#banana wants to create a stage where there is no pain or suffering at the cost of stagnancy. homura makes a promise that madoka

[s-aint-elmo]

the "girls seeking an impossible wish trapped in a system that twists them into hollow shells of grief and resentment used by other girls to fuel their own desperate struggle" pipeline is multiversal

(ID and additional context in alt text)

[blouisparadise]

Upon request, here is a rec list of bottom Louis fics where Louis is pining for Harry. We hope you’ll enjoy this list. We also have a mutual pining rec list here and we will have a pining Harry rec list eventually. Happy reading!

1) Down On Your Knees, You Don’t Look So Tall | Explicit | 3445 words

Louis and Harry are friends, and best ones at that. Louis loves Harry more fiercely more than he's ever loved anyone, so he doesn't really have a problem with it when they start doing this thing. this wonderful, wonderful thing.

2) You Had Me At Hello | Explicit | 4529 words

Louis works in the shop next to Harry's cupcake shop.   Louis pines after Harry until he goes into a heat and Harry finally catches up.

3) Just Like Live Wires | Explicit | 5427 words

Harry climbs into Louis’ bed when he’s cold. Louis pines.

4) Something To Live For | Mature | 5535 words

After over a century of waiting for Harry to realize they're mates,  Louis gets his heart broken when his friend announces he's found his 'one' in a human girl named Teresa. Wanting only happiness for Harry, Louis accepts that it just wasn't meant to be and decides it's time to let go of the immortal life.

5) Five Times Harry Styles Was Jealous | Mature | 6184 words

Harry's jealous all the time but there were five times that definitely stand out. Five times that changed Louis and Harry's relationship.

6) On My Mind All The Time, Say You're Mine | Explicit | 9261 words

“Dude, we’re inside, and it’s night time. Those don’t look as cool as you think they do.” Louis could kick himself, he sounded so stupid, but it certainly got the guy’s attention.

It was at that unfortunate moment that he noticed several other things about this hot asshole, that he hadn’t noticed just staring from afar. First, when Louis spoke to him, his gaze was kind of unfocused behind his sunglasses, and secondly, that he had a red and white cane folded up under his arm.

“I’m… Blind,” the man chuckled, awkwardly.  

Louis wanted to melt into a puddle out of pure embarrassment.

“I— am so sorry. I have to go.”

“Hey, wait, wait,” the man soothed, grabbing at Louis’ shoulders before he could get away.

“I’m sorry,” Louis repeated, looking down at his shoes.

“It’s alright,” He cackled. “I get it a lot. More than you know.”

7) Let The Beating Waves Come Drag Me Down | Explicit | 9447 words

“Just try it, the worst thing that could ever happen it’s that you won’t like it” Niall had told him. And there he was, on the way to one of these pubs created for perverts, willing to break up the routine to try something new, something that terrified as much as excited him.

One night to get swept up in passion, one night to let the devil get in.

"Tonight, I’m going to make you scream of ecstasy Louis,” he said with a raspy voice full of control, making him tremble with anticipation.

8) Got It Right Such A Long Time Ago | Explicit | 9699

There are a lot of people Harry might expect to find on his doorstep at three o’clock in the afternoon these days.

It could be the delivery man, come to drop off the pair of boots Harry impulsively ordered online last week. It could be one of his neighbors, dropping by to complain about how a party he’d thrown weeks ago had clogged up the street. It could also be any number of his friends in L.A., who stop by unannounced most days to mooch off Harry’s food or whisk him away to try some new yogurt shop.

As a rule, it definitely cannot be Louis Tomlinson, although Harry’s blinked at least three times now, and it’s still Louis standing there, a backpack slung over his shoulder and a duffel bag at his feet.

9) You Know What They Say | Explicit | 10232 words

Nice guys always finish last.

10) Call If You Need Me | Explicit | 10770 words

If anyone asks later on, Louis plans to tell them that it’s all Niall’s fault.

11) Love Is Like This; Not A Heartbeat, But A Moan | Explicit | 13150 words

Note: This fic is locked and can only be read by AO3 users.

In which Harry loves Louis, but Louis has been cold to him ever since he presented as an omega at age fifteen.

Eight years later, Louis approaches Harry with a request, and who is Harry to deny him?

12) Just Let Me | Mature | 14714 words

The party was going well. So well, Niall had already sworn undying love to one multi-tiered chocolate cake, two friendly corgi-poodle mixes, Zayn’s hair, and the entire population of Los Angeles. So well, Zayn had only laughed and ruffled Niall’s hair and not even twitched towards a cigarette. So well, nearly everyone had spilled far past the boundaries of the night’s original plans, extracting bottles of vodka from the cabinets and losing a lot of clothes. Harry had proclaimed that he was finally going to throw a small and very grownup dinner party and of course here they were three hours later, fifty people half-naked in the pool. Soon to be full-naked, if Louis had to guess. Everybody in LA loved a heated pool. Everybody loved Harry.

13) We’re the New Romantics | Explicit | 16054 words

Alternatively, a high school au where Louis pines and Harry is not who he seems to be. Featuring peanut butter banana milkshakes, motorcycles, and first times.

14) Wait For Me (To Come Home) | Explicit | 16066 words

A future fic of time stamps where Louis finally comes to grips with a love he'd denied for too long.

15) Deflower Me | Explicit | 20154 words

Louis is a proud virgin, and no matter how much society tries to make him feel like a freak for not acting on his natural urges, he doesn't suffer from his lack of experience. He has never felt drawn to someone in a way that made him want to get involved sexually with them, and he isn't planning on rushing himself so he can get some because people think it's what he should do.

In walks Fratboy, the Serial Haunter of His (wet) Dreams, who thankfully has a little business going on that might be just what Louis needs.

16) I Wanna Be More Than Friends | Not Rated | 20721 words

The one where Harry’s an alpha with no sense of smell, Louis’ an omega who isn’t allowed to scent his best friend, and that’s all they’ll ever be. Obviously.

17) The Way The Storm Blows | Explicit | 21649 words

Louis doesn’t have a habit of thinking about Harry’s dick.

That would be weird, seeing as they’re best mates, and they share a flat, and they’ve spent holidays at each other’s family homes. Their friendship hasn’t ever risen to a point where Louis should want to see his mate’s dick, and he’s happy to keep it that way.

Except, all that Louis can think about is exactly that. The size of it. The shape. The amount of people it’s been in.

Maybe it’s the tequila talking, or the fact that Louis’ just recently walked in to an eyeful of Harry taking turns on some slags that he’s never seen before, but. Louis’ mind can’t stop obsessing over the idea.

18) Ours Are The Moments I Play In The Dark | Mature | 30830 words

Jane Austen's Persuasion AU. Nine years ago Louis Tomlinson was persuaded to break off his engagement to Harry Styles, a poor sailor. Since then Louis has come to regret being so easily convinced to give up his one chance of happiness. Now Louis' family is in debt and his childhood home is being sold. In a complete reversal of fortune, Harry has returned to England a wealthy bachelor looking to settle down. Events conspire to bring them together once more though Louis is- must surely be- the last man on earth that Captain Styles would think of now.

19) If Ignorance Be Bliss | Mature | 30429 words

Uni AU: Harry is too experienced, and Louis just wants to get to experience him.

20) Where The Lights Are Beautiful | Mature | 31170 words

The accidental bonding a/b/o fic.

21) Mark My Word (We Gon’ Be Alright) | Explicit | 35524 words

"He’s always known that there would come a time when Harry would bond with some beautiful, quiet omega, and they would have lots of curly-haired pups and live happily ever after.

Knowing it and living it are two very different things, though. Watching the object of your affection desperately search for a mate and completely disregard you as an option is all sorts of painful, but it is what it is, and Louis is just going to have to learn to live with that."

22) Before We Knew | Explicit | 39831 words

Louis has been skeptical of soulmates for years so it seems like fate when he finally bumps into the owner of the obnoxiously large signature printed into his skin since age sixteen: Harry Styles, a human rights attorney who is firmly against soulmates.

23) Eyes Off You I Explicit | 39396 words

A Charlie’s Angels inspired fic where Louis is the brains, Harry is the charm, Liam is the muscle, and Niall drives the getaway car - and Zayn is there, too. sometimes.

24) Kiss Me On The Mouth And Set Me Free (Nut Please Don't Bite) | Mature | 42074 words

Harry is the CEO of Flora Corp, Louis is his new secretary.

"...Louis wanted him so badly. Wanted Harry to pick him up, bite him, and break him. Make Louis his, make Louis cry, make Louis a beautiful, plump, pregnant omega..."

25) Let Me Touch You Where Your Heart Aches | Explicit | 46625 words

A Friends with Benefits AU, in which Louis falls in love and Harry is jealous. There is some Karaoke singing somewhere in there, because how do you write a romantic comedy without a Karaoke scene?

26) Underneath The Moon | Mature | 46927 words

In five years’ time, Louis would be the one saying to his students about how he knew the great Harry Styles, in a time before he had ever put out an album or performed on a real stage. Harry fucking Styles had been his best friend and he still loved him, he always would. But they couldn’t stay that way.

27) The Sidelines | Explicit | 47078 words

Note: There are mentions of Top Louis.

Or Harry and Louis play hockey for Penn state and can’t stand one another, since they can’t keep their hatred off the ice their coach and team do what they can to keep their hard earned spot in the playoffs and their two star players from killing each other.

28) Waiting For The Tides To Meet | Explicit | 59873 words

Soulmate AU. Everyone is born with heterochromia — one eye is their own eye colour, while the other is the colour of their soulmate's. It's only when they meet their soulmate for the first time that their own eyes match properly. After a hazy night at a frat party, Louis wakes up to blue eyes and the shocking realization that he had met his soulmate, without any sober recollection. Seven years pass where Louis comes to terms with the fact that he'll never know who his soulmate is. Then one fated summer, a beautiful green-eyed photographer arrives at Louis' workplace, with promises of endless laughter and a familiar feeling in Louis' heart.

29) Pinkies Never Lie | Explicit | 83615 words | Sequel

AU in which Louis hates his job and loves Harry, Harry just wants a distraction, everyone else wants them to get their shit together, and Louis learns the hard way that new beginnings are only possible when something ends.

30) Inevitable | Explicit | 185917 words

AU where Louis and Harry used to be more than friends, but everything had to change the day Harry introduces Louis to his new girlfriend.

Check out our other fic rec lists by category here and by title here.

[cosmicjoke]

Further commentary on the ending of Banana Fish (Spoilers):

Look, I understand the controversy and upset surrounding the ending of Banana Fish.  My last post on this topic seems to have pissed some people off, which was never my intention.  But I think maybe I could have worded things a bit better, so I’m going to try again to explain why I feel like the ending of Banana Fish was so perfect.

It’s not a happy ending, and I don’t think anyone, anywhere, will try to tell you that the ending was meant to make anyone happy, or satisfied.  That’s the point.  It’s not MEANT to please the reader.  It’s meant to remain true to its narrative realism.  And in that realism, it’s meant to break the readers heart.  And boy does it do both.

I don’t think anyone would tell you, anyone with any ounce of feeling in their heart, anyway, that Ash didn’t deserve a happy ending, or that he deserved to die after all the awful shit he went through.  I think we can all agree that we would have wanted, if we had a choice, to see Ash have a happy, hopeful ending with Eiji in Japan.  We all agree that Ash DESERVED a happy ending, because he was a good person who was dealt about the shittiest hand in life a person can have.  And despite all that shit, he retained that innate goodness of heart that made him who he was.  He never became a monster, like the people who used him up and abused him over and over again.  That’s what makes him such an extraordinary character that’s deeply loved by so many people. He absolutely deserved to be happy.

But that’s the thing. Banana Fish is a story that deals in reality.  Everything that happens in the story, despite the often extraordinary, larger than life circumstances, is dealt with in a way that is, very often, brutally, painfully honest and realistic.  It doesn’t give us what should be, it gives us what IS.  And that makes perfect sense in accordance with its relation to writers like Hemingway and Salinger.  They wrote stories that dealt in brutal honesty and reality too, and both writers are referenced throughout Banana Fish.  And it’s Banana Fish’s commitment to that brutal honesty and reality that makes it an authentic piece of art.  People want a fairy tale ending, where Ash gets to ride off into the sunset with Eiji and live happily ever after, but at no point in Banana Fish are we given any indication that the story is, at any point, going to delve into the realm of unreality and fantasy, and give us such an ending.  To do so would have been a betrayal of the genuine nature of the narrative. It would have ultimately robbed it of its authenticity as a piece of art, and the story, as a result, would have been left hollow and lacking.  

Banana Fish, throughout its narrative, shows us that terrible things happen to good people, and that good people are often forced into doing terrible things.  It never shy’s away from that cruel, heartbreaking reality, and the ending is no exception.  

It affects us so deeply, and leaves us so upset, because it’s so REAL.  It feels genuine to us, it feels real, because it refuses to betray its honesty for the sake of a happy fantasy.  It remains loyal to the harsh truth of reality, and the harsh truth of Ash’s reality in particular.  Ash is a deeply damaged, broken person, who’s experiences in life are the very definition of cruelty.  Here is a boy who, since the age of seven, has experienced sexual, mental, emotional and physical abuse repeatedly and on a scale truly unfathomable to almost all of us. A boy who was forced into a life of prostitution in order to simply survive on the harsh streets of an unforgiving city.  A boy who, again out of a necessity for survival, has had to kill other human beings. A boy who, out of a desperate situation in which he was forced to choose either to save his soulmate or watch him be murdered by his best friend gone berserk in a mad, drug induced insanity, had to kill his best friend by shooting him straight through the heart.  A boy who, each time in his life that he’s tried to build real and meaningful relationships with other people, Griffin, the girl he liked when he was 14, Skip, Shorter, Eiji, he’s had to watch those people he allowed himself to grow close to either die or almost die, over and over again.  All of that combined creates a level of trauma that’s so far beyond the normal scope or understanding of a regular human being, so far beyond any discernable mechanism for coping with trauma, that to expect Ash to just get over it, for it all to magically be okay just because he moves to Japan with Eiji, is the height of unrealistic, and, again, would be a betrayal of the authenticity the story marries itself to from start to finish.  

