#baseless assumption ( head canons )

[secret-tacos]

my response.

yesterday, i was ''called out'' by @deathmetalyaoi. i put that in quotation marks because OP has stated this is not a callout post, but a ''warning to people in the fandom'' in an effort to ''cut off the diseased tissue at the source'', positioning this as not only something good but necessary, justified, and righteous.

let's unpack that.

my ''ides of march'' event was not a ''most controversial dead dove'' contest, and implying as such is a deliberate misreading of the situation.

i don't actually have a copy of the original post, which has been deleted for over 3 months, so i'll be using this screencap from deathmetalyaoi to illustrate my point--

the explicit intent of the event was to promote and create dark content. i created this as a direct response to events like the christmas and valentines ones -- not because i had an issue with them, but because i wanted to see content that was more accurate to the dark and brutal show that i fell in love with.

deathmetalyaoi later posted a clarification which proved to be a deliberate misreading of the situation, moving me from ''aggressor'' to ''victim'' and misgendering me in the process--

i want to set the record straight -- the original prompt list was my idea and mine alone. this includes murder, gore, stalking, cannibalism, and torture, all of which are concepts that frequently happen within the show that we all claim to have watched.

when i was creating this event, i spoke with basu, who urged me to include nsfw prompt options, and insisted on having incest be one of the options, despite my reluctance. we have spoken about this, she has apologized.

shortly after posting the event advertisement, it was screencapped and posted in a discord that i was also in, where several people made baseless accusations about me (including that i was a pedophile, that i hated survivors, that my event was edgy and baseless and devoid of any merit), leading me to delete the post. several of those people are now liking and reblogging the original callout and using that as an excuse to pat themselves on the back for being ''against harassment'' and ''doing the right thing''.

deathmetalyaoi refuses to speak to me or ask me for clarification -- all they've done is throw around extremely serious accusations and play with people as if they're paper dolls. but, i'll bite. deathmetalyaoi is implying that i -- and the other people named in that post -- are bad people, while they, by contrast, are good.

so, who IS deathmetalyaoi?

deathmetalyaoi is a 22 year old person who claims to have DID -- a serious condition that real people suffer from -- with their primary alter being pickles the drummer from metalocalypse.

they frequently suicide bait, beg for money to escape toxic living situations, and then spend the money on luxury purchases before going back to begging for money.

they also like to go through people's blogs and find old receipts to hold over their heads.

and leave rude comments on fanfiction they dislike -- primarily of the explosiontooth/tickles variety, as they operate under the ableist assumption that toki, as a canonical age regressor and potentially autistic character, is a child incapable of making decisions by himself.

they also like to use their labels (primarily being trans and autistic) to label anyone who does not agree with them as bigoted.

here's another example of them begging for money and then misusing it -- they seem to have a habit of remaking blogs whenever people catch on.

they also make music labeled as lolicore -- this is a genre originating on 4chan which primarily gets its name from the sampling of lolicon porn. they claim the name is purely ironic and that using it does not make them a pedophile, which is correct. however, in the same breath, they also accuse triplefaggot of being a pedophile for drawing an au where toki and murderface are safe for work, fully clothed, unsexualized children, implying that simply using the word 'loli', even if ironic, is unacceptable and cause for cancellation.

to be quite frank -- this hurt me. i am upset. this is a show that brings me a lot of comfort, and several real life incidents occurring in close proximity have left me desperately in need of that comfort. i don't like the idea of having to walk on eggshells to avoid being raked over the coals by a fandom perpetually hyperfixated on the idea of ''moral purity'' -- the idea that wrong step can leave you irredeemable, and that it is your god-given duty to lambast this person for being impure, lest everybody else believe you, too, are Bad.

there is no such thing as a person without sin. the best people fuck up and make mistakes and don't think straight and act based on emotion all the damn time. you are never going to find your perfect fandom darling, and cultivating an environment where everybody is paranoid of being attacked for having beliefs that differ from yours is not only pointless, but specifically, objectively cruel -- you have accomplished nothing beyond making people afraid in a space meant to be about enjoying a cartoon and making a fool out of yourself.

i know that you aren't going to read this, @deathmetalyaoi, because you blatantly ignore anything that paints you as being incorrect. at the very most, you're going to make a text post about how people are being mean to you when all you want to do is think about nathan and pickles kissing sloppy style, and people will shower you in sympathy and pictures of kittens and puppies.

but i'll know, and that's enough for me. i'm not doing this to call you out, nor am i trying to warn people -- it's my honest response. you get what you give.

[songofthesibyl]

I try not to look at the more extreme anti-Tamlin posts anymore (the “For You” page is not a safe space). It’s too confrontational, which then gives me anxiety. But I do still allow liked and suggested posts on my dash, and occasionally I see hints of drama and start to go down the rabbit hole before I stop myself. It’s always sad to see someone new to the fandom, or at least the tumblr-specific part, post all the time, engaged and enthusiastic—then the inevitable post that they are taking a break, or altogether leaving the fandom because they are too angry, disheartened, and/or are being harassed. Because with the anti-Tamlin stuff, it’s never just about the character, or disagreeing with someone else’s head canon/argument/opinion of him—it’s just as often about the people who like him. Post after post of all kinds of baseless assumptions, beyond the standard “abuser apologist” or “pick me girl.” Treating his fans as an alien species, some experiment gone horribly wrong. It makes me feel bad to see, but it doesn’t cut too deeply because they don’t know me, and I do. It’s still annoying, though, and I don’t like seeing how it affects others.

A bit more tolerable—but barely—are the more patronizing posts lately. Things like “you can like Tamlin or Eris I guess,” or “it’s ok if you think Tamlin is interesting, but—“ And it’s amusing, like I’ve been done some sort of favor. Thank you, Random Internet Asshole, for telling me it’s ok to find a fictional character interesting. I was waiting with bated breath for your blessing. But you overestimate how much shame I have left, and how freeing that is.

[cosmicjoke]

I hope in the nearing future all Levi x Oc/ Levi x reader shippers see how mentally delusional you all are. I know for a fact your weirdo behavior will be frown upon soon. Also keep in your lane and shut your mouth up about Satosugu and other gay ships. We all knew your group of weirdos will start coming after every gay ship that makes y'all itch.

And that bullshit you all spew about not being homophobic because you have gay relatives is funny as hell. My Dad has a gay son and he's still homophobic so you all did nothing with that bullcrap

Even if you claim Levi isn't gay, it doesn't stop your friends from writing Levi x original male characters. But you guys don't because your homophobic asses can't handle the thought of him being bisexual even though isayama himself said he likes to see Levi with men by calling himself a Levi yaoi enjoyer. If he had said he likes seeing Levi with red haired women you all would have eaten that up. I think it was just fair that that anon called you all retarded. I was giggling so hard. Saying this as a Satosugu shipper btw. Again, tell your friends to not add us into your dumbass discord.

Oh. It's you. You're back, huh? Haven't had enough of getting your ass handed to you? Well, some people just don't know when to quit.

You "giggled" when "that anon" called us "retards"? Tell me you're a 12 year old boy without telling me you're a 12 year old boy.

You're accusing me of being a self-shipper, but everyone who follows me and pays even the most moderate amount of attention knows I don't ship Levi with anyone, including self-shipping. I make it a point again and again to reiterate that about myself. But then, that's all people like you have, isn't it? There's nothing to actually back up your deluded insistence that Levi is gay or in love with Erwin, but you're so deliriously obsessed with the notion, that any time anyone actually points it out, the only thing you can resort to is accusations of bigotry and the pitiful attempt to frame every other ship as "delusional" and "perverse", as if that somehow serves as proof of Levi's romantic interest in Erwin, or anyone else. The only thing it serves as proof of is your pathological inability to accept reality.

I don't claim anything about Levi's sexuality, one way or the other, because there's nothing in canon, or in Isayama's interviews, which addresses Levi's sexuality, period. Everything you say, everything you claim, every psychologically warped belief you hold about Levi, is based on nothing but conjecture, assumption, speculation and theory rooted in conspiracy. You literally have no foundation for anything you claim.

We don't know if Levi is gay, or straight, or asexual, or bisexual. And we don't know because it's irrelevant to his character. You and your ilk are the only ones who can't seem to accept that irrefutable fact, and you and your ilk are the only ones who are dumb enough, and pathetic enough, to reduce a character who's romantic life and sexual orientation have no bearing whatsoever on his actual story and person, and make it the only thing about him that you talk about or care about. You base your entire interaction and relationship to this piece of art on something that only exists in your head, and then you spend all your time online harassing people over it, bullying and insulting them, and accusing them of the very things you yourself are guilty of, all for the horrific crime of pointing out to you that your delusions, I'm so sorry to reiterate, aren't canon.

You aren't a Levi fan. You aren't even an Erwin fan. You aren't a fan of Gojo either, or of Geto. You're a fan of your own fantasies. Something which has zero relation or connection to Isayama's actual work, or to Gege's work either.

But keep trying. Keep making baseless accusations about people you know nothing about. It tracks for you, perfectly. After all, your entire fandom experience revolves around baseless, foundationless fantasy, so you might as well go all the way, and make your interactions with other people just as tightly wrapped in delusion and self-soothing lies.

[on-a-roll-pokemon]

Tag Dump

[yamayuandadu]

The Two (or more) Ishtars or A Certain Scandalous Easter Claim Proved to be The Worship of Reverend Alexander Hislop

Once upon a time the official facebook page of Richard Dawkins' foundation posted a graphic according to which the holiday of Easter is just a rebranded celebration of the Mesopotamian mythology superstar Ishtar, arguing that the evidence is contained in its very name. As everyone knows, Dawkins is an online talking head notable for discussing his non-belief in such an euphoric way that it might turn off even the most staunch secularists and for appearing in some reasonably funny memes about half a decade ago. Bizarrely enough, however, the same claim can be often found among the crowds dedicated to crystal healing, Robert Graves' mythology fanfiction, indigo children and similar dubiously esoteric content. What's yet more surprising is that once in a while it shows up among a certain subset of fundamentalist Christians, chiefly the types who believe giants are real (and, of course, satanic), the world  is ruled by a secret group of Moloch worshipers and fossils were planted by the devil to led the sheeple astray from the truth about earth being 6000 years old, tops. Of course, to anyone even just vaguely familiar with Christianity whose primary language isn't English this claim rightfully seems completely baffling – after all it's evident in most languages that the name of the holiday celebrating Jesus' resurrection, and many associated customs, are derived from the earlier Jewish Pascha (Passover) which has nothing to do with Ishtar other than having its origin in the Middle East. Why would the purported association only be evident  in English and not in Aramaic, Greek, Latin, Spanish, virtually any language other than English and its close relatives – languages which generally didn't have anything to do with Mesopotamia or early christianity? Read on to find out what sort of sources let this eclectic selection of characters arrive to the same baffling conclusion, why are they hilariously wrong, and – most importantly – where you can actually find a variety of Ishtars (or at least reasonably Ishtar-like figures) under different names instead.

The story of baffling Easter claims begins in Scotland in the 19th century. A core activity of theologians in many faiths through history was (and sometimes still is) finding alleged proof of purported “idolatry” or other “impure” practices among ideological opponents, even these from within the same religion – and a certain Presbyterian minister, Alexander Hislop, was no stranger to this traditional pastime. Like many Protestants in this period, he had an axe to grind with the catholic church  - though not for the reasons many people are not particularly fond of this institution nowadays. What Hislop wanted to prove was much more esoteric – he believed that it's the Babylon known from the Book of Revelations. Complete with the beast with seven heads, blasphemous names and other such paraphernalia, of course. This wasn't a new claim – catholicism was equated with the New Testament Babylon for as long as Protestantism was a thing (and earlier catholicism itself regarded other religions as representing it). What set Hislop apart from dozens of other similar attempts like that was that he fancied himself a scholar of history and relied on the brand new accounts of excavations in what was once the core sphere of influence of the Assyrian empire (present day Iraq and Syria), supplemented by various Greek and Roman classics – though also by his own ideas, generally varying from baseless to completely unhinged. Hislop compiled his claims in the book The Two Babylons or The Papal Worship Proved to be the Worship of Nimrod and His Wife. You can find it on archive.org if you want to torment yourself and read the entire thing – please do not give clicks directly to any fundie sites hosting it though. How does the history of Easter and Ishtar look like according to Hislop? Everything started with Semiramis, who according to his vision was a historical figure and a contemporary of Noah's sons, here also entirely historical. Semiramis is either entirely fictional or a distorted Greek and Roman account of the 9th century BC Assyrian queen Shammuramat, who ruled as a regent for a few years after the death of her husband Shamshi Adad V – an interesting piece of historical trivia, but arguably not really a historical milestone, and by the standards of Mesopotamian history she's hardly a truly ancient figure. Hislop didn't even rely on the primary sources dealing with the legend of Semiramis though, but with their medieval christian interpretations, which cast her in the role of an adulterer first and foremost due to association of ancient Mesopotamia with any and all vices.

