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for-fucks-sake-h · 5 years ago

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As You Held Onto Me - Five

a/n: Hiiiii! Welcome to the final chapter of ayhom! I’m SO excited to finally be sharing this with you. It’s been a long time coming. Huge, huge, HUGE, thank you for my loves for supporting me through this story @idk-who-she-is @andwhenshesays @oh-honey-styles I couldn’t have done it without you. And to anyone that celebrated today - Happy Mother’s Day 🌸you’re amazing and deserve the world! Alright babes, I hope you all enjoy this! xx

CATCH UP ON PREVIOUS PARTS HERE

Rated: M, mature // Word Count: 4.9k

Sometimes, love can feel like it’s everything. And sometimes, we hope it can be.

***

- Friday, September 27, 2030 -

You turned the shower’s water off, messily shaking your hand through your sopping hair as you slid the glass door open with your other hand and grabbed your hair wrap off the hook. You were quick to flip your head upside down, twisting the cotton towel around your hair and securing it at the nape of your neck. Your heart was fluttering the tiniest bit as you grabbed the plush bath towel to dry yourself off. Lotion was hastily applied as you stood at your bathroom counter, and some oil was frivolously smoothed through your hair, your towels discarded in a ball next to your feet, deciding you could take care of them later.

You were eager to join the party down the hall.

With a pep in your step, you flicked your ensuite light off and made quick work of throwing on the first pair of shorts from your pj drawer, your sopping hair clinging to the material of an old, worn out Kiss shirt of Harry’s that you had conveniently confiscated years ago. And with some fuzzy socks quickly pulled on, you headed to the room at the end of the hallway, laughter becoming more prominent the closer you got.

You already felt like your heart was in your throat as you paused at the door, slowly creeping it open as discreetly as you could. The vision in front of you never got old.

Their laughter was infectious, practically identical in the way their noses creased and dimples etched into their cheeks. They sat on the bed, side by side as they both leaned back against the headboard, ankles crossed in the same way, most likely laughing at one of Harry’s horrible jokes. They weren’t horrible to her though. No - to her, they held the moon in the sky.

“Finally,” Harry chuckled when he noticed you.

You shot him a look, one that he’d been on the receiving end of plenty of times throughout the years, and one that had a slight curl of your lips that you desperately tried to keep at bay as you walked over to them.

“Hi, mommy!”

You leaned down to kiss her head before sitting on the bed beside her, intertwining your arms as she rested her head on your shoulder.

“Hi, love. Did you have a good day?”

“Yeah! How was yours? We missed you!”

This was what you lived for - getting home after a long day to spend the evening with your two favorite people.

“Good, happy to be home.” You kissed her head once more, your eyes flicking up to meet Harry’s, a warm smile spread across his face. “What have you two been up to?”

“We got some stuff for tonight, didn’t we baby?” Harry nodded at your daughter, encouraging her to share.

“We got face masks,” she beamed at you as you dropped your mouth open in excitement. “And daddy picked out a yellow nail polish.”

“Did he now?” You smiled, warmth encasing your heart at how happy she looked.

“Yeah! We were just waiting for you,” she nodded, her eyes fluttering fondly as Harry kissed the back of her head.

“Go grab them, love.” He nodded with a smirk pulling at his lips.

She was quick to crawl down to the bottom of the bed, practically skipping out of her room.

“Where’s she going?” You laughed.

“They’re refrigerated face masks, love. All the rage.”

“Ah, I see.” You smiled, taking in his ruffled hair and soft hoodie, the thin layer of facial hair that scattered across his jaw and upper lip.

He leaned down onto one elbow, inching himself closer to you. “We missed you.”

You breathed out through your nose as you ran the backs of your knuckles across his jaw, leaning down until you could rest your forehead on his. “Missed you too. I’m just glad she still wants to do this,” you admitted softly.

“Me too, baby.”

He extended his neck enough to softly slant his mouth over yours. He was warm and tasted like the honey you knew he put in the tea they had while you were still at work. With one last kiss to the corner of your mouth, he pulled away, chucking two fingers under your chin.

He was gone way too soon, leaving you blinking at him as your daughter entered the room. Harry must have heard her coming and didn’t want to get caught. He was the one that got yelled at for “always being all over mommy” after all. The thought made you smile fondly as you watched your daughter set up the nail polish, some nail art stickers, the face masks and even a small bowl of M&M’s for you to snack on.

“Can’t believe my baby’s gonna be ten years old tomorrow,” you shook your head in disbelief.

She crossed her feet under her legs before smiling up at you, “Don’t cry, mommy.”

“I’m not gonna cry,” you scoffed.

They laughed in unison, the same boisterous laugh escaping their mouths at the same time. And you couldn’t help but laugh too as you blinked the tears from your eyes, enamored with the life you and Harry had created.

Every year, you had spent the night before her birthday as just the three of you, even when she was too young to remember. It was your tradition, one of many that your little family had created over the years. As she got older, she started requesting new things; coloring night, movie night, game night - and tonight, spa night. It was special to you, and you knew it was special to her and Harry too.

“What should we talk about?” Harry asked as he extended his left hand onto his daughter's knee as she opened the nail polish jar.

“When you asked mommy to marry you,” she smiled brightly.

Harry laughed, watching as she carefully painted the yellow polish on his first finger. “How many times can you hear that story!”

She giggled softly before her eyebrows crinkled in concentration, her tongue poking out of the corner of her mouth, the same way Harry’s did. “Hmm, okay when you first met? Or when you told grandmom and grandpop you wanted to live together!” She rattled off stories you’d told her numerous times, her eyes trained on neatly painting her dad's nails.

“How about a new one?” You suggested.

You looked over at Harry, a smile pulling at his lips as he chimed in, “Yeah, was thinking when you were born?”

***

- Tuesday, September 28, 2020 -

It was like you could see the bright overhead lights before you even opened your eyes. You blinked slowly, adjusting to the harshness and groggily taking in your surroundings. A warm bed, soft socks, a faint beeping sound - it all started filtering into your senses as you came to. It was almost blissful, being unaware and waking up to a fresh day.

Except reality started to quickly set in and your heart rate began piterpattering as your eyes focused in on the band that wrapped around your waist and the dopplers that were attached to the sides of your belly. You suddenly felt way too warm. The blanket laying across your legs felt suffocating, the hospital gown itchy against your skin.

