#back on my nora ephron shit

[livelovecaliforniadreams]

[steddieunderdogfics]

This week’s writer spotlight feature is:  @stevestark ! With fourteen Stranger Things fics and twelve in the Steve/Eddie tag, their charming works make waves in the fandom!

Our anonymous nominator recommends the following works by @stevestark:

they told me all of my cages were mental (so I got wasted like all my potential)

i think your house is haunted (your dad is always mad)

i was hitting my marks ('cause i can do it with a broken heart)

Eddie and Robin's Very Real Heterosexual Adventure

it’s hard to be at a party when I feel like an open wound (it’s hard to be anywhere these days when all I want is you)

Whether their fics are under 5k or over 10k, their world-building is so good! they have a way of making our boys feel so natural and the progression of the relationship always feels realistic. they were one of my favorites back in 2022 when s4 dropped, and they've made a sudden return to the fandom this year with new stories that are just as good if not better than what they had written back then! I'm always so excited to see they've posted something new, no matter if it's a new chapter or a whole new story. -- anonymous

Below the cut,  @stevestark answered some questions about their writing process and some of their recommended work!

Why do you write Steddie?

After watching ST4 Vol. 1 I was obsessed. Steve Harrington was one of literally two characters I loved from the very first time I “met” them (the other being Jim Hopper, which is why he tends to feature heavily in my works as the resident Dad) but I had never really been into any ships for him up to that point. The immediate chemistry he had with Eddie Munson though? Woof. I knew I had to write them, and it honestly was like I blinked and had suddenly churned out multiple fics. I stopped writing in general around the end of 2022, but when I got fired from my job in April, I got bored and reread my own works, which drew me right back in, especially because I had already written about 10,000 words of they told me all of my cages were mental (so I got wasted like all my potential) but had yet to finish it. I wanted to read the ending so badly myself that I simply picked it back up, and then next thing I knew I was writing more and more.

What’s your favorite trope to READ?

There’s so many. I’m always a sucker for some good old fashioned Hurt/Comfort or Angst With a Happy Ending, but I think my all time favorite has to be Enemies to Friends to Lovers.

What’s your favorite trope to WRITE?

Definitely Angst With a Happy Ending. I don’t think I really know how to write anything that’s just straight fluff or even straight smut. There has to be some angst in there, and I’m not really one for an unhappy ending. I’ll maybe do ambiguous, but I was raised on Nora Ephron and Nancy Meyers ⸺ we’re happy ending girlies.

What’s your favorite Steddie fic?

The One In Which A Time Loop Is Fucking Exhasuting. by badpancake on AO3. I think about that shit daily. Every part of it is absolute perfection, and I'm in love with it.

Is there a trope you’re excited to explore in a future work but haven’t yet?

Fittingly with the last question, time travel! I have a title for a time travel fix-it already, I just need to let it ferment a little in my mind so I can figure out how to do it in a way that feels at least somewhat unique.

What is your writing process like?

Step 1: Put Taylor Swift’s folklore on repeat. Step 2: Open GDoc. Step 3: Stare at GDoc. Step 4: Start writing the first thing that pops into my head and hope it comes out coherent in the end. Step 5: Publish and then immediately reread my work after it’s already live, and pray I only find minor mistakes that I can quickly fix before anyone else reads the fic and spots them.

Do you have any writing quirks?

I always have the title before I even know what the fic will be! 99% of my fic titles are Taylor Swift lyrics, and it’s usually a process of me hearing a specific phrase and thinking “This is so Steddie coded.” After that, I begin the above process, and hope I do the lyrics justice, because I tend to choose the ones that are the most poetic to me personally.

Do you prefer posting when you’ve finished writing or on a schedule?

Definitely when I finish writing. I’ve tried holding myself to a schedule before with multichaptered fic in other fandoms, and it just never works out the way I want it to. I actually have an ongoing Steddie WIP that I haven’t touched since April, because I’m waiting for the next chapter to come to me fully before I start writing it, and I do kind of regret posting it as a WIP in the first place. I feel much more accomplished when I can just push the whole work out at once, i.e. my season 2 rewrite where Eleven is found and taken in by Eddie and Wayne, which I had debated posting as a multichaptered fic as I wrote chunks of it at a time. I talked myself out of it though, and despite the fact that it took me weeks to finish, once I got there it was so satisfying to hit that publish button.

Which fic are you most proud of?

Definitely i was hitting my marks ('cause i can do it with a broken heart). There’s a whole entire 58 track playlist to go along with it that I carefully researched and curated before writing even a single word of the story, broken down into specifically themed mixtapes in a GDoc; it's linked at the end of the fic, with a breakdown of which mixtape each set of songs belongs to, and it is my absolute pride and joy.

How did you get the idea for they told me all of my cages were mental (so I got wasted like all my potential)?

I had a passing thought one day about the fact that Steve seemed to just tangentially know who Eddie was by the time we met him in canon, and wondered what it would be like if he had actually sort of known him, and what that would look like. Then I thought about the legend of King Steve, and the fact that he probably did know Eddie, if only as a dealer, and the whole thing sort of wrote itself after that.

When writing they told me all of my cages were mental (so I got wasted like all my potential), what was something you didn’t expect?

Definitely how long it ended up being! The plot was truly just a passing thought, and I honestly believed I would write little vignettes of the two of them getting to know each other at parties over the years, but what actually transpired was some deep character work and a true slow-build to anything substantial between Steve and Eddie.

What inspired i think your house is haunted (your dad is always mad)?

Honestly the title itself! Sometimes, when I pick a Taylor Swift lyric and decide it would be a pretty fic title, that’s where the inspiration ends. With this one, I thought about the fanon (and somewhat canon) belief that Steve’s parents are assholes who don’t really love their son, and even though I’ve known the lyrics to folklore backwards and forwards since the album dropped in 2020, for some reason that line hit extra hard in April of this year, and all I could think about was how badly Steve Harrington wants to be loved and wanted, and I just started writing and didn’t stop until I was satisfied.

What was your favorite part to write from Eddie and Robin's Very Real Heterosexual Adventure?

The entire thing. I’m not just saying that, either. Sometimes, such a good idea falls into my lap that I actually do a proper outline, and with this one, I fully had little sketches going on and everything. I meticulously planned every date they would go on, and I knew exactly how it would end. Though, if I had to isolate any single part that was the most fun to write, it would be the last few lines. Just pure chaos. It makes me laugh every time.

How do/did you feel writing i was hitting my marks ('cause i can do it with a broken heart)?

That was one of my favorites to write, and it flowed out so easily; I had just finished rewatching all of ST, start to finish, for the first time since right before ST4 Vol. 1 dropped. And the only thing I could think about after finishing was that even though it made sense for Max to be cursed, it would have made infinitely more sense for it to be Steve. All we ever see in canon of Steve Harrington is his insecurity and feeling that he’s never enough for anyone; season 1, he thinks Nancy is cheating on him with Jonathan, and they try to keep him out of the Upside Down stuff. Season 2, Nancy actually leaves him for Jonathan, and tells him that he ⸺ and his love, and loving him ⸺ is bullshit. Season 3 is literally the story of how King Steve became a nobody who never wins a fight and falls in love with people who will never love him back. Even season 4 ⸺ when Dustin comes rushing into Family Video to try to track down Eddie somehow? Steve’s immediate reaction is “Oh, your new best friend Eddie who you think is cooler than me because he plays your nerdy game.” He’s never not a mess of insecurity and self-loathing, and nobody around him ever really does anything to rectify that feeling for him, so he’d be perfect Vecna bait. And the whole thing started with the playlist, really, because I had this idea that Steve is a vibes guy for music, rather than a style or genre guy, and then it was just a matter of writing around the mixtapes I’d mapped out. Which, naturally, led to breaking my own goddamn heart writing what I think it feels like inside his head, because I was  ⸺ and still very much am ⸺ that person in the friend group. Never the first pick, always an afterthought, the one people always think is fine but never bother to actually check if they are. So, I guess, it felt cathartic to get it all out somehow, but it was also just so deeply sad, because that feeling never really goes away completely, and I hated doing that to Steve.

What was the most difficult part of writing it’s hard to be at a party when I feel like an open wound (it’s hard to be anywhere these days when all I want is you)?

Probably just the physical aspect of shotgunning, honestly, and also trying to accurately describe the high. Weed doesn’t do anything for me mentally, and I don’t like what it does for me physically ⸺ to the point that I actually wonder if I have a mild allergy to it ⸺ so it’s not really something I can pull from personal experience in regards to describing it, which made it more difficult than I was prepared for.

Do you have a favorite scene and/or line from any of your fics?

Definitely the opening bit of there’s something about you in the moonlight (but your eyes go so well with the day). Both the Eddie intro and the Steve intro. It was just so fun to tap into that feeling of being a kid and getting hit with the lightning bolt of why people have crushes, but I especially have a lot of love and fondness for the way I described Steve’s desire to find his perfect match, and how it’s not rooted in sex like people thought of King Steve, but in his desire to find someone he’d have fun with forever.

Do you have any upcoming projects or fics you’d like to share/promote?

I’m currently working on a multichaptered fic where Eddie lives, but leaves Hawkins the very night he’s released from the hospital without telling anyone; he does stay in contact though, and he and Steve end up falling in love through letters and phone calls, until, eventually, Eddie realizes that he ran away from the one thing that made him feel the most alive. At last edit, which was yesterday, it’s at 15 chapters and 18,000 words, and I’ve only just gotten to the point where Eddie and Steve are playing phone-tag. Also, if anyone is interested in a non-Steddie but still relatively Eddie-centric fic, I rewrote the entire season 2 canon in are we out of the woods? (are we in the clear yet?) and I am currently working on a season 3 rewrite, which will be followed by a season 4 rewrite, wherein Steddie will become canon. It’s definitely for the long-haulers, but I think it’ll be worth it. Actually, despite being non-shippy so far, it’s probably my favorite thing I’ve ever written. There’s just something about Wayne Munson as the world’s best dad that does it for me, and, as we’ve seen in canon, Eddie is surprisingly really good with kids. I like to think that he’d have been an excellent brother, and I got to explore that with him and Wayne deciding Eleven was theirs.

Thank you to our author, @stevestark, and our nominator! See more of @stevestark works featured on our page throughout the day!

Writer’s Spotlight is every Wednesday! Want to nominate an author? You can nominate them here!

[bloodyproudpotterhead]

That whole reddit fiasco is seriously condescending and dismissive it gives me the ick. So I’m gonna write issues that I had with that finale.

Many of the things that he said just doesn’t make sense. The defense for Roy & Jamie weird behavior is “men are dumb” and “Keeley doesn’t need anyone”. You think we don’t know that Keeley doesn’t need anyone to feel complete? WE DO! The show never implied that she has problems being alone anyway. Also, you can’t fit the complexity of feminism and girlhood into one “girlboss” shape. That’s just reductive. The moment I read this, I knew that that part of storyline is written by men.

Another problem: Defending Jane behavior. Stalking your boyfriend’s friend? Shredding your boyfriend passport?? And to dismiss them as ‘quirky behavior’??? To me, that sounds like giving a pass to toxic, abusive relationships. 

Another one: To leave the ending of Ted & Michelle relationship as ambiguous? BIG NO. To even entertain the idea gives a bad taste in my mouth. This is the woman that begged him to sign the divorce paper, for christ’s sake. And they never built of the idea of them getting back together. They even introduce Dr. Jacob into the story. Was that truly necessary? Was the point to show that Michelle needs to be in another relationship to see Ted for who he really is? 

Also: Ted wasn’t at the wedding? Because he’s at Henry’s practice?? What even was that. You cannot actually tell me that they think this through. What, your kid can skip practice for 1 day to attend your best friend’s wedding?

Let’s even go to the boat guy: You cannot tell me this is the ending they plan for Rebecca from the start. If it did, why not build that narrative instead wasting your time introducing unnecessary new characters? Let us get to know the man better so we know that Rebecca will be taken care of by a man who truly knows her. 

Another issue: Henry. When did we ever see him actually missing his father? Because i feel like I missed that. Even that part of the story was told through other character, Dorothy, and not Henry himself. Why not have a scene where the kid express this himself? Even when he had problems at home, he can solve it himself (the bully story). 

Second to last: Ted himself. I don’t mind if their plan from the start was for him to have a Mary Poppins-like journey. What I had problems with is the way they build that theme. They’re too focusing on symbolism, they never truly build the narrative itself. If Ted was supposed to go back to Kansas from the start, why not show him what life he had and going to have there. This was never at any point shown or even hinted at. Also, Mary Poppins, unlike Ted, didn’t leave her hometown with a partner whose love for her has expired. They began Ted’s arc with showing him that his marriage is practically over that he needs to move an ocean away from her. That’s just saying to me that Ted desperately needs a new start (which they clearly displayed multiple times).

Lastly: The editing and the baiting. There are so many intentional edits and camera works and parallels that are meant to teased if not blatantly directed towards Ted & Rebecca. Why zoom in on the matchbook? The tiny soldiers?? Them talking at the hallway??? I can go on and on on this alone. Even to the opening scene of the finale. Just for shits and giggles for audiences who root for the two main leads? Honestly, that to me just felt cruel. Even if their intention was for them to be platonic soulmate, their words not mine, they never really addressed any of the elephant in the room anyway. The call, September 1991. So all I hear is them saying stuff and not following up on that. ALSO, to tease the idea of romcom MULTIPLE TIMES both on and off the show, even referring many times to Nora Ephron, only to laugh at your audience for believing in good old romance felt truly disrespectful to the late director. And as a long time fan of hers, I won’t let that slide. 

My point is: You can’t just patch bad writing with callbacks while ignoring a huge chunk of the character arcs you’ve built. That’s such a disservice to the beloved characters so many people have grown to love. 

And to say we take it personally? Excuse me, when your audience take your work personally, you should take it as a compliment because that means they connect with your work. So much for a show that preaches about being kind, I guess.

Anyway, I always feel sad and embarrassed when writers have to defend their decisions to their own audience. And that is what they/he did. You can elaborate on what you think happen post-finale to your audience, or even explain your intention, but when a big crowd of your audience question it, maybe you should take a look at the way you frame your story before you point fingers at them.

[zukkacore]

🌤️ & ☔ !!

🌤️Share your favorite piece of dialogue from your WIP.

okkk so this is cheating b/c this is actually. From an old draft of If You Want Divinity that was way darker. But I might reconstitute it for a new thing b/c I do.... like it, it just didn't fit with the tone:

“Or is this all a… What do you call it? A leap of faith?” He grabs Porter by the hair, pulling his head back so that he’s forced to look him in the eye. “Was there ever a moment you doubted my devotion?” His other hand wraps nicely around Porter’s throat, resting pretty. “Or did you always know I would choose you?” A Message. I can feel everything. All your rage, your shame, your desire, your lovely desperation. Your envy… Does that frighten you? To know you can never hide from me again? It must be some sort of miracle for him to actually intimidate Porter, but rage emboldens him. He’s kept two people under his skin so long that the company is comforting. You don’t have the guts. “You sure?” says Jace. A beat. Do it. His grip slackens.

I am gonna count Message as dialogue :')

☔Is there a fic concept you have that you'd like to just explain and share because you're not sure you'll ever write it? If so, what is it?

