#bc I realize it sounds weird without the context of the video it’s from

[britishdisasters]

.

[angelfevr]

❤️️❤️️❤️️ :3

i have multiple wips so i'll talk abt All of them

this may get long, so.

icdwd - aka i couldn't dance with death if i tried!! its a zero escape fic mostly exploring a potential (loveless) relationship between akane and mira. its abt a lot of things i realize i never rlly touched upon in my other works?? for context im aromantic and i like. Constantly talk abt it even to my allo friends esp abt the constant amatonormativity the world likes to throw at us. specfically how ppl feel pressured to be in a relationship. why? well, various reasons: to fit in, to be seen as "more mature" (aspecs tend to experience infantilization and this doubles if ur autistic), to be seen as human, bc u feel like itll make u whole, bc u dont realize theres another option!! ive always hced my favs as aro ever since i realized it, but i always used to focus on the ace part of my identity. so i never rlly got to write a fic that explores aromanticism, aside from a fic i wrote four years ago in which leorio and kurapika hxh r in a qpr

another thing is i have ocd and for that reason, i dont like to write abt sexual topics . but in this fic, ive been sorta delving into that (its literally nothing just a fade to black that immediately goes to like the character waking up in another character's bedroom) and idk i think it shows my growth in a way?? that im willing to finally write that stuff without my ocd trying to kill me??? idk its . smth

im also having a Lot of fun writing akane and miras dynamic. i think, with me hcing them as aro (akanes aroace and miras an aro lesbian), i feel itd stand out more compared to other mirakane fanworks and interpretations . like this isnt a relationship ur supposed to root for!!! its abusive, its messy, its Uncomfortable, gory, and both women have ulterior motives. idk i like writing abt two unabashedly flawed queer women and having them navigate a relationship when one has no experience while the other has experience but whose disability prevents them from connecting w others (akane has a similar struggle), idk!! its an interesting dynamic

queerpei - i like a lot of the descriptions i wrote. im so used to writing akane that its soooo weird writing in the headspace of anyone else. but junpeis introspection is fun, like he has a mind of his own... i have this experience when writing akane (im plural so. go figure) and even when writing diana

angelus custos - so im kinda in the planning stage for this one but . Wow. im so proud of myself and how far ive come with this project, and just in general?? i used to primarily be a fic writer until 2018, when i decided to dabble in making my own characters. its always been bittersweet, bc my friends (all artists, never writers) would tell me to just make ocs instead of fanfic and my 12-14 yr old self would always be upset by that. so my characters never rlly came into their own so to speak

until This Year. ive been watching this rlly awesome youtuber named local script man. he's a screenwriter but a lot of his advice can apply to writing as well. i dont remember which video it was, but he talked abt how a characters' motivations can serve as fuel for smth deeper, like an insecurity for example. which THEN can serve as a backstory. and idky but it all clicked in my head?? character work became so much easier when i applied this to my process. i no longer had trouble w coming up w things that seemed to come naturally to most. bc i Know im good at fleshing out characters, i just needed to know how to do it for original work, even tho ive had friends praise my characters in the past

but yeah thats prob the best part of the story rn . im still having trouble w what their voices would sound like, speech patterns and the like, but thatd prob come around when i actually write the damn thing lol

BtSoyT - the idea itself has me so excited!!! ive been watching some horror movies, specifically recs from my friend @zebatverse hehe, and idk i feel like ive been getting more inspo and knowing what i'd wanna do if i were to write horror . i have several other ideas besides this in my notebook but this is one i wanna write the most. i even made a moodboard for it ^_^

[yelenapines]

vent bcs i am abt to commit murder what the fuck

cw: swearing, homophobia, vent

oh my fucking GOD. WHAT THE FUCK. WHAT THE ACTUAL GODDAMNED FUCK. I AM. WHAT.

so i'm minding my business, going on about my day. it's lunch time, i'm eating with my "friends" and then they suddenly go, all concerned "Ines. (thts my name). 😐We saw a pin saved on your pinterest😐. saying that everyone should be gay.🥺 something about god saying eveyone should be gay.🥺" (for context, i think they're talking abt a video of a girl obviously JOKING saying that you should be gay because then you don't have to abort. (was satire on "Christian" logic. She was so obviously joking i can't omfg)) anyways. so internally i'm like here we fucking go. bcs ik my "friends" and i know where these convos usually go "wHy DoN't YoU lIkE gUyS" and shit like that. Obvi at first i'm like calm. I tell them it's a joke. then friend to my right goes super serious and shaking her head like "It wasn't a joke. it wasn't" (again, it was a joke). so i'm like for your own sake i'm gonna stop you from continuing right there. So then i'm kinda bothered by this as i continue eating bcs like. IT'S A FUCKING JOKE HOW STUPID CAN YOU BE. so I get up and✨leave✨ to the library. and then for the rest of the day they're MAD AT ME and IGNORE ME. I'm sorry but do you realize how fucking stupid you're acting? Like bbg. I'm sorry a gay joke offended you🥺 next time i won't have gay jokes saved to my pinterest only HETEROSEXUALITY ND THE GOOD FAITH IN OUR LORD AMEN FUCK GAY PEOPLE (/sar!) ok aside from that. why were you stalking me weirdos??  i find it hilarious that this whole conversation got to exist because it must have been something like this. "Ahhhh I'm bored what should we do?" "Hey let's stalk Ines's pinterest😄"  "Great idea! We definitely don't act liike toddlers!!😆😆"  *sees video. everything in life crashes down. the world turns dark. there is only despair, dishonnor and betrayal. life is over and joy is no more* "😰😰😰" "*tearing up* we need to talk to her. this is such a serious matter and concern worthy 🥺. we have to rid her from this DEMON. to the extortion room!" and then sat down at lunch looked me dead in the eye and asked about it. I'm actually lmfao right now i- Bae. (not my bae) I. I am speechless. I am FLABBERGASTED. HOW- how would you see a joke abt how everyone should be gay and take it so seriously😭. do you genuinely think that we're actually gonna convert everyone to be gay and cause extinction?? 💀 HOW. they took it so to heart i'm dead 😭😭.  dk why you were so concerned and later on deathstaring and ignoring me but have fun at being mad ig. you sound ridiculous and like a 5 year old. also do you know how fucking ANNOYING it is that my ONE friend who's not homophobic or makes weird comments or questions is the one friend who keeps hurting me and I need to cut off. And guess what? I would rather be her friend ANYTIME. if i had to choose, she would be first choice, without question. i am sick and tired and would be better off without any of you bitch ass motherfuckers. 

I hope you enjoyed our friendship and when i was there for you. Have a nice life.

[bluemoon-writer]

Childhood Friends AU: Marikim part 4

In which two dumbasses fall in love

AN: You don't have to read the previous parts to understand this one, but it might add a little context. parts 1-3 are only headcanons about their friendship though, there's nothing romantic included unlike in this part.

Read them here: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3

-Kim catches feelings first

-he doesn’t realize it at first, but ever since Lila accused him of having feelings for Mari he started wondering what dating her would be like

-they would be doing something mundane like homework, or walking to school together, and he would start to wonder how different it would be if they were dating.

-he assumes they would hold hands, maybe give each other quick kisses when no was looking

-and he starts to think that he wouldn’t mind holding hands with Marinette or kissing her

-just as friends tho, because he totally does not have a crush on her

-but then, Ondine confesses to him

-and his first thought is ‘but I like Marinette’

-he says that out loud though

-“oh shit, I’m sorry Ondine. I didn’t mean to say that. I don’t know why I said that, because I totally don’t have a crush on Marinette…”

-Kim is in denial

-Ondine is a little sad, but she’s also a total bro

-meaning if she can’t be with her crush then she’ll make sure her crush is at least happy

-Kim doesn’t make it easy though, because he’s also a bro

-once he accepts that he genuinely likes Marinette, he doesn’t even consider the possibility of them dating

-because Marinette likes Adrien

-Kim’s heart aches a little when he remembers that

-so there’s only one thing for him to do

-get Marinette and Adrien together

-Ondine agrees to help, but secretly has an ulterior motive

-which is: get Marinette to fall for Kim while Kim is trying to get her and Adrien to date

-it’s a mess

-but together they make a rough plan

-the first step is to get Marinette to actually hold a normal conversation with Adrian

-they’ll have her practice on Kim to start

-kim wanted to team up with Alya initially, but Ondine convinces him that it’s best if they work separately

-bc Ondine doesn’t want Marinette and Adrien to actually get together. Alya would take the planning seriously, while Ondine is not

-they rush over to Marinette’s house after swim practice

-Kim has a key to Marinette’s house so he doesn’t even knock

-he just pops into the bakery to hug Sabine, wave at Tom, and grab some snacks

-Ondine marvels at how close they have to be for Kim to be this comfortable with Marinette’s family

-they run up to Mari’s room

-again, Kim doesn’t knock, he just walks in and flops on her couch

-Ondine awkwardly walks in with a wave bc she doesn’t really know Marinette and doesn’t want to seem rude

-Marinette had been expecting Kim but is surprised to see Ondine

-her shipper brain starts wondering if she should help them get together?

- “We’re going to help you get together with Adrien!” Kim announces.

-Marinette collapses back in her chair with a groan

- “Ugh, not you too! Maybe I’m happy just watching him from afar.”

“No offence Mari, but that makes you sound like a creepy stalker,” Kim argues.

“I can’t even talk to Adrien properly! Much less get the courage to ask him out!”

“That’s what we’re going to help you with!” Ondine interjects. “With our help, you’ll be able to talk to Adrien without a problem!”

-Marinette’s curiosity is piqued

- “How?”

-Marinette reluctantly agrees with practice on Kim, not convinced that it’ll actually work

-they sit on the floor facing each other, with Ondine in the middle like a referee

-they tape a picture of Adrien to Kim’s face

-Kim does bad impressions of Adrien’s voice and Marinette can’t collect herself well enough to hold a conversation

-not because she’s nervous but bc she keeps laughing at Kim’s impressions

-Ondine is in serious coach mode tho

-she pretends to blow a whistle every time they mess up

“Come on team! I know you can get this right!”