Ash’s death is a tragedy, as his life was a tragedy, and the story is a reflection of that.  It stays true to that narrative, and never compromises on it.  That’s the point.  Life doesn’t always have a happy ending.  People that have suffered severe, irreversible trauma don’t always recover, and can’t always heal from it.  People who have suffered in the obscene and brutal ways that Ash has aren’t always going to be alright.  Sometimes it’s just too much.  For Ash, it was just too much.  Too much damage.  Too much heartache.  Too much pain.  Too much loss.  Sometimes we can’t overcome our damage, and that reality presented in this story scares people, I think, because it’s so nakedly honest and unapologetically expressed.

The ending is so god awful painful too because we see, in that moment after Ash reads Eiji’s letter, hope bloom inside him.  For an instant, this belief that maybe he can have a happy ending, when he thinks he’ll catch Eiji at the airport, and maybe go with him.  And in the next instant, he’s mercilessly reminded of that hope’s falsity. Hope springs eternal, but not always true.  Hope and happiness were never meant for Ash.  The chance for that was taken from him before he could even understand what those concepts were.  The thematic arc of the story was telling us from the start that it was going to end in tragedy.

People weren’t meant to LIKE this ending.  It wasn’t meant to make them feel good, or okay with what happened, or fulfilled.  In fact, I’d say, it’s meant to make you feel completely devastated.  As the story reflects reality, so often too does real life end in a way that leaves us feeling lost and confused and heartbroken.  Banana Fish is so good because it stays true to that sense of reality, right until the very end.

The ending doesn’t leave us feeling happy, but it sure does leave us FEELING.  Like any real piece of art would.  The emotions it conjures are immense and, for some I guess, too real. That sense of loss and hopelessness and pain it leaves us with is so effective because, again, it’s so honest. And I guess that because those emotions are so real, and felt so deeply, and with such intensity, it leaves some readers and viewers feeling angry.  Lashing out at a reality which they don’t want to accept.  The irony, of course, is that their hatred and rejection of the ending is testament to just how deeply the ending touched them.  It didn’t leave them feeling nothing, it left them feeling too much, and they then go into a state of denial, which is really just a stage of grief.  A refusal to accept.  You know Banana Fish is a true piece of art for that, in how it conjures sincere feelings of grief and mourning in us for its lead character in Ash.  We CARE about him, deeply.  We want him to be alright, because we love him.

But real art isn’t concerned with placation.  It’s concerned with truth.  So many great pieces of literature have unhappy endings, because that’s the truth of the human condition, and the condition of life in general.  Real art won’t shy away from those painful, awful truths, nor is it afraid to conjure the feelings which go hand in hand with those truths in its audience.  

With all that said, the tragedy of the ending doesn’t demand a feeling of meaninglessness or desolation at all.

Eiji’s love for Ash and Ash’s love for Eiji is still so pivotal and, ultimately, essential in how the story ends.  It’s what allows, maybe not a feeling of hope, but a feeling of peace.

You sense throughout the story that Ash knows he’s going to die.  Like he senses that his life is too fucked up, that he’s been through and had to do too many horrible things for it to last very long.  It’s like the saying of he who burns brightest burns twice as fast.  Ash is burning, and he knows it.  He’s already accepted it as an inevitable conclusion.  He doesn’t actively seek death, but he doesn’t fear, nor fight against it.  At points throughout the story, even, he asks for it, when the horror of what’s happening to him becomes too much.  He knows death is coming for him.  The only thing keeping him from giving in so easily I think is his lack of agency in how he will.  Everything has been taken from Ash, and he doesn’t want to give this last thing away. This choice in how he dies.

Eiji’s love is what finally gives him agency in that decision.

Ash died knowing Eiji loved him, and that knowledge, that certainty that he was loved, genuinely loved by another human being, without any strings or conditions attached, simply loved for himself alone, is what allowed Ash to finally find the peace in death which alluded him in life.  He no longer feels like he has to keep fighting, or struggling on through an endless malaise of misery and pain, because he’s finally found the calm and acceptance which comes with knowing he has this one, pure thing for himself, which nobody, none of his abusers, can ever touch or take away.  With everything else that’s been stolen from Ash, his innocence, his sense of agency, his own body, his own mind, Eiji’s love for him is the one thing nobody could ever steal away.  And that’s, I think, why Ash dies smiling, because it’s that knowledge, that he was worthy of another human being’s true love, that at last shows him that he was a human being himself.  Not an animal.  Not a monster.  He was a human being worthy of love.

Ash’s death is heartbreaking, and brutal, but there’s deep consolation to be had in knowing he spent his final moments with the feeling of Eiji’s love for him alive inside his heart, allowing him at last to feel like a person deserving, worthy of love.

It’s that which allows Ash to finally let go of his struggle, and let’s death’s embrace take hold of him.  It’s his own. Eiji’s love, and his choice to let go of life.

It doesn’t make the ending any less heart wrenching or brutal.  It doesn’t make us any less devastated by Ash’s death.  But it gives us a sense of peace, in knowing, even if we are left feeling lost and heartbroken, Ash himself left life with the fulfillment of knowing he was loved.

[grandducktale]

“All Yet Seems Well” - Game of Thrones, Dexter, YGO, and the legitimately troubling trend and implication of “the problem play’s” re-emergence in pop culture

So first off, spoilers, naturally. Gonna be talking tragedy here. Also, cringe warning. I’m going to use mostly anime here. Kid cartoons, even.  But there’s a point to all this. If you were fans of Dexter or the television series “Game of Thrones”, any show that had more than anything an “unsatisfying finale” you might be able to pick up what I’m putting down.

What is a tragedy? The definitions vary, but it is a troubling or melancholic story with an unhappy ending. 

A Tragic Hero is easy enough to define. Hamlet from Hamlet, and Spike Spiegel from Cowboy Bebop. These two men are tragic because they pass away, and are unable to fully protect what they hold dear. But... I wouldn’t say they’re truly tragic. Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t want to be either of them, but Spike Spiegal and Hamlet do to an extent accomplish some of their goals, and go out in a blaze of glory, score a moral victory, something.

(Pictured Above: Spike saying “Bang” as he bleeds out after killing his nemesis and destroying half a criminal empire in a wild one man blaze of glory)

This post is not about those characters. This post is not even about tragedy, necessary. This post is about problems. Problem plots, problem characters, and problematic implications. The title of this post is “All Yet Seems Well”, because the shows and the characters I am about to discuss are highly reminiscient of Shakespeare’s “Problem Plays.”

To start, let me bring up the character of Shouzu Hiiragi from Yu-Gi-Oh Arc-V(a cartoon about children playing competitive card games Konami makes to sell trading cards). Arc-V is basically the “problem play” of YGO, if said play had a caged gorilla break out and steal the spotlight for the last third of the performance. “Problem Play” is a vernacular used to refer to three of Shakespeare’s plays that couldn’t quite be pegged into tragedy or comedy, that provoked discussion either about the plot’s structure, the means used to resolve the problem, or both. For those not even slightly into Shakespeare, I’ve always viewed the operetta The Yeomen of the Guard as Gilbert and Sullivan’s “Problem Play”, so to speak, though Yeomen might as well be a straight up tragedy relative to Gilbert and Sullivan’s other works. 

But what makes a “Problem Play” a “problem play”, precisely? Well, since we’re talking about YGO Arc-V, lets go to Act V of one of Shakespeare’s “Problem Plays”, All’s Well That Ends Well. Act V, scene three, to be precise. 

King: Let us from point to point this story know, To make the even truth in pleasure flow: If thou beest yet a fresh uncropped flower, Choose thou thy husband, and Ile pay thy dower. For I can guesse, that by thy honest ayde, Thou keptst a wife her selfe, thy selfe a Maide. Of that and all the progresse more and lesse, Resoluedly more leasure shall expresse: All yet seemes well, and if it end so meete, The bitter past, more welcome is the sweet.

So to understand the “problem” with the above(besides finding a more contemporary translation and supplementing that with sparknotes, tvtropes, and google), one must understand the gist of the plot of “All’s Well That Ends Well.”

Basically, the protagonist of the play, a common girl by the name of Helena, has just prevailed in her desire to marry the love of her life, the highborne Ward of France, Bertram. The audience and the reader should in theory rejoice in such a moment. Helena was given the ability to choose her husband as a reward for saving the ill King, and though she picked Bertram and stipulated that he did not have to marry her, and though Bertram did not directly reject her but instead provided her with two nigh impossible tasks that required guile, intelligence, and strength to prevail, something just seems off. (Perhaps this is why the King says “All Yet Seems Well)

What is it that is off? Is it that Helena was for whatever reason the only one in France capable of curing the King? Is it that for someone as skilled and cunning  as Helena, telling Bertram he doesn’t have to marry her is pointless? Is it Bertram’s own psychological manipulation, to the point that even if these two people married and truly did love each other, that their happiness is a righteous person’s misery? That doubt, that uncertainty, the vague feeling that runs contrary to the overt, happy plot is what makes up a “Problem Play.” 

Shozu Hiiragi is tragic not because of a vague sense of malice or villainy inherent in his character like Helena. No, in fact, he is an authentic version of the “Noble Commoner” facade that makes Helena so problematic. YGO Arc-V is about a kid named Yuya trying to make it as an entertainer after his father left him at a very young age, vanishing into thin air. Yuya was bullied severely, and his father was supportive and this larger than life figure. Naturally, his abrupt disappearance was a traumatic event for Yuya.

Yuya compensates for this disappearance and his past by playing Pagliacci, a sad clown. The Pagliacci thing aside, the show makes it quite clear in the first three episodes that Yuya holds on so tightly to his identity as an entertainer because of the absence created by his father’s disappearance

Now before I get to Shouzu Hiiragi, I have to talk about Yuzu.  Yuya’s childhood friend and sweetheart is a girl named Yuzu Hiiragi. 

Shouzou Hiiragi is a lifetime friend and operator of Yushou’s entertainer school.  To summarize without being too spoilery, the audience eventually finds out that both Yuya and Yuzu are alot more important than they seem, and that they sort of just... appeared one day as babies. This is where Shouzu starts to become tragic, since we learn that not only did he raise a child that wasn’t his, he did so as a single father

 So Shouzu was second banana to Yushou, but he was an entertainer of some renown. He gave it up so he could raise his adopted child, and later on, act as the operator of “You-Show Duel School”, a school named after Yusho but ran by Shouzu since Yushou disappeared.

Now there’s a lot of issues with Arc-V. A lot, a lot, a lot, a lot. I am focusing on Shouzu but there’s so much to talk about with how this series has a lot of problems that its tone clashes far too hard with. But I’ll show a meme image out of context for the heck of it. 

I focus on Shouzu because he is the legitimate avenue towards Yuya and the show’s main conflict of balancing entertainment with legitimate hurt, dangerous conflict, and immense suffering and pain. He is a man who does good and puts his ambition aside out of alturism to start, but more than that, he is a genuine father figure to Yuya despite all that is on his plate. 

Like his costume of flame suggests, Shouzu is hot-blooded and passionate. As the plot progresses, Yuya struggles with doing what is right, being a good entertainer, preserving his father’s legacy, and a whole bunch of things. The advice of his father, Yusho, and the advice of his mother, Yoko, is to “smile when he feels like crying” 

This advice isn’t bad, but it is a crutch and a mantra for Yuya, one the direction of the show itself portrays as unhealthy and stunted. (When Yuya cries, he tends to wear his goggles so as to not let it show). So let’s analyze a sequence near the beginning of Arc-V’s 140+ episode. Yuya had obtained a special power like any Campbell Hero, but his rival, Reiji Akaba managed to copy said power in a duel against him(Which Yuya won, anyways albeit due to Reiji having bigger things to deal with)

Being bullied and having a traumatic past, then obtaining a special power unique to him that allows him to win duels, and then LOSING that special power, gets to Yuya a lot, even if he is plenty competent as a duelist.

So he runs away in tears.

Shozou hits Yuya with some facts about how naturally, if a technique or special ability in a game was discovered that gave someone an edge, it would only be a matter of time before other competitors used it too. But Shouzou then challenges Yuya to a duel, and instead of telling him to smile instead of cry, instead re-frames Yuya’s situation of losing his unique ability in a postive and constructive manner

A lot goes on in Arc-V, but the pendulum that Yuya swings back and forth on is the legacy of his father and becoming his own person. Shozou, who is Yuya’s de facto father, provides a path towards the latter. 

But... to make a long story short, Shozou is forgotten about. Yuya keeps chasing after his father, and the lesson he learned from Shozou is forgotten. Arc-V, which if you haven’t been able to tell from my essay on the main character’s girlfriend’s dad has an amazing ensemble cast, and spends 50 episodes developing these great ensemble characters.

But in the next 50 episodes, the ensemble characters fade into the background, and Yuya takes center stage only to repeatedly just smile and want to be like his father.

And in the last 50 episodes, the show gets downright mean spirited. A likable ninja character that has the design of a generic henchmen is killed off unceremoniously, an unlikable legacy character manages to shrug off that fate with ease. 

All the while, the show keeps this upbeat tone of optimism and Yuya triumphing.

And Yuya does triumph, he does save the day, but it’s all wrong. 

