#bc I picked to move here knowing it would be far and that plane tickets to Vegas are very expensive for holidays

[tarantula-hawk-wasp]

Love when I’m homesick so I call home and end the phone call crying instead bc the frustrations I have with myself are voiced aloud by my mom. And she is pragmatic and solutions oriented to a fault and while she is sympathetic to how exhausted I am from two jobs and physical stress walking everywhere etc there are things I simply have to get done. Full stop. And I am weeks to months behind on those things. So she berates me with half baked ideas for bandaid solutions (like using paper plates when stuff that goes in the dishwasher isn’t the problem, and she doesn’t get why it’s hard to work when my wifi isn’t functioning etc) bc she hates feeling helpless to assist me but unfortunately she lives 2,000 miles away and most of my problems can only be solved by me myself having more time and energy than I do

[v-hope]

One Way Ticket

Pairing: Kim Taehyung x Reader (ft. Yeontan bc Family)

Genre: Flufffff, established relationship, long distance relationship (not for long), and like, slight angst at the beginning if you squint your eyes and do a backflip

Word Count: 4k

Summary: Long distance relationships are never an easy thing, and although you and Taehyung had managed to make it work for four years and were used to not seeing each other that much already, he couldn’t help but feel like his birthday was ruined at the news of you being stuck at the airport due to a bad weather flight delay. However, although things didn’t quite go to plan, it only took for you to arrive two hours before the day was over for it to be his happiest of birthdays so far.

A/N: Hellooo, well, obviously this is for my man’s birthday 🥳💝 This story takes place in my Red Flags series’ timeline since one of you requested it and I thought it would be really cute, but you don’t need to have read it to understand what’s going on here. I hope you guys enjoy! please let me know your thoughts~

“You were supposed to be here today” Taehyung reminded you, unconsciously tightening his hold on the phone as his low voice did a good job at letting you know just how upset he was.

You sighed, that alone letting him know you weren’t having a good time with said fact that was just not happening anymore either. “I can’t control the weather, love…”

Now, he knew that. Of course he knew that. But right then, he really fucking wished you did control the weather. That way you wouldn’t be stuck in another continent still due to a snowstorm that had delayed, if not cancelled, all flights that week — a stupid snowstorm that was keeping you away from him for longer than you should have.

It was a joke. It had got to be a joke.

That was what Taehyung kept telling himself throughout the whole phone call, and continuing to believe —to wanting to believe— so even after you hung up.

You were supposed to arrive that night. That had been the plan all along. All his schedule he had rearranged so he could make sure that particular night he would spend with you. Just you and him. Since the very next day, also known as his birthday, he would have to go to rehearsal for BTS’ presentation on the 31th like every other year, he was looking forward the most to this night. He had it all planned out. Your flight would arrive at 8pm, he would pick you up and then the two of you would have dinner together back at your —now— shared place. You would wait up until midnight, have some cake afterwards, and then stay up late so you could, well, catch up on a few coupley things you had been missing out on for a good while now. After all, you had not seen each other in nearly five months.

It was funny, how he used to always say he would never be able to do long distance relationships when he was younger, yet here he was now, four years —and going strong— into one. It was hard as hell, he could not deny it, but he wouldn’t have had it any other way, not as long as he got to be with you in the end. And at the end of the day it was all worth it, for you had finally graduated uni back home, managed to find a job in Seoul, and were now moving in with him like the two of you had agreed on a long time ago, once you realised you were most definitely sticking together for as long as your lives allowed you to. So, even if he had to wait a little longer to see you, this time it was different, for you had only gotten a one way ticket, and he would never again have to drop you off at the airport and cling on to you like his life depended on it, somehow being harder for him to let go of you as the years went by.

Nevertheless, it sucked. Right then, it really fucking sucked. Five months had gone by without seeing you already and turns out he would now have to wait one or even two more days than planned? Bullshit. And that if he was being optimistic, because he swore to God he would lose his shit if you had to spend New Years Eve on a plane, alone. Not like you were spending it together to begin with either, since he had that thing to attend to, but you would at least have a good time with some of the friends you had made during the time you had stayed in Seoul for your uni’s exchange program, and who had now invited you over to a party you had oh-so-excitedly told him about.

That night, Taehyung went to bed late. Still wanting to believe with everything in him you were just pulling a prank on him like you loved to do every now and then, and that you would walk through the front door anytime with that tired face of yours after the long ass flights to Korea he was so used to by then — the same exhausted face that would light up as a bright smile took over your factions instead at the sight of him.

However, that night, you did not make it home. What you did make it to instead, was to be the first one to congratulate him on his day. Over the phone, yes, with the airport’s background noise and not in person like he had wanted to, yet there you were being once again the first one to do so, at exactly 00:00. And somehow, that alone was enough to make him happy before going to sleep. Not as happy as he would’ve been with getting to sleep with you in his arms, of course, but happy nevertheless.

He did not lose faith, though. The next morning, as he got ready to head out to rehearsal, he kept glancing at his apartment’s door over and over, still waiting for it to burst open anytime and for you to walk inside right after.

When that didn’t happen, he looked forward to the moment his members brought him his birthday cake as they waited in the dressing rooms for their turn to rehearse. Now, the guys hadn’t told him they were bringing him cake, but after all these years it was pretty much a given. And it would only make sense that you were there, right? Whether it was bringing the cake to him as everyone in the room sang the traditional birthday song to him, or showing up as a surprise right after.

Once that didn’t happen either, he couldn’t hide his disappointment anymore — still being grateful to everyone else for trying to make his special day a memorable one, yet not being able to fully enjoy it without you there. Even falling in the cliché of wishing for you to be there as he blew out the candles. That was truly all he wanted, after all.

And once his schedule for the day was finally cleared up, his last hope was walking into the apartment that night and seeing you already there waiting for him.

Again, that didn’t happen.

Biting the inside of his cheek as he walked into an empty apartment, although Yeontan was there to excitedly welcome him back home and had managed to bring a weak smile to his face, he couldn’t help but feel his eyes well up with tears. Telling himself over and over how stupid it was to be upset over something neither of you could control, he contemplated calling you for a few seconds, shaking that thought off with a tilt of his head and deciding to go take a hot shower instead. No matter how bad he wanted to, if he did call you, he knew for sure he would end up being even more upset than he already was, and then you would end up being upset as well, and that he did not want.

Not even bothering on drying his hair later that night, he changed into his pyjamas and called Tan to go keep him some company like it was usual by then. Watching the fluffy dog make himself comfortable on the mattress, Taehyung turned the lights off so he could get into bed for once and for all — wanting nothing but to sleep that day off so you would hopefully be there by the morning. Although it would no longer be his birthday, he wished he could at least get to spend some time together before he had to head out once again.

Before he could completely doze off, however, he felt Yeontan snap up from his sleep and effusively wave his tail from side to side as he ran to the closed door of the bedroom. Letting out a tired groan, Taehyung glanced over at the clock on his nightstand, staring at the number ten on it for a second before he turned the lamp on and fixed his eyes on his excited pup.

“I already fed you,” his voice came out hoarse at the lack of speaking, catching Tan’s attention for a second there before he was back at barking at the door. “Don’t tell me you want to go to the b—”

That’s when the sound of a key making it inside the front door’s lock caught his attention. And, you see, only two people had a key to the apartment. One was his, of course, and the other one, much to his excitement right then, was yours.

Not even having time to catch his breath, he jumped off the bed and opened the bedroom’s door, watching Yeontan sprint down the already illuminated hallway as you had just turned its lights on — a huge smile parting his lips at the sight of you, not being able to hold back a giggle of his at the way you had panicked and closed the door harder than you had intended to, so Tan wouldn’t be able to run out of the apartment.

“Tan-ie bean!” you excitedly greeted the pup first thing as he reached your side.

Struggling to move past your suitcase, you managed to kneel down to pet the cute ball off fluff with one hand as you held the other one as far up as you could, holding a strawberry cupcake with a single candle on it that you had already lit up right before coming in — maybe not your brightest of ideas.

Staring up at your boyfriend, who was still on the other end of the hallway, you smiled brightly and stood up straight as he came closer. “Happ—”

Before you could even finish what you had initially planned to sing and had by then settled for cheerfully chanting instead, Taehyung had already pulled you into his arms — unintentionally blowing out the candle as he had rushed over to you way faster than he’d like to admit.

“I missed you” he mumbled, wrapping his arms tighter around your figure and burying his face in the crook of your neck as he felt his heart at ease.

You smiled sweetly, wrapping your arms around him as well —being careful enough not to stain his designer pyjamas with the cupcake’s icing— and pressing down a small kiss to his shoulder.

“I missed you, too” you cooed, hearing him giggle when you planted a kiss on his neck this time.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were getting on a plane already?”

“Because I thought I would get here before you came back from rehearsal and I’d surprise you. You know, wait for you with dinner and whatnot…” you pouted. “But then of course I had trouble with my luggage and got here way too late. So I got you a cupcake and a candle instead!”

Taehyung giggled at the way you had ever so cheerfully said that last part, pulling slightly away from your body so he could glance at the cupcake in your hand you had just raised up in a victorious way.

“You could’ve just showed up barehanded, said ‘happy birthday’, and I would’ve been the happiest”.

“You interrupted me when I was about to tell you ‘happy birthday’, though” you huffed over dramatically.

Letting out a light laugh, he securely cupped your face in his warm hands and rested his forehead on yours, smiling blissfully as ever at how close he was able to have you right then, at how he was able to feel your warmness in his hands after all those months. “You can say it again now”.

“But you already blew out the candle” you pouted, bringing the treat closer to him so he could see your point.

“I guess this is the moment my wish comes true then”.

“You didn’t even get to make a wish, you idiot” you rolled your eyes.

“Oh, I did” he nodded his head determinedly. “Earlier today. And not to brag about it, but it already became true”.

“Was it perhaps for me to arrive today?” you coyly batted your eyelashes, earning a very visible roll of eyes from him.

“Cocky, aren’t we?”

“I mean,” you shrugged, taking a step back from him and his hold. “I can always go back home and send your actual wish ov—”

“Yah,” he stopped you as you dramatically turned around to pretend to leave and Yeontan followed right after, pulling you back to him by your wrist. “I didn’t spend pretty much my entire birthday wishing for you to get here so you can leave me just like that” his eyes turned softer, yet still held that playful vibe in them. “Besides,” he pulled you closer, this time by your waist. “Funny how you said ‘go back home’ when this is your home now, baby” your heart skipped a beat at his remark, appreciating the way he looked up and puckered his lips as he pretended to fall deep in thought. “Hm… Maybe I misheard”.

You giggled at the way he had copied your overdramatic ways, bringing your free hand up to sweetly caress his cheek. “My bad, love”.

Taehyung smiled, with that boxy smile you fell in love with years ago, and nodded softly to let you know it was alright. “Can I get my birthday kiss now?” he murmured, ever so faintly brushing his longing lips against yours. “I’m kinda dying over here”.

Shaking your head in amusement as you laughed, you bit your lower lip. “Just kiss me already, you dork”.

So he did, not even dreaming of wasting another second before his lips hungrily crashed against yours. He had missed you like crazy, he always did, but right then, as your soft lips were pressing on his and your hand made its way from his cheek to the back of his head, entangling your fingers in his still damp hair, he realised just how bad he had craved your touch, how bad he had craved you.

Having him deepen the kiss, you couldn’t help but take one step back as you had lost your balance — his hand being quick to bring your body right back to press against his, later resting on your lower back to keep you steady as his other hand firmly cupped your cheek.

“Happy birthday” you mumbled against his mouth when you had pulled away to catch your breath, feeling the corners of his lips curve up before he pressed them to yours once more.

“It is now” he hummed, drawing tender circles with his thumb on your chin and not being able to hold back a giggle when it was you the one to steal a kiss from his mouth right then.

Your breath hitched when you felt his hands made their way down your body, letting out a squeal when they grabbed your thighs and picked you up without a warning — your arms wrapping tightly around his neck and legs around his waist as his hands were firmly placed on your ass to keep you from slipping down while he walked the two of you out of the hallway and into the living room, having Yeontan run past you two and go lie on the couch.

“Yah, I just got here and you’re already going for second base?” you teased him with raised eyebrows.

Taehyung shook his head, cockily raising one of his own. “I’ve earned my right to all bases a long time ago, I don’t know what you’re talking about”.

“Don’t get too cocky, Kim Taehyung” you warned him as he sat you down on the edge of the counter, being careful enough not to knock down one of the pictures of the two of you that were neatly displaying on it. “I might revoke all your rights”.

“You wouldn’t” he daringly squinted his eyes. “Not on my birthday”.

You threw your head back, letting out a loud laugh and placing the cupcake down on the counter before you went back to his eye level. “Only under two hours until it’s over, so...”

“You wouldn’t” he repeated confidently.

“What makes you so sure, old man?”

Shaking his head in amusement and deciding not to comment on the taunting name you had just called him, he didn’t even try to hide the smirk that was curving up the corners of his lips as he leaned in. “I just know”.

Not even trying to play it hard anymore, you met his lips in the middle, humming contentedly when he placed his hand behind your neck so he could take control over the kiss he was not quite willing to let go of yet. And neither were you, which is why your eyes remained closed and your lips slightly puckered up —clearly wanting more— when he suddenly pulled away one minute later.

“Okay, now tell me my birthday present!” he demanded.

Still being too stunned by the intoxicating kiss he had just given you, it took you a second to open your eyes after hearing his muffled yet excited words against your lips — eyes locking with his excited ones as his hands unconsciously rested on your thighs.

“Oh, it’s in my bag!” you jumped up once you managed to understand what he had meant. “Let me go get it”.

Although your words were meant for him to move aside so you could get up on your feet and rush over to the forgotten suitcase on the hallway, Taehyung did not move an inch — if anything, tightening the hold of his hands on your thighs to keep you from going anywhere.

“Not that one”.

Your eyebrows knitted together in confusion. “The cupcake?” you offered, earning a light laugh from him, along with a small shake of his head. “Sex? Because I know I was just threatening with revoking that right, but since it’s still your birthday, I mean...”

Taehyung laughed wholeheartedly, once again shaking his head no as he brought his face closer to yours. “Although I would love that and will take you up on that offer later,” his bold words managed to bring some heat to your cheeks. “That is not what I meant”.

“What did you mean then?”

“Just want you to tell me something...” he hinted, gently caressing your sides. “How long will you be staying, baby?”

You rolled your eyes when it finally hit you what he had meant all along. And you couldn’t help but laugh lightly at how such simple things were the ones that made him the happiest. “Well, considering I only got a one way ticket over here this time,” your heart sped up at the way his smile grew wider at the sound of that. “And that the rest of my stuff will arrive here in a few days… I’d say I’m staying for quite a long, long time”.

“How about forever?” he smiled brightly.

You giggled, tilting your head up in anticipation as you felt him lean in to press his mouth on yours. “I like the sound of that”.

“I love the sound of that” he agreed, pressing another kiss to your smiling lips.

And you truly did, for although you were leaving everything behind, your family, your childhood friends, your culture... it was easy as long as you had him. And even though you knew there would be times homesickness would hit you like a truck, especially when the time came and Taehyung would have to go on tour with his group, you were ready to start your new life here with him. You had already lived here once for a year, after all, the only difference being you now got to live with your long term boyfriend, and, of course, that you wouldn’t have to count down the days until you had to go back home and away from him anymore.

“Everything alright?” he wondered, catching up on the way you had momentarily spaced out.

“Mhm…” you were quick to reassure him with an eager nod of your head. “Now eat your birthday treat before I do” you threatened, grabbing the cupcake that had been lying next to you all along and bringing it up to his face.

Taehyung chuckled, pressing a lingering kiss to your neck that was sweetly followed by another one. “But I have my birthday treat right here…”

Although flustered by both his words and the way his lips kept peppering soft kisses all over the sensitive skin of your neck, you stood your ground. “Pretty sure I’m your girlfriend, but oh well”.

He chuckled once more — before you could react, dipping one of his long fingers on the icing and spreading a good amount of it on your lips. “Now you’re both”.

You didn’t really get to fully laugh at his playful antics before the sound of it was muffled by his mouth sucking on your bottom lip, his fingers holding onto your chin to keep you from pulling away as he deepened the kiss — making sure to remove every last trace of icing on your mouth before he slid his tongue into it.

