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aion-rsa · 4 years ago

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None of This Would Be Happening If Frank Zappa Had Been President

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The election is days away. No one knows if there will be an orderly turnover or the disorderly donut hole of malevolent maneuverings. The nation is divided and civil unrest is in the air. This follows a summer which was prophetically and perennially summed up in “Trouble Every Day,” a song from Frank Zappa and the Mothers of Invention’s 1966 debut album Freak Out!

“Wednesday I watched the riot,” Zappa sings on the song he wrote after seeing the Watts Uprising of 1965. “I seen the cops out on the street. Watched ’em throwin’ rocks and stuff, and chokin’ in the heat. … Watched while everybody on his street would take a turn to stomp n’ smash n’ bash n’ crash n’ slash n’ bust n’ burn.”

These and similar scenes were repeated during the global George Floyd protests in 2020, along with charges of accompanying police brutality.

Long before the #BlackLivesMatter movement highlighted white privileged compliance, Zappa sang “I’m not black but there’s a whole lots a times I wish I could say I’m not white.” Even in an era of major victories in the Civil Rights battle, Frank’s voice was progressive, independent, and ahead of the curve.

Zappa consistently ridiculed both sides of the two-party political landscape. He had been approached by the Libertarian Party for a presidential run in 1987, according to a February 1988 interview with Buzz magazine. But after finding much of their platform “either wrong or stupid,” he told them “Well, I’m not your bot. Thanks a lot. Goodbye.” The trailer for director Alex Winter’s upcoming documentary ZAPPA teases a sadly lost opportunity. Frank Zappa tossed his name into a hat for the presidential race in 1991, and told The San Diego Tribune he was considering H. Ross Perot as his vice-presidential pick.

To use the language of the trailer, Zappa’s campaign might have been as “loud, coarse, and strange” as his career, but it would never be “sleazy.” Zappa encouraged voter registration on every album cover since 1971, when the law allowing 18-year-olds to vote was passed. He set up voter registration tables at his 1988 live shows, ultimately registering about 11,000 people. He also shot voter registration ad spots which ran on MTV.

In 1989, Zappa was named Czechoslovakia’s “Special Ambassador to the West on Trade, Culture and Tourism.” Personally chosen by Czech Republic President Vaclav Havel, Zappa took the appointment seriously, and was making inroads in the media as a businessman, rather than a rock star.

“My main qualifications are that I don’t play golf, I don’t take vacations and I do think the U.S. constitution is one hell of a document and that this country would work better if people adhered to it more closely,” we hear Zappa say in archival footage of the film ZAPPA, which comes out Nov. 27.

Zappa told Melody Maker in 1974 “Most of my songs are not political, they are sociological.” But in the years leading up to his proposed run, Zappa strongly voiced his belief that fundamentalist Christians had too much political power, televangelism bought too much influence, and church and state came together to maintain control over a mindless population. Zappa was 50 when it came out that he was exploring the feasibility of an independent, non-partisan bid for the presidency. The incumbent George H.W. Bush had more balloons but unsolicited campaign contributions began trickling into Zappa’s Barking Pumpkin offices after word got out.

“The idea is that this is a zero-balloon campaign,” Zappa told Bob Guccione Jr. in a July 1991 interview with Spin magazine “You want balloons then blow your own balloons. And the goal is to run the cheapest campaign in political history. I can sit at home and do talk shows all over the country on radio and answer questions directly to people who might want to vote. And it would cost what? Nothing. I don’t believe that you really have to spend $50 million or apply for matching funds from the federal government and then be forced to abide by all those rules in order to do it. Because if you’re a nonpartisan candidate then what the fuck?”

Zappa would go on to mention former Harvard University professor and constitutional law expert Alan Dershowitz as his pick for attorney general. The platform centered on “getting the government out of people’s faces.” He proposed eliminating federal income tax because it was established as “an emergency tax and was supposed to have an end to it.” He said the job was better done by raising sales taxes on non-essentials. “If you gotta pay a tax, pay a tax when you buy something, not because you worked,” he reasoned.

Zappa told Spin he would “exempt necessary foodstuffs, because that’s where the poor get hurt. And I don’t think that many Colombian drug dealers are buying that many cartons of milk and eggs and stuff. And so you’re not really going to cripple the nation’s economy by exempting that sort of thing.” Zappa also planned to redefine the military so it was used for “protecting the country, not bad foreign policy.”

Zappa said he would put his music career on hiatus during the campaign. The guitarist-composer said he was “a reluctant candidate” who was “volunteering” to run, and not just to make a statement. “If I did run I would do a real run,” Zappa told Spin. “The problems about doing it are that in order to do a credible run you have to be on the ballot in every state. That’s about a million dollars in legal fees and organization and bullshit just to get on the ballot. That’s before you even buy an ad.”

Based on the interview, local news stations prematurely identified him as a presidential candidate, but TV stations conducted their own polls and found a Zappa run would have been feasible. Zappa cited a C-Span TV symposium moderated by Leslie Stahl as the inspiration for his presidential aspirations. Zappa got a resume from a GOP policy writer looking for a paid position, though Zappa said it would be better to hear that people resigned from the party they belong to because neither of the two major parties “delivered the goods in tangible ways.”

The self-taught rock and orchestral composer even spoke with Raymond Strother about a run until the veteran Democratic consultant started working as a publicist for future vice president and presidential candidate Albert Gore. Zappa had already come up against another Gore, Al’s wife Tipper, when he testified against the Parents Music Resource Center in 1985 in Washington, D.C. The Washington wives’ group was intent on censoring rock music, ultimately leading to the warning labels on albums which we still see today.