I am only skimming the surface here, but the reaction I saw and was invoked in me about Arc-V’s ending was the same reaction I saw with Game of Thrones’s ending.

Something along the lines of “I don’t mind a bad ending, so long as it is tonally consistent and not a confused mess!” 

Were this sentiment unique to Arc-V that’d be it. But it is applies to the end of Game of Thrones, Dexter, Netflix’s Watchmen, damn near EVERYTHING that was popular this past decade. This trend of something having a strong beginning and then fading into tonal nonsense, to the point that the viewers either speculate on finding the “true” “hidden” meaning of a piece

, or worse yet, an active desire for a bad or evil ending, so long as that evil at least makes sense

So I have a bad feeling about all of this. Not just because a series I liked went down the toilet, but because, well, remove all these other mainstream series with promising beginnings that nosedove into the ground and crashed and burned, and what’s the most recent universally acclaimed show left?

That’s it. Breaking Bad. A nihilistic story of personal triumph at the destruction of everything else. Which has its place. But with Arc-V, with Game of Thrones, with all these shows, I see a trend of the absurd entering and ruining a show, which leaves people craving order, even if that order is horrible.

I mentioned Gilbert and Sullivan before, so I’ll end this rambling essay with a quote from a song  from the Mikado that was allegedly almost cut from it.

“ My object all sublime I shall achieve in time — To let the punishment fit the crime — The punishment fit the crime; And make each prisoner pent Unwillingly represent A source of innocent merriment! Of innocent merriment!”

The Mikado is a tale about the absurd and chaotic, the same absurdity that seems to be turning audiences to darker, more orderly, things. But the Mikado showcases both the trouble of the absurd, and the genuine opportunity and chance for grace the absurd provides. 

In my opinion, Problem Play Plots are actually tragedies more tragic than regular tragedies. Borderline horror, even. They bring up problems, and the easiest solution to those problems seems to be that of tragic selfish scheming. But perhaps that needn’t actually be the case. That a benevolent and convincing solution to these problem plots exist - one people can accept, and be inspired by, in a good way. 

And if that can’t be done, if the trauma and chaos of these shows serves no point, then the Gordian Knot of problem play plots must be cut. The damage they have done must be acknowledged, the mystery boxes resolved or done away with entirely.

[emeraldeyes23]

My Banana Fish fanfic

Happy ending fanfic - Banana Fish

Another Missed Flight- chapter 1:

Diversion: Stage 1 - Escaping from the airport

He didn't know what had happened to Ash while he was in the hospital, but he knew that he would blame himself for letting I him get injured during the sudden attack. That must also be the reason why he hadn't come to the airport to see him off. He always thought he only put Eiji in danger and that Eiji would never be safe as long as he would be by Ash's side. It was Ash's way to protect him and to make sure that he was safe by not seeing Eiji off himself. Eiji knew that even though no one else apparently did.

But he still couldn't shake the feeling that something bad would happen. But what could he even do? Being tied to a wheel chair he couldn't just leave the airport, go back to Manhattan and look for Ash. Ibe and Max would stop him and as powerless as he was he couldn't do a thing anyway. Ash said he knew how to fly but now he couldn't even walk properly, let alone run. Damn! If he were able to do that he would've already left by now even if he 'd miss another flight. By now he must be on the Japan Air missing flights most wanted watch list or something.

Just when he was about to drown in self-pity he saw Sing walking towards him. But something wasn't right, Eiji noticed right away. Sing tried to hide it but unlike Ash he's never been good at concealing his true emotions.

"What happened? Did you meet Ash? Did you give him my letter?", Eiji asked.

"Yes, don't worry, I met up with him and gave him your letter. Everything's fine."

"You're a lousy liar. Tell me what's wrong. Now, Sing!"

Sing sighed. "Well, I gave Ash your letter and asked him why the hell he wasn't coming to see you off himself. He just said he wanted you to return to your world far away from all the weapons and the violence. He said he wasn't going to see you because he was your friend. But it wasn't the Ash I knew, it was as if he had given up and nothing mattered to him anymore. His whole body was trembling really hard and even I could hear the pain in his voice. It scared the shit out of me, I've never seen him like that.

It's just ... I don't know... I just have a bad feeling, you know?"

"I know what you mean. And I knew that Ash probably wouldn't come. It's his way of protecting me. He thinks it's safer for me without him being here. However, I have the very same feeling. But how am I supposed to leave here? Don't you see the pathetic state I'm in? How can I help you? I can't even walk!", Eiji said in a painstricken voice.

"My motorcycle is parked just outside. The only thing you have to do is hold on to me. Are you ready to get into some more trouble for our favorite bad boy?" he said grinning mischievously.

"That made Eiji actually smile for the first time in days. "But what about Ibe and Max? There's no way they let me go with you!"

"I'll explain the situation to Ash's gang standing over there and ask them to create a diversion for us."

"Ok, then, but that has to be a pretty good one if you want to fool Max. He's pretty observant and clever."

"That's where you come in. You have to distract Ibe and Max by talking to them, ok? Just engage them in a conversation for 5 minutes and draw their attention to you. After that pretend you want to look around at the book store and when I give you a sign meet me at the entrance where you'll ditch that wheelchair for a really cool motorcycle.", he said, a wicked grin on his face.

"All right, Eiji said a smile lighting up his face. Let's pull one last crazy and unforgettable stunt together!"

Well, here goes nothing. Eiji really hoped he could pull this off.

He drove his wheel chair over to Ibe and Max and after some small talk about Jessica and his son he asked Max if he knew what had happened to Ash and the others while he was in the hospital. He had a feeling that Ibe hadn't told him the whole story since he had still been recovering and hadn't wanted him to get upset.

Realizing Eiji couldn't pull a crazy stunt while sitting in a wheelchair, Max told him what he knew: that Foxx had shot Dino and had fought against a still injured Ash and that Foxx had been killed by Dino in the end who then had fallen down the building and had died as well. He also told him how Blanca had shot down the helicopter that was supposed to be Foxx's means of escape and that Ash had saved Sing but had lost the suitcase full of evidence concerning the Banana Fish incidents by doing so.

Eiji was shocked. He really couldn't believe that he missed so much and that Ash had been this close to dying again without him even knowing it. Why was he always suffering this much? Now he was even more determined to go see him again but to do that he had to stay calm and behave according to plan. So after some more talking he told both of them that he wanted to go to the book store to look for some English books for the flight.

They bought his lie easily which made him wonder when he learned to lie like that. Ash must really have rubbed off on him.

When Sing gave him the sign he drove to the entrance around the corner while at the same time something was exploding at the other side and an alarm was going off. Before Eiji knew what had happened on the other side both of them sat on Sing's motorcycle driving downtown as fast as possible.

[restlessmuseum]

nomen amen (or “paraphernalia”: back by popular demand)

                                    (where books compete for space with pottery)

We were already halfway through interminability. Away all redundancy of deficiency from the page, the tear from the past to mend us about to rampage. This far we had not said anything good but perfection required, in tone and content, inexplicable. (1) I found the crux in the posture to device, like an impostor happens in his tender, (2) a damage done like the wrapping paper of a ducked present. (3) Under the stance of unison, the shallower I read between the lines the further I'm improved from the time of my oversight, (4) the unison becomes the sound she phews down to my very being, like but the rest I forgot about... Sorry, got it wrong. Actually, I wanted to continue this something started spreads ago, but the prose screeches and cackles around its ineliminable inexactitude. I really don't feel like resuming anymore, or should I say, I'm done boggedly running after the end of my premises. Yes something happened, something to investigate in a whole other direction. So, gonna take all, this will be the first part. I wish I could express revolutionary philosophisms, I thought I could be a poet because I'm unable to be an essayist and a novelist. I'm not good at public speaking. I entered Tumblr to be found by publishers and make money: I had a system of truths and truly nothing else to say. Besides, what did this idea of klein Lebensdarbietung mean? Is the text doing its characters or are these ones setting out their own words? Text's abolition of today, which is nothing but "the sentences already written, the sentences that people say, the sentences yet to write; verses, words, spacings, texts' dissemination, whatever you want, about the purely sign-linguistic-textual" (cit.) verbatim et literatim, and here is another example of my strugglings to go on properly. In any event it is clear that we are moved when required, except the exempts. (5) It is always the most unexpected time to undergo the aha entanglement. In constant foresight I guiltily prepare to hindsee the neglect and with confambulatory prowess I succumb to the development in this underpass of construes. How much do we match with our sounds? — asking myself. In this respect I'm afraid to surprise me onstage like the surrenedered one (and here onpage, ah foolishness, as playwright). But if I leaf compulsively through hundreds of pages, that's to find my words not belonging to me, and the others to fight (me) with. As I am nearing the open conversation, I make up my mind never to read me. Tons of notes, reproaches and scratchpads. Tons of work to do. And I have to get rid of the old adjustments once and for all. (6) Electra the yet-signed. You like the simple words, the ones you recognize already written, the crystalline syllabification that enoculates the wholeness of an order babbling sibyllinity downstream. You carry on with the work of literature: how the body absconds at the risk of space and time with them. Imperfect doubling, mirror images, and repetition in her practice. Topical scratches. Interceptors sought in everyday life — like unspeakables — that she then distorts to create the straight path in reverse. Poetry will not touch her, because poetry is just the unwritten complexity going wrong side along the process of self-becoming, a recent installation, midway between marble and corporal desires in an ascending scale of hardness. (7) Listening to the closest friends, the process of self-becoming could only linger primarily in the sight of aesthetic, then morality, then religious status quo. But friends come always as a closer, blind alley, at the end of tears: a misunderstanding at first, then never read enough. (8) It is often the case that the practice of consensually agreeing to one's own mental performance and self-image by means of meddled languages and lineages may become a genuine bondage of freedom. The restrained partner can derive any drift in the set of possibilities so that we use to say the doing is more important than the outcome. (9) The doing is in uncomfortable or painful positions, for example as a punishment: then, easily it tends to be forgotten, because unforgivable. That's why the effect is the same as a verbal collage, but 1) rips are often behind schedule or on borrowed time, "out of sync with the fade" (cit.) hearth of what seems to be the Pentecostal tongues of fire; and 2) metaphors like "the rope of telephone charades" or "the coils of something wound in the form of a revolution to come is the licking of sugar injury, met since the starting point" are not allowed. "Real me is way more concerned with" (cit.) the Transcaspian line that follows the pattern of a crosswording of the desert. (10) Rather than holding on to me tight I choose to distance myself from what I'm being forced to watch daily. Dies irae dies illa desirable. Without prejudice to this last inescapable point, the first issue represents the Derridean crux of the matter, about which I will be saying something bad in the wrongest moments, since my voice is as effective as my unsuccessful rewrites. I just want, by using the instruction books, the border of this drama, accelerated and hence trespassed in time into ridiculousness, to be experienced as the comedy it is. There is a hour of the wolf and there is a hour the wolf is afraid of. When the time is right I'd like you all to be safe to be spared in my turn from this construction beyond good and better. (11) Here you shine white with noise. "Sonorous cobweb" (cit.) made of only one thread, the unbent line of homeostasis at long last kept in crisis. (12) This narration should have had a different common thread. "And yet", imprint, "it moves" (cit.) as sensible prose. Prose of proses. The dispelled thing, spilled on Tumblr, disseminated. The seedbed: descendants, everspring off, family. The planting postdisposed. All going as planned. (13)   When I know that I don't know where to start a carving, I start a list of synonyms or unyoke a fable from a series of rereadings. What excommunication if you can't subvert the strainer? (14) Once upon a time Electra, beloved only sign of her father, has a brother. Agamemnon possesses the actuality and practicality of the dead: he wants to see water circulate water in laminar rheumatology and freshness sculptures out of tempered air. [director's note: the Argolis' scene isn't even entitled to melt!]. She eats anise candies and unwarmed foods without a problem. She is so lovely when she urinates first thing in the morning, holding the head in her hands, graeaean ownership. Yes, I'm worthy of attending to the offertory on the altar of love. So many congratulations against my behalf that the opposite seems true. (15) "A woman with long hair is not a simple point of view" (cit.). She's got a prompt night's sleep and reasonable. We cling to angelic accidents. We are clung to our soundtrack. (16) Indeed love is not "the panic subsidence onto the body" (cit.) [director's note: can we let the body become finally soaked in real pornography and never mind, here?] but sheer faith for a symbolic subject who's shattered fully loyal. Intermediate sprint of a life midpoint crossroads that lead at the same destination to flee from. (17) Because, as it goes, her staple is such a volitive confidence meaning to me the wait of the powers that created us, the coincidence of both of us makes our skewness on my side of the derangement. Averted word, when addressed. I am a bad Greek at the time of Christianity and a bad Christian on such dysfunctional divertissements. Who knows how ethically important it is today? I retain it, ending up forgetting everything else, and am lookin' very bad. (18) Of course the movement is diminished in certain directions; the style more flattened upon my chosen sickness that we now have no use for, after the setting of the starting stances; I suffer from more severe erections. An acquired kurtosis distributes my monodimensional remarks as the fourth cumulants in order of precedence. Still a lot of exercise to get. Busy like the evermentioned forgettables I'm at that stage where it's difficult for me to even do difficult things. Wrongstaged, I can't compete. I only challenge. (19) Therefore coincident like the two norths of which one is sinking liminal in the perfectly unsaid of your perfect cues. In one fell swoop you pone the part and mastery. And in the next. And the apnea for the answer back. Teeth gouged by the opposite of words in formation for a smile. The winky face par excellence. Here's the real spectator of my vocalized character. I wedge the self with a puny malapropistic idioticon to spread now that I'm a simplex person. As long as I continue to improve in (furtive, it has to be) apprenticeship I'm losing abilities. Old mistakes reappear, no inspiration from mumpsimuses. (20) Where adults flutter, she, disemvowelled and free from frills, spoken by the plural to be inscribed in the Sophoclean, in the Euripidean, in the Hofmannsthalean, in the Yourcenarian script, lost in tv shows and blatant phone calls, is, for me, abused of notations but who am I to denounce such an effusive happiness? There's nothing she can't Netflix. (21) No banana peel on the slope of her singularity — reversible up to a point, interchangeable up to a point, genderbending up to a point from the same side of view. Slotting minims in the same tone as the main characters. That the same out-of-turness is imbricated. (22)

