#barbie bankroll

[bankrollxbarbie]

Jacqueline Petzak

[nicollekidman]

it’s actually peak ethics for me to see mission impossible dead reckoning part one 45 times this summer because tom cruise won’t let anyone make action figures of him. happy birthday king! 

[queerbauten]

at what point do we stop calling this “film critique” and start calling it “scabbing”

[tsunflowers]

you gotta hand it to mattel for using the barbie movie to make their brand seem relatable and self-aware while not materially changing anything. the joke about how they had a female ceo in the 90s was like… I don’t want to hear that from mattel in a movie bankrolled by mattel. you are the ones with the power to change that instead of joking about it in your girl power feminist movie. there was something insidious to me about the portrayal of ruth handler’s ghost having a mystical kitchen office in the mattel corporate hq. like trying to reassure us that while men occupy every major role in the company there’s still a feminine touch from ruth in the kitchen and she’s the real power behind the company. maybe you could have a feminine presence with power in the company if you hired more women in leadership roles in real life? just a thought

[griseldagimpel]

The Locked Tomb: The Cryo Project

I wanted to look at the cryo project described in Nona the Ninth in more detail, since I'm in STEM myself. (Standard Disclaimer: All opinions are my own and do not reflect my employer, etc.) All quotes from the text below are transcribed by me, so any errors are also my own.

It was me and A- and M- at the start. It wasn't that they didn't have money for a bigger team; we were simply the only ones capable of what they were asking.

Alright. So this is wildly unrealistic but is one of those cases where an author is sacrificing realism at the altar of a better story, which is fine.

In terms of realism, for a project the scope of cryo project, I'd expect it to have a bazillion people working on it, split into small teams, who are also all only working on one specific aspect of the project. Also, the person in charge of the project is usually not really in the weeds of working on developing the project.

But for the sake of the story, John and his team are the only people working on the project, which both limits the number of characters the author needs to establish and increases the stakes of the plot. And having John be in charge of the project - I'll get to that - gives him responsibility, while having him be one of the people actually working on the project creates investment. He's not just some manager handling time cards or whatever; he's actually doing STEM stuff.

By the way, I've seen fans interpret John as a failson tech bro, and no, this is wildly off base. Tech bros are all about capitalism and maximizing profits; any talk of wanting to save the world is either hype or them getting high off their own supply. John, on the other hand, is working on an actual STEM project to solve an actual problem that will actually help people. So not a tech bro.

And failsons come from money. From what we get of John's upbringing - playing with second-hand Barbies and so forth - suggests John grew up on the poorer side of things. Now, as a member of the cryo project, John is likely making some good money in his adulthood. But think "nice house in the suburbs with a second fridge in the garage", not "mansion". He's in a "can afford to buy a small boat" place financially, not a "can afford to buy a mega-yacht" place. (Failsons are also incompetent, but John has legitimate accomplishments.)

C- was brought on by the oversight execs for contracts, you know, checks and balances...

I have never as an engineer dealt with a lawyer on a project before, but from this I'm going to conjecture three things. First, it's a trillionaire (or a trillionaire's company) bankrolling the cryo project. Second, C- was brought on because the trillionaires wanted to shift their focus to the FTL ships. Thirdly, the cryo project was behind schedule and over budget.

Upper management for whatever company is employing John, A-, and M- bid for the cryo project from the trillionaire's company with an unrealistic schedule and budget. They get the contract because of that and because they have the right people. Project goes over budget and is behind schedule, but at that point, it's easier to negotiate an extension. I mean, the fate of the world is at stake. What is the trillionaire's company going to do? Cancel the project?

But after negotiating extension(s), the trillionaires have decided to shift plans. Why save everyone when they can just save themselves? They can just make FTL ships and leave.

So C-'s job is to find something that John's team is doing that could be used by the trillionaire's to break contract. That's why she's onsite, hovering over their shoulders.

Alternatively, it is possible that John, A-, and M- are contractors working directly for the trillionaire's company. They aren't direct employees, though. Otherwise, there wouldn't be need for C- to try to break the contract. (Okay, yes, I'm assuming At Will employment here, and the above wouldn't apply if John, A-, and M- were in a STEM union. But, look, the story is about trillionaires abandoning humanity to die in favor of saving themselves. I don't think it's a setting where strong unions are a thing.)

Sure, the maternity stuff wasn't totally ironed out, but we were nearly there, and the packing was perfect.

I'm going to guess that one of the specific reasons that cryo project is behind schedule and over budget is that "figure out the maternity stuff" wasn't taken into account in the original bid and has proved to be more complicated than upper management originally [unrealistically] expected.

Of course they bitched about the timeline, and they bitched about the money, but they were always going to bitch about the money.

This is true.

And this is pretty much confirmation about my conjecture that the project is behind schedule and over budget.

Our rule was, nobody knowingly left behind.

This sets up the conflict. John and his team want to do what's right. The trillionaires only care about themselves.

Even when they were constructing the other ships, we got told straight up that it was nothing. ... We even lent them G- at the time because they wanted to talk about coating.

The ships here I presume are the FTL ships.

And this supports my conjecture that the same trillionaire's company is behind both the cryo project and the FTL ships. That's why G- can be shifted between teams.

When they called me up and said the cryo project was over...

John is the one getting the call because he's in charge of the project. He might be project manager, but it's also possible that he's simply the team lead. Anyway, he wouldn't have been the one to have hired A- and M-, and he's not there boss, exactly, but he does have seniority on the project. But that's why they treat him as a colleague; because that's what he is.

He said that the official paperwork claimed they'd decided to pull back and think things through again, but he'd always known they'd reinvested in something else, he just didn't know what.

Further support for my conjecture that the a trillionaire's company was funding both the cryo project and the FTL ships. Thematically, the trillionaires decision to only save themselves comes at the direct expense of saving everyone.

