#baker jobs are just a joke now

[sfucked]

.

[heliosundercover]

Special customer

Redhood

Special customer Redhood who gains the title by beating up some shady guys attempting to break into your bakery and apartment above it, and after the job was done, you begged him to stay around until you got a new security system installed. But even with it installed, he seems to be in the area. One night, you offered him a coffee, and now every night on patrol, he comes for his coffee.

 

Special customer Redhood, got a pretty sweet drink, not something a vigilante would drink. It was a black coffee with 5 pumps of caramel and a dash of cinnamon sugar. Something about the unlikely order was cute in a way.

 

Special customer Redhood, doesn't know that you have an alarm set, so you can wake up late enough to catch him and give him his coffee. One day he catches you, though. You come downstairs to check to see if he was there yet, and he sees you in pajamas, your hair up so you can sleep comfortably, 

 "Wait, were you sleeping?" He looks you up and down. 

"Nice pajamas" 

Only then does he look up the hours of the bakery, seeing that it closes at 10 p.m., whereas he's coming in between 1 a.m. and 3 a.m. That was when he first realized how considerate you were.

 

Special customer Redhood finally asks you about your day after two weeks of him coming in for a cup of coffee and a weirdly comfortable silence while he drinks and unwinds from his long patrol.

"How was your day... You look exhausted." He took a long pause, realizing he didn't know your name, but to his surprise, you laughed, and after that one small gesture, he knew he wanted to hear it again. 

You and him talked for a few hours until his headset pinged that there was something suspicious going on in the area he was supposed to be patrolling, but here he was flirting with a baker.

He never got your name.

 

 

Special customer Redhood, gets the same thing every time, so eventually you give his order a special name. His own secret menu item. special customer, Redhood, who asks

"Did you name this drink after me?" When you say 

"One red cup coming up." The name was Corny, and it slipped up before you could stop yourself, and now you cringed as you could hear the smirk in his heavily distorted voice. His question was immediately met with denial. 

 

Special customer Redhood enjoyed talking with you and learning about you. He also liked how you weren't pushy, not asking anything that could put his identity at risk. Here's a list of things he told you.

He liked classic literature.

He had never tried matcha before you made him try your new matcha white chocolate cookies. 

He loved animals and always wanted a big dog.

His favorite color was green, which was surprising considering his choice of name.

He never went to college. 

 

New customer Jason Todd, who made you raise an eyebrow when he ordered a "red cup," had a barely noticeable smirk like he was thinking of an inside joke.  Your eyebrow raised a bit more when a younger-looking guy asked

"Jason, why this bakery? It's not even a real coffee shop; they just happen to sell three types of coffee and a special lemonade. And its super put of the way."

His words were met with a flick to the back of his head by Jason.

"Because I like it here."

 

New-ish customer Jason, who came in mornings ordering the same thing every couple of days every so often, had a person or two with him. But while Jason wasn't consistent, but you like him any.

 

Special customer Redhood, who had been planning on asking you out as Jason for months. It was now winter, and the snow on the ground made him think of you. He knew winter was your favorite season, and it was the first snow of the season today. He knew it had to be today. 

 

Innocent bystanders Dick, Damian, and Tim watched their brother go mad over a baker. A mix of happiness and impending doom lingered amongst the group they had started taking bets on when he would finally ask her out a while ago. And so far, Alfred is the closest to winning. 

 

Regular customer Jason Todd, who had run into the bakery with flowers in hand right before closing, Slightly out of breath, he asked 

"Will you go out to dinner with me? Saturday night at 8 p.m.?"

"Sure." You smile happily, accepting his offer  and you watch as his eyes light up and he hands you the bouquet of flowers. 

 

Boyfriend Jason Todd, who is surprised when you, after a year of dating, reveal that you've been suspicious since day one, All because of a stupid drink with a corny name. 

 

Boyfriend Jason Todd, who can't help but tease you,.

 "So it was named after me?"

 

Boyfriend and soon-to-be fiancée Jason Todd, who proposes to you on the roof of your apartment and bakery the whole roof was decked out with a vine covered arch and fairy lights. 

"So, will you marry me?"

 

He gets on one knee, opening a gorgeous engagement ring with your favorite precious stone inside. It was your dream ring, and he was your dream guy, and of course you said yes.

 

Fiancée Jason Todd, who pulls you into a passionate kiss when he hears the words leave your lips, couldn't be more excited to spend the rest of his life with you.

[herozdiary]

Milk and cookies

Francis x reader

This diary entry contains…Mentions of baking|Baker reader|Francis being a cutie pie|established relationship|Short little idea i had sitting in the back of my mind|Francis being good at baking|Mlikman x baker is such a cute trope idea lowkey|i should make longer writings

A/N:WOWOWO THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ALL THE LOVE ON THE FIRST FRANCIS WRITING🫶🏾🫶🏾🫶🏾

“Milk…butter…sugar..blah blah blah” Francis had muttered to himself as he went over the recipe list. He wanted to make cookies too take his mind off of things going on.

The both of you were like the baker and the milkman duo. People loved seeing you too together because of how cute you are. It was a fresh breathe of air to see a happy couple in these times. With dopplegangers roaming around the area.

You became familiar with the new door guard. They always greeted you with a smile as they went over your paperwork before allowing you in. " You know, It's something about you that just tells me it's the real you. " The doorman said before shrugging. You smiled at them before venturing up to your shared apartment with francis.

Today you didn't do much at the bakery. you only sold a couple of things you made earlier that week but it was a slow day. You pulled out your keys as just pushed them into the keyhole. pushing the door open and closing it after walking in, The smell of fresh baked cookies hit your nose. You smiled as you slipped off your shoes.

you poked your head into the kitchen to find francis looking over a baking tray with cookies spread out across them. He seemed to be whispering something to himself as he poked at one before hissing slightly.

" This is why we let things cool off before we touch them!" You said as you rushed over. Francis turned away slightly as you took his hand into yours before looking over it. "Well it seems nothing bad happened" You say while blowing on it and kissing his finger.

" I wanted to try and make something to take my mind off of things going on now." He said while looking at the tray. "Maybe you should leave that to me." You say while looking over the cookies before smiling and nodding. "But you did a good job! Did you buy the dough at the store or something?" You asked.

"Nope. Made them by scratch. I saw you had some recipes laying around so i followed them" He admitted. You smiled as you placed a small kiss on his cheek.

"Im proud of you! You did it the exact way i do" You say as you grab one. You take a bite before smiling some more. "Taste the same way." You say as you finish it off. Francis smiled as he felt proud from the praise.

"Thanks...But i think you always make them better" Francis said while leaning on the counter. "I think they taste the same. But you know...i thought you would bring some milk out that we can dunk the cookies in."You say as you open the fridge to a bottle of milk.

"I forget that milk and cookies go together"Francis muttered as he watched you pour two glasses of milk.You grabbed a plate and began to plate the cookies before placing them onto the kitchen counter.

"When you think about it, we go together like milk and cookies" You joked as you dip a cookie into your cup of milk. Francis rolled his eyes before chuckling at your joke. "Because of our jobs?" He asked as he picked up one of the cookies and took a small nibble out of it.

the rest of the afternoon was filled with the both of you finishing off the plate and having a milk drinking contest. Of course Francis won since he spent most of his days drinking cold bottles of milk.

But at the end of the day, The two of you went together like milk and cookies.

[victoria-grimesss]

Price Headcanons ~SFW & NSFW~

masterlist ->Paring: Captain John Price x F!Reader ->Warning: fluff, romance, smut down below >:) ->A/N: MDNI! I've had some of these floating around my head and had to write them down.

SFW:

This man needs a vacation, he needs to sit on the beach and drink a little something with an umbrella vacation.

I imagine even if he went on vacation, he would be the "feel free to text me if anything comes up I'm just a flight away" kinda guy. Please someone make him relax.

He's a romantic guy for sure, will kiss you on the hand and bring you flowers without asking.

When you go out to eat he will open the car door, the restaurant door, and pull out the chair for you because the woman he loves will NOT be touching a door. He gives you a wink once he tucks your chair in.

When he's home, especially right after he gets back he loves nothing more than to sit side by side and read your books together, make him a good cup of tea and he's sending heart eyes your way.

His favorite way to sleep is with you right on top of him. Out on the job he sleeps with his gear on, so he's become accustomed to having a weight on his chest when he sleeps, he feels uneasy without it. But when you lay onto of him like that he's out like a light.

He gets nightmares frequently, if you're a light sleeper he apologizes for waking you up but you never complain and for that he cannot repay you. If you're a heavy sleeper and you don't wake up he'll calm his beating heart and find comfort in your scent and soft breaths. Sometimes he wants to talk about it sometimes he doesn't, it depends on the severity and if he wants to plague you with it. At times he just wants to lay with you in his arms, he's safe at home with you, his boys are safe at their homes, everything is okay.

He's built a steady routine over the years, part of that routine is waking up ten minutes before he's supposed to so he can admire you when you sleep and hold you close to his bare chest, he loves these mornings.

He trusts you with his life, and with that he'll let you trim up his beard, a barber botched it once and Gaz laughed at him, so he said you're the only other person allowed to do it now.

He definitely falls asleep when watching TV and when you try to change it he'll wake up and say he's watching it.

One time you washed his hat without telling him and he panicked like when you lose your wallet. You had to pre-soak his hat twice to get it semi-normal.

I imagine him as a good cook but a shit baker. He gets frustrated when he tried to follow a cake recipe for your birthday and can't find the recipe under the person's life story. He went to the store and bought one then wrote your name on it.

He loves it when he can show off how strong he is, sometimes you'll pretend you can't open a jar just so he can crack his knuckles and "show you how its done".

He's over the moon if you ask him to show you how to fish, even more elated if you offer it as a date idea.

He loves to sit at the counter and listen to you talk about your day. He's a sucker about your voice and could listen to you talk about literally anything.

He calls you on his way back to base and talks to you on the drive home, makes the drive go faster.

He starts ring shopping 2 months after you two started dating, he knew you were the one.

He almost threw up when he proposed, he was so fucking nervous but the night went perfectly.

Definitely carried you through the door of your shared place when you got married, he's old fashioned like that.

His dad jokes are out of this world awful, but you laugh at them even if it hurts, because you love him.

Loves to have the team over to watch sport matches, when you were house shopping he always referenced about having them over when the two of you would view the living room.

When the two of you are out he puts a hand on the small of you back to guide you through crowds.

NSFW:

His stamina is impressive, he's an older guy but he can go for rounds and those rounds are heavy and sweaty.

Alot of things you do turn him on, kiss him on the spot where his neck meets his head, touch his knee and move you hand slowly up, tell him how much you missed him, tell him he looks good in that shirt, wear that shirt, really anything you do turns the man on.

John Price loves to love you through and through this man is a giver.

He will kiss you from ankle all the way up, muttering about how good you looked today and how much he was thinking about getting you out of these clothes.

Not possessive but more protective. Your relationship is built on mutual respect for one another, although there is a trend between the times when you get a little more attention from other guys and when he absolutely fucks your brains out. He denies it the next morning.

He uses his voice to his advantage. He purrs in your ear hours before he undresses you, light light touches and honeyed words butter you up to the point you're begging for him to take your clothes off. "You need me this bad love? Desperate girl." He wears a devilish smile.

Certified pussy eating master and I stand by that. That man can go forever between your thighs, his eyes roll to the back of his head when he first licks you, you'll have to pry him away beard soaked with evidence of his skills.

Good with his hands too, he angles then just the right way to find your G-spot, all while saying the dirtiest things just so he can feel you clench around his fingers. "You like that, fuck look at you dripping down my hand."

He loves when you grip his arms when he drives himself into you, you leave nail marks and he gets off on it. That you're feeling so good from what he's doing to you that you have to hold on that tight.

Favorite positions would be missionary, cowgirl, or anything where he can look you in the eyes so he can see your reaction when he slides it in so agonizingly slow.

Loves it when you ride him, front facing so he can see you cum. He makes you wear his hat for sure. And when it dips too low in front of your eyes he'll stop all movement just to fix it. "There's my pretty girl." He grinds into you to start again.

You guys fucked in his car once and he loved it, couldn't do it again though. His back hurt too much the next day.

Guilty pleasure is hotel sex. The both of you get a nice big room at a fancy hotel, have sex in clean white sheets making a mess of the newly made bed, he fucks you in the bed, the shower, the desk, over the dresser, and against the wall, afterwards you two order all you can eat room service.

He loves getting blowjobs when he smokes, something about the combination of the two make his head dizzy in a wonderful way.

Heavy on safe-words and making sure you feel the best you can when you two have sex, always checking in on you but in the most seductive ways as to not lose the mood.

Price loves to praise you, before during and after he's telling you how good you're doing and how beautiful you look taking him so well.

Most of the time he asks you where he should cum, he just likes hearing you say it, it gets him off harder.

Aftercare!! John is big on it, he'll take you to the bathroom and you'll have a bath together or shower, he'll give you extra time when he leaves so he can change the bedding and put on a sweet movie.

If your muscles ache he'll take a body oil or lotion and gets those knots out with those expert hands, he prefers it when you're naked for these massage sessions, easier to get all your sore spots he says.

More than half the time this result in another session and neither of you are complaining.

---

peepaw for the win!!!

[emergingghost]

julien baker live lyric changes masterpost

the many ways that julien changes her lyrics over time and seamlessly alters the lyrics and meanings of her songs to maintain a level of personal authenticity has become so fascinating to me and many others so i thought it'd be nice to do some research and compile as many as i can. enjoy! or cry! whichever!

the original lyrics are in parenthesis, changes are bolded, roughly in chronological order and i’ve added timestamped links to performances [x] where i can! i use mostly youtube because it's the most accessible. some of these seem to be permanent changes and others are just occasional, probably depending on how she's vibing with the song at the time (i'm assuming). let me know of any i’ve missed!

Rejoice: [x] [x] [x] pronoun change, does this lots! "i know there's a god and they hear either way" ("i think there's a god and he hears either way") [x] she uses the 'she' pronoun here this time! [x] she sings 'force' here and also in a version she performed pre-release "asking why did you let them leave and then force me to stay?" ("asking why did you let them leave and then make me stay?")

Good News: [x] [x] [x] these are not full lyric changes but rather some gut-wrenching repetition. side note she performs a cover of paul by big thief in the first clip here too! "it's less about you / it's all about how i ruin everything oh everything i do / everything i do / god i ruin everything oh everything / oh everything i think could be good news." ("it's less about you / it's more about how i ruin everything--- i think could be good news")

Distant Solar Systems: [x] pronoun change speaking of god, she also omits the second last verse. "I send postcards from the road and now and then she answers" ("and now and then he answers")

Turn Out the Lights: [x] [x] [x] this one hurts! a few times in late '18 and in '19 "maybe i'd do it but it's not a joke" ("i'd never do it but it's not a joke")

Sour Breath: [x] [x] another one that hurts!! "think all the liquors gonna keep me warm / burn everything down just to prove i could / leave you inside a body made of wood" ("think all the liquors gonna keep you warm / burn everything down just to prove you could / leave me inside a body made of wood") [x] audio only from 1:16 (same changes as above +) "i don't do too well when everyone's worried about me" ("i don't do too well when nobody's worried about me")

Appointments: [x] [x] [x] in lots of performances post-2018. she switches between using 'know' and 'think' occasionally “i know that i ruined this / but i think i can live with it / nothing turned out how pictured it ... i think that i failed again / but i know you’re still listening” ("i think if i ruin this / that i know i can live with it / nothing turns out like I pictured it ... i think if i fail again / then i know you’re still listening") [x] audio only - from 2:45 (same changes as above +) "i hope you're still listening" ("i know you're still listening")

Happy to Be Here: [x] tiny changes. not sure if she's done this more than once "different me would be inhabiting my body / have two cars, a garage, a dog..." ("different me would be inhabiting this body / have two cars, a garage, a job...")

