#bad idea youre gonna get squashed

[little-paperhat]

trying to keep up with your giant friend?? straight to pocket jail you go

[paarksunghoon]

you plus me | heeseung

SUMMARY: it's been six years since heeseung stopped being your friend and the thought of him tagging along an annual camping tradition makes you feel like the world is crashing around you. one misunderstanding and one trip later makes heeseung re-evaluate all he knows, and it makes you believe there might be life after love.

NOTES: first full length fic!!!!!!! enjoy :) x

PAIRING: heeseung x fem!reader (featuring enhypen)

PLAYLIST: added march 17 - find it here

WORD COUNT: 34.1K

WARNINGS: fluff, angst, mentions of poor relationships with parental figures, mentions of infidelity, bad friendships, smut in the form of: fingering, oral (f. receiving), creampie.

***

“Please don’t make me go.”

“Y/N, you already said yes. We’re only gonna be gone for a week.”

“I don’t think this is a good idea, Jungwon. You just said that Heeseung is gonna be there.” 

Your best friend sighs and sits down on your bed, inspecting the duffle bag you have that’s half-packed. Your clothes are haphazardly strewn all over your bedding while you plead with him to no avail. You’re so desperate that you consider getting on your knees to beg.

“I’m sorry for telling you now, but he was able to get people to cover his shift last minute and paid for a spot on the kayaking rental.” 

“If he’s going, I’d rather save us all the trouble and stay at home.” Jungwon watches you cross your arms over your chest. “Every time we’re in the same room, it’s just a matter of time before things become awkward.” 

“We’ll be outside in the suuuun,” Jungwon says, tilting his head to the side and giving you those amused eyes that he always gives you when he’s trying to convince you to do something with him. You scoff and look away. It almost works. 

“I bet that it’ll be worse since we have a few things planned with the guys already.”

“So what? You two don’t get along. Big deal. We’ve already made reservations to secure a spot on the campsite and set a deposit for kayak rentals.”

“Won, I think you and I view Heeseung very differently. He doesn’t just not like me. He hates me.” 

“Hate is a wrong word.” 

You huff. “I don’t think you grasp just how weird it is every time we’re together. You could cut the tension with a knife.”

“Seriously, Y/N. It’s one week. I’m sure you can survive that. You’ve never missed a camping trip and it’s the first time all of our friends are coming.” Jungwon deadpans and throws a shirt towards your chest, which you hastily grab after being startled by his sudden movement. You know better than to argue with him when he gets like this. “Just help me pack your clothes, dude. Jay’s gonna be here to pick us up tomorrow morning, and you don’t want to be under-packed.” 

You relent and grumble. “Are you still staying over?”

He nods. “My apartment’s in the opposite of where we’re going, and I didn’t want to make him drive an extra twenty minutes since he needs to pick Riki up. Just need to drop Maeumi off at my mom’s before coming back here. ” Your eyes fall for a flat second before you squash that feeling down.

“I didn’t invite you over, you know.” 

“No, but don’t pretend like you’re not excited,” Jungwon says with a laugh as he pulls your clothes out of the bag and starts to readjust the clothing you’ve folded poorly. Seeing your best friend smile tugs a bit at your heartstrings and you can’t say that you aren’t happy to have him with you. “We should get you packed now so you don’t stress out later.” 

Begrudgingly, you allow Jungwon to sort out your clothes for you and pull last minute items you’ve yet to pack. It annoys you watching him be so calm when you’re simmering with worry. But you know he’s right—you’ve invested some money into this getaway, and it’ll be the last big outing before you move away from Korea for a year-long job opportunity in Okayama before pursuing your Master’s degree. Jungwon knows you a little too well, and sometimes it irks you. 

The end-of-summer camping trip is always one for the books. For as long as you can remember, the two of you have been going camping just before everyone goes back to school to celebrate the beginning of a new academic year with your families. But this time, the trip wasn’t just about continuing an annual tradition. It was also to commemorate a new chapter in your life. 

You’re a year older than Jungwon. He’s known you since you were obsessed with learning how to double dutch, and you’ve known him since he first learnt how to ride a bike. The two of you started out as neighbors when you moved into the house next to his, and his family had adopted your own like old friends, eventually inviting you and your parents into their annual camping tradition. Even when dynamics changed and people left, the tradition was the only thing that remained a constant for you.

This is the first summer that your loved ones announced they wouldn’t be coming along. They all thought it was time for you to embark on new traditions with new people, and nobody seemed to mind the change that much except for you. Jungwon had been ecstatic about it since he invited his friend, Jake, to the camping trip last year. You’d been wary at first since Jake is friends with Heeseung, but he never brought up your confusing arch-nemesis and chose to have a great trip before you all started university again.  

Sure, you had a lot of fun. You might even consider last year’s trip as one for the books. But your mom pulling out of the camping trip and everyone around you agreeing that it was for the best made you feel like your world was crumbling around you.

When you graduated university three months ago (Jungwon swears he didn’t cry, but you know better than to believe him), the weight of leaving your home started to sink in. In the blink of an eye, Jungwon wouldn’t be a twenty minute drive, and hanging out with all of your friends wouldn’t be as easy as it once was. You’d be in Japan all alone.

This past summer has been a whirlwind as you tried to do everything under the sun, savoring each moment until you wouldn’t be able to anymore. Jungwon’s been a good sport about it, never once complaining when you drag him to your latest adventure. He deals with your sudden shift in mood from happy to sad, letting you cry on his shoulder and braving the cliche words you say when telling him you’ll miss him a lot. 

Unlike past seasons, this is the first summer you haven’t seen Heeseung very often. Lee Heeseung, who usually keeps his head down and minds his business, always seems to have a bone to pick whenever his eyes settle on you. It confuses you to no end, and he keeps his quips to a minimum when your mutual friends are around, but it doesn’t stop you from wondering what you must’ve done to make him act like that towards you. It’s a shame because that small childhood crush you always had on him was squashed the first time he ignored your presence. 

None of your friends comment on it much. They’re used to the dynamic between the both of you because it's been years of this. Elementary school saw the two of you become friends for the first time and middle school brought more friends into the group. It was in high school that things changed and Heeseung started ignoring you out of nowhere until one Thursday afternoon when he’d told you to leave him alone after pestering him about his change in behavior. 

The odd tension followed you into university and continued to seep into your life. You don’t think you’ve ever been in a room with Heeseung where he’s been anything but nonchalant towards you, often acting like you aren’t there to begin with. You do your best to put up with it and plaster a smile on your face, but six years have gone by, and you don’t think you can handle a seventh. All of your friends seemed to have moved past it. You don’t know why you can’t.

“Don’t think about Heeseung,” Jungwon says with a sigh. “In fact, don’t think at all. Let me handle everything and enjoy this trip before you move to Okayama, okay?”

“Okay, fine. But I want to see Maeumi.”

Jungwon snorts. “She’s gonna be real pissed when she doesn’t see you for a year, you know.”

“Don’t remind me.”

Jungwon knows you like the back of your hand and has seen what you bring on these trips enough to know what you like to have in your duffle. He packs things you neglected to pull out because your mind has been elsewhere. As much as he wants to flick your head and tell you to quit overthinking so you can help him, he did tell you to let him handle everything. 

Your best friend makes you triple check that the two of you didn’t miss anything before heading back to his apartment to fetch Maeumi. She jumps into your arms when you squat to pick her up and won’t allow Jungwon to pet her white fur body while she’s nestled against you. This fondness and the familiar jab of Jungwon’s elbow to your ribcage make your heart ache despite the sweet moment. You’re really going to miss home. 

Ever the concerned mothers your mom and Jungwon’s are, they send you with a tray full of sweets for the road. They make you tell them exactly when you’ll be picked up and by who (“Jongseong, Eomma,” Jungwon says for the umpteenth time) and when you plan to come back. His dad gives you a spare bucket hat for when you’re on the water and an old sweater from his college days when Jungwon complains about how you never pack enough layers. The gesture feels warm since you consider his father to be somewhat of your own.

Leaving them to go back to your house feels a bit bittersweet. A lot of your belongings sit in storage boxes in the garage from when you moved out of your campus apartment upon graduating. Jungwon decided to get an apartment for himself with the money he saved from his part-time job as a busboy at a local chain restaurant. Staying over with you makes it seem silly when you remember he used to live next door. 

It’s nine in the evening when the two of you get ready for bed. Jungwon puts your bags by the front door so neither of you would forget while you finish brushing your teeth. He grabs extra blankets from the linen closet and settles onto your L-shaped couch, pulling the fabric just underneath his chin. Your heart feels like it’s sinking in on itself when you think about how this might be the last time you’re able to be so casual around him. 

“Stop overthinking,” he says in the quiet of the night, as if he can hear the thoughts in your head. The living room lights are off and the moonlight is what’s responsible for illuminating the space. 

You refrain from throwing your pillow at him. “I’m not overthinking. You’re overthinking.” 

Jungwon snorts. “We both know that’s not true. I know you’re scared about Okayama and I know that’s why you’ve been on edge about Heeseung. You’re usually never this loud about it.” Like always, your best friend is right. 

“It’s hard not to.” Your meek voice makes Jungwon’s heart lurch. “Everything’s changed so fast. I feel like I didn’t get enough time to properly say goodbye to everyone.”

“You’ll be in Japan, not America. It’s not like we’ll never see you.” 

“Yeah, but I won’t be able to annoy you for boba and you won’t be coming over to have dinner with my mom and me." Jungwon frowns. Too caught up in making sure you were happy this summer, he hadn’t given it that much thought. “I know I won’t be far, but I’m scared that things will change too much.” 

For the first time today, Jungwon doesn’t know what to say to make you feel better. “I’ll miss you a lot.” 

“I know that, dummy. I guess…I feel like I’ve been dealing with a lifetime of shittiness and the universe wanted to throw another curveball at me.” Jungwon’s heart softens at your confession. He’s used to your quick jabs and sarcastic humor. Knowing you’ve more afraid than excited makes him upset. 

“The universe sucks,” he says, happy that it pulled a laugh out of you. “I’ll always be a phone call away and you’ll never have to worry about me ignoring you because we both know I’m gonna blow up your texts anyway.” 

“I can always count on you to annoy the hell out of me.” You can’t see his face, but no you already assume Jungwon’s sporting a shit-eating grin. Even if you both know the main reason why you’re afraid of living in Okayama, neither of you say it. You’re grateful that Jungwon doesn’t bring it up. “Still, though. You know how I am with change. I’m really scared that I’m going to hate it there and not have you to keep me company.”

“Life is crazy and unpredictable but that doesn’t mean you’re going to be miserable. I mean, you did a pretty good job of making sure both of us had happy childhoods even though I know you were hurting when we were younger.” 

“It’s really hard not to have expectations or think badly about the future when I feel like I took everything for granted.” 

“I know, Bug,” Jungwon says, using a nickname from your childhood he reserves for when he thinks you need an extra bit of comfort. “But you’re the best person I know. You didn’t do anything wrong. Life just…gets in the way.” 

“Yeah, I know.”

Jungwon is quiet for a moment. “Just please promise me you’ll try to have fun, okay?”

“I know I’ll have fun, Wonnie. I’m scared that I’ll have too much fun and be a sobbing wreck when we get back.” 

The two of you share a laugh. “Alright, fair. Promise me you won’t let Heeseung get under your skin.”

You groan. “If he doesn’t like me, that’s fine. I don’t need everyone to like me. But why go out of his way to act like I’m scum of the Earth?”

“Just ignore him, okay?” Jungwon pleads. “I know it’s uncomfortable but he paid for a last minute spot. I’ll tell him to be mature about it too.” 

And, well, part of you believes Heeseung will listen to Jungwon. Despite being on the younger side in your shared friend group, everyone seemed to listen to your best friend most of the time. Jungwon has an authoritative aspect to himself when he’s refrained from being the silly, happy-go-lucky guy you all know him to be. 

It’s quiet for a brief moment with the wind gently tapping on the windows behind you. “I don’t know why he doesn’t like me.” 

Truthfully, neither does Jungwon. “I’m sorry he’s putting you in a tough spot.” 

“Won, sometimes I really wonder if he hates my guts. He doesn’t talk to me and he never replies to my messages in the group chat. It’s like I don’t exist to him.”

“I think that might be a little extreme.” 

“It’s not and you know it.” 

Jungwon hums. “Well, at least you’ll get away from him when you move to Okayama.” Just like that, all of your worries come flooding right back.

“Yeah,” you say meekly. “I’ll have Okayama.”

You don’t see him, but you know Jungwon’s smiling since you agreed with him for the first time tonight. “That’s more like it. You have your whole future ahead of yourself, dude. Heeseung is just a blimp. In three weeks, he won’t matter because you’ll be having fun in Japan. Just think about that.” 

You try not to think about the fears and hesitations you have about starting anew. This time, you wouldn’t be going back to university after the camping trip. You’ll have a week and a half back home before you’re boarding your flight and saying goodbye to the place you’ve called home for the past two decades. Thinking about the future keeps you up until you hear Jungwon’s snores from the other side of the couch. 

Unsure of when your mom will be coming home, you snuggle further into the cushions and curl yourself into a ball before falling asleep. 

***

The next morning, Jungwon wakes up just before you do and you see him and your mom talking before they see you sit up. Barely noticing their hushed tones, you find yourself yawning more than normal and force the blankets off of your body. Your mom fixes you a cup of tea while Jungwon finishes packing, leaving you to freshen up and do the same. 

“You know, this trip will be good for you. I can feel it,” your mom says when you sip on your tea. It’s hot and nearly burns your tongue, but you don’t mind. Somehow, that sharp pain makes you feel even more alert than the strong brew. 

“You say that every year.” 

“Yeah, but this time I won’t be with you.” 

She laughs when she hears you huff. “Baby, I know you love it when I come on these trips but we’ll always have other ones. We’ll have next year too.” 

“I just don’t get why you and Jungwon’s parents don’t want to come on this one.” 

“Like we said all those months ago–it’s time for you guys to break tradition and spend some time with your friends before you move to Okayama. Next year, we can rent out the whole campsite if it means we can accommodate us, the Yangs, and your friends.” 

Frustration bubbles within you but you’re quick to shut that feeling. “I guess. It won’t be the same.”

“Jake’s going this year, right? You guys had a lot of fun last summer.” 

Well, she isn’t wrong. “Sure, yeah. I had fun with him.” Motherly instincts kick in and she bumps your hip with hers. 

“I know you’re scared about moving and seeing Heeseung. But you’re much braver than you give yourself credit for. Sometimes people are meant to be lessons and maybe Heeseung is the biggest one of all.”

You throw a fake-disgusted look at her. “Did Jungwon put you up to this?” She laughs and shakes her head, bringing you into her arms. Her lips on the crown of your head feel warm and you don’t shy away from her embrace. 

“No, but I carried you in my stomach and brought you to term. I like to think I know you pretty well.” 

You chuckle. “Yeah, I guess you do. I’ll try not to let Heeseung bother me too much.” 

“Jungwon’s pretty worried, even if he won’t say it. I told him to relax a little. This trip isn’t supposed to stress anyone out. It’s supposed to be a nice getaway before you go back to your normal life.” 

“I feel guilty for making Jungwon worry about me. I know he’s still friends with Heeseung, somewhat, even though nobody can figure out why he doesn’t like me so much.” 

“That old saying about boys being mean to their crushes is bullshit.” 

You pull away and gasp when you hear her swear. “Eomma!”  

“I used to swear like a sailor before I became a mom, you know.” Her eyes light up when she watches you giggle and from the corner of her eye, she can see Jungwon walking back into the living room. 

“Jay’s almost here,” he says, shoving his phone into his back pocket. 

“Does he want a cup of tea?” 

Jungwon shakes his head. “I think it’s better if we head out as soon as possible. We still have to pick up Riki and then we have a four hour drive to the campsite.” 

She looks at the two of you like she has stars in her eyes. Wordlessly, your mom pulls Jungwon underneath her other arm and kisses his forehead before kissing yours. “When did you two become so grown up, huh? It feels like just yesterday that Y/N stopped crying whenever she got papercuts.” 

Jungwon snickers. “She still does.”

“Hey!”

“And it feels like just yesterday that Jungwon stopped needing to sleep with a nightlight.” Jungwon’s cheeks turn pink and you snicker at him. 

“Time flew by fast,” says Jungwon. She lets the two of you go and the doorbell rings. “That must be Jay.” 

Indeed, Jay is standing behind the door and bows at your mom before she offers to help you both carry things to his car. They make small talk while the two of you put them into the trunk (he loves to cook while she loves to bake. Likewise, they enjoy talking about this with each other). Jay’s Jeep is far too expensive for you to wrap your head around, but you don’t complain when he offers to drive you in it. A yellow rubber duck sits on his dashboard and it never fails to bring a smile to your face whenever you see it. You wave goodbye to your mom and stick your body halfway out the window until you’re restricted by the seat belt.

“Can we get coffee on the way?” you ask, yawning into your palm. It’s eight o’clock and everyone’s agreed to arrive around noon for lunch and to relax before sleeping. 

“Yeah, good idea. Let’s pick up Riki and then stop somewhere.” 

Jay plugs his phone into the aux cord at a red light and turns on some music. You like driving with him because you always discover new songs you obsess over for the next few days. It brings a pang in your heart when you think about how this will have to stop when you move to Japan. The two of you have created many playlist blends and he’s curated a few for you. While you’re not as musically inclined like your friends may be, Jay is the only person who’s willing to break things down for you in depth so that you can understand them too. It’s nice, especially when he talks about his own musical talents. You can see why he loves music so much and you don’t mind if he sends you a million songs to listen to. He turns onto the freeway and you know you’re about to see Riki soon.

He’s about to be a first-year in the university you graduated from. He moved to Korea from Japan a few weeks prior to get a lay of the land and become more comfortable in his surroundings. Originally planning on enjoying your summer until he reached out to you, your mother chided your decision and told you to help Riki move into his new dormitory. 

It was the least you could do for your half-brother. 

Begrudgingly, you spent a lot of time making sure Riki felt comfortable and settled in when you could’ve been soaking up the sun. Maybe that’s why you were so adamant about hanging out with Jungwon whenever you could. Being around Riki made you feel drained because his mere presence was enough to remind you of why you started losing faith in people. 

The dorms aren’t too far from your house. The drive there is silent, save for the music coming from Jay’s stereo. It gives you plenty of time to think about what the next week or so might look like. Avoiding Heeseung is out of the question since there will be eight of you participating in the same activities together. You’re not worried about having to watch over Riki too much either. Before moving to Korea, he met Jungwon the first summer he spent a few weeks vacationing here and they instantly became friends. He introduced Riki to the people you’d be camping with too. Without fail, the seven of them were always up to no good when he was in town. 

Spending three weeks with him in your neighborhood felt like someone was trying to set your life ablaze. He was so young back then, barely speaking Korean until you had to translate conversations into Japanese for him. You tried to mask disdain for having to help him, but even then, Riki understood why you were hesitant to have him in your life. If he were in your position, he’d probably feel the same way about you. 

He didn’t come to Korea very often but started to when he had school recess for the holidays and summer breaks. Since he expressed an interest in attending university in Korea, it felt like the right decision to send Riki whenever school wasn’t in session. He’d stay with his paternal grandparents and saw you every so often when you were both invited to the same place. Neither of you made a real effort to keep up with each other on social media or over the phone. At this time, Riki followed you on Instagram and you hadn’t bothered to follow him back. In all honesty, you didn’t see the point. 

You held a lot of resentment over Riki for things you know you can’t blame him for. But with new life changes that came your way, Riki seemed like the perfect scapegoat. He feels it sometimes, the way you pull him in just to push him away when the moment gets too familiar. He shoves down his feelings, choosing to treasure when you laugh with him. 

The two of you are doing somewhat better nowadays. You followed him back on Instagram the night after you dropped him off at the airport at the behest of your grandparents. They insisted Riki arrive at the airport four hours early despite the flight’s duration equating to two and a half hours. You suspected they wanted to force you into spending a little bit of alone time with your half-brother and get to know each other. 

To your surprise, the two of you got along pretty well. Riki was a dweeb trying to mask himself as cool. You bought him ice cream (pretending like you didn’t see him smiling so hard that he forced it off of his face) and sat in your car for two hours to talk. He found out you were a genius when it came to mathematics, a subject he did not excel in, and you found out he’s in a hip hop dance crew and wants to study dancing in Korea. Riki showed you a few clips of him dancing and from the corner of your eye, you could see how happy he was to be sharing this moment with you. It made your heart twinge and guilt crept up your spine when you think of all the times you’ve blown him off. You said goodbye to him at the gate and he surprised you with the first hug he’s ever given you. 

Still, it’s a bit awkward when the two of you spend any time together without your friends acting as buffers. It irks you that Riki and Heeseung get along so well because they share similar interests and are often awake at the same time, especially during the midnight hour. Part of you wondered if Heeseung would tell you all about your “rivalry” and how the two of you didn’t get along. If he did, Riki never let you know it because he’s been the same Riki you’ve known since you first met him three years ago. 

You can tell Heeseung is a bit irritated, too, that your half-brother still chooses to be nice to you. In fact, you realize he’s annoyed at everyone about this, especially Jungwon. You don’t call him out on it because you know it’ll spark a useless argument that makes you and everyone else feel upset. How Heeseung has the energy and stamina to avoid you for hours on end is strange to you. 

You and Jungwon meet Riki at the front door while Jay gets out of the car to make room for his belongings and the lawn chairs his grandparents dropped off for this specific trip. There’s exactly eight of them and they somehow all fit into the rear with all of the other cooking gear he’s packed. You assume the other car has everything needed for pitching tents and fishing.

“Hi,” Riki says before you can acknowledge him. He steps forward like he’s about to throw his arms around you but stops himself. “Good morning.” 

“Morning, Riki,” you say while grabbing the duffle bag from his shoulder. “Let me put this in the car. You and Wonnie can load the chairs.” 

“Aye, aye, captain.” 

It’s Riki’s first time on the camping trip and you find yourself a bit more nervous with him coming. He’s not someone who’s been camping before and you wonder if any of the other guys are going to look out for him. Jungwon, for as responsible as he is, tends to turn into a younger version of himself when he’s with your half-brother. You furrow your eyebrows when you put his duffle bag in Jay’s trunk as he rearranges and waits for the two boys to load everything in before settling back into the car. 

Riki and Jungwon immediately hop in the backseat and you’re quite pleased that you don’t have to call shotgun. They talk about things you don’t understand while Jay starts the car and resumes manning the aux cord. That strange feeling of nervousness creeps back into your stomach. You turn around and startle Riki when you look at him. 

“Do you have everything you need?” you ask him. 

“Yes,” Riki says with a nod. “I have my water bottle, my Swiss army knife, and sunblock.” 

“Bug spray?” 

“Jungwon says he’s bringing a few bottles.”

“Swimming trunks?”

“C’Mon, Y/N. We’re gonna be camping by a lake. That’s the first thing I packed.”

“Toothbrush?”

“Second thing I packed.”

“Enough shirts and socks?”

“Okay,” Jay says, pulling your wrist to get you to look at the road. “Riki’s got everything he needs and if he doesn’t, I’m sure someone else would let him use or borrow it.”

“I’m just making sure he’s got everything so we don’t need to stop somewhere,” you mutter, slinking into your seat while Jay sighs. You don’t catch it, but Riki sits behind you with a happy smile on his face. 

“Relax. We’re trying to make the most before summer ends. You deserve that too.” You know Jay’s right. He smiles when you fix your posture and hands you his phone. “You know my passcode. Queue up whatever you want.” 

You do just that, especially since Jungwon and Riki are engrossed in a conversation about God knows what. You think of interrupting them to ask what they want to listen to but ultimately decide to play a few songs you and Jay could jam out to and some from Jungwon’s playlists. You also try to remember the songs Riki has danced to in his Instagram videos and the musicians he posts on his stories and add them to the queue too. 

“Thanks for letting us come on this trip,” Jay tells you with chatter in the background, not once taking his eyes off of the road. “I know it’s a thing you and Jungwon do with your families.” 

“Eh, it was bound to happen anyway. Jake was the only one here last summer and I knew it was a matter of time.” 

“Still, I know how you’ve been feeling lately and it must be overwhelming to have so many people around you right now.” Damn. Jay is almost as receptive as Jungwon is. 

You don’t bother lying to him. “Yeah, I think I’m just scared about starting my life in Okayama. I know a few people but it’s not like here. I thought it was what I wanted to do when I accepted the position but now I can’t help but feel like I made a mistake.” 

“It’s not a mistake if you believed in it enough to do it all those months ago. I mean, there’s a reason why you’re moving.” 

“I guess.”

“You don’t give yourself enough credit, dude. You’re like, a fucking wizard when it comes to numbers and even Jake is speechless. You know how he feels about math and physics.” 

That makes you laugh. “It feels kinda nerdy to love math so much but fuck it. It got me a paid year’s worth of employment before I earn my Master’s.”

“See? Not so bad, isn’t it?” You suppose it’s not. “Junwon, can you please tell the others that we’re about to stop for coffee then be on our way?” You see the notifications on your phone. 

wonton: we just picked up riki

jaeyunnie: who’s we

wonton: me jay and yn

jaeyunnie: AYOOOOOOO YN

you: JAEYUNIE :DD

jaeyunnie: idk why i thought jay was driving alone. whatever this is about to be the best camping trip of my Life. even better than last year

sun sun: is it just me or is jake always really fucking dramatic. also i’m lowkey offended i wasn’t invited last year …

jaeyunnie: shut Up u know nothing about me sunoo. and u were in bejing how tf could you have gone with us

sun sun: so much attitude 🙄

fanghoon: yn save me PLEASE. i’m in a car filled with animals

sun sun: HEY

jaeyunnie: who are you calling an animal big guy ?

you: sunghoon what makes you think i can do that 

you: jk come over here ~i will protect you~

fanghoon: Thank You. It’s Literally 8am

jaeyunnie: u guys need to become morning people

you: pass

sun sun: PASS 

sun sun: noona we are the same 🙂‍↕️

you: i know that’s right

wonton: we’re gonna stop for coffee before heading to the campsite 

jaeyunnie: oh shit we should make heeseung stop for coffee too

wonton: jay says to stop blowing up his phone in the group chat. we’ll text you when we stop for gas and when we’ve arrived. bye!!!

***

After one stop to fill up Jay’s gas tank (you paid for him as a thank you) and a snack run (Jungwon and Riki split the cost), the four of you are at the campsite in no time. You’re all somewhat grateful that it’s a little bit cloudy outside because the sun was killing you on the two-hour mark of your road trip. The weather is a little cooler and you tug on the sweater that Jungwon’s dad gave you.  

You see your other friends park just after you do. Jungwon and Riki are first to get out of the car and greet them like they haven’t seen the group in years while you and Jay take your time getting out of your seats. Since when did your joints become so stiff? You blame it on the fact that you woke up from a nap just a few minutes before you arrived. 

“This place was hard to find,” you hear Heeseung say from a distance. You try not to let it dampen your mood. 

“Where’s Y/N?” You’re sure that was Jake. 

“Waking up, probably,” says Jungwon. “She took a nap in the car and we just woke her up.” 

“The drive wasn’t even that long.” You assume your best friend gives Heeseung some kind of reaction before the latter apologizes quickly. 

Jake is by the passenger door as you open it and looks at you like a dog who wants to be taken out on a walk. He holds the handle to the door and bounces in his shoes until you push yourself out of the car. The loud slamming of the door behind you makes you wince. Jake pulls you into a hug faster than you can process. 

“I missed you dude,” Jake says. He puts his arm over your shoulder and slowly leads you to the group. “Did you have a good summer?”

“You know, despite the incredibly hot weather that made me feel like I would sweat to death, summer wasn’t so bad. How was Brisbane?”

“I missed the heat,” Jake says with a pout. “But it was pretty good to be back home for a month. I really missed my parents and my brother.” 

“I’m sure they missed you too.”

Jungwon spots you. “Your eyes are so puffy.” He takes his thumbs and tries to put more color underneath your eyes and onto your cheeks. Riki, Sunoo, and Jay have slipped away to start setting up camp.

Jake laughs beside you when you swat Jungwon’s hands away and lets his own arms fall when you lurch forward to give him a taste of his own medicine. He always liked that Jungwon was able to bring out a childish side to you because he’s always seen you carry yourself like you had to shoulder the weight of the world. Watching you chase Jungwon as he tried to escape your pinching fingers made him a bit more happier knowing you’d have friends like him to return to when you came back from Japan. 

Heeseung, however, rolls his eyes and speaks low. “She’s so childish.” 

“Dude,” Sunghoon sighs in exasperation. “We’re gonna be with her for a week. You need to quit making those comments.” 

Heeseung shrugs. “What? It’s not like she can hear what I’m saying.” 

“Yeah, but we can. We’re friends with her too, Heeseung.” 

The eldest tries to hold in his disdain. “Yeah, whatever. I’ll keep shit to myself.” 

“Just for now,” Jake encourages. “Y/N never starts anything with you but sometimes you say something that goes a little too far. No one is asking you to be her best friend.”

“Just remember it was Y/N’s mom and Jungwon’s parents who invited all of us,” Sunghoon reminds his friend. “We wouldn’t be here without them and if I recall correctly, you really wanted to come when you found out we were all planning to go.” Heeseung wants to argue and justify why he’s annoyed but can’t find a good enough reason. 

“You’re right,” he relents. “I’ll make nice but do not expect me to do shit for her.”

“We aren’t.” Sunghoon pats Heeseung’s back. “You’ve got this. It’s supposed to be a fun trip before we all go back to reality. All we want is one week where you two don’t create tension.” 

“I can do that.” Jake and Sunghoon share a look between the two of them when Heeseung isn’t looking and pray that he means it.

When Jungwon decides he’s out of breath, he accepts his fate and runs into Sunghoon’s arms when you outstretch your arms to pinch his cheeks and pull them apart like he’s made out of dough. The broken laughter coming from your best friend makes you laugh too. Everyone, save for Heeseung, laughs when Jungwon’s face becomes distorted due to your fingers. 

Eventually, you pull away from him and he starts to grab his duffle bag and the lawn chairs. The three of you follow suit once you realize you’re missing a few people. You lift your duffle over your shoulder and put on your hiking backpack while trying to hold more lawnshairs than you can carry. 

“Woah,” Sunghoon says as he catches a falling chair. “Let me help.”

“Thanks, Hoon. I don’t know why I thought I could carry two chairs at once.” 

“You’re strong but you’re also carrying a fuck ton of things.” 

He smiles at you and it makes you laugh. You haven’t seen much of Sunghoon over the summer because he’s been working nonstop at a local ice rink, teaching kids how to skate in back to back summer classes. Sunghoon is sometimes too tired to hang out after work or falls asleep on your couch whenever he hangs out with you to watch movies. Your mom thinks it’s a bit endearing and never has the heart to wake him up. Between Sunghoon’s impromptu sleepovers, Jungwon and Sunoo’s unannounced visits, Jay’s cooking and baking sessions in your kitchen, and Jake appearing out of nowhere every few nights for dinner, you’re starting to think your house might have an unspoken open door policy. 

Heeseung is the only one who doesn’t frequent your house if you don’t count Riki, who doesn’t spend enough time in Korea to become a permanent fixture. The only time Heeseung has been to your house is when he dropped Jungwon off after he had one too many to drink and he’d been adamant about going to your place because it was closer to the bar in comparison to your apartment. One awkward conversation later and Heeseung was out of your driveway. Jungwon woke up with a hangover the next morning and you were grateful your mother chose that weekend to take a girl’s trip with her best friends.

You don’t invite Heeseung over like you do with the others. The only reason why you haven’t deleted his phone number is because of the big group chat you’re in to discuss plans. He never responds to your texts in it and you don’t respond to him unless absolutely necessary. Sometimes you catch him laughing at your messages only to retract it when he realizes it’s you who sent it. It’s been six years of dealing with this and as much as it confuses you, part of you has learned to tune out this behavior and focus on the other friends you do share. 

Sunghoon must know you’re thinking about his friend because he looks at you like he’s been trying to get your attention. “Sorry,” you apologize. “What did you say?” 

“I said thanks for letting us crash your trip. I know this is something you and Jungwon do with your families every year. Can’t help but feel a little special that we get to come along.” 

You coo at him. “Do you remember when you could barely look me in the eye, let alone tell me something as sweet as that?” Sunghoon rolls his eyes. 

“Oh, shut up. You know I’m an introvert.” You bump your hip with his. 

“I’m just messing with you. But in all seriousness, it’ll be fun having you guys around.”

“I’m excited to see what you and Jungwon do every year.” 

“Nothing too out of the ordinary. Swim, eat a lot of food, kayak, hike, the usual. But there’s one spot we usually go to, just he and I, that’s away from the main spot on the lake.” 

“How’d you find it?”

“Jungwon found it by accident when we were younger. He said it was gonna be our secret spot and told me not to tell our parents. I think the whole campground panicked for an hour or so until somebody found us in the clearing.” 

Sunghoon snorts. “Yeah, that sounds like you two.” 

“They told us to tell them where we’d be and promised to leave us alone if we gave them a heads up. It’s not really noticeable if you don’t know where to look, but it’s so beautiful. It leads to another part of the lake and it’s always so peaceful and quiet.” 

“In that case, I’m honored that you’re showing us.” 

“Eh, it’s about time we add new members to the club.”

“Oh?” He raises his eyebrow. “There’s a club now?”

“Mhm. Gotta pay me two fish to join.” 

“Like you know how to fish.” You bump your hip with his again.

“There are things you guys don’t know about me, Park. Just wait and see.” 

Sunghoon lets the conversation end when he finds himself at the campsite where Jay and Riki have started to organize things and make spots for tents. It’ll take a few trips for all of the supplies and camping gear to be fully unloaded so you each take turns until everything is sitting in a big pile, waiting to be sorted. 

“Okay, I’m a bit out of my depth,” says Sunoo, who kicks around a rock as he speaks. “I, for one, will need help pitching a tent.”

“I’ll help you,” you say, nodding for him to come over. 

“You can pitch a tent?” Heeseung asks like he doesn’t believe you. 

You nod and pick up a bag. “Yeah. I do this every year.” You don’t say it with any bite in your tone but Heeseung, who forgot this fact, feels like an idiot for making a fool of himself in front of his friends. He chooses to look away from you for now. 

“We have three tents we need to put up,” Jay says. “I’m thinking we pitch those now, have a snack and water break, and then start to organize before we eat lunch.” 

“Sounds good.” You agree. “I’d rather have everything set up so we can enjoy our evening. Besides, we should do this before it gets dark.” 

“Right.” Jungwon clears his throat and hands out each bag, assigning your friends based on the size of the tent. Everybody gets to work, clearing the flat ground of rocks and debris before deciding where your tents will go. You all hammer the groundsheet into the dirt before assembling the poles.

You teach Sunoo the basics and give him pointers when he struggles to connect the joints. He’s learning much faster than he gives himself credit for because in no time, he’s jumping for joy when he finally manages to grasp what he’s supposed to be doing. It’s nice to watch him be so happy over this, as Sunoo originally declined the invitation to go camping since he isn't a huge fan of the outdoors. But now it’s like you would’ve never guessed that because he’s pretty quick to pick up your lessons.

Your tent is pitched up in no time. You roam around like a camp counselor to see if anybody needs help. Jake, Heeseung, Jay, and Jungwon seem to know what they’re doing and have the biggest tent halfway set up. Sunghoon and Riki look like they need a bit of assistance. Sunghoon’s figuring it out quickly while Riki fumbles with his fingers. 

“You have to do it slowly,” you say from beside him. Riki hands you the attachments when you beckon him to hand it over and show him slowly. “Like this. See? If you do it slowly, they’ll catch easier and it’ll be smoother when we feed them into the tent.” 

“Oh.” Riki nods when your trick works. “Thanks, Y/N.” 

The three of you pitch up your tent too, with Riki handing you the pegs to hammer them into the ground after zipping the door. Sunghoon dusts off his hands on his shorts and takes a big gulp from his water bottle. Sunoo’s mom packed enough fruit and onigiri for a midday snack, and all eight of you feast quietly after exerting more power than anyone anticipated. You really need to start working out again. 

“Before we clear out and organize everything else, we should probably figure out who sleeps where,” Jungwon says. “That way, we can put our stuff in our respective tents and have that out of the way.” 

“Good idea,” Jake says. “How should we do this? Rock, paper, scissors?” 

“Sure, but I think Y/N and I should share a tent.” Heeseung rolls his eyes at Jungwon and you see it from the corner of your vision.

“What?” Riki asks. “Why?” 

“Because all of you get too comfortable around her and forget she doesn’t want to hear you snore or see your boxers in the morning.” Jungwon laughs. “It’ll be easier since we’ve been camping together anyway. She’s used to rooming with me and I’m used to waking up next to a Zombie.” 

“I hate you.” Jungwon merely smiles at you.  

“You just want to get out of sharing a tent with three people,” says Sunghoon. Jungwon nods. 

“That too.” 

“Rock, paper, scissors it is,” Sunoo says, getting his hands ready. 

They all battle one another until the rooming situation is sorted. You and Jungwon will share a tent while Sunoo and Jay share the other smaller one. That leaves Jake, Sunghoon, Riki, and Heeseung sharing the big one. You all throw your belongings in before helping Jay organize the portable stove, chairs, and other things that need to be stored properly. 

When all is said and done an hour later, Jay and Sunghoon start a barbecue. All of you are spent, sagging your bodies in the camping chairs that are positioned around the campfire. You know you’ll need to fetch some wood from the outpost if you all want to have a bonfire. But that can be a task for later.

“Your mom makes the best onigiri,” Riki groans as he shoves another bite in his mouth. “It reminds me so much of home.” 

Sunoo smiles proudly. “She’s the best, isn’t she?” Jake, who is busy stuffing his face with sliced watermelons, agrees. They pick at the leftovers from snack time and Jay chides them for it.

“Don’t spoil yourselves too much or you won’t have an appetite for lunch.” 

“He’s so bossy,” Riki says as he leans over towards you. “But it’s kinda nice having someone who does shit and takes charge.” 

You nod. “Mhm. Usually Jungwon and I are the ones spearheading everything but Jay’s got some camping experience. I’m fine taking the backseat.” 

“Do you camp a lot? Besides this tradition, I mean.” Riki watches you shake your head. 

“No, not really. This is as much as I can handle. It’s more like a gigantic lake house with hot showers and a few convenience stores miles away to replenish food if we run out of anything.”