The economy tanked. It hadn't been in great shape to begin with. A- was panicking because our kill-fee money was suddenly worth nothing and what if the banks crashed and that nothing went too?

Without C- to provide a justification to void the contract, the trillionaire's company funding the cryo project had to pay out a penalty fee to void it.

We got a lot of attention at first because they wanted someone to blame, wanted to know who we were. M- and A- could've walked into new jobs in a heartbeat but I was irradiated, I'd never work in the industry again.

This is very strong evidence that John was in charge of the project. That's why he's getting made into the fall guy.

[nedxnancy]

Barbie (2023) and Nancy Drew (1959)

I have to put this under a read-more because it's gonna talk about the way Barbie (2023) ends.

I went to see the movie today, and I couldn't help thinking about Ned and Ken.

There are a lot of similarities between Nancy Drew and Barbie (in fact, if somehow that ever actually happened, a Barbie modeled on Nancy Drew instead of just general Detective Barbie or Spy Barbie, I would lose it. Lose. It. A friend made me some vintage-inspired-Nancy-Drew Barbie outfits and I LOVE THEM.) - Barbie is allowed agency and high-profile careers and all the importance, although, as the film points out, Stereotypical Barbie exists only to be pretty and blank.

(I also didn't realize until drafting this post that the Nancy Drew revisions, removing racial stereotypes and streamlining/shortening the plots from the 1932-1958 books, which began in 1959, started the same year Barbie was introduced.)

My Barbies were always involved in crime plots. Evil Barbie was blackmailing people and trying to steal their boyfriends. It was like a reality show in my Barbie townhouse. My Kens (who were outnumbered by a significant ratio) were pretty much always just accessories, either literal or figurative.

Nancy Drew is on the cusp of adulthood and has no stated money-earning career, much like Stereotypical Barbie. She loves mysteries and is an amateur detective, but it's very clear that she is not professional, is not paid for her work, and would be unable to operate as an amateur detective were her father unable to bankroll her activities.

Ned, like Ken, exists without Nancy—but also has no job. Ken does "beach," but performs no function there. (The film aside that Ken's domestic sphere, the Mojo Dojo Casa House, sells like hotcakes, is fascinating: masculine-coded toys seem to have castles or Batcaves for "homes," and are heroes or rescuers or doers in some sense; Ken is allowed to just be a horse enthusiast who also loves full-length fur coats. Ken doesn't sit in the Pink [White] House being absolute ruler all day.) Ned is a college student who plays sports but also isn't employed beyond temporary summer jobs. To the viewer/reader, Ned does functionally disappear without the context of Nancy. Nancy defines Ned's life.

a yellowed-paper heart imagines Ned without Nancy, much like Ken, but in the story Ned recognizes that Nancy has been made to never return his affections; he has agency, where she is bound by the decisions of her creator. Ned seeks meaning in reality but it's to escape the pain of knowing his love won't and can't be requited. He gets to be his own main character for a while, but recognizes that the lack remains.

Ned can't return. But Ken does. Ken comes off as kind of incel in the last part of the film, but he also freely admits early on that even if he did "stay over" at Barbie's house, he's not sure what that would actually mean. He's hurt that his feelings aren't returned, not that Barbie is denying him (functionally impossible) sex.

I think it's very easy to read Nancy Drew, especially original Mystery Stories, 1932-1979, Nancy Drew, as asexual. She can't return Ned's feelings because she hasn't been given the capacity. She does feel warmly toward him, he is her favorite escort, but her priority is always her mysteries, and for the most part Ned has no interest in interfering with that, because the excitement of her mysteries is part of what he loves about her.

I think it's really interesting to read Barbie as asexual too, although the film makes the point that Barbie lacks functional genitalia (until the end, anyway). Becoming a "real woman" doesn't make Barbie attracted to Ken. Stereotypical Barbie can't be married Barbie because that isn't a universal goal.

You can argue that Nancy Drew is niche; she's not stereotypical Barbie. But Nancy Drew also breaks gender norms in a few different ways while reinforcing others, and just like Stereotypical Barbie, Nancy calls the shots in her relationship.

Ned doesn't exist only for Nancy's gaze, even though he very obviously hints that he wants to marry her eventually. Ken wants to make a home with Barbie partially because Kens just don't have homes in Barbieland. Ned, were he to change his mind and seek another partner, is presented as a very attractive guy.

In the movie, the ways the Kens perform a lot for and with each other was fascinating. The Barbies interact with each other; Kens are temporary distractions from the work. Nancy and her friends interact with each other; Ned and his friends are around to serve as muscle in dangerous situations, crew sailboats, and call the cops before returning to their summer jobs. In that way, Ned does have a role, where Ken is shut out.

(This is also ignoring the Kens who clearly DID have careers, or at least the wardrobe to imply them. Those Kens always seemed niche, though. Doctor Ken was a thing. Otherwise, Ken comes dressed appropriately to accompany the corresponding Barbie on an adventure.)

Nancy Drew can't end. Barbie can't end. They were written to survive and be and read ourselves into. Marriage/relationships aren't the goal we all have - and even if they were, we aren't all straight - so the characters can't have that, but that doesn't mean that they, that Barbie, can't be people, adults, complete.

It's just interesting to think about.

[dentpx]

I liked Barbie a lot, like obviously it’s bankrolled by Mattel so Greta can only do so much in relation to criticizing the brand, and considering that she did a LOT more than I thought she would and overall I found it to be really good and thoughtful thematically. Greta says stuff out loud about the way it is to be a woman that makes you go “oh my god, I’m not crazy!”. My only big gripe is the emphasis on femininity and ONLY femininity as a means of being feminist but like, yknow, that’s Barbie. That’s her whole brand.