Breaking the kiss for a brief second for what he thought was to catch your breath before bringing your already swollen lips back to his awaiting ones, he found himself letting his jaw drop when you opened your mouth not to kiss him once more, but to bring the infamous cupcake up to it and loudly bite down on it.

“Yah, that is my strawberry cupcake!” he called you out — although trying to act mad, having a hard time hiding his smile at the way you had just covered your full mouth as you laughed whilst trying to chew right then.

“You weren’t eating it, so…” you shrugged.

Before you could take another bite, however, he grabbed your wrist, quickly moving it up to his mouth instead and shoving the entire baked good into it in just one go.

Petrified after what just happened, you stared at your now empty hand — amazed by the way he had managed not to bite into your fingers with how fast and forceful his mouth had been, before your eyes fixed on your full-mouthed boyfriend as he struggled to chew the whole thing down.

“Mine” he stated, not minding to cover his mouth as he was almost done with it already.

“I tend to forget how big your mouth actually is” you admitted, mindlessly sucking the remains of icing from off your fingers.

Taehyung scoffed, rushing to swallow down so he could properly speak. “You out of all people should know what my mouth can d—”

“You know,” you cut him off before he could pronounce that last letter and bring his cocky point across. “Booking a return plane ticket sounds really tempting right now”.

“Oh, yeah?” he tauntingly raised one of his eyebrows, pulling you closer to the edge of the counter and making you wrap your legs around his waist. “Good thing from now on those return tickets will bring you right back to Seoul”.

That was what made him the happiest. After all those years of buying ticket after ticket, all those years of having to drop you off at the airport so you could go back home, all those years of having to wait for endless months just so you could see each other for a few days, all of that, was over now.

From that night on, this was your home. You, him and Yeontan, and of course, the eventual additions that would be made in a couple of years.

And that was the best part. No matter where you travelled to from now on, you would always just go visit abroad and return right here, back to him — never again being almost about to miss his birthday, for you would both go to sleep and wake up right next to him during all the upcoming ones, just like he had ached you to do every single day ever since you got together four years ago.

[himbeaux-on-ice]

Hello! I was wondering if you could please explain to me what Robin Lehner said yesterday about vaccination and competitive edge? English isn't my 1st language and from what I gathered NHL and PA promised VGK that if they get vaccinated the restrictions on them will lessen and they can freely leave their houses. And when they players got vaccines, NHL changed their promise and said players can't do that until all of the teams across the league are evenly vaccinated (shitty move from NHL, 1/2

2/2 as always). But what did Robin mean talking about competitive edge? I rewatched the video 3 times and I still don't understand :( Did the league make it a competition between the teams? "The sooner you all get vaccinated, the sooner there'll be no resctions on you?" I hope, I'm not completely missing the point, sorry about that. Big respect for Robin for speaking up and calling out the league. I'm really happy seeing players speaking up for themselves and their teams

Hi anon! I’ve spoken about this already a bit here and here, in case you haven’t seen those yet and think they might answer some of your questions. But I’m happy to elaborate further! I hope I can clear this up for you.

First, just as a note: Right now it doesn’t seem to exactly be clear what the NHL and NHLPA did or didn’t promise players in terms of easing restrictions, but it seems like Lehner was definitely given the impression by somebody that a team getting fully or mostly vaccinated was the ticket to not being under such strict isolation. The NHL for their part seems to be claiming they promised no such thing, but it’s hard to know right now whether that’s just them covering ass, or if there was just a misunderstanding somewhere in which what they actually said was not fully clear to the players. [Elliotte Friedman voice] More news may be yet to come on this.

Right. So as far as “competitive edge” goes, I can definitely explain that. You’re only a little off the mark. What he means in this case is that the NHL is concerned that letting more fully vaccinated teams live under a less intensely restrictive set of internal rules (regarding things like dining together, exercising together, sitting next to each other on planes and busses, having more group off-ice social time, sharing hotel rooms, having in-person coaching meetings again, etc) will lead to that group having an on-ice advantage in their play over other teams who are less vaccinated and still have to live under full restrictions.

Because the NHL is intensely obsessed with “parity of sport” (trying to make the conditions of competition the same for all teams regardless of outside factors wherever possible), they always in as many situations as possible want to eliminate any potential leg up one team could have over others. This is why we have things like the salary cap, rules about scouting players, rules about how draft picks are distributed that try to make sure struggling teams have a chance to draft well, rules against signing your best players for 20-year contracts so nobody else can have them, etc.

In general theory, being parity-oriented is good! It aims to make sure that the success of teams on the ice and in the standings is determined by the hockey play/skill alone as much as possible, not by franchise wealth or other things they did to get an unfair jump on the competition. And that should make the games more fun and less boring/predictable in most cases! As far as sports leagues go, the NHL has pretty good parity of play overall — there are only a few REALLY good teams and only a few REALLY bad ones, and everybody else performs within a pretty similar range most years. This is why back-to-back Cup wins are so rare in the current era, because due to all the rules to enforce parity there are relatively few teams that are THAT dominant over the competition for a long stretch of multiple seasons in a row, and the odds of any given team winning each year are much more similar. (As compared to like that period in the late 70’s when it was like “who won the Cup? oh surprise surprise it’s the Habs AGAIN 🙄” lol).

However, sometimes the NHL gets unrealistic in its pursuit of making sure everything is exactly the same for all teams. We’ve seen it already this season with the stubborn insistence on making sure the Canucks play a full 56 game season like everybody else, regardless of whether it is safe or reasonable to do so in the time they have left.

This time, the fixation on parity seems to be rearing its head in the form of the League insisting that even if a team has most or all of their players and staff vaccinated, they still have to maintain the same intense restrictions within team spaces as other teams which may be WAY further behind in getting everyone vaccinated, rather than getting to benefit from the lowered risk that being thoroughly vaccinated brings within a closed group like that. And they seem to be insisting on this not because it would be unsafe to change things for vaccinated teams, but rather because of concern that doing so might make that team perform better as a hockey team.

That’s the key part here: The NHL seems to consider getting to (safely) return to a mode of team life that is somewhat more similar to what these guys have been habitually used to pre-pandemic, to be something that could translate into an unfair on-ice advantage in the quality of their play, over other teams who are still doing it all “the hard way” under strict restrictions because they haven’t been vaccinated yet. And because of trying for parity, they want avoid giving teams that “advantage” by basing restriction changes around each team’s individual situation, and instead plan to ease restrictions for all teams at the same time at some point once all teams are similar levels of vaccinated.

Now, US teams seem to be getting vaccinated faster and faster every day, but Canadian teams probably have not started vaccinating their players or any team employees under age 50 at all yet, because Canada’s vaccination process has been painfully slow. So waiting on them to catch up could leave US teams who are already mostly/fully vaccinated still stuck in those restrictive mentally draining conditions for quite some time before the other teams catch up — again, not because it isn’t COVID safe to ease their restrictions if done properly (that doesn’t seem to be a problem), but because the League sees the improvements to their mental state and team morale/cohesion that would come from living a less restricted life together and getting to return to familiar off-ice hockey routines as gaining a “competitive edge” over unvaccinated teams, which would lead to them playing better hockey to a level that can’t be matched as a result.

Which, Lehner is right, is a pretty fucked up way to look at it! “It’s an unfair advantage for you to not be miserably alone and depressed by that and frustrated and doing everything with 16 extra steps you’re still not used to, it’s an unfair advantage to get to actually act like a team off the ice when playing a team sport, so no, we’re not gonna let you eat lunch together or share hotel rooms or whatever” is not exactly a compassionate argument!

Anon I’m also really glad Robin said something about it, and I was glad to see VGK captain Mark Stone put full and vocal team support behind him when asked about it last night on the broadcast too. The mental price of these intense restrictions is something that has been weighing on my mind ever since I first heard they would have to spend all their time on the road locked in hotel rooms alone when not playing and thought “oh god, five months of that is going to be psychologically devastating”. It’s a relief to hear it acknowledged.

I’m not fully sure what the best solution is here, but that mental wellbeing factor absolutely must be discussed in all decisions. It would be fucked up if the League is treating that as something purely technical to be controlled like the salary cap, rather than as a key determinant of health and life (in the short and long term) that is just as important as COVID safety. The old hockey culture of “just suck it up” cannot cut it anymore.

Aside: I think it’s also worth mentioning while we’re here, that I think I do understand why players may be angry about have been talked into getting the vaccine because they thought it would lead to eased personal restrictions, and why I don’t believe that anger necessarily represents an “anti-vaxx” mindset. There are reasons they may not have planned on getting vaccinated just yet which aren’t necessarily “anti-vaxx” cult thinking (though that doesn’t mean they’re smart reasons lol) and would likely seem reasonable to players in-context. I’m gonna put that under a cut though bc this is already really long!

First, there’s the fact that we don’t know what medical conditions some players may or may not have which could make them hesitant to get some of the vaccines out of an abundance of caution. More prominently you also gotta remember, these guys are athletes currently competing their way through an extremely intense and extremely important part of the season as they try to secure playoff spots, playing sometimes as many as 4 games a week. Looking at it that way, it’s understandable why some of them would be hesitant about getting a shot at this particular time which we all know is going to whammy you with a nasty little bout of mild-moderate side effects that hit you like a bad cold for as much as a week. They probably don’t feel they can afford to be laid up with muscle aches, sinus suffering, fatigue, and all the other little fun (and eventually harmless in the end!) things that your body runs through while activating that initial immune response — because in the couple of days that it throws them off for, their team could play 3 or more REALLY important playoff-clinching games, which they could end up underperforming in or having to sit out.

If that is the situation you’re in, and you already feel like the current League restrictions are doing enough to protect you, you can see why you would say “I think I’ll wait and get it during the offseason/during the week break between regular season and playoffs, and just suck it up for these last few weeks dealing with the same ol lonely isolation restrictions I’ve already gotten used to dealing with all season long, rather than be hit with that curveball of possible temporary vaccine side-effects during this time when I need to give it my all every game.” That may sound like a selfish mindset, but I wouldn’t be surprised if that is how at least some of these athletes are approaching it, especially ones who may be single guys without families at home to worry about protecting. (Lehner, for the record, has a wife and two young kids).

BUT, if the League told you (or it sounded like the League told you) “Hey, if enough of your team gets vaccinated quickly, we’ll be able to lift some of the internal restrictions for you guys and let you like hang out and do stuff together within the team again”, and if you were REALLY struggling with the mental stress of that isolated living style, you might weigh the two options against each other and say “Okay, I’m willing to power through a week of potential side-effects and get vaccinated with the fellas if it means I won’t have to be so goddamn miserable and depressed every day.” and then you get the shot(s).

And if you did that, and THEN the League said “lol no, even though your team is fully immunized you still have to sit in your room alone every night and eat by yourself and not leave your house, because it’s not fair to other teams if you guys are no longer mentally miserable like them”, well now you find yourself in the worst of both worlds — still stuck in isolation, AND you’ve still got to play through all the potential vaccine side-effects that will leave you a little off your game during some of the most crucial games of the year.

Plus, that leaves you not feeling like you got to give informed consent — you agreed to get vaccinated (ie undergo a medical treatment) under the expectation that there would be certain rewards to be gained in terms of relief for your mental health, which made you decide it was worth the potential dent in your performance for a few games and any other worries you had about the vaccine, because the prospect of that relief was so worth it. And now, you are told by the League “that payoff you expected never existed, we never promised that, what are you talking about? we can’t change things for your mental health because that might make you better at hockey than the depressed unvaccinated teams”. I can understand how that turn of events could leave someone, as Robin expressed, feeling like they were “tricked” or “forced” into making a choice that they may have done differently otherwise. They felt that they were promised something in return that they didn’t get.

Note at the end of all this: Again, we still don’t know whether the NHL and NHLPA actually made any promises, or if they simply weren’t clear enough in communicating expectations to teams and the players misunderstood what was said to mean something else. Regardless, using the idea that being freed from having to be miserably isolated to an even greater degree than most of the US general public is an “unfair competitive advantage” to now justify not allowing reasonable adjustments to the restrictions for fully vaccinated teams is fucked up, and treats mental wellbeing as just another gameplay-impacting factor to be controlled rather than a deeply impactful part of a person’s overall wellbeing which can even threaten their life. The players must be treated as people.

[chanroyer]

*   ♤   ⧽   —   welcome back to gallagher academy, chantal royer! according to their records, they’re a second year, specializing in advanced encryption; and they did not go to a spy prep high school. when i see them walking around in the halls, i usually see a flash of chipped nail polish and a sucker stuck between teeth, waves that can never seem to be contained, the click of keys on a laptop, the feeling you get when you step too close to a fire. when it’s the aries’ birthday on 03/30/1999, they always request their lobster bisque from the school’s chefs. looks like they’re well on their way to graduation.

*   ♤   ⧽   —   google  doc   /   pinterest   /   wc  .

chan really said i wanna hack into the pentagon just to see if i can

so,   sparknotes  version  of  her  doc   —

  -   born  in  sunny  los  angeles  as  lana  stephens .      she  had  two  siblings,   her  mother  was  a  police  detective  for  the  lapd,   and  her  dad  was  a  science  teacher .      perfectly  normal  and  happy  family,   until  rachel  stephens’  work  followed  her  home .      she  had  been  investigating  a  case  surrounding  an  organized  crime  group  in  the  area,   and  they  caught  on .      to  keep  rachel  and  her  partner  quiet,   they  started  the  house  fire  that  would  consume  almost  all  of  the  stephens  family .      lana  was  the  only  survivor .

   -   she  was  eight  when  this  happened,   and  her  brain  wasn’t  ready  to  cope  with  what  she  had  seen .      so  it  just  wiped  nearly  the  entire  night  clean .      but  she  had  seen  a  man  outside  the  house,   and  was  insistent  on  this  fact   --   he  had  looked  right  at  her .      but  the  word  of  a  grieving  child  wouldn’t  hold  up  in  court .      the  police  department  believed  her,   and  due  to  this,   they  were  concerned  for  her  safety  if  she  were  to  stay  in  la .      so  the  u.s.  marshal  got  involved  and  put  her  into  witness  protection,   which  is  when  her  mother’s  sister  melanie,   who  was  living  in  paris  at  the  time,   agreed  to  take  her  in .      lana’s  name  was  changed  to  chantal  royer,   her  appearance  was  modified,   and,   for  all  intents  and  purposes,   she  was  now  melanie’s  daughter .

   -   after  it’s  decided  that  the  case  holds  no  ground  and  is  thrown  out  before  getting  far  in  court,   chan’s  no  longer  technically  under  the  protection  of  the  u.s.  marshal .      they  helped  her  establish  the  new  identity  and  comped  her  plane  ticket,   but  otherwise  they’ve  washed  their  hands  of  all  direct  involvement  of  her  well - being .      such  is  the  nature  of  the  american  government .      however,   if  the  case  were  to  be  reopened  and  they  find  more  evidence  against  the  group,   then  she  could  be  called  back  to  testify  at  any  time  and  would  be  reinstated  under  witness  protection .      yadda  yadda  yadda .

   -   spent  eight  years  in  france  before  moving  back  to  the  u.s.  to  finish  high  school .      graduated  from  a  new  rochelle  public  school  where  she  picked  up  an  interest  in  computers,   started  attending  nyu  just  after .      she  was  the  poster  child  of  ~directionless  youth~  during  the  time  she  met  a  girl  named  mal .   mal  took  chan  under  her  wing  and,   just  maybe,   she  found  herself  falling  for  this  girl .      mal  proceeds  to  introduce  chan  to  her  boyfriend,   and  the  two  of  them  then  lead  to  her  involvement  with  their  local  hacktivism  group .      as  you  can  guess,   this  ends  p  badly .      whoops !

   -   so  they  get  caught  trying  to  expose  corruption  within  the  city  government  and  nypd .      chan  gets  slammed  with  allegations  of  hacking  into  classified  state  personnel  files  ( which........she  did,   but  she  wasn’t  gonna  say  so ),   and  was  threatened  jail  time .      howeveeeer  her  involvement  in  this  caught  the  attention  of  someone  with  ties  to  gallagher,   who  managed  to  get  her  an  alternative  choice .      avoid  having  a  record,   and  go  to  gallagher  academy .      safe  to  say  she  chose  gallagher .

