#bad news is I haven’t been able to focus for shit today

[nympho-brainiac]

“Waaay out in the water, see it swimmin’”

[thehereticdiaries]

A (Not So) Meet Cute: Chapter Three

Chapter Summary: You're beginning to fall into a new routine with the members of Stray Kids. A phone call from the police stops you dead in your tracks.

Warnings: Descriptions of stalking, reader has a ton of anxiety (rightfully so), cops

Series Masterlist

A/N: will my MCs ever find peace? probably not.

When you woke up the next morning, you doubted that Seungmin would actually walk you to work. After all, why would he wake up early just to be your escort? You went through your routine as usual, making sure to double and triple check that your phone was charged and the charger was in your bag before heading out.

“Morning.” You jumped as you exited your apartment building. Holy shit, Seungmin was really waiting for you. He leaned against the back of a bench across from the entrance, eyebrow quirked in amusement. He wore a mask again today, but went without a hat.

“Oh my god, Seungmin, you didn’t have to get up early just to walk me to work.” You held your elbow in your hand, feeling guilty for burdening the idol. 

“I know I didn’t have to. I wanted to.” The corners of Seungmin’s eyes crinkled and he stood properly to brush his knuckles across your cheek. You gaped at him, suddenly feeling warm despite the cool autumn breeze. 

“Oh, um, okay. If you’re sure. The bus stop is this way.” You led the way to your usual stop, the bus arriving not long after you. The commute honestly wasn’t bad, yesterday had been a fluke. 

“I haven’t been on a public bus in years,” Seungmin mentioned as you found open seats. You raised your eyebrows.

“Really? I guess that makes sense, though. It’s safer for you to have a driver.” You could only assume that being on public transport had too much risk of being recognized.

“Technically, I’m not allowed to use buses.” 

“Are you going to get in trouble because of this?!” You scolded with a glare. Seungmin shrugged in response, completely unbothered with his little act of rebellion. You shook your head, turning back to your phone to scroll on Instagram for a bit. You angled your phone toward Seungmin when you noticed him looking over your shoulder. Fifteen minutes and four stops later, you stepped off the bus and made the final ten minute walk to the bookstore.

“I’ll be back later to walk you home,” Seungmin said as he held the door open for you.

“But-”

“No ‘buts’, see you later.” He nudged you into the store and went back the way you had come from. You were left baffled once again, but pushed it aside to focus on your shift.

Over the next week, every member of Stray Kids walked with you to and from work. Seungmin showed up the most out of everyone. It felt like overkill, but they wouldn’t accept any arguments from you. Today’s shift dragged on with how little there was to do. Everything was clean and stocked, there were hardly ten customers in the 3 hours since your shift started, and you’ve closed and reopened TikTok at least five times. The soft classical music playing over the store radio threatened to lull you to sleep. You were jolted out of your stupor by your phone buzzing on the counter.

“Hello?”

“Good afternoon, this is Officer Jeong. May I speak to Ms. Y/N L/N?” A serious-sounding man asked curtly.

“This is she.”

“Ah, hello Ms. L/N. I am calling on behalf of Detective Keng. She has some new information regarding your case and would like to call you today to discuss,” Officer Jeong explained. 

“Oh! Of course, I finish work at 3pm and should be home around 3:30,” you told the officer. He hummed, keys clicking swiftly in the background.

“That should work perfectly. Detective Keng will be finished with a meeting at 4pm, so she will be able to call shortly afterward.” You quickly wrote down the detective’s name and the time she’d be calling on a sticky note.

“Okay, thank you for letting me know, Officer.” You exchanged polite goodbyes and hung up. Cool, now that you were incredibly anxious, the next three hours of your shift should go by much more quickly.

You predicted correctly. After finishing the call with Officer Jeong, the afternoon flew by in a blur and soon enough Seungmin appeared to walk you home. You told him about the upcoming phone call and your subsequent anxiety while you sat on the bus.

“Do you want me to stay for the call?” Seungmin offered, albeit a little hesitantly.

“Honestly, that would be really nice. Are you sure, though? You sounded kinda nervous.”

“I’m sure. I just haven’t been in your apartment yet and I didn’t want to invite myself in, y’know?” He assured with a smile hidden behind his mask. Back at your apartment, Seungmin sat on your loveseat, watching you pace around your kitchen. He tried to get you to sit down and relax while you waited for the detective’s call, but you needed to do something to release your pent-up anxiety. Why didn’t Officer Jeong tell you if it was good news or bad news?! Finally, finally your phone rang. You rushed to sit next to Seungmin as you put the call on speaker.

“Hi, is this Y/N L/N?” A woman’s voice asked.

“Yes, I’m assuming this is Detective Keng?” 

“It is, I see Officer Jeong was able to talk to you earlier. I’ve been looking into Cho Siwoo, the man that harassed you, and I’ve found some information that may be disturbing to you,” Detective Keng stated. A pit of worry gnawed at your stomach.

“Before you continue, I have a friend with me. Is it okay if he listens to our conversation?” You were terrified of having to deal with this alone.

“That’s quite alright.” You sighed quietly in relief. “Now, Mr. Cho has been living with a friend for several months. We interviewed his friend, and searched the apartment. Ms. L/N, it appears that he has been following you far longer than we expected.”

“What?” An icy chill creeped its way into your bloodstream. Seungmin scooted slightly closer to you, resting a hand on your knee. 

“He has photos printed of you in a Ziploc bag amongst his other belongings. Some of these photos date back to April.” 

“Bu-but it’s October now,” you stammered. Seungmin tightened his grip on your knee, but you moved his hand to hold in your own. 

“I’m very sorry to tell you this, Ms. L/N, but he’s been watching for a very long time. There aren’t any photos of the inside of your apartment, nor any of you in compromising positions. But we’ve found that Mr. Cho has a reputation, and with that comes respect from others on the street.”

“What does that mean, exactly?” Seungmin interrupted. Detective Keng sighed tiredly, which only made you more nervous.

“It means that he has access to information. Ms. L/N, do you have somewhere you can stay for the time being? I’m afraid your apartment isn’t safe at the moment, not until we’re able to confirm who all of Mr. Cho’s associates are.” Panicked tears fell down your cheeks. You didn’t have anywhere else to go, all you had was this apartment. The closest family member to you was still at least three hours away. You couldn’t just leave.

“Yes, ma’am, she does,” Seungmin answered in your silence. You stared at him, wide-eyed, but he kept his gaze fixed on your phone. 

“Good. I’ll need the address. I would advise against walking anywhere alone for now. I promise you, I will make sure you and your home are safe again,” Detective Keng assured. The sharp edge to her voice confirmed her commitment. She gave you the number for her work phone, should you need anything, then ended the call. A sob wracked your body. Seungmin pulled you so you sat between his legs, both legs over one of his knees, and wrapped you tightly in his arms. You trembled violently in his hold.

“Why did you tell her I have somewhere to stay?! I hardly have friends in this city and my family is hours away, and I can’t afford–”

“Y/N,” Seungmin cut off your rambling, holding your face in his hands and forcing your eyes to meet his. “You’re staying with us.”

“What? No, Seungmin, I can’t ask you to do that.”

“Good thing you’re not asking. I’m telling you, you can stay with us,” he insisted. 

“Have you even asked the others about this? Even if you say I can, what if they say no?” Seungmin rolled his eyes, pulling out his phone and starting a call on speaker.

“Hey, is everything alright? You’re normally back by now,” Chan answered after a few rings. 

“No, actually, a detective called Y/N about her case. That guy’s been stalking her for months, Chan. Her apartment isn’t safe.” You bit your lip, tears still streaming silently down your face. Seungmin guided your head to rest on his shoulder and exhaustion washed over you.

“Holy shit, are you serious?” You could hear the others shouting in the background. “Guys, please, I need you to be quiet. This is important.”

“I wish I was joking. The detective said she should stay somewhere else while they continue their investigation. Thing is, she doesn’t have any family close by.” He was baiting Chan and he only felt slightly guilty about it.

“She can stay with us,” the leader offered without hesitation. 

“That’s what I told her. You believe me now?” Seungmin directed the question at you. 

“Wait, am I on speaker? Y/N, I promise no one would have an issue with you staying here,” Chan confirmed. You hated that you were being such a burden to them. They have enough on their plate as-is. But you didn’t have much of a choice.

“Okay,” you whimpered in a voice so tiny, it squeezed at the hearts of both Chan and Seungmin.

“We’re gonna get some stuff packed for her, then head over. I’ll call for a car.” 

“Good, I’ll see you both soon.” Chan hummed in acknowledgement. “And Y/N? I know what you’re thinking. You are not a burden.” You inhaled sharply, digging yourself further into Seungmin’s neck. He ended the call after another hasty goodbye.

For the next few minutes, you sat in silence to stave off your impending panic attack. Seungmin's chest vibrated as he quietly hummed the melody to Stars and Raindrops. You repeated the grounding exercise that Jisung showed you several times in your head. Now, with your panic dampened down to a nagging anxiety, you were suddenly very aware of the position of Seungmin’s hands. With the thumb of his left hand, he rubbed soothing circles on the nape of your neck, and his right sat patiently on your thigh. 

“I’ll grab a suitcase,” you muttered, hoping your hair hid your reddened face as you moved to your room. Unfortunately for you, Seungmin was a very observant man. He smirked, but chose not to say anything. He offered to help you pack and you immediately refused. Your soul would have literally left your body if he accidentally caught a glimpse of your underwear. You rolled your suitcase and duffle bag into the living room once you finished, pausing to sling your bag across your shoulder.

“I called Dohyun, he should be here soon.” Seungmin stood and plucked your duffle bag from your hand. “Let’s get down to the garage.” The car pulled up right as you stepped out of the elevator. Dohyun tossed you a sympathetic smile after you slid into the backseat. Seungmin sat next to you and nodded to Dohyun, who promptly began the drive back to the dorm.

All of the Stray Kids members have seen your apartment, but this was the first time you’ve been to their dorm. Honestly? It was much cleaner than you anticipated, considering eight young men lived here. Actually, the furniture and decor were really stylish. Jisung and Chan were the only ones in the living room. The leader stood to help with your luggage but paused when he noticed your red, puffy eyes. 

“I’m so sorry this is happening to you.” Chan wrapped you in a firm, comforting hug. You gripped the back of his t-shirt to ground yourself and fight back a fresh onslaught of tears. “Is there anything you need right now?”

“I just really want to take a nap.” You reluctantly pulled back so he could guide you to the couch. You allowed Jisung to bring your head to lay on his lap. He carded his fingers through your hair and the tension slowly melted from your body. You vaguely felt a second pair of hands tuck a fluffy blanket around you before succumbing to sleep.

Permanent Taglist: @furfoxsake22 @babygirlskz98 @miniverse-zen @holly-here

Series Taglist: Open, send an ask or comment to be added!

[late-to-the-party-81]

One of the guys

AN: Yet another ask that's been a long time in the answering. My new year's resolution is to be quicker with these things! Hope you like some baffled Bucky, Em.

Unbeta'd ramblings

Masterlist

Relationship: Bucky x Reader

Word Count: Approx 700

CW: None - it's Fluff

“So, if you really want to compare the Mark 3 and the Mark 4, you gotta look at the injectors, because more efficient fuel transference means more horsepower…”

Your friend Rory was chatting to Bucky about his favourite subject. Cars. Bucky was trying not to let his eyes glaze over.

“Do you think we ought to rescue him?” You leant over, and stage-whispered into Kate’s ear. The dark-haired archer covered her giggle with her hand, but both of you caught Bucky’s slight side glance toward where you were both sitting, enjoying your cocktails. 

You’d decided to hold a cook-out for your birthday so there was a mix of all of your old friends, and all of the new friends you’d made through Bucky.

Growing up you’d had more male friends than female, a cabal of honorary brothers, so you’d always known that when you finally settled down your boys would have to at least partially haze your chosen partner, and then once accepted he would be absorbed into their group, whether he wanted to be or not.

‘Love me, love my bros.’

When you’d first introduced them to Bucky they’d been sceptical. You couldn’t blame them. Firstly, he was actually the only boyfriend you’d made ‘run the gauntlet’ so they knew you were serious. Secondly, it was James ‘Bucky’ Barnes. A man born in 1917, held hostage, tortured and brainwashed into committing heinous crimes for decades, before breaking free, becoming a fugitive, and then, finally being deprogrammed and pardoned. There was a lot to unpack there.

However, it seemed that he’d passed whatever test they’d put him through, because as soon as they’d arrived today, Rory, Jerome, Lee and the others stumbling out of an SUV, they’d practically kidnapped Bucky away from you and the rest of the Avengers.

And bless your guys, it was sweet. They wanted to include Bucky in all of their conversations about cars, computers, hockey and football. He could join in, obviously. He wasn’t completely clueless about those topics, but having grown up in the Great Depression, those sorts of things hadn’t been the focus of his youth. A different time, a different place.

“I saw a flying car once.”

“Bro! Really?” Rory stopped his rambling at Bucky’s statement and you felt the smile creep over your lips.

“Yeah, the 1944 World Expo. Howard Stark was showing off the car of the future. It was shiny and red. Oh I wanted a car like that, so bad, even if the prototype had a few bugs.  Still pissed when I found out that neither Howard or Tony had been able to make it a reality.”

“So this Expo was full of, like, futuristic shit?”

You watched them over your sunglasses, the boys all leaning in now, hanging on Bucky’s every word.

“Well, for 1944 it was definitely futuristic. But if you really want to talk futuristic, you gotta know about some of the tech they have in Wakanda.”

For emphasis, Bucky straightened out his left arm, wiggling his fingers and your friend’s mouths all dropped open as they watched the plates shift and heard the servos whir.

“You gotta tell us about Wakanda, man.” Jerome pushed himself slightly forward. “I can’t believe you’re tight with the royal family. Is Princess Shuri as hot in real life?”

Uh-oh. You winced internally. Bucky just raised an eyebrow, before speaking again.

“You know how you guys feel about Angel-face over there? About how if I’d disrespected her you’d all try to take me apart? Well that’s how I feel about Shuri. So you wanna ask me another question?”

Jerome had the good grace to look embarrassed and suddenly find a burning interest in his shoes. There was an awkward silence for a moment, before Lee leant forward.

“They’ve got some kind of Mag-lev trains haven’t they? Faster than the Japanese ones?”

You let out the breath you’d hadn’t even realised you’d been holding, as Bucky’s mouth broke into a broad grin. 

“Anyone got a pen and paper. I’m gonna need to do some visual aids for you chumps.”

They all broke out into peels of laughter and you turned back to Kate.

“Scratch that. I think he’s gonna be just fine.”

Taglist: @christywantspizza @jobean12-blog @bucky-bucky-bucky-bucky @tuiccim @sidepartskinnyjeans @maladaptivexxdaydreaming @krissy25 @bodeckersdiamonddoll @goldylions @ohsymphony @luxeavenger @wheezy-stucky @doasyoudesireandlive @seitmai @poppunksnowwhite

[akookminsupporter]

Unrelated to anything just late night thoughts. I’ve been into bts for a while now, and it has always been about them for me. Obviously while watching their content I’ve gotten to know more about their culture and stuff, but I’ve never really delved further into the Korean culture nor the k-pop world, something that now I wish I had since I think it makes you look at things differently and more clearly. I mean, the k-pop world is as fucked up as any other music industry in any other country, even if it doesn’t seem like it at first glance, which makes me appreciate bts even more for whom they’ve come to be in an industry that’s very… constructed and harsh (to put it nicely). And not only that, but also for the fact that it’s thanks to them and other artists like them that the new generation of groups Can more easily navigate that world and be more open/honest, with themselves and with their fans (to some extent). These thoughts honestly came to me as a chain of events. I had just finished the Netflix show “Beef” (watch it if you haven’t is really good), and one of the main characters is a Korean male, and in one of the episodes there’s a suicide reference, and after finishing the series I don’t know why I wanted to check what was the suicide rate in Korea and oh boy… I wasn’t expecting it to be so bad but honestly I’m not that surprised either. But again, these are the things you don’t see when you just focus on the good stuff I guess. When looking at the suicide data I came across some idol suicides and I… it just really got to me. I mean, I was just watching a Jimin v-log from 2018 when he was reflecting about losing himself, the members having all their own issues and some feelings of the band loosing their focus — a v-log uploaded just a couple of months after Shinee member Jonghyun had committed suicide, an event that I know/feel that had some sort of effect on the band too. The stuff that happens around us, in our environment and in our social groups, even if these aren’t things directly linked to us, they can affect us, and the boys aren’t the exemption of that. I know the boys have said in the past that they try to show us their good parts, because they want to make us happy, and even though I appreciate that, I really wish and hope they aren’t suffering too much in silence. There is too much hate in this world, and there is too much hate online. Too much unnecessary shit honestly. All that mess and hate about fandoms is just ridiculous and harmful, specially if you don’t know what a person is going through behind their public image. And coming here to tumblr and seeing the back and forth between accounts is also so pointless. I know this post is all over the place but I guess that’s exactly how I was feeling rn and I just wanted to let it out. We need more love and understanding in this world. Wish you and your fam are doing fine Rosie 🫰🏼.

Although I usually answer the Asks I receive almost immediately, those that I want to post, of course, sometimes there are some that, although I know I want to post or answer, I don't do it immediately. Sometimes because I want to take some time to be able to answer correctly, other times I don't do it because, although I know what I want to say, I don't know how to organise it or translate it into English. I struggle a lot of times. This was one of those Asks.

When I read it for the first time I was answering or giving my opinion about each line written, but I was doing it in Spanish and I couldn't translate it correctly into English so I said, I'll post it later. The truth is that I really forgot what the ask said, but I knew I wanted to post it and I decided to do it now; when I reread it I stopped for a few seconds because the Ask is almost perfect for a day like today, after the news about Moonbin.

Korean society is particular, we could say, but it is too demanding, ruthless almost. The kpop industry is even more so. And I think as certain groups break barriers outside of Korea, the pressure on others increases as if the pressure isn't high enough already. One of the things I appreciate about bts and their agency is that they seem to have always had a certain freedom to express themselves in their music. Many of their songs are critical of the society they live in, about self-love, sadness and so on. Yoongi, for example, has always been a bit more open about those kinds of issues, but not everyone has that luxury.

The kpop community in general is toxic. They see these artists as machines, as puppets almost, who have to act the way they want to perform. And it's not easy. In a way, the human part of the Idol is lost or in some cases seems to be lost.

With the boom in the consumption of everything that has to do with Korea, the other side of that country has also come to light. Of that society. Of that industry. It's almost too easy to find Koreans on social media saying everything is not like kdramas and that living in Korea is hard. The standards of everything are very high. Many people who have decided to move there because they bought into the "illusion" have found it to be the worst.

And as far as I know, it's not just the entertainment industry. Normal life is difficult. The academic pressure on all young people in Korea is high. Depressing. Extremely demanding. The same goes for work and social pressure. That's why suicide rates are so high. And the fact that it's such a conservative society doesn't allow anything to be done to change a bit. Mental health is taboo in Korea, much more so than in other countries, I think. Or at least that's what I've read. And it's horrible.

Social media or the internet really is perhaps one of the worst double-edged weapons that humans have created. The anonymity that many sites or apps allow has given certain "internet warriors" the power to spread hate. With virtually no consequences. And it is sad and frightening. The smarter or more advanced our electronic devices become, the more dehumanised we become. Empathy and respect are rare traits these days.

I think the least we could do as human beings is to respect more but nowadays doing the simplest things has become the most difficult things ever.

[mariacallous]

I spent some time on the subway trying to decompress from work and also trying to pinpoint what my specific frustrations are with work.

I actually left earlier then I normally do today because I just couldn’t be there anymore (and both the overall team director and my supervisor weren’t in the office at that point) which helped a bit, especially since we had finally, finally, finally finished getting all the feedback and making the edits and updates to this one project and sent the proposed final draft and got a response with two minor changes (which could and should have been asked for earlier but whatever) which I made and then resent.

Anyway, during those 45ish minutes on the subway, here’s what I realized/concluded:

-There have been so many shifts and changes and adjustments that have had to been made across the board with work that it’s hard to find or maintain and equilibrium. I have no problem being flexible, but I’m also not Elastigirl and it also takes time to adjust and shift mentally and emotionally.

-A lot of the projects I’m supposed to be sort of taking the lead or being point on either keep getting postponed or delayed or pushed back in addition to shifts and changes and whatnot, and other ones get placed on hold so there’s a sort of scrambling to figure out what I can and should focus on and what I need to pause working on. And having to stop what’s being worked on to immediately address some new feedback or requests from higher up add to that.

-Relatedly, a lot of projects are very dependent on other people reacting or responding or contributing and so there’s either constant checking in and asking for things or things getting cancelled and needing to be rescheduled. For example, one of the senior leadership we’ve been trying to meet with for like 3-4 weeks now and every time realizes there’s a conflict with the new proposed time and so it gets pushed off to the next week or so (when they finally respond, that is). This member of leadership is also in the division with some of the biggest capacity and staffing and process issues and the meeting is specifically about us working with them and their team(s) to try to address those exact problems which makes it even more frustrating.

-People keep waiting or delaying things in order to get things as perfect and the people gathered as full as possible, so that even if there’s a meeting where 6-7 of the 10 people total invited are available, with two particular people not being available throws it off to needing to reschedule. And that group of 10 was expanded (not by me but by people forwarding the meeting invite to others not intended or expected) so that the actual core group of people needed are all available.

