#bc I’m going the separate top+bottoms route

[fortes-fortuna-iogurtum]

on the plus side of all this clothing nonsense, I mayyyyyy have possibly found a swimsuit option that’ll work!! I may actually get to have cute-yet-still-comfortable-for-me-to-wear swimwear for the first time in like 10 years!!!

[silverxcristal]

I don't know if you consider them separate characters or something, but william afton becoming gay and a better person after turning into springtrap is peak content

I consider them different characters but I acknowledge in canon we going the human route, and some AUs go with that and BOI William Afton becomes gay and better person for being on the Spring is indeed peak content.

// nsfw topic mention

It also goes from from top vibes to bottom vibes in each suit he changes. I wont elaborate bc I'm on mobile and I cant put a read more and I just woke up and forgot how to add it on mobile

[shslstraws]

Hello! Hope your days going well, I’ve been looking around and see your ✨beautiful art✨, and I curious to see your ideas/headcanons of your dr ships? I always like to see people’s interpretations of them^.^ (also your valid for top Saihara cuz I’m a Power-bottom Ouma enthusiast and-)

Hello! My day(s) have being going wonderful, thank you for asking! I hope you are doing well too, thank you very much for this ?? Like I’ve always wanted to discuss my ideas and headcanons, so thanks for this,, a blessing,, 

I’m one hell of a multi-shipper but I’ll discuss my big damn ships. WHICH IS TWO, I REALIZED JUST WRITING ONE OF THESE, I WROTE SO MUCH THAT I CAN’T EVEN WRITE ABOUT MY TOP 5. SO HAVE TOP 2 

Oumota (my fav ship)

Reading some of golden-redhead’s fic; Nobody Said It Was Easy (one of my fav Oumota fics btw), I do like to confirm that Kokichi and Kaito moved into an apartment with each other. Basically, vr au, just started to live with each other due to the fact that they let each other see with their masks down at the end, and they seem to grow an understanding of each other. They eventually become friends then to lovers, I always love that trope. 

Kokichi bought a galaxy printed blanket for Kaito, on his birthday, and he thinks it’s an eyesore sometimes. But the look on Kaito’s face when Kokichi spots him snuggle up with it, Kokichi doesn’t ever regret buying it. (Kaito just really thinks of Kokichi when he snuggles up in the blanket btw, I drew them in the blanket actually!)

For a loooong while, Kokichi suffered from ptsd nightmares when they first moved in, Kaito just couldn’t leave him like that?? He invites Kokichi to like,, sleep with him in his bed, after a month of living together, and Kokichi just teases him. But he silently goes in that night, Kaito finds out in the morning, since he wakes up early, but says nothing of it for the both of them. (It just becomes a habit) 

Kaito is actually afraid of loud noises? Like, REALLY loud noises. Due to ptsd triggers to the loud slam of the press and the awful noises that was also with it. Thunderstorms are the worst. Kokcihi notices this and feels kinda lost, he doesn’t know what to do but wants to help. Kaito tries to keep it together during these times, but Kokichi can see right through him. At first, he’d try to joke around and tease at him, just to make Kaito feel normal and back to reality. It eventually doesn’t work and Kaito is stuck in that moment of time, so Kokichi silently starts forming circles on his hand to keep him grounded. Just like how Kokichi goes to Kaito’s bed after a nightmare, this becomes a habit and they say nothing of it. 

They don’t say anything to each other about these acts of kindness bc they don’t know how to react to it? Maybe still in the mindset that they HAVE to hate each other. But they get over it, and once in a relationship; Kokichi begins to make small talk as he rubs circles in Kaito’s hand. And, of course, they both decided to finally sleep in the same bed instead of separate beds in separate rooms. 

Of course, they tease each other and pick at each other everyday. But since they started dating, it’s just more in a loving matter?? Although Kokichi will be like, “ewww, Momota-chan is trying to flirt with me, disgusting” 

For my version of a VR AU,,, I kinda want to go a different route for Kokichi; career wise. I love seeing fitting jobs for him in fics like, actor and such. Excellent ideas and I love them! But I want to be different bc IDK I JUST DO BE LIKE THAT. And wanna make Kokichi a psychologist? Just once he recovers from his trauma, and helps Kaito deal with his, he just feels like he can be good at it? Which was laughable when he first told Kaito, but then he saw Kokichi was serious and was like, “oh shit, you’re dead set on this.” And Kaito becomes proud of him, so supports him through it. Kokichi is still a little shit but only to those that are not his patients, of course. 

