in a war (which involved Oroboros) at the hands of multiple Aeons according to Kafka

What I find interesting is that (like in my analyses of Lan & Yaoshi and Nanook & IX) they have a few similarities

For instance what they do is mindless (all Tayzzyronth & Oroboros can think of/do are self-replicate & consume; I think it’s important to remember that doing mindless tasks doesn’t always equate to intelligence especially when they do it in repetitive cycles; the word mindless usually gets associated w/ low intelligence which Herta implies that Tayzzyronth & the Swarm have)

They may represent different deadly sins but they are different manifestations of greed in essence, all being forms of excessive desires

They also both have similar color palettes where they use cool colors (various shades of purple) which are paired with some reds or blues; to me this is showing that in spite of their differences they do share some similarities/vibes (not evil per se but destructive)

Now to look at their dynamic from a different light, I want to first point to how them being enemies makes sense if we consider what creatures they resemble

Tayzzyronth as we already know is based off insects, the beetle to be more precise, while Oroboros is based off the mythological ouroboros which was usually a tail-devouring serpent; irl snakes & insects are normally enemies & snakes are the ones usually devouring insects although the reverse situation is also possible

Perhaps it is bc both are representative of different aspects of greed that they both would end up being enemies in the end anyway if they are to fight for dominance in this world (going back to the idea of survival of the “fittest”, meaning the stronger concept would prevail in this case)

If that is the case, the end of Tayzzyronth could imply that the desire to devour is stronger than the desire to procreate but I don’t think that’s exactly how it is because there is some irony to be found here

Even though Tayzzyronth has been deceased for some time, the Swarm still remains & they still are a menace to the universe due to the destruction they can cause, all of this while Oroboros doesn’t seem to leave any trace of the worlds they have devoured so I think that even though the Propagation is gone, their concept still has influence in the universe w/ as much ���strength”/importance as the voracity

I’m really glad to have seen Tayzzyronth & Oroboros in the swarm disaster mode of simulated universe bc for me it looks like the Aeons have interesting & complex relationships with each other and I can’t seem to get over them 😂 I also like the designs of the aeons

They just have so much in their designs & stories which fascinate me, it’s just really fun chilling in the pool of aeon lore & dynamics :3

[whatiwillsay]

imo the only joe songs are the prophecy, how did it end, the albatross probably, and obviously so long london. i look in people's windows and my boy only breaks his favourite toys could both be about matty or joe, tho i lean towards matty for mbobhft because of the avoidant/self-destructive way in which the muse is painted ("he saw forever so he smashed it up" & "he runs because he loves me" vs "you were in self-sabotage mode throwing spikes on the road").

literally everything else is matty or someone else or non-romantic. i've seen some ppl saying that the shirt she was wearing in the vid jack posted of her recording the black dog matches the shirt she was wearing when papped leaving electric lady on may 18th, at which time she was still together with matty, but i think she might've just reworn the shirt bc the starting line reference in the black dog screams matty.

yeah i’m coming to this consensus

[thegreatimpersonator]

like, do i feel a little bit of empathy for taylor rn bc i think she’s probably in self destruct mode? yeah but my feeling that is not a choice lmao and it’s certainly not a feeling that i’m going to feed and defend. like im honestly mad at myself for even feeling that but it is what it is. much more than that though i am unbelievably pissed at her.

everyone is soo fucking concerned about protecting her but what about all the people of minorities that she’s hurting rn? what about the fact that she 100% knows everything matty did and decided, as a grown ass adult, to double down anyway? “empathy” is not the catch all that everyone thinks it is. its just a feeling. what matters is words and actions, and her total lack of those things is a statement in of itself. she doesnt care that shes promoting racism. theres no empathizing your way out of that.

sorry for this rant i just literally feel a little sick every time i see people on here move on and go back to normal and calling her soo cute tiny babygirl mommy perfect infallible baby child queen of gay rights <3 like. shes an adult and her choices rn fucking suck. the consequences are real like this has real effects on people, not everyone has the privilege to just forget about racism. hurts my fucking heart rn.

the people who just went back to how it was a few weeks ago and are acting like everything is back to normal are very concerning to me because like you said, it's erasing the pain and hurt of the communities affected and ignoring it is a privilege, a privilege they are actively taking advantage of.

i get feeling sad she's obviously not in a perfect place, but a decent person in a self destructive place would just chop their hair off, not start dating a vocally racist, antisemitic, sexist, ableist, homophobic person. that's not self destructive, that's just revealing your true colors.