-Some group projects I’ve been working on have not been prioritized or fully worked by other people compared to the work I’ve put in, and so things we’ve been trying to complete with them haven’t been able to happen (like submission by specific deadlines or having specific milestones met re: work progress) and I’ve also stepped up more and done more with these projects because of that so I’m even more resentful and irritated. Combined with the fact that there was little guidance or structure provided with many of them to begin with and how much they’ve morphed and grown, and it’s made me lose a lot of enthusiasm and engagement.

-Both my supervisor and the overall team director can work remotely but it’s hit or miss if they remember to let people know in advance (the overall director is really bad about that) and so meetings or presentations that were scheduled for in-person have to be either shifted to factor in remote capability or moved to another day and time. And the amount of checking in or updates or work that gets done decreases and responses are difficult to get, regardless of whether they’re emailed or sent via teams chat. Additionally, if I’m the only person on my team in the office, people come to me about shit that at least half the time I can’t answer or address or don’t know anything about.

-People overbook themselves or get pulled into meetings and requests, either intentionally or inadvertently, but it means that things take forever to happen and a huge amount of time is spent having to juggle and balance schedules and people are hesitant to meet or discuss things if such-and-such a person isn’t present, even if the purpose of the meeting is to just discuss and prepare for a future meeting or next steps where such-and-such can be included or is available. Literally every time I have to schedule something it’s a minimum of 10 minutes looking for available times and keeping a particular timeframe or deadline in mind.

Anyway, those are the frustrations and disappointments. My next steps are to figure out how to adapt and not get too irritated and to seek equilibrium.

[evelyne-am]

24th March

Day 11

I am the worst, last night before Ramadan I did my fair share of partying. Barely did any work (actually I didn’t do any), stayed up sort of late again, and woke up feeling like absolute shit. Dragged myself to rehearsal today. It's the first day of Ramadan. I really wanted to fast but I told myself that I will see how it goes during rehearsals, if I really need water I will drink it but today I was 100% sure there was no way I could fast. I was fairly Sleep deprived for fourth day in a row and dehydrated. Maybe not in so many details, but I got called out on it. (When I arrived I had gone early so I could work on the little bit of the song that I had left to compose, but I see that on Fridays the admin people do not come early to let us in; so in front of Sir I was struggling for notes I made something on the spot and of course he understood). It was a backhanded compliment actually, everyone has kind of been drooping especially now that we have a more choreography based play, the fourth version that I think is now pretty much the final. but Sir says, Armeen was the one working hardest, and even she has lost it. I feel a bit shit. What is wrong with you Armeen why are you losing your focus after seven days only ?. This is exactly what you wanted in your life: a fully consumed fully immersed purpose that goes beyond fame and recognition and all other things. The Grammy involvement m, the post pandemic gigs, it was all amazing, but it requires someone very centred and focused to deal with that level of being out there. And I was not at all centred and focused. That is my goal for the year to be more ready for when big and little things happen and this is exactly what I wanted. But my old self who is a bit used to indulging is giving in. Rehearsal went okay, we’re in the Friday room, the small room. But today it doesn’t feel that bad. Sir actually went to a meeting for the second half mostly, so I guess there’s a bit of breathing space for us to correct things without fear. We improvised a whole new scene before he came and he seemed okay with it. Lots of choreography to remember, I can’t tell you how much I’m loving the choreography. doing physical things with my body is really something I enjoy, I don’t get to do it that much through music because I’m so focused on the voice in my head and remembering lyrics and music tunes, but there is something about physically remembering your cues in your physical role in a visual thing which is so new for me and I love it so much. We haven’t done our physical exercises in awhile, and today sir Did tell us that our posture and awareness are drooping so we did a little bit again. The team complains to me about my drinking diet Cokes in the break. And I say I don’t even like it I actually despise the taste of Diet Coke but is the only bit of caffeine that I can actually ingest in my body because I don’t do coffee and I don’t have time to make cup of tea. The breaks are so short and these days getting shorter as I have tasks to do before I go for my bit of fresh air. I’m just about to get up and walk about the field (Fridays we rehearse in the ground floor room in another building so break time is right next to the field of ShilpokolA) when Sharm hands me a cup of tea she made for me. That gesture melts my heart

We are very slowly progressing through the play but everything is having unique music and the director looks at me at the end when I apologise for not having prepared this song he told me to. He says that’s okay he took a day, you will work tonight yes, I say yes of course.

I’ve already planned a small personal life social thing, and I really want to do it so I quickly get myself up so that I am able to pull through the night. I did a really long walk at the park and even took a 10 minute swim and hairdo. Took a nap and towards the end of the night I’ve got a few of the technical work things done. I still have not done anything majorly creative of my own accord. And I plan that I want to have more space to do that, my weekend i.e. my Sunday night and Monday day I thought I would do social thing, but I’ve already done them this week so I decide to keep it open, I have Coca-Cola on Saturday so Sunday and Monday I will work a bit more on the music. i’m still sleeping really late and waking up barely in time for rehearsal, not that healthy but for some reason my body is getting used to it and I’m not struggling as much as I did before. But I’m really glad it’s Ramadan, it puts me in a mood, and I attempt to actually do a water fast tomorrow which means I only drink water and nothing else. Thanks for reading daily, I know it’s a lot of mundane things. I think I will try to summarise once a week too.

[kdipshit]

Trying ;

A different part of me shows up depending on who I’m speaking to, strangers don’t even get the same version of me, yanno that version on you when you meet someone new? I change my personality based on the initial energy I feel. I’m shy sometimes, I’m out the gate other times. It really just DEPENDS. who am I? Well I’m not one thing, I’m a combination of hundreds of thousands of little things, I’m not uniform, I actually don’t have a clue how to start explaining myself, this is the shit I do, I just wrote a cover letter for a job, like a specific job, because I guess I really want it, having a job gives me anxiety issues, but I haven’t had any anxiety issues since not being at work, hmmmmmm, like duh work gives me anxiety, but I have been working on my anxiety, and taking this god damn pills every damn day, I am happy to take them, by the way. I do truely feel like I can take on this job, casually, not crazy hours, super close to home still, I can walk, I’m happy to walk, I’m in my walking girl phase anyways, like its still good to get something off my daily to do list, I slacked off today, I think I got discouraged because I woke up super late even though I set an alarm, It wa like instant failure and bad day, I’ve already missed the morning so why do my Me+ yang, and I said no, I should still do my morning routine even though I woke up late, and I did, and I’m so grateful that I did because I didn’t fall into the trap, I did what I said I was going to do every morning, because it helps my mental health status.

Being fit genuinely makes you pretty, it evens out your skin tone, tightens your skin and like you just look sooooo pretty, I need to be more fit, I don’t have any excuses not to, I’m trying to learn how to do the things I don’t want to do even when I don’t want to do it, prepping me for bigger things in life like going to work when I don’t want to lmao, it’s all connected, and I’m still learning. Until I can accept to have to do the things I don’t want to, I’ll continue to do them, no matter how I feel. Well that’s what I hope I do, but I don’t think I’ll be able to do it without constantly writing about it, other wise it just get tangled up in all the other mess…. My main focus remains to slowly unravel, and just all round slow the fuck down, mentally, my thinking needs management and direction, it’s a mess. But I’m doing the messy work, and I’m okay with that, because it just is, and I have to be. I shouldn’t tourture myself though, with doing things I don’t want to do all day long, but just recognising, that things need to be done, no matter how I feel about it. How I feel about it, is irrelevant to the bigger picture, its only when I focus on what the problem should be, is there ever an issue. i am not my feelings and they come and go just as thoughts do.

I caught a glimpse and I’m going after it, no matter how I feel, I’m so grateful for the version of myself I am today, thanks to the many yesterdays, i swear I change faster than one of those skin changer lizards lol, I feel on cloud 9, I’m happy despite all the crazy noise below me, I can breath despite all the chatter, I can sleep no matter how crazy the city traffic is. The moment I say no to doing something that is benefiting me, it turns on the switch to spiral me back down to old ways of thinking, and that’s exactly where we’re trying to a avoid, and may I just say how fucking proud I am of myself, I’ve kept up with my morning routine for like a solid couple weeks, I’ve kept my room clean, I’ve made my bed every morning which is something I’ve never done, I’ve just never cared for making my bed coz I was always in it lmao, and my mum made my bed when I was a kid, I’ve eaten every day, I’ve taken my pills at the same time, I’ve gotten my sleep schedule on lock, I’m literally out like a light by 10pm WHO AM I ???? I’m up by 8-9 which is okay but I’d like to get up at 7am, don’t ask me why, I don’t know, I just love the number 7, plus I’m the luckiest girl in the universe and all that cute jazz. I write every single day like this is a HUGE streak for me, I’m very very proud of myself, I think seeing the streak of my non drinking (7months 29days btw) really motivated me in a way that made me feel capable to streak other good things in my life. Like seeing a meter of my success lmao, not that I need it, it’s just good to have a quick look and be grateful to be able to stand here today. It has not been an easy road, in fact it’s the hardest road I’ve ever had to go down, but I don’t care how hard it is, I can do this. I don’t know what it is I’m doing, but I’m fucking doing it and I’m doing it to the best of my ability, I’m achieving my own trust by consistently standing beside myself, no matter what, by showing up for myself, for putting the thoughts and feelings aside and pushing thru. healthy coping mechanisms have slowly implemented themselves into my life due to my constant effort. I’m not perfect, I’m a rough cut, but I’m getting there, and that’s by doing this shit every single day. Alone. Most importantly.

[talenlee]

Prototype 22.12 — The Wrapup

New Post has been published on PRESS.exe: Prototype 22.12 — The Wrapup

Well, time to take a loss.

Chunk 1

okay what did I actually do in this time. I think the main thing I did was rearrange the templates for each game. I’m still set up to make DrivethruCards card setups for these things – and well, these games aren’t made for that.

I’m gunna have to do something about that in the new year. Maybe make a point of rebuilding my template outset.

Don’t know what happened here, I think I missed something.

Chunk 2

As I write here I know I’m behind the curve, a lot. I think something that affected me a lot more than I thought it should was this transitional period, where the previously extant platform of twitter’s failure and my subsequent seeking alternatives, has really had an impact.

I haven’t known where my audience are looking, but also, I haven’t been doing the things to gather my audience.

Today, on the 20th, I’m going to do some prototyping, and it’s going to be ugly and fast. I need to get stuff done, I need to get the very basics blocked out.

This became a thread on mastodon that I lost track of.

Chunk 3

Well, okay, time to admit it.

As I write this, it is Christmas Morning. 12:48 in the morning. I have gotten basically nothing done for these games. I am unhappy with this, but also, I think that I think it’s very reasonable, now I’m looking at it, for something to have given up in this month.

You gotta wear your losses as well as your wins, I think. Like when I’m up at midnight on Christmas, thinking that I need to make sure the remaining days I have in this month are focused on other work, and it’s CHRISTMAS I may have to accept that some of the things I do aren’t going to get done.

I dunno, is it silly to be sitting here at Christmas morning thinking ‘shit, I have work to get done today?’ I think that’s a reasonable sign that I don’t have the time in this month to get time to sit down and do graphic design that’ll get meaningfully resolved in the next four days.

Part of it is the destruction of twitter as a space I can feel comfortable creating. I definitely need what Mastodon offered, but also, Mastodon is reaction-light. I’ve got to focus on that space as practice, and I’m willing to see the way this kind of month of failure as a time when it’s worth looking at what’s different. So, first up:

Chunk 4: Alt Text

This is more or less a thread from Mastodon, replicated.

There’s a thing I’m concerned about with Mastodon that is an unenforced norm, and how as with all things social, it’s predicated on its exclusions. I am not good at doing alt text. I mean I do it all the time when I post here but I also post way less here, because whatever it was I was doing, I feel I ‘have’ to do alt text for it. This means I’m less likely to snapshot-dump-post things here.

This is by no means meant to say ‘alt text is bad’ or ‘people are bad for wanting alt text’ or even ‘alt text being the norm infringes on me, an abled person who doesn’t need the alt text.’ It’s about the real meaningful friction that changes how I relate to the platform.

I don’t know if you know how I tweeted, but I was pretty one-sided; I followed very few people (around 50), and of those people, a lot were mostly muted because I wasn’t paying attention to their timelines. Twitter was, to me, a scratch pad where I could dump notes and thoughts and jokes to work on for later, develop if it got a lot of ♥s and reconsider if someone pointed out an error.

This is not typical behaviour! I am (still) a very antisocial social media user. I think of myself as ‘releasing’ stuff and presenting it to an ‘audience’ which you may absolutely not think of as a way to see you that’s fair!

So when I’m throwing images into tweets (or toots now), in a thread about game design, that’s basically a form of note-taking, a scribbled notebook

and stopping to provide alt text often involves having to determine what, on the design I’m even talking about and how it’s meaningful

This is not to say ‘ugh, I don’t wanna alt text, people who ask me to are bad’ because nobody has done that and I don’t imagine anybody would.

It’s just one of those things that creates the pause and ‘oh, should I Do that here?’ reaction that interrupts the flow and stops Mastodon from feeling like an intuitive replacement tool for a useful purpose

I am thinking about this because I’m gunna give it a shot and see if going back through later and alt-texting things later is going to be a useful practice.

In Summary

Acknowledge the material limits you have. It’s okay to admit failure. I still want to do this, I still want to finish some of these games off. If I hadn’t tried, I wouldn’t be writing this on Christmas morning, admitting to myself that…

Yeah.

Yeah, I couldn’t do this, not in these circumstances.

and that’s okay!

Check it out on PRESS.exe to see it with images and links!

#2022GameProject #GameProject

[praxeus-13]

Secrets

Pairing: Dh!Master x Reader

Word Count: 4900

Summary: The Doctor and the fam are hanging out on the TARDIS one day when they realise they haven’t seen you or The Master all day, none of them quite expect the sight that greets them when they find you.

Warnings: none

A/N: Reader is gender neutral in this. Also yay! I finally have time to write and post! I have a lot of fics planned, so hopefully I’ll be able to find the time to write them over winter break, tho I do have a shit ton of uni work still to do 😅

It was quiet, that wasn’t completely unusual on the TARDIS, but considering the recent addition of The Master to Team TARDIS it had The Doctor on edge. He’d begrudgingly joined them on their adventures after The Doctor had come across him moping about at the edge of a deserted galaxy, The Master hadn’t even been destroying anything, he was just sitting all alone on what he’d called an unimportant planet. The Doctor, of course, had been concerned by his uncharacteristic behaviour and had forced encouraged him to join them aboard the TARDIS. Understandably, her fam had objected, especially after he started to occupy himself by finding as many ways to inconvenience her friends as possible.

It had been eight months since The Master had joined them, and he had yet to stop annoying Graham, Ryan and Yaz - despite the numerous interventions and talks she had had with him about it. Much to The Doctor’s surprise, she never found you complaining about The Master’s antics, though she had suspected that he had developed a bit of a soft spot for you. After all, you had been the first out of her friends to welcome him - probably helped by the fact that you joined the group after The Master revealed himself, and thus only met him eight months back.

Recently The Doctor realised that she’d grown used to this new normal, that she was used to the occasional yelling of her friends after The Master had yet again hid half of their clothes, or simply jump-scared them - often accompanied by The Master’s maniacal laughter. However, she had yet to hear anything like that this morning, not one complaint about missing items from her fam, not one cackle out of The Master, she hadn’t even seen anyone all morning.

It was almost peaceful.

Which definitely meant that something was wrong.

Quickly The Doctor got up, abandoned her tools, and headed in the direction of the kitchen. It was about lunchtime, which meant that her friends would probably be gathered together making food, she just hoped that one of them would have seen The Master. Of course, she’d usually just ask the TARDIS where he was, but the circuits she’d been upgrading were the internal communication circuits, so that was currently out of the question.

“FAM!” The Doctor exclaimed as soon as she rounded the corner, standing dramatically in the doorway to the kitchen.

All of her friends had startled as soon as she appeared, it made her feel bad, but she currently had more pressing matters to focus on.

“Have any of you seen The Master today?!”

“…uh, no?” Ryan was the first to answer, still looking a little shocked from her entrance but trying to play it cool.

Graham took a dramatic sigh before answering, “Not yet luckily.”

“I haven’t either, why’re you asking?” Yaz replied, pausing making her lunch and turning all of her attention to The Doctor.

“It’s quiet, too quiet, and I haven’t seen him since last night. Which most likely means that he’s up to something.”

Graham groaned, “Why do we have to assume he’s up to something? Can’t we at least wait until after lunch to assume he’s doing something evil?”

The Doctor simply gave him a look, causing him to groan again, though he put his sandwich down. However she was quickly distracted by a nagging feeling in the back of her mind, she was missing something, something obvious. She looked back at her friends, and then she realised.

“Where’s Y/N?”

Her friends seemed to only notice your absence once it was pointed out, all looking around the room before looking back at The Doctor with blank faces.

“I haven’t seen them since last night.” Yaz told her.

“Me neither.” Ryan and Graham agreed with her.

Suddenly The Doctor felt a sinking feeling in her stomach. You were clearly The Master’s favourite out of the fam, what if he’d done something to you? Naively, The Doctor had hoped he was developing a soft spot for you - but what if it was simply an obsession? What if this had been his plan all along, to get close enough to harm you?

The fam seemed to come to a similar conclusion, horror dawning on all their faces.

“You don’t think-“

The Doctor didn’t give Ryan an answer, just turned around and ran through the TARDIS halls. She’d been at the TARDIS console most of the night, so at least she knew the two of you were still on board. Her first instinct was to head to the library, both you and The Master spent a fair amount of time there, it would have been the perfect place for an ambush.

The Doctor slowed once she entered the library, and she could hear the footsteps of her fam slow down as well. The library was surprisingly quiet as well, but The Doctor was still on edge. The fam followed her and she weaved her way through the aisles, coming to a sudden stop right before the rows of bookshelves gave way to one of the reading areas.

Nothing could have prepared her for the sight that greeted them. On one of the plush purple sofas The Master was laying down, fast asleep. That in itself would have been enough to shock The Doctor. However he wasn’t alone, you were laying next to him, curled into his side and fast asleep as well.

Huh.

The Doctor had known that The Master was developing a soft spot for you, but she definitely didn’t suspect anything like this. It was almost cute.

“Are they- Are they actually cuddling?” Graham was the first to speak, slightly startling the rest of them despite his voice being barely above a whisper.

“Uhhh… yeah, certainly seems like it.”

“Does anyone else think this is horrifying yet adorable?” Yaz queried, gaining agreement from the rest of them. “Glad it’s not just me.”

“What do we do? Do we wake them up?” Ryan asked.

“Yeah, what if he’s done that hypno- whatsit on Y/N?” Graham butted in.

“Hypnotism, I mean it would be a very odd thing to hypnotise Y/N to do, but we can’t rule it out I suppose.” The Doctor’s thoughts were zipping around in her brains, desperately trying to find all the signs she missed.

And there was so much she missed.

The Master’s ‘practical jokes’ had been lessening lately - both in frequency and maliciousness. The Doctor had chalked this up to him finally starting to settle in properly, but maybe that was the result of him spending more time with you? She hadn’t seen you around as much either, but with four humans plus The Master on board, she had hardly noticed. Then, the most obvious, there was the fact that the two of you had started to pair off more on adventures. Honestly, she had just thought that you were becoming good friends!

Maybe you were just friends? After all, friends were allowed to hug each other. Sure, the position you were in definitely leant more towards romantic entanglement rather than platonic, but that didn’t always mean something.

Just when The Doctor was about to reply, she and the fam were distracted by movement on the couch. You stretched slightly, but then snuggled even closer to The Master, your face smushing into his neck as you smiled. In turn The Master hummed contentedly, somehow bringing you even closer and wrapping his arms around you protectively. The Doctor could have sworn she saw a smile on his face.

Okay, probably not just friends.

The Doctor didn’t know what to do, she hadn’t considered this possibility. Regrettably, she was not prepared for The Master being romantically involved with you at all, which meant that she needed time to think. Putting a finger up to her lips, she turned to her companions and gestured for them to return the way they had came. For now, you and The Master had no clue that the rest of them knew about whatever was going on between the two of you. So, she had time to think, to observe the two of you, to find out if he was hypnotising or manipulating you, or if whatever this was was something genuine on both your parts.

Once they were back out in the hallway The Doctor explained everything to the other members of the fam, all of them agreeing to keep an eye on the two of you. The Doctor then walked off back to the console room, she needed to be alone with her thoughts for a little while.

——

You were warm and cosy, that was what you registered first. Of course, it wasn’t unusual to be warm and cosy when you woke up, but these days it was a new constant in your life, all because of one (alien) man. The Master.

When he had come onboard the TARDIS eight months ago you, you would have never imagined how your relationship developed. He’d pissed you off at first, especially since most of his ‘pranks’ had been directed at you. Once he had decided to take all of your jumpers and hoodies, just after you had returned from a particularly frosty adventure in Antarctica, causing you to confront him.

“You!” You sneered accusingly at The Master, who was lounged on one of the sofas in the library.

He placed his book down and raised an eyebrow, “Can I help you?”

“Give me my jumpers and hoodies back, now.” You tried to sound demanding, but you were still shivering from the lingering cold.

“No.” He smirked at you.

“No? What do you mean no?! I’m cold! I need layers to keep warm!” You pouted at him, unable to keep up the scary demeanour.

He chuckled slightly, “Well, that’s easily solved.” And then he lifted up the blanket that was laying over him and shuffled to make room for you.

You simply stood there in shock, not quite believing that The Master of all beings was inviting you to cuddle with him!

“Come on love, if you stand there any longer you’ll probably end up freezing to death.”

