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qeterqujll · 6 years ago

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blame (angels p.2); you have to live with the weight of a child’s death on your shoulders, but the angels are there to carry some of the weight for you

characters: castiel x reader, balthazar x reader, lucifer x reader, gabriel x reader, dean winchester, sam winchester

warnings: hella angst, fluff if you squint, murder/suicide (demon murder), cursing, self-hate, this does have a suicide in the beginning

You can still see her face so clearly, even after it had been a day since you’d finished the case. Her eyes had pleaded with you to save her, but the demon was in control of her body as it walked her to the edge of the building. It gave up control of her emotions in a cruel attempt at distracting you, showing you the fear in her eyes. It made you listen to her screams as you raced to get to her, all the while knowing that you would never be there in time.

“Help me!”

The girl cried for her mother as you ran towards her, eyes staring you down, knowing all too well that you wouldn’t be able to get to her in time. She was fighting the demon hard, but you both knew she wouldn’t be strong enough. And neither would you, not this time. You barely missed grabbing her hand before the demon took control back, a smirk replacing the defeated expression on the girl’s tear-streaked face.

And then she jumped.

You watched it happen in slow motion, the demon giving up control once again so you could see her face as she fell, hear her screams before she hit the ground and went limp. You breathed out a choked sob as you watched the demon take control back, standing and staring up at you triumphantly as if to say you can’t save everyone.

When you killed the demon, it was still inside the girl’s body. You’d stabbed the girl in the heart, oblivious to the audience you had until you heard her mother’s screams behind you. Until you felt her father grip your shirt and practically throw you to the side, your head hitting the floor harshly as you listened to them cry for their daughter.

She was already dead, you wanted to tell them, as if it would make a difference. As if it would do anything to ease the guilt threatening to consume you, it was the demon.

Her mother slapped you after gathering herself, screaming at you for killing her daughter, for taking her baby away after promising that you’d be able to save her. You listened to what she had to say, and your silence after she finished earned you another slap before the couple promptly asked you to leave and never show your face to them again.

Explaining anything would have been pointless. Their daughter was dead either way, and getting rid of the demon was the only other thing you could have done for them.

The last thing you want to do is arrive back at the Bunker. You know that Sam and Dean will tell you there was nothing you could’ve done and that you didn’t have a choice. That the girl was already dead.

They would have been able to save her. They would have done more.

“Y/N?”

You hadn’t even realized you’d walked into the Bunker until Sam is standing in front of you, taking your face between his hands to inspect the bruises the girl’s mother left before meeting your gaze, the concern in his eyes almost as obvious as the pain in yours.

“What happened?”

“Nothing.”

“Don’t–”

“I said nothing, Sam,” you push his hands away, moving past Dean before he can stop you and taking the stairs three at a time, slamming your door shut to make it as clear as possible that you need time to yourself.

You stand at the door, back against the wood as you attempt to clear your mind. But one memory of her face staring at you, pleading with you, and you break. You sink down to the floor with a choked sob, covering your mouth and burying your head between your knees.

“You killed her! You killed my baby girl!”

“Darling?”

You recognize the voice and bury your head further between your knees, not flinching when you feel a presence in front of you and a hand stroking the top of your head.

“The Winchesters prayed to us. They wanted to see if we could talk to you.”

You glance up at Balthazar and his eyes soften at the sight of you. You’re sure you’re a mess, but you can’t find it in you to care. Every time you so much as close your eyes, all you can see is her mother’s face as she blamed you for the death of her daughter and the anger in her father’s eyes as he watched you stab his little girl in the heart.

You see the face of the girl as she wondered if this was the last thing she would ever see. The face of the person who couldn’t save her.

A fresh wave of grief and guilt washes over you and Balthazar seems to notice this as he stands, taking your hands and lifting you up with him, leading you to the bed where the other three angels are standing.

“I won't read your mind, darling,” Balthazar sits first, then pulls you down next to him, draping his arm around you and pulling you into his side, “but you have to talk to us.”

“I can’t.”

The words are choked and you can barely contain another sob after opening your mouth, but Balthazar notices how distressed you are even after just those two words and he wraps his arms around you, pressing two fingers against your neck to turn your face into his chest.

“I couldn’t,” you gasp, struggling to get any coherent words out through your sobs, but Balthazar just squeezes you tighter and Castiel tells you to take your time, “I couldn’t save her.”

It takes you another moment to compose yourself but you finally feel your breathing begin to even out. You let go of the death grip you had on Balthazar’s coat and sit up, wiping your eyes and letting out a humorless laugh that makes you feel no better then you’ve felt since you got back.

“I was working a case without the boys. Possession. The demon possessed a girl, maybe seven or eight years old.”

You take a deep breath, images of the girl’s face, of the fear in her eyes as she stares at you playing in your mind.

“The demon took her to the edge of a building and it...” you take in a shaky breath, “it showed me her face just before it jumped and– and it took her body back to her house and I had no choice but to kill it. The girl was already dead but her parents...her parents didn’t know that. I didn’t know they were there and they watched me stab their daughter. Right in the heart.”

There’s a beat of silence and you will yourself to refrain from looking at any of the angels, unsure of whether you’ll see pity or dissapointment in their eyes. You don’t think you’d be able to handle seeing either.

“Y/N,” Castiel approaches you, putting two fingers to your forehead to heal the bruises on your face, “there was nothing you could have done to save her. And you were able to kill the demon before it could kill any others.”

“You should’ve seen them, Castiel,” you shake your head, “their faces when I killed her–”

“But you did not kill her, Y/N.”

“Does it matter?” you cry, standing and crossing your arms over your chest as if it will protect your heart from anymore grief. You turn and briefly see Lucifer and Gabriel glaring at Castiel for his blunt statements, but the tears in your eyes blur your vision enough for you to be unsure of what you’re looking at.

“I don’t deserve your pity or your comfort,” you shake your head, lips pressed in a tight line, “I was responsible for that girl and I failed.”

You’re caught off guard when Gabriel stands and wraps you in his arms, pulling you tight against him. You take a deep breath against his hair tickling your nose and practically go limp in his arms, letting him hold you up and take some of the weight off of your shoulders.

“You deserve the world, cupcake,” he whispers, “nothing could have been done. No one could have stopped that demon, not you or Sam or Dean–”

“You could’ve. You could’ve stopped her.”

“Maybe,” Lucifer says from his spot leaning against your dresser, arms crossed over his chest. You meet his eyes from over Gabriel’s shoulder and you can something in them, an emotion that you rarely see in Lucifer on full display now, when you all seem to be in your most vulnerable state, “but it doesn’t matter. You did all you could.”

You know they’re right. You’ve played it over and over in your head and not once did you find a scenario where the girl lived. If you’d run to her faster, gotten there quicker, the demon would’ve just jumped a second earlier. It timed the jump perfectly, knowing that you would reach the girl just a second too late.

“Darling, we know that you’re killing yourself over this,” Balthazar says from the bed, “and we understand why. This is the worst part of hunting, but it should not be on your shoulders. It was out of your control.”

“And if you ever need us, just pray. We’ll be there.”

The next morning, Sam and Dean come to check on you in your room and are greeted with the sight of you asleep in the arms of the devil himself while Gabe lays on your other side flipping through channels as he and Lucifer argue about what they should watch. At your desk, Castiel is trying to read one of your lore books as Balthazar relentlessly attempts to distract him. Dean raises an eyebrow at the scene, tapping softly on the door to get their attention. Cas looks up to greet the brothers while the others continue on with what they had been doing, unfazed by their presence.

“So is this gonna be a thing now?”

“Dean,” Gabriel pauses mid-argument with Lucifer, who takes the opportunity to steal the remote away from his brother, “could you please ask your brother to close his mouth before he starts drooling.”

Dean just shakes his head and shoves Sam out the door, closing the door behind him. He might not love the idea of you being close with angels who have betrayed them more times then he can count, but he knows he’ll have to deal with it. It’s not like he could take on four angels and one very angry hunter at once.

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team-free-winchester · 6 years ago

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Am I Dreaming? Chapter 7~ Castiel

Summary: After Castiel leaves y/n unsure of where they stand relationship wise. He returns with the Winchesters and interesting news on your stay in their world.

Pairing: Castiel x reader

Warnings: angst

Series Masterlist

I sat in shock staring at the spot where Castiel was standing minutes ago. One minute we're discussing feelings and the next minute he's gone, mid sentence he just poofed away. All I knew on his end was that it was out of one of my three scenarios I thought up and as I kept replaying them over in my head my heart kept sinking, two out of three weren't good and my odds weren't either. I don't really know how long they were gone but I never moved from my spot hoping that maybe I was dreaming or something, hoping that this wasn't really happening as the lump formed in my throat as I fought back the tears welling up in my eyes.

After a many deep breaths and a few stray tears I found myself regaining composure, ‘and apparently just in time for the guys to return’ I think to myself when I hear heavy footsteps heading towards my room. Wiping my face and meeting them at the door I greet them with a smile, “how was the hunt boys?”

“We found the reason you're here, we caught the son of a bitch,” Dean says completely ignoring my question.

“Cas is handling it, then when he comes back he will sent you home,” Sam adds resting a hand on my shoulder.

My heart drops as the final words slip out his mouth and my body tenses. They have been keeping me out to find a way to ship me off, they don't want me here yet this whole time I thought I was them becoming like part of the family. I nod stiffly and turn away from them causing Sam's hand to fall of my shoulder, without saying another word I plop onto my bed once more and press play on the movie I had picked earlier that day but never watched.