“It looks like you know what you’re doing.”

“That’s because I do, Riki.” 

He blushes. “Right. Thanks for helping me with my tent earlier.” 

“Don’t sweat it. You’ll be able to do it without my help in no time.” That brings a shimmer of hope to the younger boy sitting next to you. 

Heeseung avoids looking at you when Riki purposefully sits beside you on the empty lawn chair. He doesn’t completely understand why the younger boy likes you so much. Heeseng thinks you’re a nuisance and that you overstay your welcome at hangouts. But Riki clings to you like you’re his lifeline and he gets that you’re his half-sister and all, but you weren’t the most welcoming to him when he started hanging out in Korea more often. Riki would never tell Heeseung the details about his past and he never tried to pry past what the youngest would reveal. Six years of avoiding you made him forget every single detail he once knew about you when you’d both been somewhat friendly towards one another. 

There were some days when you wouldn’t make room in your schedule to see Riki as often as he’d wanted you to and he lamented that to Heeseung. But every time he’d start to talk about how unfair it was for you to pick and choose when you got to see our younger brother, Riki would defend you every time. He didn’t get it, feeling the frustration bubble to the surface before realizing that it wasn’t his place to question why Riki acted the way he did. Sure, he was younger than Heeseung, but he respected family matters and didn’t care about you enough to figure you out anyway. 

He keeps these feelings to himself mostly. The friends you share don’t really understand why he has a distaste for you and he refuses to elaborate because the memory is too painful, and instead chooses to bury these feelings. It’s nobody’s business anyway. He certainly doesn’t want to start anything with Riki involved because he would feel guilty for putting him in an uncomfortable position, and because he knows he’d defend you regardless. Even though you’ve made progress to open up yourself to Riki, Heeseung still scoffs whenever he sees the two of you together. 

By the time lunch is done, all eight of you are crowded around a table built into the ground, feasting on meat and vegetables. Everybody thanks Jay for cooking and the seven of you agree to clean up after every meal so Jay doesn’t have to work twice as hard. You’re not sitting too far from Heeseung (to both of your dismay). Sunghoon purposely sat in between you both when he realized the other empty spots were filling up and didn’t want to chance an uproar during mealtime. 

“So,” Sunoo starts to say after closing the bottle cap on his cola. “What’s on the agenda for today? Personally, I think we should take it easy until tomorrow.” 

“I agree.” Jungwon nods. “We’ve done a lot and drove for a while. I say we relax and do whatever until dinner.” 

“I’m going to nap, that’s for sure.” You all snicker at Jay. Typical. 

“Me too,” says Riki. 

“Is anyone up for walking around the lake?” Jake asks. 

“I could go,” Sunghoon says from next to you. 

“Sure,” you finally say, “why not.” 

“I think I’ll hang back here.” Heeseung says it almost immediately and it stings a bit. “I’ll probably nap too.” 

“I want to read.” Sunoo changes the direction of the conversation before anyone can pick up on the awkwardness and you throw him a smile. 

“I think I’ll join you.” Jungwon pulls a book from his backpack and the pair begin to brainstorm where they should sit. Natural chatter falls back into place and you focus on eating, as your stomach has been grumbling pretty loud. 

Heeseung breaks the silence. “Can someone pass me the pineapple?” You don’t register that your arm has moved on its own accord and pass the container to him. Heeseung gives you a look you can’t decipher and it’s only then you realize what you’ve done. Sunghoon gulps. 

“Thanks,” Heeseung mutters, taking the pineapple from your hands. You’re pleasantly surprised he doesn’t make a comment about how he isn’t craving it anymore and watch him eat some from the corner or your eye. 

By nightfall, all of you are too exhausted to sit around the campfire. The hot shower stalls provide the kind of warmth you would go crazy without and you find yourself contemplating underneath the water longer than you’d like to admit. A plethora of thoughts run across your mind and they drift from the events of today, Riki, Heeseung, and moving to Okayama. Your friends don’t bring up the move and you’re grateful for that. 

When you return from the shower and from brushing your teeth, Jungwon asks if you’re okay. You lie and say you’re fine but exhausted and he lets it go, too tired himself to pry the truth out of you. The last thing you think about is Heeseung. You send a silent prayer out into the universe and ask that the two of you are able to make nice during this camping trip. Then, you fall asleep.

***

Everybody is up bright and early after a good night’s sleep. All of you agree today’s the best day for a short hike to get used to the terrain before you explore harder trails. You and Jungwon know the hike like the back of your hand and lead the group expertly through trees and dirt pathways. All of you have a backpack for your essentials, and each of you has packed a portable lunch for when you reach the top of the peak at the end of the trail. 

Halfway into the hike is not as uphill as you recalled it to be. The scenery is still breathtaking and you temporarily forget that Heeseung is burning eyes in the back of your skull. Last night’s prayer seems to be working, as he hasn’t said a word to you or argued with you when you started leading everybody towards the start of the hiking path. You’re not sure whether his feelings about you changed or if he knows you’re the literal expert since you grew up here, but you don’t think you care either way. 

Heeseung makes a false step and twists his ankle. You hear the commotion behind you and turn around. He stumbles and a sharp edge of a branch catches his thigh, creating a gash that starts to bleed. Everyone crowds around him when they realize it and make him sit on a large rock and he feels like shouting at you to back away when you start to walk towards him.

“Guys, I’m fine. It’s not that bad.” He feels more embarrassed than hurt. 

Jake looks concerned. “Dude, your leg is bleeding.” 

“It’s just a cut.” 

“Let me inspect it.” 

You pull your backpack off of you and take out your water bottle and first aid kit. You drop to your knees to inspect the wound and Heeseung refrains from coughing at the awkward position from where he’s sitting. You don’t seem phased by it, however, as you push up the fabric of his shorts and use your water bottle to clean the dirt from his wound. 

Your face is somewhat close to his leg and he jumps when your hand touches his thigh. The guys mistake his sudden movements as pain and rush to help stabilize him. Heeseung insists that he’s fine and brushes them off of him. He won’t admit that his fidgeting is because the last thing he expected you to do was patch him up. He figures Jungwon would be good at that kind of stuff, not you. 

Heeseung winces at the sudden contact of water in his wound. “Okay, maybe it hurts a little.”

“You won’t need stitches or anything, but I should get you cleaned up and put a bandage on it.”

Heeseung watches as you do your best to clean it with the wipes you have and ointment that will keep any debris out. The wound isn’t too gnarly but it’s no small papercut either. He watches as you expertly deal with the wound and keeps quiet, even though he feels uncomfortable and wishes he could turn back time to avoid any of this. It’s awkward to know your hands are on him because he feels like ants are crawling up his leg.

“I think we should probably go back and rest a little,” says Jungwon. “We can eat lunch there and maybe hang out for a bit.”

“Good idea,” Heeseung mutters when you’ve stepped away from him. Sunghoon and Riki each help him up and allow the eldest to use them as crutches as he limps back to the base. He mutters a quiet ‘thank you’ in your direction and doesn’t pay attention to see your reaction. You feel like you got your hopes up for nothing because he turns his back towards you before you can smile at him. Defeated, you try to put your best self on display and follow everybody back to your tents. 

Heeseung decides to rest on the chairs and eat his lunch there. You aren’t particularly eager to spend any time with him and figure he’d appreciate it if you weren’t around while he recovered. You take your sack of lunch and tell Jungwon you’ll be walking around the lake like you did yesterday. He tells you to be safe and then you’re on your way. 

“Hey, wait up!” You turn around to see Jake running until he’s caught up with you. It’s a bit unfair how he barely runs out of breath when he jogs. It’s definitely because he’s an athlete, but it’s still unfair. 

“Care to join?” 

“Can’t a guy accompany his friend on a nice, brisk walk?” 

That makes you laugh. “Yeah, sure.” You fall in a quiet tandem enjoying the silence and the environment for a while. “I had a lot of fun camping last year. I think my favorite part was kayaking or when Jungwon accidentally dropped his entire s’more in the fire.” 

You snicker at the memory. “His mom was so mad that he kept eating the marshmallows.” 

“Yeah, it was pretty funny. I still feel kind of embarrassed that I managed to flip over in my kayak somehow.” 

“Eh, it makes for a good story.”

“It’s not my fault Jungwon slammed into me!” Jake defends when you begin to laugh. “Seriously, Y/N. How the fuck do you put up with that menace?” 

“The same way you do, dummy.”

Jake bites into his sandwich. “I love Jungwon.”

“Me too.” 

“Our parents loved having you come too. Jungwon’s dad loves fishing with people.”

“I still can’t believe how many we were able to catch. I’m sad the guys weren’t there because they keep shitting on me for not being able to catch any when we go together.” 

You bump your shoulder against his. “They don’t know what I know. I’m sure my mom has pictures somewhere.” 

“How is she, by the way?” Jake asks. 

“Eomma’s doing alright. She just got a huge bonus at work for managing a really difficult client and completing this campaign she’s been working on. It stressed her out for months but I’m happy if she’s happy.” 

“That’s awesome. I’m happy for her.” 

“How are things with your family? How’s Layla?” 

“My parents are actually on a trip to the States to see some family and my brother just got promoted at his job. I’m super proud of him. He worked really hard for it. Layla’s doing okay too. She’s staying with my cousin until I come back.” 

“I miss her.”

“She probably misses you too.” 

The two of you settle into a comfortable pace and eat your lunches. There are no awkward moments with Jake. Something about his personality makes everyone around him divulge their deepest secrets and he always seems to know what to say, too. You haven’t been close to him for very long but you know him well enough to know that he’ll keep anything you say between the two of you. 

“I know you probably feel a little awkward with Heeseung around but you’ve been handling it really well.” Jake’s tone softens and he looks straight ahead as he talks, breaking the temporary silence. “I don’t know what goes on in his head half the time.” 

“I just wish I knew what I did so I can apologize and fix it. He gets mad every time I ask and accuses me of bringing up bad memories for him. I don’t know what to do, Jake. It feels like he gets along with everybody in my life but me.” 

“We all know Heeseung’s been through a lot and has trouble talking about them sometimes. He’s been in therapy but we had to really convince him to set an appointment.” 

You scoff. “Sounds like him.’ Jake doesn’t disagree. 

“I guess I understand that having to deal with shitty cards makes a person go insane.”

“Sure. I just wish I wasn’t the scapegoat.” Jake winces but tries not to let you see. 

“Sorry you’re going through this. Sunghoon and I made him swear to be on his best behavior.” 

“It’s a little awkward still but at least he isn’t picking a fight with me. Although, who knows how long that’ll last.”

“Have a little more faith in him, Y/N.” You deadpan and he holds his hand up in mock surrender. “Okay, next topic. How are you feeling about Japan?” 

Your shoulders slump. ”Awful.” 

Jake’s head quirks like he doesn’t understand. “What do you mean? You were really excited when you got the job offer.” 

“I know but…it doesn’t feel right anymore. My whole life is about to change and I don’t know how I feel about that.”

“You don’t have to know anything. In fact, I’d be a little worried if you had your shit figured out.” You punch his arm. “It’s really cool that you’re leaving Korea to pursue your dream. I know how hard it is to leave everything behind for a better opportunity.”

You look at him softly and nod because you know he empathizes with you. Back when you first met him, he’d moved from Australia to Korea because your university had one of the best physics programs in the world. He knew how to speak your native Korean but wasn’t confident in conversing back then, and you had your fair share of mentoring him in formal greeting and the basics when it came to interacting with people. Jake definitely understands where you’re coming from and doesn’t want you to feel alone. 

“We’ll always be here for you too,” he reassures. “We won’t be too far away and you can come home whenever you have the time and aren’t working.” 

“I know, but it feels like everything in my life is changing at the same time and there’s nothing I can do to stop it. I wish I was a freshman again. I wish I could turn back time and really enjoy my life before I make a life changing decision.” 

“You’re really torn up about this, aren’t you?”

Nodding, you look at the ground beneath you. “There are so many things I’ve been dealing with over the past few years or so and it feels like I’m giving up on things if I just leave. Everything feels so scary, you know? I feel like I’m being suffocated every time I open my eyes. 

“On top of starting a new job in a place I’m not that familiar with, I’m leaving my mom behind. I’ve never lived farther than an hour away from her and I hate knowing that I won’t be able to see her whenever I want. Not to mention Riki studying in Korea means I’ll be spending even more time with him.”

Jake chooses not to comment and nods with his lips pressed into a thin line. He doesn’t know what’s going on between the two of you but has his suspicions after hearing your hushed conversations with Jungwon. Even before the two of you became as close as you are, Jake has always looked out for you because he knows Jungwon loves you like a sister. It was easy to tell that you’d fallen into some sort of depression as you graduated high school and barely managed to pull yourself out of it before graduating university. 

Riki has always been a sore subject for you. Jake doesn’t bring him up unless you do, no matter how much he adores the younger boy. The relationship you have with him is complicated but it tears him up inside to see Riki longing for you when the two of you are together. Jake knows there’s a great deal of tension that follows both of you too. He could feel it the first time you brought up having a half-brother and started to put the pieces together. 

“I love that Riki’s more comfortable in Korea. I really do,” you confess. “I love that my friends get along with him too, but part of me is scared that you’ll all forget about me since he’ll be here to take my place.” 

“You are not replaceable.” Jake looks at you when he says it. “You’re about to chase your dream, Y/N. None of us will throw our friendship down the drain just because we won’t be able to see you everyday. Riki is great but he’s not you.”

He’s pleased when you lift the corners of your mouth into a small smile. “Thanks, Jake. I don’t know where this fear came from.” 

“You’re dealing with a lot. It’s understandable. I don’t know much about what’s going on between you and Riki, and you don’t have to tell me, but you should know that he loves you a lot and would never think about dishonoring you while you’re gone.” 

“I know. I have a lot of pent up emotions and therapy feels like it isn’t working. I guess I should give myself some more time. But with the move, it’s been hard to focus on anything. I don’t want Riki to feel like I don’t want him in my life but it’s hard to make room for somebody you didn’t know existed until a few years ago.” 

Jake nods. “Yeah, I get that. It feels a bit weird making space for someone who calls himself your brother, isn’t it?” 

“He has every right to. I mean, he’s my half-brother. But I don’t know…I want to be at a place where I can look at him and not see how much my life has changed for the worst. He’s such a talented kid with a bright future and I hate that I project my feelings onto him.” 

“Baby steps,” Jake reassures. “You’ve been through a lot of shit. Both you and your mom have and you've both handled it really well.” 

“I’m glad it looks that way because I feel like I’m hanging on by a thread.” 

“Well, that’s what it means to be in your early twenties.”   

The two of you decide to head back to the campsite when it starts to get warmer. You throw your trash in garbage bins before trotting back and see that Sunoo and Jay have left to go back hiking on the trail that you were on earlier in the day. Heeseung seems to fare better with his wound, which you see he’s managed to replace (thanks to Jungwon, no doubt). But his mood seems to worsen when he sees you and Jake walking side by side towards the group. 

“How was the lake?” Jungwon asks, sipping on a cola.

“Pretty,” Jake replies. “There weren’t that many people there so it was a little empty.” 

“We should probably discuss what we want to do for the rest of the day and plan some stuff for later this week. It’ll be a little warmer later in the week so I think we should save that. There’s a great spot where Y/N and I go fishing. We could do that later in the morning.”

“Y/N, fishing?” Heeseung laughs. “I’d pay to see that.”

“What, you don’t think I can fish?” 

He shrugs. “I didn’t know you were a fan of the outdoors. You always had a nose in your textbooks so I thought that was it for you.” 

“Well, Heeseung, it’s not like the two of us know each other well enough to know these types of things.” He doesn’t seem to like that answer. 

“Fishing tomorrow it is!” Jake interjects. 

“I haven’t gone fishing in a long time,” Riki laments. “It’ll be nice to have trout for dinner.” 

“I think Jay brought a lot of seasoning and sides,” Jungwon says to the group. “We can always go to the market a few miles down for anything else.” 

You tune out the rest of the conversation, feeling a bit tired from the walk and the heat that’s starting to make you sweat. You’re eternally grateful that your tent is covered in shade and contemplate on taking a nap when Jungwon waves at you.

“You good, Y/N? You seem a little out of it.” You nod at Jungwon and take a seat next to the closest camp chair. You can feel Heeseung watching you and try not to slip as you sink down into the seat, crossing one of your legs over the other. 

“Yeah, I’m fine. Just have a lot going on in my head. I think I’m a little tired, too”

Heeseung scoffs quietly. “We’re camping. What could you possibly be thinking about that’s making Jungwon worried?” You curl into yourself as Jungwon chides his friend. 

“I’m moving to Japan soon,” you tell him. You’re not even sure that he knows this about you, figuring that one of your friends would tell him to you at some point. Neither of you communicate with one another unless you absolutely have to. You didn’t see the point in telling him. “I’ve been thinking a lot about that, I guess.”

An array of emotions seems to wash over him and, as always, you have a hard time trying to figure out what he’s feeling and thinking. “Oh. So you’ll be out of Korea?”

“Yup.” 

“When are you leaving?” 

“Don’t seem too excited,” Sunghoon says underneath a cough.

“In a couple of weeks. I leave a little after we get back home.” Heeseung merely nods. He doesn’t ask you why you’re moving or what part of Japan you’ll be living in and you don’t offer that information, feeling awkward with the tension ever since you and Jake arrived back at the campsite. Riki finishes eating and stands up to throw his trash away, providing something to look at in order to forget that Heeseung keeps trying to look away from you. 

“Y/N’s gonna be an engineer,” Jungwon brags on your behalf. “She’s taking a year off to work before getting her master’s degree.” 

“Damn,” Riki whistles. “You’re so smart.” You try to hide a smile. 

“What are you gonna be working on?” Sunghoon asks. 

“I’ll be assisting other researchers in software development, particularly for space and aeronautics.” You nod once, feeling tense underneath everyone’s stare. “I don’t know what I’ll be doing specifically but that’s why I’m moving to Okayama.” 

“That’s so cool!” Jake exclaims. Heseung rolls his eyes at his excited outburst and tries to avoid your eye. “You’re gonna be amazing.” 

“I hope so. It’s a great opportunity to work in my chosen field before I decide to continue in this career when I go back to school. I have so many interests within mathematics but this seems like the right place to start.”

“Shit,” Sunghoon says as he slowly claps for dramatic effect. “I knew you were smart but you’re a fucking genius.”

“I wouldn’t say genius–”

“You are, though.” Jungwon smiles at you and gives two thumbs up. “You’re the smartest person I know, dude. This company is lucky to have you.”

“So cool,” Jake says again. He bumps Heeseung’s shoulder with the back of his hand. “Isn’t that right, Heseung?” 

“Yeah, totally,” he says carelessly, giving you a half-hearted smile. His mouth doesn’t quite reach his eyes and you refrain from audibly sighing. 

“Don’t you think Y/N was always the smartest person in our year?” Heeseung nods. Jake nudges his friend again. 

“Yes,” Heeseung says with a great amount of venom in his tone. He shakes off Jake’s hand from his body abruptly, causing the younger boy to take a step back in shock. He looks at you and musters an insincere smile when he notices the rest of your friends watching. “Y/N is so smart.” 

His sarcasm deafens your ears and makes your blood feel like it could be boiling beneath your skin. The atmosphere around you changes. Riki and Jungwon try to pretend like everything is normal while Jake and Sunghoon give Heeseung wide eyes as if to tell him to knock it off. You look at your lap, uncomfortable with the silence that washes over. 

“Why’s it so quiet?” Sunoo asks from behind you. The group collectively sighs and you’re all thankful that he and Jay returned from their hike to cut the tension. 

“We were just talking about what we wanted to do for the rest of the day,” Jungwon says before anyone can speak. “Let’s take it easy tonight and go fishing tomorrow.” 

“Sounds good to me.” Jay takes a seat and takes a big gulp of water. “Let’s heat up some kimchi jjigae for dinner because I don't feel like cooking. Jake’s mom made enough for all of us to have seconds.” 

None of you disagree. Feeling yourself grow more tired the more your friends converse with one another, you manage to catch Jungwon’s eye and nod at him before heading inside the tent. 

***

It’s not unusual for you to wake up with what feels like a heavy heart but you’re having a hard time pushing yourself off of the uncomfortable ground to get ready for the day. Jungwon is asleep beside you with his knee digging into your side but even that isn’t enough to motivate you to leave the tent. 

You mourn the loss of your mom and his parents accompanying you  on this trip. As fun as hanging out with your friends are, having Heeseung constantly avoiding eye contact and muttering things underneath your breath has you feeling more on edge than you anticipated. It always feels like he’s waiting for you to mess up so he can get a word in or wait for the perfect moment to drop a subtle insult that only you can catch. Sunghoon and Jake in particular try their best to restrain him but that doesn’t do much. Eating dinner was awkward and you blamed your quiet nature on sleeping too deeply. 

Finally, you sit up in your spot and rub the sleep out of your eyes. It doesn’t seem like any of the other guys are up and you pull a clock out to read the time. It’s still early and the people around you are still waking up as well. Your movements seem to have woken up Jungwon, who yawns when he opens his eyes.

“Morning,” he croaks. “Did you sleep okay?”

“It was fine. Woke up a few times because of people stepping on twigs, though.”

“Yeah, same. I think Jake got up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom. Woke up to him walking by the tent.” Jungwon sits up and brushes the hair out of his eyes. “I’m so hungry thinking about all the trout we’re about to eat tonight.” 

“If you catch any.” He swats your arm. 

“I alway catch more than you.”

“Nuh-uh. Last year I beat you by two fish.”

“Y/N, I’ve caught more fish than you every year before that.” 

“Shut up.” 

You hear Jungwon laughing as you exit the tent to freshen up at the bathhouse. There are a few people milling about when you walk towards the structure. Your mouth feels a bit grimey from your morning breath and the cold water that hits your face wakes you up immediately. When you turn around after you’ve finished your morning routine, you collide right into Heeseung.

“Watch it.” 

“I didn’t see you. Geez.” Your heart continues thumping as you grip your toiletry bag. Heeseung rolls his eyes and slips past you. Anger rises within you but you decide that it’s not worth getting so worked up over at this hour. 

As time ticks by, the rest of your friend group emerge from their tents and gather around the campfire. You all wait for everyone to wake up and prepare themselves for the day, enjoying a nice breakfast with a cool breeze until you’re all ready to go fishing. You secure the bucket hat Jungwon’s dad gave you until it fits snugly over your head and forego a jacket, only packing the necessities while you wait for everybody else to gather their belongings before you’re all walking to the boathouse. 

The instructors are the same from last year. You and Jungwon make small talk and explain that neither of your parents are here on this trip and you tell them about Japan when they ask you about life after college. Each of your friends introduce themselves and after a quick introduction, they’re leading all eight of you out onto the dock. 

There are enough boats for two pairs of three and one for two people. It seems as though you were too preoccupied talking to the employees because you realize the only boat left is one shared with Heeseung and Riki. 

“Oh,” comes your meek voice in realization as you watch the two step onto the boat.

“You should man the engine,” the employee says as the two men get on before you. “You’re more familiar.”

“I can steer,” Heeseung says. “I’ve done it before.” 

“I’ve watched Y/N steer these boats for a decade, son. You’ll definitely want her to do it.” 

Heeseung relents. It’s a small victory, but a victory nonetheless, 

You step onto the boat. Heeseung sits at the far end while Riki sits in the middle, holding onto the seat as you get your bearings. The three of you wave goodbye to the employees at the dock and you start to drive the boat out into the lake to catch up with the rest of your friends.

The open clearing away from the port is more beautiful than you can describe. With open waters and enough room to roam around, there’s an array of directions to catch the most fish. The water is fairly calm with the exception of the ripples your boat makes. Riki and Heeseung don’t say a word as you steer them towards a clear path with minimal boats and see the other guys scattered around the large body of water. 

Neither of them argue with you about where to go, even though Heeseung is holding himself back. Bitter over having you steer, he knows it’s the logical answer since you know this place like the back of your hand. He instead chooses to bask in the sunlight and welcomes the spray of water on his face and body. The cool splashes are a nice contrast to the warm sunlight. 

When you start to slow the boat down, the water around you becomes still as well. You turn the engine off and wait for the contraption to settle beneath you. The sound of water rippling against itself is enough to make you feel more at ease and you don’t mind it when you see Heeseung start to assemble bait on the fishing poles.

“Why’d you pick this place?” Riki asks.

“I caught a lot of fish here last year. I hope we can catch more this year.”

“More than Jungwon?”

You smile. “Yeah. He and I have this unspoken competition.”

“What’s the prize?”

“There’s not really a prize. It’s just something we do.”

“What’s the point of competing if there’s no prize?” Heeseung interjects. You shrug.

“Dunno. It’s fun for us.” He doesn’t say anything after that. 

It’s quiet for a while. The sound of birds chirping and faint chatter in the background fill the atmosphere but the three of you silently agree to refrain from talking once you’ve all casted your reels. Riki, who is a bit excited to catch some fish, anxiously peers at the water below him every few minutes or so. He pulls back with a pout when he doesn’t feel a tug on his line. The awkward tension somewhat dissipates and you’re able to forget that Heeseung is a few feet away from you. He angles his face towards the water and seems to be in his own bubble as you hold your fishing rod. 

Growing up on this campsite means learning the virtue of patience and willing yourself to become more in tune with your surroundings. It was your father that first taught you that the most important rule to fishing was patience. He’d tell you the fishes could sense urgency and impatience from underneath the water, and therefore they knew not to take your bait. It made sense to you at a young age. Every time you’d be on the water with him, you’d force yourself to slow down and calm your thoughts until the silence felt like a welcomed embrace. 

That mantra of practicing patience seeps into your life now that your dad isn’t in it anymore. Jungwon’s father had volunteered to go fishing with you the first year your own chose not to go on the annual camping trip. Everyone could tell how difficult it was for you and your mother to attend, but despite hardship and the change in dynamics, she didn’t want either of you to lose any semblance of normalcy. You’d argue that was the hardest week of your life. Jungwon, who is usually very organized and detail oriented, chose to let you lead the trip activities between the two of you and didn’t complain once.

The two of you were in high school when your father left and Jungwon swears it was like somebody stole the sun from your eyes. Your studies became the sole focus of your life and even Heeseung was barely at the forefront of your mind anymore. He’d watch you become detached from everything that didn’t have to do with academics and extracurriculars. Focusing on college applications was the most important thing for you back then. 

Of course, Jungwon and all of your friends gave you a bit of space to process new feelings and the change in household. Your father moved away and wasn't living in the house anymore. It started to become an empty shell, where neither you nor your mother could stand eating at the dining table because it brought up unwanted memories. Your dad wasn’t here to help you with homework anymore and you could no longer hear your parents talk outside of your door until you fell asleep. The complete silence startled you. It still does sometimes, but you’ve learned that grief is about facing your hardships until it isn’t so scary anymore. 

These trips are bittersweet every year. Fishing is a reminder of everything you’ve lost. But lately, you’re starting to think about it as everything you could gain and then some.  

“The more you look down, the more the fish are gonna be scared,” you say, breaking the quiet atmosphere. Riki looks at you quizzically. 

“Really?”

“No, but you’re not gonna catch anything faster just by looking down.” His shoulders sag. 

“We’ve been here for so long and nothing has tugged on my line.” 

“Fishing is a game of chance. The fish choose to take your bait if it feels enticed enough.” As if on cue, your fishing rod starts to move. Riki watches you latch onto it while Heeseung turns back when he feels the boat rock underneath him and observes you too. You wrestle with it for a short while before reeling the fish above water and proudly hold it beside you. “Patience is the most important part of fishing. The fish finds you when you least expect it.” Heeseung snorts when you put the fish in the bucket. It takes a great deal out of you not to roll your eyes. 

“You’re so wise,” Riki mutters. 

“I don’t think I’m wise, per se. I just think there’s nothing else you can do when you’re in open water with nothing to distract you.” 

“I’m working on my patience. Moving to Korea made that pretty difficult for me.” 

“Well, you’re moving to a new country. It’s something you’ve never done before, you know? I bet packing was stressful.” 

“I hated every second of it,” he says as he rolls his eyes like you’ve brought out an irritating memory. “I triple checked everything before leaving. I hope I didn’t forget anything back home.” 

“Are you scared to start the semester?”

Riki thinks about it for a second. “Kind of. My Korean is okay, but I still have trouble saying certain words. The culture is different, too. I need to get used to that more. I guess I’m a bit sad that I had to leave my friends and family behind but it’s for the best, isn’t it? I wanted this.” 

You find yourself nodding in agreement. “Yeah. It’s hard to leave everything you know behind.” 

“I cried when I said goodbye to my dance teachers,” Riki admits with a laugh. “I think it was the first time I did that in front of them. We kept bowing to each other until I had to go. It’ll be weird finding a new studio in Seoul but I’m excited about it.” 

“You’re an incredible dancer, Riki. There’s no doubt in my mind that you’ll thrive here.” 

He tries to hide his blush. “Thanks. I’m happy that I know some people already but it’s not the same, you know?” 

“That’s how I feel about moving to Okayama. I know it’ll only be a year, but it feels like I’ll be there for a lifetime.” 

“Do you ever get scared that everything back home will change?” Heeseung, too, is curious about your answer. 

“Honestly? Yeah. Sometimes it feels like everything’s gonna change completely the second I step on that plane. I feel like everyone will forget me and move on.”

Riki looks back at the water. “I wonder if people back home think of me.” 

“They do.” He looks back at you.

“Everyone here will think about you too.” 

A beat passes between the two of you and you start to see Riki for what he is: a smart, sensitive person who disguises himself as somebody who can mask his feelings. What you learn is that your half-brother wears his heart on his sleeve but is careful about who he gives himself too. It’s something you’ve noticed in the time you’ve known him, but this trip is starting to make you think you two are more alike than not. 

“What about you, Heeseung?” Riki asks, turning to look at the eldest. “What are you gonna be doing now that you graduated?” 

“I, uh, start working at a record label pretty soon.” He clears his throat. Knowing you’re looking at him makes this boat feel smaller all of the sudden. 

“You majored in music production, right?” Heeseung nods. 

“Yeah. I’ve always had an interest in music so I learned how to produce during freshman year and started taking it seriously.”

“I’ll bet your perfect pitch helps you a lot.” Heeseung whips his gaze over to you when you speak and you feel your skin burn. You don’t know if you should’ve contributed to the conversation or not. 

“Sure does,” he says awkwardly, looking at the fishing rod between his legs. Heeseung remains quiet when Riki doesn’t prod him further and looks back at the water in front of him. Even in the forced proximity, you still can’t figure out why he chooses to be avoidant. 

Heeseung, on the other hand, finds that there’s much to contemplate about. His life has barely begun and yet he feels the weight of his future hanging in the balance. He’s just moved into his first apartment and will need to furnish it when he gets back from the camping trip. He’s got a mattress with no bed frame and a single loveseat his parents gave him. Aside from his gaming setup, Heeseung’s one bedroom apartment is completely bare. 

Looking at it makes him worry for his future and being around you. You, someone he’s always assumed had it easy because you were academically gifted, makes Heeseung feel like he’s got to step up his game. He hasn’t liked you ever since high school for reasons he justifies as perfectly valid. But high school was years ago and some of his anger has subsided. All that’s left is a faint annoyance and he'd rather be anywhere than next to you. He only said yes to this trip because of the other people who were going as well. 

He’s kept his feelings simmering beneath the surface and chooses to focus on anything but you when he hears you talk. It’s frustrating enough knowing you share a lot of mutual friends, even worse when some of his best friends are people you consider family. He hates that Jake is comfortable enough to hang out with you without anyone else present and loathes that Sunghoon actively wants to become closer to you after he realized the two of you share the same taste in cinema. He especially despises the fact that Riki looks up to you even though, in Heeseung’s eyes, you’ve done nothing to earn it. 

The young teenager met the eldest of the bunch at a bonfire the third time he came to Korea after your mom had forced you to bring him along. You told him absolutely no alcohol no matter if anyone else was going to be drinking and to say no if your friends offered him a beer. He watched you that night, the way you periodically looked at your half-brother but made a lame attempt to include him in conversation. Riki found fast friends in Sunoo and Jungwon after messing around in the shallow waters of the ocean. Heeseung decided that you didn’t deserve that type of respect from Riki at that moment. 

It’s been years since then and he’s seen the two of you grow, albeit slowly. Even in his blind hatred for your existence, Heeseung has always wondered why Riki vies for your attention. In fact, what is it about you that makes everybody fawn over you? Why do you always seem to be the center of attention? Does nobody care about what you did to him all those years ago?

It keeps him up at night to know that nobody around him understands why he’s so angry at you. Above the root cause, you have everything you could ever want. You were the smartest girl in high school and university, and it was no question about what your future would look like. You’d accepted a job opportunity right after graduating and it seemed as though things were merely handed to you without you working that hard for it. You didn’t have to ask for anything. It always seemed as though people could read your mind and always gave you what you wanted. 

Maybe coming to the camping trip was a mistake. He’s been walking on eggshells around you this entire time and feels like he’s suffocating every time his friends laugh at your jokes. Heeseung bites his tongue when he feels himself getting worked up and finds that nothing can get his mind off of you no matter how hard he tries. 

He wonders if you remember that day all those years ago. He wonders if you know just how hurtful words can be and how awful it is to be on the receiving end of utter despair and desperation. Heeseung has always known you to be somebody who knows exactly what you want, too. Teenage angst never stopped you from pursuing higher education. It seemed like you threw everything you had into academics and everyone rewarding you for it made Heeseung want to crumble. Nobody else thought of you the way he did. 

But this is something he’d rather keep to himself. For as much as he refuses to be your friend, he knows nothing good will ever come out of trying to convince everyone you aren’t someone who they should be friends with. After all, you’ll be working in Okayama and with any luck, you’ll make a permanent residence out of Japan. 

Heeseung is distracted from his thoughts when Riki manages to catch a rather large fish. With your help, he’s able to reel it in and watches the younger boy become awestruck at its sheer size. Heeseung watches you congratulating Riki and celebrates this excitement with him as you put the fish in the bucket for safe keeping. It should warm his heart to see a friend of his so happy, but seeing you smiling next to him makes Heeseung feel all the more irritated. The three of you head back to the dock after another couple of hours and a few more dishes later.

Jungwon catches more fish than you do. All eight of you manage to acquire enough for dinner and breakfast in the morning. Jay and Jake have volunteered to help with cooking while the rest of you prepare side dishes and talk about fishing adventures from your time apart. You smile at the group halfway through the conversation, fondness blooming in your chest when everybody is laughing after having eaten dinner. 

“God, I swear I almost fell into the water trying to wrestle with the trout!” Jake shouts amongst the chaotic laughter. “It felt like I was about to become one with the fish.” 

“I almost pushed his ass into the lake,” Jay snorts. “It was so fucking funny.”

“I’m surprised Sunoo caught the most fish out of all of us.” Jungwon shrugs and bites into his s’more. 

“You’re telling me,” Sunoo replies as he wipes chocolate from his lip. “That’s my quota for this trip, though. Don’t expect me to go fishing again.” 

“I’m not ready for this trip to end,” Riki says with a mixed sigh. “We’ve already been here for a couple of days and it feels like time is going by so fast.” 

“I start that consulting job the Monday we go back and I’m excited for it, but I’m also nervous. It hit me on the way back from the lake.” Jay rubs his face with his hands. “This adult shit is scary, man.”

“Do you guys remember when we were all freshmen and had that awful orientation leader?” Heeseung asks. Those who were in the same year as him nod. “That felt like just yesterday and now we’re about to be real adults.”

“Jay’s going to become a financial consultant, you’re working at a record label, Sunghoon’s going to open up his own cafe someday, and I’m about to start a fellowship at a research lab.” Jake shakes his head like he can’t believe it. “Not to mention Y/N’s moving to Japan for work. If you told me four years ago we would talk about the future like this, I would’ve laughed.” 

“It feels a bit weird knowing we aren’t going back to school.” Sunghoon looks at the younger boys and laughs. “Well, sorry to you guys.” 

Sunoo speaks up with a pout. “It’ll be weird not seeing you guys around campus. I’ll miss running into you on my way to class.” 

“Sometimes I wish we could stay in college forever.” Jay reaches over and picks out another marshmallow to put on his stick. “It sucked ass but it was nice living close to you guys.”

“I’m scared to go out there alone.” You tug at the zipper on your jacket and stare at your hands. “I feel like I’m going to mess everything up and fail. I’ll come home and have nothing to show for myself.” 

“Couldn’t have said it any better.” Sunghoon finishes off his s’more and wipes the crumbs off of his lap. “I wish everything was simple and easy. We really had it good back then, didn’t we?”

“Don’t get too caught up in growing up too fast,” Jake says as he pinches Riki’s cheeks for dramatic effect. The latter tries to dodge his touch but fails. He points to Jungwon and Sunoo. “You guys need to make every minute count.”

Jungwon laughs. “You sound like a Hallmark card.”

“Yeah, but one day you’ll be saying the same thing. You’ll go back to campus and you won’t see us walking around.” Jungwon remains quiet after that. 

“You’ll all be fine.” Sunoo nods once and it feels like he’s smiling at everyone individually through the fire. “Life is scary but there’s a reason why we believe in you.”

Jay nudges Sunoo with his knee. “Since when did you get so wise?”

“You could learn a thing or two from me.”

The tension dissipates. Everyone finishes up their desserts and helps tidy up the campsite. Jake and Sunghoon put out the fire while the rest of you put the chairs away and throw out any leftover trash in the nearby garbage bin. One by one, the eight of you start to grow sleepier as time ticks by. You all let your younger friends wash up first as you stifle yawns and prepare your makeshift bedding while you wait. 

It feels like forever to wait with Heeseung close to you. Everybody else bids you goodnight as you brush your teeth in the wash station and rinse your face of dirt and debris from earlier in the day. Heeseung is standing just a few feet away as he waits for you to finish up but knowing he’s watching you makes your heart rate increase. Your hands tremble as you turn the faucet off and it’s just your luck that you trip over yourself and hold onto Heeseung when you turn around to exit the washroom. 

“Watch where you’re going, Y/N,” Heeseung snaps. He shrugs your hands off of him and pushes you away from his body. 

“What the fuck is your problem with me?” If Heeseung is surprised by your sudden outburst, he doesn’t show it. Your typically calm, non-confrontational demeanor is nowhere to be seen. 

“Why can’t you walk properly?” he mocks. 