   -   she  gets  to  the  campus,   has  a  chip  on  her  shoulder  for  a  sec  before  mellowing  out  and  finding  that  she  loves  the  curriculum .      flies  through  her  first  year  advanced  encryption  classes  and  her  curiosity  is  fully  sparked  by  everything  the  school  has  to  offer .      why  go  to  nyu  and  study  bullshit  when  she  can  actually  be  taught  something  useful  with  her  skills ?

misc   --

   -   aries  poster  child .      act  first  think  later .      when  she  applies  herself  to  something  she’s  so ?      determined ?      VERY  straightforward .      impulsive  but  also  the  first  to  turn  around  and  call  someone  out  for  making  a  brash  mistake  .  .  .  dumbass

   -   oui  oui  baguette

   -   buy  my  silence  permanently .     for  $8000  a  month  i  will stop

   -   bisexual  but  like .   at  what  cost ?    prefers  all  women  and  attracted  exclusively  to  men  that  are  fuckin  idiots

  -   her  aunt  is  still  vibing  in  new  york,   doing  fashion  stuff,   and  is  who  chan  goes  home  to  on  breaks .      their  neighbor’s  a  new  rochelle  police  officer  and  chan’s  an  ABSOLUTE  pain  in  his  ass,   nancy  drew  style .

   -   can  blend  in  somewhere  just  as  easily  as  she  can  ensure  she  sticks  out .

   -   childhood  trauma  out  the  wazoo  but  at  least  at  gallagher  it’s  not  fuckin  weird

   -   her  existence  just  .  .  .  radiates  the  aesthetic  of  an  80s  or  90s  film

   -   long  winded  pop  culture  debates  take  up  half  of  her  brain

   -   i’m  just  here  for  a  laff  xx

   -   she  just  likes .   knowing  things .   she’s  not  a  gossip  and  she  stays  in  her  lane  but  she  be  knowing

   -   she  can’t  fight  for  shit  but  she’s  working  on  it

   -   kinda  morally  ambiguous ?      like  she’s  good  at  heart  and  has  a  propensity  for  goodness  but  also ?      if  given  the  right  opportunity  she  would  DEFINITELY  take  herself  off  the  grid  to  do  whatever  she  wanted  w  the  skills  she’s  picking  up  at  gallagher .      could  easily  end  up  fulfilling  the  ‘ hacker  in  a  heist  film ’  trope .      she  won’t  bc  she’s  ultimately  prepared  to  Do  Good  as  seen  by  her  having  a  penchant  for  hacktivism  but  .  .  .  she  rlly  could

   -   character  influences :   nancy  drew,   birkoff  ( nikita ),   alec  hardison  ( leverage ),   amy  bendix  ( punisher......shocker ),   mike  ross  ( suits ),   ginny  weasley,   a  touch ?  of  jesper  fahey  and  nina  zenik  ( six  of  crows ) .

   -   this  is  really  all  i’ve  got  rn  just  know  i  love  her  and  i’ve  been  conceptualizing  her  for  over  a  week  now

[bigbrotherlouis]

harness your blame and walk through

titans // gen // 1k // dick centric canon angst

just a small little thing i wrote about the end of titans 2x09 bc that was a lot and i have a lot to say!!!. warnings for distorted thinking and depression bc that boy is not in a good place. no spoilers for 2x10. shouout to chrysa and kassie for always being willing to listen to me scream abt depressed dick grayson and his destructive tendencies. title taken from the wolves (act i and ii) by bon iver.

enjoy xx

harness your blame and walk through

the busyness of the airport feels like holding the live end of a wire, the electricity low enough not to kill you but not pleasant either. every person who steps near him, steps into reaching distance, feels like another burst of heat against his skin. each one of them a casualty. each one of them once innocent but tainted just by being in his proximity. 

it takes all of bruce’s training to stop him from flinching.

he takes another step in the line, his holdall banging against his hip as he moves. the couple behind him stand too close and it’s bordering on invading his personal space. too close for comfort, too close to be safe. 

the announcement for something or other crackles over the loudspeaker but all dick can hear is slade’s voice, slade’s… sentence. it rings in his ears, echoes in the airy hall, presses down on every inch of his body like the judgement it is. 

to live alone. 

someone smacks into him on their way from the ticket counter and dick is the furthest thing from alone right now. he’s a ticking time bomb, an explosion waiting to happen that will rip through the lives of all these people and destroy them, and he can’t even help them because that is what he does, he rips people apart even as he tries to hold them together. 

“reservations?” the lady at the counter asks and he pastes on a neutral expression. for all his faults, bruce is a good teacher and this is one of the first skills he taught dick: how to hide his distress so people don’t get worried. dick is very good at it. 

“uh, no. not yet.” 

and cast it into the sea forever. 

she maintains professionalism even as dick gets caught up in the memory of jericho, the sound his body made when it hit the floor, the way he had landed across dick’s legs, warm and leaking blood. it’s what awaits everyone he loves if he doesn’t get out of here. 

“i don’t know. um, far, far away from people.”

the lady laughs politely and dick can tell she’s getting worried. it’s slipping, his grasp of normalcy, but slade’s voice— but jericho’s body—he latches onto greenland as soon as she says it. he can handle greenland; he’ll rent a car and drive into the wilderlands. it’s cold, but he’ll manage. he can hunker down in a cabin and live his life in the quiet and the snow, so far away from everyone that they won’t even think to look for him. 

he slides his credit card and passport across the desk. it’s a paper trail but he’s too far gone to construct a new identity, too shaky, too weighed down by adaline’s eyes as she refused to forgive him to think about anything else but getting the hell out of there.

and isn’t it funny, that he had lived so long in fear of being alone, fear of having everyone leave and never come back, when here he was doing the same thing? but then, he’d rather choose the self-inflicted isolation over his friends dying, their deaths on his head. at least now they can be happy. they can live good lives, free from the rot that he brought into their lives, the poison that he poured down their throats when he made the titans drink the kool-aid. they can live good lives away from dick grayson and be happy. 

better happy than dead. better him gone than him responsible. better he had never existed in the first place, better better better. 

sometimes. sometimes he wonders if it was all worth it, if everyone would’ve been happier if he had stayed with the circus. jericho would still be alive, surely, and garth. donna would be laughing, and hank and dawn would be singing, and none of them would even know he existed besides a passing byline on a circus poster: the flying grayson, the magnificent solo act! watch him defy fate all alone!

to live alone. i sentence you to live alone. 

the airport bustles around him. it feels like the tide, ebbing and flowing against his body as he stands unmoving in the center, staring down at the bland tiles at his feet. 

the thing is, bruce will find him. or kory, or dawn, or someone. they’ll track him down to whatever hovel he’s found and drag him out, list all his faults and ask him to do another impossible task for them. they’ll come, all of them if he’s not careful, and then it’s only a matter of time before slade picks them off, one by one. 

it’s not enough. it’s not ever going to be enough. 

dimly, he registers how quickly he’s breathing, how tight his chest feels against his lungs. the plane ticket drops from his hand to the ground but he doesn’t care, doesn’t do anything but flick his eyes up to the screens. greenland isn’t far enough. it’s not safe enough. the titans can still gather there, be in danger there. he has to—

not until you’ve paid for your crime.

there’s really not a lot of choices here. his options are limited, by time and by effort. if slade wants him to atone for what he’s done, he’ll do it. fuck, he’ll do it. 

it’s only right, isn’t it? he’s a detective, he knows all the crimes and what the penalties will be. he knows how to keep himself safe, how to make himself clean again. no one knows he’s in nevada. no one will be looking for him here, not for a while. they’ll find the flight if they do and assume he fucked off to greenland, fucked off to play hero in the woods and ice. they won’t look at the jails for a while. 

assault of an officer is eight years when it’s without a weapon. maybe that will be long enough for everyone to forget about him, for his name to be erased in their memories and written over by someone new, someone good. even if it isn’t, it’s a start. he’ll take it. 

dick walks through the airport, finding the direct line through the travelers and families, drops his bag in the concourse so they can’t say he used that as a weapon. the nearest officers are talking to themselves but they look up attentively when he approaches. 

the first one goes down immediately, dropped by dick’s fist. he avoids the punch of the partner and flips him over his arm, snagging the gun on his way down. there’s just enough air for the man to send out a warning over the radio and then dick hits his nerve, rolling him over unconscious. the people around, civilians, watch as he slides his gun into the path of the incoming police men. their faces are wide with confusion, with fear. 

there’s no adrenaline in dick’s body, nothing to make him jittery or nervous, just a cold, deadly calm. it’s what’s best. it’s for the better. he’s doing the smart thing by taking himself away. 

the electricity sparks across his skin again, that livewire that comes from being too close and too dangerous. soon, he’ll be gone. they’ll be safe and he’ll be keeping the danger, swallowing it down so it can’t hurt anyone but him. 

him. alone. just as slade said. 

slowly, carefully, dick grayson puts his hands on his head.

[id-rather-be-an-outsider]

Sunflower Dreams | pt I

Aaron Davis (Spiderverse) x Reader

word count: 1757 (or about that, I made some tweaks after I copy pasted it here so uh.... rough guestimate?)

summary: when young and educated y/n’s given the opportunity of a lifetime, she plans accordingly. her life is finally starting to be perfect, until suddenly, it’s not anymore. her friendly neighborhood bachelor, Aaron Davis, helps her pick up the pieces, as she unknowingly makes him see that there’s more to life than being a villain.

a/n: I decided to write this story bc Aaron Davis gets no love, which is crazy to me, and because I had a little idea cooking up in my head that I thought would be a good story. I took a lot of inspiration for the protagonist from my own life, but you’re only gonna hear slivers of it for now. I have no idea how many chapters this is gonna be, but like. I hope someone enjoys this, bc I know I will enjoy writing it. also. I wrote this story from my perspective, so when I imagine the reader, I envision her as kinda ambiguous in the ethnic department (I’m mixed but white-presenting), but she can be whatever ya’ll want her to be. lightskin, darkskin, anything. okay. Imma let ya’ll read now haha jk I also gotta say, HELL YEA I USED TREVANTE RHODES AS MY PERSONAL FANCAST FOR AARON DAVIS, THAT MAN IS FWOINE AIN’T NOBODY FINNA TELL ME ANY DIFFERENT FUCK OUTTA HERE

    I didn’t make a big deal about moving to New York to pursue my Masters. Already had my Bachelors in Business Administration with a minor in Fine Arts, just got my Bachelors in Education, and now I was ready to chase after my Masters. It only made sense to take the opportunity. How often are you gonna be offered a full ride in exchange for opening your own business in Brooklyn upon graduation, with the funding necessary to do so? Once it took off, I’d return to Tacoma and pay the city my gratitude for making me who I was.

     As I was saying, it was a quiet departure. Thank God I’m a minimalist, otherwise I would’ve had a LOT more items to bring with me. My boyfriend and I packed all my belongings and made the trek across the US after saying goodbye to my family and friends. He was driving. We held hands all the way there. Sometimes speaking, sometimes not.

     When we got to my new home, I already had a parcel of mail waiting for me from my university. After we took up the first load, we sat down on my empty floor and opened it. It welcomed me home and had a map, coffee shops and fun places circled for me to go visit. It was sweet.

     By noon we had everything in my unit thanks to a friendly neighbor named Aaron Davis and his nephew, a funny kiddo named Miles who reminded me of why I came to New York in the first place, and by the evening we had everything unpacked. We walked to a Starbucks and had coffee and sandwiches, now sitting on my bed with our stomachs full. The window was open, the faint beeps and honks of traffic coming from far below.

     We curled up into each other. “I fucking hate this,” I said. “It’s not fair.”

     “I know. I do too. And you know I would stay here with you if I could, but I’m still having no luck finding a job here.”

     “Fuck finding a job, I’ll be the breadwinner of the family,” I laughed, even though I was serious. He knew I was.

     “I can’t burden you like that financially. I promise, as soon as I land an interview, you’re gonna be the first to know. And as soon as I get hired, I’m showing up on your doorstep.” He kissed my forehead. “I don’t say it near enough, but I love you, and I’m so proud of you.”

     “I love you too. And thank you. It’s like, my entire life is falling perfectly into place, all but- well- except for you.”

     “We’ll get there, I promise. For now, just finesse every man or woman here who will buy you dinner, and try to have fun.” He rubbed my back, continuing, “You’ve never dated anyone but me, so... take it as your opportunity to learn about what you like, and once we’re together again, we can find a way to fit any new and quirky tastes you find you have into the relationship. But-“ His hand moved down quick and slapped my ass, squeezing it and illiciting an ‘ow’ of protest from me- “This is still mine, so no fucking, or else I’ll be doing more beating than just beating that pussy up.”

     I laughed and said, “You fuckin’ freak.”

     “Yea, but you like that shit.” He said confidently.

     “Shut the fuck up, why you gotta be so loud about what we do when the window’s open?” I gave him a light punch, then whispered in his ear, “But aye, like, I won’t deny it.”

     “Good, because that would’ve been real awkward after I’ve been in them guts for four years straight.” Then he lowered his voice. “Speaking of which, I’m trynna be in them once more tonight and tomorrow morning.”

     “I dOn’T hAvE aS HiGh Of A sEx dRiVe As YoU!” I mocked him in my best Spongebob voice. “Always lyin for why?”

     He pulled me on top of him and kissed me, his way of telling me to shut up nicely. “Shhhh, I’m just trynna make the most of the time we have left before I have to go back to Tacoma.”

     “But you don’t have to go,” I said, “You can stay here-“

     He cut me off with a series of kisses, “I already-“ “-bought-“ “-the tickets-“ “-so I actually do kinda have to.” He wrapped his arms around me, petting my hair. He always said I had the softest curls he’d ever touched.

     “I just wish you could stay,” I whispered. “We’ve already made it through so much, each of us on our own and then together, I just-“ I cut myself off. The tears welled up in my eyes, threatening to spill over. “-I just-“

     “Baby, say it. If your overthinker brain is gonna torture you with this, I wanna hear it so I can put those thoughts to rest.”

     “I just keep thinking that something’s gonna happen to you and I’m gonna lose you. The very idea of that terrifies me, and makes me want to weep-“ I go cross eyed as I watch a tear fall from my eye and trail down my nose- “-because I don’t know how to live without you. And I mean that in a couple ways.”

     “Well... I’m not leaving you forever. I’m coming back here as soon as possible, I’m gonna talk to you on Discord every chance I get, I’m gonna call you every day,  and I’m gonna go to sleep every night dreaming that I’m here with you. For all we know, I could be coming back here in less than a month.” He tilted my chin up to look in my eyes. “Even if I’m not physically present, I’m always gonna be here. You’re never alone.”

     “I love you.”

     “I love you too.”

     In the morning, we slept in late and cuddled until he absolutely had to get up. We both hopped in the shower and he put on his airport clothes while I pulled on a pale, lemon yellow sweatsuit with a white gold chain to match. Gotta let these hoes know, I outdress them even on my bummy days.

     The ride to the airport was a back and forth between us kissing at red lights and screaming out different lyrics from XXXTentacion, Post Malone, JUICE WRLD and whoever the hell else we felt like listening to as we drove, much like we did since the beginning of our relationship.

     When we got there, we took our time saying goodbye since he didn’t have to stress too much about baggage check. We said we loved each other, once I couldn’t see him anymore I called him and we talked while I drove back to my new home and he waited for his flight, and then he was called to board so we got off the phone, but not before he promised me that he would call me as soon as he landed.

     When I got home, I stopped by the mailbox to see if I had anymore mail and simultaneously checked my Instagram, seeing a flurry of notifications. Suddenly, his mom called me.

     “Hi mom, what’s up? Are you okay?” I said as I scrolled through my Instagram, trying to make sense of all the digital confusion.

     She sniffled.

     “Mom, what happened?”

     “Check the news, babygirl... have you not seen it yet?”

     “Uh, no, I haven’t, but I’ll check it out right now,” I said, putting her on speakerphone.

     She started sobbing, saying “I’m so sorry, baby, I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have called you like this, but I wanted to be the one to tell you.”

     And that’s when I saw my worst fears in a news article:

NYC - Sea Bound Plane Crashes, No Survivors

A horrific accident has happened today, and experts are still struggling to find out how - a plane headed to Seattle malfunctioned mid-flight, claiming the lives of everyone on board. Many of the victims have already been identified by their families, not by looks, but by the identification on their bodies at the time of the incident. Below this article are photos of the bodies. If you think you can identify one of them, contact...

     I couldn’t finish reading. I scrolled and saw the bodies, all of them mangled and torn apart, almost unrecognizable as humans. Hearing his mom say ‘he’s dead’ over and over again as I stared at the pictures made me lose my stomach.

     Up came all of my breakfast, and whatever Starbucks I hadn’t yet digested from the night before.

