#basically he and shakira are in a friends with benefits relationship

[fairie-grl]

my guilty pleasure is celeb gossip so i obviously follow deux moi on insta. but i just wanna share some info about the drivers at the candian grad prix

the tldr is basically all drivers are great people and alex is boyfriend goals.

[kfteasers-blog]

Jane Re.

“I am content with who I am and how my past experiences have shaped me. What is important is that I know that both of those sides–Korean and white–are a part of who I am.”

How do you identify ethnically?

I am half-Korean, half-white. In Korea they call it honhyol.

How do you feel like you belong to each ethnic identity?

Honestly, I feel like I still don’t quite belong to either. Koreans will still look at me strangely, notice my honhyol-ness, and white people will still view me as Asian. I’ve learned to embrace my Korean side as I’ve learned more about my family. I don’t know if I would call it “belonging,” but maybe a deeper understanding, respect, and appreciation for it. I do think I now feel more secure in the title “Korean-American.” I can still be Korean, practice certain values (read: nunchi) and view the world a certain way, but also find community and connection among white people. Some of my dearest friends today are white; and while it’s been a difficult (if awkward) journey of mutual understanding on both sides, I think that we’ve reached a point where I can feel truly comfortable being with them, not like a stranger or foreigner.

Was there one side of your heritage that you identified with more as a child? Do you feel like you belong to one identity over the other now?

I can say that when I was little, my uncle made being white sound shameful. Growing up, everyone in my neighborhood looked at me differently because I didn’t quite look like them. People (especially my uncle) treated me a certain way because I was honhyol, not fully Korean like them. Whatever “bad” qualities I had, they were attributed to my father–my “whiteness.” So as much as I wanted to be seen as Korean, it felt as if social circumstances and my own upbringing wouldn’t allow me to. I used to despise being this in-between. But as I’ve said before, since then I’ve come to learn that my whiteness isn’t a curse, and can in fact be an advantage: I have access and immersion in not one, but two divergent cultures. And I can either let them cripple my sense of self-worth and identity (like it used to), or let them reflect their positive impact in me. Even if I do subconsciously gravitate towards one identity over another, it doesn’t matter to me. I am content with who I am and how my past experiences have shaped me. What is important is that I know that both of those sides–Korean and white–are a part of who I am.

How has movement influenced your feeling of belonging to your identity?

I’ve definitely had my fair share of moving. And now that I think about it, with each move I practically forced myself to belong. When I was an au-pair at the Mazer-Farleys, I followed Beth’s rules and sat through hours of talks with her. I met my first white friend Nina, who encouraged me to dress more provocatively as they did in the clubs in the city. But at the time there was something in me that didn’t feel right about the situation in which I had placed myself (in no small part due to my affair with Ed), and I felt the sudden but strong impulse to leave altogether.

There was an article I read once in The New York Times, about South Korean adoptees returning to their country of birth. There was one sentence in particular that stood out to me: “How can a person exiled as a child, without a choice, possibly fathom how she would have ‘turned out’ had she stayed in Korea?” I thought of my grandfather, and how he had sent me away to live in America because he foresaw a future in Korea where I’d be judged for my mere appearance. So when I moved to Korea, I think I equated belonging with becoming just like them, at the cost of losing myself. I became so immersed in a different culture and lifestyle, that I felt the only way to belong was to conform to it. I changed my appearance and clothing, acted differently, and almost lost Nina. It took me a little while to realize I was doing it all wrong. The measures I was taking were making me feel more Korean, at least according to the standards of this modern society I was thrown into. It was becoming a norm for me–could’ve even been a “home”–but it was definitely not one I was comfortable in. It was much like how the South Korean adoptees felt; as much as they tried to conform by spending time in the country, Korea would never be home for them. I was actively trying to find a place to belong, that I didn’t realize that the change began within me, as cheesy as it sounds. I make the most of the place I am in. I am the one who can determine where I belong or who I belong with. My parents did that, and they were happy, so why couldn’t I? So I moved back to the United States, where I could be among the people with whom I wanted to be and live a life on my own terms. And from there I became happy.