I actually did concept art of Kokichi as a psychologist, since I got a request to have my take on older Oumota, I’ve been putting so much work into the concept so then I can make the perfect drawing, but here’s psychologist!Kokichi 

Yes, he gets glasses. He was so whiny about it when Kaito found out Kokichi’s sight wasn’t the best as it was before. So after FORCING him to go to an eye doctor, Kokichi pouted when he got his first pair. Kaito just found it cute. He normally wears contacts though, only wear glasses, “to look professional”, even then, he doesn’t wear them as much. HE REALLY DOESN’T WANT ANYONE ELSE KNOWING HE WEARS GLASSES. He hates them. Kaito gets very excited when he sees his boyfriend with them; he took a picture when Kokichi didn’t notice until the picture was taken, and the doof left the flash on, so Kokichi chased him around the apartment demanding him to delete it. And Kaito is laughing and having his phone in the air high so he can’t reach it. (But Kokichi eventually gets it off his phone, from a surprise kiss) 

Although Kaito HATES being what the game made him to be and what he thought everyone expected him to be, he was afraid to even consider to pursue being an astronaut for real. He was afraid that he fully lost himself if he were to “give in”. But he learns that he wants to be an astronaut, not because of the false memories given, but because he wants to in this life. His life. His decision. 

Both study hard in university when pursuing their chosen careers, both procrastinate a lot. But eventually one or the other will try and get them back to work. Or if Kaito is working too hard, Kokichi will try and lighten him up and get him to take a break. Very rarely, Kaito will have to do the the same with Kokichi. 

OH MY GOD OKAY, NOW ONTO THE OTHER SHIP 

Saioumota 

Shuichi basically had a crush on both of them, he didn’t know how to even confess. NONE OF THEM DID BC THEY’RE MESSES. 

So, going off VR AU again, afterwards Kaito just decides that they all are going to live together. And Shuichi was okay with that, Kokichi was like, “haha okay, since you can’t seem to get enough of me” but was honestly relieved inside that he had somewhere to go. 

Few months were awkward for Kokichi, especially since Shuichi and Kaito started dated. He just felt like “the third wheel” and wanted to move out, but he had no where to go. So he was in this cycle in his mind for awhile. 

Shuichi tries multiple of times to get Kokichi to join them on many occasions, but again, Kokichi didn’t want to be that third wheel. 

Kaito DOES have feelings for both Shuichi and Kokichi, but was most unsure,for the longest time, about how he felt with Kokichi. It took Shuichi’s talks to finally get him to understand and comes to terms, damn, he’s also in love with this rat. 

It was when Kokichi didn’t come home for about a week, that Kaito confessed when he just suddenly came back. Of course, he was shouted at  Kokichi and they got in an argument, and just everything that was buried blew up there and then. Shuichi just comforted them both after the argument with his gentleness. 

They ALL just started dated afterwards, although it was hard for Kaito and Kokichi to become closer. Kokichi easily warmed up to Shuichi first, since he just always felt closer to the detective? He was just on edge for awhile about if Kaito’s feelings were true. But he warmed up to him eventually. 

For a long while, Shuichi would be middle spoon (haha) since Kokichi’s and Kaito’s uncertainty. But once Kokichi warmed up to Momota, he just scooted himself between the two of them during one of their cuddling sessions. Kaito looked dumbfounded and then looked at Shuichi like he just earned the trust of a stray cat. Like, “LOOK, SHUICHI, HE’S TRUSTING ME” silently with a big dumb smile. 

After then, Kokichi loves being the centre of attention for both of them. He loves being middle spoon but also let’s Shuichi be middle too bc he loves cuddle him. 

