#bad headspace atm man…

[scorch-cake]

I should start actually sleeping with my plushies now that I’ve successfully convinced the dogs to stay off my bed at night

[midwinterhunt]

Notice: Hostiles inbound. All non-combatants evacuate.

The automated evacuation notice only ever meant that all the humans were too busy to give real instruction. Did we have time to evacuate? Hell, did we have enough manpower to hold off the Imps long enough for the others to escape?

I was on my feet and sprinting through our temp base to thrown on some armor and grab a weapon faster than anyone else could even head to the rear escape. I couldn't have been much more than fourteen at the time. Just a kid who was armoring up next to the adults of Phoenix Squadron.

A hand wrapped around my wrist and stopped me reaching for a blaster, "What do you think you're doing?"

I looked up, "Commander." He was a full head taller than me, "Cadet Parsco, reporting for duty!"

From the look of disbelief, irritation, and concern on his face, this isn't the answer he wanted. "I made you a cargo pilot because you're smart! That doesn't make you a cadet! Get out of here with the civilians!"

And I just stood there gaping at him like a fish. A fish whose voice cracked when he tried to argue, "But Sir! I'm as good a shot as anyone! I'm a fighter! I can help!"

"You're not a real-"

On pure reflex I bared my teeth, "A real what?"

The ground shook and rocks fell from the ceiling above. A woman, a pilot of one of our few stolen fighters, slid to a stop behind the Commander, "Phoenix Leader! They're here! The civilians are in the tunnels, we need to lead the Imperial units away."

"I'm on my way!" The Commander said, and he crouched to be just shorter than me. "We're out of time. You're not really a soldier yet, but I can't let you get killed. Stay close to me, shoot the enemy, get my ship ready to fly by the time I get in. Got it?" He gave me a blaster rifle and sprinted toward the fight.

That was my first battle. And it was chaos. Well, okay, it was one of the easier battles I've lived through, but at the time I was scared shitless and overwhelmed with confusion. I only took one shot, to the leg, and Phoenix Leader had to finish our way to the ship carrying me. It was also my first time shooting a man. A Stormtrooper tried to drag me out of the ship while Phoenix Leader got us in the air. And we both learned the reason the Alliance never stole Imperial Imperial armor. When I shot that man in the helmet visor it went right through and into his face.

My Commander praised me, but I'd felt sick. I couldn't eat a full meal for weeks, and that was the first time I really had a bad nightmare flare up.

I wouldn't say it got easier to kill, but I learned how to deal with it. When you're in a war, you don't have time to process the guilt of everyone whose life you take. Instead I became a better shot, a better pilot, a better thief. I made buddies who went with me to liberate prisoners, supplies, and ships. We hit the Empire any chance we got. And some days, like today, we end up in a bigger fight than we expected.

This was shortly after losing Purple squad. And only days after losing Rin. I... wasn't in the best headspace. I was keeping watch while other Alliance members landed on a small moon to mine some raw fuel, since buying it wasn't an option atm. Unfortunately, in Imperial space, even mining it yourself isn't entirely safe.

Three Imp scout ships picked us up on scans and closed in. "Bogies inbound! Wrap it up and move out!" It was me and three other fighters escorting a freighter. We outnumbered the Imps, we were all confident we could get out without trouble.

Never be confident.

I won't bore you with space battle details. It was really standard distraction stuff to let our freighter pilot and crew escape with the fuel. Right up until the Imp reinforcements arrived. We had to switch to a defensive position on a dime, TIEs overwhelming and blocking us in.

Whatever commander was in charge of this sector must have heard Rebel ships were here and assumed we were a serious operation because no one brings in an entire star destroyer for a squad of five small ships.

I saw one of us shot down and another break free before my fighter took a hit to the left engine. I lost control and careened into a TIE fighter. With the way my head snapped, I was pretty sure I had whiplash. However, that was not high on my priority list. I had a much bigger fucking problem; namely: Me and that TIE were spiraling toward the planet entirely out of control.

Oh yeah.

And I had crashed into it and we were now stuck, so I couldn't even crash gently.

I got my systems back online as we entered the atmosphere. My systems promptly starting screaming warnings at me. Like, no shit dipstick, I don't need told about my imminent demise I need my remaining engine to-

Oh yeah that's better.

My thruster fired up enough to get some control over my downward spiral.

Yes that was literal, but it was also applicable to my mental state.

I managed to get my ship in a strong enough spin to break off from the TIE, which was good. But the ground was still on a fast approach, which was bad.

I pulled up hard, and leveled out just enough to aim my crash into a small lake, which was great.

Even in the water, the impact slammed me forward again and now i was sinking into the water, which massively sucked. Namely because I never learned how to fucking swim.

Yeah I know shut up, I grew up in space alright?

This is why I keep a rebreather on me.

I put the rebreather in my mouth and unbuckled my harness, and before I could think better of it I opened the hatch. Water rushed in and tugged me in a spiral before it settled.

Something they don't depict in holotapes: opening your eyes under water is fucking hard. And even if you manage it you can't see shit. Oh, and on top of that a rebreather goes in your mouth only, and you have to learn to keep water from going up your nose so I still almost drowned anyway before I managed to get my fingers to hold my nose closed.

Yay me.

I blindly dragged myself along the lake bed with one hand for however long that took until I finally crawled up to shore and just flopped onto my back in the mud. And in an ideal world I would just be stranded. But this is me, and I've never had an ounce of good luck in my life.

"Letting them escape is NOT an option! Sweep the area again!" That was the voice of some bucket head captain. Wonderful.

I got to my feet like a drenched loth cat and made my way into the trees. (And if you say I should have gone back into the water I will shoot you I swear.)

Apparently while I was submerged several other troopers had landed and recovered the crash survivor and were now looking for me. And I was fairly certain they figured out where I crashed because they hovered over the lake for a scan. I went the opposite direction.

I assume the Imps picked up my footprints because a squad of them tried to pin my down and capture me.

Emphasis on tried.

I still had my blaster pistol on me which was more than enough to take out five bucket heads. The idiots hadn't even thought they needed to call in backup.

The sun set and it began to grow dark and chilly. It almost felt like this portion of the planet was in early autumn. That wasn't ideal for someone who was still damp from a swim a couple hours ago. I found an outcropping of rock to shelter under. Above me I heard TIEs make sweeps of the area. I flipped them off.

It's normal for me to be sleepless, even more so when I'm in hostile terrain. So I was instantly alert when I heard footsteps above me on top of my rocky roof. I readied my blaster, and barely breathed.

I heard a branch break, then the sound of loose stones giving way, then a scream, then a body came crashing down not two meters away from me. He groaned, we made eye contact, he jumped to his knees and fumbled his blaster before managing to point it at me with shaky hands.

"Don't move!" I barked, my barrel pointing at his face.

And I got a good look at him. He was wearing TIE pilot armor, his badly damaged helmet lay nearby. From the bruise on his head I could tell the damned thing hadn't protected him like it should. He was probably the pilot I had dragged into a crash earlier. He looked younger than me by a few years.

There was a moment where we just pointed our blasters at each other. I hesitated, he hesitated. He clearly didn't know how to handle a standoff, I did. I knew I should shoot first. My breath hitched. I shouldn't hesitate. Young or not, he was a soldier for the Empire. They had taken everything from me.

A glint in the edge of my vision tore my attention for a split second. A silvery bird landed on a branch just above us, its feathers reflecting the moon so brightly it was like a little star.

And then, our little outcrop echoed with a gentle tune. The bird sang softly, both of us were uneasy, but we didn't surrender or break are stares.

Then more of the same birds settled in and joined in harmony. Soon there was dozens of voices, singing to us as if this was a warm summer day and not a chilly dark night waiting for blood to spill.

And then I saw it. He wasn't just a kid, he was barely a cadet. Probably the age I was in my first battle. He looked like this was his first time facing an enemy in real life. And he looked terrified. I remembered that feeling. That fear of being scared to die, but scared to kill. The feeling when you realize a fight to the death isn't like the motivational speeches of your leaders. That being here changed who you are forever.

Sometimes I still get that feeling.

Like right now.

A chorus of birdsong embraced us and carried through the trees. It felt like we were falling again, spiraling together from someplace high into our inevitable deaths. But we had survived it once, and standing there with nature itself coming to soothe us, I knew that we could do it again.

This boy wasn't personally responsible for anything I'd gone through. I knew I didn't want my own anger and grief to bait me into mutual destruction.

I slowly lowered my blaster and he tense, his finger twitching on his trigger. I crouched down onto one knee and held my hands out, "I don't want to kill you."

I could see him trembling, his breath picking up pace. His eyes darted around at all the warmly singing birds, then he lowered his rifle and took a faltering step back.

I released a tense breath. "Thank you. You don't belong to the Empire. They will make you kill until you grow numb to it, they will make you hate anyone who is different, they will strip you of who you are. Believe me, you don't want to go back."

He had tears in his eyes, then we both heard more troopers getting closer, talking into their comms. I whipped my head and blaster behind me to make sure we weren't in sight, and when I turned back to convince that pilot to join the Rebellion, he was already almost completely gone through the trees.

Maybe he was running, but I believe running toward your freedom is an acceptable reason to flee.

I still haven't seen that boy again, but I hope he's living a peaceful life somewhere. He taught me an important lesson that night. He showed me that I can't imagine my enemy as a purely evil faceless monster. No. They are many fairly average people who buy into the propaganda and choose to fight for what they think they deserve.