Recount the scene in Food where Beth and Sang meet for the first time. That seemed to be a distinct clash of white and Korean culture–describe how you felt in that moment. Have there been any other instances in your life in which parts of your identity do not align/clash with each other?

That was probably the most significant (and awkward) clash of cultures I’d ever seen. It was bound to happen, since neither side had really had such close contact with the other. It’s weird to describe it that way–like they’re completely different species or something. But that’s what it felt like in that moment; Beth’s lack of nunchi was made all the more obvious in this little world that was dominated by it, while Sang couldn’t pick up on Beth’s own culturally-influenced behaviors. This woman who always seemed to have control of the situation and had the answer to everything suddenly didn’t, and she could feel it. Honestly, I probably watched it with such sick fascination because it was like a physical manifestation of my own identities clashing with each other.  At that point in my life, I felt like they could only exist separately, and that episode at Food only seemed to further prove this point.

Reflect on this passage from The Night Counter (“Like I was saying, I look at myself in the mirror a lot. I see sickly and pimply, but I don’t see Arab, or Chinese, or Black. I do see someone who could definitely pass for Latino but not a hot one like Shakira or Jennifer Lopez…I used to think I would look weird ice fishing, but once someone thought I was eskimo, so I guess I could go ice fishing one day if Brenda would want to do anything fun.”) How do other people’s perception of your identity affect your own perception of your identity?

I actually read this book. Nina recommended it to me, saying it reminded her of me. I guess because I always used to talk about how I’d look in the mirror and see neither a Korean or a white person. I’d just see me, a honhyol. And I thought that was a bad thing unlike this Decimal character, who didn’t seem to really care what she looked like, especially to other people. It’s odd, actually–in the United States, I was condemned by my family for looking too white. But in Korea, I was praised for my honhyol-ness. I had a friend who said she envied my “white skin, big eyes, big nose and small chin.” I’d never considered them as admirable features, more like things that set me apart from everyone else. There’s this article I found once called “Whatever Happened to the Kayumanggi?” It basically talks about how Filipino Malay people admire the fair skin of white people at the cost of acknowledging the beauty of their own golden-brown tone, called “kayumanggi” in Tagalog. This fascination had its roots in historical circumstances, like how the Spaniards converted the Filipino natives into worshipping white-skinned religious figures, or how the Americans brought along with them a vision of the Hollywood ideal. What I learned from this article, and my time in Korea, is that sometimes skin color can be associated with a specific value. It can truly affect how people think of themselves and others–which is probably why Monica always had a bitter undertone whenever she commented on my appearance or position as a half-Korean, half-white woman. The ads on the trains in Korea, my aunt’s fascination with cosmetics, it’s all a part of this attempt to attain what history and society has defined as a beauty standard. And while I let it get to my head a little bit, I think I’ve reached a place where I don’t care as much how people perceive me–because I am happy with the person I’ve become.

Reflection

Jones, Maggie. “Why a Generation of Adoptees Is Returning to South Korea.” The New York Times, The New York Times, 14 Jan. 2015.

Although Jane is not adopted from South Korea, she was similarly removed from the country due to the decision of others, and seemingly for her own benefit. This New York Times article essentially explores the impact this displacement (to the United States, no less) has on the adoptees, and how this impact is felt once they return to South Korea. There are various individuals interviewed who all come from different environmental circumstances and upbringings, which wound up affecting how they adjusted to the country of their origin: some were able to adjust and move their permanently, while others had a difficult time viewing it as another home for themselves. Jane falls into the latter group, raised in her own version of Korea and utterly unprepared for the world she threw herself into. The article captures a relevant angle on the concept of belonging and its relationship with movement: and in Jane’s case, how physically journeying to a part of your ethnic identity is not always a return home.

Pedero, Dero. “Whatever Happened To The Kayumanggi?” Philstar.com, The Philippine Star, 6 July 2003.