Their usual dates are to a nearby park, mainly if they need a breather from any stress, one of them will suggest or just force them to go to the park. And they all know that it means that they just want to the best for each other. 

Shuichi is usually the one to come home and find a mess of the apartment from Kaito and Kokichi. And gives them a “really?” look as they point fingers at each other. 

Kaito eventually gets a job, Shuichi was the first to get a job to support them, but that left Kokichi alone. And he was so clingy when they got back, he demanded SO MUCH ATTENTION once they came home. And whined about being bored all day without them. 

When they all have their bad day, they just cuddle up together and take a nap and just relax. Although Kaito will be the one to try and cheer them up later in the night by stargazing. 

Shuichi loves talking about the novels he reads to his boyfriends even though they don’t know what he’s talking about most of the time or understand, Shuichi knows but really appreciate them just taking interest in something so small. It means so much to him. 

Kokichi is the last one to wake up in the morning, and Shuichi and Kaito always debate to wake him up before they go to work. He’ll whine if he doesn’t get a goodbye from them and he’ll whine just out of grouchiness of being woken up. So it’s always flip a coin and it’s always, “it’s your turn, Shuichi” “Kaito, it was my turn yesterday” 

SURPRISE THEY GET MARRIED AND MOVE INTO A NICE HOUSE LATER. And they also get a dog,, 

AND THAT’S THAT, IM SO SORRY BUT HERE’S ALL MY HEADCANONS, TAKE ‘EM 

[whistling-choir-blog]

30/8/18

SOMEONE TALK ME DOWN FROM THIS HIGH BC I’M SURE IT’S ALL IN MY HEAD AND THERE’S A LOGICAL EXPLANATION BUT ABGAEBROIFJN4Q3AE

this turned out long and ranty so I made a tldr at the end lmao

I’ve been gone for the past two or so days and I only just now got back to class and uhhhh 

it’s kinda hard to explain without background + a map because I have a really weird, spread-out campus- no hallways, everything is outside except the classes themselves, and a lot of the buildings are very separate. The actual classrooms are rectangular one-story building blocks with 4 or 5 classes per block, and then there’s another ‘rectangle’ next to that one, and so on and so forth

basically- I was walking AWAY from the high school area (towards the library) and saw my tc + another teacher walking TOWARDS the high school area- they didn’t see me because even though we were in the same direction we were on different levels. I was on the top of a hill and he was towards the bottom, which leads to a different route.

got to the library, got my stuff, doubled back the way I’d came. I’m straight up gonna ugly draw this bc it’s hard to explain

Okay so at this point I had stopped, the classroom a door down from his, because a couple friends had ran into me and got really excited when they saw I was back and not dying. So they were hugging me really tightly and I couldn’t move and just sorta stood there and I saw him coming up towards his room.

He turned to his door- he was about to unlock it- then he turned to me and we made eye contact and I mouthed ‘help me’ and he raised his eyebrows. 

And then he turned away from his door, walked toward us, and casually asked what was up. 

Me: I was sick. TC: Oh! Where you not in school? Me (kinda crushed that he didn’t notice): Nah, only for two days.  TC: Really sick? Me: Really really sick.

The usual jazz u know. 

Anyways he was walking past us as he said that- but then he stood there and waited for me. I actually had to go back that way again so we started walking together and then just talked about Stuff like usual. 

Then we split- I had to go to the science buildings and apparently he had to go to the top of the hill? which is where he was already at? I figured he just left something there or whatever and only remembered when he got to his room and I didn’t ask bc that would be creepy and even though I run a blog about the dude I’m not creepy. 

Got my stuff, doubled back again, but this time for the rectangular building across my my tc’s room, meaning I could see it and hear what was happening. Yet again, I pass by just as he goes back up to his room- it looked like he went up the hill, crossed down to the lower hill, and took the same route back? he basically just did a circle? And he didn’t stop for anything, based on the time.

