#bad things happen when youve lost the good

[thepumpkincorsair]

So, I watched the first episode of “Those About To Die” on Peacock.

I enjoyed it, and Im willing to do write ups if folks would be interested…

Since I wana talk about details, and I dont wana spread spoilers, everything is below the readmore.

What I liked: 🔵 And what I disliked: 🟠

Total Ranking: 8/10 - very good, worth the watch 👍

🟠 It dove into the Intrigue right away, which made it hard to watch while doing other things, but I can appreciate a show that grabs you by the shoulders and shoves you down into the couch to pay attention.

🔵 It wasn’t boring, quite the contrary, I felt fully engaged throughout the episode. Theres a lot of small moving parts to the story, and it orchestrates together incredibly well so far, even for Episode One. The writing is very well done, which is a lynchpin for me on a show like this. You cant pretend to be an intrigue type series without a proper plot. And, in my opinion, they’ve set their plots well right away. Tenax getting those shares in Blue was a great con, which had clearly been going a while, but we only saw the tail end of it. I see this little setup as a great look at how the writers DO their work. Connections matter, money does more than talk, and if you play the game wrong, you die. Don’t trust anyone.

🔵 I REALLY enjoyed the historical aspects of the first episode. Like, yes, this plot happened, its a historical fiction and a number of these characters exist in history, but its not just that. Its the small details, the different knives in different cultures, the veterinary care of race horses, the deities from more than just the main roman pantheon, the drinkware, the VARIOUS clothes from various cultures and climates…. And yes, women often went topless when they were a sxwrkr. Gotta advert.

🔵 ON THAT SUBJECT: can we talk about “3 sesterce… and Im tighter than both of them.” MY BOY, YOU ARE RIZZIN TOO HARD AND I LOST IT. Please, please let him be in future episodes. Omfg….

🟠 I am forced to concede the accuracy isnt PERFECT, the horses wore modern driving bridles to go with their ancient styled chariots. However, Im realistic about how many horses are trained today to pull anything without blinders, and how much safer modern bridles are. I’ll also note: I absolutely saw the animal handler grab the horse differently (calmly) before the riot surrounded it, then direct the horse to dance in the crowd. Great training with the horse! Bad camera angle. Lol

🔵 I also really like this cast so far. Everyone fills their roles incredibly well.

Hopkins doesnt even need an introduction, the mans a legend and brings all his experience to the stage with him every time. -chefs kiss-

Rheon was great in GOT, he plays calculatingly unhinged exceptionally well. But I wont lie, seeing him in a more commanding, level headedly calculating person?

Hashim….. HASHIM!!! Im SO excited to see where his character goes. We haven’t seen much of him in Ep 1 just yet, but he’s clearly going to be one of the main players. Im not familiar with him as an actor, but I’ve enjoyed his performance so far, and I REALLY appreciate the story being told.

Martins is also incredible. She does a fantastic job of knowing the danger her characters children are facing, but also knowing she HAS to play her cards right to save them. She personifies the strength and determination of a mother perfectly.

🔵 Quite honestly, I have to give points to that whole plot-line in general. That point of view is something we’ve had hidden from us (in America) for so long, that I think a LOT of people have… become calloused. I hope seeing it will potentially help others come to an empathetic understanding. This isn’t glossing over what happened, or whats likely to happen to any of the three children.

🔵 I also want to gush over actually SHOWING the wider Roman Empire, we get to see the direct effect of their influence in both Africa and Spain so far. Egypt was their bread basket, and without that grain, youve got problems. The Berber Coast has animals, and people they want, and we see money exchanging hands for the purpose of those ends. We see how the locals were told they’d be treated fairly, paid properly, and even eventually become citizens, like the Spaniards, only to have those promises thrown aside as soon as the Romans have better money to make. These people gave the Empire everything it wanted, but the Empire is never satisfied.

We also get to appreciate how far west the empire went when the Spaniards are trying to sell their horses. (Plot-bunny: Andies are dancing horses, exceptionally athletic, and a prime choice for chariots, though, a standardbred is the usual choice for modern cart racers)

🟠 I will say the CGI isnt the best. You can tell exactly when they change from live action to CGI. But this is a minor issue for me tbh. Its passable CGI, and they use it to avoid putting animals or people in danger which, obviously, I appreciate. A chariot wreck was shown, annnnnd it was pretty darn accurate to how messy those would have been. Not good times y’all. Not good times. Also, the ramifications of a major concussion. Oof. At least the guy would have barely knew what was happening? Still.

🔵 The sound effects were enough without being over the top. Often times when theres gore to show, theres all these extra squelching noises and gratuitous blood… not this time. It’s actually… pretty durn accurate. Don’t ask how I know. I don’t wana tell you, and you dont wana know.

Overall, it was a really solid first episode, and I plan on watching the rest.

[yeonjun4beagles]

cj listen..

dom!yj making you sit right in front of him, legs spread as he fingers you n forces u to hold eye contact..im sick to my stomach good lord

warnings: daddy kink, overstimulation, fingering

oh god this is such a yeonjun thing....

the way he'd "punish" you by not giving his cock when thats all youve been asking... having you right in front of him, fingers filling you up, the only thing you can do is beg more for his cock... "do you think youre gonna have this your way? youve been a very bad girl, why should daddy listen to you, hm?"

the way you can absolutely see his stiff cock straining against his pants, why cant he just gives what you want? "eyes up here, baby. daddy's cock is not for you tonight, this is what happens when you dont behave", yeonjun said sternly as he increases his pace, curling his fingers to meet your sweet spot... god you already lost count of how many times you came

"please, daddy, no more, cant take it, please", "what did you say, baby? no more? didnt daddy says that you wont have your way tonight? come on, baby, you can give daddy one more, come on big girl", yeonjun dont even care how his dick is painfully hard in his pants, he just loves seeing his girl crumbles with his fingers.

[thevalleyoftriumph]

hi!! saw your post of DID Chosen (am I allowed to call it that??) and I have been curious ever since, apologies if any of these has been asked before https://www.tumblr.com/thevalleyoftriumph/757624875107090432/so-um-for-those-who-arent-in-the-ava-community?source=share ^ Post I'm referring to just in case What are your characterisations of Chosen, Beast and Killer like? Going off of Killer not recognising Dark in the post, it was Chosen fronting in AVA3 yes? Who was fronting during showdown? Going once again off the post Beast is non-verbal/ mute/ straight up doesn't know how to talk, is that why he resorted immediately to violence upon returning from Alans PC? Assuming that was Beast Was Chosen co-conscious during showdown? Simply watching as someone else used his hands to tear his best friend apart? Or did he come back to find his life destroyed, and best friend killed, with no idea how any of it happened Also, what are Chosen, Killer's and Beasts pronouns? I assume they differ from eachother. And are your Chosen and Dark siblings? Sorry I'm aware this is an insane amount of questions, apologies if it is overwhelming Final thing, all I know about DID is from DissociaDID (may be spelled wrong) on YouTube, and I have no idea how trustworthy of a source they are, nor have I watched them in years, so apologies if any of the terms/ information I have here is out of date or proven false Anyway, that's all, hope you have a good day :]

hi oh my god anon i love you. sorry i just really adore getting asked about stuff i love yapping and youve offered me a LOT to talk about, please expect a MASSIVE wall of text. like i mean it the wall is huge and took me like, an hour or two to type up. you opened the floodgates anon.

FIRST THINGS FIRST ☝ never apologize for being curious it is the most wonderous trait a person could have. i have spoken about some of these before but mostly in the replies or dms of people and thus it is perfectly okay by me to ask for me to repeat them here. secondly your questions are not at all overwhelming in fact i got very excited to answer once i realized how much youve asked. thirdly your phrasing is pretty accurate yes! ones you used are def pretty common, and i appreciate the willingness to be corrected - lots of phrases [though not specifically the ones you used, i mean more generally] are picked up and dropped by people for a whole variety of reasons ranging from comfort to accuracy to current knowledge, so being open to being corrected is a wonderful mindset to have when going into something youre unfamiliar with ! <3

anyhow, answers to the questions, numbered to each, under the cut ^_^ and just for ease im also going to actually type like a normal human being just this once lol. last warning here if you click "keep reading" youre in for a MASSIVE wall of rambling!

1: What are your characterisations of Chosen, Beast and Killer like?

I'd say my characterizations aren't anything too far from common interps, mostly regarding Chosen.

Chosen is a relatively soft spoken and monotone individual. He's prone to getting lost in thought a lot, especially when in conversation - he likes to think things through very much before speaking. A stick of few words, he likes being simple and blunt. He has a very hard time trusting people, but when he does, he trusts fully and deeply -- he is a very, very loyal person once that trust is earned. Even if someone he trusts does something to cause him to become upset with them, such as with Dark, he is willing to hear them out. Despite this, he's also very rash - much as he loathe to admit it. He may not speak without thinking, but he very much acts without thinking, sometimes even doing something without realizing it at first. This leads to a lot of things bad - such as him shoving Dark from the console in the flashback. He acts in ways he thinks he should, consciously or not. He's also got a bit of Dark's stubborness - once he sets his mind to something, it's a very difficult task to get him to back down.