[skyrim-said-that]

Ok I know I already sent these in the discord but you said show your work so here I am. I have less to say about some then others

Azura: Twilight Zone//Golden Earring

I'm pretty sure this song is about a secret agent of some sort carrying out their mission so i tend to relate it to Azura and the Nerevarine. The references in the song to the twilight zone are about the moral grey area of their mission and how disorienting it can be and I feel like that can also apply to the Nerevarine's mission in Morrowind against the Tribunal. The lyric about "my beacon's been moved under moon and star" is about how their (the Nerevarine) allegiance has been moved under Azura and how she is their guiding light.

Boethiah: Counter Opps//HAWK

This is just a very punk song about disrespecting authority and I think it fits well with Boethiah's aspect of overthrow of authority

Clavicus Vile: Wish I May//Breaking Benjamin

"I wish I may, I wish I might, When all these dreams have come to end, You wish you were, you're not my friend" self explanatory I think

Hircine: Waidmann's Heil//Rammstein

Song title means "Hunter's Salute" so i think that's enough explanation but one lyric in particular that I like is

"Auf dem Lande auf dem Meer lauert das Verderben, Die Kreatur muss Sterben" which roughly means "ruin lurks in the land by the sea, thus the creature must die"

Mehrunes Dagon: Zerstören//Rammstein

The title means "destroy" and the entire song is about the impulse to destroy and how destruction is in itself an extention of art and life

Mephala: The Webs We Weave//Escape The Fate

Idk man, it's a song about deception with an extended metaphor of spiders and spider webs. What's more Mephala than that.

Molag Bal: Prison Sex//Tool

Possibly the most uncomfortable song I'll recommend but fitting for the most uncomfortable prince. It's about the rampant sexual assault that happens in prisons and the cycle of abuse, ae. the lyric "Do unto you now what has been done to me, Do unto others what has been done" lyrical content aside the music is really fucking good I love the opening guitar riff. But yeah definitely listen at your own risk the lyrics get a little graphic towards the end.

Namira: Eat You Alive//Emigrate

It's a song about cannibalism idk what you want from me

Sanguine: Personal Jesus//Depeche Mode

Idk I just think he'd really like the idea of his followers reaching out to him so he could "hear their prayers" also the original version of the song by Depeche Mode is the sexiest one

Sheogorath: Cradles// Sub Urban

"Tape my eyes open to force reality, Why can't you just let me eat my weight in glee?, I live inside my own world of make-believe" I don't have anything to say about it just yeah

Vaermina: bury a friend//Billie Eilish

It's a song about nightmares idk

(If you don't like the way I formatted this go ahead and change it lol I was just pasting this from my notes app)

-

1: i dont know jack shit about the lore but sounds great to me, we love a morally grey mission. 2: boethiah says punk lives on. 3: is this about his weirdly complicated relationship with his dog or am i missing lore. 4: honestly i think hircine would fuck with rammstein. 5: so would dagon. 6: spider girlboss moment. 7: honestly youre real for recommending a song for him, i honestly was gonna cut him from the list bc nobody likes him. 8: love that for her. 9: THATS SO SEXY OF HIM. 10: real. 11: also real

[newmusickarl]

Top 50 Albums of 2023: Honourable Mentions

I’ve spent most of this year thinking to myself that 2023 hasn’t been a hallmark one for music – I think I was wrong.

With 2022 serving up some of my favourite records in recent years and most of my favourite artists releasing new music that delivered on high expectations, I sort of had in mind that 2023 just wasn’t as strong by comparison. But in the process of compiling my annual Top 50 Albums of the Year, revisiting songs and thinking back on the live performances I’ve seen, I’ve been reminded of the sheer depth of quality music we’ve been gifted over the last 12 months.

In 2022 I listened to more new music than any other year I can remember and it seems I pretty much matched this personal best again in 2023. My Apple Music Replay tells me I’ve listened to 733 albums from 884 different artists, 4,835 different songs and a whopping 39,935 minutes of music. Whittling this mass of great music down hasn’t been easy, which is why this year I’m taking a slightly different approach to my year-end countdown. Instead of focussing on just the albums with the daily Top 50 in the build-up to the new year, I’m going to celebrate all the mediums of music I’ve enjoyed instead.