Zappa mimicked Treasury Secretary James Baker’s wife Susan’s Southern accent at the hearings. As Secretary of State under President Reagan, ZAPPA tells how the vindictive Baker had a low-level U.S. State Department representative tell the Czech Republic they can get American aid or do business with Frank Zappa.

While Zappa never officially contacted Perot, he might have given the late Texas billionaire the idea to run as an independent candidate in 1992. Perot pulled in 19 percent of the popular vote. Republicans blamed him for putting Bill Clinton in the White House. He ran again in 1996.

But Zappa’s decades old message resonates more frighteningly now. “Let me point out something about democracy,” he told Spin. “Does anybody remember how Hitler took over Germany? He was voted in. People said, yeah, he’s got the right message for us. Now when you have a democracy, there’s always the possibility that the guy who could turn out to be the biggest menace to the planet could just get voted in. And the place where it’s most likely to happen is here, because of the media saturation, the illiteracy rate of the population, the social desperation of the population. Hitler came to power because things weren’t so good.”

Zappa, who was diagnosed with prostate cancer in 1990 and died in late 1993 at the age of 52, ultimately decided none of the mitigating factors were “enough to convince me to go through the bullshit of a campaign,” and never got on the ballot. His family did release Frank Zappa for President in July 2016. While it would have been the first time the country was ruled by a posthumous leader, it was a good idea then, and a good idea now.

cnx.cmd.push(function() { cnx({ playerId: "106e33c0-3911-473c-b599-b1426db57530", }).render("0270c398a82f44f49c23c16122516796"); });

Magnolia Pictures’ ZAPPA release date is Nov. 27.

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tales-from-exo-planet · 7 years ago

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COLORADO || PATHCODES VOL. II

COLORADO || PATHCODES VOL. II

ACT I. Length - 7,901 Mood - Somber Pairing - Kyungsoo x Reader “The more I step forward, the deeper it becomes I’m enticed and I’ve lost myself I’m falling in endlessly” - “Kingdom Come” by Red Velvet- ———————————————————————-

-the first weekend of September “I can't tell you all how much we appreciate you all for joining us for our second annual farm to table harvest festival. Please continue to enjoy your evening. Let's welcome back to the stage, Park Chanyeol,” your voice soared over the din of conversation, laughter, and clinking of silverware in the communal atmosphere as you came to the close of your opening remarks for the second half of the evening.

With your short statement now complete, you nodded to Chanyeol who was seated, and patiently looking on at the center of the stage overlooking the vast orchard where the fall farm to table harvest festival so called Return to Terra festival was being held. Chanyeol looked over the crowd, as though he were a minstrel surveying the scene to determine what piece would best suit it's tastes and fancies.

For each weekend the Terra Festival, you'd organized a rotation of local farmers within whose orchards you arranged round white banquet dining tables for consumers and festival spectators to gather facing an open platform stage. Flanked amongst the trees and gardens of which yielded the sought after high quality produce of the current season, were broad marquees shielding chefs, illustrators, and other cooperating artisans and their equipment from the elements. Each evening of the Terra festival opened with consumers being greeted by the host farmer and their family and invited to pick their produce. Upon selecting their desired fruit or vegetable, they were escorted to the chef's tent where a list of entrees, and desserts were displayed for consumers to choose from. While they waited for their meal to be prepared, they were encouraged to watch the preparation, to participate in its preparation during a master class, or to peruse the marquees within the orchard venue. When their meal was completed, a banquet table awaited them to enjoy their meal fully while accompanied by a live performance.

Chanyeol sat up a little straighter at the sound of his name being called, somehow lengthening his frame just from his waist to appear even taller than he already was. With his Taylor acoustic on his lap, and guitar pic clamped between his canines, he gave you a nonchalant smile, the corner of his mouth raised only slightly. From what you observed he was in his element and had been for the past couple weeks of festival celebrations he'd performed for here in Colorado Springs.

The crowd greeted Chanyeol eagerly, whooping and whistling in pleasure at the mention of his return. He gave an even bigger grin to the audience, standing to acknowledge them and to thank them for their support before taking his seat upon the rosewood stool in leather onyx jeans, and a plain black tee. A darkwash oversized denim jacket adorned his shoulders, the sleeves rolled up to frame his elbows revealing tattoos lining his forearms; the collar of his jacket creased neatly beneath his ears. The floppy brimmed hat he'd worn initially during his first performance of the evening rested on his seat at the table, but his round wire burgundy wine glasses remained on, balancing the brilliant chocolate and sable of his eyes. And with his pic now transferred to the fleshy slit between his pointer and middle fingers, Chanyeol adjusted the mic with his large capable hand to meet his lips.

“Good evening, and welcome back to the second half. As _________ stated, it is an honor to be here with you all again tonight. Colorado Springs you've been so so kind. Let's also give our host of this wholesome event to _________ and the host family without whose vision this event would not be possible to manifest.” Chanyeol paused, directing his attention where you stood on the open platform. “Thank you once again to all the local farms who have opened their homes to us and local restaurants who have collaborated with these local farmers to feature the most incredible menu I have seen in quite some time. It is through collective community partnerships like these that we have opportunities for growth and expansion within our local, nationwide and global community. Because of what we’ve started here, our vision is catching like wildfire all across the world. Thank you for investing in the Pathcodes. We hope to be able to continue to serve our community for all the years to come. Once again let's thank our host and host family,” Chanyeol called out rousing the crowd to erupt in thunderous applause in you and your family’s honor as you turned to acknowledge your patrons.