Killer is, despite their name, very different from what you'd assume. They're a relatively happy person, all things considered, and despite having trust issues of their own, often tries to see the best in people. They're also a more ""casual"" fronter, bordering on co-host, as they usually end up in front for more minor things, or even just incidentally after they wake up. They're quick to adapt, usually masking as Chosen in these cases, but are equally quick to relax in safe environments and be more themselves. They're very talkative, and love learning about any and all topics that interest them. They also fidget a bunch - often with the ends of the body's scarf, or with their bracelet, gloves, belts, whatever is closest. Despite all this, they're also quite jumpy - they are primarily responsible for internal things, especially regarding their memories, and thus holds quite a few negative feelings and memories that they'd all rather not have. And yet, somehow despite all of that, they have a hard time with people. Like shown in the comic, Killer isn't always in front, and doesn't have access to nearly as many memories as you'd think for someone with their "role." In fact, they had no idea Dark existed until the very moment in that comic, which in my mind takes place years after Dark and Chosen ended up living together. How on earth they managed to go that long without meeting him, well your guess is as good as mine. I'd say it's a mix of good timing [or bad, depending on how you look at it] and generally "better" circumstances not requiring them to switch in as much as they previously had to.

Beast... Beast is a whole other can of worms, honestly. It's a general wildcard. The result of being treated inhumanely and without compassion, Beast is someone who is stuck in fight or flight mode for it's whole life -- and it's response is anything BUT flight. It is aggressive to anyone outside of the system, and anything it could see as a threat to their safety. Like I mentioned, it doesn't really speak - internally, it can't, and externally, it just forgets that the body isn't limited like it is, so it ends up silent. This leads to a lot of body language - it is incredibly expressive, and has a bit of a staring problem when it's not actively trying to maul something. Honestly if I drew sticks with eyes it'd totally do that thing that cat eyes do in the dark where it just looks at you super ominously from the shadows lol. Anyways, despite this, as I will always reiterate when talking about Beast's personality, it is not malicious. It is not evil, and it is not trying to hurt people on purpose. It is, first and foremost, protective and scared. It does not know HOW to calm down, or how to feel safe, because every time it's ever fronted, it has been faced with progressively worse and worse circumstances. It is determined and protective, and willing to go to great lengths to protect the system -- and perhaps, one day, if it can heal enough to trust others, it would do the same for them. If you thought Chosen was loyal, then you haven't seen Beast at its absolute best.

2: Going off of Killer not recognising Dark in the post, it was Chosen fronting in AVA3 yes? Who was fronting during showdown?

You'd be correct, for the most part! During the beginning of AVA3, when Chosen was still imprisoned as the ad-block, it was primarily Beast - thus, the chains on it's design, and its seeming unawareness of them. Then, once freed, Chosen had essentially force-fronted into co-front with Beast to fight his way out, eventually allowing Beast to sorta "pull back" out of front over the course of the episode - probably when Chosen and Dark team up. [And for clarification - when I mean "pull back," I mean sorta slowly being pulled from front in a switch. I'm not ever really sure how to describe what it feels like to slowly not front instead of being forcefully switched out, but this is how it makes the most sense to me. I'm sorry if it makes absolutely zero sense to anyone else lol]

As for who was fronting during Showdown, I'll admit that I haven't entirely decided. Initially for sure, during the flashback, it is 100% Chosen. Even during the early fight scenes it's primarily him - he's not being completely overpowered or even threatened with complete death [as, at the very least in my interp, Dark never intended to kill Chosen, just incapacitate so that he could go through with his plan. He only started striking to kill with the CG, but not Chosen - never Chosen.]

However, I'd say Chosen and his systemmates were, after a point, REALLY fucking blurry for a lot of that episode. Rapid switches that left them disoriented and dizzy and much slower to react than they'd usually be. When Chosen goes back to Alan's PC, that is when it's not necessarily unclear anymore. I'd say at that point particularly, Chosen has pulled away enough for the sorta blurry mess in front to be exclusively Beast and Killer, with Killer being busy masking as Chosen to get rid of the Virabot, but Beast being sorta hovering ominously over their shoulder internally thanks to the SEVERELY negative associations with the desktop. Killer's masking would probably have slipped a bit at seeing the CG, mostly out of personal shock at learning about them, but they would've left back to the Outernet before they could really think too hard about it.

The rest of the episode, especially when Chosen is seen overpowered by Virabots, is totally 100% Beast IMO. The situation of being contained, restricted, overpowered and in danger - life threatening to them, even if Dark never intended for it to be that way - it was much too similar to their early days on the desktop. Thus, Beast VERY solidly force-fronted and in doing so with taking complete ""control"" made it so neither Killer NOR Chosen were there for the ending of Showdown. A lot of the actions done once TSC came back were just done out of shock, and a very rare show of trust - TSC had shown Beast that they were willing to fight to protect them, collectively, even if it was really in response to their friends being harmed - protect one, protect them all, if that makes sense. TSC had removed the threat, and thus, Beast had sorta filed them away as one of the very few ""trustworthy"" sticks - even if it's not necessarily trust, it's the closest thing to it.

3: Going once again off the post Beast is non-verbal/ mute/ straight up doesn't know how to talk, is that why he resorted immediately to violence upon returning from Alans PC? Assuming that was Beast

Beast totally had a hand in it, yeah. Despite it and Killer being relatively equally "there" so to speak during the return to the PC in Showdown, Beast did have a MASSIVE influence on their collective actions. Killer fought because it knew it had to prevent bad things from happening, while Beast fought because it was the ONLY thing it knew to do to prevent bad things from getting WORSE. That is to say you're pretty spot on there lol

4: Was Chosen co-conscious during showdown? Simply watching as someone else used his hands to tear his best friend apart? Or did he come back to find his life destroyed, and best friend killed, with no idea how any of it happened

As briefly explained previously, Chosen wasn't the only fronter for a lot of it, and got completely booted out of co-consciousness after a point. Thus, while he knows logically that he fought with Dark, and when he DID front again, he could connect two-and-two together and realize that Dark got fucking murked, you're right to assume has remembers VERY little of the in-between and the specifics.

In fact, quite a few memories from even the co-conning were instead "given" to Beast and Killer. That's not exactly how it works but it's the best way I can describe it, based off my own experiences with co-conning with others -- sometimes you just don't end up getting the memories if there's multiple people in front, for one reason or another.

Anyhow, yeah, most memories of that day are kinda stuffed in the metaphorical closet. Chosen knows something happened between him confronting Dark and him ending up at home on the couch with a hole in the 2nd floor walls, but he just.. doesn't remember any of it. He can make the connections - he can look out the window and see the result of TSC's final blow to Dark from their house, after all. He can tell Dark isn't just hiding out somewhere. He's forgetful, not a fool. But he doesn't know what happened in the fight, or necessarily who killed Dark, and honestly Chosen's internal communication with his systemmates is absolute shit and there's no way in hell Killer OR Beast are leaving notes about a Really Traumatic Event in a journal for him, so his ass is NEVER finding out unless someone tells him.

[Which, to explain why he knows of TSC's powers in Wanted in that case, on some occasions memories do get ""passed"" from alter to alter. This is usually done in the case of "filling in" for the host, for example, where the alter requires information that another alter had taken in. This is commonly seen in situations where, for instance, a system is out at the store, but whoever entered had switched out for one reason or another, and the new fronter needs to mask as the other one to finish their task without "giving away" that something happened. This isn't the most common thing for Everyone I'd say, but it happens with my system sometimes, and also happens with some of my system buddies too. Thus, in my mind, it happens to Chosen too sometimes. It doesn't ALWAYS happen! Ie, that time Killer had no idea who Dark was. But it Can and so I'm portraying it here lol.]

5: Also, what are Chosen, Killer's and Beasts pronouns? I assume they differ from eachother. And are your Chosen and Dark siblings?

They do, yeah! While I've seen some systems sorta default to one or two sets of pronouns collectively, a lot of alters DO have preferences for pronouns pretty commonly. I mean, I myself vary wildly from some of my systemmates, a lot of whom, for example, use she/her, but I myself don't at all! It's honestly pretty interesting to see the differences, from a curiosity standpoint.

Anyways, back to Chosen. I would once again like to state that these are my personal headcanons and also I don't own Killer OR Beast, I'm just giving them character, and thus not everyone may agree necessarily.

Chosen: He/him primarily, but doesn't mind they/them too. He's kinda like that one tweet that's like "I think I'm nonbinary but I have a job so idc about that right now" in a way lol

Killer: They/them. Has a very wavery sense of identity though, so it's not like they'll get mad or anything at other pronoun usage. They honestly encourage people to get a little fun with it.

