#basically cap has a trauma nightmare :o/

[lokibrainrot]

HEY this is writing for Cap that contains a litttllllee bit of lethal company v50 spoilers! Just be aware before you read!

A bright bright summer day. The air was cool but the sun warmed its skin. It could hear its sisters running about, shouting about something or other. Everest and Jolene were 12 and 8 respectively, although Jolene was turning 9 today.

Its mother sat across from it, watching the two play in the freshly cut grass. It looked out towards them, blinded by the sun at first, moving its hand to block the ray. It observed, smiling lightly. It laughed, Everest's pink dress had gotten grass stained already even though she had said she wouldn't stain it today.

Jolene pointed towards it and their mother, stumbling backwards before coming to a stop. She yelled out to it "Come play!" and it stood, smiling brightly. Its sisters ran over, grabbing it by the arms and running it into the field. A game of tag, it thought. But something was wrong now, its sisters had stopped and were looking up at the sky. It looked at both of them before looking up as well.

Something blotted out the sun. Many somethings. Things that flew in the formation of geese but were way too big to be geese themselves.

"What is that?" Its mother asked from the table, standing up herself in order to get a better view of what her kids were looking at. All it took was a couple steps forward to make her realize what was happening. She took Jolene and Everest by the hands and yelled for it to follow as they ran.

Cold adrenaline began to bleed into it, it had never seen its mother so panicked. It looked back up to the sky, hearing what sounded like a baby crying... Why was there a baby crying? What was going on?

It ran to catch up with its family, but the sky darkened, going completely black in seconds. It couldn't move anymore. Its feet sunk into the ground. It felt time fly by, years added on to itself. It was dressed in jeans and a T-shirt one moment and a military uniform the next. It had no arm, at least not a flesh one now. The crying was louder. It kept getting louder. It tried to run, to scream out to its family. All it could do was think. I want my mom. I want to go home. I want to hold my sisters. I want to visit my dad. The crying had grabbed it, cold metallic fingers gripping its midsection with a force that burned. And then it saw the front end of a gun and heard a clicking. It raised its arms to cover its face, and suddenly it could scream out again. Burning. Burning in its legs and slowly getting higher. It cried out, Screaming in tune with the Crying. Birds shouldn't cry. Cap sprang up, hitting its head against the bunk above it. Its internal mechanisms whirred and something was clicking when it shouldn't have been. It felt its heart beat hard, the damn thing not pumping anything like blood anymore. It laid back down, thankful Ricky above it was a hard sleeper. Images flashed its vision for a few more moments before it heard his voice. "Be a better asset." It nodded in response, faintly feeling something slip from its eyes. It was a phantom feeling, but nontheless it knew what crying was. It turned on its side and tried to fall back asleep. It pictured its family. Who were those people? Why did it feel so horrible that it couldn't remember their faces?

[lifeofroos]

Part 28: Nico might not be very shaken up by the last trial of Apollo, but someone else is. 

In short: Nico gets therapy from Dionysus. In this chapter, he talks about his feelings concerning the last trial of Apollo. The rest is on AO3 and FanFiction.net! (Also in Tumblr tags like Nico di Angelo, Dionysus, Fanfiction, etc.). 

This Might Be Crazy: Chapter 28: Sparkling Mango Juice

‘Nico di Angelo?’

I looked up from the floor, where I was sitting. None other than the great god Apollo was standing in my cabin. ‘Apollo?’

‘Yes, it is I.’ He looked around, until he saw my chair in the corner. He moved it to the middle of my room and sat down. 

I stayed on the floor. ‘What has brought you here?’ 

He drummed his fingers on the armrest of the chair. ‘I heard you spoke to Dionysus about our quest to defeat Nero and how you thought about it.’

I nodded. ‘Yes, I did.’

‘I was wondering if... you could tell me those thoughts as well.’ 

I looked at him. ‘Okay, I can do that. But first, I’ve got Sparkling mango juice. Do you want some?’ I got off the floor and walked to my closet. 

‘Eh… sure.’ I took two cans of the bottom shelf and gave him one, before I sat down again, on my bed this time. 

I pulled the tab off. ‘Alright. So, this was by far not the most traumatising thing to ever happen to me. Partly I never had to see Nero, or the snake.’ I fell silent. Now what did I say next? ‘Eh… and it was my own choice to go along this time, sort off. Even though Dionysus discouraged me.’ I took a sip of Mango juice. The prophecy might have been a factor, but still. ‘I guess I did not listen because... I thought I should do it, and who else could have helped you with the troggs?’ 

Apollo shrugged. ‘No-one. No-one else could have helped me with the troggs.’ He fiddled with the can, which he hadn’t opened yet. ‘Yet, it… sounds like you are just trying to make me feel better, even though I... I know I should have done better. For all my time as Lester, I just relied on everyone, and I whined, and…’ he shrugged again. ‘I don’t know, I just feel bad about that.’ 

I actually let out a little laugh. ‘Lord, that just means that you learned.’ I coughed. ‘Eh, but you don’t have to feel guilty about it. You carried your weight and what’s done is done.’ 

He smiled back. ‘Maybe it does mean that I learned. Nico, I know I need to take better care of my mortals now. Of my children, of my partners, of my friends…’ Finally, he opened the can. ‘They need love. I can’t leave them with nothing but an empty spot where I should be. If I meddled with their lives, I should expect them to meddle with mine.’ 