[womanexile]

Hmm, maybe not shocking TS wasn't involved with Barbie soundtrack after all. Not sure what the timing was- but she had other priorities. Re-recordings, music videos, tour prep, etc. I don't think the director considered asking her (she didn't think they'd get her to sign on). I wonder how the project will do- so far it looks promising. I wonder who bankrolled the marketing for movie & music?

WB has made some questioning business decisions for the past few years that may not help their bottomline. Lots of movies with PR & box office issues/unmet expectations (The Flash, Shazam, Batgirl, Aquaman 2, DWD, Black Adam). Not to mention TCM & their music division (WMG) is not as profitable as it was in the past- and they've trimmed some projects & productions. Mattel has their own issues also. Also writers' strike & now possible SAG-AFTRA strike looming also (hot topic- AI). variety.com/2023/film/news/sag-aftra-actors-strike-publicist-meeting-1235665797/

So far the soundtrack has gotten positive buzz. (But ouch on MR addressing final two). The soundtrack is on Atlantic (WMG)- a competing label- so maybe not a big draw for TS. She is also very selective on producers and protective of her projects. I noticed Ronson (along with Mars & Bhasker) also were embroiled with a few copyright lawsuits since 2017. Not to imply that they were in the wrong- but her own copyright entanglements would have probably stirred up some bad publicity. Although she did still work with ES recently (WMG label). So, Idk. 'Fun.' fact- MR's BIL (I think) was Antonoff's bandmate. Fun opened for Paramore in 2010 before signing with Fueled by Ramen (WMG).

Barbie missed out on having TS & HS. They would have been perfect. They are Barbie & ken. I’m sure there is probably a ton of reasons why she’s not on the soundtrack. Maybe since she so heavily on the Summer I Turned Pretty soundtrack she wanted to keep it just them. Idk 🤷‍♀️

[ticketgatewaycanada]

BANKROLL BARBIE organizing 🎃 HALLOWEEN-X🎭 event by BANKROLL BARBIE . 2024–10–31 09 PM in Canada, we are selling the tickets for 🎃 HALLOWEEN-X🎭 https://www.ticketgateway.com/event/view/---halloween-x--

[muddypolitics]

(via Sue's News: A Round-Up of Screw Yous)

Fuck you to Iowa Republicans for requiring teachers to out students to their parents if they want to change their pronouns or names. The law also bans teachers from discussing gender identity and sexual orientation issues with students through grade six.

Fuck you more specifically to Iowa Gov. Kim Reynolds (R) for signing a bill that loosens child labor laws. You sure have a funny way of caring about kids.

Fuck you to Alabama Republicans for expanding the state’s ban on transgender athletes to include college teams.

Fuck you to whoever created the verified Twitter account @AOCpress that is impersonating Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-N.Y.) and claiming that she has a crush on Twitter CEO Elon Musk.

Fuck you to conservative piss-babies for calling to boycott Chick-fil-A over misinformation about them recently hiring a VP for diversity, equity, and inclusion. That person has actually been working there since 2021. Also: the company’s foundation has donated millions to anti-LGBTQ+ organizations.

Fuck you to conservative shadow president and Federalist Society co-chair Leonard Leo for bankrolling the effort to mislead Kansas voters about last year’s pro-abortion ballot measure. (Thankfully, his efforts failed.)

Fuck you to Donald Trump for saying he’d ban birthright citizenship via executive order on day one of his presidency were he to win in 2024. The text of the 14th Amendment would like a word.

Oh my god, fuck you to Brian Laundrie’s mother, Roberta, for sending a letter to her son, the admitted murder of Gabby Petito, in which she said, “If you need to dispose of a body, I’ll show up with a shovel and garbage bags.” The outside of the envelope was marked “burn after reading.”

Fuck you to Ron DeSantis for acting like it’s a liberal conspiracy that his wife Casey isn’t on fashion magazine covers because they’re conservatives and not because Casey dresses like segregation Barbie.

Fuck you to the Department of Justice for saying that migrant families the Trump Administration separated at the border in 2017 and 2018 don’t have legal standing to sue.

And, finally, fuck you to the conservative majority on the Supreme Court, led by Justice Amy Coney Barrett, for making it easier for companies to sue unions over financial losses during strikes. Justices Elena Kagan and Sonia Sotomayor joined the conservatives in what I really fucking hope was a deal to block them from making it worse. The ruling was 5-3-1, with only Justice Jackson dissenting.

[bankrollxbarbie]

[thedigitaltraphouse2]

Shit Talk - Barbie Bankroll

[therealvinelle]

I would 100 percent love a rundown of every vampire and how they would react to the option to be human again.

... every vampire..?

I guess we’re doing this.

Afton is more useless to the Volturi than ever. This changes nothing, in part because nobody notices. Afton dies of old age in a cry for attention.

Alec can have puberty?! Get tall? Have sex? Sign him the fuck up. Alec spends ten years as a human. Unfortunately it turns out he has the worst genes, so he stops at 5 feet and doesn’t grow an inch taller. He is Volterra’s short king. Even more unfortunate is the fact that the ladies still see him as a kid and would feel weird about sleeping with him, so no luck on that front either. (Somehow, Jane is both taller and gets all the hawt dewds)

Alice would not like this at all. Having a human is nice, that’s fun. Alice loves her Bella Barbie. Being a human? Oh god no.

Alistair’s whole thing is that he’s living as a hermit because he’s terrified of everyone and everything. If he became human again, he would still be a hermit, but lacking any of the survival skills or basic equipment that human hermits accrue he would quickly die out there in the wild.

Amun might just be the oldest vampire in the world, and he has been a god. Going back to being human would be too low, it would be the greatest humiliation imaginable. Hard no from Amun.

Anne was Victoria’s sister, the two girls were impoverished and Anne prostituted herself to feed them. Since she was executed by the Volturi within that same century, she would be returning to that same, horrible life. All the nopes, Anne gets her creator to turn her again.

