#based on my own fear of the dentist

[mayblossomss]

Whumptober Day 25: Surgery / "It's for your own good"

Ponyboy hated-- no, despised the dentist. Every six months when he'd be forced to return to that gruesome building filled with the smell of Colgate and the sound of people's mouths being washed out, was pure torture. It freaked him out, as it did most kids, but Ponyboy was no longer a kid. He was all of fourteen-years-old, and most guys he knew his age weren't afraid anymore.

Did that make him feel a little embarrassed? Sure. He was grown up now, and very mature, meaning it was silly to be scared of someone cleaning your teeth and making friendly conversation with you while their hands were down your throat. But then again, they dug floss between your teeth until you bled, and wouldn't hesitate to bring out tools to drill into your teeth if they so desired. It's not an irrational fear, Ponyboy would tell himself, it's absolutely valid.

Every time he went to the dentist, they berated him for excessive smoking and warned him of the damage that it was causing to his teeth. Their monologues never moved Pony, but it was tiresome to hear the same thing every single time he visited.

A few weeks prior, Ponyboy had gone for his regular checkup, expecting it to go as it always did: spend all day panicking, arrive, get his gums violently assaulted, be scolded, go home with a package of floss and a new toothbrush. Unfortunately for him, it did not.

"Well, that's not good," The lady cleaning his teeth hummed, stretching his cheek even further to the side as she took a closer look into his mouth.

Ponyboy would've asked what she meant if he could speak, so Darry spoke up for him. "What's wrong?"

"His wisdom teeth seem to be coming in," she started, letting go of Ponyboy's cheek and getting up from her chair. "But I fear he won't have enough room for them, and it'll mess up the rest of his adult teeth."

"What do you have to do, then?" Darry pressed, eyebrows knitting together as he worried silently if this meant another costly appointment. He'd do it, for Pony of course, but that didn't mean it wouldn't hurt him, or rather his wallet.

"Well, if the dentist agrees, we'll have to remove them."

Ponyboy's world may as well have came crashing down at her words. Remove them? Remove his teeth? That wasn't right! He's supposed to have teeth, why the hell would you removed them?! As a kid, whenever he'd get a wiggly baby tooth, he'd wait until the last possible moment to take them out due to how painful it was to tug them free of his gum. Removing teeth that were not meant to be removed had to have been the worst kind of pain known to man!

The dentist had of course decided that the removal of his wisdom teeth would be necessary, all four of them. So, Ponyboy spent the next weeks dreading the approaching day of his surgery. When it came, he prayed that every car they drove past on the way to the dental office would crash into them, injuring or preferably killing him. He didn't get that lucky.

At the dentist, Ponyboy's leg bounced up and down as he rested his face miserably in his hands. Soda wasn't there since he had a work emergency, but Darry was with him. He sat to his left, watching the clock, and tapping his foot impatiently. Despite his best efforts, Pony's eyes pricked with tears, and he buried his face into his hands to conceal them.

Darry noticed after a few seconds thanks to Ponyboy sniffling quietly, a telltale sign that he was crying. He looked over, reading his anxious body language, and clenching his jaw. He knew how much his brother hated the dentist, and surgery must have been horrifying for the boy: shoot, it was for everyone, even if they didn't hate the dentist. Soda had spoken to Darry on a few occasions about how Ponyboy's nightmares seemed to have came back ever since he found out about his surgery, and it killed him that he couldn't do anything to help.

Wrapping an arm around his shoulders, Darry squeezed reassuringly and leaned over. "Hey, it's gonna be okay, baby."

Ponyboy shook his head wordlessly, afraid that if he spoke, he'd break down into sobs. He wanted to be tough. He didn't want to be petrified of the dentist, but he couldn't help it.

Darry sighed, pulling him closer. "You're going to be okay. They'll put you under, make sure you can't feel a thing, and the next time you're up, I'll be right your side."

"I'm scared, Darry," Pony confessed timidly, raising his head to show his tear-stained cheeks.

"I know you are," he responded, brushing a few tears off of his face. "But I promise you, you're going to be fine."

"This is stupid," Ponyboy muttered childishly. "I don't need 'em removed, they don't hurt or nothin'."

Darry fought back an amused grin at his kid brother's kiddish protest. "It's for your own good, I swear. They wouldn't be doing this if it wasn't."

"They're greedy," Ponyboy grunted. "They want us to spend more money on useless procedures."

"It ain't useless," Darry sighed, smiling a little. "It's preventing you from messing up your perfect teeth."

"They ain't perfect."

"Better than Soda's, that's for sure."

Ponyboy scoffed, letting a grin spread across his lips. "Soda's are fine. I can't say the same for Steve, or even Two-Bit's."

Darry grinned, thankful that Pony was joking around now rather than crying. The playful atmosphere dissipated quickly, however, as a nurse walked into the room, smiling and calling out, "Ponyboy Curtis?"

Pony's eyes glimmered with panic as he shakily got to his feet, Darry following suit. They followed behind the nurse until they got to the surgery room. Ponyboy stepped hesitantly into the room, being encouraged by the dentist to get comfortable on the chair.

Turning to Darry, the dentist spoke regretfully, "I'm sorry, sir, but you can't be in here while he undergoes surgery."

Eyes widening in horror, Ponyboy wanted desperately to protest, but he couldn't. Knowing his brother would be more scared without him, Darry asked the dentist, "Can I stay with him until he goes under?"

With the nod of the dentist's head, Darry stood beside Ponyboy, grabbing his hand gently and smiling as confidently as he could down at him. "I'll be here as soon as you wake up, I promise."

An anaesthesiologist entered the room, preparing Ponyboy to be administered the drug to put him under. As everything was finished, he was told to count backwards from ten, and as he did, he slowly grew sleepier and sleepier.

Before he could reach one, he found himself falling into darkness, the last thing he saw being Darry. He hoped that he'd be the first thing he saw when he woke up too, assuming he does at all.

[chronicbeans]

I've heard a lot of theories about Caine's name, and while I'm not sure if anything's been confirmed by the creators (I don't use a lotta social media and stuffs so I'm not entirely in the loop if they've said things on there), but I have my own little theory. It's not really that complex or anything, but here goes nothing! This is based just on what was seen in the pilot, so I may be wrong about Caine's characterization. After all, we only have a little to go off of, so far!

So, I hear a lot of people mention the Cain and Abel story from the Bible, but I personally don't believe it is connected to that, so far.

I think it might be a reference to novocaine, an anesthetic which is most commonly used during dental procedures to numb an area of the mouth. It's not the most common drug used for dental procedures, since that's now lidocaine (which, well, also ends in CAINE), but it the most commonly known drug and used to be the most common. I mean, for one, Caine's head is literally a set of teeth with gums, and novocaine is injected into the cheeks or gums. The other reasoning I have for this is that while Jax, Pomni, Zooble (is her name is referencing something I just don't know what it is), and Gangle's names don't have much to do with their appearance, Kinger, Ragatha, and Bubble's names do. Kinger's a chess piece, Ragatha is based on a Raggedy Ann doll, and Bubble is... well, a bubble!

Another reason I have for this is a bit more metaphorical. Since Caine is and AI and the ringmaster, as well as the fact that he is clearly trying to keep the humans trapped entertained, he's essentially there to try to numb the fear, dread, and mental pain that being stuck in the Digital Circus causes. By distracting them with adventures, witty dialogue, and even going as far as to try to make a fake exit to keep them hopeful, he's basically doing what he can to just keep them sane so they won't abstract, even if he isn't the best at doing so. He can't get them out, he can't 100% for sure keep them from going insane, but he can provide mind numbing distractions and games to give them something... possibly with the hopes that someone outside the program may, one day, get them out. It's a bit like how novocaine can't *fix* the problem you're going to the dentist for. That's the dentist's job, not the anesthesia's. The novocaine can only numb you up while they do so.

EDIT/ADDITIONS: Another thing is that the reason why most modern dentists don't use novocaine is because, even though it is a minority of patients, some people have severe allergic reactions to novocaine. It is less likely to have a reaction to lidocaine, which is why most modern dentists use that, or other anesthetics, instead. This could relate to how Caine WANTS to help the people trapped, but due to his own obliviousness and habit for mischief, he more often tends to cause distress instead of joy or fun. He has every intention to help them, be it bringing joy or simply distracting them, but there is a flaw that is causing problems with him being successful at it.

[thesnazzysharky]

Waffling about/reviewing Trevor Henderson's Cryptids because I think they're cool (Part 1)

Today!.. well... you can read the title can you? There will be a total of 10 cryptids included in this list. Some I will have more to say than others. I'll be reviewing these weirdos based on things like their design, additional info or lore, scare factor, and overall quality of their image(s) and I may offer some theories here and there. If the cryptid has more than one image to it, I will be stating which one is my favorite. I will most likely be making more parts to this where I review even more.

Before we get into that, I do want to establish some things. 1. This list and the following lists will not be going in any specific order. All of the cryptids chosen and their placements will be random aside from maybe the very last one. So don't view this as a ranking list.

2. A lot of Trevor's creations do not have official names. Most are either given a name by fans or they straight up don't have a name at all (or at least not one that I could find). I'll be making sure to specify on whether a name is official, was made by fans, or was made specifically by me. For example: "This creature is officially known as...", "This creature is known by the fans as...", "I personally call this creature..." You get the point. 3. When it comes to the more indepth cryptids (like Siren Head, Cartoon Cat, Long Horse, ect). I may have to talk about those in their own separate post because there's a lot more images and captions to go through and analyze. 4. Trevor has multiple different social media platforms where he has given out information about his creatures. With some of those platforms being deleted or made private in the case of his Twitter account. This makes keeping up with and trying to gain information about his creatures tedious and confusing. Some info on one platform may not be available on the other. Or it may not exist anymore due to succumbing to link rot. Misinformation about these creatures thus spreads easily. Making it not easy to tell what's official and what's essentially just headcanon. The Trevor Henderson Wiki and its unprofessional and abandoned state is a big example of this.

I'll be making sure that the info I have is as accurate as possible and comes from a primary source somewhere. Even if that source has succumbed to link rot, I at least know that it existed at one point. If possible, I'll also be providing additional screenshots if they're available so I don't sound like I'm talking out of my ass.

If I make a mistake or you think I should add something, please let me know so I can change or add it. With that, lets get started!

10. The Smile Room

"07/27/06 - Two teenagers go missing after breaking into the "Neb's Fun World" bowling in Oshawa, Ontario. A friend finds a cell phone while looking for them and turns it into the police after finding this photo. Upon investigation, "The Smile Room" is not a part of the building."

A lot of Trevor's creations look like freakish abominations or eldritch horror beings. He sometimes goes for a more simple approach though. This being officially known as The Smile Room is a pair of teeth within a door. Yet that's all it needs to be a very cool design. Seeing something like that paired with the text above the room ominously and vaguely stating "THE SMILE ROOM" is incredibly bizarre as it is disturbing. The darkened gums, apparent saliva, the crooked teeth. A huge nope right there. Somebody get this thing checked out to a dentist ASAP. The caption states that this "room" made two teens go missing and that when the police went to investigate further, the room was gone. So there's that fear of the unknown factor. What is this thing?