Hesitantly, you stepped closer and closer to the sofa, until you were stood inches from The Master, looking down at him. He offered his hand to you, and you gave him yours in turn. Then, slowly, he pulled you down into his hold, and covered you with the blanket. With his warmth enveloping you, you soon stopped shivering, though you didn’t leave him.

After that, cuddles in the TARDIS library became a regular for the two of you, soon turning into cuddles and kisses in your respective bedrooms, sneakily holding hands on adventures, and being there for one another behind closed doors. You loved him, not that you had told him yet, but you truly did.

Part of your hesitancy towards telling him was due to the fact that you were still keeping your relationship hidden from your friends. It wasn’t as though you didn’t want to tell your friends, you just didn’t know how to tell them, and you were scared for their reactions.

Pushing those thoughts to the back of your mind you stretched and finally opened your eyes. Your first sight was The Master, still asleep, and you took a moment to appreciate him. Then you took in your surroundings and your heart leapt in your chest as you realised you had fallen asleep in the library, where anyone could have walked in.

“Master.” You shook him slightly.

He woke with a questioning hum, sleepy eyes looking at you with curiosity.

“We fell asleep in the library.” You half-whispered.

“…And?” The Master replied.

“Anyone could have walked in and seen us!”

“Mm, but they didn’t love, otherwise we would have been woken up.” He told you, his voice still rough from sleep, as he pulled you closer again.

You didn’t reply, instead giving him a worried look. He sighed and sat up, moving you with him.

“It’ll be okay love,” He cupped your face with both his hands, observing you until he seemed satisfied that you believed his words - and you did believe him, even if you needed a little reassurance sometimes.

The Master smiled at you, “Come on, shower and breakfast is in order.”

“More like brunch by now.” You retorted, checking your phone to see that it was already past 11am.

The Master chuckled and lead you out of the library.

——

In the past week, nothing out of the ordinary had happened, at least nothing that was out of the ordinary for your life. A couple of trips back in time, a couple adventures on distant planets, an ungodly amount of running, and sneaking into The Master’s bedroom once your friends had gone to sleep each night. Yep, completely ordinary week for you.

Which is why your friends’ strange behaviour made absolutely no sense.

You couldn’t quite explain it, but they’d been acting weird around you, jumpy as though they were keeping something from you. However there weren’t any holidays coming up and your birthday had already passed this year, so their weird behaviour was worrying you.

You’d tried asking all of them about it individually, The Doctor had pretended not to hear while doing some engineering on the TARDIS, and the other three had come up with various excuses that you didn’t believe. It frustrated you that something was wrong but they weren’t willing to tell you. Luckily, you still had one person on the TARDIS who wasn’t acting weird around you.

You knocked on The Master’s door and let yourself in. His living space was becoming one of your favourite rooms on the TARDIS, it had dark wood panelled walls and an overall regal look with lots of purple accents. There was also a lot of clutter, mostly little projects and pieces for said projects. Occasionally you’d ask him about whatever he was working on, and he’d talk you through his whole process (secretly you’d only ask him to hear his voice, but he didn’t need to know that). He’d also gotten used to you being in his rooms, hence why you walked right in.

The Master was sat on his couch, reading a book that he placed on an end table once he saw you.

“Hello, love.” He grinned at you, making room for you to sit down next to him.

“Hello Master,” You smiled at him, cuddling into his chest as he wrapped an arm around you.

He hummed and nuzzled your neck, “How are you today, my darling?”

The combination of the pet name and him speaking so close to your ear caused you to shiver. It almost got rid of the knot of worry that had nestled itself in you, almost. The Master seemed to notice something was wrong, as he pulled back slightly so he could look at you properly.

“Have you noticed the others being kind of… off, this week?” You queried, not quite knowing how to word it.

“Quite honestly love, I don’t pay much attention to anyone else on this ship.” He smirked, and you rolled your eyes.

“You and I both know that’s not true, you may not like Ryan, Graham or Yaz, but they’re still my friends - which means you still keep an eye on them at the very least.” You retorted.

“Mmm, you know me so well.” He leaned in to kiss your cheek, causing you to relax further into him.

It had surprised you, at first, just how physically affectionate The Master was. You’d assumed after the first cuddle session that it would be a one off, that he’d kill you if you ever mentioned it to anyone (not that they’d believe you), but he’d only gotten more and more cuddly as your relationship had grown.

“Okay, yes, I have noticed they were behaving stranger than usual this week. I’d just assumed it was something to do with me, and I didn’t care enough to find out what.”

“Definitely not just you, they’ve been weird around me too. I tried to ask them what was wrong but they all made up little excuses and scurried off. The Doctor even pretended she didn’t hear me!” You exclaimed gesturing wildly, “I just- they’re my friends, and I’ve obviously done something to upset them, but I don’t know what!”

You flopped back into The Master’s hold and sighed, for a moment he simply held you close, rubbing circles on your back.

“Look, whatever it is they’ll probably get over it soon enough. It can’t be that bad if they’re still talking to you.” He reassured you, already helping you feel much calmer than you had all week.

“But, what if they found out about us somehow?”

“The Doctor probably would have kicked me off the TARDIS already love, and your friends would have helped her.” You glared at him, unamused.

“No they wouldn’t, I wouldn’t let them.”

The Master’s expression softened.

“Of course not love, I’m just teasing. I’m sure that whatever it is will be forgotten about soon enough.”

“Hopefully.”

“In the meantime, would it perhaps help if I could take your mind off them for a while?” The Master suggested, leaning in to kiss you again.

“Hmm, I think it might.” You replied with a giggle, kissing him back eagerly.

——

As The Master had predicted, your friends soon went back to normal. You still had no clue what had caused their strange behaviour, but you didn’t bring it up again. Instead you focused on your adventures and your relationship with The Master, separately of course.

After a few rather hectic adventures, The Doctor had decided that you all needed a bit of a break, in the form of a 38th century cruise spaceship. The Doctor had explained that there were many fun activities taking place on the cruise, but the main one was the ball. An evening of dancing, eating and socialising to help you and the rest of the fam relax a bit.

You were all looking forward to it, and you could tell The Master was excited too - not that he acted like it. Sometimes you thought he tried a little too hard to protect his reputation, but then you remembered just how lucky you were that he allowed you to see the real him when so many others were denied the chance.

Currently, you were in the TARDIS wardrobe getting ready for the ball with the others. You had elected to wear a simple black suit with a dark purple lining and accents, partially because you liked the look of it, and partially because you thought it would go with whatever The Master decided to wear. You may be hiding your relationship from your friends, but you still wanted the subtle sign that he was yours (and you were his in turn). Exiting your dressing room you smiled at Graham and The Doctor, both wearing suits as well.

“Nice suit, it suits you!” The Doctor told you, looking very pleased with her terrible pun.

You rolled your eyes and huffed out a laugh while Graham simply groaned. Ryan exited next, wearing a suit as well, tho it had a neon-coloured cubic pattern speckled over it. Then The Master exited.

He was wearing a black suit as well, though it had flowers embroidered in dark grey thread on it. He’d paired it with a reddish-purple waistcoat, a matching bow tie, and a dark grey shirt. He looked stunning, and in that moment you found yourself yearning for the freedom of a more public relationship, simply so you could tell him just how good you thought he looked. Instead you raked your eyes over his body and gave him an appreciative look, knowing he’d understand.

To your surprise he seemed to do the same to you, his eyes studying your appearance in a way that made you blush slightly, and giving you a far more suggestive look than you had given him. He was usually very subtle about your relationship, especially in front of The Doctor, but you weren’t going to complain in this moment.

Just then Yaz walked out of her dressing room, though your eyes lingered on The Master for a few moments longer. Taking advantage of the distraction, The Master winked at you, causing you to grin coyly before finally turning your attention to Yaz.

She was wearing a lovely rose gold coloured dress, it wasn’t overly flashy or attention grabbing, but you knew she’d still get a fair amount of admiration at the ball (though you suspected most of that would come from The Doctor).

The Doctor soon lead you all out of the wardrobe into the console room, piloting to your destination. You gazed in awe at the ship once the doors opened, it was decorated in a baroque-esque style and almost made you feel as though you didn’t quite belong in the ship. Still, you followed The Doctor through the hallways until you came to the ballroom. It was stunning, the room itself had the same baroque-esque look to it, though it was even more extravagant. Instinctively, you looked back to The Master and grinned, gaining a soft smile in return.

“Alright fam, all the food and drink should be good for human consumption - but if you’re unsure just ask! Let’s say two hours of mingling, then we’ll reconvene back here?” The Doctor addressed you all, gaining agreement before everyone started to dart off in different directions.

You had hoped that you would get some time alone with The Master, unfortunately it seemed that Yaz had other ideas as she invited you over to the bar with her to get some drinks.

An hour later you had finally managed to ditch your friends, it wasn’t as though you didn’t like hanging out with them - of course you did - but at an event like this you’d rather spend time with your partner. Once you found him you felt yourself relax, previously unaware of how tense you’d been without him. Larger social gatherings like this definitely made you anxious, but having The Master by your side helped a lot, mostly because you knew he’d never let anything bad happen to you.

He smiled at you and then nodded his head to the entrance. Intrigued, you followed him as he lead you out of the ballroom.

“Where are we going, Master?” You queried, grabbing a hold of his hand.

“You’ll see.”

Eventually the two of you came to another ballroom, though it was completely empty. There was a layer of dust over every surface, giving you the impression that this room hadn’t been used in a long time. The distant music from the party echoed through the halls into the ballroom giving it a haunted feel, but not a creepy kind of haunted, mor like the sort of haunted feeling you got from a placed that had so clearly been loved once, as though that love and warmth was still living in the walls.

After looking around the room you turned back to The Master, only to find him stood with one hand behind his back and the other stretched out towards you.

“Care to dance, my love?” He asked you charmingly, causing you to blush wildly.

“Of course, Master.” You replied, taking his hand eagerly and grinning.

He pulled you in close and began to guide you through a waltz, in time with the music from the ballroom. In that moment you felt as though you could spend the rest of your life with him, even if it was just the two of you alone in the universe, you’d always feel content by his side. That realisation seemed to finally give you the boost of confidence you had needed.

“I love you.”

The Master stopped dancing, looking at you with a mix of shock and awe.

“What?”

“I love you, Master. You don’t have to say it back, I just wanted you to know.” You told him truthfully.

“I love you too, so much.” He replied, grinning wide with tears in his eyes.

The Master leant in to kiss you, and your lips met his halfway. You’d kissed him hundreds of times before, but this time felt different, it felt perfect. The two of you started dancing again, still keeping in time with the music but completely lost in each other’s presence. The Master moved his arm around your waist, you rested your head on his shoulder and let the world fall away around the two of you.

——

The Doctor had been keeping a close eye on both you and The Master in the past few weeks, and to her surprise she had seen nothing sinister, nothing potentially dangerous. In fact, all she had seen was subtle glances and secretive smiles between the two of you, she’d caught both of you looking at the other while they were distracted, and neither of you had anything but love to look at each other with. On one occasion she’d even seen the two of you holding hands when faced with a particularly terrifying enemy!

The Doctor had known The Master for nearly his whole life, and therefore always knew that he had a softer side to him. What she never expected was for him to develop feelings for a human, considering his general hatred of Earth’s sentient inhabitants. She’d had her reservations at first, knowing full well that whatever was going on between the two of you could just be another one of his schemes. However, given how secretive the two of you were, and all the little interactions she’d witnessed, The Doctor believed that The Master had genuine feelings for you.

Nevertheless, The Doctor had continued to keep on the eye on the two of you - just in case. Therefore, she noticed pretty quickly when the both of you disappeared from the ballroom. At the end of the day The Master was still The Master, no matter how much progress he had seemed to make these past few months. Luckily, the rest of her fam had noticed your disappearances as well.

“Come on fam.” The Doctor started to lead the way out of the ballroom.

“Doc, are you sure we should go looking for them, I mean what if they’re, y’know…” Graham asked, looking rather uncomfortable.

“Snogging?” Ryan snickered.

“Yes, we should, because there’s still a chance that Y/N could be in danger.”

The Doctor continued on through the halls, looking through each of the rooms to see if she could find the two of you. Finally, she came to another ballroom and was surprised by the sight of the two of you slow dancing in each other’s arms.

Well, at least you weren’t in danger.

It seemed that she had sped off a bit too quickly, as Ryan, Graham and Yaz soon came jogging up behind her, startling both you and The Master (who hadn’t noticed her approach). For a few moments everyone stood and stared at each other in complete silence, no one knowing quite what to do. The Master still had his arms around your waist, and The Doctor could see that he tightened his grip on you, as though he was afraid you’d be taken from him.

You coughed, gaining everyone’s attention, “So, uhhh..”

“You two are together?” Yaz asked.

You looked to The Master and smiled softly, getting a small smile in return. “Yeah, we are.”

There was another moment of awkward silence before you spoke up again. “Wait, none of you seem surprised?”

“We caught you two sleeping on one of the library couches a couple weeks back.” Ryan told you, causing you to playfully hit The Master’s arm.

“I told you!”

The Master rolled his eyes, “How was I supposed to know? I was asleep as well!” He laughed along with you.

“Is that why you were all acting weird around us?” You queried.

“Yeah, sorry about that cockle, it was just a bit of a shock is all. Still is to be honest!” Graham chuckled, putting all of you at ease.

“How long have the two of you been together anyway?” Yaz asked.

“Uhh, just over four months now - right?” The Master nodded in response to your question.

“How did you two manage to keep it a secret for so long?” Ryan exclaimed.

“Lots of sneaking around, though it does help when your partner has alien hearing that’s at least 10 times better than humans’.” You replied, smirking in a way that showed how much you liked showing off about The Master.

On the way back to the TARDIS Graham, Ryan and Yaz asked you quite a lot of questions, most of which you answered happily while holding The Master’s hand. Despite having watched the two of you for the past few weeks to make sure this wasn’t just another one of The Master’s schemes, The Doctor finally felt as though she could relax. You were safe, and both of you were happy, she was glad that The Master had managed to find someone who he could be himself around, someone who he could love. Stopping just outside the TARDIS doors, you turned back to look at her.

“You’re alright with this, yeah?”

“You’re happy?” The Doctor asked, addressing the both of you.

“Very.” You replied, while The Master simply looked down at you and nodded.

“Good, I’m happy for you - both of you.” She made sure to address The Master, who looked slightly surprised before he rolled his eyes at her.

“Now, movie night?” She suggested, gaining nods of approval from everyone.

It was going to take some getting used to, but The Doctor was truly happy for the both of you. Later that evening she looked over to see that you had both fallen asleep in each other’s arms, she smiled looking at the two of you, glad you had each other.

[unfoundhoney]

toe the line ; part three ↠

↠ slimecicle x fem!reader ; angst , the fluff will get here eventually i promise

↠ masterlist

↠ part one ; part two ; part three ; part four

↠ @ochabby @kiritokunuwu @pyrotechnics84 @nottheotheruser @d0vesatdawn @ashturnedtomist @bloopi @enderhoe @plaguenecromancer @prickypearpropaganda @phantom-aurora @starswspacey

It’s funny how true the saying “you never miss something until it’s gone” is. If Charlie had to describe how the last two weeks have been, it’d be like that. He didn’t think it was humanly possible to miss someone so much, to actually have every second of every day be taken up by the thought of you. He’d been trying to work but with a blatant lack of you, he hadn’t been able to focus and decided to take a walk to clear his head.

It wasn’t helping.

A man walks past with a big, floofy, white dog on a leash. You would stop to ask to pet it. You always loved dogs and Charlie has no doubt in his mind that if your apartment building allowed pets, there’d be at least one living with you and him.

There’s a bookstore on the corner of a street. You would poke your head in, look around for a while and buy some novel by an author you’d never heard of. It’d probably lay unopened for a couple months until you suddenly remembered it one day and binged it in under three days.

A street musician plays across the street in a park, improving on his saxophone over a jazzy backing track. You would insist on staying to listen, waiting until he finished this song, applauding, and giving him ten dollars or so. Charlie stuffs his hands a little deeper in his pockets and keeps walking.

What was supposed to be a head-clearing (and distracting) walk has turned into the exact opposite. Charlie knows he won’t be getting any more work done today.

It starts to rain as he walks but he doesn’t head back, instead walking farther and into a different park. As it rains harder, he finds a bench to sit on. The cold and wet he finds himself submerged in distracts him better than anything else has been able to.

Water drips inside his collar and soon he finds himself soaked through. Still, he just sits there, staring straight ahead of him and focusing on the uncomfortable feeling of being fully clothed and completely wet.

He doesn’t know how long he sat there. Minutes. An hour. Two hours. But suddenly the rain stops. He’s no longer being showered with water droplets, even as the rain continues pouring all around him.

“Charlie? You okay, man?”

Charlie looks up and funnily enough, there’s Ted. He’s holding an umbrella over Charlie, looking down at him in concern. He realizes how bad this must look, sat in the rain looking dead inside.

“What’re you doing?” Ted asks slowly.

“Just... chilling.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“You good?”

“I’m doing great.” He gestures generally, tries to crack a joke. “Can’t you tell?”

Ted doesn’t smile. “Dude, seriously. Are you okay?”

Charlie swallows, smile fading. He wants so badly to say “yeah, I am” and be able to mean it. He’s the one who messed everything up; he doesn’t have a right to be feeling this bad with you gone when he was the one who chased you away. And yet here he is, sitting in the rain.

“No.”

“...let’s go back to your place.”

Ted walks Charlie back home, sharing his umbrella despite the fact that Charlie is already totally soaked. Ted doesn’t seem to mind too much when Charlie drips on him; he’s likely more worried about Charlie than his left side getting a little wet.

They get back to Charlie’s apartment and Charlie changes quickly into dry clothes before joining Ted in the living room. It’s painstakingly obvious when Ted unknowingly sits in your spot.

After several minutes of awkward silence and even more awkward attempts at small talk, Ted finally asks the question he’s been meaning to for two weeks.

“How’s um... How’s Y/N?” Ted tries tentatively.

“She’s okay. Sort of. I think.”

“You think?”

“She’s kind of been avoiding me. She’s been staying at Schlatt’s for the past eleven days.”

“She has?”

“I think she needed some space, but it’s been over a week now and I’m kind of deteriorating away in the silence of our apartment alone.”

“Have you tried talking to her about... it?”

“You mean her feelings for me that she’s had for years and I’ve never noticed and then accidentally outed in front of all our friends and neither of us are sure our relationship will recover because we don’t know how to act now that we’re both aware one of us wants more than platonic friendship?”

“...yes.”

“No, I haven’t.”

“It sounds really bad when you phrase it like you just did but there’s no way around this,” Ted says. “I know how much you two care about each other. You two would be miserable without each other.”

“We- We’d be... fine.”

“That was the most unconvincing thing I have ever heard in my entire life.”

“I-“

“Not to mention the fact that you are literally living proof that you are not fine without Y/N.”

“Doctor Ted PhD is making a reappearance,” Charlie weakly tries to joke.

“Charlie.”

Ted did just find Charlie having a rather severe episode of “main character syndrome,” so there’s really no arguing with him. He is not doing fine without you. It’s only going to get worse the longer he goes without trying to reassemble the shattered pieces of your friendship.

Charlie’s will finally gives way. “I don’t know what to do, man. I fucked up so bad and now I’m terrified I’m never going to be able to get back to where we were. Everywhere I go all I can think about is her and she just- I have never been happier than I am when I’m with her and I just-... I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to lose her.”

Charlie buries his head in his hands, heels of his palms digging into his eyes. He’s finally letting himself be distressed over the very real possibility of losing his best friend instead of ignoring the situation entirely.

Meanwhile, Ted is connecting some very obvious dots.

“She’s all you can think about?”

“Yeah, like, I’ll just be going to the store or something and it’s like ‘oh, she’d smell those flowers,’ ‘she’d drag me to try that restaurant,’ ‘she’d go to see that movie with me.’”

“And you’re happiest with her.”

“Yeah, man. I’ve had other friends, other best friends even, but no one compares to her and how she just gets me. You’ve seen it; we have this synergy that I have never gotten with anyone else.”

“And you are very worried about the possibility of losing her.”

“...yes. Are you just repeating what I’ve said?”

“Just waiting for you to figure it out.”

“Figure what out?”

Ted doesn’t respond, holding the silence patiently. Charlie continues to look at him, confused. The apartment is quiet, not quite in the unbearable way it is when he’s alone but it still doesn’t feel right without you here.

For eleven days, you haven’t sung in the shower. You haven’t made breakfast just how he likes it. You haven’t distracted him from work to show him a TikTok, not that he ever minded. You haven’t fallen asleep on movie night and he’d willingly carry you to bed if you asked him sleepily, kind of wishing you’d ask him to stay with you one night.

You would grab his hand and ask him to stay. He’d do so without hesitation. Curled together under the covers, you would be close and warm and intimate in a new but welcome way. He’d hold you tight, your breath soft against his neck.

Wait.

Charlie looks up in horror. “No.”

Ted narrowly stops the shit-eating grin from spreading across his face. “Yes.”

“No. No no no, shit.”

“I am so happy I get to be here for this.”

“Shut the fuck up, Ted,” Charlie cuts him off.

He’s angry. Not at Ted but at himself. He rushes over to the door, shoving his feet back into his still-wet shoes.

“I’ve fucked up so bad. Oh my god, this is all my fault.”

“Yeah, it is.”

“God, shut up, you are not helping.”

“Sorry, just telling it like it is.”

Charlie glares at Ted. “Show yourself out.”