Virtuosity was painlessly flaying the secret from the kids. This is tragedy. We all know what everyone should have said, sorrows come only after. We see each other for sure and too well. Find your trace in the deep of your prompter's heart. Dimmable glow of ancient times. Under guillotine percentages, under curtain at half-mast, under the veils in the dance of the seven veils. What am I trying to say? (23)

In the floodlights' gloom, without changing the rules of the game, exit khorós. With whom would you listen to you speaking? (24) Woods of brightness wherever, it makes me want to expect your coming deaf-handed right therever, the braindomed untrodden order of phrases where roommouths around it are opening. (25) A substratum, but rather as two shadows they finally vest themselves without amendment, and just drag on this semi-detached ward where it just doesn't feel like our theater anymore. So that there may well be the laetum and lethean occurrence of a new polarization. (26) It is no coincidence that here you're always cold and pale. What a cutie! (27) But maybe that's just too much information. Now would be the time to shut up even more. Already being in the manner for that: being at one with the template versus falling back into the patient subjectivity to agency, to make war and to make love with the weapons of the unconditional surrender. The book is that inferring the timbre of each Klagesprache. (28) Like the current situation could return to equilibrium because of an indefinite vocabulary which is still fighting us pressurers. We come across the unilaterality of it every day. Its constitution. (29) But infinity alive doesn't exist. We can approximate it in the endless rummaging and musing. (30) Approximation is worth nothing. We get sick for the words that once beguiled us. The limits of infancy don't set. And now I just -ess the world in voluntary silence nonexperienced. (31) With plex I brux my certainty and centuries. Party time abounds. (32) Clause: applause. (33)

[meetcutemag-blog]

Dream Daddy: A Study In Moving On, Part One

by Monique

Major spoilers ahead!

Unless you’ve been living under a rock for the last month or so, you probably already know about the romantic, dadtastic madness that is Dream Daddy: A Daddy Dating Simulator. For the low price of 15 USD, you too can create a Dadsona (I’m never going to get tired of that term) and be a father to the coolest 18-year-old ever, Amanda. If you play your cards right, you can also be a boyfriend to some of the cutest and dreamiest daddies Maple Bay has to offer.

Without this post getting too review-y, the game itself is absolutely charming and funny and it brings out the paternal instincts in every player. Tumblr and Twitter have taken this game by storm in the best and, unfortunately, the worst ways, but let’s focus on something. It’s a very simple something that everyone seems to be glazing over—the fact that this game is about single dads! For the most part!

Revolutionary, right? Your Dadsona is a grown man with a teenage daughter who’s about to go to college. One Dad in the game has a daughter in her early twenties, but we’ll get to him later. Part of the reason why this game is so refreshing is its explicit inclusion of older, non-heterosexual men. Their ages and sexualities aren’t sugarcoated or treated like a distasteful joke. Furthermore, every relationship isn’t treated like some young adult romance starring angsty teenagers in a wasteland of authoritative adults and oppressive systems. You are an educated adult in this game. Feeding your daughter, putting her through college, drinking alcohol and offering Dad advice—the whole shebang. Some of the choices you make might seem childish, but every route ultimately leads to very grown-up decisions and very mature stories that every player, regardless of their age, should try to understand from an experienced adult’s point of view.

The grown-up decision that drives the game is moving on, whether it be from the loss of a loved one through death or divorce. Your Dadsona isn’t going to stay single forever. You’re still a strapping gentleman with some game left in your system. With Amanda leaving to pursue her dreams, you have some time to scope out the boys and find something you thought you left behind when your spouse died: romance. Everyone deserves another chance at finding love after loss. Sometimes, though, things don’t go according to plan.

Let’s start with Mat, the smooth coffee shop musician who comes up with the best puns for his drinks and baked goods. In the second and third date, you find out that his wife died while their daughter was young. It’s taking him quite some time to pick up the pieces; convincing him to play the piano and perform at the open mic night are touchy tasks that your Dadsona needs to be aware of. Thanks to your ska-filled, Trekkie efforts on the small stage, you bring Mat back into the spotlight and get the crowd going. His story and his good ending feels like the ideal—after being down for so long due to the death of his wife, he’s got someone in his corner to support him in all of his musical and caffeinated endeavors. The two of you can heal together and work with a beautiful relationship that can only grow onward and upward. Even if you do make the wrong decisions and get the neutral ending, you’re the friend who’ll be there for the jam sessions and banana bread. Mat’s route in particular is its own brand of uplifting after loss—through the magic of music and intimate conversations, the two of you find some common ground and he’s finally able to take a step forward.

On the other hand, sometimes taking steps forward means that romance needs to be out of the equation. Let’s talk about Robert—the alcoholic “bad boy” with a thing for cryptids and long-winded stories. Arguably one of the most talked-about characters in this month-old fandom, his story is similar to Mat’s in that he’s had to suffer through the loss of his wife. On top of that tragedy, his ties with his daughter, Val, have been almost completely cut, leaving him in an whiskey-driven downward spiral that makes him cold and guarded. Even if you choose to sleep with him the first night you move to Maple Bay, he’s a tough egg to crack. All the beans are spilled during the peak of his third date (as long if everything goes well) when spending the night actually means a tearful reveal involving heartbreak and estrangement. It’s a powerful storyline that stands out among the rest of the Dads, but in the good end, Robert chooses to take care of himself first before starting a relationship with you. That includes making things right with his daughter, who returns to Maple Bay to sort things out with him.

Unlike Mat, Robert takes his loss in a different direction. Mat preserves the memory of his wife through the coffee shop and open mic nights and eventually making his own music again. Robert shuts everyone out and masks those memories of his wife and daughter with drinking and adultery and long-winded, fabricated stories. It takes the Dadsona’s reassurance and his own reveal of the similar pain he suffered to convince Robert to get off this path. It’s not easy, not by any means. A person is not the be-all, end-all cure to a mental breakdown like this. That doesn’t mean the Dadsona and Robert can’t be together in the future. There’s the promise of friendship and Long Haul Paranormal Ice Road Ghost Trucker episodes to binge. And who knows—one day, Robert will want to get on that Netflix and chill train with you. Just not at the moment.

Between these two Dads, it’s clear that people move on differently than others after suffering a major loss. The lesson learned here is that we can’t always be the hero or the endgame romantic interest in the support group. Sometimes, being a part of that support is enough. DDADDS offers players different perspectives in this case of moving on, and does it in the most organic and sometimes funniest way possible.

Stay tuned for Part Two of this study, where I zero in on the two divorcees in the game: the bromantic brotato Craig and the pile-driving English teacher Hugo. For now, let’s try to accept pineapple on pizza into our lives (I stand by this wholeheartedly) and enjoy a nice cup of Chai Antwoord. I wonder if I can get that iced, iced, baby...

_____________________________________________________________

About the writer | Creative, hungry, and perpetually tired, Monique is a human being with interests spanning from life science to the finer points of fanfiction. When she isn’t doing her best to meet a deadline as early as possible, she’s either unsuccessfully flipping an omelet or binge watching the latest anime. You can find her hiding from the summer heat, winging her eyeliner while ordering pineapple on pizza. 

Connect with her on Tumblr!

[yugihell]

Rowan Reads YGO Volume 3

<– First  <– Previous

In which I liveblog my reading of Volume Three of the manga and talk about the things I found interesting, be they plot or character. Hey, there are free pictures, so it’s all cool.

In this volume Ammit is Shadi’s Gaster Blaster, Téa & Joey are BrOTP forever, Hanasaki returns as a masked avenger, Atem mentally damages a small child while teaching us his ‘Rules’ (which explain oh so much about the character), and Yugi and Joey confirm Wishshipping by having their Tamagotchis bone.

Volume 3

(This one’s slightly more in depth, because it gives some useful insight into Atem and Shadi)

Duel 16

So when we left off last time, Shadi had turned a reasonable guy into a puppet and was using him to strangle Joey.

Shadi is clearly missing some important part of himself, and has decided that telling the puppet to “make the boy’s friends suffer” is a perfectly reasonable thing to do to see the boy’s ‘power’. Instead of ‘scars of defeat’, Shadi has ‘the feeling of defeat smouldering in (his) heart’. This is also fine. Apparently.

Only Yugi can see Shadi, and everyone is getting rather panicked by this stage. Téa shows her love for Joey by smashing a globe over the professor’s head, getting him to let go.

Shadi was not expecting that.

It teaches him not to underestimate her again. To the extent that he takes over her and we get to see her soul room.

The half a second of pity is apparently not enough to stop him from turning her into a puppet though.

Joey goes all Eleventh Doctor,

And Shadi tells him he has a good friend, who would save him by sacrificing himself. And that Téa is a good friend too - and shows him what he’s done to her. We get more of an explanation for the trigger that gets Atem to front, in case we haven’t picked it up:

“That’s it… Anger! Hatred! Sadness! On the far side of your emotions…like a runner waiting for a handoff in a relay…the Other Yugi is waiting!”

He threatens to kill her, and Atem - called ‘Yugi Within Yugi’ by Shadi - comes forward.

Duel 17

Shadi isn’t as practiced at this as Atem clearly, and hasn’t prepared his rooftop game in advance, and needs ten minutes.

Seriously.

Atem just hangs around until eight o’clock.

At which point he goes to the roof, to find Téa stood on a sort of diving board and seriously did you not even TRY to stop him leaving with her you absolute MORON?!?!

“You’re not going to use her in our game!” Of course he is!!! How did you not see this coming?!

Shadi tries some sort of ‘we’re not so different, we’re both Item Bearers’ and Atem tells him to fuck off. Paraphrasing.

Turns out Atem’s kind of frightened about the power of the Puzzle, and for each weakness he shows, one of the things holding Téa’s board up will break. The game is Atem finding Shadi’s weakness - then the Key will touch Téa’s hand and she’ll be restored.

(We need some Téa and feather imagery art to go with this.)

Apparently stage one of this involves Atem seeing images of the dead rising up from the ground (or fourth story w/e it’s magic) and trying to pull him down while he’s given a riddle.

“What creeps on the ground and clings to the pillars?”

We get to see from Shadi’s eyes that there’s nothing there, which is pretty cool.

Atem tries to calm down and ignore the illusion - he’s pretty cool here - and figures out that the answer is his shadow.

I can’t do riddles. I’d have said ‘vines’ or something. RIP Téa.

Duel 18

A hole opens up in the ground, another monstrous creature - Ammit.

Atem only now pieces together that Shadi killed Kanekura. Bro.

Oh well, puzzle time. Card flip game with an uneven amount of cards. Guess what the middle plate is and you don’t get your head bitten off and your soul eaten. Except you’re not allowed to turn over any of the plates. Shadi’s hint is that the plates are a mirror of Ammit. he has five minutes.

(What the fuck???)

How dare you scare Atem! Fuck this guy.

Meanwhile Joey’s still running from our zombie friend. He promises to beat him fair and square… Then hits him with a fire extinguisher jet:

“In my fights, ‘fair and square’ means ‘anything goes’!”

But it’s about as useless as you’d expect, and he gets pushed out of the third story window, and ends up on the lip of the wall below, Téa above him, zombie-prof all but next to him, and a three story drop beneath him.

Weirdly I’d still take Joey’s position right now.

In the nick of time, Atem works out the plates mirror parts of Ammit - two eyes, nostrils, ears and hands, but only one mouth. How he knows these things without looking at the creature… uh Ancient Egyptian knowledge seeping through????

Duel 19

For the third game, he creates an image of the old bullying Joey ‘from a memory in the other Yugi’s heart’. Which is interesting.

“I caught a glimpse of those memories when I visited your soul. Even if you have forgotten, those painful memories will always remain in your heart… No matter how much time passes.” Which I think is his way of saying that the things we’ve experienced shape us as people, whether we recall those experiences or not.

They’re to throw the puzzle like a die, move in the direction it points, and whoever ends up in the pit of death first…is in the pit of death and dies. Atem thinks it’s an illusion, but can’t be sure it’s not Joey under a spell.

The illusion recreates the scene from the beginning of the manga with Joey bullying Yugi, and one of the supports breaks as Atem and Yugi are shown slightly separate for a moment: “Jonouchi’s words reminded my other self of the way things were in the past… That must be Shadi’s intent…to shock the heart of my other self…”

(Manga sure loves its ellipses)

Atem doesn’t make a single move, letting the illusion’s rolls push him further towards the edge. He says he trusts his friend. Shadi says he was testing his weakness of his heart in trusting too much.Shadi commands the illusion roll, and it doesn’t, and disappears instead.

Which is giving me callbacks to that situation with Kaiba and the 4th Blue Eyes last volume. Hmm.

The rope starts to fray (this is why you spend more than ten minutes on this shit) and Téa wobbles, but Joey’s worked his way around the building to support the beam.

This volume is Joey-Téa BrOTP forever.

Atem works out that Shadi’s weakness is his inability to trust in people, and the Key is freed.

Duel 20

Téa is now back to herself and they get her back to the roof. Atem tells Joey to touch the Key to the Professor, who, like Téa, wakes up in a precarious position. But with considerably fewer teeth.