A later image depicts the mouth being able to pull itself out of its room with tendrils, which looks very disgusting and discomforting.

Then we get this crazy ass image that's simply captioned "smile room host".

So not only is the mouth thing able to physically move itself around, but it can also have a "host" akin to a parasite.

Trevor later went to state the following about this thing "A wormhole between our universe and the mouth of some sleeping, near-dead entity of unfathomable size, any abandoned room or space could become a "smile room". Anyone drawn in is decimated (much like a black hole), though it may make ambulatory hosts as a last resort."

So the Smile Room we're seeing is only a small portion of... whatever it is. It's a dying beast making its way into our world so it can feed out of desperation. When asked why its close to death, Trevor responded...

Entropy meaning lack of order or predictability. We don't know what type of entropy the Smile Room is going through, but my guess is that it has something to do with its home universe. Something really bad must have happened there if this beast had to resort to eating smaller beings in a whole different universe. Makes you wonder what horrors are going on in that universe.

Damn strong start here. I like the Smile Room a lot. It's a simple yet unnerving design with some perfect mystery to it. All of its artwork is banging and nice looking too.

As for my favorite illustration of it, I really like the one depicting the Smile Room Host. The design is unnerving and the red lighting in the background, as if to signify that you're in serious danger, is great. Although I have to go with the first and original one when it comes to being my favorite. It's simply perfectly and effectively ominous. Not to mention that the story behind the background itself is interesting.

The gums and teeth are fake obviously, but the text above the door is surprisingly real. The Smile Room is a real life thing that originated from a now abandoned asylum. Dating back all the way to the 1920's!

You can even find a 26 minute video exploring said abandoned asylum right here. It's a wonderful watch that manages to be both serene and unsettling (considering how unethical asylums were back then). The camera work is great, the pieces of soundtrack here and there are atmospheric, and the two dudes in the video exploring the asylum aren't annoying. When you have the time, give it a watch!

Just a very cool creature. 5/5

9. Photo-Booth Man

"For a period of roughly three months, from April to mid June of 2002, a public photo-booth at the Steltson Oaks Mall in the San Fernando Valley portion of Los Angeles only produced photos of the same man, regardless of who was using the machine. The man was always facing dead ahead, with an expressionless face. It was hard to determine what age the man was, though he appeared to be in his late teens to early 20's. By early June, photos of the man were being produced much more rapidly, and they had begun to change. Photos of the man increasingly came out warped, with staring eyes and deformed features. Eventually, the machine was decommissioned due to customer outcry, with many complaining of being so alarmed by the photos, they would dream of the man. It's current location is unknown. Existing photos of the photo-booth man are said to fetch high numbers at very specific auctions, held for people who specialize in finding such things."

One of Trevor's older creations. This one is pretty straight forward and simple, but I like it a lot. Officially known as Photo Booth Man, the images of this guy are well made, managing to strike the uncanny valley effect for me. You can tell he's supposed to be human, but something about him just feels... very wrong. I especially like this specific illustration of the man.

The idea of a photo booth popping out weird and creepy pictures of someone you don't recognize is great and it makes you question the paranormal nature going on here. Why is this photo booth producing photos of this man? Did something happen in or near the photo booth? The deformities of the man's face in the later pictures could imply that something gruesome happened to him. Leading to him looking like... that. To speak about the caption provided to the illustrations, it does a pretty good job at making them all the more chilling. Something that I find interesting and made a mental note of is that a good chunk of Trevor's earlier work were more willing to have lengthy captions or at least be more descriptive when it came to giving a bit of info about the cryptid. Trevor would later lean on the more vague and cryptic side when it came to the captions in his later illustrations. I assume because leaving things more vague makes these creatures all the more scarier. I think the more detailed caption works well here nonetheless. I like the little story it provides and the bit of mystery is pretty cool.

There's definitely more scary or interesting cryptids, but still pretty decent. 3.5/5

8. We See You

"Tape found by the side of the road in the Colorado desert in November of 2012. Footage is the same three minutes of footage on a loop, with the camera recording out the passenger side window as the driver and passenger panic. Unknown figures wave to the car. While at first the tape appears to be made of the same few minutes on repeat, and the dialogue is the same, it appears that each three-minute segment bears small differences from each other, such as the pattern of clouds in the sky and the number of figures."

Okay, this one is really disturbing and I love it. Simply because of how this feels like something straight out of surreal nightmare. These poor souls ended up in this "trap" as one of them calls it as seen in the image. Considering how the tape plays out, I assume that they were just going on a drive in the desert, before realizing everything around them felt like it was stuck in a loop.

That was when they began to panic and when the waving shadows started popping up. Something then eventually happened to them that caused them to disappear and that tape being the only thing left of them. There could be other possibilities and interpretations as to how the exact events played out though.

Nonetheless, this one is really creepy and good. Anything involving getting stuck in a repetitive loop is horrifying and this is a good example of that. The waving shadows are unnerving, the dialogue seen in the image where the driver and passenger are in fear and disbelief as to what's happening is well done, and the "WE SEE YOU" text in bright red on a billboard (hence the name I've given to this entity) brings everything all together.

You do wonder what happened to the driver and passenger. I can't imagine that they went out in a peaceful way. Either that or maybe they met a fate worse than death.

Very good 5/5

7. Mr. Bag

"mr.bag"

Officially known as Mr. Bag, this is easily one of my favorites among Trevor's cryptids and it pains me how underrated he seems to be. We're first introduced to this thing by the image seen above. Simply captioned "mr.bag". Not much info to gain for now, but this illustration is already a great introduction to him.

This dude is creepy as all fuck, especially with his pale face, closed eyes, and lack of any expression or emotion. But then it gets worse once you realize how disturbingly tall he seems to be. Further implied by the simplistic drawing behind him. More interestingly though, the second simple drawing depicts a person going towards a small house or shed. With Mr. Bag presumably being inside.

Things only get more interesting when we see the other images and the info they provide.

This image of Mr. Bag would be posted after the previous one. Depicting what is presumably a young girl that is "friends" with Mr. Bag. She seems to have drawn this artwork for her friend or maybe to show off to her parents.

We get some info that we already knew. Such as how his trash bag body is shiny and how he's so damn tall that he could easily sign up for the NBA. But then we get some disturbing new info. The "WRAPPED UP INSIDE" text with the artwork depicting a dead person inside Mr. Bag.

This explains Mr. Bag's complete lack of expression in the first image. He's dead... yet he's still alive at the same time somehow? Also curious as to how Mr. Bag is able to move at all, since the artwork clearly shows that the dead person inside the bag doesn't fully fit their "casing". Is Mr. Bag supposed to be the dead person or the bag itself? Odd but very interesting. Let's go to the next illustration.

“Hey Dad. It’s going ok. Yeah. I can tell it’ll take a lot longer to clean than I thought. I haven’t even touched the basement yet. I thought I heard an animal down there! Yeah, I know you warned me. It’s ok. It’ll give me a chance to say goodbye. Yeah. Love you too. Bye.”

The caption here implies that whoever is texting their father is moving out of their household. Perhaps it's the young girl that made the crayon drawing we saw earlier, now all grown up.

That aside, they state that they heard an animal down in the basement. And how "it" will give them a chance to say goodbye. The illustration depicts Mr. Bag in said basement who, strangely, changed a bit in appearance. Looking to be a bit taller.

A very ominous and unnerving image right here. Considering the fact that Mr. Bag was apparently making noises that could be mistaken for an animal and that the speaker's father warned them about going down in the basement with Mr. Bag; something tells me Mr. Bag isn't too happy that the "friend" they knew since childhood is planning on leaving him. And so we get to see what exactly happens when Mr. Bag is upset in the next image.

“It followed us even when we fled the house. I saw it for the first time while stopping for gas. We’re still driving. I’m afraid to stop for more than a night. It’s always close.”

Annnnd this folks is why becoming friends with a haunted corpse inside a trashbag is probably NOT a good idea. As expected, Mr. Bag didn't take the goodbye so well, and now he's straight up stalking the speaker and presumably the rest of the family that were living in the household.

What's incredibly unnerving here is that Mr. Bag got taller once again. He's gigantic now. That's because he has killed a few things at this point while chasing down the speaker. Under the original image on Twitter, a user theorized that Mr. Bag kills people by wrapping himself around them; to which Trevor responded with "Nailed it!" Not just that, but he's either insanely fast or can straight up teleport. As the speaker states that "It's always close." No matter how much they try driving away, Mr. Bag is always near. Unfortunately, I don't think the speaker nor their family were able to make it after this.

Okay. Now it's time to talk about why Mr. Bag is the coolest fucking thing Trevor has ever created. Mr. Bag is very interesting compared to some of the other cryptids for one simple reason: he has a personality. Something that you very rarely, if ever, get with Trevor's cryptids.

Mr. Bag can be befriended (as stated in Trevor's danger tier list) and assuming that the speaker in the illustrations was the same little girl who made the crayon drawing, he can be a friendly and perhaps even harmless fella for a long time, as long as you're his friend.

He's a very clingy and quick to anger bastard though the moment that you try to leave him. All the fun and memories you had with him get thrown out the window. He gets emotionally hurt. He gets angry. He gets murderous. He's pretty much that one friend or abusive ex who gets all pissy and uptight when you try to leave them. They won't accept any goodbyes. They want you to stay with them. It's a vicious and tragic cycle. One that Mr. Bag has been apart of for a very long time considering the date on this illustration.

It really makes you wonder why Mr. Bag is this way. My personal theory was that he was once a man who met a tragic fate through unknown means and thus he ended up in the bag he's in now. After possessing his own corpse essentially, he was filled with sorrow and misery, but something that did bring him some happiness was making friends.

Making friends is all he wants in his current life. Since he can't really live a normal life anymore due to the state he's in. This is why he becomes angry and murderous when his friends try to leave him. He wants eternal happiness. He wants to find the perfect friend. Perhaps when he was still human he either had no friends or had serious attachment issues. Leading to what he is now.

Whatever lead to his creation, this guy is a wonderful and perfect horror monster. The little story that is formed through the captions of his images is perfect. To this day, I think he is easily one of the most horrifying cryptids among Trevor's roster. Something about him is just so damn creepy and unnerving to me. I don't know if it has to do with his uncanny face, his insane height, the captions, or the fact that he can go from friendly to murderous on a dime. Or maybe it's all of those things.

As for my favorite illustration of Mr. Bag, I really love the one depicting him in the basement. As stated before, it looks and feels so ominous, especially with the caption alongside it. Despite Mr. Bags lack of facial expressions, something about that particular image gives off the vibes that he is not happy at all. It's awesome.

Extremely underrated. SIX out of five. 6/5

6. Pole Bugs

"They were as slow and harmless as stick bugs, but once you saw one in a neighbourhood, you could count on a whole mess of them showing up. They get up on the poles and good luck making a call. Just white noise and voices from then on."

Known by the community as Stick Bugs and referred to as Pole Bugs by me, these silly boyos are 100% harmless according to the danger tier list.

One thing to appreciate about Trevor's cryptids is that not all of them are dangerous. In fact, a decent chunk of them are harmless as stated by Trevor himself.

Design wise, the Pole Bugs are still pretty creepy. Pale humanoids with two sets of arms that can also double as legs to crawl around with. Akin to a... well... bug.