A chorus of barks and cheers welcomed you as you returned to your dining table at the center of the host orchard. “Chanyeol is killing it tonight,” ________ (Lyon reader) whispered to you as you sat beside her. “Yes! He's been on fire lately, And we are killing it tonight too. Look at this place! I can't deny that I was worried about the setup for this event but as always ________ (Lyon reader) you've outdone yourself. I hope next week’s harvest festival will be just as successful,” you spoke to her quietly as her baby girl started to gurgle in delight as she reached once again for 먹물 and 후추. The small inky black and pepper gray puppies were seated on the wood of the raised platform between you and _______ (Lyon reader) who held her daughter Yun Hee in her lap.

________(Lyon reader) blushed slightly at the praise, a gesture that baffled you especially at her level of consistently acclaimed success.

“It was certainly a team effort,” she said, smiling gratefully.

As you reminded the crowd just a moment ago, the Terra festival was in its second year of festivities having started the first year being hosted at your young family farm you began and unveiled with your husband Kyungsoo. Your farm was open to the general public on weekdays, weekends and most holidays. On your location you had a small bakery and cafe that created a simple menu from the ingredients found in your garden. For all those interested you hosted nutrition and cooking classes for school age children, new parents and as part of rehabilitation services for those recovering from eating disorders. You partnered with local therapeutic offices to host specialized and purposeful therapeutic interventions to achieve a wide range of outcomes in order to consistently demonstrate to the local and federal government just as much as the general public that the change you and Kyungsoo hoped to inspire with your extension of the Pathcodes was sustainable and holistic.

That rationale, fed to you by _______ (New Almaty Reader) after she detailed viable markets for you and Kyungsoo to explore based on your current occupations. During your most recent planning meeting during concurrent holidays, _______ (New Almaty Reader) was introduced to the Pathcodes board and like her former classmate _______(Berlin Reader) as it was explained in her introduction, she wasted no time in setting up personal debriefs and interviews with each Pathcodes board member to discuss market needs and opportunities.

Per her advice you also sponsored seminars that featured environmentalists and innovators in humanitarian efforts focused on solving the world hunger crisis from local colleges, and universities. During that long holiday weekend hosted in Almaty at Jongdae’s new home, you and Kyungsoo sat for many interviews to discuss how the framework you created could be transferred and applied to fit the socioeconomic needs of communities across the world. “Minseok has big plans for this business. Everything has to be ironed out,” ______ (New Almaty Reader) had explained as she invited you into the studio office Jongdae had prepared for individual interviews.

It was your desire that if there was genuine interest from other companies that Kyungsoo or a member of your Pathcodes team would travel to the destination and host the very first festival in the earliest part of the harvest season and once trained, the designated community leader would continue the festival until the end of the late harvest season.

To garner even more public interest you also suggested an arts and illustration exhibit at the very first festival last year and featured young artists from the community as well as providing classes, and seminars for all interested. “Art, a hearty meal, great music and good company...that's our contribution to the Pathcodes,” Kyungsoo had declared while sampling some of the refreshments prepared by the caterers Jongdae hired for the holiday.

“And great stories Kyungsoo. Not just illustrations darling but film to inspire intellectual conversation,” you reminded your beloved husband and he blushed at the mention of including one of his sincere lifelong passions. Something his brothers latched onto immediately.

“Kyungsoo, darling,” Baekhyun sang under his breath.

Minseok guffawed at the way Baekhyun sighed in similar demure heartfelt sentiment as Kyungsoo who was beginning to fan himself while looking on at the notes from your most recent interview rapidly as if he could shoo their eyes away.

“Darling, darling,” you heard Jongdae echo from the hall as he returned with the next batch of pamphlets signaling a shift down the itinerary of the day’s events. Kyungsoo laughed throatily, his eyes closed as if he was realizing all too late that he should have warned you about terms of endearment.

“Ahem, remember. The purpose of the Pathcodes is to establish a boundless market. While you are the original seed, the Pathcodes are meant to survive us. No, not survive. Surpass us. It will immortalize us. Our collective dreams will be embedded within the code of this framework, and all those who share that dream are naturally gifted the ability to access the Pathcodes. Its goals will be protected as long as our vision remains pure...it’s a lot of lofty language I know...but it will make sense in time. Let’s get started with our second segment, shall we?” ________ (New Almaty Reader) proposed, as she tidied the stack of pamphlets before passing them down the table.

And so this year, Kyungsoo traveled back home to South Korea with his father, and brother not only for Chuseok but also to begin the next level of the Pathcodes. He would replicate the model created here at your home in Colorado Springs and his father would host the cooking classes at their ancestral family farm and his brother with the help of the rest of your Pathcodes team would assist in the premier in tandem with film festivals like the Daegu Independent Short Film Festival in August, the EBS International Documentary Festival in August, and the many film festivals occurring throughout the harvest season.