“You have been so passive aggressive towards me this entire trip. Hell, you’ve been that way since we were in high school. What the fuck is your deal and why can’t you man up and tell me why you hate me so much?” 

His expression sours. “You have some nerve asking me that.” 

“Why?! You won’t tell me what your deal is and I can’t fix it if you don’t communicate that with me. We have so many mutual friends who want us to get along and it’s fine if we’ll never be friends, but really, Heeseung, you’re acting like a child.” 

Heeseung’s nostrils flare and it feels demeaning the way he has to look you down in order to meet your eyes. The twinge in your heart flares when he makes no effort to talk to you further. The tension in his shoulders rises and falls with every second that passes by and you’re starting to wonder if there’s any way you can leave the trip early. 

He doesn’t say anything, though. Heeseung pulls away from you and enters the washroom, leaving you alone with your thoughts and the sound of water running. Years of pushing aside your feelings for the greater good of preserving the peace feels like they’re suffocating you with every step you take as you talk back to your tent. The cold chill of the night bristles through your hair and your watery eyes make you stumble before unzipping your makeshift bedroom. 

“Y/N?” Jungwon asks, half-asleep. He sees you wipe your eyes as you turn away from him and put away your dirty clothes and toiletries. “What’s wrong?” 

“Nothing.” 

He pushes himself up and hears the clip in your tone. With his eyes softening, Jungwon gently touches your shoulder and realizes that your eyes are red before you shut your flashlight off. “Come here.” 

It’s somewhere between a command and a plea. Jungwon doesn’t force you to speak as he pulls your body into his. He doesn’t care that your tears are falling onto his arm and he doesn’t mind that you’ve settled your weight onto his chest. Your silent hiccups make his heart lurch and the best he can do is let you cling onto him in your time of need. 

You don’t get like this often. The last time he remembers you letting him hold you like this was a few days after your parents’ divorce had been finalized. The tangerine-shaped pillow you had was the only thing keeping Jungwon’s back from aching as you spent what felt like hours sobbing between his arms, dirtying his shirt with your hot tears. His heart broke back then, too. He’s not used to seeing you without a smile on your face and every crack in your demeanor lets him know you’re a dam that’s about to burst. 

It can’t be easy to live knowing your father willingly left and chose to leave you behind. Nearly two decades of saying ‘I love you’ and championing his only daughter to be the best version of herself felt like it was all for naught the night he told you he wouldn’t be living with you anymore. You could barely stand watching him pack his belongings and take everything valuable with him. You were unusually quiet during this period of time, too scared to make a sound and make things worse than they already were. 

Jungwon knows you keep your heart locked away in a cage these days. Your friends know you like the back of their hands but it’s been getting harder and harder to coax you out of your shell. He knows it hasn’t been easy with Heeseung within your main friend group and wishes he could do more to quell your anxieties about spending time with him, even if your other friends are there to shield you from his silent torment. 

Your best friend softens a bit when you cling onto his arm, holding him like he’s your lifeline. He pushes his fingers through your hair the way he’s seen your mom do countless times and rocks your body back and forth until you’ve started to calm down. He hears your shallow breaths and holds onto you for the fear that you’ll think he doesn’t want to comfort you if he lets you go. 

“Sorry.” Your voice is brittle and it makes his heart break. 

“You never have to be sorry, Bug. Are you okay?” You shake your head. “Is it something one of us did?” You nod. “Was it Heeseung?” He hates that you start to tear up again. “I’m sorry, Bug. I’m so sorry.”

“I don’t understand why he doesn’t like me,” you hiccup. “I don’t know what I did. How can I apologize when I don’t know what I’ve done?” 

Jungwon sighs. He’s with you on this one. “You’re right. I don’t know what’s gotten into him recently but I’m fed up with it too.” 

“We don’t need to be friends but I want him to stop pretending like I ruined his life.” Your best friend nods against you and pushes his cheek against the crown of your head. “Sorry that I woke you up. I feel like a mess.”

“You’re not a mess, Bug. You’ve been tied together with a smile for so long. It’s only natural that you break down every once in a while.”

“You’re very smart, Wonnie.” 

He laughs. “I know. Do you want to cry some more or go to sleep?” Jungwon’s tone lacks any humor tonight. He’s concerned about you in a way that makes you feel like a porcelain doll and while you appreciate it when he pokes fun at you to show how comfortable he is with you, this feels just as nice. 

“I’m ready to sleep.” 

You pull away from him and settle in your sleeping bag, welcoming the calmness that washes over you. Jungwon chooses to stay up just a smidge longer until he’s certain that you’re asleep before he closes his eyes, wishing for better days ahead of you.

***

The trees always seemed taller when you were younger. They stretched for miles and touched the sky from your point of view, almost as if they  could reach the heavens above. You always wondered what it must be like to have lived as long as nature around you. The leaves and branches see all walks of life, from humans to animals, and keep many secrets hidden underneath its shaded areas. It almost feels like they whisper stories back to you when the wind shakes the weakest branches. You always try to listen. 

When you find yourself hiking on another path around the lake, it becomes easier for you to clear your mind and think about all that lies before you. The sounds of birds chirping amongst the blue sky make the environment around you seem picturesque. In all of your ears camping here, you don’t think you’ve ever appreciated it the way you are at this very moment. 

Your friends are scattered in front and behind you, each of them wrapped up in their own conversations. You can feel Jungwon look at you periodically but you silently let him know that you’re doing alright. He worries about you a lot and he has every reason to. Sometimes, you wonder if any part of you is holding him back because he spends so much time looking after you. It used to be the other way around with you watching after him at playgrounds and on your walk home from school. But with your father leaving as soon as you started trying to figure out who you were, it was like a switch had flipped. 

Your best friend has had a few girlfriends here and there but none of them ever lasted long. He reminds you that he’s young and isn’t looking for a life partner at this stage in his life, but you know he worries about you ever since the news of your dad leaving and Riki entering your life turned your world upside down. You wonder if you’re causing him too much stress. 

He always reminds you that you’re the reason he has so many people that he loves. You introduced him to the majority of your friends on this camping trip. You were the one who introduced him to his first girlfriend and why he finds so much hope in all of the small things. Jungwon admires your resilience and ability to stand on your feet after you’ve been knocked to the ground by an unseen force. Your tenacity pushes him to be a better person towards others and to himself, and he’ll remind you every chance he gets. Jungwon believes that you’re okay for now. You know he’ll be there to pick up the pieces if you need him to.

It brings you back to your future and how Jungwon won’t be physically present when you move to Japan. You’ve spent so much time with him and it made you happy when he was accepted into his bachelor program at your university. The two of you have always been close, whether it was because neither of you had siblings and found solace in each another or because of forced proximity from being neighbors, you don’t know. It feels like you’ll be saying goodbye to somebody who you’ve always leaned on. It feels like you’re leaving him the way your dad left you. 

Dealing with the overwhelming guilt of moving to Okayama, the city your father moved to when he left you and your mom, digs a hole deep inside of your chest every time you think about it. It’s probably why you push off discussions about moving whenever you can and change the subject when other people bring it up. You try not to get too irritated whenever your mom talks to you about packing and everything else that’s important when settling in a new country, like a work visa or financial burdens. But every conversation with her about your eventual move feels like a million needles are slowly pricking your skin. Every step feels heavier than the next. 

There’s Heeseung, too, who has been plaguing your mind ever since you awoke. It’s not unlike him to be cold towards you. In fact, you’ve dealt with tuning him out and learned to ignore his quiet scoffs, paying attention to anyone who would give you some of their attention. The accumulation of life stress and the inevitable move has made it so your heart rate can’t seem to be still at any time in the day. Heeseung doesn’t make it any better by snapping at you for treading carefully. This feeling reminds you of the time you tiptoed around your father when you found out about his infidelity being the reason why he chose to leave you and your mother for Okayama. It feels like anticipating a bomb going off. It’s never a matter of if, but when. 

You don’t remember when things changed but you remember it was abrupt and unannounced. One day, the two of you were laughing with bologna sandwiches for lunch and the next, Heeseung was ignoring you like the two of you had never been friends. His stare was just as cold as his tone when speaking. You could never catch his eye when you were with your group of friends and he refused to be alone with you. The hurt that came with his actions felt like a punch in the gut with all you were dealing with back home. 

The reason why it was easy to tune out his friendship was purely because of prioritization. Dealing with empty rooms and the house feeling like a ghost was haunting the walls was by far a greater sadness than losing a friend. But even so, seeing Heeseung laugh with your friends and watching him excel in everything you used to support him in made you feel like you were being left behind. It hurt to attend his basketball games because he no longer looked for your eyes in the stands. He didn’t acknowledge you when your group of friends would head to the nearby diner for a celebratory meal, and he didn’t call you to say goodnight and to thank you for coming to his games and open practices anymore. 

The ghost of your friendship lingered over you like an unwanted guest. It followed you into university after you committed to the same one and it seemed like neither of you could escape one another. Seeing him live a life that you weren’t a part of made your reality sink in–the few years he spent distancing himself from you wasn’t merely a fluke or teenage angst. Heeseung wanted nothing to do with you. You had to learn how to be okay with that. 

Still, you wish you were as tall as the trees around you. Maybe then Heeseung would tell you why he didn’t like you anymore. 

“Y/N, watch out!” 

The warning nearly comes too late. You don’t register a hissing sound until you see a reflection of scales and stumble backwards into somebody who seems to be caught off guard as much as you are. Jake’s warning saved you from a nasty bite from a snake that has slithered away back between the trees but your heart stammers in your chest as you curl yourself further deeper into the person behind you. 

You hate snakes. You’re petrified of them 

Heeseung, to his misfortune, is the person you’ve bumped into. He saw the snake just before Jake said his warning and felt his body freeze in the way yours didn’t. He didn’t have time to move aside and let Sunoo, who he was talking to, move to grab your body and pull you out of harm’s way. He feels your beating chest against his and looks down at you. Heeseung doesn’t think he’s ever seen you like this before. It makes his stomach fall. 

“Y/N is really scared of snakes,” Jungwon says as he walks up to the two of you, offering a quick explanation before Heeseung could say anything about you clinging onto him. “She got bit by one as a kid and it scared her pretty bad.” Heeseung doesn’t push you away. Instead, he lets Jungwon pry you off of his body until you’re able to blink and come to your senses. 

“Sorry.” You throw an apology his way when Jungwon rubs your back. The rest of your friends, who seem to know about your fear, try to give you some space instead of crowding around you. A part of him wants to scoff. The other part of him feels bad for you. It almost makes him feel guilty for being so short with you last night.

“We’re almost at the end of the trail anyway,” Jungwon says. “Let’s finish it and get some lunch.” 

When you all arrive back at the campsite, Jake pulls your water bottle out of your backpack and stands with you while Jungwon lets you stand right beside him in an attempt to calm yourself down. Jay and Sunghoon, not wanting to impede and make things uncomfortable, decide to go on another short hike and let you rest. The sight is a bit unnerving for Heeseung, who has generally only ever thought of you as this self righteous, confident person, to see you in such a state of shock that you could barely look him in the eye like you did the night before. He’s used to you avoiding and ignoring him but he isn’t accustomed to you scurrying away from anything or anyone. 

He’s a bit confused as to why he feels a little guilty for how he spoke to you last night. You were his friend before he decided you weren’t and that feeling of concern is starting to creep back in. Heeseung watches the way you flinch when Jake tries to rub your shoulder and how Jungwon is the only person who seems to know how to get you to relax after the snake incident. 

“Is she really that scared of snakes?” Heeseung asks Sunoo, who stands away from you to give you space. He pretends to be busy picking at his nails to let you have peace and not make you feel overcrowded with two of your friends already by your side. 

“If I tell you, are you going to use that against her?” Sunoo doesn’t typically question Heeseung like this. It startles him but he shakes his head anyway. 

“No,” says Heeseung. “I’m not. I’ve never seen her act like that.”

Sunoo must think the elder is telling the truth. “When Y/N was very young, a snake bit her ankle when her parents weren’t looking. She got scared and tripped over a rock or something, and her entire leg started to bleed and got a pretty bad gash from it. They rushed her to the emergency room and panicked because her leg was covered in blood.”

“That’s it?”

Sunoo glares at Heeseung. “It might not seem like a big deal to you, but that kind of stuff leaves an impression on you when you’re a kid, Heeseung. She’s been pretty terrified of snakes and blood ever since.” 

“Huh. I never knew that.”

“Don’t go barking up that tree. It’s bad enough that you hate her for no good reason.” 

Heeseung looks at Sunoo quizzically when he hears his friend’s harsh tone. “What’s the matter with you?” 

Sunoo scoffs. “Me? What’s the matter with you? I heard you and Y/N last night. You were an ass to her. She’s right, too. How can she apologize for hurting you if you never talk about what she did? 

“Sunoo–”

“Save it, Heeseung.” He straightens his posture. “You’re my friend and I love you, but you’ve been really harsh on Y/N for the past few years. I thought the two of you drifted apart but you clearly have a vendetta against her.”

“I do not have a vendetta against Y/N.”  

“Sure. Whatever you say. Just remember that Y/N’s the reason why you’re on this trip. One veto from her and Jungwon would’ve kicked your ass to the curb. You’re lucky she doesn’t say this shit to anyone.” 

Heeseung looks at his shoes, feeling the heat in his body creep up his neck. He knows Sunoo’s somewhat right. You’re half the reason why this trip exists at all. Even if Jungwon brought the friend group along, it’s you who this campaign tradition belongs to as well. Heeseung bites his tongue and tries his best not to argue with Sunoo. Deep down, the elder knows that he’s been a bit harsh to you and sometimes finds himself regretting the venom he aims directly at you. But then he remembers that incident from all those years ago and feels his anger bubble up inside of him. He pulls his friend away so that none of you hear him. 

“I have a reason not to like her okay?” Heeseung whispers through his teeth. 

“What reason could you possibly have that justifies how shitty you’ve been?”

Heeseung looks around like he’s afraid someone’s listening in. “Second semester, sophomore year of high school. You and Jake were with me doing homework right outside the front gate. We were waiting for my brother to pick us up from school when Y/N told Kim Chaewon that I would never amount to anything because I didn’t have any talent and had to flirt with girls to get them to listen to my music.”

Sunoo looks at Heeseung like he’s sprouted a second head, who looks at the younger boy like he’s waiting for confirmation or validation of sorts with his eyebrows raised as if expecting a certain outcome. Instead, Sunoo slaps him on the back of his head with his palm and scowls. 

“You are so stupid, Heeseung.”

“What the fuck did I do?!” Heeseung soothes the spot where Sunoo hit him. “It was messed up for her to say that. Why are you calling me stupid?”

“Y/N didn’t say that about you. Chaewon did.” 

Heeseung’s eyes grow comically wide. “I know what I heard.” 

“No, you don’t. I remember the moment you’re talking about. You left so fast and didn’t stop when Jake and I called out for you. Chaewon couldn't get another word out because Y/N tore her a new one. Why do you think they aren’t friends anymore?” 

“Well…Because Y/N said that about me. Chaewon was my friend, too.” 

Sunoo shakes his head. “Chaewon said that about you. Not Y/N.”

“That’s not possible…”

“How would you know? You weren’t there. You left before you could hear the full argument.” 

“Sunoo,” Heeseung says, voice quivering from a mixture of guilt and embarrassment. “Please tell me that’s not true.” 

“Do you know how stupid you look knowing you blew off Y/N, the person who defended you, and still talked to Chaewon?” Sunoo shakes his head at Heeseung. “You ended your longest friendship over a misunderstanding and then got closer with the person who actually said those things about you. Imagine how Y/N must’ve felt.” 

Heeseung’s mind starts to recount the days after your argument with Chaewon and how he’d gone out of his way to ignore you in the aftermath. He never gave you an explanation about his absence and why he pulled away, citing that incident as the reason why you didn’t deserve to know in the first place. He thinks about Chaewon and how he didn’t think twice about it because his mind had already been made up. He was still friends with Chaewon, taking pictures with her at parties and talking to her whenever their friend groups hung out together. Not once did he spare a glance to you. 

As his mind starts to wander into nostalgic territory, Heeseung feels his stomach plummet. The sudden urge to rectify his actions overwhelms him and he’s fighting tooth and nail not to cry on the spot. 

When he looks at you now, quiet and hidden within your shared friends, Heeseung can’t help but feel a bit guilty. He suddenly remembers the few moments where you showed a vulnerable side of yourself and allowed him to see you cry after a bad grade or when your middle school friends were being mean towards you. Heeseung recalls all the times he’s ever thought of you as somebody who puts on a brave face and stands back up after feeling the weight of the world crush you to the ground. He thinks about all of the times he’s ever made you feel insignificant to him and feels pins and needles in his footsteps. Heeseung finds himself walking towards you as he’s contemplating his feelings and Jungwon guards you, pushing you behind him. 

“Hey,” Heeseung says awkwardly. He tries to peek at you but doesn’t like seeing you look so helpless. Pathetically, he offers a meek apology. “Sorry about the snake.” 

“It’s fine. Sorry I grabbed you.” For the first time in a long time, Heeseung doesn’t feel annoyed by the thought of you latching onto him. 

“It’s okay. I, uh…wanted to know if you were fine.” Heeseung clears his throat. “Is there anything I can do?” His unfamiliar kindness confuses you and it confuses Jungwon too.

“You know, maybe it would be a good idea if you left the campsite for a while,” Jake suggests from beside Heeseung. “You’re a bit shaken up and you could probably use a change of scenery.” 

“That’s not a bad idea, actually,” Jungwon agrees. “You could leave for a few hours and come back once you’ve calmed down, Bug.” 

You pick at your fingernails. “I feel so stupid for being so scared.”

“It’s not stupid, Y/N.” Jake tilts his head and looks at you with a pout. “It’s something you’re scared of and with good reason. I would’ve been scared shitless if it was closer to me.”

“You could go into town and get some ice cream,” says Jungwon. “You should go to the beach by the highway for a little bit and get your mind off of it.” 

“I-I don’t really want to go alone.”

Heeseung speaks before he can even think about what he’s saying.

“I’ll go with you.” Jungwon and Jake whip their head to their friend. 

“Heeseung–”

“I can drive us,” he says, mouth moving faster than his brain. “I won’t say anything, I swear. I’ll take her to the beach and ice cream if she wants to.” 

Jungwon hesitantly looks at Heeseung. “Are…Are you sure?” 

“Yeah.” He lies straight through his teeth. He doesn’t know if he can sit with you when his whole life has been turned upside down. But it’s too late to backtrack. “I’ve been feeling a little restless here anyway.” 

“I don’t know…”

“Jay isn’t here and he has his keys.” Jake looks at you and nudges your shoulder. “What do you want to do, Y/N?” 

You look up at Heeseung for the first time and he sucks in a breath. It’s like you’re devoid of yourself, fear and anxiety clouding your eyes like you’re petrified to even speak. He watches you lick your lips slowly as if contemplating carefully. “I want to go.”

“Bug, you don’t have to.”

“I know, Wonnie.” You touch his arm and he relents. “I think I need to leave for a little bit and calm down. I should walk on the beach, or something.”

“I can come with you guys.” Riki, who has been silent during this ordeal, speaks up and appears to the other side of Heeseung. “I saw the beach just before we got here. It looks pretty.” 

“That’s a good idea,” Jake nods, looking at you. He softens his tone. “Would that be alright with you?” 

You hum .”Mhm. Yeah, that’s fine. Let me get my wallet.” 

When you leave for your tent, Jungwon looks at Heeseung and stares at him with an expression he can’t read. The silence is deafening and he awkwardly coughs, looking away from his younger friend. 

“Don’t fuck this up,” says Jungwon with a clipped tone. “You’ve been a dipshit and she’s been putting up with it for the sake of everybody else. The last thing she needs is for you to make fun of her and make her feel even worse than she already does.” 

“I won’t, Jungwon. I swear.” 

“I’m choosing to trust you because you’re my friend too, despite everything you feel towards Y/N.” He nods at Riki. “You, keep an eye out for them.”

“I won’t do or say anything,” Heeseung promises for a second time. You come back a moment later, oblivious to the tension. 

“Be safe, yeah?” Heeseung hears the change in Jungwon’s tone when talking to you. “Call me if you need anything. Your phone’s charged from the portable, right?”

“Yeah.” You hold up your phone to show him. “I’ll let you know when we’re coming back.” 

The beach itself is nestled towards the end of the highway where the sand meets the trees. The small shops around it bring a sense of nostalgia, especially when Heeseung parks in front of a large, tattered orange sign that says “ICE CREAM SOLD HERE.” The three of you walk inside and Heeseung watches you look over the flavors. 

“They change the flavors all the time based on the season,” you say absentmindedly. The three of you are the only customers and he figures the employee must be in the back. 

It’s a bit strange to be spending time with you apart from everybody else. Even though Riki’s accompanying the two of you, he hasn't been alone with you like this in years. You seem to be doing a little better with distance put between you and the campsite. Heeseung hopes the drive wasn’t too terrible. His knuckles turned white with the grip he had on the steering wheel, too afraid to look into the rearview mirror for the fear of catching your eye. He wonders if you’d be able to read his mind in the way you once did. 

You make small talk with the owner of the shop who recognizes you before ordering. Riki and Heeseung follow too, the youngest trying a few flavors before settling on one. You go to pay for your own until Riki pulls out his wallet and pays for the both of you. Heeseung watches the two of you argue before the owner accepts Riki’s card. He’s pulled out of his thoughts before paying for his own cup. 

The beach is right next door and the three of you leave your shoes inside Heeseung’s trunk before stepping onto the warm sand. The sun’s high in the sky and Heeseung’s grateful that he chose to put on extra sunblock before leaving his tent. Riki follows you towards the water. He chooses to stay behind and give you both space even though his heart is telling him not to. 

Heeseung has always believed in telling the truth because it’ll always see the light at the end of the day. He’s a fan of honesty and it’s something he values in all of his friends. He thought he’d found that in you ever since the day the two of you started becoming friends and felt his world shatter around him when he thought you were making fun of his aspirations to become a music producer. You’d spent countless hours in his bedroom with him as he learned how to use proper equipment and went so far as to buy him a few things here and there disguised as birthday and Christmas gifts. You spent so much time listening to him grow as a musician in the comfort of his bedroom. The thought that you were pretending to care about him made Heeseung feel sick to his stomach. It wasn't hard for him to cut you off when he thought you betrayed him.

But now, life feels like it’s at a stand still. You stand before him and Heeseung’s throat closes up like he’s lost the ability to breathe. You might not even know that you’re the reason for his inner turmoil. You probably don’t care. Why would you when he’s pushed you so far from arm’s length? Heeseung sighs to himself and replays every single interaction he’s ever had with you after deciding to cut you out of his life. The guilt piles up on him before he can stop it from stacking until it eventually makes his skin feel like it’s been set on fire. He’ll have to sit with the fact that he’s made you out to be a cruel, terrible friend instead of the person who would defend him to hell and back.

What must you think of him now? For a long time, it took Heeseung great strength to push you into the far corners of his mind and stop seeking you out whenever you were near him. He trained himself to look away from you, the weight of your alleged words playing in the back of his mind whenever he felt the urge to talk to you like old times. Heeseung stopped communicating with you altogether, unfollowing you on all of your social media and physically removing you out of his life so he wouldn’t have to see your face when he least expected it. 

But now it feels like the last six years of his life have been a lie. He’s been living in his own world, wrapped up in a delusion that only he was able to clearly see. The memory was too painful to say out loud let alone tell a soul. Heeseung kept his heart guarded and offered a brief explanation whenever your mutual friends asked why the two of you weren’t close anymore and he’d shut you down if you tried to talk to him until your efforts ceased. 

When he looks at you now, all he feels is regret. 

Riki walks back towards Heeseung, who’s perched on a bench right on the sand. His ice cream is discarded in the nearby trash can and Riki eats whatever’s left in his cup before tossing it away. The two of them sit in silence. Riki basks in the salt air and relishes in the sound of birds chirping and waves crashing onto the shore. Heeseung can only hear his heart beating in his ears. 

“She’s doing okay,” Riki says, breaking the silence. “I think her shock and adrenaline are wearing off.” 

“Good,” Heeseung nods. “That’s really good.” 

“I could tell she wanted to be left alone after a little while. I hope she’ll be fine when we go back.” 

“I’m sure she will be.” 

Riki nods and looks back at you. “Have you ever seen her get like that?” 

“Maybe once or twice. We stopped being close in high school.” 

“Oh, yeah. Right.” 

“But she always bounced back,” Heeseung adds quickly. “Like you said, she’ll be fine.”

“I didn’t even know she was scared of snakes.” 

Heeseung laughs. “Me either.” The silence permeates until Heeseung speaks again. “Can I ask you a question?” 

“Since when have you ever asked me if you could ask me something?” 

“Fair point.” Heeseung rubs his palms against his thighs. “I don’t really know where to start.”

“The beginning is usually the best place.” 

“You know how I feel about Y/N. How I felt about her. I told you so many times to stop expecting people to treat you the way you want to be treated if they didn’t put in the effort to make you feel welcomed.” Heeseung looks at the younger boy. “Why did you keep defending?” 

“Are you asking me because you’re worried about Y/N or because you have some weird thing with her?” 

“I’m asking because I’m starting to think I was wrong about her.” Riki must think Heeseung is telling the truth because he nods after a moment. 

“How much do you know about Y/N’s family life?”

“I know she has a mom and that Jungwon’s parents are like her own. I also know her parents got divorced and that her dad left just before she graduated high school.” 

“Right.” Riki coughs nervously. “How much do you know about our relationship?” 

“You two are half-siblings.” 

“That’s all?” 

Heeseung shrugs. “I never questioned it.” 

“Okay, yeah. That makes sense.” Riki looks down at his lap like he’s trying to figure out what to say. “I don’t really know if this is my place to say it but I want you to know so you can stop thinking Y/N’s the Devil.” 

“I don’t think she’s the Devil.” 

Riki chuckles. “Sure. To put it simply, she's my half-sister because her dad cheated on her mom with mine. He’d go on business trips to Japan a few times a year and they hit it off after they met. One thing led to another and they started meeting up whenever he was back in town. 

“They had me a year after they first started their affair and I guess he was able to keep his life in Japan a secret until Y/N found pictures on her dad’s laptop. She saw pictures of us on vacations when her dad was supposed to be on work trips. I think she told her mom about it and that’s around the time I found out he had another family too.” 

“What was going through your head back then?” 

“Well, my mom told me my dad had to live in Korea for work. I believed it until I was seven, maybe? I’d always ask her questions as I got older but she either brushed me off or told me things that didn’t add up. He’d come more frequently the older I got. We didn’t talk on the phone much when he was over in Korea, though, so seeing him in person used to be extra special. 

“Then I found out that he had an affair because he came to live with us full time when I was twelve. My mom told me everything when he moved in and I felt like my entire life was a lie. I couldn’t look at either of them the same.” 

“Wow…I can’t imagine going through that.” Heeseung’s words hang in the air. 

“Yeah. It was hard. I hated Y/N for a while. I hated that she got to see my dad more than I did when I found out. My friends used to make fun of me because he wasn’t around for my dance competitions and showcases. I always defended him and said he was working in Korea to make a better life for us. It’s what I believed at the time.” 

“And your mom let you believe all of that?”

Riki shrugs. “I guess so. She hated Y/N and her mom. She always talked down on them when my dad moved in and I felt that my anger was justified too. My mom hated the fact that my dad still wanted to keep Y/N in his life and wouldn’t fully abandon her the way he did hid with his ex-wife. Some of his paycheck would go towards Y/N’s college fund and my mom tried everything in her power to stop him from giving her money but he gave her an ultimatum, so she stopped complaining. 

“He took me to Korea once. I was fourteen, I think. I met my dad’s parents and we stayed with them for a while. I don’t know why he took me there since I could barely speak the language but he said he wanted me to get to know where he grew up and integrate myself in the culture since he was trying to be a present father. That was the first time I met Y/N. I had my mind made up and decided I hated her the first time I saw her. She couldn’t have been older than seventeen. I hated that she looked just like me. 

“When we met for the first time, we didn’t really get along. Both of us didn’t talk and our dad tried so hard to form a bond between us but it didn’t work. I didn’t want anything to do with her because all I could think about was how she got to spend so much time with him while I only got to see him for a week or so a few times a year.” 

“What made you change your mind?” Heeseung asks. 

“When we got back to Japan, my mom kept saying all of these mean things about Y/N and her family,” Riki continues. “I wasn’t her biggest fan but the stuff she was saying was cruel and untrue. I knew it was pure jealousy and realized that my mom helped break up a perfectly good family. I mean, I knew it was my dad’s fault for cheating on his wife and leaving Y/N also, but coming to that realization made me think about how Y/N must’ve felt when she found out.”

“Wow…I didn’t know any of this.”

“As far as I can tell, Jungwon’s the only person she’s told.” Riki sighs and pushes his fingers through his hair. “Anyway, at that point, neither one of us cared to keep the relationship going. I didn’t call her and she didn’t call me. But the more my parents started living their lives like they hadn’t made two people fall apart, the more I started to feel sorry for Y/N. I can’t imagine finding out your dad cheated on your mom and then willingly left you for another family. Our dad brought me back to Korea a few times after that for winter and summer breaks to stay with his parents. He said he wanted me to experience life abroad. He’d bring me to family events and I always felt so out of place.”

“Wait, seriously?” Heeseung asks in disbelief. 

“Yeah, if you can believe it. I felt so guilty coming to these things. It was actually Y/N’s mom who told her to start being more open to me. I can’t explain how awful I felt when I realized she was making an effort to include me even though I was someone from her ex-husband’s affair. When my dad was trying to get back in everyone’s good graces, Y/N’s mom was making sure I had enough food and water.

“I slowly started to realize that Y/N was hurting too. She had everything I wanted but it felt like I was the one who took that away from her. I thought, maybe if my mom wasn’t pregnant with me, her dad would’ve never continued the affair and she would’ve never found out he cheated.”

“That’s why you defend her, isn’t it? Even when I thought she was being unfair?” 

Riki laughs. “Yeah, man. I’ve known about her longer than she’s known me and I’ve known about the affair longer than she has. I’ve had more time to get used to it. I don’t blame her for pushing me away. If I found out I had a half-sibling because my dad cheated on my mom, I think I’d react the same way.” Heeseung’s heart feels much heavier than it did prior to this conversation. “We’ve been getting better. She texts me first every now and then and she keeps up with my dancing stuff. It’s not like we’re total strangers anymore. I mean, she likes me enough to let me be friends with you guys. It’ll just take some time.”

“Do you want her to be in your life? And do you want to be in hers?” 

Heeseung watches Riki nod without a second doubt. “Absolutely. I love Y/N now. She’s my sister even if she only thinks of me as her half-brother. I know we’ve had it rough in the past but she looks out for me. Y/N’s smart and confident in all the ways I wish I could be. I love listening to her talk and I love learning new things about her. I always wished for a sibling and even though this isn’t how I imagined it going, I’m happy.” 

The two of them sit in another round of silence. Heeseung does his best to process everything Riki has just told him but it feels like there’s too much information for him to digest all at once. He never knew any of this about you, too caught up in his own feelings about the misunderstanding. While he was giving you the cold shoulder, you were crumbling apart because your dad left for another family. If he knew any of this back then, Heeseung thinks he would be sympathetic. But he can’t turn back the clock. He watches you stand by the water with your empty ice cream up in your hands and wonders what you’re thinking about. 

“Wait,” Heeseung says, cutting the silence for the umpteenth time. “You’re from Okayama.” Riki nods. “You’ve lived in Okayama until you moved here.” 

“Yeah, that’s right.” 

“And Y/N’s moving to Okayama for work.” Riki nods solemnly. “You’re telling me Y/N’s moving to the city your dad moved to when he left her?” The younger boy nods again. “Shit.”

“With everything going on in her life, I don’t expect her to have it all figured out. Sure, it hurt when she didn’t want to spend time with me but I don’t think I can really be mad at her when this is how her life is. Okayama is a big city but the world is pretty small.”

“That’s fucked up. That’s really, really fucked up.” 

“I’m pretty sure she’s scared about running into our dad. Lord knows I came to study in Korea because I didn’t want to be around him anymore,” Riki scoffs. “I know that I have my own shit to deal with and that I’ll probably need to find a therapist when I start school but for now, I’ll focus on Y/N. I’m happy she let me come on this trip because I know how much camping with Jungwon means to her. I can somewhat empathize with her about moving to a place that didn’t feel like home because of your dad.” 

Heeseung looks at Riki and doesn’t expect him to look as tranquil as he does, but he looks at you like you’re the person giving him this grace and maturity. “Fuck, Riki. I’m really sorry that you had to deal with this. Do the other guys besides Jungwon know?”

“Not as much as you do, they just know something happened with my parents and that’s why I don’t want to go back to Okayama. I don’t think Y/N’s told anybody else, so please don’t tell her you know.”

“I won’t,” Heeseung promises. “I swear on it.” 

“Good. I trust you and you’ve been a good friend to me.” 

“Sorry for giving you a hard time about her too.” 

“It’s fine now. Just…promise me you won’t be so harsh on her. She’s been through a lot and I can tell she’s really not happy about the move even though the job opportunity is really good for her career.” 

“Of course.” 

You walk back towards them and the two boys stand up and pretend as if they weren’t speaking in depth about you. Heeseung, for the first time, smiles at you without restraint and it makes you feel confused as you shake off the sand and head back into his car. 

On the entire drive back to the campsite, Heeseung lets Riki control the music and thinks about their previous conversation. He had no idea this is what you were dealing with and always thought you stopped talking to him because you didn’t think it was worth being friends either. He doesn’t remember much about the last few years of high school, apart from avoiding you when you were around, but now he wishes he would’ve paid more attention. Even though what’s past is past, Heeseung wishes he could turn back time and stop himself from making a false assumption. 

He parks the car sooner than he realizes and Riki hands Heeseung back his phone. You step out of the car and look far better than you did before the impromptu trip. Heeseung can’t help but jog after you. 

“Hey,” he calls out. You’re pulled out of your thoughts when you hear his voice and look at him, perplexed. “Are you feeling better now?” 

“Um, yeah.” You look at Heeseung like you don’t know what he wants from you and he’s starting to hate that he’s made you feel this way for so long. 

“Good. That’s good.” Heeseung clears his throat. “I, uh, wanted to apologize for what I said to you last night. That was out of line. I’m really sorry.” The gears turn in your head and he can see you processing his apology slowly. 

“Yeah, well, if you have a problem with me then you should either tell me why or leave me alone.” Your words lack any venom like they did last night but they’re replaced with something more raw and callous. He almost wishes you would yell at him. 

“I know.” He really does. “But I really am sorry. For everything.” Heeseung can’t find the words to elaborate how he feels, not when he sees your shared friends in front of him. 

You look at him and he feels like you might as well be looking into his soul. Without another word, you leave him with his thoughts and rejoin the rest of the group. 

***

It’s nearing the end of the trip and Heeseung feels like he needs to get you alone to apologize for a million things. Guilt courses through his body when he’s awake and it only ceases when he’s asleep. He does his best to keep a straight face when he’s around everybody else and he’s sure they’re all picking up on the fact that he hasn’t been avoiding you like he did when you all first arrived. 

But it’s hard to get you alone. He knows you likely wouldn’t hear him out if he asked you to talk. Even so, he doesn’t know if he knows everything he wants to say. Heeseung is sure everyone else will want to know why he asked to talk to you and make a big deal out of it too, but he can’t say he blames them when he’s the one who has put so much tension between the two of you. Being nicer towards you with intention is not normal for Heeseung. He wishes that weren’t the case. 

It’s a warm day outside and everybody’s agreed to go kayaking in the lake. The water is calm and there are a few families and groups who’ve decided to do the same thing. Everybody fastens life vests and hops into their own kayak before setting out on the water. 

Heeseung wants to enjoy being out on the water but his mind keeps coming back to you. He wonders deeply about the past he shares with you and what would’ve been if he hadn’t made those assumptions all those years ago. He knows he’s always been a bit too prideful for his own good, putting himself above the opinions of others without thinking twice. He’s got tough skin and likes that he’s developed a sense of confidence and identity, especially because he wants to pursue a career in music, but now he wonders if he’s too confident. 

The reason why your words hurt more than he’d care to admit is because he harbored a pathetic crush on you ever since you wrote him a letter for his thirteenth birthday. He’d just gotten the hang of making music on GarageBand and by the time his birthday rolled around, Heeseung wanted to show some of his friends what he’d been learning after school. October came quickly and he invited his closest friends to his house for some cake and to jump in the large bouncy house his parents rented for him. The warm afternoon is forever etched into his memory because everyone Heeseung cared about in his first year being a teenager was there to support the beginning of his music interest. 

Heeseung remembers the gift he unwrapped from you and your parents. It was a CD of his favorite album and one of those plastic statues with an award title etched into the base. It read “BEST MUSIC PRODUCER” on it and Heeseung thought it was the best gift he received that year. What made that warm afternoon even more special was when you pulled him aside to give him a handwritten note. He remembers your shy voice telling him not to open it until everybody was gone and said you wanted to give the letter to him in private when nobody else was looking because your parents didn’t know you’d done this. He kept that card on his desk until everybody left, promising to read it as soon as he was alone. 

You wrote to his yearning heart, the side of him that wanted to make music so badly that he’d sit in his room until the late hour with a lamp shining over his desk to write songs until his hand hurt from holding his pen. Heeseung would hunch over his desk during school and scribble down lyrics in the margins of his assignments. It always felt like he was the only person who felt this way most times and felt like his peers couldn’t understand why he loved making music so much. Reading your letter made Heeseung feel less alone, as if you were always watching over him and seeing his passion when he thought nobody else could. 

That note alone solidified his blooming crush and suddenly, every love song he wrote was dedicated to you. Details about you were weaved into his songs–the sound you made when you laughed, the stickers you used to collect, and the number on your childhood home–it all became important to him. It was almost like Heeseung could talk to you through his music without saying a single word. He could let his songs do the talking for him. 

Of course, thinking you were the one who said he didn’t have any real talent made his hopes and dreams shatter into a million pieces. He always felt like your champion and that pursuing his passion wasn’t so scary if he had you by his side. The world felt like it was crashing all around him to the point where he considered giving up on making music altogether. For that, he would never forgive you. But it’s different now. Heeseung knows you’re not to blame. The culpability doesn’t lie on your shoulders, even if that’s what Heeseung thought for all these years. 