The caption is also pretty interesting too. Pole Bugs seem to be treated like annoying pests more than anything. Whole groups of them can show up, screwing up telephone poles and thus making it impossible to call anyone. As all you'll hear is just white noise and voices.

Nothing too spectacular about their designs which brings them down a bit, but the caption and the variety they add by being harmless but still annoying pests is really cool. 3.5/5

5. Milkwalker

"I drew the Milkwalker, the best mascot ever. Yes, he’s real."

This is Milkwalker.

I like Milkwalker :)

...

Honestly was thinking of just ending it there lmao. Anways, officially known as Milkwalker and widely known as Milkwalker Ambassador by the community (as I don't recall Trevor ever adding the ambassador part), this is technically not an original creation by Trevor. As Milkwalker has existed way before this illustration and he has some interesting history.

Darigold, an American dairy agriculture company that has existed since 1918, had a mascot that was known as Milkwalker in the 1980's. Appearing on milk cartons where... he looked quite strange to say the least. The text next to him didn't help matters either.

How anyone at the company looked at that thing and thought "Yeah! The kids will love this!" is a complete mystery to all of us as a species.

To make things even stranger, we have zero idea on who the creator of Milkwalker was. Despite attempts to question Darigold themselves about it.

Nonetheless, Milkwalker would make a revival into meme culture after a now deleted Tumblr blog known as Heck-Yeah-Old-Tech posted the image above where, presumably the poster, is holding a milk carton with Milkwalker on it. The image came with the following caption.

"There are some weird advertising characters out there. This is one of them: Darigold milk during the mid-1980s was putting Milkwalker, a pint of milk with arms and legs (and rather scary ones at that) and huge soul-gobbling eyes, on its boxes with tips on how to live your life safely. Those hinge knees, man. I’ve found no origin story, no other record of his being a thing that answers any questions about what Darigold was thinking and how long he was (to them and the schoolchildren who saw him daily) a thing."

Cue this thing appearing on multiple different social media and even getting a little fandom on Tumblr (because Tumblr has a fandom for everything apparently).

That's pretty much the whole story behind Milkwalker. Not much scare factor or anything deeper than that, but he's still pretty cool with a neat design and I like him a lot. Nice mix between being goofy af yet still slightly creepy.

Silly lil guy. 3/5

4. The Apartment Guest

"As summer gave way for autumn, he started to notice how empty his building was becoming. He'd always been friendly with the other residents, other elderly people like him, so it was strange that so many of them had left without seemingly saying a word. As he sat thinking about this, the wind blowing hard against his window, he heard noise from down the hall. Someone was knocking on each door and then moving on. "Looking for the last person left", was the thought that crossed his mind, as the pounding began at his door."

I've seen this thing go by a few different names in the community, but I simply refer to it as The Apartment Guest. The illustration here is simple but very effective. An uncomfortably up close shot to this humanoid with a black body and pale face. Their mouth and eyes just being empty voids. Disturbing.

Trevor could have just left it at that, but then there's that caption. Holy shit. The fucking caption.

Being up late at night, just casually scrolling through Trevor's Instagram page to search for some cryptids, and then reading "Looking for the last person left", was the thought that crossed his mind, as the pounding began at his door." was, quite literally, spine chilling. Especially visualizing being in that position. Hearing knocking on doors, the noise getting louder and closer to you, and then hearing pounding on your door? Why? Who is that? What are they going to do to me? The amount of horror that I would feel in that moment. Jesus christ.

This particular cryptid is a perfect example on how the captions that Trevor adds to his illustrations can make them all the more better, or in this case, all the more scarier. Not too much is told, but not too little is told either. It's the perfect amount.

Not much else to say. It's just very good. 5/5

3. The Wandering Faith

"* emergency storm warning * all residents please remain indoors and wait for further dispatches"

Often incorrectly referred to as Day 17 by the community due to a Gmod model of it going by the same name. Officially though, the name of this creature is The Wandering Faith.

The Wandering Faith is very interesting as it's apart of its own group of cryptids known as the Giants. The Giants presumably are in their own universe separate from the cryptids we usually see from Trevor, if this post is anything to go by.

Speculating about the Giants and their universe can be its own separate post, so lets focus solely on the Wandering Faith for now. What is this thing?

Well it's certainly fucking big that's for sure. So big in fact that its N E C C goes all the way up into the clouds and we have no idea what its head looks like. Interestingly though there seems to be tendrils of sorts on its N E C C. Looking at illustrations of some of the other Giants, these tendrils are also visible.

This lead to some theorizing about what was the deal with this thing and the other Giants. A big one being that most of the Giants are actually angels (hence why Wandering Faith has the name that it does). The reason why they have tendrils on them being that they use them to bring those worthy enough into heaven. Trevor would later confirm this theory.

So the Wandering Faith isn't malicious or harmful (at least not intentionally), it just wants to bring you into heaven, if you're lucky and deserving of that.

I never thought the Giants were scary or creepy (aside from maybe Breaking News). Always found them interesting more than anything. I really like the whole angel aspect with them and how later lore implies that some Giants are tasked with bringing the worthy up to heaven while other Giants are tasked with bringing destruction. Purging the world of sinners once everyone else has got their chance at an eternal vacation.

It really does feel akin to Noah's Flood for example. Except instead of a flood purging sinners, it's giant beings of mass destruction. It's really cool.

Overall, nice lore, awesome name, and a basic but still neat design. 4/5

2. Bridge Worm

"bridge worm"

Officially known as Bridge Worm, an illustration of this worm is posted with a caption that simply states its name. Depicting a large and white worm with humanoid arms and a sorrowful expression on its face. A lot of people's reaction to this image was that compared to all of the other cryptids? This lil guy looked pretty cute. And he does! Nothing about the image really implies that this thing is a threat. You would think this would be another one of those cryptids who were actually harmless, but you would be terribly wrong...

This image of the worm reveals that the cute and sad looking face we saw in the previous image wasn't its real face. It was a false one. A way to deceive you. In actuality, there's a freaky ass face under there, and we get to have a more closer look at it in the next image.

"The bridge worm will sometimes venture far from its nest if prey is hard to come by, instinctually hunting at night and in abandoned areas to avoid discovery. Photo below: The adolescent bridge worm folds back its false face as it prepares to feed. RIP Photographer Tomas Pearcing, missing and presumed dead. The scientific community thanks you for your service."

As we can see, the worm can fold back its false face, revealing a fleshy and oddly human looking face with bri-ish ass looking teeth and uneven eyes. The face that only a mother could love... people were still calling this thing cute though lol.

That said, there's some things to chew on with the caption provided here. Firstly, despite the name, the Bridge Worm can venture away from where it usually is when it's desperate. Secondly, "adolescent bridge worm". So this thing not only seems to be a species rather than a singular being, but the one we're seeing now and the previous one we saw earlier are just teenagers. So what the hell do the adults look like? We'll get back to that one. Thirdly, "The scientific community thanks you for your service." That line really intrigued me and got my brain going. What scientific community specifically? Are there people trying to study these worms and the other cryptids too? How is that like? How does that work? Even if that's not the case, this community now has knowledge and evidence of a strange and abnormal creature. So what will they do now? Are we actually getting some world building here? That rarely happens.

Some intriguing stuff there. Going back to questioning what an adult Bridge Worm looks like, there is this.

Here we get to see what an adult Bridge Worm looks like, which has also been referred to as the Highway Worm by the community. As they mature, they loose their limbs, become a sorta beige/brown color, and the false face seems to disappear as well.

This has most likely been retconned after some time however. As Trevor would later go on to post the patron saint image of the Bridge Worm on Twitter. Stating that their faces become more refined and human-like as they age, which is what we see below

"Patron saint of dark places, of hungry life, of spotless bones."

Yep. I'm officially having nightmares. Dear fucking god why does it kinda look like another one of those memes where they take the face of Thomas the Tank Engine and stretch it out of his body to ridiculous lengths.

Anyways I really like this weird worm fella! There's some cool biology stuff going on with this one that makes it stand out a bit. Definitely feels less like a paranormal creature and more like just a really weird and dangerous animal. I love the idea of it trying to mimic human faces too. It seems kinda silly at first. I mean, I'm pretty anyone with more than 2 functioning brain cells is gonna treat that trick the same way they treat a girls OnlyFans account: they're not buying that shit.

When you look at it being a stunted evolutionary tactic though, something that Trevor supposedly confirmed, it becomes a whole lot cooler. Nature isn't perfect of course and sometimes there will be fuck ups in evolution (like how our species suffers from back problems due to our quick jump from walking mostly on fours to walking solely on two legs).

As for my favorite illustration of the creature, I'd have to go with this one.

It's just so horrifically detailed and really shows how terrifying this thing is. Its fleshy face looks like its melting or can barely hold itself together. It's off putting that it looks so human when it's clearly not. As for the eyes, I like how they're done here. It was hard for me to find the previous illustration with the Bridge Worm's true face revealed to be scary. The eyes just made it look too goofy. Here though, they're executed way better. Coming off as more disturbing. I think it may have to do with how more realistic looking the illustration is overall.

In summary? Awesome worm boi. 5/5

1. The First One

"They'd said to avoid the back highways at night. People get turned around, get lost, go missing, turn up dead. Turn up alive but miles from where they thought they were. It happens all the time, they said. Bullshit. He had no time for that nonsense. He would take his chances."

April 4th, 2018. Trevor would post this to his Instagram account. I call this The First One. Why? Because it's Trevor's first cryptid! Of course, Trevor has been making art long before that, but this is the first artwork he made that went for the found footage aspect that he would later become famous for.

You can definitely tell this was Trevor's first attempt at trying to get the hang of this. The background is actually drawn instead of being a real life image taken from somewhere, something you can see with some of the other earlier works of Trevor as well. Yet it still tries to go for a realistic feel, which for a first attempt at this type of horror, doesn't look too bad.

The cryptid is very simple but still creepy design wise. An entirely grey humanoid whose body is not visible due to its height and it also seems to be floating slightly in the air. The caption here is simple as well, but it works. Adding some substance and horror to an otherwise basic monster.

Interestingly enough, Trevor would later revisit this illustration and tweak it a bit.

"Back from Chicago, time to get back to documenting the found footage of the last moments of the lives of various hitchhikers and urban explorers as they encountered deadly and unknowably monstrous supernatural forces."

I guess this was his attempt at making the illustration a bit more convincing. I like it! The vintage camcorder effect here is a nice change.

Overall, it's interesting to go back to many of Trevor's earlier illustrations and see just how much he has improved overtime. To look at this and then look at his more recent work, the jump in quality is insane.

The illustration itself isn't perfect, but it's still pretty solid, and it's interesting to see what the first cryptid was like. 3/5

Conclusion

Well! That wraps things up for now! I absolutely adore Trevor's work and I feel like in modern times he doesn't get the appreciation he really deserves. The designs he creates for his monsters are terrific and unique. The found footage artworks are amazing and only get better as time goes on. But of course, his regular and non-found footage artwork is amazing too. Just look at how horrifically beautiful this is.

I wanted to make a post like this because it pains how aside from badly done lore videos that just give you misinformation about the creatures (aside from Ancient Horror and Billy Styler, they're the goats), Trevor's creatures rarely get talked about and analyzed like this. You know what they say. "Fine, I'll do it myself".