The timing of the premiere worked out brilliantly for Kyungsoo who was also featuring in at least two of the films entered for some festivals. That news alone brought quite a lot of intrigue to the Terra festival and did ______ (Marseille reader) a huge favor in marketing the event. Regardless the event required almost all hands on deck meaning that your assistance back home in Colorado Springs was without the rank and file of the main “department heads” of the Pathcodes. Baekhyun and Jongdae were also there in support to provide live music as Chanyeol was also doing here. Minseok, Sehun, Jongin, Suho, and eventually Chanyeol also would be returning home for Chuseok festivities and to support Kyungsoo. Yixing and Tao were also currently there in support of Kyungsoo and would return to their hometowns for mid-Autumn festivals. The lure of prints of your illustrations only served to bolster the diversity of your audience here in Colorado Springs. While people of all ages were familiar with your work, there was a significant group of teenagers who were hoping to get your signature on their latest copy of the graphic novel you just illustrated. Most of your audience were young families, their children toddling along with small baskets adorned with an array of hued ribbons, the handle of their baskets just wide enough to fit their chubby palms, their baskets containing one or two fruits or vegetables in that were in harvest, that rolled from one side of their basket to the other as they loosely swung their arms.

Seeing all of the children holding their baskets reminded you of one of your favorite farm to table harvest festival and art exhibits in the month of October where unlike the August, September or November harvest day festivals was themed. Everyone came dressed in costume that ranged from endearing to comical to spooky to ingenious.

For today’s festival in the early days of September, everyone was dressed uneventfully casual. You wore your hair in loose waves whose tips graced the top of your shoulders. To keep yourself warm, you wore an autumn squash corduroy dress underneath a pale pink pin striped oversized coat, and at your feet were your cashmere velvet ankle boots.

________(Lyon reader) and her daughter were casual chic as per their usual. They were an adorable matching pair in their baby blue and powder white striped Supreme overalls, with a soft cushy white hooded sweatshirt, their feet adorned with matching powder white Nikes.

_________(Lyon reader) had been fussing over her daughter from the time you picked her up at the airport until just a moment ago.

Because Yun Hee was born here in the States and seen by specialists stateside instead of home in Lyon as her mother and father had hoped, _________(Lyon reader) was much more inclined to bring her daughter once every six months during the Fall and once just before her birthday to do regular checkups in addition to check ups done by her standard pediatrician back home in Lyon. It seemed like an extensive process and perhaps a little overboard but you understood her desire to have a second opinion especially with the overall health and developmental concerns both her parents had for her.

For all of her setbacks though Yun Hee was full of life and spirit.

You chuckled to yourself now as you listened to her mother chiding her once again.

The tone she took reminded you of her admonishing her fiancé.

Like father, like daughter.

“Yun Hee! I’m so sorry _______” she apologized again to you as if there were people watching you and waiting for you to be silent.

But she couldn't be more wrong.

In the orchard where you were, in the main dining area, there were people milling all around talking to one another and minding their own children. People were enjoying their meals meticulously crafted by the chefs and many more were tuned into Chanyeol up on stage. The air itself was buzzing and brimming with life.

But she apologized again and again for her daughter’s excited squeals as she reached to touch the fairy lights wrapped around the lanterns which served as centerpieces on each table.

You shook your head at her, smiling encouragingly as you patted her arm. “She's doing just fine ________ (Lyon reader),” you said to her alone in a tone meant just for her.

She still sighed and held her daughter closer as if to protect her from eyes that still wouldn't understand.

You patted her hands which held her baby girl to her chest, turning once to gently pat the heads of your 먹물 and 후추 to quiet them both down so you could all listen to Chanyeol’s rendition of “Magic.”

“Call it magic Cut me into two And with all your magic I disappear from view And I can't get over Can't get over you Still I call it magic You're such a precious jewel”

You swore that you heard someone sigh aloud and you couldn't help but laugh quietly to yourself.

Maybe even a chorus of sighs.

A sudden chuckle beside you had you laughing even harder when you realized that it was ______ (Lyon reader) that was laughing. You had both anticipated those reactions after you confided in her about the frenzied phone calls. Like yourself, Chanyeol had his own fan base of admirers that joined the harvest festivities when it was announced that he was once again part of the live entertainment line up.

While the festival was a public event, you'd had quite a few people ask if there was an opportunity to meet the live performers because they were willing to pay. They even attempted to offer you exorbitant unsolicited amounts when calling your office line.

You hadn't mentioned it to _____ (New Almaty Reader) yet for fear that she would not only approve but demand that a high-touch meeting was made part of the festivities.

It gave you anxiety just thinking about it.

Chanyeol descended the stairs after announcing the next act; a contemporary jazz group newly signed to his blossoming label Metamorphosis Records.

Before coming to sit beside you all, Chanyeol stood to the side of the stage to watch over his progenies turning to look at the crowd and back at the young men and women on stage who were assembling their instruments with the aid of light footed stage hands before beginning their own soulful rendition of Jamie Cullum’s “Pure Imagination”. From the look on his face you knew that he was measuring the effectiveness of the amplification you had put in place and pulled up and put down and pulled up and put down at his request until it was just right during rehearsal. It was their debut after all and Chanyeol wanted to make absolutely sure that their debut in the public arena went without a mishap. You noticed his satisfied grin at the hush that fell over the crowd, the only sounds to be heard were the smallest clinks of silverware as people settled in at their tables and tuned in fully to the troupe before them. Even the chefs in the tent just to the side who were still cooking and attending to those waiting in line to order quieted each other in the kitchen so they could hear.

“Great set! Way to open the second act!” ________ (Lyon reader) cheered as Chanyeol came within earshot and joined you all. He beamed in his jolly giant way at your sincere applause and praise, bowing in his characteristic genuinity, his mop of dark brown curled hair flopping forward as he dipped his head. 먹물 and 후추 broke from their places beside you and clamored around him, barking excitedly in greeting.