I have a couple that I'm not sure if I'm gonna finish or go for. A lot of these are kinda ambitious which i used to take on with gusto but i do have a problem with abandoning shit (and delayed gratification) so the idea of committing myself to a big piece is like. Maybe.... maybe.... At the same time, i am that kind of ambitious person, short things are not normally what i do. I have a few ideas that are not the most fleshed out:

I do genuinely really like the idea of doing a You've Got Mail rival academies AU but i also know that would probably take a tone of work and i'm like..... ughhhh. But i think they could do the hate to love thing. Its the Nora Ephron n Meg Ryan collab i think is the most fitting for the two of them (although if there was a when harry met sally (evil version) Take..... maybe)

Vaguely a timeloop au sounds fun. I LOOOOVE a timeloop. and have been wanting to write one for forever but i don't have a strong Vision on it right now. Don't know if its a timeloop to change what happened kind of timeloop or a timeloop to realize you can never go back kind of timeloop. There's also the Timeloop as Redemption angle that i think is fun, that's the groundhog day thing that's the happy death day thing and i think there's precedent of it being like. a Chronomancy thing. Aguefort subject these bitches to a timeloop so you can put them back on your payroll im begging you

Althought time loop purgatory also goes hand in hand with my joke that Porter and Jace should be subjected to a Bad Place Elmville as hell punishment. A vaguely inspired Good Place AU would be really funny i think. Again, it's too formless for me to know what to do with it. I don't actually think it should be that they think they're in The Good Place, i think the trick should be they're convinced ankarna gave them a second shot at life so now they life in elmville only everything is shifted slightly to the left bc its a pocket hell dimension meant to torture them. Like Chidi and Eleanor, oops they fell in love. Again. This is formless.

ALSO kinda goes hand in hand with my joke abt Ankarnatown i made a while back like Jace fetching Porter from hell??? no notes. But like. damn i gotta make it myself?? That sucks

I honestly sincerely might write some zara/clones or lucilla/clones stuff. That ones purely and indulgence. Purely just for me. I wanted to include a small zara/jace throughline or a lucilla/j2 implication in Almost but it just like. Did not have the air for that i just felt like it didn't fit for the tone it just kinda was detracting (as much as zarajace making porter jealouse wouldve been fun) and just in there for me b/c i like Persephades Orphydice

Again this is formless. All i'm gonna say is i drew a gamechanger au. and now i think the idea of Aguefort subjecting his staff to gameshows for personal enrichment is so funny. Aguefort heaven is porter hell its a very efficient system

[xocontinentaldrift]

March 5, 2023

+ Had lunch with Jenn today! We met up at Spider Sushi and shared some rolls and shumai, and caught up on everything that happened over the years. It was so fun! She also brought some of the letters we sent one another and it was such a trip to see my handwriting from back then. It was sooooo good to see old friends and have a real conversation about real things!

+ Other than that, this day wasn’t all that productive or interesting or even restful. I did wear my Rachel Comey sweatshirt, khaki green leggings and my cream-colored platform combat boots. But the day was just drudgery: doing dishes, putting shit away, folding clothes, sigh.

+ I did read more of the Nora Ephron book, and enjoy how smart and witty she was. I love how breezy, sardonic and smart she was, I wish she was still alive making work. I wish I had that fluency in tone, how conversational her voice was — cosmopolitan but in a very accessible way. It’s very Upper West Side: educated, a little pretentious in its urbanity, but still middlebrow. I have sort of always wanted to be that person myself, just like someone working at a publishing company who takes the subway to work and comes home, stops by her corner bodega on the way home and hangs out at night at her cute little studio.

[bewitching-elizabeth-olsen]

Press: Streaming, With Only a Little Trepidation

“I’ve never had more fun on a job before,” says the WandaVision lead who spoke with the Ted Lasso star about their shows, the Scarlett Johansson lawsuit, and what happens to the theatrical moviegoing experience now.

In Reunited, Awards Insider hosts a conversation between two Emmy nominees who have collaborated on a previous project. Here, we speak with WandaVision star Elizabeth Olsen and Ted Lasso co-creator and star Jason Sudeikis, who previously starred in the 2017 film Kodachrome.

VANITY FAIR: Elizabeth Olsen and Jason Sudeikis met for the first time just before filming their 2017 indie Kodachrome, but they already had at least one thing in common: a “big old crush” on Ed Harris, as Olsen describes it. “He did not disappoint at all,” adds Sudeikis. “He stuck up for us. He cared about us. He cared about the movie.”

A guide to Hollywood’s biggest races

Now, the two have much more in common, as first-time Emmy nominees. Olsen is nominated for lead actress for her work as Wanda Maximoff in WandaVision, a Disney+ limited series that explores grief and loss, through a superhero story wrapped in a parody of TV sitcoms. Sudeikis earned four Emmy nominations for Apple TV+’s darling Ted Lasso, which he cocreated, cowrote, and stars in as Ted, a cheery American football coach who attempts to coach an English Premier League soccer team.

In early August, Olsen and Sudeikis reunited over Zoom to chat with Vanity Fair about transitioning these characters to TV, their views on the new streaming empires, and what they think of the lawsuit Scarlett Johansson recently brought against Disney regarding the strategy to stream Black Widow simultaneously with its theatrical release.

Vanity Fair: It’s been quite a few years since you shot Kodachrome. What do you remember about where you were on your trajectories at that time?

Elizabeth Olsen: Of life? It was when I was at a down trajectory.

Jason Sudeikis: Personally or professionally? I feel like from the outside, it only seems like you operate in one direction [motions upward].

Olsen: From a personal standpoint. So, I was excited to get to do a small movie, an intimate job that had some levity. And that was really nice. And I have a big old crush on Ed Harris and I still do.

Sudeikis: Yeah. To know that the director was like, “hey, we’re thinking about Jason Sudeikis for this role” and then Ed Harris stayed on, It was like, “all right, pleasant surprise. Pleasant surprise.”

Your current projects, WandaVision and Ted Lasso, may seem very different but do have one thing in common: they both feature characters that originated elsewhere. Wanda is obviously from the Marvel films and Jason you played Ted Lasso in commercials. Why did you feel these characters would work on a TV series?

Olsen: I got really comfortable in the Marvel movies, taking up my piece of the story and my piece of, how does my little arc work in this much larger arc with 30 other characters? And so the idea of all the focus being on me and Paul [Bettany] totally freaked me out. And that it was on television felt weird because these characters are superheroes and maybe they should be seen on big screens and not televisions. But the entire DNA of the show was meant for television. It was written for television. The arc has to be told through television. And from an actor’s point of view, it was something I’d never done. I’ve never done sitcom acting, let alone go through the decades with it.

And I’ve never had more fun on a job before. We got to go to work and just feel like an idiot all the time. And all of us, we’d be like hamming, hamming, hamming, and use each other as these barometers of “are we doing this too much? Is this now just a parody? Is this a joke? At what point are we supposed to dial it back?” And at one point I did, I think, a quadruple take, and that was the first time the director asked me to pull it back and just do a double take. So it was pretty incredible to get to expand on the character and this world, but do it from a totally different perspective. I’m so grateful for that job.

Sudeikis: Have you hosted SNL yet?

Olsen: God no!

Sudeikis: No? Well, I’m not going to agent you and be like, “if they ask, would you ever want to?” But, look, I know you’re funny. It was really fun to watch you do multi-cam sitcom acting. And then the genre thing, it made me be like, “oh, she would crush on SNL”. You’re always going to internalize stuff because you’re, in my opinion, very, very talented and very, very smart. So then even when you externalize things, like a quadruple take, it would be joyful to watch even in the attempt. Watching the show, it didn’t seem at all like an aberration or like you were putting it on. It felt well conceived and well thought out. And it almost made me wonder if the creator was aware of that or was it all just an act of faith on their part.

Olsen: It was a total act of faith. What they did is they took comedy actors who are really funny and gave them the more dramatic stuff. Because they thought that would balance out when we failed. And we’re like, “You guys are very smart for doing this.”

Sudeikis: Now, are you putting that on them or was that articulated to you day one?

Olsen: We talked about it. We were so open about it. We’re like, “this is very clever that you guys put some of the funniest actors in MCU in these dramatic parts.” But SNL, I watch it every Saturday when it’s live. I’m obsessed with SNL and that’s why I would never! It’s like the ocean. I respect the ocean so much and that’s why I don’t need to go in it.

Sudeikis: I don’t know. I think we’ll see. This is going to be like Charles Foster Kane’s declaration of principles. “I would never host SNL.” And then, “And your host, Elizabeth Olsen.”

Olsen: So tell me about Lasso: small to big.

Sudeikis: Me and my buddies, Joe [Kelly] and Brendan [Hunt], did those commercials in 2013, 2014, and we then sat down to talk about it in 2015. And it was kind of like, “okay, is it another set of commercials? Is it a movie?” I knew what the character was and we all grew up with great sports films, by Ron Shelton and Rudy and Hoosiers and things like that. But then also liked Nora Ephron, you know? We wanted to make something that had a little bit of romance. And romance may not be sexual, it’s also a platonic version of romance. And the story just sort of spooled out of us in a way that garnered a pilot episode and then a well-beat-out outline for a season. Because we were kind of modeling it after the British Office where it’d be like six episodes, six episodes, and then maybe an hour and a half special, like a movie type thing. Not wanting to take up too much space and not knowing how long it would go. And so it only could be a TV show, was the way it felt.

And so then it went away for a while because that was in 2015. And then lo and behold, it comes back around when I met Bill Lawrence for this other project. That one didn’t work out, but he was like, “Do you have anything?” I said, “Well, we have this.” And I remember having a whole bunch of stuff in this office, more work than I think he realized. He’s like, “Oh yeah, this is definitely, this is a whole thing. Okay. Wow. You guys have really thought this through.”

Olsen: Did you have a [writers] room or did you already write most of it?

Sudeikis: No, we definitely had a room. It was like I knew the chords, I knew the structure of things. We had a great room of 11 people for the first season. With hiring people, we just had good fortune. I didn’t know it was interesting at the time, but asking people during the interview process who their mentors were, who were the people that encouraged them, who made you think you could do this for a living—you can learn a lot about a person by listening to them talk about their mentors, their heroes.

Olsen: With the jokes, I feel like they’re so quick, but they’re so specific to people who watch sports and who knows sports. Well, not all of them, but a lot of the jokes are. Do you have a list of ones that you want to get in there or are these coming up in the room? Because it gets me as a big sports person.

Sudeikis: It really depends on it. There’s some ideas that I’d had for years and years that are just from old notebooks that I used to carry around when I worked on SNL before you would type things into a phone. And storylines and themes and characters that have just been ruminating in my head based on other ideas for either movies or sketches that didn’t make it. And then a big part of the room is that we have this collective consciousness that isn’t all sports.

And then with specific soccer jokes, we do try to include jokes that we call “two percenters” that only football fans would like. Just as our little tip of the cap because we wouldn’t be here without that group of people digging our shit back in the commercial days.

Your shows were on Disney+ and Apple TV+. Did you have any concerns about them being on streaming services, which were relatively new at the time, and finding an audience?

Sudeikis: It’d probably be more so if it was like Goodyear TV+, if it was some brand that didn’t already rule the world of entertainment and technology.

Olsen: I did a version of that with Facebook. And I didn’t like that experience. I loved my show [Sorry for Your Loss] and I loved everyone that I worked with. But the Facebook relationship was frustrating because of the lack of television experience and how the platform is organized. When we went to season two, we had a meeting that our show called for Facebook to have with us, so that we can give them our notes about their platform and why we think it’s really hard to find our show on their platform and how it’s congested. So I was anxious going into Disney+. But I knew it was Disney. And I think I was more anxious with the Marvel characters being on television than I was about the Disney+ element.

Sudeikis: Golly, I didn’t even consider that. And you’re absolutely right, because Facebook would be closer to Apple. Truth is we didn’t have a choice. We pitched it to a bunch of different places. They were the only ones that would open the door and say, “yeah, come in out of the rain, you can hang out in here. You can do your little show in here.” And so, the trepidation was alleviated by the fact that there was nowhere else open to us.

Olsen: Facebook and Apple I feel like aren’t that similar.

Sudeikis: No, but they hadn’t created content before.

Olsen: Well, Facebook now is [scaling back] scripted content.

Speaking of streaming, both of you have starred in big theatrical movies. Are either of you worried about the theatrical experience, in the way that COVID has changed how movies are being released at this point? We saw how that’s playing out with Scarlett Johansson’s recent lawsuit.

Olsen: I’m worried about a bunch of things. Not worried on Scarlett’s behalf. But I’m worried about small movies getting the opportunity to be seen in theaters. That was already a thing pre-COVID. I like going to the movies and I don’t necessarily want to see only an Oscar contender or a blockbuster. I would like to see art films and art house theaters. And so I do worry about that, and people having to keep these theaters alive. And I don’t know how financially that works for these theaters. I do hope that there’s some sort of solution that the larger companies are coming together to keep, at least in L.A. this is going to happen. But I do think it’s going to be how it kind of used to be when studios owned theaters. And I have a feeling that we might go back to that being the only way to keep them alive with such expensive real estate. But when it comes to actors and their earnings, I mean, that’s just, that’s just all contracts. So it’s either in the contract or it’s not. What about you? Are you worried about Scarlett?

Sudeikis: Of course. How could I not? She’s married to my comedy brother [SNL’s Colin Jost].

Olsen: I think she’s so tough and literally when I read that I was like, ���good for you Scarlett.”

Sudeikis: Well, I mean, it is appropriately bad-ass and on brand. I think it’s also married to yes, the COVID of it all and success of the streaming sites. But also just technology. I mean this thing [points at his TV] is as good as any movie theater, and all that stuff is getting cheaper and cheaper. If you’re a family of five and you’re going out there and it’s a whole thing. And yet the communal experience, towards Lizzie’s point is, is one that you can’t replicate in home. You can’t replicate through social media. I think both of our shows have succeeded greatly on their own merit, but it’s certainly written further through people’s love of them socially. Which would have happened back in the day around a water cooler. And while that’s nice, it’s still not the same as sitting next to everybody and getting scared at the same time or cheering at the same time and laughing at the same time.

I do think though, if we just use anecdotally, Kodachrome as an example, more people probably have seen it because it got on Netflix than they would have in the theater. And the more that happens, the better. So it’s like there is that reach that as long as those streaming sites are still paying to make those little movies, they have the opportunity to be seen. And so it is this balance. I just hope that with that still comes creative autonomy, and we don’t lose sight of that.

What about the experience of making these shows will you take on to your next project and the one after that?

Olsen: Well, I definitely had a shake-up to use my full body as an actor. I had to create a character and voices. And just all the technical stuff that I have loved doing my whole life was just shook up a bit. And so I’m now really excited to do more of that and to feel a bit freer in building characters. And so that has really informed the next thing I’m working on now and preparing for. It’s just kind of put me back in my actory body in a really good way.

And hosting SNL.

Olsen: Of course, now I’ll host SNL because stage fright has nothing to do with that. I can do a monologue in front of people and make them laugh.

Sudeikis: Not a prerequisite. Having worked there for 10 years, not a prerequisite. Well, the tacky answer is it’d be tough not being the boss again. And I’m fucking flabbergasted that people have picked up so much what we set down for them. You know what I mean? From colleagues on the writing and acting side to just regular folks back home, people I’ve never even met. It’s thrilling. I have to try to make sense of that for myself. And I think a lot of it has to do with it being something so personal. And so that might be the thing to lean into.