Something: [x] [x] [x] [x] (she adds 'again' a lot, even since 2015) “asking aloud why you’re leaving again” (“asking aloud why you’re leaving--”) [x] (this was prior to release) "asking aloud why you're leaving again / i know you won't answer me" ("asking aloud why you're leaving --- / but the pavement won't answer me")

Red Door: [x] "beneath before you won't follow me down" ("beneath before you wont follow me there")

Shadowboxing: [x] [x audio only - from 3:09] "tell me that you love me / tell me you love me / i wanted so bad to believe you / so tell me you loved me / tell me you loved me / i wanted so bad to believe you" ) ("when you tell me you love me / tell me you loved me / i wanted so bad to believe it / so tell me you love me / tell me you loved me")

Ziptie: [x] [x] [x] [x] (side note the end of the second clip rules!!) “someone’s/somethings got my heart in a ziptie” (“someone’s got my head in a ziptie”)

Tokyo: [x] [x] [x audio only - from 1:30] in a few performances in 2022 “a seven-car pile-up of every disastrous thing that i am" (“a seven-car pile-up of every disastrous thing that i’ve been”) + also sings "accident" instead of "aftermath" in the audio clip

Relative Fiction: [x] [x] [x] [x] does this lots! "honey you're the only thing i'll wait around for" ("--you’re the only thing i’ll wait around for")

Highlight Reel: [x] [x audio only from 1:45 ] original chorus lyrics are 'you feel' but now in one chorus she sings 'to' and the other she sings 'you' "ooh it's a highlight reel / tell me how to feel" ("ooh it's a highlight reel / tell me how you feel")

Ringside: [x] [x] [x audio only from 3:50] two separate lyrics changes in these clips! "like a scratch-off ticket how i dig my nails into your skin" ("like a scratch-off ticket how you dig your nails into my skin")

(from final verse) “nobody deserves a second chance / so why do i keep getting them?” (“nobody deserves a second chance / but i keep giving them”) [x] [x] (from the second last verse) “nobody deserves a second chance / but somehow i keep fucking getting them” (“nobody deserves a second chance / but honey i keep getting them") Anti-Curse: [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] she doesn't always change 'foreign characters' "writing the words to the best love song you've ever heard" ...“sounding out familiar characters” ("writing the words to the worst love song you've ever heard"...“sounding out the foreign characters”)

Favor: [x] [x] [x] [x] first change - changing to 'why?' in most live performances “why couldn’t you make me do it?” (“well you couldn’t make me do it”) [x] [x] new change from MSG in 2023! “how did you make me do it?” (“well you couldn’t make me do it”)

HONOURABLE MENTIONS:

Funeral Pyre: [x] this is just a funny thing i found on my hunt. the audience accidentally corrected her grammar, theyre singing along and sing "needed so badly" instead of the original "needed so bad" and everyone took a lil' moment to laugh. Funeral Pyre: allegedly. i just read about it somewhere so have no proof!! “while i drank gasoline 'cause it's what i needed so bad” (“while you drank gasoline 'cause it's what you needed so bad”) Shadowboxing: [x] she doesn't really change any lyrics significantly but repeats the final verse for emphasis.

Good News: [x] (i think an early/demo version but i cant find any other recordings/videos of this version!) "how i fuck up everything i think could be good news" ("how i ruin everything i think could be good news") Rejoice: [x] house show performance from 2015 before official release. a few different lyrics! "ask you why did you let them leave and then force me to stay?" ("asking why did you let them leave and then make me stay?") (final verse) "i rejoice anyway / i rejoice either way" ("i rejoice i rejoice / i rejoice i rejoice") Sour Breath: [x] she added a new mini verse repeating "the harder i swim" where there are usually just instrumentals or 'oohs.' then she continued with the original final "the harder i swim the faster i sink" verse.

Sour Breath: [x] house show performance from 2015 before official release. there's an entire additional verse where the repeated 'the harder i swim the fast i sink' usually is. proceed with caution. "...too late to talk just go to sleep been up too long and you've been drinkin' all night it's almost a week and you haven't said a word been thinkin' it isn't worth the tryin' it takes to fix everything you hate about me all that you wouldn't wanna see

the harder i swim, the faster i sink and all i ever wanted was to pull you down with me was to pull you down with me don't you wanna sink with me? don't you wanna drown with me? just let me pull you down..."

[callmecrazy4u2]

Yandere! HSR & Genshin Guys x Fan! Reader: Wriothesely, Zhongli, Jing Yuan 'Bird' reader

When you are in love different sides of love show…but when you stop being lovestruck and give up how far will the guys go to get it back and make you theirs again….

Flirty! Reader x Yandere!Wriothesley- Bird & Dog- Humor smut fluff some yandere. Trying to Rizz up Wrio goes Wrong or right? 

Anxious Artist Readera! x Art Critic!Yandere! Zhongli- Coworkers-Bird & Snake- A Portrait of Morax: Phoenix & Dragon - workplace romance, courting, crush, yandere, manipulation

Shy! Baker- Bird & Lion- Jing Yuan - fav customer, manipulation, first crushes, fluff smut

Flirty! Reader x Yandere!Wriothesley: Trying to Rizz up Wrio goes Wrong or right? 

Synopisis: A flirty prisoner trades slang with the guard and prisoners secretly teasing the Wriothesly the prison warden. As they have a crush but too shy to act on so resort to flirting badly as a joke. However Wriothesley does get the slang one day and reader is sure to pay…..

Hey warden where you at? With those Muffins….

“Wriothesly why not Wrio slay bae ~”

Yo got he got the whole bakery 

“Buns in the back do slap"

“Oh a Joke show me then what you mean? Or am I not the dog of meriopoide or is it you?”- Wriothesly

Flirty! Reader x Yandere!Wriothesley

Trying to Rizz up Wrio goes Wrong or right? 

Synopisis: A flirty prisoner trades slang with the guard and prisoners secretly teasing the Wriothesly the prison warden. As they have a crush but too shy to act on so resort to flirting badly as a joke. However Wriothesley does get the slang one day and reader is sure to pay…..

Hey warden where you at? With those Muffins….

“Wriothesly why not Wrio slay bae ~”

Yo got he got the whole bakery 

“Buns in the back do slap” cleverly offered Reader delivering a tongue twister and a euphemism all in one. 

The laughter fell to quiet among the frozen fellow prisoners. A shadow hovering above readers head. Literally as the  shadow of the very person they were teasing was behind them

“Ahem and what are we doing here? Tapping a foot Wriothesly the prison warden questioned them with hands crossed looking intimidating though normally laid back…

“Making fun of your superior you do know I’m the warden right?” He continued with knit brows. 

“Um All in good fun my lord duke warden wriothesly” you stuttered. 

“I don’t mind some jokes I can take them but what do you mean by buns”

The rest had scattered cowards. 

“Um “ You might die from embarrassment 

“N-nothing sir”

“I guess this calls for interrogation then until you spit it out” he said Wriothesley  spinning his cuffs and clapping them on you to drag you off. 

Wriothesly blue eyes flash with hint of teeth predatorily looming over you in secluded hallway tp the staircase to the interrogation room you guessed. 

“This is  an abuse authority!” you protested stumbling behind him in the prison corridors 

“One last chance tell me me or…” he trailed off menacingly 

 Wriothesly pressed up against you in the corridor hallway. Unable to escape your were restrained cuffed to him and pressed up against the cold  wall. You were warmed only by his body heat. 

“They were all compliments”  you blurted out face burning eye squeezed shut in fear. 

Wriothesly was generally was tolerant with prisoners given the welfare meals and boxing games he’d play. Perhaps teasing him was too far and felt like he lost respect 

“Good job”  he pats your head with smile as you sink in relief but are pulled into the room to your dismay squeezing eye shut in fear.

“Now tell me the rest” Wriothesly’s hand guides you unwilling to what you thought was the interrogation room but instead his plush office. 

You blink in surprise and shock as he proffers a teacup to you 

“Sooo who stopping me from having someone over for tea? Wriothesly cocked his head a sly teasing smile he wasn’t serious was he?

He just wanted in on the gossip and for you to spill the tea. 

“No one— er you  that is you ….assets” you gulp  truth spilling out voice small with his feirce interested star like a dog wanting treats.

Wriothesly cocked his head like dog pricking up it’s ears amused to see you stumble to reiterate it as politely as possible 

He approached with a tired sigh. A hand cupping  around your to force you to look at him as he leaned in close enough to kiss to your mortified thoughts

“Oh do continue “ Wrio said going lower teasing as you realized he knew all along he was just teasing you!

Wrio held your arm up to his arm up to his own sitting beside you on the couch. Knees and arms touching as you were cuffed still by one arm. 

The warmth of his breath and his chest pressing to your back as you blushed. 

“This is what you wished right?” Wrio inquires as you Shake in anticipation fear as desire burns with humiliation. 

“Err it was joke “ you stammer embarrassed  and breathing heavily in shock unsure what would happen next or if you would want it or not.

Wrio grabbed gently but firmly and pushed you to fall face forward on his office couch “Time for interrogation then” he amusedly said as you sprawled hand and knees on the couch. 

“ Well,then play around with me a bit more hmmm?” A curious head tilt like a dog the eager blue of his eyes cutting into you. As Wrio pulled you up by the chin to look at him 

“Entertain me” Wrio hums assessing your eyes for lies. You crane your head  to look at him from where he  towering above you prepared to do god knows what what. Something Good or bad? 

“Show me what you want”  he says tipping your chin with boot as you like lip nervously to mirror you in anticipation.

“Or am I not the dog of meriopoide or is it you?”  Yandere Wrio mocked .

000 Cut where out should be smut lol 0000

So dive in …. And eat that bakery hun…. Lol 

Wrio Smut in a previous post for those thirsty for more~

Or 

you hesistate from there Wrios stops hand up

 “haha Just A Joke….just don’t let me hear other calling me that again” with a laugh and ruffle of you hair from you kneeling stepping away returning to his jokester self. 

“But nothing, about you doing it~” he says with a wink as you gape. 

Artist! X Yandere! Admirer! Zhongli : The Bird & The Snake

 If art was priceless 

What about the artist?- Zhongli/Morax/Rex Lapis 

Synopsis: A starving artist takes a job at the funeral parlor and finds inspiration for their first portrait, the god Morax when seeing their muse as funeral consultant coworker Zhongli.  

Unbeknownst, to Artist Reader, their coworker is the geo lord himself in disguise. Zhongli notices their art in an auction mostly landscapes of Liyue which he buy up and eventually finds the Morax portrait. 

The artist!reader rises to fame so tries to quit job at funeral parlor to pursue art, but Rex Lapis won’t let them break the contract so easily…..after finding out they are the artist they adore.

As for a contract….How about we make another one, dear artist?

You may look and draw as much you want dear. 

As long, as your eyes are mine alone- Rex Lapis 

Artist! Reader POV x Zhongli

The doodles in your planner and sketches of his figures hurriedly hidden before you knew it. His beauty undeniable in the dying light. 

Zhongli was well known as an art critic and while you’d love to receive a favorable opinion. 

A bad one would crush you and any hopes and dreams of being an artist. 

Zhongli was such a perfectionist you didn’t dare show him any of your art for fear of it being rejected. 

Especially, of the ones you did of him idly in your planner when you were enamored by his beauty….

You couldn’t even draw him properly. You were too embarrassed and as a person you needed his permission to draw him….but….Morax a god based on the statues was fair game not like you would ever meet him….

It just happened to be your artistic decision that he looked a little like your coworker….after all not that you ever same though uncanny similar build or so you fantasized. 

Not like you could see underneath his — you shook your head bit let fantasy run wild with a portrait of Morax instead

Still uncanny, they looked alike or was that just your silly crush?

Zhongli POV

—— 

A diligent worker but shy. Hu Tao’s antic salways seems to run off most employees. However, you were kind, calm and didn’t seem bothered by the director’s eccentricities. 

Solid as rock

Perhaps that was drew him to you. That and your graceful delicate movements rearranging papers or sketching out coffin ideas. 

Zhongli appreciated your refined sense of style and tasteful choices in decor.

Zhongli enjoyed the endless art discussions over lunch breaks that you seem to appreciate when others dropped off halfway through his monologuing. 

—

Zhongli was an admirer of your landscapes of Liyue. The mundane made beautiful through few precise strokes. 

Zhongli swelling with pride at what Liyue had become as encapsulated in the eyes of an artist and made into reality. 

Zhongli was connoisseur and a collecter. So he of course bought all your artwork no matter the cost. A bidding war began and well those he could not acquire he found a way he was a god after all…

 If art was priceless 

What about the artist?

-----

“Why don’t you just kiss already” Hu Tao broke in to her glee and exasperation at your slow romance. A realization that broke Zhongli's resolve and shoes light that you were the artist he admired and one he liked.

After careful contemplation, Zhongli realizes he likes you and is just as stubborn as a rock when he resolves to court you. 

However the traditions Zhongli uses for dating are so ritualistic old and esoteric that you do not realize that is what he is doing but appreciate the gestures….

The frequent lunches and dinners to talk about work that are dates in disguise…

Zhongli gifting a knotted red charm with jade for luck in marriage. 

Zhongli insisting they exchanging a Phoenix hairpin exchange for a dragon handkerchief present around New Years. 

----

Zhongli finds ithe protight of moraz after you decide to sell the morax painting after consideration the buyer is willing pay alot . ENough you coudl retire and continue painting and pursue yoru but unease teh loss of painting what liklihood hoo perosn based off it would find it?

You owe this mystery buyer and art critic alot too as your painting have gain fame and critical acclaim due to thier eye.

so you trun in you resignation.

"You cannot go" Zhongli Firmly said.

"You see me, as I truly am after all , you can accept all may flaws and facets. And see the true me behind the disguise" he hummed mysteriously as Zhongli revealed the morax painting you drew

"wh-where did you get that?" you gasped embarrassed.

"Would you consider a new contract perhaps?" . Now looking at him stunned and frightened with new eyes. Zhongli your coworker and funeral consultant who you crushed on was Morax, the god of contract and you had just broken one....

He continued taking you chin carefully with his fingertip to stare with serpentine golden eyes.

A Phoenix in dragons trap more like a bird in snakes nest the coils constricting tighter slowly without notice until asphyxiated.

As for a contract….How about we make another one, dear artist?

You may look and draw as much you want dear. 

As long, as your eyes are mine alone- Rex Lapis 

. 