“I’m back! Just like I promised,” he called to them bending to pet them before Yun Hee who had been quietly playing with her Mother’s spoon dropped the spoon with a clatter on the table and started squealing for Chanyeol, her plump but tiny hands and fingers, grabbing at the air.

“I’m back Yun Hee! What did you think? Did you like the songs?” Chanyeol cooed to her reaching over the puppies for her as her mother offered her up to Chanyeol. You always noticed how Chanyeol opened his hands to hold her, spreading his fingers as wide as they could stretch perhaps to prevent her from slipping out of his grasp and to be absolutely sure that he held all of her. You were all careful with Yun Hee when you held her but especially when _____(Lyon reader) was watching just meters away with unease.

Yun Hee kicked at the air, pumping her legs as if to propel herself forward into Chanyeol’s arms making all of you laugh; her little French braids bounced around, the ribbons threaded through her hair and curled at the end bobbing up and down like streamers in the wind.

_________ (Lyon reader) exhaled.

“She does this with Daddy as well. He's always encouraging her to fly to him when he's coming to get her. ‘Fly Yun Hee! Fly my little bird! Fly to Appa!’ He has so many nicknames for her.”

You wondered if she was thinking what Baekhyun would make of this moment, and if he would be jealous for his daughter’s affection or if he would be happy to see Yun Hee so spirited after coming into the world the way that she did. But when you looked at _________ (Lyon reader) her smile almost began to resemble a wince as she watched an overjoyed Chanyeol tickling an equally blissful, giggly Yun Hee.

Was she looking at how tiny she was though to ______’s (Lyon reader) credit and Baekhyun’s feedings she had gained some weight? Especially in Chanyeol’s arms though even your husband looked smaller when he hugged Chanyeol, and.her fiancé Baekhyun too.

Yun Hee thankfully no longer needed her portable oxygen tank but her mother’s worries still seemed endless nonetheless.

But if Chanyeol noticed, he didn't show you nor Yun Hee. After placing his hat on his head once again, he sat down with Yun Hee standing on his thighs with her hands in his for support. She kept swaying side to side in time with the music and would to look in awe at Chanyeol as he sang along.

With Yun Hee holding on to the back of his wrist and watch, Chanyeol clapped and cheered for his group along with the audience at the close of their piece and quieted down when they began the next song.

“We could walk around a little...see what's going on? I thought I volunteered for face painting with Yun Hee?” Chanyeol grinned as he held Yun Hee closer to his chest, whose eyes were opened wide in delight as she looked at him. She seemed to be searching for something and you almost burst out laughing at the expression on her face when she found what she was looking for. She was softly patting her way all over his face and neck, exploring her beloved Uncle who was making silly faces at her. She giggled and tried to make the faces too. She touched her own ears when she saw Chanyeol wiggling his. She tried with all her might to wiggle her own and pouted when she couldn’t. Chanyeol laughed at her expense and wiggled them again until Yun Hee leaned forward and pulled at Chanyeol’s ears to operate them on her own.

He tried his best to keep a straight face as he stood before you both in the orchard dining area but the constant flicking of his ear lobes had him blushing and giggling.

“Ya Yun Hee please,” Chanyeol whined good naturedly through tearful laughter. “All right Yun Hee! All right sweet baby. Let’s give Uncle Chanyeol a break please,” her mother said to her in that tone and when she reached for Yun Hee, she pouted shaking her head no.

With Yun Hee distracted from pestering his overly sensitive ears, Chanyeol wa able to compose himself once again. He shrugged as he addressed ______(Lyon reader) “I don’t mind carrying her there.” “Well let’s go then. It’d be good to take a walk now,” you said as you stood slowly and ____(Lyon reader) joined you, each of you taking a leash for 먹물 and 후추.

You all chatted quietly as you moved along, stopping to acknowledge the different vendors and looking in on the lecturers in their own tents.

“What do you think ____? Will this really catch on and spread worldwide and be what you hope?” Chanyeol asked, bouncing Yun Hee in his arms gently as he walked at a glacial pace between you and ________(Lyon reader.)

“From the response we have gotten so far I think it has potential. The articles _______(Marseille reader) has done on our events so far have helped immensely and ______(Lyon reader) connections and creativity in design and organization. So far the Pathcodes have seen success...we’ll just have to wait and see what the future holds,” you said quietly ceasing to speak as you finally made your way to the face painting station.

_______(Lyon reader) dropped back to film the short journey on her phone. You could hear her commentary here and there and realized that she was describing the scene for when Baekhyun would be potentially watching this video later. “There she goes our little bird. In the arms of her giant Uncle. She loves it when he carries her,” she whispered to Baekhyun confidentially.

“What should we get?!” Chanyeol asked little Yun Hee who gurgled her response happily pointing at a bird.

The face paint artist finished up just as you all arrived with a little boy who wanted a lion face. He got up just as soon as she showed him the mirror and roared in his best menacing attempt, his whiskers lengthening as he opened his mouth wide.

But you three adults couldn’t help giggling at the mischievious lion with two missing front teeth.

Chanyeol had the nerve to feign fear of the tiny lion, exclaiming in a tone of true worry to Yun Hee. “Oh no! Yun Hee what’ll we do?! It’s a lion!”

The boy, obviously proud of this response, laughed at Chanyeol’s quaking knees making Yun Hee clap her hands and laugh too.

You turned to see ______(Lyon reader) still filming the entire event.