I took another sip, with a broad smile. ‘That is great. That is actually great.’ I put my can down for a moment. ‘And, well, I could be doing better, but I guess I am alright. I like the troggs, it is not like going after them traumatised me. I already was in contact with them and with that contact I could help you. Also, they send me the marvelous hat you can see right there.’ I pointed to my bedside table. A black beanie with a skeleton on the front was laying on it. ‘Nice, right? I don’t wear it often, but still.’ 

‘... It really is.’ He looked a little sad, all of a sudden. ‘They sent me a hat too, but it was just a regular white cap.’ Oh, was he jealous of me, the mere mortal? 

‘Well, maybe they thought you would want to customise your own hat?’ He shrugged. I took a sip of mango fizz, before sighing.

‘About what you said before. I hope more gods will begin to look after their children. It would raise their spirits, I think. I did notice you a little while back, with kayla and little Hypolita. A few weeks ago, I spoke with Hephaestus, and apparently he had been seeing his kids every now and then. Of course, I am currently talking to Hades. Now that you have been a mortal and you are setting an example, I hope that other gods will follow suit.’ I shrugged. ‘So… that is my thought.’ 

Apollo nodded, with a little smile. ‘I think… I hope so too.’

I took another sip of mango juice. ‘Dionysus thought a bit differently. He basically expressed a worry that it might cause all of the Olympians to get attached to their children, which might cause a lot of grief when they eventually die and the world might not be better off for it… but then he quickly cut himself off, so I did not get to ask further questions.’

Apollo shrugged and took his first sip. ‘This stuff tastes less bad then I expected. And… I understand what Dionysus means, that is generally an attitude some of the gods hold. After they learn how much losing a child hurts, they… try to stay in the background. And I must agree with Dionysus on one point: Some gods would indeed… forsake their tasks out of grief.’ I didn’t know what he was thinking of in the little silence that followed, but my mind shot to Demeter. Not that you could blame here for getting sad, really. Apollo scraped his throat, which pulled me back to reality. ‘I must confess, I did tend to forget about my kids… eh… some of the time. Dionysus did not do that often, forgetting, but he did try to keep the… mental-health distance? However, he did not always succeed. And in the other gods’ defence, he also had way less demigod kids then most of us, so there was less to get attached too.’ He stared at his can again. ‘Maybe... I won’t be able to keep up what I am trying to do now forever, but I’ll do it for as long as I can. It is time to give something back to my children and lovers.’ He nodded a few times, to emphasize the point. ‘Yes.’

I nodded back. ‘I think… that is admirable, Apollo.’

‘Yes, yes… but you have a similair thing with Hades, right?’ Oh, so there was some pride involved as well. Ah. 

‘Well, for Hades, it is a little different, maybe. I think that if he truly misses one of his children, he can just… bring their ghosts to his palace as advisers, or janitors, or court jesters or something. I think.’ 

Apollo thought about it. ‘Yes, that might be true.’ 

‘Yes.’ I took another sip, suddenly noticing that I had almost reached the bottom of the can. Of course, Dionysus wasn’t here, so the can did not refill itself. ‘Hmmm. Oh, but Apollo, how are you feeling about everything that happened? I haven’t asked yet.’ I looked up. 

For a few seconds, the sun god sat frozen. ‘Well… as you probably noticed, I have turned a new leaf. But…’ he suddenly looked very tired, tired and hurt. ‘Nico, I can’t stop thinking about the people that were lost, and about how my friends are doing, and about all the new demigods just trying to figure it out. In the middle of the night, I wake up with nightmares about everything that happened. And I feel guilty about old actions of mine, from when I was a young god, and being mortal made me realise all that, and, oh Nico…’ He buried his face in his hands. For a moment, I did not know what to do.

‘Apollo, it’s… it’s…’ I shook my head. ‘No, it is not okay. It sounds like you’ve got grief. And survivors’ guilt, general guilt, Other mental bruises. PTSD. Literal bruises. And…’ I took a deep breath. ‘And that won’t get better until you get help from someone. Someone professional. So, eh… for you, that is probably not Dionysus, although he might be able to help a bit. If you trust him enough.’

Apollo stared at his can. ‘Isn’t that just another way of being selfish, though? Having to talk all about my trauma, about me, that…’

‘No. You can only take proper care of others once you’ve taken care of yourself. And therapy isn’t selfish. Hell, I think it might even help you to not go back to your old, definitely selfish ways.’ Not that that would be inherently bad, seeing as how you are a god? I wasn’t sure about that.

Apollo stared ahead of himself. ‘Now you sound like a therapist yourself. I guess… I guess Dionysus taught you well.’ He stared at his can. ‘I’ll… I’ll think about it. But, you need to get some sleep…’

‘It is like… eight ‘O clock.’ 

‘Doesn’t matter. The sun is going to sleep early today too, you know.’

I drank the last bit of mango fizz out of my can. ‘I mean it, Apollo,’ I said quietly. ‘You deserve to get help, you worked so hard to get to the point you are at right now…’ 

He shrugged, but nodded a little more confident. ‘Hm.’ He patted my head once, which was a little weird, but alright. ‘I am just glad that I did not give you another trauma, Nico.’ 

‘You really didn’t, Apollo.’

He smiled, a little more sincere. The next moment, he was gone, but the can was still resting on his chair. 

A/N: I did not want to write both about Dionysus talking to Nico and Apollo talking to Nico, because that would just be writing the same story twice. And I thought Apollo had the more interesting side to show. Not that he would take Dionysus’ place, I wouldn’t dream of it! There is already so little Dionysus fanfiction as it is! 

Apollo has some trouble with the idea of therapy. Maybe I’ll write that too someday, if it wasn’t for the fact that I have a million ideas in my backlog already. That being said: I have got everything planned until chapter 49... now time to write it.