#basically what i'm saying is i want a fic where arthur comes back and merlin is frantically rushing around and he calls up leon

[captainfairygodmother]

You know what I really love that should be explored in even more Merlin fanfics?

Immortal Leon. Like, you've just got Merlin over there sulking about while he waits for Arthur to return. Then there's just Leon, living his best immortal life, doing the most randomest shit known to mankind

[kindlythevoid]

For the talk about your fics game: 1, 2, 4 (OC of your choice), and 8!

Ohhh, thank you so much for asking!!! I really took this opportunity to lore dump about, well, basically everyone and everything I think, and it turned out to be a very long post. And as I myself hate scrolling and scrolling through posts that I've already seen (unless it's the color of the sky), I will put it under the keep reading for the sake of brevity.

Read at your own risk.

(But thank you very much for asking, seriously, I love lore dumping so so much)

1. What story (stories?) are you writing rn that you’ll most likely publish next?

Probably In Every Stitch and Seam, which mostly follows Season Two of my BBC Merlin rewrite where Arthur gets shot back to the beginning of the first season after he dies. I'm playing with some other stories that I'd like to publish at some point, but unless I manage to write a really well-written one shot, Stitch and Seam will probably be the next one.

2. What story (stories?) are you writing rn that will most likely linger in your head for an undetermined amount of time?

All of 'em? None of 'em? It really depends on the time, ha ha! A lot of them are in the in-my-head stage. I hope one day to publish them. Maybe one day, I'll even write them!

4. Lore dump about the OCs! (Author's choice)

So, originally I was going to try to pick one. But fuck it, I made the damn game, it says plural OCs in the question, I'm just gonna go off about all of them bc that's what the game is for. Thank you for asking!! I'm just gonna go down the list of tags I originally had.

So, Mara, is, actually, my Supernatural OC. Super cringe, yes, but I love her and I have a whole story more-or-less plotted out and everything. Like this thing spans so much time. But I'm here to talk about Mara. So, omgosh, Mara Deana Winchester is Sam's kid that he has with Amelia when Dean is stuck in Purgatory after Season Seven. So, like, obviously I make every change I've ever wanted for the show, but, like, it hinges on the existence of this girl. Sam has a kid, and immediately the whole universe changes. But because Supernatural is canonically part of a multiverse, there's a universe out there with the original Supernatural plotline, but we won't get into that. (I've never lore dumped about my characters, sorry for rambling on about the story instead, ha ha!) So, anyway, Amelia doesn't want the kid and her husband comes back, so Sam takes her and him and Dean and Cas have to raise this girl. In a bunker. Like, better than what John did. That's like, the lowest of bars. And Mara really takes after Sam, but she has all these random influences and is, like, taken on hunts?? As a child?? Or left with Jody and the girls or Charlie or something, so she very much has the childhood of a Hunter, but she still sees the Bunker as, like, her permanent childhood home, which does wonders for her, I'm sure. Anyway, so she grows up and becomes a therapist, because I am convinced that the Hunters need to have, like, benefits or something. So she's a licensed therapist, but she's also, like, 6'3, built like a lumberjack, with a bunch of anti-possession tattoos and scars and shit, so the first session always goes really interestingly. There's also a side story (several, probably) where I cross over with freaking Criminal Minds (bc ofc) and Mara ends up dating JJ's now-adult son, Henry, which just means chaos at the wedding because half of Mara's family is on the Most Wanted List and the other half probably doesn't legally exist, so. Yeah, idk if that's how you talk about OCs, but there's number one down.

Okay, next up is Kirsi. She is one of my two main Star Wars OCs. She's a Rexsoka kid, it's true, yeah, born about two or so years after the rise of the Empire, yeah, yeah. So Kirsi is Togrutan, like Ahsoka, but she looks exactly like Rex (and consequently like a bajillion other soldiers in the universe, funny how that works) and she isn't Force-sensitive. And since I made them before Bad Batch, I'm sticking with the reason that Rex and co. is retired is because he's staying behind to raise the kids (yes, kids, I'll get to that later), while Ahsoka goes around doing Ahsoka things (though she also picks them up and takes them for, like, half the year, because I couldn't bear the thought of Ahsoka not playing a part in their lives). So, anyway, when Ezra goes to pick up Rex, Kirsi and her sister (the next OC) go along with them, but as, like, equally side characters. Kirsi eventually goes off to properly join the Rebellion and shit and ends up running her own ship called Judgement Day.