Pedero dissects Filipino society’s favoring of whiter, fairer skin and their disregard for “kayumanggi,” or the golden brown skin color that is characteristic of most Filipinos. This article, although focused on a specific nation, can be applied to several others who attempt to emulate the white American/European ideal. Striving to model oneself after this type of person, or even having such a mentality subconsciously ingrained into one’s way of thinking, can have damaging effects for self-perception and racial identity. Jane was raised in an environment that belittled and shamed the white side of her, in terms of both appearance and negatively stereotyped values. When she goes to South Korea, though, her whiteness is praised as an enviable trait. The extreme dichotomy Jane experiences between these two reactions ultimately gives her the perspective she needs. Skin color is not always a direct reflection of one’s ethnic identity, but it is certainly not a determinant of one’s value.

[russellthornton]

How to Tell If a Guy Likes You: The Complete Guide to Decode Guys

Guys can be hard to read, but once you focus on these signs, you’ll know all the secrets to knowing how to tell if a guy likes you in an instant!

Men—the mysterious creatures of the earth. Just joking. Actually, they’re pretty obvious beings. You just need to keep an eye out for the signs they give away. Especially the signs for how to tell if a guy likes you. If you’re distracted by his cute face and big arms, well, snap out of it, you have work to do!

How to tell if a guy likes you – It’s all in the little things he does

It’s time to take a closer look at the guy you like, and see if he’s showing you he’s interested. If you’re wondering how to tell if a guy likes you, here are the 13 signs you need to keep an eye on.

#1 He tells you. Most men eventually tell you that they’re interested in you. If this happens, you don’t have to go analyzing their every move.

If he says he’s interested in you, now you have the first part taken care of. So, what’s next? Is he interested in you as a hookup? Friends with benefits? Serious relationship? You need to know what he’s looking for.

If you want to be his girlfriend, but he just wants a casual hookup, you obviously aren’t on the same page. Ask him what he’s looking for, don’t be shy because you deserve to know where you two stand. [Read: 17 sordid signs he sees you just as a hookup and nothing more]

#2 It’s all in the body language. Sure, he may be ignoring you or acting like he’s not really interested, but what’s his body saying? Shakira was right, hips don’t lie. Just don’t stare at his hips, it wasn’t meant to be entirely literal.

Listen, if you pay attention to his body language, you’ll find the answers. If he’s interested he’ll be mirroring you, mimicking your body language. This means he’s trying to connect with you. If he leans into you when talking, has his feet pointing towards you, these are great signs.

But, if his feet are pointing away from you, he’s ignoring you and keeping his distance. Well, honey, this ain’t the guy for you. [Read: Does he like me? 18 ways to decode his body language instantly]

#3 He wants to get to know you. Is he interested in knowing about that time you fell off your bike when you were six? Or the story of how your parents met? Believe me, if they’re not interested in you, they wouldn’t sit around listening to these stories.

If he’s trying to get to know you, he likes you. If he just asked you where you’re from or where you go to school—don’t take it as a marriage proposal. Small talk could be seen as just simple manners, but if he continues with deeper and more personal questions, he’s choosing to see who you are. [Read: 15 ways to tell if someone likes you without asking them]

#4 It’s all in the eyes. Is he giving you crazy eye contact? Okay, you may have something stuck in your teeth, but most likely he’s into you. If you’re looking at him and the eye contact lasts a little longer than normal, you’ll know the feeling. He’s trying to connect with you. So sensual.

If he’s staring at you a lot longer than needed, it’s kinda creepy, so I recommend looking away and leaving the area. I’ve seen CSI, I know how this plays out.

#5 He smiles a lot around you. He’s a happy guy! Why? Because he’s talking to the girl that he likes. Why wouldn’t he be smiling? If the guy laughs and smiles around you, he’s obviously enjoying himself. Now, just because he smiles doesn’t necessarily mean he likes you, but if he’s smiling for no reason then that’s different.