Olsen: It’s interesting you say that because immediately three days after wrapping, I had to go into a film where we’re not in WandaVision land, obviously. I mean, they kind of are a muscle, these Marvel movies. Instead of going back to that routine of it, I tried to do what you’re saying. I was like, “okay, so what can I play with that I haven’t gotten to that’ll at least satisfy something inside me that I want to play with right now?”

Sudeikis: I don’t know when I’ll get to do that again, when I’ll do that next. Because yeah, it’s Lasso—

Olsen: Lasso forever.

Sudeikis: At least for a little bit longer.

Olsen: Is it what you said, three seasons and then a special?

Sudeikis: I mean, the special would have been the third season with the initial thing. Now you sound like you’re my agent or manager.

Olsen: Oh good, that’s what I came here for. That’s what I wanted to do.

Sudeikis: Who sent you? I know the end of this story. I mean, the fact that we have a third season could fucking blow it all and ruin what would people like so much of the first season. We might be in the middle of doing it now in the second season. I don’t know. We’re just doing it the same way we did it last time. So we’ll see. But yeah, that’s a big old, long winded question mark.

Olsen: Or an ellipsis.

Press: Streaming, With Only a Little Trepidation was originally published on Elizabeth Olsen Source • Your source for everything Elizabeth Olsen

[365days365movies]

February 20, 2021: An Affair to Remember (Part 2)

Tom Hanks, if you would.

We shall! Recap Part 1 is right here!

Recap (2/2)

Time passes, and the two of them return home. Nickie is immediately greeted with an interview at the mansion of his wealthy fiancée, Lane Kent. Wait...sorry, no, Lois Clark (Neva Patterson). That was a silly mistake, my apologies. Anyway, Nickie and Lois & Clark: The Adventures of Superman are being interviewed by Robert Q. Lewis, the reporter from the beginning, and Nickie says that he’ll be picking up painting again, and that the two will be married in six months. This surprises his fiancée.

Terry’s not sure how to feel about it either, as she watches the interview from home, with her significant other, Kenneth Bradley (Richard Denning). What’s with the spouses having two first names? Weird. Anyway, Ken Brad notices that Terry seems quiet, especially while watching the interview. He puts shit together FAST, and realizes that she’s in love with him. Seems to trigger the end of their relationship, as Terry walks into a FANTASTIC shot.

Damn, director and cinematographer coming in CLUTCH today! Anyway, time moves forward, Nickie’s pursuing painting, but not under his own name, making this more difficult for him. However, he eventually becomes an advertisement painter, selling few paintings along the way. Terry, meanwhile, has picked up club singing once again, and does manage to become somewhat successful. She sings the theme song of the film, in English this time.

It’s been six months, and she arrives back in New York to meet up with Nickie. She goes to buy a dress, and the shop managers call Ken, who rushes down to see her. But she’s in a hurry to get to the ESB, and tells Ken that she’s on her way to get married. Ken wishes her happiness, and offers his services as a rebound guy, just in case. She rushes there in a cab, and then rushes off screen...where tires screech, and a woman’s scream is heard. Uh oh.

Nickie heads to the building, waiting to see Terry. But, to his deep dismay, she never shows up. He leaves that night, heartbroken. But why didn’t she show up? Y’know, car accident, permanently paralyzed from the waist down, so on and so forth. And from here, things change for the two.

Nickie goes back to his grandmother’s place, where he remembers her on the piano, singing the theme song with his grandmother. Family friend Marius appears, and gives Nickie a shawl that his grandmother wanted to give to Terry, and I get the feeling that Janou’s unfortunately passed away at this point.

Six months later, Terry’s gotten a job at a school as a music teacher, which we seems happy with. This is shown in a song sequence that is...FAR too long, holy shit. It’s a long-ass song sequence. Cute enough, though. Nickie heads to an art gallery, where his work’s been displayed. While there, he gets a call from Lois, who’s still hoping to get back together with him. She invites him to a ballet that night, and he accepts.

They attend the ballet that night, and while there, he sees a familiar face: Terry, who’s also there with Ken Brad. She says hello to him, and he returns it. However, it’s obviously quite tense. See, Nickie doesn’t know that she’s paralyzed, as she’s been too ashamed to tell him. Ken seems to want to tell him, though. And JUST LIKE IN SLEEPLESS...damn, she left behind a real good guy.

Anyway, it’s Christmas Eve, and Terry’s confined to her bed for...some reason. They really don’t make that clear. Later, she’s left alone in her apartment, when somebody comes a-calling...it’s Nickie, who’s somehow learned her address.

Terry still hides her paralysis from Nickie, who reveals that he found her name and address in the phonebook. He confronts her about her absence from the Empire State Building, but she dodges the question. Its admittedly awkward as FUCK. He basically pretends that he didn’t go there after all, and she pretends that she did, and it’s...it’s awkward.

But over time, they start to reveal some things. Neither of them married, and Terry states that their deal was that if one of them couldn’t make it to their Empire date, it’d be for a good reason. But she doesn’t elaborate, and they move on. Nickie gives her the shawl from his grandmother, who did indeed pass away. It’s revealed that Terry did indeed send her letters, but they all came back.

With that, Nickie grabs his coat, and heads on his way out, but stops to say that he painted her in that shawl, but his art dealer gave the painting away to a woman in a wheelchair. It’s at that point that he realizes the truth, and sees the painting in her bedroom, finally realizing that she’s paralyzed.

She finally reveals the truth, with the following quote.

Oh, it was nobody's fault but my own. I was looking up. It was the nearest thing to heaven. You were there.

And that’s An Affair to Remember! And it’s...good! It’s good. It, uh...I, uh...I don’t know if it’s...greatSHIT WAS NORA EPHRON RIGHT?

See you in the Review!

[wordynerdygurl]

The Testing Kind

Part 3

Author's Note: This is Part 3 with Part 4 being posted today as well!  It was too large a file for one post... so enjoy that! Thanks for the patience everyone... this  was a doozy!

Pairing: Loki and Plus Size Female Reader

Warnings:  Implied Violence... Fluff for days.

Summary: Loki is going to prove himself deserving of you and your date night is his first opportunity to do so! What happens when you get into a spot of trouble and your favorite god is nearby?

Saturday's were usually quiet. You liked them that way. Long walks in the park, lounging in your library, couch naps, all favorite pastimes for lazy Saturday afternoons. Having spent your morning at the book shop, trying not to think about Loki, you picked up a book of poetry.  At lunch, ordering a sandwich, you couldn't help noticing the server's eyes, blue but not as bright as Loki's. 

When you stretched out on your couch, napping your top priority, your mind wandered back to Loki and your unplanned dinner date. The feel of his hands on your body, those soft lips and oh god, just thinking about it made your panties wet.  Closing your eyes, deep breathing to relax yourself, your willful brain kept returning to the man who had held you so close. Sweet dreams of swaying hips and hungry kisses lulled you to sleep.  

Your post lunch siesta was languid and long, rejuvenating you.  And waking with a stretch, you reach for your phone, finding a single, unopened message from "You Know Who".

"Did you get my note?"

The text was seconds old, as if it'd sent the moment your eyes had fluttered open. Pushing off the soft sofa, excited by the surprise, you slip on shoes, ready to rush down to the mailbox. You didn't make it that far.

On your hall floor, inches from the door, was a heavy cream envelope. Inside there was a single card. In golden ink on emerald paper, written in a man's bold style was the message, "Knock, knock..."

Reading his card makes time stand still. After your impromptu dinner date and tongue tasting last night, you knew Loki was interested in more. He had asked about taking you out tonight, but this... this was some romance novel level skill.

Knowing that he was now waiting outside your door had stolen your breathe. Knocking against your ribs, your yearning heart raced, suddenly aware of your yoga pants and baggy tee. Wishing you could throw on a pretty dress or at least some mascara, you fluffed your short hair in the hallway mirror, pinched your cheeks to redden them just a touch and licked your lips. "Whoa... steady girl." 

Excitement made opening all five of your door locks a challenge. Your nervous hands kept slipping. And you swore at the stopper, wedged so carefully under your jamb, that you had to bend over to free the thing. You just knew your skin was crimson from anticipation but you pulled open the door anyway.

The hall was empty. Well, empty of people. Empty of Loki. And just as your heart was sinking you notice the golden box with its green card tucked under the ribbon, resting at your door.

"Take me inside and open me..."

Looking up and down your hall for any sign of the trickster, finding none, you do as the note commands and heft the large gift through your doorway. Lifting the lid you find another card, iridescent ink in Loki's scrawl provide you with these directions:

"Darling, Don't think me too forward. It's my understanding that you'll find everything you need for our date this evening in this box... If you care to join me, I'll be the devastatingly handsome man in the car downstairs. I can't wait to see you. - You know who"

"Holy shit." 

Who does this type of thing? Tom Hanks in a Nora Ephron movie, maybe? But you're no Meg Ryan. Not even close. And never in a million years could you have imagined this sort of treatment. You're being courted like a Julia Roberts' character. It's unfamiliar but also alluring as hell.

You tear through the paper, like a kid at Christmas, digging until you find the dress.  Short but appropriate. Figure flattering, you think, as you lift the garment from its package. Gold, which seems to be a theme, sparkling but not heavy, this dress is top quality and clearly costly. 

Underneath more tissue lay a pair of shoes. Strappy, with a thick heel that feels sturdy, but still classy cool. Loki had nailed your style and somehow managed to elevate it as well. In a green velvet bag, nestled in the corner of your gift, you find a pair of hoop earrings the exact shade of gold your dress gave off, emerald stones studding the circlets. 

"He thought of everything..." and you giggled out loud at the insanity of all this. You were amazed at the details Loki captured, outfitting you from top to bottom, in clothes that were not from the outlet store. Just when you thought you'd unwrapped everything from your Mischief maker, another layer of paper parted.

Moaning softly, your core tightened reflectively as you reveal a pair of green lace panties, edged in black ribbon. The accompanying bra, corresponding in color and material, was a piece of wearable art. Loki would know what your underwear looked like.  He had selected them for you, after all. It made you blush again, heat rising in your face.

Looking at the outfit Loki sent, you shook your head.  All of his effort, which some might read as self serving, you actually found endearing.  There was intention behind all of Loki's moves, he had admitted as much during one of your conversations, and to you it seemed like winning you over was his end game.

Biting on your lip, smiling at your expensive, over the top present, you headed for the bathroom.  You had a date to get ready for.

---

He was nervous.  Why should he be?  The gift had been delivered, as he requested.  The car was waiting, directions to your destination locked and loaded.  Now, all Loki needed was you.

Pacing the sidewalk, Loki stalls as you push through the apartment door.  He knew the dress would look good on you but he wasn't prepared for how good it would look.  Mouth dry, words failing him, Loki can only offer you a boyish grin.  

"Good evening!"  You're effervescent and sparkling, Loki is caught in the glow of you, a moth to your flame.  Leaning into him, you plant a little kiss on his cheek, "Well? What do you think?" Twirling, eager for his approval, you strut and spin, showing off.

Shaking his head, clearing the stupor of seeing you all shined up, "What do I think?  I think you need to get into the car." His hands circle your waist, pulling you tight enough to feel Loki's beating heart.

"What?"

"You look good enough to eat, my darling.  If you don't get in now, I'm afraid I'm going to take you, right here on this filthy sidewalk."  

"Oooo… I see.  Well, don't threaten me with a good time, sailor."  Throwing a mock salute, you tease Loki, shamelessly.

Whispering into your ear, fingers digging into the swell of your hip, "It's no threat.  It's a promise. Tonight, you're mine!"

Chuckling sweetly, batting your eyelashes his way, "And here I thought you just wanted to buy me dinner."

"Breakfast.  I'm holding out for breakfast, dear."

Turning to face him, one foot in the car, you counter tartly, "Let's see if you can stay up that late, Odinson."

"Oh, I can do this all night."

---

Dinner is not what you expected.

Opting out of fancy, formal dining rooms or tiny, bustling bistros, Loki surprises you by pulling up at a row of food trucks.  People mill around, their laughter mingling with the shouts of stall workers. Playful children and music from the band performing live vie for attention from the adults present.  

It's unexpectedly lovely.  A pop up festival, bringing neighbors together for a night of food and fun. Your favorite little park, lit up with twinkle lights and vintage light posts, reflected in the shimmering river.

"I hope this is alright."

Swallowing swiftly, "Loki!  It's amazing!"

Beaming, he grabs your hand.  "What shall we have first?"

"Is that a taco truck?"  You wiggle your eyebrows excitedly, making Loki grin.

Nodding knowingly, he steers you toward the long line of tacos lovers, "Let's go, then."

As you wait, making small talk about your day, listening to Loki describe dealing with the Avengers, you have a minute to look him over.

Black trousers, finely pressed, accentuate his long legs.  They match his well fitted jacket, snug over the bright white shirt he's wearing.  Loki doesn't wear a tie, and somehow that's the sexiest thing about this outfit. The unbuttoned collar, loose and relaxed, shows just the telltale signs of chest hair, raven's wing black like his long locks.

"Darling, you're um… staring."

"Oh!  I… It couldn't be helped."  Sputtering, you blush at getting caught ogling your date.

"See something you like, little dove?"  Something in his cinnamon steel tone makes your body react.  There's lots that you like about Loki, his lethal good looks, the sexy sound of his voice, those strong, handsome hands.  But what you like best is his ability to spar with you, intellectually. And that's also why you answer him, "Eh… I haven't decided yet."

Faking shock, "Still not convinced?"

Elbowing him, "Like I'd tell you that."

"That really hurts, dearest.  I am wounded. Bleeding."

Your wine tinted laugh gives him goosebumps, "You'll live."

---

Tacos ordered and eaten, beers consumed.  Walking and talking, Loki tells you about Thor and their childhood together.  You spill about your family, your work, and your wants. When you're with Loki it feels so natural, as if you had always been together, as if you always would be.  His hand grabs yours, twining fingers, connecting you to each other. It's not enough for him. Anxious to hold you closer, Loki directs you towards the band and makeshift dance floor in front of the stage.

"Let's dance"  Those blue eyes twinkle at the prospect.

"Loki, I'm a terrible dancer." An easy and truthful excuse, if not the whole story. Reluctance made your feet heavy.

Grinning widely, "Lucky for you, I'm not." Loki, eager to have his arms around you, feel your body close to his, was radiating excitement.

Gripping your hand in his, Loki, more than urgently coaxing, leads you towards the musicians and the couples already moving to the music. Stalling, your tentative steps slow, a gap as your clasped hands stretch apart. "Loki... I don't know about this." 

Your free hand fidgets, tugging at the golden hem of your dress, trying to hide more of your body than material would allow. Anxiety curled in your belly poisoning your brain. Your muscles stiffening in dread.

Blissfully unaware, "I brought you here to show you off. You see, I want everyone... everything, to know you're my girl!"

But how could you tell him that, as sweet as his sentiments were, you still felt as though you took up too much room? How you couldn't shake the sense that all the people here were waiting to see you stumble, eager to laugh, to poke fun at the flailing, falling fat girl? "Loki... please..."