But the machine to your right - the one with the beeping, tracking your daughters heart rate - that settled you.

“Hey, welcome back,” Jess smiled as she checked the machines you were hooked up to. “Gave us a nice scare.”

“What happened?” you spoke roughly, your voice cracking around your dry throat.

“You passed out. You were dehydrated, babe.”

“Fuck,” you breathed.

“And your blood pressure is through the roof…”

“Fuck,” you breathed out again. “Preeclampsia?”

She hummed in response as she sat on the edge of your bed. “You’re okay, Dr. Wood is here. She already has you on the magnesium and everything looks okay so far.”

“How long do we have until she has to come out?”

Preeclampsia; a pregnancy complication characterized by high blood pressure that, if not treated, can lead to organ damage. And the only treatment is to not be pregnant. So you knew your baby was coming out sooner rather than later. Magnesium; a drug used to prevent seizures in women with preeclampsia, could only be administered for so long.

“She’ll be in to talk to you soon, but they want to get you on Pitocin right away, see if it can jump start you into labor. They don’t want to mess around with it babe.”

You sighed, already anticipating that answer. “Yeah, yeah. I know. Is she okay? Charts look alright?”

“She’s doing great,” Jess smiled, squeezing your hand reassuringly.

You released a deep breath, settling back into your pillow more. “Shit... did you call Harry?”

“He’s on his way,” she nodded.

You relaxed a bit more just knowing he would be with you soon. And as if his ears were burning, your hospital room door burst open and your frazzled husband eagerly stormed into the room.

“Christ baby! You okay?” He rushed as he practically power walked to the side of your bed, sitting down parallel to Jess. “Hey, Jess,” he shot her a quick glance and a smile before bringing his worried eyes back to your face.

She laughed as she stood, squeezing your hand once more. “I’ll leave you guys to it.”

“I’m okay,” you chuckled as Jess pulled your door closed, taking in Harry’s messy hair and creased brows. “Was dehydrated. Passed out,” you chuckled. “And... I have preeclampsia.”

His warm hand cupped your cheek, fingers tucking behind your neck as his eyes flitted across your face. “Shit, babe. What does that mean?”

“They’re gonna induce me.”

He nodded as he processed what you were saying. “When?”

“Now,” you smiled. “It’s okay,” you breathed when his eyes widened.

His other hand went to your belly, fingers spreading across the roundest part. “Is she okay?”

“Mhm. She’ll be a couple weeks early, but she’s okay. I’m considered full term.”

“Shit, so she could come today?”

You nodded. “That’s what we’re hoping for. It’s not ideal, but we’ll be okay.”

He quickly leaned forward to awkwardly wrap himself around you in a hug, his face tucked into your neck. You scratched his back with the hand that wasn’t attached to an IV, breathing in the scent of his hair. He eased you in a way you couldn’t explain. He didn’t even have to do anything, he just had to be.

“Well fuck, we can be excited then? Right?” His voice was muffled as he spoke into your neck, his breath tickling you just so.

You hummed and nodded against his cheek, suddenly feeling your throat tighten with emotion. You’d waited so long for this to happen, and now it finally was, in the most overwhelming way possible. But you were excited to meet this tiny human that you already loved more than you ever thought was possible.

His hand gripped the side of your neck again, his lips finding yours with practiced ease. His taste warmed you from the outside in, completely infiltrating your senses as his soft lips caressed yours. You could feel him start to smile into the kiss, a small snicker escaping his throat as his fingers flexed into the back of your neck.

When he pulled back, all you could focus on were his glassy green eyes, knowing your own eyes mirrored his.

“It’s happening, baby.” He spoke softly as you traced your thumb across his bottom lip.

You couldn’t stop the smile from pulling at your lips, your eyes watering even more before you tugged him closer to rest your forehead against his.

***

Twelve hours. That’s how long you’d been induced before anything started to happen. It was a slow process. And even though you figured it would be, it still left the tiniest bit of anxiety to sit on your chest.

Your body was not ready to give birth, having two weeks left until your due date, so it fought the Pitocin until it literally couldn’t anymore. And you fought against the contractions the medicine brought on for as long as you could before raising the white flag and asking for the epidural, which you also knew could possibly slow down the process even more.

Hours passed as you sat at one centimeter. Every time your doctor came in to check, you held your breath in the hopes of progressing, just to be let down over and over. You’d started to discuss the possibility of needing a c-section. If your body didn’t want to let the baby out on it’s own, she was going to have to be taken by force.

It was a little past 8pm and you were passing time with Law and Order repeats, the only saving grace available on the hospital television, when Dr. Wood knocked.

“Okay, YN. It’s that time again,” she spoke softly as she sanitized her hands before pulling the latex gloves on.

Harry muted the TV from where he sat next to you, a chair pulled over to the bed to sit right next to your head so he could play with your hair.

Dr. Wood made quick work to check your cervix as you and Harry both waited with bated breath. And then her eyes lit up.

“Four centimeters.”

“Oh thank god,” you breathed as you dramatically tilted your head back before laughing.

“Yes, this is good. We’re finally getting somewhere.” She removed her gloves as she walked towards the trash can to throw them away. “So I’ll come back to check again in about an hour,” she walked back towards your bed, her hands casually tucked in her coat pockets. “I think we’re going to be moving a lot quicker now. Hopefully we’ll have this baby before midnight,” she smiled. “Hope you like this date.”

Harry scratched your head lovingly, giving you the most beautiful smile when you glanced at him.

“So relax, have some ice chips,” Dr. Wood joked, “and I’ll see you in a bit.”

“Thank you!” You called excitedly as you grabbed your cup from the bed tray to tip some of the ice into your mouth. “I’m so relieved,” you turned your face to Harry as you chomped on the ice noisily, letting your eyes fall closed as he scratched your head again.

“Me too, baby.” He leaned in to place a soft kiss to your forehead. “God, she’s gonna be here soon. Can you believe it?” His voice was soft and full of wonder, it made your heart clench in your chest.

“No,” you chuckled, “but I’m ready.”

“Me too,” he kissed your head again before lowering his mouth to yours, his warm lips a soothing contrast to your cold mouth.

You were so ready.

***

“You’re doing so good baby!” Harry’s face was right next to yours, his hand gripped to your knee as you fought to keep your eyes on his.

“Good,” Dr. Wood agreed. “Catch your breath, then you’re gonna push again, YN.”