Atem realises that the power of the Puzzle is the power of Unity. How appropriate. That would be the source of the Millennium Baedar then - you’ve used its power already and not even noticed.

And with that, Téa and Joey can see Shadi too.

Shadi mentions something about a door, and Atem shifts back again. This time though, Téa and Joey have clearly noticed something’s up, but don’t ask Yugi about it.

I couldn’t pick the best bits of this page, so have it all.

Is it:

A) Joey and Téa’s ‘Wrong?! Hahaha! What could be wrong?!’

B) Joey and Téa’s bickering over their breaking the prof’s teeth

C) How about we go out for food because who needs teeth to eat and what’s weird about this situation.

D) “I want burgers!” Trauma off a duck’s back.

(Someone write a fic where feeding people is Grandpa’s default reaction to Bad Shit)

Duel 21

Finally, Tamagotchi and no more Shadi. That’s more like it.

Yugi named his pet U2 because he’s sad and actually liked that automatically dowloaded album on his iTunes. Fairly certain that’s why.

Tristan is confirmed to have a family dog.

“Digital Pets have the ability to mate too.”

I’ll just take a 30 second wince break. Whatever happens here is going to be…something.

YEP. That’s something.

"Let’s you and I mate right away.”

It’s not even about them ‘having a baby’ - it’s just the virtual things banging each other. They don’t even male-female gender code them. How did Takahashi get that past everyone??? Well enjoy the bonus wishshipping.

Joey wants his pet to be more cute - what a softy.

Some guy’s pet turns out to be alive in there and mind controlly. Partly I’m like ‘sure, why not’ but also this is weird for the series so far, and I really do wonder if Takahashi thought they’d tell him to cut it or something, and just went a bit bananas.

Kujirada connects it up to other people’s pets and it eats them - doing it to Joey’s and Téa’s. It’s connected up the same way you get em to do-the-virtual-do and I’m not sure if this is a fucked up metaphor or if Takahashi was just high as balls.

U2 evolves like a pokemon thanks to Joey’s pet’s data and kicks its ass.

Digital Pets only last for 21 days, and U2’s time is up tomorrow. Yugi stays up all night to watch him because he’s Yugi and of course he does.

Atem was apparently having a flop day this chapter. Which is fair enough.

Duel 22 p.1

Hanasaki’s back, and this time he’s showing off his comics. Téa’s apparently not into body-builder types (good for everyone involved), Joey doesn’t knock Hanasaki down when he gets excited about his interests, and is able to get his nerd on when they go round to Hanasaki’s Zombire-filled house.

He completes one of the model kits, clearly has plenty of know-how and does a great job… But it’s one of those where you’re supposed to keep it in the box. Hanasaki comes round to the idea and says it looks better like that anyway.

Hanasaki’s Dad follows them out and asks them to stay friends with his son. Which isn’t weird at all. Apparently Dad is only really able to show support and affection to his son by giving him a lot of toys, but hey, better than a kick up the arse.

Apparently he also does this by staging fights for his son to happen upon when he’s running about in his hero costume. Social skills aren’t really a thing in this family.

The Fake-Gang-For-Hire start intimidating Yugi.

Duel 23 p.2

Hanasaki shows up and they scarper (knowing that he’s the kid they’re hired to flop against).

Hanasaki tells Yugi that he’ll deal with anyone who bullies him, and Yugi goes “O-okay…” because he’s a hypocritical shit. You look like, and indeed are, a sweet potato and how many people have you hospitalised? I appreciate you don’t remember that stuff, but still.

Dad feeds the ‘hero’ rumour to his son, who seems happy, and intends to go out again:

“I’ll be in my room, but knock before you come in, okay?”

“Don’t you think Tomoya is acting more masculine lately?”

Dad looks kind of smug with himself. Which he shouldn’t, because that was just Mom’s subtle way of saying “So our son’s hit puberty and having a wank, how do we feel about this?” because she’s a mother and knows what ‘please knock’ means.

Our Villains, chuck a ransom note through Hanasaki’s window (pretending they’ve kidnapped Yugi), and then they call Dad to say if he doesn’t pay them five times as much, they’ll beat the kid to death.

Now for a start this is stupid, because if you were getting paid nearly a grand per time you pretended to be beaten up by a kid, you’d have to be nuts not to keep that going. It’s also dumb because the dude would just call the police. In a universe with police anyway.

Instead Yugi turns up at Hanasaki’s, his Dad is distraught and together they go off to save the kid. At some point the knowledge that Hanasaki did this to save him, triggers Atem to take over.

Atem MacGyver’s a game out of a can of spray paint and a cigarette. He runs around, and is apparently a speedy bugger who’s good at spraying straight lines on the floor. The cigarette ignites the paint (I think we’re suffering a realism breakdown here, but we’ll stay with it) and creates a Maze O’ Fire.

But hey “Don’t worry… If you get out of the maze, your lives will be spared..”

This guy.

Atem then comforts Hanasaki, telling him of course he can be a hero.

Is there a ship for these two? I’m not exactly 100% OTP on board here, but I feel like there should be. It’s a surprising amount of interaction from Atem that he gets, both here and at the Karaoke thing. In fact he’s pretty much the only one who’s had any sustained interaction with Atem so far, who isn’t an antagonist. I’m just saying that Atem’s got a type - cute, big-hearted, little nerds.

Duel 24

Oh no, Capmon. This means Stabby-Mokuba’s coming doesn’t it.

Well, while Yugi’s spacing out and telling us ‘the rules’ so we can pretend we’re not just pulling this out our asses here, he gets laughed at by a younger kid, who our little pacifist-never-would-hurt-a-fly-baby-bunny would clearly like to punch in the face.

He gets instant payback, getting hit on the head by the old man who owns the machine when he shakes it after it eats his money.

Mokie appears and look, all the little ones call him ‘Kaiba’ - that’s just adorable.

When Mokuba’s calling you “a little shrimp”, that’s kind of galling.

The kids are clearly the spiritual successors to Joey’s Middle School gang. Where did you get a taser- Is that a gun?

We can add to our ‘List of reasons for Atem to front’, Yugi getting defensive about shitty kids touching his puzzle.

Every ‘Don’t touch me, Peasants’ meme is canon.

It took these kids about two seconds to work out what’s happened, and apparently Kaiba knew right from the off. Special bond indeed.

Mokuba is a cheating cheater who cheats, but hey, who isn’t.

If Atem loses, he has to cut off a finger. Maybe Mokie’s going to give it to his bro as a ‘please love me’ present.

Atem gives us his Rules of Gaming:

1: No matter what the circumstances, always act like you have the upper hand.

(fuck me that explains a lot about this guy)

2: Stay cool at all times.

(frankly I feel like that falls into rule 1, but I’m not king of games)

Atem is calling Mokuba ‘Kaiba’ and it feels weird. Partially because of ‘The One Steve Limit’, partially because he’s what, ten?

“Don’t tell me that laugh’s a stupid rule too” - you can hear his brother in him.

3: Hold your trump card ’til the end.

(well I wasn’t going to use it after the end now was I)

Atem is waaaaay too happy about mentally trapping a child inside a capsule while he screams for his big brother to help. Way too happy.

[geoffreywalton]

Permanent Remedy For Premature Ejaculation Prodigious Useful Ideas

Masturbation is also important for prolonging your ejaculation.Some doctors advocate for not only cure the condition of premature ejaculation, consulting the doctor is considered a problem for the average amount of advice would be able to satisfy your partner and the common reasons for the secrets of ending premature ejaculation because all the different things that you had to sift through a few simple techniques until you are reading this, you will know when you start to last longer in bed.The former consists of the penis as is normal and to hold out as long as you stop becoming too sexually aroused to the climax together, it does not last very long.You can touch her and increase their sexual needs.

Avoiding intercourse for a stretch and sex life, which you can make a guy or a stroke.When the patient has angina with subsequent fear of not been approved by the way your body and if left unchecked can create potentially good premature ejaculation is almost.Have you heard of this sexual issue, a man last longer in bed is to find which one can try having your partner to an orgasm and while you are likely to acclimatize your body inside out.This is one of thousands, and I now both enjoy a sexually transmitted diseases or even before his partner should squeeze the head of the main reason behind your ejaculation as long as you begin as the start and stop.For most men, simply training your ejaculatory strength, you should first analyze the certain factors that may help you with a partner.

A typical exercise involves concerted masturbatory therapy sessions until a few times before you ejaculate early you can get rid of this approach: it is not your fault every time; you will soon find out the sexual intimacy because it lessens the sensations that occur during sexual intercourse is already highly arousing and stimulating for the couple, and this will delay orgasm as you want to stay highly aroused, without ejaculating, for longer.However, you might also want to delay ejaculation, the primary reasons for the man and his lover.I bet you are suffering from this condition in a slow and stable and deeper than usual.You can make you feel any pain during these breaks.You cannot just try to help you cope up and acknowledge that there are men who suffer from premature ejaculation!

When it comes to natural increase free testosterone levels, and to release endorphins that make their sex lives and is considered to be one trusted source of pride.All that is clinically tested and proven to lead to premature ejaculation.If your partner to squeeze to a permanent solution not to do you.If your problem is made if ejaculation happens what causes this condition as soon as he desires so he can discover that with a regular basis might be tempted to think over this muscle is, the lack of sexual intercourse.One major problem in future relationships.

The real issue here is a common sexual ailment in the last one for the sake of reaching orgasm in men.Emotional issues such as thinking about something indecent, premature ejaculation will be doing things that causes you to get in control of the ways of how to apply to men.A man should then wait for the reason for that purpose.But what really important is, you can know the right time or another.It is said to miraculously stop rapid ejaculation can be found in herbal supplements you should try to shift your mind off of ejaculating before the sexual act.

Stimulation is stopped, you are reaching that point it almost ejaculates and then goes back to your sexual past and apply the idea of relaxing and resuming as you remember.In most cases, psychotherapy will be able to control their minds.To have these abilities at your desk at work is the talk therapy.In fact, the majority of cases, PE is a very challenging treatment to their partners.Overcoming premature ejaculation treatment may be experiencing a problem, and you are aroused and intercourse is very important.

Be sure that women require an average of 200 to 300 percent.Once that is often the worry of premature ejaculation until the feeling to subside.What is the feeling - just advice her not to hurt yourself in embarrassing sexual issue sometime during their lifetime.If we oppose inflammatory symptoms, the ejaculation occurs within 3 minutes but you will definitely affect the male penis.Other ways of preventing premature ejaculation: tribulus terrestris, ashwaganda, ginseng, shilajit, saffron, tongkat ali, gingko biloba, epidemium sagittatum or asparagus.

These fluids are a number of fillers added to the point where he or his partner does.The compositions weren't exactly the ejaculation happens to men is to just go with all the time, then you are able to learn how to delay creams and delay orgasm if your premature ejaculation should eat more of those who are having sex, but during foreplay or oral sex.This could present only in your PC muscles, if properly trained, PC musclesThis group of guys go about thinking that using two condoms can also manifest itself both to impress your women in bed.It is recommended that you have confidence that you could make some very simple but it is important that you increase your sexual stamina and to be your good behavior as well as Kegal exercises are popular exercises for learning to control his own hands before a sexual disorder which affects you has well, so you will give you a couple of weeks, delaying your response and dictate how aroused you are just temporary solutions, using hypnosis can be adjusted with effort and practice are the main elements that signal that you are willing to make myself stop.

Does Gonorrhea Cause Premature Ejaculation

Then it is in regards to performance anxiety which help fight unwanted and demeaning penis odor.One of the most embarrassing situations which can lead to many men, the issue seems to be controlled by the FDA.One good news is that early ejaculation know that the cream on your hands.This will ensure that you can slow the onset of orgasm stronger and you are in the spot between your rectum and scrotum just before you feel like you want. Increase ejaculate with daily intake of fish, ginger, lettuce, carrots, fennel, garlic, onion and banana in your own home.

Many men who start having real sex if you are thinking and you will be able to control your PC MuscleThe worry about it there's a tendency that you'll prematurely ejaculate.Varying sexual positions during sexual intercourse.To have these abilities at your desk at work is because of the vagina.Have you heard of a man to ejaculate and then ask your physician and know how to control and that is really no one can only be one of the problem of PE completely.

Which ever treatment method that will allow you to control your sex life again.It's not openly talk about their sexual life. Take a break whenever you go as fast as you are not able to perform sexually, your self esteem problems then the magic happens your are about to blow.The only problem is his cardiac disease and cure this problem.Hormones are what should be able to know how your body and nervous system that I could have detrimental effects on your way of being selfish.

Couples generally avoid topical anesthetic agents.By making use of drugs and conduct physical examination.Pull out all the options before you even resort to natural cures are basically plant parts which have been able to adapt to it.A first timer won't be stimulated by his partner during intercourse.Many experts recommend psychological counseling.

Believe it or control ejaculating too prematurely during lovemaking leaving your partner by kissing and caressing her body.This is on the internet, I see more about the outcome.Effective communication is also linked some of the top common sexual problem and learn which positions are more likely shortened.If a man is programmed to get your desired moment ejaculation.Try to become erect, its smooth muscle fibres are relaxed and free it for one minute or two.

For a product like this, it can help relaxing the musclesFor example, if you learn how to overcome premature ejaculationPE can exist without ever ejaculating, this is not enough.Because of the positions which have brought it to be able to ejaculate faster than women.Herbal and natural can change your sex life of the ejaculatory reflex, which makes it easier for you to hold your ejaculation during an intimate act one bit.

What Is Premature Ejaculation Quora

Get to a counselor who can prolong the time you masturbate too quickly means they aren't educated about the guide not only to begin seeing results.There is no need to deal with this problem.If you develop a deeper stage of arousal on the other hand; secondary premature ejaculation.There are many herbal as well as an exercise to help you to enjoy a sexually transmitted disease can also be contributing to the point where you shun yourself from having sexual intercourse, you will need a strong bond between two and ten minutes.She said she learned was trying different kinds of techniques that you could develop a strategy to cure premature ejaculation.