Charlie takes off out of the apartment without an umbrella again, completely prepared to get another set of clothes completely soaked. He prays to whatever higher power may be listening that you have the ungodly amount of forgiveness that will be needed to forgive his stupidity.

[salemwritesxx]

𝓯𝓪𝓵𝓵𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝓯𝓸𝓻 𝔂𝓸𝓾. | 𝙸𝙸

𝕋 𝕒 𝕜 𝕒 𝕞 𝕚  𝕂 𝕖 𝕚 𝕘 𝕠  |  ℍ 𝕒 𝕨 𝕜 𝕤

     ⇴ male reader [22, chubby, 194cm]      ⇴ all characters are depicted as [18]+

↣ rating: 18+ ↣ warnings: smut; height difference/size difference; facesitting; ass eating; modern AU; chubby, tall reader; reader’s “friends” fatshaming reader and just being absolute assholes before it gets to the spicy good stuff

part 1.

｡☆✼★━━━━━━━━━━━━★✼☆｡

Chuckling, his hand reached out to your cheek when you leaned in; immediately returning the sweet kisses. Kei’s golden eyes fluttered open once you pulled back again, only to giggle a “What?” when you turned your head to kiss his little hand.

“Your hands are so cute… and tiny.”, you snickered yourself.

Hawks couldn’t say anything back. After all, it was true. His hands were so small compared to your own – and he adored that. Biting his lip, he tried to suppress his wide smile as best as he could when you pressed another kiss onto the back of his hand and fingers which were adorned with rings. They made his hands even more pretty.

You and Hawks had been dating exactly six months. Hence why you decided to go to the bar where it all started. This time, you didn’t mind sitting at one of the tables, because all you could focus on was this beautiful man besides you. And Keigo definitely made you feel much more comfortable and confident. Love was amazing.

Both of you were so into the moment of sharing little kisses and just having a conversation about different things in life, that you didn’t even realize a few familiar faces entering the bar. And you wished it had stayed that way the moment you heard their calling.

“Yo! It’s [Your.name]!”

“And Takami-san!”

All you could do was fake smile and greet them as well. You had heard from Keigo what one of your supposed ‘friends’ had said. The car accident remark hurt – a lot. So, in the last few months you had tried to distance yourself from your friend group. Not only because you wanted to spend as much time with your boyfriend as possible, but also because they weren’t good for you. You had known that for quite some time, however that one thing certainly was the last straw that broke the camel’s back.

Hawks besides you was immediately uncomfortable, but he smiled politely as well. However, when he started playing with the many rings on his fingers, you knew you had to do something. Especially when they sat down and started chatting.

“Uh, I’ll buy us something to drink, yeah?”, you tried to flee the awkward situation.

“Ah, then I’ll definitely need to make some room for more.”, was Keigo’s excuse as he hastily stood up to walk towards the bathroom.

Taking a deep breath, he leaned in front of the sink, his ring’s clacking as he washed his hands.

“Fuck. How are we gonna get rid of them? This should have been our date… Kh!”, he thought and clicked his tongue in the end.

You, who stood in front of the bar, also were thinking rapidly what you could do. If you could just tell them it was your date with Hawks.

“Argh! You are so fucking big and yet you can’t grow any balls! Idiot!”, you insulted yourself, “If I could just tell them to kindly fuck off… Damn it.”

How often had your friends stood you up? Left you alone during parties? Talked shit about you? And yet you weren’t able to tell them to go away for once.

Hawks was the first to return, however as he walked up your friends were sitting with the back facing towards him, hence they didn’t see him. Thus, they also didn’t see that he stood behind them when they talked shit again.

“I mean… model? Have you seen him? He’s fucking tiny and fragile. As if someone like him would be a model. I haven’t even seen him on any magazine anyways.”, one cackled.

“Right? And he ain’t even THAT hot. But of course stupid [Your.name] is gonna buy it, I mean, his head is as big as a melon but his brain? Nut sized!”, another laughed.

“Their height difference is fucking laughable!”

“Only their height? Fuck, you can make three little Takamis out of [Your.name]. That’s fucking hilarious. Just watching them side by side is so ridiculous. They probably don’t even fuck.”

“Ew, can you imagine [Your.name]? Ugh!”, he loudly gagged, “I’d rather shove a cactus up my ass than do-”

Just listening to that made Keigo furious. Someone who was supposed to be your friend group talking so much shit was disgusting. Hence he stepped forward and banged his hand onto the table, making them stop their cackling. If looks could have killed, all your friends would have dropped dead.

“You’re like fucking little High School girls cackling and talking shit. No wonder none of you is in a relationship, you fucking assholes.”, Hawks growled.

Before he could say any more though, you came back with a Red Bull for you and a drink for Hawks. Though, immediately, you realized something was off.

“Kei? Everything okay?”, you carefully asked once you put down the Red Bull and glass.

He wanted to just grab you and walk out. They ruined your six month anniversary date. Yes, it might be something overly cheesy and stupid, but it was important to you and him. And those fucktards ruined it all. But, he just shook his head and sat down, you had bought the beverage after all, so he was going to drink it.

“No, Baby, everything’s okay. Thanks for the drink.”

So, you sat down as well, wondering why your friends looked so bashful and uncomfortable. It only took a few minutes of you and him awkwardly sitting, no one really talking and just nipping on your drinks. Hawks had been playing with his rings absentmindedly again when he couldn’t take it anymore. Fuck the drinks, this was too much.

“[Your.name], it’s getting late. I need to go to work tomorrow, do you mind if we cut it short today and go home?”, he asked with his fake smile.

For a moment, you didn’t know if he just wanted to escape the situation or if he really wanted to go home. But, as far as you knew, he was free tomorrow and you had plans to stay over-

You needed to stop overthinking everything, thus, you just nodded.

“Of course. I’ll drive you home.”

“Thanks. Oh wait.”, he suddenly said when you had already stood up.

“Hm?”

Then, he grabbed a tissue from the table, your friends just watching, still feeling bad that they got caught talking shit. But no one could have known what was about to happen next.

Reaching out his hand, he softly wiped your face, leaving you a bit confused.

“Oh, thank you?”

Keigo just chuckled though and smiled, “No problem. Just wanted to make sure my seat’s clean for later.”

Then, he threw the tissue onto the table, flashed your friends a “fuck you” smile and glare, before grabbing your hand and walking outside. You just completely flabbergasted and a stuttering mess as you helplessly followed your small boyfriend outside.

“K-Keigo…”, you were visibly embarrassed.

Hawks know he may have gotten a little too far. Flaunting your relationship was one thing but saying that thing in public might be too much for your shy heart. So, the ride home was unusually quiet, which weighed down his heart even more. Your date was totally ruined now. He wanted to say sorry, but the silence was just… too much. Thus, he kept his mouth shut as well.

When you finally reached your apartment, you just quietly walked upstairs. You were so deep into your own thoughts you even ran against your doorframe, since you were so tall.

“Ow!”, you immediately grabbed your head. That hadn’t happened in quite some time.

It only showed how distracted you were from the scenario in the bar.

“[Your.name]? Are you okay?”, he immediately turned around and looked up.

“Ah? Yeah. No, it’s… it’s okay. Guess I was just really absentminded. Don’t mind me.”, you smiled at him, though Hawks still felt bad.

He should have just left after he caught them and not do this stupid joke in front of them.

“Okay… I’m gonna take a shower, okay?”

“Yeah.”, was all you answered and then it was an awkward quietness again.

Ah, you wondered what had happened between Hawks and your friends and what had led him to do something like that. Now, as you thought back, it was quite funny. Their faces were priceless, too. And it wasn’t even the case that you couldn’t take a joke. It was just the fact that your friends had to hear it that it was… embarrassing? Why though? Because they found out you had sex? You didn’t really know. All you knew was that, you had to cut them off as soon as possible.

After what felt like half an hour, Hawks came out of the bathroom and thus, it was your turn to shower. Once again, there weren’t any words exchanged. Until you finally joined him in bed after your own shower. Keigo had been waiting for you and the moment you laid down beside him, he turned around to face you.

“I’m sorry, [Your.name]. I know I shouldn’t have lied and done THAT an-“

“Ah no, no.”, you interrupted him and gestured a little, “It’s fine. It was a good excuse and… thinking about it now THAT was kinda funny.”, you finally snickered.

Which certainly made Kei’s heart laugh again as well.

“It was, wasn’t it?!”, he chuckled, then smiled – genuinely.

“Yes, it was a good one. Their faces were great. Sorry, too. I … get so easily flustered still. It’s still kinda new and all.”, you then admitted.

“It’s okay, I know that and still went with it. Next time I’ll only do that when we’re alone.”

“Hahaha, okay. I can live with that.”, you laughed and then finally kissed him softly.

Looking at you for a moment, he didn’t know if he should even say something, but then again…

“You know, I caught them talking shit again.”, resting his head on your shoulder, he slung his arm around your broad chest. His cold little feet touching your shin as he had wrapped his leg around your own. He was so tiny.

“Ah, I thought so…”, you sighed deeply, “I’ll definitely cut them off soon. It’s not like they will miss me anyways, well… maybe because then they don’t have someone who’s their idiot for everything.”

“I’m sorry they ruined our date, Babe.”, you then whispered and kissed his forehead.

“It’s okay. At least we have the rest of the evening just for us.”

“Yeah.”

Like that, you cuddled together. You didn’t mind it anymore when he grabbed onto your chub. People had done that to mock you before, but Keigo would have never done it with that intent. He just liked grabbing onto you since you were so much bigger than him, which meant he fit just perfectly tucked right under your arm. Just where he belonged.

For a while, you laid there. The quietness surrounding you wasn’t awkward anymore as you softly played with his hair and he played with your hand. It was just relaxed and soothing.

Meanwhile, it looked differently inside your mind.

“Okay, just say it.”, you kept on cheering you on.

Ever since he said THAT, you couldn’t stop thinking about it, which, inevitably, led to you thinking about actually doing what he had said. Which then meant you slowly became horny.

Your heart was hammering against your chest way too wildly when you leaned in. You felt out of breath just by thinking what you wanted to say. It was fine. You were dating. This wasn’t inappropriate and Kei had started it so…

“So…what do you think? Is your seat clean now?”

It only took a second for Hawks to realize it. Redness spreading all over his face in an instance. He always tried to be so confident and cocky, so it caught him off-guard hearing you so straight-forward for once. However, with redness also came a big smirk and his golden eyes gleaming when he looked up to meet your own [eye.color] ones.

“Looks pretty good to me.”, Kei barely whispered back while scooching closer and connecting your lips eventually.

A sweet kiss quickly becoming heated and sloppy as you grabbed his ass and pulled him on top of you. Hawks immediately moaning into your mouth as he grabbed onto the pillow. He loved getting thrown around a little, especially when you were so nice and strong and big.

Even though his cheeks were still pretty warm from blushing, it didn’t take long for him to wiggle himself out of his briefs. It certainly also helped that you hooked your fingers in and pulled them down at last.

“Hmnhh”, he mewled once you pushed him up higher, your big hand clawing at his ass and leaving marks behind.

“Turn around, Baby?”, you asked in between passionate kisses.

And his answer came promptly when he rose and bit his lip for a second.

“It’s a little embarrassing…”, yet he completely sat back up and turned around, which made you chuckle.

“Hmmm, but you did it anways.”, being the one to tease him for once was nice.

“Hahaha I sure di-ahn!”, he laughed only to interrupt himself with a soft whine when you grabbed his ass and pushed him closer against your face.

You didn’t even waste another second as you let your tongue flick against his hole. Lapping around for a moment before teasing him with the tip. Earning his cute moan immediately. Biting his own finger, he tried not to become too loud. Though as you licked over his ass with your broad tongue, a shivery moan escaped his throat just like that.

After using some spit for lubrication your tongue was back instantly to lick and flick. Your fingers holding his ass tightly left red marks behind that made Hawks moan in delight. Pushing himself even further down onto your face without really realizing it. Though you didn’t mind at all, rather you used it to push your tongue inside.

“Ngh! Ahh-“, arching his back, Keigo reached back to try and grab the headboard for support.

Your own deep moans sent vibrations through his body, making it even harder to resist the urge to just ride your face. However, with how eagerly you ate his ass, your tongue relentlessly wiggling and thrusting, it was pretty hard to move himself, thus being completely at your mercy.

“Ohh fuck- Ah! B-Baby…”, he choked out and moaned.

Pulling back a little, you went back to flicking the top of your tongue, tickling his soft hole and listening to his grumbling as he tried to sway his hips to spur you on. But, you loved to tease him. Hearing his quickened breathing and the impatient whines made your cock twitch and leak.

Though, in order to make him feel good, you soon pushed your broad tongue back against his twitching ass to lick almost slowly over his soft hole, before pushing your wet muscle back inside. His delightful hiss and the shivering of his body told you everything you needed to know.

His golden eyes were closed and his bottom lip was caught between his teeth. Another suppressed moan finding its way out of his mouth. Messy blonde strands of hair fell into his face, before he threw his head back when you, unexpectedly, reached around his thigh and touched his leaking cock. Your big hand wrapping around it was almost too much as he tried to thrust into it, simultaneously also rubbing his ass against your face more, thus feeling your tongue even more intensely.

“Ahn Ah! [Your.name] agh-“

However, when he softly pushed your hand away, you were a little surprised. Though not for long when he also raised his ass and turned around a bit, his golden eyes gleaming with lust.

“I want to… cum with your cock inside.”, was all he choked out under heavy breathing.

Hence you just gulped and sheepishly grinned. Reaching for the nightstand, you grabbed the lube, Keigo’s hands already busy pulling down your pants and kissing down your cock. Only to moan loudly when your thick fingers pushed inside his soft hole. The lube making such noisy squish sounds when you thrusted inside. Your big hand groped his small ass to spread his cheeks while you kept fingering him.

Your own deep groans and moans as he licked over your shaft and sucked on your cockhead got him even more excited. Thus, after a few moments of being stretched, he sat back up again so you pulled your fingers out. Simply watching as he moved and hovered over your cock.

“Kei-“, you choked out his name and instinctively grabbed his hips, once again realizing just how small he was. Your fingertips almost touched, he was such a fragile thing compared to you.

Though, despite being so small, Hawks grabbed your fat cock and slowly pushed down. The tip alone made him hiss, before a breathy moan followed. Once he sat in your lap, your dick buried snug in his ass, he leaned back, your hands giving him support and he held himself up as well.

“AHhh!”, one thrust was enough to make him moan in delight, hence with a quickened heartbeat, you started moving.

Easily holding him in place as you started shoving your cock inside his tight ass. Kei’s arms visibly shaking and his head thrown back.

“Ahh- [Your.name]- Mhn! Ah!”, though it didn’t take long for you to push him up completely, his hole gaping and twitching, before throwing him onto his belly.

“AHnn, so rough.”, he purred as he presented his ass instantly. Once again - he just loved getting thrown around a little.

But not being able to think about it much longer, you had already pushed your cock back inside, making him moan in bliss and his hands instantly clawing at the sheets. Your own hands had grabbed his hips again, thus being able to thrust in as deeply as possible.

If it were possible, you might have thought you could see little hearts floating around Keigo’s head with how much he enjoyed himself. His moaning loud and not holding back as you drilled your cock into his tight hole.

Burying his red face into the pillow, he didn’t even try to hold back his moans. Just loving the way you blew his back out, making him so soar that he couldn’t even sit tomorrow morning. His delicate body shaking so much as waves of pure lust swept through him. His small cock bouncing with every thrust, the sheets dirtied with precum and sweat.

“[Your.name]!”, he moaned out your name.

Twisting his body lightly, he looked back and reached out his hand, instantly meeting your own as you grabbed and squeezed it.

“C-Come here…”, Keigo stuttered under heavy breathing.

“B-But… I’m gonna squish you.”, you groaned back, not wanting to lay on top of him with your heavy, chubby body. He was so tiny…

“Don’t ca-Ah! [Your.name]… please…”, was the last thing he whined and how could you say no?

“Fine…”, you let go of his hand and hovered over him before lowering your body onto his, “But tell me when it’s too uncomfortable.”

Though Keigo didn’t care anymore as your heavy body pushed him more into the mattress, a mere moaned “Uhgn!” all he could do. And then, you started thrusting again. He simply loved having your body on top of his, feeling your weight push him down.

Since you were already in the perfect spot, you just lowered your head to kiss along the nape of his neck. His soft little mewls as you nibbled on his skin spurring you on more. Your skin slapping against his as your hips moved as much as they could.

“Ah ahh B-Baby, I’m… Nghh!”, he tried to warn you as you kept fucking him mercilessly.

Your hips only stopping for a few seconds here and there, before you were back to shoving your cock inside, earning Keigo’s loud moan. His ass was tightening around your dick more and more as he approached his orgasm. Hawks’ insides were fluttering as you didn’t stop thrusting into his hole.

“Oh fuck- Kei-go…”, you choked out his name as your arms wrapped around his small body. Your hips moving on their own as you vigorously moved. Hips smacking against his ass uncontrollably.

Both of you moaning as you approached your orgasms. Hawks the first who surrendered to the pleasure. A loud, blissful moan escaping his throat and his body shaking underneath you. Cumming onto the sheets while he pulled you with him. Your own body shivering as you hugged him tightly and drilled your cock into his ass one last time before cumming. Filling his sloppy hole with your cum as he just happily mewled and moaned.

For a moment, you stayed like that; gasping for breath and shaking. Hawks groaning, a crooked happy smile on his lips and looking like he was on cloud nine, babbling nonsense. After a while, you slowly sat back up and pulled out. The soft squish sound and the cum flowing out immediately was sending another blissful jolt down south to your cock.

“Hmm, you look even more pretty like that, Baby.”, you chuckled and softly smacked his ass.

Hawks just giggled as well and pulled you down and besides him.

“I love you.”, he whispered before kissing you.

Happily returning the sweet gesture, you buried your hand in his hair, listening to his soft happy hums as you massaged his scalp. Your heart was thumping so much in your chest, wondering how you seriously deserved someone like him.

“Thank you.”

“For what?”, he chuckled as his head fell back into the pillow, his beautiful eyes filled with so much love as he looked at you.

“Just… for not giving up six months ago. I was really- just an asshole to you because of my own insecurities and… when I think about what might have happened if you didn’t try again, I would still be miserable right now. So just.. thank you. I love you.”

Biting his lip to try and hide his stupid happy smile, it, however, didn’t really help much. Hence he leaned in to kiss you once more. Which then ended in your mouths being tangled yet again as you pushed him more into the mattress.

｡☆✼★━━━━━━━━━━━━★✼☆｡

@salemwritesxx || do not repost, edit, modify or translate my works

⇻ salem.talks: here’s part two! it took almost a month wtf well here it is!

[whorangdan]

pretty boy

part one of what i'm hoping will be a series. i decided not to split this so it is a bit lengthy, i apologize.

around 3.7k words, shy!virgin!joshua, praise kink, slight finger sucking, blowjobs, overuse of the word pretty, pretty boys being pretty, reader is shameless, joshua's a wreck, soonyoung cameo at the beginning, sorta proofread, sorry for any mistakes xx

you've always taken a liking to the pretty boy living in the apartment across yours. you've seen him around campus and had him for one of your classes so it wasn't like you were a total stranger, you two had interacted before. like the times the two of you left your apartments at the same time and awkwardly bowed your heads towards each other before the both of you went your respective ways.

you had to admit, the boy was cute. his black hair messily fanned across his forehead, and you've seen the way his eyes slip into crescent moons whenever you catch a glimpse of him smiling during class. you'd be lying if you said he didn't interest you.

deciding to get closer to the pretty boy, you approach him during class. from the short talk you had with him you found out two things. 1, his name, joshua, and 2, he was valedictorian of his graduating class in highschool.

you had given him your number, passing it off with some shitty excuse of "if any one of us ever misses class we can catch the other up, yeah?"

luckily for you joshua didn't seem to think twice about your lame excuse. he nodded, chuckling as you saved your number into his phone. you cursed your heart as you felt it flutter at his laugh. damn it.

______________________________________

the next time you saw him was at a café. he was a few people ahead of you in line. the boy picked up the hot chocolate he ordered and made his way to a table in the corner. cute. your thoughts were interrupted when someone behind you coughed, signalling for you to order. embarrassed, you mutter an apology and quickly order your drink to catch up to him.

"hi joshua! is it alright if i sit here?" you asked warily, slightly afraid he would say no. but of course, this was joshua hong.

he nodded, "of course. i was going to get in some extra studying before my next class but this is okay as well!"

"oh shit i'm so sorry. i could leave if you'd like?"

joshua brushes it off, "oh no you're fine, i've prepared enough, really!" he returns the smile you pass him and you feel your heart soar.

the rest of your time at the café is filled with mindless chattering of the project your professor assigned, the upcoming exam for your class, and joshua's work habits. you learn he loves being involved on campus, joining clubs and helping out when he can. you also learn he doesn't really take many breaks from school, instead opting to head to his apartment right after work.

"you really don't go out? not even by yourself?" you wonder, curious to how he even survives. junior year of college isn't the easiest. joshua blushes, not wanting to seem like a complete loser.

"well...i..i go to the shops a lot? to get food and stuff...and i go to the park a lot too? when i want to relax..." he trails off, not being able to think of anything else. his cheeks are red and he's shuffling nervously, awaiting your reply.

you simply smile. "that's cute, joshua. is it enough for you though? like, is it ever enough to feel completely free? sometimes it's good to forget about school, you know. there's a lot more to college than grades and studying," you tell him, sipping your drink. "not that it's a bad thing to focus on that stuff, of course." you add, not wanting to make him feel bad.