     “Mama, I love you, but I have to call you back later-“ a pause as I threw up again. “I’m physically sick. I’m so sorry,” I sobbed the last sentence, and after hearing a teary goodbye from the other end, hung up. I’d dropped my mail the first time and only now noticed that it was covered in my mess. I didn’t care. I started crying, which was a mistake, because it only made me throw up more, this time nothing but bile.

     “Hey, are you okay?” I whipped around, facing Aaron Davis, the friendly man from the day before.

     “I- I’m sick.” I said, and immediately burst into tears. “Please help me.” Those three words rarely ever left my mouth, but even I know when I can’t do something on my own. He put his keys in his pocket and reached out to me.

     Mere minutes later, I was in my unit, crouched over the toilet, heaving. Aaron had guided me there, holding my hair out of my face as I continued to puke. He called management and told them what happened, and he told me they were already cleaning it up.

     “Listen... I know it’s not my place to say anything, seeing as I’m just your neighbor, but...” He rubbed the back of his neck as he was crouched beside me. “I overheard the phone call. And I overheard the conversation you had with your boyfriend last night. He loved you.”

     “I know he did.” I said, because it was true.

     “I just... look, if you need anything, I’m here. I know you‘re hurting a lot right now, and I know you may want nothing but for everyone to leave you alone, especially the new dude who isn’t minding his business, but if you need anything, I’m here. And Imma check up on you. You’re not alone. You’re never alone.”

     I laughed, but it held no real warmth. “He said that last part to me yesterday night.”

     “He was right. And still is.”

[winnipegpatty]

to all the boys i’ve loved before [part i] | s.m.

part ii. part iii.

a/n: hey its your local idiot who accidentally deletes her own writing. i changed the gif bc don’t even try and tell me that doesn’t look like a high school noah centineo esc shawn mendes. 

It was the last dinner as a family before Ari would be going to college. Of course she’d chosen the absolute farthest place she could have picked: England. To celebrate, Dad was making Mom’s famous tamales. Well, he would at least try.

“I hate when he makes tamales” Sofia whined. “He always messes up the masa and it’s all crumbly and dry.”

She was eleven, and she was definitely the drama queen of the family.

“It’s sweet,” Ari cooed as she led Sofia down the stairs, “And no matter how it tastes, you take a big bite and say mmmm just like Mom’s, okay?”  

Sofia rolled her eyes, but nodded in agreement anyway.

Just as the three of them reached the stairs, Josh stepped into the entryway, heading straight for Ari. With a quick kiss, he greeted his girlfriend, before hollering out to their dad in the kitchen. I stayed on the stairs, in the background, as I usually did when Josh was around these days.

“Sof,” Josh greeted her younger sister with a high five.

And finally, me.

Stepping off the stairs, I met him halfway. He high fived me as we all moved into the dining room where Dad was setting the table. Ari went back into the kitchen to get everyone’s drinks fixed up.

“I can’t believe we aren’t going to see Ari until Thanksgiving,” Sofia spoke to the table.

“Well, it’s actually going to be Christmas. England is too far to come home just for Thanksgiving,” their dad answered.

“Christmas?” Sofia asked, looking towards Ari as if she might have a secret trip home planned.

“Look on the bright side,” their dad responded, “Ari won’t be here to hog the car so, Y/N can practice her driving.”

Dad took that moment, to pass out the tamales to each plate, and Sofia noticeably grimaced before covering it with a smile.

“I forgot I had to drive with Y/N now.”

“Feel free to take the bus,” I responded with a roll of my eyes.

“You know if you’re ever in a bind, I can always help out,” Josh offered. He was perfect like that, always offering to help wherever he could. “I’m not disappearing; I still live right next door.”

“Orrrrrr, I could drive. And if we ever get pulled over, we’ll just switch places real fast,” Sofia spoke with exaggerated movements as if reenacting the scenario in her mind.

“Excellent idea, sweets,” their dad chuckled.

Ari returned with drinks in tow, handing one to each person, “What are we talking about?”

“Just how bad of a driver Y/N is.”

“And airplanes,” Josh piped in.

Ari looked at him oddly, “Yeah?”

“Yeah just, ya know...how you weren’t going to be able to come home for Thanksgiving. Which, brings me to this…” Josh dramatically pulled a piece of paper out of his pocket, unfolding it to show Ari. “I thought I’d bring some home to you. I’m coming to England.”

It was a plane ticket.

“Hey, look at Josh steppin up!” Dad cheered from the head of the table.

But Ari didn’t look pleased. In fact, she looked on the verge of irate. “You already bought this?”

Josh stuttered over a few words for a moment before standing up. The tension in the air was palpable, and with just the greatest timing Sof truly has ever had she took a bite of her tamale and said, “Mmmmm, just like Mom’s.”

I guess I should tell you about Josh. For the last two years he’s been Ari’s boyfriend. But before Ari even cared that he existed, he was my first boyfriend. Space between the words boy who was a friend. I could tell him anything. We just really understood one another. He was my best friend. We didn’t exactly stop being friend when Ari and Josh got together, things just became….different. They didn’t want me to feel left out. So they invited me everywhere. Like...everywhere. Even on dates. They tried to make it as normal as possible (for a third wheel, I guess), but it just wasn’t the same. It’s not like I wanted to date Josh or anything. I’m happy for Ari. She deserves an amazing guy like Josh. And so I wrote him a letter, and I wasn’t going to send him the letter or anything. It was just for me. So I could understand all these crazy feelings. But I guess really, it was also about how sometimes I imagine what it would be like if I’d realized how I felt about him sooner. If I could have been the girlfriend instead of Ari.

My letters are my most secret possesion, for no one to see but me. There are five total. Kenny from camp, Shawn from seventh grade, Lucas from homecoming, Jake from Model UN, and….Josh. I write the letters when I have a crush so intense that I can’t even think straight. When I don’t know what to say.

Ari would say I’m being dramatic, but I think drama can be fun. Just as long as no one knows about it.

Ari and Josh broke up that night. Before mom died, she told Ari to never go to college with a boyfriend. And the next morning, she left for England. And that was the end of Ari and Josh.

Ari always said that when something is no longer useful, you either donate it, recycle it, or throw it away. I always knew she felt that way about objects, but I didn’t know she thought about people like that too. I didn’t know it was possible.

_____

It was first day of junior year. Ari was in England. I’d actually cleaned my room last night which has never happened before. And I was driving Sof to school for the first time. It all felt so wrong.

Walking down the halls as a junior in high school, I was almost at the top. I passed Josh, which felt both weird and more natural than it had in the past two years. But as I turned too look at him as I walked away, he looked sad.

Walking backwards wasn’t my strong suit though because moments later I walked right into a person.

“Ow. Excuse you!”

“Oh, shit. I’m so sorry, Gen.” I answered as I moved away from the girl who was basically the devil incarnate. “I’m so sorry, I wasn’t paying attention.”

“Oh, it’s you.” Gen sneered.

Gen...Genevieve. We used to be best friends, but post middle school for reasons having to do with her popularity, and my lack thereof. We are no decidedly, not.

At least school was the same.

“Cute boots,” Gen spoke as she eyes my boots with clear distaste.

“Thanks, they’re vintage,” I did my best to smile.

“And they’re amazing! Not everyone can rock the, but Y/N can really pull them off.”

Christine...Chris. Gen’s cousin. My best friend. My only friend really.

And then walked in the devil’s boyfriend. Shawn.

“Hey babe,” he said as he wrapped his arms around Gen’s stomach, and kissed her lightly on the temple.

“Hiiii.” Gen said sweetly.

“How’re you doing?”

“Oh I’m good, how are you?” She cooed back, clearly enamored by Shawn.

Shawn, you remember him. From seventh grade. From the letter. That’s this Shawn. Gen’s Shawn. Seventh grade, my first real boy girl party, and well, everyone knew that Shawn and Gen, who at the time was still my bestie, only liked each other. And it was at the first long awaited boy girl party that I had my friend kiss….with Shawn. It was only a spin the bottle kiss, but it was a kiss.

“I was just complementing Y/N on her adorable boots,” Gen said to Shawn, “Come on, there are more important people to talk to.”

Gen waltzed away from the them leaving Chris, me, and Shawn to stare uncomfortably after her.

“She just stopped drinking caffeine for a, uh, diet, I think.” Shawn mumbled as he tugged on a few of his shorter curls. “She’s just going through withdrawls.”

“Are you sure she doesn’t just have a chemical imbalance?” I retorted.

“Right,” Shawn said as he turned and walked away.

____

Lunch came around, and everything was wrong again. Ari was my go to lunch date. And now I was alone, yet again.

I ended up on the bleachers, next to Josh. Which wasn’t awkward at all.

“I gotta ask,” Josh asked quietly as I sat next to him. “Did she tell you? You guys talk about everything, and I just….”

“She didn’t tell me about this,” I shook my head.

“Well, we’re still cool, right?”

“Yes, we’re cool.”

We ate lunch then, in complete silence. And before you say anything about it, I know what you’re thinking. We really were cool. However I felt about him, I would never do that to Ari.

____

“This cafeteria is soooooo much bigger than at the elementary school,” Sof squealed. “And everyone wanted to sit by me, oh my god it was just so cool.”

“Yeah, I can totally relate,” I mumbled as we both got into the car.

One more drive and we’d be home free. One day of driving down….hundreds more to go. I waited for Sofia to buckle up, before I began to pull out.

“Woah, hey.” I heard a voice that sounded shockingly like Shawn Mendes.

Sofia laughed, “You really are going to get us killed.”

I shut my eyes closed, hoping maybe Shawn would forget about almost just getting hit by a car. But the tap on my car window said otherwise. I rolled down the window. Honestly, running him over may have been less painful, at least for me.

“Hi.”

“Hi,” I sounded mortified even to myself.

“How ya doing?” Shawn asked with a smile on his face. He was bent down so he was at eye level with me (which made everything a million times worse because his eyes were fucking gorgeous and I was going to fucking die).

“Good.”

“Yeah?” He asked.

“Yeah,” I whispered.

“You know people usually check behind them before they reverse? You know...to avoid killing others. It’s a thing we do.”

“Yeah, well, I’m just not, completely comfortable with the mirrors in this car yet.” I stuttered.

Sofia laughed from her seat, and really I would have liked to have run her over with my car.

“Yeah, clearly. You think you’re going to be able to make it out of the parking lot...or?”

“No, no we’ll be just fine. So you should just go, yeah, we’re fine.”

“Yeah, whatever you say.” He pointed at Sofia in the car, “Hey uh, you’re in charge.”

Shawn walked away, and I rolled up my window as Sofia said, “Who was that?”

“That was Shawn Mendes.”

We sat in the parking lot for a few minutes before Sofia said, “So, are we gonna go home?”

“Yeah, of course. We’re just going to wait for all the cars to leave first.”

____

“You know, Y/N, if you had a boyfriend, maybe you wouldn’t have to drive at all cus he would take us places” Sofia spoke as they were both sat lounging on the couch watching an episode of Stranger Things on Netflix.

I turned to look at Sofia, “If that’s what it takes, I think you’re stuck with me for a while. Sorry Sof.”

“I don’t know, what about that guy you almost killed?”

“He’s dating Gen.”

“So?”

She really was too young to understand these things apparently. Shawn Mendes was taken. A couple like Shawn and Gen don’t just break up. They’re together for at least the entirety of high school. They’re the It Couple. They’re the ones that go on to get married and become high school sweethearts. People like Shawn Mendes don’t leave girls like Gen for other girls like me.

“You know, it’s not just that.” Sofia shifted on the couch to lean against me. “Don’t you find it kind of odd that we’re at home on a Friday night, watching tv again?”

“No?”

Sofia sighed, clearly frustrated with me. “Y/N, I’m not saying this to make you feel bad, but I’m eleven. And I cancelled plans to be here tonight, and well you’re sixteen. And you never have plans.”

“That is way harsh.”

“The truth hurts, Y/N.”

____

Running the mile would most likely be the death of me. Chris, God bless that girl, was keeping pace with me despite the fact that she could have easily passed me by now. Only two more laps were left, or was it three? I was honestly just banking on Chris knowing or the coach to stop us at the right time. This could quite possibly be the third year in a row that I failed to make the time for the mile, but I wasn’t about to start practicing for this or anything.

“Hey!” I heard a voice from behind me.

I looked over at Chris to see if she was talking to me, but she just shrugged her shoulders at me.

“Hey! Y/N,” I slowed down, looking behind me.

It was Shawn. Shawn Mendes.

“Can I talk to you?” He asked.

“Um, me?” I asked, still slowly jogging alongside Chris and with Shawn trailing behind.

“Hey, SM, I heard my cousin dumped you for a college freshman, that true?”

“Uh, I heard you have horns, that true, Chris?”

“Yep, they’re red and shiny.”

Finally they came to a stop. I was definitely failing the mile. “I need to talk to you, Y/N. Uh, alone,” Shawn eyed Chris.

She hummed, slowly backing away, “Well, if you need me, I’ll uh, yeah.” She ran away and gestured in the direction she was running.

“Listen, I wanted to say that I’m flattered, and I appreciate it. But it’s just never gonna happen.”

“I’m sorry, what? What are you talking about?”

Clueless was a pretty good word for this moment.

“Look, from what I remember of that kiss it was hot, for it being in seventh grade, and I think it’s really cool that you think my eyes like sparkle or something.”

And it was in that moment that you saw it. The letter. Yes, the letter. The letter that you’d written to Shawn, never to be given to Shawn. The letter professing your all consuming seventh grade sized love for the boy that had been dating your best friend’s cousin for months. This could not be happening. How did he get that letter? Who sent him that letter? Did the others have letters too? Shawn was still talking, saying something about how he and Gen were just so fresh, he couldn’t start anything else. But I wasn’t listening, I looked over his shoulder and saw what was quite possibly my worst nightmare.

Josh.

Josh, who was headed towards me and Shawn, holding a eerily similar looking letter in his hand. He looked just as confused as I currently felt, and I did the first thing that I could think of to stop the oncoming questions Josh most definitely had. I kissed Shawn.

Yeah, I know. Not my smartest idea. Not my proudest moment. But I did it, I practically threw myself into Shawn’s arms, and kissed him. And not the seventh grade kind of peck kiss we’d had prior. But a real kiss. Like a, I need to make Josh think I’m in love with Shawn Mendes right now so that he won’t think I’m in love with him kind of kiss.

And just as I pulled away, Shawn looked equally as confused as Josh had before. Before Josh could say anything, I ran past them, back towards the main building. I think I heard Josh call after me as I ran past him, but I definitely did not stop to look back. And that’s how I evaded the two most uncomfortable moments of my life. Or so I thought.

Heading straight for the girls restroom, I locked myself in the nearest stall. Quite literally falling to the ground in a fit of panic. But without even a few seconds of privacy, the door opened.

“Hey, Y/N, you in there?”

“No.”

What the fuck. Why would I actually say no?

And then, another letter, this one addressed to Lucas, was being slipped under the stall door.

“Look, I just saw you run in here, and I wanted to make sure you were okay,” Lucas said from the other side of the stall door. “I thought you might want that back.” He meant the letter, “It seemed a little personal.”

“Lucas, I wrote this years ago,” I said as I finally made my way out of the stall. It looked like this wasn’t a conversation I could get out of.

“Freshman homecoming, right? I had a lot of fun that night too,” Lucas looked at me. He had kind eyes. “But I thought I should tell you, I’m gay. You know that right?”

“Yeah!” I said overly excited, “Of course, I totally knew that.”

I definitely did not know that.

“Okay.”

____

The letters are out. They’re out. There’s nothing I can do about it. Silver lining. Kenny’s letter was addressed to the dorms at camp, so he’ll at least never know about my crush.

“You really oughta relax,” you heard Josh’s familiar voice in your head. Great, hallucinations. So I was officially insane. Maybe I sent the letters out myself and didn’t even remember. “I know you love me.”

“Loved. Past tense. You’re Ari’s.”

“Dear Josh, I lie awake at night. And sometimes I wonder what it would be like to run my fingers through your hair. What it would be like to lie and stargaze with y--”

“Shut up! You’re not real.”

From your window, you could see Josh approaching your front door. Awesome.

“I’m more real to you than he is,” the Josh in your head responded.

Not even seconds later I heard dad calling for you from downstairs, “Josh is here!”

Time to face the music, I guess.

