#bc I didn't tell them about the internship. i didn't post on fb about it. they knew because my friend told everyone about it
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I saw an ask recently abt Sonic Frontiers that was like "omg when is sonic coming out?!!?!?!" and the response was "when he's ready, be respectful"
and as many things have done over the past year and a half, it reminded me of my former best friend whose idea of trying to be supportive was to try and get me to discuss my sexuality, which I never did because I wasn't comfortable with outing myself.
like there was one time when he was like "yeah just like download Tinder or like grindr or whatever", there were other occasions where he just casually dropped that he didn't think I was straight, and he would get frustrated that I wasn't more open with him. And that ask really does sum it up - it wasn't respectful. He didn't respect my boundaries, and he wanted to force the issue because he felt entitled to know. He was upset that I wasn't sharing information with him despite him being my best friend.
I do genuinely think it was coming from a good place, like he wasn't trying to be malicious, but the fact that he kept pushing it when I didn't want to talk about it really bothered me. There was this attitude of like "friends tell each other everything, I don't like that you don't share things with me" - which is valid enough to a point. I did close myself off from him, starting years earlier and then more rapidly towards the end. He's entitled to feeling closed out.
But god, I have shit I want to keep to myself. There are deep, personal, private things that are mine to keep, and nobody is entitled to that. My sexuality is one of those things, and that's information that is absolutely, unabashedly okay for me to keep close to my chest. And to be prodded and questioned, to have people make comments about my sexuality to my face because they feel entitled to that conversation when I don't want it - that shit cuts. I HATE thinking about it.
Quick sidenote, if you're reading this David, you can go and fuck yourself a thousand times over. I'll never forgive you for eight years of shit like this that made me uncomfortable.
Anyway this post has been weighing heavily on my mind for a couple weeks now. And it all dropped from a comedy ask about Sonic the Hedgehog. Be respectful of other people's privacy, and if you speculate about that aspect of them, keep it to yourself and give them the space, privacy and time to deal with it and come to you IF they feel like it. Not WHEN, IF. If they don't tell you, it's none of your business. Be respectful.
#personal#(this is abt a real-life david. if you're an internet david who's never met me irl this isn't about you)#(sorry if dropping that part with the name freaked out any internet davids)#trauma cw#oh also. there was one time where I got an internship and he like. told everyone around me#before i got the chance to#again it wasn't him being Bad. his intentions were good. maybe me being upset is like a me thing in this scenario#but like. i would see other friends and people I knew and they'd be like 'congrsts on the internship!!' and it felt weird and bad#bc I didn't tell them about the internship. i didn't post on fb about it. they knew because my friend told everyone about it#and it was just unpleasant and disorienting. like damn I appreciate that you care and are being supportice#but i wanted to tell you.#god one more vent - when I stopped being friends with my former best friend people would like ask about him before they'd ask about me#like 'oh hey mallard. how's david'#fucking Verbatim. that shit was happening for months#I'm really glad he's not in my life any more. my life really did revolve around him for so long#and it got to the point that I didn't feel like a person#things like this - keeping my sexuality to myself - were little personal victories that gave me some degree of control#at a time where I had very little of it. they were flecks of myself that were mine and mine alone. and that drove me privately#even as I lost my identity in the real world#I'm so glad I never gave up that part if myself to please others. I'm glad I had a strong sense of boundaries that I didn't give up
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