Both boys stared at me in shock before shutting the door and retreating down the hall somewhere. Once I couldn't hear their footsteps anymore I let tears fall silently as I choked back my sobs. This was the closest thing I felt to a real home and they didn't want me here. I silently cried throughout the whole movie I had on before finally deciding what I was going to do as I calmed myself for the second time that day.

Standing I strolled over to the desk retrieving the book that Castiel had gotten for me once he learned I liked to write and my favorite pen before sitting back in my bed. Settling into my spot once again I open to the nearest blank page and take a deep breath preparing for what I'm about to write and then setting my pen to the paper and beginning to write what I have to.

As in lost in what I'm writing I don't hear Castiel flutter in until he speaks causing me to jump nearly messing up my writing, “y/n..”

Closing the book I look up at him and take a deep breath, “I don't want to know which of the three options it is Castiel, I don't want to talk about that anymore it doesn't matter I'm leaving since you're here now to send me back to my universe.”

I don't look at him after I say that, I can't because I know I won't make it look believable. After a few minutes I hear him shuffle heading towards my bedroom door, “Meet us in the dining room when you are ready,” he says before he leaves the room closing the door a little harder than needed.

Taking another deep breath I open the book again looking at the page I was working on briefly before I decided how to continue what I was writing. Now that Castiel was here I had to be fast with this, of I took to long the boys would realize something is wrong. After ten more minutes I finish off the page I am writing and I close the book and head towards the library where I am assuming they will be waiting for me.

When I reach the doorway I find the room empty, so I decide to place the book on the table with a sticky note that says ‘read me’ before I set off to find them. After I couldn't find them anywhere I decided to head to the kitchen knowing I can probably find Dean there. I head towards the kitchen quietly, as I near the entryway I hear all three of them talking.

“What are you trying to say Cas?” Sam asks hesitantly.

“If I'm thinking right he's warning us before he makes a dumbass decision,” Dean barks out and I can hear his bitch face from where I stand.

“All I am saying is y/n was sent here for more than just the simple fact that she was in danger, that creature was after her for more reason than just to kill her. If we don't send her back now then she could be in worse danger Dean, she is supposed to be the mother of a nephilim,” Castiel sighs before adding “if she bares a child there is a high chance she could die in birth and if she survived she would be a target.”

“She already is a target just being in our presence Cas,” Dean begins to say.

I took this as my chance to make my presence known to all three of them, deciding to stop the tension from forming in the room over me. As I step into the doorway I look between them and I see I'm already too late by the way all three of them are looking at each other.

“Did I miss something?” I ask acting as though I didn't hear what they were just saying as I walked over to them.

All three shook their heads at me and Sam cleared his throat as Castiel began adding some more ingredients into the bowl he had on the counter “No, we uh were just talking about how it might be for you being back home after so long.”

Just as Sam finishes up his lie Cas speaks, “It's done,” he says causing me to nod and hug both Winchesters as he begins to draw out the same symbol I seen Balthazar draw in the French Mistake on one of the closet doors near the kitchen.

After saying goodbye to both the boys I walk over to the door and stop beside Castiel staring at him for a moment before I wrapped him in a hug one last time. When I pull away I look back at all three of them before I walk through the door and into the dark room. After waiting for a few minutes I open the door again and walk out only to be met with my kitchen in the apartment I haven't been in in so long.

Taglist

@sillydecoy @curlyhairdwinchester @salt-and-burn-my-life

#supernatural imagine #supernatural sam #supernatural dean #supernatural #supernatural cas #supernatural castiel #castiel x reader #castiel imagine #castiel #cas x reader #cas imagine #spn #team free will #tfw

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huntertales · 7 years ago

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Part Three: Only You Can Save Yourself. (Let it Bleed S06E21)

Episode Summary: Sam and Dean Winchester’s worst nightmares come true when the reader is taken hostage by Crowley after her demon side is freed. But things only grow worse when Lisa and Ben Braden are kidnapped as well, forcing the brothers to work with an unlikely alley to save the people they love. Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader Warning: Demon!Reader, mentions of violence. Word Count: 8,354. (........So that happened.)

Previous Part | Supernatural Rewrite Masterlist

Darkness had fallen outside an hour ago and Sam still hadn't seen any signs of his brother after the demon vanished. He left the two of them alone for ten minutes to figure out what somebody was supposed to do with a finger. Sam shuddered each time he felt the outline of the limb in the silk fabric. It made his mind wonder what kind of excruciating pain you had to go through. What sort of other things that were happening as him and his brother scrambled to find a location from demons that didn’t know much of anything from the handful Dean tried to interrogate.

Sam tried his hardest to shake the different scenarios that kept playing out in his mind, but what really had been on his mind was how his brother got the disturbed look expression on his face when he stepped back in the garage. He had only gone away after storing the dismembered finger into the freezer for when you might need it. Sam suspected the demon had spent the time while he was gone saying all sorts of things to get under Dean's skin to make him fall into such a state. When Sam tried asking what she might have said to make Dean so worked up, his older brother responded with complete silence.

Sam wasn't the one to drink his problems away, but he wasn't a stranger to warming up to the bottle when the times called for it. He felt the mood was right to indulge in a bottle after learning his best friend was kidnapped by the same demon who had pulled you from hell all to put you under heinous torture for the fun of it. And there was matters about dealing with a demon—the one who had been attached you since God knows how long—was freed after all this time to raise a little hell. Along with all of that trouble, there was still a rogue angel, someone that he used to call his friend, on the loose who might have been part of all this entire mess. Not to mention, the poor Braden family, innocent casualties in all of this mess.

The younger Winchester abandoned his research he’d been conducting on his laptop while he sat at the desk in the library. He’d been learning what he could about the horror writer and why he would want to open up a door to purgatory. He skimmed through a few of his stories he found as he nursed a glass of whiskey. Sam finished the last of his drink and sent himself on the quest to refill his glass. He wandered into the kitchen and found the bottle exactly where he left it. He fetched the bottle off the counter and poured himself a hefty amount this time, not sure what else more he could do that would require him in a sober state. It was a pitiful thought to have, but Sam didn't have you here to snap him out like you always did when he started to lose hope.

Sam let out a faint sigh from the defeated thought and headed back to the library to finish the reading he started. However the young man could only take a few steps before he found himself not alone in the Singer household anymore. The hunter narrowed his eyes on a face he thought he wouldn’t see much of again. “Drinking your feelings, Sam?” It was the angel Balthazar that was standing in the doorway that lead to the library. “I thought that was your brother’s bag.”

Sam looked down at the glass he was holding and back to the angel. He shrugged his shoulders at the behavior that was out of character for him. “Stressful times.” He muttered as he took a sip of his drink like he intended to before being interrupted.

"Well, we need to talk." Balthazar said. The younger Winchester raised his brow slightly as he watched the angel walked forward into the room. It seemed an angel like Balthazar had a different side to show after parting ways with Sam and his brother last night after not discussing a word about how he felt about participating in this situation. Sam asked why the both of them needed to talk. “Because—I know I’m gonna live to regret this, but…I happen to like Y/N. More than you and your brother. She's not someone you meet everyday. It would be awfully tragic for something to happen to her under circumstances like these. I decided that I’m officially on your team. You bastards.”

It felt a little too good to be true when Balthazar showed up out of nowhere, claiming he wanted to be on the winning side of this fight and help the common folk. Sam remained friendly as he could with the angel as Dean put his distance with Balthazar, not wanting to deal with another dick with wings. Dean stood in the kitchen with his arms crossed over his chest as he suspicious eyed the angel, trying to figure out the real reason why he would risk his life to do them a favor. Sam sat on the edge of the desk just a feet away as Balthazar stood in the middle of the kitchen while he told the boys why they should let him on their team.

“And we should believe you why?” Dean questioned the angel in a blunt tone.

“Would you believe I had a shred of decency?” Balthazar answered the hunter’s question with another. Sam didn’t seem to think such highly of the angel when he responded with a no. The angel looked at the younger man with a slightly saddened expression, Sam man didn't change his opinion on the matter. “Oh, that hurts...But, okay. You’re right. It’s survival. You see, I asked Cas some questions and I disliked his answers. He seems sure of himself for a man who wants to swallow a million nuclear reactors. I mean, these things can get a bit Chernobyl, you know? So, volia. Consider me your double agent. Oh, and I took the liberty of searching for your friends. Uh, took a while. Crowley's a clever one."

Dean's expression dropped when he heard the news slip out from the angel's mouth that might have been possibly the best thing he heard since all of this mess started. "You found Y/N?" Dean asked, the first thing he could think about was you. However he tried his hardest not to get his hopes up as he swallowed. "Did you have any luck with Lisa and Ben, too?"

"The upside is, yes. The downside is no, I can't get them for you." Balthazar told the brothers the bittersweet news he gathered during his absence away. The younger Winchester asked why he couldn’t. "Because Crowley angel-proofed the whole bloody building. I guess he doesn't trust Cas. It seems that marriage is going swimmingly."

"Okay, well," Dean looked over at his brother. He shrugged his shoulders slightly, figuring if Crowley was dumb enough to keep the three of you in the same building, unlike what he was told from their phone conversation, this might be easier than they originally planned. "Get us close as you can."

"Sure." Balthazar agreed. "But then you're on your own."