"i-i mean yeah..." he chews on his lip. "i'm kind of used to it all, i've been like this since highschool. sometimes it does become too much but there isn't really anything i can do about it." he finishes. you hum, impressed by his work ethic but also feeling pity for the poor boy.

"if it works then it works, nothing wrong with that. how about work?" you play with the straw in your drink.

"i work here, actually. it's not the most money, but it's enough for me to buy what i need, with a few dollars extra to buy miscellaneous items." he replies and as if on cue, an employee from the cafe strolls up to your table.

"hey, josh! you working later today?" the boy, who you recognize as soonyoung from one of your classes, wipes the table next to yours with a rag.

joshua nods, "after class, yes." soonyoung looks to you, stopping his cleaning.

"oh, hey y/n! i didn't know you knew joshua. small world, isn't it?" soonyoung laughs at his own comment.

joshua looks between the two of you, his brows furrowing. "you two know each other?"

"i have him for physics," you say at the same time soonyoung says, "i have her for physics!" the both of you stare at each other before soonyoung laughs and walks away, muttering something about how the world works in crazy ways.

you look over at joshua and he shrugs, sipping on his hot chocolate. you end up walking out of the café until the two of you need to part ways.

"see you in class, y/n!" joshua walks off hurriedly and you watch as the bunny keychain on his bag bounces with each step.

__________________________________

the two of you seemed to click together instantly and spent more time together than you first thought you would. you had a habit of going out together on the weekends and although at first it took an embarrassingly long time convincing joshua that it was okay to actually leave campus, now it's something he suggests himself. and it wasn't rare for joshua to spend the night over at your place, usually when the two of you are staying up late studying, but there are also times when joshua invites himself over, claiming he can't sleep. you don't understand how you help with that, especially since he sleeps on your couch on those nights but hey, you could never say no to him. you have been to his place before but most of your time together is spent at your place, seeing as you always have a full fridge.

of course with all positives come a negative, and you find your feelings for the pretty boy have become increasingly harder to ignore. through your time with him you've also learned he's incredibly fun to tease. the boy flushes at the mere mention of sex and doesn't seem to have any idea of even the basics. of course you aren't stupid and know very well what that means but joshua's always quick to shut any idea of him being a virgin down.

"i have done stuff before, y/n! i p-promise!" though the way he shuffles on his couch screams otherwise.

you chuckle. "i believe you, joshua, i swear. it's just fun to tease you like this. you become a blushing mess and it makes me want to ruin you." you tease, not really realizing the impact of your words until you notice joshua's cheeks flare up.

"...wh-what—what did you say?" joshua stutters, not daring to look up from where he's staring down at his hands.

"i was joking, shua! i wouldn't do anything to you if you didn't want me to." you laugh. hearing that makes joshua flush even more, your choice of words causing him to believe you want to do things to him.

"a-and...and if i wanted you to?" he admits after a couple minutes of silence. sighing, you take his shaking hand into yours.

"then i would do anything you'd ask. so long as you're okay with it." you shrug. joshua's mind is spinning, jealous at how you could be so casual with this while he was shaking like a leaf. it wasn't fair.

joshua slowly lifts his head and looks you in the eye, a look of determination settled on his face. "i want you to," his shaky voice betrays him and you smile fondly, reaching a hand up to stroke his cheek. "to ruin me." he finishes.

"you're so cute, joshua. really, you are. have you ever kissed anyone, pretty?" the new nickname has joshua almost whimpering, not used to this kind of attention.

he shakes his head, "n-no...i haven't really...done anything...with anyone..." his head drops in shame.

you lift his head to look at you, staring into his eyes. "there's nothing to be ashamed of, pretty. i'll take care of you, if you allow me to." your words have him shuddering and he nods, so desperate already.

"i need words, joshua." he swears he almost moans then, biting his lip and managing to form a shaky yes.

dragging your hand to his neck you pull him in for a kiss. his lips slot against yours and you can tell he's nervous by the way his fingers tap against his thigh. you intertwine your other hand with his in hopes of calming his nerves. luckily it seems to work, his kisses becoming less shaky.

as the kisses become hotter and more desperate you pull away and he whines, chasing your lips.

"it's okay, baby. just a little change of position." you drag his thighs to pull him into your lap and he yelps, hands coming up to grip your shoulders. joshua flushes as the nickname and the closeness of you two hits him simultaneously.

"is this alright, pretty?" you hum, bouncing your intertwined hands on his thigh. joshua opens his mouth to answer but his breath gets caught in his throat and you laugh. he's so unbelievably precious. joshua nervously smiles at you.

you pull him in for a kiss again, your hand going up to his hair. deciding to experiment a bit you tug at his strands lightly and he moans into your mouth. pleased, you pull his hips closer to you. you detach from his lips and kiss down his jaw and neck. little whimpers leave joshua's lips and you see him bite his lips as if to muffle his noises.

"uh-uh don't hide your noises from me, pretty boy." your thumb reaches up to tug his bottom lip out from under his teeth. joshua nods and you take the time to examine how gorgeous he looks right now. his lips are swollen from the kissing and biting, black hair messier than you could ever imagine, and a blush lays prettily on his cheeks all the way down to his collarbones peeking out from his shirt.

his eyes are glazed over with desire and need. when he looks down at your thumb you get an idea. hesitantly, as if to just test the waters, you poke at his lips with your thumb, circling his mouth. as if reading your mind, he slowly opens his mouth, allowing you to slip your thumb between his lips.

"suck." you order, the rest of your fingers curling around his jaw. joshua obeys, his tongue and mouth working together to engulf your thumb. his head bobs and when you apply more pressure to his tongue his eyes slip shut, a cute whimper leaving him.

"oh, you like that? sucking on my fingers like this? of course you do. does it make you feel good?" joshua's moaning at your words, his hips beginning to lightly rub against yours. you chuckle at his pathetic attempts to pleasure himself.

"already so needy? i haven't even touched you and you're already so hard." he whines against your thumb. taking your thumb out of his mouth you pull him into another kiss, basking in the way he moans into your mouth.

"let's head to your room, yeah? your first time shouldn't be on a couch." you tap his thigh and he shuffles off your lap, taking your hand and leading you to his room. walking in you realize you've never been here before, and suddenly you're reminded of who it is you're doing this with.

his room is very clean and neatly organized. you take a second to look around, taking it all in. his desk is filled with random school stuff and you catch a glimpse of his assignment from your guys' class. on his dresser you see cute little houseplants, some random bottles you assume to be colognes and perfumes, and what looks to be a projector.

"what's this?" you gesture to it, walking closer to examine it properly.

"it's a...it's a star projector...when you turn it on it lights up and fills the room with little stars...i like turning it on when i can't sleep..." joshua nervously mumbles, scared you might find it childish. instead, you smile and you feel your heart melt. god how much cuter can he get.

turning around you see joshua sitting on the edge of the full sized bed in the middle of the room. he stares up at you and you notice the way his eyes are still glossy, and when you see the tent in his pants you remember what you're here for. dragging him into a kiss you push him into the mattress and he moans against your lips.

you hold yourself up with one hand and reach the other around to tug at his hair, using his moan as an opportunity to slip your tongue into his mouth. grinding down on his clothed crotch he whines pathetically into your mouth.

you pull away and rest your forehead against his to catch your breath.

"...please..." joshua begs, unsure of what he's asking for himself.

"what do you want, joshua? tell me what you want, pretty." you grind against him once more and he whimpers needily.

"i don't...i don't know..." his cheeks flare up and you're reminded he has absolutely no experience whatsoever.

"that's okay, baby. i'll help you. it's all about you today, so tell me what you want. we don't have to do anything you don't want to, you can say no at anytime." you reassure him, sensing how nervous he is. kissing his cheek you pull away, sitting against the head board. he makes his way into your lap and let's his head fall onto your shoulder.

"i don't think i'm completely ready for it yet...i'm sorry y/n..." he trails off and you swear you hear him sniffle. your hand reaches up to card your fingers through his hair, pulling him away from your shoulder to face you.

"hey, listen, shua. don't apologize. at all. it's okay. look at me," his eyes are still focused on your shoulder, not wanting to meet your gaze. he shifts his eyes to your face and you can see how desperate he is and how his eyes are laced with worry. "we don't have to do anything you don't want to."

he nods and you kiss his nose, then his cheeks, and forehead, and nose again until you're littering tiny pecks all over his face and he's smiling again. you kiss him again, more innocent this time, and you try to convey your feelings for him through this kiss, letting him know you care for him regardless of whether you two have sex or not. you can tell the message gets through to him by the way he shyly looks down when you pull away.

the scene would look incredibly awkward to anyone else. joshua's sitting in your lap, head on your shoulder, with you gazing down at him warmly. the mood is most certainly not matching the hard on in joshua's sweatpants. but you found it all the more endearing, and you weren't going to make anymore advances unless he wanted it.

joshua is reminded of the problem in his pants and he flushes once more. he may not be ready for the real deal, but he certainly wants to get off tonight. slowly, he grinds his hips. you don't even notice he's doing it until his breath hitches and he grips onto your arms for leverage, quickening his pace.

"..a-ah...i'm sorry...im just–" he's cut off with a moan and you nod at him, signalling you understand.

"i know, baby, i know. do you want a little help?" he nods furiously. you guide his hips a bit more, thrusting up to meet his moves. the friction has joshua's eyes rolling back, not used to such sensations.

"do you want to get off on my thigh, pretty? or do you want more? what more can i do hmm..?" you hum, stroking joshua's hair as he keeps up his movements.

he shakes his head, "help me, please. please help me—touch me please." joshua reluctantly slows his thrusts, staring up at you with his pretty eyes. smiling, you nod. grabbing his wrists you change your positions, now hovering over him.

you kiss down his neck, nipping and sucking at the skin. joshua melts into the mattress, his hands gripping the sheets. you play with the bottom of his shirt, looking up at him. he nods, lifting his arms to allow you to slip the shirt over his head.

you take a minute to admire his body. his torso is slim and his skin is even, small moles littering his skin here and there. he's so gorgeous, you think. you let your eyes wander up to his neck, hickeys beginning to bloom, a pretty contrast with his fair skin. you're interrupted from your thoughts when joshua makes a noise of embarrassment, hands coming up to cover his blushing face.

"don't hide from me, joshua. you're beautiful." you coax, grabbing his wrists to lower his hands. you smirk at the way he whines at the praise.

"th-thank you..." you stroke his cheek before continuing your way down his torso to his waistband. you thumb at his pants and he lifts his hips, allowing you to slip the sweats off his legs.

joshua's face is burning up, not used to being so exposed. you're settled between his legs, hovering over the pretty boy.

"you look so pretty like this, shua. such a pretty boy you are." joshua whimpers, your words of praise going straight to his cock. you litter a few more kisses on his torso, going lower until you reach his boxers. you give open mouthed kisses to his length, the dark patch by his tip spreading the more you toy with him. moaning, joshua thrusts up against your mouth.

"no no, pretty. patience. i'll take care of you i promise. good boys wait patiently, and you're a good boy, right joshua? you'll be a good boy for me?" you tease, removing his boxers completely.

joshua nods desperately. "y-yes...i'm a good boy...your good boy..." he whines at his own words, the praise becoming too much. his neglected cock lays against his stomach, precum leaking over the tip and onto his belly. the hair down there is neatly trimmed and for whatever reason that makes you smile. cute.

"of course you are, joshua. my beautiful good boy. waiting so patiently." his hands are moving about, not sure where to put them as he tries his hardest not to grind his hips up. grabbing his wrists you hold them above his head, pressing a kiss to his forehead while you're there. "keep these up here, don't move. you can do that right?" joshua whimpers, nodding.

letting go of his wrists you turn your attention back to his cock. giving kitten licks to the head you glance up, taking in all of joshua's needy noises and using that to motivate you. you leave little kisses on the head before you take him into your mouth, joshua's hips jolting in response.

taking his entire length in your mouth was quite easy, not that he was small or anything, but he wasn't the biggest either. joshua's moans spill out of his mouth, hips slightly bucking before you rest a hand on his hips, stilling his body on the bed. your tongue circles his tip while your other hand works on the rest of his length. the extra attention to his sensitive head has joshua whining, breath catching in his throat when you lick over his slit.

"feels good—oh god—feels so good..." you pull off his cock, your hand still stroking him. you notice the way his hands are still right where you told him to keep them, his eyes shut in bliss as your hand works to pleasure him. you find yourself smiling at how obedient he is.

his legs wrap around your waist, bringing you closer to him. leaning down you suck more marks onto his skin. joshua's moans are higher now, and with the way his hips are sloppily thrusting into your hand you're certain he's close.

"are you close, shua?" nodding, he opens his eyes to meet yours. "good boys ask for permission." your wrist works faster, thumb rubbing his slit.

"please...can i please...y-y/n...please can i cum..." he twitches against you, desperate for release. you jerk your wrist and joshua thrashes his head against the pillows, his thighs shaking with pleasure. you lean down to press soft kisses to his inner thighs, sucking marks onto the smooth skin.

"yes pretty boy, you can. cum for me, joshua." his back arches off the bed, streaks of cum coating his torso and your hand. you pull off when he's writhing from overstimulation, hands gripping the pillow above his head.

cute whimpers leave his lips when you clean him up, the post orgasm aftershocks combined with your gentle touches have him on cloud nine. joshua's eyes are closed, sweaty hair stuck to his forehead. as gently as you can you pull him into your lap, being mindful of how sensitive he still is.

you stroke his hair out of his forehead, caressing his cheeks while he comes down from his high.

"hello, pretty boy. you did so good for me, shua. you were wonderful." you coo when he opens his eyes, his lips turning upwards at your words. joshua opens his mouth to say something but he coughs last minute, throat scratchy from all his moaning.

"oh i'm sorry, pretty. here, drink up." you press a water bottle against his lips, guiding him. when he's had enough he pulls away, head immediately dropping back on your chest.

"how was it? did you enjoy it?" you question, intertwining your hand with his.

"it was good...thank you y/n." he smiles up at you, squeezing your hand. you return the smile, rubbing his back and coaxing him to rest. joshua's eyes shut and he drifts off to sleep.

sighing softly you shift your positions so joshua's laying next to you. he hugs your waist in his sleep, cuddling you closer to him and you wrap your hands around his naked waist. bringing the sheets up to cover the both of you, you let yourself rest as well.

---------------------------------------------

[hannahshattuck]

Captain Firefighter

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader

Warnings: fluff, angst, slight graphic description of injury, car accident

Steve Rogers Masterlist Main Masterlist

BEEP BEEP BEEP. BEEP BEEP BEEP.

You groaned as you slapped your hand around the nightstand trying to find your phone with the alarm going off. When you finally found it, you grabbed it and opened one eye to turn it off. You checked the time and realized you should get up to make sure you weren’t late on your first day at your new job. With a groan, you slowly sat up and noticed you were naked and had a pounding headache.

“Great. Hungover on the first day.” You mumbled as you rubbed your temples.

A groan behind you caught your attention. “God. I’m not drinking ever again.” 

You looked over your shoulder and saw a blond man laying on his back rubbing his hands over his face. The blankets sat at his hips which put his built torso on display. His chest looked like a good place to rest your head and it seemed like his abs had abs. You quickly found your underwear on the floor and a navy blue tee shirt and put them on. You stood facing him and tried to smile even though it felt like a construction crew was in your skull. 

“Um, hi.” You said.

The man brought his hands from his face and laid them on his chest. “Hi.” 

The two of you awkwardly stared at each other and you hoped you were smiling more than grimacing. The man sat up, keeping the sheet covering him and stood looking for most likely his underwear. He found black boxer briefs and put them on without moving the sheet which was impressive to say the least. 

Once he got them on, he dropped the sheet on the bed and found what seemed to be his jeans. He pulled them on and looked up at you and chuckled.

“I need my shirt.” He smirked.

You looked down. “Oh..” You found one of your sweatshirts in your dresser, along with shorts, and started towards the bathroom connected to your bedroom. “I’m just gonna…” You trailed off pointing to the bathroom.

He smiled, “Alright.”

You ducked into the bathroom and quickly locked the door. “Oh god.” You whispered to yourself. You quickly changed out of his shirt and into your clothes. 

You left the bathroom and saw him sitting on the edge in your bed on his phone. You cleared your throat.

“Uh, here you go.” You held his shirt out to him. He stood up and it was then when you realized how tall he was. You were eye level with his chest and had to title your head up to look in his eyes that were a very bright blue.

He took his shirt and put it on without breaking eye contact. “Thanks.”

“Mhm.” You hummed. 

“I don’t remember a lot from last night but I do know you said you start a new job today so good luck on that and I hope you don’t feel too bad today.” He bent down and kissed your cheek. You felt your face heat up.

“I-I’ll walk you out.” You walked out your bedroom and led the way to the front door of your apartment. The living wasn’t a mess so that told you the two of you went straight to your room. You unlocked the front door and opened it to let him out. “I, uh, hope you have a good day.”

He smiled before he walked out the door, “You too.”

You closed the door and leaned your forehead against the cool wood. “Fuck me.”

--------------------

You pulled up into an empty parking spot and grabbed your backpack with all your stuff once you parked. Looking towards the fire station, you saw both big garage doors open and saw your soon to be coworkers messing around or cleaning or working out. You swung your backpack over one shoulder and started walking toward the station. 

“Hey! It’s the newbie!” You turned your head in the direction of the voice and saw a dark skin man waving at you. “Hi! I’m Sam.” 

“Hi.” You waved back. 

“Wilson, keep mopping. It’s your fault there’s whip cream everywhere.” A red head woman said as she walked over to you. “Hi, I’m Natasha.” She held out her hand.

“Y/N.” You said, shaking her hand. “Do I want to know why he’s mopping up whip cream?” You chuckled. 

Natasha playful rolled her eyes, “In between last night calls the boys were pulling pranks.” 

You couldn’t help but giggle. “Ah. That makes sense.”

“Yeah,” Natasha laughed. “They’re lucky it was our captain’s day off last night. Otherwise he would have laid into them and made them clean every nook and cranny of this place.”

“Is your captain here?” You fiddled with the strap of your backpack.

Natasha shook her head. “Not yet. He texted me earlier saying he was gonna be running late. Apparently had a good night if you know what I mean.” She wiggled her eyebrows playfully which caused you to chuckle. “Let’s get you settled before he arrives.”

She led you to the lockers, where you filled yours, and gave a quick run down of where everything is before leading you to the ambulance. You found out that Natasha is one of the paramedics they have and you two would be partners. 

“Okay, so here’s how everything is organized. We do share the ambulance with other shifts but we all got together and figured out where to put everything. If you figure out that a certain supply would be easier to grab in a different spot just send a quick text in the group chat we have for all the paramedics and EMTs. Oh! Speaking of which, let me get your number so I can add you.” Natasha pulled out her phone from her pocket and you gave her your number. “Most of the time we’re like a high school chat with the amount of memes we send.” 

You chuckled knowing exactly what she meant. She continued to show you around the ambulance and then started to introduce you to the other firefighters. You already met Sam when you walked in and he seemed to be done with mopping the whipped cream. Then met James Barnes; who goes by Bucky because there’s two named James but it’s also a childhood nicknamed that stayed, Clint Barton; whose Golden Retriever named Lucky is the station dog and loves pizza apparently, Wanda and Pietro Maximoff; who are twins and moved to the States when they were kids, James Rhodes; who goes by Rhodey and is the other James, and then was told that Carol Danvers, Maria Hill, Peter Parker, Scott Lang and Hope Van Dyne you would meet another time due to them being off.

“Sorry I’m late!” A voice boomed throughout the station. You turned in the direction of said voice and your breath got caught in your throat.

“Shit.” You mumbled under your breath.

“I know right.” Natasha smirked. “I’m kidding. One thing you’ll quickly see is how we all tease each other.”

You awkwardly chuckled, “Oh okay.” 

He noticed you standing with Natasha and you saw his face pale before he schooled his features and walked over to you. He was now wearing the same uniform everyone else was and it was fitting him perfectly just like the jeans and tee he put on this morning when he left your apartment.

“Hi there. You must be the new EMT we were sent.” He placed his hands in the pockets of his pants and stood there exuding authority. 

“Uh, yeah.” You tried to smile hoping it was an actual smile. 

“Steve. Or Captain Rogers. Or Rogers. Or Cap like everyone else seems to call me.” He chuckled as he held his hand out for you to shake.

“Y/N.” You said as you shook his hand while your brain so helpfully supplied an image of those hands around your waist.

“Let’s head to my office before we get a call. There’s some housekeeping things I want you to know.” 

You hummed an acknowledgement and followed him to his office trying to keep your gaze in the middle of his back or the floor so as to not focus on his behind that was contained by the uniform pants. Steve opened the door and motioned for you to walk through the doorway.

“You can have a seat in one of those chairs if you’d like.”

You quickly walked over to the chairs in front of his desk and sat down. He sat in the rolling chair on the other side and leaned back in the chair studying you. Instead of meeting his gaze, you looked down at your pants picking off pieces of invisible lint.

“Well,” Steve cleared his throat and leaned forward to place his forearms on his desk with his fingers interlocked with each other. “I will say that this is not how I expected this shift to go.”

You chuckled, still staring at your pants. “You and me both.”

“I don’t want to make this uncomfortable for you and I can work it out to where we won’t be on the same shift. But, I do want you to be here because I’ve seen your scores for all the tests and they’re phenomenal.” Steve said. 

“Thanks,” You mumbled with a slight heat in your cheeks. “And you don’t have to change anything. I’ll admit it might be weird the first couple days but I’ll be fine.” You gain the courage to look at him and saw his ocean blue eyes watching you. 