Aro would be very practical about it, I think, and find someone to turn him back before the plague got him. Though I’m sure he’d be too curious not to try for himself the modern, global, human cuisine, so whoever was turning him has to sit by and wait while Aro drinks all the margaritas and eats all the sushi. And probably human flesh, gotta know what it tastes like from the other side

Athenodora has spent a very long time in that tower tripping on Corin’s gift. As she walks into the Volterra town square she has a full on Plato’s cave allegory epiphany, as she realizes that the tower was a fever dream and the real world is blurry and she doesn’t want to eat anybody. She comes to the conclusion that vampires aren’t real.

Bella would feel like Cinderella at the end of the ball, her beautiful gown turns back into rags and she’s an unworthy human again. Edward is overjoyed she smells delicious is fragile again and refuses to turn her back. Heartbreak ensues.

Benito invented newborn wars, he’s got a million enemies. He better become a vampire again immediately, or he’s dead.

Benjamin is the avatar, which is great. He lives in hiding because Amun has him convinced that Aro would enslave him, which is less great. Being human would not solve this.

Boris was living his best life being a fake Russian noble in the court of Versailles. Being a fake noble as a human is just not as fun, and he finds himself a vampire to get turned back.

Bree was miserable as a vampire, but her life wasn’t great to begin with. She was homeless and starving. I imagine she’d say no to humanity because she had nothing to return to, but this would be a survival move that had nothing to do with what she wanted in life.

Caius has no time for this nonsense, he turns back immediately.

Carlisle I’ve outlined in this post, but to repeat it here he is quite happy being a vampire, humanity has nothing to offer him. His ridiculously large network of friends would be put to good use once again as he tries to find someone who’ll turn him. (He has a surprisingly hard time, as no one wants to risk being the asshole who ate Carlisle Cullen. He eventually comes crawling back to a delighted Aro)

Carlisle’s creator is the lowest of the low, trash who lives in the slums, gets caught by humans, eats half a mob and then lets a newborn loose in the middle of London. This guy is a slob who does not have his life in order. Without vampirism, he starts shooting up under a bridge and dies within a few weeks. He does not get turned back into a vampire because nobody’s touching that.

Carmen would probably want a baby before turning back. The problem with trying to raise a human child as a vampire is that children bleed all the time. Eleazar Jr. scrubs his knee, Carmen goes full Cronus on her son, and Dostoyevsky is proud.

Charles... I don’t know if anybody agreed with my post on Renata, I for one think Luca is horrifying, and based on that Charles would turn back immediately because he’s not leaving Makenna on her own. Not to mention, Charles is one of the few vampires in Twilight who chose his fate.

Charlotte and Peter are living happily, thinking the Cullens are crazy for appreciating humans, so no changes there.

Chelsea might actually be a bit allured by humanity, since this way she can find out once and for all if she can form organic, normal relationships. However, she’s been a vampire for millennia, which makes it impossible for her to relate to humans. She makes no friends, and comes to believe that she is unlovable. She becomes a vampire again and, after an extended existential crisis, eventually becomes Marcus.

Corin would want to try all the human drugs. Gotta find out if weed is better than she is! Unfortunately half of Volterra is hooked on her, and she’s turned before she can find a good dealer.

Didyme would immediately suffer a brain aneurism, and die. Marcus becomes Marcus, but this is ultimately the better timeline since Aro can mourn his sister normally.

Diego’s life was pretty much over since gang members were out to get him, so he’s not returning to humanity anytime soon. Although vampirism means that now everyone he meets is a potential gang member out to get him (indeed, Victoria gets him), so maybe humanity would appear comparatively peaceful.

Demetri seems to be having a cool time being a vampire, so back into the ranks of the unholy he goes.

Edward, oh boy. I can’t imagine it, and I don’t want to.

Eleazar is a pretty self-righteous and sanctimonious fellow, I am sure he would not only choose to remain human, but talk about how noble it is that he’s staying human. He would not enjoy being human.

Emmet would be a miserable human, but to turn back would be to turn his back on Rosalie, and so he would dutifully remain, even as he grew to resent her for it. Once again I have a post.

Esme would not want humanity given the choice, but if she suddenly is human then provided Carlisle was as well, I imagine she would want to get a do-over. However, trouble is that if she wants to have a baby, then she’ll have to stick around with said baby as well. Sticking around means remaining human. Honestly, I’m not sure where that would go. Terrible places once Carlisle runs off to Italy, I’m sure.

Felix is another dude who seems pretty happy with vampirism. He sticks his hand into the first fanged mouth that he can find.

Fred is having a good time as well now that he has left Victoria’s army, no arguments here.

Garrett seems quite happy to be a vampire, although he enjoys new things enough that I think he’d want to spend a few years experiencing things from this human perspective. Alas, he’d have pictured the life human influencers and fictional humans were leading - it can’t be too far off, right? Well, real humans need jobs and housing and health insurance. One thing leads to another, and Carlisle finds himself bankrolling Garrett’s human adventures.

George is a seriously amazing guy who goes around pretending to be a demon called Astaroth and making fake demon deals with people. He’s an amazing conman, but his whole schtick depends on being a vampire, so it wouldn’t work if he were human. Vampirism it is.

Heidi apparently lived a terrible life as a human and was pity-turned into a vampire, so I don’t think she’d have any happy associations with humanity at all. She buys the first ticket back to damnation.

Hilda was a feminist bleeding heart who made suffering women invulnerable. Vampirism, to her, seems to have been salvation, with humanity a miserable state. Hard no from Hilda.

Huilen didn’t want anything to do with this supernatural horrorshow that killed her sister, and I imagine she’s one of the few who’d actually fare well as a human again, even though time has passed.

Irina drowns her Laurent-shaped sorrows in booze and men.