Orrr, I could always climb out the window. Which seemed infinitely like the better choice than having to tell your sister’s ex boyfriend that you used to love him. Yeah, I’m definitely going out the window. Stepping out of the window seemed easy, until I tripped and fell. I rolled down the small roof, and yep, right onto the fucking grass. But whatever, it’s fine. That’s the price I pay for avoidance I guess. I grabbed my bike from the front porch and hightailed it to the diner across town.

I sat in peace, drinking an amazing strawberry milkshake, until Shawn came in and sat down. Right. Next. To. Me.

“Hey, Y/N.”

Would it be possible to ignore him?

He ordered a chocolate shake and waited for you to say something.

“Whatcha doing here?” I decided on casual avoidance. Pretend like the elephant didn’t exist and it would disappear, right?

“I’m just here to take down a delicious chocolate shake, eh?”

“Cool, cool.”

“Actually, I stopped at your house and your sister said you’d probably be here.”

I was going to kill Sofia.

“Look, I just wanna be super clear. I’m flattered, for real, I am. But like, Gen and I just broke up.”

“Are you trying to reject me right now,” I asked with disinterest.

“Well, yeah. Cus it didn’t really seem like it...got through to ya, the first time, back there, at school?”

“Shawn Mendes, I’m not trying to date you.”

“Okay, like I hear you, but you’re not really acting like that.”

“Listen, here’s the situation. I don’t actually like you. I just kissed you, so it looked like I liked you so that someone else wouldn’t think I liked him.”

Yes, great, tell him all the details. It’s not like the situation was embarrassing enough as it is.

“Oh okay, who’s that?”

“What?”

“You gotta tell me who the guy is, or I’m just really not gonna believe you.”

“No,” I shook my head furiously. No way was he getting that out of me.

“Okay well, then I’ll just tell the rest of the school that you wrote me a love letter.”

“Um, no okay, no. It’s uh, Josh Sanderson?”

“Wait, doesn’t he date your sister?”

“Well, he dated my sister. Like past tense. And he also got a letter, so you can see how awkward and complicated that whole situation could get. And thus why I needed to kiss you.”

Shawn held his hand up as if to tell me to stop, “Wait woah, you sent more than one letter?”

I shook my head.

“Wow, you really think you’re special and then you find out she wrote letters to two guys.” Shawn depressingly sipped from his chocolate shake.

“Uh, yeah. There were actually five letters.”

“You sent five love letters. Damn, Y/N, you’re a player. Who else?”

“If I tell you, will you leave me alone?”

Shawn mumbled a bit, “Maybe.”

“Okay, Lucas James.”

“But he’s...gay.”

“You don’t know that,” I tried to play it cool.

“Everyone knows that.”

I DID NOT KNOW THAT. Why was I the only person who didn’t know that Lucas was gay? Was I really that blind?

“Who else?”

“Someone from camp and someone from the fifth grade. Are we good here?”

“Uh, uh yeah.” I got up to leave before Shawn’s hand touched my wrist, “Wait wait, let me take you home?”

“So...what are you gonna tell Josh?” Shawn asked as his Jeep pulled up to the front of my house.

“I guess the truth.”

“But what is the truth? Do you like him...do you not?”

“It’s not your problem, Shawn.” You smiled as you hopped out of the Jeep, grabbing your bike from the back.

“Hold up, Y/N,” Shawn called as he ran up beside you. “What if you didn’t tell him?”

“What?”

“What if...we let people...think we were together? And like..not just Sanderson, but everyone?”

“Why would you want that?”

“Well Gen went nuts when she heard that you kissed me. And if she thinks we’re a thing, she’ll want to get back together.”

“Oh, so you wanna use me as your pawn?”

“Well,” Shawn rolled his neck a little, “technically you already used me as yours.”

You were decidingly going to ignore that comment. You headed closer to the front door, kicking the stand on your bike and letting it go.

“Look, you don’t have to give me an answer now, just maybe think about it?”

“Bye Shawn,” I threw over my shoulder, ignoring his last statement completely.

Fake dating Shawn Mendes, yeah fucking right. Like that would ever happen.

[thankyoumskobayashi]

TGCF Snakes On a Plane AU starring Ban Yue as an orphan with a collection of 3,000 snakes which she brings with her on a journey to an orphanage. General Ke Mo is the long-suffering pilot, Pei Ming is that asshole who hits on women, Pei Su is his biologist son who is embarrassed by his very existence. Eventually Pei Su helps Ban Yue in collecting all her precious snakes and putting them back in their containers. 

Xie Lian feels his bad luck caused the snakes to break loose, but San Lang (who gave him his window seat and spent the whole flight flirting with him) insists the problem is the quality of the duct tape instead. Bc there was duct tape used on the boxes.... not the smartest idea but how else is an orphan going to load 3,000 snakes on a plane????

By the end of this experience, Xie Lian's Dad Instincts have been activated, Pei Su is ready to become Ban Yue's older brother, and Ke Mo (who has a secret fear of snakes) just wants to retire so he can leave this plane forever. By the end of it, Hua Cheng has bought several things online that Xie Lian mentioned he had to do without, and even put his info in Xie Lian's phone.

Ling Wen fixed the plane in midair because she used to be a mechanic, and since knowing practical stuff like engines helps her fix the plane she saves them enough to let Ke Mo land the plane. I feel like she wouldn't panic even if snakes are falling on her, so she probably fixed the engine wearing at least 3 snakes as a scarf. Any more snakes and she'd probably put them on the nearest item so she can move around.

Also by the end of it Ling Wen wants to keep her scarf snakes bc she likes having the company. Xie Lian wants to adopt one too, but only a snake that's going to grow up small. Hua Cheng immediately orders luxury snake cages, immediately trying to curry favor with him.

Jun Wu is an old grandpa and he offers to take some of the snakes until Ban Yue finds a home. He's only ever had dogs but he'll be damned if he can't learn.

At the start of the airplane ride, Feng Xin and Mu Qing fought for the window seat in front of Xie Lian, eventually Mu Qing won. Behind them Hua Cheng smiled and pointedly offered Xie Lian his window seat. He slipped his arm around Xie Lian's shoulders and the two bickering before only turned their heads around to glare at this rando for daring to make a move on their friend.

Hua Cheng was some rich kid who was saved from a concussion when a ball from a baseball game went flying towards him at high speeds. Little Xie Lian, who was also sitting nearby and had brought a glove, reached over and caught it. He gave it to Hua Cheng with a sigh, telling him to be careful from then on. Hua Cheng had asked his name, and Xie Lian had unwittingly told him. From then on, Hua Cheng tried to unsuccessfully gain Xie Lian's attention.

They had both gotten into the same college. Hua Cheng despaired in his first year, however, groaning hopelessly among the stacks. Xie Lian, who was scribbling a paper nearby, reached over and handed the last of his snacks to this random depressed person among the bookshelves. He was obviously hungry- his stomach confirmed that- yet he gave away the last of his food with some encouraging words and returned to writing.

He didn't know how many times Hua Cheng stopped by his dorm room, awed, reverent, yet kept away by the glares of Xie Lian's roommates. They knew their friend was gay, and they knew assholes would want to date him, so they did their best to keep him from meeting Hua Cheng.

Even the handwritten note thanking Xie Lian for saving him didn't seem adequate. Hua Cheng tore it up and flopped dramatically on his bed. He'd seen Xie Lian that morning and that was enough to inspire him to keep going.

When college was over, he went back to whatever his parents wanted him to do, but it wasn't enough. He kept checking on what Xie Lian would be doing, until finally he overheard Xie Lian excitedly telling Feng Xin and Mu Qing about the trip they were going to take. So Hua Cheng could only book a ticket on the same plane trip.

Mu Qing had the nerve to snark at Hua Cheng. "Break our best friend's heart, playboy, and we'll break your face."

"Believe me, you'd have to bring me back to life to kill me a fourth time if that ever happened," Hua Cheng just laughed.

"San Lang, you're so funny," Xie Lian murmured. "How would they find your soul the 2nd time, let alone the 4th??"

"I'd die several times over before breaking your heart Gege." Hua Cheng tossed him a red stress ball with silver butterflies on it making a pattern like the stitches on a baseball. Xie Lian caught it, tracing his fingers over that unique pattern.

"Here, keep this. It's my promise to you." He stretched, yawning, curling his hand around Xie Lian's shoulder, making him go red and shift awkwardly in surprise.

Throughout the whole plane ride, Xie Lian's getting hit on by this guy who he assumes is an Airplane Rando, but Hua Cheng is talking to him like they're already close. Maybe he's just a really forward person??

Behind them is this little kid who looks scared and uncertain. She is holding her favorite pet snake and looks terrified.

Xie Lian immediately lends her a dog-eared copy of his favorite book to cheer her up. He gives out crayons, coloring books, pencils- you name it. Ban Yue is having a grand old time, coloring flowers in while she tells Xie Lian about how she's bringing all her snakes with her. By this time the snakes are escaping their boxes, but haven't reached the cabin yet.

Ban Yue loves snakes because they're chill, great listeners, and she has someone to protect. Xie Lian tells her that's wonderful, and if her favorite snake is her only one.

By this point, the snakes have found the cabin's ventilation shaft. They are free from their cardboard prison and spread out to explore this large metal box.

Pilot Ke Mo hits some turbulence. Passenger Ling Wen, who was just flipping through engine forums, slams her laptop shut as she hears something go wrong with the plane. She makes her way to the attendant and whispers a plan as the plane's nose dips unsteadily.

Xie Lian buries his face in his hands. "I knew I shouldn't have gone on this trip! Now our plane is going to crash."

"Gege won't crash, I'll protect you with my body so you'll never hit the floor," Hua Cheng draws him to his chest and murmurs comfortingly.

"Shameless!"

"Too shameless!"

"Don't listen to them, Gege. They are jealous of our love~"

Xie Lian resists the urge to ask how he can fall in love with someone he doesn't even know, when he turns around and sees Ban Yue squinting at the vents.

She holds not just her favorite snake, but two now.

"That's funny, I could have sworn I only brought this one with me. How on earth could the others..."

Screams of anger and shouts of alarm echo throughout the plane. The flight attendant had let mechanic Ling Wen have a look at the airplane, and was then notifying pilot Ke Mo of the situation. Ke Mo agreed to make gentle spirals to slow their descent and give Ling Wen time to fix things. However, he wouldn't have anticipated a snake dropping into his lap so that he'd scream and lurch the whole plane forwards!!!

Screams echo throughout the cabin; other passengers must be feeling similarly.

Xie Lian takes all his luggage out of his bag and gives it to Ban Yue for collecting her snakes in. He then picks up the snake around his neck and drops it in there. Hua Cheng immediately offers to put Xie Lian's stuff in with his own stuff. Xie Lian is grateful.

Xie Lian and Ban Yue go down the aisle collecting snakes and apologizing to the over passengers. Jun Wu is deadpan handing over his snake and asks if he can keep it.

Ban Yue is shocked but shakes her head. These are her snakes, and she knows how to take care of them thank you very much.

They continue in this way until Xie Lian is bitten by a snake. Hua Cheng runs up immediately because he "wants to suck out the venom" but Xie Lian stops him by asking what's the point of Hua Cheng also ingesting it too.

"The point is that if anything happens to you, I won't forgive myself!"

Pei Su who has been calmly reading the newspaper this whole time, clears his throat. "Actually, it doesn't have the proper markings. This snake is not venomous."

Ban Yue's eyes lit up. A fellow snake expert?

Soon Pei Su is explaining to whoever is nearby what kind of snake has just landed on them. He joins the crew going down the aisle stuffing snakes into Xie Lian's bag. Eventually, they run out of bag and Ban Yue thinks to check the duct tape on her packaging... d*mn, did the duct tape get loose again?!? She'd have to check and see. A bad feeling for that mechanic arose within her.

Meanwhile in the cockpit, Ke Mo is hollering mad and shaking with fright. "I have HAD IT up to Here with these MOTHER F*CKING SNAKES on this MOTHER F*CKING PLANE!!!" as more and more of the snakes drop from the vents. He has truly tried to stop the plane from landing right away but his stress is mounting.

Meanwhile Ling Wen is fixing the plane while covered in snakes and completely unfazed abt it. She wipes sweat off her brow and pets the snakes hanging off her arms. A look of concentration crosses her face as she adjusts some more things. "Almost there..."

THANKS FOR READING SO FAR BUT IM REALLY FUCKING TIRED. I GOT OUT ALL MY IMPORTANT PLANNING THOUGHTS SO I MIGHT ORGANIZE THIS INTO A PROPER FIC IN THE FUTURE. STAY TUNED

[living-dead-parker]

The MOMA - H.H

Pairing: Harry Holland x reader

Summary: Where Harry sees the most beautiful piece of art the world has ever seen...oh and there's, like, pictures there too. (Where Harry meets reader at the Museum of Modern Art)

Warnings: cussing

Word Count: 1.9k

N/A: This is based off my experience at the SFMOMA in June where I saw a really cute guy who I thought was the love of my life bc he was so cute and soft and with who I had such strong bi-fi connection except this is more how i wish it went down bc me and the dude never talked. Like, we would steal glances at each other and follow each other through the whole Magritte exhibit but unfortunately he was the one who got away :")) but ye and the Tilted Plane part made me really wish I had a Harry Holland to hold hands with so I HAD to add that in too

"Tom fuck off." Sam laughs after Tom pulls his hair as we wait in line to get tickets for the Museum. Tom, Haz, Sam, and I decided to have an impromptu trip through California.  We decided that we're only ever here for work and never get to explore the state.

Currently, we are waiting in line at the Museum of Modern Art in San Francisco. San Francisco was just one of the plenty stops in our road trip and the next is San Luis Obispo to go to different beaches. We decided to stay in San Francisco for three days to witness as much as we can.

"Guys, shut the fuck up. We're in a museum." Haz says. We all nod and quiet down. We pay for our tickets and go down to the entrance.

"Last chance to upgrade your tickets for the Magritte exhibit." the man at the entrance tells us. We all look at each other and nod, deciding to give it a shot. We upgrade our tickets and take the elevators up to the fourth floor where the exhibit is.

Once we get there, we see a group of people standing in a room. We see some people conversing, others looking at the art and others reading the description on the side. We walk through the first room. However, in the second room, my eyes lay on a girl with two girls making out next to her.

She has h/l h/c hair. She wears a white lacy dress with her hair in two buns. She has a pink backpack on her shoulder and black Doc Martens. She turns to her friends and I get a brief look at her face. She has e/c eyes and a cute nose. She has red lipstick and winged liner.

"Uh oh, Harry's being a creep." Haz says. I snap out of my trance and turn to the group.

"Huh?" I ask. They all chuckle, looking behind me.

"She's a cutie for sure." Tom says. Everyone nods in agreement and walks off. They don't stray too far but are obviously giving me space to try something.

"You sure?" I overhear her friend ask.i turn and notices she's alone now.

I walk around the exhibition, stealing glances from her, enjoying how she  looks. She'll occasionally go to the other side of the room but I'd follow her through the whole exhibit. She read through all of the descriptions and takes in all the art. In the fourth room we see a painting of a man with a cage as his head.

She pulls out her phone and takes a picture. I step closer and suddenly decided to speak up.

"Pretty dope painting, innit?" I ask. She turns around, eyes wide in shock

"Definitely. The Therapeutist. One of his weirdest for sure." you respond.

"I'm assuming you're big on art, huh?"  I ask. She nods, looking down a little.

"Yeah, I guess you can say that." you say.

"I'm Harry, by the way." I say holding my hand out. She takes my hand and shakes it.

"Y/n."

"What a lovely name. Say, y/n. Since you know so much about art and this dude, why don't you teach me about his art?" I ask.

She smiles as she nods at my proposition. Turning around, she leads us to a picture of a rose with a knife. She takes it in for a while, running a finger across her chin as she thinks.

"So this one, it's actually my favorite of them all, is called Le Coup au Couer. The Blow to the Heart. It was created in 1952." she says. She looks up at the picture and examines it.

"It seems as the flower is holding the dagger and my way of interpreting it is that those you love tend to hurt you the most. Their love is the rose but their actions or words can be the dagger." she says. I nod, taking in every word as she begins to dissect everything about the painting. The colors and the color scheme, the parallels, how the lines can symbolize different things and I realize what she's doing.

"Can I ask, are you into photography?" I ask. Remembering I've had to dissect and analyze tons of my photographs in old photography classes.

"I like taking pictures of things for sure. But I used to take a photography class my last two years of high school, so analyzing pictures was a big thing in that class. Guess it just stuck." she says. I smile widely.