Your doctor, nurses and Harry had all been encouraging you like that for at least an hour. You couldn’t really be sure. It felt like an eternity.

“This baby’s almost here. A few more good pushes, YN. She’s right there. When you’re ready.”

You could feel your eyes watering as you looked at Harry, watching him nod along with what Dr. Wood was saying. “Doing so good. She’s almost here,” he spoke lowly, as if he only wanted you to hear him.

And for a second, it felt like it really was just the two of you.

It was like your life together - the good and bad - flashed in your mind like a movie. As if you were watching the ending credits, glimpses of your past selves and everything you had been through that brought you to this moment.

You took a deep breath, a tear slipping down your cheek as you pushed with every ounce of strength you had. You pushed, and pushed, and pushed - and then it was like your eyes looked down on their own accord to watch your daughter enter the world. And it was the most breathtaking moment of your life. The nurses were congratulating you as Dr. Wood held her up for you to get a good look at her, and your husband was praising you with his hand gripped tight to your leg and his lips on your cheek.

“You did it baby! She’s here,” he cried, kissing your clammy cheek over and over again. “Oh my god, she’s perfect. You’re perfect. I love you. I’m so proud of you.” His voice was rough with emotion but his lips were soft against your skin.

You cried when she cried, and you watched with blurry vision as Harry cut the umbilical cord, feeling like your heart could burst from your chest.

Finally feeling complete.

***

- Friday, September 27, 2030 -

“You did all that for me?”

She looked so shocked by the end of the story that it genuinely made you laugh, Harry laughing right alongside you at her wide eyes and disbelieving tone.

“Yes! And I would do it again in a heartbeat. You know why?” You watched her shake her head no, her eyes still wide as saucers. “Because I would do anything for you. Daddy too. You are the best thing that ever happened to us.”

She smiled at that, blinking softly at you. She may have had Harry’s dimples, but that was your smile, through and through.

“Alright, love. It’s late. Don’t want you to be tired for your birthday!” Harry spoke up after a moment before climbing out of bed. You watched as she got herself tucked under her covers, smiling happily up to you. He leaned down to kiss her head first, then the tip of her nose as she scrunched it up the same way Harry did. And then you did the same before pulling the covers over her more.

“Good night, Rae. Love you.”

“Love you,” she whispered as you turned her light out and quietly left her room.

Harry’s hands were on your shoulders as you pulled her bedroom door closed, massaging a seemingly always present knot. “Can you believe she’s gonna be ten tomorrow?”

“Nope,” you laughed as you turned towards him, wrapping your arm around his waist as he slung his around your shoulder to walk down your dimly lit hallway. “I know I say that every year. But every year it blows my mind.”

“Mine too.”

He kissed your head as you made your way into your bedroom before separating at the foot of your bed. You pulled the covers down in silence, tossing the decorative pillows onto the floor before climbing into the crisp sheets. You watched Harry as he stripped down to his boxers before slipping in beside you, quick to pull you closer and turn you to face away from him, fitting his front perfectly against your back.

“Do you think she’s asleep already?” he asked, his breath tickling down the back of your neck as he pulled you even closer, his hips casually flexing against you.

“Oh my god, you’re the worst!” you laughed as you squirmed against him.

“What?” he exclaimed, the smile evident in his tone. “Just missed you.”

That had you humming, arching your back against him a silent plea. “Missed you too, H.” You spoke softly as you smiled into your pillow.

“Is that a yes?” He flexed his hips again with his question. “Think she fell asleep extraordinarily fast? All that pre-birthday excitement knocked her out?”

“Mm, doubtful.” Your voice lowered when you continued. “So I guess you better be quiet.”

“I can be quiet.”

His words and the deep timbre of his voice sent a chill down your spine in the same way his hand gripping your hip and his mouth finding your neck did. That was all it took for your body to warm, arching against him more to feel the way he was already puffing up in his boxers.

He sucked soft kisses to your skin as he awkwardly tugged your shorts down as much as he could before you kicked them off the rest of the way. He was quick to follow suit, pulling his boxers down his thighs so he could feel your soft skin against his own. Your ass curved perfectly into his groin, his warm cock perfectly tucked against you, his leg hair tickling the backs of your legs, his chest flush to your back as he softly bit your shoulder through your tee shirt.

His hands roamed your body - squeezing your thigh, your hip, your waist. His breathing picked up against the skin of your neck as he rolled his hips against you. You sighed happily at the way he practically massaged all your sore spots, his fingers digging into new spots every so often. And when he pulled your hair up off your neck to suck at the spot where it met your shoulder, you couldn’t help but let out the smallest moan.

You could feel him get harder the more he pressed himself against you, until he was straining against your ass cheek, hot velvet grazing your skin.

“God... I want you,” he whispered. “I always want you.”

His hand found it’s way up the front of your shirt, his warm palm cupping your breast as he pulled you even closer.

“Harry,” you breathed as he pinched your nipple just enough for a warm zip of pleasure to caress your core. He flicked his first finger across your pebbled nipple as he sucked another kiss to your neck.

“Gonna open up for me?” He pressed his hard length into you more, your legs involuntarily opening for him. “Think I can slip in?”

“You tell me.”

He bit into your shoulder again in retaliation, his hand quickly smoothing down the length of your stomach until his middle finger could slip between your folds.

“Fuck,” he spoke in a hushed whisper. “I’ll never get tired of it.” He slipped his finger lower, finding the pooling arousal waiting for him at your entrance. “Get so fuckin wet for me.”

He wasted no time pulling your wetness back up to your clit to press slow circles against you. It was amazing how quickly he could make you feel like you were on fire, even after so many years. It was something so uniquely yours. He knew your body like the back of his hand, and he used it to his advantage to turn you on as quickly as possible.

“I want it, H.”

“What, baby?” He flexed his hips into you again, his length teasing between your legs.

“You. Want you to fill me.”

“Shit,” he breathed. And then he was pulling his hand from your clit to take hold of his cock to guide himself into you.

He pushed in slow, a moan catching in your throat as you adjusted. Your hands fisted your pillow as you took in the heavy pressure of him until he was fully seated inside you, his pelvis pressed tight to your ass. He waited for you, getting the tiniest bit of smug pleasure out of your need to adjust to his size. He withdrew and pushed back in just as slowly, rolling his hips at the same torturous pace until you whimpered into the pillow.