James would be furious with everything for letting this happen to him, and want to be turned back again.

Jane, like Alec, is overjoyed that she can have puberty again. This works out great for her. Like a middle school goth phase, she sort of pretends that whole 1200-year-stint as an actual twelve-year-old didn’t happen, going “oh, yeah... that” when it’s mentioned.

Jasper isn’t eating people anymore, praise Jesus. I think he’d actually fare quite well, he’d become a dusty professor in philosophy at some college and the violence would truly be behind him.

Joham is a monster and I imagine his children would eat him before he could get turned back. Good on them.

Kachiri is quite happy with Senna and Zafrina, she wouldn’t want that to change.

Kate loves Garrett very much, but there are all these human men she won’t have to worry about killing..?

Kebi was a slave who was chosen by Amun to be... well, his slave forever. As an unchanging vampire she’s stuck, but humanity could represent real hope for her, the only hope, really. Hard yes from Kebi.

Kristie is one of the two Victoria recruits who managed to turn the army into a high school, where you were either in the right clique or you were a square. Kristie is clearly an opportunist who’ll make the best of any situation, human or vampire.

Kumboh is a highly eccentric vampire who works in a mental hospital and gets attached to the humans there, to the point where he dies for one. This is not a man I can predict.

Laurent spent his existence in a pursuit of power without understanding what power is, and ended up stuck with the white trashiest vampires ever to white trash. Several logical leaps based on 18th century French Versailles logic later he endeavors to marry into the British royal family.

Liam is living quite happily with his wife and surrogate daughter, and even if he wasn’t then Siobhan is going to want her hubby back. And what Siobhan wants, Siobhan gets.

Luca is quite happy being the family patron who sometimes takes niece-brides (or family demon who keeps stealing their daughters), so he would want his fangs back. But, I’m sorry but I think he’d seize the opportunity to impregnate one of his descendants, because if this guy is all about preserving his family line then I can’t imagine he’d be able to resist a son.

Lucy, like Maria, would be in so much trouble. Honestly, I think Maria would eat her immediately. Easiest way to get rid of competition.

Maggie might want to grow a bit older and less emaciated before turning, but like Liam, Siobhan’s gift would see to it that the coven became whole again.

Makenna wanted vampirism once, I imagine she’d want it again. She seems quite happy with her life.

Marcus is finally able to kill himself. Happy days.

Maria would be in so much trouble. She is a human in newborn war territory, all the vampires around her have terrible control, and the ones with good enough control to turn her are enemy army leaders who want her dead. She is forced to make a phone call to Jasper and ask if he can put in a good word with Carlisle.

Mary (Carlisle’s friend), it’s been over a century and she’s still living alone. Sounds lonely, so maybe she’d be down for the change.

Mary (Hilda’s coven) is living that feminist liberation life with Hilda, and humanity would throw her right back into poverty and misery. Big nope.

Nettie would be eaten by Jasper, since Maria already ate Lucy.

Noela is a member of Hilda’s coven, meaning her life was awful. She would not want it back.

Peter is living happily ever after with Charlotte, it’s a good life. Peter does not want things to change.

Randall was turned in the 1960′s, so I’m sure he’d want some of that sweet weed again.

Raoul was a gangbanger and humanity is better off without him. So are vampires.

Renata had awful circumstances around her turning, and nothing to return to. Her human family either sold her out or were unable to protect her, my money’s on them thinking that her fate was a great honor, and either option makes them someone I imagine she has put behind her. As it is now, she has purpose with the Volturi, and no one is making her be anybody’s bride. She would not want things to change, nevermind becoming human.

Riley thinks he has found true love and glorious purpose, and would remain the way he is.

Rosalie would be delighted, but she has poured years of bitterness and crushed dreams into the dream of the perfect human life. Reality wouldn’t live up to her ideal and this time she can’t blame vampirism. I think she’d start drinking.

Santiago presumably has an alright time being a vampire, he has purpose and community with the Volturi. No changes here.

Sasha wanted a big ol’ family, turning first her niece and then women who resembled her niece enough to look like her sisters, so I imagine that, like all good Denali women, she’d seduce a sexy human male and give herself a few more daughters. Disaster would ensue if they were sons, or not blondes.

Senna is living happily with her girlfriends, let nothing disrupt that.

Siobhan’s life is great, with her gift her life will be as she wishes it to be, and she seems to truly enjoy being a vampire. It wouldn’t even be a question for her.

Stefan and Vladimir (no, they don’t get individual entries) are has-beens. Without vampirism, they would be greater has-beens than ever. This makes Aro’s century, and he makes it clear to the vampire world that no one is to turn these two back. Their lives suck and then they die.

Sulpicia is above pesky human sustenance, the mere thought is revolting. She accidentally starves herself to death.

Victoria would be at once more and less paranoid. Her gift isn’t going haywire telling her about all the danger, but she’s a human, so all is danger. I think she’d start drinking too.

Victoria’s NPC army recruits are newborns who love that sweet sweet blood, ain’t nobody turning their back on that.

Tanya would be so fucking happy, oh my god. She can bang all the dudes, and she won’t have to worry about killing them! She forgets that human women have to worry about STDs and pregnancies. Now she has chlamydia and a baby.

Tia’s big problem is that she’s stuck living with this ancient and bitchy loser who takes himself way too seriously. Vampirism on its own is great, she’s down for that.

Unnamed tracker formerly employed by the Volturi was relieved of his duties in the most “oops, you’re useless now” way possible. That hurts your self esteem. Becoming a powerless human would hurt it even more. Unnamed tracker formerly employed by the Volturi does not want this.

Vassilii would grow up, and have a host of issues because being a toddler with memories of bloodthirst and killing people is bad for child development.

Zafrina is having a great time with her girlfriends and her illusions. And it’s been a very long time since they were human, I don’t think anything remains of their culture. At least not anything they’d recognize.