Hislop claims that Semiramis was both the Whore of Babylon from the Book of Revelations and the first idolater, instituting worship of herself as a goddess. This goddess, he argues, was Astarte (a combination of two flimsy claims – Roman claim that Semiramis' name means “dove” and now generally distrusted assumption that Phoenician Astarte had the same symbols as Greek Aphrodite) and thus Ishtar, but he also denotes her as a mother goddess – which goes against everything modern research has to say about Ishtar, of course. However, shoddy scholarship relying on few sources was the norm at the time, and Hislop on top of that was driven by religious zeal. In further passages, he identified this “universal mother” with Phrygian Cybele, Greek Rhea and Athena, Egyptian Isis, Taoist Xi Wangmu (sic) and many more, pretty much at random, arguing all of them were aspects of nefarious Semiramis cult which infected all corners of the globe. He believed that she was venerated alongside a son-consort, derived from Semiramis' even more fictional husband Ninus (a mythical founder of Assyria according to Greek authors, absent from any Mesopotamian sources; his name was derived from Nineveh, not from any word for son like Hislop claims), who he identifies with biblical Nimrod (likewise not a historical figure, probably a distorted reflection of the god Ninurta). Note the similarity with certain ideas perpetrated by Frazer's Golden Bough and his later fans like Jung, Graves and many neopagan authors – pseudohistory, regardless of ideological background, has a very small canon of genuinely original claims. Ishtar was finally introduced to Britain by “druids” (note once again the similarity to the baffling integration of random Greek, Egyptian or Mesopotamian deities into Graves-derived systems of fraudulent trivia about “universal mother goddesses” often using an inaccurate version of Celtic myths as framework). This eventually lead to the creation of the holiday of Easter. Pascha doesn't come up in the book at all, as far as I can tell. All of this is basically just buildup for the book's core shocking reveal: catholic veneration of Mary and depictions of Mary with infant Jesus in particular are actually the worship of Semiramis and her son-consort Ninus, and only the truly faithful can reveal this evil purpose of religious art. At least so claims Hislop. This bizarre idea is laughable, but it remains disturbingly persistent – do you remember the Chick Tracts memes from a few years ago, for example? These comics were in part inspired by Hislop's work. Many fundamentalist christian communities appear to hold his confabulations in high esteem up to this day – and many people who by design see themselves as a countercultural opposition to christianity independently gleefully embrace them, seemingly ignorant of their origin. While there are many articles debunking Hislop's claim about Easter, few of them try to show how truly incomprehensibly bad his book is as a whole – hopefully the following examples will be sufficient to illustrate this point: -Zoroaster is connected to Moloch because of the Zoroastrian holy fire - and Moloch is, of course Ninus. Note that while a few Greek authors believed Zoroaster to be the “king of Bactria” mythical accounts presented as a contemporary of Ninus, the two were regarded as enemies – Hislop doesn't even follow the pseudohistory he uses as proof! -Zoroaster is also Tammuz. Tammuz is, of course, yet another aspect of Ninus. -demonic character is ascribed to relics of the historical Buddha; also he's Osiris. And Ninus. -an incredibly racist passage explains why the biblical Nimrod (identified with – you guessed it - Ninus) might be regarded as “ugly and deformed” like Haephestus and thus identical to him (no, it makes no sense in context either) - Hislop thinks he was black (that's not the word he uses, naturally) which to him is the same thing. -Attis is a deification of sin itself -the pope represents Dagon (incorrectly interpreted as a fish god in the 19th century) -Baal and Bel are two unrelated words – this is meant to justify the historicity of the Tower of Babel by asserting it was built by Ninus, who was identical to Bel (in reality a title of Marduk); Bel, according to Hislop, means “the confounder (of languages)” rather than “lord” -the term “cannibal” comes from a made up term for priests of Baal (Ninus) who according to Hislop ate children. In reality it's a Spanish corruption of the endonym of one of the first tribes encountered by the Spanish conquerors in America, and was not a word used in antiquity – also, as I discussed in my Baal post, the worship of Baal did not involve cannibalism. This specific claim of Hislop's is popular with the adherents of prophetic doomsday cult slash wannabe terrorist group QAnon today, and shows up on their “redpilling” graphics. -Ninus was also Cronos; Cronos' name therefore meant “horned one” in reference to Mesopotamian bull/horned crown iconography and many superficially similar gods from all over the world were the same as him - note the similarity to Margaret Murray's obsession with her made up idea of worldwide worship of a “horned god” (later incorporated into Wicca). -Phaeton, Orpheus and Aesculapius are the same figure and analogous to Lucifer (and in turn to Ninus) -giants are real and they're satanists (or were, I think Hislop argues they're dead already). They are (were?) also servants of Ninus. -as an all around charming individual Hislop made sure to include a plethora of comments decrying the practices of various groups at random as digressions while presenting his ridiculous theories – so, while learning about the forbidden history of Easter, one can also learn why the author thinks Yezidi are satanists, for example -last but not least, the very sign of the cross is not truly christian but constitutes the worship of Tammuz, aka Ninus (slowly losing track of how many figures were regarded as one and the same as him by Hislop). Based on the summary above it's safe to say that Hislop's claim is incorrect – and, arguably, malevolent (and as such deserves scrutiny, not further possibilities for spreading). However, this doesn't answer the question where does the name of Easter actually come from? As I noted in the beginning, in English (and also German) it's a bit of an oddity – it  actually was derived from a preexisting pagan term, at least if we are to believe the word of the monk Bede, who in the 8th century wrote that the term is a derivative of “Eosturmonath,” eg. “month of Eostre” - according to him a goddess. There are no known inscriptions mentioning such a goddess from the British Isles or beyond, though researchers involved in reconstructing proto-indo-european language assume that “Eostre” would logically be a derivative of the same term as  the name of the Greek Eos and of the vedic Ushas, and the Austriahenae goddesses from Roman inscriptions from present day Germany  – eg.  a word simply referring to dawn, and by extension to a goddess embodying it. This is a sound, well researched theory, so while early medieval chroniclers sometimes cannot be trusted, I see no reason to doubt Bede's account.

While Ushas is a prominent goddess in the Vedas, Eos was rather marginal in Greek religion (see her Theoi entry for details), and it's hard to tell to what degree Bede's Eostre was similar to either of them beyond plausibly being a personification of dawn. Of course, the hypothetical proto-indo-european dawn goddess all of these could be derived from would have next to nothing to do with Ishtar. While the history of the name of Easter (though not the celebration itself) is undeniably interesting, I suppose it lacks the elements which make the fake Ishtar claim a viral hit – the connection is indirect, and an equivalent of the Greek Eos isn't exactly exciting (Eos herself is, let be honest, remembered at best as an obscure part of the Odyssey), while Ishtar is understood by many as “wicked” sex goddess (a simplification, to put it very lightly) which adds a scandalous, sacrilegious dimension to the baffling lie, explaining its appeal to Dawkins' fans, arguably. As demonstrated above, Hislop's theories are false and adapting them for any new context – be it christian, atheist or neopagan – won't change that, but are there any genuine examples of, well, “hidden Ishtars”? If that's the part of the summary which caught your attention, rejoice – there is a plenty of these to be found in Bronze Age texts. I'd go as far as saying that most of ancient middle eastern cultures from that era felt compelled to include an Ishtar ersatz in their pantheons. Due to the popularity of the original Ishtar, she was almost a class of figures rather than a single figure – a situation almost comparable to modern franchising, when you think about it. The following figures can be undeniably regarded as “Ishtar-like” in some capacity or even as outright analogs:

Astarte (or Ashtart, to go with a more accurate transcription of the oldest recorded version of the name) – the most direct counterpart of Ishtar there is: a cognate of her own name. Simply, put Astarte is the “Levantine”equivalent of the “Mesopotamian” Ishtar. In the city of Mari, the names were pretty much used interchangeably, and some god lists equate them, though Astarte had a fair share of distinct traits. In Ugaritic mythology, which forms the core of our understanding of the western Semitic deities, she was a warrior and hunter (though it's possible that in addition to conventional weapons she was also skilled at wielding curses), and was usually grouped with Anat. Both of them were regarded as the allies of Baal, and assist him against his enemies in various myth. They also were envisioned to spend a lot of time together – one ritual calls them upon as a pair from distant lands where they're hunting together, while a fragmentary myth depicts both of them arriving in the household of the head god El and taking pity on Yarikh, the moon god, seemingly treated as a pariah. Astarte's close relation to Baal is illustrated by her epithet, “face of Baal” or “of the name of Baal.” They were often regarde as a couple and even late, Hellenic sources preserve a traditional belief that Astarte and “Adados” (Baal) ruled together as a pair. In some documents from Ugarit concerned with what we would call foreign policy today they were invoked together as the most prominent deities. It's therefore possible that she had some role related to human politics. She was regarded as exceptionally beautiful and some texts favorably describe mortal women's appearance by comparing them to Astarte. In later times she was regarded as a goddess of love, but it's unclear if that was a significant aspect of her in the Bronze Age. It's equally unclear if she shared Ishtar's astral character – in Canaan there were seemingly entirely separate dawn and dusk deities. Despite clamis you might see online, Astarte was not the same as the mother goddess Asherah. In the Baal cycle they actually belong to the opposing camps. Additionally, the names are only superficially similar (one starts with an aleph, the other with an ayin) and have different etymology. Also, that famous sculpture of a very blatantly Minoan potnia theron? Ugaritic in origin but not a depiction of either Astarte or Asherah.

The Egyptians, due to extensive contact with Canaan and various Syrian states in the second half of the Bronze Age, adapted Astarte (and by extension Anat) into their own pantheon. Like in Ugarit, her warrior character was emphasized. An Egyptian innovation was depicting her as a cavalry goddess of sorts – associated with mounted combat and chariots. In Egypt, Ptah, the head god of Memphis and divine craftsman, was regarded as her father. In most texts, Astarte is part of Seth's inner circle of associates – however, in this context Seth wasn't the slayer of Osiris, but a heroic storm god similar to Baal. The so-called Astarte papyrus presents an account of a myth eerily similar to the Ugaritic battle between Baal and Yam – starring Seth as the hero, with Astarte in a supporting role resembling that played by Shaushka, another Ishtar analog, in the Hittite song of Hedammu, which will be discussed below.

Shaushka – a Hurrian and Hittite goddess whose name means “the magnificent one” in the Hurrian language. Hurrian was widely spoken in ancient Mesopotamia and Anatolia (and in northernmost parts of the Levant – up to one fifth of personal names from Ugaritic documents were Hurrian iirc), but has no descendants today and its relation to any extant languages is uncertain. In Hittite texts she was often referred to with an “akkadogram” denoting Ishtar's name (or its Sumerian equivalent) instead of a phonetic  spelling of her own (there was an analogous practice regarding the sun gods), while in Egyptian and Syrian texts there are a few references to “Ishtar Hurri” - “Ishtar of the Hurrians” - who is argued by researchers to be one and the same as Shaushka. Despite Shaushka's Hurrian name and her prominence in myths popular both among Hittites and Hurrians, her main cult center was the Assyrian city of Nineveh, associated with Ishtar herself as well, and there were relatively few temples dedicated to her in the core Hittite sphere of influence in Anatolia. Curiously, both the oldest reference to Shaushka and to the city of Nineveh come from the same text, stating that a sheep was sacrificed to her there. While most of her roles overlap with Ishtar's (she too was associated with sex, warfare and fertility), here are two distinct features of Shaushka that set her apart as unique: one is the fact she was perceived in part as a masculine deity, despite being consistently described as a woman – in the famous Yazılıkaya reliefs she appears twice, both among gods and goddesses. In Alalakh she was depicted in outfits combining elements of male and female clothing. Similar fashion preferences were at times attributed to Ninshubur, the attendant of Ishtar's Sumerian forerunner Inanna – though in that case they were likely the result of conflation of Ninshubur with the male messenger deity Papsukkal, while in the case of Shaushka the dual nature seems to be inherent to her (I haven't seen any in depth study of this matter yet, sadly, so I can't really tell confidently which modern term in my opinion describes Shaushka's character the best). Her two attendants, musician goddesses Ninatta and Kulitta, do not share it. Shaushka's other unique niche is her role in exorcisms and incantations, and by extension with curing various diseases – this role outlived her cult itself, as late Assyrian inscriptions still associated the “Ishtar of Nineveh” (at times viewed as separate from the regular Ishtar) with healing. It can be argued that even her sexual aspect was connected to healing, as she was invoked to cure impotence. The most significant myth in which she appears is the cycle dedicated to documenting the storm god's (Teshub for the Hurrians, Tarhunna for the Hittites) rise to power. Shaushka is depicted as his sister and arguably most reliable ally, and plays a prominent role in two sections in particular – the Song of Hedammu and the Song of Ullikummi. In the former, she seemingly comes up with an elaborate plan to defeat a new enemy of her brother - the sea monster Hedammu - by performing a seductive dance and song montage (with her attendants as a support act) and offering an elixir to him. The exact result is uncertain, but Hedammu evidently ends up vanquished. In the latter, she attempts to use the same gambit against yet another new foe, the “diorite man” Ullikummi – however, since he is unfeeling like a rock, she fails; some translators see this passage as comedic. However, elsewhere in the Song, the storm god's main enemy Kumarbi and his minions view Shaushka as a formidable warrior, and in the early installment of the cycle, Song of LAMMA, she seemingly partakes in a fight. In another myth, known only from a few fragments and compared to the Sumerian text “Inanna and the huluppu tree,” Shaushka takes care of “Ḫašarri” -  a personification of olive oil, or a sentient olive tree. It seems that she has to protect this bizarre entity from various threats. While Shaushka lived on in Mesopotamia as “Ishtar of Nineveh,” this was far from the only “variant”of Ishtar in her homeland.