The Winchesters weren't strangers to facing an amount of demons that left them at as the outnumbered party. They were prepared for whatever Crowley tried to throw their way in order to rescue you and the Braden family alive. However adding another member to the team would be helpful, as they were always used to working with a third member, but they would handle the situation with just the two of them. The boys thought it was just going to be them trying to solve this problem while Bobby was away chasing down another lead. They weren't expecting tonight was a knock on the front door, even right after the plan they were discussing.

Considering the circumstances over the past few days, it didn't come as such a shock when they saw Josh standing on the porch. Unlike last night, the man wasn't here to confess more about the mess he helped create. Instead he wanted to fix it before it could grow worse. Josh stood with his hands in his pockets and a guilty, but serious expression on his face when the brothers answered the door. He waited a moment if either one of them were going to slam the door or punch him in his face. The boys didn’t. They wondered what he could possibly want.

“Look, you have every right to be pissed off at me and slam the door in my face. But before you do, let me start off by apologizing.” Josh spoke up first. He took his hands out of his pockets and raised his arms to show the boys he came in peace. Neither one of them changed their blank expressions as they listened to what the man had to say. “I’ve been thinking about this situation again and again...And you’re right. I don’t know what’s good for Y/N. Hell, I don’t know anything about this crap. I just wanted to help her. I didn't mean to drag all of you into this mess."

Josh wasn’t sure what he should have expected when he tried to ask for forgiveness from the two men that were your best friends, too. They were the people who knew the real you. Much as he wanted to get to know the different side of you, there was still so much more to learn. The Winchesters didn’t say much of anything. He swallowed slightly as he continued on. “If there’s anything I can do to make this situation better, I’ll do it. I swear. Just let me help."

Dean considered the offer for a moment as he eyed the man for a moment. “Y/N mentioned that your dad was apart of the Marines, right?”

"Yeah. Half of my family's war veterans. My great grandfather fought in the first world war, grandfather in the second and my dad in the Vietnam war. I’m not a stranger to a gun, if that’s what you really want to know.” Josh said, having a slight hint to what the older Winchester might be asking. "My dad got me one when I was ten. Learned how to shoot in my backyard. Mom was pissed. And I also learned pretty quickly how to throw a punch. My dad's friends were all ex-Marines. They had a few sons that followed in their footsteps. A few of them liked to try and kick my ass. You learn how to defend yourself.”

Sam felt a little hesitant about all of this when he figured out what his brother was trying to do. He thought about the idea of having another pair of hands as backup with them. Josh might not have experience like they had, but he did come from a family with rich military background. But he wasn't convinced just yet. "You know how to conduct an exorcism?"

"Forwards and backwards. All fifty words are burned in the back of my brain. Thanks to Y/N. Along with how to properly draw a devil's trap and throw a gnarly right hook. Also," Josh pulled down the collar of his shirt he was wearing to reveal a familiar looking tattoo on his chest. It was the anti-possession symbol. "She convinced me to get one...after last time."

Dean let out a sigh as he took a step backwards and opened up the door wider for Josh. Before the man could take one step inside, he pointed his finger at the man. "I'm gonna warn you now, you screw this up—even the slightest—and I’ll kill you myself. Got it?” Dean warned the man. He stared at the older Winchester and nodded his head. Dean rolled his eyes. “All right. Get your ass in here. We still got a lot to cover.”

+ + +

The fight was always stacked against their favor but the Winchesters felt confident about this one with another player on their team. Josh had proven himself useful in more just his book intelligence when he properly loaded up a gun Dean handed him as his first test. He managed to load the chamber into the gun in record timing and took a few tries to get back into the routine of what it was like to shoot off a gun before taking down every target Dean set up for the man outside when he dedicated a few minutes to see what Josh was capable of. The man also recited the exorcism spell in perfect Latin as he shot off each round to prove himself.

It was still a risk bringing him along, but Josh promised that he would stay out of the way and keep a low profile. Whatever they needed him for, he would do it. If he learned anything from his father about the Marines, it was that you never leave a fellow brother behind. The boys packed up everything they would need and armed Josh with a flask, a shotgun full of rocksalt and a few other necessities one might need on this fight ahead. Balthazar kept his promise by helping the brothers and Josh into getting to the outskirts of the location, the rest would be up to them.

Josh was feeling nervous—the kind where he felt a little lightheaded, but yet, at the same time, he was thrilled at the chance of redeeming himself. He could finally undo all the things that he wrongfully did that landed all of you here. He settled with the idea that if he got you back alive then it meant his grandparents would be good as dead. Josh mentally prepared himself for that outcome if this were to backfire in his face. They were older and had experienced life. He knew once his grandmother passed away his grandfather would be next to go. Josh had a feeling they had settled with the idea that their time on earth was nearing an end. But you had so much more to offer to this world and the darkness that lurked in the shadows.

The three men weren't sure what to except from the hideout Crowley was using to stash away you and the Braden family. All they knew that every floor of this place was bound to be crawling with demons, Dean counted one in particular would be there as well. He was hoping she would be there. Balthazar managed to get the men from Bobby’s kitchen and to the alley behind the abandoned warehouse building in the matter of seconds. Josh tried his hardest to hide his sheer amazement at how everything changed around him. The feeling didn’t last very long when he spotted the eerie looking building just ahead. He swallowed slightly as fear crept up on him.

“Alright, boys, this is where I get off.” Balthazar said. “God be with you and what have you.”

Balthazar parted ways with the Winchesters and their friend after giving them some encouraging words of advice for whatever that was waiting for them inside. Josh mentally prepared himself for the trouble that was about to unfold as he adjusted the shotgun he was instructed to carry and only shoot at the people who were charging after him with black eyes. The boys were ready for their first obstacle when they heard through the silence and quiet rain of a door opening not too far away from where they stood. Dean made sure to give Josh a warning to stay quiet and behind them, but also cautious for what he might need to do if duty calls.

The demon that made this mistake of stepping out from the building helped the Winchesters out in knowing there was a way of slipping into the building without much trouble. While they still had to figure out how many demons were still inside, they focused on taking the first one down and heading inside to see how bad it was. As the demon made his way down the ramp to inspect the alley outside, he didn't notice a stranger coming up from behind until it was too late. Dean took his opportunity when the son of a bitch faced him, and without hesitance, shoved the knife right into his stomach. Dean grabbed ahold of the dead body that started to slump forward and balanced him on the iron railing where, down below, Sam and Josh worked together in disposing the body onto the ground with a quiet thud.

Josh stepped back from the dead body he just witnessed get stabbed to death by a knife that he knew not only killed the demon, but the man he was possessing as well. Dean wiped the blade clean off on his jeans and was about to head inside. However he found himself looking down below at Josh to see how he was handling witnessing his first murder. The man stared at the body with almost a blank expression o n his face. “Look, we got a lot of ground to cover—”

"I'm not squeamish. I've been around dead bodies before. This is nothing compared to how my parents' bodies looked after the car accident. And my grandfather had his leg blown off in the second war. Told me all sorts of stories and showed me pictures—awful things that makes this look like a walk in the park. I'm not a coward." Josh defend himself with whatever sort of judgement the older Winchester was thinking. He looked up at the man and gave him a serious expression. "Like you said, there's a lot of ground to cover. Let's go."

Dean didn't miss a beat when he figured that Josh might have the stomach for this kind of stuff, after all. His brother and Josh followed behind when he made his way to the entrance. Sam opened the door the demon had came out from and took a quick sweep of the surroundings before slipping himself inside, Dean going in after as Josh followed behind, making sure to close the door quietly behind him to keep the element of surprise. The three men wandered inside to see they didn’t have many options of where to go next. Josh noticed there was a path leading forward and another that took someone down a right hall. The rest of the building was fenced in, leaving him trapped. But it wasn’t like he wanted to skip out. He was here because he wanted to make sure you were all right. No demon was going to stand in his way.

“All right,” Dean decided which way he was going as he took a step forward to the right. Before he departed ways, he looked at his brother and to Josh. He nodded his head at the other man for what he was about to embark on. “Be careful.”

Josh watched as the older Winchester began on his own journey down the hall. Before he could watch him disappear from his sight, he turned his attention over to Sam, who directed for him to follow behind as the both of them went down the hall that look like it had been abandoned for a decade. For a moment, as Josh wandered down the empty warehouse halls, he felt like he was in a horror movie. He looked over his shoulder each time he swore he heard something off. But he reminded himself that he needed to stay focused. This wasn’t the time to be afraid of every little noise that was probably just the wind. It was a stormy and rather cold night, a perfect setting for what he was witnessing unfold in front of his very eyes.

Josh continued walking through the building with Sam, feeling like the both of them worked quite well as a team from the way they maneuvered together cautiously down the empty halls. Both of them had each other’s backs if a demon tried to pull a stunt. Josh channeled all those war stories his father and grandfather used to tell him about combat. He pretended that he was one of them. He might not grown up like a soldier like the Winchesters, but he had it in his blood. He remembered the important rule his grandfather drilled in his head about relationships.

The bond you share with your brothers was stronger than an army full of soldiers coming after you. His grandfather proudly admitted to taking down ten Nazis with a buddy of his all on their own. He said it was all about strategy, patience and the element of surprise when you pull the trigger and land a bullet in Nazi scums’ brains. His army friend had time to develop a strategy with his grandfather, the both of them could communicate without even speaking a word. Josh and Sam didn’t have that bond quite yet. And while the both of them had remained cautious, even the best soldier can get jumped by the enemy.