Beast: It/it's. Not in a dehumanizing way, but in a reclaiming sort of way.

Lastly, in my interp of Chosen and Dark, they are indeed siblings, yeah! I really adore the headcanon of all 4 hollowheads being siblings, it makes me incredibly happy, so it's like that in pretty much all of my interps/AUs. If it's work done by me, you can probably assue Chosen and Dark are related lol.

anyway yeah that's about it i'd say :] once again i love you so very much for asking questions, and i hope these answered them and didn't just run you in circles for twenty minutes ! i do have a bit of a habit of just yapping on and on and not being very clear, so if anything doesn't make sense or if you want me to expand on any points, or even if i've just repeated or even contradicted myself, then feel free to point it out or ask anything else! ^_^

[atopvisenyashill]

sorry if youve talked about this before and i missed it, but reading your got rewatch posts, i was wondering if you had any thoughts on the show changes were cersei and robert did have a baby together that died, and cats ‘all because i couldnt love a motherless child’ scene?

they're both stupid lmao.

okay first - robert & cersei baby is slightly more forgiveable because we get two really great scenes out of it. i wish cersei had just been lying about the baby to catelyn, as a way of trying to emotionally reach out/manipulate her. it would be a very cersei thing to do, and imo sort of a precursor to her taena relationship - i've said this before but cersei really wants groupies, it's why she falls for taena so fast, it's why she loves qyburn so much! she is just like, desperate for friends (friends who don't talk back, anyway), and i can see cersei figuring she could smooth over this not-quite-killing-bran fuckup by telling catelyn a sad story about how she lost a baby that she never actually lost. and when she mentions it to robert, it's in the middle of a really great scene.

COMMA BUT. it's sooooo ooc for cersei to risk having a baby by robert and it's not a change you can justify. she would just never do that. i think they could have kept the story between her and catelyn and had her reveal later in the season it was a lie - i think lena could have really sold something like that, the way cersei really is trying to comfort catelyn as sure as she is mostly trying to cover for her mistakes. it's just kind of a goofy change to me.

NOW THE CATELYN SCENE. ASS. ASS ON ASS.

I think what annoys me about that scene is Catelyn does feel some guilt over how she treats Jon - it's why she's so uncomfortable around Mya Stone, for example. She's well aware that the way she treats him is unfair, and the way she is so suspicious of bastards in general is unfair, and she keeps it to herself when she interacts with Mya, but she really sits in that guilt - and then discards it, because Robb needs her to focus. I think Catelyn would describe her feelings as essentially being unable to love a motherless child; she's a very maternal sort of person, and she's a very compassionate sort of person. When she tells Ned to send Jon away she specifically thinks that she's being "hard" - she's not immune to Ned's love for his son, it has an effect on her. It's just an effect she refuses to acknowledge.

COMMA BUT. She would NEVER and I mean NEVER say that shit out loud, certainly not to a near STRANGER. And she would nevver link her feelings towards Jon to what happened to Bran and Rickon. It's so frustrating to me because we already have several scenes where Catelyn deals with her Jon Snow issues, in the aforementioned Mya Stone interactions and that argument she has with Robb about his will. And they just cut them for a scene that is not good! Because like, I love Michelle Fairley, but it's not a good scene! The dialogue is overdramatic and stupid, and the filming is bad. They're just having her sit there and stare into the middle distance while monologuing. How is that more interesting than her climbing the mountain with Mya Stone, or arguing with Robb alone? Just a stupid choice.

[suffarustuffaru]

I still need to catch up on re zero but I've seen a bit of spoilers of whatever's going on with Otto but I want know what you think Otto's reaction is going to be when rbd gets revealed like

ooh ty for this ask thats a really interesting question that ive totally not thought about a lot :o HAH but yes anyway. the short answer is that i think that ottos reaction would be Not Good. but it would be kinda good bc ottos strategic mind and undying loyalty to subaru Would be helpful to have.... bc yknow, otto would be a pretty reliable ally who'd KNOW about rbd.... but also NOT GOOD for the exact same reasons (strategic mind and undying loyalty). i just think that otto knowing rbd is gonna cause both him giving subaru some comfort (ie otto going “i know now all youve been through… please confide in me about it”) and A Lot Of Conflict (“haha you should simply stop using rbd so much ahahha”).

anyway!! the longer answer is that i think ottos reaction depends a little bit on if hes finding out rbd alongside other people or if hes the ONLY one to figure out rbd at this time. i think the more likely option in canon is that he might figure it out via restoring roswaal's tome hah, but yes i mean either way, otto finds out rbd and his entire fucking world is gonna get flipped on its head just like any one of subarus other loved ones finding out rbd. if ottos finding it out by himself, i dont think that he'd reveal rbd to other people unless he HAS TO, but he'd tell subaru he knows about rbd (if subaru doesnt know at that point) when he feels its necessary. but more on that later.

anyway in terms of ottos general feelings - yeah, like. a lot of them are gonna be all the usual things that you would feel around finding out that your dear friend has had this absolutely horrific time travel ability haaah... like the horror of "oh god how much have you used that", and then "oh god have i hurt and killed you before" and "oh god whats happened in all those failed loops. youve definitely had failed loops right ahah" and "THATS why you know so much shit you shouldnt know and thats why youre so so traumatized by shit i dont know. ohhhhh god" and "have you always had this power?? in the entire time ive known you??? oh FUCK" you know? like otto especially i think is very analytical about things. and hes uh. Anxious. so hes just gonna go aaaaaalll the way down that rabbit hole (................pun intended) of "what the fuck subaru" and "OH NO SUBARU" and like in general connecting all the awful puzzle pieces together of all of subaru's mysterious behaviors suddenly lining up with rbd..... its a HUGE oh shit moment.

and then otto is gonna go RIGHT into gameplan mode. emergency mode. i think hes just gonna put HIS feelings on the backburner (he might have to have a little breakdown first depending on how Bad it goes, but given this is RBD it most definitely hit otto with the force of a dinosaur) and then ottos gonna throw himself right into doing his "duty" as subarus friend. we kinda see this a bit in stuff like gluttony if where otto tells garfiel to get his shit together bc its only them left bc SUBARU KILLED THE REST OF THEIR FRIENDS.... and then otto feels numb seeing garfiel die and then distantly, iirc, thinks of himself as kind of a shit person for not feeling much about garfiel dying in front of him :( but yeah like. ottos good at throwing himself into THINK OF AND EXECUTE A PLAN TO SOLVE THIS EMERGENCY SITUATION NOW, HAVE ANOTHER CRISIS ABOUT IT LATER. esp when its SUBARU on the line here. and its SUBARU whos been lost a million times before otto found out already, which will most definitely be driving him insane 👍 ottos coping mechanisms (….punching walls…. alcohol……. working….. general bits of aggression….) are very like. numbing/lashing out kind of coping mechanisms. Solitary coping mechanisms. and i think he’s gonna prioritize subaru over himself and try to be subarus support and then go to Cope and Seethe in private where subaru cant see him HAHA. or right in subarus face bc otto has a tendency to do that too, depends on how Pushed otto is. either that or, like with garfiels death in gluttony if, otto is numbed by shock at first (….until the full weight of the reveal probably crashes on him at some point).

that and i think ottos gonna be coping anyway by being obsessive about subaru, as one does (ottos really normal) (very normal) (and very mentally well)

it depends on how rbd reveal goes, but the options like i mentioned earlier are probably gonna be

1. otto found out rbd alongside other people -> otto provides emotional and strategic support to subaru + the rest of the camp whenever possible but stays largely in the background until he feels he has to take any Drastic Options

2. otto found out rbd on his own (and subaru doesnt know yet) -> otto stays in the background and intervenes when he feels he Has To -> will likely only tell subaru he knows abt rbd when he thinks its the right time and then try to be subarus pillar of support

yep so!! in general, i think ottos closely gonna observe subaru from now on— i think otto would wanna keep tabs on subaru at All Times and know Basically Everything about what subarus doing now. i know that sounds like. extreme. bc it is HAH but i think itd be in line with what we’ve seen otto be willing to do to save subaru and their other friends (see: wanting louis/spica dead) (see: being perfectly fine with leaving 50 million people to die), and ottos uhhhh slight nonchalance about getting his hands dirty (see: launching bandits off a cliff in self defense) (see: being nonchalant about the murder mystery in the goddess statue side story) (see: ….his various deranged comments like how its fine if 50 million people die if it means saving rem and subaru) (see: his suicide note in arc 4)

otto knows abt rbd and the effect rbd has on subaru and how subaru WILL use rbd bc hes just THAT fucking crazy but also THAT well intentioned to use rbd like that. this is ottos worse nightmare by the time we get to arc 8– hes upset and scared of subaru especially putting himself in danger bc of good intent and his desire to save people. subaru wants to save the world bc its ALL important to him, otto wants to save ONLY who’s most important to him— ie, ONLY ottos inner circle. so ottos gonna be put into a panic. hes gonna double down trying to control subaru so subaru stops sacrificing himself bc haha who cares about all those other people??? i know you do natsuki-san but this is too high of a cost to you, youre TOO IMPORTANT (to me), you cant keep doing this so ill just have to stop you!!