Also, he ran into the teacher he had been walking with early and I heard her ask why he circled around again but got pulled into class before she could answer sooo it’s not just me :) here’s another ugly drawing to illustrate what’s up. I put a cross where I had to leave him for bio.

tl;dr: It kinda looks like he went the extra mile (well, a couple of feet at least) just to talk to me? Like he acted like he had somewhere to go and something to do just so he could walk by me and wait for me and talk to me??? BUT WAIT THERE’S MORE bc he said he didn’t know I wasn’t in school and apparently he had asked another teacher where I was? Because he noticed I wasn’t there? And lied to me why??? So I could tell him myself????? and furthermore he casually said that he didn’t think any seniors were turning 18 and would be legal before they graduated this year and I was like ‘bitch I’ll be 18 in November’ and he acted all shocked but I just I know I’m making this all up in my head but it’s fun and I’m happy! I really like him! I’m happy when I talk to him! He makes me happy when I feel shitty! whatever!

[zombiepineapple]

ULTIMATE Binary Addressing Explanation

The binary system is based on digits. Remember “bi” means 2. A bit, or “binary digit”, is a signal, either 1 or 0, on or off. In networking, data is translated from plaintext to bits and vice versa in order to communicate between devices.

Each decimal value is 8 bits which represent a number either on or off: the bit is 1 or 0

Now to figure out the value each bit stands for, start at the end of the octet and label that 8th bit to represent the number 1. This means that if that bit is off, it equals 0. If it’s on, it equals 1.

Now, having started assigning values to the bits, going to the left from the 8th  and rightmost, assign the value of the other octets DOUBLE the previous number.

Here’s an example. The top half are the values of these binary digits. The bottom row simply shows that all but two of these bits have been turned on (1 is on, 0 is off). So to find the number that this octet represents, we’ll add 128+64+32+16+8+4+0+0 = 252

252 is the decimal value of 11111100 Binary. Of course there are other things that can be represented like letters, characters, or symbols.

A MAC address is a physical name on a device. Part of that number will be the manufacturer designation. The other half of the MAC address is NIC number, which is used in the NIC for the datalink of sending information from a device onto a network. The number can tell you a bunch of other things as well (see below, image By Inductiveload, modified/corrected by Kju - SVG drawing based on PNG uploaded by User:Vtraveller. This image can be found on Wikipedia here., CC BY-SA 2.5, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=1852032).

Figuring out who is who in the world wide web can seem particularly tricky. This is where “addressing” comes into play. A device or port is given a 32-bit (32 on/off range) IP address. Each bit represents a number.

First, separate the 32 bits into four octets. (4 octets is 32 total; 4x8=32)

It will look like:

###.###.###.####

Each #### is a decimal number, so it’s 8 bits which are either on or off: 1 or 0

(For clarity, I’m repeating myself a little)

Now to figure out the number each bit in each octet will stand for, start at the end of each octect and label that 8th bit to represent the number 1. This means that if that bit is off, it equals 0. If it’s on, it equals 1.

Now, having started assigning values to the bits in each octet, going to the left from each 8th, assign the value of the other octets DOUBLE the previous number.

Here’s an example. The top half are the values of these binary digits. The bottom row simply shows that all of these bits have been turned on (1 is on, 0 is off). So to find the number that this octet represents, we’ll add 128+64+32+16+8+4+2+1 = 255

A subnet mask is like having two IP addresses, and it helps to imagine one on top of the other. One to be the actual address of a device, and the other to tell us what part of that address is that device’s network versus it’s individual device assignment (given to it by its network).

A subnet mask decides what gets locked and what doesn't. If it isn't locked, the numbers get to spread through to be assigned to devices on our network. Every network needs the “all zero” address for the Network Address, the first IP Address for the router in charge of it, and the (all 1’s) last IP Address for broadcast messages.

So the subnet shows your network name, and what the subnet says is unlocked are numbers that can be given out to individual devices. Like if our first and last names were backwards:

My last name is the part of my IP address that the subnet has locked. I can’t change my last name, it’s the same as my family’s. The part of my IP address that the subnet has unlocked (off, set to 0) is my first name in this analogy. It represents my individual designation in my family network.

Locked is network.

Unlocked is host.

Subnets work by enabling/disabling a set number of bits. Network, range, and broadcast address is bc I know the default mask bc I saw the IP address. A whole bit turned on, subnet 255 bc all its numbers are set to 1, that means that its corresponding bit on top cannot be changed.