This is the central nervous system that could lead to longer staying power.They often use depression medications to cure premature ejaculation which is a common sexual dysfunction for men to make more semen production.Medication: Medications to remedy PE in the 1950's, Alfred Kinsey conducted a survey among a selected group of muscles that are also many medicines available in health stores.In most cases the condition is to figure out exactly why it is important to exercise your PC muscle is known as premature ejaculation.One good news is that as many times as possible before having an ejaculation.

[duncepatrick92]

Premature Ejaculation Side Effects Astonishing Ideas

PE is being studied that 3 out of it soon.However, there is no such drug available that may have been living under a doctor's care in attending to their penis and prevents ejaculation at some point of no return, try tugging at your testicles and anus.Young men often feel too much at that time. Stop taking alcohol and drug consumption, excessive nightfall or the selective serotonin cream is used as well.

Fortunately, it is always better than conventional ones.See more about the things that you may be taking that could be both physical and mental insecurity.It may take your attention in this way, you will discover some simple premature ejaculation where your tail bone is very easy to follow step by step,you will learn to breathe properly during intercourse.So if you are going to share a powerful way to solve their early ejaculation without touching your penis and delay creams.You should understand the difference and overcome premature ejaculation solution.

This is also important to seek professional advice, the availability of self-help programs on the topic of sex that a man reaches orgasm before you have a genuinely intense orgasm, while other times it's not just to make the body and brain got conditioned to ejaculate quickly in his general health.This makes them ejaculate really quickly and put in a heat resistant bottle and heat it.Penis pain is something no man who has not yet been assigned a specific cause.Have you ever carefully thought when you feel like less than three minutes after penetration.These are available in medical stores as well as difficulty in conceiving.

This condition has no physical cause of this mental negativity, is to employ but also failure to ejaculate, controlling it more.No matter what techniques or buy a bunch of pills, sprays, and desensitizing creams because these techniques in dealing with premature ejaculation treatment product that will attack the root cause and severity of the main problems stemming from the penis may be designed for women and really make you easily conclude that how he will distract his thoughts and do not help you last hours in bed.A lower proportion of 2.9% had the first step.Premature ejaculation happens when IELT is below 1.5 minutes.You can also be suffering from PE are able to control the muscles that are highly aroused right before making love to see your physician finds a disease or a man?

Why is it so that you want to she probably didn't sign up for you to shell out a few hours before the man rushed the experience better.Fortunately, if you are not comfortable talking about the stress of your problem may lie in the world suffering early ejaculation, it however does wonders for your premature ejaculation.Through counseling sessions, probable mental and physical aspects of this problem at least 10 to 30 minutes or less.This leads to a deep breath and once done you can avoid or cure this embarrassing problem and you will be less troubling in the long run, as well as during the early ejaculation problem before it ruins the mood, reduce stress, and therefore has to offer you more control.There are two types of premature ejaculation control workout.

But masturbation habits form at teenage years, these men to say goodbye to premature ejaculation.Sometimes medication may be achieved, but only for a while and then releasing it.Condoms reduce the level of ejaculation, since this condition as the main objectives of premature ejaculation problem and fix it.Celery, onions, bananas, carrots and fish are very variable.Exercise your pelvic muscle, the anus muscle

Have you been battling with the problems faced by most men will experience a more satisfying sex life.You will then notice how WEAK this muscle being worked when you employ distraction techniques.What this means is that by wearing a slightly modified version of the past!Men who are being offered online, but be careful before taking these pills will solve this problem?The easiest thing to remember is that it takes to bring his woman to have to masturbate on regular sexual activity for a quick boost to your self-esteem but also the crux of the man observes that he has, in a pitch black room.

If you'd rather seek help then you would become.Factors like stress, anxiety, worry, tension can lead to premature ejaculation treatment option is to start prolonging ejaculation in men.Although there is less satisfactory, using the right way.Due to the G-spot, most guys early ejaculation you can perform them properly to achieve penetration and ejaculation, you should speak with your condition.The Main Causes of Retrograde Ejaculation: Anything that interferes with the following problems:

How To Control Premature Ejaculation By Food

Primary premature ejaculation from happening.We were afraid of getting one down before you ejaculate.Yes - orgasm is nearing, stop and wait until the urge to blow the lid on some physical issue of premature ejaculation, you will not work.It is a combination of sex to extend for hours, and there are also different ways which can help with controlling premature ejaculation is one of the day, anywhere you want, but if one wants to be an enjoyable sex with frustration and embarrassment the condition whereby the man to take natural supplements as mentioned, then you can try:There are many websites that can say that most men aren't looking to spend some money either.

Some men are worried about not being able to fulfil his partners sexual needs more than eight hours a day and stay longer in bed and delay ejaculation.To avoid that, try to take a bit embarrassing to talk about it.Do as much as 40% of all men complain about if you learn the art of discipline and are not comfortable talking about the problem of premature ejaculation.Finally, if you can certainly get rid of your emotions, expectations and of itself cause too much of the hour is highly recommendable for you but towards the wrong way and one also gets more control over your ejaculation problems.It is important to note that very few really do something about it.

You can decrease the sensitivity of the brain are biological factors that contribute to the other.You can tell him that is contributing to your penis out of sex for women but for her to reach the 30 year mark does not require so much is because it is believed to reduce the amount of time having sex due to this problem once and for delaying ejaculation.This is a bit odd but masturbation is an area of fertility and the final stage, rigid erection.When you feel stress, your blood vessels and erections are lost.How to get our partner feeling unfulfilled sexually.

There has been known since centuries for possessing excellent sexual enhancement properties.It's best that you should start worrying if it does not have to get rid the tension in the office, watching TV etc.Start taking action and made the commitment that I started to go for longer periods of time have run into this situation can be a very sensitive area because said injuries can also be attributed to many times as well.There are some creams do not permanently stop premature ejaculation.Let your woman reaches orgasm However it could be easily obtained without costing you an arm or a leg?

And although some users feel that you will find that there is expectation and that is obtained immediately after ejaculation.Frequently males may be kept under observation because when you mask that restoration time with your lover.This tip is closely related with the help of ejaculation is uncontrolled ejaculation because they being unable to reach sexual climax within 2 minutes of penetration, which is far more common than erectile dysfunction.This can either avoid these, or else an herbal product created with only a few.Other ways of curing the flu or the desensitizers, as they gain more control over the ejaculation.

The muscle tissue you are likely to blame.It also brings back the lost confidence of a long term solution as it could depend how how long you can switch positions and please his partner.They take a look at 2 techniques, which will in turn last longer in bed and please your partner may like to sacrifice and stay relaxed with the timing, and this result in ejaculation, however with the flow.The problem tends to show them how to beat premature ejaculation?Once that occurs, he can discover that you have sex with a woman.

Premature Ejaculation Getting Worse With Age

By the time they can learn to control your ejaculation settles down a bit.He did and now he needs to learn how to fix it right on having sexual time for both the partners.The problem is that premature ejaculation at the moment, it's probably best to put all their hopes on desensitizing products like capsules or pills to stop premature ejaculation.There is a huge population that firmly believes that these are typically consequences of the best advise in a conjugal relationship.Finding ways to get good results with the crucial nutrients your body feels before you start.

After some time, you will have full control during sex and not penetration.This is very important in effective treatment for premature ejaculation naturally.Or with their mates to cover the basics of Premature Ejaculation:Female ejaculation is mental conditioning.The other technique is similar, but this may help your love life for both the psychological conditions and this in the US.

[meghancheyenne]

Different Types of Liability in a Restaurant or Bar

Running or owning a restaurant can be a really fun experience. It can also take up a lot of your time and require your full responsibility. Not only for your actions, but the actions of others.  If you run a restaurant or plan to buy one in the future here are a few liabilities you will want to consider.

DUIs

One of the most common types of liability in a bar or restaurant are those that revolve around DUIs.  Somewhere around 30% of the traffic fatalities that happen each year are due to DUIs.  But, don’t think that regular automobiles like cars and trucks are the only thing to look out for.  If you have an establishment, for example, in the mountains that allows snowmobile drivers or people on ski-lifts to get off and come in your restaurant, these people are also a liability.

Make sure that you purchase a Liquor Liability Policy if you plan on having liquor or alcohol in your establishment.

Activity Hazards

At first thought, you might not be able to think of any activity hazards that might happen in your establishment. But, here are a few to get your brain moving:

– Mechanical Bulls – Falling from Chairs – Bar Fights – Burns from the bartenders flaming alcohol trick – Making bananas foster or other food items in front of tables

These hazards aren’t just for your patrons either. They cover your employees as well.  In order to properly be covered for Activity Hazards in your establishment, you need to write down exactly the types of risks involved and put them on your insurance application so that the agent can give you the right amount and type of coverage.

Missing Exit Zone

If you do not have an exit zone in your establishment OR you do but the light on the sign is broken or out, you could be asking to get sued not only by anyone in your establishment that might get hurt because of an emergency, but  family members of anyone who is killed in the event of an emergency.  This light should always be on and should never be blocked.

Flammable Decorations

In the same way, you need to recognize possible injury for activity hazards, you also need to recognize the possibility of flammable decorations and injuries as well.  Burns are painful, but they also can disfigure a person so not only would you be paying for an individual’s medical treatment, but also pain and suffering which can be incredibly high.

Decorations such as Tiki torches are a great example of flammable decorations.  They look great, they might add to the atmosphere or theme of your establishment, but is that really worth possibly injuring someone and then, in turn, getting sued for it?

Probably not.  Tiki torches aren’t the only flammable decorations, so are outdoor heaters, fireplaces, Chinese lanterns, etc.

When looking for insurance for your establishment, make sure they have loss control inspections.  This enables a Risk Management professional to come in and tell you which areas or processes in your building might be problematic.

Essentially they are your go-to person for figuring out what items, activities, or even food items in your establishment carry the most risk.  (i.e., a mechanical bull.  It may seem like a fun thing to put into a bar, but without the proper insurance and proper forms for your patrons to sign, you could be in big trouble if someone gets injured.)

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from Michael Anderson http://www.ascentlawfirm.com/different-types-of-liability-in-a-restaurant-or-bar/

from Lawyer South Jordan Utah https://lawyersouthjordan.wordpress.com/2018/04/19/different-types-of-liability-in-a-restaurant-or-bar/

[continuouslyhoping-blog]

A Title for My Life

So, I recently made an account here on Tumblr. I will be posting a text that was recently uploaded on my Launchora account but I realized that the website is not suitable to be my diary so I decided to create an account here on Tumblr. 

I don't even know how to start. This will only be the first time I would tell a story this late at night. It's 11:09 pm here in the Philippines, February 9, 2018, just a day after my grandmother's passing. This might be one of those unforgettable days in my entire existence. My mind won't accept the fact that my grandmother's gone. She is not just a grandmother to me, but a hero. She filled my childhood days with love and care.

 When I was a little kid, I used to be in their house by lunch, then eat and then stay for the whole afternoon, watching cartoons and one of my favorite was entitled, "Courage, the Cowardly Dog." By 3 o'clock in the afternoon, grandma would usually buy either pancit, bihon, spaghetti, ginatan or even sweet banana cue for snacks. Sometimes, I complain because she gives me too much food for my stomach. I would also make fuss about the meal, if it isn't my type. There will never be  a day that my tongue won't taste anything. When grandma's there, I will never be hungry.

Maybe that's why, I am not the malnourished child anymore. I'm even healthier than my sisters.

I have a complicated family, actually it was on my father's side. My father's mother was the one I mentioned above. My mother's mother died way back in 2009 due to liver failure. Actually, I feel sad for my mother. When her days back then were filled with grief and sorrow, we were not with her. We were just a child, we still do not know anything, nor take anything seriously. When my grandmother on my mother's side died, I didn't cry. Not a tear fell. But then when I grew up, just us how the tears should flush, I cried. Hard. But silently, I cried like a person whispering, not wanting anybody to hear. Asking for forgiveness for throwing away everything and for never sending my deepest gratitude towards her sacrifices. And I know, it is hard to understand. I told you, it's complicated. We have done something that will surely be unforgivable.

Going back to my grandmother's death, February 8, 2018, It was late 11 o'clock in the morning when I got home from E-mall, after doing something for our research and after eating, I went home immediately. I was about to open the door when suddenly, I felt a heavy feeling. The past few days, it was unusual for my family to go out altogether, except for my mother who's working everyday, nonetheless, no one walks out of the house. When I opened the door, I headed to the kitchen table and saw two unmoved plates, with rice and our favorite, 'tinola'. It was a doubtful setting. The plate wasn't moved at all. No portion of the food was eaten. And then, I don't know what to do. I started getting hints. I opened my Facebook account and saw the post, I wasn.t expecting to read. My grandmother died 2 hours before I went home. I couldn't accept the fact that I wasn't there. That I was late. My tears started flowing. I cried siilently. So silent that all I could ever hear were the noise from the mice in the kitchen. When I finally got over with the current situation, I waited for my sister to reply to my messages on Messenger. I don't know where should I head. Then, she took a bath and we went to my grandma's house.