It was whiny. It was pleading, in either case, making yourself the center of attention made you feel weak, fragile, vulnerable. Tightening against your arm, Loki was practically forcing you into the throng of swirling bodies.  Bracing your legs hard, pulling against his hold, "Loki... No, ok?"

Unfazed, jerking against your wrist, "Darling, I promise, it'll be fun! Come on!..."

"No!"

You hadn't meant to shout it. Nearby, snapping heads focused on the pair of you, scandalized and shocked. Shrugging free from your date's grip, turning away from Loki, you brusquely made your way through the crowd, filling eyes on a distant spot to collect yourself.

"Darling! Wait!" Loki's voice, calling to you over the din of merrymaking, sounds surprised.

Spinning your head towards his, your attention diverted for only a second, your shoe catches on the sidewalk. To keep from crashing into the ground, arms flailing, you turn too quickly and rush into a wide wall of a man. Colliding at full speed, you feel his beer splash onto the ground, amber liquid washing over your feet. 

"The fuck?! Look where you're going, you stupid bitch!"

"What?! I'm sorry... what?" Stunning, that's what his vulgar comments were, disorienting and rude. Radiating drunken anger, now directly focused on you, he moved closer.

Naturally, you took a small step backwards, but this man was out with his friends.  Guys who were just as large, just as crude, taunting you with hurtful words. Blocking any retreat you might have made, the lined up loosely behind you. Bubbling panic, revulsion and shame rose in you, each more bitter tasting than the last.

You couldn't even vocalize a cry for help.  The abrupt change in energy paralyzed you. Luckily, your date wasn't too far away. "Excuse me? Perhaps I can assist here?"

Loki, stepping smartly through the divide of dudes, cut into the conversation, casually commanding everyone's attention. Without looking directly at you, Loki put himself between you and the threat, creating a physical shield with his body. Stepping up to Loki's brogues, the loudmouth countered, "Oh yea? The fuck are you gonna do, you skinny ass punk?"

"So, so many things... but for the sake of my lady, I'm going to offer you a fresh drink and let bygones be bygones. What do you say?" Flashing the grin that hid all of his feelings, Loki seethed inwardly, yet calmly offered the offending oaf his hand.

"I say, fuck you and your clumsy bitch!" Punctuating this curse with a rude hand gesture, the thug pushed against Loki, attempting to assert dominance.  Chin raised in defiance, ham handed fists curled at his sides, the man was itching for a fight. Drawing to your side, his arm circling your waist, Loki could feel your fear rising. While his own ire climbed, thundering through his body, Loki remained outwardly stoic.

"Oh no. Please. I beg you. Reconsider." You'd never heard Loki's voice like this before. Arid but still acidic, dripping with icy poison, his words burned with cold fury.

You just wanted to leave.  Fighting and violence isn't high on your list of favorite past times.  And you know that while Loki can hold his own, you hate the idea that he might have to… on your date, no less.  "Loki... come on. Let's go." Tugging on his suit sleeve, you tried to redirect him. "I'm fine. Really." But you weren't and Loki knew that, too.

"Best listen to that fat whore."

A joyless laugh left Loki as he shook his head, shrugging, looking at you. "I tried."

There was a blur, movements too fast to track, as Loki brushed you away from the action. You heard a cracking pop as skin met bone, next a mewling whimper, then the sound of bulk hitting the concrete. Your eyes had been open the whole time and still you wouldn't believe what you were seeing. It was over in seconds, ending with Loki, shaking in rage, standing over the knocked out form of your insulter. 

Straightening himself, chest heaving, Loki ran his trembling hands through his hair in an effort to settle himself. Coming back into his right mind, Loki looking to the friends of the defeated foe, "Take this mannerless... buffoon away from here."  They wasted no time complying.

Casting his eyes on you, Loki saw the doe eyed distress in your expression.  Part fear, part excitement, he wasn't sure which side you were leaning towards.  He wanted to protect you, tuck you to his side, and keep you there safely. But you stood stock still, a hand over the surprised "o" of your mouth.  Maybe if you shouted at him, Loki would feel better. But he was completely undone by the softness of your voice. Your unnerving whisper, "Loki! Oh my god..."

In shock, struggling to process everything that had preceded your rescue by fists, you were gaping at Loki, eyes wide.  He reached for you, hand outstretched, "Darling...?"

In that word Loki tried to say so much.  "I'm sorry. Don't be frightened… don't go.  Not now, when you've seen my striped down, barest instinct at work."  But what you heard in his endearment, Loki had no way to know. 

Didn't you understand that Loki hadn't planned on knocking this... ass out. Your date was supposed to end with drunken giggles and hot kisses, not silence and sulking. Loki hadn't planned on a lot of things the night had thrown his way, your reluctance to dance with him, the sexy way you'd held your ground, the way your hips swayed as you left him behind.  No, he hadn't planned on wanting you even more. When that goon narrowed his eyes, seeing you an easy mark, Loki was surprised at just how mad it made him. You were his, damn it, and there was no way in Hel he was going to let anything happen to you.  

That's why watching you walk away from him for the second time this evening, well, that hurt worse than his swelling knuckles.

--- What, exactly, were you supposed to do now?

Adrenaline from witnessing Loki lay out that piece of human garbage pulsed through you, making your head swim and your skin tingle. Intense. That was the only word for the last, what was it? Twenty minutes? 

In that time so much has happened. You had gone from carefree and flirting to dragged on the dance floor then being rescued like a Disney princess.  What a night! Willing your body to inhale and exhale, shaking your hands to clear the excess energy you held, you began walking towards the water.

Luckily, the festival was uninterrupted. You could still hear the sound of laughter and music, fainter now, as you moved further away. This park, you knew it well by day, having spent many a Saturday morning strolling around it, tea in hand. At night it was no less lovely, with long shadows and vintage lamp posts lighting the winding paths, leading you quietly to the bank.

At the river's rail, a good distance from the night's festivities, you hooked one heeled foot over the lowest rung and leaned towards the rushing water. Resting your elbows on the aging metal, cool in the evening air, you admonished yourself for freaking out back there.  But it was justified, right? 

And Loki, he had to realize that you weren’t a subject of Asgard.  You weren’t someone he could order around.  There would be no forcing you to do his bidding, even if that bidding was swaying to a samba beat.  Your mind was torn between regret and anger. How hard would it have been to dance with him? You chastised yourself. If you had pushed yourself, stepped out of your comfort zone and into a step touch, then you would never know the sound of that disgusting man's voice.  Or the rude names he'd called you.

But then... Loki wouldn't have rescued you either. He had laid out that enormous piece of shit with one swing. As terrifying as it was to witness, no one had ever come to your defense like that before.  And, if you were honest, he looked amazing doing it.

Loki would think you were ungrateful, your mind said. That his stepping in to help you was what drove you away. In reality, your own insecurity had forced you to flee. How could Loki want a woman who got herself into situations that required his violent interventions? A person who couldn't even thank him for his help? A person, in his eyes, ashamed to be seen with him?

"There you are."

You shifted towards his voice, inky dark like the water in front you, as Loki braced his long back against the protective bars. Resisting the urge to fold you to him, be reassured that your feelings towards him hadn't vanished, Loki maintained a calculated distance. "First, please, tell me that you're alright?"

Loki saw your head bob, watching carefully as you pulled your bottom lip between your teeth, eyes refusing to swing his way. With an anguished whisper, "Can you no longer bear to look at me, little dove? Am I that monstrous, now?"

Hearing Loki's broken vibrato, the pained tremor in his tone, had you facing him in a second. "Monstrous? No... you're no monster, Loki."

"But... you ran?"

Nodding again, your eyes rising to his, shiny with unshed thoughts, "Yup."

"Look… that guy…"

Pushing away from the rough rail, rounding on Loki, "He was an asshole.  One of a thousand I've dealt with in my life. They all say the same things, fat bitch, stupid slut, blah, blah, blah."

"So… I was right to…"

"Punch him?  Yes! Of course… although, I wish you hadn't.  I mean. I wish you hadn't needed to." Dropping her hands to her side, sighing, she turned focus back to the river.

"So, what? Is it my fault then?  You bump into the biggest… idiot here and I'm to blame?"

"Oh, he's not the biggest idiot here."

"I beg your pardon?  Are you saying…?"

Voice going slightly shrill, "Yea.  I am. You're the big dummy, you big dummy!"  Toe to toe with Loki, head raised in righteousness fury, "You can't just make me do whatever you want, ya know?  I… I don't like to dance. Not in front of people anyway. And…"

In that moment Loki realized two truths.  First, you were a fiery fighter, laying into him in a way no one had for ages.  It made him smile. Second, "You're right. I am an idiot." 

His about face took the wind out of her sails.  She softened her shoulders a touch. Scanning Loki's face for falsehood, finding none, "Well, as long as you know that."

Silence spread between you.  Not uncomfortable but not quite your easy vibe.  Breaking the gentle din, "You're not... afraid of me, right?"

With a sigh, you thoughtfully answered, "Me? No... no. I'm not... but those guys? Yea, I'd say they're terrified."

It was a stupid joke, small even, but it helped break the tension of tonight. A smile, gentle and sweet grew across Loki's face. Exhaling a breath he didn't recall holding, opening his arms, "Come here....please?" 

You resisted, just a moment's hesitation, as you weren't keen on giving in so easily. But he sounded so pleased with your answer, content. Loki slid closer, his hip bumping into yours, the drifting breeze carrying the scent of his cologne, and you couldn't help but surrender.

You let Loki draw you into his chest, the point of his chin resting on the crown of your head, comforting you both. "I... I wanted to show you off, you see. I thought it would be... well, fun. Considering that you might not want to dance? Or be the center of everyone's attention? It... well, it didn't even cross my mind."

"I... I'm just very self conscious, Loki." Stepping out of the comforting circle of Loki's body, facing him fully, "I spend so much of my life trying to make myself smaller... not be seen, not take up too much space, ya know? And tonight the least I could do... was dance with you." Ending with a breathless whisper, Loki's impossibly sharp features so near your own, you noticed the battling feelings of self loathing for his misstep and wolfish desire shining from those bottomless blue depths. 

Your raw honesty was on stunning display as you gave voice to the real fear that Loki's assertive actions had caused. "If I hadn't been so... unreasonable, if I had listened better, you wouldn't have wanted to run. That... poor excuse for a man would have never laid eyes on you! It's all my fault."

"No, it's mine, Loki."

Shaking his head in regret, "Hardly, darling."

"Loki. I shouldn't have bolted like a frightened horse. I could have explained to you. I could have just danced with you..."

"Maybe, but I shouldn't have dragged you out there..."

"True, you probably shouldn't have. But you were so excited. And... I... I let you down."

"Let me down? Not possible. You are..." Sighing, Loki pushed a lock of your hair behind your ear, "you are more than a man like me deserves."

Your rich red laugh bubbling out of you, "Oh? Maybe I'm exactly what a mischievous man like you deserves. But I should've watched where I was going..." Your little hands were smoothing over the lapels of Loki's jacket as you slid closer to his tall frame.

Head falling forward, dark hair tumbling in a raven curtain, "I should've punched him sooner."

Pulling back from him just a bit, "Yea... why didn't you?"

"I didn't want to make a scene... a bigger one, anyway."

Resting your cheek over the center of his chest, murmuring, "Well, thank you. I'm glad you did it. It was heroic... and... also... kinda sexy."

"Kind of sexy, huh?" Lifting your chin, blazing blue eyes finding yours, Loki smirked.

"Yea... I never had anyone care enough to... ya know, protect me like that."

Tightening his hold on you, "Truthfully, he's lucky. I wanted to kill him. Those words, they are not remotely true, you know that, right?"

Gulping hard, a lump of emotion stuck in your throat, "Uh huh... I... Like I said, I'm glad you punched him. He deserved it."

Loki squeezed you hard, savoring the feel of you in his arms, relaxing into the scent of you. "I feel like I got this whole night wrong. Is... is there anyway I can make it up to you? Anything I can do to... you know, fix this?" Desperate and wanting, Loki was practically pleading for absolution, a corrective course of action.

"Walk me home?"

Why wait?  Read the next chapter here:  The Testing King Part 4

---

Tags: @archy3001 @iamverity @jamielea81 @jessiejunebug @brokenthelovely @nonsensicalobsessions @thefallenbibliophilequote @mizfit2 @alexakeyloveloki

[the-world-unseen]

the god @brynnmck​ tagged me in the “7 comfort movies” meme! let’s go!

When Harry Met Sally

My kings!!!! Every time I watch this movie I notice something new!! Just perfect in every way, incredible supporting cast, the ideal snarky romance. I read a great book, I’ll Have What She’s Having by Erin Carlson, about Nora Ephron’s three rom-coms, and Nora and Meg said that while they were making it, Rob and Billy thought it was Harry’s movie, but Nora and Meg knew it was Sally’s. King shit!!!

You’ve Got Mail

Speaking of the Nora romcom trilogy!!! In contrast to WHMS, I saw this for the first time in May 2016, but I’ve watched it.....one billion times since. I am a Joe Fox apologist. 

Dirty Dancing

Top to bottom a perfect film. It was on the other day and I was so well-fed. Possibly the movie I have seen the most amount of times. 

Princess Diaries 2: A Royal Engagement

Is the first one better? Objectively, yes. But I love the absolute chaos of this movie. The Raven-Julie Andrews song also slaps.

Love Actually

Good for the soul every season of the year, but twice as good at Christmas.

The Meddler

Some of us knew about Lorene Scafaria before Hustlers because of this amazing movie. Love and respect to the Meddler!

Empire Strikes Back

Han and Leia rewired my brain. I am like this because of them.

i feel like everyone i follow has already been tagged, but if not, consider this your invitation!

[irwintry]

BLURB!!!! Post-Babycakes!!!!! PLS

AOSDJF YUP DONE

-

“Candlelight monopoly. Very romantic.”

“Cakes, I’m not Nora Ephron,” he said, chuckling, “I don’t know all that romantic, movie shit. But, are ya okay? I can’t read your mind. What’s up?”

The winter of ‘94 had brought a Christmas nor’easter, a “pleasant” surprise to many New Yorkers through the lasting effects including loss of power and small amounts of flooding in the streets. Luckily, you and Calum had begun renting an apartment together at the beginning of last year, so while you were forced in the darkness of your humble abode, you at least had a friend to keep you company. Well, more than a friend. 

The eighteen candles you set up were all sorts of different scents, so the smell drifting through the tight living room was a little overwhelming. But it was no matter–– the smell was the least of your worries. You were nervous about something, and you knew exactly what. 

Calum hadn’t been alluding to anything involving the question; however, you could pick up the subtle changes in body language. He had been extra lovey yet nervous throughout the course of a few weeks, and although that was your only proof, you prided yourself in your strong intuition. Something was different, but you could recognize that it was a good different. Or maybe you were hypersensitive because marriage was all you could think about, especially after rewatching “Sleepless in Seattle” (he knew that was your favorite movie).

Truth be told, the movie surrounded a failing arrangement while the lead found herself falling for some guy she heard about on the radio, but it still had you thinking about marriage despite that. You had been with Calum for going on three years, and you were beyond ready to start talking about it. But was he?

“Baby, we’ve burned through three board games, and you’re not acting weirdly competitive,” Calum continued, his fingers tracing small circles on the back of your hand. “I know you’re thinkin’ about somethin’. C’mon, cakes.”