For example, let’s say you were given the network 192.168.2.0 and subnet mask 225.225.255.0 from your ISP. You cannot USE 192.168.2.0 for a specific device because it’s your network’s name. Since three out of the four octets’ bits are all maxed out in our subnet adding up each to 225, we know that there are 24 out of the 32 possible bits in an address set to 1’s and locked and active. So to simplify things we can just say our network address is 192.168.2.0/24. This is called CIDR notation, or classless inter-domain routing notation.

Don’t forget that 192.168.2.1 will be your router and 192.168.2.255 will be reserved for broadcasting (if you router needs to send a packet to ALL your devices at once).

Let’s say you’ve added your first computer to this network and the DHCP assigns it as 192.168.2.2

This computer’s network address is 192.168.2.0, its client address is 0.0.0.2 (the half of its IP that isn’t locked by the subnet), and its gateway will be the closest interface (port), heading out of the network, which is our router: 192.168.2.1

So the default gateway is the router. There is a HUGE difference between the default gateway and the gateway of last resort, which looks like 0.0.0.0, and just tells the system to figure it out, it doesn’t know where to send a packet.

REMEMBER: DO NOT ping gateway of last resort on routers. If configuring a router, tell it what to do so it doesn’t send anything to 0.0.0.0 EVER and it has somewhere to send things always, worst case scenario.

So at this point, you’re asking, well how do I keep all these different subnetted IP addresses organized? Well there are different categories.

Three IP address ranges can only be used for in-home designation. These three ranges are not routable outside a house.

Class A 10.0.0.0 - 10.255.255.255; Default mask 255.0.0.0; example 10.0.0.2/8

Class B 172.16.0.0 - 172.31.0.0; Default mask 255.255.0.0; example 172.17.3.3/16

Class C 192.168.0.0 - 192.168.255.255; Default mask 255.255.255.0; example 192.168.255.253/24

If your computer wants to send information outside its network, it goes through the process of NAT (network address translation) and your network is assigned a temporary public IP Address for the data packet to say it came from. There are five classes of public IP Addresses:

Class A 0.0.0.0 - 126.255.255.255; example 8.8.8.8 (the address for Google!)

Class B 128.0.0.0 - 191.255.255.255; example 150.0.0.1

Class C 192.0.0.0 - 223.255.255.255; example 200.200.200.200

Class D 224.0.0.0 - 239.255.255.255; example 224.0.0.2

Class D is used for multicast addresses, which is when one host needs to send a message to multiple other hosts, kind of like a broadcast.

Class E 240.0.0.0 - 254.255.255.255; example 254.255.255.252

Class E addresses are reserved for research.

Here are IPv4 addresses mapped out by ownership:

Keep in mind, everything here is only IPV4. IPV6 is its own beast. 😊

[buckygirl-fanfiction]

Psychedelic Love - Sparks Chapter 37

Word Count: 3K

Warnings: SMUT! drug use.

Summary: You get high and share a moment with Bucky and end up making love. The beautiful moment is then shattered when he finds out.

A/N: you all better enjoy this bc its 5:30 am and I spent all night writing it.

September 29, 2017

y/n’s POV

I'm alone. Utterly and completely alone. Even Effy, Effy who's the most destructive person I've ever known, has deserted me. What does that say about me?

I’m sat in the dark staring at the ceiling of my living room. The dark space of the room is lit only by the streetlights streaming in through the half open window. I pick up my head and look towards the street. It’s oddly calm outside, a surprising warm spell has come over the entire city erasing any signs of the upcoming fall and exhibiting a climate that is reminiscent of mid July rather than late September. It’s a perfect night for a walk. Although the spark i’d once feel at the prospect of a relaxing late night wander no longer ignites within me. It’s all just rather bland… and quiet. It’s times like this i’d usually go out seeking a party or a cheap thrill but even that seemed… disinteresting.

Instead I opted to take a equally as destructive yet more subtle route. I blew out the grey smoke in a large puff and stood up making my way towards my bedroom looking for some bottoms to wear on my midnight wander through central park. I chose something that would give me the least hassle to pull on in my giddy state, a mini skirt.