I spent a long ass time starting from the very bottom of Trevor's Instagram page to climbing to the very top (almost at least, still have to go through a few more illustrations). Bookmarking cryptids, giving some of them names of my own, and just overall having fun looking at these designs and the captions provided with them. The reason behind that being that I don't want to focus solely on the popular cryptids. The lesser known ones deserve appreciation too! I would've never known what Trevor's first cryptid looked like if I didn't take that extra step.

So yeah, this was fun! Looking forward to doing more of this at some point. Thank you for reading and have a snazzy day!

[secretlythepits]

Passenger Seat

This week—

This week—

This week did not go as expected. My husband made choices that last minute excluded me from important oncology appointments. Fine. It’s his choice. But I didn’t call my dentist about a problem I had because I was supposed to be there as a support. I didn’t go to my godson’s wedding across the country because of these appointments. My husband doesn’t quite understand this. I hadn’t wanted him to feel guilty about needing help. The sacrifices I made were cutting but pointless.

His decisions were erratic, fear-based choices. When I tried to get him to slow down and think, he told me not to start.

Because anything that might be emotional, psychological, spiritual, or neurological is off the table.

I didn’t start.

I need to stop.

The mini surge of resentment I felt flooding my body from my toes to my locked jaw puffed my chest with an unintended deep breath.

It’s information, I told myself. Anger is information.

It’s telling me I’ve given too much. Middle age has taught me that I should never give so much that it hurts. Not even in an emergency. Not even to my children. Give only to the point I can freely give up whatever it is being taken. Because, let’s face it, this is not pure generosity. It’s patriarchal expectation and familial obligation— which seems to be always the case for wives and moms. Do we ever choose what we give? Isn’t it just that we made a choice to marry and have kids and then everyone else got to define what that choice entailed?

But I digress.

I gave too much. I allowed myself to be squeezed out of my own life— which he gladly accepted and also expected. But I was never happy to do it. I was willing to give to a point, but then damn, it swallowed me up. Again. Maybe that is always the path of caregiving. Maybe. But maybe I can and should put protections around my vital parts.

Yesterday I was in the bathroom when he announced that he was leaving for the appointment. The appointment that is 10 minutes away from our home, scheduled for 1 hour and 45 minutes later. He wanted to be seen earlier and go to work.

Don’t start.

Things I know that he doesn’t: His pathological restlessness is a fear/trauma response. He is alienating others (or kids) with it and hurting himself. Chemo is affecting his thinking. He wanted to go to this doctor, the one who lied to him, the one who will always say he is ok until he actually dies, for reassurance, to step back into comfy denial again.

Things that failed to take place at this appointment because I wasn’t there: discussing clinical trails (the main oncologist said this doctor was supposed to to research them), discussion sleep medication for his insomnia, accountability for lies about CT results, probing questions about the recent PET scan. All that happened was that my husband waited for an hour and 45 minutes and was told everything looks fine, go ahead with the radiation (which was already decided by the radiation doctor).

I missed my godson’s wedding for this.

(It was a small nature wedding on a Wednesday across the country. I wasn’t expected and to be honest, I try to avoid most weddings, but I wanted to be there for this one. It was too late to book without making myself be a disruption.)

I missed calling the dentist for my pain.

I missed working out for this.

(Didn’t want to sweat before the appointment.)

When I asked about it, he said he didn’t need to talk about anything else with the doctor because radiation was going to take care of it. Actually, radiation will destroy a couple tumors but won’t increase your survival; you need a systemic treatment for that, which is why you were supposed to discuss clinical trails. I don’t remember it that way. Well, both the main oncologist and the radiation oncologist said that, so—

I dropped it and picked up myself. I went on a walk. I realized that it felt like he was the driver of my life right now and he’s drunk. I don’t feel safe. I am so angry. He’s behaving erratically and I don’t want to be stuck in the passenger seat. He won’t give up his keys and I don’t want to have an argument about it. It feels useless because he is drunk and can’t think clearly. I need to get out. That’s my only option. Drive myself.

So, what decisions do I need to make to steer my life in the direction I want it to go?

Basically, I just want to take good care of myself.

The road we are on is long and windy. It’s a closed course so I have to keep going until the end. I need to focus on myself. I need to remember Bolivia and how earlier this year I booked a flight, defied gravity, and created an adventure out of an idea.

But it’s strange.

Imagining a new life, a beautiful life full of so many gorgeous possibilities—

while sleeping next to someone who is coughing and contemplating the loss of his own precious life, the single span he believes in.

This year contains 365 weeks, I swear.

[chaoparty]

i'd been putting off making this post because i've genuinely been anxious & really nervous about it, but things are getting more real as time goes on and i've just gotta bite the bullet >< so guys, we don't normally do this, but.. we really need to ask for some financial help. near the beginning of the year, pawmie (my fiance & business partner) had been experiencing some pretty bad jaw pain.  fast forward a dentist appointment and they found what was thought to be a cyst in their jaw due to how their wisdom tooth was growing in wrong. after multiple doctor visits, they concluded it was a noncancerous, but aggressive tumor. after a lot of fear and anxiety and more specialist visits, we've finally got a surgery (one of possibly more) to remove it. this will require them losing that side of their jaw, and getting metal in its place. they've never had any sort of surgery before, and needless to say we're both pretty scared, but we've got a lot of emotional support from friends and family who're helping us through it, and they mean the world to us!!! (and that includes everyone who supports us here & other places, it really really means a lot!) however, being this is a rather complicated issue, it's coming with a lot of medical costs.. we only recently got pawmie on some form of insurance and while they're covering the surgery itself (I'M ALMOST POSITIVE) , there's been a plethora of things they won't cover that are really imperative for pawmie's health. the biggest reason i've been on such an adopt posting kick is because we're slowly working up funds to take care of all of this. of course it's not our only means but, to put it gently, we're just really in a very tight spot financially for a lot of reasons, but we're doing our best ><. and that brings me to why i'm making this post... i'm doing everything i can right now to at least get us somewhere but to an extent we just can't manage this all on our own.   i truly sincerely hate asking for help in this way, but at this point and i hate to say it, we're a little desperate. ideally, i want to try to raise $5000 to help cover medical costs, transportation, medicine, and groceries that we'll be needing for their recovery. however this is a lot a lot a looot of money and i by no means expect or am asking for large donations, i also want to offer something back be it art or customs. we also have a kofi where as a member you can see when we upload personal art, adopt previews (that you can claim before they get posted here to toyhouse at a cheaper price!), we have plenty of free content for members to download and use like bases for adopts, coding, etc.   i'm also making a direct donation commissions section on our kofi where i'll be offering art/redesigns/customs/etc for certain amounts of donation, https://ko-fi.com/plushpon/commissions

[ragsy]

Hey congrats do the whole list for Kenny

🔫🔫🔫

Oh, pvp enabled, OKAY LET'S GOOOOO

are they associated with a certain color? what color do they wear the most?

not really sure, actually! i've only drawn him a handful of times and only one of those times was colored in, so i haven't quite figured out his color palette yet. desaturated purple comes to mind when i think on it, though

what sort of music would they like? have you thought about what genres or bands do they lean towards? do they have a favorite song?

His music taste is what i can only describe as "my real life father's mp3 player on shuffle" which is. Not anything that anyone on here has any frame of reference for!! But that would include, but isn't limited to: Cat Stevens, Manu Chao, Sheryl Crow, Third Eye Blind, Fatboy Slim, Fleetwood Mac, Traffic, Green Day, David Bowie, Led Zeppelin, Shpongle.

weapon of choice? any particular reason they chose their weapon?

Uuhhhh technically his character sheet lists his weapon as his walking stick, (it only does 1 damage) (he never uses it as a weapon, he has never once in his history on a monster hunting team hit anything with his walking stick)

The rest under here 👇

how crafty/resourceful are they?

Middlingly average, for the most part. He's much better at navigating problems than actually solving them; he'll look towards his team members if something needs fixed.

how do they typically dress? does their wardrobe lean more towards practicality or aesthetics?

Sweaters, slacks, polo shirts, sneakers. Retired guy in american suburbia swag.

how do they wear their hair? do they care a lot how their hair looks?

he keeps it somewhat short, but he doesn't really care how it looks anymore. he's grateful to still have most of it, so he just kinda lets it do what it wants. he also used to have a well-maintained goatee before his time in the Other Place, but since returning to the real world, he's only done the bare minimum of keeping his facial hair mostly trim.

favorite animal? why?

not a huge animal guy, honestly! he finds the presence of birds to be extremely reassuring, though. 

do they have a nickname? who gave it to them? if it's not derived from their real name, what's the story behind it?

i guess kenny is technically a nickname (he always introduces himself as kenneth, and everyone else always decides "oh this man is a kenny actually"), but he's much more of a giver of nicknames than anything else

favorite food? least favorite? are they a picky eater? do they have any dietary restrictions?

always a big fan of fresh baked goods, especially blueberry muffins. he has some challenges with eating these days-- after having spent five years in the Other Place not needing to eat or sleep, stuff tastes weird to him now. He's got a mental list of safe foods, but he tries not to be a bother when other people are cooking, so he'll try his best with what's available to him.

if they wear jewelry, what kind? do they prefer silver or gold? do they have a favorite gem?

gold wedding band :( (deadwife trope)

what do they have in common with you? how are they different? would you get along with them?

i gave him my fear of being forgotten and love for terrible dad jokes, what else could he need?

we're actually more different than alike, i think. he's just lived an extremely different life than me; he's a 65 year old heterosexual retired dentist who has been married and has a daughter who is my age. i am literally none of those things. but i think we would get along really well; he's based heavily on some of my own extended family who i already like fairly well, lol

how long have they been around? do you know their birthday? is their birthday the day you made them or another day? what do they think of celebrating birthdays?

i've had him as a character since... roughly 2020? but he was extremely different in that iteration (a haunting-the-narrative NPC in the motw campaign i ran and have since completed). his current iteration came about earlier this year when i rewrote him from the ground up to be a motw player character. also his birthday is march 17th, 1959 and birthdays are... complicated. if someone tried to throw him a party he would be GRATEFUL, and he would offer to celebrate someone else's birthday with them, but he doesn't know how to think of his own birthday anymore. he spent ages being extremely unmoored from the passage of time, you know? makes it hard

what languages do they speak? how fluently?

fluent in english (his first language), more than a little bit of mandarin (from his grandparents) and spanish (he had some patients who only spoke spanish; he always made an effort to be able to directly communicate with them whenever possible). the latter two are largely forgotten from disuse, though

are they any good with numbers?

he's actually pretty good with numbers, but it doesn't come up very often anymore. he's itching for the day that someone comes to him for help with their taxes

how big or small is their family? who did they live with growing up? do they live with anyone now?

very, very small. he was his parents' only child, he had a language barrier between him and one set of grandparents, and he never knew the other set. his late wife had a big family, who he has since fallen out of contact with (with the exception of his beloved nephew charlie). he has one daughter, who he is trying to reconnect with. he currently lives alone.

do they have any pets? what do they call their pets?

no pets, and he would never ever ever consider franklin the potted plant to be a pet. that's his TRAUMA BONDED BEST FRIEND

how did they spend their summers/free time as a child?

wildly unsafe summer camps of the 1960s/1970s. here you go child, have some lead paint to play with

their opinion on lying, stealing, and killing?

top three things to make kenny disappointed in you

are they quick to anger? what sets them off?

very, very slow to anger. will ALWAYS give someone the benefit of the doubt, but if they really are in the wrong, he will bottle it up for as long as possible. when he finally breaks, it's hysterical and venomous. he generally hates being angry more than he hates the things that *make* him angry

if applicable, can they drive? if they have their own, what color is their vehicle? is the inside neat and tidy, or a mess?

he's got a royal blue toyota prius :]

it's pretty tidy inside, for the most part. gotta make sure there's space for passengers inside, it's not a large vehicle to begin with!!

their favorite place to be?

alice's house, with everyone else there with him

do they sleep well at night?

