#bUT I got the idea in my head of Gylfie singing it to baby Myra and had to write it sdfjghkfd))

[disillusionedjudge]

Gylfie's Lullaby

based on this song also tagging @tarnishedxknight because it's relevant to our Balfonheim au sdfgjdf

The storms in Balfonheim were different than the storms in Archades. Here, they were empowered by the sea - gathering strength and speed as the wind howled and waves crashed upon the shore. As the rain pelted the streets and buildings - lending no mercy to anything unsheltered. Lending no care to the late hour, though, mayhap, a mercy to some, who could fall asleep to such noise.

It was a mercy Gylfie was not privy to that night, however. For one who once could sleep whenever she could afford, regardless of conditions or time or place, it was simply elusive. Her mind was well awake with the thoughts of her old life. Of Drace and Gabranth. Of the Empire she still loved and now feared. Of whether or not one day she would be found, and if she would lose everything that had come to mean the most to her. She tried not to think such things, not when she knew she was under the protection of Reddas and his crew, in the port city that was both a safe haven for pirates and far from the interest of the Empire. Not when she had the man she loved the most at her side, and a daughter she would do anything to protect.

But her mind sometimes got the best of her, and the storm did little to ease her nerves. She was ever still as she sat by the window - unflinching even as lightning split the sky before it was chased by the dull boom of thunder - and simply held herself tighter. She thought of her beloved mentors, and wondered how they were doing as her heart shuddered with grief. While not tied to her by blood, they had been the family she had been forced to leave behind, and... gods, did it pain her. She wrote to them when she could, cautious not to do it frequently and draw suspicion, and always signed with a small drawing of an olean flower, but that did little to ease her grief. She wanted to see them again. To hear their voices again. Gods, she wanted nothing more than to just introduce her daughter to them - especially to Drace. If only she could have stayed, yet...

Gylfie's gaze dropped with another flash of lightning. As another crash of thunder followed quicker and louder than before. Despite her pain, she did not regret coming to Balfonheim. She did not regret asking Caelen to run away with her. What she regretted... was that it was because her hand had been forced, and not because she had decided to choose him over her career. Because as much as she missed Archades and her mentors and even her station, this... was something that filled a hole in her heart she had tried so desperately to ignore. Not that she had ever dreamed of becoming a mother, but she had wanted domesticity. To have someone she loved and someone who loved her at her side. To have the comfort of a lover, as selfish, mayhap, as that wish was. She had wanted both this comfort and her career, many months ago, but to have one over the other, this was what she wanted.

Had Vayne revealed the truth of her disappearance? It was he who forced her hand, after all, though a bitter part of her wondered if she ought to thank him. Although she knew not how, he had learned of her pregnancy and confronted her about it, and the ultimatum he had given her was one she could never accept. It was one she could not bring herself to tell Caelen, or anyone else, for that matter. But she still wondered if it was known, or if Drace and Gabranth had been able to cover her after all, or if Vayne had decided it not worth his time or effort. She hoped for the latter, even as she stayed up with the raging storm, with her paranoia eating at the back of her mind and telling her they were still not safe. That danger lurked just outside, far more than the rain and the lightning and the thunder, even as she told herself there was nothing to fear. That she was far from danger, and the safety provided and ensured by Reddas extended to her and her family just as it did everyone else in Balfonheim.

It was not enough to encourage her to go back to bed, with her mind torn between her fears and her past, even despite the promise of warmth and comfort she found in Caelen. Despite the temptation of being able to curl against him and to breathe in his scent, and get lost in the safety of his arms and the fantasy they would forever be safe. Despite that... she was starting to feel a chill, and a heaviness in her chest that threatened to choke her. Gods above, did she love him more than anything, but there were times she felt... overwhelmed. Isolated and underwater. Mayhap it... it was the hound still in her, born from the loyalty for the Empire bred into it, from the loyalty that had bled her time and time again, that made her feel this way. That made her feel the need to return with her tail between her legs, to show her belly and her throat and beg for forgiveness, as if she would not rip apart anyone who would dare threaten or attempt to take her away from her family. As if did not feel enough pain. As if she had not been chased from the Empire to begin with.

And, mayhap, it was motherhood that had brought her to such a state. After all, she had never wanted to be a mother, and it had been planned that Caelen would raise their child so she could continue her service to the Empire. Which, in hindsight, was a thought that made Gylfie want to laugh something bitter and angry, but had been the truth all the same. He would raise their child while she continued to be an obedient hound, and she would continue her visits and watch from afar - a stranger to her own flesh and blood and a distant lover to the man she should have never fallen in love with. But everything changed and had only worsened her mental state with her progressing pregnancy, and--

The whole house lit aglow as lightning blinded the sky, causing even Gylfie to squeeze her eyes shut and flinch away, as thunder roared above and seemed to rattle the house. As it made clear the storm was now right above them, and showed no signs of easing as the rain continued to hammer down with the quieting rumble. As darkness once more engulfed the port and swallowed the house.