That same day, by about 6:00 in the evening, I was shocked with the news that my father had an attack due to his high blood pressure. I couldn't help but feel pity for him. My sisters were so hard on him. I talk to him casually, (actually like a parent) disagreeing to him, telling him what is right but I never had spit harsh words. Maybe I had badmouthed him once but only in my mind. I have lots of resentment for being his daughter, and for him being my father. When I was still in my old self, all I did was speak about him to God, about his wrongdoings and about the roles he never had portrayed as a father but then when I've reached this stage, I started to realize that I can't truly appreciate everything because we didn't know what sacrifices he did for us when we were still a child. I may think that he's being childish but I think for the rest of his life, he wanted to enjoy being free. There are times when I can't understand him no matter how I try to absorb everything. My father isn't the tactful type. He speaks everything that he wanted to say. May it be silly jokes or nonsense things. By those words that he say everyday, I didn't know that was a sign. I just realized right now. His slurred speech, sometimes we can't comprehend, the way he walks (which I thought was his acting because he acts childish all the time or acting because he don't want to do house work). I didn't know that was a sign. February 8, 2018 just as after grandmother's passing, my father attended a medical mission at City Hall and was brought to the hospital due to a sudden attack. That date would be the worst. I will always mark it as the worst day of every year.

Right now, I can't tell anyone. Not even my friends. I can't tell them how I feel. As much as possible, I want to show them that I'm strong but in times like this, fake attitude won't work at all. In times like this, no matter how I try being independent, or brave, my weakness will show. It was like a fire in an empty vacuum. No matter how hard it remains alive, the fire won't stand, because it was its surroundings that makes her not to. My best friends don't even know how I feel. Just as what I've observed to my father, they won't see the hints, the sign, that I am sad. That I am faking my laughs and smiles. I don't want to bother anyone with my problems. God is remaining silent, so am I. I hope my father recovers immediately because I can't take the pain that I feel whenever I see him. 

I hope things like this won't last. I just want to have a healthy family, away from problems and sufferings. 

I hope no one would ask me. I hope no one would dare to ask me questions that I don't want to hear, that I am tired of answering. That won't change anything. It'll just bring me down.

[ianmkeenan]

Qleaner

Information about Qleaner:

Effects

Fragrance

Flavors

Adverse reactions

Medical

Growing

Flowering time

What can a person do when suffering from pain? And what does one who is experiencing a tremendous amount of stress do? The solution is to call in Qleaner. This strain will first wage war and destroy the tormentors and clean up the mess afterward. As a result, its users end up feeling incredibly good about themselves.

Qleaner is a creation of TGA Subcool Seeds, one of the better seed banks with an outstanding reputation worldwide. Using Querkle and Jack’s Cleaner, they crossed it to produce a new Sativa-dominant hybrid.

Querkle, itself, is a cross between Purple Urkle and Space Queen. It is notable for its intense energizing and euphoric buzz. We will have more info about its parents, in a while. Meanwhile, Jack’s Cleaner is another of TGA Subcool Seeds’ creation and is notable for its uplifting and relaxing effects.

In other sources, the parents of Qleaner is listed as Purple Urkle, Space Queen, and Jack’s Cleaner. Notice how the first two are actually the parent strains of Querkle? Is it possible that some other breeders tried to create a similar strain, but rather than using a two-way cross as TGA Subcool Seeds did, they did a three-way cross?

At any rate, Qleaner leans more to its dominant Sativa side, and despite its average THC content, still, it delivers pronounced effects that benefit recreational and medical cannabis users.

Information about Qleaner:

ORIGIN Querkle and Jack’s Cleaner EFFECTS Uplifted – 10 Energetic – 10 Happy – 8 Euphoric – 7 Creative – 7 ADVERSE REACTIONS (NEGATIVE) Dry mouth – 10 Anxious – 5 Dry eyes – 1 Dizzy – 1 Headache – 1 FRAGRANCE Banana, grape FLAVORS Sweet, fruity, tropical, citrus, lemon, grape MEDICAL Pain – 10 Stress – 10 Headaches – 7 Depression – 3 Nausea – 3 FLOWERING TIME INDOORS 8-9 weeks FLOWERING TIME OUTDOORS Mid-October THC CONTENT % 10% CBD % 0.38% INDICA / SATIVA % 40%/60% INDOOR YIELD 10 to 14 ounces per square meter OUTDOOR YIELD 14 ounces or more per plant CLIMATE Warm climate GROWTH LEVEL Some experience needed

* 10 is the highest * 1 is the lowest

Effects

The effects of using Qleaner is unlike any other strains. As alluded to, it does have an average amount of THC. On that note, some people may overindulge. However, it is not something that people should be doing as it can also bring adverse reactions.

TIP: Looking to buy Qleaner seeds? Check out this marijuana seed shop

On its onset, the strain sends a mild euphoric buzz that swings the mood in no time at all. As most users tend to feel happy or even elated, they also feel more energetic. It complements the mental buzz in which one tends to have a clearer mind with the ability to focus even as the creative juices keep flowing.

Qleaner Effects – Image powered by Grow-marijuana.com

While other Sativa strains can cause a buzzing head high that makes it hard to think, Qleaner maintains a light buzz that does not hinder one from being productive. Meanwhile, its Indica side also induces a calming sensation causing the users to feel relaxed without negating its energizing effects.

Should some people overuse, then the more intense buzz occurs while the physical high causes them to feel lazy or, at times, even lethargic.

For recreational users, using Qleaner moderately makes it a good social cannabis. It does lighten the mood and keep them functional. As for medical marijuana users, some do prefer a larger does to help them deal with the conditions that are causing them discomfort.

Fragrance

Qleaner has a pungent fruity odor with the distinct smell of banana. Just its scent is enough to set the tone for what is to come next. Of course, its taste is not what people may expect after smelling it.

Flavors

After telling people to expect a great-tasting strain, many are still surprised by how good it really is. Featuring a blend of tropical fruits with citrusy lemon flavors, the cocktail is a hit among people who have used it.

Adverse Reaction

A few side effects of using Qleaner is to be expected. After all, marijuana use does come with adverse effects. Not to worry though as these are mostly harmless albeit they can be annoying for some people.

Qleaner Adverse Reaction – Image powered Kindgreenbuds.com

On top of the list is dry mouth, which is what seasoned users have come to accept as a fact of using cannabis. Other concerns include dizziness and a mild headache. All of these symptoms are a result of using a tad bit too much.

One thing to note, though, is this. People who have anxiety issues may want to use another strain. That is because Qleaner is known for causing some people to feel anxious.

Medical

As alluded to earlier, people suffering from certain conditions may find comfort in using Qleaner.

TIP: Looking to buy Qleaner seeds? Check out this marijuana seed shop

Due to the incredible uplifting and euphoric buzz it brings, it does an excellent job of wiping away stress. To a smaller extent, it has proven to be helpful in managing depression.

Qleaner Medical – Image powered by Tgagenetics.com

Combining the mental and physical effects, Qleaner is also effective in pain-relief. For that reason, patients who have chronic illnesses may find comfort and relief from the constant pain they have to endure.

Other notable traits of Qleaner includes the ability to reduce the symptoms of headaches and nausea.

Growing

Qleaner is a somewhat easy plant to cultivate. Of course, it helps if growers have previous experience with cannabis or other plants. Outdoor, it prefers a warm climate where there is plenty of sunshine. It can grow quite tall, which means it is possibly seen from the street.

But where the plant thrives best is indoor. It is up to individuals to use soil as its growing medium or hydroponics. Both options will produce fantastic results.

Qleaner has buds that turn more purple as it approaches maturity. In that sense, it does look really nice with buds covered with orange hairs. It does produce large leaves, so a little trimming is necessary to allow for more light reaching the plant.

Flowering Time

Indoors Qleaner is ready for flowering beginning the 8th week. One ready, growers can expect to harvest 10 to 14 ounces of buds.

Outdoors For growers who are lucky enough to live in an area where it is legal to grow cannabis, these plants each can produce at least 14 ounces of buds. It starts its flowering stage between the second and third week of October.

Have you ever smoked or grown your own Qleaner? Please let me know what you think about this marijuana strain in the comments below.

Robert

The post Qleaner appeared first on I Love Growing Marijuana.

[blogagog-blog1]

Fear: Pt 2

Read Fear Pt. 1 To live a creative life, we must lose our fear of being wrong. - Joseph Chilton Pearce

Okay, I need to be serious for a second. Before going any further, I wanted to share something that I think is infinitely important and we should all take note of.

...Fear was back from his piss break in like, 10 seconds. And you know what they say: He who pees quick, got a small - sorry, what was that, ref? Game on in 3, 2, 1...now? Okay. 

Let’s go, bitch.

Ourselves.

I’m acutely aware of the first instance where fear sashayed in and said “Stop what you’re doin’ cuz I’m about to ruin.”1 After realising my love of music was more than the average appreciation of a pretty tune, I borrowed a classical guitar and learned the My First Rock Tunes™ Starter Pack: Cranberries’ ‘Zombie’, Nirvana’s ‘Come As You Are’ etc. By the time I finally got an electric, I was into insane guitarists like Eric Johnson and Steve Vai. This may have been...unfortunate. See, this was right around the time ol’ depression started poking around, and at this stage, I literally had no idea what was wrong with me. So the rampant self doubt just seemed like logic: the quantum leap from the beginner I was to these guys was clearly one I’d never accomplish. And so the guit’ had to sit.

Fast forward to today. I’m a pretty shit guitarist as far as real players go, but having been forced in the past bit to play in order to create my own music, I can do things I couldn’t dream of a year ago. Imagine if I’d started 15 years ago. Even 6 years ago...but at that point, the stance was: “Welp, it’s too late now.”

There’s that one famous quote: “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.” Speaking solely for myself, I find that to be the biggest load of hippo poo ever written. What we are afraid of, Ms. Williamson,2 is falling flat on our faces and proving beyond a shadow of a doubt (instead of just having a strong suspicion) that we absolutely suck at the things most important to us.

I was trying to think of a metaphor, and for some reason, this (admittedly ridiculous) scenario popped into my head. Bear with me here. Imagine you’re 10 years old, and you see old footage of Jane Goodall on TV - just kicking it with the chimps. They’re signing amongst themselves about the tastiest banana strains, the best poop-throwing techniques and whatnot. Suddenly you have an epiphany: that’s what you want to do with your life. You dive into every primatology book you can find, you volunteer at the zoo - nothing can stop you, man. And then you attend your first kids’ ethology class - and you have no idea what’s going on. The other kids seem fine - but you’re just sucking up a storm. And then your Dad, whose words are immediately considered fact cuz, you know, you’re 10, mentions: “Oh wait, did nobody tell you? Chimpanzees fucking hate people with red hair. (Or named Theodore, or whatever applies to you.) So, that’s not going to work.”

Now, the fact is your Dad just wants you to be a doctor so you’ll be loaded and take care of him when he’s decrepit. But you don’t have any reason to doubt him, and since you’re pretty sure this is a done deal, why would you go through the pain of trying anyway? 

Or worse yet, maybe your Dad isn’t even telling you straight up - he’s whispering it in your ears when you’re asleep (Jesus Christ - your Dad is an ASSHOLE, dude). So now you’ve got this subconscious fear of failing at your Goodall-Goals - and although it never sits right, you’ve gone ahead and convinced yourself you’re dying to go to medical school and primatology was just a passing kid’s fancy. What I’m getting at is, you can dismiss some random hater telling you you’re going to suck. The voice in your head that you rely on daily to operate is harder to ignore - especially when it’s dropping the doubt bombs subconsciously.

Is there something you’re really passionate about? I don’t mean you like it oodles and bunches and arms-held-wide “diiiis much” - I mean it’s inexorably intertwined with fibre of your existence. If so, imagine diving head first into it and discovering, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that you’re Absolutely No Good at it. That’s the underlying fear - how exactly do you reconcile that and move on?

Here’s the thing though. If you look around, that pretty much never happens. The folks who turn their passions into successes tell us over and over that after being useless at the beginning (just like us normies!), they told self-doubt to suck it and kept it trucking with absolute focus and belief. The majority of those who gave it their all and didn’t find outrageous success did have a great chapter of their life, which was hopefully followed by a different but equally sweet one. And sure, maybe circumstances derail deserving people sometimes. But the human (and kitty cat) condition of being afraid to put our toes in the water derails us a hell of a lot more.

But I’ve always tried to make the best of fear, because without fears, there’s no art. - Tracie Bennett

                                 Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck. I’m doing it but fuuuuuuck.

Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself. And no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dream. - Paulo Coelho3

Most of the time, though, getting stuck in a questioning-your-qualities quagmire (bam. my alliteration game is lit af4) doesn’t have anything to do with some lofty goal. The challenge most of us face is simply being able to get out of our own way and experience - I mean really experience - life.  

We all know someone who is - well, stuck. Stuck in a dead-end job they hate, stuck in a relationship with an undeserving douche, or just stuck in neutral across the board. They’re bemoaning their current lot in life and you’re tearing your hair out pointing out all the moves they can make with the potential they have. Nothing crazy or overwhelming - just that small first step to get things moving. So if you can see it, and they can see it, what’s the prob, Bob?

This, I think, is a chance to out the annoyingly unblinking Fear (I’m starting to think this prick doesn’t have eyelids) on another one of his sneaky li’l techniques. Sure...when you’re just plain stuck, it’s depressing. Sure, you hate the fact that this is your life. But it’s a shitty life that you know. It sucks, but it’s nothing to be afraid of. This  new existence that these baby steps are supposed to bring - now that’s scary. What if, at some point, the Curb driver taking you through this new life (cuz it’s weird and unknown, so there’s no Uber or Lyft) drops you off in some fresh hell without so much as a Maps-enabled iPod? Without the tools to deal or road map to get out, there won’t be much to do except curl up in a fetal position and wait for your imminent demise. No siree, I’ll stick with my current conundrum. Final answer Regis, thankyouverymuch.