so i think it might just escalate tbh. if otto doesnt know how rbd reveal is activated, hes gonna try real hard to figure that out. if he KNOWS, hes gonna start making up plans as he fucking goes bc i am NOT letting subaru die AGAIN if i can help it. if he finds out about the suicide pill???? time to consider the pros and cons of yanking that shit right out of subarus mouth. some random vollachian civilians just died???? well time to stop subaru from dying bc using rbd is NOT fucking worth it. especially for random ass people. if something bad happens, like garfiel or someone else dying, and subarus about to rbd? oh fuck, guess i gotta consider if i should let subaru die or force him to live against his will. and let garfiel die potentially forever. oh god if i let subaru die will he be dead in this world or will time just completely overwrite what just happened and i wont know?? OH GOD—

bc you know. assuming otto might be the one person knowing rbd in this hypothetical scenario… (or in general just me using otto as an example here—) once otto knowing about rbd gets cemented past a save point subaru has—the next time subaru dies, will otto be left behind in that world with a dead subaru?? or will the new timeline override the old?? its of course the same question asked in like the arc 4 second trial that subaru has but NOW its from a whole new perspective. otto could potentially be left behind in a failed timeline knowing subarus dead in his world but—is subaru DEAD dead?? or did subaru really go into a new timeline??? itd break otto. i dont think he could LIVE without subaru.

anyway yeah i dont think ottos gonna cope well under these circumstances either way hah but for the sake of everyone else otto would hold his shit together until it gets too much. and i think hes gonna rethink about how hes been willing to DIE for subaru in the past—hes gonna think about how many times hes died for subaru before, hes gonna think about how actually he wouldnt mind dying for subaru but he cant tell subaru that or subaru will be upset, and hes gonna think about how even if he dies for subaru now, is it still worth it when subaru will just do anything he can to reset and undo ottos death??? its a WHOLE mindfuck.

and i think if otto was in the situation of “should i tell anyone else about rbd”, he would choose no in almost all cases. its a lose lose if he does—he upsets subaru and he upsets whoever he tells. its a mindfuck to otto already and the dude can At Least compartmentalize. he knows sharing that secret is a hard thing to do, knows that its hard on subaru. at most i think otto might consider beatrice bc shes close to subaru but also like. hundreds of years old so she of course could carry that burden? and dont get me wrong emilia and garfiel are Very strong in their own right but its gonna hit them HARD hard (i think i talked about emilias reaction to rbd in another ask somewhere hah).

and also otto being the freak he is would want to have all the info he can weaponize to help subaru at. any cost. so also in a strategic sense he cant tell people. both bc revealing rbd publicly both upsets subaru and it would risk subarus mental/physical safety… and also bc otto being the one person who knows is like. I ALONE can make sure my plans go smoothly and no ones stopping me. subaru wont even know unless i HAVE to tell him. and ofc otto cant account for if subaru suddenly knows what ottos trying to do (prioritize subaru over literally everyone) but otto would try his hardest.

anyway!! i do think on another level like if otto knows and subaru knows otto knows i think otto WOULD be a good ally. like ottos smart and resourceful and all that— he can be the second strategist backing up subarus own strategy and power (prior knowledge bc rbd). otto can also support subaru the best he can emotionally about rbd— you know, like comfort subaru, tell him hes done his best throughout all these loops, etc etc. and ottos good at prioritizing too. hes cutthroat with it sometimes but he WOULD be good at like going “hey only one person died in this entire battle of hundreds of people, you cant use rbd its not worth it here. im sorry” or something. otto would basically be like echidna in greed if but better yes T^T

but like. i REALLY dont think otto is just gonna take subaru rbding lying down, it goes against everything otto stands for both morally and as subarus friend. but at the same time otto knowing rbd knows he cant exactly control subaru as much as he wants on that front. otto could try anything and subaru might already know everything ottos gonna try already bc subarus rbded before. subarus lived through this before. and theres a special kind of horror in that too of knowing your friend will have these spurts of suddenly knowing Everything youll do, knowing Everything you intended to do and you just know its bc your friend died and went back in time to do all of this now. absolutely horrific this would do a number on ottos psyche (and of course it already did many many numbers on subarus psyche hahaha…)

so in the end like—otto can be as stubborn as he wants and subaru can be as stubborn as he wants but if they decide to fight each other in this hypothetical scenario theyre gonna end up eternally being thorns in each others sides until it kills one or both of them at least once. but subarus gonna win out in the end bc of rbd, itd be up to otto to find a way to at least change subarus mind just a bit and restrict his rbd use some more. thats. uh. the most otto can do :(( be the support………………

yeah and if ottos finding rbd out alongside other people i think that all of the above that i just said would happen but more subtly. like otto would give his support to subaru and his friends (who’re also reeling from this info :,) ) and then in private otto i think would be like PLOTTING. how can i stop subaru from using rbd. how can i save subaru more. what actions do i need to take. how drastic do i need to be. IM the one who can get my hands dirty here in a way that subaru cant. etc etc :,)))) otto, you sneaky guy……

anyway ive considered making a “otto finds out rbd” fic before but never had specific plot beats so :<<<<< yeah like i said in this entire ask i have my Various Guesses on how otto would react to rbd!!

[fairycosmos]

hey sorry if this is invasive but how do you know you have depression? things have been harder to cope with for the past month but i am incredibly ashamed of asking for help or even saying out loud because i feel dramatic, attention seeking etc. even realising how much it is affecting my life. do i really need to get it out to get better?

ive had it since i was a kid and my doctor has been aware of it since i was like 11 so it was just smth i grew up with - when im in a particularly bad episode i can tell because im extremely lethargic, unmotivated, don't look after myself, am prone to severe hopelessness and a sense of impending doom following me everywhere + self destruction, i drink more, i get paranoid, i dissociate and feel disconnected from the world around me and from my own body, im numb/sad most of the time, i have panic attacks and cant get out of bed even for things i would usually want to do, im very disorganised and have a flat affect/tone of voice, i don't interact with people much....honestly the list goes on LOL.

it's important to understand that depression manifests uniquely for everybody and if youve noticed a difference in your own behaviour/thinking patterns that is actively and consistently impacting your life negatively - then that is enough of an indicator that something is going on. it doesn't need to be any worse. if it's already difficult, then it's already difficult, and you deserve support with it. to some extent it's some normal to feel ashamed/afraid of reaching out - we're raised in a world that stigmatises mental illness and we've received that messaging for a long time. which makes it feel like the truth, but doesn't mean that it is actually true. i think the bottom line is that you need to treat yourself the way you'd treat a friend going through something like this. you wouldn't want them to cut themselves off from asking for help because they've bullied themselves into silence over what people might or might not think of them. if we want to live in a world that truly supports people with mental health issues in an effective way, then we need to hold ourselves to that same standard. i know it's incredibly overwhelming, and im not saying it's wrong to be anxious or scared about reaching out. i just think actively trying to frame it from a more objective mindset could help you accept what is happening and what the right next step is for you. if you have the opportunity to talk to someone - a hotline, your doctor, a local support group or therapist, even a friend/family member to begin with - i really encourage it. even write down what you want to say or bullet point what's been going on so you don't feel like you're being put on the spot. im sure you're imagining all sorts of reactions, but in my experience, professionals are very accepting of what you're going through and just want to work with you to see how you can process and cope with your current mindset more healthily. whether it's medication, talking therapies, showing you new coping skills - there's a lot that can be done for someone in your shoes. you're not stuck and they're not going to judge you. even if, in some alternate reality, you just wanted some attention - that's not a crime. i think it's natural to want someone to witness and acknowledge us when we're hurting anyway. sorry to ramble - there are a lot of depression self help and coping pdfs that are free and available to download online which offer a bit of support. maybe that could be a good stepping stone if you're feeling super uncomfortable with the idea of talking to someone. we all work on our own timeline and thats honestly ok. but if you're looking for truly personalised and effective help then i think working towards talking to someone is your best option. it's okay to not be happy about that and still do it, like swallowing a medicine that tastes gross. otherwise the thoughts just rot inside you and you get lost in a spiral of depressive thinking patterns and it weighs you down having to manage it all alone inside your head. you become at risk of losing all objectivity and sense of self, which happens to me often and is fucking horrible. if it's possible, i really hope you eventually bring this up to a loved one or a professional. im really sorry you're going through this and i truly hope better days are ahead. sending a lot of love. X

[spookfished]

media roundup february

hi everybody :3 i didnt really read a lot in february i was busy 'doing school' and 'looking for employment.' sad! i have spring break coming up so im planning on using that time to read a bunch (and also apply for more jobs -_-) this post and previous can be found on my neocities!