Sam was the one who stopped dead in his tracks for a moment when he heard something like a metal pipe falling in the near distance. Both men pointed their guns in the direction of where the heard the noise come from. Neither one of them made a move as they scanned the area in the dim lighting of what they had, wondering if they could spot a stranger in the distance, guessing it might have been a demon who made that noise. Unless it was some kind of animal that might have accidentally knocked down a rusty pipe or something.

Josh slowly took a step forward to try and see if he could make out might have been the one. He looked best as he could for only a few seconds before letting out a faint sigh, presuming that it was just some sort of animal. Josh turned around to face the younger Winchester to shake his head. Only he noticed someone jumping down from the piping above, a perfect spot he would have never guessed to inspect for people to hide. Josh opened his mouth to warn Sam about the demon that was about to attack him. He quickly aimed his gun to shoot him, but it was too late for the both of them. Josh felt a sudden pain rush through his head, all before his sight turned into darkness.

+ + +

You didn't know how long you've been stuck in this chair, handcuffed with a throbbing hand from what she did to you. You couldn't describe what the feeling was like. It was like you were missing something every time you wiggled your fingers. You tried to examine the wound best as you could, but your right eye was nearly swollen shut from how hard one of those demons punched you to keep you quiet when you started asking too many question about where Lisa and Ben were. He told you to worry about yourself than that bitch and brat. Trouble was coming your way. And it came in the form of the black eyed bitch that cut off your damn finger.

Everyone always wondered what it would be like to see an exact carbon copy of themselves. You were one of the lucky ones that had friends who liked to make sure that every single detail was right. She might have looked like you, but you knew the soul in her body was the rotten side you had tried so hard to wash away. You did everything in your power to hold her down and keep her hidden from the light and put her back where she belonged. You wanted nothing more than to be human. And while it took a few trips to hell, selling your soul to a demon and losing a friendship with an angel to get you to this point. You suddenly regretted everything you wanted.

She was the reason why you were in this position, handcuffed to a metal chair with your ass feeling like it had fallen asleep and legs turned numb while every breath you tried to inhale felt like your lungs were being punctured. That might have been due to the fact that she made sure to crack a rib or two after brutally beaten you while she went on about the story of how she kidnapped Lisa and Ben. She reminisced about how she got under Dean’s skin when he grabbed your finger from her pocket. The smile of amusement that crossed her face when she told him about how you wanted to get married to him. And that little story she made up—something about you being pregnant. She laughed and said, “You had to be there. It was hilarious.”

It was your natural instinct to tell her to go screw herself where the sun didn’t shine and pretend that what she was doing to you didn’t hurt. But this was different from being tortured in hell. You couldn’t slip away from the pain. She made sure you felt every punch and kick whenever you tried to threaten her. You should have learned your lesson when you told her that you were going to kill her. She responded with a smile and a quiet chuckle at how hard you were trying to remain strong. Only she was the one who had the power here, and she made sure to show you how strong she really was.

While you recovered from a punch to the stomach that knocked out the wind from your lungs, she pulled out a set of keys from her pocket, freeing your left hand from the cuffs. You had little time to realize what she was doing to fight back. She grabbed your arm, and with both of her hands wrapped around the limb, she snapped it like a turkey bone, causing a nasty breaking sound to echo through the room and a pain you hadn’t felt in a long time. A scream of pain from the unexpected attack escaped your throat, giving her the reaction she wanted. She wanted nothing more than to see you in pain, for you to understand she was the one in charge here.

She watched as you attempted to brush off the pain like it was nothing, but she could see the tears forming in your eyes as you tried to inhale deep breaths, trying to ignore the broken ribs to care for your arm. She crouched down so she was at your level with her hands wrapped around the armrest of where your right arm remained. She bent over slightly to make sure you heard her. “Don’t make promises you can’t keep, Y/N. You don’t want me to break your other one, now do you? ‘Cause this party's just getting started.”

You winced in pain when you felt her lightly pat your bruised cheek as she chuckled to herself before pushing herself back up to her feet. You tried your hardest to ignore the different aches and pain rushing through your body as you shut your eyes for a moment as a pair of footsteps entered the room. She left you alone to figure out why one of the demons that were supposed to be doing their job of keeping an eye out for unwanted trespassers. You could only hear the sound of hushed whispers among the two. And while he sounded slightly nervous, you could see the smile on her face when she let out a quiet chuckle.

“Let 'em have his little fun." She whispered to the other demon, making sure her voice was loud enough for you to overhear. “I already have a backup planned setup. Ain’t nobody making it out of here alive, that’s for damn sure.”

+ + +

Josh wouldn’t consider himself a very claustrophobic person. He handled tight spaces well like the rest of the human population. But he wasn’t sure how to handle the kind of circumstances he woke up to with a throbbing pain in the back of his head, reminding him quickly what had lead him to this. He woke up face down on the ground, the concrete underneath him cushioned by what felt to be wet leaves that started to soak through his clothes. Josh tried his hardest to sit up straight, but considering his height, he banged his head on top of the ceiling of his what felt to be confinements, making his headache grow even worse.

Josh couldn’t see much of anything except for a slit of light coming from a crack on the floor. He felt around at his surroundings to see he didn’t have much room, just a foot to move his feet and only a few inches above his head to lay. Josh managed to move himself slightly so he was now lying on his back. He tried to keep himself calm as he tried to feel around for something that felt like a door—something that those demons used to put him in here.

His first instinct was to feel around at where the light was coming from. He felt metal against his skin, but no sort of handle to show that it was a door. Josh swallowed as he lightly banged on the metal door, wondering how tough it was. Perhaps he could try and kick it down. Most of this place was rusty and falling apart. He gave the metal a good knock, admitting an echo through the air. Josh suddenly regretted his move when he suddenly heard the sounds of what might have been footsteps as the light began to shift, signaling there was someone outside. He quieted his breathing as he waited for his punishment to come…

“Josh?”

“Sam?” Josh expected a lot of things to happen tonight, but he found himself thrown through a loop when he heard the younger Winchester’s voice coming from just outside. He wondered for a moment if he had been captured, too. “Are you okay?”

Josh gotten his answer when he was told to back away best as he could for what was about to happen next. He wasn’t sure what it was, but the sound of a gun going off made him nearly jump right out of his skin. Josh heard the sounds of shuffling feet and a metal hitting the ground. A few seconds later he was blinded by the dull light that entered the small confinements that he had woken up in just a few minutes prior. Josh adjusted his eyes to see that it was Sam with an arm outstretched for him to take a gun in the other. He didn't question why as he got himself out of the coffin like space and back up to his feet.

The first thing Josh noticed was how his clothes stuck to his body from the wet grounds. But he felt the discomfort become overshadowed when he saw Dean with a woman he had never seen before and a kid that looked to be no older than twelve. This must have been Lisa and Ben he heard. He winched slightly when he saw Lisa lying in Dean’s arms, a blood stain in her stomach. He was afraid to ask what happened, so he focused on the task of trying to figure out where you were in the small crowd of people. Josh looked everywhere, but you were not to be seen.

“Where’s Y/N?” Josh asked, ignoring the fact there was an unconscious woman in Dean's arms that appeared like she needed medical attention. He didn’t think about that. All he could wonder was where the hell you were. He looked at the brothers and asked again, “Where the hell is she?”

"We don't know. She's still in here somewhere. But Lisa needs to get to a hospital. Sam, take her." Dean instructed for his brother to carry the woman as he handed her off gently as he could so he couldn’t cause her more pain than he already inflicted. "Josh, go with them. Find them a ride and get the hell out of here."

"No." Josh shot down the idea. Dean didn't hesitate to give him a threatening glare when he tried to change his plans. "I'm going with you."

Dean was too on edge to disagree with the plan. He rolled his eyes and grunted in agreement. There was still hope that all of this could be fixed if Sam bolted out of here with the Braden family. He looked down at Ben, who was still holding the shotgun, remaining brave, even after all the circumstances he had been through. Dean stepped forward and placed a hand on the young man’s shoulder and gave it a tight squeeze.

“Everything’s gonna be fine. I promise. Sam’s gonna make sure you and your mom get out of here.” Dean reassured Ben. He tried his hardest to put on a smile, even though in the back of his mind there was still someone that he cared about in here. “I’ll be back soon as I can.”

Ben was too young to understand what was going on and the circumstances that were happening. His expression was hurt when he realized that Dean wasn't coming with them, but he took a page of the Winchester book, he swallowed down his emotions and nodded his head. He knew that no matter what happened his mother would always be second best. Nobody would ever matter much as stupid Y/N did. Ben remembered what he said back when he tried to get him and his mom back in the same room again.

“Sometimes dead is better. And if Y/N was dead, maybe you could stay.” Ben still felt the same way about the situation. But he didn’t dare breathe a word about this. He followed behind Sam when the both of them started to make their journey out of the building and to the hospital after finding a car. What he was most worried about was making sure that his mom was all right.

Dean felt guilty for abandoning Ben and his brother at a time like this. But there was still another person he cared and loved deeply in this building. And there was nobody that was going to stand in his way, not even that bitch. Josh and Dean had never really seen eye to eye before on a lot of things. They fought on a few occasions and already claimed to do the right thing in your honor. This time, when it really mattered the most, the both of them pushed their personal differences aside for the common good of getting you out of here alive.