You shook your head and shrugged with a sigh as you set your head on his lap. You had managed to spread your entire body over the couch, only giving him a sliver of room for his nice butt to sit in. “’s nothin’,” you replied sleepily while letting your eyes rest. “’m jus’ tired.” 

Calum let out a small huff–– or maybe it was a laugh. Either way, he knew you were lying. “It’s never just nothin’ when you sound like Eeyore.”

You rolled over to face away from him and groaned. “Don’t you dare use Winne-the-Pooh against me. You know it’s my weakness. Did you also know that– “

“Your grandpa used t’be friends with Sterling Holloway?” Calum mumbled, a chuckle following. “Yes, I knew.”

You softly chuckled, too, but you didn’t know how to reply once you got lost in the comfort of his presence. You couldn’t imagine living the rest of your life any other way. The silence settled in for a moment, and you let yourself focus on the rain before your thoughts ate away at your brain. If you didn’t say something now, would he?

“Hey,” you whispered. 

Calum hummed. “Yeah?”

“Have you– have you ever thought about your future?” you questioned, turning back over so you could rest the back of your head on his thighs once more. He had already been peering down at you by the time you locked eyes. “Like, where d’you see yourself in five-ten years?”

A soft smile made its way to his lips, and you swore you could see the admiration flood into the wonderful deep hue of his irises. “Course,” he responded. “If you want me to be blunt, cakes, I see myself with you.”

You grinned, the sudden excitement washing over you and bubbling in your chest. “Really?” 

He nodded. His smile only grew as his eyes flickered elsewhere and then back down to you. “Be right back,” he said, his hands moving behind your head to lift it gently only to place it back where he had been sitting. He left the room a second later, and you sat up on his return. “I was gonna wait until after the holidays,” he mumbled. Meanwhile, he was fiddling with a small black box. 

Your shoulders tensed and your eyes watered. 

“But, um– “ Calum stood before you and sent you a shy wink before bending down on one knee. “I didn’t plan a speech or anythin’– “

“It’s okay, it’s okay,” you sputtered out. The tears were already rolling down your cheeks. 

“Jus’ love you so much, babycakes,” he continued. “So, so much. And, I wanna spend the rest of my life with ya. I can see us with a few kids, only if you want ‘em–– I know we’ve never discussed it. I can see us growin’ old together, all stinky and wrinkly. I love you so much. Will ya do me the honor of becoming my wife?”

You sniffed, nodding rapidly simply because the words were caught in your throat. If you did speak, you knew it would be quite pathetic. As he smiled, kissed you, and slid the ring on your finger, your mind kept on reeling. You were going to be his babycakes forever and ever. 

[nadja-antipaxos]

three - mirrorball

Previously - Two || Masterlist || Next - Four

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: swearing, drinking alcohol, mentions of divorce

Note: Please leave comments if you so desire. Chapter takes place after 2x05 but before 2x06

Word Count: 2,950

Priyala picks her girls up after school and brings them to Rushil’s house. The door opens and Hena towers over all of them. A smile grows on her stunningly sculpted face.

“Hi, girls! Hi, Priyala.” Even her voice is perfect with that posh London accent.

“Hi, Hena.” Priyala smiles and hears the girls murmur some greeting. Her athleisure wear clings to a long slender voluptuous body as she welcomes them inside.

The house is huge, immaculate, and beautiful.

“Do you want anything to drink?” She leads them into the sitting room where Rushil is typing away on his phone.

“I’m fine.” Priyala waves her hand.

“Hi, Daddy!” Diya rushes to him and he hops up from his seat to swoop her off the ground.

“Diya, my darling! How are you?”

“Good, Daddy. We made new friends.”

He throws her over his broad shoulder and looks at his ex-wife and eldest daughter. He’s a foot taller than Priyala, so she absolutely feels like a mouse in his home between him and Hena. She hopes the girls get his height. She went to school in England, met him, and stayed. It didn’t work out, but it gave her the girls and he is a great father.

“You did? At school?” He’s spinning Diya around on his back.

“No. At a coffee shop.” Diya giggles.

Rushil sets her down and gives Jaya a hug. She’s a little stiff.

“Tell me more about your new friends.”

“It’s Coach Beard and Coach Lasso from Richmond,” Jaya states plainly.

“W-What?” His dark eyes light up.

“Diya took too long to order, so Mummy bought their coffee.” Jaya continues.

“Coach Beard likes her books.” Diya smiles.

“Wow. That’s actually really cool.” Rushil chuckles.

“They, uh, invited us on Saturday to the game,” Priyala adds awkwardly nodding.

“Match.” Rushil and Diya correct her.

“Whatever.” Priyala rolls her eyes. She could give a shit.

“Take loads of pictures especially if you get to meet anyone and have lots of fun.” Rushil smiles.

Priyala goes home alone before Hena awkwardly tries to get her to stay for dinner. She appreciates the effort. She does. It doesn’t mean she wants to pretend to be a happy, blended family. Her daughters have stable adults in their lives who cherish them and that’s all she could ask for.

Her two-floor flat is much smaller than Rushil’s. Once they got divorced, they sold their home, split the profits, and she bought this one.  Maybe it was because he did the leaving, but Rushil’s always been a great co-parent. He wanted them to both live in London, so that the girls knew both parents weren’t far away. It has enough space for her and the girls with four bedrooms and 4 bathrooms. She has some leftover veggie stew she made and opens a bottle of wine. She looks at her phone and thinks about texting Ted. What would she say? He’s clearly being very kind by inviting them to the game. She suspects his real intention was to make Diya happy. He seems like a good guy like that and she hasn’t been shy about how much she loves Richmond. Priyala needs to find out how much the tickets are, so she can pay him back.  As if on cue, her phone goes off.

Ted Lasso (6:05 pm)

Hey.  Ted Lasso here.

Priyala Kumari (6:06 pm)

Hi Ted. Priyala here.

Ted Lasso (6:07 pm)

Hope you’re having yourself a fine evening.

Your tickets will be under Nora Ephron at the booth.

Priyala Kumari (6:07 pm)

LOL! You can use my name.

Ted Lasso (6:08 pm)

Wanted to save you from the papa-paparazzi.

Priyala Kumari (6:08 pm)

I’ll be okay. Thanks, Gaga.

Priyala chuckles and sets her phone down. What a strange funny man.  

Diya has all her Richmond gear on from her kit to her scarf to the hair ties holding up her pigtails. The hair ties were actually just the colors since the official merchandise did not sell them. Jaya wears the team colors like her mom but doesn’t care enough to wear anything regarding the team. She has her headphones and a young adult novel ready to go on her phone. They take a quick photo holding up peace signs since that’s Priyala’s go-to for selfies and she sends it off to Ted. They’re ushered up to the owner’s box to their surprise.  Priyala spies Keeley with a gorgeous blonde woman and an older stocky grey-haired gentleman with glasses.

“Priyala!” Keeley stands up and gives her a hug.  “Everyone, this is Priyala Kumari and her daughters.”

“Hi!” Priyala holds up a gloved hand. “This is Diya and this is Jaya. Ted invited us. I didn’t expect the seats to be—we can sit somewhere else.”

“Nonsense.” Rebecca waves her off. “I’m Rebecca Welton and I’m the bloody owner and I say you sit with us.”

“And I’m Leslie Higgins. Director of Football Operations.”

“Nice to meet you.” The girls chorus together.

“Are you excited?” Rebecca asks Diya.

“Yes! Especially since Ted—“ She looks at her mother.  “Coach Lasso said to expect some big changes.”

“Who is that?” Jaya asks.

“That’s Isaac McAdoo. He’s the captain.” Diya tells her.

“He’s gorgeous.” She watches Isaac running around giving out handshakes for the warmup.

“Jaya!” Priyala laughs.

“I think so too.” Keeley raises her eyebrows and Jaya smiles.

Leslie excuses himself to find his wife.

“Wait.” He stops and looks back. “Did you write Just a Kiss?”

“I did.” Priyala nods.

“My wife loves that book. She’s gonna be so excited to meet you.”

“I’m excited to meet her.” She smiles.

Leslie grins before continuing down the aisle. Rebecca leans over past Keeley.

“So, you’re a writer?”

“Yeah. Romantic comedies. One’s being made into a movie, so I’m trying screenwriting.”

“I’ll let you borrow mine. They’re so fuck—fricking good.” Keeley touches Rebecca’s arm. “Truly.”

“It’s okay if it’s not your thing.” Priyala feels a little intimidated by Rebecca.

“I’ll try anything once.” Rebecca shrugs with a slight smile.

“That’s brave.” Priyala chuckles.

“She’s always brave.” Keeley grins.

Their conversation gets interrupted by the crowd chanting Roy’s song. Priyala’s brow furrows.

“He’s here. He’s there. He’s every flipping where. Roy Kent!” Diya yells. She points and they see a black-suited Roy Kent moving across the pitch to Ted and the other coaches. Keeley swears under her breath.

“Is he here to coach?” Diya asks.

Jaya and Priyala look at each other, not knowing what’s happening. Priyala puts her hands up knowing she’ll never get it. It’s nice to see Roy and it’s the first time she’s allowed herself to look at Ted. All the coaches look a little tense. It makes her stomach jump a bit. She’s…nervous for him. Why is she nervous for him? He’s not playing.

The team seems energized with their new coach and they’re doing well. Higgins returns with his wife who is quite happy to meet Priyala and they watch the match. The ref cards Jamie for being offsides and Diya jumps to her feet.

“Are you blind, ref? You call that offsides!” She screams. “Get your bloody eyes checked!”

Keeley and Rebecca look at her mother.

“Don’t say bloody, Diya.”

“But did you—he wasn’t—ughhhh!” She stomps up and down.

“She’s very passionate.”

It’s tight, but Richmond wins the match. Keeley and Rebecca invite them back to the locker room. Keeley makes sure everyone is decent before letting the children in. Priyala walks in with the girls. Keeley looks back at Rebecca.

“Ted fancies her, yeah?”

“Not sure yet.”

Ted spots them right away and introduces them to the team. Diya looks at her sister before walking over to Jamie. Her tiny foot kicks him in the shin without warning.

“Ow!” He clutches it.

“That’s for getting us relegated.” She makes a face and then runs to Roy who is laughing.

“That was brilliant, but what did I say about your anger?” He hunches down.

“Only use it on the field.” Diya rolls her eyes.

“Good girl.” He squeezes her shoulder.

“I’m really sorry.” Priyala sighs and looks at Jamie.

“Don’t be. Got us talkin’, yeah?” He looks her up and down.

“Ooh, you are trouble aren’t you? Just a walking bad decision.” Priyala laughs.

“Wanna find out?” He winks.

“You’re a mistake I would’ve made in my 20s.” She shakes her head.

“And you’re what? 30 now?” He arches an eyebrow that has a racer stripe running through it.

“You’re good.” Priyala points at him.

Diya sees her mom laughing with Jamie and growls. She’s ready to attack him again, so Roy steers her over to Sam who is her favorite.

“You were brilliant!” She tells him.

“Thank you. You said your name is Diya, yes?”

“Yes.”

“Let’s get a picture for Diya, everyone.” He yells.

Jaya joins in for this and stands next to Isaac. He looks down at her and she gives him a flirty, silent nod. He furrows his brow before looking at the camera.  They take a few pictures and the girls are satisfied.

Ted finally makes his way over to Priyala.

“Thanks for the pic. Glad you made it.” He smiles. “What’d you think?”

“Sports…are not my thing, but this was fun. Rebecca’s awesome.”

“She is, isn’t she? Real hashtag girl boss.”

“Yeah, and her whole look is hashtag goals.”

“Ain’t that the truthski, Belushi."

“Jim or John?”

“No offense to Jim, but always John.”

“Good…you passed.” She opens her purse. “How much were the tickets?”

Ted waves his hand wildly. “No, it was a gift.”

“Are you sure? Please let me at least get you a friendly congratulations dinner.”

“I won’t say no to free food.”

“Great. Um. I gotta take the girls to their dad’s, but I could meet you there?”

“Crown and Anchor? In an hour?”

“Sure.”

Priyala opens the invitation to the other coaches, but they have plans. The girls say goodbye and she drops them at Rushil’s. She meets Ted at the bar and they walk in.

“Congrats, wanker!”

“Finally got it right, wanker!”

“Could’ve hired Kent sooner, wanker!” Patrons yell at Ted when they walk in.

His ears turn pink.

“Fellas, please don’t embarrass me in front of my friend. Just for—-”

Priyala steps in front of him despite the fact he’s almost a foot taller than her (9 inches to be exact).

“He’s a wanker? Suck my dick.”

“He—“

“Call him a wanker again. I dare you.”

The men shrink back and focus on their beers. Ted raises his eyebrows, impressed.

“You gonna fight all of London?”

“Fuck yeah I will.”

“I can’t complain, GI Jane.”

They find a table and Mae walks over. She greets Priyala with a smile.

“Got yourself a keeper, Ted.”

“Oh, we’re just friends, Mae. This is Priyala Kumari.”

“I know who she is. Nice to meet you, dear.”

“Nice to meet you.” She smiles back.

They order and the pints come in glasses which Priyala makes note of.

“There’s not a good way to drink beer in a bottle cause you just look like you’re deep throating it.”

Ted nearly chokes.

“I do believe your mouth rivals Roy Kent’s.”

“When Diya joined his soccer—football team, I had no idea who he was.”

“And look at ya now eating dinner with a soccer—football coach—manager.”

“You’re called a manager?”

“Yes.”

“So if I wanna speak with the manager…”

“That’s me.”

“That’s you.”

They both chuckle while she picks at her fish and chips. She offers a few to him and he shakes his head.

“You’re from Kansas, so how did you end up here?”

“My wife—Henry’s mom wanted some space so I took it.   We’d been together for a long time and I couldn’t see it. Helped me figure out it wasn’t making her happy.”

“Hence the ex.”

“Yeah. I try not to use that since it just sounds so negative. And I’m not upset with her.”

“Lucky you. I mean, I’m not upset anymore, but two years ago—different story. Rushil and I were together since college. Then he didn’t wanna be married anymore. I was shocked then six months later he gets remarried to this tall, stunning woman. My absolute opposite. He just didn’t wanna be married to me.”

“I’m real sorry.”

“It’s okay. Divorce just fucking sucks. Especially when you have kids.”

“Yeah. It ain’t easy.”

“Have you or your—Henry’s mom started dating?”

“Michelle. I don’t know about her. I’m just not interested at the moment.”

“Well, sharing your child with someone who did not help create them is a nightmare at first. Because who is this person? Why are they involved? Do my kids like her more. Not that…Hena is super sweet and it worked out. It just takes a lot to get used to…but it worked out.”

“I honestly can say I’m not ready for that.”

“You have my number if you need anything.”

“Thank you. I appreciate you saying that.”

Ted grabs some chips off her plate and she sneaks a grin. She expected things to be awkward, but it’s very familiar and easy. Maybe because he’s so authentic she can’t help it but be herself around him. No fronts. No pretenses. He really did just want to have dinner with his new friend.

“Okay. Enough bummer conversation. What’s Henry look like? Does he have a placeholder mustache made from construction paper?”

Ted laughs loudly at the idea before pulling out his phone and showing her. Priyala raises her eyebrows with interest.

“Ohh, he looks like you. What’s with the ties?”

“We had a streak of tie games. Then we lost. And lost.”

“So he has your sense of humor. Cute.”