books:

revenant gun by yoon ha lee: the last book in the hexarchate series, starting with ninefox gambit. (slightly edited from my discord review, SPOILERS INCOMING). in machineries of empire, there a disconnect between what the audience craves and what the book is willing to give them-- for example, things like Whats up with the calendar + the hexarchate, why did jedao do all that, etc. this works in the books favor (imo) by increasing tension, creating a sense of discovery, and avoiding clunky exposition.

however in the two sequels it expands not just to what the audience wants but also what they like. care about? some big examples are the weight of the remembrances* and less cheris, but also stuff like jedaos focus. which isnt bad like i like jedao. but like, if you Dont you sure do get a lot of him. also did anyone actually like brezan sorry. hes fine like for example with the end of a memory called empire, when the protag (forgot her name sorry) loses her brain buddy, it feels like a second coming of age almost--her brain buddys been a crutch but now she gets to stand on her own (albeit as a changed person, with brain buddys influence). vs cheris who kinda starts to feel like a cameo character who literally fucks off for nine years??? there is also a sort of ongoing sense of "these sacrifices for the greater good are ok (if sad) and these are not" whihc ngl sometimes feels pretty arbitrary to me. and given that machineries of empire focuses on like the Littlest most downtrodden people it really is wild yhat we dont see a lot of civilian life? anyways i enjoyed it and i think its worth finishing out the trilogy but it wasnt as satisfying as i could have hoped (ALSO NINEFOX GAMBIT IS A REALLY FUN SOLID READ. I LIKED IT A LOT)

*the rememberances are a set of ritualized tortures that create a power structure that literally powers a lot of the empire's technology. this is a very cool concept! a big part of jedao and cheris' rebellion is about making a place that Doesnt have to run on torture. except that like, besides the intellectual knowledge that Torture Is Bad as a reader i didnt really feel that invested in this? like we only get to See a remembrance happening midway thru book 3. im not like advocating for torture porn or anything but it seems weird to have that be the focal thing when neither cheris nor jedao had any scenes where they were affected by it (and so the audience didnt have anything like that either). idk it kinda just stood out to me. like yes i care about these characters but why should i care about This specifically

hexarchate stories by yoon ha lee: an anthology set in the world of machineries of empire, expanding the world and fleshing out some stories. this was pretty solid! theres a wide range of stories and lengths, and i liked the variety :3 its like a little charcuterie board. (yoon ha lee's bias for shuos jedao really stands out here though..) its kinda essential reading to me imo though bc otherwise the ending of revenant gun isnt that satisfying :| lol anyways once again if youve read ninefox gambit check it out! spoilers for the whole series tho

exordia by seth dickinson: hard scifi about agency, impossible choices, and how they shape you. also, international geopolitics! like ninefox gambit, exordia demands your attention and concentration. you kinda have to read it at a time when you have brainpower to spare. however, exordia rewards everything that you put into it :3 i ended up learning so many random facts during this book… like AGL meaning above ground level. i feel like i need to read a book about democratic confederalism now also. a couple of my other friends read this book and got lost in the large cast and intricate web of events--i didnt have as much of an issue but u might need a piece of paper or sth. exordia is a book that's dense enough to feel like three books, and that can be good or bad. seth dickinson has this really spare, concise prose that leaves a lot to your imagination but also like. can sum up a person or situation in just a couple sentences? and that leaves a lot of room for the reader to investigate which i like :3 hm what else to say…. i really liked clayton (clayton!!!!) but i found erik super annoying ymmv. the ending kinda leaves you at a loss which i honestly kinda like? like yeah obv a sequel would be nice but i like it the way it is. anyways not for the faint of heart but id still recommend<3

accidentally engaged by farah heron: f/m romance aww so cute <3 really nice contemporary romance which tosses together a bunch of tropes--arranged romance, fake dating, baking together--into something that actually works really well! the two leads were very charming and i liked reading about the good food. i liked the way the protagonist's almost-stereotypical portrait of a loving but strict south asian family (am i allowed to say this) gets fleshed into a group of honestly kinda bizarre people that love her and that reena can genuinely connect with. yay family! overall, not especially memorable to me personally but still enjoyable. rec if youre into contemporary romance

last breath: the limits of adventure: realistic fiction (?) about what it feels like to drown, die of dehydration, fall from a cliff, etc. lots of research, very thorough! (well sometimes they live and sometimes they dont). an expansion of this absolutely fantastic article about hypothermia. honestly none of the stories quite live up to this one imo but this is still a really solid and exciting read! i couldnt put it down! although it does have a touch of the orientalism that you get from like, a lot of extreme sports circles lol. i would definitely recommend reading the article, and maybe read the book if it especially interests you.

video games:

pokemon legends of arceus: a pokemon game set in the past that breaks the mold by letting you dodge roll. my opinions here coincide pretty closely with the dunkey video, which is that this is a really fun game that is also literally half finished. controls are clunky, story is paper thin, graphics are fucked, overworld is extremely empty but its also just very fun?? it took over my life for like two weeks and i missed class???? anyways i would not get this at full price but if you can borrow it from a friend its super interesting to experience. im looking forward to the kalos one :3

slay the princess: a horror? romance? visual novel about saving the princess, slaying tbe princess, and everything in between featuring the vocal chops of that one magnus archives guy. dudeee this is so fun! i think its very kind to the guy inside of me who is Embarrassingly Anxious about any and all video game choices that can like, affect the narrative. lmfao its fun to fit in a couple runs or two between other things, but i did start losing track of what previous paths id taken after a bit of a gap. however!!! i would definitely think about playing this game if you like visual novels or Narrative or Loops! or girls who kill lol theres a free demo if you want to try it out

movies:

velocipastor: action movie about a priest who turns into a velociraptor to punish the wicked!!!! so fucking cool a lot of love put into this (low budget) movie made me so sad i dont speak cantonese (? at least i think thats what it was) watch this with friends

music:

Gato by nobonoko: really fun 80s synth jazz? album written by two fictional gay furries. no wait come back ok this is one of those things i got recommended by youtube and then actually listened to it a bunch of times its just very soothing and nice :3 ive been listening to jazz pretty much my whole life so i have a huge bias. also im a sucker for fictional bands eg splatoon… also the art is so cute?? those two guys?? its hard to pick a favorite song but i think i like the titular gato! also theres a bunch of other stuff made by the same two artists

option by Crosses: i totally forgot what the genre for this is but its like when metal guys are like i need to have a song for my metal wedding. song recommended by neil -_- anyways very sappy im fond of it nonetheless. i definitely did think it said "can you promise me to the grave"

Roy by Idles: from british rock band idles new album tangk! im going to be honest i did not like this album as much as some of the other ones by idles, but thats ok! hmm when i play this song out loud during crew shifts i feel embarrassed. but i really like seeing how idles' vocalist's voice has evolved over time! the way hes branched out into more melodic and belty stuff over time is very fun. the prechorus + chorus are very fun to sing along to as well :3 its just a fun song

anyways if you read any portion of this thanks as always :3 what else to say.. i made pandesal recently and its been my only successful bread that i can remember. go me! anyways see you guys in a bit

[metyouattherighttime]

review for short n sweet (first listen)!!

1- taste

hello im excited for jenna ortega in the mv and the song i couldnt hear cause i was brushing my teeth all i got was youll have to taste me when hes kissing you (will listen again) ok here i am again. 5 feet to be exact!!!! i feel the beginning is similar to fortnight like the slow start to build up is there a formula to album starters or something. or maybe its a formula for normal songwriting idk. but i like it!

2- please x3

absolute bop obvi

3- good graces

i wont give a fuck about you!! the song is a bop but uhm it wont stick in my mind omg this review in its entirety is so bad idk what im listening to the first time round. kinda repetitive ngl

4- sharpest tool

ok this is good. phone face down!! (me always)

5- coincidence

kinda country vibe w the acoustic guitar!!! and the background singers!! (youve lost all common sense, the whispers r everything) the bridge ate

ok wtf an ad 🙄

7- bed chem

ok my claimed track!!! manifest!!!!!! oooohhhh ok yes the weird intonation thing will absolutely stick in my head at some point LOL where art thou?? did she say that. or am i crazy idk anything without lyrics.. is she saying romeo in the background i have no idea. BOP

8- espresso

thats that me espresso ☕️ also track 8 is lowkey surprising cause why is it not like track 3 is jt because its eight letters

9- dumb & poetic

slowish song! i think the slow songs are where her voice rly stands out. wait there was like no beat drop or whatever did i miss it no right what its ok

CAN I JUST SAY WHY R THE SONGS ALL SO SHORT 😭😭😭😭

10- slim pickins

ooo another slowish somg! and guitar picking!! wait maybe a banjo actually. its giving eyes wide open vibes with grown up lyrics yk??? ok maybe ukulele too??? idk but strings are involved