-eye holes are cut in the picture of Adrien so that Kim can see

-but that just makes Marinette laugh harder

-a mouth hole is added so Kim can eat some snacks

-Kim tries to impersonate Adrien while eating

-does a dramatic hair flip and chokes on a cookie

-Marinette is sobbing from laughter and Ondine has given up on whistling

-eventually (after they run out of snacks) they calm down

-Ondine throws away the picture of Adrien

-Things are serious now

-Kim takes Marinette’s hands and gives her a gentle smile while leaning forward slightly

“Hey Marinette,” he says in a low voice

-and Marinette’s heart skips a beat. Just once.

-but there were no thoughts of Adrien in her head

-once she does think of Adrien doing this, then she turns beat red

“uh, h-hey A-A-Adrien! How’s you do? I-I mean, h-how do you? How are you!”

-Kim is starting to blush now because Marinette is just so cute

-He wants to bop her on the nose

-so he does

-Marinette blushes even harder, but it ruins the roleplay

“KIM! Adrien isn’t going to randomly bop me on the nose!

“He might! I’m trying to prepare you for all possible events!” Kim argues to save his ass

-Ondine lowkey feels like she’s third wheeling

-but on the upsides, the longer she watches Marinette and Kim interact, the more she ships them and the smaller her crush grows

-soon she’ll be a full-time Marikim shipper

-after that first instance, Marinette can’t imagine Kim as Adrien

-Kim insists that she just needs to “focus on the blonde part of his hair”

-but it doesn’t work

-their conversations turn into inside jokes about each other

-eventually hunger drives them downstairs for dinner

-Ondine is invited to stay and the conversation turns to swim practice

-eventually Ondine stops feeling like a third wheel

-the next step is to have Marinette interact with Adrien in a group setting

-so another study group is scheduled

-in the days leading up to the study group, Kim starts lowkey hyping Marinette up to Adrien

-when Marinette gets an A on a test Kim is holding it up to show Adrien how smart Marinette is

-when Marinette stumbles through a few lines in another language Kim shouts to Adrien, “Dude, did you hear that? Marinette is BILINGUAL”

-when Marinette makes it to class just before the bell rings, Kim nudges Adrien and goes, “Isn’t Marinette cute when she’s running late?”

-whenever someone compliments Kim on something he goes, “Psh, Marinette is twice as good as me. DID YOU KNOW THAT ADRIEN?”

-Adrien assumes this is Kim’s weird way on trying to become friends, by talking up one of their mutual friends

-so, he starts talking up Marinette to Kim

- “did you know Marinette is so talented that Jagged Stone asked her to design his album cover?!”

-this leads to full-blown conversations about Marinette in the hallway

-which actually leads to them becoming friends?

-through talking about Marinette, they realize they have a lot in common

-both like sports, video games, jagged stone, and Marinette

-Ondine overhears Kim hyping Marinette up to Adrien in the hallway and decides to copy him

-She starts coming over every day after practice under the guise of ‘helping Marinette learn to talk to Adrien’

-really it just devolves into the three of them joking around after an hour

-but during these ‘sessions’ she starts hyping Kim up

- “Kim nearly broke a world record at practice today! I swear he’s going to the Olympics!”

-Kim always returns the compliment tho

- “If I’m going to the Olympics then so are you! You’re just as good!”

-which further convinces Marinette that they like each other

-Finally, that Saturday is the study group

-its Max, Nino, Chloe, Adrien, Kim, and the newest addition of Ondine

-(if you want to know how the study group started read part 3)

-Marinette spends the morning nervously cooking snacks

-Kim and Ondine come over early to ‘help’

-Kim knows how to cook, but he spends most of the time stealing bits of batter

-Ondine doesn’t know how to cook, so Marinette shows her the ropes

-This helps Marinette calm down too

-Marinette is more nervous than the last time their study group met because this time she has the ulterior motive of trying to get closer to Adrien while last time she was focused on studying

-the study group gathers in the living room of Marinette’s house

-Kim and Adrien are next to each other and Marinette is strategically placed across from them

-this way if Marinette gets too nervous to look at Adrien, she can look at Kim instead and pretend she’s talking to him

-the first couple minutes of the study group are filled with laughter and snacks as everyone piles into the living room

-but eventually they quiet down to do some independent studying

-Adrien is great at science so Marinette figures she’ll ask him to explain one of the concepts listed on their science study guide

“Hey Adrien,” Marinette starts confidently, however, almost as soon as the words are out of her mouth she starts to get cold feet. She glances at Kim who gives her a subtle thumbs up and a wink. Marinette swears the blush that starts to cover her face is just from being nervous about talking to Adrien.

Adrien glances up from his book, “What’s up, Marinette?”

Marinette glances back and forth between Kim and Adrien before settling her gaze on Adrien.

“C-could you explain how the potato is used as an example of osmosis? I don’t understand it.”

-Adrien is happy to help, and launches into an explanation

-Marinette so is high of the rush of dopamine from successfully asking Adrien a question that she’s able to ask two follow up questions after Adrien is done speaking

-Nino pinches Max to keep him from intervening

-Kim is proud of Marinette, but he can’t help but also be a little sad because she’s never been that excited to simply talk to him

-however, what he doesn’t know is that after Marinette successfully talks to Adrien, she finds her thoughts not centered around Adrien, but around Kim

-She knows science isn’t Kim’s best subject and her thoughts keep drifting from questions to ask Adrien to how Kim is doing.

-she doesn’t realize it yet, but her feelings for Adrien have shrunken a little which is partly why she found it easier to talk to him

-the other reason is that she’s just become more confident in herself due to the ‘practice sessions’

-when the study group ends Kim and Ondine stay behind to help clean up

-Kim is hiding the fact that he’s bummed about Marinette and Adrien and Ondine realizes this so she tries to distract him

-she sticks two pretzel sticks in her mouth

“Guess what I am?”

“Uh, a walrus, duh.”

“No! I’m the giant spider from Harry Potter.”

Kim chokes on a laugh from surprise, “What the hell? How was I supposed to guess that?”

-Marinette watches them mess around and becomes certain that they like each other

-but now she feels…off about it.

-together the three clean up quickly

-the weekly Dupain cheng/Le family dinner is tonight, so Kim isn’t leaving after study group, but Ondine gets ready to leave

-Marinette invites her to stay for dinner though

-even though she feels weird about Ondine and Kim getting together she’s still gonna do what she can to help their relationship

-bc she’s also a bro

-also, Ondine has been around so much the past month that she’s practically a permanent fixture in Marinette’s life

-she also doesn’t knock anymore when entering Mari’s room and is on a first name basis with her parents

-Ondine is honestly glad to have become such good friends with Marinette

-After the success of the first study group, more are planned

-it becomes a biweekly event

-Ondine is worried at first that this might backfire and Marinette and Adrien will actually get together

-but she notices that while Marinette talks to Adrien more she also blushes less

-in their practice sessions Marinette has also stopped gushing over Adrien

-what convinced Ondine for sure that Marinette’s crush on Adrien was gone though was when a new exclusive photoshoot of Adrien came out and the first thing Marinette commented was the design of his outfit

-how did things get to this point?

-well, interacting as friends and focusing on becoming friends made Marinette see Adrien in a platonic light

-Marinette just doesn’t realize her crush is gone bc it was so ingrained in her that it became a facet of her identity

-she has black hair, blue eyes, and a crush on Adrien

-it’s when Marinette has zoned out while staring at Kim that Ondine decides they’re ready to move to the next step

-it’s time for Marinette and Kim to go on a fake date

-the official reason is so that Marinette gets practice before asking Adrien out

-the unofficial reason is that Ondine is 90% sure that Marinette is also crushing on Kim now, and she thinks that if they’re in a romantic setting then she’ll realize the reality of her feelings

-and so, after school, instead of going home like usual, Marinette and Kim go to the movies instead to see the newest romantic comedy

-Ondine secretly trails after them with binoculars, just to make sure everything goes well

-Kim pays and refuses to split the price, much to Marinette’s dismay

-as the trailers play, they get into a mini popcorn fight and waste half their popcorn

-a bunch of it ends up stuck in Marinette’s hair

-Kim, heart pounding, holds Marinette’s chin to keep her head still as he gently pulls popcorn out of her hair

-The darkness of the theater is the only thing hiding Marinette’s blush.

-Kim leans closer, focusing on getting all the little pieces of popcorn

-Marinette’s gaze is locked on Kim though. Their faces are only inches apart.

-Suddenly, Kim looks down and realizes the position they’re in

-He’s frozen, unsure of what to do.

-He wants to lean in and kiss her, but he thinks she still likes Adrien

-Adrien, however, is the last thing on Marinette’s mind. The only thing she can focus on at the moment is the warmth of Kim’s breath on her face.

-The moment is ruined however, by a group of people jostling past them to get to their seats

-The movie begins shortly after, but both teens are distracted by other thoughts

-They head for the park afterwards

-They’re hearts stopping each time their hands bump into each other.

-Ondine finally gets fed up and texts Kim to hold hands with Marinette

-Kim looks around in confusion, unsure where Ondine was watching them from

-But he does what she says

-Marinette looks up in surprise

-“We’re on a date, so we should hold hands, yeah?” Kim says with a blush.

“O-oh! Right, yes!”

-Both of them look away and blush

-Their conversation on the way to the park is a little awkward as neither of them are sure what to say until Kim blurts out, “By the way, I think Ondine is stalking us.”

-This launches them into a game of “spot Ondine without her noticing.”

-They fail miserably, completely unable to find her

-But they have an amazing time guessing where or who she might be

-Each time their guesses get more and more ridiculous

-Which has them laughing uproariously in the middle of the park

-This garners the attention of several people, in particular a blonde model who is in the middle of a photoshoot.

-Kim walks Marinette home, and, unable to stop himself, kisses her on the cheek before leaving

-Marinette can only stare at Kim’s back as he leaves

-Half an hour later, her mom opens the door to take out the trash, and scares Marinette out of her reverie

-Marinette is supposed to confess to Adrien the next day, but when she goes to bed the only person she can think of it Kim

-(she dreams about him too)

-The next day, Marinette asks Adrien to stay behind after class so she can ask him something

-Kim and Ondine wait anxiously outside the classroom

-Kim is torn between excitement for Marinette and heartbreak for himself

-in the classroom, Adrien gazes at Marinette expectantly

-He’s not sure what she needs from him, but he’s ready to help

-Marinette breathes in deeply, mentally preparing herself utter the three simple words.