Nanaya was another such goddess. A few Sumerian hymns mention her alongside Inanna, the Sumerian equivalent of Ishtar, by the time of Sargon of Akkad virtually impossible to separate from her. As one composition puts it, Nanaya was “properly educated by holy Inana” and “counselled by holy Inana.” Initially she was most likely a part of Inanna's circle of deities in her cult center, Uruk, though due to shared character they eventually blurred together to a large degree. Just like Inanna/Ishtar, Nanaya was a goddess of love, described as beautiful and romantically and sexually active, and she too had an astral character. She was even celebrated during the same holidays as Inanna. Some researchers go as far as suggest Nanaya was only ever Inanna/Ishtar in her astral aspect alone and not a separate goddess. However, there is also evidence of her, Inanna and the sky god An being regarded as a trinity of distinct tutelary deities in Uruk. Additionally, king Melishipak's kudurru shown above shows both Nanaya (seated) and Ishtar/Inanna (as a star). Something peculiar to Nanaya was her later association with the scribe god Nabu. Sometimes Nabu's consort was the the goddess Tashmetu instead, but I can't find any summary explaining potential differences between them – it seems just like Nanaya, she was a goddess of love, including its physical aspects. Regardless of the name used to describe Nabu's wife, she was regarded as a sage and scribe like him – this arguably gives her a distinct identity she lacked in her early role as part of Inanna's circle. As the above examples demonstrate, the popularity of the “Ishtar type” was exceptional in the Bronze Age – but is it odd from a modern perspective? The myths dedicated to her are still quite fun to read today – much like any hero of ancient imagination she has a plethora of adversaries, a complex love life (not to mention many figures not intended to be read as her lovers originally but described in such terms that it's easy to see them this way today – including other women), a penchant for reckless behavior – and most importantly a consistent, easy to summarize character. She shouldn't be a part of modern mass consciousness only because of false 19th century claims detached from her actual character (both these from Hislop's works and “secular”claims about her purported “real”character based on flimsy reasoning and shoddy sources) – isn't a female character who is allowed to act about the same way as male mythical figures do without being condemned for it pretty much what many modern mythology retellings try to create? Further reading: On Astarte: -entry in the Iconography of Deities and Demons in Ancient Near East database by Izak Cornelius -‛Athtart in Late Bronze Age Syrian Texts by Mark S. Smith -ʿAthtartu’s Incantations and the Use of Divine Names as Weapons by Theodore J. Lewis -The Other Version of the Story of the Storm-god’s Combat with the Sea in the Light of Egyptian, Ugaritic, and Hurro-Hittite Texts by Noga Ayali-Darshan -for a summary of evidence that Astarte has nothing to do with Asherah see A Reassessment of Asherah With Further Considerations of the Goddess by Steve A. Wiggins On Shaushka: -Adapting Mesopotamian Myth in Hurro-Hittite Rituals at Hattuša: IŠTAR, the Underworld, and the Legendary Kings by Mary R. Bacharova -Ishtar seduces the Sea-serpent. A new join in the epic of Ḫedammu (KUB 36, 56 + 95) and its meaning for the battle between Baal and Yam in Ugaritic tradition by Meindert Dijkstra -Ištar of Nineveh Reconsidered by Gary Beckman -Shaushka, the Traveling Goddess by Graciela Gestoso Singer -Hittite Myths by Harry A. Hoffner jr. -The Hurritic Myth about Šaušga of Nineveh and Ḫašarri (CTH 776.2) by Meindert Dijkstra -The West Hurian Pantheon and its Background by Alfonso Archi On Nanaya: -entry in Brill’s New Pauly by Thomas Richter -entry from the Ancient Mesopotamian Gods and Goddesses project by Ruth Horry -A tigi to Nanaya for Ishbi-Erra from The Electronic Text Corpus of Sumerian Literature -A balbale to Inana as Nanaya from The Electronic Text Corpus of Sumerian Literature -More Light on Nanaya by Michael P. Streck and Nathan Wasserman -More on the Nature and History of the Goddess Nanaya by Piotr Steinkeller A few introductory Ishtar/Inanna myths: -Inanna's descent to the netherworld -Inanna and the huluppu tree -Inanna and Enki -Enki and the world order -Inanna and Ebih -Dumuzid and Enkimdu

[paper-n-ashes]

sparks and embers - chapter 13

Characters: Kylo Ren x Original Female Character, Poe Dameron x Original Female Character

Story Tags: Explicit (18+), Canon Compliant/Divergent (Set after TLJ), First Person POV, Love Triangle, Slow Burn, Enemies to Lovers, Porn with Plot, Hurt/Comfort, Kylo Ren hates Poe Dameron

Chapter 13 - Exposure

Words: 5.5k

Chapter Tags/Warnings: Descriptions medical procedures

Read on AO3 or Start from the beginning

~

“Alex! You’re okay!”

“So are you!” I burst, eyes already wet with tears of relief. My gaze darted over the holoprojection of Poe’s face, his brilliant smile beaming through from lightyears away.

“You have no idea how glad I am to see you,” he grinned, leaning closer into the holo. “We’ve been trying to make this contact for weeks.”

A dazzling joy surged in my chest, so happy that my assumptions of being forgotten were baseless. “Did you complete your mission?”

“You’re talking to the best pilot in the galaxy here.” He shot me a charming wink, maintaining his smile. “Actually made it back a few days ahead of schedule.”

Tears continued to dribble out, attempting to calm myself with a shaky exhale. “I’ve been so worried.”

Poe’s expression turned earnest. “I was going to say the same thing.” His expression fell, looking down. “I didn’t want to leave you there. I’m… I’m so sorry Alex. We’re all sorry.”

“It’s alright,” I soothed. “It was the right thing to do at the time. Did you all safely make it back to the base?”

“Left just in time to avoid their tracking systems. So your sacrifice wasn’t for nothing.”

“Indeed it wasn’t,” a woman’s voice agreed, her instantly recognisable image appearing in front of me moments later.

Leia Organa.

“I’m so glad to finally put a face to the person who saved my best fighters.”

I was awestruck at the sight of the entrancing older woman, with kind yet determined eyes looking right at me. “Well… uh… They were the ones who protected me against the Death troopers. I really didn’t do anything.”

She shook her head, smiling warmly. “We all know what you did, what you’ve endured because of your selflessness.”

“What I’ve endured?”

“We have recently gained a Resistance spy within the First Order, the one who directed you to this holoprojector,” Poe started explaining. “They’ve been keeping an eye on you. Sending us intel about your condition.”

I thought of the blonde, curled hair I glimpsed a few minutes ago, not recalling ever seeing it before. Whoever it was had obviously done his reconnaissance at a distance. “The cell stay wasn’t exactly easy,” I conceded, looking sincerely to Poe. “But I’m managing better now.”

A glaring lie.

“One thing they couldn’t tell us Alex,” Leia started, her expression now troubled. “Is why exactly they’re keeping you on the Finalizer. Our spy hasn’t been able to collect any information about the subject. To me, it seems a little... bizarre you’re being forced to work for them.”

I was stuck on how to begin to formulate an answer when a commotion from behind the two figures made them turn around.

“I heard you finally made contact!” Rey’s voice excitedly cheered from somewhere in the room, her image quickly arriving into view, displaying an enthusiastic grin as she huddled in next to Leia. “Alex! I’m so glad to see you!”

I returned a warming smile, her sunny disposition difficult not to mirror.

“Oh thank the maker,” Finn heaved, sliding alongside Rey, the four figures now pressed closely into the outline of the holo, Poe seeming faintly annoyed at the intrusion. “If I had to live through one more day of Poe ranting about this stealth signal not getting through, I was gonna go insane.”

Poe was already looking to me when I glanced at his face, an unspoken understanding exchanging between us. “Well now since apparently we’re all here,” he huffed, “Can we actually get back to the issue at hand? We’ve only got a limited amount of time before this signal becomes compromised, and the hard-lock on Alex’s comm-room door overrides.”

Leia nodded in agreement and looked at me again. “Do you know why they’re holding you there Alex?”

I was weighted with a heavy dose of terror in giving my answer, my stare shooting immediately to Rey. Her smile had faded, instead she wore an expression of reassurance.

She hadn’t told them.

“I… I… uh…” I stammered, a flurry of emotions spinning in my brain. I was so sure she would have exposed me.

“It’s okay Alex,” Rey insisted, her tone calming. “I know why you’re scared. I completely understand why you kept it a secret. But we won’t harm you because of it. I promise.”

All eyes darted to Rey, each face breaking into confusion.

Poe was the only one to say what they were all thinking. “What are you talking about?”

I felt my chest begin to tighten, oxygen becoming a little harder to grasp onto. “I’m not ready,” I whispered.

Rey’s appearance was comforting, yet serious. “It’s time. You may not be ready, but sometimes we don’t get the choice.”

I inhaled deeply, scrunching my lids closed, trying to build some sort of confidence to reject the instincts and rules I had been abiding by all these years. A lifetime of keeping my gift undisclosed, hiding it away, never getting too close to anyone, had left me more attached to my secret than anything else in the galaxy. Fear had always kept it’s hold, guiding my actions, and it was pulling at me again now, trying to warn me of the danger once more. But if I didn’t tell them, Rey would be forced to.

And above anything else, I wanted Poe to hear it from me.

“I can… use the Force,” I said slowly, most likely out loud for the first time in my life. “I taught myself… how to heal others with it, when they were close to death.” There was an excruciating silence as Poe, Leia and Finn comprehended my answer, each wearing a different expression of realisation. My stare was only focused on Poe, trying to properly gauge his reaction to my admittance of lying. “I didn’t want anyone to find out, so I’d also learnt how to hide it - to prevent other force-sensitive people from feeling my energy, from hearing my thoughts.”

“Why?” Leia asked gently. “Why were you so afraid?”

“My parents were distrustful of those who were attuned to the Force after living through a time where Darth Vader wreaked havoc on the galaxy. They told me old stories of little children being taken away from their families to be trained as Jedi, only to have all of them massacred, even the younglings. They made it seem like the most dangerous thing in the world was being someone with that gift. So even as a child, when I felt the power growing within, I pushed it down, hid it away. I didn’t want to fight in any wars, and I didn’t want to be killed. I just… wanted a normal life.”

Both Rey and Leia were nodding with me as I spoke, seeming to understand my decision.

“That’s why you were on Raxus. So isolated,” Poe murmured, not looking at me.

“Yes. I kept it a secret for as long as I could, all through my training, only using this power sporadically through the years. But I was too close to being caught whilst working in a medical camp on the Inner Rim, during a skirmish the First Order instigated on a planet because of their resources. A Stormtrooper noticed me healing one of the planet’s inhabitants, one whom he was sure he’d rendered on the brink of death. He wanted to take me to his leader, claiming he would have good use for someone with my abilities. I managed to escape him and ran, giving up my job, my home, all without telling anyone where I was going. I settled on Raxus, built my clinic, rarely having to use my power, never really worrying about being caught again. Until... Poe crashed on my doorstep.”

“And you had to use it then, didn’t you?” Rey assumed, obviously a question she had been waiting to ask. I nodded.

Finn’s eyes sparkled. “I knew it! I knew there was a reason he healed so quickly.”

The death stare Rey shot to him was severe in intensity, and under any other circumstance I would have thought it was funny. But my focus was centred completely on Poe’s expression as he remained engrossed in deliberation, his eyes still not reaching back to me.

“Is this why they’re keeping you held on the Finalizer? They wish to utilize your power to heal?” Leia guessed.

“They don’t know about it.”

Each of their expressions turned to disbelief.

“How? Surely Kylo Ren would have rummaged through your mind the minute you got on that ship,” Finn burst, turning to Rey. “That’s what he did to you right?” She nodded in agreement, still looking to me for my answer.

“I was able to keep him out, like I did to you Rey,” I replied.

Rey seemed impressed, and a realisation clicked behind her eyes. “That’s why he won’t let you leave. He hasn’t figured out why."

I became uneasy, suddenly worrying about the blame I’d been placing on her. “He thinks it’s because of you, that you’ve somehow placed a block around my mind. And I... didn’t exactly correct him.”

Rey let a sly smile form on her lips. “Well that would be a valuable thing to make use of, if only it were true.”

Finn appeared dubious. “I still don’t understand why you agreed to work for them.”

“I didn’t really have a choice,” I subtly scowled. “It was that or rot in a cell until Kylo Ren managed to infiltrate my thoughts, learning of my sensitivity to the Force, leaving me in a lot worse situation.”

Finn appeared understanding of that answer. It had been Rey’s own powers that made the man obsessed with capturing her. Leia, who had seemed more troubled while we conversed of the Supreme Leader, finally spoke up again. “How long do you think you can hold yourself against… him?”

“I don’t know.” My heart thumped with anxiety, reminded of his last attempt to penetrate my barrier. Thinking about it, with Poe’s image right in front of me, made a familiar sickness bubble in my stomach. He still refused to meet my gaze, his face pained, making an ache begin to surge in my chest.

“Well we have to make some kind of plan right? To rescue her before that happens? Poe?” Finn insisted, somehow rustling Poe out from his inner turmoil.

“Right. Sure. Of course,” he agreed, only the slightest glance in my direction. I had to clench my teeth to hold back the tears wanting to form in my eyes, his indifferent response causing a wave of guilt to wash through.

Leia could sense the tense energy exchanging between us, even through the holo. “Finn, Rey, let’s start discussing our next move. Away from the holoprojector.” She looked firmly at the two, an unspoken communication. Rey shot me a look of both support and sympathy, understanding exactly why Leia was leading them away.

“Hang in there,” Finn added before standing to leave. “We’ll get you out real soon.”

I tried my best to reply with a grateful smile, but it was hard to form through the nervousness I felt at being alone with Poe after my revelation.

One by one their figures receded from the flickering blue picture, leaving Poe alone once again. I couldn’t bring myself to speak first, unsure of what to say. He felt further away than ever, his touch a memory that continued to fade.

Time was running out, the seconds ticking away as we both waited in stillness for the other to break the strained silence. When his eyes finally drifted to me again, I was wounded by the hurt in them, still acutely obvious in the artificial image.

“Why couldn’t you tell me?” he whispered. “You had all that time.”

I dipped my head, conceding. “I was scared.”

“Scared of what?” he shot with unrestrained exasperation. “Scared that I would continue to be grateful for you saving my life?”

I looked back up, stunned by his angered tone. “I didn’t want anyone to find out, let alone someone who had ties with the Resistance.”

“What did you think I would do, what the Resistance would make you do?”

“Pull me into a war I didn’t want to fight! Lead me into a life I didn’t want to lead!”

I could see his jaw tighten, an attempt in calming himself. “The fact you assume I’m the type of person that would force you into anything, let alone war, even after everything I told you, is insulting.”

“That’s so unfair,” I retaliated, my bottom lip on the edge of trembling. “I didn’t even know who you were when I decided to heal you. I chose to risk everything to keep you alive. Doesn’t that mean anything?”

Poe exhaled hard, the sound crackling in the holo. “I will always be in your debt for what you did. But you still lied to me Alex. To my face. You assumed the worst of me, of all of us. You hid the truth because you thought we would take advantage of your power, not caring about what you wanted, what you could choose.”

“You haven’t lived my life Poe,” I argued, a ferocity beginning to rise. “You haven’t lived with the same fear I have all your life.”

He stared at me through the staticky blue light, silence once again taking over. We were locked in each other’s eyes, even through all the distance separating us.

“You pushed me away because of it, didn’t you?” he asked, the sting of his tone now gone.