Kirsi's older sister, Aay'han, is Force-sensitive. She's human, looks like Ahsoka, and is basically Ahsoka's padawan for all intents and purposes. Although, after her, Kirsi, and Rex end up in the same orbit as the Ghost crew, Aay'han does some training with Kanan and Ezra just bc Ahsoka is gone so often. But while Kirsi officially joins the Rebellion, Aay'han remains sort of anonymous. Like, she helps out, but she never has to take orders. She does, however, join the crew of the Judgement Day once that becomes a thing. (I guess she's more of a side OC as of right now, but it felt right to give her her own blurb)

Okay, okay, so my Sole Survivors I'm gonna do together, because I believe it's short. Ish. Nate and Nora are my take on Fallout 4's sole survivors, except, y'know, they both survive. I stick with the Army-Nate and Lawyer-Nora narrative, but Nate was a medic/doctor/nurse-person (I haven't solidified it yet, but he does the Medicine) and Nora's been diagnosed with ASPD, so she's actually one of the very, very few people that is both a sociopath and a psychopath! I basically assigned certain SPECIAL characteristics and the various paths to either Nate or Nora, so Nora's really good at, say, lockpicking and hacking from her misspent youth, while Nate has crazy good endurance and probably ends up as a ghoul at some point so he can deal with the radiation spots! They're both, like, eerily okay with murder and are on a mission to find Shaun. Nate just keeps adopting ppl on the way. And Nora's low-empathy, but she can still reason and shit, so she's not, like, a villain or anything. But yeah, power couple Nate & Nora. :)

Like Nate and Nora, I'm just gonna do the crew of Judgement Day all as one. The Judgement Day is the same ship that Kirsi pilots. Her co-pilot is Miikka, who's ginger, flies planes, and ends up with Kirsi. Their navigator is Solene (goes by Lena), a bubbly purple Twilek who really loves the stars and is the cinnamon roll of the ship (do ppl even still use that terminology anymore??). Their resident mechanic is a Chiss named Kres'ave'kleon (...Savek, he goes by Savek), who desperately needs an attitude check but is, unfortunately, very good with ships and doesn't really care that they're running Rebellion missions. They also have a live-in hacker who is their primary contact with the black market; she's a Mirialan who goes by Kalea and is the only one who gets their own room on the ship. Finally, they also have slicer, a human cyborg ex-smuggler from back in the war named Gene. Kalea gets them in, but Gene is the one that deals with sending codes and transmissions and shit to the Rebellion.

So, that was a lot. But I only mostly regret typing it all out!

8. Fic that is near and dear to your heart?

Oh goodness, where do I start? Though I've only published a few, all of the ones I write occupy a little place in my heart. But as the longest fic I've ever written, one of the very few I've finished, and part of the handful that have made it onto Ao3... Love the Bright Sword. As of right now it's definitely one of my better, if not best, written pieces, and everything in Rewind I really feel is some of my best quality writing. I've definitely sunk a few years of my life into this fic, just sort of writing on and off, and I remember staying up late to rewatch episodes and studiously take down how dialogue is said or how a scene is played out, just over and over again. I still do, when I come across an episode I need to write out, but, oh, those were some days. That was my first time getting comments on a fic, real long comments, and I took every chance I could to talk about how a scene was written, or how much I love a certain character, or what I learned while researching, or analysis, so much analysis on my own damn fic. (Hell, I still do it when I can, ha ha!) I consider myself so lucky to have landed with the audience that I have, because it really made the experience so much better than I ever could have imagined.

Okay, so, maybe not what you were expecting, op, but than you anyway!! I really appreciated the opportunity to go off like this!! :)

Kindly,

The Void

[bitsandbobsofwriting]

Oh my god so I’ve been off tumblr for way too long but I was like “None of the fics in my to-read list sound good to me right now. Where can I find some good ones?” So I was like “oh! I haven’t checked bits and bobs in a while so let’s see what she’s been up to” and then I decided to read the most recent fic, which of course was eat shit and die, and so I found myself sobbing on the couch while I ate Mac n cheese. Basically, I want to say that holy crap that eat shit and die fic was absolutely incredible and I loved every minute of it and Arthur’s speech legitimately made me cry ❤️❤️❤️

(Referencing This Fic)

YAY!!! I'm so glad you loved it Magic!!! We all love sobbing whilst munching on some mac n cheese, so I'm honoured to have been able to help with that :D

I also legit find it hilarious that I've called it "Respectfully, My Lord", but it's being solely referred to as "the eat shit and die fic". I'm in love with that😂

~

On another note, I'm so sorry I haven't posted #36 from The List yet lads!! Got writer's block to the extreme for this one, so progress is a lot slower that I'd hoped. It should definitely be out in the next couple of days, though whether it'll be any good or not is another matter...

Anyway, here's a sneak peek to hopefully stop y'all abandoning me lol:

“We’re going to Gaius so he can look at you, I’ll send a guard for Leon, and he can help you back to your rooms afterwards. If Gaius doesn’t want to keep you overnight, that is.”

Merlin huffs out a tired laugh and rolls his eyes, but doesn’t resist:

“I’ll call for Leon, and it’s really not that bad. Nothing’s broken, I just twisted an ankle and bruised a couple of ribs.”