Oddly enough, the two men worked quite well together as a team as they both took down the remaining amount of demons that were still crawling around here while they scoured the entire building for some sort of trace to point them in the direction of where you were. But there wasn’t much to go on. Dean was starting to lose hope that Balthazar was right about you being here. It seemed like Crowley might not have been bluffing about making this harder than he thought. As he started to lose hope, he heard the softest noise coming from down the hall he and Josh were occupying after taking down a few demons. Both of them figured it wouldn’t hurt to investigate.

You were alone once again after she drifted off somewhere else for a short while. It was a relief and yet a curse. Before she left you alone she made sure to handcuff your arm back up, acting like she hadn't snapped the bone in half like it was nothing. You had no way of escaping if you wanted to. Every part of you ached. The idea of moving made you feel sick to your stomach, or maybe that was the dehydration you felt along with the hunger pains from being neglected of the things you needed to survive. You sniffled as you involuntarily inhaled yet another breath.

Part of you wanted to give into the urge of crying from the pain that you were in from your throbbing head and jaw, all the way down to your legs that you couldn't feel anymore. What really made you feel the worst was your missing finger, the one she mercilessly cut off and paraded around like it was some kind of toy. It was gone forever. You knew if you ever made it out of here alive, if there was a chance that the boys figured out where you and the Braden family were, you were never going to be the same. You let out a sigh as you shut the one eye that you could, feeling defeated at how all of this was turning out.

Right as you were about to give up on all of this, life always had a funny way of improving before it could get worse. You felt someone ever so lightly touch your shoulder, breaking you out of the thoughts that were clouding your mind. You slowly opened up your eyes to see a face that you thought that you might never see again. The ends of your lips stretched into a smile as you opened your mouth to speak Dean's name, but the action made you wince in pain, the bruising around your jaw was too much at once. He felt overwhelmed with happiness at the sight of you. But you could see the horror in his eyes when he inspected the damage that was done.

“What the actual hell?” You were greeted by another voice that you weren't expecting to hear. It was of a face that part of you didn’t want to ever see again. Because he was partially the reason why you were here in the first place. But Josh Carver was a man nobody couldn’t stay mad at for too long. His intentions were pure, and like you and the Winchesters, he made a mistake he was trying his hardest to fix. He reached a hand inside his pocket and gave you a small smile. You could see that he was trying his hardest to remain calm, even though he knew deep down Josh was blaming all of this on himself. “Hey, it’s gonna be okay. We got you.”

"Two handsome men to my rescue. What a sight to see." You couldn’t move your jaw all that well, but you managed to speak without moving your mouth too much. Never in a million years would you have expected to see Josh and Dean in the same room without wanting to rip each other's throats out. Now the both of them worked together to get your hands free from the cuffs that kept you restrained. You looked around the room best as you could, trying to hide the pain when you moved. “Guys, she’s—”

“We know. But we gotta get you out of here first. Hey, help her—” Dean instructed for Josh to try and help you up to your feet by balancing one side and him with the other. He touched your left arm in attempting to do so. But all he managed to do when he touched you made a muffled cry of pain escape you as he flinched slightly, swearing he felt something hard and slightly sharp poke him through the fabric of your jacket.

Dean refrained himself from swearing when he realized what it might have been, a broken bone that pierced the skin. He noticed that you could move your right arm when you cradled a fist into your palm and attempted to stay quiet. Dean nodded for Josh to take your good arm and wrap it around his shoulder. Josh attempted to do so as he bent down slightly to get a good grip around your waist to balance your weight on his own. But even touching that area caused you even more immense pain from the look that crossed your face.

“It hurts.” You couldn’t help yourself but whine at the excruciating pain you felt from the slightest pressure put on your rib cage. There wasn’t an ounce of self control in you anymore when you felt hot tears starting to roll down your cheeks, feeling like you couldn’t take much of this. “Dean, I can’t—”

"Hey, hey. Sweetheart—look at me." Dean cut you off before you could claim that you couldn't go any further. He crouched down at your level and forced you to stare at him directly in the eye. "It hurts. I know it does. But we gotta get you out of here and to a hospital. And the only we can do that is if you get yourself up to your feet. That's all you gotta do. Okay?"

Every fiber of you wanted nothing more than to have one of them whack you against your skull so they could just carry you out of here. But you reminded yourself that you’ve been through worst pain before. You inhaled a deep breath and nodded your head, showing Dean that you could do this. You looked over at Josh and extended your right arm so you could let him attempt to help carry you again. It took a few tries before you managed to get yourself up to a standing position after you managed to get the feeling in your legs back again.

You sucked down every sort of curse word and insult at the tip of your tongue at how much pain you were putting yourself through. The three of you managed to make it all the way across the room with no sort of trouble. The possibility of escape without much trouble crossed your mind. You wondered if she ran off when things started to get tense. Whatever sort of tricks she had up her sleeves were no match for the Winchesters. However the wishful thinking wasn't the case when you saw the bitch appear out of thin air, blocking the one exit that you needed to get the hell out of here. Dean stopped dead in his tracks when he saw the demon with those black eyes and a smirk he wanted to punch right off her face.

“Leaving so soon, boys? But you just got here.” She said. Her tone of voice mocked a saddened one when she realized what you were trying to do. “Y/N and I were starting to have fun. You should really join us.”

Dean pretended to think for a moment about the idea of sticking around in this mold infested place and being tortured by the demon who put all of this elaborate plan together. She raised her brow slightly as she crossed her arms over her chest. The hunter took it as an opportunity to take his chance. You watched as Dean lunged forward with the knife in attempt to take down the demon once and for all. But you should have known she would have seen that coming.

It all happened so fast. You felt Josh's grip around your body disappeared and replaced by the brutal force of concrete against your backside when she pinned you against the wall. You withered in pain at how the act not only knocked the air out of your lungs, but sped up your heartbeat, making breathing even worse. You forced yourself to manage the pain as you slowly opened your eyes to see what was going on. You spotted the demon knife was just a few feet from your reach. but Dean was nowhere to be seen. Your eyes darted around the room until you spotted him and Josh just across the room, her back turned to you. You could just see the smile on her face when she let out a sigh and placed her hands on her hips.

“This is nice, isn’t it? All of us together in one room. I'd apologize for the obstacles I put you boys through to get you here, but you can't be too safe these days. There's a lot of psychos just wanting to hurt people. " She said, the remark causing a smile to spread at the ends of her lips. The two men didn’t find it amusing as she had. The demon peered down at the two men for a moment as she began wondering what she could do. "Too bad Sammy's not here. It would make my life a lot easier. I mean, I got a laundry list of people I need to check off. Starting with you three chuckle heads.” Dean tried his hardest to somehow break free from the hold she had on him and Josh. But he knew it was no use. He was like a fly trapped in a spider’s web, watching as the black widow crept closer to him with all intentions of eating him alive. “Get in line, princess.” Dean said. “You ain’t—” "I'm the only one that matters. 'Cause after I get with you three I'm going straight after Sammy, then your little slut and her bastard child. And that's just the beginning, baby." She said. She cuff off the Winchester from speaking by squeezing her fist to stop the air supply from his lungs. She watched him struggle as she continued talking. "Then when all of you are out of my way, I'm going after the big dogs. Crowley and Castiel will never see it coming. They're too worried about finding Purgatory to watch their backs.”

You swallowed slightly as you watched her movements. She was too focused on hearing herself talk, she didn't notice when you started to slowly inch yourself over to the knife. Much as it caused you pain to move, it was the only option you had left. "Those idiots think if they can get away with what they did to me, they've got another thing coming. Those souls are mine. I worked my ass off for them. And I had to be trapped with that thing for decades. Three freaking decades with her behind the wheel and ruin everything I’ve always wanted.”

You pressed your back against the wall when you watched her look over her shoulder to give you a look of disgust before turning her attention back over the two men. "Being trapped in your own body? It's worse than hell. But thanks to you idiots, I’m free. And I'm not gonna stand back and watch those idiots ruin the one thing Lucifer promised me. If Raphael wants a rematch, fine. I'll kick his ass. I'll show this world how it was supposed to be. I'll be the new bloody Devil—"

There was one thing that you and the demon side of yourself had in common and it was control. The both of you always wanted to have whatever you were up against in your favor. You couldn't tell how many times you tried to solve a problem by taking it on as your own and ignoring help from others. It was how you landed yourself in this situation in the first place. She was exactly everything you hated about yourself—controlling, vicious, power hungry, always wanting things she couldn't have. And it seemed fitting that it was you who plunged the knife into her back, taking her by complete and total surprise. Because if there was one thing you loved about yourself, it was defying people's expectations.

You stood behind her with a smirk of your own on your lips when you looked down to see the blade was peaking out of her stomach. For a moment you forgot about the pain as you enjoyed this victory. The moment you had been waiting for since you learned about how your mother sold her soul to have a child, about being a half demon and fighting constantly to be yourself. You ripped the knife out and watched as she still stood there, shock crossing her face from what you did. Blood began to slowly trickle out of her wound, but she made no effort to stop it.

"The only person who's dying tonight is you." You hissed at her. "Say hi to Lucifer in hell for me, you bitch. ‘Cause that’s where you’re going.”

You finished what you started by shoving the knife into her heart, watching as the woman who looked like you—but carried everything you hated about yourself—stared at you with a scared expression from what you did. It was her turn to feel the torture and the agonizing pain. You stepped back and watched as she fell to the ground, the expression forever frozen on her face.