“Yeah. He’s the best part of my life.”

“It’s what you live for.” Priyala smiles again making Ted’s heart jump.

They don’t say anything else for a moment or two. She has a really nice smile and she’s easy to talk to. He realizes he doesn’t have any friends that are divorced with children. It feels good to be able to relate.

“How old is he? Eight? Nine?”

“Eight like Diya.”

“That age is good. Jaya is 11 and on that pre-teen rollercoaster. One minute she loves me the next she can’t stand me.”

“Oof. Sounds rough.”

“Just wait.”

He leans forward and she instinctively does the same.

“If ya don’t mind me asking, how do you write such great romance even after all that?”

“Oh, easy. That’s fantasy.”

“You don’t believe in true love?” Ted’s a little shocked. It’s like hearing Michael Jordan prefers chess to hoops.

“I wish I did but it’s a lot easier when real life doesn’t get in the way. I get to make up what happens.”

“You’re in control, Billy Joel.”

She laughs and nods.

“Does Henry rhyme too?”

“He does.”

“Good. I like that Lasso trait.”

Ted smiles when she looks down at her food. She’s a real nice person.

Ted finishes his beer and Priyala takes a little longer since she’s more focused on the chips.

“Keeley told me about your new sponsor. The 1940s dating app.”

“Bantr? I haven’t tried it but it’s an interesting concept.”

“She told me to join it before I left. She’s good at her job.”

They both look down and stay silent.

“We could both try it.” He tilts his head.

“Both jump like Thelma and Louise? Or Butch and Sundance?” She laughs.

“I was hoping it’d be less tragic.”

“Sorry, I guess I’m more of a realist.”

Even though she offered, Ted fights her for the check. She wins with a stern look. He walks her back to her car.

“Could ya shoot me a text sayin’ you got home all right?” He feels his neck burn as he says it.

“You’re such a dad.” Priyala chuckles. “But yeah. I can do that.”

They both stare at each other for what feels like forever but is only a few seconds. She goes in for a polite hug and he meets her in the middle.

“Thank you. This was fun.” She pulls back.

“Yeah, it was.” He nods. He’s so glad she got him coffee that day because now he has a new friend. He doesn’t know it, but she’s thanking Diya for her indecisiveness for once. This wouldn’t have happened otherwise.

After letting him know that she’s home, Priyala does a little bit of writing for the screenplay. It’s still taking a while to get used to the format, but thankfully, she wrote the source material. She never thought her books would ever be made into movies.

Ted watches some television and flips around. It’s been a busy day and he’s exhausted. He gets ready for bed while miles away Priyala brushes her teeth. They both stare at their phones, deep in thought before just going for it and downloading bantr. If it doesn’t work, it’s easy to delete. It doesn’t take her long to come up with a username that she knows no one will get. It takes Ted a little longer because he desperately wants to use barbecue in there, but decides against it. They both set a decent radius because they’re not going to travel too far with how busy their lives are. Priyala accepts the matches it generates. She doesn’t think much will happen with HottieWithaBody69 or FitandFlirty32 and goes to sleep. Ted’s a little pickier and smiles at the suggestion of ABouquet_of_Sharpened_Pencils. He hopes it’s a You’ve Got Mail reference. Might as well test it. Just one brief message and he’s going to bed.

SirBakesaLot

Dear friend…

[spaceorphan18]

Prompt: Kurt was out with Santana and they got a little drunk and a little... confrontational in a bar. Blaine is called in to collect his husband.

I decided to go a slightly different way, hope that’s okay…

//

9:02pm: Alright, listen Anderson, I’m stealing your husband for the evening.  If he and Berry think they can really challenge me to a drink off, well then the time has come.  Enjoy your free evening because it is on. 

9:26pm: Okay, he’s sipping on wine and I’ve already kicked back three Jägerbombs.  Enough of this pansy stuff.  I know you know what really gets him off. 

9:27pm: I meant drunk you pervert.  What gets him drunk.  I swear to god, Anderson, please make this evening more interesting.  I will pay you, and keep you updated…  

9:42pm: I don’t know why anyone would willingly drink limoncello but apparently that seems to be working.  He’s beginning to slur his words a little.  And laugh.  A lot.  It’s kinda creepy.  Does he always do this? Berry is making stupid drunk faces and all he is doing is laughing.  It’s not even that funny.  I need more to drink. 

10:13pm:  Apparently after laughing comes singing??  Your husband is at the bar singing Cabaret to the bartender.  Oh - and now he’s on the bar.  You taught him this, didn’t you?

10:16pm: And now he’s singing Beyonce.  I think I need to get this on tape later for blackmail.  

10:17pm: Damn, Anderson, your husband may only know three dance moves, but god can he move those hips. 

10:18pm: NOPE! Stop! I swear to god, if you ever text me something like that again…. 

10:25pm: Aaaaannnd by suggestion, and that would be my suggestion, he is now singing ‘I’m too Sexy’.  Well.  I guess he knows four dance moves.  And, oh, there goes the shirt.  Yay!  **clappy hands**

10:34pm: Alright, things have settled down now.  You’re lucky, Blaine, your hubby had to beat off three guys and a woman after that little showcase.  He has, however, secured more drinks.  I’ll have to admit, I’ve never gotten this far, usually this is this the part where you take babyface gay home for the night.  I’m curious as to what happens next. 

10:47pm: Oh this is good.

10:49pm: Delightful even.

10:51pm: That’s right - I want all the secrets now… 

10:54pm: Things I have learned in the last twenty minutes… Berry has four tattoos.  And hubby didn’t know that and, like, screamed his head off for about five minutes.  Seriously, though, that secret is so lame.  In fact, all of Berry’s secrets are lame.  She once stole gold star stickers from Walmart.  Wow, she’s so wild! 

10:55pm: Hubby, however, sure has some interesting things though…  Kurt, however, has a rainbow colored dildo?  And the two of you like to roleplay - why doesn’t that surprise me.  Let’s see - oh, but my favorite is that he is open to a threesome, and you’ve suggested you want to try with a woman.  Just to see??? 

10:56pm: C’mon, Anderson.  You know my wife has wanted to try with you guys forever.  I wonder how drunk I can get Kurt so he’ll agree…  You know you want to know… 

10:59pm: Oh, and apparently you have birthmark shaped like Italy on your ass.  **crying emoji** You literally have a boot on your booty.  Can you send me a pic of that? Does Kurt have a pic of that on his phone?  I need to see that…. 

11:06pm: So, hubby apparently has a problem.  I have stolen his phone and I see no butt photos.  He likes ass right? I’m incredibly disappointed.  He also has way too many photos of dogs in hats.  And old people.  Why doe she have so many pictures of old people on his phone? They’re not even interesting photos of old people.  They’re just old.  

11:07pm: Okay, so I changed hubby’s facebook status to: If my husband was an ice cream flavor, I’d be a diabetic.  

11:08pm: Yes, I crack myself up. 

11:21pm: Apparently, secret time was over and we had to sing more.  Maybe singing isn’t so bad.  I don’t know.  However - enjoy my video of the three of us singing Toto’s Africa with some bald guy who decided to play the bongos.  I think we should go on tour. 

11:32pm: Aannnnd, we’ve hit the rage place.  I mean, I know I get hysterical over the dumbest things.  But seriously? Who gets mad because Nicole Kidman wore eggyoke yellow on the red carpet? YOUR WEIRD ASS HUSBAND! 

11:34pm: Who gets the Oscar for most melodramatic telling of a lameass story about how the cheesecake was ten minutes late? I swear, he’s giving Meryl Streep a run for her money.  I’m pretty sure I can get ole Meryl so she can play him in the biopic.  

11:35pm: Do you think your hot brother should play you?

11:36pm: Okay, it’s settled, hubby agrees, your hot brother and Meryl Streep are playing you guys in the movie!  

11:41pm: Baby gayface and hagberry are writing the worst movie now - it’s like if Nicholas Sparks and Nora Ephron got together and vomited up the world’s lamest movie.  At least have some explosions in there somewhere among all the lameass musical numbers.  God, this is the worst. 

12:01am:  Shit.  

12:02am: Shit shit shit shit shit.  

12:03: this is the fucking worst.

12:04: Do you know what happened to your favorite mug? the one with the stupid joke about holding you because youre a fermata? Weeeeellll kurt broke the damn mug and he’s spent the last twenty minutes sobbing about how he cant get it glued back together and its going to be broken forever and what if thats a metaphor for something in your relationship even though your relationship has been roses and daisies and gay rainbow unicorns for years and he cant find a new mug and he doesnt want to tell you but now he doesnt have to because i have and this IS THE WORST BLAINE DRUNK KURT IS NO LONGER FUN HOW MUCH LONGER DO I HAVE TO ENDURE THE CRYING????!!!!

12:12am: I thought the mug story was bad.  and now hubby is crying about how beautiful you are and your love is like this epic love story and remember the time you guys met on the stairs.  REMEMBER THE FUCKING STAIRS BLAINE BECAUSE KURT SURE DOES HE WONT SHUT UP ABOUT THE FUCKING STAIRS AND HE WONT STOP CRYING AND I TAKE IT BACK ID RATHER TALK ABOUT BROKEN MUGS I CANT HANDLE THIS EPIC LOVE STORY SHIT

12:18am: And now hes sobbing his way through some god awful whitney houston song.  you win - please come get him.  please PLEASE!!! 

12:24am: BLAINE WHERE ARE YOU - YOU SHORT LITTLE BOWTIE WEARING KINKY ASS FREAK GET OVER HERE AND PRY YOUR HUSBAND OFF MY SHOULDER

12:26am: oh and when you get here - will you sing to me your special version of i’m a little teapot? ;) 

1:06am: Thanks for letting me borrow your husband for the night, Anderson.  Next time it’s your turn. ;) ;)

[thingsreadinthedark]

Things read today:

… In the order I read them.

Re: Coventry — I read a few essays by Rachel Cusk today and I have to say that I love her writing style. After reading Second Place a few months ago I’ve really been enamoured with her imagery. // The first essay I read was about driving on like back country roads. The difference of how people act in their car versus when they’re outside of the car and just the varying ways that people experiencing moving through the country, especially folks with kids. It was an interesting perspective. However, it’s the second essay that got me. Apparently, she named this book Coventry based on the ways that she feels exiled by her parents when they’re going through some shit. Like her parents will stop talking to her over nonsense, it’s happened since she was a child. She refers to this phenomenon as being sent off to “Coventry”. Very interesting.. it’s wild because she also discusses silence, the silence between loved ones, families and what it feels like to sit in silence with someone. How when we’re out and see partners or families sitting in silence in restaurants we look at them suspiciously. But it’s a specific type of intimacy that’s hard to come by. Especially seeing how people can’t sit in silence with their fucking selves. LOL!

I didn’t get far in High Rise Stories, I was drawn to the cover because I loved Matthew Desmond’s Evicted - of which my work bought me a copy. I figured this book would be a lot like that one. Seeing as how the state of rental housing in big cities is of importance to me — I thought I’d pick this up only got to the introduction tho. It feels promising.

Read an Essay in Far & Away and I love this book. Andrew Solomon is exploring Russia and its developments from 1993 onwards. I love that the discussion goes into the ways that the mafia has shaped the circumstances that we are seeing play out on an international stage. Biggest mafia run country in the world.

Noraaaaa — I always find Nora Ephron incredibly engaging. The way that she writes is kind of funny, pulls little punches and is and tongue & cheek. She also writes with an IDGAF attitude that I suspect some white women have had past down to them specifically from their fathers. I can’t explain it, if you read it tho you’ll know what I mean. I respect and hate it in a way, but not enough to stop reading it. The essay that I read is about how much chefs started fucking around and hating on each other around the publication of cookbooks. Mildly interesting.

Jumped back into Recollections of My Non-Existence by Rebecca Solnit. I love this book, but I did feel like while reading it that I needed a break from it from time tot time. Even tho Rebecca Solnit is a genius. I read her writing about how writers like Kerouac in her time erased women and how men of her era seen themselves and wanted be like these men creating smoky spaces where women were seldom permitted entry. Places where intense conversation and entertainment was one-sided, and how few people of the day saw issue with this.

For the next hour before I start getting ready for bed might continue with some more Solnit, she’s very much the winner of my attention tonight.

National Book Lover’s Day took a turn for the better from how scattered I felt earlier today.

[heavymachineindustry92]

A Conversation With Chuck Palahniuk, the Author of Fight Club and the Man Behind Tyler Durden