I didn’t have to respond for him to know my answer. Suddenly there was a loud click of the door behind me, the hard-lock releasing.

Our time was up.

“I’m sorry,” I implored, only a moment before Poe’s face was snatched from my view, the holoprojector powering down into darkness.

My throat felt tight, a new kind of shame gripping tightly. I’d always been so afraid of sharing my secret, but not for this reason. Not because it would make me a liar in the eyes of the one I longed to be reunited with so badly.

*

I stayed in the darkened comm-room long after the hard-lock was disengaged. No one came to open it. Even if they had, they would have only found my figure sitting against one of the large data configurators, stuck in a motionless trance.

I wasn’t entirely sure what kept me from crying, because there was certainly a hollow sadness sitting on my chest, yet the emotion never seemed to manifest into anything. It was possibly due to the stark realisation that my power, my use of the Force, wasn’t a secret anymore.

And nothing bad happened.

They hadn’t been afraid, judgemental, desperate to use it for their own benefit. They had wanted nothing. Rey even kept it to herself, waiting for me to expose the circumstance in my own time, supporting the decision I’d made long ago to hold the power deep within.

Alongside the sadness, there was an intense shame thumping with my heartbeat. Poe had been right, once again highlighting my selfish and distrustful nature, even to those who didn’t deserve it. He’d always been unconditionally honest, and I had given him lies in return. He was right to be offended, to feel slighted by my deceit, our whole encounter now coloured with my dishonesty.

The only comforting part of the holoprojector discussion, apart from knowing for sure Poe with how we parted, was there was a plan being formed for my rescue. There was still a chance I might make it off this ship, escaping before Kylo Ren saw through my weakening façade. He had gotten closer than ever before in the preceding morning, and it couldn’t be long until he figured out another way to tug at my emotions hard enough to unravel me completely.

My only hope was that it wasn’t my attraction to him, the way he undeniably ignited the fire inside that he continued to toy with in his endeavour to push past the veil over my mind.

*

When I slipped back through the doors of the Prestige ward I was bombarded with questions from Risha and the other staff concerning the incidents of the night, most of them somewhat impressed with my boldness. While the others thought nothing of my return, assuming that for once justice had prevailed and I’d been seen to act in self-defence, Risha was obviously astonished I wasn’t still sitting in my cell. She followed me to the isolation room, where my intubated patient still lay in critical condition, but fortunately alive.

“How did you manage to convince them to let you out?” she questioned. “I thought I’d be visiting you in that cell.”

I read over the observations, the patient’s vitals seemingly stable during my absence.

I would need to thank Irwin later.

“I didn’t have to convince them of anything. My retaliation was considered appropriate by the Supreme Leader, so he allowed my release.”

Risha physically recoiled in disbelief. “There are like, 20 things wrong with what you just said.”

“It was a surprise to me too,” I agreed, continuing to perform my own assessment of the ill man in front of me.

“Alex, I don’t think you comprehend how unusual it is for the Supreme Leader to involve himself with matters like this.”

“I think we can both agree nothing about my situation is usual.”

“I mean, that’s true.” She folded her arms, still doubtful. “But for him to punish the Colonel instead of you. That’s just…bizarre. Snoke would never have been called to make a decision like that, let alone given any care for your wellbeing.”

I stopped, giving Risha’s answer more than a few seconds of thought. “Maybe he wants to be a different type of leader.”

She snorted. “We all know Snoke was the one who seduced him to the dark side, who turned him into what he is today. You think he would cast away his teachings, suddenly show compassion?”

“You’ve obviously given this a lot of thought,” I murmured.

“Well there’s not a lot else to talk about working on this ship. All we debated in the days after Snoke’s death, and Kylo Ren’s appointment as Supreme Leader, was whether his rule would be the same or significantly worse. No one even had the slightest notion he would be… like this.”

I shrugged, walking back to the progress notes and typing my assessment out. “Maybe he thinks if I owe him one I’ll be less likely to cause anymore issues. Maybe he hopes for me to like it here so I won’t attempt an escape.”

Risha tugged at my arm, making me look to her. “Is that something you were considering?” she whispered.

I didn’t want to give any kind of verbal confirmation to that intention, knowing now the ears always listening into our conversations. I also refused to implicate this sweet person in any of my future plans, knowing it was safer to give an overly dismissive answer. “Of course not. I wouldn’t even know how if I wanted to. I’ll just keep waiting it out. I’m sure they’ll grow bored with me eventually.”

Risha certainly wasn’t convinced, but she didn’t dictate that stance. “So how are you feeling? After… you know.”

“I’m alright,” I reassured, which was a blazing lie. “Better now knowing the Colonel won’t be back on this ward again.”

“Me too,” Risha breathed, showing me a small smile. Mild irritation sizzled knowing what it took to finally have someone to act on a predator like Colonel Wynver, still wishing his punishment would have been more severe. But I had to be appreciative that Risha, and the other women who worked here, could have some comfort due to his hopefully permanent absence from their life.

*

I farewelled Risha after making sure Irwin had given her an adequate handover of the nights new admits, noticing that more beds were now filled with those who had contracted the heavily contagious illness. There was a part of me that worried about the situation I would return to at the start of my shift this evening, but I was too exhausted to fret for too long.

I made sure to pick up a meal from the mess hall before returning to my quarters, horrendously starving from a whole shift without a chance to eat. The shower I had after ravenously devouring my food was just soothing enough to put me in a better state of mind before settling under the bed sheets to sleep, even with the ache beating slowly in the background of my mind at how Poe and I had parted from our transmission.

My only hope was Rey could make him see sense in the way I had kept my power hidden, maybe make him understand how harsh the fear was that drove me to lie.

Sleep arrived effortlessly this time, only minutes passing with my eyes closed before I was pulled into slumber.

*

When I felt my eyes open again, it was obvious I was dreaming, standing on a deserted beach, the horizon a flat line against the evening sky, a lone sun close to sinking past the ocean. It felt peaceful, a melting glow spreading through my body, relishing the sunset scene. But soon I realised I’d never been to a place like this before. I’d never even stepped close to a beach in my short life.

It was then I sensed the presence with me, the strange energy hovering far behind my figure. I went to turn, to face the mystery aura, but I was chained to where I stood, my eyes still viewing the yellowed skyline, the faint sound of small waves lapping against the shore. The energy shifted, my focus trained on its movement as it edged closer, finally taking a position just beyond my right shoulder.

“You’ve been doing spectacularly well,” a familiar voice mused.

I sighed. “I wondered when you were finally going to disturb me again. You’ve been unusually quiet.”

I felt a smile cross the figures lips, although I was unsure exactly what its face would appear as.

“You seem to be managing perfectly fine without my assistance. I didn’t feel the need to intrude.”

“As opposed to back on Raxus, when I couldn’t avoid your constant warnings?” I grumbled, recalling the many interruptions the voice had made concerning my growing attachment to Poe.

The energy moved again, my eyes darting to the space beside me, still unable to turn my head to that direction. I was only able to capture the image of a hooded figure stepping into my periphery, its face almost completely hidden by darkened brown fabric. I could just make out the shape of their lips. Human. And feminine, matching the tone I had heard in my mind for almost my whole life.

“You were making poor decisions,” the hooded woman stated. “Decisions that would bring about damaging consequences.”

“Maybe if I knew the consequences you seem to be so concerned with, I would make the right choices.”

She laughed, a low breathy chuckle that was oddly musical. “That’s not how this works. I can’t interfere with your free will.”

“Can you at least tell me what ‘this’ is? Why you’re inside my head?”

I could see her lips purse, a deliberate silence between us. “It’s not time yet. You’re not ready.”

An unwelcome shiver pulsed, irritation swelling once again. “I would ask what exactly I need to be ready for, but I can assume you won’t tell me that either.”

The woman smiled again, white teeth peeking through her lips on the edge of my vision. “I’m glad you’ve come to that understanding quickly.”

I exhaled hard, growing impatient with the interference of my much-needed sleep. “Is there a reason why you’re here now, deciding to show yourself for the first time?”

“I wanted to ensure you knew you were playing your part well, in the hopes it would encourage you to stay on this path.”

I creased my eyebrows, contemplating how any of my actions in the last few weeks would have been appropriate on this journey I was apparently walking. “And I’m assuming you’ll let me know when I might divert from this destination you’ve got in mind?”

“Indeed,” she nodded, her head lifting in time to watch the sun finally fade completely past the horizon, plunging both of us into darkness. “But I have faith you won’t require my help for the foreseeable future.”

I could only hope such a notion was true, this woman’s voice always having been a horrible strain on my thoughts. But without knowing exactly what I was doing so well, I was unsure if I could keep her intrusions from appearing again. I watched with the woman as stars began to glitter through the sky, reflecting on the stilled ocean, making an even bigger vision of night envelop the landscape. A delicate breeze of wind then brushed against my skin, and she was gone, her energy fading instantly, leaving me alone on the beach once again.

The soothing power of the twinkling scene soon made an overwhelming fatigue encircle my brain, and I was unable to prevent my eyelids from drooping closed.

*

It was obvious I’d been rustling in my sleep when I awoke again hours later, sheets twisted haphazardly over my limbs. I’d finally managed a full 8 hours, feeling the most rested I’d been in days. Although waking to an impossibly long list of questions I couldn’t get answers to didn’t exactly make me feel relaxed.

I laid on my back, wishing I could will the woman’s voice back into existence, only wanting to know why and how she housed her spirit inside my mind. The spoken warnings and guidance had always been there, pestering me with advice, sometimes threatening. But I always assumed it was a form of my own conscience, born from an unknown area of my brain that battled its morals against my decision making. Knowing now it was something more than that, that it was something or someone keeping a close watch over my actions, was oddly comforting.

Maybe I hadn’t been alone all of these years.

*

My last overnight duty before returning to the day shift was chaotic to say the least. Almost all beds of the Prestige ward became filled with viral patients, a large portion of the Finalizer Command leaders now in my company. A dark humour would have mentioned to the Resistance yesterday that this sickness was probably more incapacitating than their assaults had ever been, but I honestly didn’t want to place the idea of biological warfare inside their heads.

While my intubated patient had already improved from my last visit, I was now dealing with three more who’s health was extremely critical. I had never been so appreciative for the medical droids who worked here, their ability to recognise deteriorations in vitals being much quicker than my own.

I’d been given a status report from the rest of the ship earlier in the night, which implied the other wards were in much the same position. Although, it was interesting to note the slowing occurrence between Stormtrooper personnel, their armour and helmets seeming to provide an amount of protection that the Command leaders didn’t utilise.

The Bio-med lab had assured they would have a cure and subsequent vaccine within the next couple of days, pressing us to keep as many patients alive in the meantime. Which was easier said than done. Bacta didn’t help in eradicating the virus or it’s symptoms.

Fortunately for my own health I had already been afflicted with a strain similar during an assignment to Lothal in my training days, the illness sweeping through most of our workers, spread by one of the wounded soldiers. Luckily, none of us had been struck down too harshly, and it had left most of us somewhat immune. In knowing this however, I began to feel a looming dread for the medical staff of this ship who most likely had never been exposed before. It couldn’t be long before they themselves would need to be treated, and I prayed it wouldn’t leave me as the sole doctor still well enough to keep working in the time before a cure was found.

In the morning I handed over the night’s events to the day shift, giving strict instructions for the care of the four intubated patients, offering to return if I was required to at any time. I’d been afforded a full day cycle before returning to normal working hours, a day off of sorts, but with little freedoms being afforded to me on this ship to utilise my free time, I was quite comfortable in being called back to ease the load on the Prestige staff.

No such request had been made by the time I’d taken care of my daily routine, sleeping soundly through another 8 hours, this time without the interruption of vivid dreaming. It was early evening, which was only ever evident by the chronometer in my quarters, and I’d found myself too anxious about how the ward was coping to focus on the literature I was attempting to read.

The unease eventually caused me to change into the mundane set of informal clothes the First Order had allowed, wanting to pay a visit to the ward to ease my worry. A pair of black pants hemmed tight against the outline of my legs and a grey sweater which wrapped around my torso, leaving a bow at the back. I hadn’t pulled my hair up, assuming my visit wouldn’t actually require me to do any work. I wanted to appear as casual as possible, hopefully not implying they would be desperate for my assistance.

I was about to slip around the corner of the small lobby outside my quarters, pondering over the fact I’d never seen anyone enter or exit the two other doors, when I was disrupted by the sight of General Hux making his way down the corridor. He was alone, without his usual entourage of Stormtroopers My eyes narrowed, watching him suspiciously as he closed the space between us, noting the stressed expression he wore, his porcelain cheeks slightly red.

“What have I done this time?” I prodded as he stopped in front of me.

“I’m afraid I’m not in the mood for your juvenile mockery Miss Jago,” he snapped. “Come with me, I have a task you are required for.”

I folded my arms. “This is meant to be my day off.”

“You’ll find that I don’t particularly care,” Hux grumbled. It occurred to me how unwilling he seemed to be here, most likely a stern order behind his reason for being in my presence. “You don’t have a choice in this matter. Now follow me.”

“Could you at least tell me what you’re hauling me away to do?”

He didn’t stop his exit. “You’ll find out soon enough. I’m not going to ask you again. Follow me.”

It was curiosity that made me obey his demand, beginning to step behind the irritating man as he led me to an unspecified objective. When we started veering towards a familiar turbo-lift, noting him pressing the floor I’d memorised from the previous day, my whole body pulsed with anger.

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” I seethed, looking to Hux with a burning contempt.

“It was an order,” he replied sharply.

“It always is,” I fumed, leaning into the durasteel wall of the turbo-lift.

What did he want with me now?

Hux stormed ahead when the doors opened, my shorter strides barely able to keep up as we walked through the darkened hallway. With a simple wave of his hand on the security panel the blast doors opened to the room I had previously been forced into, the huge open view of endless space still taking my breath away.

Hux didn’t stop in the lounge area, instead swerving to the door at the far left, pressing a code quickly into the lock, waiting for me to enter first once it opened. I looked at Hux quizzically before moving past, taking a moment to register the scene I’d been made privy to.