-But they don’t come out.

-They can’t come out, and Marinette realizes with shock that it’s not because she’s nervous.

-In fact, she doesn’t feel anything at all except a sense of wrongness

-For some reason, the only person she can imagine confessing to is Kim

-her eyes widen as the realization sets in

-She doesn’t like Adrien anymore

-She likes Kim

----

AN: There we go! The long awaited Part 4 is finally up a year later. Don't worry, part 5 won't take as long. Though, it probably won't be up until after I finish finals and move home.

I didn't intend for Ondine to have such a big role, someone mentioned that I forgot about Ondine in the last part, and I slapped myself for forgetting her, so I made sure to start with her and then it just snowballed until she was part of the crew lol.

Also, I discontinued the taglist because it got too big and I got overwhelmed.

[tfw-no-tennis]

mtmte liveblog issue 22

oooh man, its time to feel some EMOTIONS!

I'm BACK after a hiatus, which was due in part to me getting my 1st dose of the covid vaccine! woohoo!

anyways, starting here w/issue 22....we have a great cover w/thunderclash, the legend himself

oof. the covers made me forget how much I don't like the art this issue...I hate to be mean to the artists but this art style just isn't doin it for me chief

god I love this issue though. the framing device of rewind’s movie is so so fantastic

tailgate listing off all his fake awards/accomplishments....ily 

rodimus my boy, you're a prime in my heart

the ‘not a decepticon’ label for cyclonus is so much hvbhkjfbskjf

I literally wanna comment on every single panel bc I love all the characters so much but then id be here forever...that being said whirl ily sm 

hvbjdfbhsfjhdfshja BRAINSTORM ‘according to perceptor - ships genius’ hvhdkjhbfhjs ily dumb gay idiot

and then the cut to perceptor after brainstorm like, blew up his lab vjbkdsfnbksjf dude

GODDDDDD drift ‘your name...defines you. it’s your soul expressed in syllables. hm? oh, yes, sorry. it’s drift.’ GOD he’s so fucking funny. I love early story hippy drift

god I cant stop thinking about how good this whole issue would be as an animated show...like, specifically rewinds film, it would be SO FUCKING GOOOOOOD mtmte show WHEN

rewiiiiind ;_; I fuckgin love rewind god. fellow video editing enthusiast....

ohhhh rodimus being embarrassed about his big speech at the beginning of mtmte....my boy I love u so much

gjhnbgehjsrkfbjksf magnus being suspicious of rewind oh my god. magnus ily but please, look at the lil guy, he’s a good boy, most of the time

the fuckgin footage that magnus removed hbvhakjbfhskf god. wasn't that intended to be footage of magnus dancing? I love him

minibot squad.....

and here it begins, the mystery stick rung question...

poor rung oh my god he’s just trying to polish his lil spaceship and people r throwing shit at him. taking Ls as per usual it seems

hand grenade tag hvbfjksdnfbkjdf love that callback

noooo rungs ship :( 

magnus’s censorship vhbhadkjfhdbhjsakjhfn

oh man I forgot about how they met that race of Transformers But More 

the one-upsmanship hbvkajsbehfjks

whirrrrrl lmao I love whirl sm

goddddd whirl just killing that other alien and ending the 16 million yr long civil war bvkjsdbfhjjkafs so fucking much

oh god oh god the ‘are you happy’ page, I'm not emotionally equipped to handle this like, ever

but I will say I feel like it would be EVEN MORE oof if it were milne or someone drawing it bc I feel like this art style takes away from some of the impact bc the expressions aren't really that...expressive? idk how to put it

anyways. every single answer destroys me!!! like even the happy ones, like chromedome and rewind and tailgate - well, in present time, none of those three are doing so hot, so that makes this just hurt 

and rung....that is so fucking depressing. jesus. this guy is so fuckng sad, somebody get him a friend stat

and swerve...ouch. this readthru I've really noticed how much early-mtmte swerve is not-so-subtly like, crying out for help bc he’s so alone and shit. jesus 

also brainstorms response is just plain ole sad w/context, but at this point in the story without context, it just seems very foreboding lmao. I'm realizing this readthru that brainstorm is very sketchy and ominous in a particular ‘is he evil?’ mad scientist sorta way in early mtmte

and then everyone else is also just so OOF in their own unique sad ways, but I think the worst out of everyone is drift....GODDDDDD. especially considering that at this point in the story, drift is this kinda goofy hippy guy, so seeing him just sit there with his face in his hand, not even answering the question...AND knowing that shortly after this he’ll end up banished...IT FUCKING HURTS M8!

meanwhile, the more upbeat ‘quest to see rungs alt mode’ continues...with an ‘alt mode party’ vhbadkjsdfnabskjf it looks so silly with a bunch of cars just sitting around a table lmao

I cant even tell who everyone is bc they so rarely turn into cars n shit lmaoooooo 

rodimus with the bucket on his head hbvhakjbfskjf I CANT

everyone’s reactions to thunderclash...i fucking love it

the fact that TAILGATE doesn't hate him, even though we’ve seen that tailgate tends to dislike people who are universally liked/who have achieved a lot of impressive things

rodimus you petty thot vbdkjbfdjhsakjdf ily

RODIMUS IS SO FUNNYYYYYY ‘I'm not making all these sacrifices and leading these guys into battle and being inspirational - I'm not doing that because it makes me look good’ RODIMUS VBHSKJDFNBKSJF

thunderclash talking about magnus’s article on typefaces....hdbksjfsdbkjgfb bro

AND THEN MAGNUS HUGS HIM....HGBSKJFDSHFKD I CANT

POOR DRIFT bvhajkdfbhjkjsfd rodimus saying he ‘rehabilitated him’ oh my god

the whole spectralism thing...im sorry I cant get over how funny all this is vbakdjfbksjf thunderclash rlly b out here charming rodimus’s entire crew

and then ratchet comes in, calling tc ‘thunders,’ and tc immediately notices ratchets new hands (somehow) hvbkjfhbskjf truly amazing

it cracks me up that rodimus is all 😒😒 at thunderclash, even though as we come to find out, tc really IS That Perfect, and him complimenting rodimus isn't sarcasm at all lmao

AND THEYRE LOOKING FOR THE KNIGHTS OF CYBERTRON TOO HVSDHFJBSHKHDFJS OF COURSE

the vis vitalis being a life support machine spaceship is a really cool concept tho

‘rescuing some orphans from an exploding sun’ I fucking cant

evil guy: [holds a gun to thunderclash’s head] 

rodimus: :D finally something doesn't go his way!

he’s so petty I’m..........dkdjhfdabhduifadijgl

and its the aliens from earlier! oooh

GODDD I forgot that swerve used rung in mystery stick mode to SCHWACK the guy

rung casually dropping the fact that the functionists like, experimented on him...there's a lot of implications there, and that'll certainly be explored more later...

the fact that his ID card says ‘rong’ hvbhjakhdsbfakhsjfn 

oughufadkfujbsfk the circle of light throwing wrenches n shit at skids...guys cmon vbhsdjkfnslfd

the circle of light is like ‘wtf you all have trauma and a bunch of weird unhealthy coping mechanisms this is wack byeeeee’ lmao

skids calling the lost light his home is rlly sweet tho

cant believe the religious space hippy cult is being so rude about a film made by a guy who died like a week ago. unreal 

cd finally figured out how to make the pffft sound, good for him

AUGHHHHH the fact that rewind used ‘little victories’ as the title of the film and that's something that chromedome said in the video ;_; I'm fucking inconsolable 

rodimus, despite his obvious posturing for the camera during the whole issue, comes off as surprisingly genuine when he says that he hasn't thought about his own future much, but wants the crew to have a happy ending....im gonna cry

‘who knows what's around the corner?’ tailgate, PLEASE don't say that, oh my god, 

OUGHHHH GROUP SHOT 

OHHH mannnnNNNNN i love this issue SO MUCH. what a good fun emotional rollercoaster wrap-up to mtmte s1. god. 

like, this issue has it all - humor, drama, crippling sadness, intrigue, worldbuilding...it’s so excellent 

and getting to see rewind again hurts so bad but also I love him

ok quick mtmte s1 retrospective...god s1 is so fucking good. I'm gonna have to read more to say which chunk of mtmte I liked best but s1 is so fucking excellent that it might be my favorite. though its hard to pick bc there's so much good stuff later on too...whatever, the point is s1 is so so good

the plotlines and characters are fucking stellar. like I cant even believe how well Everything works, its very impressive. I cant really think of anything major that made me go ‘yeah could've done without that plotline/character’

I love how dedicated jro is to connecting everything. I've mentioned it before but basically every single moment in the series has payoff - what you initially think is just a funny moment, or a fluffy character establishment bit, ends up ALSO being an important plot point later, in some way

an example would be here w/rung and his alt mode - it just seems like a fun little B-plot for this issue, and seems to pretty neatly conclude with the reveal that rung was eventually classified as an ‘ornament’ (lmao)...but we later on get to see a lot more about this, both here and in the functionist universe 

and like, stuff like tailgate’s autobot lessons w/magnus - at first that can be seen as purely character establishment stuff, showing that magnus is a strict rule-lover and tg is a loveable try-hard good boy - but that becomes plot relevant in remain in light, with tailgate saving the day due to his knowledge of the autobot code (and its also character relevant, with magnus’s arc in remain in light). 

and I know this is like. a normal regular thing in writing, but I'm just very impressed about how cleanly jro pulls it off, and how many things he’s juggling at once, especially in early mtmte - it’s very ambitious!

and we gotta remember, this is a comic book. I've read a lot of comic books, and the quality is all over the place. a lot of writers bite off more than they can chew, and the story ends up kinda scattered as a result. 

another thing I see a lot in franchise writing like this is a lack of strong early character establishing due to the author assuming the readers are at least somewhat familiar with the characters already - which can be totally fair depending on where it is in the continuity, but other times it can come off as lazy

in mtmte, the cast is extremely well fleshed out, and not only that, the cast itself is unique in that there are a lot of relative unknowns (franchise-wise) - which I think was an absolutely brilliant move, because then jro was able to essentially create The Definitive Version of these characters - characters like swerve, brainstorm, chromedome, rewind, tailgate...mtmte is their baseline characterization, because they haven't really appeared in much else

this also allows for deviation from the franchise norms - again, a comic book classic is good writing being stifled by a need to stick to a certain status quo regard the characters, the world, the powers, relationships, etc