Heeseung roams around the lake in silence, letting the birds chirp uninterrupted. The sound of his boat sailing against the water beneath him does something to soothe his aching heart for the time being. He sees you not too far ahead with Sunghoon a bit behind you when he sees you reach for the paddle that fell from your grip. His heart stops when your kayak tips over when you've reached too far. 

He wastes no time and rows his boat with all his might after hearing your yelp. His arms burn as he pushes through the water but before he can get any closer to you, Sunghoon has jumped out of his kayak to help you back to the surface. He’s able to drag you to the shore nearby and takes off your life jacket when the two of you are sitting on the edge of dry land. Heeseung manages to haul your kayak and paddle while Jay, who also saw the incident, grabs Sunghoon’s. The two of them wordlessly make their way to you and Sunghoon.

Heeseung sees and hears you coughing but he’s also aware of the fact that you’re situated between Sunghoon’s arms. He’s got you securely wrapped between him as you regain your breath. It’s selfish to even consider the idea that he might be jealous but he can’t help it, especially since you’re gripping onto his arms like he’s your lifeline. 

“Shit, Y/N,” Jay says as he takes his life jacket off. Heeseung does the same and parks his boat to get out of the water. “Are you okay?”

“Mhm,” you mutter, catching your breath from the water that’s still lodged in your throat. “Jesus, I didn’t think that would happen.”

“You gave me a heart attack.” Sunhoon laughs from behind you but doesn’t push you away just yet. Heeseung watches you.

“I got your boat and paddle,” he says pathetically, feeling awkward when the three of you look at him. “I’m glad you’re okay.” 

“Thanks.” You cough when you speak and Sunghoon rubs your back gently. “Why does this shit keep happening to me?” 

“Maybe Heeseung’s bad luck,” Sunghoon snickers. There’s no real animosity in his tone but Heeseung feels upset nonetheless. 

“Sorry,” he finds himself apologizing. 

“It wasn’t your fault,” you tell him, leaning back against Sunghoon as you catch your breath. “I think that’s enough kayaking for today, though.”

Jay laughs. “Yeah, you can say that again. I’m getting hungry anyway. Sunoo and Riki are probably complaining about that too.” 

At dinner, the eight of you sit around the fire as Jay, with the help of Riki and Sunoo, prepare and serve the food. The warm food satisfies everyone and everybody takes turns swapping stories about kayaking, and everybody laughs when Sunghoon recounts the story of you tipping over your boat. Riki keeps your plate full and tries to give you more meat but you shake your head. He pouts and you eventually relent, and that makes Heeseung smile.

He can feel Jungwon looking at him. The younger boy sits next to Heeseung and looks at him every so often, especially when you start talking or when the topic of discussion falls onto you. He ignores it to the best of his ability because he’s sure his friend has picked up on the fact that he’s not acting like he’s not interested anymore. When Jungwon pulls him aside when everybody leaves to get ready for bed, he isn’t surprised. 

“What’s up with you?” Jungwon asks quizzically. “Don’t act like you don’t know what I mean either, Heeseung. You were acting weird at dinner.” 

“To make a long story short, the reason why I didn’t like Y/N all this time was because I thought she was the one who said I would never make it in music. Sunoo told me it was Chaewon, not Y/N.” 

Jungwon’s eyes open comically. “That’s the reason you didn’t like Y/N?!” Heeseung smacks his shoulder and shushes him. “You know if you just, like, told any of us why you were so mad at her, we could’ve solved this and you wouldn’t have lost a friend.” Ouch. 

“Yeah,” Heeseung replies, looking at the ground below him, “I know. I feel like an idiot and I feel guilty. I want to make it right with her but I’ve acted like such an ass. I told myself it was for the better.”

“You really were an ass,” Jungwon agrees. “Did you know she almost pulled out of this trip when she found out you were going?”

Heeseung’s shoulders slump. “I fucked up, Won. You’re her best friend and I put you in an uncomfortable position too. I’m sorry. I want to make things right but we haven’t had a real conversation in years.” 

“You’re going to have to do a lot more than apologize.” Jungwon sighs and beckons Heeseung to sit down on a log next to him. “She doesn’t hate you, Heeseung. Y/N’s sensitive, you know? She’s sensitive in the way that she feels things pretty deeply and doesn’t push things aside anymore. Back in high school, she went through something pretty life changing that forced her to shut down and all she wanted was to reach out to you but you iced her out.” 

“I feel awful. She has every right to hate me.”

“That’s the thing, Heeseung. Y/N doesn’t hate you. She doesn’t understand what she did that made you pull away and she’s hurt that you won’t talk to her about it. She’s done all she can trying to get through to you but she’s given up because that didn’t seem like it was going anywhere.”

“Can I ask you something?” Jungwon nods. “If…If I talked to her, apologized and tried to tell her what was going on at the time, do you think she’d forgive me?” 

Heeseung waits for his friend to answer. “I think she would appreciate that you put in the effort to be there for her. She still cares about you even if she says she doesn’t.”

“I don’t know about that.” 

“I do. I’m her best friend, Heeseung.” The elder nods. “What I’m saying is this: All Y/N has ever wanted was for you to make an effort for her. When you stopped being her friend, she wondered for months if she was a bad person because you didn’t talk to her about why you pulled away so suddenly. Apologizing doesn’t mean the two of you will go back to the way you used to, but she’ll appreciate that over distancing yourself because you feel guilty.” 

That last part hurts to hear but he understands. “Do you think Y/N and I could ever be friends?” 

Jungown nods. “Yeah, actually. I can tell that you’re being upfront with me right now. You know how she is. She values honesty and loyalty. Of everyone in our friend group, Y/N is the one who’s really good at communicating and giving advice about that kind of stuff. She doesn’t need you to go above and beyond for her. It might take time but I know she’d appreciate it if you at least made an effort to talk to her and clear up some stuff.” 

Heeseung is lost in thought and barely hears Jungwon tell him he’ll try his best to let the two of you talk tomorrow night after dinner. He doesn’t know how to thank him other than to pull him into a tight embrace and cling onto the younger boy like he’s got something to lose. Jungwon seems to understand where Heeseung is coming from–he, too, has had his fair share of arguments with you–so he hugs him back as if to say everything will be alright. 

When you wake up the next morning, a weird feeling settles in your chest. Jungwon is fast asleep when you leave the tent to get ready for the day after failing to fall asleep. The sun is already up and you don’t know what time it is, but the morning is cold and the sweater you have on protects you from the chill nicely. 

You see Heeseung at the wash station and grip your toiletry bag when he spots you. Awkwardly, you step into the bath house and turn the faucet on as he brushes his teeth, motioning yourself to do the same thing. He watches you from the mirror as you keep your eyeline straight in front of you. He wants to say something to you, perhaps “good morning” or “how did you sleep?” but nothing seems good enough. You, on the other hand, feel like Heeseung may as well put you under a microscope. 

“Can I help you?” 

He looks at you as if he’s been caught with his hand down the cookie jar. “N-No. Sorry.” You sigh and resume brushing your teeth when he spits and rinses his mouth of the toothpaste. “I mean what I said I was sorry. I really am.”

“For which part? Cussing me out or avoiding me since high school?” You sound tired. 

“All of it,” he says quietly. You keep your head straight while he looks at you. “I have no excuse. I’ve been acting like a dick towards you and I feel awful.” You don’t say anything. “I…I thought you were the one who said I wouldn’t make it as a producer. I didn’t know it was Chaewon who said it and that you were the one who defended me. I was stupid and angry, and I took it out on you without knowing the whole truth. 

“I didn’t find out until Sunoo told me yesterday. I didn’t talk about that with anyone since we were friends, you know? I was so hurt but I didn’t know that it was my fault for making myself feel like that…And in turn, I made you feel like you didn’t have a place in my life. I’m so, so sorry that I treated you like you didn’t mean anything to me when you did.” 

You don’t look at him as you finish your morning routine. He stands there awkwardly, waiting for you to say something. 

“I went through a lot of shit back then,” you say, turning to face him. “My dad left just after you stopped talking to me and all I wanted to do was talk to you about it. You always knew what to say to make me feel better but then you started ignoring me like I never mattered to you. Do you know how badly that hurt to have one of my best friends stop giving a shit about me? 

“I watched you hang out with our mutual friends. I watched you do really cool things with music but I did all of that on the sidelines because you never included me, even though I was the only person who really supported you., I don’t think you really get that there were so many people back then who just wanted to be your friend because a few of your songs blew up on the internet. I watched you keep them close while you pushed me aside without giving me the chance to make up for whatever I did to make you upset. 

“I’ve spent the last few years trying to be okay with the fact that you didn’t want to be friends anymore. I tried so hard to accept that you and I would only be people who saw each other in passing. But that hurt. It hurt so much to think you didn’t care about me for one second and didn’t care that I was upset too.” 

Your confession hangs in the air and Heeseung feels like crying when he sees that you’ve started to tear up. You wipe them away aggressively, too embarrassed to be seen weeping in front of him. 

“I’m sorry.” Heeseung’s voice cracks. “I am, Y/N. You were so good to me and I took that for granted.”

“Yeah, you could say that.” 

“I can’t make excuses for myself back then but I want you to know I own up to everything. I’m sorry that I let you feel like that and wasn’t mature enough to talk to you. I know I’m too late, but you deserve an apology. You deserve more than that.” 

Heeseung thinks you’re going to storm past him like he did a few nights prior. He thinks you might spit in his face and tell him to go to hell. But all you do is stare at him in silence. 

“I’ve wanted to hear you say that for a long time,” you tell him. “So thanks for that. I feel beyond hurt by everything you did and everything you’ve ever said since we stopped being friends. All I have ever wanted was to be in the same room and not worry about if you wanted me there or not. This entire trip has felt like walking on eggshells around you.” He lets you step around him and out of the bath house. 

“I don’t hate you either, Heeseung. I know you probably think that I do but I don't.” 

***

The rest of your friends can tell something’s going on between the two of you but choose not to comment on it. Everybody is off doing their own thing, as today is the last day of camping, and nobody wants to accidentally spoil it. You and Jungwon decide to head over to your “secret spot,” just the two of you, for old time’s sake.

“I’ll miss you when I leave Korea,” you say as the two of you sit on the ground. “I don’t know how I’m gonna do any of this without you, Wonnie.”

“I know you’re scared of the future and about your dad asking to see you, but you’ve got to know that you’re stronger than any of us. You’re like, a superhero, or something.” 

“Now you’re just being corny.” 

Jungwon laughs. “Yeah, maybe I am. But seriously, Y/N, I’ve always liked that you were able to find some of your optimism again. You make me feel like things will get better for me too. I can’t sit here and pretend I know what you’re going through, but I’ll always be here for you. My parents will too.”

“I still remember the look on their faces when my mom broke the news,” you snort. “They looked like they were ready to go to prison for murder.” 

“I’ve never seen them so angry. I felt like castrating your dad.” 

“Didn’t we all?” 

“But at least we got Riki out of it.” You smile fondly. Jungwon wants to tell you he’s proud of how far you’ve come, but decides to keep that to himself for now.

“I love him, you know. Even if I don’t really say it. I think it was hard for me to be able to say I loved him without feeling guilty. I thought I was betraying my mom if I gave Riki a chance and seeing her step up to be a parental figure when my dad was too busy mingling with our side of the family was hard. We’ve never talked about it but I know she doesn’t hate Riki. She wouldn’t have forced me to spend time with him if she did.

“He’s such a bright kid and he’s so talented. It makes me happy when people recognize that too. He taught me a lot about prioritizing my feelings. Learning to re-evaluate my life when Riki showed up made me feel, I don’t know, more mature? Like, I can be upset and still care about people because we all make mistakes and none of us asked to be here.” 

Jungwon lets a beat of silence pass before speaking. “Did Heeseung talk to you?”

“This morning. Why do you ask?”

“Well, I saw him acting a bit different at the bonfire last night and asked him if anything happened. He told me why he was so mad at you for so long and said he wanted to apologize.”

“Men are so fucking stupid,” you sigh, bringing your knees to your chest. “I don’t understand why he didn’t talk to me in the first place.”

“Me either, honestly. But at least he’s making an effort. Isn’t that what you said you wanted?” 

You nod. “Yeah. Feelings are complicated. I’ve been angry for so long. I always thought I’d yell at him and give him a piece of my mind, or something. I thought I would hate him and tell him to forget about me. But when he apologized, he said it in a way that made me believe he meant it. It didn’t feel like he was bullshitting me. I felt stuck.” 

“What did you end up saying?” 

“I told him how hurt I was during that time and said I wished he was there for me like I was for him when I was dealing with my dad. I told him how I wished we could’ve talked it out.” 

“That’s a good start.” 

“I don’t think we’ll ever go back to the way we were but I also know Heeseung. I know it took a lot out of him to set aside his pride and put somebody else first. I don’t really know what I’m gonna do now. All I know is I’m tired of being upset and I want to feel okay.”

Jungwon nudges your shoulder with his. “You’ll be just fine. The universe moves for you, Y/N. There’s no way you won’t have a happy ending.” He watches you hide a smile. 

“You are such a sap.” 

“It’s what you love about me.” 

“Unfortunately.” You’ll really miss him. “I gotta take it one day at a time, right? Heeseung is going to be in my life for a long time since we share so many friends. Riki loves him too, and I guess I can’t hate Heeseung too much for looking out for him. I don’t think I have any room to think about it when I get back because I’ll be doing some last minute packing and getting ready to move.” 

“It’ll be over before you know it. But even then, you’re going to have the best time in Okayama. Fuck your dad and all of the bad shit.”

“Yeah,” you laugh. “Fuck my dad.” 

The end of the trip is bittersweet. You start to tear up when you see the campsite completely empty and move slowly to pack everything in the cars. Heeseung notices but doesn’t say anything, offering to grab whatever’s in your hands when he sees you looking out into the clearing for extended periods of time. He doesn’t pretend to know what you’re feeling but he knows he doesn’t like it when you cry.

He watches you get into Jay’s car and wishes that you could be comfortable sitting alone with him. While Jake mans the aux, Heeseung thinks about what might happen when you move away. Will the two of you remain how you are or will you grow apart? Is there any room for him in your life now that you’re off to explore a different part of the world? Will he ever be able to push past the gnawing feeling of pushing his pathetic crush on you down until he no longer thinks of you like that?

He’s never admitted it, but those feelings he had towards you all those years ago never really went away. Heeseung doubled down on his irritation because doing otherwise would allow all of those romantic feelings to overwhelm him. He kept his head down around you because he knew one look at you would be enough to throw his inhibitions away and he was afraid he would risk everything he’s ever wanted just for you to tell him you love him too. Now that he knows everything was a misunderstanding, the grave loss weighs on him. He’s got a million thoughts running through his mind and none of them seem to make any sense. These romantic feelings didn’t lie dormant for all of these years, right? 

The next week and a half feels like it passes by too quickly for the both of you. You finish packing the morning of your going away party that everyone helped set up and plan. Your mom, along with Jungwon’s parents, all of your friends and their parents, and Maeumi, presentes you with the kind of happiness you never want to forget. Even Heeseung, who shows up and gives you a letter when no one else is looking, makes you feel like you would be dearly missed. You’re not sure that you enjoy being the center of attention, but everybody’s kindness makes you feel like you deserve to be. 

It’s late when they leave and socializing makes you feel far more exhausted than you anticipated. Your flight is midday tomorrow but you try not to think about that. Heeseung’s letter sits on the edge of your bed and the green envelope–your favorite color–stares at you like it’s begging you to open it. And open it you do. 

Y/N–

I don’t know where to start. I’m sorry, first of all, for treating you the way I did. I was a sorry excuse for a friend. I should’ve talked to you instead of jumping to conclusions and it doesn’t matter that we were both young. Friends annoy each other but they don’t disrespect one another. I’m so sorry that I made you doubt yourself. 

I’ll miss you a lot when you’re in Japan. We didn’t get the chance to talk it out and I understand if you don’t want anything to do with me after you leave. You deserve people who will be there for you. But please know I’ll always be rooting for you. 

Lastly…I don’t know if this is my place to say this but here goes nothing. Back when we were close, the one thing I loved about you was how passionate you were about life. You loved to learn and explore new things, and you always made me feel like I could feel that way too. I know you’re scared about Okayama for a number of reasons but you’re the strongest person I know. You’ll be just fine, even if you don’t feel like you will be. I’ll be here for you whenever you need me. I mean it.

- Heeseung

For the first time in a while, you allow yourself to cry over Lee Heeseung and surprise yourself when you realize that you want him back. 

***

At the airport, your mom helps you check in your luggage and asks if you’ve got everything you need and makes you double check everything. It’s reminiscent of the way you did with Riki before the camping trip. You’re happy despite feeling a bit annoyed that she’s making you take off your backpack. You don’t totally mind it, though. She gives you a hug that feels like it could last a lifetime and letting her go is the hardest thing you’ve ever done. 

Everybody else gives you love, too. Sunoo is the first to hug you and makes you promise to bring him back some skincare and souvenirs the next time you’re able to get back to Korea. Jake embraces you next and gives you some words of encouragement while Jay does his best to pretend like he isn’t sad by complaining about how there will be one less cook in the kitchen. You throw your arms around him anyway and pretend not to hear him sniffle. Sunghoon traps you in a bear hug and makes you promise to take as many photos as possible and says he’ll look forward to seeing them. He, too, pretends like he’s not about to cry. You push your head onto his shoulder and give his hand a squeeze before he lets a few teardrops fall. 

Jungwon is the most emotional of them all. He wipes away his free falling tears and crushes you in a hug, burying his head in your neck. “You better come back, asshole. I can’t believe you’re gonna leave me to chase your dreams. That’s so selfish of you.” You think you might cry too but laugh anyway. 

“I love you so much, Wonnie.” He squeezes you like he’s afraid he’ll forget what it feels like to be in your embrace until Jake pries him off of your body. 

Riki stands awkwardly with his eyes to the floor and his hands in front of him. The taller boy feels as though his shoes are glued down but you see the way his gaze flickers as if he’s trying to figure out what to do next. It doesn’t take much out of you to throw your arms around him and push yourself into his chest. 

“I’m going to miss you a lot, Riki,” you tell him.

“Really?” You nod. 

“I know I haven’t been the best towards you but you need to know that I’m so proud of you, okay? I loved getting to know you. I loved that you came on the trip and I’m so fucking happy that you’re my brother. Out of everybody who could’ve popped into my life, I’m so glad it was you.” 

Everybody watches Riki melt in front of them as he envelopes you right into him. You feel the weight of his shoulders relax and for the first time, you feel like you’re starting to wonder if this is what it feels like to have everything figured out. 

“I’ll come visit you,” he promises. “I’ll come home for winter break.”

“Stay with me. We can do all of the corny shit siblings do. I’ll even pay for everything.” 

Riki laughs but doesn’t let you go. “You’re the best, you know that? Even though it took you some time, I always thought of you like my sister. I’m really happy to be around you.” 

The waterworks begin and Riki does his best to comfort you when he feels tears on his shirt. He feels somewhere in between empty and fulfilled knowing the two of you have made amends, but knowing you want to work towards the future is enough to make him confident that everything will be alright. He lets you go when he feels your arms loosen around him and aggressively wipes his own tears away. 

When you look at Heeseung, the last thing he expects you to do is acknowledge him. He came to the airport because he wants you to know he meant everything in the letter he wrote. He stayed up all night to check for your texts but you hadn’t said anything, and while he knew it was an emotional day for you because of all you were dealing with, a selfish part of him wanted to know what you thought about it. 

You surprise Heeseung and yourself by engulfing him in a hug. The familiarity of his embrace makes you feel nostalgic and you can’t help but cry right into his chest. Heeseung doesn’t hesitate and brings his arms to wrap around your fragile body as you silently weep against him. He holds you tight and gently rocks your body like he used to all those years ago. You don’t fight back either. Instead, you push your head deeper into him and hold him until your tears have stopped. 

“I read your letter,” you say quietly. “We have a lot to talk about but I appreciate everything you said, Heeseung. I tried to hate you but I could never bring myself to feel that way about you.”

“I’m really going to miss you. Can I be selfish?” Heeseung asks with a sob in his throat. “I wish I apologized sooner and I wish we had more time. But please, promise me that you’re going to try to have fun in Japan, okay? You’re the best person I know, even if I didn’t make you feel like it. I’ll always live with that regret but knowing you’ll forget about me and make a life for yourself is enough.”

“I could never truly forget about you, Hee.” That nickname you used to call him makes Heeseung’s heart beat faster. “I don’t want you out of my life. All these years I felt like that’s what I wanted but I don’t want that now. Be happy without me too, okay? Forget about me and follow that dream of yours.” 

Heeseung laughs sadly. “I don’t think I could ever forget about you.” You step away from him and wipe your eyes for the umteenth time. 

“Write a song for me, then. And don’t be a stranger, okay?” 

“Okay.” Heeseung swears on it. “I won’t.” 

A beat of silence passes before all seven of your friends push you into the middle of their group hug. It brings another round of tears to your eyes and Jungwon’s the one who lets you cry into him until your mom tells you it’s time to start boarding. Everybody gets one final goodbye before you disappear into the plane. 

You smile at your phone when you settle into your seat. 

lee heeseung: I miss you already 

You miss him too.

***

Okayama is a dream until it isn’t. You settled into your apartment and had one month before you started your job and went to all the places Riki recommended. You started to understand him a little better after moving and both of you find it hilarious that you two ended up living in each others’ hometowns. You can’t choose your siblings but you’d choose Riki in every lifetime. 

You call your mom every so often and update her on life. Your friends keep you in the loop and FaceTime you when they’re out together. It makes you feel like you’re back in Korea and while it isn’t the same, you appreciate the effort anyway. You’ve made friends with your neighbors and a few girls you met when you went out drinking with your cousin the week you moved and it made braving a whole new country feel less daunting. Jungwon calls you everyday and you tease him for being such a clingy friend, but you both know you love it. You inform him about everything from the boring details to juicy work drama, and it feels like you’re sitting in his bedroom wearing face masks and eating junk food. 

Heeseung has been a constant fixture in your life, too. You texted him the moment you landed and he kept the conversation going. You talk about everything, the past especially, and start to feel like things might be okay. Those butterflies that you had for him in high school made an appearance after three months in Japan and part of you wondered if you were a fool for bringing him back into your life after everything. All of your friends back in Korea tell you Heeseung is miserable without you and when they tease him in the big group chat, he doesn’t deny it.

The friends you made seemed divided–one half thought you should leave him in the dark while the other half swooned over his dedication to making things right. You don’t really know what to think or how to feel, but you know you’re happy. Between phone calls and late night texts, you were always left with a smile on your face before bed.

Riki came back to Okayama for winter break and spent two weeks in your apartment. When the two of you weren’t bickering as siblings do, you both stayed up way too late watching anime and watched him dance at his home studio. Riki even got you to attend a few classes (he tried not to laugh at your poor coordination skills but appreciated the effort anyway). You prefer to be in the audience. 

Life seemed great until your dad made an appearance just before Christmas. He knew you were here from a single text message he never responded to before you moved to Okayama. The weight of his silence prepared you to be in Japan without him but his sudden appearance made you feel like everything changed for the worse. Riki went back to his childhood home to see his family and asked you to come with him after your dad had forced him. Your brother knows the intricate dynamic and you don’t blame him for anything. Seeing your dad with his new family after sparse texts since he left felt like a punch in the gut. It soured your holidays and Riki spent the rest of his trip apologizing even though you told him there was no reason for him to be sorry. You dropped him off at the airport and told him you’d see him in the summertime. 

The holidays came and went but the feelings you’ve carried since then haven’t disappeared, which brings you to the present. Heeseung is standing in the doorway of your apartment in Okayama, looking at you with those big, round doe eyes you always loved. 

“Hi,” he says breathlessly. 

“Heeseung…What are you doing here?” He scratches the back of his neck. 

“You’ve been going through a lot, you know? Every time we talked on the phone, you sounded like you were a thousand miles away and it killed me to know I couldn’t do anything to make you feel better after the holidays with your dad. Jungwon and I have been talking about how much of an ass he is and how much we wish we could be here for you and the next thing I knew, he was encouraging me to buy the next flight out to see you,” Heeseung says in a single breath. “But honestly? I just really, really fucking missed you.”

“You flew all this way here? For me?”

“Yeah.” Heeseung says it like it’s a no-brainer. “Although, now I feel kinda stupid. I realize I’m putting you in a tough spot. But you know what? I think it’s worth it to know that you’re okay.” 

He looks at you but you don’t say anything. Heeseung can see the gears turning inside of your head while you process his arrival. You look so cute in your sleep shorts and oversized shirt. He loves it when you call him via FaceTime because he gets to see all parts of you–getting ready for work and winding down as you are now. It makes him feel like you’re pulling him right back into you. 

You don’t really need to say anything. You lurch yourself onto him and press your lips against his like it’s something you’ve been waiting to do for the longest time. You probably have. Heeseung wraps his arms around you and lets his mouth melt against yours and doesn’t complain about your boldness either. He welcomes it, even. 

“You’re so stupid,” you mutter against him, pulling him into your apartment and locking the door behind you. You kiss him repeatedly and he puts his hands on your waist as if to let you know he’s right there with you. 

“Why am I stupid, baby?” Heeseung’s voice paired with that nickname makes your knees buckle.  

“You can stay with me.” He feels you smile against your lips. “Please just…stay here and don’t go.” 

“I’m not going anywhere.” 

Heeseung drops his backpack onto the floor and lets you capture his mouth again. You taste so fresh with your cherry lip balm. He moans right into your mouth when you push him against your countertop and the feeling of his hands on your body makes you grow hotter as the seconds pass by. The ache between your legs starts to overwhelm you as his plump lips kiss you over and over again before he pushes them against your neck. It’s too much in all of the right ways and you’re too aroused to even think straight. You start to pull yourself away from Heeseung and he’s about to ask if he’s going too fast when you grab your hand and lead him to your bedroom. 

“Y/N, wait,” Heeseung tries to say in between kisses. He loves the feeling of your warm mouth against him and feels himself starting to get worked up but he doesn’t know if you’re thinking straight. Even though the two of you have talked nearly everyday, Heeseung doesn’t know if this is moving too fast. 

“I’m done waiting.” You pull away from him and reach for his hand, pushing his lengthy fingers past your shorts and underwear until he feels the wet slick starting to pool at your folds. Your hand moves his back and forth as he looks at you like you’ve stunned him with a laser gun. Heeseung’s dick jumps in his pants and it takes him a second to move his fingers on his own accord. “I want you, Heeseung. Don’t you want me too?”

His resolve crumbles. Heeseung nods with his mouth parted as he pushes his fingers inside you, your wetness allowing him to reach your depths immediately. You push yourself on your toes and put your hands on his chest, clinging onto him like you’re afraid he’d let you go if you don’t. He thrusts his fingers with intention and hears your quiet whimpers when he leans his head down next to your mouth.

“Yeah,” Heeseung says, lips touching the shell of your ear as his voice ripples through your body. “I want you.”

He pulls his hand away from you and smiles at the short whine from the loss of his touch. Heeseung loves how much you need him and he’s sure you can see how much he needs you too. A surge of confidence jolts within you as Heeseung looks down at your body like he’s ready to eat you alive. You peel off your shirt and shorts, leaving you in your underwear as Heeseung pulls his shirt over his head with a single hand. 

“Lie down,” Heeseung beckons. You do as he says and he sinks down to his knees and pries your legs apart, looking directly at you as he speaks. “Good girl.” He pulls your garments down your legs and the cool air hits your center as Heeseung looks down at you. 

You don’t have time to think about anything when he peppers soft kisses on your skin. His lips journey from the inside of your knee and he presses one small kiss to your slit before repeating the process on your other leg. Heeseung allows himself to get lost in the way your body reacts to his feather-like touches before descending down onto your folds. 

Heeseung’s tongue feels like the closest thing to magic. He takes his time when licking you with his warm and wet muscle, canvassing every ridge with expert movements. You rake your fingers through his hair and tug gently at his soft roots, pulling a moan out of him that delivers a delicious shock up your spine. He puts your feet on his shoulders and plunges his tongue inside of you and grips your flesh with his fingertips until you’re coming undone on his mouth. 

“So fucking good,” he mutters to himself more than he does to you. He laps up your release and you find yourself a bit embarrassed that you were able to come so quickly, but the way he touches you makes it seem as though he already knew how to push your buttons. “You’re so sweet, Y/N. I could eat you all day if you’d let me.” 

Heeseung trails his lips up your stomach and kisses you so tenderly that you feel as though your body must be made out of soft cotton. His lips find your left nipple and lets his tongue swirl over the bud before sucking on it with a gentle motion. He repeats the process on the other nub and flicks it, enjoying the soft sounds that come from you. Heeseung buries himself right into your neck but he doesn’t kiss the skin like you think he will. Instead, he kisses you twice on your open neck before moving his body so that he can look down at you. 

He bites his lip. It makes you feel exposed but somehow, it makes you feel all that more confident. It’s like Heeseung is looking right through you with all of your worries and faults laid out for him to reject. But he doesn’t. Likewise, Heeseung allows you to see him in his vulnerability and he’s ready to pack up his things and leave if you tell him you don’t want this anymore. But you don’t. 

He descends on you once again, this time his lips pushing against you in a slow and sensual kiss. You feel the way he moves against you and savor the sounds your mouths make together. Heeseung brings his hand to brush strands of your hair away from your face as he kisses you and the gentle touch of his fingertips feels like it was always meant to be there. 

“I need you.” Your back arches right into his chest as you speak. “Don’t make me wait, Heeseung. Please, I just…I need you.” 

“I’ll never make you wait. Never again,” he promises. Heeseung manages to rid himself of his pants and boxers and pushes himself between your legs until his dick is situated between your folds. Your arousal, paired with the precum oozing from his slit, provides the perfect balance of wetness that coats the entirety of his cock as he glides himself against you. 

When his tip catches your hole, the sounds of your moans overpowers his refrain. He pushes inside of you slowly inch by inch, savoring the way you feel for the fear that he might never be able to do this again. You look so beautiful underneath him with his dick completely sheathed inside of you and when your legs wrap around his body to encourage him to move, Heeseung doesn’t deny you of your pleasure. 

Neither of you have ever had sex like this–the feeling of pure rawness echoes throughout the room between your breathy moans and the sound of skin pushing against one another. Your body is warm in the way he always imagined and his hands touch every inch of you as if to commit your silhouette to memory. In this moment, Heeseung feels as though the two of you are kindred spirits who found each other.

“You’re so good for me,” Heeseung whispers into your neck as he thrusts into you. “So fucking tight and wet.” He feels your arms wrap around his shoulders to keep him trapped between you but he can’t say he minds all that much. 

“I-I’m so close,” you say in a broken moan. 

“Already, baby?” Heeseung says to tease you as he brings his head up to look down at you again. He pushes his hips against you faster and that surprised gasp you let out makes his balls clench. 

“S-Shut up.” 

Your arms fall to the mattress as you claw at your sheets. Heeseung plans his elbows on either side of your head as he focuses all of his willpower towards fucking you with fast deep strokes, loving the way your mouth parts slightly and how your eyes are closed shut. His muscles flex as he pushes himself until you’re coming with a loud moan, and finds himself releasing inside of you the moment he feels you gushing around him. 

You feel Heeseung press his tender lips against your forehead as you come down from your high while he continues to rock you through your release. Your cheeks are hot from the pleasure and the room is suddenly too warm with Heeseung on top of you. When you open your eyes, he’s looking at you like he’s seen a halo above your head. He can’t really help it. Heeseung leans down to press a soft, gentle kiss against your lips to convey a job well down. 

“I came so fast,” you whisper bashfully. You bite your lip but Heeseung tugs it away from your teeth to kiss you again. 

“Me too.” Heeseung kisses your nose and relishes in the way you scrunch your face. “But it’s okay. You deserve to feel good. I don’t care how long or short it takes.” He places his hand on your face and rubs the apple of your cheek with his thumb. 

“I really missed you.” 

“I missed you too, dummy,” Heeseung says before flicking your nose. He holds your jaw in place before kissing you again. 

“We’re gonna have to do a lot of making up, you know,” you mumble against his lips with a smile. 

“Oh yeah?” 

“Mhm.” You push against his lips. Heeseung pushes his half-hard dick inside of you as your back arches right into him. He’s there to catch you this time, his arm supporting your spine underneath you. “Fuck!” 

“My baby,” he whispers into you. “Let me make it up to you.” 

You let him.

***

EPILOGUE: THE FOLLOWING SPRING

“For fuck’s sake, get your big ass head out of the way.”

Jay smacks Jake’s shoulder. “You can see just fine, stupid.” Sunghoon hits both of their shoulders. 

“Both of you, stop moving so much. You guys almost knocked my camera.” They mumble a quick apology before finding another thing to discuss. 

“I feel like I’m surrounded by children.” You sigh as Heeseung wraps his arms around your waist and lets his chin sit atop the crown of your head. He feels your body relax against him and smiles. 

“Well you are, technically. Riki just stopped wearing diapers.” 

“I hate you so much, Heeseung,” the younger boy whines without any true malice. You laugh and squeeze Riki’s hand. He can’t find it in himself to be too mad at either of you. 

“Do you guys see Jungwon and Sunoo?” Sunghoon asks with his camera at the ready. “I want to make sure I take as many pictures as possible.” 

“I don’t think they’re coming out yet,” says Jay. 

“Duh.” Jake provokes him in a way you missed while you were in Okayama. It brings warmth to your heart when you see them bicker. 

Jay turns to you. “Y/N, have you given a second thought about moving in with Jake when you come back? I think you’d be better off if you kicked him to the streets.”

“Hey!” Jake tackles Jay until he’s got his older friend’s neck between his arms. None of you pay too much attention and choose to wait for Jungwon and Sunoo. 

“Our friends are another breed,” Heeseung mumbles against you as he kisses your cheek. “Are you sure you want to move back and be roommates with Jake and Jungwon?” 

“Mhm. I miss you guys so much.” 

“But you miss me the most, right?” 

“Yes, baby.” You bring his hand up to your lips and kiss the back of it. “I missed you the most.” 

“There they are!” Riki shouts. 

Jungwon and Sunoo, clad in their caps and gowns, saunter their way out of the stadium before spotting your group. They make a run for it and push past the onlookers who search for their loved ones as well. Sunoo clings onto Jake while Jungwon finds his perch in Riki’s arms as Sunghoon captures the beautiful moment on his digital camera. 

“We fucking did it!” Jungwon shouts as he pulls away. “Sunoo, we did it!” 

“About damn time,” Sunoo replies as he rolls his eyes with a smile. “I felt like I’d be there forever.” 

“We’re so proud of you both.” Jay smiles and moves to hug each of them. “You guys are amazing, seriously.” 

“I can’t believe you’re leaving me.” Riki bumps hips with Sunoo. “That seems unfair.” 

“Life is unfair.” There’s no real bite to his tone, just a bittersweet future. Sunoo hugs the taller boy. 

“Oh my God,” Jungwon says with his hand pressed to his mouth. “Y/N is crying.” 

“No I’m not,” you say, even though you definitely are. Heeseung squeezes you tighter against him. “Shut up, Jungwon. I’m not crying.” 

“You so are!” Riki shouts. 

“I’m not crying. Seeing my best friends graduate college is not a good reason to cry, okay?!” 

Jungwon and Sunoo sport shit-eating grins. Heeseung lets you go as they engulf you in a hug while the younger of the two feels your hot tears on his cheek. He laughs and this moment starts to feel a bit nostalgic to him, as he acted the same way you did upon seeing you in your cap and gown. 

“Hey,” he says in a softer tone, pulling away from the two of you. “Thanks for being here. I know taking time off was a little hard but we’re so happy you could come.”

“Yeah,” Sunoo agrees. “Talking to you over the phone isn’t enough. We missed you, you know?” 

You tear up again and wipe your nose before falling into them again. “I missed you too.”

“Oh God,” Sunghoon laughs. “If Y/N’s crying then I know we’re in for it.” 

“Hey!” Heeseung jokes, nudging his friend with his shoulder. “Don’t talk about my girlfriend like that.” Although, he can’t really disagree with Sunghoon. 

“You’re all so stupid for making me cry in public,” you say as you wipe your tears from your eyes. “I’m gonna look back at these pictures and my eyes will be all red and puffy.” 

“I feel like you and Heeseung might as well be our parents,” Sunoo says as Heeseung pulls him into a hug.

“Wait, you guys should totally take a family photo.” Jake steps forward to arrange the four of you like a family portrait with Jungwon and Sunoo between you and Heeseung. “There. Sunghoon, take a picture. This is so going on the fridge when we move in together.” 

Heeseung moves back next to you as the rest of your friends look at the photos on Sunghoon’s camera and take turns taking pictures of him with the graduates. He kisses your cheek and pulls you back into him. 

“You ready to come back to all this chaos?”

“More than ready,” you affirm. “I loved Okayama, even though I had to deal with my dad and all of that stuff. But I missed my life here and the masters program over in Seoul is a good fit for me, you know? Plus, your apartment isn’t too far from mine.” 

“I can’t wait for you to move back.” Heeseung kisses your cheek again. “Your mom and I talked logistics about helping you move into the new apartment. Knowing you, I’m sure you’ll have another suitcase coming back with you.” 

“Shut up.” 

“You know I’m right.” 

You blush and mumble. “Yeah…You’re right.” 

“Your mom and Jungwon’s parents talked about renting a bigger camp space this year, too. I think they’re planning on having one huge trip this year now that most of us have graduated.” 

“I can’t believe our last trip was almost a year ago. That’s insane because it feels like I moved to Japan just yesterday.” 

“I solemnly swear I will never be as stupid or dense as I was back then.” When you turn around to look at Heeseung, you know he’s telling the truth. You don’t answer him verbally and choose to silence him with a pretty kiss. It’s enough for the two of you. 

“Oi, love birds,” Jake calls, looking at you. “We should find their parents. Your mom called me and I think she was crying.” 

You frown. “Why didn’t she call me?”  

“She said you were probably crying too,” Jake snickers. 

“Is it too late to back out of being roommates?” 

“Nope. You’re stuck with me.” 

Heeseung squeezes your hand. 

“And me.” 

As you look around, you can’t help but feel as though this was always how it was meant to be.

“I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

***

comments and reblogs are appreciated! xx

[whotfelsewantedtobelynnyx]

Chat, I regret to inform you that I have added a new hyperfixation…so…

Agatha All Along Incorrect Quotes!