Hope this answers your question, anon...

Edit: Added Carlisle’s Creator, Sasha, and Vassilii. If I’ve missed anybody else, let me know.

Edit 2: Added Bree, Diego, Frank, Kristen, Raoul, Riley, and Victoria’s NPC army recruits.

[docholligay]

An unnecessarily lengthy ode to the deadlock disaster children

Decided I had to submit this instead of comment endlessly on your post… because I just love Ashe and McCree so much more than I could have ever predicted?? I would feel about characters from this game?? You already know this but you did ask for reasons, so I’m gonna give them to ya.

I was drawn to Ashe when I first picked up the game because I tend to prefer longer ranged weapons and also because I took one look at her and said ‘i choose you, criminal lesbian.’ I didn’t even watch Reunion for a little while, but I was/still am so into her weapon-focused kit and the challenge that learning to play her even relatively well has posed (I still run out of bullets and boop myself off ledges more than I care to admit). So for Ashe far more than McCree, there’s a gameplay element to her that does actually factor into loving her as a character. 

I wanted to play McCree a lot when I first got the game, because cowboy, and because me (the prism of my experience of rural life has affected a lot of what I see in mcCree and is probably a solid chunk of the reason I was able to write him into a character I liked) but his gameplay was just too hard and I didn’t love him like I did Tracer, so there was no reason for me to continue. 

Obviously we have very little canon for her, but I love a lot of what we do have. I love that she’s quick to anger and bossy and pretty selfish and quite good at what she does. I love that she clearly cares about McCree even as she isn’t prepared to ever let go of her grudge against him, that’s the kind of tension and conflict that I am always so into, perhaps in part because I have so much experience with it personally. She’s got high expectations of everyone, probably too high, and she prizes loyalty above all else - feels very relatable to me, tbh. I love her aesthetic and her ridiculous voice acting and I really really really love BOB’s mannerisms and general role in her life.

If and when I am ever tempted to do something with Ashe, I think the most interesting thing to work with would be her sort of spoiled brat mentality, and how that hits up against Actual Cowboy Ethos (I utterly, utterly reject the idea of the Deadlock Gang being a biker gang, at least before Ashe took over. I’ts a boring choice made for aesthetics.) The idea of her having conflict with everyone who taught her everything she knows and completely thinking that SHE’S RIGHT really intrigues me. 

As far as headcanons/my writing of her goes, though, I feel like I’m trying to flesh her out as a character who experiences a lot of growth, but never ends up much closer to perfect or even to good (because I don’t think she’s good, I don’t really have any interest in redeeming her at all, though I think humanizing her or exploring the ways that she can be relatable is interesting). I think one thing they did really well in introducing her (and some of the others, obviously Fareeha is similar) is that she’s a person who’s had an entire life, a childhood and a young adulthood and is now a grown woman. I find that super helpful in thinking about what particular things make her immature when she’s first meeting McCree and starting the gang, and then how she addresses or doesn’t address those things as she gets older and has to adapt. I also like that she’s a criminal, clearly not a good guy character, but also doesn’t at this point have a direct tie to the Big Bad organization of the franchise - I’ve not shared many of my ideas for where my fic series is going, but I like the idea of her flat out refusing any/all offers from Talon to team up for several reasons. Like having Vishkar and Lumerico and even Volskaya as sort of villainous presences, keeping Deadlock and Talon separate helps the world feel less manichean/more realistic to me, so I actually hope there’s not a move to tie everyone together too neatly.

I also have NO desire to see her team up with Talon except maybe in selling Talon weapons or something. BUt that’s business, not teamwork. I see Ashe as left with basically a name of the Deadlock gang, but without anyone but BOB who REALLY has her corner. 

I do wish that the whole 'her parents ignored her entirely’ and 'she’s richer than god’ things had been considered a bit more in relation to one another - it doesn’t make any sense to me at all that her parents would continue to bankroll their at large criminal daughter that they don’t care about at all, for instance. My other major gripe with how she’s been handled is actually about her legendary skins - let her look like herself, Blizzard!! Let her have her white hair and red eyes instead of just blatantly embracing the fact that you made another same face white woman who you will play Barbie with and give her dark hair or blue eyes whenever it’s more convenient. Also make her look her age, damnit. 

You’re completely right and all of this is dumb. But I’m not shocked, tbh. LET OLDER WOMEN LOOK IT!!! LET WOMEN BE OLDER!!! 

ANYWAY, her origin story and Reunion give me a lot to work with. ESPECIALLY because I’m not at all convinced that Reunion is the first time she and McCree have seen each other since he left the gang, or at least I feel very strongly that it shouldn’t be the first time. There are a lot of things about how they both act that I’ve chosen to read as suggesting this is kind of a recurring thing, he shows up and makes her mad and messes with the gang but neither of them will actually hurt the other, and then she has to go back to acting like he’s her nemesis when really he’s the one person who can make her break her own rules about punishing betrayal. I’ve got no particular investment in Blizzard telling their stories that way, but to me it makes a lot more sense than that confrontation being their first meeting after 20 years.

I haven’t decided what I think about McCree and Ashe’s relationship in specific, only in broad strokes, and I chalk a lot of that up to my general reluctance to engage with Ashe and what Blizzard seems to be trying to do with her. I’ll have to come up with something, if only in passing, but yeah, I dunno. 

AND SPEAKING OF MCCREE. He’s so sad, I love him. While I don’t see him joining Talon usually, I definitely agree with you that he just kind of bounces around from group to group and place to place throughout his life, and to me that’s in part because I see him as just kind of taking things as they come at him, but also because he’s so deeply convinced of his own 'badness’ and guilt that, without someone else prompting him like Ashe or Gabe, he’ll just default to running on his own so as not to hurt or disappoint anyone, including himself. But even as he’s convinced that he’s not a truly good man, he still works to do the right thing in the ways he knows how and feels cut out for. And I love that he’s polite, and that he seems largely to be pretty unflappable but is willing to get angry and express that anger when something is important enough to warrant it, and also that he’s a fuckin terrible dresser. 

