#basically i relate to this post is what I'm trying to say. be normal abt ppl PLEASE

[ajearthlinggg]

exposing you based on your fav will wood/wwatt song (my longest post)

A lot of these have nothing to do with the song. They're basically headcannons lmao. My Blake Jennings is showing

No instrumental chnt except Rhumba sorry

i started this in June enjoy

EIAL

6up 5oh copout: its low hanging fruit to say you hate cops, and I'm taking it. You hate cops.

Skeleton Appreciation whatever the fuck: Covid RUINED you

Front Street: you like Heathers

Aikido!: how's that obsessiveness and inability to let go going?

White Knuckle Jerk: you also like nu metal for the same reason. (Its incredibly horny)

Cover This Song: same as Aikido but only with your exes omg do not text them they are assholes

Thermodynamic Lawyer: PLEASE take time to calm down when you get overstimulated I promise if you don't do anything abt it you will have such a terrible mental breakdown

Red Moon: YOU LISTEN TO MALE MANIPULATOR MUSIC STOP TRYING TO HIDE IT YOU CANT BE IN THE RADIOHEAD CLOSET FOREVER

Lysergide daydream: I honestly do not like this song at all so you get a pass (don't kill me)

The First Step: you're usually quiet but you know how to SCREAM.

Jimmy Mushroom: you're usually quiet but- I'm just kidding. You're always quiet

Chemical Overreaction: you're usually quiet but if- I'm just kidding. You are never quiet

Everything is a lot/dte: insomnia. I dont know why,but insomnia

Self-ish

self/ish: closet theatre kid

2012: fast talker to a not comprehendible level

Cotard Solution: turn off the v-sauce it is 2 am

Mr. Capgras: turn off the 🌽 it is 2 am

The Song With Five Names: you have incredible taste. You can't describe that taste, but hey, its incredible

Hand me my shovel: you were the only talented kid in your elementary music class

Dr. Sunshine is Dead: you love the smell of cigarettes

TNA

Suburbia overture: BPD BPD BPD BPD BPD BPD BPD BPD BPD BPD

222: your English teacher loves you (you're so goddamn gay)

Laplace's Angel: your English teacher hates you. How do I know? Because you can't pronounce anything (its la-plass-es not la-place-is)

i/me/myself: you have to beat off the fake fan allegations with a stick everyday

Wbtta: hey queen. How are those hyperfixations going

Outliars and hyppocrates: you spell the title wrong every. damn. time.

bbw: same as 2012 but holy shit triple it.

Marsha, thankk you: dyslexia and ADHD

Love, me normally: I get it. I'm not even gonna expose you. You already have it bad enough

Momento Mori: you are just SO quirky! (knives whisper things to you when you hold them)

Icimi

Tomcat Disposables: you'd shove photos of your pets in your friends faces even if they were dangling off a bridge

Becoming the last names: you either have wonderful parents in a happy relationship or your parents have been divorced for years and you will never relate to this song

Cicada Days: stop using self deprecating humor around the wrong people PLEASE

Euthanasia: this song is a masterpiece I have nothing to say about you.

Falling Up: WONDERFUL TASTE. AMAZING CHOICE. NO RECOLLECTION OF YOUR CHILDHOOD.

That's enough: you love Alex g you just don't know it yet

Um its kind of a lot: you either already love Scott pilgrim or it will happen. Its a canon event

Half decade hangover: omg twinn!! I have an addictive personality, too!

(I feel like this is a good time to say don't take these too seriously)

You liked this: ...what?

The main character: you can't relate to the song, you hate yourself

Sdrr: IF I SEE ONE MORE PERSON TAKING THIS SONG SUPER SERIOUSLY IM GONNA LOSE MY SHIT YDHZJABXV

Bfb: ur just a silly lil guy

Willard!: you're a therian. There is no human explanation to this.

white noise: you love pink floyd you just don't know it yet

Atkf: HOW TF DID I FORGET THIS ONE anyways you get bad habits (nail biting, staying up too late. Etc)

CHNT

Yes to err: you are still waiting for chnt season 2 BC you want to see what happens with Adam

Your body, my temple: I have a strong feeling you have a tummy ache right now

Venetian Blind Man: you love nobody sexually you just don't know it yet (this is a very ace choice idk why)

Rhumba of Death: you LOVE Halloween

When Somebody Needs You: Tyler the Creator is probably your favorite rapper

Live

Trww

Self/ish: You can't sleep if your room has the SLIGHTEST amount of light in it

10-4 6-up: unlike the original, you don't just hate cops, you hate anybody who can tell you what to do (your teachers are probably just trying to do their job. please)

Cotards Solution: you can't sleep without background noise

Dr Sunshine Lives!: You never get sick physically (mentally on the other hand...)

Where do you get off: omg the horniest of the horny. Gerard Way on stage levels of horny. Nine Inch Nails levels of horny. (Or you really like Umbrella Academy idk why)

Aikido: you can't relate to it. You hate everybody

Take a break grab some water this is getting long

Thermodynamic Lawyer: you have gotten kicked out of restaurants because of how loud you are

Front Street: WE GET IT. IT'S BETTER THAN THE ORIGINAL.

Wasting away again: I am so sorry holy shit

Hand me my (x), I'm (y): you suck at algebra

The First Step: you wish you could do the AUGHHHHHHHH

2012: severe social anxiety

Mr capgras: literally the opposite of 2012 (live)

Chemical Overreaction: you know so many random fun facts

Fibrodysplasia: I'm not even gonna talk about your mental issues because I will be banned from this app (which is pretty much impossible)

Icid

Cicada Days: you also get a pass fuck I'm so sorry

The main character okay you ACTUALLY can relate to it

Icimi: OMG I LOVE YOU

atkf: you cry every day even if you aren't sad

Becoming the last names: please don't become a Disney adult

Vampire ref: LISTEN TO MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE I KNOW YOU'VE BEEN PUTTING IT OFF AND IK YOU LOVE HOT VAMPIRE MUSIC

Half decade hangover: oh my god talk to somebody it'll be okay I'm so sorry

Tsw5n: you love the way he says "what the fuck"

Euthanasia: once again, ANOTHER PASS. IM SO SORRY I HOPE YOU'RE OKAY

Jimmy Mushrooms: You. Me. Marriage. Now.

Laplaces Angel: you listen to LitWTC

i/me/myself: you were trying to separate yourself from the normal i/me/myself fans

The first step: idk why but you REALLY like lemonade

skeleton appreciation day: you can NOT play any instrument

tomcat disposables: you love concept albums

White noise: unlike cotards, you need to sleep in SILENCE

Love me normally: arctic monkeys. that's all I have to say. idk what about them but, yeah

misanthrapologist: GAY QUEER LGBT HOMOSEXUAL FRUITY ZESTY ROMANTICALLY ATTRACTED TO PEOPLE OF THE SAME GENDER

Falling up: wonderful taste once again please don't become a Disney adult

thats enough let's get you home: you say "YIPPIE!!" a lot

And if I did: god made you shy because he knew if you weren't you would be unstoppable

[crimeronan]

im a teenager with seasonal depression and a shitty fatigue causing disability and adhd currently still in highschool and: the way you talk abt minors right to autonomy, and How School Sucks, and everything related to that is. The Most Soothing Shit i hear all day. like. reading some of your posts abt how Good graduating early and being a Problem Child was for you was So Damn Calming.

most ppl immediately go to sooth me with the "but you Are smart, and you just need to try harder!! your life isnt entirely ruined today :) just go to school tomorrow and be Good and Learn and you'll be fineee. you aren't one of the bad ones, Dont Worry :))" and that makes me. invent new types of panic attacks and neuroses on the spot.

but having an Actual Adult whos like "no. school can infact be the fucking Torture pit for some people and it is So Utterly Fucked Up how Anyone can make you do Anything, actually. you arent a bad or damaged person this is Normal and your value isnt dependant on Schooliness. do whatever makes you least likely to kill yourself. you dont owe them shit, especially not being Good. be a problem, take up space."

is. genuinely the nicest thing Ever. to me. like. Makes me Kinda Want To Cry nicest thing ever. anyway yea. thanks for that.

ahh, this is lovely to hear. but i'm so sorry you're going through this.

i remember being in high school in 2011 when the gay teen suicides were national headlines, and everyone had Opinions on it, and the "it gets better" trend was everywhere, and -- while those videos did do a lot of good!! -- they just kind of made me more furious?? because i was so mad at all these adults basically saying, "yeah, high school is an institutional pit of death and horror, but eventually you'll be 18!!" i was like hey. Help Us Now.

it was actually the song "make it stop" by rise against that gave me any peace or sense of belonging, because. here was a band i loved full of straight dudes (as far as i know, anyway) who were just fucking MAD. they were righteously angry!! they gave a fuck what was happening!! and lyrics like "the gatherings hold candles but not their tongues" rang SO true to me, as someone who was dealing with endless "oh, so sad he died, but there was something wrong with his brain" discourse.

the memory of that has made it REALLY easy to hold onto my anger in adulthood. because sometimes kids don't need "it'll be fine, just hang on :)" they need "you're gonna be okay, but FUCK ALL THIS."

it's truly fucking Unconscionable to do what we do even to neurotypical, able-bodied teens with good home lives. i want to say i can't imagine being a teen with chronic fatigue and ADHD going to classes eight hours a day.... but i can!! i did that!! and almost died!!

i honestly think the lack of autonomy in the US school system is traumatic For Everybody. different levels of trauma, for sure! but i think that's part of why adults seem so disconnected from our teen years and can't remember the realities of being an adolescent. we overwrite the horrors.

the good news is: it Does get better after school. astonishingly so.

in the meantime: you don't owe anyone Anything. literally your only job right now is to survive. do whatever you need to do to not kill yourself or end up in jail. don't worry about anything else. i promise it Does Not Matter As Much As People Say It Does.