Walking through the park wasn’t as thrilling as i’d hoped it to be. It was also bland… the high as good as it was wasn’t evoking any of the emotions I desperately craved to feel. What else made me feel good? You know what makes you feel good. You know who makes you feel good. I tried to ignore the destructive little thoughts rising from within me yet somehow I found myself exactly where I shouldn’t be.

I walked past the security guard with my head down, giving him a quick glance and smile not wanting to be seen like this by anyone. Once the metal doors closed and I was inside the safe confines of the elevator I press the button to his floor. I catch sight of my red eyes in the shiny metal doors and dig into my purse hoping to find eyedrops. He isn’t the type to take advantage of me when i’m vulnerable and right now I just really… really want to be taken advantage of. I tilt my head back putting drops in each eye, blinking a couple times, and hoping the crimson tint fades away quickly. The elevator doors slide open and I automatically walk towards his apartment.

I wait outside his door for a long minute. I know the code. I could enter it and find myself in his warm bed like I had done countless times before. But it wasn’t complicated back then was it? I finally bring myself to knock on his door and it opens to his worn face. He look tired although I knew he hadn’t been asleep. It was around 1am and he usually drifts off around 2.

“Hi,” he says. HIs dark circle set eyes brighten up a little as they land on my face. “What are you doing here?” He asks a ghost of a smile beginning to spread over his face, yet even with it he looks somber somehow.

He takes a step back and lets me in through the door. I feel warmer the instant i’m inside. Just the atmosphere of his presence seems to warm me and I feel myself physically rise higher every passing moment. I walk towards his couch and let myself fall against it. My legs hang freely off the end and my eyes follow his form as he walks around me and sits on the chair adjacent. I turn my head and my body to face him. I’m laying on my stomach now regarding him curiously. I’m at ease, I feel free, quite out of character for the moment. For a second it feels like old times and I realize it’s not. I’m not free because things have changed, i’m free because i’m high. Things are just as complicated as they’ve always been. I push the thought out of my mind refusing to ruin the euphoria I feel pulsing through my veins and finally answer the question he posed to me at the door. “I wanted to see you,” I say smiling softly.

He returns the smile as he watches me from his position on the chair. He’s sat leaning forward with his elbows on his knees. His hair is pulled back into a bun with stray strands sticking out. I want to reach forward and brush them behind his ear. I want to run my fingers through his scruffy stubble. It’s amassed over the last couple weeks into an almost beard. So I do. I feel no longer restrained by my fears: of one day losing him if I let him too close, of getting hurt if I let him in. I reach forward and tuck the loose strands behind his ear and gently stroke his face. He closes his eyes and his lips part. He leans into my palm like a cat does when someone strokes its face. I giggle at his reaction. He opens his eyes at the sound and they crinkle at the corners as he smiles.

“Is that all?” He asks softly in reply. “Because if you came here to seduce me, congrats doll it worked… I’m seduced.”

I push myself up playfully on all fours before getting up from the sofa and walking towards him. I take my rightful place on his lap and sit astride him. He leans back into the cushions and watches me carefully with a genuine smile still plastered on his face. I lean forward and kiss him softly slipping my tongue into his mouth. I pull him forwards and wrap my arms around his neck pulling him closer to me. When we separate I look into his eyes and ask him something i’d never have said if I were lucid, “Do you love me?” I don’t wait for an answer instead I move my lips to his neck and begin to kiss and bite and suck every inch of viable skin.

“Yes,” He moans tilting his head back, “Always.”

“Then… Take me… to your… bed… and… make… love… to me,” I say kissing his neck, face, lips in between each word. At the last syllable I look up into his eyes and loose myself.

For a brief second I realize how desperately and pathetically in love I sound. It doesn’t sound like me, the words that come out of my mouth. Or maybe it does. Maybe it sounds like unharmed past me, before everything happened. It’s amazing what a little pot can do to abate your fears.

He picks me up and I wrap my legs around him clinging onto him trying to maximize our contact. My arms around his neck bringing his lips to mine I feel a sense of elation, complete and pure bliss. In my stoned state everything is intensified. Every single moment feels longer than it actually is.