From my own tally that I keep every year, I’ve consumed over 240 newly released Albums & EPs from 2023, listened to around 2,500 songs and witnessed 115 live performances (and counting!) over the last 12 months as well. This has given me the impossible task of choosing my year-end champions in terms of albums, EPs, songs and live shows of the year. The songs will come in playlist form later in the month along with a roundup of my favourite EPs and live shows of the year, but for now I’m beginning with the best albums that the year had to offer.

As ever, these albums come from a multitude of genres (pop, rock, indie, hip-hop, R&B, electronica, shoegaze, punk and post-punk - it’s all here!) so although there is a good chance you won’t enjoy everything on this list, hopefully there is at least something for everyone to enjoy. Of course, the variety also makes it very difficult to rank one above the other, so don’t get too hung up on the placements. Generally, I’ve favoured the albums that:

Had the biggest impact on me and the wider music world in the last 12 months

Had ambition or something unique to offer

I played the most during the year

Ultimately produced my favourite front-to-back listening experience

Before the countdown officially starts tomorrow with the albums that finished 50-41, I wanted to just shout out the albums that I thoroughly enjoyed this year but ultimately just missed out on the Top 50 spots. Essentially these albums would’ve made up the 100-51 placings if I had the time spare to do an even bigger countdown. However as I don’t, here they are as my 50 Honourable Mentions for 2023 in alphabetical order:

Alex Lahey - The Answer Is Always Yes

Arborist - An Endless Sequence of Dead Zeros

Baby Queen - Quarter Life Crisis

BC Camplight - The Last Rotation of Earth

Bdrmm - I Don’t Know

Black Pumas - Chronicles of A Diamond

Boygenius - The Record

Circles Around The Sun - Language

The Coral - Sea of Mirrors

Danny Brown - Quaranta

Declan Welsh & The Decadent West - 2

Depeche Mode - Memento Mori

Empty Country - Empty Country II

Fenne Lily - Big Picture

Fiddlehead - Death Is Nothing To Us

FIZZ - The Secret To Life

Foo Fighters - But Here We Are

Gabriels - Angels & Queens

Gaz Coombes - Turn The Car Around

Gorillaz - Cracker Island

The Hives - The Death of Randy Fitzsimmons

Holding Absence - The Noble Art of Self Destruction

Hot Mulligan - Why Would I Watch

Jadu Heart - Derealised

James - Be Opened By The Wonderful

Janelle Monae - The Age of Pleasure

Jayda G - Guy

Kevin Abstract - Blanket

Killer Mike - MICHAEL

Lanterns on the Lake - Versions of Us

M83 - Fantasy

Metallica - 72 Seasons

Nile Marr - Lonely Hearts Killers

Noname - Sundial

nothing, nowhere - VOID ETERNAL

Paws - PAWS

RAYE - My 21st Century Blues

Sampha - Lahai

Shame - Food For Worms

Sigur Ros - ATTA

Sleaford Mods - UK Grim

The Slow Readers Club - Knowledge Freedom Power

Somebody's Child - Somebody's Child

Squid - O Monolith

Sundara Karma - Better Luck Next Time

We Are Scientists - Lobes

Wild Nothing - Hold

The Xcerts - Learning How To Live And Let Go

Yo La Tengo - This Stupid World

Zivi - Lost In Love

So that’s what didn’t quite make it - see you back here tomorrow to find out the first ones that did!

[dazaiapologism]

I keep tricking myself into thinking that bc I’m not In Therapy I’m fine and there’s no longer anything to work on but just had a moment of lucidity and realized how far astray id wandered this week. what is it about work that makes my brain skip immediately to self destruct mode

[angelenentrenamiento]

I've been following you for years now and I perked up when I saw you post. i just want to say your existence is light on this earth. just being trans and yourself is strength alone. you are desiring of love and care and patience and healing. im so sorry things feel impossible right now. and im so sorry things are feeling out of your control, that can be a really scary place to be. but I'm so glad you have friends by your side and that you have places you can look for help. you are loved and if anything, I (random tumblr user) care about you. feel free to reach out if you just want someone to chat with or distract you :) it wouldn't be a burden at all.