11- juno

MY OTHER CLAIMED!! its so pop omg wait the beat is so fun. ooooo okok YES the ow! is yes!!! wait no i love this song shut up. its so like adorable but also idk because sabrina lyrics but ugh no the beat is cute. it reminds me of a song i heard in the car but idk what it is i think something by coldplay.. and like the fall in love part i feel like could be part of a kpop song?? yk??? i wonder why she chose juno and not hera is juno short?? no shes a god

12- lie to girls

this is a very sabrina style song like do you get me. ok the bridge is def gonna be so fun to sing!! i think im gonna have a hard time memorising the lyrics cause it repeats a lot of the same ohrases tho 😭 i like the outro ok maybe im just a sucker for guitar

13- dont smile

last track!!! ok synth. dr seuss but opposite LOL wait is it dr seuss quote i forgot like dont cry cause its over smile because it happened..??? OK BUT WHY IS THIS TJE LAST TRACK DOES SHE WANT ME TO CRY if u dont wanna cry to my music dont make me hate u prolifically ig

anyways last remarks from me. juno is my fave. espresso and please x3 are still bops and i also like slim pickins but bed chem may be inappropriate to sing in front of my parents i wont lie.. i liked sharpest tool tooand coincidence

ok yk what the ones that didnt hit for me this first listen are good graces, dumb & poetic, and dont smile

thanks bye let me know ur thoughts 😚😚😚💛💛💛💛

i hav to listen again to rly feel it so uhm take this review w a grain of salt because it will not be accurate to how i feel after a few lessons ok!!!!

[stitchwraith-stingers]

26 with Hazel :3

26. What's something the character has done you can't get over? Be it something funny, bad, good, serious, whatever?

you cant make me choose ONE scene i think about, might not be what the question is specifically is about but too late youve gotten into my unskippable dialouge trap

i cannot stress this enough her trying to convince her father - whos gotten his memories erased - to paint for his wife on the basis of her "uhh... because im psychic?" and THATS got got him to trust her, priceless, i hope they use this as their "um, internet" stand in

god dont get me started on rattleconda racers.... the way they yelled at eachother is like a gumball scene ... ALRIGHT IM SORRY BUT IF I STOP SCREAMING I LOOK LIKE I LOST THE ARGUMENT CAN WE HUG NOW, PLEASE

HER ALMOST STRAIGHT UP KILLING HERSELF FOR THE SAKE OF POTATOES?? HELLO??? AND AFTER PISSING OFF MOTHER NATURE? she rlly went hazel u fucked up big time and hazel went SUICIDE LIVE RIGHT NOW! 🎉🎉🎉

the way she infodumped RIGHT AS SHE WAS BEING DROPPED INTO MAGMA/LAVA IDR WHICH ONE... shes like THEYRE ALL SPECIAL CUZ THEYRE FROM DIFFERENT TIME FRAMES and theyre like HOLDDDD ONNN.... let her live shes a true rocky horror show head.....

ALSO ALSO THE SCENE IN FEARLESS.... tfw my friend gets possessed and calls out on me projecting how i was with my brother in the past... shes like YEAH that happened fuck off

the way she on the verge of TEARS when wanda almost died, good god, and lumping these next 3 things cuz theyre the same - "alright..... happy birthday dev...." "yeah u definatly deserved it" "FINE!!!!" (slaps him like a cat with cheese) "take the dumb shirt <:("

theres probably more small moments i can think of (eheheh ^_^ eh lives in my head rent free) but i think ill stop hereeeee............. question mark

[sburbian-sage]

Hey there, groovyMoonbird again (currently a mage of hope, whats with the hope class)

I talked a bit about this last time ( i apologize about the radical change in tone during that post i figured out a bit back how to make alcohol using some berries i alchemized)

Dont know how long its been for you but its been around 3 months for me since the end of my last session

Ive found myself here alone in this session, as far as i can tell and what youve told me, i either have a solo session or based on what i know about the void class a missing player, but even void doesn't quite line up with some of this

I went ahead and checked a few dungeons before i found a duo-dungeon

Its not blank persay, as it has a large square as the secondary symbol, not sure what this could indicate

Far more alarming however is that my denizen is also gone, im having large stretches where my memory blanks (even when i dont drink) and i continue to be normal blind in my fucked up eye

Said fuck it and went to challenge my denizen in a half drunken rage only to find nothing, everything has been looted and cleared out

Land is nothing special as far as i can tell (land of bushes and swamps)

The reason im so concerned is that i haven't slept at all since starting this session and staring at the square on dungeons makes my teeth hurt and fills my mouth with a sugary saliva , so im certain that i have a doppelganger situation occurring

The consorts are addressing me as two people now

Im afraid that something is very very wrong with this session

Wait, groovyMoonbird, you were the anon stuck in the solo session? Right after getting noclipped into the Furthest Ring? I think you have the worst luck I've ever seen in my life, given the frequency with which you find yourself in improbable situations. Do yourself a favor and please contact a gamebreaking community at some point, I'm sure they'll love you, and also have zillions of questions.

A Saccharine Doppleganger may be possible, if you're experiencing sudden sugar tastings (or sympathetic sugar rushes, which might be contributing to any pain or black-outs), but a lot of this behavior doesn't line up with what scant reports of Saccharine Dopplegangers that exist. While they are copies of you, they aren't player entities. I'm pretty sure the Consorts shouldn't be acknowledging them, and the game registering them another player and generating a false Aspect for them is just straight-up impossible. Killing the denizen is also highly unusual behavior, they usually just shittify your house by making thousands of Fancy Santas, and then they track you down and do something unspeakable to you. Speaking of which, if you can get to an Alchemiter, JPG-ify your gun. Saccharine Dopplegangers tend to make Zilly equipment, and Artifact is the only hard counter to that kind of stuff. It will be a janky-ass gun you probably can't even hold correctly, but that will be your best tool in the fight. I want you to know I'm being sincere right now, this isn't a prank.

Now here's the bad news. Without your Denizen, you're kind of fucked. I once again don't think the Saccharine Doppleganger killed it, but point is, they're pretty useful when you're completely lost up Poop Creek without a paddle, or a boat. The good news is, we don't actually know what happened to it. It could have just not spawned because not all players are in the session yet. It could just be hiding and fucking with you. After you're done mopping up the Candy Thing, I'd reccomend scouring for any signs of the potential missing players. The Duo Dungeon is a lead, but there's also the Dream Moons and any SBURB-related forums on Earth (or whatever planet you came from), assuming you haven't 100% confirmed that Earth is 100% destroyed.

You survived too much for some sort of Void Session to kill you. Fight on, groovyMoonbird!

[hellsbroadcaster]

Being a good person doesn’t meant taking shit laying down btw.

Like I think just in general, people think staying quiet about how they’ve been treated to avoid ‘drama’ is the best solution and I’m telling you it’s not.

Absolutely be loud about it. Point it out. Confront them. How they react is out of your control but at least you said what you needed to say.

I’ve been shushed before. Someone who I thought was a friend really hurt me, betrayed me. It was like a slap in the face, and all because I was going through my own shit and didn’t have time to be there 100%.

And it sucked, how I kind of had to swallow my hurt. How a lot of my ‘friends’ knew it was shitty of them but because they didn’t wanna cause drama they didn’t say anything. No one did a god damn thing and it’s really something when you see an abuser get love and praise and be treated like they are this wonderful person when they aren’t.

And true, you can’t make everyone see it. I know they will eventually, and it’s not my job to point it out for everyone. And I won’t. But at that time? It absolutely hurt me, and I started to look at things differently. Look at people differently. And it left me shambles for a good while.

I would rant about it and people would ask me to stop. Or to tag it. Because they didn’t wanna see it. And that’s valid? But also? Why is it you can only accept me when I’m showing my good side? The side of me that’s put together and makes you laugh and keeps you entertained but when I’m hurting you want me to take it elsewhere.

Started making me look at ppl on here who only look at you like a number. I know we all are going through our own shit. I don’t expect ppl to drop everything and help me, I don’t expect ppl to care. If I vent it’s usually just for myself to let off steam and it helps . But yet, somehow there’s always someone that makes it about them.

Therapy has helped me a lot with creating boundaries. I realized a lot of the things that happened where my own fault due to, seeing the issues but not saying anything about them. And also how I make myself to readily available for people. I was there for that person for so much, even bought them food when they were hungry and couldn’t for themselves. I don’t regret it, I don’t regret caring or having a good heart. No natter what I never want to lose that side of me that gives a damn about people.

I do the things I do because I’ve been there. I offer a safe space , a fun space for you to be yourself . Because I know what it’s like to have to hide. Show ppl how to love themselves because I had to learn on my own. I am an empath, I feel everything and I sometimes go overboard because I don’t have the proper boundaries set up. But I’m much more aware now. Learning and trying to be more effective in my communication.

But it makes me sad when you do call out bad behavior and instead of people looking at themselves and saying ‘you know I’m sorry I did screw up, I’m going to do better’ they deny. They gaslight you. They bring up everything YOUVE done wrong to them instead of acknowledging what you’re bringing to their attention. Suddenly they are the victim and you’re the bully being aggressive because they can’t tell the difference between an aggressive tone and an assertive one.