(I've mostly read DC comics, and some marvel, so I'm thinking superheroes w/all these comic comparisons)

so mtmte had a good recipe for genuine creativity in that the characters were relative unknowns, the plot was basically ‘space road trip,’ the status quo of ‘autobot vs decepticon war’ had been demolished throughout the entire franchise...so jro was able to take all that and run, and it turned out so fantastic

and luckily it isn't over yet! so many comics suffer from premature cancellation...and sadly mtmte/ll isn't exempt from this, as we’ll see later, but I've seen some awful ones, where comics are forced to wrap up in like 2 issues while in the middle of an arc. yikes. 

but another comic staple...one of my least favorite things about comics books in general...something that was basically responsible for driving me away from comics after reading a bunch...the dreaded crossover event

yep, even mtmte isn't immune to this unfortunate plague on the comic industry. crossover events are the absolute worst, and I'm saying this as somebody who adores crossovers (in concept more than execution usually). they SHOULD be my favorite, but unfortunately they p much always completely suck

they're essentially a ploy to get you to read the other ongoing titles, but they usually only serve to bog down whatever story you're reading to the point where you don't even wanna read that one anymore, let alone read all the other ongoings. at least, that’s been my experience 

it doesn't help that reading orders tend to be hard to find/keep track of, and that you need to go read the other series to know what's going on. I just hate it, like, I came here to read THIS series, I don't want a bunch of other series showing up too - even if I was reading two series, I wouldn't want them crossed over, because they're separate stories! augh!

I'm totally losing my focus here but my point is...crossover events suck, and mtmte unfortunately is involved in one. I have not read dark cybertron, and I'm not about to. I've heard nothing but bad things so I have no desire to inflict that upon myself 

soooo ill be reading through the tfwiki articles for those issues to give myself a better understanding of what went on - which is more than I've ever done in the past - and maybe ill even make a single post summarizing my thoughts on what I read in the wiki, lmao

but yea ill be skipping to the mtmte s2 stuff next 

phew ok I'm super tired, my vision keeps blurring out and stuff lmao. its time for bed, I probably have more thoughts but ill save them for later. for now...peace out!

[paintednailsandsoftdetails]

Fine Line: rambles & rankings

hello here i am eleven hours after being knocked on my ass by one miss harry e styles with some thoughts if anyone is curious!!

1. Golden- the sad bop to end all sad bops!! the dichotomy of this music being the most fun and bouncy (the da das on tour!!) while his voice is the lower, steadier element of the song is so interesting to me? also the pessimism of this song is *chefs kiss* even if the idea of his vulnerability being an undesirable trait to his partner is heartbreaking

2. Watermelon Sugar- she slaps and we been knew!! this wins for best dance number for sure and i can’t wait for us all to be grovin and yelling “high!” back at him

3. Adore You- i think after a week ive concluded that this was my least favorite of the 3 released songs, only just slightly? but i absolutely love singing along to this, and ofc the eroda aesthetic is forever connected to it and absolutely incredible

4. Lights Up- baby light of my life :’) i love lights up and i will always love lights up, shes always gonna be special to me knowing what it means to harry and the way he decided to release it on coming out day with that video, and i hope he continues making art like this for a long time to come

5. Cherry- i? wasn’t?? prepared??? to be perfectly real, i wasnt anticipating this being a fav from what we heard in reviews, BUT THIS? musically this is so exactly the sound i want from him (hozier meets bon iver but make it harry?? BLESSED) and im absolutely in love with it. and his voice!! pulled the first tears out of me on the listen through :’) the way he harps on “don’t you call him baby” in the softest most fragile way over top this melody is art, put it in the moma

6. Falling- MA’AM THESE VOCALS. i love that this is pretty bare bones musically to really highlight the vocals and the emotions, both of which go absolutely off. its maybe not the most ~interesting~ to listen to compared to others, but the power of this LIVE? holy shit thats 100% where this is going to flourish

7. To Be So Lonely- starting with “I was just a little boy” PLEASE BE QUITE im not okay. anyways there is something about the way these lyrics sit in the pocket of the music that im obsessed with. i wasnt sure how i felt about either one their own, but god the way the “arrogant son of a bitch” line is weaved in with these instruments (the strings on this!!), i feel that shit in my CHEST

8. She- hello to what i feel are the most hs1-esque vibes on this album, except definitely different and COOLER!! its weird bc this is a sound that i already easily associate with harry, but lyrically/conceptually this is fascinating territory. There are layers to be unpacked here and ive already seen some galaxy brain interpretations so im excited to let this one marinate (the falsetto and “plays pretend” lyrics… okay ma’am) also the “sleeps in his bed” vocal FUCK! and of course mitchell went off and i cant wait for harr to be all over him on tour

9. Sunflower Vol. 6- MY FUNKY LIL BABY this is so sugary in a way thats not at all cheesy but makes me smile so! much! the gasp, the sounds at the end… could not be more babie and i just know im gonna fall in love with the bits and bobs of this more and more every time i listen. shout out to the Queen vibes i got from the “tonight tonight tonight” parts! and also did i mention the end is the cutest thing what the fuck

10. Canyon Moon- these absolute VIBES shes THAT GIRL!! this is so sweet and tender im soft. the “Im going”s are so fucking PRETTY? the beautiful dulcimer sweetie you are doing so great. idek what else to say this is the soundtrack to the gay indie roadtrip movie i want harry to star in and i love it with my whole heart thats it

11. TPWK- hating on this is literally illegal?? babie made this for and about us and the space we mutually created on tour THIS IS OURS. hes feeling good in his skin and dancing with us!! even if he doesn’t have all the answers!! the Queen vibes in this too we love, and we are going to have SO MUCH FUN singing n dancing with him to this :’) the “loooong enough” vocal and then his “all together now” stuff at the end is so happy, healing and sweet i love him so much

12. Fine Line- *sigh* what am i supposed to say? what can i do? musically and vocally this is everything ive ever fucking wanted (again i didnt quite realize that harry styles pulling a bon iver was exactly my niche but guess what it absolutely is). HER FALSETTO HER VOICE THIS DELICATE TENDERNESS?? Cannot think of a single thing ive heard thats more stunningly gorgeous than the way he sings “we’ll be a fine line/we’ll be alright” so guess thats it for me lmao. similar to cherry, on paper these lyrics are not a hit for me (at least without analysis), but god it doesnt fucking MATTER bc they come across so abstract and transcendent in context (and open my mind to so many other interpretive possibilities) that i cannot not be in love. And then of course the horns come in and we get the hopeful turn…this song makes me feel things on a level nothing he’s made before ever has. 

Overall this album threw me for the loop of a lifetime; its so different from what i was expecting and even hoping for, but without a doubt the most special thing i’ve listened to in as long as i can remember. these songs deliver on a level hs1 barely scratched the surface of, and i cannot wait to see how harry continues to grow and reach even higher places across his career. endlessly proud of him, always.

Extremely tentative ranking 100% subject to change bc this is impossible:

fine line >> sunflower vol. 6 = cherry = canyon moon > lights up > tpwk > to be so lonely > watermelon sugar = golden > falling > she > adore you

[rogue-rook]

many highlights from The Eleventh Hour from a first-time TAZ listener

featuring bits from Lunar Interlude III: Rest and Relaxation

oh god is this lunar interlude a goddamn ASMR experience

are carey fangbattle and killian dating?

i’m almost 100% sure griffin said “fisticups” instead of “fisticuffs”

griffin: “okay, you spend the next few weeks learning from carey” oh, okay griffin, i see, we’re taking the LAZINESS route on this campaign now. maybe there were some good snorlaxes to catch on that route or something, but now we’ll never know!

a semi-incomplete list of words that griffin has made up during TAZ: “cruft, geezers creezers, and scrumbled” except scrumbled was stolen from justin

my first thought when i realized taako and sweet ango were going to be spending this interlude together was “oh no taako is about to just bully the goddamn earwax out of sweet ango”

I JUST REALIZED ANGUS MACDONALD IS 10 GODDAMN YEARS OLD. where are his parents??? he had a grandpa who died, right? who’s taking care of him? did lucretia kidnap him to illegally “employ” THIS LITERAL CHILD at the bureau of balance??

WAIT IS LUCRETIA HIS MOM?

taako just called sweet ango “agnes”

THE UMBRA STAFF JUST TOOK CONTROL AND BLASTED “LUP” INTO THE WALL AND IM LIKE LUP!!!! ITS LUP!!!

the Hole-Thrower is a goddamn genius object but i wish it wasn’t just for “non-magical, non-living” things bc i wanna see taako throw a hole into an enemy

magnus: “i want a black mastiff” griffin: “but you know, theres’s no dogs on the moon!”

the grubby grifters went over budget at the fantasy costco and griffin's voice like animorph-style changed into garfield the deals asshole‘s voice and im like. uncomfortable

travis: “i’m now a level 8 fighter and a level 2 rogue” “which i think makes sense for magnus bc you’re a protecting guardian but you’re also kinda a nasty boy on that battlefield”

the grubby grifters are the only bureau employees not to be super choked up about boyland’s death and im like “hey maybe you assholes shouldn’t have tried to desecrate his crystalized corpse”

WIVES AND HUSBANDS AND STUFF

if the voidfish is either nice or neutral, then it singing to magus is adorable

if the voidfish turns out to be evil, then it singing to magnus is super super ominous

the director: “avi had to miss boyland’s rites of remembrance” merle: “i didn’t know that was an option"

names suggested for the woven gulch before griffin decided that: dry bones, gucci gulch, the taint, the devil’s taint, ravine, gulch, the blasted lands, the not-blasted lands, the flavor-blasted lands, the grandd canyon (not a typo), the taco bell grande canyon, the arid waste, tattoine

all the grubby grifters: “SUMMER LOOKS! SUMMER LOOKS! SUMMER LOOKS!”

taako: "thanks garfield, can we leave now?" "I WISH YOU WOULD"

sweet ango has to launch the grubby grifters down to the woven gulch and he’s so terrified and im like ango, they should be more nervous, they’re yOUR BULLIES!!

magnus: “we don’t have to mean EVERY time!” okay, magnus, that’s rich coming from you, seeing as you’ve been the worst to angus

travis: “you as the DM didn't remind your players” griffin: “oh i didn't know this was a baby game for CHILDREN”

magnus: “what it we just didn't attack them this round and just saw what they did?” merle: “WHO ARE YOU??”

griffin: “it's kind of rustic” magnus: “FINALLY, MY RUSTIC FOLK HERO THING WILL WORK AND PEOPLE WILL LIKE ME!!!”