“So good,” he moaned softly as he picked up a steady rhythm, one that had a soft clap of his thighs against yours every time he pushed in. Your back was arched, the angle hitting perfectly. He was big, and taking him that way only intensified it.

His moans were soft, but still present. And you were happy they were, even though he said he would be quiet, you didn’t really want him to. Every sound he made turned you on more, every hushed curse and choked moan, every breath and pant against your skin, it all made your arousal bubble under your skin like a dormant volcano just waiting to erupt.

“Harry,” you moaned softly as his hand traveled up the length of your side, until it could smooth across your chest and up to your throat, his long fingers cupping the front. He didn’t squeeze tightly at first, just enough to feel possessive in the best sort of way. His hips picked up pace a bit, rocking into yours steadily as you clenched around him. And when his hand did tighten on your throat a bit more, your vision went spotty with pleasure as you coated his dick with your arousal.

“Fuck… fuck,” he moaned as his hips flexed against your ass to push even deeper until you were gasping around a moan.

You whined and whimpered as he fucked you before you were panting when he released the grip on your neck to slide his hand down your body once more, fingers immediately finding your clit.

“Oh my god,” you moaned as he flicked his middle finger across your swollen bud. You were burning up beneath your skin, red hot currents of arousal shooting from your belly throughout your body.

“Come on,” he encouraged. His hips were relentless and completely unforgiving. Your orgasm was right there, dangling in front of you, just out of reach. “Be a good girl and come on me.”

And that was all it took for it to wash over you, soaking his cock more as you moaned his name and clenched down on him over and over. Your hips spasmed with it, his fingers flicking against your clit as best he could to ride the high out with you.

Your orgasm pushed him over the edge too, as it usually did, the tight grip on his cock pulling the deepest moan you’d heard from him all night. His hips stuttered into yours, his mouth pressed to your neck as he panted your name while he came.

You both went completely lax at the same time, sinking into your mattress together in bliss.

“I love you,” he breathed, his arms wrapping tightly around your waist.

“Mm, I love you too.”

You laid in silence for a few moments, catching your breath together as you settled, only to be pulled across the mattress, until he was standing and bringing you with him.

“Sorry,” he looked down at your pouting face. “We’ll fall asleep if we don’t get cleaned up right now.”

He kissed your lips softly as he walked you both to the ensuite, your legs feeling like jello as he carried most of your weight with your arms wrapped tightly around his neck. And once you were back in bed, he pulled you into the same position you started in, with his warm skin seeping through the back of your shirt.

Neither of you had to say anything as you settled together. It was late, and you had a long day ahead of you for the birthday party. But you were both happy and loved, and your life together was everything you could have hoped for and more.

And that was how you contentedly fell asleep, wrapped in Harry’s warm arms.

***

- Wednesday, September 29, 2020 -

The soft sound of Harry’s voice slipped into your senses as you slowly started to wake from a much needed nap. You knew exactly what you were going to see before even opening your eyes, a smile pulling on your lips just at the thought.

As you slowly turned your head in the direction of his voice, cracking one eye open to check, you were met with exactly what you thought.

Harry tucked away in the chair in the corner of your hospital room next to the window, your daughter swaddled up in a security blanket that you’d picked out for her months prior, slowly rocking back and forth as he sang softly, barely above a whisper.

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine.

You make me happy when skies are gray.

You'll never know dear, how much I love you.

Please don't take my sunshine away.

You knew this scene, having caught the same exact visual a few times already. You watched him sing it over and over, his index finger softly tracing over her cheek, his eyes never leaving her face. It made your heart ache in a way that you knew you would never get tired off.

You watched him quietly, only speaking once he was quiet for a while. “Hi.”

Wet eyes reached yours, a smile spreading on his face as a rogue tear slipped down his cheek. He didn’t say anything - just silently lifted from the chair to come sit with you, tucking himself next to you on your bed.

“Mommy’s up, Rae.” He spoke softly as you rested your head on his shoulder, looking down at your beautiful baby. A perfect mix of you and him.

You smiled as you turned to place a kiss on his shoulder, the smell of your laundry detergent present on his freshly changed clothes. You felt a kiss to your head, prompting you to lift your own to meet his soft gaze, his lashes still wet with happy tears.

He kissed you slowly, pouring his love from his soul to yours. It was quick and it was sweet, and you found yourself silently sitting next to your husband, watching your dream come true sleep, blissfully aware of the hold she had on both of you already.

You smiled at her, all of the possibilities of your life to come at the forefront of your mind as you spoke softly.

“Our little ray of sunshine.”

***

Thank you so much for reading and coming on this journey! To anyone that has ever struggled with infertility or miscarriage - I’m sorry. I love you. You are not alone.

If you enjoyed this, please let me know your thoughts. I would love to hear from you! xx

Masterlist

#harry styles #harry styles fanfic #harry styles smut #harry styles x reader #ayhom

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for-fucks-sake-h · 5 years ago

Text

As You Held Onto Me - Four

a/n: Hello! I don’t have much to say, other than a HUGE thank you to my sweet friends @oh-honey-styles and @andwhenshesays for inspiring me to finish this story and being genuinely beautiful people that I feel lucky to know. I hope you all like it. Enjoy! x

CATCH UP ON PREVIOUS PARTS HERE

Rated: M, mature // Word Count: 5.7k

Sometimes, love can feel like it’s everything. And sometimes, we hope it can be.

***

- Wednesday, December 24, 2017 -

“Goodnight, loves! See you in the morning,” Anne called with a kind smile from across the room as you and Harry made your way up the stairs of his childhood home.

After a night of delicious food, games and wonderful company, Harry called it a night, whispering in your ear that he was ready to spend time with just you. So you bid your goodnights to his family, taking your empty hot chocolate mugs to the dishwasher before ascending the stairs with smiles on your faces.

His old bedroom looked the same; posters on the walls of his favorite bands, a dark oak desk in one corner with knick-knacks and books and a small reading lamp, an old striped chair tucked beside it, and his bed in the center below a large window with a soft duvet and blankets neatly placed on top. It smelled like cinnamon from the candle he had lit earlier in the day and the room was dimly lit from the brightly shining moon.

“I love your family,” you whispered with a smile as you bent down to fish one of his old tee shirts from your shared luggage.