Yandere! Zhongli POV x Artist! Reader: The bird & the Lion

Admirer! Baker! Reader x Yandere Jing Yuan

Cat & Bird Bakery

How sweet you are and the sweets you bake

It always warms my heart, Can I have taste?

You offered first after all. - Jing Yuan 

Synopsis: Yandere!Jingyuan a weathered war hero, finds respite in a quiet teashop where the baker is a fan of his and treats him on the house. He continued likening the baker to a shy bird flitting about tables to help as a people pleaser.

Jing Yuan POV

Jing Yuan is amused at how clumsy she gets with him around. His beauty distracted her to stare at him from the corner of her eye with an evident crush. He continues visiting the teahouse to ease her to his presence. Until one day he falls asleep past closing time….Reader gets a blanket but he’s awake and has been watching her the entire time….feigning tiredness to stay after hours…

“No need for that my dear I’m awake. I’ve been watching you the whole time” 

Jing Yuan, yawns a flash of lion's teeth and golden eye. Now a hungry lion fixed on the helpless bird...

“I’m tired from work today and home is far away….”

Jing Yuan, lazily slowly meaningfully catching your hand to his and pressing it to his cheek nuzzling it so you cannot escape. 

“Um  you should get some rest its err past closing time” awkward fumbling emabrrassed being so close and handling your hand. 

Jing Yuan blinked, slowly, lazily his hungry golden gaze freezing you in place and silencing your complaints before melting into a fervent pleading soft stare. 

“Do you have somewhere I could take a nap?”

There was no way you would refuse him right? 

Not the hero, the general of the loufu….

 The prey he had been eyeing all along. 

Slowly but surely he’d consume you in your entirety. 

His little bird. 

--

The Bird & The Dog lol more crack pair funny now relief

Concept idea

Because while reader is an obsessed fan have you ever heard never meet your heros? Fantasy is much different from reality….and in reality no one wants a yandere….

The stalker becomes the stalked sorta situation get what coming for em lol by time reader gets over the crush the crush reciprocates too late… 

this become softer more recipircl than i thought but slight possievive obseeseive yandere love tinge if not mutual

[berriblossom]

Hi can I make a request of Casper from a date with death with a short s/o that’s chubby and a baker and is a otaku and is a tomboy but still likes some cute things tho

I just wanna see some domestic things for Casper

-> This is so much cuteness! Thank you for the ask!

-> What he loves most | Casper x gn!reader! -> Second POV, just fluff!

There were a lot of things Casper had to get used to when he had his newfound freedom from being a reaper of souls. Many of which he happily shared with you.

Whether it was going through old manga that you had stored on your shelves that he read in his free time, or watching old animation films you bought for him to entertain himself with. Some nights if he felt up to it, he'd ask to wear a face mask while watching a new show of yours. He may not understand the concept of "fighting for your honor back " but he'd watch if it makes you happy. Another thing Casper loves while doing this is laying his head on your thighs or tummy. Slowly as you watch the film you'll notice him lean closer and closer to you as the show goes on. Soon enough he's lying on your thighs commenting about the protagonist being too bright or obnoxiously loud. (if you mention anything about being the same way to him, he will deny it and say you get an exception because his sunshine is supposed to be bright and vibrant.) He will also remind you if the show you are watching or catching up on has new episodes, just to remind you and make you smile at the end of a work day.

If you like playing games of any sort, he is down but is competitive and kind of a grandpa.(remember the emoji convo) so be patient with him. He is trying. I see Casper as the type of gamer to play the Sims and never leave the computer, just designing his future with you, your pet, Azrael, and a garden for you. (with a large kitchen and space for baking, with a personal room for you and your novelties and books). Don't let him play a horror game. He either makes fun of it for the overdramatic deaths or he'll challenge it. Either way, the fear factor won't work on him like that(in my opinion) but try and delete the 4 bedroom and 3 bath home on the Sims he made for you, there you will get tears and screams.

Another thing Casper likes is your job. Even though he has mentioned that reapers don't need to eat, sleep, or breathe somehow he is always jumping at the occasion whenever you text him about bringing home any baked goods or pastries from the shop home to him and Azrael. (yes, him too because it is an excuse for you to bring more to share) It doesn't matter what you pick, he'll eat it with an adorable face of joy. He sometimes will come down to the bakery and help if you need it.

While making fun of you for being "below the average mortal height" that he has seen over the years. You can flirt as much as you want to but, Casper will always use his height to his advantage. If you're in the shop and need something from a high shelf or above the fridge? Ask him politely to inflate his ego a little bit and then he will help you. While placing his tease a bit. Looking for something specific but can't seem to find it. He placed it on top of the fridge in "sky jail" because you teased him earlier about liking cream in his mouth. Now you'll never finish the dessert you were making unless you go to find the step stool. (which he has also put in a higher place to piss you off more.)

Cuddling sessions after a tiring day of work are as ethereal as Casper is. Had a hard day at work? Get in the blanket with him, he might be as frigid as a frozen tundra but his cuddles and affectionate squeezes and words of encouragement are just as warm. A customer made you a little upset? Oh, trash needed to go out on Thursday anyway (that's a joke, unless...).

The best learning experience for Casper is when he tries to bake or cook with you, he doesn't know the proper measurements for anything, it's random bullshit and go for him. But he will listen to your instructions. While he is intently measuring the sugar, water, and yeast mixture with full concentration, if you go up to him and give him a kiss or hug him from behind he'll shoo you away and mumble about how he was so kind to be helping you at work. FOR FREE. But after a few minutes, he'll ask for your assistance on a task and will cling to you like glue. Will he get flour in his hair? You'll never know, but he will snipe samples and test batches of anything you'll make. Your coworker's batches? Not so much. Even if it is hot garbage in your opinion he will still eat it up as if he was starved.

All in all, Casper can be a little shit or sweetheart for you. Just bring some extra snacks for him and Azrael for the next few days while he is on that Sims 4 dream home.

[holylulusworld]

Big girls don't cry - Prologue

Summary: You are no stranger to heartbreak.

Pairing: CEO!Steve Rogers x Plussized!Reader

Warnings: angst, strong reader, mentions of former heartbreak, fluff 

Rating: Teen 

Square 4 filled for @marvelfluffbingo (expired): Pillow forts 

Square 10 filled for @warmandfluffybingocards: Build a pillow fort

Big girls don’t cry masterlist

The first time a boy broke your heart was at the age of six. 

He only played with you to get free cupcakes and cookies at one of your grandmother’s bakeries.

You caught him kissing another girl’s cheek. He just shrugged and said that you are chubby and scare him.

You shrugged, called him out, and shoved him. That little shit landed on his ass, in a puddle. His pants were soaked, and he ran home, crying like a baby.

The second time a boy broke your heart was harder. 

You were twelve and he was your first crush. He liked hanging out with you and gave you your first kiss.

But when your classmates asked if you are his girlfriend, he said you’re just the fat girl helping him with his homework. Not even a friend. 

This time, you shoved the bastard against a wall, sized him up, and called him a dipshit. Before you walked away like a queen, not a girl with a broken heart.

You didn’t cry. Not in front of him or your nosy classmates. The first teardrop fell the moment the door of your room closed behind you. You called in sick and built a pillow fort to hide from the world.

The next time a boy broke your heart you were prepared. You knew something was wrong when he started to text you less. One of his dick head friends made a stupid comment and the next moment your boyfriend decided you are not the girl he wants to take to prom.

You kicked his balls, making him cry. And later, you remodeled his car with a baseball bat when you caught him in the backseat with some other girl.

People said you should try anger management. You said people should stop judging others by their size and cheating on their partners.

After that, you stayed on your own for a while. No man got the chance to break your heart until you met a blue-eyed hunk sweeping you off of you your feet. Literally. 

He ran you over on his way to a meeting. Steven Grant Rogers. Your hero in an expensive suit wanted to pick you up.

He didn’t care that you told him you’re too heavy or, that you can get back up on your own. Steve insisted on helping you up and carrying you toward the nearby bench. You protested but he canceled his meeting and invited you for dinner to make things up to you.

That’s how you ended with a broken heart yet again.

Now, ...

“Baby doll, I gotta go,” Steve whispered in your ear. He pressed a soft kiss to your ear shell as you wrapped your arms around him. “I’ll be back in a week and have all the time in the world for my girl.”

“It’s alright,” you mumbled. “Dad wants me to check on the newest store. The baker is not good.” You sighed. “If only I wasn’t the best baker in town.”

“In the state.”

“Last time you said in the world.” You lifted your head to look at Steve. “Did you find a better baker yet?” 

He grinned. “Of course not, baby doll.” Steve hastily said. “I’m not much of a cake eater, but I love your cookies, cupcakes, and muffins.”

“I hope you don’t compliment my food to get me in your bed, Sir,” you joked. “You know, I’m not the kind of girl to forgive you if you insult my cake!”

“I know how to make things up to my girl,” he purred in your ear. “I’ll be so good to you when I’m back from my business trip. I promise to have more time for you from now on. I just need to…”

“Take over another company?” you teased. “You’re like a vampire, sucking an already weak victim dry.”

“That’s not how we do business. You know that.”

“Steve, you and your partners buy companies and fire people all the time.”

“I save companies in trouble.”

“Let’s not fight,” you stopped the discussion before it got out of hand. You don’t like Steve’s job, or the fact that he buys companies that are in trouble. “We have different opinions about this, but you’re a good man, and I know you only fire people to save the company.”

“Come here.” Steve wrapped his arms around you to grope your plump ass. “That’s my girl.” He purred. “I can’t wait to come back to you.”

>> Part 1

Tags in reblog.

[satocidal]

𓂂 ˚ ☆ ꙳ * ࣭ 𓂂 ˚ ☆ ꙳ * ࣭ “Of Breads And Buns” - JJK Men

Synopsis: just Jujutsu kaisen men dealing with an oblivious (or are you?) reader—who’s all too focused on baking rather than the chemistry he’s trying to build.

— Word count: 1k

— A/n: Based on this ask here! Thank you so much to whoever requested it :) hope you enjoy it<3 (ps: I know geto is a bit different from request but I liked this better Lmao)

— Warnings: suggestive; mostly fluff + an oblivious reader; not proofread—may have typos

Gojo Satoru:

Stubborn. Just one word is to describe his indiscriminate efforts after you—he’s enamoured after all. It was simple really, Satoru had a sweet tooth, you preferred baking goods sweeter than most—from experience, he realised you were sweet too. And however could he control himself then? When you paraded around in the kitchen, an apron wrapped around you—save for the ganache stains you managed to land on your hand still—eyes focused into the dough at hand after than his careful eyes staring at you with adoration.

“Y/n,” Satoru found himself calling out cheerily—as per usual, a certain pull in his heart when he saw you smile back at him—god how he loved that smile of yours.

Hands outstretched you handed him a small box, his brows raised and a grin, “is it what I think it is?”

“Always,” you grinned back, waiting for him to open it, and as always, give you the best of reactions as he did—“How are these better than the ones I’ve- what?” He exaggerated it, always, you knew that but there was just a way in which it would warm your heart so you giggled.

“You’ve just got a master baker at hand Toru’” and he nodded, “Really the best,” his eyes landed on yours from behind his blindfold—how he wished you knew just how fond of you he was.

“But you know what’s sweeter?” A smirk lay bare on his face—a confused look on yours, “Yeah, plenty of things Toru’” you shook your head with an innocent smile, finding his question all too dumb to be asked.

He bit back a retort, keen to never say anything snarky to you, never to someone like you—“No but like, you know, right here. Between the two of us,”

A tilt of your head and an internal groan of his—“Why I don’t see-”

“-You,” his quick breath interrupted your own—minding it all too well to not let you ruin his line, “You’re sweet, the sweetest,” he paused, debating for a second too long on to whether he should let next part drop—he did, “Delicious if i must,”

A smirk he passed, seemingly confident but almost hilarious it was onto how he prayed that you would at least understand his words before chucking a punch at him in disgust.

A frown lay on your lips, a scrunch of your nose and then a roll of your eyes—“C’mon Toru’,” you got up, “You’re back onto saying mindless stuff? How could I even ever be delicious- you don’t know that until you eat me and that’s like, impossible,”

And just how he wanted to shout in your face that, that, was exactly what he wanted to do and a lot more.

Your words seemed defiant, now a frown lay on his lips—“Impossible, right.” And in that moment, that’s how it was—until you would perhaps grow another brain to add two and two together and understand his intentions.

You did however, notice hid frown and chuckled, “But it’s fine Toru’ I like your little stupid jokes,” and he smiled again—knowing all too well that crushing on you was the most tiresome job he’d picked up—“Yes Ma’am,” he grinned as he wrapped another one of your spare aprons around him, all too short on him, enticing a laugh from you—and he’d make sure to do the job right.

Geto Suguru:

Shameless. Geto Suguru could get away with a lot of things—something about that charming smile perhaps, or something to do with the polite apologies he would mutter. So it as lay, when the realisation hit him that you just didn’t ‘understand’ his flirts or his innuendos, all he wanted to see was how long he could continue before you would personally call him out on it. Smirks and glances, it would be long before you did so — and till then, he’d just enjoy the sight of you baking while he lounged around, uninvited.

“Freshly baked bread?” He prompted, as the bell in your bakery chimed the moment he entered—your gaze fell upon his, loosened hair falling in front of your eyes as you did so.

Ever the gentleman, he leaned forward with a smirk on his face, a raised brow of your own—his fingers moving to tuck your hair behind your ear—“You should do something about the loose strands,” your assistant muttered under her breath—a little too annoyed by Suguru Geto’s shenanigans.

A warmth spread across your face as you nodded, pulling away slowly with a lick of your lips—and a wink of his.

“Buns,” you replied slowly, looking at him as you kneaded dough for the next batch—“quite in demand these days,” he grinned as you turned around just then, bending a little to pick the baking tray—a huff you let out—a grin his, as he stared shamelessly at your form.

He hummed along, “Love myself some buns too,” he only ever chuckled as you turned around to face him again, “specially yours.”

Sometimes he pitied your assistant as he did now, for everything you and him put her through—a little cough she let out everytime he spoke such obscenities.

You smirked at his words—feigning your innocence, “You should get some, you know? Could give ya a discount too,” a mischievous smile you held as you roughly worked the dough—“Get into it doll,” he whispered, as if it were something so delicate—“Really wanna get into mounds you know? Work out that tension,” a groan he passed as you kneaded the dough he advised, “jus’ like that,”

Another cough—flustered, from the assistant.

“The dough of course,” Suguru added with a smirk as he got up, “I’ll let ya work your buns, bet it’ll be as soft and nice as you,” and with that, he was gone—as always.

“Y/n,” a whine you heard as you turned around, a blushing mess of your assistant, “You do know he’s flirting with you right?”

A laugh erupted from you as you shook your head, “Is he now then? Seemed like genuine help to me,”

A shove from her and you laughed more, “I’ll let him go on for a while I think.”

All of this original and my own—please refrain from copying or reposting.

Likes and Reblogs highly appreciated!