“by their sacrifice, our home is made safe” WHAT THE FUCK!

griffin: “where the robe it, it has been stained or oxidized, turning it a bright crimson red" "oh.....like...the bad guys...” YALL THAT’S SO. THAT’S SOME SHIT. THAT’S SOME MYSTERIOUS SHIT

taako: “okay, cool, I’m not into labels either” yooooooo 

i googled the map griffin made for the town of Refuge and hot damn, that’s a well made map

magnus: “i rolled a 10 [on a perception check]” griffin: “you're in a prison cell with bars on it” merle: “i rolled a 1″ griffin: “you are in a cube shaped place”

griffin: “and then all three of you, have died” WHAT IN THE FUCK????? WHAT THE HELL??? WHAT????

THE SET UP OF THIS ARC IS BOMB AS HELLLLLLLLLLLLL

the fact that paloma sounds like bjork tells me that griffin is just straight up running out of different accents

[merle continues to sing to the tune of book of mormon] travis: “clinton. you just got clocked by a shovel”

justin: “i’m gonna delete the video i was making about how to do an infinite diamond glitch in the adventure zone”

griffin: “there are many rocks piled up” justin: “mini rocks are actually called pebbles, griffin”

griffy set up this quarry locker room tripwire puzzle exactly like a fucking game of hangman! the most deadly game of hangman ever

griffin: “lemme just say that diamonds are the currency of this town. you wouldn’t go to the US treasury to get dollars fresh from the printing press” justin: “what, you want me to get a part time job??” griffin: “i wouldn't hate it”

griffin: “i just agreed to what dad said without really processing what it was that he said, and what he said was the name "bjork" as bork” clint: “you gotta watch that shit, griffin” griffin: “i was almost an accomplice to that heinous act”

the grubby grifters just unquestioningly trust paloma the bjork witch without any sort of investigation checks or ANYTHING and im like what if she’s evil, my dudes. what if she’s leading you astray

griffin: “the human spell library, clint mcelroy”

griffin: “if you can just instantly bring back any dead person to life, it may reduce the narrative stakes of the adventure zone podcast A BIT!” AH SHIT SON!!

magnus: “im gonna....cut his arm off” griffin: “OH MY GOD!! YOU LOVE THIS SHIT! YOU’RE A PERVERT! YOU'RE EXPOSING EVERYONE TO YOUR FETISH!!”

istus is cool and awesome and she knits but all this shit she’s talking about it is just context-less gibberish

“you’re going to be amazing” AT WHAT, MOTHERFUCKER? YOU’RE COOL AND YOU HANDED OUT BOMB ASS GIFTS BUT WHAT THE SHIT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT??

hot damn yall. this time chalice is trying to PERSUADE the grubby grifters and my evil bullshit meter thinks this is SUPER HELLA SUSPENSEFUL

AW SHIT! BACKSTORIES!

damn this chalice is so tempting. i can’t even imagine

these backstories are heartbreaking. im blown away by the way the mcelroys have crafted this part of the story, and so so sad. especially about magnus

“its not what julia would want” travis stop making me feel these things

magnus: “noelle ended up with a new shiny robot body!” taako: “an unkillable robot! I'd call that an upgrade!”

oh no the chalice is forcing them to watch the destruction of phandolin, what an asshole

magnus: “i’m gonna throw a whole bunch of robot arms into him” griffin: “okay, so you just have a hefty bag full of roboid arms??” 

merle: “we owe a big one to penumbra" magnus: "paloma"

magnus: “we gotta jump” roswell: “this is a shitty shitty shit shit plan, i hope you know that” i love roswell’s instinctive reaction when presented with a dumb idea, which is to respond with pure immediate honesty and tell the grubby grifters that their ideas are dumb as hell

this worm fight is bizarre as fuck, what the fuck are they even DOING???

aw the weird worm just wanted to escape the bubble so it could get back to its babies! that’s...almost adorable. if it wasn’t a giant fucking worm

oh good. the red robe is back. cool cool cool cool cool

magnus: “you’re proud of us? what? you’re a red robe, you’re one of the bad guys?” the red robe: “who told you that?”

GRIFFIN JUST CALLED IT A LICH!!!!!

the red robe said “lup, they don’t trust me. lup i can’t do it anymore” and “the next time we meet, i’ll need you to trust me completely. the hunger is almost here, and all this could be lost” YALLL IM CONFUSED ASSSS FFFUCKKKK BUT IM SO EXCITED ABOUT WHOEVER THE FUCK THIS PARSELTONGUE MOTHERFUCKER IS!!

well taako got a prophecy saying he would one day get power from “the man wreathed in flames” so like im pretty goddamn sure the parseltongue motherfucker is barry bluejeans. there’s a lich around, barry got blasted to hell by gundren rockseeker, and the red robe wants the grubby grifters to trust him, so like 2+2+2 probably equals barry fucking bluejeans here

the fact that they got to watch over the town of refuge for 7 years was soooooo sweet!!!!

hot damn the red robe’s been protecting magnus this whole time???

travis asking istus why there’s long gaps in their memories like hey trav griffy doesn’t want you or me or anyone else to know yet, but good try!

magnus: “if you get bored, there's this half-moon thing in the sky, you can come hang out with us” taako: “yeah most birds can fly to the MOON!”

kravitz!!! anytime kravitz shows back up is a GOOD GODDAMN TIME!! because i love kravitz

the red robe in the statue in Refuse HAS MAGNUS’S FACE!!!

i have literal goddamn chills. that is so good

this was a very odd meandering arc and i didn’t know what the hell was going on half the time but it was super super super enjoyable and some of the plot shit got me HYPED AS HELL

[motorcyclegirlfriends]

google jay smooth "how to tell someone they sound racist." you focused on "they ARE homophobic" and derail the entire conversation bc of it. now the video is focused on strategy to avoid pitfalls with an 'adversary', but i want your takeaway to be YOU are doing this to the internal queer convo too. 'phobic actions vs h'phobe not imp distinction to me, but YOU are making it the most important. just as focused as str8 ppl on labeling the incident instead of fixing problems.

It took me a while to get to this ask, so the context has changed a bit.

I think now, if you’re on tumblr at all, you probably know that Melissa is very actively being called homophobic. 

People aren’t just saying “this action was homophobic” but “Melissa Benoist is a homophobe.”

When I initially prepared for this ask (I hadn’t watched the video so I couldn’t respond just yet, but I wrote a couple points and saved it as a draft) people were already saying this, but you might not have seen it.

People were saying it initially, before I had time to even wrap my head around the issue. 

So I could have been addressing these comments. I could have been saying “these comments don’t make Melissa homophobic!”

I could have been thus replied to you, “I didn’t derail the conversation to if the cast is homophobic, they did!” or something of the like.

But the truth is, it’s a different matter entirely.

I understand that saying “they’re not homophobic” after a homophobic statement is missing the point, and often shifts the blame from the person who said the homophobic statement to the person who is telling them that they did. They’re ‘attacking their character’.

And you saw me discussing Melissa and Jeremy’s intensions, and perhaps thought I was saying something along the lines of “They’re not homophobic, so they can’t say homophobic things!” or even just, “What, are you saying they’re homophobic???? That’s not true!”

But neither hit the mark.

I already hold the belief that someone can say something mildly homophobic without the “label” of homophobe really applying to them and without them necessarily being bad people. 

So I’d probably be making that point if I thought they said something mildly homophobic.

But I don’t think they did.

And I already know that people who have no ill will toward gay people can say and believe homophobic things.

The difference is, my assessment of this situation is that the appearance of the homophobia in the phrase, “They’re not gonna get together, they’re only friends” depends on what the speakers were thinking when they said it.

i.e. There is nothing innate in that phrase or it’s delivery, when separated from intent, that is homophobic.

The first thing you need to realize is that every accusation of homophobia from someone who is gay is not necessarily accurate.

Gay people have a wildly better understanding than straight people of what homophobia is, and should always be trusted and listened to, but every gay person is not always going to be right about this. This is why, within our own community, we’re arguing about this. We, as gay people, do not have an infallible understanding.

So now, let me propose a scenario in which something is interpreted as homophobic, but is not actually homophobic:

Someone walks in on their friend making out with someone of the same gender, and very emphatically exclaims, “gross!”

The gay friend, who hadn’t yet told their friend that they’re gay, reasonably supposes that this is in response to the kissers both being the same gender. It’s not the first time they’ve gotten this reaction to making out with the same gender, and it really just makes them feel like utter shit.

Later, the gay friend confronts their friend for saying that her making out with someone of the same sex is “gross.”

The friend then explains that they weren’t saying it as a response to them being the same gender, but because they see the gay friend like a sibling, and witnessing them making out with someone was gross for that reason. 

They’re sorry it stirred up bad feelings in the gay friend (and probably should have realized that they might feel this way in the first place and then controlled their reaction), but they claim that they didn’t actually say anything homophobic.

But a gay person’s feelings were hurt because they’re gay and because of the larger state of society, and ‘people can say homophobic things without intending to’, so it can be confusing to people who are trying to figure out if the instance was, in fact, homophobic.

So if you’re still not convinced, let’s change the friend’s response to the confrontation.

Instead of “you’re like my sibling,” the friend says, “I’m a sex-repulsed asexual, so that kind of stuff really grosses me out.”

Pretty clearly just a misunderstanding, right? Calling the instance homophobic would seem pretty of out of touch with what happened.

So in these two kissing scenarios, the initial reaction of the friend to the kiss was the same, the feelings of the gay person after hearing the reaction were the same, the greater context in society was the same, and neither the ‘sibling’ friend nor the ace friend said “gross” because the kiss was between two people of the same gender.