He sat on the end of the bed, slipping his socks off and tossing them next to the chair in what would be deemed your ‘dirty pile’. You watched him reach behind his neck to tug his hoodie over his head, his hair sticking up from the static. He was quiet for a moment, simply watching you shimmy out of your clothes and bra, shrugging the shirt on and pulling it down over your underwear. He leaned up to slip his sweatpants off, kicking them over to the pile before his fingers encased yours, tugging you to stand between his legs.

Your hands rested on his shoulders, his worn tee shirt feeling exceedingly soft beneath your palms as he trailed his fingers up and down your bare legs.

“I love you,” he whispered with his face tilted up to yours as his fingers drew designs on your thighs.

You ran your hand up his neck to cup his face, your thumb brushing the soft, warm skin of his cheek. His eyes were heavy; fluttering softly at your touch before you leaned in to press your lips to his. You could feel his sigh rather than hear it, only a soft exhale as you gently sucked his top lip.

Your other hand lifted to scratch the back of his head as your mouths slowly parted, savoring his taste until the very last second. You rested your forehead against his, breathing in the faint smell of his cologne and fresh linen scent of the detergent he loved. It wasn’t the first Christmas you spent together, or even the first spent at his family's home, but it felt special in its own way.

“Come on,” you nudged your noses together, “you know they’re gonna be up early.”

He breathed a soft laugh, pulling himself to slide up the bed and pull the covers down for you. You crawled up the bed, tucking yourself beneath the cold sheets to snuggle in next to him. He pulled you closer immediately, situating yourselves until you were laying on your sides, sharing his pillow, legs tangled. His hand rested on your hip as yours squeezed his shirt in the center of his chest.

You could feel his breath tickle across your lips, your noses nearly touching. Circles were drawn into your skin again, just above your underwear. His warmth encompassed you beneath the sheets the same way his soul did. You could have ten thousand of those moments and it still wouldn’t feel like enough.

He kissed you sweetly, his lips slow and drawn out as they teased and sucked yours. His hand squeezed your hip, pulling you even closer. You wrapped your arms around his neck, tangling yourself with him as much as you coud, always wanting to be closer. Even when he was inside you, as close to you as humanly possible, you wanted more.

“Marry me,” he breathed against your mouth. You pulled your head back enough to find his eyes still closed, admiring the way they opened slowly to peer into yours. “Was gonna ask during presents,” he murmured before chuckling slightly, “had a whole plan.”

Your brows creased, endeared, before smiling. “What changed?”

His hand lifted to cup your cheek, his fingers tightly gripping the back of your neck. “Just decided I only wanna share this with you.”

Your lips pouted slightly as warmth burst from your heart to travel throughout your entire body. You kissed him fully, his tongue smoothing over yours as he hummed.

He giggled against your lips. “Is that a yes?”

“Yes, yes, yes,” you repeated as you moved to smother your lips across his cheek and jaw.

He tucked his face into your neck, hugging you so tight you could feel the patter of his heart against his ribs. His lips sucked soft kisses into your skin, his hands rubbing soothingly up and down your back. He kissed his way back to your mouth, pressing one last deep kiss to your lips, drinking you in slowly before peeling his body away from yours.

You wiped the corners of your teary eyes as he leaned over the edge of the bed to rummage through a discreetly tucked away duffle bag that he had apparently been hiding. Your heart was beating wildly in your chest, your cheeks warm and your skin prickling as he turned back towards you with a closed fist.

You sat up with him, both of you crossing your legs, sitting face to face in the center of his childhood bed.

He fixed the ring between his first finger and thumb before extending his shaky hand out to you. It sparkled against the moonlight and the only thing you could think was how much you loved him. How often you thought about this moment, how often you both had talked about it, how happy you were that him becoming your forever was a reality.

You extended your hand as you sniffled, giggling with him as he slid the ring on, taking approximately five seconds to admire it on your finger before launching yourself into him.

“I promise I’ll love you forever,” he whispered into your hair, emotion thick in his throat as he pulled you closer.

“I love you so much,” you giggled as you fell back onto the bed with your arms tightly wrapped around one another.

Kisses were peppered against warm skin. Clothes were eagerly pulled off. He pushed into you slowly, promising that he could be quiet. Every movement was drawn out, until you were tensing around him with your mouths pathetically attempting to stifle your moans. And he was following right behind you, his hips stuttering into yours as murmurs of I love you fell into your mouth to slip down your throat and find their way to your heart.

***

- Friday, June 30, 2020 -

You entered your empty home, holding onto the door frame to slip your shoes off as your exhaustion set in. All you were looking forward to was a long, hot shower after a day from hell at the hospital. You knew these days were part of the job description but it never made it any easier.

The house was eerily quiet as you made your way through the dark, dodging kitchen counters and furniture from memory before making your way upstairs. The sensored hallway night light came on as you turned the corner into your bedroom, stripping off your scrubs quickly and tossing them into the hamper. You turned the ensuite’s dimmer light switch to half way, the anticipation of the water pressure on your shoulders already easing your low mood.

After adjusting the shower temperature, you lit the lavender candle you kept on the counter, turned on the bluetooth speaker and pressed play for The Neighbourhood’s ‘I Love You.’ album.

Eagerly stepping into the steam, you tipped your head back as you let the warm water encase you, sending chills across your skin. You took your time, washing with a strawberry body wash and mint shampoo until your skin was raw and your head felt squeaky clean.

You lathered yourself in lotion and dressed in your coziest, oversized sweatshirt before turning your night stand lamp on and slipping into bed. It was only eight o'clock yet you felt like it was the middle of the night with how tired you were. You settled in, ready to read a few chapters of your book, but then suddenly lips softly grazing your temple stirred you awake.

“Shh, don’t have to get up.” The husky sentiment was whispered into the back of your neck as a warm palm ran down the sleeve of your sweatshirt.

He pulled you closer, his front curving against your back, his hand sliding down to rest on your belly. The hair of his bare legs tickled yours as he breathed you in, inhaling where his face was tucked into your hair.

You reached down to hold to the back of his hand as you arched your back in a stretch before whispering, “What time is it?”

“Half nine,” he spoke against the back of your head, his lips leaving a soft kiss to your hair.

You hummed, pushing yourself back against him more. “Long shoot,” you stated simply.

“Unbearably long,” he chuckled in agreement, his breath tickling the back of your neck. “How was your day?”

“Unbearably long,” you repeated.

“You okay? Feel okay?” His tone was soft, his voice low and deep with a tinge of concern.

“Yeah, just tired. Took a long shower,” you assured him as you intertwined your ankles.