The face paint artist cleaned up her brushes and set up her paints, watching the whole spectacle until the little boy turned away to find his older brother who’d been made up into an alligator waiting on him.

Done with her cleaning, the face paint artist approached you all where you waited and asked, “what’ll it be!?” and Yun Hee didn’t miss a beat.

As she always did, she babbled as quick as she could with open mouth aahs, her eyebrows raising and furrowing in clearly expressive intent as she pointed to the bird.

At the end of her little speech she looked at Chanyeol who nodded and immediately translated that she wanted a bird with a crown of flowers and that he did too.

The face paint artist giggled as she listened to Chanyeol and looked up at you both.

“Well isn’t this the cutest fa-“ But Chanyeol interrupted her.

“I’m her Uncle,” he stated though he was still grinning proudly as if the honor of being an Uncle was just as important as being a Father.

“Ah well, still. You’re wonderful with her,” she smiled gesturing for Chanyeol to bring Yun Hee up to the chair.

“Princess first!” Chanyeol said directing the artist to begin with Yun Hee whose hands he held between his thumb and forefinger to prevent her from grabbing the makeup brushes. But he couldn’t stop Yun Hee from wiggling and giggling each time a brush came close to her.

It occurred to you and her mother who was filming and laughing at her daughter’s reactions that Yun Hee wanted to see the process herself. Her eyes followed the makeup brushes everywhere they went. Each time the face paint artist brought up a new brush with its bristles dipped in a new vibrant color, she would squeal with delight and move her little face so she could look at the color up close.

“It’s going to be awhile Chanyeol,” _______(Lyon reader) warned him but Chanyeol just shrugged again. ————————————————————-

The following morning after breakfast at your place where you hosted Chanyeol and ________(Lyon reader) you drove Chanyeol to the airport.

You saw him off at the entrance of the airport where a clamoring group of reporters and young girls and guys were waiting to catch a glimpse of him.

Back into the fray.

He hugged you both and whispered goodbyes to a still sleeping Yun Hee dozing in her car seat saying “I’ll see you three again soon. Be safe ok? Be well.”

And then he was off, through the VIP security entrance where guards had been called to wait for him.

And then you were off to the hospital.

——————————————————————

“All done little one,” the physician said as Yun Hee hiccuped and sputtered into another cry following her shot.

________(Lyon reader) was trying to soothe her so that she could hear what the physician’s orders were. But she wouldn't quiet.

So you offered to hold Yun Hee.

Yun Hee went to you and sighed, turning into your chest and clutching at your blouse, murmuring in protest of getting another shot.

You rubbed her small back and rocked her from side to side on your knees until she calmed and you could hear _______(Lyon reader) and the physician talking about her progress.

—————————————————————— But when it was time for your appointment you were too afraid to go.

You’d been feeling woozy and overwhelmed about the days leading up to this appointment.

Ever since the first, and second time.

And while it was keeping busy that kept your sadness away, it was also keeping busy that brought you pain and sadness.

When you first discovered that you were pregnant, you waited a month to tell Kyungsoo and the night before you told him….

And so you never told him.

But the second time you were pregnant you told him immediately and yet you still…

It was embarrassing.

It hurt.

It hurt to lose the babies.

It hurt to tell Kyungsoo over and over again that you couldn’t.

Here you were trying to instill your vision of a holistic, purposeful life in your community and world and yet…

You almost felt hypocritical to be going through health issues of your own. But you knew that you were just beating yourself up.

You didn’t know what to do or who to talk to.

Not to your Mother in Law.

Not ______(Lyon reader)

Not your agent.

Not Kyungsoo.

The list of people to truly confess your worries to was so short…

You couldn’t even look at you in the mirror.

But who else could you talk to except you?

You found yourself talking to your body, willing yourself to be stronger so you could hold your babies.

But you were ashamed of what was inward when reminders of what you wanted surrounded you.

During the third pregnancy you began painting a mural in a room you hoped would have been for the baby but…

And Kyungsoo was miserable for you but you couldn’t bear him worrying over you when you both didn’t have time for that.

You had a studio at the farm where you worked most days and nights now in addition to managing the daily duties of the farm with Kyungsoo.