"That's so cool. I'm a photographer, so I think it's cool how you do that." I say. She smiles widely.

"That's so cool, I'd definitely love to see your work someday!" she says.

We continue through the exhibition and at the end, I see the guys sitting down and talking. They look up and notice us walking out together, laughing at some dumb thing we heard someone say.

"Well, it was nice talking your ear off, Harry."

"Oh, I didn't mind. I enjoyed it actually. Learned something new." I say. She smiles widely and nods.

"Well, I should go find my friends. They said they'd be here but they're not." she says with a frown.

"You can join me and my group, we can help you look for them." I offer, knowing they wouldn't mind. She shakes her head.

"Nah, it's cool. Don't wanna take your guys time here. I'll be fine." she says. I shake my head this time.

"No worries, join us. They won't mind, I promise." I say. She looks around contemplatively before giving out a simple yes.

"Okay, yeah I'll go." she says. I smile at her and lead her towards my group. They all look up at us with wide knowing smiles.

"Hey guys, so this is y/n. A new friend. She lost her friends somewhere so I told her we'd help her find them." I say to the group. Eagerly, they nod, while greeting her.

"I don't mean to sound like a fan girl or anything and I'm so sorry but holy shit you're Tom Holland. Wow." Y/n says as she looks at Tom with an excited look. However, she doesn't freak out like girls in the past have. Something different, which I like.

"Sure am, nice to meet you y/n," he says as he stands to greet her. "I assume you're a fan?" he asks.

"If I'm being honest, Homecoming was better than the other Spiderman movies. But yeah I'm kind of a fan." she admits with a shrug. A wide smile spreads across Tom's face.

"Well thank you!" Tom chirps, his face turning into a genuine smile.

"Anyways, Tom is my brother. Then there's his best mate, Haz. He's basically like another brother. Next to him is my twin brother, Sam." I tell her. She greets Haz and Sam with a simple handshake and a courteous hello.

We walked around for 10 minutes before we found her friends. The friends came up to her, screaming about how one of them almost broke a sculpture. Something about accidentally leaning on it.

"Leave it to Nadia to almost break something. Disaster gays, am I right? Well, we should head to the top floor and then head out?" she asks her friends. They agree with her and are quick to turn around.

"It was nice meeting you, Harry. Again, thank you for letting me talk your ear off." she says. I shake my head, indicating that it was fine.

"It's fine, I enjoyed it." I say. She smiles shyly and waves, walking off. I turn around and see everyone looking at me with deadpan looks.

"What?" I ask. They all roll their eyes at me as I shrug at them.

"You could've asked for some way to contact her, man." Tom says like it was obvious. Which it was.

We continued out throughout the rest of the museum, exploring the top floors first. Occasionally, we'd bump into y/n and her friends. She'd wave at me from afar and vice versa. However, we all managed to ride the same elevator up to the sixth floor. As we began walking the floor, I noticed that y/n's friends would push her towards me. I saw them become friends with my group. All of them would stay behind us a bit, Sam taking my camera from me to enjoy ourselves. We went into one of the showrooms and watched a video on modern black history. We moved into a different show room where they had three giant screens in a dark room that play sea noises.

However, things picked up in an exhibit called the 'Tilted Plane'. The point of the exhibit was that it was a dark room with lights hung up cascading down at an angle so that it seemed the room was tilted. It did feel that way as our eye adjusted to the dark. I walked in side by side with y/n, enjoying the trippiness.

"Oh shit." I hear y/n whisper as she grabs hold of my arm. I reach out to her, holding her up slightly.

"You alright, love?" I ask. She nods rapidly, a chuckle emitting from her lips.

"Yeah, I just got really tripped out right now and almost fell." she says. I laugh lightly as she lets go of my arm. We move throughout the room and I take notice of how the lighting makes her just so much more intriguing.

We walk around the room for a while longer and enjoy the atmosphere. After 10 minutes, though, we notice we're the only ones in the room. Everybody left and she begins to take notice too.

"We should probably head back. They must be wondering where we're at." She says.

"Yeah, probably." I say. She leads the way, being careful as we walk out. We notice the big group hanging out near the elevators. We walk up to them and I see y/n frown.

"Looks like this is the end." she says lightly. She seems disappointed that our time is up.

"You've been on all the floors?" I ask. She frowns as she nods. I sigh as I begin to muster up some courage.

"Before you go, can I ask for your social media?" I ask nervously. She chuckles nodding. Within a matter of seconds, she pulls out a pen and a random receipt and begins to write down her Twitter, Instagram, and Snapchat handles. She hands me the paper with a smile on her face.

"It was nice meeting you Harry. And if you're still here later today, I may or may not be at Fisherman's Wharf later today around 4." she says. I nod and wave her off as she walks away with her friends.

"My man!" Tom says excitedly. I chuckle as I put the paper in my wallet to keep it secure.

"Damn Harry got game!" Haz says. I shrug.

"She was perfect." I say.

Later that day, I looked through my camera, noticing Sam took pictures of me and y/n. A lot of them were from behind as we talk about an art piece. Some were from in front as we looked down at something, probably reading a piece's description. However the best ones were silhouette pictures in the 'Tilted Plane exhibit. All of those ranged from us standing side by side as we walk further in, some were of me holding y/n up, others from us looking at each other talking.

"Ready to go to Fisherman's Wharf?" Tom asks. I look up at him with wide eyes and a shocked smile.

"We're going for sure?" I ask. He nods with a wide smile.

"Yeah, let's go you twat. You have people to meet."

[frighthouseofalighthouse]

I know it's a lot! But all of the 65 questions you aren't used to!! I love getting to know the blogs I follow!

Okay love! The last one was a freebie so I guess I’ll just leave that one out haha.

1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you?

Na, usually it’s the opposite for me. I don’t feel important enough to be real.

2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you?

Maybe a 3? I don’t mind the dark as long as my imagination isn’t getting the best of me, which it usually is. I always have my little touch-activated lamp in my room left on at the dimmest setting at night.

3. The person you would never want to meet?

Donald Trump.

4. What is your favorite word?

Drumonios. It’s an Ancient Greek epithet of Artemis, and it means “haunting the woods.” (hey, no one said English word)

5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be?

*in Monty Python voice* THE LARCH

No, but in all seriousness, I’d be a willow. So gentle and comforting, like the tree leaning over to hug you and give you shade.

6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought?

Yikes.

7. What shirt are you wearing?

A black shirt with images of moon phases that says “to the moon and back”

8. What do you label yourself as?

Is this a gender/sexual identity question??? Cuz if not I could label myself as anything. But genderwise I’m a cis female and orientation-wise I’m lesbian, biromantic, possibly somewhere on the ace spectrum?

9. Bright room or dark room?

Dark room. Or mostly dark. Dim with a yellowish lamp because I hate white lights.

10. What were you doing at midnight last night?

Talking to my gf on the phone.

11. Favorite age you’ve been so far?

tbh this year, 19. My anxiety’s been better than it ever was. I haven’t been actively suicidal at all this year. I’m just in a better place all around.

12. Who told you they loved you last?

Probably my mom?

13. Your worst enemy?

Myself

14. What is your current desktop picture?

15. Do you like someone?

Romantically? My girlfriend. In general? Everyone who hasn’t crossed me.

16. The last song you listened to?

Right now I’m listening to LA Devotee by Panic! At The Disco :)

17. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up?

Donald Trump, while he’s in a cabinet meeting so it blows up everyone else there too

18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face?

Donald Trump or my ex

19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do?

I don’t really want a slave? Kinda against the whole idea? But ig Thomas Jefferson bc he needs to know what it feels like (Hamilton pettiness coming out oops)

20. What is your best physical attribute? (showing said attribute is optional)

My eyes! Idk if I have a picture that shows them really well? But you can check my selfies tag. They’re deep hazel green with gold flecks.

21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do?

I would look like historical Alexander Hamilton and I would hang out in history museums freaking people out.

22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it?

Wouldn’t be a secret if I told you. ;) But seriously, I’m not very private about my talents because I’m proud of them. I write, read, make up codes, solve puzzles, sing, do calligraphy. Sometimes my eyeshadow looks decent.

23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of?

Most of the unique things are PTSD triggers. The rest of my fears are just normal.

24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal.

Grilled mac and cheese sandwich.

25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it?

Put it towards saving up for a Switch so I can get the new Pokemon game when it comes out this fall.

26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go?

The British Isles, where I will do historical tours and live in the Highlands for a year.

27. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. “Be brand-specific” it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? Even if you don’t drink booze there’s something you can figure out… so what’s it gonna be?

I don’t drink, I’m pretty against it in part because my uncle’s a recovering alcoholic, but I’d say strawberry daquiris? Idk brands, man.

28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place?

Socialism and if you’re gonna mess up the process and turn it into communism then you’re off the island.

29. What is your favorite expletive?

Fuckweasel. Thanks, Raven Cycle.

30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno?

My phone I guess?

31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

Nothing. As much as I hate what I’ve been through (assault by my ex, manipulation by my dad) it’s taught me so much strength and made me who I am. I know red flags. I came out of my shell. I know how to say no, how to cut out toxic family.

32. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world!

Scotland.

33. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back?

FDR. We have a polio vaccine and he was my favorite president.

34. What was your last dream about?

I was doing a crossword puzzle but, like, it never ended. And the clues kept changing every time I started to write the answer. It sucked.

35. Are you a good….[insert anything you’d like here]?

Nothing was inserted haha so yes. I am a good.

36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital?

Twice. Once as a baby for my open heart surgery, and once when I was 4 for severe dehydration from the flu.

37. Have you ever built a snowman?

Yes but it’s been like 13 years.

38. What is the color of your socks?

Light blue and white stripes.

39. What type of music do you like?

Pop, rock, folk, Celtic, classical, old country, like, Woodie Guthrie, and some new country like Kelsea Ballerini.

40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets?

SUNSETS

41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor?

Cherry!

42. What football team do you support? (I will answer in terms of American football as well as soccer)

Um, I guess the OSU Buckeyes cuz that’s where I live and I hate pro football.

43. Do you have any scars?

I have a huge scar down my chest from my heart surgery, a few self harm scars left, and quite a few from old cat scratches. Also my left knee is covered with scars from being a clumsy child. And I have small birthmarks which correlate to past life injuries which is fun

44. What do you want to be when you graduate?

A librarian/history or English teacher

45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

My weight.

46. Are you reliable?

Sometimes I flake on plans bc of mental illness, but yes. I am a strong shoulder to lean on, and I will always be there for you.

47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be?

Am I trying for the right things?

48. Do you hold grudges?

Not consciously. But there are certain things I haven’t been able to forgive just yet.

49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create?

Sloth dragon. Sloth with little back scales and wings who flies very slowly and breathes fire when threatened.

50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had?

My mom and I have the funniest conversations. I couldn’t pick one. Every day between us is just hysterical.

51. Are you a good liar?

Yes. But I don’t lie anymore except when I have to.

52. How long could you go without talking?

Probably forever as long as I could write or text.

53. What has been you worst haircut/style?

When I was 9 I decided to get a shoulder length bob. My hair did not approve. Constant white-fro. I don’t have a picture of it full glory, but this is after having it styled, at age 11, as flat as it would go.

54. Have you ever baked your own cake?

Noooo I suck at baking. I’ve made cookies though.

55. Can you do any accents other than your own?

British, I guess? I do a good Hermione.

56. What do you like on your toast?

Butter lmao I’m classic

57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of?

Uhhh I sketched a flower on my church bulletin last week? Nothing fancy. I don’t draw.

58. What would be you dream car?

‘67 Impala baby.

59. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain.

I, uh give political speeches to the showerhead? It’s the Hamilton mood.

60. Do you believe in aliens?

I definitely believe we can’t live in a universe infinitely big all by ourselves.

61. Do you often read your horoscope?

I don’t read my actual horoscope, but I look at those zodiac posts a lot, and I know my full birth chart.

62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet?

A and S.

63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons?

Both. Dinsoaurs could have been dragons, we don’t know.

64. What do you think about babies?

They’re okay til they cry or poop or throw up lmao.

Thanks bb!

[captnbarnesrogers]

When Dodger Begins To Love

Pairing/Characters: Chris Evans x Reader, Dodger the Doggooooooo Warnings: swearing, this is just fluff basically Summary: The times where Dodger became close to you and the time Chris realised he loved you.   Word Count: 2.2k+ A/N: I thought this was a cute idea but I don’t think I delivered it very well! I woke up from sleeping bc I dreamt the ending lmao! Happy 1 Year to this blog and to me reaching 2.5k! Wooooo! Thank you everyoneeeee <3

You’d met many times before and you would consider him a friend, you and Chris. No conversation was ever dry or boring, everything felt so comfortable. Every time you would talk, the exchange would end in laughs. You’d met through mutual friends like Sebastian and events like parties. Of course, every time, you were seeing someone and so was he.

When you had landed the role of a new movie starring yourself and your dear friend, Chris, you were more than psyched to actually get to know him better. While on set, you had learned a lot of what he loved. For example, he loved to play piano (although he believed he was terrible, in which you would always argue with him that he was amazing), his love for the New England Patriots was endless but it would never succeed his love for his dog, Dodger. Dodger, the lover of other dogs and his little stuffed lion, had Chris wrapped around his paw.

Chris finally came around to inviting you to dinner at his house after months and long hours of shooting scenes. As soon as you entered the house, you were jumped by the not so little puppy as Chris had described. You didn’t complain, you just laughed and returned the love to Dodger, accepting the licks on your face.

“Oh, hello there.” You laughed,

“C’mon, little guy, get down!” You patted the dog’s head and he jumped down from you, pouncing around you in excitement,

“He’s a lot bigger than I expected! You described him much smaller.” Dodger trailed behind you as you entered the kitchen and helping Chris with dinner.

It wasn’t too long after when Chris found out you had adopted a dog too. You were moving into your new house, so much closer to your job and you didn’t have to fly out and rent a place every time you had a new show or a new movie in Los Angeles. The weather was better too and your newly added best friend, Missy, a Jack Russell Terrier, loved the heat and the days where she could play in the park. Chris helped you move into your new place, not too far from his own, Dodger by his side and Missy right by yours.

“What made you move from NYC?” Chris asks while grabbing a box from the moving van, he had suggested that you get someone else to do all the moving in for you, but you were the type of person who liked to do things for yourself, so you could have the satisfaction of saying that you did it,

“You know, filming and shit is so much closer and easier to get to, I don’t have to waste money on plane tickets and plus, the weather is great here.”

“Yeah, I get it.” He smiled at you as you both took boxes into the house, “Well, I’m glad you moved out here, so I can see you a lot more.” You nodded and placed those last two boxes on the floor, “You think we can take a break?” You almost zoned out completely when he wiped the sweat from his forehead, making you bite your lip,

“Uh, what?”

“You wanna grab some sandwiches or something?” You shook yourself back into concentration,

“Yeah, yeah, I could really use one.” You both walk out into the garden to find Dodger nudging his head into his toy, offering his stuffed lion to your Missy, “Fast friends, aren’t they?”

It was seven long months before you could see Missy again and Chris too. Filiming had taken over your life and you had no time to talk to your friends and family or even post on social media. You were extremely tired. So, when you arrived home after those seven months, you crawled into bed and didn’t leave its warmth for another two days, snuggled up with your trusty Missy. Unbeknownst to you, you were beginning to get sick, only noticing when the worst had come; a blocked yet runny nose, a chest infection, and a pounding headache. You groaned as you heard the knocks at the door cursing at whoever was disturbing you. Nevertheless, you fixed your hair and tied your robe over your pyjamas and opened the door. On your doormat stood the six-foot-something, broad shouldered Chris. You whinged at the sight of the sun.

“Didn’t you get my texts? You look sick.” Chris says, concern surround the tone of his voice,

“I, uh, didn’t charge my phone when I got home.”

“Y/N… That was three days ago, you haven’t gotten out of bed since?” You shook your head and motioned him into your house, Dodger following behind him,

“I had a shower last night but that’s it.” You plopped yourself onto the sofa and sighed, “My nose and my head are killing me, everything is killing me.” Dodger whines and places his head on your knee, looking at you with worried eyes,

“He can feel you’re unwell, he’s worried.”