I feel him place me gently down on the bed and I lay back down watching him watch me. He slowly moves over me and helps me out of my top. I’m not wearing a bra and he takes advantage of the situation by leaning over and gently biting and sucking on my nipple. It’s intensified, its all intensified and so amazing that mere mortal words could never describe the experience of it all. I tilt my head back into his soft comforter and feel his hands slowly slip down my waist towards my skirt. I feel him pull at the elastic band and slide it off along with my panties. His mouth follows the directions his hands took and I feel his tongue on my stomach, my hips, my thighs… And suddenly I feel sad.

The bittersweet thing about marijuana is not that it always makes you feel happy. It doesn’t. It’s not as simple as an upper. It makes you feel intensely what you already feel. That’s what it does. Simple as that and I suddenly realize something that brings me down real fast. I suddenly sit up. His eyes shoot up from his position between my legs and he looks at me questioningly.

I hurt him. I put my hands on his face and bring it up to mines. I hurt him and suddenly that thought grieves me immensely and I feel my eyes water. He patiently waits for me to react and I quickly blink away a tear and tell him, “I love you, you know that right?” I ask.

“Yes,” he moans softly and I lean in to kiss him again. I shift forcing him on his back and positioning him in between my legs I can feel his rigid length under me and I slowly rub myself against it. I feel the electric sensation everywhere. I pull him up and help him pull off his t-shirt and begin to leave a trail of soft kisses on his collarbone and chest and the scars around where his old arm metal was once welded. He groans when I do this and I pull away and look at him again. “I love you…” I sigh. “I love your face,” I say kissing his cheek, “... and your mouth,” I say planting a passionate kiss on his lips. “And your hair,” I say unknotting the bun he’s wearing and running my fingers through his scalp. He closes his eyes and leans into my hands. “And your heart,” I say slowly beginning to kiss a trail down his chest, “and your soul…” I’m at his stomach now and I slowly pull down the pair of black boxers he’s wearing and lick my way down his happy trail. I grasp him in my hand and I see him tilt his head back and hear him moan. As he looks back down at me I finish my thought and say, “and you…” Before I can pop what I want into my mouth I’m suddenly thrown on my back and I feel him pushing my legs apart. I feel his searing kiss on my lips and my neck. I feel his warm hand squeeze my breasts and pinch my nipple and squeeze my thighs. I feel him push into me slowly at first doing his very best to maintain control and a steady slow place. I feel him fall apart and lose his composure and shove into my giving me no time to adjust. I feel him kiss me again this time his tongue exploring every inch of my mouth. I feel him strain against me as he pumps into me trying his best to slow his pace. When he fails he flips us over and now i’m left on top. He sits up so were nose to nose and I begin to follow the pace he set earlier and rock down onto him.

“No please,” he groans almost as if he’s in pain. “Slowly, be slow. I want this to last.” He begs and it tugs at my chest.

I slow my movements as much as I can and glue my lips to his resigning myself to the euphoria that is invading every inch of my being. We continue like this for as long as I can bear and then I’m shattered. I feel the waves of my orgasm radiating out from me in concentric circles of bright color. He’s right behind me and he hugs me almost crushing me as he pours into me, his head buried in my neck. And like that it’s over.

He falls back and I fall with him. I’m lying on top of him and we say nothing for a second. I push off of him and try to roll off but he holds me firmly refusing to let me go.

“Bucky,” I groan. “Let me go.”

“Never,” he says squeezing me playfully and I giggle.

“I love that sound,” he says, “It’s been so long since i’ve heard it.”

He finally releases me and I push myself off of him and rest myself on my elbows looking at him. “You should let this grow out,” I say tugging at the small hairs of his almost beard.

“Hmm, should I?” He asks.

“Yes, I like it.”

“Steve says I look like a caveman.”

“I like sexy cavemen,” I say giggling and I hear him chuckle for the first time tonight. I think he realizes the oddness of the occurrence for the first time. He realizes that something's different and I pray he doesn’t question it. But he does.