Eventually even just talking with him about the needs of the farm and the festivals became unbearable. There was always the ghost of the conversation you still couldn’t have lingering around the edges of his words and his looks. At home you avoided his eyes and his touch. And you locked the attic library. He put the wine glasses deep into the kitchen cupboard and began giving the wine away as gifts to his brothers when they came to visit to discuss the Pathcodes. You knew when he would be traveling again when you saw not just his suitcase but also a wine glass gift box on the counter. And so you began throwing all of your energy into your extension of the Pathcodes, organizing everything on your own for the first festival. And by the time the event was over you couldn’t feel your feet beneath you but you drove Kyungsoo to the airport where he was flying out to meet with Yixing who would be replicating the harvest festival event in a couple years time and drove yourself home and crawled to the living room couch to sleep. As you drifted further from Kyungsoo, you clos tyour mother. At first you called her once a month but then once a week, and then once a day for an hour. And though you never told her about what was happening, you knew that she knew. Without acknowledging or hinting to anything at all, she asked one day if you wanted to take a trip to the stables you’d gone to as a child. And so began your summer getaways between the autumn and spring harvests with your Mother for a weekend following your regular appointments with your OB/GYN and your psychologist. You would spend your days at the stables and your nights where you couldn’t sleep you would dream on paper the children… And you went on like that for a year until your birthday earlier this year. You and Kyungsoo has always celebrated each year together as both of your birthdays opened up the new year. And though you were unable to look him in the eye and touch him the way you always had, that didn’t mean that you couldn’t celebrate his birthday. He had been gone to see Yixing after the end of your first four month harvest festival last Fall and returned just before the New Year. You planned a small celebration with your in Laws and invited your parents to attend the small dinner. After his brother picked him up from the airport, he brought him to the farm where you decorated the barn to welcome him and erupted in singing the moment they pushed the barn doors open. You could tell that he was crying but he composed himself and thanked you all for the surprise. He was in shock to see your parents there as were your in-laws when you first told them about your plans for the dinner. But you’d spoken to your parents about getting over the issues you had as a family and that it would help you especially now to have their support. And so they came with sincere birthday congratulations for you and Kyungsoo both. Having everyone around you buffered you from talking about what was still left unsaid and in its own way made the night a little easier. And when you finally made it home, alone once again together, Kyungsoo spoke to you. Hearing his voice again after so long a period of quiet reflection had you in tears at its deliberate tenderness and quiet strength. “I won’t ask much of you yeobo. I know it’s been hard on you and I’m so sorry. But I need you and I need us and I need things between us to be ok. You have to promise me that you will go to a psychologist. You have to promise me that ok?” He said without touching you or even being close to you. You were sitting in your home studio and he had the door open but he waited in the hall. You wiped your tears as you agreed to his request, “I will go.” And when you reached the point where you’d been going on your own without his reminders or having him transport you there, you came home from an appointment one day to find two toy poodle puppies, one only black and one a soft gray, with red and white ribbons wrapped in bows at their collar waiting for you in your studio with a message penned within a card sitting atop a small box. “These two angels, named 먹물 and 후추, will watch over you when I am away. I love you forever _______. Happy White Day.” Within the box was his traditional White Day gift to you, a small dark chocolate cake with your initials inked in white icing and a circle of red hearts on the border. One for each year of your lives you’d spent together and one extra in white for good luck. —————————————————— October “Thank y'all for dropping in. It was wonderful seeing you two again. Goodness we haven't seen one ‘nother since you were a runt ________” the owner was saying to you as she came up to greet you in the quiet stables. Among the now much lighter usual Sunday morning crowd, a small family remained, a young mother and father were rounding up their twin boys who had been roughhousing in the hay, in the stall across from where you stood. You couldn't help glancing over at the rambunctious, happy quad every now and again. If nothing else to take in a deep breathe of fresh air. You turned from the task you were focusing on, sparing the owner a moment to share her grin with her, and your mother, cordially brightening your eyes before lowering them when the owner turned to address your mother who had already finished her goodbyes to her mare. You worked quietly as she carried on spiritedly. “We keep hearing all about the work she's done. We’ve been watching over her career since she graduated. Got all her clippings and a copy of some of her books too. You even signed a copy once remember!” She was turning to you again, before turning back to your mother because you only smiled politely again in response. “My my, you must be so proud of her! And married now, my my,” she was prattling on and on as anyone who has known someone since they were young does. It's as if they are somehow entitled and entrusted with reminding you of who you were and that you can't deviate from that eternal symbol of youth and hope. People are so fond of memories and reminiscing. Your mother let her go on, nodding here, and there sincerely reciprocating her eye contact and enthusiasm before engaging her. She was a harmless older woman after all. She truly had known you since you were a small girl here in Colorado Springs. Your mother had allowed you riding lessons as it was a tradition in the family to do so. And once you got the hang of it she stopped coming with you and sent you on your own. And so this woman had adopted you in her own way, and fostered your love of illustration by allowing you to stay during the summer after an exhaustive school year. You spent many a summer weekend up in the loft in the stables drawing into dawn with the windows opened wide to Universe, drawing inspiration from everything you could hear, smell, see... It was here that you and your mother had visited once again at their bed, and breakfast in when once again you allowed so many responsibilities to pile up that you lost sight.. That you lost… Again... You smiled once again when she looked your way and nodded at her, feeling a slight buzzing in your pocket. “Excuse me,” you whispered politely stepping away from the “a to b with an adjoining nonchalant c” conversation to step outside of the pungent, homey stables. Just as you swiped the screen to answer a text message from your agent, your Mother-in-Law was sending you a text asking when you were coming home for dinner, and _________ (Minseok’s Vice President) was sending you an email to confirm a proof for a new brochure and the OB/GYN was sending another confirmation message for your appointment next month… You clicked the power button until the screen went dark, and pressed the phone to your chest, taking a deep inhalation through your nose, and let the breath gently pass through your lips until you had nothing left. One step at a time, you exhaled once more, and opened your eyes to the pasture before you. To the lush evergreen. The brilliant, bright sunny sky. If you listened and waited patiently surely a bird song was trilling somewhere. A babbling, bustling brook. Come back to the Earth. Stay grounded. “______?” You heard your mother call you out to you suddenly. You pulled a smile from the crisp afternoon air, and whirled around to face her noticing that the owner had given up trying to coax stories of yesterday from you, and instead waited silently as if she were a mime. As if she was waiting for you to give her reason to move and provoke some deeper expression. Did she realize that the future could be heartbreaking enough? Who needs to look back on what was when the future was so… “Yes?” You put a song in your voice. “Well what do you think dear? Are you ready to head back?” She asked, gesturing towards the path leading to the parking lot where the car would be waiting. You nodded, maintaining your close lipped smile as you passed by the farm owner you'd known in your childhood, waving politely once again as you went past and dropping the glamour the moment you stepped out of their gates. The car ride was only an hour at most from your Mother’s new home and you stopped in with her to grab your small leather overnight bag you'd dropped at the foot of the guest bed the moment you arrived. 먹물 and 후추 woke immediately from their naps, barking happily at your return. “Hello babies,” you smiled at them letting them lick your hands. Looking around at the room, you were surprised at how homely this room felt even though it wasn't the bedroom of your youth. There was nothing of this place that was familiar. But your mother had tried in her own way to make it comfortable for your stay. You could tell that the bedroom had been rearranged. That she had repositioned the writing desk to face the window the way you had always done at home. The bookcase looked quite new and you noticed a couple of old titles you'd been acquainted with some time ago. Memories. You held onto the substantial post of the footrest of the bed as you felt yourself sinking into the hardwood floor. Memories. “Dear?” Your mother called to you. From the look on her face, she had been standing there for some time watching you. “Are you having any pain?” She asked gently to which you shook your head immediately, and gathered up your bags quickly before joining her in the hall. “I’m ready now,” you said attempting a small smile. 먹물 pawed at your foot as 후추 whined. ----------------- She brought you to the family restaurant as you asked, and helped you with 먹물 and 후추 just as your Mother-in-Law was rushing out to greet you all. “It's a pleasure to see you again,” your mother nodded to your Mother-in-Law who nodded to her in return. “Yes, it is a pleasure,” she said, and your mother returned the sentiment cordially. “I can’t believe we are already starting our Halloween Harvest celebrations. The year just flies by with all of the work we’re doing,” your Mother-in-Law laughed to herself. You nodded as you had been doing all weekend. With that smooth smile pressed between your lips. “Did you enjoy your holiday together?” Your Mother-in-Law asked gesturing for you both to come inside. 먹물 and 후추 would wait by the front with one of the waiters your Mother in Law sent for. He seemed all too happy to do it. 먹물 and 후추 were already snuggling into him and licking his cheeks. “I haven't been riding in a long time, and I needed the fresh air. It smells delicious in here as always,” you smiled genuinely at her as she ushered you both inside towards the table she already prepared for dinner.