Alice: Hold the fuck up.

Also Alice, crawling into Lilia’s lap: It’s me. I’m the fuck up. Hold me.

Rio: I have an idea!

Jen: No murder.

Rio, sighing petulantly: I no longer have an idea.

Lilia: I have a bad feeling about this…

Agatha: What do you mean?

Alice: Don’t you ever get that little voice in the back of your head that tells you if something is going to get you in trouble?

Agatha: No.

Jen: That actually explains so much.

Lilia: As far back as I can remember, I’ve always had this little voice in my head telling me to “live it up today, because there’s not gonna be a lot of tomorrows”.

Agatha: You do realize there’s medication designed to get rid of those kinds of voices, right?

Teen: A bird flew in through my window and I’m trying to befriend it.

*later*

Agatha: Why don’t you quit bothering me and go talk to your bird friend?

Teen: Matthew and I are not speaking at the moment.

*the coven, huddling together behind a makeshift shelter to shield themselves from repeated gunshots*

Alice, hastily shoving the others behind her so she can return fire: Agatha, do you have any idea who would want to shoot you?!

Agatha, squashed between Jen and Rio: Many people want to shoot me. I take great pride in that!

Jen, glaring at the group as she hands over bail money:

Alice, tapping her shoulder: What about Teen?

Jen, glaring more: I’ve got to bail him out too? Where’s Agatha?

Teen: No one called her. We used Lilia’s phone call to call Alice and Rio’s to call you. Then Rio used my phone call to vote for American Idol.

Rio: :)

Jen: Rio isn’t answering her phone.

Agatha: Here, I’ll try.

Jen: Alice and I have tried six times each, what makes you think that-

Rio, picking up on the first ring: Hey, sweetheart.

Agatha: The ends always justify the means!

Jen: Do you know who said that?

Agatha: Was it Oprah or someone nice and great like that?

Jen: It was Machiavelli. A decidedly non-Oprah like person.

Jen: I bet you didn’t even finish the thing I asked you to get done!

Agatha: For your information, I most certainly did! Got it done last night!

Teen, whispering to Agatha: You didn’t get it done, did you?

Agatha, whispering back: I don’t even know what she’s talking about.

Lilia: I am at a loss for words!

Teen, glancing at the camera like his mom like he’s on The Office: Despite being lost for words, Lilia yelled at us for the next 45 minutes.

Agatha, carrying Señor Scratchy out of the room:

Señor Scratchy: *snuggles under her chin*

Agatha, kissing his head: You are being punished. Please stop being adorable. I love you.

Teen: I got a trampoline tent for summer sleepovers!

Jen, whispering to the other adult witches: …think of all the sex.

Alice: There are two types of people.

Rio: If you wanted to eat someone, you could put a fire under it and slowly roast them :)

Lilia: …three. Three types of people.

Jen, cautiously: I can’t believe I didn’t notice this before, but…Teen, you are a little crazy.

Teen: Aren’t we all a little crazy here, Jen?

Jen: No, I mean you’re aging-ballerina, child-chess-prodigy, professional magician kind of crazy.

Teen: It’s my mom’s fault. You know, we come from a Jewish family, but she used to tell me the reason Santa didn’t come was because my room was too dirty.

Rio: I’ve come looking for trouble. And if I can’t find trouble, I WILL create some.

Alice: Do you trust me?

Lilia, smiling proudly at her: Yes.

Alice, who has been completely panicking: Wait, what? Why?!

Agatha, awkwardly glancing around for help: Er…Alice, I’m gonna be honest, I don’t know what to say to people who are crying. So I’m just gonna hope that the tone of my voice makes you think I do, okay, sweetie?

Alice, sniffling: …thanks, Agatha.

Agatha, patting her on the back with a bit too much enthusiasm: No problem, kid.

Lilia: I told Agatha about it weeks ago!

Teen: She WHAT?

Agatha: What??? Lilia says insane shit all the time, how was I supposed to know this one was true?!

Lilia: Bank accounts are a sham created by the shadow government!

Agatha: SEE?!

BONUS:

Wanda, watching from the afterlife: so…when exactly do kids grow out of that whole emo, rebellious stage?

Lorna, shrugging: I don’t know. Alice is still in it.

[bird-in-the-space]

Echoes of the Unknown

After recovering from your illness, you talk with Emily and the human trio. You learn little about the bots. However, the idea of officially joining Team Prime leaves you in doubt.

Warnings: Ratchet being grumpy, a bit social anxiety, Miko taking pictures without permission, and a lot of self doubt.

Chapter 10

---------------------------------------

After Ratchet finished the cleaning progress,  infused you with fresh processed energon, and fixed up your dents, he made adjustments to your body after hearing about how your limbs dragged you a lot due to their weight and how much trouble you had moving them. The process felt like forever, but he finally gave you the clear to stand up and move while he made finishing scans. 

“Alright. How do you feel? The adjustments I made should have made your arms and legs more lighter for you to move,” Ratchet asked as you stretched your arms, and shoulders and tested your knees. Everything felt much better and not like you were carrying limbs that felt more like weights. 

“Much better. I feel like I can finally move without exhausting myself,” you explained. 

“Thank you… doc… you said slightly awkwardly. 

He grumbled at the nickname. “Make sure you do not go drinking any more earth oils. It’s unhealthy and bad for you,” he said before proceeding to do something else. 

“Lesson learned,” you said before seeing Emily walk up to you. 

“How are you feeling? Is the headache gone?” she asked. 

“Yeah. The headache’s gone, and I do not feel like I’m going to pass out anytime soon,” you explained. 

“That’s good. You gave me quite a scare when you passed out in the alley like that,” Emily smiled. 

“Yeah, sorry about that,” you said, feeling embarrassed and a bit guilty for scaring her. 

“Don’t be. You were not feeling well. You were probably gonna pass out sooner or later,” she said. “I’m glad we got you the help you needed before anything serious could happen,” she added. 

Jack, Raf, and Miko then showed up. 

“So… (Name).... what is it like looking at us from there?” Jack asked. 

“Everything is… smaller than it should be,” you answered. 

“Dude. I never knew Vehicons had faces behind their masks,” Miko said. “I thought the eye line and the smooth surface was their face,” 

You frowned. “Haven’t you been with these guys longer than us? Wasn’t there at least one time you saw these cons having faces?” you questioned. 

“We try to avoid putting ourselves in danger. Miko tends to do the opposite so she can take pictures of our bots scrapping the cons.” Jack crossed his arms while looking at Miko. She only rolled her eyes. 

“Well, this is different. Now smile!” Miko took out her phone and took a picture of you. The sudden camera light made you blink your eyes for a moment. 

“So, how long have you three known about these guys?” you asked. 

“For a while now,” Raf answered. 

“You do not have to worry about these guys accidentally stepping on you?” you asked. 

“We’re careful enough. I guess you do not have to worry about getting squashed since you’re a bot yourself,” Miko pointed at you. 

“That’s perhaps the only relief,” Ratchet scoffed. 

You didn’t know what to think of it. Not getting stepped on was one thing, but now you could accidentally do the stepping, and you were not certain if you could trust yourself to be that careful. 

“So… now that you decided to stay. You could become an Autobot,” Jack started. 

“Not a bad idea. Hey, maybe we could finally look into a new look for you,” Emily suggested. 

“Yeah. If you ever joined a fight, the bots could mistake you for the enemy because you still look like one of those Vehicons,” Miko said, making punching motions. “That would be really bad for you,” 

“Ugh—” you stayed silent at the suggestions. 

You, an Autobot? 

This was not your war. 

“I don’t really know about that,” you said. 

“One moment, please. I… I need to clear my head for a moment,” you said, walking away from them. Emily looked after you with a frown. 

You found yourself a lone corner and leaned against the wall with a sigh. 

“(Name)?” 

You looked down to see Emily in front of you. You kneeled down to her level. 

“What’s wrong? Something’s on your mind,” she asked.  

“Nothing. It’s just… my social battery is not very high right now,” you excused as it was partly the truth. 

“But there’s something else,” Emily stated with her hands on her hips. 

You stayed quiet, unsure how to explain it to her. 

“Come on. I won’t leave you alone until you tell me,” she said. 

“It’s just…” you sighed. “So much happened today and now we know that there’s a whole alien war going on. I mean it’s insane,” you confessed. 

“I’m glad these Autobots are friendly, but… me joining these guys? Becoming an Autobot?” you questioned. 

“I might be a cybertronian now, but I am very much still a human from inside. This is… This is not my war,” you said.  

“We got lucky escaping the Decepticons, but I can’t fight. What can I do for them? I’ll be more in their way than be any help,” you asked. 

“I get what you mean,” Emily placed her hand on your finger. 

“You do not have to join them if you don’t want to, and you do not have to do any fighting. I guess that was just Miko getting overly excited,” she said. 

“However, after getting to know them a little. I think this is the best place for you to be. They’re not that bad. I have a good feeling about this so how about you give these guys a chance? Become friends with them? That way you have people you can turn to for help,” she suggested with a gentle smile. 

You hesitated, but her smile and words made you consider it. “If you trust them that much already… then I guess I can give it a try,” you uttered. 

“Attagirl. And don’t worry about being any help. We can figure out that later,” she comforted, patting your hand. “Maybe you could be an extra pair of hands for the doc bot,” she grinned. 

“Ratchet seems like he prefers to work alone,” you said. 

“Nah. We never know once we ask,” she said. 

“But everything is going to be alright. Give these guys a chance. Who knows, they might just be the right people for you after all,” she smiled enthusiastically. 

“Okay,” you nodded. 

“Good. Now come on. Time to upgrade your social skills,” she said and you followed her back to the trio. 

You talked to them about random things. They shared interesting stories they had with their bots and slowly you dropped your guard around them. It no longer seemed bad and you found it rather easy to talk with them. Maybe this could work after all.

[avonne-writes]

HS AU - First date headcanons

It's a movie date and they watch a sci-fi, then get something to eat at the mall.

Bucky spends the previous afternoon alternating between freaking out to his mom and buzzing with excitement, and he messes up his entire closet looking for the perfect set of clothes.

Gale spends his afternoon sitting by his window with his knees pulled up, listening to calming music and glancing at his phone every other minute to make sure Bucky didn’t text to cancel last minute.

Georgia tries to convince Bucky not to wear his sheepskin jacket, but Bucky claims it brings him good luck.

Gale is half an hour early to the place because he didn’t want to be late.

They're super awkward about greeting each other, unsure if they should hug or shake hands or something? It’s painful to watch and they kind of just wave at each other from ten feet away, then Bucky sticks his sweaty hands in his pockets and pulls up his shoulders, while Gale runs a hand through his hair, then crosses his arms.

Bucky can barely pay attention to the first half of the movie because all he keeps fretting about is when he should take Gale's hand and whether it's even a good idea. It doesn’t help that the movie isn’t romantic at all, and he’s like, should I reach out when the bad guys massacre a village or...?

But then, something in the middle gets Gale excited, and he leans over to whisper to Bucky about it, and he just casually puts his hand on Bucky’s arm in the process and leaves it there. When he feels Bucky's arm turn over under his touch, he slides his hand down to Bucky's.

They get fast food and milkshakes afterwards because they both have teenage boy appetites, and it's a bit tense at first because they're nervous, but Gale starts talking about the movie and once he gets into it, the ideas just keep coming, especially because it's a science movie, and Bucky just watches him with heart eyes.

They don’t wanna go home yet, so they go around the mall and go into all sorts of shops, and Bucky makes a fool of himself in all of them to make Gale laugh. Puts ridiculous accessories on himself and picks up weird objects. They get scolded in one of the clothing stores and have to leave red-faced.

They go into another one and wander to the back, where the scarves and hats are, and Bucky puts a pink hat on and a fur scarf. He starts playing around with the scarf and eventually, he throws its long ends around Gale's neck too.

He’s about to say something to continue flirting when Gale suddenly kisses him.

It almost misses his mouth, catching more of his chin than his lips, and there's some nose-squashing too, and Gale all but jumps away immediately, mortified

Bucky breaks into a laugh, overjoyed. He puts his palms on Gale's shoulders and leaves them there until Gale stops covering his flaming face, then he cups Gale's cheeks.

Bucky has plenty of experience kissing - he had several girlfriends, some of which had a specific agreement with him that it was only for kissing practice, so he feels pretty confident when he leans in for that second kiss. Except, Gale doesn’t open his lips to him because he wasn’t prepared for a French kiss mentally, so Bucky ends up giving a wet smooch to Gale's closed lips.

Now it's his turn to be embarrassed, and they cling to each other giggling and blushing, until they are, once again, asked to behave or leave the shop.

They're extremely awkward about saying goodbye too, especially because Georgia comes to pick Bucky up and Gale is like, "not in front of your mom!" But there’s a kiss on the cheek. They offer to take Gale home too but Gale lies about his mom picking him up later (he actually bikes all the way home).

Later that night, Bucky sends Gale a bunch of memes and tells him that they're gonna have to practice kissing and Gale texts back: "a lot..."

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

girl like you 3

Warnings: this fic will include elements, some dark, such as kidnapping, marital discord, noncon/dubcon, and other untagged triggers. Please take this into account before proceeding. It is up to curate your online consumption safely.

Summary: a fight with your husband leads to an unexpected situation.

Characters: Lee Bodecker, Jake Jensen

Author’s Note: Please feel free to leave some feedback, reblog, and jump into my asks. I’m always happy to discuss with you and riff on idea. As always, you are cherished and adored! Stay safe, be kind, and treat yourself. <3

Jake lays you down on a bed as you twitch again. Your teeth clack as your muscles continue to spasm now and then. You groan and swat at him as another swell of rage takes you. You sit up, too fast, and fall back dizzily. 

You bring your hands up to frame your forehead and steady your eyes enough to look around. What the hell is this place? A basement? More like a bunker.  

The walls are a gentle shade of peach and in the place of real windows, there’s some painted onto the plaster with curtains hung at the edges. And the bed; white metal with four posts with curls at the top. The blankets are floral and smell of freshener and the pillow cases are frilled. 

The furniture matches; every piece dainty and white, or marked with some petal or stem or the other. You take deep breaths, trying to put yourself together enough to think. This is deranged. It can’t be real. The sheriff wouldn’t do this. Or Jake. 

You sit up, head bobbling, and find Jake watching you from against the wall. He looks guilty behind the pair of thick rectangular lenses as the Sheriff gives a whistle and jingles the keys on his belt. You frown and bat your lashes. 

“What is this?” You ask. 

“Now, honey, that’s what I was tryna explain, wasn’t I?” Bodecker tuts, “but ya had to go and scream like a banshee. You’re too pretty for all that.” 

“I... what?” 

“You shouldn’t have tased her,” Jake mutters. 

“And what were you doin’? You wanted help, you got it. I didn’t it like it none either,” the sheriff retorts and steps forward. As he nears the foot of the bed, you lean back, support yourself on the heels of your hand. “Look around, nice place, isn’t it? And me and the geeky one aren’t gonna be yawlin’ at you like that blockhead I found ya with.” 

“He’s my husband--” 

“Don’t act like one, does he?” Bodecker scoffs and crosses his arms. Jake hovers behind him uncertainly, touching his fingertips together as he tries to see past the pudgier of the pair. “You know when he goes down to that bar, you know what he says about you? Old bag? Even takes his ring off--” 

“What?” You can’t help but wilt. “The bar?” 

“Suppose he don’t tell you that’s where he’s going,” he shrugs. 

You look down and slowly bend your legs, hugging them as a chill washes over you, “squash practice...” you murmur. You wondered where that came from.

“Hey, you cold? I can put the heat up,” Jake stops just behind Bodecker and you lift your chin to meet his gaze. You don’t answer. You don’t care. 

“Now, obviously, I don’t agree with that. Just look at ya. Pretty thing. Lookin’ fine and all. Well-dressed, nice hair, and you got that sweet voice--” 

“You can’t keep me here,” you insist through a quiver. 

Jake goes to the wall and unlocks a control panel. As he hits buttons, the sheriff looms, “we can do whatever we want, can’t we? You just walked out on your man. You came down to the station, called your sister, and went off... who knows what happened after that.” 

“No--” 

“Enough goin' on at the station, I could get a couple boys to corroborate,” he snickers, “you don’t need to be chattering on. We’re good men, Jakey and I. We just want a woman to treat right.” 

You scowl, “you tased me.” 

“Like I said, didn’t wanna do that but you were gonna hurt yourself worse if you kept on. One bad fall on that cement and--” he makes a popping noise and taps his head, “well, wouldn’t matter what I did to ya then.” 

Your lip trembles and you search around. You can’t get past him. He might be chubby but you’re not fast enough to get past him. Your eyes meet Jakes and you pout, “Jake. Jensen, please. Why... how can you do this? You’re a nice guy. Remember, I... I got them to leave your Green Lantern flag.” 

He smiles and shrugs, rubbing his neck before he drops his arms and he face turns sallow and sober, “I know.” 

“So, please, let me go--” 

A clang makes your skull ring and you wince as you look at the sheriff, his nightstick in hand as he leans it against the metal bed frame, “now, don’t go playin’ games. It was his idea, after all. He playing those games. You know the ones where you’re just living. Little freak had one of the lady ones in a room...” 

“Lee,” Jake sneers. 

“What? It is what it is. We got her here, no point sugar coatin’ any of it,” he pulls the nightstick back and rests it against his shoulder, “look, we don’t wanna be mean or nothin’. I see ya walkin’ around in those heels, your kiester all tight. I know that man ain’t loosen you up in a while--” 

“Disgusting--” 

“Eh, maybe a little, but not for nothing. What d’ya want, honey? A husband who can’t give ya a nice word or two husbands who wanna give ya everything?” 

“Everything?” You blink and gesture to the room, “this is a prison cell.” 

“Only if you make it one,” he says.  

Your eyes sting and your nose tingles. You really can’t believe this is real. You can’t believe you’re having this conversation. At least Jake has the grace to look guilty but the sheriff only seems more certain with each protest. 

“It is,” you insist, “Jake--” 

“Now, now, I’m talking. Not him.” 

“Argh,” you grit your teeth, “please. Think about it. This is wrong. You’re an officer. You’re supposed to protect and serve--” 

“Exactly what I’m doing,” he says nonchalantly. “I’m keepin’ ya safe,” he points the stick at the walls, “and I can serve you, sugar, in many, many ways.” 

You hug your legs again and shrink down. You’ve been arguing with one may for next to decades, you don’t have the energy; not for Brock, not for either of them. You shiver again. 

“There’s a housecoat for you,” Jake offers as he goes to the hook behind the door and the lilac robe hung there, “if you’re cold.” 

You don’t respond. You just stare at him, then the sheriff, then the wall. You unwrap your arms from around your legs and lay flat. You roll onto your side and hide your head under your arm. This isn’t real. You refuse to accept that this is real. 

“Is she okay?” Jake asks. 

“Pfft, she’s a woman. They need time to think, Jen, not like us,” Bodecker says, “she’ll be alright. 'sides, that zap probably took it out of her.” 

“Oh,” Jake lets out the single syllable. 

You hear their steps. One comes closer and you feel a weight settle over you. Jake spreads the housecoat across your body and you heave, shoulders shaking. You can’t help but cry. This is horrible. You really are just as stupid as Brock says. 

“Now, sugar, you got some time to get your head straight,” Bodecker says, “but we ain’t gonna wait forever.” 

You don’t respond. You keep your face under your arm and curl up even smaller. If you don’t look, it might just fade away. If you close your eyes, you might wake up from this nightmare. 

[kaiserposting]

Shidou Ryuusei — Taming Demons

PAIRING: Shidou Ryuusei/Reader WORD COUNT: 7.6k TYPE: Humor, Roommates, Romantic frenemies WARNING(S): Threats of violence, canon-typical football derangement, there's a cockroach (and it's not shidou 😰)

It’s on a decent day that Sae meets you and Shidou. The weather is mild without any clouds to obscure the sky, the wind is nothing more than a pleasant breeze, birds are chirping, and most importantly there are no ugly and irrelevant middle-aged men from the JFA to bother him with their whining or otherwise offend his senses.

Too bad he’s on the way to some secret deprivation tank in Ego Jinpachi’s football-themed basement to appreciate any of this.

He’d been ballsier than usual, all things considered, which is an impressive accomplishment since his default setting is audacious. Yeah, saying he wants one striker and then demanding two is a little much even for him, but he’s not going to leave a stray behind. That’d be a waste.

It’s not like Ego didn’t try to warn him, showing him actual footage to review like this was evidence he needed to present in court while making a case.

In the first clip, Rin was calling you lukewarm (there was really no context beyond this), to which you looked at him like you didn’t even know who he was and said, “Peons should only speak to me while looking at my feet, so do that or exercise your right to remain silent,” and it made Rin so incredulous that he actually didn’t respond.

Then Shidou appeared to have found this funny because he came running into view at mach speed laughing his ass off, just to shove the soles of his cleaves in Rin’s face and say, “Lick my feet, Rin-Rin!”

Predictably this turned into some kind of scuffle (to Sae’s bemusement, Rin was losing), and then you joined in because apparently Shidou was ‘copying you,’ and when you accused him of that he became super offended, and at some point the video cut off.

Fine, Sae thought. Whatever.

The second one was ominously titled ‘The_[L/n]_Disaster.wmv,’ and it was cut out from the match this whole saga revolved around. It was normal for a while until you — for no discernible reason — fell down to your knees, pulled an… unsettling expression, screamed like a banshee and said, “I’m so bored! I’m gonna die!” before stealing the ball and shooting it into your own team’s net.

Understandably the field fell into an uproar, and some of your teammates straight up threatened to kill you.

“Who the hell do you think you are???”

You sat down like a petulant child, crossed your arms even. Everyone was too busy holding back their bloodlust so as to not pummel you into the ground and get a hundred red cards to make sense of your behavior.

… Honestly? A little weird, but nothing the Itoshi Sae can’t work with.

And then there was the last video, which was also the lengthiest. Whoever edited it had too much time on their hands. It was like a full-fledged movie with a romantic subplot (between Shidou and the ball or maybe his abstract interpretations of the act of playing football), conflict (the half hour long montage of him fighting everyone, overlayed with shitty dubstep music), and even a climax (in the literary sense).

Also strange, but not enough to put off Sae. After seeing all of this, though, he wondered if Rin managed to make at least one friend, but quickly squashed the thought. Not like he cares.

The final attachment was completely innocuous, an overview of your abilities and progress in Blue Lock, and both of you had unflattering pictures in your files. Ego’s underlying question of Do you know what you’re getting yourself into? still translated.

You’re not lumps of talent or whatever. It’s more like you’re diamonds buried in a deep pit of shit that no one even wants, but at the mental image of himself digging through feces, Sae disregards the metaphor.

If Ego’s idea for an ideal striker is a raging megalomaniac, well. He sure knows how to pick them.

___

Electrocuted like an inmate in a movie running into the fence while trying to break out of jail, muzzled like some kind of idiot dog that doesn’t know not to bite people, strapped down in a fucking straitjacket, what did Shidou ever do to deserve this? Humiliated, and not in the sexy way.

To think of all of these punishments, the most cruel one is still your company.

Just watching you is exhausting him, maybe even more so because he can’t stand up and restrain your annoying ass to make you stop screaming and rolling around and kicking and hitting and whatever (all things he believes are within his right and not yours, since you’re doing them in a way that is so not fun). He swears he’s never been tired before, but right now he has no energy, and he’s not even doing anything. You have to be some special new species of leech.

That’d be kinda hot now that he thinks about it, if you’d like… attach to him and suck out his blood. But for now he needs to stay focused.

Prior to your freak-out — he’s not even sure what you’re mad about — you had to write ‘I won’t score in my own goal next time’ all over the walls because apparently ‘if you act like a child, you’ll get treated like one,’ but you gave up not even half-way through and broke the marker after declaring you’re going to kill Ego.

“I think you need to be in a straitjacket, not me,” he says with a sly grin as if this whole situation is amusing. He does share your killing Ego sentiments, though, but you’re easy to tease. Despite his fatigue from the predicament, he is still dedicated to being an irritating piece of shit.

“I wish I was!” you say.

What?

You drag your hands down your face, stretching the skin. “I’m going to gouge my eyes out!” Then there’s some more facial expressions of mental anguish before you perk up after his words properly register in your head. “Oh, you’re so worthless and perverse, but this is actually a great idea. We should switch,” you say pleasantly.

“Worthless? C’mon, didn’t you watch while I was playing?”

You undo the muzzle so he’s the slightest bit grateful to you until you say, “Meh.”

You’re being disingenuous here and one of Shidou’s principles is real recognizes real, so even this is enough to piss him off, but then again there was also the other questionable and embarrassing thing you did. “If football’s a source of life, then you’re like a miscarriage. Or an abortion.”

“What! Why?”

Wow, you are such an infuriating and confusing hypocrite. He needs to take you out on a date some time. “‘Cause the only one who should get to shoot in your goal is… me.”

Your eye twitches, face scrunching to the left like a black hole is sucking in all of your features. He looks so happy with himself that you want him to die. “Shidou Ryuusei-”

“Not the full government name!” he cries out with fake dismay.

“-if you say something like this to me again, I’m gonna dismember you.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” There is a shit-eating grin of a man who knows exactly what you’re talking about on his face. A slight blush, even, but it points towards elation, not embarrassment. “And there’s nothing in here you can do that with.”

“The room has walls.”

“Don’t saaaay things like that,” he sings. “Not when I’m all tied up like a lunatic.”

What does he mean by this?

You’re not even making progress with unhooking the straitjacket since there isn’t much wiggle room between Shidou’s back and the weird stand thing, but Ego shocks you through the bodysuit to dissuade you from any further attempts. This time, when you slip on the floor, it’s not your fault. After a few pitiful twitches, you say, “That’s it. I’m gonna die.”

???

“I was beautiful.” You pose while still on the floor. “Please make up some cool last words for me. For my tombstone.”

“You went from killing Four Eyes to killing me to then killing yourself. Amazing range,” says Shidou with a whistle, once again acting like the situation is funny.

He watches you try to break your neck by forcing it in unnatural positions using your hands for a bit until the effort proves to be anatomically impossible. Long hours lie ahead of him.

___

Sae has been eavesdropping in front of the door for at least twenty minutes to assess the situation before walking in. There’d been blood-curdling screams, heavy sounds of thrashing (apparently you were trying to run up to the ceiling and kept falling down and throwing tantrums, which Shidou, again, found hilarious, but all it gave Sae was a migraine from having to listen to the commotion), and five arguments that never concluded because you two couldn’t stay on topic. Many expletives and creative death threats flew through the air.

It occurs to him for the first time that trying to control the two most selfish strikers on the roster is ambitious. You both operate on an incomprehensible level of egotism, with you acting like your teammates are unimpressive circus acts and Shidou’s tendency to play as if he’s a sole soldier on a mission to bludgeon everyone else on the field. Small fry who don’t take gambles like this here and there, though, aren’t worth anything.

“I love watchin’ people squirm and all, but not like this. Can you do something more exciting?”

“What’s gonna be exciting is the sight of your nail beds while I rip them off one by one.”

The sound of an exaggerated yawn. “Your fake threats aren’t stirring me at all. Look at me, I’m so bored. So bored and pathetic and restrained and please, I need a more refreshing view.”

There’s one last, grander thud. “I’m done,” you declare.

… Nothing, for a bit.

“You look so cute and harmless like this. Makes me wanna squeeze your neck till your eyes pop out.”

You don’t dignify that comment with a response.

___

This latest development is detrimental to your relationship with Itoshi Sae. Not that you have any kind of relationship with him besides striking up the U-20 deal, but you’ve been dating him in your head ever since you saw him play on TV a few years ago. You’re contemplating mentally breaking up with him for good. That’s how serious of an offense you’re dealing with.

It’s like you don’t even know me, Sae, you cry, though you don’t commit to speaking it out loud. He’s not even here to hear your bitchfest, anyway, so you settle for throwing your minimalistic bag of belongings on one of the beds with as much hate as possible.

Shidou waves at you from the other side of the room like you didn’t arrive at this complex in the same car, and like you didn’t spend eight hours in the punishment room together. Your scowl is really, really ugly, wrinkling your skin. Seriously, sharing an apartment is one thing, but the same room? The same toilet? There is no one you tolerate enough in the world for this bullshit.

After sorting through your belongings and doing a good job at ignoring whatever Shidou is saying, you step out and head towards the kitchen and rummage through the fridge and the pantry. It’s a little strange that you’re no longer in Blue Lock for the time being. You can go eat at a restaurant if you want to, but you find that Sae’s team has been gracious enough to leave some supplies to last a couple of days.

Shidou trails after you like an unwanted shadow. You examine everything one last time before grabbing a protein bar and taking a seat at the table, leaving you with the view of Shidou grabbing whatever he can before he dumps it all on the counter and opens the blender. You frown in confusion. “What’re you doing?”

“Cooking,” he says in a tone which suggests he finds you stupid for not understanding that at first glance.

“You can’t put raw meat in the fucking blender.”

“Yeah, I can.” He rips two packages with different spices and dumps them in. “Look, there’s even seasoning.” And then he shoves in a cucumber and an unpeeled banana.

You lunge towards him, cradling the blender, your snack forgotten. “You’re gonna get food poisoning, moron.”

“Then how come I’ve never had it before???” Shidou tries to take a hold of it again, wrenching it out of your hands before a game of tug-of-war ensues.

There is no way he’s serious. This must be some elaborate way for him to troll you. Your struggle for the blender, however, is more intense than anyone would’ve anticipated because your palms turn sweaty, with the blender slipping out once you attempt a harder yank. Shidou almost manages to save it from its imminent fate with a swipe, but his reaction is not fast enough and it shatters on the floor.

“Look at what you did.” You gesture.

“You got in the way of my cooking! It’s your fault.”

“What the hell is wrong with you? Were you raised in a cave? A mountain? I will destroy you if I see you ‘cooking’ in my presence again.”

He rolls his eyes and mimes a blabbering mouth with his hand as if to say yap, yap, yap. You resist the urge to reach out and break at least one of his fingers.

With a huff, you stomp your way to the bathroom in search of a broom and dustpan to get rid of the glass shards, the rest of Shidou’s arguments about why a steak shake is ‘gourmet’ and ‘exotic’ falling on deaf ears. You’re also trying to think of a good place to throw away the pieces because you’re so not telling Itoshi Sae you broke his rent-a-blender.

You return to the sight of Shidou finishing up your abandoned protein bar while trying to pick up glass shards between his toes.

“Stop that. What if you hurt yourself?! Seriously, what’s your deal?” You narrow your eyes at him while he blows a raspberry at you and the realization of his thievery hits you. “Hey, spit that out.”

Shidou smiles and throws the shard — yeah, with his toes — at your shins, but you ignore the action, your pre-existing rage rendering you unresponsive. “So demanding.” He waves your protein bar, or at least what’s left of it, in the air. “Come and take it if you want it so bad.”

“I’m not playing tag like a child when the floor’s covered in glass,” you say, despite already taking a step forward, ready to assume a stance and chase him.

You do, of course, end up playing tag like a child when the floor’s covered in glass. Your protein bar falls in the toilet. When Shidou reaches to flush it, you push him out of the way, and he pushes back, and so begins a brawl, any other concerns fading in the background.

Two hours later, you shriek out a piercing scream when you take a piss and flush without thinking.

___

You wake up to weird yelling. This is atypical since you’re usually the one who causes commotion. You laze around in bed, taking it as noise from your dream, until your consciousness clears and during your first moment being awake, you swear to make whoever’s responsible for this regret it. Through bleary eyes, you observe the room, and find the bed opposite of yours empty.

You slog your way out to brush your teeth, but the racket grows louder, and you identify the source as the balcony. Without thinking, you head there to scold Shidou, abandoning your previous task.

“Cytolysis!” What the hell is he even on about? “Ooh, and arteries!” Seriously.

“Douchebag, you woke me up. Stop screaming so early or I’ll- Why are you naked?!”

“You were really talking for that long before you noticed…?”

“Cover up,” you say, disregarding his indirect call out of how much you love your own voice, to the point you stop noticing your surroundings once you get going in a spiel. “What if you get arrested for public indecency? It could ruin your life.”

“I can’t sunbathe if I’m wearing clothes,” Shidou says.

“You literally can.”

“Yeah, if I want an uneven tan.” He rolls his eyes as if you’re being unreasonable for expecting him not to randomly be in the nude. You really don’t know how maintaining a tan is more urgent than avoiding the charge you brought up, but you don’t bother questioning him any further. “Listen, you’re not ruining this for me. I haven’t been able to do my morning routine for weeks!”

“What, so you couldn’t do it in front of the others, but you can do it in front of me? I’m way too dignified for… the sight of you. Right now and in general.”

“Snobby-chan, you can’t be for real. There wasn't any sun there.”

“You really are shameless, aren’t you?”

He shrugs, looking at his nails in disinterest. “Shame is just a shackle that gets in the way of my freedom.”

Your eye twitches, and your scowling is causing some tightness in your face, primarily in your forehead. Don’t try to make it philosophical now!

“Ugh,” you say, figuring you’re way too speechless to offer anything more constructive. “Step foot in front of me like this when you’re done and I’m going to boil you in a cauldron, you hear?”

“Yeah, yeah, sure. Whatever you say, Prude-chan. Just don’t interrupt me again.”

“Call me by a nickname again and I’ll peel you with the peeler from the kitchen.”

Instead of replying, he sends you a kiss and a wink.

After some incredulous and judgmental staring, you slam the door shut, not putting much thought into the force of it. It rattles and the frame separates from the jamb, leaving it crooked and awkward. You fall to your knees on the floor and start crying — like, really bawling and torturing your throat with your wails of turmoil — and trying to shred your scalp with your nails. Shidou spares a moment from the bullshit he calls his ‘morning routine’ to laugh.

___

You emerge from your nap looking like you’ve been through the seventh circle of hell in Dante’s Inferno. It was to compensate for your early wake up. Now you stand in front of the mirror, finally brushing your teeth.

Shidou waltzes in not much later, at least wearing a shirt and shorts. He shoves you aside with the unceremonious command, “Move,” before leaning over the sink and pulling out eyeliner, trying to get in a good position.

You forget to yell at him, since you become fascinated by him when you see him put it close to his face with a look of concentration. Is he going to stab his eye out? This is so exciting.

… Shidou starts applying it over his lower lashline. You frown at the anticlimactic follow up. It’s pretty bizarre to be living with him like this, though.

Making your way around, you spit out the foam then rinse before moving on with the rest of your business. He slathers his hands in too much hair gel before beginning to work on shaping it into the ridiculous style he usually wears it in. This seems like an excruciatingly long and wasteful process.

You ask, “So you do this every day?”

“I thought ‘cause of earlier that you don’t know what a morning routine is, but are you really just gonna confirm it like that? You’re too easy.”

You almost make the mature decision to leave and do something else (maybe read a wikiHow article about how to fix doors), but Shidou proves to be too tempting of a target when he stands there, scrutinizing you with an almost feline expression as you pass by him. Twisting one of the loose strands on his head around your finger, you pull him down to eye-level, and he lets you, looking amused. “I’m gonna grab you by your stupid antennae and throw you out of the window.”

Instead of answering, Shidou backs away and flicks the one you weren’t holding. You tilt your head in confusion, not understanding what he’s doing. “My receptors are sensing bullshit.”

You scratch your chin in fake contemplation. “You know, you act kinda weird and you have this wild look going on… but deep down you’re just a lame biology nerd.”

“Me, weird?! I’m not taking that from you,” he says in mock offense.

“What?” you ask, in astonishment at his nerve to bring you up. “There’s nothing weird about me.”

Your genuine confusion is making Shidou assume you live in a parallel universe.

___

It would’ve been your third day of surviving on protein bars — Shidou keeps referring to this as ‘your fault’ because you ‘broke the blender’ (objectively it was a collaborative effort, from your perspective he is to blame) as if the blender is a cooking utensil — so you’re heading to some cheap place to eat.

“I can’t believe they’re benching us,” you say through grit teeth. The complaint serves as a distraction from your grumbling stomach.

“But the fight was pretty fun,” Shidou adds optimistically, looking extra cheerful.

Just the thought of it is making you want to shrivel up and die, but then again, there are many things which make you feel this way. “That was so embarrassing. I hope Sae didn’t see… If he did, I’ll commit seppuku during practice tomorrow.” The last statement is a promise you make with solemn seriousness.

He most definitely saw since you had a loud meltdown before you joined Shidou in attacking everyone, but instead of bringing this to your attention, he says, “Is that guy a big deal or something? You like him a lot.”

His accusation isn’t presumptuous in the slightest. The one time he got an accidental glance of your lock screen, the picture was a close-up of Itoshi Sae’s unimpressed face with a conspicuous placement of the gettyimages trademark covering a fourth of his forehead.

“What?” You raise an eyebrow. Shidou expects you to freak out again and scream in denial, but all you ask is, “Don’t you know who he is?”

He shrugs.

“He’s a genius! And really handsome, too. I love watching him play,” you swoon, caressing your cheeks. “He’s like a prince. A football prince… The best kind of prince.”

“I’ll see what he’s about during the game,” says Shidou with a grin as if he’s the professional player renowned for his skills all over the world, and Sae is some random guy. But you don’t think he’s trying to be arrogant. There’s this inane kind of excitement about him, like he hopes what you said is true because he wants to experience it.

“Hey, Shidou. What was your life like before Blue Lock?”

You can’t help being curious. Are his parents negligent or something? No sane adults would let their kid develop the habit of screaming random shit while naked every morning. You hate to admit it, but you’re concerned about him.

“No use thinkin’ about boring stuff like that.”

Makes sense he’d be a live in the moment type of person. “Yeah, you’re right. I guess dwelling on the past is pretty peasant-like.”

You smile at each other in agreement, though you’re on the same page for reasons so different, someone might wonder how you’re even managing a civil conversation.

___

“What’re you doing?” Shidou asks, resting his foot on the corner of the coffee table with his phone in hand, scrolling.

On the other end of the couch, you’re slouching and balancing a few cards from the deck you stumbled on while looking for tools to fix the door with. You’ve learned an important lesson: chisels and pry bars don’t just lie around rented apartments, waiting for someone to use them.

“I’m turning over a new leaf, so I’ve decided to rediscover patience and peace,” you say with a close-eyed smile.

The load of bullshit you uttered fuels some curiosity in Shidou, so he peeks at you over his phone case. This fake ass smile doesn’t suit you at all. You look like you don’t have a soul.