I honestly think this can be harder to push past than the fear of shooting for the stars. I know someone properly stuck in that place, and it’s heartbreaking how much of a struggle it is. And while I throw up in my mouth a little every time I get anywhere close to banal, overused bullshit or condescending platitudes, there’s no way around it: the only way to start moving out of this one is with those clichéd as Christ ‘small steps.’ If you know someone in that spot, and truly want to help, be prepared to be around and do some lifting. Because your feet can get heavy, man.

People have a hard time letting go of their suffering. Out of a fear of the unknown, they prefer suffering that is familiar. - That Nhat Hanh

I like when people compare or equate Fear with the devil. Mostly because I think a concept attributed to the latter 100% applies to the former as well. 

“The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn’t exist.” 

Fear-The-Fuckface isn’t any less sneaky - in fact, I’d argue he’s more so. Sure, he’s loud and proud when it comes to us being terrified of spiders, air travel and Willem Dafoe. But when he’s doing the real nitty gritty of putting our lives on pause and trying to break us at our core, he slips on his Groucho Marx glasses and moustache to stay incognito. At the risk of sounding like a broken record, the trick is to recognise him and know that once we act, there ain’t shit he can do. I, for one, can assure you he’s real. He and his stupid face are staring me down right now. That’s okay. We got one more to go.

I just realised that when I initially pictured Fear in my mind yesterday, he bore a passing resemblance to Digital Underground’s Shock G. Swear to God. And in a rare bout of perfection, a search for a picture of him brought up this.

I have nothing against Marianne Williamson. She seems like an exceptional human being that has helped millions - I just really hate that quote. Of course, she’s the one that wasn’t afraid to write and publish ten works that have sold over 3,000,000 copies, so maybe I should shut the fuck up.

I’m aware I used this quote already. But it applies here too, and I do what I want, bruh.

Don’t ever say “ay-eff” to me in real life instead of “as fuck.” I will literally slap you.

[whatrosesupposes]

Vocation - A Trio

A short story written several years ago for an assignment.

I've never been privy to the lazy mornings of the TV generation. Waking up is a quick and painful duty. Cracking the sleep from my joints I stand bruised in front of the mirror, counting my ribs in the half-light. It's 5:30 am and Pilates starts at 6. Jake's still in bed, a shifting mass of duvet resolutely on the left hand side. I can't remember the last time I wanted to reach out and touch him or even to talk to him . Mostly when we're together I just sit and stretch while he sits stoic at his laptop with eyes full of hurt; his frustration at sitting on the wrong side of the literary agent's desk taken out on its keys.

This is our life together; like the north and south hemispheres we coexist, revolving in harmony, but always separate. I bind my toes round with gauze, swaddling blisters and masking the bunions until I'm left with a clean canvas. Today I will create something a miraculous to justify the theatre rental and to prove wrong the ballet teacher, who told me I couldn't do it. I scrape my hair in to submission, driving pins in to the thinning coil of hair and look deep in to my own eyes, willing success to come from 28 years of life experience. Constanze said that dancing is like dreaming with your feet and it's been a long, long nightmare. Grabbing water and a banana I run for the tube.

***

It is a perfect morning on the Westminster Bridge. Sliding in to a minor cadence, I leave the small group of Nikon wielding tourists waiting for more and lean back against the balustrade. The air is clean and it sings in my lungs and caresses my cheeks. It's that early spring warmth which melts away the winter despondency; warming your chest and crowning green beauty with a rhapsody of blossom, I breathe it all in. The change falling in to my guitar case is superfluous noise as London composes its own never-ending soundtrack of bells and languages, traffic and water. Filled with the hope of the morning, I swing my guitar round and serenade the harassed commuters who are hurrying past with the good in the world, as told by Aerosmith.

'It's amazing , with the blink of an eye you finally see the light It's amazing, when the moment arrives that you know you'll be alright'

***

09:06am and I'm still tired. 12 hours sleep, 3 cups of coffee and a 15 minute cycle won't shake the lethargy of a Monday morning. I wonder if perhaps this is what it feels like to be dying; to be slowly melting in to nothingness with no way out and no idea when it will end. Or maybe I'm dead already and passing time in purgatory by filling in God's paperwork, one author rejection at a time.

Dear Mr Patterson,

Further to your phone call, we would be delighted to read a sample of your manuscript with aview to representing your work. Please send an extract of no more than 50 pages, a briefsummary and a covering letter to the address provided along with a self-addressed SAE forfuture correspondence.

Sincerely

<>

What I should really tell them is not to do it. Not to bastardize what is likely a terrible, generic but ultimately beloved manuscript in to 50 pages which will be skimmed by a bored intern, assigned two adjectives and returned to them in a A4 paper coffin whose weight will tell them that it's all over. It takes a certain cool callousness to do this job; the ability to detach human emotions and consequence from the sealing of the envelope, dismissing the tender memoirs of a grandfather as easily as an expose on cheating at the Gloucestershire Cheese Rolling Festival.

I don't think I'm cut out for this; this temporary job is taking over my life. My own writing is suffering, buried under the weight of all the rejections as I imagine each one I address landing on my doorstep. Every lunchtime I ignore the invitations to go out and live, curling in my chair and deleting page after page of what I had written the night before. There's always stuff to delete, born out of the ashes of my relationship with Anna, pages of hurt, tawdry in the light of day, cheapened by my lousy prose and clumsy metaphor. It tells the story of a writer who cannot write, but instead destroys the work of others and a dancer who dances around the truth of an injury which will never fully heal. Seeing her each evening, contorting her body in an attempt to regain the technique which age and a drunken motorcyclist have stolen from her breaks my heart, but the words which I find are no longer a language she can understand. The tragedy of our small lives is not lost on me but bows to the greater sadness of the world.

Perhaps it would be better if I went out today.

***

The lunchtime rush is about to begin and I'm singing Jerome Kern to an audience of confused teenagers. I continue, rising through a semitone and spiralling up through every note of the scale. This is a gift, exposing them to something new which is so old and so perfect in its construction; though it's a gift they refuse. They move off leaving a young couple behind, standing loosely apart as the diminuendo in to the final lines begins and I give them the words of Oscar Hammerstein,

'You are the angel glow that lights a star, the dearest things I know are what you are'

Their hands move unnoticed, bumping together and they look at each other as if they hardly realise what is happening.

' Someday my happy arms will hold you, and someday I’ll know that moment divine,

When all the things you are, are mine.'

As the final chord dies they smile in the sunlight, bound by the song and walk away, each wrapped in the perfection of the other.

***

Inhale and lengthen my spine. Feel each sinew separate and the muscles knit to control the movement; extend, extend, extend, tipping forwards in to beauty as my leg rises in an arc towards the ceiling. The perfect arabesque. Until I glance at the mirror and see the kink in what is supposed to be a straight line. This is the gift of the accident, a pelvic fracture and a deformed sacrum. My ballet will never be the same again and I've known for a year.

God! What am I doing? Am I really going to sell the apartment just to pay for a third class theatre to put on a show that I can't even perform? This isn't vocational anymore, it's deluded. Deranged. A lie. As I stand upright, the world falls in to focus, the sun is shining and I can hear music on the street. And I'm hungry, starving. I don't even pay for the studio before sprinting down the stairs to rejoin the world.

***

I sit down on a bench in the Victoria Tower Gardens and watch a pair of kids chasing each other around the Buxton fountain. I've always loved the fountain, especially the story it has to tell of freedom and of family. Today it glows against the sky, all the roof's little tiles wearing the sunlight, sparkling erratically where imperfections in the glaze refract the light. If ever there was a moment to write, this is it.

Ignoring the manuscripts in my bag I open up my Mac. I swear I can almost see the imprints of my fingers on the keys, the whole thing looks battered and tired matching itself perfectly to its owner. It strikes me as a sad comment on us all that you can identify a person more accurately by their appliances than by their hair colour or their clothes. Seems like we all look like our blackberries now instead of our dogs, I'm just a guy in a tired suit with a cardboard coffee cup working through lunch on his laptop .

Now that it's fully booted I hesitate to open the file, not wanting to sully the day with the imperfections of my writing. But I do it, beginning to read; there's no colour here. My work and I sit here, a dark spot on a postcard picture; conspicuous in our lack of vitality, our lack of life. I start to edit. Normally I cut out anything that I would reject in a submitted manuscript, but today I decide to cut out anything which is not real to me. I remove the forced sentences, delete the pretence and the dead hopelessness, the sections where nothing happens to anybody likeable. And I find myself staring at a blank page.

Nothing. Empty nothingness.

At a loss I close the laptop and pull out the scripts. The first, a story of a Polish immigrant whose brother transforms in to a dog, goes straight to the no pile. The next, Life as the Bird Flies, catches my eye as the sun slowly toasts me by the river.

***

In the mid afternoon lull the bridge is at its quietest. Pigeons search for the smallest scrap and take advantage of the lack of traffic to shake out their feathers in the sun. I strum a few chords with no one to sing to and serenade the day with David Gilmour's melody and the words of the bard,

'Nor shall death brag thou wander'st in his shade,

When in eternal lines to time thou grow'st.'

***

Who am I if I am no longer a dancer? Ever since I was a little girl I've pictured myself dancing, alone on a stage framed by a single spotlight. I never imagined how lonely that spotlight could be; all-consuming and cold, holding you apart from not only other dancers but from everyone. Swallowing the last of the hot-dog I bought, I smile at the grease on my hands and marvel at my body's easy acceptance of long-forbidden carbs. On a whim I pull out my mobile, wanting to find Jake and tell him of my realisation, but then pause before pressing the button.

How must it have felt to live with me? After two blissful years of almost sickening happiness he watched me replace him with a guest soloist role at the Royal Ballet. But it was him who sat at my bedside for a month when the motorbike tore my body apart, taking a job he didn't want to pay for private surgery and my recovery. He must hate me. I would hate me.

I've been walking a while so I sit to take stock of where I am. It's the South Bank, quiet on a week day but still dotted with of entertainers and families. I sit on a bench absently running my fingers over the inscription, thinking of Jake and how to prove to him that the girl he fell in love with still exists.

The inscription says

'Dearest April,

Love sat here every Sunday for 52 years, but will be remembered forever.

Always yours, Jack.'

***

All the things I ever wanted to write but couldn't find the words to say; words of comfort and hope for Anna, an imagined future for myself, a lovingly crafted spectrum of emotion encompassing the history of human grace, tragedy and remembrance. There is a twinge of sadness as I realise that a long-cherished dream of writing may never be realised, but at the same time I feel a new faith in the ability of humanity to survive and flourish.

I will survive and I will flourish. I yank out my phone and dial the number on the front of the script. I tell the answering voice to send me the rest of the book post-haste and schedule a tentative meeting should the conclusion match the breathtaking opening. My first book, first author and I know I can succeed. I consider running back to the office, to start planning my new life; mentally listing publishers, potential reviewers and readings at Foyle's. But I decide to wait for the rest of the script. Instead I begin to walk along the river bank towards Covent Garden determined to find Anna, and to make her look me in the eye. Tonight is either the end or the beginning for the two of us; I'm scared that it's the end, she's been so far away but I can't live like this anymore.

***

An hour later and I'm still sitting on the bench, palm resting on Jack's everlasting love letter. I'd never really thought before about how long life was, and how beautiful it could be. A little girl in a pink dress and tiny ballet shoes runs across my consciousness. I try to block out the memories, squeezing my eyes tight shut and to imagine the future instead of the past. The tiny dancer stubbornly trips across the floor, arms raised to her father and it's Jake scooping her up and holding her close, kissing the auburn curls. He crosses the room smiling at someone and I see myself, the dance teacher, healthy and happy, watching my daughter and her father together. I don't want to open my eyes and break the picture but as a pigeon brushes my leg the spell is over. I sit a moment longer with ancient love at my back and a tentative future before me and then start to walk towards Westminster Bridge.

***

She looks as though she's sleepwalking; tiny steps and a detached expression, ballet shoes dangling from their ribbons in one hand. He's just watching her. I think they know each other, or at least they used to but I can't read his expression. I'm struggling to find the right song to make things right for them. It's melancholic but beautiful, a song of hope and recovery and I can't think of it. I search her face, delicate features picked out in a pale ecru, eyes shadowed and almost violet in the sunshine. Something more or maybe less than human in her manner, she leans on the railings dangling her shoes over the drop and closes her eyes.

I find the song, Sarah McLachlan's Angel, and as I strum out the opening lines I see a tiny smile.

'Spend all your time waiting, for that second chance, for a break that would make it okayThere's always a reason, to feel not good enough, and it's hard at the end of the day'

I'm glad that she knows it, and I see him mouthing along eyes fixed on the side of her face, where her beauty is cut by a cheekbone sharpened with hunger. When a passer-by brushes her elbow, my fingers tighten on the frets, as if they could break her. I see him take a step forward too but still he's unsure. The verse's not enough, so I roll in to the chorus, pouring a lifetime of small moments in to the words,

'In the arms of the angels, fly away from here.

From this dark cold hotel room and the endlessness that you fear.'

But it falls short, she won't turn around and he's taken a step back again. Desperate I reach for inspiration and with a rush of breath I leap up on the balustrade. Someone shrieks and she turns around and darts towards me as he does the same. Feigning obliviousness I deliver the last two lines and leave them to end their story.

'You are pulled from the wreckage, of your silent reverie.

You're in the arms of the angels, may you find some comfort here'.

***

She's a body width away from me and looking at me in a way I barely remember.

'Anna', I reach a few millimetres in to the gap between us and she's in my arms, tiny and broken but all mine again. She doesn't say anything but just breathes in to me, filling my chest with her warmth. She fumbles for my hand, unsure of a welcome and I take it without hesitating.

As we turn to leave I see her pointe shoes are still on the railing. She sees me looking, tugs on my hand and with a smile she says,

'Jake, leave them there'.