Silence fell between the three of you as all of you stared at the dead body that laid on the floor. You heard the sound of your own shallow breathing and your heartbeat pounding in your ears. Slowly, you moved your gaze away from the body and to Dean, who seemed even more surprised at what had unfolded. You found yourself suddenly overwhelmed with the urge to cry. It wasn't because you were sad, it was the quite opposite. You wanted to cry out of relief because you were happy. You were overwhelmed with what you had accomplished all on your own.

"It's over." You whispered so quietly, you barely heard yourself. You let out a faint laugh, slowly, it grew into a glorious laughter that made your ribs hurt even more. You didn't care. Everything you ever wanted—everything you ever fought for—was here. "Oh my God. It's..."

You wanted to finish what you were saying, but you found yourself suddenly stopping when you felt the pain becoming overwhelming and the ability to breathe becoming harder. The two men were up on their feet when they saw your eyelids suddenly growing heavier as you started to wobble around. Before you could hit the ground, Josh managed to grab you as Dean fetched the demon knife. Both of them didn't waste a second in getting out of here, leaving the body of the demon that you had killed behind.

[Next Part]

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littlehollyleaf · 7 years ago

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Ask a writer!

tagged by @mysillylittlesoapbox (yes I do still write fic... sometimes :p I’m afraid it’s all Gotham now though!) ...I don’t usually do memes about my writing though so, this should be...interesting...

1. How did you come up with your username and what does it mean?

my name is holly, holly leaves are a thing, I wanted to just be ‘hollyleaf’ but it was already taken so I figured ‘well hey, I’m also small...’ and voila! (no, I’m so sorry, but the Warrior Cats series was not involved at any point, I still haven’t read them and only know a character has my username, or a version of it, because of all the asks I keep getting about it :P)

2. Which fanfic of yours has the most feedback? (bookmarks/favorites, follows/subscriptions, visitor hits, kudos)

So I had a quick glance at AO3 and this is something it looks like WAAAAY too much effort for my lazy ass to figure out, plus I dunno how accurate the AO3 stats would be for my stuff anyways because I only very recently put all my fic on there after having most of it posted (and therefore commented on and otherwise interacted with) solely over at LJ for years and years...

I would imagine it’s Imitating Life (spn, deancas), because that’s the one I remember getting the most feedback for. So I’ll just go with that!

3. What is your FFnNet/AO3 profile icon, and why did you choose it?

It’s the same as my tumblr one. Because it’s me and I already had the image saved in an appropriate size. I know, dull right?? (back on LJ I was OBSESSED with finding and/or creating SO MANY different icons to convey different moods and whatnot - they were basically an oldschool version of reaction gifs I guess - but on any other platform I’ve been just... meh about the icon thing... idk!)

4. Do you have any regular/favourite commenters?

@vampirebillionaire has been a regular for my Gotham stuff, notable for jumping ship with me into foxma :) (well not jumping... simultaneously enjoying :p), for which I am profoundly grateful xx but generally my fic style and content is a bit... eclectic I guess? so no, no one who is super regular

5. Is there a fanfic that you keep going back to read again and again?

Of my own? Nah. Well... not AGAIN AND AGAIN like on the regular. I HAVE re-read my stuff OF COURSE :p But usually it’s me re-reading previous parts of a series/set to get the feel for the story/characters again as I write new stuff. Though admittedly I have re-read Imitating Life more than most probably, to check it still reads okay.

As to other authors’ fics - I must confess that I read less and less these days, so there is def not a single one I constantly return to.

I have, however, re-read a few by depthsofgreen since I got into Gotham, as well as some by rissalf and silentsinger

Back in the day there was this one spn last unicorn AU I used to re-read the night before each premiere, because it was a deliciously angsty way to get me in the mood for a new season and pass the time while waiting - particularly notable because AUs are not really my thing, so it was an interesting choice for me to keep returning to! Alas I have lost my link to it however :( Should anyone know the one I mean drop me a line! (Cas was the unicorn, obvs, Dean was the Prince, Sam was Schmendrick, Anna was Molly and Meg was Fortuna)

6. How many stories are you subscribed to? How many do you have bookmarked?

I have ONE (1) story bookmarked - because it is a WIP I am following (and I just learnt how to bookmark the other month)

...what even is subscribing and how is it different??

7. Which AU do you find yourself writing the most?

None at all if possible. Although most of my fics end up being Canon Divergent in the end ofc they are generally canon compliant (based on my interpretation of the canon anyways) at the time of writing... Sometimes canon changes things while I am in the middle of writing stuff though ofc (*shakes fist at Gotham right now*), in which case I will unavoidably be writing something knowingly Canon Divergent/What If.

(aside - I tried to write an spn x-men AU once, but I got bored very quickly... full on AUs are just not me!)

8. How many people are subscribed and bookmarked to you in total? (you can view this on the stats page)

OH THERE’S A STATS PAGE?

*checks*

K - 34 subscribers and 423 bookmarks (whoa that seems a lot??)

hey there’s graphs and stuff with your top five fics based on hits too - that’s pretty cool - my top is in fact Holding On and Letting Go... probably because it was one of my last big spn fics and one of the first I published on AO3...

9. Is there something you’d like to write about but are afraid of people judging you for it? (Feeling brave? If so, share it!)

No... I mean... I don’t think so? If there ever has been it’s passed me by and I’ve forgotten about it.

...for a hot minute I was into Eddie/Isabella in Gotham, and that plot was ofc (understandably) received VERY POORLY by the fandom, so I may have at one point been hesitant to explore that idea (and the related Ozzie/Eddie/Izzy thoughts I had) because of that... but I never got as far as wanting to actually WRITE anything that I recall so... I guess not really?

10. Is there anything you would like to be better at? Writing certain scenes or genres, replying to comments, updating better, etc.

There’s a couple of dumb little grammatical things I wish I was better at remembering - like when it’s ‘passed’ and when it’s ‘past’ or when it’s ‘effect’ and when it’s ‘affect.’ Because I forget and have to look it up Every.Damn.Time!

11. Do you write rarepairs or popular ships more often?

Well, the ship I’ve written most for is deancas - so it’s def ‘popular ships’ I write most! (though I would like to point out that it WASN��T ONE when I STARTED :p).

I’m not opposed to writing rarepairs as well however (she says, in the middle of a huge Gotham rarepair series!). I just write... whatever I’m enjoying most at the time.

12. How many stories have you posted on FFNet/AO3 to this day (finished and unfinished)?

I’ve got 39 works up on AO3. Never published on FFNet. Probably got a few little things that I’ve only ever published on tumblr (like my cracky spn/WtNV crossover :p), so total number published across the board is more like 40ish...

13. How many stories do you have saved in/with your writing program?

(not counting the abandoned spn x-men AU that will remain forever unfinished) Just one. I CANNOT work on more than one fic at a time.

14. Do you write down story ideas, or just keep them in your head?

In my head (my stories are never especially complex after all). Once I’m stuck into a fic though I do tend to start creating bullet points below the main text of certain things that are coming next - like specific lines or phrases/metaphors I might think up as I go that I want to make sure I include, or the order of certain scenes if there is a series of short ones on the way, or sometimes points with question marks if I haven’t quite decided on something (eg. ‘have Eddie take his hat off here or wait until Ozzie smiles at him?’ that kind of thing...)

15. Have you ever co-authored a story?

No. I came CLOSE to co-writing a DCBB with the lovely @takadainmate YEARS AGO but we never quite made it work (I got a distracted by involving Balthazar in a subplot and went on my own tangent, we had trouble even getting together to discuss it, the deadline started looming and eventually we wisely close to call it a day!).

For a while there were VAGUE murmurings about returning to the idea... but the plot involved Dean and Cas getting trapped together in Purgatory you see aND THEN SEASON 8 HAPPENED!! So we decided to let canon run with it instead :P

16. How did you discover FFNet/AO3?

While I don’t use FFNet and don’t even read stuff there now, I did used to read fics on it early on. I discovered it while searching for info on my very first TV obsession Due South and was DELIGHTED to find a place full of stories about this thing I loved but had no new content for at the time :)

AO3 I remember being talked about and used a little by my LJ crowd, which is how I heard of it. I didn’t start using it myself until recently when I realised it had very much become the go-to hosting site used by tumblr fic writers.

17. Do you consider yourself to be a popular or famous author in your fandom(s) on FFNet/AO3?

Nah.

18. Do you have a nickname or fandom name for your readers?

...my personal readers? As in, not the general name for the various fandoms (like ‘spn family’ or ‘Gotham fam’), but for the people who read my fic specifically?

No... that seems... weird...?

19. Was there an author who inspired or encouraged you to write?

Actually... no... no one specific. Just... reading lots of fiction by lots of different writers, fic writers included, is what inspired/encouraged me to take a crack at it myself I suppose.

20. What writing advice would you give to a beginning author?

Do not listen to me!

21. Do you plot out your stories, or do you just figure it out as you go?

Um... both I suppose. Only... my plotting isn’t really... plotting.

Because I just... daydream, you know? And after a bit I’ll realise that I’m coming back to one particular daydream more often than another. And adding to it. And adding to it. Until I’ve got something at least vaguely coherent. At which point I make a decision as to whether I like the scenario enough to write it down or not and if I do, well, it’s already pretty much there and fully formed in my head, so no additional ‘plotting’ necessary (just the ironing out and researching of a few details).

But while I’m daydreaming... well that’s me ‘figuring it out as I go’ I guess.