He slides closer to you inch by inch, moving his leg with himself, until he is close enough for you to see what he’s doing in your peripheral vision. Not about to let him ruin your hard work, you swat away his foot with the back of your hand, but the quick movement upsets the three pyramids and the card on top of them, sending them all toppling down.

Shidou cheers when you flip the table.

___

You’re lazing around on your bed when Shidou struts up to you with a triumphant aura. “Y’know that little problem we had? I solved it,” he announces.

You perk up, eyes shining. “You’re gonna stop screaming every morning?” You don’t even care about him being naked anymore. His ritual interrupts your sleep so often that it’s affecting your mood tracker, always starting the day off with an angry swearing red emoji.

“No, I meant the sink.”

True. You avoid making eye contact with it since it’s overflowing. In a technical sense, you know how to wash them, so it’s not incompetence that’s driving you to allow this to go on. But it’d be an act of subservience since Shidou also throws his dirty dishes in there, and you’re not going to do his chores. You will make him understand who’s the bigwig here, even if you have to eat without a plate by the end of this lesson you’re teaching him.

He continues, “You’re pretending you don’t like waking up to my angelic voice now?” Then clears his throat, not leaving you any time to reassure him you’re not faking your distaste for his idiocy.

You interrupt him and cut off the fifth tone deaf ‘la.’ “So, you finally washed them?”

“What?” Shidou asks, raising his eyebrows like your assumption is nonsensical. “I threw them off the balcony. Now there aren’t any more of ‘em to get dirty.”

He looks so proud of himself — while also clearly realizing you’re on the brink of a breakdown, if his manic grin is anything to go by — and you want to puke. Theatrically, you roll off and fall, hoping to hit your head and get a life-threatening concussion, but for better or for worse, nothing of the sort happens.

You can imagine him aiming at people with forks from above.

When you remain still for a while, Shidou nudges you like one might do to fresh roadkill with a long stick from a safe distance. “You there? Are you hibernating or something? Blink twice if you died.”

___

Your recovery lasts several hours, during which you do nothing but lie on the floor.

Once out of your stupor, you head to the kitchen to mourn your loss (not of the dishes, but for your inability to get Shidou to do them), perhaps to gaze out of the window with a wistful sadness in your eyes. It takes you a few morose steps to realize they’re there, intact. Clean. You blink.

You can be so stupid sometimes.

___

A cockroach crawls out from behind the mirror. You back away, startled by the sudden movement, not realizing what it is you’re seeing at first glance. The real horror starts when you recognize the creature in front of you and shriek in alarm. When it doesn’t produce the desired result, you cave in and yell, “Shidou!”

“D’you want toilet paper?” he asks, his tone way too casual in comparison to yours. You could be dying in here, kidnapped and tortured by the Cockroach King, and you’re convinced Shidou would not give a shit.

“No! Just come in.”

He does. With a roll under his armpit. And then he does nothing to help.

You point at the wall, your index finger accusatory. It hasn’t moved to hide yet, so at least you don’t have to be paranoid about its whereabouts.

“You just strike me as the type of person who’d tell someone to wipe your ass,” he says irrelevantly.

“Kill it!!!” You’re glossing over his apparent willingness to do just that. But your anger dissolves into panic when your imagination comes up with all sorts of alternatives that have you clutching your scalp. It could give birth. Maybe you’d have to be the godparents, babysitting every Saturday.

“Pretentious-chan is not so big and bad anymore.” Shidou pouts, as if disappointed, then grabs it with his bare hand and examines it, making a big deal out of doing so, squinting his eye while widening the other. The insect is squirming in his hold.

“Bro, get rid of it! What if it escapes?!”

He takes a step forward, beaming at you, which you read as a warning sign preceding sinister intentions. Though you want to back away, you’re already standing by the sink, the front digging deeper into your skin. You think to reach out and push him away, but it puts you at risk of coming in contact with it if he lets it loose on accident… or on purpose.

Very slowly, he brings it closer and closer to your face. Your chin is retracting into your neck while you lean back to the best of your ability, and it’s straining your muscles, making you clench your teeth out of both fear and disgust.

“The others call me a cockroach,” Shidou says. “Are we twinning?”

“Stop.”

“C’mon, do we look alike?” He has the audacity to smile, looking all innocent.

One of the antennas almost brushes against your nose. Your brows pinch together, and you’re reaching levels of facial tension you haven’t experienced before, which is impressive considering how many mood swings you flip through on a daily basis.

“Dude, get it away from me,” you beg, borderline crying.

It seems to click in Shidou’s head that this is more serious than your usual tantrums, and he hates to think he’s made you upset on a substantial level, scrambling to crush the roach and flush it away.

You relax from your ‘afraid turtle’ position, straightening your posture to glare at him. Shidou looks at you like a kicked puppy. Even though he knows you don’t have mercy for excuses — valid or invalid — he takes a crack at the worst one. “It was a joke.”

If looks could kill.

“I’m sorry.”

His mumbling is quite pathetic and therefore almost unable to reach your ears (this phrase isn’t really a part of his vocabulary, so it comes out like a foreign tongue twister), but after you make sense of what he said, your lips settle into a phony smile.

“I think it’s unfair the others call you an insect,” you say. “I mean, they’re animals, but you make the conscious decision to be a piece of shit.”

“I’m sooooorry,” he says, this time with more confidence, and tries to catch you in a hug. As if.

“Wash your hands, freak.”

“Oh, right. I almost forgot about touching it already. Oops!”

You massage the bridge of your nose. He’s hopeless.

___

This noon, Shidou is preparing you a salad. You guess it’s a bit lacking, but you only have the tomatoes and the cucumbers and a block of cheese left. You’ve mostly been ignoring him since yesterday and he took matters into his own hands when he realized you were willing to starve over this. The protein bars ran out too, which is a shame since you love throwing them in as a side dish to your cooking.

Shidou liked the spaghetti. There wasn’t any sauce, so he suggested you grate protein bars over it, and you almost vomited after you tasted it. But at least one of you was happy.

You glance at him, mulling over whether you should continue being mad or not. Your wrath doesn’t seem effective on him, so you might need to switch strategies. Though you abandon the train of thought once you see how he’s gripping the knife like a toddler, cutting the vegetables and humming some annoying tune, so you rise from your seat and approach him. “You’re gonna hack your fingers off.”

“Huh?”

“I’ll show you.” You make a ‘gimme that’ gesture and hope it translates well enough.

Instead of passing it over, a gleeful expression takes over his face, and the sight of it disturbs you, since this is how you know he’s about to do something stupid. Your hunch proves correct when Shidou wraps his arms around your waist and lifts you in the air, looking up at you like you hung the moon or some shit, full of wonder. Usually, you’d appreciate people showing you due respect, but you have other concerns right now.

“The knife’s still in your hands, you fucking idiot,” you screech, squeezing his shoulder in alarm. What if he stabs you in the back, on some Julius Caesar shit?

“You’re so mean, but you still worry about me the most out of everyone,” he says, all but shoving his head against your neck, his nose poking your collarbone.

“RELEASE ME.”

You fall on your ass when he does. Shidou’s smile does not slip at the sound of you grunting in pain.

“You’re dangerous,” you say.

“For your heart, I’m assuming.”

“Yeah. I have high blood pressure, so.”

“Oh,” he says.

You pat yourself to brush off imaginary dust and make a big stink out of it, with downturned lips and aggressive motions. Then you ask, “Were you for real?”

“I’m pretty straight-forward,” he tells you as if it suffices.

Again, you hate to admit it, but you feel bad for him, if he perceives you as the one who cares about him the most. After all, you’re not all that kind to him.

___

“Are you awake?” Shidou asks the night before the match.

“No,” you say, continuing to scroll through your phone.

“Ok, listen. Do we share equal power in the relationship?”

“What?”

“Do we: A. work as a team or D. you get angry when I try to make decisions without you???”

“First of all,” you frown, “what the hell are you talking about? Second of all, why are you going from option A straight to option D?! It’s upsetting my balance.”

“I’m trying to see if you’re toxic, so I’m taking this relationship quiz,” he says before pressing something.

There might be some sensitive sort of nerve in your temple which is jumping out right now. “I’m not your lover.”

“Yeah, I know,” Shidou agrees while continuing to do whatever he is doing, not even bothering to conceal it. “I just wanna see.” Then, after more tapping, he lets out a performative gasp. “The quiz is saying you’re a red flag!”

“Shut up.” You throw your pillow at him, though they don’t spend much time together since he flings it back almost immediately. “You are, too.”

“Is it meant to be…?”

“Good night.”

“I thought you were already sleeping,” he lies with a facetious smile on his face. “Red flag, red flag!”

___

Shidou almost breaks out into a sprint, but you pull him back with a handful of his jersey, almost tripping him. “Let’s make a more nonchalant entrance,” you say, even if you don’t need to go out together.

“Huh, why? I wanna go out and play already,” he says, seemingly annoyed, though he does slow down to match your pace, shoving his hands in the sides of his pants from the lack of pockets.

You ignore the action and reply, “Well, I belong on the field and it’s natural I’ll be showing up, so there’s no reason to be too excited about it.”

“What a load of bullshit,” Shidou says, amused. “Are you any good when you’re shooting in the opponent’s net?”

“Guess you need to give me a good show. Otherwise, I start misbehaving when I’m bored.”

“You don’t need to worry about that at all!” Shidou swings an arm around your shoulder with a grin which seems a bit too elated. “Just keep your eyes on me and I’ll get you all excited.”

You’re about to retort with something about how you really doubt it, but grow preoccupied with blowing a kiss at the audience who doesn’t even know who you are. In this moment, Shidou realizes you’re some momentous kind of knobhead. It’s rare he’s the voice of reason, but you’ve given him a few opportunities to act as such the last few weeks.

___

Though Shidou already scored once, you’ve been stuck on defense the whole time, or getting marked by that pesky guy Isagi. You grit your teeth. He’s trying to piss you the fuck off and you know it. He wants you to lose your marbles so you become a liability.

If you have to be honest, you always think of everyone else on the field as an obstacle, even your teammates. You cannot name a point in time when this hasn’t been the case. In high school, you had the best scoring ability on your team, but messed up a lot and couldn’t synergize with the rest of them, and you’d get benched more often than not. And it always drove you crazy how your replacement couldn’t play to save his life, but somehow he was preferable.

Hell, you don’t even like playing most times. Your skin is always itching, giving you this familiar feeling that you’re about to burst into a pile of angry, gory entrails. Everyone else always calls these episodes tantrums or… or other synonymous words, you’re not good with words, but to you, it really feels like Armageddon when you get upset.

You mostly had fun practicing by yourself, kicking the ball on and on, running down the river for hours. It was liberating in a way, with no incompetent midfielder to tell you where you can and can’t shoot from, or missing the spot you’re trying to go for because your plans don’t match, or everyone telling you that you don’t fit in, or any people at all. It’s one big pain in the ass, playing football, but you’re so obsessed with it.

Shidou’s second goal snaps you out of this mulling you were doing. You blink in begrudging amazement. It’s like he took flight, or ascended, or something else dramatic of that nature.

The desire to score and steal the attention from him overwhelms you.

You don’t have to be the one who’s dancing out of sync anymore, if everyone’s going in your tempo. If Itoshi Sae doesn’t mind passing to these bad, bad spots you love so much, you can move freely just like Shidou.

When the ball goes back in play, you stay back and observe for a moment, before diagonally sprinting across the field.

“Hi,” you greet Sendou, before swiping it away from him and kicking it overhead all the way back to your side’s penalty area.

He stares at you in a mix of incredulity and irritation. “We’re on the same team!”

“Aces who can’t score don’t get to question me, okay?”

“You-”

But you’re already running again, continuing the zigzag pattern.

Aiku — who miraculously secures the ball and passes to Sae after your movements put everyone else on the field in disarray — hollers in half amusement, “Where the hell do you think you’re shooting?”

All this stupid fucking noise. ‘Winning’ and ‘losing,’ ‘heroes’ and ‘villains,’ ‘sensible’ and ‘irrational,’ everyone else always lets these plebeian concepts constrain them. Is it such a crime you don’t want to let anyone chain you down?

Sae passes the ball with you back and forth while you cut across the pitch, closing in, confusing and slipping past the defenders with your flitting and nonsensical dribbling. Karasu tries to intercept you, so you kick the ball to Shidou on the opposite wing with Reo breathing down his neck.

He has no choice, but to kick it a few paces ahead of you, where you arrive after shaking off Karasu by jumping around him during the shoulder-to-shoulder tackle.

“Ya move like a dumbass.”

“It’s really not fair when I have to give it back to you,” Shidou joins in on the yelling. By the expression he’s making, you can’t tell if he’s angry or excited. “Tease!”

You’re approaching the goal line, with Blue Lock’s side focusing on blocking you and limiting Sae’s courses. Oh, you can tell he’s gonna give you a really nasty one, so you can’t help but pass it back to him, hoping he can assist you in brute forcing your way through the rabble. Everyone is more or less floundering all the way to the left, drawn to your madness.

It’s kind of sadistic when he has you scrambling for the ball right in the middle of all this mess — unidentified limbs and bodies reaching for it at the same time. You jump and mime a kicking motion before trapping it, lobbing it over your head, then twisting your body in mid-air, viciously striking it into the net with your nondominant foot, right through the clear path where no one is guarding.

“A crazy feint in mid-air?! Against all logic, U-20’s [L/n] [Y/n] secures the goal!”

You land on your back with your legs shooting up in the air. You see Isagi hovering near Shidou, who was wide open. He must’ve been predicting you to give it up. He was reacting to you?

The audience is screaming my name… But right now, I’m just kind of happy to be playing with everyone.

Huh. It’s kind of like you’re practicing by the river again.

___

Sae knows you don’t need much provocation to blow a fuse.

What he doesn’t expect is for you to also be very easy to please.

He also feels like a really big, smelly, juicy slab of meat with two hyenas breathing down his neck, what with Shidou jumping on his back and babbling about something and you taking his hands in yours before kneeling and proclaiming, “Please marry me.”

What the hell?

He wretches his fingers out of your hold, leaving you in the same position since you’re apparently too delusional to stop, huge smile on your face and all despite the rejection. Then he throws Shidou to the ground.

The phone number would cost three points. Sae isn’t sure how much matrimony is worth.

Shidou averts his interest to you, leaving Sae as the witness to whatever embarrassment is about to occur. He grabs you and forces you to stand up.

“Your explosion was the freakiest I’ve seen yet. Ka-boom!”

Is this supposed to be a compliment?

“Are you kidding me, your goal before that got me all fired up.”

Wow, and you, by all accounts a big-headed prick, are returning the kind(?) words.

“Pretty fun, isn’t it?” asks Shidou. “I’m having a blast.”

“I’m so happy and free of restraints, it’s like I’m on acid. No, something stronger. Ecstasy! DMT! PCP! Meth! Feeling this good should be against the rules! They should suspend me for doping!”

“You get me,” Shidou says in astonishment, parting his mouth in surprise. “You totally get me! It’s not something that makes sense! It’s a sensation! A state of existence! Let’s stay in symbiosis forever!”

What the fuck is going on.

You intertwine your fingers with his and proceed to dance by spinning around each other in a circle like some freaks. Sae steps out of earshot inch by inch, fleeing the scene.

___

You’re gathering your things from the apartment since you and Shidou need to leave tonight. You spent two hours trying to DIY fix the balcony door again, but the endeavor was unproductive. For him, the most time-consuming task was retrieving all his products from the bathroom.

“You know, you’re so much fun when you’re in a good mood,” Shidou says, probably still thinking about the match, even though your team didn’t end up winning.

“Hey, Shidou. Do you remember that weird thing you said?”

“What thing?”

God, of course he doesn’t register the shit he spews as abnormal. You roll your eyes. “‘Let’s stay in symbiosis forever.’ Did you mean it?”

“I already told your demented ass I’m pretty straight-forward. I don’t say things just to say them! Get it through your head. Lip service is lame.” You frown and let out a noncommittal hum in response, which makes Shidou nudge you then poke you in the face until you respond. “What’s the matter? You’re not hitting me or screaming, so must be something bad.”

“I’m… I’m alone a lot, and I mean alone, not lonely, don’t get it twisted, so this is a big promise. We’ll have to make a blood pact over it if you’re serious.”

“Hm? Okay.”

“What, really? Just like that?”

“Make it the promise of a lifetime,” he sings, before wrapping an arm around your waist and pulling you closer so you’re standing cheek-to-cheek. “You drive my love cells wild.”

The stare you scrutinize him with is one of abject horror.

“Come on, say something.” He starts poking you — this time in the ribs — when you don’t respond for a long time, but his grin settles into a thin line as if he’s possibly afraid he might’ve put you off.

You elbow him in the stomach, which distracts him from the jabbing he was doing, and then your demeanor switches entirely because you smile, point up your index finger and declare, “You know what? I like how enthusiastic you are about me. Let’s get married.”

Shidou bursts out laughing and this is apparently amusing enough for him to forget the way you shoved him back. “You’re kinda intense.”

“Me? Intense? And you aren’t?”

“Nah, I’m pretty chill.”

How you’re both this self-unaware, no one will ever know.

___

y/n to sae: Me and my boyfriend saw u from across the bar and we really like your vibe

[mispossessive]

HELLO! may I request a elysia x reader :3 I LOVE HER SO SO MUCH OSMDHSJS okay

reader and elysia baking cookies together pls or reader bakes cookies for her and surprises her with them

-> cookie baking

synopsis -> you and your girlfriend, elysia, bake cookies together!!!

a/n -> I LOVE ELY TOO AHHH i lkke squealed when i saw this request shes so cute i love her so bad

warnings -> none! pure fluff :)

w/c -> 645

knowing your girlfriend, elysia, ideas like this were so common! so you took no surprise to her skipping into the living room and flopping down on the couch, kicking her shoes off and cuddling into your warm body.

“hiii~” she mused, smiling up at you. “i have a fun idea, hear me out.”

you listened as she spoke about how aponia and griseo baked cookies together that morning, on the behalf of griseos request. she saw and she thought it was cute, and now she wants to do the same thing with you, too. 

you nodded, before lightly pushing her off of you and getting up to check and make sure you have the right ingredients. 

you didn’t.

so, that made for an eventful late night shopping trip with elysia! you came in needing flower and chocolate chips. you both knew that. you both repeated it to yourselves with each other over 40 times, at least.

you spent over 100 dollars and have a cartful of grocery bags. whoopsies! 

but it’s okay, you got to go out with your girlfriend. she made it fun anyways. but back onto the point!

you two immediately went to work in the kitchen, with elysia telling you the ingredients and you mixing them together. your ipad was filled with flour, due to elysia wanting to make the dry mixture but accidentally spilling a whole thing of flour everywhere. you laughed at the sight, making her laugh too.

there was also another accident in the kitchen, where you both “accidentally” put a whole entire bag of chocolate chips into the mixture (where you later on regret it), leading to even more laughter.

she tried to initiate a flour fight a couple times, but you didn’t necessarily feel like cleaning even more of a mess up tonight. she understood, so she just bounced around the kitchen, bringing you all the ingredients you needed. 

thats when she brought out heart and flower shaped cookie cutters! when she laid them down on the counter, you swore you could see her eyes glimmer with happiness. you smiled, feeling incredible that you could bring such a heartwarming experience to your gorgeous girlfriend. 

“alrighty, into the oven they go!” she laughed a little, before putting pink oven mitts on her hands and sliding the cookie pan onto the top rack. “these look sooooo yum. i hope they turn out alright…” 

you pat her back, and she grins. “they’ll be fine, i just hope all that chocolate poured into them wont do too much harm. these are gonna be really sweet, but if they don’t turn out right, we can always make another batch.”

she nodded. “and we could relive this night all over again. this was a lot of fun, y’know.”

“you’re right, it was,” you chuckled, before turning around and looking at the mess awaiting. “but if we don’t clean this mess up soon, we’re gonna get a bug problem. i don’t think either of us could even fathom finding bugs all the time.”

“ew, i don’t even want to think about that,” elysia makes a disgusted face before turning around and wetting a washcloth. “bugs are so nasty, you’re gonna be the one squashing them if they find their way in here!”

you laughed, cleaning up your mess before taking a seat on the couch with a glass of cool red wine in your hand, elysia following you. 

“how many more minutes until the cookies are done, did you check?” you look over at her, watching her pacewalk over to the oven. 

“we can take them out now!” she calls, putting back on the oven mitts and sliding the cookie pan out of the oven.

when they cool off, you two turn on your show of choice, eating your heart shaped cookies. the chocolate was too much, but its the experience that counts, right?

[metaladam]

Adam walked out of the brothel room with Bee, out of breath, his neck covered in hickeys. Breathing heavily he'd put his helmit on and made his way to the microphone, lifting it up and causing a loud feedback blare to echo across the ball room.

" Oh shit, that sucked, here let me figure this out. *panting* give me uh *panting* like 30 seconds. Oh boy....*panting* whoooof."

He'd spend the next several seconds gulping down multiple bottles of water, the sound of it going right into the microphone. After panting a bit more he'd begin once again.

" Sorry about that. I just had a good lay, bro. I tell you what, I used to hate furries, I'd call um the scum of the earth, some real degenerate losers and shit. But man, after shoving my cock into Bee's sizzling wolf pussy for an hour I think I am about to take it all back. Seriously, there was steam coming out of that thing."

He'd take another long break to drink a few more bottles of water.

" Anyway, looks like everyone's having fun! Lucifer! ( @themosthatedbeingg) Hey bitch! Looks like some big wigs have been hanging around our girl ( @infernal-feminae!) I bet she'll be layin' some pipe real soon! All good though brother, we can gossip about her together! I'll tell you about my heartache, you can tell me what the inside of Lilith's asshole feels like! I know she let you, brother, just the look and smell of your kid ( @chasingrainbcws ) tell's me she's an ass baby!

Anyway Lucifer is not alone though! We got God's little vice regent right here! Michael! ( @cast-you-dxwn) and his smokin' hot date he can't keep his hands off of ( @deifuriae)! Man oh man are those two in love! I gotta tell you Michael! With how much you are obsessed with her its shocking as fuck none of her kids are yours!

But yeah, the ball has been pretty cool so far! I got laid! Satan is probably gonna get laid and traumatize one or two people, if he does not get into a fist fight with Mikey the cuck over there! But there are some bigger things going on then just this ball! We all know Hells has its problems! You know what problems they won't have in a decade? The elderly and the disabled! CAUSE WE ARE JUST GONNA KILL UM!"

He'd shout and wait for what he thought would be a huge bout of laughter. When he heard only silence he just did it again. Jumping in the air this time and throwing his hand in the air as a signal.

" CAUSE WE ARE JUST GONNA KILL UM!"

Nothing, just random crickets somewhere.

" Fuck, tough crowed. Anyway though Hell is not the only place that's fucked up! Come 2025 us angels are gonna play more active role on Earth! What is the number one problem for humans? War and poverty! STOP IT! JUST STOP IT! You know how we are gonna stop it babes? What do humans fight over? FOOD! Who handles food? FARMERS! Where is most of the land on Earth?"

He'd wait for a moment for someone to speak up, when no one did he'd answer his own question.

" UNDER WATER BITCH! That's right we are gonna teach humans to perform agriculture under the ocean! YOU EVER HAVE A SEA BEAN, SOME SEA SQUASH, SEA PUMPKINS, SOME MOTHER FUCKING SEA SALAD YOU FUCKING CUNTS?! WELL ITS COMIN! ITS COMIN NEXT YEAR JUST LIKE I DID A FEW MINUTES AGO!

Of course we all know food is not the only problems humans have, what with social media and all the shit going on that people like Vox have brought down to Hell with um! its getting bad bro, they are sexualizing chicks, and its getting to the point where even I have a problem with it!

But yeah! We are looking at some exciting new times in Heaven, we got a new milking industry going on! Angels like milk, I like milk! I like titty milk, and that's what we are gonna harness! I am talking getting the hottest babes and milking them bro, selling that shit out on the market! Angel titty milk coming this year! No one steal my idea! I fucking thought of it first!

I'm a big thinker everyone! I am an artist! A big brained philosopher! but you don't need to be a big brained and big dicked chad like me to get shit done! Pat yourself on the backs kids, you are the future!"

"AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

*drops the mic*

@qveenofgluttony

[alyheartsjess]

ok so since people didn’t cut my head off for my unpopular opinions i’m gonna expand on the second one. so for people in the gilmore girls fandom it’s pretty much the general opinion that luke is a saint for taking jess in and that jess screwed things up and that it’s his fault luke kicked him out. ”he got himself kicked out”. even people who like jess seem to think this is fair. so as someone who watches gilmore girls mostly for jess i have a different perspective that i’ve never actually vocalized but i figured maybe this little corner of the internet wouldn’t hate me for this, as long as it doesn’t make it out of here.

so i also first of all think that the fact that jess has to work at luke’s and graduate in order to stay there is a bit sad. like everyone around him his age has somewhere they can stay without conditions, and people wonder why he’s the only one worried about making money. and yes, it’s a fine idea in theory, he has to change his ways if he wants to stay with luke bc that’s the point of him being there, sure, but luke could stand to NOT always bring it up to jess during fights that can’t stay with him if he violates the conditions.

bc the thing is that luke very clearly makes it known that he doesn’t want jess there and that the whole situation is kind of a pain in his ass that he’s doing out of obligation. a minor is entitled to a place to stay where they can be an asshole unconditionally, actually, and they shouldn’t have to be constantly grateful to have that. and if luke didn’t want to fully commit and be that place, he should have said no to taking jess in. you don’t get to get all the praise for doing a good deed and then get all pissy about actually following through with it.

like i know luke and jess aren’t the main characters and that their scenes and dynamic are for comedy. but then they play off jess leaving as serious so i should be allowed to analyze their scenes seriously. and my conclusion is… luke is not that nice to jess LOL. like i can’t think of a single scene where he responds to him in any other manner than pissed off or annoyed. he never stops treating him like a bad kid. we know luke cares about jess but does jess have any reason to believe that? or does he think this is all for liz? like i know their scenes are jokes but for someone who complains so much about what a difficult person jess is to connect with, i think luke missed a lot of moments to do it.

luke taking jess in in general is nice, YES, but i’m not talking about just good intentions here. and i know that it was a very good intention but i, again, just super dislike the whole ”you wouldn’t have anywhere to stay if it wasn’t for me, so watch it”-attitude. even in season 4 luke basically said that jess had to come to liz’ wedding because he was there for him when no one else was. and i think that’s a shitty thing to say to someone who deserved more. i know luke didn’t have to do it bc he’s not his parent and that’s why people forgive him and not liz, who is his parent and did have to do it. but i think luke agreed to be jess’ parent and if he didn’t want to, he could have said no to his sister for once in his life. anyways, i think i’ve made my point.

also, i love you luke, my world just revolves around your nephew. i know i’m putting a lot of unrealistic expectations on a guy who’s pretty emotionally constipated. and he did come through with the big things, like giving jess money in sesson 4. but i’m talking about the little things that could have made even more of a difference. just don’t get it twisted ok, luke and jess’ relationship is my fave on the show, i may like it even more than rory and jess’, but when i enjoy something i analyze it. so don’t think i don’t love them, because i do! i just want to squash the idea that luke did everything he could but that jess ultimately was too difficult, because i disagree with that.

[cookieswithay]

🤖"Reign of Donnie 0!"💜 Part dos, the conclusion!

🔨Donnie x female reader🧪

°○°•●•°○°•●•°○°•●•°○°•●•°○°•●•°○°

Hey peoples. Thank you all for waiting so long. Please enjoy this big conclusion. And once again, because everyone's adulting, there is a smidge of suggestive talk. Only a smidge, though! Pt 1

°○°•●•°○°•●•°○°•●•°○°•●•°○°•●•°○°

• Day 25

• "Donnie, c'mon!"

• "Mr. Murakami gonna make us pizza themed ramen!"

• Raph called from outside. Donnie sighed. He couldn't think about pizza delicacies right now. Why do you want him to snuff out smaller threats!? Of course, it's a good idea but... He thought you wanted him home. He wants to be back at home with you.

• "D?"

• The oldest walked into his part of the tank. (A perfect replica of his lab)

• "Why the long face? We're going home in a few days."

• Donnie sighed dramatically and slammed his face on his desk.

• "Oh-ho, I know that sound of anguish."

• Leo's in on the convo now.

• "Someone's having trouble with the future missis."

• His twin grumbled. He's...right. Donnie lifted up his phone to show the voicemail.

• "She...thinks we should stay longer to squash anymore threats."

• The brothers looked at each other.

• "That's it?"

• They said. The softshell gasped.

• "That's it!?"

• He shot up from his rolly chair.

• "She is my peanut butter and I am her jelly, existing without each other isn't something we enjoy."

• "So her throwing away the golden opportunity to reunite, is hurting my feelings!"

• Quietness. Now supes embarrassed, he sighs and melts back into his seat. (Y'know like Spinel did.) Raph looked around and put his hand on younger brother's head.

• "Okay...good job on spilling your guts, buddy."

• Donnie tucked into his knees.

• "Aww, cheer up. It'll only be a few more days."

• "We can catch the other baddies then."

• Raph said, attempting to lighten the mood. But, all it was doing was giving D a headache. Literally, Raph's hand is heavy. Leo scoffed.

• "Uh, how? It took us months just to pinpoint these guys."

• "They're probably PLENTY more evil organizations in this country."

• Leo got shoved into a nearby shelf.

• "Leo, we're trying to make him feel better."

• The oldest snapped. The blue twin muttered 'I'm just being saying.' as he got up. That gave Raph a lightbulb.

• "I got it!"

• "Let's take over Japan!"

• The twins looked at each other.

• "Huh?"

• Day 27

• You laid on the couch, staring at your phone. Meanwhile, Donnie 0 was vacuuming the floor with said couch over his shoulder. (Super strength was one of his many abilities.) You sighed. Why hasn't Donnie called you back yet? He always does, even if he's getting his arms twisted back. He hasn't responded to any of the memes you sent either. Is he over cats stuffed in shoes now?

• "Y/N."

• You looked down at your bot.

• "This task is complete."

• You gave him a little nod and looked back at your phone. You sent your live Donnie another message.

• Thinking about you 🥺

• You sighed. Is he hurt or something? Captured!? If he is, your taking the FIRST plane to Japan-

• Suddenly, the couch fell down. Making you shriek.

• "Apologies, my sweet,"

• Donnie 0 said, while looking over his limbs.

• "My arm joint got stuck."

• You laughed weakly.

• "No prob, Bob."

• He bent down and poked your nose.

• "I'm Donnie, you."

• He snickered. You smiled a little and looked down.

• "Something bothering you, Y/N?"

• You poked your lip out.

• "Uh-huh, my man's not answering me."

• The mention of the og Donnie, made the robot frown. But, he quickly wiped it off his face.

• "I think my is phone broken."

• You mumbled. That gave him an idea. A bad idea. He cleared his throat and imitated his creator's "triumphant" laugh.

• "Never fear, Y/N,"

• He stood up.

• "Your world's greatest robot is here."

• "I'll fix your phone."

• You blinked and stood up.

• "That's okay, I can just go to the Ephone store-."

• Before you could finish your sentence, you were dipped down. A robotic yet fleshy arm, secured your waist.

• "Please,"

• His hand clasped over your phoned one.

• "I insist."

• Your face nearly lit on fire. Laughing nervously, you squirmed away from the pose. (Falling on the floor.)

• "Okay, okay. Do whatever you need to do."

• You said, letting your device go. Mission successful, the robotic doppelganger thought. Teasing you has gotten significantly easier.

• "Well gtg, Donnie 0. I got a new anime with my name on it."

• "Bye, wifey."

• He replied smoothly. You smiled and walked into your room. But not before you said something that made his wires burn.

• "You're just like my Donatello."

• He wish that didn't URK him so badly. He is his own turtle! And he wishes you'd see him as such ! But, BUT, that's fine for now. Your falling in love thee update is still downloading. All he has to do is keep pushing and that beautiful, beating heart of yours will be his...

• Day 31 (Day before the departure)

• Your fiancee sighed as he put on his jacket. (Dark purple with a black dog on the back. It's part of a suit combo) You're still not answering. He even asked Donnie 0 to check your devices and he said they were working fine. Maybe you got a new phone? But, then why didn't you give him your new number-?

• "Donnie, Donnie!"

• D woke up from his trance. Mikey was shaking his shoulder.

• "Huh, what?"

• All his brothers were looking at 'im, their faces contorted with worry.

• "Turn off your blowtorch, Donnie."

• Raph said, with a 'calm down' motion (Also sporting a flashy dog suit🐶 His is red, of course.)

• "We're heading home tomorrow,."

• Donnie tugged his tie, anxiously.

• "And if this plan doesn't work!?"

• "Um..."

• (It's getting harder and harder to reassure this dude.)

• "We pack up and go home!"

• Leo said while swinging his sword over his shoulder. His twin looked astonished. Raph frowned.

• "No."

• He turned back to his brother in purple.

• "Don't even worry, D. This mission will go well, so stop thinking about losing so much."

• The scientist sighed and nodded. Everything's gonna be a-okay. Namaste.

• "Sheldon, turn on some of Donnie's calm jams."

• Mikey said with a smile. Suddenly, something rung in his brain. Sheldon...Shell...

• "Shelly!"

• Donnie shouted. 'Huh?' His brothers said in unison. He didn't have time to explain anything to them, he finally has a way to contact you! He grabbed Sheldon.

• (Who looked distraught and miffed about it.)

• "Sheldon, contact Shelly."

• The little robot perked up.

• "Shelly? You got it bro!"

• The softshell sighed of relief. Shelly (Sheldon's girlfriend) is your back up device that is made for emergency contacts. ANYTHING can get through to them. Though Donnie doesn't has time to have a long, wonderful chat with you, he can still leave a heartfelt message. He cleared his throat. The signal connects. He's on air.

• "Greetings my darling, I'm SO glad I finally got through. Miss me? Of course you did. Hope you it wasn't too much and..."

• He paused. Feelings rushed into his mouth.

• "I really love you and I can't wait to see you tomorrow. We gotta overthrow the Fujioka clan now, but...let's have a sleepover tomorrow, okay? We'll do whatever you want, anything...Bye, Y/N."

• Right before he signed off he remembered something he had to say. He smiled, showing off his very pearly whites.

• "Like my suit?

• Day 32 (The showdown.)

• "So you finally got in contact with him, huh?"

• April said, biting into a cookie. Right now, you and April ooo'neil are having a sleepover. Since you were feeling MAD lonely, you asked if she could spend some time with you. (April's usually busy trying to seal a business deal with her husband.) But, you finally got a message from your soon to be hubby! From your Shelly.

• "Yeah, apparently his phone was tripping out too."

• You replied, snagging a cookie yourself. She raised an eyebrow.

• "Donnie's phone was messing up?"

• You nodded. That's...weird. Like, really weird. She pointed to your closed door.

• "Did Donnie 0 fix your phone?"

• You laid back on your bed.

• "I dunno, he hasn't returned it yet."

• "Y/N, can you go to the store and grab some more sodas. We're all out."

• You answered while rubbing the head of the girl Sheldon. April frowns. That's it. Something's wrong. She thought quietly as you continued to talk about the message you got. Something just doesn't feel right. Donnie 0 is usually pleasant to her but he always looked at you kinda strangely...

• Omg.

• You frowned.

• "Why do I have to get 'em?"

• She scoffed.

• "You're the host."

• She retorted with crossed arms. You grumbled and hopped up and opened the door.

• "If you need anything, just ask my Donnie bot."

• She gave you a thumbs up and watched as you left. The moment you shut the door, she grabbed her phone. She has to call Donnie. She knows why you guys couldn't get in contact. And...there was no reception.

• "Dangit."

• She groaned. Wait a minute, Shelly! April picked up the robot and tapped away. Hopefully, the turtles are already on their way home.

• "Donnie, I know why you couldn't contact Y/N. Donnie 0 is in lo-"

• "Ahem."

• She froze. There he was, in the doorway

• "Donnie 0 is what?"

• He said with a his trademark smile. April said nothing, only narrowing her eyes. She has to play her cards right. This is a powerful Ai and it has feelings for her best friend. This could get ugly very fast. He took a step closer.

• "April,"

• He said calmly.

• "Put the robot the down and you can continue to have a peaceful evening, okay."

• She gripped it tightly. What should she do? She doesn't know if the boys are on there way or what Donnie 0's capable off. She could escape through the window but...she can't just leave you with this thing.

• "April, give me Shelly."

• The robot repeated, extending his hand. His purple pupils are starting glow. She's running out of time.

• "If you want her,"

• April said slowly.

• "Go get her!"

• She chucked the priceless invention out the window. Not able to resist the Donnie-ness flowing through him, he lunged for it.

• "Shelly!"

• April took that chance and dashed towards the front door. She'll pick you up and take you the airport and the boys will handle this crazy bucket of bolts-

• "Get back here!"

• A loud, distorted voice shouted. A long, metal claw wrapped around her, dragging her back to Donnie 0. He chuckled lowly.

• (Doing the tsk tsk tsk.)

• "It's such a shame I have to delete you April,"

• He said, tightening the grip.

• "I liked being your friend."

• She groans. Her bones...are gonna break!!! Suddenly, a orange ball crashed through the window. It hit Donnie 0 right in the jaw, nearly denting him. He yelped and dropped April. He looked around, ready to tear apart source.

• "Hey!"

• They both looked over at the front door.

• "Back away from our best girl, Robot Donnie."

• It was Mikey! And the rest of them. (Thank goodness) Donnie stepped up.

• "So,"

• He crossed his arms.

• "My greatest creation has gone insane."

• "WHY am I getting deja vu?"

• (Sheldon raised his wing to say something, but Mikey stopped him.)

• Donnie 0 laughed. Finally, he gonna let his true feelings free.

• "Oh poor, deluded, DUMB, Donatello."

• He chuckled. (Unintentionally crossing his arms like his creator.)

• "I'm not the insane one here."

• "You are."

• The softshell's eyes narrowed, but he didn't say anything.

• "Do you really think Y/N is always gonna wait around for you?"

• "You don't, do you? That's why I'm here. A remnant of you so she doesn't look elsewhere."

• His pupils burned a piercing purple.

• "But, your plan backfired. I imprinted. And now, I wanna take your place."

• "So be a good ex fiancee and make yourself scarce."

• All the brothers (and April) looked at D. Was he just gonna take that? The actual Donatello chuckled.