Thank you so much for your kind message i really appreciate u taking the time to send me this

life has been really tough on me but i’m ngl some of it is my fault too and my clumsiness. i wish certain ppl can understand that, but there’s nothing left to say. ppl have done their mistakes on me and Ive made mistakes on other ppl. my job is to take responsibility but im trying not to punish myself or have other ppl keep punishing me bc if that does happen, ill never heal, become better and probably 💀 that doesnt take away the damage these ppl have done to me too and hope they also reflect on what they did to me but heal too. i want to feel better, be better. im on self destruct mode, loads of things have happened to my body this year that it can’t take it anymore. yesterday and today i havent feel suicidal but the other day i was, and felt like i was gonna do it. i even self harmed. i hope to heal more as the days pass. my current friends love me so much and support me through my chaos and imperfections and maybe they dont 100% understand whats going on, they validate me which is something i hoped some could understand.

[musicalhistorical]

More twisted wonderland thoughts….

Because I have zero self control when it comes to my impulses.

@cloudcountry ik I talk about fate a lot to you. Uh. Here’s a post now yay

So! One of my all time favorite games is Fate Grand Order, a game where you play as a master and you summon heroic spirits (infamous/famous individuals from stories and history) to save humanity. There’s a few classes that a servant can classify as, and because I am chaos, I’ve decided to figure out what classes the seven figures of the school would be summoned as. To add a little more challenge? Only one will be put as a caster. Which means I gotta be creative

The classes:

Saber- in the fate lore? This is commonly noted as the most powerful class. They have a sword (though sometimes guns), and they’re really good at dealing damage.

Archer- people who use projectiles as weapons, “archer” is a loose term- dolphins, rocks, swords, axes, and other items are used as weapons. I wish I was kidding about the dolphins

Lancer- pointy sticks!! Pointy sticks!!!

Caster- magic users, though story writers are also considered casters (Shakespeare, Hans Christian Anderson), mostly for healing/buffing the team and debuffing the enemy

Rider- I’m not sure how one qualifies for this either. I guess a mode of transport?

Assassin- sneaky sneaky, honestly very on the tin

Berserker- the glass cannons of the game. Incredibly powerful and destructive but they can also be easily defeated if you’re not careful

Bonus:

Alter Ego

Moon Cancer

Avenger

Foreigner

Ruler

(I am not too sure how someone qualifies for these classes other than avenger bc that’s someone who was wronged and is full of hate towards something or someone. The most powerful ones hate humanity (Lobo, the wolf who lost his mate and pups to humans), while less powerful ones hate one specific individual (Saeri who hates Mozart)

Now for sorting!!!

Queen of Hearts-

Berserker!! Genuinely one of the easiest choices. She’d be an incredibly heavy hitter if you can manage to keep her from getting defeated long enough.

King of Beasts-

archer. Remember how I said they could use pretty much any projectile as a weapon? Yeah for him it’d be hyenas he’d sick on the opponent.

The Sea Witch-

Rider, cause, yk, the waves? The current? Besides. Riders can be pretty powerful (Ozymandias) and yeah. With the eels, I’m pretty solid with my choice here.



The Sorceror of the Sands-

(I didn’t label them in order so I actually got to him last, and I’m still not sure I think it’s suitable for him, anyway) Saber is the last one at this point, so he gets it. A lot of sabers are accomplished leaders in some capacity (King Arthur, the knights Lancelot and Gawain, generals, rebel leaders, etc), so I feel like it’s not a bad spot for them. Besides, Jason (leader of the Argonauts) is a saber and his attacks are just him telling his crew to attack, so if he can get away with being a saber so can this dude

The Fairest Queen-

assassin, and you can fight me on this. Potions? Poisons? Yeah that’s assassin kind of shit. It also enables her to be further from the master than most other servants

The King of the Underworld-

Lancer I’m giving him the pokey stick. Also lancers in the fate universe tend to have really, really rotten luck, so…

The Thorn Fairy-

Caster. She is the ONLY one I feel is truly worthy of it. She’d be a grand caster as well, on par with Solomon who is easily the most powerful caster in-game- though you can’t summon him- yeah she’s the one I’m giving the title of caster to.

[trashogram]

Addition: The comments (which I appreciate so much thank you 💋) are giving me ideas for a Lucifer version:

I love the concept of Lucifer falling back into his depression somewhat while he and Reader are an item, and it is heavily caused by his doubts and insecurities after being left by Lilith. He’s hard on himself but it’s not enough to get him out of the depression funk, and unfortunately this coincides with him not being as energetic or engaged with you as he used to be — and subsequently you try to give him support but also space so there’s a distancing effect, and it feeds his insecurities. It’s circular. An ouroboros kinda thing.