[five-thousand-loaves-of-bread]

Hi. I read your post about being an "unreliable narrator" of your own life and I am having Feelings about it.

You said at the end to not respond with "relatable" if not friend/mutual etc. and so I am not doing that.

I am here to say Thank You, because you have given me a new way to describe an experience that I sometimes have.

Of course, my experience is very, very small compared to yours. I can pass as "normal" if I want to.

But still, you shared "Unreliable Narrator of Own Life", and so I would like to share "Executive Function Burnout" with you in return.

Thank you so much for sharing. Really. We are not the same, because no two people are really the same, but I see myself in you, and because I love myself and want myself to be happy, I also want the same things for you.

You are welcome to use "Executive Function Burnout" as a way to explain a thing.

I know words are hard sometimes (not always, but sometimes), so:

Executive = Decision Maker

Function = Capacity

Burnout = Used Up

I like finding connections between words, and translating complicated words into simple words.

I hope you have good rest, whatever that looks like for you. And I'm sorry I put so many words here.

Thank you for sharing. 💜

hey so. you nice about it so do appreciate, n think this problem caused by me not realize need elaborate what count as “say relate,” so that on me, n you tried respect that based on your interpretation, so am also gonna try be calm n nice about it

(tone tag is not mad. i think. well, if am mad it not your responsibility worry abt it)

by “don’t say relate” not just mean don’t say word “relate.” mean include saying anything that can be see as relating—say we similar, borrowing words, say see self in me, etc.

because often am describing level of severity that, unless you also go through, people don’t realize can affect that basic of thing. so people misunderstand to mean something milder. n that frustrate me because am try best to explain self as clear n work with communication disabilities. n history of be speak over by people…. for lack better term less severe in community.

now, don’t know how you (both actual you + general you for non mutuals) actually experience, don’t know how you actually understand. maybe you actually understand perfectly severity + actual experience. am have no way knowing unless know you more. and exact because have no way know unless that, n majority of people have met who do this don’t actually understand n experience, just ask people am not familiar with in general, not to tell me if they feel similar, if they relate.

to illustrate.

“burnout” very very. so very different from what am experiencing what am describe. have been very adamant in “do not call me burnout” because been repeat instances. if you not follow me for while, may not know that. n that okay not know! is why say “don’t say relate,” to prevent me see that.

& “executive function/dysfunction”, in way neurodivergent community typically think n talk about term, not describe what am experiencing.

n reason why say “don’t say relate” is, am can’t control how you feel. you (general you) can’t even control how you feel. can only ask you not do action. so ask you not do action. “relate all you want just don’t tell me.” kind of thing

again, do appreciate you be nice. n do appreciate you mean well, n want give me something in return. misunderstanding from miscommunication n that okay. hope you good day.

may borrow some of what wrote here into new post explain what meant by “not say relate if mutual / friend who experience this”, & why. please know it not target at you, you not only one, it something been thinking about do for while because it kinda unusual.

[deeply-unserious-fellow]

Something I don't like about a lot of Vox takes I see is that they tend to portray Vox as someone who's unpleasant to work with and has weird ideas about what partnership means when really... he's not? He's not and he doesn't. It's just that two of the most prominent interactions we've seen him have are with Valentino(who is a fucking NIGHTMARE to work with) and Alastor(a man he has undisclosed, deeply emotional history with). But everyone seems to discount his OTHER important relationship: Velvette. Which by all accounts, is INCREDIBLY normal.

Like, yeah, their first interaction opens with her yelling at him, but that's less about Vox himself and more about Valentino. As they keep talking throughout the first bit of the episode, she starts calming down, and they just seem to genuinely get along? She has every right to look upset during Stayed Gone because Vox is being really weird and she's nOT THE ONE WHO ACTIVELY ENCOURAGED HIM TO DO THIS SHIT(staring directly at Val rn), but even then during the meeting after Stayed Gone she does actually. Participate. Unlike s o m e people. Despite being on her phone the whole time(which is literally her job-), she actually pays attention and contributes real ideas! Which tbh she didn't have to do at ALL like she did not have to put up w/ Vox's bs in RKtVS the way she did. There's also their phone call during the overlord meeting which, while I definitely think Vel was playing it up to annoy Carmilla, still sounded like a conversation between two ppl who genuinely like and respect eachother!

No matter what you think their relationship is(romantic, platonic, etc...), Vox and Velvette seem to get along REALLY well(outside of Alastor-related incidents). Like, better than either of them do with literally anybody else in the show. Vox & Val do LIKE eachother, but I find whatever the fuck is going on beneath the after the battles & masterless cattles to be DEEPLY upsetting to think about for too long(ex; any of my other posts abt their relationship), and the only other interactions we've seen either Vox or Vel have are Stayed Gone & Respectless, which are literally just song battles. Both of their only interactions outside of the Vees have been song battles. Aw fuck I'm getting off topic... BACK TO THEIR RELATIONSHIP AS COLLEAGUES- okay uh basically, I don't think they would get along this well if Vox was a terrible person to work with(note I said WORK WITH. Hate that I need to specify this but I don't think Vox is a good person overall, just a good business partner). I think Velvette is generally a good bench mark for both Vox & Valentino's relationships with other characters because she's their equal, their friend, and isn't in a weird toxic relationship with either of them. Their interactions with her provide a window into how they just generally interact with people. And based off of their interactions, Vox seems to be actually pretty decent to work with when he isn't being Actively Provoked for shits and giggles or trying to sooth the tantrum of a man child. Also when he views you as an equal and doesn't own your soul that helps too.

Edit: Hiiiiiiii just here to say that now, in the light of day, I don't really agree with everything I've said in this post? I wrote it at midnight while like half asleep so my ability to consider the fact that. We barely know anything about either Vox or Velvette at this point in time. Was kind of impaired I think. Cuz we really don't. I do stand by everything I said about their relationship to EACHOTHER, and I stand by the idea that we should take that dynamic into consideration for character analysis more often, but everything else I'm a little iffy on and I just woke up like an hour ago so my brains still a little fuzzy & I can't explain exactly WHY I'm iffy on it, but just know that I think the conclusion I drew is a bit of a leap in logic at the very least and I recognize that now lol

[dragonmarquise]

I was reading through some of your tags for the post and some of them caught my eye, specifically when you were talking Abt the ref and Felix thing. Why do you get angry Abt it????/gen I'm not trying to be rude, I'm generally all around New to the fandom and I wanna know why-

Okay so!! Honestly this is a fair question to ask, because anyone particularly new to the fandom or even the game in general isn’t going to know the whole context about this situation.

Short(ish) summary (also spoilers of course!): In the postgame, Red still appears at cypher spots, even though going by the story Red and Felix are the same person, and the red cyberhead was destroyed by the end of the game. Taking it at face value, some people interpret it as Red somehow coming back as a separate person from Felix. Which is a cool AU idea imo!

Unfortunately, a decent amount of people have a heavy preference towards Red over Felix, usually either because they’re too used to Red from playing as him for most of the game, or even because they see Felix as ugly/unattractive in comparison.

So then those people tend to use that AU as a way to replace Felix, basically (in my mind at least) throwing out Felix’s character development from the game in favor of Red. When from the canon story’s perspective, they’re the same damn person anyways. And like, I just find that really rude towards him, and I say this as a person who enjoys that AU too, though evidently in a different way from what other people are doing. D:

Longer rant with more details/complaints under the cut:

There are a few different variants of this AU, just to list a few scenarios:

Red is actually a somehow revived Faux, basically using the red cyberhead to hide his identity. Why he does this can vary: him wanting to actual repent for what happened and trying to start doing so by hiding his real identity, or even just hiding himself as he plots to get revenge on Felix and the rest of BRC.