HA, no, lmao

5 years not needing to sleep will fuck up your sleep schedule once you finally have to again. he wakes up at odd hours, falls asleep at even odder ones, and has crazy weird dreams (which he then has to write down in his dream journal before he can go back to sleep again)

how would you describe their voice? can they sing?

quick and flighty, like he has to get his words out as fast as he can before something stops him. he stammers a lot. he's not a great singer by any means, but he's not immune to singing along to a favorite tune in the car or in the kitchen.

do they have any creative hobbies? (art, writing, music, etc)

he tried out a lot of different hobbies while trying to adjust once his daughter moved out, but none of them stuck. he tries to augment his dream journal with drawings whenever possible, so i guess that counts? 

how good/bad is their hearing? what about their eyesight?

hearing is actually pretty good for his age; eyesight isn't great though. he's been a glasses wearer since the second grade, and it's only gotten worse as he's aged

how do they move? are they clumsy? light on their feet? do they use mobility aids?

he's not quick by any means, but he can get around just fine. he has a chronically bad knee from a car crash earlier in his life that was exacerbated by an injury during an encounter with the lighthouse keeper. he walks with a cane on days when he needs extra support.

if applicable, do they have a favorite sport? do they play any sports or prefer to watch?

he understands the appeal of sports, but was never very athletic and never really got into watching them. he'll still tune into the olympics though, just to see what crazy things they're doing with spheres and gravity in athletics these days

how do they show that they care about someone? how do they express that they don't like someone?

He cares a lot about most people he meets, so it is generally easier to tell when he *doesn't* like someone; his warm, inviting manner turns curt and closed. 

are they associated with any particular element (air, earth, fire, water)?

Air, probably? I've no grounds for this, it just feels right

do they smell like anything notable?

Uuuuuuuuuh i dunno, come give uncle kenny a whiff and tell me what you think

do they like receiving gifts? giving gifts? what is their ideal gift?

He LOVES giving and receiving gifts, he eats that shit up, but if he's the only one receiving and not giving anyone anything he starts to feel really guilty about it. His ideal gift is something small yet thoughtful. He's going to be thinking about the magic walking cane that Charlie gave him forEVER

do they have any habits that aren't particularly self-destructive, just maybe odd?

He carries around a potted plant like his life depends on it, he's removed the doors from every room and cabinet in his apartment, and he hesitates before passing though any sort of entryway

if applicable, how would your other characters describe them? i mean specifically the people around them.

Mark's the only other one who has met him, and he would describe him as "uh. Nice, i guess? He talks too much, and he's kinda weird like he's on a different planet than everyone else, but he seems... harmless."

how would your character describe themselves? it doesn't have to line up with how they really are.

"Who, me? Ah, I'm just some kook who got lost once, haha!"

do they ever return home?

He's tried. That house isn't really home anymore; home feels more like the people he's with nowadays.

[xruiningth3sh0wx]

Look at them. Smiles adorning their beautiful faces. Carefree, overtaken by whimsical passion. Taken into the depths of the joyous daze, drunk with that greatest of intoxicants. Possibly the only kind worth succumbing to. Without it, what is there to live for? What is there to die for? It is the only measure of worth. And they have found much worth in each other.  As a result, they are free. In the absence of caution, freedom takes root. To disregard means to disobey danger itself. Tell me; who is more free than they?

 

The kisses and hugs they share, the pleasure felt in each other’s presences, the reverent glances, the need to be close, the nights shared in bed, it is as truthful as anything else that holds up under the hammer taken to the rest of our world in ruins.

 

Yet, unfortunately, truthfulness and reality are hated. Fantasy and deceit is the order of our day, always.

 

A love more pure, more genuine, more free, unshackled from expectation, base necessity, or the pressures of hateful, irredeemable monoliths. No “why” or “because” needed to be dictated. It just “was”. It just “is”. And as we all know, the more you build atop a “why”, trying to reinforce it, the more ridiculous it seems. Only what’s natural, what’s without explanation, is real. Again, to disregard, is to disobey danger. All odds seemed stacked against them. Why? I wish I knew. Such harmless folks they are, I’ve often found.

 

Then again, most of the villains concocted are less disagreeable than we’d like to think. Satan is powerfully sensual, but what he says has truth woven into it, and you want to sympathize to some degree. Plus, who doesn’t love an underdog, a rebel against a conformist, humorless many?

 

In addition, love is the eternal enemy of the slobbering brute depicted in a centuries-old tome written by Locke and Rousseau’s equally ignorant, wicked counterpart.

 

Love is the desired meal of its fuming mouth, meant to be churned up in the pit that is its gullet of hate.

 

Foul curses are howled at them by sniveling vultures, for a multitude of reasons. “What of the making of children?” And I reply: “we don’t need any more of them; brats are overrated, anyhow”. Another common one: “God commands it not to be so!” Oh, yes, God. The father of an Israeli communist agitator? The Romans were right to stamp out their madhouses and unholy gatherings, and to mount their beloved upon a pair of connected tree trunks. I’m more angry they didn’t go far enough. “It’s not natural!” Hmm, but your mechanistic device you constructed yourselves to oppress and subjugate thy own, is? This miserable beast that loathes all, ends all, in effort to resentfully become all? “I’m unhappy, so why should they be?” Pity your contractual binding failed you, leaving you with heartache and hurt. Nevertheless, that was your choice. I’m not sorry for you, not in the least.

 

Sometimes, they are even punished. Brutalized. Savagely tortured, lynched, beaten, sexually defiled, imprisoned, and everything else you can think of.

 

Beware, fellow travelers along the lonely road of perpetual heresy, of those who feel an urgent need to discipline. Fear them like the English fear dentists.

 

All of this outrage, all of this hullabaloo, a great, grand humbug is made, because they are in possession of the same, er…equipment. They chose one half of the biological pair that make existence possible. It just so happened to be the same half that is the same as themselves. Or maybe, they felt uncomfortable in their skin. Sought a change, wishing to switch to the other side, or perhaps no side at all. Eager to explore the grey, forbidden, strange areas between. That is all. That is their enormous crime. How something so innocuous causes an uproar, I am befuddled. Democracy requires ever-increasing homogeneity, and the complacent majority loves to terrorize and tyrannize against the adventurous minority

 

I say, to these iconoclasts, you have my everlasting support. Even if I cannot feel the same passions you, or your detractors, for that matter do, I salute you nonetheless. Do not be tempted by the sweet words of the masquerading pricks. Never give in. Never lose that fire, the one of revolt. A great revolt. Stand proud, stand erect. Be bold and brash. Cave in? Capitulate? No, never! Carry on, wayward sons, daughters, and everything else in between. And never strive for peace. Wage your war, always.

 

[radicheart-a]

What is my muse afraid of?

In the list below, bold all the fears your muse currently has, italicize all the fears they’ve worked through or grown out of, answer the questions below, and then pass it on by tagging your favorite muns to participate!

COMMON FEARS & PHOBIAS:

The dark l Small spaces l Suffocation l Water l Thunderstorms l Dogs* l Snakes l Spiders l Insects l Clowns l Blood l Dentists l Hospitals l Needles l Germs l Heights l Fire l Insects l Public speaking l Large crowds l Meeting new people l Being alone l Being touched l Failure l Imperfection l Societal rejection l Physical intimacy l Emotional intimacy l Being abandoned l Being forgotten * beagles, to be specific

What other fears do they have? Alastor fears being phased out, being seen as weak, irrelevancy, commitment (especially marriage), and rejection.

Why do they have these fears? Are these fears innate, trauma-based, or generational? Most of his fears are trauma-based, especially the ones about being abandoned/rejected/committed. His father is behind most of that trauma, as well as being the reason he always wears a smile -- "No one likes a sour face." As silly as it sounds (at least in his own mind), the one woman he ever got seriously romantic with is the one responsible for his fear of marriage and intimacy.

Have they ever tried to work through or confront these fears? How did it go? He has not tried to work through or confront his fears...yet.

Original Meme

Tagged by: @e-m-p-error (thank you!!) Tagging: @andy-squirrel-and-friends @arachn0philia, @applcbiittcn @alastors-radioshow @deathmimedream (Remi!) @dementedstatic @femmina-eroe @fizziifrxg @hannah-the-small (Clem!) @helluvahell (Husk!) @infernal-feminae (Charlie, Vaggie and/or Niffty!) @keykeepingbastardtm @ladiesofhell (Daisy!) @lethality-and-lust @malhommesage @mediocremixology @novinare (Alastor and/or Emilie!) @overangeled @raven-hellish-imp @rheddradio @red-hart-radio @shika-the-satyr @spidrboots @the-muse-coven (Morax!) @tenebristhequeen @the-lord-of-letters @the-delightful-temptation @voxiiferous @wrxthfulguard

[gibbearish]

re: your post about vaginismus. idk if that's specifically what i have but i definitely have some sort of pelvic floor disorder going on and i was wondering if it's not just an option to never ever partake in any sort of vaginal penetration ever? everyone always acts like you HAVE to treat it by, you know, putting things in your vagina. but i am just not okay with that even remotely even a little bit ever at all. i would genuinely consider any kind of penetration to be sexual assault and would never ever consent to it, not even for medical purposes.

i tried pelvic floor therapy that involved "external" work like breathing & muscle exercises but it really felt like it wasn't helping and was so unjustifiably expensive that i honestly feel like i got scammed :/

i've even spoken to two separate sex therapists about it and all they did was tell me my feelings were valid but never actually offered any helpful insights or advice, leading me to believe they've never encountered anyone like me before, like i'm maybe the most uniquely messed up person in the world to the point that not even sex therapists—whose whole job (i perhaps falsely believed) is helping people with sexual issues—know what to do with me.

so what is someone like me supposed to do?

so before i say anything else, i do just want to offer a disclaimer that i am not a medical professional and everything i say should be taken with a grain of salt, everything im gonna be saying here is speculation based solely on the things youve said and my own personal experiences. i also want to add my generic "if youre in the united states, do everything through planned parenthood" advisory here, they have excellent service and idk how they vet their references but it's kept me from having bad experiences through them so far, so it seems to be working and i highly recommend going through them for anything sexual health related if you have the ability.