So why is one so clearly a misinterpretation of what happened and the other still a difficult question to answer? What’s the real difference? What changed?

…Your trust.

You’re reasonably sure that the ace friend isn’t lying about being ace and you’re reasonably sure that the ace friend really knows their own feelings about the situation. That they didn’t say “gross” because they don’t like gay people and then misinterpret their own feelings as something else.

But with the non-ace friend, those doubts still lurk.

What changed was your interpretation of if the friend might have had homophobic thoughts.

If they did say “gross” because they don’t like seeing two people of the same gender kiss, even if they didn’t really mean to offend anyone, even if they don’t think that “not wanting it in their face” is homophobic, the instance was homophobic.

If they said “gross” and it had nothing whatsoever to do with the kissers being gay, it wasn’t.

In this situation, intention doesn’t matter, the not-gay friend’s opinion of what thoughts are homophobic doesn’t matter, but whether or not the friend has thoughts that are homophobic, does.

Of course, which thoughts concerning gay people are homophobic is not for straight people to decide.

Straight people don’t get to say, “Not wanting to see two girls kiss isn’t homophobic!”

But a straight person is allowed to say, “Not wanting to see my friend make out with someone isn’t homophobic,” because there is no conception or opinion of gay people involved.

Now, if there were other signs that pointed to the straight friend not liking gay people, one might conclude that the sibling thing is a cover.

But the nature of the event is still dependent upon if the person in question has homophobic thoughts.

Essentially: We get to decide what kinds of thoughts about gay people are homophobic, but we can’t always tell if someone actually thinks those thoughts. 

We can determine that the thought, “two girls kissing is gross” is homophobic, but not whether or not someone has thought it.

And thus, because communication is complicated, certain phrases and actions can be read to mean something homophobic, but actually mean something entirely unrelated to same-gender attraction.

And this brings me to the situation at hand.

People have been interpreting the yelling of “They’re only friends! They’re only friends! They’re not gonna get together, they’re only friends.” as “You’re ridiculous for thinking that two women should be together.”

But that is a thought that is not actually expressed.

No ideas about the concept of wlw or wlw pairings were actually said. 

All that was definitely said was that Lena and Kara aren’t going to get together.

There are interpretations of the event that give it a tint of homophobia. Such as the theory that the shout-y way it was said was their backlash to being uncomfortable with wlw content.

But it’s just a theory. We can’t call the actual event homophobic without knowing the truth.

And my personal read of the situation goes like-

Jeremy was responding to the crazy amount of attention the fanbase has given this romantic pairing that they’re not actually trying to make in a possibly frustrated (and attempting to be funny through purposeful over-reaction) manner. I also think the fact that he was putting on a show added to his urge to over dramatically yell something. I can kinda picture him doing the same thing to a different plot line that isn’t going to happen but is discussed non-stop, though I don’t think a similar situation would be very likely to occur for him to react to.

Melissa didn’t bring it up, and I don’t really see any hidden meanings in her going along with the perceived harmless joke. To me, it looked like she joined in with ‘We’re only friends!’ to play along in kind of a “I’m Kara and people keep asking me if I’m dating Lena but I’m not, GOSH,” way.

Later when they discussed the backlash Jeremy would get, they thought the fans would be angry because their ship wouldn’t be canon like any fans for ships that don’t work out are, not because the fans would think they’re homophobic. How utterly they missed that possibly just affirms, to me, that they weren’t even thinking of it that way- “this is a gay pairing”.

Plus there’s just no way they’d yell that in an interview if they legitimately thought that the ship being two women was weird. If you have ideas that are obviously not ’politically correct’ you know that they aren’t politically correct and are careful with how you present them.

The point is, that if (as we have established) the homophobia of the moment depends on if they had homophobic thoughts, if we don’t know that they did have homophobic thoughts, and if there are other reasonable explanations for their behavior, why is the default to assume that they were being homophobic?

The way I see it, we have absolutely no reason to consider this moment, or Jeremy and Melissa themselves, to be homophobic. 

[keepyourpantsongohan]

Ayesha Liveblogs SAO S1

The real question is how no one has arrested this game creator yet 

There are only two types of game players those who create their avatars to look as much like them as possible and those who want to be a pretty princess 

“2,000 people have died so far” well that escalated quickly

Lmao @ Kirito’s group-work anxiety same my guy same

I don’t trust Blue Haired Knight he is hanging back at the rear while everyone else fights 

Well he’s dead now so I suppose it’s irrelevant

I like that Kirito was phased by the fact his partner was a pretty girl for about five seconds before he was calling out battle tactics

Jesus Kirito went from plucky young boy to Edgelord in ten seconds

“Are you talking about suicide?” “That’s not such a bad idea” I mean... u right

I can’t be the only one wondering what’s happening to their bodies while they’re spending literal months in this game unable to eat or defecate

How do u think Kirito’s mum would feel about him sleeping in bed with girls

Kirito made friends and they all died so quickly yikes 

All of Kirito’s decisions are made so abruptly he decided to adopt Silica out of nowhere

Nice to know romance isn’t dead in the virtual reality hellscape

Things are so happy right now I’m sure everything’s about to go terribly fucking awry

Apparently Kirito is a bounty hunter now these time lapses are wild

I can’t believe Asuna is taking Kirito on a date in exchange for letting her nap

Grimlock is a name that screams evil but I’m honestly more suspicious of Yoriko

It seems me being suspicious of someone means they’re immediately going to die lmao

Nope I was correct the first time whoops

“How many times you been married anyway?” Kirito pls 

“I had to kill her while she was still my wife” calm down Othello

Kirito, explaining marriage: “If you marry someone, that means you already like whatever you know about them, doesn’t it? And if you discovered something you didn’t know about them before and fell in love with that too, then that would be awesome?”

Dfghjkfhgkjdhgksd;hf

Lisbeth: Brr it’s cold

Kirito: Well damn Lisbeth I can’t control the weather

But if Asuna has a date and it’s not with Kirito who else are these teens romancing 

“Especially if that someone’s a girl like you, Lis” the biggest recurring trope in this anime is that Kirito is inadvertently romantic 

Lis is such a good friend she sees that Asuna likes Kirito and immediately backs down

“It’s been almost two years since this game of death began” yikes how decrepit must your real body be what about your family what if some of these players have children you are a child

These domestic virtual times are sweet but depressing because their lives are a lie

Sfdjhgdfhgkjh does Asuna’s bodyguard have a titty detector that senses when someone is touching her

“Hey, Klein, still alive huh?” Kirito’s social skill are so great

Lmao @ Kirito punching Klein for trying to hit on Asuna even he seemed surprised by it

I appreciate the plot twist of dual wielding because it’s cool but not like unreasonable within the context of the story

I really do not like that Asuna is basically the prize in this duel 

It’s really zero percent surprising that this event turned to murder so quickly

Literally every choice Kirito makes is so abrupt like I know he likes Asuna but he went from reluctantly joining her guild to kissing her and vowing to stay by her side forever in like a day calm down Romeo 

Gfkhgkjdfhgkfhgkjhfkgj Kirito just wanted to hang but Asuna thought he wanted to bang I’m crying

“And then... we’d get married” I know you’ve been in this game a long time but I feel like you are definitely still minors

This show is the definition of that escalated quickly they decided to get married one minute ago and now they have a house in the woods

“Is he younger than me?!” ASUNA I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU MARRIED HIM WITHOUT KNOWING HIS AGE WHAT IF HE’S 12 AND YOU’RE 17 AND ALSO IF YOU DON’T KNOW HIS AGE WHAT EXACTLY DO YOU KNOW ABOUT THE BOY YOU JUST MARRIED

They’ve still got separate beds and haven’t seen each other naked but also I don’t know what I expected they’re like 15 

I can’t believe they’ve just adopted a child this is insane they are really embracing the ‘I do what I want’ philosophy

You can never escape the stranglehold of capitalism even in virtual reality

“Your mom’s crazy strong, isn’t she?” they’ve really embraced their roles as Yuhi’s parents huh

“I’d rather trust her and regret it than not trust her and regret it” what a lovely philosophy Kirito

It’s really cute that they’re like this little family and all but also really fucked up and sad because they’re not her parents and who knows if Yuhi’s even real

Oh my goodness their baby is a robot 

“Remember, you’re our child” this is going to be upsetting

Did they just promise to recreate their robot baby christ how do you plan on raising her

“Nice job, honey,” this is so funny he’s so proud of his wife the fish slayer

Finally addressing the reality of their decrepit comatose bodies

I knew we couldn’t trust Captain Cheekbones 

I’ve never heard “I promise I’m gonna end this world” said in such an optimistic tone

Whoa they’re both dead that is not where I thought this was going but I guess they went full Romeo and Juliet huh

Well this plot twist makes a lot more sense also how is no one in this hospital stopping Kazuto from escaping the hospital surely a nurse notice him flatline

Is this intro meant to imply that these guys continue to play MMO games after their extremely traumatic two year comas

How exactly did Kazuto explain his relationship with Asuna to her family

Is Asuna’s father going to marry off his comatose daughter?? Surely there are laws against this 

“If I proposed and she could speak, I’m pretty sure her answer would be no” WHAT THE FUCK 

Kazuto makes it sound like she’s just moving away instead of being married against her will while in a coma 

“In the end your heart belongs to her” Is Suguha in love with Kazuto because even if you’re not siblings you’re still cousins ew pls stop

Robot baby has returned

Kirito does not know the meaning of low profile

I am not okay with this cousin-fucking vibe that’s going on Leafa u need to stop

This dude is a fucking rapist I hate him 

How is Kazuto’s education going I wonder considering he just lost two years of his life 

“Do you feel the same way about him?” Obviously not bc she’s too busy wanting to fuck her cousin

Dickface accidentally giving Asuna hope by confirming that Kirito lives

“Did he.... set you that way?” Leafa is asking if Kirito has a daddy kink

This level of drama and dedication to not letting anyone die must not make sense to someone who does not know he was trapped in a life-or-death game coma

It’s funny to see how quickly Kirito has jumped on the killing train now that there’s no longer a danger of actually killing someone

Although with Asuna there it stands to reason that there is potential to hurt someone because there are still some people whose nervous systems are still tied to the game