I mean, you’ve smiled before for no reason when you’re next to a guy because you like him, so it’s not any different for him. If you want to know how to tell if a guy likes you and intend to test this, give him eye contact and smile at him—what does he do? Walk away? Smile back? [Read: Does he have a crush on me? 20 signs he just can’t hide]

#6 He starts the conversation. No guy starts a conversation with a girl he’s not slightly interested in—unless he has to. But come on, think about it. You’re a guy at a party and you see a girl you’re interested in but instead go to talk to the one that doesn’t remotely excite you. That just doesn’t happen.

You should know one thing, guys don’t like to waste their time. They don’t want to talk to people they’re not interested in. Honestly, who does? So, if he’s coming up to you to start a conversation, he’s curious and wants to get to know you.

#7 He doesn’t use his phone when he’s around you. Nowadays, it’s impossible to hang out with someone unless their eyes are glued to their phone. Basically, it’s like hanging out alone.

So, if this guy comes up for air from his phone and doesn’t look at it the whole time he’s with you, well you got yourself a keeper. On the other hand, if he comes up to talk to you and is texting the whole time, he’s either an asshole or… hmm… no wait, that’s the only thing he could be. Don’t stand around trying to continue the conversation with him, just leave. [Read: Avoid them like the plague: 16 types of guys not to date]

#8 He compliments you. If he can’t keep his eyes off you and compliments you on how pretty you look. I don’t even think I have to explain this one. He’s into you. Men are extremely visual, so, if you look like a bombshell, he’s going to notice.

#9 He touches you. I don’t mean touching like him fist bumping you hello. If you have a friend that does that, please remind him it’s not 2008 anymore. I mean touching like him grazing your back with his fingers, or he grabs your hand when you two are running across the street. If he’s touching you when he doesn’t have to, he’s trying to make physical contact with you.

And trust me, guys don’t want to be physical with someone they’re not interested in. You can always test this by touching him and seeing his reaction. If he squirms like a slug being doused with salt, take a step back. If he touches you back, well, you’re welcome. [Read: How to flirt by touch without making it obvious at all]

#10 He finds a reason to talk to you. He saw a funny YouTube clip and shared it with you on Facebook, or messages you about something you posted. Was that really necessary? Probably not, but he’s trying to get a conversation going.

So, go with it. Eventually, this interaction develops and who knows where it’ll take you. If you’re still not sure, may I remind you, guys do not waste their time talking to people that they don’t find interesting.

#11 He remembers the small details. This is really important when it comes to knowing how to tell if a guy likes you. It shows that not only is he listening but he cares about what you’re saying. Most men have selective hearing, they hear the major points of what you’re saying so in case you question them, they have something to back themselves.

But you don’t want that, you want a guy who’s going to listen to you and be fully engaged in conversation. So, if he’s remembering small details, that’s a sign. [Read: Is he attracted to you? 16 giveaways to watch out for]

#12 He doesn’t mention other women. Personally, I’m strongly opposed to flirting with guys who have girlfriends, but let’s just say for example he has one. Does he mention her when he’s around you or is it that she’s suddenly nonexistent?

He doesn’t bring her up for a reason, he doesn’t want you to know or be reminded that he’s not fully available. Or perhaps he’s single and doesn’t mention a single female when you casually bring up the topic of women—that’s a good sign because he doesn’t want any other woman but you. [Read: 20 signs of attraction in the very first conversation]

#13 His friends hold the answer. His friends know. Just like women, our friends know the minute we’re interested in a guy. They’re no different. They like to think they are, but, they’re not.

In fact, I think they’re even worse. His friends are going to know that you’re the girl he’s interested in. So, if you meet his friends, watch them. Watch the eye contact they give each other, listen to what they say. They’ll tell you, you just need to listen.

[Read: Does my guy friend like me? 15 signs he’s totally crushing on you]

Once you get the hang of it, figuring out how to tell if a guy likes you is pretty easy. All you need to do is keep your eyes and ears open. And don’t worry, you’ll find out if he’s interested in you in no time.

The post How to Tell If a Guy Likes You: The Complete Guide to Decode Guys is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.