“I’m alright, boy, I’ll be okay.” You said with awe, stroking the fur on his head. As you bring your focus on Dodger, Chris is carrying Missy and scratching her ear while looking at you. He smiles while stares at you, not knowing why. He shakes himself back in the room and places Missy next to you,

“Hungry?” You nod. He makes his way to your kitchen and begins the preparation to make you some soup. Moments later, he makes his way over to the sofa where you lay and places the bowl on the table. As he turns his attention to you, he notices the soft snores coming from you, Dodger, who was sprawled on your legs, and Missy, who was resting on your chest, your arms cradling her. He laughs and strokes your hair back from your face, your eyes flickering open at the sight of his face, “Good morning, sleepy head.”

“Hi.”

“I made you something to eat.” You pat Dodger on the head and sit up, he hands you the bowl and you thank him. He turns on the TV, sitting beside you with Dodger snuggled on your side and Missy snoring on Chris’ lap. You both hadn’t paid attention to the TV, busily chatting about work and how much you both miss your family. It wasn’t long until silence covered your mouths, quiet snores filled the room, the sound of infomercials drowning out in the background; both of you unknowingly snuggled together on the chaise of the sofa, your head resting on Chris’ chest and his chin resting on your head.

You both woke up in the morning as if sleeping snuggled against each other was a reoccurring thing for you to do. He smiled at you, a groggy ‘good morning’ coming from his lips. Suddenly, he sneezes,

“Shit, I’m sorry!” You laugh.

Dodger and Missy circled you and Chris as you both sat on the sand, waiting for the sun to set. Chris had just told you that after the night you had spent together a few months before, Dodger began to get whiney when you weren’t around, that he really loved you, probably more than Chris himself.

“So, Y/N, what are you doing next week?” Chris asked, his hand digging into the sand,

“Nothing, why?”

“It’s my birthday on Tuesday and I’m going home to celebrate with my family, do you wanna, you know, come?” Your family affairs weren’t exactly your cup of tea. The constant nagging to get married and have kids as if you were made for that sole purpose only, made you groan in frustration, as you were, as you yourself fully knew, were so much more than that. But if you were invited to someone else’s family affair, especially a birthday, it wouldn’t be so bad. You nodded and thanked him. Suddenly, you felt a head of hair nudge your arm and lift its head with a stick in its mouth. You stroked Dodger’s fur and laughed,

“Yes, of course, I’ll play with you.”

Tuesday came around like a race car. You were packed and dressed, ready to be picked up and taken to Massachusetts. Knocks were heard coming from your front door. You took a little jog from your room to the door, opening it to Chris embracing you.

“Happy Birthday, handsome!” You cheered, reaching around to hug him back,

“Thank you.”

“Let’s go?” You called out to your friend who came running in with Dodger and Missy, “Behave, you two.” You joked to the two pups before thanking your friend for dog sitting,

“They’re tied to the tails.” Chris laughed, making you agree.

After the flight from LA to Boston, you were greeted at the gate by Chris’ mom and one of his sisters. He gave them a hug and introduced you, his hand placed lightly on the small of your back, gently nudging you in a supportive manner.

“This is my friend, Y/N Y//L/N.” He says, smiling,

“Ah, finally, we’ve seen you in the movie and Christopher, here, is always talking about how amazing you are,” His mom explains, “I’m Lisa.” She gave you a hug,

“I’m Carly.” Carly’s hug following right after. In that moment you knew where Chris got his embracive side, making you smile. You and Chris walk to the car, your bags slung over your shoulders and Chris’ hand still on the small of your back,

“You talked about me?” You asked quietly,

“Was I n-not-”

“No, no, it’s cool, it’s cute.” Your cheeks flushed crimson and you smiled up at him, the space closing between the both of you but was interrupted by the sound of Carly’s voice telling you that the trunk of the car was open for your bags, making you walk away from an almost eventful moment. You had a wonderful time chatting with Carly and Lisa in the car on the way back to their house, laughter and gasps of baby stories of Chris filled the vehicle. You complimented the house and thanked Lisa for letting you stay with her family. Chris went up to his room and Carly showed you your bedroom, thanking her straight after,

“Everyone should be arriving soon, just a warning, we’re all really loud.” You laughed and shook your head,

“I love loud.”

“Then you’ll fit right in.” And Carly was just right, the entire night you were a perfect fit with Chris’ family and friends. Everyone loved you and spent the night surrounding you, telling you stories about Chris in his younger years.

Chris couldn’t stop staring at you and how beautiful you looked, how you easily got along with every single person in the room. He was amazed, in awe at how you captured everyone without even trying. He looks at you longingly, not being able to help it at this point. Everyone was truly in awe of you. God, even his dog loved you. By the end of the night, everyone and their mothers had told Chris how lucky he was to have you and what a keeper you were. He knew that in himself. He knew because he was in love with you.

He couldn’t sleep that night and neither could you. The rain was pouring cats and dogs and the thunder crashed boomingly, startling you every time it made an appearance. Suddenly, your phone vibrates indicating you had a text.

With that, you hear a knock on the door of the bedroom. You push the covers off of you and open it. Chris stands in his white shirt and shorts and you in your old college shirt, a couple of sizes too big for you, and some sleeping shorts. He takes your hand and leads you to the Queen-sized bed. You snuggle close to him as he rubs your back, his chin resting on your head.

“Thank you.” You whispered, gripping his shirt as another crash of thunder came,

“It’s okay.” You feel warm and safe in his arms,

“Your heart,” you begin, “it’s beating really fast.”

“Sorry.”

“No,” you laugh, “I don’t mind, it’s helping me focus, actually.”

“Oh?”

“That sounded less creepy in my head.” You both burst into laughter but quiet yourselves as quickly as you started, “You have a lovely family.” You look up at him,

“Thank you, they all love you, seriously, I’ll never hear the end of it if I let you go.”

“Then don’t.” Silence fills the room. As he holds you, he feels you relax even more,

“Y/N?” He whispers,

“Yeah?” He looks at the way the moonlight shines on your face perfectly,

“I really want to kiss you.”

“Okay.” His hand then cups your cheek and pulls you close, closing the already small gap between the both of you, crashing his lips onto yours. As your mouths move against each other, your hand moves to grip the hand on your cheek, his kiss deepening. When you both get the chance to pull away, something you didn’t really want to do, you were breathless,

“I’ve been wanting to do that since you got sick.”

“Ew, what?” You laughed,

“Oh, god, no, I meant the day you got sick, I saw how you were with Dodger and I just- I saw how we could be together and I just loved you.” Your eyes grow wide,

“Woah.”

“Shit, no, wait, I-”

“I love you too.” He stops his rambling and pecks your lips,

“Thank, God.” Before you knew it, the birds had began chirping and the sunrise was peeking in through the window, you both looked at each other, “Let’s sleep now?” You laughed and nodded,

“Okay.”

MASTERLIST

PERMANENT TAGLIST: @winchester-negan-one-shots @stevette60 @marvelous-fvcks @marvel-fanfiction @potterhead1265 @zoejohnson8 @frickin-bats @iamwarrenspeace @kenmen02 @captianwintersoldier @noelia8villa @bucky-bear-barnes @hollycornish @capsheadquaters @duncedgoofball @abouttimefortea@buchananbarnestrash @minervaem @barnes-heaven @buckyywiththegoodhair @mellifluous-melodramas @heartmade-writingbucky @hellomissmabel @justanotherbuckydevotee @alphaabucky @firebendergirl33 @naenae87 @sunnyfortomorrow @aya-fay @terraling @topthis808@savebxrnes @lediskogirl @mizzzpink @janellexox0 @potterhead1265 @lara-ludbey @bread-poet-society

STEVE ROGERS/CHRIS EVANS TAGS: @always-an-evans-addict @kennadance14

[shadowburner76]

DO THEM QUESTIONS TOO BBY, A L L. O F. T H E M. /ineedtoknowmoarabtsenpaihuehuehqodbaosk/ ( ˘▽˘)teheh--

1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you?Not really.2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you?Four tbh. I don't really like the dark too much?? It isn't 100% afraid of the dark, more of what's within it and watching me, you know?3. The person you would never want to meet?Donald Trump. I'd probably end up beating the shit out of him.4. What is your favorite word?Fuck5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be?A weeping willow! I rlly love them and they're so pretty 6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought?"Oh god"7. What shirt are you wearing?My 'Gaming Peridot' shirt! Hella comfy 8. What do you label yourself as?A Raging Bisexual9. Bright room or dark room?Dark bc nap time10. What were you doing at midnight last night?Tryin to help a fren out11. Favorite age you’ve been so far?Like,, five? I was livin on a farm w/ goats and a cow who thought he was a goat. I also rlly like my age now bc my birbs, cats and pupper12. Who told you they loved you last?My dad. It was kinda awkward 13. Your worst enemy?My mom's boyfriend. He's a dick.14. What is your current desktop picture?I think my last desktop picture on my sisters computer was Zenyetta from OW15. Do you like someone?Possibly 16. The last song you listened to?Wait For It from Hamilton 17. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up?Probably myself 18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face?My mom and my mom's boyfriend 19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do?Probably Ohmwrecker?? I'd force him to play video games with me20. What is your best physical attribute? (showing said attribute is optional)My thighs,, thicc af 21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do?I'd be taller, have a lil bit of muscle and if wank it22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it?Falling asleep in the most uncomfortable places 23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of?Basements. Don't like em,, never will. I used to be rlly fuckin afraid of mirrors too?? I'd scream and start crying whenever I saw one24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal.Steak and cheese, pepper, onion, spinach and ranch 25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it?Bird clipping, some snack, lighter fluid and so on26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go?F r a n c e27. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. “Be brand-specific” it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? Even if you don’t drink booze there’s something you can figure out… so what’s it gonna be?Captain Morgan 28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place? Weed is legal and you can't do shit about it29. What is your favorite expletive?Fuck30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno?Probably my Eevee??31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?Abuse.32. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world!Japan, France or Greece33. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back?My cat. Junebug34. What was your last dream about?Tbh I don't know?? I think it was one where I had a twin sister and bad things happened and it ended up with my head bashed into a water fountain and my eye missing.35. Are you a good….[insert anything you’d like here]?Are you a good person to animals?36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital?Yup. All throughout my life. Got sick a lot as a kid and later in life a ton of shit happened and wowow a lot of hospital visits 37. Have you ever built a snowman?Every year38. What is the color of your socks?I don't have any on, but I love my funky socks. They have wild designs and I like to mismatch them39. What type of music do you like?Anything and everything40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets?Sunsets41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor?Peanut butter and banana 42. What football team do you support? (I will answer in terms of American football as well as soccer)Cincinnati Bengals for American football, but I don't rlly know any soccer teams qrivnb never found interest in the sport43. Do you have any scars?Yup. One on my chin, my knees and elbows, forearm, stomach, forearm and abdomen area44. What do you want to be when you graduate?Zookeeper45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?Weight46. Are you reliable?I mean, kinda?? Like I am at times, but then other times I suck complete ass47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be?Have you completed your life goals?48. Do you hold grudges?Yes. I hold them very easily and for years at a time49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create?An owl and a wolf 50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had?I accidentally sent a friend a weird picture of my face and I screamed for them to delete their messages and to not look then I sent a crying picture with "hnnng" across the bottom.51. Are you a good liar?Yes52. How long could you go without talking?Like,, three days to never replying ever 53. What has been you worst haircut/style?I cut my hair to ears length and I justSweet child why,, multiple people called me young man too54. Have you ever baked your own cake?Yes55. Can you do any accents other than your own?Yea I pick up on accents vvv easilyI was talking to my sister and slipped into what people would call a "Boston accent" and my sister was like "dude wtf you went all Boston on us,, u doin okay?"56. What do you like on your toast?Butter and jelly 57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of?A mask for my oc?58. What would be you dream car?Jeep59. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain.I sing and sit instead of standing60. Do you believe in aliens?Yes 61. Do you often read your horoscope?Nah62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet?J or W63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons?Why can't it be both???64. What do you think about babies?Please don't put them in my arms,, I don't wanna drop em65. Freebie! Ask anything interesting you can think of.Penis

[trashiecat]

this is a 65 question ask meme and im the bitch that’s filling it all out at once to waste time

1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you? oh yeah definitely, but it’s usually the other way around where everyone else is real and i am not

2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you? idk like a 2.5 i guess

3. The person you would never want to meet? i mean. i don’t know ??? how can i know who i don’t want to meet until i have met them and decided they’re the worst

4. What is your favorite word? akimbo

5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be? i would WANT to be a weeping willow, but in all honesty i’d probably be a birch or some type of maple

6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought? i honestly cannot recall

7. What shirt are you wearing? a grey pajama shirt

8. What do you label yourself as? the skeleton god

9. Bright room or dark room? i mean if we’re talking the absolute brightest room vs the absolute darkest, i suppose i would pick brightest.

10. What were you doing at midnight last night? for once i was actually asleep

11. Favorite age you’ve been so far? god probably like 8 years old was good

12. Who told you they loved you last? my dad

13. Your worst enemy? it me

14. What is your current desktop picture? it’s a landscape in the style of like miyazaki movie backgrounds

15. Do you like someone? romantically ? no

16. The last song you listened to? poison vine - noah gundersen

17. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up? just like physically destroy one person ???? idk man. like the consequences of this would probably be too far reaching for me to even fathom. do i get caught ?? does it spark paranoia worldwide ? a string of copy-cat murders ? could i live with myself knowing i killed a human being ?

18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face? nazis

19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do? idk like. the idea of a slave that has to do stuff for me for a day is kind of wild. if i can like, make a billionaire my slave and then force them to redistribute their wealth then i’d do that

20. What is your best physical attribute? (showing said attribute is optional) my bones !! i can’t show them to you though, not yet

21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do? i guess the opposite of nonbinary is SUPER binary so i’d be like half man half woman and i’d look exactly like a halloween costume

22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it? no, all of my talents are pretty out in the open

23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of? one unique thing ??? i don’t think anyone really has unique fears. if you dig deep enough they all sort of boil down to the same few things in the end. i guess the most strange fear i have is that spiders will be in my slippers, and so i do not own or wear slippers.

24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal. oh shit ok. idk all the ingredients but one time i ate a vegetarian bahn mi in chicago and it was like the most heavenly sandwich i’ve ever had. i want that again. endlessly.

25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it? honestly at this very moment in time i would buy groceries, and also maybe a pad of watercolor paper

26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go? oof, leave immediately ??? that limits my choices bc i don’t have a passport. i guess i’d go to like. god idk oregon ? colorado ??? the pacific northwest somewhere.

27. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. “Be brand-specific” it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? Even if you don’t drink booze there’s something you can figure out… so what’s it gonna be? wait what am i supposed to figure out if i don’t drink booze ??? like if my plan was to sell it, i’d have to get a liquor license, and that’s a can of worms i don’t care to open. i think i would ask the angel if instead i can get a lifetime supply of, like, that good bahn mi sandwich i was talking about a few questions up.

28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place? no nerds allowed

29. What is your favorite expletive? i’m pretty partial to fuck, but honesly yikes is what i say most often even though that’s not a swear word. petition to make yikes a swear word.

30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno? hey so one time there was actually the threat of a fire in my house and despite all these questions no one does anything like that. i put on my shoes, grabbed my phone, sunglasses and water bottle because they were all immediately available as i was exiting the house. so as much as i’d love to grab my box of treasures and keepsakes, i absolutely would not and i know this about myself now.

31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be? yikes. i can see the appeal of this for a lot of people, but for myself it’s just uhhh not feasible. i’d always wonder what i erased, and at some point i would uncover the truth. i wouldn’t like to live with that kind of mystery going on.

32. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world! oh thank god. i’m moving to a colder climate with universal healthcare.

33. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back? okay i would strike a deal here and let’s say i can bring back two pets instead of one person and in this case i would bring back rusty (family golden retriever), and also kohji (brother’s shepherd mix). i’d like to say i’d bring back my cat, but i have two cats now and i know my brother would really like his dog back.

34. What was your last dream about? i don’t really remember, tbh. i’ve been having a lot of weird dreams tho

35. Are you a good….[insert anything you’d like here]? yes i am a VERY good [something]

36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital? yes ! it was terrifying and i’d never like to do it again thanks

37. Have you ever built a snowman? no, somehow this was never presented to me as an option any time i’ve been around snow

38. What is the color of your socks? buddy i’ve not worn socks in months. but also generally they are striped with various colors.