Morgana growls slightly at his words, adjusting the grip she has around his waist as they come to a stop outside Gaius’ room, fortunately having managed to avoid all the castle guards:

“You did not twist anything, you did not bruise anything, that pig did those things to you, and I’ll be damned if I have him in our Kingdom any longer.”

She knocks harshly, and it doesn’t take Gaius long to open the door and bustle the two of them over to a pallet, sitting Merlin down and not bothering to wave Morgana away, knowing that nothing could pull her from the servant’s side until she was less... angry.

After this it'll be #22 (which I know a few of you are wondering whether it will have a happy ending or not.... yeah, no. I mean... no one's going to die, but they definitely won't be having a fun time), then I'm thinking maybe #7 or #13 :D

[hiimsociallyawkward]

aithusia

hi bestie @lady-ofmagic-andstars it's been a while. i said i would do this episode last week but i had to wait for the destiny and chicken podcast to come out so here we are. basically, all of my thoughts while watching aithusia.

ugh the opening scene. i actually love it

ok ngl i remember that this guy is the bad guy but he's like 🥵🥵🥵 jeez

ik it's not just on tiktok but that tiktok where it goes 'but momma i'm in love with a criminal'

wow nice key bud

ok him running in the forest is just like you cannot outrun your demons and i thought that was so funny

smh he's so violent but he's so pretty :,)

ok but how old is this guy?? he say it's taken 20 years of his life. why 20? is that because that's when the 'last' dragon died out?? and at what age was he socially concious enough to recognize the implication of what it means to have a dragon? his is so dumb but probably like 15? so this guy is 35ish? idk man thoughts?

ok if he just feel off the cliff instead of being able to pull himself up we would've saved ourselves a lot of trouble i'm just saying druids.

ok this is so pretty. my thoughts are like 25% me singing show tunes, 25% thinking of actual merlin things, 50% thinking about how pretty everything is

merlin is such a light sleeper. idk why that's important but he wakes up ALL the time

✨gaius is the worst ✨

ok colin's eye looked so good in this scene

aLASFLJDFA MERLIN AND HIS SOCKS

stop i literally dress like this

i love his sleep clothes. it's such a vibe

aw merlin saying 'save the dragons is so cute' omg it reminds me of the vsco girls and saving the turtles HAHA

i love how equal merlin and kilgharrah feel here

asjflsjdasjdfl like ik this is the point but i love that merlin's inherited his father gift and he's always going to remember him. not that merlin would forget his father but idek

aw kilgharrah is like 'i beg you' ok now that i think abt it maybe it's slightly manipulative but it's also really not

ok actually i don't know how many time merlin uses this scene but i guess i'm keeping track now. but look how pretty

wow the rising sun 🤪

OH HAHA THIS IS WHERE MERLIN CARTWHEELS??

literally merlin just breaks in everywhere

merlin seems so earnest about wanting to see the dragons. i want to see the dragons too please

omg HAHA the woodworm is this episode??

WHY IS MERLIN STILL SEARCHING AFTER ARTHUR TURNS AROUND WHAT?

this is a side note but i love arthur's key holder thingy it's actually pretty.

stop right now why is merlin using his magic to PANTS arthur

ok i'm pretty sure that agravaine is only in this episode this one time, and yk it's the little victories

i'm actually embarassed for arthur and merlin here. i don't like it at all

HOW DOES MERLIN DO THE HANDSTAND?? that's the one part i like

ok my question is how is he supposed to know where the last piece of the triskeleton is??

SECOND QUESTION WHY IS HE JUST STANDING IN THE VAULT WHEN HE SHOULD BE RUNNING

lasflkajsdljsad omg the betrayal. ouch my heart

these scene are just like. it's actually art

ok how did merlin stay there all night and no one saw him?? literally camelot guards need to step up

omg no not merlin zooming

sklfja;lsdkjfasdlfs amerlin and the cup

i love how long merlin and arthur look at each other before arthur reacts

lsjfa;lksdsl woodworm omg and the fact that arthur believes that merlin is this chaotic is so funny

HAHA THIS SCENE GAIUS LITERALLY YELLING AT MERLIN

i think this is the funniest thing because gaius is like 'don't people about your magic' while YELLING ABOUT MERLIN'S MAGIC

ok that's a good point gaius we don't know what borden's intentions are

alsdjfalsd stop why didn't they wait for merlin :,(. this reminds me of when you're in highschool and you're finishing lunch and as you pack up everyone is leaving you??????