Yeah, I think McCree is a tumbleweed, and he’s always looking for something, and he never really quite finds it, at least not for a long time, Eventually, in the fullness of time, he becomes a sort of officer for Overwatch, in my world, but even there he feels that he is doing a good and useful thing but does he “fit”? Will he ever be settled like Pharah? Loved like Tracer? Who knows! Not him! He’s just a cat dad doing his best. 

Idk, I was skeptical of getting into a game that wasn’t first-and-foremost narrative driven, but I’ve found that many of the characters are set up in such a way that even though they’re not fully fleshed out, there’s a lot to work with that’s super interesting and fun to me, so Overwatch has been an incredibly pleasant surprise. I love others, too, but these two appeal directly to my two greatest weaknesses when it comes to fictional characters (bitter lesbian who yells and sweet guy who tries really hard to do the right thing even though he fucks up a lot because the world is complicated), and it’s very fortuitous that they’re actually linked to one another within the lore. If my faves were like, Zen and Reyes, for instance, I don’t think I’d be as jazzed about the franchise as I am. But I lucked out with these two losers, and as always I love the way that you’ve written McCree (can’t wait to see what you do with Ashe) so I’ve gladly incorporated fanon into my thoughts and feelings about him, so it’s kind of just been a perfect storm for me, and now here I am writing excessively long submissions to you about why I love them.

Yeah, I think it works out nicely when you find a character that the franchise loves too. I did not go into Overwatch expecting Tracer to be my favorite, not even remotely. I expected it would be Widowmaker, actually. But Tracer just got me, something about her sense of goodness without naivete, her courage and her brightness. She’s the hero with the strength to get up and still see that corner of blue in the sky. ANd then go shoot a man to keep it. 

[erossiniuk]

Learn to Earn

In this post I recommend another book from Peter Lynch and John Rothchild’s three classic primers on investing and stock-picking, “Learn to Earn” is the one best for absolute beginners. If that describes you, then get ready for some investment basics! Before start to read this post, you can read some other posts or visit our book list.

How to invest: savings accounts, collectibles, and houses

In life, you can either work for money, or make money work for you. “Money is a great friend once you send it off to work,” say Lynch and Rothchild in “Learn to earn”. “It puts extra cash in your pocket without your having to lift a finger.” So, the earlier you start investing, the better.

There are five basic ways to invest money. For starters, here are the pros and cons of the three more familiar ones:

Savings accounts or similar. Savings accounts — as well as treasury bills, money-market funds, and certificates of deposit (CDs) — are short-term investments, and are great places to store cash until you have enough of it to invest somewhere else. Their biggest disadvantage is that they pay a low rate of interest, sometimes one that can’t even keep up with inflation. And when the inflation rate is higher than the interest rate you’re getting, then you’re investing in a lost cause.

Collectibles. You can also invest money by buying collectibles, anything from baseball cards to Barbie dolls. While money devalues with time, objects often become more desirable as they get older and you can sell them at a higher price. However, you’ll have to take good care of them because even collectibles lose value with wear and tear, and they become worthless if lost or stolen. You’ll also have to become an expert — not only in the items you collect, but also in the market and the prices, lest you want to risk getting ripped off.

Houses or apartments. While buying a new car is not an investment – “nothing will eat up your bankroll faster than a car will,” note Lynch and Rothchild – buying a new house is. In fact, it is the most profitable purchase you’ll ever make. For four reasons: 1) you usually buy it on borrowed money; 2) its value will increase while you live in it; 3) you won’t pay any taxes on the gains; and 4) when you do sell the house, the government will give you a tax break. An added bonus is that acquiring the discipline to pay off your mortgages will prepare you well for stock-investing.

How to invest: the pros and cons of bonds and stocks

In addition to putting your money into savings accounts or buying houses and collectibles, you can also make your money work for you by investing it into bonds and stocks, following the advice of “Learn to earn”. Let’s see what this means in actual fact.

Bonds. A bond is “a glorified IOU,” “a record of the fact that you’ve loaned your money to somebody else.” When you purchase a bond, you’re actually not buying anything – you’re just making a loan. The bond – which shows the amount of the loan and the deadline – is a proof that the deal happened. Investing in bonds is similar to putting money in a savings account: in both cases, you earn money only from the interest. In theory, you should be able to earn more with bonds because they are long-term deals and you get paid a higher rate of interest. If you, say, buy a $10,000 ten-year bond with an interest rate of 8%, the bond issuer will pay you back $18,000 after a decade. However, taking into consideration the inflation rate over the same period and figuring in the taxes, you’ll actually earn much less than $8,000.

Stocks. A bond is a much more protected investment than a stock. If you buy a bond from the U.S. government – via, say, the U.S. Savings Bond – you’re guaranteed to be repaid in full, no matter what. Even so, outside of a house, stocks may be the best investment you’ll ever make. “When you buy a bond, you’re only making a loan, but when you invest in a stock, you’re buying a piece of a company,” Lynch and Rothchild explain. “If the company prospers, you share in the prosperity. If it pays a dividend, you’ll receive it, and if it raises the dividend, you’ll reap the benefit.” The stock market is not as reliable as the U.S. government, but if you have time and a plan, you’ll probably earn much more from it in the long run.

Stocks are the best of all five basic types of investment. This important lesson, however, comes with an even more important caveat: stocks will earn you money only if you give them time. If you don’t, you’re forcefully turning the stock market into a casino. To get the most out of stock investing, buy stocks from respectable or promising companies using money you can afford to set aside forever. Then hold on to these stocks as long as the companies behind them have a future. After all, if you don’t sell any shares during crashes and depressions, you’ll never make a real loss; and, though they sometimes go through bad times, good companies usually come off really well in the end.