“Not to make this any more awkward than it kinda is but I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you since I left your place.” Now it was Steve’s turn to blush. “I promise I’m not trying to come onto you but, uh, I just needed to say that.” He looked down at his desk and fiddled with his thumbs.”

“Well if it’s any consolation I haven't stopped thinking about you either.” You smiled. 

Steve opened his mouth to say something but then the bell rang signaling that there was a call. “Well, let’s start your first shift.” 

You two stood up from your seats and Steve opened the door for you to go first. You gave him a smile as you thanked him. 

“Let’s do that.” You chuckled and took off towards the ambulance with Natasha. 

--------------------

It’s been a few months since your first day and the team has felt more like a family every day. Natasha has felt like a sister to you, Sam has gotten a run for his money when you’ve played pranks and your relationship with Steve has gotten…...closer. You ended up telling Natasha that you slept with him and she couldn’t help but laugh. When you asked why she was laughing she said, “Well, I don’t blame you. He is a nice snack.” You couldn’t disagree with her on that. Steve and you talked about how you two wouldn’t let that night affect you two working together but neither of you could ignore that there were feelings for the other. 

“Hey Y/N!! Can you call Lucky over? He keeps trying to drink the soapy water!” Clint yells across the firehouse where he, Bucky, Sam, and Rhodey were trying to was one of the trucks.

“Yeah. No problem. Lucky! C’mere!” You whistled. The Golden Retriever came bounding over to you and jumped into your arms licking you all over your face. You giggled as you gently pushed him away to go over to his toys and grabbed a tug rope. 

As you were playing with Lucky and wearing him out, the alarm that signaled a call sounded. Dispatch said an ambulance was needed for a car accident. It was always difficult to tell how bad car accidents are until you get there. You and Wanda, who you found out was another EMT, were on shift and ran to the ambulance to head to where the accident was. The accident was at an intersection that always had a lot of accidents whether it be minor or major. 

When you and Wanda arrived, there were already two ambulances there which told the two of you how bad it was. There were at least six cars involved. One was wrapped around a tree, two looked like they collided head on, and the three rear ended each other. There looked to be people out of some cars but your biggest worry was the one wrapped around the tree. You asked one of the other EMTs if any of them checked on the patient of the car around the tree and they said they got there a few seconds before you and Wanda. 

You yelled for Wanda to grab the bags while you ran over to check on whoever it was in the car. Your breath got caught in your throat as you saw it was Steve in the driver’s seat. He was unconscious, slumped over the steering wheel. You gently leaned him back so you could check his front for injuries. Steve had a cut above his eyebrow causing blood to trickle down his face, his left arm was broken which also had the bone poking through the skin, the steering wheel dashboard trapped his legs which caused you to not assess the injuries there. 

“Oh my god.” Wanda gasped when she saw who it was. 

“Wanda,” You turned to look at her. “I know it’s Steve but we treat him like every other person we’ve treated before. Okay?”

She swallowed and nodded her head. Wanda pulled out a cervical collar and handed it to you so you can place it around Steve’s neck to prevent any hidden injuries from getting worse. You called over your shoulder to have Wanda get the spine board. She nodded and ran to the ambulance. A groan pulled your attention back to the man in the banged up vehicle. 

“Steve? Hey big guy. Can you open your eyes for me?” You gently coaxed.

“Wha-? Y/N? What are you doin here?” His speech was slurred but you couldn’t tell if it was because he was regaining consciousness or if the cut on his head was more than just a cut.

“You got in a car accident. Do you know what happened?” You asked as you placed the collar around his neck.

Steve scrunched his face trying to think. “I-I can’t remember.” He started to panic. “Why can’t I remember?”

“Steve, you need to calm down.” You grabbed his wrists so he wouldn’t hurt himself. “Right now I need to check over your injuries.” You heard footsteps behind you and saw the spine board placed next to you. Wanda started getting stuff out of the bag to bandage the cut on Steve’s head. 

The two of you started to assess what you could see but you knew the steering wheel dashboard needed to get moved. You stood up and turned to see if there were any firefighters who could help and saw Sam, Bucky, Clint, and Rhodey all running over to you. They looked over your shoulder and saw it was Steve. 

“What do you need?” Sam asked. 

“His legs are trapped so we need to get those out.”

“Alright. Guys, let’s get the equipment to help.” The men took off back to the fire engine and you turned your attention back to Steve. 

“Hey. I’m going to ask you some questions, okay?” You asked Steve. He mumbled a ‘yes’ and you started asking questions which would assess his mental status. You heard many pairs of footsteps running back over to you and saw Sam out the corner of your eye. You, Sam, and the rest of your team who were there, worked together to get Steve out from being trapped in the car. Once his legs were free, you all placed him on the spine board while Clint and Wanda went to get the gurney. 

“Everything hurts.” Steve groaned in pain. 

“I know, honey.” Unintentionally letting the pet name slip out. “I’m gonna get you some meds for that.” You got everything to get an IV in his arm to distribute pain meds. Wanda and Clint came back with the gurney and everyone loaded him up on the gurney, then into the ambulance, and Wanda jumped in the driver seat and started heading to the hospital. 

“Y/N.” Steve whispered. “I’m glad that you were there.”

You smiled and grabbed his hand. “Well I’m glad that you’re alright for the most part.”

“You called me ‘honey’.”

“Eh. Pet names like that slip from me at times. Sorry if it was unprofessional.”

He gently shook his head as best he could with the collar on. “No, I actually liked it.” 

You could see a sense of determination in his eyes. “How ‘bout we focus on you getting better before we talk about possibly dating and what that means for our jobs.”

Steve’s jaw dropped. “How’d you know?”

“Steve. Honey.” You winked at him. “It’s my job to check for even the smallest facial expressions in order to see how much pain someone is in.”

“Oh. That makes sense.”

You shook your head chuckling, checking over his injuries you could see to make sure none have gotten worse. 

Wanda pulled into the ambulance bay of the hospital where three nurses met you and helped you roll Steve into the hospital. He went to surgery for his arm and to make sure there were know serious internal injuries. You were there by his bedside in recovery when he woke up. The two of you would figure out logistics with the budding relationship at a later date but knew you couldn’t wait too long. 

Steve mumbled as he was coming out of the anesthesia. He opened his eyes a bit and saw you sitting there. “Hi.” He closed his eyes with a smile on his face. 

You smiled. “Hi. How you feeling?”

Steve mumbled incoherently which caused you to chuckle. 

“Alright.” You grabbed his right hand, being careful of the IV line, in both of yours. “You get more rest.” Steve mumbled more as you placed a kiss on his knuckles.

Tags: @patzammit @bobbydearest @katiew1973 @rocketrhap3000 @harrysthiccthighss @justamarvelfan14​ @this-kitten-is-smitten​

[lululawrence]

Can u please be nicer on ao3? Maybe you should try answering people's comments

when i read the first line i was honestly flabbergasted and wracking my brain trying to figure out when in the world i wasn't nice on ao3 ever. because i honestly truly try to be nice to everyone always, even when i'm angry or frustrated or people are going after those i love and want to protect. if there was a time i WASN'T nice on ao3, i wondered if it was maybe because my comment had been misunderstood or someone saw me razzing an author i'm good friends with and they didn't get that we are close and i said what i did with so much love and appreciation, you know? like what??? did i do???

but then i read your second line. and please forgive me if i come off as rude in my response to this, because honestly i'm in a pretty bad spot mentally and emotionally in general right now, but PARTICULARLY today, and this ask triggered an anxiety response in me. so. i'm trying really hard to word this in a way to educate without being condescending or mean, but i might not succeed.

firstly, thank you for your comments i'm assuming you've left. i'm also assuming they were nice comments, in which case extra thanks. i'm sure i'll send you effusive responses on ao3 when the time comes.

secondly, please understand that sending an ask like this, on anonymous no less, is incredibly entitled. writing is not my profession, i receive no compensation for my works that i post for free online, and as a part of that it is not required of me to respond. i do my very best to reply to every comment i receive, but it is not always in a timely manner, because i have other priorities in my life. all of which leads us to my third point, which is:

writers do not owe you a reply to your comments. end of. there are no other qualifications or quantifying modifiers to be added to the statement. is it nice to be acknowledged and know your comment was seen? sure. but do they OWE you one? hell no.

in fact, i'd like to offer you a suggestion. a way of tweaking your thinking about the comments you leave on fics. instead of looking at comments you leave as being something that deserves a reply from the author, think of your comments as your way of paying the author for the gift of their time and talents that they have shared with you by posting their fic. that's how i think of the comments i leave for authors. i'm giving them my thanks for the words they've shared! i want to help THEM feel as amazing as they have made ME feel when i read their fic. in fact, my hope isn't necessarily a response from them, but instead my hope is THE GIFT OF THEM SHARING MORE FIC WITH ME. i'm a selfish bitch in that way and i always want all the fic to read. i never want that well to go dry. one way i can ensure that doesn't happen is by supporting authors and being kind to them and spreading all the love and excitement i can about their writing in the hopes that my words will inspire them to share more.

because whether they reply or not, i GUARANTEE they are seeing your comments. i PROMISE they are. and for all you know, your comment might be the one that keeps them writing even when their words aren't coming easily or when they are tempted to give up.

but, again, please remember that no matter what, these authors (including me) don't actually owe you anything.

the rest of this is going under a cut, because honestly my reply is already far too long and i have a LOT more to say now that you've gotten me started.

now, all of this in mind, i'll explain to you why i'm not great with keeping up with comments made on my fics the last couple of years. i don't owe you this explanation any more than i owe you a response to your comments, and i'm honestly not sure you deserve this explanation either, but i'll still offer it anyway. it'll help me feel better knowing i at least put this out there, whether you care or not, mainly because if i don't do that it will cause me greater anxiety having you possibly think i am not responding to people because i feel all high and mighty or that i think i'm better than the comments or whatever the fuck kind of motivation you're attributing to me to see my lack of a response as something "not nice" towards the commenters.

i'm not sure if you've noticed, but i put out a lot of fic. like a lot. a lot of words and shit. i love writing, it's often my therapy and a way for me to help keep my anxiety and depression and ptsd at bay.

now, more personal shit for you, i've got three kids ages 9 and under. the oldest has adhd which we have yet to find a med for that helps to the extent she needs without side effects that aren't healthy for her to continue with, she also has anxiety, AND she's extremely gifted and starting a new program at a new school, all in the midst of a pandemic. and all of those situations exacerbate her anxiety! huzzah! she's also dealing with the beginning of her tween growing up shit, which is great fun because it means where she used to be pretty damn understanding of her younger brother, she is finding it much more difficult to. because the second oldest? he's autistic with some pretty significant gross motor, speech, and socialization delays that have only been exacerbated because of the previously mentioned pandemic. PLUS he transitioned from his special needs preschool to a fully integrated elementary school for kindergarten last year and then had to deal with all the ups and downs of the switch from e-learning to hybrid to all in schooling when everything in him screams for a normal schedule he can rely on to keep his own anxieties and fears and struggles at their minimum. and that youngest child? he was born in january of last year. he STILL barely leaves the house and has only met other children in close range a couple of times because, once again, pandemic!

add onto all of this my own mental health issues, the fact that my husband ALSO battles major clinical depression, adhd, and anxiety, AND we live with my parents who have their own health issues, both mental and physical. i run the home for our house of seven. i keep this place functioning, fed, clothed, clean, and everywhere we need to be for all of our five million appointments every. fucking. day. there is a REASON i've been borderline burnt out for the last fucking year and a half.

now, for fun, i have fandom shit. i love it here, even if it is a dumpster fire on the best of days, and getting to be a part of the writing community is so very lovely. i adore it. honestly, it's because of those friendships i've built with other writers that i have been able to keep writing and have found just how helpful it can be for my mental health. but i'm REALLY. INCREDIBLY. BUSY. i hardly have time to get on tumblr for just a quick swipe through my dash most days. i put off asks so long i forget i have them. i don't have the mental and emotional capacity to talk to people on here or interact fully a lot of the time. but i do my best to do so and be kind while i'm at it even when i don't want to be.

then, on top of that? i also run fic fests like @wordplayfics and help friends run their own. because not only am i a writer, i'm a reader. i LOVE fic. fic has saved me soooooo many times over the past seven years that i've been here. i want to do what i can to support other writers the best way i can, which is to provide a space for them to create their works that welcomes and helps promote them, but also by doing my monthly fic lists and pocast highlighting what i've been able to read, reblogging their fic posts, and then commenting and kudosing their fics too.

sometimes i get really fucking down on myself because i'm so behind on replying to comments, but my brain is very much a "if you start this, you have to finish it" kind of a brain, and i feel even WORSE sometimes if i reply to comments on some fics and not all of them. but i do my best and reply when i can. i was actually really fucking proud of myself because i had a couple days to myself in june, and i spent hours replying to comments on 20 of my fics. when you have almost 150 fics (i think? i don't even know how many fics i've posted by now), that is only scratching the surface. but i tried and i was so so happy i did that many fics at once. it's exhausting, though, and takes a lot of spoons for me to reply to them in mass like that plus time consuming. so i tried to be happy with those 20 fics and the comments i responded to there and told myself that when i ha a moment to breathe, i'd go and work on replying to some more.

but see, that again causes anxiety and guilt. because i haven't replied to all of them. and that anxiety and guilt can cause me to put it off further OR to put off important things like feeding my children or getting sleep in order to finish it, so i have to make myself put things into perspective and ensure i'm doing the important things, like taking care of myself and my family, first.

and then, i have a moment where i CAN go ahead and reply to comments... but i also have MANY fics that are on deadline and i actually have a schedule. a SCHEDULE. for when i'm going to focus on which fics. i can spell it out for you if you really want. i made it back in APRIL to make sure i didn't sign up for too many fic fests because there are so many going on right now that i want to participate in, but i know i can't do all of them so i had to pick and choose. and when you are SO overscheduled and busy that back in APRIL you had to figure out what fics you would focus on at what time to ensure you got everything written when you wanted to through THE END OF THE YEAR, more choices have to be made.

for example. my writing time and time for myself came down to only one evening a week for ALL fandom things i'm doing and a part of right now once the kids were out of school for the summer. it quickly became apparent that for my own self care i needed more time, so i worked with my husband to find two other days i could carve out at least 30-60 minutes to myself to write every week. and i did. but if i'm already only getting that much time and have committed to those fics and fests and things that you're running etc, you have to choose am i going to use this time to try to squeeze in some comment replies? or am i going to write? and i choose to write. simple as that.

so yeah. see it as selfish if you want. see it as mean. you can honestly see it as whatever the fuck you want, but for me? i know that as soon as i possibly can and i can breathe freely for once and not feel like i am constantly drowning in my day to day life and am doing pretty well when it comes to my fic deadlines and getting started on those christmas cards i'm once again going to be making by hand for everyone on tumblr who chooses to sign up for one this year out of the KINDNESS of my heart and the love i really do feel for so many of you, then i promise i'll be on ao3 catching up and commenting. my friends laugh and make fun of me for it sometimes, because they will sometimes get 10-12 replies to their comments in a single day. they know that's how i work. i WILL reply to every single comment i get, no matter how old it is. but for the love of all that is holy, do NOT add to the anxiety and guilt i already feel over it. the only place that will get you is the ask/comment getting deleted if it's a good day, a fucking long rant like this one if it's not, and a block if it's a REALLY bad day.

if you're asking me to be nice on ao3, then i ask in return that you also be nice by not demanding things of people that they are not in any way obligated to give.

[nahimjustfeelingit-writes]

It’s Your Fucking Birthday!

One-Shot. 

Daddy misses you. He wants that pretty pussy after you teased him on Zoom and FaceTime 😛💦 you coming to give him some of that pussy? 😏

You blew into the gold party horn in the webcam of your zoom call with your boyfriend, Erik, who is away for business in NYC. Erik covered his ears with a big, dimpled smile on his face. It was 12 AM where he was and 9 PM where you were. To get as close to your boyfriend as possible, you changed the background of your zoom call into a picture collage that you created. It’s all of your favorite pictures of Erik with a cute chocolate chip cookie frame. On your head is a gold party hat and you are wearing one of his favorite black hoodies. 

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABY!!! I love youuuuuuuu.” 

You make a heart shape with your hand before blowing him a few kisses.

“Thank you, beautiful, I love you too. This really means a lot right now. You called me at a good time too because I just got finished looking over this info for work. You are so fucking adorable look at that smile. And the background?! Damn, baby!!”

“Yessss I had to do it up for my baby!!” 

“This is the best happy birthday I received so far. It really sucks that I’m all the way here in NYC when I could be there with you.”

Erik’s kimono beads started vibrating and the patterns along the beads ignited an electric blue color. 

“It’s my auntie calling, baby girl. Let me take this.” 

“Take your time, I have to go do something real quick. I'll be back.” 

“Don’t be gone too long now!” Erik yelled into the zoom call before a holographic image of his Aunt Ramonda popped up. 

“Happy Birthday my handsome nephew!” 

“Thanks, auntie. I miss you.” 

“I miss you too, Daka. How is it in New York.” 

“Cold. T’Challa should be here later on today.”

“Are you going to rest and put off work for later? I hope so. This is your special day today.”

“Birthdays are just like any other day except I’m older.”

“Still, I want you to enjoy yourself. I’ll let you go, love you.” 

“Love you too, auntie.” 

When you came back Erik could hear you moving in the background but he couldn’t see you. You turned your camera off. 

“Babe? Why is your camera off?” He asked. 

“One second!!” 

“What are you up to now woman?!!” 

Erik stands from the couch in his hotel suite. He picks up his Macbook and the care package you sent him, taking it all with him into his room. Sitting everything on the bed, Erik takes off his hoodie, bare chest exposed now. His body is really filling out with all the training he’s been doing. It felt good for him to get back in the gym. 

“Baby...come on now, I’m tryna see that beautiful face.”  Erik said while staring at a black screen. 

“I told you I have another surprise for you.” 

Erik smirks before taking a seat on his bed. He has to angle his laptop up so she can see him better. He ruffles his locs as he waits patiently for you to appear again. 

“Baby—oh, damn.” 

You went all out for Erik. You’re wearing a piece from the new Savage Fenty collection. It’s a yellow amber, long-sleeve lace slip featuring a sexy keyhole cut out in the front. It came with a matching thong. It’s very revealing so Erik can see your breasts. You pose for him and twirl around with your ass poked out. He had this mesmerized look in his eyes with a smirk that showed a single deep dimple. 

“Mmm, spin around again...oh my God, baby.” 

“You love it? I know how much you love yellow on my skin.”

“I love it and I want to undress you with my hands not my eyes,” He looked you up and down with those beautiful brown eyes of his, “bend that ass over really quick—fuck.” 

You giggle at his words of appreciation for your body. He always hyped you up but each time felt like the first. You are his baby after all. 

“Somebody getting thick on me hold the fuck  up,” Erik laughs, “I don’t remember that ass sitting up and poking out like that! How did you get that ass like that, baby? Tell me.” 

“You already know why, Erik, stop,” you blush. 

“Nah, I want you to tell me why. It’s my birthday after all.”

“Quarantine fifteen!!” You said. 

“Nope. It’s the different positions, especially the back shots. Hitting that ass hard from the back got your cheeks looking like a big ass chocolate cake.”

“You really think that sex made me get thick? I have been getting back in the gym too.” 

“I mean...all of that plays a factor,” Erik licked his lips, “But all we’ve been doing for the past year is fucking. Nothing but sex. So I don’t know why I’m just noticing this now. That ass is fat mama.” 

“Mmm...I wish you could feel how soft it is too.” You said with a sultry voice. 

“Shit, me too. Bend over again….mmm...so sexy. Starting my day off with a bang.” 

“Open your package baby!”

You take a seat and watch Erik open his package that you sent him. When he finally got the box open, he smiled at you with a shake of his head. 

“The apple juice, baby? Really? my favorite.”

Erik shows you the two Martinelli’s Apple juices. 

“What else...ha, no you didn’t, let’s hope Boomer doesn't get to these.” 

It's a pair of men’s Ugg slippers. Boomer, Erik’s dog, chewed up his last pair. 

“Chocolate chip cookies!!! From Gooey On The Inside!!!” He instantly opened the pack up, “Baby. I was craving these cookies too. You’re a mind reader.” 

“I contacted her personally and I had them added to your package. You have one last thing in there, babe.” 

Erik pulls out a bottle of Hennessy. 

“I figured we can turn up together on zoom and you know...do other things.” 

“Other things? What’s that, baby?” 

You stand up and take off your panties. 

“Since I can’t be there to give you birthday sex in person...I figured we could do it together on zoom.”

The WIFI started acting up and your video froze. 

“Shit—babe?” 

“Yeah—can you see me clear now.” 

You came back into focus. 

“Yeah, I can see you,” Erik smiles. 

You started having a giggle fit and Erik looked at you with a confused expression on his face.

“Wait...did you start drinking without me? How turnt up are you right now?”

“I just had a few sips that’s all!”

“Nah, that’s a fucking yes. You’re turnt I don’t wanna hear that.” 

“Stop,” you whimper.

“Fuck, I miss you so much.” Erik said. 

“Me too.” 

You both stared at each other before you broke eye contact. 

“I would have you in my lap right now like I always do...my hand between your legs...fingers in your pussy.” 

“Mm,” you bite your lip, “I wish you could do that right now.” 

Erik pulled on the crotch of his grey sweatpants. He could feel himself growing thick and the sound of your voice coming out of the speakers had him imagining you there whispering and moaning in his ear. 

“What I wouldn’t give to fuck you right now.” He said. 