ok but i love that merlin rides in front with arthur. like- of course he does

merlin being observant 😍😍

i want to go horse riding now

STOP I DON'T LIKE THIS

THIS KNIGHT/DINNER GAG IS NOT FUNNY TO ME. NOT IN THE SLIGHTLEST. THERE'S THIS FIC by @a-small-batch-of-dragons. i literally spent like 10 minutes looking for it because i had to include it here

this scene just.. i don't like it. i never have and i never will

like- who decided that putting this scene in here would be good. no thanks

the knights sleeping in a circle and merlin sleeping on the outside. idk bro that made me a little sad

but also. i want a cloak please. i think i'm just going to say i want a cloak every episode

ok i chuckled at the interaction of 'ever herd of the word sorry?' and 'no is it a word you made up?'

dude don't ask why but i love it when people walk through waterfalls

i don't know why arthur looked so stupid when he was doing it though

i love the nature of it all

yes merlin, you start walking toward the castle first

aw i love the knights working together. like, i know they work together- they're knights, but we love to see it

merlin and his sharp eyes again :,))

why are they making camp it's literally not even dark yet 😭😭

oh great another dinner gag. please stop. i dislike this immensely

wow i love that merlin can heal them. i also think it's surprising because merlin sucks at healing things but yk.. ✨plot✨

this looks like the type of building teens would either be convinced is haunted and try to stay the night there or the type of building that all teens would go to to take pics for the #gram

ok is borden dead here or..

yes i'm putting both of these picture here. who's going to stop me

just kidding it's three

ok so not dead

ok this is not meant to be creepy but colin has nice hands

borden is a creep please go away now

merlin use your ✨magic ✨ please

YES. tell him you're the last dragonlord. i stan. YES HIM AND HIS MAGIC

you better run boy

ok how he manages to get out of the castle is astounding

HAHA there was some CGI that fell and i laughed so hard because it looked so fake

LITERALLY. THE PRETTY CASTLE SCENE IS HERE AGAIN. PRETTY CASTLE SCENE COUNTER; 3

omg merlin getting excited about the egg is actually so precious

both of their faces here are SO precious.

oasfasldfjasl idk why but whenever merlin walks across with the eggs i have this feeling he's going to faceplant and drop it for the comedic effect but i'm glad that never happens

bruh 'back where it belongs' like yes that makes sense but also that doesn't make sense

dude

it's been a full moon for like 4 days now..??????

omg i actually love aithusa

tbh, i DO NOT know how to pronounce her name

why is she actually the cutest thing ever.

AW MERLIN CRYING

i love it when merlin cries, but not in a sadistic way yk? it's more the fact that he's allowed to cry

ok i have a few dragon fics that i love but the only one i can think of right now is Returning the Favor by CaffeinatedFlumadiddle it's actually perfect

there are so many more that i love but i can't think of them but also- PLEASE REC YOUR FAVE DRAGON FAMILY DOMESTIC FICS PLEASE AND THANK YOU

anyways. i'll be back tomorrow to rant more about the darkest hr pt 2 so i'll see you then! also let me know if you want me to stop tagging you @lady-ofmagic-andstars because otherwise i will literally tag you in everything :,)

[gremlinbehaviour]

BABY FIC BABY FIC BABY FIC

Gwen and Arthur (and Lancelot) have a baby

You can read it on ao3 at the link above or down below.

Lancelot hadn't been able to go to Gwen when her labor started, since that would have been far too suspicious, but he was reassured by the fact that Merlin was with her along with the midwives. The warlock wouldn't allow anything bad to happen to her, he knew, or to the baby.  After a few hours he heard that Arthur had been kicked out of the room, since apparently midwives outranked even the king when it came to who could attend a birth, and Lancelot realized he could join him outside the room. To any outsiders, it would appear as if he was just keeping his friend company as the father-to-be waited, while he was actually just as expectant. At one point, when Gwen started really screaming, he and Arthur held hands to try to quell their nervousness and to keep each other from rushing into the room with their swords drawn. There was no danger, or at least nothing that could be fought, but their instinctive reaction to hearing screams was hard to ignore. Especially when it was someone they both cared about deeply.

Finally, Gwen stopped screaming, and a baby's soft cries began instead. Arthur and Lancelot both stood up and hugged in relief. They only broke apart when the door opened and Merlin peaked his head out.

"Come meet your son," he said, simultaneously reassuring them that Gwen and the baby were alright, since he would have led with that news if something was wrong, and announcing that it was a boy. Arthur stepped forward before realizing that Lancelot was hanging back.

"Is Guinevere up to seeing both of us?" He asked, taking Lance's hand.

"She should be," Merlin replied with a knowing smirk. "You are her husband and the father of her child, after all."

Arthur glared disapprovingly at the statement, and if it wasn't such a joyous occasion he probably would have hit him, but Lancelot thought it was actually quite clever of him to phrase it the way he did. If anyone overheard him, they'd think both statements referred to the same person since Merlin hadn't said "respectively," when in reality only the first one was directed at Arthur. The second referred to Lancelot, who entered the royal chambers behind his king to go meet his son.