Red is a copy (either complete or partial) of Felix’s mind during the time he spent stuck in the red cyberhead. Basically that converting the red cyberhead to preserve Felix’s head didn’t remove all of the systems/internals related to a normal cyberhead’s functions. The idea being maybe the Flesh Prince had to do a rush job due to needing to keep Felix’s head preserved as quickly as possible to prevent too much rotting/memory loss. Thus some systems are still there, reading Felix’s mind and later result in Red once the red cyberhead is put back together. I will admit I did talk about this scenario in a previous post of mine!

A fun one from a friend of mine: Red still existing turns out to be because a player of the actual BRC game managed to get isekai’d into the world, with them somehow getting put into a newly revived Red as his new "AI" mind. Then having to navigate the world and maybe even befriend BRC, trying to also convince them that he’s not suspicious (especially given his knowledge of the events of the game). Also dealing with how actually moving around and doing things as a writer firsthand is WAY different from just doing it in a video game, lol

Another one from a different friend: Red is “revived” by the Flesh Prince as a new lacky. Though it’s not “Red” from the game, he just found Faux’s old body and then put a completely new cyberhead on it with a basic AI, declaring it his new minion. Shenanigans ensue, probably. :P

But the one that a decent amount of people seem to prefer: Red being the one to experience most if not all of the game, connecting with the rest of BRC and becoming friends. Felix recovering his memories is still a thing here, and him basically taking the reigns once the endgame starts to defeat Faux for good. But then after that it’s revealed Felix still doesn’t have much of a friendship with the others, because it turned out that was all Red, as a separate mind/AI/etc. from Felix. So then in this version of the AU, Red is part of BRC because of the connections he made, while Felix leaves and goes back to being a solo writer because his only connection to BRC was them helping him recover his memories. It’s using Red as a complete replacement for Felix, even though canonically they’re the same person anyways.

And like… ultimately people will do whatever they want with AUs and stuff like this, I can’t force people to stop what they’re doing or agree with the criticisms I have here. And I will admit, I used to like the last point in a “WHOA that’d be a pretty cool twist!!” way, but then later thinking on it more, and realizing… no, actually, this feels like a shitty thing to do to the narrative, especially to poor Felix.

His whole thing is like!! He was friends but also rivals with DJ Cyber and Faux, until eventually going solo for All City, and even admitting he prefers to work alone. We don’t get details on why he feels that way, but we can imagine a ton of ideas for it: he has more of an ego than he lets on? He didn’t want DJ Cyber or Faux to get hurt during the path to All City, so he decides to just go for it by himself? He still genuinely thinks of them as his friends, but overall he’s generally a more aloof loner kind of person and that’s why he went solo? There’s a bunch of options!

Regardless of his reasons, he went solo for All City. He had a one night graffiti session with Faux afterwards, maybe to just check on him and catch up. But otherwise to me it implies there weren’t going to be too many more sessions like these in the future, be it with Faux or anyone else.

And then, Faux kills him. Faux’s own motivations for that are also another fascinating potential for cool fics/AUs/etc. But that’s maybe for another post. :P

Anyways! Felix is dead, but manages to get preserved and eventually revived as Red. Early on in the game, I believe right at the beginning of Chapter 2, Red decides to go up against DJ Cyber in order to find out about his own forgotten roots. And he actually starts to go off by himself, until Tryce stops him! Then Tryce tells him they’re doing this together as a crew, and the way I see it, Red is probably going, “Wait, you… want to still help me? Even if it means fighting against a guy like DJ Cyber? Really??”

Because! Again, my own interpretation, Red doesn’t have all his memories back, but I think Felix’s personality is still there, just subconsciously, y’know? “I gotta do this on my own, can’t rely on anyone else, don’t want others to get hurt because of me” etc. So this is imo one of the first big steps in Felix’s character development that I feel is going on throughout the game: learning that it’s okay to have your friends help you, and to help them out in return, sticking together until the very end and even beyond that!

I mean, just saying, Tryce and Bel join in with Vinyl and DJ Cyber to keep Mech!Faux open for a final attack during his boss fight. That’s some serious friendship right there, willing to put yourself on the line for a friend!!

So then, to basically say, “No, most/all of that was actually just Red, and Red and Felix are separate people so Felix doesn’t need to stick around with BRC anymore” is like…

Okay, pardon my language here, but it’s effectively throwing out Felix’s whole character arc, and frankly it’s fucking insulting towards him!! Guy has the power of badass friendship and hella illegal graffiti on his side, and some people wanna rip that away from him?! Come the fuck on!!

And to emphasize, I used to like this idea as like, an amazing didn’t-see-it-coming twist. But then thinking on it more, it just really isn’t fair to Felix! At all! Especially since I really do think he has an interesting character arc, going from insisting on doing things solo, to gaining new friends and going All City a second time with, in his words, “a whole crew of the best homies around”.

Literally, he says that at the hideout in the postgame! I’m kinda paraphrasing based on memories, but that’s actually what he says more or less.

Also, a lot of people in the fandom seem to really enjoy this AU specifically as a way to replace Felix with Red in their minds/headcanons/stories. Some of them just ended up very attached to Red because of playing as him for most of the game anyways. Which, y’know, that’s reasonable at least! But then for others, they latch onto this AU because of having a genuine dislike (and in some cases, outright hatred) towards Felix.

From my observations and experiences, if it’s not because they got too attached to Red, it’s mostly rooted in people not finding Felix “attractive”. That’s it, possibly the most selfish fucking reason a person could have for wanting to forcefully throw out a character’s development, like what the hell man.

imo it also reeks of a problem that some other fandoms tend to have: dissing more masculine men in the cast, in favor of the more feminine/twink men. Some people may debate on whether Red/Faux would count as a twink, especially with how the term has been watered down recently (fun fact, it was meant to be mainly used in an LGBT+ context, so specifically for LGBT+ men who fit the appearance!!). But, I hope people reading this get the idea of what I’m trying to point out here. :/

Another thing about how people are trying to use Red to replace Felix: they treat this AU like it’s canon, or that they think it should be canon. Even though it’s not, that’s the point of calling it an AU!! Like I mentioned way earlier, I’m not going to stop anyone from going into this sort of AU, even if I personally have criticism for it if it’s handled in a certain way. But what I’m not going to let slide is people trying to force an AU to be considered canon and the way it should be.

The point of an AU is to have fun with possibilities, not try to reject and replace the original canon completely!! D:

Anyways, this is uh. Pretty long as is. So I want to wrap up with at least what I personally like about the potential for a “Red comes back as a separate person” AU. Which is evidently very different from what most people enjoy about that kind of AU.

I mentioned this in my old post I linked to earlier in this post, but basically: Red is not used as a replacement for Felix, but he exists alongside him and the rest of BRC. They could even become like brothers to one another. Red being the “younger” brother who is (quite literally) new to life and wants to go out there and explore and experience all the good stuff, even in a chaotic way. And then Felix being the “older” brother, still being chill like he was before, yet also more responsible and cautious because of what he went through, thus wanting to make sure Red is safe and sort of be his mentor through these things. Felix maybe even feels like he's the main reason Red is here at all, so then he feels responsible with guiding Red and making sure he turns out alright, y'know?

… At least, that’s more or less what I would want to aim for. Them coexisting and even getting more character development for the both of them! I would take more about the specifics of how this would all work. But I do have fan fics and other stuff I want to do someday to share those ideas more. Thus I will stop here for today, hopefully I will be able to get around to those fan fics and stuff in the future! Maybe.

So yeah, that about wraps up my thoughts on this topic? I probably came off as too hostile at some points, sorry about that. It’s just, I think this particular version of the AU is especially frustrating when it’s coming from people who are clearly only using it to replace the “ugly” Felix with the more “attractive” Red. Sometimes it’s subtle, other times it’s more obvious, but either way it’s just damn annoying for me at this point. :(

[cupcakerias]

roy for the list thingy pretty pls!!!! (ur super cool btw >:3)

AWWWW THANK YOU i’m glad you think this blog is cool 🥹 it’s my favorite blog of mine i’m really proud of it… i don’t wanna waste time being sappy tho soooooo

roy🍕

fave thing about them: oh my god i like everything about roy lol. i admire roy so much. his personality is hilarious. like he’s a coward and apathetic at the same time. it’s so relatable. a lot of people may think that’s a total contradiction but if you’re a true #sufferer you’ll get it. also when he gets super pissed at willow/james for rear-ending his car it’s so funny. i think roy should be allowed to be an asshole sometimes he deserves it. also he’s the only chef who doesn’t smile at the beginning of the day in the original pizzeria THAT’S SO DAMN FUNNY but he’s happy sometimes too and that’s cute to see in the promo art (i specifically like that one christmas artwork with papa and joy and the gingerbread apartment it’s SO CUTE) anyways yay #peaceandloveonplanetearth

his design is one of my favorites. i love the pizzeria uniform AND i love his B style it looks so casual and it’s JARRING because when you see roy you never assume he’s just chilling. but that’s why it’s so funny. literally half of his B style is still work clothes. also read this old ass forum post it makes this even funnier

also i kinda like how he has an established family. idk if it’s apparent yet but i always end up thinking more abt family dynamics rather than ship ones… i don’t mean to favor that over romance bcuz i love shipping as well but IDK that’s just how my brain works. he has a cool ninja older sister and a weird ass uncle and i think it’s funny how he’s like the only average one of the bunch. lol 👍

also his orders are really good it’s like flipline understood the assignment with roy every single time. they never forgot…. also since he likes valentines most of the time most of his orders look super cute LOL i love that

least fave thing about them: there is not a single bone in my body that hates roy. you could not make me hate roy. never ever everrrrrr

brOTP: JOYYYYY i think they have a good relationship. i see interps of them not getting along which makes me kinda sad 🥲 but it’s a totally valid interp anyway so i try not to care especially if the fanwork isn’t focused on them anyways lol. idk roy has “fond memories” of being with joy (mentioned in her flipdeck) and she even “lovingly” based her kart off of her “dearest brother” LOL. also they both like berries and teriyaki and cookies and possibly other stuff as well and i just think it’s so funny how their taste is almost the same sometimes except for like a few things lol. i’ll have to look at that again but it’s such a pain in the ass cuz ninjoy and joy orders are separated on the flipline wiki LOL