It’s been more than 20 years since Chuck Palahniuk first unleashed Fight Club on the world and simultaneously inspired legions of impressionable young men and appalled their parents. But the themes Palahniuk explored in that book — the emasculation of late-capitalism and the creeping sense of worthlessness and dread that accompanies it — seems more relevant now than it did even back then. Modern men find themselves in a precarious position, where masculinity itself is being (justifiably) re-evaluated, and in some cases, derided as the source of all society’s ills. And many of them are facing the troubling realization that they will never be as successful as their parents.In response, a substantial number of them have dug in to oppose that evolution — men who seem to worship at the altar of tyler durden, the Fight Club character who was a paragon of unfettered, unapologetic machismo. If Durden were alive today, he wouldn’t inspire Project Mayhem — he’d be wearing a MAGA hat, leading a group of disaffected young men through the streets with pitchforks and staging #GamerGate-esque online harassment campaigns. And so, Fight Club seems to be a rallying cry for their anger.MEL recently spoke with Palahniuk about the book’s influence on the toxic ideologies that have taken hold in our culture today; why he thinks another kind of toxic ideology — toxic masculinity — doesn’t exist; the meaning of Harvey Weinstein, Joseph Campbell and John Lennon’s assassination; and how he coined the derogatory term “snowflake.”A lot of the things you wrote about in Fight Club and revisit in Fight Club 2 seem even more pertinent today than when you originally wrote them more than 20 years ago. Specifically, the disillusionment of men who haven’t radicalized but have adopted radical ideologies and the infantilization of the modern workplace. You were able to see the seeds of what has now grown into these very toxic elements in our culture.In Slaughterhouse-Five, there’s a comment about how many people are being born every day. Someone else responds by saying, “And I suppose they’re all going to want dignity and respect.” This dovetails into a grueling dread that I felt as a younger person — that status and recognition would always be beyond my reach. I think subsequent generations, larger generations, are coming up against that same realization: That despite their expectations, they might never receive any kind of status. And they’re willing to do whatever it takes at this point to make their mark in the world.It seems like a lot of these movements, though, have seized on the ideas expressed in Fight Club. They’ve co-opted these things that you wrote about and made it a part of their own ideologies. Do you feel any regrets or resentment about this? Or better put, how does it make you feel when you see men’s rights activists on Reddit quoting your work to rationalize the terrible shit they say online?I feel a little frustrated that our culture hasn’t given these men a wider selection of narratives to choose from. Really, the only narratives they go to are The Matrix and Fight Club.Yes, they get red pilled and then they look at tyler durden as the platonic ideal. Exactly. Almost all the narratives being sold in our culture take place in this established, very static sense of reality. We have very few narratives that question reality and give people a way to step outside of it and establish something new. So far, the only two things are The Matrix and Fight Club. I feel bad that people have such slim pickings to choose from.But it almost sounds like you have a certain level of sympathy for these guys as well.I have sympathy in that I was young a long time ago. And I know the terror of worrying that my life wasn’t going to amount to anything — that I wouldn’t be able to establish a home or create a career for myself. I can totally empathize with that panicked place young people are in.What are your politics?My politics are about empowering the individual and allowing the individual to make what they see as the best choice. That’s all Fight Club was about. It was a lot of psychodrama and gestalt exercises that would empower each person. Then, ideally, each person would leave Fight Club and go on to live whatever their dream was — that they would have a sense of potential and ability they could carry into whatever it was they wanted to achieve in the world. It wasn’t about perpetuating Fight Club itself. Have people come to you and said, “Fight Club helped me realize my potential”?In a lot of different ways. Many people decided to, as a permission through nihilism, to go ahead and do the thing that they’ve dreamt of doing. And a lot of fathers and sons were able to connect to this story and express their frustration about what little parenting they themselves got from their fathers. A lot of people think of you as a nihilist. Do you bristle at that label?You know, I am kind of a nihilist, but I’m not a depressive nihilist. I’m a nihilist who says that if nothing inherently means anything, we have the choice to do whatever it is we dream of doing. You’ve been known to go after some of your critics throughout your career. Is that something you wish you hadn’t done in retrospect?I willingly did it twice. And they were both instances very early in my career. I’ve never done it otherwise, so I can forgive myself for maybe taking actions I shouldn’t have taken. But what the hell? I had to learn.This was before social media had taken off, too, and everyone was a critic. What is it like now when everyone can either directly give you praise or tell you what a terrible writer you are and how you should go die in a fire?You have to completely ignore it. Because if it’s all praise, it just gets you high and that’s not healthy. And if it’s all criticism, it just gets you depressed and that’s not healthy. So I ignore it as much as I possibly can. And the people who bring me the news, I know those people aren’t my friends. It’s like Nora Ephron, one of my favorite writers, once wrote: It takes two people to hurt you — one person to actually say or do the thing, and a second person to tell you that this thing has been done against you.Both Fight Club and Choke have been made into movies. Did you take any issue with the film versions?No. You know, there is no point. The book will always be there. The film needs to be its own thing; it’s a different medium. It needs to express itself through different aspects of this story. So you can’t expect the film to be completely the book.But with Fight Club specifically, there were so many people who got rich and famous and whose entire careers were changed by that movie. I mean, David Fincher became one of the biggest directors in Hollywood afterwards. Is there any type of resentment that people are dining out on this thing that you created and that maybe your role in it has been lost somewhat?Not in the slightest. Because when that movie came out, it was an enormous failure. It was a failure in a way that Blade Runner was initially a failure. It was out of release within maybe two weeks and considered a massive massive tank. Pretty much everyone associated with the movie lost their jobs. It took a year or two of putting together the meticulous DVD to dig that movie back into profitability. Earlier, you mentioned the terror you experienced as a young man about maybe never being successful. But now that you are successful — and I imagine successful beyond your wildest dreams — are you fulfilled? Or do you have the same sense of dread?I’m very fulfilled. Because I get to work with many gifted creative and passionate people. That’s great because we all want to live our lives in the company of other people who love what they’re doing. There’s no better life than that. On the other hand, I’ve started to teach because I do want to be back in touch with what it was like to be that kid who couldn’t write a great story. I want to be able to be with those people until they break through and can write something fantastic. I ask because in Fight Club 2, we find that the narrator has successfully put his tyler durden alter ego to the side. He got married and had a kid and is living the American dream in his house in suburbia. But he’s deeply unfulfilled. He worries his wife doesn’t love him, and he’s worried his kid doesn’t respect him. So tyler durden starts popping back up. To me, that seemed to express that there’s a certain hollowness or lack of fulfillment in achieving what you want.It’s funny, it isn’t the process of getting stuff, it’s the stuff itself that becomes the anchor. It’s buy the house, buy the car and then what? It’s that isolated stasis that’s the unfulfilling part you ultimately have to destroy. That’s the American pattern — you achieve a success that allows you isolation. Then you do something subconsciously to destroy the circumstance because you can come down into community after that. Maybe you’ve got this great career where you can do whatever you want, but on the side, you’re sexually harassing and assaulting women. You’re doing something that’s going to force you out of the isolation of success. It’s going to push you back into the community with other people. We like to move between isolation and community and back to isolation again. Are you referencing Harvey Weinstein specifically?Well, whether it’s Weinstein or successful people who abuse drugs or have affairs like Tiger Woods, people always create the circumstances along the way that will destroy the pedestal that they’ve found themselves on. Then they can come back to earth and just be a person among people. Lance Armstrong is another good example.So more of a self-destructive impulse. But is there any way to keep those two things in balance? Can those two things co-exist as a part of a man’s personality? Or are they irreconcilable?Can you build a house on a plot of land without tearing down the house that’s already there? I think it’s inaccurate to call it self-destructive. In a way, it’s a different form of self-improvement or a different form of creativity. That act of demolition in order to replace the thing with a more profound and better thing.In the book, you also seem to portray suburbia as an affront to masculinity and manhood itself. Do you personally feel that way? I know you’re an outdoorsman and live in a rural area. Is that something that you seek out to maintain your edge?That’s a tough one. Because I’m not so much talking about suburbia as I am talking about this self-isolation that goes back to the whole snowflake metaphor where we’re taught that we’re special and hyper-individualized by being told that we’re unique and innately a treasure. It’s that idea of ourselves as different that drives us apart from one another. It was only once I realized, No, actually, all of us have far more in common than we have differences, and I’m not a snowflake, that I recognized myself in other people. That’s when I started to write about myself as part of a larger pattern of a larger experience. “Snowflake” is an interesting word. It’s what tyler durden uses to tell men that they’re not unique or special. But now it’s been coopted by the alt-right as their favorite epithet of liberals and people who have no toughness. Which gets back to what we were talking about before…You know, you want people to adopt the thing. You want to put the book in the movie producer’s hand and have them adopt it like a baby, raise it and put a huge amount of energy into it. In doing so, the movie producer is going to change it so that it reflects the movie producer’s experience. And once that material passes on to an audience, the audience adopts it. It will become the child of the audience and will serve whatever purpose the audience has for it. It would be insane to think that the author could control every iteration or every interpretation of their work.So you just feel like an innocent bystander to how it’s being used? You don’t feel any type of feeling either way — good or bad?No, I do not. You know, it’s like J. D. Salinger, Catcher in the Rye and the death of John Lennon. I don’t think Salinger felt huge remorse that he’d written a fantastic book, and this book was interpreted by a damaged person. Nor do I think it was Salinger’s fault.There’s one passage in Fight Club 2 that I found particularly interesting. You write, “Throughout childhood, people tell you to be less sensitive. Adulthood begins the moment someone tells you that you need to be more sensitive.” Is that something that you’ve specifically had to work on as you’ve grown older?Oh, hell yeah. It’s one of those little truisms. You have so many people telling you, “Don’t be so sensitive.” Then, suddenly one day, it turns around.You seem very soft and gentle over the phone, I’m surprised that the man who wrote Fight Club seems so tender in his voice. I’m a much older man now too. Fight Club was 20 years ago for me. It seems like you’re saying that you’ve released a lot of the rage you had as a young man.I was going through a huge disillusionment. I’d been a really good student. I kept my nose clean. I followed this blueprint society had presented to me that said that if I did all these things — get my degree, pay back my student loans and work very hard — eventually I’d achieve some sort of satisfying success. But it just wasn’t working. Around the age of 30, all of that good boy stuff starts to fall apart. You have to make a choice as to whether you’re going to continue along that road, or whether you’re going to veer off that road and find ways to succeed you weren’t taught. That’s where I was. I was really disillusioned that I’d been given the same roadmap everyone else was given, but that none of us were finding it effective. We hear the term “toxic masculinity” a lot these days. As someone who writes a lot about manhood, what does it mean to you?Oh boy, I’m not sure if I really believe in it.Why?It seems like a label put on a certain type of behavior from the outside. It’s just such a vague term that it’s hard to address.Let me take the opposite approach then: Who would be the male role model in today’s culture? Is there somebody who young men have to look up to as the ideal man and is someone who I should aspire to be like?Joseph Campbell said that beyond a person’s biological father, people needed a secondary father — especially men. Typically that was a teacher, coach, military officer or priest. But it would be someone who isn’t the biological father but would take the adolescent and coach him into manhood from that point. The problem is that so many of these secondary fathers are being brought down in recent history. Sports coaches have become stigmatized. Priests have become pariahs. For whatever reason, men are leaving teaching. And so, many of these secondary fathers are disappearing altogether. When that happens, what are we left with? Are these children or young men ever going to grow up?Is that what you fear — that we’re going to have a generation of young men who have never been fully socialized? Who have never been fully taught, not just how to be men, but how to be fully realized people?I’m not afraid that it won’t happen, because it’s gonna happen. One of the things that I loved about Campbell is that he explained gangs by saying this is what happens when there’s no secondary father. These gangs are taking young men and giving them impossible tasks, giving them praise and rewards and coaching them to an adulthood. But it’s a negative adulthood. And so, as these secondary fathers disappear for everyone, there will be similar forms that will appear and fulfill that function. But they will coach these young men to maybe more negative manhoods. Yet it also seems like there’s a lack of universally accepted male role models at the national level. There’s no Frank Sinatra or Hugh Hefner anymore — no one who, for better or worse, everyone looks up to. Do you think I’m wrong in that assessment?I think you’re wrong in that these were maybe not the healthiest male role models to model yourself after. I prefer to think of someone like John Glenn.Okay, I’ll buy that. Is there a modern-day John Glenn?Maybe not on the big, big level that everyone can emulate. But I think that on a more local level, there are teachers who mentor students. The man who taught me minimalist writing, Tom Spanbauer, was very much the master of this workshop of students. And among his apprentices — the people who could produce work that was marketable — bought their way out of his workshop. They achieved a mastery of their own. I’d like to see more of that happening. Instead of people just being given grades and being given loans to repay. I’d like to see them actually demonstrate a mastery in something useful in this kind of apprentice/mentor student role.You’ve experienced a lot of death in your life and even volunteered at a hospice for a time. Why were you drawn to something so morbid?It panicked me as a young person to first get a sense of my mortality — that at some point, I was going to be called upon to die. Because I had no idea what it was like to die. By working at a hospice, I was able to see what the process was like — that some people die beautifully and some people die horribly, but that if they could do it, I could do it, too. It gave me a greater sense of ease around the inevitability of dying. Later in life, your father was murdered by the ex-husband of his new girlfriend. When something that terrible and seemingly random happens, how do you try to make sense of it?By using my journalism degree. By going to the trials and talking about all the details. By understanding moment by moment everything that took place. And by establishing a sense of, not quite control, but a sense of having mastered the narrative of what led to what.On another strange and inevitable level, my father had almost been killed as a child. His father had become very upset and killed his mother and himself. But he also tried to kill my father. He just gave up searching for him before he committed suicide. When my father was finally killed by this woman’s ex-husband all these years later, a mattress fell on top of his body as the building he was in burned. The mattress is what preserved his body well enough that they could identify him as my father. Crazy enough, the reason my father survived as a child when his father went insane was that he had hidden underneath a mattress.There were so many coincidences like that. So in a way, my father’s death seemed like this perfect circle back to this past event actually coming to fruition. There were just too many odd coincidences to completely ignore them all.And yet, despite all these coincidences, you still identify as a nihilist? Something like that is uncanny. It almost seems otherworldly that there would be that many parallels.There’s a choice — you can either identify as a nihilist, or you can try to impose your own belief system on something you don’t understand. The latter option says more about controlling other people, and I prefer not to do that. I’d rather work from a position of nihilism, because I think that’s the best base for creativity and play.Still, you needed to process your father’s murder as a story and have some control of it in order to get past it.I treat storytelling as a digestive function. You ruminate like a chewing animal. And you chew a story over and over again until it has absolutely no emotional reaction, and you’ve resolved your emotional reaction to it. First by distancing it as a craft exercise — by turning it into a story — that’s one step. But the big step is to tell that story over and over again until you’ve completely assimilated the event into your identity, and you’ve exhausted your emotional reaction. You are no longer used by the story; you’re using the story at that point.You also supported your father’s killer being sentenced to death, a sentence that ended up getting commuted. I can’t imagine you arrived at that conclusion lightly. Some of the officials showed me documents from this man’s lifetime of incarceration. It was unethical, maybe even illegal, but there were a long string of things that he’d been convicted of doing since childhood. This man had created so much pain and had destroyed so many people’s lives that it just seemed like the cleanest way of resolving his life. What was the most important thing that your dad taught you?When I was little, we lived out in the country and had this chopping block where we killed chickens. My father had told me not to put metal washers over my fingers and get them stuck. But I did it anyway. The washer got stuck, and my finger turned black. I went to my father, and he said, “We’re going to have to cut this off.” It was completely clear to me that it was my fault, that there was a price to pay and that my father was doing me a favor by washing my finger and putting rubbing alcohol on the axe so it would be sterile.When we got to the chopping block, my father had me kneel down and put my finger on it. Then, he swung the axe and missed by an inch. Afterward, he took me inside and took the washer off with soap and water. But in that moment, I was very clear — and I’ve been very clear since — that if things are going to happen in my life, I’m gonna have to make them happen — and if they don’t happen, I’m going to have to take responsibility. That’s one parenting technique…He was like a 22-year-old guy. So I don’t want to be too hard on him.That’s very gracious of you. Nowadays, someone would call DCFS if something like that happened.Again, he was a 22-year-old guy whose father had killed himself and his mother in a murder suicide. He’d been beaten as a child and had grown up to the best of his abilities. He had no parenting skills. I think he did a marvelous job when you consider his circumstances.Aside from your father’s murder, the other big element of your personal life that’s become public is your sexuality. You didn’t, however, come out until 2003. And, in fact, even gave the impression that you were married to a woman. Why?Because of my partner. He doesn’t want to be a public person. And the next question they ask you after coming out is, “Who are you with?” So I chose not to go down that road. For the same reasons so many celebrities will refuse to talk about their children — they don’t want to make their children into public figures.If you were to start your career today, would you be more willing to come out? I imagine it would be much easier now socially speaking.I’d probably do it exactly the opposite way. I’d say no picture on the book. I’d use a pseudonym like the author of The Hunger Games. I’d refuse to do any kind of public relations. I’d keep myself entirely out of the process. Why?Because I’d like the work to stand on its own and to be judged on its own. I’ve become exhausted with the constant explanation of the work, which I don’t think is necessary. Too much of the presence of the author can get between the reader and the story. Afterwards, the reader will no longer see themselves in the story; they will see too much of the author.That’s interesting because there’s a certain kind of bro-y, straight white guy who really loves the Fight Club movie — and the book if they happen to read it. I imagine that they’re a little surprised when they find out the author is gay. Would you consider that accurate?They are, and they aren’t. I don’t think it’s a big deal. I also wrote Invisible Monsters, which gay guys love as well as straight women because it’s all about that panicky feeling that this beautiful thing isn’t going to be beautiful forever and that you’ve got to transition that beauty into a different, more lasting form of power. That’s something so many beautiful women face and why people really attach to Invisible Monsters. And so, I think that by the time that book came out, I had such a variety of books in the world that the particulars about me were less important.You’re really downplaying your own role in this. You don’t take pride in the fact that people really resonate with your work and want to discuss it with you?That’s because my degree is in journalism. My job is to listen to people at parties and to identify their stories and to find a commonality in the pattern between them. Because when someone tells an anecdote that goes over well, it evokes other people to tell almost identical anecdotes from their own life. Then you choose the very best of these to demonstrate a very human dynamic. In a way, what I do isn’t so much invent things as it is identifying them. Later, I just put them together in a report that looks like a novel.You think of your fiction as reporting?It is. I have so little imagination. But I have so much admiration when I hear a great story from someone — the journalist in me wants to preserve it, archive it and honor it in some way.Not long ago, we were talking about male role models, but it just dawned on me that I never asked you who yours was when you were growing up.Dr. Christiaan Barnard. He was a heart transplant surgeon in South Africa. There was an article about him in a magazine when I was a small child, and something about him just completely captivated my attention.Do you know what it was exactly?The idea that he had dedicated his life to heart transplant research but that he had developed arthritis so severe that he could no longer do the work himself. That seemed like such a tragedy and made him infinitely more appealing. John McDermott is a staff writer at MEL. He last wrote about how we need a better name for net neutrality to get people to start caring about it.More conversations:A Conversation With Conner Habib, the Syrian-American Gay Porn Performer and Radical PhilosopherMoments after the solar eclipse peaked over Los Angeles on Monday, I found Conner Habib perched on his porch. We sat on…melmagazine.comA Conversation With Chris KluweThe outspoken former NFL punter whose mouth got him blackballed from pro footballmelmagazine. comA Conversation With Dan Wilson, the ‘Closing Time’ Singer Who’s Written Hits for All Your Favorite…How the former Semisonic frontman became a hitmaker for womenmelmagazine.comA Conversation With Keith Law, Baseball’s Foremost Intellectual and FirebrandESPN’s sabermetrics guru discusses antidepressants, the importance of logic and his great new book about the future of…melmagazine.comA Conversation with Langston Kerman, the ‘Insecure’ Star and Slam Poet-Turned-Standup-ComicLangston Kerman is an L. A. -based comedian who tours the country performing stand-up and is on the verge of starring in…melmagazine.com