Taglist:- @rizzmin @illogicallyx @gojoismybitch @lavendervogh @mistyheart @yooiimiya @myrand0mfand0mbl0g @kazoomas @4sat0ruu @hiomi-hiomi @misaki-the-lotusflower

[keeksandgigz]

lavender syrup (part one of lessons in alchemy)

barista!eddie munson x fem!barista!reader AU

summary: Eddie is the owner of the most popular cafe in his small town, "The Mad Alchemist," you are the owner of the rival cafe "Daily Drug". You obviously hate each other, but when a pipe bursts into your cafe that might take months to repair, your contractor assigns you and your coworkers to work with Eddie in order to keep your job, just until "Daily Drug" is ready to run again. Is tolerating him really that big of a feat?

cw: 4k words, swearing, modern setting, allusions to smut but nothing explicit (yet), Eddie calls reader a bitch a couple times and he's such a condescending asshole but in a hot way, i feel like the sexual tension needs its own tw, Steve is also in this &lt;3

a/n: pls like and reblog and feedback is always so very much appreciated!! my requests are always open if u wanna chat &lt;3

divider by @benkeibear

Eddie Munson wasn’t the type to want much from life. He was content in his little town, managing the coffee shop that kept it alive. From the early morning crew of truckers, farmers, nurses and cops to the 9 am rushes of the corporate job workers from one town over to the yoga moms, the high schoolers after the ring of the last bell. Eddie Munson did not have any big plans for his life. The little coffee shop made him enough money that he was able to take care of his uncle, now retired, and live by himself in a small apartment with his roommate, Steve. 

He got an associate’s degree in business, and after that he opened “The Mad Alchemist Cafe,” a DnD themed rustic coffee shop filled with beakers, lights and plants. The exposed brick the “interior designer” (it really was just a friend who had a good eye) begged him to paint over was instead littered with posters of announcements. He would host poetry slams, band performances, most importantly DnD campaigns he'd have to close down the cafe for in the evenings. For a few years he had also been hosting Christmas and Thanksgiving dinners for those who didn’t have a family to go home to for the holidays. 

He hired his roommate and closest friend, Steve to be the baker. Straight out of cooking school, Steve Harrington took care of the sweet and savory. The thousand- layer croissants that would melt once slightly placed on the tip of the tongue. Airy, buttery pastry that made Eddie's customers sigh with every bite, as they lingered on the wooden bar, conversing with the baristas. The lunch hour crew, asking for meatball sandwiches and messy pasta bowls. He’d make turkeys for the dinners at the cafe, during the holiday season, along with insurmountable potato dishes and stuffing. 

Eddie's life was littered with small sprinkles of joy. Everyone knew him as the kid from the cafe, with his long hair, sticking out of the messy bun he would wear to work. It started off as a joke in middle school, when Eddie's hair was buzzed due to a lice epidemic. Steve had miserably beat him at the arcade. He had grown fond of the long hair though, and added to the mystique of his coffee shop. It was also metal as fuck.

He felt like he was the main accessory to his lovely brick building; there would not have been  “The Mad Alchemist Cafe” without Eddie Munson, something that both staff and customers knew. The cafe would also not have been the cafe without the three years long rivalry with the only other cafe on their side of town, “Daily Drug” that opened a year after Eddie’s. The brand new establishment that started taking customers from him, claiming that their chai lattes and breakfast sandwiches were to die for.

Eddie had not interacted much with you, the owner of the cafe. Your bossy, stuck up and overall terrible attitude were a house trade mark there. He had been in the cafe though, and understood why “Daily Drug” was such an incredible contender to his establishment. The ambiance was different, like a Pinterest board had come to life. The pink and blue tile that decorated the walls as well as the ironic bitchy posters that ranged from a snarky “What are you looking at?” to a direct and curt “don’t be an asshole” decorated the walls. 

It was nothing like the cafe Eddie had imagined, the colorful palette contrasting with the caricaturistic mean and sarcastic ways of the staff, whose bitterness might have actually improved the taste of their coffee, as their lavender lattes tasted way sweeter, the syrup not overpowering the taste of the coffee, perfectly blended with the best milk for the beverage, which he found was almond.

You could have easily spat in his cup, but you serve him with feigned kindness as you make sure to make him hear a soundly “UGH could he be any more annoying?” to a blonde haired coworker, whose name he finds out later is Colette. Colette erupts in laughter as she serves his lavender latte with an egg and sausage burrito with a side of aggressive side eye. You had definitely spat in his drink. 

A fifteen- minute car ride later, Eddie enters his cafe begrudged by his inability to master a lavender latte. The taste of his in- house lavender syrup is too artificial, while “Daily Drug”’s try as he might is a flavor that he had never encountered.

The lavender provides a sweet flavor to the drink that pairs perfectly with the bitter coffee and the creamy taste of the almond milk without the artificial aftertaste. He beelines to the back of the building, to the room he called his lab, setting down his bag on a stool next to him as he takes a bored bite out of the egg and sausage burrito. Hm. Steve's is better. 

He jots down some notes in his journal. Try lemon for lavender syrup. Fennel seed in the sausage. Paprika maybe? Definitely garlic. He should have listened to his uncle and he should have gone to cooking school before he had opened the restaurant. He knew that he had the talent for it, Steve had even asked him to apply together, but he felt like it was not his true calling. 

“Your true calling is bossing everyone around, Ed” said his uncle with a laugh, one of the many sleepless nights he had spent mulling over the cafe during its early days. A knock startles him from his reverie. It's Steve. 

“Hey, didn’t see you come in. Are you still stressing over that lavender syrup thing?” he leans on the doorframe, half smiling at Eddie. He came in too early. Him and Steve were kind of the same in that regard, once haunted by an idea, they would not rest until it was executed. 

“What was it this morning? Strawberry frosting on matcha rolls?” says Eddie taking another bite out of his stale burrito.

"Nah, it's for the Halloween special, I'm trying to figure out the menu. We need to remember to add more nutmeg to the pumpkin spice syrup this year" Steve says, crossing his arms.

"Shit, yeah, I almost forgot. Also, this" Eddie shakes his burrito towards his friend "does not compare to yours by, like, miles. The sausage is too dry and the egg too cooked" Steve shrugs and fixes his glasses with a smug smile.

"Knew it." Eddie laughs at that, then proceeds to scribble in his leather bound notebook. Then the phone rings.

"Hey Steve, do you mind getting that?" Eddie says, not moving his head from the notebook.

"You got it boss" Steve heads towards the phone in Eddie's office.

"'Mad Alchemist Cafe' Steve speaking...Mhm...yeah, Eddie's in...oh shit" at that, Eddie turns his head.

"What is it, what's wrong Steve?" his tone alarmed as he paces towards the phone.

"Yeah no he's here you can talk to him, Jim" Steve passes the phone, making a face, the corners of his mouth pulled as if he were in trouble. "It's Jim" his contractor. Fuck.

Eddie presses the phone to his ear "Hey Jim, what's up?" his tone tense and cautious.

"Hey, kid, I don't know how to tell you this, but a pipe burst at 'Daily Drug'" Jim sounds scared, but Eddie is still struggling to figure out what that had to do with him, other than the fact that he would finally get back his traitorous customers who had gone to the dark side when “Daily Drug” opened.

"Yeah, ok, and that's my problem because?" he's annoyed at the ominous way Jim called at 8 in the morning concerned for his rival cafe's burst pipes.

"Are you sitting down, kid?" Ed rolls his eyes, he's getting seriously pissed off at this whole mystery thing his contractor's getting at.

"Yeah, Jim. Fuck sake just spit it out"

"Alright, alright no need to get aggressive" Jim takes a deep breath in "In order for the girls at 'Daily Drug' to keep their jobs you need to hire them, at least until the shop is up and running again." Oh shit indeed. Jim trails off, waiting for a reaction.

"How long Jim?" Eddie's fuming.

"It could take up to six months, really, the pipe fucked up the whole kitchen so they need to redo the back and stuff, hell it might take a year knowing how slow these fuckers operate" Jim exhales, he's probably shaking. Eddie did not make his contempt for “Daily Drug” unknown.

“Jesus Christ Jim you can’t do this to me. You know how much that- that bitch hates me. Everytime I go there I'm pretty sure she spits in my coffee. I'm actually convinced they all do, Jim" he's spiraling.

"C'mon kid, don't be stupid. That would violate an incredibly long amount of regulations and they would need to close down if it were true. Which I don't think it is" Jim sounds like he's finding this amusing now.

"This is not funny. And- and then what? The owner just comes in here and she starts actin' like she owns the place? We start sharing responsibilities? That's real cute, Jim, y'know that? Incredibly cute." Only then Eddie had notices how hard he had been gripping the phone. And the armrest of his chair.

"Eddie, you're throwing a tantrum. The owner doesn't hate you, they're hired under the agency and I just pulled some strings because I know you and these girls- these girls have families to support and I didn't want to scatter them all across town. I know they will be in good hands, they're not your employees, Eddie. Get it in that thick skull or I'm closing your shit down" Fuck. He's backed up into a corner.

"Alright. When do they start?" He grabs a pen and a piece of paper and scribbles Daily Drug start dates.

"Okay, so we have eight employees. Four of them are going across town, I have that cafe there. The rest are going to you- Virginia, Colette, Chrissy and the owner are all going to your cafe. They start tomorrow at 9 am. Better brush up on those training books, kid." Jim snickers.

"You're hilarious, Jim y'know that?" he quickly jots down the names and the time, stopping at your name for a second, before putting an angry face next to it.

"Aw, come on, kid. Maybe it might be a great way for you all to bond and put this stupid rivalry behind"

"Yeah- yeah no, and then we're gonna ride on the rainbow towards a pot of gold and do a little jig. Of course, Jim. I am healed already. Listen, I'll call you tomorrow after everything- if that bitch doesn't put a knife at my throat, speaking of, I should hide them" he seethes.

"Don't stress Ed. You'll be okay, what matters is that-" Jim never gets to finish that sentence, blocked by the violent slam of Eddie's phone back into its socket.

"FUCKING SHIT" he yells, kicking the bottom of his desk.

"I take it wasn't good news?" Steve leans on the threshold of Eddie's office.

"Steve- God I want to punch something. The owner of 'Daily Drug' in here. She's gonna kill me. Hide the knives"

"If I didn't know you like the back of my hand I'd say you're a little scared of her, Ed."

"Have you seen her? She's terrifying. So mean. I'd be turned on if she wasn't my archenemy" and he does have eyes, he thinks you're attractive. He's fantasized about putting you in your place, sometimes. About shutting your mouth up, see how witty you were after he'd make you go dumb from a few rounds.

He shakes his head. He has to stop.

"Well, maybe you can be nice to her so we can steal her lavender syrup recipe" Steve suggests. And as morally wrong as that sounds, you've spit in his drink before, so what's a bit of foul play compared to an FDA violation?

"Steven you might be onto something, but for now let's just worry about surviving tomorrow- God I know it's gonna be awful" Eddie says. As he said that, one of his employees, Jeff, comes knocking at his office.

"Eddie, the owner of the other cafe is here, she's asking for you." Eddie's eyes widen. The fuck is she doing here?

"The fuck- Okay thank you, Jeff. Send her back here." He dismisses his barista and Steve follows him back into the kitchen.

There is no hiding you're angry. Starting a job at a place where you knew everyone hated you seemed a bit of a cunt move from Jim, and there you are. Heading towards Eddie Munson's office, walking like you own the damn place.

"You look a little too sure of yourself for someone who lost their cafe, sweetheart. What is it, hm? What are you doing here?"

His condescending tone only stokes your anger more.

"I just came here to see the place, see if I have to dumb myself down. Maybe you guys don't know what cortados are" Feigned pity in your face.

"If you've come here to be a bitch you can go right home. One call to Jim and I can end this arrangement as quickly as it started, let's not get like that, m'kay?" his smile is devilish and god it's so hard to not find him attractive even when you want to rip him to shreds for threatening you.

"I didn't come here to bitch. I wanted to pick up our aprons? You guys have cute aprons. At least you have good taste in something" you scoff, and he shoots you a look. Fucking brat.

"Yeah- um" Eddie stands up from his desk and reaches for a box in the corner of his office "I'll give you two each. Try to keep 'em clean, I don't like dirty aprons. I've seen how messy you guys are at the cafe, that won't fly here 'kay? We really value cleanliness and order here"

"How clean can a cafe run by a man really be, huh? that's probably why your lights are so dim" he wants to kill you, but also pin you against the wall and shove his tongue down your throat so you can stop talking.

"You've had a long morning, sweetheart. Why don't you go home and sleep it off? I'm afraid you're letting off all this negative energy here and we don't want that. Not here" his tone's more stern rather than joking "I'll see ya bright an' early tomorrow morning at nine. Please don't come late, yeah?" he winks at you, cueing you to leave.

As you cross the threshold of the cafe you cannot possibly fathom what was it that left you so flustered and with an insatiable hunger between your thighs.

You pick up your coworker Colette on the way to work the morning after, presenting her with a bagel and all your rage directed towards Eddie. 

“No, Col, you don’t understand. He threatened to call Jim for a little remark. You know how insane that is? He’s gonna use whatever sick power he thinks he has over me to make me stay in line. Nope, no sir not with me” you say, turning into the parking lot of the cafe. 

“This Eddie guy really is an asshole, huh?” Colette remarks, getting out of the car. 

“You have no idea, it’s like he thinks he’s the shit or something just because the whole town loves him” 

“Everyone does love me, sweetheart. Good morning ladies, I’d recommend getting in, you have five minutes.” Eddie's right behind you, closing the trunk of his van, wearing one of his dumb satanic shirts. It's black, arms covered by a ratty black leather jacket. His hair is down and a messenger bag littered with button pins is slung over his shoulder, resting on his hip. All it takes is one snide remark and then he's gone inside the shop. 

You don't realize you're staring until Colette pinches the back of your arm, you reach for the affected area. “Babes, not him. Literally anyone but him, you have literally spent the whole car ride talking about how much of an asshole he is” 

“I have eyes, Col. He’s hot, and as much as I’d love to sleep with him, my hatred for this asshole is a bit too strong. I’d probably punch him mid- act anyway” you snicker and follow Eddie inside the store. Virginia and Chrissy are already inside, you shoot them a comforting look and a light touch to Virginia’s arm, who seriously lookes like she's about to cry.

“You okay, Gin?” you ask, lightly elbowing her arm. 

“No, I- I’m okay. Just nervous, also a bit scared. The boss seems mean” she trembles. She's only seventeen, after all. She's been working since she had been able to, if not before. Taking babysitting jobs until she turned fifteen, then just started taking customer service jobs, until she stumbled inside “Daily Drug,” with the extensive resume she had, she had been easy to hire. 

“He’s an asshole, but don’t let him intimidate you. He can’t do anything without Jim’s approval, just remember that, hun” you squeeze her arm as Eddie enters, having shed his jacket, putting his hair up, and tying the purple apron around his waist. A small, golden tag says his name on the right side of his chest. 

“Good morning, ladies. My name is Eddie, the owner of this fine establishment” he bows, smirking. “The crew at “Mad Alchemist” is deeply sorry about what happened at your cafe. We will do everything in our power to make you guys feel welcome for your short stay here” at the mention of “short” his eyes dart at you. You’re not the only one who hopes this bullshit will be short, dickhead.