Gwen was sitting in the bed, propped up by myriad pillows and looking exhausted with sweat glistening on her skin, but also smiling. The baby was held against her bare breast where the neck of her thin maternity shift had been pulled down. A blanket covered him so that only his head, already covered in dark curly hair, was visible. Lancelot didn't know if he'd ever seen something so small and beautiful. Even if he hadn't already been intending to protect the baby with his life if need be, he knew he would do so now. He wouldn't even need to think about it; the drive to protect the vulnerable had already combined instantly with his love for his son to create an unshakable instinct to jump in front of anything trying to harm him.

"He's so…" he started to say, taking a step towards the bed, before his words failed him. Arthur evidently knew what he meant already though.

"He is," he agreed. He stood by his wife's side, hovering basically as he tried to be close to her without sitting on the bed. He didn't want to jostle it at all and disturb or hurt her, since he could only imagine that she would be in pain right now. "What should we name him?" He asked her.

"I was thinking Amr," she replied drowsily. "How does that sound?"

"Perfect," Arthur said. "Lancelot? Do you like it?"

The knight just stared for a moment, clearly surprised at having been given a say. "It's a beautiful name," he finally said. "It- it's your choice though, not mine. You're his parents, I'm just-" He trailed off, not knowing how to say that he was just the one who had gotten Gwen pregnant without it sounding crude. When the… arrangements had been made for the knight to come to the queen's chambers one night nine months ago, since Arthur was infertile and the kingdom needed an heir, he'd assumed that it was a one night only affair, never to be spoken of again.

"You're his father," she said gently, and his heart both leaped and broke at those words. "You may not be able to show that in public, but in private, Arthur and I aren't going to make you pretend he isn't your son."

"Then… can I hold him?" He asked hesitantly.

Gwen nodded and carefully wrapped the baby, Amr, it seemed like they had decided, in his blanket. Lancelot leaned over her and ever so carefully lifted the child. Without needing to be told, he made sure to support his head. A wide grin broke out over his face as he cradled his son in his arms. Instinctively, he began to sway back and forth a little, as if trying to rock the baby to sleep. It was clear he was going to be an amazing dad.

"How are you doing, my love?" Arthur asked Gwen, stroking her hair gently. He didn't seem jealous at all of Lancelot holding the baby before him, despite how it was his son, if not literally then at least practically. Amr would be raised as his, with Lance as an uncle at most.

"Tired," Gwen admitted.

"Then rest. Lance and I will look after our son." He pulled the blanket up for her and kissed her sweaty hair as her eyes slipped shut. Waiting until he was sure he was asleep to move away, he looked up  at Lancelot and Amr. He was struck, as he gazed at their matching looks of wonder, by the fact that they were beautiful. Maybe more beautiful than anything he'd ever seen, except Guinevere. Fatherhood suited Lance better than any suit of armor could. Arthur only hoped he could wear that mantle half as well.

"Here, you should hold him," the knight whispered after Gwen drifted off. He stepped close, and apparently sensing that Arthur didn't know what to do with babies half as well as he himself did, carefully arranged his arms before settling the tiny bundle into them.

Amr's eyes were so big as he gazed upwards. They were dark brown like Gwen and Lancelot's, and the wispy hair already covering his head was dark and curly. Between that and his tanned skin, Arthur could find no trace of his own blue eyes or blond hair in his appearance. Not that he would have, and he wasn't disappointed, but it would make it a little harder to pass Amr off as his own. He almost wondered if they should have gotten someone that looked a little more like him to father the baby. Except something about Lancelot being the one there felt right, and forcing Gwen to sleep with someone she wasn't interested in would be evil.

"He's beautiful," Arthur mused. He couldn't stop staring at him until a wet nurse came to take care of him.

[awed-frog]

I know you said you'll still follow the show, reblog gifs, and finish the dcbb you're working on this year, but ahhh - I'm going to miss reading paragraphs and paragraphs of your detailed analysis! You're my favourite meta-writer, and I really looked forward to reading your opinions after each episode :) Although you probably won't be super active in this fandom, will you still write deancas fic in the future? Just for fun?

Hi, sorry I left this for a few days. Your message really cheered me up in a period that’s been hard for me - mostly for family issues, so thank you - thank you so much for all this.

As for my projects - the truth is, I don’t know what I want to do, and how I feel about it all. 

[Putting the rest of this under a cut because there’s some negativity there - the tl;dr version is, yes, I’ll keep writing fiction for now and I’m hoping to post the next big project in a couple of weeks or so.]