Well, you may be a sinner but you’re still in many ways human, so you talk about how you feel to Angel Dust, who’s one of your best friends at the hotel. He feels bad, tries to get involved but it backfires so damn hard bc when he tries to cheer Lulu up, it grows into this *thing*. Angel sort of slips into work mode, in a way, and Lucifer is responsive (bc he’s self-destructing HARD). One thing leads to another and suddenly he’s servicing the Devil to help him “loosen up”. It’s just a one time thing, they both swear, but… no. It’s nothing like love or anything remotely close. It becomes a way for them both to harm themselves and goad themselves into believing that your love for them isn’t as monumental or touching or important as it really is. Because love is terrifying and neither believes they really deserve it.

But you catch them. They don’t realize it in the moment, but Husk can’t stop you from leaving and he spills. All Hell breaks loose (pun intended) as elucidated.

But the thing for me is that this actually branches off into the themes of forgiveness and redemption. Like I’m personally more interested in how Charlie would react to her Dad doing this, and Angel Dust. Charlie is disturbed by it so much because it makes her view them differently and suddenly her belief in redemption no matter what is being challenged like she never imagined. She also loves you (not romantically ofc). She thought everyone at the hotel did, but this is a nightmare and you’ve disappeared completely. And then it goes into her making tough choices about the fallout. She and Lucifer have a conversation about him maybe stepping away from helping with the Hotel bc he’s fraternizing with guests and they’re gonna have to make a hard rule about that. He tries to dissuade it bc he wants to help his daughter with her dream! But the more he thinks about it, the more sense it makes for him to gain a bit of distance. He can barely get up in the mornings anymore, he sees you everywhere in his mind’s eye. And his own daughter seems uncomfortable in his presence.

Angel Dust, on the other hand, isn’t asked to leave or anything (he’d still be considered a resident and not staff). Charlie tries to be firm with him but his way of denial is bitter and harsh. He says terrible things like how you “should’ve been able to satisfy your man if you didn’t want him to cheat.” He does not mean this at all. Angel Dust just lashes out and says whatever he can to avoid the truth and how fucked up what he and Lucifer did is. But it takes Charlie shouting at him in sheer disbelief over how cruel he’s being for Angel to break down and bawl over it. He doesn’t know why he did it either and he doesn’t know what to do to fix it. It can’t be fixed, can it Charlie???

Charlie comforts him, but she doesn’t know either. She tries to smile through it, and tell Angel that at least if when they find you, Angel can apologize and at least it’ll be sincere and heartfelt. That has to mean something right?

No. They never find you.

Which Hazbin character would be the best for this scenario?

Warning: Darkfic, infidelity/cheating, betrayal, mental breakdown, extreme angst, general suffering and Hurt no Comfort, do not read if you’re in a bad place rn

I’m in the mood for some serious heartbreak, so picture this:

You’re a resident of the Hazbin Hotel, and you’re in a relationship with one of our core characters. You’re genuinely in love, and everything seems to be going great, although you do have your insecurities. Your partner is always there for you though, and they keep you going… except lately they’ve been acting kinda off. You try to ignore it, feeling extremely guilty for ever getting suspicious or doubting their devotion. But the signs keep appearing, the red flags are getting harder to ignore and it feels like a test against your sanity to justify that everything is ok.

But one random night you do catch them. They are cheating, they’re right in the middle of it, possibly with another resident that you also viewed as a friend. And it’s devastating. Even when they realize that you’re standing there in the doorway and your expression is downright haunting. Your partner (and friend if applicable) immediately gets up, desperately begging for your forgiveness, apologizing, trying to explain, but it’s all a ringing in your ears. They follow you back to your room but all the while you’re shellshocked and unresponsive. You lock them out and stay that way for an unknown amount of time. Eventually you decide to leave out the window without a word. You disappear into Hell and never come back.

OR a variation of that:

But one random night you do catch them. They don’t notice you standing in the doorway though. They’re far too wrapped up in what they’re doing. You’re shellshocked, but you leave silently. You go to the lobby and another resident/friend finds you. They’re immediately concerned and try to prod whatever’s wrong out of you. Eventually you concede, and the flash of guilt that you see on their face feels like a stab to the gut. Your friend knew. They knew — maybe your other friends know. Maybe everyone in the hotel except you knew, but no one loved you — or even liked you enough to tell you that your Love (and friend/their homewrecker) were betraying you, for who knows how many times and how long. You get up and leave out the front door of the hotel, disappearing into Hell despite your friend’s protests.