You step forward, putting your best polite face on. “Thanks, Eddie. We’re extremely grateful for the opportunity to keep working, and we hope to learn from our time here” you say through gritted teeth. Even being that nice to him feels like nails on a chalkboard on your brain. “These are my baristas- Virginia, Chrissy, and Colette, my baker” you point at each of your girls. 

“Oh Colette, you’re gonna want to meet with Steve, then- He’s my baker and pastry chef. I’m sure you both have a lot of things to talk about, and a lot of work to do since our Halloween special will be dropping in a week from today” a taut smile appears on his lips. 

The guy in the back with the gorgeous head of hair and round glasses whom you assume is Steve waves his hand and Colette shoots you an assuring look before she runs to him, disappearing in the back, where you assume the pastry shop is. 

No one to run to now.

"Perfect, shall we begin?" Eddie's voice feels muffled in your ears as he assigns each one of his baristas to one of yours for training. The cafe has just passed its early morning peak time, meaning that in a couple hours you will have a lunch rush. Everything feels like it's moving too fast.

The noises around you become clear again when Eddie grazes the bare skin of your arm. You shiver. Unbeknownst to you, his hand flexes at his side.

"Scared, sweetheart? You look like you've seen a ghost..." his mouth is moving, but you can't understand anything of whatever he's saying. You're unconsciously rubbing the area Eddie had touched, his fingers warm yet rough, from all the times he's had to wash his hands throughout the day.

You haven't noticed until now how thick his fingers are. Suddenly, the feeling of a phantom limb reaching out, wrapping a hand around your throat, gently feeling its way down your neck, your shoulders, your clavicle, down your stomach and into-

"You wanna follow me to my office or what? I have a couple questions for you" Eddie breaks you out of your sick reverie, leaving you a bit flushed in the face, afraid to look at him in the eye.

"Yeah-uh sorry. Lead the way" you say, and suddenly the floor becomes very interesting to look at.

Quickly, everyone gets to work. The girls being taught the house drinks by the guys at the bar, whilst you follow Eddie in his office. 

“I just need to know if there’s any schedule preferences from the girls, just in case there’s any conflict. I was thinking, since the Halloween special will be dropping, one of these days you might need to sit in here with me and I’ll give you a proper training of what that entails. Y’know tastings and such.” His demeanor has switched from snarky to utterly professional, for which you thank whatever entity in the sky, allowing you a break from his abrasive behavior. 

He sits down at his desk and pulls out a notepad and a pen. He looks at you with waiting eyes.

“Yeah, um, Virginia has school during the week and can’t work until after three and she can only work four hours on weekdays, three days a week and usually a full shift during the weekend. Chrissy and Colette can work whenever, but please don’t schedule Col at the early hours of the mornings, she actually cannot function. She’s more useful to you awake” you let out a breathy laugh, remembering Colette putting salt instead of sugar in a batch of banana bread muffins. 

In the meantime, Eddie scribbles on his notepad. You feel uneasy in a room with him without the loud tensions of an argument looming, the blood booming in your ears. 

“And you?” he raises an eyebrow, lifting his face from the notepad. 

“Oh, I’ll just come in whenever you need me. I really don’t mind, I just need a good amount of hours. I um- I have my dad to take at the hospital on Saturday mornings, but I can come after” you say, your face tinging a bright red. 

 He scribbles that down, embarrassment visible on your face as the tension in the room becomes suffocating. 

“Alright, I’ll have those schedules ready by the end of the day. I need you to come in tomorrow through Wednesday. Opening shift Monday and Tuesday, you’ll close with me and Chrissy on Wednesday. Sounds good?” he keeps writing down in his notepad, you nod. He tuts “I need words, I can’t see you nodding or shaking your head if I’m writing, can I?” 

“Y-yeah, that sounds good. Sorry” You feel even more embarrassed, the tops of your ears tinging red. 

“Don’t apologize. Just do better next time” Eddie thrums a ringed hand on the edge of his desk. He's never seen you this docile and it puts him off. He was hoping for some snide remark, but you're looking around nervously, playing with the laces of your apron, which he finds enhances the curves and features of your body. Wondering what you’d look like in nothing but that apron, all the exposed skin of your back, shoulders and– 

“Are we done here?” there she is. The snarky question makes him jump, thanking the desk for covering the lower half of his body. 

“Yeah, I can go train you now, just gimme a sec, I’ll meet you outside” I need to get rid of that boner is what he means, but you don't budge. 

“Fuck no, you’re not training me. Gimme someone else” you remark, crossing your arms. 

“God there I thought you weren’t gonna be a bitch today.” He exhales. “How many people do you see in the staff, huh? It's Steve, Gareth, Jeff and I. Not much of a merry group. You either let me train you or the door is that way.” you can tell he’s had enough of you, which only stokes your fire even more.

“Literally anyone but you. You can train Virginia, I’m sure you have a bit of heart to not be a dick to a literal child. Not that she even needs training, she has more knowledge and better work ethics than you assholes” you spit, and you’re sure Eddie wants to kill you. 

“I don’t tolerate this kind of language in my store. I’m sure that’s what attracted all my customers to your store, but you can shut that filthy mouth in here. Now, you’re gonna go out and wait for me to train you, understood?” he's seething. 

“Or what? You can’t do shit Eddie. I’m not your little employee, you can’t fucking threaten me” you're winded, this argument is stupid and you want to punch him. 

“Alright” Eddie stands up abruptly and stalks towards you. “train yourself then.”

His tone is calm and collected, which makes you tremble. He's close. Really close.

“I wanna watch you crash and burn and struggle to make a dragon’s breath latte. You don’t want me to train you? Fine. Perfect. The less time I have to spend away from your bitch mouth the better my day will be. Recipe cards are on the counter. Have fun” he taps his hand on your shoulder and gives you a pulled smile, then walks back to his desk. 

He's fucking brutal.

[hotdaemondtargaryen]

TOM GLYNN-CARNEY INTERVIEWED FOR VESTAL MAGAZINE.

REFLECTING ON YOUR JOURNEY IN THE ACTING INDUSTRY, DO YOU REMEMBER THE MOMENT YOU REALIZED YOU REALIZED YOU WANTED TO PURSUE ACTING?

"The moment I realized I wanted to pursue acting was probably when I was around 12 years old, in high school."

"I was performing in a production of Shakespeare's Macbeth at the Royal Exchange in Manchester."

"I saw older actors and wondered what their "proper" jobs were outside of the theater."

'When I asked one of them, they said': — "No, this is my proper job. This is what I do."

"I didn’t know people could do that."

"From that moment on, I knew that this is what I wanted to do as a career."

YOU'VE DONE MULTIPLE SHOWS AND MOVIES IN THE DRAMATIC GENRE. WOULD YOU EVER BE OPEN TO DOING OTHER GENRES?

"Absolutely, I'd love to explore new genres in the future."

"I'd love to give comedy a go."

"I think that would be a good challenge."

"It’s difficult because timing is crucial delivering a joke at the right time can feel almost mathematical."

"But I think that good comedy actors don't see it that way at all."

"It just comes naturally to them."

"I'd love to give it a shot."

"I'm also interested in doing biopics, bringing real-life stories to life."

"Chet Baker and Gene Kelly, in particular, would be fascinating characters to portray."

"But I'm open to any interesting projects that come my way."

HOW DO YOU CHOOSE THE ROLES YOU TAKE ON? ARE YOU DRAWN TO A PARTICULAR TYPE OF CHARACTER OR STORY?

"Honestly, I'm drawn to anything that makes me feel uncomfortable and pushes me out of my comfort zone."

"I seek out roles where the character feels distant and challenging."

"I like to test myself and see if I can bring such characters to life."

"If a role feels like something I might struggle with, that's exactly what I want to tackle."

"I often joke that these challenging roles might be my downfall someday." [laughs]

CAN YOU SHARE ANY INSIGHTS INTO HOW YOUR CHARACTER, AEGON II TARGARYEN, ENVOLVES IN THE UPCOMING SEASON?

"I found it fascinating to delve deeper into Aegon this season because there's so much more to uncover about him."

"In the first season, we saw quite a two-dimensional view of Aegon—not due to Ty Tennant's portrayal, which I thought was fantastic, bringing a lot of vulnerability and teenage angst to the character."

"When I took over, the time frame was too short to really explore Aegon's complexities."

"This time, I've had an extended period to sit with the character and dig into his deeper layers."

"Playing a character experiencing profound grief is always a challenge."

"I'm lucky enough that I've never gone through anything like that myself, so I had to imagine it as vividly as possible."

"This season, Aegon is shown as more of an empath than a psychopath."

"It becomes clear that he has the capacity to love, feel, and grieve."

"There are so many comparisons between Aegon and Richard II."

"People are saying Aegon is cold, calculated, and evil, and while he's certainly done horrible things—I'm not justifying any of those—it's important to note that, rather than being a straightforward villain, he's a crumbling tragedy."

HOW HAS YOUR APPROACH TO PORTRAYING AEGON II CHANGED FROM THE PREVIOUS SEASON TO THE NEW ONE?

"There’s definitely a continuation of the drama and theatricality from season one."

"It's huge, rousing, and intense."

"I've seen episodes one to four, and they are just unbelievable, especially the battle scenes — you can't get any bigger than that."

"This season, though, there’s also an element of humor."

"At some point, they called Aegon 'the Magnanimous,' and it was important to bring some levity to his character."

"Aegon has just stepped into the role of King and is trying to figure it all out."

"We're at a point where he’s found a spring in his step, enjoying this new responsibility and purpose."

"He’s also got a lot of power now."

"Power can go to people's heads and make them crazy."

"It was nice to explore his boyishness and playfulness, as it gives his character more depth and leaves room for growth."

WHAT WOULD YOU TELL PEOPLE TO GET THEM ON TEAM GREEN?

"I don’t think I need to persuade them—obviously, we’re the best."

"But if you really want to see why, this season is packed with surprises that will make it clear."

SINCE THE SHOW IS BASED ORIGINALLY ON BOOKS, IS THERE A SPECIFIC BOOK YOU'D LIKE TO SEE BROUGHT TO THE SCREEN AND FOR YOU TO BE A PART OF?

"I'd love to see a film adaptation of Douglas Stuart's book Shuggie Bain."

"Another great choice would be The Thousand Autumns of Jacob de Zoet by David Mitchell."

"It’s a collection of beautiful and heart-wrenching short stories, and each one could make a compelling film."

"Looking at my bookshelf now, I see a lot of books on Bob Dylan, David Bowie, and Paul McCartney—mostly singer-songwriters."

"I also have a lot of poetry. I'd love to see a biopic of Patti Smith."

"That would be incredible."

YOUR CAREER HAS TAKEN YOU TO VARIOUS FILMING LOCATIONS AROUND THE WORLD. IS THERE A SPECIFIC LOCATION YOU HAVEN'T BEEN TO YET AND WOULD LOVE TO BE THE BACKDROP FOR A POTENTIAL FUTURE PROYECT?

"Oh, that's a good question."

"I think somewhere that’s a hybrid between beautiful rolling countryside and the coast."

"A place that offers both stunning landscapes and the sea."

"On your days off, you could go for a swim or hike through the mountains."

"I’d love to work in a scenic and peaceful location like that."

SOMETIMES, ACTORS WHO PLAY 'VILLAINS' CAN GET AN ADVERSE REACTION FROM SOME FANS OF A SHOW. WHAT HAVE YOUR INTERACTIONS BEEN LIKE?

"I've been very lucky."

"Many people have approached me with kind words about my portrayal of Aegon."

"It's a challenging task to humanize someone so seemingly poisonous."

"Fortunately, I haven't had negative encounters with fans who can't differentiate between the character and the actor."

"I think we're in a different phase in society now."

"When Jack Gleeson played Joffrey, there was less social media presence, making it harder for audiences to separate the actor from the character."

"Today I think we are a more technologically advanced community, with more behind-the-scenes and a better understanding of the distinction between actor and character."

"I think people have copped on. I hope that's the case, anyway."

YOU'VE COLLABORATED WITH RENOWNED DIRECTORS LIKE CHRISTOPHER NOLAN. WHAT HAVE YOU LEARNED FROM THESE EXPERIENCES?

"Doing Dunkirk was my first significant experience on a film set."

"I really didn't know where to start."

"The canvas was completely blank."

"And it was just such a gift, a pinch me moment that I was able to learn from some of, if not the best filmmaker in the world."

"It was overwhelming."

"And I had to remind myself to be present and soak in everything like a sponge."

"Chris's patience and the support from the rest of the cast were invaluable throughout."

"We were all in it together, especially us young lads who were new to such a big production."

"We learned and grew together during that incredible experience."

IN THE KING, YOU PORTRAYED A HISTORICAL FIGURE. HOW DID YOU APPROACH BRINGING THIS CHARACTER TO LIFE?

"When portraying a fictional character, there's often more freedom because there's no definitive blueprint to follow—even if they're written in a book, they're still fictional."

"You can infuse your own understanding and personality into the role."

"However, there’s added pressure when it comes to a historical figure because you're portraying someone real."

"I never let that pressure overwhelm or hinder the process."

"Instead, I took the character as presented and focused on doing my best with the role."

A NEW HUNGER GAMES MOVIE WAS JUST ANNOUNCED, SPECIFICALLY A PREQUEL FOCUSING ON HAYMITCH'S STORY, AND MANY FANS ARE EAGER TO SEE YOU IN THAT ROLE. WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS ON THAT?

"No way, that’s the first I’ve heard of it! But I'm incredibly flattered that people would like to see me on screen again."

"If all goes well, I'll fight for my life in the Hunger Games!" [laugh]

WHAT ARE SOME OF YOUR FAVORITE SHOWS DURING YOUR DOWNTIME?

"One show I watch repeatedly, and it never gets old for me, is the UK version of The Office."

"The humor is very relatable and comforting to me."

"I even laugh just thinking about it. It's one of those TV shows when it finishes, you're like: — “Oh no! What do I do with my life? I miss the characters already.” [laugh]

"I also enjoy the US version of The Office."

"Besides that, I'm fascinated by farming documentaries."

"Shows like This Farming Life on BBC are incredibly calming for me."

"And I have to mention The Great Pottery Throwdown — I'm a bit of a pottery nerd, and that show is brilliant!

WHO ARE SOME CREATIVES YOU WOULD LOVE TO WORK WITH IN THE FUTURE?

"The list is long."

"Firstly, there are directors I'd love to collaborate with again, like Chris Nolan and Sam Mendes, with whom I've had some of my best experiences and whom I consider friends."

"I'm eager to work with them again."

"Then there are filmmakers like Andrea Arnold, Yorgos Lanthimos, Greta Gerwig, Paul Thomas Anderson, and Ruben Ostlund, all of whom I admire and would love to collaborate with."

"When it comes to actors, there are many I admire as well."

"I plan to work with individuals who challenge me, from whom I can learn, and who are dedicated to their craft."

"I appreciate those who find joy and humor in their work because life is short, and it’s important to enjoy what you do."