I can’t believe that Kirito is delaying stopping his girlfriend’s real-life marriage to deal with in-game politics where are your priorities dude 

Kirito as a news anchor: Violence in video games is ruining this generation

Honestly this boy has never been anything less than 200% Extra a day in his life how does he expect to get Asuna if he is causing a ruckus everywhere he goes

Lmao @ everyone hitting on Kirito while he is lowkey thinking about how he’s married 

I can’t wait for Asuna to murder her forced fiance

“Do I want to be a good sister? Or...” do you want to fuck your cousin? It is the latter and it’s unsettling

“I’m in love with my brother, and that’s something I can’t tell anyone about ever” at least you’ve registered that it’s incest but doesn’t mean it doesn’t give me the heebie jeebies still

Without the context it might just seem like Kazuto and Asuna are a weird couple that calls each other mommy and daddy 

I guess Kirito brought a sword to an arrow fight 

“I can do this on my own,” he said immediately after dying

Leafa tried to give Kirito the Hug of Passionate Restraint but instead gave him the Shoulder Grab of “You’re Making a Poor Decision”

Suguha coming to the realization that her life has twice as much incest as she thought it did

I DON’T KNOW WHO IS MORE UNCOMFORTABLE RN ME OR KAZUTO

“I’m sorry” Don’t apologize Kazuto it’s not your fault your sister/cousin wants to bang you

“Right then and there, I swore to close the gap that had grown between us over the last couple of years” looks like that gap was closed a little too well my guy 

That’s a lot of love confessions in a very short time frame 

What are you apologizing for homie literally all you did was exist and be a good human being 

I fucking hate Sugo he is the worst person alive

I think this is the first time I’ve seen someone assaulted on screen in an anime I feel sick to my stomach

What kind of honourable ass shit is this Kirito just gave his enemy a sword

I guess honour only extends so far when you’re tossing someone’s bisected body into the air to impale them

What the fuck are you gonna kill a teenage boy Sugo 

Well if you’re gonna get stabbed a hospital is the best place for it to happen

THIS IS THE REAL WORLD KAZUTO YOU CAN’T JUST KILL PEOPLE YOU DON’T LIKE 

Kazuto should really get those stab wounds treated

Lmao @ these priorities “well you just woke up from a coma it’s time to meet and make out”

Pretending you have objection to PDA Ms. Let’s Get Married at 16

I like how they all come out of the VR world and they’re all still fuckin nerds

Kirito is such a good big brother to his creepy little sister

[lilietsblog]

Strike Witches episode 1: first impression

so im gonna try strike witches: the unknown anime i chose to not familiarize myself with the premise beyond 'something like fighter pilots i think?' that i picked up by osmosis

oh hey look a discarded doll. def war is hell vibes here

cant say im a fan of the visuals from the first several seconds, the color scheme and everything seems kinda bland? the only reason im making this observation is bc i had to pause to let it load tho

oh look Very Noticable CGI

(i have a headache and am vaguely nauseous and basically am Very Cranky as a result)

man, there aren't even characters yet. it's been almost two minuets and there still aren't people for me to relate too that's a crime by which i dont mean that literally but just 'this might not be the thing i want to watch right now'

oh hey monsters okay this is better than just straight up war is hell between humans omfg in 1939 subtle 'we wanna play with ww2 era toys but without bringing up the fact japan was on the side of nazi germany' i assume sure im onboard if thats the premise

magitech??? magitech!!!

that's. their legs. in those things. are they evoking Baba Yaga and her travels in a stupa bc thats okay panty shots i think imma quit at the end of this episode

oh i. just realized this is the movie that actually makes it a bit better and gives me more hope lets try the actual first episode first

ok the first shot is of the sky and not a discarded doll that's already better

holy shit whatever this video player is it allows to load external captions from pc or url. technology progresses at an incredible pace

i love that the fighter planes are clearly shown attacking the vortex first 9u9

opening has so many girls wearing shoes but no pants. im just. this entire device's entire point is clearly to fanservice that does not mean this is bad character-wise yet ofc. i watched and liked fucking rosario+vampire. this show has a chance yet. lets see what its got

the op song is nice its also very straightforward about aesthetic of this show being 'girls without pants in absolutely non-sexual situaitons' and i can respect that

and oh look it actually does start with characters interacting right after exposition that's what im talking about

okay so now might be a good time to mention that the first context i heard of strike witches was uh. misogynist porn. like the kind that doesnt go for 'look at these relatable characters being kinky' but for 'consider: what if powerful girls got hurt instead'. so thats the context in my brain and i want to fucking overwrite it

military uniforms+panties are definitely an aesthetic and im incredibly amused by it okay every single girl here doesnt wear pants sure that actually looks like a swimsuit rather than panties and thats nice

also they are characterizing the protagonist! like i know thats not much to ask for but im going into this straight off blogging about madoka and this is just such a relief! she is kind and brave and plucky and talks gently to a scared kitten and I love her also she Does Not Think Things Through shes like the typical shonen protagonist but a girl. im in

Yoshika her name is Yoshika

and her motivation is her dad but eh sure whatever I kind of like the touch of 'it was classified military information' not sure why

theres nothing about Yoshika that qualifies her other than her personality and magic powers huh

yep thats a swimsuit aww shes a healer!

I love that the military observers rush to help as soon as they see something is off theres work and then theres helping emergencies

oh!!!! her mom and grandma are around!!! and teaching her!!! im happy!!!

Yoshika why is all that a 'but' to 'you should learn to control your power' i dont think there was any subtext of 'you shouldnt even try' there? or was it? maybe i should just trust her for now

awww Yoshika actually doesn't want to go to war <3 but this woman thinks she will because she wants to help people and she'll help people the most there I I like this ;~; I'm so happy I like this I love Yoshika's 'fuck war' instinct I love her drive to help everyone and in fact the trope of magical healer almost killing themselves to help a patient (despite it being professionally inadvisable) is actually the thing i made my very first rp character sooo :> you know. stuff something is fishy about that letter. its no coincidence it was sent just now... I love Sakamoto and her A+ social skills HA HA HA HA HA also huh... she's not in on whatever's up with that letter

Yoshika so uh alright she'll take her without enlisting her huh interesting but uh what about school I guess military and witches can override all that and it kind of makes sense to me thematically

'Britannia' gee how familiar that name sounds and i dont mean geographically

so hm could Yoshika be a military doctor without actually enlisting? how do the formalities work there i like that Sakamoto doesnt question her dislike of all things military like its unexpected but mostly bc Sakamoto's got a one track mind that has a hard time expecting anything other than what she wants to happen and beyond that its like 'sure ok a conscientous objector got it' even though its weird how there would be conscientous objectors to fighting MONSTERS its not like theres an alternative to not fight I mean also clearly Yoshika is a kid and theres room left for that in other characters' treatment of her opinions and I love that they dont get Offended that she doesn't understand and Have Proper Respect well Sakamoto doesn't at least not sure about how other people will react

man that raccoon on the road sure was convenient though. like i first thought it was Sakamoto's deliberate tactic to gauge Yoshiko's powers. she was opening her eye to i guess do just that visually and then the raccoon appeared and it just felt very natural that one follows from the other? is this foreshadowing or are the writers of this anime just unfamiliar with the concept of 'subtle' i dont mind if its the latter tbh

(im writing a ton of reflection bc the episode broke after i tried to rewind a little and i decided to download it after all, and its doing that)

so far, this show seeems nicely straightforward and fast paced. like, really straightforward. yoshiko's introduction? saving a kitten. making a ww2 era anime without difficult shit? monsters attacked in 1939. motivations and revelations are handled with all the subtlety of a hammer to the face, from the raccoon to the letter. even fanservice has the same charming quality that makes me actually be okay with the entire point of their outfits being gratuitous panty shots. making sense and having pretense is for the weak. this anime knows what it wants to be and is going straight for that. i respect that approach

also its p clear that what it wants is to be character driven and its been Delivering on that since its only half episode one and i already Love two characters personally and also some supporting cast (Yoshiko's entire family)

and like you know that in some other show GASP MIGHT MY DAD BE STILL ALIVE would be a reveal saved for like. the halfway point. but here its literally the starting point spurring everything into action bc all other motivation was just too slow to get the character where she was supposed to go. good job yo

there's this trope where the main character doesn't want to go into the main conflict (Refusal of the Call)... and very often it's handled by either 1) letting them wallow until everything goes to shit showing how wrong they were or 2) immediately conveniently wrecking everything so they have no choice now I uh. am really glad this show went a different way if just joining the conflict isnt a good enough motivation GET A BETTER ONE and IT DOESNT HAVE TO BE ANGST (and it doesn't have to be romance, either!!! why are those two the only things writers seem to be able to think of jfc)

...okay I was more like two thirds through the episode rather than half but my points stand

okay so I think what just happened was Yoshiko realized the parallel between herself and her dad leaving and got scared and her response was to comfort other people and I love that <3

I love that Sakamoto doesn't have a doubt in her mind that Yoshiko isn't going to be useless and will definitely help and also comes to her to discuss this explicitly <3

man I love Sakamoto and her absolute lack of social graces and sense of when enough is enough

and the fact that Yoshiko is working chores now and seems to enjoy it too <3

and it's when it's established that she's part of the team that Sakamoto starts showing off <3 she clearly has a dedicated well thought out campaign of convincing Yoshiko going on and its borne out not of manipulation but of clear conviction that she is right and she just has to show the girl what she doesnt know yet <3

ahaha of course showing off worked <3

so I paused and imma make a bet with myself on whether Sakamoto is going to tell her 'if you liked that you can join' right now or leave that unsaid subtly my bet is that she is, bc subtlety is an entirely foreign concept to this wonderful human being, and if i lose im going to make my bed right now not even waiting for the end of the episode let's see

oh she starts with education huh, this is not widely known? i had no idea anyway lets see if she says the thing

I love that it's her dad and it's this kind thing of 'this is what he said he was going to do, and he did' <3

huh so that was slightly more subtlety than I expected, she offered her to try them rather than trying to recruit her directly so I lost the bet gotta go make the bed now

BAM DONE YAY GOOD SELF CARE

hey more main characters!!!! I love all of you already!!! you have personality and discuss things that make sense!!! including their outfits!!! I love them!!!! the parasol girl is my favorite but also the tiny girl and the red-haired girl they are all my favorites!!!

omfg a month of travel and half a day early Yoshiko gets impatient I love her

YOU ARE A NONCOMBATANT she said with the steely confidence of a commanding officer <3

I love so much that Sakamoto respects Yoshiko's boundaries re: fighting???