now, with that out of the way, on to some more specific advice. so firstly, no, you do not have to treat it. your body is yours and you choose what happens to it. however, that doesn't automatically make every choice a healthy one. you could choose to never brush your teeth or go to the dentist, and anyone who tried to pin you down and forcefully clean your teeth would in fact be assaulting you, but that wouldn't change the fact that we brush our teeth for a reason yknow? it's your body and your choice, and you are allowed to make unhealthy choices if you want, but you should be able to ackowledge them as what they are. and i understand penetration can be scary and hard, believe me, but there are genuine health reasons for doing so. pap smears are how they check for cervical cancer (i just got one done today!), and even outside of that there are things that can cause major problems if left unchecked. for instance vaginal atrophy can make the walls of the vaginal canal dry out and stick together, and if that happens for an extended time with nothing to separate them, those walls can then fuse to and grow into each other. in severe cases, the vaginal canal can fully seal shut, the worst case i read about was a woman in an old folks home who had atrophy from menopause and no sexual activity, so she only found out when the growing skin sealed her /urethra/ shut.

i'm not telling you these things to scare you, but just to hopefully give you some perspective on why medical professionals are so insistent about it. the purpose of invasive tests like pap smears is to prevent having to do much more invasive work down the line to fix things, like cancer treatments or surgically reopening your pee hole. and that's not to say if you don't try to treat yours, those will 100% happen, my point is that if youre not able to work through this fear, you simply won't be able to take those preventative measures. like i said, its your body and you choose what happens to it, but like. there is a legitimate reason for people wanting treatment for vaginismus beyond just sex, i know some people do come at it from an angle of "rrgh sex is what makes us human you must be able to have sex ragagagahg" which is obviously fucked up, but a lot of it does actually come from a place of genuine concern for your health. also, this is just a sidenote, but the breathing and muscle exercises /do/ help, however if youre unwilling to consent to penetration then they don't really have a way to check if it's working and give you pointers on which exercises would actually help you the most. obv you know your situation better than i do so use your best judgement as to whether other factors point to it being a scam, but as someone who's been through that therapy i can confirm that those steps are a normal part of the therapy for it and aren't useless. it's just that therapists can only really help as much as you let them.

and with that, i want to move on to something else, and i know i said this before but i want to reiterate that everything im about to say is entirely speculation. that being said, im getting the feeling that maybe youre not being entirely truthful with yourself about this. you say that you don't want penetration and would never consent, but youve visited multiple doctors about it and are now reaching out to me for answers too. im not sure if the reply i got on that post to a similar tune around the same time was also you or not, but if it was then you reached out through multiple channels as well. and to me, that says that maybe you /do/ actually want to try treating it, but are being held back by fear. whether that fear is due to the previous bad experiences youve had or something else in your past, i couldnt tell you, but given all of that and esp the "maybe i'm a uniquely messed up person" part, i get the feeling that youre not as ok with having it as youre saying you are, and as id wager you mightve told those sex therapists? like. that to me doesnt sound like the statement of someone who is content with the way their body is functioning. to me, it sounds like you are unhappy with having this disorder but your previous attempts to resolve it have stalled out or gotten you nowhere, so youve convinced yourself you're fine with it rather than risk another failure.

because here's the thing. im very careful when talking about this disorder publically not to say that it makes one broken or that sex is a necessary part of being human. and ive been paying closer attention to how misunderstandings like these happen lately, and ive noticed that you can usually learn a lot from people based on what they get defensive about; "if the shoe fits" is a saying for a reason, after all. so when people read my post simply offering resources to those struggling with treatment and come away from it hearing "you are broken and should fix this," it tells me that that interpretation was likely already in their mind before they started reading, that that was the lense they were already viewing my words through. so when they hit a part that seemingly confirmed it, they got defensive. and again, this is all 100% speculation, i know nothing about you beyond this ask and can't know if this is accurate or not. all I'm saying is like. really take some time to sit with your feelings about this disorder and assess if you genuinely are fine with having it. idk if this was included in the version you saw, but in one of the additions to that post i mentioned that like. for a long time i felt the same about my disorder, i'm transmasc so there was something validating about only being able to do sex like a gay man, of not physically having the vaginal option, but. after a while i realized that was just a bandaid for me, an excuse to be ok with it rather than an explanation. whether i wanted to do it "the girl way" or not, i didn't like not getting the choice.

and that's a theme ive actually seen repeated in the tags of that post a bit, ive gotten comments from quite a few ppl saying "i'm ace so this shouldnt matter to me. And Yet...👀" because. like. its your body!!! you want to feel like you have full control over it!!!! choosing not to have sex or not to allow penetration can feel fundamentally different than basically having it dangled in front of your face your whole life but just out of reach. like, there are a bunch of people out there getting treatment because of this post specifically so that they can be ace but Harder. so like. idk, i think what im trying to say it that like. you dont have to try to make yourself be ok with penetration for any reason if you dont want to. but to me it sounds like having the choice could being you peace. reading your ask back, i notice that you didn't actually say youre ok with having this, just that youre vehemently /not/ ok with penetration, and idk. to me that sounds less like peace with where youre at and more like fear. and i think dealing with that fear might get you much further in accepting this part of yourself if just trying to be ok with it on its own isnt getting you anywhere.

now, all of that aside, if that speculation is wrong and it is just outside pressure giving you conflict, that gets a bit more difficult and idk how helpful my advice here can be. my first thought would be to try reaching out to a regular therapist rather than specifically a sex therapist, that way if your aversion to it turns out to be like trauma related or smth, they could help you deal with it, whether by helping you unwind that aversion or by figuring out why external opinions are influencing your self-image so much. other than that, maybe just. try really driving home that its not the penetration aversion thats giving you problems, but your feelings /about/ the aversion? im not sure how you brought this up to them but therapists can sometimes do this thing where they latch on to one specific idea and ignore what youre actually telling them, so i can imagine them getting easily sidetracked into thinking the conflict was about the penetration itself so when you said you were ok with not doing it, they were like "oh! cool well problem solved then, they just needed validation that theyre allowed to not want sex!:))!!!!!" which. sucks massively that that can happen, but therapists are human too and are not immune to having their own internal biases. either way, unfortunately without knowing more about your specific situation+therapist experiences, i don't think i can offer much specific help? it could have just been issues with those specific therapists, or it could have been like with the breathing+muscle exercises where there was something more going on behind the scenes that you werent aware of, or it could be that your issues with this are entirely unrelated to sex which is why sex therapists werent able to help. i would encourage trying more therapists, but i also very very much understand the mental exhaustion involved with that whole process (currently procrastinating setting up my own therapy appointments because my last three have sucked, so seriously, i /very/ much get it kwbfksbfkd) so i get it if that advice rings hollow. i will say though, ive heard from a friend who's currently in therapy that good therapists will indeed ask follow up questions and actually dig up the part thats bugging you, whether you entirely want to give it up or not, but i don't know if that translates for sex therapists. i should hope so but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ who knows. either way though, them not being able to help does not mean youre uniquely fucked up, it just means that they werent the therapists for you.

the only other idea i really have is to just like. maybe familiarize yourself with signs of cervical cancer? i know very little about it myself so i dont even know if there are other external signs, but id assume yes and that people dont just Randomly Drop Dead One Day. so i would research like. what pains to keep an eye out for, changes in urinary habits, things like that, bc if it were me i think that would probably help me feel better abt the whole situation would be knowing i had a backup for the medical aspect.

this got really long and idk if there's a tldr that could do it justice but i think if i had to condense all of this down i would say that no, you are not broken for having this disorder and you do not have to fix it if you don't want to, but i kinda get the feeling that you maybe do want to? however that is entirely a guess that could easily be wrong, so if it is, then i would reach out to a non-sex therapist, because either way it does sound like these feelings are effecting you negatively quite a bit. you deserve to genuinely feel happy with your body, not to feel like the most uniquely messed up person in the world, and a good therapist can help you get there regardless of where those feelings are coming from.

but yeah, i hope this is helpful in some way and that the speculation was ok, it just. really sounds to me like your feelings on this might be more complex than you're letting yourself feel. and i hope that in the event i am wrong, i offered enough possible alternatives to still be helpful 💕 best of luck

[nickmaghighlights]

Nick Mag Highlights - #114 September 2005

Welcome to another edition of Nick Mag Highlights! Today, we’ll be taking a look at Issue #114 from September, 2005!

Now, I understand you might be slightly surprised we went from Issue #1 to Issue #114, but I say take the whiplash in stride! Variety is the spice of life after all, and this cover exudes variety. We went from a roster of just one measly Nicktoon to a whole overload of shows spilling out from the top of the page!

But of course, front and center we have Drake & Josh, which was entering its third season at the time after facing massive success. Unsurprising too, since it really had everything going for it. Boys wanted to be Drake, girls wanted to be near Drake, and Josh was there to carry the show. How times change… now Drake Bell doesn’t even want to be Drake Bell.

But I digress, let’s dive into Issue #114! You can read it on the Internet Archive here.

Is a franchise really a “thing” if it doesn’t have a fast food toy line? Think about it. 

I remember that online game they’re advertising on the left, I’m pretty sure you never get to see your created ghost stand back-to-back with Danny Phantom himself, pretty disappointing if that was the prize you were after. 

Okay, after looking at some footage, it seems like you never get to see your created ghost even move! Explains why my memories of this game are pretty vapid.

There’s nothing else to incite fear into the heart of a child quite like the phrase “Back to School”. Except for maybe dentist’s appointments, needles, large bugs, and the Easter Bunny.

To tie into this most horrifying occasion, the overarching theme of this issue is stupidity. Let’s keep reading and find out if that was a dumb idea.

At this point Nick Magazine had dropped Ooze News, instead opting to advertise the biggest Nickelodeon headlines (Oooh, Tak 3!) near the beginning, with a special section later on for showcasing any upcoming episodes of their regulars. Stay tuned for that!

I’m not a Barbie expert. Are these based on outfits the doll wore at some point? ‘Cause otherwise these are just regular clothes that say “Barbie” on them.

First speech bubble from Zelda in the blog’s history!

Anyway, did you know Frankie Muniz (Malcolm in The Middle) is a NASCAR driver now? Crazy.

Lovely illustration work from Roger Langridge, who still posts comics on Twitter! Check him out after you’ve finished reading this post, liked it, reblogged, left a comment, followed, and bookmarked my blog.

I know what some of you may be wondering, just what exactly was the hot-ticket item kids were asking for Christmas in a pre-iPhone world? Well, I guess a Firefly might be a possible answer? I don’t recall ever seeing one of these back in the day, and apparently they don’t even make them anymore. 

What this ad conveniently doesn’t tell you is the amount of parental controls stuffed into one of these things, which makes them a fantastic safety tool, but maybe not that cool of a toy. 

Take note, this was back when having ���animations” was a selling point.

Here we can the see the aftermath of Nickelodeon teaming up with Baby Bottle Pop for a bit of cross-promotion, which culminated with the crowning of the first (and probably only) “Baby Bottle Popstar”.

Indeed, kids across America were urged to send in their own rendition of the iconic “Baby Bottle Pop jingle” (which no doubt most of you are humming right now). Those performances were left to the mercy of the online populace, voted upon with the utmost scrutiny. Few died, but many were injured, and a young Alyssa of California was crowned Baby Bottle champion.

So it says in the history books, anyway. If you’d like to see the Baby Bottle ballad that shook the world, I recorded a video of the Nick.com link included in this ad, courtesy of the Internet Archive.