[samdukewieland]

Stuck Inside Media Diary Week 7

I realized that I didn’t include my watching of the Parks And Rec special thing that was on. By no means was it perfect, though I imagine that it was the best case scenario for something like that (in terms of being an original story, as opposed to a table/script read that the Community cast put together that’s coming out...ur, at some point). Is it necessary as a piece of media? It raised a lot of money for Feeding America and did its best in trying to shine some optimism in really unsettling times. Kinda nice.

Sunday, May 3

Filmworker, Zierra 2017 [as of now this is available on Netflix]

Interesting take on a documentary about, but not about Stanley Kubrick. It would be unusual for any Kubrick dude to not know or have some kind of inkling that he was a complicated figure (an asshole), especially when it came to making movies, so the point of the movie isn’t really to inform that aspect of of it (though it probably confirmed suspicions, should you have any). It’s more a case example of how toxic relationships like these work and how dangerous it is to deify people, especially your own heroes. Of course, should any of us be given the opportunity to work or be near someone we look up to, how’re do we know what our breaking point is for them before we reach it (unfortunately for Leon Vitali, it wasn’t until Kubrick passed away that he could see just how far deep he was). This is also a pretty good example of how companies and corporations will treat you like garbage just to advance their credibility and how sometimes it feels like a documentary’ll show you that but not really do anything change that (as far as I know).

Mad Men, [season 4 premier] “Public Relations”, “Christmas Comes But Once A Year”, “The Good News”, “The Rejected”

So I definitely haven’t watched Season 4 as a more grown person than I was back in high school when this first aired. So I’ve known Don’s life is a nightmare, but never really processed why or thought about why; I was not the most keen observer (probably because I was thinking about not turning in homework). Now with all that said, jeeeeeeez Don’s life is a super depressing nightmare oooof. Now Season 4 feels like it needs some more runway to catch up with itself and its momentum it revved up to at the end of season 3, so the first couple of weeks feel a little wobbly (though wobbly Mad Men is leagues better than some other dramas at their best). However, the Don and Lane friendship does gets established in this slew of episodes, two men who couldn’t be more different, but can’t help but be bonded by a miserable moment in time. 

Three Busy Debras, “Barbra”

Holy shit this episode is so genius. So many shades of Stangers With Candy in this one.

Rick And Morty, “Never Ricking Morty”

Believe me, I don’t want you to know that I watched this either.

The Last Dance, Parts 5 & 6

These were probably my favorite parts of the doc so far, probably because its the most enjoyable stuff you can watch (hold for destroying any chance Charles Barkley had at winning a championship). Jordan as a brand, both figuratively and literally-the concept of celebrity through a Michael Jordan lens; I could lap that up for hours. It makes me mad that there’s only two hours left (now), because there’s clearly so much more that could be covered, but will leave unturned (more on this next week).

Monty Python: Almost The Truth (Lawyers Cut), “The Not-So-Interesting Beginnings”

Good example of the subjects not getting in the way of the subject matter. Probably the thing that leaves to be desired is seeing the remaining members (this was made in 2009, so Chapman was the only deceased member at the time) together and interacting with one another. You get a little bit of Michael Palin and Terry Jones together, but not in an interviewed capacity, which faintly scratches that itch. If I had to guess, I’d say that they all don’t love being together without Palin there as a buffer, just based on what I know about Monty Python. Lotta strong and brilliantly smart personalities with no real acknowledgement on who’s the best, because they all think they’re the best (maybe not Palin or Jones). Also, this is a surprisingly self-aware interview with Idle, which really shattered any preconceived notions I have for him-might have to do some self-evaluation.

Monday, May 4

Escape From New York, Carpenter 1981 [as of now this is available on Prime]

I’ve definitely lied to people about having seen all of Escape From New York before. Why? Because it made me appear better than I actually was. It and Die Hard With A Vengeance (another great New York movie, though for the record, I’ve still never seen all of it) seemed to be two movies that I kept catching just enough glimpses of throughout the years without having actually seeing all of it. For instance, I had no idea that Harry Dean Stanton was in Escape From New York, which instantly elevates movies for guys like me from being “pretty good li’l B movie” to “this is actually advanced and high art” (this isn’t always the case on the HDS matrix, but it is consistent, see Repo Man). 

Mad Men, “The Chrysanthemum And The Sword”, “Waldorf Stories”

Real fool me once with your racism shame on you you, Roger Sterling. Fool me twice, shame on me (re: “The Chrysanthemum And The Sword”). “Waldorf Stories” is really the first episode put in gear this season, maybe it’s because we’re getting Ken Cosgrove back (hell yeh) or maybe it just feels that way because “The Suitcase” is next and I know it; it’s an incredible build-up, what with hindsight and all that. 

Tuesday, May 5

Mel Brooks: Unwrapped, Yentob 2018 [as of now this is available on HBO]

Listen, this isn’t very good. I think some of it has to do with Brooks, who kind of gets in the way of it all, which is a very hard thing to admit. It’s got some moments, when it actually tells you something about Mel Brooks, but for the most part its just a British guy not taking command of his own documentary and subject and that’s just like barely interesting. Mel Brooks is still a king, though.

Mad Men, “The Suitcase”

This is regarded as the best episode of Mad Men and one of the best episodes of television in the 2010s. I don’t know how it stands up by itself, like I don’t know if it resonates well with someone who’s never watched Mad Men outside of the vacuum. Usually going into one of these episodes that almost transcends its own show I tend to be weary, be it brand new (like when I watched “Pine Barrens” for the first time when I watched The Sopranos) or on a re-watch like this. I trick myself into thinking “well I bet its not that good” because you’re told to the contrarian take is the most interesting take, but I didn’t with this one. I remember the first time I watched it and I don’t think I’ve gone back and watched it in years, so I had forgotten almost all of the context around the episode, except for the argument. This episode is really special, hands down. Don’t love the ghost, but pobody’s nerfect. This podcast talks about it way better than I ever could, listen to that instead of reading this (I just want yer clicks, suckers!)

Wednesday, May 6

Heartburn, Nichols 1986 [as of now this is available on Prime]

I say this as someone who doesn’t travel in Mike Nichols circles (though this is the fourth movie of his that I’ve watched during all this, so maybe I do and I just don’t know it), but why isn’t this trotted out more as one of his best movies? My Nora Ephron bias might be showing a lot here, someone I didn’t really appreciate until I watched Everything Is Copy about a year ago (it’s an HBO doc-meaning it’s available on that platform if you want nice documentary to watch sometime), but this movie’s great! And it has two of the most famous movie stars to ever live as the two lead roles and Jeff Daniels as a bit player. And yet its legacy only feels relevant to those who seek out Mike Nichols or Nora Ephron movies, which feels odd, considering one half of that creative team is best known for The Graduate and the other for When Harry Met Sally (or Sleepless In Seattle or You’ve Got Mail).

Thursday, May 7 

Kingdom Of Heaven (Director’s Cut), Scott 2005

I’ll be honest, I wanted to watch Return Of The King, but that just wasn’t an option. This movie’s technically good, like more Ridley Scott movies are than they aren’t, but really lacks any kind of new message besides “Religion’s pretty fucked up how it made people do that, huh?” Which to a lot of people is super appealing, but when you make a movie that only exists because of Lord Of The Rings’ success, you’d hope for something more (though isn’t this always the case with these kinds of movies?) Like make the movie about David Thewlis or Jeremy Irons. Obviously the battle/fight sequences are really cool to watch and look at, and that’s not an at all terrible critique to give it either. It’s fine that there’s dumb-guy Lord Of The Rings (which is semi-controversial considering a lot of the book nerds already consider Lord Of The Rings [movie] is dumb-guy Lord Of The Rings).

Mad Men, “The Summer Man”

Ah yes, the Don journals and goes swimming episode. It’s good considering it has to follow up “The Suitcase.” I can’t think of any from this particular episode, but (and I think it checks out, cultural timeline wise too) this is the season where it almost feels like the writers/directors figures out that their show was ripe for meme-dom and .gifs-sometimes when that happens it goes real south for the sake of quality, but luckily not Mad Men. 

Friday, May 8

Jiro Dreams Of Sushi, Gelb 2011 [as of now this is available on Netflix]

I bet David Fincher loves this movie. I’m not a huge sushi lover (it’s fine, but way too expensive) so I guess I’ve figured that’d be a huge barrier for me to jump over to enjoy this doc. This thing’s got a weird, but great energy to it, where it feels like four twenty-minute segments sewn together; right when you think “well this should’ve just been a quick package on Frontline” it adds another wrinkle. Would probably be constructed more differently now, considering how food docs/series’ work now, but its strengths lie in its simplicity.

Top Chef, Season 17 episode 8

Great Restaurant Wars this season. Very compelling stuff and almost athletic. Andy Greenwald said it best.

Mad Men, “The Beautiful Girls”, “Hands And Knees”, “Chinese Wall”

“Beautiful Girls” is another entry into the best Mad Men episodes (though like “The Suitcase” I don’t think it would necessarily resonate out of context). Iconic closing shot and a great Sally Draper episode, who I’ve feared I might’ve been overrating for the last couple of years. Nah, Sally Draper is underrated even. Big spiral moves for Don as well in here, though hopefully he can course correct after tasting Sally’s rum-cooked French Toast (it won’t!)

Saturday, May 9

Basic Instinct, Verhoeven 1992

I can’t imagine what it must feel like to be completely neutral about this movie; your life must be so care-free, so calming, so unconcerned with trying to figure out how exactly to start calling your close friends either “cowboy” or “hoss” as if you’ve been doing it your whole life. Also, listen, I get it about that one shot and it being the thing people kept talking about and the thing most associated with this movie, but nothing and no one prepared me for seeing Gus in a cowboy hat in that bar/club before the Nick/Roxie chase. That and all the ice-pick stabbings. And the opening crime scene. And a whole lot of other stuff that takes place in this movie.

Mad Men, “Blowing Smoke”, “Tomorrowland” [season 4 finale], “A Little Kiss Part 1 & 2″ [season 5 premier]

The letter! Disneyland! Marriage again! A lot of things happen in these four episodes that are the end and beginning of seasons. But when I realized that I was going to get “Zou Bisou Bisou” in this block of episodes, it was game over. I’ve had it stuck in my head every day for a prolonged amount of time since Saturday and the only thing that makes it not terrible is knowing how pissed off Don was that it happened to him. Don’t marry a 25-year-old. Season 4′s a weird one for Betty as the show tried to navigate how to keep her involved with the show even though she and Don aren’t married anymore and it’s not....great. Probably because they keep making her “true” emotional foil children (specifically Glen and to a greater level Sally, but the tribulations that come between a mother and almost teenage daughter shouldn’t be the same as a mother and some weird kid down the block who just happens to be the son of the show’s creator).

[maywithmeryl]

Silkwood (1983)

When I moved to Chicago in 2013, I spent about 15 months living in squalor. Rent was cheap and I could smoke inside but there was no internet, no cable, and I could hear the walls crumbling at night. Luckily, I brought one of those bulky TVs with a VCR attached and a bunch of videotapes. For a while, my only source of home entertainment was watching one of my precious tapes. 

I can’t tell you the joy finding a rare tape brought me back in those days. Discovering a copy of Todd Solondz’s Happiness or Wim Wenders’ Wings of Desire amongst all the Forrest Gumps and Jerry Maguires was like striking gold. My collection has thinned over time - after all, moving a box of tapes is a huge pain in the ass. And yet, through the years my tape of Silkwood has survived. Partly because it was out of print on DVD and partly because it’s a fantastic film. 

You’ve got Mike Nichols directing, a screenplay from Nora Ephron, and stellar performances from Meryl Streep, Cher and Kurt Russell. Really, what more do you want from a movie? In my opinion, Mike Nichols should be talked about the same way Scorsese is. Give me Working Girl over Wolf of Wall Street any day! He was so good for so long, always drawing great performances out of his actors and making tasteful choices. Truly, kudos, Mr. Nichols. 

Silkwood is a film for our time if ever there was one. The plot revolves around Karen Silkwood (Streep) an Oklahoma woman working at a nuclear power plant. She spends her time at work sifting plutonium for impurities and shooting the shit with her coworkers, always under the constant threat of exposure to radiation. After witnessing the company’s response to a coworker that comes in contact with nuclear particles, Karen is radicalized and becomes a union activist.

One day, while sitting on the porch reading a science book sent by the union, Karen looks up and proclaims “they’ve been lying to us!”. It turns out any amount of plutonium exposure could potentially cause cancer. She begins realizing that her employers were putting lives in danger in order to make more money by cutting corners and misleading the staff. She begins gathering evidence and preparing to go public. Tragically, she never gets the chance to. 

Meanwhile, this pandemic has us all out here living under the constant threat of contamination and conservative groups are protesting and insisting we should “reopen the economy”. It’s the same playbook that’s been used forever. Corporations and conservative think tanks quietly funding the spread of disinformation, creating the appearance of debate in the scientific community to delay progress on any sort of regulation (see: ThE DeAtH CoUnT Is iNAcCuRaTe). Now why would the “party of business'' want everyone to go back to work?? 

The hardest part, for me, is watching friends and family deny the data and maintaining that it’s not as bad as it seems. Hopefully I can get a book in their hands so they too can look up and shout “they’ve been lying to us!”.