OTP: so basically i see roy as the boring dating sim protag so i like ship him with like way too much people 😭😭😭 fave is probz roy x allan tho

nOTP: i can’t believe i have to say this but joy and papa louie 😓

random headcanon: i think he’s a really good cook in general and he could probably take over every other restaurant if he wanted to. but he DOESN’T want to. i think he has no idea what he wants to do so he just goes around and helps papa louie all day lol

i actually think he is well-liked by most customers because they don’t think he’s a gloomy dude, they just think he’s the brutally-honest reality check type of guy which is actually fun to have around LOL. he probably just thinks everyone hates him cuz of anxiety XD

he has “normie anime protagonist who is born into a family of greatness” energy basically

unpopular opinion: he doesn’t COMPLETELY hate his job he’s just kinda just doesn’t care abt it lol. he likes it when people enjoy his food and he takes pride in that. he’s like “GOD i can’t take it anymore i’m gonna quit” but the next minute he’s like “This is great. I'm going to get a good grade in pizza, something that is both normal to want and possible to achieve,” lol

fave picture of them: too much LMAO but probably this holiday picture cuz i think the tracksuit/hoodie (?) looks nice over the uniform and he is smiling :) awwww how nice!

shout out to this one from the pizzeria DX ad on youtube tho i use it at a reaction image all the time now 😍

[qwertzze]

Saw this like 9 hours ago, at least according to ibis paint. Sorry that I'm doing this through a reblog pou. Sorry for the notif as well. Love you loads

Decided it's time to redesign RttRT final 7 and incorporate it with my main ASAOP storyline thingf

Sorry abt all the free space, I was originally going to fill it with ranting but I wanted to keep all the story stuff to the text in this post in the same vein as my last ASAOP dump

Coming back to explain the subtext in my brain of RttRT x ASAOP bc that should probably actually go first

I think RttRT would've happened first, a show that went smoothly without hitches and ended after one season. Not all that spectacular, but has a small following. The final 7 from RttRT were then invited to compete in ASAOP, at which point, the big incident unfortunately happened (I'll explain at some point but I am far too tired rn)

Starting off with the host because I have a lot to say about her. She's the rock tumbler in the bottom left, and the titular character

Disclaimer for anything I say relating to actual rocks/rock tumblers, my mother is the one who's more interested in tumbling/rock facts whereas I just collect

Hosts being otherworldly in nature and basically all powerful is overlooked most of the time, and I think that's a shame because it could be a really good point for dynamics/lore.

I unfortunately don't have a design for the ASAOP host, but one of the thoughts bouncing around in my head has been that hosts are seen as a kind of God, like how Gods pick a side in wars in mythology but to a much lesser extent. Basically, playing around with object life through pitting them against each other in life changing challenges that most often put them through multiple deaths. Hosts seeing normal objects as playthings really scratches an itch of my brain that I usually keep to my non osc characters, but I can't help but do here

Some are more benevolent than others, just wanting to observe, while others will directly antagonize. I think Darcy (name pending, but the host of RttRT) would be more indifferent, basically doing it just to experience hosting a show herself and

More Darcy specific, her eyes are the numbers, and she might communicate through just rotating her uhh compartment thing (would ask my mother what it's called, but she's at a quinceanera til midnight) in a sort of rythmic pattern to communicate emotion more than words. The buttons, as opposed to what a normal rock tumbler's buttons would do, would probably do things like revive/teleport contestants, show votes (OH OH THOUGHT, HER EYES COULD DO THAT THOUGH AHUGH), and generally stuff of that nature. The power button stays the same, and I may tie that into another idea I had a while back, which is having 🐝 be a host bounty hunter

Fool's Gold/Pyrite, and the order of elimination for the final 7. Since when I first designed them I only made 7, I decided that the in story reason for that is that they're the finalists/the folks who join ASAOP after RttRT takes place

So green/Quartz is 7th place, and from there, you can see Fool was in the final two. Fool takes this very personally that they didn't win, as they'd done a lot of horrid things to try and win. After BA won, he didn't see a use for the fake crown thing, so he gave it to Fool to hold onto. Might be a bit of hate-romance there, just bc I'm a sucker for interpersonal relationships with ambiguous feelings that the characters have a hard time figuring out, let alone communicating

Furthermore, I think a minor plotpoint could've been that BA and Fool were in an alliance, making their bond/betrayal(?) more present

General design things for these bugs because it's hard to read what I wrote and I have just a bit more to say

FG/P: my main design process for them was thinking about the fool's gold I used to own before that bitch stole it way back when I was in elementary. Obv, I know the color is far too vibrant(?), and they're much too round (which I tried amending a bit), but it's all for fun. Already spoke on the crown, don't have much else to say

RC: tall & nervous, great combo, easy for me to write. Right now, a lot of the RttRT 7 are just archetypes, but I like it that way (+ it's the osc way). I gave them yellow stripes on their legs, which is to represent scars from picking. This is another self projection thing, but I want to depict characters with my own mental health issues, so.

The bow is a fun little element I just added to give the design a bit more detail. (Something I think would really help my designs more is little bits of clothing like that, but I'm not the most consistent artist). I lloooovvved doing the highlights here. I've had rock candy several times before, and it's great, but I know candy's design is very inaccurate to that. Whimsy!!

PR (F): the little fringe of the wrapper really reminded me of jester apparel when I was drawing it, so I made sure to give it an inward bend to further that. The redesigns really helped motivate me here, esp with this one. The one for PR is my fav!!!!!!! I don't feel quite like I did them justice, but I think it's better than before

Q: Jeez, a lot of this is my own personal bias. One of my names that a lot of people still call me is Quartz, my objectsona was a quartz before it was a clipboard, and I have bottles upon bottles of it. The aforementioned sona was put into this a lot, but having it be green helped me differentiate them. One-eyed quartz is now canon, I just. I don't know why. I don't even have an explanation for it after deciding to do it. Colors are directly lifted, but I wanted to give more texture to their base. I think it might be moss & rock, but that's basically my excuse for why it's so green

BA: sunglasses are bc they're on vacation after winning, I wanted to give them a scarf to match/cover their band as a kind of "incognito disguise" joke for their celebrity life, but I wanted to draw them in base outfit for color/ref purposes. Not a lot has changed, but their impurity/fused rock became just a little protrusion through lens of redesign

P & SS: together because they match in color/accessory. Bowtie/normal tie buddies, again, not a lot has changed other than my exaggeration of Pebble's shape

I don't know how to properly end this off other than to say thank you to anyone reading and sorry for my lack of art recently to the 68 of those following. Also, 68 followers!!!! Big milestone, (for me at least), considering I was celebrating like 21 notes very recently

Question skills go! (Sorry if any of these have been asked before I'm curious and too groggy to scroll) -

Do you have a favorite rock or type of rock?

When was the last time you ate Swedish Fish?

Favorite flavor of chapstick?

Go-to color when sketching other than black?

Rrfggh uh,, do you like shipping in the osc, and if so what's your favorite ship/opinion on MintyMath hfjone?

What was the first object show you watched through all the way and/or what introduced you to the osc?

While I'm here, I know that post where you ask for objects to doodle was in mmay but I'm. I'm here now, and while I'm here I have objects,, very optional, I was first and foremost here to just show support. Awesome to talk to awesome people

My main bugs and a few that don't have a place in the story/are one offs from me. Doodling them is not required and not even expected from me, part of this is just me practicing sharing rambles/characters with people

Love you. You you're so. The uhh endorphins. Stop drugging me with your animations.