[song]

[abiiors]

Not quite the same but I'm going through something similar with a friend (someone i haven't known for that long but we became very close very quickly).

She is recently divorced after over 20 years and has a lot of issues but she's terrified of being alone so she's chatting to every guy online who takes an interest, going on dates within days then moaning when they're not right. Goes back to "right, no men, I'm focusing on work and the girls and me!". Then a day later, she's back at it. It's exhausting and really self centred as it's all she goes on about. She's met someone now, likes him, had several dates and video calls. Then apologised for not being around much for me, not enough hours etc. Day later: "what if no one ever loves me again??". I didn't know if she'd dumped him, he'd turned out to be a twat or what but I couldn't do it so just said "look I'm really struggling myself at the moment, I'm sorry but I'm not in the headspace to help you with this". Not a lie, I've been genuinely struggling. But I could not take any more lengthy chats of giving her advice and comforting her, only for her to ignore it as before. Turns out nothing major had happened, she was just a bit anxious about a new relationship, which I get. But god, is it tiring.

this is legit EXACTLY how i've been feeling about it. like we are all in our 20s, she deserves to go out and have fun and sleep around, i fully understand. but we used to have conversations about books we liked and things we watched and our interests and hobbies and whatever else. now i fully dread opening messages from her because it's always some variation of "there is a man". and yes, same, she goes on dates with them, sometimes they go well, sometimes they don't but she always finds something to complain about and i have often gotten calls from her at like 11:30 after a date to complain which i genuinely hate. but i can't just ignore the calls because what if she's in genuine need of help...

anyway, i've tried pointedly changing the topic. i've tried showing very little interest. the pettiest thing i have done until now is replying to a "i'm texting a man" text with "when are you not". idk if that doesn't get the message across then what will (ik ik direct conversation but we also work together and i don't want to make things awkward)

and like you said, i'm not doing great atm, i don't have the energy to care about bad dates and random men. it is so so exhausting.

[krazyyy]

.

[joshuamj]

Okay mini rant cuz ugghhhh

Man some of yall need to chill a bit with the shipping stuff :/.. again, im on the fence about it cuz i like them as friends, but its also a p cute ship but, like bro, i see a lot of people complaining about heteronormativity and stuff, and ive even seen a few people claim gus x hunter is a better ship?? (Which??? EW NO) Like no, some of yall r just hating on a m/f ship. I used to be like that too honestly, where id irrationally hate a lot of m/f ships, but i got over that thankfully. And having like ONE m/f ship in toh is not forcing heteronormativity or anything!! Its not that deep/serious!! Like bro, we already have w/w and w/nb ships (that r both canon!), having one kid have a crush on a girl is not that bad

Hunter can have a crush. Crushes can happen quickly upon meeting someone! Claiming it makes no sense or that theyre pushing hetero bs is just Not True.

And obviously people are allowed to not like it! Sometimes u just dont vibe with a ship! Some people had aro headcanons! Some think the romance should wait since hunters probably not in the right headspace for a relationship! (Although thats not even a problem atm, he can have a crush, it doesnt mean theyre in a relationship yet) All thats valid! But man are some people just making this ship seem evil or smthn.

[thenihilistofthevoid]

———  basics! ♡

(PEN)NAME:  Romana. If you know my real name then In trust you, but I’m not one to kiss and tell.

PRONOUNS:  he / him

ZODIAC SIGNS:  sagittarius

TAKEN OR SINGLE:  A single pringle, but not for long with a bit of luck

TIME ZONE:  Greenwich Mean Time.

———  three  facts! ♡

On a weight loss journey... Never said I was successful. Chocolate is too good and I am merely a humble man.

Multilingual, not fluent in any of them though. Studying Japanese ATM.

I play too much TTRPGs.

———  experience ! ♡

Blimey, this is going back a bit... I’d say I started RPing around 2010, I was on Facebook (cringe) looking for fandom stuff when I discovered an RP page. Made one for a few characters, my first ever being Ryou Bakura from Yugioh and things got worse from there. The Facebook days were edgy, cringe and where I stopped being quite so bad at this. Then forum RPs happened and I joined Tumblr, where I’ve sat in my dank little corner ever since with Saburo, my horrid little scrunkly.

———  muse preference !  ♡

Kinda deep into Jojo atm as my current hyperfixation, though right now it’s battling Three Body Problem for headspace. I wouldn’t mind giving canon characters from various series a proper go, the problem is icons and where to put them since this is turning into the random multimuse from Satan’s arsecrack.

———  FLUFF / ANGST / SMUT! ♡    

FLUFF:  Fluff is nice on those hard days. I may engage in more of it, if work gets any worse.

ANGST:  I love me so angst especially if paired with fluff for a hit of that heaven and hell. It needs to have a reason and it can’t be pure angst, we’re not trying to recreate the Shadow the Hedgehog 2006 game anymore. But yes, send me your angst.

SMUT:  Smut’s good, but I’m not super into porn without plot. Sure, sometimes my muses will be horny on main and I’ll have to beat them off with a shitty stick, but if we’ve RPed other stuff before I don’t mind giving it a go.

PLOT / MEMES:  Loads of plots, I love my AUs and have more verses than I know what to do with. I also RB memes pretty often, so chuck one of those at me with what the symbol means or I’m going to stare blankly at your ask like someone’s just unplugged my brain trying to decipher your funny words magic man.

tagged: @tacitusauxilium​ (Ta)

tagging: The usual suspects, so @the-winter-dork-rp , @electricea , @leafstcne​ , @heromuses , @goldenboygio and anyone else who would like to do it!

[itsmariejanel]

get to know me - 2022

i was tagged by @literalite and @sadnesshotline, thanks for tagging me, it has been a while since i’ve talked a bit about me (:

favourite colour: yeah, i’m gonna be that basic bish that says black, but ya know, it is what is it. i also like red

currently reading: currently, nothing. i aim to finish the song of achiles someday, i’ve just not been in the headspace to read ig

currently watching: ok sooo, anime im watching jjk and i also watched vox machina recently. but! i heard bridgerton is coming back, so imma be watching that, and peaky blinders ofc! i might also watch full metal alchimist, i miss my beloved tiny man edward elric 

last song I listened to: bad idea - blind channel ; this song has a grip on me atm 

sweet/savory/spicy: SWEEETTTT, always 

currently working on:

sim wise: sooo, i’ve been working on my character page for a week, (its finally done woohoo), i had some edit ideas that i want to do, but i have a new chapter written out, and i wanna get into story again :) so hopefully, my head is gonna be in the right headspace soon, fingers crossed

real life: god, work... physiotherapy :) i wanna get into working out again! and tomorrow gonna be watching batmann!!! im so excited i cant even contain myself <3

tagging tagging taggggiiiinnnnggggg @astystole (assyhole) @bauhauzzz @moodnamars @orphyd @tartiish @browntrait @wirefiish @moonsonnet and everyone who wants to do this, smooches u 

[mallowstep]

I’m thinking about writing a short OC piece about Windclan and I’d love to see your notes about its culture and the hymns you’ve written so far, everything you’ve done for Windclan appreciation month has really inspired me :)

hello anon!

alright, first things first: please send me ur piece when ur done if you're comfortable doing so! i will publish it from you, or if you don't want to be associated with it in Any Way, i will also just read it and add it to the queue with no indication why it's there. or if you don't want me to share it at all, i'd still like to read it.

as for your ask,

hymns?

i'm working on it. however, underneath the read more, i'll include a few snippets for u.

culture

alright, i'm just going to post links with some commentary as i go. feel free to ask any more questions you have.

windclan (search) | windclan (tag) | wcam tag | five clans (narrative essays)

i would link the elders den, but there's no windclan stories in there ATM.

moving on, i'm just going to go through posts in reverse chronological order.

tallstar taking a mate admittedly, this is more about cats and sexuality than windclan, but i provide the commentary that windclan...has a particular view on sexuality and fluidity. one thing i haven't explored but should is the role visiting cats have in windclan.

whoops that's a code word, my plug for solacefruit has been activated. okay, as you may be aware, based on the fact that i have a whole tag for it, i'm obsessed with solacefruit. now, i love everything they do, but i would like to point you particularly to "make a mighty sound" for a fantastic exploration of this idea.

i don't want to spoil anything, but i do think windclan, and maybe cats as a whole, but windclan has a certain view towards relationships that very much breaks them into pieces. i'm a "love is a verb" person, so the idea that you can grow to love someone romantically by going through the actions of love makes sense. not to say you will, but you can.