Right now I feel let down, mostly, and as I said, part of it has to with myself and who I am as a person (someone who gets in too deep and 100%, and that’s not necessarily good), but I’ve also been around long enough to be sure that part of it is the show itself. What mostly annoys me as a meta writer is the fact Supernatural won’t own up to the subtext it is so clearly embedding in its narrative. Some people still feel optimistic, and that’s great, but let’s remember that what they’re doing right now - that’s a pattern. We got to the point where their whole season arc doesn’t make sense without Destiel (that’s basically what happened with Amara), and their mirrors are so precise they’re basically blinding you (still not over that Colette thing), and yet at the end of the season, nothing happens and nothing has changed. I mean, even with all the goodwill in the world, it’s getting harder and harder for me to believe TPTB will act any different from all the others who’ve been there before (and here I’m thinking mostly about Merlin and Sherlock) - they saw there was something happening there, for whatever reason, or maybe they pushed it from the start, I don’t know, but at some point they decided that yeah, why not keep it going - but the truth is, they never meant to go through with it, because that’s not how it works - because bi people are not a thing, because your gay characters must be openly gay from the start, because a story about a gay man must have something to do with AIDS or whatever, because you can’t trick people into watching a vampire story and then BAM, surprise, motherfucker, it was actually a gay romance all along, because the most they can do is two people holding hands in the very last scene and nobody would be happy with that, so why bother? 

I’ve tried to force myself, for years, to believe there was no malice there, no sheer exploitation of people’s hunger for representaton, but I don’t know if I can anymore. If you look at the last two seasons, the pattern is exactly what it’s been for the previous seven: a lot of subtext (sometimes  stretching credibility), a lot of double speak and scenes that could be interpreted either way, incredibly romantic moments followed or preceded by stupid and/or out of character #NoHomo stuff, and, mostly, no textual confirmation of any kind that something is actually going on. Which, frankly, enough.

And it’s not about Destiel, either. I would be okay with this obsession to keep the show only about Sam and Dean if they actually told me what’s going on with them, because they’re such complex and interesting characters and I would love to spend more time with them, but really, it’s hit and miss there. For instance, during this season I have learned nothing new about Sam, and I’m not any closer to understanding who he is and what he wants. As for Dean, 90% of his character development happened in the season finale - while the work of deconstructing performing!Dean has been majestic at times, it often felt like an afterthought. And how is it possible that we barely heard them talk to each other about this extraordinary thing that’s happened to them? Your mother coming back from the dead - you’d think that would be the focus of, I don’t know, everything? - but, again, I’m not much closer to understanding what’s going on there than I was before. As for Mary herself, she never made much sense to me as a character (apparently the fact Sam was a vessel for Lucifer and John wasn’t exactly nice to his kids was still news for her after one full year? like, uh?) and I still don’t understand, exactly, what it is they wanted to do with her. Other times, the message was clear but the way they got there didn’t work for me - for instance, Crowley’s death was hurried and weird, and that whole Claire episode proved the very thing Claire was trying to disprove (ie, that no, she wasn’t ready to work on her own) and yet the final scene ignored basically everything that had happened in the previous forty minutes and just went with it. 

So, you see, there’s plenty of big and little things like that I’m annoyed about - and I get some of them have to do with the limitations of filiming a TV show (stuff about budget and whatever else I know nothing about), but when you see other episodes, well-made episodes, you realize they know how to do the thing and just don’t want to. 

Sometimes I think Supernatural, like Destiel, was never supposed to be a thing. This is not Game of Thrones or Westworld or True Detective - it’s not something they created to win awards and have people hold on to their souls for dear life and question their entire existences. It’s just - entertainment. It’s what the CW does, right? I don’t want to be snobby, but they didn’t make The Vampire Diaries or Beauty and the Beast or Gossip Girl so they could change the world (I sort of enjoyed all of those, so again - I’m not saying they’re bad shows - at all). Those are simply things that sell - stories featuring incredibly good-looking people doing reckless things, living on the edge and helping you take your mind off your mean teacher or annoying dad. That’s it. It’s all it is. The fact Supernatural became more than that, and came to mean so much to so many people - that was probably a perfect storm of things - Kripke’s was a story about the American Dream that came at just the right moment, the cast (in my opinion, especially Jensen) is really talented, the writers mostly know what they’re doing and so on. This is why I’m trying to come to terms with the fact that those episodes I don’t like - those are the norm. The masterpieces - they’re accidental - and not in the sense people don’t work hard on them, but in the sense the show was never supposed to be like that. 

So, I truly don’t know. I enjoy writing metas, and I’m slowly getting over the colossal disappointment that was the season finale, so, who knows - maybe by the time S13 airs, I’ll decide to go back to it. I don’t know. When I wrote that last meta, I was very emotional and absolutely furious, but feelings fade and change. What I will stop expecting, though, is for the narrative to follow any rules when they’re clearly trying to break them - and not in a good way. For instance, it truly made no narrative sense for Eileen to die, and it made no narrative sense for Toni to have a kid at all (or that she’d extract information from Sam by dream-raping him), or for Sam to break into that emotional King Arthur speech, or for Cas to die the way he did - and yet. So if I do start to write metas again, I’ll try to be more light-hearted about it and allow for ‘whateverness’, because apparently this is what we’re getting.