22. Have you ever gotten a bad comment on a story? If so, what did you do?

My first foray into writing fic was with a Clex re-write of S05 Smallville. It ended up being a sprawling, much too ambitious multi-chapter thing I had no hope of ever finishing. But hey, it kept me out of trouble :p

Anyways, I was part of a sci-fi society at Uni at the time I was writing and each of us in the group developed these different fictional versions of ourselves over the course of our time together... because we were a sci-fi society and it was fun! And I thought it would be a laugh if, for one chapter, I put all of us into my SV fic. So I did (I made us all kryptonite infected characters who lived at Lex’s secret 33.1 facility - if any SV fans are reading) and prefaced the chapter with some disclaimer about how I was sorry if this part was a bit too self indulgent or ‘mary-sue’ or whatever, but that I couldn’t resist doing it for my friends, and that things would get back to normal next chapter.

And generally it was fine - I didn’t have many readers anyway :p

But long LONG after the fact, when I had written many other chapters since, I got a comment on this one chapter from someone saying that they felt my self-insert characters came across as too obviously self indulgent and were unnecessary and that I shouldn’t have written them in.

And you know, it was a fair call. But since I’d actually prefaced the chapter with myself saying that’s EXACTLY what they were, it seemed a bit odd to me that this person would bother making a point of the issue. And to compound confusion - this person had actually already commented POSITIVELY on the chapter when I first posted it, so their comment read something like ‘I’ve been re-reading this and on consideration ACTUALLY I think you should know that...’

So... that was a bit odd. Not really bad, but notable enough that it’s stayed with me! Since I was many many chapters along in the story at that point though it was easy enough to just nod and shrug and move on.

I’m lucky in that I’ve never received any actual scathing or horribly negative comments otherwise. I like to think I’d be thoughtful and philosophical about any serious criticism I might receive...

23. Is there a certain type of scene that you have a hard time writing? (action, smut, etc..)

Hmmm. Exposition probably. My focus is typically on a character’s emotion at any given time, but when the only thing happening is characters discussing what’s happening and when and why there’s not exactly much strong emotion involved you know? So I struggle, because it’s boring to write and I constantly fear I’m not describing/depicting it in a way that is interesting to the reader and blah blah.

(part of the reason I don’t often write complex stories anymore perhaps - less narrative means less exposition!)

(smut used to be hard... now it is less so... though that doesn’t mean I think I’m good at it now! I don’t think I’ll ever shake the fear that my smut is actually cringe-worthy...)

24. What story(s) are you working on now?

Just The Fox and the Scorpion :)

25. Do you plan your next project(s) before you finish your current ongoing story(s)?

No. Like I say above - I CANNOT work on more than one fic at a time. How do people do that??? I bow to you all!

I have in the past paused in the middle of longer spn fics (like my DCBBs) to knock out some quick ‘finished in the span of an evening’ FICLETS, usually in response to specific happenings in canon (like when Gabriel died and I just HAD to type something up as an outlet). But I don’t think that’s really quite what this question means? Because those aren’t projects OR stories, they are just... SCENES, you know? Also - I haven’t written a ficlet in FOREVER, so I’m not even sure I could do it anymore...

Having said this - I DO CONSTANTLY DAYDREAM. Which involves daydreaming multiple scenarios not exclusive to whatever fic I’m in the middle of. Some of which may well end up being part of the next fic I end up writing. But that’s hardly ‘planning’ I think? Because at that stage of things I’ll have no desire to make what I’m dreaming part of an actual story/fic.

26. Do you have a daily writing goal set for yourself?

Nah. I just write when I feel like it and keep going until I’m done.

If I’m writing for a challenge this changes ofc, because DEADLINES. So sometimes I’ve had to set goals because of that - usually it’s something vague though, like ‘you need to get to this point in the plot by tomorrow night Holly, come on!’ Nothing so regimented as a specific amount of time and/or words every day.

...generally when I’m in the middle of a fic I end up in a kind of... idk, natural momentum that pulls me on? Like there’s this constant FEELING in the back of my mind urging me to get back to the story. And not in a nagging guilt kind of way, in a ‘this is what I WANT to be doing right now’ kind of way.

Not that I end up easily writing every time I get back to the fic or anything! Sometimes I’ll get back to the page and just... be stuck, find I’m not in the mood or can’t think of the words or whatever. Which is frustrating because I still have that feeling of WANTING to continue the story, but I’ll know that I’m not in the right frame of mind so have to leave it for a bit (which can be anywhere from a few hours to a week). Generally the pull to keep writing draws me back in eventually though.

27. Do you think you’ve improved as a writer since you first started?

Goodness yes. I think if you’re writing regularly you’re just ALWAYS improving, aren’t you? Naturally my fic today is better than my first attempts, but likewise I think some of my Gotham fics are better than my spn fics in some parts. It’s a constant process isn’t it?

28. What is your favorite story(s) that you’ve written?

Imitating Life remains one of the fics I’m most proud of. Not only did the main story hold up well AND stick to overall canon (when it comes to Dean and Cas at least), so I think anyways, I also wove in a couple of subplots I very much enjoyed seeing through to the end. PLUS I really enjoyed all the meta nonsense, including messing about with the format to make it like look (a little bit) like a screenplay. So yes, that one will always hold a dear place in my heart :)

For Gotham I don’t think I’m ever gonna do better than We Are What We Are tbh

29. What is your least favorite story(s) that you’ve written?

Generally unimpressed by ALL my SV fic now. And considering I spent SO MANY HOURS/DAYS/WEEKS/MONTHS/YEARS of my life on it all I kinda feel like I should feel bad about that but... you know I really don’t? Because if it wasn’t for all the time and effort (and love and fun) I put into those not very good stories, I wouldn’t be enjoying the work I’m proud of and writing today. So *shrug emoji*

30. Where do you see yourself (as a writer) in 5 years?

5 whole years? Tbh I rather think I’ll have stopped writing by then. I’ve been winding down when it comes to fic for a LONG TIME now and writing for Gotham feels very much like a minor, brief resurgence of the hobby. Currently planning on calling it a day once I’ve finished Fox and Scorpion in fact.

31. What is the easiest thing about writing?

The part that doesn’t involve writing.

32. What is the hardest thing about writing?

Trying not to be repetitive.

Have I started a paragraph with this character’s name too many times in a row? Am I using ‘furrowed brow’/’bites lip’/’narrows eyes’/’insert stock descriptive phrase here’ too often? Did I use this phrase already or was that in another fic or in the book I was just reading? Is there too much alliteration in this sentence? - to name but a few of the questions that inevitably pop up related to my paranoia about repetition.

33. Why do you write?

Because I’m insatiable and the stories onscreen aren’t enough for me.

...well that was exhaustingly introspective so I’m way too tired to tag! Interesting one though, made me think! (and taught me some stuff about AO3 :p)

#meme #about me

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fandomfollower13 · 7 years ago

Text

The Sons of Hell PT.2

Characters: Dean Winchester, Reader, Sam Winchester, Castiel, Charlie Bradbury, Jo Harvelle, Benny Lafitte, John Winchester, (mentioned ) Mary Winchester, Crowley McLeod, Lucifer, Balthazar, Gabriel, Lisa, Rowena, Ellen Harvelle Cain, Ruby (2.0), Meg (2.0),(mentioned) Jess (characters might be added later on)

Warnings: Mature content, language, use and talk of drugs and Alcohol, weapons, violence, death, lying, plotting?, POV changing (I WILL be updating warnings as much as I can)

Pairing: Dean x Reader (eventually)

Summary: Winchester, a name that strikes fear to any who hear it. The Winchesters ran one of the most feared gang in all of New York, The Sons of hell but as every gang must have they of course have enemies, Hell’s Demons being the top one. John Winchester was the boss of Sons of Hell he is ruthless and crude and he wants the next boss of the Son’s just like him and the next boss just so happens to be his eldest son Dean Winchester, A womanizing, badass guy and gorgeous man but he was also rude and sarcastic with so many walls around his heart but will someone from the other side break them? or will they get caught in the crossfire?

A/N: italics means thought…………does that make sense. would anyone like to be tagged? oh and on the date I’m uploading its my birthdayyyy (07/16/17) so that’s probably why its so short because I had a plan to try to upload it BEFORE my B-day butttt as you can tell it didn’t work that way. and in the warnings (if you read them) yes you read that correctly, Shakespeare quote(s) I have decided to slip William Shakespeare in some parts because my ‘Castiel’ @fandoms-whatevers told me the story idea reminded her of a modern Romeo and Juliet soooo I decided to be a big nerd and Shakespeare quotes. (sorry for mistakes) feedback please?

Deans Point Of View

Ruby pushed the girl behind her, she looked confused and scared in a way, people took notice of the little dispute, ‘’oh look its the two of the lap dogs of the ‘king’’’ I growled sarcastically my hand reaching for my gun, meg was too before be could even pull them out I heard two rushed steps behind me ‘’Dean?’’ I heard Sam, that distracted meg enough for me to pull my gun out and point it at her head. the lounge evacuated in seconds, I had that affect. Sam and Cas had their guns pointed at Ruby and Mystery girl as soon as i did. Which lead to both meg and ruby standing in front of her

‘’Meggy want to introduce us to your new friend’’ the beautiful mystery girl peered from behind ruby but ruby noticed and pulled her back, why is she so important? ‘’Id rather gauge my eyes deanie’’ her face scowling, ‘’aw come on meg its rude not to introduce her’’ I cocked my gun, making my point. ‘’How about we all just walk away’’ Sam said from behind me, ‘’Wow, there’s an actual smart Winchester.’’ ruby sneered, ‘’good idea Sammy’’ and as soon as the words left my mouth ruby backed towards the back exit She pushed the (H/C) girl out the door first then meg slowly backed out her gun trained on me ‘’Nice seeing you Meggie tell Crowley I said hi’’ and they were gone. Who was she?