As a small cry was nearly drowned out by the rain.

There was not a moment of hesitation as Gylfie got to her feet and hurried to the nursery - her heart in her throat. The blood in her ears drowned out the sound of the storm outside. What was it that had caused Myra's distress? Had someone broken in? Oh, gods above, if anyone dare lay a single finger on her daughter--

The light from the magicite lamp she ignited revealed nothing amiss. The curtains hiding the window were still and shut. The chair had not moved and neither had the crib. There was no other soul there, aside from herself and the crying babe, and the emptiness offered a relief that could have made her dizzy, if it were not for her daughter. As her heart still pounded in her chest, trying to settle as her hands shook, Gylfie moved to the crib, and felt her relief get washed away by her sympathy.

Myra wailed again - her tiny face scrunched as she squirmed beneath her blanket. For one so small, her cries pierced through the raging storm outside, and seemed almost loud enough to rival even the thunder that answered back and the lightning that illuminated the room from behind the curtains. A sound that would surely wake Caelen, if it had not already roused him.

With a gentle hush, Gylfie reached down, and carefully scooped her crying baby into her arms before she kissed her forehead. Her heart aching as Myra continued to cry. "'Tis alright, my little one," she soothed as she rocked her. As she held her as tight as she could without hurting her, and as she gently brushed her thumb over her daughter's cheeks. "The storm cannot hurt you, Myra. I promise you, I will never let anything hurt you for as long as I am here." She carefully shifted her baby in her hold, and held her close to her chest so Myra's head was resting over her heart. As she held her tight and began to sway slowly with her to help settle her, and as she felt a sense of calm wash upon her as she focused on soothing Myra. Gods, how strange it was to feel such a sense of peace in such a position. To feel so... content.

Though, even as her daughter grasped at her with tiny fists, Myra still cried. Quieter, now that she was in her arms, but the storm had no care for the comfort of a babe, and how could such a small thing like her understand she was safe? With a gentle murmur, Gylfie nuzzled her, and continued to sway with her. "You're okay. You're alright," she sang - her voice soft, but just loud enough to be heard over the rain. "I'll never, ever leave your side. I will stay, I will fight, with you."

She hummed as she rubbed Myra's back, and rested her cheek upon her head as if to shield her from the storm. She held her close and secure, and continued to hum even as her daughter's cries turned into muffled whimpers. Even as she began to settle in her arms despite the rain and the thunder and the lightning. Even as Gylfie could not help but... feel it so strange that, not that long ago, she felt no connection to her precious baby. A disconnect so sharp, she felt a stranger in her own body as she nursed her, and felt nothing but discomfort until the agonizing thought of Alsga feeling the same with her tore a horrid realization that Myra could grow up feeling unwanted the same way she had changed everything.

Oh, how it had killed her to grow up feeling that way. To know she had been something of a burden on her mother - a disappointment and a mistake - and to know Takrin had loathed her from the very beginning. Her parents had not been her parents, and she had not felt the love of a mother and father until she had found herself a family with Drace and Gabranth, when they had taken the risk to mentor her. To sponsor her to become a Judge when Takrin had done everything he could to chase her out of the military completely - when he had denied her that rank and kept her nothing more than a guard and training fodder. She had never wanted to be a mother, and pregnancy was something she never wanted to experience again, but to be the cause of such hurt in such a fragile thing as Myra was a pain that damn near broke her.

No. For as long as she lived, she would make certain her baby knew she was loved and wanted. That she was safe with her and Caelen, no matter what.

Gylfie nuzzled her again before she tenderly kissed Myra's head as she continued to hum, and felt her heart swell with such love as she realized her daughter had finally settled. As her precious baby stayed snuggled against her, with her little head resting over her heart, and her eyes closed and her expression peaceful rather than frightened, even as the storm continued to rage outside. The rain still pounded onto the house as another bolt of lightning disrupted the gentler glow of the lamp, yet again chased by a roar of thunder that once again seemed to shake their home.

But the storm was outside, and her family was safe. The vipers of the Empire were not at their doorstep that night, and nor would they lurk in her mind, as she continued to gently sway with her daughter.

"You're okay. You're alright," she sang softly, "I'll stay here through the darkest night. All the way, I will fight, with you."