“And used my shampoo,” he teased as he sniffed your hair again with a deep inhale.

“It’s growing on me,” you laughed softly, “and doesn’t make me wanna throw up anymore.”

“That’s good,” he hummed, stroking his palm over your round belly. “Ah, there she is.” You could hear his smile as he pressed his face into your neck more. “Was wondering if she was awake.”

“Always wakes up when she hears your voice,” you spoke softly.

Another soft kick had him stilling his hand against you to feel your baby greet him. It wasn’t a lie, every time she heard the deep timber of his voice she moved in search of the warm palm that typically rested on your growing belly.

“Only three more months,” he whispered after a while, fingers gently pressing into your skin.

“Can’t wait,” you smiled as you tried to absorb every fiber of love his palm on your belly filled you with.

***

You blinked your eyes a few times, the morning sun slowly pulling you from sleep the only way it should on a Saturday morning.

You were in the same exact position from the night before, Harry tucked up behind you with his arm draped over your waist. You slept like a rock, thankful that you were still peacefully sleeping through the night. From what you’d read, the third trimester only got more and more uncomfortable.

All in all, your pregnancy had been smooth thus far. Your hematologist got you on an injection blood thinner as soon as you conceived, and by the end of the first week you were a pro at giving yourself the shot every night, six o’clock on the dot. Granted, the bottom of your belly and hips were tender and bruised and oftentimes you had to sneak into the bathroom wherever you were to do it, but it was a price you decided was worth having to pay for a baby at the end of nine months.

Aside from that, you had pretty standard side effects. The thought of chicken made you gag for a while, you’d never wanted gushers and fruit roll ups more often in your life, and you had a bad case of nausea that seemed to linger longer than the typical first trimester mark, only easing up in the last week or so. Your nails and hair were growing like crazy, you were tired a lot of the time and randomly became out of breath if you walked too fast, but you and your baby were healthy, and that was all you could ask for.

Harry was supportive in every way he could be, and you couldn’t say you were surprised. He held your hand when you needed it, rubbed your aching feet, talked you down when your anxiety of having another miscarriage became too much, and loved you unconditionally throughout.

When you were young, you used to wonder what your life would be like; what your future spouse would be like. You hoped he was kind and sweet, had a good sense of humor, maybe could cook. You didn’t realize everything that entailed being a good partner and how easily Harry exceeded any and all expectations. After everything you’d been through together, you felt overwhelmingly lucky to have him by your side.

His thigh twitching where it rested between your legs pulled you from your thoughts. He was most likely going to stir from his sleep soon, as if his body could sense when you were awake, pulling him from his dreams to check on you. And just as the thought crossed your mind, his hand flexed against your belly as he pulled in a deep breath from where his face was tucked against your shoulder blade.

“Morning,” he rasped against your back.

The deep tone of his voice seeped into your sweatshirt to send a chill directly down your spine. He pulled you in, always seemingly wanting you closer, pushing his leg between yours more. It was like electricity blew through you at the simple gesture, as if he hadn’t done it a million times before in your time together. You couldn’t explain it if you tried, but heat pooled in your stomach, fluttering up into your belly as you arched against him more.

“Oop,” he breathed as your ass pressed into his groin.

You could feel where his length rested on his thigh, twitching eagerly at the small contact. But it was enough to have him squeezing your hip and pulling you against him more, hips flexing into you.

Everything was slow; his hand pulling the shoulder of your sweatshirt down to press his lips to your skin, his hips rolling against you longingly, his hands gripping you feverently. His breath came in small puffs, increasing as his cock throbbed. He pressed his thigh against your core, moaning softly at the dampness of your slit. Your skin felt like it was on fire, need burning deep in your belly.

He was sucking marks into the skin of your neck, gripping your hip harshly as his length tucked perfectly between your ass cheeks, pressing his thigh against you even more. He breathed your name softly, his hand trailing down your thigh just to travel back up to grip your waist under your sweatshirt.

“I’m so hot,” you breathed.

“Fuck, me too,” he moaned softly before sucking the spot where your shoulder met your neck.

“No really,” you chuckled, “I need to take this off.” You motioned to your sweatshirt, tugging on the bottom as an endearing oh fell from Harry’s lips.

He helped pull it over your head, the cool air of the bedroom tickling your skin as he tossed it over your bed.

“Better?” He questioned, his hand coming up to hold your waist, his fingers gripping just below your breast as his warm chest pressed against your back.

“Mhm,” you nodded as he tucked his other arm back under your neck, immediately pulling your fingers with his to intertwine them and extend your arms across your mattress.

Your other hand reached behind you, fingers gripping his soft hip as he flexed against you again. His mouth was hot and heavy on your neck, eagerly nipping and licking your tingling skin. His breathing was ragged and shaky as he pressed his hard length against you, effectively pulling a sigh from your lips.

His hot palm slipped down your side until it rested over the center of your belly, pausing for a beat before traveling down to your core. He cupped you softly, his touch almost ticklish in the way his fingers grazed your lips.

“Want you,” he breathed as he tucked his middle finger into your slit.

Your head tipped back at the contact, his open mouth grazing your neck. Circles were pressed into your clit, three slow passes before he was dipping inside to his first knuckle. He groaned softly at the feeling of your arousal pooling at your entrance.

“You should fuck me,” you murmured.

“Should I?” You could hear the faint smirk pulling at his lips as he brought your wetness to your clit, his circles torturously slow.

“Mhm,” you smiled as you arched your hips into his.

His mouth sucked a spot on the back of your shoulder, the fingers intertwined with yours squeezing slightly as his other hand moved up your mound, his wet fingers leaving a trail on your skin. You could feel him tugging his boxers down, your stomach twisting with desire. It came over you so quickly, your need to be close to him. Maybe it wasn’t as often as it was in the past, especially as of late. But when it hit you, it was still so strong.

“Want me?” He spoke into your shoulder blade, his warm breath erupting goosebumps across your skin.

You moaned softly when he grazed the tip of his cock between your legs, hard and ready and waiting for you.

“So bad,” you spread your legs for him, your top knee bending further away to allow him access to your core.

You both moaned as he eased into you slowly. Your mouth fell open in pleasure as your core spasmed around his head. It wasn’t one full push, but small teasing thrusts as he slowly gave you inch after inch. He was panting behind you, soft little mewls of breath as his hand dug into the skin of your hip until his pelvis met your ass, his length pressing deep inside you.