39. What type of music do you like? gay stuff

40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets? sunrises

41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor? chocolate

42. What football team do you support? oh i sure don’t

43. Do you have any scars? yes, many

44. What do you want to be when you graduate? considering that i am no longer in school, the answer is that i want to do whatever i feel like doing at any given moment

45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? i suppose i’d cure my mental illness (which i’m working on, so, this will happen)

46. Are you reliable? oh, no. no thanks. i absolutely am but i hate feeling obligated so i always choose to not put myself in situations where someone needs to rely on me for anything

47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be? i guess i’d ask if they’re happy

48. Do you hold grudges? i mean. i don’t forget things ........ but i am capable of forgiving people

49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create? nope ! i’ve seen movies, i know what horror that can cause

50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had? one time my sister and i were talking to our aunt, and we could not for the life of us figure out if she was trying to GIVE or SELL us some rabbit fur coats she had ......... it’s been over a decade and we still do not know which it was

51. Are you a good liar? yes

52. How long could you go without talking? several million years

53. What has been you worst haircut/style? sorry my hair is indestructible and because of the natural texture it looks great no matter what. i’m blessed and i know it.

54. Have you ever baked your own cake? what kind of person doesn’t bake their own cake ????? rich people i guess

55. Can you do any accents other than your own? yes ! but not very well

56. What do you like on your toast? butter, and occasionally cinnamon sugar

57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of? some cool clouds

58. What would be you dream car? a honda prelude with the pop-up lights

59. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain. i do sing in the shower sometimes, but not loudly

60. Do you believe in aliens? absolutely

61. Do you often read your horoscope? almost every day, but i do my full birth-chart horoscope so that it’s accurate, and not like horoscopes from the newspaper

62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet? n

63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons? i mean are they not the same thing. tell me a dinosaur and a dragon are not basically the same things.

64. What do you think about babies? yeah they’re alright. i never want to be in charge of one but i’m alright with them

65. Freebie! Ask anything interesting you can think of. i guess the most interesting thing i can think to ask myself is which tarot decks i have, and i will tell you. i have the prisma visions tarot (which is amazing), and also the shadowscapes deck (beautiful!), and also a deck of runes that i made myself with a sharpie on a pack of pepsi branded playing cards

[myloveholtzy]

Yes really! You're not trash and to answer the why, it's because I want to get to know you more but if that's uncomfortable for you then you don't have to

Wow! Okay, I’ll do it bc I refuse to get out of bed, so this is a good excuse

1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you?Sometimes when I question my own existence

2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you?3 ½? Depends on where I am

6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought?“Your hair gross…very gross.”

7. What shirt are you wearing?Power to the girls sweater I bought bc I saw Supergirl wear it (im trash)

8. What do you label yourself as?Tired asian lesbian trying to move forward

9. Bright room or dark room?Dark room

10. What were you doing at midnight last night?Watching the Great British Bake Off

11. Favorite age you’ve been so far?Idk this one? 17?

12. Who told you they loved you last?Best friend of 11 years :)

13. Your worst enemy?Idk like I guess I’m my worst enemy but that’s too real so I’ll say theatre kids at my school

14. What is your current desktop picture?I have 4, Kate McKinnon, SNL cast, Parks & Rec cast, and 30 Rock cast (im trash)

15. Do you like someone?No, no point in getting into a relationship when I’m getting ready to move

16. The last song you listened to?Q.U.E.E.N. by Janelle Monae

17. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up?Angry Orange.

18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face?Angry Orange.

19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do?Wtf weird question. Um I guess Angry Orange? I’d only make him like stop fucking the country and donate his money.

20. What is your best physical attribute? (showing said attribute is optional)My long legs lol

21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do?Idk I’d probably just look the same and I’d go out and see if people treat me differently

22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it?Not really? I mean most people don’t know that I can draw

23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of?Like unique thing about me? Idk I feel like I’m always trying to hide something about me.

24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal.Turkey, swiss cheese, spinach, cucumber, and light mayo. Yup, that’s basically my subway order.

25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it?I should save it, but I’m probably not going to. Um clothes/food I guess

26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go?NYC, it’s basically home

27. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. “Be brand-specific” it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? Even if you don’t drink booze there’s something you can figure out… so what’s it gonna be???? I don’t drink, but I’ll just pick some random brand of beer that my friends like. They can have my lifetime supply

28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place? No homophobia

29. What is your favorite expletive?“Fuck”

30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno?LAPTOP.

31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?I guess all of 8th grade lol

32. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world!I guess England?

33. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back?Um is it weird to say Carrie Fisher? I don’t have a family member/friend that has died, but Carrie Fisher did a lot of good. It would be amazing if she came back and continued to bring people joy

36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital?Yup, car crash last summer. Had to go to the ER

37. Have you ever built a snowman?NO. There’s no snow here I hate it

38. What is the color of your socks?Light blue

39. What type of music do you like?Musial theatre, movie soundtracks, and I guess pop? My music taste is trash

40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets?Sunsets

41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor?CHOCOLATE

42. What football team do you support? (I will answer in terms of American football as well as soccer)I don’t follow sports

43. Do you have any scars?Ya, a lot on my thighs, but they’re fading!

44. What do you want to be when you graduate?Graphic designer

45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?Wish I didn’t hold so many grudges…

46. Are you reliable?Yea definitely

47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be?Do you have a stable job?

48. Do you hold grudges?YES it’s kinda bad, I hold too many grudges

49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create?Horse and a bird, I want a pegasus

51. Are you a good liar?I think I am

52. How long could you go without talking?Probably pretty long. Few days?

53. What has been you worst haircut/style?This one maybe lol idk people are telling me it looks good but I don’t like it anymore

54. Have you ever baked your own cake?Yup yup, made a cheesecake a few days ago

56. What do you like on your toast?Nutella!!

57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of?Toriel from Undertale lol

58. What would be you dream car?Uhh idk I’ll just say convertible

60. Do you believe in aliens?Yup yup

61. Do you often read your horoscope?Nope, I don’t really remember to

62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet?X

63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons?DRAGONS

64. What do you think about babies?Um sometimes cute? Please don’t ask me to take care of them

[shushthisaintmytumbla]

6/8/2021 Life Update!!!

Omg I cannot believe it has been 8 freaking months since the last time i wrote here. SO MUCH has changed its insane. JK not really, but the good news is covid is basically over!!!!!!! I got a vaccine back in March and so did my fam so I have been livvinnnn way more than the last time we spoke. I almost teared up reading back on the last life update to see strong I was at that time and how much I’ve been able to hold onto those values of self worth and confidence to this day. As much as 2020 SUCKED... so much personal growth came from it that I truly don't know if I would've had if it weren't for life slowing down, working from home, and being able to really focus on myself. 

I guess to reflect on some of the past 8 months... that boy i mentioned i was talking to but wasn't sure about hmm idk how to explain it but I definitely never felt a spark.. we hung quite a few times, but everything felt very structured and I don't know if it was because of the state of the world or if I just wasn't really into it. But I must say im really grateful to have met him and I still talk to him every now and then to this day. I think he's a really sweet human and someone I want in my life as a friend. He moved to NYC so who knows maybe ill see him over there ;)

Since were on the boy update, I’ve recently went on a couple dates with 2 different guys both super sweet but idk im not seeking something and its definitely difficult to try to date while still living in OP. I hate keeping secrets, but I HATE the idea of telling my parents about a date lol 

Work has pretty much remained the same buuuut about a month after my last post i really stuck to my gun about wanting something new and exciting and I got a job as an assistant to an influencer. It has been a really fun experience getting to learn more about the business side of things and I can definitely see my career shifting in that direction if I want out of the music biz. My boss boss recently just left the company so things are starting to pick up more with work which could affect this influencer role. Im just gonna let my real job play out and see where things go. We were told a return to office date in Sept. which I am very very scared about. I DO NOT want to go back to an office. As much as I love socializing, I LOVE the flexibility and freedom of WFH. It is definitely a HUGE reason why I have been able to stay so fit the past year and a half. I’m really scared about going back to a 9-5 office life and lose this motivation I have rn for fitness. 

As far as the future, I am SO confused on where I am headed which is really scary but I guess exciting too. I have not given up my hopes of moving to NYC. It is literally all I think about most days. I know my parents would be super bummed for me to move away, but at this point i have no desire to be back in LA. I would have no one I really care to live with here since everyone else kind of is moving out with others or have different plans. I really just think I need change after a year of so much stillness. I crave a new city, making new friends, and making a new version of myself or I guess just building off of this new found appreciation I have for my self. Moving across the country sounds very scary to me, but I know I need to do it. Im dead set on the idea. I just need to find a job and a place to live there lol. I do have some leads on roommates (Molly and then maybe this girl I met from Molly in Prague). The issue with it is i don't think they'd move till Feb 2022, which seems like FOREVER AWAY.

Living at home makes me feel like my life is on pause. I don't feel like I can grow or become my own person while under my parents roof. Also, since the last time we’ve chatted here, a lot of family dynamic has changed. Im not gonna spill the tea here bc its really deep and personal and thats a lot for saying on a platform where im fine writing EVEERYTHING. Its just something i can't come to terms with opening up about to anyone, but lets just say I need distance and to create my own future. 

As far as life, I have been able to travel a lot more in the past few months. In the beginning of May I spent 2 weeks in Hawaii with Mckay, her friend Mara, Cassidy, and Mara’s friend Daron. It was SO fun. The most fun I’ve had in a while. It was my first time on a plane in so long and it felt soooo good to be away. I also have travelled to Phoenix/Scottsdale AZ a couple times with Fiona and that was so fun. I am weirdly obsessed with AZ now I could also see myself living there if it weren't so damn hot and if i knew some more people. Traveling again fills me with so much joy. I have some other fun trips coming up like Glacier National park with my family, another trip to AZ (lol told you im obsessed) for my birthday weekend, and I even purchased CONCERT TICKETS for Kygo in sept. wow I can't wait for my first concert back. oh wait i also have Harry in AUGUST fuck ya life is getting good again.

I’m really not sure what the new few months holds for me with work, friends, relationships, where I will end up, etc. which really scares me and I don't know why. I usually like having things figured out and a game plan and I legit have none. If you ask me now my hope is to get out by late aug/sept. I have some plans through then, so after that I really want to dig into my escape to NYC. Covid kinda fucked up life threw me around and is now spitting me back into a place where i don't know where to go or when to make the next move. I feel at a weird place with my friendships. Obviously I love my friends, but everyone is kinda starting to do their own thing, focus on themselves, and go on their own necessary path, and that is why I am so motivated to make my own. I have been manifesting a move to New York for almost a year now lol so CASE the next time we meet here you better have a fricken plan to get your butt to New York. Do it for yourself. Do it and don't look back. Change will be good and necessary. YOU GOT THIS.

Talk soon x

Casey

[itsjayyyy]

July 2, 2018 11:17 pm

So yesterday I went to work and all that jazz, and as my shift was ending rose sent me a text saying she was going to paul’s birthday dinner and they wouldn’t be back at their place until a little later, and I should wait until they come back to slide over. I responded that since it was sunday night (back to school), I was planning on heading back to my college for the night. But as soon as I sent that message I realized that they were offering to let me stay over again, and there was no way in hell I’d pass up that opportunity. So I quickly added “but if yall are cool with me staying over I’ll wait ya sure.” I still drove out to my college after my shift, though, because I still needed to shower. After I got out of the shower, I rearranged my locker, then rose texted me saying they were gonna get boba, so I linked up with them there. I got chocolate milk tea (reminded me a lot of chocolate milk w a lot of syrup) with chili pepper popping boba (not as spicy as I expected it to be).

While we were there, rose mentioned plane ticket costs and how they were predicted to go down and I was like wait. Yall are still planning on going to this music festival. After we literally had a huge fight over that. About how I gave yall $850 because I thought you needed it and now you won’t even help me get off the streets. Okay.

I just kind of stewed in my anger instead of saying it out loud, though, since paul’s sister was with them and I didn’t want to leave a bad impression on her. When the boba shop closed we migrated outside to have a cigarette and then talk some more. Peter and I sat on the curb and talked about how he was kind of scared he wouldn’t be a good father since he never had one growing up, and then I started to teach him how to ride a motorcycle. Then we stopped by a gas station (where I accidentally spilled gas all over my tank), and then went back to their place to smoke a bowl. Bruh, when I tell you peter has the comfiest bed in the world, I mean it.

The next morning (today), rose told me that apparently in my sleep i reached over her, grabbed peter’s arm, and held it close to me. But I held it in an angle that put his hand right on my titties. I’m a very cuddly person when I’m asleep, in my defense. She also told me that the night before, I swung my leg over her (like a full body hug) and accidentally kicked peter in the balls. I’m so sorry, peter.

So I woke up around 10:30 ish, laid in bed, then rose and I watched another episode of mother. We got to the part where seol ak dies ahhh it’s so sad. I know I’m not supposed to feel bad for him bc he’s an abuser and all but man, with a backstory like that you gotta at least feel a little bad for him. Then I went to therapy, but I got to that side of town about 30 mins early so I stopped at a mcdonald’s for breakfast. And by breakfast I mean a small fries and a medium hazelnut iced coffee. I don’t eat at mcdonald’s that often, but I noticed some things were different: you order on a touch screen, and the workers that bring your food wear very professional outfits, like they work at a hotel or something.

This was the first therapy session that I felt that she was actually giving me some solid advice, instead of just listening to me. But in her defense, most of the times I tell her about my problems, I follow it up with my solutions so she never gets an opportunity to help me. Today she suggested I write a letter to my parents, because it allows me to carefully compile and revise what I say, there’s no chance of them interrupting me, and they can reread it as many times as they need to. She also said that I should ask rose and peter to pay me back, considering that I’m homeless and need money to at least rent a hotel or something. When she first said that (and for the next few hours), I was like fuck yeah give me my money back. But now that I’ve simmered down, I feel bad because rose has two speeding tickets she has to pay for, and she still hasn’t gotten her first paycheck, and her car ran out of gas today. But if she just agreed to not go to lollapalooza, maybe I wouldn’t be so upset.

After therapy I drove out to my college again to chill on the upper floor of the library (my new fav spot). I watched the final episode of mother, and I’m so happy it has a happy ending ahh. It reaffirmed my love of social work. Even though rose said she was going to donate plasma on the east side and then meet up with me, she never messaged me the rest of the day. I’m getting really fed up with that tbfh. I texted her saying “so much for finishing mother today” and she responded about how her car ran out of gas. I just don’t want to think about her and mom talking at home ugh.

After the library closed, I drove right off campus to the gas station to pick up some cup noodles. I also bought a bottle of water since it’s cheaper there, and also a pack of hostess donuts because I deserve them. I remember hearing when I was a very young child something about the average family lives on $2 a day (apparently I misheard, it’s the line of poverty that’s $2 a day), and now I think I want to adopt a similar mentality. I’m not going to go as far as going to $2 a day right now (which would be 2 cups of noodles and nothing more), but I do want to curb my spending on food. Of course, buying prepared meals will always be more expensive than preparing food by hand, but since I don’t have a kitchen that’s a paradoxical luxury I can’t afford. I just want to spend less money on starbucks, mcdonald’s (that breakfast was like $4!!!), etc. and see how much extra I can save. Here’s my plan: buy a box of any cheap super sugary cake (like zebra cakes, twinkies, etc) since they come as a pack of 6 for $1.79 and contain enough calories to be a full meal. That’ll be my mid day snack. That comes out to 30 cents per day. Then I’ll allow, say, a cup of noodles or easy mac or maybe a can of soup from the gas station, which is between $1-2, for dinner. If I currently set a budget of $5 per day, that leaves around $2.70 for breakfast, which could be two donuts at dunkin. 

I also want to start balancing my checkbook, because I feel like that would help me be more aware of my spending. I set it up in the back of my comp sci notebook already; I plan on doing my checking account in black ink, my discover card in red, and my capital one in blue because I feel that if I only do my checking then I’ll just hide all my purchases from my conscience in my credit cards.

I’m really wishing I had taken the 5 packs of chopsticks from my yellow backpack and put them in my blue backpack, because I’m currently trying to eat noodles with a bottle cap as my eating utensil and it is not working out.

I think I might start looking into living on my own if I can’t talk things through with everyone else. I mean, they still want to go to lolla, but literally the month after they plan on moving out and they don’t even have a savings account? And they haven’t even paid for the trip’s expenses? Yikes. I mean, I’m fucking homeless and even my savings account is at least in the triple digits.

We’ll see, though. I just can’t wait until I’m 24 with a stable income, my own house, and a great career in social work.