(to be clear i'm not out advocating for arranged marriages just saying that they can work, they're not destined to be bad, and there's a difference between forced marriage and arranged marriage.)

anyway.

this was a lot of words to say, cats do not have a human (and particularly, western/american) understanding of relationships, which makes analyzing them in those terms difficult.

early hymn talk i'll probably say more below, but it is here.

general ibtwicm notes might get you into the headspace for some of my choices in ibtwicm.

i don't have a ton to say because this pretty much all holds, but uh, yeah.

poetry and language this isn't strictly about windclan, but it does explain some of what i think about when writing hymns.

obviously, i'm writing english translations, but these general themes are what i have in mind. it's also part of why i say i don't think i'll ever release a "full hymnal" for windclan, because i don't know if my weak worldbuilding heart could take it if i only had translations.

names part two very much not about windclan, but just some thoughts on names. as i've said before, i support all names and worldbuilding equally, but if you want my thoughts on names, go buckwild.

clan culture fic rec list just stuff i think does a good job, if you want other sources of inspiration.

general clan culture notes this is really old, but it mostly holds.

i've obviously expanded a lot on windclan since i wrote it, so shrug? idk man.

alright, i'm going to move into hymn discussion below the cut, but best of luck! and i hope u have a good time. it makes my brain shut down to read that i inspired you, straight up got brain juice pouring out of my ears, but i'm really, really happy to hear that.

windclan holds a special place in my heart. (i know my oc avatar is from skyclan shhh it's because of the backstory he sees ghosts.) but i grew up in this super sporty household as a lil asthmatic klutz, and running was a sport i couldn't mess up, so of course windclan appealed to me.

they're actually third on my list of favorite clans, but they. it's a special place in my heart that they hold, especially after reading dawn of the clans and moth flight's vision, where i got an asthmatic cat and an adhd cat, both in windclan.

god i should reread dotc it's good.

alright, here's the deal on hymns: i am not going to fight to get duets to post correctly. there's a 0% chance i can in tumblr's wonky ass new editor with no markdown, not to mention how difficult it would have been in the old editor. so i'm going to talk a lil about what i've got, and post some stanzas that i think don't get explored a lot in ibtwicm.

we're discussing these in the order that they go in. a reminder that these are all sections of one epic poem. that said, i don't know where the gaps are. like, i don't know what's between these, if that makes sense.

the wind

the wind, the very first hymn. this is an ode to, well, windclan. it's a song about everything that makes them them. it's filled with poetry about the wind, about the seasons, and it's just...well, it's a bit of a genesis, in a way.

The wind — like the rain, like the river — calls the name of each star in its breath. The wind — like the earth, like the stone — anchors us to our home. The wind — like the sun, like the sky — is knowable only by name.

i wanted to share this stanza because the last line doesn't show up in ibtwicm (at least so far, i cut the reference), and it really, really, makes a difference imo.

anyway, windclan is basically tying the wind in with every other fundamental part of their life here.

they are the wind, and that's that.

the hare

okay, this one has a line that comes up a lot in ch1, but i already talked about that, so instead, i'm going to talk about this stanza

Speak of the earth and the dens, and you will be answered: By the call of the howling gales, the open earth singing in response. But speak of that which grows above, of the grass and field, And you will be answered by the softness of the buds and the roots.

okay, we get deadfoot thinking about this when he's talking to yellowfang.

i like this stanza because it really tells us what the hare is about. now, hares are not something windclan catches. hares are huge, y'all, there's no way they take one down. i take liberties with ecology, but not that many.

(i.e., a team of cats definitely could take one down, but i know too much, and would prefer letting team hunting stay a plot thing, and not fundamentally alter the environment in the way it would.)

now anyway, all of these hymns come from the time of the tunnelers. and the point of this is, even though the work of tunnelers and moor runners is disconnected, they fundamentally affect each other.

a moor runner must trust the hollows of the earth beneath them won't collapse, and a tunneler must trust that the prey they chase up will be caught.

it's all very symbiotic and is, well, in a way, a love poem. plus i really like the line "the open earth singing in response"

of the warrens

so this has one line, one you might not even know is a hymn, in ch1, but i'll share the whole stanza.

And as for the subject of fallow fields: Fallowed fields make for hungry prey, Yet hungry prey makes desperate rabbits, Who leap into our claws.

and ig my big point is, the hymns are a cultural artifact. just like many of the rules in the old testament have to do with hygiene things being codified into religion, this whole hymn is about hunting advice.

the moon on the river

okay, out of all the hymns, this is the most complete, and because ashfoot and deadfoot sing it together, and deadfoot discusses it, i only have one stanza to share.

Under the coldness, you shine back at me, And I do everything to keep the clouds from threatening you.

now, this poem is about love, grief, and being separated. it's a particular kind of grief, and windclan discourages grief, so this is one of only a few ways to really, fully express it.

and this section, in particular, is about love in times of hardship.

i don't have. a lot to say here. but the way hardship changes how you love someone can be particular and intense.

(temporarily, this happens sometime before "Spare for my chosen few / All I have is given towards the distant ground.")

the gorse in the wind

oh shit! i have so fucking much to say okay first.

the series title does not come from this hymn.

second, this is a challenging hymn okay. fuck. i have so much to say. where to start so! moors are actually relatively wet. think british countryside, not, like, a cool desert.

this is something i always knew? i read the secret garden a lot as a kid. but. i've seen stuff about moors being dry, and it's just one of those things that really...starts to eat under your skin. anyway.

okay, so. gorse is a dry plant. it does not like rain. it grows in sandy soil, etc etc, and yet. aside from everything we know about gorse and warriors, it also grows in this moor. because i say so.

okay, so. so so so. the lines quotes here are really deceptive, and i bet no one understood why, and that makes me just a little sad, but i couldn't find a good way to explain it in text, so uh, yeah, anyway. there's an exchange between ashfoot and deadfoot: "THE GORSE: You called me the heather and I grew stronger. / THE WIND: I called you the heather and brought rain for you to grow."

so...so do you see? do you see the point? it's about communication, needs, challenging each other. fadskj;l i love this. okay, so. the point is that heather is fragile, soft, pretty, and gorse is the opposite. the part of the wind is trying to be kind and complimentary, but the gorse is saying, fuck that, you are not being kind to me by undercutting my strength.

anyway, this passage is sung by the gorse:

In what good company have I set down roots, That even through snow fall I flower. You called me the heather and yet I've weathered, Far more than your sweet-named love.

so uh, yeah, this adds context. gorse! gorse is a hardy plant that continues to flower basically all season round. it's cool. it's cool. gorse is super cool. fuuuck y'all it's such a small thing and i've contained talking about it until now, but now it's too much. the floodgates are open, and i thought about this small detail too much.

okay. deep breath. gorse is a really easy plant to grow, but it's still adapted for dry environments. so the "even through snow fall I flower" part is a little tongue in cheek: gorse itself will flower in the cold, but snow is a type of precipitation, which as we've covered, is not gorse friendly.

then we have some rhyming and puns in the next line, and finally, "yet I've weathered, / Far more than your sweet-named love." like. yes. love as a form of softness is not necessarily helpful.

i mean, consider the damaging "soft trans boi" problem. same energy.

right. okay. so we've got all that? now if you remember, this is sung when deadfoot thinks ashpaw doesn't respect him, and ashpaw says she'll sing with him if she can sing the gorse, so in essence, she's telling him...not to back off, per se, but that...she is the "hard part" of the relationship. like, okay, i refuse to even bring up gender roles in human relationships, but uh, her point is very much, "i am the gorse, and you are the wind," and it's a very monumental moment.

it's anchored, i believe, in the other scenes, but this is a small thing that matters a lot to me.

like a lot.

okay, now that i've talked about like four lines for the length of this entire post, moving on.

the heather and earth

okay, this is the last hymn i have in concrete terms, and i cut a bit of it from the latest chapter, so yeah. it's also, uh, okay everything i have for it is only a line or two, but i wanted to share this closing line (sung together):

Sing a song of forgiveness, of growing together, and we will make madness, And madness from hence will everything beautiful grow.

and i just like these lines. they got cut, it was initially part of an exchange between ashfoot and deadfoot, but i can't share the part of it they talk about, because i'm reusing it for a later chapter and i'll 100% spoil shit if i try to talk about it.

but these lines? mmm they speak to me.

i don't have a ton to say about them, but i just. i like it.

if we apply the same ecology discussion from the gorse and the wind, we see heather is a plant that grows in acidic, infertile soil, and heath (which is not the same as a heather, but also kind of is) is a defining quality of heathland, which is...i'm not kidding, it's hot discourse about the difference between moorland and heathland.

i'm not getting involved, but my point is, if the gorse in the wind is a hymn about finding a working relationship, about mutual respect, etc., then the heather and earth is a hymn about working well together in a terrible situation.

god.

uh, wow! can you tell i like plants? because while parts of my ecology are dubious (see: everything regarding the rabbits in ch1), the plants part are well thought out. this shit is carefully detailed metaphor.

and that's why i won't be releasing a full hymnal. it's hard to as on top of this as i want to be. i'm not kidding, writing even four lines of a hymn usually takes me about twenty minutes, because i pull up a lot of research about how things work, how they interact with each other, etc., and then there's wordsmithing, cat worldview filter, etc.

but i hope this overview of what i've got is a good insight into my general thoughts. and i will eventually release more and more of the hymns i've got written.