And it sucks that you’ll deal with people who can’t see anything past their own pain. Cuz there is no dealing with that, that’s shit they gotta work on and unfortunately they gotta be willing to look at themselves in the mirror and start seeing the truth.

We all got flaws. I had to look myself in the mirror, and see a lot of things I didn’t like either. Things that needed changing. That’s maturing. Recognizing you’re not perfect, that you do fuck up, and being willing to accept and change it.

But a lot of ppl on here not ready for that. And the moment I’ve started my healing journey I’ve lost a lot of people who aren’t built like me. Whether it’s because I make them see things in themselves that they don’t like, or think they can’t ever be or what it’s not really my problem anymore.

I’ve been stagnant for so long, I want things out of my life and for the first time in my life despite setback after setback I feel like I finally start getting them. I can respect people who aren’t ready to heal, but I can’t stay in those situations anymore. I wish you luck on your own path, but I’m done putting myself on hold for others all the time.

You’re not wrong for wanting to hold people accountable. There are always limits of course. Say your piece and be done, don’t keep adding fuel to it. How they react remember is out of your hands but you did what you needed to do. People say closure is pointless and I say you obviously learned to just not act on your discomfort and just bottle it up and to me that’s sad.

Because we shouldn’t have to do that for the sake of someone’s comfort who had no regard for ours.

And I am confrontational. I’m a nice person but I will come to you with an issue if there is one. And there’s nothing wrong with that, one mistake doesn’t make you horrible. Makes you human. Changed behavior means you’re growing and learning. It’s not a bad thing and I wish tumblr would stop viewing this stuff as bad. Because it’s so important to be able to grow and it’s why so many people suck because no one is really trying to do that.

[unlimitedtrees]

so the game i made, 'UNITRES Dreams', is open source on github now

https://github.com/UnlimitedTrees/UNITRES-Dreams

hello. earlier i made my game 'UNITRES Dreams' open source on github. i want to talk about it. click the little 'read more' thingy to read da rest of this post. i had a lot of things i wanted to say about it and why i think open sourcing games is kind of awesome Lol !!!

also , By The Way, play da on newgrounds ehehehehe ~! or u can download it on itch.io too if you want

so. let me start off by saying that, although i was planning on releasing the source code for unitres for a long while, i was Not prepared to release it now. in fact, it kind of happened on accident.

in case you didnt know, earlier on twitter i was talking about how i wished there was a good way to release my archive of old builds for the game. i have a google drive full of old builds but i also i dont like using google drive. i sent a link to the drive in a reply to someones tweet, but there is one big thing i forgot: the game's project file is also in that drive.

anyways, instead of just deleting the reply or removing the file from the drive, i decided to just release the source code on github now, since i might as well. a part of me feels like i shouldnt have released it so suddenly... but also a part of me feels relieved.

you see, the unitres dreams source code is Bad. tons of messy code with almost no comments... a bunch of hackish solutions to tons of problems... everything is just incomprehensible unless youre me. considering ive been the only person working on the game for years, i understand most of the code and never needed to make comments (especially since making comments in construct 2 is Annoying).

my original plan for releasing the source code was to go back and clean everything up; improving tons of messy systems and adding comments explaining how everything worked. i also was planning on adding new content for a new update to the game aswell.. such as an options menu and maybe new levels and characters or something. i have Tried going back a few times to clean some little things up and work on a keybinding system... but i havent had the time to focus on it and do what ive wanted to do with it.

so, yeah. im kind of glad the source code is just Out now. it probably wouldve taken me Years just to do what i planned... and i think its best to just get it out now instead of just waiting years for something that might never happen, even if the source code right now is incredibly insane and unusable.

which leads me to something most people might be wondering: Why even release the source code in the first place? honestly, i doubt a lot of people will get use out of it, especially with the bad code and it being made in an old, dead engine that you cant even Buy anymore. but despite this... i think its good to release the source code for your games for a few reasons...

for one, its good for archival reasons. ive had a huge anxiety over losing all the source code for my games... its happened to me before and it really hurts. not only can you not use it in the future, but you lose a lot of work youve done, and for me ive lost a ton of games which were important to my journey as a game dev. nowadays, i try to hold onto all of my projects and have saved them to multiple computers and hard drives, but releasing them on stuff like github and google drive at least makes me feel a little better.. and hopefully with the unitres source code being public and the google drive for the old builds being out, it means that i wont have to worry about losing either of them.

another big reason is that, even if no one uses the source code for anything like mods or whatever, i think games having their source code out is good for learning game dev and understanding how games are made, even if the code is a big mess. even if i did get to go with my plan of cleaning up the source code... i feel like thatd be kind of dishonest, cus Most games Never have perfect code when theyre made. its good if you use the most messy code in existence just to get the game done... you can't always spend forever perfecting something, and at the end of the day the game eventually has to come out at some point. even big triple A projects will have weird code in some places... thats just a fact of life. i think having the source code out lets people see the kinds of crazy stuff that goes into a game, and maybe seeing my crazy code will influence others to do things a lot better in their own things. that's what i think, anyways.

and hey, even if My game never gets any sort of modding community, that doesnt mean Your game wont. there are a lot of communities out there who make some crazy things with mods.. and things such as open source games or decompilations can lead to some incredible stuff. with decompilations, youve got things such as mario 64 or the retro engine sonic games being ported to pretty much Everything, and then youve got open source games like Doom and friday night funkin which are being pretty much kept alive Because theyre open source and have a huge modding community. even if a game never gets as much interest as those.. it doesnt mean it never will, and having a game be open source can help a community grow so much more.

anyways umm yea. i think making games open source is awesome. there is a little part of me that feels weird about making unitres dreams specifically open source and the possibility that people might make fangames and mods out of it, as its something thats really personal to me (especially since the main character is named after me), but if people do make fangames and stuff with it i dont think ill mind, especially since a lot of my early work was fan games and unitres dreams takes a lot of inspiration from the media i love. all that i ask is that people include the original credits from the game in their thing, especially if you reuse any of the music from the original soundtrack.

i think, at the end of the day, my goal with this is to inspire more people to open source their games. a lot of good things can come out of it. that's all i have to say i think. play unitres dreams on newgrounds dot com ehehehe !!

[autisticethanmorgan]

How I would continue mbav in comic form

disney, teletoon, fresh tv, whoever the fuck owns the rights to this, please let me have them

LONG ASS POST WARNING

we are past the days of any further mbav television content, but you know what has a much lower production cost and would fill a specific niche? a comic/graphic novel continuation >:) Teen rating because pretty much anyone who was the target audience of mbav when it was airing is late teen or older and I want the characters actions to have more consequence, basically i want to injure my protagonists

I would pick up a month or two after the lucifractor explosion, establish the new status quo, we cant really do a continuation if they all died so Ill settle for injury and property damage, including putting out main man Ethan in a half magic/half head trauma induced coma! this is kind of a cheap story beat but i cant help it I love a coma and its a good opportunity for both sarah and benny to get a little bit darker and have some interesting character development, with the most important difference being that sarah basically gets through it and refuses to compromise her morals whereas benny is very lost without ethan being his moral compass and becomes more and more reckless with magic, eventually leading to him attempting a very risky spell to wake ethan up which does work but basically has sarah and his grandma like 'wtf is wrong with you'

meanwhile erica and rory are fucking around in the states bc this would be a very fun B plot for a while before they return, if youve read the comic crowded im thinking of that kind of vibe

so anyway ethan is back up and running now and everyone is kind of trying to get back to normal but its really hard and theres a lot of residual magic causing problems and making bennys magic more powerful, and its giving ethan basically constant migranes and really vague visions and horrifying dreams and all that good 'plauged with visions' stuff.

sarah and ethan have not gone on any more dates at this point so theyre not dating but they do have this kind of romantic aspect of their relationship and they basically havent talked about it since the explosion, kind of a silent understanding of like 'i love you and i dont really care that its platonic or romantic but i just understand whats happening in a way almost no one else can and Im here for you even if now just isnt the time for us'

benny is continuing to get more reckless and kind of vengeful with his magic use, testing his limits, using magic to get back and the people making snide comments in the halls, especially after ethan comes back to school, when your best friend is in a coma for two months you get kind of defensive about it I guess. If you’re not a bethan truther I’m sorry but Ethan can have two intense friendships that border on romantic, both of which are societally non conventional/acceptable. In fact he has to. It is so good narratively. but anyway at some point there is a particularly bad incident benny gets more vindictive than ever before and hurts this guy pretty badly till ethan is yelling at him to stop

at this point ethan and sarah and grandma are like 'uhhh benny is getting kinda intense' but they dont even know the half of it because secretly he learning magic that isnt in his book, researching on his own and making stuff up. the magic itself wants him to be getting stronger, its not like sentient but it does have kind of a self preservation instinct? like a power begets power type thing that magic users can very easily be driven mad by their own magic if theyre not careful or dont have another magic user telling them to touch grass.