“Have you been stroking your dick since you’ve been away from me?” 

“Honestly...yes. I mean...you’re not here to take care of me so I gotta do it myself...have you been fingering your pussy since daddy isn’t there to do it?”

“Uh-huh...I wanna fuck you so good right now.”

“Woah,” Erik chuckles, “I know you would, baby. I’d fuck you good too.” 

“Baby...I wanna make you cum right now,” You moan.

“You gotta show me that pussy first.” 

You slowly lay back against the bed, spreading your thighs. Erik stares between your legs at your pussy barely covered in that yellow amber thong, your pussy lips begging to be free. Daddy’s favorite honey pot. It’s been days since he had that pussy in his mouth and resting on his tongue. 

“What I wouldn’t give to rip that thong with my teeth and put my face in your pussy.” 

“It’s crazy wet for you.” 

“Let me see,” He whispered. 

You tease him and show him just a little. 

“Nah, I wanna see that whole pussy. You’re not being very fair for my birthday, mama.”

Closing your thighs. You take your time and perform a little strip tease for him. You bring your legs up, your panties following the same trail before you kick them off. Your hand covers your pussy before you use your fingers to spread your lips for him to see.

“Oh, my God—

“I told you I was wet.”

“Stick a finger inside I wanna hear it.” 

Erik turns up his volume. You stick your middle finger inside and start wiggling it back and forth. Erik grabs his erection through his sweatpants and squeezes it. He was pulsating. 

“Fuck. It’s so creamy, baby. I wish I had that sweet pussy instead of these cookies.”

“Daddy...why aren’t you touching yourself?” 

“Ha, I’m sorry, baby…I got you...”

Erik lifts his hips from the bed and pushes his sweatpants down to his ankles. He wasn’t wearing any briefs. If he could be naked all day he would. He exhaled and threw his head back as soon as his hand wrapped around his thickness. 

“I haven’t sucked that dick in so long...I forgot how it feels to stretch my mouth around that fat dick.” 

“Would you be able to handle the way I fuck your mouth?” Erik asked. 

“I’m so hungry for your dick I’ll let you use my throat however you like.” 

Erok looked at his dick, “My shit is hard as fuck.” 

“I wish I could sit on it, mmm, it’s just missing my pussy for me to sit on.” 

“Why are you so far away?” 

Erik couldn’t take it. Both of you breathed heavily in the camera, caressing your own bodies, watching each other. 

“I want you to rub your clit.”

Your fingers started circling over your clit. With your other hand you pull your breasts out of your lace teddy for him to see. 

“You gotta get closer to the camera so I can see your pussy better...that’s it...no spread your legs down more...goddamn, ma. If I could lick this screen and taste that pussy I would.”

His dick was massive in the camera. He had to push it back to get the entire shaft in view. His dick was standing straight up and you wished you were there to really give him the best birthday treat ever. Your mouth and pussy. 

“You wouldn’t even have to do anything, daddy, I’ll ride that dick for your birthday.” 

“Nah...you know I can’t let you have all the fun. They have the best view with big windows. I was beating my dick last night to the thought of you pressed against the window…me fucking you from behind...pulling your hair.” 

“I want you to do that to me so bad,” You moaned, “Let me get my vibrator, I’ll be right back.” 

Still stroking his dick, Erik watches as you walk out of frame. He smacked his dick against his open palm before dragging his thumb over his wet tip. You finally came back with a vibrator Erik hadn’t seen before. It’s a clitoral pump vibrator with a fake tongue attachment and a g spot vibrator on the other end. It’s purple and pink with a suction attachment. Erik and yourself have used clitoral suckers plenty of times so you detach it from the vibrator so you can see how the oral sex stimulating tongue works. 

“When did you get that?” He asked 

“It came a few days ago...I waited until now to open it so I can use it while you watch.” 

“Hmm, all for me?”

“Always,” you get back into position and turn on the vibrator. The tongue starts wiggling up and down slowly but when you went through more levels it started flicking so fast it created a blur. 

“Dayummm, I can’t wait to see you put that thing on your clit. I already know you’re about to cum fast.” 

You dragged the vibrator up your leg and then you gently pressed the vibrating tongue against your pussy. Instantly your toes curl and you start to tremble. 

“FUCK!” You shout, hips twisting from side to side. 

“You’re making my dick drool baby omg...mmm...mmm...mmm...looks so tasty...pretty pussycat baby...keep that vibrator on your clit don’t you fucking stop...how do you want it baby? You want me to fuck you with that vibrator on your clit?”

“Yes, daddy!” 

Your hips lift from the bed. It was too much. As soon as you fell back against the bed your pussy started leaking. Thank god you put a towel down because your squirt came out like a fountain. 

“I told you that pussy was gonna cum fast,” Erik groped his balls, “I’ll lick all that mess up off your thighs and then eat that beautiful pussy.” 

“I can’t take it anymore—

“Nah, I want you to fuck that pussy with the other end.” 

“Daddy—

“Nope. Do what the fuck I tell you. I may not be there in person but that doesn’t mean you do what you want. Fuck your pussy now.” 

“Unh,” you turn around with your ass in the camera and push the vibrator inside of you. 

“Oooo—

“Fuck that toy. Say my name and fuck that toy.” 

You go to town on your pussy, thrusting it inside of you. 

“That shit feels good, don’t it?” 

“Yesssssss, it’s so so so GOOD!”

“That fine ass getting pounded when I see you.” 

“Please, daddy, I wish you were here to fuck me.” 

“Ughhh,” Erik went back to pumping his dick, “I’m a stroke you real good and hit that spot over and over again.”

“Unh—

“Work that fucking pussy baby, damn you’re making a mess all over that toy...cream is just dripping all over it...fuckkkkkk…I want your pussy so bad.”

“Baby—“

“You warming that pussy up for me? Are you practicing for when I get home? You know what I would do? I would get in that ass while you fuck your pussy.”

“I’m gonna cum—oh my god, daddy—I’m gonna—

Your entire body trembled and that ass started bouncing and moving like a tidal wave. 

“That big ass girl—SHIT!”

Erik’s cum landed on his laptop screen. His balls must have been fully loaded because the more he jerked himself, the more cum spurted out. He let go of his dick and small droplets of cum stained his sheets. He didn’t know if he had another nut in him. 

“Babe, I’ll be right back. I gotta clean off this screen.” 

Erik stood up with his dick swinging between his legs. He walked over to his hotel dresser and grabbed some tissue. When he came back you were on your back with your legs stretched open. 

“That’s so purrrrrdy,” He said before laughing. 

“Thank you. Wanna go for round two?” 

“One second, babe. I am drained.” 

“Oh? That 34 year old body can’t hang anymore, huh?”

“Jokes.” 

“It’s okay...we have all day.” 

“Yes, we do.” 

Erik throws away the dirty tissue. 

“I miss you.” 

Erik gives you an air kiss, “I miss you too, baby.”

“Grab some water and we can—

The video ended. 

“Seriously?” Erik tried calling back on zoom but it kept on ringing, “What the fuck not right now.” 

Erik could hear his phone ringing. He funded it on the bed and it’s you face timing him. As soon as he answered it your pussy was in his face. 

“Damn girl,” Erik flicked his tongue at his phone, “that peach fuzz is sexy too keep it just like that when I get there...all that beautiful pussy gotdayummmmm.” 

“Let’s finish what we started?” Your face came into view and you winked at him. 

“Shit, my dick is still hard, I'm ready.” 

You slide three fingers inside your pussy with your phone angled as if Erik is laying down looking up at you.

“You did that on purpose...that’s how you want me? On my back and you sit on my face? Let that cum drip in my mouth?” 

“Mhm, I wanna cum all in your mouth, daddy.” 

Erik stood up from his bed while his phone rested on the bed. All you could see was his balls hanging in your face and his long, fat dick swinging. 

“I’m not pulling out that pussy when I see you.” 

You were driving him crazy and he was getting pissed off that you weren’t by his side right now taking his dick. Instead, he has to settle for a video call. It’s nothing like having pussy up close and in your face. Nothing like tasting, touching, and fucking the real thing. He wanted to pack his shit and catch a late flight out of NYC just so he can bury himself inside of you. He would drop his bags off at the door, grab your hips, bend you over, get down on his knees, and suck on your pussy from the back. Then, he would bend you over the couch and long stroke your pussy from behind with a handful of titties. 

“Fuck,” Erik’s hand went faster on his dick, his balls feeling the impact of his hand as he stroked downward, “Ima bust all in your pussy when I see you...wash my face with that pretty pussy baby...that’s all I want for my birthday...fucking you...all night long...FUCKKKK.” 

Erik jerked his dick right on his phone screen and all that cum landed on your pussy. 

“Daddy!” 

You rub your clit back and forth, that pussy contracting. You fell back against the bed and lifted your fingers from your pussy. 

“Fuck, that was so good,” You suck your fingers.

Erik grabs his phone and walks to the bathroom. Flicking the light switch, Erik turned on the sink and grabbed a folded washcloth to clean off his phone screen.

“You had me cumming on my laptop, and you had me cumming on my phone.” 

“But did you enjoy it?” 

“Of course. I need a rewind option that shit was everything.”

Erik propped his phone up against the wall and started looking at himself in the mirror. He shook his head, his tapered locs falling against his forehead. 

“You look so good. I can’t wait to see you.” You said with your eyes traveling over the length of his body. 

“Soon, baby...real soon…” 

____________

Taking his aunties advice, Erik pushed back a meeting for the opening of an Outreach Center in Manhattan for the next day. Erik woke up to multiple texts and missed calls from friends and family wishing him happy birthday. Even on social media he was tagged in plenty of pictures and videos. Of course, you made a long post about him with all the embarrassing photos of him caught off guard or sleeping. The last picture was his favorite. It’s a picture of you and him on vacation in Hawaii on a yacht. You both shared a kiss showing lots of tongue. 

Danielle_93: Happy birthday Erik! 🎉

BrysonWilliams: Happy Birthday Bro! 💪🏾

Monibaby: Awww y’all are so cute!!! ❤️

There were many more comments and mentions. Erik shared a few posts to his IG story and left it at that for the time being. T’Challa sent him a text letting him know that he landed and he would see him later. Erik was on his way back from the hotel gym when he noticed food, and a few gift bags outside of his door. He figured it was from some friends that live in NYC. Erik opened his hotel room door and picked up all his gifts, carrying them inside. He placed them on the coffee table in the living room area and peeked inside the food bag. Birria tacos and a burrito. He was hungry too. Grabbing the bag, Erik walks through the dark hotel room towards the kitchen. A faint glow came from the kitchen and Erik paused his footsteps. Confused, Erik crept up and peeked his head inside. 

There, on the kitchen counter is a triple chocolate layer cake with a 3 and a 4 candle on top. Maybe room service brought it in for him. Erik placed the bag of Mexican food on the counter and sauntered towards the cake. He could see cursive letters in yellow frosting on top. Erik read the words and a smile slowly crept up his face. This day just keeps getting better and better. 

Happy Birthday Baby. Love, Y/N.

“It’s your favorite.” 

Erik looked over his shoulder and there you were, wearing the Facet lingerie he gifted you. It’s see-through mesh in brown, with a plunging neckline and a high crotch. The gleam of the candles made your gorgeous brown skin stand out. Your hair is stilled in a natural fro and you’re wearing that brown matte lipstick Erik loves. 

“Happy birthday, baby.” 

You wrap your arms around his shoulders and press the front of your body against his. 

“This was your plan all along, huh?” 

“It was hard to keep it from you. I flew in with T’Challa. He dropped me off here as soon as you left your room for the gym. I got a room key, let myself in, and waited for you to come back.”

“Mmm, baby,” Erik placed your hands in his and stepped back to get a good look at you, “You look so sexy.”

Erik held your hand up and spun you around so he could see every angle. As soon as your back faced him, Erik took his hand and popped you right on the cuff of your left ass cheek so he could watch it wobble. 

“Soft and phat.” Erik whispered in your ear from behind. 

“Do you like your cake? It’s your favorite.” 

Erik brought his attention back to his cake, took his finger and scooped up some frosting. He sucked the frosting off of his finger and licked his lips. 

“I love both of my cakes.”

You bend over the counter and start whining your hips. Erik focused on the way your beautiful ass swayed and how the yellow hue of the candle light made your moisturized cheeks shine. 

“Stay just like that and bend over some more.”

“Yes Sir.” You press the front of your body against the counter top, “like this?”

“Just like that.” 

Erik grabs his cake and sits it on the counter where you are. 

“I’m gonna make a wish and blow out these candles.” 

Erik closed his eyes. His lips are slightly parted and you can see his gold canines. Sweat still coated his skin from his workout. He’s wearing a pair of black and red ball shorts with a black beater. His locks are pushed back with a black Nike athletic sweatband. How could he make going to the gym look so stylish? Erik opened his eyes and gave you a small smile. 

“What did you wish for?”

“It’s a secret,” He winked at you, “You’ve been walking around LA with that ass for these last few days haven’t you?”

Erik squinted his eyes at you playfully. 

“I have, but you know it belongs to you,” You twerk your ass, “Now, you can have it all you want.” 

“And I can eat it how I want too.” 

Erik dragged his fingers in the chocolate frosting and smeared it on your ass. He sucked his fingers off in your face before disappearing behind you. He gets down on his knees with your ass in his face and wasting no time. He starts sucking and licking the frosting off of your right butt cheek while his sticky fingers spanked your left butt cheek. 

“Unh, yes—yes, baby, that feels so good, I miss your mouth on me.” 

“You know what I want next, bring your leg up.” 

“Anything for you, daddy.”

As soon as your leg went up Erik’s fingers were hooked on the lace fabric of your lingerie and he pulled it to the side exposing your pussy. His tongue was already sweet but as soon as he poked it all the way out and licked from your pussy to your ass he got an even sweeter taste. Erik spanked you, twisting his head to suck your pussy. He was a wild man eating you. He gets so focused when he’s face deep in your pussy. Erik spread your pussy open, used the flat part of his tongue and pressed it firmly against your pussy and started moving it in a circle. Erik was disrespectfully eating your pussy and all you could do was moan and hold onto the counter. He ain’t had that pussy in his mouth for days. The way you were dripping on his tongue he couldn’t stop. This is the cake he’s trying to eat for his birthday. Smear his tongue and lips all over your pussy. 

“Erik!!!” 

You couldn’t control him. You couldn’t wait to see daddy again and he couldn’t wait to see you. 

“Fuck, Erik!!!!”

He didn’t listen. You erupted in his mouth with loud moans. 

“Daddy I can’t—I can’t—shit—I’m coming again!”

You dropped your leg and almost locked Erik’s head but he moved out of the way before you could. His beard and lips were soaked. 

“Pussy is yummy. Come taste your pussy.” 

“Mmm, I taste so sweet—daddy—“

You look down and see Erik’s shorts down and around his ankles. His dick was hanging out the bottom of his briefs. You grab him in your hand and use your thumb to rub his tip. 

“You have a lot of dick.” 

It’s long and ridiculously thick. 

“That bulge...that dick...so hot.” 

You swipe your tongue over his lips. 

“My throat is ready for you, Sir.” 

“Let’s take this shit to the bedroom, baby.” 

Erik picks you up and your legs straddle him. He walks down the hallway with his lips on yours and his hands grasping each ass cheek. There, you can see the windows he was talking about. It’s almost nightfall. Erik puts you down and you drop to your knees before him, opened your mouth wide, and stuck your tongue out. Erik smacked the weight of his dick on your tongue. That nice, big, fat, long dick. 

“I want some.” 

“It’s right here for you...have as much you want—damn, aint waste no fucking time that’s what I’m talking about get that dick.” 

You had Erik’s dick halfway down your throat with no hesitation. One hand gripping him and your mouth slurping and sucking him up and down. Erik used both of his hands to hold your head still so he can fuck your throat. You relaxed your jaws and looked up at him. Unblinking, he commanded you with his dark orbs. 

“Oh, my god, baby, you feel so fucking good, baby….oooh, just like that baby, keep sucking this big ass dick...eat that dick, baby, suck this dick off...shit feels so fucking good.” 

His words had you dripping. 

“Suck that big dick baby—Unh, shit—spit on my dick—make a big ass mess,” Erik moaned, “You wanna make me cum? If you wanna make me cum you better suck this dick—daddy can’t hold it baby—I’m a shoot it down your throat, baby, you got my dick rock hard—suck it, baby—don’t fucking stop—oh, shit.”

With one heavy fist, Erik has a handful of your hair in a vice grip. His dick convulsed in your mouth and then after a few more sucks he was busting a nut down your throat. Your hands caressed his abs to calm his body down. You knew what effect your throat skills had on him. 

“Come put that pussy in this dick, I’ve been thinking about you since last night, baby.”

You stood before Erik and he placed a hand around your throat and started kissing you. 

“Take this off...I want you naked and riding my dick…”

As you completely take off your lingerie Erik is fully naked and now he’s laying back against his bed in the middle with his dick pointing towards the ceiling. You climb up to the bed and squat down on your feet, your hands on his chest to keep your balance as you descend your pussy on his dick. 

“Damn, baby, that pussy...keep riding this dick…”

You start dropping your full weight down on Erik. It sounded like a splash park between your legs. Fuck going slow you ain’t have that dick in days. Erik’s hands were molded into your hips as you bounced up and down on him. 

“This what you wanted? To sit on this dick?”

“Ah, shit, Unh! Fuck!” 

“Answer me.” 

“Yes!”

You reach behind to feel your cheeks. They were swaying and jiggling all over the place. Erik pushed your hand away and you gripped the sheets. 

“You better keep fucking this dick or I’ll take over and fuck you.” 

He only gave you one warning. Leaning over his body you start riding him again. His dick was hitting so deep in your pussy. You moved your hips in a circle on the tip of his dick and before you could even take all of him again Erik pushed you down himself. 

“You’re tryna work me, Daddy?” You ask between deep breaths. 

“I want that puss and you keep stopping.” 

Erik lifted you off of him and stood up from the bed. 

“Bend over in front of this window...yes...put your hands against the glass and spread your legs…”

Erik smacked his dick against your ass before resting it on your back. He reached beneath you to rub your clit. 

“Think I’m playing?” Erik sucked his fingers, “Toot that ass up, Y/N...I said toot that ass up!!!” He barked out. 

“Okay!!” You try your best, “Like that—FUCK!! Dadyyyyy. You’re in my pussy, daddy.” 

“Fuck is wrong with you.”

He thrust in all at one and your cheek smashed against the glass. 

“That’s it baby...tight ass puss...I’m about to bust your shit open you better hold on fucking with me.” 

“You talk a lot of shit, birthday boy—OH MY GOD.” 

“And so do you, Hmph,” Erik pulled your hair, “This dick got you shutting the fuck up though. You kept playing on my dick, baby,” he was fucking you rough, “When I want my pussy, you don’t play games with me. For real. Fuckkkkk.” 

“My pussy—oooo—

“FUCK YES. Cum on this dick.” 

“Unh—

“Nah, get up, that’s it, arch your back.”

“Don’t stop, baby.” 

“Mhm.” 

“Yes!” 

As soon as he let that dick out you were squirting. Erik didn’t give you time to come down from your orgasmic high when he picked you up, put you on the bed, and spread your legs. 

“Let me back in there...ahhh, yes.” 

You felt hot tears roll down your face. He looked so calm and cool but his dick was hitting you hard and it was overwhelmingly good. He studied your expression and kissed you from time to time. 

“You had that pussy in face on video last night...I wanted to fuck you so bad...you knew what time it was when you came here...I was getting up in that pussy, right?”

You tried to speak but your bottom lip was trembling so much and he was making your pussy cum again. 

“You ain’t gotta say nothing just lay there and let me fuck you.” 

He started sucking on your neck while his hips stroked all that fat dick in and out of you. 

“I’m about to nut in my pussy...stay just like that...don’t you fucking move...this my pussy...I’m a be in my pussy all fucking night for my birthday...take this dick—“

Erik sat up on his hands and worked his hips faster. You couldn’t see his eyes with his locs in his face. He was too busy watching the way he fucked you. You couldn’t keep your eyes away either. So much cream. So wet and gushy. 

“Daddy, Unh, oh my god, daddy, I love you!!”

Erik pushed your thighs back and held his dick deep inside you. 

“Daddy, I love you!!!”

He chuckled and bit his lip. 

“I love you too, baby girl. Thank you for this tight pussy on my birthday.” 

The way he said that it had you squeezing his dick with your walls. 

“Let my dick go...you want some more?”

You nod your head with a pout of your lip.

“Nasty, freaky, bitch. I’ll give you some more dick.”

You couldn’t wait. 

[slashxrose]

Surprise, love -Duff Mckagan-

Title: Surprise, Love.

Warnings: explicit content. 

Summary: I don’t use to do summary of my stories, y’all is gonna love it anyway; enjoy. 

Dirty reading~

Duff Mckagan is the last person I expect to see on my doorstep, wet from the San Francisco mist, a faded green duffle bag at his feet.

Even years removed my heart still clutches at the sight of his hair, the boyish grin on his face. The smile doesn’t reach his eyes the way it used to, but I’m not able to catch much more of him before he’s pulling me into a bear hug and lifting me off the ground.

To put you all in context, Duff was my best friend ... and the best boyfriend someone could ever had, for most of my life, he was my neighbour when we were just born, little kids, getting to know each other from there and living a whole life together; I watched from when his first tooth fell out to when he had to take his first flight to go with the band to San Francisco, the place where I currently live now.

It surprises me, and it shocks me to see him, so changed after so many years, so many years without looking him in the eye, without knowing anything about him; today he is finally here, standing in front of me.