As for writing - I’ll always be grateful to this show and to the fandom for giving me my will to write back. I’m the kind of person who’s been working on a novel or a collection of short story or whatever else since primary school, but the last few years have been busy and adult and on and off traumatic, so I’d stopped completely, and this - this not writing, this living in a finite world, this drowning out of the voices in my head - this made me ache and shatter somewhere in my very soul. Writing stories again and getting feedback on them has been a joyful, liberating, crucial experience for me, and it has really helped me to make sense of myself as a person again. Plus, I really love these characters and feel there are so many things left unsaid - at this point, I couldn’t bear to leave them behind. My plans are to keep writing at least until the next DCBB, but if Supernatural will really finish in a season and a half, it’s possible I’ll keep posting the occasional coda during S13 and S14 as well. At the moment, I’m working on three big things - I think I’ll manage to finish them, and I truly hope you’ll like them, because, really - the friends I’ve made in the fandom, the messages I exchange with those who read my stories, all those taking the time to let me know they’ve kept reading all night long or something - it’s been so deep, so intimate and world-changing - a moving, incredible experience. I owe you guys so much, and that’s something I’ll not easily forget.

So, well, sorry for the novel - I guess I just wanted to say - I’m not leaving this story behind yet. I’ll just try to care a bit less and focus more on other things, but I’ll be around. Family don’t end with blood, and all that.

[bitsandbobsofwriting]

9+badass merlin

(Referencing This List of Questions) (Badass!Merlin)

9) Were there any alternate versions of this fic?

Hmm. Yes.

So the original plan basically runs exactly how it is now. But then for a long time I considered cutting out the entire first part (with Merlin going to and from the fort and killing all those people) and I intended to just write the last bit, with him talking to and then torturing and then killing the sorcerer who'd orchestrated the whole thing.

That conversation was going to be much longer, and include Merlin figuring out that the assassin he'd.... taken care of... last week had been sent by this guy. An assassin that Arthur hadn't even known existed (the gang would have witnessed this whole conversation, hidden by magic like they did in the end product). The sorcerer was going to offer Merlin a job, cue Merlin going "Did you not hear me? I just told you that I'm the one that killed the last little pest you sent." and the sorcerer responding with a shrug and a "Well. Who better to replace a soldier with than the enemy who outfought him?" . Bear in mind that the entire gang is watching this conversation happen, when Merlin stops, and in what appears to be all seriousness, asks "How much?", the sorcerer thinks he's actually about to be able to hire him and says some shit about pay (and it's a lot, so much so that all the gang are like "jfc where's he getting the money to pay assassins that much") and of course mentions a bonus for the first kill. At which point Merlin asks "Ah. Let me guess, the first kill is Pendragon?" "Yes." and again, in what appears to be all seriousness "... How much?". But yeah!! The whole thing would just be Merlin playing along to gain his trust and try to find out who's funding this guy, what the ultimate goal is, why he's doing it etc, but he's so good at acting the gang is sat there, gagged and hidden with magic, going "Holy fucking hell, Merlin is about to genuinely accept a bounty on Arthur's head... he's going to try and assassinate Arthur" before of course he gets the information he wants and launches into the whole torturing-him-until-he-tells-him-where-Arthur-is vibe.

And THEN I went back to the original plan of him just killing a bunch of people and being marginally frustrated and annoyed by the whole thing. With the angst at the end. I guess I wanted to show his physical ability at being a badass as well as the mental fortitude and cleverness, but doing both versions in one seemed a bit long. As much as this will probably be a three part series, adding all that extra would've likely added at least one more part, if not two.

Sometimes I regret not going for it, but most of the time I'm happy with the version I did. Let me know! :D

~

Keep 'em coming!!

[hiimsociallyawkward]

the darkest hour pt 1

the destiny and chicken podcast is finally back so I finally started rewatching merlin season 4. so basically i'm just going to make a list of things that I thought about while watching

'rests on the shoulders of a young man'??? PLS BBC

the opening scene in camelot. i just love it so much. tbh i'm kind of in love with all the "inner working" stuff of working in the castle

ok also, is this the first appearance of merlin and his purple shirt????? i love it

HIM IN THE KITCHEN?? GWAINE AND PERCIVAL?? I LOVE THIS.