He was completely still aside from his lips pressing kiss after kiss to your skin. Your back, your shoulder, your neck, over and over again.

“H,” you breathed when his hips withdrew before pressing back into you slowly. Fire licked up your spine, your hand flexing in his as your other gripped the sheets in a fist.

He moaned softly before murmuring into your neck, “It’s good, yeah?”

His pace was steady, but slow in the best kind of way. The kind that set fire under your skin and would pull an orgasm from you gradually, the build up just as delicious as the explosion. You could feel every inch of him, every ridge and pulse of his cock as he rolled his hips into yours. It was the way morning sex was supposed to be, deep and reaching, with hushed moans and sluggish limbs, warm skin and gripping hands.

“Oh my god...” Your voice was nothing more than a whisper, his thrusts reaching the deepest parts of you.

He moaned before sinking his teeth into the top of your shoulder. His hand left your hip to reach for your wrist and push your hand between your legs. “Touch yourself,” he instructed softly as he pressed his hand over top of yours, effectively pushing your fingers against your clit. “Want you to come.”

“Fuck,” you breathed as your fingers matched his pace, slow circles against your clit that only intestified his thrusts.

His hand smoothed up your side until he could wrap his arm around your waist, his arm perfectly draped over the top of your belly. His fingers tucked between your side and the mattress, gripping your soft skin as his mouth found your neck once more. For how slow and lazy his thrusts were, his lips were harsh in comparison, no doubt leaving marks on the skin of your shoulder and back for days to come. For every bite, he soothed his tongue over the spot, and every strong suck received an even softer kiss. And he did it as often as he could — as often as his body would allow — when he wasn’t moaning low in his throat from the pleasure swirling in his stomach.

“Mhm, yeah,” he spurred you on when your core tightened around him. It felt like you were vibrating with pleasure, like every fiber of your being was electrified and blazing under your skin.

“You feel so good,” you whined into the pillow, your fingers picking up pace against your sensitive clit. You were so close, you could feel your orgasm swimming in the pit of your stomach just waiting to burst.

His hand slid across your belly to grip harshly to your hip, pulling you back on his cock the tiniest bit. But it was enough to have you choking back a moan as his length reached even deeper inside you. It still surprised you after so much time just how full he could make you feel.

“Come on,” he groaned as his hips slapped into yours with a little more power, his fingers turning white against your skin.

There was a part of you that hoped he left bruises. You couldn’t help but feel like your body looked prettier with remnants of his love sprinkled across it.

“Oh god, shit,” you gasped as your orgasm rolled throughout your entire body. It spilled out of you slowly, erupting under your skin to crawl throughout your limbs. It was so slow, every wave taking its time to crash over your head and pull you under.

“Yes, yes, yes,” Harry groaned roughly, his lips catching on your skin with each desperate plea as he came, pumping his hips into you as long as he could handle. Until he was so sensitive that tears burned his eyes and he had no choice but to still inside you. “God, you’re fucking made for me.” His admission was so breathy it made your core clench around him tighter, his passion fluttering directly from his heart to yours.

You were panting wildly, your mouth finding the inside of his bicep to place a sucking kiss to his hot skin. Your legs felt like they were vibrating as he pulled out of you so slowly, making a chill roll down your spine at the emptiness.

You leaned back against him more but shifted to your back when he disconnected your hands and moved out from behind you. He was kneeling above you, spreading your legs open to slot himself between them.

“Har,” you breathed as he leaned down to press a soft kiss to the bottom of your belly.

“Need one more,” he murmured against your belly before quickly moving down to swipe a strong pass of his tongue from your dripping core up to your clit.

You released a low, heady moan from the back of your throat at the contact, your legs immediately snapping closed around his head. He was quick to open them again, his palms burning hot against the soft skin of your inner thighs as he spread you open for him, lapping at your sensitive clit like it was the only thing he ever wanted to do.

Your hands carded through his hair, gripping tightly as he sucked and licked between your folds. The thought of him tasting both of you had your mind reeling. His moans were thick and deep as his tongue plunged inside you, fucking into you with fever as he squeezed your thighs while pressing them into the mattress.

When he licked back up to your clit, catching it lightly with his teeth before trilling his tongue against it, you couldn’t help your head from flinging back into the pillows with a low moan of his name. Your moans and pants only egged him on; made him swirl his tongue over you before suctioning his mouth on your clit. And all it took was a rough roll of his tongue before you were whimpering through your release and coating his chin in your juices.

His moans only intensified your pleasure, both from the vibrations from his mouth and how much he was enjoying himself. You knew he loved it, yet it always made your skin crawl with arousal seeing just how much he seemed to get out of making you feel good. It was like he was addicted to it, always making sure you were completely spent before he could feel satisfied.

You tugged on his hair, closing your knees around his head once more. To say you were sensitive would be the greatest understatement. Sparks were still bouncing off your skin as you started to come down, your chest rising and falling harshly as you caught your breath.

Harry eased up, leaning up to press a kiss to your mound, and then the inside of your thigh, before he crawled up your body to lay beside you. His hand rested on your belly as his mouth found yours, both your taste and his invading your heightened senses when his tongue passed yours in a smooth glide.

“Loved every second of that,” he murmured once he rested his forehead against yours, his fingers drawing odd shapes across the skin of your stomach.

You turned onto your side, keeping your face close to his as you tucked some of his hair behind his ear. “I missed this,” you admitted softly as you lightly scratched down his neck.

“What, love?”

“Just waking up like this. Feeling like everything is easy,” you shrugged slightly.

He was quiet for a moment, his hand stroking up and down your side before settling on your waist. “Where’s this coming from?”

You hesitated because you really weren’t sure. Maybe it was the orgasms, maybe that was just your excuse. But you couldn’t help thinking how much you loved being close to him, and how often you hadn’t felt close to him over the last couple years. And how it had been your own doing.

“I don’t know,” you brushed your noses together softly. “Just ignore me.”

“Hm, can’t do that,” he pulled you closer, your belly pressing into his as he wrapped his arm around you. He danced his fingers up and down your spine soothingly as he continued, “You can always talk to me.”

“I don’t know why I’m even thinking about this,” you shook your head against his as you kept your eyes closed.

He was quiet as he waited for you to open up, letting you get there on your own. He was good at that; letting you gather yourself and your thoughts for as long as you needed without pressing you. He was always so patient and accepting and encouraging and you loved him so much for it.