i think benny can have unexamined mental repercussions due to his parents having either left him or died. as a treat. so when he get magic and suddenly he can control things he couldnt before yknow who can blame him for getting kind of lost, i personally would become insane. I havent really though about the specific of him devolving and mentally deteriorating. I dont want him to be too evil yknow? bc we will be letting him get redeemed latr bc im a sucker for that.

at this point erica and rory return from their wacky adventures bc this is no time for a silly b plot. and they are like huh benny got kind of weird and different and ethan is like haha no hes fine

he is not fine

he is actually sneaking out of town to meet another magic user who is basically like 'i will act like a father figure to gain your trust' and benny is like 'epic!' yknow because he. becuase. because he has no dad :D. he gets exposed to magic that grandma doesnt do and is both scared and impressed and this other magic user is like 'she doesnt want you to learn this >:| she doesnt want you to reach your fullest potential' and benny is like 'hmm idk about that' but they keep talking until this guy is like 'arent you tired of being nice?dont you just wanna go apeshit?' but benny is still like 'hmmm my really close boy best friend probably wouldnt like that' but its too late. its already in motion.

benny gets more evil. he is causing problems in whitechapel and does not seem to care. benny be like 'thought acquired: if i control everything and destroy the things i dont like then everything will be good and i can protect my friends forever. i see no moral problems with this' more development into evil, dont ask me the details i dont know.

bennys evil girl summer culminates in some kind of fight where ethan enters his mind bc yeah obviosly thats where this has been going, idk if ive just spent to long thinking about jean grey and scott summers but this is the most interesting thing ever. i want to see ethan walking through bennys memories end of life is strange style and realizing that all of his most important memories are of them together, times that theyve comforted or protected each other and it ends with a memory of from just before they met sarah. that memory fades out and ethan is standing on the street in front of his house, so he goes up to his room and benny is there but this time its really him and not just a memory version of him and benny is like 'i dont know how it got to be like this, this isnt what i wanted, how do i fix this?' and ethan is like 'i havent given up on you, you can still come back and we can try to make it right' and they hug and they come back to reality and benny basically breaks down sobbing yeah i <3 sad boys. he has a lot of regrets. ( i have written a lot of this scene bc i am insane and obsessed)

by the next morning hes left town. only leaving a note saying he needs to go away and clear the magic out of his head. hes reversed as much of the magic he did as he could, and left ethan with a spell leaving the words 'semper reveniam ad te' on his arm that will disappear when they see each other again or if benny dies.

[mostfuckableffvillain]

Round 3 - Eliminations

It's a sad day for the dragon-fuckers as we say goodbye to Zenos yae Galvus, Cloud of Darkness, Elgo, Lilith, Cid Raines, Midgardsormr, Ravus Nox Fleuret, and Nidhogg! You had a good run, but, unfortunately, the train stops here.

Congratulations to Emet-Selch, Jihl Nabaat, Luzaf, Kuja, Ysayle Dangoulain, Kain Highwind, Elidibus, and Tseng of the Turks! We look forward to seeing you in Round 4!

If you'd like to know why these baddies were nominated, please, click below!

Zenos yae Galvus: >He considers you his only friend and wants to fight you soooo bad he's almost horny for it. Could probably slop him up real good >He's an obsessive broken shell of a man. Also I want to eat whatever's happening with his gender. >i personally hate the character, but i'm sure his fanbase would love to explain this to you ad nauseam >Better hair care regimen than Sephiroth. >Asks you to fuck(fight maybe? Idk anymore) him every time you meet him. >he thinks YOURE the most fuckable. crazy bitch. just when you think youve hit rock bottom you want to fuck a blond guy >Luke Allen Gale's voice acting >His speeches are just… peak thirst??? And I am here for it. https://www.google.com/amp/s/z-e-n-o-s.tumblr.com/post/165321246781/addicted-to-darkness-so-i-found-this-in-the/amp >Not only is he a giant tall prettyboy with long hair (mandatory for any decent FF villain) he can turn into a big old Shinryu in the right circumstances so he's not only ideal for men enjoyers but monsterfuckers too. Also the mascara game hellooooo no contest from any other man in this series. He's also just a little crazy which kind of adds to the fuckability. >Yandere, also, just look at him >👅👌👌 >BIG tall, obsessed with player character, eyeliner on point

Cloud of Darkness: >Mean. Indifferent to me. As soon kill me as look at me. Tentacles. >Mommy with pet tentacles, I wanna explore that void and be consumed

Cid Raines: >hggghhh I have a weakness for pretty boys

Midgardsormr: >Big dragon who is an amazing dad pretty sure he’s considered a villain at some point

Ravus Nox Fleuret: >Actually, nobody nominated Ravus. I added him because I was at 127 and needed one more. So he got pretty far all things considered!

Nidhogg: >He’s a giant fuck you dragon with a reasonable motive but lost sight of it. >…well, the dragons are sweeping the FF14 fuckable men AND women polls, so… >I've got no explanation for this one I'm just a bit of a monsterfucker. His voice is really sexy tho.

[yuukei-yikes]

I only know bits and pieces of kagepro but I really like the characters. i do have a question though, is there any sort of ending where they’re all (or most of them are) alive and happy? 😭

UM. YA!!!!!!!!!!!! DUUUH!!!!!!!!!!! summertime record BITCH!!!! sorry. i got excited. BUT SUMMERTIME RECORD BITCH. *shakes you*

as u know every piece of media represents a different route, 2 of which have happy endings. well. listen. there's like undetermined amount of routes(?) so this is definitely not a good precise number, but "main" routes we've seen explored are probably about 6 (manga with 2 routes, then novels, anime (maybe this counts for 2 if we count the in a days episode? lol), and music has also at least 2 one being route xxx The Big Bad) but again its an unprecise number and it's said the reset has happened like hundreds of times so out of the 2 good endings we know, there's like 100 more where the dan dies. LOL!! anyways for ur question: music route - everyone survives except ayano and hiyori. the mekakushi dan gets their happy ending even if those 2 dont make it anime route - EVERYONE!!! including ayano and hiyori!! survive!! it is objectively the worst most disliked adaptation and the fact that its the one to get the job done is as infuriating as it is incredibly on brand. forces all of us to acknowledge it bc it gave us what we wanted lol. bc of this the anime ending is considered the "true" good ending. that's where the only post str content we've gotten is set (there's also a rly short comic abt some photo contest thing that was going on where the yuukei quartet hang out as well. maybe the 2019 popularity poll comic also counts bc it features post str haruka? all are by sayuki btw. but for OFFICIAL content i rly only count the lost day hour comic *kisses it and tucks it in bed*) btw when i say "post str" that is the kageway to say "happy ending route everyone's hanging out and being best friends" LMAO a lot of fan content is set in this, my content included lol so youve probably seen the term a lot so.... yeah!! the mekakushi dan does get a happy ending in at least 2 different routes <3 and in my opinion, many more. if we have 100 bad and at least 2 good who’s to say there’s not any more good ones there lol

[fruity-phrog]

hey love i am supposed to be asleep but i have been thinking of tragic relationship dynamics

right person wrong time and wrong person right time

a connection with someone who seems perfect for you, but there are extenuating circumstances pulling you apart, leaving the potential unrealized

and the other is something people usually think of being ready for a relationship but doing so with the wrong person but it can also be so much more complicated than that

instead of having too much love to keep for yourself and not having the proper person to give it what of it was having someone who is bad for you having someone who under any other circumstance under any other period of your life it wouldn't work out

but just because they met you at this time it did, they aren't generally made for you, you two aren't generally perfect, but the pressure of the circumstances youve been forced in made things just right for something that normally wouldn't happen and be good for you happen, like coal to a diamond

or like the perfect conditions for mold, for rot, infestation, a mismatch that fit just right only because of what the horrors have turned you into, and considering how that dynamic was only possible due to that state you were in

it's either someone who knows they have to let go and does, or someone who tries ti keep you in that state just so they wouldn't have to, not realizing how much they're hurting you in the meanwhile or do realizing it but thinking it's worth it

someone who makes you feel alive when can't otherwise someone who helps in the moment but who long term ultimately either holds the other person back or leaves the other person in order to keep them from doing so

1 step forward a different step back, just because you know someone when they're in pain doesn't inherently mean you actually know them etc etc

also known as i am having thoughts about ctntduo ctubbo grief and narrative conceptd and am therefire taking bits and pieces from concepts and writing sad poetry about it

Yeah have you been reading fanfics my love? Either way, you seem to capture such perfect senarios immaculately. Somehow, that description was both emotional and academic, working perfectly. And it hits. The idea of meeting the person you know is perfect for you, but you aren't perfect for them. Or the idea of meeting what seems to be a perfectly okay individual right when you are excited to date once more, only for them to be lost to darkness and perhaps drag you with them.