Sorry, got a little intense back there. Anyway this is a fun section! And anything reminding me about Jack Black and School of Rock is a positive in my book. Little odd lumping in The Dukes of Hazzard next to Finding Nemo and Spongebob, but I guess they might have wanted to throw a bone to the preteens in the audience.

Pretty cool full page spread advertisement for a Nicktoon, and for Catscratch no less!

Ah Catscratch, one of Nick’s oft-neglected 2000’s ‘toons, right next to The X’s and Making Fiends. Obviously I’m biased a bit, being a 2000’s kid, but it really sucks these shows fail to even get a passing reference nowadays. Oh well, if My Life as a Teenage Robot can escape Nick’s 2000’s dungeon, maybe there’s hope for the others.

A pretty funny comedy section here, depicting the daily newspaper of the fictional town of Moronia. I’d recommend checking out the full section if you’re not already reading along, it’s pretty funny!

Y’know I really wouldn’t have thought such generic phrases like “Feel Brand New” and “Make it Your Style” would be trademarkable. I would think at most you could get away with holding the rights to “The Lisa Frank Brand is for Every Happy, Cute Girl”. Although since they left that last one open, I bet the trademark is still available if anyone wants to snag it.

Additionally I’d like to give props to this company for being so bold as to have one of their mascot characters thank the Lord himself for their brand’s existence. You hardly see such tenacity nowadays.

Weird short fascination I had as a kid: I really liked the style of these ads that Pop-Tart was running at the time. I’m sure a lot of you remember the commercials in particular. I guess the black-and-white scribbly style just tickled my brain! Weirdest thing was they never actually inspired me to buy Pop-Tarts myself, it was only last year or so I had my first ‘Tart. Suppose that makes me a fake fan.

We’ve made it to The Comic Book, rejoice! 

Initially, I was particularly excited about this being the opportunity to introduce some of the regular comic series featured in this section, since I thought they’d have already started appearing by now, seeing as how we’ve jumped ahead much later into the magazine’s run.

But, uh, no, actually! This issue is completely lacking in strips from any of the notable ongoing comic series from the mag’s lifespan. Not even a Scene But Not Heard, which I guess disproves my memory of each issue having one!

Oh well, we’ll get to them when we get to them, the one-offs were usually just as entertaining. And we do at least have one recurring strip to talk about, Impy & Wormer!

Impy & Wormer was a regularly published strip for this section, created by James Kochalka. The strips were so small, you could find one of them at the bottom of each page of The Comic Book. It’s a pretty cute idea! I often found myself doodling Impy in the margins of my notebooks when the magazine was around. 

Say what you will regarding how Web 2.0 and the modern internet has affected society’s mental health and the overall cultural zeitgeist, but it did lead to this funny one-panel comic :)

Holy moly. Does anyone else remember Postopia? I swear for the last couple years I tried my damned hardest to find out what website it was that I played some weird Flintstones flash games on as a kid. I recently found out that it was indeed Postopia. Man, between this and Pop-Tarts it really seems like I would just buy into whatever weird viral marketing these fast food brands were pumping out as a kid.

I remember these being a fairly common activity in the mag: gag product labels. Cut ‘em out and tape them on to their intended packaging and you’ve got an instant barrel of laughs! Problem is they never seemed to be the right size for the products I tried them on. 

Come to think of it, my parents were really the only ones who got to see them finished, and they didn't really find them that amusing either. Was I really supposed to show my friends some dental floss I had taped a fake label onto?

“Nostalgia” is a term I honestly hate throwing around, what with how common it is, but this page in particular is really inciting some wistful childhood memories. Doesn’t seem like the worst deal in the world either, at least if you’re into membership cards, special edition issues, and stickers.

Sidenote, Step 4 isn’t really a surprise if you tell everyone it’s a Spongebob hat, guys!

Man, these guys hate teachers! I did not know a single kid in school who hated their teachers as much as the Nick Mag writers seemed to. A lot of my teachers were pretty nice, actually.

Yeah, in terms of replacing the Cartoon Calendar section (which we saw an example of in the previous NMH post), this leaves a lot to be desired. Still, I like when the magazine tried to give out fun factoids, it made me feel like my intelligence was being respected. Those puns are Zelda Van Gutters-tier writing though.

Now now, I’m not going to keep going on about Drake Bell. There’s only so many times you can shoot the elephant in the room before you start looking like the weird one. Drake & Josh was such a favorite of mine around the time this magazine came out, and it was really fun getting at least a little insight into what the behind-the-scenes view was like.

Small extra detail I find interesting is that almost every blurb below summarizing the new episodes for each show mentions romance and crushes (baring All That, but that’s a sketch show anyway*). Even the interview brings up that Josh had gotten a new girlfriend in Season 3. Guess Nick was really going all in on the love aspect to keep their preteen audience’s attention in the midst of puberty, which feels kind of manipulative in hindsight? Oh well.

*They were still making All That in 2005?

TurboNick, huh? I… think I remember this? Barely. Looking it up on Google gives me a faint sense of remembrance. Although I don’t remember Pick Boy. Sorry, Pick Boy. 

I guess the idea was you could check out clips from all your favorite Nick shows and eventually be graced with a full-on episode thanks to Pick Boy, and given his name I’m sure voting was involved to decide the full episode that was released. Not the worst idea! I certainly don’t remember Cartoon Network posting full episodes online. They probably didn’t even have their own Pick Boy.

I’m willing to give credit where credit is due. In the last NMH post I accused a lot of kids’ for being very fart-centric. I’m still sure in the Gnarly 90’s that was true, given all the stuff Ren & Stimpy were getting up to on prime-time television. But here in the Techno 2000’s we reference Spock and take Grandma to prom. A much more sophisticated fare.

Man, this must have been so cool for any Sly Cooper fans picking up this book. It’s a triple threat: questions, concept art, and a quick-look at Sly 3! I may not be a fan myself, but I can always appreciate some concept art and creative insight for a largely beloved character and series.

And rounding us off it's... Hey, it’s Bill Trinen! He was a sort of meme for a while, wasn't he? Back when they let him be in Nintendo Directs, anyway. Well, I say meme, but I guess he was more like an oyster stuck on the underside of a much larger meme named Reggie Fils-Aimé.

Yeah, definitely more like an oyster… What were we talking about? Oh yeah, NintenDogs! Never played it. Apparently they poop! Cool, I guess!

Well, well! That wraps up another addition of Nick Mag Highlights! I think getting the 2000's side of the timeline after the first issue was good for giving a bit more context on how the magazine looked and grew throughout its time on the market. I’m excited to see what’s next, and I hope you enjoyed it too. There’s tons more content and memories to read through. 

Also, one last thing. While looking up that one Danny Phantom flash game from the start of the issue I found that there’s apparently a new Danny Phantom graphic novel coming out this Summer? I’m surprised I haven’t heard anything about this! The art looks really pretty. If this seems like your thing, keep an eye on it!

That’s all for now! Until next time, keep reading!

[thewomanwholaughed]

WHAT IS MY MUSE AFRAID OF?

In the list below, bold all the fears your muse currently has, italicize all the fears they've worked through or grown out of, answer the questions below, and then pass it on by tagging your favorite muns to participate!

Why do they have these fears? Are these fears innate, trauma-based, or generational? Joker used to fear being alone. Something one can notice in her self-proclaimed origins is that there's always someone else in her story. A spouse, a child, a close group of friends, a found-family. And all of these either abandon her or are taken from her. Something that is still a fear of her, though it's a lot less visible because Joker does not truly associate or bond with others anymore. Her relationship with her fellow Rogues or even her most trusted helpers is nothing but a means to an end. Because of this, she also learned to cope better with isolation and being by herself. Her fear of societal rejection and physical intimacy stem from negative reactions to her transition, which, again, are like a red threat through her various origins. Which she also got over after her one bad day, giving her boundless yet misplaced confidence.

It's being forgotten that's probably the biggest fear Joker has, and one that is unrelated to her being abandoned because the two are wholly separate in her mind. She doesn't want to be remembered by Batman, or the Rogues. Gotham can forget all about her for all she cares. It's the people who are already gone, the supposed people from her origins that she cared about. If they have forgotten her, then what is she even doing all this for? But that's not a topic she will be open about, ever.

COMMON FEARS & PHOBIAS: the dark l small spaces l suffocation l water l thunderstorms l dogs l snakes l spiders l insects l clowns l blood l dentists l hospitals l needles l germs l heights l fire l insects l public speaking l large crowds l meeting new people l being alone l being touched l failure l imperfection l societal rejection l physical intimacy l emotional intimacy l being abandoned l being forgotten

What other fears do they have? Finding out that the children she (supposedly) had, not being dead and seeking her out for revenge or confronting her for why she left them, why she didn't avenge them yet and other such topics. The Jason experience™, but from the children she mentions in various origins that she raised and loved. And dying before getting her revenge on the main three culprits that ALSO come up in her origin stories. It's not about death, it's about failing to give her life and those of the people she claims to have known and loved, closure.

Have they ever tried to work through or confront these fears? How did it go? No. Short and sweet! Joker doesn't have time to face her own fears and uncertainties. Because that isn't funny at all... And even if she did, it doesn't matter. Joker has plans that no one can even begin imagining. And that's all there is to it. She can be terrified all she wants. She has something to achieve. Being scared won't stop her from it; it will make her a lot more violent and efficient a murderer, though... No more jokes, only murder.

Tagged by @mad-hunts Tagging: @peranarkia, @1mpulsee, @sinfullysweettea, @queen-of-the-mad, @sanguine-salvation and whoever else wants to steal!!!

[chasindtrevelyan]

WHAT IS MY MUSE AFRAID OF?

In the list below, bold all the fears your muse currently has, italicize all the fears they've worked through or grown out of, answer the questions below, and then pass it on by tagging your favorite muns to participate!

COMMON FEARS & PHOBIAS:

The dark l Small spaces l Suffocation l Water l Thunderstorms l Dogs l Snakes l Spiders l Insects l Clowns l Blood l Dentists l Hospitals l Needles l Germs l Heights l Fire l Insects l Public speaking l Large crowds l Meeting new people l Being alone l Being touched l Failure l Imperfection l Societal rejection l Physical intimacy l Emotional intimacy l Being abandoned l Being forgotten

What other fears do they have?

Nate is very afraid of being anything like his father. He looks so much like the man even his own mother can't stand to look at him most of the time, and it scares him. He knows he has a temper, and is prone to picking fights, and he worries for the day when he chooses violence against someone he loves.

Why do they have these fears? Are these fears innate, trauma-based, or generational?

Most of the bolded fears are trauma based. He was abused by someone who was supposed to love him, so now he's basically scared of all things intimate and relationships as a whole. The italicized fears are things he was afraid of as a kid but has grown out of.

The spiders are the only exception. He's just weirdly spooked by them

Have they ever tried to work through or confront these fears? How did it go?

He has not, and generally tends not to unless given a reason to do so. Instead he just kinda...pretends they don't exist until he can't anymore.

[lultimagoccia]

WHAT IS MY MUSE AFRAID OF? / TAG GAME!