My eyes scanned over Kylo Ren’s figure, now hunched into a ball underneath the sheets of his bed, a sheen of sweat noticeable on his forehead even from the doorway. He was asleep, however it didn’t appear even close to restful, his breaths loud and heaving.

“The Supreme Leader appears to be afflicted with the virus,” Hux stated in a hushed tone, still emotionless as ever. “He requires the care of a medical professional until his health returns to normal. I think you can understand the confidential nature of the task I’m giving to you.”

I nodded slowly, still stunned at what I’d walked into. “But why me? Surely there are other doctors who could do this. Ones who aren’t his hostage.”

“That is most definitely true,” Hux agreed. “But he asked for you.”

~

Next Chapter

Tag list: @tlcwrites​ @blackberries45​ @hopeamarsu​ @caillea​ @princessxkenobi​ @leatherboundbirate​​ @lightsinthedistancee​​ @paterson-blue​​ @rosie-posie08​​ @tina1938​​ @general-latino​​

(Please let me know if you wanted to be added or removed!)

[randomnameless]

A willy fanfic? On the FE wiki? Did I miss something or?

On the WoH page.

Apparently, per this fanfic, the lizard who survived Zanado was named Seiros, it wasn't a surname she took the day she opened her bottle of hair dye and decided to avenge her family, like she says in VW.

41 years before Adrestia, she landed in Enbarr (not in the Enbarr region, but in Enbarr) and Willy was such a nice guy, he found her and gave her shelter in his penthouse with a giant patio - I mean his villa with a lot lewd paintings in Enbarr. Willy totes lived in Enbarr.

Seiros really appreciated his kindness and his support - he tried to teach her how to use dye! - but she couldn't trust him enough, not even after giving him her blood or letting him see her as a dragon, or playing with his white sword, so she didn't tell him why she was targetting Nemesis.

Because, actually, she didn't want Willy to find out how Nemesis got his power (he most likely didn't use any sword against Sothis!) because it's very different from how Seiros herself gave Willy her power - also to hide the origins of the Hero's Relics.

So per this fanfic, Seiros landed pennyless in Enbarr, a rich dude took her in, gave her food and a bottle of shampoo, she gave him her blood but didn't tell him she was actually a dragon out to kill Nemesis because Nemesis killed her family and is hunting for dragons and created weapons out from dragon bones.

Canon wise...

Rhea became "Seiros the Warrior" and landed on the outskirs of Enbarr where she performed miracles. People loved her so much they made a Church for her. At one point she met Willy and they founded Adrestia.

Willy knew she was a dragon and wore a crown to honour her - he saved and supported her, but also, "gave his all" implying most likely his life, to the cause of getting rid of Nemesis.

-> So no, In 41 BA, she was leading a Church, or at least seen as its prophet, she wouldn't need a Church in Enbarr, she would already have been offered shelter as the head of that new organisation but also as the "miracle maker".

-> While we know Rhea appreaciated Willy, we also know he knew quite a bit, but the assumptions raised in this paragraph are baseless, given how they come from the Imperial Telephone. If Rhea told Willy she's a giant lizard who can give him power like the Dudes have, it doesn't take a genius to understand the Dudes also met giant lizards to gain their powers - their weapons look like giant bones, maybe they trounced their lizards.

[itsclydebitches]

New pet peeve: "You can't criticize the story of an episode, because a later unreleased episode might justify it. But you can still praise the story of an episode even though, by the same metric, a later unreleased episode could retroactively make it worse."

Oh yeah, that one has been a pet peeve of mine for RWBY going on three years now lol. And it's not an entirely baseless stance. Audiences aren't wrong for picking up on cues (deliberate or otherwise), recognizing that this is an ongoing series, and concluding that this will be developed further — potentially for the better. Don't slam the show for not doing X when X needs the rest of the season (or even multiple seasons) to come about/develop. The problem is that a) the fans pushing this perspective likewise tend to ignore RWBY's history of dropping plot threads rather than just slowly unfurling them — making that perspective appear less and less reasonable the longer time goes on — and b) they're applying it to situations that have already messed things up.

Let's take two examples. Example #1 is Penny getting her human body. Putting aside for the moment the thematic issues with that, fans weren't wrong to say, "Wait and see." At the time of "Creation" none of us had any idea what might come of this change. Whether this would lead to a new and exciting arc for her, whether all our questions would be answered... or whether this potential would get dropped along with so much else. Though there's still plenty else to criticize in the episode, specifically criticizing RWBY for not doing more with Penny's change is silly because then and there the story only had 20 minutes we had no idea what might happen in the following episodes. The fact that they didn't do anything with Penny, just killing her off again, is beside the point. The potential did exist and fans aren't wrong to praise potential for being potential. A well-written story doesn't smooth every edge, answer every question, and wrap up every arc in the span of a single episode. It wouldn't be a long-form story if it did.

However, Example #2 is Emerald joining the group, wherein fans say "Wait and see" regarding her redemption. Problem is... that arc is done. We saw it. The group had a brief argument about trusting Emerald, Oscar stopped Ruby from attacking her, there was another few lines of annoyance in the dining room, the group accepted her via laughter, and then Emerald got to smile about how "weird" it felt to be doing good. Badly done as it was, that functioned as an arc! We saw a conflict, a resolution, and growth. It was terrible, but it existed. Which means that all these claims about how the group is going to struggle more in the future, or Emerald will prove herself more in the future, or whatever is currently getting said under the assumption that it will be Good Writing doesn't hold up. Even if RWBY backtracked and gave us that, it's too late. It would read as ridiculous to have the group go from laughing happily at her 'lol remember how I used to try and kill you guys a few hours ago?' speech to suddenly treating her with the reservations her actions always deserved. This isn't potential, this is the RWBY writers backing themselves into a corner. Either we're left with a "redemption" that was never a redemption to begin with, or the story tries to do that work in Volume 9, making the Volume 8 material look like even more of a mess in the process. There is no way to fix this now.

Too much of RWBY is read through the lens of what fans assume is going to happen, to the point where some in the fandom actively ignore what is happening on screen in order to maintain that presumed potential in their minds. Those who put faith in Penny getting a fantastic arc as a human may have been a bit too optimistic given RWBY's history (and I do include myself in that), but they're not wrong to point out that such potential existed for a time. Those who put their faith in Emerald getting a better redemption are actively ignoring the canon in order to preserve the better written version of RWBY they've got in their heads. And then yeah, we have the hundreds of cases in which "Wait and see" is used simultaneously as a way to dismiss criticism while also praising the current canon. Up until we know, say, what happens with grimm!Summer, "Wait and see" allows fans to say that the Volume 8 Hound material was incredibly well written AND that critics are fools for doubting what will come next because they've already jumped ahead and written RWBY to their own standards. They've already imagined a version of RWBY one, two, three years from now where grimm!Summer is handled in a spectacular fashion (whatever that means for each individual fan), thereby validating both the writing we currently have and throwing a metaphorical middle finger up at the critics. Never mind that this version doesn't exist and that a bad version is equally possible, it's treated as fact. Thus, we're left with a community where potential is, so often, assumed to be leading to good things... despite how often RWBY has proven otherwise. Because whenever we do get to that future writing — when it's clear we're done with Oscar's outing, or forgiving Ozpin, when Penny is dead and Raven never showed up in Volume 8 and a ton else — when it's clear that "Wait and see" didn't actually lead to anything good like so many claimed... the fans who made those claims suddenly no longer want to engage with that. They ignore it rather than going, "Huh, yeah. That didn't turn out like we'd hope. I can see now why you'd be hesitant to put your emotional investment in this new question the show has raised. If they dropped the ball before, they can definitely do so again..." Instead, it's this round robin of "Wait and see" applying to the newest plot point, ignoring the dropped plot points behind us, a catch-all response to praise the current canon and shrug off anyone who would doubt the brilliance of the writers... not matter how much evidence they can point to in order to say, "Hey, this doesn't appear brilliant to me." I mean, it certainly makes for happier viewing, but if you're at all interested in discussing the canon as it stands and what, based on history, is possible, if not likely to happen... that's not a good perspective to take. And that catch all "Wait and see" response will continue all the way up until RWBY ends. Potentially even longer if the other publications — Chibi, novels, etc. — continue beyond it. I can easily imagine a community where one half is frustrated with how the RWBY series finale ended and the other half is going, "Well, we haven't see the next novel yet that's definitely going to make all this better, so your criticisms mean nothing."

[catboymoments]

If I had to guess. That one anon made an assumption about how you feel personally about Chara based on not immediately condemning others who do feel that way about Chara. A kind of Knee Jerk reaction that comes with fandom stuff like this. Personally I won't condemn others who like Evil Chara or think they were abusive. I'm just going to hold my contempt for that idea in my chest, enjoy my own head canons, and not make baseless Assumptions! Hopefully no more are thrown your way in the future.

So true!

[nadziejastar]

I saw on another tumblr, a "pride flag" for NPD, with Axel/Lea. person states he is a positive representation of someone with NPD, that is their observation turned head canon. with your research in other areas, do you agree?

Well, these are the traits of someone with NPD:

An arrogant attitude

A strong lack of empathy

A constant need for admiration

A heightened sense of self-importance

Envy toward others doing supposedly better

Baseless assumptions that others are envious of their accomplishments

An obsession with success, power, looks, and exorbitant wealth

An exploitative personality, regardless of who gets trampled on

Personally, I don't see him as NPD. Axel can be proud/arrogant/boastful, but not in a way I would consider pathological. Just confident. The only two traits I strongly see in him are 2 and 8.

CoM Journal: Axel has no qualms about exploiting others to suit his needs. He used Sora and Naminé to silence Marluxia and halt his plot against the Organization.

He was ego-driven, in the sense that he put his own needs ahead of others and he could be ruthless and manipulative. But I don't think he had the fragile ego of a narcissist. Axel didn't have an issue with his self-image, he was just...selfish. Vexen was more narcissistic than Axel. He was always boasting about his talents, demanding respect for his rank, and was obsessed with his scientific achievements.

Disregard for right and wrong

Persistent lying or deceit to exploit others

Being callous, cynical and disrespectful of others

Using charm or wit to manipulate others for personal gain or personal pleasure

Arrogance, a sense of superiority and being extremely opinionated

Recurring problems with the law, including criminal behavior

Repeatedly violating the rights of others through intimidation and dishonesty

Impulsiveness or failure to plan ahead

Hostility, significant irritability, agitation, aggression or violence

Lack of empathy for others and lack of remorse about harming others

Unnecessary risk-taking or dangerous behavior with no regard for the safety of self or others

Poor or abusive relationships

Failure to consider the negative consequences of behavior or learn from them

Being consistently irresponsible and repeatedly failing to fulfill work or financial obligations

I'd say Axel, at least his Nobody self, had more traits of ASPD than NPD. He was the organization's assassin, after all, and he seemed to have no problem with that job, until he became friends with Xion and Roxas. And Nobodies are heartless by definition, so it makes sense that he'd display sociopathic traits.

[emerald-amidst-gold]

For the HC ask game: Fane + 🐈‍⬛?

KITTY! o3o ...If you can't tell, I love kitties. X3 But the question is, does Fane? *waggles eyebrows*

Most animals are wary of Fane. Sixth sense and all that. That doesn't mean Fane doesn't like them though. He doesn't like to interfere with nature and the creatures in it, but the who shtick with Fane is he's a dual being. Mortal body, draconic mind and occasionally, vice versa.

And who else is a dual being? Why, Cole, of course! Have some shenanigans! >:D

**

Fane ascended the stairs to the battlements that hugged the tavern. He usually took this route to enter the building, the front door always eliciting either deathly silence or drunken cheering. It depended on the day. And today, he wasn't really in the mood for either. No, he wasn't in the mood for anything, not his sister, not Inquisition business, and not even his sky. He just needed...to be alone, but not alone.

He needed Cole. He needed someone who understood what it meant to fight a struggle against your very nature, very existence. And it would seem, as he slipped through Bull's...quarters and through the door that emptied out into the loft that the spirit always occupied, that the thought was mutual.

"Cole?", Fane called, shifting his eyes around in search of the young man. He spotted neither hide nor hair of the compassionate being, but that wasn't unusual. Cole disappeared or just blended in, even in plain sight. "Cole, you around?"

"Yes."

Cole's voice echoed from deeper in, not in his usual corner, but around the railing, closer to the far wall. Fane blinked, letting the door to Bull's room shut with a bang, but the noise below, music and cheers, drowned out the harshness. Not that he cared, honestly. Noise was natural in Skyhold, but most couldn't hear it, the stone sang, the perpetual autumn colored trees chimed.

Fane descended the stairs, floorboards creaking from his weight and he had to stave off a grimace at the thought of his form. No, he wasn't going to spiral. The whole reason he had come seeking Cole was to stop that from happening by...whatever. Talking? Cole rarely said much, but he listened and that's what Fane needed. Solas listened, but he also talked, and while Fane adored and was grateful for those words of wisdom, he couldn't handle them today.

Though, it would appear Cole was choosing to speak a bit today, albeit quietly and...contentedly?

"Cole, what are you--?", Fane went to ask as he rounded the railing's sharp corner, spotting a wide brimmed hat and a crouched down form that was one of the spirit's go-to positions. He halted immediately upon hearing a 'mew'.

Every vigilant eyes darted every further downwards, towards the source of that tiny sound, and they widened when he saw a swishing tail, emerald eyes that were...so like his own, and black, black fur, sleek and shiny. Cole's head was bent, chin resting upon his bent knees, seemingly watching the creature calmly.

"The cooks chased her away.", Cole said, shifting a bit as the cat rubbed against one of his legs. "But not the other ones. It was because of her fur. They didn't like it."

Fane blinked, resting one of his hands on the railing. "Her..fur?", he asked slowly, confused. Why would one cat be chased away and not the others? Weren't they all a threat to scarfing food away? No matter how long he lived, how much he observed, some things were lost on him.

Cole nodded, reaching a finger out so the cat could investigate it. "Bad luck.", he muttered. "Why does a color mean 'bad luck'?"