Your now ex-Love searches for you. So do many of the other Hazbin residents. They look everywhere for weeks. Your former partner tries calling, texting, leaving voicemails until your mailbox is full trying to explain themselves, asking for forgiveness, begging for you to return. It gets to a point where they just want to know that you’re safe somewhere, even if they never see you again. But days turn into weeks and weeks turn into months and an Extermination has gone by but apart from your room remaining untouched, it’s like you never existed. The person that hurt you the most spirals into a deep depression and buries themselves in their vice(s) of choice as they begin to see you out of the corner of their eye or looking at them, light completely gone from your eyes, when they’re half-asleep. Hurting you like that was the worst thing they’ve ever done in life and in death.

And the other residents try to move on. They leave your spot in meetings/group activities empty. You always have a place there, even if they know you’re not coming back. It’s like your ghost is haunting the hotel.

[jocelynships]

I’m supposed to be going on a date tonight and I feel bad bc I’m just. Emotionally numb right now.

[cancerfairy]

Hi, I’m resending my ask for the mini game because I wanted to try the bonus part! My initials are AZF and I’m an Aries. Thank you in advance!

Some things about your next boyfriend: I’m hearing that your next boyfriend is quite smart! Kind of a know it all but not in a bad way haha. He’s very clever and quick on his feet. I feel like he’s a university student and around your age. I think you guys will meet there if you are one too! It’s interesting lol I’m getting like nerdy but sexy at the same time vibes? He might have Taurus or Libra placements as well. I’m just feeling some Venusian energy here. He likes to take care of his physical appearance. Mans has good skin, nice hair, and wears nice clothing lol. I’m also hearing that he is funny and sensitive. Loves to make jokes/make people laugh. There’s a good balance to him. I think he might major in something that is science related or he’s interested in science. I keep hearing the connection will be “refreshing” or he will feel very “refreshing” to you. I’m getting that he’s an analytical person who has a strong drive/focus! Some Virgo energy present here as well. Lastly, I feel like he’s a really helpful person and he helps anyone around him if he can. He will really look after you overall and try his best to make sure you aren’t feeling too lost, confused, or troubled in certain situations you may face.

I hoped you enjoyed this reading! Please leave me some feedback if any of this resonates :)

hiii! thanks for resending with an exchange! i'm glad you did bc everything was so on point. i feel that i'll meet him in university. lol nerdy but sexy resonates too as well as taurus x libra placements. definitely got those before! funny and sensitive checks out and omg people keep telling me it'll be refreshing' and i've also gotten him being some kind of science major or like something in IT. him being helpful and having virgo placements also resonated. this whole exchange was so accurate tysm!

cards: soulmates, mirror, heart with a key, ascending, stabbed in the back, karmic relationship, the chaser, healthy choices, wedding rings, the phoenix

there are very high chances you'll be meeting your romantic soulmate this year! definitely have a soul connection with this person. this person could have traits that are very similar to yours. (the song 'in common' by alicia keys came on so i think it describes this perfectly) it's clear that this person is your other half. they're different yet the same as you. it'll be like 'opposite attract' in a way. you'll have to open your heart to this person especially if you were in a hermit mode recently. i'm ngl being with this person might be a roller coaster. it won't be easy and it certainly won't be painless but it'll be worth it in the end. you'll have learn a lot with this person and go through many struggles just to be with them. i'm seeing that one of you will find these obstacles hard to overcome and might give up halfway through? either that or one of you might do something to hurt the other person (not on purpose) but it'll call for a separation for the two of you to get your priorities straight. there are a lot of lessons to learn with this person and you might have to let them go for a time being. this could make you very anxious and you might act as the 'chaser' in this relationship. you'll be afraid this person is going to leave you for a good so you might be trying to 'fix' things all by yourself and cling on your person bc of your fear of abandonment. this is exactly what this relationship will teach you though. you'll realize that this isn't how you can go on with the relationship. you and the relationship will only self destruct if you continue with your anxious attachment patterns. time without this person will teach you that you need to start making healthy choices in love for yourself. you'll work a lot on your self esteem, self love and self worth. it'll truly transform you and you'll be happier. at this time when you realize your worth is when divine timing will be at play. i feel like your guides or the universe will bring you two back to each other. you'll have both changed and so you'll be able to rekindle and come back into union. with the wedding rings here you may even take your relationship to the next level aka marriage or promise to never be apart again.