LASTLY, WHERE DO YOU HOPE YOUR CAREER WILL HEAD INTO THE FUTURE?

"It’s more of a feeling than a checklist of achievements that I aim for."

"I understand that feeling because I can almost sense it in advance."

"It’s difficult to articulate—it’s a mix of happiness, creative fulfillment, diversity in roles, consistent challenge, and pushing boundaries."

"I aspire to transform and lose myself in characters."

"Equally important to me is collaborating with inspiring individuals whom I can learn from and grow with."

"I also value the freedom to select projects that resonate with me personally."

[alexendria-rose]

I hate you~

Sherlock Holmes X Reader

//Enemies to lovers story. //

Warnings- SMUT, cussing, adult content 🤌

Y/n absolutely loathed Sherlock Holmes. She couldn’t stand the thought of him. She loved John though and she was always able to help when she could but since she worked at Scotland Yard she had no choice but bump into the consulting detective. He was always right and prideful about everything. So was she really excited to go to this Christmas party at 221B Baker street. No. She was dreading it. She was especially dreading it because Molly insisted they both dressed up in their prettiest outfits. She didn’t want to be in any space Sherlock was in. She very much disliked the man.

She looked at the door in front of her presents under her arm and the coat tugged tightly around her. She walks through the door a smiling Mrs Hudson beaming brightly at her.

“Oh hello dear! I was just on my way up. Do you need some help?” She asks making her way towards Y/n. She grins holding out some presents for Mrs Hudson to grab. She grabs the gifts the pair making their up the flight of stairs, Mrs Hudson opening up the door to the flat. There seemed to be only John and Sherlock here at the moment. Y/n mentally groans and rolls her eyes as she sees Sherlock on his chair playing around with his violin. John walks out of the kitchen holding a cup of tea.

“Hey! You’re right on time. The others should be showing up soon.” John says making his way towards Y/n giving her a small hug.

“I thought there would be people here by now.” Y/n giggles giving John an awkward hug back, she looks at Sherlock whos eyes were already on her. “Hello curls.”

Sherlock scoffs placing his violin down on the floor before standing up from his chair. “I knew I felt the IQ of the room go down.” He grumbles.

“That’s funny because I think that exact thought when I see you.” She smirks placing the presents down on the floor. By then people started walking in the door Y/n spotting the glare Sherlock gave her. Molly runs up to Y/n giving her a hug, her red dress tight against her body, the red lipstick looking fantastic on her.

“What are you doing! Take off that coat now.” Molly states. “I can’t be the only one that looks this fantastic.” She giggles lightly. Y/n rolls her eyes.

“I don’t know. I don’t like being the center of attention.” Y/n says shyly keeping her arms crossed.

“Come on. Take this off.” Molly mutters pulling at her coat. Y/n groans before taking off her coat revealing her black mini dress with a neckline. Molly whistles bringing the attention on Y/n. She mentally face palms herself the growing blush on her cheeks noticing the way everyone was looking at her. Greg makes his way towards her.

“Wow wow wow.” He compliments a beer in his hand. “Wonder where you’ve been hiding that body.” Greg flirts obviously already starting to get a little tipsy.

“I tend not to dress like this at work Greg.” She chuckles softly. Her blush growing at the attention she was getting, she wasn’t used to it all.

“Well if you did bet you all the lucky men would come after ya.” Greg chuckles leaning against the wall to support himself.

Sherlock gazed from afar watching Greg doing a horrible job at flirting with her. He hated the way she laughed at his jokes, he hated the way the dress looked absolutely breath taking on her, he hated her smile but he mostly hated the way it made him feel as she stood there talking to Lestrade. He shook his head making his way out the door he knew nobody would care if he stepped outside. He wrapped his trench coat around him tightly as he walked outside in the cold taking the cigarette box out of his pocket, taking the cigarette out and lighting it letting the nicotine hit his throat trying to drown out the sound of her laugh in his head. He was genius and he never understood why he constantly thought of the things that irritated him about her. He turned his head as he heard the door open and close. There she stood.

“You think I can have one of those?” She asked moving her way towards him. She didn’t even bother putting on her jacket, she couldn’t handle the attention or the flirting from Greg that she just ran out. Sherlock smirks slightly.

“Oh so you’re a smoker now?” Sherlock asked pulling out the pack of cigarettes holding out the carton signaling her to take one. She sighs and rolls her eyes.

“I’m not usually, I just couldn’t handle Greg anymore.” She mumbles grabbing the cigarette from the box bringing the bud between her lips. Sherlock watches her intently through his lashes watching the snow fall on top of her head, the way she shivered lightly from the cold hitting her bare skin.

“You looked like you were enjoying yourself.” He comments bringing up the lighter to her cigarette before lighting it. She inhales the nicotine holding it in her throat before letting the smoke out tilting her head as she does.

“For being the smartest detective you sure got that one wrong.” She laughed taking another puff.

“I’m never wrong.” He grumbles doing the same watching as she continued to shiver. “You’re also an idiot for coming out here without a coat.”

“I thought the cigarette would warm me up. I obviously was wrong.”

Sherlock sighs before taking his coat wrapping it around her shoulders. “You’re always wrong.” She warms up from the coat grateful for the heat covering her whole body.

“Not everyone can be as smart as Sherlock Holmes.” She states the first time she’s actually made a genuine compliment towards him. He smirks lightly tapping the ashes off his cigarette.

“So you do think I’m smart?” He asks turning his body towards her a smirk planted on his face amused at the sudden compliment.

“Oh shut up. You know you’re smart. You get told by everyone.” She says rolling her eyes.

“Yes…” he takes a deep breath. “But it’s more special coming from you.” He mumbles the last part quietly but she hears it. Her heart flattering somehow. She clears her throat before throwing the cigarette on the floor stepping on it to put it out.

“Well. Thank you for the coat and the cigarette.” She mumbles taking off the coat and handing it back to him. He smiles softly taking the coat out of her hand their hands slightly grazing. Y/n breath hitches at the contact, getting flustered she quickly turns her head before rushing back inside. Sherlock’s eyes following her as goes back in. Maybe he did understand why he hated her so much…

Sherlock made his way out of the kitchen after everyone left to avoid all the hugs and byes from everyone. That’s when he saw Y/n picking up trash and cleaning up from the party.

“Where’s John?” Sherlock’s asks watching her every move. She looks up at him.

“Taking that new girlfriend of his home.” She says with a slight shrug. Her eyes look into his softening, as his gaze was piercing back into hers. She clears her throat looking away from his gaze. Sherlock walks over to her grabbing the trash from her hands once again their hands accidentally touching. She freezes and so does he. He doesn’t let go of the contact and she doesn’t seem to as well. They gaze at their hands touching. Y/n doesn’t know what to feel, she hated Sherlock Holmes, she hated the way that he was always right, she hated everything about him- but did she? Sherlock gently grabs her hand the trash dropping down on the floor.

“You know, I’ve always wondered how you were able to work as a cop with these tiny hands.” He mumbled softly examining her small hands. “You look like you couldn’t hurt a fly but yet you could do more than hurt a fly.” His eyes moves from her hand back into her eyes. She looks back at those piercing blue eyes, the blush visible on her face.

“Why do you do that?” She breathed out her hand never pulling out of his. He cocks his head to the side his eyes full of curiosity.

“Do what?” He whispers gently his hands interlocking with hers.

“Make it incredibly difficult to continue to hate you right now.” She whispers back her eyes flickering between his eyes trying to see if this was indeed real.

“Because you don’t hate me.” His hands move to her wrist a small smile on his face. “You ever think that you don’t actually hate me but instead confuse that hatefulness for something else?”

“I hate you Sherlock Holmes.” She mumbles her voice wavering slightly not quite believing her own words.

“You hate me huh?” He smirks slightly. “Then tell me why your eyes are dilated… tell me why your heart rate is increasing by just me touching you right now?” He brings her wrist to his lips placing a delicate kiss on the wrist. “I thought I hated you too but realized I too was mistaking it for something else.”

She couldn’t breathe. Her head was spinning from what was happening. Maybe she didn’t hate him, maybe he was right. Her mouth felt dry from leaving her mouth slightly open from the scene unfolding in front of her.

“What is that something else?” She asks not realizing she moved herself closer to him.

“That’s for me to know.” He smirks noticing a piece of hair falling in front of her face. He gently tucks the piece of hair behind her ear his eyes never leaving hers once again. It was like her eyes were drugs and he was addicted to it. He moved his hand onto her cheek feeling the warmth of her blush under his hand. Her heart was beating as his hand laid innocently on her cheek and she couldn’t help but blush at the contact. She flicked her eyes down to his beautiful plumped lips. Sherlock moved his face closer to hers noticing the way she was looking at him, knowing it was a confirmation. He cups both of her cheeks smashing his lips against hers. Her hands automatically making their way up his hair as she stood on her tiptoes.

The kiss was deep and passionate. She didn’t want to pull back as much as he didn’t want too. Sherlock moved his hand and grab the back of her head, turning his head to get more access of her mouth pushing her head towards him more so he could explore her mouth. She let out a tiny moan which lit something up in Sherlock Holmes. He pulls back slightly from the deep kiss before grabbing her thighs and making her wrap her legs around his waist which she does flawlessly.

“I’m supposed to hate you Sherlock Holmes.” She groans as his lips make contact against her neck moving her back against the wall. Y/n was surprised how well he knew all the weak points and how well he was able to execute this. He pulls back from her neck a well knowing smirk playing on his lips.

“You won’t hate me after I’m done.”

Her stomach felt like a punches of knifes stabbing her from the inside. Which a lot of people say would butterflies but she hated that word. She also felt another thing she has never felt with Sherlock around. The arousal that grew in between her legs. She brings her lips close to his ear before whispering.

“Then make me not hate you.”

Sherlock head was spinning at the way she instantly changed from shy to seductive and he absolutely loved it. She bit her lower lip watching the way he was staring at her. A face she’s never seen Sherlock wear. Full of admiration. His hand makes his way towards the back of her head bringing her mouth to kiss once again but this time passionate and sweet. She lightly nibbles the bottom of his lip a groan escaping his mouth. He grips onto her thighs, her dress hitching up and he couldn’t help but move his hand up to make it hitch up more. Her breathing becomes uneven by just the way he simply touches her with his soft touch. His hand makes its way towards the back of her dress slowly unzipping the garment off. The dress falls slightly her bra exposing to him. He takes her off against the wall holding onto her tightly as he makes his way towards the couch and placing her back against the soft cushion his body hovering above hers. He pulls back from the kiss taking off her dress with a slight hesitation to make sure if she wanted to say no she could. Instead she continues to look at him with her bright eyes and flushed cheeks.

“You could say no anytime, ok?” He whispers gently his fingers tracing up and down her arm as he looked down at her bra and underwear.

“I don’t want to say no.” She breaths out. Usually she would feel insecure about the way she felt about her body but the way he looked at her it didn’t matter anymore. She felt safe around him. Even when he was being a dick she knew she could always trust and be safe next to Sherlock Holmes. He smirks slightly his hand moving from her arm down to her lower stomach playing with the top of her panties.

“Good. Cause I really don’t want to stop.” He smirks before slowly taking off the underwear his eyes never leaving hers. She hitches her breath as he takes off the panties and his mouth immediately attaching to her core. She gasps as he feels his tongue flicking her clit with such possession. She rolls her eyes back her head tilting backwards her hands going to his curls and tugging on them lightly. She feels his smirk against her his hands gripping onto her thighs to spread her open some more. She gasped even louder feeling his tongue dart around inside of her, her back arching to feel more of him.

“Oh god Sherlock.” She breaths out gripping onto his hair tighter. Sherlock groans at the tug which sent vibrations down onto her core. She whines at the sudden sensation. She felt herself getting closer to her edge and Sherlock could sense it because he immediately pulled his face back.

“No dear. I only want you to cum while inside of you.”He says licking his lips loving the sweet taste of her. “Now I think I’m wearing too much clothes. Do you think you could help me out.” He smirks his body hovering over her once again she blushes before nodding slowly. She brings her hands up to his button up before slowly undoing every button while making eye contact with him the entire time. Her eyes widen seeing the toned body of his. Yes he was skinny she always knew that but she never knew he was this… toned. She was about to take off the button up before he grabs her wrist and stops her. “Keep it on. I know you like the sight of this instead.” He kisses her wrist before he moves her hand down to his trousers. She wanted to moan at just the way his deep silky voice was talking to her. The way he was controlling everything she was doing. She unbuttons his pants sliding them down to his legs until she couldn’t anymore. Sherlock kicks off the trousers, her eyes darting towards his bulge that was desperately waiting to fling out. He sits himself up before taking off his underwear himself throwing it to the side.

She blushed at the sight of him basically fully naked. Except for the purple button up that stayed on his arms but showed his exposed chest. He moves his hand on her cheek his body hovering over hers. He places a small kiss on her lips.

“I can stop right now. Is this okay still?” He asks his eyes searching hers to figure out if she was still okay with it.

“I’m okay. This is okay.” She smiles softly. He grins before positioning himself and entering her. She gasped loudly covering her mouth as she does so. Sherlock groans his hand moving to the back of the couch above her head as he slowly pushes himself in feeling the tightness of her and the wet warmth feeling surrounding him.

“Fuck oh my god.” He grunts out he pauses waiting for her to adjust to him. She looks at him and nods signaling she was ready. He moves his dick deeper inside of her, her moaning softly as he does. He was loving the sounds she was making, he was hopeful he would be the only one to listen to them from now on. He feels her starting to adjust faster. He smirks gripping onto her thighs before moving his hips against her a little faster. She wraps her legs around his waist feeling him deeper inside of her. Sherlock grabs the back of her hair moving her head and capturing her lips into a deep passionate kiss. She moans against his lips as he continues to a good pace. “Fuck I love you.” He mumbles into her mouth. Her eyes widen at the confession, her heart fluttering against her chest. Fuck. That shouldn’t have turned her on just as much as what he was doing.

“Faster Sherlock.” She gasped out her hands moving to his back her nails gripping onto his shoulder blades. Sherlock grunts pulling his body back gripping onto her hips before moving her body up and down watching the way her breast bounced from the way his pace went faster. She moaned loudly tilting her head back and arching her back to get more of him somehow.

The sound of skin slapping made Sherlock go faster gripping harder onto her hips as he felt himself so so close to the edge. Y/n was moaning out profanities and moaning his name over and over again. Which made Sherlock’s heart burst. He watched as her breasts bounced, his dick going in and out of her, the sweat beads on her forehead, and her voice moaning out his name. She looked so beautiful in this perfect moment he thought. He felt himself about to explode and he felt her starting to tighten around his length.

“I-I’m gonna cum.” Y/n whimpers.

“I know, cum my love.” He grunts out his pace becoming sloppy as he was close to his high. He felt her clutch around him.

“Fuck! I love you Sherlock.” She moans out as she reached her high. Sherlock stomach fluttered instantly pulling out of her before reaching his orgasm and his cum on her stomach. Y/n breathing was uneven as she looked at Sherlock her cheeks flushed realizing what she just said. Sherlock smiles softly standing up from the couch wanting to chuckle at the confused look on her face.