Those words had light shining into Fane's understanding and it made him let out a sigh. He understood now. The cat Cole was now petting, tentatively, unsure, had been shooed away because it was black. He knew that superstition and yet it had slipped his memory. Typical.

"It doesn't.", Fane said, finally finding his legs again and slowly, slowly made his way over to where Cole was, trying not to spook the tiny feline.

Animals were skittish with him and he didn't blame them, but it still hurt to see fear. Thankfully, this cat seemed..docile, only peering up at him with its tail straight up in the air, the tip flicking curiously. It made Fane smile a bit, but it dissolved as he heard the spirit murmur once more.

"Then, why?", Cole asked, obviously confused. Fane couldn't see his eyes or his face, but the compassionate man's voice told all. The one time a voice spoke louder than eyes to him.

Fane frowned. "Because instead of trying to understand, people are content to take baseless assumptions as fact.", he said, bristling a bit as his own words hit a chord. Words, words were always bitter upon the tongue when they rang as clear as bells, unearthed his own experiences.

"Like they do with dragons? Like they do with you?", Cole asked, blue eyes finally making an appearance from the curtain of blonde hair that obscured them. They reminded him of Mhairi's, but they sang with songs of the Fade, spoke with only one emotion; compassion.

Fane nodded slowly. "Yeah.", he affirmed before deciding to gingerly lower himself down to Cole and the now approaching cat's level. Against his own mind's protests at being possibly being rejected, Fane reached out to the misunderstood creature and gasped quietly as it immediately butted into his hand, unafraid, but knowing.

Cole let out a little laugh. "She likes you.", he said, pulling his knees up tighter to his chest and actually fully seating himself upon the floor with nary a sound. "She understands that you've been misunderstood, too."

Fane hummed, eyes going hooded. "Does she now?", he questioned, stroking the little ball of fur's head with a few fingers. It purred and chirped, content and pleased with being responded to positively. "That's...comforting. Did you bring her here?"

Cole shook his head. "She followed me."

"I see.", Fane muttered, suddenly feeling calm and somewhat tired as he continued to stroke fur that made other's startle with fear and sneer with revulsion. He chuckled a bit as the cat came closer, pawing at one of his knees, asking for something. "Demanding, aren't you? All right. Fine."

With a careful movement, Fane set himself down upon the floor, crossing his legs and only shaking his head with a tiny smile as the black cat crawled into his lap, kneading and purring happily. Cole watched the whole display, silent, but just as calm.

"You're quiet, quelled. The torches extinguished, the blackness comforting just as fur is.", Cole rambled off, head lulling to the side so his cheek was resting on his knees.

Fane nodded, leaning back a bit to rest against the railing. "That sounds about right.", he snorted a bit, confidently stroking the curled up cat's silky fur. "Odd. To think I would find comfort in black."

"She's not black to you. She's blue."

"Nislean.", Fane murmured in Elvhen, voice deep to his ears as tiredness invaded his quieted mind. "Nislean. You're right. I see it in the shimmer and the glint." He gazed down at the female feline, smiling a bit more when he saw she was beginning to doze. "Nislean."

"What's it mean?", Cole asked, curious, unknowing.

Fane hummed, closing his eyes. "Blue.", he translated, sighing out heavily through his nose. "It means 'blue'."

"...She likes it. She wants to be a 'blue' cat."

"Mm.", Fane hummed, smirking even as sleep called. "Then, her name will be 'Nislean'."

"...She helps you.", Cole stated, a smile in his voice.

"You both did.", Fane muttered, reaching up lazily to place a hand on Cole's head softly. The spirit locked up a bit, but relaxed soon enough once understanding reached him. "Thank you, Cole. Thank you for helping me. Always."

He felt Cole's head bow a bit, akin to how a child being praised would do due to be embarrassed by it.

"...I'm glad it helped.", the spirit whispered. "You understand me. I want you to be understood, too."

Fane chuckled tiredly, letting his hand fall from a hat bearing head. "One day, Cole. I promise.", he said, inching closer and closer to the Fade with every breath. "One day..."

One day, the world would hold blue. There would be understanding, clarity, serenity. And hopefully, it would be the same for him. But for now, black was just as good as his consciousness ebbed away. Within the ever changing scape that greeted him, emerald eyes and a swishing tail met him in turn with confidence, unafraid and understanding as it chased after him along paths that echoed of all that was lost and all that could be gained, grounding him and keeping crimson at bay.

***

Head canon: Fane names every cat that wanders into Skyhold after a color. Cats calm and soothe Fane and he actually finds them fascinating since they like to sit atop perches and gaze down at what's going on. Just like he did. X3

Thank you for the ask! <3

[silkywritesgarbage]

I wish you good luck with job hunting! It'll be a wild ride (￣v￣*)ゞMay I request headcanons for Kuroko, Aomine, Akashi, Kasamatsu, Midorima and Hanamiya with a crush on a girl whose looks don't match her personality? As in, she has multiple ear piercings, tattoos, goth/punk clothing, the works! But in reality she's laid-back, kind and studious? She's no pushover, though! Thank you so much and I hope this wasn't terribly specific or too much:') Stay safe!💕

Wheee! Thanks for being the first request, and for the kind words ~ It feels so good to be back! This idea is really cute to me hehe~ Hope you enjoy, and I hope this is what you were looking for!

Kuroko

- He definitely wouldn’t approach her first, on the basis that he’s a quiet person and he’s slightly intimidated by her appearance. But he isn’t the type who would think badly of her just because of the way she looks

- But since she’s so eye-catching in the first place, he would always find his gaze drifting over to her. Kuroko is good at reading people, and none of the things he saw her doing was indicative of her being a wild person.

- He would be intrigued by the way she seemed to command a room every time she walked in. People whispered and stared, but she kept her head high and did her best every day. He really admired that.

- One day, on a random day of no particular importance, Kuroko would approach the girl and ask to study beside her. He realized how studious and kind she really was, and he realized that he was being unfair. He would start spending more time with her from this point on.

- Kuroko wouldn’t realize he was in love in any grand way. It would be very simple. He would be listening to her talk about something mundane, like a test or dying her hair a new color. She would ask him what color suited her best, and his cheeks would flush. That’s when he realized that his feelings went beyond that of a friend.

Aomine

- Aomine didn’t think himself a guy who was perturbed easily, until he met the wild looking girl who raised a storm in Tōo. When he saw her walking down the hall, he was pissed when he felt the instinct to move aside.

- It wouldn’t be their appearance that really set him off. He actually thought that kind of look was really cool. But he was more confused by why this person would even dare go to a high school in Japan looking this way. To be honest, it was really awesome of her.

- Aomine wouldn’t make the best impression, though. He’s probably approach the person with a dumb question like: “Why would you ever want to go near a needle so many times?”

- Their friendship would start as a friendly banter. They would tease each other every day. But since Aomine didn’t really know much about piercings or tattoos or anything like that, the girl would have to educate him, and he gets really into learning about it...and learning about her.

- He would want to spend every day with her, claiming that she needed to help him study, but he is so calmed by her presence that he would just fall asleep next to her while she worked.

- He would ask her out before the end of high school, and in college she would help him pick out his first tattoo!

Akashi

- Akashi would be the most reluctant to interact with a girl with such an appearance. He didn’t really mind the way she looked, but more his reputation as the heir to a traditional family conglomerate.

- But he would gladly be friends with her when he saw how earnest and kind she was. He greatly admired her strength and her determination.

- He would ignore his feelings the longest out of the others. But because she was such a strong and lovely person, it would become impossible and he would confess because he feared someone might take her away.

- The girl would accidentally encourage and inspire him to confess one day. She would notice his inner turmoil and flick him on the forehead. “Haven’t you learned anything from me, Akashi-Kun? No one is going to hand you anything, so you just have to go for it!”

- Akashi would be sure that he wanted to confess when he realized that the reason he liked the girl because she was so strong, and would surely be able to stand up to his father and be proud of who she is, no matter what anyone thought of her.

Kasamatsu

- The captain, a stickler for the rules, would be a little judgmental at first and write her off as a delinquent right away.

- But the way she spoke to senpai, and did her work diligently would change his mind quickly.

- He wouldn’t be attracted right away; at most, he would only be curious. In fact, it’s because of this that he found it easy to talk and relax with her.

- He would start defending her from people who tried to criticize her for her looks. Even if she insisted she could do it herself, he would blush and rub the back of his head. “Just because you can, doesn’t mean you always have to.”

- At some point he would realize that he is incredibly attracted to everything about her, even the things he judged before. He would get flustered and freak out the same way he would any other girl when he realizes he has a crush.

- He’s the kind of nerd who wouldn’t feel comfortable confessing until he officially apologizes for judging her at first, what a silly boy, I want 14 of them.

Midorima

- This jerk is the most judgmental. He assumes the worst about her and refuses to associate with her. Asshole.

- But when she wipes the floor with him, this green haired butt will realize that he made a foolish assumption about someone he barely knew. Didn’t Kuroko teach him that not everyone was what they seemed?

- He would find himself trying to learn more about her in a roundabout way, mostly eavesdropping on classmates and watching her out of the corner of his eye.

- Takao would have to intervene at one point. He would call her over one day, and ask for help with homework. Midorima would pretend he’s not interested, but he would actively work with her and respectfully listen to her.

- He wouldn’t realize he has a crush, but when Takao spots Midorima researching proper piercing and tattoo hygiene, the point guard would greatly enjoy enlightening his teammate on why exactly his actions spoke louder than words.

Hanamiya

- She would have to command Hanamiya’s respect. He wouldn’t give a damn about the way she looked, since he looked down on everyone in the first place.

- He would push a bunch of baseless injuries just to piss her off. Their relationship starting off would be fully antagonistic, since Hanamiya is canonically a jerkwad.

- He actually found her appearance really interesting and even hot, but he would rather die than say that. And he saw her as an intellectual equal, greatly enjoying their spats.

- If he heard anyone talking bad about her, he would scoff and glare at the offenders, “She looks better than any of you old bags. Must be nice having so much confidence and nothing to show for it.”

- He would confess the earliest, but he would keep screwing it up by being insufferable. An IQ of over 160 and the man can’t come up with a proper compliment.

[jalebi-weds-bluetooth]

10 Times Arnav Singh Raizada Crossed The Line (Part 1)

Arnav Singh Raizada is our perfect, tortured Mills & Boons hero. Sometimes it’s unfortunate when recent shows have aped his behavior and not the layered characterization that he had. However, sometimes (according to my own opinion) I felt that his character might have crossed the line. 

It’s moments where no explanations justify his behavior. 

Please remember this is all my crazy opinion so feel free to add your own in notes! Oh and don’t worry, a similar list is coming for Khushi as well as they’re truly made for each other. After all, aren’t they our favorite ‘will-they-won’t-they’ idiots?

Tearing the dori.

Arnav Singh Raizada does not apologize.

Blasting at Khushi for pranking, PRANKING him.

Telling Khushi her anklet, their almost kiss & she, does not matter.

Arnav Hypocrite Raizada - forcing an engaged Khushi to confess her feelings when he’s unable to do so.

Reminding Khushi of her broken engagement cause he can’t handle jealousy.

Manipulating & frightening Khushi with Akash & Payal’s divorce papers.

Telling Khushi he ‘faked’ his sickness to get rid of the ‘Swami’ tag.

Refusing to believe Khushi’s version of events.

Becoming Khushi’s landlord and blackmailing her (emotionally and financially) to get her to come back home.

Bonus

Telling Khushi that she does not have the brains, courage nor talent to face the real world.  

#1 “Badtameezi toh maine abhi shuru bhi nahi ki.” (S1, E2)

“I haven’t even started misbehaving.”

First Reaction: No Arnav bitwa, no. That dialogue never has and never will make sense.

What’s wrong with it: 

Almost everything. First of all when someone is in a position to abuse his/her/their position of power and authority, they don’t get to make rules on what counts as misbehavior. Secondly, just because one hasn’t sexually harassed a person does not mean one’s harassment hasn’t been “bad enough”. 

Arnav’s behavior crossed the line the minute you tell Khushi that she and her sister are the kind of women who can easily get another man - and none of us are kids here to know what the thinly veiled insult meant to Khushi & Payal’s character. 

What makes this entire situation problematic is that he accuses her with certainty based on assumptions and Khushi, really, has not warranted any sort of behavior from his end - she actually makes a compelling argument. This kind of a situation, unfortunately, keeps happening in the future where Arnav accuses her based on half truths/assumptions.

Of course there’s a part of me that always wonders what idiots as staff does Arnav have because they; (1) let a newbie go on the ramp (can’t imagine that happening at a Sabyasachi / Manish Malhotra fashion show), (2) are incompetent enough to not be able to procure and verify any information about Khushi.

Track Rewrite: 

First of all, this is perhaps the only terrible moment that I want to leave untouched. It’s perfect. It sounds ludicrous but this level of animosity was required to create a hatred the two had for each other until love and lust suddenly stormed into their thoughts. 

Khushi looks perfectly devastated and Arnav’s anger rises because his fashion show in Lucknow (out of all cities) has been ruined. The less can be said about recent shows where there’s very little logic to the hatred shared between characters.

It establishes that Arnav has been very aware, right from the start, how beautiful Khushi is. And not just the delicate beauty like Payal, but the beauty that can make one lose their path, their calm, their temper and tempt them out of their stupor. 

It’s this opinion that he forms about Khushi that he subconsciously carries for the longest time - (it’s what makes it easier for him to believe Shyam’s version of events because this assumption of a tempting, young, poor woman out to seduce the rich never really leaves his mind).

Head-canon: 

This was the only time Aman Mathur took a vacation. Poor Arnav, he really needed efficient staff. 

Public Service Announcement: 

Ladies and gentlemen, this does not mean that hate, pain and misbehavior is necessary for love to bloom. No, love does not have a template and this is a love story that happens despite the hate, not because of it. 

Also, just so you know that Khushi - or any person - is not responsible for the things that happen to them. If a person’s self respect, dignity or agency is threatened - you go ahead and bash the attacker and not blame the person! *phew*

#2 “Arnav Singh Raizada kabhi kisise maafi nahi maangta.” (S2, E19)

“Arnav Singh Raizada does not apologize to anyone.”