The conversation was light and quick just like the meal, an enriching bowl of chogye guksu. Just as you were raising your second to last substantial spoonful of chogye guksu to your lips, a group of customers entered the restaurant. The hostess who was waiting by the door ushered them to a table and as they passed by your table which was in the center of the restaurant, they wished you all greetings and health to you and your Mother in Law and your Mother before passing and being seated by the window. “Thank you so much for the meal. I enjoy trying something new from your extensive menu each time I come,” your mother smiled sincerely, reaching towards your Mother-in-Law to shake her hand. Your Mother-in-Law blushed, reaching her arms out to offer a hug in place of a hand shake which your mother received awkwardly. One step at a time. ---------------------- After helping you with your bags into the front door, and letting 먹물 and 후추 inside your mother reached for you a little less awkwardly and held you close. You rested your cheek against her breastbone listening to her heartbeat thudding against your ear when she suddenly spoke. “You'll be all right. You can do this,” she whispered against your brow as she smoothed your hair back from your crown. You felt the tears pooling even with your eyes wide open, and found yourself fisting your hands into her blouse. But she pulled herself away from you, pressing your arms down at your sides when she felt you reaching to pull her closer, as she tipped your chin upwards so you could look her in the eyes. “You can do this _______. You are strong,” though it was her voice that you were hearing, it was her eyes that spoke to you. As if she was trying once again to imbue you with her resilient spirit and willing you not to crumble in on yourself. You nodded obediently as always. What a familiar expression. And she stood there, silently watching you for a moment before taking a small step back, and descending the entryway steps to return to her car, her home, and her life. ----------------------

It was only when she left, and you’d tidied the house up that you finally exhaled, and turned on your phone once again.

Just as your husband was calling.

“Yeobo?” His voice brought fresh tears to your eyes once again.

“I am here,” you answered immediately, and heard him let out a raspy exhale.

먹물 and 후추 seemed to know who was on the phone and began yapping loudly.

You laughed at their attempt at a greeting, placing your hand over the receiver and saying “quiet now babies. Please, ” before returning to your conversation.

“How are you?” His words were ever more weighted than usual.

“Better now, and even better when you will be back. I miss you,” you confessed, and heard him give an even deeper tearful sigh.

“I miss you too yeobo. I'll be home soon. I promise. I'm so sorry that I wasn't-”

“Don't. Don't speak of it,” your voice grew louder, and you quickly softened your tone because of the way 먹물 and 후추 began to whine and paw at your calves.

“Please Soo. Please travel safely. Don't worry about me. I'll be...I'm all right. Come home the right way. Not too soon, and not too late,” you strengthened yourself to say what your best self would say and not what your fearful heart wanted.

But I'm already too late, you knew he would say.

The pregnant pause after your words of encouragement confirmed that for you.

But he took a shaky breath and responded, “we are almost done here. Yixing has been very accommodating as usual. But we’re all ready to get back home, and get back to work. I'm thankful that Mom was able to help you out with the classes and…” you laid down on your master bed listening to him talk allowing his tender voice to slow the trembling beat of your heart. You tuned into him as you hadn't done for quite some time. As you had been wanting to do.

Come home my love.

Come back to me my dream.

———————————————

#EXO #AU #EXO AU #EXO Fan Fiction #Human Realm #Universe Gamma #Colorado #Kyungsoo #EXO Pathcodes AU #Pathcodes AU

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