Remember to hydrate yourself and take care otherwise!!

hello!!! i love all the questions so heres my answers for each one!!!

i love igneous rocks! specifically a'a, a type of volcanic rock found pretty commonly where i live! i dont really remember the last time i had them, probably a couple months back i got some from some sort of store LOL but they are very good i dunno... probably cherry or sum, i havent used chapstick in like years so i cant remember i actually dont sketch for my art, i just go straight into lineart (probably a sin), the only time ive sketched is in AJPW, where opacity doesnt exist, so i use purple usually for that LOL im not huge into shipping, i liked pillowbook for a while, but other than that i dont know many ships or really mind them all too much! for the ship, i havent seen it before, but i dont mind it!! seems neat! the first shows i watched when i joined the osc were the basic ones (bfdi/bfb), and also object filler (again) by diamondcup57!!

thanks for the awesome questions, also, love ur ocs!!! i tried drawing them, plus my own little rock guy i made based off the rock guys! -^ ^-

prob my longest post on here! wow

[thedanoriddler]

I rlly need some fluff rn. I need to know how Edward would feel abt an S/O with really bad periods, because i have those and need MF FLUFF GALORE. Like how would he react when they say "i'm on my period." because I doubt the orphanage did anything.

Not to be gross but YES, I’m on my period right now 😭💀 (I’m just at the end though 🥲)

Warnings: This whole post is about periods, so AFAB reader, but I’ve tried to avoid using specific gendered terms or pronouns just in case!

🩸Edward and S/O on their period🩸

I really doubt the orphanage was teaching the kids about periods or even that it had enough products for any of the older kids getting their periods, so apart from the basic sex education at school, I doubt Edward is that knowledgable about periods

You and Eddie are supposed to be going on a date one night when your period arrives - and of course you also get the full on cramps and soreness to go with it! Because of course that would happen when you’re about to go on a date with him 😭

He arrives at your place, it’s not your first date together but he’s still super nervous and worried he’s going to mess up, and is confused when you open the door and you’re wearing dark sweatpants and are just in general not looking particularly ready to go on a date. “I’m… so sorry, did I get the wrong day?” He asks, looking anxious

You could cry at how unfair it is - you had really been looking forward to your date with Eddie, you’d had a crush on him for so long, and now he was at your place because you’d been so crippled by the cramps that you hadn’t had the chance to text him yet.

“I’m so sorry,” you apologise profusely, trying not to double over in pain as another cramp hits you. “I… I meant to text you or something, but… can we maybe reschedule to next week or something?”

He looks kind of sad as he asks if he’s done something wrong, and you shake your head quickly. “No, no, it’s nothing like that… I just…” And you debate for a moment whether you should tell him the truth, or whether it would just freak him out. Another cramp hits you and try to hide your wince as you wrap an arm around your middle. “I’m having… you know. Monthly problems.”

You thought that’d be enough to explain and that he’d hopefully understand - instead, he tilts his head and looks even more perplexed. “Monthly problems? What… What monthly problems? Is it money related, because I can pay for our date, I don’t mind…”

You’re about to explain that it’s not about money, maybe try to give another hint that you’re on your period without saying it outright, when you feel the most painful cramp so far hit you and you can’t stop yourself from wincing

The second he sees you’re in pain, Eddie rushes in through the door of the apartment to be by your side, like “oh my god, (y/n), are you okay?!?”, and he’s genuinely concerned that you’re hurt or something as he puts his arm around you

“I’m fine,” you grit out, even though you’re in fact not fine and you’re struggling not to cry from both the pain and the embarrassment. “Eddie, really, you don’t need to stay, it’s…” But he’s frowning as he closes the door and leads you towards the couch, concerned even during his confusion, because “no, I want to help!”

As you sit down, you decide you’ve just got to be blunt about it. “I’m sorry,” you mutter again. “It’s my… my period, I get really bad cramps and…” you grit your teeth and resist the urge to curl up into a ball while he’s still here. “I’ll be fine, you don’t need to stay”

Eddie, meanwhile, is wide-eyed but still sort of not sure; he knows what periods are, in the most obvious sense, but he doesn’t know that much about them beyond the fact it’s monthly bleeding. “Are they… are they supposed to hurt?” He questions, mildly concerned about the fact you’re in pain. “Is that normal?”

You wonder if he’s being serious for a moment before deciding, yes, of course he is, this is Eddie so of course he’s serious. “Yeah, cramps… cramps usually happen. But mine, they… they really fucking hurt.”

Despite telling him he’s free to go home, he probably doesn’t want to be around for your time of the month, Eddie insists on staying with you and starts asking if he can do anything to help, literally anything; you can barely move because you’re in so much pain, so you tentatively ask him if he could make you a cup of tea or something, to try to help ease your cramps. He’s on it so fast!

When he comes back from the kitchen with your tea, he also has some water and painkillers - you’re not even going to question the fact he went through your cupboards for painkillers, you’re just grateful he’s clearly doing his best to help

When he asks if you need anything else - “literally, anything, (Y/N)” - you try to tell him again that he doesn’t need to, you know most guys are super grossed out by periods and you don’t want to put Eddie off of dating you, but he’s adamant he stays to make sure you’re okay

He’s just so attentive??? He takes his coat off and sits on the couch with you, asking if you’d like to watch anything on the television, do you need a blanket, more water, anything to eat etc. He has absolutely no idea what he’s doing but he’s trying his best anyway!

At one point he starts telling you riddles to try and take your mind off of it, and even though you’re in too much pain to really focus on riddles, you’re grateful anyway because it’s clear he really wants to help

He gets a little red in the face when you mention you have to go to the bathroom to “change” whatever sanitary product you’re using, but he doesn’t react beyond that, he just excuses himself to make you more tea while you do what you gotta do

As time passes and you’ve been in a relationship with each other longer, he gets more used to the fact it happens once a month and always makes sure he has your favourite snacks or drinks on hand to help you through it

I like to think Eddie might run you warm baths, he’ll give you privacy obviously to take them, but he’s looked it up online that warm baths help ease cramps

He always makes sure you’re all stocked up on painkillers and sanitary products, like you think “wait I haven’t actually bought any of these for a while”, but there they are, because Eddie’s gone out of his way to do it for you because he knows you need them

He likes cuddles anyway but when it’s your time of the month, he’s there like a shot before you even need to ask, he’s definitely enjoying the extra cuddles and letting you curl up next to him for naps, and it’s so comforting for you because he’s so soft and warm and having him nearby when you feel so shitty makes you feel a bit better

You steal one of his plain old shirts or even a hoodie that’s super oversized on you so you’ll be more comfortable, because the smell of him makes you feel so much better - and he is definitely NOT complaining about seeing you in his clothes

I mean, he DOES kill people, so I doubt seeing the smallest leak of period blood on a sheet or item of clothing is going to bother him THAT much??? Idk

Over time, he starts learning more and more about periods in general, and while it’s not the most comfortable topic for him, he starts knowing enough to try and help you through it every month because he hates seeing you in pain so much

[ddarker-dreams]

hello ! this is my first time sending an ask and i had to say i love your writing and im excited to see where deep sea is going <3 the world youre building is so interesting and i cant wait to see whats going on with maiko darling!! i wanted to ask, whats your planning process like for longer fics like this, or how do you normally write fics in general? ive been lowkey wanting to get into writing fanfic, but im not sure how to start, especially since i worry abt writing a character wrong 😭

OMG this ask,, thank you so very much!!! deep sea ended up turning into more of a lengthy project than i originally anticipated, not that i'm complaining. i think there's a lot to explore there and i'm excited to get to everything that i have planned. as for my writing process... i learned a lot from hell within reach, which i started last year, since it was my first venture into novel length territory hrjtmkg (i still need to finish the last chapter but i'll get to it eventually). i think the main thing i learned is that organization, my greatest weakness, is vital for long fics/stories in general.

deep sea's development has been a touch cleaner than HWR since i've been trying to apply what i learned. to give some insight into the process, it looked like:

early early planning phase: getting a rough idea of what i wanted, mostly the reader’s story and how it relates to scaramouche. not very structured. just lots of ideas that didn’t even play off each other yet. i messed around with various possibilities, just kinda throwing stuff at the wall to see what would stick. brainstorming and such. 

research phase: basically what i talked about in this post! i did reading, watched interviews, the like. took a bunch of notes, made a vocabulary list, the works. this is also where i came up for the name of deep sea’s okiya, shinju-an. i ran the name through a good friend of mine who is fluent in japanese to see if my research on naming teahouses was correct, which it apparently was. phew.

plot outline 1.0: a bare bones outline. breaking down every character’s motivation, how that would move the plot along, etc. i ended up scrapping like 80% of plot outline 1.0, but the core elements remained the same. 

writing chapter 1 and crying: basically what it sounds like... kinda a rough test to see how well i could (or couldn’t) pull all these various concepts together into something coherent. 

plot outline 2.0: at this point certain things go on the chopping block. i shed a tear for each idea i liked that i must get rid of so the story makes literally any sense to anyone who isn’t me . this is where i changed misato’s role in the story (very drastically), started fleshing out maiko darling’s backstory more, along with how keiko and ishioka would impact the overall narrative rather than making them like. forgettable background characters. it was mostly the very middle of the story/the end that gave me trouble... i’m still slightly undecided on the specifics of the ending, but the general idea is figured out.

back to chapter 1 with Mostly everything figured out: most of the first chapter was finished, i just went through and cleaned it up. added lil hints that made me feel sneaky. started wondering why i put so much effort into yandere genshin impact fanfic and not my schoolwork. 

some important things to note — every time i felt discouraged or blocked by not knowing where the story should go next, i forced myself to take a break rather than soldiering in. this was kinda a new technique for me. i normally like to have everything Nice and Clean and Finished as soon as possible. i feel as if this mindset helped me a lot in the long run! a good night’s sleep is sometimes the best remedy to feeling frustrated when the story isn’t coming out like how you pictured. there’s nothing wrong with taking breaks. 

as for how i write my regular, non multi-chaptered fanfic... i kinda... just wing it. 😭 i’m sorry that probably sounds very disappointing. i wanted to challenge myself with deep sea, but for my other fics, i consider it more of a fun outlet. i’ll get an idea i like, start writing without ceasing, get to the end, and then look back/edit through the mess i just typed. it’s a lot more simple. 