Mutual funds: their nature and history

Now that you’ve learned, thank to “Learn to earn” what to invest in — stocks — it’s time to decide whether you want to pick them on your own or let somebody else do it. Many people don’t want to bother with numbers or research, so they choose the latter. That’s what mutual funds were invented for.

In essence, a mutual fund is a professionally-managed investment scheme that brings together money from many people and invests it in many companies at once. As soon as you send money to a mutual fund, you automatically become the owner not of one, but dozens of companies the fund has already purchased. Though this may sometimes earn you less, it is also less risky than owning a single stock. With the right expert at the helm of the mutual fund, you can earn a lot of money from this type of investment in the long run. However, you will also be asked to part with some of your earnings — between 0.5% and 2% annually — to recompense the money managers for their efforts.

The earliest mutual fund was started in 1822 by King William I of the Netherlands. The first mutual fund in the United States – the New York Stock Trust – launched more than 60 years later, in 1889. Today, there are more than 6,000 mutual funds in the United States. Ever since the Investment Company Act of 1940, each of them is required to reveal the contents of its portfolio, listing everything from the biggest holdings by name and how many shares it owns in each through management and extra fees to every gain and loss during the previous years. This is all done with the objective of protecting you. Even so, it doesn’t make picking the right mutual fund any easier.

How to choose the right mutual fund

“Picking the right fund isn’t any easier than picking the right auto mechanic,” Lynch and Rothchild in “Learn to earn” state, noting that it would take them a whole book just to describe the different kinds of mutual funds in existence. Even so, they do share a few common sensical bits of advice that should help you in your quest:

Buy funds directly from companies that manage them. You can also buy them from stockbrokers, but why go through an intermediary?

Be wary of broker recommendations. “Whenever a broker recommends anything, always find out what’s in it for the broker.”

Go for pure stock funds. Stocks have overperformed bonds in all but one decade of the 20th century. So, stay away from bond funds or hybrid funds and go for the pure stock funds.

Go through the records of past performance. Past performance is no indicator of future outcomes, but it’s much better than no indicator at all. In addition to comparing the annual returns of several mutual funds, be sure to see if the manager who compiled the best record is still in charge.

Invest in veteran funds. Financial magazines such as Barron’s and Forbes, as well as specialized companies such as Morningstar, track and rank thousands of funds for safety and performance. If you’re serious about investing in mutual funds, subscribe to these publications and follow their advice.

Don’t switch between funds. For Lynch and Rothchild, “trying to catch the winner is a fool’s errand in which you are likely to end up with a loser. You’re better off picking a fund with an excellent long-term record and sticking with it.”

Take the fees into account. Some funds charge an entry fee; others don’t. Also, some funds keep their expenses to a minimum (1%) and others run a bigger tab (2% or more). The bigger these fees, the more difficult for the fund to beat the market averages, because fees and expenses are subtracted from the performance.

Picking a stock: the five basic methods

For Lynch and Rothchild in “Learn to earn” — as the former has repeatedly made clear — the phrase “professional investing” is nothing short of an oxymoron. When it comes to investing, they claim, the only guy you should be listening to is you. “If you have time and the inclination,” they write, “you can embark on a thrilling lifetime adventure: picking your own stocks. This is a lot more work than investing in a mutual fund, but you can derive a great deal of satisfaction from picking your own stocks. Over time, perhaps you’ll do better than most of the funds.”

There are five basic methods people use to pick a stock:

Darts. This is the lowest and most ridiculous form of stock-picking. Needless to say, Lady Luck won’t be on your side every time. So, better go with mutual funds if you don’t plan to put in the work and effort.

Hot tips. Whether they come from your best friend, your teacher or from your gardener, hot tips are often based on “nothing but hot air.” At worst, they are guaranteed to lose you money; at best — when they come from a good source — they are a good place to start your investigation.

Educated tips. Educated tips are hot tips coming from TV or internet experts. The problem with them is that — unless you follow the expert daily — you won’t know if and when they’ll change their mind. So, you might end up holding a stock long after the expert has sold it.

The broker’s buy list. Stockbrokers are “well-trained Sherlocks” and their buy lists are based on evidence. Moreover, unlike TV experts, they will inform you if they change their mind about a certain stock. However, they cost money.

Doing your own research. “This is the highest form of stock-picking,” write Lynch and Rothchild. “You choose the stock because you like the company, and you like the company because you’ve studied it inside and out.” With enough research, anyone can make an educated guess. Why shouldn’t that someone be you instead of a Wall Street trader?

Conclusion

Written for beginner investors of all ages — with Burton Malkiel’s “A Random Walk Down Wall Street” — Peter Lynch’s “Learn to Earn” is one of the best introductions to investing ever published. If you are a teenager who doesn’t know anything about stocks, this is the book for you.

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[voreheez]

Contest ends TONIGHT @ 11:59:59PM!!!!!!!!! (No exceptions!)!!!! BE CREATIVE!!!!!! Atlanta artist #Heez (f.k.a. #Voreheez), on the heels of the success of his previous singles ("BankRoll", "Walked In With The Sauce", etc.) got in the lab with Platinum Producer @jreidtheproducer (Nicki Minaj "Chun Li" & "Barbie Tingz", Boosie, Zonnique, Lloyd, etc.); to cook up his latest single "Count It". He is turning to social media to propel the record to the next level thru his #CountItChallenge; which gives fans & fellow creatives the opportunity to win $200. For more details on participating, click the link in the bio. (at Hyatt Regency Savannah) https://www.instagram.com/p/CCOO_uznxyO/?igshid=sd366f7kj6fe