“You’re gonna be a really good dad H,” you chose to say.

“And you’re gonna be a great mom,” he replied without missing a beat.

His fingers continuously stroked against your skin, easing you in a way you probably couldn't even describe. It was like he always knew what you needed, and gave it freely without question.

You nodded against his forehead slightly before pulling your head back to look at him. His hair was a mess above him, stretching out wildly across the pillow. His cheek had the slightest indent from his pillow still with the prettiest rosy tinge. His eyes were sleepy and his lips were puffy, everything about him, from his face to his soul, was inviting.

“Are you scared?” You asked quietly as you pet the back of his neck.

His eyes fluttered, maybe at your touch or maybe at your question. “Of course,” he exhaled, “think that’s normal.”

“I’m scared,” you admitted, almost ashamed.

“What are you afraid of?”

“Everything,” you breathed, “I’m still afraid something bad could happen.” You shook your head, knowing full well that Harry knew what you meant just by the sad look on his face. “I’m afraid there’ll be a complication in delivery because of all these blood thinners.” Your eyes danced across his features, noticing the way his brows furrowed the tiniest bit. You searched his eyes for a moment, the pale green accentuated by the morning light. “I’m afraid... I’m afraid I won’t be any good at it,” you sighed, your own eyebrows crinkling with emotion.

“Baby,” he exhaled as his hand came up to cup the side of your neck.

Your eyes flicked over his face for a moment, concern etched into every line. “I haven’t been thinking about it a lot,” you added quickly, knowing how important it was to him for you to be honest about how you were feeling. “But I can’t help it sometimes, you know? I don’t know,” you continued after a beat, “we’re getting closer and I guess I’m just getting nervous,” you rushed, guilt plaguing your confession. “I don’t wanna worry you.”

“Love,” he started slowly, drawing the word out like a violins final note. “You gotta stop worrying about worrying me. That’s not how this works. Let me comfort you. Let me try to at least help ease your mind.”

You looked back at this man, with his pleading eyes and warm heart, and could physically feel your anxiety easing, and he hadn’t even said anything yet. It was just him. There was no other way to describe the way he made you feel just with a look, just with his eyes on yours.

His thumb brushed across your cheek tenderly as he spoke, “Sobel knows what he’s doing, he’ll make sure everything goes smoothly in delivery. And I’ll be holding your hand the entire time. Please try not to worry about that.” His eyes flicked up as he smoothed the hair at the top of your head, his gaze following his movements as he brought his palm back to your cheek before finding your eyes once more. “And you’re going to be an amazing mom. I wouldn’t want to share this with anyone else. You have to know that.”

You smiled slightly as your eyes brimmed, amazed at how you really could feel better just by listening to him talk. Harry quickly swept away the single tear that slipped down your cheek.

“You’re biased,” you mumble before kissing him softly.

His fingers tightened on the back of your neck as his mouth moved over yours, lips sucking your bottom lip in a savory kiss. “A little,” he smiled against your mouth, “But I’m right too.”

You breathed a laugh as you threaded your fingers through his soft hair, already feeling more at ease. He always knew how to make you feel better. It was almost masochistic, the way you tended to keep things to yourself when you knew if you just talked it out, you’d feel better.

And you did feel better. Harry always had a way of not dragging things out. He was the perfect oxymoron of support and relief.

“We’re gonna figure everything out together,” he added before pressing a kiss to your forehead.

You tucked your face into his neck, inhaling against his heated skin as he wrapped his arms around you. “I love you,” you murmured into his neck.

A firm kick ricocheted against your skin so suddenly it had Harry chuckling. “There she is,” he giggled excitedly. “Nice of you to join us love,” he spoke down to your belly, slipping down the mattress to press his lips right above your belly button. “Knew we were talking about you, huh?”

You laughed softly as he peppered kisses to your belly, receiving pleased little kicks in return.

“She must be a narcissist like her dad,” you said as you scratched his head fondly.

“Your mom’s just mad that you like me more,” he spoke directly against the skin of your stomach, receiving another soft kick right against his lips. His hand smoothed over your hip, fingers rubbing into your lower back. “It’s crazy,” he looked up at you with bright eyes and a sweet smile, “it’s like she knows exactly where I am.”

You grinned down at him, watching as he went back to kissing and talking to your stomach. It was moments like these that made you even more excited to meet this little human, to hold her in your arms and kiss her little nose, to watch Harry love her.

You were counting down the days, and even though you weren't out of the woods yet, you were hopeful; choosing to remain positive that everything was going to turn out okay.

***

- Tuesday, September 28, 2020 -

You kissed Harry goodbye early that morning and headed to work for your only twelve hour shift of the week.

You were due in a couple weeks and decided it would be best if you knocked your hours down to one shift a week. Your last trimester had been good, uneventful in surprises from week to week. It was exhausting though and your body ached daily. But you couldn’t just sit home until you delivered, so one shift a week would have to be enough.

As soon as you opened your eyes that morning, a faint pain throbbed in your lower back. It seemed like a new sore spot popped up every day. But you powered through, knowing any pain you endured would be worth it in the end.

You were nearly an hour into your shift, having just finished your rounds and heading to the nurses station to update charts.

“You okay?” Your coworker Jess asked with a chuckle.

You practically fell into your chair, breathing heavily while your back ached, feeling like it was on fire. You felt like you couldn’t catch your breath, laying a hand over your chest to feel the frantic beat of your heart.

“YN?”

The pain in your back traveled to your stomach; sharp and pungent, provoking a small whine to fall from your lips.

“Something’s wrong,” you gasped as another sharp pain shot through the lowest part of your belly.

“Okay, deep breaths,” Jess eased as she kneeled next to you, blindly reaching up on your desk to grab your phone. “Are you having a contraction?”

“No, no,” you repeated as you tried to settle your breath and ignore the tears burning your eyes.

Your vision went spotty as you keeled over in pain, your hands gripping your belly. You could hear Jess calling for Dr. Sobel, her calm voice repeating that everything was going to be okay.

“Call Harry,” you breathed.

And then everything went black.

***

To anyone that has suffered from infertility or miscarriage... I’m so sorry. Please know that you are not alone. I love you, and I hope you get your rainbow soon.

Thank you for reading. As always, I would love to hear your thoughts x

- PART FIVE -

#harry styles smut #harry styles fanfic #harry styles fluff #harry styles x reader #ayhom

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