[chuuhees]

HI miwwie...... please post your all time favorite junseo(s).... and........ will u rank. wei album covers. <3

HI megmeg <3 ok this is not an exhaustive list but: concert junseo (w an emphasis on red), marie claire black shirt my beloved, whatevers going on in these pcs i need them or i will die (i will die), <COAT3 . also im Very normal abt these.

also are we going w music sites covers . if sooo then: love pt.1: first love = youth > identity: challenge > identity: action = identity: first sight > starry night

i think youth is just like a basic cover but it's simple and easy on the eyes and just... u know there's not much to say abt it but that's also why i don't have much to critique... it's not the best cover of all times by all means but it's alright, basically!!

it is tied with first love because i think this one had the potential to be the best one by far, but as much as i Understand the colour palette in relation to the music (like...it makes sense it rlly does) it's just...not fully satisfying?? like i get it but also i dont u know...like i LOVE pink and i LOVE purple but something about this hurts my eyes in a way? i do think that the design is really nice tho and it Does fit the music it comes with!! (and also despite what i said about the colours this pink/purple version is still my fabourite out of the 3 colour palettes it comes in w the different versions? maybe because of how it relates to the songs. or maybe i'm just used to it)

challenge comes next, being also pretty basic (they all are.) but something about her is very satisfying? i love the purple tint she has to her and i think what she has going for her that sets her higher than the other identity covers are the mics in the bottom third of the picture? idk if im making any sense (nd u didnt ask for my rant) but i think it Frames them really nicely? making like a natural frame or like naturally directing ur sight to the group like it's just nice... i like what they did there . shes still a bit boring other than that but like shes fine shes not Bad

action & first sight are both v basic and pretty boring but they both have distinct points they have going for them!! i just personally really enjoy the fancy concept they set for action, that's a personal preference ig & i am a fan of the peach tone it has to itself!! it is also The wei album that i ownbfjevwk i do however dislike how the colour they chose for the text/logos blends into the picture, im not sure if it was the best choice they couldve made!

as for first sight, i See the vision and i do like her, and i guess from an objective standpoint she should be above action, but once again i just enjoy the aesthetic for action much more. but i do think the colour palette is more balanced here, it's more...hitting?? less of a visual mess??? that sounds like im bad mouthing action but it's just like... action's cover is one big fancy peachy mess when u look at it without paying much attention to it, u know? (??) . this one is very clear?? if it makes sense?? it also feels bolder? i really like the text/logo just like . the colours the fonts nd how its all positioned i rlly do enjoy it!!

nd finally starry night (which i almost forgot to include). i DO GET THE VISION i don't like the execution tho . shes a bit of a mess . very unsure about the fonts. the frame makes it feel way too . squeezed . its too big for the picture its framing . maybe just not the best idea to have such a big frame when ure trying to also present all 6 members of the group. it feels like the clocks are an important setail in there but u can barely see them. also the outfits are a bit of a mess esp colour-wise . maybe im just a hater bc i dont like starry night . but idk its a mess meg it is just a mess .

[yrbutchgf]

hey, i'm feeling a bit insecure in my identity rn and i was wondering if you have any... tips, or anything like that. i'm a lesbian who feels more comfortable in a masc role, and i think i would identify as butch... but i feel like i'm too emotional. i cry SO often. my mental health has been less than stellar for the last 10 years or so lol, so that plays a part, but i'm also just a crier. things that make me cry: criticism, heated discussions, presentations, movie/game/book endings, all music with violins, some music without violins, christmas commercials, those miniature food clay charms... literally everything. and it's always in public too, which is embarrassing enough as it is. and i know that doesn't have to mean anything for my gender identity, but the whole "boys/men don't cry" thing kind of did a number on me lol. i always feel like a little girl when others watch me cry, even though i want to be the protector. sorry for rambling, but i feel like you always have good takes on butchness and stuff like that, so i was wondering if you have any tips on feeling more secure in my butch/masc side :)

ok before i say anything else, thank you, i’m honestly really flattered you think that highly of my takes lol <3 i do try my best, i’m glad i’m able to help people to whatever extent i do with my posts. also, bit of a length warning -- i always set out with the intention of writing succinct responses to asks, but it always gets away from me, and this time "getting away from me" meant "turning into a manifesto." well, oops. c'est la butch/femme.

now to start this answer off: i definitely relate. i’m also pretty emotional. when i get stressed i get really shaky, especially in my hands, and then after that my body turns on the waterworks. i also have a fairly exuberant personality in general, and i'm very expressive with my hands & body language. the only times i’ve ever really fit the stoic archetype have been on accident, usually when i’ve felt uncomfortable in a social situation and it’s come off as strong silence. at the same time, i also don’t like when people see me cry or be emotional in general, especially in public. it makes me feel vulnerable in a way that i don’t like to give most people, and the fact that i can’t fully control when or if i do is uncomfortable. and i think disliking that feeling is totally normal, or at the very least it’s a common boundary to have. regardless of sexuality, gender, or presentation, there’s a social urge to cover up when we’re feeling our feelings, but even beyond that there is, i think, a reflexive, self-preservation level urge to cover up what can be easily damaged. so to an extent, i think it’s natural to shy away from vulnerability.

at the same time, the urge to push down one’s tears is not necessarily a HEALTHY urge, only a COMMON one, because you’re right: emotionality has no bearing on your gender or what roles you can take up. some of my best butch and masc friends are also extremely emotional people, and they’re very open about it, and in a lot of ways that openness almost feels to me more masculine or more butch, because they’re embracing their feelings, and that’s obviously a really hard thing to learn to do, so it’s powerful, admirable, and also to be honest, it’s attractive! the ability of someone to be brave enough to be vulnerable can in many situations make the people around them feel more at ease, and i think it can become a very steady, very stabilizing sort of masculinity. in other words, someone who is very comfortable in their tears is also very good and healing to be around. so i think in a lot of ways, when you learn to own your emotions rather than push them away, that can very easily augment your butchness rather than take away from it.

now obviously everyone views butch/femme differently, whether as genders/sexuality labels/dynamics/what have you, but for me no matter what at the center of these terms there is always this nexus, this core focus, of care. in the dynamic, butch/femme is about butches & femmes caring for one another in complementary ways both in- and out-side of romantic relationships. so when we talk about butchness standalone, you and many other people reach for words like “protector,” and i don’t think there’s anything necessarily wrong with that, i think protection can and often is a key role, but my point here is, where is that urge to protect coming from? it’s from love, from caring about the people you love. and i think it’s important to remember that and to frame it that way, because when you do, it becomes pretty simple: your emotionalism is more than anything a sign of that urge to care/protect/provide in you, or a driving force to those urges, however you want to frame it. far from taking away from your butchness, your emotions are at the very foundation of what it can be. i talked about this in the butch/femme server a bit, and thren @lesbiandaemon said it perfectly:

i genuinely think i (and many others!) would feel so much safety and security being w someone who allows themself to be vulnerable and earnest abt their emotions and it definitely augments butchness, from my perspective as a femme. i envy and care deeply for the butch whose emotions and vulnerability are on display, there's a strength in that imo, even if you've been made to feel self conscious and dysphoric and "less than" bc of that. i think of phrases like "the strength to remain tender", "the violence it took to be this gentle" in the lens of trauma but if that applies and you're ok w it, i think it could also apply here too [...]

whether ppl know it or not, sometimes the way one carries themselves can be projected onto others; there's already an example in how anon mentions the "big boys/men don't cry" thing, vulnerability being shut out and dismissed/disparaged isn't going to make anyone more eager/open abt their emotions. and like, going back to the butch/femme dynamic, it does feel so much more stable and steady if someone has the courage to acknowledge and let themselves feel their emotions, it's very welcoming and validating, knowing that someone can have a strong image and show their tenderness, knowing that you're safe and free from mockery/scorn to do the same when someone protective of you knows how it feels and will care for you because they feel touched to their core and have let you know in more than one way.