[thedreadvampy]

glancing over the Discourse tag, as is my wont while having the Bad Mental Healths

and I have seen no less than three parts about how my fucking Martin post is full of ~aphobic dogwhistles~ about how being ace is infantilising and I simply wish to scream. is all.

we can and will talk about whether a) I have a history of inadvertent aphobia (got that ask waiting for me to have the spoons to go through it, and shout out to that anon for being the first person to follow through on asking me specific answerable questions about My Stance On Asexuality) and b) whether that post was written in a way that left it carrying a lot of implications

but I can say 100% confidently that I wasn't trying to nefariously hide my desire to say that ace hcs are infantilising, because I DID have ace/aro people in mind while writing that post. as an exception. like I literally explicitly Was Not Talking About Ace Headcanons, I was very specifically talking about writing Martin as someone who wants sex and/or romance but has never had it. (I also wasn't calling it infantilising, per se, I was talking about how it feeds into the minimisation of individual agency, desire and capability for fat queer characters)

now. we can talk about the validity of that take. we can talk about the assumptions going into that. and whether I expressed it clearly. but like. man I can very entirely promise you that this was not coming from a place of Man I Hate Ace People. like. I recognise that this doesn't hold much weight but I did, in fact, try to make it clear Within The Post Itself that I wasn't talking about aro/ace hcs so it's wild af that the narrative around this out there on the Discourse Tag appears to be 'this whole post is a malicious attempt to sneak aphobia under the radar' like lol! nah! I just Apparently wasn't explicit enough in contextualising my thoughts but I'm pretty sure I said that this Wasn't To Say that aro/ace Martin was a bad take but to criticise the ways that Martin is written in the context of a romantic/sexual relationship. and I simply cannot wrap my head around this one bc people prefer to believe that me throwing in a line in a reblog saying "Martin Fucks" is proof that my Whole Post is a Malicious Aphobic Dogwhistle and I'm lying in the OP when I said "this isn't about ace/aro Martin", than to believe that I am telling the truth when I say it's not about ace/aro hcs but chucking in a single poorly thought-out line in a reblog that I haven't adequately contextualised. Like I'm prepared to meet people where they are on how they experienced the post, what harmful implications it has, and what I can do better, but I'm pretty unimpressed by the degree to which people are applying this Knowing Attempts To Mask Vicious Aphobia narrative. like fuck man I simply cannot be arsed.

(this is not to say I cannot be arsed with the entire thing. I'm in a pretty euch headspace atm but I do want to work through the criticisms people have. but this absolute bad-faith reading I simply cannot be bothered with. I'm not gonna change anyone's mind and they're not gonna somehow convince me that I was being Consciously Malicious because. I was there in my brain when I wrote this. I may be aphobic, selfish, bigoted, whatever, I don't know, but I do know I'm not doing it On Purpose With Malice Aforethought)

[starlene]

28, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46

:D Wow, that’s a lot of questions! Thank you!

28. Show that’s not your favorite but you feel deserves an honorable mention

Yeston & Kopit’s Phantom. I don’t think it’s even a tier B favourite for me – but I think it’s a good show and I’d love to see more Finnish productions of it.

35. Two shows that are essentially the same

If you’ve seen one Frank Wildhorn show... or one comédie musicale française...

Seriously though, Myrskyluodon Maija and Kristina från Duvemåla. They’re the Finnish and Swedish sides of the exact same coin.

36. Show where you’re way more impressed by the ensemble than the leads

I think I’m lucky, because nothing pops to mind immediately – which I take to mean that in all musical productions I’ve seen, at least one lead has been worth watching... (I don’t mean to diss ensembles by saying that though, I’ve certainly seen plenty of great ensembles along the way! No show that has one would be the same without them.)

37. Musical movie you enjoy

En del av mitt hjärta, over and over again.

38. Musical movie you hate

Tbh, I’ve grown to hate Les Misérables. Like... I do enjoy parts of it, some performances are enjoyable and some scenes work wery well – but the whole Singing Live For Greater Realism thing is so flawed, and the way Tom Hooper & co. were so absurdly proud of it even though it’s clear their nonsense methods made the actors sound worse than they otherwise would’ve... the fact there are people out there who have only heard the soundtrack and think that’s what Les Mis sounds like makes me sad.

39. Favorite Broadway trope

Angsty leading man soloes..?

40. You hate _____ [trope/characteristic/plot point], but ______ [show] is the exception

I hate every single thing that Rock of Ages represents, but I enjoyed the Finnish production with all my heart.

41. Show you thought was great, but the ending changed your mind

I know it doesn’t quite count, since I think Så som i himmelen is the greatest musical that’s ever graced the theatres of this earth... but maybe it’s worth mentioning that the way the finale was directed in the original production didn’t sit well with me at all. The mood went from Next to Normal to full Les Mis with no warning, I still don’t really know what to make of that.

42. Show you thought was mediocre, but the ending changed your mind

Rudolf – Affaire Mayerling. The ending took it from "kinda weird and bad but it’s Frankhorn, so whatever, I’ll deal” to “BURN IT WITH FIRE”

43. Show you know the most random trivia about (and include a fun fact!)

Already shared a couple of fun facts about Jekyll & Hyde... but I also want to tell everybody that this week, I learned there’s been a production of Notre Dame de Paris where Gringoire was played by a lady! I’m in love. Male Gringoire is cancelled, I only want to see lady Gringoire from now on.

44. Show whose cast recording you know, but don’t know anything about the plot

I’m listening to Le rouge et le noir atm... no idea what’s going on, but it slaps.

45. Show you keep meaning to listen to but haven’t gotten around to it

Livet är en schlager by Fredrik “Så som i himmelen” Kempe has been sitting on my desk for literal months, but I haven’t found the right headspace to listen to it yet. I think it’s the word “schlager” that’s putting me off.

46. Show song you say you hate but always sing along with

If I were a rich man~

~

Asks for musical theatre stans

[beecherdrysdale]

Hiii how are you ? I fell down the stairs today and cried for a minute straight #hormones. Dw I have a high pain tolerance but I just started sobbing lol. It happens. LONG post ahead, I kinda went off hehe.

Anyways let’s get started!! Yes quinton gets to be upfront because he would probably feel so uncomfortable(no offence) with all the sexual tension going on there if dyl or jamie were in the front hehe. But yes they would be bitchy about who gets to sit upfront “ no Jamie it’s mine turn to sit with Brigid” “ no it’s my turn dylan you just sat with her” so brigid would get fed up and banishes them to the back hehe. Lmao Brigid can we listen to Katy perry now? The silence!! And then no can we listen to Lady Gaga?. Quinton trying not to lose it in the front seat. If I had to chose tho I would chose lady gaga:) wbu?

Get ready to be beat! Yes Ryan is absolutely not sitting upfront w me! We would be crazy and I wanna win so. Quinner is sitting up front w me but he decided to be .... and I’m banish him to the back. Braden is the most chill so he’s sitting upfront and giving me directions!! Haha dyl yelling at you to drive faster, but no I will beat both hehe;). Kesh who’s sitting up front w you? Would Kirby be handsy😏?. We would have to make so many stops lol. Like it’s just nostalgic for us, but new for you so it would be fun to make pit stops. and we would just be taking so many Instagram photos as a group and w our boys and together ! We love that ! “Wait wait wait Lexi pull over, I remember this place I wanna take photos” lol this is bad hehe.

Lmao yes, your hair would be so tangled!! They would be panicking a bit because they’re like omg she’s gonna be so mad.... honestly Ryan would just take the photo and then post it but then Dylan would repost it and then Jamie and then me lol. Honestly I kinda love when people just take videos of being in the car w like the scenery showing, but this would include us laughing and listening to music! I hope they makes sense. Hehe Ryan or Dylan would probably take photos of Braden, cozzy and devon sleeping and would post it. Back to the hair: hehe yes I can see you giving them a death glare when you realize and your getting mad and would hide. I’m just imagining this in my head, like me pulling over and you running out of the car and quinton and devon fixing your hair lol. Somebody would be filming this no doubt.

Music wise, yes I love blasting music and people looking but it’s kinda a flex when they see who we are with.... I like rap too! What song do u like Brigid?. Country will be played and 2000’s which is fun! I’m good with anything !. Kesh I love hype up songs as well and bass heavy songs because they sound good on speakers hehe. I’ve been into Rihanna for the past week and I was working out to her music- where have you been, rude boy, bitch better have my money lol, pon de replay hit different but also S&M for some sexiness. Lmao sorry I’m just listing Rihanna songs that I love atm. What are your fav songs right now? Awww dancing on the side of the road is so soft, but everybody needs a dance break! Cozzy, Devon and Braden are some how still passed out, I admire that. Late night drives🥺 are we spicing this up 😏.

Hehe you and devon are swamped w emails and more and you’re like kirby can you please go w them we need somebody to watch them. Als yes quinton go take those hot photos . I admire Dylan’s sleep schedule, like good job on catching up on sleep. Kirbys just trying to sweet talk you and kiss you so that you wouldn’t be mad. All in all, kesh is just shocked like how is that possible? Lmao Brigid, Ryan and I w the shopping cart just stocking up on popcorn, chips m&ms, I love that. Jamie and Dylan are racing each other to see who can grab the most cereal and made sure that they are getting the correct ones for Brigid. Honestly all the boys are just confused about how grocery shopping works hehe. The crackhead energy. Kirby is panicking. We literally bought out all the snacks. Beaver tails are delish and I know where you can get them so 😃. I want to stuff Quinner’s mouth w beaver tails cuz that’s cute:) yes healthy food is a must, like fruits, veggies, rice cakes hehe. But remember that we are going to workout on this vacay hehe. After the grocery store we would go into the mall or something and the boys would just be wanting to buy video games 😂 and ps5’s. Also kesh I love how some of the boys are just trying on clothes. Why do I get a feeling that one of the boys would just be filming all of this?

The chirping will happen nonstop, I’m sorry it’s just to much inspo. Aww yes they are blushing real hard, cuz they like you soooo much. But Brigid is enjoying touching them so no prob.