bonus stuff: whew okay something that keeps standing out to me is that this person is like ripped. they have a really toned body and they work out often. could be your ideal type in terms of looks? they have wavy hair and it's most likely a full head of hair. their teeth are very straight, they could've gotten braces before. their teeth are kinda big too (maybe long?) they're a very neat person and know how to clean up after themself. might even be a neat freak at times bc i'm hearing they're bossy lol. they could have 6h placements. very demanding and like things to go their way. i kept seeing the emperor card in my mind and this card represents aries (also someone who's demanding and bossy lol) so they could have aries placements like you. average sounding voice? they dress so well and have great fashion! medium sized nose. love language might be physical touch since i'm hearing they're an intimate person and like to be that way with their partner.

[embraceyourdestiny]

Pure was merely a standin word for whatever is part of the criteria to wield the keyblade, not meaning “morally” good or anything like that. Sora’s heart is ‘impure” in the sense that he’s been corrupted by his self doubt and therefore he isn’t strong enough to wield the keyblade anymore bc he will no longer be championing it for the light but using it for his own desires. It all comes back to, “What is your relative darkness?”

We know darkness =/= evil but darkness does stand in for merely opposite ideas of what is considered “good” in the kingdom hearts universe (again, not morally, not even exactly just, just the things that are upheld by the universistic laws of kh) and I think we are going to see that “corruption” truly take hold of sora, whether mildly and it’s an internal conflict or largely and he goes beast mode trying to contain it and avoid external destruction and harming others, which it’s likely his behaviors will be a deficit on those around him if he continues to let these struggles run rampant and uncontrolled. Sora is in a position to Save Himself and yet it can only happen if he makes the choice. He has to be tired of “losing” and yet strong enough to want to do something about it. Right now he’s just tired.

I was watching a let’s play and someone said the representation of “darkness” being “loneliness” was really appealing to them and I have to agree. Riku shut everyone out and lost the keyblade, then he learned to accept the things he forced himself to alienate from others and learnt to live in a world where there’s both parts darkness and light.

Now sora is truly alone, no friends to call upon (he might not even be quick friends with strelitzia bc of this drastic change) especially if he’s been untied to all his connections since he seems “cut off” after being Unmade and no one can get a hold of him, it’s truly the most opportune moment for sora to have this battle and hopefully let the “light” win out again.

Kingdom hearts tells us darkness cannot exist without light, that darkness isn’t inherently bad and you can use it for good with how you wield it, but also that anyone can fall to it if they’re not careful and it’s definitely Sora’s turn for the world to Face Him With Consequences and vanquish this struggle he’s been avoiding for so long. I’m excited.

It would be so fascinating to see after sora won the keyblade from Riku twice the keyblade jumping to Riku bc his heart is purer between them now and sora has lost his way. Imagine how broken sora would be.

[fleeting-sanity]

i keep having to fight my demon brain almost everyday to draw something. i envy the artists whose head are clear or manage their emotions better than i am. they can draw everyday do studies do experiments while my ass gets jealous and insecure when i saw pretty artworks with lots of likes while i do nothing but wallow in self hatred. yet i crave recognition & validation. instead of feeling inspired by them i feel discouraged. it’s toxic as hell. why am i not improving? bc i dont draw as often! bc what’s the fucking point when i’m talentless. no amount of hard work or years or experience can catch up to the ACTUALLY talented ones. i have endless ideas i never have artblock but maybe my own brand of artblock is this insecurity & self-hate. art is a form of therapy but instead it’s gotten toxic for me. 

yes this is bad for my professional look yes it’s bad if my clients see this shit. i actually need work i need $$ to fucking feed my cats. that toxic cycle repeats again when i see better artists getting work. toxic toxic toxic. i’m crying bc i hate myself so much i want me dead. nothing is going on currently. no disasters no nothing just me wanting to end myself. fuck. idk how much longer i can distract myself from actually doing it. it’s always self-destruct mode.

no therapy does not exist here. even if they do it’s only for the privileged not poors like me. i want to keep drawing i really do but fucking hell do i get jealous then sulk and stop drawing bc why can’t i be as good as other artists. why do i keep comparing. why am i like this. why cant i get out of this toxic pool???