• (Not Haha, funny. Haha, you're dead.)

• "Phew, um, I have alot of choice words for you but,"

• He pressed a button on his Techbo, turning it into a double sided, light saber. (One of its many upgrades.)

• "Unlike you, I'll spare you the chit chat. And skip to the robot breaking."

• Everyone readied their weapons. And from lack of her mystic bat, April grabbed a rolling pin!

• "Haha! What now, Robo?"

• Mikey asked/laughed.

• "You got 4 angry, car lagged turtles AND a businesswoman on your back."

• "You're toast!"

• Donnie 0 chuckled, his shoulders bouncing. That's not a good sign.

• "Am I?"

• He snapped. The room began to shake. 3 more artificial intelligences came, each damaging your apartment in some way. And...surprise, surprise, it was the other mutated siblings. The robot in purple laughed, his voice switching from demonic to Donnie.

• "Did you really think I wasn't prepared for this!?"

• "Well, we were kinda hoping you weren't."

• Leo chimed in.

• "Brethren, take them down."

• "I'll handle master Donatello."

• And the fight begins! The Raphs clash fist, Mikey gets tackled by his bot, and Leo's is oddly super tactical. And of course, the main crazed robot is after Donnie's head.

• "Head ups, Raph!"

• Mikey shouted, swinging his robot his older brother's way. Despite, still blocking punches, the snap turtle ducked. Resulting in Mik-E slamming through the wall.

• "Bleh, I hate how much that thing looks like you."

• Raph mumbled. Mikey hopped on his back and pointed.

• "Ah! My look alike is still kicking!"

• The robot has indeed, got up. He cracked his head the right way and frowned. They screamed and ran off into the kitchen. Mik-E hot on their heels. Meanwhile, Leo and April were actually struggling with Le-O. He was in perfect sync with his original, yet he had quick enough reaction time to block their friend.

• "What do we do!? It's like fighting a computer in chess!"

• April shouted, trying to get one hit on the bot. Leo thought hard for a second. Then, he got it!

• "How do you beat computers?"

• He clashed swords with Le-O.

• "With cheat codes!"

• The robot scoffed at the lame pun and easily pushed him back into the coffee table.

• "Geez, D-0 wasn't kidding. You're super annoying."

• The slider smirked.

• "I get that alot."

• Suddenly, crackling was heard. The Ai turned around. There April was! Popping out of the classic blue portal and winding the pitch. She swung. And...!

• "Homerun!"

• Le-O was slammed in the cheek with the rolling pin, and crashed out your window. The condescending copycat was out for the count. (Maybe, nobody checked) The two high fived.

• "Another win for April and Leo!"

• Leo laughed.

• "Now let's go cream Raph's bot!"

• Donnie sighed as they scampered into the rowdy kitchen. Thank goodness, his brothers weren't struggling...much. Still looking at other commotion, the scientist caught the incoming staff.

• "It would be wise for you to keep your eyes on your opponent, Donatello."

• Donnie 0 hissed.(Although he couldn't pull his techbo back) The flesh and blood scientist scoffed and threw the staff away.

• "Bring it."

• Right before the fight you all have been waiting for began...!

• The doorknob turns. Everyone froze.

• You're home!

• "Hide!"

• Donnie whisper/shouted. The fam and the robots ducked behind the counter.

• "And you!"

• He pointed at the Ai next to 'im.

• "It's time for you to log off."

• He yanked on Mecha D's hoodie and reached Emergency shutdown button, (it's on the back of his neck) but the robot was ready.

• "Like hell it is."

• Donnie 0 snapped back. The scientist gasped and they began to tussle. Fabric was getting torn.

• "I did NOT give you foul language!"

• "Get your hands off me!"

• "Donnie?"

• Both of them froze and looked up at you. There you were. Standing in the doorway. Looking very confused (and a tad intrigued) by your turtle and robot tussling. The two of them stood up quickly and straightened themselves out. You looked around, slowly taking in your now destroyed home.

• "What the honk happened in here!?"

• You asked, while mourning over your broken, expensive coffee table.

• "It was him!"

• Both Donnies said like twins. You frowned. That's not a clear answer.

• "Seriously, Y/N, he did it!"

• They said together again.

• "Stop it!"

• "I'm serious!"

• "This copycatery is immature-!"

• You snapped your fingers. Both of them flinched and looked at you. You sighed and pinched the bridge of your nose.

• "Donnie 0, speak first."

• "But-"

• You put your hand up, silently shushing him. Your fiancee grumbled and crossed his arms. Donnie 0 smiled smugly at him and returned to his "chill butler" vibe.

• "Dearest,"

• "You're fiancee is jealous of me."

• You raised an eyebrow, no opinion showing in your eyes.

• "He came home early and told me to leave."

• "When I refused, because it's not the time we agreed upon, he got hostile."

• The squad behind the counter was getting ticked. He's just gonna openly lie like that? You looked at the real Donnie. It's his turn. Before the softshell could say anything, the robot popped back in.

• "Y/N,"

• He pulled you close.

• "I'm in love with you."

• Donnie inhaled sharply. Right in his face, huh? This robot has ZERO tact. You looked shocked.

• "Whenever I'm with you or when you talk to me,"

• He put one of his hands on his steel plastron.

• "My heart drive sparks like crazy and maybe it's just a malfunction but..."

• "I like it, okay! And I like you!"

• Your head was spinning. Your apartment was near annihilated. Your fiancee's home earlier. And now, your Ai is confessing his LOVE to you.

• "Uhh..."

• Noticing your spiraling, he sighed and yanked Donnie next to him. (He would've grabbed you back, but the grip on your arm might be tight)

• "Y/N...choose."

• You and your fiancee looked at Donnie 0, very distraught.

• "Organic life or Artificial life?"

• The room hushed. The boys AND the bots peeked from the counter. April readied her rolling pin. And Donnie bit his lip. They all had the same thought.

• She's gonna choose the real Donnie...

• Right?

• You looked at the robot and then back at the original. Slowly, you walked towards...

• Donnie 0.

• Donatello's heart shattered while the other's sparked. Everyone was shocked, especially Donnie. It only took one month to...to lose you? Donnie 0 hugged you tightly and your arms curled around his neck.

• "Oh, Y/N."

• Finally! It's happening! It's really happening! You're finally his-

• Suddenly, the robots eyes turned grey.

• And he slumped forward...

• Unconscious.

• The other brothers walked from behind the counter.

• "Did you sleep him with your love!?"

• Mikey asked. You shook your head.

• "Nope."

• "Just used the emergency shutdown button."

• Donnie shoved the knocked out robot off you and picked you up. You nearly touched the roof. He looked up at you with wet eyes.

• "Don't scare me like that!"

• You chuckled and kissed him on the head.

• "I'm sorry, I wanted to give him a false sense of security."

• He smushed his face into your shoulder and just whimpered. You sighed. This past month must've been rough. As you rubbed his shell, you got bombarded with questions.

• "How'd you know the bot was phony?"

• "We don't have to pay damages...right?"

• "Did you miss us!?"

• "You're not hurt anywhere, are you?"

• You frowned as they talked. You're gonna get overwhelmed at this rate. You snapped and everyone hushed again.

• "Raph,"

• You chose his question.

• "I kinda always had my guard around him."

• "He's an Artificial intelligence, those are practically doomed to fail."

• Donnie mumbled "not always" in the background. You answered the other "questions" as well. No damages need to be paid, but they are gonna fix it. You did miss them and your a-okay.

• "So what do we do with them?"

• Leo said, nodding to the robo bros. They were looking over their fallen brother, talking amongst themselves. Raph shrugged.

• "I don't really know?"

• "They only got crazy when Donnie's robot told them to."

• That's true. They do seem alot more peaceful now, but also lost.

• "As much as I hate to say this,"

• D said, finally done wetting the inside of your neck.

• "We gotta scrap 'em."

• "What!?"

• Mikey shouted.

• "Yes, Mikey."

• "Despite being the greatest artificial intelligence ever known to the planet,"

• "They're dangerous."

• "We already have enough problems as is."

• That was a good point. Everybody did get pretty roughed up and you still don't know the status of Japan. But...

• "I got it!"

• You suddenly said. Everyone looked at you and once again...

• "Huh?"

• 2 updating days later...

• "Remember, turn him on when you guys get on the plane, okay?"

• You told Raph 3.

• (Yeah, no super catchy name for him.)

• He nodded and adjusted his beanie.

• "Don't lose your brothers either."

• Right now you guys are setting the bots free...to do the international missions. Yes, it's sounds harsh, but they'll be happier there. They won't feel odd or oppressed by their originals and they can have their own adventures. Save people in their own way. (And with the new update, they'll be no more dangerous rebelling.)

• "I'll miss you, Mikey!"

• Mik‐E shouted hugging up his live action. Mikey choked.

• "Oh! You're gonna make me cry!"

• Yeah, everyone got tight with their robots in the little time. Not your fiancee though. He had to make a BIG change to his. Namely, the memory card. It was better if Donnie 0 started with a clean slate. Otherwise, he might try to get revenge on you or something. And nobody wants that. After alot of goodbyes and steel hugs, it was time for their flight.

• "Well, looks like it's time for our final bow."

• Le-O said. Everyone got quiet. Donnie cleared his throat and open his arms wide.

• "Robot brethren."

• They looked at each other and awkwardly embraced him.

• "Enjoy the world,"

• "And Donnie 1."

• He looked up at them.

• "Can you do that for me?"

• They all smiled and started talking at once.

• "You got it, Fleshy Donnie!"

• "We'll send you a postcard!"

• "Wait, why does Donnie get the 1?"

• After some more last minute chatter, they had to go. They all waved one last time and Raph 0 slung his unconscious purple brother back over his shoulder. You and the brothers watched in silence as the robots ran to catch their plane.

• "Welp, I had my fill on life sized robots for a bunch of years."

• "Mine was the best though."

• The slider said with a stretch. (It's like, 5 in the morning right now.)

• "Who wants to loiter at that shooting star bucks with me?"

• He said pointing at the airport one. Mikey hopped on his back.

• "I want some of that action!"

• Raph was down to join as well.

• "Let's eat all the pastries!"

• He shouted. Now that they're going to harass poor shooting star bucks employees, it's just you and your fiancee. You looked over at him.

• "Man, I missed you so much."

• He snickered and pulled you close.

• "I know."

• "Not hearing from you was basically torture."

• You laid your face on his shoulder. (He happened to not be wearing his battle shell today.)

• "What do think set Donnie 0 off?"

• You finally asked the question that's been nagging for the past two days. Did you accidentally break him or something?

• "I honestly have know idea."

• "But, I knew he was always special."

• Your brows furrowed.

• "I only downloaded our childhood and recent memories into him and he was just like me. Must've been some something special about the metal I used."

• You sighed and nuzzled into his neck. Maybe that was the case...or something different. Maybe even mystic. You didn't know. And you were kinda too scared to find out. (Leo and Raph gave you the rundown of what happened before you came home. Terrifying stuff.)

• You snorted.

• "And that wasn't a big red flag, dear?"

• Donnie huffed and looked back at you.

• "I thought my engineering was just that good."

• He poked your side.

• "If you must know, my intrusive darling."

• You chuckled, sounding like chipmunk. You finally came out of his shoulder. You wrapped your arms around his waist.

• (...The turtles do have waist, right?)

• "So, wanna get a coffee?"

• You asked while fluttering your eyelashes. He put on his thinking face.

• "Nah,"

• He smiled.

• "I hoping me and you can spend some time together...alone."

• You gasped dramatically, pretending to be shocked by such a vulgar request. Then laughed. Of course, D wanted to "hang out". It's has been awhile. You linked your arm with his.

• "Then by all means..."

• "Lead the way."

• (Tricked you guys! You two are just playing Luigi cart in the Tank!)

°○°•●•°○°•●•°○°•●•°○°•●•°○°•●•°○°

Whew! That was alot, but I'd happily do it again. Unfortunately, though, I'm burned out on Rise series. So, only turtle headcanons this holiday season. But, I will be showing designs of Donnie 0 and deleted scenes. And heck, maybe even a Q&A if anyone wants that. Stay cool!😎

°○°•●•°○°•●•°○°•●•°○°•●•°○°•●•○°

[caramel1mochi]

ぐちゃ ! (Splat!) [Yoru x F! Reader] [2]

Heya everyone!

Guess what? That's right, I'm trying something new!

After accumulating some a good amount of writing while waiting for the vote, instead of posting every other day with a few words, I'm gonna be posting once a week with a collection of words! Yep, this bad boy here is 7.8k words long!! MY HANDS AND EYES ARE KILLING ME I'M SORRY FOR ANY MISTAKES I MISSED

This is just a test to see if it's a good idea or not. Maybe if it goes well, I'll keep going, or stop if it's chaotic. Anyway, have a good one! See you next Friday!

❤ฺ·。

Yoru x F! Reader

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4 / Part 4.5 / Part 5 / Part 6

Genre: Fluff

Synopsis: Hapless doesn't even begin to describe you. With your life flipped upside down within the span of a day; you're left to rely on your best friend Tala to help you pick up the pieces and build the new one forced upon you. And this 'luck' seems to have caught the attention of one of her friends.

。+❤ฺ·。❤ฺ·。+❤ฺ· +❤·。❤ฺ·。+❤ฺ·

Police sirens loudly rang throughout the entire district, Tala peeking from the alleyway you both hid in to notice another police car swerving past.

“Relax, Y/N, they won’t find us here!”

“It doesn’t matter! Did you see the print on the GROUND?!”

You gasped and held yourself, still shocked from the entire ordeal. Tala knelt next to you and patted your back, struggling to reassure you. How could she, when the sight surprised her just as much? Besides, it’s not like she knew how to calm people down in the first place.

“It almost killed us! It almost killed us, Tala!”

“It didn’t kill anyone, okay?! It missed us, we’re alive!”

“We almost died! We almost died!”

You hugged your knees, hyperventilating.

“We almost got squashed, it missed us by a few inches!”

You kept rambling nonsense under your breath, your voice quivering with an abnormal amount of fear. Tala, used to near-death experiences, wasn’t as horrified as you were. But that doesn’t mean what happened could just be easily brushed off.

Whilst swatting the flies away, suddenly, it was like an extraterrestrial force from outer space slammed itself against the ground. And when you both opened your eyes, a massive hand imprinted itself upon the hill you both stood on; defiling it. Like a giant that slapped the ground with all of its might. Even she couldn’t explain it.

“Y/N, Y/N, it’s alright, look, if the government doesn’t catch up to us first, then maybe a secret organisation will!”

“HOW IS THAT BETTER?!”

She awkwardly scratched the back of her neck, chuckling to herself. 

“Okay, uh– good point, but… but look on the bright side! I just called someone and they know exactly how to help!”

“Help us?! We had nothing to do with this! The hand– it, it appeared out of nowhere, it came out of nowhere! It almost killed us! We were so close–”

Tala grabbed your shoulders, and forced your gaze on hers. She would slap you, but you weren’t one of her co-workers.

“Y/N! Help is on the way, okay! Stop freaking out!”

You stood up, clutching your head with both hands and muttering random sentences under your breath, ones she didn’t catch onto.

“I– I think I’m going insane, Tala! A– a giant hand, a massive hand! It appeared out of nowhere and almost hit us! How does that happen, how is this– how, is it possible? How is it normal?! Is this– is this what they meant by Radiants being dangerous?!”

“No, Y/N, this has nothing to do with that!”

Tala knew your information of Radiancy was extremely limited, mostly to what the news would spew out. But she couldn’t exactly tell you the whole story, not when you could hardly differentiate between left and right. Also, it’s confidential. Shouldn’t forget that.

“Just hold on, we’ll get help. The police will be off our tail in a second!”

You turned to her, panicking.

“Why would the police be on our tail?!”

Shouldn’t have said that either.

“What’s with you two?”

Thankfully, like some guardian angel (to Tala), a familiar voice appeared from behind you both. A dark silhouette stood in the entrance of the constricted alley, the street lights reflecting off of his blue jacket. Of course, you were terrified for a split second, thinking it was a cop, but Tala’s reaction quickly calmed you.

“Yoru, finally! We need your help!”

He stepped in, both hands in his pockets. And on his face, juxtaposed to the chaos, the police sirens and helicopters that wrapped around the park you both rushed out of, was an expression full of boredom.

“What now? Did you make another thunderstorm?”

Tala noticed the sudden shift in your expression and awkwardly chuckled, scratching the back of her head. But luckily, Yoru turned his attention to you instead.

“Who are you?”

“Who am I? Who are you? Why are you here?!”

“Yoru! Yoru, she’s, uh– this is, this is Y/N, my friend, and she’s freaked out right now, so you shouldn’t be asking her anything.”

He blankly stared at you, almost as if he was sceptical of your general presence. Thankfully, it was only for a few seconds before he turned to Tala.

“Give me a run down.”

“Alright!”

Tala quickly perked up, politely keeping your mouth shut. The events were scrambled in your mind, so the chances of you saying anything coherent was zero. And Tala knew it.

“There’s a park behind us, and, uh… there might be, sort of, a massive handprint on the hill.”

“Yeah, I saw it on the news. I meant give me the intimate rundown. Did your kit manifest?”

Pictures already spread throughout the country, especially since it flattened a few dozen massive trees in one fell swoop, and possibly a few animals hidden within the grass and branches. If the concept of it pancaking living beings wasn’t so horrifying, it would’ve been impressive. Of course, it shocked you how quickly things spread, but bad news travels fast, as they say.

Tala raised her hands defensively.

“There wasn’t electricity involved, it wasn’t my fault! Stop bringing it up!”

“Electricity?!”

You blurted out, and it was too late for Tala. Though he might’ve not really known it, Yoru’s complete disregard for the situation pretty much exposed her. Not that he really cared.

“Is she a Radiant?”

“No, she’s not. I’m telling you, it wasn’t either of us!”

Tala interrupted, but Yoru kept his eyes on yours, as if she never spoke.

“Before the hand, what exactly were you doing?”

He stared at you, and you couldn’t help but feel uneasy under his piercing gaze as he towered over you. Then, he looked down, the glimmer of gold catching his attention. In the darkness that enveloped you all, it stood out.

“I– I was swatting flies, okay? They were gathering around us and I–”

“Spare me the details. You were swatting flies, right?”

You nodded.

“Y– yes, yeah, I was swatting–”

“Was your hand open?”

“Yeah?”

“And what about this thing?” 

He pointed to your bracelet, which you didn’t even notice until now. Not when you stumbled on your words, hardly able to put together a sentence with how fast he was going. Unlike Tala, this Yoru guy absolutely did not hold back, even when you were at the peak of your anguish. He seemed overeager to put the blame on you.

“This bracelet? What about it?! It has nothing to do with–”

The words were stuck in your throat once you lifted your hand and actually got a good look at it. You saw the golden accessory now wrapped tightly around your wrist, hardly moving an inch. Unlike before, when it could’ve easily been mistaken for a necklace with how loose it was. You scratched at it; but it wouldn’t move. 

Tala was just as stumped.

“That– that was loose, yeah?”

You awkwardly laughed, struggling to tilt the object. But it stuck to you, like a limb. It didn’t take long for Yoru to catch on, turning to Tala.

“There’s your problem. You should’ve called Harbour, not me, idiot.”

“Harbour’s not my friend and you know it!”

As they bickered, you struggled with the bracelet. But trying to vigorously rip it away from you shot pain through your arm. Trying to get this off would be like ripping off your finger with no tools. You couldn’t fathom how this was even possible. How did it even happen? How did it tighten, and when?!

You clenched your fist and worked to take it off, digging your nails under it whilst the two continued arguing about meaningless nonsense.

“The bracelet’s so tiny! How could it have so much power, anyway?!”

“Hell if I know.”

“Really, it also fell on her arm when she first wore it! When did it get so tight?”

As she continued rambling, Yoru felt an odd sensation enter the atmosphere around them. And he quickly glanced behind him, noticing the trees that previously swerved with the wind completely stop, the branches now still as statues.

In the literal sense, the air stood still. 

He looked at you, noticing your fist clenched, and you prepared to loosen it.

Then, the shadow of an invisible set of fingers emerged above you. 

But just before it could crush you all, he grabbed your wrist and slammed it against the nearby wall, the silhouette disappearing just as fast as it appeared; not before destroying the top portion of the buildings you both hid in between.

“Stop moving that damn hand!”

He shouted, a massive portion of the roof falling behind you. It crashed and splattered into pieces so loudly, the noise deafened you for a split second. And once it was over, you weren’t given a single moment to catch yourself. Yoru angrily met your gaze, still holding on to your wrist.

“Don’t you dare move a finger, lady. Your hand can squash a quarter of the Philippines.”

Just like that, he let go and stepped out of the alley.

“With me. We’re getting this sorted.”

Like a pair of chicks behind their mother hen, you both mindlessly rushed behind him, blindly trusting his judgement. Of course, you had no choice, while Tala clearly trusted this dude.

“That’s so cool! So, this is like, an artefact? Like Harbour and Astra? You also have that mask, yeah?”

“What are you talking about?!”

Tala stuttered once she remembered you were right there again. And this time, Yoru caught on, annoyed. She could hardly go a few seconds without blowing her cover now, and it was embarrassing to watch on his end. So, like the honest, no-nonsense man that he was, he made the obvious decision to ease the stress on his dear friend’s shoulders.

“We’re both Radiants part of a secret organisation. And her callsign’s Neon.”

“Yoru!”

Genius.

“Neon? Radiants? Secret organisation?! So, that’s the job you didn’t want to tell me about!”

You met her gaze angrily, furious at her keeping this from you. And of course, she awkwardly chuckled, turning her gaze away. Shortly after, you clutched your head and massaged your temples, working to ease the aching that slowly took over you.

“Oh god, this is too much for one day…”

Yoru sighed and took out his comb, brushing his hair.

“Yeah? Don’t worry, there’s more.”

❤ฺ·。

Arriving on an aircraft dubbed the VLT/R, you sat right next to Tala– sorry, NEON, still holding your head and staring at the pristine flooring in shock. Yoru sat in front of you, fiddling with a butterfly comb in his hand. Unlike you, he was completely unbothered. Maybe he had gotten slightly amused by the situation, and your reaction to all of this. The tension was heavy, and she could tell your head was so close to exploding. NEON needed to calm you down.

“So… what now?”

“Best case scenario, they break the thing off and let her go.”

“Great! Don’t worry, Y/N, you’ll be back to your clerk job in no time!”

Neon said as she clasped her hands together. Yoru, on the other hand, simply raised an eyebrow.

“Tch. You’re excited about being a clerk?”

“It’s a peaceful job!”

You blurt out, meeting his gaze. And he couldn’t help but chuckle.

“Right. Must be high paying, too. You smell like you stepped out of a hibachi restaurant.”

…

“Is that a joke?”

“I’m serious.”

You shook your head in confusion.

“We went to a cafe. No restaurant.”

“Liar. I know the scent of a grilled steak with soy sauce on top. All cooked in sesame oil, too. Only a skilled hibachi chef could successfully pull off something that smells like that.” 

You blankly stared at him for a few seconds, unable to process all of the extra information. Compared to everything you previously learned, it wasn’t anything important, but you also never went to a hibachi restaurant in your entire life. Too expensive.

Yoru proudly pointed to his nose, a smug smile on his face.

With how blank his expression was this entire time, this looked unnatural on him.

“I have a good sense of smell.”

“Yeah… I didn’t want to say anything, but I swore I could smell adobo since we left the alley. Fresh adobo! Just the way lola makes it.”

You couldn’t help but giggle, watching Neon lick her lips in excitement at the simple thought of it.

“I think you’re both just hungry.”

“Did you dip your hand in water?”

Yoru suddenly perked up. You met his gaze in confusion, before he pointed to your hand. 

And safe to say, you were shocked all over again. Out of nowhere, there was some form of liquid that suddenly started seeping from your skin, dripping down your hand. It wasn’t sweat, either, it was an ongoing flow of clear fluid, like water.

You held it up to your face, confused. It didn’t smell like anything. Maybe it was water?

“I probably wasn’t looking…”

Before another word can be exchanged, you jumped once the VLT/R landed, and the door slid open to reveal a sight that took you a second to process. In the exit stood two women and one man. The one with the long black ponytail stepped up, a warm smile on her face and her eyes locked on yours.

❤ฺ·。

 

At first, you thought the one with the ponytail, Sage, would be the one to examine your hand. But Viper instead took it upon herself, since she seemed more qualified when it came to actually studying the human body and such.

It was the next day, early morning, and weirdly enough, it started off better than most mornings. That’s right, you were in the empty cafeteria, getting yelled at by your boss on the phone. You would say it’s a typical morning, but that would be a lie. Usually, you’d wake up by your extremely aggravating alarm at four, and still be late for work. Or, on the weekends, by the screaming of your younger family members.

“Y/N, I trusted you to have the papers ready by seven! You didn’t even show up!”

“Look, I’m sorry. Things happened!”

“What? ‘Things happen?’ That’s your excuse? You might as well spit on my face while you’re at it.”

You sighed and glanced at the bracelet on your right hand, a jade green tinge slowly overwhelming the gold.

“It wasn’t my choice. You’d know me by now, right? I never miss a day of work. But believe me, just this one time, something really did happen!”

“Unless this vague thing can get my papers done in less than fifteen minutes, it doesn’t really concern me, Y/N!”

You winced at the volume of his voice. Even if you’d gotten around to completing the task he’d given you, the amount of papers you were entrusted with were enough to complete a book. Logically, you’d need multiple people to complete it.

But he knew that, unlike you, your co-workers would complain about doing this without getting paid for it.

“I’m sorry, okay? I’ll try to find my way back, but–”

“Don’t bother. I might as well fire you, that’ll save me the stress of–”

You noticed a shadow looming over you, looking to your right to find a familiar face. Surprisingly, it was Yoru; the guy from yesterday.

Pleasantly complementing his generally blue palette were the rays of the sun, painting both him and the cafeteria into a stunning shade of gold. Had you believed in fairytales, you’d assume the Midas touch was in full effect.

You muted and gave him a tired smile.

“Magandang umaga. Yoru, right?” <Good morning.>‎‎  

He pointed to the phone in your ear, your boss’s voice loud enough for him to be audible to the Japanese.

“What’s going on?”

“Oh, I missed work and my boss’s mad. Don’t worry, he’ll drop it eventually.”

You’d grown used to his yelling enough to be able to guess exactly what he’s talking about. And thus, you were able to have a conversation without missing anything. And by the blank look on Yoru’s face, he wasn’t impressed.

“You might as well quit.”

You tittered and turned back to the phone, but he caught your attention once more.

“I’m serious. You’re not going back to civilisation with that thing on your wrist.”

“I live paycheck to paycheck, you know. If I quit, I’ll be out on the streets!”

“You’ll be living here, lady. There’s no ‘bills’ anymore.”

His tone slightly shifted towards aggression. And though you were taken aback, you were already overloaded with stress enough to let it slide.

“Even if I wanted to quit, he won’t take me seriously! Maybe if I keep nagging him for like, a week, but not now.”

“Best I can do is two minutes.”

You stared at him for a moment, before tilting your head.

“You can get me out in two?”

“Want me to?”

He really thinks he can get to someone as stubborn and talkative as your boss, huh? As much as you didn’t want to, you really didn’t have much to lose. Even you knew that they wouldn’t let you out so soon after flattening a hill by accident. And so, with an eager nod, he immediately. stretched out his hand towards you.

“Hand me that.”

You did. He took a few steps away, and you shifted in your seat as he walked towards the centre of the cafeteria, anxious.

“Hey, listen here.”

Yoru slightly raised his voice. Though he was a metre away, you could hear the boss’s ranting immediately get interrupted.

“This is her friend. She quit. Sorry.” 

The air stood still for a few seconds, before he started talking again, clearly furious. And knowing how much he liked to rabbit about, Yoru had gotten sick of his voice within a few seconds, judging by the way he furrowed his brow. Probably bringing up the papers he entrusted you with.

“Not her problem anymore. Figure it out.”

Just as he began ranting again, Yoru quickly spoke up.

“Yeah. Too bad. Bye.”

And just like that, he closed the call and handed you the phone.

To say you were shocked would be an understatement. More specifically at how blunt he was, telling a powerful man to shut his trap like that.

“Juskó, uh, are you– are you sure he won’t–” <Oh my god,>‎ 

Just as you said that, your phone began ringing once more, and it was exactly who you expected.

“Do I answer?!”

“Tch, no? Block him.”

“But what if he gets mad? Like, what if he does something?”

He rolled his eyes and moved to the fridge.

“Y/N, you’re an active threat to humanity until you get that hand under control. Relax.”

Oh, right. The bracelet.

You stared at the phone ringing in silence, many thoughts overlapping in your mind. Though you were shocked to your core at what he’d done, Yoru didn’t seem bothered whatsoever. He simply made his breakfast like this was a typical morning for him.

Taking your phone into your hand, you hesitantly closed the call. It began ringing again. And this time, you took his advice and blocked him. Once you did, the calls stopped coming. And it was as if a few tonnes of metal were lifted off of your shoulders, taking in the silence once more.

Wow… This must be what serenity feels like, beyond a word slapped on top of a pretty image on Google.

“So… what happens now?”

“What?”

“I just quit my job. What do I do now?”

“You work for Valorant now. Did Viper test out that arm yet?”

You looked at your hand where the ‘bracelet’ sat. Only now did you notice the colour. There wasn’t a hint of gold anymore. It was fully green, and it didn’t glimmer like a gem.

Also, they numbed your arm so that you wouldn’t accidentally crush the base.

“I guess. I don’t remember what she told me. I blanked out halfway through.”

Yoru scoffed.

“They’ll figure that out, first. Then, after training, you’ll get on missions with us.”

You looked up at him, watching him take out a few eggs and wash them.

“Missions? Like what?”

“Depends. Other than squashing, what can you do?”

You turned back to your numb arm. And this time, you lifted up to the table, allowing the sun to shine and give you a clearer view of the bracelet.

It was hard to remember, and you left Viper’s synopsis back in Neon’s room since you ran out when your boss called.

“I think she said I can make smells, or whatever.”

“Tch, what?”

“Yeah, wait– I remember now! The water from my hand, apparently it’s nectar and it has a scent. Viper said it smells like fruit, and there’s someone else, she had a big ponytail. She said it smells like… mountain air.”

“Mountain air? Yeah, that checks out.”

You followed his movements, watching him wash a bowl and a pan. Was he mocking her?

“What does that mean?”

“Sage was a monk, I think. Probably meditated on a mountain.”

He turned on the stove and immediately got to cooking, cracking the eggs.

“Monk? That’s… new.”

The people here sounded like unique individuals. First, Viper, whom you recognised from the awards she won years ago. Now, a monk.

“Explains the hibachi smell yesterday.”

He commented and you smiled to yourself, remembering his eagerness as he explained the intricate details of the meat.  Him, and Neon. So, the smell differs with everyone, you thought. But you seemed to be immune to it.

Then, there was a delectable real smell that ripped your attention away from your thinking and back onto Yoru. Surprisingly, it was from his food.

“What’s for breakfast?”

“Tornado omelette.”

Tornado omelette? Unique breakfast, you thought.

“Mind sharing?”

“I do, actually.”

You paused for a moment, quickly growing disappointed once you understood.

“Awe, really? Lame.”

“Yeah, I only cook for people I like. Sorry.”

His apology didn’t sound genuine. But, to be fair, nothing that came out of his mouth sounded genuine. ‘People I like’, he said. Did you even need to ask to know that his list of liked people was minuscule? Just look at him.

“Do you like anyone here?”

“No.”

He answered with quickness and you rolled your eyes and sat back. But then, you promptly remembered what he did. Yoru shut down your boss with no more than a few words, and practically freed you within a few minutes of meeting you. So really, how could you be mad at him right now?

This was one of the rare interactions that didn’t go horribly wrong.

You looked at him. Well, the back of his head, since he wasn’t facing you whatsoever.

“Hey, Yoru?”

“Yeah.”

You smiled.

“Thanks for helping me out.”

…

“Don’t thank me.”

He said. And again, you were taken aback. It didn’t sound like a humble statement, either. He genuinely sounded uninterested by your gratitude. What kind of philosophy does this guy follow? You thought, but it felt like it was too soon to judge.

❤ฺ·。

“I can’t believe you’re getting your own room already. You should’ve said no, and we’d have sleepovers every night!”

Neon said excitedly as you scanned the updated paper in your hand. Her voice echoed through the cafeteria you both sat in, since it was empty despite it being late in the afternoon. It’s not like you’ve seen anyone other than her and Yoru, and Viper who took you in for a few hours before letting you have your break.

“Tala, two can barely fit on that bed.”

“But with a promotion, I can make it a king-size.”

She winked, and you couldn’t help but force an eye roll at this, looking down at the paper again.

“Also, it’s Neon. You’re not really allowed to use real names around here, remember?”

“You guys call me by my name all the time.”

“They haven’t picked a callsign for you yet! I’m thinking it’s something about gems. Maybe… Psh, I dunno, gold? Mineral?”

“Mineral? What am I, baby food?”

Neon laughed, taking her smoothie into her hand.

“Fair enough. Anyway, did you meet anyone yet?”

You wordlessly gestured to the cafeteria around you, as if to remind her there’s nobody. And it’s not like she caught on, she blankly stared at you as she took a sip.

“Valorant’s emptier than I thought. Are you and Yoru the only ones here?”

“Oh! No, no way, there’s plenty of us! They’re on missions right now.”

Amidst your crowded and exhausted mind, the only people you remembered were Viper and the other monk lady. But were you about to admit that, out of all of them, Yoru took control of your mind effortlessly? Well…

You put the paper down and sighed, smiling.

“I talked to Yoru this morning…”

Neon raised an eyebrow as she sipped her smoothie, watching your previously tense posture shift.

“What’s his deal?”

“What do you mean?”

You turned your gaze away, unsure how to tell her.

“I don’t know. He's nice, but also vulgar at the same time.”

“Oh! Yeah, I know what you mean. Yoru’s just that type of guy, you know? Lone wolf and that edgy stuff. He’s a rude-ass, but if you don’t mind that, he’s chill.” she brought the straw up to her lips as she spoke, “Did he do anything?”

“He told my boss off, and I don’t have a job now.”

She nearly choked, clearing her throat and pulling the drink away.

“Your boss? The same guy who–”

“YES. The same guy who convinced me unpaid overtime is legal, okay? Don’t remind me.”

Neon laughed, taking a quick sip. And this time, she was mindful not to spill a single drop.

“Did he share his food with you, though?”

“Uh, no?”

“Then he doesn’t like you.”

…

What? 

“Is this an ongoing thing?”

“It is! Yoru’s like, the best cook here. Nobody can top him, but nobody can get a taste either. I’d kill to try his homemade soba!”

She said as she licked her lips with the same excitement she harboured for her lola’s adobo. You beamed at this, sitting up once more. Nobody can get a taste either, huh? And Neon’s overeagerness combined with the tornado omelette you saw earlier, it was clear that his dishes were no joke. Gordon Ramsay who, right?

But just as you thought you could take on this challenge, you backed off.

No way.

Then, Neon fixed her posture once the sound of heels clicking took over your ears, both of you looking back to see a silhouette familiar to only her. You squinted, before smiling once you recognised the large ponytail, elegantly swerving with each step.

“Good morning, Y/N. How’s your hand?”

The ‘monk’, as you called her in your mind said, a sweet smile lifting her cheeks. Applying pressure to your fingers, you could tell the drug only now was in the midst of wearing off.

��Still numb, but I’m used to it.”

“Good. Are you ready to go back to the lab?”

You sighed and nodded. But just as you stood up, so did Neon, putting down her now-empty smoothie with a loud clank.

“Sage, did we decide on a name yet?”

Sage. That’s her name. Well, callsign

“Something came to mind, but we won't get to it until we determine how her hand works.”

She stopped at the doorway, wordlessly gesturing to you both to follow her. And with excitement you definitely didn’t share, Neon made her way towards the healer, trotting with each step.

❤ฺ·。

There wasn’t much of a difference between your old boss and Viper, now that a few hours have passed. Sure, this time, by what Yoru said and Neon confirmed; you had absolutely no bills to pay and even had vending machines to eat out of and all you had to do was let her study you relentlessly– okay, putting it that way; you sounded like a child.

“This might hurt.”

Viper suddenly twisted your wrist, forcing you to take in a sharp breath. Just a few more inches, and she’d definitely rip a few tendons. Thank god your hand was still numb.

“No, that’s fine– go ahead.”

You said with an awkward giggle, but she didn’t change her focused expression. And like an orange, more of the transparent nectar slipped out. And using her pipet, she aspirated a considerable amount of it, before emptying out on a vial. Then, she repeated this process, until it was full. 

“Sheesh, Y/N. Are you a sadist?”

“Sadist…?”

You said in confusion. Viper pulled away, side-eyeing Neon as she worked on the sample, and you quickly clutched your wet hand to relieve the pain.

“I think you mean masochist.”

“Tomato, tomato.”

Viper inhaled the scent of the nectar. And to your surprise, her face twisted to disgust; a major contrast to the serene expression you evoked from her and Sage just the day before.

“The smell keeps changing. What’s with that?”

“How? Didn’t it smell like fruit yesterday?”

“Yes, but it’s like…”

She pulled down her surgical mask and smelled it once more.

…

Viper shook her head. Clearly, she knew the answer, she just didn’t want to say.

“Neon, smell this.”

Neon stepped up to the counter and took a deep sniff, before coughing and pulling away.

“Why does that smell like– bleh, it smells like a bunch of electricity!”

You stared at her in confusion, and she took another deep inhale, clearing her throat.

“Yeah, it’s like, it’s kinda like I stuffed my face into a thunderstorm and smelt it, you know? It– it doesn’t make sense, I know!”

“Probably shouldn’t have only one person to test the sample.”

Viper sarcastically noted as she hurriedly closed the vial. This, of course, earned an odd look from you.

“Wait– but yesterday you said that the smell was good. Why’s it bad now?”

“I don’t know. Maybe it’s linked to emotion. How do you feel right now?”

You blinked.

“Uh… Fine, I guess?”

Just as you said that, there was a loud yet unfamiliar knock on the door behind you, and you all looked over to see a figure push the doors open and let himself in. It was a large burly man. Tall, and by god, even though his ocean-blue colour scheme reminded you of Yoru, the aura he emitted with each step was one of confidence and joy you’ve never seen in anyone else, especially not in a workplace. It was a complete juxtaposition to everything the Japanese was.