The boat is a must and it is happening!! Hehe yes the tubing would be chaotic, everybody is just trying to get each other to fall in 😂. Ryan thinks that he’s getting away w pushing me in but SIKE you are coming with me. So then we’re just fighting in the water. Quinner would be like where did they go?. Hehe brigid gets so wrapped up in laughing at us that Braden pushes her in haha. Yes we all look super hot in our bikinis, and the boys are speechless! Like dyl and Jamie are just like wow, she looks so amazing! And Kirby is so in love w you, he’s like I’m the luckiest man ever. I’m still gonna make sure that I wear a non tie bikini so that it doesn’t untie, like one time I was in the boat and my friend pulled on the string and the entire thing untied and I just jumped in the water to retie. That is not happening again lol. Quinner would be mad hehe. Idk I’m seeing Brigid in a black bikini or maybe a dark blue one? It would match your eyes?. Kesh in a red one or yellow and me maybe in a green one or just black lol. Hehe yes kesh and Kirby are just doing cute couple stuff and keeping an eye out but we are to chaotic to maintain .

Hehe yes ig we are clingy but cute drunks but I get kinda wild when I drink so the body shots would def happen. It would be hot tbh. Yes somebody do body shots w Brigid. Dylan would step up first, and he would be enjoying it and then Jamie sees and is like no it’s my turn so he does it and in the end it’s just a competition and you all get drunk hehe. Kesh and Kirby are the parents of the clubbing trip no offence.. like wanna go help cozzy and devon? Hehe lol I could just be dancing w Brigid and the boys would get jealous and one of them would just come up and be like excuse may I cut in, and i would be like tf but then they give me a glare and I go dance sexy with Quinner or crazy w Ryan. Kesh and Kirby should dance at least at one point during this time. We all look hot btw :)

Hehe yay I can be friends w Dylan :) I want that friendship to happen tbh. but he’s getting jealous but I’m like let them have their moment, so I distract him a bit w talking.

Girls day is a must! I wanna hang out w you so badly. Some cute clothing will be bought! Ooo yes us modelling and them being in awe. Oo kesh a different modelling show w the boys 😏. The boys are getting handsy esp Dylan and Jamie hehe. And they are super protective so no other guy at the club gets any ideas. After tho it’s biker shorts, sweat pants and hoodies type of vacay lol .

Thank you for reading ! Hope you enjoy mes chéries💗🌸

yes ok so loooong post ahead people

oof that tough falling down the stairs lol. honestly i’m not doing to great right now bc i did not do as well as i wanted at my meet, so now i’m in a funky headspace. but hopefully answering this ask will help, and i can get my shit together before my events tomorrow (which are actually my important events)

haha yes dyl and jamie would just be arguing like “no it’s my turn to sit in front, no you just did it’s my turn” lmao. and then whenever they’re sitting in the front there’s just too much tension for quinton to deal with lol. so then i feel bad for quinton so i banish the other guys to the back and let him sit in the front hehe. and i’m just ignoring the other guys and refuse to play either of their music and i let quinton pick. and if we purposely pick songs we know the other guys hate, that’s a secret we’ll never tell. oof between those two idk, probably lady gaga, but again we’re not playing music jamie and dyl like lol. 

haha no, you get ready to get beat. i’m like an INSANE driver when i want to be. and ofc dylan is just yelling at me “faster brigid, hurry tf up! we have to beat everyone” so then we’re just zooming. but then obviously you’re doing your best to keep up so you have to banish ryan to the back so he doesn’t distract you. and then you let quinner sit up front until he starts getting too handsy bc you’re like no i won’t let myself get distracted. so then braden’s up front giving directions and trying to get you to go faster, but i’m still winning lol. and then kesh is also still in the race, and she and kirby are just chilling in the front bc everyone else’s asleep. ooooh yes making lots of pit stops bc nostalgia for all of you canadians. and then me and kesh are just seeing all the sights for the first time. oooooh yes all the cute insta pics we could take

ooooh yes people taking vids of like the music and scenery would be so cute to post as stories. and ofc all of us laughing and stuff, that would be so cute. anyways yes, my hair would be a hugeeee knot. and i would just give them the death glare, like you’ve got to be fucking kidding me. and jamie and dyl just try to hide from me, like they run away as soon as the car is stopped. and then devon and quinton fix it for me, god bless their souls. like i’m sorry, bc even i wouldn’t want to deal with that. ik how my hair can get. and this would be allllll over everyone’s stories ofc lmao

ok yessss our music game is on point tbh. ok so for rap, the artists i’m really into rn are juice wrld (rip i actually loved him sm), kid laroi (who learned from juice, so he sounds a lot like him), trippie redd, mgk, and nf. also iann dior, but he’s not so much rap as r&b. honestly any of their songs slap. and then ofc country and early 2000′s. and any music with good bass, but i think a lot of the artists i said have that. ooooh yes getting out to have a dance party on the side of the road. hehe it could be really crazy. or alternatively, it could be when you’re out on a late night drive and there’s a slow song on the radio and you guys just get out and slow dance to the song together no this is not at all inspired by the song slow dance in a parking lot anyways yes late night drives are so cute. but then of course they can get spicy 😏 in case you couldn’t tell i’m always down for it to get spicy lmao

haha yes quinton and dylan c. honestly have their priorities straight. and devon and kesh are swamped with director duties, so that leaves kirby in charge. so then ofc when we get home kirbs tries to sweet talk kesh, but she’s just not having it. she’s just like how? anywaysssss at the store we have the most duo of ryan and lexi, plus now i’m added into the mix, and it’s just a mess. like we buy a shit ton of popcorn, pretzels, chips, candy, etc. and we literally bought half the store’s supply of everything lmao. and then dyl and jamie are just in the cereal aisle trying to grab as much cereal as they can. whichever one of them gets we chocolate mini wheats i will love forever. and then kirby’s getting healthy food bc yk he’s trying to be responsible. so then kesh has to explain that his whole job was to make sure everyone else was getting healthy food, not just get it himself lmao. but honestly none of the guys actually know what they’re doing lmao. and then we obviously have to get beaver tails to so lexi and quinner can have a moment, but idk where you get those lol. but yes we will be working out a ton on this vacay, so it’s ok that we have sm junk food lol. and then after we’re done with food, the guys decide to wander the mall and then they just buy a ton of video game and then they’re trying on clothes lol. and yes obvi they’re videoing the whole thing bc they’re secretly middle school girls who want to have a blog lmao

hehe yes me getting chirped the whole trip, esp the boat day. and the guys are getting so embarrassed about it, but i just don’t care lmao. and then the whole boat day is so chaotic obvi. when ryan pushes lexi in, quinner will come back and just be confusion lmao. like where’s lexi. and then i’m dying laughing and then braden sneaks over and pushes me in lol. but yes we all look amazing in our bikinis. like kirby is just so in love with kesh and thinks she looks gorgeous 😍 and then dyl and jamie are just like damn you look hot about me lol bc we’re horny ones on this trip apparently. and i’ll wear a tie-back jolyn bc they actually stay on lol. and then ofc quinner thinks lexi looks super good, but then she tells the story about the last time she wore a tie-back and he’s just like why didn’t you do it again? lmao. ooooh for bikinis i like a black top with a print on the bottoms idk why. and then you guys in whichever color you want. also yes kesh and kirby are trying to be responsible during this, but it’s just not working lol

haha yep i can definitely see you and quinner being wild drunks together (it’s more like when the alcohol is wearing off that you guys get really clingy) so obvi you guys start doing body shots. and ofc it turns into a jamie/dyl competition bc what doesn’t? and then me and lexi are just dancing sexy together, yk like two drunk girls do, and then dyl or jamie tries to come over and cut in and at first you won’t let them but then you finally give in and go dance with quinner instead. and then yeah, no offense kesh and kirby, but y’all are the parents here. like making sure we don’t do anything too too dumb lmao. and also being a wingman for some of the other guys. but you guys def dance together at least a little bit too. and obvi we all look hot

yessss i feel like you and dyl could be super chaotic friends too. so the two of you are just chilling together and then you have to distract him lol, but then after that you have a different chaotic friend for when ryan’s not available lmao

yes yes yes, girl’s day would be so fun. and then we get a ton of cute new clothes so obvi we have to model them. and they’re all just in awe, like those are our girls. but then we also do private modeling shows 😏 and we all know how that ends. and then when we’re in our clubbing clothes obvi they are getting super protective over us bc we look so hot and we’re their girls, so no other guys can get ideas. but then once they’re drunk they’re handsy as hell lol. but then the rest of the vacay ends ups spent in hoodies, sweats, and athletic shorts lol. and obvi some of the guys’ clothes

ughhhh i love this, the whole thing was amazing. 10/10

[mintchocohip]

sub!bts react ➤ the morning after an intense pegging

requested 〉“Could you do a BTS reaction to being sore/having trouble walking the morning after an intense pegging session?”

❙ 𝙏𝘼𝙀𝙃𝙔𝙐𝙉𝙂

He had no idea hours passed until you were praising Taehyung for his determination despite a sunrise outside. He needed constant breaks. Reassurances of "Fuck, Taehyung...” and “it’s so big. You should be proud of yourself for holding half of it. But more than half is in, Taehyung. Fuck. I’m so proud.” helped. It was his biggest toy yet. Now that the high of amazement over his own endurance has faded, Taehyung is blearily exhausted. It’s late afternoon. Subdrop has turned him into stone. He’s laying in the position he woke up in, and gazing at you through half-lidded eyes. It’s the weekend. Rolling out of bed is a distant, faraway concept. Taehyung knows exactly why it hurts. If he spoke with his body, though, he would whine out questions and demand answers. Flat contentment is overpowering his discomfort. Taehyung closes his eyes. He feels safe, and he knows you’ll be by his side when he does wake up enough to whine.

