#bc I won’t be able to. my friends have suggested having me board Chloe

[psychoticwillgraham]

looked up exactly how the surgery I’d need would go and now I’m fucking crying bc it’s worse than I thought and it’s WAY bigger of a deal than i think and it’s just. Scaring the fuck out of me. bc if it’s this severe enough to be impacting me like it is, then I’m gonna have to have surgery, no doubt. technically it’s skull surgery and proper brain surgery, but still. they’re cutting into my fucking head and while the chances of anything going wrong are astronomically low, i’m still gonna worry. if I would’ve waited any longer I could’ve easily become paralyzed. this IS a big fucking deal. isn’t it.

[survivor-rebelsvsroyals]

EPISODE 4: PLEASE JUST GIVE US A SWAP-CHLOE

Why am I still here???

me when i read the challenge: omg i love flash games and states and sporcle, this is gonna be a delight!!! me after actually playing the fucking game: https://youtu.be/FveF-we6lcE

*later* 

love hozier so much. he’s the only thing keeping me alive rn. whilst i waste away. HEY AT LEAST I KNOW WHERE ALL THE FUCKIN STATES ARE RIGHT!!!!

Sooooo we finally get flash games. Of course I was asleep when they were being handed out so I ended up with fucking winterbells. Yeehaw I guess time to go let a million bunnies fall to their death.

okurrrrr. Incase we did some kind of swap I talked to Amanda and RTP about like becoming a trio and who they like so I can make sure I like them so we can all work together better in the future. According to both of them we all like the same people? Being Linus and Seamus. RTP suggested being a trio, maybe making a chat, and then also making a chat with the 5 of us in it which Amanda liked too. We'd probably have to wait until actual tribal to put it into motion. Also Dane suggested to wage 3 points on me cause he knows I'm good at flash games and I hate that he knows me cause I would've suggested the same thing If I was awake for that deadline. It's driving me crazy his dumb bitch ass is here cause I keep missing him.

also fuck this flash game i hate trex i don't wanna go to work i hope this score holds up.

I'm done. I literally just want to give up. I'm just sat here crying because it all feels so pointless. We're gonna swap, I'll get swapfucked and then that's that I guess. Won't have proved that I'm not a shit player lolllll guess that's maybe true. I've been doing terrible in challenges. I'm tired. I want to quit. This is all so fucking dumb.

wow i just told dane about how much i hate myself and he told me i was smart and pretty and amazing...i feel loved for the first time in my godforsaken life!!!! i hope he does not betray me bc i love him. hes my new best friend. dane if u r reading this i love u.

Shout out to all the other royals for DRAGGING MY ASS THROUGH THAT CHALLENGE, my score was humiliating compared to Raffy’s... I’m trying not to call attention to it, LOL. That is karma for me acting like him for that video challenge I’m sure 😳 Sorry my confessions are pretty boring these days... nothing new to report.

I cannot believe we lost again. I'm so over being on this tribe at this point. I just want a swap to happen, but that just means I'll be at the bottom with people I don't know. It's such a double-edged sword. At this point, I'll take whatever comes my way as long as I don't go to tribal for the rest of pre-merge. For this tribal, I think that Trace is the vote sadly. I really like him a lot, but he is outside all the alliances that were made. By voting Trace, I don't betray anyone and keep my hands clean with two different 5 person alliances. Also, Trace must feel like an outsider at this point so if there is a swap, would he be willing to vote with Rebels? I'm not too sure. I guess this is just the hand I was dealt, so I have to deal with it.

tribal number 4 ! woo ! love when i’m probably gonna get thrown under the bus for the vote when i had basically no say in my role in the challenge <3 honestly sick as fuck of raffy dictating everything but i’m not petty enough to vote him for it. dan might be but he’s too emotional for his own good i think. raffy is loyal to me. he’ll sink himself by being so loud later. if i swap with him, chances are the numbers won’t be on my side, and he’s someone that would alienate people much faster than i would. i’d be able to flip on raffy no problem. but in the meantime, he stays in my pocket and dan will have to suck it up ig! i’ve already lied to trace, he’s most likely voted against dan, he and i have no loyalty to each other, and he’s more likely to skate by utr in a swap scenario so he needs to go. i’m not worried about an idol play, obviously, but i can see there being something else. an extra vote or a vote steal or smth. i think i have enough of the numbers that it won’t matter but. definitely something to keep in mind.

So like.... a swap HAS to be coming up soon.. The royals won their 4TH immunity in a row and I'm extremely happy because i truly believe that the first time I don't have immunity, I will leave. HOWEVER, now I have very strong arguments if the swap is happening. There is a VERY tight 6 in the rebels tribe which i clocked since the second tribal that consists of Dan, Asya, Raffy, Chloe, Lachlan, and John. They have all consistently left Trace out of votes and they continue to vote as a 6 (even with a large majority as well. They aren't splitting votes and I'm more convinced that one of those 6 have an idol already due to them putting all their votes onto one person). These 6 do NOT plan on splitting up. I think my best chance would convincing the royals to just stick together for a little bit longer, possibly just to split up a couple duos in there. Just based off of the tribal council, Raffy and Chloe seem to be really close. Raffy is that annoying gay and Chloe is that white girl who think gays are an accessory so he's just YAS SLAYING HER LIFE OKUR! The other duo I think is Asya and Dan, those 2 have been known in the BB community to be relatively close so I wouldn't be surprised if they are working together this game. The only issue with splitting up Asya and Dan is that Amanda (a royal) is also friends with those 2 rebels. So my best bet is sadly teaming up with the two Ryans who have a very obvious F2 to get out Dan, and I know Ryan would be more than happy to get out Dan since Ryan M plays these games very personally and like Dan called him fat or whatever. However I told Ryan M to kill himself before so I might be his prime target before Dan.... so who knows !!!

This whole situation sucks. I really don’t want Trace to go home but there is literally nothing I can do about it. I floated Raffy’s name by Asya because I trust her the most and she just wasn’t into it. It would 100% be a crackhead move but I do trust Trace a lot.... and he’s just nice to chat with (and look at). Trace wants to do Chloe and honestly I trust her a lot too so I’m not willing to roll the dice and lose other allies if the Chloe vote doesn’t pan out. What will really shock me is if I’m booted tonight. That would be fucking hilarious. I feel weird in this game because we constantly have to go to tribal and vote someone out. Come swap time, we’re gonna be fucked no matter what. It’s all such a mess haha

Trace throwing my name to people as if they're actually gonna get on board with that. Lol ok sis you do you I guess. He's in my DMs like ooooh no I think I'm going home, but I fully know he's been messaging Raffy, John, Asya and Dan asking them to vote me and he thinks that he has the numbers for it skskks. Idk what the craic is, part of me is saying he's gonna be messy and pull an idol and I'm going to go home tonight even though he will have majority votes against him. Guess I'll be getting 17th all over again, how fun xoxo

*a little bit later*

I am for the life of me BEGGING that we have a swap next. Please please please can we have a swap. PLEASE JUST GIVE US A SWAP. I would like a SHOT at being immune for once.

*Chloe sitting on a rock as the camera man zooms in*

This round has fully caused me so so many emotions. Last night I just had a whole ass breakdown and wanted to quit because I just feel this is entirely pointless and no matter what happens I'm going to get swap fucked and I probably wont make it to merge. I still feel this way I'm not going to lie. I've entirely lost all hope, I could quit but I also feel like that in itself is pointless. I came here to fight and prove that I am in fact not a shit player, so, here's hoping I can manoeuvre my way through this somehow and come out the other end into merge at least, that would be nice.