and i want to add an important caveat here: obviously not everyone who cares very deeply is going to be outwardly emotional or show it in the same ways. that’s true for all kinds of reasons. i think a lot of the stoicism we see in traditional depictions of butches can come from how people relate emotions to masculinity (that is to say, how people view masculinity as inherently based around a distance from one’s “softer” side), but also, honestly, i think this may also have roots in the historical coping mechanisms that a lot of butches took on in the face of a world that was unkind to them.

in stone butch blues, for example, there’s a lot of talk about this idea of “hard” versus “soft,” or “going stone,” especially when jess is first getting into the bar scene and she’s still fresh-faced to violence. and going stone in this context isn’t just about sexuality, it's also about how so many butches learned to stop letting people in even at a basic emotional level. for them, hardening up was an inevitability of circumstance, not an inherent facet of their personality or a building block of butch identity. i’m sure plenty of old-school butches would be glad to know it’s no longer inevitable or necessary for a butch to close themselves off completely in order to survive.

of course there are also plenty of butches who are just naturally reserved with their emotions, and that’s also fine -- that doesn’t mean they don’t feel things, or that they don’t care. they care -- all of us do! some of us showing it more or less than others doesn’t reflect badly on any of us, whether we’re of a more stoic or a more open variety. but some of us really can’t help showing it, and that’s okay. that’s just how the love spills out. the right person won’t see that as weakness or a crack in the fine china of your masculinity or whatever, they’ll see it as a lovely and endearing part of your whole and warming butchness. so embrace your emotions. do your best to honor the role they play in butch/femmeness. try to love your emotions, or at the very least not to be afraid of them. and remember: you are strong. your tenderness will not destroy you. in fact, it’s what built you to begin with.

[xoshepard]

(tried to put this in the notes of your therapy post but hit the limit so putting it in your asks instead) so okay, you should definitely listen to your gut. if you feel that this isn't working out, something has to change and if that's something is getting another therapist, that's a GOOD thing. but before that, it seems as if that there's a communication issue of what you want from this therapy and what she's giving you. if you're talking about deep shit for a while and she's just nodding, she's probably thinking that this is a venting session and listening intently is what's needed. work related issues are here and now and require support and unpacking asap, and talking about anxiety and working through it is also something to be immediately addressed, so she seems to be playing this EXTREMELY by the books. give it a good faith shot to ask to realign your goals and what you want out of this. say what's working and what's not! the only way things can go the way you need in therapy is by talking about it, ironically.

if she starts to throw a fit or push back against your goals in a way that's not just "oh here's why I'm doing this" or continues to talk abt herself (btw that's a red flag but also may just be trying to have you relate in your situation so shrug) then drop her like a hot potato and start looking for another.

I've been in and out of therapy for a good while, this is normal and you are fine.

thank you for this!! i talked to my friend and we basically came to the same conclusions, but addressing my needs in any kind of relationship is always super hard for me so i’m trying to psyche myself up right now lol. thankfully i do tend to ask for what i need more in a relationship where i’m paying the person for a service, so i’m gonna do my best to ask for the kind of therapy i need! i did also realize that she probably didn’t notice that i was talking about deep stuff for coaching purposes bc i never rly explicitly said that, so i’m willing to give her the benefit of the doubt

i also 100% agree with what you said about her talking about herself- it may have just been to build rapport or to relate to what i was saying at the time and she really had no way of knowing that it would make me feel like i couldn’t talk, so i will give her the benefit of the doubt.

thank you again for responding! it really validated how i was feeling and the steps that i’d decided to take

[mobblespsycho100]

Thank u for showing interest in this guys /gen @agendercryptidlev @doublebubbletriplethreat @evilsciencedotcom

ok its a little. long so i'll put it in a read more

Evidence #1: The series literally starts off with him mocking a romantic couple and not taking them that seriously as his clients and also he was constantly just making fun of their aesthetic appeal (their. their looks). It's clear that he doesn't see their relationship seriously.

Evidence #2: Although not all aromantic people are aplatonic, Reigen seems to be aplatonic in a way that he doesn't actively seek for platonic relationships and bonds with others out of genuine "wanting to know someone else more and be friends with them" and instead is more focused on his own work. Even his mentor-student relationship with Mob started out with Mob being the one to actively seek someone to help him with controlling his powers better. Reigen doesn't go around looking for people to befriend, but instead he just kind of knows Mob's friends Through Mob. Even Serizawa who he recruited was mainly cuz Serizawa protected him first. This is literally a big part of the Seperation Arc, Reigen was always way too focused on becoming someone great that he rarely paid attention to other people as potential friends unless the relationship has some kind of potential benefit for him. This doesn't mean he doesn't care about his relationships with others of course, he /really/ does, but his genuine kindness is usually still at least partially motivated by wanting to be somebody (who can help and inspire others).

Tl;dr: I don't think he's a loser for all his friends technically being middle schoolers it's just easier to have some kind of friendship with others if you have a mutual close friend to help it all work out ( a.k.a Mob) Also like its. Okay to not have friends. Sometimes you just wanna vibe with all these teenagers that you can be a mentor figure/good adult figure for them. Just some weird bastard uncle or older sibling / dad whatever

Evidence #3: His lack of experience in navigating romantic relationships. He's pretty sure the last time he dated was like, way back in high school or something right? (im not sure on this either tbh) And he really didn't seem interested when his mom talked abt setting him up with someone (which is not always a sign that someone is aromantic but really I don't think Reigen has thought about marriage, like, ever. Unless it's for tax benefits.)

Evidence #4: His go to relationship/confessing advice being something simple like "just communicate your feelings well" or "play hard to get" like he's not even trying to sound like an expert 😭😭 also when Mob was asking his advice on this matter he literally just read off of google and if that isn't one of the biggest aro moods I don't know what is.

Evidence #5: He has never been shown really "flirting" with anyone. If he has to play up his charisma when talking to clients well then so be it. He's really casual and professional about it too (by it I'm saying sensual massages or whatever the fuck he does....)

Evidence #6: Too busy thinking about how to get money to think about spending them all on dates with women or men or something

Evidence #7: This one is also what started the ace Reigen headcanons but the line "Is having a crush always related to sex? I don't really wanna talk to you about it." (Based Reigen btw)

Evidence #8: Honestly most of these "evidence" is just my own read of him and like. my own interpretation of course but. theres just something so Aro about a generally popular guy in his 30s not having a partner or a romantic relationship and he seems fulfilled and like, satisfied with that. I'm sure he really doesn't care about getting married. He's got Mob, Serizawa, Dimple, Tome, Teru, Ritsu (albeit reluctantly), he's got his emotional support friends/co-workers/people who genuinely care about him and look up to him because of his genuine kindness and pretty solid advice. He's got it all. Just some normal guy surrounded by espers and one evil spirit and also someone very similar to him personality wise (as some kind of daughter figure). It's neat.

Also I thought abt Ekuserirei QPR but at the same time I have a hard time visualizing Reigen in like. an Actual committed relationship with other people. I'm just kinda here man. But also Ekuserirei is genuinely such a fun dynamic so. yeah

Anyway thats my big brain thoughts on Reigen Aromanticism. all hcs are valid and if you disagree with me you can just, do whatever you want just not argue on my post thats just basic human decency ok thats all <3 💚💚 thank u for reading this far and have a good day everyone!! :]

[commajade]

ik this is from before but ive been thinking about the trans man butch post and idk... i don't like the idea of including attraction to trans men in lesbianism and when i was reading it i was like well good for the author but im not...attracted to trans men...and thats not part of being lesbian. like idk when this was written and if its older I get how diff norms could have impacted her understanding but yea...and also the line talking abt how the lover wants her like a man bc his thinking changed after starting T stuck out to me as weird too. and i mean maybe the modern understanding of sex hormones is just a lot diff so i wont go on about how thats not how T works but i feel like lesbians are usually very off put by someone "wanting us as a man"? food for thought ig

the thing is though, that it genuinely does not matter whether u think that person's experience is valid. ur allowed to judge that person and disagree, and u would be probably be aligned with a lot of other lgbt ppl around them. and it's ok if u disagree with me! this is the internet not an in-person and long standing lesbian social community, u r not accountable to me beyond basic human decency. i personally don't see a problem with it because people have all kinds of journeys with their identity and within lgbt social circles and butch and femme are relational social roles within a specific social and political context and the issue of transitioning while being butch is much bigger and much more difficult than we know and the author expressed that struggle beautifully.