❙ 𝙔𝙊𝙊𝙉𝙂𝙄 

“I hate you,” Yoongi rasps, and buries his face in a pillow drenched by dawn light. “You hate me? Really? Last night you couldn’t stop babbling how much you love me.” He’s already groaning. He knows you’re about to lean over the bed and smack his ass. When you do, Yoongi’s groan shakes with a laugh. The hand lingers. You never stop until you’ve come. Yoongi was finished in a few minutes last night. Staying alert for you was torture. After you finally rolled your hips into the perfect angle and made certain his eyes were open to see that look on your face—introverted hibernation shut him down. “Get on your knees by the edge of the bed,” your instructions are a whisper, “I want to feel your tongue repeating everything you said last night.” Crawling off the bed is like learning to walk on air. Aches are pleasure. Aches are proof that he pleased you. Joy brings him to his knees. You still need him, and he still has so much more to give.

❙ 𝙅𝙐𝙉𝙂𝙆𝙊𝙊𝙆 

Ten days of edging was all he could take. A long evening feels like a fever dream—he was a nonsensical mess, but you kissed and clawed and fucked him until he was begging for the ruined orgasm. Walking you to the bus station is flashes of remembrance. “Y/N—” Jungkook collapses back onto a bench. His eyes immediately sparkle and sting. The startle across your face makes it clear you weren’t expecting the tears, either. “Tell me. Tell me what’s wrong.” You’re standing above him with a hand on the side of his face. “It feels good,” Jungkook gasps. He doesn't know where these words are coming from, but he isn’t going to fight them, “feels really good.” “What part feels good?” “All of it.” It takes time for him to understand his initial bliss. Jungkook starts to make himself hurt on purpose. He explores how to sit, how to walk, and how to touch himself when he has a private moment. He’s your possession. This is a mark of ownership. You’re the one who made him like this, and you made him sore because you love him too much to hold back.

❙ 𝙃𝙊𝙎𝙀𝙊𝙆 

Being in public makes Hoseok question things he normally leaves thoughtless. He's spent days sore before, but last night was something special. He wonders if the fuck is written all over his body. Public bathrooms give him the time and space to jerk off to the ache. When you’re finally seeing him again that evening, all Hoseok can think about is how you’ll tease him for little tics he doesn’t notice but everyone else can see. “It’s sore?” You’re sliding a fingertip against Hoseok’s hole, and he’s meeting your knowing eyes with nervous uncertainty. Minutes pass. “Deeper inside,” he manages. “Deeper inside?” Your finger has stopped rubbing an exhausted muscle. When your hand slides out of his waistband and you unpin him from the wall with a “I’ll go make you a warm bath. It’ll help,” Hoseok is closing his eyes through dissatisfaction. He isn’t ready for this to be over. All he can imagine is you gently convincing him tingling lube will make it feel better; then convincing him a few fingers need to push the lube in where it hurts the most—but a curt voice is calling him from the bathroom.

❙ 𝙅𝙄𝙈𝙄𝙉 

Jimin isn’t fond of discomfort. This isn’t discomfort. This is something that possesses him with beaming pride. Stepping outside is a chance to show off. Nobody understands exactly what he’s showing off, but it’s obvious the man they’re seeing doesn’t have a single trouble weighing him down. Jimin feels sexy. He feels whole. The pain is a reminder of your attention—and how worthy he was of a day spent in bed that controlled his stamina before concluding with a pegging that sent him into deep, dreamy sleep. Underneath put-together smiles and self-assured mannerisms are random shoots of pain. It’s worth it. Sometimes it hits wrong, and he’s buckling a knee at the ATM. None of it touches his princely amble. He loves that his body won’t let him forget yesterday. Of course, he wants to do it all again. Jimin knows that if he texts you asking for a fuck that turns him inside out he’ll receive a sanctimoniously responsible reply. Even if all he gets tonight is some gentle touching, his body doesn’t feel gentle, and Jimin is sending you flirtatious selfies and shameless begging all day.

❙ 𝙉𝘼𝙈𝙅𝙊𝙊𝙉 

It was the first time you made him come handsfree. Namjoon was dazzled and giggly for almost an hour before sleep. “No. No, I’m...” Namjoon has stopped in the middle of the park path. Nothing hurt last night. Everything felt amazing. “Come on. It’s okay.” You’re patting your side, and encouraging Namjoon to lean on you as the two of you walk to the tea shop. He knows you’re excited to buy him a sunny drink. “It doesn’t feel bad. It just feels weird. That’s okay, right? It’s normal to feel weird?” You’re looping an arm under Namjoon’s, and wrapping a hand around his waist. “That’s normal. Even if it just feels weird, it’s still easier if you have somebody to lean on, right?” Namjoon feels himself smiling. “Yeah.” Walking with an arm wrapped around you doesn’t change his awkward gait. It does make him happy. Instinct tells him to ignore the way his body feels. When Namjoon tunes in to your footsteps next to his, ignoring his soreness seems rude. You gave this to him. It’s the signature on a long letter that touched his soul. Namjoon already knows he doesn’t want it that hard and that fast for a long, long time. For now, he can enjoy the complete experience.

❙ 𝙎𝙀𝙊𝙆𝙅𝙄𝙉

He’s moving like a sloth. It’s on purpose. Partially, it’s out of spite. Mostly, it’s because Seokjin wants your attention. The way you walk over to trace the bruises on his elegant thighs before he can pull up his jeans sparks a shiver into his chest. “Last night was amazing,” you’re sighing wistfully as you close a gentle hug around his waist, “I know it would be asking too much of you, but I was actually thinking... you know, tonight... again...” Seokjin winces. “No.” Your laugh buries against his shoulder. “Sorry.” That was enough attention. Cooking alone in the kitchen puts Seokjin into a peaceful headspace. He doesn’t want to dwell on this feeling, and he doesn’t want you watching him shuffle around like he’s trying to hold a marble between his knees. Accepting his personal bubble drifts both of you out into the day. There’s no point thinking about it now. When it happens, it happens. Neither of you worry about the fact that Seokjin will be whimpering for something overbearing and all-consuming again tonight. 

[ywhiterain]

“I’m done trying to find a cure, Sammy.”

Dean is so self-absorbed, I swear to god. Look, I get it. The mark of Cain (that, need I remind you, he took in response to the aftermath of Gadreel, and literally said he didn’t care about the warning label) does shit to Dean’s headspace. I don’t like Dean, but I’m not going to pretend that he’s actually a blood lusty serial killer.

I mean, for one, that would be more interesting to me.

But the other issue is that the mark makes him want to kill people. It’s not just Dean whose going to suffer here. And he decides this after this brave young woman gets the courage to face the widow of a man she was an accessory to killing. Who does that? Sees someone taking responsibility in a really hard but meaningful way and think, “Yeah I should give up. And go down swinging after I murder some innocent people probably.”

He’s just so dismissive of even talking to Cain. That’s all Sam and Cas’ plan is atm. Talk to him. Maybe actually read the warning label that Dean actively chose to ignore.

I don’t think this is bad writing (that will come post MoC and why I eventually stopped keeping up with SPN), though I do think Dean’s been pretty inconsistent about the mark in general. Like maybe the writing team were throwing things at walls to see what would stick and trying out different ways to explore what the mark is doing to Dean. Either way, it’s not hard to read it as basically Dean doing the same thing. And I do think it’s funny he gave up booze and ate healthy food for one episode before giving that up.

[fyrecrafted]

Rescued. (a fic?)

So Ive been going through hell lately. I really needed to feel some kinda hope through all this darkness so I wrote this.  Basically a lot of bullshit Im going through and a happy ending via and old friend Tom Hiddleston... the line between reality and wishes is slim, yet obvious. Written more to help myself get through this than anything. Its quickly written and prob a mess. 1k words

I mentioned the abusive situation I was in a few times online where everyone could see it... but... my closer friends on discord really saw a lot more of what was going on. And not everyone really had the full picture. I was too scared to say it all in one place. I didn't want all that gross toxicity I was living in to be put on any one group's shoulders. One day I got in a really bad headspace. I wanted it to all end. I didnt see a way out. Im disabled, mentally and physically... I can't really work in my current situation (not that I'm not trying, but I seriously doubt the employment services could help me... and, even though I filed for disability I kept getting denied because I couldnt get health coverage to get medical diagnosis... and yeah... I had tried the method you just thought of and no its not available... at least you didn't think of that one idea that one person had 'if you get pregnant you can have medical coverage for 9 months', I really hope you can see how fucking disgusting that idea is... if you can't I don't have hope that explaining it to you would help any.)