Trying not to break down in tears the emotions hit my being in a wave; remembering the day he left me at the airport and then never see him again; exactly in 1991, after his great "Use your illusion." I never heard from him again.

“Babe,” he breathes, I press my face into his neck, a laugh bubbling up out of my throat, “I missed you.”

“Yeah,” I manage.

I can feel my eyes pricking because I have missed him, too much. We’ve kept up as much as we could over the years, but with him overseas and my steadily making my way around the country, it had gotten difficult. I haven’t heard from him in a few months, and I haven’t seen him in a few years – probably eight, if I think about it. Instead of thinking about it, though, I wrap my arms tight around him and try not to let myself cry at the feeling of him engulfing me.

“I missed you too, Duff.”

I get him up to my apartment and let him settle onto my couch before I ask him any questions, mainly because I can’t quite find my voice and I can’t believe Duff is in my apartment, right now. He beats me to the punch, settling back into my couch and peeking over at me in the kitchen.

“This place is really nice.”

I nod, filling a glass up with water for him and then looking up at him, a smile on my lips.

“It’s alright,” I shrug, shutting off the tap and making my way over to the couch, handing it to him before I sit down, one leg tucked beneath me. “I got lucky.”

Duff sips the water and looks around, shaking his head. My apartment is nice – it’s got floor to ceiling windows and sleek, modern appliances and a killer view of the Golden Gate Bridge.

“Not luck,” he shrugs. “You deserve it, you worked your ass off for this place.”

I swallow, smiling over at him and feeling my cheeks flush – in part, because he’s right, and in part, because he’s wrong.

“Duff,” I laugh my voice soft. I tuck some hair behind my ear and looks up at him. “How’d you find me?”

Duff shrugs, setting the water glass down on my coffee table and turning to face me, leaning his arm over the back of my couch.

“I went home, first...talked to your mom, she gave me your address for if I ever wound up out west. Figured,” he shrugs, laughing, “It’d be more of a surprise if I didn’t tell her I already knew I was coming out this way.”

I shake my head, pressing my fingertips to my face.

“Oh god… I cannot believe my mum did that after all the things I told her, honestly.” I sigh, dropping my hand and raising my brow. “So, she didn’t know you were coming out here...but you did?”

Duff nods.

“Yes, I did… I’ve gotta come back to the hotel in a couple of hours… We’re flying to Europe, we’re gonna start a new tour I guess, we don’t really know, but I figured I could make a stop before I check into my hotel.” I swallow, watching his fingers flex against the couch cushion.

“Another tour?” I raise my brows. “You’ve been on tour the last eight years.”

“That’s what happens when you’re a famous rockstar babe, you never stop….” he laughs, his voice low. “I’m thinking I’ll be out here a bit, actually, trying to convince the boys to stop a little, I want to see you more often.” I try not to let my reaction show on my face, but this is Duff, so I know I’m not exactly subtle.

I chew on the inside of my cheek as I think about it, about Duff, just half an hour away instead of across the world.

“Wow,” I breathe, smiling over at him. “I’d get to see you, then?”

“If you want to,” Duff shrugs, and I roll my eyes at him, reaching over and swatting at his arm.

We cover the basics with his hand on my knee: I moved to San Francisco alone, I work for a newspaper, and I’m a runner now. He’s been back on tour and he’s not going to go so far away again, and he’s thinking about stop touring a little bit.

Wow.

I slide my hand over his and look down at it, brushing my thumb against the back and humming softly as I look up at him, a smile on my lips.

“So you’re telling me,” I say, my voice soft, “you’re a big enough deal the boys to stop touring, what they’re supposed to be doing?”

Duff rolls his eyes, glancing down to our hands and then back up to mine, his gaze soft. I try to focus on anything other than the look in his eyes and settles on his mouth, chewing on the inside of my cheek, because I know it’s a mistake immediately. Bad things tend to happen when I look at Duff Mckagan’ mouth.

“I’m telling you I could do it,” he shrugs, and I watch intently as he runs his tongue over his lower lip, his fingers pressing lightly against my leg. “We’ll find out, I guess; Steven’ planning to go to rehab…” He probably saw my intrigued face, so he immediately keeps talking. “I’ll tell you in a bit about it.” He smiles at me and I nod. “Slash has two little annoying but cute kids… so he’s gonna be busy with that, and Izzy… Well Izzy fucking left the damn band, so there’s no problem with him.”

I nod, feeling my lips shift into a soft smile, Wow, it’s surprising how everything changed since the last time I saw him, every one of them were idk… almost 30 years old, playing and joking around, being drunk and high as fuck, I never… I mean, we never thought that the band was gonna become this famous.

“Well,” I say, “I’m happy for you, Duff. You’re all grown up.”

Duff laughs, pulling his hand from my leg and rubbing his hand over his jaw slowly, swallowing.

“We’re both grown up, honey,” he chuckles, and I let myself meet his gaze. I stuck in a slow breath, feeling how heavy his eyes are on mine, letting the feeling wash over me easily. “Easy to see that, right?”

I nod and sit up a bit, settling my hand on Duff’s forearm, brushing my thumb slowly against his skin.

“Easy,” I say my voice barely above a whisper. “Too easy.” I don’t know why sitting here with him like this makes me feel like I could cry.

I squeeze my eyes shut, sighing out a slow breath and tightening my grip on his arm.

“I really missed you. I know we,” I shake my head, “I know we covered that, kind of, but...god, Duff.” I swallow, heavy, keeping my eyes shut so I don’t have to look at him as the words tumble out of my mouth, “I really didn’t know if I would ever see you again, you know? No matter how safe you told me you were, you almost had a fucking overdose… too much alcohol, too much shit.”

Duff doesn’t say anything, but I feel him shifting on the sofa. I feel him scooting closer to me. His breath wisps over my skin, and I feel like I might be shaking. I should stop him – I knows I should, I knows it’s the right thing to do with all of us history, all of the feelings that stretch out between us – but there’s an ache in my chest that I don’t think will let me. I squeeze his forearm, holding onto it with my fingers and hear myself let out a soft noise as his nose touches mine.

“Babe,” he murmurs, and I nod, my eyes still squeezed shut. “I’m good; you don’t have to worry anymore.”

“I know,” I breathe out, and I slide my hand off his arm and slip my fingers into his hair. I pulling him towards me, kissing him in the way I had imagined doing for years, for a lifetime, even. I’d never kissed him like this, so tender and slow, so intentional, so full. I whine into it, feeling tears pricking at the corners of my eyes.

It feels like my heart is whole, even for just a moment.

Duff’s always been the boy I turned to when I was hurting, always been the person who knew me the best, who could make me feel good. This, though, is different – this kiss isn’t sweet, childhood tenderness, its gut wrenching in the most wonderful way. My stomach twists into a knot and then settles as his arm wraps around my waist, my ears rush harshly as his tongue moves against mine, my heart pounds in my chest as I feel both of our cheeks, touch against each other.

This is Duff, the man, safe in his arms, telling me he’s here, telling me I’m his. He hasn’t said it, but I can tell...I can tell from the way he’s kissing me that this was him, standing on her doorstep, asking me to let him in and keep him.

For tonight, at least, I can do that.

I crawl into his lap and press my fingers into his hair, my thumbs dragging along his face, my breathing ragged against his skin.

“Duff,” I whisper, brushing my lips against his, “I have a bed.”

Duff’s breathing is possibly more laboured than my own as he slips his hand beneath the back of my t-shirt, his fingertips pressing lightly into my skin.

“I assumed,” he mumbles, his mouth praying for mine, “This is a big apartment.”

I nod in a smile, grinning against his lips;

“Want to,” I tip my face down, my forehead pressed to his as I move slowly in his lap, my lips just out of his reach, “take a look at it?”

Duff lets out a low laugh, nodding and mumbling,

“Smooth,” against my mouth as he keeps his arm locked around my waist. He stands up, lifting me with him, I wrap my legs around him as he settles me in his grip.

I direct him to the bedroom, settling my feet down on the ground and swallowing as my eyes fall on a picture frame settled on my nightstand.

“Shirt,” I breathe, looking at Duff, who’s sitting on the edge of her bed, staring at me with a dazed smile on his lips, “shirt off, rockstar.” He lets out a low laugh, and I takes a moment to flip the picture frame face down while his shirt is obstructing his view, then tugs at the hem of my own shirt before taking a step forward, pulling it off as I stations myself between his legs.

I settle my hands on his bare shoulders, dragging my hands down along his skin slowly, then moving it back up and cupping his face in my hands. I slide my thumb over his lower lip and hiccups, chewing on the inside of her cheek.

“God,” I whisper, letting my eyes move over his face, taking him in. I’d never felt so full before. My vision blurs as I watch him, feels his hands settle over my waist.

He had changed, years without seeing him… without feeling him, I missed his touch, his kisses, I missed him so bad.

“Honey,” he says, and his voice has that lilt to it – the what are you crying for lilt, and I don’t have an answer. I bit down on my lower lip, shaking my head and trying to stop myself. His hand reaches up to my cheek and I lean into his touch, feeling my tears seep onto his skin.

I want to tell him...about the photo, about the man in the photo, about the way their timing is truly, continually, terrible. Instead, I lean my face down and kiss his palm, swallowing hard as I hear his own breath going wet.

“Come here,” he says, his voice thick, low.

I don’t need him to say it twice. I crawl into his lap and he shifts them back onto the bed, his hands moving shakily along my skin.

He flips them and undresses me carefully, his eyes moving over every new part of me as it becomes exposed. He unhooks my bra and pulls it slowly down my arms, unbuttons and unzips my jeans and tugs them over my hips, hooks his fingers into the waistband of my panties and tugs at them, slowly, his lips pressing to my stomach as he does, the gasp tearing from my throat involuntary, I swear.

Something in my brain tugs, that I should be embarrassed, being so naked in front of this man who’s known me for my entire life, but no. I can’t be, with the way he’s looking at me, with the adoration and want in his eyes. I let my hands slide along his arms, breathing slowly as he looks at me, takes me in, and then I settle my fingers against his belt buckle.

“I can’t be the only one naked here, baby,” I say, my voice soft, and the smile on his lips is so soft that I feel my cheeks flush.

I unbuckle his belt shakily, watching as he gets himself out of his pants, pushes off his boxers. I bites on my lower lip at the sight of him, half-hard for me, then drags my eyes up to his face, smiling at the way his cheeks are flushed. I sit up a little, wrapping my hand around him gently, dragging my fingertips lightly along his length and shutting my eyes, leaning my forehead against his chest because I don’t think I can take the look on his face, the pure emotion rippling through him.

“Fuck,” he bites out, and his hand slides to the back of her neck, his thumb dragging along the base of it slowly. His voice is shaky when he says my name, and I twist my wrist slowly, smiling as I feel him growing harder in my hand.

Yes, honey, I know you like this.

He shifts my back on the bed, pressing my legs apart so he can settle between them and leaning down to kiss me, drawing his tongue slowly over my lower lip as his thumb drags over my inner thigh. The mixture of sensations has me shaking, already, and he hasn’t even touched me where I want him to yet.

He’s gentle with me, at first. His fingers press lightly against my wet folds, testing the waters, working slowly as I breathe out heavy sighs to keep myself calm.

He’s driving me crazy.

His lips press over my collarbone lightly, dragging against my skin slowly as he dips a finger into me, then another. He hums against the hollow of my neck as his thumb circles my clit lightly, and I feel my hips lifting off the bed to find more of him, knowing he isn’t giving it to me yet.

“Oh god-” I groaned.

I come apart on his fingers, shakily, one of my hands gripped tightly into his hair. His mouth is on my neck and I whine, searching for his face.

“I need you.” I breathe, and he lifts his head slowly, grazing his lips over mine.

“You keep driving me crazy as the first day we met.” he murmurs.

I stop him, slipping my tongue into his mouth. I can’t hear him, like this, not right now. I need him to fuck me, need him, before I get too rational and stop him entirely.

This is too much, I can feel it – I’m going to break the both of us, but I can’t possibly end it before I feel him, before I know what it’s like to have him inside me, again.

“Duff,” I moaned against his mouth, lifting my hips and hooking a leg around his waist, trying to pull him closer. “I need you.”

He nods, slow, just once, and I love him for it. I love that he isn’t trying to tease this out, that he’s listening to me, that we both want this so badly that dragging it along isn’t appealing at all. I slide my hands up to his face, holding it and keeping my eyes on him, my heart still hammering. He locks eyes with me as I feel his tip pressing at my entrance, and I suck in a hard breath, watching his face.

He cracks the softest smile, and I feel my resolve breaking.

“Duff,” I breathe, my voice full, my eyes stinging, “please.”

I want him in a way I can’t understand – it’s something about the way he knows me, I think, absently, as his eyes trail over my face, down my body.

It’s about the way he held my hand when I fell off the jungle gym and broke my arm when we were six, it’s about the way he shoved an old friend of mine for calling me a bitch when we were eleven, it’s about the desperate way he kissed me back in her car when we were sixteen, it’s about the way he made me and makes me feel right now. It’s about the fact that he’s the same Duff he’s always been, but something else altogether, too. The boy I’ve always known, and the man I’ve always wanted, hovering above me, about to make me his, even when I belong to someone else.

But I didn’t care.

One of his hands brushes my cheek, and I slide my own to press over his, to keep him there. I hold his gaze as he pushes into me, slow, filling me. I let out a soft laugh, turning my face into his hand and rolling my hips.

“Please,” I murmur against his skin, “I want to feel you, Duff.”

He’s slow, but not in a torturous way. His eyes stick on mine as he rocks his hips into mine, as the fingers of his free hand trail along my leg, over my hip, tracing little shapes. I feel him, all of him, and my legs tighten around his hips to keep him as close as I can. His strokes are long, deep, and I know neither of us is going to last long, regardless of the speed.

“As my queen commands.” Duff softly replied, smirking before kissing my lips deeply as he thrust deep inside me.

The sudden feeling of being filled with a cock as big as him made me cry out in pleasure breaking the kiss as my back arched, I felt his fingers holding my hips lightly, making the movements to go harder. His own groans of pleasure mixed with mine as they filled the room, he started to move slowly, taking his time as our lips re-joined together with our tongues dancing and warping round each other, as our hands roamed each other’s bodies just feeling blindly in a that need to be close.

I feel my walls constricted around him, he started to move faster and found that bundle of nerves that made me touch the sky with my hands, his moans made an echo in my ear, they were loud, he was really enjoying this, making me instantly lose all the control, all sense of who and where I was, right now it was just the two of us; the world outside didn't matter, the day ahead didn't matter everything I can focus on was in him and nothing was going to stop that.

“Oh shit babe, yes.- ” I moaned. “Keep doing that oh god-” I wrapped his curlers in my fingers holding him, his thrusts collided with my body causing a lack of control in all my senses, damn I had missed this.

His movements were wild and erratic but so perfect precise, he knew all the right buttons to press. I open my eyes again to see him above me, his face the clear picture of pleasure and need, I never had seen anyone become so desperate and undone for me. A man like him with such talent showing a side of himself only to me that so few ever got to see, but in truth he would only ever truly become this undone and this vulnerable for me.

My hands slid down from his hair, trailing down his back across his slightly sweating skin as they found that perfect ass of his. His lips moving to my neck again as tears of happiness, love and pleasure fell.

“Oh my sweet babe.” Duff moaned shakily as he continued thrust deep into me, all I could do was cry out with pleasure and need.

“Oh Duff I love you.” I gasp thrusting up to meet his own movement's.

He’s nothing like I’ve ever felt, before – there’s something about the presence of him, of his body over mine, of his eyes watching me, his breath mixing with my own.

“Babe,” he breathes, his face tipping down, his lips finding mine. I sat up a bit, my hips shifting to meet his, to hit at a new angle. I weave my fingers into his curly hair and grips onto it as I kiss him, our tongues pressed together as I feel the heat pooling in my stomach, knows I’m closer than I’d even like to admit.

His hand moves from my leg to dip between them, pressing against my clit slowly, tracing over my nerves delicately before finding a pattern. I can tell he’s close, too, his breathing getting heavier, his thrusts more erratic.

“C’mon babe” I murmur against his mouth, “I want to feel you, Duff, I want to know what you feel about me.” my words fade into a whine as I feel him pressing more firmly to my clit, rolling it between his fingers.

I come hard, around him, feeling him spill into me moments later, our moans mixing together as he presses me down into the mattress.

“Oh damn.” He moans loudly in my ear.

We lay still, for a long while. I scratch sleepily at the back of his neck, Duff start kissing my neck softly as we cling to each other, trying to calm down. He pulls out of me slowly, smiling to himself as I groan at the loss, and I hum as he lays back down, still pressing his weight down against me.

“You’re not allowed to go anywhere,” I whisper, my lips pressed against the side of his head, “until I say so.”

Duff nods. “Got it, you’re in charge,” he murmurs, “so nothing’s really changed, huh?”

I laugh, but I feel the pang in my chest, knowing the truth – because yes, almost everything really has changed, and he doesn’t even know the half of it.

I must fall asleep, because when I woke up it’s dark outside and I hear him moving around...somehow, I just knew in that moment that he knows, now. I sit up slowly, pulling the sheets to my chest and pressing my hand over her face.

“Duff?”

He pokes his head out of the bathroom and smiles at me softly. When he steps through the door, he’s got his boxers on, and I feel my heart clench in my chest.

“What’s his name, babe?” He sits on the edge of the bed and pull my hand from my face, lacing his fingers with mines. “He’s got some nice pomades, in there...expensive.”

“Duff,” my voice is hollow, I look up at him with pleading eyes. “I can explain all of this, okay?”

He nods, brushing his thumb over mine.

“I know,” he swallows, his voice thick. “What’s his name?”

I sigh out a breath and casts my eyes upwards, trying not to cry.

“Daniel…” I answer, quietly. “We’ve been...I moved in a few months ago, but it’s been a little over a year.”

I don’t let myself close my eyes, making myself look at him as he swallows, processing my words and looking around the room.

“You love him?”

“Duff,” I don’t know how to answer that question, not right now.

He’s been away for a while, and came here making me feel lost and complete at the same time, now I don’t even know where or who I am.

“Does he make you happy, hun? That’s,” he lets out a soft, wet laugh, “that’s really...what I’m asking you.” I nod, looking down at our hands. “Good.”

“I didn’t,” I croak, and I hate myself for it. “I didn’t know when you...if you,” I shake my head. “I didn’t know, Duff. I didn’t know if I...if–,”

“I didn’t want you waiting for me,” he supplies, shaking his head and looking at me, straight on. “I’m glad you didn’t, I... I slept with a lots of girls too… I can’t blame you for this.”

I feel desperate, scoots myself closer to him and settles a hand on his cheek.

“I’m not,” I breathe, wanting to press my face to his and hesitating. “You’re here, now, Duff.”

Duff nods, and bridges the gap. He presses his forehead against mine, finding my eyes.

“I’m not leaving,” he says, his voice low. “I told you,” he swallows, “I’m not gonna go away without you next time. If I convince the boys…damn.”

I nod.

“And I’ll be here,” I murmur. “But someone else is gonna be here with me…”

He shuts his eyes, squeezing my hand.

“For now,” he shrugs, “and maybe for good, but,” he opens his eyes and looks at me, fully.

My feels tear pooling in my eyes.

“I’m not going anywhere. I...I believe in this, babe. I wouldn't be here if I didn’t.”

I take a long breath, nodding slowly. I realize he doesn’t mean here, my apartment – he means here, in San Francisco...that he wouldn’t be considering this job if it wasn’t for me. I understand his meaning, here: I’m in charge.

“I’m sorry,” I whisper, and he shakes his head, but I stop him. “No, I should’ve told you.”

“His shoes were by the door, babe, I saw them.” he says, his voice soft. “I’m not an idiot.”

I feel something break in me, and I find Duff’s mouth, kissing him softly.

“God,” I laugh, my voice low, my lips pressed to his, “we really can’t get it right, huh?”

Duff kisses me, soft and slow, his tongue tracing my lip before he pulls away. He stands up from the bed and I watch, my eyes wide and soft as he moves around, grabbing his clothes and pulling them on.

“To be determined,” he decides, as he’s buckling his belt.

I chew on my cheek, getting out of bed and finding my robe. I wrap it around me and follows him out into the living room, watching as he grabs his duffel bag.

“You can stay,” I say, my voice hoarse, and he looks over his shoulder at me, shaking his head.

“I won’t leave,” he swallows, and I shut my eyes for a moment at his words. I nod.

“Okay,” I whisper. “So when will I see you?”

Duff sighs out a breath as he pulls the bag over his shoulder, then wraps his arm around my waist. He walks me over to the door before he pulls me against him, leaning his face down, kissing me softly.

“I’ll be here another week,” he says, his voice low, “and then...depending on things, I’ll be here for good. So,” he finds my eyes, “up to you, okay? You call me.”

I nod, my head spinning.

“Don’t disappear on me, okay?” I beg.

He shakes his head, softly, kissing me lightly.

“Promise, I won’t.” He replies.

I feel him pull his arms away, and I wrap my own around myself so I don’t do something stupid, like pull him back into my bedroom. I watch as he grabs the doorknob, opening the door and taking a step through it.

“Call me when you get to your hotel?”

He nods, leaning down and kissing me gently.

“I will,” he breathes against my mouth.

By the time I open my eyes, he’s gone. My phone buzzes on the kitchen island and my heart drops, but when I flip it over, it’s Duff.

‘Miss you already, you know that?’

I press it to my chest and shut my eyes, taking deep breaths – in part, to calm down, and in part, because I did.