In the list below, bold all the fears your muse currently has, italicize all the fears they've worked through or grown out of, answer the questions below, and then pass it on by tagging your favorite muns to participate!

Common Fears and Phobias

The dark l Small spaces l Suffocation l Water l Thunderstorms l Dogs l Snakes l Spiders l Insects l Clowns l Blood l Dentists l Hospitals l Needles l Germs l Heights l Fire l Public speaking l Large crowds l Meeting new people l Being alone l Being touched l Failure l Imperfection l Societal rejection l Physical intimacy l Emotional intimacy l Being abandoned l Being forgotten

What other fears do they have?

peppino struggles with scrupulosity and fears being evil. his dad and grandpa used to say he looked and acted like some bad guy's hired muscle when he was a young man because he was an arrogant foolhardy brute, and it really got to him. he's internally prone to ensuring his actions align to his moral code and behaving as he feels a hero ought to, even if he views himself as a failed hero.

Why do they have these fears? Are these fears innate, trauma-based, or generational?

a mix of all three. one of his innate fears is deep water and pepp's never been a strong swimmer, so he avoids bodies of water bigger than a bathtub as a rule ( swimming in pasta / boxes of old pizzas is a different matter entirely, obviously ). his fairly traumatic tour of service and the death of his twin brother right in front of him left him an absolute mess of neurosis. and i think being raised by a family of famous heroes instilled in him certain fears of straying from the heroic code of honor laid out by his ancestors and of the monsters they've fought for generations. while he tries to judge everyone based on their own merits and how much harm / inconvenience they're actually causing him in the present, he's wary of beings like pizzaface / pizzahead on principle due to his family's history of encounters with beings like the pizzamancer.

Have they ever tried to work through or confront these fears? How did it go?

he's faced them like he faces every problem in his life: head - on, fists swinging. he's had mixed results, obviously; he's still a very volatile and anxiety - prone person, but he's not completely unable to function like he used to be. so. progress!

TAGGING: @pizzadoff if u wanna, for ur pepp?

[shackld]

WHAT IS MY MUSE AFRAID OF? / TAG GAME!

In the list below, bold all the fears your muse currently has, italicize all the fears they've worked through or grown out of, answer the questions below, and then pass it on by tagging your favorite muns to participate!

Common Fears and Phobias

The dark l Small spaces l Suffocation l Water l Thunderstorms l Dogs l Snakes l Spiders l Insects l Clowns l Blood l Dentists l Hospitals l Needles l Germs l Heights l Fire l Public speaking l Large crowds l Meeting new people l Being alone l Being touched l Failure l Imperfection l Societal rejection l Physical intimacy l Emotional intimacy l Being abandoned l Being forgotten

What other fears do they have?

Chief definitely fears losing control of herself / the shackles and being seen as a monster because of them the most. She also fears not doing ENOUGH for her Sinners. Also being restrained but that isn't as intense as the others.

Why do they have these fears? Are these fears innate, trauma-based, or generational?

I feel like all of her fears are either trauma based or innate, not so much generational UNLESS you consider her fear of not being able to do enough in relationship with the past Chiefs of the MBCC then yes!

Starting off easy, her fear of being restrained isn't so heavy but it does connect with her fear of being seen as a monster and hurting people and thus being restricted because of it (aka the past she doesn't remember where this actually happened! Please no more straitjackets she would lose it!) But yeah, she genuinely feels losing control, be it of herself or her powers because both have happened before and it made her feel helpless yeah but also because she hurt Hella and Hecate in the process and everyone else linked through the shackles! NOT TO MENTION 036 WHO SHE KILLED ON ACCIDENT. DAMN.

(Also her fear of intimacy has to do with the fear of growing attached to people and letting them in only for something bad to happen to either of them.... and being touched because of what happened in her coma. Needles??? THEY JUST FREAK HER OUT ALSO VICTORIA WAR FLASHBACKS.)

Have they ever tried to work through or confront these fears? How did it go?

Chief tries to work through her fear of losing control every damn day by trying to understand more about herself and the shackles and learning how to use them but also WHEN to use them! It doesn't always work, but she's trying!! Her fear of emotional intimacy on the other hand not so much, she's pretty distant in terms of romance despite the relationships she may have formed because really,,, how well does anyone really know Chief? Like what she likes, dislikes, you can't even talk to her about her past because she doesn't remember it and that's something she's pretty insecure about! But slowly, she's trying to form her own identity and I think that's pretty brave-

TAGGED BY: @slaughterlocked yOU TAGGING: @serpentsexile / @mortalthysia, @starsummons (yanqing), @sweetlybite @vertraumend @deathfavor (Hanma) @ahogedetective

[runelocked]

WHAT IS MY MUSE AFRAID OF? / TAG GAME!

In the list below, bold all the fears your muse currently has, italicize all the fears they've worked through or grown out of, answer the questions below, and then pass it on by tagging your favorite muns to participate!

Common Fears and Phobias

The dark l Small spaces l Suffocation l Water l Thunderstorms l Dogs l Snakes l Spiders l Insects l Clowns l Blood l Dentists l Hospitals l Needles l Germs l Heights l Fire l Public speaking l Large crowds l Meeting new people l Being alone l Being touched l Failure l Imperfection l Societal rejection l Physical intimacy l Emotional intimacy l Being abandoned l Being forgotten

What other fears do they have?

dying (naturally or otherwise), being wrong (genuinely one of his fears).

Why do they have these fears? Are these fears innate, trauma-based, or generational?

a mix of innate and trauma-based!! his formative years were spent in post-war britain where the world around him struggled to pick itself up. along with just a generally innate fear of death, this was enough to give him a healthy terror of it. when his sister drowned, that fear redoubled. for spiders and insects it comes down to a trauma thing too. his father always forced him to rid the house of them because he knew his son was scared, which, surprisingly enough, did nothing to help actually deal with his fear! but it’s fine because then william has his own kids he can do the exact same to . # healthy family things !

Have they ever tried to work through or confront these fears? How did it go?

Uhm. Uuuuhhmhmmmhmm. Uhm. OK so his attempts to get over his fear of death by killing people to extract the agony left behind from their death to avoid dying counts right.

in seriousness yes!! he has!!! he HATES being held back by himself in any way and in college did his very best, in his efforts to distance himself from the scared kid he’d been, to confront all his fears. some of these efforts were successful — he forced himself to overcome his small spaces fear to get into the Spring-Bonnie suit, and also stopped being scared of the dark (mostly) around the same time. other fears were far less simple and he found it impossible to resolve them to himself. he never really gets over his fear of death: in fact it’s so strong that it’s one of the visceral emotions that power the springtrap suit (since in my canon it’s not really HIM; it’s more ‘remnants’ [hah] of memory and emotion rather than a human being).

TAGGING: @shackld @hazardess @revvnant @bravevolunteer @lncanting @spring-lxcked @khalaesi @trapton & you if you’re reading this and want to join :3

[thenightmarebluntrotation]

Hi, introduction time I guess! I'm not a new split, I've been here for years but I slip in and out of dormancy depending on what's going on in our lives.

My name is Itchy. I split in 2013. I'm aromantic allosexual and I've spent a lot of time hosting at periods where we've been single because that's when I thrive and because I can help our alloromantic parts by taking over if shit hits the fan in their relationships. Our splitting/fronting patterns are heavily influenced by our relationships and our BPD. We have several members who are partial introjects of whoever our favorite person was at the time. I'm kinda the opposite of this, I'm a part who split at a time where so many people wanted to exert control over us in so many different ways so I am built to prioritize myself, my system, my own wants and needs, I do not dim my light to make people comfortable, I love myself in a way that allows me to wanna take care of us and keep us alive; something which the others don't really have. They will eat/sleep/whatever bodily needs they can satisfy without asking for help, but they cannot do things that involve external help, like doctors, dentist, etc. hence why it took three god damn years to ask for professional help with our OSDD and why we're doing it now that I'm back.

So why am I back? Usually I only come back if we go through a breakup, but Dandy and his girlfriend Peach are still going strong (six years in March baybeeee -dandy) so my coming back is unprecedented.

Our theory is that the brain allowed me to come out of dormancy because it no longer needs me to do my original job. It trusts that Peach isn't gonna leave Dandy. At a base level our fear of abandonment is crazy, but for Dandelion it is practically non existent. He has been loved so consistently and so genuinely that part of us has been healed enough that we no longer need to compartmentalize to the same extent. Of course we are not fused, we are not the same person, but we've achieved a level of integration and cooperation and a sense of safety in this area of our life.

I used to get so fuckin angry at myself for 'losing myself' before we knew we were a system. Going in and out of dormancy repeatedly really takes it's toll on your sense of self, especially if you have no idea what is happening or why. I have a stick and poke on my left wrist that says 'hold onto yourself' as if I thought that would prevent it from happening again.

I'm relieved now, that I can forgive myself for not being able to brute force my way past the maladaptive coping mechanisms that have existed since we were little.

So, depressing stuff out of the way; who am I besides what I can do for us? What do I like? Well..

I'm a punk rocker at my core. Punk defines who I am as a person. It fills me with the kind of energy that makes me feel like I could do anything, feels like pure electricity jolting through my body and makes me wanna jump around. I love myself and I love my friends when I have them. I unfortunately lose whatever friends I've made whenever I go dormant and my alters don't keep in touch)

I love piercings, tattoos, neon hair colours, not really a fan of makeup but the occasional smudged eyeliner is fun. I'm transmasc but my real gender is just.. the embodiment of punk rock. I don't like wearing things around my neck, I like to feel unrestricted and they get caught on the studs on my battle vest. If you see one of us wearing a collar it's definitely not me. I like to accessorize elsewhere. Studded wrist cuffs, cool badges, colourful boot laces etc.

I have a really vivid memory of the first time I came out of dormancy, Summer 2016. Our previous host Chilton had been on holiday with his boyfriend's family who are huge fucking cunts. On the last night he argued with douchebag's stepdad about immigration and other stuff, and in the morning he got into an argument with douchebag himself about how they have fundamentally different ideas on how to be a good person (douchebag thinks being a good person means being polite and agreeable, whereas we think being a good person is about standing up for the marginalised even if it means being rude)

This all culminated in Chilton being broken up with and returning his collar from Douchebag which he'd worn almost 24/7 for the past couple of years. Douchebag took the collar, his family all got in the car to head back home, and we stuck around to wait for a bus back to our hometown. The moment the car drove away, I felt so undeniably ME !!!!! me me me me me me fucking finally ME. I had such a rad day. While I was waiting for it to be time to get the bus I spent a few hours exploring, got myself a fancy ice cream, got myself a bottle of artisan toffee vodka from a gift shop, it was awesome.

After that day I slowly started to remember who I was. Started to draw again, started to listen to music again, started to mourn the time I'd lost.

I don't feel that way coming back this time because we are in a nicer situation. I get to see Dandelion happy, in a relationship with someone I've been friends with for a very long time. The time I lose doesn't feel wasted if someone else is having fun with it. Chilton wasn't enjoying it at all, but Dandy is, so I can handle not being in charge.

Anyway hi, if you read this then thank you. I would like to be pals with anyone who wants to, I would like to maybe chat to people with a similar internal age and similar system roles.

I don't have my own blog but I share @high-r1sk-1nsurance with some other members of my system