No... I do not have any other fucking family that could fucking help... holy shit... DO YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE HERE IF I DID? Why do people ask these same questions over and over...? On the other hand I do know people are trying to just help and feel powerless to do so... Well... back to where I was... One day I said a lot more about how bad it was... How I was told by my whole family that I was worth less than them because I cannot work... How my mom screamed that she hated me... How I was blamed for every single thing that went wrong, and I was expected to do all the housework even though Im not physically capable of doing so. I was basically a disabled fucking Cinderella... trapped by a world that wont let me escape because I dont have cash... So many people don't see that in this reality money = freedom. I felt so lost... Trapped and up against a wall with no way out. Even if I went to a shelter I'd lose my cats who act as my emotional support animals (lessbe real here, they are service animals but cuz criteria dnt really cover mental issues like ASD they cant be labeled as service animals... fuck that bullshit) and I'd likely have lost all my stuff that keeps me from going into a shutdown. (like my brain will just go into bad chaos mode and shut the fuck off for a bit... like I can do the basic life stuff but no more than that) So... like... big nope for mental health reasons, and prob would fuck with my physical disabilities too... A few hours after I posted about everything I got an anon asking if I would leave if a friend offered me a place to stay. No strings attached. I reblogged an answer: Yeah, if they were gonna take me and both cats and my stuff in and work with my handicaps and I knew they werent gonna use it as a way to murder my face and hide the body. Another Anon: Even if it was in the middle of the night? And the only way was to do it fast? Me: I mean... I'd have to really know 'em and trust them to do that... I'm a little concerned that an anon is asking this though tbh... kinda freaked out man... Anon: Well, you do know me. I promise. I just don't want to advertise my intentions and I can't really DM you atm. So, I'm doing it like this. Im so sorry its causing you added anxiety. Also I've been a long time follower and I absolutely love your work. Me: Yeah... Okay... Sure... Whatever... If you show up bring me a pizza... or something and a redbull and cat treats... lol... seriously doubt anyone would take the time to rescue me... It was late when I posted and several hours later (I have non-24 and no circadian rhythm so being up at weird times is nbd for me) I nearly jumped out of my skin when I heard a knock. I grabbed my cane and was ready to play whack a mole intruder edition... when I peeked through the door I couldn't believe my eyes... A friend I had so very long ago but lost contact with... Someone I watched online from afar... Someone who was looking at my raised cane with much concern on their face... Tom... Tom fucking Hiddleston...

'You could have asked... if I had known earlier I would have come. Also please put that down.' 'y-y-y-eah.' 'May I come in please. I brought the pizza and rebull.' He grinned 'um, okay. Uh watch out for the cats though. Everything is kinda a mess.' 'I really dont give a damn about the mess. Im more concerned about the shit you've been going through. No one deserves to go through all that. I would like to ask you to move in with me. I'm staying in Georgia at the moment until all this mess clears up and we finish filming. After that we can figure stuff out. I don't want you to worry about a damned thing right now. I want to do everything in a manner that will be the best for you. If something isn't okay let me know. If you need something let me know. Fuck, if you WANT something... LET ME KNOW. Please.'

We ate and chatted and I cried... a lot. We packed up my stuff, and the cats and disappeared into the night. The sun rose as we pulled into the city. A brand new life began for me that day. And I will never look back.

[zombiequincy]

THE POSITIVE & NEGATIVE; Mun & Muse - Meme.

fill out & repost ♥ This meme definitely favors canons more, but I hope OC’s still can make it somehow work with their own lore, and lil’ fandom of friends & mutuals. Multi-Muses pick the muse you are the most invested in atm.

My muse is:   canon / oc / au / canon-divergent / fandomless /

Is your character popular in the fandom?  YES / NO.

Is your character considered hot™ in the fandom?  YES / NO / IDK.

Is your character considered strong in the fandom?  YES / NO / IDK.

Are they underrated?  YES / NO.

Were they relevant for the main story?  YES / NO.

Were they relevant for the main character?  YES / NO / THEY’RE THE PROTAG.

Are they widely known in their world?  YES / NO.

How’s their reputation?  GOOD / BAD / NEUTRAL.

How strictly do you follow canon?  — I’d like to think I follow canon fairly decently in regards to Giselle’s powers but then again there really isn’t much to follow. So we’ll go with a shaky ‘ehhhh’.

SELL YOUR MUSE! Aka try to list everything, which makes your muse interesting in your opinion to make them spicy for your mutuals.  —  She’s one of the most objectively fucked up Sternritter. Her powers completely spit in the face of everything the Soul Reapers try to abide by and their cycle of life and reincarnation by basically crushing it under her heel and refusing to allow the process of death to run its course. She’s also just such a cheery and utterly irredeemable villain which is so refreshing sometimes. None of that brooding ‘woe is me my powers and situation makes me so sad’ no no no, she is here to FUCK shit up for everyone and laugh while doing it. Also the whole idea of forcing someone to fight against their will is just so supremely fucked up but always interesting to see in action. She could have singlehandedly turned the tides of the Quincy invasion if she got her hands blood on the right people and that’s a terrifying though. Also a lot of her motif and powers link closely to the sort of biblical fucked up imagery of angels that you can see in novels like Paradise Lost or Dantes Inferno or the Old Testament, that just themeatic attitude of like show no mercy even to the weak and how morals are meaningless in the face of war and if you’re doing everything in the service of god then even the most fucked up actions can be justified, so if like me, you’re a huge nerd for that shit, she is PERFECT.

Now the OPPOSITE, list everything why your muse could not be so interesting (even if you may not agree, what does the fandom perhaps think?).  —  She’s one of the most objectively fucked up Sternritter. She’s annoyingly over powered in the sense that she just doesn’t die, which can really be a sticking point for some people because it just seems like there’s no threat present when she’s around. I also don’t blame anyone for being disinterested with her portrayal and character as it is in the manga since her whole identity seems to just be a shitty allusion to predatory lesbian trope and god awful transphobic jokes, so seeing those it can be easy to think that’s all there is to her character and not even want to entertain everything else she has to offer. Also the way that she treats Bambi, turns even my stomach, so I absolutely do not blame anyone who might want no interest in any of that and the implication of those scenes.

What inspired you to rp your muse?  —  (Kaiman lol) She was one of the femritters I naturally gravitated towards because of her fight with Mayuri and I fucking hate Mayuri soooo, queen rights! Also I just love characters who can like puppeteer and control others against their will, there’s something so really interesting about that power in fiction and it always gives way to tons of angst and sadness which is absolutely my shit. I also had a ton of issues with the way that Kubo presented her in canon, especially in regards to her trans identity and I kept obsessing over that and wanted to kinda push away from all those shitty moments and try to focus more on her powers and attitude as a young Quincy who was eager to join a war and murder her way up the ranks. 

What keeps your inspiration going?  —  My love for evil women. But you know, mainly music and goth aesthetic posts. Also other pieces of gothic literature and undead monster lore and mythos. If there’s a will and way, I will always find a way to bring it back to Giselle.

Some more personal questions for the mun.

Give your mutuals some insight about the way you are in some matters, which could lead them to get more comfortable with you or perhaps not.

Do you think you give your character justice?  YES / NO.

Do you frequently write headcanons?  YES / NO.

Do you sometimes write drabbles?  YES / NO.

Do you think a lot about your Muse during the day?  YES / NO.

Are you confident in your portrayal?   YES / NO.

Are you confident in your writing?  YES / NO

Are you a sensitive person?  YES / NO.

Do you accept criticism well about your portrayal?  —  Haven’t gotten any yet but I am always open to it. I know there’s a ton of choices I’ve made in my portrayal that are open to heavy scrutiny, like making her very young contrasted against the other Sternritters, making her a serial killer, making her a self declared man eater etc etc. Even though my main goal with rp is to just have fun, I’d never want to do so at the expense and well being of others, so if anyone has some serious critiques to make about Giselle or to say that she’s making them feel uncomfortable, then it’s the absolute bare minimum for me to listen and be considerate about that criticism! 

Do you like questions which help you explore your character?  —  If I say no that makes me look like a mad woman and an asshole but like GKJLASDKDJSA look its really hard to try to explore a lot of the inner depths of a character like Giselle who just joyfully takes pleasure in others suffering. Like she’s just here to kill and eat people, trying to explore the why and how and who led her into that way of thinking and informed her deeper beliefs, high key gives me a headache. Sometimes she’s just evil and a dickhead for the sake of being an evil dickhead. I have to be in a very specific headspace and mood to want to discuss in detail her attitudes and beliefs and how certain personality traits of her came to be and even when I do that, it’s not usually public. As I write with more and more people, her views and ideals begin to reveal itself in the threads and situations so I prefer to do the exploration that way via my writing and threads. I’m always open to questions which help me explore her ideals and beliefs and reckoning with her past but because I haven’t made any plans for her to really confront or express those beliefs directly yet, it’s hard for me to explain them accurately or correctly.

If someone disagrees to a headcanon of yours, do you want to know why?  —  Yes! I’d never declare myself as an expert on Bleach since I learn a lot of the nitty gritty details through osmosis of people who do know more than me, so if I get something wrong or a headcanon is a little bit far fetched, I’m always open to hearing the details as to why and how I can improve it. Also a lot of my headcanons are just stupid jokes so if you have one that’s funnier, then I will always love to hear it.

If someone disagrees with your portrayal, how would you take it?  —  In my stride. I always say this Giselle is mainly just a goof so I don’t take it too personally if someone thinks I’m doing her wrong, half the time it’s just be making bad jokes about murder and maiming and cannibalism. There are about a hundred different ways to approach someone like Giselle and mine is FAR from being the most accurate or correct one.

If someone really hates your character, how do you take it?  —  I can certainly understand why considering her actions in canon and how brutal and cruel she was. She kinda is a figure made to be hated and disgusted by and in certain threads I do really lean into her more ‘evil’ side. So I’d never take it personally. 

Are you okay with people pointing out your grammatical errors?  —  Dear god please do it. I’m dyslexic and English technically isn’t even my first language I struggle with this VERY bad. Let me know please please PLEASE.

Do you think you are easy going as a mun?   —  I think sooo? I’ve never rushed anyone for replies, I take my own sweet time to get stuck into threads and I approach any headcanons or ideas people have for Giselle with a sense of optimism and good faith! I’m always down for some silliness but I’m always cautious about how far to go with her considering that the way she acts can be triggering in some regards so I like to think I’m both pretty careful and laid back!