“I’m getting a rag to clean you up love.” Sherlock chuckles softly grabbing a rag from the bathroom putting some warm water on it. He made his way back pausing as he looked at her. She looked like she should be at a museum, her breathing uneven, her hair sticking out everywhere but her face was flushed and beautiful, her body was another story even with clothes on it was definitely art he thought. He made his way over before cleaning up his mess on her stomach. She watched as he did so a small smile on her face.

“Thanks.” She whispers softly. He looks up at her the hair on his forehead stuck with the sweat. He throws the rag off to the side his focus back at her.

“So. Did I change your mind?” He smirks softly grabbing a blanket placing it on top of her before scooting himself behind her to spoon her on the couch. Y/n blushes turning her head away from him.

“Maybe?” She teases. He grabs her chin with finger and thumb making her look at him.

“You’re going to make a consulting detective reconsider that he was wrong about love being a defect?” He asked his gaze never leaving hers. A small smile shines on her lips.

“I wouldn’t mind that actually.” She jokes. He chuckles deeply wrapping an arm around her waist as she turns her body to face him.

“Well, I was an idiot and a jerk to you. Ever since I saw you I thought the feeling was hatred and annoyance. Even though you still annoy me but I kind of find it endearing now. The reason why you drive me crazy is because I’ve never felt this was about someone and it drives me insane. I’ve literally fallen in love with you and that makes me pathetic.” He smiles softly. He just fell in love with her, but made it his Sherlock way.

“I love you too Sherlock Holmes.” She giggles as he smiled brightly before placing a soft kiss on his lips. The door opens and both of them whipping their heads to see John frozen in the door way.

“Really you couldn’t do this maybe in the bedroom!” John says rubbing his face with his hands.

“I like to do my experimenting in the living room.” Sherlock says with a smirk written on his face.

“Oh hush! Oh god when did this even happen. Bloody hell I thought you hated each other. Why does this happen to me!” John groans making his way into his bedroom. Y/n and Sherlock look at each other before bursting out laughing.

“He’s not doing to be able to handle us anymore.” Y/n giggles. Sherlock grins.

“How many times I’ve heard him with other girls in his room. This is just payback now.”

[scotianostra]

Happy Birthday Percy James Patrick, AKA Scottish actor, Sylvester McCoy who was born 20th August 1943, in Dunoon.

His father was killed in the Second World War a couple of months before he was born, and he was brought up by his mother, his grandmother and aunts.

He attended St. Mun’s, primary School in the town and as Percy Smith he trained as a priest, joining Blair’s College, a seminary in Aberdeen, for boys between the ages of twelve and sixteen he then gave it up and applied to become a Monk! This was rejected, as he was too young, so Percy returned to Dunoon and finished his education at Dunoon Grammar School.

On leaving school he took a holiday to the bright lights of London and ended up staying, taking a number of jobs, he sold insurance, acted as a bodyguard for the Rolling Stones, then gained a job selling tickets and keeping the books in a theatre box office. Eventually, he joined the Ken Campbell Roadshow. Along with Bob Hoskins, Jane Wood, and Dave Hill, McCoy started performing a range of sketches with the umbrella theme of “modern myths.”

McCoy found himself for a while in a double-act with Hoskins before Hoskins left to pursue his film career. When working with Ken Campbell in an improvised a circus-based act about a fictitious stuntman called Sylvester McCoy he thought it would be amusing if the program stated that this character was played by “Sylvester McCoy”. While at the Royal Court Theatre, one of the critics missed the joke and assumed that Sylvester McCoy was a real person. McCoy liked the irony of this and adopted the name of his stage identity

His big break came when McCoy was starring at the National Theatre in “The Pied Piper”, a musical play written especially for him, when he learned that the BBC was looking for a new lead actor to replace Colin Baker in “Doctor Who”. He later won the role as the seventh Doctor and the first Scottish one!

Following “Doctor Who,” McCoy continues to work extensively in theatre, films, radio, opera, and on television.He sees himself as an all round entertainer, his talents include,playing the xylophone and the spoons. He can also juggle and once gained a reputation for stuffing live ferrets down his trousers.

McCoy was considered for the role of Bilbo Baggins in The Lord of the Rings Trilogy and must have made a lasting impression on the filmmakers as they were later to cast him as Radagast the Brown in The Hobbit films.

Now in his 80's Sylvester has no less than seven projects on the go just now, he was last on our screens this year in Father Brown ,but has also appeared in 10 episodes on a podcast series calle Doctor Who: The Seventh Doctor Adventures.

I love Sylvesters quirky outfits, and absolutely love the first three pics, the first in his hometown Dunoon, then in front of a police box in Glasgow, the third is a wee Sylvester.

[f1oricide]

We all have cravings

Yan! Mikey x reader

This is kinda like a part two for the Yan Mikey hc I made. Also just know this is strictly fiction, I do NOT support this Irl if you do please seek help. This is my contribution to horrortober ig. I did not proof read this at all so I hope u enjoy my brain rot.

Tw: build up, poor writing, blood, kidnapping, yandere themes, cannibalistic themes, anxiety, panic attacks, nonconsensual touching (nonsexual), overall bad time for y/n

I hate my job. Customer service is bitch in a half, I swear to god customer service employees are doing gods work. I can’t even wipe tables in piece without some lady yelling at me about how her frappe has too much ice like it’s a global issue. What’s worse is how I spend 8 hours of my life for this, I need a better job.

Walking down the slightly empty streets of New York, my body aching for my beloved bed. I look at the shops as I walk by, absorbing all the trinkets and doodads inside. One place though, stopped me in my tracks, a quaint little bakery near by an alleyway. the inside had a golden glow to it, it was almost unreal, beautiful, and the smell was amazing.

so as any normal young adult would do, I walk in, not knowing what I want to buy. I instantly feel regret setting inside my stomach, why did I walk in? Oh god I can’t just leave without buying anything, maybe they didn’t noticed I walked in? Looking around right as that thought sped through my mind, I made eye contact with the baker, they greeted me, but god of course they saw me.

Well due to social obligation, I HAVE to buy something. Panic started to rise as I still have no idea what to buy, knowing the baker isn’t even rushing me, the panic is still there. Just as I thought all hope was lost, I felt another pair of eyes on me. Turning I see a man in a trench coat and fedora, staring at me through the glass like I’m one of the wonders of the world. Weirdo. We make eye context for a second before he snaps out of it, and stumbles inside.

Thank god, an out I thought as the man walked closer to the counter. “You can order first if you’d like, Im still deciding.” We made eye contact again, despite the added difficulty the fedora he was wearing made. “Wow, thanks stranger! You know this place has some delicious raspberry sweet rolls! I totally recommend them if you haven’t tried any!” Sweet rolls? As a recommendation? This dude just keeps getting weirder and weirder, but considering I don’t know what else to get, I might as well try it, what’s the harm? “Hmm that does sound tempting, maybe I will” making sure to add a smile after, the man seems to beam at my remark. “Trust me, they are AMAZING especially with some chamomile tea and vanilla scones”

Pfft- What are you? A rich old white British lady? “Pfft hahahah! Good one, it really does sound like I am huh?” He continues to laugh even harder as the “joke” sets in as I stare in shock and horror. Did I really just say that out loud? “My names Mikey, what’s yours stranger?” He says while wiping a tear from his eye. “Oh uhm- y/n” were doing introductions now I guess. “Well y/n it’s nice to meet you” holding his hand out, I didn’t fail to notice the green skin and the three fingers outstretched towards me.

Oh my god, what the hell?! An excuse, think of an excuse. “We should probably order, don’t wanna hold up the line” good one me. He looks behind us and I follow suit; low and behold, no one else of course. He chuckles before turning back to me and says, “I guess you have a point”. Retracting his hand he turns to the cashier and places his order. The cashier told him that he’s gonna have to wait for 20 minutes for it to be ready, Mikey nods and turns to me before asking the cashier for those raspberry sweet rolls. Oh god-

“Oh can you make those separate?” I sputter before Mikey quickly answers, “I insist, I don’t want you to waste your money if you don’t like it!” Convincing argument plus free food? You win this round “Mikey”.

After paying Mikey and I go to sit down at a nearby booth. Maybe I have him pegged wrong my mind started rationalizing. Maybe it’s a medical condition? We sat for a good minute in silence as I’m overthinking per usual. “So, what do plan to do with a whole loaf of zope bread?” I say to avoid the loud thoughts buzzing through my head. “Oh! Well I was planning on making it myself but I might as well try this places zone, I’m planning on pairing it with some-“ before he can continue, the cashier called out the raspberry sweet rolls to catch out attention.

I got the rolls and walked back to the booth. “Well, here’s my order”

…

“So…see ya…”

Before I could even take a step though, Mikey shot up “whaaat?! B-but you didn’t even try it! I want to see if you like it or not!” He stared at me with pleading eyes, like a dog begging it’s human for a treat. Why is he so invested in this? “I didn’t think you’d want to know my feedback..” “well duhhh, I recommend it to you, I just have to know i hit the nail on the head!” Oh… well whatever it takes to leave faster. I grabbed a roll and popped it in my mouth, it was EXPLODING with flavor. I think Mikey could tell with the knowing smirk that spread across his face.

After that we started talking more in the restaurant, I got to know him more. Apparently he has three more brothers, when he made me guess which one he was, it wasn’t hard to tell he’s the youngest. Eventually his order was done, disappointment sent in me because, well, this was actually a pleasant interaction with a not so total stranger. Acquaintance if you will. By the time his order was ready, I already ate all the rolls, so I guess this is it.

“It was nice meeting you, I didn’t really plan staying out this late.” I said as we walked out, the sky nearly dark. “It was reallyyy nice meeting you too, you know…” he stated reaching in his pocket. “If you need any more expert cooking advice, give me a call!”

.

.

.

That should’ve been it, but noooo, I just HAD to call back, we just HAD to get to know each other more, he just HAD to show me his “secret” identity…I just HAD to fall in love…no..for his tricks

It all started with food, a fucking roll no less. He fed me and like a wild animal I kept coming back. I ignored all the red flags, all my friends concerns, not noticing how they quickly left my life after venting to Mikey about them. I kept coming back for more like a dumb dumb animal.

But now here I am, a small closet with one twin bed and barren walls, no fan or vent. What did I do to deserve this? What avengers level threat did I cause to end up here? There’s barely anything to do besides relive old mistakes and sweat. Dare I say it, I even miss my job and being a useful member of society.

The door finally opened the reveal the devil himself, Mikey. But somethings off…I’ve been here long enough to read Mikey’s face like a book. He looks nervous, like he wants something nervous… fear started to creep within me, what did he want now?

Usually he brings stuff in like crafts or food and water, but this time, it’s just him. Closing the door behind him, he speaks. “Hi my Angel…” a grimace grew on my face. That nickname used to make me swoon, but now it makes me want to throw up. “I have a very important question to ask you”

This was the question that ruined my life…and I thought it couldn’t get any worse… he wanted me…ME. To… just the thought is making me gag- EAT HIM. LITERALLY. The thoughts in my head started swarming me, his justifications and explanations fall on deaf ears as the room swirls around me. He gently grabs my forearms snapping me back, since when did I start crying? I can’t even breath right, I feel like I’m drowning.

“Listen, I know it sounds really really REALLY crazy, but I need you to trust me… you’ll be okay. This will be good for us! We’ll be together all the time isn’t that great?” No, it’s not great, far from it actually. “I won’t force you to do it now of course, take your time, I’ll wait, I’ll always wait for you”

Ever since then, no matter how much I stalled, it was only putting off the inevitable. No matter what I did, it never swayed him. Actually, it did, but not how I would’ve wanted. He started giving me less and less to eat. It started off small with a few less portions, but I never noticed the twitch in his smile whenever I put down his encouragement to chomp on his arm. He started giving less portions and no breakfast anymore, id be lucky if he gave me dinner.

Im hungry, starving even. It hurts, it hurts so so much. He would always come in more often, lifting his arm and encouraging me to bite. “Come on, you can do it baby”. It pisses me off. How dare you kidnap me after I gave you my trust. How dare you put me in a cramped tiny room, having to solely rely on you for everything. HOW DARE YOU force me to break EVERYTHING I thought was RIGHT all while you look at me and TELL ME YOU LOVE ME.

.

.

.

I hate you. I failed to notice hot tears running down my face. I hate you. I also failed to notice how hard I shook, how my teeth grinding against each other until it hurt. FUCKING I HATE YOU

Red, it’s all I can see. I used laughing when any character in media say they saw red, can you blame me? It sounds so…dumb, but I get it now. I understand, how ironic. Apparently, I could..taste red too…

Snapping back to reality a brick of drowsiness crashes down onto me, I must’ve had some high adrenaline because my jaw started hurting like a bitch. Liquid runs down my jaw, it’s warm..fresh. Why do I feel something on my tongue-

Shock slaps me in the face, my eyes go as wide as saucers, what have I done?? Looking up at Mikey I see the sheer amount of euphoria in his face, his eyes holding so much love, it might spill out. I need this thing out of me, I need HIM out. I gag trying to spit it out but he quickly puts his hand on my mouth. “you can do it, swallow quickly, it’ll all be over, your doing amazing” I don’t even think before swallow the lump down. The worst part about this whole experience was feeling the lump of meat slide down my throat and plop into my stomach. My mouth instantly starts salivating, and I’m forced to question if it’s because of the hunger still in me or the sheer amount of disgust and horror in me trying to throw it up while Mikey whispers sweet nothings in my ear.

Everything is too much. The air is too hot, too heavy, too wet. It feels horrible on my skin. It’s too noisy, to crowded, too much. Mikey only hugs me tight to his chest, his arm still bleeding , all while I lean in considering how it’s the only comfort I’ll get out of this hell hole. “I knew you’d trust me…I love you.. so so sooo much. I’ll never leave your side. We’re bound together as one, isn’t that great?”

All I could do was sob violently, slowly passing out, everything slowly fading to black.

[hlficlibrary]

HL Fic Library 🤣 Fics With Humor

Remember to leave kudos and a comment on the fics you enjoyed to show your appreciation! You can find the library's other recs here.

🤣 Just Me, You, And This Box of Matches by tomlinsunshine @tornlinsunshine​ (M, 87k)

Louis is fairly sure that his new neighbour is going to destroy him. And also their apartment building, and the dumpsters outside, and all the forests within a thirty mile radius. But. Mostly him.

🤣 Harry Styles Cooks… by sunsetmog / @magicalrocketships​ (E, 61k+, wip)

In which Louis Tomlinson can’t cook, there’s a very special shower curtain, and Harry Styles used to be a baker.

Or: Louis owns all of Harry Styles’ cookbooks, and he never intends to cook a single thing out of any of them.

🤣 Frankincense-ational by LadyLondonderry / @londonfoginacup (T, 31k)

Harry Styles works at the Hillsyde Library with his friend Zayn and best mate Niall. It’s December, which means Christmas, which should be the happiest month of the year…

Except Niall just broke up with his boyfriend, Zayn needs to let up on the rules a little, and the library is getting their fire alarm system replaced, which means that for the next few weeks there are going to be firemen patrolling the library ‘looking for fires’ while the system is down.