“You’re different,” he says sitting up. Whatever spell that was over us a couple minutes ago has faded away and I fear whatever's to come.

“No i’m not,” I smile looking up at him.

“Yes you are,” He repeats questions beginning to rise in his mind. Questions that I don’t want to face. “You’re still here.” He notes. “You never stay.” He’s right the handful of times we’ve done this before i’ve never stayed. I’ve always told him off or kicked him out or left myself.

“What if I said I wanted to stay?” I reply.

“Why,” he asks refusing to drop the topic.

“Because I want to stay,” I say giggling and pushing myself up and once again sitting astride him. I try to close the distance between us but he holds me back regarding me questioningly. “What’s wrong?” I say laughing a little too hard.

“You’re high…” He says almost as if he can read my mind. He’s just realized it. If he’d before he would have never done this. His face instantly begins to drop and I see an expression that can only be described as betrayal.

“Yeah maybe? So what. It doesn’t matter.” I say smiling trying to pull his face towards mine again. “Come on fuck me again. It felt amazing.”

“No!” He says almost angrily now. He lifts me off of him and stands up trying to maximize the distance between us. “Why?” He asks. “Why would you ruin such a beautiful moment by….” He can’t even bring himself to say the words and I suddenly feel a great break in my heart. A great sense of guilt and since i’m still stoned it’s only more painful and intensified. I try to blink back the tears but i’m failing fast.

He walks away from me and I think he’s about to leave for a second and I feel pure terror and panic. But he doesn’t instead he walks towards his dresser and pulls out one of his grey shirts and a pair of drawstring pajama pants and throws it towards me.

“Put on some clothes.” That’s all he says. His voice is kind and that's the only thing that keeps me from breaking down.

“Why?” I say playfully trying to bring back the moment. I sit up on my knees and say, “come back to bed.”

“y/n please.” He says and even just his tone causes me pain.

I pick up the shirt and put it on and stand up and pull on the overly large pants tying them snugly to me with a secure knot. I walk towards the bedroom door assuming I should leave. When I feel his hand on my wrist. “Don’t go,” he says again in that kind disappointed voice that just tears me apart. It would be better if he’d yelled or told me off or kicked me out.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to ruin it.” I say in the strongest voice I can muster. No I refuse to cry. I am strong.

“Why?” He asks simply.

“Because I missed you and I wanted to see you.” I reply. I didn’t have an answer.

“So you could have just come and saw me. Why did you have to… Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because I knew if you knew you wouldn’t have…” I say trailing off.

“So what am I to you? Just another drug to use when you need to feel something?” He asks and the words hit me deeper than anything has hurt me throughout my entire life.

“No.” I say instantly taking a step towards him and he takes a step back.

“I’m sorry okay, i’ll go.” I say turning around.

“No. Don’t go… i’ll sleep on the couch.”

“No you don’t--” he cuts me off and walks towards the door.

“Just go to sleep y/n. Please.”

“Because I wouldn't have come if I was sober okay.” I say cutting in before he has a chance to leave. He doesn’t turn instead simply stands still listening. “You don’t understand okay. How scared I am. I’m always scared and it pervades every second of my existence every inch of my being of my world. And it’s so hard… you don’t understand how hard it is to be strong. And you scare me okay. Because if I love you one day you might die out there saving the world and i’m scared of what happens next. I don’t think I can live with that. So I was scared. But today. For just one brief second when I came here I wasn’t scared anymore. But you’re right. I can’t be high all the time and you can’t stop saving the world. So if I wasn’t high this wouldn’t have happened. I would have been too scared to do anything and i’m sorry okay. I’m sorry for being weak.” I sit down on the bed and realize just how much information i’d just volunteered about myself. “Wonderful thing about being high right… I’m not scared to tell you all this….” I trail off and let out a “ha.”

He still refuses to turn around and face me and that hurts me more than anything. But, I guess it’s fair because I’m not innocent in the hurting department. “You’re not weak. You’re the strongest person I know.” He says, “Go to sleep y/n,” with that he walks out of the room and i’m alone again in the dark.

I know its been like 10 years since I updated Sparks.