i am absolutely not saying that because i don't see a problem in that story i'm allowing attraction to trans men to be a part of the definition of lesbianism. there's a difference between what actual people historically experienced and what is a correct on-paper definition of sexualities and lgbt social roles. i agree that i am not attracted to trans men and attraction to trans men should not be considered a part of the definition of what a lesbian is. there are actually trans men on this website that call themselves butch and make weird posts about gay men and lesbians having sex being normal. and it's gross, really really gross. another example of this would be bi femmes. on the internet i'm gonna be uncomfortable when a lot of bi women with no affiliation to or knowledge of lesbian bar culture and no love for butches call themselves femme but historically, bi women were an important part of butch femme bar culture and gave up a lot and gained a lot from taking on the responsibility of that social role, which continual rejection of men and wanting butches instead is a part of.

queerness is by definition outside of words, everything we do is resistance to language and outside of language and breaks apart language. the danger in these kinds of stories is when people use them as proof for ideas that are trying to disrupt our social formations and community structures and make our words meaningless, make the word lesbian no longer mean what it does. but the story doesn't do that, there's a reverence for lesbianism and the butch femme community that the narrator is terrified of losing the subversive power gained by becoming a part of that community and social structure. and about that section the narrator was put off by that too, terrified in fact.

finally, note that the passage never did firmly establish whether the narrator's partner considers himself a trans man completely. he could be a nonbinary transmasc lesbian like me that went through medical transition. he could be a trans man that still considers himself butch and that would be none of my business, he has def already been taken to task about it by his own community based on their own definitions of what being butch means. these terms come with sacrifice, they come with automatic rejection from society, they come with punishment both physical/legal and emotional, they aren't taking this shit lightly.

lesbian and trans experience is complicated and not going to fit neatly into any kind of narrative because we're communally writing the stories and definitions as they suit us and the community we have made. in general yeah saying lesbians are attracted to trans men is transphobic and lesbophobic but this is real people we're talking about, with real experiences that do in fact happen. it's not an idea, it's just what happened to those people. they're people of incorrect gender and incorrect desire which is the definition of what being lgbt is, and they should be considered as real human beings living through hell just to be who they are and survive. i don't think it's my role as a reader to further punish this person who's lived through more hardship for being gay and trans than i have, whose story is being very vulnerably told so i can benefit, so i can see some of myself and feel some connection in the past as a young nonbinary transmasc butch lesbian.

[ohsweetflips]

Hey I just wanted to say that I'm. glad? you made that post about your hypochondria. I have hypochondria that frequently lead to vasovagal syncopes at the slightest provocation (fainting spells) but I'm always afraid to tell people that I have it because I'm so afraid that they won't take me seriously. Everyone jokes about hypochondria but no one acknowledges it as an illness. So I'm just glad to see someone else who Gets It

hiya!! i’m putting my response under a cut bc a) it got long and b) i mention a lot of anxiety stuff so i felt like that could be the best way to keep it hidden from people who don’t want to read

(just in case, i mention panic/anxiety attacks related to illness and hypochondria)

hi!! i’m glad that it helped. and i’m sorry that you go through that a lot :( i completely get the whole feeling like hypochondria isn’t taken seriously. i think it’s because, for example, in health in my 11th grade year, we had a woman come in and speak about breast cancer. and, that day, a lot of the girls in my class talked about how it was making them super nervous. and that’s understandable!! it was, imo, a super scary presentation, and i’m not about to invalidate that or what any other person feels. 

i think, though, for hypochondriacs and, in that situation, me specifically, i wasn’t just nervous about it the day we had the presentation. the day i heard about that speaker coming in (which i think was, like, two weeks prior) i went home and cried for hours and, essentially, had a really bad panic attack and considered finding a way to skip school that day so i wouldn’t have to see the presentation. i ended up going in anyway but i rememver basically feeling numb throughout the entire thing bc i basically had to work to desensitize myself.

and, again, i am not trying to invalidate what anyone, hypochondriac or not, feels! i think it’s normal for anyone to get a little nervous when stuff like that is mentioned, or get a little squeamish from foods they get sick from, or wonder if they’re gonna get sick when the flu/whatever is ripping through school/work/etc. i just think tho that, bc of that, it’s harder for people who aren’t hypochondriacs to understand that it’s more than that for hypochondriacs? like, it isn’t just being nervous about an illness In The Moment, or looking at webmd and being like “lmao guess i’m dying.” at least for me (bc i don’t want to speak for you or anyone else), it’s getting nervous about A Lot of things but also the Little things.

and tbh i get the frustration of being invalidated. like, i don’t typically like being “this is a Specific Thing that i feel and i Know that not everyone i meet feels the same way” but i have had moments w/ a lot of people when they’re like, “but doesn’t everyone feel [completely downgrading everything i just said and basically missing my point]” and i’m just tempted to go “i started off 2018 having a many-hour anxiety attack bc i thought that that would be the year i would get sick and die” but i don’t want to be That Asshole, bc i don’t Like being like that, but sometimes my buttons get pushed a bit too much lmao

but, yeah, hypochondria, at best, can be super frustrating and, at worse, can give me some of the most terrifying experiences of my life, and i completely get how hard it is to talk abt it to people without either a) making them extremely fucking concerned or b) being invalidated bc people don’t quite understand the extent to which it can go

but i get it, even tho our experiences are most likely not exactly the same, so if you ever need to talk or vent or what have you, my inbox/DMs are open

[vakta]

(yes i'm making this my new pinned)

hi!! and welcome! :)

i would say this blog is my safe space. i can be myself here without too much hesitation and i've become a part of a wonderful community that has grown very dear to my heart. i'm homeschooled at the moment and i'm alone most of the time, which makes me even more grateful that i can connect to people this way. i have friends here who i love so so much, who have helped me so so much, and honestly idk what i'd do without them. this blog is very important to me, because it really helps me cope with the difficulties i'm going through.

so, here is a brief introduction of it! i've listed some of the things you might want to know before you interact :]

!!! Trigger Warnings !!!

ED: i am in recovery. fully & truly, not in that pseudo-shit phase anymore. however, it obviously is very difficult and i do have bad thoughts time to time, but i pay a LOT of attention not to post/rb anything potentionally damaging. which means there are NO numbers (kcals, weight, bmi, measurements, etc.), NO -spo and NO encouragement of disordered behaviours on this blog, and vents (which i try to keep as safe as i can too) are always under a [readmore] with a list of any needed tw at the top. needless to say, i'm entirely pro recovery!!

SH: always under a [readmore] with a tw at the top, and nothing graphic

Other stuff to know abt the "content" here (under the cut bc otherwise this post would be waaaay too long):

i tend to swear here and there, especially when i'm angry

i love using pet names (like starting my posts with "babes!!" or "loves" or calling someone bestie or dude (intended in a non gendered way) n stuff like that; i'm often shy to do so tho), but please let me know if sth makes you uncomfy!

english isn't my first language but i'm trying very hard so please forgive me for my mistakes!!

i have a pretty messed-up relationship with my dad and i post about that quite frequently, since this is kind of the only place where i can vent.

when i'm not complaining about my dad, i usually complain about my digestive-system, which i also have a questionable relationship with, due to its lack of ability to function normally, thanks to (surprise, surprise) my ed

i'm in recovery, but it can get really difficult, and then i post my thoughts about the things i'm going through sometimes. though overall recovery is rly nice!! 100% recommend!!!!

i still rb some ed memes for the lolz but never the damage-encouraging ones

i often rb mental health and lgbtqia+ related posts too

also get ready for a ton of shitty jokes, food opinions, harm reduction, picrews, simping for han jisung, and cats

thank you sm for reading through this!! and thank you sm too even if you only took a glance at the highlighted/bold words. i'm proud of you for being here, i'm proud of you for existing. because that's already a big thing on its own!! and i know that fighting with ED SHeeran or struggling in other ways can be really tough and i'm just so damn proud of you for not giving up. please remember that you are worthy. worthy of food, worthy of rest, worthy of love and happiness. nourish your body and soul. take your multivitamins. hydrate. take time to relax. bind safely. wear clothes that you like and listen to your favourite music. do what brings you joy, what makes you happy. i hope you can do something you love today! :)

take care, stay safe, ily. <3

and finally, some stuff abt meeee

you can call me alba or avrora or dawn (or you can translate dawn to any language basically, just let me know so that i don't get confused!)

i'm 18

i use they/she pronouns

member of the lgbtqia+ community but honestly can't tell which of the letters is the one which represents my identity. i can't figure out my sexuality bc of trauma and i just don't even want a gender tbh

my fav school subject is chemistry

we have a dog, she is beautiful and so so loveable

i listen to kpop, mostly skz (& an underrated group i like is lilli lilli, go stan lilli lilli !!!)

overall i'm kinda lame but i'd like to think that i'm owning it :]

if you read it until here, ilysm, have a nice day, you get a yellow flower, a pink flower, a caterpillar, a snail, a smol chicken and a cupcake! 🌼🌸🐛🐌🐣🧁

and a van too bc it looks cool 🚚

enough of doing the anorexia. im doing the recovery.