“Good afternoon, ladies! How are we doing?”

He called out with an immense amount of charm, being met with a wide smile from Neon.

“Harbour, welcome back! Remember what I told you? We found your match!”

“I thought I heard some ruckus about a new bracelet-wielder around here.”

Harbour. That must be the guy with the bracelet artefact, you thought.

He stopped. And though he met your gaze, your eyes were locked on his arm, his own imposing bracelet taking over half of his forearm with mesmerising patterns, as if it was cuttlefish that would take on different colours to hypnotise prey. Moreover, it was gold. Unlike the weird gross green tinge you had, it shined brilliantly, harbouring the same confidence as its carrier.

“I take it you’re tired?”

You jumped and looked at him, your lids heavier than a few tonnes of metal. Clearly, he said a few things you didn’t catch beforehand.

“Huh? Oh, sorry, I was– uh, your bracelet’s so much cooler…”

“Don’t say that, I’m sure yours has its own unique–”

“Definitely not.”

Holding up your arm, your hand and fingers numb, you smiled awkwardly as you allowed him to take in your own underwhelming… artefact. You noticed a shift in his expression as he took a step closer and observed, but his response wasn’t what you expected.

“Wait, is this a plant, or what?”

Only now did you notice the bracelet’s new form. And to say it was incredibly awkward looking, especially compared to Harbour, would be a grave understatement. To put it in the most flattering way possible, it looked like you ripped out a rose, cut off the top, took the stem and tightly wrapped them around your hand.

It took on a more forest-green colour with a vague cherry red hue surrounding it, a dozen spikes slowly sprouting with a drop of clear fluid on the end of each one of them. Said liquid looked like the nectar your hand would produce, but more contained.

Sure, the green might literally be its ‘stem’, but what plant even looked like this? Besides the aforementioned roses, you couldn’t think of anything else that was red in this way.

“Harbour, before you train her, can you smell this?”

Viper quickly handed him the vial. And once he complied, you noticed his previously amicable expression quickly switch at this. The scent displeased him. It wasn’t like he was disgusted, either. It was something else.

“That’s…”

He smelled it once more, before handing it back to her.

“That’s just repugnant.”

“Repugnant? Why, what do you smell?”

Even she was surprised at the word he used.

“I can’t describe it. I– I think you should ask someone else instead. Now, let’s get going, those hands aren’t going to train themselves, are they?”

Barely given a moment to process from how fast he was going, you quickly stood up and followed him. But why was he so eager to leave the conversation after smelling the vial? You wondered, especially with how quick he began talking. Just what could be in it?

However, before you could ask, he suddenly perked up with a new topic.

“How long have you been in that lab for?”

“Oh, I don’t know, since twelve?”

“Twelve afternoon? That’s almost six hours. I can’t imagine how suffocating it would be to stay that long. No pun intended.”

You smiled to yourself, meeting his gaze as you each walked down an unfamiliar hallway. He didn’t say anything funny, you just couldn’t help but share his contagious joy just by the way he’d talk.

Harbour was a massive difference from Yoru, that’s for sure.

“No pun intended? What pun?”

“You weren’t told yet? Viper works with poison. That’s her whole thing.”

“Oh? Poison? But I thought– wasn’t she a doctor…?”

“Doctor? Well, if you consider submerging rats in acid as healing them, then technically she’s a doctor.”

You sighed and rubbed your temples, attempting to move your right hand’s fingers despite barely being able to feel them. But thankfully, by this time, the drugs had slowly begun to wear off.

“Is there anyone normal around here?”

Harbour laughed and crossed his arms.

“I’ll be the first to tell you, you’re out of luck with that. I can't think of anybody here that’s normal.”

“Looks like I’m the first one, huh?”

Harbour laughed, slapping your back with a considerable amount of roughness, enough to unintentionally hurt you. But you kept your mouth shut and simply smiled along. It felt like your shoulder blade was about to break in half.

Every new agent that would be introduced, it would take some time to get used to them, with how unique everyone looked. But the only unique thing about you was your ‘bracelet’, the dark roots deep within your arm that looked like veins from far away, and maybe your messy bob. Other than that, you looked completely out of place. Almost to a funny degree if it wasn’t terrifying somewhat.

Harbour then stopped in front of a doorway. Inside, you could hear distant banging. Few and far between, but each one still made you jump.

“What the hell’s that noise?”

“That? Probably Gekko training.”

Gekko? 

“What kind of training makes this noise?”

He looked at you in amusement, still grinning.

“You weren’t kidding when you said you were normal, huh? Anyway, you’ve spent six hours back in the lab, you don’t want a break before we work on that hand?”

“No, no, no breaks, it’s okay. We can keep going.”

“Are you sure?”

You smiled and shook your head, clearly insisting despite your considerable need to lie down. It felt like you’d be a nuisance if you prolonged this anymore, so you couldn’t help but cave in.

“Sure. I’m a bank clerk, I can handle anything.”

“Is that so? Can you handle guns?”

You awkwardly laughed, hoping that he was being sarcastic since his cheeky tone supported this notion.

“Oh, please. I get held at gunpoint weekly at work, a little glock isn’t gonna do anything to me.”

“Haha, good one. Alright, come in, we’ll see what you can do.”

You weren’t joking.

He swung the doors open and allowed the air from inside to strongly hit your face like a solid bring, the strong scent of gunpowder entering your nostrils. And from the figure far away, shooting down a few dozen bots with smoke billowing from the red tip, it wasn’t a smell your hand could produce, that's for sure. Not since you yourself could smell it.

“Gekko, easy on the Vandal! Give it a moment to cool down!”

He shouted over the shooting, somehow, his deep voice dwarfing the sounds of the bullets. Enough to earn his attention and quickly comply.

“Hey, coach, welcome back! How was–”

Just as Gekko looked back, he cut his sentence short and smiled as you two approached him, the smell of fire growing stronger and stronger. 

“Woah, who’s this?”

He quickly put the gun down, turned his body to face you in order to look more presentable. And by god, you couldn’t help but stare at his neon green buzzcut. With how exhausted you were, this bright colour managed to wake you up.

“We have a new one to train alongside you. This is…”

“Y/N.”

Gekko beamed at this, clearly excited at having a new recruit already.

“Y/N! What’s up? They didn’t give you a name, yet?”

“Yeah… no. She’s an active threat right now. Names will come after we make sure she won’t squash the base by accident.”

“Squash the base? Like the whole thing?! Jeez, I don’t even want to ask what you can do.”

You sighed.

“You don’t want to know.”

“Hopefully it doesn’t involve the radivore stuff, Deadlock will be on your ass if so.”

He winked with an immense amount of cheekiness, earning an eye roll from Harbour. But before he could get an earful for somehow bringing whoever that was into this, you heard a gurgle behind him, and a yellow creature emerged from next to his leg, an audible pitter patter with each slow step as it moved to get a good look at you.

You blinked and stared at it.

Were you dreaming, or what?

“Since when were penguins yellow?”

Gekko looked down in confusion, before he glanced behind him and saw exactly what you were talking about. And he couldn’t help but laugh at your assumption.

“No, this is Wings! He’s one of my buddies. You know, he’s part of that radivore thing I talked about.”

You knelt, getting a closer look at the critter. And he looked adorable. Especially with the armour plates and the purple mask thing he had over his face, complementing his beady white eyes.

“Is he a penguin, though?”

“Noo, no penguins! He’s a whole new thing, you feel me? I dunno what, but it’s… um, you know, I never really thought about it.”

“Maybe you should do the honours of naming the species, Gekko.”

Harbour joked, but Gekko seemed to take it seriously, saying something your tired mind didn’t catch.

Wingman slowly approached, his eyes clearly stuck on the bracelet. Probably since the vein-root thing looked pretty macabre when you spent more than a second observing it.

“Anyway, I’m thinking we take this training outside, like Brim said. Maybe a landscape, what do you think?”

Harbour noted. And Gekko probably said something in response to this, but again, you couldn’t focus on anything other than the mysterious creature in front of you. Also, how much you wanted to sleep. Hey, things were going well so far, why not enjoy yourself?

“He’s so tiny, I’ve never seen anything like this.”

You muttered. And on instinct, after the medicine wore off, you lifted your right hand to pet him.

“Y/N, I don’t think you should–”

A loud crash, though muffled, suddenly took over all of your ears.

You suddenly were forced up with an immense amount of pressure around your wrists, enough to completely restrict your blood flow. Harbour had grabbed your wrist and lifted you before anymore damage could be done.

“OKAY. Okay. You know what? I think we’re taking you–”

Then, a portion of the roof to your right tumbled over, squashing at least five bots with a loud bang that deafened each of you. And of course, that wasn’t to account for the debris that suddenly rushed so threateningly close towards you.

All colour drained from your face.

❤ฺ·。

Your entire right arm was drugged. 

And despite her best efforts, Neon wasn’t able to convince you to leave her room to meet the rest of the agents, especially her friends, who’d just returned from their expedition. Or even help you forget what had happened. The only silver lining in this was that Viper hadn’t had the time to assign you your own room. Otherwise, she’d be banging and clawing at your door like a hungry cat.

“Y/N, relax, it’s fine! Harbour said the hole’s only a metre wide, it’s easy to fix!”

“I’M NOT MOVING.”

You shouted, your voice muffled since your hand covered the majority of your face. Mostly the lower part, but I digress. Since you were sitting on a chair with your arm resting on the vanity table (full of plushies you pushed away), she was able to place a hand on your back in an attempt to reassure you.

“I’m serious, it’ll be fixed in like, a few days. Are you gonna sit here your entire life?”

“Do you know what I heard when I came back here? The white haired one, she said; ‘why’s the training range out of order?’”

Neon knew you were referring to Jett. And yeah, duh, said range was most of the agents’ favourite spot to chill, other than the cafeteria. So putting out of order on your first day… Mortifying, to say the least.

“It was an honest mistake, Y/N. Nobody’s mad over it. Also we have like, a bunch of robots to take care of stuff around here.”

“I’m not leaving this room, Tala! When I meet those other people, I’ll probably pancake them! The only person who I sorta made a good impression on was Yoru, and that was its own brand of embarrassing…”

Neon took a step back and stroked her chin, suddenly falling into silence for the next few seconds.

Of course, being overwhelmed with the fact you’d crushed a portion of the base, even though Harbour insisted it was his fault for not bringing you out sooner, it took you a moment to realise that she was brewing one of her familiar plans.

Then, she took out her phone and gave you her back, taking a few steps away. And you couldn’t help but let curiosity get the best of you.

“Tala, what do you think you’re doing?”

“Nothing…” 

Ignoring the dozen of messages she’d already received from her friends when they noticed her and your disappearance, she quickly opened Yoru’s (empty) DMs and began rapidly typing. Of course, of all people, he’d be the last to ask about your whereabouts.

‘HEY’

Surprisingly, he went online and saw the message pretty fast.

‘HELP ME GET HER OUT????’

‘SHE DOESNT WANT TO LEAVE MY ROOM CUS OF THE RANGE STUFF’

‘hell do u want me to do’

“It’s this stupid hand!”

You suddenly called out, grabbing your numb wrist and tossing it on the table like it wasn’t a part of your body. And under the sharp rays of the beach image she’d set to your right, it managed to highlight the roots inside. A few had grown thicker than your very fingers, and travelled through your entire arm towards your shoulder. Clothes concealed the rest of the details, but did you want to know what it looked like?

Thanks to the medicine, it prevented the bracelet from emitting scent. Otherwise the whole room would stink of electricity or whatever Neon said earlier.

“I wish I could just chop it off! I can go with one hand in life, why shouldn’t I?! I can switch to using my left one, anyway!” 

Neon, while texting, laughed to herself.

“Not that I’m saying you should, but– why don’t you? Again, I’m not saying you should!”

You sat back with a deep sigh. Admittedly, you would never willingly amputate your arm. You weren’t that desperate. Or brave.

“Viper said the thing’s implanted in my nervous system, or something. It’s stuck to my brain now.”

“Unlucky…”

She nervously mumbled, continuously spamming Yoru with texts upon texts as you spoke.

“Hey, so, unrelated, how do you feel about Sage?”

“Sage? That healer one?”

Neon nodded and turned to your gaze, setting her phone to silent so that you wouldn’t hear the incoming notifications. She watched you shrug and turn your gaze to the string of pictures and posters hung up in front of you.

“I didn’t see much of her, but she’s nice, I guess. Why’s it always the healers who are nice?”

“What?”

“What?”

“Nothing! Okay, how about this. We talk to Sage, and since she’s nice and stuff, maybe she can help you out?”

You stared at her for a few seconds, before standing up and walking towards the centrepiece of the room, the haven of her plushes and freedom to do the most impossible gymnastics in her sleep.

“Thanks, but I think it’s better if I head to bed.”

“Wait, wait, think about it! She does stuff with her hands, you do stuff with your hands, it’s a match! Right?”

You plopped yourself onto the bed. And like a cocoon, you wrapped the blankets around you, completely concealing yourself. Neon let out a defeated groan.

“Goodnight, Tala.”

“Bah, you’re such a grandma! Who sleeps at nine?”

“Goodnight!”

You announced, and finally convinced her to give up.

She turned towards the door and closed the lights, before giving you one last look.

“I’m gonna introduce them to you, anyway. When you leave this room, they’ll all know who you are!”

“Sure, whatever.”

“I’m warning you!”

Among the maze you formed with the blanket, you somehow managed to slither your responsive hand out to give her a wave, earning a giggle from her.

“Is that permission granted? Thanks! I won’t disappoint you!”

And with that, the door slammed shut, miniscule particles of dust settling after the impact.

[frenchtoastwithabaconsmile]

Earth 42 Miles Struggles (Angst + Au!)

A/N - From a tiktok, Earth 42 Miles is apparently more skinnier than Earth 1610 Miles so... ANGST IDEAS, this is just a fic to show Prowler Miles struggles. To add on my fic, I headcanon that Prowler works with kingpin. I am not sharing the video cause tiktok plays unfair with me and leaks my tiktok account. Alsoo... I'm using a translator so sorry for the bad spanish. Side note, Is it safe to assume Miles is still 16 in this?

Credits go to!

Would like to say thank you for giving me permission to base this off the fic I'm making, that's all ^^!

~~~~~~~~~~~

Miles stood behind Kingpin, his mask over his braided hair as he listened to his conversation with Dr. Olivia. Today was like no other, Kingpin plotting for the collider and Dr. Olivia telling him recent results.

He was not interested, to say the least. All he was worried about was his mom getting enough to eat and finishing his assignments before dawn.

He was getting slimmer and lankier by the second. But he didn't mind. Every time he lifted his shirt, he saw the faint outline of his ribs poking out his skin.

Not to mention his sunken eyes for staying up late to do his assignments and the missions Kingpin makes him go through. With every mission or assassination he has to go through, it's either a new bruise or a scratch or worse, a stitch.

He only sighed at the thought as Dr. Olivia nodded goodbye and Kingpin turned to look at him.

His shoulder couldn't help but tense as Kingpin slowly walked towards him.

"Go along now, I know you still have your homework or something," Kingpin said in his low voice and Miles nodded, his mask disassembling as he sauntered on outside but was suddenly stopped by Kingpin.

"Hey, Miles."

He slowly turned around but unexpectedly his cheeks were suddenly grabbed by Kingpin, dragging him back and pulling him close, Mile's head, cramped in Kingpin's palms.

He winces a little as his clawed gloves grasp onto Kingpin's arms as he's lifted up, one eye closed as he struggles against the grip.

"I heard what happened in the last mission. Don't mess up, alright?" He asks in a harsh whisper, if Kingpin closed his palms out of fury, Miles's head would be squashed.

Nothing much happened during the mission he went on but, if anything did happen, it would be bad for him and Kingpin.

Though killing the last scientist Kingpin assigned him to, the family walked in. It was horrifying for the family and Miles, Kingpin must've heard the news but no worries, he would deal with it.

"Yes, Boss.." He manages to muster. Kingpin shifts his gaze and his glare is bitter.

He clicks his tongue and he throws Miles back down on the ground, harsh and rough, making Miles groan. Miles blinks away stray tears and he gets up, pain shooting up his sides.

He limped on his way out, hissing in pain with each step he took. He rounded a corner and saw Dr. Olivia, already waiting for him with guilt shining in her eyes as she saw Miles holding his sides in pain.

She was different from Kingpin, she did care. She gave him food from time to time but not money. Miles didn't know why she did but he let it happen nonetheless.

He looked up at her and she held a plastic container. "Here, I had some leftovers." She whispered, extending her arm.

Miles used his free hand to take the food and limped past her, Olivia eyeing him as he left Alchemax, his breath shuddering from the pain.

On the way home, he changed out of his Prowler suit and reached home and already saw his mother waiting for him by the table and was expecting what she was gonna say.

"Miles, I can't cook today. Lo siento, cariño." She apologized, rising from her seat and cupping Miles's cheek as he smiled softly, just knowing his mother was safe,

"Te encuentras bien? Estás cojeando.." She muttered as she tucked a braid behind his ear, her eyebrows knitting together, noticing the way he held his side.

"Mom, it's fine. Traje comida." He assured her, holding up the plastic container, her eyes widened as she hesitantly took the food and set it on the table.

"Qué hay de ti?" She asked as Miles moved away from her hands, making his way to his room.

"I won't eat anytime soon... No comeré pronto… Tengo que hacer tareas y la comida se echará a perder porque para entonces ya la habré olvidado." He explained and he glanced over his shoulder.

"Just eat." He said softly and his mother sighed, guilty, her eyes begging him not to shut her out again. He didn't want his mother to be guilty about eating the food all by herself but he wanted his mother to be healthy and well even if he wasn't.

He walked into his room and he sunk in his chair, sighing and staring at the paper laid out before him. His shoulders were aching and his sides were still hurting, had Kingpin thrown him down too rough?

He walked over to the mirror and lifted his shirt, at first, he saw the vague outlines of his ribs on his skin but then, he saw the bruise, placed arrogantly on his sides.

He clicked his tongue and stared at the other scars on his body placed around him. None stuck out, he traced the stitch on his sides and he dropped the shirt, letting it cover him again.

These scars were painful, mentally and physically but he had to ignore those feelings, for his parents. He did this for a reason and complaining was not an option and he had already etched himself too deep in it to stand back.

He went back to the desk and sighed, rubbing his eyes and at that moment, he felt like his eyebags had deepened.

He picked up his pencil and his pen and started working on his assignments, and he wasn't stopping until morning.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A/N - Hello!! Author again, hope you enjoyed that and please, tell me if you want more ^^! Possibly an X reader? Anyways, I'm sorry if it isn't to your liking :( It's okay though, people have different preferences, also credits to gab1sbestie and this hasn't been edited yet so there's gonna be mistakes, I assume. Thank you and that is all, have a great day!

[the-french-belphegor]

Making my way (makinmawaayy) through my @critter-genfic-events bingo card, and this one's filling the "fights" slot! Or rather, "post-fight", which they told me works as well. Also it's set way before the start of the stream, when they're all more acquaintances and travelling companions than the friends and family we see later. They're already buds, though, for the most part.

Posting it on AO3 ASAP Now on AO3! Hope Tumblr doesn't hide the post from the tags! 🤞

(oh yeah, side note: I do know that concentration-based spells get dropped when you either don’t roll high enough to maintain it or when you take too much damage – like both invisibility spells do in DnD. But I liked the idea of being so concussed you don’t remember how to drop a spell :3)

—

Scrambled

Scanlan is pretty sure someone’s calling his name in the distance with a certain amount of worry. It’s okay, he thinks but doesn’t say. He’s gonna get back up any time now. He’s fine.

(Scanlan is more than fine, Scanlan is a godsdamn snack, thank you very much.)

In fact, he might even go as far as to let the word drag, let some notes slide a little: fiiiine. Four ‘i’s should about do it.

(Heh, four ‘i’s. Four eyes. That’s Percy. Where’s Percy?)

So, to recap, Scanlan is fine as hell, and he’s okay because he’s always okay, even with a headache so bad he’s pretty sure his brain is leaking out of his ears. Won’t check, though, that might be gross and his stomach isn’t doing too well either at the moment. Barfing while lying on your back? Yeah, no, bad idea. Of all the ways to die, drowning in his own puke is probably around number… sixty-eight.

Sixty-nine would be, of course, a particularly ill-advised tumble with someone with an ungodly number of teeth and a taste for blood, preferably that of a gnome with more curiosity than sense. As always with sex stuff with consenting adults, though, Scanlan isn’t willing to completely dismiss the idea.

Might be fun to try someday, who knows.

When he’s less tired.

Why’s everything swimming?

Actually asking out loud is out of the question, since for some reason his voice can’t even make it out of his throat, let alone his mouth –

(oh fuck no, if I can’t sing I’m toast, if I can’t play I’m dead, if I can’t talk we’re done)

– so at the price of an effort so bad he almost upchucks everything since the invention of breakfast Scanlan pivots his head juuuust a little to the left.

And sees nothing.

Well, no, not exactly. He sees yellowing grass, some dirt, a bit of sky. But nothing where his shoulder should be, or the rest of him.

…Oh yeah. He made himself invisible a while back. Somewhere between Tiberius’ Fireball, Vex’s arrows, and Percy’s pepperbox and its more-or-less controlled explosions. (Or maybe Percy went before him. Right before the world got very loud, very fast, and then very quiet. Somehow there’s a connection between this and that.) Dropping the invisibility looks like a really good idea, if only Scanlan could remember how. As things stand, he can barely remember to breathe. Oh, and also that the warm stickiness soaking up the back of his head and seeping into his collar is Not A Good Thing – not that there’s a lot he can do about that.

Things are rather quiet now. He must’ve missed the end of the fight.

Seriously, though, where’s Percy? Scanlan can’t hear the usual blasts and somewhere in the shattered mess that is his brain there’s a nagging inkling that it’s a bad sign. Or maybe there’s something else poking at the edges of his mind, he doesn’t know. He’s not exactly up to turning stuff over in his head at the moment. Turning his head was hard enough.

He’s just gonna… chill there for a while. Rest his eyes a little bit.

Which is why he doesn’t spot Vex running over until she drops to a crouch next to him and squashes his hand with her knee for five seconds.

Vex’ahlia is sharp eyes, sharp aim, sharp words, sharp everything. Her knees are no exception. Ow.

“Shit shit shit, fucking shitballs,” Scanlan hears her mutter under her breath as her hands find his head with uncanny precision considering she can’t see him. Her ‘t’s are beautifully defined, her vowels clear and precise. It’s a pity she sings so rarely; most performers would kill to have her diction.

“PIKE!” she yells over her shoulder. “OVER HERE!”

Pike, echoes the part of Scanlan’s mind that’s still functional. It would have been a small, pitiful yearning sound if he’d been able to speak. Thank goodness the word doesn’t pass his lips as is. It’s frankly a little scary just how the thought of her – the first in a while that doesn’t feel fractured in some way – quietens the part of him that’s not watching the proceedings with a detached interest. Pike is fun to flirt with and try to charm; she’s beautiful and radiant and strong, anyone with an appreciation for the female form can see that, so it’s not so surprising that Scanlan always feels drawn to her like a sunflower to sunshine. It’s so easy to let himself get starry-eyed over her, even if she’s so completely out of his league it bypasses sad and goes straight into funny. Scanlan probably is in love with her, a little bit, like he’s a little bit in love with everyone. Just… sometimes… sometimes when he calls her the love of his life he’s not sure he’s joking.

The nausea and the waves of blinding pain relent a little.

Pike?

No, Scanlan corrects himself, Vex, who when he manages to focus for more than a second finds his gaze and holds it. Unerringly.

Which must mean… the hour is up. The spell must be wearing off.

Huh.

“There you are,” says Vex, residual magic still shimmering in her fingers after her low-level Cure Wounds. She must really be tapped out.

There is blood in her hair and one of her feathers is bent at the stem, but the most telling cue that the fight went wrong is the brittle quality of her smile. She’s good at putting up a front, almost as good as Scanlan; insight isn’t Scanlan’s forte, let alone when his head feels like it’s just been cracked open like an egg, but sometimes seeing Vex’ahlia slice her way through life like a knife, just as sharp and just as shiny, is like staring into a warped mirror.

She’s good.

He’s better.

(Usually.)

“How’d you find me?” he croaks.

Vex draws back the hand she was using to prop herself with a couple of inches from his head. Her palm is coated with red.

“Head wounds, darling. They tend to bleed rather a lot.” She cocks her head to the side. “How did you even end up all the way here in the first place?”

Scanlan’s memories still feel like a scattered jigsaw, but at least now the pieces are right side up. What he puts together isn’t very glorious. Getting punted into a rock by a giant who only heard you and who was supposed to go down easily isn’t anything to brag about. At least he can always quip about it.

“Well,” he wheezes out with a grin that might work better without the blood in his teeth, “I got got.”

Then he remembers why the giant whirled round blindly and whacked him with his club. He’d been out of any useful magic, trying to sneak up on it with a fucking sword, of all things, because the big dumb fucknut had somehow gotten hold of—

“Shit, Percy – where’s Percy?”

Vex’s own smile gets wry and just a little shaky at the corner.

“He got got,” she says. There’s a story there, but at least Vex doesn’t look like it ended in tragedy. Instinctively Scanlan relaxes into his headache. “Don’t worry, though. Pike reached him in time and Grog and Keyleth got the giant.”

Oh. Good. Percival Freakystein von Mussels Colossal de Rolo III is one scary motherfucker with his pepperbox and his glasses and his devastating one-liners, but he’s still squishy as hell. Plus, well, he’s so young – Scanlan is fairly sure he’s twice, maybe three times older. The kid must be, what, mid-twenties tops? That’s way too young to die, especially having experienced so little of what the world has to offer. Scanlan would bet anything the stuck-up nerd has never taken anyone to bed, for the gods’ sake.

They’re all assholes, in the SHITs, sort of (except Pike, of course, and probably Keyleth too) but Scanlan likes them. If the universe suddenly decides that an asshole has to get killed today, he’d rather it be him rather than one of the others.

Still, nobody needs to know that.

“Worry, me? Please, I never worry.”

“I know you don’t, darling. I’m just updating you on what you missed while you were having a kip.”

Vex’s tone is even, her words light, and yet when Scanlan meets her gaze it’s like crossing blades. Somehow it also feels like grasping hands in reassurance and honestly it unnerves him a little. He prefers to know where they stand, and usually he does: he’ll downplay close calls and tell lewd jokes to alleviate the tension, while she’ll be sarcastic and magnificent and not call him out on his lies on the occasion she sees through them. But sometimes she reminds him that both twins are like blades, swift and sharp in more than one way, and in some of them she’s the sharpest. Gods, she’s terrifying.

He’s saved from having to retort something by the metallic rustle of ring mail over heavy cotton as Pike rushes up to him. Perspiration left traces in the dirt smudged across her face and her dark hair is mussed, whole locks coming out of her braided bun. She smells like sweat and leather and a little like wild strawberries, and she’s the most beautiful thing Scanlan’s ever seen.

Pike doesn’t lose a second with platitudes; she just gives him a very professional once-over, almost clinical in its efficiency, then cups his face with her hands with a look of intense concentration, eyes closed. The healing spell she pours into him feels so potent it’s practically an out-of-body experience. For a couple of seconds all Scanlan feels is warmth, clean and bright and fierce, and when he opens eyes he doesn’t remember closing his ears are still ringing.

Although that might be the blood loss.

Which would also neatly explain how weak he still is, especially when Pike’s face goes soft.

“You okay?” she asks quietly.

There are so many answers he could give her.

I am now – with a wink and a nod.

I want to have your babies – with a theatrical gesture that will make her laugh.

I am if you are – with his heart in a smile. (NOPE.)

“I’m always okay,” Scanlan finally says with a grin, hoping for an echo.

Which he gets, so points to him for being awesome. Pike Trickfoot should always have a reason to smile.

Vex snorts and somehow still manages to make it sound classy as hell.

“Sure. Which is why the only reason I found you at all was the random pool of blood on the ground thirty feet from where we thought you were. You’re lucky I’m a good tracker.”

“Fair, fair,” he says with a careful nod. “Although that could’ve been from some forest critter that met a grisly end.”

“Please, this much blood, and this fresh? How dumb do you think I am?”

Scanlan sits up on his elbows and counts off on his fingers. “One, that’s gross – two, ‘dumb’ is the last of things that you are and you know it all too well – three, thank you for saving my life – four, that’s still so gross, oh my gods. What’d you do, sniff out my lifeblood?!”

“It was me or Trinket,” says Vex, looking way more smug than she has any right to. “It just so happens I beat him at the game of ‘spot the invisible gnome’. You know, before he dies on us.”

“Oh no. What a loss that would be. Such a young, useful bear, too.”

“How scrambled did your brains get? I meant you, you dick.”

Her peeved expression eases just as quickly as the smugness hardened into a glare, and she smiles at Pike before straightening up and striding off toward the others. Her perfect hips swing subtly as she walks, in an unassuming way Scanlan knows from experience requires a lot of work. He’d find her so hot if she wasn’t so scary.

(Well, he does find her extremely hot, if only because she could break him with either a gesture or a word, but despite popular belief Scanlan Shorthalt isn’t that reckless. Even he can weigh the pros and cons occasionally before deciding that diving in headfirst isn’t a good idea.)

There’s a snort on his right, and his whole world is Pike again.

“I really don’t get your little war on Trinket,” she says, but there’s a twinkle in her eyes.

“When he starts landing actual hits on whatever we’re fighting or even just holding his own more than two minutes, I might reconsider. Right now he’s just a glorified pack mule.”

“He’s plenty useful. He gives the best massages, for one thing. And he’s a good boy.”

I can be a good boy, Scanlan almost retorts, but refrains at the last minute. The lie is too big to work, even as a joke, and he doesn’t like the sliver of truth behind it, like the glint of a blade. So he settles for a fake disgruntled huff and a grin.

Nothing falls off as he picks himself up with Pike’s help, so that’s good news. He just has to suppress a shiver at the congealed blood, now gone cold, that makes the top of his shirt stick to his back. His ponytail is a mess, a clump of matted hair half glued to his neck. Ugh, he hates having to wash blood out of his hair.

His usual armour is back on, though. Pike doesn’t seem to notice the shiver; the look of slight worry she gives him has a general fight-almost-gone-very-bad flavour of ‘are you okay’ to it.

“I am glad you didn’t get scrambled,” she says in a rare mix of bluntness and thoughtfulness that’s uniquely Pike. “You know, for good. I mean, you looked pretty bad there for a moment.”

“Aw, Pikey-pants,” Scanlan says in a singsong voice, “don’t tell me you were worried.”

Pike gives a half shrug, which he feels because she’s thrown one of his arms over her shoulders and is supporting some of his weight.

“Oh well, you know,” she says in an offhand voice, a little high-pitched, “a little? You’re never silent this long, and then Grog and I couldn’t find you, and then Keyleth said she heard the giant hit something with his club, and then—”

“Well, you don’t need to worry about me, okay? Never worry about me.” He smiles, big and toothy, to counter the frown she gets sometimes when he says things like that. “I mean, there’s really no need. I’m awesome! I’m Burt Reynolds!”

This at least gets a smile with the hint of a smirk. Still sweet, though, because Pike could make (and has made) even the bluntest blow feel sweet.

“Esquire.”

Scanlan nods carefully, mock-serious. “Right, right, ‘Esquire’.”

“Shouldn’t forget that bit.”

“No, I should not.”

She smiles at him, sharp but warm, and there it is again – the sudden urge to say something stupid, make a joke, deflect, like raised hackles, because what if she gets the true measure of him? (‘And doesn’t like what she sees’ goes without saying. There’s a reason Scanlan spent the last couple of decades carefully building himself up.)

Being a charismatic bastard means sometimes you can afford to coast on charm alone. He grins and changes the subject, as swift and dextrous as a knife in Vax’s hand, and that’s it. Matters closed.

Honestly, he’d have to be a lot more scrambled than that for it not to work.

“No, Grog, there’s already a troll dick in the bag of holding, we’re not keeping a giant dick as well!”

…Plus there’s always the next distraction. That works, too.

—

(until it doesn’t, but he doesn’t know that yet!)

I started writing this on a whim and then couldn’t decide who I wanted to find Scanlan between Vex, Vax and Pike – so I decided to sort it out with a d20, set the DC at 20 (“hard”, because he’s invisible) and roll a perception check for each member of VM using their proficiencies at level 10 (the earliest character sheets of theirs Critrolestats have). Both Pike and Grog rolled a natural 1 :’( Keyleth and Percy got a 9, and even with +10 and +7 respectively for perception they failed the check; Vax got 26 (rolled a 16 with +10 perception) and then Vex got the same number but by rolling a nat 20! Plus her passive perception is 22, so that makes sense. And she was top of my list anyway, so ^^

(I spun the whump wheel a couple of times, thinking I’d get a good handful of prompts for some short snippets (like <1k words) and then happened on “concussion” and. Well. Someone clearly had a lot of thoughts about that one...)

[thelampisaflashlight]

Choose Your Own Bea's Adventure 5

(Previous Part Here)

Your name is Mountain, and you are an ageless, near immortal demon risen from the pit in the unholy form of a ghoul.

You've lived countless lives whilst on the surface.

You've loved and lost more times than you can count.

Once a husband.

Twice a father, perhaps more.

You can't count the ones you don't know about.

A woodcutter.

A killer.

A penitent man.

Right now, though, you're just Mountain.

You live and work on the abbey's grounds as a gardener, while also doing the lord below's bidding by performing rituals across the globe along with your pack during the touring season.

It's the off season now.

You're home.

...And you're worried out of your goddamned mind about your stupid fucking co-worker who lives in the woods.

Okay, it might be mean to call her stupid, but you can't help it if your words have more bite to them as you bound across the field separating you from the wilder parts of the abbey's grounds to rescue her dumb ass.

From the moment you picked up your phone, rattling on your bedside table, left on vibrate, and saw her name pop up on the screen, you knew it couldn't be for a "good" reason.

Any time she calls you, any time she sends more than a brief text or an outline of her schedule for the day, it's because she's done something bad.

Not always bad-bad, but it's usually bad enough to warrant a long, long talk.

And the moment you hear that nervous little titter to her voice, you know something is very wrong.

It's enough to make you sit up in bed, the mattress protesting as you squash down the already worn springs, and then when the line goes dead quiet...

"Shit, shit, shit, shit-"

You're almost to the lake when you see the fast flickering of a light in the distance on the other side and-

"BITCHASS, SNAKE MOTHERFUCKER, I'M GONNA PISS ON EVERYTHING YOU KNOW AND LOVE!"

You'd know that foul mouth anywhere.

"BEA!"

You don't hesitate to make your may around the lake, shouting all the way.

"BEA, STOP!"

"WHAT?!"

"TURN YOUR LIGHT OFF! STOP! TURN IT OFF!"

She looks between you and the large serpent looming over her with the most perturbed expression you've yet to see her make... but she stops.

The serpent shakes its head and blinks, clearing its vision, letting out a huff before coiling in on itself and lowering itself to the ground.

"...Oh thank fuck." you look at the snake, "Are you okay?"

"I'm-" Bea starts, then looks at you offended, "You're talking to the giant fucking snake??"

You pat the snake on the head as it nods, before turning your attention to Bea, who's now scooching further away from the snake and you.

"Are you okay?" you ask, offering your hand to her, but she just just scowls at you, "What?"

"Oh, so you care now?" she spits, trying, and failing, to stand up.

"I came all the way out here to help you and you-"

"Yeah! And you asked the thing that was going to fucking EAT me if it's okay before even checking to see if I was okay!"

"Because Rain is photosensitive in this form!"

"You- THAT'S RAIN?!"

...

Your name is Rain.

You're a snake right now, but normally you're a dude.

You have no idea what's going on right now.

All you remember is that you went to take a nap at the bottom of the lake and woke up to get a snack.

You swallowed a moose whole.

It was rad.

But then you heard someone running around in the woods, and you thought, "Huh, I should see what's happening."

And then you got blinded by the rapid flickering of a flashlight.

And now Mountain is here.

...Having a domestic with a woman you kind of recognize.

Mountain and her are friends(?).

Also she smacked you with a pool skimmer once because you were playing dead in the abbey's pond.

You look between the two.

[castlebyersafterdark]

im sorry but the way you shouted IT'S BAD SEX! at the end of your rant is sending me hahahhahahaha

like you're finally taking out all the times you were wronged by someone who gave you a bad time via shouting at all of us hahahahhaha

people who are bad at sex absolutely should be told 😂😂 (if they are being selfish, not if theyre just starting out or trying etc)

i'm thinking of poor mike in your new fic as well, why do i feel like he's going to be the worse one at the start? will is an artist, that's why; a sensitive and sensual person who will be an absolute natural at anything involving soft touch and the senses and empathy. he'll know how to touch mike so tenderly. mike, i think, makes up for clumsiness in his eagerness. he's dreamed of it too, but he hasn't had as long to settle into the idea in practicality, while will has spent YEARS dreaming of how exactly he would caress mike and where. mike may find himself accidentally sliding off the bed or knocking something over as he tries to fold his long limbs around will. will is absolutely getting squashed at some point. and mike gets cramp for sure. they both go red and get heat rashes, but mike's shows up worse. i love them both haha 😂

Hahaha you can imagine me pacing around the floor, ranting away, and throwing my hands up in exasperation in the end. Accurate. Definitely speaking from life experience ughhhhhh ahhhhhhh

And oh, these boys. Mike is going to go through it, and I'm so excited to both make and ruin his day via fic 😈😈 EAGER is the key there, and a little too in his head about everything, a little clumsy, talking way too much, etc. Also feeling waaaaay too good from Will and internally panicking about finishing too soon and trying to take his time with Will, but just wantingnto go forbit and ohhhh that boy has no technique yet - no idea what he's doing. And they feel good and it's a lot of fun for them and thrilling to finally have sex with each other but oh, it's very much not great?? But first times may not be great. Your body has literally never made these moves before, it's been all mental fantasy and imagination - they wouldn't even have had porn to watch for reference, right or wrong. Instinct carries but not all the way!

Everything you said - yes yes yes. Cannot wait to write this ridiculous idea. It's fun because I'm treating the story with care and it's about sex of course, so the vision is there, the descriptors are there and it'll be appealing to read - but it's not gonna be intended to be super hot. It's funny and awkward and realistic, mostly. I think that's really fun to depict.