That’s about it, congrats for filling out!

Tagged by:  @windstormwielding cheers my dear !! Tagging: @fleshpurifies @bazzardburner @hyouketsu @oscuras and YOU!

[stonefangs]

what’re your top two favorite cats of each clan (excluding your own), as of right now? :3c

how could you……………….make me pick…………………… ((cracks my knuckles)) 

Keep in mind that my favorites change with the tide, these are just the cats I’m especially vibing with atm! For the sake of Everyone’s dashboard, I’m putting my answers under a Read More,

NettleClan:

Squirrelwhisker! I am absolutely biased because I have Daisytooth, his brother, but I never fail to have a lot of fun rping with Squirrelwhisker! I’m always laughing my ass off with him because he gives me an excuse to do the absolute most ridiculous things using Daisytooth, but that’s not the only reason! I feel like he’s a really consistent character, and despite how he tends to have thoughts of heroism and idealism when it comes to presenting himself, he feels grounded and realistic! He’s just a good guy who’s trying to make the best of the hands dealt to him/his family/his Clan. 

And Badgerstep! I really do have a soft spot for boys that are just…. good. Badgerstep has always been a sweet man with a big heart and lots of love to share, I feel like he should really be a good role model for the young cats of NettleClan! He’s been going through really tough times recently, but he lets his friends and family help him. He’s always been a feel-good character for me, even from the beginning of FogClan! 

CreekClan:

ohhh man this was hard to narrow down to just two… I’ll go with 

Currentstar! At least from what I’ve seen of ThreeClan’s leaders since I’ve joined, this mans provides a fresh new perspective and feel to the role! Though I love lenient leaders, modern leaders, it’s super interesting to see a cat who is clinging hard to old traditions that he grew up abiding by– especially in such tumultuous times as the generations of the Clans that are growing after The Great Journey. When tradition has never been more challenged and questioned, he’s trying his best to find a sense of normalcy. But all the while, he’s a very sympathetic character who has been thrust into leadership very quickly and struggled to settle down and feel right in his own skin. He’s developed a lot so far, it shows that he’s getting more confident in himself with a few bumps in the road, but I respect him immensely! I also have a crush on him 

Aaaaand Carpfang! I’ll be honest, i NEVER expected to enjoy Carpfang near as much as I do now. Rough and cold characters are really not my favorite type by far, and I tend to get frustrated with them and their attitudes, but Carpfang has always been so much more than that. She’s hard on the outside, but she has true depth to her character beyond her reputation (and Marigoldpaw ((who is my third favorite)) has done amazing at helping her develop!). She’s not incapable of having trusting and intimate relationships, even if it takes a minute to get through to her, she has really realistic (imo) motives for feeling and acting the way she does, given her family history… She’s real, she’s relatable, she’s well-meaning for much of what matters, and she’s a real bad ass. I love a gal 

JaggedClan: 

MANTISSTAR MANTISSTAR MANTISSTAR MANTISSTAR MANTISSTAR!!!! She is my WIFE, my LOVE. I really don’t think that I’ve met another character who embodies literally all of my weaknesses, everything that I personally love to see in an OC. Mantisstar comes from a more than troubled origin, where she’d been coerced into an ugly side of history, a victim of circumstance but one who knew that being a victim didn’t excuse her from a certain responsibility of wrongdoing. She rose above the sum of her parts, helped to make right what bad things had been done despite her, a hero from humble origins– and from that, she developed this heroic complex, a NEED to do right, terrified of hurting others despite her intentions. It’s so interesting to see her struggle with making the right choices when things are never so perfectly black and white, even if it breaks my heart when she finds herself getting lost. She is a genuinely good person, she’s wise and kind- forgiving, but just. But she isn’t untouchable. She’s so tangible and real, she reminds me of real people that I’ve idolized in my own life, and I LOVE her. Not only is she my favorite JaggedClan cat, but she is my favorite ThreeClans character! 

Then there’s Magpiestorm. Honestly, I feel a Bit similar to her as I do about Carpfang. Though Magpiestorm is arguably more antagonistic and… unstable? than Carpfang is, she’s a whole different take on the hardass girl with troubled family and trust issues, and I honestly took a long while to warm up to her. Again, like I need to feel about all of my favorite characters, she feels developed and truer than just the tropes she happens to fit into. She’s really complex! Though she puts up these barbed wire laden walls all around her, feels obligated to no one but her sister, she has this clear struggle with an innate need for connection. She doesn’t enjoy the way that she acts, she wants to be able to do more, be better, but stubbornness and pride keeps her from letting go of her demons. For a little while she might begin to let those walls down, she might begin to seek out other cats and let other cats in closer to her, but then something will happen that pushes her right back into her own headspace in a cyclical internal struggle… It leaves me guessing, leaves me wanting more, makes me want to see which path she finally makes a commitment to! 

FogClan: 

By all means, Duskfang. I am so happy that the OC who shares my name is THIS FUCKING GOOD. Duskfang is probably one of the most complex and meticulously developed characters that I’ve had the pleasure of seeing from their conception to their present. She had this ambiguous, mysterious origin that has been perfectly pieced together over time, not near so much from OOC talk, but through revelation and parallels set up almost Too perfectly for her in the ongoing plot line. She, herself, started off mysterious and ambiguous– which, I’ll be honest, turned me off at first. I was expecting an almost… stereotypical secondary-antagonist role to come out of the Fang and Flicker duo, but we got so much more than that. Duskfang has struggled and struggled hard in every aspect of her existence since she’s joined FogClan. She’s had dilemmas and choices that no other cat could hardly dream of having to face, and she has made some very horrible decisions along the way… and I’ve never felt more sympathetic for someone else who’s done the equivalent of what she has? Because I’ve never been able to see exactly what a character is thinking, and exactly why they’re having the thoughts that they are, and how they could be made to feel such raw and powerful emotion that has been brewing and bubbling since the very first day they were ever written. Duskfang’s entire character just feels perfectly planned and perfectly executed, and I couldn’t have ever expected to get what she gives us! 

Another popular choice, I’m sure- but Foxflame! Another biased choice? Perhaps! Bramblefang loves him, so I’m just obligated to feel the same…. No, but really, Foxflame is another character that has given me a very pleasant surprise! I’ll be honest, he had my attention from the get-go because bubbly characters really are my guilty pleasure… I would have been satisfied if he just stayed a bubbly guy, a sweet person. No, but then we had to be introduced to the reasons Why they try so hard to make others smile, to make others happy. We had to get into the nitty gritty, his fears, his shortcomings, a need to protect his loved ones even at his own sacrifice. They can definitely be a bit of an airhead, too caught up in the strings of their own heart to listen to their head when they might need to, but that just makes them who they are! They’ve made some really questionable calls for the sake of their heart- he’s gone through the motions of a well-rounded character with beyond two dimensional motivations, and it’s always a pleasure to see him written in the good and bad moments! 

Tribe of Twisted Tunnels: 

Hehe these might be some interesting answers, if I can talk without giving too much away…. I’m gonna start off with: Aspen Snow. Man, tough girls really have been more my type than I was ever prepared to admit, but I’m not ashamed of it! I’m NOT! I’ve always watched Aspen Snow with a healthy intrigue from afar from when she was a to-be, but it wasn’t until the Tribe’s suffering was coming to a close that she really began to catch my attention. She was a scrappy to-be, full of spunk and a very, very unhealthy dose of youthful hubris. She was fun to read! But after her brother left the Tribe with Raven, it started off an arc that I really wasn’t prepared to see her through- in a good way! The pure hurt that she felt caught me by surprise. I wasn’t prepared to see just how much losing her brother, feeling betrayed by him, abandoned, would break her down. Nor was I expecting the way in which she pieced herself right back together, with fangs and claws and all. She grew bitter, became resentful of not only her brother, but much of the Tribe, its leaders. She needed others to blame, and she clung hard onto that. But then, with Spark Feather’s companionship, she began to ground herself more again. She coped better, she moved on for the sake of herself and others’ betterment instead of just pure spite…. And now? Ohoh. Now. There’s a lot going on with her now, like a relapse into those horrible moons passed, and I’m as scared as I am excited to see where it leads her! And now, the reason that this might be an interesting answer to insiders– Patched Petal. I am going to be straight up, at the same moment that she occupies my top two favorite’s spot, I resent her in her entirety. I am mad at Patched Petal. I am hurt by her and indignant completely on Aspen Snow’s behalf for what Patched Petal has done and is doing to her, things that she’s said to and felt about her own daughter. I resent her, but I’ll be damned if I’m not enraptured by it. Patched Petal has always been a difficult character for me to place– she’s never been very pleasant, but she’s also not been entirely disagreeable- before now. She was a stubborn mother with a fire in her heart that could only be tamed by her children, and after losing her son? It was all downhill from there. I feel like she has made every wrong decision that she could have made in regards to her remaining daughter, after Maple/Flickerclaw left. She’s closed herself away from Aspen Snow, she’s pined for her son to the point of ignoring her daughter, and she’s grown more and more resentful because Aspen Snow has decided that she doesn’t want to wait up for her any more. And now, her most recent development? I could strangle the woman, but it’s such an engrossing conflict that I can’t take my eyes off of this trainwreck…. Patched Petal, you are Something Else. And thus concludes my 2 top favorite cats in each group! My fingers hurt!

@squirrelwhiskr @nicks-cats @currentfangs @crowfalled @swanface @cinderstar @boulderstep