First Reaction: Screw you Raizada! How dare you? Buaji - throw your infamous damned belan over his head! Raizada, do you realise you’re saying this while standing on someone else’s property?

And…

Why do I find it hot that Khushi opens the door to an impatient Arnav who’s dressed as dark as the sky, his temper matching the thunder in the background while they lock eyes? *i need help* when I watched this show for the first time I totally expected another scene like this would occur where Arnav asks her back or confesses his love. Yeah I trusted him enough to make another mistake where Khushi’s left home and he needs to get her back.

What’s wrong with it: 

The things he said to her before he came to her house. The insults he levied on her are based on an accusation which is baseless. We get to know that until Akash’s public proposal to Payal that Arnav never bothered on learning the truth about what happened that night. 

Hence it reveals another trait that Arnav never double checks his assumption until he’s faced with a confronting reality. But, in the length of time he’s gotten to know Khushi until that point - the things he tells her is way out of line. 

And when he reaches her home, slapping that money on her table and insulting her in front of her family… yeah it’s difficult to watch that. Especially after all the Rabba Ve’s they’ve had and his difficulty & helplessness on learning that this same woman was going to leave for Lucknow forever.

Track Rewrite: 

Arnav’s anger is really a projection of his frustration on himself for hurting Anjali and a terrible act of him confirming to himself that money can get him everything - even his sister’s happiness, which he attributes to his ability to get Khushi back into the house using money because he only knows the language of money. 

So my problem isn’t much with him… it’s with Khushi’s inaction. This is one of my least favourite scenes in the show because once Khushi stops (mostly) retaliating to Arnav from this point - she never really retaliates ever again. It’s like they kill that intellectual and mature aspect of Khushi who really knew how to debate (ah, don’t I love the resignation scene and her moment with Lavanya, Sim & Pam in the office).

Of course, Arnav and Khushi argue bucket lots in the future but from this moment on they really amp up Khushi’s silent crying and reduce her logical arguments to her emotions. Hence, if there’s anything I would have changed then I would always give Khushi the final word - the logical final word because who doesn’t like a solid rebuttal.

Quick note; Arnav does amend from saying “women like you” to “people like you”. So there’s a shift from his belief of her being a gold digger (and hence, lack of character) to a middle class greedy person (like his uncle).

Head-canon: 

I believe she doesn’t give Arnav a chance to gloat that he got her back with his money. Hence, the following exchange takes place in my head…

--

Arnav: “Mujhe pata tha tum paise ke liye kuch bhi karogi.”

Khushi: “Hum aap se ek baat kahe? Aap ghalat hai.”

Arnav: “No, main tum jaiso ko achi tarah se jaanta hai.”

Khushi: “Haan, shayad aap hum jaiso ko jaante hai. Par humein nahi. Aur rahi baat humara yaha aake kaam karne ka, toh humein nahi lagta ki humein kisi ko bhi safai deni ki zaroorat hai. Khaas kar ki aapko.”

- -

Arnav: “I knew you’d do anything for money,”

Khushi: “You know what? You’re wrong.”

Arnav: “I’m not. I know people like you.”

Khushi: “You may know people like me, but not me. And as far as me choosing to work here, I don’t find it necessary to give anyone any explanation. Especially you.”

--

Public Service Announcement/Crazy thought: 

The old 500 rupee notes are banned post demonetization. So don’t use those notes.

Check out my crazy version of this episode. 

#3 “Di isse sorry bolne ki koi zaruri nahi hai. Yeh aapki naukar hai.” (S3, E1/E2)

“Di you don’t have to apologise to her. She’s your servant.”

First Reaction: Oh no you didn’t… you didn’t!

What’s wrong with it: 

I think it gets on my nerves how rude he is and that he constantly measures her to her financial and societal status. And all of this is because she pranked him. Like she literally put sugar crystals in his petrol tank, changed his phone ringtone to a silly item number and put juice in his shoes. And he responds to that with some pretty damaging words. He literally tells her that lying and cheating is in her blood. 

Yikes! Flashback time Arnav - when she just alluded how he would feel if his sister’s marriage broke he tore her strings, and he legit just insulted her parents. All because she played some childish pranks. 

I have to say Khushi does put up a good fight, for most of it, and I love Anjali trying her best to intervene but yes… the way Arnav just flares up here - he crosses quite a few lines (hence I am not at all sorry when Khushi flings the hot tea on him, sorry I’m a sadist). I think his continuous push to show his authority, superiority over her is not really healthy. 

And that last Rabba Ve (although the tune is beautiful) which is evoked by her tears, and previously evoked by the impressions of his fingers around her wrist, gives a very wrong message to the public.

Track Rewrite: 

I never, ever want to change their essential characteristic. I’m pretty satisfied when he’s literally burned after he’s burned her with his words. Karma always gets him...

But, I really wouldn’t mind a strong, confident, and angry “ENOUGH” from Khushi as well. Or even a quiet, deadly, whisper of an “enough” that would stop his nonsensical tirade. It’s important for him to know when he’s crossed the line, before Khushi starts crying.

Really, it wouldn’t hurt if he was taken aback by her burst of anger or the threat of anger instead of tears (remember the Guesthouse incident… he was turned on by her fury, and then he simmered down and felt guilty - that’s a good cycle to follow when there’s an argument. No, not always the turn on side but the ability to give both the parties anger).

Because of late there seems to be an obsession of male heroes getting the ability to insult their “soulmates” and then stopping because of her tears and then never following it up with an apology. There’s a lot of context in the case of Arnav and Khushi… but I always relish when he’s flabbergasted and silenced by her retaliated anger more than anything else (cue, the resignation scene again).

Head-canon:

Arnav: “Di you don’t have to apologise to her, she’s your servant-”

Khushi: “-enough.” / or / “ENOUGH!”

Arnav and Anjali stand, silenced by Khushi’s anger.

Khushi (to Arnav): “Do yourself and your status a favour. Don’t open your mouth. Especially in front of me. I may fall before your eyes, but you dig yourself a grave.”

Khushi walks away, leaving Arnav stunned.

---

Arnav: “Di isse sorry bolne ki koi zaruri nahi hai. Yeh aapki naukar hai-”

Khushi: “-bas.” / or / “BAS!”

Arnav and Anjali stand, silenced by Khushi’s anger.

Khushi (to Arnav): “Aap apne aap aur apne aukaad pe ek ehsaan kijiye. Apna muh mat kholiye. Khaas karke humare saamne. Shayad hum aapke nazro main gir jaate hai, par aap toh khai khodke apne aap ko giraate hai.”

Khushi walks away, leaving Arnav stunned.

--

Too harsh? Too unlike Khushi? Sorry, I’ve been watching that scene on repeat way too many times and I may have vented out a bit - it gets crazier when I list out Khushi’s antics!

Public Service Announcement: 

Don’t break laptops or play pranks on people who might explode on you. Also, don’t waste mango juice on pranks - it’s delicious consumed. Probably that’s why Arnav was angry - one, he cannot drink mango juice due to his diabetes, and two, she wasted it on shoes!

#4 “Mere liye uss baat ki, ya tumhari, koi ehmiyat nahi hai.” (S3, E40)

“For me, that [the almost kiss], or you, don’t mean a thing to me.”

First Reaction: YES THAT’S WHY YOU KEEP ON THINKING ABOUT IT! LIKE OF COURSE BABUA ALWAYS SAYS THE TRUTH AND SAYS THE THINGS HE MEANS. LIKE OF COURSE YOU DID NOT INITIATE THE KISS OR PRESERVE HER ANKLET IN THE KHUSHI SHRINE OF YOURS! What the fu-dge Babua, literally?

What’s wrong with it:

Actually nothing. I just want to mentally slap him, that’s it. This needs to happen. Because honestly at this point of their relationship if this hadn’t happened - if they had kissed, chosen to break up with their partners (more like Khushi absolutely refusing to get engaged and even end up giving an ultimatum to her family) - then they would technically end up together and the most unhealthy point of their relationship.

Arnav is not at all ready for marriage but he would say yes because it’s the only way Khushi would be with him? Khushi, although in love with Arnav, still really has no actual reach to his depth and emotions. 

And really all her fantasies of Arnav are really fantasies, she loves him for what he evokes in her more than what he truly is. He is unable to get her out of his system. It would be a bad place to begin a relationship.

So although nothing is wrong with this scene and it’s like a bitter pill that needs to be swallowed, I still want to say he crossed a line by reinstating that she means nothing to him even though he led her on the entire foreplay of a Diwali. And like… wow, he’s asking what he means to her after he just declared that he’s going to get engaged to his longtime girlfriend who is also now Khushi’s closest friend? Like why… why would Khushi tell you what you mean to her?

Track Rewrite: 

I would rewrite Buaji’s pressure on Khushi. It’s regressive, painful and terrible to watch. I know it’s necessary… and if not rewrite this scene then I would just add a scene in the future where Buaji truly apologises for ruining her dearest Sanka Devi’s life. She owed this at least and it would be nice to see elders recognize their own mistakes at times.

Head-canon: 

Lavanya is in a happy relationship with NK <3.

Public Service Announcement: 

If you have a difficulty in saying what you want to say, enroll in Jalebi Teaches Feelz Expression classes.

#5 “I hope tumhe koi farak nahi padta.” (S4, E8 - S4, E14)

“I hope it means nothing to you / I hope it doesn’t affect you / I hope it doesn’t make a difference to you.” It = me, Arnav, our relationship (or whatever it is).

First Reaction: wherefore art thou asking questions yond thee cannot answ'r?

What’s wrong with it: 

This is where Arnav’s moralities really turn grey. Over here any affection, concern or committment to Lavanya is literally forgotten. Almost possessed, Arnav has three goals; 

(1) Make Khushi admit what he himself cannot admit - that he, them, everything matters to her (2) Prove to Khushi she won’t find a better match than him, that he’s her equal and he’s the only one who can provide for her and give her everything she desires (3) Make her breakup with her undesirable and unworthy fiance (he hasn’t met him but he just knows that her fiance does not deserve Khushi and I have to agree with Arnav, he’s right) and probably end up getting engaged with him.

The epic part of the Raizada plan is - he doesn’t have an idea what would happen if Khushi actually gives a farak. It’s not that Arnav is right or justified, he just stands the way he has always been - in all his fifty thousands shades of grey (not I’m not a fan of that book, pleej no).

Track Rewrite: 

A bit more time for Arnav, Lavanya, his apology and their break up. I love it that he does it instantly, but I also wish he spent more time talking to Lavanya. Just some more Arnav/Lavanya scenes, we really never got to see more of their friendship and her understanding.  

As far as everything else, Khushi’s inner battles and silence is really amazing - it’s what gives her dignity and it’s her self preservation. Arnav is redeemed by the fact that he genuinely is Khushi’s soulmate and he can feel her distress and is the only one who accurately senses that Khushi might have been pressured to agree to this marriage. Who knows Khushi cannot live in a loveless marriage. It’s something he can now guarantee, after a whirlwind of denial.

Although his actions are dubious, he’s the only one who senses the lack of joy and passion. So, rather terribly, he tries to put it across that he can fulfill her needs.

This comes to a halt when Payal refuses Akash in the first proposal. It sheds light on his earlier mistake and he realises that he has been wrong about Khushi all along (so he does not bring up her financial/societal status in insults post the event because Khushi really did end up in fashion show by mistake and more than that - her sister’s marriage did break because of him - not until the hate marriage).

And he realises his error with Lavanya that brings him out of this “I need to possess Khushi” phase.  

So I liked that we saw the ugliest side of their love, the irrational jealousy and demand of possession. And I love that Khushi did not budge in, no matter how much it hurt.

Head-canon: 

Lavanya knew all about it. Hence, she never holds Khushi responsible and instead guides Arnav to making better decisions. 

Also, Khushi went through a similar, crazed phase. Except we never see it because Khushi grows increasingly quiet when her heart is suffering. She uses words to express and choses silence when she does not want to acknowledge.

Public Service Announcement: 

Remember, it’s a good thing that they show us the unhealthy and healthy phase of a relationship between two people who love each other. This phase was decidedly toxic between Arnav and Khushi - when love is jealous, causes pain, is insensitive, is madness - see the signs and don’t go in deep when it’s at this phase. Every love has its time to mature and grow. Thank you for coming to my TED talk.

Read Part 2

[oveliagirlhaditright]

I rewatched Back Cover, and here are some random thoughts.

One, I still laugh when Aced says “what?”, when the Master of Masters tells him to be Ira’s right-hand-man. Such a good line delivery!

I got the feeling that The Master of Masters may not be completely insane or evil... rather, I wonder if he’s fighting with his mentality. Because there are times where he seems... normal. Like he is genuinely nice and wants to save the world. But then there are others that hint at the brokenness, like when he starts swinging around the Chirithy in the beaker almost aggressively... It kind of reminds me of his theme, tbh... that’s so broken and insane. It kind of works if he’s supposed to have a shattered mind. IDK. This might just be my head canon for now. But this is the first time I’ve ever seen him this way. Usually I’m like, “What if he’s evil? What if he’s good?” I don’t know if I’ve ever stopped to think he could be both and battling with himself to see which he’s going to be.

Also... I genuinely think the Master of Masters wanted Gula to find and stop the traitor now, maybe? As Ava going against him--who seems to be the traitor--didn’t seem to be a part of his plans... unless it was? Even Luxu doesn’t know if the traitor’s actions were part of the Master’s plans or not.

Getting some real Roxas vibes from Gula this time around (and I could maybe see Ava as Naminé this time... even if I don’t want that theory to be true). And I never realized he says “that’s exactly why!” twice.

And somehow I never caught that Ira goes so far into “must kill Gula mode”, because he first had the idea that whoever had the Lost Page was the traitor... and when Aced revealed that it was Gula, Ira’s mind was going, “Murderous tendencies engaged.”