Harry almost hits one of them with his car right off the bat - and of course he’s the hot one.

🤣 the butthole series by @kingsofeverything (E, 24k)

a series of standalone fics with a central theme

🤣 That's How I Know by @allwaswell16 (E, 19k)

Louis Tomlinson has just landed his dream job, coaching soccer at Augustus University. When he moves into a new house near campus, he meets his very fit new neighbor, English professor Harry Styles. Although their first meeting leads to an instant mutual dislike, the more Harry gets to know Louis, the more he likes what he sees.

Or the one where Harry’s African grey parrot spills his dirty secrets to his very hot neighbor.

🤣 Man, Deconstructed by jacaranda_bloom / @jacaranda-bloom (E, 13k)

Harry doesn’t need help getting laid and he certainly doesn’t need Niall to hire a professional to ‘sort him out’.

But when a gorgeous man turns up on his doorstep on his birthday to ‘lay some pipe’ in the back garden (who just happens to have the best arse Harry’s ever seen), his world is upended.

OR the one where a well-meaning best mate, a sculpture-worthy arse, and a heaping dose of misunderstanding combine to create sheer and utter chaos, and also, maybe, the best thing Harry’s ever found.

🤣 One Vote Can Rock the Boat by @2tiedships2 (M, 12k)

“Niall, I need you to come and vote with me tomorrow.”

“Lou, I know we’ve only been friends for about two years now, but I guess I’ve never explicitly told you I’m Irish?”

“You don’t have to vote, exactly,” Louis explained. “But I don’t want to go to a sex toy shop by myself.”

“Have I just entered an alternate universe? In what world does voting for the government correlate in any way to sex toys?”

Or the one where Omega Louis shows off his “I voted” sticker as one of the first 100 customers to get a free vibrator. The beautiful alpha behind the counter informs him that he’s customer 101.

🤣 autopilot by silkbombs (M, 11k)

Louis accidentally sends an unknown number a video of him giving a cockroach a funeral. The weirdest love story ensues.

🤣 Umbrielievable by nikogda / @cyphermedley (NR, 11k)

Three months ago they began to pick up a weak signal. They couldn’t decipher it and figured it was just a satellite they were picking up. Eventually, they were able to translate "Give us cheese" but the rest was still a mess. That message baffled them, and they immediately thought it may be a joke from another country.

Or, The one where Harry is an Alien from Uranus' moon, Umbriel whose inhabitants require cheese to survive.

🤣 Just Your Jinx by @larryatendoftheday (T, 10k)

Harry Styles may or may not have accidentally jinxed his extremely fit new neighbor, and it's not so easy to make things right.

🤣 For a day by bluegreenish / @greenblueish (T, 9k)

“While I appreciate that compliment - you’re right -, it’s not a prank. I swear. I tried calling Harry and Liam, but they aren’t picking up. And like, I don’t know what to do? I just woke up in Liam’s freaking body, and like, he’s a nice lad and everything, but I don’t want to be him?!”

Once again, tense silence fills the line for a second and Louis almost expects Zayn to hang up on him, but his friend speaks up again, voice urgent this time. 

“You’re serious?”

“One hundred percent. I swear.”

or, the one where Harry wakes up in Louis' body, Louis in Liam's, Liam in Niall's, Niall in Harry's and no one picked Zayn.

🤣 Only Been Here One Time by alienharry (NR, 9k)

“Good morning, Liam. Harry.” Louis nods at them both and then cocks his head. “Are you aware you have four nipples, Harry?”

Harry looks down at his chest, suddenly worried. He doesn’t know how many nipples humans have, but four must not be a usual amount. “Should I have six?”

“Not unless you’ve a litter of kittens to feed.”

The Alien!Harry fic I was destined to write 

🤣 Ain’t My Fault by @afirethatcannotdie (E, 7k)

“Liam, M4M is for sex! You posted in a sex forum about your missing jacket.”

“It is not for sex!”

“It is. Trust me.”

“Well, if it helps me find my jacket then I don’t really see why it matters. Besides, someone already texted me about it. This Styles guy’s coming over in a bit to get it.”

“You invited the avocado man to come get his jacket at our flat after posting on a sex forum. Do you see where this is going?”

“I really don’t.” 

“Someone is going to have to have sex with the avocado man!” Louis screeches, and Liam covers his ears.

AU. Liam posts an ad on the wrong section of Craigslist, Louis is pretty sure they’re gonna get murdered as a result, and Harry’s missing an avocado.

🤣 Porn To Be Wild by @fallinglikethis (E, 5k)

As Louis Tomlinson writes his One Direction fanfiction in a quiet, isolated corner of the local library, the last thing he expects is for the subject of his story to interrupt him in the middle of a sex scene. But that’s exactly what happens.

🤣 Absolute Beginners by @taggiecb (T, 5k)

Louis would like to think that Niall can't surprise him anymore. He never knows what his friend will come up with sometimes. But when he calls Louis in the middle of the night and asks him to come and hit on his friend, Louis can't help but let curiosity get the best of him.

🤣 Only Reason by @letsjustsee (NR, 5k)

“We are so lucky to have with us one of the leading experts on beekeeping in the modern age, Dr. Louis Draper.”No. No, no, no… “I know I speak for many of us when I say that this man’s books have guided our practice, or helped us get started,” Harry continued, and Louis watched as the crowd nodded their heads in agreement. Oh shit. No. What? No. But then Harry was gesturing towards him, saying “Dr. Draper?” into the microphone, the crowd was applauding, and Louis found himself walking up the stairs to the stage.

Or, Louis is most definitely smitten with Harry from the second he sees him, but he is also most definitely not the world's foremost expert on beekeeping. He decides to roll with it anyway.

🤣 Catastrophe (Or Not) by grapenight (G, 5k)

Based on the prompt: "Harry's a crazy cat person and Louis is the vet he keeps bringing his cats to with minor concerns like "she's been acting weird lately" and "he didn't poop today so I'm worried" but it's really just excuses to keep seeing Louis everyday"

🤣 Anywhere With You by sweetums / @darlou (T, 3k)

“Do you want some gum?” Louis’ lovely voice interrupts his train of thoughts.

“No, thank you.” Harry responds quickly.

What? ‘No, thank you’? What was he thinking? If Louis Tomlinson offers you gum, you take it. If Louis Tomlinson offers you a vial of vomit, you take it.

“On second thought, gum would be perfection.” Harry actually considers just dying right there as he reaches over to pry the piece of gum out of Louis’ perfect little hand, eyes flitting over to the other man’s amused face.

Why did he say that? He could’ve said, ‘I’ll have some gum’ or ‘gum would be great’ or even a simple ‘thanks’ but no, no, for Harry, ‘gum would be perfection’.

He loathes himself.

AU where Harry gets stuck in an ATM vestibule with Louis Tomlinson during a blackout. Inspired by Chandler and Jill Goodacre from Friends.

🤣 Oh Honey, Honey by @lululawrence (NR, 3k)

Louis hated honey. He didn’t like the flavour, he didn’t understand why some liked it in their tea, he hated when it was put on sandwiches or cake or anything really. But, standing stock still in front of a rather large display of honey in that 24-hour Tesco, Louis found himself grabbing the largest jar of “100% pure London-local honey” and adding it to his trolley, simply because he knew it would make Harry smile.

Louis always wanted to make Harry smile.

Or the one where Louis pines after Harry, Harry is passionate about helping save the bees, and a late night shopping trip gone wrong doesn't end quite as horribly as Louis imagines.

🤣 On the Go by @phdmama (T, 2k)

Prompt: ok so i saw a truck today and i thought it said MANSCAPE but it actually said MAINSCAPE and it was a landscaping company. but then i thought LARRY AU. where louis owns a landscaping company called MANSCAPE and harry thinks it’s some sort of in-home pubic hair grooming company, so he calls to make an appointment, there’s some discussion of whether he wants his bushes trimmed as well, and then when it’s time for the appointment, harry’s like half-naked waiting around in a robe or something and louis shows up with lawnmowers. 

🤣 Zoey by wabadabadaba / @bigxrig (G, 2k)

Harry knew his first name, but he liked the way Dr. Tomlinson sounded more. Harry watched as Louis unclasped her harness and set it aside and pet her back and under her chin. Louis kissed the top of her head and murmured sweet nothings to her- mostly about how pretty she is and how well behaved she is. Harry wished it was him.

or Harry has a huge crush on his cat's veterinarian and finally decides to do something about it.

🤣 Stole My Heart by @haztobegood (NR, 2k)

“Oh my god, Niall.” The door slams shut as Harry rushes into the flat. He’s still panting from his rush to get away from the scene of his crime. “You won’t believe what just happened!”

Niall is sitting on the couch in their tiny living room. He looks up from his laptop. “What happened?”

“The worst thing. I’ll never recover. I just reached into a box of free samples outside that new chicken restaurant. Only it wasn’t free samples. It was a man. Holding a box of chicken nuggets. His chicken nuggets. I stole this man’s food, Niall!”

[bendycxmet]

Jealous—Vash the Stampede

Summary: Jealousy goes both ways.

Word Count: ~1.3k

Pairing: gn!reader x Vash the Stampede

Content: jealousy, tension, teasing, flirting, alcohol, drinking, Jealous Vash, Jealous Reader, maybe a lil toxic but this is for fun, suggestive at the end

Both you and Vash were barhopping for the night. For fun? You wish. You were “on the job” as you liked to call it–looking and prodding drunken town goers for clues about a regional criminal causing havoc, enough trouble to make the locals forget their usual paranoia about a certain Humanoid Typhoon. Their tipsy personas were enough for you two to coax out any gossip that has been floating around the tiny cliffside town, the interviewees temporarily forgoing their constant state of anxiety to let slip some clues with the help of the liquid courage pouring from the barkeeper’s shelves. 

“Two shots of your most valuable whiskey, sir. Been a long night.” Of absolutely nothing. You drop your head into your hands, palms digging into your eye sockets. What you would give to just plop down in the motel bed, snuggling into Vash’s chest for the night. You peep through your fingers at him, sitting pretty in the corner with the flirty town baker. A sharp pang shoots through your chest. Well at least someone seems to be having fun. 

The baker starts cackling at something Vash had joked about, slapping his shoulder to show her appreciation for the banter. Vash looks in your direction, almost feeling your envious gaze, smiling softly and winking as if to say “hang in there.”

“Two whiskeys.” The loud clank of the glasses hitting the dingy wood brings your focus back to the man in front of you. 

You let out a low whistle, appreciating the tiny shot glasses in front of you. “Right on time, barkeep. Have a blessed night.” You throw a couple of double dollars down for the man to grab, downing one shot, your hand going for the second one, ready to get your investigation going again when you see a hand cover the glass. 

“Seen you floating around here tonight. Don’t seem to be having the best time, though. Mind if I change that?” comes a smooth voice. You glance up to see a charming man, recognizing him from earlier in the day at the general store. You couldn’t forget how he had looked at you, completely ignoring Vash as you paid for your transaction, his eyes roaming your face gracefully, focusing on your lips whenever you spoke. Vash had simply huffed and moved closer to you. 

The same hazel eyes were on you now, sparkling this time with what you have no doubt is the liquor flowing through him. Now, any other time you would have immediately shrugged off the advances of a drunk with the mindless excuse of being here with Vash; yet, now that said man was having his own fun, you decide to try your hand. Besides, the general store employee was easy on the eyes. You lay your hand over his own, making sure it was in Vash’s line of sight before responding. 

“Been tough to. You know how it is, especially with the threat of that criminal on the loose in the next town over.”

He chuckles. “Let me put your worries to ease, darling. Saw him earlier today and can confirm he’s just another hotshot who runs his mouth. Get a bunch of those through my store. Nothing ever comes out of it.” He takes your hand in his and brings it up to his mouth to place a gentle kiss on the knuckles. “He’s been drinking my store dry in that hotel at the edge of town anyways.”

You pretend to look down your shoulder at your remaining shot, playing smitten. You peek at Vash from the corner of your eye, noticing the deep frown on his face as the chatty baker recants some boring story probably, not seeing that his focus is now on you. 

“Isn’t that the perv from the general store?! Why is he in your personal space??” Vash thinks, stopping himself for a second. He’s had a couple drinks, so he may be a little irrational at the moment. “Get yourself together, you hypocrite. You have a girl that isn’t Mayfly grabbing your arm right now, so they can do whatever they want. This is just detective work-” Vash jolts straight out of his chair, his rational thoughts coming to an end when he sees that pervert kiss your hand.

He could let slide the flirty way he interacted with you earlier at the store. Sure, it’s understandable. His Mayfly of course would catch the attention of anyone with eyes. They’re an absolute catch. However. Touching the skin that he touches, kissing where he kisses every night, ensuring that you feel the love that he feels for you through his hands worshipping every inch that is you? It’s enough for him to cross the room in several strides with his lean legs. No way is he going to let a random taint what is his. He doesn’t have the privilege to touch the spectacle that is his Mayfly. 

Feeling the vibrations of a certain someone’s boots coming closer to the bar area, you sense that your time of fun has ended. You have what you needed anyway. Quickly, you drink your last shot, hissing at the slow burn making its way into your stomach. You now need it for what’s coming next.

“Thank you. You definitely helped my night get better,” you manage to say, watching the man’s eyebrows screw together in confusion before a red coat effectively cuts you off from him, replacing the man’s hand with his own, holding it in a firm hold.

“Hey! I remember you from earlier! You were pretty quick at the cash register back at the store.”  Now you were given the blessing of Vash’s possessive gaze, heavy with unbridled frustration and desire. “I see you found my Mayfly. Whew, I’ve been looking all over for you, my lovely.”  He turns back to the man, giving him a tight smile before departing, dragging you along with him out into the open night air.

You walk in tense silence, rounding the last corner to your motel when he stops and pulls you into an alcove.

“Was that all really necessary?” he questions, his jaw clenching. He’s pissed.

“You have your ways, I have mine,” you quip, refusing to look at him. He huffs at your response.

“The baker girl? Mayfly, really, I was just trying to find answers. And score us some free donuts in the morning! I didn’t expect her to be so touchy.”

“Well I didn’t know this guy would do what he did-” 

He slams his hand into the wall, making sure it was far enough away from your head, but still caging you in. You hear brick crumble to the floor from the impact. 

“I didn’t like the way he looked at you. Or touched you. I just don’t like the idea of anyone else but me touching you because I don’t know what their intentions are. How am I supposed to protect you in time when they’re so close to you?” he growled out.

Now you feel guilty. Maybe you went a bit too far. 

“Sorry…”

He sighs, placing his gloved hand on your cheek. “No, I’m sorry too. I could have pulled away sooner from the baker. All of that was too much.” You nod, acknowledging his apology. 

His face quickly becomes stern again, his hand dropping to grab yours.

“Let’s head inside, I’m going to replace that pervert’s touch with my own.”

“I didn’t get to tell you that I know where that criminal is!”

“That can wait till morning. I have more important matters to tend to right now.”

You may have bargained for more than you thought tonight.

a/n: i wrote this in one go so kind of word vomit? idk it came to me in a dream so i needed to belt it out. love the idea of vash just being a lil jealous. he deserves to get upset from time to time

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