OMG THE ENDING SONG I LOVE IT

I love the upbeat and airy tone this show manages to have despite the premise??? like I had trepidations at the start bc I dislike doom&gloom-heaviness of 'war is hell' narratives and I'm not a WW2 affictionado. but instead of shiny boom boom toys and angst it's all character adorableness and so much sky??? even the lack of pants ends up feeling like freedom this is the anime we all deserve

[sightful-tangents]

december 28, 2017

I turned 24 this year. I think this blog is now 5 years old, because I still remember writing a bio along the lines of "the girl who writes this blog is 19 years old". When I was 19, I couldn't picture myself at 21. I couldn't picture myself at 22 or 23 and now I'm 24. I never saw a future for myself back then, and it excites me that this year, I had mapped out a 5 year plan. Albeit, this plan is literally just "get a cat."

24 isn't a big or important number for me. If anything, I'm looking forward to 30. But it just feels like a nice, round number. I want to feel as if I'm stepping into myself more and more as I go through my twenties.

A lot has happened this year. When December first rolled around, I was worried that my year wasn't good enough. I'll circle back to personal growth, but in terms of 'events', I think a lot of things happened.

Places traveled: Boston, Barcelona, Bogota, Amsterdam, Brussels, Geneva, Vancouver Island, Tobermory.

I met two book blogger friends who were absolutely delightful and I loved chatting with them. I think it's because they have access to my Twitter and in a weird way, Twitter is where I can be more... authentic. Facebook really is for just keeping in touch with friends, Instagram is a curated photo album, this Tumblr is usually more private and personal thoughts, but Twitter is where I write things that I find funny (I get it, I'm self-absorbed) and generally scream about media, books, feminism, current events, and complain about IRL people who don't know about my feed. And my book blogger friends have full access to this extra-authentic self, which is why I think I felt immediately comfortable when I met them. And they're just funny and so great to talk to.

I watched good movies and read good books and listened to many good podcasts. I read a lot of news, and I felt a lot of feelings. This is the year that I felt more. The year that I got choked up more times than I can count while scrolling my way through the internet. More often than not, something Hillary-related can quickly conjure up something in the back of my throat. I still can't watch the Kate McKinnon SNL post-election piano performance without almost tearing up. I cried from happiness for my friends when I heard they were engaged. I cried from relief when (and this feels like ages ago) the muslim travel ban was overturned. I cried when I read books and articles. I cried to movies. I cried to videos.

When I was younger, I tried so hard never to cry, to not react, to not feel. And I think one of the biggest changes these past few years has been giving myself permission to feel. To dig deeper into my emotions rather than trying to stamp them down and move past them. I love feeling. I love it when something makes me want to cry. It reminds me that I'm alive.

The biggest change, of course, was that I left a job and started a new one and moved across the country. I negotiated my salary. I still sometimes can't believe everything unfolded the way it did.

I am NOT equating my experience AT ALL to any of the absolutely horrific harassment allegations that unfolded in recent months, but in a way, I felt like I could have a deeper understanding of how women's careers can be affected by powerful figures. When shit was going with my boss, when he was pissed off and saying things like "I can sue you but I won't", it made me want to get away from him just so this becomes a bridge that I won't even be near. I had two job offers, one in BC, one in Toronto, and I won't lie when I say that the fact that BC would be far away from my boss wasn't a factor in my decision making. I wanted to get out of the entire industry, and I understand that what transpired WAS NOT EVEN THAT BAD. I'm very conflict-adverse, but when an even that is kind of minor (I can't even tell if I'm gaslighting myself these days) makes me want to leave the industry I've worked in for 2 years, I can't even imagine how a more serious transgression can affect a young person just starting out in her career. It makes me angry and sad. Boy, does that sum up 2017.

Anyways, so I'm back in BC. And I'm getting more and more settled in and making friends (bless my amazing roommates, I am so grateful they are awesome) and as I become more comfortable, I'm also a bit nervous because I do want to eventually return to Toronto. In my head, the timeline is sometime in late 2018 or 2019. But I know as I start to build my life here, it'll only make it harder to leave.

Oh, and I had such a lovely Christmas. I got really nice gifts from my mum, and she was telling me about how happy she is, and my heart just swelled. I'm not a great daughter. I know I can be better, and I know how I can be better, but I don't do it. But, it still makes me happy that my mum feels so happy this holiday season.

And now, back to personal growth. I kind of wish I experienced more personal growth this year. Or maybe, it was just that last year was so drastic in terms of what was changing that this year has mellowed out. I mean, things like dating felt too easy and familiar and not risky. I didn’t take on any drastic 30 day challenges, nor did I unearth particularly prickly revelations about myself. I didn’t really strive toward self improvement in a conscious way that I feel like I had in 2016, and especially for the last few months (after moving), I allowed myself to be much more of a passive consumer. Under the guise of “getting settled into a new job”, I wasn’t really chasing knowledge. I was watching pointless hours of Youtube when I got off work (at a stunning 4pm, like omg), which is legitimately a waste of time and I really don’t like that about myself. It just feels like I’ve given myself a pass to be lazy with this job change, when I wish I could be more invigorated and actually do more things with all my free time. Anyways, being more productive will definitely be a goal next year.

I know this is like an extensive preamble, but anyways, I did want to write a bit about my 2017 New Year's Resolutions. I don't stress myself out about meeting all of them, but if I can hit around 50% I'm happy. Let’s go:

FINANCIAL:

1. Hit a savings goal for money.

2. 4 times a month, don’t spend money.

I would say I only missed 2 or 3 months for this goal.  

3. Organize my receipts system.

Solution: take a picture of all my receipts and email them to a dedicated email account.

4. Get rid of ‘invoice guilt’. 

It helps if I’m annoyed so I can channel a “give me my money” feeling…

5. Budget at the beginning of the month.

I didn’t really budget my next month, but I paid all my bills… does that count?  

6. Make 5K from side hustles.

Yay, did this.. mix of extra work and gifts. Yes, I count gifts as a side hustle. Hush.

 RELATIONSHIPS 

7. Continue to call/talk to my mum at least once a week.

I can now see my mum once a week (if I wanted to… I think she secretly hopes I don’t make any friends so I can continue visiting her on my weekends…) 

8. Continue dating people and figuring out what I want/need within a relationship context. 

Kind of, I think. I have an idea. But I dunno…

9. Don’t be so wary of commitment. 

Hmmm. This is weird. In a way, I feel like I’m more ready to commit, but none of the people I dated this year were people I wanted to commit to. I’m gonna cross this off anyways though, since it’s a mindset, right?!

10. Make 3 new friends. 

I did this! I have 3 new roommates! They are all my friends! Plus I made even more friends than that. Big smiles, all around.

11. Be more open with current close friends. 

I think I’ve done this. In any sense, I’m much more honest and happy to talk about anything and everything.

12. Look people in the eye during conversations.

I made a conscious effort to do this. I should carry over this goal to next year too.

13. Become a better storyteller in conversations.

There is still so much room for improvement, but I think this is something that I’ve gotten better at. And I know this sounds so so lame, but I’ll sometimes think ahead of time of how to structure something I want to share, so it makes more sense to the listener and is more entertaining to listen to.

14. Compliment people more.

I kind of want to cross this off, but I don’t think I *seriously* achieved this.

 PERSONAL (TANGIBLE)

15. Read 35 books (of which 30% will be non-fiction, 1 will be a finance book, and over 50% should be adult). 

I think I only read 20. Sigh. Same goal next year.

16. “Fucking Exercise”

Oh…lol… next year.

17. Find something to work toward, whether this is a hobby or a new job or something else. Try and be motivated.

I have a new job? Does that count? I don’t know if I’m more motivated though. Hmm.

18. Buy a plant. Keep it alive.

I did! I bought 3 succulents. I threw them away when I moved because I realized that I am Bad. At. Plants. In all honestly, it just freaks me out that they grow so quickly.

19. Publish or write 3 freelance articles. 

20. Read the news (NYT, Atlantic, WaPo). Read widely, critically, and thoroughly. Stay informed and engaged in what’s going on in the world (which includes Canada!).

Yes. Kind of. This last month was tough though, as the GOP Tax Scam was going through, it just became so hard to not completely disengage. Hell, I’m not even American. I really considered (still consider?) just stop caring. I know I shouldn’t though. (Oh, and I still don’t know what’s going on in Canada.)

21. Take more photos (even phone photos count. Also, get a new phone).

Same goal next year.

22. Watch all the Oscar Best Picture nominees.

Unfortunately not.

23. Go to the doctor!!

I got a Pap test and it was fine. Ladies, go do this.

24. Travel goals for 2017: San Francisco, Eastern Canada, and the far-fetched one: South America. I’d like to take at least 2 weeks off (straight) to travel. 

I went to Europe and South America for work!! And Boston! I have 20 vacation days next year and I plan to make them count.

 PERSONAL (INTANGIBLE)

25. Don’t compare yourself to others.

Yes. I’m glad.

26. Strive to be better, not better than others.

I think so. As said in my preamble, I don’t think I reached this to the degree that I wanted in terms of self-improvement, but I do think I tried to be better.

27. Try harder to be Warm.

I think so. Again, not as much as I wanted to, but I am deliberately and intentionally more generous and loving with my friends.

28. Be more assertive.

I negotiated my salary. I ran business meetings, managed coworkers, and asked for things.

29. Not have the same problems as you had in 2016

I’m gonna say yes. I had VERY DIFFERENT PROBLEMS LOL.

30. Know price, value, and the difference between them. 

I took a lower paying job because I wanted the work life balance. Just saying.

31. And a repeat from the previous years: Be better than I currently am. 

I think so. Always room for improvement.

 32. And because it worked out well last year: Take risks. Of all sorts. Because, why not.

Hello from my desk in Vancouver. Because, why not.

Final Tally: 24 for 32 HELL YEAH (half point for #2 and #24)