Back at the Roadhouse

‘’ You ran into THREE of Crowley’s Men and you DIDNT SHOOT THEM’’ Dad yelled, he punched wall, ‘’Well technically it was three girls, and I don’t think ‘Mystery Girl’ is part of their gang’’ I retorted thinking of her shy smile which made me smile ‘’I don’t care dean you had an opportunity to KILL AT LEAST TWO and I’m guessing someone very important to the demons , ugh how could you be so stupid’’ he growled. as I was about to get up and leave he spoke, ‘’you need to find out who the third girl is, Who she is, What shes doing here and why she is so important, and dean you better not fucking fail me’’ he stormed away.

I rubbed my eyes as I downed my whiskey it was at least 12 am and here I was sitting in my apartment thinking about Mystery Girl. and all of sudden my phone buzzed, I groaned as I read the text from my dad ‘We have a package that needs to be dropped off, 6th street back ally be there in 10′ I sighed grabbed my gun and jacket. Time for work.

Readers Point of View

Ruby and meg wouldn’t let me talk they whispered something to the guards and dragged me into the house and that’s when I lost it. ‘’ok I was quiet all the way here but now you need to tell me who the fuck that was and what in the hell happened’’ meg looked down avoiding my eyes. ‘’(Y/F/I), The Bo- Crow- your dad had you leave 4 years ago, do remember why?’’ I gave her a weird look and then nodded ‘’Uh yeah, He got me a spot at (C/N) to get me away, to keep me safe I think?’’ I answered trying to remember ‘’Yeah he did, he couldn’t hide you anymore’’ I gave her a weird look before the two French doors flew open my dad stepped in. his eyes were glowing with anger. ‘’Ruby, Meg, lets go have chat shall we’’ before I could question anyone one of my dads man started escorting me to my old room. I turned to try and talk to him but the door closed and clicked. locked in. in my old room that looked exactly the same. nothing has changed.

it was already 4:30 and no one had come unlocked the door, come to talk, Anything! I had enough. I got up from my bed and went to the balcony the big tree still stood right by the balcony, the big green yard was the same, the same big pool, but way more guard’s. I looked back to the door in hopes someone would come but no. ‘’I thought I would never do this again but..’’ I changed into some leggings, a black crop top and threw on a dark grey sweatshirt. I started walking back to the balcony but the knife that sat on my old desk, the one my father gave me for my 9th birthday caught my attention. ‘’just in case’’ I hopped onto the balcony railing swinging my legs over. I stepped carefully onto the branch that was right underneath the balcony. I slowly stood up my hand out ready to grab the branch if I fell. I steadied my self and slowly stepped forward i dropped and jumped to branch to branch, I hadn’t don this in 5 years I 18 the last time.

i swung my legs over the lowest branch, i watched the guards walk with the dogs back and forth, i smiled as i thought about all the times i avoided them. i snapped off a twig and through it over the fence, the guards had their guns pointed in seconds I took that chance and run quickly climbing the fence and running down the road finally far enough on a main road to stop. I caught my breathe thinking, where to go. I walked along the road and finally decided to hop in a taxi. he dropped my off on 47th street so I started walking towards a club, if my dads ‘demons’ come after me being in a crowded place would help, all of this reminds me when I was a teenager.

I had made my way to the bar that was crowded by drunken teenagers, and drunken creeps but luckily I found the one of the last stools at the end of the bar. but the semi-peace I had went away in a matter of seconds, A guy with jet black hair, broad build, brown eyes and the smell alcohol radiated from him, he took the stool that was right next to me, great. I tried to look any where besides him but I felt his eyes looking me up and down I scooted on my stool when I heard him laugh ‘’I’ve never seen a girl wear a baggy sweatshirt to a club before’’ he snickered i looked down and looked back up but only to see a leathered back and the smell of gun powder, ‘’ really? is that your way of flirting because man if that’s all you got i would leave’’ the mystery guy sounded sarcastic and menacing. i saw the guy basically fall out of his chair and run. i tried to hop off the stool before mystery guy noticed but when i looked over at the stool to meet a pair of the most breathtaking green eyes, the same one as last night. Dean Winchester. my body froze, shiitt,, ‘’well hi there sweetheart, alone this time?’’ he smirked leaning against the bar and leans forward, I couldn’t say anything to many scenarios flooded my brain, ‘’cat got your tongue sweetheart’ ‘ he chuckled ‘’I have that affect’’

‘’y-you stalking m-me now’’ I tried to sound confident, I failed, making Dean flash a bright cocky smile, ‘’oh darling you know you cant stop thinking about me’’ I couldn’t help but giggle. ‘’so last time we bumped into each other I don’t think you got your beer’’ I still couldn’t talk straight so I just shyly nodded which made dean flash a smile as he waved over the bartender, Y/N he had a gun pointed at your family and you, run. my brain screaming to run but for some reason I don’t feel like I was in true danger. dean handed my beer to me ‘’thank you dean’’ my voice coming back ‘’ ah you remember’’ he took a sip of his beer. ‘’yeah how could i forget the guy who flirted with me then pointed a gun at me’’ I shyly said looking down at the beer bottle in my hand. ‘’heh yeah about that, you do know who you were with right’’ his voice changed from playful sarcastic flirt to serious and menacing in seconds again I froze I looked around the very crowded club looking for some get away but was met with three of my fathers ‘ demons’ shoving people in the crowd I quickly grabbed deans wrist and pulled him off the stool and dragged him to a back corner making his back face the club.

my back was against the wall and my hands had landed on deans chest and I realized what I had just done, ‘’oh, uhm, I-I am so s-sorry I j-just their was people I mean’’ I rambled blushing madly trying to avoid his gaze. jumping when his hands landed on my waist, ‘’sweetheart you could’ve just asked to be alone with me’’ the sarcastic flirt coming back, my heart hammering in my chest. ‘’N-no I-I just, my f- the kings demons a-are looking for me’’ I whispered his grip on my waist tightened a bit, then it hit me, Dean, Dean Winchester. Winchester, as in the Son’s of hell, the gang who wanted my whole family dead. RUN. My brain screaming but my body staying against the dirty wall and deans hands on my waist. his gruff voice pulling me from my running thoughts ‘’and why would they be looking for you sweetheart ‘’ the flirtation in his voice was trying to cover the rage. He brought his forearms to lean against the wall making my head snap up to meet the brilliant green eyes, his lips inches away from mine. his phone blasting ‘thunderstruck by AC/DC’ dean dropped his head and reluctantly grabbed his phone.

‘’ Yes, Yes, he paid in full, with a little persuasion’’ he let out a breathy chuckle but his face turned stone cold in mere seconds. ‘‘seriously, son of a bitch, ok I’m on my way’’ he ended the call and looked back at me. His father was the leader of a gang who wanted all McLeod’s and every ‘ demon’ associated with us dead, and yet when I look at dean I know I’m not as afraid as I should be and don’t get me wrong I was scared as hell but something kept telling me yes he is dangerous but it didn’t feel like he was a threat to me. I took a deep breathe in ready to say something to him but he beat it to me.

‘’well darlin I would leave your next run in to fate, but fates a bitch’’ his cocky smile making its way on his face making me blush again ‘’so what are you saying dee’’ him chuckling at the new nickname ‘’how about I get you a taxi then you give me your number sweetheart’’ he grabbed my hand and pulled me out of the club and onto the dim sidewalk ‘’and if I give you my number what do I get in return’’ noticing him not letting go of my hand, ‘’the privilege of telling me your name’’ I laughed ‘’that sounds like an unfair deal dee’’ I took a small step towards him ‘’ I never said I made fair deals sweetie’’ I playfully roll my eyes, a taxi rolled up next to us dean opened the door, as I climbed in I looked to him ‘’ Y/N my names Y/N and my number is Y/#’’ I flashed a smile and the taxi drove off leaving dean behind but a smile plastered on my face.

Deans POV

as I slammed the door to my precious baby I smiled at the text Y/N sent.

Y/N (Hottie)

y/n; oh dee such a badboy

m; you haven't heard nothin yet sweetheart

y/n; mhm and when will I hear more? huh?

m; tomorrow. 9pm. central park. don't be late.

y/n; ah is this a date?

m; sweetheart dean Winchester doesn't do dates,

smiled and walked into the ‘bunker’ (what Sammy and I called our house since he could say bunker) but when I saw my dad sitting on the couch with a happy look on his face and Charlie and Sam looking confused and scared all happiness went away. ‘’what was so urgent’’ I threw my gun on the table, ‘’fucking finally dean, we have the best news, Crowley has a weak spot’’ I cocked an eyebrow grabbed a beer and threw my feet on the table, looking to Sammy or Charlie for an explanation, ‘’dean Crowley,’’ Sammy started but was cut off by Charlie ‘’ Crowley has a daughter’’.

#dean x reader au #dean winchester #gangster!dean #dean x reader #supernatural fanfiction #supernatural #x reader #romeo and juliet #Sam Winchester #crowley #meg #ruby #lucifer #Charlie Bradbury #bobby singer

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