BRO. LANCELOT. FRICK THIS. I LOVE LANCELOT BUT ALSO JUST SANTIAGO IN GENERAL. I LOVE HIM. I'M GONNA BE SAD IN THE NEXT EPISODE

literally. merlin and arthur are so domestic. can they please no. bro bro bro i'm crying. AS;FDLKJF;ASLKD THERE'S A GIF THAT I'VE BEEN SEEING ON TUMBLR OF ARTHUR LOOKING BASHFUL ESQUE AND HE THROWS HIS QUILL DOWN AND I LOVE IT WHAT THE HECK PLS STOP I'M CRYING

gwen is absolutely perfect. how is angel coulby so pretty. also, her serving the king after everything she'd done to him. wow

morgana and morgause going to the isle of the bless 💀💀

FRICK. YOU. AGRAVAINE. I. D E S P I S E. YOU. PLS. DIE. ALREADY

omg the feast back in camelot. when merlin falls and lancelot is the one who runs after him??? and arthur ?? Idek what kind of reaction that's suppose to be. right off the bat it looks annoyed?? but it could also be 'oh i'm the prince, but also i'm worried that's merlin, jeez keep your composure man. come on now, overcompensate so no one knows how you're actually feeling'

again, it's only lancelot and gaius with merlin after he passes out.

merlin wrapped in a blanket like a little burrito is just 🥰 he's talking about the dorocha but still

also they mentioned samhain and i want to talk about but not here. anyways, i'll get back you to guys on this note.

MERLIN WAKING ARTHUR UP. stop that was so homely and i loved it.

when arthur is comforting the girl who came to camelot because her village was raided?? idk if raided is the right word but that's what i'm going with rn

oh haha when the gang rode out to the girl's village and we get jump scared by the chicken?? yes, yes i did get jump scared by the chicken

gwaine and his apples?? yes pls

i just kept on thinking that the dorocha kept reminding me of dementors. idk it's not exactly the same because dementors sort of suck your happiness and merlin couldn't use magic against the dorocha, but still idk i just felt connection vibes

literally angel is so pretty. and then gwen goes to check on the soldier despite SO MUCh danger?? i love her.

omg when gaius goes "no mortal has ever survived their touch" and i'm just thinking. MERLIN MERLIN MERLIN MERLIN MERLIN. anyways

alskfjalsjfa;sdlkfa when merlin and arthur are in arthur's chambers and the candle rolls away and they're pals. they're actually PALS. like they have some quips here and there but they're honest to god pals and not even arthur can deny that

'definitely not humorless' 'that's because you're not funny' PLS

when pervical saves those children and elyan saves them?? i love them all

ofc arthur is gonna sacrifice himself. freaking savior's complex. 'i love him though' to pieces.

UGHHH 'MY LADY' 'MY LORD' PLS. I ASDJFALSDJFALSDFJ

omg. i hate uther with everything that i am, but still arthur taking to his father and giving him a forehead kiss before he goes off to die?? and uther saying 'don't leave me" "please"??? come on. i'm crying

SLAK;FJSLAJF. idc if you ship merthur i sure as hell do but still. these moments between arthur and gwen and just *golden*. just this whole scene. i love them so much. i love arthur so much.

god this show. having the gang walk in slow mo?? pls spare me

FRICK MY LIFE. when arthur gave agravaine the seal it reminded me of the deleted scene where arthur gives merlin the seal and i just get MAD again that they cut it out. PLS

merlin's whole speech about dying for arthur. i mean, we all knew it was coming but still. and gaius. gaius sucks but still, merlin is practically his son at this point, and gaius just has to let him go and i'm crying

fricken hell the knights in their capes?? i can't handle that they look so noble omg

AHH GWEN AND LANCELOT. FIRST SANTIAGO LOOKS SO GOOD BUT LANCELOT'S SMILE WHEN HE SAYS HER NAME.

until the line where gwen goes 'will you grant me a favor' i completely forgot about this heart wrenching fic that I read. Die for you in secret by @emrysofmagic ?? dude your fic absolutely ripped me to SHREDS and i completely forgot about it until the one line and i PHYSICALLY screamed. good on you you're the best.

anyways. i'm dying at this. when lancelots says he'll protect arthur with his life and that gwen has his promise?? pls.

literally, any scene of just lance and merlin reminds of that fic now. whenever i see lancelot looking at merlin i just think he's pining and i'm crying.

god some of the scene are actually beautiful.

LITERALLY

the knights all working together?? bros being bros

merlin using magic and then doing that little lip quirk half-smile at lancelot is just UGH

aw when merlin insists on getting firewood with arthur and arthur asking if merlin is the right person and merlin saying as if arthur knows what he's talking about when it coming to collecting firewood and the knights LAUGHING?? i love them

just the whole scene of merlin and arthur together

i would parse out individual pieces but tbh just the whole thing

i love it

i love them

the callback line where they think they might've 'gotten on' if things were different?? pls

TOGETHER?? STOP RN

oh god you knew this was coming

merlin throwing himself at the dorocha instead of arthur.

all of them running towards merlin

merlin's FACE

anyways. i'll be back tomorrow to rant more about the darkest hr pt 2 so i'll see you then!