...I think Sora might be in the box. Seriously. A lot of us are theorizing that the Master of Master planned for Sora to disappear at the end of KHIII, because it’d get in his way of doing something. So what if it goes further than that... and he somehow locks Sora in the box--after giving Luxu orders to never open it--so he can never come back and put a stop to his plans? Especially since the box is described as the worlds’ hope, which sounds a lot like Sora to me. (I also came up with the crazy theory that Sora’s body is in the box... and the Master of Masters meant to use it as a vessel. But there’s really no basis for this. It’s just a thought that popped into my head.)

And... granted, Master of Masters!Sora might just be on my mind now, since I write that a lot in fanon (even though I don’t want it in canon)... but I kind of saw even more Sora and Master of Masters parallels, this time around. Though it’s probably a Foils thing. If either of these last two theories I mentioned are true, it’s probably the Sora being in the box one. Not this one.

Something about Luxu worrying about the others reminds me of the Dark Road kids in school now.

Also... I think we all now get why the music that played at the end of Back Covers played in the Cavern of Remembrance in KHII... it’s because the Dandelions are in a Data Projection, like the fights in the Cavern of Remembrance were data projections.

And I’ve never stopped to think about it--and I didn’t pay attention to it this time. I might have to another time, or someone else could tell me something if they’ve picked up on it--but I wonder if where the terms like “Case of Ira” were located, and whatnot, are supposed to correspond with the character and tell us something about them... and if so, what?

And, yes: Ray Chase still owns this.

Edit: I still think the Master of Masters was going to say something else before Gula interrupted him and was then like, “Yeah, fine, just go with that.”

Edit 2: This may be a baseless assumption... but I now think the Master of Masters’ “I see” lines as he looked into the future was about Sora and Kairi. Since someone or something seems to purposefully keeping them apart. And it now appears that Xehanort messed with her fate... and let’s be honest: at this point, he was probably told to do so by the Master of Masters.

[x0401x]

Wow, I appreciate the essay that proved no point, thank you. I wonder how you could've mistaken I meant IN ALL YOUR POSTS when all I was talking about was how you literally just talked about MasaMina in the flower post. It's more beyond me how badly you comprehended my ask. The point abut me not giving sources is so you could look it up yourself because why would I let someone copy my hard-worked homework, noh? Maybe if you properly did research then you'd have a much proper analysis on it.

Anyway.

Honey, it seems you still don’t get it: you’re the one who made the claim, so you’re the one who has to prove your point, which you haven’t. You can’t just accuse someone of something without any argument and then tell them to prove otherwise. That’s not how it works.

Oh, that. I read “posts” by accident. I stayed up late to answer you, so my head wasn’t working straight. But I didn’t mistake any of the rest, so don’t try to generalize. Also, my answer remains the same. I don’t think I talked about them more than I should, because there isn’t a limit to how much I should talk about them. I’ll talk about them as much as I want because it’s my own post.

Lmfao, “hard-worked homework”. Right, visting a site is so much work. If you were actually trying to be constructive with these asks, you’d at least name the sources. All that happens if I google what I had already googled is that I find the exact same results, obviously. It’s impossible that you haven’t realized this much. Your claim remains baseless.

Also, don’t worry, I read your post through and through which is exactly why I knew how much of the post you were wrong. You even got some of the flowers wrong, most especially Masa-san’s. And moreover, I see no point, still, in putting them together, because as I’ve mentioned, they are individual characters and Kyoani gave them separate flowers. I don’t know how you automatically thought of them instead of generalizing the more important people around them unless you were clearly ship-biased.

Yet you were and still are so vague about it. Just tell me already what was wrong so I can fix it instead of repeating yourself like a broken disk.

The meanings of their flowers are directly linked to each other, and most of them represent the two at the same time. If I were to do what you say, at most, I’d only separate them by the flowers of the bonus artworks and write about the others as a set, but that doesn’t change the fact that the interpretations of one would cite the other so it makes no difference.

You don’t know why? I just told you in the examples from my previous answer.

“Generalizing the more important people around them”? Are you implying that there’s some sort of ranking of who’s more important to who and suggesting that Minato and Masaki’s relationship is less important to themselves than other relationships? Do you perhaps not realize that their relationship is the main one of the story? If so, then I can only assume that you didn’t read the novel.

I don’t really care much if you post MasaMina on end because I know you roll with that, but pushing it on a generalized post where EVERYONE is supposedly involved, I’m not sure what other un-rude term I could call it, tbh. I’m not even sure if I should be the one you should call a child between us i you’re the one who hates on something because your ship wasn’t involved in it. Of course, you would deny because you’re “so smart” but from the way you rant about it, it clearly shows. That’s sad.

It’s not a generalized post, whatever you mean by that. And I fail to see how all the characters being involved equals Masaki and Minato’s flowers having nothing to do with one another.

I would deny simply because it’s not true, lol. I’m not hating on anything, you are. I wouldn’t at all hate it if the symbolism around Minato and Masaki had nothing to do with each other, but it does and that’s not subjective. I already explained how they are involved, but I have no way of forcing it through your thick skull. If you don’t want to understand, you just won’t.

I don’t get why you keep trying to imply that I’m dumb or that I try to act intelligent. Your blatant dislike of my person is the most confusing part of your asks, tbh.

I wasn’t desperate to cover up anything, I know what I wrote you, I have copies in case tumblr deletes it, too ‘cause that happens. Maybe it was partial anon hate but also because I wanted to point out that your supposed analysis of a general thing for Tsurune is wrong and I felt bad for the people who saw/see it. Believing false information. I suggested disclaimer that it was still, nonetheless, your opinion because whether you studied it or not, the information is still not originally yours.

“Maybe” and “partial” are deliberate choices of wording. You indirectly insulted me, came up with accusations all of a sudden, literally tried to corner me, threw a fit because I didn’t reply right away, made false assumptions about me and acted extremely condenscending all along. It was anon hate. Don’t try to smooth it out and just say it like it is.

Stop trying to make it seem as if you being upset with it equals that a lot of people are upset. You’re the only one to ever complain about that post.

It’s not my opinion, and the information not coming originally from me doesn’t make it an opinion (it’s the opposite, actually). The information also doesn’t originally come from the people who host flower-related sites. Flower language has existed for literal centuries.

And I will repeat, interpretting Masa-san and Minato’s flowers are NOT IMPOSSIBLE. You just REFUSE to do it because you were, i don’t know, pushing your ship? You wanted to? But mind you, your post is Tsurune-general related. Masa-san and Minato don’t just have each other; they have families they love, friends they care for, any one of them cou;d’ve been what the flower is for. But you mainly focused on them for no valid reason. Wouldn’t you think that’s being rude?

It’s not rude, lol. That’s probably not the word you’re looking for. But no word of negative connotation applies here anyway.

So what if the post is about all the characters? I don’t see why that’s a reason for me not to relate their flowers to one another when they are, in fact, related. Besides, I talked more about them because there’s more symbolism surrounding them. Can’t help that 90% of the flower language used in the books is for their relationship.

Again, see the examples I used in my other response. Who was it that Masaki met in middle school and then met again as an adult? Whose smile is Minato weak to? There isn’t any other character who can be used as answer to these questions. This isn’t a matter of opinion. It’s literally what the author wrote.

You mentioned their bonds but neglected the relationship of the characs that appeared in the latter part of the flower post. I honestly couldn’t go past that post without reading about Masa-san and Minato but never really seeing other names get mentioned again. I didn’t mind my embarrassment tbh, if that’s anything to be embarrassed about. I just hope you’ll admit to being wrong for once, though. I’m not expecting an apology, but truth. Because I feel bad for the ones seeing your post.

I didn’t. I mentioned the team in Minato’s and Akihiro in Masaki’s Blu-ray artwork flowers. But I couldn’t see how anyone else applied to the flower language of the book.

Why do you keep repeating the things I said (and yet act like you’re not being childish)? I don’t have to apologize, lmao. You’re the offender here.

I’m certainly not wrong for interpreting things based on canon, and I write my posts the way I see fit, because my blog. Stop trying to force me into modifying my post to your wishes. That’s entitled as hell. Just make an account to write your own posts, if you really don’t have one, that is. Otherwise, die mad about me.

I appreciate you called me trying to point out your wrongs as assholery childishness. Now I’m just wondering if you’ll show my asks to prove you’re right or to prove I’m a child. I don’t really mind, I’m beyond it. As you’ve said, I am an asshole, best to live up with it, I don’t recall calling you anything, however. And to be clear, I’m not an anti-MasaMina before you point that out.

It’s assholery because you refuse to specify it and don’t present evidence to back it up, just keep saying that I’m wrong and biased. That’s not “pointing out” anything, it’s flaming, pure and simple.

Oh, so you think calling me names would be the only thing that defines it as assholery and anything else is fair game. That explains it all.

I don’t care whether or not you’re anti-MasaMina, honestly.

Okay, here they go:

Full of shade. Cue other three of those.

This one was doing fine, but then the tantrum started:

And then you came back pretending that nothing had happened:

I guess you’re gonna say that I should learn to take criticism or use some other bigoted argument. This is anon hate. Baseless, improductive, entitled and purely offensive. Case closed.

Funny the first one about the tag wasn't even mine. Oh I've read the novel, don't worry, it's kind of why I'm countering your opinions right now. I never said Masa-san and Minato's relationship was any less important but the story isn't even about them. The title says what the story is about. Masa-san is merely one of the many links of relationships Minato could have so the point stands. They're not a set. I'm more wondering if you've read it yourself.

Fixed that now.

Right, what the author writes is totally my opinion.

The story is literally about them. It’s literally the main relationship. What’re you even saying???

You say “merely” as if he doesn’t make that much of a difference when he was literally the trigger to everything.

You bet I did, that’s why I quote it directly all the time, which you don’t do ever.

I see that this discussion has no way of advancing because you don’t really seem to pay attention to my responses. My guess is that you’ll continue saying the same stuff, which would force me to do the same because there’s literally nothing else I can tell you.

I don’t mind answering other asks, but the flower post is out of question. It’s a waste of my time saying the same stuff again and again. This topic is over for me. Just refer back to the post and our whole discussion if you think otherwise.

[pocket-luv101]

I would like to get some stuff off my chest...

I never talked about this but there were times I’ve considered leaving the Servamp fandom. For over a year, I’ve received rude anon messages. It started as “How can you stan a murderer?” After a while, it became “You write the characters OOC. Lawlicht is so abusive”. Which morphed into “Stop bombarding the tag. You’re annoying”. I just deleted those messages. 

They hurt but there was nothing I could do but sweep everything under a rug. I never bothered to respond because I knew it would be pointless. I couldn’t tell anyone about the messages either. I felt that others wouldn’t care and it would likely end with people saying I’m trying to start drama. I thought of turning off anons but I knew shy people send asks through anon. It didn’t feel right to punish shy people because of a few rude anons.

A week ago, the anons got so much worse. It went from a few every month to a bunch in a day. Anons started to call me names that ranged from “fujoshi c***” to “shipper trash”. It got to the point where I had to turn off anon and I emptied my inbox. I also decided to step away from the fandom and I moved all my queued posts into my drafts. It wasn’t the name calling that got to me (I got enough of that in high school to be numb).

The reason they thought they were right in saying it is what made me snap. When I say “I ship Mahiru with everyone” it’s a joke. I thought people knew this. I think ships like LawHiru and WorShu are cute but I don’t treat them seriously like I do with my OTPs or expect them to be canon. I intended those rare pairs to be lighthearted fun.

This fandom has always been small and there are only a few content creator among us. I love Servamp as a series and I want to draw people into the fandom. I make a bunch of silly quotes and queue them. I also write a lot. At first, it was only for my OTPs. But I was afraid of becoming too repetitive and I didn’t want to limit myself. Rare pairs let me vary my writing. 

But people only look at that on a surface level and make assumptions about me. Just because I have a lot of ships, it doesn’t mean I don’t value the friendships between these characters. If you read my fanfics, you will know that. Friendship and platonic love are often the motivation for the characters in my multi-chapter fanfics where I can explore the characters more.

Forest of Ash: Licht travels across the world to fight the God of the Dead and save his friend, Mahiru. He only puts aside his prejudice against gods when Mahiru defends Kuro.

Secrets in Time: Mahiru threatens Mikuni when he learns that he sold Tetsu a fake brooch.

Spellbound: Mahiru is willing to bend the rules in his investigation because a serial killer is targeting musicians like his friend.

Second Chance: Mahiru warns Hyde not to hurt Licht and slaps him when he finds out he had. Kuro and World End actively support Hyde and helps him win back Licht.

Misono’s BDay: Centers around Mikuni feeling left out now that Misono has so many new friends.

Servamp Christmas: The Servamps want to throw a party to show how much they appreciate their Eves. The second chapter is exclusively for platonic relationships.

Those are just six small examples off the top of my head. I don’t like when people who don’t know a thing about me place assumptions on me as if they do. I feel like people don’t see me as a person and they just say whatever they want about me. I am a person with emotions and a breaking point.

I know I’m not one of the big personalities in the fandom who people actually care about. Most of the DMs I get, it’s usually one of three things: (1) “Hey, are you friends with ‘x’? Can you introduce us?”; (2) “I was blocked by ‘x’. Can you talk to them for me?”; or (3) “Oh, sorry, I actually wanted to send this to another creator.” Whenever I get one of those, I try to be polite but it still stings. Hell, I doubt a majority of people here knows my name. Occasionally, I get a nice DM but I’m always waiting for the hammer to drop and they say one of those three things.

I never wanted to make a post like this because I don’t like drama. I’ve seen how poorly the fandom handles these things and that stopped me from talking about this. A part of me also knew that it would likely blow up in my face. With that foresight, I decided that it was best to keep my head low for the past year. I faked a smile and made little jokes to cover up how people have made me feel in this fandom. 

I continued to write because I love the series and its characters. I don’t want to let a few people change how I feel about a series. There are also very nice people I’ve met. But after that new wave of anons, I snapped. Aren’t I allowed to get frustrated when words and baseless accusations are thrown at me? Apparently, no. People will once again just assume I’m a bitch.

Now, I’m just tired after everything and I simply can’t pretend to be okay anymore. I still love Servamp but I’ll keep to myself for a while.